#I AM GONNA LISTEN TO THE WHOLE HOUR OF THIS VIDEO

[general-kalani]

WOLFPACK BEST SONG FROM SABATON DON'T EVEN @ ME ON IT-

[lu-is-not-ok]

two in one theory... i am listening very intently if you ever feel up to share it!!

Alright, so this is gonna be... as close to an Abridged explanation of the theory as I can make, because if I went off on everything about it I would end up writing a whole dissertation or five hour video essay script on this shit.

There are gonna be three main sections to this post - Hong Lu's Daiyuisms, Hong Lu's Themes of Identity and how that connects to the concept of Two in One, and the Daiyu-Baoyu theory itself.

Strap in folks.

Hong Lu's Daiyuisms

If you know anything about my theories in the earlier days of Limbus, you might know that I'm one of the very few people who was convinced Hong Lu is actually Daiyu, due to some evidence I found personally compelling. This has not changed, as we've only gotten just as much extra evidence to this as we have to him being Baoyu. So let me just speedrun through some of these points.

The Fucking Jade Eye

Ok hear me out. This is maybe the least important piece of evidence but I can never stop thinking about it. Hong Lu's jade eye? Not actually fully blue! If you look closely on most of his sprites, you can see that he actually has sectoral heterochromia, meaning his jade eye is both blue and black.

Daiyu's name, quite literally, translates to blue-black jade.

Now, you could claim that this is merely meant to be an easter egg reference to her, but... is that really Project Moon's style? After all, when people speculated on Don Quixote being Sancho or a Bloodfiend partially based on her appearance all the way back since near launch, they turned out to be right.

Hong Lu's Father

As of now, there is only one instance of Hong Lu referencing his Father in Limbus, and it's a voiceline from his Base Identity:

Now, if you know anything about DOTRC, this should already be raising some flags, because if Hong Lu was just Baoyu, he would not fucking talk like that about his Father.

In the book, Baoyu is consistently shown to be afraid of his Father, for a good reason mind you, as he's his main abuser. Baoyu would not be looking forward to introducing his friends to that man.

Even if Hong Lu was trying to downplay the abuse he's recieved, this would still not fit his pattern of behavior. When topics that genuinely bother Hong Lu come up, such as what could make him distort or how rich people would enjoy gifts made of humans, he immediately pivots and tries to avoid the topic at all cost. He would not bring up his main abuser in such a lighthearted manner, he would avoid bringing him up at all cost.

However, there is a character in DOTRC which does in fact have a more positive relationship to her Father, and would likely be the one with an opinion such as that - Daiyu. Daiyu loves her Father, and when he dies she completely disappears from the story for a bit to attend his funeral. If there was anyone who would be excited to introduce their friends to their Father, it'd be Daiyu.

Lasso Hong Lu's Corrosion

I made a whole seperate post about this, but I might as well mention it here as well for the sake of completion. The design choices made for Hong Lu which are missing for Faust are very, very Daiyu-coded.

For one, not only does Hong Lu completely turn into a flower, unlike Faust, his horse also gains a flower in its mouth. For those whose knowledge of DOTRC is zero to none, Daiyu is a reincarnation of a Flower given sentience due to being watered by the Jade. I don't think I have to be the one to connect the dots between those two pieces of info for you.

The second is how the halters become a noose for Hong Lu. This, too, is a very Daiyu thing - Rose Hunter as an Abnormality represents the inability to escape one's fate, and Daiyu's fate is to die - the Jia Family arranging a marriage between Baoyu and Baochai leads to Daiyu falling deathly ill, which in itself could be considered a part of her repaying her Debt of Tears - the debt she swore to repay to the Jade/Baoyu when she was still a Flower.

The hilarity of the fact that this E.G.O came out in the same update as Hong Lu being called Baoyu in-story is not lost on me.

Rose Sign Abnormality Log

The third Log for Rose Sign ends in a very peculiar way.

There's multiple ways one can tie Hong Lu's odd reluctance to talk about flowers and the petals. One is the obvious "he's being reminded of Daiyu because she was a Flower" connection, but there's another one.

One of the most commonly potrayed images of Daiyu relates to a scene in DOTRC where she buries fallen flower petals, weeping for and lamenting the mortality of the flowers and herself. Hong Lu's reaction here to his fellow Sinners being reduced to nothing but petals upon Rose Sign's death feels like a notable parallel to Daiyu's flower burial scene.

Like literally everything about Kurokumo Hong Lu

The title for this is a bit of an exaggeration, but at the same time. I'm serious. Kurokumo Hong Lu is perhaps the most Daiyu Identity out of all the Hong Lu Identities we have, and the way he is designed to stand out among them further makes me go insane.

Kurokumo Hong Lu's most defining trait is his attitude - he often complains about his position and how authority treats him, though he doesn't really act out against them in any major way outside of making snarky or sarcastic remarks.

This is, frankly, an extremely Daiyu thing to do. Daiyu is one of the few characters who audibly complains about her treatment in the household. For example she complains about not being given as many opportunities to show off her poetry skills as her male peers are, and she recognises how, when all the girls in the family are given flowers, she's the last one to recieve them and thus is stripped of the ability to pick, being only given the leftovers.

Then there's the whole. Everything about Kurokumo Hong Lu's visual design. Because once you realize just how Daiyu-like the Identity is, you realize just how weird he is compared to other Hong Lu Identities. I mean just look how he compares to his other Identities.

He's the only Hong Lu Identity with a blue tint to his hair in the combat sprite rather than the usual purple.

He's the only Hong Lu Identity whose hairtie is a ribbon rather than a jade ring (Liu Hong Lu technically has the ribbon in his post-uptie art, but he doesn't have it in his combat sprite so I'm not counting him).

He's the only Hong Lu Identity to not be smiling in his combat sprites.

And he's the only Hong Lu Identity (and one of only four Identities in the game) whose Idle sprite has its body facing away from the opponent rather than facing towards them.

All of those combine to make him stand out like a sore thumb in a Hong Lu Identity lineup in a way that makes it feel intentional, especially since he's also the only Hong Lu Identity with that kind of notable attitude towards authority. Other Hong Lu Identities are either obedient, don't express any opinion, or just straight up are the authority.

The Baoyu reveal is framed in a very weird way

This is, admittedly, less of a Daiyuism and more of a not-Baoyuism, but I thought it'd be important to mention nonetheless.

There are a lot of things about Canto 7's reveal of Hong Lu's name being Baoyu that are very strange, especially compared to how the Canto frames Don Quixote's own reveal of actually being Sancho.

For one, the timing itself - why is such an important piece of info being revealed so early? Again, compare to Donqui - she was revealed to be a Bloodfiend in the Intervallo right before Canto 7, and the Sancho reveal only came in the second half of the Canto.

For two, the framing - Donqui's reveals are treated as what they are, Major Reveals. The Baoyu reveal on the other hand happens in a single off-handed line, with nobody reacting to it in any way. Neither Hong Lu nor the other Sinners seem to hear it after all.

And mind you, it's not like Limbus is opposed to giving us important information in off-handed lines - far from it in fact. Project Moon loves shoving little bits of foreshadowing and reveals you don't realize are reveals until way later in these kinds of off-handed lines. But the way those lines are treated is still very different to how the Baoyu reveal is treated.

Usually, when there's foreshadowing in off-handed lines, it's usually either vague enough to be something a character could say regardless of context (see Yi Sang getting hung up on the Sedatives bit in Canto 2 or Ishmael's comment about Syndicates pretending to be Families foreshadowing her own history with the Middle via Queequeg) or something that is in the middle of a scene that distracts from what is actually being said (like Hong Lu's distortion foreshadowing being in the middle of an important infodump or most of everything in Canto 2 being surrounded by a comedic tone).

None of this is present for the Baoyu reveal. There's nothing to distract you from this information, as the scene is already focused on discussing Hong Lu, meaning you're already likely to be paying attention to what is being said about him. There's also no vagueness about it, there's no way you can brush it off since not only are Wei and Xichun newly introduced characters, but it's a whole ass clearcut namedrop.

The only way I can justify that reveal being there in the form it takes is that it in itself is the distraction. Think about it. Didn't I point it out earlier that this reveal came in the same update as the E.G.O with an extremely Daiyu-coded corrosion design? Wouldn't it make sense for that reveal to be there to lower your guard, make you think you resolved that mystery, only to later on reveal it wasn't the whole story after all?

Hong Lu's Themes of Identity

So this section is a bit more vague than the Daiyuism section, because Hong Lu is the type of guy to just Say Shit all the time. It's basically just. Anything that I find relevant to the idea of Hong Lu's Identity being more complex than him just being a random guy using a pseudonym, with some (but maybe not all) of them directly tying to the idea of Two in One.

"Which one is the real you?"

There are currently two seperate scenes where Hong Lu muses on the idea of someone's identity being in some way vague or obscured.

Is Dante the person or the clock? Is the dreamer the one in the dream or the one who wakes from it? Which you is the real you? Does it even matter if that you will flutter away in the end?

This idea of there being one true self. That even if there are two, there is only one of them that is actually you. Curious, right?

Face-changing dance

During the Canto 2 scene where everyone gives their reasons for whether or not they'd be a good pick for being the one to dance, Hong Lu says this.

Bian lian is a kind of dance literally translated as "face-changing". It involves rapid changes between various masks and make-up to represent different emotions or characters.

Now, it's no secret that Hong Lu is a great actor, as we see in Canto 4, and Canto 7 shows how the comparison to theatre and actors can be used to symbolize one's performance of identity, as it does for Sancho and her Don Quixote persona.

Mind you, this reveal comes in the same scene as Sinclair's dance invoking the image of a bonfire burning all through the night according to the Mariachis, a clear foreshadowing to Canto 3 and the Literal burning down of Sinclair's home.

Hong Lu knowing bian lian could be further foreshadowing to his own skills in deception, and how he too is a sort of actor, not unlike Don Quixote. On the other hand however, it could also be a more literal foreshadowing, that he (Baoyu) Quite Literally changed his face. We won't know until Canto 8, but it is an option you know.

The HamHamPangPang dish(es)

For those who don't know, here is a list of the Sinner-themed dishes that were available at HamHamPangPang.

Now, chances are, not all of them have deep meanings. I don't think there's much of a deep meaning to Heathcliff and Ishmael's dishes, I think PJM just legit don't know much about British/American cuisine so they just picked something recogniseable.

However, not all of them are meaningless picks either. Ryoshu, likely a mother, has a meal literally called "parent-and-child donburi". Don Quixote, a Bloodfiend, has a garlic-based dish. These were clearly done on purpose.

So, what does it say that Hong Lu's dish is actually two different dishes? That he's the only one whose dish is two different dishes? And it's not like the two are in some way inherently connected, since they're of completely different cuisines. Japchae is a Korean dish, not Chinese like the Mandarin rolls.

And just in case you weren't convinced that Hong Lu's choice of dishes is purposeful - another name for Mandarin rolls is flower buns, and one of the special occasions japchae is commonly served for is weddings. If you had read through the Daiyuisms section and somehow have no idea what the significance of that is, I don't know what to tell you.

The Daiyu-Baoyu Theory (finally)

So. I gave some evidence for why I think Hong Lu could still be Daiyu despite being revealed as Baoyu. I gave some evidence for why I think Hong Lu could be a Two in One deal, or that at the very least there's something more complex going on with his identity. But let's discuss the theory itself, how it would recontextualize certain things, and why I think it's an extremely fitting an thematically resonant direction for Hong Lu's Canto to go in.

The Theory

Here's what I speculate is going on.

Daiyu, just like in DOTRC, is someone who was taken in into the Jia Household rather than born in it, and who strongly connected with Baoyu upon meeting him. The two would end up forming a bond strong enough that they would be willing to die for one another (or, if they're in particularly argumentative moods, to kill themselves just to force the other to have to live a long life grieving over them - this is an actual argument they have in DOTRC and I pray to god this is adapted into Limbus because it's too fucking funny).

At some point, Baoyu either dies or is brought to near death, likely through the same circumstances as in DOTRC - being beaten by his Father. To save him, his memories and consciousness would be transferred to his eye, a process not dissimilar to the one Xichun brings up in Canto 7, and implanted into Daiyu's body, causing them to become a vessel for Baoyu. This would be how Hong Lu as he is now is created.

All of the above is the main basis for this theory. Everything else that I might speculate about, such as the exact nature of the two's relationship, Daiyu's more exact background and personality, how their pre-reincarnation lives could be adapted - all of those are things that are purely speculative and ones that I don't really expect to be actually fulfilled. The only bits that I am sure are likely to be true is what I laid out above.

So... what does it all mean for the future? I'm glad you asked!

The Recontextualization

Here's a collection of just a couple of things that Hong Lu has said or is depicted as that would be heavily recontextualized if this theory ends up being true.

Hong Lu surviving despite claiming he didn't fight back when his siblings first tried to kill him: With the context that he used to be two seperate people, the answer to how he survived is made very simple. Baoyu is the one who wasn't fighting back. Daiyu, however, could have still protected him in turn.

The red ribbon on Hong Lu's weapon: There is only one other Sinner who has a similar decoration on their weapon - Ryoshu, who also has a red ribbon on her sword, which could be easily connected to Yuzuki and her death. With the context of Hong Lu being Baoyu occupying Daiyu's body and thus effectively rendering their self non-existent, the red ribbon could be a parallel symbol - a symbol of Daiyu and their 'death'.

How Hong Lu treats his weapon in his base E.G.O: The way Hong Lu holds his weapon in the illustration is more like he's cradling another person. This could be a representation of how he feels about Daiyu's situation. Likewise, in the attack animation, he's not really attacking with the weapon itself, is he? He's simply using it to direct a ribbon (which in itself is missing in the illustration), the part that is actually the attack. If the weapon in the base E.G.O represents Daiyu, this could be a parallel to how Baoyu feels like he's merely directing Daiyu's body to attack, rather than being the one actually attacking.

