#I already have something else ready to post >:3c

[waitineedaname]

Guilt lodged itself in Serizawa’s throat like a peach pit. He took the deepest breath he could manage and steeled himself. “Shou, I want to apologize to you.”

“What are you apologizing for?” Shou’s gaze was suddenly so intense that Serizawa’s blood froze for a moment. Sometimes he looked so terribly like his father. But no, he wasn’t his father, Serizawa reminded himself. He was a child asking Serizawa a question, one that he deserved an answer to.

wrote this a little while ago as a gift for @neonlav <3 please enjoy serizawa and shou reconciling

[snortlaughs]

stubborn

fandom: the owl house

pairing: implied huntlow

characters included: ler!luz, lee!hunter

word count: 1663

genre: tickling :3c

warnings: none 

author’s note: ITS VEEN SO LONG SINCE I HAVE WRITTEN/POSTED ANY OF MY OWN WORK… i sincerely hope that you guys enjoy it (;﹏;)

“are you alright, hunter?” luz asked, knocking on the doorframe of the spare bedroom.

she cocked her head slightly to the right like a confused puppy would.

“and don’t even bother lying to me. i can read you like a book.”

“what do you mean?!” hunter spat as he looked up at luz, surprise tainting his voice. “i’m fine! you can’t read me like anything!”

he knew that he was lying. he was recently told by willow that his emotions ‘really show on his face’ — not to mention, luz knew him too well.

the girl rolled her eyes.

“who do you think i am?” she scoffed, walking into the room and taking a seat on the bed with her friend.

“you’re sitting in our spare bedroom and looking longingly out of the window while everyone else is watching ‘break it bralph’. we all miss you. you’re isolating yourself, and it’s not difficult to see. i know that something’s up. what’s wrong?”

hunter looked at luz for a moment before stubbornly turning his head away with a huff. he crossed his arms over his chest.

“nothing’s wrong.”

luz ran her fingers through her curls, at a loss.

“you’re so annoying.” she said with a pout. “what am i gonna do with you?”

hunter smiled a little, seemingly pleased that he bothered luz.

“hey!” luz hissed with faux anger. “why are you smiling?! did i say something funny?”

the boy ever-so-slightly giggled, not responding to luz’s question.

luz grumbled, not knowing what to do in order to help hunter feel better.

he was obviously upset, but he wasn’t budging.

however, an idea soon invaded her mind. she didn’t know if it would work, but maybe…

“oh, you think i’m funny?” luz sassed. “i’ll show you something really funny.”

hunter furrowed his eyebrows and looked at luz in intrigue.

“oh, yeah? what is it?”

the girl scootched closer to her friend and wiggled her fingers menacingly.

“oh, stop that.” hunter groaned. “that won’t work on me.”

he tightened his arms that were still crossed over his chest, protecting his ribs.

he was lying again, and he hoped that it wasn’t showing on his face.

“are you sure?” luz teased. “can i give it a try~? it might help get a smile on that face!”

hunter inhaled sharply to block his nervous, anticipatory giggles from coming out.

“y—yeah, sure, but you’re going to be disappointed.”

a large grin overtook luz’s face.

“okay, great! lift up those arms, then!”

hunter’s eyes widened.

oh, no. OH, NO. THIS IS BAD.

“a—ahalright.”

CRAP! A GIGGLE CAME OUT!

“my cover has been blown, and luz hasn’t even touched me yet…” hunter thought, his face growing rosy as he raised his arms and placed them behind his head.

luz, after asking if it was okay, took a seat on hunter’s belly as he laid down on his back.

“are you ready~?” she asked, fluttering her thin fingers in the air.

“yes…” hunter replied, still trying to keep his giddy nervousness locked behind a sturdy facade of confidence.

sure, he let a snicker out earlier — but that was just a fluke! he was just nervous! luz won’t be able to break him with something as childish as—!

his train of thought was broken when luz lightly poked his right side, making the poor boy flinch with a gasp.

he wasn’t going to be able to not laugh. there was no chance.

“ah!” luz exclaimed. “i think that someone may have lied to me.”

“n—no i didn’t! i didn’t!” hunter said, already breathless. “i never said that i wasn’t ticklish! i just said that tickling me wouldn’t get me to say anything!”

“ooh…” luz cooed, leaning backwards and jabbing her fingers into hunter’s hips, resulting in a surprised squeal from the boy. “that sounds like a challenge to me.”

“it ihihis!”

… that’s not good.

hunter’s competitive nature made his mouth move before he had a chance to rationally consider the fact that luz was absolutely going to win this battle — he might be the most ticklish person in the boiling isles. being tickled could make him admit practically anything.

and luz was about to find that out.

—

the two kids made a deal that, if luz could get hunter to say ‘uncle’, he would tell her what’s wrong.

“okay, are you ready?” luz said with a smile.

hunter grimaced in response, but it didn’t hold a whole lot of weight — his face was red, and it was obvious that he was physically trying to hold back a smile. he was still holding his arms steadily above his head.

“alright! let’s go~!” luz chirped, starting to poke at hunter’s bottom ribs.

“AH—!” hunter screeched, his arms automatically coming out from behind his head and slamming against his sides. “nohohoho!”

“hey, come on now!” luz remarked. “keep those arms up for me! that’s what we agreed on!”

“i knohohow, but i didn’t expehehect it to be so dihihifficult!”

hunter whined through his laughter as he put his arms back up.

his gap-toothed smile was on full show now.

he was no longer trying to hide it — there was simply no point in doing so.

not to mention, his smile really was endearing. he doesn’t like it, but everyone thinks that it’s cute. he should smile more.

luz’s fingers began looming over the blonde’s torso and ribs once he was re-situated, the boy letting out quiet whimpers whenever he thought luz was going to attack.

“plehehehease stop making me wait! the anticipation is kihihihilling me!”

“oh, so you want me to tickle you?” luz teased.

this comment made hunter’s blush deepen and blotch down his neck.

“thihihis wasn’t part of the deheheheal! i didn’t prepare for teheheheasing!” hunter squeaked, nestling his face into his bicep. “plehehease!”

“okay, okay, fine.” the curly-headed girl said with a soft smile.

hunter was right — teasing wasn’t part of the deal, and she didn’t want to cross his boundaries. however, there was something about how he blushed when she asked if he wanted to be tickled. it told her that he was enjoying himself — at least a little.

maybe she would tease him about it later, but that wasn’t her main goal right now.

“gehehehet on with it!” hunter snipped through his chuckles, expectantly turning his face towards luz and kicking his feet impatiently.

“alright, alright!”

this being said, luz began to poke sporadically around her victim’s torso in an attempt to find the best spot to torment.

hunter bursted into peals of squeaky laughter, wriggling under the perpetrator’s touch.

however, luz was in for big surprise when hunter let out a snort.

she paused for a moment and looked at her friend, who stared blankly back at her.

“…wow!” she said with a chuckle after a few moments. “first of all, i won’t be forgetting that your ribs are seemingly your most ticklish spot, given that reaction.”

hunter couldn’t help but smile. there was no use in denying it, so he gave her a simple “perhaps”.

“and secondly,” luz continued, “i didn’t know that you snorted when you laughed. why didn’t i know that?!”

the wavy-haired boy pursed his lips before responding.

“it’s embarrassing, so i try my best to hide it. i don’t think that it’s very pleasant.”

luz didn’t even say anything in response before she clenched her fists and began kneading her knuckles into hunter’s ribs, making him squawk in startled laughter.

“hehehehehey! (snort) hehehehey! thahahahat’s so bahahahad! plehehehease!” he yelped as he writhed under luz’s weight.

“your laugh isn’t embarrassing or unpleasant!” luz scolded as hunter uncontrollably howled.

she moved her hands more towards his underarms, which seemingly broke the boy even more.

“your laugh is the sound of you being happy! and we love it when you’re happy!”

“okahahahay! i belieheheheve you! UHUHUNCLE!”

the moment the word came out of hunter’s mouth, luz stopped tickling him and climbed off of him.

“you’re really ticklish!” the girl noted with a grin.

“yeheheah, you think so?!” hunter retorted, his belly filled with butterflies from being tickled so much.

“anyways…” luz said, looking at hunter with expectation in her eyes. “it’s time for you to tell me why you’re being such a grump today.”

hunter sat up with a sigh.

he was hoping that she would forget about their deal after tickling the titan out of him, but he knew that was too good to be true.

“promise not to tell anyone?” he asked, holding out his pinkie finger.

luz quickly held out her pinkie as well.

“of course. i promise.”

they firmly crossed their little fingers together and looked at each other, trusting that this secret would stay between them.

“okay.” hunter began. “so… you know willow, obviously.”

luz chuckled. “yes, i do know her.”

“well… after spending all of this time in the human realm with all of you guys, i have come to realize that she brings out some… confusing feelings in me. feelings that i have never experienced before. i have felt this way for a long time, but i haven’t felt able to fully comprehend these feelings until now. it’s… scary.”

the dark-haired girl nodded knowingly.

“you don’t have to say any more if you don’t want to, but i am here for you if you do.” luz murmured, gently rubbing hunter’s back. “i can imagine that the feelings that you’re having are intimidating, but i think anyone would be scared if they were in your shoes.”

hunter looked at his friend and rested his head on her shoulder, feeling at ease due to her advice.

“it seems like someone’s got a cruuuuush~!” luz whispered, poking at hunter’s belly and lightly pinching at his sides.

he squeezed his eyes shut as he chuckled, gently swatting at luz’s nimble hands. “shuhuhut up!”

“if it helps, though…” luz continued, “i think she likes you, too.”

hunter’s left ear twitched as his eyes widened.

“are you kidding me?!”

[theshatteredrose]

Nugatory: The Secret War (Chapter 1) - Disgaea 5 Fanfiction

Title: Nugatory: The Secret War

Summary: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be a secret? To be hidden away, where no one knows who you are? Not the battles you fought, for sake of others each and every single day? To be considered nothing more than a myth to be thought of in passing? After being discovered by Killia with a head injury, warrior Samuel willingly follows Killia into the Rebel army and acts as his right-hand man in the war against the Lost Army. With his amnesia, he has no stakes in this war, so fights for Killia and the others. But he does have some memories, memories that centre on rare and long-forgotten myths and legends. Who exactly is Samuel?

Or; A bunch of skits of Killia and Samuel growing closer before Samuel’s past comes back to haunt him.

Pairings: Slow burn Killia/Samuel(OMC) :3c

AN: Ok, let it be known from the beginning that this is 100% self-indulgent. Some creative liberties have been taken and I’ve added my own mythology and lore, but I have tried to keep things in canon, but it won’t be a complete retelling of the game. Some scenes from the game, yes. But I don’t want to retell the scenes from the game as fans of the series would already know what happens. I want to concentrate on creating new scenes. You surely understand the struggle.

This novel will primarily be in the point of views of Samuel and Killia, and will centre entirely around Samuel and his story. If that isn’t your cup of tea, it’s fine to back out now. I know and understand that OC centric stories aren’t for everyone. And again, that’s completely fine. Some readers just want to read about the in-canon characters, after all.

Another note is that this will be a long project. 30+ chapters. 100k or more words long. My god, I am going over the top with this project.

If you’re alright with OCs clogging up the place, then I hope you enjoy reading~

Ao3 | Wattpad | Inkitt | FFnet

--

Chapter 1:

A low thrumming in his ears greeted Samuel as he waded his way through post-unconsciousness. The dreary haziness of just awakening was always so confusing, especially after such a deep sleep. Though, he wondered when and where he had fallen asleep; his head thundered with a headache and his bed, if he could call it that, was rock hard and beyond uncomfortable.

And the left side of his face in particular felt hot and sticky, slick with something moist.

With a lot more effort that he was comfortable with, Samuel forced his eyes to open and was immediately assaulted with a bright light. He immediately squeezed his eyes shut. A bright light? It was never so bright in the underworld of the netherworld of Nugatory. Where exactly was he? Somewhere outside? He had to be. He couldn’t be anywhere else. He was never allowed to be leave the caverns of Nugatory, let alone leave the planet itself.

What was going on?

A distant commotion of trampling feet and fearful voices prompted Samuel to peel his eyes open. His left eye proved more difficult, however, so he settled with peering through his hazy right eye. And he was not ready by the view that greeted him.

A barren…desert?

Samuel forced himself up onto his elbows as he cast a shaky, hazy gaze at his surroundings. Dry, sandy, barren wasteland. He had only heard of such things in text, in the meagre books that floated to Nugatory on the solar winds. But…why? How? Where?

He didn’t understand…anything!

A warm, sticky sensation moving slowly along his jawline and drip onto his white, sleeveless vest that was cinched at his collarbone prompted him to look down at himself. His vest was splayed out to reveal his bare chest, and was splotched with drops of dark red. His blue pants had a tear or two, but relatively unscathed, as was his boots. So, he wasn’t in a scuffle, that he was aware of.

But those drops of red. And what was preventing him from seeing from his left eye?

He summoned the energy to push himself into a sitting position and raised his left hand to press a palm against his left eye. He winced when he pulled his hand back and was greeted by a dark red substance.

Blood.

He swallowed back the rising panic as he forced open his eye. The relief he felt was immense when he was able to open his left eye. So, the bleeding wasn’t coming from his eye. Where was it coming from?

Wait, his headband was down around his neck. The blood was dripping from his forehead. A head injury? When did he get that?

What happened?

Samuel was abruptly pulled from his thoughts when that commotion he heard earlier resounded, much closer. It was a horde of demons. One that appeared to be in a rush, and in a blind panic

“The Lost Army is coming! Run for your lives!” one of them shouted as they rushed past him, offering little else but a second glance before they disappeared as quickly as they had come.

And that only added to Samuel’s confusion.

Lost Army? What in Hades was that?

Another large droplet of blood forced Samuel to close his left eye. Just as a shadow fell over him, forcing him to lift his head up and peer through one eye. Toward another group of demons. Another group he did not recognised. However, unlike the first, they were all menacing, all wielding weapons, and all glaring down at him with pure malice.

“Obey or die,” the orc at the forefront sneered, offering little else in conversation.

Samuel could only stare back. “…What?”

That clearly wasn’t the answer they wanted.

In response to Samuel’s non-response, the orc raised his club over his head in preparation to bring it down upon Samuel. Unconsciously, he rolled onto his left side in a half-roll, propped himself up onto his elbows and hauled himself to his feet. He staggered back, his boots kicking up dust as he skidded back to put some distance between him and his attackers. His movements were sluggish and purely instinctual.

More of his blood splattered across the barren ground, but he ignored it. He was at a disadvantage with only half vision, and he had no idea how much blood he had already lost so may or may not be on the verge of passing out, but again he chose to ignore those minor inconveniences.

The orc appeared surprised that Samuel moved so quickly with such an obvious disability. And wasn’t exactly thrilled that he had chosen to fight back.

Samuel hadn’t a clue where he was or what was going on. But he knew when to fight back. And that orc made it clear that he wanted to fight. While fighting with his fists was not his speciality, he had little choice. Well, he could fight with his hands long enough until he snared himself a weapon.

“You dare to disobey the Lost Army?” That was structured as a question, but really it was a statement that the orc didn’t actually expect Samuel to answer.

So, he wasn’t going to bother.

Still, the impending battle wasn’t going to be easy. Not when there were five of them, and only one of him. With only one eye fully operational. But he had to try. He hadn’t the faintest idea what was going on, so fighting back was all that he knew to do.

The orc hefted his club from the ground and waved it menacingly of his head. “Prepare to die.”

Samuel tensed. Especially when a sixth figure ambled upon the scene. Dark hair, dark clothing; he looked far too casual, comfortable on the battle. Was he part of this ‘Lost Army’? Was Samuel about to have to fight six of them? Great!

“You guys’ part of the Lost Army?” he asked, his voice smooth, calm, and as casual as his actions.

The orc, who appeared to be the leader of the small band, turned his attention to the newcomer. “You dare to disobey the Lost Army, too?”

“Indeed.”

He then punched the orc in the face, which sent him flying backwards in a straight line. As the orc went tumbling backwards, he spun around to deliver a kick to the stomach of the imp while simultaneously grabbing a handful of a Sludge’s face. With the imp rocketing skyward, the mysterious martial artist pivoted on his heel, hurled the Sludge directly into the second imp. And then stood still, to stare directly at the last standing orc.

The second orc took a moment to look in the directions that his teammates were sent in and turned to look over at the mysterious stranger.

It took a second to for them to realise what had actually happened.

Samuel, himself, was in awe of what had happened. That guy…he was good. He was on Samuel’s side?

The last standing Lost soldier began to back up. “N-now, let’s talk about this,” he began feebly.

The skilled stranger, however, wasn’t interested. “No, I don’t think so.” And he punched him in the face, sending him in the same direction he had sent his teammates.

With that, he turned and began to walk away.

“W-wait,” Samuel called out as he stumbled forward, struggling to stay upright on his feet as more blood dripped from the wound on his head.

The other demon stopped in his steps, rather unexpectedly. “What?” he asked as he turned only his head to look over his shoulder.

“Thank you,” he said. “For helping me.”

The stranger looked away. “Think nothing of it.” He began to walk away again.

That really should have been the end of it. He helped him against a group of enemies. Samuel thanked him for his said help. Exchange done and over with. Yet, as he began to walk away, something within Samuel propelled him to follow.

He was lost. Alone. Injured. He didn’t understand where he was. What was happened. How he was injured. Absolutely nothing made sense.

Not even the innate knowledge that this stranger was safety.

“Why are you following me?” he asked, not tersely nor coolly, but certainly not kindly.

“Because I don’t know where I am.”

He turned around to face him. “You’re on Blood Parch.”

Hah. How ironic. A parched wasteland, stained with his blood. Still…

“That doesn’t mean anything to me. I don’t know this Blood Parch.”

The other demon rested his knuckles on his hip and regarded him quietly for a moment. “What do you know?”

Samuel wasn’t entirely sure how to answer that. “…I don’t know.”

“Your head injury?”

Yeah, he must be quite the sight; white hair stained with dark red blood, half of his face drenched in it, his light blue and white clothing smeared with dirt, and yes, even more blood. What a pitiful mess.

Samuel reached up with his hand to clutched at his forehead. “I don’t know how I got it.”

“I see,” he muttered with a sigh. “Amnesia, then.”

Amnesia? That would explain a lot. How far back did it reach, though? And, rather unfortunately, he didn’t know how he got it if it was indeed the case.

Samuel sighed, his shoulders sagging forward with a sudden bout of exhaustion. “…I don’t know.”

A stifling silence stretched out between then and Samuel had the very real fear that the other demon would just turn on his heel and leave him on his own. And with the sudden weight of his situation crashing down upon his shoulders, he didn’t have the strength to follow.

He…truly had no idea where he was or what happened to him. Blood Parch? He had never heard of such a netherworld. The only world he knew, the only one he was allowed to know was his home world; Nugatory.

What happened to him?

What…was going to happen to him?

“…Fine.”

Samuel snapped head up, unable to hold back his surprise. And his relief.

“You can follow me,” the incredibly generous stranger continued, if a bit awkwardly. “Only until your memories return. Which will hopefully be soon.”

Samuel nodded his head, readily agreeing to those terms. “Thank you.”

His words of gratitude seemed to startled the stranger for a moment. “…Do you at least remember your name?”

Oh, that much he was certain of. “Samuel. You?”

“Killia.”

Something twitched in the back of Samuel’s mind. “…Killia…?”

Killia arched an eyebrow. “What?”

Samuel managed a smile as he pressed his palm firmer against his forehead. “N-nothing. I won’t be a bother. I promise.”

Killia reached out to grasp him by the upper arm suddenly, and it was then that Samuel realised that he had been slowly leaning to the right. “Take care of that head injury first.”

“Ah, right.”

… … … … …

Clipboard in hand as he sorted through inventory, Samuel sat atop of the counter of the kitchen area dedicated solely to the preparation and cooking of curry. Of which was considered a true delicacy in the pocket Netherworld, especially if it was prepared by none other than Killia, the trusted (and rather reluctant) leader of the Rebel Army.

Who of which stood by the opposite counter, preparing said large pot of curry as the two of them talked idly.

A lot had happened since Samuel met Killia. Meeting the Overlord of Gorgeous, who practically dragged Killia into her pocket Netherverse (which, ultimately, turned out to be a good thing), which, of course, caused Killia to drag Samuel with him because he wasn’t about to let some crazy demon get him somewhere alone.

Soon after that, they met the Overlord of Scorching Flame, Red Magnus. Then Christo, the overlord of Certain Giant. Then poor little Usalia of Toto Bunny. And finally, the latest member of their rapidly growing army, Zeroken, whose home world was unknown.

With each event that Samuel observed, and each battle he participated, he learnt more of this Lost Army and the war that was raging across the Netherverse. It had been occurring for quite some time, long before Killia had encountered Samuel.

Which, honestly, surprised him; he knew none of it.

