#How long can I spend on one thing?
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[It appears Acrylic is setting something up...]
#Dee art#Undertale Equiverse#UTEV#Undertale Multiverse#UTMV AU#Dreamtale Au#Acrylic!Ink#Sneakpeak#How long can I spend on one thing?#Many years#The answer is many years my friends#Hopefully I get this done soon though LOL
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Hehe nice to see you're trying to get back into writing, Holly!! Can I request Reo Mikage from Blue Lock and the word "promise", please? Take your time!!
please, i've been trying to get back into it for months but my brain just won't let me (the way i procrastinated starting the timer for this was embarassing). i fear no man, but that thing [blank page], it scares me /silly
in any case, i hope you can enjoy this little thing my two braincells came up with!! also, how are you doing, my dear? ♡
𝐑𝐞𝐨 𝐌𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐠𝐞 - 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐞
It was easy to lose yourself, to lose sight of the person you wanted to be. Reo knew this well. Not only had his upbringing always been overshadowed with the certainty of the future his parents wanted for him, but even in the sport that had given him freedom for a long time, he found that pretending to be someone he was not was still his strong suit. Countless nights had been spent staring at the ceiling as thoughts about who he was and who he was supposed to be tossed and turned in his head.
Those doubtfilled hours, however, were in the past. Despite what he was led to believe early in his life, sometimes being yourself simply was enough and could lead you down the best paths. The sleek silver band around his fourth finger was a steady reminder of this.
It wasn’t a wedding ring, nor an engagement ring. No, not yet. But it signified the promise you made to him, to love him for who he was, no matter what the world would throw at you, and that made it just as valuable to him. At this point, taking it off felt unfamiliar, his finger used to the gentle pressure of the jewellery. And in the rare case that he absolutely couldn’t wear it on his hand, he had bought a matching necklace chain he could loop it through. Dumb as it sounded, he just couldn’t bear to be away from the thing -and the reassurance it brought- anymore.
Familiar fingers intertwined with his, a matching ring twinkling up at him. You had once scolded him not to spend money carelessly on you, but as he ran his thumb over the worn metal, no part of him considered this purchase unnecessary. Even so, he should probably replace this ring with the one waiting in his bedside drawer soon.
After all, Reo had quite a few promises for you too.
1 character, 1 word, 11 minutes
masterlist
#┊holly’s potions ೃ༄#1 character 1 word 11 minutes#┊✩彡 cherished guests ♡#┊✩彡 letter from — ember ♡#me: it's one word how hard can it be to decide on a prompt#also me: *spends way too long on deciding on a prompt and then ending up at promise rings*#listen there's a lot of things you can promise#also i'm not caught up with the bllk manga (and reo has been pretty absent for a while for me)#so i hope i didn't butcher his characterisation too badly#but he is an overthinker to me someone reassure this guy#also i'm changing it to 11 minutes bc funny (also my favourite number)#blue lock#x reader#bllk#blue lock x reader#bllk x reader#reo mikage#reo x reader#reo mikage x reader#bllk reo
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hey this isn’t aimed at anyone in particular but I’m saying it for the record here: if I tell you no, please stop messaging me about fundraisers and mutual aid.
I get enough messages that it’s impossible for me to keep up without devoting at least half an hour each day, when I’m not even on tumblr that long most days. Me having a boundary about this isn’t a moral failing, it’s a lifeboat for me on my own blog.
In my personal life I’m already advocating and donating literally as much as I can spare. This is not me not caring, it’s just me not willing to interact with that on the one place I go online to not interact with irl news and world events for the most part.
I cannot be upset all the time. I cannot be upset everywhere. I cannot use all my emotional and mental energy fielding my own upset from ongoing events. My options are to hold boundaries about this or stop coming online at all.
I’m all for sharing information and signal boosting to reasonable extents, but the scale of it this year is so large and so enduring that it is literally not possible to for me to participate on every account I have. I’ve previously shared links to Gaza eSIM donations and a major hub of verified Go Fund Mes here and elsewhere online. We, the online humans, know how to look those things up ourselves by now. There are many, many people choosing to do advocacy work, and right now, I can’t be one of them.