The duality of Hong Lu IDs: There is a notable pattern among Hong Lu IDs, and that is the focus on his attitude to violence. When he's in a situation where he's obedient towards his Family, he's either uninterested in violence, bored of it, or otherwise given no other choice but to use it as a reprieve from boredom. However, when he's in a situation where he's disconnected from his Family or otherwise questioning the status quo, he's shown to not only be much more aggressive and violent, but to outright enjoy it. With the context of Hong Lu being composed of two people, this duality could represent each of his components - the obedient and violence-averse being more Baoyu-like, while the questioning and violence-favoring being more Daiyu-like.

So, there's a bunch of stuff that would be given new meaning under the premise of this theory being true. But now, what about the future? What would this theory mean for the themes and ending of Canto 8?

The Resolution

I believe this is how the Daiyu-Baoyu theory will affect Canto 8.

At some point, whether before or during the Canto, it will be revealed that Hong Lu is both Daiyu and Baoyu. There will be an attempt to seperate the two, perhaps to implant Baoyu into a more fitting, more Jia Family-approved Vessel. Perhaps because the 'arranged marriage' from DOTRC could be adapted into something more... let's say Fear and Hunger kind of marriage rather than traditional marriage.

This will leave Hong Lu to be returned to their state as Daiyu, who will be revealed to be a very different person to what the Sinners knew Hong Lu as. There is a non-zero chance that Daiyu will be unable to hear Dante or be revived by them due to the one who signed the contract being Baoyu, and so they could end up acting as an uncontrollable ally unit not unlike Xichun in Canto 7.

The climax would then be Daiyu and Baoyu reuniting and being unwilling to part with each other again, even for the sake of returning to being the fake persona that is Hong Lu, leading to a potential duo boss fight/distortion boss fight/duo distortion boss fight.

The ending would be the two of them deciding to embrace their new identity as Hong Lu and truly becoming one, discarding their pasts and the selves that had been forced on them by the Jia Family. This ending would have a twofold meaning regarding how it connects to the DOTRC adaptation.

One - it would be a direct parallel to the ending of DOTRC where Baoyu leaves to become a monk. By becoming Hong Lu and discaring his previous identities, he'd be leaving behind the earthly attachments inherent to being Baoyu and Daiyu and become spiritually whole.

Two - it would be a reflection of the major theme of DOTRC, that being "Truth becomes fiction when the fiction's true. Real becomes not-real when the unreal's real." Hong Lu, as a person, is a 'fake' persona used by the 'real' Baoyu and Daiyu. However, by discarding those two identities and deciding to just be Hong Lu, the fiction of his existence becomes the truth, while his former real selves become not real.

Conclusion?

I could honestly just keep going with this post, but I think I'm going to stop myself here before I'm forced to find out what tumblr's character limit on posts is. Believe me, I was trying to be brief, and still this post is. This fucking long.

I hope this explains why this theory has been the subject of my brainrot for the past however long, and why I feel like it's surprisingly plausible despite being as deranged as it is.

Godspeed and godbless, I have classes tomorrow and I'm spending my time on this.

[mcflymemes]

DRAGON AGE: THE VEILGUARD PROMPTS PT 1 *  assorted dialogue from the first hour of the video game

somebody's gotta stop him... and that's where you come in.

so... where were we?

our story begins where all great stories begin: with the seediest bar in town and a missing contact.

let's try this again.

you think you can come into my bar and make demands?

i'm not leaving until i know where she is.

be ready to talk by the time i get to you.

darling... you're adorable.

for the record, there was probably an easier way to do that than fighting an entire bar.

what'd i have to worry about? you were there watching my back.

break's over.

something must have gotten them riled up.

should we be in more of a hurry to get out of here?

i have to talk him down.

are they after us?

we don't have time to get arrested.

you're safe now. get inside and bar the doors.

there are a lot of scared people out here.

what about you two? are you okay?

have you got my gear?

can you get us there, [name]?

this is nowhere near my neighborhood.

eyes up! we've got company!

used to fight these assholes every day.

i'm back on the job.

isn't that a coincidence?

you said you had a lead?

that's where your man is hiding.

you told me he was working alone.

i'll take it from here.

take care of the team for me.

hope i'm not interrupting.

let's buy him some time.

i have taken precautions to minimize the damage.

people are dying right now.

you need to listen. please.

people are always dying. it is what they do.

shit. we need a better plan.

what if we disrupt the ritual?

the storm could tear you apart.

you came a long way and made a valiant effort.

this story does not end in my downfall.

you have no idea what you have done.

i know what i did.

i was not destroying the world.

why am i here?

had i the power to control you, i would have already used it.

get out of my head!

i do not want to be here any more than you do.

what are you talking about?

thanks to you, though, i am now trapped.

you were innocently doing nothing when we came along.

[name] always said you'd have a big explanation for why none of this was your fault.

i am certain you will be fine.

you don't get to sit back and look smug!

what else could i possibly do?

you will soon see what i was trying to prevent.

this is your responsibility now.

look who's still with us!

trust me. i've had worse. gonna take more than a flesh wound to stop me.

turns out, you were right.

the plan did go a little wrong.

i should have come up with a better plan.

you worked with what you had. and you succeeded, by the way.

[name]. you've got this. i've seen your work.

there's a reason i dragged you into this whole mess.

you're clever. adaptable. and you don't know when to quit.

sorry, i didn't mean to barge in.

i really need to look around.

we should talk about things.

i'll work with it. you know me.

maybe our paths haven't crossed, but i know our work has.

we've just got to start somewhere.

this is a dangerous job. everyone knew that signing on.

you don't slow down for much, do you?

let's stop worrying about me and go do that.

come get me when you're ready to go.

you're sure that wasn't just a dream?

i'm not certain of anything.

we're not out of danger.

we need to get out there and stop them.

we can't just sit here and do nothing.

we need to investigate. figure out what we're dealing with before we rush in and make things worse.

this time, if we see a shot, we take it.

you sure you're up for this?

it's not working! i can't contain it!

you all were supposed to stop him.

it didn't go as cleanly as we hoped.

things just got a whole lot worse.

let's just say they weren't known for their kindness.

you're in no condition to fight.

[seumyo]

SAKUSA KIYOOMI ✰ 8:56

NOTE. I am now proposing Haikyuu boys with their Oldest (or Older) sister! Reader and how that dynamic goes . . inspired by this TikTok video.

Sakusa Kiyoomi, when had too many drinks at the post-wedding reception of his oldest sister, is a whole different person when completely sober. And in the rare times that he does get drunk (to no one’s surprise, he’s actually lightweight), he gets a little (a little is an understatement) sentimental and vulnerable.

It just happens; it’s not like he has any control over his raw emotions.

“What was that?” Motoya asks his cousin.

Kiyoomi had been sobbing for half an hour now, his cheeks blooming with a slight rosy hue and his eyes brimming with tears as he wiped them away with his hands—like how a crying toddler would. “Onee-san got married,” he cried through muffled hiccups.

“She’s going to start her own family.”

“And what’s gonna happen?”

“We’re never going to see each other again.”

This side of Kiyoomi was definitely quality entertainment. He rarely ever held his heart and emotions on his sleeves, but tonight was a particular exception. But then again, it was a little surprising how attached he was to his oldest sister considering how big their age gap was.

It could be that, among his siblings, the oldest of the four practically raised Kiyoomi. His older sister and brother were always too busy to play with him because of the obvious difference in their ages as well as their different developmental stages. When Kiyoomi was four, his older sister was ten, his older brother was twelve, and you—his oldest sister—were sixteen at that time.

You were always the one to entertain him whenever you got home from school, spend time with him in the manor’s library, and encourage him to make new friends (before Motoya came along and visited more often) so he wouldn’t be as lonely as he used to. So it was natural that he was much closer to you than his own parents.

“Do you want to say bye again?” Motoya suggested.

“No,” Kiyoomi sniffled, shaking his head. “I already did, it would be too awkward...”

Back in the hotel room, Motoya and Kiyoomi’s older brother—Kino—made sure he didn’t randomly collapse on the way back. They didn’t have to worry about that because Kiyoomi was quite compliant and just kept on talking about how he was going to miss you.

And of course, Kino, being the teasing little shit he was at his grown age, decided to film Kiyoomi’s confessions.

“I’m going to miss Nee-san,” he murmured.

At this point, Motoya and Kino thought that Kiyoomi’s tears were almost at an end, but the whole dam broke when Kino asked, “What’s going to happen to Nee-san?”

“She got married.”

“But that’s how it is—“

“But she’s going to leave the house!” Kiyoomi added, unknowingly folding the freshly ironed blankets the hotel staff provided earlier when they asked for another one. “She was the one who got me to play volleyball,” he said. 

“I never listened to what she had to say because she was annoying sometimes, and now I’m going to miss it.”

“Aw, Kiyo!” Kino chuckled. “That’s how it is; she’s bound to start a family of her own eventually.”

But Kiyoomi couldn’t stomach the fact that he had a little too much to drink. He didn’t understand—he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he would no longer see you when he went home during the weekends if he didn’t have practice; he wouldn’t have to argue with you anymore on who would wash the dishes after supper; he wouldn’t have you cook his favorite dishes anymore.

You wouldn’t come home anymore. You wouldn’t be visiting as often as he’d hoped you would. You wouldn’t visit his games as often as you could because of your job.

The thoughts he was having were antagonizing. They made him feel small and vulnerable, and that familiar feeling of loneliness from his childhood lingers around in the form of a throbbing headache the next morning. Kiyoomi struggles to get through his hangover, but he does his best.

He stares at the mirror in his hotel room’s bathroom, then gets eye drops on his obviously red and still puffy eyes. How much did he cry last night? He doesn’t even remember anything. Kiyoomi doesn’t want to remember if it’s embarrassing. He’d much rather crawl in a hole and never resurface.

Then he sees a message from you.

[video attachment]

Aww, sleep tight, Kiyo :((

Don’t forget that I’ll always be your sister even if we don’t share the same last name anymore or even if I’m not around as often as I wished I could! You could always visit us, ok? Just text me if you need anything!

And just like that, Kiyoomi’s in tears once again.

SEUMYO © 2024, PLEASE DO NOT REPOST, PLAGIARIZE, MODIFY OR TRANSLATE.

[words-4u]

down to their bones

pairing: jordan li x f!reader

wc: 875

warnings: none, a bit angsty, minor jealousy, lots of fluff

a/n: listened to your bones by clesea culter while writing this and kind of used it as an inspo - don't have to listen to it but you should for vibes especially near the end

hero ethics was once a class you were excited for but now that you were a month into the course, you realize it's not at all what you expected.

all you do is watch a shit ton of videos and theorize hypotheticals, there's nothing even remotely physical involved which is what you really wanted the most.

instead here you were with lia, your partner for an upcoming presentation that dean shetty insisted the class do after she took over for brink. 

“you know i still can’t believe shetty wants us to speak for 20 full minutes on ‘aero dynamics of human flight’” you said looking at the late professor brink’s book before tossing it to the side. “i can’t even fly!”

“well, i can and it doesn’t take a rocket science to figure out how,” lia laughed. she was sprawled on your double bed that was littered with two copies of the book, laptops, pens and little stickies. “i’m a hands on learner, i need to be out there in the open skies.”

she fell back on your bed and in to a fake daydream. 

“i think someone needs to get their head out of the clouds and help me with this presentation or else we’ll fail,” you leaned in playfully tapping her forehead with a highlighter. of course this is the exact most your significant other, jordan, walks in to your room.

“uuuh…hello?” jordan said. they walked in clearly having come back from the gym, in their baggy shorts, cropped blue sweater and their short bob in a ponytail.

they were expecting to find you on your own, wanting to spend the rest of the evening with you, not to find you on your bed with another girl.

“hi babe,” you raced to jordan and placed your hands on their shoulders as you kissed them. you knew something was off the second they didn’t kiss back and you were right because as you pulled back, their eyes were glued to your bed. where lia was. 

“i’m sorry, and who are you?” jordan snapped. you were slightly taken aback because this was a side of jordan you haven't seen.

“jordan, that’s lia, my partner for hero ethics and lia this is jordan, my partner outside of hero ethics and everything else,” you smiled between the two people in your room.

“yeah, they are ranked number 5 in the whole school, y/n, i know who they are. i just didn’t know you were dating a star student,” lia said looking impressed. 

“you didn’t know?” jordan parroted. “she didn’t know?”

“we got paired up like 4 hours ago on this project. it wasn’t exactly at the top of my list of things to speak to her about.”  you whispered. 

you turned to lia. “um, i’m just gonna talk to jordan outside for like 5 minutes, you can take a break if you want.”

lia gave two thumps up before pulling out her vphone.

you grabbed jordan by the wrist and dragged them out of your dorm and into the hall way. there were a couple students walking up and down the hall and some more in a corner chatting about the latest viral video from the Seven but overall it was empty enough to have this much needed conversation.

by the time you shut your door, jordan had shifted to their male form.

“what the hell is wrong you?” you asked poking their shoulder. 

jordan clenched their jaw. “what are you talking about?”

“w-what am i talking about?” you asked back. “i’m talking about the fact that lia is lucky you don’t have laser eyes or she’d fucking toast. literally!”

“i walk into your room and you have another girl on your bed, y/n, how am i supposed to feel?”

the look on their face was suddenly transparent and it dawned on you.

“you’re jealous? over a classmate? is that it?” you asked, this time your voice carrying a softer tone. 

jordan didn’t look too pleased with the fact that they let something so trivial get to them.

“j, use your words,”

“you guys just looked so close,” they said looking at you with their big brown eyes.

you sighed. “well, we’re not. but we do need to get along cause this project is worth 30% and you know your girl can’t and won’t fail,” you said which caused them to smile a bit.

