#I ACTUALLY THOUGHT THIS WAS A DOG BARKING SOUND EFFECT

[biveandpilbykisser]

UR VOCAL STIMS ARE SO GOOD O EM GEE I LITERALLY THOUGHT THAT WAS AN ACTUALLY DOG BARKING THEY'RE LITERALLY THE BEST UR SOUND EXACTLY LIKE REAL DOG O EM GEEE!!! I'M. NOT JS SAYING THIS BECAUSE UR MY MOOT UR JS THAT GOOD /GEN /SRS I'M BEING AS SERIOUS AS MY TINY HEART CAN BE.

some (canine) vocals recorded maybe... a couple of weeks ago? just wanted to put em here

[nightwngz]

Older bat! Damian with super or wonder reader who's like sheltered and oblivious to the real world and they go on a mission or smith together and the whole times she's just doing whatever he says because that's what she's used to and he's just like damnn and finds that really attractive

— 𝐆𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 ! ☆

older!damian wayne x fem!reader

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀… drabble smut. porn with a plot. dirty talk. fingering. Damian uses Arabic nicknames.

𝗰𝗼𝗽𝘆𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁. . . no copying of my work is allowed. Free translation is allowed as long as I am credited.

𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲. . . as I said in my other posts, English is not my first language. I have tried to make corrections with the translator, but as you all know, it is prone to making mistakes, so I apologize in advance for any mistakes or if anything sounds weird.

𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲… I don't know how I feel about myself today, but I decided to write this for you anyway. I hope you like it. <3

It was one of the first times you, a young girl exiled from the real world and born on an island paradise inhabited only by women, had contact with what was considered 'the real world.' You were not yet accustomed to many things, especially the existence of men, or perhaps men like Damian Wayne.

On Themyscira, you were used to following orders. When the Queen or your trainer told you to "do this," you knew exactly what to do. But when you joined the Justice League and met Batman, you initially believed you were supposed to act the same way. You soon realized that maybe you should have listened when Jon told you to ignore him completely.

At that moment, Damian Wayne, now known as Batman, was the last person you wanted to be trapped with in a situation like this. The two of you were locked in a reinforced room with no way out, where neither your strength nor your wits could help you get out. So you found yourself trapped with the one man who liked to bark orders like he was the king of Gotham.

— You really don't know what to do? — He asked, annoying you again. — Before, Wonder Women were effective.

However, you tried to heed Jon's advice; thus, you responded to him without intending to participate in his game.

— Yes, and in my land, men didn't even exist. So I'm just getting used to working with the inefficiency of one.

Damian slowly approached the box you were sitting in with an annoying grin on his face.

— In fact, I am a detective. Of course I know how to get out of here.

Your confused expression made him smile even harder at your confusion. You weren't sure if it was fair to feel like a complete idiot, but that was exactly how you felt at that moment. Besides, you didn't like him at all.

— And you never thought to open the door, or are you just trying to annoy me by making me live with you?

— Actually... — He replied, moving even closer to you. — I'm testing you. Go and open the door as best you can — He finally ordered.

And as if it were a sacred word, you stood up, determined to open the door to the room at any cost. At first, you tried to break it down with blows, but your strength wasn't enough. It was probably made of some incredibly strong material, possibly of alien origin.

— Try pulling the doorknob with your lasso — he suggested, and once again, you listened.

Damian couldn't help but find the way you obeyed like a trained dog incredibly attractive. Deep down, he felt that he had you at his mercy and that no matter what he asked you to do, you would listen.

Totally exhausted from the effort, you knelt on the ground, but you didn't give up. Feeling sorry for you, he reached over to stroke your hair, trying to calm you down.

— Pretty obedient little thing. — He flattered, lifting your chin so you could look him in the eye. — You don't know how to say no, do you?

A wave of intense heat enveloped you. Perhaps it was the first time you had ever found yourself in an intimate situation with someone, as you had always believed that your body was trained solely for an impending war. Yet, when Damian was around, that was the one purpose of your training you occasionally forgot.

— If I asked you to take off your underwear, would you be so obedient, habibati?

Your cheeks reddened immediately. You knew you should avoid this kind of situation, but having been trained on the island, you understood that you had to follow the orders of a superior. Batman was more experienced than you, making him your superior, and you felt obligated to obey him.

Immediately your panties fell down under the metal skirt of your suit, exposing your pussy to the man in the room.

From what you knew about men, you noticed they often looked for specific qualities in women. However, Damian had never shown any boldness towards you. As time passed, the 'sexual tension' that Jon had mentioned began to feel more like an annoyance.

When he saw that you were listening to him, he smiled as usual. But his smile was not one of despair; it was one of desire.

He knelt down to be at the same height as you. Gently, he slid a finger down your soaked pussy while keeping his eyes on yours, watching for any reaction on your face.

You understood what he was doing and how he was touching every part of the anatomy between your legs with precision. What you didn't understand was how he was so skilled at it.

You couldn't hold back your moans as you felt him gently pinch your now throbbing clit. His touch drove you crazy as you felt waves of pleasure crash against you.

— Damn, what a good girl. Sorry to tell you, Habibati... I have a weakness for obedient women.

[imtrashraccoon]

Hmm... golden boys 💪

So, with Dream Sans, perhaps a reader who has snuck in a small puppy and is currently giving it a bath-

The only reason how Dream found the two is the strangely Reader-shaped footprints of mud tracked along the floor and into the bathroom... and the squeaky barking.

(For added effect, Reader is a muddy MESS from wrestling the puppy to stay in the bath 🤭)

I thought because you originally sent a similar ask for Lord Nightmare, I would do this in a similar style? So, enjoy a special Don't Imagine, just for you my friend...

Don't Imagine finding a small lost puppy behind the barn covered in mud. How it's big sad eyes instantly melt your heart and how you can't possibly leave it there. How you look around to see if anyone is watching but thankfully find no one.

Don't Imagine scooping the poor thing up into your arms when you realize it really is by itself. How you don't even care that now you're all muddy too. How it whimpers and whines, trying to break free from your grasp. How you wonder if it's had bad experiences with people to be this afraid of you.

Don't Imagine tucking the pup into your coat and slipping back to the cottage. How you open the door a crack and listen intently before stepping inside, just in case your master returned early. How you heave a sigh of relief when it seems that he's still out.

Don't Imagine heading straight for the bathroom. How you draw a warm bath and search the cabinets for a soap that would be safe for the puppy's fur. How you are forced to give up when its squirming proves to be too much to handle. How you nearly have to wrestle it into the tub.

Don't Imagine the poor pup absolutely wailing as you attempt to scrub the mud out of it's fur. How it struggles to get away but you manage to pull it back into the tub every time it gets remotely close to escaping. How you realize this would actually be sort of funny if you weren't in a bit of a rush to finish.

Don't Imagine nearly jumping out of your skin at the sound of a soft knock on the door that you had carelessly left ajar. How you can feel the affects of his presence and how you know that you've been caught. How your mind scrambles to think of any reasonable excuse but comes up short. How you know he would see through any lie you could make anyways.

Don't Imagine how Dream waits for you to turn around. How your heart sinks when he meets your gaze with an unreadable look. How you quickly look away and suddenly realize how big of a mess you've made. How you apologize profusely and promise to clean up the muddy footprints and the bathroom. How you wish he'd say something, anything, and not just stare at you like that.

Don't Imagine how he sighs and reassures you that he's not upset. How you tentatively look up, not fully believing him. How his expression takes on a pained look for a moment before he quickly hides it behind his usual smile. How he reiterates that you've done nothing wrong and how he actually praises you for helping the puppy.

Don't Imagine how he chuckles and kneels next to you. Definitely don't imagine how he carefully wipes some mud from your cheek. How he quietly compliments your kindness. How his touch lingers a moment longer than it probably should.

Don't Imagine how all the uncertainty seems to disappear. How your vision narrows until all you can focus on is his face. How you wonder why you were ever worried about him finding out in the first place. How he comments that the sanctuary could use a good guard dog and suggests that he doesn't mind if you want to keep the puppy. How quick you are to thank him, promising to take good care of it.

[horrormurderkill]

Love at its finest

Warnings: Blood, description of a nasty animal death, self-harm (reader does not indulge!), the fic talks about killing a living being, and possibly more.

Crimson red blood and annoyingly wet dirt coats the entirety of its body, the smushed colors a vast contrast to the ones around. Holding its tiny head, you gaze at it in distaste, hands trembling at the thought of snapping the short neck. That was the sick rule in which, people should still remember it, even though it was assumed to be over.

It all started with many townspeople's concern that possibly, an incubus or succubus like demons were roaming the lands, the intense sexual libido making all living beings go mad. Speculations of a powerful demon cursing the town, for some reason. Gradually, it is said that some animals were birthing actual demon and animal hybrids. The shock even reached the town mayor, a church leader, who demanded everyone to behead or snap its neck and burn the sinful creature. But this is a tale from centuries ago. Younger children thought it was fake, thought it was a tale made from old people, for the purpose of them attending to their plants and animals correctly.

Nevertheless, the being in your nimble hands were enough proof. Your hands let go of the hybrid, onto the ground, as tears started to uncontrollably flow from your eyes. After all, you are only a child. Experiencing your beloved pet dog act strangely for a long time, then after chasing your dog into the woods only to find her tearing her own flesh as the hybrid inside completely messed with your dog's mind. You are allowed to cry after such experience, you're an innocent child, after all.