If you’re extremely upset when I tell you I can’t share/donate right now about a Gaza family or personal fundraiser you ask me to share here, just unfollow and block me. That’s what those buttons are for. Protect your own emotions and energy and get me off your feed instead of staying upset and continuing to engage with online people or content that upsets you.
Please don’t send repeated angry messages based on manufactured purity politics and moral outrage into my messages and inbox when I exercise the right to run my own blog.
#and on that note#I also think some people need to sit down and ask themselves#if their old end times anxieties and fears and preparations and word spreading#haven’t filtered straight into a new non religious end of society and end of modern world order anxiety that they’re pushing on other peopl#even if it is the end times#you cannot change that by beating your own anxieties into other people’s heads#people can care MORE when they are GIVEN ROOM TO BREATHE#first rule of sustainable activism is you can’t do it constantly and you can’t push it on people constantly#you have to pace it and you have have have have HAVE to play long games#short term activism burns you out and if it leads to full despair from burnout it can get you killed via depression#it’s not a joke#there’s a reason your elders have books and community lore about healthy activism even in times of crisis#they lived it. they learned from it. learn from them.#spend your time doing things that can make real impacts.#do little things online but unless you’re an actual information hub you shouldn’t be posting constantly about it#people won’t even want to follow you anymore eventually because that’s not why they followed you#and then you have no audience for your important message anyway.#I know this. I learned it myself on other accounts.#please. stop. harassing me.#how is harassing me going to make me MORE willing to change my mind and post? just because you demanded it?#I am an autonomous person#this is my ONE curated space on the website#you have a multitude of tags and other users#don’t waste energy on a person who already told you no. let’s call that activism rule number two#spend your energy where it’s not likely to be wasted#you’re needed for a long haul#act like it 😭#and stop spamming me 😭#hey little star whatcha gonna queue?
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i loooove when ocs unrealized development makes them feel like real people like no i dont know whether talon is genuinely attracted to women after years of both clinging to them for safety and years of putting them onto that untouchable idealized Perfect Protector Pedestal that must remain untainted by any bad experiences, so he doesn't even try to Be With any. He doesn't know either
#like i heart bisexual men so part of me is like no yeah he does like women. he literally loves women#>what if this is just love as general blind devotion solely on the basis of them not being men#we all know he likes men without much of what would be societal shame but he still grapples with it in that personal way#in the if i like men it means i like them despite what happened to me -> i secretly like what happened to me way#talon like i like men and women but i could never spend my eternal life with a man. as a way to just focus on one thing (finding said women#instead of letting himself think about anything else at all#oc text#ill let it float into my mind but idk because this would mess up his original plot before i kept him#though tbh i want to keep keeping him idk if ill ever let him go back home ykwim. long gone concept at dis point he's mine now. ours#talkys#also this makes things more interesting too in the way of#well it was previously thought that talon has a great interest in [smunker] because of smunkers Body#a sort of unintentional and subconscious rejecting of [smunker's] gender and seeing him#as not a man#now its like. what if its not that. it rly is just sole attraction to men because well al is also a pretty feminine guy#views challenged because no‚ men one way (bad) and women another way (good)#but theres TWO guys here who exhibit femininity so he's like wait hold onnnnnn waittttt#that subconscious conflict still exists though in the fearing al (at first) due to his body and both terrorizing and clinging to [smunker]#because of his#the terrorizing because talon sees his original self in smunker (weak and youthful‚ cherubic‚ naive)#theres so many layerssss#anyway yes. loving women as in of course i love women. beautiful and they keep me safe#but not in any way further than that... i love them i can and will kiss them and do much more but it doesnt feel The Same#i dont think i actually even have any fully gay guy characters [EXCEPT MAYBE THE SELF? LMAO IDK] bc i love bisexual men so much#groundbreaking...#wait sorry more oc rambling this actually would also make sense too because how i imagine talon with women is exaggerated#complete personality change to be pleasant and pliable and you can do whatever you want to me#when its also known that the reason he ''acts out'' with al and [smunker] is because he feels safe enough to drop any and all masks to do s#hmmmmmmmm i must keep thinking
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Ef's moment of respite at the bottom of the Mariana Trench from amazing story Falling Falling Stars by @not-poignant