It made him wonder; how long had he been away from his home netherworld? Had he wandered throughout the netherworld before he suffered that head injury and following amnesia? And that led to the question; why was he roaming about, away from his home world?

He didn’t like to let him mind dwell on that for too long, though.

Compared to everyone else, his problems were minor.

“Our forces are increasing every day,” Samuel mused allowed as he flipped through the pages on the clipboard. “At this rate we won’t need to hire anyone; they’re coming to us.”

Killia nodded his head idly as he attended to his curry. “We might need to increase the Netherverse Investigation fleets by a spacecraft or two.”

“We certainly have enough money to do so.” Samuel let the papers drop to the clipboard as he let it balance on his knee. “Hm. Can I make a small suggestion?”

“What is it?”

“Well, why don’t we turn one of the smaller Netherworlds we’ve been investigating into a refugee camp?” Well, one where they’ve already beaten the snot out of the overly aggressive overlord at least. “With the brutality of this war, potential allies may be bolstered with the knowledge that their underlings and people will at the very least have a place of refuge should anything go wrong.”

Killia tapped the wooden spoon against the edge of the pot as he reached for the curry powder. “That’s not a bad idea. We need to be careful, though. They could also become targets of the Lost Armies.”

Every netherworld was a target at the moment. “Another excuse to get our Rebel Army out and about. And out of the Pocket Netherworld. Some of them are starting to get cabin fever.”

“True. Let’s run it past Christo. I’m sure he’ll agree, though.”

Samuel sat silently and watched as Killia continued to attend to his curry, idly, wholly absentmindedly adding curry to the pot of slowly bubbling of food. He arched an eyebrow as he continued to add pinch after pinch of curry powder, and knew that if he didn’t interfere, they may have a spoiled pot on their hands.

And they couldn’t have that.

“Killia,” he said as he leaned forward and struck him light with the clipboard, startling him out of his reverie.

“Hm?” he uttered, finally turning to look at him.

“I think that’s enough curry. Unless you’re going for the curry equivalent of lava this time.”

Killia blinked, quickly turning to look at his hand and then back at the pot. He winced, immediately pulling his hand back and setting the powdered curry down. Pushing it away. even. “Oh.”

Samuel leaned back, tilting his head to the side questioningly. “You ok?”

“Yeah,” he replied immediately, dismissively, as he set about trying to salvage the curry so that it was sweet enough for everyone, Usalia especially, to eat.

Samuel, of course, didn’t believe his response. “You’re thinking about Goldion, aren’t you?”

Killia didn’t immediately reply. He seemed content to busy himself with his cooking task, so Samuel continued to sit silently, boring a hole into the back of his head as he waited for a response.

Finally, Killia uttered a sigh. “A little.”

That wasn’t a surprise. It was quite the shock for him. Imagine the demon that took him in as a force protégé becoming the dreaded General Bloodis.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you; have any of your memories returned?” Killia suddenly asked.

An abrupt change of subject, huh? Well, Samuel couldn’t exactly blame him to want to change the subject. He had been forced to reveal fragments of his own past recently. A past that seemed painful. That was evident in his voice, and in the suppressed expressions on his face.

Knowing the Killia that Samuel knew today, he found it difficult to imagine that he would be the Tyrant Overlord of such a violent and bloodthirsty Netherworld like Cryo Blood.

“I’m not sure,” Samuel replied with a sigh. “To be honest, there hasn’t really been time for me to do much thinking about it.”

Well, that wasn’t exactly true. There had been time. He had been thinking about it. A lot. Unfortunately, nothing he had encountered was familiar. Nothing. None of the faces. None of the names; of both demons and netherworlds. Absolutely nothing was familiar.

There just wasn’t much he could actually talk to Killia about it. Not without sounding like a gibbering fool. Besides, from what he could remember, he had been forbidden from mentioning the name of his home world; Nugatory. To anyone. And there was a good reason for that.

He…just couldn’t quite remember what that reason was.

There was a library hidden away in a corner of the Pocket Netherverse. He has spent a few hours scouring the books. Some were interesting, some not so much (Seraphina had an…interesting taste in books). But the books he had read had absolutely nothing about Nugatory. Neither do the maps, both past and present.

In short; he didn’t know where Nugatory was, let alone how to get back to it.

He…needed to. He needed to get back…to the others.

Somehow.

Samuel hopped off the counter and clasped his hand on Killia’s shoulder, granting him a friendly smile. “With my amnesia, I have no stakes in this war that I am aware of. But you do. So, until my memories return, I guess I'll just have to fight for your sake. If my memories never return, well, that's fine. A small price to pay, I suppose. After all, you were kind enough to let me tag along until my memories return.”

However long that may be.

[inkyvendingmachine]

We’d Like Off TGBP’s Wild Ride, Thanks Season 3, Episodes 13

💀 Call of Cthulhu: Haunted Hijinx Masterpost 💀 🎶 Call of Cthulhu Season Three Masterpost 🎶

Warning: This campaign is an edited version of Call of Cthulhu: Song and Dance scenario from the Tales of the Crescent City book. While a lot has been changed, there IS spoilers for it throughout these posts.

Another special shoutout to @bertrumstrousers​ for content in this episode!!! :3c

ART CHANGES THIS SEASON!! @inkdemonapologist and I are collabing on all the art for these summery posts!! Shazz does lines, and I compose and colour the pieces.

Approaching Coney island in two vehicles just as the park is closing, Joey (with Bendy), Henry, Prophet, Jack, Peter, Allison and Leon are ready to try and find the kidnapped Colette, their final missing angel. Most of the people at the park are clearing out as rides start to shut down, getting through the final lines of the evening and taking any funds that are left to take; Joey doesn’t hesitate in shelling out the money to officially buy everyone tickets into the park. It’s along the beach front so it makes a little sense to still want to view the evening sky or whatever…

Instead they beeline directly to Dragons Gorge, a ride that’s already in the process of closing up for the night. The latest prophecy said The Lost Harbor lies beneath the fiend's domain, and Coney Island aficionado Joey was reminded during TGBP's bragging at the contest that there used to be a different attraction under a certain monster themed ride: a 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea ride...and there's something else familiar about the place... 

On the way over, Bendy remarks to Prophet that they really should come back here sometime!! And Prophet gives the place an… appraising look….  sure, we’ll call it that.

Outside of the entrance stand two very familiar statues for anyone who suffered the visions from the one day Prophet called for help… the 'fiends' he saw weren't any sort of earthy beast or even mythos monster, they're the 45 foot tall dragon statues flanking the Dragon's Gorge ride. which, maybe Joey would have pieced together sooner if he had been involved in those visions but noooooo he had to have a different special talk didn’t he. While they’re trying to look for a backdoor in, Prophet ends up getting a nosebleed from trying to push his mythos/ink sensing whatever farther than he should. Joey mouths a (what did you do???) at him not even expecting an answer, but also tries to poke Bendy and see if he remembers anything else from the vision that might let them know how to get in, but there’s been no supernatural enter here signs given. 

So instead, Joey attempts the good ol’ shoe in the door when a crew member walks out. He manages to get his head in to see where this particular back entrance leads, and instead makes eye contact with an employee in a break room. Hm. this isn’t what we were looking for. Of course, Joey does his usual pretend-he-just-belongs-here-and-nothing-is-wrong and asks where they can go to get to the service area under the ride? This question doesn’t really work on the employee Joey first interacted with, but at least he manages to not tip them off that maybe he’s not supposed to be back here.

But… while this is happening, Joey notices another employee hanging around nearby, listening in with interest whenever a few hints at what they’re looking for is revealed. Also the kid’s shoes are leaving quite a lot to be desired. So Joey thanks the first employee, closes the door, and then without any hesitation walks up to this kid and asks him point blank what he knows. This shocks the kid, but he quickly spills what's in his thoughts: He was wondering if Joey was being pranked, actually, and was going to warn him against it. See, this kid’s been under the ride before, it’s all rusty and not a great place to be and he really felt he was going to die or something…. So yeah, if Joey’s being sent that way, it’s probably for a prank, like he was that day.

Prophet interjects to ask how he found himself there, which makes the kid jump again of course because YOUR EYES SIR,,,, but everyone else seems to be chill with this so uhhhhhhh. 

ok.

The kid gets into more detail about the prank he was dragged into, tho hesitates on giving specifics until Joey spins his story right back at him, informing him they’re looking for a friend who might have been wrongfully sent down there, and they’re worried about her. That’s enough for the kid to lead them over to a different service door, where Joey assists in sneaking everyone in, and then eventually to a hatch in the floor in a corner. 

Joey slips him a five and tells him to get new shoes. The group descends.

The under ride is just as dilapidated and spooky as the kid insisted. Dragon's Gorge used to be a different ride -- but while that old contraption is shut down, the previous submarine-like experience in the water had never been removed, and now just had a bunch of rusty grating put over it. Off across the way is a single lit maintenance door, and around in the general area is just a lot of old, moldy decorations, port holes filled with melting dioramas left to time… and a sign.

WELL THAT’S,,, FAMILIAR TO A FEW OF THEM, PROBABLY SHOULD HEAD THAT WAY. SURE AM GLAD TWO MUSICIANS DIDN’T GET KIDNAPPED DOWN HERE WITH HOW LONG IT TOOK FOR US TO FIGURE OUT WE NEEDED TO HEAD IN THIS DIRECTION

Anyways.

So while the Prophet was pointing out the sign, and most of the group was busy being wary of the abandoned ride they found themselves in, a third thing was noticed… Something moving, reaching in the water…. WHICH SHOULD BE FINE.

THERE'S NO AQUATIC CREATURES AT ALL IN CTHULHU MYTHOS SURELY IT'S JUST

FISH………………..

This is pointed out and Henry, who is still acting a little... off... is immediately ready with a stick to whack it. Bendy and Joey end up volunteering to go across first, since Bendy is probably the only one who can react quick enough here if whatever-it-is  under them tries anything fishy (pun intended). But like… even so, uh, please be ready to beat it up???

Allison joins Henry by pulling out a machete from her hand bag.

Joey starts across, and indeed manages to find a fall-away grate piece, specifically hinged to drop someone into the water below. But Bendy assists with helping him leap across without issue, and after making sure the water creature isn’t planning on just crawling up to join them, the rest of the group warily makes their way across, being ready to find the same sort of traps along the way.

Prophet immediately activates another one of those holes he was just warned aout, and manages to catch himself on the edge and scramble out before whatever in the water manages to grab him. So of course Joey and Prophet get into an argument while Jack looks around to find an actual safe path for everyone to traverse. The rest of the group gets across without incident to the maintenance door, at which point Prophet points out that something’s lurking in the shadows over there. 

Whatever it is, it seems to have a shine to it, and is actively crouching and moving backwards, not exactly wanting to engage with the group. But also it’s tall… little bigger than anyone here. Jack pulls out his flashlight from the bag of possibly needed supplies he’s been carrying this entire time, and hands it to Joey to use it, while Prophet tries to sneak closer to see it.

The light shows off a very nice suit, on a very large body, which is topped with not a human head, but some kind of steam making engine contraption thingy. How do they know it makes steam?? Well because it immediately makes a terrible shrieking sound and throws a bunch of hot steam at the two the moment light is shined on it!!!!! Prophet scrambles out of the way, shoving Joey into the wall, where he takes damage from both that and getting hit with the steam on his arm, causing both himself and Bendy to yelp in pain.

WELL.

THAT’S ON YOUR CONSCIOUS NOW, HUH PROPHET???

The weird head-replaced thing shoves itself deeper into the junk and tries to hide away, and the group takes the hint that neither of them feel like interacting with each other and move on. Henry helps Joey up while he attempts to recompose himself, since well, he’s not good with pain…

Prophet does end up asking if they’re feeling alright, in which Bendy admits while Joey stays silent assuming the question isn’t for him, that Joey is indeed now burnt because of that. Prophet says he’ll be more attentive next time… but still in a way that probably is only @ Bendy lmao. get wrecked joey. But Bendy is looking out for his friend, and tries to maybe put some ink over it and help protect the burns or… something while they press forwards. It’s not making them feel better though, especially as a new wave of dizziness washes over Joey, like his sense of balance is starting to drain from him…

Meanwhile, Jack’s having a few flashbacks to NOLA… and the last time he met people with metallic heads, the last time he befriended them… Peter is having similar flashbacks, but in more of a “hey lets maybe not get chased around again thanks” way.

But for now, they head in through the door to the next area. It actually looks like a sort of maintance room, but instead of just a few things for fixing stuff around the ride, it’s more like a working area for… building stuff? Including a desk near the front that happens to contain… an audio log? 

Meanwhile, Leon is trying to get Joey to let him patch up his hands, but Joey is extremely insistent on them pushing forwards, not even taking time to listen through the entire tape. Jack however, has a pretty good idea of who that figure with the engine for a head was out in the hall, and wants to see if… maybe they can help him? He managed to get through to Norman before, after all… Peter stays with him as he starts to hang back, and Prophet soon enough also notices the missing sheep and heads back as well.

There’s the sound of groaning metal, and Joey has fully determined he’s not getting his hands checked out. Leon, Allison, and Henry trail after him, a little bit behind as they notice some yellow circles and markings on the ground that someone maybe chose to ignore for the sake of moving on.

Joey walks towards the door on the other side of the room, not paying attention to the piles of junk around him, and not noticing that the metal sound he was hearing… wasn’t from the ride above.

It was from the whipper ride right next to him, as it swung to life and knocked him off his feet, catching him in one of the ride cars and continuing to spin him around.

Henry jumps around the shelves as he notices this, grabs an ax that was attached to the wall, and prepares to, y’know, fIGHT AN AMUSEMENT PARK RIDE??? Somewhere in all this, familiar British ranting has started up.

There doesn’t seem to be any giant off switches or cords to pull to stop the ride from whirling, and the circles under it can be identified as similar to the same magic used to squish spirits into humans, from back at the apartment. But this one apparently squished Bertrum’s head into his own amusement park ride… At least we were already working on a way to undo that for other reasons.

Meanwhile, in the other area, Jack does hear all the yelling and ranting and mechanical sounds from the ride and yelps of pain happening, and also runs back in, staring with Prophet at at this whirling amusement park ride that… still has Joey in it. Unmoving. Not responding…

Well. Actually. Someone is responding. It’s Bendy, who is freaking out, and yelling that he’s lost Joey and he doesn’t know what to do and he’s just trying to hang on for dear life!! HELP!!!!

Henry starts chanting some other creepy spell. Prophet immediately recognizes this spell: it’s a compulsion spell! Something that, long ago in Haiti, had been turned on Henry, he’s now trying to use to get the ride to maybe slow down and stop?? Anything??? Nobody knows how to fight an amusement park ride actually, holding the ax just looks real cool. Allison tries to distract it, but it’s not caring about her in the slightest.

Okay well, Jack’s going to run back to the other room and try to … call out? To the figure they saw before?? Ask if… if any of Bertrum Piedmont is still in there?

There’s a puff of emphatic steam.

Jack mentions he wants to help… and gets another puff of steam, as it comes out of it’s hiding spot. Peter has joined Jack, staying back some but ready to help. Jack does manage to get some kind of half communication going, and finds out that this engine-headed Bertrum can see, and is willing to assist in helping with the other side…

Meanwhile, Prophet has taken out one of the weapons he was handed earlier, which was one of the gun that came from Timothee’s stash, and takes aim at the head inside the ride, waiting first to see if Henry’s spell works.

Well… it certainly pops off, but not in the right direction, and instead of getting the ride to ‘stop’, Henry locks up and falls over himself. The machine tries to throw Joey at them, but instead stutters itself and gets locked into place for a moment. Prophet sees this and tries to shoot it, but misses still, so he tries again and– Jams the gun!! COOL. Prophet drops the gun and decides to just run through while he has the chance and go fix what needs to be actually fixed while the rest of the group deals with this nuisance. 

Jack, meanwhile, has entered the room with steam-engine head Bertrum, (everyone takes sanity damage from that ™) and introduces the two halves to each other. They both have kinda… slowed down and stopped to stare at each other… Unfortunately, the car that Joey’s in is up in the air, so Allison and Henry can only call to Bendy in concern.

But it seems the two Bertrums are having… what could resemble a conversation????? It sounds like the big machine one thinks these guys are all here to finish them off once and for all, at which point Jack steps forwards and makes sure it’s known that’s NOT true, they’re not here to do that, and actually they’ve seen this before and might be able to help… reverse it? But they will need cooperation for that to happen!

And he manages to actually get through! Turns out, Bertrum isn’t too thrilled to been shoved into his art, and he’d like off. Or out, i guess.

The machine lowers the car that Joey’s in, and Henry is able to go over and pull him out. He’s not dead, and Bendy can kinda confirm he’s not actively dying, but both his legs are broken and Joey still hasn’t gained consciousness from all of this yet… At least they have reason to pause and try to help him before dealing directly with the Bertrum issues, since Joey IS the one who knows the most about magic like this. 

Meanwhile, Prophet has snuck off to the next room, and found a new gun to shoot.

[Next Episode]

[Previous Episode]

[prince-honeypaw]

i really like your cg!momo post!!! do you think you could do cg!momo and little!hitoshi with helpful big brother little!denki? (if you don’t wanna do momo again maybe just denki and hitoshi?)

♡ I will always do a Momo post if given the opportunity. I will admit that this post got away from me at the end, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless! ♡ A big thank you to my dearest @paper--moons for once again helping me out! You can thank them too for the angsty idea! >:3c

♡ With Hitoshi being an infant regressor, he requires a significant amount of attention lest he resort to shenanigans, such as toy chewing and woeful mewling cries. But his sibling set mate, Denki, is a toddler! From two to three, sometimes four or five depending on how he started the day.

♡ But, no matter the case, their regression sessions tend to get pretty messy, what with Denki being the one in charge of most things. Yes he can mix a bottle of formula, but the fridge will still be open and milk will be splattered all the way from it to the microwave. They would also be missing half a loaf of bread because Denki was trying to figure out how to make sandwiches without a knife. They both ended up just eating the bread and jelly with their hands.

♡ Safe to say, they needed a caregiver to mediate their regression time, and Momo is all too happy to offer her services! She has plenty of experience with watching Tsuyu, Kyouka, and Shoto, so she wouldn't be flying blind.

♡ Hitoshi is hesitant, as he usually is, but Denki quickly soothes his main man's worries by asking the question on the taller boy's mind. "That's really kind, Yaomomo! Though, one of us regresses preeetty low, is that okay with you? Totally no pressure to say yes!"

♡ Of course, Momo doesn't see an issue with this at all! She eagerly says that she'll get everything ready for a whole weekend at her manor, considering her parents are in Sicily! Denki doesn't get a chance to explain further before she's off to compare notebooks with Izuku, talking about how she needs to get his help in organizing her notes- Oh! And she'd have to get a bed rail for the guest room! So much to do and so little time!

♡ Seeing Shinsou still looking hesitant, Kaminari would take his hand and brush a thumb over his knuckles with a comforting smile. "Look, we can use this weekend as a test run, kay? If it doesn't work for you then we can try someone else–and if no one works we can just keep doing what we do! So no more pouting, alright?"

♡ To which Shinsou would pout more and say, "I was not pouting." Still... He seems more comfortable knowing that Kaminari wouldn't hold this against him if it didn't work out.

♡ The plan is to stay over at Momo's for the weekend to give this match-up a proper try, the boys bringing any regression gear or resources they feel comfortable sharing with her and talking about their respective regressions. Hitoshi was nervous, standing in front of the sprawling manor that was probably worth more than his old neighborhood while clinging tightly to his Build-a-Bear black cat, Miss Spooky. Meanwhile, Denki had already seen the Yaoyorozu Estate during study sessions, and was quick to sling an arm around his companion with that award winning smile, "No pressure, 'kay? If something feels wrong just tug on my shirt and I'll... Uh, we'll figure out what I'll do then!"

♡ Shinsou's shoulders slump and he fixes Kaminari with the flattest expression, and an even flatter tone, "Wow. My hero." And before his anxiety can rise again, Shinsou presses the call button to let Yaoyorozu know they're there! Not before grabbing Kaminari's hand, however. "Just a moment! I'll come get you," Momo's voice chirps from the speaker and the gates unlock, prompting Hitoshi to hold Denki's hand just a bit tighter.

♡ Momo is quick to come get the boys, eagerly detailing everything she's done to prepare for this weekend while leading them up to her home, but Hitoshi can't seem to focus on a word she says.

He's scared. There are so many things that could go wrong this weekend from him not liking Momo's caregiving style to the world flooding over... To Momo maybe not liking him. Hitoshi got so in his head about not liking this that he didn't even consider the possibility that maybe Momo would think he's too needy, or too whiny, or- Or—

♡ A gentle squeeze on his fingers is enough to bring him back down. Denki is smiling at him, rubbing his thumb over the back of his hand.