You wipe your tears away, pulling out a large napkin and rolling the creature like a burrito with it, you put it back into your backpack. It's the last remaining and breathing thing from your loving dog, at least. Pulling yourself on your feet, you hurriedly speed-walk out the forest to your home.

Aunt Laurine is going to be worried for you.

----

A loud bang from the farmhouse makes you jump from your seat. The sound of barking followed after, as you look up the window where the loud noises are coming from. Soon after, a head pops out from the window, your companion. His sharp teeth holds a rat in between, yet his excitement in his eyes and smile is what drives your attention away from the unpleasant sight. Domino, he's the only reason you still stay in the town, albeit slightly farther away from others. If it weren't for his unwanted birth 20 years ago, you would've left the town already. Though, you were scared of him growing up, you learned to adapt to his attitude and actions.

"[Name]! When are you unlocking the doors?! If you don't unlock it right now, I promise you I'll jump out from this window!" He yelled, making you sigh from exhaustion as you unlock the door. As soon as you open it, he hops into your arms, giggling happily your arms are strong enough to hold him. "Alright, let's head back." You pat his back, signaling him to get off of you, but of course, he didn't budge. Instead, his long tail wrapped around one of your thigh. It's evident he is asking you to be in bed with you, but you knew better.

His attitude had the fragments from all of the infamous 7 deadly sins, it keeps on switching and changing, like a domino effect. Right now is Lust. You make Domino get in a comfortable position on your entire torso, as you walk back to the house to rest. Adventure to the entrance was surprisingly not a big deal. Usually, he would whine and complain but he uttered nothing the whole walk. It made you quite suspicious, though.

Walking in his room, you dropped him off on his bed, yet his tail didn't unwrap around your thigh. As it was your last choice, you lean in, "If you let me go, I'll give you a goodnight kiss." He looked back at you and he replies, "And a French kiss." A demand. Damn it. Now you regret ever teaching him what a French kiss is just because he asked what it was after he saw it from a movie.

Never mind that. At least, both of you are hopefully safe in this lifetime, then it doesn't matter if you gave your first kiss and virginity to this demon.

-----

This piece of idea is inspired by a book called "Incubus" by Ann Arensberg

[lulublack90]

Prompt 9 - Owl

@wolfstarmicrofic September 9, word count 503

Previous part First Wolfstar part

“You absolute twat!” Regulus yelled at him when he sauntered back into the camp. Regulus fired off a slew of hexes at him, but Sirius lazily batted them away. 

“Good afternoon to you as well, my darling brother. Yes, the transformation was fine. There was a slight issue during the night, but that has now been rectified and shouldn’t happen again. How was your night?” He said pleasantly. Regulus lowered his wand and sighed heavily. 

“Sorry, Remus told me what happened. Are you alright?” 

“Yes, as is the muggle, I think. Actually, we should probably track him down and wipe his memory.” He said, turning to Remus. 

“Marcus is already on it,” Remus told him, a stern look on his face. Sirius ducked his head, he was in so much trouble. 

“Sorry, Moony,” He apologised. 

“I told you not to do anything stupid, and you barrelled right into a stupid idea, didn’t you?! Sirius, anything could have happened.” Remus’s face softened.

“I know and I’m sorry. I was reckless and stupid, but I did get some rather vital information from Father,” He dangled the titbit in front of them, hoping to be forgiven. 

“We also have some information to share,” Regulus added. They walked into the forest. They set their usual privacy charms and started to swap information. 

“What the actual?! Mother said I was the heir, the entire family has been calling me the heir!” Regulus was not happy about the first thing Sirius decided to share. 

“Don’t worry Reggie, you’ll always be a little Lord in my eyes.” He had to dodge a few more hexes before James tugged Regulus closer and placated the spitting firecracker. “But anyway, I also asked him if any of the death eaters had been walking a bit taller, looking a bit too pleased and wouldn’t you know it there does happen to be one little death eater who has had a shit-eating grin on his face since Lestrange Castle was mysteriously attacked,” He paused for dramatic effect and then continued. “Actually Reggie, you know him. Your best friend from Hogwarts, Bartemius Crouch Junior,” He grinned when he saw Regulus’s jaw drop. “Looks like you're about to have a little reunion. I’d say send him an owl and set up a meeting, but you’re meant to be dead, so breaking and entering it will have to be,” Regulus did not like the sound of that either. 

“Well,” James said, breaking the silence. “We think we might have discovered where the diadem is,” Sirius’s face lost all joviality and became serious. 

“Where?” 

“The come-and-go room in Hogwarts,” James told them. “We tried to have a look for it, but the room it could be in is huge and full of floor-to-ceiling junk, it would have taken us forever to go through it, so we thought we’d come back and pick up our own sniffer dog,” Sirius’s face spilt into an ear to ear grin and he transformed into Padfoot, barking happily. He was going back to Hogwarts. 

Next part

[simplepotatofarmer]

counting dogs

my piece for the 'first try techno challenge'! i actually got dream and decided to roll again and combine the next roll which was the hound army! anyway, written with two minutes to spare <3 <3

“There’s no way you know all their names,” said Dream. Despite the heavy armor and his wide-legged, firm stance, the mass of dogs was still pushing him around and he struggled to stand in one place. “I mean, there’s like—”

He paused, clearly attempting to count.

Techno let him, mouth pulled into a grin, one eyebrow shooting up as far as it could go. When the silence stretched on, Techno gave him a little nudge, metaphorically.

“There’s…”

Dream twitched, turning his head towards Techno.

“There’s like, forty of them,” he said. “No way you know all their names, Technoblade.”

“I mean, there’s actually about 180 but who’s countin’. Who’s countin’…” He reached down and scratched one of the dog’s ears as it wagged its tail so excitedly that its whole body went with the tail. “Well, you were but let’s just forget about that.”

“Oh my god…”

Dream’s ears – the only part visible beneath the mask and the hood – turned bright red. It was probably rude to laugh but Techno did anyway, the dogs barking at the sound, working themselves up. Reaching out, Dream caught himself on the wall as one particularly eager dog bowled into him.

“Hey, Em, easy girl,” said Techno, making his way over. The dogs parted for him easily, tails going a mile a minute, accompanied by quiet barks and whines. “See? Nothin’ to it, Dream.”

“Yeah, well, that’s because they’re yours so they listen to you.”

“That is usually how it works, yup.”

“You’re so annoying.” Dream steadied himself. “But there’s seriously no way you’ve named all the dogs.”

Techno held his hands up, chuckling.

“Okay, you got me there, Dream. I haven’t got around to namin’ them all.”

“So you don’t know all their names,” said Dream, tone of voice triumphant, pointing a finger at Techno. “Which means I was right.”

Lightly, Techno smacked his hand away and one of the dogs took the action as an invitation to play, jumping up on Dream eagerly, licking at the mask. Techno was expecting a harsh reaction, had tensed in preparation for it, but Dream only made a noise of vague disgust and pushed the dog away.

“Ah ah ah. I know all the names of the dogs that have names.” Techno knelt, ruffling the fur of the closest dog. “So technically I know all of the dogs’ names.”

“What? No! That’s not—” Dream sputtered, trying to find a way to argue, wanting to argue, and coming up short. “Whatever.”

“So, you admit that you’re wrong.”

He was wrong but Dream would never admit to it.

“Shut up, Techno.”

“That’s what I thought,” he said, patting the dog on the head as he got to his feet.

Dream watched him, head tilted to the side. With the mask, the effect was strange, almost childlike.

“You should let me name a dog.”

“You wanna name a dog?”

It wasn’t an immediate refusal, more like an offer, and Dream straightened.

“Yeah.” A short pause. “Name it… Name it ‘Dream Has a House’.”

Techno laughed, loud and booming, and set the dogs off again. A mass of dog flesh writhed in the small space and Techno reached out, trying to pat each one as best he could.

“Easy, Dice. Easy, Fossilnet. Easy, Max.” After a moment, the barking and whining died down. “Alright, alright, but only for you, Dream.”

[ultimate-shipper-trash-blog]

Snippets of my 4th wall fic:

Jo was literally so confused. She was walking her dog around the neighborhood when her dog started barking and ran off into the woods dragging Joanna with him.

"PETE NO!"

He leads her to a clearing in the woods where there's a guy in a very strange cosplay. I guess it wasn't weird for people to cosplay in public but they are in the woods.

Pete runs up to the guy and jumps all over him. He's wearing a hellfire shirt and ripped jeans. She's seen better at hot topic.

She runs up to them embarrassed.

"Pete! Get off of him! I'm sorry dude I don't know what's gotten into him."

The guy gives her a strange look and starts to walk away. She still feels bad and decides to test her luck with the stranger.

"Woah Munson, cool gay pride shirt!"

The guy spins around glares at her. "What?"

"Oh sorry dude, it's this meme that came out when- WAIT actually I'm not sorry. Don't be homophobic in 2024 this is getting ridiculous, grow up."

"WHAT" random guy yells.

"Yeah dude times are changing keep up. Anyway...I'm gonna go." She should've known better than to talk to strangers in the woods. As soon as she starts walking he follows her. She starts sprinting until she's out of breathe, he's gaining on her.

"Wait!" He's yelling. "How did you know?! WAIT PLEASE!!"