#new#my art#I planned a lot of things#but now I am kinda numb emotionally#cause sister's nearly divorce crises and her husband being my best coworker#and me not managing my talks in my head lol#soooo I don't think I will draw anything for a long time#rip plans but life always happens#and maybe it a good thing#anyways#oh how I enjoyed drawing this one!#I've never drew anything bigger than like 2k pixels#and this one was meant to be printed on A3+#and the first time I did the right size for it I was like WHAT? DO? YOU? MEAN?#when I am at 100% it's only one rock at my whole screen#but then I figured out that like... I can draw details ten times moooooore#spending 8hours on one roooock!!!#MORE SPACE#and I dont know shit about proffesional stuff with exposition and placement and shadows and colours#so details everywhere as I go#and I love to think that the portal to the lake with antlers bars is portal to Augus' lake#and I wanted water snails and knitted jelly fish and kinda blanket but water themed so it's a big algue piece#and it just piled up#and the colours feel was the most relaxing thing to look at all the time#yeah#really proud of this one
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give a boy a mechanical pencil and art kit and see what he does with it. (i made my own fucked up tsukasa paper squishy)
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you can see the stuffing sticking out and theres a lot of wonky stuff abt it but uhm. that is something i do need to fix but i just Dont Care right now. Who is tsukasa tenma if he isnt weird and ugly. /aff on the first night with him i kept throwing him around and squeezing the life out of him bcs 1. Fun 2. got too excited so its pretty much my fault.
#why spend 60usd on a tsukasa neso when you can just make ur own..#i already have a tsukasa plushie i just needed to stop myself from giving into the urge to order his new one#and you know what it worked i like this big eyed one more#i made a mistake with his vest and used my pen instead of my color pencils for that but whatever#lets see how long he survives#being serious hes messed up all over already but that makes me love the little thing more#i think this took ~3 hours to make but only because i Could not sit still and was trying so hard to not multitask#tsukasa tenma#tenma tsukasa#my art#or should i say#my creation#little weird creature#prsk#pjsk#random#wxs#wxs tsukasa#yapping in tags is my fav thing ever
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MP100 AU in which everything is almost the same but Mukai and Shou are siblings
#can you imagine their dynamic#toichiro expects shou to be his heir but mukai is already a scar at age 11#his little sister being harmed and turned into a scar by his own father must be one of the things that made shou change his mind#he is disapproving of mukai's stay at claw but. she is younger and spent much more time with those terrorists#her relationship with the 7th division was much stronger than shou's with the entire headquarters#even though mukai likes tsuchiya more#I could even dare to say tsuchiya became mukai's elder sibling figure when shou wasn't around#and a positive female figure overall when her mom left#mukai spends a LONG time thinking 'hmm shou doesn't know how fun this actually is... what a killjoy'#until the events of the 7th division arc#when she immediately wants to see him after she and tsuchiya leave claw#wait so this means. tsuchiya dealing with two messed up ginger kids + one of them's lackeys#also toichiro ordered claw members to set fire on mukai's sacred tree because he was close enough to her to know what she cared about#WHAT you are doing to your kids man#imagine being such a bad father both your children turn on you#either way. bizarre suzuki dynamics 2: why is that child here#mp100#mob psycho 100#shou suzuki#mukai kirari#lalá rambling...
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You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.
But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?
because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)
#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting.#Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project.#peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance.#me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away.#take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me.#sci speaks#I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually.#all my relationships have been. pretty short.#and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t.#a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak.#but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing.#because I really don’t know.#I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days.#I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely.#I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time.#and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it.#it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything.#I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless.#but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no
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Tumblr isn't letting me find again @fictionadventurer's and my own posts on epistolary novels, but I have been thinking about it again, because I fell down a Goodreads review rabbit hall and I have thoughts again.
So many people dislike the style, and honestly, I don't blame them, because it's so often done... not well. It is in some aspects, a deceptively easy one, and in others, deceptively hard. And because I'm trying to write a novel with this format myself, I have been thinking about what makes or breaks an epistolary novel.
