#I HAD SO much fun but all i could think about was Is my mom texting me rn has she noticed is she texting me
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inawickedlittletown · 1 day ago
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One Year - BuckTommy - 8x06 fix it
Summary: This is my fix-it because I for one can't take that break up being the end. So, it takes a while, but they belong together. Words: 6k Read on Ao3
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The first time he saw Evan again, it was from afar. It had been a couple of weeks. They were at the same call, Tommy somehow winding up on the ground. He spotted Evan walking next to Eddie with Howie and Hen just ahead of them, heard their voices despite how loud everything was. He kept his distance, and only once ran into someone from the 118. Ravi, who gave him a smile and nod. 
The next time, it was at one of the badge and ladder bars. Lucy had forced him to go. Had she not been holding his arm, he would have turned and fled. Instead he saw Evan throw back a shot and then walk over to some guy whose physique told Tommy he had to be a firefighter. He saw as Evan said something that made the other guy laugh and then they were getting drinks together and…and Lucy took him out the door while he tried to catch a breath. 
Tommy wasn’t new to a break up…it was just that this one was hitting harder than any before. 
Before Evan, there had been three boyfriends. Before and in between were hookups and one-night stands and even some friends with benefits that popped in and out of his life. He’d come out when he was in his early thirties, around the same age as Evan. Of course, for Tommy it had been different. He’d been hiding it from everyone and even from himself. 
In the army, he and some other guys had had a bit of fun. Masturbating together and pretending it was all fine and heterosexual because they weren’t touching each other. He’d exchanged one or two blowjobs here or there like an exchange of favors with guys that had girlfriends waiting for them back home. He lied and told them he had a girl too. Pretended he didn’t like giving as much as he liked receiving. 
Things were much the same when he was at the 118, except that pretending he had a girlfriend was harder. He even tried to date women. Abby…he’d met Abby when the 118 went to a call about her mother. She’d almost burnt down her whole house by forgetting to turn off a stove and looking back that had definitely been an early sign of her dementia. Abby was nice and Tommy couldn’t deny that he got along with her and it helped that she understood how busy his job kept him and what his hours were like. 
Dating Abby was the first time he felt like maybe he could do it. Marry the girl. Have some kids. Lie to himself and the world forever. As unfair as it was to Abby, it just…Tommy could tell that it might work. It was why they got engaged. It was why he was so sure about getting married but then there were guys he met on calls or that he checked out from time to time and he didn’t think he would ever be able to put that away. Instead, he would wind up cheating on Abby and making the hurt worse. So, he broke it off and felt horrible when he realized that Abby had gotten the blow of her mom’s dementia diagnosis.
After Abby, Tommy went a little wild. He slept around. Found out more about himself. Knew that he could never do what he did to Abby to any other woman. He heard at some point about Abby taking up with a younger guy. In what universe could Tommy have expected that years later he would date the same guy. 
One night, he ran into Karen at a Target of all places. Tommy was there to pick up detergent and he was just deciding between brand name or the store brand and also trying his hardest to not buy the brand he knew that Evan used, when a cart bumped into his. 
“I’m so sorry,” Karen said. 
He looked up slowly. 
“Tommy,” Karen said warmly. “Hi.” 
Behind her came Denny and Mara. Mara he’d only met a handful of times and he knew her to be a little shy. Denny smiled at him. 
“Hi, Tommy.”
“Oh. Hi,” Tommy said. “You got your cast off.” 
Denny nodded. “A little while ago.” 
He remembered sitting in that hospital waiting room and how he’d tagged along to Denny’s room and hadn’t expected that Denny would want him to sign his cast seeing as he was all but a stranger, but Denny did offer him the marker and Tommy did sign.
Despite wanting to, he didn’t ask about Evan. He hardly managed to ask about Hen. 
“She’s good,” Karen said and then, “hey, listen, you don’t have to be a stranger.” 
He offered her a tight smile. 
“I’m serious. Hey, how about dinner soon?”
He shrugged and Karen insisted, pulling out her phone and throwing dates at him until he agreed. 
Before she left, Karen grabbed his arm. “I don’t know what happened, no one really does, Hen says he doesn’t want to talk about it. You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to, but that doesn’t mean you’re not our friend still, Alright? That doesn’t just go for Hen and I, either.” 
Eddie had reached out the day after. The day after that too. And the one after that one. Then it was weekly. Then it was bi-weekly. Then came a final message. A voicemail. Tommy almost didn’t listen to it. 
“Hey, man,” Eddie said. “I guess you decided to cut all ties. I get it. Kind of. And look, Buck is my friend, but you are too and I don’t drop my friends. I know you’re hurting too, so don’t be afraid to reach out. I’m here for whenever you’re ready.” 
Tommy never called him. He thought about it. Almost texted him several times. He missed Eddie. 
He missed their easy friendship and the way that Eddie had welcomed him so wholly. He just couldn’t face him because Eddie would give it all away about how Evan was doing and Tommy wouldn’t be able to keep his own feelings in. It would burst out and then Eddie would know just how horrible Tommy really felt and how regretful too. 
He did regret it. 
He hated himself. 
Tommy went to dinner with Hen and Karen. It was good. Fun, even. Neither of them asked and Tommy didn’t offer any information. Instead, he got to hear about Mara’s adoption going through finally and about how Maddie was pregnant and doing really well. He tried not to think about Evan becoming an uncle for the second time and how excited he had to be over it. They exchanged Lucy stories and then stories from way back when Tommy was in the 118. Tommy promised they would do dinner again. 
The next time he ran into Evan, it had been more time than they had even been together. Tommy shouldn’t still be mourning the end of the relationship and yet…of course he was. Of course he still missed Evan desperately. So much for waylaying a heartbreak, there hadn’t been stopping that apparently and seeing Evan was like having someone reach right into his chest and squeeze. 
The first guy that he ever called boyfriend was a guy named Ivan. Ivan was a little older…okay, much older, and Tommy thought he was in love. Figured that was it and that he and Ivan could be forever. When Ivan broke it off because he met someone else, Tommy was devastated. 
“Tommy, I’m your first boyfriend, of course this wasn’t going to last. I always thought we were on the same page and that this was a bit of fun.” 
A month or so later, Tommy realized that Ivan was right. He wasn’t torn up and he hadn’t been in love as much as wanting the security of the relationship because it meant he didn’t need to keep looking for love. He’d gotten comfortable with Ivan, but what they hadn’t wasn’t something that would last no matter how much Tommy had thought it was what he wanted. 
The second guy came a year or so later. Paul was younger and Tommy met him while they were on a call. When Paul came by with muffins a few days later they got talking and Paul admitted that he was nervous but he’d wanted to see Tommy again. They had a few dates and then Tommy was rushing in with Paul. They spent every moment together and then moved in together too. 
When they broke up right before their one year anniversary, it was because Paul admitted that he never thought his first real relationship with a guy could be his last and that he had more options to explore. 
“Tommy, you were amazing. You will always be so important to me, but I’m not in love with you.” 
