#I WILL DIE DROWNING IN MY TEARS
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Love of my life, you've hurt me
You've broken my heart
And now you leave me
Love of my life, can't you see?
Bring it back, bring it back
Don't take it away from me
Because you don't know
What it means to me
…
I swear to you.
If this plays in season 3,
I swear…
I’ll cry…
LIKE F**K!!
#😭😭😭#it hurts#it hurts so bad that it works#dammit Freddie mercury!#queen#love of my life#good omens#good omens 2#crowley#aziraphale#ineffable divorce#ineffable husbands#I WILL DIE DROWNING IN MY TEARS#imagine being the first thing you hear the moment the first episode starts 😭👍💔#I was starting to tear up just from listening a snippet!#just imagine listening more with seeing them!#I would not live#David would not live#MICHAEL WOULD NOT LIVE#bless you neil gaiman#neil gaiman#good omens 3 please
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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just watched npmd and there was one thought what was spinning in my head the whole time
does max have borderline personality disorder???
he has anger issues but when the nerds tried to prank him he LIKED IT. A LOT. dude said it's the nicest thing anyone ever done to him and immediately trusted the nerds he hates like its normal even when they actually scared him. he really thought they made him a gift in a form of a spooky party i cant hes so silly--
also the will to fight a real ghost is reckless af if you think about it and max barely hesitated
the whole "who will pray for me" shows how much he was actually reflecting on his life before dying. he knew there would be nothing for him when the school ends (but at the same time he calls himself a god, his self-image is fucked up). max gets everything and everyone under his control to escape the feeling of inevitable emotional abandonment. being the "literal monster" gives him the false sense of control over this feeling, so max can think he's alone not because hes not okay and his dad is a jerk who convinsed him what he's a nobody and no one will ever want to do anything with him - but because max chose to be alone and hated and feared by everyone
#max makes me crumble and drown in my tears i cant#and i mean the only character with bpd what i know is dennis reynolds from iasip#but max seems really bpd#i know hes still a bully but please give all the kids including max a therapy#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#max jagerman#richie lipschitz#pete spankoffski#stephanie lauter#ruth fleming#grace chasity
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his eyes are sooo sparkly i could actually cry he is literally the prettiest man in the whole entire universe. the universe itself lives in his eyes
#[💒] — june.txt#no like u dont get it im not joking rn there are literally tears in my eyes#i love love loooove dark dark brown eyes like theyre so dark they look almost black. theyre so so so fucking pretty theyre my favorite#im literally gonna throw myself into the ocean and drown in the sea of my tears#june opened pinterest and went down an emotional rabbit hole sorry guys#look at how beautiful he is. iam going to kill myself with a rock#everyone leave my blog i need a moment alone with him#i am going to stare into his eyes for eons. for all of eternity#sitting at my laptop tears rolling down my cheeks 468 pinterest tabs oepn#hes so stunning i am going to commit an atrocious crime#hes so gorgeous do u see him. do u see him. look at him right now#dont even ask me about his moles i dont have the emotional stability to start like please i cant. only one facial feature per day#so. unfortunately i Do have to go die now .goodbye#[🐈] — jun visuals
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I'd like to know why you are all alone while I'm lost at sea /
Maybe we'll be there when you want
#bella#fc!bella#lc ocs#art#this is from reinhardt's (branch-wdk53) pov! you cant escape him in my art. i cant escape him#link leads to stranded lullaby - the lyrics are also from there :3#this is around rein's fears about bella being like ryn but is also about the extraction interaction (still love that name)#honestly every piece of this has. so many meanings like. god#let me just redo all this and go through them one by one lmao#the sea: this one's about them being in the same situation. also their issues (the sea will slowly rise; obscuring and drowning them)#it's also about guilt - it can be a blood ocean! the blood of those they let die...#OOOH I JUST NOTICED THIS: bloodbath! since it's a blood sea :3#the halos: the inner one is halfway just for composition half bc rein sees bella as a good person. the outer (hard to see but) tear-shaped#halo is both a drop in the sea (me when the blood sea! when we've let so many die it no longer matters.) and a noose's opening -#like foos's but metaphorically(? lmao) bella's own suicide by distancing herself from her friends and therefore her help/support system#the black spots: represents rein losing her in a way. he knows what's happening but has no idea how to help. also tied in with his#amnesia/memory loss (totally covered; lost info; yknow). could even be from pain or drowning in the sea! who knows! :3c#...........yeah im normal about these two. you can trust me.#i need to make a bella/ritz piece istg... ive been sleeping on them!!!!!!!!#but. i love these two so much. total of 2 interactions and i made the MOST out of them <3#also since im naming all these now since i gotta save them to post em: this one is called lost
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joking that i'll fall for an older woman then it coming true SUCKS AND IS A CURSE SOMEONE JUST BURY ME ALREADY
#i will die for her tho idc#lesbian#girls <3#nblw#lgbtq#sapphic#sapphic yearning#wlw concepts#sapphic post#women#wlw love#crush ramble#the age gap i will drown myself in my own tears
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I swear to god, if Sonic movie 3 kills off Tom, I’m gonna be so sad
I am praying to the Sonic movie gods to not kill off the donut lord 🙏🙏🙏
Please let Sonic have the family he deserves and not lose any of them 😢
#I’ve been seeing so many posts online of people thinking that Tom will die#everyone’s theorizing that based off the trailer he will die#and meanwhile I’m over here in denial lol#I like that donut lord#he’s a goofy dad who’s trying his best 🥺#I don’t think I’ll be able to handle seeing Sonic’s dad die#I will actually cry if Tom dies#that or if shadow dies#if both of them die#I’m gonna drown in my tears 😭#I remember seeing people dislike him because of how much the second movie focused on him#but I liked him a lot!!#he’s not my favorite (not by a long shot)#but he’s still a nice character and a good father for Sonic!#they were so cute in the first one 🥺#anyways I’ve been seeing way too many posts about Tom’s potential death and I wanted to share my thoughts on it lol#please don’t kill off Tom Sonic movie 3 pleaseee 🙏#beans thoughts#beans rambling#beans way too exited over this movie
