#I also want the book of bill sigh.... time to save up | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

velvethopewrites · 1 year ago

Text

The sob story with this is that I wrote this yesterday and it got deleted before I could save it. I wanted to die cry, basically. Somehow I managed to re-create most of it, after working on it all damn day. (I basically ended up writing over 6,000+ words in one day. Yowza) I still feel as though the first version was better, but…no one knows that but me, I suppose. (And my partner, who got to read it right before the horrors happened). Regardless, I am proud of this and proud of myself for not giving up when it really would have been easy to. So huzzah to the fickle hand of fate and all that stuff.

For Suptober 2023 prompt “starlight”

I tag @fellshish and @canonblastedships and @clarkenting for being super cool reblog buddies, lol (which is just a thing I made up) This is the longest destiel fic I’ve written yet and it will be my first official AO3 destiel! (As soon as I remember how to do that, oy)

Edited: Now with Spiffy AO3 Link! Here!

The Starlight

There were three types of people that visited the Starlight Lounge — drunks, people desperate to score, and the employees that made their bread and butter trying to tame the other two.

Dean Winchester, unfortunately, was a member of that third group. Oh, sure, Dean had been known to put away a fair bunch of liquor in his day, and sure, Dean had definitely been known to do the Bedroom Rodeo whenever the opportunity presented itself. Hell, back when he’d first started at the Starlight he’d often been three types at once. Work, drink, get laid. Sometimes, not even in that order.

But that was past Dean. Current and newly mature Dean (hah) just wanted to work, go home, eat and fall into his bed. Working at the Starlight wasn’t that bad – it had fairly decent pay and it was often interesting. And like everyone else, Dean had bills to pay and he gave more than his fair share to Sammy. Not that Sam really needed it anymore; he was busy working as a law clerk downtown, putting himself through school. But still, Dean wanted to help as much as he could and besides it was his brotherly duty. Heh. Duty.

Tonight, due to the cold and rainy weather, the bar was fairly empty and business had been slow. There was only one of his regulars, a writer by the name of Chuck crying into his notebooks at the back of the bar. To be honest, Dean had never seen Chuck write a damn thing but the man sure could put scotch away like a pro. There was also a young couple making out in one of the booths near the restrooms. He’d been keeping an eye on them most of the night, actually, making sure no one lost any clothing. The Starlight didn’t need a public indecency charge on the books. At least, not so soon since the last one, at any rate.

Dean yawned and finished cleaning up the bar, hoping Chuck and the couple on their way to Soft-Porn Town would soon be leaving. Maybe Dean could even push them on their way a bit early, so he could get home at a decent time, for once. As he walked over towards Chuck to perhaps lightly suggest the writer hit the road, the double doors of the bar blew open – bringing in the rain, the cold rush of the wind and a new customer in a beige trench coat with seriously fucked up hair. Great.

Dean sighed and turned back around as the new guy slumped onto the first stool at the bar. His dark brown, messed up hair looked even worse up close, and he had a scowl on his face as he glared down at the bar in front of him.

“Whiskey. Neat,” Messy-Hair said, voice low and very rumbly.

Dean pulled down a clean glass and poured some of their nicer whiskey into it. Dude looks like he could afford it, at any rate. He had a nice suit on under the coat, now that Dean could properly see it and his watch was one of those big clunky things that could probably tell the time on Jupiter or some shit like that. The man’s hand reaches for the glass before Dean has barely pushed it forward. He throws back the drink in record time and hits the bar with it so that it makes a loud thunk.

“Another one.”

Dean shrugged as the man kept glaring down at the bar as though it contained all the answers to life and everything else; Dean knew for a fact that it didn’t. It didn’t even have a ‘42’ scratched into it or anything. (RIP Douglas Adams)

This time the man just wraps his hand around the glass, his fingers clutching at it and woah, Dean thinks, dude’s got some huge fucking hands. They’re big and they’re strong looking. The fingers are nice and long and graceful and oh, oh, oh. Maybe it’s a kink, or maybe it’s a preference, but Dean loves hands. Manly looking mitts like Messy-Hair here and even smaller, more delicate hands like on most women, with pretty nail colors. But Dean’s not choosy.

He sees motion out of the corner of his eye and notices Chuck signaling that he’d like to pay up. Glancing at Messy-Hair he figures he has a few minutes before having to pour him another so he sets the bottle down and heads over to the other side.

“All right there, Chuck?”

“Yeah, yeah, thank you, Dean.”

The older man is flipping through his wallet and counting out his cash slowly. Dean wipes the bar and puts Chuck’s last glass into the bucket for later cleaning.

“Write anything tonight?” Dean always asks this question. It’s like a little game he and Chuck play because it always has the same answer.

“No,” Chuck says looking up at him. He places his finger to his temple solemnly, almost like he’s holding a gun. “But I did a lot of work up here.”

He always gives Dean this look as though Dean should know exactly what he’s talking about. But, of course, Dean never does. He likes to read but he sure as hell would never attempt to write. Personally, he thinks Chuck is sort of crazy, but hey, to each their own, right?

Chuck pushes his notebooks into his old canvas bag on the bar. It’s bulging with everything he carries with him and looks fit to burst. Dean supposes that writer’s block is heavy business.

Chucks nods goodnight as he slips his bag over his shoulders, buckling a bit under the weight. Dean watches as he wobbles away and he’s not sure if it’s from the alcohol or the bag. He’d normally be worried (hey, no bar can stay in business if all its clientele got themselves killed), but he knows Chuck lives nearby. He’ll be all right and probably in his same spot tomorrow evening. He puts Chuck’s money into the till and realizes he tipped Dean more than usual. He really did have had a good night, then.

He notices the couple trying to break the world record for smooches in a single night are getting up and putting on their jackets. Maybe Dean can get out early; he’s got the DVR set for Dr Sexy already, but he wouldn’t say no to catching it live for once.

Glancing over he sees Messy-Hair is now resting his head on the bar, but he lifts it as the doors bang shut behind Chuck, the cold burst of wind making his hair looking even more disheveled. Dean heads back over to see if he needs a refill and is suddenly struck dumb by the other man finally looking at him. Holy Mother of Blue, those are some eyes. The dude is handsome. Like old-time movie handsome. Strong jaw, with a smattering of scruff, pink soft lips and eyes that look like they can see into your soul, no, scratch that, not see, but pierce. Dean swallows roughly and picks up the whiskey bottle.

“Hey, uh, it’s getting late. One more for the road?” Dean assumes the dude doesn’t know the Starlight is technically open until midnight. Assumes, hah. More like prays.

Blue-Eyes stares at him and frowns. “I thought this establishment closed at midnight.”

“Er, yeah. I suppose it does.”

“Then I’ll take another,” Blue-Eyes pauses and holds out his glass. “And keep them coming for the next forty-five minutes, barkeep.”

Dean blinks at the old-fashioned word and pours another round. They stare at each other until he hears a giggle and a clearing of a throat. He looks over to see the couple and wonders how long they’ve been waiting. Judging from the churlish look on the guy’s face and the barely contained laughter emanating from the girl, it’s been awhile. He settles their tab and takes their money (lousy tip, of course) as the two saunter past Blue-Eyes and escape out into the night. Well, at least Dean can see it’s stopped raining.

Making up his mind, he follows them from behind the bar and locks the door after them. He flips off the sign, too. He may be stuck here with Blue-Eyes, but he’ll be damned if he’ll let someone else come meandering in to make him get home even later.

He comes back to stand in front of his customer and makes a decision. Pulling down another glass, he pours some of the whiskey into it and sighs as the warmth of it hits his system. What do they always say about good whiskey? It should warm the cockles of the heart, or something like that. Not that Dean actually knows what a cockle is, but hey, it went down smooth.

He realizes Blue-Eyes is watching him and Dean decides to bite the bullet. He’s tired, bored and probably on his way to cranky town if Blue-Eyes keeps his word about the next forty-five minutes.

“So, what brings you out on a cold and rainy night like tonight, Mr, uh…what’s your name? I can’t keep calling you what I’ve been calling you in my head.”

The other man squints and tilts his head at Dean like a tiny, confused bird. And no, Dean doesn’t find that adorable at all. Nope.

“What have you been calling me in your head?”

Dean purses his lips. Sometimes he’s really an idiot. He gives Blue-Eyes a shaky laugh.

“I said I wasn’t gonna keeping doing that.”

They stare at each other again, neither one budging until Blue-Eyes releases a breath and blinks, shoulders slumping a bit more. By the end of the night Dean expects this guy to be melted into the floor.

“Cas.”

Dean frowns. “Your name is Mr Cas?”

“No, just Cas.” Blue-Eyes, no, scratch that, Cas then holds out his hand so Dean can shake it like they’re fellow professionals meeting at a party or something. As he grips the other man’s hand in his own he realizes Cas’s hand is warm, dry, and, yep, strong. The dude is seriously ticking all of Dean’s boxes without even trying. It’s a bit unnerving, really.

“Is that short for something?” Dean asks, wondering what type of name that is.

Cas just looks at him over the rim of his glass. “Perhaps.”

Neither of them say anything else for a long moment and Dean shakes his head. “People ever tell you you talk too much?”

“Yes. All the time,” Cas says with a smirk.

Dean laughs. “Well, whatever. It’s officially nice to meet you, Cas. I’m Dean. Humble and professional barkeep at your service.”

“Hello, Dean.”

Cas’s voice is deep but there’s a warmth to it that makes Dean happy. They chit-chat for a bit, just like Dean would do with any newbie to the bar. He pours them both another round and then tries his question again.

“So, you seemed a bit upset earlier. What brought you through my doors, Cas?”

Cas sighs and glances away. He taps his fingers lightly on the polished wood of the bar. He stares at Dean as though assessing him and then looks as though he’s made up his mind.

“My…er, the person I’ve been dating, dumped me tonight. We went to an expensive restaurant and ordered far too pricey food for the serving size and drank outrageously fancy wine. Then they ordered an expensive bottle of cognac, drank it all and then told me I wasn’t worth it.”

Dean winces. “Ouch. How long were you together?”

“Six months.”

“Well, it’s not too long for a relationship, but it’s long enough to hurt.”

Cas nods, looking sullen again.

“What special occasion was it?”

Cas stares at him. “How could you possibly know that?”

“Fancy restaurant, the way you’re dressed, the cognac. Nobody orders that unless there’s been a birth or an anniversary or both.”

“It was my birthday,” Cas says, looking down again.

“Fuck,” Dean blurts out without thinking. “And they dumped you? Seriously bad juju, man.”

Cas nods and takes another drink of his whiskey, looking miserable. Dean tops off both of their glasses and hums.

“What was his name?”

Cas whips his head up, suddenly looking confused and more than a little worried. “I never said it was a he.”

“It was your distinct lack of pronouns, dude. Always the dead giveaway. Trust me, as a guy who plays for both sides, I know. Pronouns are key. Hey, relax, Cas, this is a safe space.” Dean points to the small pride flag he keeps above the bar and watches as Cas visibly relaxes.

The silence that falls between them is comfortable now. Welcoming, even. Cas clears his throat and rests his hand on his chin, peering at Dean.

“So…you’re bi, I assume or, pan, perhaps?”

“Got it in one. Just another bisexual loser ruining the world one lay at a time.”

Dean winks to show he’s only kidding. He’s proud to be bi, but it doesn’t mean he can’t make a joke at his own expense. Of course, if Sam or his friend Charlie were here they’d both tell him what they thought of that.

“His name was Bartholomew.”

Dean snorts. “It fits him. Douche-y name for a douche-canoe.”

Cas barks out a laugh and it completely changes his face into something truly beautiful. Dean suddenly feels the need to always make Cas laugh like that. He can’t imagine anyone not wanting to – his laugh is infectious. And the light it puts in his eyes is irresistible.

Cas looks serious again as he swirls the rest of the whiskey in his glass. “To be honest, Bart was just the last in a long line of failed…connections. I’m doubting my own self-worth at this point. Everyone ends up leaving or they get fed up with me. I’m too introverted…too socially awkward to deal with, I suppose.”

“I don’t know, you seem to be doing okay right now.”

“I’ve been drinking,” Cas says, deadpan. “And also I’m paying you.”

Dean chuckles. “Not really, I decided to stop charging you as soon as I poured my first one.”

“Your hospitality know no bounds. Truly.”

Dean laughs. Cas’s dry delivery and poker-faced expressions really are the limit. He feels that familiar warmth he always gets when he meets someone new. A someone new that excites him. But he pushes the feeling aside because he knows on some level that trying to get into Cas’s pants is so not what the other man needs right now. Dean shivers as he realizes how damn mature that sounds. Next he’ll be looking into 401ks and cemetery plots.

“Well, consider them birthday drinks. Of course, this stuff doesn’t cost a small fortune or anything, but I figured you’d already paid out enough tonight.”

Cas smirks and shakes his head at Dean. “Thank you, Dean. It’s actually very kind of you to…take pity on me.”

He says it jokingly but Dean gets the sense that he means it. He reaches forward and touches Cas’s hand.

“Hey, no pity here. You are ridiculously attractive and if I didn’t have a conscience, I’d definitely be throwing out my best lines here to help you relieve some tension, if you know what I mean. And you are not awkward to me, but even if you were, it wouldn’t be enough to stop me from asking for your number or seeing if you wanted to meet up sometime. I barely know you but you seem like a decent guy, Cas. And I think all of those people that don’t get you can just fuck right off. You need to keep trying, man. Don’t give up just because a few losers couldn’t see what they had.”

Cas blinks at Dean, blue eyes getting huge. “You think I’m ridiculously attractive?”

Dean thinks back. Did he say that? Yeah, he said that. Figures that would be the only thing to register with the dude.

“What sort of line would you use on me? I mean, if you were going to, that is.” Cas shyly glances away and then back, a curious look on his face.

“Oh, uh, probably something like, well you know what they say — the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.” Dean waggles his eyebrows and smirks, faking a leer.

“I’m not sure that would work with me,” Cas says, mirth clear in his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah. You’d make me work for it, I know. But seriously, you need to regroup, clear out the douche-canoes from your life and find a new guy, man.”

Cas smiles at him in fondness, and nope, Dean is not going to do it. He will not break his rule about dating people just out of relationships. Not even for big huge blue eyes that make him feel sappy like a love song. Cas, however, clearly has other plans.

“This may be forward but, um, Dean would you allow me take you out for dinner? As a date, in case you were wondering how I meant it.”

“Oh, wow, Cas, um, I mean…”

Cas’s face takes an interesting journey in two seconds – from hopeful joy to miserable and wretched. Dean feels his heart break a little bit for him in that moment and mentally kicks his own ass for being a tool.

“Oh, I see. I…I’m sorry, Dean. Thank you for hospitality.” Cas fumbles with his wallet and places far too much money next to his glass. “I won’t keep you anymore. Go home and enjoy whatever is left of your night.”

Dean watches dumbly as Cas sits up straighter and then turns in his seat, his broad shoulders unyielding, suddenly. Dean knows he just can’t let it end like this.

“No, wait, Cas!”

Dean practically flings himself around the bar to reach Cas before he can unlock the door and leave without a backwards glance. He rests his hand on Cas’s shoulder, stopping him.

“It’s only because I have a rule about dating people that just got out of a relationship. It has nothing to do with you, I promise you. You need to focus on you, dude. Figure out what you’re looking for. If this one was just the last in a long line of guys who don’t understand you, try and see what people you’re going for. I mean, I’m no expert, and God knows I’ve had my fair share of jumping before looking moments, but I think you just need some Cas time right now, you know? If we ever start something I do not want to be rebound guy and you deserve something better than a one night stand.”

Cas stares at him, blue eyes half in shadow. Dean holds his breath, hoping he didn’t just lose something. All he can hear is the clock ticking behind him and the pounding of his own heart in his ears.

“That was quite the speech,” Cas finally says. “You sound like you know from experience.”

“Cas, man. You have no idea.”

“I have some, like I said, a long line of rejections. Still…” Cas’s eyes search his face and then nods to himself. “Maybe you’re right. I do tend to do things without thinking in this area of life despite being very practical usually. And you’re also right on anther point, Dean. You do not deserve to be “rebound guy”.”

Dean can’t help his grin as Cas makes the quotes motion with his fingers. They stare at each other for a bit longer before he unlocks the door. Cas steps out as the cold air filters in between them, causing them bother to shiver. Dean pauses, and then holds out his hand. “Let me have your phone.”

“My phone?”

“Yeah, you have one, right? Or have you moved on to something flashier like sky writing?”

Cas snorts and shakes his head. He fumbles in his pockets and then pulls out a slim, black smartphone. He unlocks it and hands it over. Of course, it’d be that kind of phone that can help you bake bread or turn off all the lights in the world with just a click or something. He finally finds what he’s looking for and puts his contact information in.

“There. There’s my number. Text me to let me know you get home, okay? And as for the rest, we’ll take it one day at a time, Cas. Let’s be friends, first.”

Cas smiles shyly as he looks down at his phone and nods. “Friends, first. I like that. Goodnight, Dean.”

“Goodnight, buddy. Be safe.”

Cas slips out and away, leaving a coldness in his wake as he takes his body heat with him. Dean watches him go, the black of the night almost swallowing him up. Cas pauses to pull his coat tighter, the glow of the streetlight lighting up his profile. To Dean he looks pure—angelic, almost, like a painting or a sculpture. With one last look at Dean, he eventually fades away, disappearing back into the world. Soon all Dean can see is his own breath in the air and the twinkling starlight from the surprisingly clear sky above. He locks up again and finishes his routine for the night. After he’s put the money in the safe and headed out back to his car, he feels happy inside. Like something good just occurred — like some new path has been cleared for him to travel. His drive home is quick and easy, there’s hardly any traffic mostly due to the earlier rain. It’s just as he’s pulling into his driveway that he feels his phone buzz in his pocket. It’s from an unknown number and his heart beats faster as he reads the message.

From unknown: I arrived home safely, Dean. Thank you, again. Would you like to get coffee tomorrow, or, perhaps I should say, later today? Oh, this is Cas, by the way. In case you didn’t know. :)

Dean saves the number and then returns to the message to reply, a grin creeping onto his face before he even realizes it.

Dean: Of course, dude. Coffee sounds great. Around 1pm?

Cas: Perfect. Do you know the Blue Java Café on Marion and Elm? It’s across from the park and one of my favorite places.

Dean: Sounds good. Can’t wait to talk to you sober, ya lush�� (lol j/k hah)

Cas sends him a sticking-tongue-out emoji as a response and Dean chuckles as he locks up his car. He has a nice, happy feeling in his heart as he thinks of Cas. Like maybe this is something special. Or maybe it’s just that it could be and has the potential to be. He knows he told Cas friends first, but Dean’s willing to see where it…where they, can go.

#suptober23 #destiel #prompt:starlight #dean and cas #meet-cute #my writing #biting nails here #like posting stuff is scary #wth #I am not used this anymore #castiel #dean winchester

82 notes · View notes

munsonsreputation · 2 years ago

Note

Request 5: Blurb

Eddie and maybe the subject of moving in with his partner ?

hey anela!!! thank you for participating in my celebration...your kind words and this request always mean so much to me!!! 🎉💌✨ i hope you like what i came up with 💘💫

“Right here?” Eddie sought, holding the frame against the wall as you stood some feet away, tilting your head to ensure it was dead centered where you wanted it.

“Yeah? Yeah. That looks good, actually.” You nodded, pressing your finger against your chin as Eddie hooked it onto the nail, securing it in place as he stepped back, hands bracing on each side to catch the painting if it fell.

