#I ACTUALLY have a ton of ideas with everything that’s come out so far 😭

[chloesimaginationthings]

Do any of you remember Scott's games before FNAF?

[invidiia]

oh my god the yan!dazai x willing reader fic😭 i love reading this type of content (its a trauma response but the idea of someone obsessing over me brings me comfort </3)

Can you write something more for yan!dazai and reader? Like dazai somehow forgets his keys at home giving reader full access to run away/call for help, but when he comes back running to his apartment worried he sees them cooking something for him and what surprises him the most is the fact that he didn’t have most of the ingredients which means that they went outside to buy them and actually came back <3

❐ - yandere osamu dazai (bsd) with a reader who to left the house to make dinner.

note ; HII thank you for requesting!! and the beginning of the request really made me think, and i realized you were completely right and i relate deeply !! on another topic besides the request, i feel bad about writing ever since character ai came about, because what's the point of writing fics and hcs for people who can just make everything they want happen with ai?! but i'll continue, of course!! alsoo ada dazai

prompt ; dazai's beloved cooks for him after he left for the store.

warning ; kidnapping, possibly soft!yandere dazai AT FIRST, mentioned suicide (it's dazai)

masterlist - rules - previous work

when dazai finally trusts you enough to be by yourself while he went out to run errands, it was like you felt relief for the first time in years. maybe it was.

he didn't specify what he was doing, but he did seem like he would be out for a long time. but for whatever reason in the world, you didn't exactly plan to fully escape from him. maybe you were on something, because anybody else would have went as far as they could.

dazai kissed the top of your top of your head affectionately. "my dear," he addressed to you, his voice sweet, just like every other time he spoke. "i have to run errands, okay? can you promise me that you'll be good while i'm gone?" dazai rested his head on top of yours, holding you closely to his chest in a tight hug. you nodded your head against him, and he smiled. "i'll be off now, my love." and with that, dazai walked out the door, completely forgetting his keys on the table.

maybe you were drugged, high or some kind of intoxicated, because anyone would be overjoyed to see that their kidnapper left their keys with them, and they'd try to leave! i mean, dazai was normally cautious - how stupid of him this evening.

but for just some reason, any reason in the world, you didn't leave the house for freedom. instead it was for.. groceries? dazai did feed you often, but it was usually food from a local place that he liked a lot more than cooking, hence the reason there were barely any ingredients to make dinner with.

maybe you were doing this to gain trust and then turn your back on him later? well, it was too late, dazai left the keys here, and you were free to escape. so the first place you decided to go? the grocery store.

walking through the produce isle, you turned your head anxiously, looking behind your back to see if dazai found out you left and followed you. but no one was there, not at all. you were safe.

you gathered up money from inside your pockets when the man first took you - enough to buy a couple vegetables, a bag of rice, and a bit of chicken. that was enough for tonight!

upon your return to the apartment, nobody was there, so you got to work, having not been caught by dazai on your little outing to the store.

it was pretty easy to make fried rice. you found yourself in the kitchen chopping vegetables to put into the frying pan while you seasoned the chicken. dazai didn't have a ton of seasoning in his cabinets.. guess this guy liked his stuff plain? but you worked with what you had, and you were able to make a pretty damn good plate of chicken fried rice. the meal was perfect, and you had just finished when the door opened up. it was dazai. the brunette man opened up the door rather quickly, slipping inside the apartment. "belladonna.. this smells amazing!"

dazai was quick to praise your cooking, even telling you that he didn't want to eat your masterpiece in hopes of ruining it, but you told him to sit down and just eat it.

and that he did, and he loved it! he didn't act like anything was wrong, it went perfect! he praised your cooking skills the entire time while he ate.

even you forgot that you snuck out to retrieve your ingredients!

"belladonna," dazai spoke, sweetly. you were both nearing the end of the meal, with just two bites of the food left on the plate. "your cooking is absolutely perfect, you know that? i almost forgot that we didn't have any vegetables in the house." you tensed up. this was such a stupid idea, sneaking out to get ingredients for your meal. "i found those in the cabinet, you brought them home one night. don't you remember?" you lied nervously, biting up the inside of your mouth while you just silently begged he would believe you. "i would never think about willingly buying bell peppers unless i planned to cook such a meal. why would you leave the apartment, dear?" dazai slid his chair back, stepping towards you with his hands in his pockets. this was stupid, a stupid mistake that you can't undo. "no matter.. you didn't run away.. so what am i to do with you?" he grabbed a lock of your hair, pulling it upwards so you could face him. you cried out, whimpering in pain - but he paid no attention to it, looking you in the eye. "let's see."

[anzuhan]

Hello! I'm new to your account but I just want to say your art is suuuuupper pretty! I want to know Anzu's lore, have you written it down anywhere or have discussed it with a previous ask yet?

hello, thank you and glad you asked 🫶 anzu never really speaks about anzu's lore because its overly complex and anzu wouldve wanted to save it for later for when anzu could actually pursue vtuber & idol activities, however its been 4 years and anzu still couldnt really. manage to do that. so anzu will talk about it now 👍 ^ _^)👍

anzu just hopes youre ready for a VERY long post (under cut because. otherwise itll be a post the length of do you like the color of the sky and dont wanna take up peoples dashes 😭)

so based on anzu's current design you'd probably think anzu is a vampire. which isnt entirely wrong but also. WRONG !! you see, anzu isn't from this world, universe, dimension, what have you. anzu comes from a very distant place in its own right that cannot exactly be entered, not even by anzu anymore due to how anzu was exiled from it. 'us' that live there are not entirely a species that is documented by the ones here, so anzu cant exactly tell you what anzu is, but the closest word to it of the inhabitants of this world would be probably close enough to shapeshifter; anzu doesnt exactly fit all characteristics of one, but that is still the best word youve all got for it ! anzu in a way also works like a candle, though anzu isnt made from wax or anything of the like (´ﾉω；`) anzu's insides are hollow and anzu's 'life' is given by a flame inside of anzu's body. it is closer enough to the fire that exists in this world, but also not entirely due to how it can hardly go out. back in anzu's 'world' we all lived under something close to a high governance of 'elders', but anzu would also compare it close to what people tend to call cults here. anzu did not like it, and though its painted as bad to be kicked out of that realm, anzu is kind of happy to have gone out ☆

anzu was also lucky enough to come across another of anzu's kind in the first world anzu was thrown into after the exile that could teach anzu how everything works. we are not exactly built for battle, though maybe sadly for anzu, anzu loves combat </3 our kind can go through dimensions, time and space at will, so we do not exactly age the same as humans. anzu could be 99308 one day and then 193993 the next one ! if anzu did some time skips or dimension skips or what have you. anzu has also given up trying to keep track of anzu's age, though last time anzu's checked, it was around 102000s (this may become invalid even by tomorrow)

the way we see things are as all stories, tales and also things far unknown beyond your imagination are their own dimension; dimensions are split into timelines; there is always a main timeline that shouldnt be interfered with, the one that you may call 'the one with the given fate', where all things go as they should, whether that be bad or not. and then after this one, theres thousands of subtimelines where minor changes have happened in everyones lives; anzu is free to go and disrupt those with anzu's own ideas of how things shouldve went~ truth to be told, anzu tends to become attached a ton to the ones that have sealed fates that cannot be changed.. well. almost, until anzu'd come in, of course ! and sometimes anzu cant help it but want to interfere. to how dimensions also work, a copy of every single person existing in said dimension exists in every copy of the main timeline; though, because anzu does not belong to any dimensions anzu goes thru, there can only be one anzu at a time anywhere.