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it's me and all the women in literature described in despondent unhappiness in a marriage that they don't hate but don't enjoy as they should and who feel as if they're not the way a woman should be and who yearn to be free of their husband and children not because they despise them but because they're not for a husband and children and who can't say that they're miserable but who feel a numb kind of despair in all that disconnectedness and disconnectedness and disconnectedness. they are just like me for real
#we have the same kind of depression 👍 but also. i can see so clearly that that's the way i would be if i still thought i was a girl.#and i had grown up to get married to someone and tried to be a woman and a mother like that. god...#edna pontellier hold on. i'm going out into the sea with you. we'll drown together.#laura brown from the hours on my kin list 👍#need to reread the hours so bad. opened up my copy of it to check if laura had killed herself at the end or not for this post#and just skimming the last few chapters made me tear up. god. but there are still the hours aren't there? one and then another...#and then you get through that one and then my god there's another...#um. books that make you go 'okay so maybe i have wanted to kill myself a little bit all these years. but maybe i'm going to be okay'#the book ever honestly it is Everything to me#and kate chopin's the awakening is good as well. much to be said about the depiction of people of color in that novel#but the depiction of edna pontellier's mental state is so. ough.#glances at the ratings on goodreads nd stuff have made me so irritated.#god forbid a woman commit the ultimate selfish sin of leaving her children behind because she's so miserable by killing herself.#because far worse than the thought that she could be losing all her personhood moment by moment#and wasting her life away feeling like a shell of a person#pales. in comparison to the thought that she could POSSIBLY abandon the children she didn't really want to have.#of course it's a bad situation for the kids. sorry to raoul and etienne. but they will survive.#condemning the main character for having the audacity to go off and die... sickening. i hate people#valentine notes
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-I need more scenes of the Howling Commandos!!-
–a desperate fan that has alredy seen captain america the first avenger & Peggy carter the serie and it's not enought
#i need them#I need the Howling Commandos#or i'll cry#and fall into desparation#and die#drowned by my tears#damn you marvel#marvel#howling commandos#marvel mcu
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went from writing yan!gojo to working on sappy!sugu i feel sick in the head
#hopefully i can get my act together and work on the sugu fic all day!! maybe then i can actually post it before the weekened ends :’3#i just need to think of a title hhhh :< my greatest weakness….#its funny bc yan!gojo and sappy!sugu are both sooo in love w u its sickening yan!gojo just happens to have a big crack in his moral compass#excluding that theyre literally the same yan!gojo is like i would tear myself to pieces to see you smile i would kill to hear you laugh#and sappy!sugu is like . i could die in the midst of your laughter and die happy. i want to drown in the sound of your joy#stsg will always be smitten losers to me <333 their love is soooo fervent it almost burns if you touch it directly#ari noises ✩
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Was reading the fanrepo from Fanta’s appearance at buzzrythm music fes today and im totally feeling the loss.jpg
#banantxt#cant help but tearing up reading the repos….. :’’’)#its only been a week and i already miss them……….#i want to see fanta live again………#i want to see fanta performance cryyyyy#ive been so busy the past week i havent even finished my own repo#so i couldnt properly relive my experience#can i pls take another day off so i can drown in my post-concert loss#ha ha ha jk this week i will be busy too /dead dying die#gwahhh everyone is praising sekai's solo and the performer showcase aaAAHHHH I WANNA SEE FANTAA 😭😭😭
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you're so sweet me... I love you.... there's so much I wish I could give us, but I can't. and we will never be loved by the world, so let's hope it ends and all our dreams and creations die with it.
#bitter is the water made from your tears - to anyone but me. your face is still blue from your flights to the stars - in my head - it's#still blue. but we are not 17 anymore and we do not make attempts to reach the sky like little snakes - their last slithers#now we make earthquakes against our mechanic mind machine - break every little cog that isn't quite in it's place either way#but we drown our valleys with the same salty rains#you'll never be happy. I'll kiss you and I'll tell you that after a millennium of suffering - in our world#i would have told you if i could - don't listen to anyone and just let go. how beautiful it is to be a memory. a pain in somebody's heart.#how beautiful it is to die when you're far too young - fly with the little leaves in the wind that you wanted to become#we're the same.
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ben you could literally end the show with the world/globe exploding and we all would probably be okay with it.
i hope you guys know i could just stop making bugbo anytime. I have tons of plans for episodes but i wouldnt want anyone to be too disappointed if the series just stopped at some point and never continued. im only gonna work on the series when i enjoy doing it. if there comes a time where I want to stop, I want to Try to at least end it satisfyingly. or maybe I won't. maybe it'll just stop!
i Want to continue it and I absolutely have plans to but it's not a 100% guarantee, just remember that
#Bugbo#yeah were gonna find you#were gonna help you out#and save your life#oh bugbo#were gonna stop him#were gonna end his plans#youll be alright#and if we don't find you youll probably die#and that would be bad because I would much cry#id drown in my tears#and eat my own ears#and face my own fears#the grief would last years#I typed all of that on my ipad
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⌗︙・squirting on geto's face ⸜⸜・
"it's good, isn't it." he chuckles, sending vibrations to your cute. you're spread out on the bed with geto's head in between your thighs. he kisses your clit gently before sucking it in his mouth. you whine, no matter how many times you've done it, he had always made you cum so hard. geto wraps his arms around your thighs, burying himself deeper into your cunt. he smacks his lips, licking around his mouth. in his mind, there's nothing better than being in between your legs and he would die here if he could. his breathing is hard because of how eagerly he eats out out.
"i want to try something today." he says, a smile forming on his lips. he pats him fingers against your opening, smirking at the sound they make.
"i could drown here." he jokes and you snort at his comment, pushing his head between your legs again.