He finally catches her and she falls onto her back covered in leaves.

She's hyperventilating and trying to get away from him. "Know what?!"

He's trying to stop her from struggling.

"Will you just- uh quit it- my name how did you know my name?"

"I didn't!"

"You did!"

"No! I called you Munson that's not your name!"

"Yes! It is!"

She stops struggling and finally focuses on him. He looks different than the actor obviously, but still distinct.

"No way." He eyes widen. "Eddie?"

"Yeah." He gets off her and puts some distance between them. "Do I know you?"

-------

She's walking around with Eddie trying to reach her house. She's trying not to freak out and she thinks she's doing moderately well.

There's a car behind them that keeps beeping until it pulls up next to them.

"Joanna." Ugh. Him.

"Hello Thomas."

"Jo! Don't call me that!"

"What do you want Tom."

"I'm just curious who your new friend is? You don't normally hang out with strange guys."

She stares at him until she's squinting. Then grabs Eddie's arm and walks in the opposite direction, flipping Tom off.

Eddie is laughing at her but he looks confused.

"That was cool kid, who is that guy?"

"First of all I'm a year younger than you so you can stop with that. Secondly, Tom is my neighbor. We were really close best friends until a couple of years ago. He changed. I changed. So is life. He still keeps an eye on me and definitely will snitch to my mom about this. I wouldn't worry about it. Hopefully we'll find a way to get you back to your dimension before dinner."

-----

She walks into family video listening to the chime of the bells drown out the loud thoughts in her brain.

Robin, or who she assumes is Robin is popping her gum when she spots her.

"Hi welcome to family video let me know if I can help you," she drones on, bored.

Eddie is behind her, still not understanding why this stop is important.

Jo is happy she runs up to Robin, definitely freaking her out.

"Hi!" Man could she be any louder.

"Hi?"

"Are you a friend of Dorothy?"

Eddie sputters behind her while Robin turns pale.

"W-What?"

"Oh! Don't worry! I am too!"

Eddie is freaking out behind her waving his arms and making sound effects.

"Jo! You can't just-"

"Oh relax, I just wanted to see if what transferred into canon was real."

Robin hasn't blinked.

"Um," Jo waves her hand in front of Robin's face trying to gage a reaction.

"Is he here?"

"Is who here?"

She giggles. It's exactly like the script.

---

Hi! This is the fic I was talking about in my previous post :) I'll be writing a couple of new ones, some oneshots, hopefully this one is at least a couple of chapters I can see it turning into something big. This is purely fun and is what I think would happen if we could interact w characters. This will definitely be rewritten differently in the actual chapters.

Comment if you like this and think I should continue!

This fic was also inspired by the Eddie cosplayer who made direct eye contact with me during a Journey song playing at 80s night. Creepy. Wig was TERRIBLE.

[strangeannamaul]

Lasso's Ranch

(a sesame street/Mr Rogers AU)

Sadia Crimm sits criss-cross applesauce in front of her TV with her notepad and pen, in rapt attention as the theme song begins. She wiggles her toes in rhythm with the twangy fiddle and guitar that introduces every episode of Lasso's Ranch.

"Daddy! Hurry up, you're gonna miss the buck-uh-rooooo!"

Trent yawns as he comes in from the kitchen, carrying a freshly brewed tea. His hair is still a mess from sleep and he's wearing his housecoat and sleep clothes. It had been another late night writing for his newest novel, and he was feeling it this morning.

"I'm right here, darling."

He sits back in the couch and clutches his rainbow Snoopy mug like a lifeline as the cheerful television host comes on screen.

"How d'ya do, Buckaroos!?" The man cheerfully greets the camera and pauses with a grin.

"How daya do, Farmer Teddy!" Sadia shouts back, along with the pre-recorded childrens voices on the program.

The host walks through a stage set of what Trent assumes is a cartoonish pantomime of small town Americana. As Teddy greets each puppet chicken, cow, and dog in song, Trent sips his tea and let's his mind wander. The show had been another attempt to bring the success of Sesame Street to a British market after the limited run success of Furchester Hotel. The educational content was accurate and easy for children to understand, which made up for the cartoonish accent of the host and his ridiculous outfit. If Trent was being perfectly honest, though, the tan canvas jacket, plaid button down, cowboy boots and wrangler jeans combo actually did him more than a few favours. As a business model, it kinda worked. Bright colours and music for the kids, science and eye candy for the parents.

"Today on the ranch, we're getting ready for a big snowfall. Do you know where snow comes from?" A pause. "That's right, snow falls from clouds in the sky!"

Farmer Teddy goes on to explain the lake effect to the audience, as a puppet cloud crosses the screen picking up puppet water drops as they rise on sticks from behind a tank of water that is meant to represent the great lakes, somehow turning into snowflakes and dropping back down on the other side.

Sadia scribbles furiously in her notebook. She doesn't yet know how to spell, so mainly her notes consist of random letters and pictures of clouds, but it still makes Trent feel incredibly sentimental.

"let's give a big thank you to Mister Nimbostratus and the precipa-posse for helping me with that demonstration. Thank you, fellas!" he ends his lesson.

"Any time, Farmer Teddy! Toodaloo, buckaroos!" the cloud salutes a felt arm to his cloudy forehead and the puppets walk off screen.

Off-screen, there's a loud jangle from a telephone.

"Do you hear that Buckaroos? Sounds like someone's giving us a ring-a-ding-ding!"

The host walks up the porch steps and through the front door, and the scene cuts to his livingroom set. Next, he sits down to remove his boots and jacket, then slips on a pair of flashy trainers and pullover. Trent barely registers the phone song he sings, momentarily entranced by the tendril of hair that is disturbed when Farmer Teddy pulls the jumper over his head.

"Today's call comes from Sadia in Richmond. How'dya do, buckaroo?"

"Howdy, Mister Teddy!"

Trent recognizes his daughters voice, and it pulls him from his thoughts.

"Sadia, when did you call Farmer Ted?"

"Nana and Papa helped me do it. Is that okay?"

"Uh, yeah," Trent stutters out, "I just wished they had asked me first, that's all darling. It's okay."

She turns her attention back to the screen.

"How can Farmer Teddy help you today, Sadia?"

"I have a question about feelings."

"Sounds like a good question for the Diamond Dogs. Should we call them, Sadia?"

"Yes, please, Mister Teddy," she politely answers.

"You have very good manners, Miss Sadia. Okay, you heard her. Diamond dogs, mount up!!"

Four puppet dogs come bouncing in from all corners of the set, barking and yipping, and Farmer Teddy joins in with a couple barks of his own.

When the barking dies down, Farmer Teddy urges her to go ahead with her question.

"Well, sometimes I feel like I'm happy and sad at the same time. My mummy and daddy don't live together anymore because he is gay, and sometimes I miss my daddy when I'm at mums, or I miss my mummy when I'm at dads. How do I stay happy like you, when I miss one of them?"

Something briefly flashes across Farmer Teddy's face, almost indistinguishable, but he stays in character.

"Separation is always tricky. Your big feelings are normal and valid, and missing someone just shows how much you love them. It sounds like you love your mom and dad very much."

"I do! Mummy dances with me in the kitchen and daddy reads the best stories to me!"

"That sounds like mighty good folks you have. You know, when I miss my son, I like to think of the happy memories we shared just like that and it makes it feel a little less sad. I bet if you shared your feelings with your parents, they would also have some good ideas to help you when you miss them."

"I don't want to hurt their feelings though. If I say that I miss one of them, what if they think they aren't enough?"

Trent is fully awake now, like an ice water bucket had been dumped over his head.

The Higgins puppet, a collie with a dress shirt and tie, speaks next. "Your parents love you, they won't be hurt if you open up to them."

"That's right, I think they will support you if you give them the chance!" Nate the Great Dane agrees.

The other dogs, a German shepard with thick black eyebrows, and a brownish red terrier with a beard murmur in the affirmative as well and Farmer Ted nods.

"Thank you, Mister Teddy. Thank you, diamond dogs!"

"You're very welcome, miss Sadia. It was very brave of you to talk about your feelings. We're all honoured as can be to help you."

The show moves on to another segment, where they show the kids how to build their own weather sock, and then finished with all the farm animals being read a goodnight story as the snow falls. Trent turns the show off and pulls his daughter into his lap.

"Is that true, you felt like you couldn't tell me when you miss mummy cause you thought it would hurt my feelings?"

She nods her head.

"Oh, darling. You can always tell me anything. Its perfectly okay to miss us."

He kisses her on the temple and hugs her snugly.

"I know this has been a tough adjustment. Mummy and daddy will talk about ways you can see us more, no matter who you are staying with. Does that sound good?"

Her face lights up and the brightness of it warms Trent like a furnace for the love and pride he feels for her. Later that evening, after he had put Sadia to bed, he calls Molly and they make a plan to do nightly FaceTimes and eat dinner as a family once a week alternating houses.

(10 months later)

"Come ON daddy, hurry!"

Sadia pulls his hand, weaving them through the other pedestrians as they make their way to the book store. Farmer Teddy was doing a storytime tour and they had gotten tickets for when he was going to be at the inkwell.

The bookstore is crowded; about fourty children are seated around the tiny makeshift stage, and their parents stand around the perimeter in a semicircle. Farmer Teddy steps forward to get them all and read the stories, with animated inflection and gives each character a voice, as he does on the show. Afterwards, a bearded man with a guitar joins him, along with a boy a few years older than his daughter. The boy passes a tambourine to Farmer Teddy.

