#However I think this was a good and important learning experience because prior to now I thought I could just crush on a girl if she asked-

[hecate-spawn]

I think after dating two women the general consensus is that I'm really bad at dating because I rush into things but very good at getting broken up with and staying on hood terms because we were better as friends anyway

[neallo]

what are your headcanons for how mello and near first met? who was at wammy’s first? did mello hate near immediately or was that not till later?

oh omg hi this is one of the only semi-general questions you could've asked that i have a blanket answer for. i'm sure some of my older works diverge from this -- and probably some new ones will continue to, just because i like to switch it up -- but i do have a sorta standard history i like to work from. standard disclaimer: these are my preferences for my own writing, and i think a really wide range of headcanons can work quite well here :3c

in my mind, mello was at wammy's first, and was the top student in his age / ability category. when near arrived, he was not immediately placed at mello's level; not only was he younger and newer, but the headcanons i have about near's background also generally mean he didn't know english when he first arrived at wammy's, so at least some of his time each day would've been devoted to learning that, & perhaps to help him catch / keep up he would have a tutor in his native language until he understood english well enough to be in one of the general classes. perhaps there are even small groups of ESL students for different languages.

i don't know. whatever. the point is that near is not in mello's class to start with, and mello feels some amount of pity towards near. not because of the ESL thing lmao (i imagine mello had to learn english when he first arrived as well) but because of all near's near-ish traits. honestly, i don't tend to think of mello as having been a particularly nice child to the other orphans, even pre-rivalry, but near's scrawniness + health problems + social isolation i think on some level prompts a small protective streak in mello. he's this small, sad-looking, lonesome child, and mello is the first and only person he likes and trusts. in an unpublished bury us both companion piece i have their first meeting occur while near is hiding from roger and mello lies on her behalf, then shows her another hiding place. actually. damn i should post that. can't remember why i haven't.

i vary somewhat on how close they were as children depending on what dynamic i want to go for, but i tend to think there was at least some care & friendship there. the basis of their friendship, i imagine, is that mello feels older and wiser and cooler and stronger than near, and gains a sense of importance and security from near relying on him. this implodes horribly when near is moved up into his class level and starts besting him in every subject. so begins the rivalry. so ends their friendship. i do tend to imagine mello would intervene on near's behalf if he were ever being physically bullied / threatened, but they're never close like they were before again, because mello leaves before they can both mature and grow enough to sort anything out. except in AUs where that doesn't happen, which are my roman empire.

there are a few reasons i like this general sort of setup best for my own works. for one, having mello arrive first means that he got to experience, for however long or short a time period, being the golden child of his class. i think having this sense of specialness and accomplishment would make near beating him all the more painful. i could get way into mello's self-worth problems here but instead i'll just say: mello believes himself worthless and needs to be The Best in order to prove to himself that he's good enough at all. which has never actually worked for him, but, you know. i also like them having been friends prior to the rivalry because it resonates better for the sorts of dynamics i like best, and twists the knife a little from near's side. mello cared for him and looked after him, once, but now he sees near as his enemy. ough.

wow they make me bonkers!

[many-but-one]

hello! i am a minor who has DID and figured out that i am a ramcoa survivor. i just want to ask: does it get better? i saw that you post recovery stories about healing from ramcoa and they have inspired me, however eventually living with total access to the memories is daunting to think about. so like, does it actually get better? will i be able to make peace with the higher ups and my system?

have a lovely day btw :)

Yes, it does get better!

The access to memories and integration is incredibly daunting. As a part who once knew absolutely nothing (I was once the ANP “non knowing host part”) I now have immense access to an immense amount of memories that have been integrated over the time we have been healing and processing our horrific traumas.

I’m still very emotionally disconnected from these memories. Some of them have been integrated into collective memory via flashbacks, and others have been integrated because parts have processed their memories, and others have been integrated via memory sharing as amnesia barriers began to lower between us and we improved system communication and cooperation.

With improving communication and cooperation came horrible memories, that’s just part of it. I used to freak the absolute fuck out every time I learned something new and awful. Now, it’s something I’m fairly used to. I’m rarely surprised by anything anymore. Moreso I feel incredible anguish and grief for what my parts went through for me and other lesser knowing parts to be able to go on with everyday life. I grieve knowing we experienced immense betrayal from people we trusted. That’s far more difficult than the memories, in my opinion. But then again, I’m still fairly emotionally disconnected. When I get access to emotions attached to the memories, it bodies the fuck out of me.

However, working on processing those memories and the emotions associated with them has made this process easier.

I will not lie. Healing from all of this is the second hardest thing we’ve ever done—the hardest thing was surviving it in the first place. The good thing is, the hardest part (surviving) is out of the way. Now we get to heal. It’s hard, but it’s so worth it. Parts of my life that I was extremely avoidant and averse to (like being close with friends, experiencing romantic/platonic/sexual intimacy) is finally possible.

Perhaps TMI, but us being able to take back our body and experience sexual freedom without programs running the show is such an incredible experience. I would have never been able to do that if I hadn’t healed so much and I didn’t have an incredibly patient partner willing to understand our situation and work with us to be able to heal and experience this freedom. This extends to the freedom to trust and experience romantic and platonic love and intimacy too. We were incredibly avoidant of these things prior to us starting our healing journey. Now, here we are! It’s a beautiful thing.

My advice to you, one of the most important tools in my healing tool box is Hope. Something my therapist used to say when I felt my hope waning was “I have enough hope for the both of us. I’ll carry your hope for you, I’m able to hold this for you until you can hold it yourself” and we used to pass hope back and forth like a hot potato. But I always knew she held out hope for me. Knowing someone held that hope for my healing and a future free of these burdens helped me eventually learn to carry my hope for myself. I’m also now strong enough to hold hope for others in their healing journey, and support them as best I can.

It will get better. It will be hard, but it’s worth it.

Take care, OP.

-Many

[muntasireen]

Your advice for the future Muhajiraat ..

جزاك الله خير الجزاء

I don't think me listing a few brief pieces of advice here would suffice any sister planning on traversing the path of sacrifice because I myself have seen that you learn the best through experience firsthand. Although there are so many things, so many details and so many tips that, now looking back, I wish I had known or was informed of prior to hijra, I still feel like I wouldn't have truly understood or have been equipped well enough until I went through some tests and trials.

However, I would want to tell you guys to place in front of yourselves high standards as believing women, take the anbiya and sahaba as role models, read about how much they willingly sacrificed from their families to their wealth to their security to their health, never ever feel like you have done enough for this deen but at the same time don't become pessimistic and consider yourself doomed, think well of Allah, hope for His reward in times of ease and hardship, hope for His Aid in times of urgency and desperation, and make seeking His Pleasure and obedience to Him the first and most important goal in everything you do, and before everyone else's approval.

Remember that this deen is the most valuable thing you have so be careful not to let it slip away from you and be careful not to let the dunya change you or dim your zeal to sacrifice. Remember this is not the final resting place and that you are only in the middle of the journey to the Akhirah. Keep your focus on the path and keep going forward, don't look back to the life you left behind nor those who retreat back to the lives they had once left behind also.

