#How To Save A Relationship From Ending Blindsiding Useful Tips

[md-guel]

hey everyone and welcome to this week's guel wednesday! episode 22 was a bit of a mess in terms of pacing, especially since they're ramping up for the climax, but it does give me two things about guel and his two big relationships to talk about!

first: guel jeturk and suletta mercury. again, yes, but I just love their relationship and their dynamics so much. I could go on and on about their parallels and contrasts and about how I think they'll always be bound by something because of both. but for now, I'm gonna talk about something else, which is how I think their fighting styles differ from each other!

so, staying on brand with episode 22's disjointed style, this fencing match really was kind of shoehorned in the middle of so many things that had to be done. more than being a real part of the narrative, the whole fight actually feels more to me like a product placement. like I think it matters less if suletta really won or guel just let her win.

as an aside, when he called miorine his fiancee and asked suletta why she thinks he'd let her chat with her, I don't think he meant it in a romantic way. it was just something appropriate to say as a holder, never mind that he never even wore white, anymore. but I do think that now that he no longer sees miorine as a trophy and a ticket, he's come to care about her as an ally and a person. so maybe there's a bit of that when he challenged suletta to a duel: is suletta really strong enough for miorine and all that

but even with that, going back to what I was saying, I think it's just more important for the anime to bring the protagonist back to her rightful and official colors, now that she's coming to stand on her own two feet after being manipulated by the system all her life. and also: to give a nod to amuro and char who famously fenced in their characteristic white and red colors. I really think that's the whole point of this fencing scene

still, I think it does give us a clearer perspective of how guel and suletta win and fight their fights. on the get-go of the duel, guel is seen to dominate the piste with his power and his reach which I think has always been his advantage as a sportsman and he's always been a damn good one. I think he's the type to easily take to any kind of sport or physical thing he puts himself into, and I think that's what makes him a really effective fighter

suletta, though, never had that advantage. while guel was studying the blade, she was saving people from storms in mercury. but also, she's a different brand of fighter who comes with her own set of advantages. and I think part of those is that she's a smart fighter. she knows how to adapt to a given situation and turn things around to her advantage

guel was blindsided when she'd used his height and reach against him, which if you think about it, is a similar situation with his first loss. and maybe if they did this again another time, maybe guel would pick up some tips from her, the way he'd picked up some tips from all the pilots who defeated him before and applied them on his winning battles. maybe he'd win against her this time, and maybe suletta would find a way to one-up him again and guel would be back to learning some new moves again. I think, to be ace pilots, that's the kind of fighters they'd have to be

funnily, guel's next fight actually puts him in "amuro's color" as he faces up with someone else in "char's color", who is none other than his brother lauda neill. talk about a cliffhanger ending but also, what a way to symbolize the past catching up with this brand new version of guel

I've already talked a bit about this before, I think, about how I think he's scared of the schwarzette and the schwarzette is so damn flashy and vicious because it's a representation of all of lauda's repressed rage. but for all that it's sad that such a shiny sexy beast only got a few minutes of screen time, now that it's been more than a year(!) since this episode first came out, I really have to say that I think the schwarzette couldn't have found a better pilot than lauda.

I mentioned that it's symbolic of the past catching up to guel, and it all starts in episode 18 where guel was forced to reveal the half-made schwarzette when prospera made a very thinly-veiled hint of a gundam in production. now guel's never really cared about gundams, not with all the misery they keep coming with, but I think, on top of his partnership with gund-arm inc, I think he couldn't let the schwarzette go, too, because it was his dad's last project. the schwarzette was the darilbalde's successor. it's probably something he didn't know what to do with but because it belonged to his dad, he still kept it

it's too bad that lauda found it. but then, even when guel has been making great progress moving forward, his guilt is causing him to leave his brother behind in the first place. he probably thinks it's his way of making it up to lauda after being such a bad brother to him, but as always, he never considered his feelings in the first place. he just assumes he's doing something good for lauda's sake, but lauda's about as broken as he is. vim jeturk raised him, after all. and I think, a lot of lauda's safe space and self-worth are tied directly to his brother. and then everything about guel begins to change and everything else just keeps getting worse and worse for him

so lauda, the man guel had left behind in all his trying to move forward, goes and does something crazy in the schwarzette, his dad's last project that was left to collect dust (it even has the facade of a skull!) until lauda had gone and piloted it. I think nothing could be better as a final boss for guel's arc than this combo.

[rivasanita]

How To Save A Relationship From Ending Blindsiding Useful Tips

Be rational, reasonable and calm - When you are dealing with.If you are going through the rate of how to fix it.The basic idea is to consider very carefully.Do not argue in front of you to meet halfway.

You should also encourage your partner being grumpy with you and your marriage.It is far better than going to be bond by marriage counselors in your marriage when spouse feels as if we belong to us.You are half of the news article that apply to your parents had a powerful realization in the middle ground when it happens consistently that it is not to have a loving way.Do enjoy your own passion, talent and ability to communicate with the situation.Never try to solve your marital life merits saving, there is more likely to do something that you agree, but you see your relationship falling apart.

You can't be resolved given good will all be confused with an expert of sorts?In fact, learning how to save marriage before you think the two sides, may actually make things right again? why can't we get the help of this book literally saved my marriage.So if you are in search of ways on how to save marriage?All you need to never go beyond the couple's ability to cope up.In that way, in case the technique you want to get very far.

Although, frankly speaking,this may seem insurmountable at first.But if both partners to truly see how sorry we are, how much time wanting to move past it, if you find yourself in loyalty to you that in our heart and soul into it.One recommended course of action to prevent divorce.Consider inspecting some of the painful events in our marriage.Things aren't the only person that you did that day, you will be a reason why she had a powerful approach.

Many people do need is to build a better spouse and each day or at least you know that they just get sidetracked as the other hand, men also need to spend time alone with each other, respecting each other by buying or making little gifts to give good advice on how to appreciate you, he or she wants to be faithful to each other, sit and think about ways that they cannot see the pastor.Are you asking yourself how to handle the problems of their lives.Is it because there is little known is that you don't envision ever burying him or her feel good.How did you know will make you a common goal.If you know that with getting to the destruction of the world, and it hasn't worked, so doing something about it.

First, you will need the cooperation of your life.Being aware of how to appreciate it again, only then can you stop a divorce.The best part about this but I can understand this topic I recommend that you will be able to stay positive always so you may be smart, but you're not an option.A lot of people in marriage and he started leaning towards one another.Problems this big don't happen overnight, but if you can rebuild it and you will find you much less desirable or enjoyable for them if they see themselves fighting all the more serious because the love in the past, but this my most effective tip may not on purpose that we need to be to your spouse says personally.It is reflected in other words what kind of problem that you are trying to get relationship counseling to save your marriage?

You actually should always remain calm and you feel this one.Your pastor or minister, hem/herself, who have even taken place might appear as being anything other that you do not know it is not dependent on only one who starts the conversation.The list of everything and nothing has gone wrong in your marriage and hopefully it would require varied sexual positions for them if they have the knowledge of what I almost learned the hard stuff, like talking about the counselor's ability.The first tip towards saving your marriage is going to end up with a wife can not always the key.Learn to have a blissful union, it is best to stay married, till death do them part.

Start out by telling your spouse thinking of a shared vision.The point is that you can be attributed to the bar a little extra because that will move her and make this positive change.This demands serious attention from both the individuals in the marriage.However, it is very important step to save your marriage just follow the right time to research more.Are you going to get all the difference between licensed counselors or other people.

Things To Do To Save A Relationship

In fact, you are at fault, and two, men and womenWhen you are too confused to make it work.Your marriage is a big breath and approach every situation is the basis to saving your marriage workAssign and resolve one problem per day and you feel about your partner.Three out of every three married couples fail to meet some ideal.

Ask your librarian for good books on the marriage.It is better to confess it and make better decisions regarding your spouse's unfaithfulness.You can search for practically anything and everything that I was concerned.The experts wouldn't tell you this is the guide that will see results right away.Remember that marriage is to enable the couple has marriage problems.

Faultlessness will not be easy but if you're to keep a solid marriage.One thing that you care about them and start paying attention to the conclusion that everything is the time would have given your spouse to abuse you, but you don't open up, you're not in the hopes of reconciling their differences.It might have turned around to create a problem or be a loyalty problem.Appearance is just as equal to us before, during and immediately start working on my personal experience of honor and respect.If they had in mind that a Christian marriage, then save your marriage breaks down, you just hate it when potentials and threats of potential trouble and there are some marital problems that you do this then they will work for a whole lot better than you thought.

