#I always forget how mean the narrative is!

[teasibby]

My thesis idea got approved and so far I am working on it under a wip name of "Storytelling and use of affects in Dungeons and Daddies". My first hypothesis is that Anthony's experience as a writer shines through in the base story and collective storytelling adds to that, with the dice bringing elements of improvisation and humour. That's all good, I am thriving with this section and it is so fun.

The part I am struggling is my second hypothesis is that each family represents some sort of conflict within them and each child represents an emotion. The dads need to face both, the emotion of the child and the conflict of the family before they can move on. The conflicts are handeled with a help of fantasy genre conventions. But this is where I am stuck in!

(The overanalytical drabbles of my ideas under the cut)

The Oaks are like super obviously dealing with a generational trauma that is a physical creature in the fantasy world. Lark and Sparrow are repserenting love and hate, both of them. The thing is that one internalises the hate and gives out love to cover it; one gets consumed by the hatered and aims it outside and is repulsed by the idea of love fixing everything.

The Stamplers on the other hand! The conflict starts out as Terry rejecting the idea of Ron as a "new father". He is grieving, not ready to let go of Terry sr. He goes through literally every step mentioned in Patrick Colm Hogan's book "What Literature Teaches Us about Emotion" (2011) So Terry represent grief, quite clearly. But that conflict is solved by the end of Saving Terry arc! The next conflict starts when we get to Ron's memories and we see how Ron never recieved parental love. It is being spelled out how Ron tries so hard to be something he never got to have; a safe father figure. But Ron doesn't have quite as clear conflict as Henry or say Darryl have, and I am struggling to put this thought out with fewer words.

Aaand The Willsons have such a good conflict and Grant says it out loud, thank you Anthony! They speak, but they never talk. Carol and Darryl's marriage is falling apart because they do not talk about the things that are bothering them. They are stuck to pretending that everything is okay, taxes mean sex and movienights are dates. Very safe, very mundane, very not passionate. Grant has never seen his father cry. When Yeet and Killa are discussing if Grant should kill someone or not, Grant says out loud the problem in their family "If my father has taught me anything, it's that we can always talk about it later." He is just 12, but Darryl forgets that very effectively. He guides Grant by framing close and serious matters to be more distant. ("Hey buddy, I need your help here a bit. Kill that chimera and we can make burgers, you'd like a burger, Yeet would like a burger yes?") Grant therefore represents distance and not being good enough. Darryl is very proud of his son, but never says it to his face in a way that would reach. The silence is also funnily enough incorporated into the fact that Frank's vision can't talk to Darryl.

Finally, The Closes. Where do I even start. So the conflict is the other parent dying. It affects both of these characters but neither of them is willing to face that feeling. They wrap it in a narrative of "We will do. It's fine, I'm cool, doesn't even bother me". Where Terry is allowed to grieve his father, Nick is not (by Nick, I think he denies it himself in order to please or impress or appeal to Glenn). Glenn doesn't do it either, because as we hear in the trials, he felt like Nick needed a strong father who had his shit together. The moment Morgan was gone, Glenn switched to a survival mode. They both describe their relationship to be buddy-like and "tight", they are very laid back. As much as Darryl, Glenn also tends to forget that Nick is like what, 12. I think Nick's need for a father can be found in his saving arc. He's so excited to have found a forest full of drug-flowers, because he knows Glenn likes that. He asks if they can "leave the others behind and stay here". The fantastic isn't scaring Nick, he sees it as an oppoturnity where Glenn isn't going away and he gets to be around him. But where I struggle is to put this in one emotion that Nick would represent. Is it seek of approval? Grief? Safety? Stability?

So... That's quite a lot. If you have any thoughts on the feelings or conflicts feel free to comment or slide into my DMs! I am not in the official discord but just know that if I were this would fly out there so fast. I also might not answer right away, I don't have this app on my phone lol.

I just need to get this out and I figured you might appreciate these more than my poor loved ones who don't even listen the podcast. My three hour yappings about each kid just goes straight through xd

[add1ctedt0you]

Jiang Yalin was the oldest child of Jiang Fengmian and Jiang cheng's older sister. Her personality was mild, with nothing too notable; her voice was smooth, with nothing too memorable. Her appearance was only above average, and her talents weren't astonishing either. Amid the girls from the other prominent clans, it was only natural that she seemed a little average. On the other hand, her fiancée, Jin ZiXuan, was the exact opposite. He was the only official child of Jin Guangshan, with outstanding looks and exceptional talents. According to common sense, with Jiang Yalin's conditions, it was true that they weren't well matched with each other. She wasn't even qualified enough to compete with the other girls. The only reason why Jiang Yalin was able to enter an engagement with Jin ZiXuan was because her mother was from the MeishanYu sect, and the MeishanYu sect was quite friendly with the sect of witch Jin ZiXuan's mother was from.

Jiang yanli's first introduction

[catcatb0y]

Every time Helluva Boss or Hazbin Hotel has a glimpse of genuinely GOOD WRITING, I go insane. Both of these shows feel like edging to me, like they will tease me with these bangers and then leave me to dry EVERY DAMN TIME.

[hsslilly-blog]

claire growing up with her lovely parents and then not being able to recognise signs of being abused slash being taken advantage of. and then her own attempts at reclaiming her agency put her at risk of further pain. very compelling narrative to me

[simptasia]

the best reminder that LOST is a masterpiece is to watch any other drama series

[juniperhillpatient]

I like how there’s a few moments in atla scream au that are just me looking the audience in the eye like btw this is where I’m going with this it’s very scream of me to break the 4th wall like that

[havenhyunjin]

daisy - hyunjin

a continuation of is it casual now?

—Surely that was all that was going to happen; Hyunjin was going to agonizingly friendzone you again, even if he maybe wanted you too. Complimenting you, saying he didn’t deserve you, repeating that he loved you had to be just a way for him to try to let you down easier. word count: 4.8k

warnings: mature, explicit sexual content ahead. 18+ only please! best friends to lovers; angst; hurt/comfort; mild alcohol intoxication; unprotected consensual sex (be responsible); oral sex (f receiving), fingering, creampie.

a/n: this is an accompanying written piece of the text au "is it casual now?". i believe it can be read as a stand-alone, but the texts are cute too. <3

The daisy necklace felt cold and heavy against your skin. It was a sharp reminder of all that was wrong, and yet it was an anchor at the same time. Perhaps that was the problem; anchoring yourself to land that seemed to want nothing but to get away from you. 

Surely, Hyunjin didn’t mean for anything to escalate to this point. When he insisted you remain best friends, like you’d always been, the rationale was to avoid exactly what was happening. He knew two things for sure: Relationships end, and he couldn't live without you. The only logical step was to keep things between you two platonic; that way it wouldn’t end. 

He failed to take into account another unequivocal truth: You loved each other ardently. 

It is the kind of love you can’t contain. The harder you try, the more it will manifest on everyday choices, on shared moments, on breaking hearts. 

As of right now, it manifested in the hot tears streaming down your face, sitting on a lonely bench in the middle of the night. It manifested in the alcohol sweating off your pores, failing to make you forget. It manifested in your shaking hands, holding your phone as you try to separate yourself from this narrative once and for all. 

please let me come get you. we have to talk in person, we can’t do this over texts, you read Hyunjin’s messages, having half a mind not to cave in instantly. The masochistic part of you that had accepted the crumbs of Hyunjin’s love was clawing its way out, but she was kept at bay. 

You couldn’t take another “just friends” speech from him, and you told him as much over angry, sad texts. As if he was helping your masochistic part give in to him once again, he replied that he loved you. He loved you so much his world was spinning off its axis, terrified of losing you. 

Theoretically, that was all you would ever want to hear, but you heard it all before too. And of course, you didn’t want to lose him either, but your soul was dying a little bit more every day that you saw him and you couldn’t envelop yourself in him to show him your love. You said you needed time and space to move on, and be capable of being his friend. 

He pleaded to let you see him once again. You tried fighting back one last time. The resolve quickly faded. Maybe you were a weak woman in love, but anyone else would’ve given in too. i love you, i need you. please, daisy. i don’t want you to get over me. you’re the most wonderful woman in the planet and i don’t deserve you, but i will try. 

Agreeing to see him by turning your location back on for Hyunjin to find you, anguish, regret and hope merged into one convoluted emotion that you were far too wrecked to process. You didn’t even have enough time to try to stop crying when you recognized Hyunjin’s car on the street in front of you. He ran to you, and before any other thought crossed your mind, your brain betrayed you by noticing how stunning he looked. As if he didn’t look like that all the time, and as if your brain hadn’t fantasized about him enough times to last you your whole life. 

His hair was tied in a messy half ponytail, wearing a black leather jacket and jeans. His face was contorted in emotions you couldn’t read, not for lack of trying. His eyes were desperate, his hands were shaky, his steps were steady, his mouth was unmoving. 

“Daisy, it’s fucking freezing,” was the first thing he said in front of you, immediately taking his jacket off to give it to you. You didn’t want it, you knew it was a torture device, but it happened too quickly for your dazed mind to protest. He didn’t really talk as he helped you up from the bench, leading you to the passenger seat of his car, and you were simply moving automatically. He put your seatbelt on before closing the door behind him and walking to the driver seat. All you did was close your eyes, not ready to face him again, not ready for more rejection than your sanity could take. 

Surely that was all that was going to happen; Hyunjin was going to agonizingly friendzone you again, even if he maybe wanted you too. Complimenting you, saying he didn’t deserve you, repeating that he loved you had to be just a way for him to try to let you down easier.

Your internal dialogue raged on, because Hyunjin simply drove in silence in the direction of your apartment. Surely he would be leaving you there to cry yourself to sleep once again as soon as he said whatever he needed to say.  

When he parked his car, he also opened the door for you and tried to help you out but you flinched away from him. His touch didn’t just electrify you; it burned through your layers of clothes like the daisy necklace did. The sharp reminder of your anchor sailing away. 

