#I Count Soos and Wendy

[stupidvillainousposts]

ItsaGleefulLife: So, Stanley, how does it feel having five kids?

Stan: Five kids?

Fidds: Stanley, I love ya, but even I think one baby is enough.

TryMeBitch: Wow, okay. I guess you don't love me and Soos anymore. 😑

Stan: Wha- You two aren't my kids! You're employees!

Future_of_the_Past: Ooh, someone's in denial!

Stan: Stay outta this, Mabel!

Soos_the_Goose: Mr. Pines, you're like a father figure to me. I couldn't think of anyone better to call family.

Totally_Richer_Than_You: Seriously? No one?

Panik_in_the_Attik: no one at all?

TryMeBitch: Stan is a great dad! Ask his daughter!

The Piglet: *Snorts and Squeals*

Stan: You can read???

Fidds: Stanley, she's just makin' noise.

Stanford: Stanley, it is my professional opinion that you should get some rest.

Stan: You're not a doctor!

Stanford: I COULD HAVE BEEN!

TryMeBitch: Oooooh! The girls are fighting!

Fidds: Wendy, sweetheart, please don't encourage them.

[non-plutonian-druid]

[ID: Fanart of darklordofawesomeness's Cat Stan AU.

The first drawing is labelled 'Chapter 58 - Cat Mania' and has a lineup of Stan, Mabel, Wendy, Dipper, and Soos as cats. Stan is fluffy and dark brown with white markings. Mabel and Dipper are nearly-identical brown kittens, with white markings on their face. Wendy is a fluffy mostly-red calico, and is in the leggy stage of being a kitten. Soos is a fat light brown tabby, with a short tail.

In the next image: cat Stan carries kitten Mabel by the scruff of her neck while kitten Dipper marches behind them; Stan as a human holds up a pissed off kitten Wendy; Ford lies on his stomach holding a camera and kicking his feet; cat Soos lies on his back.

In the third image: cat Stan gives kitten Dipper a cat bath while Soos lies behind them and Mabel crawls all on Stan's back; in the same pose, Stan looks up but holds down Dipper while he tries to escape, and Mabel sits on Stan's head, posing cutely.

In the fourth, cat Stan brings kitten Mabel and Dipper over to Ford, who is lying in bed looking tired. He pets Stan and says " Am I supposed to be giving you more cat socialization? Shit." In the second drawing, Ford, now a cat, stands over cat Stan. Stan says "What the fuck" and Ford says "I had an idea." Then Ford bites Stan's ear.

In the last two images, cat Stan leaps off of Ford's back; and kitten Wendy bites Manly Dan's hand. End ID]

More cats from @dark-lord-of-awesomeness's Cat Stan series! This time from Chapter 58 of Cat Stan Shorts, in which the kids and Soos accidentally turn themselves into cats and, as with all things, it's entirely Ford's fault

[skencil-mcmooney]

One more look into the ReverseFalls Mystery Shack crew before I add in Grunkles and then move onto Gideon and Pacifica!

And some thoughts on the gang:

Wendy is the Mystery Shack’s devoted Handyman! She gets her hands dirty no problem, and keeps that Soos geekiness, just with more Outdoorsy topics. She prefers working outside, and Stan, liking his floors clean, prefers her out there too. She suggested he “Invest in a doormat.” What is he? Made of money??

Soos spends most of his time reading comics (and manga-) around the register, asking him to do anything usually ends up with Wendy taking it after little convincing.. He’s an expert in niche media topics and being an overall chill dude the Pines find themselves getting into trouble with. As a responsible adult, he makes sure the kids brains are rotting with only the finest arcade games. As god intended.

Mabel takes care of all the doves used in her and Dipper’s shows, no one is sure when the Quail showed up, but the little diva added a drama to the coop that ruffled feathers.. And Mabel is invested.

Dipper holds onto Journal 2, annotated back to front with a scary neatness for a 12 year old. He likes the attention and fans their summer shows bring in, but he can’t help but feel he and his sister are getting too old for their cute twin shtick.

[sharksfrommars]

here is some rubbish I wrote out cus it made me laugh.

I was thinking about how Alex Hirsch once tweeted smth about how Stan would be swayed by 2016 Trump for a bit before learning he’s racist and bringing the brass knuckles out.

I’ve decided that Stan and Dipper go steal that golden toilet Trump apparently has.

also sorry if it’s inaccurate I’m British.

The golden shitter.

The year was 2016, and the craziest election of dipper’s life was fast approaching. He legally couldn’t vote yet, but that didn’t mean he would be fighting for a blue win! He had a whole plan to get all of gravity falls voting this summer. He really did not want Donald Trump to be president, because that would be really stupid.

Most of the town were great! They welcomed dipper’s impassioned speeches about democracy and the future of American politics and all readily agreed to vote. Even Ford, who had spent 30 years in a portal, agreed to vote.

The problem was Stan.

“Grunkle Stan! What do you mean, you ‘don’t vote’? It’s your democratic right!” Dipper cried. Stan laughed and took a sip from his Pit Cola.

“Look kid, democracy is a scam. I haven’t voted once in my life, and look, I’m doing great!��

“Urhggg Stan!” Dipper said, “we NEED your vote to keep Trump out of the office!”

Stan looked at dipper. “Trump as in Donald trump? The guy from the Apprentice?”

“YES” dipper sighed. “He’s running for president and we HAVE to stop him!”

Stan laughed. “No way, I love that guy! You hear he’s got a golden toilet? What I wouldn’t do to have one of my own…”

“Please grunkle Stan, he’s a total grifter!” Dipper begged.

“I like the sound of that! Maybe I will vote for him!” Said Stan. Dipper looked like he wanted to bash his head against the wall.

“You can’t be serious!” Exclaimed dipper.

“Ain’t he gonna get rid of taxes or something? That’s a great policy, cus I hate taxes.” Said Stan.

“Grunkle Stan, you don’t even pay your taxes. What difference does it make?” Retorted dipper.

“MAYBE it’ll get the IRS off my back.”

“Somehow, I doubt that.” Dipper sighed. “Please don’t vote for him, it’s against your material interests”

“Hang on,” said Stan, “I thought you WANTED me to vote! Ya said it was my ‘demographic right’ or something”

“Yeah, but don’t vote for HIM!” Dipper cried.

“ it’s MY vote, I can do what I want with it”

Dipper clawed his face in frustration. At that moment, Soos walked in, and dipper’s face lit up.

“Soos! My guy! Are you registered to vote?” He said.

“Oh, yeah dude, like totally ready for election day.” Said Soos.

“Don’t bother with him, Soos,” said Stan, “he’s gonna try convince you to vote blue”

Soos chucked. “No worries, dawg,” he said, putting a hand in dippers shoulder, “I always vote blue”

“You do?” Said Stan and Dipper, in unison.

“Why?” Asked Stan.

“Dude, it’s cus like, I don’t want Abuelita to get deported bro.” said Soos. “If she had to go back to Mexico, I’d have to go with her.”

Stan looked confused. “What does Trump as President have to do with ya grandma Gettin’ deported?”

Soos and dipper both stared at him. They explained to Stan that trump’s policies were ‘like kinda racist, dawg’, and that he talked a lot about sending immigrants ‘back to where they came from’.

“WHAT” yelled Stan. “He said WHAT? Who could have seen this coming! The billionaire grifter, being a racist piece of SHIT?? He coulda been a hero!”

Stab slumped back into his seat. “He doesn’t DESERVE his golden Shitter”

Dipper sighed. “I don’t know what you expected, grunkle Stan. Most billionaires are super terrible people.”

Stan stood up, and grabbed Soos by the shoulders. “Listen, Soos” he started, “no matter what, you and Abuelita are staying in gravity falls. If ya need fake birth certificates or something, I know a guy.”

Soos looked at Stan, with a tear in his eye, and gave him a massive bear hug. “You’re the best, Mr Pines.”

That’s when Stan had an Idea. He pulled the boys into a huddle.

“Dipper, Soos. I have a great plan. Bring Wendy, cus we’re going to New York!” 

Soos cheered, and so did dipper, until he stopped to say “wait, but that’s on the other side of the country.”

Ford was sitting at the dining table with Mabel, when he saw Dipper and Stan running out of the house with backpacks.

“Stanley? What are you and dipper doing?”

Stan and dipper stopped, like deer in headlights. Stan yelled “NON-SPECIFIC EXCUSE!”, picked up Dipper, and ran into Soos’ truck.

Ford looked at Mabel. “Should we stop them?” He asked. She shrugged.

“It’s nice to see them bonding.” Mabel answered. “They’ll be fine. Probably.”

[spleenthecat]

ok ive been thinking about valentin a lot lately so im just going to infodump what i have right now.

first i should say. i dont plan on giving the guy trauma. i know its a whole thing with ocs and that they always have trauma, but i really dont want to do that with valentin. and i have a reason for this. the whole reason i want stan to have a boyfriend like this in the first place is because he deserves to have some kind of stable figure in his life. someone who can comfort him and be understanding of him without their own issues also weighing down on them. valentin is in a place where he is able to be that kind of person for stan. and thats because hes mentally stable enough to do that. okay now for the actually entertaining stuff. valentin is a very gentle and nice guy despite how big and scary he is (and the fact he kills people..) and is friendly with pretty much everyone in town like stan is.

hes very big into parkour and stuff. before he moved to gravity falls it was more urban parkour, scaling buildings and such, and afterwards he got really interested in exploring the forest and climbing the trees. he sees it like a giant playground. its very fun.

him being into parkour is actually what led to him becoming a hitman. i couldn't for the life of me tell you how exactly he ended up with that job, but it made a decent living and he didn't mind it much. but whatever

he has a few piercings. he has pierced ears (which was in the concept art) and ive decided he can also have snakebites and a nose piercing too, why the hell not. he probably has a few tattoos too, but i havent put enough thought into those yet.

speaking of snakebites. he loves snakes. i think everyone deserves a favorite animal and his is snakes. stan is inexplicably terrified of snakes so whenever theres one in the shack or on the porch then valentin is the one to take care of it.

also. remember how i said "dont ask this guy where he was in the mid 80's" on the concept art? well since youre here i might as well give some clarification to that. there were like. "parties" for bears in the 80's in california. he was over there. for completely unrelated reasons. dont worry about it. dipper was one thousand percent convinced valentin was a werewolf when him and mabel first got to the shack. sure, he was really nice to them, but what if it was all a ploy so he could eat them or whatever werewolves do?? plus, he was always running off into the forest to "work out". it was suspicious.. and then he realized valentin was just really active and liked nature. boring.

mabel loovves doing valentin's hair. its so long, the possibilities are endless!! lots of times he ends up just being a model for her, doing different hairstyles or wearing different accessories. its very sweet and wholesome and cool.

soos basically has two dads now. valentin is always there to teach him stuff and give advice. compared to stan he's the voice of reason most of the time. they're very close.

dont think i forgot about wendy! he's close with wendy too! she taught him how to use axes to climb trees more efficiently and other methods of navigating the forest. he taught her how to fire guns. it's great.

and now the best for last. stan.

valentin met stan after moving to gravity falls in order to be more secluded and less likely to be hunted down by cops. this was about 7 years after stan got there, so he was already pretty settled in. they met in greasy's diner and talked for a while, hitting it off. they kept meeting there for lunch and sometimes breakfast, and after a while they grew closer and hung out more often. blah blah blah they start dating its all great. cool!

fun fact. they're unofficially married. they can't legally get married since it was like. the 90's when they started dating and even then the timeline goes up until 2012 where same sex marriage still wasn't legal. but they said "hey even if we can't sign the paperwork (which would be a headache anyways) we can still wear matching rings and live together and basically be husbands but socially instead of legally." and so they're. basically married.

i said in the concept art that valentin is kinda housewife like? yeah. he takes care of the house and stuff while stan goes out and works, and really just. likes baking. it seems out of place considering everything else but he just likes it.

when stan finishes his work day, its immediately to valentin for emotional support and cuddles. theres nothing more relaxing than just sitting back and letting val hold him close. maybe talk about how their days went. domestic bliss and all that.

shockingly valentin is very bad at flirting. but not in the way you're probably thinking. stan will say something like "damn baby youre body is soo beautiful. all of that working out is really paying off huh." and then valentin will reply like "well i think your eyes are pretty and your silver hair brings out the way they shine when you're happy" like how the hell is stan supposed to reply to that. valentin is so stupid /aff

also stan gets flustered very easily around him. no matter how badass you think he looks with his brass knuckles ready to fight, he looks like a pathetic wet cat next to valentin.

ive also had a lot of thoughts about him and ford interacting, but im gonna put that in another post because this alone is already over 900 words and thats too much. so uh. yeahh. hope you like him.