When he stood back to get his own glimpse of it, he smiled, reaching out to wrap his arm across your shoulder to pull you into him.

“It looks sick.” Eddie expressed, and you hummed in agreement, making sure to thank Will Byers with some homemade cookies for commissioning the piece you and Eddie wanted to hang in the living room.

The space wasn’t too big, but it definitely was an upgrade from the trailer. It was finally a space that you and Eddie owned, giving the two of your free rein to decorate however you wanted while including each others input. Thankfully, the two of you were pretty much in agreement with everything you wanted for the space.

He had put out his record player in the living room, displaying it in the TV console along with your combined collections of vinyls that you both loved. You wanted the space to feel earthy, picking up some fresh plants from the farmers’ market to decorate empty window sills and negative space where no furniture sat on the floor. Eddie had picked out some of his favorite posters that were yet to be destroyed, and hung them up on the walls, perfectly completing the space.

The same was done in your shared bedroom.

His guitar was sitting nicely on a stand this time, as opposed to being hung on a mirror, though it was a pretty sick option for his teenage years. You had your very own bookshelf with your growing collection of literature, even going ahead and placing all of Eddie’s book in their own compartment as well.

he two of you had collectively worked together to pick the bedding—a simple, subtle floral that Eddie could tolerate. And of course with extra blankets and pillows because you were notorious for hogging them in the middle of the night…not that he minded, anyway.

“I can’t believe this place is ours.” You sighed, grazing his arm with your lips and taking a slow look around the newly furnished place.

He hummed, returning the kiss to the top of your head, “We worked hard for it, baby.”

“We sure did—I’ll miss Wayne though.”

Eddie chuckled faintly, nodding his head in agreement because uncle Wayne was the closet thing he had to a father. Always looking out for him and being the sole provider before Eddie was old enough to get a job to help pay the bills and give some spare cash for groceries. Wayne also loved you the second Eddie had introduced you to him. It took a lot of Eddie to open up because of the trauma he faced in his childhood, but you got him to crack open that shell and be a little more vulnerable.

It not only caused a beautiful relationship for you and Eddie, but Eddie was able to get closer with Wayne. Asking for more advice about the real world, which is exactly how you two ended up in your own apartment. Wayne knew you two were growing up and wanting a space of your own, even the two of you getting better at saving money to afford a place, and so Wayne knew when he saw the ad in the newspaper it was the perfect place for the two of you.

“I’m sure he’ll come to visit, maybe stay over for a night once we get the guest bedroom finished.” Eddie suggested as you smiled to yourself, thinking about Wayne and all your friends crashing at your place for once.

“There’s still so much to do.” You continued, realizing that there was barely any furniture in the guest bedroom and the kitchen was severely lacking more than two of each type of dish and utensil.

Your boyfriend laughed, poking your side, causing you to turn around and meet his bemused face, “Don’t panic…this place is already home because you’re here.”

You snorted, rolling your eyes playfully, “When did you get so corny?”

He scrunched his nose, placing his hands under your arms and hoisting you up with ease while you squealed, “Put me down, Eds!”

“Admit I’m not corny!” He exclaimed, spinning you around as you continued your train of giggles and happy screams as he did the same.

“Fine!” you yelped, pinching his back as you felt him spin faster by some weird way, “You’re not corny!”

He grunted in satisfaction, slowing down his feet as he put you down gently, keeping his hands on your shoulder until your vision stopped spinning. Once he saw you come back, he kissed your cheek with a smirk glued on his face while you proceeded to pout.

“Thanks, sugar.”

You lightly slapped his chest with no force or malice, “You could’ve made me throw up on our floors…first cleanup since moving in!”

“It’d be an honor to clean up your vomit in our home.” He argued, pleased with his response as you laughed, throwing your head back at his comical words of what is supposed to be endearment.

Instead of pretending to gag at the thought of him mopping up your hurl, you threw your arms over his neck, tiptoeing to be face to face with him.

“You’re my home too, Eddie Munson.”

His teeth flashed at you with his full smile, resting his hands on your hips as he squeezed, “What d’you say we go make love in our bedroom?”

You blushed ferociously like he hadn’t asked you a million times before, but this time, it was special. In your place that you two owned, where there were no restrictions, no worries of waking someone, and a sanctuary for you and Eddie.

“Sounds like a plan…this time we can be as loud as we want.”

Eddie smirked, lightly patting your bum, signaling you to jump up and wrap your legs around his waist as he started his way towards the bedroom.

“Let’s hope our neighbors aren’t home.” He countered before kissing your lips lovingly.

His feet kicked the door shut, and he laid you in the center of the bed, licking his lips and you bit your lip before speaking once more,

“Oh, they’re definitely gonna hate us.”

#MunsonsReputation #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson #eddie munson imagine #eddie stranger things #munsonsrep(ly)#eddie munson imagines #eddie munson x you #eddie munson x reader #eddie fluff #eddie x reader #eddie munson stranger things #stranger things #stranger things fluff #stranger things imagine #eddie munson boyfriend #MunsonsReputation200Celebration #200celebration

226 notes · View notes

doug-meat · 1 year ago

Text

parts of the npmd soundtrack that scratch my brain perfectly (act 2)

again its all under the cut. i hope this is comprehensible its longer than the last one. idk what else to say

HATCHET TOWN

dan's whole bit at the start. just the way he says everything. so good

the ahh ahh ahhs

the electric guitar <3

curt's voice for bailey esp the growl

A LOSIN STREAKS COMIN!

the smoooothness of corey's voice and the way he sings things auuauauuau

IF HE GETS ME NEXT I COULD BE THREE!

the harmonies on man down down down down

the little plinky organ melody in the backround that comes in halfway through the chorus UAUUAUAUA

the way jon says donna

donna's "DAN!!!"

i certainly dont LOVE killing!

the harmonies on "bailey's/barry's on the loose and he's got a gun" (im talking mainly abt the soundtrack and not the proshot so bailey is more applicable here but both r so good)

I'M A COP!

fits the bill! it fits the bill!

THE HARMONIES ON THE SECOND MAN DOWN DOWN DOWN DOWN UAUUAUAUAU

the who's swingin the hatchet now harmonies

HATCHET TOOOOOWN

I AM THE MAYOR!!!!

HOW DARE YOU!!!

bryce's solo <3 all of it is so good

BOY JERRY <3 and gerald monroe ig but i love jerry

LET'S KILL 'IM!

CAN I SHIT OR WILL I DROWN

kim's little opera bit

the final in hatchet town harmony <3

JUST FOR ONCE

this whole song in general btw. i love ruth fleming so so so so so so so so so much this song was such a silly contemperary theatre tribute

NO, i haven't seen your grill brush, MAURY. huh YEAH! i used it to BRUSH MY HAIR this morning CANT YOU TELL. ugh

DONT LEAVE ME OUT HERE WITH THE MEAT, MAURY! medium WHA? how can something be medium AND WELL, MAURY?

ugh. maury.

*sigh* i turned 40 today.

the piano coming in

the synthy strum

the way lauren sings the word saturday. her voice throughout this whole song just scratches the brain itch so well

the way she says window, right, dream, and had

they never win

and LIIIIIFE is FULLL of all of the Trappings of The Well to Dew

god i love ruth. i love this song i love this song.

the slight tonal shift (thats not the right word ugh) for the choruses.

39 I LOSE MY HAIR UNDER CAREFUL CHEMO TREATMENT

the way lauren says ensnared

JUDGE ME.

IT FUCKING WORKED I'M FUCKING HERE HE'S FUCKING HER IM DISAPPOINTED

and of the two who's the worse for wear (ME.)

the tambourine

idk what that instrument is in the bg of second chorus it sounds like a saxaphone but also synthy???? idk but i love it

SHOULD I FLIP THE BURGERS NOWWW!

the clarity of lauren's first oh UAUAUA

SHOULD I LET THE YEARS COOOK MY BODY DOWN IN FRONT OF HIM

all 3 just for onces esp the last one with the riff

THE WAY THAT BEHIND THE JUST FOR ONCES YOU CAN HEAR THE "if i can finally be cool i will know that i'm not a loser" MOTIF AUUAUAISUAUUAISIAU

the way the tone calms back down but its still like so vulnerable... uuuuuauu

the way she says every word in this last verse

i used to dance :(

IF I LOVED YOU

THE SYNTH

I NEVER WANTED YEW ANYWAY!

joey's general tone in this UAUAU so good

mariah's deeper voice HEART EYES AUUUU

i just love lautski this song is so good i can barely pick things out bc this whole song scratches my brain

joey's lil growl on "oh babe i'd let u know"

OOOO! i guess we'd better save the date!

need a lover MAYUN

i love when jeff blim crams a lot of syllables into an amount of time like that its so fun

the harmonies <3

wake me up when u turn 18!!!

if i IF I!!!!!

the repeating round style of singing in order to come together eventually I lov them

dissonance <3

THE SUMMONING

the way the lords names are sung i love it sm

the lords names being whispered in the background

tNOY karaxis

WIGGOG WIGGOG Y'WRATH

the woah ohs and the drums kicking in

the music cutting out

HELLO FWENDY WENDS

the we will build a portal motif

the laughter

just the whole little lord verses its so discordant and fun and i love it so much i love the voices they put on i love the lyrics

LA LA LA LA LA ALALALALALA

the book has all but closed on ur life!

THE LORDS IN BLACK ARE THE LORDS IN BLACK ARE

blinky's we've been watching u gracie

the way curt says spankoffski and toy box

GOOOO NIGHTHAWKS!

tinky's laugh

jon's wiggly voice

WHY HELP U WITH THE JAGERMAN WHEN WE CAN HELP THE WORLD

the drums

swallow his soul i wanna lick it!

i wanna see thaaaat

WHATEVER WE WANT WE WANT WE WANT WHATEVER WE WANT WE GET

AAAAUHGUGH there IS something!

something FUN!!!

the lords in black the lords in black call us...

what do u want steph...

do it... or DIE

WE DONT GIVE A SHIT ABT UR PHONE!

AHHHHHHUHGHHH THERE HE IS

what's in your pocket STEPH-A-KNEE

STEPHANIE HAS GOT A GUN TRALALALA HOW FUN! STEPHANIE HAS GOT A GUN SHE KNOWS WHAT MUST BE DONE

i love this whole song its so silly and crazy

YUM YUM!

or FUCK OFF

that last "the lords in black the lords in black call us"

COOL AS I THINK I AM REPRISE

this one makes me really sad :( still so good

one of us is in love :(((((((((

it doesnt TAKE a detective

the violins coming in again

is it really a crime if you get to live your life to the fullest :((((

YOU GET TO LIVE ON :(((((

the i love u i know :(((((((

ur not as cool as u think u are! :(

THE HARMONIES :(

IF I CAN FINALLY BE COOL :((((

i will know that you have to do it :(((

joey's lower register for this last little if i loved u chorus :(((

loved u more than the stars above :(((((( (how many sad faces can i use)

the pause before could've :((((

i cant even say anything more abt this one it makes me too sad

ok yes i can the i never wanted you anyway breaks my heart

BEST OF YOU

the guitar

the needy beast esque pronounciation of words idk how else to say it i just love it

LIKE EYE DEW

we hurted!

the harmonies on town and down

IM THE BEST OF YEW!

this song is just so fun

it's like you knew me b4 u knew me! that whole bit! i love it!

THE AHS IN THE BACK OF THE SECOND BIT OF THE SECOND VERSE

ABSCONDED BELOVED

FOREVER!

WE'RE GONNA RUN AROUND 2NITE!

I BELIEVE IN YEWWWW

never gonna fall!

the echoey verse in the back at the end Auuu so good

the ending note harmony

DIRTY DUDES MUST DIE

the souls of the pervs make me strong

her laugh

I LOVE ANGELA'S VOICE

everything she sings here sounds so incredible

ARE U HARD BC UR STRESSED

what????

i just love this reprise its so so good

i cant point out specific parts bc its just all incredible

OF THE NERDS U MINIMIIIIIIIZED!!!! her RIFF!

THE LAUGH

when the ensemble comes in heart eyes

WHO WILL PRAY 4 U WHEN UR BODY'S GONE THIS IS THE CONSEQUENCE FOR WHAT YOUVE DOOOOONE

DARKNESS WILL SPARE MY SOUL

run pervs RUN

#npmd spoilers #hatchetfield #npmd #nerdy prudes must die #music #starkid #rambles

31 notes · View notes

yourlastbraincell-kiwi · 6 months ago

Text

A/N: This a Bill and Ted story I wrote a couple years ago. I changed up some of the words and everything, and thought it would be good to post it. Enjoy!

The story starts off in the third-person, but switches to the readers pov for the rest!

This also has mention of the events of 2020/2021, if that is something you don’t wish to read about please skip over this one.

Pairing: Ted “Theodore” Logan x Black!Fem!Reader

——————🫶🏽——————

"Ooo, what about here?" Ted picked up the book that said Circuits Of Time and went to the very back of the book and read a number, and pushed the buttons on the dial.

"Ooh, nope. Nope," Rufus said, moving Ted away from the buttons. "Do not. And I repeat, do not push those buttons." Rufus said hanging up the phone.

"But I just wanted to go to the year 2020, we've never heard of it before." Ted said.

"Yeah, why can't we go there?" Bill asked.

"It's best, if you don't know, what happened in that year." Rufus said putting the book down.

Ted looked at him, confused before smiling and taking the book back into his hands. "What about this one?" Ted said reaching for the buttons, that was supposed to take them to 2021. "I’m sorry, did you not hear what I said?”

"I did, but I don’t remember what you said.” Ted responded and Rufus sighed and put his hand on his head. “So… Can I press it?" Ted said reaching for the last button, with Bill looking over Ted's shoulder as equally intrigued as him.

"Of course not! You're here to learn about subjects, that do with your history report." The both of them looked at Rufus trying to make puppy dog eyes, trying to convince him.

"Look, I don't know what those faces were, but they were not convincing. Now let's go to-"

"Come on, please Rufus!"

"Yeah, come on!" The both of them begged and pleaded.

"Fine! But do NOT, mess up that timeline." They both did an air guitar and Rufus pushed the last button and they began to travel to the year 2021.

—————

"Hey, have you seen my phone? I've been looking since yesterday." I said asking my friend, Tiffany, as she painted her toe nails.

"No, maybe you left it at that dudes house." She said with a smirk.

"Oh, please. I distinctly remember, putting it in my- Oh! Here it is!" I said with a sigh of relief, one because I didn't have to go to school without it, and two, having to call 'him' up, to see if he had it.

"Saved by the bell this time, I guess." She said blowing on her toe nails, to dry them faster.

"Most definitely." I said grabbing my stuff, before walking outside. And then something that looked like an off-brand TARDIS, popped up in front of me. I was going to scream, until three guys walked out. One older than the other two, and the two looked real young.

"Woah.." Said the both of the younger ones. "This is totally bodacious." Said the shorter one.

"Hey, do you know when the Mongols ruled China?"

"1297? I'm pretty sure."

"Woah… Thanks, dude!"

"Wait, what was that, that just happened?" I asked as the older guy, named Rufus, explained to me everything. I was still trying to wrap my head around this, but I just went along with it.

"So what are you guys doing here then?"

"They wanted to know what 2021, was like."

"Hey, can you tell us what happened in 2020?" One of them had asked and I avoided, both the of their eyes. "Or not?" Ted said.

"I apologize on their behalf, what's your name?" Asked Rufus.

"(Y/N)." I replied plainly, still trying to process all of this.

"Nice to meet you, as you already know, I'm Rufus, and this is Bill," He said pointing to the shorter guy. "And this is Ted." He finished motioning towards the taller guy.

"Hi!" They said in-sync.

"Hi." I said admiring Ted, and his facial features.

"(Y/N)! Your forgot your...who are they?" Tiffany said trailing off as she handed me something.

"Bill, Ted. This is my roommate and best friend Tiffany. Tiffany, this is Bill and Ted, and that's Rufus, over there." I pointed and introduced them, as she admired Bill.

"Look, I'd really like to stay and chat, but I've gotta- SHIT! I'm late!" I said rushing to get into my car. "Tiff!" She didn't respond, still ogling Bill.

"TIFF!"

"Huh?" She said turning towards me.

"Keep them here! I'll be back in a couple hours! Bye!" I said driving off to class.

—————

"Now, that we've established what is happening, the question is WHY, it's happening now can anyone-" I barged into the room, disrupting the lecture.

"Look, who it is." I heard one of the girls, in the mid-row say. I rolled my eyes and quietly walked past.

"Miss. (Y/L/N). See me after class." I sighed nodding and walked over to my preferred seat in the back, as the lecture continued.

A couple minutes into the lecture, I took out my phone out of pure boredom. Making sure it was on silent and the brightness was down.

"Miss. (Y/L/N)!" I looked up immediately, and people started to laugh. "Can you answer the question for us, please?"

I looked around as someone tried to mouth the answer to me, I looked at them like 'I can't understand you.'

"Miss. (Y/L/N). Do you have an answer?"

"No, sir." I said looking down.

"Well then maybe you should start paying attention to the lesson, and not your phone, if you will." I nod. "This is college, not high school." I nod, putting my phone away and he resumed the lesson.

————

Ding!

I looked towards the direction of my phone and tried to cover it up, but there it is again.

Ding! Ding!

Practically everyone was looking at me now. And I knew my teacher was on his last straw. I took it out and tried to see why it was dinging and my eyes widened.

'It's not on vibrate. I switched it off of vibrate..' I mentally wanted to slap my self across the face, as my teacher gave me the look he's given previous students in the past for disrupting his class.

He didn't even have to say a word and I just got up and gave him my phone. No words needed. This caused some of the girls laughed and pointed at me. As I sat down, someone barged into the room, that person being Ted.

'Ted?! What on earth?'

I packed my things and grabbing my stuff and running towards him. "Where are you going, class hasn't been dismissed yet?!"

"Sorry, but I gotta go!" I exclaimed grabbing my phone from his desk, on the way out.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well, Bill and Riff-"

"Tiff."

"-her. They’re doing they're own thing and Rufus left, so I thought I'd look for you." He said, scratching the side of his head. I smiled and walked over to my car.

"Well, that was nice of you to do. And I needed the break from school anyway." I said putting my stuff in the the car, before getting in. Ted just stood there, not knowing what to do. "Come on!" I said, and he instantly had that wide grin on his face and got in.

I started to drive off. "Where are we going?" He said, and I felt my smile grow wide. "I'm going to take you to best places, in the city!"

"Excellent!" He exclaimed, doing an air guitar, and I drove off.

#x reader #wattpad #fluff #black!reader #black!fem!reader #black!writer #fluffed up #all inclusive #cute imagine #bill and ted's excellent adventure x reader #ted theodore logan #ted logan x reader #ted logan

13 notes · View notes

anonymousboxcar · 1 year ago

Text

TTTE Headcanon: Edward the Audiobook Narrator (+ Bill, Ben, and BoCo)

From what I’ve seen of Edward, it seems like he’s fond of telling stories, both about the island’s history and about stuff he’s made up. As a result, I like to think that not only the Thin Clergyman turns to him as a resource for his books.

One company wants to publish an audiobook collection of stories that originated on/surround Sodor’s railways. It’s a deal that’s arranged with the Fat Controller and the NWR board of directors, giving the NWR hefty royalties so long as it gives them exclusive rights to consult their employees — including the engines.

Edward soon becomes one of the most popular engines to consult. Aside from his sheer repertoire of stories, it’s clear he has a knack for narration and voice work. He’s also very happy to share his tales with new audiences.