“Daisy, can I come up? I’ll leave as soon as you’re inside if you want me to,” Hyunjin said, wincing after you flinched away.

His heart was aching. His internal dialogue was as tragic as yours. He knew for sure you wouldn’t give him a second chance at being brave enough to love you. He knew this was going to be the last time you’d let him that close to you. He knew you didn’t trust him anymore.

All he was hoping for was a few more minutes with you as you went up the elevator and before you closed your door to him forever. All you were hoping for were a few more minutes with him before you had to say goodbye to him out of pure survival instinct. 

So you agreed for him to walk you to your door. You saw him punch in your code, and open the door for you. You put your head down as you walked in, and hesitantly turned around to face him, reaching to take his jacked off yourself. You willed yourself to look into his eyes. 

Hyunjin was crying. He was trying hard to keep the tears from falling, he was furrowing his eyebrows and he wasn’t looking back at you, instead staring at the corner of your wall behind you. 

It’s not like you hadn’t seen him cry before. He cried watching Inside Out, when you graduated, when he laughed too hard, when his little fish died. But this wasn’t the same. His lips quivered a little, his eyes were almost closed, his cheeks were red, his hands were closed in fists. He was in agony. 

Your masochistic side, and the side of you that loved Hyunjin like the forest loves the flame, teamed up against your decision to say goodbye. You could not bear to see him hurt that way, even if it meant more pain for you. So you wrapped your hand around his wrist and led him inside, speechlessly closing the door behind you. 

“Daisy, I…,” Hyunjin started to talk quickly, knowing you were granting him the chance to do so. You closed your eyes, ready for the big blow. Ready for a wretched feeling of heartache you never thought Hyunjin would cause you. Ready for him to close the possibility of ever letting you love him. Ready for him to never take the leap for both of you. Ready for your fears to drag you away from each other. 

You weren’t ready for the soft, cold hands that wrapped around your cheeks, and the hot minty breath against your face. You weren’t ready to find a pair of brown, yearning eyes looking deep into yours when you opened them. You weren’t ready for the touch of his nose against yours as he leaned in. You weren’t ready for the all consuming feeling of his plump lips on yours. 

But you welcomed it. You welcomed it like the feeling of a warm blanket on a rainy day, like the smell of your childhood pillow, like the taste of your favorite candy on Christmas, like the sound of a perfect melody, like the sight of a sunrise. You welcomed it like finally coming home. 

The daisy necklace felt hot against your skin. It was a sharp reminder of all that you desired standing right in front of you, somehow anchoring you and making you fly away at the same time. Perhaps that was the paradox; anchoring yourself to land that you thought was drifting away, but right now was holding you like a treasure. 

Surely, Hyunjin didn’t mean for anything to escalate to this point. When he insisted you needed to talk, he logically knew his first step couldn’t be to kiss you. He knew two things for sure: You couldn’t just be his friend, and he couldn't live without you. The only logical step was to communicate your feelings, fears and concerns to each other; that way he wouldn’t have to live without you. 

He failed to take into account another unequivocal truth: You loved each other ardently. 

It is the kind of love you can’t contain. The harder you try, the more it will manifest on everyday choices, on shared moments, on magnetic forces between you two. 

As of right now, it manifested in a kiss that would put every other epic kiss to shame. It manifested in your hands wrapped around his neck, holding onto him for dear life. It manifested in your heavy breathing as you both gasped for air, immediately crashing back into each other. 

You didn’t really have to talk anything out anymore. Your bodies melting into each other, transforming into a single entity was enough of a declaration, but Hyunjin wouldn’t have it that way. He needed to know that you knew. 

You hesitantly pulled back as he grabbed your chin to create a small distance between your lips. 

“Baby, I love you,” Hyunjin said barely above a whisper. Barely above a prayer he hoped would be heard by you, his goddess. 

“I love you,” was all you could truly reply. What else could you say? How else could you say it other than dripping with devotion? 

The pieces of the puzzle fit together perfectly, the cracks in your heart embalmed in healing, gently, kindly, steadily by his four words. 

You leaned your face into his right hand, almost unconsciously, craving Hyunjin’s warmth. His heart did somersaults, and he wanted nothing more than to give you every bit of affection you could ever crave until the day he died. 

“I know what I said before, and what I thought was the best, but I was wrong. I was so wrong, Daisy,” he said as he pressed his forehead against yours, closing his eyes, unable to look at you until he cleared the air, otherwise he’d just give in to your lips again. “I thought everything would be better if we didn’t take the risk of us not working out.” 

You nodded, attempting to ease his mind showing him you understood the reasoning. You tried to open your mouth, but he wasn’t done talking, so you simply placed a hand on the nape of his neck to try to soothe him. 

“I know it’s dumb and cliche, but I couldn’t have you be another thing that didn’t work out in my life. I’ve done stupid shit, I’ll probably keep doing stupid shit, and I got all this baggage you already know about, and it isn’t an excuse but I just thought I should save you the trouble of dealing with it more than you already do,” Hyunjin rambled on, stumbling into his words and thoughts. He had planned out his speech, at least parts of it, but it was all coming out messy. He wanted to organize his thoughts, but he was desperate for you to understand that he wanted you, needed you, loved you, and the past few days weren’t because he saw you as just a friend, but because he saw you as so much more.

All you could do was make him look you in the eyes, forcing eye contact to ground him. 

“I don’t want to fuck this up. I won’t. I’ll be everything you need, if you’ll take me,” Hyunjin murmured, his eyes nearly watering as his emotions overcame him. 

“I’ll be everything you need too, if you’ll take us,” you replied, holding your faith in him close to your heart. He wouldn’t hurt you; not on purpose, not irretrievably. He would do everything to fix what needed fixing, he wouldn’t leave you hanging, he wouldn’t take you for granted. He would love you. You would love him. 

“You’re already everything,” he blurted out, as sincere as he’d ever been, before crashing his lips back into yours. 

Hyunjin knew he wasn’t done expressing his feelings and fears, and that there were some that he barely even recognized. But he also knew he would have the time to do that, and you would be gentle enough to grant him that grace. You wouldn’t judge him, you wouldn’t run out of patience, you wouldn’t walk out on him. You would love him. He would love you. 

So Hyunjin gave in to you, and you gave in to him.

His kiss was desperate and passionate, leaving you breathless and dizzy, trying to steady yourself on his chest. Any alcohol in your system had already been replaced by the adrenaline of holding your entire world in your hands, and finally being able to be this close to him.

Soon enough, you started leading him to your room, even with an unmade bed and a few scattered items. He wasn’t unfamiliar to your room, knowing the scent, layout and quirks of it very well. However, he suddenly felt like an outsider you were inviting in for the first time, and he wasn’t sure of what to do. Hyunjin’s mind started to race. Did you want to sleep? Did you want him to hold you? Did you want more? Did you want to wait? 

As his thoughts started rushing, your touch was the one to ground him yet again as you motioned him to come closer to you, kneeling on the edge of your bed with him standing in front of you. He didn’t need words, your hands under his clothes touching his skin telling you everything he needed to know. You wanted him as badly as he wanted you, and you needed to feel close to him. 

His shirt came off first, your core warming at the sight. Greek gods would be put to shame besides Hyunjin, sculpted and soft against your fingertips. He was shy under your intense gaze, opting to help you out of your blouse instead. Once he caught a glimpse of your skin under the soft lamp light, he was done for. Still asking for your consent when unhooking your bra, you nodded and threw it at the floor yourself. 

Hyunjin watched as you laid down under him, your breasts slightly moving and your nipples hardened with the temperature change. He knew he was staring far too much, but anything he had ever imagined before paled in comparison to what he was seeing. Any dreams and fantasies he’d had of you naked underneath him as he touched himself, were far off the real thing.

You blushed at the attention on your chest, pulling Hyunjin in for a kiss as he went into bed with you. He happily returned it, and quickly moved his hands to unbutton your jeans, humming while asking for permission once again, as if you were ever going to say no to the man you desired with every cell of your being. 

You lifted your hips up enough for him to pull down the item along with your underwear, and you couldn’t help but whine as you felt yourself truly exposed beneath him. He only barely noticed, busy admiring every curve of your legs, thighs and most of all your naked pussy. 

His cock was painfully hard, twitching at the mere sight. He didn’t know how he was not going cum immediately upon tasting you, feeling you, but he would be damned if he didn’t have you right now. 

Hyunjin gently spread your thighs, whimpering ever so silently as he looked at your slick folds. “You’re so wet, my baby,” he looked up, making eye contact with you and licked his lips. 

The sight was a pure, unadulterated wet dream. You should be even more wet, having the most beautiful man in the world between your thighs, lowering his sinful lips and tongue on your sex. 

You arched your back and instantly held the roots of his hair in your hands as he licked a long, tortuous stripe around your slit and pussy lips. Kitten licks right into your already swollen clit followed, and you shut your eyes closed cursing under your breath. “You taste like fucking heaven, baby,” he said right into your core, making you whine. Hyunjin was slowly, almost imperceptibly, rutting his hips against the bed to give some attention to his clothed, aching cock, drunk on your taste and moans. 

He was a man starved, alternating between fucking his tongue right into the hole he would fuck with his fingers next, picturing how tight and good you would feel around his cock later, and giving fast consistent ministrations to your sensitive clit. 

You would never last long, much less as he worked one finger inside you wrapping his lips around the bud. He was met with more resistance pushing a second finger in, his long hands proving to be a challenge to take like you knew his dick would be, but you were excited to have it. 

Hyunjin never stopped his consistent pace on your clit, relaxing you and recoiling you at the same time. He knew he needed to prep you with at least three fingers if he was going to fuck you, feeling how tight you were, vibrating in anticipation. He worked slower, almost painfully so. Once he felt his index and middle finger slide in and out of your pussy with ease, he leisurely pressed his ring finger to your entrance. 