[spicy-apple-pie]

Get ready for another episode of…

Spicy Smashing Two Pieces of Media Together in a Crossover!!

Today we have…

Batman and Gravity Falls!!

Okay, so picture this.

The Pine Twins are on a school field trip to Gotham/Wayne Enterprises. Dipper, wanting to fill out his own journal at this point, convinces Mabel to seek away.

“What? You want to hunt down Batman?” Mabel asks.

“Not Batman. Manbats.” Dipper holds up a rough sketch of a bat human hybrid. “There’s been rumours about them. People mistaking them for the actual Batman only to get their face scratched off.” Dipper closes the journal. “Too bad we would only be able to talk to some locals. Obviously they only come out at night, but we’re already in so much trouble for bringing home Waddles.”

“Yeah, it’s too bad.” Mabel mopes. “I wish I could stay to lay my eyes open Nightwing’s Spandexed butt.”

Dipper pats her back sympathetically, “Hey, maybe we’ll get to see Signal’s spandexed butt.”

Mabel then rambles how Signal’s butt falls on her scale of vigilante butts. Pretty high up there tbh.

And then for plot reasons they stay out too late and not only see a Manbat, but also the Batman.

While Batman is figuring out a way to get them home safe, they over hear another investigation going on. Something with dimensions, portals, but most importantly triangles.

They struggle to convince the bats that they need the twin’s help. Until they mention Gravity Falls.

Gravity Falls was an anomaly to the Justice League. They’re aware something catastrophic happened but unsure what or why it went away. They have practically nothing to go off too. Townsfolk are committed to not acknowledging anything happened.

After seeing proof that the twins were there at the time of the incident, Batman decides to let them help.

“Well, uh, it’s hard to explain. My Great Uncle Ford knows the most about it, but he’s a little hard to reach right now…” Dipper fidgets, suddenly aware that BATMAN AND CO are counting on him for info.

“What about that thing that he gave us!” Mabel exclaimed. “The cellphone thing!”

“The cellphone thing?” Robin asks, skeptical of their whole story.

“It’s like this super phone that can reach our Grunkles in the arctic.” Mabel explained, searching her brother’s pocket’s

“But he said that we should only use it in case of an emergency.” Dipper swats Mabel’s hands away.

“Dipper. Bill Cipher is potentially back. How is this not an emergency!?”

Yeah, anyway I think it would be cute. Also Soos and Wendy are there. Soos because he’s sworn to always help and protect the Pines and he takes it very seriously. And Wendy because she doesn’t want to miss out on the action.

[the-sin-hole]

fuckin' brat

stanxreader, 5.9k words NSFW 18+ it's smut time again baby!!!

fem!reader, vaginal fingering, PIV sex, handcuffs, spanking + choking, multiple orgasms, general brat taming activities, this was supposed to be 2.5k words lord help meeeeeee

+++

A poor night’s sleep. Five tour buses at once. Some kid spilling a giant milkshake in the showroom. One tourist hitting on you. Several other tourists giving you multiple kinds of shit. Another kid spilling an entire half-gallon of lemonade in the gift shop. The twins accidentally breaking the Sascrotch during an impromptu game of “Throw The Dodgeball As Hard As Humanly Possible”. These things are all bearing down on you as the day ends. You’ve never been so happy to watch Stan flip the Open sign to Closed. You were starting to snap at customers in the final hour, something far outside your norm, and you could practically hear Stan’s teeth grinding as the last tourist left the shop.

You’re in his office now, counting out the tills as fast as possible while he nails the underpants back on the Sascrotch. He doesn’t normally let you do this, but today’s an exception considering all the extra closing tasks you’ll have to knock out before he’ll let you call it a day. As you count you hear Mabel, Dipper, Soos, and Wendy all rush out of the gift shop, followed by Stan calling after them, frustrated, asking what’s so important they have to skip out on work. Mabel rambles an answer on her way out and you can hear Stan’s aggravated grunt as the door slams. You sigh. It’s going to take even longer to clean up just the two of you. You neatly organize the tills, tuck the carefully counted profits into a large envelope and slide it into a drawer on your right. You stack the two tills and heave yourself out of his chair, mentally crafting a plan to blow through all the cleaning tasks as quickly as possible. You only make it a couple feet in front of his desk before it all comes crashing down.

When you collide with him it sends it all flying, including the two of you, bouncing against each other and falling back on your asses amongst scattered change and bills.

If you were both being honest, you’re both at fault. You were still looking down at the tills as you walked to the door, and he was focused on straightening a handful of dollar bills from the tip jar as he entered. But neither of you are in the headspace to give grace right now.

“You have GOT to be kidding me,” you exclaim angrily, not specifically at him, but rather to the powers that be.

“It’s not my fault you don’t watch where you’re goin’!” Stan immediately retorts, assuming your exclamation was pointed, and you can feel your irritation bubbling.

“Watch where I’m going? You’ve got eyes too, buddy. Unless those cataracts of yours are as bad as you try to convince the cops they are.”

“Yeah, they’re bad alright, and the only thing worse is your situational awareness.”

“Oh my god,” you groan, standing slowly as he does too. “Just say you’re sorry and we can move on!”

“I should say I’m sorry? Sorry but that ain’t gonna happen when this isn’t my fault. And it also wouldn’t happen even if it was.” He adopts an aggressive stance, one that you match by balling your fists.

“There you go, acting like I’m some sort of prissy bitch, when all I ever do is call you out on your shit!”

“I ain’t acting nothing! You’ve got an attitude, princess.”

Anger flares.

“I told you not to call me that! And I don’t have a fucking attitude! I just don’t bow down to everything you say!”

He steps forward.

“Yeah, and things would be a lot easier around here if you did.”

You stand your ground.

“You’re just a stubborn old man, and you can’t handle a stubborn woman? Embarrassing.”

He steps forward again. He’s only couple feet away now, trying to loom over you.

“The only thing embarrassing here is you throwing a fit!”

More anger flares.

“You started this shit! You know what your problem is? You can’t handle any pushback! As soon as anyone questions you—” you jab a finger into his chest to emphasize your point, tilt your face up to him, and hit him with your best glare, “—you just—”

He grabs your left wrist, yanking your hand away from his chest, cutting you off.

“You know your problem? I know the real reason you’re such a brat. You’re under sexed!”

You blink.

“Excuse me?!”

“You heard me! I ain’t stupid, sweetheart” —the term of endearment, however sarcastically said, sends something through you— “I see the way you look at some of the tourists that run through here.” He unconsciously squeezes your wrist. “I see the way you look at me.”

A shock runs through your spine.

Fuck. You’ve been that obvious?

“Sorry for stealing a glance every now and then, boss. You’re a gross old man, you should be familiar with the practice,” you say with as flippant an expression as you can muster, though you can’t stop the slight heat creeping up your neck.

His eyes dip down to your body quickly before jumping back up to your eyes. He hasn’t let go of your wrist. You’re starting to feel something too close to arousal for your liking… You have to get out of here before you do something extreme.

“That’s it. I quit.” You try to wrench your wrist away but he doesn’t let you. A pulse of warmth throbs within you at his strong grip, and you curse the heat you can feel now rising to your cheeks.

“You don’t get to quit. Cus I’m firing you. In thirty minutes.” His face is serious, but something in his voice sounds… eager?

“Seriously? Thirty more minutes? You that desperate for my help?”

“Once those thirty minutes are up, you can walk outta here scot-free. I’ll even give ya your pay on the spot.”

You’re trying to read his expression. It’s not working- you have no idea what he’s thinking. You don’t really want to quit- you just wanted him to admit he needed you. But maybe after a half hour you’ll both have calmed down enough to renege. Still, you’re not going to back down that easy. Not yet. You’re still riding your wave of frustration, needing the outlet.

“Fine. You get me for thirty more minutes. As long as after that I don’t have to work for your overbearing ass ever again, I’m satisfied.”

His eyes glint. He’s still holding your wrist.

“I don’t think you are satisfied. You got anything you wanna say to me before you’re no longer my employee?”

“No.”

“Anything you wanna do?”

“No,” you repeat, more firmly this time, more to yourself than him, keeping unwavering eye contact. The glint in his eyes sharpens.

“You’re real good at sayin’ no, aren’t you?”

“Better than I am at saying yes.”

“Heh. Cute. We’ll see about that.”

He pulls your arm back, forcing you to step closer to him. His left hand grabs your jaw from underneath, four fingers on one side and a thumb on the other, holding you firm. He slams his lips into yours. The sudden unexpected contact has your nerves alight, your heart jumping in your chest, and an undeniable throb running through you.

He steps forward, pushing you back to his desk, pressing his hips hard against yours and making you hop up on the desk to escape the pressure. He slides between your legs. You try to scooch back to allow more room but the hand on your wrist finally leaves to find the small of your back and pull you back to the edge, against his groin. His lips are aggressive against yours, as if he’s still trying to fight you wordlessly.

You break for air. His hand remains on your jaw. You place your palms behind you on the desk, lean back on them so you can look him in the eye. “You’re just trying to get out of paying me, aren’t you? Hoping I’ll forget?”

He bears down on you. Your chests are nearly pressed together.

“Oh sugar,” he starts before leaning in. You reflexively lean back further but his hand moves from your jaw to the back of your head, grabbing a fistful of hair to hold you in place. He tilts your head to the left, exposing your neck. His lips find your ear and he veritably growls,

“I’ll fuck you so hard you won’t remember your own name.”

A shiver runs through you. You like the sound of that. But you’re not going to make it easy for him.

“I should sue you for sexual harassment, old man.”