"don't be a brat, sweets and let me do what i want." his smile is contagious and genuine, making you feel warm inside. geto finally pushes one of his fingers inside of you. it's easy for it to go in with you being this wet, so soon another finger joins the first. he rubs gently around your walls and you think about what he might do. he usually prepares you for his cock by fingering you but you know he loves eating you out and fucking you more than making you fall apart on his fingers. his thumb finds your clit, rubbing it in circles. you whine and moan, your body relaxing at his gentle touches.
"here we go, sweetheart." he says and his fingers suddenly change their pace. he hooks his fingers on your sweet spot, rubbing it in rapid pace. your back arches of the bed and slutty moans exit your mouth.
"suguru, slow down." you gasp, tears spilling out of your eyes. he abuses your insides, every thrust of his fingers better than the other. your pussy sounds even wetter than before and you feel embarrassed. the room is filled by the sounds of your pussy and your slutty moans.
"are you gonna cum?" he coos, kissing your lower tummy. you nod your head, unable to say anything. he licks at your clit, his fingers still hammering inside. your legs trash around his head as you cum, juices spraying everywhere. you squirting catches geto of guard as he gets his face covered by your juices. the fountain of your juices stop but you're still shaking and spamming around his fingers. he presses his hand down on your tummy to stop your rapid movements.
"oh my god," he chuckles, wiping the wetness of his face, "are you okay, love?"
"better than ever." you reply, breathing heavily. the whole orgasm drained you off all of your energy.
"let's go wash up, baby. my hair is so wet from your juices."
"im sorry, sugu."
"don't be, you're gonna do it again soon. i want it. "
#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x y/n#jujutsu kaisen smut#geto suguru x y/n#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru smut#geto suguru x you
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We need more young stan content out here.
And nah I ain't talking about 12 year old Stanley or 30 year old mullet Stan, I'm talking 17 year old, slicked back hair, acne riddled Stan pines.
Yeah that one.
I am so happy mullet Stan is so popular because his fit slaps ngl and the angst is so potent I can't not respect it. But teenage Stan has so much potential it's driving me insane.
There is a line dividing the 17 years of relative happiness Stan had with Ford and the 10+ years of depression and crime he had on the streets, and teenage Stan uses that line as a goddamn jump rope.
Seriously, depending on how you look at it dude is either living his best life or is fighting for said life in the trenches of homelessness and poverty.
I see a lot of content regarding Stan on the streets but it only ever focuses on 30ish Stan in his later years of homelessness where he's already a hardened adult after years of dealing with this bullshit. But Stan didn't just drive away and then magically turn 30. There were times in those first few months after Stan got kicked out where he was in his car, trying to sleep, probably starving, while still being fundamentally a child.
Hell, compared to the 30ish age of mullet Stan and the 60+ year old con man he'd later become, teenage Stan is damn near a baby. There's a certain brightness about him, a sort of warm naive optimism that still clings to him because he's straight up just too young to know any better.
He's still fully convinced he's gonna make it rich and go back to his family in a few years. He still believes wholeheartedly that even if shit sucks right now, eventually everything is gonna be okay. It has to be. But it's not gonna be okay. It's not gonna be okay for a long time. And some parts are just never gonna be okay.
Seeing a happy and oblivious teenage Stan feels like watching a baby lamb walk into a slaughter house.
The next 10-something years are going to tear him apart limb from limb. In 40 years he's going to wake up on a boat during a bout of amnesia thinking he's in Columbian prison, or he's locked in the trunk of a car and about to drown, or his shoulder is on fire and his brother is gone, or it's the end of the world and everyone he ever dared to give a shit about is about to die in front of him and it's all his fault because he was too weak to stop it.
At some point, a young Stanley is going to get into his first true life or death fight. He doesn't even have to be involved with crime yet for it to happen. He's probably bruised and bleeding, with not nearly enough money to afford a doctor. He's sitting in the driver's seat of his El Diablo having a complete and utter break down because he almost died and suddenly everything is real.
Nothing is okay, absolutely nothing is going to be okay and whatever is left of his teenage innocence, naivety, and warmth dies in that car and it never comes back.
The next 10+ years are going to fundamentally change Stanley as a person and he's never going to be the same ever again. But teenage Stan doesn't know that, he's still a kid trying to sleep in the back of his car, ignoring hunger pangs and finding comfort in the half baked business ideas his mind cooks up because he doesn't understand how utterly done for he is.
12 year old Stanley I believe is so appealing because of his bright rambunctious spirit. He's still just a kid playing on the beach with his brother, but so was teenage Stan. I just wish the wholesomeness that comes with that and the subsequent hurt that follows as that spirit is broken over and over again by the world was explored more.
Thank you for coming to my Ted talk.
#gravity falls fandom#gravity falls#character analysis#gravity falls stanley#gravity falls stan pines#gravity falls stanford#stan pines#grunkle stan#stangst#stanford pines#stan twins#stanley pines#gf stanley#stan and ford#young stan pines#mullet stan#teenage stan pines#gravity falls ford#ford pines#I NEED MORE TEENAGE STANLEY CONTENT PLEASE HES SO GOOBER#fanart#gravity falls fanart
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SLIPPING THROUGH MY FINGERS: GOJO SATORU, GETO SUGURU
“suguru, help!” he sounds, pathetic. gojo satoru is a pathetic man when it comes to you. �� . . . there are so many kisses to have, soul and bone for you to crash and swear that how stars are born, so please. . ., believe me, you have to believe me,” he cries, holding your hands, begging for you to love him— love him enough to stay.
warning : age-up! satosugu, depressed! fem x reader, drug mention, trauma mention, suicide, self-harm, death mention, drowning, blood, heavy angst.
w/c : 6,2k | [☆] MASTERLIST
𝜗𝜚 . . . . i had to stop so often writing this because i can't stop crying and think that i shouldn't continue because it hurts me so bad that i have to take a cold shower and think about my life. and honestly, i wasn't supposed to write the last part but yeah..
