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#I HAVE STRUGGLED TO COMPLETE THIS FOR 4 DAYS
faunandfloraas · 3 days
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i hope whatever weird thing thats wrong with me is resolved by the concert next month bc if its not im really not seeing how i'll be able to go
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xiaq · 3 hours
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Hello! x I’m really inspired by the way you start and complete projects and move onto the next and speak of your work and plans with such positivity and innate capability. If it’s okay to ask, I’m curious if the way of which you move in action comes naturally to you, or if you have any recommendations for how to interact with momentum and action? Thanks so much!
Hi! Thank you so very much. I actually deeply struggle with executive function/task paralysis. But when I was in grad school, my therapist gave me fantastic advice: keep the end goal in mind, but break big tasks into smaller pieces and then only focus on the next piece, and celebrate completing that piece.
Current example: I want to make a cool, intricately carved, dresser. That feels like a big task. But it can be broken into 10 steps. 1. find old dresser 2. sand 3. paint 4. glaze 5. make carving molds 6. paint carvings 7. glaze carvings 8. apply carvings 9. seal 10. new hardware
Right now, I'm only focusing on step 8. And that feels manageable and fun rather than overwhelming.
I do the same thing with my writing. I outline my books so I know the general plot and character development that needs to occur in each chapter. But I only focus on writing one chapter at a time. If I was thinking about everything I have left to write every time I sit down, I'd be paralyzed with the magnitude of work ahead. But just one chapter--where I already have solid working parameters––well, that feels like something I can accomplish in a few hours.
(Sometimes, depending on my mental health, I need to do this with simple day-to-day tasks. Like, "walk the dog" isn't a singular item. It becomes 1. Get dressed 2. put on shoes 3. put on Deacon's collar/leash 3. Walk to the park 4. walk home. But then as I mentally check each of those things off, I get a little surge of validation/pride in my accomplishment, as silly as that sounds.) (For certain projects, I'll even make myself a genuine physical chart and put stickers on it as I complete items.)
Anyway. I have no idea if that helps with other folks' approaches to momentum/action, but that's what makes my brain happy, anyway!
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feinforyakk · 18 hours
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Y/N vs. Gojo Satoru: The Struggle of Being Done with the Strongest Sorcerer
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No one truly understands what it’s like to deal with Gojo Satoru on a daily basis. As one of the strongest sorcerers, he’s a force to be reckoned with. But as your friend, colleague, and occasional partner-in-crime, Gojo’s antics are endless, and it’s a miracle you haven’t torn your hair out. You’ve reached the point where you’re just *done* with him, but unfortunately, he’s like an annoying big brother you can’t shake.
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**Scene 1: Gojo’s Late Again**
You’re standing in the middle of the training field, waiting for Gojo to show up for a scheduled mission briefing. Everyone else is there—Yuji, Megumi, Nobara—but Gojo, as always, is nowhere to be found.
You check your watch for the fifth time, tapping your foot impatiently. The students exchange knowing glances. It’s clear you’ve reached your limit with Gojo’s constant tardiness.
“Where is he?” Nobara asks, clearly irritated as well.
Before you can answer, Gojo appears in the distance, strolling in like he doesn’t have a care in the world. Sunglasses on, grinning like a fool.
“Sorry I’m late! Lost track of time,” he says with his usual lazy charm.
You narrow your eyes at him. “Gojo, you’re 30 minutes late. Again.”
He shrugs, as if that’s not a big deal. “Time’s relative, Y/N. Besides, I knew you could handle it.”
You take a deep breath, trying to keep calm. “Gojo, if you weren’t the strongest sorcerer alive, I’d kill you.”
He laughs, ruffling your hair like you’re a kid. “Good thing I am, huh?”
You swat his hand away, muttering, “I’m done with you.”
---
**Scene 2: Gojo and His Terrible Jokes**
Later in the day, you’re sitting in the staff room, finally enjoying a moment of peace. That is, until Gojo bursts in with his usual energy.
