#I HAVE CLASS IN THREE HOURS
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STILL thinking about drunk chess actually
stupid as hell bonus:
#mcu#marvel cinematic universe#xmen#xmen movies#xmen first class#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#snap sketches#i have. an exam in three hours :} <-#anyway remind me never to color a comic again THIS WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE QUICK AND SILLY#i havent drawn And Colored a comic in literal months please forgive me#the only thing quick and silly was the bonus doodle vjaelkeajeklj i swear it totally slipped my mind to have the pieces somewhere#too caught up in . The Above#anyway. never doing this again !!!!!#why does chess have to be their thing im tired of drawing chess. ive drawn so much chess in my life#AND IM GOING TO DO IT AGAIN WHEN I GET THE CHACNE I HAVE ANOTHER DUMB POST OF MINE TO DRAW#im not checking this for any mistakes or whatever idc im posting this as is and thatll be that#for now. good morning JVERLKJEAKLJ im gonna sleep for an hour then prepare my brain#1k notes ill draw em snoggin nasty style or whatever
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"Severus was mean to his students."
Ma'am, Severus was a man in his thirties with three jobs, responsible for teaching seven different year groups, grading their assignments and exams, performing his regular teaching duties, working as a spy for Dumbledore (constantly risking his safety and life to infiltrate the inner circle of the most dangerous man in history), working for the Order of the Phoenix, and keeping an eye on a group of reckless brats who spent 24/7 putting themselves in danger because they were incapable of accepting the word “no.” As a result, he constantly had to put himself at risk 24/7 to make sure they didn’t end up dead. And in the midst of all that workplace exploitation, for which he received literally zero incentives or rewards, those same kids, who had him at his wit’s end because he was already drowning in underpaid work, were the ones backtalking him, suspecting him, stalking him to see what he was "up to," or simply challenging him constantly.
I mean, it’s not that I don’t care that Severus’s treatment of his students was questionable—it’s just that I’m 28 years old, with a job, debts to pay, bills to manage, and adult responsibilities. The mere thought of having not one but two extra jobs, on top of all that, which also put my life at risk, and having to deal with the nonsense of a bunch of insufferable kids, honestly gives me major anxiety. So, I can understand why another adult, ten times more overworked than I am and with triple the responsibilities, wouldn’t have the time, patience, or energy to be nice to kids who either just added more work to his plate (Neville) or only contributed to his stress and frustration with their awful attitudes.
Severus wasn’t a poor, innocent soul or a victim, but he was a dysfunctional adult with an overwhelming workload and terrible working conditions who was completely fed up with everything. And honestly, no one can understand that better than other dysfunctional adults with too much work, low pay, and a similar level of frustration with life.
#imagine having three jobs#full of classes#exams or homeworks to check#then having to spy the most dangerous man in the world#then have to put an eye on a little brat who is always putting himself in danger#like you have at most two or three hours of sleep every fucking day#and then you are in class and some student is basically being a mess#i mean#the stress#the anxiety#the anger#i totally can understand#severus snape#pro severus snape#severus snape defende#severus snape fandom#snapedom
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Okay but can FCG actually take a level in gunslinger. If any cleric in this show has the energy to go full "I'm a healer, but— [cocks gun]" it is FCG.
#critical role#fresh cut grass#cr spoilers#(for the level up video which this is in reference to. it's on Twitter.)#listen Pike and Jester are both fully willing to kill when they want to but they don't have gun vibes in particular#FCG has gun cleric vibes#this will only make their random assaults worse but nonetheless i think he deserves it#the fact that none of you told me i wrote class instead of level in this even after three hours is a betrayal. how dare. 😤 (jk lol)
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I'm probably going to do a terrible job of articulating myself here but every time I think about the worldbuilding in Hatoful Boyfriend, I think about the implications of having the birds simply have adopted the structure and policies of human society and go insane.
It's clearly originally just for the ridiculousness of it all for the players, but AGH it explains so much regarding the extremely rampant classism/racism/speciesism and how apparently normalized it is. It also, to me, adds a bit of moral nuance to the Dove - Hawk Party conflict.
(Long post under the cut. I'm so sorry I just kept going.)
First off, I'm obsessed with the concept of the birds becoming sapient and simply... taking over a society that was not structured for them. It leads to difficulties in universe! Bird wings are not made for doing tasks that human hands can do naturally - there's a couple instances where the characters ask for Hiyoko's assistance or express envy since she can just do the task more easily than they can. The birds are outright disadvantaged in certain areas of life, and yet, the society is in such turmoil due to the newness of it all that there still aren't really any workarounds for stuff like this.