I talked yesterday about TGLPPS, because it is an interesting case to analyze. I have thought many times about it, and cannot think of a single non-merely-aesthetic reason for it to be told in an epistolary style. A lot of it depends on -British- people who have survived some terrible war conditions willingly opening up to a stranger about their experiences, and that's made... even more difficult if the medium is letters? typically writers will appeal to tropes like making the reserved character drunk, or have them share an extreme experience in isolation with the stranger to create sudden intimacy. None of this is possible in writing; if anything, one is much more self-conscious about the things one writes than the things one says; verba volant, scripta manent.
It seems to me the story would have flowed much more naturally if Juliet had been stranded on Guernsey for some reason -like the first author herself!- suddenly Dawsey commenting that he got a book from her library makes so much more sense! Yes, certainly, if you met a stranger out there, and they introduce themselves and you realize you have a book that once belonged to them, you would tell them so! And it is in this way that the epistolary format does violence to a story that would otherwise sound much less contrived.
Another problem is the large cast of characters and multiple settings. For all I complain about Dracula, Stoker manages this pretty well (of course he has the model of The Woman in White, but TWiW has fewer povs), at least on the first half, because structurally the storylines of the characters are converging, and that does a lot to guide the reader in the understanding of the character's relationships. TGLPPS's relationship structure is more of a multidirectional flow chart, and that becomes confusing really fast.
Another novel I read reviews for recently is one set in WWI, composed of back and forth letters between two lovers torn apart by war, and one common complaint was... that the climactic scenes, the times they meet, etc all happen... off-camera. It is a fair complaint, but also one I cannot really blame the author for, because that's what usually happens with real life compilations of letters of that kind. Sure, usually the editor/compiler will fill in the blanks sometimes and add an epilogue of sorts explaining what happened afterwards, and that is possible if you are writing it fictionally too, but some may think it spoils the effect of immediacy and whatnot, which, fair too.
But it makes me think of how aware Jean Webster was of these difficulties, and how deftly she managed them in both Daddy Long-Legs and Dear Enemy. Both novels have aged badly in terms of content and message, but they are very interesting stylistically.
DLL is a bildungsroman with a dash of romance; through Judy's letters to daddy long-legs we can see how she grows as a person, gaining independence intellectually and economically, and as a writer, as her grammar and vocabulary change and grow. Between making Judy an orphan who hates the orphanage where she has lived her whole life, and one where she lived past the usual age of being thrown into the world, Webster does away with the need for letters between Judy and her friends and family: all her friends and family are her college roommates and her benefactor, who is the person she writes to. The benefactor scheme also makes it so that she doesn't have to write dll's replies, which in turns makes it much more natural and acceptable for the reader when Judy writes him the ending's love letter describing the feelings and impressions of their finally meeting in person and in truth; Judy has become a writer, and she is so used to write to him as another person all the time, that it just makes sense for her to write to him one more letter at the point where her benefactor and her lover become one and the same person. She has written a novel where the core is the correspondence between lovers AND managed to include as well all the moments of their meetings that we would otherwise miss.
Dear Enemy is a similar, but longer and more ambitious story. Instead of one relationship-connection (Judy and Daddy's), we have Sallie as a nod of connections: she's Judy's friend, Jarvis' "employee", the boss of several characters, has a tense colleague-boss relationship with the visiting doctor, a boyfriend of sorts in Washington, and a family we have met before. It is, in that way, a similar setup to TGLPPS: a urban girl of means becomes a fish out of water in a different setting till she ends up assimilating to it, and settling definitely through marriage. But Webster does a few things differently to make it click.
For starters, it is clear to her that this is the story of Sallie's maturation -I have sometimes talked of Dear Enemy as a novel where a Mary Crawford-like character undergoes a transformation arc. The happenings and stories she meets and tells Judy about along the way serve this arc, besides standing on their own as case studies to illustrate the problems, ideology and solutions proposed to the secondary themes of the story (education and social reform). I feel like TGLPPS is much more interested in Guernsey's survival through the war, in which case Juliet's story is already a frame, which, again, makes the epistolary format cumbersome rather than complementary.