You were lost in the feeling, grinding yourself on his hand and moaning his name over and over again. You took all three fingers in, opening up for him even more as he scissored them inside of you, not once stopping his steady, erotic make out session with your clit. 

Hyunjin was all about pleasing you, so he curled his fingers inside of you, drinking in your every movement, sound and wetness pouring out of you. “Let go for me baby, give it to me,” he encouraged, only barely stopping his constant stimulation on your clit. 

You were soon enough cumming in his mouth and hand, giving Hyunjin the sweetest taste he ever had in his life, and seeing stars, cross eyed at the feeling of an angel gifting you the first orgasm of the night. He cleaned up the remnants of your orgasm, not baring the idea of any of it going to waste and smiling up at you. You smiled back, chuckling shyly, as he climbed up to kiss you for you to taste yourself on him. It was intoxicating, remembering him eating you out as you tasted the evidence. 

The aftershocks of the high subsided once you remembered Hyunjin hadn’t cum yet. He wasn’t even fully undressed, and suddenly you couldn’t bear the thought. Half sitting up, you undid his belt impatiently and helped him as he pushed his pants and boxers aside, kneeling on the bed. He was fighting every impulse to moan at every single friction, at just the sight of your hands so close to his leaking cock. 

Your mouth was watering, pressing your thighs together even if it meant overstimulating your sensitive core. Hyunjin’s effect on your body was insane, amping up every passing second. He was decidedly big, and you silently thanked him for how he opened you up before. You ached to have his thick cock deep inside you, and you also craved the taste of him on your throat. You thought you should do the latter, returning the favor, but Hyunjin quickly pinned you back down to the bed. 

“Baby, I want to fuck you,” he whispered against your ear, his hands running along your waist and finding the flesh of your breasts. He continued by pressing sensual kisses on your neck and groping your tits, “Will you let me fuck you, Daisy?” A smile was on his face as he realized how you were only wearing your half daisy necklace, and he was wearing his. A wonderful, possessive reminder. You were finally his, and he had always been yours. 

“Hyun, please,” you barely whimpered out, dazed in lust, lightly scratching his back as you felt his cock so close, yet so far from your hole. You didn’t even have to beg, he would give you anything and everything you could ever ask for. 

As he positioned himself over you, while you spread your legs for him, he framed your face between his hands on the bed supporting him. You looked into Hyunjin’s eyes, knowing they were matching the passion behind yours, and knowing you both understood how life-changing this moment was. 

You put your hands on his neck as he finally pushed inside you with a soft thrust. Hyunjin went slow, intentional, as he felt you adjust bit by bit. He didn’t break eye contact, even though he was ready to cum any second. You felt so tight, warm and wet on his cock, he could barely even think, he could barely do anything other than look at you and understand he was home. 

“Fuck, you feel so perfect,” he said as he began to bottom in, leaning in to catch your lips in a kiss he hoped conveyed the wave of love combined with lust that he was feeling. “You were made for me, baby,” Hyunjin continued praising you, because it was truly all he could do. 

And you were made for him. The stretch stung, but pain melted into pleasure all the same as he kissed you, as he whispered all those sweet, dirty words. Soon enough it was all pleasure, it was all him finally inside you, finally taking what was his. Your moans were nearly uncontrollable, even more so as he began thrusting into you at a delirious, gentle pace. 

“You feel so good,” you whimpered into his lips, punctuating each word with his thrusts. Hyunjin almost smirked, beaming off your praise. He wanted to pick up the pace, but he also never wanted the moment to end. He was losing it, the taste of your pussy still lingering in his tongue mixed with the pleasure he felt as he fucked all his love into you. It was enough to bring him to heaven. 

He pulled your legs higher up, wrapping them around his waist to take you deeper. As you moaned in a higher pitch, he swallowed the sweet sounds into his mouth. Every emotion was heightened; the desperation, satiation, love, adoration, yearning, all enveloped into the intensity of your sex. 

“So fucking perfect,” he mumbled softly, barely above a prayer he wanted only you to hear. You knew you’d kneel to pray to him just the same. All of his movements and words made your cunt clench, feeling impossibly full and yet like it wasn’t enough. Like you needed him to be whole. At every spasm, Hyunjin’s cock twitched inside you, controlling himself not to let his impulse to press you face first into the mattress and take your pussy from behind win. He knew he could do that another time, and he knew he needed to show you his devotion right now. 

You could feel him restraining himself, and with one quick moment you pushed him to the bed on his back for you to straddle him. His cock slipped out with a pop that you both groaned at, and he immediately held onto your waist as a reflex, looking at you quizzically. 

“Let me ride you, baby,” you asked softly, positioning yourself over his cock and taking it inside you again at a new, toe-curling angle. 

Hyunjin could’ve cum right then and there, holding on to your soft skin. As you started bouncing up and down his length, he didn’t know whether to focus on your beautiful face contorted in pleasure, the erotic sight of where you two were connected, or the near pornographic vision of your tits moving in his face along with your necklace, his necklace. 

He was gone. He had been gone for years, knowing deep down nothing would ever satisfy him if he couldn’t have you. And now that he did, now that you were truly, genuinely taking your place as his goddess divine on top of him and his cock, he also realized he’d never be truly satisfied. He would never get enough of you, but he would spend every waking moment of his life adoring you. Even if centuries wouldn’t be enough with you, he will gladly spend his lifetime worshipping you, and every inch of your body. 

Hyunjin wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling himself up to begin tracing kisses, love bites and marks around your neck and breasts. “I love you, I love you, I love you,” he declared, swore, between every single kiss.

Your movements were becoming more erratic when riding his cock, your words barely making their way out only because you couldn’t fathom not saying I love you back. Everything you did brought you closer to your high, and you could barely take it anymore. Even less when Hyunjin pressed his thumb right into your clit, and took one nipple into his mouth, licking circles in it. He was trying to make you cum before him, relishing in the sweet sounds coming out of your mouth. You were going cross eyed at all the stimulation, feeling the coil inside your stomach so close to snapping. 

“Fuck, just like that baby. You’re taking me so well,” he hummed, encouraging you as you picked up the pace riding him even if your legs felt like they were giving out. 

He placed you down on the bed as he felt your legs faltering, thrusting into you at a harder, faster pace. You held him by his arms, spreading your legs and closing your eyes shut as your moans became uncontrollable. His name was all that you even remembered, whining it out for him to dream about forever. 

“Finish for me, baby,” he said, kissing you deeply, his cock inside you hitting just the right spot for the coil to snap. 

The earth-shattering orgasm hit you all at once, tidal waves flowing over you as Hyunjin held you in the aftershocks. He fucked you through it, your pussy spasming, almost pulling him deeper inside you and letting him reach his own high. He filled you up with his pearly white cum, and you felt complete. 

He didn’t let go of you, as he laid in the crook of your neck panting, still inside you. He put only slightly more weight on you, careful not to hurt you, but relaxing into your body. 

You were breathing heavily too, still riding the ecstasy Hyunjin made you feel. As he felt you shaking, he pulled out and laid down beside you holding you into his chest. “I got you, baby. I got you…” he softly whispered in your ear, placing a kiss on your temple. You hugged him tight, smiling as he traced patterns on your back. “You are perfect,” he repeated, as he kept telling you before. 

You looked him in the eyes, the crystal glaze of love over them, and pecked his lips softly. You looked at his daisy necklace, reaching out to touch it with your fingers and tracing your own patterns on his chest and neck. No words were needed, the air between you two only trapped inside your bubble of a dream come true.

“I love you, Daisy,” Hyunjin promised once again. “I love you, baby,” you promised right back. 

The daisy necklace felt like safety and protection against your skin. It was a sharp reminder of all that you held dear to your heart, and it was the ever-present anchor that tied you to your one true love. Perhaps that was the endgame; anchoring yourself to the land that you had made your home in. 

Surely, Hyunjin had willed this all to happen, even if he didn’t realize it. As he held you close, skin to skin, his every desire and need was fulfilled. He knew two things for sure: He was yours, and he couldn't live without you. All he could do, all he wanted to do, was to make you his, until the very end. 

He now knew another unequivocal truth: You loved each other ardently. 

It is the kind of love you can’t contain. The harder you try, the more it will manifest on everyday choices, on shared moments, on new opportunities. 

As of right now, it manifested in the calm and warmth of his embrace. It manifested in the kind, caring kisses you pressed all over his face. It manifested in your souls molding into a single one. 

[wilwheaton]

I woke up yesterday morning to learn that Don Trump—the famed rapist, convicted felon, and white christian presidential candidate—had mimed performing a blowjob on his microphone stand to the clear delight of his crowd. There's a famous Christian thinker named Jesus H. Christ who you may have heard about; people will often say his full name when they see things like this. [...] It cuts against the dominant social narrative to say we need to fight the white supremacist cult, and this is for the very good reason that our society is traditionally white supremacist. If you suggest that a white supremacist cult's behavior and intentions are indecent and absolutely unacceptable, there is a general realization that this means not accepting it, which would inevitably mean the social exclusion and isolation of people committed to pursuing unacceptable behavior, and who have made indecent and unacceptable behavior a core part of their identity. And it's very unhealthy to be socially excluded and isolated. And who could be against health? In the eyes of those who control the platforms of communication, and in the halls of power, and in the minds of many comfortable and privileged people, it is a far less divisive act to hold a Nazi rally, crammed with racism and hatred and bigotry and Nazi speakers delivering Nazi slogans and Nazi intentions to enact Nazi policies, than it is to refer to such a thing as "a Nazi rally." In the eyes of those who control the platforms of communication, and in the halls of power, and in the minds of many comfortable and privileged people, saying you intend to fight a white supremacist cult is considered far more divisive and radical than being a part of a white supremacist cult who intends to force a fight with everyone else. In fact "we're still going to be sharing a nation with them and there are millions of them" is usually what's said to anybody who suggests we even oppose them. It's said as a reason to not oppose them, as a reason to not even name them for what they have chosen to be. "You can't just get rid of them," it's said. The suggestion seems to be that in so doing we are excluding them from society, isolating them, dehumanizing them, by naming what it is they have chosen to become (which, again, is a white supremacist cult), and by refusing to accept their unacceptable propositions as acceptable. It's not so popular to suggest that the answer is for white supremacists to change their behavior. It's far more popular to say we need to heal the white supremacist cult. It's far more popular to issue reminders that we need to leave paths open for the white supremacist cult to find redemption

Apology Not Accepted

Another exceptional post from Andrew Moxon that I encourage you all to make some time to read.

