#I LOVE KUMA WITH MY WHOLE HEART

[originalartblog]

I have one obsession and it's Dazai and Chuuya's dog being petty

Scene from @whathorselegs' Kuma, His Human and the Other One!

(previous doodles and comic of the same fic)

[joy-girl]

Friendly reminder that Kuma went from "who would dare to hit a celestial dragon?!"

to "one of the five elders is gonna catch these hands"

[opbackgrounds]

This scene with Sanji is one of his most important moments in the series, and in my opinion also one of the most difficult passages in the manga to interpret, because to completely understand it you have to look at the manga holistically rather than this scene by itself.

The big question that needs answered is why does Oda let Zoro "win" here by having him be the sacrifice instead of Sanji. Both are equally willing and both are identified much later on as the Wings of the Pirate King, implying that they have similar importance (although vastly different roles) within the Straw Hat crew.

If we go back to Sanji's introduction on the Baratie, his big flaw was that he lacked the "spear of spirit" to pursue his dream. Since he's been a boy he's wanted to find the All Blue, but even when he had the opportunity to go after that dream he chose to stay on the Baratie out of a feeling of obligation to Zeff. Sanji put the continued existence of the restaurant over his own life, something Luffy rightfully called him out for at the time, and even at the end of the arc had to be pushed away by Zeff and the other chefs before he finally set sail for good.

On Drum, Sanji once again almost died protecting Nami and Luffy during the avalanche, resulting in a broken back that required surgury from Dr. Kureha. Luffy again calls him out (note the English translation here isn't entirely accurate, see here for a breakdown), and with his power there's a good chance Luffy could have gotten them all out of trouble without all the dramatics by Sanji.

Something similar happens on Skypiea, when Sanji puts himself in the way of Enel so that Usopp and Nami can be saved. This case is perhaps more justifiable given the extreme situation they were in, but nonetheless he was still quick to throw his life away.

Then on Enies Lobby Nami--while not criticizing his chivalry--calls out Sanji for simply not running away from Kalifa, instead just accepting that he's going to get the shit beat out of him, and possibly die.

So there's a pattern of self-destructive behavior. Sanji repeatedly puts his life on the line when he doesn't need to in order to preserve the lives and dreams of the people he loves. Even him constantly simping over Nami and Robin falls a little into this category, because if either of them told him to take a long walk off a short pier I have no doubt he'd comply. It's that same extreme willingness to sacrifice anything and everything for the people he cares for that we see in Baby 5, except Sanji was fortunate enough to not be surrounded by people that encourage these worst impulses of self-destructive behavior. As he says here in Thriller Bark, he's just the cook. Luffy can always just find someone else.

(The glory of Whole Cake Island being Sanji realizing, no, Luffy can't, and he won't).

And it is finally on WCI that get to the heart of why Sanji is like this with yet another episode of putting his own dreams and happiness aside for the sake of others, and not until Wano that we finally see him take the first steps toward asking others for help instead of passionately throwing his life away when he doesn’t need to.

When Zoro first offered his head to Kuma, the prominence of his dream was first and foremost. Notice that Sanji never mentions the All Blue. One Piece is a series that places the pursuit of one's own ambition above all else, even if that ambition is selfish. Sanji hasn't yet learned to be selfish, so Zoro knocks him out and ends up being the one to accept Luffy's pain. Sacrifice isn't sacrifice if the person doesn't value what they're giving up, and right now Sanji clearly doesn't value his own life compared to the rest of the crew.

Next chapter Oda will speak through Brook to confirm that Sanji's willingness to give himself up wasn't foolish or stupid. It's just that he's missing a piece of the puzzle, and that's not something he'll have for a long time yet.

[deadite-central]

More of my marineford thoughts‼️

I think it’s really funny how they let Crocodile out of their sight for five seconds and he’s already throwing hands (something that he’s gonna be doing pretty much the entire arc. Man was beefing with anyone and everyone). Whitebeard is still definitely in a league of his own, and even without Luffy’s intervention, I’m guessing he’d be alright after this encounter

I love the fact that Whitebeard has heard of Luffy specifically because Ace loves his brother so much he has to show off his achievements to everyone, especially his dad, and seeing Luffy stand next to the strongest man in the world and talk to him like an equal is just so so good

Kuma has been a mystery to the reader as of this point in the series, so finally getting at least some answers to why he’s acting the way he does, why there are pacifistas and how he actually really was a part of the revolutionary army is great

With more seven warlords content we get more Mihawk content, showing how much of a powerhouse this man really is, if Baratie hasn’t shown you that enough. He could absolutely destroy this whole battlefield if he actually wanted to, and again, we see such a strong guy acknowledge Luffy, building him up as someone we as readers can be proud of

I find the two interactions between Crocodile and Doflamingo quite interesting too, both cause it gives me room for divorce jokes but more importantly because they both very much parallel one another. At this point you have no idea what goes on in Dressrosa, but having these two even interact creates a standing point for all the future parallels and similarities between their respective arcs. And then again it’s a really funny interaction

Speaking of funny, Buggy once again carries the comedy department of the arc, and I can’t decide whether gum gum human shield or his stream of the whole war is funnier to me

Back to Whitebeard, we learn something that we could have already deduced that yeah, he defeated Crocodile way back when, that he’s definitely not as strong as he was back then (which is fair the man is old give him a break), but we also get a very emotional beat, his forgiveness towards his children is so sweet to see, and you can tell that despite being a feared pirate, Whitebeard has one of the biggest hearts when it comes to his family. Something that he strived for ever since he was young

Before we get to the million gut wrenching things that will happen soon, there’s a moment of hype as Luffy enters the closing centre, landing right next to the admirals, ready to take on the world for his brother

[sanjiaftersex]

Pre-timeskip thoughts :

I just finished pre-timeskip and before i get into fishmen arc here are some thoughts

Favorite Strawhat : Sanji, Luffy

Favorite non-Strawhat : nefertari vivi, Bonclay

Other characters I liked : Dr Kureha (girlboss), the baratie workers, portgas d Ace (*sobs uncontrollably*), Hachi the octopus, Vivi's duck karoo, boa hancock, Rayleigh, ivankov HEEHAW,

Favourite friendships : zoro-luffy, zoro-chopper, sanji-ace (sobs uncontrollably), nami-usopp, Luffy-vivi, Luffy-bon chan

Favorite island : Little Garden, Water 7

Favorite Villains :

Captain Kuro and the kuro neko pirates were good and i liked the unique fighting style they had (siam and buchi, then jango was hilarious as hell etc)

Don krieg was the scum of earth but he made the story progress into something more serious and thrilling.

Sawtooth Arlong, the fishmen were all intimidating as hell and the whole arc was filled to the brim with excitement

The Baroque works concept was very cool with all the code names and i felt eager to find out the powers of the duos being revealed slowly. I liked Ms. Goldenweek and Ms doublefinger and would love to see more of them in the future. Finally Crocodile served well as a villain and later as an ally.

Skypiea Eneru (enel?idk) was so formidable and his power was so very unique from all the villains up till that arc, so it was very refreshing to watch. Plus the priests and their fighting style was a good introduction to haki (called as mantra) and its influence in a fight. (Strawhats' fight with satori was fun HOH HO HO).

CP9 were all parts of ruthless and annoying about their government assigned crimes but i like that Chapapa guy the most, he's cute asf and Rob Lucci turning into a tiger gave me a shock lmao. But damn rob lucci as a shipwright was some hot shit

Aokiji gave me blood pressure from how angry he makes me but him letting go off robin in water 7 and all that time ago in ohara, he has left an impression and I'm looking forward to find out more about him

Bartholomew Kuma gave me the HOLY FUCK OH SHIT OH GOD FUCK HE IS HERE AGAIN jolts but then turned out to be a nice person with mysterious lore that im eager to find out so he deserves a place here. Plus his paw paw power is cute

Perona's negative hollow power was hilarious and she's a nice cutie girl who considers zoro a boytoy like me and Luffy so that's a plus

Favourite devil fruit power so far : tori tori no mi : model phoenix (marco) i like the flight and his regeneration power

Favourite moments : Enies Lobby Sogeking shooting down the govt flag as the strawhats announce war against them, sabaody archipelago Luffy punching a celestial dragon (GOAT Luffy), marineford Luffy punching Garp (GOAT LUFFY), Luffy crying after Ace's death, Luffy punching bellamy

Favourite fights : Luffy vs kuro pirates, Luffy vs Crocodile final battle in alabasta, Sanji on the train fighting that ramen guy, zoro vs hachi, little garden final battle

a few tears may or may not have been shed : Chopper's backstory, going merry funeral, little Luffy being kidnapped :(, marineford ace-Luffy

Best arc : Arlong, Little garden, Enies Lobby, Thriller Bark (i love spooky things and tb was hilarious)

Thoughts on the Strawhats :

Luffy : I've grown to love him a lot. His innocence, childlike excitement and badbitchery have rizzed me up, your honor. Also he is a musical genius, minami no shimawa has been SOTY for decades. Plus I really love Luffy's eating moments. He looks so cute and stupid and it melts my heart so much i know a Luffy mukbang show would go SO HARD

Zoro : His backstory felt a bit lukewarm but he later made up for everything. He turned out to be so thoughtful, brave and selfless, especially, zoro's character got new dimension during water 7 saga and ofc thriller bark zoro is one for the history books.

Nami : at first she irked me a bit, but after knowing her backstory, I started loving her. She's strong, resourceful, selfless and smart.

Usopp : his quirks, especially during the G-8 filler arc after skypiea, Usopp's CONDORRRIANO still cracks me up like no other. And him getting all the protective religious gears and garlic necklace when he saw Brook, was hilarious.

Chopper : little baby, soft fuzzy and dumb as fuck but has been so so traumatized. Also Tony Tony chopper has to be the cutest name anyone has ever been given, little baby is always too hard on himself (typical capricorn) and needs to chill.

Franky : I love his dance routines, and his franky family was cool as well. I once even followed one of his routines he does after he landed in the karakuri island (it was a good hip movement after binging one piece for HOURS). Also i miss mozu and kiwi dance icons

Robin : She filled me with rage during water 7, but after her backstory, I understood her more. She's cute and her nihilistic outlook on life is hilarious

Sanji : PERFECTION. He took my heart even before baratie (I saw a person doing leg karate in one of the openings and couldn't wait to meet him). His initial backstory (the starvation and zeff) moved me,and based on that i can see how thoughtful and kind he is. I can't wait to discover more about this wonderful character in depth. His badbitchery with fullbody, His kindness with Gin and don Krieg, the unique way he fights - he had me from the very first appearance. And I can't believe he has more depth to his already beautiful complex character. look at my pretty boy

Brook : i love how polite but chaotic he is and how easily he blends in with the strawhats. And i absolutely love how open minded Luffy was with Brook, and their interactions crack me UP.

General thoughts about op :

- op keeps me on my toes with the constant new islands, the new characters, both allies and villains, being gradually introduced feels very refreshing and thrilling

- Even the Strawhats slowly joined with a fun (sometimes sad) story. The introduction with a fresh face and the development of a new friendship felt good and didn't jumble my brain with too much information at the same time

- I love the dynamics of the strawhats and how wholesome all of them are in their own ways

- The summit war wasn't as exciting as i was expecting, it felt too drawn out and the constant switch between different fight scenes and fighting parties made things feel unfinished. On that note, whitebeard and his pirates were disappointing asf

- Excited to see more of Bartholomew Kuma, shanks, crocodile, mihawk, ivankov, perona, captain kidd, Law

- Bon chan is GOAT and i better be seeing him soon

Looking forward to see what the series has in store for me <3

[basedkikuenjoyer]

Keep it in Your Heart

If we're doing another leg of this flashback, it's time to dust off a old concept that proved right with the last time we stepped away. We...might not be coming back to how this situation with Saturn gets resolved. We may come in directly on the resolution. There are a lot of ways that can go. But for the moment I just wanted to focus on a few things that are relevant. Starting with the chapter I borrowed a title from here, 603. Viz slightly changes it, but the noteworthy "heart" theme is part of the whole package, one you probably remember with this scene.