“besides,” you continued pushing their back against the wall and wrapping your hands around their neck. “i’m sort of already in love with someone, like right down to their bones, and as long as they are in my life no one else stands a chance.”

jordan leaned their forehead against yours. “i’m sorry for how i reacted. it was shitty.”

“apology accepted,” you whispered. “now give me a kiss. a proper one this time,”

jordan brushed their lips against your before kissing the air out of you. it was getting a little too hot for two people standing in a hallway and you were never one for major pda so you pulled away smiling.

“okay now you're just being a distraction,” you grinned up at them.

“okay, fine i’ll go but just to make sure, it was me who you were talking about, right?”

you chuckled playfully shoving them down the hall. “yes, you big idiot. now go and come back in 2 hours when you can really make it up to me.”

jordan smirked. “i’ll be counting down the seconds."

if you want to request something, there's a link in my bio (the more detailed the better <3)

[struwberrii]

semi headcanons ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

here are some random general headcanons for semi eita my underrated king :3 (also pls it’s actually so hard to read this guys personality BEAR WITH ME!!)

look at this man and tell me he doesn’t play guitar

his notes app is literally filled with random lyrics and guitar riffs

also i can imagine him having a mac book and his photo booth app is just vids of him covering songs and playing guitar

it’s canon that tendou thinks his style kinda sucks so i imagine him just owning some of the most horrendous graphic t-shirts

likes taking walks in wooded areas and just listening to music and getting lost in thought

i feel like he would be the type of guy to make every conversation with someone he doesn’t rlly know too well super awkward

like the type of guy to say “you too!” when a server say enjoy your food

he gives me middle child vibes and i feel like he’d have an older brother who introduced him to cool bands and guitar

probably the type of guy to randomly get super philosophical

i feel like he’d be super gullible on certain topics too, like he probably believed a lot of those dumb internet shams for an absurd amount of time

would def judge your music taste silently then try to put you onto his favs

always in a bad mood/irritated but the second someone compliments him or is nice to him he’s wagging his tail

movie fanatic, he has seen every movie on the planet

i also feel like he’s 2011 older brother core, ykwim?

failing in school and knows he’s gonna have a hard time if he doesn’t get it together but has no motivation

beat up doc marten boots wearer

i honestly feel like he’d be kinda rude unintentionally and then be confused as to why people are calling him mean

also it’s canon that he’s in the lowest class at shiratorizawa so you already KNOW he’s a scholarship boy because no way he got in for those grades 😭😭😭

probably goes to the gym like twice a week because he forgets

spends literally 3 hours to do the simplest homework because every little thing distracts him

always smells like musky apples or rotten fruit for some reason

genuinely a chill person to be around if you understand his humor

pretends to play drums with his pencils on his desk

will stop talking mid conversation if he thinks of a good song lyric to write down

i feel like he would think he’s really deep and wise but he’s actually just kind of clueless 😭

mario kart champ

definitely the type of guy to get easily talked into doing stupid things like ufo hunting at 2 am on a school day

i actually imagine him to have a really deep and smooth singing voice (i could actually write a whole drabble abt band au semi)

probably has the worst diet ever, bro is eating leftover pizza for breakfast lunch dinner AND snacks

always thinking about his future but never doing anything to better his situation

has the comfiest sweaters but you’ll have to ignore the holes and questionable stains in weird places

type of guy to ruin your concert videos because his singing is so bad and off key

i also feel like his room would be really weirdly decorated, like he’d have a stolen stop sign up as decoration and then like holes punched in his walls and missing light bulbs

always has a lighter on him for some reason

also always has a headache

i feel like he’d also have a lot of instagram followers for some reason, like a couple thousand and he doesn’t even really post anything

the type of guy to constantly be thinking about how he could be doing better/more when his friends share good news and accomplishments with him

i feel like he’d have a pet lizard or frog yk :]

[system-of-a-feather]

Full Integration, Final Fusion, Functional Multiplicitly, and General "Spirituality"

(Disclaimer: this is a very long post)

Heyyo, this is a bit of a hodgepodge of connected topics that I was thinking on this morning. For those that don't know, after like three months of being a really solid fused whole, we really decided that we needed to redivide back into our core parts to recenter, rebalance, and reorganize ourselves since our fused whole was loosing sight / vision of the "plot". We don't consider this "splitting" because we are still in - what we like to call "full integration" - and we don't really engage in much dissociation when we do this as the means of how we do this largely stems from the way we perceive, engage with, and view the concept of "self" and "identity." Our system highly values the mastery and art of a very fluid and ever changing sense of identity and self. This morning - thank you Chunn brain for batting our collective brain from the usual urge to get out of bed and get started with our day to give us time to really sit with our inner selves - we spent about an hour and a half and a small half hour nap just laying there thinking among ourselves and I wanted to share a few.

I think at the moment I am still mostly a fused whole and I had considered trying to go to Ray or Lin for them to write this, but it didn't feel right to go to Ray brain and Lin brain directly told me "Dude, this thought line started with Riku-dominant fused brain, trying to have someone else write it would be a disservice to the reflection. Let Riku or Riku-dominant fused brain do it, it's their thought." and you know, fair point. I think I'll use this post as a temporary "bye few thoughts" and love letter to our parts as a fused whole before leaving it to the individual specialists to do their things.

So introduction to this post aside, hello and temporary soon to be farewell before I choose to temporarily redivide into my main parts. Today is May 15, 2024 and I'm gonna document this a bit for when I come back whenever that is and kind of see if my fused-whole perspective and nature changes - mostly for myself. Online I go by Feathers, irl I just go by our chosen name.

I'm a (mostly, technically non-denominational independent, but most of my views and perspectives come from and align closely with) Zen Buddhist. I'm nonbinary vaguely transmasc (not really though?) intersex individual with the pronouns of they/them. I am extremely pro-endo and if I honestly felt like sticking around longer, I was thinking about writing a much more nuanced essay on tulpa-terminology discourse with my current reflections as a fused whole and as a pretty avid Buddhist but, unforunately, unless one of my parts still shares the same insight AND interest, that essay will have to wait for me to potentially be back (hey, Riku or Chunn might still want to who knows). I dunno what else to say, I love bird, Bleach, walking, driving, listening to music, video games, writing, art? I dunno man, I'm just me.

Documentation aside anyways, I gotta figure out where I want to start. I think I will actually piss my high-school English teachers off and start with the LAST thing in the title card. I might loose a lot of close minded white anti-endos here, but hey, if you are that close minded, then its your loss cause I'm just talking about late-stage recovery as a person with diagnosed DID that is considered polyfragmented. It's a fun conversation to have with other people with DID aiming for recovery so, if you're hell bent on hating people talking about plurality form a non-DID lens enough to disregard cool information, that's your loss. (Thank you XIV brain, crediting that to you for part of our goal today)

Buddhism, Spirituality, Plurality and Our Perspective of Full Integration

According to Buddhism, and one of the largest concepts and principles of Buddhism that we believe the most in and actively work to practice and cultivate the mindset of - is that the concept of "I" and the concept of a singular, distinct, and separate self from the world and others simply does not exist - only the experience and illusion of experience exists. I was talking about it with @quoigenicfromhell in DMs since they were interested in talking shop about Buddhism.

To save myself a whole effort of rewriting a discussion on how one can hold together the clear sensation of existing and being an individual with the idea and Buddhist understanding that the "self" does not exist, I'm going to copy a little bit of what I wrote in response to them. If it doesn't make sense cause its in a bit of Buddhist jargon, then oh well, I'm lazy, it's written for an audience that has done some reading and looking into Buddhist thought so RIP yall srry not srry (Thank you Chunn brain lol)

Honestly the development and understanding of holding those two things together (the non-self and non-existence with the clear experience of self and existence) is largely a lot of exploration on the understanding and respect for the experience without applying too much value or regard to said experience. Its kind of a hard thing to understand just based off of words alone and like all things Buddhism, its one of those sorts of things you really gotta sit on and explore in your own mental space, but like

The experience of self and personhood and existence is a denied concept in Buddhist thought, but its not a bad or incorrect thing, the experience of self and existence is kind of considered an inherent expression of life and the world and while its important to be cognicent that it is an illusion that can cause suffering and muddy an individuals ability to see Things As They Are, the experience and illusion of self is additionally an entirely natural thing to experience and is an important part of being able to, well, be

I kinda of personally perceive it kind of similarly to say a part in a system. Innately the part is not (at least in my experiences of systemhood) a literal entire separate being and thats an important thing to acknowledge for a number of reasons (life organization and direction, system accountability, etc) but its would also be incredibly foolish to completely ignore that the part operates, experiences themselves, and lives in the world (both inner and outer) as if they were an individual of their own

In the same sense that a part in a system can be seen both as an individual and a part of a whole / collective depending on what perspective and demands the moment needs. An individual can be seen both as the individual expression of a self informed by the arguably incorrect illusion of isolation OR as a part of the whole worlds expression depending on what serves the moment the best. I largely kind of see myself as part of a system that is the world much like I see my parts as part of a system that is "me". While the self may be an illusion, its not an experience that can be denied and it is an innate expression that in its own right can prove to be a great teacher So you deny the concept of a self but respect and revere the experience and innate natural expression of self

With that context in mind, while we do not believe in the concept of self and find that trying to seek out a concrete idea of a singular person and singular self in society is a source of extreme suffering, stress, and displeasure, we DEEPLY revere and honor the expression of self. As we see it, in a complete ideal and impossible the world would be in perfect harmony if we let the world express itself as it naturally does. We find that the experiences of self - in whatever form they take - are inherent and natural expressions of the world as a whole and to try to shape oneself to fit a specific image - may that be societally imposed or internally / personally imposed or a sense of envy or any sort of clinging or desire to a specific version / image of self - is a disrespect to the innate beauty found in the natural expression and a means of adding disharmony into the world.

As a result, our system and whole aims deeply, above almost all else to exist simply as we naturally would in any moment time to time. If we find that something we are doing with our sense of self is drawn and influenced too much on a "I should" or "I want" or "I wish" or "I hope" then we tend to pause, self reflect, and ask if we are actually existing in our natural state, or are we trying to fight against our natural state of self to fit into a self-imposed idea of what we "should be".

As a result of that, our system deeply values our flexibility, fluidity, and ability to change any aspect of ourselves, any opinion we hold, any identity label we consider, and our overall presentation in all ways and forms to a very high level. The desire to be consistent and predictable serves us little in simply practicing on "being" and finding the true and simply-run life that we want. That then results in why our system so casually flips around in system size, fusions, redivisions, how we refer to ourselves, etc. We find very little value in committing to labels and concepts and do whatever is natural for us.

Additionally, another large aspect of Buddhism our system deeply reveres and appreciates is the acknowledgement that there are "Buddhas" - or in less Jargon terms, potential for everything both internal and external to be teachers and guides into finding a sense of peace and simplicity in the world - and that it is deeply important to cultivating peace, happiness, and insight to actively always be seeking out the "Buddha" in everything and everyone. It's important to reflect, engage with, and talk with those "Buddhas" as they are the best and number one way to gain the insight that brings happiness and peace into life and removes excessive suffering and stress.

As many Buddhists agree (at least of the Mahayanan branches), everyone is inherently a Buddha because the world and everything is a Buddha. The only issue people have is that they can not connect, hear, and see clearly enough to be in that state due to a large number of human conditions - one large one being the aforementioned illusion of self.

Having lived my life as someone with DID and having gone through a lot of trauma therapy, self reflection, communication and coordination with my parts, and all that to the point we have reached functional multiplicity over a year plus ago and been able to hold a fully fused state for over three months, I feel like its a given to say that of ALL things in the world, the "Buddha nature" of my parts have been the best and most insightful teachers I've ever had. We revere each other's strengths and specialties greatly as each of us have taught the other great strengths, great understandings, great insights, and great appreciations that have collectively brought us so much peace and happiness. It's not to say any part is "enlightened" because each part is also deeply flawed and struggling in their own realms, but it is largely by working and talking and supporting one another and ACTIVELY looking to one another for insight and lessons about the world and our existence that we are able to reach a uniquely peaceful space.

For us, its an incredibly important practice - both for self care and in the art / spirituality of Buddhism - to regularly talk and engage with these specialized and uniquely-wise (and uniquely stupid - thank you XIV) parts of ourselves to gain deeper insight and overall understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

In the same sense, it is why - despite being completely capable of operating as a fully fused whole - we regularly choose to INTENTIONALLY redivide into our parts. And no, its not us "splitting again" or even really throwing up any real level of dissociation / dissociative barriers. If anything, we usually do this through meditation and mindfulness.

It's a Buddhist practice, its not a mental disorder and its not stemming from the same mechanism's DID stems from. It might operate *based* on the foundation our history with DID stems from, but at this point in our healing, the way our system operates at functional multiplicity that is intentionally chosen to be that way AFTER reaching "final fusion" has a number of differences from how it operated before we reached general full integration.

Again, for those more familiar with the tulpa-terminology discussion, you might be able to see where I would have a long post delving into a highly nuanced and more middle-ground perspective of that syscourse from the paragraph above this one, but I'm gonna leave that cause I already know this post is long and it would detract from the purpose.

At this point, my system is mostly an "intentionally created one" to Western label standards. We personally do not see any significance or binary in plural VS singular people beyond it being a label some people identify with and not. Plural VS Singular is a false binary perpetuated in white, western, and european society and while I respect that perspective and view in a space that is primarily filled with white, western, and/or european individuals, I am going to firmly state that and expect you to give me that same respect. (and if you refuse to give me that same respect, then you are close minded and being very white / western lmao <- thank you XIV, again)

And so the other related but slightly different topic away from the more philosophical, esoteric, mysticism sounding topic of Buddhism...

Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicitly

At this point, what we used to call "Wishiwashi Recovery" we kind of have taken to just calling "full integration" generally as a means of really breaking apart the suggested categorical and boxed binary of "final fusion" and "functional multiplicity" as our own experience and discussion with other systems at and near full integration have made us realize that the difference between functional multiplicity and final fusion is FAR more a spectrum than it is two seperate categories. Some systems stick to one end, some to the others, but the largest difference is in external and internal expression of the parts and less any fundamental or biological / clinical difference; at least not in terms of integration. (Note: Integration =/= Fusion; Integration is the general connectivity and accessibility of parts with less / limited / no dissociation)

It's a false binary to say Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity and its why a lot of the "ones bad and ones good" syscourse is dumb. They're two heads of the same Doduo and they should be kissing. (JOKING, thank you Riku-Aya brain)

With that said, our system, as we've made clear, regularly and freely practices sliding and flying all over that spectrum as just how we like to engage with ourselves. We change between the two as we see fit and having spent probably like 9~ months in functional multiplicity and 3~ months in final fusion I wanted to share some pros and cons of both sides.

I would also like to put a disclaimer that this isn't meant to be "positives and why this side sucks" as much as it is the differences in life style according to our opinion and our experience. Both final fusion and functional multiplicity are absolutely WONDERFUL things overall and we love both states. If we got "stuck" in either, we would still be immensely happy. The purpose of this part is just to share certain differences in how we experience the two different ends. The Cons in these case are only "cons" relative to the "alternative" and not "to not ever reaching either"

Functional Multiplicity Pros:

A lot more clear and direct communication between parts internally that allows for a SHIT ton of internal banter, productive conversation about complex topic and perspectives from unique and diverse perspectives; the communication is a lot more intentional and a lot more in focus so its easier to properly sit and attend to the complex differences and sometimes conflicting directions

It's honestly just a lot of fun, not gonna lie. A lot more dramatic and extravagant expression + brain friends in a more overt sense

Easier to let certain parts of the brain take "breaks" - it's not the same as it is with not-fully-integrated DID but compared to Full Fusion, certain parts of the brain can "tune out" easier than not

More palatable to DID / OSDD spaces online

Easier to focus and use a wide variety of skills, interests, hobbies, and thinking patterns by simply just having a specialist part take their look at it

Generally easier to target specific boxes to look into as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Pros:

Quick and a lot more inherent understanding of all parts on a general gut level without necessarily needing to fully think about everything and listen to every opinion and perspective; there is a lot more of an inherent understanding, trust, and awareness of the collective whole which makes decision making and seeing whats good for the system as a whole a lot easier

It's honestly way more calming, relaxing, and solid feeling. There is a unique sense of confidence, understanding, and trust within yourself and you have a HUGE arsenal of skills and interests that come from the combined parts that you've lived as

You are a lot more present and aware of your life and you actually get to live YOUR life and have all parts of yourself be engaged in life; no part feels really left behind or is caught off guard from having their brain partially turned off. The awareness is really present and engagement is so much more complete.

More palatable in real life and non-DID/OSDD spaces

Easier to simultaneously use skills from multiple parts at once; very much a jack of all trades all at once situation

Generally easier to integrate multiple complex and otherwise seemingly detatched boxes of memory and the past as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Functional Multiplicity Cons:

Takes more intention, focus, and often time to get the same level of full understanding of the whole system when making decisions. It can be slow and it requires a lot more internal engagement which can make it harder to be fully present in life

Sometimes you can get what I call "lite" amnesia where a part was not paying attention and doesn't fully process what was going on / what is going on and so sometimes you get poor attention-driven "amnesia". It's small and easily recovered by simply going "hold up wait" and thinking back or asking another part

Harder to use skills from different parts at the same time; albeit definitely still possible and only "harder" relative to final fusion

Generally harder / requires intentional discussion between parts to integrate multiple complex boxes as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Cons:

Less direct and overt bantering and discussion between parts (still present by the way, just less frequent and less overt). It can be a little less fun (still is fun cause they are sill there) and it can be a bit harder to fully see the extent of a more extreme perspective

It can be tiring and overwhelming to be aware and present so much for so long if you were accustomed to the breaks DID / OSDD tends to give parts

Easier to forget to use a lot of the skills and hobbies that may have been more niche to less-dominant and less-prominent parts; you don't "loose" the skills, you just aren't accustomed to using them as much so you can just kinda forget to use them

Harder to focus on a targetted recovered memory / information that you want to process and can sometimes be a bit overwhelming trying to connect a number of things at once

And this is all just to say that both are absolutely astonishing and great places to mentally be. The main point is that - for us - sometimes one state works better for us in the moment and another state works better for us later and that's completely cool cause - as aforementioned - the difference between plural vs singular is not a binary one for us anyways.

Anyways, I don't know how to wrap this up so I'mma just post it

Ideally today we will focus on cultivating our independent parts and return to Functional Multiplicity end of the spectrum so I guess tata for now

-Feathers

EDIT and PS: Anyone is allowed to add their thoughts to this so long it is in good faith.

[bbrissonn]

𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐮 - 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫 𝐳𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐬 (𝟏)

╰┈➤kinda nervous lol, making this on sept 22 at 11:51 pm. i came up with this idea for an au after seeing this post from @edwardslvrr like 2 hours ago

╰┈➤ october 8th bri bri here, decided to post this cause why not, it's all i've been thinking about since i started this au in my draft and i really want to make it public so yeah :))) hope you enjoy !!

╰┈➤ pairing: trevor zegras x ex!singer!reader

╰┈➤ masterlist

༊*·˚

-SEPTEMBER 1ST, 2023-

༊*·˚

: ̗̀➛ alannaoregon has posted on instagram for the first time in a while

alannaoregon

liked by jamie.drysdale and 1.8M others

alannaoregon so excited to announce that my sophomore album Tired of U comes out on October 13th !! this has been a work for almost 6 months and i cant wait for all of you to hear it. starting off with “i regret you everyday” coming out September 22th

much love, lana 🩵

view all 5,042 comments

becky.rivera GO BEST FRIEND

alannaoregon @/becky.rivera I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND

user83 NEW MUSIC NEW MUSIC

jamie.drysdale so proud

alannaoregon @/jamie.drysdale love you little one

user920 soooo we all agree on who all of these are gonna be about right…?

user726 trevor went from having 12 love songs written about him, to 14 breakup song 🫢

user02 @/user726 from obsessed with you to tired of u..

sabrinacarpenter so happy to be by ur side and see u grow, cant wait for everyone these masterpieces 🩷

alannaoregon @/sabrinacarpenter love you so much 🩷

user53 the way lana always uses a blue or white heart, but always a pink one for sabrina 🥹

user836 @/user53 glad im not the only one who noticed

user637 BAHAHAHA LIKE 10 OF TREVORS FRIEND LIKED THIS

load more…

༊*·˚

: ̗̀➛ alanna oregon posted a new youtube video

“Becky bring your butt over here.” Alanna called out, placing her camera on the counter of her bathroom. Her skincare products in front of her as Becca made her way into the room, waving at the camera once she was in frame.

"I'm here, I'm here." The Rivera girl said as Alanna grabbed her first product and started applying it to her face.

"Hi cuties, it's me, Lana." The singer said in a weird voice, one she used in every intro. Becca snorted a bit, making her best friend giggle a bit. "I am back with my girl Becky."

"That's me."

"And today, we're gonna take for a lake day with us. And through out the day, I am gonna explaining every single song from my next album, Tired of u, that comes out on October 14th." Alanna explained as she moved onto her second product. Next to her, Becca was nodding along to what she way saying, a proud smile on her face.

"Go pre-save it, guys!"

"And we're gonna be starting with a single, I regret you everyday, coming out on September 20th."

"Not gonna lie, I think that's one of my fav." Becky said as Alanna moved onto her third product. The singer had already made her best friend listen to the whole album, but the girl was there for the writing and producing process so she already had a good idea of what the song were like.

"So, I regret you everyday is a pretty self explanatory title for the song. It's pretty much about regretting ever getting into a relationship with someone, let alone even meeting them even if it's something you can't control." The girl started as she applied her sunscreen gently to her skin. "I think it was the second song I finished writing, maybe like a week after my break-up."

"Wasn't it two weeks?"

"I dunno know, doesn't matter. I was just crying on Becky's couch one day and just came up with it, she helped me write some of the lines."

"You can call me Shakespeare now." The Rivera girl joked, causing her best friend to giggle once again.

"Any who, I picked that song to be a single because I think it really gives off the vibe of what the album is gonna be. Also, because Becky said she'd hit me if I didn't put-"

"Lies!"

"If I didn't put out as a single. So, yeah, now you know!" Alanna continued, ignoring the look her best friend was giving her. She quickly cut the camera after that, laughing at Becca's expression that still hadn't changed.

༊*·˚

The next clip was of the two girls in the kitchen, preparing their breakfast for the day.

"I don't know if we said it before, but we're at Becky's family cottage for the weekend, so we're gonna go swimming this afternoon." Was the first thing said in the clip, Becky in the frame as she broke the eggs. Alanna was in the back, doors of the fridge opened as the looked for the milk.

"Then I am taking her out a date to the porch for dinner with the sunset."

"Fun fact for y'all, the photo on the back of the album was taken by the neighbors of me and Becky. So, thanks to them for their contribution to the album."

"And to my dock for being the front of it." Becca added as she now left the frame and Alanna was now the main focus.

"The next song we're gonna talk about is sunset chasing. Now that song was... very emotional to make, because as some of you might know, I am a whore for sunsets, and sunset chasing was something I did a lot with my ex." The girl started explaining.

"Big big whore for them!"

"In the song, the sunset represents like my relationship with said ex, and how I was like chasing after him and his attention even though we were together for years already. And I guess you could say there's like a double meaning I think, like how sunset chasing turned into me chasing him." She added, smiling slightly had Becca's words.

"I was once again present for the writing of this song and contributed." Becca said, walking back into the frame for a slight second, a proud smile on her face.

༊*·˚

"The birds are trying to eat my food!" Becca yelled out, a loud laughing coming from Alanna as she filmed her best friend shoo away the birds. The two girls were now outside, their breakfast in front of them as they sat on the porch, from which they had a nice view of the lake.

"Becca, don't hurt them!" Alanna said from being the camera, making the girl in question look at her like she was crazy.

"They're going for my food, Lana." There was a cut after that, and then the two girls were sitting around a round table as they slowly ate their food.

"Can I introduce this song?"

"Even if I say no, you'll do it anyways, Becky."

"Damn right I will. Anyways, guys, the next song is called 11 feet behind!" Becca announced to the camera giggling a bit after saying the title of the song. "What's that song about, Lana?" She asked with wiggling eyebrows.

"That song is about always feeling like you're always behind in your relationship. Like people know more what's going on in your relationship than you do, which, fucked up for one, and two really sucks, because it makes you feel like you mean nothing to your partner."

"Guys, let me tell, my girl did not hold back with this one." Becca giggled while talking to the camera. When Alanna had told her best friend she'd be using Trevor's number in one of her song titles, the girl gasped, calling her crazy because of it.

"I am speaking the truth."

"I'm so proud of you, lanny." Becca said randomly, looking over at her best friend. Alanna laughed a bit before giving the girl a big hug, laughing a little.

༊*·˚

"We're getting Starbucks!" Becca yelled out as the next clip started, Alanna's laugh being heard once again. The two of them were now in the car, Becca driving as the other girl sat in the passenger seat, holding the camera so they were both in frame.

"Which is like totally crazy 'cause the next song was written in a Starbucks."

"What a coincidence."

"Right!" The two girl joked, their chuckles echoing in the car before Alanna focused back on the task at hand. "Anyways, it's called Friend Stealer. Long story short, it's about getting dumped by a guy so he can go date one of your friend, that he met through you."

"Snakes." Becky could be heard whispering in the back.

"And the reason why it was written in a Starbucks is because I just wanted to leave my house, get some caffein, and as I was just sitting there thinking about the whole thing, the lyrics just came to me. So, I wrote them down in my notes, typing like a crazy lady on my phone."

"She was gone for like three hours, I was so worried!" Becca said, making Alanna roll her eyes slightly.

"Okay, that's a bit dramatic, I was gone for like, forty-five minutes maybe."

"Still scared me."

"Moving on, that song was probably what helped me really get over my break-up, well more like started the whole moving on process. I was really just writing what I was feeling and yeah, that song was born. It was the first one that I found the melody for, but I think it was like, the forth I wrote, and that's when I decided I was making an album." The singer explained with a shy smile, recalling the happiness she had felt after finally writing out all her anger.

༊*·˚

"We're back in the car! Becky, what'd you get, girl?"

"I got a grande iced coffee with a splash of cream, two pumps of vanilla and two pumps of hazelnut." The girl explained her order, shaking her drinks around. "How about you, m'lady?"

"I got the same as always, my sir. A venti brown sugar oatmilk shaken expresso, only three pumps of brown sugar, three pumps of white mocha and no cinnamon."

"For all of you who didn't know, Lana's my sugar mommy, and she paid for my drink." Becca spoke, grabbing the camera for it was focusing on her. Her best friend scoffed a bit before bringing back to camera on her as Becky started to drive.

"Killing us softly is the name of the next song we're gonna be talking about. The title pretty much says it all, it just talks about how someone in a relationship just doesn't care enough and it's slowly killing their relationship." The clip cut right after the girl was done talking, and the next clip was of her sitting in her bed, filming on her phone with her headphones on.

"Guys, my camera died, oops. And at first Becky and I were gonna go to Target, well we still did, and film the next song in the car. Obviously, we couldn't do that, and my dumb ass forgot to like, go to the song we were gonna do in the car. So, here it is!

