#I ANALYSED HIM

[kikithecoconut]

as much as tartatos as an arc traumatises me this is my favourite point to look back on laxus as a character because everything starts in magnolia

a few arcs ago he literally had all of magnolia at gunpoint (thunder point????) he was going to kill every person in the city (doubtful/j)

now at the beginning of tartaros he is willing to die for it . like the anti magic particles. he was ready to die for magnolia and his family and. god i love him

[maskerat]

yes, I've watched the video. now this man is my new hyperfixation. expect more art of him soon I suppose.

[asgardian--angels]

there's meta to be had about just how much of viktor's arc is about loneliness and the blatant visuals they use in his evolution about metamorphosis, butterflies, cocoons, in utero, etc, as he molts from a soft, vulnerable larva who keeps getting hurt in his bids for love and acceptance, into a hardened final form complete with an exoskeleton acting as both physical and emotional armor. a shield keeping his emotions in and the pain of loneliness and rejection out, until it's cracked and his humanity is forcefully exposed. like. sorry if it's just the entomologist in me but this was blatantly obvious the very first time i watched the show and I've been continually surprised that no one's really pointed this out. as a certified lonely person it struck such a deep cord with me, when he accepted his fate, his path ahead, to be one he'd have to walk alone, finally putting up that last seemingly impenetrable wall around his soft parts (but keeping the blanket, this signal that he never asked for this, and that he's not unreachable). So much of his s2 arc centered around not just his desire to right his wrongs and help the world, but to connect with others and not feel alone, both of which got twisted by the hexcore. His attempt to create a hivemind where no one would ever suffer loneliness or rejection or loss, and he would feel their souls with him as well (even though that was an illusion in the end, he truly believed it). The whole 'I now speak with all their voices' but he's just floating in an empty space. And for the consequence of the glorious evolution to be eternal solitude, it just drives home how that's the worst possible fate imaginable for Viktor.

[pussyfever23]

white lotus is insanely good at showing capitalism and the state of western society as a prison that it is. the entire point of this ep was i think that so many characters got so close to breaking out of the cycle only to end up stepping back into the cage of it, locking it after themselves, and willingly throwing out the key.

piper, who like so many young people saw the injustice of the world and felt helpless in the face of it. wanted to give up her privilege and get away from her family who represented everything she hated only to let those values she resented pull her back in. the desire for comfort, the privilege of watching the world end from your comfortable seat at the top, the practiced line of “if we don’t enjoy what we have it’s a waste”. that was her breaking point and she will never go back. 30 years and she’ll be undistinguishable from her mother.

gaitok, whose story mirrors piper’s so closely in how he rejects his entire worldview because barely anyone is strong enough to uphold it in a system that will break you if you try to oppose it. to have once felt so helpless in the face of evil and to side with it since you can’t defeat it. to be pushed to find the violence within yourself when all you ever wanted was to treat the world kindly.

belinda, whose formative experience was being wronged by a millionaire, to have money and convenience prioritized over her, to experience the fickleness and complete lack of backbone of someone who has enough money to afford to have no morals. and to give up everything she believed in, all qualms about greg’s blood money, all dreams grounded in the reality of mortals to advance up to the realm of the wealthy. and to repeat what was done to her with the exact same carelessness and fickleness. to be so swept up in money that pornchai immediately becomes just inherently lesser to her.

rick, who had plans to kill the man who murdered his father and didn’t go through with them only to see that man again and get enraged by his words, again, and still, choose to control himself. he did not believe in therapy for a second at the beginning but, when everyone thinks he gets up from the table to give into murderous impulses, he actually seeks out mental help. only to be denied. to be denied when he comes to the therapist with tears, begging, willing to change and willing to believe in a better future he wants, needing just one chance, just someone to talk him through and believe in him in return. only to be turned down because another appointment is already scheduled. because the customer is king and because there is a line to wait in. he can’t take a chance he’s never given in the first place, so he reverts. the cycle never breaks.

laurie, who stays with the friends who make her miserable. lochlan, who drinks the seeds following in his family’s footsteps again but lacks conviction to fully commit, even in death. i could go on.

nothing ever changes. the status quo remains and the cycle continues and the wheel is never broken. you can never escape and, if you’re the one who the system benefits, why would you want to in the first place? lock your cage, throw the key away and enjoy a piña colada that won’t kill you anyway while the world burns.

[kiththecat]

a jester walks into an amusement park enjoyers do we vibe with this

[seiwas]

thinking about katsuki finding out about that little crush you had on shouto since seeing close-ups of him during the televised sports festival—you were in high school then, too.

he shouldn’t care about it because it doesn’t matter, it was so long ago and shouto’s always been marketed as the pro-hero pretty boy—consistently top 3 most handsome, the front cover of magazines, all that.

this is to be expected, it’s what everyone’s been tempted to react like.

but since finding out, he’s been stewing in… in whatever this bubbling, throbbing feeling in his head means. he’s snappier than normal, face scrunched up more than usual.

and every time he sees shouto he wants to strangle the hell out of him.