"I'm honoured to have this very special guest here to sing with us today, my son Henry. This song is very special to us and we wanted to share it with everyone here today. Hopefully it can help some of you the way it helped us. Grownups, if you know the words, please join in."

The bearded man begins playing, and they start singing Hey Jude. Some of the parents reluctantly join in, but by the nah-nahs at the end, the whole room has been swept up into the song.

"Alright, that's all the show we have for you folks today, I just need to take a five minute break and then I'll be here till closing to meet everyone one on one. Thank you for being such a great crowd!"

The trio disappear through the backroom doors as parents begin to shuffle to reclaim their children and form a queue.

"Daddy, can I go see mummy in the back?"

"We can see mum, but we have to leave Farmer Teddy alone. He deserves to take his break without us bothering him, okay?"

"I promise."

Trent follows his daughter through the doors and sees her disappear into Molly's office. He doesn't mean to eavesdrop but the storeroom isn't very big.

"How ya doing, bud?"

He recognizes the voice as Farmer Teddy, familiar but his speech was in a more normal cadence and tinged with a little nervousness.

"I'm good, dad. It's just a lot of people."

A pause.

"I know, it can be pretty overwhelming. Would you like to go back to the flat with Uncle Willis for the afternoon? I can join you and your mom around 5 and I'm all yours for the rest of the week. Promise."

A sniffle, another pause.

"Uhm, yeah, I can do that dad."

"I'm really sorry Henry, I know this wasn't the plan. Thank you for being here with me for this today. I love you, bud. More than anything."

He hugs the boy, and then straightens back to standing. The bearded man hugs him as well and gives him a pat on the back.

"We got this Ted, don't worry."

"Thanks, I appreciate you."

Trent stands there awkwardly, not sure what to do. He considers if it would be best to try to slip into the office undetected or announce his presence, but the decision is made for him a moment later as Sadia reemerges with Molly in tow.

"Hello, Mr. Lasso. Thank you again for appearing here today, it's a privelage to be hosting this event."

The men break their hug, and the bearded man guides the boy out the back doors.

He takes a shakey breath and then beams at her.

"Pleasure is all mine. Independent bookstores like this are invaluable. And who is this?"

He crouches down once again to greet Trent's daughter.

"This is my daughter, Sadia Crimm. Her father should be somewhere around here...ah yes, right over there."

Ted turns to where Molly is pointing. Miraculously, Trent finally regains the use of his legs to walk over, join them and offer his hand to shake.

"Trent Crimm. My daughter is a big fan of the show, so it's quite the honour to meet you today Mr. Lasso."

"That's awfully kind of you to say, sir, but you can just call me Ted."

He lets go of Trents hand and turns his attention back to the little girl.

"Sadia, you have a lovely name."

"Thank you, Mister Teddy."

"You're very welcome. Tell me, did the advice we gave you help you talk to your mom and dad about your feelings?"

The polite smile Trent had had on his face drops away as the mortification sets in. Not only did he have an embarrassing crush on a children's entertainer, but said man remembered that his daughter called about his divorce and coming out.

"Yes, thank you Mister Teddy. Mummy and daddy call me every night so I always see them both every day."

She isn't usually affectionate with adults she just meets but Sadia wraps her arms around Ted's neck, and he has to quickly put a hand out to steady himself from falling over before hugging back.

"Sadia, please be gentle. I'm sorry Mi- uh...Ted. And err, thank you for answering her call. We watched that episode together and it led to some very good conversations. It really helped."

"Shucks, Trent. I mean I try my best. I'm glad I was able to make a difference. Divorce is hard, and I've been where you are. Harder still when you have a kid caught in between."

Before he could think too long on what that means, Molly speaks up.

"Sorry to cut this short but it's time to start the meet and greet."

Ted stands up again with a groan and stretches, and Trent tries his best to not blush at the sound. Unfortunately, he doesn't think he was that lucky and he swears he catches Ted wink at him, although it could've been a trick of the light.

Ted smiles at him. "I'm busy this week visiting with my son, but I would like to chat again before I have to go to the next stop on the tour. Are you free next Thursday?"

Trent doesn't say anything, just glances at Molly. She rolls her eyes and gestures from Trent to Ted, silently telling him say yes, you idiot.

"Uh, I can do Thursday. Yeah. A drink? Or uhm, lunch?"

"I'm not much of a drinker these days but I would like to take you for dinner, if you'd be amenable?"

"Dinner. Yeah. Okay, see you then!"

Ted smiles at him then tips an imaginary hat to Molly. "Duty calls."

With that, he turns and walks back out the doors.

"Breathe, Trent." Molly laughs at him.

He takes a deep breath and blinks.

"What just happened? I think I blacked out."

"I think that Ted Lasso just asked you on a date."

Trent scoffs. "Nonsense. It's probably a friendly hangout. Or a polite but empty offer that he had no plans on following through on. I didn't even get his number."

Molly rolls her eyes.

"You let me worry about that. You can take this one to the park while I get back to running my shop."

9pm that evening:

Trent is lying in bed, emailing pages to his editor and doing his required social media posting as part of the marketing plan for his upcoming novel. The room is dark, except for the blue square of light coming from his phone to Illuminate his face. It's then he recieves a text.

(Text ted to trent)

Hello Trent! I got your number from your ex-wife. Sorry about running out of there without taking care of the details. Busy afternoon!

(Text ted to trent)

What kind of food do you like? I admit I'm not super familiar with Richmond yet but I do like the food at this pub around the corner, Crown and Anchor. Do you know it?

Ok, so it wasn't an empty invitation. He still didn't know why the man had invited him out. A pub didn't exactly scream romantic intentions, but he would be lying if he said he'd never had a date at one before.

(Text Trent to Ted)

I know it. Shall we meet there for eight?

(Text Ted to Trent)

You bet, bobba fett.

(Text Ted to Trent)

Looking forward to it.

(Text Ted to Trent)

I'm absolutely bushed though, gonna hit the hay. Night night!

Trent felt an unbidden bubble of excitement and let his phone fall to his chest with a smile. He tries to temper his hopes by reminding himself he still has no idea the reason for the invite. It still takes him another hour to settle for sleep that night, and for the rest of the week he has a bounce in his step that his ex-wife only teases him about on days that end in y.

Finally Thursday night comes around. Trent chats on FaceTime with Molly as he checks himself out in the mirror again.

"I don't know. You sure it's not too much for crown and anchor?"

"You look dashing, Trent. He's going to be blown away, and if he isn't then he's an idiot."

He wears a patterned orange and brown sort of paisley inspired koi blouse with the top buttons undone so that a decent peak of his chest is bare. On his wrists he's layered multiple bracelets and has a statement turquoise ring on one hand. His trousers are cream, high waisted and with dramatic wide legs.

"I'm more worried about me looking like an idiot."

"Don't you dare get cold feet now! You March down to that pub and have a nice meal and a pint with a handsome man and have a good time!"

"Love you too, Molly. Ok, wish me luck."

"Good luck!"

Trent arrives about five minutes early, and scans the room. It's a quiet evening, only a handful of patrons tonight. In a booth to the right, he locks eyes with Ted, who bolts upright with a smile and stands as Trent walks over. Ted had traded his wranglers and boots for a dark wash denim and dress shoes. He wore a navy blue dress shirt that looked like it had been tailored for him as it showed off his althletic build.

"You made it!"

Ted says it as if he had been worried Trent would have stood him up and like he's relieved he hasn't been.

"As did you."

Ted smiles, and his eyes drop briefly to the open collar.

"You look good. Uhm nice. I like your outfit."

Ted runs his hands through his hair at the base of his neck, as he awkwardly compliments Trent. Tick one for this being a date.

"You look good too. Shall we order?"

Ted nods and they sit down, and are promptly greeted by Mae, who takes their orders and disappears again. For what feels like a full minute, neither of them says anything.

"So-" "Wh-"

They choose the same moment to begin to say something, and then laugh at the awkwardness.

"I'm terribly sorry, you go first."

"No really, you go right ahead and say what you were gonna say."

"Honestly, I'm not even sure what I was going to say. This as entirely unfamiliar situation for me, I've never been invited to dinner by someone I only know from television."

Trent sees him flinch.

"What I mean is, I know you're work but I don't know you, so I don't really know where to begin the conversation or why you are interested in talking to me at all. "

Ted's shoulders relax again.

"Well, not sure if this helps or hurts but I could say the same to you. Your ex-wife gave me some homework for the week, unintended of course. She let slip that you're a writer, and I ended up on a deep dive of what my internet searching told me was some of your best work. I just wanted to get a sense of who you were but it was such a good novel that I read another and then another after that. You have a real talent for imagery, sir."

"You...read my work?"

Ted nods.

"Sure did. Now romance isn't my usual genre but let me tell you I was cheering when the protagonist would finally get with his love interest every time, once I remembered how to breathe again. I had no idea a bit of reading could do that to a fella, not least of all his blood pressure. I've always said the written word is a powerful thing, but wowee do you set the bar."

"Oh, uh, thank you."

Trent blinks in surprise. Of all the revelations he thought this night might reveal, he hadn't forseen that Ted would have read his queer erotica. Not just read it, but enjoyed it.