“Y/N! You’ll never believe the joke I just heard,” he announces, plopping down in the seat across from you.
You don’t even look up from your tea. “Gojo, please. I’m begging you. No more jokes.”
He ignores your plea entirely. “Why don’t curses tell secrets?”
You sigh, putting down your cup. “I don’t know, Gojo. Why?”
“Because they always come back to haunt you!” He finishes with a proud grin, waiting for you to laugh.
You stare at him blankly for a moment before slowly standing up. “I’m leaving.”
“Wait, come on! That was a good one!” Gojo calls after you, but you’re already halfway out the door, shaking your head.
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**Scene 3: Gojo’s Endless Teasing**
You’re walking through the halls of Jujutsu High, trying to mind your own business when you suddenly feel Gojo’s presence looming behind you. He’s following you closely, practically breathing down your neck.
“What do you want, Gojo?” you ask, not even bothering to turn around.
He grins, walking next to you with his hands casually in his pockets. “Oh, nothing. Just checking up on my favorite person.”
“I’m not in the mood for your games today,” you reply flatly.
“Aw, Y/N, don’t be like that. You’re no fun when you’re grumpy.” He pokes your cheek playfully, and you bat his hand away.
“I’m not grumpy. I’m just *done* with you and your constant pestering.”
Gojo feigns a hurt expression, clutching his chest dramatically. “Done with me? Y/N, that’s impossible. You love me too much.”
You stop in your tracks, turning to give him the most deadpan look you can muster. “I tolerate you. There’s a difference.”
He just laughs, slinging an arm around your shoulder despite your protests. “You’ll come around.”
“I’m *done*, Gojo,” you mutter again, but he just keeps laughing, completely ignoring your words.
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**Scene 4: Gojo’s Reckless Behavior**
On a mission with Gojo, you’re once again reminded why you’re always so done with him. The guy has no sense of caution. As you’re facing down a particularly nasty curse, Gojo is off on his own, goofing around, using his overwhelming strength to show off more than necessary.
“Gojo, can you take this seriously for once?!” you shout, dodging an attack from the curse while Gojo floats effortlessly above the battle, yawning as if he’s bored.
“Oh, come on, Y/N. You’ve got this!” he says, lazily flicking his fingers and sending the curse flying into a nearby wall. “See? Easy.”
You glare at him. “I’m trying to have a professional battle here, and you’re acting like we’re on vacation!”
Gojo lands beside you, grinning from ear to ear. “I’m just making sure you don’t get rusty. Can’t let my favorite colleague slack off.”
“I swear, Gojo, one day you’re going to push me too far.”
He ruffles your hair again, completely unfazed. “You’re so cute when you’re mad.”
“I’m *done*.”
---
**Scene 5: Gojo and His Unwanted Surprises**
You’re working in your office, finally
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catghoststories · 2 days
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Lovely to Look at, Delightful to Hold - Chapter 14
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~ 🦋 💌 ~
There’s a new mailman in the Neighborhood, and Frank is absolutely smitten. But Eddie’s gone for hours each day, and he won’t tell Frank where he came from. As Frank and Eddie grow closer, the fabric of their reality unravels around them and their friends.
Pairings: Frank Franky/Eddie Dear
Characters: Frank Frankly, Eddie Dear, Julie Joyful, Wally Darling
Chapter 14 Summary: Frank struggles to accept the truth about their world. After talking to Wally, Julie, and Home, he finally finds Eddie in the last place he expected.
