#I HAVE STRUGGLED TO COMPLETE THIS FOR 4 DAYS

[jeonscatalyst]

“Jungkook didn’t like Jimin when they were younger.”

Let’s consider the facts:

1: Jungkook, after knowing Jimin for only about two months,despite having known every other member for atleast six months to a year prior, chose to confide in him when he was uncertain about his career path. There were 5 other people he had known longer whom he could have spoken to but he chose to go to the one he had known for the least amount of time.

2: He consistently turned to Jimin for comfort. Jungkook himself said that, out of all the members, Jimin gave him the most comfort and the most attention.

3: He repeatedly chose to sleep outside the members’ shared room with Jimin, laying blankets on the floor so they could sleep beside each other every night. I don’t know about some of you but I would not be choosing to sleep separately from the people I am most comfortable with, with someone I don’t like.

4: According to Namjoon, Jungkook even packed his clothes onto his bed and went to sleep in Jimin’s bed instead.

5: He was often seen hovering around Jimin, clearly seeking his attention whenever it was elsewhere.

6: Jungkook has stated that he was able to endure the hardships of trainee life thanks to Jimin who always listened to him and comforted him whenever he was struggling.

7: Jimin was also the first member Jungkook ever gave a birthday gift to. The other members even pointed out that he didn’t give anyone else a present for sometime until he was teased about it.

And that’s not even touching on the rainy day story… a moment that speaks volumes about how deeply Jungkook feels about Jimin and how significant Jimin has always been to him.

It’s honestly baffling that this is still up for debate in 2025. The evidence is overwhelming: Jungkook didn’t just like Jimin… he loved him, cherished him, and always saw him as one of the most important people in his life.

From the earliest days, everything we’ve seen through years of content points to a bond between them that was built on one of the strongest emotional foundations within the group. The kind of bond where you feel safe enough to be your full self. The kind of connection that allows someone (Jungkook), someone one who wasn’t always good at processing or expressing his emotions to be completely vulnerable with another person because that person felt like home… and that person is Jimin. Doesn’t matter if you want to invalidate these very significant moments and call them “moments from the stone ages”. The fact remains that they happened and they play a very huge role in our general understanding of the members and their different dynamics.

[idk-karla]

The Neighbor, pt. 5

Pairing: bucky barnes x single!mom!reader (Post Thunderbolts)

Summary: Dating Bucky comes with learning curves but loads of happiness.

Author's note: Sorry it took me so long to post this, I had some creative struggles with this chapter. Sometimes I forget the point of this is to just.. have fun.

Part 4

Masterlist

I didn’t see him for almost a week after the farmers market. He’d met me on the porch the next morning, with warm coffee and a soft kiss. He’d even walked with Ellie and I to school before he left for what was supposed to be a quick recon mission. Except it had apparently gone south because I got this message that same night after hours of complete radio silence:

Bucky: Recon bad. Gonns taje ling.

Which I could only assume meant: “Recon went bad. Gonna take long.” Not that he replied when I texted back to clarify.

Sixteen hours later, I got another message; A thumbs-up emoji and a helicopter. Classic. I tried calling, but it went straight to voicemail, like he didn’t have service.

Almost a full day passed before I finally got another text, more coherent this time.

Bucky: Crazy shit happened. On the way back. See you soon.

That was probably the most I was going to get. Bucky wasn’t very expressive to begin with and add in the fact that he’s 107, I was lucky I didn’t just get a smoke signal.

I wasn’t entirely surprised when I heard the soft knock at my door at almost midnight. Ellie had been out cold for hours and I was enjoying some necessary, self-indulgent adult time in cozy pajamas, a glass of wine (several, actually), chocolate, and reruns of my favorite show. I managed to half-run a brush through my hair before opening the door.

“You really shouldn’t open your door at midnight without at least checking who it is,” Bucky reprimanded me as a greeting. 

“Hi,” I responded with an eye roll. My heart thumped in my chest at the sight of him. For several reasons. I’d missed him was the main one. The second one was that his beautiful face was bruised and battered. A black eye, stitches above his brow, and a healing split in his cheek.

“Christ,” I breathed, reaching for him instinctively. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” His voice was low, but the way his arms came around my waist and pulled me in like he couldn’t bear another second without touching me told a different story. I wrapped my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder. He smelled like soap and cedar. Like damp cotton and night air. Like Bucky. Like home.

“A black eye and stitches is not fine,” I murmured into his skin. “Are you hurt anywhere else?”

He shook his head. “It’s fine, love,” he said softly. “Just hazards of the job.”

I pulled back just enough to look at him properly, brushing a curl of hair back from his forehead, careful to avoid the stitches.

“I missed you,” I whispered.

His gaze flicked down to my mouth, then slowly back to my eyes. “Oh yeah?” he murmured. “How much?”

I answered him with a kiss. I kissed him like I meant it. Like I’d felt the absence of him in every breath for the last three days. My fingers slid into his hair, damp from the shower he’d probably just taken. His lips were careful but craving, his hands gripping my waist like he wasn’t entirely sure I was real. He kissed me back like he’d been drowning and I was air.

“I missed you too,” he whispered against my lips.

I smiled, breathless. “Come inside.” 

He nodded, then bent to pick up a pink box I hadn’t noticed at his feet before stepping into the warmth of my apartment. He locked the door behind him, then turned, suddenly a little awkward, standing in the living room holding the box like it was a live grenade.

