#I ATE NUCLEAR BOMBS

[brodudemanbroski]

idk felt like trying out twenty different things in one image of the guy.

still trying to figure out how to colour in a new style so ignore it if it looks wonky, IM TRYING.

(ignore the “laugh” i had to edit it rq because i spelt it wrong somehow ???)

[click/tap for possibly better quality]

[lesbocringeglizzii]

dreamer oodles

[gps-yaps]

set a 1 minute timer and draw an osc character

Pretend it isn't sideways... anyway my cats were hissing while I was doing this so I had to rush, I could definitely do better dhhd

[abelykos]

Head cannon:

Logan would say the most out of pocket thing about him after knowing and remembering his past. He would also do it, just to mess with people; especially to people he doesn't like just to prove a point.

For example:

He talks about his time as a Canadian soldier and the war crimes he made.

" Logan, did you help create the G...?

It wasn't a war crime the first time. "

Or something like...

" Getting your skin burnt off by a nuclear bomb hurts more than a heartburn or a headache.

Logan WTF are you talking about?!"

Maybe even...

" I once played piano with Frank Sinatra and was a back up guitarist for a band in the 80's.

You know how to play the piano? "

He also creates new rumors about himself just by saying something random and no one would be able to fact check him.

" I once fought Teddy Roosevelt in the woods."

"I wouldn't recommend eating people."

" I helped create moonshine."

" Making that drug was an accident. "

" I ate a horse during the Great Depression."

" I helped film that movie."

" I fixed machines for NASA once."

The kids would probably ask Logan the weirdest questions about history or himself, which would also add to the rumors.

He's over 100 years old, imagine the stories, the lives he lived through.

The Wild West was probably his favorite era.

[magical-characters-tourney]

Magical Boy Tournament: Round 7 - FINALE!!!!

Entrant Propaganda

Qifrey

Wise man who teaches four girls magic and also deals with literally everything

Qifrey is too much of a warcrime babygirl

quifrey is also fruity with another man

qifrey is indeed a witch that does magic

a single mom who works two jobs who loves her kids and never stops

hes come so far!!! my sweetie pie my dilf of choice my problematic fav!!!!

VOTE QIFREY HES OUR BEST FRIEND FOREVER

Howl

He ate a star, which I think is more impressive than anyone else I've submitted. Including Howl in a magical boy tournament is like submitting a nuclear bomb to a middle school science fair

he's the most magical and most boy

howl is the guy ever

[corawithfanfiction]

I Should've Kissed You Longer I Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader

Episode 2

episode 1 - episode 3

summary: Steve is frozen in ice and unconscious in his hospital room. The only thing Y/N can do is wait for him to wake up from behind the glass.

warnings: loss, denial, uncertainty of death, amnesia, loss of memory, non-contact, obscurity, mourning, unconsciousness. Country agendas. bad language about countries, au wars between countries. The countries and wars mentioned in the story are fictional - they are not indicative of hatred for any nation.

Author Note: I know that a few chapters are short, but the first chapters are a bit short as I need to cut the story in logical places as the chapters will get longer and longer. According to the current plans, our story will be around 27-28 chapters, enjoy your reading.

(3756 words)

MY MASTERLIST! - EVENTS!

This is an original story and may not be copied or translated into another language without permission!

Friday, June 28 In the morning

We ruined everything, didn't we?

We were almost normal, except yo didn't come home once a month or so. Other than that, it was like a desk job, your comings and goings were fixed. I cooked when I came home, you came home and we ate together. Everything was almost perfect. We were laughing, having fun, entertaining guests. We were happy. Then the day came when you didn't come home again. You let me know with a message. And the next day it was the same. And the day after that… So I thought I should take the reins, so I went to Avenegers HQ. Things were a bit complicated, to be honest, but not too serious.

Yet, not too serious.

Cape Horn, what kind of idiot government would send its best agent, its best man, its best hero to stop something ridiculous happening on the other side of the world? That's what the United States of America's League of Idiots would do. Although, didn't they send thousands of troops to Afghanistan and Syria with the same logic? That's why I don't like politics, darling, the news channels drown me. But the reason America sent you there was revealed much later. It wasn't just a forgotten trading port. It was a makeshift headquarters capable of producing a thousand kilowatt nuclear bomb. The haters of America - in this case, the whole world except America - had built a power plant city more powerful than the most advanced power plants. It didn't take a genius to realize their goal: they were going to blow us up. England would set the place on fire because it had lost its native stock, and there would be a global catastrophe, both by radiation disasters and by the star team of England and France wreaking havoc.

Probably you would have stopped it, not because of this long chain of events. It was to prevent people from dying. It's very straightforward and clear.

I realized all of this in the twenty-second time frame after Tony summarized it to me. Then I contacted you without even listening to what Fury was saying.

I missed you. And then it was weird. You were in the middle of a plane full of bombs headed to Boston. You were controlling the plane. It turns out history really does repeat itself. We should have seen it coming again, right? And then here we are. Everything's ruined.