Things will get hard, but that's the beauty of this path, the sacrifices were never meant to be easy and neither are the rewards cheap.. the relief comes in waves but hardship will also come one after another since its the nature of this wordly life and what Allah has Decreed for us to purify us from our sins or reach a level in Jannah that we couldn't reach alone with our good deeds. And when you are given a choice between sacrificing fisabilillah and inclining to the dunya, no matter how much more convenient the latter seems and how much people try to make it appear as permissible and harmless, step on your heart and choose the pleasure of Allah, choose the state you want to die in, choose the deeds that bring you closer to the obedience of Allah and the haqq.

Perhaps you will see from people things you don't like, behaviours you don't agree with, speech that aggravates or upsets you, and know that no one is infallible and everyone will face Allah for any wrongdoing they do, so check and fear for yourself first lest you harm others the same way, and make dua that Allah guides those who fall in the same matter, advise them gently if you can with evidence from quran and sunnah clearly and if they continue, be content with having done your part towards them in front of Allah, and control your emotions from becoming reactive to people who are not going to recieve it well nor will you benefit yourself by doing so.

And know, that this path is not void of loss of wealth and lives, fear and hunger, losses in this dunya if handled with patience and the correct intentions will be abundance and rewards in the Akhira bi ithnillah, be militant with yourself when you feel weak in your imaan and shakey in your thabaat, hope for the imminent victory from Allah or shahada in His Cause trying to support His religion with your wealth and life and don't worry about the outcomes, hold yourself up with the last bit of strength in you for you are not responsible for anyone except yourself, and upon you is to serve this deen and then Allah Does what He Wants with His Kingdom, and He has promised those who do good that their rewards will not be lost.

[skayafair]

Let's talk Hilbert, Pt. 2

Now that I made it clear why I like the character so much even despite his atrocities, let's get back to the topic of why he's so compelling.

A lot of people seem to think Doctor Hilbert has abandoned his own "self", dedicated his life only to his work and his aim to save humanity (by creating a virus). That simply the fact that the only meaning he sees is in his work and not life is selfless.

Well.

To me he's selfish to no fucking end and this is FRUSTRATING because it fucked up his whole life, cut short a lot of other lives and was tragic overall for nothing. (Of course, the real reason for all this was trauma and since I don't think Wolf 359 universe is that different from ours, therapy wasn't really an option, which makes it all all the more tragic in the worst way possible - the one I hate the most, the "it didn't have to happen like this and could actually turn out REALLY good but the circumstances just didn't line up".)

Because it didn't have to be like this, shouldn't have been like this, and I hate Goddard Futuristics with passion for setting things up to feed to Hilbert's obsession in the worst way possible. I'll just copy my tags from that drafted post next because they sum it up well.

Hilbert is hellbent on his aim and has a tunnel vision, talking big about the science and logic when THIS ISN'T HOW SCIENCE IS DONE.

You don't just barrel into experiments without proper theoretical preparations! And no one in their sane mind would work on something so complex ALONE, at the very least to keep a critical mind. And this is what he failed at - he's not CRITICAL to his own work because it's so important to him. But if it IS so important he HAS to be critical and he isn't! He contradicts himself every step of the way and this drives me up the wall!

That's why I'm so hooked. This frustration - if only he could see past his own nose juuuust a little bit. What a life it might have been then.

This is just a matter of perspective. Traditionally it is understood between humans that the most value is attributed to the existence, "life", personality. But to some, their essence lives in other things still connected to them directly. To Hilbert, he amounted in his work, reaching his aim, not a personality or its existence in a human body. So in his case, threatening his research was the same as threatening a human life in normal circumstances, and threatening his life was pointless, it didn't hold any meaning on its own to him. If he could exist as an AI, he'd be the happiest probably - less restrictions in any way that matters. Ask autistic folks, a lot would agree.

However, despite all the claims of his logic and no feelings, this is always the fattest lie. Thing is, any human still has feelings. They may be almost muted, they may be warped, they may be silenced, but the fact still stands - they exist. They don't go away. You can't get rid of your "self", for better or for worse. And Hilbert toootally didn't.

He set an aim - chose a field, chose to follow this path, chose to set any attachments aside and treat people as expendable if the situation demanded so. All this was his choices, his personality. And the fact that he never doubted - no, forbade himself to doubt - his virus research and experiments? It wasn't selflessness, far from it. It was a very human, very selfish fear to be wrong. I mean this isn't suprpising - he isn't even a genius of a scientist, the plant monster and Decima failure considered. To learn that he wasted so much time, or wait, it's worse. If some 10, 20 years prior to this Haephestus mission he had a research team and they showed the virus idea wasn't warking, he could start all over again many times by now. He could have an actually working one. So the fear would be not only about time but opportunities... and in the end, it would be about his own self, his own life (which is his work), his whole essense just - wasted. Wrong. Annihilated.

Every creative person knows this fear. Every time you put a piece of yourself into a thing you create and put it out for people to see, you know this. That they can nulify it all, killing this piece of you. It's painful as is. Imagine putting your whole self into one and getting it trashed.

So no, Hilbert is not selfless. He's very much and selfishly afraid of death, only in his case the meaning of "death" is a bit different from a traditionally accepted one. And this fear has led him so, so far astray, turned his and many other lives into a tragedy.

I can't call him a coward - this is a very reasonable fear after all, and I admire his dignity and resolve. I don't justify his actions, he crossed too many lines which should have never been crossed. But it all just frustrates me so much! Because all of it could have been avoided! But the circumstances - it's always these damn circumstances.

Of course he agreed to work with Goddard Futuristics. They offered the funds and the equipment no one else did and no moral restrictions, but left out one of the most important resources - people to work with, the teammates. Hilbert isn't great with people, that much was obvious, so he wouldn't have found anyone on his own (or maybe it was even restricted). His failure was set up, which is to be expected - the podcast showed Cutter's way of handling things, choosing the ones driven into a corner and manipulating them in all details. Find a scientist obsessed with one aim and let him drown in it.

Hilbert even met people willing to throw him a life ring despite everything, but alas, it was too late. The circumstances, y'know. And he didn't even learn about that.

It's just so damn tragic when an overall okay man with a really good goal ventures off the wrong path because there was no right one in sight, and then it's just one thing pulling another in tow, and he drowns.

I've seen a few people mentioning how Hilbert just doesn't agree to be redeemed, and I think it's not just that. This road was simply closed to him and he saw that clearly. He couldn't walk it, not with the way he is... was. Too much has already been done and there was no turning back. His personality wouldn't have let him. Moreover... his redemption, for him, was probably his virus finally working, and nothing else. The rest just wasn't alowed to matter enough.

And he cared. Despite all the big talk about no attachments and no feelings, he tried to minimize the damage the best he could, but one person can only do so much. Too bad there weren't more to help.

And he even admitted to the fear of being alone. Of the door waiting for him in case he was the only one left again - this would mean he lost another crew, another group of people who shouldn't have died - not in general, not because of him. Another failed try, another number of years wasted. And loneliness, again. The doctor didn't engage in the crew's shenanigans just because. The feelings are there, hide however you want.

Eiffel and Lovelace gave him "Humanity 101", but I really don't think there was a need. Humanity is such a wide spectrum.

[northwest-cryptid]

I don't think people understand that you gotta make mistakes and grow from them by being educated one way or another about how to not make the mistake or why it was a mistake in the first place.

The internet is built around flash in the pan drama and unfortunately that has poisoned the minds of people who mean well on much more important topics.

You see someone sharing an opinion on a topic, that is just horrible; perhaps racist, sexist, or just generally bigoted. Your first instinct is to attack them, lash out; let them know how wrong they are, not why they're wrong; just that they are in fact wrong.