Dear Enemy adds more correspondents, but it is very austere/economical with them, and narrows the letters we see to only those Sallie sends. YMMV regarding if it was too much cutting or not, but the undeniable effect is structural soundness; you are never confused by what is happening or who is writing to whom. We can guess the Honorable Cyrus Wykoff probably wrote some indignant letters to Jervis, and those would be funny to read, but... would they be worth the break in the flow of the narrative? I don't think so. To this effect, just having Sallie write a line to the effect of "I expect at this point you have at hand an irate letter from the Hon. Cyrus" is enough to paint a picture for the reader. Perhaps a letter or two from Dr. MacRae would have helped develop his character more -definitely a first read of the story obscures how much misdirection there is in Sallie's narration to Judy, which in turns tends to create an impression of suddenness to the closing letter that doesn't come across well to the reader.
The choice of Sallie mainly writing to Judy is, IMO, a really good one too. It not only establishes a connection with DLL, but it also allows for the intimacy that makes disclosure believable (something TGLPPS struggles with, as I mentioned above). When you add a few letters to the doctor and Gordon and Jervis, you also get a better perspective of Sallie's personality, how she deals not only with a friend, but with acquaintances, romantic partners and coworkers.
From all this it is pretty evident that for Webster the main function of epistolarity as format is aiding in showing psychological and moral development. But that's not the only thing the format can be really good for: perspective is another, and Austen uses it to great effect in both Lady Susan and Lesley Castle.
Both stories deal with mainly static characters, but who have very strong perspectives of the same situation, and it is this singularity of setting and story that anchors the narrative to avoid confusion, while the variety of perspective brings interest. In Lady Susan, we are dealing mainly with the marrying off of Frederica and seduction of Mrs. Vernon's brother, Reginald. There where Lady Susan paints Frederica as an undisciplined, irrational and ungrateful daughter, her sister in law, Mrs. Vernon, paints her as a sweet girl and a victim of her mother's ruthlessness and lack of love. Both agree that Reginald is being seduced, but, of course, with opposite goals: Lady Susan wants him to succumb, Mrs. Vernon, to escape, and this is a delicious struggle for the reader to follow!*
Lesley Castle being an earlier effort, and unfinished, does show some of the defects I have mentioned before (mainly, the relative confusion of having several correspondents in separate storylines), but illustrates well this same perspective effect: Margaret writes to Charlotte about the new Lady Lesley, and the new Lady Lesley writes to Charlotte about about Margaret and her sister... and in these contrasts lies the main interest of the narrative.
Some conclusions to these musings, then:
Not every story is suited to the epistolary format.
The epistolary format seems to work the best when it is used for either A) showcase psychological and moral development B) to play with perspective on people and/or events.
One of the main difficulties of the format is finding a narrative element to anchor and structure the letters around.
It must have a core couple of correspondents, or at most, two. More than that will make it confusing (unless, perhaps, the story is very short and about a single event or two).
A delicate balance must be found so that the secondary correspondence doesn't cut the flow of the main one, and if possible it must feed into it.
*It is interesting how Love and Friendship, being such a delightful -and I sustain one of the best ever- Austen adaptation, is by force of the perspective switch towards a more impersonal third person, more about a love story between Frederica and Reginald than a struggle between Lady Susan and Mrs. Vernon. Which isn't dissimilar to how adaptations of DLL end up being more about the romance between the leads than Judy's coming of age in college; tropes aside, I feel like if the epistolary format is well embedded in the story, it's going to be nearly impossible to reproduce the effect in adaptation.