“I’m, uh… not very good at this,” he said, offering the box out to me.

I took it from his hands, greedy and already smiling. Inside, nestled in soft pink tissue paper, was a red card. In plain, neat cursive were two simple words:

Be Mine.

Not a question. No hearts. No glitter. Just a statement. So very Bucky to its core I almost laughed. Beneath it, a bouquet of crocheted roses peeked out: red, pink, and white. I pulled it out carefully, my heart already twisting. The soft material uncurled as I lifted it, revealing a small handmade blanket.

“Bucky…” I looked up at him, eyes glassy.

He stepped closer, reaching gently for the edge of the blanket to flip it over. His fingers grazed mine as he showed me a detail I hadn’t noticed. Stitched into one corner in tiny, careful embroidery was a date. The date we kissed.

“Good day,” he said quietly, almost smiling. “Wanted to remember it.”

A laugh bubbled from my chest so carefree and warm, it surprised me. I threw my arms around his neck again, melting into him like gravity had just been waiting for permission.

“You’re going to have to remind me why it was so good,” I murmured, grinning up at him. “I think I forgot.”

His low, breathy laugh rumbled against my skin before I was suddenly off the ground, lifted effortlessly into his arms.

I let out a startled yelp, muffled against his shoulder, trying not to laugh too loud in case I woke Ellie. My legs wrapped instinctively around his waist, my arms around his neck as he walked us toward the couch.

He kissed me on the way. First my temple, then my cheek, down to my jaw, the corner of my lips, my chin, my neck. Anywhere but my actual lips. By the time we fell onto the couch, I was nearly panting. 

“Bucky,” I whispered, a soft plea against his ear.

He hummed against my throat, teasingly. His hands roamed by body, rough palms greedily focused on mapping the feel of my body.

“You know,” I pulled the ends of his hair as he continued to trail skills all over my skin. “you’re supposed to ask someone to be yours.”

He shook his head, brushing his nose against my cheek.  “Couldn’t risk you saying no.”

“That’s not how this works,” I giggled, breath catching as his lips grazed the hollow of my throat. I pulled back just enough to meet his eyes, cheeks flushed. “When did you even have time to do all this?”

“Before the recon mission took a shit,” he muttered, sheepish. “I asked yelena for help. She said real roses were stupid because they’s just die. She helped me order this. I fucking hate technology.”

I laughed, tugging him closer. “That’s… actually kind of sweet. And romantic.”

“Ah yes,” he said dryly. “Two words I’m usually associated with.”

I touched his face gently, fingers brushing over his bruised cheek. “You are with me.”

His features softened. He leaned in and finally kissed me again. Slow, reverent, promising.

I pulled away after a few minutes, settling comfortably in his lap. “I want to hear what happened on the recon,” 

“I’ll tell you in the morning,” he murmured, his voice low and rough now.

“Why the morning?”

“Because,” he said, lips brushing my ear, “I have a new mission right now.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I want to see how many times I can make you come,” An absolutely devilish smile was spread across his lips.

I gaped at him like a fish out of water, surprised. He laughed before taking my mouth back on his. We sank back into the couch, the blanket bouquet slipping to the floor.

***

The weeks that followed were interestingly blissful to say the least. 

Dating a 107-year-old super soldier who was only now starting to experience a normal life after decades of war, while raising a preschooler definitely kept my life from getting boring. It was domestic in a way I hadn’t expected. Comfortable. Sometimes intimate enough to knock the air right out of me.

Bucky was patient. And thoughtful, and kind and anticipated my needs before I had a chance to ask for them.

He would run his fingers down my spine when I couldn’t sleep, slow and steady, until my breathing evened out. He’d fold the laundry before I even noticed it needed doing, mugs of tea would appear beside me before I had the chance to ask, and I’d find Post-It notes on the fridge with reminders in his tight, neat handwriting:

Eat today. Take a break. Have a good day. 

He was trying to cook. I say “trying” loosely. It mostly meant he hovered behind me like a shadow, arms crossed, eyes locked on the cutting board like it was a live bomb.  That intense, tactical focus of his now completely redirected toward the stove like sautéing garlic was a classified mission. It was… endearing. A little intimidating. Kind of hot, if I was being honest.

I tried to take care of him as best I could. 

I made him start wearing actual protective gear on missions and in training, even if it meant arguing with him for twenty minutes and physically handing him the padding. I packed extra snacks in his bag. Made sure he ate when the nerves or the guilt crept up too high in his chest. I learned his triggers. What sounds unsettled him. What looks meant he needed air. What silences weren’t quiet, but full of fight-or-flight.

I kept a stash of his favorite snacks tucked in the back of the pantry, even the weird old-timey ones that took forever to hunt down. The look on his face when I surprised him with lemon drops and MoonPies had been priceless. He was still quiet. Bucky wasn’t the talkative type by nature, but he tried. He tried to open up, piece by piece, like he was teaching his own heart a new language. Some things were still too heavy, still sealed behind walls built for survival but he let me see what he could. And it was an honor. Every scar, every word, every moment he trusted me with, us with, as a gift. I made space for the silence, for the parts of him that didn’t want fixing, just understanding.  And I learned to read the silences. Not all of them were bad. Some were soft. Some said thank you or I’m trying without ever making a sound.