♡ Standing in front of the arching double doors to Momo's home, Hitoshi swallows his fear and tunes back into what Momo is saying. "When I looked up what colors appealed to younger age groups for you two, I found that there was a lot of overlap! So I chose some shades of reds and pinks for Kaminari since infants typically find red more stimulating—" Hitoshi and Denki stopped walking in tandem. Something didn't add up there.

♡ Hitoshi's clammy hand is all the push Denki needs to muster up a gentle smile for Momo and say, "Whoa whoa whoa! I think there's been a misunderstanding here, Yaomomo," He starts quickly, "See, my space is more uh.. Twoish-threeish-fourish, depending on the planet's alignment or something- Whatever, see, Hitoshi is the infant regressor, not me."

Momo looks puzzled, looking from Denki and up to Hitoshi. Then clapping her hands over her mouth in shock! "Oh! Oh my goodness, I got all ahead of myself and didn't even think to ask, I am so sorry, Shinsou-"

"It's fine," Hitoshi quickly states, "It's... An easy mistake to make." Drawing his hand from Denki's to rub the back of his neck, wearing a flimsy sort of half grin. "A mistake plenty of people make..."

♡ After clearing that little mistake up, things go according to the agreed-upon plan! ... For the most part. When talking about their regressions, Shinsou takes a back seat on the talking part and lets Kaminari take over and occupies himself with Miss Spooky. Yaoyorozu takes this as him being shy, what with her brazenly assuming he was the older regressor between the two, but Kaminari knows better. He decides very quickly that he will help Miss Momo make it up to Hitoshi, no matter what!

♡ Despite the mix-up, Momo proves to be a very competent caregiver! The selection of toddler toys is vast enough that it would have satisfied Denki's ever-changing desires... If he weren't on a mission to be the absolute BEST big brother/little helper combo in the whole dang world!

When Hitoshi struggles to slide into his headspace, Denki takes up one of the soft furred puppy rattles Momo had made and shimmies it right across the table to him. "Beep beep beep, this puppy's got a super strong sad-dar and a mission to eliminate all frowny faces in the world - Better watch out, 'Toshi! Beep beep beeeeeeep-" A few puppy kisses later and Hitoshi is significantly less pouty, and significantly more sitting on top of Denki and beep-beep-beeping him with an innocent rattle puppy.

♡ For the first part of the day, things go the way they usually do with Kaminari and Shinsou. They play around for a few hours until the latter resorts to munching on Kaminari's Pompompurin hoodie. Usually, they'd have to raid the kitchen at this point, but Yaoyorozu is on the case!

♡ Momo sets the duo up in the den closest to the kitchen so she can keep an eye on them while she makes snacks, but a hand tugging at her shirt catches her attention. Denki is there, dragging a Long Furby that Mina had personally crafted for him, and seems insistent on telling her a secret. She gladly leans in to listen.

♡ "Hey, hey, I'm gonna tell yous a secret, 'kay? You can't tell on me for it, promise?" Denki whispers to her, quiet enough to not alert Hitoshi during his coloring session, and holds out his outstretched pinky finger. He sounds so sincere that she knows it couldn't be a bad secret. So, of course, she locks her pinkie with his.

"Oh, certainly. Cross my heart and everything," And oh if smiles could shine, he'd match the sun.

"See, Hitoshi is a baby," He starts slowly, making sure that Momo is following along, "Babies need naps- But, not me, because I'm not a baby."

"Of course."

"So, I try to get him all sleepy, but it never works, okay?" A spark of frustration literally skitters through his hair. Momo thinks she understands what's going on now.

"You would like for me to try, is that it?" She asks, earning a nod.

♡ Well, how can she refuse? With Shinsou occupied in the other room, the two co-conspirators get to work!

♡ Denki graciously tells Momo how to make Hitoshi's bottle just right and Momo tells him to find a story on her tablet. He chooses Mog the Forgetful Cat, knowing it's his and Hitoshi's favorite, and asks if he can go get something from his weekend bag.

He does not wait for an answer.

♡ Momo makes jam and toast while Denki is off looking for who knows what, when she is interrupted once more. This time with a much more timid tug at her sleeve.

♡ When she turns, Hitoshi is standing uncertainly near her, hugging Miss Spooky tightly and nursing the pacifier he'd brought from home. Coloring had gotten boring without Denki, but the blonde had ran up the stairs on all fours just five minutes earlier so there was no one to play with.

He'd gotten lonely.

♡ This is very surprising for Momo! All day the poor dear had been so unsure of how to interact with her, so he tried not to interact with her much at all. So she considered this a big step forward for the rest of the weekend, smiling gently at the little one.

"Hello there. Did you get curious?"

Of course he did, bobbing his head without a second thought. "I see, I see! Well, thank you for joining me then. Would you like to help pick out a sippy cup for Denki's juice?"

That gets a more lively response, upgraded from head bobbing to eager nodding.

♡ With the orange sippy cup chosen, a snack made, a story chosen, and the lights comfortably dimmed, all that was missing was a certain little tyke! Momo is pleasantly surprised that Denki comes scrambling back to the den with his prize; a fuzzy, dark blue blanket that was decorated with golden stars. The two boys often shared it when watching movies together, so he considered it a perfect candidate to be a designated napping blanket.

He sets up next to Momo, and that prompts Hitoshi to crawl up against her other side. The blanket is thrown over all of their laps as they begin their snack time-story time combo.

♡ By the time the story is finished, Momo finds herself being used as a living pillow for the sleepiest little boys in the entire prefecture.

♡ She couldn't be happier with the results and looks forward to the rest of the weekend.

[queasyghosts]

shaman king ch 12

i missed out on so much shaman king, decided that why not and read one more?

Love jun and Lee ;o;)/  its so hard to think of a favorite character or a set of characters because their stories and personalities are so unique and interesting in itself. like i can’t just favorite 1 or 2 characters only! i do have my fave fave fave characters, but ultimately im a huge fan of the whole set :,) theyre all so complex and different. its so fun and interesting to read

i just liked this scene of the cat and whole view.

SOO CUTE everyone else things that manta is just sitting by himself but like theyre all so cute here ;o;)/

Yoh’s reactions!! ;o;)/ he’s like this dude is a man of men. who he wants to be. cool strong and badass. what an inspiration

hehehehe thats something i like about this series. i feel like while it does follow like early high schoolers..late middle schoolers? and everything is so intense and over the top, that the kids still can and do act like kids despite everything. i love it.

look at ami ;o;)/ hes so cute here while the kids are all talking about the cool ass movie they just saw and ami is like: wow that was so cool and amazing! i can sneak into movie houses and watch them whenever >:3c 

manta doing his little kicks and aaa he looks adorable in these panels

manta is so satisfied with himself and yoh is just like ? uh how um how do you know so much??? :,0

anna always ready to fight lol love that for her

HER!!! AAAAA

i wonder if anna learned about jun’s type of practice through in real life experiences or through readings and studies? ?

yoh is star struck but also horrified :,0c happy halloween 

if i was yoh i’d be like bro seriously? your brother already beat me up and now this? i barely recovered a few months ago and my fiance comes and runs me up and down the river and now this ?? for a nice evening with my friends and this >:0  i also love that yoh is like holding back ami like ami is NOT having it. He is fed up with these tao kids trying to seperate them.

cool scene cool scene

2 out of 2 tao siblings have beaten up yoh : ( its kinda sad because anna at first was like wow my training with yoh is really helping him >: ) and then bam smack! it was just for a second :( and like this is ANOTHER great motivator for yoh but like still :( he worked so hard all summer, finally getting a small break and outing with his friends and then getting literally smacked down again ? like man :( i’d be super frustrated if i was in his situation :(

MAN i can’t believe i havent read so much of shaman king yet because every time i read a new chapter i have to literally stop myself from reading more and more. the point of making these posts and stuff is to help me slow down and really really appreciate the art and the story. To digest the concepts and ideas at my own pace unlike the anime. but man!! the writing, the characters, the pacing?? is so well done and so heartfelt and fun and just wow i want to read more and more every time :,0

[firelxdykatara]

Katara x Aang :3c

are you trying to get me in trouble

-cough-

no but in all honesty, my genuine feelings about kataang boil down to three major points: 1. it's boring, and does not jive thematically with either of their character arcs, to the point of, 2. actively hampering character development on both sides, and 3. katara deserved better.

points expanded under the cut. (please, if you're a kataang shipper and you see this, just keep scrolling. i've tagged it appropriately and put the bulk under a cut and at this point that's literally all i can do lmfao.)

send me a ship and get my (brutally) honest opinion!

1. It's Boring: This is the most subjective point on the list (I mean, in fairness, it's all subjective, but I have evidence from the show and post-canonical materials to support my other points; this one is just preference), but there's just... nothing to kataang. It's cute (when it's not actively aggravating), and... that's about it. It's not even that I dislike friends-to-lovers as a shipping trope (though it's not my overall preference), because there are a lot of friends-to-lovers couples that I do ship (kanej comes to mind, also will/elizabeth from potc, karolsen from supergirl, romione and hinny from hp, among others), but one thing that I think all of those couples have that kataang doesn't is that both sides of the pairing are teens or adults when they get together, with teen/adult dynamics and issues and stories to deal with, rather than one half being a teenager and the other being literally prepubescent.

And don't get me wrong, I have no problem with age gap ships in general. And as far as atla goes, Katara, at 14, has the same age difference from Zuko (16) as Aang has from her, and it's never stopped me--because both Katara and Zuko are well into puberty when they meet and I have no problem picturing them being into one another and growing together as they enter adulthood. Aang, on the other hand, is a child. And he acts like it. Which wouldn't be a problem, if the show weren't expecting me to believe he is a) ready for a romantic relationship, and b) ready for one specifically with Katara, who is not only older and far more mature but is specifically cast as his caretaker in a very maternal role for the entire show's run.

This show asks me to believe that a teenage girl well into adolescence is going to be attracted to and develop romantic feelings for a pre-adolescent child--and it asks me to believe this while showing us otherwise that Katara's type is actually older boys with fabulous hair and angsty pasts in all of her other potential romantic dalliances--and then enter into a relationship with him, all while ignoring the elephant in the room that is the fact that she was basically acting like his mother for the entire series to that point. (Something that is heavily lampshaded earlier in the very same season.) That just stretches the bounds of credulity way too far for me, especially when there's no evidence that Katara herself would get anything out of their romantic relationship.

There's nothing there for me to sink my teeth into. No delicious development, no parallels where they help each other grow, no internal conflicts that they have to work through together, nothing. Certainly no reason for me to actually believe Katara feels (or would grow to feel) anything for him other than the platonic affection of a caretaker. I can easily believe she loves him dearly, as a friend and quasi-little-brother, but I just can't see that developing naturally into romantic love--not the way it's presented in the show.

And even if they did manage to at least make the development of Katara's feelings believable, unless they changed something fundamental about the nature of their relationship, it'd still be boring, so.

2. It Actively Hampers Their Character Development--On Both Sides: I've written before (extensively lol im so sorry) about how kataang is actively detrimental to Katara and to Aang. In short (because ye gods this post is already getting long enough), Katara is narratively harmed by being shoved into a relationship that completely ignores her stated feelings--a relationship that had been presented as a one-sided puppylove crush for the vast majority of the series--and it inhibits her growth as a character in ways that become far more obvious in the comics and lok, where the very same creative forces that lead to her beginning a relationship with Aang in the first place reduce her to 'the Avatar's girl' and very little else, all the way through to the end of LoK (where she is a Healer and the Avatar's wife and, again, very little else).

As for Aang:

As to how this relationship is detrimental to Aang (other than the comics and LoK nonsense)? Just take a look at book 2, when he’s trying to learn Earthbending from Toph. Katara constantly coddles him. Much of the time, she’s afraid to be anything other than gentle and understanding with Aang--partly because of her fear that if she pushes him too far, he’ll run away. (Which he does, several times.) But sometimes, what Aang needs to grow is a sharp kick in the slats, which Toph was more than willing to provide--and which worked. Katara was great for teaching Aang to waterbend, but he needed more than that to grow as a person. And he can’t get that while he’s in a relationship with someone who will apologize for getting upset when he was very explicitly neglecting her.

In addition, it is pointed out by Guru Pathik at the end of Book 2 that one of Aang's chakras is blocked by his attachment to Katara. Aang takes this to mean (incorrectly) that he has to stop loving her in order to become fully realized as an Avatar, but this is actually part of the problem--because the issue isn't that he is in love with Katara, it's that he's possessively attached to her. He believes himself entitled to her love in return, rather than selflessly loving someone regardless of whether or not they return that affection. (This is obvious come the EIP episode, where Aang demands to know why he and Katara aren't in a relationship already--because he kissed her without asking [or even checking to see if she'd be ok with kissing him], which he phrases as mutual even though it very much was not, and he gets angry and violates her boundaries when she says that she is confused and doesn't want to think about it right then.)

It is his attachment to Katara--the need for her to return his love, the belief that she will and it is only a matter of time before he gets what he wants--that he was supposed to let go of, not his feelings for her in general. Unfortunately, while he pays lipservice to doing this (far too late for it to be useful--if he'd stayed with the Guru for five more minutes and unlocked his chakra there, that battle would've gone very differently), he almost immediately backtracks on that development come book 3, and there isn't another single whisper of Aang maybe growing up and moving past his one-sided and possessive crush and realizing that even if Katara doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't mean she loves him less or that their friendship is less important.

What really needed to happen, for Aang to grow as a person and become fully realized as an Avatar, was for him to grow up. To realize that his feelings were not of paramount importance, and that even if he was in love with Katara, he was not entitled to her love in return. He should have been able to move past his need for her to love him back, in order to get past that stumbling block, unlock his chakras, and regain the Avatar State in time to face the Firelord. But he didn't. As a result, they had to find some other way to just give him the Avatar State (a well-placed rock) and the means to defeat Ozai without killing him (the deus ex lionturtle) and his entire character arc just fell apart in the third act rather than reaching a satisfying conclusion.

3. Katara Deserved Better: This really ties into how her romantic relationship with Aang hampered her own development, but I'm still bitter enough about it that it gets its own bullet-point. And the biggest single reason I could never ship kataang--the thing that would've turned me off even if there were substance and a halfway decent storyline for them--is the fact that Aang kisses her without her consent (for the second time) in Ember Island Players, Katara gets angry at him and storms off, and then..... she walks out onto the balcony to make out with him.

With nothing to bridge that gap.

It's bad enough that a show aimed at children had a scene where the child protagonist kissed the object of his affections without her consent when she didn't want him to (made explicit by her angry reaction)--and this is absolutely an issue when the show is aimed at children and it may well be the first experience they've had with consent issues portrayed in media--but this moment is never addressed again. Katara just decides--completely off-screen--that she does love him Really and walks out to make out with him in the epilogue. There's no conversation, no apology for violating her boundaries, no discussion of why that was wrong or any indication that Aang understands what he did and why it upset her. They don't have a single one-on-one interaction between that kiss and the epilogue, and the only other time they are on screen together, Aang yells at her and storms off.

So, even leaving the comics and lok aside, Katara deserved much better from her own romantic plotline. In fact, she deserved to have one, rather than simply being the oblivious object of Aang's affections, given a couple moments where she blushes but otherwise remains completely ignorant of his feelings (she looks shocked and upset when he kisses her prior to the invasion, and then she completely forgets that even happened because she's confused as to what Aang is even talking about during EIP until he brings it up; that's not the behavior of a fourteen-year-old girl who was kissed by someone she was developing romantic feelings for), before the epilogue where it becomes clear that she figured all of that out off-screen and had feelings for him after all.

She's a main character, not a side-character written in solely to give one of the mains a love interest. She deserved a romantic plotline of her own. (She could have had one with someone else, with very few changes made to what was actually on-screen prior to the epilogue, but that's another conversation entirely.) She deserved to have her feelings considered at all important by the person she was going to be paired with in the end, rather than having him just assume she felt the same way and then get mad at her for never giving any indication of it when he'd never asked about her feelings to begin with. She deseserved agency in her own romantic narrative, and she just didn't get that with Aang.

So yeah, at the end of the day, my biggest issue with kataang is that it involved doing Katara dirty, and she's my favorite character and she deserved so much better damnit.

[yumefag]

OK this is going into a read more because that’s 10 questions. i really did become the sp/mton mutual didn’t i 💀

also doing it in alphabetical specifically to torture y’all

Art: Do either of you do some kind of art? Music, drawing, writing, baking, etc. Do you make gifts for the other?

well, obviously i do because *gestures to my art tag*. of course there’s also stuff i don’t post :3c

spam’s a creative i think but he doesn’t give himself much credit for it because, well, he’d describe it as lacking execution. he loves making cards and trying to create as a hobby but he has a hard time living up to his standards. it takes a lot of reassurance you love anything and everything he makes.

Early: Are you two early or late to events? Why?

LATE. oh my god. even if spam had a car he’s too unmedicated to have a sense of time. he’s the one who takes a long time to get ready while shouting that no one else is.

Garish: Do either of y’all have just… godawful fashion sense?

WE BOTH DO!!!! but we make it work. his big shot era really shines through in choice of fashion if he got the chance. he fully intends on making everything match with me, which i personally think is corny but you’d never stop your partner from doing what they love.

Kiss: Any preferred ways of showing affection? How about PDA?

it’s me 99% of the time lifting him up, whether it be for kisses or hugs or to see something better. i do think he hangs on my shoulder a lot when on the go because he also likes to feel tall.

on his side though he likes to be a little smarmy, grab butt and such. but that’s all i can say, i don’t think he’d do anything more tacky.

Marriage: Would y’all ever consider getting married? If so, what’s the wedding like?

OK so real talk, with the F/Os i DO want to marry, i’d prefer eloping on the virtue of my family being very judgmental of my tastes. i don’t even think a lot of them have family.

splam on the other hand- like, even though he has nobody, he still wants a giant fucking wedding. renting out a whole church, big band, giant cake, releasing doves (or an equivalent - maybe he just hoards a fuckton of maice and releases them into the empty crowd). and of course, you indulge on that, because as he puts it, “I DID NOT SPEND 15 YEARS IN A DUMPSTER TO NOT HAVE A MAGICAL WEDDING”

though what little choice i have in the wedding he respects and is more dedicated to than his wants.

Nap: Do y’all take naps together? How does that generally go?

i already nap a lot. i think initially he would hate that because he’s such an active person and i doubt he would need that much sleep, but soon after he would love it. he just lies on top of me and we accidentally oversleep. and we hold hands. we hold hands....

Oser: How adventurous are y’all? Do you try new things (new foods, going new places, etc) very often, or do y’all stick with what you know?

he likes exploring if i’m able to take him into the light world, but he also likes showing me places. at the same time we’re both autistic so we are absolutely limited on foods and how long we can go out before flopping on the living room floor.

Party: How do you act at parties? Have either of you been dragged along, or were you enthusiastic about going? 

i have been rotating the concept of being with big shot spam in my mind (as that’s the only context this would be applicable i think), and he’d probably be with me the entire time to calm down and show me off. that low self esteem still has a death grip on him...

Reassure: How do you comfort them when they’re upset? How do they comfort you?

we are both touch-starved kindred souls, so it’s mostly just cuddling. i try to talk him out of the space he’s in, run my hands through his hair.

he’s however naturally a goofball so initially he says stupid shit to try and make me laugh. if it doesn’t work because i’m so out of it, he just quietly holds on to me and rubs my back.

Sing: Do either of you sing along when music plays? What does the other think?

if we’re both alone we both do! in public it’s less likely to happen. but i’m assuming he thinks my voice is cute and sweet like most people think but probably to like 11 like he wants to pounce me.

i also think his voice, even if it ends up being scratchy (maybe he naturally has autotune? much to think about) would have its own charm that would make me sigh dreamily and want to smooch him.

anyway, end thread. i’m gay @clover-garden-selfshipping​ @haidahyena​ @sluggieships 

[backslashdelta]

1 Day of Glee Blogs: kurthummeldeservesbetter

Every time @kurthummeldeservesbetter hosts a Glee Blog Awards (and I say every time because it has happened more than once now), I want to nominate her, but she won’t let me.

Enough is enough.

Alex, you deserve an award. For all the work you’ve put in to making our little corner of the internet a better, more fun, more positive place to be. You do so much for our fandom and it just feels wrong for all of that hard work to go unrecognized, especially when you do so much to recognize the hard work other people put in.

So, we’ve decided to not let it go unrecognized.

I took a page from your book and figured that the best way to do this would be to ask other people to say things so that I have to say less things. So I reached out to everyone who received a nomination for the 25 Days of Glee Blogs, told them my idea, and asked them if they had anything they’d like to say to you. Several people told me they were thinking about doing this exact same thing, so I guess I’m just lucky that I got around to sending out the messages first. And, of course, lots of people had some lovely things to say (and show!) you! So, without further ado, let’s get on with it.

