#I HEART TO FART Collection

[noisycowboyglitter]

I Heart to Fart: The Ultimate Guide to Fart Humor and Pranks

"I HEART TO FART" is a humorous and irreverent phrase that embraces a typically taboo bodily function with unapologetic glee. This cheeky slogan plays on the common "I heart" format, replacing the usual sentimental subjects with the unexpected topic of flatulence.

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The phrase is often found on novelty items such as t-shirts, mugs, or bumper stickers. It appeals to those with a bold sense of humor who aren't afraid to laugh at the cruder aspects of human biology. The juxtaposition of the romantic heart symbol with the decidedly unromantic act of farting creates a comedic contrast that's hard to ignore.

This kind of humor taps into the universal experience of bodily functions, which can be a source of embarrassment for many. By proudly declaring a love for farting, the phrase encourages people to lighten up and find amusement in the natural, if sometimes awkward, aspects of being human.

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It's particularly popular among children and teenagers, who often find bathroom humor hilarious. However, it also resonates with adults who maintain a playful attitude towards life and don't take themselves too seriously.

The phrase might be used in various contexts:

As a joke gift for a friend with a good sense of humor

As part of a larger comedy routine or social media post

As a way to break tension or awkwardness in social situations

While certainly not everyone's cup of tea, "I HEART TO FART" serves as a reminder that sometimes it's okay to be a little silly and embrace our less refined sides.

Funny Valentine's Day Kids Memes combine the innocence of childhood with the humor of internet culture, creating shareable content that tickles the funny bone. These memes often feature adorable children in Valentine's-themed situations with witty captions or unexpected twists.

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Common themes include kids' brutally honest takes on love, hilarious misunderstandings about romance, or comical reactions to Valentine's Day traditions. For example, a meme might show a child's confused face with text like "When you realize your Valentine isn't actually made of chocolate."

These memes frequently play on the awkwardness of school Valentine's exchanges, the challenges of writing cards, or children's literal interpretations of love metaphors. They resonate with parents, teachers, and anyone who remembers the mix of excitement and confusion that Valentine's Day can bring to young kids.

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Funny Valentine's Day Kids Memes offer a lighthearted way to celebrate the holiday, bringing smiles and nostalgia to viewers of all ages.

[tea-time221]

snrrkkk mimimimimi

good morning wyllstarion nation -holds this post out like its birdseed in my palms-

[chonnysinferno]

this is me. if you even care :-/ me when. me wehn. actually no this is just me remove the when my face after learning how to tick like a clock [(i find it hilarious thgat my gf's brother tried drawing me and. she woke up and opened csp and was like "WHAT IS THIS" which is HILARIOUS tbh)] [(today i say "fuck it" and drew. myself bc there's like no art that looks closwe to me </3)]

[johnbrand]

(βΓΦ)'s Improper Disposal

Chase grunted as the cooler once again hit the back of his leg. “Dude, why does this thing have to be so heavy?”

“What, all those hours in the gym not paying off?” Tony chuckled. Then the offender in question hit his own knee. “Ow! Dang you weren’t kidding.”

“I told you, bro.” Chase and Tony continued down the dock. “What is in this thing anyway?”

“It’s what’s left of the Beta Gamma Phi Sex Drive,” Tony answered. They carefully navigated down the steps onto the private beach north of the city. 

“Why do they call it a ‘Sex Drive’ anyway?” Chase frowned, but after a moment the pun clicked. Then he continued, “But those initiates were guzzling those drinks like it was their last party ever. How is it still this heavy?”

“This is just the leftovers, bro.” Tony responded. “It’s not like we had them drinking straight jizz, it was just the catalyst in the formula. And we collected for almost a month–Chris had us producing every day, he even measured who contributed the most.”

“You’re kidding,” Chase guffawed, most of the intellectual words soaring over his head.

The two frat boys dropped the cooler as they approached the shore, the cold water lapping at their bare feet. Without further ado, they flipped the container open, watching as the thick white splooge was emptied into the ocean. The waves softly accepted the gift, washing away the mixed jock juices and integrating them into their southbound current.

“So that’s it, huh?” Chase broke the silence once the inside of the cooler was clean. "Is it ok for us to just be dumping it out like this?"

“Yup,” Tony replied, closing the lid. “The water is supposed to dilute it or something, so we won’t have to worry about ‘improper disposal of hazardous waste,’ or whatever βΓΦ’s lawyer said.”

A rancid fart escaped Chase’s back end. “Huhuhuh, speaking of hazardous waste…”

———

“Stop!” Eli could not stop himself from laughing as Simon continually splashed him with water. Of course, he delivered defensive waves back to his best friend, meaning both were struggling to catch their breaths under the onslaught.

“You first!” Simon countered, unbothered as the salty sea stung his eyes, went up his nose, and slipped into his mouth.

Eli licked his lips, “Never!” Although there were plenty of other people of all shapes, ages, colors, and sizes at the beach, the two were not making enough of a scene for anyone to care.

They continued like this for another minute before agreeing to a truce. Once they had finally stopped to take a breath, the pair did nothing but wade in the open water. About a foot taller than his best friend, Eli’s feet could barely scrape the bottom almost six and a half feet below them. But unlike Eli, Simon's skinny, shrimpy body meant he could float with little effort.

“Should we head in?” Eli finally asked, his heart rate having returned to a normal pace.

Simon nodded, “Sure.”

The best friends turned towards the shore and began to paddle in. Neither noticed that within the first few moments, their legs began to twitch. Simon’s shot out within the water, while Eli’s already long tendons shortened slightly. Each stroke brought additional changes. Simon’s abdominals became more pronounced, Eli’s biceps and triceps inflated with muscle. Eli’s hands restructured into fleshy mitts, Simon’s feet widened out into massive flippers. 

But these changes were not unique to just one or the other; they happened simultaneously to both of the men. Each was becoming more muscular and more masculine. Their bodies had ingested the combined DNA of many βΓΦ brothers, every individual strand rewriting the former base and taking control of the resulting figure. This meant they both gained smooth, Ken doll-like tanned skin. They both gained fluffier hair that coiffed naturally at the front (even if Eli’s was hidden behind a white cap, which rotated 180 degrees as if it too was part of a genetic code). And they both gained longer, girthier cocks that would reroute their blood flow, which in turn would reroute their objectives and priorities.

Once they had made it to shore, Eli and Simon had become fraternal twins, and not only in their new dedication to Beta Gamma Phi. The superior DNA bonded them at a molecular level, their brothers’ musculature and masculinity recreating them as Ethan and Shawn. They both accepted their new destinies: to become a βΓΦ brother, with a duty to uphold traditional masculinity and a responsibility to keep the fraternities alive.

And luckily for Ethan and Shawn, they were not alone, for the shore was soon swarmed with many other young, strapping men ready to dedicate their lives to the βΓΦ brotherhood.

[m0chisenpai]

Hi, could you do a Louis x Fem!reader x Armand? Like something where they are both obsessed with her and maybe she a little oblivious even tho they give her what ever she wants. I love your others too by the way.🫶🏼

desires of the heart

˚｡⋆ louis de pointe du lac x black!fem!reader x armand

in which she has two immortals wrapped around her little finger

Author note: this sounds similarish to a loumand fic I got previously so I’m gonna build onto that one

Time in the penthouse seems to move slower. The days and nights felt blurred from adjusting your schedule to the ‘vampires’ Daniel interviews. And with each passing day, more and more do the vampires find themselves falling deeper into your heart. It is your own fault for falling for a pair of supernatural fanatics, though now they have proved their inhumane nature.

You had their own dead ones in the palm of your hand yet you remained so oblivious to it.

You find yourself spending your time less in your room and more in their company as they begin to reach the end. Daniel mentions during one of your dinners together that he finds them to be stalling. Louis speaks slower, finds himself struggling to remember certain parts.

It irritates him, but as you sit across him barely touching your own meal Daniel ends his rushing.

“Those books, are the older ones right?” You watch Armand hover above in the collection looking for more pictures of Claudia for your personal “research”. In your spare time you’ve begun compiling information from her journals and diaries, looking for pictures to put a face to the voice of the woman trapped in a child’s body.

“Yes, some of these are beyond your time,” he looks down at you slowly allowing himself to settle in front of you. You push your frames back up the bridge of your nose so you can properly look at the elder vampire.

“Can I see them?”

Louis watches amused from his seat as Armand holds you close to show you the books. Slowly he glides back up with you in his arms following your direction till you pick a small stack to sit with Louis and look through.

These are older photographs from his years in New Orleans. Family pictures, pictures from his childhood.

"Aw what happened to the fro? That's the cutest baby afro I have seen!" you pout as Louis pulls a family picture out. And he rolls his eyes as you pull your phone to take a picture.

"Times were different," Louis rolls his eyes and you scoff at his vague response. You page through the album carefully with gloved hands as you look at the dearly cared aged photos.

"Is that him?" your eyes settle on a duo picture, him and his brother side by side. Louis can only nod, his lips pressed in a line as you stare. In the picture his brother stands behind him, hand on his shoulder. He remembers that day fondly. They bickered on what to wear and settle on a pair of their old father's suits. "He was handsome. Definitely a sweetheart, I can tell by how he's looking at you here in this one."

When you look up at you him, you smile "I see you take after him." Before Louis can respond one of the workers has entered. Interrupting your bubble of peace. "Mr.Molloy has requested you in his room ma'am."

Armand's face immediately ices over into a glare, his response fiery. "Tell Mr.Molloy if he wishes for his help to return he can come and get them himself. She is not a dog."

"It's alright, the old fart does this all the time in the office." You go to stand stretching your arms overhead and quickly rubbing your forearms for friction. You're cold, Louis observes the goosebumps across your freckled shoulders from the slouch neck sweater you wear.

When you are are out of ear shot Louis speaks to the worker.

"Have the shoppers come in tomorrow morning for Mr.Molloy's intern. The girl needs proper clothing. My companion will be there to assist further."

Much to Daniel's distaste. you are like a child in a candy shop pointing to sweaters from Ralph Lauren's upcoming fall collection. But he hides his distaste giving you a smile when you happily show him the sweater that was 'giving Rory Gilmore but I wear it better.' Armand sits watching as you soar through racks and picking your items of choice.

You hesitate when a woman approaches holding a cases of lenses, "we offer these in prescription of course."

"Oh no these are fine."

"Pick one." Armand finally speaks up. When you look at him he is now sitting up, but the way he sits with his legs crossed, an arm draped across the back while the other rests atop his knee. His eyes a show of dominance, as if daring you to say no to him.

You settle on a thick marbled brown pair. But he stands to move in front of you, picking up a few for you to try. You try on several till you are pushing his hands away.

"The jade green ones as well as the golden wired ones for her," you grumble watching as he picks up the two for the woman to box. "We will have your prescription sent as soon as possible."

"Thank you but, this a bit much for a few days stay."

"We have no issue providing you your comforts whilst you work on the novel."

"Ok but-"

He raises a brow that silences any opposition. When you offer no more pushback, Armand places his hand on the small of your back, guiding you to the women who begin to drape you in abayas and scarves for your hair.

Daniel can only huff and look back to his laptop.

'CLEARLY three idiots in love with one another. Female is too incompetent to discern vampires obsession, affections.' He underlines idiots smirking to himself as he scribbles more notes about the three of you down.

You're nearing the end of the interviews. You can tell cause they spend any bit of time of the days glued to your side. You don't bring it up, you accidentally mentioned it in passing to Louis and his entire demeanor once so warm and gentle became...rigid.

He didn’t speak to you that night, but Armand was there to placate your worries.

Louis sits beside you on the couch now. Watching you listen and take notes. One earbud while your hand stops and moves to write at the most random of moments.

He’s eerily still with the only movement behind his eyes watching and hearing every single thing.

These days he's more brazen in his affections. Sitting closer, allowing his hand to linger when he passes your chai, playing with the baby curls at the nape of your neck. But there is something even more intimate as he sits beside you, watching you.

"Gonna keep staring me down like a creep?"

His lips perk up, "sorry cher. Just memorizing your face."

Your fingers stop typing, your train of thought halts for a second till they both return at the steady pace you had going. You’ll give him that one, your heart did feel fuzzy. But you’ll be damned to cry.

"Can a vampire love?"

Louis shifts a bit in his seat tilting his head upward, you wonder if he is avoiding your gaze or truly in thought. "I believe we feel immensely. Everything feels...deeper. Almost too much if I am quite honest. I think that’s why so many of us choose the sleep. These feelings are magnified."

Now it’s your turn to look up. "But if your entire being is dead, what is it that allows you to feel again? Your heart no longer works, your brain must not function, or maybe it does. But you are dead. How can the dead feel?"

Ah, that mind of yours. Louis loved it deeply. His eyes flicker to his joined palms till they return on you.

"I've heard stories, seen elder vampires that lived many lifetimes take their life because of the loneliness. At times, I myself felt it. It’s the silence, but as I said before you feel it double, he’ll even triple than the loneliness you may feel at times. Had our feelings died with us, then I do not think they would put an end to themselves."

You nod, pausing for a moment again. To feel that much it’s scary. It must be even scarier to love. Falling in love now, heartbreak even feels like it takes over your whole body. But to feel that even more, how can anyone survive through that?

"I feel it too," you pause for a moment, "it's the worst." When Louis doesn’t respond, you blank your lack of sleep or the stress of work that leaves you open and vulnerable. “I don’t think I could survive it. Loving at least. It hurts and it’s always taking. Leaving you high and dry in the end. I don’t….i couldn’t handle that again.”

Though Louis respects your boundaries, he feels the buzz in your bones. He hears the tremor in your voice, sees the mist of tears sitting in your eyes. A desire sitting on your lips. “What do you need?” It comes out as a whisper, yet it feels so loud.

And your response is just as quiet, “can you…can you just hold me. Please, Louis.”

The laptop shut and atop the table, and he is holding you close. Your eyes slowly fall shut as you wrap your arms back around him. He pulls you atop him and you squeeze him back hiding your face in the nook of his shoulder.

He must be shushing you or speaking but you can’t hear it, all you can do is soak this in.

You feel complete again, so whole.

[kasagia]

The grudge (Losing your memory pt. 2)

Pairing: Young! Coriolanus Snow x fem!Capitol! reader Summary: You promised you would destroy him. Be his ending at all costs. The fight between you begins. Both about his position as President of Panem and about the feelings you still have for him. But the question still haunts you... is your Coryo really gone? The second part of Losing your memory, but can be read as a separate oneshot. Although I recommend reading it. Inspired by: "The grudge" by Olivia Rodrigo and @uhnanix idea/request Taglist: @uhnanix @serving-targaryen-realness @diannana @aoi-targaryen @omgsuperstarg @il0vebeingdelulu @chelseyyouraverageluigi @un06 @tallulah477 @snowspubes @hueanhdang @snowspubes @phsychobanana @blythlover ~•♤♤♤•~ Coriolanus Snow's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~

"Wait... what do you want to do?" Clemensia Dovecote asks in shock when you invite her over a few days after your birthday party.

"You heard me." you reply calmly, playing with the Sejanus bracelet on your wrist.

"This is madness, Y/N. You can't… you…"

"You think so?" you ask, amused by her scandalized reaction. "The Capitol has seen stranger, worser things." you say, getting up from the couch and walking over to the mini bar to pour you both a drink. "Besides, you have to admit, it's an… exciting idea. People are going to love it… well, maybe not the old farts and those idiots from our year, but... I'm very optimisitc about it."

"Yes, but… my God, HE is going to hate you for this." she says with a growing smirk on her face. You laugh heartily and hand her the glass.

"This is the least of my worries. The question is... will you stand by my side?"

"Y/N? You've been quieter lately, has something happened?" your mother snapped you out of your thoughts as the three of you ate dinner together.

You replayed your conversation with Clemansia from a few months ago, wondering how to break the news to your parents… actually, now was as good a time as any. You doubt there would ever be a good time to convey something like this.

"I… actually yes." you say, clearing your throat and getting ready to drop the bomb on them.