[buttercupshands]

can you even call it a warm up if I'm going to bed without drawing anything big

and a sketch I made while sitting in the park today

[lizardson]

I understand people who hate lirin (he is a very frustrating character) but I also think they tend to ignore that he spent years believing he killed both his sons because he refused to give in to roshone. The way he treats kaladin is awful, but it comes from a place of intense shame and regret, not a place of judgement. When he tells kal that he should've obeyed and proven himself to his masters instead of fighting against them, he says it because that's what he wished he had done. Lirin in RoW is not the same person from the WoK flashbacks and his extreme and irrational moral rigidity is the result of trauma and grief, not just "he's a surgeon so he thinks killing is bad."

TLDR lirin is more complex than people give him credit for and also your son miraculously returning from the dead doesn't negate believing for years that you killed him by having the audacity to fight against your oppressors. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[flwrkid14]

Buried Beneath The Laughter They Ignored

Tim is totally fine. Ridiculously fine, actually.

It didn’t matter that he woke up feeling this bubbling, manic laughter in his chest, like everything was suddenly so fucking funny. It didn’t matter that he’d woken up from another nightmare last night, crying, calling for his mama—not the mother he lost, but the mother he gained, Harley Quinn. And it didn’t matter that most days, he felt more like Joker Junior than he did Tim Drake.

It didn’t matter that no one else seemed to fucking care.

He shoved down every bit of laughter clawing up his throat, because he knew if he let even one chuckle slip, they’d all give him that look. The one they always did. Disapproval masked as concern. They didn’t like Junior. They didn’t want to believe Junior was still in there, clawing his way up every time Tim breathed.

It didn’t matter that no one ever asked him how he was doing. They didn’t want to talk about it. Because talking about it would make it real, and they preferred pretending it wasn’t. They expected him to be fine, to push it down, to carry on like nothing happened. If he tried to bring it up, they’d say he was being insensitive—insensitive to Jason's trauma. What fucking irony, he thought bitterly. As if it wasn’t insensitive to be stepping all over his by not letting him speak.

It didn’t matter that he caught them glancing at him sometimes, like they were waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for him to snap, waiting for Junior to come out again. But they never asked. No one asked what was going on in his head. No one fucking asked.

It didn’t matter that when he finally snapped, when he finally screamed at them, sick and tired of pretending, they had the nerve to act clueless. As if they didn’t know.

It didn’t matter that Dick, of all people, screamed back. Yelling like he was being unreasonable. Like he was the problem. He screamed at Tim, demanding answers, to ask what the hell he meant by Joker Junior, as if—

As if they didn’t know.

They didn’t fucking know.

This whole time, they hadn’t known.

They didn’t know Tim had been taken. They didn’t know Tim had been missing. They didn’t know Tim had been held prisoner at the hand of the Joker for months, tearing him apart, piece by piece, until Junior was the only thing left of him. They didn’t know he had screamed for them, begged for someone to find him, but no one ever did.

They didn’t know how much he had suffered. Alone. They didn’t know how much he had changed. They didn’t know that every time he woke up now, it felt like he was still Joker Junior, just wearing Tim’s skin.

And they didn’t know how much it hurt—how much it broke him—to realize that they had never known.

Tim wasn’t fucking okay. And it mattered—oh, it mattered—that they didn’t fucking know.

Because if they didn’t know, it meant no one ever bothered to look. It meant no one ever cared enough to notice.

[eternal-moss]

Kabru the glossy, approachable exterior vs Kabru who nobody knows, not even himself.

Kabru that lives to save humanity vs Kabru who wants a reason to live outside of revenge.

Kabru who will smooth out the bedsheets and gently lay Mithrun down vs Kabru who barely takes care of himself.

Kabru who knows everyone’s personalities and motivations down to the finest level vs Kabru who is fearful of making any permanent attachments.

Kabru who doesn’t hesitate and will strike someone down with fearful efficiency if it means saving others vs Kabru ‘Oh. This is bad. My legs have gone weak.’

Kabru who wants to shoulder the responsibility of humanity’s future. Kabru. ‘And today the world is ending and it’s entirely my fault. Somebody.. please just kill me right now.’

Kabru aged 22, ultor, warrior of humanity. Kabru, a child in the rubble.

[sleptthroughthat]

rereading bllb has made me 100% sure adam reciprocated ronan's feelings long before he finally admitted it to himself and if that wasn't enough: "adam looked back, as he had been looking back for months" in trk is just the cherry on top

[ulteri0rm0tives]

I still think about my mutuals tag where he said that he thinks Johnny feels so much and so deeply that it literally drove him crazy. And yeah. Just think about it constantly. It's. The statement I associate with him. The first thing I think of when I think of him.

I really, really, really dislike when people paint Johnny as this totally unfeeling asshole. Or at least, I heavily disagree with it. That's not to say he isn't an asshole, he 100% is. He's a jerk to the people around him, and of course there really is no excuse for how he treats people. But explanations =/= excuses.

I feel when people try to paint him that way, it comes from a place that lacks understanding or even an unwillingness to understand. This goes hand in hand where I'll see these people call him an unfeeling asshole while using terms associated with cluster b disorders and using the social weight they carry to demonize him, a very prevalent problem reflected in society and internet pop psychology culture.