What's done is done, we could have done better, but it's done. Let's go back to the present. I passed out staring at the frosted glass. Tony probably slipped a sleeping pill in my last cup of coffee. I don't even want to bother beating him up. The glass is transparent, but this time they've put up a translucent curtain separating you and me. Probably in case I make a scene if I can't see you. Honestly, I don't care about them, I only care about you.

I have a stomach ache, I don't know why, it's like… I have a strange feeling, but I don't know, it's probably just a stomach ache. No, it's not hunger, Tony already said that.

Natasha came up to me, she laughed and said I looked awful, I should at least take a shower if I wanted to. I don't want to leave you here all alone, Steve. Even if there's someone else with you, how can I be sure you're not alone? What if he gets fucked and leaves? I can't leave you alone. I can't let you out of my sight. I wouldn't feel comfortable.

I told her I'd do it later, although I can see why she suggested it, I must look beyond awful, but like I said, you're my priority. Maybe Fury wants me out of here specifically. In any case, maybe to keep me strong, maybe because he's fed up and they can't intervene easily enough, but the only thing I know that can or is capable of keeping me strong is you. You, nothing else. You see, the only thing I can do now is to wait behind this glass and beat my knees thinking about our wasted time.

We should have made the most of it, darling.

I should have kissed you longer.

Y/N

my materialist

episode 1 - episode 3

TAG LIST:

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[ailelie]

GLORIA:  Everyone. Everyone, can I have your attention? I know this is a strange day for you, I appreciate you showing up at all… So… On my home planet there’s this thing called Top Ramen. It’s dried noodles and a packet of flavoring. It’s not very good for you but it’s food. And you can get them for 50 cents each. That’s not a lot where I’m from. I never ate it all that much myself, but it was always nice knowing it was there. You knew you were never going to starve because of a cheap package of dried noodles always waiting for you at any store. It’s nice.

What a lot of people don’t know is that the reason  why there’s dirt cheap noodles at any store, is because one day, a long time ago, two nuclear bombs  were detonated on an island called Japan. Thousands of people died in an instant, and in the aftermath thousands more were going to die of sickness and starvation. But one man had an idea to send bricks of dried noodles with a packet of flavoring to anyone who was hungry. They knew they weren’t going to starve. On the island of Jamaica they cook chicken in a way that doesn’t make any smoke. They do that because a long time ago, they were slaves, and the smoke would’ve alerted slavers and they  would then be running for their lives. Zebulon, why do Jewish people eat unleavened bread?

ZEBULON: Because they too were slaves. When word came from Moses that it was time to flee captivity in the night, they had no time to wait for their bread to rise. So to this day, the flat bread is a reminder of that flight from their oppressor.

GLORIA: For me, when I cook with corn, beans, and squash, it’s called the tres hermanas. The same way my ancestors cooked thousands of years ago. My ancestors who were nearly wiped out by foreign invaders… Show me your plate, and I’ll tell you a sad, sad story. Your sad story begins today. The day you had to turn to the spirits of your ancestors to keep you alive while you were just trying to do the right thing, and leave a better life for your children. I can’t make you eat this food. It’s your story, not mine. So Zebulon’s going to say a prayer, and then you’re all going to make a choice. It’s up to you.

ZEBULON: Bless us, O Lord. Bless our food and our drink. Since you redeemed us so dearly and delivered us from evil, as you gave us a share in this food so  may you give us a share in eternal life.

[mooneltwo]

Yeah it’s toxic yaoi cannibalism hours

Stuff about the au below

-Basically the world was struck in a conflict and the US specifically was nuclear bombed to smitherins, mutating every citizen inside into some horrid beast save for Coby and Luffy, who unfortunately become immortal.

-The whole world outside of the US is thriving here in this au and Luffy and Coby don’t know because the other countries blocked the land mass of what was left of the US

(I really just wanted the USA gone for this au)

Plot:

Coby and Luffy met when they were just trying to survive on their own and managed to encounter eacch other. They fought off mutated monsters and was somehow immune to radiation, but eventually they starved and ended up in a scuffle where Luffy won and ate Coby out of pure desperation.

But after awhile of Luffy eating the corpse, Coby came back to life (somehow) and attacked Luffy back furiously cutting him up for killing him. But Since Coby came back to Life, Luffy did too.

So at the end they sat there realizing they could just kill and eat eachhother off everytime they start to starve.

[brightvelvet]

Hot take: Fallout on Amazon Prime has such a malewife driven narrative.

I look at this show and all I can think of now is MALEWIFE. Like, Ghoul/Cooper Howard? You Know he ate pussy on the regular. There's no other explanation for how Barb and him stayed together for so long and Cooper never considered how, at least after the war, Barb had become a very different person. SEX WAS THAT GOOD!!!! He's just too busy, sorry ma'am. **SPOILER** And the scene where he overhears Barb talking about dropping nuclear bombs on civilians??? Man wears a look of devastation, no, HEARTBREAK like it's his fucking job. That's his world breaking, dude.