He bites your earlobe, the hand on the small of your back running down to grab your hip and squeeze.

“You can tell me to stop aaaaany second now, princess. But I think we both know you’re too desperate to do that.”

“Oh fuck off,” you say, irritation at the demeaning nickname flaring, “If I were desperate I would have taken that cowboy up on his offer to take me for a ride this morning. I’m just here to make sure I get my money,” you lie, in an effort to rile him up even more.

The hand on your hip moves up under your shirt, up to your breast. Despite the throb of arousal that runs through you when he grabs your breast, you continue.

“I’m sure this won’t take too much time… how long can an old man like you last anyway?”

He finds your nipple and pinches, bites your earlobe again. Your back arches.

“Can’t wait for you to find out.”

Before you can retort, he suddenly moves you. His hand moves to your sternum and he presses, guiding you down to lay longways on his desk. He throws his other arm out in one large swipe to get rid of the various papers, pens, and knicknackery on the desk and allow you space. You swing your legs up on the desk and the lamp tumbles to the floor. Fully sprawled on his desk now, he looms over your right side, taking in the look of surprise and fluster on your face with great pleasure. You quickly shake it off, not wanting to give him the satisfaction.

“Let’s get this over with then,” you say, reaching a hand out to his crotch. He intercepts it, then grabs your other wrist, bringing it into his left hand and pinning them to the desk over your head.

“Oh no, it ain’t time yet sugar,” he says, and his right hand trails down to your shorts. He’s already unbuttoning them, unzipping them, and diving beneath your underwear when he says,

“I wanna hear you beg for it.”

You fight the throb that runs through you.

“Tch, you haven’t even done anything yet—”

His finger finds your clit and presses hard. You squirm despite yourself, the touch sending hot flashes of pleasure through your body. He releases the pressure for just a moment before applying it again, just as harsh, just as exhilarating. He repeats the cycle, each time making your body seize.

“Haven’t you ever- nngh- heard of a delicate touch?”

“I can tell you’re one of those who doesn’t like a delicate touch.”

You can’t deny it to yourself- you’re already desperately aroused. But you don’t need to let him know that.

“You don’t know shit about me.”

“You can stop tryna act up” —suddenly his finger leaves your clit, and he thrusts two large fingers inside of your wet pussy— “proof’s right here.”

You gasp when the fingers enter you, arch your back at the sudden penetration. You’re ready for his fingers to work inside you when just as fast as they entered you, they leave, and he’s right back to work on your increasingly sensitive clit.

“Nngh- stop wasting my fucking time, already. I’m getting bored.”

“You got a real smart mouth, you know that?”

“Yeah, and you’re gonna have to work- nngh- way harder than that to shut it up.”

His hand leaves your clit again. He shoves his still-wet fingers into your mouth. He massages your tongue, smirks down at you, enjoying how quickly red spreads across your face.

“I know you’re easier than that, sugar.”

You clench your thighs together, getting more aroused every second. Then his fingers dip too deep, traveling into your throat, making you gag. You strain against the hand holding you by the wrists.

“Heh, didn’t expect you to have a gag reflex. Don’t worry, we’ll take care of that.”

You take the first two thrusts in your throat, horny enough that you almost let yourself fully submit to him. Almost. When he goes in for a third you bite down on the fingers that are now knuckle deep in your throat. Stan removes his hand quickly. You manage to break free of his grasp and you sit up, close to his face. Through your arousal and red hot face you manage to pant out,

“I’m not gonna just lie there and take it.”

You expect to find displeasure on his face. To the contrary, Stan looks pleasantly surprised at your defiance.

“Yeah, you will.”

He grabs the back of your head again and kisses you, this time shoving his tongue inside your mouth. His tongue works against yours in a few large strokes before he moves you yet again. He breaks the kiss and twists your head to the left, other hand forcing your right hip in the same direction, flipping you over, and before you know it he’s pressed your left cheek to the hard wood of the desk and your body is now fully prone in front of him. Holding you down by your neck with his left hand he uses his right to reach under you and grab your groin. With a mighty lift he hoists your hips up so you’re on your knees, ass in the air. With that same hand he yanks your shorts down, your underwear coming down with them, down your thighs, exposing you. Before you can fully comprehend the new position he’s put you in, he smacks your ass. You let out a short “ah!”- both at the stinging contact and the rush of arousal that makes your pussy throb immediately after.

“You gonna apologize for biting, princess?”

You’re stunned by the sudden escalation. You definitely don’t want to apologize. And you definitely do want more of what you just got.

“Not ‘til you apologize for how weak that was-”

He smacks your ass again, a little harder this time, eliciting another short high moan. He doesn’t give you a chance to speak before laying two more on you, each stinging more than the last, the hand on your neck squeezing while he does it. The sting is almost too much, as is the intense yearning in your pussy for any sort of stimulation as a result of it.

“How about now?” Your face is turned away from him, but you can hear the satisfaction in his voice as he asks.

You’re breathing heavy, panting, head swirling with arousal, hands clenched in fists on the desk. He lays another one on you as you don’t respond, and another deep throb of desperation runs through your cunt.

“Aaah— S-sorry”

Another smack. Another throb.

“Sorry who?”

You know what he wants to hear. You’ve refused to call him this since your first day working at the Shack, rolling your eyes whenever he’d urged you to do so. You grit your teeth. “Sorry… sir.”

“Atta girl,” he replies deep and low, and you’re almost embarrassed at the shot of excitement those two words induce.

He runs a hand against your ass, getting dangerously close to your cunt.

“Just a few little spanks and you’re dripping back here, huh?”

“Are you gonna do something about that or just keep wasting my time?”

He lays a gentle tap against your swollen cunt that spurs a sharp groan in your throat. He chuckles.

“I’m gonna keep wasting your time. I’m having too much fun hearin’ you make all those noises. And you can act tough all you want, but I can see you are too.”

He gropes your ass a few times, each grasp teasing your desperate pussy. You can feel your thighs tensing with arousal, and the low hum you ca hear him making in his throat tells you he can too.

“I think I’m gonna need both my hands for this next part though.”

The hand on your neck leaves you, and you actually miss the pressure it had on you.

“Don’t move a muscle, or else. That ass of yours is red enough as it is.”

He walks around behind you, hand trailing from one side of your ass to the other, gently grazing your pussy as it does. He pulls open a drawer, grabs something that clinks in his hand. You identify the sound instantly.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me-” you start to raise up on your palms on the desk so you can turn to him and properly mock what you know is coming. He swiftly walks back around the desk and pushes your upper body back down onto the hardwood, pressing your left cheek back down onto the desk. He takes your wrists and places them in a pair of cold steel handcuffs behind your back.

He smacks your ass again. You moan.

“Told ya not to move, sweetheart.”

“G-great, so you got me handcuffed like I’m in a bad porn. What’s next, you gonna pretend to be the pizza boy?”

He goes back to his spot next to you on the desk. His left hand grabs a fistful of hair. It doesn’t pull, just rests against your scalp so you’re aware that he could so do whenever he wanted. His right hand runs from the underside of your left thigh, up to your ass, before finally letting the tips of his fingers run over your wet cunt.

“Why would I wanna roleplay when I already got you right where I want ya?”

He shoves two fingers inside you again, and you let out a whine at the penetration your pussy was so desperate for. But this time he doesn’t stop, he keeps thrusting his fingers hard and fast, pressing downwards and dragging against your g-spot. You can’t help the long moans it draws out of you.

“You sound like you haven’t been handled like this in years. Too much for ya?” he asks from behind you, and you can hear the smirk in his voice.

“H-hardly. I was j-ust thinking how small they f-feel— aaah!”

He shoves a third inside without hesitation. Your moans get louder.

“If this is how you act with just a few fingers in ya I can’t wait to see how you cry when you get the real deal.”

You can’t even respond to that one. You’re building up to a climax and trying to hold back. You don’t want to give him the satisfaction of making you come so fast. Unfortunately for you, he’s perceptive.

“Speaking of real deal… it sounds like you’re real close.”

His fingers leave you and you immediately miss their presence. You take in a gasp of air to catch your breath when he takes your thighs and pulls, bringing your hips to meet the short edge of the desk, then turns you over. The edge of the desk digs into your sore ass, the handcuffs on your wrists dig into your lower back. The discomfort only bolsters your excitement. He looks down at you, red and sweating through your shirt, with great satisfaction. Now that you’re facing him you can see he’s starting to get red too, heat creeping up his neck. Your eyes find his. He’s looking at you like he wants to devour you.

He pulls your shorts and underwear off your legs the rest of the way, letting them drop to the floor.

He places one hand on your left hip while the other shoves three fingers right back inside you, continuing their relentless pace. You’re still trying to hold back, but it’s no use. After just a few thrusts you feel it about to crash over you. You reflexively turn your head as it mounts.

“Look at me.”

You barely hear him say it.

The hand on your hip raises to your jaw. It grips hard, turns your face up to his. He leans over you so he can better look at your face. That look of hunger in his eyes is inescapable, and it pushes you over the edge.

The orgasm hits you like a tidal wave. Your hips buck, your head reflexively tries to snap up as the pleasure rolls up your spine, but the strong hand on your jaw keeps it in place, keeps your eyes with Stan’s as he drinks up your face in the throes of ecstasy.

You come down. Stan’s fingers don’t stop, only slow, and the continued sensation is almost overwhelming.

Stan chuckles as he sees your face screwed up, desperate over the stimulation.

“I’m not hearin’ a thank you.”

You’re barely holding onto coherent thought.

“Th-thank you.”

“Thank you who?”

“Thank you, asshole”

He picks the speed of his fingers back up and you let out a cry. He chuckles again.

“Still got some fight in ya, huh? I like it. Let’s see how much longer that lasts.”

His fingers leave you again as he straightens up. You let your head loll back, swallow deep breaths at the break from sensory overload. He’s still standing between your legs at the edge of the desk, but you hear him reach a hand back into a drawer. You manage to raise your head enough to see him tear a condom from a roll. You swallow.

“W-wow, how long have those been g-gathering dust in there?”

“Got these about six weeks ago.”

It takes you a second to realize the timing.

“Don’t tell me…”

He chuckles as he unbuttons his pants.

“You were so busy lookin’ at me you didn’t see me returning the favor. Even in the interview. You really gotta work on that subtlety.”

You hear him unzip. You try to raise your head up further to watch him pull it out, heart working overtime to manage the come down from your orgasm in addition to a new wave of arousal at the prospect of him sticking his cock inside you. Stan notices; he reaches up and grabs your jaw again, forcing your head back against the hardwood, unable to look at anything other than the ceiling.

Another bolt of arousal shoots through you, blooming through your spent cunt and making it throb again. Hand still on your jaw, his other hand rolls the condom on. He places the head of his cock at your entrance.

“You think you can take it, princess?”

The demeaning nickname you hate so much makes even more aroused.

“Oh please,” you respond, trying to keep your voice steady despite the intense excitement, “there’s no way it’s that big.”