@coffeeorderwrites: “The glee blog awards were such a sweet and wonderful idea and I was personally so grateful to be able to put some positivity out into the world through doing these nominations. It's also clear a huge amount of effort went into the posts from the individual banners to the personalized recommendations. Thank you so much for doing this! Also I just want to add I thoroughly enjoy your head cannons and very much enjoy having you on my dash 😊”

@20xbetterthanu: “Hi Alex! You’re fucking amazing for doing this for everyone—you’re amazing in general, your head cannons are on point and your love for Kurt hummel is superior and I just wanted to say thank you! Ily—Ally”

@katimanki: “I want to nominate the oh so wonderful @kurthummeldeservesbetter for every blog award there is and has been. Because of all her weirdly specific headcanons that are (too often lol) 100% accurate. And the stupidest shit posts that are absolute gold (the glee-books, Should-I-drink-all-this-coffee-??-!) I admire her motivation and ability to produce daily quality content.💕 All the effort she puts into everything she puts out is simply astounding. She literally did two blog awards this fall, all by herself, completely unprompted and selflessly. She did all that for other people in the fandom and never asked for anything back. I can't be anything but grateful and amazed (and a little jealous of her commitment abilities haha)!! And look at her go again! Just over a week since 25 days of blogs and she already has a new event ready to go! 💖”

@lallagoglee:

@esperantoauthor: 

@spaceorphan18: “I'm glad that they're supporting blogs in a positive way, and not limiting who they're showcasing. I think it's great that fandom can be inclusive and welcoming, and I hope others follower her trend of supporting others within the fandom. :)”

@crissmastrees-and-candyklaines: “I think Alex is such a great person to be constantly putting on things like this. It take a truly wonderful soul to constantly spread gratitude and appreciation for others! Thank you Alex for being so awesome 💞”

@crayonstoperfume: “i love that she brings so much positivity to the fandom! every time i see her on my dash she’s lifting up her friends, celebrating content creators, or just coming up with something amazingly creative and funny!!”

@personalgarbagepile: “Dear Alex, I would like to thank you for all the stuff you have done and all the things you are planning in the future. I’m not sure what the new project is exactly but I will be participating whenever it starts. I love all the writing content you provide as well as all the posts you make in appreciation for the fans. They’re really sweet. Finally, I hope that one day you achieve your dream of moving up north, both because it’s great up here and because living in Florida is utterly unrelatable.”

@kuiinncedes: “amazing blog overall - iconic url, lovely, funny person, her blog awards spread so much positivity and love and it’s so sweet for her to organize them! and her headcanons are so awesome, i always love reading them so much!!! a greatly appreciated part of this fandom :))”

@gleeincorrectquotes: “I don’t know her very well, but she seems really nice, her headcannons are always so spot on and hilarious, and her idea for the glee awards was so sweet :)“

@snarkyhag: “Big thanks to kurthummeldeservesbetter for running the 25 Days of Glee blogs. It's cool to find new people to follow and to see my friends celebrated for the awesome they are. Not sure how his pun machine made it into the group but I am honored.”

@heartsmadeofbooks:  "I've never actually talked to Alex, but that doesn't mean I don't know what a sweet person she is. She takes the time to make Awards and the 25 days of Blogs to brighten everyone else's day despite really not having to go to all that trouble. Her headcanons are amazing and the reason I started to follow her in the first place, and I look forward to more of them in the future. If this were another edition of her awards, she would win "Kindest and Most Generous Person in the Fandom" award :) Sending you much love and gratitude, Alex! ♥"

@black-john-lennon: “I’d like to say Thank you for keeping the fandom alive and spreading positivity.“

@soonbuilt: 

@proudly-so: “Just wanted to say thank you for everything you do for the Glee fandom. It is nice to see someone taking so much time to put together well thought out activities for others to enjoy, especially during such a tough year. Thank you for all that you do!!”

@justgleekout: “She is such an incredible addition to the fandom! With her awards she really creates such a nice community feeling. The way she always thinks of others is absolutely wonderful. Her hcs always make me giggle and she is just a pleasure to see on your dash really!!“

@hippohead: “The amount of time and effort that Alex has put into the 25 Days of Blogs is incredible and so selfless - it wasn't to get anything out of it, it was to create a space for the klaine community to celebrate each other and the things we make and share. I think that's wonderful. A big thank you to Alex for their organizational skills, for doing the event and spreading so much love and support! I hope they know how much we appreciate it and them 💞”

@byebyeblainey: "Alex!!!! Thank you so much for not only hosting the 25 days of glee blogs event, but for also being such a wonderful, kind, lovely person!! we haven't talked much but honestly ur vibes are IMPECCABLE and i'm so glad that u joined glee tumblr!! u light up my dashboard and i'm so happy to call u my mutual! <3"

And finally, I couldn’t end this post without a chart, so I’ve done some thorough research and put togehter the following incredibly precise and accurate graph.

You can see by that red trendline that things are only going up from here! And I wasn’t kidding about the research by the way.

Sources: [1], [2], [3a], [3b], [3c], [4], [5], [6], [7], [8], [9], [10], [11], [12]

Anyway, Alex, I hope you know how much we all love and appreciate you! You bring so much to the fandom, and we’re all so grateful for the time and effort you put in. Thank you so much for bringing some brightness and positivity to our dashes, and I hope that we’ve been able to bring some more joy (or perhaps even some glee) to yours.

[icharchivist]

I have finished winter troupe debut episode! It was very dramatic lmao. Was enjoyable though. Winter troupe all had very interesting characters and It's nice to see a troupe that is all adults.

Since I complained about spring troupe issues being solved by not talking about it. I have to talk about how winter troupes issues were solved by literal outside forces trapping them or letting them read peoples minds.

I'm guessing they did this because unlike the teens who are more willing to be open about themselves and pester others,,,, adults are a lot less likely. (Before winter the adults were, sakyo, and itaru? cause the uni students aren't really adults yet. sakyo opens up to Izumi because he knows and trusts her. Itaru. Hasn't really opened up yet but he's getting there.) Whereas winter troupe is a group of strangers and the two who know each other literally are in the middle of massive misunderstanding/fight?/idk mutual disappointment.

(Also misumi just getting trapped in random time loops???? Holy shit is he ok???? Like he was able to figure it was tsumugi and tasuku this time but what if he doesn't know the people? I have so many questions)

Ok rant over. I have accepted that magic exists in a3 and all it wants is for people to get along and understand each other. But yeah once I crawl through the events and next act I have to rewatch spring hahaha. I definitely wasn't fair to them.

Homare oh my god. Just. Holds gently. I want to protect him. No one deserves to be called a broken cyborg :(

Gahhh all of winter troupe I just want to protect.

Also I saw fuyupoly is a thing? Because I'm excited to see the troupe develop more.

(you said you had a Google drive of the inbetween acts events :eyes: should I message you or something?)

tHEY’RE SO DRAMATIC I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.....

And yeah tbh when you talked about Spring having communication problems my first thought was “oh BOY you haven’t seen Winter yet” DLKFJDLFKJDFLKJDFLK

I. think about Winter much more than i should but yeah, pretty much it’s the fact they’re adults and strangers and just. are extremely conflict avoidant, all of them, for various reasons. Tsumugi because of his crushed confidence, Tasuku because he struggles to convey his feelings and he lost Tsumugi in the past, Hisoka because he litterally has no past and it freaks him out (Homare was spot on when he said Hisoka knew he couldn’t defend himself), Homare because he’s scared he’ll mess up again, and Azuma because he spent his life keeping people at armlength.  They’re all adult and agreeable people, and they are also all pretty understanding in some way, so they let some conflict pass by hoping it will be over soon. Some of them like Tsumugi, Azuma and Homare are also pretty analytic of people on a psychological way so they can try to navigate with what they know. 

But in the end without communication it’s not going very far, but they don’t really know how to do it when all of them are adults who have got used to it. 

so yeah, like you said it’s really that they’re adults and that unlike the youngest ones i think it’s just. they’re all used to compromise and compromise a part of themselves as well. 

but yeah the magic being the thing solving it cracks me up all the time i’m just. Like. okay. Okay cool okay. Normal. Like. Thematically wise i think it’s because Winter is a season that’s so cold and sad but there’s a bit of magic in it (like the magic of christmas) and i think that’s what it is meant to echo but that’s. so out of the blue DLKFJDKLFJDLKFJLDF that said once that just accepted i really love the way the three magical events reflects the characters (Tasuku and Tsumugi needed to reconnect and find back the comfort they had with one another and plushies are considered comfort items that helps transition into a safer place, it’s also linked to childhood and those two are childhood friends. Homare and the loupe are pretty straight forward, he needed to see closer, deeper. Azuma and Hisoka both were locked into a room, isolated, just like their past (or in Hisoka’s case what his flashbacks implies) make them feel isolated, having experienced loss).). I am FASCINATED with Winter. i just. akjhfkdhfkdjfmldjfmd?? sljhfjldk.

but aah i’m glad you enjoyed the ride so much i’m so happy!!

and god yeah please someone check on Misumi i worry for him wtf

and Homare’s arc yeah!! yeah!!! his arc is one of my fav arc i just. really love how it all plays out. It’s really rare to see a story goes “here’s a character with low empathy: and he’s the most loving and kind character you can imagine”. The way he struggles from it, how sad it makes him, this way to see himself, everything makes me want to cry for hours. I want to hold him so bad.

Fuyupoly is definitly a thing yeah. Fuyupoly my beloved. I adore Fuyupoly so much 😭 but Winter is honestly a slow burn, especially in comparaison to the rest of the teams. 

I actually didn’t think much of them at first read (Azuma and Hisoka were already my favs though, i’m so soft for them)(also i say that but i know i found back screenshot of me crying about fuyu on first read so i did feel a lot but it didn’t hit me until late, how much i actually cared), and now i legit can’t stop thinking about all of them. I don’t know how much it says about their slowburn or what it says about me but; Winter.

ANYWAY congratz on finishing the main story of act 1 :3c and yeah, i’d prefer if i could share it in private (bc it’s, a lot of content and if i provide it in public this is clearly piracy and DLKFJDF i know a3 tends to take down some of this content and i’m trying to be stealthy).

Though if you don’t want to come off anon, you can tell me in another anon’s ask, i’ll link you my drive, then you’ll need to send me an ask to tell me you got it so i can delete the post, if you prefer?

anyway the drive is up and ready anytime. i just didn’t update some of the latest act 2′s events but act 1 is filled and that’s the priority. so you know also this drive includes 1) Story events, 2) the songs linked to each plays (which tells the story of the plays, def recommand it), 3) All the backstages from limited time cards i could get. Backstages linked to specific events are inside their specific event files, else the cards which didn’t come in an event are in the “Scouting file”.  What’s important to read plotwise is the Event stories. The backstages are very good and i def recommand it but it may be overwhelming so you can skip them and come back later for them DLKJFLDKFJFD it’s really just the main plot of each event that you should watch.

(also i should mention only the first two events are fully voiced, the rest are just with some voicelines here and there, but i still recommand watching it bc of the mood with the music and the sprites and all)

so yeah ready to send it anytime you want  !! :3c

[imagine-organization-xiii]

There hasn't been a nsfw one in a while so...how to the members (minus the kiddies) handle getting edged? >:3c

you all know sam is my go-to for all things nsfw, so enjoy this special treat that she made

Xemnas

Usually Xemnas is the one doing the edging. The man loves power play in the bedroom, what can I say? And the power of withholding orgasm is definitely something he loves to do. So when you suggest switching the tables, he isn’t too enthused by the idea of things being out of his control. 

But eventually you, being the one person that the man truly treasures, are able to wear him down and he concedes to letting you try. As things get started, Xemnas doesn’t say much more than the occasional moan. You get him close to his breaking point and cease your ministrations, Xemnas lets out a soft groan of frustration, which is honestly very surprising as he is usually very in control of himself. He assures you that he is fine, but it is obvious that he grows frustrated as you urge him closer.

He never begs, not even a little, but you do see him start to gasp and ever so slightly shudder from your touch . And honestly? The power you feel is just exhilarating, and you see why he loves it so. Soon you purr into his ear asking if he was ready to finish and without missing a beat replies with that voice that gives you chills. How could he be pushed so far and still stir you like that?

When you let him release, he does so with a simple gasp and a sigh, as his body relaxes in a post coital state. And again, without missing a beat, asks that you help hand him a towel and clean himself up. He then holds you and says that he did not hate the experience. Score!

Xigbar

At first, Xigbar is pretty cocky about the idea, claiming that he was going to be “pretty boring to watch” and that he’s “a real champ when it comes to self control”. And at first he’s right. Edged once, He sighs and smirks, ready to go again. But with each time, as he gets closer and closer to cumming, he seems to get more and more desperate.

He desperately wants the greater high, but the temptation of cumming is too much for him, that he could lose control. Almost. His breath starts to grow shaky and his usual sounds of pleasure are replaced with desperate moans and gasping.

You know he can’t take much more of this, but when you ask, he refuses to admit defeat. “I.. could do this all day…”. But as you edge him closer for one final time, he will concede and just beg for release. And when you let him have it, the man is seeing stars and living in bliss. Definitely worth it, but will never admit that he actually begged.

Xaldin

He may not look it, but edging is one of those things Xaldin loves. If Xaldin is with someone, it only is because he loves and trusts them with his life. And this man loves being dominated. So when you bring up edging, he is rather excited for it. And his enthusiasm is rather apparent, not in his words so much as the fact that he is so eager. He grows close to his orgasm and as the attention stops, he lets out a moan that almost comes out as a dulcet purring.

His face is already flushed a dark red as he breathes heavily to regain his composure. You are almost worried that this attention is too much for him, but when you ask, he assures you that he is fine before he says that he is ready to start again. As the rounds go on, his gasps are ragged and his heart is roaring in his ears, but as you look over him, he seems to be taking in his senses and basking in the sensations.

At first you worry that it is too much for him, but it becomes clear that Xaldin is simply blissed out on all of the feelings that he is experiencing. And with every time you edge him closer, it seems that that bliss grows stronger, and soon he is just so overcome that he is whispering your name on his lips as if they were sacred prayer, peppered in with ‘I love you’s and adoration of all sorts.

And when that time comes that he finally cums, it's as if the floodgates have opened the pathway to heaven. He orgasms hard, and you start to hold him steady for fear he might faint, but he is so pleased in his post orgasmic glow that he simply peppers kisses along your face and anywhere else he can reach. Needless to say this is something you both will be doing again soon.

Vexen

He doesn’t even know what it is, but I promise you that Vexen does not want to try whatever it is that you are asking of him. He is a busy man that doesn’t have time for primal urges right now. But you beg. And you give him those big eyes, so he allows you to explain what it is you’re asking of him. And honestly? The whole process seems interesting, especially because he knows that sexual intercourse has such a prominent effect on the human brain and emotions.  Suddenly this has become an experiment, as things often do.

Before the main event can begin, Vexen must prepare hypotheses as well as prep his tape recorder and research on the human brain and emotion. The ultimate foreplay is the scientific method, after all. So finally, after all of the prep, the sex can finally start.

You urge him close to orgasm and within seconds his usually pale skin is painted with hues of pink and red. The poor man is so sensitive and it is truly something that you love watching. He gasps and moans from even the smallest touches and his voice is something like music to your ears. You urge him as close as you can before you feel the subtle twitching of his body and come to a quick stop before it’s too late and the experiment is ruined. (And honestly it nearly was).

Vexen gasps as the attention stops as he slowly tries to gain his composure. He then quickly starts to scramble for his notes and tries to write every sensation down before asking to go again, though it's pretty obvious that he was very exhausted already from the experience.

You get him close for a second time, and this time, the spindly man starts to quiver under your touch and his moans grow more hot and desperate. Honestly watching him become more sensitive to you starts to get you hot and bothered by proxy and a thought quickly passes through your mind. An Idea. A wonderfully terrible idea. You edge him closer again before stopping completely, and this time it takes Vexen longer to compose himself but again he scrambles to his notes and writes in his books.

You can feel heat rise in your lower belly in anticipation of what you will do next. Once Vexen lets you know that he is ready to start again, you ease in slowly at first and bask in what a mess the attention you’re lavishing is making him. But as you start to get to your usual pace, you stop before giving the scientist a mischievous look and inching closer to him, easing yourself onto his lap and sliding yourself onto his cock.

Your gasps fill the room as the ecstasy hits you both. It’s something you never tire of as you pump yourself on top of your beloved scientist. It’s as if the air is electric between you as you let the sparks of passion fly through the air. Vexen moans like he never had before and it only drives you closer to your own release. You both move faster and faster as you quickly hit your peak and Vexen comes harder than he had in his life.

You both are completely dazed and for a while, Vexen forgets everything, even his experiment notes. It’s not until a week later that Vexen approaches you and claims that his notes are “inconclusive” and that “More tests are needed.”

Lexaeus

Honestly, Edging is something that appears pretty early in your sexual relationship with Lexaeus. He often prefers slower sex and finds that edging, along with being an excellent test of restraint, is something that makes the lovemaking between the two of you all the more intense. With each passing wave of intensity, Lexaeus revels in the passion and pleasure that ripples through him.

Lexaeus also is a very large and strong man. He prefers his beloved be the one holding the reins so there is less of a chance that he hurts them. He is usually a quiet man, even in the bedroom, with the occasional soft grunt or moan, but with each round of edging, his breathing grows just a little more rough, and the blood rush is dizzying.

Eventually, thanks to you, the man seen as a stone wall was now as soft as the finest clay. You feel as if you can mold this man in the palms of your hand as his soft expression melts through your entire being. He is slowly weathered down into the raw, sensitive being that enchanted you. Soon you lean in to kiss him and suddenly the love making has begun again.

Between Lexaeus’s extremely high stamina and endurance, and the slow pace at which you go, one session of lovemaking could go for hours, or even all day. And needless to say that while Lexaeus is edging himself, you make out like a bandit and cum more times than you can count by the end of the day.

Zexion

While Zexion is still getting used to adding new experiences to the bedroom, when you bring up the possibility of adding Edging, he is surprisingly responsive. He admits to sometimes even edging himself while masturbating purely out of boredom and to see if he could do it.

So when the time comes that you two decide to try it out, Zexion takes the first few rounds of edging fairly well. He gets close, but is still able to regain his composure when all the attention stops all while trying his best to breathe calmly through his nose and maintain an aura of self control.

You were hoping he would be a little more riled up by your edging, but of course everything has its breaking point. As you urge him closer again, Zexion’s breath, once steady and calm, becomes heavy, hot and needy. He whimpers under your caress. And it’s absolutely delicious. You bring him to the brink again and he lets out a desperate moan. Its intoxicating.

You tease him, gently, asking if he wants to cum while tracing a finger along his abdomen. His breath catches before nodding. He pleads, begs for release. And you know, as fun as it is to tease, you can’t deny the poor boy much longer.

You urge him one more time and Zexion cums with a moaning gasp. His head hits the pillow beneath him with a soft thud. As you gently move the hair from his face, you look over his glazed over expression and can't help but chuckle. This is definitely something you’ll be trying again soon.

Saix

At first, Saix doesn’t seem interested in the idea of being edged. He usually is someone who views sex either as a release of tension, otherwise it is a distraction. But of course, he can’t deny you. So after a few days of begging, and giving him those big eyes, he eventually concedes and allows for you to try it once.

At first, it seems that Saix struggles with allowing you control over him. He is not someone to give up his dominance lightly. BUT you suggest adding a small amount of restraint to help with the transition and Saix agrees, honestly more for your safety than anything else. You tie his wrists with a leather strap and get down to it.

You give him a cheeky grin as you begin your ministrations. It takes a little while but you can tell when Saix is close when his breath goes ragged and he starts to thrust himself into your palm. You urge him as close as you can and then stop abruptly. Saix snarls in frustration at the loss of the high before recomposing himself. You smile and coo his name amid praises. When he is ready, you start again.

You get him close again and like last time you get a growl in frustration as you pull your hand away, though he seems more riled up than before. You coo him again gently to try and calm him, but as he regains himself it seems as if he is still seething. As you begin the motions for the third time, Saix snarled before giving you a deliciously devious look. “You have no idea what I would do to you right now, if not for these constraints.”

Oh how you loved when he gave you that look. It was like looking into the eyes of a feral beast, the hunter looking at his prey. Your chest stirred as his gaze met your own. Well, playing along wouldn’t hurt. You keep pumping his cock quicker as you ask exactly what he would do to you. You get him close again and before pulling away Saix smirks “Well..”

And then, all you hear is a sharp snap of the leather strap before a flash of blue pushes you back into the mattress, hard. And staring down at you are a pair of intense, passionate golden eyes. And lets say that while the edging didn’t finished as originally planned, you have some of the best sex you’ve had in MONTHS. Definitely a good time.