Somehow, that still hurt less than Evan and Tommy only had himself to blame for that. 
He saw Evan at a farmer’s market. He was with Jee-Yun who skipped ahead of him laughing. Evan was smiling after her. Tommy didn’t mean to follow, but he did keep his distance. Saw Evan buy a few things and smile at the girl that sold them to him, saw him stop at a stand selling apple cider, the man behind the counter blond and tall and bulky. Hot. His eyes were hazel and he was smiling at Evan and ignoring anyone else that approached. Evan was smiling back and doing that thing where he ducked his head bashfully before looking up through his eyelashes. Tommy’s heart ached. 
Tommy walked away from that. He turned and he walked until he was back at his car and then he sat there in his truck and let his mind wander because what if Evan asked that guy out? Or the girl? What if one of them wasn’t dumb like Tommy and stuck around and refused to let Evan go. What if Tommy never got a chance to…but he’d already blown his chance with Evan and he doubted there would ever be another. 
When he got to his shift later, Lucy took one look at him.
“Hey, you okay?” 
“I don’t think I’ve been okay for months.” 
Lucy hugged him. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened?” she asked. 
He shook his head. 
It was hard to even admit to himself how much he’d screwed up and how much he’d allowed his fear to color how he faced Evan wanting more than what they already had. He’d been unprepared when Evan brought it up and then it had been the Abby of it all and the way that Tommy knew he couldn’t expect for Evan to settle for him. That just wasn’t how it worked. He was the first, but not the last. Tommy just wasn’t good enough to be Evan’s last and it was something that Evan would figure out sooner or later. So why wait for their whole lives to get even more entwined and for everything to be so much harder when it all fell apart. 
One night, when Lucy showed up at his house to hang out, she had tried to bad-talk Evan as if that would help. It was the night she dropped information that Tommy hadn’t known and wasn’t it wild how much he and Evan had inadvertently not shared. Six months and they hadn’t talked about anything at all, apparently. 
Lucy and Evan had kissed once while drunk at a bar. 
The jealousy that hit him was…Tommy wasn’t usually a jealous guy and yet the very idea made him cringe and maybe he downed two shots back to back. 
“I kissed him,” Lucy said. “He didn’t push me away and I had no idea that he had a girlfriend at the time.”
It didn’t make him think badly of Evan, not the way that Lucy maybe intended. It just…it made Tommy wonder about how it would have gone if he was right. Would Evan have cheated on him once he realized he wanted more than what Tommy was willing to offer. But no…no, that wasn’t Evan was it? No, Evan would have stuck it out even when he got miserable and didn’t want to anymore and then Tommy would have had to say something and end it. 
“What happened after that?” Tommy had asked. 
“Between me and Buck? Nothing. I’m just saying, he isn’t this perfect guy either.”
As if Tommy didn’t know that, as if Tommy hadn’t seen exactly who Evan was from the get go. He was a mess, he was jealous, impulsive, he believed in curses, got pouty when he didn’t get his way. Evan was far from perfect, but Tommy had loved him because of it. He saw how much of the bad was still good or maybe not even bad at all. 
Lucy did leave him thinking about how they had never discussed exes until Abby and how maybe they should have. He wondered if Evan would have even brought up the Lucy of it all. He wondered how he would have taken Tommy’s own exes…Ivan and Paul and…and Henry. 
Henry was the last boyfriend before Evan. Gorgeous Henry who began as a friend and then started to get a bit flirty and who kissed Tommy for the first time at a New Years Eve party and then freaked out because Tommy was a guy. 
Weeks of not talking and Tommy not being able to stop thinking about him to an obsessive degree. How on Valentine’s day, he was surprised when red roses and chocolate was delivered to Harbor from Henry to Tommy and a simple note asking him out. He’d gotten so much shit for that, but Tommy had secretly loved it. The romance of it all, the sweetness. Henry had been so sweet. 
Henry who told Tommy that he was sorry but he had no idea guys were an option for him and how he couldn’t deny how much he wanted Tommy. They had long conversations about it and Tommy took it so slow that they didn’t even have sex for the first two months. 
Tommy didn’t realize that their feelings were different. Tommy had been crushing on Henry even before the kiss and then he had him. Henry had been mystified by Tommy and his attraction to him, but it wasn’t long before his eyes started to wander. Tommy had bought his house right before they started dating and when Henry’s roommate situation got a bit difficult he welcomed him right in. It had felt like the start of the rest of their lives. That had been a mistake. 
Tommy had been so blind. Looking back, the red flags had been evident. He’d been blinded by love and friendship and daydreams about a future he thought was within his grasp. Then, one night, when he managed to sprain an ankle, Tommy was first taken to the hospital and then sent home a whole thirteen hours earlier than expected. Henry hadn’t answered his calls, so Tommy got back home on his own. He found Henry in bed with a woman. 
The last time he saw Henry, it was when Henry picked up the last of his things and when Henry made his apologies and excuses it felt like Ivan and Paul before him. 
Tommy was never enough. Not enough. Always the placeholder for something or someone better. 
“Why not just break up with me?” Tommy remembered asking. 
“I didn’t know how. You were so…I’m sorry, Tommy. I guess I’m not done trying to figure out what I want.” 
The one thing Henry had figured out was that Tommy was not what he wanted. 
He did cry after Henry and then he threw himself into work and downloaded an app or two and didn’t try to date seriously. He had friends to call on lonely nights and then he could hit up a bar and find someone that way. Tommy had all but convinced him that it was all he’d ever have, until he met a firefighter with a cute birthmark who Tommy kissed without having planned to and who he almost wrote off after the first date and was so glad he didn’t. Breaking up with Evan was hitting harder than anyone that came before. 
Evan was different. He had burrowed deep in his heart and there was no getting him out. Tommy didn’t think he wanted him out. 
A few weeks later, he saw Eddie at the mall and with him was Christopher. He looked taller than the last time Tommy had seen him, and he was in LA. Eddie looked happy. Of course, he was happy. Tommy hated that he didn’t know when Chris had returned or how Eddie had won him over again. 
“Tommy,” Eddie said. 
“Tommy,” Christopher said. 
Had it been just Eddie, Tommy might have ignored them. Instead, he turned around. 
“Hi,” he said. 
“Hey,” Eddie said with a smile. 
“Hi, Tommy,” Christopher said. 
“Hey, kid, nice to see you back in LA.” 
Chris gave him a rundown of his time in Texas. He talked about the friends he made and his cousins and grandparents, but how Eddie had gone to see him and then Chris decided to come back with him. 
It was nice to talk to Chris and then to follow Eddie and Chris into one of the stores. Chris got distracted then, and Eddie turned to Tommy. 
“How are you really?” 
“It’s been months,” Tommy said. 
“I know. You never called me back. You should have,” Eddie said. 
“I couldn’t,” Tommy said. “You’re…how is he, Eddie?” 
