#I also am now playing that one on master mode and it’s kicking my ass

[my-status-single]

SOS

I’m playing TOTK and it’s a problem because I’m a toxic perfectionist™️.

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed - Episode 02

Warning: Spoilers for all 50 episodes!

(Masterpost ) (Previous Episode) (Next Episode)

Donkey Riding

way ho and away we go, donkey riding donkey riding way ho and away we go, riding on a donkey

Wei Wuxian and Apple are doing their best for the Ministry of Culture and Tourism. 

Xiao Zhan had trouble riding the donkey sitting side-saddle, so the Department of Questionable Practical Effects made him a fake leg to wear while riding regular style. 

Can you spot it? It’s very hard to spot. It is very convincing.

Simple Pleasures

Wei Wuxian takes his time wandering up the nearest mountain, and half of the cultivators in the land also wander up this mountain because...Night Hunting! The cultivators are hot and thirsty from walking because they forgot that they all know how to fly. 

Wei Wuxian relaxes by a well and listens to people stanning him. 

Also

I’m going to say it: Wei Wuxian never met a drinking vessel he couldn’t blow.

Everything is Beautiful at the Ballet

The actress who plays A-Yan is named Zhang Linran. She probably has studied dance since she was 4 and now she gets her big break which turns out to be feeding an apple to a donkey. So let’s pause for a second to look at how beautifully she moves.  

Reunions are Awkward, Part 1

Wei Wuxian meets up with one of his family members and it goes super well. 

I...like Jin Ling? He’s much less of a douchebag than his dad, his uncles Jin, Jiang, and Mo (the three stooges), and every damn one of his Jin cousins. He’s genuinely brave (his Dad’s primary good quality) and his hair is on fleek. He’s still a whiny diaper baby, but I like him. 

(much more after the cut!)

Then Jiang Cheng shows up, looking fine as hell and radiating peak arrogant-prick energy.

When he discovers that ‘Mo Xuanyu” stuck a piece of paper to Jin Ling, he tells the child to literally murder him. Excellent uncleing! A+++++ would recommend.  

“In fact, literally murder anyone who uses Yiling Laozu’s tools, like talismans, lure flags, or spirit compasses - basically murder everyone in the Lan Clan plus those other fanboys we saw coming up the hill. Then get out there and make some friends, goddamn it!”

These nets full of cultivators on this daytime night hunt are the only time we ever see anything in a net during a night hunt.  In fact dudes constantly go night hunting and the only prey we ever see is rock lady, murder turtle, and a couple of rag mops in the lake. 

You Are Not Qualified to Speak to Me

Also radiating arrogant-prick energy on this occasion is Lan Wangji. He has been using pettiness as a weapon since long before he met this Jiang Cheng turkey, and he *brings it* when Jiang Cheng tries to have a conversation with him.

Letting your eyes wander everywhere except to his punchable face while you ignore his passive-aggressive questions? Quality work. 

Dropping a silence spell on his child and then letting your own child explain it to him? Golden. 

Lan Wangji is never ever going to forgive Jiang Cheng for what he did on cliff day, and his silence here is as pointed as an ice pick. I suspect the last words Lan Wangji actually spoke to him were “Jiang Wanyin, stop it,” sixteen years ago. 

Jiang Cheng is actually the bigger person in this particular interaction, visibly mastering his temper and telling Jin Ling to take his medicine. 

Reflecting

Wei Wuxian hangs out by a beautiful river and hallucinates for a while. River Jiang Yanli is nurturing and River Jiang Cheng is pissed off, so there are no surprises there.  River Jiang Cheng thinks that Wei Wuxian is a promise-breaking douchebag. He’s not exactly wrong. 

Courtesy of convenient gossiping cultivators, Wei Wuxian discovers that the 16 year old arrogant kid from the Jin clan who his brother from the Jiang clan has custody of is actually and quite obviously Jin Rulan.

Well fuck I guess now I care about something, that’s inconvenient. 

Needing to help parent the child of the sister who parented him is what draws Wei Wuxian fully into his new life. 

As soon as he has this realization, Apple comes back from roaming around, and never gives him any trouble after this for the rest of the story. Which...probably doesn’t mean anything. 

Wen Gravesite

Does Wen Ning hang out here because it’s where he and his (dead) people came from? Oh great, now I am sad. 

Judging by all the leaves on this grave thingy I’m going to say that this grave tender dude is, ah, not very good at his job. 

Get him, Jingyi!

I feel like maybe we all focus too much on how Lan Jingyi is so hilarious and sardonic and not enough on how he is a such a biscuit. 

Soul Grass

As mentioned in the previous post, Chinese spiritual concepts don’t always translate well into English. Soul grass? Sure, why not. 

This is where Wei Wuxian’s Sherlock Holmes brain starts to work, although he still doesn’t remember really basic stuff about Dafan Mountain. Dying and changing bodies is rough on the old neurochemistry. This creates more opportunities for flashbacks, however, and if there’s one thing The Untamed deffo needs more of, it’s kissing flashbacks.

Temple Statue

Presumably grave-tender dude is also in charge of clearing away spiderwebs at the temple, because it’s not getting done. 

Jin Ling walks into the temple blaspheming at full volume. 

Since this isn’t a Greek story, he isn’t immediately struck blind for this. Then when he wishes for the statue to come alive, it obligingly does.  Everything’s coming up Rulan!

Wei Wuxian shows up to rescue all the kids by throwing talismans at the monster which does not tip anyone off to who he is. 

Baby Cultivator Babysitting

Lan Wangji chills out in the cultivators’ pavilion with Jiang Cheng and their mutual hate boners.

Meanwhile, Wei Wuxian forgets all about his nephew and turns into cool professor guy, explaining the basics of soul-eating to the baby cultivators and gleefully encouraging their fear of Hanguang-Jun’s punishments. 

Because the Lan babies are good filial children they are super respectful and engaged with this random adult who is lecturing them. They also - like their own Hanguang-Jun at their age - see and admire Wei Wuxian’s intellect. It’s easy to forget how extremely smart Wei Wuxian is, because of how extremely dumb Wei Wuxian is.

Lan Jingyi suddenly figures out Wei Wuxian is not crazy. 

Bis. Kit. 

Then Rock Lady shows up and Jin Ling sticks 6 arrows into her while Lans Jingyi and Sizhui stand around not bothering to draw their swords.

I see a lot of comments about the bad effects in the statue sequences but I think Rock Lady is all right. The figure animation is decent and the lighting is no worse on her than on everything else in the scene. Her hair is nice, for a rock person.

Admittedly I just finished watching Guardian which has CGI monsters so bad they may have injured my retinas and possibly also my DNA, so the bar, for me, is pretty low. Rock lady clears it with room to spare.   

Note: Wei Wuxian’s flute playing does zippity towards controlling the statue. Not sure what his plan was here.

Wen Ning Kicks Ass

Now we get to meet Wen Ning, who appears to be a stone-cold badass. Later we will discover how hilariously inaccurate that assessment is. 

While all versions of Wen Ning are delightful, this version of Wen Ning is also...strangely attractive? He’s got a Patti-Smith-Horses-Era vibe here, instead of his more usual lost-baby-dork vibe. And his dreamy “I have nails in my head” expression is intriguing. 

I mean, he’s not a total snack like zombie Song Lan or pre-zombie Song Lan or blind Song Lan or post-zombie Song Lan, but this look is a good one for Wen Ning, is what I’m saying.

Reunions are Awkward, Part 2

Lan Wangji, who has 99% already recognized Wei Wuxian because of the haunted sword and the fierce jawline and beautiful neck and tiny tiny waist, is summoned by his flute playing as inexorably as the Ghost General was. 

Jiang Cheng also recognizes Wei Wuxian and goes into full beatdown mode, thwarted (silently) by Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian attempts to preserve his incognito by sassing Jiang Cheng in as sibling-like a manner as possible. 

Hanguang-Jun’s Pro-Ghost Agenda Has Been Clear for Some Time

This Jiang/Lan fight is hilarious when you consider the implications.

Macroexpression vs. Microexpression

Mo Xuanyu brought Wei Wuxian back using sacrifice summons, a dark ritual invented by Wei Wuxian that he, most likely, did NOT show to Lan Wangji back in the day. So it’s a pretty safe bet that Lan Wangji doesn’t know that Wei Wuxian was gifted a body, rather than stealing one.

when your brother turns around, you must whip him you will never live it down unless you whip him

When Jiang Cheng lets loose with Zidian, it’s not just because he’s angry. He’s using purple power to force Wei Wuxian’s ghost out of the body he’s apparently possessed. And Lan Wangji instantly STOPS him from doing that.

Clan Leader Jiang: this person has been possessed, against their will, by an evil ghost

Future Chief Cultivator Lan: Counterpoint: I am banging the ghost

Flashback Time

Welcome to your 30-episode flashback!

Once I used to join in Every boy and girl was my friend Now there's revolution, but they don't know What they're fighting

Let us close our eyes Outside their lives go on much faster Oh, we won't give in We'll keep living in the past

Road Tripping to Summer School

Gosh I’m looking forward to younger, kinder, more relatable Jiang Cheng.

...prick. 

Incidentally, until now this episode didn’t know that Jiang Cheng has smile muscles, and neither did the person who glued his wig on for him.

I Like Rabbits

Here we have our first rabbit in a large collection of rabbit iconography that appears in The Untamed. 

Instead of sending everyone to the Wikipedia page for Tu'er Shen I’m going to take this opportunity to rec the short film Kiss of the Rabbit God by Andrew Thomas Huang (tw: blood, tw:body-mod cutting) which you can read about and watch over at  Nowness.com 

Particularly if you are a queer person of Chinese heritage, check it out. 

So. What the fuck are these? Are they food? 

Are they made from wax? Or corn starch? or pig intestines? 

Wei Wuxian runs off to get laid drunk and Jiang Cheng grumps about it. Jiang Yanli reminds him that being free is a Jiang Clan Rule, so really Wei Wuxian is following the rules by not following the rules. Does that mean he’s not free? My head hurts. 

Jiang Cheng: yes but grump grump grump

Jiang Yanli: Nothing bad will ever happen because of A-Xian’s choices, trust me

Outro

Wei Wuxian faint tally: one  Caught by: the cold hard ground

Soundtrack: 1. Donkey Riding by Great Big Sea 2. Living in the Past by Jethro Tull 3. Whip It by Devo

Fic prompt:  Lan Wangji’s internal monologue while he sits in the pavilion with Jiang Cheng 

If you write a fic from this prompt and want to share, please post a link in comments!

Bonus: Wang Zuocheng, macro-expression king

Episode 03 Restless Rewatch coming soon!

[theawesomeally]

Before We Met (Preview)

Prologue

In a world inhabited by mythic creatures, love was commonplace several millennia ago, though difficult to master. After his training advances over the decades, his powers became obsolete and were largely discarded.

[The camera zooms in on the city and two blazing specks of light dash all over the place as one shoots lasers at the other. We then see an enemy aircraft flying throughout while it's chasing a young man, who is running from the pursuer. We see full closeups of a guy in his craft and Rocky as he runs. The scene freezes after an explosion with Rocky barely missing it.]

[voice over]

Through the years I have been known by many names. Marshmallow, The Furry Lover, The Daredevil, Frisky Two Times and then The amazing Ryan Reynolds. But to most, I am Rocky, the awesome one!

[Some other women, leaning across the wall, and Rocky getting his shades from his pocket. Put it onto his eyes. While he puts his hoodie onto his shoulders. Rocky was dressed like a gentleman, but he fought with honor or dignity and pulled at the knot into his tie. Females are not meant to grab his attention, and if it does. To be fair, he heard most of what he'd said up to this point. The parts that weren't of his interest, anyway.

Okay, maybe that wasn't much]

His sigh is heavy with exasperation,

"Can you keep your dick in your pants at the gala?"

Grab his phone from his pocket, automatically switching it out of Bluetooth mode, and bring his earphone up to his ear.

I will never forget you, Margarita. [The female stops and cringe after hearing the name. His blue prominent eyes were not well adapted to winking. They were rather of the sort that closes solemnly in slumber with majestic effect.

Rocky pretend to consider as Rocky step out of the car and button his tux jacket. "Hmm."

"Nice wheels, sir," the valet says, unconcerned that he was on the phone. Rocky pull out his wallet and flash a fifty-dollar bill. "Take care of her and this is yours."

"Yes, Mr. Rocky."

"I mean, Rosa. Uh...sorry. I think maybe I should go.???." She wrapped her arms over her chest and shook her head with a smirk curved across her face. Rocky grinned and raised an ironical finger in salute Rocky starts backing away. "You can't get away with it." the security guard muttered, holding out one hand. He was moving very slowly, thinking Rocky was the enemy or something. Blinks at her as a farewell, but glance with a smug as he sees the vampire's ring. Mind was so wrapped up in thought that he didn't notice the familiar vampire standing behind him. A vampire with bad breath psycho. "Hey, come on, dickie! You're trashing public property here!" He is thinking about how he had to sneaked up onto the roof and is currently standing a few feet behind him.

Rocky then gently slides the ring off the vampire's finger using his katana.

Light glinted off a myriad of his Katana and the vampire ring. Spray from the dust to blew up into his face, but sweat more than seawater moistened his palms as he gripped the eagle. His eyes were as blue while the vampires eyes were cold as the stormy weather.

"Hey, it's Gale calling," says Rocky called over his shoulder to one nefarious vampire. "Love the shiny suit. Really brings out the sex trafficker in your eyes." Rocky had commented, half jokingly and straight up confident, how that guy would have been considered handsome - if he ever bothered to smile.

Cut to a shot of a cliff.

A grim expression again carved itself into the soldier's face as he gazed up at the jeering vampires, their bodies smeared with blood, upon the cliff tops. Even the most cowardly of tribes in Gaul would fancy its chances from such advantageous ground, one being was mused. The sound of their jeers was occasionally accompanied by the high pitched swish of an arrow, as the odd archer tried his luck. Invariably the missile would zip harmlessly into the sea, or at best a thud could be heard as it struck as a human shield or the solid surface of the earth.

Cut back to the fighting scene. Rocky is skewering a guy with his swords, and kicks the vampire in the chest, sending him back down and puts his sword away. The guy gasp and starts fighting with Rocky. This continues for awhile until Rocky get's away again. Using two fingers he salute the vampire as a goodbye.

Making a soft chuckle. He flicks the vampire ring up into the air. It comes back down and lands into one of the streets, causing his background to explode. The shards of fire fell in slow motion behind him.

He is consumed in the explosion, as his body can be seen flying off the ground, flipping off the camera as it goes. "Oh, fuck." Rocky mutter under his breath. "Oh, I'm sorry." A small apology leaving his lips with a smirk.

"That will teach you, not to mess with me," A familiar voiced ask, up righting his head as he walk over the circles and appeared in front of him,

(narrator)

So, I know what you're thinking. Why is that incredibly handsome guy being chased by a madman with a huge shiny fangs from the Civil War?

[The scene freezes after an explosion sending Rocky flying off the ground from the ground. After the dust settles, leaving Rocky lying unconscious on the ground.]

This guy's got the right idea. Well, to be honest, it feels like I've been the captain of my whole life. Is this too much? Am I going too fast? It's kind of what I do--You know what? Let's back up.

[We see the whole fight going in reverse as well as frames of future clips for a split second each time, one passes as Rocky mimics a rewind sound effect] Cut to close-up of Rocky gets up to his feet. Cut to him sitting on the side of the gable roof at night. Wondering how long it would be before he saw the city again. He had been born with a wandering heart, and he embraced adventure, unafraid to face the dangers often presented by journeys into unknown places. Leaving civilization behind for the wilds of the frozen north, legs dangling over the side as he listens to his Walkman next to him playing 'Shoop.' Rocky was vaguely singing along, making hand gestures along with the lyrics, but he was focused on his own drawing, while listening to the music and coloring a picture with crayons. We see that the picture he's drawing is him shooting the vampire in the head, he was doing it with some crayons he had with him.

It was fun to see that getting shot in the head, even if it was just a crayon drawing. He'd never soon change it to a reality. And then turned his head and stared directly at the camera, or the person reading, or just whoever balls happened to be paying a lot of attention to him.

Wha- Oh! Oh, hello. I know, right? Who's balls did I have to snap to get my very own story? I can't tell you, but it does rhyme with dick. And let me tell you; he's got a nice pair of fucking underwear, he finished in an Swedish accent.

They'd get that joke, right?

Anyway, I got places to be, a kiss in the ass to fix, and - oh! hot weird vampire to kill.

He watched eagerly as the flashes of light began to appear below him – lots of rippers were a very dramatic little shit, after all – we're panning quickly towards the edge of the roof he was sitting on. Now having an appointment to keep, Rocky was quick to get onto edge of the roof and, in one fluid motion, opens a music playlist called Tunes of Anarchy on his Walkman, and the song "Where Evil Grows" by The Poppy Family stays playing in the background as he jumped off the roof, landing in one of the coolest bar in Mystic Falls. It seemed that they had been drinking peacefully, listening to 'Angel of the Morning,' but when Rocky landed and that's when their peaceful night was over.

They look around for which they finally see as Rocky stands at a wooden doorway wearing a cowboy hat, black sunglasses, and red a white hoodie as he opens a music playlist called Tunes of Anarchy on his Walkman. Opens up and the door swings open and the music resumes with people dancing and lights flashing as he goes inside the bar.

Nothing.

Absolutely positively not a fucking thing.

First one person turned, noticing him. Then more followed, until the whole patron was hushed, waiting. Everyone was watching, the same bewildered look on all of their faces. Eyebrows raised and narrowed eyes, etc. God, for months he'd played this moment over and over inside his mind. It most definitely never turned out like this. Whatever this was.

As he walks up to the bar. The room was narrow and about 90 feet deep. Light did manage to worm its way into the establishment, though. It seeped through the windows scattered along the walls, and through the gaps in the door between its wooden panels. A bar on the left at the front, then some upholstered horseshoe benches, then a cluster of freestanding tables on what, on other nights, might have been a dance floor. Then the stage, with the band on it. The band looked as if it had been put together by accident after a misfiling incident at a talent agency. The bass player was a stout old black guy in a suit with a vest. He was plucking away at an upright bass fiddle. The drummer could have been his uncle. He was a big old guy sprawled comfortably behind a small, simple kit. The singer was also a harmonica player and was older than the bass player and younger than the drummer and bigger than either one.

The guitarist was completely different. He was young and white and small. Maybe 20, maybe 5-foot-6, maybe 130 pounds. He had a fancy blue guitar wired to a crisp new amplifier and together the instrument and the electronics made sharp sounds full of space and echoes. The amp must have been turned up to 11. The sound was incredibly loud. It was as if the air in the room was locked solid. It had no more capacity for volume. But the music was good. The three black guys were old pros, and the white kid knew all the notes, and when and how and in what order to play them. He was wearing a red T-shirt and black pants and white tennis shoes. He had a very serious expression on his face. He looked foreign. Maybe Russian.

I watched them for a minute, and then I looked away. My name is Rocky, and once I was the most wanted man, with heavy emphasis on the past tense. I have been out nearly as long as I was in. But old habits die hard. I had stepped into the bar the same way I always step anywhere, which is carefully. One-thirty in the morning. I had ridden the train to West and walked south on Sixth Avenue and made the left turn on San Francisco bar and checked the sidewalks. I wanted music, but not the kind that drives large numbers of patrons outside to smoke.

His attention was taken away from patrons. It was at that point that he saw the young beautiful woman alone at her table, Her name tag read Katy, and her shirt clung tightly around her chest. Her hands worked quickly and gracefully with the bottles as she poured them another and took the empty's away.