Make sure you really make it clear you want them dead, don't let anyone question that you might sympathize or seek to actually better this individual. They aren't worth it, they won't listen; you know this because the internet tells you so. Others "like them" have already poisoned the well and now you know the rules too well to give this one the time of day.

Prove to them that you are exactly what your enemies make you out to be, prove to them that you see them as nothing more than a horrible immoral person that doesn't deserve respect.

Sure they might come to resent you, they might in fact view everything you stand for in the same light; you may be a detriment to the very movement, people, or thing you stand to defend; but don't let that bother you... look the people on the internet love you, you get notes, you get the dopamine of knowing people think you're cool because you stood up to the bad man.

This is how we are now.

You know when I was probably just 16 I fucked up pretty minorly, like literally for context I'll just admit to this shit openly, don't talk about it much but I need you to understand the scope of this. When I was like 16 I wasn't artistically talented so I just casually traced shit, didn't know it was wrong to do so.

Tumblr however, made it clear I had fucked up, daily anon hate; mostly the generic "kill yourself" and the like; do you know what I learned from that experience?

I learned that I shouldn't listen to those people, who reacts like that? I was a kid, I still didn't know what I had done wrong, no one would explain. I was simply a target for hate; and when I'd ask for advice I'd only get further hate. I had "fucked up" online, and that was that. There was no allowance for growth. I was literally being told to fucking kill myself at 16 because I fucking traced over some deviantart shit. Can we just rationalize that for a second?

Now I need you to understand that this is how we respond to everything on the internet. It just feels far more justified when it's about something that actually matters. But hang on, let me go back a second; what did I just say I learned from that experience? Right, that I shouldn't listen to those people.

You realize the only reason I understood what had happened was because a very good friend of mine at the time sat me down, and I will never forget that the first words she spoke to me were:

"Don't listen to those assholes, it's not a big deal."

Before she ever explained to me what I had done, or why it could be hurtful; or the impact that it could have. Prior to offering me any guidance on how to actually learn art and such so I wouldn't repeat the same problem; the first thing she had to tell me was those people don't deserve to be heard.

And I needed to hear that before I was going to listen to ANYONE about anything at that point, because getting upwards of 30 - 50 anon messages telling me I was a waste of oxygen, that I needed to off myself and just do everyone a favor; that I was a mistake, every hour or so; well let's just say that really doesn't make a kid see your point of view and I don't think it works any better with adults for that matter.

Can you imagine if I didn't have someone like that to set me straight? Do you think I'd have learned anything positive from that situation? Do you think I'd have come out of it understanding what I had done wrong? Absolutely not, I'd have just thought everyone was too sensitive or some shit, whatever bullshit the people who picked me up after would tell me. Oh and that's the thing isn't it, if you make someone a victim; you've done half the work for your opposition to come in and convince this hurt individual that they are in fact correct; that you are in fact a bad person and that this individual needs to side with them because they wouldn't treat them this way.

It's easy to recruit someone who is starved of anything positive, who hasn't heard someone agree or even sympathize with them; someone who was trying to do something good and got burnt for not doing it right.

You know, I really do get it, I absolutely understand the want to just blow up and say some shit. It's fine to have emotional, speak from the heart kinda moments, it's fine. However when you're speaking on an issue that matters, when you're talking about the lives of individuals, when you're discussing what to do and the change that you want to bring you ABSOLUTELY, under no circumstances; lash out.

Because that's exactly what those who want to see you dead are looking for, you cannot afford to give them anything to work with.

It's why I lose my shit every time I see someone at those LGBT rallies screaming and causing a scene and being aggressive. Because that's the very thing people say we are, that's the very thing they use against us; and you're just giving them that, you're just letting them have that. Why? What does it accomplish!? Sure you get to feel like the big man right now, but you're hurting the very cause you stand for, and yea I hear you

"So what, do you want me to shut up and be quiet and do nothing"

NO I want you to conduct yourself like a fucking adult, I want you to show these people who might stand in the middle, who might not pick a side; that everything that a homophobic asshole has to say is wrong; I want you to prove to the world that we're just people, I want you to go forth and show people that, without being exactly the stereotype that's used against us! I want you to stop feeding people more to use against us, I want you to think before you act.

Because here's the truth, I might just be an individual to you, but to someone who sees Natives in a bad light, I could easily become an example of "see this is how Natives act" and you DO NOT give them that, you do not let them make that claim; you do not allow them to use you as an example.

If you are fighting for something, you represent the whole of that entity to those who oppose it, and you CANNOT afford to let them see you as something that isn't reasonable, that doesn't deserve the right to be heard.

You can't afford to be 50 anons in my inbox telling me to kill myself.

You need to meet people on a level they understand, you need to meet them halfway and explain it to them; you need to be willing to educate them even when it's not your fucking job. Because the alternative is being all talk and no action, the alternative is never seeing your goal come to light, the alternative is that we may as well just roll over and die.

When you can't conduct yourself with respect and dignity you act for the opposition. That's just the unfortunate truth. Trust me I've wanted to say some very choice words to some very specific people before, and I have had to remind myself that when I am in a situation where I speak for the whole I cannot allow myself to act on impulse and emotion alone; lest someone make an example of it and use it against everyone who stands with me.

This is why I say we need to educate people, this is why I say we have to approach even conflict with the idea of explaining to uneducated masses the truth about the shit they say.

If someone came to me and told me all Natives were savage killers who can't be civilized and all that shit; sure you absolutely bet I'd love to just knock em cold where they stand. Is that not exactly what they would expect from a savage? Is that not exactly what they expect a Native to do?

Sure I could cause a scene, I could fight; I could yell and scream and make a problem of it. It would only prove them right. Instead I could always educate them, explain things to them.

"But they won't listen."

Doesn't matter then, it's not for them then; it's for everyone who sees it; it's for the masses around us, who see this man approach me telling me Natives are all savages who can't be civil; because the sane among them will see a Native there who can be civil; and suddenly all that man has to say becomes nonsense.

You need to be able to disarm them with understanding, education, and fucking kindness. You need to understand how to make your enemy understand you until they're your friend, and then when it comes time for their actions to take a side, you can bet your ass they'll side with you because it would be insane for them not to; not when they know everything that you know.

We see on the internet, this constant bickering of elementary school kids; just on much more important topics.

We can't discuss shit like politics anymore, it becomes "yes" "no" "yes" "no" "yes" "no" instead of making any real progress one way or another. I know some people are VERY stupid, do you know how many times I've been VERY stupid? How many times I've been uninformed? It's a lot.

It's a LOT, and it's a lot more than I care to admit.

However I was lucky, because I was around people who actually cared about what they were saying, about the messages, about the causes they stood for. I was around good honest people who were understanding, and who taught me better.

Not as someone who was bad and needed to be fixed, but as someone who didn't know any better because I was never taught in the first place.

I was given respect, I was shown kindness, and as such I was better for it.

People talk about "converting people to your cause" and all this shit, that's not it; you don't need to convert someone, once they know what you know they will make up their mind.

If you show them that you are someone worth fighting for, that your cause is in the right; they will fight for you.

I used to be homophobic, it kept me from understanding a lot about myself, it kept me from making some very good friends; it made me a pretty awful fucking person. I didn't know, I had no clue, I didn't understand the scope of what I had been taught. That didn't change until I grew up and met other queer individuals like myself who were able to show me that everything I had known was all homophobic lies.