And Maximus-- dude's got no idea what he's doing. No idea and Yet. His world revolves around Lucy. And that's all he needs to know. Yeah he's doing stuff on the side, learning about how power corrupts and what leadership means, but my man's always has one eye on Lucy. **SPOILER**He gets a taste of the softer life he never realized he wanted, accepted he would have to join a cult (Lucy was there), promptly hauled ass to save Lucy, and most damningly gave up the single object of power he spent episodes fighting to keep on her wish. Idk if their actors talked.. but both him and Cooper have that same pining hound dog look for women who don't rly look at them the same way.

Chet's an obvious one... don't need to elaborate on his sheer Desperation for the role of a malewife, Lee Moldaver is not a malewife but HAS absolutely gone down on a vagina like a Champ. I will finish on this.

Hot take: if all the bad guys in Fallout were interviewed on what makes sex good, none of them would say anything remotely close to the act of cunnilingus. ALSO none of them have ever eaten a pussy out.

[sparkoflena]

An elaboration on my Kryptonians & Pain Tolerance post

(TLDR: DC doesn't care that much about any character but what we do know aligns with the need to question Kryptonian invulnerability)

- When I (and others) mention Kryptonian pain tolerance, I am not asking about the big things. I am asking about the inconvenience of pain (like how some people can still function with cramps like it's nothing or how working out is generally considered "good pain"). Pain tolerance beyond Almost Down For The Count versus Ooo That Bullet Felt Like A Tiny Pinch is generally the question there. Basically: Pain tolerance is a spectrum and I refuse to believe it being all or nothing just because the character happens to be an alien. (Obviously, this is stated as an exaggeration because it is touched upon in the comics but not far enough for a solid answer)

- Most Important Point: The joke "DC means Disregard Canon" is most often referencing the fact that there is limited consistency in DC comics.

- Superman's lack of consistency IS with his pain tolerance. He has some comics where a nuclear bomb doesn't even scratch him (...Kingdom Come?? I'm fairly certain that's the right series/run but I don't feel like looking it up right now. If somebody pulls the "that's an alternate universe" on me I am going to scream because Alternate Universe ≠ Different Powerset unless otherwise stated) and some comics where a nuclear bomb heavily weakens him (New 52)

- Furthermore via bomb: Clark has (in a show) swallowed a nuclear bomb to contain an explosion. Conner once ate the chemicals to create a nuclear explosion in his stomach and is basically a dragon spouting fire for the rest of the comic. Different characters (half human versus full alien) but still relevant because they are not explained.

- Kal-El describes what he feels as "pressure" rather than pain. Whether it's akin to getting hit with a pillow or being slapped across the face is unclear, but the point is that HE wouldn't know the difference. This is mostly the depiction that I personally imagine unless the writer tells me otherwise (which many do not bother to do)

- Most Kryptonians are described as having so much extra energy shoved into each cell that it creates the ("basically") impenetrable barrier. This also goes the other way in many comics - mostly in Kon-El's, where he uses tactile telekinesis often - because an overuse of that energy is also weakening but is easily replenished via breaks and the power of the (yellow) sun. Which means their biggest enemies aren't even necessarily their big enemies (like Lex Luthor) but each other (ie Superboy versus Superboy Prime).

- Obviously there are plenty of Kryptonian weaknesses from the various versions of Kryptonite to Red Solar Radiation to Extreme Pressure to Magic to Mind Control etc etc etc. The Phantom Zone once eliminated Jor-El's powers - while not quite used as a weakness in the comics - is still possibly relevant if ever remembered. There would obviously be no story if these characters were 100% invulnerable. My point is that it applies differently enough that it would be fascinating to study.

- Being said, even Kryptonite isn't consistent across stories either. In Silver Age comics, Clark exposes himself to Kryptonite over time to develop a (small) immunity. Whereas in All Star Superman he goes "I guess I've just discovered I'm immune now" which is yada yadaed away because he's reaching his end of days anyway. Kon-El once met a double cloned version of himself and that character had different vulnerability to Kryptonite than he did.

- Bonus is that Kryptonians are thrown against buildings all of the freaking time (...what are the insurance rates on buildings in Metropolis? National City? These are the real questions here). Which means they can be shoved by non-Kryptonite means. Most of the time, it doesn't seem to hurt. Does it feel like being shoved into a softer bed or against a firm wall? Do they get a minor headache from this? Do they go "Oh great a breather moment" ??