I watched her in the gaudy, reflected light, with the music shrieking and pounding all around me. The two guys watched her. Her bodyguard watched her. She watched the guitarist. He was concentrating hard, key changes and choruses, but from time to time he would lift his head and smile, mostly at the glory of being up on the stage, but twice directly at the girl. The first of those smiles was shy, and the second was a little wider.

What met my eyes was a beautiful girl with golden hair and a bright smile that melted my heart. She was blond and blue-eyed, American woman who have a glow, and a smoothness complexion. She lives in New York, singing, listening to a band, and I was in love with her angelic voice. That was clear. There I was, a guy further back in the room, stood in the room staring at her. I was 6ft tall, wide man with a white hoodie and a black leather jacket under a hoodie. She was part of the reason I was here with her back in a city when we were at the age of 19 or less.

It wasn't the kind of glossy place that had a policy about dating rich girls, either for or against. Some call it a gold digger, and I guessed they had looked at her and her minder and made a snap decision against trouble and in favor of tips.

The part of her gaze that wasn't wary was filled with adoration, and it was all aimed in his direction. She was rich. She was alone at a table near the stage and she had a pile of A.T.M fresh twenties in front of her and she was paying for each new bottle with one of them and she wasn't asking for change.

She was a waitress and I loved her.

The woman stood up. She butted the lip of her table with her thighs and shuffled out from behind it and headed for the counter in back. I got there first. The sound from the band howled through it. The ladies' room was halfway down. The men's room was all the way at the end. Rocky leaned on the wall and scanned the room. As Rocky watched her walk in and squeeze through the crowd and she sat down on the bar stool, 1 feet away from him.

"Hey, Raoul, look what this kid dragged in. Oh, wait! That is the guy!," but they didn't hear. Too much noise. He caught them by the elbows, one in each hand. They spun around, as if ready to fight, but then they stopped. Fortunately for him, the first two who approached her were quick to heed her dismissal. She wasn't there to mingle with huge ass in leather jackets. She was just there to grab a drink and relax and pretty sure she made that pretty clear when she shot the first couple of idiots down.

The third guy, however, wasn't ready to take no for an answer.

"How about you let me buy you a drink, sweetheart?"

Their sex appeal eyes pried upon their eyes from the television screen above the bar and looked at the newcomer. With his hair greased back and one-size-too-big biker jacket on, the guy looked like prime wife-beater material. Perfect. Just what they needed to interrupt his evening.

"Thanks, but I'm good," she said curtly, gesturing to the beer bottle in front of her.

"That's it? You're gonna chug that shitty beer and call it a night? Come on, let me get you a real drink."

She scoffed. "What? Like those idiots you got over there?" she glanced past him at the table where he and a couple of his friends had been sitting.

"It's a warm-up. Trust me, honey, we're just getting started over there. You should join us."

She wanted to roll her eyes. "Like I said, I'm good."

She made the move to turn away and focus her attention back on the football game on the television when the guy grabbed her by the arm.

"What the hell's your problem?" This guy gripped her arm tightly, this guy's face practically scrunched up in a beastly snarl. "I don't like to be ignored, y'know?"

She yanked her arm out of his grip and stood up to face him directly. She knew pretty damn well where the conversation was headed and sure as hell were not about to get in a bar fight with their ass glued to the seat.

Before she could open her mouth, a familiar voice spoke up from behind her.

By hearing it and raising their head to turn to his voice, her smile grew a tad wider, recognizing the voice immediately. They simply looked so annoyed, at least much more than usual. His lips pulled into a tight frown, while their eyes narrowed, eyebrows furrowed, back hunched over slightly if you'd look hard enough. Yep, those guys are just being grumpy as usual, but seemingly much more grumpy, except with their eyes laced with the slightest bit of concern. For herself, most likely.

The said person stopped, and looked over their shoulder to the voice. She put on a mellow look close to her usual one. Confrontation- unnecessary confrontation- was not exactly his thing. He tended to avoid fights like these. He could hold his ground better than most, but he preferred to keep out of the brawls and spats that others got involved in.

A voice caught his ear, she sounded like she needed help, despite the overconfident tone the stranger used. "Look, I don't wanna interrupt, but is this guy bothering you?" he looks up at her and says greeted casually, as casual as someone could be hanging for dear life. She looked up at me, startled that he was there. "I'm sorry. Did I scare you up?" he softly asked, when she turned to get a good look at the stranger in his handsome voice. She wasn't expecting the sight she was met with. A pair of piercing blue eyes smiled over her, puffing out her cheeks childishly when she looked at him. After she looked to her right to find Rocky taking his place beside her. Her pinkish lips turned up in a small smile as she ducked her head briefly with a laugh before tucking her hair behind her ear, "No, you did not," she said. He couldn't keep the amusement out of his voice. She turned her head to look at him, catching his gaze with her own. He gave a small smile, stroking her hair softly with his index. "So, What exactly are you doing here?" she said softly, trying to maintain an even tone of voice.

"Oh you know, I was just passing through the neighborhood when I thought I caught a whiff of filthy human garbage coming from this place," he said,

"And sure enough here I am."

Desire pools dark and deadly in his groin. Gaze up at her, releasing her lip. Katy flush a deep crimson in her cheeks, and he runs his index finger down her cheek before handing her the headphones. "I'd like to kiss you, too, but you won't let me down, are you?." Rocky asked her. Besides, he's pulled the straps so tight he can barely move.

Amused smile on his lips, he's wearing his enigmatic half smile. He glances down at her, light blue-gray eyes alive, he glances up when she looks at his way and their eyes lock. And in that brief moment, she was paralyzed, staring at the impossibly handsome man who gazes at her with some unfathomable emotion. His gaze hot, burning into her, as they lost for a moment staring at each other.

It's there in the air between them, that electricity. It's palpable. He can almost taste it, pulsing between them, drawing them together.

"Oh my," she gasps as she basks briefly in the intensity of this visceral, primal attraction. The two men stood back, saying nothing, but looking at him with hard eyes.

Katy had, somehow, stammered out some sort of reply that must have made her look insane. Coby, hearing her, had come over to check on her and had ended up having her go make Rocky's a drink while they chatted. Ever since that first meeting, though, Katy had completely fallen for Rocky. There was something about his smile, or maybe it was his eyes? Whatever it was, it made Katy's entire body feel light as a feather.

To be continued....

[dolphin-enthusiast]

Now that I know that you watch Poofesure I had this request in mind: the villains playing wii sports and s/o watches as they rage a la poof

Fuck Y E S I was just watching more of his wii sports vids these days and was absolutely creasing my dude🤡🤡

Dio:

- This can either go awfully good or awfully wrong, no inbetween. While he isn’t particularly bad, he isn’t a pro at it either. If anything he’s lucky he has insane vampiric reflexes or else he would’ve got his ass kicked twice as worse when playing tennis or ping pong.

- Speaking of, he actually starts off pretty well when playing ping pong only to get his ass kicked 2 seconds later and absolutely lose his shit. Remember when Poofesure broke his fucking wii remote? One time Dio raged so hard after losing at the hands of Akira (again) when playing ping pong that he broke his damn remote in half. Let’s just say s/o wasn’t too pleased since they had to pay for another fucking remote the day after.

- On another note he exceeds at boxing. It’s like the angrier he gets the better he punches his enemies. I’m talking going absolutely ham on the poor CPUs whilst loudly screeching WRYYYYY or MUDAMUDAMUDA. S/o received way too many noise complaints over the past weeks since their boyfriend is constantly fucking screeching and yelling MUDA at 3 am whilst trying not to break his goddamn remote again but oh w e l l what can you do?

Kars:

- Actually fucking sucks in the beginning. Like he has 0 experience with video games so he’s kinda overwhelmed when s/o literally yeets the remote in his hand and tells him to demonstrate his skills at wii sports. 10/10 gets constantly clowned by s/o as he keeps losing against Elisa at tennis.

- On the other hand he’s fairly good at keeping his composure, it’s actually pretty hard to make him rage RAGE. Although he does get lowkey pissed whenever he misses the fucking ball while playing tennis or ping pong. His grunts of displeasure whenever he loses another match only make s/o snicker more behind him. making the man turn around and give them a dirty look.

- What does manage to piss him off really bad however is baseball, like that shit just sends him into sicko mode. Like sure he has patience and tries to maintain his calm but then he sees the opposing team catch the ball and it sends him into a rage fit. The other pillarmen never fail to hear his angery screams either and they always clown him for being such a fucking casual.

Kira:

- Probably sucks the worst at pretty much anything, although he may or may not enjoy bowling the best. Even tho he’s the biggest casual ever he’s extremely cocky and full of himself, constantly bragging about how he’s so great and lucky until he misses the ball at ping pong or the opponent kicks his ass and he S C R E A M S.

- His archnemesis is Akira 10/10. He eventually ends up playing against Akira at ping pong and has the worst breakdowns in history. All that s/o can do is sit down on the couch and watch as he cusses the fuck out of that poor CPU whenever it kicks his ass again. Like no joke the matches between these 2 are so violent and intense that you can’t even look away.

- At some point the fight gets so intense that s/o is commenting and yelling like “AKIRA, NO KIRA. AKIRA, KIRA NO AKIRA-” as the ball is literally being slammed over the net more violently than ever and their boyfriend is sweating bullets while trying to not fuck himself over again. Besides this he also has the shittiest luck in history when playing bowling because there’s always gotta be 1 single bowling pin standing. Eventually Kira stopped thinking.

Doppio/Diavolo:

- Doppio is surprisingly pretty damn decent at wii sports. Why? No one knows. But he’s actually a master at keeping calm and has amazing reflexes, especially when it comes to playing tennis and ping pong. He also exceeds at basketball and golf for some reason.

- However Doppio kinda gets his ass beat at box. Like it’s just so overwhelming for him that he almost always ends up losing since he gets easily discouraged once his opponent starts swinging at him. That’s when he actually starts raging and Diavolo comes out.

- And from here it only gets worse really. Diavolo sucks at pretty much anything and has 0 patience so you can only imagine the colorful curse words that he keeps spewing whilst playing baseball or tennis. We don’t even speak of ping pong for that shit sends him into beast mode. He constantly screams at his baseball team for being shitty and broke AT LEAST 2 remotes while attempting to play ping pong. S/o has made a mental note to never let him around the wii ever again.

[hazza-bear-care]

Babie Crue (6/?)

A/N: Can someone teach me how to make a master list? I really want to make it easier for new readers to find all parts to Babie Crue. Also, I just found the album for The Heroin Diaries! IT FUCKING SLAPS! 1000000/10 would recommend!

Description: After locking Cam and Tommy in a broom closet, the band almost misses soundcheck. The show then runs smoothly, but someone recognizes Cam when she comes on stage for “Your Song”.

Warnings: FLUFFY TOMMY AND CAM, angst? Swearing, mentions of abuse, drinking, and drug use.

~~~~~~~

The band let Cam finish getting ready for the show, despite the fact that they physically could not pull Tommy away from his new love. Cam quickly pecked Tommy’s lips, of course with the promise that he would receive more, then ducked back into her room to adjust her outfit. The band ditched her, hurrying as fast as they could to the venue in order to make soundcheck, but Tommy left a twenty on the door handle before he left, covering Cam’s cab fare. Doc was furious with the band and pulled Cam off to the side when she arrived as well. 

“What the fuck happened, Cam? I thought I told you to keep them on time!” Doc whisper shouted, pulling Cam away from the stage. 

“Doc, they were on time! Nikki and Vince decided a last minute game of 7 Minutes in Heaven was more important. They wouldn’t let me out, okay?”

“Who’d they lock you with? Mick? ‘Cause that fucker needs to get laid like it’s nobody’s business.” Doc joked, taking Grace out of Cam’s arms as they all walked back to see how soundcheck was going. 

“No, actually. They locked me in with...Tommy.” Cam admitted, hanging her head low, the floor suddenly more interesting than Doc’s disapproving look. 

“You have the hots for Tommy? I woulda pegged you a Nikki girl if I’m being honest.” Doc joked again, nudging Cam’s shoulder with his. 

“You’re not mad?” Cam questioned, mildly shocked. 

“Of course not. Why would I be?”

“Employees aren’t supposed to fall in love with the band.” Cam explained.

“Ah, but you’re not an employee, Cam. You’re a friend of the band that just happened to need money. There’s a loophole for everything, right?” Cam nodded and smiled at Doc, a silent thank you for everything he’s done since the tour started. Grace giggled as Vince danced like an idiot to get his niece's attention before going back to center stage and continuing “Looks that Kill”. Doc excused himself, muttering something about how off the lighting was. Grace wanted more attention from her family on stage and almost backflipped out of Cam’s arms to get it. 

“They’ll come back later, pretty girl. Let’s get you fed, alright?” Cam left to the greenroom, bumping into Zutaut. 

“Hey, Cam! Guess what?” Tom asked excitedly, almost like a child. Cam tried not to roll her eyes, but she turned her attention back to the A&R rep. 

“What, Tom?” 

“Motley is gonna have a meet and greet tonight! Thousands of people were chosen at random to meet the band. Isn’t that great?” 

“Yeah, actually it is! Finally Elektra is doing something right. Can you hold Grace a second? I swear, Zutaut, if you drop her it won’t just be me you have to deal with.” Tom gulped as he gingerly held the baby girl in his arms. Cam fixed a bottle for her daughter, shaking the bottle to combine everything. Grace almost did another trapeze act as her chubby hands grabbed the bottle and brought it to her lips. Cam took Grace back and they made their way back to the stage, soundcheck almost over. 

“Alright, guys. Show starts at 9, and afterwards, your very first meet and greet! You’re gonna do great!” Tom left, probably to go find Doc. Tommy then came up to Cam and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, placing a kiss to her hair. 

“Hey, come here!” Tommy pulled Cam towards his drum kit, sitting on the stool and patting his lap. 

“Tommy, no! I can’t play your drums! You won’t even let Nikki play them.” Cam argued. 

“Well, I’m not dating Nikki, now am I?” Tommy smirked, causing Cam to blush and adjust Grace on her hip. 

“No, you’re not. But what do I do with Gracie?”

“Give her to Mick, but come back here, okay?” Cam nodded and made her way over to Mick, who automatically went into dad mode as Grace was transferred to him. Cam smiled at Mick, who of course smiled back and nodded back in the direction of Tommy, the drummer practically bouncing out of his skin. 

“You ready?” Tommy asked as Cam made her way back to him, trying to get comfortable on his lap. He handed her the drumsticks, adjusting her grip as needed. 

“What do I play?” Cam asked, poorly trying to mimic how Tommy spun the sticks between his fingers. Tommy chuckled and kissed Cam’s cheek as he steadied her hands over the drums. 

“How about this, count to three. On one and two, hit the snare. On three, the cymbal. It’ll sound a little like We Will Rock You.” Tommy guided her hands at first, pointing out which drum was the snare, then letting go and resting his hands on Cam’s thighs. 

Cam was ecstatic. She messed up a couple times, but quickly got the hang of it, slightly speeding up.

“Great! Now with your right foot, tap the hammer for the bass drum. Add that one to the snare.” Cam did as she was told, the familiar melody of the Queen song echoing through the empty arena. She was so caught up in what she was doing, she didn’t realize everyone else had grabbed their instruments and joined in the jam session. 

“Buddy, you’re a boy, make a big noise, playing in the streets, gonna be a big man some day! You got mud on your face, you big disgrace, kicking your can all over the place. Singing!” When Vince started singing, Cam jumped and almost dropped the sticks, but Tommy kept her on beat

“WE WILL, WE WILL, ROCK YOU!” Everyone joined in on the chorus and eventually, they all made it through the song, including Mick’s version of Brian May’s guitar solo, which Cam thought was a little better than the original. Everyone applauded Cam as she turned and hid her bright red face in her flannel. 

“You should replace Tommy. You’re good for an amateur.”  Vince commented as Tommy wrapped his arms around Cam’s waist and placed a few kisses on her neck. 

“I agree. Too bad we can’t play We Will Rock You for every show.” Nikki added, teasing Cam slightly. 

“Doors open in three!” someone yelled, breaking up the impromptu jam session. Tommy had been so preoccupied, his hair and makeup weren’t done, which horrified Cam. Hair and make up couldn’t be done in three minutes, but Cam knew Ruby was magic in a crunch. 

“Go get ready, Tommy.” Doc ordered, interrupting the new couple’s cuddle session behind the drums. Tommy nodded and kissed Cam on her cheek as he left. Cam hid her gaze from Doc, a knowing smile splitting his face in two, and scurried to the greenroom. Thankfully, Grace had fallen asleep in Mick’s arms and the guitarist placed her on the couch, adjusting the pillows so she wouldn’t fall onto the floor. 

~~~~~~~

“Okay, y ’all, you know the drill! We have a very special friend on tour with us, and every night, her baby girl falls asleep to this song! We’d like to bring her out, but we’re gonna need some help in serenading this amazing creature! Can y ’all do that?!” The crowd bellowed in response to Vince’s question as Tommy moved to the piano. 

“You heard them, Cam! Get your cute ass out here!” Tommy bellowed into his own mic as Cam made her way to the stage. Tommy winked at her as she shuffled onto the stool placed next to Vince and the chords for “Your Song” started playing. 