"I write other things too. Some biographies, a couple mysteries. It's not all just... that. They were cathartic when I first was trying to understand aspects of my own life and later when I came out and people responded well so I just... Kept writing them."

Trent fidgets with his napkin. He isn't embarrassed, because he is proud of is writing, but he does feel uneasy with being so seen. Those novels are the most emotionally vulnerable of all his work, each one taking no small amount of courage to voice his desires to the universe. Ted reaches across the table to put his hand on Trent's.

"Well count me as a fan. You've got a beautiful way with words, Trent."

"That's kind of you to say. I-"

Ted gives him a moment to finish his sentence, but when it's clear Trent has thought better, he gently presses.

"What were you about to say?"

"It's nothing; it's stupid."

"I doubt that the mind responsible for writing a love as real and compelling as Stephen and Daniel had in that royal court series has any stupid ideas. Go ahead, I promise I won't judge."

*Oh god, THOSE are the books he read?* Trent thinks. Royal Court was his most popular series, but it was also a thinly veiled self-insert of everything Trent had ever dreamed his ideal romance could ever be, treason plots and high tea aside. He definitely didn't want to read too deeply into why they had resonated with Ted.

"It's just that you don't seem like my typical demographic, I don't have many readers that are.."

"What, American? Or childrens TV personalities?" Ted finishes.

"... straight."

Fuck, it's out there now. The bubble of what if and circumstantial proof he'd built up in his mind to imagine this was a date was finally going to be popped. He'd shown his cards and Ted was going to let him down easily. Taking a deep breath, he awaits the inevitable rejection.

Ted chuckles a little, but then stops at the look of pain on Trent's face.

"No you're right, sorry, not funny. Look, maybe this is just a clash of cultures thing but where I'm from if a fella meets another fella and then he asks that fella to dinner, and he doesn't clarify it as business, that's a good indication he's angling for a date. I wasn't sure you'd be interested, but I was sure interested in finding out. Doubly so after I read your books. What part of that did you get straight from?"

Trent covers his face with his hands, and groans in embarrassment.

"You were married to a woman and you have a child together. I assumed."

Ted chuckles again. "You have an ex-wife and a child."

"Point taken. Look, I'm really sorry I made any assumptions. Can we start over?"

"No harm, no foul, Simon Cowell. If it's all the same to you though, I like where this thing we got going on is at now. Seems like a shame to let all this progress go just to start at the beginning."

Trent searches his face for any indication of negative reaction but all he sees is a genuinely pleased smile, the sparkle of amusement in his eyes, mixed with a look of hunger that Trent finds thrilling.

"Alright. Onwards, forwards."

"I like that, might have to take that."

"Might let you."

Their banter is interrupted by the arrival of their food, and the conversation flows naturally until they're the last people in the pub. Mae gently (but firmly) sends them on their way, so they wander down the street together, arm in arm, neither willing to call it the end of the night, until Ted stops in front of a white door. He grabs Trent's hand when he keeps walking, to stop him, but doesn't let go once Trent has stopped too.

"This is me."

He looks at Trent with a silent plea in his eyes.

"Oh."

A silent moment stretches between them as either tries to read the intentions of the other.

"You could -"

"Yes."

Trent interrupts, and launches forward to crash their lips together. Ted responds in kind, and pulls him by the waist against the door, fumbling with the keys until it finally clicks open and they stumble through the entryway.

[cocklessboy]

Open The Windows

When was the last time you opened your windows?

Are you like me? Only have two sad, half-broken windows in your tiny, shitty apartment? Been keeping them closed because outside is a cacophony of traffic, drunk people shouting, dogs barking, sirens, and a whirlwind of smog, dust, and fucking pollen? Been keeping them closed for weeks or even months on end?

Go open the windows. Unless you have a deathly allergy to something in the air or something, go open the windows.

I opened my windows today for a few hours for the first time in longer than I'd care to admit. I've been having all kinds of brain issues lately. Memory loss. Brain fog. Loss of the creativity I once had pouring out of me. General depression and anxiety. I thought it was all side effects from medications or pure social isolation or just straight-up mental illness.

And then I opened the fucking windows. My allergies flared up a little from the pollen and the noise was very annoying and my brain cleared up after like 10 minutes and I felt human again.

No, it didn't cure my chronic pain or my tinnitus, no, it won't cure actual mental illness or medication side effects, yes, there are legitimate reasons why some people can't open a window. But it's worth noting that I thought I had legitimate reasons why I couldn't open the windows (allergies, asthma, hypersensitivity to sound) and it turns out I still really needed to open the fucking windows.

Open the fucking windows, folks. You've been breathing the same air for too long and you've used up all the goddamn oxygen.

[hdawg1995]

"Bark"

prompt 2 (I am unofficially participating in FFxivWrite2023. no order, no 24 hour limit, i’m just writing to write and get the gears turning)

Bark The wolf pup wasn’t any sort of threat, he knew. It was small, barely an ilm high. His stub of a tail caused his whole back end to wiggle as he barked and attempted to mock charge at the hyur.

“Come now, what was your name.” Thancred took a moment to think as the small creature gave a squeal of a snarl at him. “Ah yes she calls you Match! Sit Match!”

The pup paused in his aggressive display to do just that. Tilting his head this way and that, Thancred finally smiled and gave the little creature a nod.

“Good boy. Now, wheres Ixie? Come on, where is she boy?”

Match barked and jumped up, running in circles before darting up the dirt path leading from the beach. When tataru said she had found an island sanctuary for M’ixie he had in mind the resort of Costa de Sol or the hot springs of Bronze Lake. As he walks though the foliage following Match it had never accorded to him to think of M’ixie needing a sanctuary in the form of a wild island teeming with fish in the oceans, fruits in the trees, and dodos in the fields.

Match leads him to a bungalow where music blares. His bark carries over the sounds of wind-ups scampering about and marmouts working, so he isn’t surprised when the music cuts out and M’ixie steps out of the house shaped tangle of logs and leaves. Match runs up to Thancred, barking all the while until he plops himself at the hyur’s feet.

“Your guard dog is very effective.” He says. “Nearly ate my leg before I could ask where you were.”

“Good! I raised him well to be a good warrior! Didn’t I, Match?” M’ixie stoops to pick the wolf pup up.

He gets into her arms like any loyal companion would, trusting her to hold him and not drop him. Its only when he is restrained and unlikely to bite that he finally reaches out to pet the scamp.

“So, whats up? Did ya want to take a break? I was just about ta take Qutro out and gather some clams.” M’ixie, The Warrior of Light, offers as if Thancred ever has the time for a vacation.

“I’m actually here to get you and bring you back to civilization. You’re needed.” Thancred retracts his hand from the pup as he starts to playfully chew his palm.

M’ixie frowns, her ears folding flat against her head. When she opens her mouth to say something both Thancred and Match interrupt her.

“Its not so urgent we can’t take a day to relax-“ “BARK!”

Match was out of M’ixie’s arms and charging off after a nutkin. A nutkin Thancred realizes is the one that always ends up showing up when he either least expects it, or, such as now, when its the worse time to show up. To say it was a very silly chase would be putting it mildly- After Thancred called for the nutkin to come to him and it ignored him (understandable, since the wolf pup was between him and the tree creature) the two critters ran though M’ixie’s bungalow, knocking several wind-ups and marmots about. Match had gotten up a tree after the poor creature and had leaped into the corral, the warrior of life getting caught on the fence trying to grab him. “Cuddles” and “Snuggles” the Apkallus darted around and away from the pup and nutkin, which caused the ground squirrel to startle and escape as well. This lead to Match running up into a tree house while the creature comforts marmots gathered the escaped animals.

While M’ixie disentangled herself, Thancred pursued Match, taking the steps two and three at a time. He almost froze when he saw the nutkin flick it’s tail in challenge at the wolf up, baiting him to jump at it as it sat on the safety rail.

“Gotcha!” Thancred grunted as he tackled Match mid leap, the wolf pup attempting to throw itself over the railing to catch the nutkin.

The nutkin, seeing it’s would be assailant captured, escapes unharmed as M’ixie scrambles up the stairs.

“I thought for sure he was goin’ ta jump o’er the rail!” M’ixie pants.

“He had a mind for it, yes.” Thancred held the pup up while he laid on his back. “And now he is in air jail.”

The pup whimpered a protest but struggles very little. M’ixie sat beside Thancred, taking the pup from him. The chase hadn’t taken very long, but with the sun just shy of noon, the light shining on the ocean water… it was nice. The wind picked up, tossing Thancred’s platinum locks. They both felt exhausted.

“We can leave tonight.” He says, throwing his arms out and relaxing on the floor boards of the tree house.

“Agreed.” She replies, setting the pup down as he yawned, falling asleep beside the two friends.

[reverendsrevenge]

First time I’ve written my thoughts down while watching so it’s kinda messy but whatever WHATEVR anyways enjoy

Saw their apartment in the little thumbnail 👀👀

Love how dumb Dennis is this season

NOOOOO THE OLD COUCH ID BACKKKKKK

In love with Charlie as usual

I hate Dennis as usual

I just get angry when I see him

Hmmmm the blood pressure seems to be a reocccuring thing wonder what’s gonna happen at the end

Don’t know how people can trust hands free cars

Also that car is ugly

This episode seems different hmmmmmmm

Something’s gotta happen right????