It's called mascara stained cheeks, once again, title says it all. But, it goes more into details about how toxic my relationship with my ex got, and how much he made me cry. Small reminder, that crying often in a relationship because of your partner, is not a healthy relationship, never has been and never will be. With that being said, next clip! Wait no, disclaimer, I got a little lazy with these, oops again, so the clips are pretty short. Okay, now, next clip!"

༊*·˚

The two girls were now laying on their chests on sun bathing chairs. The camera was set up on a small table in front of them as they both pushed themselves up on their chairs.

"30 seconds. Wanna do the honor's of explaining this one, Becky?"

"Yes please. This song is about how much of an asshole mister tiny dick was."

"Becca!"

"What? He was. Mister tiny dick broke up with my goddess of a best friend over a phone call, that lasted a solid 30 seconds." The Rivera girl explained, as Alanna gave her stern look.

"Becky, I'm gonna get demonetized because of you."

"Not my fault he had a tiny dick."

"Becca!"

༊*·˚

"Guys, it's editing Lana here again." The girl said, once again sitting in her bed. " So, apparently, none of my footage for the next three songs saved, yay. So, I am gonna have to do this little explanation segment again.

Okay, crushed mind. My baby, the second song I wrote, uhm, I pretty much got emotionally cheated on, so, my mind crushed. Oh my, God, I suck at explaining when I am alone. I feel so awkward just talking to my phone. Ugh, anyways, yeah, I don't know what else to say for that one.

Moving on, i miss u, this one I'm gonna explain so good, just watch, well listen... and watch. It's about missing the person your partner used to be, feeling like they've just become this whole new different person than the one you feel in love with. Which hurts, a lot. But, you know, people change, you can't get mad at people because of that... but you can write songs about it." The girl said, giggling slightly at the end.

"Last song that vanished, spinning circle, talks about conversations with my ex, would just be a spinning circle, I know the saying is like cycle or whatever, but the circle part is explained in the song. I can't tell you right now though, 'cause then I'm... I'm spoiling the like plot twist in the lyrics. Anyways, my camera figured itself out after that clip, so yeah. Back to Lanny and Becky from a week ago."

༊*·˚

The two young adults were sitting on the paddle board, which was tied to the dock so they didn't float away. The sun was beaming on them as their wet skin reflected the light slightly.

"I felt a fish touch me!" Becca gasped just as Alanna was about to speak.

"It's a fish, it's not gonna kill you."

"No, but you know what will, forgiving." Becca said, winking at the girl, clearly proud of herself for the word play. "Get it? 'Cause the next song is... forgive."

"Go you, girly. Forgive, is about forgiving myself for the pain I caused myself during the end of my relationship. Like, I knew it wasn't healthy and all, I knew I should've broken up with him, but I didn't. And it ended up hurting me a lot, and I wrote that song last, kinda like a letter to my past self, forgiving her for making me hurt."

"If any of you though it was about her forgiving mister tiny dick, you weren't alone. I though so too, and I almost wacked her when she told me." Becca said, using the nickname she had for Trevor once again. "Don't look at me like that, you're not gonna get demonetized!"

༊*·˚

"Okay, friends, it's now bedtime for us. We decided not to film after dinner, because we ended having a little heart to heart in the car after, and we just didn't really feel like it. So, we're gonna speed run the last three."

"Heist!" Becca called out. The two best friends were once again in the bathroom, now doing their nightly skincare.

"Going on a heist to get the smallest bit of attention from your partner." Alanna answered.

"heart n soul."

"How hurt my heart and soul were after my break up."

"Last one, tired of u!"

"Tired of... them. Yeah! No, uhm, I am gonna take a little more time on this one since it's also the name of the album. Tired of u, is just about how tired I was of how my old boyfriend was treating me and acting around me. And the reason I picked that name for the album, is because it really describes how I feel towards him still, and our relationship, even now. Overall, just tired of everything related to my old relationship, the media, the comments, just all of it."

"I got tired of him, too, Lanny." Becky said right before the clip cut, making the singer chuckle slightly.

༊*·˚

"Okay friends, we're now in our matching pjs, and we're gonna go to sleep now. So, thanks for hanging with us today."

"Don't forget to go pre-save the album!"

"And yeah, I'll see you guys soon. Bye bye!" Alanna said before leaning in and pressing a kiss to the lens, which Becca than repeated.

: ̗̀➛ comments

user80 the way every time she vlogs she always struggles with the camera- she's so me

user001 so excited to hear these songs, all of them sound so interesting !!!

user719 guys i think she's gonna release sunset chasing as a single before the album drops cause she did the whole album in order, expect for i regret you everyday and sunset chasing

user412 @/user719 OMG YOU'RE SO SMART alannaoregon @/user719 shhh bestie you're gonna ruin the surprise user719 @/alannaoregon OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HIIIII

[steviewashere]

Make a Touchdown on My Heart

Rating: General CW: Doesn't Apply For This One! Tags: Established Relationship, Post-Canon, Eddie Munson is a Sweetheart, Steve Harrington is a Sweetheart, Neurodivergent Steve Harrington, Super Bowl XXII, Steve Harrington is a Sports Nerd, Domestic Fluff, Comfort/No Hurt, Fluff, Dialogue Heavy (Some facts in here may be inaccurate, I am not a sports enthusiast. All of these came from the internet, so blame it if I'm wrong.) For the @steddielovemonth prompt: "Love is being seen and known."

💕—————💕

It’s January, 1988. Their apartment is warm and lit by amber bulbs. Four in the afternoon in Chicago, work days over, dinner slow cooking in the crockpot on the counter. Eddie’s already dressed down in pajamas, grabbing a couple beers from their fridge, waiting for Steve to arrive home. Domestic. He’s been domesticated. He’s warm with contentment.

The plan is that Steve is going to get home, change out of his Family Video get up (because, yes, the video store has followed him to Illinois), get into his sweats and a Denver Bronco’s t-shirt, rush to get his sneakers back on, and hurry over to the local sports bar to yell over the Super Bowl. It’s been discussed. Marked on the calendar. Steve’s been excited for the last several months, practically bubbling with passion at the mere thought that one of his favorite teams made it to the “big game” as he described it to Eddie.

Now, Eddie’s no sports guy. He really, really, really isn’t. But he’d grown up with Wayne watching football. Tuning the television to ABC, right at the top of six, Miller in hand, bowl of chips in the other. Eddie usually resigned himself to a night of sitting on the couch, clueless to the sports world around him, probably nose deep in campaign notes. But he’s not in Indiana. He’s not listening to Wayne’s gruff commentary as he prepares for a night in with football. He’s in Illinois with his boyfriend, Steve Harrington—sports extraordinaire, quite literally.

Steve does this wonderfully adorable thing where he pulls out his new copy of Sports Illustrated or tunes in on their little kitchen radio or flips to whatever game is on, he rattles on about statistics and new players and his predictions—what team he thinks will make it to playoffs, which players will retire that year, how many touchdowns a team will get. It’s his favorite thing to talk about. Well, it could be any sport. He knows quite a bit about literally any sport. 

“Who had the most strikeouts in 1984?” Eddie had asked one evening. 

Without any preamble, Steve had shot him with, “Dwight Gooden, New York Mets.”

So, yeah, Steve knows his shit. At least in Eddie’s humble opinion.

Which is why, even though Eddie will probably get super bored, he’s got the TV remote ready. Just waiting on Steve’s quick arrival.

And, not too long later, keys are jingling outside of their apartment’s front door, impatient steps marching in place on the porch. “Just come in, babe! It’s unlocked!” Eddie shouts, chuckling under his breath. 

In comes Steve, a whirlwind of energy. He sheds his coat by the front door, snowflakes falling from his shoulders and the top of his beanie. The coat doesn’t even make it over a chair, is just chucked down to the hardwood. Ripping the hat off his head reveals the most glorious and awful hedgehog style Eddie’s ever seen. But that doesn’t even seem to phase Steve. He just runs a hand through his hair, knocking his glasses askew (yes, glasses, Eddie’s wet dream), quickly wetting his lips with his tongue. He’s already talking a mile a minute.

“Happy hour got moved up an hour at the bar! There’s a whole block taken up by cars.” His voice gets farther and farther away the more he retreats to their bedroom. There’s some rustling around as he looks for his sweatpants. “Bunch of Redskins fans all meeting there, feels like! Gonna be the only one with a Broncos shirt. It’s insane, Eds! They’re all talking about how Doug Williams is gonna lead the Redskins to victory. Which, I’ll give it to them, he’s awesome! He’s one of the best quarterbacks I’ve seen in a long time. Honestly, he’ll probably make history with this game.”

Steve reenters the living space, still chatting up a storm, eyes wandering for his yet to be obtained sweats. Eddie’s got a hand over his mouth, chuckling lowly into his cupped palm. He’s such a dork, he can’t help but think.

He continues on, oblivious to Eddie's adoration snickering. “I’m really excited to see how this goes. Y’know how there was a players strike this season?” He’s asking rhetorically because he usually doesn’t get a response from Eddie, but he nods anyway, because he does know. It’s all Steve’s talked about. “Season was shortened, but…Considering how the Redskins are doing? This might be a crazy game. And also—Wait.” Steve stops short in front of Eddie in the entryway of their small kitchen. He sniffs the air.

“It’s bean dip, babe,” Eddie answers already knowing. “I—uh—I made it for you, for tonight.”

“But I’m not gonna be home? I’ll be up the street?”

Eddie shrugs. “Or…you could be here? With me?” He enters Steve’s space, wiggling the TV remote in his grip. “I put the dip in this morning after you left for work. Went out to the store and picked up a case of Millers. Your sweatpants are in the dryer, I’m warming them up. Just in case the cold creeps under the door, you know how it gets.”

And that makes Steve shut up really fast. His mouth hangs open in silent awe. Hands limp at his sides. Then, all at once, his eyes light up and a smile stretches over his face. “You wanna watch the Super Bowl with me?”

Eddie nods. “Yeah, baby. You’ve been talking about it for a while and…I don’t know, you’re so excited, I knew that I couldn’t take that from you. Make you leave the house and not bear witness to your whole—“ He waves a hand over Steve’s bouncing in place body. His flapping hands, the jump to his feet as he quite literally bounces on the tips of his toes. “—Look at you right now! You’re like a dog waiting for me to throw the ball. How could I not watch it with you?” He grabs Steve by his left elbow and drags them over to the couch.

Finally, he turns the television on, flips it over to ABC, and plops the remote in Steve’s lap. He’s still jittering out of his skin.

“You want to watch the game with me,” he states, once more in awe. “Because I get excited? But—You don’t like football? You’re gonna get bored.”

Once again, Eddie shrugs. “So what if I get bored? I don’t need to watch the game, I just need to watch you. I’ll know how to react based on how you do. So far, it sounds like the Redskins are gonna be a pain in the ass for you, right?”

“You remembered the name of the team?”

Eddie scoffs. “Of course I do! I listen to you when you talk about your sports stuff. You’ve been moaning and groaning about the Redskins’ new star quarterback for a while now. You think I don’t enjoy sitting next to you on the couch when you read off the stats in your magazines? Baby, it’s the highlight of my day.”

Steve’s eyes soften, they glisten, surprisingly. “Really? You don’t mind when I talk about my sports things? Even when…Even when it isn’t that interesting to you?”

“Loving you means loving what you love,” Eddie simply states. “Just like when you let me ramble about campaign notes and how infuriating it’s been to find a new Dungeons & Dragons group.” He wraps an arm over Steve’s shoulders, drawing him in close. His free hand cradles Steve’s right cheek, it’s wet under his palm. “Why you cryin’ sweet thing?” He murmurs.

It’s Steve’s turn to shrug. He sniffs back a gross wad of snot. “Nobody ever liked listening to me talk about it, I don’t know. Used to watch the games alone. Hated that.”

Leaning in, Eddie pecks Steve’s forehead. “Well, that changes starting tonight, alright? So, go grab your sweats from the dryer, slip into your Broncos shirt, settle in on the couch. I’ll get us some food, crack open our beers, and you can shout and slap my chest all you want about your game. How’s that sound?”

“Like you know me really well,” Steve answers.

“Good, baby,” he whispers. “Love knowing you. Love loving you.”

💕—————💕

[steddieas-shegoes]

You have provided so many headcanons and, with a lurker’s thankful heart, I am now giving you my steddie headcanon, built entirely around the idea that Steve knows he’s queer but has no idea at all that he’s kinky. I’m thinking this takes place when Eddie and Robin and Steve have all come out to each other but Eddie hasn’t explained to anyone what that black bandana in his pocket is about; either steddie are pre-slash besties or a recently established relationship.

Steve’s been stressed and Eddie really wants to do something for him, so one day they’re hanging out and Eddie asks what Steve’s idea of the most relaxing day ever is.

Steve’s like “Oh, man, I’d love a day where I don’t have to think, like, at all. Zero decision making.”

“Right, right, a lord in his castle keep, languorous and content with pizza and a constant rotation of movies and high as fuck.” Eddie has already psychically made his way to Family Video and picked up Steve’s favorite films and is mentally on his way to Melvald’s to get all his favorite snacks when Steve interrupts—

“No, no, if it was that easy I could set that up for myself. No I need another person who I really really trust who wouldn’t mind a lot of planning; I’d ask Robin but I think by hour two being in charge she’d start to get bored or start to catastrophize. I could plan the day for her and just let her run it, but that sorta defeats the purpose. Actually,” and he sits up, looks at Eddie consideringly, “actually with those long campaigns you do, I bet you could plan it. And I trust you… it’s kinda weird though.”

Eddie’s like “You know I love weirdos; hit me with it Stevie.”

Steve, starts off slowly, darting looks at Eddie’s face while he talks. “It’s morning, and my alarm isn’t set. Alarm clock isn’t even plugged in. Is it because I’m sleeping in? No— it’s because it is Someone Else’s Responsibility to get me up on time, and I trust them to do it. They wake me up and normally- depending on the day- I’d decide if I’ll shower or take a bath or just wash my face and brush my teeth before doing my hair but not this day.