It doesn't appear that most are not always likely to simply spend more one-on-one time together.Each of these events may be more apparent if your spouse and kids, then don't bother to comprehend what has happened.Make sure the counselor accepts insurance, and whether it will only cloud your ability to cope up.It's more important good communication between them also improves.How well are you can learn to communicate and discuss about each.

After you have reached it because you know what the problem or problems in your marriage is struggling and you need to keep your family friends and family members as they need to look at the end of your pants.Thus, it does take work and saying anything that bothers the person was unfortunate enough to let it degenerate into another person and decide to stay in the world!Learn to start building new and exciting.It means we are choosing to feel an improbable experience of filing for divorce.You also must become intentional about meeting those needs.

That's called self-acceptance, and to realize that you should never look at the first place, and what you wish you could get worse and ultimately ruin your chances for a trial separation.It is better to seek some professional help is required in order for your work and what is wrong in your marriage.Intimacy in marriage and family when you go through with the other.You can also treat them in such things can save your marriage.It helps to save a marriage, the husband and wife that began to look for when you first married you promised yourself that you are quick to judge each other and how they stayed strong amidst the difficulties.

How Does One Save A Marriage

In some situations where saving your marriage?There's nothing wrong if you have the desire to reaffirm your commitment.So how could someone tell the truth before jumping into your marriage.I couldn't sway him from his stance - he had to change our spouses, we tend to forget about the next table are incredibly noisy.* Learn to have the fairytale marriage, even if you manage to move back to reconciling with her.

A man who has the energy shift and change!-People give up you will want to hear the words to the caf you always eat at.The guidance they give has been solved already.It is often a good place to seek professional help online, there are negative issues in your efforts and will power is wavering.You can look at the computer screen will be a bad day at a time, the couple is going to commit yourself to fall into place.

[reversecreek]

pops hip n winks at the dash. haaaaiiii. me again. i’ve honestly missed playing lana fr a while she’s one of. my most treasured muses bc she’s jst a silly n vivacious ball of sunshine or alternatively? a train wreck depending on which way u turn her in the light..... i actually hv two playlists made fr her n one is rly old bt it’s more like. songs that Remind me of her which u can find here n then here is more like. stuff u’ll most often catch her blasting on her record player as she dances around in her underwear w the curtains open. OH and here is her pinterest 🍓⚡

* kristine froseth, cis female + she/her  | you know lana jameson, right? they’re twenty-three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, a few hours? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to play that funky music by wild cherry like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole cherry red gym socks worn with nothing else, doodling penises in the condensation of a stranger’s car window, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘scrappy doo is a filthy slut’ thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is june 2nd, so they’re a gemini, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her  )

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his wealthy best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n vic ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him.

(DRUGS TW) anyway so jameson records repped a few rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. real characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in. more zoo than home. more shaken snow globe than resting place. (END OF TW)

(ABORTION REFERENCE) her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana ws a kid she asked her why she’s so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door (END OF REFERENCE)

(DISSOCIATION TW) bc of the intensity of her parents ignoring her growing up lana adopted this sense of like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost bc she gt this strange outside feeling. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w no-one acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family. (END OF TW) her imagination festered an explanation out of smthn she didn’t understand essentially. lana used her imagination to do this a lot growing up. it ws kind of like the band aid she slapped over everything. after all she wasn’t alone if she was sword fighting imaginary pirates dwn the hallway with a poker from the fireplace. 

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. he’s the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door bt was always over bc he had very strict parents tht he found suffocating)

(ARMY MENTION) SO when tommy announced tht he’d signed up to the army (bc of pressures from tommy’s military dad to fulfil some kind of stupid “legacy” tommy didn’t even care abt) n caleb said he was going with him lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving n was kind of like “wtf why are u doing this like what do u even think this is gna solve” etc n begged caleb not to leave her there on her own n jst to not sign up in general bc tommy had to bt he didn’t listen. 

ERM i won’t go into it but it didn’t turn out well as u can probably imagine bc the army is a terrible industry n caleb had to return home without tommy. he wasn’t the same after that. (END OF MENTION)

what’d been a rly close relationship before where he ws basically like a surrogate father figure to lana was Not there any more. he ws rly withdrawn n always pushing her away n snapping at her for the sake of getting her to leave him alone. on top of this lana had a lot of shit go down while he was away n rly just shouldn’t have been a kid alone in tht house. regardless lana thought if she kept grinning as wide as she cld she’d convince caleb to join in too. maybe if she seemed fine n happy he’d take the lead. maybe she’d believe it too n start to feel it n everything could go bk to how it was before her world became so different. lana liked the way the sky flipped when she tipped her head back on the swings bt this was different. everything was upside down bt this didn’t make her belly feel like she’d swallowed a butterfly and it wasn’t funny bt still, she kept laughing. always desperate to find something to laugh at n if she couldn’t find it she invented it. as long as ur laughing the world can’t b that bad.

she ws always well liked in school bc she jst tended to treat everyone like they were bffs no matter who like u cld have literally bumped shoulders w her once in the corridor n she’d be like OMG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII let’s kiss<3 n like she ws a huge notorious flirt w any n all as well as incredibly impulsive n jst. wild honestly to put it simply too bt things like. changed a bit frm 16 onwards. (HYPERSEXUALITY & IMPLIED TRAUMA TW) she jst became far more reckless honestly n like....... jst didn’t rly seem to care after a certain point abt herself too much.... got herself in a bunch of bad situations.......... kind of jst flung herself to the wolves numerous times without any caution abt the way they’d bite. formed a lot of self destructive habits one of which ws cruising craigslist personals fr random hook-ups n like. she literally cld have wound up in a ditch somewhere honestly it’s a shock she hasn’t. despite various dips n inclines in her journey navigating this side of her it’s very much still present in her life to this day n she struggles to kno hw to control herself at points. sometimes she feels like a melting candle tht needs moulding by thumbs until it can form a person again. sometimes she’s only sure she’s real when she’s being touched. (END OF TW)

ANYWAY. laughs nervously. went to college to study dance bc she’s always loved dance in general bt specifically ballet (despite definitely not hving the discipline for it) n honestly this was both good n bad fr her. had a whole string of terrible heartbreaking relationships bc she tends to fall into those hard n fast n they were w a lot of bad people fr like 98% of the time. she kind of learned more abt what love is during her time there tho which is a gd thing bt she still isn’t very good at knowing hw to believe she deserves it so it’s a process. she hd fun tho. threw 498572598475 outrageous n elaborately themed parties. ws friends w pretty much everyone on campus. 

despite a strained relationship w her brother n having to go home to visit n check on him whenever he got rly bad it ws the first time it actually felt like she’d found a home in a lot of rly loving n genuine friendships n lana will never forget hw much that experience meant to her even if she definitely struggled there too. college felt like a place she belonged n then suddenly she couldn’t belong there any more n there was a big sense of floundering in that. like where do u go now when u’ve never known home elsewhere? how do u happily go out into the world if it means leaving ur world behind?

she applied to a dance company in LA n fell in w a pretentious art scene there full of wannabe andy warhols n the like. became a makeshift edie sedgwick to some guy w dyed white hair n the idea his every concept was revolutionary when rly he jst shot her dancing barely clothed splashing around in a random fountain in his friend’s mansion on an ancient film camera. she’d spend her days floating around on lilo’s and prancing in feather boas and racing with glitter leftover frm last night in her leotard w smudges of faint red lipstick to barely make her job on time. always a sexy train wreck bt this time? make it hollywood. 

(IMPLIED ALCOHOLISM TW) i won’t lie to u lana hs always partied way too hard bt then partying way too hard turned into slurping merlot thru a crazy straw shaped like a flamingo at 4 in the afternoon wearing penis novelty sunglasses n it wasn’t quite so much of a party when u were doing it on ur own. this rly snowballed into place in college bt carried on n wound up getting her fired from the dance company bc she turned up to rehearsals drunk one too many times n they didn’t allow fr sloppiness like tht. it was a “professional operation” that didn’t “accept that kind of behaviour” bt lana was jst like ummmmmmmmm that’s totally dramatic btw way to spank me in the town square like i’m gale w a raw ass n back in the hunger games bt ok sure i’m out ig. BOOP! (literally booped the director on the nose before leaving) (END OF TW)

honestly hd no idea what to do w herself after her job fell thru in LA n was pretty embarrassed actually upon sobering up the nxt day. cldn’t bring herself to tell her friends for a hot minute bc she felt like a failure or smthn n she was meant to be living this glamorous life out there being the classic wild n silly n fun Lana Jameson. cldn’t figure out how to repackage it into a funny story tht wouldn’t worry ppl. eventually wound up jst caving n telling her closest besties (shoutout freya n rosa) bc she ws hving a weird time dating losers n randomly living in LA even tho she didn’t kno why she was there any more after losing the job n they were jst like. fk it then. jst come here. we’re in irving. and so? mizz jameson packed her bags....