Not by demonizing me, or "proving me wrong" but by just being good honest people, who meant well; and acted with kindness.

The internet has unfortunately poisoned the way people engage with real social issues; and as I get older it becomes harder and harder to stay quiet about it.

There's a huge difference by the way, between this; and punching a nazi.

You should absolutely punch nazis. I'm not going to say they deserve kindness.

And by that same token, there's a time and place for that sort of militant aggressive push-back. You need to learn where to draw that line, and how to draw that line before you go making an ass of yourself and smearing the name of the cause you stand for.

[the-weaving-cryptid]

The word "luck" doesn't appear in the English language until the 1480s, likely borrowed from the Middle High German word "gelücke". Luck as an English word was likely brought into the language as a gambling term but has since developed into a superstitious belief and supernatural phenomenon that various cultures believe in.

What Luck Is (And Isn't)

Luck can be broken down into two things: the belief that defines the experience of improbable events by chance and an attribute of a person or object. Luck isn't something that is usually measured. It's simply good or bad, and it just is. While luck isn't usually measured, there are superstitious beliefs regarding what may attract good and bad luck. There are also various practices in folk magic that are said to protect, benefit, and ruin one's luck.

The thing about luck that makes it unpredictable is that it doesn't care how good of a person you are (or how good you think you are). Bad luck comes for everybody, whether by improbable chance or by consequence of your own actions. It doesn't judge you or anybody else. You could be one of the most generous and kind individuals out there, and bad luck would still find a way to you.

It is important to mention that there are no universal rules or "correct" beliefs regarding luck. Many cultures believe in the concept of luck but have different beliefs regarding what is lucky and unlucky. One example of this is how many Christian-influenced cultures believe that 7 is a lucky number. At the same time, some Asian cultures believe the number 7 is unlucky.

Another important point to mention is luck is not karma, so avoid treating it like karma. Karma is a doctrine from Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism. Luck is a superstitious belief and supernatural phenomenon that many people, regardless of their religon or lack of, believe in. I won't get into the details of karma here because that would derail the entire post. Find a Hindu, Buddhist, or Jain to talk to. Research it on your own time.

The Importance of Luck in Folk Belief

You have to consider how the times were prior to today's conveniences; those conveniences being the internet, cell phones, fast transportation, and many other technologies. For many rural communities, the nearest doctor could easily be a day-long trip or longer away on horseback. If one person had an infected wound or got sick, it could mean death. If the man of the house lost his job, it could mean the entire family starves. If the family didn't starve, the bank may take the house due to them failing to pay their taxes or failing to pay off their loans.

The smallest mistake could come with a heavy price back then. Due to this, people sought to preserve their good luck however they could. As long as their luck was good, they could at least get by.

While we have many conveniences in today's age (I'll admit, conveniences that are often privileges), you still never really know when things are going to go sour. There are still many rural communities and low-income communities where people are living paycheck-to-paycheck. Many of these people have vehicles that are hanging on by a thread because they can't afford anything too new. Many can't afford health insurance or an emergency hospital bill. I could list a number of things, but you get my point. For many people, despite today's conveniences, life is still full of struggle for many. This goes back to what I said earlier- many people still believe that as long as they can keep their luck good, they can at least get by.

Common Superstitions

I will give the disclaimer now: I'm speaking from the perspective of a person raised in the deep south and currently living in rural appalachia. Some of these are superstitions I grew up with, and some are ones I learned as I grew older. You may be from a place where the beliefs are the opposite of what I have listed here. That's okay. Sometimes, things are different based on location and culture. Take that into account as you read from here.

• Hang horseshoes above the front door facing upwards to keep the good luck from running out.

• Sprinkle cornmeal at the bottom of your savings jar to keep your coins and cash off the hard bottom, that way you'll be kept off hard times.

• If you find a penny facing heads-up, put it in your right shoe for good luck.

• Never burn pine, cedar, dogwood, or sassafras inside. It brings bad luck. (Also, pine will spit like none other so just don't burn it inside so you won't burn your house down.)

• Always exit a building the same way you entered, otherwise you will attract bad luck.

• When you move into a new house, leave your old broom behind. Otherwise you will bring all the negativity from the old house with you.

• Carrying a rabbit's foot attracts good luck.

[iraprince]

Sorry if you've already said but can I ask what age you started drawing? I'm in my twenties wondering what sort of skill level I can acquire if I haven't been applying myself very much before this point

i have been drawing for as long as i can remember. i started wanting to actively improve my technical skills when i was a teenager; i think i started learning how to actually actively improve my technical skills (on purpose instead of by accident, lol!) in my 20s.

(also -- as wordy as it may be, you'll notice i'm really particular about saying "technical skill" over and over! this is because it is only one factor of what drawing is, but a lot of times when ppl talk about being "good at" drawing, tech skill is what they really mean. when i say technical skill, i'm usually referring to draftsmanship, the ability to draw things not just accurately/realistically, but as they appear in your head; your hand doing what your mind tells you to, your ability to meet your own intentions/expectations for a piece, however it makes sense to conceptualize it. it is NOT the most important part of drawing, not by a long shot, but realistically it's often the sticking point for people who are learning + it can be one of the big struggles in keeping morale up.)

these may seem like finicky distinctions to make, but to me they make sense! bc the benefit we may have starting as adults is a better grasp of how to CONSCIOUSLY study and improve on specific areas of a skill, vs the passive improvement that will generally happen from pure directionless repetition. i feel that i've had jumps in my technical skill level over the course of a year or two as an adult that are bigger than my improvement through all of middle + high school, for example -- and i bring this up bc if what ur concerned about is technical skill, that is not purely 100% about time invested, and starting later than some does not mean you're at some kind of massive insurmountable disadvantage.

in that specific example, the difference as an adult was going into it with intentional curiosity and a drive to specifically improve, vs middle + high school was six years of me happily drawing the same 4-5 characters floating from the waist up in perpetuity. were those years wasted bc i wasn't drilling myself and doing studies? fuck no! but my progress was different, bc i was focused on other, equally important parts of learning to draw. (like discovering + honing my own tastes, consuming a lot of media that inspired me, and having fun!!!!)

SO, anyway, my personal perspective on the skill level u can attain if u start now: the same as anyone else!! and i don't think i'm being like, sunny or unreasonably optimistic in saying so. i think keeping ur chin up and being patient w urself as u learn to draw is generally way harder than actually drawing, for literally everyone. u have to make a lot of dogshit drawings to eventually make good ones, and that is the part that's actually really really hard. but u can make decisions about how and where to apply the time u invest that may show u visible progress in ways you'll find surprising! (pls balance that time with shit that's just fun, too.)

in case it's helpful, i'll leave u with a different very wordy multi-para response where i talk about where to start if you'd like to learn to draw with no/little prior experience: here! it's def not comprehensive and is totally colored by my own opinions/perspective on art, and specifically on illustration/comics, but i hope it might be a starting point :)

[kosdaoziro]

Mistakes in Creation

Finally, I'm writing a new religion post, after saying I would in... December of last year... Oh.

Let's not dwell on past mistakes, and instead on new exciting mistakes.

Like this one above (Look closely)

So, what does it mean to make a mistake in creation and how should it be handled? Find out more below the cut

Not all pursuits have what can be truly classified as "mistakes", indeed, in most cases of construction for the self, a "mistake" isn't a useful concept.