No, on Steve Doesn’t Think Day they wake me up and tell me how to clean up. I’m in there and they knock on the door and say “hey, Steve, I set your outfit out on the bed. when you’re done get dressed and come to the kitchen.” and I do! I still have a whole closet and wardrobe full of clothes that I don’t have to consider. Does my outfit match the weather? Is it color coordinated? Does it match the plans for the day? It probably is all those things, but I’m not worried about that. I’m just a very good listener, who doesn’t decide things.

And then I go in the kitchen!” Steve, excited, getting into it, starts pacing around. “Are there groceries? Am I cooking breakfast? Are we going to brunch later? Was that budgeted for? Is it a cereal day or a coffee and toast day or a full spread day? There are answers to all of those questions, and whoever woke me up has them. I don’t give a damn. They hand me a cup of coffee, I’m like thank you very much, they’re like of course, Steve, good job, Steve, I’m proud of you, Steve, don’t worry about it, Steve, you let me worry about it. Just. You know, man.

A full day of going places and doing things and not having to stress or plan for it any of it. I don’t have to drive, unless they tell me to drive. I don’t have to talk to other people unless they tell me to talk! Maybe I bitch a little, because complaining is fun!! And they don’t get angry at me for it and their feelings don’t get hurt because they know I’m just gonna listen in the end anyway. Total relaxation, no decisions, complete faith that whoever’s in charge won’t put me in a bad spot.”

And dom top Eddie, white knuckling his black bandana trying really hard not to vibrate apart at a molecular level while he listens to Steve Harrington describe lifestyle submission as his most ideal day, fighting to answer in a calm and level voice: “Steve-o, you’re not gonna believe what I’m about to tell you.”

They have a long conversation and after Eddie’s like I want you to go in the other room and really think about what you want from this because I’ll take charge of you for the day but we need boundaries and guidelines; go consider this seriously for at least an hour. Steve respects Eddie (and also enjoys acts of service and doing what he’s told) so of course he listens. This does lead to Steve repeatedly sticking his head into the room Eddie’s in to say something unhinged, like

“Hey, sometimes when I’m struggling to get out of my own head I purposely wear my starchiest tightest jeans and my tightest polo and it kinda restricts my movement and reach and breathing and brings a constant awareness of my body that I find really grounding — is that bondage and do you think I should be tied up? okay, okay, thanks, restart the hour please.”

It’s a long afternoon for Eddie.

This is.

Art.

This is art.

Thank you for sending this in, please tell me you plan to write more of this because I would love that very much.

I love just about any type of realization Steve has about his kinks, but the one where he just realizes that the stuff he likes is actually very kinky and Eddie is the one to tell him hits every check mark for me.

Thank you thank you thank you for this. I hope you catch every green light on your daily travels and no one ever talks to you unless you want them to. ❤️

[smoothies-are-cool]

hey there delilah

rockstar boyfriend! chris sturniolo x rockstar girlfriend! reader

summary: reader and chris live very different lives but they make the most of it when they are together.

warnings: short, swearing, kissing, smoking, mentions of y/n.

a/n: so chris writes the song but changes the name so it isn’t obvious who the song is about but it also is really obvious, yk?? i hope that makes sense. enjoyyyy!! <3

3RD POV

chris sat in his room. he and his band were leaving for tour tomorrow. the band consisted of him, the drummer. his brother matt, the guitarist. adam, the lead singer and ally, the vocalist. chris’ other brother nick was the band photographer.

normally, chris’ girlfriend was always there for the first show, but since she was also an artist she was playing a show of her own in new york city. she was a bigger artist than chris and his band.

she had already been on tour for 2 months so chris was missing her like crazy. he sighed, grabbing his notebook and a pen.

“hey there delilah.” he sang softly as he wrote down the lyrics. he sat in silence as he racked his brain for the next line.

“what’s it like in new york city.” he sang, humming a random tune.

1 WEEK LATER

chris had finished writing the song and he talked to his band about recording it and finding the right beat.

when chris had shown them the lyrics he wrote, they were all really impressed so they were excited to record the song. they decided they would sing it opening night and then after the show they would put the song out.

chris had almost lashed out a couple times when they didn’t record it the right way, but the band easily agreed to fix it.

after another week it was the opening night. chris was currently backstage smoking a joint. it was something he did since the first tour. it helped him calm his nerves.

chris and his band went on hours before y/n did, but she wasn’t able to watch any videos because she was in sound check.

“okay guys this is a new one that no one’s heard before. our drummer, chris actually wrote it.” adam speaks into the microphone. the crowd erupts into screams and applause.

“we’re gonna start playing this at every show and we all hope you like it and it’ll be out at 12 AM tonight!” adam yells as the beginning of ‘hey there delilah’ starts to play.

“hey there delilah, what’s it like in new york city i’m a thousand miles away but tonight you look so pretty, yes you do.” adam sang as matt strummed his guitar. drums weren’t needed for this song so chris sat back and listened.

“thank you guys so much! you were amazing! go stream hey there delilah, out on all platforms tonight!” adam closes as the whole band waves and walks off stage.

3 HOURS LATER

READERS POV

“how we feeling tonight, new york?” i scream as i walk out on stage. as i look out into the crowd, i see a girl in the pit with a huge neon sign. i couldn’t see what it said, so i spoke.

“what’s your sign say?” i ask, motioning to the girls sign. her jaw drops and she shakily opens the sign.

‘STREAM HEY THERE DELILAH!!’

“stream hey there delilah?” i say and the crowd screams. “what’s hey there delilah?” i ask and everyone trys screaming the answer at once.

“okay guys i can’t hear what you’re saying if you all scream it at once.” i say, walking over to the stage that was in front of the girl with the sign. i sit down and take out my earpieces.

“i’m gonna ask the girl with the sign, can we please have silence?” i ask into the microphone. i sigh happily when the crowd is silent.

“what is hey there delilah?” i ask her, leaning closer to her due to the gap between the stage and the audience.

“chris and his bands new song! they just sang it for the first time tonight, no one’s heard it before tonight and chris was the one that wrote it!” the girl yelled.

chris wrote it?

“i’ll have to listen to it.” i smile. “what’s your name?” i ask the girl.

“aubrey.” she says.

“aubrey, thank you so much i love you.” i say blowing her a kiss and walking to the other side of the stage.

“thank you so much for an amazing night, new york! you guys have been so amazing tonight.” i say, panting in between words due to the amount of singing and dancing.

“i love you all! goodnight!” i scream into the mic as i walk backstage. when i make it to my dressing room i grab my phone, go to tiktok and search ‘hey there delilah’. i click on the first video i see.

“okay guys this is a new one that no one’s heard before. our guitarist, chris actually wrote it.” i watch as their lead singer adam, introduces.

“we all hope you like it and it’ll be out at 12 AM tonight!” adam yells as the beginning of the song starts to play.

“hey there delilah, what’s it like in new york city i’m a thousand miles away but tonight you look so pretty, yes you do.” my heart beats faster as i listen to the lyrics. the view of the video was pretty good so it was easy to see matt struck his guitar. chris was further back but i could still see him lean back and listen as well.

“times square can’t shine as bright as you, i swear it’s true.”

after listening to the song i was almost in tears. the song was so sweet. i immediately call my manager to talk about my upcoming show.

THE NEXT DAY

after talking to my manager, we pushed back the show that was supposed to be tonight. we decided i’d play it tomorrow.

i currently stood outside of a venue in denver, waiting for matt to come outside and let me backstage.

i decided i needed to see chris as soon as possible so i asked if i could push the show back one day. luckily it wouldn’t effect the rest of the tour.

there were already hundreds of people waiting outside but since i had my body guards i didn’t have to take pictures with anyone. not that i didn’t want too, i just couldn’t get chris out of my mind.

“hey.” matt says softly, holding the door open for me to walk in. the line of people cheer and matt awkwardly waves before closing the door.

“chris is in his dressing room. when do you wanna surprise him?” matt asks, standing in place, waiting for my answer so he knows where to bring me.

“maybe after the show.” i shrug my shoulders.

“during the show is also an option. maybe during the song?” matt suggests.

“yeah if that’s possible.” i say, trying to hide my excitement.

“yeah, you can hang in my dressing room until the song and then i can have security escort you to stand in front of the barricade instead of behind. it’ll be easier so you don’t have to worry about getting over the barricade when chris runs to you. because trust me, he will run to you.” matt tells me.

“okay that sounds good. oh my god i’m nervous.” i tell him, my hands lightly shaking.

“it’ll be okay. you’ll forget all about the nervousness when he sees you.” matt comforts, stopping in front of his dressing room.

“okay so there’s gonna be someone that’ll come in here to bring you when it’s time. i won’t be able to talk to you before the song so, goodluck.” matt tells me.

“you need more luck than me.” i giggle, hugging him quickly. “good luck to you.”

“miss l/n?” i hear from the other side of the door. i quickly open it and see two guys dressed in all black.

“are you ready?” one asks and i nod. the other puts his hand out, motioning for me to walk out of the room. one of the guys walks in front of me while the other walks behind me.

we stand to the side as adam starts singing. i nervously keeps my eyes on chris, waiting for him to see me.

halfway through the song, matt kicks chris with his foot and motions in my direction with his head since his hands are occupied. my heart stops when chris makes eye contact with me. he stands up and stares at me, making sure it’s me. i notice adam motioning for me to move to stand in front of him.

as quickly as he can, chris makes it to the front of the stage to jump down.

when he’s close enough, he wraps his arms around my shoulders.

he lets out a shaky breath and when i look up at him i see a few tears well in his eyes. i pull away slightly, kissing him and not even caring about the crowd of people behind us. i stand on my tiptoes and wrap my arms around his neck.

“hi baby.” i say. “surprise!”

“oh my god.” he shakily says.

“i love the song.” i tell him.

“and i love you.” he smiles.

a/n: hi i have a love hate relationship with this!!

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

Hi hi! I love how in depth and detailed you are when making/creating characters, or even when talking about other characters.

but I was curious, I wanted to be more inclusive/have more representation of PoC with my art works. But I do not know where to begin, or how to properly do research especially with how to research history and find accurate articles or so on.

Which I was curious on if you have any tips or pointers on how to do this/do my homework correctly?

THANKS!! OOOOhhhh I love research! And for a recent Spidersona, I had to do something like this. So here's the process I use to say things that kinda sorta make sense sometimes

How to Learn Any Topic RIGHT NOW- (kinda)

[A slightly LONG length post where I talk about my biggest resource and my number one tactic for sounding like you know your shit in an hour or less. Plus a list of educational Youtubers]

In High School, I mastered an art. The Art of 'Skyrim Speech 100'. The way to sound like you know what you're talking about, and form a pretty solid foundation of information in one sitting.

I am DEADASS CONVINCED that I have it boiled down to a very specific scientific formula. I got this I okay. I gotchu I swear I'm bout to have you like this im so deadass -

For me personally, the best resource is YouTube. One Website - Three Videos. And you're GOOD.

I have ADHD so - huge attention issues, so videos are a go to for me.

But I also really appreciate seeing the person explaining things to me. Finding good websites can be HARD, especially nowadays where a lot of websites might not even be written by humans, just clobbered together by AI.

For me, YouTube lets me see the person behind the channel, and it's a lot easier for me to vet the information if it's coming from one person who is open about their identity/certifications.

If their whole channel is dedicated to one thing, you can usually tell when they're very dedicated/educated on a topic, and I feel a lot more comfortable listening to them. Rather than reading random websites with writers I don't know/can't see.

Longform Youtube can be SO GOOD.

I'm gonna list some at the bottom - but you can find channels on everything. From architecture, to historical dress, to subway systems, entire cultures, etc.

In recent years Youtube has made a big push for longform content - so I recommend checking out videos that are 15 minutes OR MORE.

Not only is that enough time to go in depth, but because it's a video - the information is fed to you in a linear fashion. It's a lot more conversational and visual than reading a website.

If you hear something and need to remember, you can always go back. It can be hard to go back to a webpage and find the exact line, but videos are a bit easier.

Tips:

Try for find Youtubers that focus on ONE topic - or creators who go in depth about a wide array of interesting things (like Tom Scott or Anthony Padilla). Look for Doctors and Professors - A lot of educational professionals have youtube channels now. And they'll usually be upfront about it, searching things like 'History Professor explains X' or 'Doctor explains Y'. TEDTalks are good for this too. Look for people who are, or have the thing you're representing - If you're writing for a disability, it's always good to watch a video about the day in the life of someone with it - mental illnesses too. And there are a lot of great youtubers that easily break down things like cultural practices - or the issues they face because of their identity. Look for news channels. Watch current events. Vice, BBC, Channel 4, and have a lot of good current news, and they're posting videos every day. These videos show real life conditions while explaining it all, and they're really helpful for knowing about current political/cultural topics. DOCUMENTARIES!!!! - There is a documentary on anything. You can quote them in academics, and unlike movies, people post them on YouTube ALL the time, and people make them all the time. If you need to know about something, DOCUMENTARY.

I love using videos for everything, and below is how I use them:

I have a method that usually helps me sound like I'm super knowledgeable - By casting a very wide and very specific net over any topic. By narrowing any topic down to three parts, you can learn about 40% of a topic, but sound like you know 80%.

How to Teach Yourself Any Topic (in an hour and some change)

Three step method.

Watch three longform videos (15+ mins) about the topic. Each video about something slightly different.

The first video is about The History. This teaches us about the background of the topic. The second video is about The Expert Opinion. This teaches us about the reality of the topic. The third video is about a Random Topic inside of the main topic. This is to make us sound smart (in school)/add details or inspiration (while making characters).

Watch a fifteen minute video about each of these things, and in less than an hour, you'll have a pretty solid foundation of what it is, where it came from, and random (but surprisingly useful) details.