They'll take the fact he's a 'narcissistic junkie', and not only at the same time use it to demonize people with NPD, but also drug users. It's just a very lazy way to paint a picture of his characterization, by using loaded terms as a crutch and letting their social weight, using yours and others people's biases, do the job for you. Like man, if you're going to make a critique of his character can we at least actually put some effort behind it.

Like. They think he's a user who's an unfeeling asshole to people just for the sake of being one. They see him engaging in these self endangering, self harming, self sabotaging behaviors and brush it off as nothing more than him being like that simply because he likes it, that he relishes in it even. Simply because he wants and chooses to be like that.

They don't see him using as a way of numbing himself (this especially with the fact drugs are the first thing he goes for when Alt breaks it off with him). They don't see that constant toxic push and pull in his relationships as self sabotage. They don't see the fact him going on that OP was a suicide mission. Literally.

I truly believe he never intended to come back from that mission, evident in his last exchange with Kerry, evident in a LOT of his own lyrics. (Black Dog, Ballad of Buck Ravers.)

Johnny clearly is passionate. He clearly has things he cares about. He clearly feels.

I'd even go so far as to say he genuinely does care about the people in his life, he just simply doesn't know how to show it properly or in a way that's healthy for anyone involved. Even when Alt breaks up with him, and he pushes her away for it, he still ends up chasing after her before she's even left the venue. He still tries to protect her. When Alt gets abducted, and yeah, he's being a leadheaded stubborn idiot about it, he still goes after her.

And even if it's self aggrandizing in a lot of ways, he still cares about her life enough to raid a whole fucking tower for her. Even if it's more in the view of what Arasaka took from him, than what it did to her, he still cares about her in his own way. He still grieves her. He's still broken up when she dies right in front of him, and he still acts out even if it's violent and angry. His grief has ALWAYS manifested this way.

When he sees the headlines about Kerry, he asks V to check up on him, to visit him. He even asks Kerry about it because (I think) it came from a place of genuine worry shown the best way he can show it, a straightforward question and dropping it when he gets an answer, no matter how truthful the answer is. When Kerry gets the idea for a one time reunion, Johnny agrees to it because he thinks 'Kerry needs this'.

I also think people see that he's a very angry person and attribute 'unfeeling' to that. Because to them, to a lot of people, anger isn't a valid emotion nor one with as much value as happiness or sadness. That's it's something less than. Even if anger was all he felt, it's still a feeling. He still feels it. He still feels.

His anger, though it's execution is obviously a problem, it's extremely fucking justified and valid. It's born from the mistreatment of a system that only destroys people's lives. Born from a system that only knows how to take, how to hurt, how to kill.

The same system that took, not just a literal piece of Johnny, but so many pieces of his identity and his life that he literally tries to project himself as an entirely new person to escape this.

Johnny cares about how the system treats people, especially people like him. How it uses people and chews them up and discards them when it's taken all it can from them. Johnny cares so much he becomes not just a voice, but thinks he is- and in a lot of ways he does really become one- a symbol for people like him.

That OP functioned as another rescue mission for Alt, another statement for his ideals, and his blaze of glory to go out on his own terms.

Johnny cares about things. Johnny cares about people. He has feelings. Complicated, convoluted, deeply traumatized feelings. Feelings that are so intense, that it harms him. Feelings that are so intense, that it bleeds from him and harms others, too.

And honestly, I'd say the one and only person he stopped truly caring about was himself. A long, long time ago.

[kkoct-ik]

milgram analysis: the orekoto (オレ) of Neoplasm is not the orekoto (俺) of John Doe

analysing both orekotos and then some, how mikoto's dissociation misdirects us, and how mikoto's DID operates to help him function, to express what he needs but cannot tolerate, and to cope with shame.

will be referring both to milgram-en's (John Doe, Neoplasm) and Maristelina's (timeline) translations. thank you for your work!

note on names: for the purposes of this post:

mikoto refers to the person/system, all parts included

'mikoto' refers to any normative mikoto, ie. not either ore. i'm not going to assume the normative mikoto from John Doe is the same alter as the normative mikoto in Neoplasm, because i don't think they are, but that's for another time. for now, I am grouping them together, because, functionally, mikoto's normal parts serve the same purpose and role for this discussion.

ore (俺) and mikoto (俺) refer to the mikoto that appears in the John Doe (Trial 1) voice drama and attacks es.

ore (オレ) and mikoto (オレ) refer to the mikoto that appears in the Neoplasm (Trial 2) voice drama and claims to be the alter who commit murder.

if you can't read japanese, just remember that any name with one japanese character (俺) refers to the ore of trial 1, and any name with two characters (オレ) refers to the ore of trial 2. these are how both ores' personal pronouns are spelled according to the official scriptbooks, respectively.

i also use the word 'unacceptable' 'intolerable' etc. a lot in this analysis. please note i don't use this word in a judgemental way. i will always mean it in the sense that whatever i am referring to 'cannot be accepted/tolerated by mikoto/the world he comes from'.