There’s only one issue. Or rather, two issues disguising themselves as one underneath a shiny, obnoxious yellow trench coat.

Bill and Ben take a great deal of joy in interrupting Edward’s first recording session. They whistle at inopportune moments, commentate on story events like newscasters, and wind up the person holding the tape recorder until they blow their stack.

Edward tells them off each time. When a stern “knock it off” doesn’t work, he says that they’re wasting tapes every time they make a racket, which means more money and time down the drain.

Bill blinks. “You really care about this, don’t you?”

“You know how I like my stories. And some of them were told to me by engines that aren’t with us anymore, nor their railways. I’d like to make sure they live on in that way.”

“Oh.” Ben winces. “Sorry.”

Edward sighs, but smiles. “It’s alright. Just try to be quiet next time, please.”

That’s when a second issue emerges: Bill and Ben find it very difficult to stay quiet. They’re hyperaware of every little sound they make in the next recording attempt. They start to whisper to each other about the sounds, trying to alert each other, only for it to escalate into a furious shouting match.

While the person from the company steps out to take an aspirin, Bill flushes. “We really tried, Edward.”

“I tried. I don’t know what you were doing.”

“You—”

“I think,” Edward says, his brow furrowed, “something else might suit all of us much better.”

When they pick up again, Edward narrates like before. But this time, Bill and Ben supply sound effects. They rattle back and forth over their tracks. They whistle. They provide the raspy groans of ghosts, muttering nonsense words and cackling in equal measure.

Bill and Ben get very enthusiastic about it. Edward grins at each supplement from them. And the person from the company loves it, proclaiming at the end of the session that it lends a certain “charm and realism” to the recordings.

The company greenlights it for future recordings. As far as they’re concerned, it saves them the money and the time of editing in the sounds themselves.

With each new recording, Bill and Ben get better at it. They practice their sound effects in advance — first on their own, then in a “dress rehearsal” with Edward for an audience of BoCo. BoCo gives his feedback, helping to keep everything in line.

For example: “The screams are very atmospheric. But any louder, and the issue of my cab windows shattering might start up again.”

Sometimes BoCo also offers sound effects of his own, ones better suited to his diesel engine and different voice. His mimicry of the Fat Controller is eerily accurate, everyone agrees. It’s all he and Edward can do to keep Bill and Ben from using that for devious purposes.

Once they finish the recordings and the company edits them, the audiobook gets released on cassettes, CDs, etc. It’s a huge hit. Newspaper reviews reveal that Edward, Bill, Ben, and BoCo’s narrations are the favorites with the public and critics.

They all enjoy the experience so much that they continue to record narrations and sound effects for the company, all the way into the age of the Internet and streamed/downloadable audio. It’s fun and a bonding exercise of sorts for them!

#ttte #rws #ttte headcanon #my headcanons #ttte edward #ttte bill and ben #ttte boco #ttte bill #ttte ben #rws headcanon

36 notes · View notes

thatsallshewrot3 · 3 months ago

Text

Save Me From the Way I tried to Save You:

~An angst John B fanfic~

What if the Pogues were all living at the Chateau after John B gets out of jail? The Pogues are struggling to make ends meet and still have time to search for the cross. How will they get by? What will John B do to try to help the situation?

(This will be heavy so here’s the warning!)

Also I’d love to hear what you guys want to read! Tell me what you’d like to happen! Angst is more than welcome!

Chapter 1

John B POV:

So, it turns out supporting four teenagers and yourself is actually pretty difficult. I mean, hopefully, we won’t have to struggle too much longer, but apparently, it takes a while to find a lost treasure. Who knew, right?

We’re all crashing at the chateau most of the time, while we try to find out our next move. Ward just took the fall for Rafe, which made me a free man, but then he blew himself up. Sarah is pretty upset about it, which I get. I know he was still her dad and it’s difficult, but I mean the dude also tried to kill me. He made my life Hell, so that’s led to a few arguments between us. She spends most of the time with Kie, who is also pissed at me for arguing with Sarah. I tried to have empathy and be there for Sarah, but I guess my anger at Ward is too strong.

We all try to pull our weight around here. Kie and Pope spend most of their time at the Chateau, and JJ, Sarah, and I live here full time. Kie, Sarah, and Pope work shifts for the Heywards, delivering stuff around the island. JJ works odd-end jobs to bring in small stashes of cash, and I try to find work. Not many people are willing to hire someone who made national news, even if I was found innocent. They say I bring trouble wherever I go.

It’s not enough. JJ, Kie, Sarah, and Pope can’t work all the time if we’re going to find treasure. If they don’t work we can’t keep up with the bills or buy food. It’s a vicious cycle.

“Bills are in!” I announce as I make my way through the front door, slamming papers on the counter. All the Pogues are crowded around maps and books that are spread across the coffee table.

“What’s the damage this month?” Pope asks without looking up.

“Well there’s electricity, water, and taxes which are about $600, but we’ve also gotta fix a few things around here, so maybe another $150. Oh, and the Twinkie needs gas, so however much for that pus groceries,” I sigh sitting down on the couch with a beer.

Kie pulls a jar out of the pantry and starts counting out cash and coins. The coins are my sad little contribution. As I walk around the island looking for work, I collect anything I can find to add to the jar.

“I think we can barely scrape by,” Kie announces. “I mean, it’s gonna be tight. We might need to skip groceries next week, but at least we’ll have a roof. I can snag some food to get us by for a day or two when I work at my parent’s next week.”

“Is there anything else we can do? We can’t live like this every month,” I regret the words as soon as I say them. I know I could be doing more.

“You could get a job,” Sarah utters under her breath.

“Don’t you think I’m trying?” I snap.

“JB, she just means there’s gotta be someone that will hire you. Have you checked the mainland?” Pope is quick to stop any kind of argument.

“Yeah, I- I’ll check tomorrow,” I say, knowing I’ve already checked three times.

I stop listening when they start saying how good it would be if someone would hire me. I know I’m dragging them down. I know I’m a burden in my own home. I just don’t know how to be anything else I guess.

I rise from my seat, grabbing another beer from the fridge, before heading outside. I walk down the dock to where I can sit and let my feet brush the cold water. Why can’t I just fall deep within the ocean waves and let it take me away? It’d be better for my little Pogue family. I lean over to pull out a ziplock bag containing an old pack of cigarettes and a lighter. A lit cigarette finds its way between my lips, taking turns with the cold glass of the beer. I flinch when a hand finds my shoulder.

“I thought you were done with that stuff,” JJ looks disappointed as he sits down next to me on the dock.

“Yeah, just thought I shouldn’t waste ‘em.”

“You okay, Bee?”

“Just peachy,” I joke with a forced smile.

“You only smoke when things get bad up there,” He taps the side of my skull. “Look man, we know you’re trying. It’s just getting real hard to stay afloat and keep looking for the treasure-”

“I know Jay, I know. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everywhere.”

JJ slings an arm around me and pulls me close.

“It’s okay. We’re gonna figure it out, man. We’re a family,” He rises and starts to walk back inside. “Don’t let Kie get a whiff of that shit. She and Pope will go all parent mode if they know you’re smoking again. That stuff is gonna kill you.”

I nod along. I don’t really care anymore. JJ goes back inside, and I stay on the dock until I’ve burned through three cigarettes and the sun is almost gone. I slowly make my way back up to the front door. I look into the dimly lit home, adding a mental note to pick up new light bulbs. JJ, Kie, Pope, and Sarah are sat around the living room, laughing at something on the tv, while chatting like a perfect little family. I don’t want to interrupt them. They look stress free, and I’ll only ruin it.

I pull my phone out, sending a quick text to the group, as I make my way around the back of the house.

‘Going for a walk. Be back in a few hours- Don’t wait up. :) ’

I hop on an old bike we keep around in case we need it. I head into town with no real destination in mind. I keep wandering around for about an hour, before I find myself in a parking lot by the beach. I stand there for a while, listening to the waves in the dark, until a large truck turns into the parking lot. I step back towards the bike, ready to try to run if I need to, as the passenger window rolls down.

“Heard you’re short on cash. Maybe I can help. Hop in,” Rafe says from the driver seat. His drug dealer, Barry, is in the passenger seat, and some guy maybe a few years older than Rafe is in the backseat.

“Why would you help?”

“Guess you gotta hop in to find out,” He taunts. “I’ll give you $50 just for getting in.”

Rafe waves a handful of cash in the air, while Barry and the guy in the back snicker. This is a bad idea. I know that. I know if the Pogues were here they’d be screaming at me to run. But, they’re not here, and I’m desperate. I throw my bike into the truck bed, before silently climbing in the truck.

“Atta boy,” Rafe cheers, passing me $50 when the door clicks shut.

The car starts to roll forward, and something in my gut twists.

“Where are we going?” I hesitantly ask.

“Somewhere to talk, Johnny Boy,” Barry smiles.

We roll along for about fifteen minutes. I test the door, which makes the guy next to me laugh. The child lock is on. We pull up to a dark wooded area. The only light comes from the headlights.

“Alright,” Barry and Rafe turn around to look at me, as soon as the truck is in park. “We need a little errand boy to do whatever we want. I mean absolutely whatever we want. We won’t even ask you about the treasure, as long as you do everything we say,” Rafe explains.

“You get $400 a week plus a little bonus here or there,” Barry’s smile makes me want to run.

“Why me?” I ask. I hate that I’m even entertaining this idea. $400 a week would be plenty to keep us afloat. Then we’d be able to focus more on the treasure, and once we get the treasure I wouldn’t need this stupid situation anymore.

“You’re the perfect candidate. You need the money. I know you do. Sarah came by begging for a few hundred the other day. Plus, you know what they say, ‘keep your friends close and your enemies closer.’ It’d be perfect to keep my enemy under my thumb.”

I pretend to consider it for a minute. I already know my answer. Rafe already knows it, too.

“Fine. I’ll work for you, but the Pogues can’t know.”

“That makes it even better,” Rafe smiles. “Knowing this secret will be killing you, will make my life even better.”

Rafe pulls out a folded sheet of paper and a pen. I already know I’m about to sign my life away. It’s worth it if it means making life better for my family, though.

“This says you’re free to quit at any time. You have to follow everything we tell you. Every time you don't, that's $100 you have to bring to me. We can do whatever we want. I’ll text you any time of day or night and you have to respond. Got it?”

I skim through the words. It’s all there.

“Yes,” I sign my name on the dotted line.

*Smack*

Barry laughs as I cradle where he smacked my face. “You’ll start tomorrow, Bitch Boy. Be up and ready by six.”

The truck shifts back to drive, and we begin to trek towards the chateau. They drop me off about half a mile before the house. I go to hop on my bike and finish the journey home, when Rafe calls out the window.

“Hope you’re ready for a new career,” He laughs.

When I get home, everyone is already asleep. I light up a cigarette once I’m locked away in my room. What have I done?

#obx prompts #pope obx #obx pogues #kie obx #obx fanfiction #jj obx #john b hurt #john b routledge #john b fanfiction #hurt/comfort

0 notes

irastayshome · 1 year ago

Text

Change requires courage, but not changing doesn't signify the lack of it. There are reasons beyond what my own thoughts can rationalise as to why I can't bring myself to hire a maid.. or continue in this job.. or move in with my parents.. or finally admit I am now single and behave like it.

A book I've been trying to read - keyword 'trying' because my mind can't seem to focus on anything cognitive for long these days - had a profound perspective. The unconscious mind has wisdom far beyond what the conscious mind dictates. If I were to give voice to some of these wisdom, it would sound so odd and misplaced, maybe even stupid. Like if I were to say that I do not wish to hire a maid to solve the daily struggle I have in getting enough sleep before going to work the next day because I was up doing dishes and laundry.. and justify it by my assertion that this space, confined by the walls that witnessed his decline and his demise and our arguments and our reconciliations and all the quiet moments that could easily be lost and swept away in memory.. it is sacred.

I know we do not bring anything or anyone to the ground with us when it is our time. To Him we belong and to Him we return. But allowing a stranger to step in, clean the mess and carnage left behind, someone who has no idea the significance of every receipt or broken household item or anything else one might sensibly decide to throw away without question.. it is too risky. We are still in a bubble.. where the slightest curve in the breeze makes us all unhinged and anxious about when it will all pop. When he will fully be gone from our lives.. when we will finally be forced to move on, even if we aren't ready to let go. How else would I explain all that sensibly, other than how I just did? It sounds like big allegories that may seem empty, but it really isn't.. not for me. Its even more concrete and real to me than a simple "a maid would solve all your sleep and caregiving struggles". The unconscious mind has a far more powerful effect on the will than the conscious mind. Its wisdom commands more respect than most of us are willing to give.

The job.. it's just a job honestly. Its for bills, and for escape, and for some semblance of achievement to keep me from spiraling into despair. But if I'm being truly honest, it's also to fight the loneliness I feel deep in my core. Not the kinda loneliness that makes me wake up heart racing after dreaming about being kissed so passionately and embraced so intensely that it broke my heart a little when I literally woke to reality - though this kind of loneliness I must admit is getting a little too much for comfort. The loneliness I feel deep down is not having anyone to hear what I feel about the genocide in Palestine, or about the political satire in PAP lately, or about my worries for AI taking over, or what I honestly feel about my 6 Yr old falling "in love" with his classmate. Its having a mate.. to laugh with, to muse with, to watch things you don't wanna watch alone with. Someone who just gets you, and accepts you wholly, and calls you out when necessary because they want you to win.. while they're right beside you.

So, in that manner, no. This job does not fight off this loneliness. It drains my bank accounts even more because my impaired mind keeps making lots of financial and ethical blunders, costing us so much more than if I were just unemployed. In terms of achievement and helping the less fortunate, nothing feels satisfying when your own house is on fire and you're not able to save your own family first. That's just how it is for me. Those boys are more important than anything else in the world now, and I'm completely replaceable at work, but not at home.

Sigh. Who are these musings even for. Are you reading this yang, somehow? You've always hated long texts from me.. why would you start liking it now right.. I really do feel like I'm going crazy sometimes.

0 notes

lifewithoutmeds · 1 year ago

Text

june 19, 2023

monday, june 19 (juneteenth), 3:33 p.m.

things have been feeling sliiiightly better than the usual of terrible (progress.)

have had/have a pretty busy schedule.

past saturday, june 17 am: brunch with matt and alex in santa monica, followed by 3 games of monopoly deal and extended conversation saturday, june 17 pm: comedy show (alingon mitra) with anjali, followed by about two hours of chitchat sunday, june 18: father’s day lunch with dad. picked up $81 worth of groceries at whole foods, then went to his place where i made creamed spinach and mashed potatoes (from scratch and did i mention WHOLE FOODS ingredients,(, and he grilled up two WHOLE FOODS rib eye steaks that were just over a pound each.

future monday, june 19 pm: early bday dinner with mom at a local japanese place (that does not look good, but oh well, her choice.) tuesday, june 20: possible (unconfirmed) lunch with amy at tam o’shanters wednesday, june 21: early bday dinner for esther with esther and gy friday, june 23: fishing with huy (dependent on weather, specifically wind) saturday, june 24: kbbq dinner with tracy and her wife (my place)

that’s something almost every day. looks like i have thursday (off), which will be a nice reprieve to my stomach/bank account. also, huy wants to get to the lake (castaic) right at opening so i think that means 5 a.m.? which would mean an early thursday to sleep/prep anyway.

on the other hand, i suppose it’s good for me to “get out” and “socialize” and “see people/maintain friendships” etc., so i ought not complain and i’m not. it’s just a lot in a short time is all.

things have felt sliiightly better. i was very productive at work last wednesday and semi-productive thursday and friday (which are significant strides considering the last two weeks’ worth of productivity or lack thereof) i’ve still been pretty unable to go out for my morning/noon walks. still watch youtube/instagram for way too many hours a day. haven’t worked out in weeks or hit my 15,000 step goal. but i am and have been reaching out more regularly to my friends and did a bit too good of a job calendaring things to force me out.

yesterday i was really groggy and in a bit of a mood when i saw my dad for father’s day. he was whiney and complainy about my mom and teared up a bit talking about uncle bill and i was snappy at him before we both chilled out and managed to have some neutral chit chat before i headed out and functionally just laid down the rest of the day, unable to even properly unload my car of various groceries he had given to me/my mom. today has been the most productive day in about three weeks. i woke up around 6 or 7, forced myself out for a roughly 30 minute walk, came back and napped for two hours, then got up and made myself some coffee which gave me the energy and motivation to do other things.

i’ve been able to (checklist): take meds make bed AM walk wash dishes (2x) run vacuum (3x) water plants clean at least 50 minutes start a new book and (now) journal the place looks cleaner than it has since returning from camping late may and the only few things to do are empty the bbq items from my car and wash up some of the dishes in my camp box and i’ll be back to the cleanliness-level of pre-camping. i need to journal more and walk more. about midway through my walk i suddenly felt something akin to like, relief? like a big sigh and the mildest flicker of something positive, something akin to hope.

i think i also need to journal with a few prompts, things to consider in addition to just describing incidents in my life and the feelings i have about it, for example, what does kristal3.0 look like to me? what do i value in others/myself, and what qualities would i like to see in myself?

i’ll just brush on 1 or 2 at this time, but if i want to take this year as self discovery and self-love, then i need to be more deliberate about it.

kristal3.0 is: thinner/fitter saves money/increases self worth, but is also generous to others clean. showers regularly. doesn’t smell. minimalistic. doesn’t have useless shit piled around everywhere. keeps to the year’s resolutions gets out of the condo at least once a week (excluding work)

i think a newer thing i’ll add to my daily activity is 50 minutes’ dedication of cleaning/organizing any given room. so within a week i will have gotten to each room at least once. lately after about 5pm all i do is lie down and stare at my phone. if i tack on a 30 minute walk and 50 minutes cleaning plus either reading or journaling, i should be in a better place in a multitude of ways.

mood: 4/10

0 notes

livredebelle · 2 years ago

Text

Twelve.

MY BREATH HITCHED IN MY THROAT.

The slight contact that his finger had made with my cheekbone caused my skin to burn like mad. What was happening to me? No, to begin with, why had I cried?

"I'm not crying." Embarrassed, I hastily turned my head away from him. Gah, this was so humiliating; I couldn't bear to look at his face now.

"Hmm..." was all he said. Maybe he was trying to save me of my dignity. I was glad.

"Um... what happened to Maria? Where did she go?" I tried to change the subject.

"She said she had something to take care of, so she left. She said she'll text you later and to get home safe. Which you will, because I'm a safe driver, if I do say so myself."

Did I detect a hint of a smile in his tone? "Huh, that's a big assumption. What makes you think I'm gonna take that? My apartment isn't far from here, so I can walk, thank you very much."

"Why do you have to be so difficult?"

"This is just how it is. How many times are you going to make me repeat myself?"

We stopped there. Good. I was unwilling to get into another conflict with him. I was so drained enough as it is, and my anxiety attack had barely subsided.

"Wait," I said, realizing. I turned back to face him. "Who paid the bill?"

Heath cocked his head to the side. "I did, but no worries. I wanted to treat you and your friend as a... way of making amends and to celebrate the making of a new friendship."

"Who does that? You're insane." I shook my head. "Too damn positive. I honestly don't know what to do with you."

"You could just obey," he suggested with a dark smile, but I gave him a death stare, and he chuckled. "Fine. It won't be easy, but that's alright with me. Besides, nothing would be fun if you obtained it too easily."