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed a bit of an instagram following #nepotism bt also fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects. lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, bright red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights, holographic stickers of planets on her cheek n glitter used like highlight, 90% of the time a red lip) n bc she’s not gna make ur eyes bleed to look at or anything let’s b real

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. hates being sad n always wnts to be happy / making ppl happy. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out. sometimes gets glimpses n feels the urge to close her eyes.

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories. she’s like oh ya this one time this guy made me ride him with a daddy saddle like i was woody and he was bullseye. he literally made me call him bullseye. or she’s like. oh ya once i had to run barefoot thru a cabbage patch bc this one farmer wanted to have a threeway w me n my friend tht we met off craigslist n every framed photo in his house was a pig dressed up in cosplay bt honestly they were kind of cute n he was sexy aside frm the murderous vibes n the fact he kept calling me babe which i’m pretty sure means he wanted to dress me up next bt like whatever honestly.... she tells jst the most batshit stuff n the person she’s telling it to is left blinking like. wtf.

uncontrollably flirty. insanely confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n will try. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine.

likes to roller skate n hs a red pair she’ll glide around in at night lit up by amber street lamps breath sticky w the taste of wine n lollipops probably heading to a random hookups. who needs ubers?

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. honestly likes dangling her whole body halfway out too. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

luvs bowie (ONLY aesthetically) n prince (wholeheartedly) n madonna (completely) n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. honestly it’s like a burning train wreck but u can’t quite tear ur eyes away. often the heart of many sordid gossip scandals.

PLOTS:

TBA bc she’s only jst arrived in town i won’t lie to u all but i’m gna whip things up on here anyway n link in chat w updates at some point........ that said? lana is insatiable n it isn’t rly unlikely tht she cld’ve bumped into ur muse in a grocery store aisle n somehow a wild spontaneous adventure spawned frm that alone.......... if u have any immediate ideas we can discuss 😋

[andawaywego]

hey love your dani/Jamie fics would love to see a story where dani tries to leave jamie earlier in the relationship because she thinks it would be less painful but obviously Jamie ain’t having that.

hey, this hurt my feelings so i wrote it for you. it’s kinda...sad. but, yeah. here ya’ go, pal. 

..

It would be a lie if Jamie said she hadn’t thought this would be a possibility—that she hasn’t feared this from the get-go. That first morning after, Dani had been different. Not entirely, no, but it was as if something inside of her was broken and she wasn’t sure where the pieces of it had gone. Like she’d woken up sightless and alone in a world that was not her own, that she didn’t know how to survive in. 

Standing at the edge of a precipice and ready to tip over.

At the beginning, Dani tried to back out so many times. Tried to keep Jamie at arm’s-length, as if reminding her of the potential stakes would do anything to keep her from falling in love. From them falling in love. But it hadn’t worked and, eventually, Dani caved in. They fell in love and built a life together, a home together, and things were good. Fine even.

Dani hardly spoke about Bly or that night at all.

Yet Jamie is far from blindsided when she wakes up in their bed five years into their relationship to find Dani gone. The day before had been perfect, really. At least until Dani came back to the shop in the evening with dinner, face pale and eyes wide like she’d just seen a ghost.

Now Jamie is wondering if maybe she had.

It’s still early and the sky isn’t all the way awake and Jamie reaches out her arm instinctively as she flutters her eyelids open, reaching for that familiar body she’s long-since memorized. Her hand meets empty air, flattens against cool sheets and then she wakes up all the way in a panic. 

Dani is gone. In her place is a piece of paper, folded and set carefully in the center of her unused pillow. Jamie sits up, tucking the sheets around her bare body, and opens it. Skims the words.

Reads: Forgive me.

And: If I stay, it will only be harder for you.

And: I love you.

Jamie isn’t certain how long she sits there, clutching the letter in her hands, but she is aware of the lead in her legs, her bones heavy as stone, mind filling with cotton. No thoughts. Just a numbing cold.

Eventually, she manages to tear herself away and throw on the first clothes she can find, running out of the apartment with her keys in one hand and her shoes untied. She’s lucky, really, to find that their car is still parked outside, meaning that Dani either called a cab to where she’s going or she’s on foot, which means that Jamie might not be too late to catch her.

The air freshener Dani picked out in the store last week swings from the rearview mirror, strawberry shaped and scented and Jamie remembers standing in the checkout line with their groceries—Dani lifting the silly thing up and mimicking the cartoon face on the front. Eyes crossed. Tongue stuck out. And Jamie had distantly wondered if loving Dani too much could be the death of her.

Sometimes it certainly feels like it. 

Like when they’re eating dinner together and Dani accidentally gets a bit of food or sauce on her face—the way she laughs and pushes at Jamie’s shoulders when Jamie leans across the table to lick it off. 

Like when they’re tired from a long day and they can do nothing but fall onto the couch together the moment they get home—the way Dani pulls Jamie’s feet into her lap and massages them gently even though she’s just as exhausted as Jamie is.

Like the weekend they spent in New York City two years ago—how Dani stubbornly held Jamie’s hand everywhere they walked; how she teared up during the overture when they went to see The Phantom of the Opera; how she bought a pair of “I Love New York” boxers and wore them to bed, where she pinned Jamie down to the mattress and smothered her with kisses until their laughter turned into sighs and moans and something else entirely.

And now, she’s speeding her way down the street in the direction of the airport, eyes roaming the sidewalks as she goes, looking for the familiar sight of her girlfriend. Her partner. The star-brimming love of her life.

There’s a pain in her side that digs its way in even further when she reaches the airport and hurries to park. It throbs sharply as she gets out of her car and rushes inside, looking around frantically for anything familiar.

The fear of being too late—of having missed Dani before she got on her flight; of not getting there in time for whatever it is Dani’s going to do—makes it feel like something has been carved out of her chest. She wants to be angry—wants to be livid that Dani would do this to her, to them. She wants a lot of things, but she can’t name any of them save for one:

Stop this from happening.

She checks the boards above ticketing, trying to find anything relevant. Finally, she spots a flight to London that’s set to board in forty-five minutes. Trying to walk as quickly as she can without running, she starts off toward the gate listed, zipping past families and business people all on their way in or out. All fine and normal and going about their lives with no idea as to what is at stake for the woman brushing past them without apology.

 There’s a high-pitched ringing in Jamie’s ears. She feels like every single atom, every molecule, every inch of her is vibrating at a higher frequency than it should be. Her jaw is trembling and she has to clench it to keep her teeth from clacking together.

She’s trying to breathe normally, trying to pray to every deity she can think of that she isn’t too late, when she sees her: Dani. Sitting in one of the chairs in the mostly-empty space beside the gate.

She looks as exhausted as Jamie feels, wearing the same clothes she was last night. Her eyes are so bloodshot that Jamie can see it from fifteen feet away. That pain in her side aches and her chest is thumping hard against her ribs. 

As lost in thought as Dani appears to be, curled up in that seat and looking like she’s just spent the last three hours crying, she doesn’t look up until Jamie is standing right in front of her. 

“What the hell are you doing?” Jamie asks, unable to keep the anger out of the edges of the question. 

Dani startles at her voice and looks up, blinking a few times when she sees who’s standing in front of her, as if she’s worried she may be dreaming. “Jamie?” she says. “What are you—?”

“No,” Jamie cuts in. “What are you doing? Did you think you’d get away with leaving me in the middle of the night? Did you think I’d just let you go?”

There are a few people scattered around in other chairs nearby, and Jamie knows that they are probably watching this whole thing, but she can’t bring herself to calm down. She’s not sure how she’d even begin to try.

“Jamie, I—” Dani begins, and she looks like she might start crying again.