And when I say random I MEAN RANDOM. Can be anything - the niche, the better.

I'll give an example below with real search results and videos.

[I also give tips on how to search by topic (culture, religion, time period, etc) - as well as a list of educational BUT FUN Youtubers]

Example: I wanna make a Victorian Era Spider-woman.

The History Video - I watch a video about the general era, or what it was like being a woman in that time. I searched: Women in Victorian Era I found a real video titled: The Daily Life of a Victorian Lady

The Expert Opinion - I wanted to design her outfit accurately, so I looked for a Dress Historian's opinion on 1880's outfits I searched: Victorian Era Fashion I found a real channel: Bernadetta Banner (a channel all about recreating historical dresses - by a Broadway costume designer.)

The Random Topic - I don't know much about the Victorian Era..but I know theres two topics people always relate to the era - Sherlock Holmes and Jack the Ripper. I chose Sherlock. Sooooo, I watched a video about whether BBC sherlock was better than Downy Sherlock. Why? Because in 15 minutes it tells me about the show, the movie, AND the book - ALSO while teaching about the time period. I searched: BBC Sherlock vs Book I found a real video titled: Sherlock vs Sherlock - Which Iteration is Superior.

So after three 15-20 minute videos I know the history, the facts, and some random niche details of a topic.

Do I know everything about it? Not at all! But doing that, usually you can probably get through a conversation without freaking out too much.

By doing all that - I now know enough about the Victorian Era. From those videos I can accurately write an average Victorian woman, design her outfit accurate to the era, and also infuse some Victorian literature influence into her story.

All in an hour.

It works for other people character's too. Watching a video on the 70's, a video on the Punk Movement, and then a video of lets say a video about the band Ramones

Methods:

Some ideas for different topics:

If you want to show a character from a different time period -

If you're trying to write a character like Hobie, first watch a video about the history of the period - to understand when they were living. Then watch a video on their style/subculture - like the Punk movement. Then pick a specific band/media from the era and watch a video on it.

Sidebar: This is actually how I made Diane! I have little to no idea about the 70's outside of Punk. So searched up the history of 70's Disco, a video by Glamour about 1970's fashion, and I only knew one or two Disco singers (Donna Summer & Diana Ross) - so I chose Diana Ross. Diana is the direct inspiration for Diane's name and big hair. I never reference Diana, but it helps Diane fit the Disco theme, by emulating one of THE disco queens.

If you want to show a character from a different country -

Like India for example, a good place to start is watching a video about the history of India, then watching a vlog from someone in India (in the area you're thinking of), then watch a video about Indian fashion, or indian street food, or indian family traditions - so you can sprinkle those details into the story or conversation. Then you can build from there. Big tip: If they're from the city watch a video about the city's transit/subway system if they have one. It's a VERY fast way to learn the city, and make it sound like they actually live there, even if you're just name dropping stations and town squares.

If you want to show a character with a mental illness, disability or condition -

Start off by searching the background of the condition. Have a doctor break down what it is, how it effects the body, the mind, or both. Then watch a video of an average person with the condition, and their experience day to day. Then try and find a specific advocate, celebrity, or influence who goes into depth about it and how they empower themselves.

If you want to show someone from a different religion -

Watch a video about the beliefs of the religion, then the history of the religion, then a video of someone who practices the religion.

ETC-

Now disclaimer, this won't make you actually know everything about the topic - but at the very least, you'll probably be using the terms and words right. And you might be able to think up your own thought from there.

I used this ALL THROUGH High School.

If I know next class is about Marie Antoinette - yeah sure lemme go run and learn about her life history, her fashion taste, and the architecture of the Palace of Versailles in an hour.

Now I can talk about her childhood, personality, and where she lived.

The Great Gatsby? Never read it and I never will. The movie? NEVER SEEN IT. I searched up the history/inspiration of the author, watched a video on the book's plot and symbolism, then watched a video on the book vs the movie.

From there I kinda understood what the book was about, why the author might have written it, the symbolic ho-ha, and the extra details as if I watched the movie too.

And from there I could formulate whether I think the symbolism matters to our modern day society and why the director changed small details from the book, and etc, etc.

It was enough for me to bullshit and say words and usually people are like 'yeah you seem to be making sense' lol

HELL throw in ANOTHER video about the lives of women in the 1920's and I could probably bullshit an argument on how the Great Gatsby reflects gender roles in the Flapper Era. Like gun to my head I could probably come up with something im so deadass

HEY IM NOT SAYING SLACK OFF IN SCHOOL OKAY - DO NOT THIS IS JUST MY TESTIMONIAL - USE THIS TO LEARN TOPICS NOT BOOKS ITS A GREAT TOOL

Also disclaimer: use this for good don't be walking around like you Know Know Shit cause someone might check you and then i cant help you this is just a way to understand the basis of topics and be able to form thoughts and hold conversations about them or use them in your art and writing.

Plus it's a great way to gather strong resources for your art and writing.

It's a lot easier to show characters in a natural accurate way when you've curated a very rounded understanding of the topic or era - not just in an educational historical sense.

For the purposes of character creation, essays, sounding like you know anything in conversations - this does help. And you do start absorbing stuff. It's just about breaking the topic down, and learning about it in blocks.

If you understand the history, you can understand the now, and if you understand the now, you can understand the nuance. Like that.

I hope this helped! And because tis customary here, take this photo of Hobart Brown and go forth

And because I cannot send you off into the wild with no place to start here are some of my favorite youtubers that are actually FUN - here's a list.

Bye.

Youtube Channels

Bernadette Banner - Historical Clothing Expert specializing in Edwardian - Victorian

RMTransit - Videos about subway systems, buses, and public transit across the world. VERY quick way to realistically learn about a city

Anthony Padilla - Has lots of 'I Spent a Day With-' videos, where he sits down with people. Has videos ranging on things from Dipolar Disorder and ADHD to things like Asexuality and Ex-Mormons. Good for getting multiple honest experiences of people.

ReligionForBreakfast - Simple approachable videos about religions, their histories and beliefs. Made by a doctor of Religious Studies

Cognito - VERY good historical, cultural, and geographical videos, all cutely animated

Tasting History with Max Miller - Historically accurate cooking videos with really cool stories and histories to match

Vice News - Very good, very vetted Left-leaning news source. Vice and Vice News are two different things. Vice News is really good for current events videos on things like conflicts in countries.

Johnny Haris - slightly longer explainer videos about countries, geography, history, and weird quirks

Vox - Short detailed explainers about....anything really.

Weird History - .....It's history that's weird

Absolute History - Longer Documentaries about History, mainly the 1900's

CrowsEyeProductions - Really good Historical Fashion videos of 1400-2000's

Morgon Donner - ANOTHER Historical Fashion channel (they're really interesting yall) that focuses more on Medieval era

J.J McCullough - REALLY good videos about culture in general, as well as geography videos full of full interesting facts (did you know Nepal is the only country with a flag not four sided?) He also has some spicy takes on Canadian and Quebec politics that are interesting to me as an American but ????

Kati Moron - A therapist who makes videos about the experiences of mental illnesses and their treatment

Dr. Tracey Marks - A Doctor who makes short videos explaining the symptoms and experiences of neurodivergences and mental illnesses

[putschki1969]

Kaji Fes.2023 Day 1 FULL Video [Reupload]

Find the original post from last night HERE. It doesn't show up on the Tumblr dashboard so only people who actively check my blog have seen it. I exchanged the video with an official one so I guess it might have been a copyright issue. Don't think I've ever had one, very interesting.

»»——  CLICK ME 🎁 CLICK ME ——««

❗FOR PERSONAL USE ONLY❗ ❗CREDIT me if you SHARE on other sites❗

I was quite excited to watch this since I only attended Day 2 last December. I didn’t necessarily regret not going for Day 1 but there were a couple of really neat songs in the setlist that I kinda wished I had been able to see performed live. The audio seems a bit dull but maybe it’s just me… Anyway, it’s still a pretty epic live. Please note that they decided to cut a handful of songs from the broadcast (probably to keep the whole thing at roughly 2 hours). The following songs are not included: fake garden, canta per me, she has to overcome her fear, I beg you and 砂塵の彼方���.

Here are some random thoughts┗(•ˇ_ˇ•)―→

fake garden

canta per me

the world: Nothing much to say here. Decent performance but I liked the song more when it was led by Keiko.

Liminality: Loved, loved, loved this version with the amazingly talented Yuri Kasahara, Keiko and Kaori. The bridge here might be my favourite of all time.

in the land of twilight, under the moon: Never been a fan.

swordland: Another highlight for me. I think it’s easy to tell that I am a real sucker for YK’s guest vocalists that use a more operatic singing style.

she has to overcome her fear

luminous sword: Always been a big fan of Yuki’s SAO soundtrack. I understand why it gets performed a lot.

星屑: Even though this is a Keiko-centric song, I’ve never really liked it all that much so I don’t have much to say about it.

花守の丘: Solid.

ｗe’re gonna groove: Those who have followed me for a while know how I feel about the accordion. I dislike this instrument with a passion and it’s just featured way too heavily here. Fun fact, when Day 2 started with the accordion, I got really scared and wondered whether or not I would enjoy myself.

Obsession: Can’t say I’ve ever heard this song before. Sadly, it’s nothing that leaves a lasting impression. Also, that accordion…(¬_¬) Weird choice for LINO LEIA. It was fun hearing Keiko sing a bit of English though.

千夜一夜: Once again, not familiar with the song. Like this one a bit more though. Generally, I think I prefer rito’s vocals over LINO’s even though I don’t really know why.

Point Zero: This is one of my all-time favourite YK songs and one of the few tracks I really regret not seeing live on Day 1. Another epic performance by Yuri Kasahara. God, I love her so much.

salva nos: Speaking of regrets, yup, I’ll admit it, I am pretty bummed that I missed this one. “salva nos” and “a song of storm and fire” were the very first YK songs I ever listened to and they quite literally changed the trajectory of my life. Without those two songs, I wouldn’t have looked into more of YK’s stuff and I certainly wouldn’t have discovered Kalafina. One day, I wanna be there for a live performance. At least I got to hear “a song of storm and fire” on Day 2. So grateful for that!! Anyway, super epic.

花の唄: No thoughts.

I beg you

櫂: Ahh, I almost forgot about Aimer’s Mizu no Akashi 2.0. It’s so funny to me that this is literally copy/paste. Lovely melody, I don’t even mind the vocals all that much but damn, it’s not even coming close to Wakana’s Mizu no Akashi.

朝が来る: Decent but nothing to write home about.

My Story: Ohhh, another score track from “Hanako to Anne”. I was actually blown away by Day 2’s “希望の光”. This is not as good but still quite nice. Weirdly enough I am obsessed with the uilleann pipes. How come I can’t stand the accordion but I absolutely love this instrument? Probably because I am really into the celtic sound?

Parallel Hearts: Ugh, never liked this song, not even when Wakana was still around.

stone cold: This on the other hand is a song I’ve always enjoyed but with Wakana no longer in the picture, it’s just not the same. Will never get used to the Kaori chorus. Sorry T_T Still like this though.

the image theme of Xenosaga II: Good stuff.

蒼穹のファンファーレ: Love that this is focusing on the FJ regulars. My favourite performance of the song so far.

[stardust948]

Twins AU

Sweet 16 Birthday part 2

Zuko: Everyone find a seat. Azula's out for a jog but I brought us some time. She always jog to the end of her playlists so I added six more songs.

Zuko: You are all here because you are Azula's best friends and family and I want you to help me throw a surprise party for her! But you have to keep it a secret.

Zuko, looking at his parents: I know that won't be a problem for you two.

Ozai and Ursa: ಠ_ಠ

Kiyi: Mom said Azula doesn't want a party this year.

Zuko: I know my twin. She's devasted and we're gonna fix it!

Ursa: That's very sweet.

Ozai: We'll do anything to help.

Zuko: Of course you will. You're totally on the hook for this.

Ozai and Ursa: (T_T)

Sokka: I'm in! I want Azula's Sweet 16 to be as amazing as her!

Ozai: Careful.

Sokka, straightening up: Right! Sorry!

Zuko: Sokka, Mai, and Ty Lee, I want you to take Azula out Friday night while the rest of us get ready for the party. Don't bring her back until midnight because that's when actually birthday is.

Ursa: Midnight? Isn't that awfully late for a party?

Zuko: You mean like 16 years late, mom?

Ursa: Midnight party! Fun!

[Later]

Azula: Thanks for taking me out guys.

Sokka: No problem.

Ty Lee: Yeah it was fun!

Mai, sarcastic: Whoo...

Azula: I feel kind of bad though. I've never missed Zuko's birthday before. We should head back. It's late anyway.

Others: !!!

Sokka: I have an idea!

[After spending the last part of the night stalling]

Azula, rushing to the front door: Ugh! It's midnight! And 16 wrong turns?! Really Sokka?!

Sokka: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Azula: And I've never heard of that law that says you have to go 5 miles per hour past a graveyard!

Mai: That's just showing respect.

Azula: Wait a second. I don't hear the tsungi horn and melodramatic poetry. You guys! I missed Zuko's birthday!

Azula: *Goes inside and turns on light.*

Sokka, Ty Lee, and Mai: SUR- *sees nobody there*

Sokka: SSSSupper was great at Jasmine Dragon!

Azula: Where is everyone?

[Goes to the backyard and sees decorations]

Everyone: SURPISE!!!

Sokka, Ty Lee, and Mai: *runs in*

Ty Lee: We missed saying surprise? Are you kidding me?!

Zuko: Happy Sweet 16 Azula!

Azula: Wait this is all for me? Where's your theater party?

Zuko: There was no party. I played you. Don't feel bad though. I am a day older.