#writing#epistolary novels#Jane Austen#Jean Webster#Daddy Long-Legs#Lady Susan#Dear Enemy#Lesley Castle#Thinking about Percival and Nadine of course#and how in the end it is trying to be both a psychological and a perspective story#And that might be more than I can chew#But the story is definitely about growth and change in the main character and love interest#And perspective seems so necessary too#Eleanor is the last person alive Percival feels responsibility for#Of course he'd write to her in a light way with jokes and anecdotae#so that she doesn't worry about him#whereas in day to day life he does not have the energy to behave so towards others around him#and both things are important to understand him!#It's the other way around with Nadine#she keeps the cheery façade IRL but can relax when she writes to Beth#And both seem so necessary to me!#But then there *are* things neither tells to anyone and those I'm struggling hard with#I have considered adding journal entries as well back and forth#and remain unconvinced one way or another#anyways this is the way I'll spend 10 years writing an 80 page novelette at this point XD
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recent things and such~
#photo diary#image 1 - kind of interesting lacy looking clouds. Image 2 - pinky purple sunset stuff#image 3 - These REALLY cool flowers I saw in a field ? growing wild so like.. weeds I guess. but I like the color of them and how the#petals are small and layered. Image 4 & 5 - More recent hair growth progress. I still think it will never get much longer because#it's been basically the same lenght for multiple years now BUT I do feel like maybe it's getting like... just the tiniest bit longer?? Just#not as obvious of progress as the first few years. Like now if I take it out of the braids and actually hold it so it goes straight down th#very tips of the hair on one side goes down to the tip of my pointer finger. and on the other side goes a little past my thumb. and I#remember maybe last year or two years ago it was only to my knuckles or like midway down my thumb. so.. perhaps it's not reached a#maximum genetic possible length just YET as I'd thought it had maybe lol.. perhaps I could slowly gain a cenitmeter or two#here and there gjbjh.. Unfortunately incredibly doubtful it will ever be down to my knees though as I had wished. oh well.#image 6 - writing again... as always... Slowly chipping away... And looking for ways to make it go faster lol. The original premise was 8#main characters with 6 quests for each. Then it was 5 with 6 quests. Now it's 4 with 4 quests each. And even that I'm like hmm... what#about having only 3... so it could be done faster... lol.. I think mostly just because I have no gaurantee of investment. So it's like#I could spend years and years doing 500.000+ words of writing and then have about 3 people total actually play the game and nobody cares#and nothing ever comes of it. You know? So I have to balance that somehow. And rather that put out the 100% complete version#be putting out like 'here's ENOUGH of it for you to see what the concept is and what it's like. and IF theres any investment then I#can put in the effort to finish the few bits that I left in more of a preview form'' type of thing. And then it's like.. well if I'm#limiting the initial scope anyway - how much is enough to cut away? and how much would be TOO much? etc. etc. I'm pretty sure I#already have it down to a balanced minimum but some days when I'm very stressed over my ability to actually finish anything I'm like..#ehhhh..maybe I could make another main character into a side character.. as a treat lol..#image 7 - cabbage noodle beef stir fry sort of thing. As usual I kind of cook the beef too long because I'm afraid of getting sick if it's#underdone despite preferring medium rare steak lol.. Funnily because usually making something at home has the advantage of you#being able to do it Exactly The Way You Like It whereas me cooking meat is often like.. ah yes.. the worse way that I dont even like. love#to make a tough chewy anxiously overcooked protein puck for myself. :3 Images 8 - 10 -- various plants from the deck. though#some of these pictures are old and they're no longer alive lol.. Most of my plants actually do live through the winter because I#painstakingly move them inside and outside and inside and outside depending on the temperatures. But sometimes.. one cannot#help but be lost. Especially the temperature change sometimes can make them more prone to mold and stuff. and humidity is#hard to control indoors. There's always one or two that deteriorate despite my best efforts. But that's better than every single one of the#dying because they alll freeze when it gets to 20F one night and I left them outside or something lol#ANYWAY.. hrm.. still working on friend quiz thing... and sculptures.. and videos maybe?? costumes... rghhhghhrrr.. (< to do list angst)
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much love to the (multiple) mutuals i’ve seen agony posting on this fine new year’s day my heart is with you all in spirit 🎉🎉 the pain is incredible but this too will change
#i think i got through all my own angst after having a full on melt down spiraling panic attack and hiding in my room for approximately#92% of christmas day 👍#sucked ass btw. do not recommend#i hate this time of year and all these (northern hemisphere) winter holidays in particular#because it always feels like there’s So Many expectations to Be Happy!! Love Your Family!!! Become A Fresh New You!!!!!#which ime never fucking works. sorry for being a bitch but the harder you push me to get into#The Christmas Spirit the grouchier and more depressed i get#you don’t have to change everything Right Now. you don’t have to fix yourself by the end of january#you have a lifetime to figure that shit out and it’s your goddamn right to spend that time on your own goddamn terms#i appreciate all of you 🫶#and i like having you around#sigh. 1 am somewhat incoherency pardon if i’m making little sense#i think i’m just over trying to find the One True Solution that will fix me and make me a perfect new person#that never has any conflict with anyone and never does embarrassing shit i’m ashamed of or fucks up by not being an#omniscient emotionless robot#i’ll hold onto the smaller goals if only because ‘it’s good to have things to look forward to’#etc. etc.#but. that’s it and only barely#really i just hope my birthday isn’t as utterly dogshit as last year but :]#we’ll fucking see#i should probably just block every tag i can think of related to american politics that day tbh#sigh. horrors of a january 20th birthday#anywho.#there’s my new years rant happy 2025 or whatever let’s see how long it takes me to remember to write the new date#storm tag#broadcasts from the astronaut
