#I also fear i’m going insane
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read the maze runner books for answers after watching the movies and now after finishing those I fear I only have more questions
#I also fear i’m going insane#why is the lore of this series driving me insane???#i’m spiraling#this is crazy#I feel like making a mike’s mic pll style investigation wall to figure out wtf is going on in this canon#tmr#the maze runner series#the death cure#the maze runner#thomas tmr#the maze runner books#maze runner
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urgh angel devil brainworms but its js me thinking abt what other things from the christian canon would be as devils
#I need a God devil to be real#and I say God w a capital g bc that’s a very specific thing#like God would be more feared than an angel#which also angel seems to represent the lowest class of angel so would there also be a seraphim devil or a cherub devil?#is there a demon devil?? satan??#we have the hell devil but satan(/lucifer if we wanna go seven sins route) being the prince/ruler of hell could make dynamics in hell crazy#also would the devil be more feared or the concept of hell itself#like o my god idk#maybe this all gets explained in p2 so maybe I’m going insane over nothing#anyways four horsemen are SICK and lowkey the reason I even started yapping#but also idk biblical mythology is deeply fascinating and I mourn my inability to push through the genesis bc i need to read the Bible#I feel like that one girl that read the bible bc she saw evangelion#like that’s me w csm#for absolutely no reason other than ‘biblical devils go brr’#ANYWAYS gonna stop yapping in the tags now and return to akiangel fanfic#bullshitting
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goooood morning and happy monday my friendz ! ! it’s the start of a new week and i am waving my wand + manifesting that we all have a good one ✨🤍🧚♀️
#i haven’t properly scrolled dash in awhile i fear i am so behind#going to try to play catch up after work bc i miss reading my mooties yummy fics !!#there’s been a few i’ve been tagged in and i can’t wait to dive in hehe feel free to tag me in some !! ^_^#i’ve been rewatching a bunch of one piece lately & feeling impossibly more insane about zoro … sigh.#but also i am thinking about getting a kuroo comm … one ive been dreaming about for a bit#these two continue to play tug of war with my brain and i’m just :3 !#sigh sigh sigh#feeling gross with yearning the last few days#i could yap on and on but … u get the vibes 🫂🤍#hope u all have a wonderful dayyyyy ^_^ ily !!!#₊˚⊹ ᰔ xoxo aims#ヾ( ˃ᴗ˂ )◞ — ✩ daily yap.
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Taylor returning over and over to the falling through the ice accident in the Bolter—everything to me
#like. just. the shock of it all#there’s something about Taylor where her experience of life is so ….. brutal#like I don’t know how else to say it but it just is. life is not easy on her it is always ready to CLOBBER her#and in a way she’s not easy on life. there’s some kind of magnets/opposite poles stuff where she’s just always drawn to the worst things#to feeling them and experiencing them and almost ??? creating them#like I don’t mean to overstate it. and I know she has a family who loves her (thank GOD)#and also she’s very practical and industrious about creating this very Instagram worthy life full of Fine Things and a Fun Time#and of course all the resources in the world at her disposal to create all the trappings of it#whether it’s a celebrity Fourth of July party or the eras tour#and she’ll do it and love it. but as all the best critics know and point out the most fascinating thing about Taylor is always the music#and it’s where all the weirdness and stubbornness and difficulties of her life. her a c t u a l longings her actual fears#her actual terrible awful experiences that she charges headlong down the paths of#is set free! and it’s breathtaking in the most shocking way#like falling through the ice! I always say the first thing that always hits me about a Taylor album is the bitterness#just this blast in the face. and her music is so gentle! in so many ways#and the packaging is so appealing and her voice is so soft and expressive and there is none of that weird experimentation#even musically (remember when she shut down imogen heap for putting a minor chord in clean she was like absolutely not. I’m obsessed)#(with that moment forever)#but like. so much of Taylor’s packaging and life and HER really does SEEM so basic or ordinary or just rich girl ordinary I guess#she likes basic things and wants basic things. but also she is so hungry so restless so angry so wounded the rich internal life is CHURNING#all the time. every second. and it’s spectacular to watch and also I will worry about her until the day I die#or just—-I don’t know. it’s going to be spectacular and it is sometimes going to be awful#but she will keep furiously writing her way through it!!#there IS such a woundedness to her. and it makes me love her so much because it’s packaged in such a way people think it must just be#whining or privilege. but it’s not! it’s just. the human condition and Taylor’s own flaws#okay I’ve lost the plot here a bit in my ramblings but yeah the ice metaphor. insanely perfect
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Idk why I’ve been so insecure about my interpretation of Gato cause it’s so silly
Like 1 Wonderland doesn’t have a fandom in the first place and second of all, Gato is in like two fics(one where it’s basically like two pieces of dialogue and another where it’s the smallest blurb in existence) and has three whole pieces of fanart that aren’t mine like nobody is gonna care if I headcanon Gato as liking going into the water or think about angst for him
It doesn’t help that my brain is like Well he laughs at his problems and such so therefore you are stupid and mischaracterizing him like
This is what happens when you consistently like the comic relief character 😔
#I am also going a little bit insane because there is no one to talk to about him#but also the fear of judgement and that I’m taking the character way too seriously#just dhdhdjdjjdjdjd#alice in wonderland#wonderland the musical#wonderland musical#wonderland broadway#el gato#cheshire cat#javi rambles
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planning document must be going well I just said the words “explaining the endurance of Platonism could be the life I’m living” to myself. Alone. At 2:30am. Because yeah. Could be.
