#I REALLY FUCKING ADORE IT
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EATS YOU YOUR ART AND THIS COMIC ESPECIALLY
Part 1: Here
THIS TOOK SO FUCKING LONG MAN IM SORRY FOR TAKING DAYS
#THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD NEBULA#I REALLY FUCKING ADORE IT#ANGST? GIVE ME TWO#the frame where Moon has white eyes crashes my heart#so many conflicts ahhhh#love it love it#as i said it scratches my brain in the best way possible#well written angst>>>everything else
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Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Plain-text version:
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
#hlep#original#mental health#my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need.#the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it#i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support#and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist.#the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28!#a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents.#they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of#huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the#longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong.#and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives.#you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead?#or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of.#no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow.#i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel#i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong.#just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop
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Jammer's arc this season is making me think of Lou's genius take on Pinocchio as a metaphor for the struggles of Black boyhood and WHEW!!
That constant impossible pressure on his shoulders as he enters adulthood. The way he talks about taking care of his mom and life back home. THE GOAT HOOF COMING OFF HIS CHEST?? Jammer could very easily be my younger brother and so many young guys I know and boy howdy let me tell y'all I burst into tears thinking about all the goat hoofs on all their chests
On a related note, there's something about people (including Sam in this too) who make others feel welcomed that gets overlooked so often - where does that desire come from? Why do you think a charismatic person would prioritize community if it comes so easily to them? I think folks see the "quantity" (so to speak) of the community created and don't consider the quality of those relationships. And yeah you can't ignore the racial aspect of this. The sort of unexamined "this is my Black friend" vibe they are up against in their lives. Jammer and Sam are not just being kind good hearted people. They are searching for something substantive and I really need them both to have moments that let them dig into why that is soon.
#just some thoughts#misfits and magic#misfits and magic spoilers#misfits and magic 2#mismag#mismag 2#lou wilson#lou wilson i see the choices you're making and i adore you for them thank you#danielle radford#dimension 20#aabria iyengar#aabria bless and keep you for creating this space#this Black as fuck space#we really dont show this side of the equation enough
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etho said actually you _don't_ understand the intricacies of how tango is my boyfriend and bdubs is my ex
(and how tango and bdubs kiss too)
Scar: We went on that little adventure, you know! Etho: Yeah, yeah, we had our adventure, that's true, that's true. Scar: You disparaged your teammates. That's it, all right, no more spoilers. Etho: (laughs) Our team has -- our team has some weird dynamics this -- this season. Cleo: (overlapping) Really, Etho? Is there trouble in paradise? (pause) Who's third-wheeling with you, again? I can't remember. Etho: (laughs) Uhh. The -- Cleo: Genuinely can't remember. I know it's you and Bdubs. And...Tango? Tango. Tango. Etho: (loudly) Why -- Why is Tango the third wheel? Why -- why isn't Bdubs the third wheel? Cleo: Because it's you and Bdubs. I'm sorry. I understand how that relationship goes. Etho: (dissatisfied) Hmm.
#why is this what makes me post again#tangtho#etho#ethoslab#tango#tangotek#tango tek#bdubs#bdoubleo100#bangtho#< saw that in etho's comments. and. yeah#also consider that tango and bdubs were together first this series and etho is the third wheel#to the fucked up love hate thing they have going on#there's never been something more appreciating and adoring BUT biting each other as tangdubs#goodtimeswithscar#hermitcraft s10#wild life smp#wild life smp spoilers#(Sorry but some people have ethubs blinders on but that's so much less interesting to me than the whole.#Yes bdubs is pathetic and will always be at etho's feet. and Yes etho will pity bdubs and want him protected.#but tangtho (!!!) has SO much more to play with...to Me.)#and Why is etho being a tango girl so under-noticed??? lmao. it's there to be noticed All the time#hot mic! hot mic!#but also lowkey dreading ep2 lmao#anyway I'll regret posting this lol#(also I see you asks in my inbox. sorry I haven't replied yet <3 re: s7 oh do I have thoughts! it's where it truly kinda began... I started#forming a reply to you back in May I think but I've been kinda averse to posting/participating in the fandom side for a while. sorry I#stopped being a good place for your tangtho snippets </3 I've still been watching and enjoying the streams and the tango etho joy continues#just haven't really felt like posting)
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satoru as the guardian of an itty bitty six year old nobara... he spoils her so fucking much, and he lets her do anything and everything lmao nobara is so loud and lively and satoru fucking loves it like he adooores her so so so much<333333333
lets nobara climb all over him like he's her personal jungle gym whenever she's bored and lets nobara mess up his hair if she so desires. this is all very normal btw,, satoru doesn't even bat an eye when he feels her tugging at his arm as he's cooking, only smiling to himself when nobara grumbles that he's too heavy for her too pull on. satoru just ruffles her hair and tells her that he'll play mario cart with her after they've eaten and just fucking dies out of cuteness agression when nobara stomps her little foot while glaring at him. the hair thing is very casual too – sometimes satoru's just laying on the couch, watching tv, when nobara plops onto his back and just splays herself all over him like a puppy. yk how they sometimes lay on their backs with their paws up in the air – like that. it's very cute!!! she watches the tv with him for a while in silence but then she gets a little bored and goes to play with his hair instead. she styles it, she combs it; she makes fun of it being white, commenting that satoru's just so old already but he loves it.