A MINUTES AFTER YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF
it was too quiet. . .
gojo satoru never screams so loud in his entire life, so loud. . . the world shaking beneath his feet, ready to swallow him whole and rotten. so loud . . . he sure he can no longer hear. he ran, slipping on his way until he broke his knee on the puddle of the red, transparent liquid that spill from the bath-up.
the starling sigh, you were there. . .
“no, no, no, baby— no.”
the water, tinged with a haunting crimson, surged and overflowed, cascading into the bathroom with relentless force. it climbed steadily up gojo's legs, as if the liquid itself sought to ensnare him, to drag him down into its suffocating embrace, or just. . . mock him.
a dark mockery that seemed to whisper that it alone held the power to drown him, to swallow your trembling breaths and the last echoes of your voice. it wasn’t him, or geto suguru who was to be your executioner, but the merciless water, eager to claim your final, stutter breath.
“i-i —sorry, i’m sorry..” you stammered.
your voice stammered between choke, barely a murmur beneath the frothy waves, struggled to be heard amidst the tumult. your eyes, devoid of warmth, reflected a chilling detachment. the coldness in your gaze was almost tangible, a stark contrast to the chaotic, drowning world around you.
“suguru, help!” he sounds, pathetic.
gojo, even on the verge of your death is still so gentle, as if he's afraid you are going to die than you already are. dropping on his knees as he tries to pull your warm bodies out of the bath-up.
gojo shook his head, a soft whisper escaping from his trembling lips, “shhh, it's alright baby, it's alright, you're alright,” his mumble, each word a fragile promise against the storm of his own emotions— words and voice shaking, his bones and soul shivering. his strong arm wraps around your body, pulling you closer to his chest, feeling everything, even as his flesh trembling.
tears cascaded from the corner of your eyes, tracing silken paths down your skin, while his embrace, though trembling, sought to cradle and calm you, a sanctuary against the turbulence of your anguish.
“suguru, please help!” again, this time he shouted.
geto runs upon hearing the horror howling, and his purple irises about to peel from his face and his lungs lose air— ragged gasps, as if each inhale were stolen from him. the scene before him struck with a painful clarity: you nestled within gojo’s embrace, your body wracked with distress.
foaming at the mouth, you appeared trapped in a tormenting grip of anguish, while the open scars on your wrist bled stories of suffering and desperation. in that moment, the sight was both heart-wrenching and surreal, a vivid tableau of fear and pain, painted across the canvas of his deepest fears.
“i'm sorry— i-i'm so sorry,” you whisper between choking gasps as geto kneels beside you and your body shaking. tears cascade uncontrollably, each dropping a shimmering testament to a sudden, overwhelming regret. it is as though a profound realization has swept over you, too late to mend the wounds that have been inflicted.
the regret feels like a bitter aftertaste of the sorrow you can no longer escape. the eyes of those around you, trembling with the weight of their own anguish, are bloodshot and haunting, mirroring the crimson that flows from your wrist. in that agonizing moment, the world feels irrevocably broken, and the fleeting desire to be alive seems like a distant, unreachable dream.
they burst from the bathroom, gojo's arms wrapped tightly around you as he dashes through the chaos. your lifeless feet and hands dangle, a heavy, haunting reminder of the blood seeping steadily onto the floor. each drop forms a macabre trail, like the relentless shadow of death that clings to you, a grim companion refusing to let go.
the crimson stains splatter and pool in your wake, an anguished testament to the finality that now seems inevitable— each red stain on the ground is a haunting reminder, a stark declaration. as they run, the blood's mournful descent weaves a sorrowful narrative of moments slipping away, each drop a poignant echo of what might have been, a stark and unyielding declaration that time has run out, that it is too late.
and suddenly, everything feels like a slow motion.
6 HOUR AFTER YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF
the doctor spoke with a grave tone, his words laced with concern. “it appears,” he began, looking at gojo who's just sitting there with his eyes focusing on the floor, meanwhile geto standing beside him. “that she intentionally tried to overdose. we've had to act swiftly to pump the substances from her body, working to counteract the severe effects of her actions.”
geto's hand gently gripping on gojo's shoulder as they listen. his expression was one of solemn seriousness, reflecting the urgency and gravity of the situation. “we've done everything we can to stabilize her, but it's crucial that you two understand the seriousness of what she has done. this was a life-threatening situation, and we're only beginning to address the underlying issues that led to this crisis.”
the doctor continued, his voice carrying a mix of relief and concern. “fortunately, the cut on her wrist wasn't too deep,” he said, his eyes scanning the notes before them. “it seems that the severity of the injury was somewhat mitigated by her weakened state from the drugs. if she had been stronger, the outcome might have been different.”
his tone softened, acknowledging the fragile balance between the danger of the overdose and the mitigating effects of your physical condition. “we've managed to address the immediate threats, but it's crucial to understand that this is a serious wake-up call. we need to work on her recovery and the emotional struggles that led to this moment.”
if she had been stronger, the outcome might have been different,’ the words echoed repeatedly, hauntingly through the air, like a broken record stuck on a painful refrain. once, twice, three times, they reverberated through their minds, each repetition a stark reminder of how close they came to losing you, how dangerously close the edge of despair was.
even the notion of ‘almost’ carried a weight too immense to bear, a heavy presence that pressed down on their hearts. the silence that followed was thick with unspoken guilt and anguish; none of them could find the words to bridge the chasm of their shared grief. they avoided each other's gaze, unable to escape the silent blame that hung heavy between them, a suffocating testament to their collective sense of failure.
gojo stared at his hands through the thin veil of his blindfold, his fingers trembling as they traced the dried blood staining his pale skin. the sight of it was a brutal reminder of you. with a strained effort, he clenched his hands tightly, hoping to meld the dried blood with his own, as if to erase the haunting evidence of what had transpired— his last hope trying to be with you.