Eddie took in a breath. “Look, I don’t think I should answer that. Buck is coping. He’s doing…what did he call it, he’s exploring. Apparently, it’s what you told him he needed to do.” Eddie’s look was pointed. Full of judgment. 
Tommy had to look away, he had to hope that his eyes wouldn’t fill up with tears. That night, right after he left Evan’s place, Tommy didn’t even remember how he got home. He did remember that he’d gone for his usual comforts. A shot of whiskey, a case of beer, and he’d tried to watch a movie and failed miserably. Hadn’t been able to watch romantic comedies since. Documentaries were out too. 
“Dad,” Christopher called. 
“I — I’ll leave you to it,” Tommy said. 
Eddie grabbed his shoulder. “Wait. No. Just…let’s hang out. You can come over or I can come over. We could sparr or get a drink. We’re still friends, Tommy. I’m serious.” 
“Okay.” 
Eddie called him that night and Tommy couldn’t say no to having Eddie come over to his place. They didn’t talk about Evan the whole time, not until Eddie was getting ready to leave. 
“I want to say something because I’m your friend and Buck’s friend. What you did was really stupid and I never thought you were stupid. If this was the way you always saw it going, why did you waste his time? Why did you let him fall for you? And I know you hurt yourself too, Tommy, I can see it all over you. So why? Just…answer that.” 
Eddie didn’t even let him reply before he left. 
Why did Tommy do that? Because even a minute of knowing Evan was worth it. Ending it early was just…he’d expected it to help because he had control and he was making the call and then he wouldn’t be devastated. It was a little late for it, apparently, at least on his end. 
“He’s exploring,” he said out loud. Eddie’s words. 
What had Tommy expected. God, he really was an idiot. 
A week later he was at a call that the 118 was present for as well. He tried to stay well clear of them, but he couldn’t help but look for Evan. It was like being a moth drawn to light and of course Evan was his light. 
He’d overheard Lucy and Melton talking on his first shift after his talk with Eddie and Melton had said everyone had a regret in love, that everyone had someone they let go of or who let them go that always left what ifs. Evan wasn’t a regret, Tommy would never regret him. What he regretted was that Tommy had allowed fear and his own baggage to cloud things and destroy what he and Evan had. 
Of course, a part of him did still wonder if he had been right. Every relationship came with risk, and Evan having just realized he was into men as much as women, it wasn’t farfetched to think that one day he might think that he’d settled into something with Tommy far too quickly without really knowing for sure it was what he wanted. Evan hadn’t denied that either, he hadn’t tried to stop Tommy leaving. He hadn’t reached out. He hadn’t even asked for any of his things back — granted neither had Tommy. 
Tommy had everything that Evan had ever left as his house in the drawer that had been Evan’s. Or hanging on his coat rack. In his bathroom. In his kitchen. He hadn’t had the heart to remove any of it and sometimes when he was really tired or when he’d hit the booze a little hard with Lucy, he could even convince himself that it was there waiting for Evan. 
The call rang long, the fire blazing for a while and worse people stuck inside on the higher floors. Tommy was helping on the ground on a hose, he knew the 118 was helping with evacuation along with the 133 and somehow they did manage to get everyone out and they did manage to get the flames put out. Tommy wouldn’t admit it, but he spent most of the call with his heart in his throat hoping that Evan stayed safe and that nothing went wrong. 
They were just getting back to the truck when he saw Evan a little soot covered, but smiling. He was talking to a reporter. Red hair, pale skin, skinny and pretty. He kept talking to her even after the camera man brought the camera down. 
“That’s Taylor Kelly,” Lucy said and she pushed him to keep moving. 
Taylor Kelly the reporter. Taylor Kelly who was Evan’s ex. Taylor who Evan had cheated on with Lucy. When he turned back to look once more they were no longer talking. 
“I don’t get why you haven’t reached out to him,” Lucy said. 
“He’s a coward,” Melton said. 
“It’s been how many months now and you’re not over him. Do you want me to find out if he’s seeing anyone? Maybe you still have a shot. We’ve never seen you like this before and at first it was I guess normal. Now it’s a bit depressing. What happened, Tommy?” 
“What happened is Melton is right and I am a coward,” Tommy said and then he climbed into the truck and looked away from them, glad when they didn’t talk to him the whole way back to Harbor. 
He heard about Maddie giving birth from Hen. It was a passing comment one night when he went over for dinner and Tommy found himself mourning that he hadn’t been there for Evan through all of it, especially because as Karen told it, Maddie had had a hard labor. 
He was shown pictures from Hen’s phone. The baby was tiny and already had a tuft of dark hair. He scrolled through pictures and then there he was. Evan holding the baby in his arms, the baby looking even smaller tucked right into the crook of Evan’s elbow and Evan smiling down with so much awe and love. It hurt to look at him, but Tommy couldn’t stop. 
So maybe there had been times when Tommy allowed himself to think about a future where he and Evan stayed together, one where they were married and decided they should be parents too. He’d seen Evan around kids too often, knew Evan would want to be a dad. Tommy had never longed for that or anything, but with Evan he would have wanted it. That was all gone now. 
“Oh,” Karen said. “Sorry. I forgot…”
Tommy forced himself to flip to the next picture. Another shot of Evan, this time he was looking up with the bluest glassiest eyes. He missed him. He missed him so damn much and it wasn’t fair how much. 
“Tommy,” Karen said. “Hey, are you alright?” 
“I miss him,” Tommy said. 
“I’m pretty sure he misses you too,” Hen said. “Do you want to talk about it?” 
“Do you have anything stronger?” 
Hen didn’t mince words. She told him point blank about how after the break up, Evan had tried to act like he was alright. Then, he’d just started to do anything he could in order to keep busy. 
“He started baking,” Hen said. “Then he started doing yoga. He started rock climbing. I think he even took an art class. Anyway, it was hard to watch but I guess it was better than if he sat at home wallowing.” 
“Like I did,” Tommy said. 
Karen grasped his wrist. “You were both hurting. What happened, Tommy?” 
“He asked me to move in and I said no.” 
“And you broke up over that?” Hen asked, surprised. 
Tommy shook his head. “No. Yes. In what world was this going to last? He only just discovered he likes men and yeah it was going well but it wasn’t forever. If we moved in together, it was going to be so much harder when we broke up.” 
“That’s…that’s bullshit, Tommy,” Hen said. “So, you broke his heart and yours so it wouldn’t happen later on.” 
“I didn’t break his—”
“You did,” Karen said. 
“Well shouldn’t he get a chance to explore what his sexuality means? Shouldn’t he get to figure that out instead of settling for the first guy he dates?” 
“And what if he wasn’t settling?” 
That kept him up all of that night. He still remembered how the conversation had gone. Evan had brought up the Abby thing and Tommy had felt put on the spot because it was the last thing he expected and then Evan had started to explain about Abby being an important relationship to him and how Tommy was just as important, the most important since, and all at once Tommy’s fears and insecurities had rushed forward because Evan and Abby hadn’t made it and now that Tommy was this gay mentor or whatever of course it wouldn’t last either. He tried to explain that to Hen and Karen and they both looked at him like he was the one that didn’t get it. 