i'm working with translations and mikoto is a complicated character, so please forgive any slip ups!

thank you for reading.

introduction: there's two orekotos?

mikoto's case, as i've criticised in my last major essay, is often reduced to a conflict between how one votes a system of one 'innocent' personality and one 'guilty'.

as part of the reducing of his character to a split personality trope, it is popular and easy to assume that mikoto only has two major alters: 'mikoto' (who appears normative, uses the boku personal pronoun, and has a confused, sociable demeanour) and 'the other one' (who appears more aggressive, uses the ore personal pronoun, and noticeably switches in at some point during both VDs).

i'm also guilty of this assumption. despite having a sense that things were not that simple, i have assumed, for convenience, that both ores were the same alter, mostly because the ore (オレ) of Neoplasm expresses familiarity with ore's (俺) actions in John Doe (in that he references the event immediately after switching in, amongst other things), and i had no major reason to question that continuity.

at the end of the day, mikoto is mikoto, and since i had (and still have) no interest in attributing guilt to any specific alter, i didn't have a major reason to deduce which alter 'did what'.

(it's also more important to me to dissect what alters think they did and identify with than literally did, because its in how alters psychologically divide up their life and actions once they've happened that their purposes for existing and dissociative functions shine. my last essay was also almost entirely focused on Neoplasm in isolation, so i stand by most of what i said — just replace any assumptions that ore (オレ) is ore (俺) with their new relationship that i'm about to identify.)

all this said, despite surface-level similarities (seeming to use the same personal pronoun, both speaking roughly, existing as a protective force, and identifying as/presenting themselves as the archetypal 'monster'), the way these two alters — ore (俺) and ore (オレ) — function and think are also very distinct from one another. despite the intentional misdirection that would have you assume they are the same part, both ores display very different approaches to responding to and coping with mikoto's life and traumas, and we have seen them emerge respectively based on mikoto's different, changing circumstances within Milgram and the triggers he encounters.

after the extent of this fully dawned on me the other day, it also occured to me that distinguishing them could be very clarifying for how mikoto has grown to function and cope with his life and actions, and also, maybe, finally shatter the illusory binary that surface-level fanon is so attached to.

so. enjoy.

main body 1: psychoanalysing the ore (俺) of John Doe

the ore (俺) that appears in John Doe switches in after mikoto begins to have a panic attack at es' ceaseless prodding.

we can analyse what seems to have triggered mikoto (俺) forward as a starting point for deducing this part's purpose and understanding where mikoto's headspace was at to contextualise his behaviour, so let's assess the situation.

normative 'mikoto', who is present for the majority of John Doe, presumably exists as an alter to allow mikoto to function and engage with people. he seems to do this by having no awareness (or at least, identification) with anything shameful and intolerable, including his murders, and identity as a killer.

therefore, es' insistence to 'mikoto' that he has killed pushes mikoto into a situation that this normative alter is fundamentally unable to handle. es' suggestion of dissociative amnesia also directly attacks the plausible deniability and dissociation normative 'mikoto' clings to to cope. in order to protect himself and preserve his dissociative defense mechanisms, mikoto finds himself required to switch into an alter more suited to this situation, and disengage normative 'mikoto' from this psychological attack.

it is also worth pointing out that es is an authority, and an abusive one at that; considering that mikoto has suffered workplace abuse (as seen in the relentless texts from his chief outside of work hours in Double) it is almost certain that mikoto has been belittled, scapegoated, and pushed to his limits by higher-ups at work before. this situation that es is subjecting mikoto to is not only psychologically overwhelming to his normative alter, but also emulates a source of trauma for mikoto, and thus will absolutely trigger his fight/flight/etc.

lingo: fight/flight/freeze/fawn are words used for different areas of common stress and trauma responses. the principle is, when faced with an overwhelming threat, you may become aggressive and combative (fight), may become restless and want to escape (flight), may shut down (freeze), or may try to appease the threat (fawn).

mikoto is currently in an interrogation room, within Milgram: he cannot run. simply shutting down will not stop es from provoking him. and he has tried to appease es, to be friendly, and seem pathetic, and es has not wavered. the only real option left for mikoto's completely fried nervous system is to remove normative mikoto from the scene, and then force/intimidate/beat the threat into submission.

whew, what an adrenaline rush.

mikoto's (俺) initial demeanour is mostly an expression of his fight response that has been triggered and rage at this situation that 'mikoto' could not handle. mikoto (俺) lashes out at es, yells, curses, and loudly expresses that es' prodding has been far too much for him. he's pissed, and honestly, i don't think he's overreacting. he's far from the first prisoner to attempt to attack es, and he only does it when pushed to his absolute emotional limit, on multiple accounts.

as the scene progresses, mikoto's (俺) rhetoric becomes reminiscent of abusive people of power. a friend i have has pointed out that these lines in particular sound a lot like what a shitty, ageist boss would yell at a young new recruit to verbally abuse them into submission and impose their authority. it's likely ore (俺) is emulating the kinds of things people have said to mikoto, that have forced him into submission, to protect himself, in the hopes that he can turn the tables on es and reap the benefits of becoming the abuser, so to speak. he refuses to engage with whatever es is saying, and focuses on establishing his power through force and verbal abuse.