anzu, across time and looking over all tons of different universes, has fallen in love with idols in each and every one of them. so anzu's quest is to end up becoming an idol in every dimension anzu goes to ! all different looks of anzu you see also tend to be so that anzu can fit in better here or there ... though despite anzu's spent so long among humans from so many different dimensions, anzu still struggles to understand some pretty simple things sometimes. either way, because anzu wants to be not only just any kind of idol but a cosplayer idol as well (i.e like fuyume hanamura from enst), its also good to have huge variety, right? ♡

this is what anzu looks like normally, anzu usually refers to this as 'default' or just 'sumika', given that was the name anzu chose when anzu had come onto a dimension outside of anzu's own. you may see it from time to time, and they may not always look identical but anzu thinks its pretty usual to spot in most drawings whenever it is the 'default' !

among the usual white holographic hair and the usual characteristics, anzu's also had blonde hair for a while ... anzu does not really like to act as an idol like this, but anzu does that.. sometimes ! and for the blonde times, it was more a case of spicing things up.. ?

those are also just a very small portion of what anzu's 'default' looks like. below is a much much larger strip of looks, though not updated.

okay ! now that we've established that that is, what a normal person would probably call anzu's 'natural' look, next are two charts of anzu's looks anzu used to use and that anzu still uses sometimes ! you see there far more often than the default, due to the fact that anzu prefers to perform idol work and activities through them. the default from before is more of a personal and casual thing(＞＜*)ノ~~~~~

(x next to the name means they do not get used anymore; checkmark means they still get used; the time below the name in paranthesis refers to when they were initially active)

though they all have a bit of a different personality and characteristics, theyre still all anzu ! anzu is anzu no matter what anzu looks like, so please dont forget that☆ if you wish to know more about any in particular, or want to see more art of either, feel free to send a further ask about it ! theres tons of arts of every single one of them.

anzu had also not described every single little thing about anzu's backstory or things anzu is capable of, tales of things thatve happened in this or that time/space/dimension/etc ; so if you have anymore questions about any and all of them please ask as well ! anzu is happy if youre interested in anzu♡

[arandomnerd810]

TADC EP 2 SPOILERS

putting down all my thoughts and stuff i’ve noticed lets gooo

AAAAAAAAAGDEKNSQKDFUNFSIDANIVUFDN OMG IT WAS SO CUTEEEEHKQVSHKUHSQDFKHSDF I LOVED IT SO MUCHHH

i’m gonna speak in periods for the first paragraph since it’s very long but do not get me wrong i don’t wana be serious sounding it’s just to make these paragraphs more readable excuse the rambling

Caine posting section cause he’s my special intrest

satisfaction Caine wise 10/10

first the elephant in the room as Caine’s #1 fan yep still his number one fan! Serial Designation N killed tons of people yet nobody in the fandom cares, and Caine doesn’t get people well so he had no ill intention. rlly my opinion of him has not changed he’s still my silly lil goober no matter what he does. i’ve always known he will do horrible things and been expecting this to happen ever since Pomni gave the idea to bring him to the circus. Gummigoo had a sir pentious like death so i wouldn’t be surprised if we see him again.

he may be an asshole but he’s my asshole ❤️❤️

now that that’s out of the way a little glimpse of Caine angst is all i could have asked for in this ep 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 like cmon everyone has to agree insecure much?

Caine posting over cause my god have i gotten more attached to everyone else aswell! (ofc Caine’s still my fav by far)

satisfaction with everything else 10/10

the fact that this wasn’t censored normally (no wacky sounds or the censor bar) and how Caine reacted with “you can’t say that…” could imply bubble said all of this out loud uncensored which is very funny to me

I love Ragatha she’s so sweet look at her ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I wana see where everyone’s friendship goes from here! they are already so adorableeee

still a sucker for found family dynamics

the fact Jax wasn’t here but still was upset is :( as much as i like to bully him, i love him just as much as any other human character. i’m the most interested in his episode cause he’s a mysterious guy( and i may or may not have a sneaking feeling like ill relate to him a little even though our personalities are practically polar opposite)

Kinger is so fatherly auughofewhiuhefvw the fact he’s old enough to have kids and is more likely than not married to Queenie imagine he had kids before coming here they would only be in like middle school ish cause he’s not even that old that’s sad af

GANGLE COLLECTS ANIME FIGURESSSS!! SHES JUST LIKE ME FRRR!

this really makes me want to buy the gangle plushie i’m thinking i’m gonna do it lmaooo

the fact she started crying 😭😭

Zooble wasn’t taking part in the adventure cause they were setting up Kaufmo’s graveee i love him sm

GANGLE ART!!

It’s really funny how chilled out Bubble was here

merch talk timeeee

sneak peaks of the rooms mayhaps?

Let’s just hope there’s only memes around it and not another figure incident….

welp going onto grab the Gangle plushie i’ve decided

real talk i’m actually happy TADC got so popular cause ive made a friend through it already and strengthened old ones since info dumping is the only form of communication my braincells can handle well lmaooo it’s crazy how many of my friends have decided to watch my special interest

[buried-in-autumn-leaves]

My girl btw if you even care (Qiu Route OC Intro Post)

Beatrice Callegari (who later goes by Bea, and then Trixie, changing each step) is my obligatory crossover OC. She moved around a lot, but in a small area, spending the last few years before Step One in Prism Vista. She's stubbornly independent, and blames Opal for her not having any friends. She liked the city because she likes loud active places, so the quiet nature of Golden Grove puts her off, and she complains about it constantly, going as far as to refuse to admit when she likes something about it.

She like... hates boys as a kid 😭 LIKE YK HOW LITTLE GIRLS ARE LIKE EWWW BOYS

She feels the need to be better than any boy she meets, so when she meets Qiu and he genuinely impresses her it pisses her off. When Qiu tells her what his name means and she doesn't know what hers means she's like why would you ever one up me like that I hate you. She has a crush on him from the start but it manifests in like a "I hang around him because I need to impress him so he thinks I'm better than him". Qiu doesn't catch on, he just thinks they're hanging out. She gets along fine with Tamarack but they do clash in Step One because she tends to treat everyone like they're less capable, like she parents her friends and it can come across as infantilization 😭

Because of her issues with boys her and Ren beef hardcore in Step One, and she doesn't really understand why it bothers her so much when Qiu sides with Ren over her. She also HATES Baxter but she will heal, trust 🤞

Step Two Bea is a MENACE. She wants so badly to be better than she was, but with Tama and Qiu going through their teen angst phases it basically like annoys her? Like she is trying to be better but she's very emotional and set off really easily. This leads to her having trouble keeping friends because of her trouble keeping her outbursts in check. She does get better at this over the course of the step, but it's basically a consequence of her suddenly deciding she's not gonna be that mean kid anymore.