Everyone was singing, serenading Cam, except for one person. He was enjoying the show, and he knew about this tribute, but no one he knew had ever been close enough to identify Cam. He almost dropped his drink when she came out on stage looking happy and safe. He hated that. He wanted her to burn. And he had the perfect excuse to get close to her: Motley Crue’s meet and greet.

~~~~~~~

The song ended, which meant the show was over. The boys bowed and left the stage, Tommy and Nikki wrapping their arms around Cam’s shoulders as they escorted her off stage. Doc quickly ushered all of them to a separate room where the meetup was going to happen. Fans were quickly arriving, the line filled with a loud buzzing of excitement. 

“Cam, we’re gonna have you greet people as well, but while they wait in line. Is that cool with you?” Zutaut asked, escorting her to the front of the line. 

“Yeah! Find someone to watch Grace for me? Please don’t let it be another groupie; they’ll just try to steal her ‘cause all of Motley has touched her.” 

“On it, doll. Have fun!” Zutaut left Cam to deal with the excited fans that were waiting. She spotted a little girl, maybe four years old, and immediately went towards her.

“Hi sweetie! What’s your name?” Cam asked, kneeling to meet the girl’s eyeline. 

“My name’s Lucy! And you’re Cam!” 

“I am! Lucy is a very pretty name! Are you excited to meet the band?” Cam smiled so brightly, her cheeks hurt. 

“Yes! I mostly wanted to meet you though.” Lucy answered, suddenly getting shy and hiding behind her dad’s leg. 

“Oh yeah? Well besides me, who’s your favorite in the band?”

“Nikki. He’s pretty!” Cam giggled at Lucy’s answer. Cam stood and held out her hand, which Lucy happily took. Cam escorted the little girl and her parents to the room where the band was, and Lucy squealed loudly. 

“Who’s this pretty lady?” Vince asked, kneeling onto the floor, the rest of the band following. 

“This is Lucy! She’s so excited to meet you, isn’t that right?” Lucy nodded, suddenly shy again, but opting to hide behind Cam instead of her dad. 

“Hey, sweetheart! Did you like the show?” Tommy asked. Lucy nodded again. Cam knelt in front of Lucy, running her fingers through her soft blonde hair. 

“Do you want me to introduce you to them? I promise they’re not as scary as they look, it’s just a lot of makeup and hairspray.” Lucy nodded, a smile on her face as Cam lifted up the girl in her arms. 

“This is Mick, and Tommy. That’s Vince, and your favorite on the end is..?”

“NIKKI!!” Lucy squealed as she reached for the bassist. Nikki welcomed Lucy with open arms, the girl squeezing her tiny arms around his neck. Cam smiled at the interaction, shook her parent’s hands, and left the family with Motley. 

As she left to go meet more fans, she couldn’t believe how much the band had changed since Grace had been around. Cam had heard stories about little kids meeting their favorite band, but she’d never seen an interaction like that before. 

Making her way down the line, shaking hands and talking to more fans, a hand popped out from deep within the line and grabbed Cam’s wrist. 

“Hello, gorgeous.” Cam’s heart dropped to her feet as her eyes followed the hand to it’s owner. 

“Dev...” Cam’s throat dried as she choked on his name, a sick smile gracing his lips. 

“Oh so you do remember me. I thought you’d be too busy fucking Motley Crue to notice me.” Cam tried to pull her and away, but Dev’s grip was iron on her wrist. 

“Dev, you need to let me go.” Cam protested as Dev pulled her to his chest, face so close she could smell the beer on his breath. 

“Oh no, I’m not letting you go again. Come on, we’re leaving.” Dev pulled her away from the fans, the altercation turning a few heads. As they made their way down the line, someone grabbed Dev’s shoulder in a futile attempt to help free Cam. Dev’s fist flew through the guy, landing on his nose with a sickening crack. The man fell to the ground, but Dev didn’t flinch as he continued to force Cam away from prying eyes. 

“Excuse me, where are you taking Cam?” Zutaut questioned as the pair exited the meeting area. 

“I’m her boyfriend. Our daughter is sick at home and I had to find Cam so she could help with our child. Right, sweetie?” Cam nodded slowly, but silently prayed Tom would go get Doc or someone equally as strong. 

“Hmm. Strange. You must have her confused with someone else with the same name. That’s Vince’s groupie. Been trailing her around for the last three shows.” Zutaut explained, poorly protecting Cam. 

“No she isn’t. She’s coming home with me.” Before Cam or Zutaut could protest further, Dev dragged the woman out to the parking lot. “You thought you could run away from me and get rid of me that easily? Well, baby, I’ve been tracking you for a while. You’re never leaving me again.” 

Cam flinched as Dev slapped her and then kicked her feet out from under her. Once she was on the floor, Dev let go of her arm and migrated to her hair as he proceeded to beat her senseless. 

“What. Were. You. Thinking?” Dev asked as he punched more bruises onto Cam’s body.

“I don’t know! I’m sorry, Dev! I won’t do it again, I promise! Please stop!” Cam pleaded, spitting up blood with every word.

“I don’t believe you!” Dev yelled, preparing to hit Cam again.

“Well believe this!” Dev fell as Nikki punched him across the face. Sharice (who had been around for a while now) pulled Cam to her feet and helped walk her away from the fight between Motley and her ex-boyfriend. 

“They’re gonna get hurt! We have to go back!” Cam whimpered as Sharice helped her on the bus. 

“I promise you, they’ll be okay. You should know better than anyone how they get when someone fucks with someone they love.” Sharice sat across from Cam, just monitoring the mother. 

“Where’s Gracie?” 

“She’s asleep in the back.” Cam nodded her thanks and laid her head on the seat. The door was slammed open and in an instant, Tommy’s face was in front of Cam’s. 

“Baby, stay with me, okay. Focus on my voice. Keep your eyes open, okay? We’re gonna get you cleaned up. Jesus I’m so sorry this happened to you.” Tommy and Nikki lifted Cam from the chair she was in, but she couldn’t feel her legs as they moved her. They placed her next to the sink in the bus, Nikki fluttering around as Tommy started cleaning up Cam’s face. 

Her eye was already swelling and turning purple, her lip the same way. Her nose was bleeding, and there were scratches all over her body from the asphalt and where Dev had broken skin with his boots. Tommy wet a washcloth under the cold tap, grimacing as Cam flinched. He cleaned her as gently as he could while keeping himself calm. 

“Are you okay?” Cam whispered, gripping her fingers on his t shirt, pulling him closer to her. 

“I should be asking you that question, Cam. I’m gonna kill Zutaut for putting you on line duty!” Cam’s hand migrated from Tommy’s shirt to his hand, wrapping her small bruised one around his. 

“Kill him later. Kiss me now.” Cam begged Tommy. The drummer’s heart shattered, but he nodded and leaned in as Cam followed. Her lips were still bloody and swollen, the feeling made Tommy want to puke. She needed this almost as much as he did, so he stayed pressed to her. Cam pulled away with a whine, tears falling from her swollen eyes. 

“Oh baby. I’m so sorry.” Tommy apologized as he pulled Cam to his chest, letting the mother cry as hard and as long as she needed to. He swore on her life that she wouldn’t get hurt again, and he failed. But that wouldn’t happen again. Even if it was his life for hers, Tommy would do anything to protect Cam, starting with Dev.

~~~~~~

A/N: ashdoueshroioh TWO PARTS IN TWO DAYS! What did you guys think??

Tags:

@kellysimagines

[fire-fira]

More TMNT Junk (this time 2003 post-canon!)

[Ao3 version]

Soooooo I was vaguely thinking about posting this, and then I saw shit that the soggy cheetoh’s doing on my dash, and decided screw it-- to temporarily shove aside that unpleasant BS here’s some more TMNT stuff.

(Full disclaimer, most of this came from me babbling to @sounddrive about this concept. Plus a couple added things thanks to @babblingweirdnonsense. Because why the hell not?)

SO

Just imagine the 2003 turtles living a ridiculously long time. I mean ridiculously long. Like still going strong when they’re around 121. (You can’t really tell me that it couldn’t happen when the Ninja Tribunal are thousands of years old and still look like they’re in their 30s-40s. If they can do it, so can these boys.)

It might be their mutation or it might be their level of chi control (or it might be both), and somehow Usagi's hanging on as long as they have (because separating Leo from his husband after that long would be cruel).

Yes you read that right, we’re going full-on Leosagi/katanashipping for this.

Of course with them being so old that brings up the question of why they wouldn’t have been present for the events of season 6 (since most of it takes place 100 years after they were 18). But I’ve got an explanation for that!

20 years prior to those events they got caught up in a war in Usagi's world and got stuck there. It wasn't supposed to become a war-- it was probably originally just supposed to be a vacation, time away from loud city noises and all that-- but nope! One thing led to another and escalated out of control, and they couldn't turn their backs because that wouldn't be fair-- and then some pain-in-the-ass magic user tried to trap them in that world (maybe to make sure they couldn't get reinforcements).

- Needless to say, they weren’t happy about that.

- So much inventive swearing from Raph. SO MUCH.

Plus Mikey probably adopting who knows how many kids. Because it’s Mikey and he’d hate the idea of leaving any orphaned kid behind when he can do anything about it.

- Though of course this is in addition to any kids he had already adopted over the decades who were spread out over their world and Usagi’s. So he just ends up with even more kids even though he’s already a grandpa... and a great-grandpa... and very likely a great-great-grandpa.

- Mikey will not be stopped.

- Leo and Usagi probably also have their own gaggle of adopted kids/grandkids/great-grandkids (although some actually related to Usagi through his son Jotaro, which is the family secret everyone pretends not to know, at least in Usagi's world), but they've got nothing on the sheer number of children and babies Mikey has taken in. There've been jokes that Mikey alone is going to completely rebuild the Hamato clan just through the number of kids he takes in.

Donnie in Usagi’s world mourns his lack of access to the tech he's used to, but he's been figuring out work-arounds. Mainly because sometimes when he's out in the field he wants nothing more than to just electrocute someone in a fight. What scares others is that he's got several nieces/nephews/etc. who have taken an interest in his inventions and tech to the point that they're sometimes referred to as a specific 'sub-division' of the Hamato clan (which can 'command lightning' and other such claims that most of them scoff at).

Raph's also got parts of the family that will happily glom onto him and follow him around and gleefully switch into 'coordinated ninja mode' when he gives the signal. People outside of the family tend to see Raph as one of the most terrifying of the family, but everyone in the family see him as a big old teddybear.

- Raph tends to lean on the 'scary' facade to keep people at a distance, because by that point he knows that if he doesn't then he's going to end up with a fan club. Again. And people are going to be throwing themselves at him. AGAIN. And he learned his lesson the last time (mostly).

- Though not being able to go anywhere in Japan in Usagi's world when he was about 50 without having people trying to throw themselves at him in increasingly desperate attempts to court him or while pledging their undying love to him was enough of a nightmare that he's amazed that sometimes he still forgets about trying to maintain a distance. Even worse, he still has a few diehard hangers-on that have yet to give up even though they've been trying to chase him for decades. (Usagi thinks this is absolutely hilarious and routinely ends up in cackling fits with Leo over it.)

- Mikey sometimes helps Raph dodge his fans and plays innocent if they spot him.

- (Raph was not counting on being seen as so attractive the first time he went to Usagi's world. For several subsequent visits he still wasn't prepared. When he found out about the first 'fan club' the poor man almost fainted, only to end up hiding for about five hours instead.)

People in that world are reasonably unsurprised by the fact that the turtles are still around (because I can easily imagine turtles in that world on average probably being a little longer-lived), but the surprise comes in with the fact that Usagi's still alive.

- He has made vague comments that maybe living with turtles for so long has affected him.

- He's also made vulgar jokes of varying levels of subtlety that have led Leo to facepalm, blush, clamp a hand over Usagi's mouth, or deliberately interrupt so that he won't have to hear one more comment about how sleeping with Leo has 'magically extended' his life.

- Mikey is terrible and cackles every time. Naturally he encourages Usagi's comments just because Leo is 'Too Old For This Shit™', and therefore it's all the more hilarious to him.

- Usagi’s comments may have drawn them more attention than Leo would prefer.

- (You can thank @babblingweirdnonsense for this sub-point addition.)

Usagi: "The true secret of immortality is to worship the flesh of the Kappa Ninjas. I have bedded the leader, and he in turn worships my flesh and gives me life."

Leo: "Stop telling people that sleeping with me will make them live longer."

Usagi: -winking- "I'm trying to make our bed a bit more fun."

- Leo: "...Look what you did. I bet you're proud of yourself."

Usagi: -smirks- "I am indeed. After all, I know all about the magic of a skilled turtle."

Leo: ". . .I love you, but please stop saying words.”

- Raph and Donnie have mastered 'tuning this shit out for the umpteen-millionth time™'. (The kids still have various levels of shrieking about it though, which is part of what makes it so hilarious to Usagi and Mikey both. They both have a terrible sense of humor.)

Mikey's go-to excuse for why he won't settle down with someone while they're stuck in that world for those 20 years is that he's "married to being a parent" and doesn't have time for a partner. Considering the number of great/grand/kids he has, no one's going to disagree.

- It’s mostly because he doesn’t want to end up in the same situation as Raph.

Then there's the perpetual argument over whether Mikey trying to refer to their family as a clan of 'ninjurai' or 'roninja' is remotely acceptable. He insists that both mashup terms fit perfectly since their family is made up of so many ninja and samurai/ronin. Most of the family disagrees on the principle of 1) those aren't real words, and 2) as old as he is why does he still insist on butchering Japanese as much as possible? (He insists because even as an old man he gets a kick out of being a little shit.)

- Other contenders for mashup terms Mikey’s gotten his family to shoot down are: samuninja, shinorai, ronobi, shininja, and rinjarai.

- Even his great/grand/kids have jokingly threatened to disown him for that.

- The argument has had various iterations going for decades

Everyone who knows anything about the family knows that if they want to interact with anyone who gives a sense of being calm, respectful, polite, and so on to go to Leo. And yet despite this everyone also knows that the five old men are possibly the best fighters in Japan; that all five of them are skilled, resourceful, and responsible. It still doesn't change the fact that at times Leo seems to be the only one who cares even a tiny bit about formality anymore.

- It also doesn't help that Leo probably knows entirely too many secrets from too many high-ranking officials scattered throughout that world's Japan.

- 'Oh yes! The responsible one! The leader! Now we can get some proper negotiations out of the wa- Oh no. It's him.'

- Old man Leo keeping a polite face even while the barest hint of a smile is on his face and amusement is dancing in his eyes-- because he knows.

Donnie's gotten so used to saying outrageous things in a deadpan due to having to occasionally explain his tech as 'magic' that there are times where he'll say something like, "No, it's intended to make an entire wall of a building explode if you sneeze near it," without even giving a hint that he knows he said anything that doesn't make sense.

- Raph may or may not have scared off some obnoxious would-be trouble-makers by telling them that if they didn't straighten up that he'd tell Donnie to just go ahead and summon the demons already.

- Leo's given up trying to tell the two of them to not say things that imply they're sacrificing people in some sort of twisted blood ritual. He's just grateful that their reputation is so wide-spread and they're so well-thought-of (if regarded as very strange) that most people seem to know not to take those comments seriously.

- Usagi may have once claimed that he was sacrificed and brought back from the dead several weeks in a row. Leo just rolled his eyes and pretty much told him to stop telling people that he'd let his brothers ritualistically kill his husband on a regular basis.

When Mikey wants to be lazy or a pest at the kids, he absolutely pulls the 'I'm old, I'm so achy and tired, I can't possibly get to my feet and walk that short distance to get (insert whatever here)' card. No one buys it. They've seen him in a fight, during training, etc. They know he's not 'frail', 'weak', or 'fragile' no matter how much he plays it up.

- Which at least once has resulted in a bout of--

"I can't possibly go on! I'll just stay here. And die. Of thirst. Because my grandchild who I thought loved me won't help dear old Grandpa."

"Grandpa. You were running across rooftops an hour ago. I highly doubt that you 'can't' get up."

"Dying. Of thirst. Leo! Leo, are you there?! Everything... going... dark..."

Leo just shaking his head. "No one in the family believed it when we were kids, no one's believing it now."

"I... can't possibly... move..." Over-exaggerated theater gasp.

"...Grandpa. I don't believe you. That didn't even sound close to a death rattle. And you can see the tea kettle from where you're sitting."

"...Too bad I don't have a good swivel-chair here."

"Mikey, no."

- (This is another sub-point you can thank @babblingweirdnonsense for.)

Mikey: “Child! Please give me that plate of food one foot away from me. My knees hurt.”

Child: “Father, I saw you beating an enemy ninja not two hours ago.”

Mikey: “I am sore from the fight.”

Child: “You were doing a handstand five minutes ago.”

Mikey: “I can no longer walk on my feet! Only my arms work now.”

When they’re finally able to go back to their world (a year after their younger selves return to their time) the media almost has a meltdown. Especially since Cody is able to confirm that they’re them. (Because realistically you can’t tell me that Donnie isn’t a famous scientist in that time. All four of them probably ended up in history books.)

Donnie keeps his deadpan semi-nonsense explanations. (Explaining to family or someone who gets what he’s talking about or doing is one thing. To others? He’ll still say things like “It’s magic” and leave it at that.)

- "No, really, how does it work?"

"The power of jesus."

- It even carries over to Donnie talking to reporters.

Reporter: “Where were the four of you for all these years?”

Donnie: "I could tell you-"

Raph: "-but then he'd have to kill you."

Donnie: "-No I wouldn't. But it'd be difficult to answer."

Reporter: "Could you try to explain?"

Donnie: "...Somewhere over the rainbow and in another dimension."

Raph: "Don, we weren't in frickin' Kansas."

Donnie: "Close enough."

Raph: "No it wasn't. Wasn't even on the same side o' the planet.”

And to top it all off, there’s the random thought of someone trying to suggest that one of the older turtles should probably sit in a chair normally (while they're either sitting on the back or on an arm or upside-down, who knows what), mostly out of concern that they might fall since they’re so old, and just the whole,

"Child, I am far too old and nowhere near straight enough to care about how other people think about how I'm sitting when I'm comfortable."

[80srockher]

Yuri on Ice Re-Watch and Live Commentary, Episode 12: Final Skate: Gotta Super-Super-Supercharge It!!! Grand Prix Final Free Skate

It.  Is.  FINISHED.

You know that feeling when a fan-nish project is projected to take only a few weeks, during the Summer, mind you, but ends up spanning, oh, about three months?  I do, now.

**Begin rant** 

Me, too, Vitya!  End what, Yuri??

I mean, it's more than a little crazy that he thought this is something Victor would be relieved to here.  It's as if they have been existing on different planes of reality.

Listen. Victor has shed tears a grand total of two times in 12 episodes and both incidents involved Yuri.  Yet Yuri still doesn't think he’s important enough to merit more of his Victor’s time away from skating.  Just.  YURI. AUGH!!!

The actor's decision to read this line as if Yuri's revelation has not stabbed Victor in the heart is masterful.  There's only so much pretending the man is capable of.

This is hella relatable as someone who also doesn't want to be touched when I'm upset by THE VERY PERSON WHO UPSET ME.  Give him a minute to process this, Yuri.

This is just a horrible, horrible cap.  Vitya is thoroughly in kicked-puppy-mode.

Um, did you ignore absolutely everything else that occurred afterwards?  Including when he straight-up said to your face that he wishes you'd never retire?

Don't fire him, Yuri!

Yuri was really out there listenin' to friends instead of Victor.  How many times did Victor ignore the others' entreaties to return to competition to remain his coach?  Don't join that Greek chorus. Yuri.      

I beg to differ.  He's always concerned about your well-being, which is why you gave him an expensive-ass symbol of devotion and put it on his ring finger.  Good God, boy.

This inspiration thing goes both ways, Yuri.  LISTEN TO VICTOR.  He is telling you what HE wants In This Moment.  Not what YOU think is best for HIM.    

Like hell! You two hash this out right now!

**End rant**

Look, a skater who was popular back when I used to watch.  LOL.  Stephane L-l-l-l-lambiel!

So, sports reporter Marooka remarks about how Yuri hasn't been seen practicing in public since the day after the short program, which has worried his fans (see, Yuri, you have FANS.)  You mean to tell me Yuri and Victor have been at odds with each other for two whole days now?!?!

Cartoon!Lambiel picks up on Yuri and Victor's uncharacteristically low energy.

You don't say, Stephane.

Also: Victor knows Stephane, personally.  What a celeb.

At least flag guy has re-energized himself since JJ's short program.

"Don't eff it up."

"Don't eff it up."

"Don't eff it up."

He eff'd it up.

Wow, shades of Yuri from episode one.

Deep, bro.

Aww! The parents in this show are the best cheerleaders.  If only there was time during the season to meet all of them.  I'd def like to see Phichit's parents.

So, JJ's dad is reminiscing on some of his son's past coaches.  Celestino, then played by Peg Bundy, was one of them.

Also…. I'm really curious as to what JJ needed to say yes to.

Damn you, Mickey Lannister Crispino!  Hands off!

Seung Gil! What an awesome cameo.  

I don't know much about scoring in figure skating but this seems a mite high for a program that was mostly jumps.

Yay! No other comment needed.

Phichit's ice-show dreams are as adorable as he is.  Christophe with a hamster cap is utterly, utterly charming.  I would fork over cold, hard blood plasma donation cash to see this in person.

It shouldn't be like this between them; especially not when Yuri plans to end his competitive career, here.

And really, why is Yuri so upset with Victor?  I suspect Yuri's selfishness runs deeper than either of them realize. IMO, he's afraid Victor might come to resent him if he retires from skating to coach him, then regrets it.

But honestly, Yuri should know Victor better than that by now.

Despite everything, Victor is still trying to be the coach Yuri needs.

But… Yuri doesn't want Victor to play coach right now.

So tickle his fancy, Victor.

Um…

Victor has an interesting sense of humor.

Also, he did win the one against the teenagers at the local comp.  Though I have no idea if a qualifier is considered part of the Senior circuit.

Yeah, katsudon's not the only way to celebrate, Yuri.  Victor wants to really give you something worth winning for.

This is just an R&B song waiting to happen.