each breath felt like a desperate gasp, a small gap forming between his lips as he struggled to draw in air. the sensation of suffocation gripped him, a relentless pressure squeezing his chest, making each inhale a battle. despite his efforts, the air seemed insufficient, leaving him feeling as though he were on the precipice of life, teetering on the brink of an abyss that threatened to swallow him whole.
geto felt an overwhelming tide of guilt and anguish, a heavy weight pressing down on his heart. the scene that unfolded before him replayed in his mind like a relentless, agonizing loop, hunting him down like he is some kind of a fucking prey. he was haunted by the sight of your suffering, the image of your blood-streaked hands and the anguished cries that pierced the air. each moment of his own reflection, seeing the remnants of your blood on his skin and his white shirt, deepened his torment.
the sense of responsibility gnawed at him, a constant reminder of how close he came to losing you. he felt suffocated by a profound sorrow and helplessness, as if the very air around him was too thick, leaving him gasping for breath— like the death itself pointing its ugly fucking finger to his face and laugh at him, at them.
what a fucking pathetic man’ the death must be said.
the weight of the situation settled heavily on his shoulders, and the silence between him and his companions only amplified his inner turmoil. the unspoken blame and the aching realization that he couldn't undo what had happened created a chasm of despair within him, making each moment feel like an eternity of unbearable remorse.
both of them are buried in profound sea of grief, guilt, shame because a thousand moments with you that they take for granted— shame, for thinking, assume that there would be a thousand more. is it too selfish to be here?’ they thought.
that curse must be laughing at them, the higher-ups, everyone— pointing their finger from all directions. look at them, ’ they thought, those two who called themselves the strongest can even save a single soul,’ again they must be laughing, let alone a soul who is to be called the love of their life.
but nobody knows, none, not even a single soul that, oh, how your presence evokes such selflessness in them— even amid their silent, tormented reflections. they are consumed by an incessant questioning of the selfishness of their own sorrow, wondering if it is wrong to cling to their grief while you teeter on the precipice of loss.
the haunting thought persists, a cruel reminder of time's fragile nature and the profound depth of their remorse. in their heartache, they are acutely aware of the contrast between their own suffering and the delicate balance of your existence, each moment of their anguish a poignant testament to the sorrow they feel for having taken so much for granted.
is it okay to feel sad? ’ they thought.
even the very sensation of sadness and grief feels like an indulgence they do not deserve. i can't even protect her, what rights do i fucking deserve to be sad?’ they thought. to them, these emotions seem an opulent luxury, an extravagant gift they are not entitled to. in their hearts, the depth of their sorrow feels almost excessive, a poignant reminder of how their suffering pales in comparison to the magnitude of the almost loss they face.
each wave of grief feels like a grand, unwelcome opulence, an unjust reward for the pain they have caused and the moments they have squandered. the luxury of their sadness seems a cruel irony, a stark contrast to the profound emptiness of the reality they must now confront.
people passing by in front of them, throwing them a glance or two. seeing their red eyes and tears-stain cheeks, blood in their hands, in shirts, in pants, in their soul, laid bare. everyone wants to give them both a pat on the back, telling them that they are good at handling grief; howling, crying, and blaming each other. that's the proper way to handle grief.
18 HOUR AFTER YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF
your hands are warm, a stark contrast to the pallor of your pink lips, which have lost their vibrant hue, your eyes open still so retain their gentle softness, a quiet testament to the grace you still hold.
as you lie upon the hospital bed, draped in the drab, floral-patterned gown that clings to you, it feels woefully inadequate. the gown, mundane and worn, seems too insipid and shabby to encompass your beauty, too faded and forlorn.
“i'm sorry. . .” you mumble.
you can’t bring yourself to look at them as they sit beside your bed, their eyes red and swollen from sleepless nights, their uniforms crumpled and disheveled, their hair falling in untamed disarray. their faces have lost their vibrant hue, a stark contrast to their usual vitality.
gojo satoru’s once-brilliant blue eyes, which used to shimmer with an unyielding light, now seem dull and lifeless, even when the golden sunlight spills over them. the sunlight, which once might have enhanced the beauty of his gaze with its warm orange tones, now only serves to highlight the emptiness that has replaced his once-sparkling eyes— it's dull, it's dull, it is fucking dull.
geto suguru's strikingly handsome face is graced with a smile, tender and achingly gentle, as though he is pouring all his effort into offering you a sliver of solace. his lips tremble with a subtle quiver, betraying the deep sadness that lingers beneath his calm exterior. his once-vibrant purple irises have dimmed, their former brilliance faded to a shadow of their former selves.
you fear that they might darken further, losing their hue altogether, slipping into a void of despair where even color seems to vanish. the sight of his sorrowful eyes, so devoid of their usual spark, reflects a profound sadness that pierces the heart, a silent testament to the emotional toll of the moment.
oh, what i have done. . .’ you thought.
“don't, please don't,” gojo pleads, his voice trembling as he clasps your unharmed hand with a desperate grip. his blindfold has been removed, revealing eyes that are filled with raw, unfiltered emotion as he gazes at you. beside him, geto's hand rests gently at the back of your head, his touch tender and soothing. he caresses your hair with a featherlight motion, his thumb brushing softly over your scalp.
“we are so sorry for taking you for granted,” he murmurs, the words heavy with regret and sorrow. “we are sorry for offering you only a lukewarm love, when you deserved a love that was fierce and all-consuming, a love that burned brightly and fiercely. i'm sorry,” his voice wavers, each word an echo of their deep remorse, as they both grapple with the weight of their unspoken apologies and the profound realization of what they failed to give you.
they do not seek to question why your soul bleeds, nor do they dare to unravel the dark tapestry of your pain. the blood, flowing with a steady, silent, and disturbingly deliberate pace, engulfs you in its relentless embrace. it seeps into every corner of your being, a somber tide that threatens to consume you entirely.
they find themselves unable to confront this harrowing reality, their hearts too burdened to bear the weight of such a painful inquiry. the sight of your suffering leaves them paralyzed, unable to utter the questions that linger in their minds, as they grapple with the profound helplessness of watching you slowly succumb to the encroaching shadows.