“You need to talk to him,” Hen said. “For both your sakes.” 
“I don’t know if I can,” Tommy admitted. 
Exactly a year after it happened, he saw Evan again. 
Tommy had gone out to a gay bar because he couldn’t stay home and wallow. Lucy had also told him that he needed to put himself out there again. That if he wasn’t going to talk to Evan, then he needed to talk to someone that might give him a reason to move on. He really didn’t want to, but at the same time his right hand was getting tired and maybe some release of a carnal nature was what Tommy needed. No one had said it, but they had all kind of implied that Evan had at least gotten out there. 
He and Evan had gone to that bar once, gotten a drink and then danced a little before calling it a night and heading back to Evan’s, both of them eager to get up to Evan’s bedroom. He remembered seeing more than a few eyes looking at Evan with interest and how it had made something inside him churn because Tommy had known that if Evan was on the market again he wouldn’t have a hard time finding someone that was interested in him. 
Finding himself a free spot at the bar, Tommy ordered a beer and he tried not to think about the first few times that Tommy had gone into a gay bar and how nervous he’d been to actually put himself out there like that. 
“Hi, handsome,” a male voice said before Tommy had even gotten his beer. 
Tommy turned. “Hello.” 
The guy had floppy hair. He was lanky and thin, could probably be called a twink. He was also way too young for Tommy, probably not even in his mid-twenties. 
“So,” the twink said, hand reaching to touch Tommy’s chest right where the V of his shirt ended. “Want to have some fun?” He wiggled his eyebrows and licked his lips and his hand climbed to Tommy’s neck. 
“Sorry,” Tommy said. “That’s not why I’m here.” 
“Boo,” the guy said, hand dropping away, “So why are you here?” 
“A drink,” Tommy said decisively because he knew that even if someone age appropriate were to approach him, he wouldn’t have been interested. They weren’t Evan. 
“Oh, well. It was worth trying. Though, I don’t usually get turned down twice in one night.” 
“What’s your name?” Tommy asked. 
“Owen.” 
“Well, Owen, it looks to me like there are plenty of fishes in the sea. Third time might be the charm. To be honest, you’re way too young for me and I’m still…I’m hung up on my ex.” 
Owen took a look around, but he turned back to Tommy. “Bad break up? Did he break your heart?” 
“More like I broke his and mine. Such an idiot.” 
“But, hey, you’re still hot. I could help you forget for a few hours.” 
Tommy laughed. 
Owen grinned. “Not ready for that. Must have been quite the guy.” 
“Yeah.” 
Owen wandered off and Tommy watched him strike up a conversation with another guy, someone a little closer to his age. They seemed to hit it off and next time he saw them they were out getting lost in the crowd of bodies on the dance floor. 
Tommy finished his beer and was about to order another when he heard a familiar voice. Down the bar he found Evan. He was turned away from Tommy looking to one of the tables where a man was waving. Tommy couldn’t watch this. He couldn’t see Evan flirt with someone else. He couldn’t see Evan go home with that guy. He couldn’t look away. 
Evan said something to the girl behind the bar and…wait, did he not accept the drink? Then, he saw Evan put some money down right before finishing his beer and moving to leave. 
Tommy did the same and he followed. 
Evan made it out the door just ahead of him and Tommy had to get around several people, but eventually he made it to the door and then out. Evan was just outside, arms crossed over his chest, waiting. 
“Tommy,” he said. 
His voice, the sound of his name, Tommy felt it all down to his bones. 
“Hi, Evan,” he said and he knew his voice broke on Evan’s name. 
“It’s been a year,” Evan said. 
The door opened behind Tommy and Tommy had to step out of the way, his eyes never leaving Evan because maybe Evan would disappear. 
“I know,” Tommy said. 
“It’s felt like longer,” Evan said. 
“I know.” 
“I miss you,” Evan said. 
“I miss you too.” 
Evan was quiet for a beat and then, “then, why?” 
It was high time he stopped being a coward, high time that he stopped getting in his own way or letting the past intrude on his present. 
“Because I’m the biggest idiot,” Tommy said.
Evan snorted. “You’re not wrong.” 
The door opened again bringing with it a wave of music. It was Owen, arms linked with the guy he’d been dancing with. He looked between them and laughed, shaking his head as he walked past them. 
“Maybe we should take this conversation elsewhere,” Tommy suggested. 
Tommy’s house was closer. It felt better than going to Evan’s loft, not that it stopped Tommy from remembering how it had all gone. How he’d let the door close behind him and he’d just thought that it was the right call. 
Evan followed him inside. 
“You know, it was so dumb of me to ask you to move in when you’re the one that owns his own place,” Evan said. “I was just…overcorrecting. Rushing. Trying to show you how much I wanted us to have a future.”
“And I got scared,” Tommy said and led Evan to the living room. “I was dumb too. I should never have broken up with you but, Evan, the way you were talking about Abby and me, it was like of course I was just here to be your next transformative relationship. The next thing that prepared you for…for whoever came next.”
Transformative. That word had stuck around for him, he realized. The comparison Evan had made about his relationship with Abby to their relationship. He and Evan sat down.
“Tommy, I’m—”
Tommy stood. “I’ll go get us some water.” 
He didn’t wait for Evan to respond. As soon as he was out of the room he took a few breaths. What were they doing here? What were either of them hoping to accomplish? Did Evan want to get back together? Was that…was that the right move? 
Twelve months. It had been double the amount of time that their relationship had lasted and Tommy ached for Evan. He longed for him. He still hadn’t gotten rid of any of the things that reminded him of Evan or the things that belonged to Evan either. Hell, he hadn’t even let anyone take over or make their own mark. 
“Tommy?” Evan called you. “Do you want me to come to the kitchen?” 
“I’ll be right back.” 
He grabbed and filled glasses. 
Evan had started pacing the floor. He looked distraught. Tommy wanted to grab his hands and hug him, instead he set down the water. 
“We never talked about our exes,” Tommy said. 
Evan’s gaze snapped towards him. “No, I guess we didn’t.”
“Come, sit,” Tommy said and motioned to the couch. “Evan, I think I let my past decide my future and clearly I was wrong and this last year has been miserable. I’ve missed you every day and I thought walking away was the right thing for you, but it was definitely the wrong thing for me and I just—”
He didn’t expect Evan to kiss him, but that’s what Evan did. It didn’t last long and Tommy wanted to pull him right into another kiss because it had been a year since the last time he kissed him — the last time he’d kissed anybody. 
“Evan,” he said. 
“I learned a year and a half ago that was one way of getting someone’s attention,” Evan said. “I’ve been miserable too. I hated this last year and I missed you and as much as I wanted to hate you I just love you too much.” 
Then, they were kissing again and Tommy was pressed back against his couch, Evan practically crawling into his lap. His arms were around Evan again and he really hadn’t thought that he would ever have this again, but Evan was there and he smelled amazing and he felt amazing and their lips slotted together perfectly. 