He enters you slowly. You realize instantly you’re going to swallow your words. You can’t hold back the high moans that escape as his head pushes into you, his girth stretching you far wider than his fingers had just a minute ago. He keeps going, still holding your jaw so you can’t see how much further he has to go. Every second the moans in your throat get higher, more urgent. With every inch that enters you you’re sure that’s it, his hips are going to meet yours, but he keeps pushing in. You start babbling “oh my god” over and over again, completely beyond yourself at the sensation. After another inch you can finally feel his hips about to meet yours. His free hand grabs your left thigh and lifts it, throwing your knee over his shoulder so he can go even deeper, and for a moment you think you might not be able to take it. Finally, he’s to the hilt, and you’re panting like you’re trying to run a marathon in between loose, weak “ohmygod”s.

Stan finally lets go of your jaw and lets his hand trail down to your chest. He pulls your shirt up so he can watch your breasts heave as you pant. His hand continues to trail downward, caressing your torso as it goes. His thumb finds your clit and presses just as hard as he did before, forcing a strangled “ahng!” from your throat. Your hips try to buck, but Stan uses his grip on the thigh thrown over his shoulder to keep you in place, keep you impaled on his cock. He doesn’t thrust, just assaults your clit with friction and pressure to watch you twitch and writhe.

“When was the last time you had dick this good, princess? When was the last time someone hit you this deep?”

You don’t answer at first, still reeling. He presses even harder on your clit and you answer in a desperate whine.

“I d-don’t know! I don’t remember! Probably- nngh- never!”

You look at him, standing at the edge of the desk, balls deep inside you, one large hand gripping your thigh and another working your clit. He’s got a cocky grin on his face as he takes you in. He’s also red, starting to break into a sweat, not quite panting yet but certainly breathing heavily. You’ve fully recovered from your orgasm and the initial shockwave of his large cock, and your arousal is building up in earnest again. He releases your clit. He reaches up, undoes his tie and the first few buttons of his shirt, gold chain and chest hair in full view, and you can’t help but stare. His grin somehow gets more cocky.

“I’ll make sure you remember this.”

He pulls his hips back slowly, pulling more high moans from your throat. He pushes back in, faster this time, and you cry out at the feeling of his girth stretching your cunt, his length hitting you so deeply. Heat flushes to your face as your blood pumps. Again he pauses, watching you pant, letting out small “hah”s as you struggle to adjust.

“I told you I’d have you cryin’ on my cock.”

He pulls back again at a steady pace. After a moan you manage to eke out,

“Just c-cus it’s big d-doesn’t mean you know how to u-use it-”

He slams into you hard, making you cry out again.

“Oh I know how to use it. And I’m gonna use it to fuck the brat right outta you, sweetheart.”

He fucks you fast, watching your body tense and writhe in front of him, watching you strain against the handcuffs under you. His eyes travel up to your face, screwed up again in pleasure and overwhelming sensation, mouth open as it lets out a stream of high moans. He can tell you’re getting close again.

“Look at you, ain’t even been five minutes and you’re drunk on my cock. You’re takin’ it good, too, takin’ the whole thing for me. How’s it feel?”

His talking you through it has you beside yourself because he's right, it's almost embarrassing how close he has you after such a short amount of time, you're just so pent up, not just from the frustrating day, but from the weeks of daydreaming about Stan, wondering what he'd feel like inside you, and now that you're here it's almost too much. Another orgasm is about to shoot through you. Before you completely lose the ability to talk, you stutter out a lie,

“I-it’s fine.”

“You deny it all you want with that mouth of yours but the cunt squeezin’ around my cock says somethin��� different.”

That does it. With a few broken sobs you come, and it’s hot, sharp, rolling through you, making you jerk against him. He holds you down so your bucking hips can’t interfere with his thrusts, the hand on your thigh gripping it hard and pinning it flush against his torso, his other hand pinning your hip. You feel like putty in his grip, mind swirling at the intensity of the orgasm wracking your body. You come down and he slows the tempo, again not stopping entirely, just relenting enough for you to catch your breath. Once he sees you stabilize he reduces his rhythm to painfully slow, gradually pulling all the way out before pushing all the way back in.

“You done bein’ a fuckin’ brat yet? Or am I gonna have to pound it outta you even harder?”

“Nngh- d-don’t give y-yourself a heart attack.” You’re almost slurring your words as you struggle through the response.

He chuckles. You look at him, still thrusting his hips into yours. While the grip on your thigh remains, the hand pinning your hip to the table is now wandering, feeling up your torso, your waist, your breasts. Beads of sweat line his brow and his cheeks are are fully flushed red. The cocky grin is still there but underlined with something more ravenous. The newly slowed thrusts are drawing whines out from your throat, embarrassingly high and desperate sounding, but you can’t help it. He’s keeping you on the edge of overstimulation. Your pussy is sensitive from your climaxes and you’re fighting to recover.

“You need to be careful, sugar. I got you right where I want you. You’re not exactly in a position to fight back, y’know.”

“D-don’t -nngh- need to be. I know you’re about to bust, I’m in the -nngh- home stretch.”

He grabs your breast, gropes it hard. He lets out another chuckle.

“Who says I’m letting you go after I’m done with my first round?”

The threat sends a fresh wave of arousal through you.

“O-oh yeah? And what do you think -nngh- you’re gonna do to me?”

“I’ve been meaning to fuck that smart mouth.” Another wave of arousal. They’re hotter now, feeling like lava pooling in your lower half. He’s keeping the same arduously slow pace, still pulling out entirely with each thrust, and you can hear the slick of your come with each reentry.

His hand wanders up from your breast. It travels up your sternum, brushing past your clavicle before finding your throat. He rests his thumb on one side and lets his fingers fall in line on the other.

“I bet I’d like what you say a lot more with my cock down your throat.”

He squeezes gently, applying light pressure to the arteries under your jaw. You gasp- you immediately feel lightheaded. Your brain was already struggling to maintain coherent thought and is now fogged over, barely able to register any thoughts other than how good his fat cock feels sliding in and out of you.

“There we go,” Stan growls, and your cunt throbs on his cock. “Tell me how it feels.”

“N-not bad.”

He applies a little more pressure. You gasp again.

“G-good.”

“That’s what I thought.”

He watches you closely as more lava-hot arousal builds within you. The feeling of thrust after thrust after thrust emphasized by the fingers around your throat and the restraint of the cuffs and his grip is all starting to drive you insane. Before long you feel burning hot, feverish, an almost primal lust blooming within you. You start weakly trying to get him to increase his speed with your hips, but he doesn’t let you. He keeps his torturously slow pace.

“P-pick it up old man-”

He pulls out entirely and keeps his head at your entrance. You feel so empty when he leaves you, you want his cock back inside you immediately, no, actually, you need it, and you try to push your hips to lead it back to your pussy but he holds you in place.

“You want my cock? I’m gonna need to hear you beg for it.” He fully releases the pressure on your throat, giving you the ability to speak unhindered.

“P-please, I want your cock,” you mumble.

“Didn’t quite hear ya.”

“Please, I want your cock,” you begrudgingly say louder.

“Who’re you talking to?”

You let out a noise halfway between an exasperated sigh and a moan. “Please, I want your cock, sir.”

He nestles the head of your cock between your folds, pushing in just an inch before pulling back. You whine.

“That doesn’t sound like beggin’ to me.”

“Please fuck me, god, I just want you to fuck me sir!”

He slides the first couple inches in but goes no further, looking down at you expectantly.

“Please sir, I’m desperate for your cock, I’ll do anything if you just fuck me again, I’ll shut up, I’ll be good, I’ll—”

He slams his hips into you and you yelp. He doesn’t fuck you as fast this time. Instead he slams into you hard and rolls his hips, mercilessly pounding every inch of your cunt. You’re yowling, babbling ‘thank you’s and ‘oh god’s and arching your back as an unbearable pressure builds in your body, and as he fucks you he’s telling you how good you are for taking his cock, how he knew he could shut that bratty mouth up, how next time you talk back to him he’s gonna bend you over the counter in the gift shop and fuck you however he wants, how pretty you look crying on his cock, and oh god you are crying, the intense stimulation after two strong orgasms making a few tears well up and spill over, and as you get closer your babbling dies in your throat, you’re only able to make small strangled “ah”s, pathetic little noises that make Stan fuck you even harder, and-

-fuck-

you’re coming. It’s sharp, less like a wave and more like a dam breaking. Your body is wracked by powerful throbs making you seize against Stan’s relentless hips, but finally as he watches you struggle on his cock for the second time, he lets himself finish too, giving you a few final pounds before plunging deep and remaining there as he groans.

The two of you come down together. He’s panting heavily, you’re all but whimpering. He takes you in. You’re a sweaty mess blinking tears out of your eyes and gasping for air. He pulls out of you slowly, watches you react one final time to his cock. He lets your thigh slide down off his shoulder. He takes the condom off and pitches it. He reaches back into the drawer.

He grabs you by the shoulders and gently hauls your upper body into a sitting position. You fall forward into his chest, barely able to support yourself after all that exertion. He reaches a hand down behind you and unlocks the cuffs. Your arms fall down and find purchase pressing against the same edge of the desk digging into your thighs. He stands there, letting you pant together as you lean into him, and rubs small circles into your lower back where the cuffs had dug in and made impressions in your skin. You nuzzle against his chest for a minute letting him do so, feeling fuzzy and rubbery in the afterglow. After that minute passes, you lean back and look up at him.

“Well, good news Stan. You’ve convinced me to not quit.”

He chuckles.

“Good. Cus your thirty minutes were just about up.”

You smile, and he looks down at you with a smile far softer than you expected. It sends a different kind of warmth through you. Stan, seeming to become self-conscious of his intimate gaze, clears his throat.

“I’ll keep ya around. But you better stay in line, sweetheart, otherwise I might have to call you into my office to, uh, discuss your performance. I’m big on employee discipline, y’know.”

You smile wider and nuzzle back into his chest as he continues working out the impressions.

“Oh yeah. I’ll be real careful.”

[starmieknight]

Stars Align

Headhunters Pt. 1

17 Again AU: After a disastrous first day with the twins, Stan swears to do better as an uncle. But fate loves playing tricks on him and the magic 8-ball in the attic is more than it seems.

Now on top of having a pair of twelve year olds around the house while he tries to finish the portal and bring his brother home, Stan has to deal with being back in his seventeen year old body! Summer has never been weirder in Gravity Falls.

AO3 link

Concept Art

Legend of the Gobblewonker (Art)

Prologue, The Legend of the Gobblewonker (previous), Headhunters Pt. 1, Headhunters Pt. 2, Headhunters Pt. 3, The Hand That Rocks the Mabel Pt. 1, The Hand That Rocks the Mabel Pt. 2, The Inconveniencing, Dipper Vs. Manliness

It was only with mild surprise that Stan woke up young again. 

Gravity Falls weirdness wass unreliable on any given day.  The state he was in didn't seem to be going away anytime soon. 

So Stan grits his teeth and heads downstairs to make breakfast anyway. This is still fine. He was still fine. 

He can't afford to keep the Shack closed another day, so he improvises his usual look a bit. The jacket stays even if it's a bit big on him and the shoulders aren't as filled out as they normally are. But he doesn't have to shove himself into the girdle and counts that as a win. Beneath the jacket he dons a plain white T-shirt and a pair of old jeans from the back of the closet. 