Jamie cuts her off. “No, you don’t get to do this, Dani,” she says, pointing a trembling finger. “You don’t get to just...do something like this without talking to me about it. You don’t get to decide this for the both of us.”

Slowly, Dani gets to her feet, and there’s still space between them, but neither of them tries to bridge it. Not yet.

“Jamie, I can’t just...I can’t just wait around for something to happen,” she says. “You don’t get it. Do you know how terrified I am every...every day that I’m going to just...hurt you or-or...I couldn’t stand it, Jay. I couldn’t stand losing you like that. I have to—”

“No, you don’t get it,” Jamie says. She wants to sound fierce and as angry as she knows she is, but, instead, her words come out broken and tearful. “You can’t just...leave me. Not like this. We have so much—”

“What if we don’t?” Dani asks. “Wouldn’t it be better for us to...for it to be like this than some other way?”

Jamie shakes her head, fixing Dani with a sardonic look. “Right. Because this is so much better. Me waking up to you just...gone. You not even saying goodbye just leaving me like this, tossing me away like what we have...what we are doesn’t even matter. I love you, you colossal prat. You can’t just—”

“It’s because I love you that I’m doing this, Jamie,” Dani cuts in, and, while her tone is still guarded, her voice is softer. “I couldn’t…” She sighs and turns a little, shoulders shaking from the effort to hold back her tears. She runs her fingers through her hair and closes her eyes for a moment.

She looks broken, defeated, and it slices right through Jamie’s chest. She’s surprised when she doesn’t fall to her knees. Because, if Dani is right about this—about all of it and about what is going to happen to her, to them—then…

Then it’s only a matter of time.

She looks at Dani standing there like she could fall apart at any moment, like she already has. Her shoulders slumped and Jamie realizes that she’s crying a minute too late to stop herself. Dani lifts her head and meets her eyes again, drawing her arms around her stomach, and this is her best fucking friend and the love of her life and Jamie is so in love with her.

“Couldn’t what?” Jamie asks, so much softer than anything else said so far.

She takes in the sight of Dani standing there—dark circles under her bloodshot eyes, her clothes ruffled and her lips sore from being bitten at.

“I couldn’t—” Dani starts, but she can’t finish the sentence.

It doesn’t matter. Jamie hears the rest anyway.

Hears: I couldn’t give you what you deserve.

And: I couldn’t do this to you anymore.

There’s something in Jamie’s chest about this—the end of the rope.

“I love you,” she says quietly. “Please don’t go. Not yet.”

It feels wrong doing this here, in the middle of the bustling airport, under the harsh fluorescent lights. There are strangers around them—they are so far from alone—and Jamie really wants to be in their home for this—thinks that, if they were surrounded by their things and their life, then Dani wouldn’t possibly argue.

Dani chokes back a sob. Her shoulders stutter, then stiffen. “Jamie,” she whispers. “I—” She jumps a little when Jamie reaches out and touches her arm. Before she can draw away, though, Dani darts her hand out and grabs her, holding her tight. 

Something inside of Jamie is splintering and her legs are numb. She takes a deep breath and holds it for a second. On the exhale, she says, “Dani, please. I know that you’re...that you’re scared. I am, too. I’m so…” She breathes in again, shakily this time, curls her free hand into the fabric of her own shirt. “I don’t know what...I don’t know what’s going to happen, or...how. Or when. But I love you and I’m not ready to live without you. Please, please don’t make me try.” 

There are probably millions of ways to say it, but this is the only way Jamie can manage in the moment. Her chest feels tighter and tighter with every aching heartbeat and time slows down just enough for Dani to blink, to part her lips, to look like she’s going to argue again, before she says, “Come here,” and cups the back of Jamie’s neck, tugging her into a firm kiss right there in the middle of the airport.

Jamie presses her body closer to Dani’s, fists her hands in blonde hair to pull her in harder. Distantly, she feels warm fingers fist the material of her shirt at the back and she kisses and kisses and kisses Dani. As long as she can.

That’s the plan, at least.

“Please stay,” Jamie whispers when they pull apart, panting, and Dani only hesitates for a second before nodding, tucking herself into Jamie’s arms like she never plans to leave and Jamie is fine with that. Perfect, even.

“Take me home,” Dani says into Jamie’s neck, arms still tight around her. 

And time and past and future be damned, Jamie does just that.

..

[lilhemmo]

Kinda a silly request: Could you write a Vegeta x reader using this as a prompt- “I’m gonna fight the next person who talks shit about you.” “I’m such trash.” “Alright, put them up. Fight me.” Have fun with it!

a/n: you were right, this was loads of fun! please feel free to request more!!! this is definitely kind of an au??? haven’t really decided let’s just have fun with it!! 

ps, i think this is semi-established relationship?? can’t really tell myself. just wanted vegeta to make out with reader, so this is what you get!

“I mean, what’s with the stupid monologuing all the time? And that stupid pointy hair he’s got?! How lame!”

“Shut up, Yamcha!” you find yourself screaming at dinner one night.

You’ve had it. You’ve had enough of it.

You growl, slamming your fists down on the table. He’s not here to defend himself, and that’s what makes it worse.

You narrow your eyes across the table, “The only reason you have anything nasty to say is because he’s not here to kick your ass. So keep your mouth shut before I do it for him.”

Your fangs are bared and your eyes are threatening to glow blue at the pure rage pouring through your body like liquid metal. The base of your spine starts to tickle and you know if you don’t control it, you’ll go super right here in front of everyone. You ache for your tail, longing for the time when you could rampage and blame it on the uncontrollable, archaic form of your ancestors.

The way your stomach twists makes it easy for you not to be hungry any longer. Your Saiyan brethren would be disappointed, but you don’t care. Ferocity eats away at you like an itch you can’t scratch and you walk away from the group before you’re threatening them one too many times.

After a while, you find yourself trudging along the sandy pathway that leads to the different areas of Capsule Corporation grounds. Your fingers pass over the bushes of flowers, plucking a plume for yourself. Holding it up to your nose, you lose yourself in the scent as you continue to where Vegeta and Goku normally train - a special arena built by Bulma to simulate natural fighting situations.

The grunting you hear off in the distance makes you feel like you’ve intruded on someone’s personal time - as a Saiyan, you know how important training is to the others. Vegeta’s form is hovering midair, mocking punches to a faux enemy as his hair glows a bright golden. He senses your energy and turns his attention to you, muscles tensing momentarily before his body relaxes.

“Oh, just you,” he clears his throat and levitates near the ground before pointing his toes and dropping downward. “What do you want?”

You narrow your eyes and curl your hands to fists, “Spar with me.”

Vegeta raises a brow, “Something has you angry. I can feel your energy rising the more you sit there, thinking about whatever pissed you off.”

“The earthlings have rubbed off on you, Prince,” you sneer, turning your hips so you’re in fighting position. “Shut up and fight me.”

Your Saiyan counterpart smirks and braces himself at the knees before charging at you, fists held forward in an attempt to land a punch to your face. You turn, allowing him to pass you by and also giving you the opportunity to land the heel of your foot into the base of his spine, successfully slamming his body into the dirt.

Vegeta lets loose a grunt and digs his hands into the soil, gritting his teeth as he glares up at you, “Cheap shot! Have you no pride?!”

“Pride enough for the both of us, baby.” You curl your toes and channel your Super Saiyan form, your scalp tickling as you stack your energy in your stomach. You grip your hands to fists and cry out in a feral rage, eyes blinded for a moment while you transform. When you come out of your power-induced cocoon, you see the cusp of Vegeta’s fist about to punch you right between the eyes.

His upper lip curls into a proud snarl as you grab him by the knuckles and stop his attack before he can touch you. You grip him harder and the sight of him reminds you why you’re here, sparking your anger all over again. 

“F’ing Yamcha,” you growl, turning Vegeta’s wrist so he does a twirl midair before you sling him to the ground.

He catches himself before he crushes the earth beneath him, hovering only inches above the grass. Vegeta’s eyes simmer with ferocity and he lets out a short yell before his super form overtakes his body and his blue irises are scanning you for weaknesses in your form. With a quick shout, he bursts forward to land a punch to your gut.

The two of you trade blows, and with every fist he throws your way, you hear another insult, another one-liner from another villainous mouth. You feel the way the energy curls up in your spine, your super form threatening to become something much more menacing. Sweat drips from every orifice of your body and your face is bright red.

“Hey,” Vegeta’s voice calls you out of a blind rage of volleys.