But it certainly is a mistake to think that is always the case. Especially when the creation involves others. For more on collaboration, check my prior blog post.

Definition

I'm sure you have in your mind examples and a definition of "mistake" already. It's a pretty common word after all. But I think it is important to get a definition that fits into the context of Kosdaoziro.

A mistake is an instance of unknowingly hampering the fulfillment of a wish while trying to create to fulfill it.

Note the bolding of wish. In the sense of the religion, wishes are more generally things people want fulfilled, not just the high aspirations it is commonly used for.

(why is this gif so full of static? Eh, at least it communicates desire and is not porn.)

Note also that for this post, a mistake is made in service of a goal that it hampers. This is intentionally narrower than a normal definition of mistake, as there's not much to discuss from a creation standpoint about say, sleeping too little before a big meeting.

So, when have I really made a mistake?

Never. You've never made a mistake.

...

Hopefully you didn't fall for that. Being old enough to read this post, you will have made a mistake, at some point, even under the narrower definition I made above.

Internal Recognition

There are times when you simply know that you've made a mistake, such as Arceus allowing Giratina to destroy by its own decision making. While destruction can be important, She (Arceus) knew there was too much.

In a sense, this is the easy mode of mistake recognition. Given a self's natural inclination to start with justification, usually one noticing a mistake means one really exists.

However, the nature of the mind is that it is full of contradictions. Sometimes, the spike on the shield of self-justification can flip inwards and cause you to see everything as a mistake. This is a sign of destructive thinking and something to discuss with a qualified professional.

But, sometimes the biggest mistakes are made by people who don't realize they made one, needing external input.

External recognition

On the surface, this seems easier than looking at what you've done and realizing that you've made a mistake. But blind trust and blind rejection both have a fundamental problem: ignorance of intentions.

This is part of why people have a defensive shield in the first place, that people can have the urge to ignore criticism because there are those who dish it out because they don't agree with the approach or person, rather than due to causing a problem.

Evaluate claims, especially of making a mistake, and avoid jumping to conclusions.

I've made a mistake, now what?

Now we're getting to the core of the post, inspired by my work experience with a major development project I've just wrapped up. Due to not wanting to get fired, I won't be going into specific details related to the project, just lessons learned.

Sunken costs are not a good reason to ignore feedback about a mistake. It is a reason to focus on why the costs ended up there and not on the right path.

The road well-traveled is never without a reason. Don't disregard it as too hard or incorrect if you don't know why it is taken.

Evaluate if you understand all the situations involved. Do you know them all?

You might notice that there's a theme of communication not being complete. That is a failure I've had during the project, and worth evaluating especially in works with others.

Prevention and Cure

There's a common saying that prevention is worth a lot more than cure. It's an attractive idea, but as common with small phrases, it is easy to misinterpret and overly simplify.

Fixing the mistake and putting things back on the right track is important when mistakes are made. but don't let that be the end of the story.

When the dust has settled, try to see what went wrong and develop a "vaccine" for the problem, like how to make a real vaccine, you need to take a part of the virus and use it as immune training instead of sickening.

There are mistakes that can only be prevented and those that can only be corrected. Most are not these types. Always try to do both.

It's impossible to make no mistakes, but you can make it so you're avoiding the same ones.

A personal note.

It's been far too long since I last did this. I got a little too caught up in this idea being my next post, and so I ended up waiting until my dev project was finished before writing.

I'm going to try to avoid that in the future, and look over some past posts for sequels next. Hopefully, you'll see from me in December.

Oh, and the Arceus is fine, the legs just pop off.

[sowingseedsandshootinghoops]

Love is Enough: Patroclus in “The Song of Achilles”

Note on the text: I used The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller as published in 2012 by HarperCollins

Madeline Miller has crafted a near masterpiece here. Not quite as good as Circe but how many books are. And at the center of this one is another great protagonist, Patroclus, who learns how to truly tap into his potential and become the best version of himself.

When we first meet Patroclus he is just a little kid craving for his father’s love and attention. His mom has passed away and it is clear that he is nothing but a “disappointment [to his dad]: small, slight. I was not fast. I was not strong. I could not sing” (1). He knows deep in his bones that he is unloved and unwanted: a failure. This not only affects him psychologically, but stunts his growth as a human being. Love is the most important thing for a child to experience. More than anything else he needs to know that he is loved and accepted if he is to become who he is meant to be. That is why Patroclus isn’t able to grow while living with his father, but Achilles is. It’s obvious from the beginning that King Minoetius despises Patroclus while King Peleus loves Achilles.

When he goes to live with King Peleus, Patroclus is something of a disappointment, and runs a real risk of being just another royal brat who never met his potential. In fact he is being sent away because he brought shame on his family name, but the moment King Peleus sees him he tells Patroclus that he is welcome to stay and that he may “still make a good man” someday (29). It’s Peleus’ belief in Patroclus that starts Patroclus on the path to becoming the hero that Briseis will later say is worth 10 of Achilles. Achilles also loves Patroclus and even from the very beginning treats Patroclus with a respect that his father never gave him. When he and Patroclus are learning to play the lyre, instead of simply mocking Patroclus he encourages him to keep practicing. Similarly, when Chiron decides to take on Achilles as a pupil, he also teaches Patroclus everything he knows about medicine so that he can become the best doctor the world had ever seen. The love and acceptance that Patroclus experiences here is what allows him to evolve into the man that he later becomes.

In some sense you could say that Patroclus becomes doubly great. Not only because what he himself accomplishes as a doctor and a soldier (he kills the renowned Trojan warrior Sarpedon) but because of the way that he influences and changes Achilles.

Achilles has been told all of his life that he is destined to become a great warrior, a hero. Odysseus himself says that Achilles is “a weapon, a killer. . . . The best that the gods have ever made” (207). Achilles believes that with such conviction that it has blunted his ability to really empathize with other people. He thinks he’s above it all. That’s why he tells Patroclus again and again, when he begs Achilles not to kill Hector because the prophecy says that Achilles will die next, “why should I kill him? He’s done nothing to me” (171). It is the statement of an innocently arrogant person who has never experienced any major pain and believes that he is above it all. He’s struggled to really empathize with others which is why he’s willing to let all the Greek suffer and die while he looks on from the sidelines when King Agamemnon insults him by taking away all of his war prizes. The degree to which Achilles is able to have any kind of compassion is directly a result of his relationship with Patroclus. There is a scene where Achilles approaches Patroclus in the aftermath of a battle. Now just prior to that battle, Patroclus chided Achilles for being an unfeeling, ruthless killing machine. This time however when he approaches Patroclus it is to tell him that he

left one son alive. . . . The eighth son. So that the line would not die’

Strange that such kindness felt like grace. Yet what other warrior would have done as much?. . . . The surviving son would have children, he would give them his family name, and tell their story. They would be preserved, in memory of not in life (254).

Patroclus is the one who is able to give this “Tin Man”, this unfeeling war machine, a heart, and the value of that is so high that Achilles later admits that he would give up everything to have Patroclus with him again. More than that, he agrees with Briseis when she says that she hopes Hector kills him. Without Patroclus and his love, life, for Achilles, isn’t worth living.

The beautiful thing about this book is how it really is all about love. We all need love, in all its forms, to become the best version of ourselves. Patroclus was only able to become the best version of himself because of the love of people like Peleus, Briseis, Chiron, and Achilles. Even Achilles was only able to be the hero that he was because of the love of people like Peleus and Patroclus. Love is so important. It is the soil in which we grow, and what plant doesn’t need the right kind of soil to flourish. Love really is the answer.