"Is that Coriolanus? Did he propose to you?" you choke on the drink you were drinking and look at your mother with a dose of disbelief and disgust.

Apparently, the ridiculous amount of roses, chocolates, dresses, and even fucking jewellery that Coriolanus was sending you didn't go unnoticed by your mother. After the first month, you thought he would take the hint, but since he tirelessly sent you gifts, you stopped returning them to him damaged (e.g., cut roses and burned clothes) and decided to give them to the servants and maids and simply ignore that poisoned snake.

"What?! No, of course not. Besides, I wouldn't say yes like... never." you shudder at the thought, at which your father laughs, joining in on the conversation between the two of you for the first time.

"Then what is it?"

Their expectant glances intimidate you for a moment, and for the first time, you wonder if the decision you've made is right. But there was no turning back. You won't let Coriolanus win so easily (or, rather, at all).

"I… well. I've submitted my candidature for president of Panem."

The silence in the room after your statement is... extremely disturbing. They both freeze; your father holds the fork halfway to his mouth, staring at you in amazement, and your mother looks like they've frozen her. For a moment, you wonder if you've given them a heart attack. But your concern for them quickly fades when their loud collective screams echo throughout the dining room.

"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"

"So I guess I won't have your votes then?" you ask jokingly, going back to cutting your steak.

"Are you crazy? A female president?!" your mother asks indignantly, and you roll your eyes. Honestly, you were a little surprised at her shock. As if you would ever play her role as an obedient wife.

"You may not know it, mother, but more and more female politicians appear in the government. Right, dad?" you ask him, using your only-daughter charm on him, mentally thanking everyone above that this man never treats you with disrespect and hostility like other fathers would if their only child was a girl.

Maybe you kind of enjoyed being his precious diamond after all. Even if that made you desired by all of Capitol's young men, who were more than willing to take your hand in marriage and dowry.

"That doesn't mean you have to be one of them! Y/F/N, tell her something!" you look pleadingly at your father, and after his long silence, you already know that you are melting his heart to your will. All it took was a little, gentle pressure.

"What are your real chances of winning?" he asks with a sigh as your mother looks at him with disbelief.

"Y/F/N..."

"I think my only serious opponent is Coriolanus. People are fed up with these fearful politicians who have been arguing with each other for a long time. Me and Snow are a fresh take on Capitol affairs. We are young and ambitious. People may choose us out of curiosity alone. And among the female electorate, I think I have a much better chance than him... if you can convince mother to let me do this, of course. I won't do anything without your blessing and support." you reply, looking at him confidently. His face is unreadable, as are his eyes, and you silently hope that you have inherited his ability to hide your emotions.

"Y/F/N you can't think about that seriosuly. She can't do this!"

"If you want to be in power, wouldn't it be better for you to join forces? Run a joint campaign. You would become Prime Minister, and he would become President if being a First Lady didn't suit you."

"I am Y/L/N. I am taking everything or nothing." this one sentence makes his façade break down. He smiles and clears his throat, trying to hide his proud smirk behind his glass of wine.

"Very good. You know your bank account number. If you need more campaign funds, in a reasonable amount, of course, you know who to ask." you smile at this and get up from your chair, ignoring your mother's words of protest.

"Thank you, father." you say, kissing his cheek and leaving the dining room, leaving him to deal with your mother's anger. You had to call your staff. The game was about to start.

You enter the parliament building quite uncertainly. You are wearing a white suit made by Tigris. The black vest, which is intended to liven up the outfit, fits you a bit too tight, but you blame it on the fact that you've been stress-eating sweets lately. You will ask her to sew you appropriate clothes later.

For now, you wanted as few people as possible to know about your candidacy. You trusted Tigris, but there was no way in hell you could let Coriolanus find out about this beforehand. You will present him with a fait accompli.

Just like he did when he chose Lucy Gray.

You notice him first. He is wearing a blood-red suit and a snow-white shirt. You wonder if subconsciously it's his reminder of the deaths of the people who allowed him to be where he stands now, but you prefer to think that the bastard simply has no conscience.

You could easily escape from him, but you don't want to. Not any longer. He will be the one running away from you. So you walk straight up to him, the click of your high heels echoing off the marble floor of the Parliament building.

"Nice suit." you say to him. He lifts his head and turns to you as he hears your voice. You can't read the look in his cold, blue eyes, but you don't care about that now. You're only here to stick a pin in him before his performance. "You wore your father's clothes and now you wear Sejan's? Maybe you haven't really changed at all." you scoff at him, and he shakes his head with an equally mocking smile as yours.

"This is probably the latest collection from your favorite designer. Not that I remember." he says, putting his hands in his pockets and watching you carefully as he takes a step towards you.

"Impossible. My favourite designer is Tigris. And I heard that lately you're too much of a snobbish, self-assured asshole to wear what she made for you."

"Maybe it's because she's turning you against me, trying to convince you that I'm a monster?" he says this ironically as you both stare at each other.

You notice that the rose is missing from his jacket pocket. His hair is also messier, as if he's running a nervous hand through it—a habit that obviously hasn't died with your Coryo. You frown at this but shake it off to respond to his taunt.

"Maybe you are actually a monster, Coriolanus? Didn't that occur to you? How could anybody do the things you did so easily? Or maybe Dr. Gaul calls this an unconventional, out-of-the-box way of thinking?"

"At least she's not pretending to be someone she's not." he growls at you, furious, a grudge shining in his eyes, at which you seethe in anger. He, of all people, has no right to resent you.

"At least I can honestly say I'm not a murderer. And what about you?"

Before you can react, he takes a step towards you. One of his hands wraps around your throat like a snake. However, he remembers that you are in a public place and quickly moves his hand to your cheek and brushes a strand of hair behind your ear. His icy eyes are locked on yours as he tries to read any reaction from you. You give him nothing. And you're damn proud of it.

"If you didn't come to wish me luck in my first public appearance as a candidate for president, you should go. Before I give you a real reason to call me a monster, little diamond." he whispers quietly, the tone of his voice laced with threat, but you don't give a damn.

"Oh, snowy… I really wish you a lot of luck. You'll need it, my boy." you say, patting his chest dismissively. You walk away, making sure to bump his arm with yours as you move past him to go to the hall where the first recording for the presidential candidatures of Panem is to be held.

And you already know that it will be hard for you not to look at him, as a furious surprise will appear on his face when he sees that you will also be presenting your programme and announcing your candidature.

You've regretted your candidature many times over the past two weeks. Partly because you had to spend more and more time with the devil in a fancy suit. You didn't see this coming; you were too busy thinking about preventing him from winning. Now you had to attend balls with him and other candidates and various events that helped promote your campaigns, smile at cameras and photographers, and try to remain as polite and courteous to others as you needed.

Like now.

You were attending some important business event, and your uncomfortable high heels were digging into your skin, hurting you. But it was worth bleeding a little. You looked drop-dead gorgeous.

"Tomorrow you have an interview with the Capitol Times; the day after tomorrow we are promoting in the children's ward at the hospital; at the end of the week we both have to go to Fulvia Cardew's engagement party. And in the meantime, you have to go to at least three fittings of new clothes that Tigris made." Clemensia says, writing something down in her small notebook.

"Thanks, Clem. I don't know what I'd do without you." you say with a small smile as you sip your glass of champagne.

"You'd have to keep that stupid calendar and schedule yourself. If you want to help in some way, you can finally answer one of the many calls from Coriolanus. He torments both me and the servants in your house at night."

"And make my mother lose hope that someone is courting me? No thanks; this way, I have peace from her, and I don't have to talk to him longer than I should. Besides, I thought you liked it when I gave you the gifts he somehow managed to leave at my door."

"At some point, yes... but you will finally have to clean up the relationship between you two. Even if we win, Coriolanus will remain an important political player, and it would be good to have him on our side. Besides, it's obvious that he… oh shit. Gaul is coming." she says, terrified, and leaves you. You turn around just as the co-creator of The Hunger Games walks up to you.

“Miss Y/L/N. Congratulations. You surprised me.” you swallow the rest of the champagne and set the glass on the table behind you, preparing to face this crazy woman.

"I think half of the Capitol was in a similar condition. But I appreciate the gesture, Dr. Gaul." you say this with a polite smile as the woman looks you up and down. You're glad you're keeping yourself from trembling under her scrutinising, watchful gaze.

"Mr. Snow seemed to be particularly surprised. As soon as he returned to the lab, he came up with wonderful ideas for next year's Hunger Games." she boasts, and you smile fakely. It sickens you to think about what these two could have come up with for these poor children. But you don't show it. Instead, you chose to strike back.

"I heard that after Lucy Gray's disappearance, their... popularity dropped a bit. I hope things are going well with the sponsors? It would be such a shame if the project and ideas had to be... cancelled due to a lack of money."

"We're doing well. When Mr. Snow becomes president, I think the government will be more willing to fund them."

"IF Mr. Snow becomes president, Dr. Gaul." you correct her, slightly irritated. The woman smiles and nods her head mockingly.

"Of course... If." she says it with a wolfish, menacing smile.

You both stare at each other with hatred for a moment, both of you refusing to give up in your little battle. The atmosphere between you is tense.

You flinch when you feel a hand on your back. The delicate scent of roses begins to float in the air.

"Dr. Gaul. I am so happy to see you here. Y/N, you look amazing as always." Coriolanus says as he leans in and places a kiss on your cheek. You would wipe it in disgust if there weren't other people around you.

"Mr. Snow." Dr. Gaul greets him.

The mysterious smile never leaves her face as she watches the two of you. You remember what she just said. How Coriolanus was still so eagerly working with her on the Hunger Games. His hand on your back starts to burn you in an unpleasant way.

"Excuse me. I need to get some fresh air. It started to stink in here." you say, subtly implying that it's the scent of Coriolanus and his rose that bothers you as you walk away from them both.

You go to the roof of the penthouse, which is surprisingly empty, and take out a cigarette. You search for the lighter, thinking about what Gaul told you. Somehow you felt even more distant from Coriolanus... as if she emphatically confirmed what you already knew.

Your Coryo was completely gone. And there was nothing that could bring him back to you.

But why did you still care about him anyway?

"I didn't know you started smoking." you flinch when you hear his voice behind you.

You ignore him, trying to light the lighter, but to no avail. Apparently, today everything must have gone shitty for you. Seeing your struggles, he walks over to you. He takes a lighter from his pants pocket and holds it to your cigarette, lighting it.

"What the hell do you want?" you ask him madly, at which he raises his eyebrows, but he is not moving away from you.

"What? You won't even thank me? You know, I've helped you there. I could just leave you to talk with Gaul, but I walked in and took her attention from you." he says, stuffing the lighter and his hands into his pockets as he leans on the railing next to you, staring at the skyline of the Capitol below you.

"I didn't need a fucking hero. I could have left her at any time. Unlike you, I don't play vaseline, I don't humiliate myself, and I don't do anything I don't want to, just to please other people." you snort and blow a cloud of cigarette smoke at him. He coughs, looking at you offended, to which you just smirk.

"You know, I remember the time when you were doing everything in your power to please ME. In many, many ways, actually." he says, using his hand to wave away your clouds of cigarette smoke.

"Keep these memories close to you because they will never happen again. I'd rather be burned alive than ever sleep with you again." you say it with obvious disgust. Out of the corner of your eye, you see the furrow of anger forming between his eyebrows. "Don't frown. Or make-up artists will have a hard time covering your wrinkles."

"I have no idea why you are so aggressive and act madly when it comes to me. I didn't do anything to you." he responded firmly to your mocks, never taking those ice-blue irises off of you.

"That's the problem, Coriolanus! You think that you don't do anything wrong, when the truth is that you are taking actions that are terrible. I feel like puking just looking at you and thinking about how many children will suffer because of Dr. Gaul's and your crazy ideas." you burst out furiously at him. You are now standing opposite each other, both of you glaring at the other in a furious, defiant way.

"The Hunger Games are necessary."

"Bullshit." you interrupt him before he can make any arguments. You see him sigh, running a hand through his gelled hair.

You catch yourself subconsciously missing his curls and how you used to stroking them when he was lying with you on your couch and reading a set book for one of your classes…

"Have you ever been in the District? 10, 11, 12? No. You didn't. You have no idea what kind of people are leaving there. You live in the safety of the Capitol, and you have no idea how quickly these rats can start a civil war and rebellions. Did you forget what they did to us? How have we suffered? I lost my father, and my family went poor. I had to pretend that I was still a rich snob. Tgiris, my grandmother, and I starved more than once; they wanted to throw us out of the apartment. I had nothing but a meaningless name and family."

"You know, that was the time when you had everything. You had friends, family, and a girlfriend. My love and limitless devotion, respect, and admiration. Now what do you have left? Money? Power? Glory? Besides, people are not the same. They can be good, Coriolanus. The fact that you are too afraid to see or admit it is proof of how huge a coward you actually became." you say it disappointedly, dropping the cigarette to the floor and stomping on it.

"I am not..." he pauses as you look up at him, and your eyes meet. He thought that no one could silence him. But one look from you, full of resentment and sadness, makes him fall silent.

You make him feel weak. As if he was still that poor teenager who had to hide his family's terrible financial situation. Only now he's hiding the fact that your words are actually reaching him. That they actually hurt him.

He couldn't afford to have any weaknesses. He had to be strong, tough, and decisive. However, after one look at you, it was enough for him to begin to question everything he had learned under Dr. Gaul. To question everything he did after the fucking Hunger Games and Lucy Gray.

"Yes, you are. Everything you are doing and every bad decision you've made, you made out of fear. Fear of losing your life. Of losing your position. Of never coming back to the Capitol. You are a coward who desperately tries to play the brave man that matters in this world."

"You have no idea what it was like in the district! Or in the Hunger Games, when I had to get Sejanus out of there. You don't know what you would do in such a situation, so don't you dare stand there and judge me. Not when all I could think about in those days, what kept me away from absolute madness, was you." he says, desperately trying to present his actions to you as right, to make you understand his point of view and the reasons why he did all of these.

"Maybe not. Maybe I don't know what it's like. But I would never become the cause of the death of my best friend. You have his blood on your hands. I will never forgive you that." you notice him flinching at your words, but that's all you can see through the mask of indifference he suddenly decided to wear. But his eyes—his eyes and the emotions hidden in them—remind you so much of your Coryo.

"Do you think I have removed it from my memories? That his screams didn't haunt me in my dreams? That I simply forgot about him?"

"You are certainly on a good way to do it, Coriolanus." your soft whisper gives him goosebumps. You look at each other for a moment. When you realise he has nothing to say, you shake your head, laughing bitterly, mocking yourself for thinking for a moment that he really was more than just the cruel Gamemaker, and turn away.

You walk towards the exit, but suddenly you hear his quick footsteps behind you. He wraps his arms around your waist with one hand and holds your hands with the other, making sure you don't break away. He rests his forehead against the back of your head, inhaling your scent for a moment before whispering into your ear.

"Do you remember that place?" he asks, his nose stroking your cheek. "Our second date. Sejanus, let me take you to one of his parents' penthouses. They were supposed to be on vacation, but they came back earlier. We had to hide on the roof and wait since they would leave so we too could. We had a picnic here. I was holding you close to my chest, a little closer than I am doing now. It started to rain. I was furious because I wanted everything to be perfect for you, and as always, everything went terribly wrong. I wanted to look at the stars with you and run my hands through your hair while you fell asleep on my chest, cuddling up to me as if I were your teddy bear. I loved feeling the weight of you on me. In every circumstance. Anyway, we gathered everything and ran to your house. You let me into your room through the window. We took a hot shower together and..."

"And then happened the worst sex I've ever had." you interrupt him, trying to regain control of the situation. He only laughed at that, which made your heart skip a beat when, for the first time in so many months, you hear him laughing truly, not in a mocking, bitter, or fake way.

"The worst? Your moans and scratches on my back proved otherwise. Besides, considering it was the first time for both of us, I guess I did a good job. Your silky skin has haunted my dreams since that night. It never stopped. And judging by the way you are breathing right now, you also seem to think about that time fondly. We can do it again at my place tonight if you want. I am now in a much better position to truly make your nights unforgettable."

