#I AM A LITTLE PARANOID.
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actually you know what i’m going to ask anyway idc. if you wear a skin color shirt and someone (you have a positive relationship with) tells you that they love when people wear skin colored shirts is that a normal statement.
#nightmare.personal#i think the other incident with this person recently was probably a missed social cue which#i mean it was still uncomfortable but i can't really hold that against them?#they were like. i wore this shirt with the shoulders cut out so they were exposed#and she was like. nuzzling my skin? but i guess idk texture whatever#Sorry let me know if i need to tag this kind of thing this is just what happens in my stupid baka life i guess#EDIT OK NOW IM READING THIS AND I SOUND INSANE FOR THINKING THIS IS WEIRD SORRY.#I AM A LITTLE PARANOID.
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idk. meta knight
#magma doodles#meta knight#kirby#my art#am having one of those days#i think this was nice to draw#ive been a little paranoid about my coloring so this is nice to do rn#tw eyestrain#just in case
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JEONGHAN 💌 2024 New Year's Greetings Messages
#jeonghan.svt#3012#surprise!! i saud no original content snd yet. here i am lmao#i made these a few days b4 i left ^_^ bc also#i hope people like this jeonghan bc there was a Fine Line between him looking normal and him looking like a sunburnt white guy#so it's a little bit washed out unfortunately 💔 i was too paranoid ab making him look like raw chicken#svtsource#userzaynab#nanablr#homerunj#cheytermelon#userace#usersemily#jeonghan#seventeen#svt#yoon jeonghan#svt jeonghan
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Sangcheng week Day 2 - Music
Even with all the effort that Nie-zongzhu put into not cultivating properly with the Nie sabers, he still starts suffering from Qi deviations just like his predecessors, due to accumulated heart demons from the past decade. He vehemently refuses to be treated with the song of clarity for the longest time and only finally relents when he is promised to be held through it and kept safe by his beloved.
(this time i went with the live-action flavour because i never tried that before and it was pretty fun change actually haha)
#my art#sangcheng week 23#sangcheng week 2023#sangcheng#nie huaisang#jiang cheng#mdzs#oughhh ykno hfgjhfdk#little meow meow whos condition is getting worse and he knows it but cant stomach the thought of being treated this way for obvious reasons#or paranoid NHS that goes 'normally they could kill me with it but since JC is here theyre not gonna im fair game but they wouldnt hurt him#ok ok ok whatever 😭😭#hkfd again u can interpret this however you like also#with even whos treating him like is it random disciple or LWJ or LXC or LQR etc etc#i personally am leaning towards LWJ because they should be friends cuz i said so ok#(and lxc is in the middle of struggle hours so jhfjdh)
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Hey y'all! It's weird question time again! So that doctor I mentioned before that I wanted to make a dog plushie for because he has improved my quality of life so much* (and also inexplicably reminds me of like a greyhound or a borzoi) is my endocrinologist And, as my endocrinologist, he recommended back in December that I go see a rheumatologist, because he thinks I might have rheumatoid arthritis**. The staff at his office have been trying to get a rheumatologist for four months now. I know that, because yesterday I got a call from the rheumatologist's office and the nurse I spoke to said "Your doctor's office has been very...persistent about getting you this appointment" So now I kinda want to get something for the whole office? But idk what I could get them or make them. Like, in non-medical contexts I'd make cookies or brownies for a group, but I can't bring cookies to a doctor's office. I mean, I guess I could, but if I were them I would definitely not eat them, and I run the risk of allergy-ing a fellow patient. Is there like a gift basket or gift card or thank you card or something you can recommend?
*I mean he maybe should have found a diagnosis before offering me steroids about it but the low dose steroids have made such a HUGE difference in my quality of life I am thrilled with Tennessee's weird (to me, with my experience in California) medical practices **I don't think I have enough joint pain for it to be rheumatoid arthritis, but he's like the fourth doctor to tell me it's weird that when I got hives they usually started on joints, so maybe I'm wrong? I have the weird version of enough medical things that at this point I would not be surprised if I had Weird Rheumatoid Arthritis.