I think what felt off was the lack of music maybe

Yay he’s getting arrested he deserves ittt <3333

Family plan????

I think they mentioned that before actually

Nvm it’s Frank’s plan lmaoo

69 lol

Yes screaming love to see it

Love to see him in pain

Seriously this is so fun

Suspenseful music

Just layin In the road ok (I think)

Weird angle

Feels weird

Where’s the dennis has a heart attack episode

Got real for a sec but we’re back to funny

My dog won’t stop barking I can’t focus everything’s way too loud

Keep hearing about how they built macs room??? Hoping to see it 🤞🤞🤞

It’s raining???? Symbolic to me cause I’m delusional

I love that boom sound effect so much

This episode feels sooo different from the rest of the season or maybe that’s just me

Called it

Literally asked my sister “ when’s he gonna kill him”

???????

Was that all a dream??????

Huh

I want macs room pretty please

NOOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOOONONONONINONON

NOOOOOOO

honestly slightly disappointed but whatevs

Please we were so close

I’m finer I’m fine I’m fine shwhshahajksksskkal

[tinad1]

Week9

In designing sound for animation this week I found out that it can be a daunting task, my partner and I had a huge communication problem, we couldn't understand each other's ideas, she thought I was imposing inspiration on her work , and I felt like she didn't respect my ideas, but then I thought it could actually be fun, and if we changed each other's minds a little bit it could turn into a new inspiration. During production I like to explore different voices to match the character's actions and the plot of the story, but I ran into a few issues along the way. One problem I'm facing is finding the right sound effects for each action, I'm having a hard time finding the right sound for a cat meowing or a dog barking. Because of environmental and resource issues, I can't give a real sound in reality, so I tried a lot of different simulated sound effects online. Finally, I used the real sound as a reference for making sound effects, and found a relatively suitable sound. This method gave me For the best results, the voice matches the character's movements perfectly. Another problem I had was balancing sound effects and background music. I want to make sure the sound effects don't overpower the music, or vice versa. I had to adjust the volume of the sound effects and music until they blended nicely. I also made sure each sound had its own space in the mix. After a few tries, I found the right balance where the sound and the music complement each other well. From my experience, some refinements I make when designing sounds for animation include experimenting with different sounds and trying new things, choosing sound effects with the character's action sounds in mind should match the character's movements and movements. Balance sound effects and background music Sound effects and music should complement each other, not overpower each other. During the communication process, my partner also gave me a lot of feedback, which made me notice some details that I didn't pay attention to and learned to communicate patie.

[iguessigotta]

I want to ki__ you

Three friends fall through reality into a vaguely familiar world Scenes from a story about Andriet Priuli-Steiner, sharing the title of Inquisitor with Benjamin De Yeres and Lorelei Magdalena.

I have no clue if I'm going to actually go anywhere with this, but I had to get it out of my head. Can't believe I'm thinking about practically rewriting Dragon Age Inquisition just so I can selfship smh content warnings: flashback, panic attack, near-death experience, language

______________________________________________________________

“Say that again?” “A, stop.” “What? I just wanna make sure I heard him right.”

A quiet but unmistakable sound of disagreement drew Andriet’s eyes up to Benjamin, who stood to Loerlei’s left, with a  nervous frown on his face. Andriet slumped a bit, arms dropping to his sides, before turning to Lorelei, sitting in the gaudiest throne he’d ever seen, her stern expression not having the effect it was meant to. She’d always disagree, but Andriet thought she looked like a faerie, especially when she was upset. It was cute.

Andriet sighed, shaking his head as he walked back to stand on Lorelei’s right. “I just think this guy’s a douche,” he scrunched up his nose in disgust, “a creep. If you ask me I’d say we should take a knife to his n-”

“Ok! I think it’s time to hear the defense!” Benjamin cut in, shouting over whatever it was Andriet was planning to do to this poor prisoner. Lorelei mouthed a thank you, trying and failing to hide her face from Andriet, who frowned slightly, quickly hiding it with a look of renewed anger aimed at the prisoner in front of them.

“Oh, are you sure your little guard dog is finished barking?” the prisoner, Damian, spat through his teeth, his snarl making him look more animalistic than the man he hurled his insults at, “Perhaps you should muzzle h-”

“Careful,” Lorelei’s voice cut through the room, echoing off the walls, freezing Damian in place. She stared at him in silence, before letting out a small huff of air and smiling down at the man knelt below her. “You wouldn’t want to say something to influence your judge’s decision, would you?”

Damian fell silent, biting the inside of his cheek, his head dropping as he stared at the floor in front of him. Lorelei turned and smiled at Josephine, a silent signal for her to begin. As each item was read aloud, Damian’s head dropped lower and lower, his body eventually being held up entirely by the two guards at his sides. The guilt he felt for what he’d done in the name of Corypheus seemed to physically weigh on him. 

Andriet bit his lip to try and hide his growing sneer at the way Damian sagged limply, haphazardly propped up between two armed knights. He looked pathetic, not at all like the powerful Red Templar he’d been in the field. It was so insulting.

 Months ago, when they’d run straight into each other’s parties, each side had attacked without hesitation, Damian setting his sights on Andriet, the tall, nervous-looking dual-wielder. Andriet figured Damian came after him because he looked like an easy target - thin, wiry frame, and in the instant he realized a Red Templar was charging at him, he was shaking like a leaf.

Unfortunately for Damian, Andriet hadn’t been shaking out of fear. It was a nervous energy that shook him, yes, but rather than fear it was one of excitement. Excitement that flashed across his face only after he’d found himself within range and had swiped with one of his blades, leaving a gash across Damian’s cheekbone. 

The fight hadn’t been easy for either side, both Damian and Andriet needing immediate medical attention. Damian’s trial had been postponed months to allow for both him and Andriet to heal up enough to attend. Though he stood there and goaded a man he knew was leagues more powerful than himself, Andriet was finding it more and more difficult to focus, the pain of the brutal gash in his side, along with the stitches still surrounding it, making it borderline impossible. He ground his teeth together, taking deep, deliberate breaths through his nose. It was still a battle for him to stand this long. 

Damian had cut him so deep he’d nearly carved into his intestines, the surrounding muscles cleaved almost in two. It was against their resident medic’s advice for him to be standing, especially with nothing to lean on. The wound was simply too deep to have healed enough for him to be safely putting strain on those muscles by standing up there, lording over the man who’d almost killed him 6 months ago. He felt an odd mix of righteous power and an overwhelming sense of helplessness as he stared at Damian, looking so weak a slight breeze might kill him, while the sharp, throbbing pain of the still-healing injury reminded Andriet with every beat of his pulse that this….man….this….this sad crumpled figure looking all too ready to accept whatever fate was about to be thrown on him……this thing had almost killed him.

 He remembered crying. Feeling himself bleeding out in the grass, having landed in an unfortunately-well-hidden ditch. 

He’d cried, weakly yet desperately pressing his hands against the wound, trying and failing to get a handle on his panicked breathing so he could call for help. He could hear his teammates’ voices - at times Dorian’s was so close Andriet was sure he could have grabbed his ankle if he’d had the strength to stretch out his arm. Taking a shuddering breath, Andriet made a silent plea for Dorian to come back and just look down, damnit. He was unable to stop the thought about what happens after. After this fight ends, what if no one finds him? What if his own teammates fail to see him in the brush, leaving him to die? Worse, what if Andriet made eye contact with them, too weak to call out, seeing the way their eyes don’t quite land on anything, as if they don’t see him……he especially couldn’t stop the thought of having to lay there and watch his last lifeline abandon him. Andriet choked on his own panic, coughing and gasping for air.

Damian had fallen somewhere nearby, though judging by the sound, he’d rolled further down some hill, surely calling everyone’s attention that way. Away from where Andriet had fallen. Away from where Andriet lay, weak and growing weaker, scared and angry and desperately trying to just fucking breathe and scream for help please fuck for the love of god just breathe- 

Andriet shook his head, a quick left-to-right snap that shook his purple-tinted hair, forcing out a soothing breath as he pulled himself back to his current reality. That part was over. He’d survived this monster of a man doing everything in his power to kill him. He’d survived. A little ego bruising should be nothing. Unsure of where in the trial they were at this point, Andriet simply focused all of his attention on Damian, who’d begun slowly nodding his head.

“And I assume the sentence is death.” Damian said, finally raising his voice to be heard across the room, “Let’s get on with it then.” 

Ah. That’s where they were. Finally it was time for this bastard to receive the worst punishment Andriet could think of. Damian’s sentence wasn’t death, it was - 

“What makes you think you deserve death?” Andriet spat, his face splitting into a grin at Lorelei’s subtle signal for him to hurry up and pass his judgment on Damian, “And what made you think it would be Lorelei passing judgment here today?”

Damian’s head shot up, face paling as the realization hit him - Lorelei wasn’t the judge in this. Andriet was. They’d never actually said which one of them was the judge. They’d only spoken of this “judge” as a separate entity, none of the three claiming to be one thing or another. It was a trick. A dirty, underhanded, cruel, trick to get him to overstep and dig his own grave that much deeper, because if he’d learned anything from their brief interaction since they’d battled, Andriet seemed a man to hold a grudge. Mentally cursing himself for not keeping his mouth shut, Damian took a breath, squared his shoulders, and locked eyes with Andriet.