They might have been Ford's at one time, though they seem kinda small...

Mabel calls his outfit 'hipster-business casual' when she sees him and he has no idea what that means.

Wendy is off work that day, leaving him without a teen-speak translator.

Absent-mindedly, Stan wonders if she'd caught sight of him yesterday at the lake. 

Hopefully, she hadn't and the weirdness will be gone in the morning. 

In all, the day turns out pretty uneventful ― aside from a few tourists giving him extra tips after tours. 

They thought it was adorable that he was so interested in the 'family business' and laughed when he claimed he was well into his fifties. 

Not with that baby face, they'd say.

Fine ― if they wanted to throw more money at him, he wouldn't complain. 

Before long, the day is done and Stan eagerly shucks the blazer and his jeans in favor of boxers and a T-shirt.  

He avoids the mirror, memories of Glass Shard Beach plaguing his every step. 

He swears he can hear his mother on the other side of the wall, schmoozing some schmuck over the phone. Sees his father glaring at him from the corner of his eye. 

Feels the phantom hands of his brothers on the stairs, Shermie's large and powerful on his shoulder while Ford tugs at his sleeve more hesitantly.

Stan shudders and leans against the hallway wall, squeezing his eyes shut against the memories. 

He breathes deep and carries on, planning on joining the twins downstairs when the scent of dust and wax catches his attention.  

A long-forgotten door beckons to him from down the hall, filled with waxy faces of celebrities and fictional characters.

Huh, he'd forgotten all about these guys.

Outside, he can hear Soos and the kids coming and can't resist the set-up for a good prank.

Having to hide in a dark, dusty room for a chance at a jump scare is worth it.

Stan cackles at the twins' screams before bundling them up in a bear hug.

"It's just me!" he crows joyfully. "Your Grunkle Stan!"

They scream once more out of reflex before settling down.

"Grunkle Stan, what is this place?" Mabel asked, flopping over his arm to stare upside down at the displays. 

Dipper wriggles in his grasp, in danger of being dropped, before Stan sets them back on their feet.

"Behold ― the Gravity Falls Wax Museum!" Stan declares, proudly spreading his arms and spinning on his heel. A born showman even as a young man. "It was one of my most popular attractions... before I forgot all about it." 

More like got creeped out by the things and hid them away so he didn't have to look at them anymore. 

Like Ford's old room.  

The loss of wax Abraham Lincoln makes him pout and whine, but Mabel is quick to offer a solution.

It's amazing to watch the kid work through the night, but when she refuses to stop and sleep, Stan puts his foot down.

He manages to get some food in her and gets her to take a nap, but the girl is too much like Ford to stay down for long. She'll be up soon and Stan will have his hands full.

------------------------

The next morning was... interesting.

This time, when Stan woke up as a teenager, he didn't question it and went about his business. Mabel was still passed out on the couch in the living room, fingers sticky with wax and glitter as she took a small break from her work. Stan puts her pancakes in the microwave and eats a quiet breakfast with Dipper, both of them too out of it to form proper conversation.

Stan didn't know if it was a side-effect of being a teenager again, but it was incredibly difficult to wake up before noon. His mind felt like it was running on empty until the sun reached its peak in the sky. On the other hand, it was easier to stay up at night. It'd work out in his favor when he got his hands on Dipper's journal. Whenever he could swing that.

The kid had it hidden well and never left it laying around in the Shack.

Stan could feel that the answers to getting his brother back were closer than ever and the set-back of keeping it secret at the same time was almost too frustrating to bear.

He huffed to himself and slumped down onto the couch outside, half dressed in his usual attire. The summer morning was turning out to be a hot one and he was already sweaty enough. The jacket stayed off, draped over the arm of the couch and in-reach in case a tour bus suddenly appeared. 

A rustling around the side of the porch had him tensing instinctively, too many years on the streets and in nasty situations to let him relax for long. Even using his twin's identity didn't keep him safe from everyone after him. And with this face, it’d be even harder to keep convincing people he was the real Stanford Pines.

Stan slipped his hand into his jeans pocket, fingers sliding into his brass knuckles. Even in this body, they fit like a glove, the only consistent part of his life from the past 40 years. The knuckles had come with him from New Jersey, the one thing he'd ever chanced lifting out of his old man's shop.

The thought of Filbrick finding out that Stan stole from him was still a chilling one.

Stan positioned himself to watch the side of the porch as casually as he could, muscles lax in preparation to move whatever direction he needed to.

It probably wasn't the kids ― they were naturally noisy. So was Soos. The only other person who'd be hanging around the Shack was...

"Who are you?"

Wendy.

The girl really was cool as ice, merely raising a curious brow as Stan explained his plight.

"That's some freaky shit, man." She said finally, dropping onto the couch beside him instead of heading inside. The slacker. "But you've still got your memories, right? You're not just, like, mini-Stan Pines from 1940 or whatever?"

Stan pinned her with an irritated look. "How old do you think I am? You kids have no idea how age works."

"So?"

"And stop swearing! The kids are around here somewhere."

"They'll hear worse in high school."

"Yeah, but I ain't gonna have them go home talkin' like that and have their parents come up here to murder me."

"Would they even recognize you like that?"

Stan grew quiet, his brow furrowing as he stared into the treeline.

No, they wouldn't.

The last time he'd seen his nephew as himself and not using Ford's name had been back in 1972. Back when he really was seventeen.

Alex had been a baby back then, wailing in his grandmother's arms as Filbrick threw Stan into the street. He'd never known an uncle aside from Ford.

Or, at least, the man he thought was Ford. Alex had visited once when the Shack was still the Murder Hut. They'd spent the month fishing and riding the backroads through town, Stan teaching the kid how to drive and use bad pickup lines on girls.

It'd been the highlight of his thirties. He'd hoped it would be the same when the twins came down to visit.

It was turning out to just be weird.

"I'm sorry, man." Wendy said suddenly, drawing Stan out of his memories about a freckle faced kid with too many freckles to count.

"It's fine, kid." He sighed, rising to his feet and sliding on his jacket. "Go on and get to work. We've got customers to rip off."

Wendy hummed in agreement, her eyes sharp beneath their lazy lids. She held her tongue, though, and he was grateful for that much.

Mabel was missing from the couch when they came in, a nest of blankets the only indication that she'd ever been there.

"Kids?" He called, moving into the parlor. "Where'd you― GAH!!"

By some miracle, Stanford was standing in front of him. The twins and Soos crowded him, only that familiar face visible over the kids’ heads and grinning at him.

Which was weird.

Even when Ford smiled, he never looked like that. And he certainly wouldn't smile at Stanley.

"Grunkle Stan!" Mabel cheered, dripping glitter onto the hardwood. "What do you think of my masterpiece? I thought about recreating this new, young you ― but that would have been pretty confusing for the customers. Like a waxy twin!"

A waxy twin.

That's all it was.

Ford was still trapped on the other side of the portal, likely hurt and resenting Stan.

"Grunkle Stan? Are you... alright?"

Dipper crouched down next to him, brow furrowed in concern. 

Stan sucked in a deep breath, vaguely acknowledging that he'd stopped breathing at the sight of what he'd thought was his brother. It wasn't Ford. Just a wax figure.

And the twins were looking at him strangely now. Time to redirect.

"Can a teenager have a heart attack?" He asked seriously before pasting on a cheesy grin. "Because that hunk is making my heart do flips!"

The twins laughed, the tension breaking as Soos helped Stan back up. It was strange how easily the handyman could lift him now, like he weighed nothing more than a sack of potatoes. And he handled him so gently. Like a child!

Stan remembered when Soos was the child, all chubby cheeks and wide eyes as he followed him around the Shack. Like a little baby duck.

He'd been a pretty cute kid, honestly. 

Ugh. Being young again was turning him into a sap. 

He needed to change the subject and Wax Stan had just given him the perfect idea.

"Kids," he grinned eagerly as he drew them near. Mabel had a light shining in her eye, apparently on the same wavelength as him. Dipper looked more skeptical. "The Wax Museum is back in business!”

[allisquish]

Gold-plated Silver Lining

Or, Stan's reflections on you taking his family in after Gideon steals the deed to the Shack at the end of season 1.

Was in the middle of a Gravity Falls rewatch, and this idea held me hostage. Just a bit of a drabble, but I'd like to play in the universe more (and write something with that one Soos'swith Stan and Soos's abuela but uuuuuh replace her with the reader). Admittedly, I haven't written fic in forever, so uhhh, enjoy??

Now in 4 parts

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

-----

Stan glanced out of the kitchen, watching you and the twins pile onto your couch in the living room. They snuggled up on either side of you as some movie played on the tv. After everything fell apart with Gideon and the deed to the Shack... Stan counted himself beyond lucky that you loved the twins as much as you do.

You and the kids had taken a shine to each other as soon as they had arrived at the Shack. You joined them in their shenanigans right along with Soos and Wendy. At th time,  Stan was grateful to have an adult around to help wrangle Dipper and Mabel. As much as Stan did like his employees, Soos and Wendy weren't exactly what he'd call responsible.

Hell, Stan wouldn't even use that term to describe himself.

But now? Stan forever indebted to your unending well of kindness. No one else in town would've opened up their home to him and the twins the way you have. Who would still be trying so hard to create a silver lining out of storm clouds. To make sure th twins could enjoy their summer, despite everything.

Stan didn't know how much longer their summer in Gravity Falls would be.

He spoke quietly to the twins' parents on the phone. He explained the situation and assuaged their fears (and his own) best that he could.

"Put them up in this amazing four star hotel!" He omitted about your tiny shoebox apartment. They didn't need to know that the only thing keeping Stan off the streets was the kindness of an employee.

Former employee.

"What? Sure, we got plenty to eat." He assured, opening your fridge to reveal a pack of pitt soda, a few condiments and take out containers.

"Relax, if I thought I couldn't take care of these kids, I'd send them back to you, right away." He finished up the phone call, holding back a sigh.

"Grunkle Stan! Pizza's here!" Mabel called, announcing the arrival of the pizza you'd bought for them.

He put your phone away, standing once more on the threshold of the kitchen, watching you with the kids. You let Dipper and Mabel fill their plats first, before setting aside a forth plate of pizza. Only then did you make a plate for yourself. He couldn't quiet place or name the feelings that churned and tightned in his chest. You were always taking care of those around you first, selfless in your actions.

...Maybe it was time he did the same.

[starlight-write]

Master Escape Artist

Finished this in a sleep-deprived haze but wanted to get this one out before starting on Tickletober this year. This fic is heavily inspired from these headcannons from @cloudysfluffs

Also, I'd like to issue a formal apology for going MIA for literal months on end as I've been focusing on schoolwork and getting my certification but I'm hoping to get back into writing for this blog.

Anyways, hope you enjoy and feel free to send in any suggestions or prompts you'd like to see!

Pairings: Ler!Wendy, Switch!Dipper, Switch!Mabel (All Platonic)

Word Count: 3.5k (JEEZ)

Summary: Mabel has a reputation for being a ruthless tickler, dishing out tickle attacks to her friends and family whenever possible. To make matters worse, Mabel prides herself at being a so-called 'Master Escape Artist' as not a single person has been able to catch her. However, Mabel might've pushed her luck a bit to far when inadvertently challenging a certain friend who is more than ready to put her to the test.