Not that there haven't been any suggested solutions, such as the Labor 9 series, put forward initially by the Dove Party. Yeah, you know, that one throwaway line about how the party that up until this point have been the "good guys" wanted to take still semi-conscious human brains and make robotic slaves out of them Cyberman-style? What the hell. And what gets me is that Shuu was able to find the initial proposal, which he really only made tweaks to, which means that the project was at least close to being finished on the conceptual/planning/design phase before somebody went "hey this is a little fucked up actually".
The Dove Party wants peaceful coexistence with the humans, while the Hawk Party wants to eliminate humanity entirely. But we don't really go into how these two lines of thought evolved. I believe I have a suggestion for at least one part of the puzzle though.
Of all the birds in Hatoful, who enjoys the most privileges and the highest status? Fantails, it would seem. A breed of pigeon that is popular as a pet, considered beautiful and sought after, and achieve high accolades in shows and competitions - for clarity's sake, fantails were valuable in human society, and this status appears to have transferred when birds became sapient and took over. Conversely, which birds are ranked lower and often blocked from entering certain higher class places? Rock doves, who, in human society, are given an unfairly bad reputation, and considered anything from unclean and dirty, to nuisances, to pests. Again, this status transferred over when the birds took over.
So, while we don't know too many of the birds who make up the agents of the Dove and Hawk Party, let's take a look at who we do know of.
Fantails (Yuuya, Dove Party) are considered valuable over other doves and pigeons for being specially bred for their striking tail feathers
Cockatiels (Leone, Dove Party) are some of the most popular and beloved companion birds, kept as pets and considered very friendly
Rock doves (Ryuuji, Hawk Party) are considered unclean pests who receive a bad reputation, and are generally not treated with respect or appreciation <;- notable thing to mention here is that Ryuuji actually does like humans - I think he was only Hawk affiliated for the grant money and research facilities, which... fair enough man.
Chukar partridges (Shuu/Isa, Hawk Party) are game birds, specifically bred and released to be killed and eaten, and considered a delicacy
...do you... see what's going on here?
(I haven't mentioned Tohri as he's a special case. Give me a minute and I'll get to him!)
The birds we see in the Dove Party are those birds that were already viewed in a more favourable light by humans, a favourability that transferred over to their new society. Of course they are more likely to advocate for coexistence! They have less to lose, overall. And the Labor 9 series, and how that could've ever been suggested in the first place, suddenly makes a lot of sense. For many of these birds, society the way it exists now benefits them. Some of these high ranking Dove Party folks may be less about actual peace and justice (like Yuuya or Leone) and more about maintaining the current order of things - humans coexisting under their control, while they get to maintain their status... which is itself a product of human invention.
The birds we see in the Hawk Party, by contrast, are looked down on or hunted. Historically, even before bird sapience, they did not have a harmonious relation with humans - and it's likely this status carried over to their new society also, with many of these birds being more likely to have been disenfranchised. Their goal of elimination is therefore reactionary towards perceived threat. After all, the people who suffer when things go wrong aren't the ones at the top - it's all the people who sit at the bottom of the social rung; the vulnerable members of society who do not enjoy the same advantages as others.
Of course, the Hawk Party has built itself up into such a powerful group that they may have lost touch with this starting foundation - the only thing that remains is likely that reactionary fear. After all, people caught up in the actual conflict - Nageki, Hitori, Ryouta, and Hiyoko - see this kind of horrible bloodshed firsthand (firstwing?) and just want it to stop.
Again, it's not usually the people in these political factions who are the ones caught up in their conflict. It's the individuals who lack power or influence.
But that's just the political groups themselves. On an individual level, it's kind of interesting to look at and theorize where along the spectrum our core cast falls based on their species/breed.
Ryouta (rock dove) is actually rather indifferent towards humanity as a whole - he just likes Hiyoko. However, his witnessing of the Heartful House tragedy led him to abhor violence and unnecessary loss of life, and I'd imagine his mother's later illness solidified this. Ryouta doesn't seem overly interested in political struggles or the broader implications of a lot of things - he's actually a rather self-oriented character when it comes down to it (this is not a judgment, nor a bad thing! I love my boy!). Ryouta just doesn't want to lose people, really. A conflict would mean more loss, and rock doves seem to have to struggle enough as is.