A few tense moments passed as the two stared each other down, the silence being broken by Damian. 

“How will you do it?” he whispered, just loud enough for the three sharing the throne in front of him to hear, refusing to back down from this staring contest he and Andriet found themselves in. They stayed like that a moment longer, before Andriet broke out in a true grin, letting out a bark of laughter that Damian wasn’t sure wasn’t meant to be cruel. 

“I ai- I-” Andriet started, huffing in frustration at his odd accent slipping through, “I am not going to kill you, Damian. No one here is. And if this Inquisition works the way it should, no one out there will be killing you either.”  This time the silence that fell was unwelcome and anxious, as Damian processed what Andriet meant. He…wasn’t going to die? They weren’t giving him the death sentence. Worse, it sounded like they were going to be actively keeping him alive. Panicked red eyes flew up to meet grey-blue eyes so alight with joy they nearly shone silver. Andriet, knowing what Damian had done, the things he’d put his fellow templars through…..Andriet was sentencing Damian to life. Life with all that weight in guilt pressing him down, as if Andriet thought he could force him to kneel using a simple idea. You have to live with what you’ve done.

[possumcollege]

This reminds me of another social dynamic at play in Columbo. The murderers will kill or attempt to kill their enemies, their business partners, their spouses, friends, lovers, pets, unfortunate patsies, but it's rare that they try to kill Columbo. The most obvious reason is because it would immediately be suspicious if the investigating officer died, but most of the time they never even seem to entertain the thought. The show goes out of its way to let us in on the killers' thought processes, schemes, and desperate ploys so it'd be weird for them to consider it and not tell us. It's not that subtle a show (not a bad thing).

Off the top of my head the only murderers who take steps to try to kill Columbo are the waiting lady from Lady in Waiting, Shatner as Rush Limbaugh, the lady from Rest in Peace, the guillotine magician, Louis Jourdan, and the dog-phone guy, which sound like a lot but that's out of 69 nice episodes. The overwhelming majority of his opponents try to intimidate him or go over his head (not hard cos he's a smol bean) to have him booted off the case. Like Dick Van Dyke saying he'll scream so loud city hall will shake, they sound like a child throwing a tantrum. That's usually a very effective threat from a celebrity or a politician. Their words are often enough to ruin someone's life so they wield them like playground magic and become even more unhinged when Columbo refuses to play along and fall down dead.

The villains fall into the reality distortion field that rots the brains of people with disproportionate wealth and influence. They know in their hearts that they're better, smarter, luckier than everyone else and believe that the police are supposed to be at their service. For the wealthy, the police are at best, a resource, and at worst, a temporary inconvenience. They treat Columbo like an nuisance because the police are supposed to do their job from their proper position within the hierarchy then go away. It's why they ask him nicely not to "harass" them. It's why they expect him to buy their dogshit excuses, when he pulls at the lose ends of their brain-genius ideas, why they start squirming when he says, "nah, that's not actually possible." These people are used to telling their side of the story and walking away. Instead, Columbo lets them dig their holes, egging them on to greater and greater detail, before flat calling them liars. He bothers them and their status is supposed to insulate them from this shit.

The traditional purpose of the police is to protect property and keep social order when it's convenient. Most uniformed officers on the show stand around like props unless drawn into Columbo's puckish class-warfare field. High-ranking police officials dance like puppets, bang on their desks, and bark "leave it, Columbo" (like when the police commissioner is the murderer) unless they get that squirrelly look that says "I'm gonna look stupid if I bet against him this time."

Columbo breaks the tacit understanding between Capital and Force by using the authority given to him by the system to uphold status to negate the protections of that status. Jail is supposed to be for poor people, not the very smart and attractive rich. He uses cop powers for good.

That's one of the reasons why I say the only good cops are Colombo, Sam Vimes, and horses.

his posture is soooo bad...i want him 🥰🥰

[young-dumb-and-vaccinated]

Hey 👋

I swear I'm addicted to your writing😁 Thank you for the amazing post❤

Can I request a usually calm reader coming home to Hanni and Wil with n bruise on their cheek and/or blue knuckles from n fight. And when they question reader they find out reader defended their relationship.

Or

Them reacting to reader with cigarette burn scars from childhood or self harm scars.

Sorry if it's specific I had a dream about the first one and I'm insecure about my scars😅 Also if it makes you uncomfy ignore me🤣

Have a wonderful day/night/afternoon💕

Hey anon, sorry it took me a hot minute to get to this. Hope you enjoy!

Gender neutral y/n comes home covered in bruises. Their lovers Hannibal and Will need to know why.

trigger warnings: blood, threats of violence, mention of firearms, stalking

You spit a mouthful of blood into the snow before you even thought about turning the doorknob. Any random passerby would look at you and think you were attempting to rob the place. You couldn't say you disagreed, though: your hood was pulled over your head and you held a tire iron in your singular non-bleeding hand.

You knew it wasn't wise to let the old-money Baltimore socialites catch you in such a compromising position, but you had to double-check your mental map of the house one more time. Hannibal would undoubtedly be cooking; hopefully so in his element that he wouldn't notice you slipping by. Will was the one you had to worry about. When it came to you, he'd become as alert as a German shepherd with protective instincts to match. Where he was in the house was anyone's guess, so you needed to be on guard.

You removed your heavy boots and opted to leave them outside. You then tossed the tire iron behind a nearby planter and slowly, quietly turned the knob. The door creaked as it opened, making you cringe. The sight of neither of your partners immediately running up on you was a bit of a relief; you hadn't been discovered quite yet.

You just needed to make it upstairs so you could barricade yourself in the master bathroom and use that oh-so-rare sliver of privacy to cover up your bruises. Then you could climb down the trellis, grab your shoes and make a proper entrance with hello kisses and whatnot.

"[F/N]?" Hannibal called out before you could even breach the threshold.

With no thought on your mind other than "fuck", you turned your head away from the direction you heard him. "Yeah, I'm home."

"I'd rush to give you a kiss, but I'm a little tied up at the moment." He said, undoubtedly grinning to himself as he trussed a chicken with sturdy cooking wire. "So you'll have to come to me."

"Oh, yeah." You called back. "Let me just get cleaned up first."

"If you insist." He said with a dramatic dip in his voice. "But hurry right back. Dinner is almost ready."

Hurdle one was cleared. Now all you had to do was clear the second, much higher hurdle.

You ascended the stairs, but forgot to skip that one consistently creaky step that always alerted the dogs. A small army of dogs came pouring into the upstairs hallway, blocked only by the baby gate Hannibal had installed as a compromise. Enthusiastic barks filled the foyer as you desperately tried to calm them down from the top step.

"Winston! Max! Harley!" You rattled off as many names as you could remember. "Hush, please!"

"[F/N]?" Will said, turning the corner.

You momentarily considered throwing yourself down the stairs. It would be easier to explain the bruises and you could still soak up that sweet, sweet throuple affection without having to tell a story that even you didn't entirely believe. Common sense, however, kept your feet firmly on the ground.

Will appeared in your line of sight. You pulled the brim of your hat down and stuffed your hands into your pockets. "I, uh- forgot how to open the gate again."

The dogs parted in Will's path and he looked at you with suspicion as he effortlessly opened the gate. "Is everything okay?"

You turned your head to the side. "I'm fine. It's just really cold outside."

"I'm sure those wet clothes aren't helping." Will cocked his head. "We can start by throwing that hoodie in the dryer-"

Before you could pull away, he pushed your hood and your hat off in one fluid motion. He knew what was going on.

"I'm no doctor, but I don’t think busted noses and black eyes are side effects of low body temperature." He said, folding his arms.

You put your hand up, unintentionally revealing the bruises on your knuckles. "You learn something new every day."

You tried to scoot past him, but he grabbed your hand and pulled you back.

"[F/N]--" Will said, a blistering fury beginning to percolate in his chest. "Who did this to you?"

"I ran into a bus stop." You lied, not even trying to make it sound believable.

"That bus wouldn't have happened to be headed to Dacula, would it?"

Your silence spoke louder than any excuse you could think of.

Will sighed. "Right. I think I know what happened."

"Will, I-" you protested.

"Save it for dinner." He scolded. "I'm sure Hannibal would love to hear this."

You'd been found out it was much worse than anticipated. You felt like you were on trial, which, given the circumstances, you could have actually been on trial in a real court of law on the charge of aggravated assault. However, that didn’t make you feel any better.

Hannibal demanded an explanation and couldn't wait until dinner. He was willing to let one of his culinary masterpieces burn in the oven, knowing of course that a much rarer delicacy was in the cards once you gave him a name.

He brushed his finger over an open cut under your eye. A light click of his tongue reached your ears as he examined your face.

"Give us a name, love." Hannibal probed, holding your jaw between his fingers and following the trail of bruises down your neck. "Who did this to you?"

"It's not a big deal, really." You assured him, squirming against his grip. "I started it."

"Now that, I find hard to believe." Hannibal contested. "You're not a preemptive strikes kind of person."

"Nor would you go all the way to Dacula to throw a few punches." Will added, approaching you with an ice pack.

"Okay, so maybe I finished it." You corrected.

Hannibal smiled proudly to himself. "That's more like it."

"What exactly did you finish?" Will asked, gently placing the ice against your bruised knuckles.

You sighed. You mentioned Dacula once and they already knew the answer. They were just waiting to hear you say it.