Warnings: This is obviously going to be a tickle fic. Don't like? DOn't interact.

"AAAAHH-!! MABEL!- MABEL DOhohohoHOHON'T!! PLEHEHEHAAHAHAHAHA!!!-" Dipper squealed from his place on the floor where his twin had him pinned by the waist, as she ruthlessly dug her claws into his overly sensitive ribcage.

Dipper pushed, and screamed, and squealed as he fought frantically to escape even though he knew it would do him no good...he had been on the receiving end of his sister's cruelty enough to know that the moment she set her sights on you, it's over.

"Tickle, tickle, tickle! What's so funny, Dipper? I know you think that rude little joke you just made was hilarious, but you gotta get a hold of yourself!" Mabel said as she smiled through gritted teeth and dug in harder.

The twins had been hanging out in their room not five minutes ago when the topic of Mabel's weekly crush came up. Some boy she made eye contact with at the diner who was organizing stickers or something. This one's different! It's love at first sight...again.

Dipper just flipped through the pages of his journal as half-listened to Mabel's love-sick rant. He might've had a passing thought to himself that wasn't as silent as he had hoped. Something along the lines of making sure that boy didn't make out with his stickers or something like that.

And that little slip-up was what had got him chased all throughout the Mystery Shack until he was finally tackled to the floor of the gift shop, where Soos and Wendy happened to be no less, and was now getting the snot tickled out of him.

"AAAAAAAAHH!!! STOHOHOHOHOP! PLEHEHEHESE-IT WAS JUHUHUST AHAHA JOHOHOKE!! IHIH'M SOHORRY!!"

Wendy had long put down her magazine as she watched the scene unfold in front of her. Resting her chin in her hand and leaning over the counter as she watched her friends play. Soos, on the other hand, seemed to be avoiding eye contact at all costs, still sweeping as he pretended not to notice what was happening.

Eventually, Dipper's frantic squealing died down when Mabel had slowly gotten off of him once she decided he'd had enough. She offered a hand, but the boy opted to curl into a ball instead as he worked on recovering from the attack.

Mabel bent down to poke her brother's head condescendingly as she spoke, "Next time, think twice about poking fun at my love life!" The girl laughed playfully.

"Dang Mabel, you're pretty ruthless. Honestly thought you were trying to kill him for a sec." Wendy commented from her spot behind the counter.

"Oh, that?" Mabel laughed. "That was nothing. Couple nights ago Grunkle Stand and I got him so good he was hiccuping for at least ten minutes after we stopped!"

"Mabel!" Dipper hushed from his fetal position still on the floor.

The boy forced himself to at least sit upright and save at least some dignity. He turned away to grab his hat he had shaken off during the tussle hoping it would help hide his burning face from Wendy.

The older girl just chuckled at the scene before turning her focus back to Mabel.

"Y'know, I'd watch my back if I were you. Push your luck too far and Dipper's bound to get revenge sooner or later."

Mabel barked out a laugh before chucking herself, as if what Wendy had just said had been the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard.

"HA!- Hahahahahaa. Oh Wendy, Wendy, Wendy, you're hilarious! But I'll have you know Dipper, and everyone else for that matter, has already tried their luck and failed miserably. I'm a master escape artist and way to slippery for Dipper's sweaty little hands." Mabel giggled at hearing another hushed protest from her brother.

"In fact, I don't think I've been tickled in years! Guess everyone just gave up trying since they know it's pointless, that and the fact that I always get them back for even trying!"

Never in her life had Wendy seen so much cheek from a single person before now.

"Oh? I wouldn't say that if I were you, squirt. You might jinx your luck and test the wrong person." Wendy said looking down at the other.

"No. Mabel's right, unfortunately." Dipper chimed in, picking himself up off the floor with a small huff. "She's impossible to catch, not just for me and Grunkle Stan but our parents, Candy, Grenda, it really doesn't matter. No one stands a chance at catching her unless she wants to be caught."

"See!" Mabel smirked and gestured towards her brother. "I got tons of references! This master escape artist had yet to be defeated! My perfect streak remains unbroken and I dare anyone who would try to break it!"

Mabel boasted herself with the upmost confidence anyone would expect from a naive twelve-year-old. However, what she didn't notice was the older girl in front of her stretching her muscles during her entire rant.

"Welp, guess that settles it then." Wendy honed her eyes on her friend. "You ready?"

"Wait what-"

Mabel barely had time to blink before Wendy had effortlessly jumped over the counter meer inches from grabbing her. The girl shouted in surprise as she scurried away to the opposite side of the room.

Not wasting a second, Wendy ran towards her. Mabel shouted again, completely caught off guard by this turn of events which had unfortunately cost her a few precious seconds.

The younger girl managed to slip past her attacker and jump over a pile of merchandise which she toppled over in hopes to trip the other.

Mabel sprinted towards Soos, who was frozen and staring in shock at what was unfolding in front of him. Already flustered and feeling awkward from being in the same room as someone getting tickled, he did NOT want any part of what was happening now.

"AH-Dude! I really don't think you guys should be doing this-!" Soos exclaimed nervously towards the kid who was now behind him. Mabel managed to run behind her friend and grab onto him and was now using Soos as a human shield.

Soos grew even more sweaty and awkward as Wendy faced him and attempted to reach around to grab Mabel. The two kept this up for almost a full minute and Soos thought he was about to die of embarrassment.

Dipper, however, was having a blast! Never before had he seen his twin struggle this much to outrun somebody! Not to mention she actually looked nervous! Oh, how Dipper wished he had a camera on him right now! Mabel may have actually pushed her luck too far this time.

Realizing the human-shield plan wasn't working out to well as she'd hoped. Mabel climbed up on her friend's shoulders and managed to slide herself on top of the vending machine.

Unfortunately for her though, Mabel forgot she was being chased by an actual lumberjack.

Wendy followed her up with no difficulty and with no other places to climb, she managed to grab the girl around her torso.

Dipper gasped, thinking his sister had finally gotten herself caught. Until Mabel raised both arms above her head and slipped out of her sweater and off the vending machine with a surprising amount of grace.

Wendy grunted in frustration and tossed the sweater on Soos's head before jumping off herself and resuming their little chase.

Mabel sprinted towards the door of the gift shop. There's no way Wendy would be able to catch her if she'd managed to get outside. Almost there...

Almost!

It was at that moment that Dipper had made the split-second decision to sabotage his sister's escape by lifting his leg up to trip her up before she ran pass him.

The girl fell to the floor with a loud oomf, eyes going wide as she realized what had just happened.

Dipper felt a pang in his chest at the utterly betrayed look on his poor sister face. But that was soon forgotten as Wendy caught up to them and used her weight to pin Mabel down to her spot on the floor.

"Nice one, Dipper!" Wendy have him a thumbs up and a wink which of course caused the tween to stutter and blush.

"Oh! W-Well y'know, I-I just thought th-that I m-might as well try a-and-"

"LET ME GOOO!!!! AGH-NOOOO!!" Dipper's Stuttering was interrupted by his sister's panicked wailing.

Mabel fought and thrashed and shrieked as she struggled to wriggle herself out from under Wendy, who was now scrambling to catch Mabel's arms in order to pin them down.

"AAH- NONONONONO!! THIS ISN'T FAAAIR!! YOU CHEHEHEHEATED!! THIHIHIHIS DOESN'T COHOHOHOHOUNT!!!"

Oh God, Mabel was losing it. She must've already guessed what was coming if that utterly panicked laughter was anything to go by. Dipper couldn't remember seeing Mabel this nervous over anything!

As she'd mentioned earlier, it had been years since Mabel was on the receiving end of one of these attacks, so safe to say that she wasn't at all prepared for what was no doubt coming her way.

"Dipper! Ack- A little help?!" Wendy grunted as she dodged Mabel's flailing limbs.

"Oh! Right- Sorry!" Dipper said awkwardly as he shook his thoughts away and seated himself right above his sister's head.

Mabel's desperate protests doubled down as she watched Dipper approach her. She bargained and apologized and begged her brother not to do this to her as her thrashing continued.

Dipper just huffed out an apologetic laugh at her dramatics. "Heh. Sorry sis, but you've had this coming for a while now. Plus, you did tickle the snot out of me just now so I don't think begging is gonna get you outta this one..." Dipper said as he playfully ruffled her hair before reaching out to grab her wrists.

Oh she was so screwed...

Mabel screwed her eyes shut and threw her arms down over her torso and locked them around herself with an iron grip, suddenly realizing how exposed her upper body was without her sweater.

"Alright, you wanna play that game, huh?" Wendy let out an evil chuckle. "Well then, let's see how long you'll be able to keep that up." The older girl said before pinching what little she could reach of the younger girl's sides.

The answer was, apparently: not long at all.

Mabel broke immediately at the overwhelming tingling sensation the fingers brought to her sides. The girl howled and shot her arms down to grab at the offending hands. To which, Wendy twisted her wrists out of the girl's grip and finally managed to get a hold of the appendages.

"Dipper!" Wendy called out for the other to take the girl's wrists which the tween struggled to pull back above her head, eventually managing to pin them down although it nearly his entire body weight.

Wendy leaned back and wiped the sweat off her brow. "Phew! Gotta say kid, I underestimated you! You definitely weren't lying about being a, what'd you call it? "Master Escape Artist"?" The teen chuckled. "Luckily for me though that your latest victim was right here ready to sell you out, huh?" Wendy laughed and she shot Dipper another thumbs up.

The teasing only served to darken the girl's already pink face as she frantically shook her head. "You guhuhuhuhuys cheatehehehed! I'll get you guhuhuys bahahahack fohor this, I swehehear!"

The older girl just tutted and shook her head down at her. "There's that cocky attitude again. Well, maybe you'll learn to have a bit of empathy for you little victims once you've had a taste of your own medicine..."

And with that, Wendy's fingers found their way back to the poor kid's sides. Slowly spidering up to the bottom of the girl's ribcage and down again to the top of her hips.

Up...and down...and up...and down...

Mabel couldn't hold back the shriek that punched its way out of her throat.

The poor kid began kicking her feet out frantically and arched her back and the torturous feeling. Practically growling as she gritted her teeth and pressed the back of her head to the floorboards. Hoping to relieve at least some of the unbearable tingling in her stomach.

The gentle gliding of the older teen's fingers absolutely threw Mabel for a loop and did absolutely nothing to quell the swarm of butterflies that had followed her ever since the beginning of their little chase.

She had expected Wendy to go ham on her right off the bat just as she'd done to Dipper not even five minutes ago, but nope. Wendy's fingers just continued to glide their way up and down Mabel's sides, never straying from that agonizingly slow pace. Over and over and over again...

Eventually, Mabel's frantic thrashing had died down and the shrieking protests from before had dissolved into a stream of high-pitched cackling.

"Still feeling all high and mighty ya little brat?" Wendy playfully chuckled down at her friend. "Jeez, I wonder how this 'Master Escape Artist' is gonna get out of this one."