this bit is speculation, but i do think the fact that es is on the smaller side definitely helps mikoto, triggered into fight response, feel like he should be able to hold power over him. mikoto may see himself in es and feel incredibly angry that es, while small, is in a position of power that he himself never had, with mikoto therefore wanting to put them in their place.

ore (俺) also projects a demeanour of being somewhat sadistic, likely because of just how fucking angry he is at this moment, and especially because es is not easily slipping into the fawning role that mikoto would in his position. he also may be enjoying the high of not being the victim for once, and now that he's in this position, wants to make the most of it, and really prove his point.

essentially, mikoto's (俺) demeanour communicates, don't mess with me, i'm bigger than you. i won't lie down and take this shit, and you have no business hurting or challenging me.

i know this is from neoplasm and is ore (オレ) speaking. i'm using it to illustrate what 'mikoto' does not not do (ie. not cry himself to sleep, not suffer in silence, fight back).

when applying ore (俺)'s demeanour back to how mikoto typically presents and conceptualises himself, it becomes very obvious that everything about mikoto (俺) is intolerable and unacceptable to mikoto as a whole.

being angry, to mikoto, is not acceptable. expressing anger and fighting back against injustice is not acceptable. challenging your place in the social hierarchy and acting outside of socially acceptable behaviour is not acceptable, because all of these are expressions that would lead to dire consequences in his life and within his culture, despite being natural human emotions and expressions.

if these rudimentary and necessary human emotions and rights are unacceptable to mikoto, it can help, psychologically, for the part that handles/contains/expresses them to present themselves as a different sort of person. by wholly dissociating himself from this side of himself — such as this episode, or any other instances of standing up for himself or feeling unacceptable feelings — mikoto can protect himself, and have these unacceptable parts, without compromising his self image; 'mikoto' remains unchanged, unrelated, untainted, because it was absolutely 'not mikoto' that did or felt those things.

what a lovely dissociative contradiction.

the further mikoto (俺) is from how mikoto typically presents, the easier it may be for mikoto to reassure himself that anything they do was 'not him' or 'not real' and entirely cut himself off from identifying with or processing that memory or act. therefore, appearing sadistic when expressing his anger at injustice is not only practical for successfully intimidating es, but may also be part of ore's (俺) (and many of mikoto's parts') presentation as the archetypal 'monster', and clearly 'not mikoto', that helps to reassure mikoto of their estrangement.

this estrangement also helps ore (俺) to protect himself from everything 'mikoto' is associated with (namely, having to be friendly and conscious of his social position, and being a person who tolerates abuse). while the change in accent, personal pronoun, sense of status, the abusive rhetoric he regurgitates, and overall departure from mikoto's typical presenting personality all add to the prior point and to 'mikoto's benefit, it also helps ore (俺) feel like a different person, who is not constrained by having to tolerate things and acting according to his social position. this helps ore (俺) emotionally remove himself from the fact 'mikoto' was trapped and overwhelmed, and allows him to express the intolerable things he does.

unfortunately, emulating the tactics of his abusers and portraying himself as a rough-speaking tough guy who is sadistic and cruel did not go over well with the audience. you might say that this mask was a little too convincing.

we can be almost certain ore (俺) did not fully grasp the position he was in, and the extent of the scrutiny that would go into his behaviour. we can also be certain ore (俺) had no idea he would be unique in being able to attack es, and the ramifications of such.

despite not being uniquely violent as a prisoner, because mikoto was successful in the attack due to the alters loophole, mikoto seems more violent than the others. it also doesn't help mikoto was put under severe psychological pressure, by es being incredibly careless with his dissociative barriers, leading to a sudden and extreme trauma-triggered switch.

it also doesn't help that there is a lot of social stigma in the real world around the mentally ill being unpredictable, violent, and senselessly volatile, and mikoto seemed to align with that, and thus the audience came to conclusions about what this outburst 'meant' about mikoto and the circumstances of his crime.

the audience at large did not like his vibe, and mikoto was deemed unforgiven.

in summary, John Doe ore (俺):

emerges when mikoto is overwhelmed and has his fight response triggered, exhausted of all other options to combatting an overwhelming psychological attack.

presents himself as the archetypal 'monster' (using rough speak, threats, and becoming violent) to intimidate es, stop their prodding at his dissociative barriers that keep him functional and stable, and hopefully prevent further abuse.

main body 2: defining the ore (オレ) of Neoplasm (quick section)

before i dig into Neoplasm, ore (オレ), and ore's (オレ) relationship to ore (俺), i have actually already written an essay and a half analysing ore's (オレ) presentation and motivations in Neoplasm here.

i'm not going to repeat all of my analysis, but i'll summarise the relevant bits, so we are on the same page going forward:

essentially, in Neoplasm, ore (オレ):

emerges coming into trial 2 to be interrogated by es, makes a point to identify 'himself' and only 'himself' as the killer, and spends almost all of his time negotiating mikoto's innocence accordingly.