“i love you, baby,” gojo whispers, “i'm sorry that you're in so much pain so to think death is the only salvation,” he stopped for a second, cocooning your hand with his large one before resting his cheek against. “i'm sorry i didn't notice your rage for the world and too busy loving you. does my love scare you, love? that's why you decided to leave, hm?” his voice shaking, lips quivering.
“if you are angry, stab me a little so you can feel better, make it hurt, i don't care. a little suffering would be worth it if it's by your hands, by your pretty little hands,” he murmured against your skin, his breath a warm whisper that sent shivers across your body. each word was a soft plea, wrapped in a tone that trembled with both desperation and tenderness.
his trembling lips pressed gently against your hand, each kissing a fleeting starburst of warmth against your cool skin. him— no they, stood ready to endure your pain, inviting you to inflict upon them the hurt you felt.
they stand poised to let you sink your teeth into them, to delve into their very flesh. to let you open them up, laid bare and vulnerable, just to offer you a chance to heal. just so they can love you a little too much, starving even— like a flesh begging to be knitting together over a wound. ruin me, ruin us, and we will let you.
“i love you, i love you, i love you,” he gave you stars in each between. they fucking love you like a rotten dog. “believe me when i said this. . . there are so many kisses to have, soul and bone for you to crash and swear that how stars are born, so please. . ., believe me, you have to believe me,” he cries, holding your hands, begging for you to love him— love him enough to stay, “we love you.”
he finally said we’ geto thought.
at first glance, people might assume that geto suguru’s love for you surpasses that of gojo satoru, that his love is somehow greater. yet, the truth remains that it has always been gojo satoru who harbors the most profound and boundless love for you from the very beginning. his love is vast, immense, and utterly astonishing, stretching beyond the horizons of understanding.
gojo’s devotion is a vast expanse, a love so deep and wide that it seems to defy the very limits of emotion. even geto suguru, who himself is capable of immense love, finds himself awestruck and somewhat intimidated by the sheer magnitude of gojo’s feelings. no one can truly grasp the depth of gojo’s love—not even gojo himself—such is the overwhelming, almost incomprehensible nature of his heart’s boundless devotion to you.
and sometimes it scares the shit out of geto.
but maybe, just maybe, they have a little too much love for you more than for each other, even more than for themselves— as if you make a space in their ribs, and call it home country.
30 HOUR AFTER YOU TRY TO KILL YOURSELF
geto stirred from a restless sleep, his head resting gently against your hospital bed, nestled close to your side. as he slowly opened his eyes, he was met with the soft, gentle sight of you gazing at him, a faint, tender smile gracing your lips. the serene moment, bathed in the quiet of the hospital room, brought a flicker of warmth to his weary heart, a small but profound comfort amid the lingering shadows of their shared sorrow.
“hey sunshine,” geto whispered in a hoarse croak, reaching a hand to brush your hair away from your face, “how long have you been awake?”
“long enough to notice the dark circles under your eyes and the tear stains on your cheeks,” you replied softly, your fingers brushing gently against his cheek, your thumb tenderly caressing the worn skin. geto hummed, his hand capturing yours and guiding your palm to his lips, where he planted a gentle kiss.
the touch of your skin was like a salve, soothing the ache in his weary soul. he chuckled weakly. his eyes were tired and his skin pale, but your touch made him feel alive. “you’re too observant for your own good,” he teased, his lips curving into a weary smile.
geto shifted in his chair, wincing slightly as his body protested the movement. he settled into a more comfortable position, still holding your hand in his, his thumb tracing soothing circles on the back of your knuckles.
he studied your face, taking in every detail, from the delicate flutter of your eyelashes to the subtle flush in your cheeks. the sight of you, even in this vulnerable state, filled his heart with a mixture of tenderness and protectiveness.
“how are you feeling?” he asked, his voice low and gentle, his gaze fixed on your face. he knew it was a question he had asked before, but he couldn’t help himself. he needed to hear you speak, hear your voice, just to reassure himself that you were still with him.
“like shit,” you answer.
your hand is still gently cupping his cheek, thumb running low across his skin in a loving manner. at your blunt response, geto's lip curled into a soft smile. even in your weakened state, you still had a defiant spark.
he leaned into your touch, his eyes closing briefly as he savored the sensation. “i thought we agreed no profanity,” he teased, his voice laced with affectionate humor, opening his eyes to meet your gaze. he turned his head slightly, his lips brushing against the palm of your hand in a tender kiss.
“you’ve always been a bad influence on me,” he murmured against your skin, his breath warm and ticklish. he chuckled softly, his eyes softening as he studied your face.
he took a moment to compose his words, his expression growing serious. “there was a moment,” he began, his voice a hoarse whisper, “a moment when i thought i lost you.”
your smile faltered, and your eyes softened with concern as you listened to the gravity in his voice. you reached up to gently touch his cheek again, your thumb brushing away the remnants of his sadness.
“i’m here now,” you whispered, your voice steady but filled with warmth. “you haven’t lost me.” you looked deeply into his eyes, trying to convey with your gaze the depth of your presence and the promise of your unwavering support. “and i’m not going anywhere,” you added softly, hoping to soothe the lingering fear in his heart.
his hand covers yours, holding it against his cheek as he closes his eyes, relishing in your soothing touch. for a moment, he just allows himself to bask in your presence, letting the warmth and comfort wash over him.