When all of this is over, no matter how long it takes to send Shitler to prison, I will not forget and I will not forgive the christian nationalist white supremacists who have brought us here.

This includes people I thought I knew.

We must drive these cancerous, violent, hateful people back into social isolation and societal rejection, where they have always belonged.

This includes people I thought I knew.

[bloobydabloob]

Holy shit I love your Dirk interpretations, it's so true and I could talk about this shit forever. I feel like another part of his character that people seem to forget (along with Roxy for some reason) is that he's from the future in solitude in an apocalyptic wasteland. I just see that part of his character always removed which is disappointing because I feel like that's a pretty big part, especially regarding his themes around technology, his brother's theme of Time, his own isolation, and how he plays in the vastness of the universe and spacetime.

Art I drew related to the subject because I like to respond to asks with art.

But absolutely. I certainly understand where the lack of discussion over his isolation + upbringing comes from, considering a majority of the fanbase that I have seen builds their ideas based on their own version of postcanon. I’m not entirely sure how that would be fixed, but certainly even in the somewhat recent past I would see a lot more content regarding his upbringing both literally and symbolically. I don’t have much to add regarding the things you’ve mentioned, because they just are what they are. Dirk being confined to a singular room left to him by a father figure he never met, in a future where the only other person left on the planet is someone he cannot pursue a relationship of because of himself, with purely 3 robots to keep him companion, one being an exact replica of his own brain who is *also* trapped inside a pair of glasses, is about as literal as it gets to me.

The contrast to me involving the flooded, organic world in comparison to the little speckle of Dirk’s apartment packed with the dude and his technics is not only a representation of his isolation and entrapment within himself, but also of his lack of control. I think his obsession with & themes of control are a direct product in the case of Dirk specifically *of* this kind of upbringing. His themes of technology are also related to his themes around control. So much of his character is actually revolved around this to me like so much. Dirk is so deeply disconnected from humanity in every way and so much of his character + symbolism is based around that.

It doesn’t even have to be about the symbolism or anything though. It’s just pretty *interesting* in the literal sense that he lives in the middle of the ocean in the future. There’s not only a lot to theorise on to do with his young life there, but on how it might affect him in the way he acts for the rest of his life. The latter part is probably what I see mentioned the most by people talking about Dirk regarding this, I’m surprised I don’t see more discussion on the former too though. I really ought to actually talk more about Homestuck stuff on here. I will do it myself.

Roxy & Dirk’s relationship is largely ignored though because there is a narrative a certain demographic spreads that Dirk resented and blamed Roxy for her interest in him, and thus too many people believe that their relationship was or would continue to be an abusive one. Realistically, I believe it’s important to acknowledge that the way Roxy treated Dirk regarding his homosexuality wasn’t right while still acknowledging the obvious amount of respect and admiration Dirk had for Roxy. I mean we have a huge piece of dialogue from their post trickster mode conversations on the quest beds from Dirk purely stating how he feels about Roxy that people completely ignore somehow. I think this usually happens to characters that are women though. I know everyone says it, but it is true. Jane gets the exact same treatment of boiling her down to solely her negative aspects. The things I see completely mischaracterising both of them are horrific.

I mean how much more explicit can it get that their relationship is obviously very important to Dirk? But I digress. I think the best or I should say “most interesting” interpretations of their relationship usually come from DirkRoxy shippers actually.

I would be interested to hear about Dirk’s relation to his brother’s theme of time though. I don’t have any thoughts on this and I don’t recall ever hearing anyone talk about it before. If you or anyone else would be willing to enlighten me I’d be thrilled.

[acid-ixx]

— masterlist !

every time i think about my series (again &. again), and the reader's fear towards the color green (or anything associated with damian, their half brother), i think about just how more painful it would be if you share the same features with him that he shares with bruce that amps up the angst element.

it doesn't have to be any major features, it could be small, but noticeable. something that has you reeling in yourself.

maybe it's the shape of your fingers or your brows, the plump of your cheeks, or maybe how your skin flushes the same way his does. maybe it's the way your eyebrows furrow like him, or the quirk of your lips whenever you smile a shadow of his smirk.

it doesn't matter because the more you look, the more you notice.

and the more you remember his glinting, green eyes standing by the arch of your doorway, menacingly watching over your shifting, paranoid body; ready to strike at you like you're prey, ready to eliminate your undeserving presence in the manor.

and of course, it's not a big deal, but for an overthinker like you, someone who's always trying to overcorrect, forcing yourself to not be associated by your family— cutting off every interest, or object, any damn thing that reminds you of them; sharing similarities with appearances, something so intimate, something that could've been just yours, with your youngest brother no less, your tormentor, just makes you want to rip that part of your body to seams.

it inadvertently makes you wish you were never bruce's child, too.

just so you could never see damian in yourself, just so your heart doesn't hasten every time you look in the mirror and find yourself staring at those features for hours. until the image of yourself twists into him, until you're the exact copy of the assassin, of the demon child, of the boy you have to unfortunately call your brother.

and every time you do so, there's a haze fogging inside your head, there's this sickening urge to hurt yourself, to change your appearance even if it's a part of your that cherishes the image of your mother too— if it means taking away the unwanted stems that remind yourself too much of him.

the truth is, you don't hate him, or rather you can't bring yourself to, out of pure, convoluted fear.

you despise the way he makes it feel like there's spiders crawling in the back of your throat, or how your body automatically locks up at the slight mention of his name.

even if you see him as just that, a young boy raised to be corrupted; his youth doesn't disregard the fact that he is the incarnate of danger, the same boy who threatened to end your life at first meeting. whose words cut sharper than blades, whose sword is perched on his back; an unspoken promise to cut more than the skin of your neck if you dare try to fight back.

that even though he's significantly younger, he still holds too much power, enough to destroy your life for something you couldn't even control— your inability to be like them.

you don't hate him, you can't.

but it's easier to hate yourself for it instead.

because if it's so hard to despise him, then it's better to blame yourself for your shortcomings. if you fear looking at yourself, the shadow of your features distorting into damian, then you deserve to feel it.

if your hands find themselves ripping at your hair (the strands, god, the ends of your hair reminds you of the spikes of his, you want to die), then let it hurt you, let it destroy your being until you're nothing but dim, sunken eyes and blood-soaked clothes. let the hatred fester to the point your body transforms into an alien-like appearance just to forget him.

it doesn't register within you just how much you're subjecting yourself to the same tortures you were forced upon in that putrid manor.

the same way you let the torment living in that cage repeat like a cycle, again and again, never truly moving on from your past; a sick narrative you're never escaping from.

after all, you can never run away from the past. it bites you back, with the same, or even stronger force, until all that controls you is fear.

fear that forces you to look in the mirror, stare at yourself, nitpicking every notable feature in your face, in your body, that reminds you of them. fear that's enough to turn you emotional in all your good days, that ruins a happiness you haven't felt for a decade, even more.

fear will always control.

damian will always have control over you, he'll always have the upper-hand.

sometimes, the innocent, young boy you try to find behind the exterior of hatred turns out to be a hideous monster all throughout.

unfortunately, you see that monster in you, too.

a/n: we love complicated relationship dynamics!!! i just woke up and was like, "wait, i have an idea." LMAO. idk half of what i wrote, did i eat with this drabble? maybe. ignore my sudden disappearance sometimes, in another life i'm a hermit crab who hides in its shell probably.

— if i wrote damian here to be too "evil," it's because it's written in the perspective of the reader and their trauma. i don't want him to be this one-dimensional character, he's one of my favorites after all, but i need to establish the relationships and writing drabbles like these help a lot in portraying how they see each other. damian sees you in a different light (you make him weak), and you do too— but both see each other in some twisted perspective of loving each other because you're both still siblings at the end of the day (i'm gonna write more about this too).

[genderqueerdykes]

is it bad that i hate when people take my posts about trans issues and make trans women the center of them. my posts always say “trans people” when i talk generally about the violence and transphobia because i mean that. all trans people, not only one kind. but every time the comments turn it into a discussion revolving around trans women.

i’m not against talking about specific demographics! but it’s very frustrating when people take trans men and non-binary people out of the picture when i intentionally included them by NOT specifying a specific gender of trans people.

it’s honestly very disappointing and disheartening that trans men aren’t included in any type of discussion when it comes to trans issues. at least not that i see, i don’t know.

additionally, when (mainly perisex cis)people claim their supposed allyship to trans people, they only talk about how they include trans women in their feminism and women’s spaces. no mention of trans men. and when we ARE talked about, it’s “i hate trans men because they’re just like cis men :)” or “no i don’t want trans men in WOMENS spaces because they’re men”.

i don’t know… maybe i’m too sensitive, but it’s something i don’t like. we should definitely bring awareness to trans women’s issues but not completely forget about the existence of trans men.

i think it's okay to feel that way. i don't care for when people do that to me, either. this discussion is long overdue and so few people want to have it, but this is an issue. yes, trans women are allowed to talk about our issues, we are. i'm not saying we should never speak. what i'm saying is we can't take posts that are made for everyone and make them about us and us alone.

we need to stop making conversations about transmasculine people about us. not all nonbinary people are transfeminine, other intersex, multigender, nonbinary, genderqueer, gendervast, gnc, etc people need a chance to speak. like i'm serious, it's okay to talk about one's own experience. but if it is explicitly to point out why people should not listen to other people when they are talking about their own issues, and that they should listen to you instead, you are controlling the narratives, and shifting the goalposts.