Of course it's relevant that Kuma asked for this final mission. This direction for the flashback has a high chance of us seeing an alternate view of the story we all know and love. Really, really would like to see this cover Kuma's POV on Thriller Bark. What I forgot until looking at this chapter again was how much the Straw Hats, particularly Franky, know about the cyborg project. Franky offering a dire warning that is quite pertinent; that Kuma is someone they're indebted to...but if they ever cross paths again he will be an emotionless weapon.

There is no such thing as coincidence, only fate. That was how Van Augur put it. Remember, that was when the story was taking an odd moment between Luffy and Blackbeard and spelling out the thread that had been running since Drum. How a quirk of fate tied the brothers' story together. It's interesting to see it on display here leading into explaining just how Kuma protected the ship. Had a hand in setting the Straw Hats up to learn what they'd need to take on the New World.

I used that quote from Augur in one of our earliest Post-Wano Musings, titled Holding Pattern which covered Chapters 1062 & 1063. Looking back, man it's cool we're still looking at Bonney the same way and Drake has the same potential. I really dug up the coincidence thing because Law having boobies was so on point. 1063 was the first time I really started wondering if there might be a real reason to keep the hopium around because it was so weird then to cut away to Law like that. Egghead has gotten a lot longer than we imagined then but really leaned into those early threads we were looking at.

Those who have been following along would recall a while ago I stopped fully caring about this from the perspective of Kiku actually being #10 or not and more that using her as a guide was clearly paying off enough I'mma keep doing it until we get our answer. So then it's worth noting it may be no coincidence, but fate that made Kuma's decision to split the Straw Hats land them at the right time to stumble into the Akazaya's revenge plot. Though the length of their time apart is out of Kuma's paws even if he knew about it. That was just one thought looking back on 603 here.

You even had Caribou stumble in at the end. Don't forget him. My hunch right now is if the Blackbeard ship is actually Moria & Perona then Caribou fits their aesthetic to a T. That's not a bad vehicle to show some of what happened during the skipped night in the lab. Reading that old review was a great reminder; some of the little oddities we noticed early did and continue to snowball.

As for Kuma? Who knows where the flashback goes from here. I'd love some deep Makino lore but they could just be ships passing in the night. Where Bonney's story runs parallel will also be telling. I'll dust off one classic though. The longer this flashback goes the better the odds we come back to the present in a weird fashion. I don't think this 1100 turn can be ended in just one followup chapter either. Gut says wait til the first one of a new year, those are always big too.

Hell...worth mentioning too. If this is our second segment like this in the arc, what does it mean if/when we break down into a third? Just saying, we already had the idea Egghead was the 4th more accurate part of Wano doing a Rashomon type thing. What if that story itself is a nested Rashomon narrative? I will make and send Oda an award for literary brilliance if he does that and it's really, really starting to feel like we might.

[fallensnowfan]

The Winds of Fate.

1106 was a wild chapter, I'm excited to talk about it!

Dorry and Brogy really said, "if you won't come to Elbaf, we'll go to you!" Never considered them arriving here but I love the choice to have them arrive now. Dorry and Brogy already knowing that Luffy is the Sun God stands out, and it's cute how excited they are to see him. I hope they brought snacks. I'm gonna guess they saw Luffy's new wanted poster and came to the conclusion about his devil fruit themselves.

Meanwhile, Vegapunk is bleeding on the ground, and Bonney is primed to steal the show by turning Saturn into a cartoonish pile of soot(I hope,) acting as the "heart" to her newly gained army of Pacifistas. And Luffy? He is laughing and numb to it all. The SMILE fruit/Nika comparisons are strong in this chapter.

Both are still hurt themselves, though I'm wondering what Stussy and Sentomaru will want to do now that Vegapunk has been stabbed. Are we about to learn more about Vegapunk's past?

Vegapunk's thoughts about Bonney and Kuma/the Pacifistas remind me a lot of what went down between the Akazaya and fake Oden. And his line "even if the whole world should be your enemy," is similar to lines from the final Wano opening, Highest Point. "With the world as my enemy, I stand my ground on quivering legs."

I love the decision to not show Luffy's eyes much in the chapter. They're always shaded or somehow obscured, except when he's in the Nika pose, and even then, his eyes are closed. Kizaru's line about wanting darker shades last chapter is an interesting one alongside Luffy's eyes being covered for much of this chapter.

Hi Robonosuke! You've appeared alongside the Nika heartbeat twice now, though haven't moved an inch. Very hmmm. I like that Bonney gets her own turning the tides of the battle moment, ala Tama from chapter 1017. Also is a bit reminiscent of Nami using Big Mom's Vivre card too. Cool!

Maybe the reason Robonosuke is so slow to wake up is because these dern kids keep making a fuss on his lawn. They woke him up from his nap! Fireworks everywhere, buildings crashing down, a silly rubber boy is making a mess while he eats, leaving food scraps everywhere. Just a terrible day for the Ancient Robot.

A lot of grand goings on are paying out on Egghead right now, and Luffy is back up and ready for another round it seems. He was given food and activated Gear 5 once more, the Buster Call Deluxe was swiftly dealt with, the PX units are on Bonney's side now, and powerful allies have arrived. Things are going so well... Dare I say it almost feels that they're going a bit too well.

I've read enough stories to know that when things begin going this smoothly, it often is a signal from the author that something is about to go very very wrong. And Luffy is at the center of it. However, the manga is on break next week. We all get to wait a bit longer to find out what happens from here, ahyahyahyahya! I'm curious to find out!

[nono-bunny]

When looking at the Gokushufudo tag I haven't seen anyone mention them so! It's up to me ig to remark upon what great additions Yukari and Sakai are to the cast. Like, obviously we all love Himawari, she's precious and hilarious and does a good job at both being her own character and encapsulating all the various child characters Tatsu comes across in the anime (and, presumably the manga but. I haven't read it because I saw that the fan translations died out because of the official ones so ig I'll just wait for them to catch up or something idk), but. Yukari is a completely new entity as far as I could tell, and Sakai is like... A combo of the cops and the anime nerd, and both of them are fantastic characters too!!!

Just. Kinda wanted some more acknowledgment of how fun they are to watch to be out there, so I decided to do it myself lol

Also: I genuinely love how they made Yukari and Masa mirror Miku and Tatsu, even if the latter's story was a bit... Rushed? Still a whole lot more than what we got in the anime (and from what I read, the manga doesn't seem to delve any further into it either). It was really cute and I'm very much rooting for them!!! Yukari's fucking great, she just does not give a fuck about anything and it's incredible lol

And having a police officer who became one because of Policure (or like? Neopolice in the live action ig but. Fuck that, it's Policure forever in my heart because the mock OP they made for the anime is genuinely incredible and the song is a certified bop) is a stroke of genius, he's also just. So funny, like. Him and his partner present such an unflattering image of cops and it's glorious, they're so much fun and I love how the show just has like, the three clans: the former Yakuza, the housewives, and the cops... And how they all get together for drinks after the hijinks resolve themselves. Truly a wild city to live in

Also, idk if I'm gonna make another post about this so I'll just include this here as well even though it wasn't the point of the post: finally seeing Kuma-san Bears when I legit thought they weren't gonna be in it at all after the six first episodes were without them was so cathartic for some reason lmao, I love them they're such goofballs and their name is just. Iconic. Idk if they're coming back but I hope so, their recurring nature is like. Kinda the point so!! Hoping for some more Kuma-san Bears!!

[hakodate-division]

Kizuna/Bonds (Kuma no ie Ver.)

[Kuma no ie:]

Hakodate guys, c’mon, put your hands up

We are the best of friends (Best of friends!)

Hakodate guys, c’mon, put your hands up

This is our bond! (Our bond!)

Put your hands up!

Hakodate!

Kuma no ie!

[Kotan:]

A simple entity, this is all that I need

Piece of mind is a gift as I continue to lead

Difficult and onerous, but I must not quit

No matter the struggle or strain, I refuse to submit

[Ted:]

The ice and snow gather, entrapping me whole

Very fitting as my frozen heart refuses to beat

As long as I have peace, then I'm not worried

This quiet life is all I need to make me feel complete

[Kokomi:]

The expectations of others gripped tight around me

Alone in the cold, that was how I once felt

But after a long time searching, I finally found my own place

One where I won't let assumptions intrude my space

[Kotan:]

Discredit it all you want, but this city's our home!

[Ted:]

And we'll defend it from any threat, both real and unknown!

[Kokomi:]

This is the bear's dwelling, and that's how it will stay!

[Kuma no ie:]

We are Hakodate's Kuma no ie!

[Chorus:]

There’s definitely nothing that we can’t handle so long as we’re with all our friends

There’s no division that’s more important, my love for it here doesn’t end

It’s okay to have bad days once in a while, it’s something we can amend

We’ll overcome whatever comes our way

And then we’re gonna shine

[Kuma no ie:]

Hakodate guys, c’mon, put your hands up

This is our bond! (Our bond!)

[yettofindaname]

One Piece posting

So I've recently catched up with the One Piece manga (as of now, chapter 1100) and have some things to say. (unmarked spoilers for OP below)

I have read One Piece since 2015, and my modus operandi always is to wait a bunch and read a significant block of chapters, ideally a years worth. Factoring that in, I can finally say the Wano arc really tested my patience.

Wano is the longest arc in the series! And i'm not talking the saga (that started ten years ago) Im talking the get-in-the-island get-out-the-island part! Luffy got in Wano in early July, 2018 - and left mid August, 2022, that's four years! And the final showdown in Kaidou's base, the climax of two years of preparations, politics, backstory - took two whole years to boot. It was kinda sad, getting my fresh one piece dose and it's 50 chapters of the same of last year! I glad that is over!

--

Luffy is a zoan-user now, and I saw a good comment stated by a very vanilla wish-fulfillment-protagonist in a isekai one piece fic: Zoan users are - as stated on the manga by various sources - shaped by the animal of the devil-fruit they eat. Carnivorous zoans are more agressive, and so on - this is heightened when the user awakens, sometimes with the user losing their personality and becoming a single minded beast, as was the case with the mino-animals in Impel Down. The point here is: Would a devil-fruitless Luffy be all that friendly and freedom fight-y, had he not eaten the fruit of the Laugh-and-Freedom-Fight-GOD? Was he always like this, or did the Nika inside him ate the person and left the shonen protag? I (like the fic MC that made the coment) don't think one piece is this kind of story - and when we find out what is luffys True Dream (that being Pirate King is only a stepping stone to) is, it will probably be something very Nika like, even if the dream is older than the God-Possession.

--

We got Bartolomew Kuma's story and ho boy, is it a kick-in-the-feelings. Oda loves mistreating us, it's sadness porn all the time, but we are masochists and keep coming back for more. The World Nobles are like a whole nation of Jeoffrey Baratheons, really gives me the desire to cross the screen and strangle them one by one.

--

Oda takes his sweet time introducing loads and loads of new characters and going out on tangents, but I gotta give it to him: I fully believe that when one piece ends, there will be little to none loose strings - the man will lay everything on paper, from the backstory of the world to that of significant major players. In this stretch after Wano, we already got a lot of Revolutionary backstory covered, and also the God Valley - a central point in Garp and Rocks pirates lore.