Hmm… whatever could you mean, Yuri?

I really love how they've cut Yuri's long program with clips of Victor from Yuri's memory.  It's a visual culmination of a journey.

Ahh, that's what he meant about making up his mind about his goal.  And that's why he wanted Victor to stop playing at being coach.  Because he wasn't going to listen to him, anyway.  You know, the usual.

Yuri's internal dialogue during his routine reveals his desire to stay in figure skating with Victor forever and his fear of killing Victor's career if he remains Yuri's coach.  Victor… have you not shared with the man how competition was already slowly killing you? Might wanna do that sometime in the very, very near future.

Yuri… just loves Victor.  He can't always articulate how much, but he can show it.  His program is one big tribute to Victor and Yuri's desire to prove everyone how much Victor means to him as a coach and an inspiration.

And Victor gets the message loud and clear.

Mari+Minako are, yet again, Me.

Something I should've wondered by now is how half-blind Yuri can tell where Victor is standing.

The monkey-on-his-back that is Anxiety.

Seriously, you performed to the absolute best of your ability, Yuri.  Relax.  Relate. Release.  

Wowsa, dude.

Sooooo, Victor has just congratulated Yuri on his record-breaking performance and implies that he might come back to competition in the same breath he confesses his pride in both his pupils.  The possibility of Victor's return delights Yuri to no-end but gives me pause.  A lot of pause.

Victor. My dude.  Are you just trying not to ruin the mood?  Because quite honestly, one of the very valuable lessons you should've learned on this journey is that a little selfishness can be a good thing.  I know you want to make a grand gesture after Yuri's grand gesture but YOU CAN'T BOTH KEEP MAKING GRAND GESTURES.  You'll hurt yourselves trying to show the world your love.  

Moving on... Chris is on the ice, having serious thoughts about how Yuri, who was rumored to retire after the GPF, beat his personal best.  He laments that it won't be as easy for him to win gold as he first thought.

Then he witnesses the happy couple doing their thing.

And gets distracted.  

This is in regards to Victor.  Chris is rethinking his initial calculation of GPF - Victor = gold for him.

Aww, Chris is Phichit's buddy.  Why am I not surprised?

This scene is after Chris decides to change an earlier jump composition to the second half of his program.  Can't say he's not a fighter.

Dawww, Minako.

Really? That's it?!  By my estimation, that program was better than JJ's.  What am I missing?

Boo, this is the last time I'll see my babe, Leo.

But I concur.  Go, Otabek! I'm fond of his music choices, skating, and his costumes.  

So, Victor finds Yakov to tell him he wants to return to competition.  I mean, it couldn’t have waited until after Yurio’s skate, V?

Once upon a time, news of Victor's return may have pleased Yurio.  Now, his first concern is Yuri.  

And Victor is Not.  Happy. About this.  He’s about to cry here, tbqh.

Annnnd he requires immediate comfort.  This is sad. More than sad, when I consider Victor is letting Yuri call the shots, here.  Competing again should be Victor's own decision, as well.

Yeah, that's good advice to pass along, Victor.

I've been debating as to whether or not I should parse out the intricacies of Victor's isolation.  Honestly, I think the writers did a well-enough job of it.  I suppose I still wonder, as many others have, about his family.

I'll go out on a limb and assume he has or had people in his life that taught him to love like he does and to treat other people kindly.  One doesn't learn those sorts of things in a vacuum.  However, I headcanon Victor as having been scouted and, once recruited, moved closer to a training facility, a la these athletes.

So, isolated?  Yes. Friend-less and family-less?  I doubt it, or at least it wasn't always that way.

Meanwhile, Yuri's looking for his man.  Perhaps to tell him that he's already changed his mind about retiring?  In that case, please, look harder Yuri!

Just needed to slide in this cap of Mila getting sprung by Otabek's skating.  Good taste, Mila.

I don't know who JJ has in his pocket on the judging panel, but Otabek just completed a perfect program AND he was ahead of JJ after the short program.  Logic would dictate he'd be ahead of JJ now. But, do as you will, YOI.

This is in regards to Yuri.  In flashbacks during Yurio's routine, we discover that he was actually impressed with Yuri's prior GPF free skate, despite the errors.  It was only after he found Yuri crying in the bathroom stall that he lost respect for him.  Must be Yurio's special brand of encouragement: "Stop crying, get better, or get out of the game!"  Yeah. That must be it.

Anyway, now Yurio has changed his tune and doesn't want Yuri to retire, at all. Cute.

Lilia is so proud of her angry, pseudo- son.

 Yurio completes his most difficult program ever with only one fall.  During his skate, it's revealed that part of his motivation was to become a new goal for Yuri to surpass.  That's nice and all, but not at the expense of your own health, Yurio.

I don't think Yuri would want that for him, either.

Yurio defeats Yuri by a sliver of a margin.  I will admit to initially being surprised by the result before considering (and re-considering, after this re-watch) a few things:

Yurio won because it's entirely possible he may not win again for at least a little while.

His lack of stamina is well-documented, he's in the Senior circuit with grown men who can, and have, beat him already, and he's yet to hit a growth spurt. If the series continues into a second season, then I foresee the writers exploring these very realistic scenarios for Yurio.

This is partially why I don't predict Yurio achieving what Victor has, at least not right away.  There's not enough drama in that narrative to fill up an entire season, IMO.

Or, at the very least, they'll use Yurio to address the conflict over becoming as isolated as Victor has during his struggle to maintain dominance in the sport.

Yurio won because the name of the show is 'Yuri on Ice’.

Also, if the writers decide to have Yuri eventually retire (because he is of that age), then they don't even have to change the show’s title.  How convenient.

Last, and what I think is obviously implied in this episode: Yurio won so that Yuri would change his mind about retiring.

However… Yuri had already changed his mind.  And his biggest motivator in that decision was still Victor, so… kinda wish they hadn't made Yurio go out and suffer like that for no good reason. Honestly, there's little chance of him repeating this performance.

Anyway….

Awww! Yay!

So, Victor's in a teasing mood after Yuri presents him with his well-earned silver medal. Victor insists that he only wants to kiss gold.  So, what do you have that would be a suitable substitute, Yuri?

Eff that medal Yuri just unceremoniously dropped to the ground in preference to hopping in Victor's lap.  Coach me for another year, Victor!

What a lovely step forward for our boy, Yuri.  He didn't win gold but, all joking aside, Victor doesn't care.  Yuri’s next gold medal will be a token to Victor, instead of unnecessary proof that he was worth Victor’s time, all along.

Besides, I think he’s already given Victor the only golden item he truly wants.

But, I mean, only if you WANT to, Victor.  Are you afraid Yuri will change his mind if you change yours?  I hope that's not the case.

 Apparently, this is the only payment Victor will accept for coaching Yuri. Ok, so you're going to compete and hopefully earn some sponsorship money to pay your own bills all while coaching someone else for free?  Do we need to have a 'Victor on Ice,' a show about Victor re-learning the value of doing one thing at a time?

Roll credits!

How sweet!

The serendipity that is cartoon-world.  "I want to coach a skater from another country while also competing for my own country and you can't stop me because I'm animated!"

or

"I want to do a pair skate with my coach for my exhibition.  Know why?  Because the writers say I can!!  Ha!"

Anyway, this is romantic AF.

Cut to this adorbs face...

Running towards this one, here.

And yeah. WE'D BETTER.  Because their story isn’t over!

 The End!

If you managed to get through my all streams of consciousness, full of bad screencaps and even worse grammar, then I humbly and sincerely thank you!  I enjoyed doing it and hope you enjoyed reading it.  

[attract-mode-collective]

Exactly 79 Photos & Videos Concerning The Game Boy (plus other handhelds)

So... hope you’ve all been following me on Twitter, which is more or less the unofficial new home for Attract Mode. Mostly cuz Tumblr’s days are, alas, numbers, plus I haven’t warmed up to Medium as much as I had hoped to. Though I’ve actually spent the past two months republishing every single post that contains mainline Game Culture Snapshots, so it has remained somewhat useful at least.

Now, for a while there, I had been compiling every single thing tweeted. But because I’m now so damn active on that end… plus I’m busier than ever with other projects… I’m way behind with those digest posts, and the very idea of playing catch up legit gives me anxiety. Yet I have been sharing lots of cool things, which all deserve to be in the blog proper… and because a lot of them are specific to the Game Boy, I figure, why not just focus on that?

Like the above, which is a technique for producing full color photographs via the Game Boy Camera, and yet another thing that I can’t believe hasn’t made the rounds!

Sticking with Game Boy photography, here have a pair of mods that will greatly enhance picture quality. The first involves mounting SLR lens onto a Game Boy Camera (via ekeler.com)...

And the second has one shoving a Game Boy Camera into a SLR itself (via @MaxKriegerVG)...

As someone who was into video games as a kid, and also interested in photography, the Game Boy Camera was the first camera I was able to call my own. Am pretty sure this was the case for others as well?

I also remember seeing this ad in Nickelodeon Magazine (which I would eventually writer for, not too long later) and being absolutely gob smacked (via nintendroid.org)…

Though as much I loved Nintendo brand of FUNtography, I would quickly discover… as did everyone else I also assume… that taking pictures is serious business (via @PolandNintendo)…

Not only did I have a Game Boy Color, but I also had the Game Boy Printer (I still own both, for the record). Unfortunately my snapshots from Link’s Awakening have long since faded, but as with many things, you can find copies online (via gameandgraphics.com)…

Speaking of the world of print, coming soon is a handy guide to Nintendo handy game machine (via miki800.com)…

That one magazine ad featuring Princess Peach catch your eye as well? Well here’s a much better look at it (via suppermariobroth)…

I love handheld gadgets of all kinds, yet some of the popular ones confuse me. Like Hudson’s Shooting Watch; it makes no sense to have a gadget that can detect button presses without a game attached. Guess I’m not alone (via instagram.com/kazzycom)…

A realization I made while sifting through Game Boy related content is how popular the color yellow is with many. Cuz Pokemon? Anyhow, the final post from a blog that specializes in gorgeous photographs of gorgeous hardware, which I just brought up again very recently (via hard-aware)…

How your parents used to trade Pokemans online (via melonjaywalk)…

And no, Game Boys weren't the only things that one could connect to keitais ya know. And yes, Game Boys aren’t the only portables I’ll be showcasing (via anthony10000000)…

I own quite a few VMUs and am always looking to expand my collection… but nothing yellow, sorry. Instead, I want the one covered with dolphins (via anthony10000000)…

So my new favorites artist is Eri Kitamura, and not just cuz she makes pretty looking Game Boys…

She also makes pretty looking girls playing Game Boys (well, this one is technically listening to music)…

Was originally going to post the first thing from Eri that caught my eye, which is a Game Boy with a girl on it, but instead here’s a Game Boy with a girl on it playing a Game Boy…

Time for two more videos from the same individual responsible with the process for producing color photographs at the very top. And it’s what everyone has been waiting… specifically the backlit Game Boy Color mod everyone has been waiting for.

The process is detailed in this two-part video, and here’s the first one (it’s about 50 minutes long cuz spoilers: this shit ain’t easy)…

And here’s part two, which is ONLY 40-ish minutes long…

The author of the videos actually has a store, so if the process seems a bit too daunting, you can purchase a pre-modded unit for $250. Actually, this one is $260, cuz of the dual shells. Quite the price tag, yet somehow totally worth it (via instagram.com/esotericmods)…

Now might be a good time to mention how… remember that GBA with the GameCube finish from eBay a few months back? Well, I decided to get the one that resembles a Super Famicom, something I’ve been lusting over for years.

Well, here’s what the aforementioned seller had in his listing…

And this is what I got instead…

Yeah, that green shoulder button is not the right shade. After some complaining, I got the seller to admit that the one in the picture was hand painted; he didn’t know where it get ones that it’s exact color as on a Super Fami controller.

He also had a no refund policy, yet I bitched & moaned enough to warrant an exchange, for another Cube-esque model, one sans the stick. Cuz it’s comparatively boring to look at, here’s a version with the stick…

Again, mine just has the standard d-pad. As for my replacement… the colors of the A & B buttons are not an exact match, once again. But it’s close enough (am mostly just sick of dealing with that guy, aka johnnys_merchandise, whom you should all avoid btw), plus I have started to scour AliExpress for replacements.

BTW, my failure to obtain a modded handheld that channels another form of hardware has me wondering if I should go for something completely different instead (via instagram.com/wakuwakuisland)…

Up in the mountains, flower bloom amongst Game Boys & Game Boy Colors, whereas deep in the forest, you’ll find mushrooms and Game Boy Advances (via pxchinko)…

Some say memories are fuzzy, though for others, they're leafy (via lyosphe)…

I’ve looked all over for tinycartridge's original post, but no luck, so you can all instead have my personal copy of the earthy wallpaper that was shared years ago (and which I still to this very day)...

The Game Boy Micro, DS, and DS Lite are like family, and like siblings, there can the occasional squabble (via benkyo-es)…

@frankcifaldi: When I met this guy in 2003 and he told me he was going to make an extensive fan site about the Supervision, a Taiwanese Game Boy knockoff, I was like "sure dude." 15 years later he actually launched the thing??

Meanwhile, the Game & Watch Perfect Catalogue just came out, with the full low down on all 59 models. BTW, had no idea there were 59 in total until @ionadisco mentioned it…

How Game & Watches were sold in America; I fondly recalls this ad in-between the pages of Amazing/Spectacular/Web of Spider-Man (via suppermariobroth)…

And how Game Boys were sold in Japan, one day one apparently, which would explain this salesperson’s rather perplexed demeanor (via flashbak.com)…

Silly as it sounds, and as silly as he looks, the US version of Firebrand is nonetheless a warm & welcoming face from my childhood (via nintendometro)...

Mario dropping a knowledge bomb (via suppermariobroth)…

Here’s Peach seemingly kicking Toad’s ass in Super Mario Bros Deluxe, which I’ve been meaning to tweet for a while now, but now seems like the right time & place for obvious reasons (via nintendometro)…

A cute comic about someone finally beating a game after ten years, or at least I believe that's the case (you know, language barrier and all; via @desune593)

Sailor Moon seems to enjoy handheld gaming more so than in the arcades (via uglygreenjacket)…

It saddens me that ravages of time is robbing me of my precious memories, including the names of 90s anime, hence why I had to ask on Twitter who exactly is this (answer was Tenchi Muyo; via shxtfased)...

It’s SethEverman, just playing some pokemon blue…

Speaking of music, it again saddens me that I wasn’t about to make the trip to Japan to catch chiptunes at Square Sounds, and various associated venues. At least @bit_shifter_ took this great snapshot of Glomag at Cyberpunks Osaka…

Meanwhile, here in NYC, we actually still have record stores. And you can grab Josh’s latest release, his first in 12 years(!) at Rough Trade (via bit-shifter)…

Though back to Japan; attended Square Sounds would have also afforded me the chance to check out Tokyo Game Show, where I could have gotten that VMU shaped USB drive that was being sold at the Sega booth (via miki800)…

A few weeks before TGS, there was an earthquake in Japan, in northern island Hokkaido. Many were left without power, but one person was able to keep up with the news, thanks to an old DS peripheral that basically provides bunny ears (via kotaku.com)…

On a semi-related note, here’s someone watching old ECW VHS tapes on their Game Gear (via heavyelectricity)…

Sorry, but the only other thing I have that’s related to Sega’s Master System on the go is this gif from a pizza ranch salad dressing (yikes) commercial, which was cross-promoting Sonic Chaos (via sonicthehedgeblog)...

I have no idea why I'm so amused by this Getty Image of a Neo Geo Pocket that was confiscated at summer camp. Or perhaps no explanation is needed? (via hellomrkearns)…

Speaking of the Great Outdoors, here’s my buddy Steve enjoying some Mario Kart 8 in the middle of a forest (via instagram.com/vitaminsteve)…

And speaking of Mario Kart on the Switch, Bowser seems like a pretty cool dood to have a car trip (via suppermariobroth)…

The Switch is so beloved that people are doing fan art, not for any particular game but the simple the act of playing with it (via annazees)…

Granted, one of the best things about the Switch is all the different ways in which one can play (via kanekoshake)…

If you enjoy your Switch on the go and are looking for a way to store games… and are a diehard Breath of the Wild fan as well… plus if you have access to a 3D printer (via miki800.com)…

It’s a tribute to Star Wars… games… all of them… featuring Princess Leia focused on her DMG (via deviantart.com/robduenas)...

BTW, do you still have your Game Boy? If not, here ya go (via anthony10000000)…

When the realization hits that your Game Boy Color library is incomplete (via @Bootleg_Stuff)…

Back to my buddy Steve, who visited the Primark at the Staten Island mall and took pics of the game related apparel that, sadly, were no longer in stock by the time I was able to swing by. With the one thing I really wanted being this shirt…

This pair of Super Mario Land X Air Jordans is only $1,350.00 (via miki800.com)…

I’m sure you’ve seen him already, but for the sake of completion, here’s that grandpa from who rigged this bike with 11 phones to become a Pokemon Go master (via bbc.com)…

Yet another sign of our times, literally (via fuckdragonballz)…

This image features a PSP and a MacBook, both of which are from the mid-2000s, yet feels very late 1990s/early 2000s. Why? Those USB cables (via jcgraphix)…

And last but not least, here’s Paris Hilton with her DS in 2005 (via @ParisHilton)…

[layceland]

So, heres a translation of the new villanous animation I did for @zwagyzonk, full of author notes no one asked for uwu Enjoy it <3

Bh Narrator: Welcome, clients desperately waiting for an evil help, to the orientation videos from Blackhat Organization™. Get ready for another season on what you /don't/ have to do, here in the “lost cases of-”

Original The Powerpuff Girls Narrator: “-Townsville!” A city that possesses one of the most diverse and dangerous collection of villains in the-

Bh Narrator: hey hey, wait a minute, who the heck are you?

Ppg Narrator: Me? I'm the narrator.

Bh Narrator: In your dreams, /I/ am the narrator.

Ppg Narrator: What are you talking about?! /I’ve/ always been the narrator of “Townsville!”.

Bh Narrator: but we are /not/ in Townsville.

Ppg Narrator: but, but-

Bh Narrator: get out of here. Townsville! A pacific place, always protected by- Ugh, who cares. Now I present to you, Lord BlackHat!

Blackhat: Welcome, disgusting cockroaches-

Flug: U-uh, sir?

Blackhat: *growling*

Flug: I-I just wanted to say that you look gloriously evil today-

Blackhat: In this occasion, we are analyzing one of the most recognized, disgusting and deplorable villains of Townsville. /Mojo Jojo/. This primate is slightly more developed than the average human.

Flug: sir, he's just a banana lover monkey.

Blackhat: Bah, for me all of you are the same. Anyways, his big mistake is not to hire our Blackhat Organizations™  services. There are some things that only I can do, and I might, and that's the end of it! (I didn't really understand what he meant here either, sorry)

Flug: Um, hold up sir. Mojo is a black diamond platinum member of the organization, and has spent millions in our products-

STAND BYBlackhat: Mojo Jojo, a disgusting and merciless primate, evil genius from “NightmareVille”

Flug: Um, sir, isn't Townsville one of our multiple test zones for our manufactured monsters?

Blackhat: If you dare interrupt me again you’ll hAVE TO MANUFACTURE A NEW HEAD FOR YOURSELF. The attribute that makes Mojo Jojo a specimen more advanced than the average human is his superior intellect!

Flug: But not superior to mine!

Blackhat: He posses a big arsenal of weapons and deadly machinery!

Flug: Almost as deadly as the ones in our catalog, sir! (why is dementia only 1 peso per month, and where do I sing)

Blackhat: an evil hideout on top of a volcano

Flug: That’s not as cool as a giant hat completely habitable!