"I don't like how you said that. It makes me feel like I'm some kind of prize to be won--which I'm not, old man."

"Hey--cut it out already. I'm only three years older, remember?"

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Fine, I'll take you up on your offer for a ride, but not because it's what I want. I just want to go home sooner so I can rest and get ready for the upcoming semester. I still have to buy books and such..."

"If that's the case, would you like to stop by the bookstore on the way? We can also go next time if you're too tired. I have a TA code I can use to get discounts on the school's bookstore items."

"Wow. Must be nice to be privileged like that. Maybe next time; I feel like I'm going to drop dead any minute now."

"All right. Get in the car, and I'll take you home."

As he held his car door open for me, I overheard some passersby--an old couple--comment, "My, how refreshing and nice to see that some youngsters are still keeping romance alive in this era." I blushed and quickly scrambled in. Jeez, how embarrassing. I heard Heath chuckle under his breath.

The second car ride with Heath was no less awkward than the first. While he was driving, I kept stealing sideway glances at him. No matter how long and hard I scrutinized his gaze, I couldn't seem to figure him out. What was his game? And why was he trying so hard to become friends wtih me? The only conclusion I could reach was that he was a peculiar (if not a little mentally deluded) person. Either way, his personality type, in addition to his general mysterious vibe, made me extremely cautious.

Finally, we reached my apartment complex. As I climbed out of his Audi, I stammered awkwardly, "Um... thanks for today and for lunch. I'll pay you back the next time I run into you. See you." I hastily scrambled away before he could say anything further, but I thought I heard a chuckle behind me as I closed the car door.

Once I was safely within the confines of my apartment, I plopped onto my twin-sized bed with a bitter sigh of defeat and weariness. God, what a day. I reached for my cracked iPhone; maybe I could just chill for the rest of the day and browse through some of my favorite comics and manga. As I surfed the web for good recommendations for some horror-themed comics, a text message from an unknown number popped up. Hm, was it spam, or a promo code? I hated leaving notifications unread on my phone due to my OCD personality. Without much thought, I opened and read the text message:

[I received your contact information from your friend over lunch. It was wonderful to formally make your acquaintance today, Rina. I'm sorry, I know you said you don't like it, but I think it really suits you, and it's either that or Miss Everly--take your pick. Just so you know, I'm quite stubborn too. Take care, and I'll see you in the fall.]

I shot up straight in bed. What the fuck. Maria!!!

Frustrated, I ruffled my own hair. Damn it, why did he have my number? It was like the red thread of fate was wrapping around us tighter and tighter--I couldn't see an escape. Also, it seemed I was stuck with being called either 'Rina' or 'Miss Everly,' and I didn't know which I hated more. Gods, I hadn't met anybody who was more stubborn than me.

Disgruntled, I shot Maria an accusatory text:

[Hey, that's an invasion of privacy. I don't remember giving you permission to give Heath my number.]

She was a slow texter, so I doubted I'd receive a response from her soon. With that thought, I closed my eyes and fell asleep for a quick but much needed recharge nap.

When I awoke, it was already evening--twilight. I felt better, but I still had a lot of thoughts in my head. In an effort to distract myself, I decided to make myself dinner. I hadn't cooked in a while, but it couldn't be that hard.

Nearly an hour later, I was more frustrated than ever after having burnt three rounds of simple fried rice. Why was this so difficult? Come to think of it, I couldn't remember a time I had cooked fried rice ever...

I heard a knock on my door and promptly went to open it.

Quinn was standing there, his arms crossed over his chest with a disgusted look on his face. "What is that I smell? Did you kill a cat in there?"

"Hey, Kona's alive and well, thank you very much. It's just..." I bit my lower lip. "I think I messed up big time on dinner."

"You're telling me! God, that reeks. How did you mess it up that bad?" He was grinning at this point, all teasing.

I huffed in irritation. "I don't need this from you. At least I tried."

"Wanna go out to eat instead? I was thinking of catching a bite at this hot pot place later. I was in the mood for some soup and Chinese."

I sighed. "Sure, anything sounds better than this. Let me go change really quick. Why don't you come inside and wait in the living room?"

"Um, could you be a little more timid about inviting a guy into your apartment in broad daylight? Sheesh. I'm a guy, too, you know--you should be more cautious."

In response, I simply rolled my eyes with him. Before I could fully shut the door, Quinn stopped it with his foot, still grinning stupidly as he helped himself inside with a little wink.

Ten minutes later, I was ready in a casual, tight long-sleeved red shirt that I had paired with my favorite boyfriend jeans. My hair was messy, so I had it lightly tied up in a high ponytail. Keys, wallet, iPhone--check. A quick look at my lock screen revealed two messages from Maria, and one from Heath. My heart stopped for a bit. Wait, another one? I quickly swiped down the messages to look:

[Isn't it a little rude to ignore a text message? Either way, I'll wait.]

This guy was seriously nuts. Yet I couldn't deny the strange sense of curiosity I felt towards him. I was the type of girl who couldn't rest until she solved the answer to every puzzle, and to me, Heath was a huge one. Why couldn't I figure him out?

He was gentle and soft--the opposite of me. His smile could blind me from a mile away, which I found to be hugely annoying. He always smiled as if he were the happiest guy in the world, but it was off-putting because I could tell there was more to his story; his mature gaze gave off a complicated vibe...

I shook my head violently. Wait, what was I thinking about Heath right now for? It must be the college girls' reactions earlier rubbing off on me. No way would I be like those girls; they were like members of his fan club. Besides, texting him back wouldn't be a big deal. It would be just as if I were texting anybody else, so it shouldn't be an issue. Trying not to overthink it, I responded:

[Impatient, are we? Also a little obsessed. Seriously amazed with your stalker skills.]

Once I headed out to the living room, I found Quinn playing with Kona with a piece of yarn. I couldn't lie, that was pretty cute.

"I'm surprised she lets you come close to her. She's a real bitch when it comes to other people."

"Hey, like mother, like daughter, huh? Except Kona's way cuter."

I scoffed. "Think that's an insult? Anyways, are we going to eat or not?"

"We sure are. Let's go."

***

"That really hit the spot," I said happily as we sauntered out of the hot pot restaurant.

I felt stuffed and, finally, relaxed. As much as I might have wanted to deny it, spending time with Quinn had a positive effect on my mood--I didn't have to overthink much, and keeping a conversation with him felt as effortless as breathing.

"Do you wanna get some coffee?" he asked, and I nodded. I was always down for a good cup of coffee. Just then, I felt my phone vibrate in my back butt pocket. Curious, but trying not to get ahead of myself, I decided to check my messages.

It was Maria, and I found myself feeling slightly disappointed that it wasn't who I had predicted. But precisely why should I feel disappointed? It was beyond frustrating.

[Sorry. I thought you guys looked close enough that it was okay. Didn't see the harm. How do you know him, anyway?]

I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I didn't really know him, anyway. It was also so odd how quickly Maria and I had went back to acting normal, despite having had such a long hiatus in our friendship. Had she truly forgotten and left her past behind? I honestly couldn't say the same. I wasn't brave enough.

Bzzz. Another message, this time actually from Heath, effectively distracting me from that train of thought:

[Continue to be amazed. By the way, I think you're right that I'm obsessed--I find myself missing you.]

Christ. What do I even say to that? Also, was he seriously flirting with me? Ugh--the worst. Yet why was my own heart buzzing so loudly within my chest? My hands were getting clammy as well. As cliche as it may sound, I had never felt this way before.

[Pervert. You're an M, aren't you?]

[Maybe you're right about that too. But it's true, I do miss you. Let me see you again--I can't wait until fall. I'll make up for our horrible first encounters.]

What did he mean by that last part? Either way, I wasn't going to dignify that with a response. If I did, he would surely think I was interested too.

When my phone buzzed again, I expected a follow-up message from Heath due to my silence. Instead, what I saw was an email that made my blood freeze. I quickly opened it.

It was about my financial aid application, which apparently had encountered some problems. If unresolved, this could affect my decision to go to university in the upcoming fall, which was coming up in about two months. All I could gather from the context of the email was that a merit-based scholarship that had previously been offered was about to be rescinded, and I was to contact the financial aid office at my earliest convenience.

"Fuck," I groaned loudly. Why wasn't anything going right anymore?

"Hey, what's going on?" The concern was evident in Quinn's eyes. But I didn't want to worry him or burden him with my baggage, so I made up a lousy excuse about family issues and asked apologetically if we could postpone coffee for some other time. He quickly agreed and asked if I wanted to come in to his apartment for a smoke break, but I told him I needed to take care of things first. He nodded, wholeheartedly believing my lie, and gave me a quick peck on the forehead. "Call me," he said before he closed the door to his apartment with a crooked smile. I smiled weakly back--all the while, the inside of my brain was going frantic, and I needed to hurry up into the confines of my own home to properly deal with it.

Yeah, it was better this way. A part of me felt guilty for having pushed him away, again and again without fail... all because I was terrified of the repercussions that would follow from a friendship that kept growing deeper. All because I was afraid and so sure that history was going to repeat itself, and I could avoid that outcome by isolating myself and cutting myself out from his world. All of this came rushing to me in the form of fragmented thoughts, but I was too distracted to remain focused on that.

As soon as I trudged into my apartment, I let out a deep sigh and slumped against the wall near the front door. Kona came near me and purred, trying to comfort me. I felt like my heart was becoming more and more shackled up with the chains of my past. In order to move on, I realized, I would need to confront my fears and demons sooner than later, or else I would stagnate and never grow.

Confronting my fears and demons meant confronting my family, namely my mother, eventually. But was I even capable of doing that?

My phone screen lit up, and my eyes narrowed. I laughed bitterly at the irony. Speak of the devil... I debated not answering the call, then pressed the green button, my lips pressed together and my jaw locked tight from the impending tension.

"Hello, Mother."

0 notes

hchollym · 2 years ago

Text

Random Headcanons That I Have for Percy

Percy was closer to Charlie than Bill. Everyone always assumes that he was closer to Bill, because they have more in common, but there’s really nothing in the books to prove that. At one point, Bill is even dismissive of Percy, and the two of them have literally 0 interaction (that we see) when Percy visits the Burrow for Christmas or when he reconciles with his family before the final battle. They more or less ignore each other, which doesn’t point to a very close relationship. In fact, we see Percy address Fleur instead of Bill before the final battle. It just makes me think that Percy probably wanted to be like Bill at one point, but Bill was “too cool” to spend time with his little brother (keep in mind that Bill would have been a teenager then, and not all teenagers are super nice to their younger siblings), so Charlie ended up taking over more, since he was always chill and didn’t mind having his little brother follow him around.

Out of all the Weasley kids, the twins were closer to Percy than anyone else. Being the closest in age, they used to look up to him, and the three of them spent a lot of time together, but then as Percy got older, he started to change and focus more on schoolwork and acting mature, effectively leaving the twins behind. It was then that Fred and George started pranking Percy so often and so extremely, because they were mad that he wouldn’t hang out with them anymore, and it hurt their feelings (though they’d never admit it).

Percy can cook really well. He took his responsibility as his mother’s helper very seriously, which extended to the kitchen, so he used to cook with her all the time. It was also one of the only places that he got her attention to himself, so he volunteered pretty often, and he ended up being really good at it.

Percy actually enjoys playing quidditch (we know he plays some from the books), but he hates the pressure of being on a team, and he hates constantly being compared to his siblings and their talents (especially Charlie, because everyone is constantly talking about how Charlie could have gone pro, and Percy doesn’t want to seem like a disappointment in comparison).

Percy paid rent to his parents during GoF. I think Percy lived at home the first year he worked in order to be responsible and save up money, but I also think he helped out with bills around the house because he knew how much his parents struggled and it was still cheaper than getting his own place. This is one of the reasons that he didn’t have to share a room when everyone visited over the summer. However, his parents didn’t want anyone to know that Percy was contributing financially (because it was a pride thing), so they never told the others, and it subtly caused a larger rift between Percy and his dad.

Percy is neurodivergent. He can come across as rude, arrogant, and compulsive, which can often happen when people are on the spectrum, because they just don’t understand the “rules” for appropriate socialization. He also doesn’t always pick up on facial or body cues when other people are annoyed with him or don’t want to talk (like when he spoke with Harry at the Yule Ball).

Percy loves muggle music. We know from the books that he sings in the shower, and I just think Penny exposed him to a lot of muggle music, which he ended up really enjoying.

Percy knows several languages. There’s no actual basis for this in the books, but we know that Percy was usually studying something and that he wanted a career in the Ministry, so I think he taught himself a few languages (including French and Latin) to make himself more valuable as a potential employee and to be able to eventually communicate better with other countries as an official in the Ministry.

Percy struggled with alcoholism, and it started before he left his family. In GoF, it says:

Percy heaved an impressive sigh and took a deep swig of elderflower wine.

While this is not telling in and of itself, this is happening at the same time that Percy is trying to talk to his father about work, but Arthur is pretty much dismissing everything he says or interrupting him with a random thought. Percy is clearly trying (and failing) to relate to his dad, but it’s just not working, and that has got to hurt. I just think Percy started coping with his social anxiety and feelings of not belonging (particularly around his family) by using alcohol, and it ended up going too far. I also think that Percy had already been drinking the day that “the fight” happened, and that certainly didn’t help matters.

#these aren't the only headcanons I have for Percy #but it's a start #percy weasley #Headcanon #hp

206 notes · View notes

boldlyvoid · 3 years ago

Text

Million Dollar Man | chapter two

18+

summary: Spencer's therapist recommended he branch out and meet new people who don't want to talk about his work... she didn't expect him to sign up for a Sugar Daddy website.

Content warnings: sugar daddy!spencer, age gaps (14 years), daddy kink, blow jobs, kissing, drinking mention, lowkey perv!Spencer, cum play, praise, oral (female receiving), grinding, love confessions, arrangements, Spencers anxiety, (more to add)

word count: 3.4K

a/n: updates on Wednesdays and saturdays at 2 pm est

Chapter Two | Masterlist

She sat on the subway with an anxious pit in her stomach and her purse held close to her chest. Her laptop in her bag, she didn’t want to lose it on her way to the most important meeting of her whole life.

Her story was becoming a book, she was almost done the final draft, they were making touch-ups to the cover and picking the type of paper today.

Her dreams were coming true within the next month, soon she’d have a physical copy of her book, her pre-sales were showing that she’d be on the bestseller list, and her name was finally going to be on the cover of this one.

She sighed and reached for her necklace, holding it between her fingers as she took a few deep breaths. She was doing so much better today than she was last year and it was all because of Spencer, he was the best thing to happen to her. To think she complimented his sweater vest and now he’s the only person in her life she can count on.

All she can think about is him for the rest of her journey, through 4 more stops she keeps her eyes closed as she thinks of all his little facts and his cute laugh. She smiles to herself and the anxiety slips away, she loves him and she knows that for sure, but she just doesn’t know how she loves him.

She’s never had a sibling, her best friends are all women, her previous boyfriends were all shit and her other sugar daddies were never this wonderful, and her parents are lesbians… she doesn’t know what her feelings really are for Spencer, mainly because she’s never known any other men to compare him to.

But she does know the exact moment she realized she fell for him.

He booked a hotel room in DC after a local case, asking her to meet him in there at 10 pm. She was waiting in the bathtub when he arrived, bubbles galore, her hair up and arms open, “welcome home, honey.”

He laughs, “you want me to get in there with you?”

She just nods, “let me take care of you, daddy?”

He takes off his blazer, pulls his tie off and starts to unbutton his shirt. She watches patiently as he gets undressed, and it’s not sexual to her. He’s her person, her best friend, the only human being she would ever share a moment like this with and that’s when it hits her.

She doesn’t accept it just yet.

It’s not until he’s lying on her chest, between her legs, cheek resting on her boobs as she runs a sponge over his back while he gives her a little run down on his terrible week. His co-worker almost died, his mom is stressing him out, the only good thing he has left is her and she knows that.

“And then I get to my moms facility and she’s had a really good day, she knows me and she knows all of my childhood again and she’s all right there in front of me and yet she’s so far away. I’m never going to get all the time I want with her and it’s really hard to accept.”

He shares things with her that he doesn’t even tell his therapist. Because his therapist doesn’t hold him like a child against her chest and tell him he’s okay when he get’s upset.

Y/N loves him, so she kisses his forehead, “I’m so sorry, I have 2 moms if you’d like to have one?”

“It’s okay, I would love to meet them sometime though,” he wraps his arms around her waist a little tighter under the water. “Thank you for tonight.”

“Did I mention my leg is 44 inches from hip to toe?” She asks in the middle of the silence, quoting pretty woman, knowing he hasn’t seen that far into the movie yet. “So basically we’re talking about 88 inches of therapy for the bargain price of $800 dollars a week.”

Her legs wrap around him and their naked bodies are closer than they’ve ever been and yet it’s completely platonic, “I’d spend a million dollars on you if it always meant feeling this good after.”

She runs her cheek along his wet hair as he snuggles into her neck, “mmm, I like the sound of that,” she teased. “My million dollar man.”

Her stop rolls around and she pulls herself out of her day dreams to get off the train and head to her meeting. She smiles as she walks through the station, up the stairs and onto the busy downtown streets when she gets a text with Spencers special chime. She opens it when she gets to where she’s going, safely inside and in the waiting room.

It makes her laugh in the waiting room. People look at her but she doesn’t care, he’s so special to her she feels butterflies in her stomach even when he’s not around.

“Y/N!” She hears her name being called by her editor, he’s over ecstatic as he comes running out to get her. “Come, come we have so many choices to make!” He jumps up and down as he holds her arm, like a child in a candy store.

“Andy, chill man,” she laughs at him and plays it cool, “It’s just the cover being finalized.”

“It’s our baby!” He teases back, pushing his glasses up and tugging her behind the glass doors of the office.

She’s surrounded by people and paper and huge versions of her book cover. She has a sharpie as she fixed mistakes and jots down final ideas. “And I wan’t Phil to look more human and less like data from Star Trek?”

“But Dorothy looks okay?” The artist asks, nervously and Y/N can tell.

“She looks beautiful! You really brought her justice,” she smiles, “really she looks the same in my head! It’s just Phil and I’m sure it’s tough getting a drawing to look like a robotic human, let alone human.”

“I have some ideas?” She opens up more, taking her iPad out and sliding it across the table, “I wanted to give him more of a Sophia feel? His face is silicone but his joints and everything are more like an Elon Musk crash dummy.”

“That’s perfect!” She’s shocked, “why didn’t that go in the first draft?”

“I was worried it was too much,” she’s a little older than Y/N, and yet her anxiety is that of a teenage girl. “I’m going to get working on the final, do you want some emailed versions tonight?”

“Yes please,” she smiles.

“So we’re done?” Andy asks, “we’ve made all our final calls?”

“I believe we have,” Y/N closes her laptop and takes her phone out, taking a photo of the final rough sketch of her book cover on the table to send to Spencer before he comes to pick her up. She can’t wait to see him now.

—

They’re sitting side by side in matching spa robes, he’s getting a pedicure while she gets her nails done. Leaning back in her chair with a face mask and cucumbers on her eyes, she’s never felt more relaxed in her life. And just in time too, her back was killing her from writing, her knuckles hurt and she just needed a break.

Spencer did too, he was genuinely not having a good time at work anymore, every case made him spiral and he always looked to Y/N on days like that. They met more than once a week now, she got $800 every Friday and she didn’t even really need it anymore. He was coving for so much of her bills and lively hood that her savings account was growing and growing because of him.