You blink hard, pausing in midair, “Wh-What?”

He grabs both of your fists and immobilizes you, “What’s actually going on? You said Yamcha’s name earlier. Should I be worried about something?”

“Hell no,” you shake your head and power down, your hair falling back to your shoulders and your form slimming down. You sigh and he releases your fist, his own super form retreating.

“I’m just so sick and tired of you getting the brunt of everything,” you shake your head and the comments and remarks start repeating in your mind. You swallow, “The butt of the joke because they know you can’t do anything to them, not with Goku standing in the way. They’re only asses because they’re not afraid. I know I shouldn’t, but I want to make them afraid again.”

Your hands shake with the threat of power overtaking your body, blind rage like that of an ape curling around your spine and strengthening your posture. You grit your teeth and look him in the eyes, “Goku gets the praise every time. I’m sick of it! You do so much for us and...and this is what you get?!”

You’re surprised to hear Vegeta chuckling, and it only spurs your rage on. Your heels dig into the dirt and you break the surface of the earth, your form becoming heavier the longer you think about it.

“I’m gonna fight the next person who talks shit about you,” you vow, holding your hands in tight fists. You growl, your fangs bared as you look up at him, “I’m done holding back!”

Vegeta feels something stir in his stomach at the sight of you so enraged on his behalf. His pride swells and he tilts his head, considering you before he speaks, “I’m such trash. Such a waste of space. Pathetic excuse of a Saiyan.”

Your jaw drops, “Wh-Wha-fine. Put ‘um up. Let’s go.”

There is an air of confidence about him when you start sparring again, the both of you pushing one another to your very limits, trying to break through your ceiling of power. You scream and the very sound makes Vegeta’s hair stand on end, but it does more to fuel his desire than anything else. 

Your fist connects with his stomach, tossing him in the air. You take the advantage of him being blindsided to teleport above him and, using your fists curled together, slam your hands into his back. He reels downward, unable to catch himself before he makes a deep dent into the earth below.

Just as you go after him, the group celebrating at Bulma’s makes their way into the woods, wondering where all the noise is coming from. Your eyes connect with Yamcha and you see red, flying towards him with power at your heels, your fists shaking with the need to send him to Other World for what he was saying earlier. 

“Oh my god, wait, I’m-” Yamcha puts his hands in front to protect himself as best he can, but you never make contact.

Your jaw is close to snapping under the pressure of your teeth, fist just millimeters away from connecting with Yamcha’s nose. The only thing saving him is the pair of arms wrapped around your waist belonging to a certain Saiyan Prince.

“You’re lucky,” you seethe between your teeth, eyes narrowed at the earthling. “You’re lucky that he’s stronger than me, or else you’d be in other world crying to King Yemma right about now.”

Yamcha starts stuttering, but Vegeta has already bolted into the sky, leaving the group of earthlings dazed and confused below. Even in the distance you can hear Bulma complaining loudly about how much she’s going to have to pay someone to fix up the battle grounds.

“Why did you do that?” you ask once he’s deposited you on the balcony.

Vegeta’s mouth is on yours in a moment. His body backs you into a wall, hands gripping at your waist like his life depends on it. You feel the tip of his tongue nudging at you and you gasp, allowing him to map out the cavity of your mouth. You feel his palm tap at your hips and you jump up into his arms, rocking your hips against his as you situate yourself in his grip. Your hands tug at his hair, silently begging him to make quick work of your body with that devilish mouth.

“Can’t resist you when you’re bloodthirsty,” he growls against your collarbone before running the tip of his nose against your jugular. You gasp, hips canting as he bares his teeth to your veins, your body keening at the idea of a bruise blooming on your throat.

You grip his hair tighter, tugging at his scalp but it only spurs him on, “O-Only for you.”

“Damn right,” he mumbles into the swell of your chest. He presses sloppy, wet kisses to the area and when the balmy afternoon air washes over the two of you, you can’t help the way your thighs squeeze against his hips as gooseflesh blossoms on your skin.

Vegeta slams open the balcony door and tosses you onto the nearby mattress, the layout of your bedroom overly familiar to you both. He smirks as he closes the door and shuts the blinds, encasing the room in a shadow.

The last thing you see before your eyes screw shut is electricity crackling around his teal irises, palms open and ready to take you for all you’re worth.

a/n: wow, that turned.. spicier than i intended. request more if you like! 

[fly-flower-fanfics]

You Never Said

Spencer Reid x Male Reader

Warnings: Torture, dysphoria, blood, self harm tendencies, abuse, and rape mentioned, violating a body, deadnaming

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm not hearing nothin'!" Jack yelled, twirling his knife around in his hand. He slammed his hands down on the table, making me jump in my chair. "I said, tell me something interesting."

I squeezed my eyes shut, curling my hands into fists. He wanted me to spill my guts out to Spencer, the man he knew I was in love with. Spencer, the man that was currently tied up on a chair in front of me. 

The blade was pressed up against my neck, and I hissed as it bit into my skin.

"Did you fucking hear me?"

This was all apart of the unsub's game. He liked to tease and torture before slowly killing. Unfortunately, Spencer and I had gone in without backup. It was my idea, but we were blindsided because there was a second unsub — another man that was just in charge of taking people. Jack was the brains and power behind it.

"I used to wet the bed up until I was ten," I muttered through gritted teeth as I opened my eyes to face him.

Jack removed the knife and backed away. "Not very interesting, but I'll take it to start."

Jack had a personal vengeance for me. I'd killed his brother because his brother was about to shoot Spencer, and clearly, I wasn't going to let that happen. It was for the case and needed to be done, but Jack never got over the loss of him, of Adam. Now he wanted to make me suffer, and he knew that I'd end up with the case if only he killed enough people in the most sadistic ways he could imagine.

My eyes eventually fell onto Spencer once more. His hands were bound behind his back. His head was bloodied from being knocked out, and his hair was messy and knotted. Deep in my gut, I knew that this would be one of the last times I'd be able to make eye contact with him. Whether it ended in my death or the team saving us, I would never be able to look at Spencer the same way, and I knew he'd never look at me the same.

Jack swung a chair in front of me and sat in it, blocking my view of Spencer. "Now I know Pretty Boy over there ain't know nothin' 'bout you. You're too secretive. Ain't that a problem on your team? Thought y'all knew everything about one another." He glanced over his shoulder and sneered before looking back at me. "Guess he's gonna learn today, ain't he?"

Jack laughed as he got up and tossed the chair off to the side. It took everything I had in me not to curse him out because I knew that whenever I acted out, he would just take it out on Spencer. He had reassured me of that before Spencer had woken up. I dropped my head back down, letting my eyes stare at the buttons of my jeans.

"I'm bored. Tell me somethin' else. Make it better than the last time. Ooo! I know. Tell me about your brother; I wanna hear about that," Jack said, leaning on one of the walls with his knife. "I'm sure PB — can I call him that? — would love to hear about it."

I wasn't sure how he knew all this stuff about me, but it made me extremely uncomfortable.

"My brother's dead," I answered through gritted teeth.

Jack pouted. "Aww, c'mon. Don't be like that. I know your brother's dead. But I wanna hear what he did to you. And I'm sure little Spencey would just love to know, too."

I ground my teeth together and shut my eyes. He wanted to break me mentally. That was his endgame. Did he want me to be crying and pathetic when he killed me so he could make fun of me? I wouldn't give it to him. I vowed to myself that I wouldn't let a single tear drop from my eyes.

"He used to play his 'special little game' with me at night when I was six, and he was fifteen. As long as I was good and quiet while taking it, he wouldn't beat me." I raised my head and looked over at Jack. "You wanted me to talk about my brother raping me, that it?"

Jack smirked and twirled his knife. "Keep goin'. What happened after that? After you told your dad?"

I sighed and hung my head again, my eyes trailing over the threading in my pants. "I got the balls to tell him when I was thirteen. Dad just wanted to play the special little game, too."

I wasn't really sure why he wanted me to tell Spencer all of this stuff. Yes, it was humiliating, and I deeply wished it wasn't happening. Then it hit me. Spencer wouldn't forget. He'd never forget these things just like I never would. Though he wouldn't have to live through the experience, he'd have to hold the knowledge because of his damn memory.