Blackhat: And a /long/ list of purchases from Blackhat Organizations™  

Flug: Designed and constructed by a true genius.

.

(Okay, there's a joke here that can't really be translated, since depending on what translation of the show you watched (The Latin American or the European one) their name change. In Latin America they're called “Las chicas superpoderosas”=”the super powerful girls”, meanwhile in Spain they are called “Las chicas coquetas”=”the flirty girls”. They're both correct, just from different places so. I dunno how they'll do the actual translation, but the dialog goes something along this)

.

Blackhat: The ones that ruin his evil plans are his arch nemesis, The Flirty Girls.

Flug: They’re the Super Powerful Girls, my lord and master!

Blackhat:... *shoot that bitch*

Flug: AY! Ow my ass!

Blackhat: This Flirty Girls are the defenders of “Trashtown”. And they're not more than three kids, still in kindergarten! I don't need to see the rest, his mistake is to lose his dignity against human children that have not even developed fingers!

Flug: *shaking* he’s a frequent platinum client, a frequent platinum client!

STAND BY

Blackhat: Let's analyze his diabolic plans. Ah, the head of Anubis, one of the oldest and MOST USELESS RELICS IN THE WORLD. The only thing he's gonna achieve is turning everyone in “Shoeville” into dogs! What kind of villain would like to rule over a world full of dogs! Instead, he should have used Quetzalcoatl's (I have no idea what that is) head! Now that's an actual relic~

Bh Narrator: A deadly relic with an offer to die for! Now you can rent Quetzalcoatl's head to incinerate your heroic enemies, and not have to worry about where to put it away when you're done using it! Rent it to destroy your hero, the hero league, your mother-in-law, or-

Ppg Narrator: “-Townsville!”. Don't miss this crushing offer, only for the next 24 hours!

Bh Narrator: Get out of here, this is my show!

Ppg Narrator: Hehehe, doesn't feel so good when they're trying to steal your job now, does it?

Bh Narrator: Get out!

-

Blossom: Not so fast,

Buttercup: Evil

Bubbles: Monkey!

Mojo Jojo: Listen here, PowerPuff Girls, you're not a threat anymore~

Powerpuff Girls: *barking*

-

Blackhat: Ah, I see he's also an enthusiast about kicking cute creatures. But he’ll never outrange my multiversal record of distance traveled in one kick!

5.0.5: *squeal while getting fucking wrecked*

-

Mojo Jojo: Muahaha, you can reach me here!

Buttercup: *bite that ass*

Blackhat: It's obvious that monkey is as pathetic as the rest of the biped creatures that infest this world…

Bh Narrator: If you're so weak then even a group of cute puppies can defeat you, then you need the bottom cover the Blackhat Organization™! (why is the warranty only 30 seconds, BH please) Uh, w-what are you doing here Dementia?

Dementia: I'm here to narrate, duh~

Bh Narrator: Why does everybody want to steal my job today!

Ppg Narrator: You're the one stealing my job! And you didn't even go to narrator school!

Dementia: No, but I found this!

Bh and Ppg Narrator: What?! *get zapped biatch*

STAND BY

Flug: Dementia, and the narrator?! Don't you see they charge by the hour?!

Dementia: I thought you were smart Flug! Isn't it obvious? Now /I’m? The narrator! And I'm here to narrate a... “Dementia Tips!” Hi! It’s me, Dementia, and I'm here to help y'all weak villains that can't even protect your own ass with my Dementia Tips! In this case, if a hero tries to bite your booty, what you have to do is… Open an umbrella in their mouth! Or… Flood their house with raccoons! *ominous* Or you can shoot them… With your silicone pistol! *singing* Tatara, silicone power~

Flug: Dementia! Leave, you’re ruining everything! (here he uses an explanation that I don't know what it means exactly)

Dementia: Nya na na na na *mockingly singing*

Flug: Hawkbots(?), catch her, lethal mode~.

Dementia: You’ll never catch me alive!

TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES

STAND BY

Blackhat: One of the biggest injustices that villains suffer, is that they always have to fight against teams of heroes! To contrarest this factor, a mediocre villain must for his own team of villains. In this case, Mojo Jojo forms an alliance with Fuzzy Lumpkins, Princess Morbucks, and *weird creepy noises*

Flug: hm, why does that happen every time someone says Him’s real name?

Blackhat: When someone says his name, weird things happen, when someone says mine, people die, to each their own~

-

Powerpuff Girls: *screaming*

Him: I got you~

Princes: Yes! Yes! Yes!

Fluffy: Now, to leave them on the floor!

Blackhat: Muahahaha! Yes! Yes! Again! Again! Muahahaha!

Flug: You see, my master? Mojo’s evil alliance looks like it’s gonna be victorious! He managed to crush The Powerpuff Girls more than once!

Blackhat: I’ve been in this world enough to know that feelings are about to destroy this alliance…

Moko Jono?: *Annoying ass noise*

Mojo Jojo: I love you too~

Him: Oh no…

Blackhat: I told you so!

Mojo Jojo: This is the lovely Moko Jono(?), she has great evil plans in mind that we should try~ Imagine people getting desperate because they cant reach their destination in time!

Blackhat: That's not evil, that's just inconvenient!

Mojo Jojo: Stealing articles that are completely white doesn't go against the law, so we are taking them!

Blackhat: If it's legal to take them, then you're not stealing them!

Mojo Jojo: The louder you scream, the more it’ll hurt the ones listening!

Him, Princes and Fluffy: We quit!

Blackhat: And I'm out of here!

Zookeeper: Come here Michelle~

Mojo Jojo: Whos Michelle? Moko, you know who- ah!

Flug: Um... Lord Blackhat had to leave to do… really ugly stuff.

Blackhat: *Playing golf*

Flug: I'm going to continue analyzing this villain, starting with rule 10v3, do not involve your heart, don't be like that. Now, let's see what Mojo is planning this time.

Ppg Narrator: Ah, Mojo Jojo, what are you planning this time?

Bh Narrator: I thought I told you that this is my show! *rewind* Oh, Mojo Jojo, what are you planning this time?

Professor Utonium: Oh, Mojo Jojo, what are you planning this time?

Blossom: If you hurt the Professor-

Mojo Jojo: You think I'd hurt my own dad?

Blossom: What?!

Bubbles: What?!

P.Utonium: What?!

Flug: What? Blackhat’s newspaper: “What?” “Powerpuff girls siblings with Mojo Jojo?”

Mojo Jojo: The substance explosion that created you three did also affect me. My little monkey brain started mutating. Continuously feeling worthless against your physical powers! My brilliant achievements going underrated…

Flug: *crying* That's not fair, not fair. It's too sad, shu, shu. I Understand my “Mojito”, I understand, come on you can do it.

Mojo Jojo: ...Never poor Jojo.

P.Utonium: Mojo, I feel like a tyrant, is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

Mojo Jojo: Give me superpowers as well.

P.Utonium: Okay

The Powerpuff Girls: *little girly gasp*

Flug: In my experience, giving superpowers to beings with suboptimal intelligence never really ends well.

-

Mojo Jojo: ...Dad?

P.Utonium: Son?

Flug: Ah, a classic, he's using his enemies as baseball bats. Lord blackhat loves to do that~

Blackhat: Yes! I do love to do that!

Flug: *Slowly clapping* who would have thought? You're not as incompetent as I thought.

Blackhat: Just wait and see, noob, this always ends with a letdown

Mojo Jojo: So many weapons and evil plans, all worthless! *wreck that shit*

Flug: Ah! What are you doing?! Dementia, stop!

Dementia: Eh? But I’m not doing anything!

Flug: Ah, s-sorry, post-traumatic stress…

P.Utonium: Now that I remember, you were the worst lab helper! And If my memory doesn't fail me, it was that day, when I was working on the formula for the perfect little girl, when suddenly, you pushed me!

Flug: I mean, who in his right mind thinks of having a monkey as an employee? I don't know what you expected.

P.Utonium: That’s the day The Powerpuff Girls were born!

Flug: What?!

Blackhat: WHAT?!

Flug: What? You’re responsible for their birth and the reason of their existence?!

Mojo Jojo: ...What? I am responsible for their birth and the reason of their existence?

Flug: Unbelievable, he made the classic mistakes of an evil genius! This where his mistakes; Number one, you can involve affection into your plans. That disgusting feeling ruins everything.

5.0.5: *weird noises he makes*

Flug: Not now, my beautiful, genetically altered child, dad is working~. Number two, he never shuts up. And after a long list of mistakes, like excessive confidence, wear a cape, and lose against human children, without a doubt his worst mistake was creating his arch nemesis! Who in his right mind is capable of such foolery?! This is unthinkable! There's only one thing I can do to make something better out of this brute.

Mojo Jojo: *shaking, tied with whatever that is*

Flug: from an evil genius to another Mojo, let me tell you, this won't kill you, even tho you might wish it would.

Ppg narrator: and once again, everything is worse than ever thanks to Lord blackhat and Blackhat Organizations™’s orientation videos!

Blackhat: Shut up already!

Ppg Narrator: *scream like the lil bitch you are*

.

.

.

Anyways, it’s my first time translating something this long, so any tip is welcomed <3 

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 07 part one

(Masterpost)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Clan Sanren

Lanny Granny gets a second wind and continues her Yin Iron Webinar.

Wei Wuxian explains that although he was adopted by the Jiang Clan, Baoshan Sanren is his grandmaster, via his mom. Lan Yi claims to think that this is pretty great.

Lan Yi: Wow, amazing, my ex girlfriend who I dumped has settled down and started her own family Clan now, that’s so great. I’m so happy for her. So happy. So great. I mean, when I left I didn’t really picture her finding happiness first, you know? I kind of expected to have settled down myself by now but it’s hard to date when you’re trapped in an ice cave putting headbands on rabbits for 100 years. But it’s fine! I love my life and I’m sure eventually I’ll find that special rabbit person.  Anyway I’m just...SUPER happy for Baoshan. Really. Really happy. For Baoshan. 

Lan Wangji also appears to have thoughts about it, because he reacts pretty intently.

 Lan+Sanren 4EvR. 

Wang Yibo is looking extra fine in this cave sequence, with no headband to distract from his fierce eyebrows.  

Lan Wangji asks Lan Yi if she’s the one who pulled them into the cave, and she says nope, and then nobody ever explains how they ended up in the cave. “Perhaps it’s destiny” does not count as an explanation. 

Lan Gran explains that her battery is running down. The Lan bunnies are not energizer bunnies, apparently. She also tells them that it’s impossible to destroy the Yin Iron and that the only solution is to put it back in the cave and try to suppress it again. 

(more after the cut)

However by Episode 23 it inexplicably becomes super easy to destroy the Yin Iron...

...meaning Lan Yi spent 100 years in a cave for nothing, other than writing the Definitive Guide to Rabbit Headbands. 

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get back into Hardy Boys cultivator mode, but this time with an extremely long held gaze, which I think is their first time doing this.

I mean...even if these boys are 100% neurotypical (and hello, they are not), this is a LOT of eye contact. I can't gaze that long at anything except my phone screen. 

We Will Achieve The Thing Together

Narrator: they will not achieve the thing

The reason I got into c-drama in the first place is, after decades of western storytelling tropes, it’s so refreshing to watch a story and have literally no idea what’s going to happen. Even when the story sets things up to happen a certain way according to my learned experience of stories, it just doesn’t play out that way. For example, if you’re watching The Lost Tomb Reboot and you expected the jade-mining sequence to end with a slave uprising, you were as surprised as I was. 

Here Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian promise to do their best to find and suppress the Yin iron. Lan Wangji is going to fail at this, allowing this here piece to fall into the hands of the Wens, because unlike his uncle he's not willing to let his clan die to protect it.  

Wei Wuxian is going to take his not-doing-the-thing several steps further, finding and refining his very own piece of extra-badass Yin iron. Yes, he has reasons for this and a lot of stuff happens along the way, but in terms of your typical quest storyline, it would be as if Frodo figured out how to use the one ring to kick Sauron’s ass, rather than (with help) destroying it. Again: this is why I LIKE c-drama. 

Lan Wangji tries to shut Wei Wuxian out of his quest and Wei Wuxian makes a short but utterly character-defining speech. 

You can’t stop me

I know what’s right. 

And then he says that his Grandmaster Baoshan Sanren was isolated because of the Yin Iron, and he has a responsibility to her. Lan Yi agrees. So...he just kinda quit the Jiang Clan right there, didn’t he? In favor of eventually becoming a wandering cultivator like his Grandmaster and clan uncle (Xiao Xichen), and like his mother. 

He is also going to follow in his father’s footsteps by upsetting his Clan Leader when he falls in love. Gosh, he also, like his parents, will die and leave an orphan to fend for himself. So -- the apple doesn't fall far from the tree I guess.

He doesn't realize the pickle he’s getting himself into, of course. Being Wei Wuxian, he thinks he can balance all of his increasing obligations, but being human, he won’t be able to. 

Pardon Our Entwinement

Lan Yi leaves to catch the spiritual plane, the Yin iron drops, the ward breaks, and Wen Ning appears to download a new software update. The kind that breaks your video driver and photoshops your eyeballs.  

Wen Qing comes nosing around the cave wall, and Jiang Cheng stops by to ask what she’s up to. 

He hopes she’s trying to find his brother, just like he will fail to do for her & her brother one day.  

The boys fall out of the wall together, in a nice example of the “oops I’m accidentally humping you” c-drama romance trope. To keep it censor-friendly, Wei Wuxian is actually on the ground next to Lan Wangji’s right knee but the shot is framed so that at a glance he appears to be in a much cozier position. 

Lan Wangji goes on an expression journey don’t say facial through several “oh shit we’re caught” faces, while Wei Wuxian shows Lan Wangji a few iterations of his oh-face. 

Jiang Cheng wants to know what the fuck they have been getting up to for a day and a night. 

The movie wasn't so hot, it didn't have much of a plot, we fell asleep our goose is cooked our reputation is shot

Wen Qing detects that they were somewhere cold and decides it’s her turn to ask nosy questions. Lan Wangji does the guilty startle thing. 

Fortunately Wei Wuxian doesn’t have that problem.

He turns his answer into a prolonged whine about how cold it was, how lost they were, etc. This annoys Jiang Cheng into dropping it and saying they should head back. 

I’m awesome right? so awesome right?

Wei Wuxian gives Lan Wangji a significant look to show that he’s deploying a rhetorical strategy on purpose to distract his questioner. Lan Wangji super does not know how to do that. 

Flute + Yin Iron = Profit

Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji get to watch as Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen tame the hunk of iron and stick it in the bag of holding. Wei Wuxian pays verrrryyy careful attention to this whole “use a flute to control the Yin iron” lesson. 

Lan Xichen really should reconsider his music-lessons side hustle. Arguably this one doesn’t turn out as badly for him personally as teaching guqin to Jin Guangyao does, but it doesn’t turn out great, either. 

知己啊  - zhi-ji-ah

This mostly-tedious Yin Iron conversation with the elders includes a super-important WangXian moment.

Wei Wuxian calls Lan Wangji his zhiji. This is the same word he will use later in the “what am I to you?” conversation during the Jin night hunt, and the word Lan Xichen will use when saying why Lan Wangji wouldn’t repudiate him during his forced isolation. As always, for the full meaning of this word, @hunxi-guilai​ is brills.

A Wen spy bird shows up, and Lan Wangji really wants to chase it, but Lan Xichen says no. 

This happens a lot, actually. Lan Wangji is not a cool-headed person, despite appearances.  Likewise the boys want to go searching for the Yin Iron and the adults want them to slow their roll. 

Being a teenager is frustrating, particularly with a classic “I didn’t actually listen to you before making a decision” adult like Lan Qiren in charge. 

Lying is my First Class Spiritual Tool

Nie Huasang shows up and has his usual hilariously varied reaction to Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji - an enthusiastic “Wei-Xiong!” followed by a nervous & meek “Lan Er Gongzi” and a bow to Lan Wangji.  

He wants to know what happened and Wei Wuxian once again shows his powers of rhetoric. 

I like to call it my “devil snake.” 

He puts off all of Nie Huaisang’s potential questions by really knowing his questioner well and completely distracting him.  

This time Lan Wangji seems impressed. 

Jelly Jiang Cheng

Young Master Cockblock shows up and lets loose with a display of total naked jealousy. That carving on Wei Wuxian’s bed back in Lotus Pier...is that him and Jiang Cheng? Because damn, this boi is jealous. 

...and so is Lan Wangji, apparently, or at least he’s disappointed to have Wei Wuxian taken away from him like that.  

Yearn Mode Enabled

Club Ruohan’s Foyer

Wen Chao and Xue Yang stand awkwardly in Wen Ruohan’s vestibule talking to the boss through a giant door, because sure, why not. 

This doesn’t bother Xue Yang, who as usual has no fucks to give. Except that today, Wen Ruohan tells him that the budget for his project finally got approved, which lifts his spirits quite a bit. 

His project to single-handedly slaughter an entire clan, and he is super excited about the kickoff meeting. 

Wen Chao is mopey because his brother gets all the good murder assignments and his dad doesn’t appreciate him. Boo fucking hoo. 

Periodic reminder that He Peng looks like this when he’s not playing Wen Chao.

Part 2 coming soon!

Soundtrack: Wake Up, Little Susie by the Everly Brothers

Bonus

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Under Pressure

Summary: Steve still doesn’t know how to talk to women...let alone how to get a first date with one. 

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 3,799 - One Shot {post civil war}

An Anon requested something like this...and apparently people have been thirsty for me to write more Steve stuff. So here it is.

Steve had been watching her all night. She was a light that warmed the entire bar. Even some of the other women glanced over at her every once in awhile.

Sam had found the dive bar after a few months of living at the Avengers’ compound in upstate New York. No one bothered them there and it was easy to keep a low profile when half the patrons were local alcoholics that couldn’t care less about superheroes being in their midsts.

But it the was rough edges of the place that made it even weirder that the young woman had everyone’s attention whenever she graced the bar with her presence.

She was wearing a ratty t-shirt, vintage jeans and black booties. The combo gave her an effortlessly cool style. Her eyes were always filled with mischief and her smile was coy. She was currently bent over the pool table, her whiskey sitting on the edge close by.

Steve smirked as she took her shot and hit the eight ball in the corner pocket. He’d seen her hustle any newcomer that wandered into the bar. It was always men who took a look at her and assumed she was a cute girl who didn’t know a cue ball from a stick.

“Why don’t you say something?” Bucky tore his attention away from the pool table.

“What?” Steve acted innocent.

“I said why don’t you say something?” Bucky repeated with a knowing smirk.

“Or better yet…why don’t you play her?” Sam added with a laugh.

“I’m smart enough to save myself the embarrassment.” Steve chuckled.

“Anytime she’s in here, you watch her like a sad puppy.” Bucky pointed out. “I’m having flashbacks from back in the day when you couldn’t even look dames in the eye.”

“She’s not in here to find a man. She’s here to put them in their place.” Steve stated with hidden amusement and even a little pride. They knew he was right.

“Didn’t you lecture Banner about waiting too long to make a move? You kinda sound like a hypocrite now. You do realize that, right?” Sam accused.

“You played me, you fucking bitch!” A man suddenly screamed, breaking the three men out of their conversation.

They whipped around to see that the girl’s last opponent was rather upset about losing the game. Steve assumed he’d put down a lot of money, underestimating her like so many men had done before him.

The girl just smiled and laughed a little bit at the men’s outburst.

“You think this is funny?” The man took a threateningly step toward her.

Steve got off his stool at the bar. But Bucky already gripped his shoulder, stopping him from moving any further. He looked back at him.