#mrowmrowmrowmrowmrow I should be able to submit the word nya and the word nya alone in place of a second chapter#tumblr gets my planning thoughts because. yeah#I fucking hate chapter 2 so much for being a relations chapter in what began as a relations dissertation#on one hand I feel like I’m insane if I don’t talk about Origen in ReHashing Christian Neoplatonism The Dissertation but on the other hand#it is disingenuous to talk about incorporation of Platonism without addressing the vehement arguments against it#like I was there going what I would love is a good writer/writers between Justin+clem and Augustine and went well big issue is most of the#writings between actively addressing christianity and Platonism as a shared logos are arguing by against so#there is that#(I am at peace ish with the arbitrary decision to do Justin and clem for ch1 because I do think apologetics is the best genre to illustrate#the shift I’m discussing; ideal world would have me using every writer ever but. my supervisor says I can’t do that so)#but also it is so bullshit arbitrary relations chapter#I think it weakens my argumentation as opposed to contextualising it or adding complexity#it’s just like oh you were told to show opposing views and you did#clap clap whatever#I don’t know what it’s saying#in theory I’d love to find something about the root of the difficult of reconciling the two#but also what if I don’t find that#what then#Augustine must be discussed but otherwise every other writer is more or less arbitrary short of perhaps the issue of orthodoxy#but also that is what I get for doing a deeply arbitrary capstone as opposed to something with teeth#past Lewis deciding surely I will find something of substance if I engage in investigation of something I find interesting falling into the#eternal trap of contemporary humanities#things could be framed as an examination of how ideas get incorporated into canon#but also then it’s like why this as an example#and then it’s like well maybe there’s teeth in examining whether this was a part of platonism’s endurance and#you can spend a life explaining the endurance of Platonism#you can’t just say that in your introduction and conclusion and call it a day#connecting to medieval receptions is perhaps my only hope but why do medieval receptions matter I don’t know I am not a medievalist#and i fear I could spend a lifetime examining that#capstone
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Actually I don’t think I’ll ever forgive how Wash’s disability and subsequent ‘cure’ was handled.
#beans speaks#personal#rvb#red versus blue#the Carolina and wash plotline was a lil ehhh bc I don’t think they gave Carolina’s attitude abt his new limits a healthy foil#like it would have been see easy to have Dr Grey or Wash himself parallel her fear and frustration#and it could have gotten into such character depth too!#shine a light on her past trauma with losing people/them getting hurt to show that a lot of her perspective is ultimately selfish#which isn’t ‘wrong’ it’s normal considering what she’s been through but she needs to respect wash’s autonomy!#I haven’t seen 0 but. I heard. they gave him a. a fucking AI and it was all yippee he’s fine#as though that doesn’t go against like a major personal boundary of Wash (not a big fan of ai in his head) while also ignoring the whole.#yeah we just have to deal with this. it’s not fun and it’s gonna suck sometimes but it doesn’t change our love or respect.#sorry if I sound insane I also haven’t watched that season in a while and I’m. a lil. wooo tonight y’know#like as a disabled person w a progressive condition that is stopping me from doing things I used to be able to do#and will continue to limit my abilities as the years go by#it makes me wanna tear someone limb from fucking limb
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As someone who has been near deathly afraid of tornados since I was little
I am never watching the new Twisters movie
#it’s been like a fearful fascination though#so I made the mistake of viewing the ENTIRE EF5 clip on TikTok#worst mistake I could have made#just with everyone getting sucked in#that poor girl getting absolutely SIDEWIPED by debris#and the dude laying on top of the protagonist to protect her GETTING YOINKED OUT OF NOWHERE#I COULDNT EVEN PREPARE FOR IT I THOUGH THEY WOULD BOTH MAKE IT OUT#It doesn’t help that the insane summer weather has been causing massive thunderstorms and tornado warnings in a place THAT DOESNT GET THEM#horrified#next time that happens you can count on yours truly having a fucking panic attack#I’m never going to tornado alley#you couldn’t make me go at gunpoint#the gun would go off#at least that would be quick#and death wouldn’t be spent suspended midair getting bashed or skewered by debris and suffocating with all air being sucked out of you#fuck tornados man#bless storm chasers but fuck the storms they chase#and fuck me too for being an idiot and watching that video#never again#dragon speaks#dragon is also shaking in their fucking boots because goddamn
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lesbian culture is essentially gaslighting yourself into believing that girls (gn) are never flirting with you and that they’re only ever being very very nice
#genuinely it takes way too much to convince me i fear#we could be married 20 years and you could tell me you love me and i’m like ‘as a friend right?’#i’m only slightly exaggerating imaooo#it comes from years of straight girl over friendliness and none of my crushes liking me back lol#genuinely when ppl actually like me back i’m like 🤯#bc i never think that far ahead#and i don’t know how to deal#i think i will just dykely pine until i die#i also have no game in the slightest#i just let my inner freak show and hope ppl are down with it or whatever#i’m also bad at dealing with crushes#i basically go even more insane#and i don’t know how to let ppl know sometimes#bc i’m also bad with feelings#putting yourself out there is scary!!#scarier than any horror movie#to me at least#it would be cool if ppl could just fall in love with me and i didn’t to do anything <3#gwen rambles#gwenposting
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HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW TSAMS EPISODE YET?!!!