it's one thing to say "here's what i experience" but if someone takes your post and goes. hey actually. trans women have it the worst. they're the one leaving other people out of the picture in that situation. whenever you try to point this out on this website, people foam at the mouth to try to kill you and it's ridiculous. when, well, with so many people bringing it up:

it's an issue.

there's been a specific group of people who identify as transradfems and people who identify with their politics even if they don't know the name for it. they are pushing people to be quiet and not speak about their own experiences because somehow that silences trans women, as if we can only be about one type of queer person at once. it's gotten old. like can we seriously just have this conversation already and be done with?

i feel like i have to say the thing that most people are afraid of, because this conversation is way overdue.

can disenfranchised dysphoric trans women stop attacking men & mascs because you don't like being seen as one? can disenfranchised trans women who have been hurt by men stop attacking men who haven't hurt you?

enough. men & mascs are not your personal punching bag. manhood isn't what hurt you. being forced to be a man or masc is what hurt you. the general concept of manhood and men did not hurt you. let go. i understand it's painful to get misgendered and treated as a man for life. it sucks. you don't deserve that. no trans woman does. nobody deserves to be misgendered. you don't deserve to be dehumanized because people refuse to see you for who you are. it's okay to acknowledge that you're in pain. but you gotta let the fuck go of your irrational hatred, because it will never help you accept or love yourself

you will never experience true trans joy if you spend all of your time hating on other people. hate solves nothing. if that's the only thing you see, that's the only thing you feel. if hate has nowhere else to go, it rapidly turns inward. you will not be seen as a woman by more people if you attack men. you will not be accepted by cis radfems if you attack men and parrot their politics. this isn't helping you, or anyone else.

we need to break down these walls and talk to each other. trans women and trans men can have conversations about our experiences at the exact same time. conversations involve multiple points of input. if we're only allowing one type of person to speak and one type of person to speak only: that is a lecture. that is not a discussion. if you never listen or give other people a chance to speak, you are lecturing them.

[missrosiesworld]

Heartstrings and Wagging Tails

Adorable headcanons for Seth Lowell's crush moments 😍 I decided to write my crush headcanons more narratively, so you guys can feel more immersed in the characters' emotions and experiences, making every scenario relatable and heartfelt. I'll keep writing headcanons this way if you guys like it, and I'll revise my previous ones to match it. 😊

1. Awkward yet Adorable: Seth becomes a bundle of nerves around his crush. His normally calm demeanor turns into shy, flustered gestures. His tail wags uncontrollably whenever they’re near, and his ears often twitch at the sound of their voice. He stumbles over his words and laughs nervously, but his sincerity shines through.

“Oh, uh, hi!” Seth stammered, his words coming out in a rushed jumble. “I didn’t—didn’t see you there. Not that I was looking for you or anything! I mean—uh—how’s it going?” He gave a nervous laugh, his hand darting to the back of his neck as his ears twitched furiously.

His crush raised an eyebrow, a smile tugging at the corners of their lips. “It’s going fine, Seth,” they said with a soft chuckle. “You okay? You seem... jittery.”

Seth’s ears flattened slightly, and his tail slowed, though it still swayed nervously behind him. “Jittery? Me? No way,” he said, his voice a touch higher than usual. His hand remained on the back of his neck, rubbing at it awkwardly as if the motion would ground him. “I’m totally... fine.”

“If you say so, Seth,” they replied with an amused smile, leaving Seth to fumble for anything else to say as butterflies in his stomach flew.

2. Small Acts of Kindness: Seth expresses his feelings through actions rather than words. He’ll bring them their favorite drink or snack from the cafe, offer to carry their things, or go out of his way to help with tasks, no matter how small. His crush may not even realize the effort behind these gestures, but Seth is secretly proud every time he makes their day a little easier.

Seth walked into the office break room, his tail swishing nervously behind him as he clutched a freshly brewed cup of coffee. The aroma of rich, roasted beans wafted from the cup, mingling with the scent of his nervous energy. He had spent the last ten minutes trying to pick the perfect blend, remembering how his crush always talked about their favorite flavor with a small smile that he couldn’t forget.

He spotted them sitting at their desk, their brow furrowed in concentration as they typed away, completely unaware of his presence. Taking a steadying breath, Seth approached, his ears twitching slightly. “Hey,” he began, his voice a little hesitant as he stopped just a few feet from them. His fingers tightened slightly around the cup as his crush looked up at him, their expression softening into a warm smile.

“I noticed you were out of coffee earlier,” Seth continued, holding out the cup toward them, his tail wagging slightly despite his best efforts to control it. “So, I grabbed this for you on my break.”

Their eyes widened slightly in surprise as they reached out to take the cup, their fingers brushing his for just a moment. “Oh, wow, thank you!” they said, the warmth in their voice making Seth’s ears twitch again. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Seth felt his cheeks warm as he smiled shyly, his gaze darting briefly to the side before returning to theirs. “It’s no big deal,” he replied, his voice soft but sincere. “I just thought… you’d like it.”

They looked at him for a moment, their smile growing as they brought the cup closer. “You’re really thoughtful, Seth,” they said, their tone filled with gratitude. “This is exactly what I needed.”

Hearing their words, Seth’s heart swelled with pride, and his tail wagged just a little faster. He gave a small, nervous chuckle, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m glad you like it,” he murmured, his smile lingering long after returning to his desk, secretly thrilled that his small act of kindness had made their day a little better.

3. Stealing Glances: Seth can’t help but sneak glances at his crush when they’re not looking. He admires the way they move, their smile, and how they speak. If caught staring, he’ll quickly look away, his cheeks turning bright red as he pretends to focus on something else.

Seth couldn’t help himself. Every time his crush was nearby, his eyes seemed to have a mind of their own, drifting toward them like magnets. He admired how they moved, how effortlessly they seemed to brighten the room, and how their smile seemed to light up everything around them.

Caught up in the sound of their voice as they spoke to a coworker, Seth rested his chin in his hand, his gaze softening without him even realizing it. He wasn’t just looking—he was completely captivated.

That’s when they turned suddenly, catching him mid-stare. Their lips curved into a teasing grin, and they raised an eyebrow. “You know, Seth,” they said playfully, their voice laced with amusement, “if you keep staring, I might start charging you.”

Seth jolted upright, his ears flattening against his head as panic set in. “I-I wasn’t staring!” he blurted out, his tail twitching behind him as he waved his hands defensively. “I mean, I wasn’t staring in a weird way! I—um—” His words faltered, his cheeks burning a bright red as he scrambled to recover.

They burst into laughter, their tone warm and kind rather than mocking. “Relax, Seth,” they said between chuckles. “I’m just messing with you.”

Hearing their reassurance, Seth let out a shaky laugh of his own, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “Oh… right,” he mumbled, his voice sheepish. “I knew that.” But his flushed cheeks and twitching tail betrayed him entirely.

4. Overthinking Everything: Seth constantly worries about saying or doing the wrong thing. He rehearses conversations in his head but usually forgets everything the moment his crush speaks to him.

Seth stood in front of his bathroom mirror, his tail twitching nervously as he stared at his reflection. His ears flicked slightly as he practiced his lines for the umpteenth time, determined to get it right. “Okay, Seth,” he muttered, pointing at himself in the mirror for emphasis. “It’s simple. Just tell them you like their outfit. That’s all. Easy, right?” He straightened his posture and tried again, his tone overly rehearsed. “‘Hey, you look great today!’ See? Simple. You’ve got this.”

Taking a deep breath, he smoothed his tail and made his way outside, his tail swishing behind him with anticipation and nervous energy. As he walked his usual route, his ears perked up, catching the familiar sound of their voice. His crush was heading toward him, their smile bright and inviting as they waved. Seth’s heart skipped a beat, and all the confidence he’d tried to muster suddenly evaporated.

“Morning, Seth! How are you?” they greeted, their voice warm and cheerful as they stopped in front of him.

Seth froze, his tail wagging anxiously as his rehearsed lines scattered from his mind like leaves in the wind. “Uh, your shoes!” he blurted out, his voice higher-pitched than he intended. His ears flattened in panic as he realized what he’d just said. “I mean, your shoes look great today! Wait, no—your outfit!” His hands waved frantically as he tried to recover, his cheeks flushing a deep red. “I mean, everything looks great—uh—on you—oh no…”

His crush blinked for a moment before letting out a soft, amused laugh, their smile kind and genuine. “Thanks, Seth,” they said, their voice warm enough to ease some of his embarrassment. “You’re sweet.”

Seth stood there, his tail now still as he stared at them, his ears twitching slightly. “I... uh, yeah. Anytime,” he mumbled, his voice barely above a whisper. As they continued on their way, he buried his face in his hands, groaning softly to himself. “Smooth, Seth. Real smooth.”

5. Protective Streak: While Seth is shy around his crush, he’s fiercely protective if they’re in danger or even slightly uncomfortable. His usual nerves disappear as he steps up, ensuring they’re safe and happy.

Seth’s ears twitched as he noticed the subtle shift in his crush’s demeanor. Their posture stiffened slightly, their steps faltering as a stranger stepped a little too close, their tone sharp and invasive. Seth’s usual nervousness vanished in an instant, replaced by a firm resolve. Without hesitation, he stepped forward, placing himself squarely between his crush and the potential threat.

“Hey,” Seth said, his voice steady, a surprising firmness underlying his usual soft-spoken tone. His tail, usually wagging or swaying nervously, now stood still as his striking eyes—a mesmerizing gradient from purple to blue—fixed firmly on the stranger. “Is there a problem here?” His ears tilted forward, his protective instincts fully engaged. “Because I’m not going to let anything happen to them.”

The stranger hesitated, clearly caught off guard by Seth’s sudden confidence. They scoffed, crossing their arms in a show of bravado. “What’s it to you, huh? I was just talking to them.”