“Don’t worry. They got her.” Bucky said softly as he nodded in the girl’s direction.

There was already a few members of a local biker gang closing in on the man. The locals of the bar saw her as their collective daughter. She was also their friend and they never let the random newcomers step out of line with her.

Steve relaxed when the angry man stepped down once he saw he was outnumbered.

The girl blew him a kiss and tucked a few hundred dollar bills in the back pocket of her jeans.

Bucky chuckled darkly at her shenanigans. “Alright. That’s it.” He threw back the rest of his beer and slammed the glass back on the bar before walking over to her.

Steve swore his stomach dropped at the sight of his best friend walking toward his crush. He felt small again, like he was back in the 30s, when women never looked twice at him… but they never stopped looking at his best friend.

Bucky was smiling charmingly at the girl. It made Steve grind his teeth together.

But then Bucky was turning around and gesturing toward Steve. The girl looked around him to smile softly at Steve. It wasn’t the usual demure smile he’d seen her give to her opponents, but kind of shy.

Next thing Steve knew, she was walking over to him with Bucky. He whipped around to Sam and gave him a panicked look.

“Chill, dude.” Sam tried to calm him.

“Your friend here says you’re one hell of a pool player…but too shy of a gentleman to challenge me.” Her voice made Steve whip back around.

“Don’t think I’m much of a match for you…?” Steve replied, surprisingly smooth and offering his hand.

“Y/N.” She said with a smile, shaking it. “And I already know who the three of you are.”

“Looks like we have pool game.” Bucky announced with a smile.

Steve sighed and didn’t try to hide his apprehension.

“Come on. It’ll be awesome to say I kicked Captain America’s ass in a game of pool.” Y/N winked at Steve, which somehow made him choke on his own saliva. The embarrassment quickly followed with him blushing.

If she noticed, she didn’t show it.

Bucky and Sam followed the two of them back to the pool table. Y/N’s always present crowd gave them polite nods. But the three of them also knew it was a silent warning not to try and mess with Y/N.

Steve cleared his throat and took out his wallet. “How much is the buy in?”

But Y/N was already shaking her head. “I don’t want your money.”

“I hope you’re not changing your ways because of who I am.” Steve replied with a cute tilt of his head.

“Oh, I said I didn’t want your money, not that there wasn’t going to be a wager.” Y/N corrected with a small smirk.

“Then let’s make it interesting!” Bucky cheered, earning him a glare from Steve and a look of suspicion from Sam.

But Y/N just laughed at his enthusiasm. “If I win, I get that motorcycle of yours parked outside.”

Steve’s eyes widened. “With all due respect, ma’am… I think it’s too big for you to even lift.” His concern was genuine, seeing as there was no chance he was going to win this game.

“I know. I’ll trade it in for a different one.” Y/N clarified. “But for the record, I’m stronger than I look.”

Steve just nodded. If he were being honest, he didn’t really care about losing the Harley. It would just give Tony an excuse to buy a dozen more.

“And you, Cap…what do you want?”

He was quiet for a moment. There was nothing that he wanted from her. But also, declaring his reward seemed rather pointless.

“If Steve here wins, he gets to take you out on a date.” Bucky spoke for him.

“Bucky!” Steve yelped.

“Deal.” Y/N said at the exact same time, making Steve’s eyes go wide.

Suddenly Steve’s entire attitude changed: he’d beat this girl at pool like his life depended on it.

It was close the entire game. Steve swore he could feel sweat dripping down his back from the nerves. He was thankful it was cool enough outside to wear a leather jacket that hid any signs of it.

To everyone’s shock, he was actually holding his own against Y/N. They were basically even. So even, in fact, that the entire bar had basically came over to watch the pool master and Captain America competing.

“Eight ball. Side pocket.” Y/N called her last shot.

Steve’s heart sank and he gave Bucky a sad look. There was no way she’d miss.

But as they watched the black ball roll to the side pocket, it ricocheted just at the edge of the pocket and bounced back.

The entire bar went silent.

Y/N swore under her breath.

Not only did she miss her shot, but the cue ball was now perfectly lined up for Steve to hit the eight ball and win the game.

Trying to calm his anxiety, Steve took in a deep breath and leaned forward. He called his shot and was tempted to close his eyes as he hit it. But he must have made it in and won the game, because Sam was screaming in celebration. The rest of the bar was murmuring in shock that Y/N had ended her reign.

Steve glanced up to see Y/N putting on a black leather jacket. Then she walked over to him with a napkin in her hand. He couldn’t read her expression.

“Tomorrow. 8 o’clock. Don’t be late, Cap.” She stated evenly. Then she was weaving through the crowd of bar goers and left.

He looked down to see her address and phone number written on the napkin.

Steve was still in shock. He stared at Bucky, utterly dumbfounded and with an expression that looked even more stressed. Now he had to take her on a date. He’d make a fool of himself and then he’d never be able to show his face in this bar ever again.

Bucky smiled as if he could read his mind. He walked forward and slapped him on the back. “Don’t worry. At least now you know she wants to go on a date with you.”

Steve’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“She let you win, idiot.” Bucky shook his head.

Then there were chuckles from some of the old men around the pool table, proving that Bucky was right.

Without realizing it, Steve’s lips broke out into a smirk.

-----

Steve stepped to Y/N’s cute, little house at approximately 7:50pm. He knocked on the door and almost went into panic mode.

Bucky and Sam had been bickering about everything leading up to Steve’s date: what he should wear, should he take the bike or a car, and if he should buy flowers.

“When has a girl ever been mad about getting flowers?” Bucky had yelled at Sam.

“It’s overdone. You’re too old school. She’ll think he’s just going through the motions. There’s no sentiment behind it!” Sam argued back.

He ended up winning the conversation. But mostly Steve wanted to save himself from the stress of then figuring out what kind of flowers he’d have to decide between.

Steve was brought back to reality when the door opened.

“You’re very punctual.” Y/N teased and gave him an award-winning smile.

Steve was breathless as he took Y/N in. Her hair was more styled than it usually was at the bar. Her makeup was a little more glamorous. But Steve’s observation halted the tight fitting dress she was wearing.

“Something wrong?” Y/N asked.

He hated himself when he caught her insecurity in the question.

“No…no, nothing is wrong. You look…ugh…you look really beautiful. It’s just I brought my Harley and I don’t want you to burn yourself from the pipes.” Steve’s quick reply was barely coherent.

But Y/N must have understood because she smirked at his ramblings and then looked him up and down as if she was taking in every detail of his own outfit. She pushed the door wider. “Come on in. Just give me a second to change.”

Steve nodded and walked inside, closing the door behind him.

Y/N disappeared around the corner.

So he took the opportunity to snoop around her place. It seemed she lived alone. But her home was not what he expected. She seemed very clean cut and organized. Y/N had such a rebellious and grungy vibe to her at the bar. It didn’t seem to match the place he was in now.

“Better?” Y/N chimed.

Steve whipped around to see her new outfit. It was not that dissimilar to her usual style at the bar: jeans, booties, leather jacket. But it seemed nicer and matched the casualness of Steve’s date outfit.

“You look great.” He answered genuinely.

Steve waited patiently as Y/N locked the front door.

When they reached the motorcycle, he handed her a helmet. She eyed it with annoyance. “You never wear a helmet.”

Steve leaned forward. “A Nazi airplane couldn’t take me out. I highly doubt a motorcycle crash will be the way I go. Put it on.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but seemed to enjoy his sass. “Fine, dad.”

She lifted her leg gracefully over the motorcycle, like she did it every day. Steve smirked at her confidence. He was further surprised by her hands snaking around his waist, but underneath his leather jacket. It made it possible for him to move and steer easily. A flare of jealousy ignited in his chest as he imagined a long list of ex-boyfriends who also drove motorcycles.

She seemed relaxed and comfortable on the Harley, barely holding on to Steve as he weaved through the streets.

15 minutes later, they were at their destination.

Y/N dismounted smoothly before Steve even had a chance to offer a helping hand.

“A diner…” Y/N observed. But she gave no emotion along with the statement for Steve to gage her feelings about it.

So naturally he started thinking he’d made a terrible mistake. Diners weren’t nice enough for a date! What the hell had he been thinking? She probably expected a fancy five star restaurant. No, she deserved to be taken to a five star restaurant.

Y/N turned away from the diner to see a panicked look on Steve’s face. “You okay?”

“It felt like a good idea until you said it aloud…” He blushed in embarrassment.

She stepped forward and gripped his shoulder, giving him a lovely smile. “Are you kidding? Diners are like my favorite thing in the world!” He could tell that she wasn’t just saying it to make him feel better. Y/N didn’t think she convinced him though, so she continued. “You always know what you’re going to get. The waitresses always call you ‘hon’ or ‘sweetheart’ like they’re your grandma. And don’t even get me started on bottomless coffee…”

Steve was smiling at the effort she was putting in.

“I’m actually really hungry…” Y/N finally noted, talking more to herself than him.

“Come on.” He gestured and started towards the diner.

He held the door for her. One of the waitresses called out to them, saying that they could grab any table they wanted.

Y/N took initiative and steered them toward a booth in the corner. It was surrounded by windows, but gave them some privacy. The place wasn’t crowded and no one seemed to notice that Captive America was dining with them.

As soon as he slid into his seat, Steve’s shoulders tightened and his hands fidgeted in his lap.

“Do you go on a lot of dates, Steve?” Y/N asked with a knowing gleam in her eye.

“Ugh…no, not really.” He exhaled admittedly. His eyes were looking out the window. For some reason, he could stare down any enemy… but looking into Y/N’s eyes seemed impossible.

“Steve.” She said it so firmly that he was forced to finally look at her from politeness.

“You don’t have to be nervous. In fact, I’d prefer if you calmed down a bit because you’re making me anxious. We’re just two people at a diner.” Her voice was so soothing.

Steve was blindsided by her. Who was this girl? She couldn’t possibly be the same grungy badass that hustled men at bars.

“Right. Sorry.” He breathed, loosened his shoulders, and leaned forward a bit.

Y/N continued to take the lead and started asking Steve question after question. Thanks to her confidence, the conversation flowed and felt so natural. He couldn’t get over how charming she was or how easily she could make him laugh. Even their waitress seemed to be pleased by Y/N’s grace.

Y/N glanced around at one point and saw that they were basically the only ones left in the diner. Then she looked outside and realized the sun had gone down. They’d been there talking for hours and it felt like minutes.

“So how am I doing?” Steve asked with an adorable innocence.

She looked back at him. “Well…lucky for you, I don’t really go on dates. So your competition is sparse, Cap. But I’d say you’re doing pretty fantastic.”

He narrowed his eyes. “I find that hard to believe.”

Y/N’s face dropped a little. It felt a little sad and slightly embarrassed.

She shrugged. “To be honest, I don’t like dating. But it’s not like I’m turning down men left and right.”

“Why not?” Steve took a sip of his coffee.

“Huh?”

“Why don’t you date?”

“Oh, right. I guess…it’s just different these days. Everything’s on dating apps. No one meets in person. And I feel like dating is such a game. It’s all about who can pretend they care the least, you know? Playing it so cool or whatever. It all just seems so exhausting. And I’m pretty selfish with my time. I’d rather order take-out alone than go on bad date after bad date.”

Steve gave her a sad look. Not because he felt bad for her, but because he completely understood what she meant.

“What about you? Why don’t you date? I’m sure Captain America has plenty of women begging to go out with him.” Y/N teased.

“Ha ha.” He rolled his eyes. But then he felt a little embarrassed. “I’m actually pretty terrible at talking to women. Sometimes I still have the confidence of that little guy.”

“I find it endearing.”

“That so?” Steve challenged.

“Men that are smooth… I don’t trust them. They seem to have too much practice. I find them suspiciously charming.”

Steve laughed at that. “Remind me to never introduce you to Tony…”

“Tony Stark? Yeah, he’s like the poster child for suspiciously charming.”

Now they were both laughing.

It only died down when the waitress brought over a huge slice of pumpkin pie. “It’s on the house.” She stated before giving them a wink.

“See. Diners are the best.” Y/N announced as she didn’t break eye contact with the pie.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way… but you’re a lot different than I thought you’d be.” Steve said the words before he could filter himself.

But Y/N smirked and narrowed her eyes. “Oh, no. Is this where you tell me that I don’t match the idea you had of me? That I’ve disappointed you?”

“No!” Steve accidentally yelped. “No, not at all. I don’t think you could ever disappoint me.” Shit. There went his rambling again. Further proof that it was almost impossible for him to talk to women.

She couldn’t help but giggle at his struggle. “Yep. Yep, it’s definitely endearing.”

He took in a deep breath and actually gave himself a moment to find the right words. “What I meant is that you’re very different than the person you are at the bar.”

“I understood what you meant the first time, Steve.” She said back in the booth and crossed her arms. “I get it. I guess I just compartmentalize my life a little bit. I have to be pretty uptight and professional at my job. I like to let loose when I’m at the bar.” Then she eyed Steve, trying to figure out if she wanted to really open up to him. “And…and I think it’s a little bit of a defense mechanism. I take stranger’s incorrect perception of me and I use it against them. That’s how I always win those games.”

Steve nodded slowly. “And is that what you’re doing now?”

He hoped, no….he prayed that the girl he was talking to this whole date was the real Y/N. That it wasn’t some facade she put up to protect herself.

“No. I can’t remember the last time I felt more like myself than I do now, Steve.” Her face was filled with sincerity and her eyes didn’t falter from his.

“I have another question.” He leaned forward, his forearms mostly holding his weight over the table.

Y/N matched his stance mockingly. But this also made their faces just inches from each other. “Hit me.”

“Did you let me win?” Steve asked softly.

She couldn’t hold back the low chuckle. “I absolutely let you win, Steve Rogers.”

Steve gave her a playful glare as he shook his head.

“You know… you were not very discreet about watching me. I think some of the guys at the bar would’ve beaten you up for it if you weren’t a superhero.”

“Oh god.” Steve sat back and covered his face. “I’m such a creep.”

“No, no, no… I thought it was cute. I’ll take shyness over the aggressive men I have to deal with any day. But I was pretty excited when I saw your friend walking over.”

“I guess I owe Bucky a thank you.” Steve sighed dramatically. “He’ll just love rubbing it in my face too.”

Then he just happened to look at his watch. Had they really been talking for four hours!?

“I should probably take you home.” Steve didn’t bother hiding his disappointment at the thought.

He paid the bill and completely brushed Y/N’s offer to pay her half.

They walked out of the diner in a pleasant silence. This time Y/N didn’t argue when Steve handed her the helmet. And he could’ve sworn that she held on a little tighter on the way home. He didn’t want the night to end. It had been perfect.

Steve slowly walked Y/N to her door and caught that she seemed amused by the gesture.

A part of him wanted to kiss her. She was so beautiful and it was almost like she was his own personal siren with the way she was able to coax him out of his head. But then he thought of all the things she said about dating today. Maybe rushing things and the pressure of expectation made her also dislike it. And Steve didn’t want to the guy to invoke it.  

“Thank you for dinner, Steve. I’ve never had such a lovely time on a date.” She admitted bashfully as she fiddled with her keys.

“Thought you didn’t go on dates.” Steve added a smirk to his teasing.

She laughed lightly at that. “Even if I did, I don’t think they’d compare.” His smirk disappeared from the candor of her statement. “Goodnight, Steve.”

He started to back away, wanting to say something but too scared to ruin the moment. Don’t be a coward, his heart screamed at him.

“Hey, Y/n?” Steve called out.

She looked up at him, half inside the house.

“I’m glad you threw the game.”

She beamed at him. “How about a rematch this weekend? But this time, I won’t go easy on you.”

Steve nodded. “It’s a date.”

Please comment, review, reblog, message. I love hearing from my readers <3

[justbelustful]

delicious.

character: im youngmin ; mxm

writer: admin lust

genre:  smut (obviously)

summary: youngmin rewards you with his mouth after you help out with his rap

warnings: eating out, a teasing youngmin

word count: 1.9k

a/n: requested scenario! also holy shit this gif u know he really uses it for good use ;)

It was late at night and Youngmin was at his desk writing lyrics for his own song. You were on the bed laying down, scrolling through sns or playing time-killing games. He’s been working on his lyrics for a while now and you’d often see him crumple the paper and toss it in the trash can next to him, scratching his head. It was probably the 8th time since he crumpled up another piece, but this time he just placed his hands on his eyes, resting his elbows on the desk. You got up walking towards him and slipping your arms around his neck, placing a kiss on his ear.

“Lyrics not working out babe?”

Youngmin turned his chair to kiss your cheek before letting out a small sigh. “Yeah… I guess I’m just tired today.” he said looking at the other pages of lyrics that was already written. He grabbed the pages and read over them again. “I don’t know why but the lyrics I’m trying to write after these ones just don’t sound nice together. I even tried rewriting this part to make it blend smoother with the second part.” He glanced at the trash with some of his crumpled papers inside or resting beside it.

“Hey hey, don’t be too hard on yourself. What if I help you with them a little? Hm?” you cooed and gave him a reassuring smile. He smiled and wrapped his arms around your waist to kiss you on the lips. “My number one supporter helping me? I’ll gladly take the help.”

Surprisingly, your ideas helped his thought process flow more. You watched him as his eyes lit up when he felt like some lines fit well together, hearing his small ‘ahs’ of satisfaction whenever he mumbled some lines together. You figured since he was back into his “master rap lyricist” mode, you went into the kitchen and whipped up a small desert as a prize for him. It was just a small bowl of ice cream with chocolate syrup and heart sprinkles. You walked back into the bedroom and placing the bowl next to his arm. He turned his head and glanced at the ice cream smiling while he continued to write the last of his lyrics.

“Just for me?”

You bent down and kissed his cheek. “Of course, who else would it be for besides me?” He huffed a laugh out of his nose and scooped a small piece into his mouth, letting it melt in his mouth as he cleaned up his desk a little. You plopped yourself back on the bed, watching him walk towards you with his ice cream. You just thought he was gonna silently enjoy his ice cream right?

Nope.

He spooned a small amount of the ice cream in his mouth and grabbed the side of your face, kissing you deeply. You felt the coldness of the ice cream melt quickly between your tongues and Youngmin’s hand grabbing the back of your head, pulling you towards him as he kept deepening the kiss. When the ice cream was no longer in either of your mouths, he pulled away and gave you a smug look. Your felt your face heat up and slapped his chest lightly, making him chuckle.

“Wh-what was that for….” you mumbled, pouting your lips and looking up at him with puppy eyes.

“I just wanted to share my reward with you for helping me with the lyrics.” his tone sounding like he didn’t do anything wrong. He scooped another piece of the ice cream in his mouth and smiled cheekily. “I mean, if that wasn’t a good enough of a reward for you I can do something else.”

You saw how his eyes looked darker with lust, his tongue going over his lips either from the ice cream remaining on his mouth or from thinking about ravishing you right then and there. It could’ve been both, really. Your mind wandered to many places, replaying the past times he just had you screaming his name, the feeling in your stomach starting to coil. You leaned back a little and scanned his body. For some reason your attention kept going back to his lips. He could do so many things to you; kiss you deeply to the point where you have to pull him off of you just to regain your breath, leave a shit ton of bruises and bites around your body whether it be around your neck or around your inner thighs– stop. He was staring at you patiently, waiting for your answer. To be honest he was smirking to himself because he knew where your mind was heading.

He placed his hand under your chin and looked down at you with hooded lids. “Well, what do you want me to do baby?” his voice was now deep and raspy as if he just woke up from sleeping. You felt your breathing hitch a little and the same feeling in your lower stomach came back again when you heard his voice. You couldn’t submit now. You didn’t even do anything. You grabbed the collar off his shirt and pulled him roughly to bring his head next to your mouth.