they have spa days together, too. after a very, very bubbly bath, they're both clad in the cutest pyjamas with equally adorable headbands holding back their head. satoru's never been afraid to spend his money, meaning that the bathroom they share is as big as they come – they both have their own sides, seperate sinks and cupboard for the both of them (satoru really loves spoiling her). nobara has her own little stool to stand on as well, so she can see herself in the mirror perfectly as they wash their faces before applying face masks. sometimes nobara insists on putting on satoru's herself bc she thinks she can do it better. of course, he lets her.
after that, satoru carries her to the couch, so they can watch a movie while the mask dries. they eat popcorn and candy, and joke about whatever's playing on the screen. and when the twenty minutes are up, they both head back to the bathroom to wash their faces again. nobara does this for satoru, too – her eyebrows are furrowed, her eyes determined as she cleans him up. satoru pokes her cheek and laughs as she tells him off, as she tells him to stop messing around. satoru apologizes with a grin.
he blow dries her hair after all the skincare is done, his hands gentle as he combs through the strands. he's extra careful, knowing full well that he'll get reprimanded if he were to tug on her a bit too hard. satoru's rather good at it btw – doing her hair. he's learned how to braid it in different ways, so he's ready for whatever she could ever want. he's got hairties with him at all times, he's even got some hairclips in his pockets – in various shades, to match with the outfit she's wearing.
satoru likes to teasingly call her "little lady". it almost always ends up with her trying to shove him, the argument that 'she's not little' the saying she counters her guardian with. satoru thinks she's very adorable. nobara usually calls him by his name, sometimes by his last name but that's only when she's a little pissed off or when she's trying to be tough. she calls him 'toru' when she's tired though; when she's glued to him, her tiny hands circled around his neck as satoru's carrying her home from the park.
satoru's always there at her taekwondo practices, silently cheering her on as she kicks ass. he's so proud of her, so fucking proud. every once in a while, she turns to him with a big grin on her face, yelling out in excitement after yet another win. satoru is so incredibly proud.
satoru really adores nobara. she might not be his kid, but he still loves her like one. a father, a brother, a guardian - it doesn't matter. family. and nobara couldn't be any happier either – to have somebody that lets her have her fun, that doesn't even try to tone her down in any way. to have somebody that loves her unconditionally. it's everything a child could ever possibly want.
#i keep thinking abt the way she was tussling with the boys as a kid hshfdhdhfhhshs i love her sooooo so much#the little red matching sweatsuit she had on<33333#SO FUCKING CUTEEEEEE!!!!!!!!#i've been seeing some fanart with the two of them and wahhhh i adore them#I ADORE THEMMMMMMMMMMMMMM#in this au toji has gumi n miki#but i can't decide who's got little yuuji...#like yes the obvious answer is kuna but i also reaaally really love papa nanamin yk???#i'll figure it out#overall i really really love how there are so many different families in jjk#and in my head they ALL work#like satoru as the guardian of gumi n miki and satoru as the guardian of nobs#toji with gumi n miki#nanami with yuuji and sukuna with yuuji#and ofc sugu and miminana#they're ALL family#i love them all so fucking much#angel boy#nobara#mickey is daydreaming#gojo fluff#nobara fluff#gojo drabble#nobara drabble#jjk gojo#jjk nobara#jujutsu kaisen#jjk fluff#gojo satoru fluff
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the fact that everybody spent four years drawing devastatingly stylish and sultry femme!crowley and then he turned up with THESE LOOKS is just the funniest shit imaginable.
incredible scenes.
#good omens#crowley#david tennant#neil and the costume department and hair and makeup really looked at all that fan art and said you know what? 'fuck you'#and I respect it#I adore this stupid snake#this is literally the least cool being I have ever laid eyes on#can you BELIEVE he has the audacity to make fun of aziraphale for wearing tartan??#after aziraphale's lived through THESE looks???#the absolute cheek#the sheer unbridled self confidence#unmatched
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(id in alt - do not repost my art)
It's Pico, yeah, yeah, go Pico, uh.