"I'd rather be bitten by one of Dr. Gaul's snakes, but thanks for the offer." you huff, getting out of his arms and pushing him away from you as you go to the exit of the Plinth's penthouse's roof.

"Don't tempt me. You know I can arrange it. Sucking the poison out of your delicate skin with my mouth is a really tempting alternative." he says, following you as you both return to the main hall.

"Disgusting pervert." you whisper over your shoulder so that only he can hear you in the crowd of elites and reporters who have gathered.

"Both of us, my darling. Both of us. But the point is..." he grabs your hand and helps you down the stairs as if he was a true gentleman. You would roll your eyes at this, but people have already noticed, you know, that you have hardened the mask of politeness on your face. "I remember everything. I am not losing my memory. I never will. Not about you. Not about us." he whispers, and you feel his blue eyes burning a hole into your temple with how intensely he stares at you.

"You must be mad to think that I will just go back to you. Besides, I don't have time for you. My voters are waiting for me."

He chuckles and gives you a mysterious, quizzical look that you can't read. But before you can analyse his stance, he pulls your hand to his mouth and places a gentle kiss on it. His full lips tease your skin, setting it alight with the reminder of all the times he's had the opportunity to do this.

He pulled away from you as quickly as he leaned into your hand. He smiles, giving you a view of his pearly teeth. How pleased the devil is...

"We shall see, my little petal." he whispers. Your old nickname he gave you one day is sounding as perfectly sweet as it used to, and you are not sure how much strength you have left in you to not let him melt your heart. Then he walks away from you, leaving you in the crowd of other people.

And you stand there, rooted to the floor, and all you can do is stare at the back of his head as you try to snap out of the feeling of his lips against your skin, trying not to dream of experiencing all of him again.

A week later, you were returning from another party. You managed to sneak out a little earlier than usual without anyone noticing. Relieved, you got into the empty elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor. You leaned against the wall and sighed, rubbing your neck, where you wore a diamond necklace. Your momentary alone relief didn't last long.

As usual, you smelled him first. The faint hint of roses hit you as the man leaned against the wall of the elevator next to yours, giving you some space. You glanced at him casually. This time, he didn't have a rose on his vest. He was also much paler.

"The makeup artists chose the wrong powder for you." you say, not knowing why you even initiated a conversation with him.

"Was Thomas so tired that he couldn't stay with you until the end? Was he too scared to hold on to the precious diamond that had fallen into his hands like a grain to a blind hen until the end of the night?" he responds to your taunt. You frown at the hint of jealousy in his voice.

Coryo has always been possessive and unsure of your relationship and whether you might leave him one day for someone better. Therefore, any man's attention towards you caused... unpleasant feelings for him. He obviously still had this behaviour towards you. Even though you were no longer together.

"He has an exam. Anatomy or some other shit. But don't worry, he will definitely accompany me when the election results are announced."

"Seriously? Are you now going to show off with that little boy-toy?" he asks you furiously. You can feel how his cold blue eyes are piercing right through you.

"Livia Cardew?" you scoff as well, opening your eyes to glare at him with an equally disgusted look. "But you know what? Actually, I'm not surprised. The biggest whore in Capitol. After you, of course."

"You slept with that whore 374 times. Which makes you equally slutty, little petal." he says with a cheeky smirk. You huff, folding your arms as you look at him in disbelief.

"I can't believe you were pathetic enough to actually count this."

"You're lucky I've lost count of the number of orgasms you've had because of me."

"And you are disgusting." you shake your head, impatiently waiting for the elevator to go down to the ground floor so you can get far away from him. You try hard not to think about all the times you had… done this.

But he doesn't let you go that easily. He leans down and brushes your hair back to give him better access to your ear to whisper.

"And you crave me as much as I crave you, my darling."

"Do you think that just because you started donating to charity organisations, I will suddenly fall into your arms or into your bed? You think I don't know you're doing this as part of a campaign? To get more votes? Are you that stupid to think that I will fall for it and believe that you are trying to be a better man for me?" you ask him, angry and defensive, mocking him.

"I'm starting to doubt my ability to do anything you could approve of. But it's nice that you still care about me enough to be interested in what I do."

"You can give up your candidature for president if you want to see me happy." he laughs at your words, looking at you with a mischievous smirk.

"And make it so easy for you? No way, my darling. We both know that only the two of us have a real chance of winning. You should finally surrender and join me. We both know this is where we'll end up. I, with you by my side, just as it has always been."

"Not always. I remember very well the time when it was only you and your songbird." the elevator is on the second floor when he aggressively presses the stop button.

You try very hard to hide from him the fact that you feel insecure in this situation. In a small space, with him practically at your fingertips, you don't know if you can control yourself. So you try to remember all the disgusting crimes he committed.

"It was just a game. A show for the Capitol. You know I had to win. It didn't end the way I wanted, but you know perfectly well that I had to do it." he says, placing his hands gently on your shoulders as he tries his hardest to keep your eyes on him and you standing still in your place for the time he talks.

"I've already told you this. There is always another choice." you growl in his face, furious, refusing to give up.

"You wouldn't even talk to me if I still remained a nobody. You would have dumped me the moment it became known to all Panem that my family was poor and that Snow's name meant nothing. And marrying you would only be a distant dream of a madman."

"As if you had any chance now." you mock him with a laugh. You somehow push him away from you and press the start button. The elevator starts moving down again.

"I have your parents' blessing."

"And my disgust and resentment towards you."

There is silence between you for a moment. He stubbornly stares at your face, trying to read some emotion there, but you give him nothing but a blank stare at the door in front of you as you impatiently wait for it to open.

"What do you do when you win?" his question catches you off guard for a moment. You look at him in shock.

"What?"

"What do you do when you win? Bring an end to the Hunger Games? Try to get me killed? Why are you doing all of this?" he asks, standing directly in front of you. Your chests rub against each other with every breath you take. You lift your head slightly, staring at him defiantly.

"So YOU won't win." you finally reply, shuddering as he takes your hand gently in his and starts tracing patterns on it with his thumb.

He leans towards you so that you could rest your chin on his shoulder if you wanted to. You shiver, feeling the warmth of his body close to yours and feeling his lips gently brush against your earlobe.

"Snow lands on top." he whispers, hot air caressing your ear as he bites the lobe of it.

"Y/L/N takes everything." you whine, digging your nails into his neck. He gasps in surprise, his hands gripping your waist tightly as he presses you against the elevator wall with his body.

"Or nothing. But don't worry. When I win, there will be no one who can stop me from marring you."

"IF you win, then I will be gone. You will never find me. Just like your little songbird." you can see the fury in his eyes at the mere mention of her. His grip on you tightens.

"She is not mine. You are. Accept it and end this. You don't want to be president. I do. There is nothing more powerful than you and me, so and this damn kind of punishment for me and accept your place as my First Lady."

"Maybe I don't want this… but it will be so funny to watch you fail," you say, tilting your head and watching him closely as his nostrils flare with rage at your stubbornness. "Besides, I'd rather shoot myself in the head than be your wife."

"There was a time when you wanted it. When it was all we dreamed of. You and me. Together. Against the whole world."

"That's how it was. When I thought you were worth something more, when you were my top priority. I thought you wanted something more than money and power, but it looks like I never meant for you that much to be as important to you as you were to me. Or maybe I didn't know you at all." you say, no longer hiding the hurt in your voice, and you press the button on the damn elevator to get away from him.

You promised yourself that you wouldn't show him how much he hurt you or how much you missed him. But apparently he wanted to make sure he destroyed not only your Coryo but you as well.

You look away from him, ignoring the fact that he suddenly went quiet next to you. All he did was look at you. And you avoided his gaze, afraid that you would melt in front of him and that you would show him your heart again.

The elevator opens, and you sigh in relief. However, it doesn't last long. You tense up when you see reporters downstairs, waiting at the exit.

"Smile for the picture." you say, and drag him with you towards the exit.

You quickly let go of his arm as he obediently follows you, and you try to ignore the fact that his fingers lightly brush against your hand as if he wants to grab it. You move away from him gently and quickly walk past the reporters and paparazzi.

You quickly get into your car and nod to the driver to go. You lean back in your seat and sigh deeply, placing a hand over your racing heart. You can't help but glance at Coriolanus.

Thanks to your car's tinted windows, he can't see you. Still, he watches your car with his eyes, and for a small moment, you think that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't all rotten to the core. Maybe, in his twisted way, he still cares about you.

The first round of elections was behind you. As you expected, Coriolanus and you achieved the greatest results. The game for the presidency of Panem has begun to be fought solely between you two.

And you were about to play the first dirty card against him. Clemensia nods at you as you head towards the podium and the microphone.

"Good evening, everyone. Thank you very much for all your votes and the trust you have placed in both me and my, well, rival after all." people chuckle gently, you find Coriolanus' curious gaze in the crowd. "I am convinced that, no matter who of us wins the upcoming elections, Panem will be in good hands anyway." You see a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes as he comes closer, moving freely through the crowd. The look in his blue eyes never leaves you for a minute. You would tremble, intimidated by his attention, if you didn't know, what would happen in a few minutes. "Without further ado, I would like to introduce someone who will certainly make this evening more pleasant. You have no idea how much I had to beg our star of the evening to agree to perform today. Ladies and gentlemen. At my ask and to your delight. The one and only Lucy Gray Baird!"

As you leave the stage, you glance at Coriolanus, seeing him staring at the woman with the guitar appearing on stage in shock and mild horror.

You stand further away from the crowd, on the other side of the room—as far away from Coriolanus as you can be—and watch him carefully, leaning against the wall.

You have to admit that Lucy Gray is stunningly beautiful. And the legend she has created around herself, her voice, and her skills only make her more perfect in the eyes of others.

You're not surprised that she charmed Coriolanus months ago and now. In fact, you expect Snow, too overcome with emotion upon meeting her again, to forget his façade and pursue her. With a bit of luck, maybe your people will be able to take compromising photos of him.

But you are surprised when, after watching her for a while, he shifts his gaze to the crowd of people, looking for something. You freeze when his eyes meet yours. You raise an eyebrow, not sure why, instead of staring at the girl, he stubbornly searches for your gaze. Or rather, you don't want to admit that you know the reason why, because that's exactly why you quickly leave the great hall of parliament and run away from the man who is now walking towards you.

And much to your misfortune, Coriolanus Snow learns from his mistakes. That's why you suddenly bump into someone a few metres from the exit at the end of the corridor leading to the elevator. You collide against a wall of toned muscles. His arms quickly wrap around you, keeping you from falling.

"Leaving so soon?" his whisper sent unwanted shivers down your spine, as did how close your face was to his.

"Get your hands off me." you snap at him and get out of his grip. You stare at the elevator, contemplating how to get past him and get in, but he sees your intentions in your eyes and blocks any escape route with his body.

"What game are you playing?" he asks, staring at you. You lift your head, returning his defiant glare. "I don't even care how the hell you found her. Why is she here? What do you need her for?"

"Shouldn't you try to catch your little songbird before she flies away again?" you mock, ignoring all of the questions he asked you.

"I am." he says, staring firmly at you, making you more confused by his actions than before. He should have been after Lucy Gray… why the hell was he keeping you pinned to the wall, blocking your only escape route with his body?

"What?"

"I am not letting you run away. We are solving this here and now." he says this, looking around the hall. You take advantage of his moment of inattention and try to free yourself from his strong grip, but he doesn't move even an inch in your struggle. Fuck his peacekeeper training.

"We have nothing to solve, get it into your stupid head!" you shout at him in frustration, unable to get out of his arms.

"You know what your main problem is? You don't allow yourself the idea that you might be wrong or that you don't know everything about me. I may be a monster, but I've never lied to you. About anything. Lucy Gray and I had nothing when you were with me. Whoever gave you these stupid rumours was lying. Ask her. She'll tell you that the only thing I did was kiss her. When I was drunk in District 12, exactly the day after I got there. And do you know why? Because I was convinced I had fucked up my life and I would never see your damn face again. And fuck, even kissing her couldn't get you out of my mind. All I thought was you. All I think about is you. I can admit it out loud. How about you?"

"I despise you." you growl angrily, struggling in his arms.

"Yes? Then why did you frame Livia for engagement to Festus? You think I don't know it's because of you that they were caught fucking in the garden together?"

"I wanted to discredit you. Show that your girlfriend is sleeping with anyone on the side. Besides, you made Thomas fail at university, and he had to retake his exams today, which is why he couldn't show up. I had to take revenge."

"No. You were jealous of me. You wanted to get rid of her and you did. Why are you playing the gardener dog? Why don't you just admit that you want me?" you roll your eyes at him, trying your hardest to hold on to your internal irritation and fury at him. But it was a very demanding task, considering how his mesmerising icy-blue eyes were now watching you very carefully.

"I don't want you." you say, trying to sound firm but also a little indifferent, enough for him to believe you. But you can see by the way his eyebrow raises that you've screwed up something.

"Yes? Then kiss me." his sudden command leaves you extremely stunned. You almost lose the fight with yourself to keep your jaw from opening from shock.

"What?"

"If you despise me, if you don't care about me, then you will have no problem with kissing me and walking away like nothing had happened." he explains, moving closer to you, your noses brushing against each other, you feel his breath brush against your lips, and the warmth of his mouth is so close that it makes you feel as if you could actually touch him.

"Let me go. I'm not going to make a fool of myself for your own amusement. Those days are gone forever; we are not a couple, and we will never be together again. Get over it!"

"Then kiss me. C'mon. Prove your point. Kiss me as if you hate me. As if you despise every little part of me just as much as you claim. Prove that you have absolutely no feelings towards me despite hatred and grudges."

And God, you want it. You want it so much that it hurts you not to be able to press your lips to his right here and now.

You know that the moment your lips meet his, all your cold demeanour towards him will melt away like snow in spring. You know that you will easily return to his arms, giving yourself to him and proving nothing in your favor. And you've come so far—too far—to let him see past your facade now, to let him make you want him even more than you already do.

You shiver as he leans in so that his nose brushes yours as he gently cups your cheeks in his hands. He doesn't make the first move. Of course not. This cunning snake tempts you to give in to your greatest, darkest desires, which you feel ashamed of for having managed to survive in the recesses of your heart.

"End this torment. For both of us sake."

Just a gentle touch, you think, hearing his whisper and feeling his body softly press against yours, complementing you perfectly as always. One taste of his lips. Just one...

Your heart beats fast, and your breaths are mingling in the small space still left between you two. With a trembling hand, he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. His fucking eyes are all you can look at, the unspoken request shining so brightly in them that you can't mistake his desire for anything else. And you give in, tilting your head to place your lips so close to him...

A loud bang makes you both pull away from each other. A drunk senator staggers towards the elevator, nodding at the two of you. He mumbles something under his breath, and after a quick glance towards Coriolanus and a nod of his head, you decide that he will walk him away and make sure he doesn't tell (or remember) how outrageously close the two of you were just moments ago.

You walk back to the party, trying to calm down enough to let the blush fade from your cheeks.

You make sure that Clem sends Lucy to her hiding place after her performance, and you continue to politely smile and pose for photos, promoting your allegiance.

And the next day, when you are reading the morning newspaper, you notice in one of the photos that this bastard put a rose behind your ear.

It was raining heavily.

It was late at night as you were preparing for your speech the next day. You walked around your room with a piece of paper in your hand, gesturing and practicing proper intonation and posture.

“Miss Y/L/N?” you stop when you hear the voice of one of your maids. "We have… an unusual situation."

"What? Did something happen?" you ask, confused at her uncertain tone of voice.

"It depends on how you interpret the situation, miss." you raise an eyebrow at her questioningly. She points to the window. You frown in surprise, but walk over to the window anyway.

"What the bloody hell is he doing here?" you whisper, seeing Coriolanus standing in your garden. He was completely soaked. His hair and coat were soaked with water, clinging to him as he stared at your window, standing still as the rain hit him.