#the person behind the yarn#I want to show my appreciation to these people!#but in a not-super-weird way#because they are my doctors and I want them to think I am a normal human who is rational#so they continue to treat me well. because I am a little paranoid about that with doctors#because of That One Guy at the local urgent care back in socal#who decided one day I had anxiety instead of. you know. allergies.#and he saw me before the allergies got super bad when it was just moderate hives and gave me anxiety meds about it#and then like a year later I was in the beginning stages of a severe allergic reaction#which I knew by then was going badly so I went to the urgent care (like my doctor told me to!) to get steroids for it#and the same guy gave me anxiety meds again and sent me home#I had to go back the next day to get steroids#and the second doc took one look at me and like left the room to go set up a steroid shot#I was COVERED in hives#anyway it both makes me appreciate good doctors#and makes me want to try very hard to make them think I am Not Anxious#something both normal to want and possible to achieve lol
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So much of my home feed is just birds now this is fucking awesome
#goddamn I love birds#they’re so Shapes and Feathers and they’re silly and they make little noises#this would be autism liking levels of birds but I don’t know any cool facts abt them I just think they’re neat#<- I don’t mean. fuck this is worded badly. I’m autistic and was autistic about cats for basically my entire life (I still am) I’m not sayin#g that you have to know everything abt something so be autistic about it#and by autistic abt it I mean special interest#I’m not being mean I promise#I’m getting paranoid at my every word I’m sorry#I need to sleep
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your blue lock descent is so funny. NOW LETS TALK ABOUT NAGIIIIIIIIIIU
IO MY ANGELLLL <33333 YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE I CAN TRUST you don’t like isagi right…… surely not…………. BUT YES 🥺🥺🥺 NAGIIIIIIIII MY BABY MY ANGEL MY LIGHT . LOOK AT HIMMMMMM
#he’s a babyyyyyyy#lazy little cat guy <33333#my precious little puppet!!!!#OFC YOU LIKE NAGI IO I KNEWW I COULD TRUST YOU I ALWAYS CAN 🫂🫂🫂#DO U HAVE ANY OTHER FAVS?????? not isagi….. right…………..#pdjdkdjdi#sorry i . am paranoid the isagi lovers r EVERYWHERE :(((((#ask tag ✩#io !! ✩
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it turns out that, in moving, i have traded out having to deal with many small spiders for having to deal with the occasional fuckoff huge one
#what the FUCK was that thing#ive never had such an instant-panic killing out of desperation moment#it was giant. i could see Everything and it was horrible#im still breathing a little too fast that was just. get me out of here#it was Fast and Big and Spindly#i havent seen many spiders here but every single one ive seen has been bigger than im comfy with#if only there was a magic spider-repelling spell i could cast around myself an a ten foot bubble...#unfortunately no such thing exists!#absolutely unprompted#im gonna be so much more paranoid than i already am#if THAT can get into this house. jesus fuck#id love to look up what it was but that would mean looking at high resolution spider pics and i dont think i can do that#currently looking up spiders#i love torturing myself#its like 'normal picture normal picture normal picture WOLF SPIDER FACE CLOSEUP normal picture-'#thank you webbed site for that jumpscare i feel unwell and not in a good way#YEP OKAY THAT WAS FAR TOO MANY SPIDER PICS AND I STILL DONT KNOW WHAT IT WAS#it was huge and light brown with long legs and it was fucking Fast
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sitting in the parking lot thinking i might vom
#it's a chain place and ive been on the other side of places like this#(i wasnt an interviewer but i was friends with them)#and there at least people would show up late + in sweats for the interview and they'd get it!#they would show up with 'oh yeah interview today almost forgot' and they'd get it!#meanwhile im having a breakdown trying to do everything right and perfect#making sure i look nice but not too nice bc again its a chain fast food place and i cant try Too Hard#also these pants dont have belt loops and they tend to shift#AND my right hand is swollen from the wasp sting yesterday so im worried its gonna be 'wtf is wrong with you'#but also shouldn't it say something that im here anyway even though i could have rescheduled#but then its like... im not gonna kill myself for this place like i did at mcd and does it give that impression?#or should i have rescheduled bc they'll think it's bad decision making to come anyway with my hand swollen#also worried that i should have parked nearby and come over closer to the time bc am i the freak sitting in the parking lot#but at least im early! but am i too early? but im out here not rushing them. but should i be so they know I Am Interested#not to even mention wtf im gonna say to them to explain my employment gap#and im so paranoid that im gonna go in and say im there for an interview and they're gonna be like ???#bc it was through an automatic text/email thing when i applied#which was how my last job happened but idk. maybe im an idiot and it's all fake so they can point and laugh#and i KNOW thats ridiculous. but that's how it feels rn.#also im worried they'll ask if i want something to eat/drink and i dont know the right answer#like i feel like i should say yes bc what do you mean you wont eat here? but the wrong thing means im taking advantage#and how will i be if im actually working there?#and its all so dumb bc#AGAIN people roll out of bed confident and they're fine. meander their way through and theyre fine. theres no reason to think i wont be#but ANXIETY#its gonna be an out of body experience no matter what and later I'll wonder about all the things i dont remember#if i fucked up or not#and now i have to go in bc it's 7 minutes until my time and i want to be a little early but not too much#fuck#wish me luck#ks talks
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my boss has made it her mission today to comment frequently about how “weird” i’m acting and how i seem “off” and it’s like i don’t know what to say to that. i am just being myself. glad to know you think i’m off-putting and weird! thanks for taking multiple opportunities today to tell me as much 🫠
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I fucking love Minsc.