- And unimportant to the silliness of the original post but still relevant - Kon-El did have a time prior to his full powers kicking in where he was weaker to everything than his other Kryptonian counterparts. This is in large part due to the half-human in him (meaning it also applies to Jon-El), which would apply differently than a full Kryptonian like Clark or Kara (which is mentioned within the post). Which, honestly, is more fascinating to study. I, however, cannot science my way through characters because they are unfortunately fictional. So I must make the sciencey characters do it for me via humorous Tumblr posts haha

- Lastly: It is not a criticism of Kryptonian heroes to question their pain tolerance (especially because there is no real answer given that it changes between authors). If I wanted a superhero who hurt when getting punched, then I would go to one of the many human heroes. The fascination with Superman as a hero is that he is an alien with humanity. I expect Kryptonians to be different and they are. I am aware that there are weaknesses, especially beyond kryptonite. As there is never truly a human versus Kryptonian pain comparison given in the comics, we will never truly know the pain tolerance of Kryptonians versus their human hero allies. That is fine. Being a superhero fan is in all fun anyway

[membrane-attack-complex]

i thought this would be funny

rb for bigger sample size

yada yada

to clarify fascism is just what you think fascism would taste like. not like actual fascism. wow i couldve phrased that better

[jessilynallendilla]

So I just read Danny Phantom: A Glitch in Time and...it was ok

Had this come out when I was a kid and just watched Ultimate Enemy I would have gone absolutely feral over it

this show came out in 2004 so not quite sure how to feel about the updated technology IMO it would have been cool to have a time capsule of the show than the common floating timeline you see in comics

unlike with DC graphic novels you can tell the person that wrote this is actually a fan of the show and not a rando corporate pick the plot is plausible and the characters stay in character

A loyal tribute that brings in new lore and character growth

it also retcons the hated movie Phantom Planet

And it leaves enough to be curious for the sequel

People either seem to love it saying it's a good continuation the more serious take they wanted or hate it saying they're tired of villains being complex and redeemable and not pure evil anymore and the plot seems too much like tumblr fanfiction

I made notes as a read it so spoilers under the cut

Dash Kwan Paulina and Star are ghost hunters 

Tucker has instagram/twitter “Spectregram” fans 

The Fentons supply the town’s ghost hunting tech unasked 

Tucker’s wiki “click-a-pedia" has him listed as married to Ember 

Danny and Jazz just accept their father is such a bungler he can’t even kill a guy by abandoning him in space 

Dan was strong enough to dent the only thing that can contain him and just it being knocked off a shelf was enough for him to break out (why Clockwork the Master of Time never foresaw this happening moved it from a table to a more secure location ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ) 

So uh... Dan just absorbed “ate” Clockwork  

Ecto energy can reach atomic bomb levels so dimension ending threat there 

Since the Disasteroid his powers have been fading their theories match their personalities Tucker-science Sam-government Jazz-trauma  

“Do you have any childhood trauma you wanna talk about?” (like Jazz as if you weren’t there) 

Vlad found a primordial source of ecto energy and just kept that information to himself for a rainy day 

Jazz has a magical girl transformation for her ghost fighting suit 

Vlad is just “ignore those clones” (there in clothes so did Vlad just buy multiple copies of Danny’s favorite outfit how did he know his size) 

Vlad is such an old man who doesn’t know how to use modern computers 

“not a place of honor” ah the nuclear waste warning (we don’t really get much more exploration of this or the seven ancients) 

Sam is a horse girl 

Valerie still holding that grudge huh 

In Pariah’s Keep Danny is suffers from bad memories and holds Sam’s hand to comfort himself 

The Keep is Fright Knight’s domain  

Danny just forgets humans are the ghosts in the Ghost Zone (in line with how often he forgets what powers he has) 

Fright Knight calls Pariah his master 

Vlad is such a loser he keeps getting his shit kicked 

Maddie “That’s not my Danny.” 

The Ghost Zone and human world were split in half an unnatural divide 

Danny is still a C student (io don't think he's going to be an astronaut)

Ghosts are manifestations of human emotions not separate entities (take that Fartman) 

Eventually they start to lose their human identity it’s why some are less human 

Vlad has his own “Where’s the rest of it?” meme 

They figured out all ghosts run on some emotional drive or purpose  

Danny realizes his purpose is protection but now there’s no longer the monster of the week threat or his parents he never asked himself what he wanted 

Now instead of constant fighting he’ll help the ghost achieve their desires they just want to keep doing in death what they did in life and heal the rift 

Fight for control Clockwork 

Vlad finally grew as a person realizing it was his action and drive for power that drew everyone away and has making amends as his new purpose 

Dan just doesn’t want to be alone (makes sense the “no more painful human emotions” +Vlad’s anger and abandonment issues so he’s all the emotions and pain) 

Dan is destabilizing flashing back to his pre Dark child form because he’s a being outside his destroyed timeline  

Danny is the GOAT 

Clockwork needs to fix what he can of the time streams and Danny has two choices Post Disasteroid+no powers or Pre Disasteroid+powers  

Danny gives up being accepted so he can fix the realms “I’m Danny Phantom, proctor of humans and ghosts!” 