In the same vein, I like how Oda gives us a progressively more clear view of the past: Legends become events you see in person, and legendary figures become humane. When One Piece started, Gold Roger was this paragon, unattainable pinnacle of a pirate, a very much tell don't show kinda deal. Now we know how he fought, what he liked, how he behaved - And it's nothing 'out of this world' - we even know his bounty and how it compares with those alive today, and it's a value that it's high, but not absurd. A slightly more expensive yonko, but yonkos are - today - beatable antagonists.

--

Speaking of Bounties, my bet for highest bounty is this: Monkey D. Dragon - 10 Billion Beri, give or take a few hundred million. It rounds off nicely in a universe where World Gvt level threats (yonko) that aren't trying to destroy the government are valued 5 Billion 'and change'.

--

The moment Nico Robin discovered that the books of Ohara were saved and the research her friends and family died to protect melted my heart - this was the reading-sprint kick in the feelings i was not expecting, but took with tears in my eyes and a smile in my face.

Yeah, this feeling.

[valkyrievanessa]

ok, so let's talk about Yuri Kuma Arashi, the manga version, i watched the first ep of the anime years ago, didn't understand a shit and stopped, i read the manga and i have plans to watch the anime itself... so, the manga broke my heart in a way i could not believe it was possible, wtf is this manga?! like, it have some weird things, but the story is fucking perfect (and tragic). This will have spoilers, big spoilers, if you don't like spoilers and enjoy Yuri, go read the manga, is short, can be read in a day and is perfect.

so, our protagonists, the main couple, Kureha and Ginko, they are the cutest couple ever, born to be a couple, their love is so cute and perfect, i want to huge both, specially Ginko, this girl needs therapy, a lot, she is just a baby bear that needs a hug.

like, Ginko have this whole psicological trauma because she killed someone by accident when she was a kid, and it was the mother of the girl she fucking loved, and the great love of her mother's life.

and the whole bear thing at least in the manga, is not real, it is something that exist only in Ginko and Kale (Ginko's mother) minds, it was something that Kale had, because she felt different from anyone else, she believed when she was a child, after she became 17, she would become a bear, never happened of course, so she started to believe that everyone is a bear, including her, but they are pretending to be human, Ginko being raised by someone like that also got it from her mom, so the whole bear thing? only in the mind (sometimes people will use the bear costumes). The only person Ginko see as a human is the girl she loves, Kureha, it was the same thing for kale, the only person she saw as a human was Kureha's mother, Reia

Like, maybe Kale started all this thing with bears because she was a lesbian and felt different from everyone, or not, it was my theory (that kinda falls apart, but it is something) and after she met Reia, things changed to her, it was the only person Kale acknowledges as a human, it was the love of her fucking life, she wanted to marry with Reia, she would do everything for her... and Reia married a guy that she liked, she didn't love the guy, she met him, had a summer love with him and decided to marry the guy just because. She acknowledge that it was a mistake after the marriage, because she noticed that she was in fact, in love with Kale (it was kinda too late, that single act destroyed Kale's life).

She kinda thought that the girl was straight, but ignored the possibility that Reia could be Bi and did something stupid, because Reia would had accepted the proposal. How Reia died was an accident, kinda. When Ginko and Kureha was children, Kureha got lost in the forest that had a lot of bears, Ginko decided to go help the girl, stole Reia's gun and went to find Kureha, when Reia find boths she makes so much noise that Ginko without knowing shoots and kills Reia, causing a giant trauma on Kureha, on herself, on Kale and on her aunt that was also in love with Reia, so... yeah, this manga talks a lot about trauma, like a lot. (Kale actually started to say that she killed Reia and devoured her like a bear).

This manga talks a lot about grief, the whole Kale's arc is about that, Lulu's arc too (her past made me want to die of sadness, like, wtf?!!), Yurika's arc too, she loved Reia, but after she died she started to fuck her brother's wife (Kale), i mean, both already had something before, but their relationship got a lot messier after. And Lulu? one of my favourite characters, she is in love with Ginko since she was a child, but their relationship started because she could not handle the grief and guilty of her little brothers death, it was an accident, but she felt guilty, because she was the responsible for him, so she kinda made Ginko her world after that. (she misses him so much that she have a teddy bear named after him and she takes care of it like it was him)

Lulu is so precious that i want to protect her from everything. Sumika is another favorite of mine, she does a lot, but as someone that helps Kureha to save Ginko, she helps everyone, all because she loves Kureha, she say to kureha that she loves her, but want to be a friend and... ouch, like, ouch. Just Imagine, you love this person, you love them so much that you would do everything for them to be happy... but this happyness will not be with you, and you know that since the beggining, that's Sumika in the manga, she helps Kureha a lot, part of the motive everything went well was because of her, and in the end she wanted to really have magic powers like people was saying about her, because that way she could make Kureha love her, it was really sad.

And the protagonist, Kureha, did everything she could to not only discover how her mother died, but did everything she could to save the girl she loved (Ginko was so depressed that i started to fear for her life), Kureha is an amazing character too, like, i probably love all the characters from this manga.

well, that's it, talked about everything i wanted about this manga, i reccomend, cannot say the same about the anime, not because the anime is bad, it is because it's 2 different stories, with 2 different objectives, i will watch the anime, maybe tomorrow.

[blueskylinesx]

I was FINALLY able to sit down and catch up and read this last night before bed… and OH MAN.

First off, I’m starting this with saying how much I fucking ADORED the entire Jesse and Angel scene. Every time there’s Citrus Cash Just Pretend Content I get SO fucking excited and this one was definitely a GOOD one. I absolutely adored how Jesse and Michael went out to go search for Angel out of the love they have for Noah. Jesse and Angel’s entire conversation was the absolute best and it gave my heart all the warm fuzzy feels. Jesse & Angel’s friendship is one of my absolute favorites in the whole story and I’ve already went back and reread this chapter three times and each time I smiled so big while reading their scene.

Also… the absolute heartbreak this chapter gave me. I had actual tears in my eyes when Angel was reading her note from her dad. AND ANGEL’S DAD’S LETTER TO NOAH?!?!! OH MAN. It was so simple and to the point but so fucking sweet and powerful. Tina, I say this every time but you TRULY outdid yourself with this chapter. It was so beautifully written from start to finish. The emotion you were able to convey through out the entire chapter was SO intense and beautifully written.

I fucking love Just Pretend so much and although this chapter was a heavy one I again, just love how much all these characters have grown and developed through this entire story. Angel and Mochi’s relationship from the beginning to now and just how much they’ve gone through and have changed and grown together.🥹 There is no better story out there. Just Pretend is THE story and it always will be. 🍡🪽

Also, the part about Kuma in her Dad’s letter 😭 when I first read that Angel wanted to take that sweetie to the shelter I was like ANGEL NOOOO!!! And then when she started slowly warming up to him and accepting him and when Noah was like, nah we are keeping him. I was like YAASSS Mochi Angel fur child 2 acquired!🥳🎉

I also loved the part where Angel lost her shoe 😂 and the part where Noah cleaned the dirt from under her nails 🥺 Ugh, this chapter was SO fucking good. I love this story SO much and I’m so excited for what’s to come but so sad that it’s nearing the end. It has been such a journey and I’m going to miss all the Mochi & Angel content.❤️ @thefallennightmare

Just Pretend-Twenty Seven

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse, talks of death, depressive thoughts.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: I apologize for the trauma I will cause with this chapter. But I promise that it's meant to happen this way. The light might be flickering now but soon, it will shine brighter than ever.

Also, I know I teased sweet, sweet, smut, but time got away from me so I will save it for the next chapter! Tumblr is being stupid and only allowing me to tag 50 people on a post so I might have to take some of these tags and add them in a comment, so if for some reason you don't see your tag, don't fret! It is added in the comments. As always, enjoy my loves, and thank you for sticking with me!

Tags[CLOSED]: @blueskylinesx @missduffsblog @hayleylatour @sleepyomens @loeytuan98 @artificialbreezy @marvelousmal @bngurngheart @lma1986 @dsireland86 @wild-child-7747 @calleyx13 @illmakeyousaywow @jaded-and-hollow-souls @exitwoundsx @shayzillaaaa @badomensls @princesspeach-00 @shadowseve @collective-heartbreak @klutzy-kay24 @sorrowsofsilence @sweetlittlekitsune @shilohrosechicken @itsafullmoon @toospooktocute @niicoleleigh @thatchickwiththecamera @hoe-for-daddywise @whenthesummerdies @cookiesupplier @concreteemo @thisbicc @sammyjoeee @joe9cool @ozwriterchick @teenblues @malice-ov-mercy @krisslee18 @xxkittenkissesxx @happi-goth @embracethereaper42 @softvgold @cncohshit @heyyoplayer @rain-down-on-me @bloody-delusion-expert @respectfulrebel @reader13000 @koskeepsake @malerieee @cheyyyyr @myownthoughts12 @noahsbong @laurpartyprogram @cloudykoookie @jessiskyee @a1ex-ba1ex @sideeyenoah @emzandthevoid @badomensls @bellaboo967 @waake-mee-up @rxdlstgn @anthemheatwave @lobolocaamo @cncohshit @amelia-acero @karenfranco @collidewiththesavannah @xserenax-13 @bleachampion @thepastelfae @supersquirrel1996 @madomens @themodern-daywednesday @oxythoughtin7715

READER

People once believed that when someone dies, a crow carries their soul to the land of the dead.

That’s complete bullshit. 

The noise around me was muted, and uninteresting, as my eyes stared daggers into the burial plot at my feet. It was all wrong, everything about this day was wrong. This entire moment was a facade of what people always believed happened after death. My dad wasn’t up in the sky watching me with a proud smile on his face. 

His body was in the ground beneath my feet. 

There was an empty hole in my heart, caving in with every pathetic attempt from the ones around in an effort to comfort me. It was a feign response due to what happened. No one here knew me or my father. Some of these people I hadn’t seen in years while the others I never met, acquaintances of my father’s while he lived here in Japan. They were compelled by the crosses on their necks because they were worried about what came next for them. They were all liars. 

My dad included. 

He lied to me for over a year. He hid his cancer from everyone. He suffered in silence and in pain. 

Did I not matter to him? Was I not important enough for him to tell me the truth? Did he even love me?

When I arrived in Japan four days ago, Noah and I immediately went to the hospital where my dad died to speak with the doctors. According to them, my dad had been diagnosed with lung cancer almost two years ago but they were hopeful because they caught it early on. He even beat it with rigorous treatments and was feeling good; alive. 

Yet, five weeks ago the cancer came back, more aggressive than before and this time my dad opted out of treatments. He told his doctors he was done fighting and wanted to go naturally. He had all of his funeral plans already set in motion, casket and all.

The real kicker about my dad’s cancer? He never smoked a day in his life and he was one of the healthiest persons I know. 

You knew. 

When the hospital first told me what happened, I didn’t believe them. There was no way my father was sick and didn’t tell me. I was in a state of denial for hours after the news, I sat in the hospital waiting room for my dad to walk through those doors to tell me everything was alright and it was just a normal check up. 

Noah had to force me out of the chair after three hours of waiting for a ghost. 

“Y/N, he’s not coming back,” Noah’s eyes shined with his tears as he lifted me up from my seated position. “I’m sorry, angel. But we can’t keep sitting here.”

I choked on a breath causing Noah to turn his head towards me but I refused to meet his gaze knowing that if I did, all of my strong reserve would crumble the second I drank in those almond eyes. Instead, I burned all of my hate down at the open grave, desperately wishing the dirt would cover the oak box that was six feet deep. He cheated death before but now it was real.

My dad was buried in a box because the cancer couldn’t stop. 

“Would his daughter like to say a few words?” 

Noah shifted beside me, the softest of breezes we felt for the first time all afternoon blowing through his unkempt hair and through the muted feeling coursing through me, I felt his fingers link with mine. 

“We can keep going,” he answered for me. 