She is really protective over Tamarack in this step. This causes some issues when Qiu and Tama clash, because Bea does defend Tamarack, but not out of any genuine anger towards Qiu. She just misses the way Qiu used to be and it makes her mad that other people effected them the way they did. This step is also where the majority of healing with Opal happens, which I'm not gonna talk about too much until I can play more of the step.

Also !!!! Her gender journey is effected a lot by Qiu in Step Two. She still uses she/her in Step Two (she's genderqueer and uses all pronouns after this) but she already knows that something isn't right here. She won't say anything because she has this paranoid obsession with the idea that people will think she's 'copying' Qiu due to how small the town is. She goes by Bea because she hates her birth name and figured it'd be easy to explain, but she still doesn't like it.

In Step Three, they go by Trixie. Fun fact this name was actually chosen by Qiu who called her that once as a joke, but she ends up liking it so much she keeps it. At his point he's accepted his emotions as part of him, and reached a sort of healthy middle between letting everything show and repressing until he snaps. This manifests in the form of almost constant snark and sarcasm.

This is the point where he gets into cosmetology. As a baby punk she did a lot of research into things like DIY and upcycling clothes but found she had a knack for cutting and styling hair. They love makeup and dyeing hair but won't dye their own because of the damage it can do to naturally red hair. (Side note, that one pic of those two girls where like one is sitting on the others lap and doing her makeup- that's Trix and Qiu.)

He doesn't give up on his aggressive protective instinct, even if Tama insists she doesn't need to be protected. He gets along a lot better with his mom, and even though he still misses the city a ton, he gets a sort of attachment to Golden Grove. (She's literally like there is one good small town.)

Most of this is open to change as the game comes out, but I am really excited about their character since I don't do OCs that don't like people much, especially their parents.

[jiminiesfavouritecolourisblue]

Just me fangirling every day since you decided to answer my message thinking on the fact that my wirter crush answered me! 😭 Blue! How many times I tought about the fact that I would love to have a book written by you on my hands to keep and cherish forever while I was on my way to read all you have shared! 💜 An now that I've read the lattest chapter of OLL 🥴 I'm done! I will religiously follow you to see and enjoy what you have to tell us trough your stories!

You ask me to tell you which is my fav story so far, but it's nearly impossible! Instead may I say WHY I love each one? Let me tell you that the first story I read was The CEO BTS one, and to say that I was speachless is little compared to what I really felt! I forgot about time and got lost and carried away by your style of writing! I was (still am) so enamoured of the fact that you write Bangtan so well! I can perfectly picture everyone doing what you say on every scene. For example, I remember the scene when MC was locked away on the archive room and everyone was trying to coax her open the door asking what happened but Hobi was the one who went to actually investigate what happened going to see on the security cameras, I nearly yelled: OF COURSE IT WAS MY MAN! That's so hecking OC of him! 😫 Think there was the point when you bewitched me 😂 I'm OT7 but Hobi is my forever bias ❤️ Rhen when I started reading OLL and got to the point when we saw Hobi's sadistic side 👁️👄👁️... Well, I've never before harboured thoughts of him doing that kind of stuff but it was so perfect that it just makes total sense with his personality 😂

And then I got to read Bleeding butterflies 😭 and I have zero regrets of not sleeping those days because I was so hooked on the world you created! The way you describe every member with them powers that fits so well! The way you included that awesome scenes with Taetae speaking to Erebos, Nyx and the other gods! The scene with the fairies emerging from the woods 😍 Blue you have my eternal gratitude for letting me experience that universe along my seven boyfriends 😭

I hope this long long letter doesn't botter you 🥹 but I have a ton of compliments to write, because as I previosly told you, I've been on a rollercoastee of emotions reading your works ❤️ The last story I read was Harbouring an hybrid 😭 and I'm so worried for Jiminshi that it brakes my heart to pieces! Altought I still harbour some hope 😭

Big thank you for answering my message and hope you know how amazing and how talented you are! 🫣 Sorry! Much text... By now you must know how passionately I express myself 😂 I left much toughts unsaid! Like how I adored The royal bodiguards AU 💜 and every What if story 😍 specially the Hybrids! Because You take care of details and explain every hecking fact too well it blows my mind!

Okok love u and goodnight!

😭😭😭 do you know how many times I’ve reread this 🥺🥺🥺 I actually want to bawl my eyes out this was everything 💜💜💜 you can have whatever the hell you want from me lovely, whatever update chapter new fic idea spoilers etc etc whatever you want it’s yours I don’t even care anymore that was everything 🥹🥹🥹

My universes are so close to my heart so when someone appreciates them like this I just get so soft 😭

I am keeping you forever and ever and ever don’t even THINK about leaving me I will riot and go on hiatus until you come back 🥺 …..no pressure 🤣🤣

I’ve actually reread harbouring a hybrid because I need to update it it’s been too long and I forgot how sad I made it 👀 even I was like what the hell

Please take my heart and all my love 💜

[get-rammed]

The way you’ve created your versions of Monty and the AUs is actually amazing, (I actually love Monty even more because of your work ) but I gotta know, how did you come up with everything?

(Like personality types, AU specifics, etc.)

💫Depression💫 /hj

More or less my Monty has always been...Like that™. Some may say a soft boy

So originally the SB designs got leaked way back in 2020 on a calender or something, and I went "oh I like the gator" and made these. A design that's familiar to the game, but still my type™

Which the first one was my first ever piece in CSP :)

And Montgomery lived pretty rent free in my mind. I can't find them, but I had doodled him a bunch on my work sheets through the next 2 months.

Then I kind of forgot about him till sept 2021 with some trailers dropping

Which this ⬆️ was born out of. I had a general idea in my head how this guy worked/had my own headcanons based off what little we had. Which was pretty far off from actual canon lmao.

The orignal black spike bits in the neck and ankles were meant to represent corruption, but just kinda, became part of the design for me. I phased out the ankle and elbow spikes when doing my series since I threw out the direct corruption theory

When the game finally dropped, it reignited my love of the gator. Which was when I made this. ⬇️

I had no real ideas in my head at the time, just "Ha ha what if you were a maintenance worker that Monty liked to hit on-"

And it snowballed. So very hard.

I went from maintenance staff to "oh well I drew them with Monty on their boots and they're in his colors...hmm what if every animatronic had a Handler?" and then it rolled into "okay how do I explain my ideas of a pre Glamrock Monty?" and "Idk I'd like to think he was chill before he got his upgrades-" and "Hmm. What if the viewer insert was super close with Monty?" which was when I made my first video. I posted it to tik tok and made myself food.

Needless to say I was not prepared for how fast it took off. And I had planned on making more either way because I like to tell stories, even if nobody is listening. But the excitement from people spurred me on

And I drew a ton of art and wrote a lot of things, but I got bored. But with the dlc, my hyperfixation reemerged with a fucking vengeance

So many people wanted to hear my story, and I appreciated it immensely, and I still do 🥺💕💕💕

I love all of you 😭💕💕💕💕

And my Monty gained his iconic snakebites when I stole them off a different oc of mine. Zel ⬇️

As for everyone else. They're just random ideas I had and went "I can work with that." because my brain never shuts off. I have. So many ideas. It's just a matter of getting the energy for it all.