🦋💕 A huge 'thank you!' to everyone who has stuck with this story so long!  I was dragging my feet on this last chapter because I'm sad for it to end, but all stories must at some point. 🦋💕
💌💕 But!  I won't mark it as 'Complete' quite yet!  I have an epilogue I want to post within the next month or so.  It won't be all that long, but I still have a few crafts to share with you!  It will also be from Eddie's point of view. 💌💕
💜💛🍂🎃Thank you for reading and have a great week! 🍂🎃💛💜
🦋 AO3 Link - Chapter 14 - Home 🦋
🦋 Chapter 13 - The Truth 🦋
🦋 Chapter 12 - Skyscraper 🦋
🦋 Chapter 11 - City
🦋 Chapter 10 - Eyes
🦋 Chapter 9 - Reveal
🦋 Chapter 8 - Lost, Part II
🦋 Chapter 7 - Lost, Part I
🦋 Chapter 6 - Confession
🦋 Chapter 5 - Date
🦋 Chapter 4 - Question
🦋 Chapter 3 - Sleepover
🦋 Chapter 2 - Dance
🦋 Chapter 1 - First Meeting
~ 🦋 💌 ~
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Humbly here to request my weekly sentences :)
🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟
❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️ I am SO intrigued by this idea
YAY!
45 for 🧟:
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“It looked like a singular flashlight,” Maddie explains. 
“Maybe it’s just someone looking around,” Hen says. 
Because she hopes. Because she worries about the alternative. Because she needs for there not to be a threat to her son.
“Right, yeah,” Maddie nods. “Like a scavenger. Or a traveler. I’ve been there.”
“We don’t know,” Bobby decides. “And we’re not going to panic until we do. A handful of us can go scouting tomorrow.”
Hen is almost certain that includes her. Good. She’ll make sure Karen stays behind with Denny, where it’s safe. 
“Sounds like a plan,” Karen says. 
“I’ll take the first stakeout shift,” Bobby announces.
“I’ll join you,” Athena offers. 
“I appreciate that,” Bobby replies. 
And that’s that. It’s settled. They have a plan. 
Having a plan always makes Hen feel better. Not totally better, but less bad. The worst is being in a predicament and not knowing what next move to make. At least this isn’t that. Yet. 
But, still… Hen would be lying if she said she gets much sleep that night. 
September 8th, 2018
Denny is overflowing with joy in the morning. A few days of playing with boys his own age and he’s pretty much descended into being a total rascal. But compared to a child that only had adults for company and seemed a bit too old for his age, Hen will take a bit of  mischief and silliness any day. 
“What if something terrible happens?” Hen asks her wife quietly as they get ready for the day. “Denny is finally getting to be a normal kid.”
“I don’t know if this is normal,” Karen says, looking across the room to where Denny and Christopher are playing Connect 4. “But, yeah… I know. I can’t stop thinking, Eddie left his kid here. He trusted Maddie and all of us. Now what if when he gets back…”
God, Hen hadn’t even considered that. 
“I hope they get back soon,” Hen mumbles. “We could use numbers and weapons on our side, just in case.”
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60 for ❄️:
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Basically, Eddie can’t be blamed for any of this. He’s free of guilt. He didn’t mean to… Well, do anything. 
Really, all he wanted to do was be less of a fucking mess. 
i.
“I think group therapy would benefit you,” Frank says, one session in late June. 
Christopher is still gone and Gerrard is still captain and life still pretty much sucks. Every day just feels like an endless loop of fucking shit. 
“You firing me, Frank?” Eddie asks. “Took you longer than expected, actually.”
Eddie’s been doing that a lot lately. The whole sarcasm thing. More than usual. And not just to Frank. He’s even begun to make tiny, biting comments in Buck’s direction. Which is completely unfair of him because all Buck is doing is supporting him. Just… Well, sometimes Eddie doesn’t know what else to say when… When things are brought up. 
Frank smiles patiently. “I think group therapy would benefit you, in addition to our sessions together.”
Eddie blinks. “Twice the amount of therapy? Extra people? I don’t know.”
Frank nods. “Yeah, it’s not most people’s favorite idea at first. But the feedback is usually pretty good.”
“Why would I need a group?” Eddie asks. “These problems… They’re pretty specific to me.”
Though, if Frank can point him in the direction of a support group for people who have encountered eerie clones of their dead spouses, Eddie will shut his damn mouth and get going. If this is a recurring thing for people, that’s just insane. Eddie will gladly join that class action lawsuit against god or the universe or whatever Buck would interpret it as. 