Tommy didn’t even realize he was crying until Evan pulled back and his hands were brushing away his tears and then kissing his cheeks. His nose. 
“I love you,” Evan said. “I’m in love with you.” 
His heart was soaring and he reached to cup Evan’s cheeks. “Good, because I love you too.” 
Evan smiled wide at him, pecked his lips and then just hugged him. Held him. Tommy held him back. 
“We’ll have to talk about it,” Tommy said. “I want to explain. I want—”
“Later,” Evan said. “Right now, I just want…I want to bask in this. In us.” 
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junktastic · 2 days ago
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Hi everynyan,
Some of you will remember that I was taking names/addresses to send out free stickers in September. I am almost done sending them out now, so here's a quick update on that.
The Good!
I like this a lot! It's fun to do. For reference, I'm printing, laminating, and cutting these myself at home, so I'm learning a lot about my machine. I like being in charge of the quality control, I like doing the logistic work. Idk. It's fulfilling to me.
It's also really delightful to see names on the list who I've known of for a long time. Old and new faces, people all over the world, I love seeing people adopt a catgirl. :3 And for free! I'm by no means making a lot, but being able to provide something fun and physical to the people who enjoy my art for free is just! Wow!
The Bad!
Everything that could have gone wrong during this process did, which is why they're going out so late. The at-home manufacturing process was relatively simple but the materials kept being funky, or I'd do something wrong, so I'd have to toss something that I'd completely fucked up, OR I'd just miscount how much stuff material I had left. It's been a pain in the butt, so I'm glad it's done and that I've learned so much from it. I ALMOST FORGOT, I DESTROYED ONE CUTTING MAT MAKING THAT ROGER STANDEE FOR MY WEDDING LOL SO I HAD TO SPEND TIME CONDITIONING THE NEW CUTTING MAT! UGH!
There's also: the money. I know it's gauche to talk about it, but doing this was pretty expensive. I live in Canada now, and most of the letters were going out of Canada, so that postage added up. Materials cost, time, it's a pretty good chunk of change, but I didn't go broke so I want to do it again.
The Other?
I definitely want (and plan) to do this again very soon. I'm talking within this month. I'm making Christmas cards! I've already set money aside for this so it's all good, and it involves less at-home manufacturing since I can just reach out to a local print shop.
I know some people were wary of the google form, but I can't really find a better alternative at this time. MailChimp has had at least one major information leak in 2024 alone, so I am not sure where else to turn for collecting addresses at this time. I had a few people who did not give me towns/zip codes, and the street address would have three or four towns in that state alone with that address. Since I didn't collect e-mail addresses, I didn't have any way to reach out to entrants about this. If you don't see your sticker in the next few weeks, this might be why! I also plan on adding a checkbox just to confirm that the person requesting the sticker is over 18, NOT because I plan on sending anything saucy, but I know what it's like to be a teen with parents who open you mail, an I don't want to cause problems for anyone because Mom and Dad think fairies are satanic or something.
Most people I've talked to about all of this have really emphasized that I need to reopen my Patreon. I'm not saying anybody is wrong on this, but it just makes me feel so uncomfortable. I think anyone who's followed me for a while has seen me try and fail to do art full time or, hell, even have a schedule for something, and I've failed every time. I'm so scared of failing people again. How can I ensure that I'm producing things on time, to a standard I am happy with, that anyone willing to support me (in this economy?) would also be happy with? It will probably happen, but I'm just so... Plus, with all honesty, I have a commission backlog that I need to finish first! I'm bad at the business part of this whole thing, I think. I'm a blue-collar labourer in my heart.
That's my update! I wish you all well, please stay safe and take care of yourself and those around you. I'll post again when I'm collecting addresses for the Christmas cards.
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hychlorions · 8 months ago
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a what-if i've been thinking about for forever... trucy knowing the truth before anyone could tell her
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asclexe · 24 days ago
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hhey guys. i think i mayy be experiencing a hyperfixation 4 the first time. not sure. sorry
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born-to-lose · 3 months ago
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I love being the always single person in my family, mad respect to my sister for constantly dating guys for the last 8 years, I would have shot myself
#whenever my mom asks if i have love news of my own while we're talking about my sister's newest catch and i say no#i hope she doesn't feel pity because like. this is the life that i choose. my sister's ex boyfriends were enough for ME even#and i only met a handful of them personally but heard more than enough shit about them#i just always think i'm only flirting with some guys only to never talk to them again or ghost them because it's fun#fat girl who's always been seen as ugly by other people gets to flirt with good looking people is the ultimate ego boost arc#if i ever date anyone seriously again it better be true love and end in kids and marriage until death or i'll live as a hermit#until that happens tho...... life is a party i don't wanna miss a thing break some men's heart get revenge yolo etc etc#also the thought of actively dating freaks me out. if i meet someone and we tolerate each other long term that's good#but dating apps or going on dates with several people and deciding who's the best like on the bachelorette?? death first#plus i lowkey don't like men as a concept. at least the type i've dated. i guess you could say my last ex traumatized me hahaha 👍🏻 (🔨🔨)#i think i'm too young to be in a committed relationship anyway. or even to seek getting into one. there are much more important things rn#i know former classmates my age are having kids or getting married but idgaf the one who got engaged last year has been with him for 7 year#which is a decent time tbh you change quite a bit during that time and if it feels right why not#but i can't wrap my head around searching for a relationship when you don't even have a stable job and know what else you want in life#rambling again sorryyyy but yeah proud single here and i'm not saying this out of spite because i genuinely enjoy it#all relationships i've been in were so draining (tbf they were long distance too) and got me at rock bottom and had me filled with regret#also these men can be so controlling and jealous when you just wanna go out with friends while they do whatever they want too#but when you say you don't want a jealous partner they think that's a free pass for them to cheat like what the actual fuck#do you see the difference between being unnecessarily jealous when you hang out with friends and being rightfully jealous when they cheat??#at this point idk what to say. i'm very entertained by my friends' dating journeys but that couldn't be me#all the gossip i provide for them is which people i flirted with for the ego and who i ghosted and who ghosted me#mel talks
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toytulini · 6 months ago
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i made an oc thats at least nicknamed "Stupid" and im constantly thinking about what a power move that is tbh