They are back to being invisible losers and Sam is just happy goths aren’t popular anymore 

The city doesn’t know how they avoided the Disasteroid but the Mayor declares ghosts are responsible for everything the city will now have a branch of ghost hunters and Danny Phantom is again public enemy #1 

Clockwork transfers Dan from Vlad into one of the empty clones he’s Vlad’s responsibility now he’ll be too busy to help again 

Clockwork’s powers are finite (so he isn’t omnipotent and all powerful) but he still feels something wrong in the stitches he feels weaker now 

And Valerie has a Time Medallion and is pissed (but there was a Valerie in the crowd at the Mayor’s speech so the two Valeries might meet up in the sequel)  

Jazz is ecstatic she was right about ghosts being emotions based  

[ghostofasecretary]

i've gotta get back aboard the Wanting Things train soon and i fucking do not waaaaant to doooo thaaaaaaaaat :(

i feel like kicking my legs and fists into the bed in classic tantrum mode actually!!

i want to do the work, just please let me do the woooooork without all the Bull Shit (application fees, separate funding applications, talking to people)

i'm so scared of getting another interview and bombing it

and it's not that i'm not better at some stuff than i was in my first round of PhD apps, but i've been Out Of It for a while and also i didn't get to DO an MA because of MONEY, my BELOATHED

so i feel out of the academic loop and behind and ashamed of turning in papers i wrote 3 years ago like "i promise i still have ~potential~"

and it's. embarassing? which feels very silly. life doesn't go according to plan! every reasonable person knows that! but it still feels like not being where i want to be is a stain on me and a reflection of my, like, poor planning and misplaced optimism

(and i was mostly just following the advice i was given by my mentors! so! what the fuck!)

i am really so profoundly sad i'm not doing an MA right now and it also feels like i don't have time to be sad, like, i have to get a job and go apply for grad school and that's enough energy already

but i am. really sad. i'm good at the very narrow world of being in classes and reading classical languages and writing papers! i miss that world!! it makes me mentally ill in a way that feels virtuous and worthwhile as opposed to my default state of mentally ill, where i worry about all the same things with no basis and no relief valve

and it would be super cool if applications were a one and done deal but they sure are not, because they all have different timelines on getting back to you and also some of them have Interviews (My Beloathed) and waitlists and, again, separate funding whatever

and waiting to hear if people liked you(r application) is AWFUL, it's like if the worst parts of dating (asking someone out and breaking up) keep happening for MONTHS because your (potential) partner is on the goddamn moon or something

oh and also you're asking a bunch of random adults who vaguely like you to advertise your character and accomplishments for you. as that's going on.

i wish things had worked out for me the way 2/3 recommenders were so confident they would, where i'd just...have gone straight from undergrad to a PhD and then a teaching job and been great at it forever with no problems

and they didn't! and it's not my fault they didn't, but oh boy did i feel like that

and then proceed to never ever address that feeling because. uh. Why Would I Do That

instead, like, almost all of my nuclear family members had health crises at the same time and then i started my first full time job and then i got discriminated against at my job and then my grandparents BOTH got cancer and then i got a lawyer involved and then i quit my job in one of the worst mental states i've ever been in

and then i haunted my own life for a bit. and applied for grad schools, which went fine aside from the funding. and that ate months

(and i took a class, and i learned how to do stuff i've wanted to do since i was 12, but that's not relevant to the misery narrative)

and then i gave up on grad school this cycle and got a shitty job and saved money and moved. and here i am! ready to faceplant on the treadmill of wanting things, yet again!

and like. even if i get what i want right now i could still fail out. i could still fuck up. i could find that actually i hate teaching (despite liking it in the contexts i've already done it). my health could fail catastrophically. or, y'know, the job market is garbage and maybe in 4-7 years i'll be applying for jobs everyone thinks i'll get that i do not get, and i have to figure something else out AGAIN because i didn't get what i wanted, again

but if i never try i'll never know.

and there is a chance--a tiny, tiny, absurdly small chance--that in a decade i'll have some nice publications and a dissertation other people liked and a teaching job and more friends and maybe some partners, maybe not, but people and the work i love doing.

and maybe if i believe in myself, if i suck it up and learn with humility and write with respect and passion and dare to be ambitious and kill my anxiety about looking stupid or saying the wrong thing to an Academic Contact and just treat older colleagues like people (more experienced, yes, cool as hell for sure, but just people), i'll get to have that future where things are hard but i'm making meaning and helping other people learn cool stuff too.

...choosing to chase that chance feels REALLY BAD, THOUGH

i'll fucking do it but gods above.

[nonamehorse]

How do I explain to my butch himbo lesbian girlfriend (with a car engine instead of a heart) that the grandad of my sidehoe wizard nuclear bomb told him that his god/ex girlfriend wants him commit suicide??

Mostly pissed off because the grandad ate all the good cheese tbh

[sephirthoughts]

Father: Verb

Summary: 11 year-old WMD Sephiroth is assigned a new handler/bodyguard, named Vincent Valentine.