“Not all of what we’ve talked about is specific to you, Eddie,” Frank says. “A lot of people struggle with-”
“But isn’t everything with Chris and Kim and all that the most pressing thing?” Eddie interrupts. “That’s what I need to solve first.”
“It all helps, Eddie. We’ve talked about this. You being in a better, more open and accepting place with yourself? That will help with the rest.”
Eddie groans a little. It all sounds so counterintuitive. Even though Eddie knows he’s probably right. Why should he get to work on accepting and loving himself, when the consequences of his actions are still hurting his son? Keeping him away from home? He shouldn’t get to be happy right now. 
But the thing is, Eddie made a promise. To Buck, first. The night Christopher left. More than that, though, to himself. He’s going to trust the process. Therapy. The whole nine yards. He’s not going to let this destroy him. 
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permanentreverie · 8 months
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I HAVE NEVER BEEN A HAPPIER GIRL. EVER.
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jrueships · 2 months
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guess whos not going in at all this week, actually
#MY MANAGER EMAILED LIKE 2 HOURS B4 I HAD TO GO IN#she finally changed my schedule (1 day) to the night shift today#(i emailed her to be safe just kinda casually reaffirming im going in at the new time & then asking if any other shifts wanted 2 be changed#bcs that sounds great to me whstever option she goes with#she ignored that question & i get a new email from her asking if i completed a training. lets called it DOC#basically a long time ago she said 'i will send you DOC instructions soon' .. a few days pass and i get three 50 paged packets#one is called NAVIGATING DOC#im like oh ok cool that must be the DOC training shes talking abt bcs the other 2 packets were abt various trainings#NAH BRUH. APPARENTLY THE DAY IM SUPPOSED TO GO IN. SHE MESSAGES ME SOME ENTIRELY ALIEN PROGRAM#and is like 'u completed this right? cus if u didnt u cant come in today.'#LIKE?? MAYBE I WOULDA IF U SENT THE SHIT#but it's also like. dam i shouldve emailed prompting her to send what she said she would n clarifying BUT FUCK#WHY DO I GOTTA?? IM NOT THE MANAGER#she literally told me the name of the program rn thru email so i type it in and see like four hour long modules to complete#mind u i aint never even been informed a WHISPER abt this new program. nothings even labeled DOC TRAINING#but my struggle is. was i notified this?? and i just didnt see??? was i supposed to clarify with her what the DOC training was exactly??#the only thing ive heard abt doc training b4 this is 'i need to send u DOC training soon' in EMAIL. so i expected an alert#abt THE DOC TRAINING... in an EMAIL notification. WHAT THE HELL IS THIS#idk man#i dont even care bro like im busy as hell & the work is just to build clinic hours so i dont care abt the money factor#it's just like. can we get this first day jitters thing over with already?? im so over this bro#yaddayadda i emailed her an apology n ill be on that ASAP shit. but i did let her know i am basically justnnow seeing this site#n if there was any email or notif that couldve/tried to inform me of its existence 2 pls let me know / figure out how to find it#so the issue doesnt occur again & i dont have to keep botherinher which im so srry of bcs med is stress n shes just trying to get by#but still bro im a lil miffed bcs she probably thinks im stupid now and now im wondering if i AM#bcs WDYM ONLINE MODULES. AINT NOBODY SAID SH IT EVEN ABT THE EXISTENCE OF THEM!!! i wouldve pressed harder 4 clarification#if i knew it was an ONLINE MODULE i had to look out for on some randomass site i didnt even know the name of until now#instead of the EMAIL UVE BEEN 'COMMUNICATING' WITH ME ON#ARREGHHHHHHHH IM NOT STUPID. I SWEAR IM NOT STUPID FUCCK MY BAKA LIFE
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brianskangs · 6 months
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I AM FINALLY DONE WITH THIS DEGREE AFTER A YEAR OF STRUGGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
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good-beans · 1 year
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Writing full-casted Milgram fic is like that scene from Sound of Music when Maria is naming all the children and forgets one -- I'll be halfway through a scene and be counting heads of who I mentioned before whirling around like GOD BLESS KURT (<- aka fuck I forgot Muu)
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criscura · 8 months
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I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.