claims his purpose is to "take it all - bear it all (...) [and] be rid of it."

presents himself as the archetypal 'monster' (using rough speak, threats, dehumanising himself, and making no effort to provide motive or explanation for his murders) to make himself appear unsympathetic and mikoto, in contrast, purely a victim.

you'll see already that the way the two ores function are pretty distinct. despite both having rough demeanours, functioning to protect himself, and evoking the archetypal 'monster', the circumstances in which they come forward and their specific goals in the moment and with their presentations are very different.

despite this distinction, ore (オレ) does intentionally seem to imply that he and ore (俺) are the same, and definitely does not correct this assumption on es' part. so what gives?

main body 3: psychoanalysing the ore (オレ) of Neoplasm

well, let's analyse the circumstances of ore's (オレ) appearance and callbacks, consider ore's (オレ) self-proclaimed purpose and role, and deduce the practical advantages of misleading es and the audience in this specific way.

very importantly, coming into trial 2 and the opening of Neoplasm, the situation for mikoto has changed, a lot.

firstly, mikoto has been voted guilty once. that is to say, whatever mikoto did in John Doe, did not work in his favour. he's also familiarised himself with Milgram by now, and is more aware of his position. so, he's not going to try what he did in John Doe again.

secondly, despite his 'odd case' meaning he has been free to roam the prison, he is chained and restrained for the events of Neoplasm. this also essentially eliminates the chance of any fight or flight response should he be triggered again, doubly.

differently to what brings ore (俺) out, the ore (オレ) of Neoplasm switches in with little fanfare, after a short period of a very dissociated mikoto expressing that he doesn't understand what's going on.

the specific note that he switches in on is on the note of being accused of things — mid sentence, he goes from passively laughing about his hopeless situation, to expressing irritation at it. before the switch, this 'mikoto' expresses that laughing things off comes naturally to him; it's likely this 'mikoto' is unable to feel or identify with frustration as 'himself', hence, the switch.

i also think, due to ore's (オレ) role (as the scapegoat alter who identifies with acts, takes blame and singular responsibility, and may already be planing to lean into his disconnect from 'mikoto' to absolve him), it was very necessary for him to come forward and negotiate with es at some point. hence, the situation of being interrogated by es (and specifically, the topic of blame) brings ore (オレ) forward.

after es immediately verbally takes note of the switch, ore (オレ) makes himself known; he does not pretend nothing has happened or continue with his train of thought. he immediately calls back to ore's (俺) actions in John Doe, implying that this is the same alter that perpetrated them, and generally associates himself with these parts of mikoto that are typically intolerable to him.

(note that while in the original text no specific personal pronoun is used, the obvious implication of bringing up the attack on es immediately after switching in is to create a connection between 'that' ore and 'this' ore. also, assuming the audience has a rudimentary understanding of DID, this alter not having amnesia for the event would also imply that it must be the same alter that perpetrated it.)

in my opinion, and the reason i was typically reluctant to interrogate which of mikoto's alters 'did what', the only reason for calling back to an alter's continuity like this is to establish blame. this goes double when the continuity involves associating yourself with typically intolerable (and socially unacceptable) acts, and triple when, as we have seen as Neoplasm progresses, this alter is generally entirely concerned with taking blame for 'mikoto' to relieve him of culpability and negotiate his physical and psychological freedom.

assuming ore (オレ) is associating and aligning himself with ore's (俺) actions as a way to take the blame for them, there are a few ways we can make sense of this decision.

1: in light of what we know about ore (オレ) as a scapegoat alter who clearly hates himself, who has taken responsibility for their murders to protect 'mikoto's self-image, one likely answer as to why he takes responsibility for ore's (俺) outburst is because he is an alter that handles shame.

even towards the beginning of Neoplasm, ore (オレ) expresses a desire to be dehumanised, and implies that typically, he is not considered human, likely because that would make matters of shame simpler: he is irredeemable, he is a monster, he is everything wrong, this is simply who he is.

this makes it likely to me that whenever mikoto expresses intolerable things or feels shame/is shamed for acting inappropriately, it would be the job of this alter to internalise the emotional fallout, reinforcing this self-image, all slightly away from normative 'mikoto', to protect 'mikoto's self esteem and ability to function. this existence would require ore (オレ) to be aware of any shameful things mikoto has done, including any standing up for himself as mikoto (俺).

mikoto essentially disowns and vilifies anything he does or expresses he considers socially unacceptable through having mikoto (オレ), who sees himself as a 'monster', take responsibility for all his shameful acts. ore (オレ) also handles and makes sense of the overwhelming shame mikoto feels for these acts, expressions, and abuse he has suffered through this way of seeing himself.

this implied long-term vilification of and 'inherent badness' to ore (オレ) could also tie in to a possibility of ore (オレ) existing before the events of milgram, as a part of mikoto that handled shame in his daily life and due to his everyday traumas.

it is also very common for other alters to reinforce introjected abusive rhetoric and lash out at parts that contain and handle shame.

when the person, as a whole, has been made shameful, but most alters cannot handle that level of shame, a typical response is for most alters to dissociate from it, and instead emulate the abuse they have suffered and inner critic they have developed onto only a part of them. this dissociative scapegoating protects the majority of the system from the feeling and experience of being shamed and belittled by themselves, and contains the overwhelming shame in one extreme, but often repressed part.

the fact the majority of mikoto's alters' seem psychologically unable to handle being or acting shamefully, instead blaming and verbally abusing a part who takes responsibility and is scapegoated for everything, and feels shame for everything, is textbook.

i find it likely that to protect himself from abuse at work, mikoto subconsciously separated himself from the 'him' that felt shame, and this alter grew to develop the belief that he must be, and may deserve to be made, responsible for everything.