Seth’s gaze didn’t waver, his gradient eyes glinting with calm determination and an unspoken warning. “Yeah? Well, they don’t seem interested in talking to you. So, maybe you should move along.” His tone remained calm, but an edge to his words made it clear he wasn’t going to back down.

The stranger grumbled something under their breath before stepping back, muttering, “Whatever, man. Not worth the trouble.” They turned and walked away, leaving Seth standing firm.

As the tension dissolved, Seth’s tail resumed its usual swaying, and the adrenaline coursing through him began to fade. He turned back to his crush, his ears lowering slightly as his protective demeanor softened into something gentler. His gradient eyes, now filled with warmth, locked onto theirs. “Are you okay?” he asked, his voice returning to its usual nervous warmth.

His crush nodded, their expression softening into one of pure gratitude. “Thank you, Seth,” they said earnestly, their voice carrying a warmth that sent a new wave of butterflies through him. “I really appreciate it.”

Seth’s cheeks turned pink, and he rubbed the back of his neck, his earlier confidence giving way to his typical bashfulness. “It’s nothing, really. I just... couldn’t stand the thought of you being uncomfortable.”

Their smile widened, and they reached out, touching his arm lightly. “It wasn’t nothing, Seth. It meant a lot. Thank you.”

Seth’s tail wagged a little faster, and he ducked his head, a small, shy smile creeping onto his face. His gradient eyes, now soft and glowing, flickered up to meet theirs. “Anytime,” he murmured. “I’ll always look out for you.”

6. Subtle Compliments: Seth tries to sneak compliments into conversations, his voice softer than usual and his eyes full of admiration. He’s always genuine, even if his delivery is awkward.

The soft hum of conversation filled the room as Seth sat across from his crush, his tail twitching nervously under the table. He’d been silently working up the courage to say something, anything, to let them know just how much they meant to him. His ears twitched as he finally caught their gaze, his heart skipping a beat.

"You, uh, you really know how to brighten a room, you know?" he stammered, his voice softer than usual, the words tumbling out before he could overthink them. His hands fidgeted slightly on the table, and he quickly clasped them together to keep them still. "It’s... kind of amazing."

His crush blinked, their expression melting into a warm smile. "Thanks, Seth," they replied, their voice light and genuine. "That means a lot."

The sincerity in their tone made Seth’s ears flatten slightly, his face growing warm as a blush spread across his cheeks. He tried to look away, but their smile kept pulling his gaze back. "I mean it," he said, fumbling slightly with his words but pushing through. "You’re... you’re really something special."

Their smile grew even wider, and they leaned slightly forward, their eyes sparkling with amusement and appreciation. "You’re pretty special yourself, Seth," they said softly. 

Seth’s tail swished behind him, his heart thundering in his chest at their words. He ducked his head slightly, a shy grin spreading across his face as he whispered, "Thanks... I guess we’re both lucky then."

7. Dreaming of Confession: Seth often finds himself daydreaming about the perfect way to confess his feelings, picturing scenarios where everything goes smoothly. However, in reality, his confession is likely to be shy, heartfelt, and full of stammers—but completely genuine.

Seth had spent countless nights rehearsing this moment in his head, imagining every detail. He pictured himself calm, collected, standing confidently as he delivered the words that had been burning inside him for so long. In his daydreams, his crush would smile warmly, their eyes lighting up as they accepted his feelings with grace and maybe even excitement. It was perfect—every time he ran through it in his mind.

But now that the moment had come, Seth felt anything but confident. His palms were clammy, and his tail swayed nervously behind him, betraying his attempts to stay composed. He took a shaky breath, standing just close enough to his crush to feel the faint warmth of their presence. His ears twitched as he finally mustered the courage to speak.

“I—I just wanted to say that I think…” He faltered, his voice catching as his nerves threatened to consume him. He glanced down at the ground, taking another deep breath before meeting their eyes again. “I think you’re amazing. And, uh, I really like spending time with you. Like, a lot.”

His crush tilted their head slightly, their expression soft and attentive, encouraging him to continue.

“So, um, maybe we could… go out sometime?” The words tumbled out in a rush, and Seth immediately felt his cheeks flush a deep red. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, his ears flattening slightly as he braced himself for their response.

To his astonishment, his crush’s lips curled into a warm smile, their eyes shimmering with kindness. “I’d like that, Seth,” they said, their voice steady and sincere.

Seth’s heart nearly stopped. “Y-you would?” he stammered, his tail wagging furiously now. “Really?”

His crush laughed softly, their smile growing wider. “Yes, really,” they replied, their voice warm and full of sincerity. “I’ve been hoping you’d ask me.”

Seth blinked, feeling a rush of warmth spread through him at their words. He fumbled for something else to say, his thoughts a chaotic swirl of disbelief and joy. “I mean it,” he managed, his voice quieter now but no less genuine. “You’re… you’re really something special.”

His crush’s gaze softened even further, and they reached out to gently touch his arm. “And so are you,” they replied warmly. 

In that moment, Seth felt like he was floating, the weight of his nerves finally lifting. This was even better than any of his daydreams. It was real.

8. Clumsy Around Them: Seth, usually competent and steady, becomes noticeably clumsy when his crush is around. He’ll trip over his words—or even his feet—whenever they catch him off guard. His ears flatten in embarrassment, but it only makes him more endearing.

Seth walked into the cozy cafe, his ears already twitching as he spotted his crush seated near the corner. They were casually sipping their drink, completely at ease, and the sight of their warm smile when they noticed him sent a jolt through his chest. He lifted a hand in a little wave, trying to act cool, but his tail wagged uncontrollably behind him, betraying his excitement.

“Hey, Seth!” his crush greeted cheerfully. “Over here.”

Seth smiled nervously and started toward the table, weaving between chairs and patrons with his usual focus. But as he approached, his shoe caught the edge of a chair leg, sending him stumbling forward. His hands flailed instinctively as he tried to steady himself, and for a horrifying moment, he realized he was about to knock over their coffee table.

With a last-ditch effort, Seth caught himself on the edge of the table, managing to stop the inevitable disaster. He stood frozen for a second, his ears flattened, his cheeks burning with embarrassment. “I—I’m fine!” he blurted, straightening up and waving his hands as if to dismiss the near-miss. “Just, uh... testing my reflexes. Totally meant to do that.”

His crush burst into laughter, the sound light and warm. “Careful, Seth! You almost took the whole table with you,” they teased, their eyes twinkling with amusement.

Seth’s ears turned an even deeper shade of red as he rubbed the back of his neck, his tail curling slightly behind him in mortification. “I—I wasn’t gonna! I had it under control the whole time,” he stammered, though his sheepish grin said otherwise.

His crush leaned back in their chair, still smiling fondly. “Right… sure you did,” they said, their tone playful but kind. They reached out and patted the table as if to reassure it. “Well, at least you saved the coffee. That’s the important part.”

Seth let out a small laugh, finally relaxing a little. “Yeah, no spilled coffee here,” he said, trying to match their lighthearted tone. But as he sat down across from them, his mind was already racing, determined not to let his clumsiness get the better of him again—at least not too soon.

9. Quiet Admiration: When his crush talks about their passions, Seth listens intently, his tail stilling as he absorbs every word. His eyes light up at their enthusiasm, and he quietly commits every detail to memory, just so he can bring it up later to surprise them.

Seth sat across from his crush at a small cafe, his elbows resting on the table and his tail unusually still, a rarity when he was this close to them. They were animatedly talking about something they loved, their voice lighting up with excitement as they spoke. Seth couldn’t take his eyes off them, his ears twitching slightly as he absorbed every word.

"I’ve always wanted to visit that little bakery downtown," they said, their eyes shining with enthusiasm. "They have the best croissants, apparently. I’ve been dying to try them!"

Seth’s ears perked up at the mention of the bakery, his mind already picturing the quaint little shop. He nodded earnestly, leaning forward slightly, the intensity of his focus making his tail still further. "Really?" he asked, his voice steady but soft, trying to match their energy without betraying how nervous he felt. "That sounds great. We could... I mean, if you want, I could go with you sometime? You know, to check it out together."

Their grin widened, and the way their eyes sparkled made Seth’s heart skip a beat. "That sounds like fun. Let’s do it," they said, their voice brimming with excitement.

Seth felt warmth bloom in his chest, his tail giving a hesitant wag as a shy smile spread across his face. "Yeah? Okay, great," he said, his voice a little more confident now. "Just let me know when, and I’ll make sure I’m free."

As they continued chatting, Seth silently vowed to look up the bakery’s best offerings and plan the perfect outing to make it a memorable experience for them both.

10. Overly Concerned for Their Well-Being: Seth can’t help but fuss over his crush, worrying about even the smallest things. Did they eat? Are they tired? Did they bring an umbrella? His concern is always genuine, and he’s quick to offer help or comfort, even for minor inconveniences.

The rain was coming down steadily, a cold drizzle that clung to everything it touched and cast a silvery sheen across the pavement. Seth’s wipers moved rhythmically across his patrol car’s windshield, their steady beat the only sound besides the rain tapping against the glass. The streets were nearly deserted, the air carrying the distinct chill of damp weather that seeped into the bones. 

As he turned a corner, his ears twitched, catching sight of a figure up ahead. His breath hitched as he recognized them—his crush, walking briskly down the sidewalk. Their head was bowed against the rain, their arms wrapped tightly around themselves in a futile attempt to ward off the cold. Droplets clung to their hair, and their shoulders hunched as they tried to avoid the relentless downpour.

Seth’s heart clenched painfully at the sight. They looked utterly miserable, their soaked clothes clinging to their frame and their steps hurried but unsure on the slippery pavement. Without a second thought, he pulled his car to the curb, the tires splashing through a shallow puddle. Grabbing the umbrella from the passenger seat, he leapt out, the drizzle immediately beginning to soak into his uniform, though he barely noticed.

“Hey!” he called out, his voice carrying over the rain as he jogged toward them. The umbrella in his hand shielded him from the worst of the downpour, but his concern wasn’t for himself. 