"David says he's been there for several hours. He tried to talk to him and get him to leave, but Mr. Snow… just stands there."

Your first instinct would be to close the curtains and pretend he wasn't there, but you didn't want to think about the scandal that would start if anyone found out that your rival was standing outside your window in the full rain like some lovesick puppy. It was obvious he had to be here for a reason. It was probably some dirty play on his part. Something that was intended to negatively impact your candidature.

But then you looked at him. Even when you showed up, his gaze was... disturbingly empty. He couldn't fake it that well. It was not like he could completely hide his reaction to seeing you.

"Does anyone else know about this?" she shakes her head, and you sigh. You have no idea why he's standing outside your window in the heavy rain. You're just thanking fate for him choosing the day your parents left the Capitol to behave so strangely. You just hoped no meddlesome paparazzi saw him. "All right. Make sure it stays that way." you ask her and walk out of your room.

Walking downstairs to get to your coat and umbrella, you wonder why the hell he's standing outside in front of your mansion, staring at your window, risking getting sick with all the rain pouring down on him furiously.

It has happened before that he was standing under your window. Before this whole Hunger Games thing started, Dr. Gaul and Lucy Gray he would often sneak up to you through your window to talk about what was bothering him.

But that was a long time ago. And now you had no idea what he was doing out there and in all this rain.

You wrap your coat around yourself and take an umbrella as you go outside. The rain somehow seeps through your shields, hitting you unpleasantly. Water droplets start to soak into your clothes. You wonder how he stayed there for so many hours.

"What the hell are you doing here? Are you crazy?! Is this another one of your sick tricks against me?!" you shout, walking towards him. But he doesn't answer. His eyes are locked on you as he stands there, motionless. You notice that his eyes are bloodshot from crying, and his hands are shaking slightly, as well as all of his body. You don't know if it's from the cold or from crying. "Coriolanus?" you ask, starting to seriously worry about him.

He trembles even more, not looking at you. He fixes his gaze on your shoes. What worries you is that he is completely oblivious to the rain pouring down on him. As if he didn't feel anything at all anymore.

“Alright, come on.” you say, pulling him by the arm towards your mansion. You hide him a bit under the umbrella, but it doesn't change the fact that he's soaked like a dog. Maybe even worse.

His silence, the lack of any emotion on his face, worries you. You haven't seen him like this before. So… empty.

You enter the house through the back entrance. You put the umbrella down and turn towards him. Seeing that he's still not reacting to any stimuli and acting like he's on some kind of autopilot, you walk up to him and start unbuttoning his coat.

He doesn't comment on your behavior. Neither do you say anything. You just want to get him out of all those wet clothes so he won't get seriously sick... You have no idea why you worry or why you care. Maybe you are on some kind of autopilot too.

As you lead him to your room, you are involuntarily reminded of all the times he snuck there with you. When you were still the closest people to each other in this world. When you came to each other for comfort. When you were each other's only shelter.

"I should still have some of your old clothes here. You should go change and take a warm bath. There's no way you wouldn't get sick after this." you say, walking over to your clothes chest and looking for some of his old shirts and pants.

"Grandma'am is dead." he says it in an empty, emotionless tone of voice. You freeze in shock and slowly turn to face him. He still stands where you left him, his gaze blankly fixed on the space next to you.

You don't say anything. You don't know what to tell him anyway. You just stare at him, waiting for him to say something more. It bothers you how he just… doesn't do anything. Acting as if all that was left of him was an outer shell, a facade that barely held together.

You walk up to him and take his cold hand hesitantly into yours. You stare at them for a moment and look up, meeting his icy, bloodshot eyes.

"I... I am so sorry, Coriolanus." his bitter laugh at your words might be a good sign after his disturbing behaviour earlier, but somehow it worries you even more than his silent attitude and blank stare.

''You will never forgive me, will you? You will always see me only as a monster? As a murder and nothing more?" he asks, hearing that you still call him by his name, even at a time like this. The version he hated, instead of the sweet nickname he hadn't heard in a long time. Which even Tigris stopped using.

"Thta's not..." you start, concerned at the calm tone in which he says it. As if the truth of what was happening between you was starting to dawn on him.

"This is exactly what I am to you! A heartless monster! But you know what?! I AM NOT! And you... you are a hypocrite." he starts getting angry and pushes your hands away from him as he paces around your room.

"Me?!" you scream at him, disbelieving. You step in front of him, blocking his path and forcing him to face you.

"YES! You! You may not be a murderer, but you do something much worse. Your indifference, your hatred, and your aversion towards me—do you think it doesn't do anything to me? You've been killing me and hurting me day after day since I left the fucking Capitol and was sentenced to exile. And since I came back, your face, your voice, and your memories haunt me more than ever before. Missing you is killing me. Watching you from afar is killing me. Not being able to hold you in my arms is killing me. You said you could confidently say you're not a murderer. I do not agree. You kill me every day, and each time in a more cruel way. But all I can do is follow you like some faithful puppy, waiting for you to change your mind and give me a chance to show you that I'm not lost, that I'm not a monster, and that I didn't WANT any of this to happen! I spend every sleepless night, when I can't pass out in bed due to exhaustion and lack of sleep, thinking about you! And even now... when my life is falling apart around me, all I can do is... come to you. Just like I've always done."

He's shaking with emotion, and you think you've never seen him so moved or so shaken before. You wonder if he might have gotten drunk, but those thoughts quickly leave you when he suddenly leans down and wraps you in his arms. He buries his face in your neck, inhaling your scent as he continues to shiver. His wet clothes start to soak yours, but all you feel is his breath on the skin of your neck.

"I miss you so much, petal…" he whispers, and you stroke his wet hair, unable to tell if it's his tears soaking the collar of your shirt or his wet clothes or skin from rain. In fact, it doesn't really matter to you at all right now.

"Why did you come here? Of all places…"

"And where else could I go?" he interrupts you, his eyes looking at you so… pleadingly. As if there really was no other place on earth he could go in such a situation, where he could wallow in his grief and despair.

"I don't know… to Livia or…" he cuts you off before you can finish your sentence. He tangles his hand in your hair and pulls you in for a kiss. His lips are terribly cool against yours, but it only enhances how amazing you feel as he caresses your lips tenderly with his. 

He slowly steals the warmth from you, which you're strangely happy about while he's deepening the kiss. You press yourself against him, slowly warming him up, his wet clothes uncomfortably transferring their wetness to yours, which you ignore in favour of kissing him. Just like the drops of cold water dripping from his hair onto your forehead, which doesn't sober you up and doesn't make you move away from him. If anything, you place your hand around his neck and pull him closer.

Eventually, though, you both have to pull away, gasping for air. You both take shaky breaths, his forehead resting against yours, as your senses slowly begin to come back to you. But you're secretly glad that his hands don't leave you as he uses the pad of his thumb to stroke your cheek, your lips, your cheekbone, anywhere he has a chance to touch you, as long as he doesn't take his hand away from your face.

"Only you saw me in my fragile form. Only you saw my shattered heart and the shell of myself. I... only allow myself to be vulnerable with you." he whispers with his eyes closed, keeping his forehead pressed against yours, trying his best to hold on to you as if you were his only anchor.

"Being sad, mad, or vulnerable doesn't mean being weak. Don't be ashamed of having emotions. I... all I ever wanted... was for you to... to be something more than all of these people in the Capitol. To be someone more than what Dr. Gaul tried to mould you into. You are a good man, Coryo. Please show me that you can still be that man. That my friend and lover is still there."

You don't talk to each other anymore after that. You don't know whether he has heard your request or is even considering granting it. All you know is that you lost that night. That the rational part of you had gone to fuck itself, seeing him so vulnerable and hurt, just as you were.

So, when he tries to break away from you and walk away, you grab his wrist tightly, stopping him.

"Stay. Don't go." you whisper. You don't know if it's a request or an order. He doesn't think twice about it either, turning back to you after a moment and pulling you into his chest as he holds you tightly in his arms and buries his face in your hair.

And he stays. You manage to get him to take a hot shower and some medicine in case he catches a cold.

This night, you fell asleep in each other's arms. Every now and then you stop stroking his hair, his back, and drawing patterns on his chest to use the pad of your thumb to gently wipe away the tears that sometimes fall from his gorgeous blue eyes.

And in the morning, when all that remains from him is a scent of him, of his cologne, and a dent on the pillow, you can't help but feel disappointed and silently hope that maybe your Coryo is still alive.

You haven't had a chance to be alone with him since then. You both are too busy running your campaign and the ongoing rivalry between you two.

However, you notice that he has stopped sending gifts, late-night phone calls, or other ways of getting your attention. Whatever relationship you had was purely political. You didn't know whether to be happy or cry.

Tigris stopped talking about him. You don't know if it's a good change, but she doesn't mention her cousin anymore. She was quieter after her grandmother died. The black clung to her wardrobe and skin, highlighting her paler than usual complexion.

It was the evening they were supposed to announce the election results.

You took the elevator to the top floor of the Snow apartment, picking up Tigris and Clem on the way and heading to your house to either celebrate your success or failure.

You sigh tiredly, leaning against the elevator behind you. You close your eyes and listen as it moves up to the next floor.

You open your eyes when you hear a soft, buzzing sound. Things have changed a bit since you were last here. The interior was, of course, renovated and more elegant, but somehow... more emptier.

You try to shake off the feeling as you go further.

"Tigris?! I'm here!" you shout as you enter the living room.

You look around curiously, waiting for the blonde. You walk over to the bookshelf, looking through its contents. You choose one of the books and sit on the couch, but before you open it, you notice a framed photo on the coffee table.

You take the frame in your hands and look at an old photo of you and Coryo at the end of one year at the Academy. You cup your hand around his cheek, pulling him closer to you as you press a kiss on his cheek.

You smile as you remember the circumstances of taking this photo.

Sejanus found an old camera among his father's belongings. He insisted on taking photos to celebrate the end of a difficult year of study for all of you. You didn't know that Sejan developed the photos and gave them to Coriolanus.

And you certainly didn't expect him to keep them.

“I'm afraid Tigris is not here.” you place the photo on the coffee table and slowly turn towards Coriolanus. His hair is not combed with gel; it is slightly messy, and he has those adorable, damn curls on his head again. "She left a few minutes ago. You must have passed each other."

"Oh. She probably went to Clem's." you say, standing there slightly awkwardly and looking at him. He's wearing a black shirt and pants. Slightly wrinkled for your taste and definitely too wrinkled for his. "Are you alone?" you ask, unable to stop yourself.

"I am." he says, putting his hands in his pockets, walking around the couch so that he's now standing next to you, and picking up the book you were planning to read before Tigris came downstairs. "I guess your Thomas is waiting for you at your home."

"We... kind of broke up. Well, we weren't together, but… our paths diverged." you admit, taking the opportunity to have his back turned to you as he walked over to put the book back on the shelf. You can see his shoulders tense slightly. You've never wanted to run your hands down his muscular back more.

"What a pity. Right when I remembered his name…" he murmured. You take a few steps towards him, the click of your high heels echoing throughout the empty apartment.

"You always knew it, you were just too offended and angry to use it." he chuckles at your words and turns to face you, leaning his back gently against the bookshelf.

"Maybe." he hums, nodding his head, his eyes studying you intently.

"Maybe." you repeat after him, warmth rising in your chest as you see a stray strand of his hair fall onto his forehead.

"You should go back. I believe they will announce the results soon." he moves past you to grab the photo from the coffee table and places it on the chest of drawers next to the chair next to the bookcase. In the meantime, he turned on the TV, and he was right—they were going to report the results soon.

"What will you do if… you don't win?" you ask him, and he freezes for a moment. He sets things on the shelf, trying to arrange everything perfectly as he ponders his answer. You are getting a little nervous since you can't see his eyes or facial expression.

"I'll think of something for myself. Don't be happy. You won't be able to dance over my grave for a long time." you snort, shaking your head in amusement at his answer.

"I believe that in this case, it will be you who will be dancing at my funeral. And quite quickly."

"Stop it. You know damn well that I would never hurt you." he snaps at your answer as he turns to face you. You have been taken aback by his sudden reaction, but your defense system quickly kicked in.

"Sejanus..."

"I regret it every fucking day. Every day I wake up in the morning and don't see you on the other side of my bed. Every day I spend time surrounded by people I can't trust. Every day when I see Tigris' betrayed look and your disappointed, hurt gaze, it haunts my dreams as much as his screams. And maybe I'm a monster because I really don't care if he lives or dies, but I REGRET IT. Honestly. By you. Because of you. Because I lost you. I... I had lost you." he whispers the last sentence, as if it's only now dawning on him what really happened. It breaks your heart to see him like this, especially after what happened a few weeks ago.

"Coriolanus..." you say this and reach out to grab his arm, but this time he's the one pulling away from you. And the treatment you've gotten from him, just the same as you've once treated him, is tasting bitter.

"Just leave." he says, his eyes averting from you as he stares at the window overlooking the Capitol.

You walk up to him and place your hand on his shoulder. He turns his gaze away from the city in front of him and looks at you questioningly, not understanding what you are doing right now.

'Coriolanus... I..."

"And the president of Panem becomes… Y/N Y/L/N! Congratulations, Madam President!" the hosts' shouts and fanfare echo from the television, interrupting you. It takes you a while to realise what happened. Your hand falls from his shoulder as you stare dazedly at the TV behind him. You won. You became president.

Realisation hits you. You have no idea what will happen next. And... you're afraid. But not that you can't handle it. Not that you'll have a lot of new responsibilities, or even how many people you'll have to deal with from now on. NO. You are afraid that HE will never be close to you again. And the last few weeks... the last few weeks, maybe even months—had shown you that you couldn't live without him next to you anymore.

You needed Coriolanus Snow… as much as he needed you.

"Congratulations." his words snap you out of your shock and numbness. He sticks out his hand, waiting for you to take it and shake it. But you can only stand there, staring at him as you try to sort out your feelings. "You won't even shake my hand? Am I not worth even that, Madam President?"

You shake your head.

You hear him snort, laughing bitterly at your action, believing this is another example of your stubborn behaviour towards him. He drops his hand, obviously hurt, and is about to respond when you suddenly take a step towards him, cup his cheeks in your hands, and pull him in for a kiss.

He is surprised. Probably the same as you, but he gets over it rather quickly as he automatically responds to your kiss, caressing your lips with his as fervently as ever.

At some point, you end up on his couch, your hands moving from his neck to under his shirt. Your touch breaks him out of the trance you put him in. He takes your hands in his and moves them away from his body.

"I don't want your pity." he huffs, pulling away from you as he stands in front of the couch. You pull him towards you by his shirt so that he's straddling you, and you kiss him again, effectively silencing him as your hands land on the buttons of his shirt.

"You've never had it." you mumble between kisses, trailing your fingers over the bare skin and muscles of his back, and he moans softly into your neck, leaving a few hickeys there along his way to the buttoms of your own blouse. "It was always either my love or grudge."

"And now?" he asks, moving away from you again. His blue eyes stare intently into yours, and you know your answer depends on how this evening goes. And you missed the comforting feeling of his skin against yours too much to worry about his morality, of which you were apparently the sole soul that wanted and was able to take care of.

"Both of them." you reply, licking your lips. Maybe he was right from the beginning? Maybe you were destined to end up together? Maybe you were really the only thing that could keep him on the right path? But were you willing to devote your life to keeping him in check?

"I can work with that." you moan as he kisses you while lifting you off the couch. Your blouse falls somewhere on the floor as he carries you along the familiar path to his bedroom.

His lips caress yours gently like never before. His hands are practically everywhere, gently stroking every bit of your exposed skin. He pins you against his bedroom door and sucks on your neck, leaving a hickey. You moan again, causing the same reaction from him.

"Please, don't ever leave me again." he whispers into your mouth before trying to devour you again.

"Then don't give me a reason to do it." you whisper back, combing his hair as he pulls away from you enough to open the door. He kisses you all the way to his bed, stroking your waist gently.