Bloodmoon might be coming back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I LITERALLY JUST WOKE UP AND THIS ASK SENT ME FLYING ACROSS THE ROOM OMG. WATCHED IT AND HOLY SHIT. I’M LIKE ?!?!!!!! IM GENUINELY SURPRISED HE’S COMING BACK ???? I WAS SO SURE BLOODMOON WAS GUNNA STAY DEAD THIS IS FASCINATING. ESPECIALLY RUIN’S IMPLICATION OF ALTERING THEM ???? WHAT IS HE GUNNA DO 2 THE BOYS……. IM VERY INTRIGUED
#asks#crack-a-lackin-max#honestly tho i rlly can’t stress how much i thought bloodmoon was going to Stay Dead?????#Like don’t get me wrong i am honestly terribly excited because i miss bloodmoon a LOAHT and if they return that means I can pick apart-#-their character more!!!#however to Me this is so out of left field that i’m also just like HUH AHDISNKDLC#i wonder if ruin is going 2 put bloodmoon thru the horrors tho……#modify them 2 make them obedient is what ruin said. that is smth they have Never wanted to be and I can imagine that will be Maddening if-#-it works. but also like. this isn’t exactly a revival like it is with Lunar. Bloodmoon /died/ died. No nanobots left#A second version of being built. A new version is being built. It’s likely that the new Bloodmoon won’t have any memories#So can you imagine waking up with an insatiable urge to maim and kill and the one person you want to do it to has a failsafe to make sure-#-that you can’t do that and everyone around you seems to know you already and has a deep fear of hatred towards you?#wouldn’t that be more frustrating and confusing than the ever-present hunger? Wouldn’t that drive them a little insane?#sorry this probably won’t happen but could u imagine AHAHBSJABS#sun and moon show spoilers#tsams#bloodmoon#xero thoughts and rambles#bc of my tags LMAO
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things I don’t give a shit about: a bunch of chucklefucks at the top who want money and power who think they’re the representative of an entire country
things I give a shit about: as many people as possible being able to live as safely, comfortably, and happily as is possible.
#👏government fuckheads 👏 eat glass👏#You can be pissed at an individual for a heinous crime but my god will the government that let it happen and subsequently tries to cover it#Will be the main focus of my wrath#Give me a politician who runs on empathy and not just saying keywords to get the most amount of money and power#I’m drunk on soju but I’m also right#I keep seeing clips about the Horrors ™️ in China and I think of all the people who demonize Chinese people#Like my guy they’re under an insanely oppressive regime I just want those people to be able to live safely#And for the people who make that impossible To fuck off#I get people look at countries as its most oppressive aspects but man it’d probably be a lot harder to blame the down fall of society#On random minorities if they could simply go about their lives without living in fear and pain because random assholes decided that would#Make them the most money
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Hmm
#pondering#I can’t believe it’s been a year since I gave up on my last crush#it seems like so long ago I feel like I’ve lived eight lifetimes since then#but it also feels like just yesterday#and yet I feel so…. distant from him#I mean I also never see him anymore#the only reason I did then is because I’d seek him out#and even then….#idk what I’m trying to say#just that things change#and myself of two years ago would be amazed#that I’m able to have a normal life and think about him minimally and painlessly#because two years ago I was in the DUMPS#I went through this intense phase where I just felt like I *had* to be with him and got to the point where I’d just cry out of fear that#that I’d die before I got a chance to make him fall in love with me#it was so bad I was so paranoid and lovesick and and and.. ough#I still remember that night so well#it was also a Wednesday like today and it had been an awful day and I had a headache#and I just thought. I can’t take this anymore. where are we even going. he’s never going to notice me never#i GIVE UP#it was mostly an impulse but looking back I’m so glad I followed that particular impulse#it’s like when Edmund walked out of Mary’s house not because he was super resolved but more on an impulse of the moment#just felt like the thing to do. and I may have regretted it once or twice afterwards but in the end it absolutely WAS the right call#and a couple months later YOU-KNOW-WHO showed up#absolutely insane events happening to me last year.#but now I feel like the girl from that one video#“girl who is going to be okay” djdjdhdh#but really! I will be!#and I am even! just taking it one day at a time#elly's posts
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Thinking about Erik snapping at Charles with “well maybe you should have fought harder for them” and the pain in his eyes when Charles told him they didn’t want the same things.