I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.
It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.
I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....
#written from my bed as I'm almost crying from exhaustion and hopelessness#I'm PMSing and I had a really tiring day so i know this feels worse than normal#but when you've been struggling to fall asleep for months because waking up means being disappointed in yourself#for everything you failed to do the day before and everything you know you're going to fail to do again today#it's really hard not to feel like shit about yourself#trying to be constantly hopeful but never living up to your expectations#and then the few times that you do you completely crash for days#and then the only way to not crash is to have your big accomplishment be 'i went to the gym' 'i took a shower' 'i answered a message'#and just. again#to have the be the way you're living for months and months and months#it's so embarrassing to admit how little i can do and it makes me so ashamed knowing how much I've done and see what everyone else around me#is constantly doing#and then when i do share things it just kind of dies off because I've been too exhausted to maintain most relationships#which ALSO makes me feel like absolute fucking shit because i think people think i just don't care about them#when it's really that it takes me hours to get out of bed and I'm lucky if i remember to eat before 4#and I hate so much of myself and see it as such a huge waste of time that it uses up almost all the energy i have to take care of myself#but if i don't do it I'll just hate myself even more#i know i keep on complaining about this but I'm. I'm trying to fix it#i have BEEN trying to fix it actively for so fucking long#but it's.....i think I've stopped believing anything i do has significant worth and it makes it hard to keep trying#and i know people will read this and say take something for it but when you're only interactions with medications and drugs#are one experience that scarred you so bad you didn't go to the doctors for ten years and one experience so bad#that you couldn't even explain it at first without HARDCORE disassociating#it's hard to convince yourself that anything will ever be any better and that it won't make everything intensely worse for years
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emdotcom · 2 months
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My brain is so full of Bees about Post-Shift 2.
It's a fan game that was delayed for 4 years -- by the time it released, fnaf fangames as a whole were not as popular as they had been, & most people in the scene had forgotten about Post-Shift 1, so not a lot of people heard about it/played it.
Worse still is the people who did talk about the game. Pretty unanimously, the consensus was this: this game is the craziest, most insane fnaf fangame. It's overly difficult with mechanics that have no rhyme or reason to them & tutorials that are wordy, unhelpful, & sometimes actively mislead the player, meaning you need to comb through a lot of text only to be misinformed. It's not as infamous as some other fangames, but it definitely was talked about very poorly.
In general, I think most of these criticisms were blown up out of proportion, but I can't really disagree with most people's problems -- it is difficult & wordy, & rather hard to understand. I think, however, that the game is still 1. Really fun, 2. Not a bad game at all, &, most importantly, 3. Is a free fucking game that was clearly a passion project. Most damn fangames never get off the fucking ground when made in groups because the creators will never make a red cent off the thing -- this game was made by one dude for 4 years & delivered to people for free. It didn't ask anything of you except to accept it as a difficult game & to not go in with wild expectations. The dev just wanted to make a game that was rough, but he also wanted to make a game that felt unique & was fun. & It is fun, too, is the damn thing.