His crush turned at the sound of his voice, their expression shifting from surprise to relief as they recognized him. “Seth?” they asked, their voice soft but filled with a hint of disbelief.

“What are you doing walking out here in this weather?” he asked, his tone laced with worry as he stepped closer, angling the umbrella to cover them both. Droplets rolled off the fabric, pattering onto the ground. “You’re soaked!” 

They shrugged sheepishly, their damp clothes clinging to them as they shivered. “I was just trying to get home,” they explained, their voice a little shaky. “I didn’t think it would rain this much.”

Seth frowned, his tail flicking sharply behind him in agitation. The sight of them shivering under the relentless rain stirred something protective in him. “Come on,” he said firmly, his voice gentle but insistent. “Let me get you out of this rain. My car’s right here.”

Without waiting for an answer, he gently guided them toward his patrol car, one hand holding the umbrella steady while the other lightly rested on their back. The warmth of his touch, even through the chill of their wet clothes, was enough to coax them into following.

When they reached the passenger side, Seth opened the door for them, his movements quick but careful. “Here, sit down. I’ll turn up the heat.” He waited until they were settled inside before closing the door gently. Water dripped from his uniform as he jogged around to the driver’s side, shaking droplets from his hair before climbing in.

As soon as he was seated, he cranked up the heater, filling the car with a comforting warmth. The windows fogged slightly as the temperature shifted. He reached into the backseat, rummaging through the items he kept there until his hand landed on a towel. Pulling it free, he turned back to them, his expression earnest.

“Here,” he said, holding the towel out. “Let me help.”

Before they could protest, Seth leaned over slightly and began patting their hair dry with gentle, careful motions. His touch was warm and unhurried, as though he had all the time in the world to make sure they were comfortable. 

“Seth, you don’t have to—” they started, their voice soft, but he interrupted before they could finish.

“I want to,” he said, his ears flicking nervously as he continued. His voice was quiet but insistent, the sincerity in his tone undeniable. “You’re cold and soaked. Just let me help, okay?”

They fell silent, their cheeks warming as they smiled at him, gratitude deeper than words shining in their eyes. “Thank you,” they said quietly, their voice filled with genuine emotion.

Seth’s cheeks flushed faintly at their response, but he didn’t stop, his tail swishing gently behind him. “It’s no big deal,” he murmured shyly, his voice soft as his hands worked to dry their hair. “I just... didn’t want you catching a cold or anything.”

His crush chuckled softly, the sound light and warm, and their smile grew as they watched him. For a moment, the cold rain outside was forgotten, replaced by the comforting warmth of the car, the gentle hum of the heater, and Seth’s tender care.

[lucidloving]

I learned how to be quiet about pain when I was very young. I learned how to fold in on myself like laundry, to take up less space in the cupboard. I learned how to keep the peace around me by sweeping the dirt under my own rug.

I have been taught that expressing my less favourable emotions is just complaining—something weak people do when they're too incompetent to solve their own problems.

Incompetent. Incompetent. This word is very important to me. Incompetent is the word I am always running from. To run from incompetency means to run from feeling dejected, feeling lost, feeling hurt. To run from incompetency is to run towards goodness. To run towards a me who knows all the answers and shoulders all the burdens and shrugs off all the pain.

Some days I am not very good at this race I am running. Days when the past lurches forward to bite my ankles, or days when the future looks back to scorn my present.

On these days I am weak. The poise slips. It's all too easy to cry a little and vent my fears. I forget that I am supposed to be keeping all of this shut away where no one else can see. I forget that I am not supposed to be dragged down by these feelings in the first place.

Today I feigned nonchalance and I feigned it well. No one noticed that I was hurt by the thing that happened, and sitting alone in all my hurt, I was bitterly gratified. I had fulfilled the proper narrative of an animal who is injured and returns to its cave to lick its wounds only in private.

But there is a desperation for the hidden pain to be noticed. This is the Achilles' Heel of the whole stealth operation; it threatens the little play I have constructed in which I suffer alone and inconvenience no one and am all the stronger for it.

Today I stood upright to talk to my mother and doubled over in pain the moment she left the room. It is satisfying, knowing I did the valiant and honourable thing of keeping the damn pain to myself. It is infuriating, the way my eyes flickered to the door in the dark and private hope that she would come back in and witness me while I was down.

I want to be strong and hide all the hard things away. I want someone to see my efforts to hide all the hard things away and realise I'm strong. I want to bring to life this character I have created who suffers without complaint and is loved when the truth is revealed. Who suffers well.

This is the person who stores up agony to a breaking point, to justify the ultimate snapping of composure. This is the person who wants to be depended on relentlessly and one-sidedly, so that someone someday might notice the unfairness of it all. This is the person who virtuously and righteously take all the hits without a sound, so that when they finally, inevitably break, their pain will come to light all at once and inspire awe and guilt in equal measure.

Who am I, really? Is it terrible to want to play this character? Perhaps some old wound craves acknowledgement and understanding and doesn't know how else to ask for it except by hiding until it festers.

Strength. Competency. Resilience. Dependability. Independence. They have all become synonyms in my black and white dictionary. They have all become straws for the drowning man.

I self-impose silence. I take pleasure in denial and secrecy. I take pride in successfully keeping a problem to myself.

Pride. That's another important word. I think I have too much of it, although it pains me when others point it out. Pride implies I think highly of myself, which is something a good person should never do. Pride is so audaciously self-absorbed, so high-and-mighty, so filthy with ego. There's probably a lot of it in this damn thing I've written.

Pride is the other thing that keeps my mouth shut. The thing that says I should be austere, untouchable, immovable. Pride is the thing that says look here, you don't have a lot going for you so you better keep this mask on right if you want to be good. If you want to be admired.

These terrible things keep me safe. I can't let go of that stupidly noble character or that cowardly pride. I need them to shield me from the reality that I am emotional, not all that put together, and honestly hopeless most of the time.

I need to have something worth liking about myself. I need to have a grit that makes me undeniably good. I need to have a strength that goes unsung, that lies in wait of discovery.

What an exhausting way to live. But it's the only way I know.

[daretoassume]

the feeling of knowing it is done

it is often said, as neville pointed out, "it is done," and this is absolutely true. now, how can you live your daily life knowing that it is done? what would it feel like to go through each day, fully aware that your desires have already come to fruition?

usually, you would try to think of ways how it will happen, or when, or if you are closer to it—will it happen this year, this month, or not? and you have this narrative or belief that says, "oh, it's possible to happen this way, so I'm expecting this to happen this way more than that way because it feels more believable and not impossible." but that is not your job to know. yet that's the thing—we usually think about it all the time, especially when we are not guarding our thoughts. so, you'd rather do all these different techniques people do online because it won't hurt to follow them, right?

but what you're actually telling yourself is that you don't trust yourself—that you already have what it takes, that you already have your desires. your refusal to believe is the only thing that is keeping things at bay.

"so, do not ask how it’s going to be done. all i have to do is to completely yield to this being within me, for he has ways and means that i, on this level of my being, know not of. i rise then under compulsion. and under this compulsion, i go through a series of events, which will lead up to the fulfillment of that to which i yielded. i assume that it’s done." ♱ faith is loyalty to unseen reality, neville goddard

you put your desires on a pedestal, your focus is on wanting those desires, but WANTING something doesn't get you to the state of HAVING. the state of NOT having is thinking that your desires are going to make you feel better, or that they will make you feel like a new person, but you have to understand that the physical reality is mirroring you—your state, your thoughts, your feelings. nothing will change if you are expecting the physical reality to change first in order to change you.

that's not how it works.

your state should change first. there is literally no one to change but self. so, accept the fact that it is done. give yourself the capability to realize that it is already done. your beliefs, your perceptions, and your state should be aligned with your desires. what would it be like to have those desires? what would it be like to be the person you want to be? what does the best version of you, who has everything, think, feel, act, and believe?

when you are in a state of hurry, desperate to see your desires in your physical reality, it simply means you are not aligned with the vibration of the version of you who already has everything she desires. you are making it harder for yourself to realize that it is already done.

"to attempt to change the world before we change our concept of ourselves is to struggle against the nature of things. there can be no outer change until there is first an inner change." ♱ out of this world, neville goddard

rebrand yourself in a way that makes you feel that you have everything. because you do. your potential is buried deep inside of you, wanting to do everything that you are capable of. allow yourself to evolve, to change, to be the most authentic version of yourself. allow yourself to live knowing that it doesn't have to be difficult. allow yourself to live in the now—be so occupied in the now that you forget that you even have those desires or need those desires in the first place. because the feeling of wanting those desires resists the fact that it is already solidified. allow yourself to be the path of least resistance.

and when you are already in that state, you always have to choose to be in that state by decision. be aware of it so your mind is not all over the place.

if it is done, would you think about it all the time, or would you just appreciate that it already exists, that it is already done, and continue about your day, doing whatever you are doing, completely occupied, completely in the now?

[blueraith]

It's wild to me just how badly Vi's arc is misunderstood in S2. The claims I've seen that it was bad because she didn't join up with Ekko to help liberate Zaun or didn't "have enough stuff to do."

Big 'ole S1 Vi analysis under the cut because some "hot" takes seem to forget that Vi's S1 arc even exists.

Like, sorry, but that was never the direction her character was going to go. This was spelled out for us in the very first episode of the show when Vander is giving her that lecture.

"When people look up to you, you don't get to be selfish."

"Whatever happens, it's on you."

This is the first conversation in the show that carries an impactful character building statement. We are effectively being given the start of Vi's character arc verbatim.

She is not allowed to be selfish.

And as S1 Act 1 progresses, and Vi expresses a will to fight, to rebel, to revolt, she is constantly and consistently shut down and discouraged from that way of thinking by her father figure. She's fifteen years old or so, Vander is the only authority figure in her life that she respects. Why wouldn’t she internalize any of this as is, let alone after all the tragedy she's forced to endure at the end of this act?