[boileddogchicken]

Here it is: The B'rsh Lore/Fun Facts Post!!!

B'rsh grew up in Corvos, with a family structure that would be considered rather unconventional for Seekers of the Sun- though one might assume she is a part of the larger B tribe, her father B'bran and her mother B'zentsa ran off to start a small and quiet family, and decided on Corvos because B'bran's skills as a machinist earned him an invitation to help the G tribe use Allagan technology. For the early years of her life, B'rsh was a menace. She was constantly stealing and trying to prank the adults around her. She was also not very good at getting away with her mischief. Other than getting in trouble all the time, she had a relatively peaceful childhood. At 16, she came out as trans to her parents, and luckily for her, she was surrounded by people who were good at aetherochemistry, so she was able to transition incredibly easily. Unfortunately, life didn't stay bright and happy for long. Up until she was 19, B'rsh and her family had been able to avoid conflict with the occupying Garleans by keeping their heads low. It was at this point, however, that B'bran got into an altercation with a Garlean officer, and was killed over it. This was incredibly hard for B'rsh and B'zentsa, and their relationship soured without B'bran there to serve as a mediator. B'rsh left home at this point and spent several years in Thavnair. When she was 23, she decided to travel back to her childhood home, only to find it destroyed and hear from her former neighbors that her mother had died a year prior. Feeling anger over the fact she was never granted the chance to fix her relationship with B'zentsa, B'rsh took a discarded lance and charged headfirst into a squad of Garleans, and almost died in the process. The only reason she survived is because a viera known as Terraldim Lux, a much more talented lancer than B'rsh at this point in time, saw the commotion and bested the Imperials. Terraldim then proceeded to take B'rsh back to the Lux Sanctum, located in Gridania, which serves as the headquarters for the group known as the Sect of Lux. There, she met Caelestea, the leader of the Sect of Lux, as well as some of the other members of the Sect. She stayed there for roughly a year to recover from her injuries, at which point she joined the lancers guild so that she could learn to fight properly, and proceeded to become a Warrior of Light. Not long after defeating the Ultima Weapon and Lahabrea, she encountered X'rhun Tia, who took B'rsh on as an apprentice red mage, a job she continues to use to this day. On her adventures, she has encountered several Imperials who have been referred to as "Witches" (such as Livia Sas Junius), and in response to this, B'rsh has taken on the title of Witch Vermillion to show them what a real witch can do.

And now, for some fun facts, stream of consciousness style:

B'rsh's voidsent avatar is named Yalm, she named them herself because she thought that name would inspire Yalm to "go the distance"

She likes to challenge her friends to duels in the Wolves' Den, but she loses most of the time

She is currently dating G'raha and [REDACTED] (spoiler character introduced in 6.2)

Her chocobo is hot pink and named Breakfast

She has experience with several jobs, but because her red magic is so important to her that she takes that philosophy with her into any other job, she considers herself a red mage first and foremost

One time she needed to stock up on rations for adventuring and by coincidence she ended up buying a massive supply of raisins- they soon became her favorite food

She wails in terror when she realizes she's about to be hit with an attack she won't be able to dodge (think halo combat evolved elite sounds)

She thinks changing her hairstyle and hair color can solve all her problems (Jandelaine her beloved)

That's all the lore/fun facts for now, but as always feel free to send me an ask if there's anything else u want to know abt B'rsh!

As far as the other WoL's I mentioned, Terraldim belongs to @aldudonk and Caelestea belongs to @divinepeachmaiden !!!

i'm having so much fun being a part of @woltourney and i'm so excited to get to share B'rsh content with everyone!

also, here's a bunch of screenshots from throughout B'rsh's adventure :3

[21ate]

I feel as though you must've spoken about this when it came out, but what is your interpretation of the EMH finale "Introductions" and how it relates to the themes of the audience as an antagonist in EMH as a whole? (If that doesn't appeal to you as a topic, just talk about your interpretation of the finale in general and what it means for the narrative?) <3 Happy 4 years since the finale

wow thanks for the great question!

so, i think that the audience and vinny are very similar in that both perpetuated misery and did so unknowingly. vinny hurt people and we helped it happen just by merely giving it views. those unfortunate enough to go further often met gruesome ends

however, i’m not sure the audience is as much an antagonistic force as vinny is, and that is why it’s important that vinny chooses to give up the camera in the end

sure, we the audience have been “unknowing accomplices” as habit puts it, and yeah…we found entertainment in watching these peoples lives fall apart. we’re enablers as well as a feeding ground for man and habit

but vinny, no matter his intention, no matter the narrative he tries to spin about himself, repeats one simple mistake: broadcasting it for everyone to see

the mere action of doing so dooms everyone. there’s nothing we the audience can do to stop anything. we’re the spawn that just keeps growing, existing for creatures like habit and man to feed on. and they do so through people like vinny

i don’t think vinny learning his lesson after death is meant to be ironic, that it’s meaningless because in a hypothetical next iteration he’ll just forget, rinse and repeat forever. i think this is the only way to begin undoing their curse

see, each time the guys die and enter the candleverse, they retain the knowledge of the life they just experienced. when we first see the candleverse gang, we see the guys speculating about what’s about to happen prior to the the emh iteration beginning

these guys have come from the princeton iteration, so their knowledge of what’s going on is limited by their experience up to that point. which is frankly just a lot of misery and no explanation

except… princeton vinny was told the answer in tape 3. so when he died, candleverse vinny already had a good idea how the next iteration would play out. he knew he’d be responsible

in the morse code video, c!vinny seems pretty nonchalant about everything, having learned he’s the center of so many problems. patrick basically told him that he’s just gonna keep fucking up so why bother telling jeff or evan. he doesn’t care that there’s a cameraman watching them, even seeming to invite it

with this in mind i don’t believe c!jeff and c!evan truly knew the extent of the problem until they found each other again during the emh iteration. at this point they now would know about their roles, and we know they eventually figure out that by watching we are contributing to the problem (the ghost tweet telling us to stop watching, posted by evan and jeff from the candleverse)

thus, i believe that what vinny says about the camera in the end is significant:

“we don’t need it”

evan and jeff (and steph by default) already know that; it’s not something they struggle with. if we believe vin has changed then why include them when he’s the main instigator?

obviously it’s because he’s referring to the audience as well. he’s cutting us off, saying we don’t need to see the rest

this is a change in attitude from the c!vinny we saw back in the morse code video

sure, maybe this doesn’t rectify their problem entirely, but it’s an important step forward. just like any trauma or addiction, recovery is a journey and it starts with admitting you have a problem, which vinny does; and he takes it a step further by swearing off the camera. cold turkey.

man this isn’t even mentioning the implications of the north star but i’ve been trying to answer this ask for long enough so maybe i’ll do that separately

anyways thanks again and pls id love any follow up questions!

[soundwavefucker69]

I reblogged this without tags but storytime.

I came out around 2016 or so. Kalvin Garrah was at the height of his career. There were so many truscum on Twitter. I ended up garnering around 2000 Twitter followers.

At the time, I was out as a binary trans man. However, I was terrified and hiding it. I was still on my dad's insurance and had only heard stories of people being denied Medicaid. I thought it was impossible to get, even though looking back, I almost certainly qualified, but the fearmongering about the insane qualifications you had to have for Medicaid prevented me from even applying.