#em.txt#ps2 post#post-shift 2#i obviously am biased#i also obviously have more to say#but for now i think this is a start. i think this is fine so far.#i got counter arguments i was gonna type about the problems#bc tbh i think the difficulty isn't as big a problem as the difficult curve -- it starts very high for a fangame#bc it assumed you know what they're like. you know how fangames work. but it over assumes that all the mechanics#work at the same frequency as other fangame#the difficulty curve of night 1 is pretty tough place to start which turned a lot of people off#especially with how long & unclear th tutorials are & of course night 1's tutorial starting with a character that is unused in that night#it's rough. night 2 is even tougher. but night 3 is a cakewalk once you beat 2 bc it only adds 2 threats#so you might expect the next night to be as easy or even easier & in my eyes yeah -- night 4 is easier than 1 even#except that it's completely different & is asking the player to learn a new game entirely which is its own difficulty#but i can crank out a night 4 easy peasy no prolem. so you might expect night 5 to be even easier right? WRONG#WRONG WRONG WRRRONNNGG even people who know what they are doing struggle#because a mechanic in the game actively increases the difficulty as the difficulty is increased which is EVIL#& night 6 is even harder i have seen 3 people beat night 6 it is absurd#i sat in a call with another PS2 fan who clearly played thr game s lot & loved it but they could not beat the night normally#& this night has fucking optional difficulty modifiers when you finish that make it harder it is hell on earth#there is no checkpoints it is bad it is so bad I haven't beaten it i talk abt this game every day i play all the nights#i do not fucking play this night bc the way the tutorial works is unreal & unhelpful it wants you to remember#all this shit but it removes the 'walk around & click things before the night starts to see how they work/where they are'#& then it changes every 2 hours to something new so you won 12-2 but you hit 2 & forgot this one person's mechanic#but the only way to read the tutorial again is to close the game bc it automatically puts you back into the night#& will not take you to the home screen to view the booklet for night 6 it's insane#so yeah. there is difficulty. but the difficulty curve being this inconsistent is worse tbh#i get night 6 is meant to be like a 'everyone is here!' bossfight but it's overwhelming & there is too damn much
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arcaneyouth · 5 months
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it is So Weird how working on my comic makes me feel like i have more free time. and gives me more free time. logically, working on 3 comic pages a week would mean i have Less Time. but no. despite everything, i'm getting more done and able to use my time better now that i'm working on comic pages again. what the hell is up with that.
#it's probably the structure and routine tbh i've been doing this for 6 years#i feel way less stressed about all the stuff i have to do than the 2 months i wasn't working on the comic#and arguably i have more to do now!!!!!#there's just so many little things that working on my comic helps me with. vital part of my daily and weekly structure#1) gives me a Main Goal to focus on every week and it's a goal that i know is achievable#2) gives me things to do almost every day that i am able to get started on right away and then will have free time later when i'm done#3) on days i'm not working on it i feel more comfortable doing things for fun or completing smaller tasks#4) because it's a weekly schedule i actually know what day it is now. completely lost track of the days before. made me really scared tbh#5) actually allows me to relax. the way i make pages means it's a lil bit mindless half the time. which is nice#i spent most of the last 2 months when i wasn't making comic in bed. because i had nothing else to do#now i am not doing that! because even when i'm not working on pages i have the motivation to do things!#this is an ironic post to make when i've spent like 6-7 hours today just playing fathomverse#but that's the thing!!!! instead of hating myself for doing that i still feel like i can get shit done!#also i already knew all this about making comics and how i function but. man idk how to put this#i spent the last 2 months struggling to do fucking Anything#and it was after i was so sure i could handle taking a break from the comic#and it was after lots of people have told me i need to put the comic down and get a job#or do anything that isn't making a comic#i have been working on the comic again for 9 days. and already everything feels more manageable#i literally Need to have projects like this. if i dont i will lose my mind. nobody tell me i need to do other things with my life ever agai
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flecks-of-stardust · 9 months
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'people should make weirder gender headcanons,' i say, looking at my main group of OCs, of which none of them use they/them except innocence (who is genderfluid)