Hiyoko (human) is the daughter of two diplomats, but interestingly, we don't get to see much of her political views on things - perhaps because even if she expressed them, it wouldn't really matter - she's not herself a diplomat, and humans are the lowest of the low - her going to a fancy school doesn't really change that. Social-wise, except with her friends, she is tolerated, not accepted. Yet, it's safe to say that Hiyoko strongly disapproves of people who flaunt their status - she's quick to not take crap from Sakuya, to get angry on behalf of Ryouta and herself over the gull clerk's assholery, and also to defend Miru and Kaku as living beings worthy of respect. Interestingly though, she also uses Okosan's status as a fantail to get Ryouta to let go of him and let him do whatever he wants so... it's kind of unclear what her firm beliefs are. Perhaps, as a human, she still values fantails more highly. I don't know honestly. Implicit bias?
Sakuya, Yuuya and Okosan (fantail pigeons) may share the same breed, but their experiences are highly different. Sakuya is largely separate from the human-bird conflict, as he is unlikely to be directly affected by it. As such, a lot of his story and development has to do with actually learning and un-learning about the world outside of the limitations of his "father's" classist views, which he simply mimics without understanding the larger implications. Yuuya and Okosan, on the other hand, may be fantails, but are also looked down on and often treated as inferior - Yuuya for being a "half-breed" and for his reputation, and Okosan for being closer to feral than a lot of other doves. Interestingly, these two show more interest and respect for the individual than Sakuya does, who often makes sweeping generalizations based on status - which makes sense to a degree, as they've been on the receiving end of this kind of treatment, whereas Sakuya hasn't. Okosan believes that each person has their own "wonderful names" (read: identity outside of breed or status), while Yuuya is a genuine fighter for justice who is able to get to the heart of people, especially in Holiday Star. However, even though they have experienced classism, they still have certain privileges with regards to species/race - take Okosan's shock when Hiyoko and Ryouta are barred entry from his favourite store. None of them are quite as out of place in everyday society as some of the other birds here, and it's notable that "diverse" St. Pigeonations still apparently has a significant fantail student population.
Shuu (chukar partridge) is really interesting, as he doesn't particularly care for the politics of the Hawk Party, and yet his role as a killer/hunter of both his fellow birds and humans is an interesting reversal of the chukar being a game bird. Shuu also has a disability (his semi-paralyzed right side) which hinders him in bird society even more than most. His extreme, yet coldly logical solution to kill all humans to stop the fighting between them, could be as much his rationality, as his joy in the sadistic, as a reactionary survivalism (remember he was caught up in a human terrorist attack as a child - while overall he considered this beneficial to him, he also did lose much of his colour vision and the use of his right side, so it did leave him weakened). Shuu attains control by "flipping the script" as it were.
Tohri (golden pheasant) starts out in the Hawk Party, but much like his colleagues, doesn't seem to care much for their politics. Golden pheasants are game birds whose eggs can be eaten, but are more often bred and kept for their plumage - they're not prey, but they're not exactly pets either. All this puts Tohri in this interesting position of being somewhat in the middle of this conflict, and indeed he goes on to be a part of (found?) the Crow Party - an opportunistic group that seeks to benefit from the overall conflict. Golden pheasants are birds intended to be admired for their beauty and intelligence more than anything else, benefitting in some ways from humans without a strong connection or a reliance, and Tohri's opportunism fits nicely with that. (As an aside, our sole crow character, Albert, is also something of an opportunist, being an assassin on the fringes of society.)
Hitori and Kazuaki (button quails) are somewhat interesting. It would be both expected and understandable if Hitori held hatred for humanity after the Heartful House incident, or even before then, considering they were all war orphans. Instead, he doesn't seem to harbour any particular ill-will - he seems totally fine around Hiyoko, and her being a human has nothing to do with his reticence with letting Nageki hang out with her in the shrine universe. Kazuaki, too, doesn't seem to mind Hiyoko being human and isn't afraid of her any more than he is anyone else. While quails are game birds, with both meat and eggs being eaten, button quails are too tiny for that and are mostly kept as pets - they are considered cute, silly, and entertaining, though a bit too jumpy to be outright companion birds. The quails don't seem to experience too much in the way of speciesism (except arguably with the whole mistaken identity of Kazuaki's corpse... there may be a bit of an "all quails look the same" thing going on perhaps). At the very least, they are able to occupy teaching positions at a renowned school as respected intellectuals, and did go to university. Still, it's kind of a known thing that you don't put button quails with bigger, more dominant birds, since larger birds will often pick on them or even outright try to kill them simply because they're small and shy - this may, in hindsight, explain some of Kazuaki's demeanour.
