#I AM SICK??? WHY DID I DO THIS TO MYSELF

[babyblankyerror]

Absolutely awful. Thinking of Water Spirit Stan Au, Stanley gets his memories back and slowly realises how much damage him being there is doing to his brother.

He's dead. Why is his brother still holding onto him, nearly past his 60s or something, meanwhile he's here but not really? Giving him false hope, giving him the idea that he can be brought back just by being there...

"You have to let me go, Stanford" he says softly, feeling the solid pressure of his twin brother's forehead against his one. His body beguinning to undo, water droplets leaving him.

"No- Stanley- No" Stanley doesn't think he's ever heard his brother cry like this, it hurts but it's for the best. He offers a smile and simply turns, feeling the water particles divide themselves kn him as he walks to the horizon of the sea. For a moment, he can hear his brothers calling for him, he imagines Shermie holding onto Ford because Ford is always too stubborn and Shermie the most logically emotional one.

For a moment, a terrifying moment, there is nothing for him to sense as his body is gone and he is but one single particle left, he barely has a half a mind to think "I am home" before...it's silence. He stops and ceases to exist.

[unheavenlybody]

hmmmm in the stage of self isolation where i want nothing more than to move away somewhere no one knows me and build a new personality from scratch and never talk to anyone from my past ever again heehaha i want to abandon my life so badly

[the-krakens-bitch]

One of the reasons why I could never read ‘real person’ fanfic is the inability to construct and adapt the appropriate characteristics to each being within the media.

With fictional characters, there's an established understanding of what the audience (dramatic irony) and each character know about each other whether this was compiled through what the character says, how the other characters explain them, interactions, characters' past (either shown in a flashback or told) and or parallels between them and other situations/characters within the media.

Personally, one of the elements of fanfiction that I enjoy is seeing how other people perceive and understand the characters, as well as the characters' relationships with other characters and how they react to certain circumstances; either given by the narrative itself (canon events) or the audience's decision (fanfic).

As the audience, it is a privilege to insepct and examine the small and unique aspects of the characters to analyse and connect elements within the narrative to develop a deep understanding of them. However, this can’t happen with real people.

In real life, there is no story arch, there is no specific camera angles, no specifc lighting, no intentionly writing choices, no additonal codes and conventions that explore a story deeper into the text of reality.

Especially famous people, more specially youtubers; within an increasingly parasocial world, where the audiences are becoming progressively closer towards the artist, it is harder to seperate the audience's belief that they know that particular person/group.

I think this is most obvious within the One direction/5 seconds of summer phase of the early 2010s, but it has yet to decrease due to the prevelent evolution of what is considered the norm of social media interaction with the artist and the fan.

Therefore artist will present in the 'so called' suitable character that they want to present at a given time. Implying that in particular circumstance, either promoting new music or movie, playing a game, peforming and so on, they will display the appropriate characteristics to go with that aim.

The audience cannot take this and deem it as their personality, or decode that they are 'faking' or pretending in front of the camera. I think there's a belief that famous people, more specifically Youtubers will either be their 100% authentic selves or become a completely different person in front of a camera, but that is not true. They are becoming an alternative version of themself for a performance.

In summary, I think the idea of reading fanfic about real people exacerbates the parasocial relationship that social media is now normalizing. Such as depersonalizing public figures into caricatures of themself and placing them into fabricated renditions of what that particular audience desires from them.

[hpdfag]

feel like im getting stabbed in the chest every time i think about him. is this even what love is supposed to feel like

[brittleboneshowl]

.

[girlivealwaysbean]

.

[lesbiansayaishii]

i think i'm finally okay and then i Remember

[casualfruit]

Every day an eternity, every week a heartbeat

[sillybouquetoflillies]

i keep thinking i rly didnt go thru that much growing up, but idk, everytime i tell someone abt my life, they say i did and kinda just like sit in shock abt it. am i just internet brained or smth, or am i just dramatic?? i rly dont think ive earned a lot of the symtoms of someone who was traumatized that i have. or maybe i havent been in a safe place for long enough to process things??? i dunno. maybe someday far away in the future ill figure things out

[kavehayati]

Man I just give up.

[jrueships]

tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO

[orcelito]

Well, I was hoping there wouldn't be a thumping night again, but it is 11:41pm and the thumping has begun anew

I didn't end up leaving that note on their door bc of the shitshow that was the water heater shit, but I'm going to leave one tomorrow. I don't know why this is the thing they've decided to do this week.

[vampean]

i don’t understand why i am so dependent on male attention when i know i will never be treated like a human being by them no matter what i do or don’t do

[justinefrischmanngf]

i need to get over myself and learn the languages i want to learn if i want to learn them like i just need to do it if i want to learn them then i should go out and learn them and like . fuck whatever else any of it means . yes it IS embarrassing to learn a language like the ones i want to learn as an adult but who CARES and yes i KNOW my grandparents will never want to speak to me in those languages but who CARES if it's important to me it can be important to me anyway

[merkerlerspeaks]

Im thinking about something. Yesterday, during the yankee swap my brother got hold of a mini handheld vacuum and he says, as a joke, "I think this was supposed to be a woman's gift." because, well, that's the kind of humour he finds funny.

And our cousin's husband looks at him and says "No, men can clean too." (note: he was very smiley when he said this, so he wasn't misunderstanding that it was a joke).

With the number of times I've heard those jokes though, hearing a Christian man say that healed a little portion of my heart and I am glad my cousin found him.