#you have:#des (he/she bigender man/woman; no preference)#night (it/its; nonbinary butch lesbian [in a gender way])#silver (he/him agender with no gendered terms)#prayer (it/xe; some sort of genderweird)#grace (he/him in a vaguely transmasc way that isn't actually transmasc like he's not. binary. but he's also Not not binary??)#and moth (sae/sem/sair/sies/saeself; some flavor of transfem but in a very nonbinary way)#and innocence doesn't even Primarily use they/them. they cycle through Everything#i just use they/them for them because my brain shits itself if i try to rapid cycle through every pronoun possible#if you have two pronouns i'll alternate when i remember to. three i'll struggle but i'll try#4+ and i will probably give up and stick with one on any given day#i just cannot keep that much in my head and i cannot keep up with innocence's gender fuckery#this is why IWSY is second person! /hj#anyway i'm not biased at all why would you say that /s#IWSY#also yes i included innocence as an OC. let's be real past a certain point if you headcanon for them enough#they become an OC. mx 'has no canon dialogue and is mentioned exactly twice in vanilla and only once more in downpour' innocence#IWSY being second person is only partially a joke because that was a legitimate reason behind like. the design for the innocence of youth#i saw no canon pronouns for innocence and wind and was like. okay how do i write this in a way that completely avoids using pronouns#for innocence that ended up being writing their fic in second person#wind i did a funny thing of manipulating the narration to never use pronouns#i guess you could also say that in a way this influenced my all pronouns innocence and no pronouns wind#but that's not really it for innocence. genderfluidity just felt right for them
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ghostzzy · 2 years
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realizing things. etc etc
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battywitch · 1 month
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I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer I hate summer
I hate long days I hate long days I hate long days I hate long days I hate long days
I hate bright sun I hate bright sun I hate bright sun I hate bright sun I hate bright sun
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madigoround · 9 months
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I’m literally just venting below to get it out of my head feel free to ignore
#my great aunt who was previously diagnosed with leukemia like three weeks ago was emergency intubated today and is on 100% oxygen#and yesterday my grandma had told her that she needed to spend a few days back home to rest because she had been at my great aunts bedside#for the last two weeks straight and my great aunt was guilting her super hard about taking some time to rest and come back to va#so yesterday I was really angry at my great aunt because my grandma got off the phone with my great aunt and was just sobbing for like an#hour and wouldn’t accept that none of this is her fault and she shouldn’t feel guilty#and my grandma was saying how we’re going to make a schedule so that everyone has a turn to go down there so she’s not alone#and i was trying to think about how I was going to go down there and be supportive even though I’m really angry at her for guilting my#grandma for not being there every second of the day when my grandma has HER OWN cancer that my great aunt has never once tried to care for#her because of and then this morning (literally during my first Pap smear by the way lol) I start getting a crap ton of texts#that my great aunt was emergency intubated and her lungs are like entirely being operated by the ventilator and I feel bad cause for a#minute I was relieved because my grandma said she’s completely sedated and won’t know if anyone is there or not so she was going to take a#few days to rest and wasn’t going to rush down there#and then a few minutes later she got off the phone with my great aunts doctor and he was saying she’s in critical#condition and that they’re doing a scope test to see how it went bad so fast and that they think with chemo over the last few days that they#may have gotten rid of the leukemia but that her lungs are filling up with some sort of fluid and won’t operate on their own#and on top of that yesterday my uncle (separate from my great aunt) was driving drunk on his way to work (at 4 am) and got sideswiped by a#truck who then drove away and my uncle refuses to call the police or the insurance because he had a ton of open alcohol in the car and#wouldn’t pass a breathylizer and his car needed to be towed and he had some sort of midlife crisis and bought said 45000 dollar truck#earlier in the year could he pay for that? no he couldn’t so he borrowed some from his retirement to help make the payments#and now my aunt (grandmas daughter) is struggling because of this and they’re going through a real hard time financially#and all of this is very stressful on my grandma and I can’t do anything to help I keep calling people asking if they need anything if theyre#alright and I have absolutely no idea how I’m feeling I feel like I’ve spun that children’s feelings wheel and the arrow has landed on half#the board somehow lol#I’m scared that my great aunt is going to die and I’m angry at her for telling my grandmother she made it worse by leaving and I feel guilty#for being angry at someone who might be dying and I feel guilty because I am sick of this being on egg shells what’s going to happen next#and I’m scared for my grandma who has her own health issues and is making the trip back to Florida to go be with my great aunt and won’t be#back for three weeks and I can’t protect anyone#I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
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