Nageki (mourning dove) and Anghel (luzon bleeding heart dove) are the two who are uncommon bird species in Japan. Nageki is another war orphan, who would be forgiven for harbouring resentment for humanity, but instead is appalled at the violence and made a huge sacrifice to get it to stop. It's kind of unclear how Nageki fits into this society, as mourning doves are not prey or pets - they're wild birds. They live on the outside of the human world, and while Nageki exists within current bird society, he likely doesn't have a designated status within it. Nageki is unfortunately also alienated from much of the action due to his illness and later his untimely death - this is why a lot of Nageki's thoughts are somewhat from an observer's perspective, with his most emotional moments being derived from his rare direct experiences - specifically the Heartful House tragedy and the human killings he was forced into, which solidified a really firm stance of not wanting anyone to suffer like that. Anghel is another outsider, this time genuinely a foreigner, as opposed to Nageki. Again, Luzons are wild birds, not prey or pets, and so it's a bit unclear what his status is. This might explain why Hiyoko repeats Sakuya's remarks towards him without apparently realizing they're actually insults - Anghel is removed enough from the conflict she is familiar with that it seems she doesn't quite... get it. Again, Anghel's role is as this strange kind of omniscient observer, whose perspective is closer to the player's than to the rest of the cast. He definitely frowns on the Hawk Party's overall goal - the Demon Spores are evil to him, and his main objective is to stop them from spreading, as they would cause damage to both birds and humans. I attribute his morals to his mother having raised him right lol. The lack of a clear status for both of them may be why they appear to take the stance of judgment based on individual actions, but are not heavily involved in the conflict itself - while humans tend to like mourning doves and luzons, there isn't much interaction that goes on between them. Nageki and Anghel are simply less embroiled in bird society's human-derived status conflict, which makes them both outsiders and observers.
As a bonus note, Azami, Rabu and Kenzaburou are all species of birds that can be kept as pets (java sparrow, budgie, parakeet), which may account for some of their friendliness towards Hiyoko, and Kenzaburou's willingness to hire her. Kenzaburou is even a bit old-fashioned it seems - he sleeps in a cage, which implies his ancestors were probably pet birds themselves. It's likely he, in particular, has more positive views on humans.
...Please tell me I'm not the only one who spent ages thinking about the implications and workings of a fictional post-apocalyptic bird society. Also I hope this made sense I kind of went off the rails here.
#storyrambles#anyways this was supposed to be a quick write up. yet here I am three hours later. does this even read properly anymore. help.#the one thing i'm a little unclear on here is how the ichijou family fits into all this. ichijou mino the headmaster was a nicobar pigeon#i find it likely mino was hawk affiliated if we're going with the trend here (nicobars are heavily exploited for food/#gizzard stones/zoos/illegal pet trade) and also note that he signed off on the human representative directive#but i want to know how shuu fits into that as he was formerly ichijou utsuro. who has the ichijou name? why different species?#are they prominent benefactors of the hawks? interesting to think on#also i was thinking about the gulls - they seem to be fairly high class but gulls definitely do not have a good reputation with humans lmao#however gulls get to do whatever they want a lot of the time because they are loud. and like to bully others (including humans)#i hereby propose they gained power by doing much the same once birds gained sapience hjfhbdf#hatoful boyfriend#hatoful spoilers#holiday star#hatoful meta
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Did too much homework and ran out of homework, so I drew berdly
#when was the last time i drew this specimen#normally id put something funny or depressing here but i am out of both funnies and depresses#so here's some ducks instead#🦆🦆🦆#<-ducks#enjoy#kris#berdly#deltarune#deltarune comic#((short but a comic))#doodles#dawn spell words right the first time challenge: impossible#if you saw the last post no you didn't#i still have a three hour class I'm gonna evaporate y'all
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guess which boyfailure just broke down crying in a culver's !!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