I didn’t say a word all morning while getting ready for my dad’s funeral. I was in a catatonic state of numbness in a way to mentally prepare myself. It wasn’t until Noah and I were sitting in the rental car outside of the cemetery as we waited for the funeral home to arrive with my dad’s body that I finally spoke. 

“Please don’t make me say anything today. He won’t be able to hear me,” I kept my eyes trained hard outside of the window, not bothering to glance towards Noah who sat in the driver's seat. 

His tattooed fingers wrapped around my wrist. “Whatever you want, angel.”

As the funeral continued on, I felt Noah’s strong arms wrap around my shoulder and pulled me into his warm chest. The dress I wore did nothing to keep the warmth inside of me with the short sleeves even after Noah asked me three times before we left this morning if I wanted a jacket. 

“Please take all the time you need to say your goodbyes,” the man from the funeral home said. “Miss. Y/L/N, is there somewhere you would like everyone to meet you for the wake?” 

Right, the wake. Another name for an after party where you’re supposed to celebrate the life the deceased lived. 

Or as I called it, another bullshit reason for people to act like they knew my dad. 

Chase, who stood on the other side of me, cleared his throat. “Feel free to head on home after this. We decided not to have a wake.”

A round of gasps rose from the group of people standing around the now filling grave. “Dear, you need to have a wake! It’s what your father would want!” 

My head snapped up towards the older woman who hid beneath an excessively large hat. I think she was in one of my fathers book clubs. Through the bloodshot eyes, I sliced her in half with my gaze and my throat burned as I tried not to cry.

“You have no idea what my dad would have wanted,” I snapped. 

Noah hushed me by dragging his lips into my hairline and running a hand up and down my arm. 

“It’s alright, angel. Just breathe.”

Malcolm gave an apologetic smile to everyone before bidding them all a goodbye with a curt nod. Slowly, everyone who didn’t matter dispersed and I was left with the ones that did. 

Noah continued to hold me to his chest as the sobs began to fall through my lips, and I grasped onto his jacket to find some sort of anchor. 

Chase and Malcolm solemnly stood on my right with their hands deep in their pockets. Besides me, they were the only other ones here that actually knew my dad. He loved Chase and Malcolm like they were his own sons so I knew they were hurting deep down as well. 

Jesse, Matt, Faye, and Michael all stood on the other end of the grave. I could feel their looks of sorrow as it bounced from the filled grave back to me. 

Jolly, Astrid, Folio, and Nicholas were behind me, closing ranks almost in a way to shield me from any other bad thing that threatened my life. 

Since it was so last minute, some of the rest of the crew couldn’t fly out but I didn’t hold it against them. It was unknown how long we would be here for so between Tay, Bryan, and Davis they all offered to take turns with watching Salem. 

“Can heaven fall to earth?” I cried into Noah’s shirt. “I want to feel it come down. I need him.” 

Noah let out a shaky breath, resting his chin on top of my head as he rocked me slowly. He didn’t say anything for a long moment, just let me stain his shirt with my tears, and it wasn’t until I saw Chase’s striking blue eyes that I realized the sun had set and the moon was starting to crest over the hills, gray lights breaking through the cherry blossom trees. 

“I don’t want to rush you, sweets,” he gave me a somber smile. “But I think they’re going to close the gates soon.” 

Blinking rapidly, I looked around at all my friends; my family. They dropped everything to be here for me and most of them never met my dad. However my heart was too broken to care. At that moment, I wanted to be alone with my dad. I didn’t even want Noah. I tried to push him away the first few days but he refused, he wouldn’t let me be alone during this.

While everyone went back to their hotel rooms, we would be going back to my dad’s house again. His scent still lingered in the aged walls and I swore the first few nights we slept in the guest room, I could hear his footsteps in the hallway. I expected to see him sitting in the old and faded green reading chair in the corner of the living room with either a book or the paper in his lap. Instead I woke up to an empty house. 

Well, almost empty. 

“Did you want a few minutes alone?” Noah asked. 

Finally looking up at him through the tears, I shook my head. “Can we please go back?” 

His face was contorted with his own pain yet still managed to give me that smile I loved. “Anything you want, angel.”

While they all conversed about possibly meeting up for breakfast in the morning, my mind was elsewhere. All of my thoughts were in the dark recesses of my mind and I let them take me further and further. I didn’t want to find a way out. 

I wanted to be with my dad. 

With Noah’s gentle tug on my shoulder, I let him lead me back towards the rental car, still in a state of dissociation. I didn’t even realize he helped me into the seat, buckled my seat belt, and drove off from the cemetery until we were minutes away from my dads place. 

“Y/N?” 

Feeling like it weighed like a bag of rocks, I raised my head up from staring at my dry knuckles and over towards the concerning eyes of Noah. 

“Hm?” 

Words couldn’t even form on my tongue. I was too far deep in my grief and the idea of talking was too much of a task.

“Are you hungry? I can stop by that ramen place, if you want.”

Noah flicked his eyes back on the road as he sat straight up against the seat but I knew with the way his jaw ticked, something was weighing heavily on him. It wasn't a secret that he was keeping how he felt with everything to himself and the little voice inside my brain was screaming at me to talk with him, work out how both of us were feeling. 

Instead, I gave him a very weak shrug before turning to look out the window, the scenery whipping past us. It was all a blur of colors, unimaginative and unappealing. When we arrived back to my dad’s place, I barely gave Noah a smile as he opened the door for me and when I stepped into the darkness of the somewhat empty home, I made a beeline towards the guest bedroom on the far end of the hallway, not bothering to look at the envelope with my name on it on the kitchen counter or the 10lbs fluff ball that happily wagged its tail at my feet when he saw us. 

Like I’d done the last four days, I locked myself inside of the guest room and buried myself underneath the mounds of blankets. There was a lot of work to get done with packing up my dad’s place but it didn’t matter to me. Nothing mattered anymore. The only thing that did was rotting in the earth's soil. 

NOAH

"Angel?" I called out into the cold darkness. 

Stepping into the now familiar house, I shook the chilled rain from my jacket and hung it up on the hook next to the door. The aged wood of the floor creaked beneath my feet as I padded across it, after kicking off my shoes. There was a faint glow emanating from the lamp in the living room, casting my surroundings in a muted yellow as I set down the takeout bag on the counter. 

Not like she would eat. She hasn't eaten anything in days.

The two envelopes had sat in the same spot on the kitchen counter since we first arrived eight days ago; untouched. One with Y/N’s name and one with mine. She refused to touch it or even look at it because she knew what it was. 

A letter from her dad. 

I didn’t force her to read it knowing she needed the time to accept everything beforehand. Yet deep down, I was so afraid that the walls Y/N had made in her mind had locked her in. We weren’t okay but for now, I needed to try my best to just pretend.

Jingling tags caught my attention and I bent low at the knees just as Kuma met me halfway. He was Y/N’s dad’s three month old Akita puppy. From when he died to when we arrived three days later, one of his friends had been taking care of the dog but I offered to take over in Kuma’s care. 

Y/N wanted nothing to do with him. 

“We’ll take him to the shelter before we leave.”

“Hey bud,” I smiled while scratching behind his ears. “Did you get dinner yet?” 

Kuma let out a bark, quiet and squeaky, and he shook out his fur. He was all black with a white spot around one eye and on one paw. 

After filling up his bowl with food and water, I brushed my hands on the back of my dress slacks and let out a long breath. Earlier today, Y/N had a meeting with some lawyers to figure out her dad’s estate and what to do with the rest of his money. It was stated in his will that she had the final say on what to do with his things and that she was entitled to all of his savings. Y/N was never hurting financially since Hollow Souls was thriving but now with the extra money, she’d be able to live comfortably without worry. Thankfully in the divorce, it was made clear that her mom would not get a cent of her dads money when he passed. 

Y/N had yet to decide what she wanted to do with all of her fathers things. As soon as we both arrived back earlier, she yet again locked herself in the guest room. 

The house, while it was unfamiliar at first, I knew that the bones of the structure told a story; one of a man that loved his daughter very much and wished he was able to say goodbye. My socks slid against the floor as I followed the soft tune of music from the guest bedroom, passing the one room that had remained shut since we arrived a week ago; her refusing to open it. 

Her dad’s bedroom.

"Y/N?" I tried again, hoping now that I was closer to the bedroom she'd be able to hear me. "I brought some ramen from the place down the road. Your favorite."

The only thing I heard was the same tune of music, louder now. 

"I'm sorry I can't get out of bed. I'm sorry that my head’s always a mess." 

Joe. His song, I’m sorry. I’m trying, was one of her favorites. 

Y/N had been playing the same nothing, nowhere song the entire afternoon, drowning in his melodies when I left her earlier after our disagreement. I knew she wasn't in the right headspace with what she tried so I couldn't hold it against her. But there was no way I could do what she asked. 

Not now. 

"Noah, please," her hands reached for my shirt, trying to pry it away from my skin. "I just need five minutes."

"Y/N," I tenderly held onto her wrists, halting her. "You're not in the right mind for this." 

She wrenched her hands from my grip and knelt on the bed, grasping the waistband of my dress pants, and began pulling them down. I fought against her as her hand slipped between my briefs and took a hold of my cock, squeezing it. 

"Make me forget this pain, Noah. Please."

Y/N attacked my lips with hers and for a brief moment, I sunk into the way she felt against me, her fingers gathering the precum from my cock, smearing it over the head. I shook in her touch as my mouth moved against hers. It had been so long since we were intimate, almost two weeks, and my soul had yearned for hers wanting to feel complete again. 

But I knew this wasn't the right time. She was using me as an outlet for the pain she hid behind the smile on her face.  

"This isn't right, angel," I gently pushed her away but kept a hold on her face. "I won't take advantage of you when you're like this." 

Bloodshot and broken eyes stared up at me, soulless and lifeless, before she pushed me away to burrow herself under the covers again; where she'd been every day since the funeral.

Knocking on the open door, I peered inside expecting to see Y/N lying in bed where I left her but my heart stalled in my chest at the sight. The world came to a standstill as every single one of my senses was on high alert, panicked eyes dragging across every inch of empty space. 

Shattered glass spilled onto the floor from the trail that began in the adjacent bathroom and that was when I noticed the mirror had been broken. I did my best to tiptoe around the shards as I peered into the shower, hoping to see Y/N. 

“Angel?” My voice shook with fear, wondering what the hell happened in the twenty minutes I was gone. 

Running a frantic hand through my soaked hair from the earlier rain, I scanned the room once more and made the decision to go search the rest of the house when I froze. Choking on a breath, I gingerly reached for a piece of paper stained with blood that lay on the torn up bed. It was from Y/N’s lyric journal. I only knew that because of the older writings from You and I. 

Yet, it was the fresh ink that made my heart drop to the depths of my stomach, the sound of crinkling paper overpowering the music in the desolate room. 

I’m sorry. I can’t keep trying. 

JESSE

“What is going on?” I asked while pushing through the already open door, Michael following close behind.

Malcolm was trying his best to calm an erratic Noah, who wouldn’t stop pacing the room, drowning in the rainwater that clung to his shivering body. Chase was sitting on the couch with a relaxed Kuma laying in lap, while he was not. He had his phone pressed to his ear only to curse before redialling a number. 

“I have to get back out there!” 

Noah tried to push past Malcolm, only for him to shove him back. 

“Dude, look at you! You're soaked and shivering! It’s pouring outside, you need to dry off before you catch pneumonia,” Malcolm angrily threw his auburn curls up into a messy bun.

Noah’s eyes narrowed at him. “It’s Y/N! I need to find her!” 

About twenty minutes ago, Noah had called my phone in a frenzied state, rambling on about how Y/N is missing and he spent the last hour out in the rain looking for her. While everyone else had flown back home a few days ago, me, Michael, Chase and Malcolm hung back just in case Noah or Y/N needed anything. 