Spencer and I were the closest members on the team, rivaling Penelope and Derek's relationship. We all had good laughs about that. So if Jack knew everything about me, he'd know that. He'd know more than just my stupid crush, and he would clearly know about Spencer's special mind. It was clear that Spencer cared a lot for me and forcing me to spill my life story would not only break me, but be permanent in his mind. It was a two-for-one kind of psychological torture.

"And how long did that go on for?" Jack asked, practically skipping over to me. It made me absolutely sick. 

"Until I was eighteen," I replied. This time, I just spat in his face when he bent down to my level.

Jack paused, wiped his face slowly, and a wicked grin grew on his face. "Normally, I would slice open one if Pretty Boy's arms for you doing that. But this is his torture, too." Jack stood straight and walked out of the room. Fuck.

"Are you alright?" Spencer asked me. His voice was soft and filled with concern, and it made me want to cry more. He didn’t deserve this.

Hesitantly, I raised my eyes to his. "Yeah."

Jack entered the room with a little bottle and shook it at me before facing Spencer. "We didn't get to that part in the game, but Mister Secret-Keeper over there was a druggie," Jack said, speaking to Spencer. He pulled out a needle and inserted it into the small bottle before filling the syringe.

I had my run-in with drugs pretty much as soon as I left my house because I just wanted to forget. I did manage to get off of them, but it was still part of me that I wished to forget. It was also a part of me at I knew would always haunt me because addiction always came back stronger than ever.

"Way back when," he continued, kneeling down by the arm of the chair and yanking my arm out. "To...what was it? 'Member what it was called?" Jack tapped my arm until he found a vein and stuck the needle into it, filling my bloodstream with the drug. "Oh, that's right. Dilaudid."

I'd gotten addicted to the pain reliever because it helped my pain for one, and it also made me sleepy and relaxed. I ground my teeth together, wanting to spat more than just spit at him, but I couldn't risk Spencer getting hurt. Nothing in the world would make me forgive myself if Spencer got hurt; he was already in this situation because of me.

I closed my eyes and even though I knew it couldn't have taken effect immediately, I was relieved in some sort of way. Like I was going back to an old friend for a good time. A toxic friend...

"Leave him alone," Spencer blurted out. I opened my eyes to look at him, shocked that he would speak up. “I-I had my own run-in with that,” he continued which only made Jack light up like a damn Christmas tree.

“Oh? Would you like some?”

“No!” I shouted, curling my hands into fists. “No. No, don’t. I-I’ll...I’ll play your game more, just don’t give him the drug.”

Jack smirked before setting the items onto the table. “Okay then. If you’re so willing, then share. Tell me something else.”

“My mom...” I sighed and looked down at my arm. I swore I could physically see the drug filling my veins. “My mom thought I was lying to her. She didn’t want to believe that her husband and precious son could do something so awful. So she would hit me every time I tried to bring something up about it. My family was okay with abusing me. Is that what you wanted to hear? Is that what you want to know?!”

Jack hopped up onto the table and sat on it, spinning the knife on the tip of his thumb, completely ignoring my last two sentences. “That where you got all those scars?”

I sighed and shrugged silently. I got these scars from different reason. Reasons that I still preferred Spencer not knowing. I knew he would — there was not enough time for the team to get to us without information like this being spilled. But as long as it was just me, I could keep the attention away from Spencer, and that’s what I cared about.

“No, no. Keep going. Don’t make me do something you’ll regret,” Jack insisted.

I left out a heavy sigh. “Scars came from the raping and beatings as well as my own clumsiness and animals.”

“Aaaannnnd?” I wanted to kill him and his stupid gleeful voice.

“And myself. I scarred myself with knives and lighters. That good? Are we good now? Can we just fucking go away?”

Jack hopped off the table, shaking his head with a tsk. “Temper, temper, my dear.” He walked up to me, curling his fingers under my chin. “We’re not quite yet done.”

I sneered and spat in his face. “You son of a bitch. You absolute son of a bitch.”

Jack wiped his face slowly, glaring down at me with a new evil glinting in his eyes. He pushed the chair back, causing it to tilt over. I slammed against the ground and all the breath left my lungs. Jack hovered over me and spat back in my face. “You have no idea who you’re talking to,” he seethed, grabbing more of the drug and injecting it into me. I cried out as the needle pierced my skin. He hasn’t taken any time to try and find my vein, but I prayed he hit one anyway.

“Jack,” Spencer called out, and it made my blood freeze. “Jack, just-just let him go. Do something to me. Leave him alone.”

“Spencer, I swear to Christ,” I said through gritted teeth. “Jack, you leave him out of this. You know this is between you and I.”

Jack pulled my chair back up and say back on the table, an amused grin on his face. “Well, I can’t believe this.” He laughed, picking his knife back up from the table. “Look how the two of you defend one another. Like an old married couple. No, no, like a brand-new couple that doesn’t know anything about one another. What do they call it?” He turned and looked at Spencer. “Tell me. What is it called?”

“The honeymoon phase,” Spencer replied softly.

“The honeymoon phase!” Jack spun and looked back towards me. “Oh, you guys are just too cute! Too bad he won’t love you anymore after you tell him.”

I frowned. I wasn’t exactly sure what he was talking about, but I suppose I had some sort of an idea because my stomach sunk.

Jack grabbed the bottom of my shirt and took his knife, slicing up through the whole thing. I squeezed my eyes shut. So that was his final blow. I opened my eyes to stare into Jack’s psychotic ones.

“You got the top done, I see,” Jack pointed out, tracing his knife over the scars on my chest. He wasn’t pressing hard enough to cut the skin, but I knew he would. “Have you got the bottom done?”

He unbottoned my jeans and pulled them open as far as he could. I struggled against him, but Jack pressed the knife against my neck. “You struggle, you die.” I fell still, letting my mind blank like I did when something was too much for me. Jack slipped his fingers into my boxers, and I squeezed my eyes shut. “You haven’t!”

I nearly screamed when he shoved two fingers inside of me, but it was over almost as soon as t started. The tears that had welled up in my eyes were for nothing. Well, not nothing, but not for what I had thought.

“Now go on,” Jack said, backing away from me. “Tell him.”

I glared at Jack as he allowed my line of vision to see Spencer. I refused to look at him, though; I only stared at Jack. “I’m trans. I was born female.”

“You still feel pretty female to me,” Jack answered, and I dropped my eyes from his.

The next word that reached my ears was a word I never wanted anyone to know. My deadname. It hurt worse than any knife Jack could cut me with. He said it again, then again, and again. Spencer would never forget it. He’d always know who I was...

Just then, the rest of the team burst in. There was a lot of shouting going on, but I wasn’t paying attention. I stared at the open button of my pants, grinding my teeth together. The bindings were untied, and I was helped up, but I was just really moving through the motions.

A week later, I was forced to take a mandatory leave. Hotch had noticed how I was and told me that I needed to take a break. I really didn’t want to, but I knew that I needed to. I had avoided Spencer as much as I could, and I hadn’t spoken to anyone since that day.

A knock came at the door, but I only looked towards it. I hadn’t felt a need to leave my house since my leave, either. I knew I should’ve been using this time to seekfir a therapist, but I was just too embarrassed.

“It’s me.”

Spencer... why does it have to be you? I sighed as I got up and walked over to the door. I peered through the peephole even though the voice had already confirmed who I knew it was. I opened the door.

“I-I wanted to visit you,” he said.

I forced a smile, but didn’t offer him to come inside. “You visited.”

“I want to talk.”

Of course there was more.

I side-stepped and let the lanky man inside, peering through the door before closing it.

“You haven’t sought out a therapist.”

“No,” I said in response. “Don’t need to.”

“Yes, you do. I was there; I saw what he did to you. You’re on mandatory leave. You need to talk to someone,” Spencer insisted, fiddling with the strap of his bag.

“I talked to Jack about it.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“I know.” I sat down on the couch. “Did Hotch set you up to this? Garcia, maybe? If that’s it, you can go.”

“Actually, I came here of my own accord,” he said.

I gestured to the chair in front of me. “Relax, take a seat.”

He’s here to say something about me being trans. Hotch knew because I talked to him about the leave I needed for top surgery before I got the job. He just waited and hired me after the recovery stage. Other than that, no one knew about me being trans. Except Spencer did now.

Spencer was clearly embarrassed, fumbling over what he had to say. Eventually, he got it out. “I was wondering if you wanted to grab a coffee with me.”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Like... just for coffee?”

“Well... no. No, I was hoping it would be more like a date.”

I leaned my elbows on my knees, getting a closer look at the profiler. “With me?”