“How about you use that rapper tongue of yours to good use?” you whispered into his ear and immediately pushed him back with a smug look on your face. You leaned your body back the smallest bit, your legs slightly opened a little to give him more of a hint. He cocked an eyebrow and leaned forward to push you all the way down against the bed, placing soft kisses from your lips down to your collarbone, occasionally stopping to suck on the skin a little to leave marks. His thigh was in between your legs, pressing against your heat whenever he pushed his body forward. You just wanted some sort of friction and pushed your body down to rub against it, eliciting a small moan from you. He stopped kissing your body and looked at you with dark eyes again, his eyebrows slightly furrowed.

“We can’t get too impatient baby…” he breathed and slid his hands down your body to pull your shirt and bra up, feeling at your breasts softly, his rough fingers grazing your nipples. You let out a small whine and wiggled your hips. It was pretty obvious that you were desperate and Youngmin loved how he was able to make you like this so quickly. He smiled to himself as he started getting lower and lower as he placed wet kisses on your body. Right when he got to the hem of your shorts, he looked up at you, giving you an innocent smile. You lifted your head, annoyed that he just stopped there.

“You said to make good use of my tongue right? How am I supposed to know what’s good if you don’t tell me?” he said, rubbing circles on your hip with his thumb. You inhaled deeply since you didn’t want to give up what little of your ego you had left at the moment.

“Please, just eat me out already!” you whined and started to rock your hips slightly. As soon as you said that, he stood up to rip your shorts off along with your underwear, teasing the folds of your heat with his fingers before going down and sliding his tongue all the way up, stopping at your clit to suck at it roughly. You let out a scream and arched your back, your arms squirming around not knowing what to do from the sudden attack on your sensitive area.

His tongue felt incredibly warm and the fact that it was huge helped with covering everything. He continued to kitten lick your clit, the tips of his fingers teasing at your hole. His other hand slid under to grab your ass, prompting you to buck your hips towards him. He felt you pushing and slid one of his fingers right in, curving it up to rub at your sensitive spot. You let out strained curses and moans as he slowly pumped his finger in you, your eyes rolling back from the amount of pleasure.

He slipped out his finger only to rub the wetness of that finger onto another so that he could shove both of them in, pumping it fast. Youngmin looked up to see you grabbing onto the bedsheets as if your life depended on it. Your chest was rising up and down quickly as you choked out moans, making him suck on your clit harder. He pulled his head away to grab the inner parts of your thighs and spreading them farther apart, flattening his tongue to swipe at your folds before sticking it inside your heat. His tongue reached as far as it could, wiggling it inside, his thumb circling your sensitive bud. Your hips kept rising as you let out quiet pleads and your eyes starting to tear up.

“Pl-please… please Youngmin… I’m so close…” you whined loudly and continued to moan out different curses. You were pushing your heat against his face at this point and he was using his tongue to fuck you. The feeling was drastically different from his dick, but oh he fucking knew how to use it to where you’re pleading him to finish you off. When he heard your whine, he looked up for a second to see the desperation on your face and pushed his body so much that you slid up the bed. His fingers were continuously rubbing large circles on your clit as he tried his hardest to get his tongue as far as he could inside you. As he pushed you farther, his hips pressed against the side of the bed, making him flinch a little since he was rock hard for the longest time. He thrusted his hips softly against the bed as he sped up his actions on you. You felt your core start to coil as he went faster, your legs kicking up and your hands gripping tightly at the bed.

“Oh my- FUCK”

You were screaming his name as your hips shook almost violently, your juices covering Youngmin’s mouth. His hands were softly rubbing at your legs so that they could calm down. He stood up licking around his plump and slightly swollen lips, swiping a hand over it before bending down to place them lovingly on your body.

“Was it good baby?” he said lowly, his cleaner hand going up to push the hair sticking to your sweat covered forehead back and caressing your cheek. You huffed out a quick ‘uh-huh’ regaining your breath. You felt incredibly sweaty and you were surprised you were breathing at all, plus you just felt extra sensitive, your thighs occasionally twitching. He may have just eaten the life out of you but he just had to smile at how you could barely speak because of him.

“I know you’re trying to breath right now but….” he pushed his bulge against your heat which made you whimper from the sensitivity, “I need help with this…”

By then, your breathing was more evened out than before and you had just enough strength to sit up and kiss him. You could taste yourself, but honestly, you were fucked, he’s got an angry dick to be taken care of, and you were ready to get fucked again. You wrapped your legs around his waist to turn him on his back and straddling him. You finally pulled your sweat covered shirt and bra before pushing your hips back against his dick.

“Lay down and let me treat you again yeah?” you said with a breathy voice, making Youngmin’s spine shiver. His hands landed on your waist, pushing you down onto him as he pushed his hips up.

“I can’t wait.”

[maxwellparice]

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[zoebechtle-blog]

Unlikely Epilogue

September, 2017

“Zo?” I was bent over the sink, spitting toothpaste out of my mouth. Niall was standing behind me staring, as he adjusted his towel over his hips. He’d just gotten out of the shower, and droplets of water riveted down his chest. I met his eyes in the mirror and quirked an eyebrow.

“Yesh?” I still had the toothbrush in my mouth.

“Anything you want to tell me?” The look on his face was semi-unreadable. His forehead was crinkled in deep thought, and he was looking at me like I had sprung another head. I wasn’t unaccustomed to this look (I got it often) but usually there was some warning or I could deduct something nuts that I had done. But I’d been getting ready for the day humming along to the James Bay playing in the bedroom of his L.A. house. I wasn’t wearing anything crazy, just a pair of shorts and a plain tank top with my hair pulled up into a messy bun. I cupped my hands to take a sip of water to rinse my mouth and spit, turning to look at him, furrowing my brow.

“Nooooo. What’s going on?”

“Are you sure? Nothing?” Now he had a little grin on his face and walked confidently up to me. What the hell? I put my hand on my hip and stared at him.

“You’re freaking me out, boo.” I put my hand up to stop him, resting it in his thick patch of chest hair.

“C’mere.” He stood in front of me and turned me back around to face the mirror, leaning in with his hands on my hip bones. Was he just being fresh? Because if so, good morning Zoe. I mean, we’d already had sex once since waking up, but after almost three months apart, I wasn’t going to turn down anything I could get from my beautiful blonde piece of ass, I mean, loving boyfriend. He dragged his nose up my neck, tickling me a little, the water from his head dripping down.

“Nothing? Not even this?” And he licked a spot right behind my left ear, caressing it. My eyes grew wide, and he mirrored my shocked expression. “Mmmm?”

“Holy shit!” I dropped my hairbrush and put my hands over my mouth. “I FORGOT! Jesus Christ!”

“How in the shit did you forget you got a tattoo?”

The tattoo was supposed to be a surprise. Okay, it was a moment of weakness when I wasn’t thinking. Three weeks after Niall’s break from his tour (which coincided with my birthday nicely) promoting his platinum solo album I was bored. I missed him like crazy. I didn’t not trust him, but it was just enough to make me panic a bit. I’d convinced myself that I wasn’t going to be that crazy girlfriend. This was his life and I’d gotten as used to extended absences as I much as I could. It was a fluke that I had gotten to spend as much uninterrupted time with him as I had. The rational part of my brain knew all this. But Crazy Zoe came out to play. A lot. To keep her at bay, I overscheduled my days. I took on heading up a grant application at work and filled in for other people so they could take vacations. Anytime anyone suggested plans, I jumped at them. I accompanied Carly and Jess to plays and movies, went shopping with Paul, and third wheeled with Hannah and Willie (and had gone with Willie last week to pick out her engagement ring, but shhhhhhhhh). I’d actually willingly gone to hot yoga on four occasions, for fuck’s sake. When Aaron asked if I wanted to spend a marathon Saturday afternoon with him while the next section of his tattoo sleeve was completed, I went along.

I’d spent time in tattoo shops over the years, holding the hands of friends as they had various body parts inked. My own small tribute to my Grandma Bechtle was a small quilt square on my ribcage, under the band of my bra (it hurt. So bad.) and Aaron had rubbed my hands and at one particularly bad juncture, even letting me bite his arm to stifle my pain - he was such a good friend (he also had a bit of a pain kink). So off we went. About two hours into the adventure, as my incessant chit chat was obviously annoying the artist (“Z, can you tone it down a bit?” Aaron had hissed) I wandered off to look at various designs. I watched a girl get a tiny piece behind her ear. It took less than five minutes and wasn’t noticeable in the slightest. I scratched my nail along the spot, and it was bearable. Poking at it reminded me how sensitive I was behind my ears, and made me miss Niall for a few minutes. No one else had ever quite mastered the spot the way he had. He jokingly always called it my Achilles Ear and had proclaimed it his fifth favorite place to kiss me (I’ll leave you to figure out the other four). In a moment of what I can only described as blind devotion and being so hard up for dick that it wasn’t funny, I decided to mark myself. With the most Niall thing in the world. An Irish flag.

The fates aligned with this decision by one of the artists, a skinny, bored-looking middle aged hipster, having a cancellation. We worked out the details quickly, and less than fifteen minutes later, I slid back into the room with Aaron. He noticed the bandage immediately and shrieked, “What did you do?!” and proceeded to cast harsh judgement. Within two hours, reality kicked in and I freaked out.

“Oh my God, Aaron!”

“Yep.”

“I tattooed a fucking Irish flag on MY HEAD!”

“Yep.”

“In a sexy spot in honor of a guy.” My mother was somewhere shaking her head.

“Yep.”

We started each other with wide eyes. Sometimes my impulsive nature knew no bounds. I opted not to tell Niall about the tattoo. I didn’t even tell Hannah because I didn’t trust her not to spill to Willie. Luckily I had my dad’s ears, which bent back more than was normal. It made a slightly strange profile, but I was grateful that it allowed my humiliation not to be completely public. And to fair, it was WAS tiny, smaller than the tip of my pinky finger. The only person who’d noticed it before Niall was a six year old at work who pointed to my “sticker” every session. (I usually started the day with my hair down, but by 11 am it was out of my face in some manner.) I’d moved on and found something else to obsess over, and honestly kind of forgotten about it. Until a month later, twelve hours into a week long visit for Niall’s 24th birthday.

“Um, uh…” I stammered, trying to buy myself time. How did I forget I had gotten a tattoo? “Well, the area has been greatly under used recently…,” I started, turning around to face his smirking face. I put my hands against the counter and leaned back a bit, widening the distance between us. That didn’t work for him, so he edged closer, reaching to touch my ear. I swatted at his hand.

“Off!”

“No way! I want to see it!”

I shrugged my shoulder up to block him. “Don’t!”

“Why not?” He’d gotten me trapped against the vanity as I unconvincingly tried to fight him off.

“Because it’s stupid. Niall, don’t!”

“Well, it’s on the Achilles Ear, and it’s an Irish flag, so I’m assumin’ it has something to do with me,” by this time I’d given up my protest and let him nudge his nose in there, nuzzling me. “And nothin’ concernin’ me and you is stupid. C’mere.” Grabbing my hand, he dragged me over to the window and stood facing my side, pushing the shell of my ear forward so he could get a good look.

“It’s trashy! Stop!” My embarrassment was complete.

“It’s fuckin’ hot. Jesus, Z,” his voice was scratchy and low as he ran his finger over the spot, “ya did this for me?”

“No, for my other Irish boyfriend. Of course I did it for you. I was horny, bored, and I missed you! It was an unholy trio!” I pushed him back a bit. I hated showing my weakness for someone, even for him. Especially for him. It did not jive with my independent woman vibe. I wanted him to be the one tripping over his feet for me. And he did. Often. I was that good.

“Goddamn it,” he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to him, dropping his towel in the process, and pulling on my ear again. “I want to fuckin’ lick and suck that all day. I can’t believe ya did that.” Before I could protest, his mouth was behind my ear, doing exactly what he promised. Within five minutes I was sprawled out on the bathroom floor with his head between my legs lapping like it was his last meal. Fifteen minutes after that, I was bent over the vanity, the two of us watching ourselves in the mirror as he took me from behind. He was total porn star mode and I loved every second of it. Maybe my next tattoo would be his name on my ass. After that reaction, I’d consider it.

That night we were locked in the house with carry-out, just enjoying time together and recovering from the day long fuckfest. I’d managed to make him snort Stella laughing at a story from work, and I’d then choked on a noodle at his reaction. His actual birthday was in two days, and tomorrow various friends from all over the world would be descending for a traditional weekend of debauchery. He’d been showing me blue print plans from his builder (Gary...we were all on a first name basis, and he’d brought me pastries last time I’d been to visit) to add a room off the kitchen. A new office. It looked nice, French doors and a window seat with built-in bookcases.

“But you have an office upstairs already, bugaboo,” I reminded him, kissing his cheek as I slid on the floor in front of his knees to take a better look. I was pretty sure that Niall just really liked Gary and enjoyed keeping him around. At this rate the house might become a Hollywood Hills version of The Winchester House. “And if you’re not sure, there are two other bedrooms, dude. We can move stuff around.”

“Jesus. You really are thick, aren’t ya?” He stared at me over the plans, rolling his eyes. “Notice where it says something about staining the wood teal? I swear, you complain about me bein’ oblivious to shit. The room is for you, Zo. It’s your office. I thought you might like a space of your own when we’re here. Especially when there are guests - I was pretty sure you were going to stab Deo last time.” This is true. He wouldn’t quit humming the theme to Doogie Howser, M.D.

Oh. Okay. I bit my lip, unsure of what to say. So I went with smart ass. “You know, your future wife will make you sell this house if there’s a room you built for your old girlfriend here. You’ll have to move to the Valley or something.”

“How about I make my ‘old’ girlfriend my wife, then? I get to keep the house and my girl. Two birds, one stone.”

“Yeah? You think?” My heart rate had jumped up about 400 beats a minute and I was barely holding it together. My face was burning hot.

“I know, Zoe Jane. Wanna marry me?” He whispered with a smile, but his eyes were nervous. His foot was jiggling so hard the whole sofa was bouncing.

“Quit fucking with me, Horan. That’s not nice.” Neither of us were blinking. Only our stubborn asses would be having a staredown over a marriage proposal. He put his hand out to grab mine and pull me up from my spot on the huge pillow on the floor.

“C’mere.” He pulled me upstairs to his (our? My mind was spinning.) bedroom and sat me on the bed, holding a finger up for me to wait a second as he disappeared into the closet. A minute later he returned, holding an orange box. Holy shitsnacks. This was Hermes. Better than a diamond. A handbag.

“I didn’t plan on doing this tonight,” he reached around to scratch the back of his neck with his right hand. “Not actually sure when I was going to. No time seemed right, and you deserve right. But we kinda go about things differently, yeah? And that just came out before, when you were busting my balls. Which is really the perfect thing, ya know? That’s how we roll.”

“Niall, you’re babbling,” I held my hands out for the box. Gimme.

“Calm your tits, Bechtle. I have a thing I want to say. Been thinking it over for months. Ya told me that first morning that you didn’t need me or anyone. That I was an accessory. A Birkin bag,” he handed me the box and I stared at him. “A ‘really fucking awesome, coveted purse that is frankly out of your budget, but still a bag.’” I know ya need don’t need this, or me, but I hope you’ll keep us both around. I hear these things never go out of style and will last ya the rest of your life.”

“But I can get other bags to carry, too, right?” I was crying.

“NOT what I was tryin’ to say.” We both started laughing, a nervousness to the room. Hopeful tension, maybe? My hands shook as I untied the bow and carefully lifted the lid on the beautiful chocolate colored leather.

“Ni, I...oh my god.” I was petting it with one hand and trying to touch his cheek with the other. I was officially mentally overstimulated.

“You should look inside,” he whispered. I fumbled with the openings, dropping the bag. Twice.

“Jesus, Zo,” he ran his hand through his hair and fell to his knees to pick it up. I pulled out a matching wallet and passport holder. Grand total this all had to cost more than my tuition my first two years of college.

“I can’t believe...It’s too...Niall!”

He took the wallet out of my hands and pulled out a small velvet box. Oh my god. OH MY FUCKING GOD. And he was still on the floor in front of me. On one knee. This was happening. This was really happening. He was building me a room. He bought me a bag. And now there was a ring. Fuck this noise. I slid off the bed and tackled him, kissing his mouth.

“Z, I love you more that I ever thought possi-”

“Yes, you ninny.”

“Yeah?” There was that cancer curing smile that I noticed the night we met. “Thank god. I had a fear you were going to beat me with the bag.”

“Still might. That is a ridiculous amount of money, you idiot. I can’t believe you remembered that purse analogy.”

“Thought about it every day since.”

“I was so proud of myself. That’s high level thinking.” I’d managed to his shirt off and was working on his pants. “Fuck, I love you so much.”

“Are ya even going to look at the ring? It’s a- Jesus, God.”

“Maybe later. Got things to do right now. I love you, Niall.”

Three days later I woke up with a screaming headache and bright desert sunlight shining right in my eyes. Ugh, we didn’t shut the blinds and the Vegas sunlight was blinding. And hot. I never did get the fascination with this place. A desert of drunk people and loud music. Unfortunately the boys loved it. And I’d dragged Niall to Oslo for six days for my birthday against his will (he wasn’t a fan of cold) so I had no place to put up a fuss. I didn’t remember actually starting drinking yesterday - it was a day long heavy buzz from bloody Marys on. Ooof, I’d gotten too much sun at the pool. My whole back was tender and hot. The beautiful man (my fiance-whoa) cuddling up to it wasn’t helping matters.

“Ow. Hot. Niall, you’re hot.” I whined. In response he tilted his hips up into my bottom.

“You’re hot, too, babe.” That sleepy, thick accent.

“Oh shut up, not like THAT. My back.” He scooted back to look.

“Shit, Zo, you’re fried.”

“Ughhhhh.” I flopped back dramatically, only to yelp for real and roll over to my stomach. “Ouchy. Will you grab the ibuprofen from my makeup bag? I’ll love you forever and ever.” To accentuate my point, I pouted my bottom lip at him.

“Fine. I’m gonna take a piss, though.”

“Wash your damn hands!” He stuck his tongue out at me as he walked by, and shook his bum once he knew I could see it. I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and started flipping through messages and social media posts.

“Horan Gettin’ Hitched!”

“No More ‘Horan’ Around” (okay, that’s hilarious)

“‘This Town’ For Niall and Fiancee!”

Shit. There were pictures of us from yesterday and last night. Invasive, but sweet. With our friends, but always touching one another, even in some small way. Me tucking my head into his neck waiting for a car. Him rubbing sunscreen on my back (spoiler: it was ineffective) at the pool. Hannah and I cuddling in a corner at the club and Niall behind us in a conversation with his hand resting on my bare shoulder. I hadn’t worn the beautiful emerald ring he’d bought me this weekend-no official announcement had been made and we agreed to wait until after his birthday (and me safely ensconced back in the London under Bas’s watchful eye) to do so. So where the fuck were these headlines coming from? It wasn’t the first time we’d seen such rumors, but now that there was substinance to them, my radar was pinging. I clicked on the link.

“During his annual birthday extravaganza - this year in Vegas - former One Direction hottie and solo sensation Niall Horan was heard telling friends that he has proposed to longtime girlfriend, Zoe Bechtle. Sources report the singer referring to the regular-girl brunette as “the wife.” American-born Bechtle and Horan have kept their relationship mainly out of the public eye but rumors have her moving into his London home recently. Don’t forget the pre-nup, Niall!”

And the comments. Holy shit. The usual brain explosions, people wishing us well, others wishing me death, commenting on my ass (let it go, people, I’m big fucking boned), and people claiming to have seen us at the drive-thru wedding chapel. Christ.

“Niiiiii?”