#artings#fnf#friday night funkin#funkadelix#fnf funkadelix#pico#pico fnf#pico newgrounds#boyfriend fnf#friday night funkin boyfriend#digital art#digital artist#mspaint#microsoft paint#stole bfs dialogue from a msg from ochre uwhuajnjkgdnknj 😇#GOD ok when i say this dont. expect me to make more funkadelix art but jesus christ i fucking adore this mods style#i so fuck with the palette. i need my personal art to look like this (guy who is always saying that)#what if i. wahtif. what if i made pico as i drew him hjere my icon. would that be fun#REALLY proud of this
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"get 😠my country's 🇨🇦name out📤 of your 🫵 fucking🖕 mouth😗
and my sword 🗡️
give me that 🤨"
#eliza rewatches#like he's so fucking cute i want to put him in a box and shake it really really hard#i want to cradle him inside my cupped palms then wring him out like laundry#i've been watching hugh's and ryan's interviews and they talked about ryan's interest in clownwork#actually. i'm not joking. the part where ryan is expressive through a mask#and like??? yeah the verbal rhythm#if it clicks with him then it'd click with me too AND IT DID#i adore creativity among the privileged#deadpool and wolverine#deadpool#wade wilson#wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#deadclaws#deadpool 3#deadpool 2024
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SPOILERS FOR DAY 4 OF 14DWY!!
i was actually losing my mind when i played day 4 lmao, so.... redraw time!!
i hope i drew it well enough haha
#num draws#ren posting#14dwy#14dwy ren#14 days with you#yandere vn#yandere#14dwy fanart#digital art#fanart#i adored day 4 so much UGH#im honestly really worried about how the cg redraw looks#i am not confident in it </3#but i hope it looks good enough!!#i spent a really long time on it haha#also for some reason i kept fucking up their hair and it was setting me OFF#its okay i think i got it in the end...#anyway... enjoy (??)
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you guessed it! its a bug compilation
#my art#doodles#hiveswap#marsti houtek#folykl darane#kuprum maxlol#azdaja knelax#konyyl okimaw#kondaja#hiveswap fanart#homestuck#homestuck fanart#azdaja + the Freaks are prob my fave goldbloods. i adore all of them#i would level a fucking building for folykl#thinking about her and kuprum make me So Happy and So Incredibly Sad at the same time#TRAGIC bestie/worstie combo. they deserve to live harassing highbloods for shits n giggles forever and ever#also: i post doodles as i draw them on bsky but i will continue to post compilations of em here :3#if you follow me here but not on bsky you wont really miss anything unless like. i dont love the doodle or its particularly suggestive#stfu chris
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'varric's vibe when you pick the 'I'm worried' option after he asks you how you feel about having solas in your head is so fucking funny. the very careful 'so, uh, just... out of casual interest why -- why aren't you putting wards on yourself and your mind to keep him out, and incidentally exactly how might you do it if you did. no reason why I'm asking just. curious. I have no stance on this' probing of it all (that should be the giveaway in itself, really, in hindsight I think real varric would be a lot more freaked out on rook's behalf about this even if he might still have reached the conclusion that the connection to solas was worth the risk, he's got kirkwall blood magic trauma to fill a telephone catalogue). that and the '>:) then I see you've made a choice (so this is basically a little bit on you now, you got fairly outsmarted etc., I don't have to feel as guilty thank you for having youthful hubris that will be your undoing so I can feel less bad about my role in it). honestly if anything I'm doubling down on my previous 'mind!varric is directly controlled by solas the majority of the time and rook's mind is mostly a collaborateur' post. this conversation is transparently solas gathering intel and giving you the 101 on leadership while you're building a small focused rebel force.