Mabel gritted her teeth at that comment, managing to stifle her laughter for a moment.

"Y-Yohohou guhuys are thehe wohohohorst!"

Dipper couldn't help but laugh a bit at his twin's predicament. "Aww, what's the matter Mabel? You not enjoying this game now that you're on the other end of the stick, huh? Maybe now you'll think twice before dishing out what you can't take."

"I'LL KIHIHIHILL YOU!!"

Wendy and Dipper both laughed at Mabel's dramatic outburst. Their teasing seemed to really be doing a number on her. Dipper made sure to remember that for later...

"Y'know what?" Wendy chimed in. "Maybe I'm being too nice...we really need to drill this lesson into her."

No sooner had the word left her mouth had the gentle gliding stopped, before Wendy's fingers began mercilessly drilling into the younger girl's hips and the frantic shrieking started up again.

"NAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA- STAAHAHAHA- STAHAP IHIHIT!!! NAHAHAHAA!!"

The absolute switch from zero to a hundred left the poor tween scrambling to form any sort of coherent words, completely unprepared for the sudden attack.

Dipper, being the good brother he is, had been keeping close watch on his sister's reactions during this entire ordeal. He had already guessed that Mabel wouldn't cope as well as he did being on the receiving end of their little game and although it felt good to finally get some revenge, the thought of pushing his twin past her limits worried him a bit.

So it was no surprise that he'd noticed the little hiccup Mabel's breath took as she was shocked with the sudden rougher tickling, and how she was struggling to accommodate for it through her frantic laughter.

With that, Dipper had motioned for Wendy to stop. The older teen had retracted her hands almost immediately, worried she'd gone to far until Dipper gave her a thumbs up along with a reassuring smile as the two of them waited for Mabel to catch her breath.

The girl kept her eyes squeezed shut as she gulped in air, refusing to look at either of them right now.

"Hah...you guhuhuys...are...evil." Mabel complained, which only earned her more chuckling from her tormenters.

"You still makin' it, squirt?" Wendy asked, ruffling her hair. "You looked like you were struggling there for a second."

Mabel scoffed, finally opening her eyes just to roll them at that last comment.

"Oh please! As if you guys would break me that easy! A little tickling isn't gonna make me curl up and die, I'm not Dipper after all!" She said as she shot a defiant grin up at her brother. One that definitely said that she'd get him back for this later.

Dipper and Wendy stared at one another, completely shook at the utter audacity of this bi-

"Wow. This really is her first time, huh?" Wendy asked as she cracked her knuckles.

"If it weren't obvious enough already, yeah." Dipper responded, adjusting his position on her upper arms. His expression was a lot less amused than the older girl's at that last jab. "Flip her over."

"Wait, what?!-" Mabel's smug grin was immediately replaced with confused panic as the two of them quickly flipped her over on her stomach faster than she could react.

"Hey!" Mabel protested as her thrashing picked back up once again and the other two struggled a bit to regain their grip on her.

Once they steadied themselves, Wendy shot her friend a questioning look, asking where they were going with this.

Dipper struggled a bit longer but eventually regained his footing even as his sister tried to bite him twice.

"Finally." Dipper sighed before acknowledging his friend's questioning look.

"Well okay, uh so...this is j-just a minor d-detail I've noticed a uh...a while back-it might not even be true, b-but I- uh- figured it'd be worth a shot..." Dipper struggled as he tried to cough out an explanation. Suddenly feeling very nervous about exposing this information to his crush.

"So uh...t-there's this one sp-spot I've noticed t-that is pretty...bad for uh- pretty much o-our whole family so I...I- uh- thought that-that might be something we could uh- t-try."

Wendy chuckled a bit to herself as she sat back and watched her friend stutter hopelessly through his word vomit. "Aaaaaand? What spot might that be, Dipper?" The redhead asked with a smug smile plastered on her face.

On the other hand, Mabel was a lot less amused by her twin's pathetic stuttering as a new wave of panic dawned on her when she realized exactly where Dipper was about to take this. And if this little hunch of his was right, and that this spot was even half as bad as it was for Dipper?...

Yeeeeah...Maybe that latest jab at her brother wasn't the brightest idea.

Mabel couldn't see her twin gesture towards the small of her back as she let out her own string of stutters that rivaled her brother's.

"W-Wait. Guys, c-come ohohon! P-Please? I was j-just joking around! L-Let's go do something else...I'm g-getting bored of this already..."

Mabel also couldn't see the truly evil grin Wendy flashed as she looked down at her once again.

"Oh, alright...if that's really the case then you can just apologize to Dipper for that little insult and for that cocky attitude of yours. That last one shouldn't be too hard, considering you've finally been defeated..."

"-AND you have to promise not to try to get either of us back after this!" Dipper made sure to add that little detail, more for his own sake than Wendy's as Mabel would surely go after him first.

But as always, Mabel's pride got the best of her...

"No way! Nuh-uh! Nada! You guys cheated and deserve whatever I- EEEEAAAAAAAA- AAAAAAHAHA-WAAAAAIT!!!- WAITWAITWAIT- NOHOHOHOHOOOO!!!"

"Welp, we tried." Wendy snickered as her fingers scribbled relentlessly on the tween's lower back.

Okay, yeah. Mabel definitely regretted that statement.

Oh gosh, it was so much worse than she thought...

Mabel had completely flipped out the second those fingers began wriggling on her back. Shocks of ticklish energy zipped throughout her entire body as her worst spot was tormented. The poor girl absolutely howled with laughter as she struggled harder than ever before to escape.

Her mind spun at the absolutely torturous feeling. The ruthless tickling left her brain to scrambled to even get a word out through her screeching fit, unable to apologize even if she wanted too.

Mabel wasn't sure how long this went on or when exactly she had been freed from the weight of her tormenters because the moment she regained consciousness, she found herself curled into a fetal position on the floor...

Dipper and Wendy groaned painfully as they sat up from the floor, where they had landed after Mabel had bucked and thrown them off during her struggle.

Mabel had survived a whole eleven seconds (Dipper counted) of back tickling before gaining some kind of god-like strength and was able to throw both of them off of her from sheer force of will.

"Hey...you ok?" Dipper asked as he made his way over to his twin.

"What...happened?" Mabel huffed.

"You LAUNCHED us dude!" Wendy laughed as she stood up and made her way to her friends. "Would never have guessed you had that kind of muscle in you! Girl doesn't know her own strength 'til being tickled to death, huh?" Wendy teased, giving her friend a playful punch to the arm. "You alright though?"

Mabel sat up as she regained her bearings. "Yeah...just uh...slightly traumatized." She said with the most shell-shocked expression she could muster, earning a laugh from the two on either side of her.

"Well, I guess this means that you've gained a bit of perspective and you'll go easier on us from now on, huh?" Dipper asked a bit hopefully.

Mabel slowly turned towards her brother. Fixing her gaze on him as she remembered he had betrayed her not once, but twice in the last half hour.

"Yeah. You'd like that wouldn't you?" Mabel said coldly before launching herself at her brother the second time that evening.

Dipper had barely managed to dodge as he scrambled off the floor. "W-Wait! Mabel we can talk about this!!"

And with that, yet another chase had broken out that evening. Wendy laughed to herself as she watched the two twins sprint frantically throughout the Mystery Shack, deciding to leave them to it before clocking out and going about the rest of her day.

A/N: Whew, okay I'm absolutely exhausted after this one and I'm not to sure if I stuck the landing or not. Either way, hope you enjoyed and lmk what you think!

[nenoname]

cat family (with wendy and ford being a bit of stretch)

+ dog coded soos moments

[non-plutonian-druid]

[ID: a comic about Voltron characters set in a Gravity Falls au.

Keith, outside the mystery shack, picks up a stick and throws it. A large canid runs after it.

Pidge, sitting inside and looking out the window, disturbed, asks "Is that a wolf."

Lance leans over her and says "This is why I keep telling you to investigate Keith."

Pidge shoves him away, saying "This again? Keith's not an alien, Lance."

Lance says "What? I'm serious!" Pidge looks unimpressed, and he adds "Not about the alien thing." He presses his face to the window and says "But he's so mysterious. Why's he so weird."

Pidge opens a can of soda and asks "How old are you?"

Lance, counting on his fingers, lists "1. Nobody knows where he lives."

Pidge interrupts, "I don't know where YOU live."

"You're just antisocial. Matt's been over," Lance tells her, and continues "2. Does he even work here."

Pidge hides her face in her soda and says "uh."

In flashback with a much simpler style, Pidge asks Coran "DOES Keith work at the Mystery Shack?"

Coran: Why, I couldn't say!

Pidge: One way to tell is if you pay him.

Coran: Oh yes, I suppose so!

Pidge: WELL?

In the present, Pidge continues, "I still haven't been able to figure that out."

Lance narrates a few one-panel scenes of Keith being weird. He says, "Remember that time Hunk found him in the woods at night?" Hunk, carrying a telescope and looking spooked, says "H-hey, dude." Keith appears to be dripping wet, is all in shadow, and has glowing eyes.

Lance continues, "And that time he robbed a convenience store?" Lance in the past spots Keith emerging from a store and says "Oh, hey Keith." A cashier says "Stop! Thief!"

Lance adds, "And that time-" before being cut off by Pidge, who waves her arms through the scene, dissolving it. She says "OK, OK, I see your point." Looking thoughtful and a bit evil, she continues, "We'll have to stalk him on his next day off..."

Lance, startled, says "I didn't say STALK!" End ID.]

For those of you who don't remember, which I imagine is everybody, i made a gravity falls au of voltron a while back! Pidge and Matt are Dipper and Mabel, Coran is Grunkle Stan and is actually a family friend of their parents and not their uncle, the rest of the paladins sans Allura are collectively Soos and Wendy, and I went with the name "Mystery Shack" for the building instead of Castle of Lions because Castle of Lions is too cool for a tourist trap.

The vld gravity falls au tag, which i haven't updated in one hundred thousand years and which i should get around to talking more about, especially because i have the entire main plot planned out and never talk about it

[dontjinxit18]

Is this still technically ‘A Human Condition’ by Sapphosscribe?

So I had a dream that Bill (Specifically ‘A Human Condition’) had to draw himself a a kid with both his parents. I don’t quite remember why, but he just had to. Wendy, Soos, and all the other characters that don’t know who he really is were there, so he had to draw him and his parents as humans. This is the picture that popped into my mind and I had to draw it the next morning. This has nothing to do with the actual plot so I have no clue if this still counts as fanart.

@sapphosscribe

[marzinstarz]

BoB WEBSITE CODE MASTERLIST:

COUNT -> 100

BOOK OF BILL

"Hide it under shirt during pledge of allegiance"

PINES

"A good family tree"

STANFORD PINES

His 18 y/o medical report

STANLEY PINES

Ebay page for brass knuckles

BABBA

Full recording of Dipper singing

WEIRDMAGEDDON

News article from after the fact

BILL CIPHER

Wikipedia page for 'triangle'

HECTORING

Church meeting recording

WADDLES

Pig adoption page

TRIANGLE

")"

"Tri harder"

MYSTERY SHACK

Google page for 'Confusion Hill'

GRAVITY FALLS

"Never heard of it"

DISNEY

"rat.gif censored for your protection"

T.J. ECKLEBURG

"Never mention that name again"

DEATH

"Life's goth cousin"

LIFE

"Life 72% complete. Now loading:  Death"

SKELETON

"The one with the sword! He found you!"