#baldur’s gate 3#minsc#bg3 minsc#matt mercer#astarion#minsc of rashemen#whyyyyy do you show up#so late in the game?????#I would have you by my side always#we all should carry a little Minsc in us#who in turn carries a little boo#also ngl astarion/minsc? i fw it#nothing like pairing a paranoid dumbass#with an unstoppable one#who I bet is very open about affection#oh I am down a rabbit hole now later lads
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there's a part of my brain that really wonders how simon snow would feel if he knew how many people just unironically celebrated his birthday, on a meta level. not because it's like a chosen-one national holiday and he's the protagonist, but because they love him as a person and want to see him succeed, prophecy be damned.
#frequently daydreaming about 'fictional character finds out how much they are Loved'#as someone with a lot of paranoid intrusive thoughts about 'what if i'm being observed by a third party what if i am a book being read' lik#I CANNOT HELP BUT TEAR UP A LITTLE simon buddy do you know that you are our Favorite and it's not because the audience sees you as a messia
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Mira shenanigans
#She’s named after Princess Miracle Pemberton from the Five Kingdoms series#I was obsessed with it during Covid but it doesn’t have much of a fandom 😭#Srsly we’d get her own toys but the dogs keep eating them 💀#No I do not leave pencils around unless I’m watching her and she’s never eaten them#only chews on them a little and I always take it away when she starts to I promise I take care of my baby girl#I should get her catnip tho… she’d love that#I kinda have to make my own toys for her with string and sticks 😭💀#Sorry my voice sounds weird too#I’ve got the plague (Covid)#Thanks fam for bringing that back with you from Yellowstone XDXD at least it hasn’t hit me as hard as it did them#My lungs r struggling tho..im out of breath#and have a cough that just sits low in my lungs and throat#its really annoying#Just realized me telling her have a copic could sound like a rich girl pick me#I am in no way rich or a pick me please trust I’m so paranoid after someone called me a pick me as a “joke” at school once#it was just the closest thing next to me I could distract her with I practically sleep with them I cherish them so much#Mom bought those for Christmas for me#I hadn’t even asked for anything related to them considering she has my three brothers who are asking fo stuff like Xbox’s and nintendos lo#😭 I love my mom
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Another day, another suspiciously yellow and black animal showing up that i have named Bill.
This poor injured swallowtail was in the backyard, so i offered him a variety of flowers then moved him to a safe spot since i cant really do more to help him. He kept trying to climb my arms, but i politely asked him not to try to crawl on my face and i think he agreed.
When I was grabbing some flowers down the road, there was also a flock of goldfinches flitting around the thistles to add to my yellow-animals tally, but i couldn't get any good pics of them.
Between the goldfinches that have shown back up for the first time since june, this butterfly, and Bill the Caterpillar (who has since crawled off somewhere), I'm starting to debate whether spending the past 2 weeks joking about being possessed by bill cipher was a good idea.
Also i came face to face with a deer while out alone last night and i didn't like the way she took a step toward me when i held my hand out. She bowed to me so i bowed back and after about a minute of staring she decided to wander away.