in solas' defense... this whole situation is very very funny in an extremely dark kind of way he is nothing if not on brand. the stuff he says about himself in this conversation is like. he's both reading himself for filth AND he can't read all of a sudden he can't uh......... he has plenty of self-insight (a single flower with blackened petals) and it helps him exactly not at all in breaking his patterns lmao
also it makes the relationship between solas and rook so. so much. what an insane intimacy in grieving for someone so much you both conspire to raise him from the dead together, just for a little while, because neither of you can bear to let go. what a violation in being the only knowing party in that. solas can hear rook following through on relaying his apology to 'varric' no matter what else they think of him. and he still does what he does to them in the end. he's feeding them affection (some of it even real eventually, I think, he clearly respects rook as a pure agent of chaos on some level and has some incredulous amused fondness for them no matter how you end up in your relationship with him) and confidence with one hand, and readying a knife in the other the whole time. solas my love my friend my genuine darling I think I will have to strangle you unfortunately
#rye is so polite to solas through that first check-in convo (imperturbable watcher smile from dealing with orlesians for a decade)#solas is SO shitty about it. he's SUCH a bitch if you try to take the high road with him I love him I adore him he sucks so bad fhdsakj#and then when varric asks after he's bluntly like 'your friend is kind of an asshole huh' fhdsak. solas in the fade: well he's got me there#I need you to understand that in some ways this makes me like solas even more. what he's doing is so FUCKED UP. but it is funny#and also genuinely really clever he keeps the balance up so well in the things 'varric' says#feeding rook exactly enough scraps of the love they remember that they won't be able to bear to let it go#AND rarely incriminating himself with anything varric wouldn't know#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#solas#varric tethras#Dynamic: That my keen knife see not the wound it makes
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POV: You're a tavern owner who just turned away a raccoon and an owl
#siggy draws#quynh#nicolo di genova#the old guard#WE'RE SO BACK BABY#for like. a minute. because drawing has been really difficult lol#quynh is the one with the money and language knowledge. nicolo is just there to look vaguely threatening#tavern owner: i'm sorry buuuut... we don't accept just anyone off the street. where are your papers?#quynh: oh bet *pulls out middle finger*#i just adore these two so much. completely forgot to give them weapons and also nicky is missing a beard#OR maybe they didn't come with their weapons because they wanted to look as innocent as possible#and maybe nicky's going through a clean-shaven phase#something's wrong with quynh's face even though i re-drew it and flipped the canvas and everything. idfk.#she's my sassy lady and i love her to death#it's grey as FUCK out and raining today so here we are
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I absolutely fucking love Brennan and Sibohan as catty British teen sisters like dishing on their enemies and playfully griping (and expressing honest sentiments of love and affection) at each other
#long live the abernant sisters#the abernant sisters#aelwyn abernant#adaine abernant#I adore them#I think their bond is so really and so loving now#even if it comes from a catty place#and OMG sibohan clutching her fist and hitting the table in excitement about finding out dirt about Kipperlily#and the camera’s fucking ZOOM IN#a cinematic masterpiece#sibohan Thompson#brennan lee mulligan#dimension 20#d20#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#fhjy spoilers#fantasy high spoilers#fhjy ep 10#cursed out spoilers#cursed out#live reaction
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He belongs with them
He belongs with them
HE BELONGS WITH THEM
THAT'S THEIR KID, THEY ARE A FREAKING FAMILY.
And if anyone wants to take him away, they're gonna have to try and rip him out of their hands first.
#I always struggle with a way to define the relationship between Sullivan and Opera#They don't really act like father and child or even like siblings and Opera is way more than an employee#But fuck it man#They are FAMILY and that's all that matters#They both fucking adore one (1) boy#mairuma#iruma kun#marimashita iruma kun#mairimashita! iruma kun#welcome to demon school iruma kun#iruma suzuki#m!ik#m!ik spoilers#m!ik opera#m!ik sullivan
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Just before I go to bed.
PRINCESS PUPPINS!
#Yeah I like to draw her with really scrunkly feet#her and her over grown nails and hairy toes#i think I failed at making her ugly tho#like for real why is she so adorable still#Shes just so happy to be with her Papa even though her Papa is lowkey going bonkers right now#who the fuck let Kid wade walk the dog?#kid wade#sfw agere#mary puppins#dogpool#peggels#ugly dog#where#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#deadpool#wade wilson#deadpool 3#wolverine#caregiver logan howlett#my art#digital art#quick sketch#rescue dog#peggels my beloved#artists on tumblr#small artist#fanart#deadpool fanart
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Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending
#I like to believe that there is a universe where they get to grow old together#just one#look once upon a time I read a fic that had me bawling my fuckin eyes out where they get to grow old together#I do want to say that I believe in personal growth and I think that Curt can 100% have a happy ending without Owen- where he can grow#away from that experience and where he can healthily cope with the trauma he ended up with#where he can find solace in something other than alcohol and where he can find it in himself to forge new relationships and build his#connections with people like Tatiana#etc etc#I just want to make it known that this is one of many happy endings that could happen#(amongst the several sad ones that I know also exist)#ALSO I wanted to draw the old men and I do what I want#but yeah something something if the universe is infinite /ref#maybe this is a universe where the banana incident never happened and they were able to retire together#ough#the curtwen feels are really getting me today#I adore them#also I used a new brush ive been having fun with this past week#doesn’t it look cool?#I really like drawing with it and I like how it looks so#we might be seeing more of this one in the future#although 6b is still my guy#damn y’know hypothetically- if Owen (depending on the au) and Curt lived to be in their 60s (at least) they would witness the first Pride#god can you imagine that?#At the very least Curt being around for stonewall and everything that came after that with queer rights#FUCK anyways#fun fact: a group of frogs is called an army#isn’t that cute#reminds me of that one person on TikTok that raised like a thousand frogs- they had a literal army of frogs#crazy#curtwen week
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