The werebeings AU was always kind of a thing, as evidenced in the sept 2021 doodle. He reemerged later on in my art and I essentially moved the microscope around till I was happy. And we got the dork we have now

[dandelionflowery]

😭

Bit of a vent

If you read this I am very sorry about all the initals but I didn't want to give their real names so my friends are M (they/them), E, Y, L, the one i'm going to call X just because we already have E (all she/her)

So

My friends and I have a gc

In the gc, they suggested going out to lunch and then a museum together

People reacted to the message so I assumed that meant that they were all willing, there was some discussion about one of them [X] being away until sunday night and someone else [either M or Y] said that was a shame.

It was supposed to be yesterday (friday), the evening before (so thursday) I asked what time and where we should meet.

I got told that it was a bit hard for the day we'd planned, they had a lot of stuff to do in the end so we moved it to today.

This morning, still no info, so I sent a message to the group and to one of my friends [M] separately (I figured they'd be the most likely to answer and i was right) bc if we were supposed to meet at noon or something I'd have to leave way earlier than the others (they live in the big city, L and I don't)

M actually answered super fast, and answered my question of "uh are we doing something today ?? (implied 'bc no one's said anything')" by saying "No in the end 🥲 we wanted to talk about it in the gc but everyone forgot hold on"

I couldn't think of anything so i just said "oh ok"

M then sent this "In the end it's hard for like a lot of people bc homework, I have family at my house etc 💀 we're going to have to change the date again + sniff" in the gc

(side note idk if sniff makes sense in English but it's like a tear ig- i'm translating everything so in french it does make sense at least)

And then M came back to dms to tell me they'd sent the message in the gc and I askes if they'd discussed it before/elsewhere

Very cheerily, M answered "Yep! E invited us for a sleepover!"

I just said "oh ok" again but wtf

I had no idea E had invited them for a sleep over, and I'm absolutely not saying they can't do that, but the use of the word 'us' does make me think that E invited M and at least one of the others. The thing is that there are 6 of us in the friendgroup, and we'd already established that one of them was unavailable, so if E invited M plus one other person, that leaves two of us out. I have a feeling she invited Y (they live like right next to each other), but she is also "fake dating" L (idk what's going on there)

L may not have been invited to the sleepover, she lives about as far as I do from the four who live in the big city, but then again she may have been (especially since M said that "everyone" forgot, which could technically be three people but it makes it sound like they all talked together and at one point remembered that they should probably tell me but that they'd do it later).

Again, I'm not saying they can't have sleepovers without me, space is limited after all, and i know that the distance makes it hard for me. But since we met last year, M, E and Y have had afaik a ton of sleepovers together, L has done a lot too I think and I just feel like X and I are often excluded.

We've done some sleepovers with everyone of course, for the past Halloween for example, and there was one, for M's end of June birthday, where I had definitely been invited but either I was getting my wisdom teeth out or I would already be out of the country for that one.

I'm honestly used to feeling like an outcast (...middle school was... interesting...) but I thought that with these girls (and nb person) that I wasn't as much of an outcast, but then they do this and... Yeah I still am not really part of a friend group apparently...

Oh also I realize that stuff happened, which is perfectly fair and everything, but I did try to invite them all over to my house for a sleepover recently, and the evening before E mentioned she couldn't come - no explanation - and L didn't seem to think the invitation applied to her (i'd called it a yarn party and she doesn't know how to knit or crochet and apparently doesn't want to learn - which, fair, but literally all the others know how to crochet - so I guess she felt excluded? Even though I would have been more than happy to have her come over)

M got to my house pretty much on time, at about the same time E said she'd be half an hour late bc she was finishing homework. Y sent a message at the time we'd planned to meet at my house (bc i actually like knowing schedules and stuff) saying that she had just woken up and so it would be a bit hard for her to come over and she had things to do.

So basically I invited 5 people and 2 showed up

And i know that most of them are fed up with another friend of mine [A] for whom I'm almost literally their only friend (X hangs out with us? But is usually caught up in her thoughts and seems to mostly just follow me, so if I decide to leave A and go with M, Y, E and L, X will follow me and abandon A as well) and A absolutely cannot stand Y, E or M and they + L can't stand A so they might be a bit annoyed about me hanging out with A (...so am i honestly, I like A but I have to deal with all of their mood swings and i almost feel guilty if i want to go chat with my other friends, who i would rather be with)

Anyways I'm probably overanalyzing this way too much, they definitely didn't mean to exclude me, they genuinely like me (again, a fact that's new bc middle school 💀) but I'm just kinda annoyed (/sad/jealous/idk emotions i usually bottle them up) that they didn't include me

If you read all this, i hope that wasn't too incoherent lol, bc I sure as heck am not rereading all that lol

[wickedscribbles]

Trouble That I Always Find

Masterlist

Anonymous requested Ahsoka falling ill either on one of her missions or shortly after the Clone Wars, and a concerned Rex taking care of her! I got a ton of ideas for this prompt -- hope you enjoy! AND SORRY I TOOK SO LONG 😭 Title is from this song, which has always given me the biggest Ahsoka vibes. 

Summary: They both know that Ahsoka’s been pushing herself too hard. Does that mean that Ahsoka will actually take the time she needs to rest? Nope. Does that mean that Rex is going to let her keep working through whatever illness she’s managed to pick up? Of course not. Set not long after the end of the Clone Wars -- Ahsoka is 19. In an AU where Rex and Ahsoka *don’t* immediately split up to go their separate ways across the galaxy. Pairing: Maybe a hint of Rexsoka, if you’re looking. Third Person Ahsoka Perspective. 

Rating: Teen

Tags: PTSD mention, post-Clone Wars, light whump, sickfic, Togruta biology, hunting for food, headache/migraine, working through illness, caretaking, self-neglect, light angst, fluff, hint of feelings 

Word Count: 5.3K

If you like what I write and can afford to do so, please consider buying me a coffee! It would be much appreciated.

If Ahsoka never sees this miserable, soggy forest planet again, it'll be too soon.

Her growing sources across the Outer Rim have informed her of soldiers in white armor gathering at the edge of the mountains, far beyond the local villages. According to the hearsay, they’re stamped with the insignia of the new Empire, and Ahsoka’s intuition tells her that that can’t be anything but bad news.

She can’t do much on her own, but she has to see if there’s a way to help these clones. She’s still haunted by the day the 501st turned on her, on their own brother. If there’s any chance they can reverse it for more of them, they have to try.

The nightmares she wakes to are filled with Rex pointing his blaster to her head, repeating the same hollowed-out phrase. Good soldiers follow orders. He knows by now when she's had one. Ahsoka is sure he can hear her gasp awake, her arms thrown out to deflect a blast that never comes.

It's almost impossible to fall back asleep after that happens, even after he insists that she's safe. Sometimes the two of them sit through the night til morning together, simply taking comfort in the fact that they're still around to remember. Other nights see them begin to talk about the past, in broken bits and pieces -- any longer and the pain of it would be too much.