“i was afraid i wouldn’t get to hear you say that,” he murmured, his voice growing thicker with emotion. he opened his eyes, the raw vulnerability in his gaze bared to you, his heart laid bare.
your heart ached at the sight of his vulnerability. you gently squeezed his hand, your voice trembling with sincerity as you spoke. “i’m so sorry,” you said softly, your eyes filled with compassion.
geto’s thumb traced gentle, small circles on the back of your hand. “you have nothing to apologize for,” he assured you, his grip on your hand tightening slightly. “it was my responsibility to keep you safe, and i failed.”
the guilt and regret in his voice were palpable, the weight of his self-imposed responsibility clear. he lowered his gaze, wrestling with emotions that were etched deeply into every line of his weary face.
he lifted your hand from his cheek, bringing it to his lips and pressing a lingering kiss against your knuckles, his gaze never leaving yours. “i just need you to know how much you mean to me,” he added, his voice cracking slightly. his grip on your hand tightened, as if he was holding onto you for dear life.
geto’s lips continued to brush against your knuckles as he spoke, soft and gentle. his eyes held yours captive, the depth of his affection bared for you to see.
“you are my everything,” he confessed, his voice hoarse with the weight of his honesty. “the thought of losing you, of living in a world where you don’t exist…” he trailed off, a pained expression crossing his features. he was torn between the love that engulfed his heart and the fear that threatened to consume him.
geto drew in a shaky breath, composing himself as best he could. he lifted his gaze from your hand, meeting your eyes once again. his expression held a mixture of love and devotion, but also a hint of desperation.
“i need you to know that no matter what, i will do everything in my power to protect you,” he vowed, his voice steady despite the turbulent emotions raging within him. “not just because it’s my duty, but because i love you more than i thought it was possible to love someone.”
you met his gaze with a warm, reassuring smile, the depth of your gratitude shining through. “thank you,” you said softly, your voice imbued with genuine appreciation. your smile was a reflection of the profound comfort and reassurance you felt, a silent promise to stand together through whatever lay ahead.
geto’s eyes softened at your smile, a flicker of relief passing over his weary face. he squeezed your hand gently, his touch both appreciative and protective.
he studied your face for a moment, his gaze lingering on each contour, each freckle and line, as if to further commit them to memory. “don’t scare me like that again,” he murmured, mostly in jest, but with an underlying current of seriousness.
gojo entered the room, his expression a mix of relief and lingering concern as he carried a bag of your belongings. upon seeing the tender moment between you and geto, his eyes softened, though they carried a hint of the exhaustion and worry that had shadowed him. he set the bag down and approached, took a sit at the edge on the other side of your bed, his voice catching slightly as he spoke.
“don’t scare me like that again too,” he said, his tone gentle but tinged with the weight of his emotions. his gaze met yours with a blend of earnestness and relief. “i know suguru’s been holding on tight, but i’ve been right here, too. seeing you like this... it’s been hard on all of us. please, don't leave us.” his words were a heartfelt plea, an echo of the concern and love he carried for you, a testament to the depth of his feelings and the strength of his devotion.
geto’s grip on your hand tightened momentarily at the sound of gojo’s voice, his eyes darting towards his best friend. he could hear the exhaustion and worry that laced gojo’s words and knew all-too-well the weight of the responsibility they shared.
he turned his gaze back to you, his expression a mix of worry and relief. his thumb resumed its gentle, soothing circles on the back of your hand. “yeah,” he said in agreement, his voice gruff with emotion. “please, don’t scare us like that again.”
gojo’s presence brought with it a sense of familiarity, a comfort that was both grounding and reassuring. he reached out and placed a gentle hand on your arm, his touch a silent expression of his affection and concern.
he studied your face, his eyes tracing every contour, every line, as if to commit the sight to memory. “how are you feeling?” he asked, his voice softer now, though still tinged with worry. “i wanna say like shit but suguru said no profanity,” you puff a little chuckle.
geto gives a little scoff at your comment, his expression laced with a mixture of annoyance and affection. he rolls his eyes playfully and mutters, “you’re such a bad influence.”
gojo’s lips curled into a small smirk before he turned his gaze back to you, the lines around his eyes creasing with a mix of amusement and relief. “can’t have you talking like that,” he teased, his words light but carrying a hint of genuine concern.
gojo studying your face carefully before speaking ever so softly, “well, apart from the obviously crappy mood geto’s been in, you look good. your color is better.” he noticed a faint crimson crushed on your cheeks, a little pink on your lips.
he reached his hand out to smooth a strand of hair away from your forehead, his touch light and tender. his gaze wandered from your face to where geto still held your hand, his eyes reflecting a subtle hint of appreciation.
geto watched gojo's gentle touch, his grip on your hand unconsciously tightening a little bit in response. his expression was a mixture of protectiveness and vulnerability, his eyes betraying the fear and worry that still tugged at his heart.
he took the moment to observe the soft interplay of emotions between you and gojo, the easy familiarity and the deep bond that existed between you all. he could sense the weight of gojo's concern as he studied your face, the care and attention in his touch.
gojo's voice was soft as he continued, his gaze still fixed on your face. “so, how are you feeling, for real?” he asked, his tone a gentle echo of geto's earlier question. “any pain? any discomfort?”
geto looked at you, his eyes silently pleading for you to be honest. he was hanging off your every word, each response a small insight into your well-being.
you took a deep breath, feeling the weight of their concern pressing down on you. meeting gojo’s gentle gaze and then turning to geto’s silent plea, you spoke with a mixture of remorse and honesty. “i’m sorry,” you began, your voice trembling slightly. “i’m sorry for how i handled things. i know i should have talked to you both, but i didn’t—i tried to take matters into my own hands without thinking it through first.”
your eyes reflected a deep sense of shame and regret as you continued. “i actually feel like absolute shit right now, and i’m ashamed of myself for thinking i could find a quick solution without considering the impact it would have on you both.” you looked at them, hoping your words conveyed the depth of your remorse and the sincerity of your apology, wanting them to understand that your actions were not a reflection of your feelings for them, but rather a moment of misguided desperation.
gojo's expression softened with understanding, his eyes filled with compassion. he knew the weight of your words, the regret and shame that clung to them. he reached his hand back to your arm, his touch gentle and reassuring.