Axel

As soon as you mention edging, Axel is pretty eager. It’s not like he’s done this before, but he definitely has spent a lot of time looking up sex terms on urban dictionary. And totally not spending the rest of his nights thinking about the possibilities with his dick in his hands. Definitely not.

Anyway, when the night comes, Axel is still as revved as he was days prior. As soon as the doors close behind you, he is peppering kisses all along your lips, face and neck. As you make your way downtown, things start to get hot and heavy. You edge Axel from his orgasm the first time and honestly handles it pretty well. He lets out a small gasp as you pull away but after a moment of composure is ready to go again.

The second time, he is a little more reactive but all-in-all is pretty well off, though by this point, his face is flushed as red as a tomato and his breathing has become ragged. You look into his eyes you can see his pupils are blown wide in bliss and wanting. All he can do as you tease him for the third time is mutter your praises like a prayer on his lips. How beautiful you are, and how much he adores you. The words flow from his mouth like a river, like music.

You bring him close and stop for a third time, and Axel lets out a soft but wanton moan. His body twitches from your touch as you run a hand down his bare chest. You knew he couldn’t take much more of this but watching him in such a desperate state was simply addicting. You place a kiss on his lips, but you linger without pulling away.

Your breath mingles as you give him a kind smile and slowly trail your hand along his abdomen before wrapping your hand around his hardened cock. “Do you want to cum, Axel?” you coo, though you already know the answer.

Axel lets out a sigh and summons the energy to give you a cheeky grin. “Oh me? I thought you’d never ask” You use your energy to bring him to the brink for one final time and watch as the fiery redhead becomes completely undone, cumming all over himself and your hand.

You lean over and give him a soft peck on the lips and Axel gives you one of his signature smirks. “Wow that was… incredible..” He pants before placing another kiss of your lips. Axels redhead lops to side as he leans into his open palm.The wanton lust still lingers in his gaze along with a glint of mischief . “Now it’s your turn.”

Demyx

Yeah he has no idea what you just asked him to try doing, and of course in true Demyx style, he agrees without even a thought in his little head. He does, however, do an extensive google search as soon as he is alone. And he is a little intimidated at what he finds at first but he remembers that every time you introduced him to something new, he loved it, so by the end of the night he is looking forward to trying this out with you.

You first start to try and get Demyx into the mood, his excitement and nerves seem to get the better of him. Whenever your hands touch his skin, the boy keeps breaking out in fits of nervous giggles. He was always ticklish but never this much. Of course, this leads to you taking a much needed tickle break, and once Demyx has all of the laughter forced out of him, you take some more time to talk about what is making him so nervous and assure him.

You two take a little more time talking about boundaries and what the plans of the night would entail before asking one more time if he is okay with doing something like this. After relaxing and taking the time to talk, Demyx nods again and you get to it. The first time you work him up, Demyx reacts much like he normally would when you make love. He lets out little dreamy sighs and moans but as soon as you pull away, Demyx lets out a gasping moan that honestly sounds so foreign and funny, you snort a little in laughter.

Demyx looks at you with his little puppy dog eyes and asks what’s so funny. You tell him it’s nothing but you can't help but grin when he gives you that little pout of his. You edge him another time. And another. By the fourth time you are working him over, Demyx is so sensitive that he is letting out small whimpers and moans with every touch. From his lips, sweet words of praise escape, as he twitches and whines.

Each and every sound he makes is like a sweet song and you relish every second. You work him up one final time, before whispering for him to let himself cum, and with one final whining moan, Demyx can’t hold back anymore and lets himself go, cum spurting up and landing up along his stomach. He gasps out deep breaths, trying to compose himself, but you can see the stars as they whir and dance in his eyes.

This boy lets out a loopy little giggle as he reaches up and places kisses on your lips. “That was… awesome.. I’m really glad we did this..” Seeing him like this, so blissed out and relaxed, you can't help but smile.

Luxord

When you bring up edging to him, he doesn’t exactly know what he’s in for. Not because he hasn’t done it before, but because he didn’t realize there was a term for it. But once you explain it to him, Luxord is all in.

He gives you a wink and a low chuckle. “Well, I quite look forward to finding out what is up your sleeve.” When the night comes, Luxord just has the same cocky grin on his face that he always does as if he is going to devour you on the spot. He purrs and moans as you edge him close the first time and as soon as you stop, he lets out a groan and gives you a smirk. You edge him closer and stop again, his breathing is heavy. He sighs and moans out, but it’s apparent that he enjoys the attention you're giving him.

But as you lean in to touch him for the third time, Luxord stops you. He smiles and purrs into your ear. “Now my dear, you know we can do better than that. What do you say we up the ante?” You don’t know exactly what he was going to suggest, but if there was anything you know about the Gambler of Fate, it was that he knew how to have a good time. And that you trusted him. You match his gaze, nod, and with a grin, Luxord places his hands on your hips before guiding you to hover over his flushed cock. 

You ease down on top of him and you both let out gasps of pleasure as the pressure overtakes you. It’s blissful. “There.. That’s much more like it…” he purrs. With his hands on your hips, Luxord holds you up and down his dick, urging both of you to the edge before stopping his motions again. And this time, it was you who let out a moan of frustration. It’s then when you realized. He totally turned the tables on you.

Luxord made it so that you were craving more, while still edging himself as well. That cheeky fuck. But before you could tell him off, Luxord was at your hips again, moving you up and down. Holy shit it was maddening. Again and again, you move, getting closer and closer to release before stopping entirely. It started to become a game of who would beg first. 

Each round, you both grow more exasperated, and more desperate, but you don’t cave. And Neither does he. This game goes longer and longer, and it comes to a point where you both are gasping and moaning, and so sensitive that you're twitching from the slightest touch. You weren’t sure if you could take much more of this.

“Hey..”You look up into his steely blue eyes and you can see lust clouding his vision. He was close to giving in. You could feel it. “How about.. We propose a truce, love?” His breathing was heavy and you both were so close to your edge. You nod again before starting up and down on his cock one more time. It doesn’t take long as your muscles twitch and your entire body becomes alight with a fire running through your blood.

The feeling is so powerful as your orgasm ripples through you.And just as your body gives way, Luxord is just behind, letting out a large groan and cumming inside you as your insides overflow. You both pant heavily as you try to recompose yourselves for a moment before your heavy breathing turns to exhausted laughter. Your eyes meet and you can’t help but grin. It seemed that tonight you were both winners.

Marluxia

Surprisingly, he is the one that brought this topic up to you. He just says you point blank that he would like to try and introduce something new to the bedroom. Together, the two of you bounce ideas, and when you suggest edging, he just about purrs in agreement. It is definitely something he has done before, but this is the first time he is doing something like this with you.

So in an effort to make the night special, you make a point to decorate your bedroom with scented candles and flower petals. It’s all very much in the mood. When he comes into the room and sees all the effort, he gives you a knowing smile. You whisper affection into his ear as you work him as close to orgasm as you can before pulling your hand away. Originally you expected some sort of grunt or groan, some sort of sound in frustration, but Marluxia simply moans out as if he’s stretching a muscle he hadn’t used in some time.

He almost sounded, relieved. “Hmm That was nice.. You ready to go again, darling?” He purred. You probably looked a little shocked but you swiftly started again. A few rounds later, and Marluxia is still responding to your touch and moaning as if he were appreciating a cool breeze on a hot day. You started to wonder how long he could go. The answer ended up being a lot more than you thought. Honestly, over the course of the night you lost count of how many rounds you went with Marluxia, and it wasn’t just because you’re not so good with numbers.

Honestly, at one point, when your hand grew tired, Marluxia took a turn of edging himself as you rested your arm and watched as he wretchedly moaned under his own touches. Still pretty damn hot. As the night went on his noises did however become more depraved and wanting, and you decided you couldn’t watch anymore. So, instead of working your arm sore again, you decide to give Marluxia a lustful gaze as you slowly lean down and take his flushed cock into your mouth and all he can do is let out a low, and searing moan.

You knew that he was close, as cool as Marluxia tried to appear. So you pull your head back, just enough so that the head of his dick rested against your soft lips and as you look up at Marluxia.

A visible shiver runs up the back of his neck as your lips brush against him and you ask him if he wants to cum. “I wouldn’t want anything more my dear..” He purrs in a voice that tried so hard to sound steady, but as you take his cock back into your mouth, he can’t help but groan out. You bob your head as your tongue swirled around his shaft from inside your mouth.

The pink haired Adonis above you is moaning out things like how wonderful your mouth feels and how absolutely stunning you are before the hand that had worked its way into your hair starts to twitch and his voice starts to become less of words and more guttural moaning sounds. Not a moment later the chord snaps and he cums into your mouth.

The taste is salty but mildly sweet. You don’t mind it too much as the hand on your head starts to rub small circles of appreciation into your scalp. You swallow and pull your head back to see Marluxia, leaning his head back against your headboard and humming in pleasure with his eyes closed. You crawl up to the top of the bed and place a kiss on the assassin’s cheek before placing your head on his shoulder and the two of you start to doze.

Larxene

You bring up the possibility of edging and Larxene meets your request with a bolt of enthusiasm. She is so down and is even talking big game of how good the night is going to be. She shows up the night of wearing the most rocking crop top and shorts look she could muster, and she looks absolutely stunning. You almost wish you could just spend the evening gazing at her. But you had plans and there was no way you were going to back out now.

It takes a little time to get Larxene in the mood but after a good amount of time with foreplay and just playing around, you start to get her close to orgasm. You can tell by the way that her lips twitch under your touch. You get her closer and closer until you stop and pull your hand away and you are hit with the loudest groan of frustration. Oh she was steamed.

She looks up at you with eyes like daggers and you can't help but laugh. A little. Of course that doesn’t make her any less mad. So you lean over and place a kiss on her forehead and remind her how much better this was going to be if he was patient. She huffs and allows you to continue. 

You do it again, get her as close as you possibly can before pulling away and she whines out in her frustration. And again, this time her whine is a little more wanton, a little more desperate. That sharp gaze she gave you before is now clouded with lust and desire.

You honestly feel a little bad holding out on her like this. You kiss her on the lips and her kiss is absolutely enchanting. She pulls you in and your kisses start to become hot and heavy. Oh god you want her so badly but you know that this isn’t about you. You grind against her hips and she moans out again. Normally she isn’t so vocal but it’s clear how bad this edging has affected her.

“Do you want to cum?” You whisper in her ear and she nods her head as her eyes push closed. You then have a terrible idea. You lean over to the side of the bed and open the drawer to the nightstand before pulling out a small device no bigger than your finger. You whisper in her ear again to stay still and keep her eyes closed before turning the device on and pressing it gently against her slick cunt. The soft buzzing doesn’t seem like much but as soon as it is pressed against her, Larxene lets out the most wanton and desperate moan. The sensation is so much for her that her body twitches from the vibrations.

You ask her again “Do you want to cum, Larx?” She is so frustrated and blissed out on this new sensation she just moans out a desperate “Y-Yes!” You smile as she continues her hardest to hold on before telling her to let go. Within a moment she shrieks as her orgasm overtakes her, her body still twitching in her afterglow. Her eyes open again to look up at you with an exhausted smile. “Not so tough now huh?” You chuckle. 

“Sh.. Shut up.”

[overthefjords]

I Do (Finally)

The proposal I wrote out months ago and forgot to post here >:3c

June 2008.

Aleks had been watching the storting like a hawk for the past few months. A gender-neutral marriage bill was being passed around between the members, and they were considering having it put into effect in the new year should it pass. Sure, there were already protections in place in Norway for same-sex partnerships, but… Marriage was something different. Something Mathias and himself had been longing after for literal centuries.

It was one thing to say this is my partner, my significant other, my love. But it was something else to have the proof in the eyes of the law, in the world, that you were wed.

So, when Aleksander got the heads up that the storting had passed the bill and it would be announced later in the week, he started concocting a plan.

He was going to propose to Mathias as the news was breaking. He was going to get all of their loved ones and go out to dinner altogether. A quick call to the other Nordics, the Low Countries, and their other friends was the first order of business, and then going about the restaurant reservations. KöD Oslo, one of the favorite places that the pair usually reserved for special occasions like anniversaries and birthdays.

The ring was plain and nothing fancy, but the runes engraved on the inside spoke louder than the platinum band would suggest. They were tiny, wrapped around the entirety of the inside of the band itself.

From the dawn of the realms until the end of time, you are my one love, unrivaled. No mortal man nor beast could take you from me.

It would be a lie to say that Aleksander had not had this planned out decades in advance, that he did not set down a deposit on Mathias' engagement ring during the 1950s as the Dane was recovering from his brush with death. They both had been waiting for this for literal centuries, and Aleksander would be damned if he wasn’t almost entirely prepared for this.

The last call he needed to make was to the jeweler, putting down the rest of the money on Mathias’ wedding band, paying the extra charges for it to be started on immediately.

Now, all he had to do was wait, and not say a thing to Mathias.

Such a feat was easier said than done, especially because the both of them had been waiting for this for almost forever, the chance to be fully married in the eyes of everyone; the law, their nations, the world. It was lucky that he was able to control himself when he saw his boyfriend every day for the next week, lucky that he didn’t just drop to one knee as soon as the neurosurgeon had stepped out of his car that evening.

But wait he did, and it was luck that the Norwegian had an endless supply of patience. If he was going to do this, he wanted it to be perfect.

The day was perfect and warm, the arrival of summer in Norway called for extraordinarily long and comfortable days in Oslo. Mathias had the window rolled down, his hand extended out from the car and waving through the air currents as they drove from the house into the city, the both of them dressed up for the occasion. As far as Mathias knew, there was no special occasion, just a get together with friends and loved ones at their favorite place

The ring box was inside of the pocket of Aleks' dress pants, the same pocket where he stowed his keys and wallet so as to not arouse suspicion for him carrying something in his pockets.

"Who all is supposed to be here, Aleks?" Mathias asked, fingers sliding between his partner’s as Aleks’ hand was resting on the center console.

"Mm," Aleks tapped his thumb against the steering wheel for a moment. "Bastian and Christiane, Ludwig, Sigfrid, Sigurd, Mikael, Gunnar, Timo, Emma, Willem, Gemma, Toni, Naia, Arthur, Francis, and I invited Alfred and Matthieu but I’m not sure if they’ll be here.” He said it as if inviting their overseas friends was no big deal, as if collecting so many of their friends at all was nothing more than a casual summer dinner. He failed to mention the Aussie and New Zealander that he’d invited as well, Kyle and Cae. That, surely, would throw up more red flags than inviting the North Americans.

“Quite a gathering,” Mathias replied, “Are we getting an entire section to ourselves, then?”

“It’ll most likely end up that way if they all seat us in one section, anyway.” Aleks did in fact reserve the dining room off of the garden, but that was his little secret. He had requested at least half of them to get there ahead of time, that way the rest would trickle in at a somewhat normal pace once Mathias and himself had arrived.

Aleks pulled the car into a spot outside of the restaurant, leaning over to exchange a small, sweet kiss with his partner before brushing a stray ball of lint from his shirt. “I think my brothers are already here.”

“I have no doubt,” Mathias replied with a slight chuckle, brushing his nose against Aleks’ as he leaned over the center console. “They are nothing if not exceedingly early to everything.”

“You’re telling me,” Aleks says with a laugh, sliding out of the car and rounding to the passenger’s side. “Mikael likes to show up at my office an hour before our meeting and then pester me until I’m ready.” Once Mathias was standing on the curb next to him, Aleks went ahead and locked the car, resting a hand on the small of the Dane’s back and walking with him into the restaurant.

Already waiting for them were the Nordics, of course, taking up one of the central circle tables in the dining room, leaving two seats side-by-side for Aleks and Mathias.

From there, the dining room began to fill with their friends, usually arriving in pairs and with bright, cheery smiles. The room swelled with chatter, a small gathering of nations joined together for only one thing, kept hidden from one Danish doctor.

The chatter gave way to dinner, which did nothing to hush the rabble in the room. They were surrounded by so much happiness, so much joy, and Aleks could not be more grateful that so many of their friends were able to make it, and could pack the dining room for this.

The volume in the room only fell to a hush when Aleks stood up, resting a hand on Mathias’ shoulder.

“I wanted to thank all of you for coming on such short notice,” He started, giving a small smile to the tables surrounding the one the Nordics were all sitting at. “I know I only gave you a week to get here, but the fact that you’ve come means the world to me. To us.” Aleks catches Mathias’ slightly confused expression out of the corner of his eye.

Good.

“The storting has signed into legislation a marriage bill,” Aleks continued, his voice even and careful. “That, come the first of January, will change the definition of marriage in Norway.”

This was it.

“That being said, I have a very important question to ask.” Aleks turned to Mathias, who was staring at the Norwegian with those wide icy blue eyes of his. He took Mathias’ left hand in his, smoothly dropping to one knee before the Dane with a navy blue ring box in the palm of his hand.

“Mathias Nikolas Anker, you have been my steadfast companion for nine hundred and fifteen years. You are unendingly kind, intelligent and I have had the absolute privilege to be the man that is allowed to love you. You have shown me and taught me more than I could ever in my entire life begin to thank you for. You took a blood-soaked and scarred young man and loved him until his edges were not so sharp, and until he learned how to love you in every way you deserve to be loved. We have tested one another, and have been tested in countless ways. There is no one else on this planet that I would rather see every sunrise and sunset with until the end of our time here on Earth. Would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Nestled in the navy velvet of the box was a gorgeous platinum band, the center of the band bearing a brushed look while the edges were kept reflective. And of course, the inside had the raised runes that Aleks had meticulously chosen.

There were barely a handful of heartbeats between Aleks’ question and Mathias flinging himself into the Norwegian’s chest, Mathias’ arms thrown around his shoulders while he pressed his face into Aleks’ neck. The Dane was sobbing, fingers curling into the short hairs at the back of Aleks’ head and clinging to him as if his life depended on it.

There were a slew of garbled questions interspersed among those heart-wrenching sobs, mostly asking if he was dreaming or if this was really happening. Aleks did his best to answer the questions, resting his head against Mathias’ and rubbing at his back, the ring box still sitting open in his other hand.

Aleks didn’t really need that yes; he took the hysterics as one.

“You’re alright,” Aleks murmured against Mathias’ temple, slowly standing up and letting the ring box snap shut so he could stow it in his pocket once again. Even as they stood, Mathias’ arms remained around Aleks, the Dane standing up on his tippy toes. “C’mon, let’s go outside,” Aleks suggested softly, guiding the inconsolable Dane out of the dining room and onto the patio.

Aleks, with his arms wrapped around Mathias, walked the both of them over to the raised garden planter that took up the center of the patio. He slowly sat down on the edge of it, Mathias sitting in his lap automatically. He didn’t want to be apart from Aleks, even in the slightest at the moment.

With Mathias still roughly sobbing against the Norwegian’s neck, Aleks rubbed slow circles into the Dane’s back. “I found out about a week ago that they were passing it,” he said quietly, head resting atop Matti’s. “It’s been officially signed by Harald as of noon. The official announcement comes tonight. I wanted to ask you the afternoon I found out, but I needed time to get your ring finished and everyone here.”

“Aleksander,” Mathias cried, gripping the Norseman tighter and making Aleks laugh softly as he continued to rub at the Dane’s back. “We can get married…”

“Mathias,” Aleks echoed, rocking his sweetheart slowly and kissing the top of his head. “We can, but only if you say yes.”

Mathias sniffled, lifting his head to look at Aleks and butting their foreheads together. “I haven’t wanted anything more. For as long as I’ve loved you. So yes, of course, I’ll marry you.”

Aleks lifted his hands to Mathias’ face, wiping his tears away before kissing him for just a moment, a bright smile growing on his face. “We’re getting married.”

“Uh-huh,” Mathias mirrored that smile, thumbs rubbing against the side of Aleks’ face. “Can I see my ring?”

Aleks chuckled, stealing another little kiss before digging in his pocket and presenting the ring box once more. He popped the box open, pulling the ring from its confines and taking Mathias’ left hand in his own.

“No, let me look at it,” Mathias insisted softly, taking the gorgeous band from Aleks’ fingers, turning it over in his hands. It was beautiful, the afternoon summer sun catching the polished edges and diffusing from the brushed parts.

That is when the Dane caught sight of the raised runes on the inside, slowly rotating the ring as he read them. What was written there choked him up, looking up at his fiancé with a watery smile. He was getting all choked up again, letting Aleks slide the ring onto his finger before throwing his arms back around the Norwegian and tucking his damp, splotchy face against his neck once again. “I love it,” He warbled, hiccuping through another bout of sobs.”I love you…”

Aleks lost track of time from there, merely continuing to rock his sobbing husband-to-be, letting him cry against his shoulder and his neck. There was nowhere he’d rather be right now, even with a dining room full of their friends and family.

That early evening dinner service bled into warm twilight, and their friends and family slowly joined the pair in the garden, wine glasses and dessert plates in hand. Taking in the pair sitting together, all smiles and gentle affectionate touches, they all knew that of course Mathias had said yes.