#💬 ⌗ 𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐜𝐭'𝐬 𝐫𝐚𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 . . . ✧#so im . i have to makeup an online class session right#i have to be on a zoom from 7 pm to 9#and im like cool sure i can do that but i just got out of conditioning and the crew team is going to culvers for fundraising#and like... the zoom wont be that strict right. i can have my camera off probably haha#top ten words spoken before disaster i tell u wtf#girl pulls up to the zoom call#CALLS ATTENDANCE 4 TIMES#btw#atp im in the culvers line tryna order right. she then sets down some rules#camera on. microphone has to be working#okok rudimentary stuff i can work w that right.. haha no then she goes you cant talk or laugh keep ur full face in the frame and NORMALLY t#that kinda sturff wouldnt be a probelm but im over here at culvers being big backed yk so i go ok. no worries ill lock in#so i borrow my friends knockoff airpods and sneak a couple bites in of my cheese curds but like fast sneaky and hand over mouth type shit y#anyways the tags are probably gonna get cut off so ill wrap this up. i suffer through not being able to take a bite of my burger for a good#hour and 20 minutes and thne my phone just fucking dies. after all that#i had to like dodge my friends hands in the air i had to make sure no one was in my camera frame cause girl would regularly check too#that and my lack of sleep for the past three weeks just accumulate to me sobbing in culvers im so paatheicsdafjsdl
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shoutout to the audhd + auditory processing issues making me feel like a stupid fucking idiot once again
#literally in the front row and cant hear the guest speaker over zoom#and this is like. all the class is#we listen to her on zoom via projector in the classroom and then we write a page reflection#but bro i've gotten like. so little out of it and i've already been here for an hour#its a three hour class fml#i feel so dumb#and it seems like the prof just doesnt care and keeps brushing off concerns ab the audio#aaaggghhh im frustrated#can i have a new brain please#silas speaks#audhd#audio processing issues#audio processing disorder#autism#autism spectrum disorder#autistic#adhd#adhd problems#audhd problems#neurodivergent#neurodiverse#neurodiversity
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3 YEARS SINCE CTOMMY DIED... GOOD LORD
#my post#caps#I WAS IN SHOCK#NONONO I REMMEBER I WAS IN REHEARSAL WHEN THE STREAM AHPPENED SO WHEN I GOT HOME I WAS WATCHING THE VOD#AND I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH THE VOD NO SPOILERS WHEN I GOT A NOTIF OF JACK GOING LIVE#AND HIS TITLE WAS SOMETHING LIKE 'TOMMYS DEAD LETS CELEBRATE' AND I WAS LIKE ??? SURELY NOT???? SURELY NOT????????#AND THEN HE DIEDDDDD AND I STARED BLANKLY INTO THE DISTANCE FOR THREE DAYS STRUAGHT#LITERALLY IT WAS ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT ALL DAY#I WAS LIKE OBSESSIVELY COUNTING TH EMINUTES SINCE HED DIED#LIKE AT SCHOOL SITTING IN CLASS LIKE 'it has been 37 hours and 42 minutes since ctommy died' IT WAS BAD#AND THEN ID DRIVE HOME LISTENING TO SAD MUSIC AND CRY BCUS IT REMINDED ME OF HIM..........#I WAS DOING SO WELL. AS U CAN TELL. AS YOU CAN SO CLEARLY SEE.#TOMMYS DEATH DID HORRIBLE TERRIBLE THINGS TO ME AND IM SP GLAD HE WAS ONLY DEAD FOR 3 DAYS BCUS I WOULD NEOT HAVE SURVIVED
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I would like to both thank and blame tumblr for the phrase "turn slow tigers into fast tigers with this one neat trick!" Like, I am grateful for it as a mnemonic that stuck that reminds me to go punch the punching bag* when I get too stressed out and can't function well from acute stress, but also I can no longer refer to it any other way because when I get that stressed I have trouble with words Which means today I was putting on my wrap gloves and my brother was looking at me like "what are you doing?" and all I could say was "turning slow tigers into fast tigers" *I think the original post was about taking a short run or tensing all your muscles and then releasing them? But my response to stress is very much not flight lol
#the person behind the yarn#it worked though!! and he's on tumblr so he knew what I meant#are they called wrap gloves? wrist wraps?? hand wraps???#the wraps like you'd wear under boxing gloves but in glove form themselves instead of a long strip of fabric#and with padding on the knuckles#back before I got sick I used to do what was pretty much MMA sparring#in that that was not the specific style we were learning but once a week we had sparring hour#and like half the people that came were MMA dudes#which also means I can say (I find this hilarious but my sister doesn't)#I have only been punched in the face by three people: a toddler. my sister. and a professional MMA fighter#that dude got SO MUCH GRIEF from the rest of the class for even barely hitting my face. it was hilarious#I was probably the youngest person in the sparring group by well over a decade they were super nice#today was my first time hitting the punching bag in like...8-9 months?#I stayed away from it while I was anemic because that seemed a bad idea#and it was great!!! my new meds meant I could use the punching bag for more than like two minutes at a time!#and it didn't skyrocket my heart rate!!! or at least not as badly!!!#so I think I will get back into using it more often
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I realized I had forgotten to swatch for the button hole before starting the second sleeve. And an Hour later I have a swatch with 8 button holes before I got happy with how they look. The pattern basically says "make buttonhole" and I'm not experienced enough with garment knitting to go on just that.