He lays you down on the bed, his mouth moving to your neck, licking and sucking, leaving a few marks there as his hands moved down to the button of your pants.

"Wait. Wait." he listens to you immediately. He freezes, lifting his head to look at you with concern and a worried expression on his face. "You're not mad that I won?" he gives you such a beautiful smile and laugh that, for a moment, all you can do is watch him.

He was so ethereal... breathtaking in every sense of this word. You have no idea how you managed to stay away from him for that long... even knowing what he did.

"I love you. I have always loved you and always will. I'll get over the fact that you won't be my First Lady."

"Well... you can be my First Lord... or something like that..." he laughs at that and leans in to kiss you. You cup his cheeks in your hands and pull him closer to you. You moan into his mouth as his bare skin touches yours.

You whine in protest as he pulls away from you. He looks deep into your eyes and caresses your cheek tenderly with his hand.

"You sure?" you smile slightly and nod, placing your hands on his shoulders as he pulls you closer to him again. "We shall create a dynasty, my beautiful little petal." he promises you, placing soft kisses on your collarbones. You run your hands through his blond locks, pulling his head and lips to yours. "My most precious diamond." he plants another kiss, this time on the corners of your mouth, undoing your bra. "Mine."

"Coryo..." you moan, and he responds in kind, happy to finally hear his nickname falling lovingly from your lips like it used to.

You don't care what happens next. What will happen the next day? What will happen when you take over as president? Will he try to gain more influence than you? Will he continue working for Gaul? Or maybe you will unite your forces and create a presidential couple that Panem has never seen before. You do not know. All he cares about is his touch, his mouth, and his body against you.

And in the morning, when you wake up wrapped in his arms as he places kisses on your temple and tenderly, lazily draws patterns on your back with his fingers, you realise how good it was to be back where you belonged.

You realise how good it felt to wake up in your Coryo's arms again. Even if neither of you were the same person you once were. And you will certainly have more than one fight, dramatic breakup or silent fight for influence and power.

But after all, love was stronger than any grudge you could feel towards your Coryo... or at least as long as he still was him.

[nunehs]

(𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐞)𝐀𝐫𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐁𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐡 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬: 𝐕𝐢, 𝐉𝐢𝐧𝐱 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐲𝐧

𝐕𝐢

-She definitely is a try hard in PE lessons

-One of those kids that skips lesson to go vape in the toilets

-She picked PE, Spanish and Business

-Has over 50 behaviour points mainly because she gets caught roaming in the corridor and talks back to the teachers when she gets sent out

-Been excluded at least twice

-Sleeps during business class, no one can convince me that it’s a fun subject

-Plays football on the astro EVERY lunch when it’s their years day on it

-Theres a sports after school club? She’s there.

-Only picked Spanish so she could go on the trips with Caitlyn

-She would be really good at math. She would get full marks on 99% of the tests.

-Tries to get the last clap in assembly

-One of those annoying kids that makes fart noises in the back if the class

-Always gets told off for swinging on her chair. She knows the cracked skull story off by heart

-Holds back a laugh whenever the teacher shouts at her

-Never has her jumper on, she’s always taking it off the minute a teacher tells her to put it on

-NEVER does her homework

- Whenever she gets sent out she repeats ‘What have I done?’

𝐉𝐢𝐧𝐱

-Picked Art, Design tech and Music

-Graffitis the toilet stalls. She writes those tables that say ‘What are you here for?’

-Throws paper airplanes across the class at people she doesn’t like

-Really good a science and doodles little diagrams on her test papers

-Has at least 20 behaviour points, but only because she’s about 10 minutes late to lessons he hates

-Always finishes her Design tech projects first

-Sleeps during form

-Throws wet toilet paper at the ceiling

-Has to leave the class during the minute silence to prevent her from laughing at the silent class (the music does that help her case either)

-Stabbed someone with a pencil in music, they we’re spamming the music button on the keyboards and it pissed her off

-Has 70% attendance and has a pastoral concern on her sims

-Has a collection of people’s Yr7 pictures on her phone for blackmail purposes

-Loudly shouts ‘MISS SOMEONE IS ONE THEIR PHONE!!’ and gets the person in trouble

-Is hated on by all the popular girls

-Did work experience at mcdonalds

𝐂𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐥𝐲𝐧

-Is never late to school or lesson

-She is that kid in English class that knows everything about the subject and uses complicated words that not even the teacher knows

-Perfect uniform and to top it off she’s the head girl

-Picked Italian, Triple science and Food tech

-Goes on every school trip possible

-She’s good at every subject that could possibly exist

-Reads out in assembly and wins nearly every awards assembly to the point that even she’s fed up of it

-Has never missed a homework and always completes her assignments

-Has a tutor that teaches her Italian because it’s one of the hardest subjects (out of the main three)

-Was once caught in a stall with Vi and managed to go without a punishment and instead got Vi in trouble saying she was ‘forced into the stall’

-Buys a ham sandwich every lunch without fail

-During secret Santa she buys her person the most pricey gift and they immediately know who their secret Santa was.

-Has 1 behaviour point but got it removed because it wasn’t her who did said thing

-Watches Vi play on the astro and has nearly had a football kicked at her face

-BEST mates with Mel

-Only good at certain subjects in PE, like netball and rounders.

-Makes the best meals in Food tech and has never burnt her food

[ma3mae]

Don't be so annoyed, love!

Summary: He's so annoying sometimes but it's ok because you love him 😭 (HC w/ Dazai, Kunikida, Ranpo)

Genre: Crack, fluff, lowkey suggestive themes

Warnings: 🗿 we ignoring the red flags bc we can. also mentions of farting bc dazai 🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿

A/N: u cant tell me that they wouldnt do any of these things ok 💀also kunikida's got a small drabble out of nowhere but im always wildin when it comes to him 😭😭😭😭😭

Dazai Osamu

u cant tell me that as soon as hes rly comfortable in ur relationship that he WOULD NOT be ashamed of just farting outta nowhere honestly 💀

Like yall r just chilling on the couch, watching smth and he just lets it all out bc why should he hold himself back 🗿

Hes at home 🗿

But bro's lucky he doesnt smell but 🗿🗿🗿🗿 wheres the warning from him

u give him the side eye and hes like "What? Are you perhaps ashamed of human nature, bella?" like ok we'll leave him alone but he ruined the emotional moment of the movie yall were watching 😭😭😭

Is also the type to prob leave his socks and clothes lying around

It got better over time but he still sometimes does it bc old habits die hard i guess 🧍

once got so bad you just collected all of his clothes and put them infront of the door so he'd have no choice but to pick all of that up and do it himself 💀

would try to talk his way out of it in the beginning but also felt kinda bad after the relationship got more and more serious

So now hes a good bf/ husband and does it himself 🤩 (with the occasional sock under the couch 💀)

drinking habits would take a bit longer to be fully gone, he'd learn to regulate it over time

He's learned to warn you tho when he thinks that a rly shitty day might hit him bc work and more

sometimes you take the day off and do something together to take his mind off of it

Sometimes you're at work and a "im home" text without hearts will come and you know whats wrong

would feel more comfortable over time letting you take care of him

will definitely show you his appreciation for you the next days in one way or the other 🤩💅

talking about living together, yall would often have to sit down to talk about his spendings bc our man cant save for ANYTHING

Used to often come home with little things like "Look, this reminded me of you!" and it's a plushie of a cat or something

Started off cute and small but got dramatic like him really fast

ngl he came home with a expensive necklace u liked when the both of u went shopping but u didnt buy it bc.. she expensive...

like he was charming as always with his "Tada! Guess what I've got you?~ 😋" ".... Not the necklace...? 😧" "🤩 How did you guess that right, bella??" "😨😨"

THIS man right here wouldnt even hesitate to just right out fking steal shit for you if u want it bc thats how much Power u got over him he'd never admit that tho sksks... OK maybe in bed...

he'd def either blackmail or bribe chuuya into helping him with stealing

probably even has access to his bank account and you'd only realize that when he'd stand infront of your door, asking where that "f*cking b*stard" is

you'd legit have to mediate their convo or else the whole building you live in would be gone immediately skks 💀

Chuuya likes u so he wouldnt make yall pay for it bc he knows that dazai's nearly broke 24/7 and u dont deserve to pay for his fault 💅

it would be enough to destroy his pride to make him obey chuuya for like 2 weeks or sum cue evil cackling from said red head

queen of Gaslightining nr. 1 😭 sometimes its for the dumbest arguments tho like why its okay to smack your lips while eating 😭

"I don't know it's just really noisy and kinda annoying for me?" "But Bella, that shows just how tasty your food is or are going to deny that fact and say that I should not show my appreciation for it? What if for me personally it's a sign of a good meal?" "Yeah but doesnt need to be that for me. Also you can show your appreciation for it in other ways like just simply saying its delicious?"

"But actions speak louder than words, my love." "YEAH, well then what do you want then???"

Its just a whole shit show and would (lmao it WILL) end in him giving you just shameless bedroom eyes and well you know whats gonna be after dinner lmaooo 🤡😭

Also also i do believe that hes not the best cook at first but hes a real fast learner so it prob would only take him a week of consuming cooking videos and reading books and BOOM

"Samu, is this a 3 course meal you're cooking because that's a LOT of ingredients in the kitchen." "Sssh just sit down, wash yourself up and enjoy the evening, my love! I'll call you when I'm done 💕"

Manages to somehow still give you some snacks and drinks in between the cooking 😭 with some sneaked in kisses on your shoulder or lips 😏

If you go and hug him from behind, he'll be MELTING

Like nuzzling your face into his back while wrapping your arms around his torso, you feel the slight rumble in his chest as he chuckles at your cute action 😭

"If you want to eat something then you should take a break from being so cute, you know? Don't want the food to go bad from maybe getting a bit distracted if you stay here for a bit longer." "Ew, are you implying you'd start something infront of our food??"

"... Well, I can just have a whole meal by myself but you'd be left hungry so it's your choice 😋"

🗿 the way he doesnt need long to be turned on is alwaya amazing to u but thats just how whipped he is and bro is a whole snack himself so WHOS complaining 😋💅

food's is guaranteed to taste heavenly but if he knows youve got time, then he'd make excuses to taste your cooking like

"Samu, it's been a while since I've gotten to taste your cooking." "Aww, was it that delicious for you? Hmm but I actually prefer your cooking!"

Time for some cooking and baking lessons together, eoow 💅 with the occasional make out session because the sauce found it's way on your lips and he just had to clean it up with his 😭😋

honestly despite all of some of the difficulties, dazai would never fail in making you feel loved in his own way even tho u gotta peel back some layers 🗿

At the end of the day, his bear hugs and many kisses are smth u love to come back home to after work

also doesnt say it but would def be a house husband for u 🤩 with the occasional "whoops gotta go and do smth quick" text and he comes home at like midnight skks bc the agency needs his cute ass 😋 but dw dinner's ready and house chores have been done so enjoy ur evening after work, zurlie 💅

dont kill me for this but id give him a 7.5/10 😭

Obsessed with him and i love him but it would prob be really really exhausting to get him to FULLY trust you and its honestly understandable

Also he kinda makes me feel like i'd have to walk on eggshells around him because you often dont really know what hes thinking 😭😭

could smile at u while thinking "why u so ugly" 😭😭

also bro is so smooth, its scary like he'd prob make us forget immediately that hes trying to find out everything about us(why he sounding like a stalker 😨😨 wouldnt want him to be MY stalker 😨😨 or would I?? 🤩) MY DELULU BRAIN 👹

Doppo Kunikida

😨 Cleaning maniac

personification of the verse "I can COOk, i can CLEAN" (i know its "dont" instead of can but we all know hes like perfect house husband material... maybe a bit too perfect 💀💀💀👹)

If u forgot a cup on the dinner table, he'd legit take the cup, put it in ur hand and be like "why did u leave it there if u r not using it"

WILL def rant about why u shouldnt do it

Honestly huge nagging mom vibes 💀💀

At the beginning of moving in together, he'd just clean everything without a word whatsoever

Like you wanna help around the house too? NUH UH, he already finished everything up.

Vaccuming the house? Done

Swiping? Lmao be sure to not arrive at home after work around that time bc u gotta stand at the door and WAIT until the floor is dried 💀😭

Dishes have been done like at 5 in the fucking morning 💀👹

Bro thankfully doesn't wash clothes that often (gotta be careful of the water bill 😭) but there r days where he legit throws his clothes nearly everyday bc the worse the mission the more blood yk 🗿🗿

U had to legit drag his ass to the couch to talk to him bc he gonn be deep clean the house if someone doesnt stop him

"Kuni, you literally don't need to do EVERYTHING by yourself! I'm also here to help and frankly, it feels like you're my maid sometimes 😞" " Don't worry. Everything fits perfectly in my time plan and since you sometimes work overtime, it's better if I do a bit more of it."

... "🗿 You are legit saving this city from being destroyed so often and I just sit in the office, bro 🤡" "I understand your argument but I have seen the way you look tired so often so let me take a bit of your burden"

He knows how to make us go "🥺"

The argument prob went on for an hour until yall settled on making a plan on who does what on which days and if someone's gotta work overtime or sum then the other takes a bit of it over and so on

So in the end its alrighty 🎉

Groceries and so on are never a problem except it sometiems turns out like going shopping with your mom because...

"Omg Kuni, look!!" *holds up cute decoration* "We could put this on our dinner table! Isn't it cute 🥺??"

Bro just takes it from you and looks at the price. Legit gives you the 🤨 look

"That's 937,32 Yen (around 6€) 🤨🤨. For a tiny statue of a dog? We could find it somewhere way cheaper." "🥺 But it's a limited edition and it reminds me of you bc its got the same fur color 🥺. It's even got ur glasses on 🥺"

Bro will say no but the day after you spot the dog on the table 🤡

Yall lying in bed together and cuddle so give him a peck on the lips while killing him with your cute ass smile (U MURDERER 🗿🗿)

"What was that for?" "Hmmm, well I just noticed that said statue magically appeared on our table. You think it was a cute long haired fairy with glasses and a grumpy look 😋? "

He tries really hard to deadpan at you but the corner of his lips still tug upwards as he pinches your nose

"Well, sometimes its not so bad to buy a little extra, I guess."

If theres a market nearby with some really good deals then you'd either be dragged together with him or he'd come home after work with tons of bags

Always surprises you in how good he is at negotiating about the price

Sometimes you gotta stop him from arguing with some of the shop keepers because some decided to sell some items way too overpriced 🗿🗿🗿

you once found him stay up all night researching about reasonable prices for veggies... 😨

and cue to yall standing in the morning infront of said shop keeper getting absolutely destroyed in an argument by your man.. 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨

Well guess who even got some extra free stufd because kuni terrified the shit out of him 😋

"Thank you for your hard work in harvesting and selling us these delicious vegetables. My wife is quite a fan of them." Your husband said as he put the money into the shop keepers shaky hands, face red in embarassement as he squeezed out a "It's nothing." between his teeth. His face paled at the words "We'll see each other next Monday. Until then have a great week." leaving your man's mouth as he gave him a friendly smile before taking your hand and going to the next stall,only for you to sheepishly wave goodbye to the shop keeper before going with your husband.

"Well, you gave him quite the scare back there." You said as you felt him squeeze your hand a bit tighter, the bustling of the array of people only increasing by minutes. "Someone had to correct his ways. It would help his sales but only if he's willing to take that advice seriously." he simply answered as he looked at the contents of the bag, counting the ingredients left to purchase.

"Well atleast we got ourselves more than we needed so we can go home and call it a day." "Who are you?" Chuckling at your surprised face out of the corner of his eyes, he continued to make his way towards the end of the market, to finally reach your car.

"I thought over your words and I do believe it would be nice to" laze around together "for once in a while. Everything in the house has already been done, so maybe we could try out that one series you've been talking about. The reviews seem to be quite positive about it."