Rex has insisted on coming for this recon, too, but there’s no way he can go anywhere near this. They both know it’s risky for him to be seen, no matter how good of a disguise they can manage to scrounge up. That had sparked an argument -- him insisting he wouldn’t be seen at all, so it wouldn’t matter, and Ahsoka pushing back that they couldn’t take the risk. Period.

Ahsoka’s status as a former Padawan might mark her as valuable if she’s caught using the Force. But as far as a good portion of the galaxy knows, she’s just any other disgruntled young Togruta woman. Though if Rex is seen at all, it's game over. She won't let that happen. She knows it frustrates him -- staying with the ship or the camp, and only coming out under the cover of night.

She would rather do things the hard way than not have him around to worry about at all.

Wonder what Skyguy would say right now, she thinks, squinting down at her datapad. It’s an instinctual thought, though that doesn’t stop her stomachs from sinking with sadness. Anakin loved the rain. Scruffy little desert dork. He never seemed to mind getting wet. He’d shake his head like a shaggy bantha and laugh when the water landed all over them -- her and Master Obi-Wan.

Kriff, Master Obi-Wan always looked so mad! It would take everything she had to keep from dissolving into laughter at the look on his face, no matter what kind of situation they were stuck in. And then he'd try and insist that he wasn't angry, only irritated or disappointed. Right.

But it’s just her now. And that’s something she can’t think about, no matter how the feeling of it always lingers there, in the back of her mind.

He’d tell me to quit moping and get on with my mission, she relents, rubbing at a sore montral.

The edges of her cloak are soaked through with rain, as hard as she's tried to keep out of the downpour. The plainclothes she wears in exchange for her long-retired Jedi garb do little to dull the chill of the air, though they cover her from neck to ankle in an effort to disguise her as much as possible.

From her perch in this ancient tree, Ahsoka fights not to shiver, to call on the Force to keep her warm and centered. She has to concentrate on the task at hand. She’s here for a reason, she can’t afford to let her thoughts go fuzzy the way they want to. If only her head didn't ache. It’s cutting into her usual clear concentration, annoying more than anything.

She’s not even sure that the Empire is out here. Gangs have sprung up since the death of the Republic, doubling and even tripling in number with no reasonable law to keep the peace. Maybe that’s all it is, stirred to the point of hysteria with rumors and gossip. At the very least, Ahsoka knows that she’s been sitting stock-still in this tree for hours, watching the supposed meeting place for this group. Not even a stray animal has passed by in that direction.

Kriff it.

It’s getting late, and the suns will set if she stays up here another hour. If they’re operating at night, Ahsoka’s going to come back and watch for it tomorrow, when she has some energy. Right now her stomachs feel like they’re beginning to eat themselves. Her body is sore from sitting so long in one place, and she’s eager to inch down, to stretch and move and hunt.

Casting one last listen around the perimeter, Ahsoka makes sure that she’s alone before opening her comm. It’s a good thing that the tech is waterproof.

“Hey,” she says softly. No name greeting, no code word. This channel connects to Rex and only Rex. If anyone but him were to answer, they’d have to destroy the encryption, starting all over to create a new form of secret comm link.

He picks up almost immediately, the crackling feedback of the comm making her flinch. “Hey. Any luck?”

Ahsoka sighs, watching a little flit-wren sail past her. “Not at all. If they’re here, they’re either working by night, or not in the location the villagers said they would be.”

Rex hmms his own disappointment, hesitating before speaking again. “You coming back, then?”

“Give me a minute. I’m starving.”

And not for crumbly kriffing ration bars. Even the ones that are supposed to be meat-flavored aren’t. The artificial taste coats the roof of her mouth for hours after she eats one, waxy and unappealing. Every time she peels the wrapper, she’s taken back to the mess hall of Anakin’s Star Destroyer, faced with an apologetic serving droid. Rations are low, it would beep out. Rations were often low. She doesn’t give a damn if the things are packed with a day’s worth of essential nutrients. Right now, she’s in a forest, and she’s going to get food.

It’d felt so peculiar that first time, to give into the hunting instincts always bubbling so close to the surface. Slinking low into a prowl, cornering an ash-rabbit on Andelm IV, she’d felt like an idiot. Though every breath it took echoed loud in the hollows of her lekku, its every slamming heartbeat multiplied by the thousands with her ultra-sensitive hearing. The longer she concentrated, the calmer she felt -- like she was meant to do this.

She’d locked her eyes onto the quivering black creature, her bare feet moving in the grass, soundless. This was the way of the Togruta -- to be close to the land. To feel the very pulse of it in the soles of your foot. The ash-rabbit was unaware of her until she was practically on top of it, her body tense before the pounce. Its one startled squeak before going limp between the sharp curve of her canines was its only tell.

And she had felt sorry for them in the beginning, despite it all. Despite all the war and death already sitting on her young shoulders, the first fade of life from their eyes -- from the Force -- still punched her in the gut. As she’d carefully skinned the animal, the words of old Master Eeth Koth came back to her. We cannot control the way we are born, he’d told her once. Only how we choose to carry ourselves. Be proud of who you are, Padawan, both Togruta and Jedi.

She feels much better about what she’s doing after that. For every successful hunt Ahsoka makes afterward, for herself and for Rex, she takes a small moment to thank the animal for giving them the nourishment they need to push forward in their journey through the galaxy. Her confidence soon grows, as well.

Now, though, she’s not sure she’ll be able to make the flawless kill she’s used to.

Ahsoka works her way down from her perch in the tree, wincing as every motion jostles her full-feeling head and montrals. She wants to go faster, to avoid the potential of being seen in a vulnerable position, but there’s no way she can move at normal speed without stumbling over with dizziness. Even if she can’t sense anyone around her, her survival instincts tell her not to waste any time. So the compromise is a nauseating but manageable pace, until there’s ground beneath her feet at last.

Even when she’s level, it takes a second for Ahsoka to stop seeing doubles of the trees and bushes. It’s been hours now since she’s moved more than to ease the ache of sitting in one spot, and the adjustment isn’t kind. She has to close her eyes, taking a few deep breaths in and out, wishing she’d had the foresight to bring bacta to at least numb the headache. Nothing to do about it now. At least when she’s done with this, she tells herself, she can get back to the camp with Rex and settle down for the day.

Concentrate. Listen.

If she wants to get to camp, then she’d better hurry and find something to sink her fangs into. Straightening her back, Ahsoka slowly tilts her head, letting the sounds of the forest reach her lekku. There are tiny mice scurrying under the leaves, hurrying to reach their burrows to get out of the damp. Overhead, the rustle of wings as birds cut through the rain, going back to nests or doing their own hunting. Not much of a meal, even between just the two of them.

But wait -- there. The tentative step of hooves over damp soil is a giveaway. As Ahsoka zeroes in on the sound, she can see the outline of a squat, dull green body making its way through the trees. As she holds her breath, three more emerge, moving in a pack. They’re several yards away, with their short snouts pressed to the ground as they graze.

Bingo.