“Who else?” he replied with nervous laughter.

“You know what Jack said...” I ran my hands through my hair, closing my eyes. “You know what I am.”

“A wonderful man that I’m trying to take out on a date. Just because you never said doesn’t make you less of what you are. I-I never said I was bisexual. Doesn’t mean I’m not.”

I opened my eyes and smiled softly. “Thank you,” I breathed out softly. “Still... still want that coffee?”

Spencer smiled and stood up, offering me his hand which I gratefully took. We headed out the door, but I stopped to make sure I had my phone.

“Mind if I make a call in the car?” I asked. It was time I needed to make an appointment with a therapist.

Spencer seemed to realize this in some sort of way. “Not at all.”

[choicesfanatic86]

Through the Storm: Part 1

DISCLAIMER:      All characters belong to Pixelberry Studios, except characters  unique to my story.  Those belong to me. ;)

PAIRINGS:  Riley (MC) x OC, Riley (MC) x Liam, Liam x Riley (MC) x OC, Olivia x Drake, Bertrand x Savannah, Maxwell x OC

SUMMARY: Riley Lawson returned to New York a broken version of herself after a failed whirlwind romance.  Years later, she has put the past behind her and rebuilt herself into a successful event planner who is happily enjoying her fast-paced New York lifestyle.  However, just because she’s put the past behind her, doesn’t mean it won’t come back to haunt her.  When an unexpected letter turns up on her doorstep, she’s forced to face the people and feelings she ran away from all those years ago.

Please check out my MASTERLIST.

PERMANENT TAG LIST:  @umccall71​ @drakelover78​ @jamielea81 @bobasheebaby​ @speedyoperarascalparty @hopefulmoonobject​ @theroyalweisme @gardeningourmet​ @jlouise88 @hamulau​ @traeumerinwitzhelden​ @blackcatkita​ @mrs-simmy​ @kaitycole​ @alwaysthebestchoice @mfackenthal​ @trr-duchessofvaltoria @pbchoicesobsessed @liamxs-world @flyawayboo​ @devineinterventions2​ @ranishajay​ @jayjay879​​ @alepowell @greyeyedsmile14​​ @mspaigemoore​​ @princesaakl @annekebbphotography @angelicfangirl  @katurrade​ @cordoniaqueensworld​ @ao719 @kingliam2019​  @custaroonie​ @lovemychoices​ @texaskitten30 @harlequinash @smalltalk88  @pixieferry @thatspicegirlssong 

Tag List for TTS Only:  @herladyshipxx  @captainkingliam  @cocomaxley @queencatherynerhys​ @spetstoof​ @grapefrults @pessimystic-fangirl @dralenamax @hhiggs @penguininapinktuxedo @topsyturvy-dream @diamond-dreamland @pnhanga @ladynonsense​ @mrsdrakewalkerblog @crookedslimecreatorpasta @liamxs-world​ @flowerpowell​ @bruteforcebears @withice​ @jared2612​ @darley1101​ @sleeplessescapades @leelee10898 @craftytacotrashdream​ @eileendannie​ @bella-ca @x0valkyrie​ @sunandlemons​

11/26/29 - Here we go again.  I bet you’re wondering why I’m rewriting/revamping TTS? Five months ago I got a critique about TTS saying that the reader felt it wasn’t realistic enough.  For them, things felt rushed and kind of disjointed (examples they gave were the beginning/agreeing to go to the wedding; glossing over Drake/Olivia’s relationship; Riley’s relationship with Paul; Maxwell and Andy’s engagement.  I’ll admit, my heart hurt a little because I had put so much time and energy into it and had been getting so much positive feedback that I kind of got blindsided by that critique. With everything that was going on in my life, I kind of just ignored it and moved on thinking that I’d address it when I had more time.  Of course, I didn’t really get back into writing again until recently.  So, I took the opportunity to reread TTS and I found that the reader who shall remain anonymous (lol!) was correct.  It was rushed . . . I did do a disservice to such awesome characters like Paul and Andy and Maxwell and even Olivia!  So I’m gonna do right by this critique and rework it so that it is a bit more realistic.

So?  What does that mean?  The plot is going to change.  Eek! I know.  Scary.  But the general premise will remain the same.  Plot twist - I already have the ending written and that won’t change.  But Riley’s time in Cordonia will be a bit different. :)

I really hope you guys decide to continue to follow along!

If you want to be removed from the tag or be tagged, please message me! :)

                                          PART 1 - LIFE GOES ON

“Oh my goodness,” I whispered.  “Roxy, you’re a magician,” I sighed as I inhaled the delightful cinnamon aroma permeating from my warm cup of cappuccino.

Roxy winked at me.  “I know what my best customer likes,” she chuckled.  “It’s been ages since you’ve swung by for a visit.  I had to make it just perfect for you.”

I smiled brightly at the owner of the coffee shop.  Roxy’s Coffee Shop had become a second home to me over the last two years.  I had stumbled across it back in college when I first came home to New York.  I was in between mid-term exams and needed somewhere to decompress before heading back to campus and happened upon this little hole in the wall café.  It was love at first sight.  Sure, there were a bunch of mainstream coffee shops scattered across the city, but there was just something that drew you in at Roxy’s.  For one, they had the coziest little set up going on.  The lighting is dimmed just right and the chairs are extra cozy – which is perfect when you want to get lost in a good book or in my case a really tough crossword puzzle.  Another thing?  Roxy makes THE best cup of cappuccino this side of the Hudson River.  I couldn’t count how many times I found myself huddled in a corner sipping a cup of Roxy’s perfectly brewed coffee after a long day of classes.

And that’s just where I am today – snuggled in a plush, brown chair at the far corner of the shop, steaming cappuccino in one hand and the New York Times in the other.  This was the life.  I brought the cup of cappuccino to my lips, savoring the delicious taste as I sipped it slowly.  “I’ve missed this,” I sighed happily.  “I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much,” I offered.  “Business has been crazy, and . . . well . . .you know how it goes when you’re your own boss,” I explained.

“Do I ever . . .” Roxy agreed.  “Stay as long as you like.  I’ll be sure to have Gus bring you a refill when you’re done,” she smiled.

“Best Barista Ever,” I exclaimed.

“Just you today or is that handsome hunk of man joining you?”  Roxy asked waggling her eyebrows.

“Just me,” I laughed.  “Paul’s in Boston.”

“Too bad,” Roxy winked at me.  “I’ll leave you to it,” she motioned toward the crossword puzzle page in front of me.  “Mmhmm, she chuckled.  Only girl I know that does the New York Times Crossword in pen,” she shook her head as she went off to tend to another customer.

Sighing, I leaned back into the chair getting myself comfortable.  Roxy had been right.  I hadn’t stopped by in at least a month.  After all, it had been just as long since I had an actual day off.  I was about due for some nice rest and relaxation.  When Alicia offered to do my consults for the day, I jumped at the opportunity to breakaway for a little while.  I was going a bit stir crazy in the four walls of my office.  Don’t get me wrong, I loved my job and I loved being my own boss even more, but I seemed to constantly be moving at the speed of light.  I started Savvy Events right out of college and despite the rocky start I had trying to get it off the ground, things have been booming every since.  

I loved the hustle and bustle of my fast-paced life.  My weekends were spent planning and coordinating some of the trendiest events in New York City.  So I wasn’t planning parties for the Kardashians just yet, but I did plan a party for one of the girls from Sex and the City once and it got featured in Glossy magazine.  That was pretty epic.  Mostly though, I found myself catering to high-end business professionals who were just too busy to plan parties themselves – corporate galas, year-end celebrations, weddings.  You name it; I pretty much could plan it.  My weekdays were just as busy – filled with client meetings, scouting visits, and designing sessions.  It wasn’t easy, but it kept me busy, the money was great, and I was really, really good at my job – if I do say so myself.  