2: in light of what we know about ore (オレ) as a scapegoat alter who intends to sacrifice himself while bearing all mikoto's sins, one likely answer as to why he takes responsibility for ore's (俺) outburst is also because mikoto's (俺) acts have put him into deep trouble.

towards the beginning of Neoplasm, ore (オレ) comments that one reason he feels he has been out a lot, as opposed to normative 'mikoto', is because of their guilty verdict. i find this makes sense. because 'mikoto' was labelled as culpable for his actions and the audience did not buy the alter excuse, mikoto has been forced from normalcy and forced to reside in a shame part more suited to this reality, where 'mikoto' is unforgiven, socially unacceptable, and labelled as 'dangerous' and otherwise ostracised.

mikoto, in general, does not seem very happy about this. after all, it's in his best interest to remain normative and functional and socially accepted. therefore, mikoto needs to work out how to be forgiven, and overcome the social predicament he has found himself in (both in terms of being a murderer, and being considered a 'volatile' mentally ill man due to his outburst).

the strategy mikoto lands on in Neoplasm comes in the form of ore (オレ) scapegoating himself for the murders, claiming to es that he perpetrated them without mikoto's consent or control, yada yada, as explored in my last essay.

considering the predicament mikoto is in is not only about being a murderer however, and ore (オレ) considers his role to "take it all - bear it all (…) [and] be rid of it," it would also make sense that for his attempted crucifixion, ore (オレ) would take on the responsibility of everything that has rubbed the audience the wrong way, before promising to vanish.

this includes his murders, but it also includes mikoto's (俺) intolerable and socially unacceptable outburst in John Doe, and mikoto's general being considered 'a man with alters, that make him dangerous'.

ore (オレ) wants the audience (and also, probably, himself) to think that after he has 'disappeared', everything unacceptable about mikoto will be gone; the 'alter that murdered', is ore (オレ), and will be gone, the 'alter that lashed out in John Doe', is ore (オレ), and will be gone, and perhaps even 'mikoto's alters in their entirety, that frighten people', are only ore (オレ), and will be gone.

hence, ore (オレ) takes responsibility for everything, before promising to vanquish it, accumulating every symbol and act and demeanour that may have made mikoto unforgiven, and promising to be rid of it, in the desperate attempt to return normalcy and forgiveness to themselves.

(in fact, he even may have implied he and ore (俺) are one and the same, and thus leaned into the presumption that there are only two alters, to make his (オレ) decision to vanish seem like a 'cure' for mikoto's DID (in leaving only the 'normative alter' in existence), and therefore free mikoto from the socially unacceptable status of being an 'othered' mentally ill man with alters, a status that has become apparent as Milgram has progressed and mikoto has been scrutinised. i hope i don't have to explain that you don't 'cure' DID by lobotomising yourself, and mikoto is currently learning this the hard way, based on his T3 lines, but as long as the audience is swayed to this way of thinking, and it is possible ore (オレ) genuinely believed removing all trace of mikoto's mental illness in 'vanishing' 'his alter, who is responsible for everything unacceptable' could help, is all that matters.)

this, actually, brings me into the third element, that i'm going to make a nice little title for, despite being a continuation of the ore (オレ) psychoanalysis, and another possible reason for why he gives us the impression he and ore (俺) are the same.

main body 4: mikoto's convenient false binary

as i said when i opened this essay, mikoto's case is often reduced to a conflict between how one votes a system of one 'innocent' personality and one 'guilty'.

when it comes to approaching and attempting to understand mikoto's crime, many people abstract him, and reduce him to a stock, hollywood, split-personality stereotype. this model, while simplistic and reductive, is easy for a lot of people to understand.

compared to real DID, in which a person is so conflicted on themselves and their actions that it sometimes feels as if they are possessed, and may not understand what they do or who they are, with a lot of muddy middle ground between self-states, identity and memory discontinuation, and blurring, split personality trope provides clearly defined boundaries.

clearly defined boundaries are an illusion in DID. they are also something a person with DID may attempt to reinforce when something a part of them handles or represents is intolerable to them. drawing a firm boundary in their mind helps them feel that they are separate from this part of themselves, and may help to explain the feeling of separatedness: 'if i feel it, it must be true'.

often, it is easiest for a person with DID to make sense of themselves to see themselves as multiple distinct entities, reflecting the different parts of self they have and the barriers between them. and yet, even so, most people with DID struggle with blurriness and existing beyond the confines they've drawn in the sand to make sense of themselves. at the end of the day, a model for understanding one's self is only a model.