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So Shaped By the Chances College AU chapter 4 ahhhHHH
Chapter 4: Ominous Omissions - In which Chase gets in trouble, ooooooo
bro the alliteration chapter titles are simultaneously one of my favorite parts to come up with and such a struggle but I will persist! (i am committed to the bit). I'm this close to buying a pocket dictionary so I can just pick a letter and flip through it until I find two words that fit lmao
#this chapter was a struggle it's so much squishier than the other chapters#and it's still too squishy but like I can only spend so long trying to make it not be before I'm just putting off the rest of the story#so squishy chapter it is! the next one won't be#(i know calling it squishy makes no sense I'm sorry it's a me thing and idk how else to describe it okay bye)#cinderella boy#so shaped by the chances#lee speaks
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ON AVERAGE HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO DRAW / RENDER YOUR ART BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE YOU PRODUCE MASTERPIECES LIKE HOTCAKES AND I HAVE SO MUCH RESPECT FOR YOU
ermmmmm it depends !!!! maybe like an hour or two from start to finish if its just a simple drawin' but if it's something fully rendered or im making multiple drawings/a character doodle page maybeeeeee like five-six hours.... idk ....
#snap chats#it varies severely#i severely underestimate how long it takes me to draw things so when i think of it im like 'surely not...' so who knows vjEALKJEALJ#like if its just one figure and no crazy bg then maybe an hour or two for a rendered thing#but this doesnt factor in the fact im very fickle and i have no idea what im doing 90% of the time so im always making changes jLAEKVJAKL#so yeah on average... probably five-six hours......#i honestly feel like i dont post all that much so pleasantly surprised to hear that- thank you my friend !!!#i do wanna try spending more time on pieces tho... i dont think the stuff i make is bad nono i like the stuff i make#but i feel like i can make it better if i let myself spend more time on it#i always have it in my head i have to finish something in one sitting or ill never finish it/go back to it#im very impatient i fear ... BUT im trying to break that !!!! i wanna improve cause sometimes i feel stagnant..#im sure i could make better stuff if i allow myself to spend more time on things even if it takes multiple days#i should bethinkin a sleepin tho ... oops !!!!! three hours of sleep HERE I COME
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#im at such a weird point in my life. trying to choose between a phd and a doomed life as an academic and like just not doing that.#its crazy how not terrible i feel when im not in school. just give me tasks to do and i will do them. dont let me think.#but then im just avoiding my responsibilities. i dunno. i just feel like i would be happier with a structured job that ends when the day#is over. which is y my dad thinks i should get a government job. one of my former lab mates got a government job and he's settling into#spending the rest of his life out in Colorado. which is so weird. i dont kno how long ill be in the place im in now. will it b 4 more years?#or will it be only a few months? will i go back to school in the fall? its looking like yes bc i dont have a job lined up. but maybe ill#keep applying and dip out. let my dreams die in favor of balance and sanity. maybe some things arent meant to be.#its just so gutting. i was talking to my coworker this week. saying that im interested in so many things. i could have studied anything else#and traveled a completely different path. and a guy across the room was like: its never too late. but it feels like its too late. too late#to spend another impossible amount of money on getting a different degree. restarting on a second masters project. im almost 30.#im supposed to b saving money so that i can not work forever. but i cant do that if im just a student forever. so maybe i should just get a#job. god. but theres so much i still want to learn. and im in the perfect program for everything i thought i wanted. im in the perfect place#but everything's falling to pieces. whatever. i. just tired bc im on day 5 of work and have to go in for a day 6.#doing something i havent done before all day. but after than im going home for a week. so ill have lots to contemplate in the airport.#this is not how i thought things would turn out. but im glad im spending the summer working where i am. im learning lots on a human to human#level. and no one bleieves im 27 bc i apparently have a bby face lol. nope im 11 yrs older than u my 16yo coworker#unrelated
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pata hai last kuch din i was very busy with my project kyunki final dena tha and binding karni thi etc to wo karwayi then i went to the bookfair bekaar tha then parso submit karne jaa rahi to subah accident hogaya (bhai ki bike skid hogayi and we fell down) and now i have a big ass blue bruise on my upper thigh and my parents don't even know lmao and kal ek science conference thi to i had to sit in an auditorium for 6 hours listening to accomplished people speak. that's what you missed now your turn
omg i knew everything in this except for the accident cause i stalk your blog vigorously everyday are you okay!!!!!!!!!! did you get tetanus shots!!!!!!!!!! also on your upper thigh oh no that's where future jiju is supposed to write MINE na as per our beloved song guilty as sin?