He didn’t disappear for weeks on end anymore. Just a few days at most. And when he came back, it was always with something in his hand for Ellie. A shiny rock. A tiny plastic figurine. A page of superhero stickers. Once, a pinecone she ultimately declared “magic.” 

Every time he came home whether to Ellie’s wide grin or to me waiting up with the porch light on, he’d pause on the steps like he couldn’t believe this was real. Like coming home was still something he didn’t quite know how to do.

Ellie was practically his best friend now, not that he’d ever admit it. She figured him out faster than anyone else had. Knew that under all the black clothes and metal and scowling was a giant, mushy softie who would hand over the last cookie without blinking. She had him completely wrapped around her glitter-covered little finger and they both knew it.

The day he picked her up from preschool on his motorcycle, she screamed so loud with excitement I could hear her from halfway up the block. I hadn’t even made it off the porch yet, my heart lodged firmly in my throat.  But I trusted him. God, I trusted him. He kept her safe. He kept me safe, too.

There was only one thing I hadn’t quite figured out how to help with. He didn’t sleep. Not really.

He’d lie down beside me, hold me all night like I was the only tether he had to this life. But hours would pass with him tracing gentle shapes on my skin, wide awake while the rest of the house slept. Sometimes I woke to find him already dressed, standing by the window as if waiting for something. Or nothing. Or maybe just trying to let the past settle quietly behind his ribs.

Once, I found him on the couch, curled around one of Ellie’s stuffed animals like his heart had needed something soft and hadn’t known where else to turn. I never pushed. I’d just come to him, curl up at his side and stay awake with him the rest of the night until he had to leave for work. 

If all I could do was offer him a quiet place to rest, then that was enough for me. I was going to talk to him about it eventually but for right now, I just needed him to know he wasn’t alone anymore.

Part 6

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

potentially a silly question but... are you also struggling with grinding rewards for this culinary crucible re-run? it seems they have shortened the event duration in half yet the rewards are still proportional to the og event. usually i am able to get the sr key and the other keys; this time i will be lucky to get the sr key alone. i have looked through the announcement and saw no explanation for this change so i am a bit confused.

I mentally checked out of the EN rerun since I already went through this in the JP server 💀 I’m just mindlessly grinding for the 3 keys and then dipping.

The Culinary Crucibles/Master Chef reruns are unfortunately just… like this 🧍‍♂️ JP (which has been doing these reruns for a while now) also had their CC/MC event durations cut in half, but to compensate for this, they made it easier to gain recipe skill points (the number you see after the + in purple). For example, you’d only gain +4% skill in the OG run when starting off, but it has changed to +6% skill for the 1 star dish bracket. (Medals earned per recipe, however, is still capped at 30.)

I noticed that the EN rerun only requires you to get a total of 500 medals in order to see the event epilogue. JP still had the 1000 medal requirement. Additionally, the EN rerun is I believe a few days less than JP’s?? But EN’s event shop items are cheaper than JP’s to offset this. For example, the SR key is 1000 medals in the EN rerun and 1500 in the JP rerun.

It seems like the devs did try to balance around the shorter event length, but we perhaps don’t notice these efforts because the in-game announcement wasn’t clear about the changes between the initial runs and the reruns. The changes end up promoting completing all the recipes and not necessarily effectively grinding medals for rewards… and I imagine this doesn’t feel very good since the gameplay for the event isn’t great to begin with.

I think the devs were counting on people already having one or both of the respective Apprentice Chef cards (in this case, Riddle and/or Silver) to help out, as they collect 1.2x materials if you send them out on ingredient excursions. You might be cutting it pretty close otherwise.

If you want my advice for this CC/MC, just collect meat and also from the first Botanical Garden section(for onions and cabbage, making up 2/3 of drops). You can grind cabbage rolls with these. I would normally recommend grinding the 2-ingredient recipes, but it doesn’t feel as efficient to grab garlic since that only makes up 1/3 of the drops. (This is just a hunch, I did not actually run the numbers to see if this was true or not since I didn’t have the time for it; the current CC/MC ends in like a single day from now.)

[smol-petgrl]

pet diary ✐ᝰ.ᐟ

until now i hv completed all the edgies according to the date but today is the first time im really struggling. i hv done 10 edgies today, broken up into grps of 3, 3, and 4. i only have 2 left for today, but my clit is sore, nd i don't think i'll be able to touch it without it being extremely sensitive.

it feels like my clit is getting more n more sensitive since the beginning of this challenge. because of edging huge amts every single day, all in different ways.

i don't want to have cummies until i am owned and my owner wants me to hv cummies, but i think if i rub any longer i won't be able to hold it. i'll try my best to get the rest two edgies in, but i may have to leave it at 10 for today, in order to not break my streak.

i might even make a poll for punishment for the edgies i missed (granted i don't do them).

[zazaiafe2]

First day of preparation for the protocol and testimonies from those who participated.

First day of preparation for my protocol on the group, let's go.

We started the protocol with a holotropic breathing session to open the body and mind, followed by a choice between three guided meditations centered on the Void. The goal? Tune in. Loosen the grip. Let go of the mental noise and maybe even experience the void or at least ego dissolution. And for many… it worked! Even very well.

Below, you’ll find the testimonies from people in my group Some got close to the Void. Some had physical, mental or emotional releases. Some saw things. Whatever came up, it all had meaning.

To guide you through all of this, I’m also sharing two Google Docs:

One with answers to common questions about holotropic breathing.