#cherik#going insane Erik sitting in that awful cell thinking that Charles will never rescue him but he’ll still know Erik didn’t do this#and him learning Charles thinks he’s a murderer a monster - the one person who had never thought that of him besides his parents - and that#Charles thinks he did do it and he hates everything so much because if Charles gave up hope on him if even Charles is unwilling to fight for#him anymore maybe he truly is a monster and killing raven for the future is just a who he is#thinking of how much it would break Erik of Charles called him a monster to his face#‘you abandoned us all’ but what he means is you abandoned me! you sent me away and you let me rot in prison and you gave up on me#anyways!!! the way Erik wanted Charles to fight for one thing and that was him and he didn’t!! he just gave up and sent him away#listen ok I know Erik left him bleeding on a beach with no way of getting out of there but man I will always be side Erik in the divorce#look at the day the man had!!! he’s paralyzed by fear when confronting his abuser and then Charles tells him to not kill him even tho Erik-#needed it to feel safe like watch the scene watch it!!! and then he’s facing genocide again and this time he can lift the coin and save his#people. then Charles gets shot and he blames ERIK and then he breaks up with Erik like ok I know he’s wounded and all but the fact the#fandom is like ‘oh Charles didn’t mean for them to go he was shot and mad Erik should know better’#but we’re not like ‘oh Erik faced his childhood abuser and then relived something very similar to his trauma#got blamed for his lover’s injury (and like he doesn’t blame himself for him mom too) and then broken up with. he went through so much#lasting emotional trauma in the span of less than one hour how can he know better’#and there’s like a good explanation for why Charles would still blame him like Erik was wearing the helmet he couldn’t have picked up on all#that depth without one of the senses he relies on. but the fandom being like Erik is the bad person in this instance#it seems unfair. also it screams I’m a gentile honestly.#also you can’t tell me part of Erik wasn’t like ‘maybe he’d be better off without me’ when he left the beach#x men#Charles Xavier#erik lehnsherr#ramble rumble#now just don’t think of ‘let him come’ being Erik hoping Charles will finally fight for him and say they should have been together#and instead Charles throws more unfair (well about raven) blame in his face
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thinking endlessly and constantly about john constantine’s deep well of casual, easy empathy for other people getting scrubbed out of virtually every adaptation in favor of “quirky asshole that everyone shakes their head at in tolerant exasperation”.
#where’s the fear machine arc panel where he holds simon’s hand and lets him talk until he falls asleep#where’s the hold me story where he releases jacko’s spirit by giving him a hug#where is him chasing chas down to see if he was ok after nergal possessed him#where is him drying dishes in his sister’s kitchen after their father’s funeral & trying to make her laugh#where is ‘i hate violence but you can’t pretend it’s not happening can you? it could have been happening to a friend.’#give me the love you fucking cowards where is the love#also thinking about this happening with his Actual Dickhead Behavior as well#but that’s another post. i’m going insane over this one#oxly hollers
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i wish writing out my thoughts helped me be better but the fact i’m still on this site complaining about the same things for years now proves otherwise. something somehting kafka
#except be relatable to some ppl at times and that makes me feel less lonely but#i wish it did make me better#u know what’s crazy when i think about it#u know those memes that are like as a child i always knew i wanted to be on the internet#or something like that#well yeah relatable bc as a child i rmmbr thinking oh i’m always going to be away from ppl#oh i could lose myself when i leave hs like that person#oh i’m always going to be alone#and here i am 26 and literally making every thought tru like ok wtf#i could say why didn’t young me have higher hopes and well girl u know why#u knooow u never thought those could happen to u#lmaoo sad existence is what i planned for myself and i’m LIVING IT IM GOING INSANE#maybe i should start creating thoughts that are happier and on future based successes#but we also know why it’s hard to think those things#BC FEAR BC i don’t think i could do it#literally going insane in the tags u love to see it
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#hearing this gem for the first time while working at the office surrounded by people did fuck me up a little#i couldn’t go insane the way i was meant to i fear#had to really contain the buzzing because the Ideas this gave me!!!!#as it was inspo#and i’m really sorry about this but also:#untitled logan fic inspo#Spotify
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