that is to say, DID is messy, contradictory, and muddy.

mikoto, with no real coping mechanisms to overcome his symptoms, at the end of his psychological rope, and on the chopping block in Milgram, with already one guilty verdict under his belt, is not in a position to be messy, contradictory, and muddy.

he needs to be easy to understand. he needs to have clearly defined boundaries.

not only is it personally important for ore (オレ) to take the blame alone for all of his shameful actions, and then disappear, but if ore (オレ) can sell to the audience that there are only two alters, clearly defined, one innocent and one guilty, and play along with how the audience stereotypes and abstracts him into a conventional split-personality trope, ore (オレ) can sway the vote to his favour, and attain a forgiven vote, providing (relative) normalcy and social acceptance within Milgram for 'mikoto'.

by leaning into the false binary, creating false continuation between different normative mikotos and between different scapegoated and unacceptable mikotos, and make it seem as if there is no middle ground between them, mikoto creates a 'good' and an 'evil', a 'guilty' and an 'innocent'. he can compartmentalise everything in him that he feels has caused him abuse, blame all his outbursts and crimes on it, and then promise to vanquish it.

and if, 'without' his unacceptable, parts (who are clearly 'monsters', killers, and act out without reason) he is only his normative selves, who have 'done nothing wrong' and were 'helpless to their other side', and will never cause any issues again, the question of what Milgram's audience should do with mikoto becomes simple.

you vote to forgive mikoto.

and wow, it really worked. well done, mikoto. well done, ore (オレ). well done leaning into your own complex dissociation, the illusion of defined boundaries, and the audience's own pop-culture understanding of DID.

conclusion / tl;dr:

the ore (俺) that appears in John Doe and ore (オレ) that appears in Neoplasm are two separate alters. despite appearing on a surface level to have similar demeanours, and both portraying themselves as 'different kinds of people' to mikoto to help mikoto reassure himself they are 'not him, their triggers, actions, reasons, and motivations are distinct.

while ore's (俺) demeanour, aggression, and rhetoric serves to intimidate and challenge an overwhelming threat and escape from the confines of 'mikoto's identity to allow him to protect himself, ore (オレ) emulates a similar demeanour to portray himself as a shameful 'monster' who does not conform to socially acceptable behaviour and represents everything unacceptable about mikoto, to serve as a scapegoat.

despite the fact they are different, ore (オレ) intentionally leads the audience to believe that he is responsible for mikoto's outburst in John Doe, likely due to his role as an alter who handles mikoto's shame and takes the blame for everything mikoto deems unacceptable about himself, as well this claim being convenient for his ultimate plan to be crucified while bearing every unacceptable part of mikoto, in the pursuit of mikoto's forgiveness.

ore (オレ)'s misdirection also ties into the illusion of alter separatedness and mikoto's false binary, that he both utilises to cope, and to navigate the Milgram audience's expectations, as a strategy for securing his forgiveness, as well.

epilogue / reflection

i accidentally strayed into another essay i'm working on towards the end there. i am fascinated by how mikoto responds to the label of DID and conforms to the audience's stigmas and models they apply to him. a full essay on that train of thought is in the works. hang in there. that end bit was just a taste, i guess.

as always, please let me know if any of this is incomprehensible. i can be wordy, and i may accidentally use inaccessible DID jargon. if i have, please let me know and i will correct it. it is very important to me that my analysis can be understood and discussed (and even challenged!) by a wide audience.

anyway, pat yourself on the back, because, even not including text in images, you've officially read 5k words of nonstop mikoto analysis. this is longer than my 'john didn't do it' essay. holy fuck.

i hope you enjoyed. & thank you for sticking with me

no funny meme this time. go mikoto dance.

[iholli]

living my best life with the new content (deleted scenes getting animated) but this part really gave my brain an itch that I've kinda thought about before and just haven't had reason to scratch at,,,

I think Blitzwing really dislikes getting dirty (or being in a space that could get him dirty), when it's unnecessary? I mean, he'll do it, he doesn't mind or care on a mission or during a fight, but he doesn't enjoy it, and don't expect him to get grease on his frame otherwise.

like, any time he's in a situation where he's getting dirty or scuffed and it's not in a fight, Hothead or Random are usually the dominant response, quickly finding something else to focus on. Icy only responds to complain, because he certainly likes to complain. he gets kind of bitchy about it! (I get it. I don't like unnecessary dirt either. I didn't authorize that. I mean this affectionately, I enjoy when he's bitchy.)

I imagine if he willingly got into a mess (for fun, or cannibalism, or both) it would be fine, but eugh, he wasn't planning on Autobot gunk or Earth grime, no thank you.

[lesbianjodie]

You know I've been thinking, like. Since the detco movies aren't canon. They should totally do a silly (actually really serious and interesting) one where the culprit actually IS a real monster a la some scooby doo movies, you know? And then let the franchise go on as normal but now we know how the characters would respond to having ghosts in their soup.

[cluedoenthusiast]

The little alien in Al's body fighting to escape + I spilt me beer on the radio (it looks like a little island) [X]