I did manage to confirm that despite sizing up my yarn, I'm still going to need 1 inch/25mm buttons. I don't currently have 6 matching 25mm buttons that would look good with this yarn, so decisions have to be made. And unfortunately my brain has decided the best possible button would be a rose gold coloured shank back(?) button preferably that looks like an actual flower. Which, good luck to me for finding that relatively affordably.
I think I'm just going to knit the cardigan and decide once it's all sewn up. If it fits well and I think I'll wear it, I'll spend the money to get Nice buttons.
#swatching the button holes only took an hour of testing and writing and googling tutorials for things#but looking at buttons on ebay/etsy/random craft stores... that was three hours#i had fun tho tbh i love shopping :)#there IS novel reasons for the Ideal Buttons!!!#theres no actual description of buttons or anything. but still Novel Reasons#the Guy who Knit the Cardigan is representing by gold. like his hairs and eyes are described as golden regularly#i think its actually like a pale gold? but i think rose gold with the pinkish would look better with this pink#(i don't actually own anything rose gold i plan on taking a swatch with me to Somewhere with Rose gold to see them together)#also this is a designer pattern. the buttons deserve a bit of Class. i found some chanel buttons that would be great if i give up on flower#another thing about the Guy who Knits is that he like. CONSTANTLY is bringing the protag flowers. somehow not bl btw#off the top of my head i'm 100% sure he brings him carnations and i'm prettyyyyy sure roses?#sadly there's no canon colour on the carnations. the list of questions i have for the author grows every day#but the flower buttons Speak to me. maybe if i go for more simple buttons i can get a carnation applique or something#also i really really hope that i can read my own handwriting in the (v optimistic) two months it'll be before i knit the button bands
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i’m so sad uni starts next week
#also my hospital shifts start and i’m throwing up at the thought of interacting with patients#ok but this sem i locked in and didn’t get any evening classes thank god#and all my classes are squeezed into t-th#so there’s that i guess#🙂↕️ but i need to keep my gpa up lordddd#ALSO WINTER IS MY OPP I HATE WALKING TO CLASS IN THREE FEET OF SNOW#AND LUGGING MY FUCKASS JACKET EVERYWHERE#AND MY CAR HAVING TEN LAYERS OF SNOW EVERY MORNING#💔 and if i wanna take the bus i gotta wake up an hour earlier my life is jinja so hard#also none of my classes r fun this semester#so fml ig guys#my sleep schedule is so fucked my ass been going to bed at 7am#and i need to get up…at 7am…for classes next week#need 2 kms
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10am
me: oh boy i sure hope i can start gigging this holiday season, but i don't know very many people so i don't know how!
2pm
my violinist friend's teacher: hey iris are you available to do a gig in my church this weekend?
me: oh fuck yeah
#hopefully this will lead to More Stuff#idk i need to Get Networking but i also need to fix whatever problem i have w facebook (my account got blocked#for 'violating guidelines' approximately two seconds after i made it and then i appealed and IT DENIED ME????)#idk my friends said facebook is where you get all the 'old people gigs' (their words) but fuck that until i fix this ig#i guess i could do more stuff on instagram but i haven't done much at all yet and dont have many#if any videos of performances i feel comfortable and confident sharing / using to advertise myself...#im taking music business next semester idk how much that will help but its three fucking hour class so hopefully at least#a bit lol#and now doing this that's people who will Know me right so hopefully they will call me back at some point#i just am not sure how to find people who need violists!!!!!!!!#i should my TA for help tbh. why didn't that occur to me sooner she's literally like the most wonderful and helpful person#on the planet#i will email her in the morning ☝🏼☝🏼☝🏼#bluebird.txt
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group projects are the worst. hell of earth. my worst nightmare.
