danderria

[danderria]

imagine you're some guy and you're going through the woods one day and you stumble upon a house and the people who live there just give you free food and eventually let you inside and it's like nothing you've ever seen before and the people are so nice and loving towards you and then one day they decide to never let you leave again, steal your balls, and give you a stupid fucking hair cut

[danderria]

[danderria]

CONCLAVE (2024) + LETTERBOXD REVIEWS

[danderria]

don't ever look up what your childhood friends are up to now!!!!!!!!!! like girl you're a nuclear safety engineer. i put on matching socks today. we played tag a thousand years ago.

[danderria]

[danderria]

[danderria]

GAGGED

[danderria]

open sims roleplay

‘Oh feebee lay…’

[danderria]

[danderria]

one time I had a dream that I unlocked a secret never-before-discovered achievement in Disco Elysium by squeezing into various nooks and crannies and got a special copotype called “Crevice Cop: seek out and inhabit crevices like some kind of man-spider” and I thought yeah!!! man-spider!!! crevice cop!!! this game GETS me!!!

and then I woke up to find that I had fallen partially down into the gap between my partner’s bed and the wall and was horrifically contorted and in agonizing bodily pain from sleeping in a position only comfortable to a brown recluse

[danderria]

i miss everyone

[danderria]

So you’re in college and one day this student athlete who’s in your improv class asks you to be his date at an event for his team. It’s nothing serious—everyone knows he’s in a committed relationship, but it’s also a long-distance relationship, and he explains that they’ve decided to keep it at least semi-open while apart, so you could totally hook up with him—and he’s nice and easy to talk to, and so you overlook the fact that his team is consistently wrapped up in some scandal or another (especially the new guy). The drive there is pretty chill, except as soon as you get there, the coach gives the star player (who’s also famous) a bottle of vodka and he just goes to town on it, which is weird, but whatever. And then you go inside and find your seats, which are across from the team’s rivals (which—really? who planned this?), and the world’s tensest, most confusing conversation devolves into the new guy ripping into the other team’s captain (who, by the way, is also famous), and you all get moved to sit with the coaches, which is weird but fine. After eating, things are good—you dance with your date, some people have a volleyball game going, and other than some altercation happening off to the side of the room (you’re pretty sure the guy’s team captain just hit a guy in the balls with her heels), everything is normal, and eventually the coach rounds you up and you head back to campus, and after that you don’t really do anything with the guy again, but around thanksgiving one of his cousins kills a guy, and then the new guy comes back from winter break with one of the face tattoos the two famous guy and their friend have, and then a few months later he gets kidnapped by his dad (who was apparently a serial killer he was running from?) and even with all of that they somehow not only make it to finals but are the first team to ever beat their rivals out—and for the championship trophy, no less—and the other team’s captain maybe tries to kill the new guy on live tv but the guy from improv’s other cousin stops him by breaking his arm, and shortly after the game the news breaks that the other team’s captain killed himself after losing, after which his coach steps down and a bunch of information starts leaking suggesting that the rival team was some kind of cult. Your name is Jim, and you kind of think you should quit improv and maybe transfer schools.

[danderria]

What’s my favorite horror movie? Oh probably Jean coming back from distracting Riko to find Kevin gone from the nest

[danderria]

aquarium advertisments say stuiff like discover the longtooth grouper this friday

[danderria]

If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise 

[danderria]

hey sexy. I can tell by the frequency of your blog updates that you are once again avoiding it all