For the first time in her life she thought she would be okay if a man left her. As terrible as it was, as much as her moms tried to raise her differently, she fell down the daddy issues rabbit hole and she’s never going to find her way out— however, luckily for her, Spencer is down here too, and he brought a flashlight.

He understands her, more than anyone else on earth. He knows all her secrets, every crush and bad grade and snide remark she’s ever kept to herself. He didn’t judge her, he could actually listen to her issues and tell her why she had them. He gave better advice than a therapist and he was able to get information for her if he didn’t know the answer to what she was going through.

He’s absolutely everything to her and yet he’s 14 years older than her, he’s still traumatized beyond belief, he’s sad and ashamed and recovering… but he’s the best man in the whole world and she wishes he could see that. If he just looked at himself from her eyes, if he felt how she did in her soul when they were together, he’d love himself.

They’re too relaxed to drive home, and Spencer knew that would happen beforehand, bringing her a change of clothes (lingerie) and that robe me mentioned. He books a hotel above the spa and takes her to it. Arms linked as they enter the suite, she’s amazed to find more than one gift bag on the bed.

“How many gifts is this now?”

“We’re at 5 out of 24.”

She laughs as she wraps her arms around him in a thank you hug, “this is what you consider 4 gifts? Spencer there are like 8 things on the bed, let alone the massage and manicure?”

“If you think this is too much I guess you’re going to get really mad next week,” he teases as she looks up at him with a surprised look on her face.

“Spencer, I am so busy next week, I cannot be galavanting around with my sugar daddy,” she tries to act like she doesn’t want to go on an adventure with him again.

The last trip they took was the best week of her life. They went to all the historical sites in the UK that she and Spencer had talked about. Mainly old churches and castles, strange poets graves, random art and most importantly; stone henge. It was a trip of a lifetime and he took it with her.

“I watched the rest of Pretty Woman the other day,” he smiles, “and I thought I’d pull an Edward Lewis and really surprise you because you deserve it.”

“You know how the movie ends, right?” Her heart beats really fast in her chest and she wants him to love her so bad but it’s also terrifying now that she’s this close.

“He lets her choose,” he whispers.

“He rescues her,” she corrects him.

“And she rescues him right back,” he really did watch the end of the movie.

It makes her heart skip a beat as she swallows sharply, “what does this mean for us?”

“I have a whole plan, a whole sequence of events I want to stick to. I wanted to make you fall in love with me this week and ask you on your birthday, can we still do that?” He pleads with her, he’s so serious. He’s clearly put a lot of effort into this.

“Absolutely,” she smiles, “but if you’re going to make me wait that long for you to ask, you still can’t kiss me till then. No matter how much I already love you.”

“Really?” He’s so soft with her, she knows he’s not reacting to the teasing. He’s never had someone tell him they love him and then stay after.

“I would never lie to you about that, spence. I know what love means to you, I know how scared you are and I’m scared too. But I know there is no one else in the whole world I’d rather be scared with than you,” she holds him tighter and rubs her nose against his, “so what’s in the bags, daddy? Finish your surprise.”

She plays along perfectly, stepping back and hauling him towards the bed. “I got you some outfits and things for the next 2 weeks, we have a few things planned. We’re going on a flight soon, I have new luggage being delivered to your apartment this week and we’re going to see your moms for 3 days.”

“No,” she shakes her head, “there’s no way, Spencer, I haven’t seen them in 5 years, I’m going to cry.”

“I know,” he cups her jaw with his hand. “They’re really excited to see you.”

She hugs him tight, kissing his neck as she holds him. “Thank you, daddy, do you want me to put something on for you now?”

“I’m just going to take it off you, plus, what your wearing is sexy enough, he whispers back. “You’re always so beautiful, baby.”

“I thought you were saving the best for last?” She asks as she pulls back, overly eager and he can tell.

“I want to repay the favour from the other night.”

She doesn’t mean to gasp and yet she does, “please?”

He pulls on the tie of her robe, opening it enough to snake a hand behind her back and draw her in with a hand on her bare back. “Please what?”

“Please, daddy?” She looks up with her best begging eyes, perfect pout and all. “I want you to touch me, I promise I’ll be a good girl.”

He steps away from her to swipe all the bags off the bed before picking her up and laying her back against the pillows. He kisses down her body, hand on her lover back as she arches, he drags his bottom lip from her belly button to her cleavage. Nipping and sucking at the exposed skin on her chest, pulling her breasts out of the bra to suck on her nipples, she moans and it’s louder than she expected.

As she plays with his hair, he marks her, bruising small little love bites all the way down as he makes his way between her legs, “take me, please?”

He’s been dreaming of this for so long, he can’t even give you an accurate number of times his mind has drifted to the thought of how wonderful she would taste, how beautiful she’d sound…

“Tell me how badly you want me?” He asks as he spreads her legs and kisses her left thigh.

“I haven’t had sex in 10 months while waiting for you. Daddy, please you’ve owned me for so long, just take what’s yours already for gods sa- OH!”

With a broad lick, his tongue flattens against her core and it shuts her up. She gets what she wants, holding into his hair as she tosses her head back, taking it all in and enjoying it. He’s been on her mind for months, every time her vibrator was where he is now, she thought of him. he’s been the man of her dreams longer than she’s known him, and he was proving it.

“Right there, daddy,” she speaks through shallow breaths, “do you know how much I’ve thought of this?”

“You know I don’t,” the vibrations of his voice against her skin are glorious, he looks up at her through his lashes as his tongue flicks over her clit and she shakes a bit.

“Fuck,” she gasps, gripping his hair tighter, “better than I thought you’d be, fuck, too bad you— Jesus, don’t have the stash anymore…”

He stops and looks up at her, the smirk on his face glistening with her juices, “the stash?”

She nods, “I’ve thought about calling it the pussy tickler,” she teases, running her hand down his cheek and swiping her thumb across his bottom lip before bringing it up to her mouth to taste, “I want more of you.”

He kisses back up her body and she reaches for his robe the second he’s close enough. “Just grind against me? I know you’re waiting but we can still feel good together?”

He kisses the side of her mouth and she takes that as a yes, wrapping her legs around him so his hard cock is pressed right against her core as they move their hips in synchronicity with each other. His breathing is heavy as he kisses her cheek and jaw, her nails scratch down his back, he feels absolutely amazing against her.

She feels so empty, she wants him so bad she’s clenching around nothing as she squirms against his cock and wishes she was full.

“I wish I could move time,” she whispers. “Fuck, why can’t it be my birthday?”

He laughs against her, grazing his teeth over her neck and drawing another moan from her but then he stops moving his hips, “why are you so impatient?”

“Remember I said I stopped enjoying everything? Well, taking a 10 month break from sex and thinking about you every time I got off has made me desperate,” her hand cups his cheek, “I’d wait forever for you, but a girl needs to be fucked hard every once in a while.”

Only she could find a way to make something both profoundly beautiful and whorish at the same time, he loved her for it and she knew that now. He smiles and leaned in to rub his nose against hers and it takes everything in her not to kiss him. The same way it was taking everything in him not to slip into her as he began to grind against her once more.

She’s so close, the accidental edging has added a whole new level of desperation she’s never felt before. She wants to cum for him so bad, but more importantly she wants him to cum for her.

“Take my bra off,” she whispers, Spencer’s hands travel behind her back to unclasp it and he helps her out of it before tossing it to the floor.

“Cum for me daddy,” she whispers in his head with a hand in his hair, gripping him tightly as he bites at her neck, “cover me with your cum like you’re marking your territory.”

“Shit,” his hips sputter against hers.

“Say it, I know you want to,” she teases, so close to the edge but it’s too good of an opportunity. She loves seeing him fall apart like this and she can’t wait to see it again. “Who’s am I?”

“Daddy’s girl.”

He grinds down on her harder and faster and she’s so close, the bubble in her gut is reaching a fever pitch and with a gasp, she’s cumming and then she feels it. His load covers her stomach as he pants against her neck and grips her hips tighter as he comes down.

She wraps her arms around him and holds him as close as humanly possible, her breathing still heavy as he rises and falls on her chest. He’s heavy but she doesn’t care, she just kisses the top of his head and thanks him.

He brushes his nose against her neck, nuzzling her like a cat, “do you really mean it?”

“What, honey?” He remembers so much, this could be a question about something she said 2 months or 2 minutes ago and she has no clue.

“You’re not just playing along with my kinks right, you genuinely want to be mine?”

For being her million dollar man, his heart sure was broke. This is why he wasn’t ready, he still didn’t understand why she would want to stay without anything in return, he’s gotten so used to paying her for her time now that his anxiety has managed to convince him that she’ll leave when he stops being worth it to her.

“What does my necklace say?” She asks, knowing how close he was to it. “Read it to me, I forget.”

“Daddy’s girl,” he smiles again.

She soothes her hands over his back, “I would do anything with you because I love and trust you, but also because everything you do is sexy… you could read me the dictionary and I’d still want you to pump me full of cum after.”

“It sounds so crude after,” he laughs, “speaking of, we really need to have a shower.”

“I’ll wash your back if you wash mine?” She teases as he gets up.

“Only if you let me wash the front too?”

She smacks his bare ass and races him into the bathroom, turning on the water and getting in with him while still laughing and carrying on. He’s her best friend in the whole world, there’s no one else she would rather do this with… there was no one she has done this with. No one has made her feel this good, before during and after sex.

Spencer Reid was an anomaly, but he was hers.

Permanent tag list:

@g0lden-cth @doctorspenceryeet @samuel-de-champagne-problems @reiding-recs @shemarmooresfedora @reidsfish @manuosorioh @mochionly @jswessie187 @k-k0129 @blanchardsbk @idonotexiste @measure-in-pain @dreams-in-blxck @doc-padfoot @nomajdetective @mggswhorificlover @dinonuggets1967 @meganskane @gubeskneescrew @kya-li @reidsbookclub @muffin-cup @sassymoon @shirleyrose

Sugar daddy fic (Some tags didn't work)

@mggs-sidehoe @bakugouswh0r3 @mggskneescrews @moonlight-2-6 @spencerreidscumwhore @my-thoughts-are-weird @violetclifford @youabitchhhh @bunny-script @baby-i-am-fireproof @moondustmemories @rexorangecouny @minervaonmars @onlyhereforthefanfics @anonymous-reading @go2sleepducky @kingcrain @beepbooptoop @givemeth @emma-is-a-nerd@wrecky-becky @eternalspence @ne--yo-pets @valerieweasley @coldlilheart @andiebeaword

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x you #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid request #criminal minds smut #criminal minds imagine #sugar daddy spencer #perv!spencer #mdm

798 notes · View notes

ijustwant2write · 3 years ago

Text

Reconnect-Finn Shelby x Reader

(GIF credit to @peakystitches)

Masterlist

Tags: @captivatedbycillianmurphy @jenepleurepasbaby @amirahiddleston @bloodorangemoonlight @haphazardhufflepuff @mzcrazy2

Requested by anonymous: ‘Hello! May i request an either tommy or finn shelby x reader? (Whicheverr one u think suits best) for this prompt i found: character A and B have been in a longterm relationship and nothing can get in between, until one day something does and they drift away. But then they reconnect emotionally and everything feels like the first time again (first kiss, first meal together etc) 🙏🏼💜 i love ur writing thank u’

Characters: Finn Shelby x Reader, Polly Gray x Reader (platonic)

Meanings: (Y/N)=Your name

Warnings: Swearing, arguing, finance issues, drinking, fluff

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Finn, is that you?" I called out from our bedroom as I heard the front door open. I tensed up when I didn't hear a reply, only to let out a sigh when I heard him giggling.

He was drunk again, it happened almost every week now. Tommy would have given him something important to do for the gang, and whether or not Finn succeeded with that task, he would go out and celebrate with his mates. I would sometimes tag along if I wasn't tired from the week of working, but after seeing our finances, I realised we needed to stop acting like teenagers and start saving wisely.

"Hello my gorgeous girl." he slurred out as he entered the room.

"Hello Finn." I replied as I received a sloppy kiss to my forehead.

He flopped down beside me in bed, taking the book out of my hands and throwing it to the floor. Finn wrapped his arms around me, snuggling into my lap. I took off his hat, stroking back his hair. He was cold from the brisk walk home, causing me to shiver.

“You should have come out tonight." he said.

"I got off work late."

"He kept you again?"

"No, I decided to stay."

"Why? You always say you're tired."

"I'm tired because I'm picking up extra shifts and hours so that we can start saving up for a house."

"I've told you, we don't need to worry about that. Business is good."

"Finn, we're not going to be given the money. We have to earn it."

"Tommy will help us."

"He might help but he won't give us a lot. And even if he did hand us a house, we've got to have enough money for the bills, furniture-"

"It will be fine."

"Finn, we've not even had our wedding yet!"

We had been engaged for half a year. We were wanting to be married sooner, but problems arose with the Peaky Blinders it distracted us both from it, especially since our lives were in danger. I desperately wanted to have enough money for the wedding and house, though it looked like it was going to be one or the other at this point.

"What's wrong with the flat?" Finn now sat up.

"Did you seriously ask me that question? There's only so much I can do to this dump to make it look somewhat liveable. It just doesn't feel like home."

"We'll get the money. Don't worry. Look, look," he took my hands in his,"we will get a house. I promise. And believe me, I want to marry you as soon as I can, there needs to be another ring on that finger. And I need to see my name at the end of yours."

I stupidly believed him. Those adoring eyes I once trusted had lied to me. Finn kept his promise for a week at max, soon breaking it. I didn't mind him going out with friends, we both needed to socialise, I just disagreed with the amount of times he was out and the amount of drinks he was buying each night. He would always offer to get the next round, and although he was a Shelby, the discounts didn't make much difference at the end of the night. I decided I had to go with him to ensure that our money wasn't being poured away, struggling to stay awake for those long nights, and making work even harder every day. It was impossible to keep an eye on him like that.

Usually Finn would tell me if he was going out that night so I wouldn't worry. That stopped too. My mind was never at ease. How did I know he wasn't lying in a ditch somewhere after a job gone wrong? Or what if he was trapped somewhere by a rival gang? I could only rest when he returned, which he always luckily did. I pretended to be asleep, trying to not push him away as he slipped his arms around me, cuddling me for the rest of the night. My patience began to grow thin. I was too scared to speak up about it, worried that we would just end up having an argument. However, I knew we would have to bring it up soon, because our money was only disappearing instead of increasing.

One morning when I was leaving for work, I noticed that the drawer we locked our savings away in was slightly ajar, meaning someone had unlocked it and stupidly left it open. Of course it had to be Finn, no one had broken in during the night. My eyes widened when I saw how much he had taken, enraged that he would think me so foolish. Why would he take the money without asking? What was he using it for?

As I stormed towards the shop, I heard whooping from men in a car further up the street. My face turned into a deep frown when I recognised the car, managing to catch a glimpse of the people in it. They hadn't seen me, and I had to make sure my eyes were deceiving me.

I didn't care about the looks on me as I burst through into the shop, making a beeline for Polly's office. I harshly knocked on the door, entering when she called me.

"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" she asked, a lit cigarette in hand.

"Where's Finn?"

"Off out with his brothers, why?"

"Where are they going?"

"To the races."

I scoffed, placing a hand on my head in defeat.

"Why? What's wrong with that?"

"He told me he would be in the office all day today."

"So? Things change."

"No, he specifically told me that. I never even asked about it. He made a point meaning he didn't want to risk me waltzing in. That means he's hiding something."

"(Y/N), they're only going to bet on horses today. They're mingling."

"They're betting today?!"

She stood, putting a hand on her hip."What am I missing here?"

"Pol, he's using money that we don't have! I need a car, I need to get to him."

"Look, even if my nephew is being the biggest idiot, it's a bad idea to go there."

"Why?"

Her eyes widened."Don't snap at me young lady."

"I'm sorry, I just, I just know he's going to be stupid with what little money we have at the minute."

Polly was silent for a few seconds, and I didn't know if she was just staring me out, trying to make me leave. Perhaps she didn't think it was anything to worry over. But it was to me. She surprised me when she went into one of her drawers, pulling out a set of keys.

"Come on. I'll get one of the girls to call your work, say you're sick."

I tightly clasped my hands together as Polly drove. I was furious, trying to think of what to say to Finn when I got there. He stole our money. He went behind my back, gambling away the money we worked hard to earn. I had never said it, but Finn had it much easier than I did. For one, he worked with family, and although I liked my job, the boss could sometimes be an arsehole; second, he earned a lot more than me, so he was the bigger breadwinner between us, but I worked longer hours. Yes, he was in a gang meaning he had more days where his life was under threat, but he seemed to be having a jolly good time anyway. Really, it wouldn't have mattered who worked longer or harder, or who earned more, it was still our money to spend on our house.

As soon as Polly parked up, I was straight out of the car. She quickly followed grabbing my arm and warning me to not get lost in the crowds. I couldn't make a scene, especially since there could be potential business partners or enemies about. I refrained from rolling my eyes, knowing she was right but also knowing that I would find it extremely hard to not scream at Finn.

Polly guided me to where the men would be, ignoring the shoving and shouting. I wished for her to walk quicker. We swiftly entered the posher boxes, almost stopped by a doorman until his accomplice shut him up. I even heard him whisper 'That's Polly Gray you idiot.', the one time I was glad we had a reputation. She only paused to scan the room for the boys but I spotted them first. Quickly moving past her, I couldn't stop my fists from clenching, seeing Finn joyfully drinking and laughing with his brothers only added fire to my fury.

"Finn!" I snapped, quickly catching his attention.

"(Y/N)?" he exclaimed, struggling to stand and clattering the plates and glasses on the table."W-what are you doing here?"

"Stopping you from spending our money like a fucking idiot! Where is it?"

"Oh, Finn boy is in the doghouse." John chuckled.

"Shut up!" I fiercely pointed at him.

"Where's what?" Finn brought me back.

"Our money!"

"I told you, you do this outside." Polly warned, shoving Finn in that direction, and I knew I had to follow him.

Luckily, we were left alone. Finn continued on, finding someplace we would be alone. Once we were in the clear, the distant roar of the crowds covering our conversation, I saw him sigh quietly, running a hand down his face when he realised what was coming.

"Where's the money Finn?" I asked, calmer but with a mean tone.

"Let me explain first.”

"Explain how you took our money without asking? How you just waltzed out this morning without consulting me?"

"Tommy said that there was a good chance, a very good chance that this horse would win, and I thought it would help us if we put our money on it. Imagine how much we'll have if it wins!"

"If it wins Finn, if! You're gambling our money, why would you do something like that?"

"Because you went on about not having enough money! And here I am trying to help!"

My mouth dropped open in shock."You really don’t see the problem here."

"No, actually, I don't." he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Finn, you stole money from the drawer! You then go behind my back and bet it away. Have you thought about what we'll do if that horse loses?"

"But it won't, Tommy said."

"And what if Tommy is wrong this time? Also, don't pin this on your brother, I know he hasn't even suggested this idea."

"I'm not-urgh!" Finn groaned."Why don't you trust me?"

"I can't trust a gamble Finn. I don't think you realise how many nights I've spent lying awake, worried that we'll never have enough for our own home, and thinking that you don't even care anymore."

"Of course I care. This is why I've bet the money."

"How is this not getting in your head?"

"(Y/N)," he took my hands in his, but I couldn't even look at him,"in a few minutes we will hear them announce the winner, and we will start jumping for joy when we realise how much money we're going to get back, and we're going to be so much closer to getting our home."

"Finn, I desperately want to believe that. But even if we do win, you're in deep trouble." I took my hands away from him, turning around. I couldn't even look at my own fiance.