“When’s the wedding?” Christiane asked with laughter, passing a glass of dark liquor to the Dane, who took it gratefully with his left hand, now bearing that lovely silvery band. The wedding would not be for a good while. They’d waited so long for this chance, the ceremony would be perfectly intimate, and the reception full to bursting with life. Just as Mathias would want it.

Seasons passed between that teary-eyed proposal and the warm spring day of their ceremony, the new greenery of the trees glistening with dew from the night before. They were witnessing two births on this day, one of the land in spring and one of two lives being officially joined as one after deserving of such a gift for so long.

Of course, things would go smoothly for all who witness it. The same could perhaps not be said for the grooms in question. Anxiety came easily to the Dane, who was pacing his hotel room with shaky hands and a pale face despite all of the efforts from his groomsmen to help him relax. He was naturally high-strung and high energy, and with nothing to focus on besides getting ready, his head was running away with itself.

That was what Aleksander was told when Bastian came to get him, the Norwegian busy fitting his cufflinks into his button-down.

“He won’t settle down.” The Belgian looked rightfully concerned, standing in the doorway, half-dressed with concern etched on his young features. “I’d say I’m surprised, but I’m not,” Aleks said with the barest of knowing smiles. His own groomsmen, his brothers, were all getting ready in their own rooms. There was no need for him to lord over them right now. He had a sinking feeling that he’d have bigger things to help with than fixing Mikael’s tie. “Send him over here, Bastian, if you would.”

With a sharp nod, the young man left the room, leaving Aleks alone with his dress uniform spread out on the end of the bed. He knew Mathias hated the bowties that came with the Naval outfits, but he had wanted them both dressed in them for the occasion. It’ll just give Aleks all the opportunities to fix them when they get crooked and steal little kisses in the process.

“It’s bad luck for you to see me before the wedding,” Came the quietest voice from the doorway a few minutes later, a familiar hand wrapped around the doorframe.

Aleks cast a soft glance in Mathias’ direction, moving to rest a hand over the Dane’s where it gripped the door. “My love, I don’t know if that applies here.” He says this tenderly, twisting his fingers through his husband-to-be’s and coaxing Mathias in from the hallway. “You’re not exactly a bride, and neither am I. That’s the entire point.”

Aleksander’s words make his partner laugh, though it's weak and uneasy as Mathias is brought into the room, the door shutting with a soft click behind him. There was nothing here that they had not seen before; dress uniforms were standard, and they’d seen each other in a plethora of other states than half-dressed. And yet, the anxiety did not listen to reason.

As soon as that door was closed, Mathias was in the Norseman’s arms, head tucked against his chest. This was his safe place, Aleks knew this, and the Norwegian wrapped his arms snugly around his love.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Matti?” Aleks murmured after a few minutes of silence, the quiet hum of a fan in the background the only noise besides their breathing.

“I’m scared.” It was a lot for Mathias to admit this, and Aleksander knew this. His love was the one to put on big, happy faces to cover up his concerns, to push it away to deal with later, so the plain admission spoke to the depth of his fears.

Though, Aleksander could not fathom why the Dane was so afraid. They’d already done all of the really hard things that couples do, and even more so because of who they are. The taller of the pair was going to ask why when Mathias just supplied the answer outright. “It’s…” He takes a shaky breath, turning to put his cheek against his love’s chest and lifting cerulean eyes to meet navy. “Scary to show just how deeply I love you. It's just been for us for so long. Showing how deep everything for us goes is terrifying.”

Aleks gets it, he does. They had to hide their love for literal ages. It makes sense to be apprehensive about putting all of that on display, though it's not ever been a secret. “Making it official is a lot.” An affirmative hum from the Dane was followed with a soft huff. “We should’ve eloped.”

“There’s still time. I can book us a flight to wherever.”

“No. I'm tired of hiding us. You know how I am.” Mathias finally leans back a bit from Aleksander’s embrace, chin tipped up to gaze up at the man he loved.

Making an affirmative noise in the back of his throat, Aleks just smiles at his beloved. His hands lift to cradle Mathias’ face, gently butting their foreheads together. “Just so you know, I have been proud to love you for every single moment of all nine hundred and sixteen years, and I am just as proud today as I was our very first night together.”

Aleks watched tears flood Mathias’ eyes, and brought his sweetheart into his arms once again, feeling the doctor’s fingers curl into the back of his shirt. “I know you’re very private about your feelings, but no one can take us from one another. Not anymore. Not ever again.”

Those sniffles devolved into little sobs, with Mathias’ arms slung around his partner’s neck in an attempt to get as close as humanly possible to Aleksander, who merely lifted Mathias off of his feet and held him in his arms.

Lucky for Mathias, Aleksander was always prepared. A quick wardrobe change later and the pair were just lounging on the bed, Mathias in one of the Norwegian’s sweaters and a pair of the Dane’s own joggers. They had hours until the ceremony, and Mathias was dozing off in Aleksander’s arms, far calmer than when he’d arrived.

“Wake me up a half-hour before?” He’d groggily murmured against Aleksander’s tear-stained shoulder. Thankfully, he’d also brought backup suits for the both of them. Aleks didn’t think their dress shirts would survive an impromptu nap. “I still need to look handsome for our ceremony.”

“Of course, kjærlighet.” Aleks would not argue that Mathias never looked anything less than, even when the Dane was exhausted out of his mind from work and wearing those awful green scrubs.

He’d loved Mathias in sickness, in health, in life, in death, through good times and bad, and all of what those standard vows would say. He’d love Mathias to the ends of their existences, from the dawn of time until the end of the world.

[magireco]

1, 2, 5, 6, 8, 9, 20, 21, 22, 23 ;3c i just realized how many i picked what the fuck

1. “if kyubey were to come to you and offer you a wish in exchange becoming a magical girl, would you accept?” - You know I would........ sometimes I like to think I have enough foresight not to do that but like. ive kind of been ready to risk my life for stuff for years so i might as well use that instinct for something useful even if it means getting my soul taken away 

2. “what would you wish for?” - ummmm....i think about that a lot. but ive never actually come to a conclusion ... i probably wouldnt actually use my wish ON someone else because i know i just... can’t read people’s minds and i don’t know what they ACTUALLY want i only know what i percieve that they want.... so instead i’d use it to have the ability to protect whoever it is rather than irreversably changing their life

5. “if you were in homura's situation would you do anything differently? if so what?” - OH GOD. WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME. Ummm... well. i wouldn’t close all my emotions away from them if i could help it. i know that displaying no visible emotion will make them trust me less and just think i’m planning something. i would still try to get my point across while like... proving my truth with facts and evidence, like transforming and showing them my shield and how it works, just explaining things as best as i can, especially to madoka, because at some point i think i’d come to realize madoka’s shock from knowing the truth of everything is a much better fate than indirect death by kyubey and death at the hands of walpurgisnacht. though of course to give homura the benefit of the doubt i’m a couple years older than her and 14 year old me would absolutely react the same in that circumstance... but i mean, overall, no matter what i tried, it’s likely that actual success would be really hard for me to achieve.. especially if i’m in her EXACT position. so, tl;dr, it’s complicated, but communication would be my top priority and something i should push myself not to give up on

6. “out of all the witches in madoka magica which ones you're favorite?” - HOMULILLY. but second on the list is you, oktavia<3 i could go on about homulilly but this post is ALREADY getting long and it didn’t ask me why so..

8. “what kind of witch do you think you'd be?” - The Witch of Heartache. am i ok? No

9. “if you died, would it because of turning into a witch or because of your soul gem breaking?” - THIS IS KIND OF A HARD QUESTION because i’m not physically agile At All so i feel like i might get my soul gem broke if i’m not careful enough but it also depends on the placement but... i mean... i feel like it’d be because i’d turn into a witch to be honest 

20. “what is your most fav moment in the pmmm franchise?” - oh my god SO many i just wrote out a bunch of stuff but it got so so long so i’ll pick ONE from the series and ONE from the movie. this is probably to be expected from me but my Favorite moment is just... that scene with homura and junko talking to eachother watching the sunset... it makes me cry every single time. it’s slow and gentle and gives even the viewer a moment to reflect... and for rebellion, AGH that’s so hard. so ahrd but my fav (becauase it makes me happy) is when all of them were fighting the nightmare together and my fav (because it makes me really emotional) is when homura was in the flower field and talking about her true feelings but having to lie about it and say it was just a terrible dream she had...... i could go on... i ahve so many favorite moments from the series AND from the anime but im trying to keep it fairly short so. yknow. 

21. “what is your least fav moment in the franchise?” - DEVIL HOMURA.

22. “what did you think of the rebellion movie?” - beautiful and uplifting and full of symbolism and imagery and gorgeous animation all up until the last 30 minutes, wherein it becomes the bane of my existence

23. “what do you think of nagisa momoe?” - BABY GIRL. BABY. i was at first kind of. confused on why they brought her in when i watched rebellion for the first time because i was like “who is this” and i just kind of like.. im upset that people took her appearing in the movie as the writers shoveling in a romantic interest for mami like NO. NAGISA IS LIKE 10. but like... nagisa as a character is so sweet and having her be a helper of the law of cycles alongside is a really fun concept i think. and her having a familial relationship with mami was sweet... i’m sure she wanted to make up for the pain she caused when she was a witch even though it wasn’t her fault ): and also her having the ability to freely manipulate her witch-self was SO good.

[isa-ghost]

*slams table* ego headcanons. i need them, homie. doesn't matter who, doesn't matter what. i need ideas!!! inspiration!!! a spark to ignite the flame!!!!

WADDUP ASH I GOTCHU FAM.

I’ll hook you up with some tags to browse on my blog AND fart out some new hcs JUST FOR YOU, BC I LOVE YOU, YOU FUNKY MUSER.

#headcanons & #headcanon *taking a look through these tags on my blog myself and its a little cluttered by other posts containing the word so I’m >:u but noob me was not very smart about personalizing tags so rip- I think I might reblog all the important ego things and make a new tag. It’ll be #Isa’s ego headcanons when I do it. And if you wanna yoink some inspo from my personal stuff- #Bunker 88720 (of course) #Isa’s Corruption AU #Isa Writes

From what I’ve seen on your blog you’ve been vibing aggressively with Jackie  lately so I’ll crank out some headcanons for him, both angst and fluff. :3c

If you want more for them or someone else, feel free to ask again. ;) I’m always ready to explode with ideas.

JACKIE-

*I’ve made so many for him that they might repeat stuff that I already have in my tags lmao

Does that thing where Big Person hugs you and swings your legs back and forth a little while youre concerned for the safety of your lungs.

Please play with that messy ass hair omg

Either borderline brothers with Marvin, or hate each others guts. Whichever dynamic you like more, I think both are fun.

Has blood stuck under his nails so often that he sometimes just doesn’t even bother to wash it out anymore.

Has lost his voice from screaming several times. From Pain or that Dumb Anime Battle Yelling is a mystery. Also that spicy trope where when he screams bc of cracking under pressure and his powers do a big burst that does a lot of damage

On rare occasions someone has had to pull him off of people (esp Anti) during fights bc he just gets totally taken over by his temper if the person is shitty enough. He heavily dislikes this about himself but its something he’s yet to get better at.

*slides you that Character Doesnt Have Full Control of Their Powers Trope. Slides you that Character Doesnt Know The Full Extent of Their Powers Trope with it.*

I was gonna add more but omg my brain is rebelling. Like I said demand more things from me any time you want fam

[freewheelshippin]

FIC: “What Do I Call You?”

There was something so honest about how she hyped the crowd, leaned so forward she seemed like she might leap into a crowdwalk, pointing at her ear until the whole crowd bellowed in their own guttoral harmony. And she smiled so much at her crewmates -- Ranmaru realized he was smiling, too, while she played guitar and accompanied the others’ solos, only breaking from her deep sway with the music to look at them with brightness and joy in her eyes. 

In those moments, Ranmaru understood something he hadn’t before, but it also made him realize that the hunger in him wasn’t being sated so much as it was deepening. 

So! I had some fun writing for the roleswap AU, where I’m the punk rock idol and Ranmaru’s the freelance artist getting some juice from all the love and music.

Not much by ways of content warnings -- lots of eating, a fair amount of alcohol, too, and you know, we utter the word ‘fuck’ a few times.  

Ranmaru swore as he dropped the case on his toe. He could tell immediately that this was one of those jammed toes that would hurt for days from the bruising, especially when he still had half of the city to cross before he could get back home. And what was home? His shithole apartment and limping around while he went on his rounds for the local cats? 

At least the train was empty enough he could sit alone, even comfortably with all his equipment. He was still cross that the live house didn’t have it themselves. Weren’t they professionals? Stupid. The show had sucked, too, with the band spending more time fucking around then putting on the damn show they were paid for, that their fans came out to see, that Ranmaru had put such care into getting the tech just right to enhance. And that one jackass trying to throw hands with anyone in the crowd. Nobody on staff did a fucking thing to kick him out until Ranmaru dragged him out himself, and now he had a black eye and the stink of shitty beer and stale cigarette smoke hanging on him to show for it.

Thirty minutes ‘til his stop. He could listen to some music to smooth over this shitty...everything. He slipped his headphones on, ready to mute the rest of the world and stop anyone from entering his. 

Reiji (12:42 AM) : Iiiiiiiiiit’s dropped!!!!!

What, your balls, Ranmaru thought ruefully to himself, unconsciously clicking his tongue in annoyance. He moved his finger to swipe and mute him for … a week, maybe, from how shitty he was feeling right now, but Reiji was too fast. The link appeared, and Ranmaru hit it, if only to have something concrete to be annoyed with him for. 

It was a preview for a new PV. That’s right. It was technically tomorrow already, the day this content was due, but this was still early. Reiji must have found a leak. Lucky he was such an otaku, Ranmaru never had to go hunting for sketchy files or talk with weirdos he knew he wouldn’t be able to level with outside of the crowd. There was a long windup before the music even started playing, the visuals building dramatic lighting and obscuring anything but their silhouettes, but there was the low fuzz of an amp before it all hit at once. 

Ranmaru didn’t want to admit that his eyes darted right to that flash of turquoise as the lights came up in the PV, because it would mean that he might’ve smiled at just the sight of her. No, it had to be the sound. That clean, driving guitar, that strong bass, it felt like Deep Purple and Iron Maiden, but pushed to be danceable and idol-friendly with synth and a digital drumkit beat Ranmaru could vaguely recognize parts of.  

His toe and face didn’t stop hurting and body didn’t stop aching, but he stopped feeling so mad about it for the minute he watched and listened. There was professional polish there he’d missed seeing at the shitshow that was tonight’s gig, but there was still that rawness there of a good, irreplaceable concert. Something less precise than other idol groups’ practiced, saccharine perfection, but Ranmaru found it more welcoming than any other group he’d seen or worked with. 

The camera cut to a focus shot. Her hair was as bright as ever, styled like she were one of those princely girls from anime, just somehow made real, and she turned to look right at him-- 

Reiji (12:44 AM) : Ranran~~ how are you liking your girlfriend in this one :3c 

Ranmaru actually growled a little. He only realized he had been smiling because of how intensely he frowned at that bastard, barging into his texts --  

Ranmaru (12:44 AM): shut the fuck up and let me watch it. don’t call her that   

Reiji (12:44 AM): Isn’t she doing all the things you like??? 

Reiji (12:45 AM): So handsome! So rock! So passionate!

Reiji (12:45 AM): Feels tailor made for you ;o 

Ranmaru (12:45 AM): I told you to shut the fuck up. go text natsuki if you have to annoy someone

Reiji (12:46 AM): Aww Ranran did the show go bad? :(

Reiji (12:46 AM): But I already did, you know! And I’ve already gotten twice as many sparkly sticker replies than texts you’ve sent me in the past week!!! 

(He had to admit he laughed a little at that. Reiji was probably getting another onslaught as he was typing, his own push notifications as clogged as he was making Ranmaru’s.) 

Ranmaru (12:47 AM): I’m muting notifs since you won’t learn how to fucking shut up 

Reiji (12:47 AM): ohhhh she’s getting ranran’s full attention~! You must really like this preview, huh? I guess it’s true love 

Ranmaru (12:48 AM): WILL YOU SHUT UP ALREADY   

Reiji (12:48 AM): You’re right, I should, I should be listening for wedding bells! 

Ranmaru (12:48 AM): go make out with your gacha girlfriend body pillow and leave me alone 

Ranmaru (12:49 AM): hypocrite 

He finally muted all his notifications. An hour should be enough to ride it out, he thought as he settled a little into the hard plastic of the seat, restarting the video. The anger from the past couple hours melted away as he watched, uninterrupted, and replayed it with eyes closed as the sound flowed in through his headphones and released the tension in his body bit by bit. 

--- 

The hour ran out when Ranmaru was squatting over an especially runty kitten, eating noisily while the others watched from a couple feet away. Why stray cats could understand him better than anyone else when he said to piss off, he’d never know. He swiped around to turn his notifications back off for the rest of the night before pocketing his phone again. 

“...Oi. Slow down.” He pulled the plate of food away from the kitten. It shook with hiccups as it watched carefully, almost fearfully, before it pounced back onto the food, gobbling it down like it was going to be its last meal. Ranmaru sighed but couldn’t blame the little thing. He dumped out the last of the food, gave the rest of the cats one last look as he stood up to walk away, and he heard the frenzied scratch of their claws against the pavement as they swarmed the plates of food. 

 Maybe it wasn’t so much they understood him as he understood them. To hunger like that, both literally and for something less physical but just as carnal.  

He plugged his headphones back in, listening to the leaked preview a few more times on his way back to the apartment. 

--

He liked this group to begin with mostly because of her. She dressed, talked, and acted more like someone from a band than an idol, and something about that felt weirdly familiar and good. The rest of the group were more unique than a lot of other idols -- you’d expect that from a unit made up of a pack of ragtag international recruits, sure, but it was refreshing how they’d made everything about their presence wholly their own. 

Hers just made the most sense to him. The brashness, the way she talked about music, the way she performed, it all felt like someone who was chasing and understood the same things he did. She even said her music was about giving people power in an interview Reiji’d dug up for him. 

“Beyond language, or the way words reach people,” she’d said in decent but definitely non-native Japanese; she’d grown up some in Okinawa while her family lived on the military base, but mostly shuttled between America and Bangkok before getting recruited by chance here. “I want to give everyone a home that makes them feel strong through my music.” 

He wondered, dimly, as he took a hot shower and stared down at his swollen red toe, if he felt drawn to the group because he wanted that for himself, or because it reminded him why he kept picking up jobs that made him as angry as tonight’s did. 

He went to bed that night with an ice pack balanced on his swollen eye, the frustration more or less passed as he listened to the classic bands that new song reminded him of. 

--- 

He woke up to his phone buzzing, the hold on push notifications finally expired, and he murmured in bewilderment at just how many there were. Not just from Reiji, but Natsuki, too. 

Rather than try and parse whatever the hell happened while he was asleep, Ranmaru just went into the group chat well after he’d gotten himself breakfast. 

Ranmaru (9:28 AM): what the hell happened last night that you had to blow up my phone 

Natsuki (9:30 AM): Maru-chan-senpai! Ah! You’re alive!!!! 

Ranmaru (9:31 AM): I just went to bed is all 

(“Why the hell are you calling me ‘senpai’?” Ranmaru had asked him, and Natsuki had looked at him with those big dopey eyes and earnestly said since he’d been a fan longer, he was naturally Natsuki’s senpai, and any protest Ranmaru made never stuck.) 

Reiji supplied a link without any fanfare, introduction, or goofy dramatics, which almost startled Ranmaru. 

Notice (posted by Ootori Eiichi x/xx/xx): 

We are currently seeking an emergency replacement sound/stage technician for performances at the following dates and locations. Inquire immediately. [PAID] 

Ranmaru stared at the listing, barely processing the lurch in his stomach that came from just reading it. It was for them. That act. The debut mini-tour for that new single. It’d take rearranging his sound editing queue and massaging some deadlines, but he could feasibly make all of those dates and times.

He thought for a moment of doing that sound check, and seeing for himself the electric energy of that live. Of working with that group whose respect for their audience he personally felt, of watching her prepare, having to talk directly to her as she tuned her guitar....

There was the very real possibility that it’d prove everything he believed about them - about her, really, that ethos he was drawn to - was just smoke and mirrors, too. 

Natsuki (9:35 AM): Can you do it, Maru-chan-senpai? 

Reiji (9:36 AM): Ranran, you have to do it. 

Ranmaru (9:36 AM): this is just a listing, just because I ask doesn’t mean it’ll go through 

There was a long pause, where everyone went on and off typing, never actually saying anything, and he frowned. 

Ranmaru (9:40 AM): can you all just fucking say what you’re thinking already 

Natsuki (9:42 AM): You really love their magic and energy, I just wanted to say I hope you do it and get it because your heart wants it! 