“Be there in a sec, babe, beer shits!” Seriously, we were way too damned comfortable with one another. I maneuvered myself out of the bed, hissing at the pain and into the bathroom.

“I said I’d be right there.” Luckily he was pulling his boxers up at this point.

“Um, did you tell someone we were engaged last night? And refer to me as “the wife?” I put my phone in his face as he washed his hands so he could see the article. He motioned with his nose so I would scroll down as he dried.

“Well, shit. Cat’s out of the bag, I suppose.”

“Ya think? All the big blogs have it. I’m surprised your phone isn’t going apeshit.” He was not nearly as upset by this news as I’d thought he’d be.

“Fuck, it died last night.” He started fussing with the cords on the nightstand, plugging it in.

“I bought you that ginormous case with the char-”

“It looks bulky in my pocket!”

“Good Lord, you’re a dainty princess.” I gave his chest a little shove. “What should we do? Do you want me to call Kim?” He sat on the edge of the bed and stared at me for a minute. I could actually see the wheels turning in his head. “Boo? Hey!” I snapped my fingers in front of his face.

He looked at me intently. “Wanna just do it?”

“What? Call Kim?” I raised my eyebrow as I swallowed the ibuprofen and reached a t-shirt to cover up my naked chest.

“No. Get married. Now. Here.”

“Seriously?”

“Why not?” He stood up and walked over to me, carefully avoiding my crispy back side as he wrapped his arms around me. “You were already having a panic attack the other night about whether we have a wedding in London, Ireland, or in America. And who my best man should be. If Harry should be one of your bridesmaids. Security. If wearing white was out of the question since you’ve ‘given more rides than a bus’. The more time you have to think about something…”

“The more I freak,” I finished for him. I never really had been a fan of the pageantry of weddings. The parties were fun but too much drama. “Are you being 100% for real?”

“Zo, I would have married you on the bedroom floor the other night.”

“An officiant might have minded presiding over a ceremony where I ended up reverse cowgirl.”

His smirk light up his face. “That’s my dream fuckin’ wedding. Baby, you’ve had me since that second quiz night. I don’t care where we do this, and the sooner the better. I wanna be official. I bet I can make a few calls and we can get someone up here,” He teased, running his lips kissing my ear. “Marry me? Today?”

I sighed, my decision made three seconds after he suggested it. “I only do this if you get Elvis.”

“Deal.”

[maniactypewriter]

The backlog Week 4 [where the hell have you been edition]

I LIVE! In all seriousness, when im at school, I don't have access to my gaming computer and my laptop doesnt have enough space free for a project like this. Anyway, I am back for the next month, so let's get to the first game(s) 

Anomaly warzone earth + Anomaly 2 playtime: 4 hours total

Im bundling these two together as they are very similar in game play. In Warzone Earth, you play as the 14th platoon deployed into the heart of the Anomaly, a giant mysterious dome that crash landed on top of Baghdad and tokyo. As the platoon leader, its your job to make sure the convoy of APCs and walking missile platforms gets through the level safely. The game refers to itself as a tower offense game. Essentially its a tower defense game, but instead of placing down towers, you are the targets that the towers are shooting at. Your vehicle team is constantly moving forward and its your job as commander to choose the right path for the vehicles to drive down and to strategically deploy the four power ups at your disposal. Your tools include a repair which heals your units, a smoke screen which makes enemies less likely to hit your units, and a decoy, which enemies will shoot at instead of your units. Usually the player is spending their time babysitting the convoy and rushing to collect more powers as they are dropped from killed enemies. Each mission has a different objective, but it usually devolves into, get to a place and kill all the towers. 

Anomaly 2 is much the same as its predecessor. Set in the far future after an alien invasion, the earth has frozen over and humanity’s numbers are dwindling. Humanity’s only hope is a single convoy on their way through a frozen america to get to New york. As this is the future, humanity's weapons have evolved as well. The standard ACP with a gatling gun on top has evolved into a car with two gatling guns. And it also turns into a walking mech flamethrowers mounted on either arm. Bad ass. The power ups have also changed a little. You have your standard repair bubble, there is a focus power up which will tell all your units to focus fire on one tower you want particularly dead and an emp type power up which will disable enemy towers for a short while. Anomaly 2 also has multiplayer, but I didn't play that as it is most likely dead at time of play. 

Antihero playtime: 70 minutes

Antihero is a competitive digital board game where each player plays as a master thief in a victorian england type setting. As the leader of a thieves guild, you have to go around a burgle the good people of “London” to fund your operations and buy pieces to put around the board. You can hire urchins to occupy specific buildings for special bonuses, hire thugs to block access to areas, and gangs to off your opponent's units and hunt down targets (as well as making a little extra dosh along the way.) this game takes advantage of being a digital board game because everything your opponent does is done mostly in secret. Obscured by the smog of war, you can not see what your opponent is doing, which could spell your doom if you aren't fast enough to look into his territory with your master thief. 

I am not great at this game. I couldn't get past the second level on easy mode that's how bad I am. However, I can see it is a fun game, and I can see how this game’s multiplayer was popular for a time. However, I dare not go there as I fear that I may be utterly stomped by a player who has had several years more practice than I have at this game.

Apotheon playtime: 4 hours

Apotheon is the story of one greek guy not named kratos going to olympus to kick the butts of all the greek gods. The most striking thing anyone playing this game will notice is the artstyle. It is drawn to resemble Greek pottery paintings. You know the kind. The ones that depict Hercules doing his trials or some other greek hero doing something impressive. Anyway, story. The earth has been screwed over by the gods because chronic rapist Zeus decided to revoke humanity’s access to the things that are necessary to life. Hera picks you as her champion then sends you to mt Olympus to gather the gifts of the gods and maybe smack some sense into her cheating husband along the way. The game play is a 2D mix of dark souls and metroidvania games that are so prevalent in the modern day. However, Apotheon came out before the current wave of soulslikes so there is some small growing pains. Combat is kinda clunky and your character can sprint at 30 miles an hour but immediately slows down to a crawl whenever he so much as touches a staircase. Combat as mentioned before is mildly clunky. It uses a physics engine to do all its swings and stabs. Heavy weapons like a club have a wide swing arc and is directed by which way you tilt the left analog stick. The Reliance on physics to get the job done can lead to some interesting results. I saw one raider in the first area get launched into space after being double teamed by me and a friendly malita man. Apotheon is an interesting game with a stunning artstyle and compelling exploration. Which in this modern age of soulslike metroidvanias, is all you really need to stand out. 

Aquaria play time: 1 hour

Speaking of metroidvanias, Aquaria. As the name suggests, the game is an underwater metroidvania mostly concerned with puzzle solving over combat. You play as Naija, a lonely fish lady who can use the power of song to do magic. As a fish lady, you can swim around the oceanic caverns with relative freedom. The game wants to be played with a mouse and keyboard, as my attempt to play it with a controller was thwarted swiftly. As is fitting for a game where the protagonist’s main power is singing, the game has a killer soundtrack. In the little bit ive heard when I was playing, it was some pretty good music. Visuals are decent. The game has a hand painted aesthetic, however some of the animations are kinda stiff and stilted. This game was originally released in 2007 after all. Small indie metroidvanias were not knocking it out of the park yet in terms of animation yet (im sure someone will correct me on that point eventually…) the small amount I played had me swimming around a claustrophobic map going around and solving puzzles that lead me to new areas and new song powers. One of the first i got was the ability to pull around large rocks. The second allowed me to transform into an old fish goddess and shoot energy missiles at hostile fish. While the game is focused on puzzles and exploration, that doesn't mean it is devoid of combat. I feel as this is the weakest part of what i played. I gave up on the game when i died to a puzzle boss who’s apparent solution didn't work. There is probably a lot I didn't see in my short time with the game. There is a whole cooking mechanic that I didn't fully grasp, as well as pets and the ability to decorate the main character’s house with special decorations you found out in the world. I may revisit this game at some later point, but for now its going back into the backlog as I search for more interesting games with less obtuse boss fights. 

Armello playtime 2 hours

Armello is yet another digital board game. Set in a fantasy version of zootopia, the king of the land has fallen ill with the Rot. and all the clans of the land have sent their strapingest of adventurers to go and try and claim the throne for themselves. This can be done in one of four ways. Having the most honour points (gained by killing other players, or completing quests), gather four spirit stones and cleansing the king of Rot, having the most Rot yourself, or just straight up murdering the king. In the few matches I have played, the easiest one to achieve is the Honour victory, although that might just be my play style. Like most board games, rounds are taken in turns. Each player has a certain amount of hexes they can move, and landing on spaces will have different effects. Most events that happened as a result of landing on a space are luck based. “Perils” have you rolling dice, quests have you selecting from a circle of icons trying to pick the one that will net you a reward, and a random spinner that could give you anything from rot to gold to teleport you to the other side of the map. Once everyone has had their turn, day turns to night and new monsters spawn on the board. When the sun rises again, the king dies a little from his fantasy aids and gives the person with the most honor points the choice between two Decrees which will most likely be terrible for everyone involved. On top of all this, players have access to a hand of three cards. Which have various effects. Proper use of your cards can lead to victory or defeat depending on who you're playing as. Armello has an online mode, but like the other online modes in this batch of games, I dare not touch for fear of getting crushed. The game also has an online store where you can buy new skins for your dice and new character packs. It's a fun little board game, but im putting it on the shelf for now because i’ve had my fill and have  no friends to play it with. 

[pendulumprince]

Episode 10! Don’t be intimidated by Revolver’s bling!

Revolver blasts Playmaker one more time!

Takes out DT!

AND

TOPOLOGIC’S EFFECT GOES INTO EFFECT!

PLAYMAKER TAKES 23000 LP IN DAMAGE

AFTER THE OPENING!

SHOICHI IS OUT THERE SWEATING BULLETS

SO IS GHOST GIRL?!

BUT PLAYMAKER’S GOT A TRAP UP IN THIS BITCH

HE NEGATES THE SPECIAL EFFECT

SPECIAL SUMMONS DECODE TALKER

REVOLVER ENDS HIS TURN!

FORCES PLAYMAKER TO ASUMMON A DRAGON TOKEN

IGNIS WARNS PLAYMAKER TO HURRY HIS ASS UP

“WE’LL HAVE TO EXECUTE OUR SPECIAL PLAN.”

“STORM ACCESS”

IGNIS IS SO HAPPY PLAYMAKER REMEMBERED

THEY NEED A BIGGER DATA STORM FOR A MORE POWERFUL MONSTER

IGNIS CAN MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN

BRINGS SOME SHIT SHTRIAGHT OUT THE CYBERSE

GHOST GIRL… GETS KICKED OUT OF THE DATA STORM?!

AND REVOLVER WAS WAITING FOR THIS TO HAPPEN

SO WAS DR. KOGAMI

HE ACTIVATES SOME GLOWING CARD

WHAT

WHAT’S HAPPEN

“FATHER, IT SEEMS YOU’RE READY” - REVOLVER

UM IS PAPA REVOLVER COMING BACK??

IN ANY CASE

THE DATA STORM IS HERE

PLAYMAKER RIDES IT

THE DATA STORM IS GIVING HIM ONE HELL OF A TIME

AHHHHHH!

IT’S FIREWALL

YOU CAN’T TELL ME THAT AINT FIREWALL

YUSAKU GOES IN TO LINK SUMMON IT

But

REVOLVER WON’T LET HIM

HOMEBOY ACTIVATES A TRAP

PLAYMAKER!! IS CAUGHT!!! OFF GUARD!!!

HE BLOCKS OFF PLAYMAKER’S SPOT THAT HE WOULD HAVE HAD TO SUMMON FIREWALL IN BY SUMMONING ANOTHER MONSTER IN IT’S PLACE? AM I UNDERSTANDING THAT RIGHT?

AND TOPOLOGIC DRAGON’S EFFECT ACTIVATES

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS

HE TAKES OUT THE NEW MONSTER, THE DRAGON TOKEN, AND DT

“IT’S EFFECT DEALS US BOTH 800 LP IN DAMAGE”

BOTH PLAYMAKER AND REVOLVER GO DOWN TO 0!

IT’S A TIE!

BUT THIS IS WHAT REVOLVER WANTED TO HAPPEN

PLAYMAKER IS SO MAD SOMEONE ANTICIPATED HIS MOVES

GHOST GIRL’S CAMERA GETS ALL FUCKED UP

SHOICHI CAN’T SEE SHIT ANYMORE

PLAYMAKER GETS KNOCKED OFF HIS BOARD IN TO THE DATA STORM

SO DOES REVOLVER

AKIRA URGES GHOST GIRL TO GO INTO THE TORNADO

GHOST GIRL TELLS HIM TO GO FUCK HIMSELF

KNIGHT CONCLUDES THAT THEY’RE GONNA FINISH THE FIGHT WHERE THEY (SOL) CAN’T REACH THEM

SMART MOVE, REV

ROOK SAYS THEY SHOULD BE MORE WORRIED ABOUT THE KOH BEING ABLE TO CONTROL THE DATA STORM

“THE ONE WHO CAN DO THIS… IT CAN’T BE…”

HOLY SHIT DO THEY KNOW WHO REV IS

BACK TO PLAYMAKER, HE’S INSIDE THE DATA STORM NOW

PLAYMAKER SPOTS REVOLVER

THESE BITCHES ARE IN THE EYE OF THE STORM

AND THE CARD DR. KOGAMI HAD IS COMING DOWN TO REVOLVER

REV SAYS THEY’RE GONNA HAVE A MASTER DUEL

GHOST GIRL SKIRTS AROUND THE EDGES OF THE DATA STORM

SHE CAN’T GET IN

SHOICHI’S STILL IN THE DARK

THEY START THE DUEL!

REVOLVER TAKES FIRST TURN

SUMMONS A FIELD SPELL

IT’S THE PRETTY BIRDCAGE FROM THE PREVIEW!

ALL OF REV’S DRAGONS GAIN 300 ATK

AND THEY CAN ONLY EVER SUMMMON LINK MONSTERS MORE POWERFUL THAN THE LAST

AND THE CARD CAN’T BE DESTROYED BY OTHER CARD EFFECTS

HOT DAMN

REV ISN’T FUCKING AROUND

But the dude has no chill

Destroy the idea that Revolver will ever calm down

Ignis wonders if this is the new card that got sent down

Playmaker doesn’t think so

Rev summons Sniffing Dragon at 8000 ATK

Activates it’s effect!

adds another Sniffing dragon to his hand?

Plays a magic card???

Draws????

Symoons a 1800 ATK dragon

Rev link summons!

He summons Twin Triangle Dragon at 1200 ATK!

And he special summons a 2100 DEF monster!

Playmaker somehow forgot that DEF mode exists!

Rev reminds Playmaker that only Link monsters can attack

He ends his turn

Playmaker takes his turn!

Plays Link Slayer at 2000 DEF

And Backup Secretary at 1200 ATK

And Stack Reviver at 100 ATK

PLAYMAKER GOES IN FOR THE LINK SUMMON

HE BRINGS OUT ENCODE TALKER

HE ACTIVATES STACK REVIVER’S GRAVEYARD EFFECT

SPECIAL SUMMONS BACKUP SECRETARY AT 800 DEF

PLAYMAKER GOES IN FOR THE ATTACK

REV COCKBLOCKS HIM THOUGH

HE’S ONLY ALLOWED TO ATTACK REV’S DEF MONSTER

THE ATTACK CONNECTS!  

PLAYMAKER GOES DOWN TO 3900 LP!

PLAYMAKER SPECIAL SUMMONS ANOTHER MONSTER

REV TRIES TO TAUNT PLAYMAKER OVER HIS NEW MONSTER’S LOW ATK

BUT IGNIS BRINGS HIM BACK IN LINE

BECAUSE THIS BITCH HAS 2100 DEF

PLAYMAKER PLAYS A MAGIC CARD

HE DRAW TWO CARDS!

IGNIS IS SO PROUD

SUCH AN ADORABLE HYPE MAN

PLAYMAKER ENDS HIS TURN

REV GOES OVER PLAYMAKER’S STRATEGY IN HIS HEAD

“But this strategy will cost you your life. The time for your destiny is near.”

UM.

HWAT.

REV NEEDS A BLUNT LIL DUDE IS TOO INTESNSE

IT’S EPISODE FUCKING 10 MY GUY YOU DO NOT NEED TO GO THIS HARD

REV TAKES HIS TURN

PLACES A WALL COUNTER ON HIS HIGH DEF DRAGON

SUMMONS A 1600 ATK MONSTER

SETS UP A LINK SUMMON

IGNIS IS WORRIED

AND SO! IS!! PLAYMAKER!!!

IGGY IS AFRAID THAT HE’LL SUMMON TOPOLOGIC

WHICH HE… COULD DO….

BUT NO, IT’S THREE BURST BLAST DRAGON AT 2400 ATK

HE GOES IN FOR THE ATTACK!

AIMS AT BACKUP SECRETARY!

PLAYMAKER ACTIVATES ENCODE’S EFFECT

WHICH MAKES BATTLE DAMAGE 0

BUT THREE BURST BLAST’S EFFECT IS THAT IT CAN NEGATE THAT SHIT

PLAYMAKER ACTIVATES HIS OTHER MONSTER’S EFFECT

BRINGS BACKUP SECRETARY UP TO 2100 DEF

BUT THE ATTACK STILL CONNECTS

AND PIERCING DAMAGE IS APPLIED!

PLAYMAKER GOES DOWN TO 3600 DEF

FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WHAT’S HAPPENING

PLAYMAKER TAKES HIS TURN

BELTLINK’S EFFECT COMES INTO PLAY

GAINS A WALL COUNTER

PLAYMAKER SUMMONS A 1700 ATK MONSTER

HE SETS UP THE LINK SUMMON

AW DAMN BUT REV WANTS YOU TO DO THIS MY GUY!

HE SUMMONS DECODE TALKER!

SO DECODE GOES UP TO 2800 ATK

HE CAN TAKE OUT PLAYMAKER—!

“ARE YOU SURE?”

FUCK OFF REV THAT’S A PROTAG LINE

REV ACTIVATES HIS BIRD CAGE FIELD SPELL!

AND…

CYBERSE MONSTER ON THE FIELD, IN THE GRAVE, AND IN HIS HAND

LOSE THEIR EFFECTS

AND CAN’T ATTACK

WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

PLAYMAKER CAN’T DO JACK SHIT

NO

FUCK

CYBERSES ALSO CAN’T BE TARGETED BY EFFECTS OR ATTACKED

OKAY BUT PLAYMAKER ONLY HAS CYBERSE MONSTERS?? THAT’S HIS ENTIRE FUCKING DECK.

REV JUST BROUGHT THE GAME TO  STANDSTILL

???

“IT’S AS IF CYBERSE DON’T EXIST” 

REV YOU WIPE THAT SHIT EATING SMIRK OFF YOUR FACE RIGHT NOW

THE CYBERSE MONSTERS LEGIT START GLITCHING

AND SO IS

IGNIS!!

ALL OF PLAYMAKER’S MONSTERS GET WIPED OFF THE FIELD

AND IGNIS FUCKING FADES OUT

PLAYMAKER. LOOKS. DEVESTATED.

I, TOO, AM DEVESTATED

IT’S EPISODE 10 HOW THE HELL IS IGNIS ALREADY DEAD

PREVIEW TIME!

Rev and Playmaker keep going at it!

Playmaker keeps staring at his duel disk…

And Ignis…

Isn’t dead, but in the middle of the ocean?!

What the fuck

IN ANY CASE, PLAYMAKER LOOKS SHAKEN UP

REV IS LOOKING MORE CONFIDENT THAN EVER

HOLY SHIT

NEXT EP IS GONNA BE A DOOZY.