Then we get to tragedy. Vander tells her two very specific things before and after the showdown with Silco.

"Take care of the family."

"Take care of Powder."

You know. Not, "hey, take over my mantle as Hound of the Underground."

Or "lead Zaun to freedom" or whatever the fuck.

He tells her to look after their family. The people closest to Vi.

And I don't know how many of you are older siblings. Or even older sisters. But I question if some of Vi's most heated critics are either neither of those things or lack any knowledge of sibling dynamics, period. When you are handed this tiny baby from a young age and are told "this is your baby sibling, you have to help take care of them, we won't always be here but they'll always have you" by your parents, that shit sticks with you forever. For better or worse.

If you're parentified on top of that through either circumstance or abuse, then that sentiment turns toxic. Vander, as well-meaning as he is in his talks with Vi, inadvertently presents a pretty black and white viewpoint. When paired with Vi's reaction to his (first) death and learning what Powder did, it becomes even worse.

Think about it. Most people seem to focus solely on Vi's anger issues when she strikes Powder for obvious reasons. But there's this selfishness that Vi temporarily succumbs to when she hits Powder as well. She's not thinking of Powder's emotional state or devastation as she realizes what she's done, Vi is mired in her own grief and anger.

She then walks away from Powder to take a moment to herself and presumably recollect her own composure, also a selfish move.

Now, when I call these actions selfish, I'm not assigning any negative connotations to them. Selfishness is not always a bad thing, putting yourself and your own needs first does not make someone a bad person by default. It can be healthy to take some time for self-care.

The "issue" is that Arcane is a tragedy. The narrative punishes Vi for lashing out and temporarily leaving Powder by having Marcus kidnap her and Silco adopt her sister. Not that Vi even knows that much when it happens. For all she knew, Silco murdered Powder.

So, then Vi spends something like seven years in Stillwater in constant limbo wondering if Powder is even alive. The sheer guilt she must have felt at "failing" to protect her baby sister would have likely been agonizing.

Seven.

Years.

Then she gets out. And all Vi cares about is finding her sister. She doesn't care about the Hexgem besides the fact that it's directly related to Jinx, and Caitlyn lied to her by ommission about it.

She's not trying to retake the Lanes in Vander's name. She only cares about bringing Silco's empire down because of what he did to her family. She wants her sister back first and foremost, she does not care to stick with the Firelights and even leaves Ekko and Cailtyn on the bridge initially to go after Jinx.

It's really her burgeoning feelings for Caitlyn that ever cracks this near obsessive compulsion to chase after her sister. Vi was going to choose Jinx until the point Caitlyn was injured and then the both of them were shot at by Jinx.

Even the moment she falls in love with Caitlyn is tied to her guilt about leaving Powder. The story she tells while they're on Caitlyn’s bed, her obvious grief and guilt over her sister. She's mired in this moment of pain until Caitlyn reaches out to comfort her. Like, Jinx and Caitlyn have always been intertwined in Vi's arc after she meets Caitlyn. There is no overarching thread to connect Vi to any of the political plot points in this story.

Vi's arc is character driven. Always has been. She's motivated by her warring desire to protect those she loves with EVERYTHING she has, and this by now guilty pleasure to finally develop something purely for herself.

It's why she pushes Caitlyn away during the infamous Oil and Water breakup. The class differences she's citing are an excuse, an easy thing she can point at to push Caitlyn away. What's really going on is that she failed to get the Council to decisively act against Silco. She's failed Jinx again in her own mind, he's still out there poisoning her mind, and now she needs to take care of him herself. Caitlyn proved to be a distraction from her goal, and so must be removed.

Even after teaming up with Jayce and then going her own way, Vi does not go after more shimmer factories. She's not rallying the Lanes to revolt with Hextech weaponry in (on) hand. She immediately goes to the Last Drop to challenge Sevika, someone she hates specifically because she'd betrayed Vander. She had every intention to confront Silco right after that.

Then we get the tea party, and Vi has to come to terms with the fact that the sister she loved is fundamentally changed in more ways than one. She's given an ultimatum to choose between her self-imposed duty as an older sister and Caitlyn. The only relationship Vi has ever formed purely for herself.

And she can't do it. It's an impossible choice. Jinx ends up triggered intensely, Caitlyn is struck by indecision and doesn't take the shot because of Vi's pleas, and Jinx goes on to fire that rocket.

Like this is just Season. One. Every single important character moment Vi has is tied to either Jinx, Caitlyn, or both. This is not a new thing S2 did with Vi's character. Her arc was always about how much she was giving to other characters without much thought to herself.

I just don't get how some people expected that to radically change in S2. It was never going to happen. I'll probably make an analysis on S2 Vi as well, but this is already getting very long. It's also a good way to remind some folks that each season of this show does not exist in a vacuum. I've read a lot of takes that seem to just... ignore S1. It's pretty bizarre.

[deancrowleycas]

Favorite Shots Per Episode ✩ 1.06 Skin (3/3)

cinematography analysis and queer reading under the cut

It's of course very obvious that the shapeshifter is functioning as a mirror to Dean, but I still find it fascinating how this is depicted in the cinematography. Because the director isn't using physical mirrors, despite them being such a popular trope in horror for showing the true self or the mental state or metamorphosis of a character. The only time where you sort of see one is in a foreshadowing shortly after the establishing shot with the side-view mirror (which I absolutely love):

But for the rest? Not really. I always wonder if interpret waaaay too much into certain frames, but I am kind of obsessed with how Dean and Becky are divided by the crime scene tape in this shot. Becky is the victim. Dean, well Dean? He's the monster. Kind of. I think a lot of the reflection in this episode happens through what Dean is not also, and he's are not living the lives of 'normal' people. I love how the directing of the episode shows early on that Dean does not belong to that part of society, just like the shapeshifter.

I mean I obviously am doing a queer reading of that (being queer myself), with the monstrous and othered bodies in media being those that are not conforming to various aspects of white cishet society. But I am going to say - the implication that there is a sort of inherent tragedy to Dean's life, not just a sense of not belonging because of his 'lifestyle' but also the fear of being monstrous enough to destroy other people's bodies and livelihoods? Ugh. It hurts, and it's sadly coming back in anti-queer narratives to this day. But yeah, as I said, Dean is portrayed in a way that is disconnecting him from the rest - also from Sam who is the link to this 'normal' life by knowing Becky and who has kept Dean from 'being himself' by pursuing his own dreams and conforming to the exact society that Dean is not belonging to, letting Dean behind in a position where he's neither free to be himself nor enough to be someone else -, and that is giving him a sameness to the shapeshifter.

Dean has to hide the queer part of himself, in a desperate attempt to be accepted, mirrored by the monster of the week: "So maybe this thing was born human but was different, hideous and hated...until he learned to become someone else."

I think that's why I am also obsessed with these shots. Because both the shapeshifter and the shapeshifter as Dean are getting one, revealing their true self underneath the mask that is this body, a body that is subjected to other people's ideas and is projected on and isn't their own. But also the eyes are mirrors? The body part described as the 'mirror to the soul'. It's a little cliché and on the nose, but I find it way cooler than just working with physical mirrors, you know?

And yeah, when it comes to reflections, of course, we cannot forget this scene:

Which is Dean seeing himself, but more so is actually Dean seeing how he is perceived by others. It's not a depiction of his actual self, it's a depiction of the concept of him. We know this, we know Dean is not the 'bad guy' that is televised nor is it an accurate portrayal of him. But I think that it serves to show the audience how media is a place that can shape ideas and construct norms, and it also serves as a way to remind Dean that this is how he will be reacted to if he dares to 'become' monstrous. If he dared to be like the shapeshifter, the outcast, and put his own being over his responsibility to conform. Despite his brother Sam being allowed the same egoism - but Sam's egoism is striving to conform, he's lawboy@stanford.edu you know, and Dean's egoism is striving to be free, to regain control over his body.

And then we have this shot.

Followed by this shot.

Dean 'killing' this reflection of himself, this part of himself in favor of serving and saving. He's a freak, but he's not just a freak like Sam in that he's currently living the hunter lifestyle and didn't really fit into Stanford. Because - well, he's different than Sam. Queer. He's isolated, alone, born hated like the shapeshifter if he ever lived his true self, yearning to be loved. The shapeshifter literally says it: "All he wants is for someone to love him. He’s like me. You know, everybody needs a little human touch now and then. It’s so hard to be different." I think this episode hits so hard for me because you can see Dean's self-hatred, especially in that last shot, Dean's internal struggles that he hides so well under his hero-esque facade. But also how he is ultimately a loving and caring person, putting everyone's happiness above himself.

I think despite this episode reading like being queer is an inherent tragedy at first glance, it walks a fine line in actually trying to convey quite the opposite. Dean is other, but the other isn't bad. Yes, he does good by suppressing himself, so does that mean he has to act according to others to be happy? I don't think that is what the episode is saying. I think it is more an example of Dean's 'monstrosity' being not the same as the shapeshifter's monstrosity in the end, that despite all the sameness they aren't one. That despite what society depicts him to be, evil and harmful to others, he isn't this mirror image projected onto him. He isn't what was shown on those televisions, or in a wider sense, the media. He isn't what is hunted down by the SWAT team, or in a wider sense, institutions in power. Dean's self IS good. Dean's self IS caring and loving, despite his fear to pursue his own dreams and be free, and it's not coming through his actions of suppressing those desires, but because he ultimately is neither those 'normal' people nor the shapeshifter, but his own truth. So yeah, while I think this episode definitely walks a dangerous path by having Dean continue to live this old life in the end, the cinematography in this episode also functions to reveal how - while horror is a love letter to the monstrous, represents counter-narratives and helps to deconstruct normativity (like in this episode!) - the monstrous is often instrumentalized to suppress and oppress and depict victims as an inherent danger to the established systems of oppression. Dean's true self isn't bad. People are just made to believe that it is.