One to help you interpret visions, physical sensations, emotions, and dreams during and after the protocol if you want to follow what they did.

Here's what they experienced:

Testimony 1 :

"I completed the breathing, it was rather interesting.

(ignore if you dont want to read what happened lol and its VERY opinionated so dont continue if you get offended easily by slight harsh honesty)

for the breathing technique: (im sorry i keep forgetting the damn name..)

so at first i was at a sense of peace, like breathing slowly, as advised when the rhythm picked up, so did my breath, following the beat, besides that.. at some point.. i felt my body fuzzing, typical hypnagogia and also.. i felt my pulse throughout my entire body (im unsure what that was but i felt it throughout my literal entire body) and i felt my body swaying and eventually being like tugged almost? like something trying to tug it.. eventually the music slowed down.. so did i, back at peace and i felt myself sinking deeper. just i felt so free OH i forgot. i stopped breathing for maybe a minute without realizing?? like i felt like i didn't need to breathe anymore. it happened maybe 3-4 times where i just stopped breathing. so interesting.. but then alunir video came up..

aluir guided meditation the 2 hour one. i was so at peace and no offense but she yapped too much, kept snapping, pmo. so it broke the peace and eventually i felt my body, surroundings, everything was so quiet and soo nice until she kept talking. irritating. the snaps helped to revert my focus but she didn't need to do all of that but if she works for you, cool! but thats my personal experience.

-summary-

breathing exercise:

fuzzy body

absent limbs

hypnagogia

swaying

pulling

visuals (forgot about that and they were long ones too!)

pulse rising

feeling my pulse in my entire body

peace

calm

(eyes darkening? like felt myself sinking)

alunir video:

awareness

annoyance

became aware entirely and stopped like i was 30 minutes in and she STILL didn't get in the topic of the void like holy shit. why are we still doing the most? 😭 (no offense)

(i chose the 2 hour because i thought it would be better for me to have time to relax and be at ease but its like it wasn't relaxing at all for me, i was just waiting for her to stfu.)"

Testimony 2:

Ok so I just finished my breathwork, about to start void state (am using blue light filter to message).

So I have done a little bit of holotropic breathing before but not much, although these symptoms seem to be constant for me.

1) A sense of discombobulation. Like the dizziness that persists after you spin around for a long time. Primarily noticeable in my head. At one point, it was so strong that me slightly moving back on account of my breathing almost felt like I was about to fall back in my chair.

2) A cooling sensation in my ribcage/chest area. Heightens w inhales.

3) Yes, the struggle to keep pace but gradually letting it melt into comfortability. It takes around 15 mins for me and (for today) that's around the time I slowed down to move on.

I *have* noticed that previously, while I had failed to move my breath from my ribs to my belly fluidly, I was able to today in a sitting position as opposed to my previous position laying down.

Testimony 3

okay, I guess it is my turn to share my experience with holotropic breathing tonight. 

so I did a 40 minute session and it passed very quickly like I didn’t realised how long it was but the session was so wild, when I started breathing quickly I started feeling intense tickling in my body like I was almost shaking and it was so intense that I couldn’t even move my arms anymore?? or they where very heavy and then I started having diaphragm pain and the top of my back and my neck hurted too lol?? but then when the void meditation started I was in a very positive mindset it was clear that I was pretty calm but I think I kind of got calmer when just doing cardiacs coherence?  but honestly the experience was cool so I wanna do it again.

so I did the void meditation the short one and I think I almost entered it as I couldn’t practically feel my body anymore but it wasn’t all that so maybe I need a longer one as I didn’t felt ready to fall asleep so yeah, I definitely need a longer one, but yeah, after I listened to some subliminal and then I think in the middle of it I was almost falling asleep but then I kind of woke up to a big flash so it was strange and I just thought of my dr but nothing happened and I had trouble falling asleep after it, so I don’t know if the breathing did that to me or not, but that’s about it.

I also had a dream that I almost was lucid, but as I said before, I can’t seem to get like past the third stage of lucidity in a dream lmao

Testimony 4

me i initially wanted to do a 40 minutes session but the audio i was using started freaking me out cause it kept saying something in a language idk over and over so i was scared it was some kind of witch stuff💀 i stopped at 18 minutes but did the void meditation anyway and i think it worked incredibly well? at some point i was so heavy and i always thought people over looked "symptoms" but it felt way too real and i started floating away from my bed and the black in front of my eyes was still black but something changed in it? like a different black with some noises all over it. my sister started moving too much on the bunk bed which grounded me back and i was so mad to a point i said kind of mean things to her so i dreamed about her. i don’t really remember the dream but i woke up really guilty and i just remember it was about basically me being awful to her 🤷‍♀️ anyway i wanna do the void thing again it was crazy

i struggled to get into the breathing work cause i was scared my sister and brother would hear me and be like wtf (we sleep all 3 together in a room so it’s hard to have peace. my sister ruins it every single time im on the verge of shifting by moving too much 😀)

Testimony 5

I'm really late, but I'll also share my experiences

Holotrophic breathing:

- tingling

- swaying

- sudden breath stops (like not feeling the need/not breathing for 1-2 minutes before continueing with the holotrophic breathwork)

- pressure in head

- hypnagogic symptoms [random visions (at some point slenderman for some godforsaken reason?? I was rlly confused) dancing colours, cold then warm then cold sensations]