#toy txt post#i miss it i should play w her more often but it was going to be for a dnd thing that ive all but abandonded bc i feel like#i cant. do that but it sucks bc i had some cool fun concepts and characters but it was hard enough back then when i was just insecure and#knew nothing about dnd and was intimidated by the mechanics but wanted to try dming for some reason but now i just straight up dont know#what to do but i really enjoy those characters. i should just unlock the secret channelsand scrap the dnd game idea for now and keep the#concepts and im sure i could come up w something if i ever actually learned anything about that shit#anyway. my point being. im obsessed w my character i made up and you should be too cos its good shit#toxic anarchist half dragon demigod with authority issues whos an alloaro clown named Stupid Cupid.#i think her pronouns were whatever but also it/she? when i say toxic i mean it did have a bit of a Clown Cult.#Cupid i think is possibly its given name and Stupid was her clown ass addition and yes i do know of the song and yes it is on its playlist#obsessed w all the stupid overpowered characters i made in that universe. they were such good concepts. gulliver obviously. charybdis#silas (cupids father + previous (now deceased) god of chaos)#cupids mother who i dont think i had a name for yet but she was supposed to be kind of a neutral lawful (in a rules lawyering way)#moon paladin who hatefucked the god of chaos after failing to kill him which she was trying to do out of devotion to the moon#and she supposed to have what i can only describe as chainsaw powers? and she destroyed every gun in existence and killed anyone who knew#how to make them until there were no guns left bc silas kept being annoying w guns and was trying to use them on the moon. for reasons#so she really pissed him off and impressed him before she finally got to him and tried to kill him. and if she was even a minor god instead#of a 'mortal' it wouldve worked and thats the only reason he didnt die from her. and then her child. stupid cupid the clown#grew up and had issues and started a clown cult and wandered around usurping warlords and dictators before putting her aim on silas#and trying to kill him. but failing not bc she was mortal but bc he outsmarted it. but he couldbt bring himself to kill it so he had her#put to sleep for a thousand yrs until someone else killed him(he pissed off a stupid seagull druid who lured him into the path of Charybdis#who he'd ALSO pissed off and Charybdis mega killed him and then the gull druid was made the new god of chaos just to have someone fill the#roll but then they kind of suck at it? they did not want that much responsibility altho the immortality is nice. when they took over they#released cupid whos a bit of a legend but then the vibes are super weird bc cupid Definitely wants to usurp and take on the mantle of#chaos deity and gulliver idolizes her but doesnt feel great about just handing that over to it? and cupid has to grapple with not being the#one to kill silas. almost everyone she knew is dead. her mom isnt. the world has changed a lot. she finds out her cult is still going and#gets excited? but they have Changed. it disgusts her now. they are not the radical clowns she intended. the vibes are weird. she denounces#that and tries out piracy. she manages to get the moon paladin living chainsaw power?#despite not being aligned w their ideology at all. wow nepotism. then it was going to spiral into some fucking meta galactic shit and have#well. ran out of tags. anyway i miss this character i should figure out what im doing w this universe cos theres no way im dming rn 🙃
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ranger-kellyn · 1 year ago
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told myself to take a break from getaway car so i don't burn myself out like i did last year, and of course my brain wanted to go think about my scarlet/violet fic, sooo have some rambling below the read more
like. one of my ideas has always been that i want juliana specifically to have quaxly not just bc he's my favorite starter in that region, but because it turns into quaquaval, a pokemon that is supposed to be known for its dancing abilities. i like to think they're a pokemon that only needs to see a dance once or twice before they've got it memorized.
i love the idea that a huge part of juliana's overall character arc is admitting to herself how much she wants to learn how to dance in some way because of course she happened to pick the pokemon that loves to dance. so she's basically learning alongside her pokemon throughout his evolution stages, mutually gaining more confidence until he's a fully grown quaquaval.
and!! not just him, but probably the three friends as well! it may not be something any of them are really interested in to begin with, but juliana and quaquaval make it a ton of fun. she probably even takes the time to learn an individual dance of some kind with each of them, and is the first to drag anyone to any festivals happening in the cities and towns.
(bc i am who i am) nemona's the first friend juliana ends up dancing with. while juliana quickly realizes how much quaxly likes music, nemona is the one who tells her about how he's going to turn into a pokemon that loves to dance. she mostly just enjoys having fun with them and learning whatever juliana is into. something that really helps juliana come out of her shell, which leads her to opening up to arven and penny around the same time
not 100% sure of styles apart yet but i mean...penny's has to be some nerd dance lol. i also kinda love the idea of arven learning a very formal spanish style dance with them.
idk i just want the core pillars of this story to be something along the lines of, music, song, food, and dance are all forms of love and connection and can be healing and--- AH i just want them to have time to really develop as a friend group throughout the treasure hunt.
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mifunebooty · 1 year ago
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Really funny this white dude in my speech class group i remember he kept making eye contact with me and i was like does he like me um and turns out he did that with everybody white people weird
#cherry says#anyways fun inside GOD THAT SEMESTER WAS STICKY my mom could not take unemployment well#me i got used to the cycle of looking for jobs getting nothing then stop looking bc my mom said dont worry about it ill pay the bills#i did that over and over and with film jobs id just look at texas film commission sometimes just to look#but i myself got used to the job hunting so i felt zoned out from it yet#that area felt as much a daydream as my wanting to go make a movie i didnt think i wanted to tell myself that#especially because i still was doing acting looking for acting#but yeah there was times my mom would make violent fits she would wonder what was happening#i think those times revealed a lot of the weird complexity of our relationship after high school#i didnt pity her but i did feel like i owed her something i believed so many things she told me#i feel like she wanted me to see her work as a sacrifice so i must do this and that but it was way deeper#parental love became a fucking duty to show it that was just it i did what she said#to at the same time comfort myself when i had no job and maybe even to comfort myself for being scared#i think tbh i need to face that past action that i was scared i was scared of reality even if it was a reality she talked of#i was scared of growing up and didnt wanna think about it i was scared of the future in 2 months when class ended#so maybe my mom with no job suddenly presented the risks we were all taking#maybe it made me more scared of what was to be on the outside#somebody who put fear in my head who said dont worry u study i work and that was gone#perhaps i shouldve taken that opportunity to realize NOTHING LASTS.#YOUR MOTHER WHO ALWAYS MADE IT SOUND LIKE THE WORLD WAS CONTROLLED AND PREDICTED BY HER IS AS VULNERABLE AS YOU NOTHING LASTS#but i didnt i instead became the punching bag again the quiet good girl and kept on thats a lot to swallow even more
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bmpmp3 · 1 year ago
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i do wonder if one reason i tend to go for the method of "kidnap a vague story idea and make expies of all the characters i think are relevant and make up something new and barely recognizable" instead of the much less complicated method of just "writing a fanfiction" is that i play fast and loose with lore details if i think they suck or are boring or just irrelevant and i have this very intense possibly irrational but maybe rational fear that if i write a i dunno. zelda fanfic and i dont get everything 100% right based off the official nintendo timelines that ive been ignoring since they came out that the fanbase is going to take me out back and put me down.