Suddenly, I was very thankful we did. 

“You tried, Noah! You were out in the rain for an hour. Chase had to drag you back inside,” Malcolm’s voice was raised but not nearly as high as Noah’s. 

“Fuck you!” Noah cursed, finally brushing past Malcolm, only to be stopped by Michale and I as we made a barrier in front of the door. 

I crossed my arms over my chest and shook my head. 

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me what the hell is going on,” I said as calmly as I could. 

I’d known Noah for years, lived with him just as long, and I also knew that the only way to reason with his stubbornness was with your own calm stubbornness. 

He tried to break through our barrier but Michael laid a firm hand on his chest, stopping him. 

“Y/N’s gone!” Noah exasperated while throwing a hand in the direction of the door. “There’s broken glass in the bedroom and she left me a note. I have to find her!”

I’d never seen him in this kind of state. His hair was a wild mess, even from the rain. His eyes were wild and bloodshot, showing he’d been crying. His lips were blue from how cold he was. But worst of all was the look of pure failure on his face. 

“You didn’t fail her, Noah,” I sighed while dropping my arms. 

He blinked. “I-I-fuck!” 

Michael stepped forward and rested two hands on Noah’s shoulders. “Look at me.” 

When he refused, Michael gripped Noah’s chin, forcing him. 

“You. Did. Not. Fail. Her.” Michael blew out his own shaky breath, it was killing both of us to see our friend like this. 

So broken. 

So defeated. 

I rarely ever saw Noah like this, the only times I knew of him having a panic attack, it was always Nicholas there to help him through it. But now, it was us. 

He let out an unsettling sob before he fell to his knees, letting out an earth shattering scream. All four of us watched him for a moment, allowing him to release the pent up frustration and anger he felt from the past week. Noah had held it together for Y/N, being there to catch her when she fell from her dad’s death, whereas no one had been there for him. He’d found himself in a deep hell and now, he woke up screaming with the realization that all he’d done to protect Y/N was for not. 

Noah was on his knees, body shivering from the chilled rain and now his cries, so I tentatively knelt in front of him. 

“Come on,” I spoke gingerly while placing my hands underneath his arms, ready to hoist him up. 

“She left me,” he sobbed, grabbing a hold of my shirt and was met with eyes filled with heartache. “She fucking left me. Again!”

Glancing over to Malcolm with narrowed eyes from underneath my hat, I waited for him to give me some sort of indication that Y/N had in fact not left Noah in that way; all she needed was some time to herself. 

Malcolm shared a look with Chase, who in turn shook his head. “She wouldn’t leave him. We all know that.” 

But I didn’t miss the hesitation in his voice.

“There’s this fucking hole in my heart, Jesse!” Noah pounded his chest. “It’s that stupid shit Jolly always talked about, the soulmate crap. Y/N feels so far away and my soul is crying for her. It needs to find her because it can’t survive without her. After everything we’ve gone through, she still fucking left me. Why did she push me away? I was here for her, did she not realize that? I’d give up everything for her. But she just threw it all away!”

Noah was rambling a bunch of nonsense now, we all knew that. He didn’t mean any of it. Y/N and Noah’s love was pure as a fresh flower bud, trying to push through the heavy soil that dampred its growth. But once their souls find each other again, their love will be able to break through and flourish. 

Like it always did. 

“Come on,” I repeated again, this time now bringing Noah to his feet, albeit his head still hung low. “This is what you’re going-Noah, look at me.”

Reluctantly, he lifted his head. 

“You’re going to take a shower, try to eat something, and sit your ass on that couch. Snuggle up with Kuma. Write out your feelings. Play guitar. Mediate. Whatever fucking helps you calm down. Because when I find Y/N and bring her back, you need to have a clear head.”

Something flickered behind those dull eyes and I wiped away those lingering tears. 

“I promise you. I will find her and bring her back, alright?” 

When Noah didn’t say anything, I tapped his cheek with my hand causing him to grumble a few curses under his breath. 

“You didn’t have to smack me, asshole,” he rubbed at his face with the smallest of smiles. 

Feeling the grip of anxiety loosen a bit, I let out a long breath and nodded. Trying to pull Noah out of this current state wasn’t helping my own anxiety but I tried my best to not slip into that familiar feeling of dread. Noah needed all of us to be strong. 

“Micheal and I will go out to look for Y/N. You stay here with Chase and Malcolm, in case she comes back. 

As we took two steps towards the front door, Malcolm stopped me with a grip on my elbow, stopping me. Chase was keeping Noah preoccupied by forcing him to snuggle with Kuma. There was an immense fear clouding his emerald eyes as he ran a hand over his face. 

“Do you have any idea where to start?” He asked. 

I zipped up my jacket with a sigh. “Not a fucking clue. Her dad’s grave is too far on foot. The rental car is still here. Unless she took a cab.”

“There’s one place no one knows about, besides me,” Malcolm admitted while shifting on his feet. 

Michael slinked up beside me. “You’re just saying this now?!” 

I placed a hand on his chest, feeling his anger radiate into the air around us. We all were doing our best to remain in control but deep down, we were afraid for Y/N. 

“I didn’t think of it until now,” Malcolm sucked in a breath while averting his gaze for a few beats before locking it with mine. “There’s this garden about two blocks from here. Y/N and her dad went every morning when we were here last. It was where she had that conversation with her dad about Noah. Where he told her to go for it.”

With a reassuring squeeze on his shoulder, Michael and I quickly left the house and into the rain towards the car. Following Malcolm’s instructions, Michael drove towards the garden and as we pulled up to an empty lot, I did my best to look through the windshield while the sky opened up with even more rain. 

“Shit. We’re going to have probably split up to find her. This place is huge,” Michael noted. 

Suddenly, I remembered something from the one Hollow Souls live streams Noah and I watched together years ago. A fan asked her where she liked to go when she needed time to think.

"Oh, that's easy," she answered with zero hesitation. "The rooftop of the venue we’re playing or the rooftop of my apartment. I love looking out at the vastness of the city almost like I'm Zeus staring down at all the other DemiGods."

“You stay in the car, make sure it’s warm. I have an idea where she’d be,” I said before leaving the car and gazed through the onslaught of the current storm. 

Thunder shook my bones as I ran through the garden looking for any kind of rooftop that Y/N could be sitting on. Minutes whizzed by as I stood there shivering, ready to give up hope, I saw the smallest of movements in the quick break of rain. There, less than ten feet in front of me, was Y/N sitting on top of a pergola with her knees pulled to her chest. 

“How the hell did she get up there?” I muttered to myself before taking off my hat to shake out the water from my curls. 

With a grunt, I willed my body up the scaffolding of the pergola and nearly slipped with how wet it was. 

This has to be illegal, right? Am I going to get thrown in jail for this? Is this disrespectful? Oh man, I’m going to get haunted by some kind of ghost. 

My knees shook when I stood to full height on the roof just as the storm started again. 

“Y/N!” I yelled over the thunder. 

Her head whipped up from being buried in her hands and the sight before me shattered me. Her eyes were red and puffy, her lips blue from the outside chill, and worst of all was the look that mirrored Noah’s. 

Failure. 

“J-Jesse?” She choked on her words. “Wha-? How did you find me?” 

I extended a hand towards her. “Come on, let’s get you somewhere warm and dry.” 

Y/N frantically shook her hair, the wet strands of hair sticking to her face. “I can’t go back there, please don’t make me. I-I-can’t.”

Quickly, I had her in my arms as I sat next to her, feeling her body trembling against me; not sure if it was from the rain or the sobs that controlled her. Even though we were drenched, neither of us moved. 

“Sweetheart,” I cooed in her ear. “It’s alright.” 

Y/N latched onto me. “N-no, it’s not. Everything is so fucked up! My dad is buried in the ground and it’s all my fault.”

This time, I forced those broken eyes to look at me. 

“How is his death your fault, Y/N?” 

“He’d been calling me for weeks,” her bottom lip trembled. “Weeks! I ignored him because I was too caught up in my life and didn’t want to disturb it.” 

“Disturb it, how?” My brows furrowed. 

Droplets of rain fell from the rim of my hat, splashing down onto her lap along with her tears. 

“I was caught up in the bliss of everything; Noah, Hollow Souls, just life in general. I was afraid that he’d bring the same drama my mom had. All I wanted was to keep the bubble around me, protecting me from it all,” she cast her eyes down, ashamed. 

I brought her closer to me when I felt her shivering more now and rested my chin on top of her head. 

“Your dad has never been that way, sweetheart. You know that,” I reminded her. 

She wiped her nose against my shirt but I couldn’t be bothered. 

“I think deep down I knew something was wrong with him. The cough he had lasted way too long but I kept telling him to get it checked out. I thought he was ignoring me. So I guess I got tired of pushing something on him when he didn’t want it. Subconsciously, I began pushing myself away hoping he’d realize how upset I was with him not getting himself checked out, when in reality-.”

Her words trailed off, unable to finish, but she didn’t have too. I knew what Y/N was going to say. 

“He fought for his life as long as he could, sweetheart. I promise you that he never meant to leave you like this,” I assured her.

“Why did he have to die? My dad left me broken and alone with a long life,” her voice was muffled against my chest. 

I rubbed circles against her back, feeling the indents of bones against my palm and it was then I realized how drastically her dad’s death affected her. Noah mentioned that Y/N stopped eating days ago and with the dark circles under her eyes, it was evident she hadn’t been sleeping either. Shew was skin and bones, starved for the light of the everglow.

“I miss him so much, Jesse. I want him back with me. I went to his grave first to scream at him for leaving me like this. Digging in the dirt hoping he would resurface. All of the light is gone, just darkness. My body is numb with coming undone. Why did it have to be him?” 

I lifted her legs so she could sit completely in my lap. “Your dad loved you so much, Y/N. I know you’re hurting right now and it’s going to take some time to get rid of that anger but it’s normal. I know you're tired now but you can't keep running because you’re terrified you won't see your dad on the other side. The only thing you have to remember is to not let that anger consume you and destroy everything good in your life. You cannot let it overcome the light.” 

She sniffled and nodded. “I know. I pushed away so many of you, ignoring everyone. Astrid has been texting me wondering how I am but I don’t know what to say because I just don’t understand how I should feel. Chase and Malcolm have tried to get me out of my dad’s house the last few days but I leave them on read because I’m so tired. It physically hurts me to move out of bed.”

The rain began to let up as Y/N took a deep breath, it was unsteady and broken. 

“Noah,” she cried. “Fuck. Noah. I kept pushing him away when all he has done is take care of me!” 

She pushed away from me with a start. “Oh my god, Jesse! I left him. I promised him I would never leave him like that again but I did! He must hate me, I can’t believe-.”

I gently cupped her cheeks, brushing away the tears, and she was cold to the touch, falling alone like snow. 

“Hey, stop. Noah does not hate you. He’s worried about you. He spent the last two hours out in the rain searching for you. If anything Y/N, you scared the shit out of him. But he doesn’t hate you.” 

Her shoulders fell. “I left behind such a mess. I can’t imagine what was going through his mind when he saw the glass in the bedroom.”

“What exactly happened?” I wondered. 

Y/N gnawed on her bottom lip, ripping away the dead skin. “I felt disgusted for what I tried to do to Noah. I almost forced him to take advantage of me because I needed to forget about this pain. How could I have done that?” 

I didn’t answer, simply let her continue on. “I found myself staring at my reflection with revulsion so I punched the mirror. It shattered everywhere and I sliced my hand pretty good.” 

Tenderly turning it over in my hand, I cringed when I saw the various cuts along her knuckles. Faintly, I could see dirt underneath her fingernails and my heart sank with the image of her digging at her fathers grave. The blood had been washed away from the rain but I knew that her hand needed to be bandaged up in case the wounds opened up again. 