i thought i was getting better in social settings but no. ofc not.
i messed up. not even big time messing up so i can have legit reason to mope about it. ofc not. i said no to one group and now ppl are upset at me and that. is such a horrible feeling. it's such a tiny reason for such catastrophic feelings.
why is my mind like this girl you're not even failing a single class you score better than most it's just that a few ppl might not like you for a while. you're academic career isn't free falling chill
calm down.
suicide jokes ain't fun and all, but i srsly feel like flinging myself down a river and becoming one with the fish rn. literally. running away from the situation is the only thing that will solve this.
all this and i don't even know how the project will go. just end me now dear earth
#rants#why even.#i don't mind working much i chugging coffee three hours before a deadline. just. make it individual projects na#i hate my own insecurities more than anything or anyone else#i mean i'll live cause i have the exchange to take care of but i sure am not looking forward to going to class anymore
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as someone who knows what ur prev old man yaoi obsession was it checks out you like cherik.... same dynamic id say
For but a moment i thought you were referring to arasawa but nay you meant xehaqus 😔
#snap chats#as we have covered many a time … thats ok i still love them lowkey ……#‘your prev old man yaoi obsession’ do you have any idea how little that narrows it down#the list is small tho …. its barely a list tbh but anyway#yeah 😔 sorry i like old people in messy divorces …..#girllllll no cauuuussse the kh bbs novel still fucks me up idc if its been years eraqus being so whipped got me twisted …#i mean arasaw could be applicable too ig. Cute Old Man And His Attack Dog Husband yeah that checks out#even got the whole ‘dog’ thing going on an everything… cept one of thems a FREAK ABOUT IT <- charles#anyways. moving on.#i havw to drive in three hours and im gonna be mad all morning but then it’ll be over and my day will significantly improve#shoulsni get myself noodles after class yes or no !!!!!!!!#i wanna save money tho … but now thats its 1AM and i forgot to eat dinner noodles sound so yummy …..#no yk what sucks my fave noodle place aint evwn open on mondays. like excuse me.#WHATEVER i havw TWO noodle spots so CHOKE. i am rambling.#and ill ramble more I Kinda Wanna Get More Comics but all the comics i want arent available at my shop </3#im done rambling now …… goot bye …
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My toxic trait as a stay is that immediately upon learning minsung moved in together I assumed it was by choice (not a randomized partner arrangement) and then concluded everyone picked their own roommate.
#Minsung do randomly end up together so often too but this is such a huge deal to live with one person alone and anyway#Why would skz randomize room assignments when last time they split into dorms by work schedules#They reasoned that 3racha should live together but now they're in three separate dorms#It's a bit unreasonable to randomize it unless they take an actual issue rooming with the person closest in schedule#Even if minsung specifically wanted to room together why aren't Chan and Changbin sharing a dorm for convenience?#You can say it's randomized but again... why would they randomize it if normally binchan would prefer to share rides and work out together#And you could say they just wanted a change but Changbin and Hyunjin were already living together so they didn't change roommates#What's the point of randomizing for a change if they get their old roommate?#I can't help but suspect that Changbin and Hyunjin chose to move in together#And then that means the others chose each other too because#Why randomize when they can have Felix and Jeongin share a dorm where they game together#Or Jeongin and Seungmin share a dorm as vocalists who go to vocal classes together#And if chanlix were a thing theoretically they would have been in the same dorm Iike minsung but they are not#If skz did choose to randomize the roommate arrangements they inconvenienced themselves greatly going against previous logic#If they didn't randomize it that marks to me the death of all but four fandom ships. I don't think they're all dating or even queer#But if they were then the room split would have looked very different#Me personally I love that jeongchan are rooming together because that's my favorite dynamic#And I shall consider this a game changer in the way I view Hyunjin and Changbin's dynamic as well#My brain is going a mile an hour
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yall im bouta get a -8 trillion on that essay i just submitted. that was purely blind faith and bullshit
#i forgot. to do it until today. the due date. and by the time i remembered i had five hours.#to read two studies and a chapter of the textbook and then write a minimum of three pages in a format i’m unfamiliar with#i have a 97 in that class at the moment so hopefully this won’t kill me too bad but uhhhh. yeah no that was terrifying#college
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