Reiji (9:45 AM): Yes, Nacchan, you said it! Ranran, I’ll give you all the free bento you need to keep your tummy full to go do this! 

Ranmaru (9:45 AM): don’t fucking do that, reiji, you’ll just piss of your sister. I’ll buy them myself

Ranmaru (9:45 AM): assuming I even do this 

Reiji (9:46 AM): I really think you should. 

Reiji (9:46 AM): Not because we want the insider scoop. But because when’s the last time you had fun at a live you worked? 

Ranmaru could curse Reiji where he stood. Whenever he stopped fucking around and got to his point, it was always a good one. 

---

He got the job, somehow, after a little emailing back-and-forth and negotiating the contract. Now he was on a train to Yokohama for the first gig, his case packed full, his backpack stuffed with supplies for a week. Comping travel, hotel, and meals was enough to take the job, even if it paid like ass, but it didn’t. The contract was actually pretty decent. They -- or, well, at least that Ootori guy -- were upfront that he’d be worked hard, the hours were going to be long, and there wasn’t going to be much room for rest or leisure. But the pay was good. Enough that if he had a dryspell of jobs afterwards, he’d be okay for longer than usual. 

It was worth it for other reasons, though, he thought to himself, stuffing spare merch he’d gotten in blindbags (and a couple other last-minute buys he didn’t tell the others about) into a bottom corner of his suitcase. None of it was of her, none of it for him. Something felt unprofessional spending this job acting like a fan, but at least there wasn’t any harm grabbing some signatures for friends who never made it to meet-and-greets. 

The single was out properly, now, and so was the PV. There was a section of it he especially liked and had gotten into the habit of watching on train rides, where she broke out of the dance routine to put her arms around her teammates, grin a dumb grin, and kick her legs high. It cut to a different shot of the group in different costumes but perfect sync, and when it cut back to that first shot, she stumbled and fell right on her ass, dragging the others down with her. Still grinning stupidly, and singing through it all. 

She didn’t take many vocal solos. She only had one line in this song to herself, and she was singing with the whole group for this shot. He read in an interview she wasn’t happy with the tone quality of her voice yet -- it needed to be richer, and she still needed plenty of training before it reached what her teammates and audience deserved. 

Ranmaru told himself, as the train was minutes away from the station, that this had to be the last time he watched this video and listened to the song like this. At least for the duration of this job. Every time he watched that shot, as she kept singing and the rest of the group tumbled down with her with the same dumb grin she wore, he knew in his gut the voice she sang in must’ve sounded like the soul of rock. Even if that gesture were directed and performed, there was still something genuine there that reminded him of those moments at concerts that convinced him to walk the path he did. 

Maybe he’d get to see it live. Maybe he wouldn’t. But he had to stop imagining it. She - this whole group, rather - was about to become real, and whether or not everything he imagined would turn out to just be something he made up to deal with his shit, he had a job to do. 

------------------------------------

He had a chance to leave his clothes and belongings in the hotel before heading to the live house. Ranmaru was unsure why this Ootori guy had picked him. He didn’t have an exactly long resume with idol shows, but then again, this was a group that debuted without any typical idol sound. There wasn’t any gimmick to them (Ranmaru wouldn’t call being made up of foreigners much of a gimmick when it came to the music), and they weren’t afraid of reaching into all sorts of genres he more typically worked with. 

Right as he got to the live house, his phone rumbled with back-to-back notifications. 

Reiji (5:48 PM): Ranran~!!! Ganbarimachochho from us! 

Ranmaru wouldn’t deign the attached selfie with a response right now (he was about to work, after all), but he felt himself suppressing a smile. Reiji was sticking his tongue out and making a victory sign, Natsuki further in the background, half-buried in stuffed animals and doing the same. They were going to be streaming the event for special-tier fanclub members like REIJI, which Ranmaru had always harangued him for. If he was a fan, wasn’t it enough to just cheer their hearts out live, enjoy their music, buy a CD and shirt, and feel the energy they had to give that way? 

(He still pored over the behind-the-scenes and advance material Reiji forwarded to him and Natsuki regardless. Sometimes he translated the English from their social media accounts, even. It was satisfying, as stupid as it felt sometimes, to do those little things in between the real shows.) 

He’d never been to the live house before, but it had the same vibes as so many others he’d been to. He found the back entrance effortlessly, where a man with glasses almost took him by surprise. 

“Kurosaki?” he asked. His gaze felt just as intense as all the other communication they’d had over e-mail. 

“Ootori,” he grunted back. 

“You’re early,” Eiichi replied, grinning at Ranmaru. Not that it surprised him in the slightest, but it made him look less approachable and instead even more intense. “Good. I like that in a recruit.” 

Ranmaru gritted his teeth quietly. This guy was going to be an absolute bastard, he could feel it, but at least he seemed like he knew how to run a show. “Don’t say that like I joined your agency. Tell me where the group’s at with setup, and I’ll get started.” 

 Eiichi’s eyes glinted from behind his glasses. He looked too satisfied with himself for Ranmaru’s taste. “I liked how you didn’t beat around the bush when you reached out for the job, and it’s good to see you hold to it. They’re rehearsing in the space, but we still have equipment to unload and cues to sync. You read the notes I sent you, I trust.” 

“All forty fuckin’ pages of it.” Ranmaru left out that he’d actually found it pretty impressive, appreciating the thoroughness and ambition of the show for a smaller group and venue. “Are we going to stand around shooting the shit or are we going to get started working on them?” 

Eiichi laughed at that. Ranmaru wasn’t sure if it pissed him off or made him feel eager to get to work. 

“This way,” he said, showing him to a van stuffed full of equipment. 

------ 

Ranmaru went straight to the live house staff to start doing his work. The master controls were kept in a little room that overlooked the stage. His gut flipped when he first saw them all, rehearsing some specific-looking choreography that needed to adjust to a new stage.  He wasn’t about to let that interrupt work. This was just like any other job, except he liked the performers a whole lot more, and things progressed like any other job. Until she looked dead at him from the stage, calling out. 

“Heeeeey,” she said. “Scuse me, are you the new tech guy?” 

“Yeah.” Ranmaru forced the feeling rising in his throat back down (as much as he could with sheer willpower, anyway). “Whaddya want?” 

“I just wanted to ask your name! We gotta call you something!” 

“Ranmaru,” he answered, hoping dearly that whatever he felt burning on his face was hidden by the dim lighting. 

“Cool, OK. Ranmaru-san,” she continued cheerfully. Ranmaru felt his chest tighten as he heard his name on her lips. “Are we queued up enough that we can do this number with music?” 

“This is the one for the new single, right,” he called back. He took a look at the levels, gain, and so forth as they were and instinctively nudged the knobs where the countless plays of that new song told him to. He’d imagined the vision of its stage presence for weeks. “I’m gonna test out some different settings for the levels ‘n stuff while you do that.” 

She made an expression of surprise as it came on. Delight, even, as she rode out into the following beats. Ranmaru couldn’t help crooking into his own smile, satisfied his know-how just helped that vision become a little bit brighter. She flashed him a thumbs up, then a gesture to pause, still grinning. 

“Can we take it from the top? Five, six, seven, eight---” 

-------- 

Ranmaru had never felt this sort of contradiction. She was restringing her acoustic guitar, from steel to nylon strings, as she hummed and practiced segments of songs, and Ranmaru was adjusting amplifiers and other equipment on the stage nearby. His head swam with the thought and excitement they were sharing the same stage, even just as a tech and pre-show performer, but approaching her felt like being both sides of a magnet at once. 

But that push and pull gave way, eventually, as the guitar finished being re-strung and tuned, and the humming turned into full-on singing. Ranmaru fought desperately to make sure he wasn’t just confirming what he’d already imagined, to just appreciate her live voice on its own merits and flaws. But he could feel in his chest that that character, that quality he’d responded so much to was there, that even with some lacking technical skill, there was still a rich tone color you could only get with passion and the spirit for rock. 

“You doing any solos tonight?” he asked in English. 

“Hm?” She looked caught by surprise. 

Ranmaru answered, already anticipating the question. “I’m half-American. I speak it fluently enough.” 

“Well, shit,” she said with a grin. “That’s convenient for us. I mean, I don’t mind Japanese if it’s easier…” 

“‘Sfine. Do what you want. I won’t complain about the practice, though.” 

She chuckled. “Man, maybe losing our usual guy from the agency was a stroke of good luck.” 

Ranmaru laughed challengingly. “Say that after the show goes well. And you still haven’t answered my question.” 

“Oh, uh. Right. Not really? Why do you ask?” 

“Why not?” 

She took a moment and laughed brightly in reply. Ranmaru could practically hear the insecurity she was covering up. 

“‘Cuz we’re an idol group.” 

Ranmaru gestured and murmured in vague acknowledgement. “You still have less solo lines than everyone else.” 

“Oh, do I,” she replied flatly, going back to her guitar, trimming overhanging strings. “I guess you would know, now that you’ve gotta manage all our sound.” 

“I just think it’s stupid you’ve clearly got your own voice but can’t think of sharing it without hiding behind everyone else’s.” 

She looked up at him incredulously. “Ranmaru-san, right?” 

“...Just call me Ranmaru.” 

“Alright, Ranmaru.” She looked at him again. Somehow when she looked at him dead-on this time, nothing went to mush inside of him. “Don’t fucking talk to me like our group voice isn’t the backbone of everything we’re trying to do.” 

“Nothing’s wrong with your group voice,” he shot back, getting heated. “It’s good. I can feel the soul behind it all, even when you’re rehearsing.” 

“So why are you fucking complaining?” She was still smiling, laying cheer and energy over her growing frustration. “Is there something you wanna say to me about my crew’s voices?” 

“They’re fine!” he barked back, frustrated she wasn’t getting his point. “This isn’t about them! You have something your audience is gonna be lit on fire hearing more of, that’s all!”  

Some eyes were starting to fall on them, but Ranmaru could barely notice them over the way her chest rose sharply and her expression became inscrutible. 

“...how about,” she said, speaking slowly as she deliberately, diplomatically pulled out her words, switching back to Japanese. “You save any notes you have for after the show.” 

“......Sure.” His stomach flipped again, more intensely and more painfully than the last few times. He went back to fussing with the amp, and she laid the pliers she’d trimmed her strings with on it before heading backstage until the show started. 

--- 

The show was electric. Ranmaru couldn’t say he was the right audience for most idol groups -- not so much out of distaste as much as incompatibility, he guessed. The way Reiji and Natsuki would lose their minds over their favorites’ cheerful cuteness or the kindness in their voices, Ranmaru wouldn’t. The fanatical, cult-of-personality devotion some other idols could curate with otaku-types, he didn’t connect with, either. What spoke to him was passion, backed by steely sounds and the sweat behind them; the excitement and fervor of rock and a crowd stinking of sweat; how well you could make someone scream themselves hoarse for that one, shining moment without any care for how sore they’d feel the next morning. 

Maybe it was the adrenaline from earlier, but when he could look away from the tech, he felt that here, too. There was no drum or bass player onstage, but he could still feel the beat thrum through his chest and rumble through his bones until his breath quickened, like he were jumping and dancing with the crowd. There was joy in their teamwork. In how they shaped their bodies together in song and in voice, and pushing and pulling the spotlight until it was something brighter, something shared and tangible between them and the audience.

His eyes fell on her. What should he call her? She had a stage name in Thai, but she was open that wasn’t her given name or anything friends and family called her. “Aroon” was just something she picked so she could wear her heritage proudly. It meant ‘dawn,’ it sounded cooler, more idol-ish than her Western name, which wasn’t a secret, by any means, but he heard her called by so many versions of it, none felt real. 

It only felt so weird because seeing her onstage, he felt far beyond any confirmation bias he could’ve had that the person he’d seen in the PV’s was every bit as real as he’d hoped. He saw someone who didn’t just fit on stage, but relished and grew like a plant in the hot lights burning down on them. There was something so honest about how she hyped the crowd, leaned so forward she seemed like she might leap into a crowdwalk, pointing at her ear until the whole crowd bellowed in their own guttoral harmony. And she smiled so much at her crewmates -- Ranmaru realized he was smiling, too, while she played guitar and accompanied the others’ solos, only breaking from her deep sway with the music to look at them with brightness and joy in her eyes. 

In those moments, Ranmaru understood something he hadn’t before, but it also made him realize that the hunger in him wasn’t being sated so much as it was deepening. 

They got cheered back on for an encore. And towards the end of that last song, Ranmaru watched as she broke choreography to literally lift the one Natsuki was convinced was a fairy, spinning them around as the practiced moves dissolved into joyful chaos. The whole group ended the song arm in arm, sloppily holding mics for each other as they alternately laughed, belted, fumbled, and shouted thank-yous into the audience.

Ranmaru still felt something tug at him as the mic got held in front of her, she grabbed it, and handed it to someone else. Just sing, damn it, he thought to himself. It didn’t matter if it was perfect, it just mattered that it was hers. 

Didn’t she realize she deserved to be adored the same way she wanted the rest of her group to be? 

Ranmaru cut everything as they filtered offstage, staggering and softening the mics as they put them back and let them go. He took a deep, sighing breath in and out, almost like he’d been holding it for the entire concert, as his stomach growled. 

Maybe he should’ve taken some more of Reiji’s bento, after all, and give Natsuki’s cookies another try.  

-------- 

They closed up quickly. With the group no longer bound by rehearsal, takedown went faster than ever, and there wasn’t any meet-and-greet at today’s venue. Ranmaru dimly considered looking at the merch table, but he had a week to do that and had other things to finish with today’s closeup, anyway. 

He could hear the group discussing amongst themselves in English about where to go for a late dinner celebrating a good show.

“I want chicken,” she pleaded. “Is there one of those Taiwanese shops where you can get boba and chicken around here? You know, the kind that comes in a little bag and a toothpick?” 

Eiichi approached them, and she started to repeat herself in Japanese before he asked to interrupt her. 

“We’re all headed to the izakaya two blocks from here,” he announced to everyone. “I’ve already called ahead to reserve the space. Consider it a reward for a triumph of the first show on tour.” 

“But is there chicken,” she repeated in Japanese in mock desperation as she mussed her own hair, fussing it out of the careful styling she’d had it in for hours. 

Ranmaru’s phone buzzed from the notifications he missed, shutting them off for the duration of the show. Mostly from Natsuki and Reiji. He scrolled through the groupchat as they reacted live to the stream and tried to compliment Ranmaru on managing sound so well, though he was sure it couldn’t have possibly made much of a difference for the stream. 

Ranmaru (11:37 PM): it was a killer show, wasn’t it 

Ranmaru (11:37 PM): they’re talking about craving chicken right now. Guess it’s too bad we don’t have a kotobuki bento branch around here. 

Ranmaru (11:38 PM): i could go for a kara-age bento 

Reiji (11:38 PM): Ranran….! 

Natsuki (11:39 PM): Waaaah~! I hope you find some kara-age soon and share it with your shining star! 

Ranmaru immediately locked the phone after that. His stomach somersaulted once more time. He stood by what he said to her earlier, but he couldn’t imagine she’d want to talk after the way things had gone. Better to leave the group to that postshow glow, feed himself, and head back to the hotel. 

--------- 

The room was swimming just a little. Ranmaru blearly looked at his phone, trying to ignore the fact that he’d drank beyond his limit like an idiot. He knew he was like this, so why did he keep downing beer after beer? He’d gotten too used to needing as much as he could stomach to tolerate Reiji’s antics (and, he knew dimly, he was just too used to being able to rely on him once he’d hit his limit). 

She was seated right across from him, because of course she was, but they didn’t exchange any words or even eye contact. She was entirely focused on the rest of the group and the meal itself, laughing loudly between boisterous stories and jokes and devouring whatever snacks she ordered. 

Ranmaru got up. He could make it back to the hotel by himself, probably. Nobody asked as he left, which was how he’d preferred things, right? 

If there was such thing as taking a desolate wizz, maybe this is what it felt like, he thought to himself as he dried his hands on his shirt and left the restroom to step outside. Just for a moment. Just to get some air. 

Eiichi followed him out. 

“Can I help you,” Ranmaru said roughly after Eiichi caught the door behind him. 

“Hardly.” He had the same look in his eye as before. “I thought I’d take the opportunity to say well done.” 

Ranmaru grunted. “You still have six more shows with me. Compliment me when I’ve nailed all of them.” 

“Hm. I’d certainly expect no less. But,” he continued, that grin going places Ranmaru especially didn’t like. “I can’t say that was what I was referring to.” 

Ranmaru looked at him suspiciously. 

“She’s been a tough nut to crack,” he continued. “I’m glad my instincts were right, Ranmaru Kurosaki, your brusqueness and deep experience with music laid her heart bare enough she recognized some changes she needed to make.” 

He didn’t think, and only saw red -- he couldn’t blame the alcohol entirely, but the haziness was enough that his brain needed a moment to catch up to his gut reaction. 

Eiichi laughed, unfazed by Ranmaru’s hands on his collar or snarling expression. 

“Bastard!” he barked. Eiichi’s eyes glinted behind his glasses. 

“I heard your little conversation. Do you not stand by those words?” 

“Of course I do,” Ranmaru snapped. 

“They reached her,” Eiichi cut in before Ranmaru could think of what to say next. “She’s already asking me about extra vocal training before the next recording sessions.” 

“She doesn’t need more training!” He threw Eiichi back, finally letting go. He barely needed any effort to recover, and Ranmaru just glared at him as he kept raising his voice. “And I’m not your for-hire music coach! Is this how you treat all your contractors, you rat bastard of a producer?!” 

He just laughed that laugh of his, making Ranmaru even angrier. “Your passion for music and straightforwardness was evident, even in your initial inquiry. It was just excellent luck your technical skills were just as useful for sending this idol group hurtling towards their fullest potential.” 

“If you want her to reach it, you’d tell her she doesn’t need any extra lessons. You’d just tell her she’s a great goddamn idol the way she is right now,” Ranmaru spat. “Trusting her voice is just what’ll make her into a better one.” 

“I hear some selfish intent in that, Kurosaki.” Eiichi looked like he was burning with excitement. “But that just means I can trust your intentions more than anyone. You speak as someone whose heart’s already been moved. A fan...a loyal follower who desires their success. Perhaps even more than she does.” 

“I’m going back to the hotel.” Ranmaru strode past him, feeling himself burn from top to bottom. He gave Eiichi one last look in the eye. “If you need me before the show tomorrow, find someone else.”  

------- 

The next day and next show went uneventfully. Now that he’d met the group at Yokohama, he was travelling with them in the cars and equipment vans, and he made a point of finding a back seat nobody wanted to share, stretching out, and napping the whole ride. The setup at the next live house was a pain in the ass with their unusual devices and systems, but Ranmaru was quietly grateful to have his hands full. He liked having a good reason for not wanting to talk to (scold) anyone but the live house staff itself. Being irritated they went for weird, cheap models with lower quality helped him double down on the attention needed to make the group shine. They collectively got ramen afterwards. The only words he exchanged all meal were with the one Reiji liked so much, ferrying his ramen order for him when he got frustrated with the shop crowd and left to go wait outside. 

(He’d have to find a way to talk with her later about Reiji. Not just for the autograph -- he opened up his phone, ignoring any notifications that weren’t his work email, and messaged him. 

Ranmaru (9:42 PM): send me a pic of your Mae shrine 

Reiji (9:45 PM): ehh? Ranran, what for? 

Ranmaru (9:50 PM): just send it 

Dutifully, Reiji did. Ranmaru couldn’t have imagined he really had no idea what he planned to do with it, but if he wasn’t just playing dumb, at least he’d be getting one hell of a surprise.) 

It was during the third show that things started to happen a way he could scarcely believe. The show went pretty normally, except for one point where she stumbled badly enough during a complex turn she completely ate shit. But she played it off into something hammy and funny, rolling out of the way of the others, lying like she were posing in a cheesy beefcake calendar while she found the beat again to sing. 

Ranmaru still thought she needed to own up to her lack of courage and just sing more, but putting it like she was a coward was a mistake. He thought dimly to what Reiji had said that had convinced him -- “when was the last time you had fun working a stage like this?” And he wondered if he’d ever had fun onstage like he saw. He might’ve tasted the glory and passion of the stage, the delicious energy of the audience, and the power of rock -- he knew he did, he’d looked an easier, blander life in the eye and felt too desolate to walk that path, even with his inescapable debt. 

But it could be more fun. That audience could feel more, even more connected, that he could smile through mistakes when the performance came from camaraderie as much as passion and soul. Things could be better when they were shared beyond just the respect of an audience and a performer.

He didn’t realize he was smiling as much as he was until his cheeks were hurting, but that was also because he felt hungrier than he’d ever been.  

----

He couldn’t help calculating how many meals he’d be cutting into as the convenience store clerk rang up everything, even though he’d already gotten Eiichi to confirm he was going to expense him the bill and get refunded every cent. 