For me the holotrophic breathing is really difficult, I'm not sure why but I find it reallt uncomfortable to do. I listened to the 40 minute into the deep video but had to stop a little before the end and slowly let my breath return to normal because my heart was feeling fluttery. (I've inherited some of my grandma's heart issues. But it normally isn't really a problem, just random heart flutters) but the holothropic breathing seemed to aggrivate it for some reason maybe? Or it was just random and bad timing. Anyways, I stopped after about 25-ish minutes and moved

long alunir void meditation. It was really easy for me to relax, and i think I might have gone into the void for a little? Or I just fell asleep, i don't know. I remember like still thinking, but not hearing alunir anymore. Anyways I followed along, and when the main part of the meditation was over, and it was just the affirmations with a lot of time in between I let myself slowly drift off. And every once in a while I'd hear the affirmations, but it was really peacefull and kind of floaty and at some point I did fully fall asleep as I just woke up and I don't remember the ending of the meditation haha

Testimony 6

Hello! I finally woke up and I'm here to share my experience last night. I don't have much to share though, but I would say the holographic breathing gave the most to talk about now, since almost finishing the exercise my dog wanted to go downstairs to do their needs and had to get up and wait a while for her to come back. I did around 45 minutes of breathwork. I must admit that I was feeling lazy and scared of not being able to deliver with the task and have no experience at all, but I'm surprised that at the end I was able to breath 45 minutes straight almost automacally. The first thing I realized is that I was actively not thinking as much, since I was more focused on my breathing than anything, this is coming from someone that is constantly thinking the process. Time passed quickly the first minutes; I edited my audio so for the I could know when change the rhythm of my breathing at the sign of the music fading out and the sound of a signing bowl. At some point a lot sense of.

And I was in and out. Started feeling slight warm on my back and slight tingling in my limbs and in stance where I was mentally unconscious, came back to the moment and suddenly I saw so many colors and then the it turned into a many eyes. Not many eyes at once, but difference people glances at me in a style that reminded me to Renaissance paintings? At then just saw floating color once in a while. At some I wasn't feeling my limbs individually but feeling my body as whole, and the tingling was so intense just as the same when you sit in one of your limbs so long by accident. And I felt it squeezing it to the center of my body. There was so much pressure over my body.

When I was close on getting my breath to normal, my dog suddenly wanted to go outside to their needs and got out of the mood. I think 10 minutes to go back to normal wasn't enough because when I wanted to move, IT WAS SO HARD. It's like you push too pressure over your muscle in an specific exercise and pushed to the limit that you can't do another round, that's how it felt. Started feeling my hands and that's when I realized that I was slightly sweating. I stand up and I felt everything moving and my body attracted to the floor and heavy pitch in my hearing. I honestly thought my land was going to land on the floor lmao. About the meditation didn't got many results

Testimony 7

Summary:

The holotropic breathing got me feeling dizzy but in a pleasant way but the meditation didn't get me feeling relaxed for some reason. Maybe I just dislike sleeping with earbuds, but I did feel like I was about to shift

Here are also the links to the Google docs:

I really didn't correct the spelling and syntax errors in this one because it was mainly for the group not to blame me.😭

Don't hesitate to ask questions!

[my-my-my]

Food for Thought - Chapter 4: Spin, Spin Sugar

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

Summary: You often wonder why you feel so alone even when you spend time with other people. An outsider even in a packed room. But a chance work project with Urahara Kisuke provides a strange comfort... so strange that you continue to spend time with him after your project is over.

CW: NSFW, self-esteem issues, insecurity, embarrassment, self-doubt. Mentions of vomiting and physical pain.

Read on AO3 here.

You immediately threw your phone on to your bed as you held your face in your hands. 

I’m so stupid! I can’t believe I did that.

You wanted to cry in embarrassment. What was going through your mind when you sent that text?

Maybe you should let him know… Rangiku’s words echoed softly in your head.

How much did you tell her? You struggled to remember what exactly happened last night.

But you didn’t have time to mull over this. It was Tuesday morning and you needed to get ready for work. You hurried through your morning routine, making sure to have all your essentials to get through the day. You quickly jumped into your medicine cabinet, but saw you ran out of your hangover cure.

As if this couldn’t get any worse. You sighed, making a mental note to swing by the drug store near the office.

Your mind was racing, but also completely blank. People were talking, the birds were chirping, but you felt distant. 

Why didn’t he respond?

No, no that’s not what you wanted to think about today. It’s not what you wanted to think about ever.

Once you reached your office, you quickly walked over to the drug store. You made the conscious effort to wear your large sunglasses to obscure the bags under your eyes, and you threw on a simple dress to avoid overthinking a pant-and-suit combo for work.

You walked down the familiar aisle, checking your phone to see the time. You had plenty of time to spare, giving you a sense of relief. Maybe you had time to pick up a coffee and a pastry for breakfast…

“Fancy seeing you here this early in the morning.”

You wanted to vomit in the aisle. Instead, you swung your head around, fear and embarrassment running through your body. Urahara Kisuke gave you a wave as he walked towards you.

“Um, yes. Hi. I just need to grab this and I’ll be on my way.” You panicked, immediately grabbing fistfuls of the medication. You began to sprint to the cashier, but he was fast on your tail. 

“That’s a lot you’re carrying, let me help you.” Kisuke smiled politely. 

You recoiled from his hand as you placed your items on the counter. What you didn’t expect was Kisuke to place additional items, pulling out his card before you could reach out with yours.