“Sweetheart, you weren’t in the right headspace. Noah would never hold any of this against you. He loves you, he just wants you back safely with him.” 

Dull eyes stared up at me. “I owe him an apology.” 

“Why don’t we get you back to the house first, yeah?” I suggested just as the rain began to slow. 

Y/N didn’t say anything, only nodded, which was enough to raise her up with me just like I had done to Noah before. 

“Jesse?”

Her voice was meek as she reached for my arms, holding onto them with all her might. 

“Hm?” I hummed. 

Our gazes locked for a long beat and gradually the light that was Y/N began to shine through the clouds that blocked her mind. 

“I love you. Thank you for being here,” she wrapped her arms around me in a vice grip, nearly knocking me off my feet. 

With a quiet laugh, I kissed the top of her head in the way a brother would his little sister. 

“I love you too, kid.” 

Playfully, she pushed me away. “Kid? You’re only four years older than me.” 

With a shrug, I then helped her down the rooftop of the pergola and once we were back on solid ground, Michael came running up to us nearly knocking Y/N to the ground now when he wrapped his arms around her. 

“Don’t ever do that again, Y/N! You scared the shit out of everyone!” he chastised her once her feet were stable on the concrete again. 

She cupped his cheek. “I’m sorry. I never meant too. I was lost and needed to try and find myself.” 

Michael nodded in her embrace. “You’re like a sister to me, to all of us. When you’re hurting, we all are. We just want to make sure you’re alright.” 

“I know. I am now.” 

Tears pooled in her eyes before Michael wrapped her underneath his arm and began leading her back to the car, me following close behind. But upon closer inspection of Y/N, I noticed something peculiar. 

“Y/N?” I pulled them to a stop. “Where’s your shoe?” 

She pursed her lips as a red hue covered her cheeks and looked down at the foot that didn’t have a shoe covering it. “Oh, well-uh-I tripped while running from the cemetery to this garden and it fell down a sewer drain; along with my phone.”

Michael and I shared a look before we burst out into a fit of laughter, us doubling over. Y/N rested her hands on her hips with the hope to be upset with us finding the whole thing hilarious, until her own laughter filled the air thick with humidity due to the previous storm. 

With every precious laughter that emanated from Y/N, it was as if her soul was beginning to glow bright again. The light around her halo flickering back to life as the sun broke through the clouds; a sign from somewhere that everything would be alright.

NOAH

My mind was a mess of emotions, all leading me to think of the worst things of what happened to Y/N. Most of all, it demanded that I push past Chase who’d been guarding the door to find her myself. Jesse and Michael had been gone for quite some time, meaning they had yet to find her. I’d been so worried about her that I had yet to change out of my still soaked clothes that had barely dried, much to the dismay of Malcolm who continued to mutter under his breath that I was leaving puddles all over the floor.

It would be better if I went out there again. Maybe this time I could go a different route and-.

Suddenly the front door clicked open causing me and Kuma to pause our pacing of the floor and through the hazy vision of tears, I watched as Michael walked in, followed by Jesse who was holding a shivering Y/N against him. The sight of her like that stole all the air from my lungs as I let out a choked breath, the vice grip that was entangled around my heart from the moment I read the note finally began to loosen and we both stood there for a beat of silence, simply staring at one another. 

Kuma barked happily before trotting over to Y/N, pawing at her leg yet her eyes never left mine.

I swallowed the burn in my throat while blinking away the tears and then all at once, we both ran to each other and as soon as our souls connected, it felt like the earth shifted around us. All evening while she’d been gone, the earth was off its axis but now that Y/N was in my arms again, all was right in our universe. 

“Angel,” I brushed away the hair from her face. “Are you alright?” 

She nodded, her bottom lip caught between her teeth, and she slipped her shivering hands underneath my shirt to claw at the skin of my back. 

“I am so fucking sorry for walking out like that. We promised each other we wouldn’t, we would talk about things, but I broke that promise and I’m so sorry. I couldn’t keep trying, I felt like I was failing everyone, especially myself. I-I-couldn’t do it anymore.”

“It’s okay, angel. Just breathe. You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I���ve got you now. You’re back. You came back,” I assured her while cupping her cheeks. 

Those eyes I loved so much were wet with tears as her bottom lip trembled with her sobs. 

“I’ll always come back to you, Noah. Always,” she vowed with a graze of her lips across my jaw.

Reluctantly, I let her slip from my embrace to allow Chase and Malcolm to check her over while I brought Jesse and Michael in for a tight hug, thanking them for bringing her back to me. Soon, the four of them left, leaving Y/N and I alone with Kuma who continued to paw at her leg. 

“He was worried too,” I motioned to the dog. 

She bent low to her knees to scoop up Kuma, holding his warmth to her chest. “I’m sorry I scared you sweet baby. I’m sure Noah took good care of you.”

While she didn’t change her mind about taking the dog to the shelter once we leave, it still warmed my heart to see that she was now warming up to Kuma. 

Speaking of warming up.

“Let’s go take a shower before we both get sick,” I said while linking fingers with her to lead her to the bathroom. 

“I should clean up the glass,” she sighed as we stepped through the door of the bedroom but was shocked to see it already clean. 

“Chase,” I informed. “It helped him to keep his mind focused on something other than where you were.” 

She hummed while resting her chin on my bicep to gaze up at me. “I scared all of you, huh?” 

I brushed a kiss across her forehead. “All that matters is that you’re back, angel.”

While the shower warmed up, steam slowly filling up the small space, I helped Y/N out of her clothes as it clung to her like a second skin and she did the same for me. Her nails dragged over the tattoos on my chest, down my abdomen, over to my arms and I shivered under her caress. When I took a hold of her hands, I frowned seeing the dirt under her nails and the scabbed over cuts along her knuckles. 

Not saying a word, I placed my hands on her hips and brought her into the shower with me. The warm water immediately ease away the chill that hung to our bones as I switched out positions so Y/N was directly underneath the spray. Her head tilted back, exposing her neck to me, and she let out a soft moan; the noise causing my cock to twitch. I ignored the fire burning in my gut though to reach beside Y/N and grabbed her shampoo bottle. 

My fingers worked the shampoo through the dark strands of her hair, working out whatever knots she received from the rain. She hummed as I massaged her scalp and kept her hands low on my hips, bringing us closer together. The only sounds were the water running over our bodies, down to the drain beneath our feet, and her soft giggles as I dragged my fingers down over her neck. Reaching up now, I pulled the shower head off of its hook and tilted her head back a bit further so I could rinse all of the soap out of her hair. As the conditioner sat for a few minutes longer than the shampoo did, I quickly stepped out of the shower to rummage around in the drawers of the vanity, water droplets splashing to the tiled floor. 

“Mochi! You’re getting water all over the floor!” 

Ignoring her scolding, I stood back in the shower and held her hand in one of mine, the other with a grip on a pointed nail file. 

“Oh, a manicure?” She teased. 

Giving her a playful glare, I began using the sharp end of the file to dig out the dirt underneath her nails as she stood there, watching. I didn’t need her to tell me what happened as I had a pretty good guess. 

Once the dirt was clean from her nails, I set the file down on the shelf in the shower and went about rinsing the conditioner from her hair before washing her body, taking my time around her most sensitive parts. As much as I wanted to feel her body against mine in that way, it wasn't needed tonight. We needed to come together in a different way. 

After Y/N was clean, she motioned for me to switch with her and now it was her turn to wash me. Although, watching as she tried to reach for my hair with soap all over her hands was a cute sight so I got on my knees, eye level with her stomach. While she washed my hair, I dragged a hand up and down her thigh, feeling the skin prickle from my touch. 

“You need a haircut,” she noted. 

I hummed in agreement, the noise rumbling in my chest, and I peered up at her. “It’s almost back to the wolf cut length.” 

“I wouldn’t be opposed to it,” Y/N shrugged while rinsing the conditioner from my hair and tapped my shoulder so I could rise to my feet. 

While resting on one knee, I paused for a moment as the now lukewarm water ran down both of us, and took in the sight of her. What used to be broken and dull had drastically changed in a matter of minutes. Thoughts of our redo date came fluttering to the forefront of my mind as I remained on one knee, the question I’d be desperate to ask weighing heavy on my tongue now. But internally I shook my head, knowing that it wasn’t the right time. It would have to wait until I received a sign. 

Instead, I pushed myself up to my feet so Y/N could wash my body and as her hand grazed over my cock, I let my forehead fall to her shoulder. It had been so long since she touched me like this, the moment earlier today nothing compared to now. Earlier it was distressed but now, her touch was fuelled with the need to feel me against her; prove to her that her soul wasn’t dead inside. 

“Y/N,” I panted when her fingers wrapped around me, pumping my cock slowly. “I-shit.”

I craved her like an addiction and I was ready to let go, allowing us to fall together as we always did. Only we were interrupted by rapid barking and scratching at the bathroom door, causing Y/N to shake with laughter. 

“Kuma probably needs dinner,” I grumbled. 

“Dinner actually sounds good right now. I’m starving,” Y/N pressed a kiss to my lips, one I wasn’t quite ready to let go of yet. 

Brushing my tongue along her bottom lip, I devoured them with my own starvation. Her hands linked behind my necks and she stood on her toes to lean into me even more. Everything around us fell away and my heart beat was almost non existence as it was whenever we kissed. I found myself becoming lost in her aura, dragged deep within the depths exactly like the moment our fates were sealed that very first time our eyes locked.  

I kept reaching for her, any inch of skin my nails could dig into to bring her closer to me. I needed to feel her heart against mine, syncing our heartbeats together, and she moaned into the kiss, it quickly being swallowed by my tongue. 

“I love you,” I breathed as we pulled away. 

Y/N pulled me in for another kiss, almost as if it was breathing life back into her and she needed more. Her lips captured the water hanging on my bottom lip and I nearly folded in her embrace. 

“I love you too, Noah. I’m sorry my grief caused me to pull away from you. You didn’t deserve that side of me,” her voice quavered. 

I twirled her hair between my fingers with a small smile. “What is grief if not love persevering.”

READER

Blowing my nose into the Kleenex, I wrapped my dad’s cardigan closer to my body as I dragged my slippers down the long hallway back towards the kitchen where I heard Noah rummaging around in the cupboards, most likely feeding Kuma. 

“Hi sweet boy,” I murmured while reaching down and petting him between the ears. 

“Hi yourself,” Noah smirked before setting the full bowl in front of Kuma. 

When he noticed the sweater, he raised a brow and I shrugged. “It’s my dad’s. It still smells like him.”

With a kiss to the side of my head, Noah then motioned to the couch in the living room. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Actually,” I nibbled on my lips, trying to find the courage to do something that had been plaguing me the second we stepped foot into my dads house all those days ago. “I want to read my dad’s letter. I think we both should read them, if you want to.”

Noah paused, wiping down the counter, mere inches from the two letters that remained untouched, and his face gave nothing away. It made me nervous that I might have pushed something on him that he wasn’t ready for. I know it surprised both of us that my dad left a letter to not only me, but Noah as well. 

“Should we read them together?” He tentatively reached for the letters and handed mine toward me. 

Holding it close to my chest, I nodded back down the hallway. “I think-I think I’m going to read it in my dad’s room.”

Something flickered in his eyes as he tapped his letter on the inside of his hand. “Whatever you want, angel.”

After leaving him and Kuma together on the couch, I stood outside the door to my fathers room and with a few deep breaths, I gripped the handle and slowly pushed it open. The room was cloaked in darkness, the moonlight barely breaking through the curtains that covered both sets of windows, so I clicked on the light. I blinked a few times before taking in the sight of his room. It was exactly how I remembered it from the last time I visited him; even his bed was made and untouched. Until I slipped underneath the blankets, his scent wrapping around me in a tight embrace. 