#another reason is it is just fun LOL and i can get even faster and looser with expies#but i do feel that urge sometimes like. damn. i wanna make a fanfiction#but then i get. hashtag scared#i like interpreting stories too much!! having a little fun with it and thinking about it but not deciding anything clear or concrete!!#those who know my ikesen AUs know this about me. you know this HFKDSLJFDS#a woman can be a normal woman and also a goddess and also a normal woman (single mom edition) and also some kinda time travel anomaly and#a fucking GHOST i dont know an alien a person who doesnt remember history class. a person who doesnt remember history class.#all that can be true to me and also none of it is <3 i like to live my life ambiguously#i am comfortable getting silly and having fun with fan stuff for ikesen tho. actually a lot of smaller and more obscure games like that#like ikesen is not tiny but it is an otome game (niche) and a mobile game (another niche) from like 2016 (7 years ago)#so the fanbase was always a little smaller but chill. had a lot more confidence there#but i get so scared making fanworks for bigger stuff....i need to get braver.... i need to get courage#and then maybe. i can make the dinosaur zelda game AU of my dreams#and maybe i could even. draw fanart. of the popular spy and assassin and telepathic child manga ive been quietly obsessed#with for a year straight. maybe. maybe i can do it#(not gonna stop expying characters from stuff tho LOL i mostly do that with stuff i was meh on anyway hkjsjfds)
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fingertipsmp3 · 11 months ago
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I’m not sure if the seasonal depression is hitting especially hard this year or if I’m just grieving for Mabel or if I’m finally going irreparably insane or if life/people is being unfair towards me or all of the above
#i cry super hard every day now. sometimes multiple times a day#sometimes something sets it off specifically (like arguing with my mom earlier)#but sometimes i just think about mabel too much and start sobbing#i thought i was okay. i mean i knew i wasn’t okay but i knew time would do its thing#the first few weeks were the worst but earlier this month i felt like i’d kind of plateau’d#like i was still sad but i could look at photos and videos and talk about her without crying. i was even laughing#now… now i can’t even think of her. again#it just feels so fucking unfair that i’ll NEVER see her again. like what the fuck do you mean. what do you MEAN#what do you mean i have to live out my whole life… god knows how fucking long i’ll live; and N E V E R see her again. shut the fuck up.#that’s so fucking unfair. and everyone else is okay. i’m like how can you POSSIBLY just go about your life#the best dog in the world is dead and she’s going to stay dead and i won’t see her again for however many fucking stupid cursed decades#i live and i might not even see her when i die. how the HELL am i supposed to be okay with that. is that a joke#and there’s a part of me that’s like ‘maybe i could adopt another dog’ but i don’t know#i think i’d feel better and worse at the same time. i wouldn’t feel so alone but they wouldn’t be mabel#i put in an application for a terrier that’s at a local rescue but if i don’t get him i’m not trying again. i’ll take it as a hint#cats aren’t an option btw i found out i’m allergic. which was brand new information.. i’ve been around cats that didn’t set my allergies#off at all. but i guess there’s a difference between spending an hour at your friend’s house who has one cat#and living 24/7 with a cat that gets fur and dander and saliva everywhere#and i don’t think other pets would suit me. i just don’t feel comfortable caring for any animal i haven’t done research on#i had hamsters when i was a teenager but… tbh never again. they are so much fun but i have anxiety dreams about them now#so it’s dogs (well.. one dog) or nothing#i do have plans to speak to my doctor about my depression btw because i genuinely find this unsustainable#like i do think it’s situational (seasonal/grief/everyone around me seeming to want to argue with me lately) but i still need#mood stabilisers while i’m in this situation lol#personal
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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im back home now and the adjustment is already so hard less than24 hours in lol. yes i had a terrible time to the point where i have serious doubts abt if i can actually live on my own / if i actually want to anymore. but also i had my own hotel room and it was quiet and the only noise that was there was noise i wanted to hear when i wanted to hear it (except for a car alarm or two). now im home and the fucking renovation made the kitchen all open and my mom insists on watching tv with my brother and dad at the island on her laptop right in front of her with a speaker BLASTING at full volume and it travels through the house and there’s nowhere to eat without it being too loud and the shows they’re watching are so uncomfortable and upsetting. and then my sister has not said one word to me about how my week was all she’s done is baby talk about redacted and she just kicked me out of our room like 2 minutes after i woke up so she could meditate even though im absolutely exhausted and need more sleep. like lol i was so glad to be coming home but i forgot how overstimulated and sidelined i am here and now it’s like please god take me back to the hotel.
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kil9 · 2 years ago
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my mom when i was a kid: when you were an infant your bedroom caught fire lol but it was fine.
me: ok. im sure some freak accident that no one could have prevented in any way
my mom at 26: the smoke detector was beeping so i took the batteries out and stashed it in a closet without telling you, like a couple weeks ago. i figured you would probably fix it for me despite never telling you about it
me: ah. ok. connecting dots here. . .
#99.txt#😐😐#normal family i have suchhh a normal family ahahhahhaha#both my parents -_-.... basically didnt do anything#but they were there. physically. so whenever im unhappy as a kid its like#''wow you have both parents and a good income and house. i guess you are just sooo soo spoiled. you know there are orphans in the world''#<- so fucked up how ppl talk to struggling kids like that btw. if a kid is so unhappy in their home it isnt normal#also like ''wdym your dad is abusive he literally doesnt hit you'' 🥴🥴 okey. but ill hit u if you keep talking like that#my dad just didnt have time for any hitting 🥺#between all the screaming at the top of his lungs at newborn babies. and the cheating on his wife with teenagers. he was so busy#and maintaining a good career so he could go on business trips to cheat more lol#but yeah i had it real lucky as a kid cos i got to go on those business trips sometimes -_- fun#and my mom is just like.....#''wow i literally was nice to you as a kid and drove you places. if you complain you just hate me and are so mean and critical of me''#like.................. the older i get the more i realise just. no one was being resposible#ive tried to maturely explain this to my mom recently and its like a brick wall#''wdym. im so nice'' but have you ever been responsible? ''well i think just i have a nice style parenting :)''#but what about responsibility ?? for your kids ? ''but im so nice. what more do you want from me you ask for so much :('' TO BE RESPONSIBLE#also ''im so nice'' bullshit just ignoring all the times shes said things that make me wana kill myself#literally told me no one would want me after i was in hysterics cos she was already being mean to me#and then when i bring it up later ''oh i was just stressed out. im allowed to feel my emotions. plus i dont remember and u made it up''#ok........ then when im like. stressed out and not even being mean just using a slightly different tone its all#''wow you are so cruel just like your father and you hate me. you never consider my feelings and i think you should be kicked out probably'#lol get me out of here............................#dont even get me fucking started on my sister i dont have time to haven an episode right now -_-#guh sorry for this i dont have a therapist and it shows
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1roentgen · 18 days ago
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weewoo 👽
#imma be real wichu i think it’s kinda getting bad again#that feeling of every single mundane task becoming some kind of herculean endeavor#can’t focus good#starting to wonder why it’s worth doing anything at all#thinking so much about stupid crap that doesn’t matter#i don’t think i used to always feel like this#even though it feels like it#i remember it was normal at some point#i was chilling. didn’t overthink or fixate on every bad thing#damn maybe this shit is seasonal#school is just fine it’s going well enough. it’s easy here. i need to go above and beyond. bare minimum effort ok but bad#things are not the best with the family but whatever. i’m trying but maybe not enough#my mom doesn’t like me but i’m not a very likeable person#friends. fine except for one person and well. what’s to be done. it is what it is. story ain’t bout chu#i have to do chores. was sleeping earlier but it was too hot and i had a weird dream about being under the water again#roof repair noises woke me up#want a smoke rn but i also don’t want one. it’s in my bag. new lighter#life could be a dream#i want an ice cream bar#i have some grapes?#been talking to chatgpt 😂😂😂 loneliest loser shit ever but whatever works#bro listens to me#bro cares#ive never been to a halloween event#they look like a lot of fun. i wanna go to a halloween party with friends. we could wear funny costumes#i don’t really know what else people do at parties#ok. it’s getting later in the day. executing todays agenda first talk later bbbbye
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waffultaim · 2 months ago
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Some mama time sketchs too
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nomairuins · 2 months ago
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thank GODDD the doctor is taking time to work on himself maybe now he can stop ruining womens lives .