“It’s on me.” He grinned. 

You wanted to scream, but instead, you froze, mumbling thanks as the cashier separated your items from Kisuke’s.

“I really have to go. Thanks.” You grumbled, but before you could enter the office building, he grabbed your arm.

“But where’s my good morning kiss?” Kisuke smirked, watching the colour drain from your face.

“I - I - no. Not happening.”

“Hm?” Kisuke looked at you with curiosity, his eyes filled with mischief. “So are you a liar? The text you sent last night begs to differ.”

“Yep, I’m a liar. Ignore everything I said!” You squeaked, as you tried to pull your arm away from him.

Kisuke narrowed his eyes, “now that…” he tightened his grip, “is a lie.”

You heard in the distance the voice of Hanatarou and Rukia talking. Your eyes bulged as panic began to set in. “Please, let me go Kisuke!” You pleaded, trying to yank your arm away.

Kisuke’s expression was unreadable as he immediately let go, watching you stumble in your step. He noticed the way your voice quivered, although frustration filled his mind.

“Have a good day.” He said coolly, walking away from you. You didn’t say anything as you watched him walk ahead, entering the lobby.

You stood at the entrance, a numb feeling washing over you, as Hanatarou and Rukia greeted you.

You stared at your screen as you struggled to write up a report. You felt sick, and also sad. Everything people had said to you today had washed over you, as your brain replayed what happened between you and Kisuke over again.

You thought back to when you first met Kisuke, how unassuming he was. He didn’t seem to care about the project initially, but you realized he was guiding you to solutions and questions you wanted to analyze further. He was insightful and you felt it made you a stronger researcher. 

Then the sly comments once you two spent lunches together, that you passed along as jokes. Your head began to throb as you tried to villanize Kisuke in your head.

No. He was just being a helpful senior.

No. He was just friendly with me.

No. He wasn’t flirting with me.

Your mind flashed to the time where he kissed you in your kitchen. You didn’t realize you stopped typing. The pain in your head, the unsettling motion in your stomach, and your own mental anguish began to overwhelm you.

You immediately got up and headed to the restroom. Locking yourself in a stall as you struggled to keep your thoughts away. But it was too much.

Tears ran down your face as you struggled to handle your emotions. You hated the way you acted. You hated the way you were pushing someone away. You stifled sobs, trying to regain your composure.

Your heart felt heavy, as did your head and your eyes. You stared at the swirling toilet bowl, trying to push away your thoughts. 

But actions have consequences, as you vomited your night out and morning into the toilet. 

Your body jerked as you retched the contents of your stomach, tears still spilling out as everything hurt. Regret filled you more than anything else now.

Regret about drinking last night.

Regret about texting Kisuke.

Regret about your reaction to him this morning.

You took a piece of toilet paper and wiped your mouth, flushing everything down the toilet. You exited the stall and stared at yourself in the mirror. Bleary eyes filled with bags, a bit of snot dripping down your nose, your hair disheveled, your lips slightly dry.

Why would anyone want me to kiss them anyways… you stared at yourself angrily. You quickly patted your face with water and fixed yourself up.

There were a few more hours to the workday, and you would push through.

Nothing though, is as easy as you ever plan it to be. You felt strange as the workday began to near its end. 

I should apologize to him. You thought.

You made decent headway into your report, but you began to waver as you recalled this morning again. You would stare at your phone, as if expecting a message, but you knew nothing would show up, having put your phone on silence and do not disturb.

You sighed softly and picked up your phone. Messages and notifications appeared, people asking you to hang out tonight for dinner. Invitations to weddings and parties. Dread filled you as you swiped through.

“Are you free after work today?”

Kisuke had texted you, and judging by the time he sent it, it was sometime after your freak out at the store.

“I am.” You replied. You didn’t know what to expect, but you were mentally too tired to put up a fight.

“Meet me at the lobby.” Kisuke quickly responded, with a silly emoticon being followed right after. It was so out of place that you couldn’t help but laugh.

And for a brief moment, your embarrassment and anxiety seemed like a world away.

The work day was over, but today’s weariness hammered your body as you slowly trudged through the hall, making way to the elevators. You didn’t know what to expect, but a part of you was tempted to text Kisuke that you changed your mind and were pulled into a late, possible dinner meeting.

No… you outwardly sighed, I need to do this. You were resolved to see him and whatever feelings you had through. But as you mulled over your thoughts, the elevator had yet to appear on your floor. 

You pressed the down button again, but no sound came. Was it out of service? You trekked back to your division and realized most of your coworkers had left, save for Hiyori who was in a meeting.

Sighing, you decided to go down the stairs. It was a long walk down, but maybe it would help clear your thoughts. Step by step, you walked down, mulling over Kisuke, your feelings, the past few weeks and everything in between.

Yes, you liked him. That much was true, but why were you being so… stubborn about it?

I wish you saw yourself the way we see you. Rangiku's voice flowed into your mind. Words you heard her say countless of times before when you were hard on yourself.

And Kisuke, for all intents and purposes, was true to his word. You did get a sense he was holding himself back, but for what, you couldn’t tell. Was it out of respect for you? Holding himself back for something else? But his actions felt genuine to you, and you felt guilty rebuffing him.

But in no time at all, you realized you reached the lobby.

Kisuke sat outside, smoking as he wondered when you’d appear. He stared at the elevator hallway intently, but as people came out, you weren’t in the crowd. He frowned; did you ghost him?