Ahsoka drops her supplies at the base of the tree, moving in a low crouch toward the family of creatures. In this instance, she’s glad for the ongoing drizzle; it’ll mute her scent, and the lack of breeze is a bonus, too. She moves from tree to tree, her feet never making a sound. Ahsoka keeps her eyes on the creatures the whole time, excited at the prospect of bringing one back. They’re about as tall as her knee, stocky with short knobbly legs. Her mouth is watering at the idea of living off of real meat for a whole week, maybe even two --

A twig snaps beneath her foot, and the entire group looks up in alarm. Ahsoka freezes, becoming a statue. She can feel her pulse pounding in her head, a dull blow every time, as she tries to keep still. Blend in. Blend in. In her plain garments, she shouldn’t stand out to them. No doubt they have less-than-ideal eyesight, only alerted to motion and scent. Sound. So if she’s stock-still and quiet –

Her nose itches. Ahsoka ignores it, keeping her gaze focused on the herd. One by one, they lower their heads, turning their attention back to the ground. Good. She’ll take the smaller one then, the adolescent still sticking close to its parents. It’ll have a false sense of confidence once she closes in for the kill, something that will quickly fade one her fangs sink into its throat. Ahsoka will be sure to make it painless.

Sinking into a crouch, she eases forward, squinting a little. The hunger tearing at her stomach is impossible to ignore now, she needs to make this kill. But the itch in her nose is growing, too, frustrating beyond belief, making her eyes water. To Ahsoka’s immense annoyance, she’s going to sneeze, forced to stifle the harsh sound into the back of her palm. The gasping buildup is followed by an abrupt squeak, no louder than a mouse. Her cheeks flame with embarrassment, though only the grazing creatures are around to hear.

Her attempt at silence still isn’t quiet enough. They’ve heard her, spooked again, still anxious from her first slip-up and not content to stay in one place any longer.

Beyond angry at herself, Ahsoka decides to lunge in at the herd. Kriff this. She’s desperate, she feels like shit, she wants something to show for all the effort she’s gone through today. They scatter in all directions, lowing out their aggravated calls. Quicker than lightning, even off-balance and miserable, Ahsoka snares the smallest by its back leg. It shrieks in protest, writhing, knocking her to the ground.

The unexpected blow sends pain up her shoulder and side like a flash of light. With a strangled curse, Ahsoka grapples for its thick throat, tearing through flesh until she can feel – and sense – its life Force ebbing away. Breathing heavily, she gets to her feet, aware that she’s made a complete mess of herself. Sloppy, Anakin might’ve chastised. C’mon, Snips. You know better.

“Be quiet,” she mutters to no one, lifting the creature to carry back to camp. Now isn’t the time to be talking to ghosts.

—------

Rex blinks at her when she returns, doing a double take to hide his surprise at the state she’s in. Ahsoka knows she’s dirty, and must look as exhausted as she feels. Half of her outfit is covered in mud. Her lekku are still swollen and aching, hanging full and thick at the sides of her head, aggravating her migraine. It’s all she can do to trudge into their little camp and deposit her conquest at the fire, thankful that at least it’s stopped raining.

“Well,” he says finally. “That was more than a minute.” Then Rex is on his feet, still looking so strange in his ordinary clothes, inspecting what she’s brought back. “Impressive kill. Feed us for quite a while, I expect. How about I start on this while you get changed?”

This is what she values about Rex. He’s about as practical as they come, and not about to tease her when she’s already down. Since her day has already been long and disappointing, there’s nothing she wants more than to struggle out of her wet clothes and into something dry and clean. The fire looks welcoming, stoked with care at Rex’s hand. She knows that by the time she’s done changing it won’t be long before he’ll have enough of the creature ready for them to share.

“Sounds great,” she says through a thick sniffle, trying to pass it off with a smile. “Thanks.”

“Sure.”

His response is casual enough, but Ahsoka can feel his eyes on her as she ducks into their little passenger ship. Suspicious. After knowing one another for so long, it’s hard to keep secrets. Surely he knows that she feels awful.

Closing the ship’s hatch behind her, Ahsoka sighs in the privacy of the ship, shedding her soaked garments. She redresses into some of Rex’s old blacks, comforted by the familiar material on her skin. There’s enough water left in the reservoir to splash her face clean and to rinse her arms, and she looks at her face in the small fresher mirror with a grimace. There are circles like bruises under her eyes. She looks like she’s taken a punch – and lost about three days of sleep. No wonder Rex is worried.

“Ugh…” she groans, leaning down to the med cabinet.

With any luck, some bacta smeared on her forehead and montrals will help to numb this god-awful headache. But to her disappointment, there’s only one tube left. A small, paranoid part of her doesn’t want to waste bacta on something like a headache when she doesn’t know when they’re picking up supplies again. Images of Rex injured flash in her mind, his blood slipping beneath her fingers – all because she’d wasted the bacta.

Biting her lip, she slides the drawer shut again. She can manage.

As she'd predicted, Rex is spearing portions of the animal over the fire to roast by the time she returns, and the smell is mouth-watering. He hands her the first one finished, and she sinks her teeth into it gratefully, groaning as another sharp hunger pain lances her through. Ahsoka doesn’t even care that she’s burning her mouth; it’s so good she was so hungry oh my goooooood.

Rex is watching her with an expression stuck somewhere between amusement and concern as she finishes in messy bites and gulps, tearing strips of meat from the skewer and licking her fingers clean.

“Was that…good?” he asks, suppressing a smile.

“Mmfyeah,” says Ahsoka, wiping her face on the back of her sleeve. A little voice in the back of her mind that sounds suspiciously like Obi-Wan admonishes her for eating in such an uncivilized way, but she tries to ignore it. "Starving."

"Pushing yourself too hard," Rex comments. He keeps his tone light.

Ahsoka does her best not to pout. Because according to everyone she's ever spent an extended amount of time with, she does pout. It's not as if she has a choice, does she? Neither of them do. All there's left to do is push, and push, struggling through day after day. Even when she was a Padawan, during the war. At least then, she knew there was a whole legion of Jedi out there that would protect her. The clones, too, taking her under their arms. Her ori’vode.

Now all they have is each other. They can't afford to relax.

"You look awful," he continues, digging in with flat honesty. "Don't tell me you don't feel awful, Commander."

At least he'd delivered the truth with her old title, now only a nickname. Ahsoka frowns, still refusing to answer. Stubborn. Caught somewhere between confessing just how right he is – she wants to lie down and cry – and holding her ground, to prove him wrong. Because some part of her always has to be the brave one. The Padawan who endures everything. Anakin's protege, soaring past all the others. To excel you need to have ambition along with talent and luck. And some part of her doesn't know when to give up.

"Fine," she says at last, the word hardly distinguishable through her stuffy nose. It seems to echo through her lekku, her whole head feeling stuffed. She drops her face to her hands, deflating. "I feel awful, okay? Is that what you wanted?"

Rex's face changes at once, his brows furrowing in soft concern.

"What –? No, of course I – 'course I don't want that."

He gets up from his seat on the fire, careful not to overturn the empty storage crate he'd been perched upon. Rex crouches beside her, narrowing his eyes, placing his outstretched hand to her montrals. Ahsoka winces at the touch, shutting her eyes even though he's being very, very gentle. His fingers feel nice on her skin after a moment, cool.

"Hey," Rex prompts quietly. "You feel so bad, why didn't you use some of the bacta?"