#starting to fear that im living in a bill cipher themed arg#i am taking every pain to be as nice to all of these freaky animals as possible fjdklsa#just in case#id be nice to them anyway but it feels especially important now#i also usually wouldnt pick up a butterfly but his wings are already too messed up for me to really do damage : (#im learning that if you joke about gravity falls being real enough and pretend to be paranoid#then that paranoia will quickly stop being a joke fjkdlsa#the deer especially freaked me out. theyre around here all the time and are very cute#but when you lift up your flashlight to see eyes shining at you directly at human eye level its kind of Freaky#i always try to bow back to the deer. just to be nice.#was lowkey highkey convinced that she was going to try to shake my hand with her weird little hoof#also i hope bill the caterpillar is safe wherever he went#and that bill the butterfly enjoys at least one of the flowers. i wish i could do more for him but i dont have an enclosure : (#seriously though if i get possessed.... oops ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#cute animals#insects#bugs#other things#fluffle talks#not tagging this as anything but i used the show name in the tags so itll probably show up somewhere anyway fjkdsla
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I need to stop having one weird reaction with someone and then letting the anxiety decide in my head that the friendship is doomed because I ruined it like it's my absolute worst trait and I just have to move past it but it's hard
#i have to operate under the assumption that if people have an issue they will tell me but unfortunately this isnt true .#and it has happened to me in the past that i thought everything was ok because people were giving signals i wasnt picking up on#due to the autism so now im paranoid and constantly looking for signs i did something wrong and people are mad#and then i find them where they arent there which perversely does more to ruin a friendship than almost anything else#like the constant Are you mad at me... so i try to force myself not to do that and just#try to again assume that people arent however. im so worried about being blindsided Also of course i naturally dont want to make people#upset so if i am doing something wrong i want to change my behavior. however the fact its nuanced like#where you have to only do that a little bit and then take people at their word most of the time#fucking sucks like you actually are required in relationships to read peoples unspoken signals but you cant do that Too much#and if you misinterpet them its bad... but you cant ask for feedback too much because thats bad too. IT DOES MY HEAD IN actually like#it makes it so hard for me to interact with people because im just worried All of the time . and i have to be constantly like#ok check the facts and adjust behavior. check the facts and adjust behavior. make sure the facts are facts and not jumping to conclusions.#ok how do i do that . ok when do i ask directly. also people dont always tell the truth when you Do ask directly .#and then this is why my whole life i have mostly kept to myself and im trying to stop doing that but its hard because talking to others is a#puzzle for me that stresses me out more than anything else. man this sucksssssss can i just BE NORMAL!!!!!!#i know like Everyone has this problem its a common issue with relationships Communication but it feels especislly difficult for me .i#like cant fathom how other people manage very large numbers of friendships like even being able to count my close friends#on one hand i feel like im barely managing everything and im letting everyone down constantly but again i think thatsnonly my perception/#worry and not even true. god
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Man I wonder where the leader of the fear realm could've gone, it's alMOST LIKE NEVIN HAS AN
#had to re-edit the image real quick because the original edit was from a post I made about Drew years ago#and while the Drew thing is becoming less and less likely. Nevin havinv one has basically been canon since#someone mentioned Greg's (was it Britney's) aura being familiar in s2ch1. ive been putting together a list of every line#that points to Nevin's aura throughout the whole thing (most from s2ch1 but then s2ch10 came out and it was really canon at that point)#but clearly i'm running out of time to say ''i fucking called it'' before it's explicitly stated and i dont want to be in another situation#where somebody else will beat me to a theory and me posting anything about it will seem like copying them. sorry about that btw i had#thought i had already mentioned theorizing that nevin was possessed by a demon in that old theory i made but i had forgotten that one was#super old and was about sigma. so no copying there i just got extremely paranoid there was a mention of a cult and i was like ''nuh uh#that's way too specific and out there of a detail to end up in both our theories'' and i forgot the rest of my super old post was outdated#as hell. and echos had gone ''yeah they're so similar!'' and i took their word for it but now i'm realizing they were probably just trying#to be supportive. so yeah no copying there i was just beaten to the punch of saying something. but i will NOT back down from the aura shit#because i have been calling that shit FROM THE START or at least since i started reading ibvs back when ch20 came out.#also not backing down from saying chris was the worse friend because these past few chapters are the first time isaac has done anything tha#could knowingly upset chris meanwhile chris has. let edward drag isaac to the lair after isaac said edward would beat him up. chose not to#believe edward was holding the secrets over their heads because 'it was something isaac had said' and then immediately distrusted edward in#the next chapter because a random person he didn't know said to steal a book (might i mention how that entire scene proves chris' lack of#development and refusal to take responsibility because it perfectly alludes to when chris had brought those fireworks into his old school#and makes me wonder if charlie has actually gotten him in trouble with his past schools or if he's still just not taking responsibility#and if him following nevin to the woods to test out their powers is an extension of ''if something bad happens its not my fault''#like seriously this man would bring a mysterious suitcase onto a plane if he's told to). uh what was i talking about agai#anyway on a related note my mental state has only gotten worse since i left tumblr and the habit of thinking about chris instead of sleepin#or doing schoolwork has not stopped. so i was still failing for a while and might graduate now but am still staying away from tumblr.#so yeah this was a little update and im not going to linger this time im just going to leave tumblr again right after hitting post#addendum because i just can't let things go. and was thinking about chris again. i don't think his lack of development is because of bad#writing (anymore. i used to.). instead i'm certain his character arc is going to continue into him following someone (nevin probably) into#doing something really bad. and then he'll finally get actual consequences and go 'oh shit i fucked up real bad this time'#if you think that theory is reaching too far into the future you should hear mine about isaac dying at the end lmao
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