My dad, when I first came out as bisexual with a girlfriend at the age of 18, two years prior, locked himself in his bedroom and got into his gunsafe. I heard it and panicked, and thus did my first suicide attempt, bc I would rather die by my own hand than die by my father's. This experience was still fresh in my mind, and naturally, I did not want to medically transition and risk being kicked off insurance.

Because I was out as a trans man and not transitioning, and took special care with my appearance because I worked part time at Hot Topic and had to look the part, the truscum community turned on me. Multiple harassment campaigns happened. I was treated like dirt. Other trans people spammed me with images of self harm because I was open about my history with it. And I don't mean pictures of healed scars. I mean open, gaping wounds. Some prominent truscum creators dogpiled me with thousands upon thousands of mobilized followers.

All because I was not in a financial position to transition and had to dress fashionably for my job.

I wasn't using neopronouns. I wasn't stargender or anything like that. I wasn't even nonbinary. I was just a binary trans man unable to transition.

I went back into the closet for years. I convinced myself I was every identity under the fucking sun before I came back full circle to being a binary trans man. I didn't start medically transitioning until I was 25.

This community harmed me deeply. It left deep, throbbing scars on me. Nowadays, I see nonbinary people on TikTok proudly proclaim they were truscum and laugh it off as part of their "journey" and remember what they did to me. I do not forgive them. I used to put out cigarettes on my arms and stomach to cope.

When I see questions like these asked, I think. It's good to see that there is overwhelming support for people that choose not to transition. That's good. I'm glad our community has grown and matured.

But, for the people who still think you have to medically transition: who do you catch in the crossfire? Who are you hurting in the meantime? What do you gain from policing a community?

This isn't to say my experiences are more important than those who do not or cannot medically transition. I'm just saying to current transmedicalists: who are you trampling on to sanitize our community for the cis gaze? Who are you hurting?

At the end of the day, I can't change how anyone thinks. But, I do know, that even though I do not forgive these reformed truscum that joke about how they nearly drove me to suicide, that think it's all okay now because they learned and grew, if it came down to it, I would still march for them. I would still protect them. I would still stand up for them.

Can any of you transmedicalists say you would protect a non passing trans woman who you don't really think is on estrogen from a cis man stalking her down a dimly lit road because you think she isn't really trans and therefore does not deserve your care and compassion? And would you be able to live with yourselves when her body winds up on the news?

Like/reblog if you think that you don't need to medically transition to be transgender

[1800duckhotline]

Im posting this separately so maybe if others want to see it they can but, I'm assuming this refers to Kuobakhaya and Adele (the girls i posted last night)

IT'S KIND OF FUNNY BECAUSE THEY... DON'T really court each other. It's mostly because of funny circumstances. I have to really get in the mind zone to be detailed but what I could grasp of their dynamic for now is that Bakhya is someone who gets infatuated fairly easily; she has a tendency to find attractive people who look Mysterious And Cool and who happen to be alt, often times (due to being surrounded by that kind of crowd a lot as a young adult). unfortunately this tendency to fall head over heels easily for others has a remarkable history of getting Bakhya in horrid relationships - at least, the last three boyfriends she's had ended up being all three terribly horrible, for a myriad of different reasons each, but still awful nonetheless. So she's still shaken up psychologically by the idea of committing to someone romantically again; especially since her last two boyfriends were particularly vicious and left her with an even poorer sense of self - whatever she had left of it before meeting them, at least. [I have yet to re-elaborate all her past relationships, but suffice to say the first ever boyfriend affected her in a way that was less outright abusive and more a bunch of sad circumstances.]

Adele happens to fit the definition of Mysterious And Cool And Alt for the most part, however this isn't something she does on purpose... her circumstances are... kind of peculiar, and that's why she's like that. The best way to put it is that she is a bird-like creature within a human's body, and her purpose in life is to navigate and learn human emotions the best she can. She is unfamiliar with romance, but not at all against indulging it, also because for her it's just a new experience altogether. Adele has a basic definition of it in her head, and vaguely knows the ins and outs of it by watching TV shows and movies and reading of it from time to time. Though it is a rare occurrence for her, since she works as an assassin for as long as she can remember.

So it's kind of awkward when Bakhya actively starts trying to catch Adele's attention - do keep in mind it's important to remember Bakhya also thought herself heterosexual until like, basically meeting Adele. She had suspicions before because admittedly, any man that isn't Tisha makes her feel uneasy by default, but getting to know Adele basically confirmed it and she's so awkward but in a like, endearing way because she's discovering something she never thought possible and it's a nice thing among the rest of her otherwise instabilities in life (her being a recovering drug addict who is also an immigrant to England). Bakhya tries to do things for Adele that she knows can be of help, like mending her clothes or trying to make her food if she comes visit, or showing her movies she likes and showing her around town (the places she thinks are important at least).

Bakhya isn't outright pampering Adele like some kind of mother, just showing signs that she's interested in her beyond like, casual conversation, and her love language is usually acts of service at first (if genuine, an habit instilled by unfortunate past circumstances - Kuobakhaya definitely has a fear of abandoment).

Adele is... interesting, because she may not be used to societal customs like we may be but she can catch on things fairly quickly; she has a sharp mind and is good at putting puzzle pieces together. I think at first she would be content with letting Bakhya fuss over her a little, without taking advantage of it, just enough to send the message that "this is nice and I appreciate it". Being as curious as she is, Adele likely ends up reading books about courting and how romantic interactions work prior to dating. But it's a very slow burn, because Adele's feelings develop much much slower as she is literally learning from start to finish how emotions work.

What she does to reciprocate Bakhya's acts of service are generally acts of physical affection because it comes very natural to Adele. The most obvious thing is that Adele quite literally preens Bakhya, or at least, the human equivalent to it, but she loves brushing Bakhya's hair and helping her wash it. Adele also is very casual with hugs, which she does very often when she's with Kuobakhaya (which is otherwise something Bakhya isn't used to but loves even if she's shy to admit it, she's severely touch starved) because she enjoys how Bakhya is Very Very warm compared to herself ...

Also Adele is very blunt, and speaks matter-of-factly basically which helps Bakhya be less paranoid and worried first of all . Second of all the compliments she pays to Bakhya tend to make the latter explode in fluster ghgfnffgjfkfm

THIS GOT SO FUCKING LONG I JUST HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS I haven't even touched on half of them. Basically they court each other Yes and No due to one of them being very hurt from past relationships and trying not to rush anything in order not to hurt again, and the other being new to romance, even if she accomodates the feeling she wants to make sure it's genuine before making it serious.

Also Tisha is very overprotective of Bakhya but he won't say a word of it, even if he finds Adele annoying for various reasons. They're both in their 30s and his little sister can do whatever she wants. BUT it makes for funny awkward situations

[unboxedreflections]

MAN'S GOTTA' DREAM

On the back of the milestones I mentioned last entry, I was able to come so far that I was confident and lucky enough to take some huge steps towards my career aspirations. 

All the factors I have mentioned and practices I’ve put in place through my first five entries came into play and combined to help open so many more doors than I even had access to before starting my internships. 