#did u have fun at the conference it must've been cool huh women in stem and all that#bookfair being bad is so sucky i was so excited for you to go i thought you'd send pictures too of books we like#also u already know everything i posted everything and every thought#i ate chinese but it didn't feel that good because my sister isn't here and we didn't eat it together watching#koffee or splitsvilla and i realised that it's not just the chinese food it's the whole hanging out that i love sm :((#kal well i told you pata hai the brownie place we met it's kinda new and cool types so uske bathroom mein#there was a button and it said press at your own risk and when we did it became a dj like the lights went out and#there when flashing spinning disco lights and party songs were playing mere mein wo aaya hum toh naye andaz hai apna purana#it was sooo cool im adding it to the list of places you'll visit when u come here!!!!!!!#also the food was soooo shockingly reasonably priced everything was under 200 rs!!!!! which is big for a dessert place here#and like great quantity great taste too my stupid people from office used to say it's awesome but i didn't believe them and never tried it#because they're all losers lol but i grudgingly admit that they were right#also ummmm hmm okay pata hai i realised ki oh okay im happy with who i am#like bachpan mein i used to feel very sad and loser like because dad was too strict to let me go out raat ko and everyone in school would#go to this club we went to kal and i always felt i was missing out and i wanted to be all cool and fun too#but it was kinda so boring and normal and i was like wow okay i didn't miss out i was spending days and nights reading books being in#fandoms and i was actually very happy!!!!! so like yay idk small thing bt yk i realised that oh it was okay and everything will be okay too#i kinda want to talk to that guy now like i weirdly feel like im longing for what could've been? which is ridiculous because#we were 11 and i barely talked to him back then because shy and friends would tease and i didn't realise it was a crush#i don't want to DATE him because like tbh i already know we're very different people but like wouldn't it be fun to idk make out once#then i got the urge to download dating app but i resisted the urge and won i don't think im made for casual things#me and my bestie were laughing about this yesterday too she was like i just don't understand how people can have sex one day and then#not give a fuck about each other the next day like idk if we have sex im having your kids and i was like ikrrrr like bhai sex is toh very#big im going to be attached if we hug i literally did!!!!! so we decided no more casual/situationships for us#phew okay more rambling on whatsapp love u bye this became too long#saumyuuuuuu
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I have One Thing Only and that is angels. A demigod can be like an angel, maybe. The mood of this wound up almost the polar opposite of my original idea.
I like the line art better than either color version, so it's under the crop.
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The sketch went through about a dozen changes to both expressions and face positions, and in the end I'm still not really satisfied even if I like how Asperia came out.
#I never want to draw these hot topic motherfuckers again. all this black and red. fuck. I'd been avoiding the pre-canon outfit so long#emi art#asperia#asperia (system)#I'm just gonna. leave off the other tags for now.#isn't it fun how you can have an idea that you think is going to be a thirty minute doodle and then you spend three nights fussing over it#okayyyy it's been a lil while I'm brave. adding them.#bg3#enver gortash#fuck. ship tag or something.#cult leader breakup#committing to the bit ig#durgetash#don't worry about it#guy who made too many ship tags for one thing after posting this
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