But he swiveled his head to see you exit out the fire escape. You quickly looked around and his heart fluttered when he saw a brief smile appear on your face.

Stomping out his cigarette, he waved to you to come outside.

“Sorry I’m late,” you quickly apologized, “I don’t think the elevators were working on my floor.”

“It’s alright.” Kisuke laughed, “I was thinking you ghosted me.”

You frowned, a sad look appearing on your face, “no… I wouldn’t do that.”

“Because you’re not a liar.”

You gave a sad smile, “no I’m not.”

“Why don’t I drive you home today.” Kisuke offered, waving his car keys.

You sheepishly laughed and declined, “no it’s ok. I’m not too far from the office.” You explained, “I also don’t want you to get stuck in traffic on my behalf.”

“I insist. Especially since you’re still teaching me how to cook.” Kisuke pushed back, a grin wide on his face, “besides, I can’t let my teacher go through all that trouble.”

Your face heated up at being called “his” teacher. And you realized maybe this was a chance to clear the air. 

“Alright, but I also have to be honest with you,” Kisuke gave you a questioning look. “I didn’t think you knew how to drive.”

“Maybe you should learn how to lie just once.” Kisuke laughed.

Kisuke’s car surprised you. On the outside, it was sleek and looked luxurious. You weren’t familiar with car models, but you thought it was different from the vibe he gave off. But the inside…

It was messy and dirty, with used cups of coffee, tissues and… well you weren’t sure what that was.

“I… probably should have cleaned up my car.” Kisuke awkwardly laughed, “but I still insist on driving you home.”

You were left speechless as you hesitantly entered the car. At least… it smelt fine, maybe a bit like stale coffee. This was going to be an interesting ride home…

You sighed loudly, knowing you had to rip off the band aid sooner rather than later.

“That text I sent you last night,” you quietly said, as Kisuke stared at the road ahead of him. “I meant what I said.”

Kisuke didn’t look at you, but smiled, “I’m glad you said that.”

“I just –” you looked out the window, watching people go by, “I’m not sure what to make of any of this.”

“There’s nothing, you need to ‘make of’” he explained, “you like kissing me, and I like kissing you.” 

Well… yes, but - you couldn’t say that out loud. You recognized the nearing apartments, you were close to home.

“Kisuke, you can park in the visitor’s area.” You murmured. Kisuke didn’t respond, but pulled into a free spot. You nodded to your concierge as the two of you made your way to your unit, no words being said.

“Let me make you some tea, as thanks.” You said, letting him into your home.

An awkward silence hung around the two of you as the kettle grew louder with each passing minute. You couldn’t look at Kisuke in the face the moment he stepped inside, but you felt a familiar, yet uncomfortable feeling growing in your stomach… and between your legs.

You bit your lip and turned to face him, and Kisuke smirked, slowly spreading his legs, his hand gently patting his thigh. Entranced, as your mind swirled with incoherent thoughts, you sat in his lap and pulled his head in, pressing his lips against yours.

Kisuke chuckled as he pulled away, “you could’ve just kissed me earlier, “ he teased, wrapping his arms around your waist, pulling you closer, “I’d never say ‘no’ to you.”

Your face felt hot as he kissed your face and down your neck, his faint stubble pricking your skin. His hands began to roam, earning a yelp from you as he squeezed your ass.

“Hold on!” You pleaded, trying to stop his movement. Kisuke looked at you with a questioning look, his grey eyes piercing you as he stared over your body. He removed a hand from your hip, rubbing his thumb over your lips.

“Are you a virgin?” Kisuke asked.

You shook your head, “no… I just” your face felt so hot, “it’s just been a long time.” You muttered, looking down. Your eyes widened in surprise to see his erection bulging from his slacks.

“Oh…” you mumbled, hesitantly reaching down to touch his clothed erection. You faintly ran your fingers over him, transfixed. Gently, you began to palm him. You were lost in thought as you felt his cock twitch and throb under your hand. It wasn’t until Kisuke grabbed your wrist, that you realized what you had done.

Your face grew hot, “I’m so sorry!”

“Don’t apologize,” Kisuke murmured, kissing your neck, “unless you don’t plan on finishing what you started.”

The need to please grew inside you as you nodded your head. Shyly, you reached for the button of his slacks with Kisuke kissing your face as encouragement. You pulled the zipper down from his pants, pulling his hard cock out of the confines of his briefs.

His thick cock stood hard and erect, precum trickling down. You gulped as you stared at him, a lazy smirk on his face.

“Hold it like this,” Kisuke instructed, placing your hand over his cock. He hissed lightly as you gently wrapped around his shaft, as you began to lightly pump him.

“Tighter,” he remarked, squeezing your ass, to which you yelped. “’atta girl, that’s it.” He complimented you once your pace began to even out, your grip tightening over his cock.

Kisuke grabbed your head and slammed his lips onto yours. The motion startled you, as you almost let go of his erection if it weren’t for his hand holding you in place. You whimpered into the kiss as you began to pump him faster. Kisuke let out a low moan as he came over your hand and dress.

“Good girl,” he murmured, placing a soft kiss on your forehead. You felt like cold water had been dumped all over you as you stared at your hand… and the wetness between your panties and Kisuke’s thigh.

You hesitantly lifted your hips, embarrassment filling you to find warm, sticky residue of where your pussy would be, leaving a dark spot on his pants. You were trembling in Kisuke’s arms, unable to look him in his eyes.