He just lets a breathy laugh escape his lips at your squeal while you begin to rant on why its gonna be so good watching it and

UUUUGGHHGH 😭😭😭😭 GIVE ME KUNIKIDAAAAAAAGHHHHHH 😭😭😭🤡🤡👹👹👹

honestly there are like no real red flags like his red flags are disguised green flags and yall can legit work through it easily

The only thing would be his tendency to overwork himself and it could lead to an argument but never a real fight because hes pretty easy to reason with

Like even when hes stubborn, he'll STILL listen to your words because the many good things about him that he'd always make sure to take your words seriously 🗿🗿

which sometimes makes it tempting to tease him bc we can lowkey understand why dazai easily tells him the most outrageous shit and your man just casually writes it down in his notebook 😭

"That damn idiot managed to fool me again by telling me that aliens have been among us (AMOGUS 👹) and that the goverment has been hiding it from us for decades." "I thought you already knew about that tho?"

"What" "What?"

"Wait so they're real?"

Cue to him showing him a video (that dazai sent to you a week ago just for this moment 😭)

Lmao dont tease him too much tho but dw, he cant stay mad at you at all lmao 😋💅

Honestly a 8.5/10 bc his nagging scares me 💀😭

Edogawa Ranpo

"Greatest Detective" more like "Queen of Gaslightining" 👹👹

Everyone knows hes way too obsessed with sweets but how the hell is his teeth actually still existing 🗿🗿

ngl i believe fukuzawa would prob sometimes just randomly ask him if he brushed his teeth bc he lowkey lowkey raised him ok 🤡

Ranpo is all nice like "yup, i did." but when u ask him, hes a whole b*tch about it

"Hah??? Why would you ask me that?? Do you really believe that I'd be so dumb to forget about brushing my teeth? If i can solve the most difficult cases then why would you assume that brushing my teeth might something that I'd forget, huuuhh??"

His gaslightining used to work at the beginning of ur relationship but sooner or later its not hard to notice his patterns 🗿

Like yas ok, he could just put up a whole ass strategy in how to not get u to notice that he didnt brush em at all but bro

Hes too lazy

And hes a sucker for attention 😩 like he might be "annoyed" if u nag at him bc of smth but he absolutely loves it bc its just one of his many ways to get ur attention without him having to actively get up and get it for himself 🤡🤡🤡🤡

Hes a huge clown but i love him 😭

Dazai tends to forget his socks or smth lying on the floor but THIS mf right here just doesnt rly care 😭

Like that was the first thing u noticed when u entered his apartment 🤡

Its not right out messy on a disgusting degree, its more like theres tons of trinkets n shit from cases or just random candy wrap hidden under the couch 💀💀💀

The epitome of "I can do it tomorrow" bc bro doesnt forget, he just IGNORES that he has to do it 😭

might take a while to actually get him to yk do smth around the house

used to prob only sleep and shower at his apartment and thats it💀

But when hes whipped then hes whipped and hed actually try his best to help around the house

Key word "try" 🤡

Like its often tbh accompanied by "okay, ill do it but only if i get smth"

A MANCHILD, I SAY 👹👹👹👹

But there are days when he legit deep cleans everything by himself bc either you had a bad day or yall had a fight 👹👹

still would whip out the "now gimme something, please 😋" if yall cuddle after a fight and he cleaned and tidied everything up for his love 🤩

doesnt always have to be candy yk HEUEHEUEHEUUE 👹👹👹👹👹

also its not a surprise but dont let him near the kitchen

HE COULD

HE RLY COULD COOK SO WELL

Like he had only cooked for ONE time and it was like a fever dream

Bc u legit had a fever and he cooked chicken soup but uhm 🗿

he cooked it so good??? Like veggies n meat cut and cooked up nicely?

Broth kicking in real hard?

Like? "What the hell? I thought you couldn't cook??"

Bro is about to put that spoon fr away 💀

"I'm not so heartless to let you starve and I definitely wont be giving you some cheap soup either. I just looked it up on the internet and followed the instructions so you gotta get well soon because I miss your cooking 🤩🤩"

Are we flattered?? Gurl, maybe but he'd def know if we tried to make ourselves be sick to taste his cooking again

Bro only offers to help when it comes to baking 😪😮‍💨😮‍💨

His only help is licking the dough or chocolate outta the bowl or smth 😀

would sneak in many kisses tho bc he likes u and sweet stuff is just sugar overload for him and he loves it 🤩

I think one of the important factors for him in a relationship is that fukuzawa approves of you? Since he does value his opinion over his own intellect

Like bro trusted him when it came to Fukichi and other ppl 💀

fukuzawa could legit go "aliens r evil" and ranpo would be like "ok everyone, aliens are evil!!!!" 🗿🗿🗿

honesrly i dont think why there would be a reason for fukuzawa not to accept you (if there is one then time to take 100 steps back and reflect on urself 💀)

He'd prob be impressed on how u even fell in love with him bc.. its ranpo💀

petty, clingy, can be manipulative ( but never with ill intentions), would legit prank ur ass bc he can, impatient and quickly bored af

But hes attentive, kind, can be patient when it comes down to it, empathetic (depends sksks) (also thank u fukuzawa for kinda ramming that into his head 🤩), affectionate in his own way (a sucker for physical touch but would NEVER right out admit it 🗿) and so much more honestly

there arent any real red flags tbh (might come as a surprise for some ppl)

Maybe maybe he'd obviously have a bit of difficulty fully opening up and i do believe there might be times where he once or twice legit deducted what ur feelings r for him bc hes used to being careful around people and especially bc in case someonw could randomly target the agency

Or is some kinda criminal in general

But honestly when hes learned to trust you then you know youve got yourself someone loyal 💅 and i mean FR loyal

personal favorite hc and honestly prob canon since we've already seen it : he'd not be ashamed to throw hands at someone when he thinks you're being insulted or harassed

And with hands i mean exposing them to 100% until they are pissing their pants and begging him to leave them alone 🤩🤩🤩

Also also, gives me off a similar vibe to dazai with the "maybe having to walk on eggshells" around them but ranpo doesnt make you feel as watched tbh as dazai which would kinda make it easier to talk to

but bro isnt as smooth as him so whOOP 💀💀

Overall iconic and a solid 8/10 🤩🤩🤩💕💕💕

The random ratings i gave them LMAO 💀💀💀 hope u like em 🗿

[justporo]

A Night of Song and Laughter (Big Part 9!)

So, this is it - the main idea I had in mind when starting this story. You might've noticed it has taken me eight parts to get there, but yeah... There's just so much to explore. This is a really long part and I really poured my heart into this one and finished it in the middle of the night. So I really really hope you will love it (trying hard not to be desperate here, tbh). It's really quite a lot of romance for this part - Astarion deserves it and Tav too. There's seductive music casting a spell, Tav and Astarion dance, their hearts might feel closer than they've ever felt before - but they might be changed when they stop spinning around each other.

You can read this and the parts after it on AO3!

This was the song that inspired the idea: Satyros - Faun And the song that gave me the right mood for the end (only vibes, not the lyrics): Viva La Vida - Coldplay And just for the hell of it, take one of my all time favourite love songs: Muse - Neutron Star Collision

Rating: Explicit

Pairing: Astarion/Fem!Tav (You)

Phew, here we go - hope you'll enjoy!

(Gif from here!)

After that you all turned into a giggling mess from there on out. All the liquor you’d drunk was really making you light-headed. Even Astarion seemed a bit out of it even though you weren’t even sure if vampires could get drunk. But frankly – you really didn’t care.

You’d taken to tell Astarion about some of your collective memories of your adventures as thieves – but only ones that made you scream laughing when you thought about them. Like the time Eodin (“this goddamn prick”, Daegin offered) had hidden in someone’s closet and had only gotten off the hook as a thief because he had pretended to be the lover of the lady of the house – who had been 80 years old, seemingly senile and almost blind. Or the time Daegin and Lira had posed as a noble couple at a party to get to their target although they were the most terrible actors Faerun had ever seen and the dwarf didn’t seem to be able to shake the terrible practiced accent after that for months!

Astarion laughed openly at all your silly stories, asked questions about details, enjoying himself so much making friends with Lira and Daegin that your heart felt like it might burst any second. After another story about how Miyena (“Bitch”, Lira whispered, getting praised by Astarion for her efforts) had almost burned all her hair and her eyebrows off in a failed attempt to use explosives to get into a vault, you were just done wiping tears from your eyes while trying to avoid dying from laughter again, Astarion asked: “Now, come on, my friends, there must be a story about Tav completely embarrassing herself. I truly can’t believe she would never get herself into trouble. At least from my short time of enjoying her company my experience is that you can’t leave her for half an hour before she’ll run off to save some puppy or getting herself thrown into the deep end – always ending up in dire need of saving.” You pinched his side to which he reacted with a dramatic yelp. “You’re one to talk. Like it wasn’t always you having your hands in someone’s pocket who looked at you funny, trying to steal from then and then getting caught”, you spat back at him and stuck your tongue out at him making fart noises. Astarion grabbed your nose and softly shook your face. “Not you trying to sneak up on someone and knocking over the tallest candelabra around!”, he countered, his silly act making you break into giggles again. You pinched one of his pointy ears so he’d let go of your nose.

“Alright, you silly geese, rear it in”, Daegin began, rolling his eyes at the two of you. “There actually is a story.” “Oh, colour me intrigued!”, Astarion exclaimed and turned his attention towards the dwarf.

You drew your brows together because you actually had no memory of what that story could be. Then the dwarf began telling the story while Lira was already giggling: “One time, we actually hadn’t gotten lucky enough to talk ourselves out of a hairy situation. We were actually captured by the city guard and thrown into a cell, awaiting trial the next day. And we were all really panicking because we were sure that – for once – we’d all run out of luck. But” – and here he threw you a secretive glance – “Tav had a genius plan to get us out of there.” The dwarf kept smirking at you and that was, when you remembered how that story went down. Oh shit – just to be prepared you grabbed the almost empty bottle of liquor and poured yourself another generous shot. Astarion leaned back as if to signify how taken aback and interested he was in how the story would continue.

“The one thing we were actually lucky about, was, that we were guarded by a greenhorn. And so, Tav ruffled her hair a little bit, opened up the front of her shirt a little and went to press herself against the bars of the prison cell and started cooing at this boy guard. Telling him that she was actually a nymph, only captured by accident and promising him that she would gift him the most unforgettable night of his life if he let her and us others free.” You buried your face in your hands but this bastard elf grabbed your hands and held them tightly while already starting to laugh. “Don’t you dare cover your face, darling, I need to see your face for this”, Astarion laughed and raised his eyebrow at you – and was that a glint of mischief in his eyes? You were basically burning up with shame in the meantime.

Daegin continued: “Well, the boy was hesitant at first saying how he couldn’t do that since he was only a cadet and stuff but Tav layed it on so thick, sweet-talking him, telling him in incredible detail what she would do to him if only he let us free.” You tried to bury your face in your hands again, now remembering the whole scene in incredible detail as well. But Astarion just shook his head and pulled you close to his chest while holding your hands in his iron grip and raising his eyebrows at Daegin in anticipation.

“So, he finally let us free”, the dwarf continued ignoring you struggling with Astarion so he would just let you sink in the ground “and he made big happy puppy eyes at her when she was standing in front of him – absolutely bewitched by her. And Tav”, now Daegin started struggling with holding it together “just stepped close to him and told him to close his eyes to which he happily obliged and then”, Daegin and Lira could barely stop chuckeling, you winced “she kicked him so hard in the balls you could hear him howl through half the city probably. And dare I say it probably was the end for this young man’s family plans.” Lira started howling with laughter, Daegin had to bury his face in his hands and you could feel Astarion’s chest shake with hearty laughter. And then you couldn’t help but join in, your body shaking with fits of laughter although you couldn’t quite tell if it weren’t sobs after all. You felt delirious from the alcohol, from actually being alive and being so lucky to make memories with your friends again and of course with him – this elven vampire that might just had gone as insane as your two other friends.

“Oh, my little siren”, Astarion laughed while finally letting go of your wrists “please, never do that to me!” He kept chuckling: “If you ever feel the need to kick me in the balls, please just do it fair and square.” He lost it once more, his head lolling back while laughing. You didn’t think you ever saw him this relaxed before – never had he opened that much before with anyone else but you.

You hugged him and pursed your lips while everyone’s laughter was slowly reclining. “Don’t worry, darling, I will”, you promised him sweetly but mischievously to which he put a finger under your chin to make you meet his gaze. His chest was still shaking with silent laughter. You thought he was about to say something, but he just shook his head, kissed your forehead, and then leaned his own forehead to it.

You kept hugging him while the other two of your band of thieves recalled even more stories. Breathing deeply you could feel yourself getting a little tired. Your vampire rubbed circles on your back, listening to your companion’s stories but sometimes throwing a caring glance at you to check if you were still alright. He could seriously be so thoughtful and sweet – you’d never would have thought when he’d first held a knife at your throat upon meeting you.

As you were just resting your eyes a bit while leaning onto Astarion you heard a soft, seductive melody drifting up from downstairs. Single notes plucked on a lute, a deep, pleasant voice humming to it. It should have been impossible to make this out over the crowd, all the chatter and laughter, over couples snickering in the dark corners of the tavern, glasses and goblets being clinked, between threats being made and dice being rolled. But you heard it. The melody enchanting you and reminding you of more memories that had been buried deep down in your mind.

You untangled yourself from Astarion and slowly walked through the crowd to the railing of the gallery, ignoring your soulmate's and friends' questioning looks. You looked down at the band of elves. The drow bard had his head thrown back, his eyes closed while plucking on his lute and humming. You could see the sheen of sweat on his face and body – he was shirtless now. He was softly swaying from side to side while continuing his tune, his brows drawing together seemingly concentrating hard on his task. The female bard had put down her violin for the moment, putting her hands on his bare body from behind, openly touching him everywhere, her eyes also closed. Were they simply two artists bound by the magic of the moment or eternal, unyielding lovers? Who knew? The rest of their band just seemed as enchanted: slowly, almost silently playing their instruments.

It was like a spell started to work its sly magic on the crowd – not imprisoning it nor silencing it but making everyone hearing this wistful melody sway with its highs and lows. You felt your heart react to the song. You knew it, you’d heard it once before and had never forgotten about it – and you knew exactly what was about to happen. Your hands gripped the wood of the railing hard, your heart beating with anticipation.

Astarion stared at your back while you watched the band. He thought the song started to sound familiar – wasn’t it… elven? His brows furrowed, there was something about the tune but it was evading his mind. His eyes flicked from the back of your head to your two friends. Daegin seemed oblivious to what was happening around him, not yet captured by the spell that was being woven around everyone else. But Lira was looking at the vampire, a knowing glint in her eyes. “If I’m right about what’s happening, you’ll be in for the surprise of your life, Astarion.” His brows furrowed even more deeply. Where did he remember this tune from? It seemed impossible to wrap his head around it. Could it be… he read and heard about it from legends? He turned back to where you were still standing at the rim of the gallery.

You knew exactly what was going on and what would happen. You had seen it happen once already in your life, in what had felt a lifetime ago and on an entirely different plane of existence. Your hands clawed at the railing still, while the tune started to rise more and more.

Finally, the drow opened his eyes again, breathing deeply. He threw a soft, longing glance at his partner who continued to hug her body to his and letting her hands wander over his form. “For this next song”, he then spoke, his somber and seductive voice carrying easily through the space as if it had been amplified by magic “I will need all your help for it is not only a song, but a ritual.” He enunciated every word with care, the crowd hanging on his lips for every word. “An old elven ritual and a trial to test the strength of your earthly bonds – as old as legends, maybe as old as the Gods themselves.” The song became more intoxicating by the second, making your hairs stand on end, as you felt it’s hypnotizing pull.

“To those of you here, tonight, brave enough to undertake the ritual, I say, come and be tried”, the bard spoke, his voice rising and his eyes wandering over the crowd. “And to the rest, I say, make way for those fearless enough to put what they think of as undying love on trial.” While he spoke the last words, the drow’s eyes landed on yours. On his lips was a knowing smile when he looked up at you and you felt a shiver running down your spine. You knew what you had to do. This might just be a show, the drow’s pathos only a party trick and the ambience merely a collective delirium but you could feel somehow that there was more at work. A kind of primal and untamable sort of magic had found its way into this hellhole of a city. And as it was being summoned it demanded to be paid its due.