On queue, we heard a man come over the intercom, it was muffled to me but I knew Finn was listening intensely. Glancing over my shoulder, I watched for his reaction, turning around fully when I saw his expression. We had lost. We lost all that money.

"How could you be so fucking stupid?!" I screamed at him, throwing slaps onto his chest."Why couldn't you just listen to me? I don't understand why you had to lie to me Finn!"

I broke down crying, shoving him away from me. My sobs were loud but I didn't care. Finn could watch, see how much he upset me. My heart sank at the thought of it all gone, Finn had left scarcely any money in the drawer back at the flat.

"I'm sorry (Y/N)." Finn pathetically said.

"You know how you always go on about your family never trusting you enough for the big jobs? That you never get to go out with them and help? This is why. Because you do things like this, you fuck everything up Finn. Fuck!" I wiped away my tears, even though more spilled out."You know I've always stuck beside you, but this is the last straw Finn. I can't be with someone who doesn't want to put effort into their future."

"What are you saying? (Y/N), I can fix this. I promise I'll get the money back, I'll-"

"How? That took us so long to build that up. And you were spending our money almost every night on useless drinking. I can't Finn, I can't live like that anymore."

He ducked his head, and I almost wanted him to say something. When he didn't, I knew what I had to do.

I took a deep breath before speaking."I'm going home. I suggest you stay at Polly's tonight."

"Let me take you home-"

"No!"

"What's going on?" Tommy suddenly appeared, he, his brothers and Polly approaching.

"Your nephew, your brother, just gave away almost all of our money betting on a horse. Not only that, but he took the money without telling me. That was money for a house." I angrily explained.

"Is that true Finn?"

Finn shamefully nodded.

"We can get you your money back (Y/N)."

"It's not about that Tom. He's lied to me. He promised me he wouldn't spend our money every week, yet he did. And then he takes our money without asking me about it first."

"I'll fix it (Y/N), I promise I will." Finn was begging at this point.

"Another promise that you're bound to break. I've had enough today."

"Let's get you home love." Polly said, putting a stop to this argument as she stepped forward, taking me under her arm.

Finn didn't come home that night. I didn't sleep. I was sat at the tiny dining table, staring at the ring on my finger, wondering what to do. It broke my heart to think about leaving him, but it also broke my heart thinking about how reckless he had been. Did I really want to be marrying someone who acted like this? Would he mature? My heart wanted to believe he would, but my mind kept telling me that today confirmed he wouldn't. That was one of the worst nights of my life.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I couldn't stand this job any longer. But it was the only thing keeping me alive. It was crappy work, the pay was just above minimum, enough for me to buy food, pay my rent and have the tiniest amount left over. Saving up money was hard when it was just you. Even after two years, I didn't have enough to consider looking at places of my own, or with less roommates. It was exhausting keeping up with these girls I lived with, there were 6 of us altogether. It was a big change when I moved away from Small Heath.

"You ready (Y/N)?" one of my roommates called out to me as I finished applying my lipstick.

"Just a second!" I replied, checking myself in the mirror.

It was the rare occasion that I was going out with them, the one time we could all go out together at all. I was looking forward to a few drinks, and although that sounded hypocritical, I realised that I had to have a night or two in at least a month to relieve myself of the stress I put upon myself.

We arrived at the small club we always went to, it had the cheapest drinks this side of town. We all shivered in the cold weather, walking as fast as we could to make it to the club. The warmth was very welcome, as well as the loud music that drew us further in. It was the usual routine, a few of us grab a table, the others get the drinks in, then we would all make our way to the dance floor. Hours passed, and I had to get away from the heat coming from the dancing, stepping back towards our table to get a drink. I saw my roommate stumbling in the direction of the bar, rolling my eyes as I went to help her, perhaps getting a drink whilst I was there. However, once I got closer, I stared at the man she was starting to flirt with.

"Isaiah?" I said as I got closer.

"(Y/N)!" he smiled, bringing me in for a hug.

"You two know each other?" my roommate asked, looking disappointed.

"He's an old friend. Just that, nothing else."

Isaiah let me go."How long has it been? Two years?"

"Uh, yeah. Yeah, two years. What are you doing here?"

"Business. Nothing dangerous though, you girls are still in for a good night. Especially you if you're good." he winked to my roommate.

"Is he...is he here?" my voice suddenly went shaky, and I felt almost completely sober.

Isaiah's playful nature dropped."Uh, he is. He's really misses you (Y/N). Hasn't even looked at another girl since you left. He's just not been the same." I wasn't sure how to reply.

"I can't not tell him I saw you. Imagine if he found out, he would be so upset with me."

"I know. I wouldn't want to hurt your friendship."

"Maybe you should see him. It might do you both some good."

"Or the opposite."

"He still loves you. Even if you don't feel the same, it could bring closure. But I know you (Y/N), I can tell what you're thinking."

"You were always annoying like that."

"He's out front, in the corridor. That's all I'm going to say."

I looked at him for a few seconds, trying to make my mind up."Well, this one is a handful, just so you know."

"I think I can handle her." Isaiah smirked.

"I was warning her about you."

I giggled at his reaction, walking away and leaving him in his natural habitat of flirting. But as soon as I turned around, my stomach dropped, nerves filling up my entire body. He was here. I hadn't seen him for two years, though I thought about him everyday. Would he look different? Did I look different? What was he going to say? What was I going to say? My brain didn't want to think of any words, maybe I was about to babble absolute nonsense to him.

Upon seeing him, my throat tightened, the cool air slapping me in the face; oh, now I was sober. He hadn't noticed yet, leaning up against a wall, hands in his pockets. Wow, he had changed. His boyish charm was still there, yet he had matured into a handsome young man. It was like I was seeing him for the first time all over again. I was just happy that he would be seeing me in my finer clothes rather than catching me after work.

Urging my feet to move, I almost sighed at how small my steps were. I really was scared. Isaiah had said reassuring things, yet I couldn't even walk up to him. It was too late to back out now, especially when he finally looked up at me. I froze on the spot, not knowing what to do. Finn seemed the same way.

"(Y/N)." he said, I only just heard it.

"Hello."

Hello? Really, that's all I could come up with?

He pushed himself off the wall, coming to stand in front of me, though not too close."I...I can't believe you're here."

"I could say the same about you."

"This is where you've been living then."

I nodded."It's not too bad. I mean, I'm on a night out."

"Who are you with?"

I knew he was wondering if I was with a man."My roommates, I live with five other girls."

"Oh, that's a lot."

"Yeah, it's the only place I could afford."

"I hope it's nice."

"I shouldn't complain. A lot better than other places."

We both knew we were making an awful attempt at small talk. I was sure he had so much to say like I did, we just didn't want to dump it on each other in case the other ran away. It was like we were teenagers again, awkwardly trying to think of something to fill the dreaded silence.

"I really want to talk about us (Y/N)." Finn said.

"You do?"

"I...I just have so much to say to you. I can't do it now, but what about tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow? Tomorrow, um, yes, yes tomorrow works for me. It's the weekend, so I'm not working."

He smiled slightly."OK, good. I'll come get you. Um, I need your address."

"Oh, here." I dug around in my purse, thankful there was a folded up tissue and a pen, it was good to be prepared. I wrote down my address, handing it to him.

"I'll pick you up at one. I would want it to be earlier, you just never know what time you'll be back with this sort of thing."

"I understand Finn, I did live this with you once."

I barely slept, even when we stumbled in at three in the morning. Luckily I hadn't seen Finn, Isaiah or any other Peaky Blinder that evening, no doubt settling business behind the scenes. Despite the lack of sleep, I was wide awake the next morning, up before everyone else who were nursing their hangovers, trying on multiple outfits in a desperate attempt to look nice, but not as if I put too much effort in. The clock was rolling onto one o'clock, and my heart was beating much faster than usual. I was about to make my way downstairs when something glistened on my small vanity. Should I take it? Yes, I would.

Finn knocked on the door, and I waited a few seconds before opening it. We smiled as we greeted each other, not going in for a hug or kiss on the cheek, something I was worried about. That was the first hurdle jumped over.

"How was your evening?" Finn struck up a conversation as we walked further into town.

"Much better than yours I presume?" I smirked. He chuckled."Yeah, didn't exactly get to enjoy the music. Small fight, nothing we couldn't handle."

It was strange hearing about Blinder business again."Well I'm glad you're all safe."

"I thought we could go out for lunch, saw a nice place round here."

"Oh, that would be lovely."

"We don't have to, if you don't feel comfortable."

"No, no, no, it's not that. It's just a lovely thing for you to do."

We both bashfully smiled, luckily the restaurant was just around the corner. I had expected nothing less when we walked into the fancy place, not because I thought I deserved it, but because Finn wouldn't be seen anywhere else. His clothes were even more tailored now than they had been the last I saw him, indicating that the gang had been doing well, more money was coming in. We both immediately picked up our menus as we sat, hoping someone would speak first. Our eyes glanced over the top of them, it was as if we were on our first date again, only this time in a better establishment.

"You look beautiful." he said, still hiding part of his face.

"Thank you." I blushed.

"I'll never forget what you wore when I picked you up for our first date. That blue dress you just bought, with a matching purse, and those heels that you hadn't practiced walking in. Well, you used that as an excuse to latch into my arm all night."

I smiled, placing down my menu."It was a good plan, wasn't it? And I did struggle in those heels, I just didn't want to embarrass myself."

He copied me."I liked holding your hand all night."

"What a sweet sentiment."

"I mean it. And I mean this date. That didn't sound right, but...what I'm trying to say is that I want to make it all up to you."

"You do?"

"Yes! I really didn't expect you to leave. I mean I did, but I didn't want to believe that. I didn't want to believe that I had been so selfish that I couldn't even see how much I had hurt you."

“That was the hardest decision I ever made. Most days I battle with myself whether I made the right choice. All night I kept making deals with myself. If you came back, I would hear you out, and if it was good enough for me I would stay. But then you didn’t, so I said to myself ‘Give him another hour.’. An hour went by, and I said the same thing to myself. That went on for the whole evening until I found myself angrily packing my things. Even then, I sat by door on top of my suitcase for another hour or so.”

“I thought you just got up and left. I didn’t realise how long you waited for me.” he sighed into his hands.“I’m such a fucking idiot.”

I could tell he was full of regret. Although it sounded sadistic, I was glad that he was upset when reflecting on our past relationship, it meant he realised his mistake. On the other hand, I hated seeing him sad. I took his hands away from his face, hesitantly reaching into my handbag to pull out the engagement ring I kept.

His eyes widened.“You still have that? I looked everywhere for it when you left, guessed you took it to sell.”

“I won’t lie, that was my intention at first. But it meant too much to me. It was like selling a piece of my soul. I kept it hidden, I didn’t want to risk any of the girls seeing it, they would just ask too many questions.”

I kept my eye on the beautiful ring as I spoke, slowly twirling it around to catch it twinkling in the light.

"I had such a hard time picking that out. I knew what you wanted, but I had to get it right for you. I'm so glad you kept it."

"I did try to sell it. I was stood outside of a shop for ten minutes debating with myself. It would have helped a lot for the deposit on the room, but I couldn't do it."

We were silent, both staring at the ring. We used to do that a lot actually. Finn would take my hand and hold it up as we laid in bed together, both giggling as we watched it glisten like it was in present times, before squealing at the thought of us being married to each other. I constantly fiddled with it when he was off on business, a habit which never wore off, even now; whenever I was nervous or worried, I would automatically do the same action, just without the ring.

A waiter awkwardly interrupted us, and I hurriedly put the ring back in my bag, sharing an embarrassed smile with Finn as we ordered. Once he was gone, I quietly sighed, looking out of the window. We were in such a nice part of town, so many ladies in beautiful dresses and men in smart suits strolling around.

"Are you...are you OK for money?" Finn boldly asked.

I was a little shocked by that.

"I don't mean anything by it. I just want to make sure you're OK, I would hate for you to be struggling, if you were."

"Uh, no, no I'm fine actually. It's not as generous as my old wage but it keeps me alive, I can live with the bare necessities."

I could see him itching to say something else, to keep the conversation going. I wasn't sure if we could go back to the serious topic we had before. However, I also wanted to bring it back up, it felt like we needed to talk about us.

"How's the family?" That's all I could come up with.

"They're fine. Everyone is the same. Well, they're not, they're a bit more serious nowadays."

"They weren't in the first place?"

He smiled."I suppose they were. Tension is the right word, tensions have been rising. Tommy's taking on a lot more, Polly knows all these secrets that no one else does, Ada is rebelling against anything Tommy says, Linda is still annoying, Esme and John have been popping kids out left, right and centre. Arthur is still crazy."

"Sounds like business as usual to me."

"They miss you too."

"Do they?"

"Yeah. Almost as much as me."

I cast my eyes down as butterflies rose in my stomach.

"I heard nothing else for the next few weeks after you left. They all told me what an idiot I was, that I was an extremely reckless, stupid and immature boy, and that I had let the best thing in my life get away from me. And they were right. I knew all of that already."

"I...I don't really know what to say right now."

"You don't have to say anything, let's just enjoy this meal, no more of that talk."

The nerves making my stomach flip built at that. What if we had nothing else to talk about? What if it was too weird to dive into our separate lives? I didn't want to sit across my ex-fiance, painfully and politely smiling through forced conversation.

The spark was still there.

When the waiter had returned with our drinks, we were already deep in talk about what had been happening in our personal everyday life. We were non stop, even as we ate through dinner. The waiters had trouble catching our attention each time they checked on us. I was deep in those eyes again, the ones I always dreamed of seeing. We were laughing hysterically, not at all acting how we should have in that establishment (there were a few eye rolls from other patrons). As if time had gone by in a second, the bill was slipped towards Finn, though I still reached into my purse.

"Are you mad? No, put your money away, I'm not taking it." Finn stated as he carelessly threw down some notes, surprisingly taking my hand in his and guiding me out of the restaurant.

I was tense as we walked, and I saw a flash of realisation in Finn's eyes as we made it outside. Both looking down at our interlocked fingers, Finn broke away, clearing his throat.

"Sorry, force of habit."

Hesitating, I smiled up at him, lacing our hands together again."These are new heels I'm breaking in. Need help walking in them."

He chuckled, pulling me closer as we walked down the street. We were silent, feeling like kids in love again. I couldn't deny that my feelings were still strong for Finn, I missed him dearly. At first, part of me had been wary of all this, wondering if he really had good intentions, or just thought he could get a quick shag in from an ex before he left; but the effort he went through, the things we spoke about, trying to heal old wounds, Finn had matured and he was wanting to fix this. I wanted to fix this, my heart was aching for my old life with him.

“We’re not done yet, are we?” I timidly asked.

“Not unless you want it to be.”

I instantly shook my head.“No, I’d like to stay out for longer.”

“Even though you’re struggling in your heels?”

I smirked.“I know a nice place we can sit down.”

I took him to the local park, it had a huge lake with benches dotted around, luckily it wasn’t busy, there was somehow a hint of privacy here. We sat down close to each other, hands still entwined.

“You still hungry?” I asked.

“Hm?”

I dug into my purse, producing a bag of sweets I had bought the previous day. I laughed as his eyes lit up, taking one without even asking. I took one too, reminiscing on how we used to do the same thing as kids. It seemed he was thinking about it too.

“Just like the old days.” Finn said.

“We spent way too much money on sweets back then. It’s a wonder we still have our teeth.”

“Wish I got out of that spending habit. We could be married and in our new house by now.”

“So you never wanted to move on? You didn’t give in to those girls wanting to be with a Peaky Blinder?”

“Never. I couldn’t. I couldn’t even fathom being with anyone else, it was always you (Y/N). Did you date?”

“No, I felt exactly the same. Which is why I was angry at myself for a long time. I was supposed to be upset with you, not still in love.”

His head whipped round to face me.“You still love me?”

My mouth was still open, unsure how to answer. It seemed I didn’t have to as Finn leaned in, placing on hand on my cheek as we kissed. Instinctively I kissed back, placing my hands on him where I could, hearing the bag of sweets fall to the ground and spill its contents. This kiss was needy, the type of kiss you gave your partner when you had missed them, when they had been away for a long time; and although we had our hands on each other, our touch was still gentle.

“Get the ring.” Finn breathed out, our lips still almost touching.

I carelessly got it for him, heart beating extremely fast. He took it from me, pecking me on the lips one last time before standing up. He straightened out his suit, took a deep breath and got down on one knee. I was just as emotional the first time he did it.

“(Y/N), I know I messed up everything in the past, I was careless when I should have been supportive and helped to build our future. I learnt from those mistakes, and I really, really want to go back to how we were. I need you (Y/N), I love you so much. There aren’t enough words to express how much love I have for you. Will you marry me?”

I didn’t need to think about my answer. I blurted out a yes, waiting for him to slide the ring back on my finger before throwing myself onto him. We stumbled back onto the ground, our arms around each other as we laughed and cried. I believed him this time, I truly believed him. He put in the effort to show me his changes, he wanted to fix everything. I wanted things back to the way they were with my man, and we were back to building our future and living the rest of our lives together.

#finn shelby #finn shelby imagine #finn shelby x reader #finn shelby imagines #finn shelby one shot #finn shelby fanfic #finn shelby fan fic #finn shelby fanfiction #finn shelby fan fiction #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders one shot #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders fan fic #peaky blinders fanfiction #peaky blinders fan fiction

462 notes · View notes

hawksugarbaby · 3 years ago

Text

Kaminari x reader- Please stop talking!

Fluff

This was a disaster. Tinder had set you up with another trainwreck and you were starting to believe the tracks were broken at this point. They should have a "no crypto dudes" option for times like this because no, you do not care about dogecoin you just wanted to know what he did for work.

You felt bad for the waiter who'd seen you in this cafe 4 times this week dragging your hands down your face while you politely requested a hot chocolate and slice of (cake of choice) even though seconds before your date number 2 said "and for my date a low carb flapjack" which in turn prompted the waiter to ask what YOU wanted.

"Girl please save yourself the hassle" your golden haired waiter picked up your crumb coated plate and it clattered on top of the other dishes balancing on his tray. Your date stopped talking and looked at the waiter curiously.

"Sorry we were talking? You just interrupted us?" The guy across from you, Jack you think his name was, looks baffled and your waiter gently lets down the tray on an empty table and clasps his hands together.

"No sir, you're talking, she is not listening, and I'm just doing my job." He says and blinks slowly at your date.

"Well you will be getting a 1 star review for your rude customer service and no tip. Come on, we can go back to my place"

You shook your head realising they were waiting on an answer but you'd been staring out the window for 10 minutes. When did your waiter get here? "Hm?" You look between the two and your date stands up and rolls his eyes slapping his half of the bill on the table and walking past you to leave.

"ONE STAR"

"IT'S FINE WE DON'T CARE ABOUT REVIEWS FROM INCELS" your waiter shouts back and counts up his half.

"Wait what did I say?" You ask confused because you had been staring into space for so long that you'd convinced yourself it was a successful date. Maybe you had only heard what he was talking about an hour into it, but that first hour was mediocre.

"Nothing, that was his fault. Even other guests had began complaining about him"

"Oh I just tuned him out. I thought it was pretty successful compared to the other 3 though?" You counted out the rest of the bill and the tip for your wonderful as always waiter and handed it to him directly instead of rudely slamming it on the table. "Guess that's what I get for going on all these tinder dates huh" you sigh and start gathering up your bag.