Taking a deep breath, I opened up the envelope to pull out the letter, my dad’s familiar hand writing drawing a choked sob from my lips. There’d been a reason why I’d been putting off reading the letter because it meant that he was actually gone. But now, I needed to know what he said. 

Buttercup, 

If you’re reading this it means that I’m gone. I am so sorry you had to find out this way that I was sick but I didn’t want you to worry about me. Your life is flourishing with Hollow Souls and Noah, the last thing you needed was to worry. I am so proud of the woman you’ve grown into even if I did have to watch from afar after the divorce. Please know I never held your choice of staying with your mother against you. I understood why you felt the need too but I am glad that you still kept your relationship with me. You will forever be my little girl. My buttercup. 

Speaking of relationships, make sure to hold that Noah boy close because from what I’ve seen and heard, he loves you very much. You need someone in your life that will take care of you and will cherish all the moments you two share. I knew from the moment I saw that video of you two performing on stage together a couple years ago that he was in love with you. He’s a good man, buttercup. Don’t let him go.

Although, I am still shocked about Chase and Malcolm. Were they together when you visited last? All is well, I suppose. Good for them. 

Now, if you’re in my house reading this, that means you’ve met Kuma. He’s a three month old Akita puppy and shouldn’t grow to be more than 40 lbs, at least that's what the guy at the shelter told me. I adopted him as a way to celebrate beating cancer the first time around but now that it’s back and spread to seventy percent of my body, I think it’s best if Kuma goes home with you and Noah. Hopefully he won't be too much of a nuisance to Salem but I have a feeling they’ll get along well. 

Please don’t let the grief of my passing overcome you, buttercup. Don’t let the anger consume you to do something drastic. Your heart is too pure for that. Lean on others as they are there to help you. Remember me in the way I would sit in the chair in the living room, my glasses nearly falling off my nose, as I buried it into a book. Or the time we went to that manga shop down the road and you swore one of the characters looked like Noah, if he had his hair that length. Although, now I bet he does since his hair is shorter than the last time. 

Does that length bother him? Or was he able to go on stage all those times with his hair down to his back? Was he not sweating? 

Anyway, I’m rambling, even in a letter. But before I end it, I wanted to say how much I love you and will always be proud of you for whatever you accomplish with your life. Hollow Souls has come back from the brink of collapse after you kicked out that asshole, pardon my language, and you’ve proven to everyone that this is your band. This is what you were made for, buttercup. Continue to light up the world around you and don’t let anyone dull your light. 

I’ll be with you in spirit, Y/N. Please don’t ever forget that. 

Take care of yourself, Kuma, and Noah. Because that man will do whatever it takes to keep you happy. You’re the one for him, buttercup. 

I’ll be shining light on your path and remember, it can’t rain all the time.

Love, Dad xx. 

My sobs echoed throughout the quiet space of the bedroom as I read the letter again and again, imagining my dad sitting at the desk across from me, pen scratching against paper. 

“I miss you so fucking much, dad,” I cried out while holding the paper against my chest. 

I wasn’t sure how much time had passed or if Noah was finished reading his letter because as I lay under the covers of my dad’s bed, I let the familiar feeling of his spirit around me lull me into a much needed slumber that was long overdue.

NOAH

As I lay on the couch with Kuma snoring next to me, I scratched at his belly with one hand while the other worked out a text message to Jesse and Michael. 

To Roommates: 

Me: I hope you guys know Kuma is coming home with us. 

Michael: We had a feeling so we sent Tay out to pick up whatever things you guys would need. 

Jesse: My girlfriend was very excited to go shopping for not only Kuma but Salem as well. I guess she bought him a lot of toys and maybe a cat condo that I have no idea where we’re going to go with it.

I chuckled at the picture Jesse sent next of Salem on top of the new cat condo that stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room. 

Me: I never thought I’d miss Salem this much. 

Michael: Honestly, me too.

Jesse: How’s Y/N?

Me: Good, really good. She fell asleep in her dad’s bed. I peaked in on her a bit ago. I’m going to let her sleep there tonight. We’ve got a long day tomorrow of packing up her fathers stuff and shipping out what we're bringing back while we sell the rest along with the house.

We chatted for a few more minutes before I decided that it was now time for me to read the letter. Setting my phone to the side of the couch, I fiddled with the envelope in my hands. While I had a feeling my letter would drastically be different than Y/N’s, part of me feared what it said. 

Unbeknownst to her, I actually reached out to her dad a couple of weeks ago but was only met with his voicemail where I left my question. I hated it that it had to be done that way, but there was no other choice. 

As I ripped open the envelope, my phone buzzed next to me with a notification of a new email; one I didn’t read the name of. But it flashed brightly in the somewhat darkened room, the name almost urging me to look. With the now open letter in my hand, the familiar name continued to flash on my phone. 

Keaton. 

But it was the four simple words written on the piece of paper that held my attention, making my heart soar into my throat, causing me to nearly fall off of the couch. The two signs I'd been desperate for finally showcasing themselves.

You have my blessing.

[fxllingout]

i wanna talk about whole cake island but i just finished the reverie and oh my god seeing the celestial dragons always fills me with uncontrollable rage, like sometimes i just wanna skip whatever they’re saying but i can’t cause i wanna know what’s happening, oda why did you have to be so good at writing unlikable characters and making their story so interesting,

anyways back to whole cake, it was so fun i enjoyed it so much!!!! i remember the first ask i sent you i believe i talked about how sanji's past made me cry and you told me there was more to come yeah yeah i wanna put him in my pocket and protect him with my life, i wanted to throw hands with his father so bad god what an awful man, his sister was the only redeeming quality about that family, i actually watched a bit of the arc cause i wanted to see the designs and stuff and i love how colorful and fun but also creepy everything is it really sets in the mood lol, and off course my new fav katakuri i feel like it comes as no surprise but i love him, and i also love how luffy just has the ability to make everyone fall for him he’s such a lovable dork, oh and sanji's raid suit i wanna see what that looks like i wander if he’ll ever wear it, okay back again to the reverie i always get so excited whenever the revolutionary army makes an appearance, sabo my beloved is back and kuma :( my heart really dropped when he showed up i feel so bad for him i hope they get him back.

okay that is all i’m so excited for wano!!! GEAR 5!!!!! lmao

fuck the celestial dragons, all the homies hate the celestial dragons (i want them to explode)

WHOLE CAKE!!!!!!!! whole cake is such a good fucking arc, so many scenes with sanji made me want to cry and im glad im not the only person who did cause holy fuck it hurtttttttt. i will do anything for him if it means he never has to be sad again. also, everyone has got to fall in love with katakuri, its just how the world works lmao. AND MY BOY SABO the reverie arc is small and was definitely used to be like 'look at all these old characters you all love, theyre all talking to each other about the straw hats isnt that cool' but i love it so much because that is exactly what i wanted oda, thank you very very much. sabo continues to be my bestie, seeing him pop up in reverie was the greatest part of the whole thing for me lmao. and wano!!!!!! i hope you enjoy, what a good fucking arc it is. i love the vibes of it overall, like i love love love how wano is based around japans history, and then the story that goes with it is just. ahhhhhhhhhhh. enjoy!!!!!

[mugiwat]

sanuso headcannons

highkey sadder than my zolu ones

both are bi with a tendency towards women. both are attracted to men, but neither thought they would actually date a guy

usopp and kaya never really end up together at the end of the journey, the sea changed that village liar too much

sanji was always pushed around as a kid for being the soft one. the vinsmoke brothers laughed in his face when he mentioned to reiju that he might like boys and girls

usopp and sanji didn't really get close until after the whole arlong experience. honestly, usopp thought sanji was a pompous asshole even after the whole bartie incident and sanji thought usopp was a coward who shouldn't be on the seas

after the fight with arlong, usopp came to appreciate sanji's loyalty and sanji came to appreciate his wits

after retrieving nami, the crew talks a little about their homes in east blue, leaving sanji as an outcast from north blue

it was during a late night with usopp coming in for a midnight snack after watch that sanji mentions his vinsmoke past. he doesnt offer much detail, but more hints that his childhood was cruel with siblings and a father who hated everything about him.

"i don't know why im telling you this" "it's because no one will believe the liar"

since then, the two became a little closer and usopp moved his mini workshop into the galley. often they work in comfortable silence, enjoying the others' presence. no words are needed between the two, but they become dependent on the others' sanity

it was somewhere between entering the grandline and recruiting chopper that the two begin to date

during alabasta, Mr. Prince becomes the later inspiration for Sogeking. Usopp admires the persona that Mr. Prince represents and it was only natural to model his courage and bravery after Sanji

sanji loves going shopping for groceries with the sniper, usopp knows a surprising amount of rare spices and herbs

unlike luffy and zoro, the two are much much much more subtle about their relationship, keeping it under wraps. its not until late that nami and robin figure it out

after sanji is shocked by eneru, almost dying, usopp really realizes that maybe he shouldnt have taken those quiet nights on merry for granted. it was during that last night of celebrations that the two hid briefly away in merry, sharing a kiss and getting caught by robin's wandering eyes

their relationship often is spent in quiet moments in the galley and subtle signs like favorite foods or quick inventions for the kitchen

usopp fighting luffy and leaving the crew tore an instant rift in their relationship; "do i mean nothing to you?"

still, sanji found usopp after the fight and took care of him, cooking him food and not letting him starve on the street. they decided to cut off the relationship before it began... better for them to move on with their dreams than cause leftover pain

sanji's heart just about stopped when he saw sogeking and hearing that funny deep voice of his made him just about cry

after enies lobby, the two got back together, never quite repaired, but willing to heal those wounds

they reveal their relationship in the first few nights on the brand new sunny go

thriller bark was a whirlwind of an adventure and sanji couldn't be more proud of usopp's victory over perona

once kuma separated the crew, the two worked extremely hard to become stronger not only for the crew, but for each other. sanji going to kamabakka kingdom and eventually talking to iva-chan honestly made sanji question himself even more

usopp worked extra hard to turn into the man he imagined himself to be. working to be muscular and strong at least in appearance... and becoming more brave than he was before

reuniting in sabody was short and rushed... it wasn't until they settled in fishman island that they two actually got a chance to be alone.

seeing fishman island reminded usopp how small he really is in the world. sanji's bright eyes looking at the bubbles below them reminded him of home and east blue, but also of the uncertainty of the tides

however, the rose colored glasses shattered once sanji practically died from seeing mermaids. this left usopp unsure about his own position in their relationship, feeling ugly, inadequet, and undesireable

usopp ends it with sanji shortly after that with no explaination. he refused to talk to sanji unless it was needed. he ended up taking a backseat in the crew. they weren't the same quiet teenages that would sit in the galley anymore. this was the new world, they needed to grow up

usopp spend punk hazaard and the interlude of dressrosa not speaking to sanji, unless needed. their fight is a partial reason why the crew splits up to pursue different goals

it isn't until after sanji goes missing back to the vinsmokes that usopp reconsiders his stance. when he hears the news all he could think of is that innocent sanji back in east blue, talking about his disowned family back in north blue

after they retrieve sanji from wholecake and practically declare war on the world, all usopp can do is hug the cook and apologize for everything

the two end up giving it a second chance, restarting as "new people" in the form of wano

and that's all for now, honestly, my hope is that they end up going back to east blue together, owning the baratie and visiting syrup village... I think usopp would love the balance between the sea and home... but who knows with these two. I love their relationship so much, I feel like its so real and so traumatic. these two are the most emotional of the straw hats, in my opinion. lot of trauma here

I absolutely can't wait to see the upcoming arcs and hopefully a little more sanuso <3

[ibasae]

Sprout*Waning Hermitage - Friday

Izumi: Eh? Kuma-kun isn't here? --- Ah, right, he's got a photoshoot outside today.