(chapter 1 linked at bottom)

Chapter 2: Fried Chicken Family Dinner

******WARNING: REFERENCED TORTURE, CHILD ABUSE, ATTEMPTED SUICIDE******

******WARNING: HOJO******

Vincent didn’t come that morning. It was for the best, though, since Sephiroth had to go see the old professor, today. It was a regular part of his routine, but he had an instinctive desire to hide this specific thing from Vincent.

More than anything, he couldn’t bear the thought of Vincent seeing him, like that; a screaming, blubbering mess, drooling and stupid, strapped down to stop him clawing at his own body. Sometimes he vomited or pissed himself from the pain. He’d die of humiliation, if Vincent saw any of that.

He heard people talk enviously about his superior strength and his healing abilities, but a lot of times, he wished he didn’t have them. If he didn’t, maybe he wouldn’t have to keep going to the old professor to have these awful tests done on him, all the time. His one consolation was that they said he was getting stronger. He controlled himself better, every time, and he screamed a lot less than he used to. Most times he didn’t even lose consciousness.

This, however, was not one of those times. The old professor was abnormally strident, today, even for him, and when they wheeled Sephiroth back to his rooms, that evening, he was half catatonic, lying on the gurney, staring into oblivion, his green eyes glowing like fireflies, from the mako saturation.

His healing factor was frankly dizzying, however, and the chemical burns had completely faded from his ivory skin, before he even left the lab. By the time they got him to his quarters, his broken limbs had mostly healed.

When Vincent arrived, early the next morning, Sephiroth was as good as new, and there was no sign whatsoever that he’d been injured, at all. Vincent, however, had dark circles under his scarlet eyes, and was even more deathly-pale than usual.

“What’s the matter, Vincent, are you ill?” the boy asked, when he stepped in the door.

“I don’t get sick,” Vincent said curtly, which was how he said most things, and to which tone Sephiroth took no offense. “I had…trouble sleeping.”

“I don’t get sick, either. But I do have trouble sleeping. You should tell them to give you sedatives. They help a lot.”

“How was training yesterday? What did you do?”

Had my arms and legs crushed in a hydraulic press, my skin burned with caustic chemicals, got nearly drowned in a tank of mako, over and over, and was electrocuted until I vomited blood and passed out.

“Nothing special. Where were you?”

“Other assignment.”

The boy’s silver brows lowered. “You’re not bodyguarding someone else, are you? Because I forbid it. I won’t have your attention divided.”

“I’m not guarding anyone else, don’t act like a jealous wife,” Vincent replied, pointing to the door. “Breakfast. Move it.”

After Vincent became his handler, Sephiroth was given autonomy regarding his meals, and he chose to abjure the nutritional pastes, despite their efficiency, and eat in the dining hall, where everyone else ate. He had also refused the officers’ privilege of skipping ahead, and so the oddly matched pair became a common sight in the dining facility line.

People smiled behind their sleeves, to see the tiny, silver-haired nuclear bomb chatting blithely to his tall, black-haired, vampiric protector, as they waited in line, along with the rank and file, carrying trays, as if they were regular people.

An unintentional consequence of this, was that Sephiroth’s example shamed the other officers out of exercising that privilege, as well, and doing so immediately fell out of vogue within the upper ranks (except among the senior researchers, who only cared about getting nourishment as quickly as possible and getting back to work).

“Vincent, you’ve introduced me to so many good foods. Why don’t you eat?” Sephiroth asked, as he scooped up a forkful of fluffy, yellow scrambled eggs.

Vincent had a full tray of food in front of him, as well, but as per their usual, he would consume nothing, and Sephiroth would eagerly devour both their meals.

“No digestive system,” Vincent answered evenly. “At least, not a human one.”

“Mm,” Sephiroth nodded, when he’d finished chewing and swallowing. “I wondered if that were the case. You don’t have a heartbeat, either.”

“No heart to beat. I suppose you could say, I’m not even really alive.”

“Yes, you are,” Sephiroth contended, staunchly. “You don’t need a heart to be alive. Plenty of things live without hearts.”

“Like what?”

“Jellyfish, sea cucumbers, starfish, flatworms.”

Vincent’s shoulders slumped. “So…you think of me as a flatworm.”

“Well, not exactly. There’s some kind of materia in your body. Flatworms don’t have that.”

“Materia,” Vincent frowned. “How did you know about that?”

“I just know. I can sense its power all over you,” Sephiroth shrugged, without looking up. He was in the process of cutting his stack of pancakes into perfectly even twelfths.

“You just know? No one told you anything about me?”

“I haven’t asked. I would like to know what happened to you. But I thought you would rather tell me, than have me hear about it from someone else.”

“I did this to myself. There’s nothing to tell.”

Sephiroth’s eyes widened. “How could you do that to yourself? Destroying your major organs and replacing your heart with materia, would be—”

“I said, there’s nothing to tell!” Vincent snarled, his crimson eyes flashing a warning gold. “You are never to ask me about this again, understood?”

“U—understood,” Sephiroth faltered, taken aback by the perpetually mild-mannered Vincent’s abrupt shift in mood.