"Sit down a minute will you" he pushes you back into the chair and sighs telling you he'd be back in 2 minutes. He piled the dishes into the sink and clocked out for his break unbuttoning the top 2 buttons of his shirt so he could breathe again. "I don't know what she sees in guys like that. Can't just tune people out forever" he sighs and sits across from you.

"What are you doing?" You tilt your head in confusion and he smiles sweetly.

"Going on a date with you. But I've only got half an hour so this has to be quick"

He leaned on his hands on the table and waited for you to ask a question. Was he being serious? He was handsome and sweet, you couldn't deny that. And you would love to fluff up his canary hair every morning before he went to work and learn how to make the cake from the bakery you were sitting in.

"O-okay? Um, what do you like to do in your spare time?"

"Well when I'm not working me and the boys play minecraft. We're currently building the largest minecraft penis in the world. We're hoping it'll get into the book of world records. But I also like going swimming, its a good sport"

You snickered at the comment about the minecraft penis but at least he wasn’t saying it to be inappropriate, it was just genuinely what he was doing.

"Swimming is good, I like (favourite sport) but honestly I'd rather lie in and cuddle in bed"

"You wanna cuddle already! My you're moving so fast but i could hardly decline"

He was so energetic and flirty. It was honestly soothing. Something about the change from boring men to genuine enjoyment was thrilling.

You tapped your chin and leaned in "we can cuddle if I get your phone number" pulling a pen out of your bag you slid it and a napkin across the table ignoring the hot chocolate stains on the edges because they weren't big enough to be in the way or to question why you kept the napkin anyway.

Your waiter smiled and scribbled down his phone number and finally you learned the rest of his name. "Denki huh? Great, I don't need to call you waiter kaminari for the rest of my life!" You giggled and wrote your name and number on the other end, ripping it off so he could take it home.

"And now the 'suffering romantic who visits work every week' has a name. (Y/n) (y/ln). A pretty name for a pretty face" he flirts making your face flush pink.

"Thanks." You checked the time and somehow half an hour had passed. "I better go. And you need to go back to work but uh, I'll text you! And maybe we can go out or something"

Kaminari smiles and stands up from the table to help you put your jacket on. You're both grinning ear to ear. It's ridiculous how half an hour already had you blushing and giggling. "Sure, I'll text you back. And I promise I won't talk about crypto"

You nod and walk to the frosted glass door giving a small wave goodbye.

But as soon as you had hopped on a bus your phone was out of your pocket and your thumbs danced across the keyboard forming a message hinting at a meal, somewhere different, maybe even a Mcdonalds?

And the video he sent back of doing the dishes singing to "we don't talk about bruno" but replacing bruno with crypto kept you smiling the entire bus ride home.

⊹ .˳⁺⁎˚ ˚⁎⁺˳. ⊹ ⊹ .˳⁺⁎˚ ꒰ఎ ☆ ໒꒱ ˚⁎⁺˳. ⊹ ⊹ .˳⁺⁎˚ ⊹ ⊹ .˳⁺⁎

74 notes · View notes

connordavidscamera · 3 years ago

Text

A Jealous Household | Connor Brashier

A/n: listen, I know it says y/n, but we all know it’s written about me, right? Okay, just wanna put that out there lol

Summary: Shawn and Brian want to have a party, but this party causes a few problems for Connor and y/n

Warnings: angst, underage drinking (for US standards, at least), pining

Word count: 7.5k, she’s a long one

***

“You want to have a party? When?” Y/n asks, closing her book and setting it in her lap.

“This weekend,” Shawn nods. “And it won’t be a big thing, I promise. Maybe fifteen, twenty people.”

“Thirty or forty, max,” Brian interjects.

I can’t help but laugh at that, neither can she as she says. “You know we can’t even fit thirty or forty people in the condo, right?”

“I know that, but that’s why we’ll have some of them in the backyard too.”

“So what’s the party even for?” She asks, leaning into my side. On instinct, I wrap my arm around her shoulders.

They both shrug, “A house warming party? Does that still count if we’ve lived here for almost two months?” Shawn questions.

She shrugs, “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t see why we couldn’t have one. We just have to be considerate of our neighbors. And nobody’s allowed in my room. If there’s alcohol, I’m not chancing anyone going into my room for a sloppy fuck.”

Shawn laughs, “So your sloppy fuck is gonna be in Connor’s room then?”

I roll my eyes at the comment. Shawn and Brian love to tease me about my crush on y/n. They have since the beginning. Shawn’s taunts are light hearted, but they’re plentiful now that we all live together. Brian’s at times feel almost malicious. But Brian also isn’t aware that I still have a crush on her, he thinks the feeling has passed. It definitely hasn’t. If anything, being in such tight quarters with her at all times has made me like her even more. Watching her move so effortlessly around our home - seeing her do her nightly routine, watching her polish her nails every Sunday like clockwork. I have undeniably fallen even deeper in love with her in just these few short weeks we’ve lived together and it’s killing me.

It’s killing me because we still haven’t talked about what she said to me a couple weeks ago when we were falling asleep together. I don’t even know if she remembers saying what she did. And I could have misinterpreted her words, I mean, she was falling asleep, her words were slurring. I could have misunderstood. At least, that��s what I’ve been telling myself every time the memory pops into my head. Which is about six times a day for the past three weeks.

Y/n gasps and tosses her book at him, "Asshole!"

He laughs, picking the book up off the floor from where it ricocheted off his chest. "I'm kidding. Kidding. But it's cool?"

She shrugs, "Yeah, whatever. Go nuts."

"Yes!" Shawn pumps his fist in the air before high fiving Brian.

"We gotta get alcohol."

"Ah, wait. Before you two go broke buying drinks for the party, remember that we have bills to pay. So save us all a headache and make it BYOB."

Brian snaps and points at her with a click of his tongue. "This is why we keep you around."

She laughs, "Oh is that why?"

"Indeed," he nods.

"Okay, well can I have my book back, please?"

"Yeah, here," Shawn leans over the coffee table to hand it to her before disappearing to his room, Brian heading to the kitchen.

"What's wrong?" I ask, not looking up from my phone. I can sense that the wheels are turning in her head and she sighs dramatically.

"I don't remember which page I was on."

I force myself not to laugh. "243."

“Hmm?” She flips to that page and looks up at my side profile. “How’d you know that?”

I shrug, “I always memorize the page you’re on before you close the book, just in case.”

She smiles sheepishly and presses a kiss to my shoulder. “You’re cute,” she whispers before turning her attention back to the page in front of her and resting her head in the crook of my neck.

I squeeze her shoulder hoping she doesn’t look up and notice the growing blush on my cheeks, “You’re cuter.”

---

“Do you have any idea who’s coming to this?” Y/n asks as we move a cooler out to the backyard.

I shake my head, “Not really. I think Matt and his girlfriend, honestly, I have no idea. It’s Shawn, so there’s bound to be more people than we’re anticipating.”

“Lots of girls then.”

“Why do you say that?” I ask, setting the cooler down, providing her with my undivided attention (which she has always had).

“He’s making a name for himself out here. Playing a few more gigs than at home. I noticed at the last one, he’s got a few groupies.”

I chuckle, “Oh really?”

She nods, “There were like five girls there just holding onto his every word. It was actually pretty cool to watch. But he got nervous. Started fidgeting with his necklace, so I had to get him out of there, which of course resulted in death glares from his adoring fans.”

“What? What do you mean? Death glares towards you?”

Y/n laughs, fixing the collar of her shirt that’s falling off her shoulder. “Yeah. I think they thought there was more there than there is,” she shrugs, “And if looks could kill, I would be dead five times over.”

I shake my head, I don’t like that thought, and I say as much. “I don’t like that thought.”

“What? Shawn having groupies?”

“No, girls staring daggers at you because you’re friends with him.”

“It’s not a big deal.”

I know it’s not, but the thought of someone not liking her is appalling to me. “I still don’t like it.”

“Is it because if something happened to me you’d be left to live alone with Shawn and Brian? Because that would make me sad too.”

I force a laugh, “That, and I’d be bored without you.”

She nods understandingly, “I get it. I am the light of your life,” she teases.

You are, I think to myself. “Yeah, yeah,” I say instead, stepping forward, wrapping my arm around her waist. “Let’s get inside, it’s hot as hell out here.”

Shawn and Brian are sitting on the floor in front of the TV, trying to get the wifi hooked up to it. We barely got wifi installed at the beginning of the week, but we’ve all been so busy, we haven’t had the chance to get everything hooked up to it.

“It’s not working!” Brian complains, throwing his hands up in frustration.

“Well try again! That’s what the router says.” Shawn counters back.

“Let me see that,” Brian snatches the router out of his hands. “Dumbass! You’re reading me the product number! Not the fucking password!”

Y/n and I hide our faces to keep from bursting into a fit of laughter, but we both break when Shawn pouts when Brian puts the router back in his hands after successfully connecting the TV.

“Oh, what’s with the pouty face, rockstar?” y/n asks.

“Brian’s a dick,” he mutters, which causes Brian to punch his shoulder.

“Ow!” Shawn exclaims, reaching to hold his arm. “That hurt!”

“It was supposed to. Want me to do it again?”

“Craigen,” y/n shakes her head and before I can protest, she’s out of my grasp and I suddenly feel lonely without her body next to mine. “No more fighting.”

“Just one time in the face,” he tries to reason. “Just once. Come on, it’s a long time coming. I’ve wanted to punch him in the face since we were kids.”

“No,” she squats down behind Shawn, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, leaning her head against his. I watch Shawn fall into her touch and I’m envious of him. Even though she holds onto me in the exact same way, almost daily, she isn’t right now and it makes me long for it. Especially when I watch her start to massage his scalp and he hums because her head scratches feel like you’re in heaven. “You can’t punch him in the face. That’s the money maker,” she squishes his cheeks with her free hand and speaks in a mock baby voice, “And if he’s got a black eye how will he charm girls with his pretty face tonight?”

Shawn laughs and pushes her hand away, but he reaches back and pats her calf. “Sit down,” he says and she obliges, her legs spreading and bracketing Shawn’s. He falls back into her and takes her hand that was just squeezing him and brings it to his lips to kiss her knuckles before bringing it to his hair as well. “More head scratches.”

She rolls her eyes, but continues anyway. “So fucking needy.”

He hums, “Could fall asleep like this.”

She hums too and looks up at me with a smile that melts my heart, “Connor does all the time.”

I nod, “I do. Feels good. Your hands are magic.”

“How magic? Like you could get me off in three seconds?”

“Brian!” I growl. Yep, we can always count on him to ruin the mood.

But y/n’s laughing, “I’m sure I could, I mean, if you ask your first girlfriend, you only last five so I don’t think it’ll be difficult,” she answers.

Shawn’s hysterical in y/n’s arms, as am I as I fall to the floor, clutching my stomach. But Brian? Brian is livid.

“I can’t believe she told you that! She said she wouldn’t tell anyone!”

This only makes Shawn and I laugh harder. “Wait, did that actually happen?” I ask between fits. “Craigen, come on,” I groan when he’s silent. “Five seconds?”

“It was our first time!”

“And last, apparently,” y/n comments.

“Shut up!” he groans. “Fuck, I can’t stand you.”

She nods, “I know.”

“No, but seriously, when did she tell you that?”

Y/n breaks out into a wide grin. “She didn’t. But you just did. Thanks for that.”

He’s speechless. Absolutely speechless. And his face is so red; I don’t know if it’s in anger or embarrassment, but either way, Shawn pipes up. “Hey, if it makes you feel any better, my first time I only lasted like twenty seconds.”

“I lasted fifteen,” I confirm, but I immediately regret it when y/n’s face morphs into one of confusion.

Oh, oh fuck. I never told her that I-

“Wait, you’ve had sex?”

“You didn’t know?” Shawn questions, looking back at her.

She shakes her head, “I guess not.”

I sigh and scratch the back of my head, “Yeah. It was… during that time where we weren’t really talking,” I mumble.

She nods slowly, scoffing, and I can’t quite pin her emotion, but it’s definitely a cross between anger and… is that jealousy? “Ah, good ol’ McKenzie,” she mutters under her breath. She exhales deeply out her nose and focuses her attention back to playing with Shawn’s hair.

“I would have told-”

“We weren’t talking. I know,” she cuts me off. “And it’s none of my business. It wasn’t then, and it’s not now either.”

“Oh, right. Okay,” I nod once. “New subject.”

---

We’re tiptoeing around each other the rest of the day. Or more so, I’m tiptoeing around her. She somehow is coming off as completely unbothered, but at the same time completely bothered. I don’t know what to make of this situation. I don’t know if I should apologize for not telling her, or if she even wants me to apologize. I don’t know and it’s killing me not knowing what I can do to make this better for us tonight.

I’m helping Brian pour more ice into the cooler we have in the kitchen when she walks out of her room. “Where’s Shawn?” she asks.

I look up at her and my heart stops for a moment. She’s wearing red, my heart never knows what to do when she wears that color. Does it stop? Does it speed up? Yes.

“He went to his car to get the beer we got this afternoon,” Brian answers, closing the lid.

SHe nods, “I’ll go help him.”

I watch as she leaves, not taking a full breath until the door shuts behind her.

“She still mad at you?”

I shake my head, “I don’t know. I don’t even know if she is mad at me.”

“Well, it’s y/n. You kept something from her for almost three years. I’m willing to bet she’s a little upset.”

I sigh, “Yeah, I know. But I mean, how was I supposed to tell her. She would barely even look at me during that time, so -”

“Yeah, because McKenzie was a bitch to her. How was she supposed to look at you when she was practically threatened or called out or god know what when you weren’t listening. I’d hate to know what she actually said when none of us were there to listen.”

I exhale deeply. I know my ex was the worst to her - she’s the entire reason y/n and I weren’t talking. She told me not to hang out with her as much, so I didn’t (also because I was trying to prove to Brian that I didn’t have feelings for y/n anymore. That was a mistake.) “So, I should apologize.”

Brian shrugs, “We all know you’re gonna apologize. You can’t stand it when she’s mad at you. Honestly, we can’t either. We have no idea what to do when you two aren’t talking. And since we all live together now, it’ll be even more awkward for you two to not talk.”

I nod, “Yeah. I know. I’ll apologize later. You should go get ready. I can finish up out here.”

Brian claps my shoulder, “Thanks, man. I’ll be quick.” He disappears at the same time Shawn and y/n walk in the front door with the drinks. I make my way over to them.

“Here, let me get that for you,” I tell her, reaching to take the cases from her hands.

“Oh, it’s okay. I got it. You want these inside or out, rockstar?”

“In the fridge, in the back. Gotta keep the good stuff for us.” Shawn hands me a pottle of vodka, “Put this in the freezer? I got it for y/n, I’m gonna make her a new drink.”

“You’re gonna risk giving her alcohol poisoning?” I question, raising one eyebrow at him.

He rolls his eyes, “I’ve gotten better at making drinks, dickhead.”

I laugh and hold my hands up in surrender, “Alright, sure.”

“I’m gonna put these in my room for now, and then I’m gonna get ready.”

“Brian’s in the shower, you can use my bathroom,” I say as y/n moves past us to the kitchen.

“Good looking out, thanks.”

And now it’s just me and her. It’s like any normal day. So why is my heart beating so quickly?

I watch her move some things around in the fridge to make room for the drinks, and I can’t help but smile. “You look pretty tonight,” I tell her, leaning against the counter.

She looks over at me and smiles softly, “Thanks.”

I clear my throat, “Hey, y/n?”

“Hmm?” she turns her attention back to her task at hand.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she asks, closing the fridge.

“For not telling you that I slept with her.”

“Oh,” she nods. “It’s fine. It really is not any of my business who you have and haven’t slept with.”

“Well maybe not, but you are my best friend, and we tell each other everything. I know if we were on better terms when you were dating Noah, you would have told me that you-”

“I didn’t tell you because we didn’t sleep together.”

“What?” I stare at her with wide eyes.

“Noah and I didn’t sleep together.”

“But I thought-”

“You assumed. But no, it didn’t happen. I wasn’t ready. I mean, I barely let him kiss me, so how the hell was I gonna sleep with him?”

I nod because I don’t know what else to do or even say. She’s right, I just assumed that they had sex because he always had his hands all over her. I almost scoff at the thought. I hated watching him hold her in the hallway, his hands in her back pockets as he pulled her closer to him. Seeing them together everyday made my heart clench every time because it should have been me. I wonder if that’s how she felt when I had a girlfriend.

“Look, it doesn’t matter, okay? So, let’s just drop it. It’s not like I’m mad you had sex, I was just surprised to find out this way, that’s all.”

“Yeah, I get it. And I would have told you sooner, but there really was never a time, you know? And it was just with her a couple times, nothing since.”

“Connor, you really don’t need to explain it to me. Actually, if we could just stop talking about her all together, that’d be great.”

“No, yeah. Of course. It’s dropped.”

She nods, “Okay, good. So, you should go get dressed.”

“What do you mean? I’m wearing this,” I gesture to my torn t-shirt and my sweatpants with paint stains up and down the legs from when we painted the living room a few weeks ago. I’m totally joking, but I want to see her reaction anyway.

She looks me up and down and scoffs, “Yeah, no. Go change. You’re not wearing that.”

I pout dramatically, “Why not?”

“One, those pants are a mess. Two, you know you run hot when you drink, so why would you wear sweatpants? And three, that shirt is literally falling apart. You are not wearing that, go change.”

I can’t fight the smile that tugs at my lips because just like that we’re back to normal. “Okay, I’m going. Do you have something you’d like for me to wear?”

“Yes, your black pants with the white tank top and your peachy cream shirt. The one you wore for our graduation party.”

I nod, “Yes, ma’am. You wanna do my hair?”

“Come find me when you’re done, and I’ll see what I can do.”

---

I’m talking to my friend Will out in the backyard as the party becomes bigger than anticipated. Yeah, definitely called that situation.

“Bro, I wish I would have saved up more so I could have gotten a place like you guys did. I emailed my roommate last week to see what he wanted to get for the dorm and he straight up said, ‘I don’t plan to be roommates long, so nothing.’”

I can’t help but laugh, “Hey, we’d take you in over Brian, but he’d throw a bitch fit.”

He laughs too, twisting the cap off his beer. “So what’s it like living with y/n? Everything good?”

“Yeah, everything’s great. She knows how to run a household. She made a chore chart that goes on the fridge. Shawn had to beg her to take it down for the party because he was embarrassed.”

“Sounds like y/n. But that’s not what I meant.”

I take a swig of my beer and shrug, “There’s nothing else to say really. She’s nice to live with.”

“No progression between you two.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Right, right. Because you’re not in love with her, right.”

“Will, come on. Not tonight.”

“Okay, okay. I get it. We’re not in a teasing mood tonight.”

Or ever. Will is a great friend of mine, and I would take a bullet for him, but he asks me for y/n updates every time we’re together, and I never have any for him. When I told him we were moving in together, he was stoked, but less so when I told him we were moving with Shawn and Brian too.

He - like Shawn - is an avid supporter of us getting together. Will found out about my so-called crush one night in high school, actually a couple weeks after my breakup with McKenzie. Y/n and I still weren’t talking. I was trying to mend things and she was trying to push me further away. I don’t remember much of the night he found out because I got shit faced drunk, but I somehow admitted to him that I had feelings for her and he’s convinced himself that he knows the biggest secret in the world. He treats it like he holds the key to the universe. If anyone wants us together more than I do, it’s him.

“Just don’t want to risk her hearing anything,” I tell him. “I already made things awkward earlier.”

“What? How?”