You threw a glance back at Astarion who looked confused and unsure about what was happening, but your decision was made. And somehow you felt it hadn’t been your choice at all; rather that it had been made for you, long before anything else, by powers beyond your understanding.

The space in front of the stage cleared slowly as being pushed back by invisible hands. You were still looking at Astarion, then mouthed “trust me” at him before you darted for the stairs to make your way to the front of the stage.

Astarion was suddenly very much on edge, the whole situation feeling unbearably and torturingly similar to one not so long ago. Although he could feel that this time around it wasn’t the same deep, dark and threatening magic at work but something much more benevolent, he couldn’t stop the freezing feeling of dread clawing its way up his spine. He started to run after you, when he felt Lira’s hand grab hold of his wrist. Her eyes were shining with anticipation and warmth. “Don’t worry, Astarion. Tav will be fine and so will you – maybe even more so”, the half-elf said ominously and knowingly. Surprisingly your friend’s words and reaction did calm him although they didn’t soothe all of his fear. Lira motioned for Astarion to walk over to the railing and watch what might happen next. The vampire stood at the railing of the gallery impatiently awaiting what would transpire.

The crowd was just as tense with anticipation. You made your way to the round space now cleared in front of the stage. You stepped past the line of the crowd, steeling yourself with a deep breath and throwing another glance over your shoulder to see Astarion stand on the gallery watching you with deep worry in his eyes. Lira was beside him, a hand on his arm in a soothing gesture. On his other side even Daegin had made his way over to watch the spectacle, climbing onto the stool he had moved over. You smiled at your lover, then turned around. Your heart had never been so sure.

With you there had been three others stepping up to take this seemingly ancient test of love: three other women, two elves and one half-elf. Of course, this all had appealed to draw those with elven heritage out of the crowd. The magic in your blood connected the four of you for as far as you might be in any other moment in your lives. The same was true for the elven musicians. The four of you eyed each other, then you looked at the drow bard who had started humming again while waiting for you to come down to the open space. The wood elf bard had picked up her violin again and begun to play slow soft chords on it.

“So, four of you, delightful”, the drow bard spoke, already speeding up the tune on his lute. “Let us begin!”, he exclaimed and threw his head back. And then they began to really play.

The four of you stepped closer to each other. You had only seen and heard the happenings of all this once, but you knew exactly what to do. And so did the others. An ancient form of magic guiding you.

The four of you grabbed each other’s elbows to start and slowly began to dance in a circle – first to your right side, then to the other. You started singing in elvish, not even remotely sure what words it were that left your mouth. Then you let go of each other and started twirling each on your own while singing and clapping your hands.

Slowly, one by one the bards and the rest of the elven musicians took up your chant and so did the crowd. As you turned and turned you could see Astarion whenever he came into your view. His eyes widening with every second, not in fear it seemed but in wonder.

You closed your eyes for a second, while still singing and dancing, magic steadying your feet. Then the first of you four women disappeared into the crowd and returning with a tiefling man in her arms. They twirled together for a few rounds while you others kept dancing and chanting. The pace and volume of the song slowly picking up speed. Then the tiefling man was twirled from his lover’s arms to each of you in turn until he was in his original lover’s arms once more.

That was the point for you and the other two lone dancers to break off into the crowd in search of your own soulmates. You threw a quick glance up to the gallery. You felt all flushed from the hypnotic dance and song. You smirked at Astarion and curled your fingers at him in a “come hither” motion before you sped towards the staircase up to the gallery. Pushing past a very confused Kirin you met Astarion, who had also rushed towards you, halfway up the stairs. He grabbed your face with both his hands, anger, worry, wonder and fear all battling in his eyes. “What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck is happening?”, he asked you desperately.

“Showing the whole world and the Gods that our love is unbreakable and that you’ll always belong to me and I to you”, you broke out breathlessly then grabbed his hands from your face and dragged him down the stairs, past a very confused Kirin – again. “Ye goddamn weirdo elves”, he shouted after you but you couldn’t care less right now.

You were the last to return with your partner to the circle of brave dancers. One other had grabbed another male elf and was already dancing and only mere moments before you the half-elf had dragged a human woman with her into the circle. As you entered the circular space you saw that Astarion could suddenly feel the pull as well of whatever it was exactly that was happening. His pupils widened, his mouth opened. You moved in close to him, grabbing his one hand and placing the other on his shoulder while he placed his other hand on the small part of your back pulling you even closer.

A slight moan left his lips when you started to move together. Not only had you never danced together – not that you even knew how to (although Astarion most certainly did) – but this suddenly felt incredibly intimate. The crowd had picked up the elvish chant even more enthusiastically than before. You heard them clapping and stomping which made everything even more ecstatic than before.

“Are you passing me on to the others as well or am I allowed to stay with you?”, Astarion asked breathlessly while twirling you, turning and turning. You let your head fall back for a moment while you laughed and shook your head no. “No, never! Now it is a competition, only one pair is actually chosen”, you explained quickly while taking quick gasps of fresh air in between. “Oh”, Astarion simply mouthed back at you.

You could feel sweat running down your face as you kept moving and turning around in circles at break-neck speed. Not sure how long it was physically possible to keep going without perishing on the spot you noticed how animated the vampire looked in your arms. All his fear was gone now, he had only eyes for you, making you almost forget that you were on display in front of a huge audience right now. If he had been able to flush and sweat you were sure he’d been just as agitated as you but even now it seemed a certain shimmer of liveliness had crept into the vampire’s face and body. Then you heard a scream coming from the crowd – it seemed one of the other couples had fallen. Shortly after you heard another shout of disappointment by the audience.

You concentrated only on Astarion now, on his piercing but soft red eyes, his loving smile, the way the wrinkles around his eyes creased when he laughed with you. How he held you steady against him to make sure you would never fall.

And he saw only you. How your face filled with warmth when you looked at him, how your eyes always openly showed your love for him, how your body felt against his, like you were made solely for him, to hold only you. How you were always the right thing he needed.

In this moment you were both completely sure of each other and each other’s love: that you would always walk by each other’s side and that no matter what might happen in this plane of existence, your souls would always find their way back to each other.

And as you were about to forget completely where you were, the world just rushing by in drifts of colours and snippets of sounds, you heard another scream coming from the crowd. The last other couple had not made it.

Realization only slowly dawned on the two of you. Astarion kept twirling you for a few more rounds but slowing down. When the vampire finally slowed you down completely, he suddenly dipped you impossibly deep down to give you the most pure kiss he’d ever given you, while the female bard dragged out one long and final note on her violin.

The spell was over, the crowd erupted, impossibly loud, stomping and cheering and clapping. People rushed to you to touch you and cheer you. You felt tears stream down your face and laughter bubble up your throat and you saw Astarion felt very much the same. Whatever had happened it had brought you together even closer. As Astarion lifted you up again, eyes blazing with love and passion, you let your eyes wander over the crowd. You saw that the wood elf had her arms around the drow again, standing behind him. And you were pretty sure now they were lovers by the knowing and appreciative smiles and nods they offered you. You saw Daegin and Lira cheer and clap up on the gallery.

Then you looked at Astarion again, tears still leaving wet trails down your face. He leaned in to kiss you again and you let him, wanting to be as close as possible to him.

The crowd broke into jubilant cries once more. But you didn't care, for you, there was only Astarion. And for him, there was only you.

[indiana-jonas]

The two invisible steps before you make something

When I made comic strips in the past I would often jump straight into drawing the first panel. I’d just wing it and then improvise each following panel. Sometimes it worked out.

An improvised strip from my old series “Us with plants on our heads.”

But often it just turned into nonsensical crap.

I don’t get this one myself.

I often started drawing a strip and gave up cause I didn’t know what to do.

I thought I was supposed to be able to fart out great comics with ease. But I squeezed and squeezed. I was too eager. Without being aware of it, I tried to do 3 steps all at once. To continue this (f)art metaphor - before anything comes out of you, you’ve gotta 1. find something you want to eat, 2. digest it, 3. let it come out. The problem was that I hadn’t eaten or digested anything.

To put it in a more dignified way.

The first step is to search,

the second is to make sense of,

the third is to make it.

I used to skip the first two steps, I wanted to get straight into making shit. But that often turned into nonsensical crap, or I would run into a wall and give up.

The third step (to make it) is the most obvious one. Despite it being the most obvious step, I got completely stuck on it because I hadn’t gone through the first two.

If you are reading this, it’s likely you already know how to make something. I think these first two steps are identical no matter what medium you are creating in. So I will take the liberty of not going into detail about how to make something.

Instead of trying to think of products first, what any creative person should try to do is think, search and wonder. Think about real things, notice what makes you feel stuff - what is close to your heart if everything else is stripped away? Ideally projects will emerge from the collection of the thoughts you have collected, or at least be designed/conceived in a way that can package your thoughts as nicely as possible.

Search

There’s nothing quite as uninspiring as a blank canvas. 85% of the time a blank canvas only makes me feel dread or boredom. If you come up with a great idea while looking at a canvas it’s not because you looked at a canvas, it’s despite looking at it. Whatever great ideas I have managed to conjure while looking at that white rectangle has always come from something else - an inspiring movie scene, something from my day, a lingering thought, or a line from a song.

Now I’ve abandoned blank canvases, I never start from one. Neither when I write or draw.

Instead, I live in search of noteworthy thoughts. Regardless of whether you know what a thought will be useful for, jot them down somewhere.

To search is just to live life with a keen eye, ear and heart and to make sure you don’t forget.

When I stare at a blank canvas The Search becomes stressful and I want to avoid it. But in reality, if I admit that The Search is part of the process, it becomes the most peaceful and interesting step of them all. It’s just living with a secret mission - to be human and to find out what’s special about that to you.

And of course you need to make sure you don’t forget those thoughts for the next step.

Make sense of

Now that you’ve been out in the world and discovered stuff, it’s time to sit down somewhere, sift through and examine your haul. You might be overwhelmed by how much is in there. You’ll never be able to use everything. So you just gotta use your intuition. See what stands out, group things, talk with someone - do ANYTHING you want with it until you find what’s hiding there.

Your notes are a collection of countless puzzles. Some puzzles are hundreds of pieces big, others are just one or three. Some pieces fit into more than one puzzle. You don’t know. Often you’ll have to find a few pieces in your head to complete a puzzle, while other pieces might still be hidden out there in the world.

The way to make sense of a puzzle is to try to put it together, or to be literal; try to explain it as clearly as you can. Ask yourself, “how can I prove to someone else that this is true?” And ideally not just make them understand it, but also feel it. That’s the puzzle you gotta solve.

Let me give you an example.

I found myself frustrated that we live life too much through screens and I want to make a Space Deer comic strip. That’s the idea I want to make sense of and the filter that I will examine my idea through.

First I will ask myself, “ok, why is that idea true?”- I think life needs balance, you shouldn’t stare too much of it away through a pixelated representation of it. Then I ask myself, “how should we live then?”- We should go outside and get our boots in the mud more, what we will really remember is probably gonna happen out there. And then I try to think of a situation where I can show as clearly as possible that this is right. I’m afraid this message might be tired or preachy, especially if I would aim the message directly at someone like us (you know, someone who’s currently looking at a screen). Luckily the imagery of my comic gives me other symbols to play with.

So I thought of how I could show that in four comic panels and wrote down this.

Space Deer walks on a desolate planet. They encounter a mars rover. They scream “get out here and live!!” NASA people see Space Deer through their screens.

It’s simple, but it gets the idea across. Normally I would like to make it clear that Space Deer is really out there and living freely, to show what these researches are missing out on. But in the comic we will see Space Deer explore and go on all kinds of adventures, so that’s something I didn’t feel like I needed to put more emphasis on. I trust the reader to make that connection themself.

Sometimes making sense of an idea can be much harder, in this example the idea was an entire puzzle on its own, or maybe I had the remaining pieces in my head already. Sometimes all you need is just one piece in front of you to know where to look for the rest.

Make it

And then of course the last step is to just make it. (Step 4 is to share it. Step 5 is to repeat it.)

I have made decent comic strips despite jumping straight into drawing, or so I’ve thought. Thinking back on it, I just managed to search and make sense of an idea as I was drawing. I didn’t magically skip two steps, that’s impossible. I was just not aware of what I was doing.

Now that I know the steps, I’m much better at understanding why I tend to get stuck in different parts of the process.

In reality these steps are not always as clear cut. They will blend into each other, you might do some back and forth, making sense of and making something is a fuzzy line. This is not so much a step-by-step process as it is a journey you have to go through. It has definitely helped me to be more methodical and intentional about it though. I’ve set myself up in a way where it’s fun for me to get each step done. I might go into that in the future.

If you only take one thing with you from this - I hope it’s that you will be aware of and feel more at peace with the first two steps.

--------

If you found this interesting then you might enjoy these blog posts too.

When you don't know what to draw

I will never find my art style

Lazy imagination isn't bad

Thank you for reading my thoughts!

[xiaosfiance]

Genshin boys as subtle things I do to show I care.

(or assigning things I do when I have a crush to them)

Implied modern au

XIAO;;

Somehow, always recognizes you in the crowd. Watches every move you take, short glances every now and then, but never makes a move or starts a conversation. He just...watches from afar. Or more like admires you from afar.

"what are you talking about? I wasn't staring at them, I was just zoning out."

DILUC;;

Extra gentle towards you. Rethinks every sentence he's about to say like, 23 times, before actually saying it outloud or over text. It's not like he overthinks every interaction with you or something, it's just that...he finds himself caring about your feelings far more than he should.

"I hope what I am about to say does not come across as rude."

KAZUHA;;

When reading poems, the thought of you always crosses his mind when he stumbles upon a love poem. Oh, and by that, I mean he can't even write them without it magically turning into a love poem centered around his feelings for you. And then all of a sudden BOOM his whole collection somehow reminds him of you as if you're everywhere and are the air he breathes.

"I do not want to be the girl who tucks you in,

And kisses you goodnight;

I want to be the girl who plagues your thoughts,

And keeps you awake at night."

WANDERER;;

Will literally go out of his way to avoid you at all costs. He leaves the room immediately when he sees you enter, and no, he doesn't hate you, he just... hates the way you make his heart beat so fast. He has no idea how to manage his feelings so his immediate reaction is to just straight up leave.

"Oh, y/n's coming to our hangout? I can't go anymore, my mom told me it's past curfew."

"bro ur mom abandoned you when you were 4."

ZHONGLI;;

Remembers every single thing you like, remembers every single word you say, and remembers your little quirks, hobbies, and the things you like to do, to the point it's actually creepy. Like wdym he remembered that one time you said "I like Hershey's chocolate." Next to a purple trashbin after your dog let out a massive fart at 7:22pm, Thursday, July 6, during your late night walk to 7/11?!?!

"You told me you liked this, so I got it for you."

CYNO;;

Would pause any game just to reply to your text. It doesn't matter if he's playing something online, or if he might derank if this round is lost, your way better than any of that anyway. Oh, you texted him during his valorant match? He's using his buy time to chat with you and walks into the round with only a classic in his inventory, and no shields. It's not like it matters what equipment he has anyway, he'll destroy the enemies weapon or no weapon.

"noob always going afk report tcggodcyno"

"ur just mad I have a gf to talk to during a game unlike ur maidenless ass"

[actuallyolly]

KOTLC Characters as texts in my groupchats

Keefe - there's something hatching above my bed

Keefe - it was a big ass spider that im pretty sure was part alien and going to get me pregnant with alien babies

Fitz - Bro wtf

Fitz - That's just hentai

------------------------------------------------------

Dex - I let put the most gnarly fart to ever exist in social studies.