The show closed late. They had a special meet-and-greet he didn’t need to be around to handle, but none of them had had the chance to eat much outside of some spare snacks. He figured something fast and easy before they could collapse in the hotel would fit the bill. 

She wasn’t there when he went around knocking on the hotel room doors and delivering the goods. Gone out to relax on the roof, they said, and when they offered to hold her food, he said no, he’d take it right to her. 

The sound of the roof door opening looked like it startled her, and he didn’t know what else to do but hold up the bag full of food like a peace offering. 

“Eat something,” he said in English, tossing her a banana from the bag. She caught it before eyeing him up and down, then settled back to the outdoor lounge chair she’d been resting on. Ranmaru took a seat in the one across for her, setting the bag on the ground as he pulled the rest of the food out. She looked hesitant, only speaking until he’d laid everything out, even the drinks.

“...That smells good,” she said in Japanese. “What’s that, kara-age?” 

“I heard you guys were craving chicken.” 

 “I mean, I sure was. Thanks.”

“I told you English was fine,” he said, back to Japanese. 

“My Japanese is fine,” she said, tearing into the banana first. 

“Yeah, but if you’re tired of speaking outside of your native tongue,” Ranmaru started, already feeling himself get heated. “Why wouldn’t you take the chance to just rest?” 

She finished her bite of banana before giving him a look. “...If you insist.” 

They just sat in silence as she ate for a bit. 

“Is there something else you want from me?” she asked. She left half the kara-age and bottled tea.

“...No, not really. I wanted to say sorry for the other day, though.” 

“Ah.” She smiled knowingly, though she didn’t look happy about it. “Don’t worry about it. It sure isn’t the first or last time I’m gonna be criticized in this industry. I can handle it.” 

Ranmaru murmured in acknowledgement, not sure to what end making himself clear to would earn, but he had to, anyways. He stared down the half-full kara-age container. 

“...This is your goddamn food, you know.” He pushed it closer to her. “Eat it.” 

“Oh, you’re sure?” 

“I didn’t have a meet-and-greet that made me miss dinner. Do you really wanna work a tour on an empty stomach?” 

She scooped it up with a knowing ‘hmm’ and a half-smile. After polishing it off, she let out a heavy sigh. 

“You are right, though. I’m being a coward, not singing more.” 

“You’re not,” Ranmaru grumbled. 

“Sure,” she said dismissively. “But I guess I should apologize for getting so defensive. I thought you were just another macho shithead trying to talk the piss out of our group and the voice we have.” 

“That’s nothing to apologize for,” Ranmaru said resolutely. “....when I was in a band, I wish I’d had bandmates who’d do that kinda shit for me.” 

“Oh, shit, what’d you play?” 

“Vocals. Bass. Rock.” 

“Aw, c’mon, get more specific than that. Surf rock? Indie boy shoegaze? Folk punk with a little dash of polka?” 

Ranmaru gave her an incredulous look. “...Oi. Do I look like a polka guy?” 

She grinned widely, looking very satisfied with herself. “I dunno, you never know who’s got a secret accordion! I could see you, maybe you painted half of it, like, red to match that edgelord RPG hero heterochromia thing you got going.” 

Ranmaru grumbled, looking away. She laughed. “....I just like rock. If you had to pull my leg I guess I’d tell you hard rock. Maybe a little alt and prog.” 

“Ooh!” She exclaimed, barely letting the sip of tea get down her throat. “That’s the good shit! Did you ever record anything?”

Ranmaru hesitated. “...Yeah, but nothing that anyone can listen to anymore.” 

She seemed to understand without much more explanation. “...Well. You’re fucking good at the sound engineering side of things. Don’t tell management this -- or well, just don’t quote me on this --  but I like you a hell of a lot more than the guy we were supposed to have from the agency. He doesn’t know shit about how to make music that’s about soul and hype. It’s like, all one level the whole time, you know? Like it’s just sitting at an 8 the whole time, we don’t really get to do stuff like crescendos. Or like, punch someone in the dick by taking it from a three and shoot it to an eleven, you know?” 

“Yeah,” Ranmaru said, throwing a hand up. “What’s with that shit? There’s a bunch of stupid clients I had who were like that. Just one kind of loud, the whole album or concert through. What’s the fucking point if you aren’t gonna make people hear something other than just fuckin’ loud?” 

“Yeah! You get it!” she whooped, before she held her hand out for a fistbump. 

It surprised Ranmaru enough that it took a moment to register. But he smiled a little and pounded it. 

------

“Man-eating momma, steam-driven hammer

Sorts the men out from the boys--” 

She slid her arm around his waist, and he nearly choked on his beer. 

They were at Korean barbecue tonight, their own private room. The last meal, after the last concert, after the last meet-and-greet, after the last frantic merch sales. Ranmaru tried to buy himself a shirt, but instead was presented with a staff hoodie for the tour and a “one of everything” comp for the rest of the merch. They were now safely tucked with other goods he’d gotten signed for Reiji and Natsuki last night while everyone hung out in their big hotel suite. Hotel management made a mistake and upgraded the whole crew to their biggest room with extra cots to fit them all, and they spent the entire post show in a dizzying, joyful, communal haze. Ranmaru even told stories of the embarrassing depths of his groupchat’s devotion to the group and each of their favorites, and everyone took turns recording chaotic, personalized videos for Ranmaru to share later. They fell asleep at a truly stupid hour, and Ranmaru wondered if this is what having sleepovers as a kid felt like. 

“Takes no messing, all-in wrestling

Is one of her pride and joys” 

Ranmaru recognized the words as she pulled him closer, swaying after slamming her beer to the table. Maybe less the tune, since that was being yelled more than sung. 

“She's a classy, flashy lassy

Imitation sapphire shine-- c’mon, dude, you know!” She looked at him expectantly. She was very, very flushed, and at this point, he had to be, too. 

“We’re not at a karaoke bar!” he barked. 

“Where’s all that ‘you gotta sing more, fuckass’ energy now, huh,” she said, lowering her voice so much to mimic that Ranmaru briefly questioned if this is what he sounded like to her. 

“....Fine! If you’re gonna sing it, actually fuckin’ sing it, don’t just yell!” 

“Oh yeah,” she said with what passed for a shit-eating grin with her. “Then show me, partyboy. Hey, everyone, meet my new vocal coach! Hold onto your dick, folks, he better fuckin floor you with all the shit he’s been talking --”  

Ranmaru looked at her a moment as she kept ranting, first with incredulity, then with a weird surreal awe. What the hell was happening?  

Why the hell should he bother questioning it? 

“-- Two-faced liar, full of fire

But I know the flame is mine!” He cut off her rant, singing as much as he could like this were a stage. 

She -- and a bunch of other staff at the table -- whooped and cheered and laughed, but she and only she joined in with him without a care in the world. “Rocka Rolla woman for a Rocka Rolla man

You can take her if you want her

If you think you can--” 

He let the arm that’d been just awkwardly dangling behind her wrap around her shoulder. He felt warmer than he’d ever had, burning all the way to the tips of his ears. 

“Rocka Rolla woman for a Rocka Rolla man

You can take her if you want her you can!” 

They hung on the last note of the chorus -- she hung on comedically long before dragging them both up to bow while everyone else clapped, laughed, cheered. A server came, yelling that they had an order of grilled beef up. Eiichi, from the other end of the table, gestured that he’d ordered it, but passed it down until it sat in front of Ranmaru. 

-------- 

They had an overnight bus trip to get back home -- or close enough to home, anyways, Ranmaru still had another long train ride waiting afterwards, so he’d planned to sleep the whole bus ride. 

But she wound up sitting next to him, and even if he could pretend like that didn’t make his heart thump now by itself, she was chatty. 

He didn’t mind the conversation, though. They mostly talked about music, sharing concert stories and albums. He even talked a little about what he wanted to do now in between all the freelance work, and when she wished him luck and couldn’t wait to hear it, he didn’t feel like she was just blowing smoke. 

There came a pause while she downed a bottle of tea. 

“...I meant it when I said there’s something in your voice the audience oughta hear,” he said, looking at her intently. 

She laughed uncomfortably after she swallowed. “Thank you. I’ll…..I guess I just have to go for it, huh.” 

“What’s stopping you?” 

“I...hm….” She paused in intent thought for a while. “Well, for one, the technical control isn’t there.” 

“Yeah, but you’ll improve that by doing it.” 

“Yeah, yeah. But there’s more than just that, I guess.” 

“Like what.” 

“...Well, you know how this industry is. It’s…hard. Finding the balance of what you’re good at, what people want, and what the higher-ups think they want. I don’t think I’m anywhere near figuring that balance out...”

“Forget all that.” Ranmaru looked at her very seriously, shifting in place so he could look her in the eye a little better. “Don’t worry about any of those things.” 

She laughed disbelievingly. “Okay, sure, lemme just. Throw out my job description while I’m at it. Dude, the whole point of this job and this work is to make other people happy.” 

“I was happy hearing your voice just as it was that first day. You just. Sang the way you wanted to. I liked that. It felt good. Genuine.” He took a moment to recall the words he found at the beginning of the tour. “...You like it when people connect with your group’s voice ‘n adore your groupmates. So let ‘em adore you some.” 

“Oh, cuz I’m so adowable,” she joked, laughing as Ranmaru scowled. 

“I mean it. I….” he started. “...The audience is going to be better for hearing more of you. Whatever that means.” 

She thought about that for a moment. “...I...you know. I don’t think I’ve ever asked myself what that looks like. Or let myself realize it, anyway.”

“You can handle the criticism if it comes. If that’s something you’re scared of.” 

“...Maybe it is. Thank you, Ranmaru, I’m going to think about that and kick everybody’s teeth in the next time we record.  

“‘Snothing,” he murmured, but he felt like his heart was going to soar out of his chest, and later, as they both nodded off and slumped over each other as the road stretched on, he realized he felt sated in a way he couldn’t remember being. A weird sort, that took away the pang of hunger, but made him feel it more deeply through his whole being. 

---- 

When he arrived ‘home,’ it was lunchtime, and he was too dazed, hungry, and tired to weather one last long walk home without some food in his stomach. It was on the way-- he may as well go to Kotobuki Bento and make Reiji make good on the free bento offer. 

(His sister rang him up, and Ranmaru paid up.) 

Reiji found him after the meal, and he wound up heading to Reiji’s room. To give him the merch, theoretically, but after Reiji earned enough grouchy monosyllabic replies, he brought something that sounded like an actual question. 

“...So, Ranran, while you were away…” 

“Just say it,” Ranmaru muttered, eyes too tired to focus. “I’m too fucking tired for you to take the long away around.” 

“Nattsun’s friend wants to join our little fanclub!”

“....And.” 

Reiji shrank a little, speaking more sheepishly. “The thing is...we mentioned you and....he’s pretty sure you two already know each other and you’d want nothing to do with him.” 

Ranmaru hazily tried to recall who that could be. There were too many people whose guts he hated for him to figure it out by himself. 

“Who is it,” Ranmaru growled tiredly. “Just fucking say it.” 

“Does...Hijirikawa ring a bell?” 

It did. Ranmaru fumed in silence for a moment, thinking about the whirlwind of disaster that name was attached to, but also the vague memories of that quiet, serious boy in traditional dress who fretted after him when they were too small to know of things like debts and bankruptcy...

“...Whatever,” Ranmaru muttered. He looked at Reiji’s bed and decided he wasn’t going to tolerate any more of this exhaustion -- he had a reliable neighbor to leave food out for the cats, anyway, what was a couple more hours? “It’s not really much of a fanclub if it’s just the three of us. He can join if he wants. It’ll give you ‘n Natsuki someone who’s better at responding to your crazy nightlong gushing than me.” He tossed the dakimakura on Reiji’s bed, dented in the middle from so much hugging, to him, before he shrugged closer into his staff tour hoodie and slumped into Reiji’s bed. 

He could practically see Reiji stammering, even as he turned away and settled into the comfort of eyes closed and a real bed. Clearly, that wasn’t the answer he was expecting, and it wasn’t the one Ranmaru was expecting to give, either. 

“-- R...Ranran, you really--” 

“Yes! What the fuck wasn’t clear about what I said! Masato can join! Go add him already! Just let me sleep, you noisy bastard!” Ranmaru barked one last time at Reiji. 

Ranmaru ignored whatever last jabbering Reiji had for him, already carried off to proper sleep. He wondered what he could possibly dream about that would rival the past week and this satisfying feeling, cradled in his new hoodie.  

(I perform semi-professionally -- not as an idol, mind, but I’m still getting up on a stage/camera to entertain people on the reg -- and it was so weird but also really......doki-inspiring, let’s say, to imagine Ranmaru being a fan of my stage bravado :’’’’’D To be honest I’ve been feeling a little discouraged and burnt out by it lately but this really refilled my tanks!!!) 

[badstoriesaboutgoodpeople]

Life is a Series of Choices- Chapter One

PLEASE READ: Hey guys! I just wanna write a quick little disclaimer before you guys read this. You may have seen me mention an exciting project on this blog before, and here it is. Disclaimer: THIS CHAPTER IS NOT MY ORIGINAL WORK. A few weeks ago the lovely user @s-m-22 submitted this to me. They gave me their idea for the plot, and what they had written so far, with the intention of me editing what they’d completed and finishing the story. This first chapter is an edited version of what they submitted to me, so I will restate that I am not trying to claim this as my own. The next few chapters, however, will be my own writing. I really love the plot they gave me and am thrilled to have the opportunity to bring it to life! I hope you all enjoy this, and stay tuned for more to come! 

Word Count: 1,602

Warnings: none that I can think of, please comment if you find anything

Monday started for Melissa like every other day did. She got ready for work, put on her favourite scrubs, some light makeup, and packed her lunch. However, today wouldn’t be a normal day at work. She worked at the Children’s Medical Centre in Dallas; she loved her job, despite the crazy hours and unpredictable nature. Dallas was a far cry from her home in rural Ontario, and took plenty of time to get used to. Between the sweltering heat, the accents, and the sheer size of the city, it was a lot to take in, but she’d grown to love it.That day, some players from the Dallas Stars were coming to the hospital to spend time with some of the patients and their families. It had been all anybody could talk about for the past few weeks, so the halls were bound to be buzzing with excitement. Her best friend Skylar has nearly fainted when she heard the announcement, and went as far as to trade shifts to make sure she’d be working that day. She grew up surrounded by hockey, having multiple friends who played hockey their whole lives. Skylar, like the rest of Dallas, was madly in love with Tyler Seguin. Melissa on the other hand had no particular favourites, but enjoyed watching Benn, Bishop, and Radulov, among others.        

Melissa drove to work, and as she entered the lobby she immediately noticed all of the Dallas Stars signs, along with the victory green and silver balloons scattered around. She made it to floor 3C and made her way over to the nursing station where the rest  of her coworkers were awaiting shift report. Skylar sat next to her, practically bouncing out of her chair with excitement.

“Ok guys,” said her supervisor, interrupting the chatter amongst everyone. “As you all know today is the day the Stars will be visiting. They will be arriving in about two hours so please make sure that after you take care of your patients you help finish setting up the playroom and any other tasks that need to be done. There will be an abundance of media around today, so please ensure that you present yourselves and the hospital in a professional manner. I don’t anticipate this being a problem, but better safe than sorry. If the players need anything please make sure you help them if you’re able to. Alright, I think that’s all, have a good shift everyone!” She stayed behind as everyone else dispersed to tend to patients. Melissa and Skylar walked off towards the playroom, as they wouldn’t be caring for patients until the night shift.

“Oh, I’ll make sure I help Tyler alright. I’ll help him out of his clothes,” whispered Skylar, eliciting an eye roll from Melissa. That didn’t deserve a proper response.

“Remember you have to be professional Skylar. No sneaking off to supply closets, even if it is with Tyler Seguin,” offered Melissa after a moment, a smirk on her face.

“I’ll be the epitome of professionalism, until I get him in my bed. Or I’m in his, makes no difference to me.” Melissa busied herself with helping wherever she was needed, not realizing the players had arrived until she heard a noise behind her, turned, and was suddenly face to face with Jamie Benn himself.

“Uh, hi. Sorry if I scared you. I’m Jamie,” he said as he extended a large hand towards Melissa.

“Hi Jamie, I’m Melissa. Is there anything I can help you with?” she asked as she took his hand and shook it firmly.

“Oh, right! I was just looking for an extra chair.”

“Of course, here you go,” she said as she handed him one of the spare folding chairs lying around.

“Thank you so much. I should, uh, get back to the team. It was nice to meet you Melissa,” said Jamie.

“Yeah, same to you,” said Melissa with a soft wave, and she watched Jamie wander off to locate the rest of the team with a small smile on her lips.

The day flew by as the players spent time with patients and their families in the playroom, and visited the rooms of those who were too sick to be around the other kids. Both the players and staff had a great time, playing games in the playroom, taking photos of the kids with the players (Skylar definitely ended up with at least one selfie with Tyler by the time all was said and done). Melissa had noticed Jamie glancing her way a few times, but was too busy to dwell on it. When their visit was coming to a close, Melissa was at the nursing station discussing something with one of her colleagues, when she saw Jamie walk by. He paused when he saw her and waved. She told her coworker she’d be right back, and walked to the desk to see what he needed.

“Uh, I was actually wondering if you’d be interested in getting coffee with me sometime,” he asked, hand placed sheepishly on the back of his neck. Melissa blushed and agreed, scribbling her phone number down on a post it note before handing it to Jamie with a smile.

“Bye Jamie, I hope you enjoyed your visit.” “I did, but this just made it even better,” he said with a small smile as Tyler rounded the corner, complaining about how he was taking too long. When he noticed the two of you were talking he gave you a small smile, before explaining that they had to leave, before dragging Jamie off. Melissa turned around and rolled her eyes upon seeing the looks she was  getting from the other nurses around her, a small smirk on her face. The rest of her shift Melissa felt like she was floating, Jamie Benn of all people wanted to hang out with her. Skylar nearly screeched when she told her, before realizing it would likely be an opportunity for her to get close to Tyler. She was obsessed, but who isn’t obsessed with Tyler Seguin?

Melissa got home from her shift at about 11 PM, and was greeted by a message from Jamie

J: Hey, it’s Jamie. Hope it’s not too late to message you. Just wanted to see if you were free for coffee tomorrow?

J: I just want to make sure I’m not giving you the wrong impression here, because as much as I would love if this was going to be a date I just got out of a serious relationship and I don’t want to rush into anything. If that’s not what you want I won’t be offended, I promise.

M: Hi Jamie! Don’t worry about the time, I just got off work. I totally get where you’re coming from and I’m more than happy to be just friends if that’s what you want. I can do coffee tomorrow, but not until after my shift if that’s okay.

J: That’s fine, can you do 7 PM? We could meet at the little café a few blocks from the hospital M: Sounds good, see you then! :)

J: See you :)

Melissa went to bed with a smile on her face, feeling both excited and nervous. 6:00 the following evening Melissa was home from the hospital, getting ready. She’d showered, and decided on a simple outfit. Leggings, a grey tank top, cardigan, and ankle boots. Cute yet casual- after all, Jamie did just want to be friends. She arrived at the coffee shop a few minutes before 7:00, and sure enough Jamie was already inside. He was wearing a dark V neck tee that fit him snugly, and showed off his tattooed arms. His dark hair was slicked back and his long legs were folded under the table in dark shorts. He looked a little nervous, but once he noticed Melissa he gave her a large, bright smile and lifted his hand to wave gently. Melissa waved back and approached the table. Jamie stood to hug her, and Melissa finally realized how, well, big Jamie was. His body seemed to swallow her 5’6” frame, but she wasn’t complaining. He pulled away before pulling Melissa’s chair out for her.

“What do you want?” asked Jamie, gesturing to the menu hanging above the till.

“Oh I’ll go order in a few minutes, thank you though” replied Melissa, feeling guilty about letting Jamie pay.

“Nah, my treat,” he said with a small smile.

“Well if you insist, a medium iced vanilla latte please.” Jamie wandered off and returned a few minutes later with coffees in hand. The two of them sat and talked for what felt like minutes but was probably hours. Melissa uncovered the funny, chatty side of Jamie, the one he didn’t share with the media often. They bonded over both growing up in Canada, trading childhood stories of Melissa’s life in Ontario and Jamie’s in BC. They talked about friends, family, work, and interest. Before they knew it they were the last ones in the café, and it was beginning to close.

“Do you want a ride home?” offered Jamie, but Melissa shook her head, saying she’d parked a few blocks away. Jamie insisted that he walk her to her car, so the two of them wandered through the streets of Dallas, air still warm at 10 PM. They eventually made it to Meissa’s car and said goodbye with one last hug. Jamie turned to leave and Melissa watched him go, feeling guilt begin to bubble slowly in her stomach when she started to wish it had been a kiss goodbye rather than a hug.