For example, at the start of this year, I had set myself a goal and dream to commentate footy and begin to pursue a career in sports broadcasting after thoroughly enjoying the sports broadcasting subject and mentoring with Brett Phillips last year. However, I never even could begin to comprehend doing what I ended up doing, earlier this year, prior to my internships and big journey, I just thought I’d call the odd game for the VAFA, volunteering on their live stream platforms. Little did I know I would end up calling the entire second half of the season for SEN radio, getting paid to broadcast my home league the West Gippsland Football Netball Competition (WGFNC), a dream of mine. This simply would not have been possible without the learnings I got from doing my internships, the belief in myself I had built after working and thriving in the professional space, allowed me to back myself in and take a huge step in my journey towards my career dreams. By the end of the year, I was co-hosting the coverage and was the co-main caller for the WGFNC Grand Final, which my home club won, a day I will never forget in my career. 

Here's a video, I made for an assignment, with highlights from the game and the call notes I took the night prior. I got a D on this assignment from Dav.

(Box, 2023)

As for further goals from here, I now aspire to take on any role with confidence and know that I will absolutely adjust to whatever work environment and culture I’m faced with and do the required tasks to the best of my ability. My plan is to look to embark on an entry-level role to gain as much experience as I can, as I am aware that regardless of how much I have learnt and how far I’ve come, I am still a fresh face a ‘rookie’ in the industry. My goal is to land this entry-level job and continue commentating through the WGFNC season next year to ensure I am still sharpening my craft in that area as it is the one I have the greatest aspirations to end up in as a long-term career. I am happy to take this slowly though as I realise broadcasting is much like playing the game itself, you don’t wake up and become Lance Franklin overnight, years of work must be applied to the craft and that’s exactly what I plan to do. I am eternally grateful for my experience at Rainmaker which has shown me and opened my eyes to the back end of sports production, which is invaluable to any sports broadcaster, there’s not a single sporting broadcast I watch or listen to know where I am not thinking about how it’s being produced or pointing out any errors, or good little titbits. Because of this, and how highly I value the production side, along with how much I enjoyed it, I definitely see myself working in production down the track and would love to return to SEN/Rainmaker to do so. Ultimately, my goal to is gain as much knowledge as I can in a 5-10-year period along with growing my connection base and reputation to eventually go into freelancing when I feel I’m best qualified, and travel the world taking broadcasting, production, or media jobs at different events. 

These goals, although lofty and potentially far-fetched, are vital to my career as planning out a career and setting goals have been proven to deeply impact the welfare and success of youths both through their schooling and in the workforce (Choi et al., 2015). As a transitioning university graduate, this is really interesting and important to me as I value mental planning and goal setting very highly and this is also backed by research by Villares and Brigman (2018) who found it to be an essential factor in the success of a graduate’s early career.  

[apas-95]

Hello. Can you please give me some pointers how to understand why Stalin(I feel situation was more complicated) did all that executing repressions in 1937? Where do I need to start digging?

I'm reading your blog for a while and I start to realize my understanding of Stalin or Mao Zedong are really fragmented and clouded by red scare propaganda. When I read quotes you posted, if I haven't known they wrote it, I'd agree in most cases.

I know you describe many historical situation in depth and with understanding. I read your great fanine in 1931-1933 and holodomor discussion, and it was really good. I researched it a few years ago and my sources show similar stuff.

And thanks for writing about inter imperialist war and reasons, it helped me with understanding of current situation. Propaganda got me for a moment I'm afraid, very hard to turn off emotions and think of it... Read to much reddit nonsense first days, and couldn't point out what felt off until I read your analysis. Thanks

In the period prior to Stalin taking leadership, the USSR had been taking a soft hand towards backwards elements in society. In The Tax In Kind, Lenin explains how the policy of the USSR had to be to work with the petty-bourgeoisie, and capitalist experts, rather than attempting to do away with them entirely.

Because the proletariat were a progressive class, they had history on their side. As time went on, the proletariat's position would grow stronger, and the capitalist position would grow weaker. Despite the proletariat seizing state power, the petty-bourgeoisie still had a lot of sway in the Russian economy. If the communists made enemies of them, it would mean the suffering and deprivation of the wartime would continue, and the revolution could even be overthrown. It was decided that, because the small-producers were so deeply embedded in society and production, it would be best to appease them somewhat, so they wouldn't form a very entrenched enemy. If done correctly, they would not only not inhibit socialism, but they could even be a massive force pushing socialism forwards - just as with the peasantry, another middle class that expected certain privileges above the proletariat.

In addition, the intelligentsia was an extremely important element of socialist construction. The proletariat had no experience of managing production, of organising a state, or of running a military. For this reason, capitalist experts were allowed to keep their privileged positions, to manage enterprises and even exploit workers, because, in the long run, it would pay off - because the proletariat would learn from them, and gain their experience. Because the proletariat had history on its side, it could take the long road, taking a small hit now to make a large gain later. In military matters, too, many pre-revolutionary capitalist military experts were employed. The USSR was entirely aware that these military experts were untrustworthy. They were, at best, turncoats, but their expertise was indispensable in building an army.

However, the situation changed. After Lenin's passing, the geopolitical situation developed: Nazi Germany began amassing for war, explicitly war against the USSR. It planned a genocidal conquest of the east, its 'Generalplan Ost', considering the Slavic peoples subhuman, and communism a Jewish plot. On the latter, the western powers of Europe agreed, and refused to form an anti-Nazi alliance with the USSR, because they hoped Germany would take care of the communist problem - the exact same reason the German liberals had allowed the Nazi party to grow to such power, to oppose a growing communist movement.

Clearly, preparing for war - and, moreso, a war waged by fascists, which finds its base of power in the middle classes - the existing strategy was untenable. Those turncoat military experts could be trusted so long as they were kept in an academy, teaching tactics, but leading a war? Definitely not. The appeasement of the peasantry and other middle classes needed to take second importance to ensuring wartime production, just as it had during the period of 'War Communism' that had preceded the tax in kind. The backwards elements needed to be removed, and production safeguarded.

For the latter, collectivisation was enforced. It was a much more efficient and equitable system - but it created strong resentment within the peasantry, who expected to own their own farms, and to make money from selling their produce. For the former... a disenfranchised middle class, downwardly-mobile and having lost a former class status and elevated position in society - it was the textbook base for fascism. While many bourgeois managers and bureaucrats could simply be stripped of their position, placed among the proletariat, this would not be tenable for all. The top capitalist military experts (and some opposition factions), if they were allowed to remain alive, could easily form the basis of a Nazi collaborator movement.

Much like with the Romanovs, if the proletariat had complete omnipotence, it would have been preferable to simply demote or detain these people. However, the proletariat did not have complete power, and, in times of war, must expect to be forced to contest the reactionaries for power. A political figure for enemies of the workers to rally around could not be allowed to emerge, and that could not be ensured unless they were completely removed from the equation. The amount of executions in the purges is exaggerated, but many did happen. It's no coincidence they happened immediately before WW2.

These purges allowed the USSR to survive the Nazi invasion and genocide. They had this positive side, but also obviously had a negative side - nobody wants death if they can avoid it. In the long term, the purges also had the negative effect of curtailing the economic development that the New Economic Plan was advancing. Along with collectivisation, the USSR had pivoted strongly away from the light industry of the NEP, towards the heavy industry required to build the tanks and aircraft necessary to survive the war. This resulted in a dearth of consumer goods in the later USSR, which contributed to discontent among the people, especially in contrast to the Coca-Cola, fast fashion, and TVs of the west.

As you said, the situation was complicated. Such is the nature of governing a country. Thank you for the compliment, I'm glad my analyses are appreciated!