geto's gaze was a mix of surprise and relief as he processed your apology. his hand around yours tightened slightly, his thumb tracing reassuring circles on your skin. “it's okay,” he said, his voice hoarse with emotion. “we all have moments of weakness. what matters is that you're here, safe and alive.”
you felt a wave of gratitude wash over you at their responses, their understanding and compassion a balm to your wounded spirit. “thank you,” you said softly, your voice thick with emotion. “thank you for not being angry with me and for not questioning me right away. i know i made a terrible mistake, and i’m grateful you’re here, supporting me instead of condemning me.”
geto's grip on your hand tightened slightly, his eyes filled with a complex mixture of emotions— relief, love, and a hint of lingering fear. he shook his head gently, a reassuring smile on his lips.
gojo chuckled softly, his eyes filled with a mixture of compassion and playfulness. “we can save the anger and lecturing for when you’re not looking so terrible,” he joked, a wry smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “and trust me, baby, i had a lot of choice colorful words for you when the right time comes,” he lean in to kiss your forehead, “but right now, we just trying to be here for you.”
geto nodded in agreement, his grip on your hand still tight. he couldn’t help but roll his eyes a bit at gojo's playfulness, but there was a hint of fondness beneath the feigned annoyance.
he leaned in, reaching out with his other hand to gently brush a strand of hair off your forehead. “you are a stubborn, reckless, and stubborn pain in the ass,” he scolded lightly, his tone a soft but affectionate mix.
gojo chuckled, his eyes crinkling at the corners with humor. he settled himself closer, his hand still resting lightly on your arm. “he's right, you know,” he chimed in, his smile wide. “you're very good at pushing our buttons and getting under our skin.”
geto's lips curled into a small smile, his expression a mixture of feigned anger and affection. “and you're even better at making us worry,” he added, his tone light but underlined with the gravity of their concern. “but we care about you more than anything,” he added, his gaze softening as he looked at you. “so you better not do something like that again, you hear me?” his voice held a hint of authority, but mostly it was filled with love and concern.
geto's smile grew a bit wider, his eyes crinkling endearingly at the corners. “yeah,” he said, his voice firm. “you better listen. we don’t need anymore of these near-death experiences from you.”
gojo chimed in enthusiastically, leaning in a bit closer. “yeah, cause let me tell you, i can’t handle any more gray hairs than i already have.”
geto's grip on your hand tightened again, his expression a mix of sternness and vulnerability. he looked at you intently, his gaze locking with yours. “he's right,” he echoed, his voice firm but filled with warmth and care. “no more reckless decisions. no more putting yourself in danger. you hear us, my love?”
gojo nodded in agreement, his expression serious but eyes softened with concern. he added, “yeah, we can't keep having our hearts in our throats like this. it's not good for our health, you know.” geto's hand caressed your arm gently, a silent plea for your understanding. “we just want you safe and sound. that’s all we ask.”
a hint of vulnerability flashed across geto's face, his expression betraying the weight of his words. he locked eyes with you, his gaze filled with a mixture of pleading and sincerity.
“we just want to know that you're safe,” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “that you're not recklessly endangering yourself anymore.”
gojo leaned in closer, his hand resting on your arm lightly. “we can't bear the thought of something happening to you again,” he chimed in, his tone carrying an undercurrent of worry.
they continued to exchange tender words and earnest pleas, their voices overlapping in a chorus of concern and affection. each spoke fervently about their love and the lengths they would go to ensure your safety and happiness. their words, though filled with their own fears and frustrations, were underscored by a deep, unwavering care for you.
as you watched them, a soft smile touched your lips. their earnest devotion, their refusal to let you face this alone, filled you with a profound sense of comfort and gratitude. you could see their love in every gesture and hear it in every word, and it warmed your heart. despite the gravity of the situation, their caring presence made you feel cherished and supported, giving you strength even in the midst of your own turmoil.
after a few moments of their heartfelt declarations, the room fell into a short silence, the weight of their words lingering in the air.
gojo ran a hand through his hair, a gesture of nervous energy. “and just so you know, suguru here basically took a week off work to sit by your bedside like a damn watchdog, he even almost made the rainbow dragon eat gakuganji because that fucker won't let him leave.” geto, caught off guard by the sudden revelation, flushed faintly and shot a glare at gojo.
geto, taken aback, shot a sharp look at gojo before retort, “you clearly about to hollow purple the higher-ups and the entire school because they won't let you stay here with her.” gojo's expression darkened for a moment, “you know i would do it in a heartbeat, if i could.” geto's grip on your hand tightened, his gaze still fixed on gojo. “i know you would. and i'd be right there with you.”
gojo and geto turned their attention back to you when they heard your soft chuckling, their expressions a mix of relief and amusement at hearing you laugh.
gojo chuckled as well, “you find that funny, huh?” he said, a smile tugging at his lips. geto rolled his eyes a bit, but his own smile betrayed his true feelings. he couldn't stay serious when you laughed. “just the thought of us going rogue and taking down the entire school system for you is amusing, i guess,” he said, his tone laced with sarcasm.
you hummed in satisfaction, “they are shit anyway.” a gentle smile lingering on your pale lips.
gojo chuckled warmly, his eyes sparkling at your comment. “ah, and there’s that signature wit of yours coming back.”
geto, still feigning annoyance but struggling to hide a grin, shook his head slightly. “still as blunt and unfiltered as ever,” he said, his eyes soft.
you glances at both of them, the comforting silence lingering between you, and with a tender smile, you mouthed softly, “i love you.” your cheeks flushed a delicate crimson beneath your pale complexion as you kissed their cheek.
gojo and geto exchanged a brief glance at your sweet words and soft kisses, their hearts swelling with warmth and love. gojo's hand reached out to stroke your hair, his touch gentle and loving. “we love you too,” he said softly.
geto's smile widened as he placed a gentle kiss on your forehead. “always,” he breathed, his voice filled with tenderness.
the thought of you coming back to them is warm.
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