WENDY

A note from Wendy about warding off evil triangles

ROBBIE

Thompson and Robbie's messages about summoning bill

MONSTER

Google search for "THERES A MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK"

SOOS

Soos's message about life at the mystery shack

PINATA

A video of a bill cipher pinata getting beat up

MCGUCKET

Link to youtube video of "Rednex - Cotton Eye Joe"

MABEL

Adds stickers to the page until it reads "Lab now fully mabelised"

DIPPER

A note from bill telling Dipper to stare at the sun

TAD STRANGE

An oddly sexual video of bread

LOVE

A romance novel called "The Love Triangle" with an audio recording of the first chapter

CIPHER

Wikipedia page for "Eye of Providence"

TOBY DETERMINED

Google page for "Restraining order"

GIDEON

Google page for "Sweat resistant bolo ties"

QUESTION

"Answer"

MYSTERY

"?"

Any swear word

"Not S&P Approved" notice

PORTAL

"Portal.exe has been deleted. I bet you could build one"

GUN

"Oh yes oh yes they both"

SEASON 1

"Season -1: Antigravity falls"

SEASON 2

"Season 1"

SEASON 3

 "Season 2"

DEER TEETH

"For you, kid!"

BLIND EYE

A faux eye test page filled with codes that someone smarter than me need to decode

FILBRICK

"I'm not impressed"

BLENDIN

"Time agent lost and presumed incompetent"

JOURNAL 1

"The journal of fun"

JOURNAL 2

"The journal for you"

JOURNAL 3

"The journal for me"

ALEX HIRSCH

Google page for "Flannel"

GOD/FRILLIAM

Video of an axolotl swimming in front of a Bill statue

AXOLOTL

"You ask alotl questions"

WEIRD

A video of Weird Al stuck inside the computer

TITAN'S BLOOD

"Hoot. Hoot. Password please!"

BAAAA

A poem about a shepherd

SUCK IT MERLIN

Art labelled "The Bastard Triangle Cuts the Unicorns Hair" 1499

BABY

An ultrasound of baby Bill

MASON

Dipper's note to ford on anagrams

CRYPTOGRAM CODEX

Downloads a zip file containing fonts of codes and runes

I'M STILL ON YOUR MIND

A video of Stan and Ford on the Stan O' War II, with a colour block code

SORRY

The full image of Ford and Fiddleford at collage

FBI/CIA

Your webcam is on. We are watching."

DUCKTECTIVE

"Ducktective stars in 'Love, Quacktually' coming to 'Oi, it's the Cockney Channel innit?' this fall"

EVEN HIS LEGS ARE LIES

A note from Bill about Fords place as a perfect pawn

DIVORCE

"O' SADLEYS" Logo

SEVEN EYES

Image of the oracle with a warning on the back

R34LITY

Images of Bill and his henchmen in the real world, message reading "They found a new home"

BLANCHIN

Youtube tutorial on how to blanch vegetables

PACIFICA

A note from Pacifica about what a loser Bill is

PLATINUM PAZ

A story of how Bill tried to enlist Pacifica to steal the time rift before turning to Blendin

EUCLYDIA

"Dimension not found"

SCALENE/EUCLID

"Life form not found"

IRREGULAR

Bill's mug shots

LOVE YA BRO

Drawing of Stan catching a mermaid

XYLER

Youtube link to Jem and the Holograms theme

UNIVERSE

"Hologram"

HOLOGRAM

"Universe"

NOTHING

"Something"

SOMETHING

"Nothing"

HORROR

Urban legend story of the 'Always Garden' a restaurant you cant leave

MATPAT

A video of Matpat tell us were on our own T-T

ONE EYED KING

A hypnosis video with Bill audio convincing you to pledge your soul to him

CURSE WITTEBANE

A Bill Cipher ouija board

BURNSIDE

"Burned inside"

EVEN HIS LIES ARE LIES

A snippet of Bill's therapy sessions talking of what ford was to him

WELL WELL WELL BEING

"Patient file: Bill Cipher. Greatest love: Himself. Greatest fear: Himself"

"Art therapy notes: All he draws are red and blue triangles"

"Patient's odd phobias: 3D Glasses. Venetian blinds. TV static."

JUST FIT IN

An old game commercial for "Perfection" with a snippet of Bill's [?] voice at the end

TANTRUM

A transcript of a fight between Bill and the Time Baby, sheds light on Bill's crime against his home dimension

PAPER IS BOOK SKIN

Downloads a photoshop file full of skin layers

SKIBIDI/RIZZ

"Life privileges revoked. Now releasing poison gas."

DORITO

Creepy jump scare video

SCARY

A novel cover for "Spookemups" with and audio sniper of the story

GIFFANY

"Input deleted. AI Antiviral activated"

"Warning: Secondary firewall breached"

"Fatal warning. System under attack"

"Soos! I still love you! We will be together"

"Now downloading girlfriend. (This action cannot be undone)"

Then downloads a zip file full of link to Giffany gifs

BOOBERRY

A shockingly uplifting poem from Bill with a little image of him as a melting candle

Words that do not trigger the buzzer : BUBBLE, BUTTON, CLEAR, MUSIC

[t1rkb]

You ever wonder about the fact that when Dipper sacrifices for Mabel he can choose the selfish route and not do it and still be fine in Mabel's expense

Whereas when Mabel sacrifices for Dipper choosing the selfish route would not end well no matter what giving her only one choice in the matter that ends well for Dipper

Its the fact that he's resisting the temptation because despite benefitting no matter what, he'll choose the one where everyone he loves is happy

For Mabel its the fact that she will do the same for Dipper because she appreciates him, and she'll return that favor no matter what

Dipper is rewarded for sacrificing for Mabel, because Mabel will outright return the favor in the same episode

The Deep end doesnt count but its Mabel saving someones life so it gets a pass

Mabel doesnt get rewarded for sacrificing for dipper because she doesnt need to be, she's content with just dipper because he's always been there for her

there is no benefit for her in sock opera or WMG2 if she chooses to be selfish

there is benefit for dipper in time traveller's pig if he ever chose to be selfish

To expand more on the last part I put

For Dipper:

Time Travellers Pig: Dipper can choose to leave Mabel there and he'd get off scot free

Or fix the time line and Mabel will return the favor for him

The Deep end: Dipper can leave Mabel to save mermando herself and quit his job anyways because wendy gets fired

Or help Mabel save Mermando and wendy still gets fired

Weirdmageddon 2: Dipper can take the apprenticeship anyways and leave Mabel behind or grow up with Mabel being by eachothers side

Dipper has to resist being selfish and gets rewarded for doing the right thing.

For Mabel:

Sock Opera: Either she can sacrifice the play and everything she worked hard for or her brother stays possessed by Bill

Weirdmageddon 2: She can exile Dipper, Soos, and Wendy and live in mabelland but the world will end anyways or she can go with Dipper back home but He makes the decision to stay or not

Mabel asks for nothing in return other than her brother by her side.

[shmisky]

Me, after finishing watching Gravity Falls and seeing the Stan twins sailing away together: The beginning of a dream! 🙂😀😃😄😆

Me, after finishing your meta about how Ford just dragged Stan back to their extremely codependent dynamic and Stan never goes to therapy to get help to deal with his inferiority complex: Everything went wrong! 😟😩😫😣😭

OH NOOO 🥺 Poor anon!! I’m sorry!! 🫂

Is this you? shejdkj

I was going to just comfort you a bit but then it got somewhat long again (I’m HOPELESS 😭), so... Under the cut.

Perhaps it helps to know that, when I said things would inevitably blow up here, I didn’t mean that in an ominous, dark way! I read a looot of fanfic, and in fanfic, the point of conflict is the climax of the story!

So, basically, in my head I imagine that once Stan accidentally makes his inferiority complex/feelings of worthlessness very, very clear in the worst way and moment possible (sorry, I just don’t have much faith in the communication skills of those two 😔), Ford would absolutely, firmly, and sexily shower him with love 😏 Like in those fanfics in which he worships Stan’s body to help with his insecurity 😳

And you don’t have to subscribe to my interpretation, btw! Not even Alex’s! That’s the fun of fiction! If you want to imagine them as more wholesome and functional, of course you can! 💕

I happen to love the codependency/most toxic aspects! It’s SO juicy for me 🧃

This actually reminds me of many people’s expectations and reactions to the finale, with Stan accepting Ford’s broposal being a big surprise! I’ve seen before fans saying that they genuinely thought Stan would reject it, after all what he went through, or that it would’ve been way healthier for Stan if he had rejected it.

I agree that this could have been healthier for Stan, and even, perhaps, the more predictable ending...? I don’t remember what I thought because I was a kid way too invested in Dipper and Mabel and Bill to care much about the Stans back then. But I think that it would’ve been a pretty classic ending!

They could have leaned on the “found family” trope. That even if Stan isn’t with Ford, it’s okay. Blood isn’t everything. Stan realizes his true family was there all along, valuing and loving him: Mabel, Dipper, Soos, Wendy... (never mind the fact Mabel and Dipper are still his biological family 😅) He realizes it’s time to step out of Ford’s shadow and be his own person (especially after he saved everyone in Weirdmaggedon and proved himself), that it was wrong of him to cling to Ford so desperately, and it was time to... finally let go...

I can easily picture it: Ford invites Stan, hopeful, but Stan looks at the horizon as his hair is tousled by the wind. After all the adventures in the summer, Stan learned so much. Stan is wiser now. “Nah, Poindexter...” [says some deep stuff about never realizing how dependent he was on Ford] Ford hesitates for a moment, then smiles sadly but somewhat proud of his brother, says he understands, apologizes for taking so long to understand Stan’s value. He also learns his lesson, one very different but no less painful than the one Stan had to learn. About humbleness, the consequences of the choices you make, etc.

He then stays in Gravity Falls as the local authority on anomalies whose help people can always count on as the Author of the Journals, while Stan, Soos, and Wendy take care of the Mystery Shack. I think it would be too sad to make Ford sail away on his own in a show about the importance of family so they likely wouldn’t go there. Or would they...? Ford could just permanently assume his narrative role as the Author of the Journals and keep sending the kids’, especially Dipper, updates on his new findings. They show Dipper receiving one letter from Grunkle Stan, and one letter from Grunkle Ford, separately. Their relationship with the kids (the protagonists) ends up as more important than their relationship with each other.

I don’t know about you, anon, but I think we did get the happier ending 🥺

Yes, according to Alex, they are both so damaged that they desperately need each other. But according to this same Alex, Stan and his brother are meant to be a parable that show what can go wrong in a family relationship, but also show that, with hard work and sacrifice, the rift can be repaired.

Also, to be honest... I just pity Ford 🥺 His pitiable regretful peacock swag unfortunately works on me. I want them to stay together codependently and kiss codependently on the mouth!