Azula: *laughs*

Mai: *clears throat* Remember us? The people you were screaming at the whole way past the graveyard.

Azula: You guys were all in on this?

Ty Lee: Suprise! *fist pumps* Yes!

Azula: Zuzu, mini golf? It's just like old times.

Zuko: We got so wrapped up in what party we wanted, we forgot the best part. Doing it together.

Ursa: That's what I said!

Ozai, patting her shoulder: Not now.

Ursa: Anyway, we made you a cake!

Azula: A Kuai ball cake?!

Ursa: 16 layers of buttercream and guilt! Mama's done. Time for my twins to get their party on! *dances*

Everyone:

Azula: Mom! We've forgiven you. Stop punishing us!

Ozai: Azula, we even got you a number six jersey because we figured you would want to change your number.

Azula: Actually, I've decided to stick with the number five. That's the day my best friend was born.

Zuko: *smiles*

Azula: Help me blow out these candles!

Zuko: Wait, let me get my phone. We gotta get a video of this! *leaves*

Kiyi: Video? Then we have to have the windmill going. Dad, would you do the honors.

Ozai: *Presses button*

Azula: I love it!

Ozai: We did a good thing today.

Kiyi: See what happens when you listen to me.

[Windmill starts going super fast and destroys the decorations and cake]

Azula: We have to turn this thing off!!!

Sokka: Don't worry birthday girl! *grabs her hand* Your hero's here!

Sokka: *Fights against the wind*

Azula: *pulls plug* Hey superhero, plug's right here.

Sokka: 👍

Zuko: *Returns and sees everyone disheveled and covered in birthday cake*

Zuko: o_o

[miagwynwrites]

Brat part 1

Genre: smut

CW: fingering, there’s not a lot in this one compared to the other parts, if I make them, brother's best friend hehe :)

Length: 2k+

Summary: your brother lets his friend spend a few weeks over and you catch feelings for each other <3

Pairings: kim sehyoon x female reader

A/N: na 🦬

You’d always had a crush on your brother’s best friend, from the minute he invited him over 2 years ago for the first time. He attended the same college your brother did and your thoughts always were about him. You’d think about him before you went to sleep, you had wet dreams about him, you thought about him in the shower, he was even the reason you started masturbating more often. So when you’re brother said he was coming over again you were excited and scared. “But mom and dad aren’t gonna be here on that day, they’re going on vacation that whole week remember?” Your brother shrugged as he grabbed the milk carton out of the fridge and drank straight from it. “So, they won’t be home, they won’t know.” “You didn’t let them know though? What if something happens and” “y/n, nothing’s gonna happen. Sehyoon isn’t stupid and we’re both adults. We’re just gonna play video games and we’ll probably go to the mall and hang out with some friends.” Your brother walked away with the last bag of chips from the cupboard and went to his room leaving you in the kitchen, your thoughts swimming and your core and little more excited.

It had been a few hours since your parents left and you were sitting on the couch in just your hoodie and panties when your brother came out of his room. “I’m meeting Sehyoon and then I’m bringing him home.” You looked at you for a second. “Put some clothes on y/n.” You glances up from your phone. “I am wearing clothes.” Your brother rolled his eyes, “put some pants on, I don’t want Sehyoon thinking you’re a whore.” You’re brother left slamming the door behind him. You were pretty sure Sehyoon wouldn’t think that, of course it had been awhile since he last saw you. And you wouldn’t mind if he thought that. In fact, you got wet just thinking about him calling you a whore.

You were cleaning yourself up when you heard the front door open. “Y/n we’re back.” You heard your brother call from downstairs. Your panties were soaked from playing with yourself so you took them off and put on a pair of lose fitting shorts and headed downstairs. Sehyoon was in a black leather jacket, tight black jeans, a tight white tee and his hair was dyed green and resting loosely against his face. You bit your lip. “Sehyoon, this is my sister y/n. I don’t know if you remember her. “I do actually.” Sehyoon gave you a smile that made your heart flutter. “Y/n what the hell, I told you to put on pants.” You looked away from Sehyoon who started blushing. “I am wearing pants dumbass.” You stated lifting your hoodie up to reveal your short shorts. Your brother rolled his eyes again. “You never listen, you’re such a brat. Sehyoon help me set up the system?” Sehyoon nodded his face still pink. You sighed and went into the kitchen. Looking in the cupboard you searched for something to eat. Unfortunately with your height you couldn’t see what was on the top shelf. Groaning loudly you stood on your tip toes and reached blind for whatever was on the top shelf. Little did you know Sehyoon had silently walked into the kitchen the minute you reached for the top shelf. He grinned watching as the bottom of your hoodie rose and he saw the little shorts you were wearing. A boner appeared as he admired the way the bottom of the shorts didn’t cover up your ass all the way, your cheeks were out, the way they jiggled every time you moved. He cleared his throat making you jump, your ass jiggling one last time before turning around. “S-Sehyoon, how long were you standing there?” You blushed as he came towards you to lean against the island counter top. He shrugged, “doesn’t matter. We did buy snacks if you’re hungry.” Sehyoon said reaching for one of the bags on the counter that you completely didn’t see. “He told me what you liked,” Sehyoon said handing you a bag of chips. You blushed taking the bag from Sehyoon and heading back into the living room. Sehyoon silently chuckled to himself and followed you. You plopped down on the couch, your brother was seated in the chair across from the couch. “Can I sit here?” Sehyoon asked pointing to the empty spot next to you. You nodded and watched as he took his jacket off before sitting down on the couch. His shirt hugged everything so nicely, his arms, his abs. You were drooling. Sehyoon caught you glancing at him and when he looked at you you quickly looked away blushing.

They were two hours into gameplay and you were getting bored. Half the snacks were gone and you already played on your phone did you got bored of that too. Sehyoon was leaning forward in his seat and that’s when you got an idea. You weren’t sure anything was gonna happen but you couldn’t control yourself anymore. He decided to tease Sehyoon. At first it was just subtle movements. You stretched your legs out and sank down the couch so your feet could reach the coffee table. You knew by doing this your hoodie and shorts would ride up and that’s exactly what you wanted. You rested you face in your hand that you had propped up on the arm of the couch, your other arm just resting on the cushion. You watched Sehyoon lean back against the couch, his legs spread. He ran his hand through his hair and you watched as it landed perfectly in his face again. Then he did that hair flip. And then he turned to look at you. His eyes shifted from your face to your legs. Your face heated up. He locked eyes with you again and smirked before directing his attention back to the screen. It was working. You smiled again and changed your position. Allowing the hoodie and shorts to do whatever you laid on the couch and propped your feet against the back of it. You grabbed your phone and went into the camera app and pressed record. You made sure you had a good view of Sehyoon. Eventually he looked over at you again. His eyes widened at the sight. It was obvious you weren’t wearing any panties and it was also obvious that Sehyoon was taking note. Through the phone you watched as Sehyoon tilted his head a bit to see the parts of you that were uncovered. You zoomed in as he grinned, his tongue coming out to lick his lips. You felt yourself getting wet and moved your legs off the back of the couch and rested them over Sehyoon’s lap. “I’ll be right back.” you’re brother spoke up and left the room leaving just you and Sehyoon in the living room. With the phone still recording you watched as Sehyoon placed his hand on your leg and slowly inched it up. His large hand sent tingles throughout your body.

“So what kinds of stuff are you into, besides being a brat?” Your breath caught in your throat you looked up at Sehyoon. “W-what do you mean?” You asked trying to sound innocent. You were clearly turned on by his words. Sehyoon chuckled before leaning into you. He placed one hand on the other side of your legs so you couldn’t shift on the couch. With his other hand he ran it up your thigh stopping just above your heat. “Don’t play games with me y/n. I know you like me. You knew I was coming over and you wanted to get me to notice you so you did everything you could so I would pay attention to you. You wore those cute little shorts without panties on purpose, the act you pulled in the kitchen you did on purpose and this whole game you play were you teasing me while your brother’s in the room and expect me not to get hard.” You breath hitched as Sehyoon squeezed your thigh and leaned in close to your ear. “I know how much you want me. I know how much you want me to fuck you like the dirty whore you are and I know how wet you are right now.” His hot breath in your ear sent tingles down to your core. “I bet that cute pussy of yours is soaked. You like it when I talk dirty to you. I bet you fantasize about me in the shower, I bet you dream about me, you probably even masturbate to me don’t you. You’re obsessed with me aren’t you y/n.” He pulled away and grinned. “I- Sehyoon..” you couldn’t think of any words right now. Somehow he knew everything about you. You’d met once and now two years later he somehow knows everything about you. You bit your lip and looked into his eyes. You leaned in to kiss his lips when you heard footsteps. You two separated as your brother walked back in the room.

“I found some movies we can watch if you ever get bored of playing video games.” You brother said setting them down on the coffee table. Sehyoon looked at you and his smirk caused you to blush even harder. “Pop one in. I wanna sit back and do nothing for a bit.” No sooner did the movie start when Sehyoon found your thigh again. He ran his hand slowly up and down it. He kept his eyes glued on the tv and you kept your eyes glued to his hands. You focused on breathing because he didn’t want to make any noise. You were turned on that Sehyoon was doing this with your brother less than five feet away. Sehyoon angled his arm so he could slide his hand under your short. You were glad you didn’t put on panties because there was no way in hell you were gonna wait impatiently for him to slip his finger around your panties too. It was a straight shot and opening your legs a bit really helped Sehyoon get in there. He let his fingers explore your folds, barely grazing your clit before he slowly slipped his first two fingers into you. You bite your lip hard to suppress the moan that almost escaped your throat. You leaned you head against the back of the couch enjoying the feeling of Sehyoon using his sexy fingers to stretch you out. It felt so much better than your own. You bucked your hips wanting him to go faster but he wouldn’t. 

Sehyoon turned to look at you while he grabbed the remote to turn the volume up. He smirked. Sehyoon enjoyed the look on your face. He put his other finger up to his mouth and made a shushing motion before he sped up. With no warning, his speed increasing and you had to cover your mouth with your hand. You were so scared your brother would be able to hear Sehyoon’s fingers sliding in and out covered in your cum that you closed your legs. This only caused you to discover a new feeling and it almost made you scream. Sehyoon pulled his fingers out of you and and changed his angle on the couch. Sitting closer to you with his right arm wrapped around you he lifted those fingers to your lips and you didn’t hesitate to wrap them around his fingers. You sucked slowly, savoring the flavor and the feeling of his fingers in your mouth. With his left hand he inserted those finger into you and picked up with the same speed from last time. You were terrified of getting caught but that didn’t stop Sehyoon. He kept pumping his digits until your legs began to shake. Your pussy was clenching around his fingers. He knew you were ready to cum. He also knew you were a brat and he wasn’t going to let you have your way. Not yet. Seconds before your orgasm approached he pulled his fingers out of your mouth and pussy at the same. You silently gasped, a tear of frustration leaving your eye. This caused Sehyoon to grin. He leaned in to your ear once more and through a quiet whisper he said “I’ve got all week to play my games with you. I’ll let you cum if you’re a good girl.”

[marsixm]

touch wood bc im always crashing and burning on shit like this but lately ive been somewhat remembering to keep up with a bunch of positive habits ive been trying to stick to for years.

ive noticeably been off my phone, my screen time is way down from last week, and the effects are def being felt. like all the shit where i was always feeling like i had no time, well, actually i do if im not spending a bunch of time distracted by twitter lmao

i know putting it down to one or even two things is too simple but i feel like a bunch of stuff has had a domino effect lately of positive changes adding up. i no longer am hosting people i didnt wanna host at my place, its not unbearably hot outside, im feeling way more secure in my relationships, im feeling confident due to noticeable skill improvements, and all those things are compounding each other and helping me maintain a lot of baseline stuff (mostly cleaning) which is then making me feel even better and able to do more of the stuff i often put off

4 example i finally made an appointment for my next tattoo, finally contacted my apt place about fixing my washer, am actually doing my skin care routine, actually clipping the dogs nails more (tho that ones mostly on him for fighting me lmao), im trying to ease my way back into reading too

a couple changes that are helping are, for one, i changed my morning routine up so i have like 20 minutes before making breakfast to start nursing my cup of coffee while i check my computer, respond to messages, and kinda mentally prep for the day, also instead of having either pure silence im trying to fill with picking out some other youtube video or being on my phone or whatever, im trying to just turn the tv on and let it play american dad (or whatever show ive already seen a million times) which i know sounds like it should be distracting but for me its not, and i really realized that recently that of course it would feel normal to just have the tv running thats literally how i grew up for my entire childhood and adolescence- im also giving myself my specific time for listening to music and time for listening to podcasts, and for podcast-esque yt vids, again everything towards having less mental hangups while trying to get other stuff done, AND im giving myself time to actually catch up on things like podcasts (im up to taz graduation now) which is also handy for not using data in my car, i actually set myself on a 5gb/month plan and this past month i had a whole gigabyte left over! + im amble to stick to the skin care routine better, for example, bc i realized just bc its a before bed skin care routine doesnt mean i have to do it RIGHT BEFORE bed, ie when im fucking sleepy and also dont want my face to feel weird & distracting. like i can do it a couple hours before, even, esp if im not going out. also this is either gonna sound silly or totally reasonable but ever since i got back into elden ring, the feeling its giving me of facing obstacles, getting defeated, but getting back up and trying harder and winning is like genuinely doing so many positive things for my self esteem and brain chemistry right now. also timers! i love timers! having an idea of how long something is taking me, or giving myself a predetermined block of time to do something, or just to nudge me to remind me what i was up to, super helpful

anyway im kinda going thru a transitional period rn bc im improving on a personal level a lot but my social life is kinda whacked out due to communication breakdowns and one of the key people moving states this week, but at the same time im also much more secure in my ability to socialize and bridge gaps and be there for people so its a very mixed bag but im trying to not just survive but thrive right now