Hajime: Heya--- Huu....

Then I'll go back to my own dorm, I really do hope Kagehira-senpai recovers in the morning.

Izumi: Ah, Hajime-kun---then I'll go back to my room as well. Itsuki, what about you? You leaving too?

Shu: No. Since Sakuma isn't here, I'll take care of Kagehira for a while before I go back.

You can go, it's really fine. I'll take care of the rest. Really, my sincerest apologies for making you both worry about him.

Izumi: Oho~?

Shu: ...What's with that expression?

Izumi: I didn't know you knew how to say nice things like that~ That's my first time hearing it, not bad.

Shu: Your smirk is disgusting. Are you sneering at me? Alright, off you go now.

Izumi: Hah? This is what I get for praising you for once? So~annoying!

Shu: ...Does that even count as praise?

Izumi: Whatever, see ya. Come along now, Hajime-kun.

Hajime: Ah, goodbye then. Itsuki-senpai, Kagehira-senpai.

Mika: ...

Shu: Huu--- Okay, now.

(He wasn't carrying anything around, that means it has to be somewhere in this room.)

---Hm? Ah, he put it on his bedside table.

(That's good. It'd be a far more difficult search if he brought it to school.)

(Hm. But she certainly looks like an ordinary doll, nothing looks different from when I saw her in Paris.)

An unchanging beauty. You could already tell how much technique was used in the making, craftsmanship seeps from every corner and detail.

(But, no... I still can't see what's special about her. Is "that kind" of thing even possible?)

(---Either way, I can't just leave Kagehira like this. He wouldn't want to trouble the people around him more.)

(We have to try every single option.)

Shu: ...Did you do this?

Did you choose to take Kagehira away from me out of loneliness... Or, were you perhaps attracted to his gentle kindness?

I'll never know your thoughts or your motivations behind this, still, it's about time you let him go.

He's noisy, impetuous, and recently he has developed the habit of arrogantly complaining to me. Yet, he'd almost start crying right away, how embarrassing.

However, he's growing steadily like this, step by step. I don't want him to disappear, not like this.

Kagehira is on a journey of self-discovery, learning how to be "Kagehira."

So even if you have spent time together, you're not of the same world. Even if you can stay together, a doll and a human can never go forward in the same world.

You live in a world of eternal perfection. To be frank, I am quite envious of you. You never have to lose anything, and you'll never wither. That's what an ideal world looks like in the Valkyrie philosophy. You can say that it's what every artist dreams of, too.

Yet, humans are ever-changing. As soon as we're born, we are bound by this law. That's why we walk this earth with all our different colors. You can not predict change, and we live in a permanent anticipation of what's to come. But that isn't sad at all, humans grow and learn from change.

Because I only have this one limited life, I---we can't trap our hearts in pursuit of eternity. So we put our whole hearts into the continunity of art.

That must be what your creator was thinking, too. You are a poor child as well, aren't you? Only learning what holding on meant when through being abandoned. You must be very lonely, and you must be in so much pain. I understand how you feel.

Mika: ...

Shu: Please, let your heart be at ease.

Because Kagehira has never given up on anything. No matter what may fall from his arms, he'll always pick them up again and give them unconditional love, even if his arms are broken themselves. He's that kind of person.

So, rest assured. You don't have to capture Kagehira. You don't have to cling on to him. Because Kagehira himself will always hold you tight, and he'll never let go.

I'm right, aren't I? So, Kagehira, please come home to me soon.

Mika: Nnn... Nn~...?

Shu: K-kagehira?!

Mika: ...Uwah!

Shu: Uwaaaah ?!

Mika: ---Uwaaaaaah?! Super close up of a huge Oshi-san?!

Ngah~ As pretty as Oshi-san is, ya scare me when ya get so close like this...

---Hm? Eh? Oshi-san, why d'ya come to my room? 'N why do ya have such a scary expression?

Shu: Seriously, you...! Must you be talking so much the second you wake up!

Mika: Eh?! Oshi-san, ya came to my room, why are ya mad at me?!

Shu: By the looks of things, does this mean you are fine now?

Mika: ? What d'ya mean fine? I dunno what you are talking about at all

Shu: That's why I said you were noisy, I might have to sew your mouth shut at this rate!

Mika: Eh? Oshi-san, ya asked me if I was fine first?! Ya are unreasonable...

Shu: Hmph. Just don't think too hard for the day and get some good rest. I'll slowly tell you what happened today later.

Thank heavens we still have time...

[shootingstarssel]

Yeah, because I've experienced this myself where everyone around me expects me to be this loving, selfless, and caring person towards everyone, but when I show my dislike towards someone or make a small comment about them, they then see me as thinking badly of me as it's the norm for me to always be loving, selfless, and caring even to the people who wanted to make my life hell. But just like Marinette, I am entitled to not always be loving, selfless, and caring and show my anger and hatred as it is unhealthy of me to keep them bottled up and pretend to be happy all the time.

Again, I'd blame Ms. Bustier for this because she has created this toxic positivity in her class that has caused her students to have this mindset in the first place. We see how everyone in the class still believed that Chloe could turn into a good person despite Chloe showing she doesn't want to change and hasn't apologized or made this right to the people she's hurt in the past or actually reflected on her past behavior as all Chloe saw was her going soft. Same with Lila, as the whole school thinks she's fantastic. Alya's comment about Lila breaking free from the Mega-Kuma is enough evidence to prove to Marinette Lila is a good person without actually listening to Marinette's concerns and brushing them off as one good deed or act of "goodness" is enough for them to believe they are good people or deserving of a second chance. It's the same if anyone does something terrible/negative; they'll all assume they are a bad person. Marinette and Adrien also had this mindset when she tried to help Chloe become a better person and help stop Lila from lying; it wasn't until partially in season 3 and seasons 4 and 5 that they broke away from this toxic mindset while the rest still had it until maybe after Lila was finally exposed that they had their wake up call, as Ms. Bustier was tying to make Chloe face punishment but by then it's too late as we see with Lila using Chloe as her puppet to get Ms. Bustier fired.

It also puts into perspective how hypocritical the class is because we see Marinette being a loving, selfless, and caring person from the goodness of her heart and helping people all the time, especially her friends. Still, we never see her classmates do the same for her. You could argue about her surprised birthday party, the times the gang helped Marinette with a new plan to get her to confess to Adrien, and them at the end of Hero's Day Part Two with them helping Marinette with the picnic but outside of that we don't see them actually do any of that it's always Marinette helping them not them helping her at times. Even when they do, they don't think about what Marinette likes or feels comfortable with.

About Evil teenagers antagonists in Miraculous

I currently wonder how can some fans still want a redemption for somoene like Chloé who willingly hurt people just because that's was her definition of "fun".

Why not accept Chloé as somoene evil ? Just because she's 14 years old ? Just because Gabriel was worst than her doesn't take away the fact that Chloé is a truly bad person who has the potential to become as evil, if not worse than Gabriel while growing up.

Even in real life, adults are not the only ones who are capable of cruelty and crimes. If only adults were capable of monstrosity, I wouldn't have 14-year-olds killing each other with callache nikoffs in the drug trafficking districts of my city. we wouldn't have young people beating up little ones and pushing others to suicide and absolutely not regretting their actions. And we wouldn't have stories to raise eyebrows about kids capable of committing murder and acts of torture without necessarily having been abused in their lives.

To me, anyone who loves to make others suffer for their own sick pleasure (and their victims are people who objectively don't deserve such cruelty) has serious mental issues and can be a danger to others.

Both Chloé and Lila love to make others people suffer or don't care about hurting innocents, and they certainly don't feel any empathy for anyone, or in Chloé's case, no longer feel any empathy (she may have felt sympathy and empathy for Adrien at some point, like during the episode Felix in season 3, but that's definitly no longer the case as soon as Adrien asked her to stop being a biatch). Maybe Lila may feel a form of attachment toward her mothers, yet that doesn't stop her from manipulating them and fooling them in a way that's pretty cruel if you dig deeper in Lila's scale of truancy and imposterization.

I know that technically when a 14 year old kid behaves like Lila and Chloé we could say to ourselves that it is unfair to give them no chance and to condemn them when they are only 14-15 years old and could change for the better if they could be guided on the right path.

But Miraculouse is a show in which the superheroes with the fate of the world in their hands are 14 year old kids. And as such in this fictitious reality, other 14 year olds are perfectly likely to become real cruel and threatening villains i without any scruples, especialy if they are influenced by the wickedness of an adult supervillain.

And I believe that Gabriel's evilness only made Chloé's and Lila's wickedness worse.

He put those two girls in positions of power where they could hurt others and act according to their darkest and Manichean impulses. And Lila and Chloé would only want more taste of that power to crush others. And you know how power easilly corrupt the most greedy hearts.

On several occasions, Gabriel even approved of Lila and Chloe's horrible plans and actions. He has encouraged Lila on numerous occasions to "get rid of" Marinette, thus giving the impression that he supports Lila's jealousy, and during collusion he will have the nerve to say that Chloé's ideas, which consist literally ruining the academic future of your classmates and putting your pregnant teacher in jail for no good reason are good ideas. Having a rich adult in a position to approve of their actions in this way will only have given Lila and Chloe the feeling that their acts of cruelty and malice are justified, and thus reinforced their evil nature.

On several occasions we have seen Chloe and Lila voluntarily let themselves be akumatized, and worse than that, we have seen them plan to be akumatized (Chloe in Penalteam, and Lila in Revelation) and not for understandable reasons like that of a desperate Jalil brainwashed by lies on social media. Because Lila and Chloe have only ever been motivated by their narcicism, their ego, and their desire to get revenge on people they hate for the most pettiest, vain and selfish reasons possible.

Lila and Chloé may be kids, but they are evil teenagers, because they would gladly become supervillain if that means getting what they want. And what they want is anything but noble. For their selfish goals, Lila and Chloé were willing to endanger the city they live in and all its inhabitants. I don't even know if I can still call Lila and Chloé kids or teenagers, with how far they're willing to go and hurt people for the sake of their ambitions.

Although there's still the possibility that Lila may be an adult with a youngfull appearance or a hormonal abnormality making her look like a teenager when she could be an adult. But that would risk making her a pedophile so I don't think the show will go that far ^^ At most they could give her the same as Théo Barbot

But an antagonist adult would be needed then to balance an antagonist teenager supervillain.

Good thing we still have Tomoe Tsurugi then

It's tragic that Chloé and Lila wickedness and evilness could be due to serious mental issues or Chloé's bad upbringing, and the show may have decided that it's more important to protect others from the harm Chloé and Lila can cause rather than to prioritize "helping" them with their issues. Both Marinette and Adrien proposed another path for Chloé to chose, one that could have helped her heal from the emotional and mental wounds her mother's abandonment and neglect. Chloé instead chose Hawkmoth's/Monarch

Ladybug offered Lila her friendship, and Adrien also offered Lila to be there for her as long as she didn't hurt those he loved. Yet both Lila and Chloe voluntarily chose to continue committing bad deeds and hurting others, regardless of the fact that someone reached out to them and offered them another path to get love, acknowledgement and recognition from people. Adrien and Marinette don't have to sacrifice their mental health for people who wish them harm, so I understand very well that it wasn't and won't be their priority to help Chloé and Lila find potential redemption. And especially when Lila and Chloe seem determined to refuse to change and continue to cling to their wickedness.

It should be the adults responsabilities to deal with Chloé and Lila issues, and unfortunatelly the adults in Miraculous are pretty lousy and incompetents. It's very tragic when we don't know that one kid is a psychopath, and if another has always gotten away with his narcissistic behavior disorder and nothing had ever been done to help them deal with that issue, that only leaves the opportunity for the seed of evil in these kids to germinate and flourish, and then reach the level of nastiness that is more often found in adults.