"My ex-boyfriend, Sidney." You leaned back on your one good wrist. "He was a being a completely irredeemable shit, as usual-"

"Details, darling." Hannibal said in too singsongy of a voice than was really appropriate while wrapping your hand in gauze.

"Acting entitled, talking like I belonged to him-"

"You have no idea how little that narrows it down." Will shook his head.

You were compelled to agree, but couldn't bring yourself to admit that and the fact that you ever dated Sidney in the first place. "Right."

"That isn't out of character for him." Hannibal said.

"And certainly not enough to make you willingly drive back out to cousinfuck nowhere to beat him up." Will finished.

"I didn't go out there with the intent to beat him up!" You contested. "He said that if I could meet him for coffee he'd never speak to me again. I know it's a lot of gas money, but I really was gonna hold him to the whole 'never speaking to me again' bit."

"So what happened?" Will asked, growing impatient.

You looked at the ground, embarrassment stopping the words at the tip of your tongue.

"Somehow, he caught a whiff of our... arrangement." You tightened your hands into frustrated fists. "And he made some really shitty comments about... you."

Hannibal and Will exchanged looks. They let the silence linger, urging you to fill it.

"He went into obscene detail about how mmf threesomes are his favorite category of porn," you tried not to gag as you recalled the disgusting details. "And then said if I 'let him watch', he wouldn't tell the local baptist church that I was a whore-"

"The man is a pig." Hannibal said, matter-of-factually.

"I got up to leave." You continued. "Obviously. Then he said he knew where you lived. Announced it to the whole diner. Started to go through his list of semiautomatic weapons. So to make sure he knew I meant business-"

"You threw the first punch." Hannibal finished the thought for you.

You nodded. "Naturally."

Will smiled to the floor and pushed his glasses up his nose. "I would have loved to see that."

"As much as it pains me to say," Hannibal began, resignedly agreeing. "It's only fair that you stand up for us the way we stand up for you. From time to time."

Will brought your bruised knuckles to his lips. "Though we desperately need to teach you how to dodge. Because the next time you come home covered in scratches, someone will pay."

You took both of their hands. "I should get beat up more often."

[xaharadesert]

Accidental Potion Drinking - Headcanon

Arcana Characters (Main 6) x MC

A/N: This is one of the super cute requests I’ve gotten from @firefly-child! It’s taken some time to get to it (as I’m currently working through older requests), but I’m super excited to write something light and fluffy :) the backstory provided was along the lines of MC and their LI having a little wine night when MC accidentally grabs the wrong bottle and they end up drinking a harmless potion instead, which is a really fun request! I don’t know anything about wine, so I’ll just casually skirt around that issue by leaving it to the reader’s imagination, but since the type of potion was left up to me I’ll definitely be having some fun describing the effects! Please let me know if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes, and requests are open!

TW: drinking, consumption of alcohol, tipsy characters, mentions of alcohol, sorry I don’t really know how to tag for this kind of thing, but the alcohol bit is really only mentioned briefly to set up the scene

❤️Julian❤️

It didn’t take long to realize that you had grabbed the wrong bottle, considering that after the two of you had taken a few sips of what you had thought was wine you had both started slowly floating upward

There were a few moments where Julian thought to himself “wow, this stuff must be pretty strong, I kinda feel like I’m floating” before he realized that, oh, he was, in fact, floating

This was followed shortly after by only a second of panic, which quickly turned into delight when he remembered he was dating a magician and this sort of thing was probably normal for you

Honestly though, as endearing as it would be for him to simply trust that you were pulling a harmless prank, you would probably be panicking a bit more because oh my stars you grabbed the wrong bottle and which potion was this exactly?

But of course, Julian has an infectious laugh, and seeing as you were already a bit tipsy and nothing majorly bad was currently happening, you dissolved into a fit of giggles as well

By now the two of you were drifting near the ceiling (thank goodness you were inside), laughing at each other as you tried not to spin too far apart

The effects of the potion wore off a few minutes later, seeing as you had only had a few sips each, and you settled down peacefully, no harm done

🧡Portia🧡

The two of you had been having a rather peaceful evening, for once devoid of any sort of job or task that needed tending to

You were genuinely relaxing, drinking wine and telling bad jokes that would send you into full-bellied laughter— the kind that only seemed to grow whenever you tried to stop

With that being said, it wasn’t that surprisingly when the two of you developed a bad case of the hiccups after a while

What was surprising were the bubbles that floated from your mouth afterward

Although you were initially confused, Portia’s obvious delight at the magical turn of events quickly dissuaded your worries

She was always thrilled whenever you performed even the smallest bit of magic in your daily life, and this was no different, even if it was an accident on your part

Her hiccups only seemed to get worse as she laughed harder, tears of joy starting to spill from her eyes

The mood was infectious, and you would find yourself joining her in her pure delight

Small moments of joy such as this permeated your relationship, but this one in particular would always be a favourite of Portia’s, she was sure

💛Lucio💛

You know, even with Mercedes and Melchoir’s incessant barking, you two had been having a rather relaxing evening, sharing your favourite wines with each other as Lucio regaled you with endless stories of his epic past battles and parties

However, as always, things took a turn in the most unexpected way

The two of you had only taken a few sips of a bottle you had brought out when you noticed the dogs’ barks seemed to sound… different

You tuned out Lucio for a moment and came to the realization that you were, in fact, hearing actual genuine words coming from the dogs’ mouths as they yelled at Lucio, an endless chant of “Dad, dad, dad!”

Lucio seemed to have not noticed, so you gave him a gentle shove and motioned for him to be quiet and listen to the dogs, which promptly lead to his own eyes widening and his mouth hanging open as he processed what was happening

He was thrilled, obviously, to be able to communicate with his beloved dogs, and all thoughts of the story he was telling were forgotten

In all honesty, Mercedes and Melchior didn’t seem to have a lot to say other than “Dad!” and “Love!”, but Lucio’s eyes were brimming with tears anyway as he hugged his dogs close

Let’s be real, having the opportunity to tell a beloved pet that you love them and to have them understand it would be one of the greatest feelings of all time, and Lucio was determined to not waste a second

What may have been a small mistake on your part was one of the greatest moments of Lucio’s life, in his words

💚Muriel💚

It wasn’t noticeable at first— then again, Muriel’s voice was rather deep

But after a few more sips, you couldn’t deny it; his voice was definitely getting higher

He had been in the middle of telling you about something funny one of the chicken’s had done that day, and you had been quietly listening, but now you absolutely had to know

So, as politely as possible, you interrupted him, only to find that, oh, yeah, your voice was much higher than before

Both of you seemed pretty shocked, but let’s be honest, it’s hard not to laugh when it sounds like both of you had just inhaled helium, which, apparently, was the effect of the potion you had accidentally poured out for the two of you to drink

Muriel tried to stifle his laughter, but failed miserably as you embraced the situation and let out a long and loud sound of joy

There was no harm in drinking the potion, luckily, so the two of you decided to continue as you were, telling stories in the most serious voices you could while trying not to burst out laughing

💙Asra💙

Most evenings you spent alone with Asra were filled with quiet laughter and gentle light continuing to illuminate the room even after the sun had bid you goodnight, and today was no different

You had opened a new bottle of wine just a few minutes prior, despite both you and Asra having slightly rosy cheeks from being a bit tipsy already

The cozy light of the lantern above your head reflected off of him in a way that almost made him seem like he was glowing, although combined with the way he dressed it wasn’t very unusual

That was until you reached out to him to push aside a stray curl from his face and subsequently realized that relative to you, he really was very much actually glowing

You had been telling him about a particularly stubborn customer earlier, and as a result, hadn’t had as much to drink, so the difference was clear

He picked up on your surprise quickly, and reached up toward his own hair, thinking perhaps there was something stuck in it that startled you, only to also see his skin was glowing with a faint light

Of course, he knew as well as you did that potions were often misplaced in the shop when there was no real urgency to keep them sorted, so he knew right away what was happening, and, frankly, he found it hilarious

If you were at all apprehensive about drinking random potions while tipsy, Asra would have been pick to put those thoughts from your mind by quickly downing more of the potion and snuffing out the lantern

This on it’s own would have been a funny sight, but when he smiled widely at you and you noticed that even his teeth were glowing with a bright white light, you wouldn’t have been able to do anything but laugh, which, of course, had been his plan all along

He would encourage you to drink the potion as well so the two of you could wander around in the darkened Vesuvian streets and scare other citizens :)

💜Nadia💜

Wine nights with Nadia are pretty common— it’s one of her favourite ways to unwind after a long day of working to improve Vesuvia

However, she’s usually the one providing the wine (seeing as she’s a very wealthy Countess), so nights like this one, where you brought over some of your favourites to share, were rather uncommon

The two of you weren’t particularly tipsy when you accidentally poured a potion into her glass instead of wine— an accident that you immediately recognized when Nadia morphed into an entirely different person in front of your eyes

Nadia herself seemed a bit surprised as well, seeing as the effect of the potion usually left the user with a mild child down their spine

You were quick to point out the error and apologize, but to your confusion Nadia seemed thrilled with the mistake

Blending in with Vesuvia’s population to gain a better understanding of her people was something she had always struggled to do, but you had just handed her the perfect opportunity

Wine forgotten, she grabbed your hand and lead you toward what was sure to be one of the most adventurous nights you had ever had in Vesuvia