Just as quickly as it had risen, however, the storm passed. Vincent crossed his arms and receded into his cloak, till almost none of his face was visible. “No more talking. Eat our breakfasts. We have a lot of work to do, today.”

In the training yard, Sephiroth was practicing a new set of highly technical sword forms, that he’d devised himself. Vincent watched from the sidelines, with his arms still crossed under his cloak, so the boy couldn’t see his hands shaking.

Touching so close to that subject had terrified him so much, he almost swore he could feel the heart he did not have pounding in his disfigured chest. But he hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t broken the agreement. The old bastard wouldn’t call foul, just because the boy asked a question, would he?

No. He wouldn’t want to terminate their deal. Not yet. Vincent wasn’t fool enough to trust that sick psychopath, of course, but the man had some purpose of his own, in sending Vincent to take over Sephiroth’s care. That much was clear. Otherwise, he’d never have got within shouting distance of Lucrecia’s child.

Walking on tenterhooks around the subject of their complicated relationship to one another was a small price to pay, for being allowed to be close to the boy. This, after all, was the only way he’d be able to do what he had to do. The only way to gain absolution for Lucrecia. By cutting off this poisoned vine at the root. By killing her son.

As if he sensed the killing intent directed at him, the boy turned and looked at Vincent, across the training yard. His silver hair was hanging about his face, and his sword was pointed at the ground. For the briefest moment, an image of Sephiroth standing in this same pose, amidst a sea of flames, flashed across Vincent’s vision.

When he blinked, it was gone. The little boy was smiling at him, guileless and trusting. Proud of the skill he’d been demonstrating, and seeking approval from his mentor.

Vincent gave a slight nod of acknowledgement. It wasn’t much, but even that was enough to fuel Sephiroth for days. The child was so starved for human warmth, that the smallest word or gesture of kindness, or even the slightest affectionate touch, lit him up like a firework.

That was the worst part. His sweetness and vulnerability—his absolute innocence, contrasted with his superior intelligence, only made this all the more difficult. He was disarming and enchanting, and made one want to open their heart and let him crawl inside. The child may be an abomination, but even Vincent was not immune to his allure. A fallen angel was an angel, nonetheless.

Sephiroth was simply a different kind of being, to the rest of humanity. He was beautiful in a way that other people could never be. He was gentle and quiet, but as strong and sharp as steel. He was uncertain and self-conscious, but anyone who came close to him, he drew in and captivated, until they desired nothing more than to do anything and everything they could for him.

And his magnetism would only grow, as he got older and came into his own. An adult Sephiroth, at the height of his charisma and power, would be…a force of nature.

But right now, he was just a little boy in a cage. And the person he looked up to most was planning to slaughter him like an unblemished lamb, and make him a sacrifice, by whose blood the sins of his fathers would be washed clean.

When he thought of killing Lucrecia’s child, Vincent wanted to put Cerberus in his own mouth and pull the trigger. Not that it would do any good. He’d tried taking the quick and dirty way out, before, only to find that Chaos wouldn’t allow him to die.

Since he couldn’t atone with his own death, he must at least offer up those of the two others, in this thicket of thorns. He must rid the world of the monster they’d created, before it destroyed everything in its path, and turned the planet into a hell of fire and ash.

She had spoken to him, in that long darkness, and this was her wish. Hojo, the sinner. Sephiroth, the sin. Both must die, so the many may live.

He took his hand off the weapon in his holster. Not yet. Let him have a little more time. Just a little longer. Then, when the time did come, he would not waver. This was Lucrecia’s will, and Vincent must be her blade. It was the least he could do, for the one he’d failed so utterly.

Wasn’t it?

“Vincent, do you know what I want to eat for supper?” Sephiroth said, as they walked back toward his quarters.

“Spaghetti,” Vincent hazarded.

“Wrong! Tonight, I want to try something new. I want fried chicken.”

“Fried chicken. That shouldn’t be too difficult for the kitchen to make.”

“But I don’t want it from the kitchen. I heard some people talking about a place called an inn, in Nibelheim, where they make the best fried chicken in the world, or so they claim. I want to eat fried chicken from that place.”

Vincent balked. “You…want to leave the manor?”

“It’s close by, in the town. We won’t even have to take a transport. We can just walk.”

“Have you ever left the manor, before?”

“Well. No. But I’ve been looking at the town from the windows, my whole life, and I’ve never been there. Now that you’re here, I thought they might let me, if I go with you.”

“Sephiroth, this…this is not going to be an easy thing to get approved. You’re Shinra’s most valuable asset.” It also meant he’d have to speak to that person, but he did not say that aloud.

Sephiroth took Vincent’s big hand in both of his and tugged on it, looking up at him imploringly, with his large, long-lashed eyes. “Please, Vincent? Please, just ask? For me?”

Several minutes later, in one of the many top-secret areas, in the sub-basement of Shinra manor:

A dry, cackling laugh rang out, over the towers of bizarre lab equipment. “So, you want to take the boy to town, do you? Give the dog an inch and it wants a mile, eh?”