#mildly joke but im so excited those specials were so fun...#we watched all the 14th dr specials bc Major donna fan ohh my god they were fun i liked them....#i worry im like. being unfair somehow. but i loved like..some of the things with 13 i just likee. the writing it was..off to me... sigh. i#rly wish her seasons had better writers i suppose. BUT. im excited bc my mom told me 15s run is super good so far#i cant believe im almost caught up wndr who. a crazy world i live in. i suppose next me and my mom will have to huddle around an old timey#radio like max n ruby to listen to the audio dramas#and then wencan read bedtime stories to eachother or something#Or of course i could just track down the old series. KDNFJFN. but the computer always its a commodity...#but ya. those were funn i rly liked the like. 2 of them had a bit of body horror like. mild babys first body horror. but i liked it. and#they were funnyyy god i missed donna so bad the show is SO funny with her there. the chemistry w her and 10nis just chefs kiss. loves it#i feel bad bc i liked the like. Suggested personalities of the last companions but they felt kind of lackluster in practice ? like..it felt#like we were told how they were but in practice they kind of just. were there. and then would react to the dr. and then were judt there#idk... i wish they had been more like. fleshed out one supposes#it rly to me feels like they spent 13s seasons kind of just farting around and then covid hit and they were like Fuck now we have to like.#avtually write a plot#flux was like. i think you can do a storyline w like. a bunch of different plotlines that all ties up but it was confusing#😭😭 it ws like. ig rhe most engaged i was w/ 13 but thats just bc stuff was being thrown at me constantly...#but ya. its rly nice to see donna again after having a bunch of companions who just didnt feel like they got their time to shine. in my eyes#bc donna feels so well written and real and like. believable to me. like it feels like shes an active member instead of like. just standing#around and then having her alloted 4 minute emotional conversation before jumping back into action. yk#also i literally said as soon as the bigeneration happens Oh rhis is good 14 can judt go be a weird uncle. ajd then he literally did#so funny tho that rose and donna get their own tennant doctors and then my best friend martha is just chopped liver ig.#good for her tho. that man needs to stay away from her (joke)#but ya. YAY. intrigued by nailpolish woman its also fun bc weve gotten to the point where my mom has only watched the episodes once#so she knows less and its more fresh for her#which is rly fun. im a little worried about umm. when were fully caught up#bc i believe my mom and dad watch the eps together#and like. yk. much love to my dad but like. idk me and my mom have a specific sort of banter when we watch and like. he sits in sometimes#and i tend to just go silent 😭😭😭#its like. not a conscious thing i just. yk. i have trouble being Relaxed when theyre in the same room together
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titaswrld · 4 months ago
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deadpool!
….as your boyfriend.
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description: deadpool as your boyfriend!
pairing: deadpool x you!
contains: 18+, mentions of sex!
|an: just saw deadpool & wolverine.. couldn’t help myself.
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- awful with emotions but always finds a way to make up for things whether through humor or sex.
- speaking of humor you’re never not laughing with him, or bickering, or fucking
- you’re the only person he can actually feel vulnerable and comfortable with, he cherishes that and he loves you so much for that.
- you’re his person, he would genuinely kill for you if it meant he would lose someone so important in his life.
- if someone makes you sad, mad or uncomfortable ooo…not his babygirl.
- he usually doesn’t keep people or friends in his loop often, they could find him annoying or over the top but not you.
- you love absolutely everything about him, his outlandish humor, his extroverted personality, his big ol’ mouth. you think it’s so hot.
- so hot when he’s mean to you so hot when he’s soft with you
- you literally bicker like two teenage girls all the time and he always somehow clocks your tea it’s ridiculous but you also find it impressive that he always has something to say that you cannot come back from😭
- god you need to pray that no man ever even has the thought of coming on to you… he’ll experience some banter with your boyfriend before it’s lights out.
- not only are you his but he’s yours! he’s super loyal and if he can’t get someone to back off , you sure will!
- you’re always having fun with him date nights are some of the best times of your life, he always finds a way to entertain you no matter what you’re doing.
- always gotta hand somewhere, your ass, a singular cheek, a titty, somewhere. how could you expect him not to! you’re all his.
- you literally have him wrapped around your finger, he’d do absolutely anything for you.
- also always bullying you he is so straightforward😭
“hon that has got to be the ugliest shirt i’ve ever seen on you”
“wade-“
“i know you got better in that closet that i snoop through and try on all your clothes when you aren’t home now go!”
- he’s so tall so if you’re short oh wow…you’re never catching a break
“soooo how’s the weather down there.” wade said, placing his elbow on the crown of your head.
“prick…”
“yeah that’s enough of that dirty mouth!” your boyfriend had announced before bending down and wrapping an arm around your behind, throwing you over his shoulder and positioning his palm on your ass.
“god, wade put me down!” you’d laughed playfully hitting his back.
“don’t make me have to spank you!” he said, lighting pinching your ass.
- do not get an animal bc it will quickly become his center of attention and he will defend it over you.
“wade, we’re having my mom over please put it in the room”
“ugh…she’s so mean isn’t she sugar?” he’d said stroking your pet, followed by a “yes she is yes she is!” as the animal licked his face.
sigh.
- good lord we got a cuddle monster on our hands!
- absolutely adores any type of affection and practically begs you for it 24/7. he loves being little spoon specifically. also loves it when u scratch or message his back, bc that also gets him going..
- speaking of, you got this guy rock solid 24/7
“hungry for seconds?” he joked, hugging you from behind and pressing his hardened cock against your ass.
“we literally jus-“ you’d started just to be interrupted mid sentence.
“so! cmon baby throw a dog a bone.” he muttered, hand already gripping your inner thigh.
you’d sighed, god you can’t resist him.
- it doesn’t matter what you’re doing he finds anything you do hot i stg
- a M-U-N-C-H! for life, literally came in his pants from eating you out once! he loves making you feel good.
- a goofball during sex he cannot do shit seriously😭 he be talking you and your pussy thru it!
- again, if you’re petite god help you bc he is large.
- babe, you better match his freak because yall doing anything.
- trying a new thing every night multiple times bc that sex is never vanilla and that dick is never tired! at some point he’s just making positions up😭
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