She heaves a sigh, chewing at her lip now. "S'the last tube and I didn't want – you know."

He nods. "I get it."

Relief blooms in her chest. That irrational fear refuses to leave, the sight of him hurt with no way for her to help. Ahsoka curses herself for never learning how to Force heal much more than a scraped knee, knowing she'd be no help if his life was in danger anyway. Too panicked. Too afraid. She really would've been a lousy Jedi.

"Doesn't mean I'm gonna let you be miserable, though."

"What?" She sniffs.

"Sit tight," Rex says, getting to his feet. "Don't eat all our rations while I'm gone," he adds with a teasing grin. "Gonna find you something to help."

"You can't!"

Ahsoka shoots to her feet in protest, immediately seeing double and then triple of their camp around her. Rex lurches forward to steady her, his hands supporting her shoulder and side, always there when she needs. She curses this weakness, this temporary need for his extra support. Why can't she just go back to being healthy? Why did her body decide to slow her down? She's so frustrated.

"You can't," she repeats, gingerly settling back on her own crate. "If someone recognizes you, Rex, you know we're done."

"Then no one will," he says simply.

As if it’s that easy. Knowing she can’t change his mind, all Ahsoka can do is sit there and watch him go. She couldn’t stop him if she tried, couldn’t win if it turned into a fight. Not in the shape she’s in. Long after Rex disappears from sight, she reaches for him in the Force, clinging to that familiar mind, until that too is out of reach.

For a long while, she sits and watches the fire burning itself out. She, too, feels as if she’s purposefully exhausting herself by sitting upright, waiting for Rex to return. It would be better for her to lock herself inside the ship, safer. Still she can’t seem to peel herself away until the fire is nothing but embers, her headache pounding dully in every part of her skull.

Trembling and exhausted, Ahsoka trudges to her feet. It takes her no time at all to fall asleep once she hits her cot, surrendering to a dreamless and heavy slumber.

—---------

When she comes to, Ahsoka instantly knows that something is wrong. The tiny window above her area in the ship is filled with sunlight, instead of shaded with the colors of early dawn.

Oh my god. Rex never came back.

Ahsoka stumbles to her feet, still weighed down by her sinuses. If Rex had come back, she would’ve heard him open the hatch of the ship, felt his footsteps echoing across the durasteel. Instead she’s spent hours here undisturbed, and that can’t be a good sign. She’s truly alone without him now. Cold dread starts in her chest, filling her heart like drowning waves, until –

Until she senses Rex outside, very much alive and well. Lowering the ship’s hatch with a curse, Ahsoka hurries to join him – and finds an odd sight. From the rucksack he carries with them on occasions where they have to travel afoot, Rex is pulling out handful after handful of long, dark green leaves, setting them in a pot of water over the rekindled fire.

“What the kriff are you doing?” Ahsoka says, testy.

Of course, she doesn’t manage to sound intimidating at all. Her voice doesn’t even sound like her own at this point. Rex straightens, setting his bag on the ground, and gives her what she knows is a pitying smile. Ahsoka loathes pity. Even standing here sicker than she even wants to acknowledge, she detests it.

“No bacta in the village,” Rex says by way of answer, poking the leaves further down into the water with a fork. “Least not that we could afford. Found these instead.”

Defeated, Ahsoka sinks onto a crate to watch him poke at…whatever it is he’s brought back. Her relief that Rex is even here to argue with outweighs her need to give him the third degree. Besides, she doesn’t think she has the energy to. All that matters is that he’d come back, like he’d promised, safe.

“And what are they?” she croaks.

Rex settles to sit across from her. “Natives called it pommwomm,” he says with a shrug. “Apparently the Togruta and Twi’lek travelers that pass through use it for a lot of ailments, and taught them how to use it, too.”

“Oh.”

She feels so tired and achy. It’s hard to concentrate on watching him stir the leaves in their little boiling pot; Ahsoka’s eyes keep slipping closed. She lets them, resting her chin in her palm, instead using the Force to pay attention to their surroundings. Stars, when was the last time she was this sick? She can’t remember. There wasn’t time for this in the midst of a war. Maybe, she thinks, this is her body’s way of catching up. Repaying her for all those years of never resting.

“‘Soka?”

Rex’s inquiry makes her blink back into awareness. It had been strange, at first, for him to call her anything but Commander. Now, though, she enjoys hearing her name in his voice.

“Got ‘em ready for you.”

There’s a faint menthol scent coming from the water between them. Later when Ahsoka tells Rex she can barely smell the stuff, he barks out a laugh – she must really be sick, he muses, because even he knows the smell is strong.

Fishing out a clump of boiled leaves, Rex offers it to her with an apologetic expression. “Here.”

She wrinkles her nose. “What do you want me to do?”

The faintest smile crosses his face. Amusement flickers in his life Force, as if he’s expecting her to have a negative – and entertaining – reaction. “Well, you’ve gotta – you chew ‘em. Then you spread the stuff on your lekku. Helps with colds?”

Oh. My. Stars. That’s disgusting.

“Reeeeex,” she whines. “That’s kriffing nastyyyyy.”

He clamps a hand to his mouth, but she can see his shoulders shaking with laughter. “I know,” he answers after a few moments trying to get a grip on himself. “Yeah s’not – ideal. But the people I talked to said it works great, and you – well. Ahsoka, you don’t look good. You really don’t.”

Ahsoka scowls, staring at the bowl of clumpy leaves as it cools down beside her. She knows she’s being a youngling about all this, but chewing weird plants and smearing the paste all over her head-tails is the last thing she wants to do. But if it’s the only choice she has, then so be it. Fishing one leaf out between two trembling fingers, she opens her mouth and begins to chew.

The consistency is terrible. Soft and soggy, making her hurry to shove down her gag reflex. But…the taste isn’t so bad. Sweet and minty on her tongue, spreading quickly up to her sinuses and into the hollows of her lekku. With only slight reluctance, Ahsoka fishes another leaf out, not looking forward to spitting it into a paste in front of Rex.

Conveniently, though, he seems to find himself distracted by a loose panel on the exterior of their ship. She smiles, watching him crouch down to get to work on it.

The leaf-paste is thick and sticky as she spreads it over her swollen lekku, though the sensation isn’t as unpleasant as she’d imagined. Mostly there’s relief as the cooling effects of the plant get to work on her fragile skin, and Ahsoka finds herself sighing at the welcome change. She can feel her airways clearing, the headache beginning to ebb. She’s so grateful to not be completely alone in the galaxy. To have Rex watching her back in times like this. (Or not watching her at all, in this case, giving her a little privacy for this less-than-normal course of treatment.)

Of course, that means that all the congestion is only going to drain out of her, making her sniffly again. Even by the time she’s chewed and pasted her way through the leaves, feeling ridiculous, her sinuses are unstuffing themselves.

Ahsoka squints down to catch a glimpse of her reflection in her wrist comm – yep. She looks as awful as Rex had implied. The leaf paste has stained the white stripes of her lekku a dark purple, and the shadows under her eyes refuse to budge. With her headdress left inside the ship in her hurry to see where Rex had gone, she feels strangely naked, atop it all. Usually no one sees her without it, and yet she hasn’t even thought about Rex seeing her this way until this moment.