“It’s for one meal,” Vincent said icily. “Sephiroth has a right to experience normal things, like other children experience.”

“A right? He has no rights! He is an asset! An asset that belongs to me!”

Vincent crossed his arms. “Don’t you mean Shinra?”

“Yes, yes, of course,” the professor said, waving his hand dismissively. “I don’t have time for nonsense, so don’t come in here annoying me with these petty little things, anymore. Take the asset wherever you want to take him. Only, remember the leash I’ve got you on. And what happens, if you decide to try anything foolish.”

“How could I forget,” Vincent said, under his breath, as he turned and swept out of the room.

When he was gone, that deranged cackle rang out again, only this time it was uglier and even more gleeful. “Yes, take the boy out for treats, you stupid, dead dog. Sweeten him up. Make him like you. Make him trust you. All the better to teach him a lesson, about where he places his trust.”

When the two stepped out of the front gate of Shinra Manor, it occurred to Vincent that this was the first time either of them had left the place, in more than eleven years. It felt like less of a big deal than he would’ve expected. Nothing had changed, much.

As they entered the town, Sephiroth grabbed his hand, almost reflexively. Vincent’s nonexistent heart shattered into even more pieces. He glanced down at the boy, who was looking about, wide-eyed, at everything. Did he really have to kill this child? Was there no other way to avert the terrible fate she foresaw?

Nibelheim was a backwater nothing of a place, but Sephiroth had never been anywhere, so of course it was novel and exciting to him. Much like the very mundane foods he was constantly delighted by. The people he’d overheard talking hadn’t specified which inn, but the town had exactly one, so it wasn’t as if they could pick wrong.

To their discomfiture, the innkeeper and his staff appeared to have been waiting for them, and greeted them exuberantly as they entered the place. Sephiroth’s grip on Vincent’s hand tightened, but he had his placid, self-defense smile fixed on his pretty face, and no one would’ve suspected for a moment that his little hand was shaking.

“You’re the Shinra agent, right?” the innkeeper said, waving them in. “Manor called down a little while ago, said you’d be comin’ in. We’ve got a table all ready for you. Ah, this must be your son! Good lookin’ lad. Strong family resemblance, there, no mistake. Millie! Get out here and meet the gentleman from Shinra and his boy!”

Vincent was too dumbstruck to refute the man’s assumption, and Sephiroth just kept smiling and clutching his hand more tightly. Rather than correct the error, Vincent decided to let it slide and greet the innkeeper’s wife politely, in order to get this over with as quickly as possible.

She came out, drying her hands on an apron, cooed over Sephiroth’s prettiness and made more remarks to the effect of him strongly resembling his handsome father, and at long last, they were led to a table.

“Those people think I’m your son. They even said I look like you,” Sephiroth said, in an undertone, when the innkeeper and his wife had finally gone away, to let them look over the menus. “Do we really look so much alike?”

Vincent shook his head. “I think it’s just that I was holding your hand, and you’re the right age to be m—ahem—my…my son.”

“You can’t be more than twenty-five, though. I’m almost twelve,” Sephiroth pointed out. “How young do people breed, in this region?”

“Ah. Ha. I’m a little older than I look.”

“How old are you?”

“Thirty-nine. I was twenty-seven, when my body died. That’s why I look that age, still.”

“You died around the same time I was born,” Sephiroth said musingly. “What a strange—oh! I found it. I want this. The fried chicken family dinner.”

Vincent looked at the menu, where the boy was pointing. “It says it feeds a family of four. Hm. That might actually be enough food, for you.”

THE AUTHOR HAS SOMETHING TO SAY:

vincent: i can totally kill this child nbd

vincent: A SLIGHTLY SCARY SOCIAL SITUATION? HIDE BEHIND ME MY SON, DADDY WILL PROTECT YOU

link to ch 1

link to ao3

[magical-characters-tourney]

Magical Boy Tournament: Round 6

Entrant Propaganda:

Syaoran Li

syaoran on the other hand is my fave baby bi

His growth is very well done. He gets an emotional intelligence by clear card that's rare in anime boys

vote Syaoran he is in fact canonically bi and it blew my mind when i was 7 okay

plus he's really sweet and cute and he has an amazing character development through the series, and we talk shit about Touya picking up fights with a middle schooler all the time (as he deserves) but we need to talk more about the middle schooler who's totally ready to square up and steal his boyfriend... before dating his sister.

like he's the most Guy ever i love him so much.

Syaoran's one of THE og magical boys and one of the more competent ones too.

Syaoron didnt get dressed up as Sleeping Beauty in the school play to lose

syaoran is such a funny little guy. he is introduced and then he crushes on the same character as the mc bisexually and hes just so funny

he's green

Howl

He ate a star, which I think is more impressive than anyone else I've submitted.

Including Howl in a magical boy tournament is like submitting a nuclear bomb to a middle school science fair

he's the most magical and most boy

howl is the guy ever