Sophie - What

Sophie - IM SENDING DEX TO ALINA

Dex - No. Please. I'm sorry. I promise to never fart again pookie

Sophie - I hate you

------------------------------------------------------

Marella - You know those little, really annoying squeaky toy horn things that are really loud

Marella - I will never, ever, EVER, buy one of those for the baby

Marella - Let me tell you that right now

Marella - Those things make me wanna kms

Linh - Heading to target right now to buy one <3

Marella - I swear to God if you do I'm killing you and getting full custody

------------------------------------------------------

Keefe - Kahoot of my life at my funeral guys let's see who gets the will

Tam - What's in your will

Keefe - All my assets

Tam - Okay and those are? Mommy issues? Or the full the heart of the matter audiobook collection? I need details.

------------------------------------------------------

Biana - Sophie btw I'm pregnant and ur the father

Biana - Probably

Sophie - L

Sophie - No money for you

------------------------------------------------------

Keefe - This is an actual convo that happened at lunch

Keefe - Dex: What's your favorite fruit? Me: You. winks

Tam - Poor Dex

Keefe - STOP YOUR SO MEAN TO ME

------------------------------------------------------

Sophie - um. someone in packaging fucked up fr

Keefe - The beads have spoken. Ur cok.

Sophie - Hahaha

Keefe - shut up. Ur cok.

[ufonaut]

for the past four years i've posted on here an end-of-the-year list entitled 'comix of the year' (2020, 2021, 2022, 2023) and though i've read 136 completed series this year and 610 completed series over all, i'm going to skip it this year in favor of a broader look at my year.

the fact of the matter is that the quality of current comics has gone down in what i believe to be a genuinely unprecedented way. even at the height of the comics code, even in the gritty early 2000s you'd still find the occasional gem but dc comics is currently publishing a harley quinn fart comic so prospects are grim and i think it's a little hard not to be disheartened by atrocities like what the 'new golden age' line ended up being and some such events. you can still find my published work over at the back issue! magazine talking about the obscure corners of this wonderful medium (check out my latest article in #155 with many more on the way, including january's keith giffen tribute) and you can also occasionally find me rambling over on substack but other ways of engaging with the present state of modern comics are getting to be bad for the heart.

on the other hand, i've had by far the best year of my life. that's entirely because it's been a year spent with my girlfriend/love of my life/my favorite artist @redstoneofaja and the creative endeavors we've undertaken together are by far my proudest accomplishment -- i never thought i could ever participate in the making of a comic but we've made several based around richard stark's parker, and we've even collected them in a free-to-read zine over on issu! i've been writing more than ever, reading more than ever, watching more movies than i have in years and these rediscovered passions has everything to do with having the best partner (creative & otherwise, everywhere!) i could ever ask for.

but in terms of the art i've engaged with, here's some of this year's favorites in no particular order:

comics it's been a year of crime comics, with very few exceptions here and there. state of the industry aside, what's been mentioned here is all stuff i'd consider an absolute all-timer by now.

road to perdition (1998)

gotham central (2003)

bad weekend (2019)

creepy presents alex toth (2015)

asterios polyp (2009)

from hell (1991)

angel love (1986)

100 bullets (1999)

sin city: the hard goodbye (1992) + sin city: family values (1997)

dead eyes (2019)

the deviant (2023)

books i've spent the year making my way through donald westlake's bibliography and better fiction books i have not read. life changing doesn't even begin to cover it!

butcher's moon (1974) - richard stark

the dame (1968) - richard stark

a jade in aries (1969) - tucker coe

memory (1963) - donald westlake

films a more eclectic mix, with a particular fondness for '50s cinema as per usual.

the big knife (1955)

joker: folie a deux (2024)

attack (1956)

occult (2009)

in & out (1997)

dick tracy (1990)

it came from outer space (1953)

requiem for a heavyweight (1956)

[quishyorgannet]

꧁𝚆𝚎𝚕𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚢 Kingdom꧂

〖Hello I'm Mack I'm the main manager and creator of this page〗

⟬ We also have Meatza as the 2nd manager. Don't be scared to ask questions, he usually answers ⟭

⫷ Our 3rd manager is Centipede. He helps keep the place clean of the unwanted⫸

𓊈4th manager is Null! He helps me with finding pictures for videos,sorting them, and using them.𓊉

◥ The 5th manager is feathers! He's the scout and explores the lands. He also helps me know who is around and alerts me if anything happens ◤

☑︎ most of my interest are:..

Dragon ball z (mostly Frieza), Dragons, Figures, Pyramid head, Tokidoki unicorno, Littlest pet shop, Webkinz, Roblox (don't expect any post tho), Pokemon, Animal figures, Collecting, Godzilla (ShinGodzilla), Plushies, Jellyfish, Sometimes dinosaurs, Sometimes horses, Httyd, Lioden, Adopt me...

And many many more don't be scared to ask

⚠︎⚠️ keep in mind that I am autistic and I run this post ⚠︎⚠️

DNI: mean people, rude people, racist and ableist Idiots, p3dos, proship, z00s and anyone else within those lines

┆I know how people act around me, so don't try anything slick with me. I will delete anything you say to me and block you. So you can kindly fuck off if what in doing makes you mad┆

◄some songs that I like►

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

❤🧡💛💚💙💜(I will only give 1 warning)

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

(Will be updating)

!𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬!

Fire heart, gravity, Sisu, perfect cell, SeaSalt, princess diamond, peapod, Dead hook, pupcake, light fury (plush), The mini furies, bacon, petrie, draclin, grindal, stage 0, Necrotomiguad, Darby, зомби, frieza (poster), frieza (plush), Golden friezas, Flower, Pyramid Head, stagnant flesh, ? (Bone marrow), Razor, Sardine, Ivy, Tree willow, suglite, bonez, The Continued, ShinGodzilla, Frieza (glow), sterling, gilda, торт , Peaches De Second, Rufus, plant man, starman, She pisses when she farts, Poundcake, Slinky, Duck, Tapejara, Bunny, Obsidian, Ice Lolly, Mr.Peanut butter, Sliverfish, cherry, little foot, fancy, Mr Peacock, Ms peafowl, itsy, miltank, Sunday, violet, money Neko, lucky, HoneyWaluntShrimp, Heat man, giratina

♡ !𝙶𝚘𝚍𝚜 & 𝚂𝚙𝚎𝚌𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚜! ♡

Moonie, cheesecake, Meatza, centipede, prince cheese(dead) , Gravity, Junebug, люблю , Golden Frieza, Skitterrina, baby sisu, Bleu Cheese, The sinful, Null, Feathers, mecha gihdorah

⚠️𝚆𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍/𝚓𝚊𝚒𝚕𝚎𝚍/killed⚠️

The man in your dreams, Grogar, evil Mack(dead), the hybrids(killed), kcam

༶•┈┈⛧┈♛𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑅𝑢𝑙𝑒𝑟𝑠♛┈⛧┈┈•༶

♕𝑄𝑢𝑒𝑒𝑛(s)♕: Mack/Ruthie, Joy ( @joytheskeleton )

♛𝑘𝑖𝑛𝑔(s)♛: (none)

♔𝑃𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒/𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑒𝑠♔: (none)

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

What we produce:

Sugar, spice, marijuana, cotton, computers, gold, meat, medicine, weapons, chocolate, salt, fruit, vegetables

[goncharov-propaganda-factory]

Mishapocalypse: what the-

Hey, former redditors! Welcome to the hellsite, we're all glad that you're here (especially you 196 folk you warm my dead, frozen heart). While on the whole you seem to be adapting AMAZINGLY fast to site culture, if any of you are confused over one of our founding myths this may help.

(or if you're a veteran tumblrina and just want to read an essay that's fine too)

(others key parts of our national identity to learn about if you're curious include Goncharov, I Love You, Color of the Sky, My Three Girlfriends, and many more)

also if you don't want to read my entire fucking essay take this and run

but if you want to know the deal with this man, read on!

Mishorigins

Supernatural is a 2000s-ass TV series that ran on the CW from 2005 to 2020. It's about two brothers, Sam and Dean Winchester, who are "hunters" that protect people from various supernatural entities. The show was originally planned to last five seasons, with an angel character named Castiel (this is important) slated to be revealed as God in the finale. Castiel (nicknamed Cass by the CW and Cas by objectively correct people) was introduced in S4.

left: Castiel, the gay angel of our collective dreams. right: Misha Collins.

The Man Behind the Mish

Misha Collins is a straight man who was forced by a cruel and uncaring god to play a heavily queer coded angel on a TV series intended for any demographic BUT gay teens (which is what it became). His performance as Castiel, and the large queer teen fanbase he drew, were a driving force behind a show would ultimately continue for three times longer its original plan.

I don't have anywhere else to put these facts so they go here

he was an intern in the Clinton administration during the Lewinsky scandal

he knows Tibetan throat singing

he was arrested for climbing onto a bank roof (he was trying to... read a book? 👀👀👀)

he probably made Jensen Ackles (the guy who played Dean less homophobic? Maybe?

he held a scavenger hunt called GISHWHES several times for his charity, Random Acts

cool guy

he later played Harvey Dent on Gotham Knights this very year (2023)

there's icebergs of this shit

he farted on an airplane once

Mishion: Impossible

April 1st, 2013 is a date that will live in mishinfamy. Tumblr a main hub of the SuperWhoLock fandom (a mega-fandom amalgamating Supernatural, Sherlock BBC, and Doctor Who), was the only place the Mishapocalypse could happen.

For boring deets I'll redirect you to the KnowYourMeme page but these images should sum it up.

left: a list of Tumblr users, circa 2013. right: a fine example of Misha culture

There are two takeaways here:

You cannot outrun Misha.

You will become him.

On April 1, 2013, a significant portion of Tumblr changed their avatar to the now-iconic Mishapocalypse photo and their handle to "Misha Collins", followed by similar waves of Mish across other social media sites.

above: the modern Prometheus

This beautiful event was emblematic of pre-Dashcon Tumblr, an era as far away from us now as 1200 AD was from 1208 AD. You'll be pleased to know that the Mishapocalypse returns every April 1st to grace these ancient halls, a small group of pilgrims tracing new paths on the well-worn floor of the Church of Misha.

(this isn't to say the Supernatural fandom is dead, it's just somewhat diminished from it's glory days.

Thanks for reading! Reblog if you liked. I'll leave you with a bunch of Mishimages of my own that I posted for Mishapocalypse 23 (the 10th anniversary). Shameless self-promotion!!!

in clockwise order:

The Mona Misha

Mishius

Misha's extra hour in the ball pit

The Mishian (with Mish Damon)

Future ideas include Salvator Misha. Feel free to ask any questions you have, and I hope you enjoy Tumblr.

Happy Mishing!

ps I have not actually watched supernatural you just learn all of this via osmosis

[pretentious-art-love]

Album Reviews #78 - World Coming Down by Type O Negative

People always comment about how this album was a lot more serious and bleak than the previous ones, so I was wary about it. I mean, it is bolded on RYM, so I wasn't THAT wary, but still. I think that October Rust is a masterpiece in the execution of its emotions, and I called it the album that managed to turn cynicism into romanticism back again. "I might be a sarcastic motherfucker, but to be honest, I love you with all my fucking heart, even if I'm a fucking clown." That's the kind of feeling I get from October Rust.

Now, it is true, World Coming Down takes away most of the humor elements of the lyrics and also part of the music. It is true that the emotional palette in this album is not as expansive or has as many layers as October Rust has. However, this is still a good album. I feel that Type O Negative doesn't fit as most Doom Metal bands. While it is true that they take most of their sound from Black Sabbath, they do not have that affinity for the macabre or that heart for the satanic. Peter Steele is mostly a romantic with incel problems, and the sound of the band is focused more on pop ballads and Alternative Metal than any other Doom Metal band. Any religious connotations are made in a tongue-in-cheek fashion, or they focus on feelings of sadness and sex rather than horror. This is a Gothic Metal band that can appeal to the most mainstream crowd, not subversive pyros against the church.

Without most of the humor, the band gets the closest to Black Sabbath than ever before. The music is not as multifaceted or surreal as before. The songs can also feel very on the nose—the pipe organs, the chants—they make you feel like, "Fine, fine, I get it, you are gothic." Because when the songs are more serious rather than tongue-in-cheek, it makes you feel more self-conscious. So because of that, I feel that the music is inferior to the one before. Yes, people called them clowns and this album more serious, but I just can't help but feel how the chimeric and prismatic nature of October Rust is an incredible love letter to life and romance in itself. I am not blaming Peter for exploring more serious themes this time, I just feel that this collection of songs feels more naked and transparent in their purpose.

With all that said, this is still a fantastic album. The slow riffs are as powerful as ever. The melodic sensibilities, while presenting 60% of the pie for what, to me, Type O Negative is about, are still fantastic. The songs are incredible—they are the kind of songs that could make you feel like walking up a mountain in a death march for your sins. Before you ask, yes, I have done walked up Monserrate twice already with this baby, with no shoes. There are lots of moments of sardonic bitterness which complement the hole in your heart. While October Rust was 20% sadness, 20% sarcasm, 20% romance, 20% hope, 20% apathy, World Coming Down is a bit of 60% sadness and 40% sarcasm caused by bitter resignation. It is not quite the colorful package, but this being a very slow heavy metal band, it sometimes reaches those points of being almost Slow Motion Power Metal—a blend I always wanted to listen to, and only two other songs (Earth Day by Devin Townsend and You Can't Keep a Man Down by Oceansize) have managed to show me.

While most songs here are practically perfect, there are some weak moments too, like Pyretta Blaze, which has a chorus that, to me, sounds as sincere as a plastic rose and as fulfilling as a wet fart. The more Type O Negative gets closer to The Beatles, the worse their music gets.

The medley cover is also a head-scratcher to me. Are you telling me that the guy who said that rock that didn't upset you isn't really Rock was a fan of The Beatles? The most common denominator, inoffensive rock band on the planet? It might have been a way to make the metalheads mad and subvert the idea he was just a macho man or a jock, I don't know. Besides, making your label pay 75k bucks for a song sounds like a story you could tell afterwards. The joke wouldn't be worth it for me, but well, I have been told he genuinely enjoyed the music and he even noodled their riffs at concerts. So, well, let's just leave it at that.

While Pyretta Blaze and Day Tripper aren't particularly fulfilling for me, we are in luck because there are three songs from these sessions that aren't included in the album but still saw the light in The Least Worst Of. First is 12 Black Rainbows. It is alright, just one of the most straightforward songs emotionally that feels more like a simple Black Sabbath song but more upbeat and pop, kinda fun. The other two, damn, let me tell you, damn. It's Never Enough is a fantastic whirlwind of religious connotations that spirals between anger and a feeling of expiation. It reminds me a bit of the closer songs of Demanufacture. And finally, Stay Out of My Dreams, a hell of a closer that goes in full speed and with a maniacal laugh in its face. While the closer of October Rust felt like Peter taking you by the hand and swearing you loyalty beyond the end of space and time after the dream, this song feels also like the end of the dream. But he is not staying with you; he is running away and leaving you deep down in a pit of despair he pushed you toward through the whole album! It is absolutely fantastic, I tell you.

Overall, yes, the music is a bit more on the nose, a little less emotionally kaleidoscopic, but it feels as harrowing as ever, fun as ever, anthemic as ever, and big and melodramatic as ever. This is yet another album of Slow Motion Pop Metal perfection in the hands of a disillusioned, a bit of a loser soul. If you are both of these, just like me, just like that absolute moron of Peter, you will probably find a lot to love in this album. I think that you have the right to cry both the pains you cause yourself as a fool and the pains the world brings on you. I think Kenny sings more in this album and I don't like that because his register is different to mine so it is harder to sing his parts lmao, but when Peter is on, you bet your ass I used my deep male voice, and sang with all my lungs. What a blast.

Custom Tracklist: 1. Skip It 2. White Slavery 3. Sinus 4. Everyone I Love Is Dead 5. Creepy Green Light 6. 12 Black Rainbows 7. Who Will Save the Sane? 8. Liver 9. World Coming Down 10. Everything Dies 11. Lung 12. All Hallows Eve 13. It's Never Enough 14. Stay Out of My Dreams Running Time: 1h 21m.

8/10