He’s still tinkering away at the panel, leaning it against the side of the ship and inspecting a small bend in the durasteel. The last thing they need is another one flying off during a hyperspace jump. Normally Ahsoka would do it herself, but even with the pommwomm paste soothing her head, she doesn’t trust herself to work without seeing double.

But she has to get up. There’s still surveillance to be done on the suspicious area of this planet. Ahsoka knows neither of them will be content until there’s not a shadow of a doubt that there’s no Empire activity going on. A few more days of watching ought to rule out the possibility. There’s no way she can sit around moping here. Whatever’s wrong with her will pass.

“How’s it goin’ over – heyyy where d’you think you’re going?” Rex stops mid-question, almost dropping his magnaspanner in surprise. Ahsoka only gives him an innocent look, righting the wobble in her step. “Don’t even think about going back to the surveillance point today. Nope. Sorry, you’re staying put.”

Damn. He knows her too well, doesn’t he?

“Rex, you know we can’t just sit here.”

She swipes at her nose, irritated even further with the growing itch. In answer to her stubbornness, Rex stops what he’s doing and crosses his arms, prepared to be a barrier if he has to. Ahsoka narrows her eyes, rooting herself in place. She doesn’t want this to become a physical spat, but –

Her scattered thoughts of ways to disarm him vanish as she sneezes quickly into one elbow. Another embarrassingly squeaky sound, a tight breath of air, leaving her flushed dark with a blush.

“Jate jahaal,” Rex mutters, one eyebrow raised. As if he’s proving a point.

“I’m fine.”

“You won’t be if you keep pushing.” Rex sighs, his life Force filled with concern. “Think of it this way, then. Would you let me do it, if it were me? Would you want me out there?”

Ahsoka bites her lip. “Well…no.”

In fact, she’d be livid at the thought of him risking his health like that, on top of all the other risks they already have to take. She’d be worried and restless waiting for him here alone, and – oh.

Guilt lances at her heart. Has she really strayed so far from the Code? Has she forgotten that in order to care for others, she has to first care for herself? Ashamed, Ahsoka stares at her boots, wishing she’d realized what a mess she was making of things sooner.

“Come and sit back down,” Rex says softly, voice light with persuasion. “Rest. Let me fix you something.”

She hesitates for a long moment. Would it be so bad to spend the day here with him, doing nothing but napping in the planet’s sun? Something in her melts; that sounds divine. That simple joy would be a pleasure she hasn’t allowed herself in so, so long, maybe ever. Just…rest. Here with a friend, enjoying each other’s company. Maybe they could spend time talking about the good old days, when there was time between the fighting. The jokes and the laughter spread between the sorrow and pain.

“Okay,” whispers Ahsoka, and it makes him smile.

Something tugs on her heart to see it, and in that instance, she has another realization. But for now, it’s something that she’ll keep to herself, a little thing to ponder in the quiet of her mind for weeks and even months to come. For now, it’s enough to be together, to have the soft morning light.  For Ahsoka to complain about looking so silly with the stupid pommwomm paste, and Rex agreeing with a light chuckle. For him to get the softest blanket out from the confines of their ship, and for her to fall asleep propped up against his shoulder.

They have one another. Through this. Through everything.

---------------

Mandoa translations:

ori'vode -- big brothers, older brothers, special friends

jate -- good jahaal --health (together like a "bless you", but I made that up tbh)

[tswaney17]

so I maybe found IDBTWY (i hope i put the letters in the right order my brain is so slow HAHAHAHA) on ao3 and binged all of it (+ the prequels) last night and WOW😩🥵🤩🥰!! It was beyond amazing! You are an incredible writer and the whole story was so engaging and well balanced (the angst:fluff ratio 😤👌🥵) and I COULD NOT STOP READING PLEASE IT WAS SO GOOD??? This should not be allowed I am not okay and how dare you release something THIS GOOD😩🥰!!!! You are SO TALENTED I love this story sm please I can’t believe you’re letting us read this for free TYSM☺️💛. Something about Elriel AUs just hits different and this one >>>>?? NEXT LEVEL! I loved it so much please I just wanna reread immediately but I will wait until I have enough time to reread here and give you the praise and appreciation and hype that you deserve because this story is INCREDIBLE. Truly. I AM OFFICIALLY A (n even bigger) TSWANEY17 STAN😌😌💛💛!! Because I remember you def also wrote Across the Hallway which is ✨burned into my head✨ because I’ve read it so many times I’m not even sorry😌😌😌. Definitely my comfort story too, everything about it is so warm🥰🥰 (except for that very smutty chapter😈)!!! As you can tell I’m definitely not the writer here🤣. But I hope I managed to convey at least a little bit of my gratitude and appreciation for you and your writing🥰🥰. You’re amazing and I think IDBTWY has dethroned and replaced Across the Hallway as my fav Elriel fic because I am HOOKED😌😩😭!! TYSM for writing it and I’m so glad I found it💛💛💛

P.S. No pressure at all, but I was just wondering if you had a schedule for updates? Just so I remember when to pop back but all good if not🥰)

P.P.S. I was already convinced the story was CHEFS KISS TOP NOTCH but then you made Cassian and Elain sing Exile🥺🥺. A Taylor Swift stan and your name is Taylor too I am crying!!🥰🥰🥰🥰

Oh my god...

This is... I just... 🥺🥺🥺

I have no words for how incredibly wonderful it felt to read this. I'm totally not going to be able to express myself well enough for you to understand how much my heart swelled to get this.

LITERAL TEARS IN MY EYES!!! 😭😭

I feel like I say this all the time, but I never expected to get the kind of reaction I have over this fic. Here I was, just a random newbie to the writing world (at least for public consumption), and to get the amount of amazing and responsive feedback I've gotten has just been astronomical to me. You are the reason I push myself to continue and improve my writing. I seriously cannot say thank you enough, but truly, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Across the Hallway was my first baby. It was this random idea that I just needed to get out and when I look back on it (knowing that it needs A TON of edits), I can't help but smile at how far I've come. IDBTWY has been an absolute joy to write (yes, even when everyone yells at me to just make them kiss and to stop hurting them 😈).

I can't say I blame you for letting IDBTWY dethrone ATH, because, in my heart, it has too. I don't usually give myself kudos or talk about things I've done that make me proud, but this fic is one of the proudest things I've ever accomplished (-ish, since it's not done yet).

As for a schedule, I tend to post every other week - but I'm not always successful. Life gets busy, ya-know? For notifications, you can always subscribe to my fic blog (I only reblog snippets and actual fics, nothing else so it's not obnoxious), @tswaney17fics. Or you can subscribe to my ao3 account as well. Those will probably be the best options for keeping up with my posts.

I am a HUGE TSwift fan! I had the idea of Elain and Cash singing Exile together for months before that part came out. It just hit me as Elriel, especially in this fic. But more ironically, my last name also begins with "Sw", so we're almost the same person… 😬 (A girl can dream right??)

Anyways, this answer has become ridiculously long, so to summarize, THANK YOU x1000000000000000000! It truly meant everything to read this. 💙💚💜