All you heard was his laughter, “it seems like my teacher likes something else besides kissing me.”

Thank you to my amazing beta editor/reader @worldsetfree on tumblr! Their feedback was so helpful for this chapter.

Poor reader really needs to stop overthinking... but easier said than done! But will Kisuke be as honest with her as she is with him? HMMMMM dun dun dunnnn.

[permanentreverie]

I HAVE NEVER BEEN A HAPPIER GIRL. EVER.

[faunandfloraas]

i hope whatever weird thing thats wrong with me is resolved by the concert next month bc if its not im really not seeing how i'll be able to go

[raviollies]

Damn I just wanted to say the tags on your post really hit me…almost word for word I relate to all of that and I’ve been struggling trying to find a job to keep myself sane. I had a lot of those same thoughts and especially over the pandemic and it was unhealthy and awful and I lost a friendship that meant a lot to me bc of the same feelings you express in your tags. I’ve gotten a lot better, or at least I like to think I have, but learning to live with the knowledge of how you used to be (or at least being more aware of how not to be like that), and knowing you can’t turn back time has been hard. Seeking validation and attention…oof that all just hits so terribly home.

I think a lot of people developed a very unhealthy relationship with the internet over the pandemic - thankfully I was an essential worker so my pause in employment was super brief.

It IS hard to reconcile that that was also you but at the end of the day the best you can do is acting different and making a difference in the positive direction. You can't UNDO those actions - so really...moving forward is the ONLY thing to do. & while it doesn't excuse your actions, I do believe some grace needs to be given when it is coming from an unstable place such as mental illness.

I will admit I still have a very unhealthy relationship with validation. Not just online but it is turned up to 11 due to the whole dopamine hit of comments and likes. It used to be BAD, it would make me cry if a post flopped because I felt like people didn't care. It's an INCREDIBLY tough cycle, especially for someone mentally ill, but even for someone neurotypical it's common to descend into unfathomable toxicity in hopes of getting love from internet strangers. I mean recently there was a pretty prominent Vtuber scandal that was the most HORRID behavior all for the sake of being a popular streamer.

The internet is both a place that can really abate loneliness while worsening it in other aspects.

[danderria]

Lark Oak-Garcia (S2, 20/31)

Here is the art by @mj-thrush-gxn that inspired Lark's outfit (and especially the twins' accessories)

Check out the other characters in this project here

More outfits under read more!

[jrueships]

guess whos not going in at all this week, actually

[hopecomesbacktolife]

thinking of rereading the entirety of HoME again. for my health

[sillymagicfroggie]

me, not a skilled deltarune player: hmm i hear [chapter 4 boss] is difficult so i'll look up a strategy real quick

me after reading the strategy: huh ok makes sense. some people beat this in 1-3 tries this way? fabulous i bet i can do it no sweat

[a Long Time later] turns out it's not no sweat, it's a lot of sweat. and i haven't even succeeded

[itzphynix]

My brain is so full of Bees about Post-Shift 2.

It's a fan game that was delayed for 4 years -- by the time it released, fnaf fangames as a whole were not as popular as they had been, & most people in the scene had forgotten about Post-Shift 1, so not a lot of people heard about it/played it.

Worse still is the people who did talk about the game. Pretty unanimously, the consensus was this: this game is the craziest, most insane fnaf fangame. It's overly difficult with mechanics that have no rhyme or reason to them & tutorials that are wordy, unhelpful, & sometimes actively mislead the player, meaning you need to comb through a lot of text only to be misinformed. It's not as infamous as some other fangames, but it definitely was talked about very poorly.

In general, I think most of these criticisms were blown up out of proportion, but I can't really disagree with most people's problems -- it is difficult & wordy, & rather hard to understand. I think, however, that the game is still 1. Really fun, 2. Not a bad game at all, &, most importantly, 3. Is a free fucking game that was clearly a passion project. Most damn fangames never get off the fucking ground when made in groups because the creators will never make a red cent off the thing -- this game was made by one dude for 4 years & delivered to people for free. It didn't ask anything of you except to accept it as a difficult game & to not go in with wild expectations. The dev just wanted to make a game that was rough, but he also wanted to make a game that felt unique & was fun. & It is fun, too, is the damn thing.

[good-beans]

Writing full-casted Milgram fic is like that scene from Sound of Music when Maria is naming all the children and forgets one -- I'll be halfway through a scene and be counting heads of who I mentioned before whirling around like GOD BLESS KURT (<- aka fuck I forgot Muu)

[criscura]

I wish I wasn't so exhausted and I could make more art.... I even planned out a whole prompt-a-day month for Saigenos/Genosai, TWICE, but the first time no one seemed like they could participate when I asked about it, and the second time I friggin lost the damned plan. I could remake it a third time, but I just....I don't know.

I've been really struggling to get along for a while, and I think if it didn't hit it off--or even if I just got really productive and it seemed like I was reaching crickets--I'd be so incredibly discouraged that it would bring me down even further. It usually takes my stuff a few months to a year to get reach, and that really doesn't do anything for me when I need the support immediately.

It's not that I don't have a billion ideas for so many different things, but my battery has been taking longer and longer to charge up and it's been running out faster and faster, and it's been like this for....a year?? Ish?? Maybe longer, I don't know.

I wish I could just stop needing so much fucking time to bounce back.....