I shake my head, “Let it slip that Kenz and I slept together.”

He blanches. “She didn’t know?!”

I shake my head, “No. I never found the right time to tell her. But she keeps saying it isn’t her business, so I don’t know if that means she’s hurt by it or if I’m imagining it because right now it seems like she doesn’t really care. But - I don’t know, I want her to, I guess.”

He smirks, “She cares.”

“I don’t know,” I mutter, looking inside, lifting my bottle up to my lips, but halting when I see her standing near the sliding glass door with - “Oh, you have got to be fucking kidding me.”

“What?” Will asks, turning toward the door. “What hap - is that? Wait, is that Noah? What is he doing here?”

My jaw clenches, just like the grip around the bottle in my hand. “Better question, why the hell is he so close to her?”

Will sucks in a breath, “Are they still friends?”

I don’t answer him because I don’t know. I’m 99% sure they aren’t, but that 1% that says yes is simply because I’m watching them right now and she’s hugging him and letting him kiss her cheek before he pulls away. “I didn’t think they were. She hasn’t brought him up since the breakup.”

I don’t take my eyes off them as I start chugging the rest of my beer. It was still pretty full, but at this moment, I need to finish it because I need something stronger.

“I’m gonna go get a drink,” I mutter, tossing my bottle in the trashcan near the cooler. I walk inside, but neither of them notice me. I shake my head and walk to Shawn’s room where he hid most of the hard stuff. I find the bottle of tequila that he stashed because he knew if he put it out, it’d go fast. I twist the top off and take, maybe a little more than a shot. I cough into my elbow when I pull the bottle back because wow he got the strong stuff.

Shaking my head, I close the bottle back up and sneak out of Shawn’s room. When I enter the living room, they’re still standing there talking. Or, he’s talking, she’s nodding at something he’s saying. I click my tongue and walk into the kitchen to grab another beer. SHould I be mixing my alcohol? No, I should not. Is that going to stop me? No, it is not.

My girl’s ex-boyfriend is over there talking to her and touching her like they’re best buds and I can’t stand it. I can’t stand him.

I still remember the day she told us that she was going on a date with him.

All four of us are sitting in our usual booth at the diner, everything seems to be going like it always has. Just us four, laughing and making our weekend plans. The difference though is that y/n and I aren’t sitting shoulder to shoulder right now. She’s pushed against the window, and I’m toward about as far left as I can get without it being noticeable, or falling.

“So, we’re aiming for Saturday afternoon, right? Y/n, you’ll ride with me?” Shawn asks.

“Oh,” she sits up straight, “um, could we maybe do it on Sunday instead? I kind of already have plans on Saturday.”

“What?” Brian furrows his brows, “Without us?”

She nods, “Yeah,” she takes in a sharp breath beside me. “I um… I kinda, I have a date.”

At that exact moment, our heads whip in her direction - I’m pretty sure if I turned any faster I would have given myself whiplash.

“A date?” I ask as calmly as I can.

“With who?” Shawn questions.

She shrugs, “You know that guy Noah? I have him in like all of my AP classes? He asked me out after class this morning.”

I don’t think I can clench my jaw any harder. Noah. I hate him. I’ve never personally met him, but I hate him. “Cool,” I mutter, turning my head back to the table to reach for my drink.

“Well?” Shawn prompts. “What are you gonna do? Where is he taking you?”

She clasps her hands in her lap and shrugs again. “I don’t know. He hasn’t told me. Said he wanted it to be a surprise.”

“Ooh, romantic,” Brian teases.

“You hate surprises,” I mumble into my cup.

Y/n clears her throat and shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “It’s just one date. Not a big deal.”

“Okay, sure,” Brian says. “So Sunday then?”

“And you’ll tell us all about it?”

“Sure.”

There are very few times that I wish I was deaf, but that day was one of them. I didn’t sleep that whole night. I couldn’t. And the night of her date? Forget it. I was up all night wondering what was happening. Did he hold her hand? Did he hug her? Did that bastard take her first kiss? The first kiss that was supposed to belong to me?

And right now, as I watch him reach for her elbow again, I decide, fuck it. I don’t care if I look like a jealous asshole, I’m taking my girl away from him. I stride over to them and place my hand on her hip, “Hey, baby. Can you help me find the bottle opener? I can’t remember what drawer you put it in the other day, and I think my eyes are failing me.”

She shakes her head, “Um, yeah. It should be in the drawer closest to the fridge.”

“I checked there, please, come help me look.”

She rolls her eyes and turns back to Noah who is staring daggers at my hand on her hip. I smirk. “Noah, it was good catching up with you. I’ll find you later. I’m gonna help him out.”

He looks back up at her and forces a smile, “Sure. Sounds good. Save me dance?”

Over my dead body. “Come on, baby,” I say, guiding her toward the kitchen.

She steps in front of me, mumbling a couple excuse me’s to the people blocking the kitchen. Then she b-line’s to the drawer closer to the fridge, which I definitely did not check because I wasn’t really looking for the bottle opener. I just needed an excuse to get her away from Noah.

“Here,” she holds it out to me. “Wait, I thought Shawn got twist tops.” She takes the bottle from my hand and laughs, “Bub, it twists off.” She says, taking the cap off the bottle.

“Oh,” I chuckle. I knew it was a twist top, again, I just needed an excuse to get her away. “Whoopsies?”

She puts the bottle opener back in the drawer and leans against the counter. “You having fun?”

I shrug, “I’m alright. So um… Noah’s here.”

Y/n nods slowly, “Yeah, he is.”

“Kinda weird that he showed up after we just talked about him,” I mutter.

“Yeah, I guess. He just tagged along with one of his friends.”

I nod, “Mhm. You two looked pretty cozy.”

“Excuse me?”

“Nothing. Just, I mean, I haven’t heard you talk about him since the breakup,” I take a sip of the beer in my hand. “I didn’t realize you two were still so close.”

She tilts her head at me, “We’re not. We were just catching up. He didn’t know that I lived here too.”

“Uh-huh, so you haven’t talked to him recently?”

She scoffs, crossing her arms over her chest. “What’s with the third degree, huh?”

“You didn’t answer my question,” I mutter.

“No, Connor. I haven’t talked to him recently. In fact, I haven’t talked to him since the breakup. But what does that matter? Why does it matter who I do and do not talk to?”

“I just think it’s a little strange that he came here tonight.”

“Well, I didn’t invite him, if that’s what you’re insinuating. He came with a friend. He didn’t even know it was our party, or our house. He just showed up.”

“So he crashed it. Classy.”

“What is your deal?” She pushes herself off the counter and stands face to face with me, her forehead creasing as she glares at me. I want to smooth the crease and tell her not to do that because she’ll get a headache, but I refrain.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Please,” she scoffs, “you’re acting like a jealous boyfriend! Newsflash, Connor, you’re not my boyfriend.”

I recoil, because sure I know I’m not, but the words spew from her lips like venom. “I know that.”

“Do you? Because right now it doesn’t seem like you do. Now unless I completely missed the part where you asked me to be your girlfriend, you have no right to be upset over me talking to my ex-boyfriend.”

“He was an ass to you then.”

“How would you know?! We weren’t even talking then.”

“Because you didn’t want to! I was still trying to fix things with us but you were pushing me away.”

“No, I wasn’t pushing you away. I was protecting myself from getting hurt again.”

“But it wasn’t me, that was Kenzie, and -”

She groans in frustration, “Why are we talking about her again? Why? I can’t do this.”

“Do what?”

Y/n pinches the bridge of her nose. “Look, you’re my best friend, and I love you. But you have no right to be upset about Noah. You are not my boyfriend -”

“Why do you keep saying that?”

“Because you aren’t! You like to act like you are sometimes, but you’re not.”

“Do you want me to be?!” I exclaim, setting my bottle down.

She scoffs, shaking her head. “Not like this,” she says quietly, pushing past me.

“Y/n!” I call after her, but she ignores me. I, however, can’t ignore the eyes that are on me.

---

“He’s jealous?” Alessia asks, leaning back on her hands. We’re sitting on the grass in the backyard. It’s quieter out here, and far less crowded. “Does he even have a right to be?”

“That’s what I’m saying! He’s my best friend, but sometimes he acts like he’s my boyfriend and I just - I’m over it.”

She sighs, “You’re over him acting like your boyfriend.”

“Yes,” I say.

“Because you want him to actually be your boyfriend.”

“What? No! No,” I shake my head, “that’s not it.”

Les smiles, “Honey, it’s obvious the way you two look at each other. And you can deny it because you’re best friends, you live together. You don’t want to risk the integrity of the friendship that you have. And that is totally reasonable, but you two need to discuss what you are to each other. Because it’s clear that in his mind, you’re a little bit more than just ‘best friends.’ And well, you’ve always wanted to be more, so what’s so wrong with him being that?”

I sigh and pick at the grass beside me, “I don’t know if he feels this way genuinely or if it’s because I’m closer now. We live together, it seems almost easy or convenient for him to develop some tiny crush because of the proximity.”

At this she laughs, “Oh, honey. That is definitely not it.”

“How do you know?”

“Because that boy has been in love with you since before I even met you guys. It’s written all over his face and if you took a second to just stop and -”

“Hey, sorry to interrupt, guys,” Shawn says, breathlessly, pushing his curls out of his face. “Y/n, Connor’s drunk off his ass, and I need your help”

I sit up, “Okay, How much did he drink?”

“Like, the entire bottle of tequila I had in my room, plus however many beers he had.”

I stand up, swatting at the backs of my legs to get off any dirt, “Is he throwing up?”

“No, he’s just asking for you.”

I nod and look back to Alessia, “We’ll talk later, Les?”

“Mhm, go take care of your boy.”

“Why did he drink so much?” I ask Shawn, following him toward the sliding glass door.

He shrugs, “I asked him. He said you were mad at him.”

I roll my eyes, “Well yeah, he was being an ass. But it still doesn’t make sense.If he drinks every time I get upset with him, he’d be an alcoholic ”

“All I know is that he was asking for you,” Shawn says just as we find Connor sitting outside my bedroom door, nursing another beer bottle.

I shake my head, “God, he knows not to be switching between alcohol.”

“Connor, buddy?” Shawn says, squatting down next to him. “I got her. Why don’t you give me that beer, eh?” He goes to take it from his hands, but Connor’s quick to move it, spilling a bit of it on his shirt in the process.

“No, this is mine. Get your own,” he slurs

I sigh and squat down next to him, too. “I think you’ve had enough, bub. Come on, let me have it.”

He looks at me with heavy eyes and he pouts, dramatically. “Y/n… you’re so pretty.”

“Connor,” I shake my head.

“I love you in red. God, you look so good. Could never get,” he hiccups, “tired of looking at you.”

I blush, looking over at Shawn who’s still sitting with us. “Okay, come on. Let’s get up. We need to get you to bed.”

He nods slowly, “Whatever you want, baby.”

I take the drink out of his hand and set on the floor beside us. “Shawn, help me get him up.”

Shawn nods, “You got it.” He does most of the heavy lifting, but when Connor’s on his feet, he leans into me, hugging my waist, burying his head in my neck.

“I’m so sorry, y/n. So sorry.”

“I know, come on now. We’re going to your room.”

He groans into my skin, but helps me and Shawn take him to his room as best as he can, only stumbling once when we round the corner. We push his bedroom door open and walk further into the room, plopping him down on the bed.

“Thanks, Shawn. I got it from here.”

“You sure?”

I nod, moving to grab his trash can from next to his desk. “Yeah, we’re good. Thanks for coming to get me.”

He nods, “Of course. Come get me if you need anything else.”

Connor groans as Shawn slams the door shut behind him. I sigh and move around the room, turning on his bedside lamp and going to his desk chair where his outfit from earlier is laid out. “Okay, bub, I’m gonna need you to help me out, alright? I need you to get out of your clothes, I’m gonna put you in pajamas, okay?”

He shakes his head, his pout even heavier than usual, eyes struggling to stay open. “Too tired. You do it.”

I close my eyes, taking in a deep breath. Of course he’s gonna be difficult right now. I shake my head, throwing his clothes beside him, “Can you stand up?”

He mumbles something incoherent, but I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere along the lines of “The room is spinning.”

“Fuck, Connor, why did you drink so much?” I grumble, moving to the floor to take his shoes off.

“You’re mad at me,” he whines.

“Yes, I am. You know your limits. What were you gonna do if this didn’t happen at the house, hmm?”

“M’sorry.”

I roll my eyes, “Okay, sit up,” I reach for his hands to help pull him to a sitting position.

He makes an unnecessary amount of groaning sounds as he moves around to accommodate me.

I push his shirt off his shoulders, it’s almost damp, he’s sweating so much. I throw it to the side, I’ll put it in the laundry room when I go get him some pain meds in a little bit. I take hold of the hem of his tank top, “Arms up,” I pat his side and he obliges, looking up at me with a sad smile on his lips. “What’s wrong?” I ask him, tossing his tank top off to the side too.

“I’m sorry I got mad earlier. About Noah.”

I shake my head, “It’s fine. Lay back, lift your hips for me.”

He lays back, but his pout still remains on his face as I lean forward to unbutton his pants.

“What now?” I question softly, pulling down his zipper, “Hips up.”

He’s looking at me with such sad eyes and it’s killing me. “This isn’t how I wanted you to undress me for the first time.”

My breath hitches, “What?”

“Wanna make love to you,” he slurs.

I almost choke on his words, “Connor, you’re drunk,” I shake my head, pulling his pants off him and grabbing his sweats to pull up his legs instead. I decide to forgo the shirt because he’s already sweating a lot, I don't want to make him even hotter. “You don’t know what you’re saying. I’m gonna go get you some water and pain meds. Stay here.” I move the trash can closer to him, “The trash is right next to you if you feel like you’re gonna get sick.

I pick up his discarded clothes from the floor and walk to the door and out the room before he can say anything else he doesn’t mean. After tossing them in the hamper in the laundry room, I squeeze past the group of people still congregating in the hallway. I slip into my room and grab some of my pain meds from my book bag and quickly slip out again to head to the kitchen which is also crowded. I mumble out a general excuse me, and go to the fridge to grab Connor a bottle of water.

On my way back, I stop and go to his bathroom which is thankfully empty, and grab a hand towel and wet it under the faucet to hopefully cool him down a bit. When I’m back in his room, he’s laying face down on his bed and I stop for a minute, admiring his smooth skin, and the way the muscles in his shoulders tense up when he moves his arm above his head. It’s not fair. No one man should look this good.

I shake my head, focusing back on the task at hand. I close the door behind me gently. “Okay, Connor. I need you to sit up just one more time to take these pills and then you can go to bed, yeah?”

He groans, “I think I drank too much, baby,” he mumbles, pushing himself up and I'm once again in awe of how his muscles move with him.

I scratch at my scalp and nod, holding out the pills for him. “Yeah, I think you did, too.” He takes them in his hand and I sit next to him, uncapping the water bottle before handing it to him as well.

“Thank you,” he hiccups.

“You’re welcome.” I look down at my hands as he takes the pills. He goes to hand me the water bottle back but I shake my head, “You need to drink it all. We’re trying to avoid a hangover.”

He just holds the bottle in his lap, not moving to drink anymore of it, so I look back up at him only to find him already staring at me.

“You okay?” I ask.

He hums and reaches forward. He runs his thumb under my eye, “You got an eyelash. I got it,” he mumbles, but he keeps his hand cradling the side of my face.

My eyes search his tired ones, they’re glossed over, but they always get that way when he drinks, making his eyes seem just a little more blue than green.

“Have I told you tonight that you look pretty?” he asks quietly.

“Multiple times,” I confirm.

“Good, because you are… so, so pretty.”

I lick my lips and watch his eyes move from my eyes to my lips and back. I take in a shallow breath as he starts to lean closer. His eyes closed as his face inches toward mine. I push him back gently just before his lips have the chance to connect with mine, and I mean just before because I could feel his breath against my mouth. “What are you doing?” I question.

“I was… I was trying to kiss you. Did you, I thought you wanted to - when we were laying in bed a couple weeks ago, you said you wanted me to kiss you.”

“Well, I… Connor,” I shake my head. I didn’t think he heard me when I said that. “Not like this. Not tonight. Not when you’re drunk and not thinking clearly.” I stand up, pacing slowly in front of him. “If you’re gonna kiss me, I want you to be sober, and to actually want to do it. Not just because we got in a fight earlier. I don’t want this to be something you do now and then completely forget about or ignore, or fuck, even worse, regret in the morning. I don’t want that. I don’t deserve that. I don’t deserve to be led on by you again.”

“Again?” He asks, tilting his head at me.

“Nevermind. I should go back out there, start cleaning up so it’s not so much tomorrow.”

“Wait, y/n, please. Stay here, please. Stay with me tonight.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I won’t try anything, I promise. Please, just stay?”

I sigh, “Just until you fall asleep.”

---

It’s nearing eleven in the morning when Shawn finally retreats from his room. He’s not nearly as hungover as I bet the other boys are going to be. If he’s even hungover at all, he doesn’t seem to be.

He leans against the counter, watching me pull my second batch of cookies from the oven. “You’re stress baking,” he observes.

I scoff, “I made muffins too,” I nod in the direction of the counter in front of him where a plate of blueberry muffins sits.

“Ooh,” he reaches forward and takes one, “Not that I like when you’re stressed, but this my favorite of your coping mechanisms.”

“For purely selfish, I presume.”

“Of course,” he says around a mouthful of muffin. “So,” he says after he swallows. “Does this sudden urge to bake have anything to do with what happened last night with Connor?”

I tense up at the memory of Connor leaning in to kiss me. Me pushing him away. “Maybe.”

“So what did happen after I left you two?”

“Nothing,” I shake my head.

“Well, the glorious smell of our kitchen and the spotless living room say otherwise.”

I close my eyes and rub my hands over my face. “He, god, he tried to kiss me.”

“What?” Shawn chokes.

“Shh! You’ll wake them.”

“Oh please, Brain will be asleep until five. Nothing will wake him. He kissed you?! Well, how was it?”

“I said he tried. As in, I didn’t let him. I pushed him away before he could.”

“Why? Don’t you want him to?”

“Of course! But not like that! Not when he’s drunk and not himself. WHen he’s saying stupid things like he wants to make love to me, and that he wishes I was undressing him for the first time under different circumstances.”

“What? He said all of that?! Oh my god! Go, Connor!”

“No, not go Connor. Because he’s not going to remember any of this when he wakes up and I’m going to remember everything and have to pretend that he didn’t say anything or try to kiss me. And I’m stuck being led on once again, except this time he lives just down the hall and I have to see him everyday.”

Shawn sighs, “Okay, you’re right. So, what are you going to do?”

“Same thing I always do.”

He nods, “I’ll get my guitar.”

***

Permanent tag: @soyalimoncada-blog @magcon7280 @fallinallincurls @goldenflickerx @myyohmyuohmyy @harry-hollands @enchantingbrowneyedgirl @baroness-alison @lostinmendess @linanilssonfurberg @luvluvxx @mariamuses @shawnieeboyy @divinginfearlessly @mendesficsxbombay @shawnsthighs @zaahidahhh @lordescomeback @shawnandconnor @shawnsblue @turtoix @honestlyimstilllivinginthe90s @gangofhoes @verlaneswiftie13

#connor brashier #connor brashier x y/n #connor brashier x reader #connor brashier fanfiction #connor brashier imagine #connor brashier imagines #connor brashier blurb #shawn mendes #shawn mendes fan fiction #Shawn Mendes Imagine

150 notes · View notes