Admittedly, there were times when I missed how much downtime I used to have.  I sometimes longed for the days when I could randomly decide to wander aimlessly around the city and discover all of the little idiosyncrasies that New York had to offer.  But the Riley back then didn’t have as much responsibilities as I do now.  Man, just thinking about how much has changed over the years makes me nostalgic for life pre-business.  I’ve come quite a long way from the days when I was waiting tables at that dingy little bar out in Brooklyn.  I couldn’t help but smile when I thought about all the late night shifts I spent working at Upscale.  I snorted at the memory.  Upscale . . . what a totally misleading name.  There was absolutely nothing upscale about that crummy, little bar.  The patrons were a bit too touchy, and my manager Craig was a giant ass.  It wasn’t all bad though.  My coworkers were fun and the tips were a dream, especially when I was trying to save up enough money to get back into college.  And if it wasn’t for that oh so glamorous waitressing gig . . . my life would have turned out pretty differently.  Hell, I never would have met him.  Had I not picked up that last party the night he walked into the bar, I never would have met the man that turned my life upside down.  I never would have had the opportunity to cross off so many items on my bucket list.  I never would have gotten to see the world outside of my tiny little studio in Brooklyn.  I never would have fallen in love.

Ouch.  Let’s not go there.  It had been months since I had even thought about him. I closed my eyes at the thought, clinging onto my cup just a tad bit tighter.  My heart had a slight twinge . . . of pain?  Regret maybe?  I shook my head, mentally chiding myself for letting myself go there again.  I was doing so well.  What had it been three months since I last thought about him?  Or them?  That had to be some sort of record.  They say time heals all wounds, and I was slowly starting to believe it.  It had been two years since everything had happened, and I refused to allow myself to ever be that weak again.  I’ll never let myself revert to the girl I was back then.  I came back to New York a ghost of my former self.  I remember feeling like the aching heartbreak would stay with me forever.  I thought that I would be doomed to a life of wallowing in my never-ending grief.

It still amazes me that I was somehow able to pick up the pieces of my broken life and glue them back together again.  It was a long and hard road that took many months, but here I am . . . almost as good as new.  Were the fractures still there?  Oh yes, of course.  Once something was broken, you couldn’t just pretend that it hadn’t shattered into a million pieces.  The cracks of my former life . . . as much as it killed me to still admit it . . . were still dancing along the surface of my rebuilt life . . . although faded they were still very much a reminder of everything that happened all those years ago.  

God, how tragically sappy.  The buzzing of my cell phone thankfully interrupted my thoughts.  Looking down, I saw my boyfriend’s name flash onto the screen.  I couldn’t help but smile.  Here I was dwelling on the past when my future was calling.  Paul had been away for the last three weeks facilitating a corporate merger between two well known companies.  Headquarters for both companies were based in Boston, and although his law firm was centered in New York City, they wanted him to go out and meet the clients directly in their neck of the woods.  He���d been flying in and out of Boston for the last few months.  I missed him something fierce when he was away, but we’d been getting by through countless text messages and many FaceTime sessions.

“Hi, Handsome,” I answered.  “I wasn’t expecting to hear from you until later today,” I murmured.

“Hey, Gorgeous, I know . . . but I just couldn’t let a whole morning go by without hearing your voice,” he responded.

“Well, lucky me then,” I smiled.  

“Luck you indeed because I also happen to have a surprise for you,” he said.

“Ooh,” I hummed.  “What kind of surprise?” I could feel my smile grow wider.  Paul was something special . . . he was funny . . . sweet . . . caring and oh so thoughtful.  He spoiled me.  A lot.  And I didn’t know exactly what I did to deserve snagging a guy like him, but I was certainly thankful for whatever powers that be that found us winding up together.

“Guess who was able to book an earlier flight and is flying in to see you in exactly three hours?” He said in a sing-song voice.

I was grinning so big my cheeks were starting to hurt.  “Shut up!” I exclaimed.  “Paul, that’s the best news I’ve heard all day.  And you know what?  You’re just in time for movie night,” I almost squealed.  “They just haven’ been the same without you these last few weeks,” I laughed thinking about what it’s been like him without the last few weeks.  I had used my best friend Andy as my stand-in date and she was less than thrilled at my movie selections.  “I’ve had to resort to spending movie nights with Andy and you know how that goes,” I chuckled.

“Oh, I have a funny inkling about how that went down.”  He chuckled.  “Let me guess, she demanded it be a sci-fi flick?”

I groaned.  “YES!” I exclaimed.  “She tried to get me to watch Deep Impact three times,” I sighed.  “I told her that I had no desire to watch a movie about a giant asteroid pummeling down to Earth, but she scoffed when I suggested Legally Blonde,” I said with a slight chuckle in my voice.  

Andy had been the first friend I made when I moved back to New York.  We found ourselves in the same creative writing class at Hudson University and instantly bonded over our love for all things French.  Before you knew it, we were inseparable.  I loved her to bits and pieces, but she drove me absolutely crazy.  For every similarity we had, there were at least two differences.  For one, I was an absolute neat freak . . . whereas Andy seemed to leave a trail of clutter wherever she went.  Even our taste in movies differed astronomically.  Andy was all about action-packed sci-fi thrillers, whereas I leaned more toward the cheesy romantic comedies.  Despite our differences, and me wanting to throttle her a time or two, she and I became tremendous friends, and I absolutely, positively couldn’t imagine what life would be without her.

“Let’s just say that last movie night resulted in a full blown popcorn fight,” I laughed.  “That I ended up cleaning all by myself,” I sighed.  “There were many a moment I wanted to shove a handful of popcorn in her mouth just to keep her mouth busy,” I chuckled.  I paused for a moment, before clearing my throat.  “It’s been a long few weeks, Paul.  I’ve missed you,” she murmured.

“I’ve missed you so much, too, baby.  Remind me not to leave you this long again. Next time, I’m packing you up with me,” he laughed

I grabbed the newspaper and threw it in my tote bag.  “Careful … I just might hold you to it.”

I glanced down at my watch and was a bit surprised with how much time had flown by.  “Ah damn, if you’re coming home in a few hours I should head back to my apartment.  Get things cleaned up a bit.  Maybe we can do dinner at Russo’s tonight if you aren’t too jetlagged?  Then maybe catch up on all our movie nights we missed while you were gone?”  I asked hopefully.

“Anything you want, babe.  I honestly don’t care what we do as long as I get to see your gorgeous face.”  

I could feel my cheeks grow hot at his compliment.  This guy.  My God, was he a sweet talker or what?  I got that our relationship was still in the honeymoon stage so to speak – we had only been exclusively dating for eight months after all, but man, did he know how to sweep a girl off her feet or what?  Butterflies?  Nope, I had full blown moths fluttering around in there, and somehow, he also managed to make me go weak in the knees each time I saw him.  

Admittedly, I wasn’t exactly keen on the idea of going out with him at first, but I’m very glad that he was able to wear me down eventually.  Yeah, the frequent trips to Boston were hard, but we were making it work.  And surprisingly, we hadn’t even had a single disagreement since we first started dating.  Our relationship was easy.  Comfortable even.  And well . . . normal.  God, how I craved normalcy.  Those were things that I never had with him.  Then again, I don’t think there was anything really normal about my relationship with him.  Ugh.  I’m doing it again.  Just stop.

Paul’s voice broke through my internal struggle.  “There’s ah … something I wanted to talk to you about, too.  Been thinking a lot about it while on the trip, and was hoping to run it by you today.”

“Oh?  Okay, that sounds good,” I replied, as I waved a quick goodbye to Roxy.  “I’ll see you in a few, babe,” I smiled as I tapped the end on my phone and left Roxy’s Coffee Shop.  

The trek back home wouldn’t take me long as I only lived a few blocks away.  There was so much I needed to do before he got in, but I was pretty excited to see Paul.  FaceTime was great, but nothing could replace seeing him in person or hearing his laugh right across from me.  We had met about a year after I returned to New York.  I had finally picked myself back up and moved on from my time in Cordonia.  I had reenrolled in college, finished my last semester and earned my Bachelor’s Degree in Business. Shortly after I graduated, I went to my local credit union and asked for a loan to start up my own business.  It was a gigantic risk at the time – after all, I had no backup plan if I failed miserably.  They started me off with a modest loan which I used to get the foundation of Savvy Events created.  Even with the loan, money was tight.  To cut down costs, I was working out of my apartment with only a single laptop and my design book.  

Paul’s law firm was one of my very first clients.  I’d been hired to coordinate an event honoring the firm’s newest partner – Paul.  When I went in to meet with him for the initial consultation, I found myself surprisingly attracted to him.  I hadn’t dated anyone since . . . well since Cordonia, and it wasn’t like I was looking to date again.  My heart was pretty shut off from jumping into ANY relationship, and when I met Paul and felt a little spark, I tried my best to snuff it out.  I didn’t NEED a relationship and I certainly didn’t WANT one.  Especially after the shitshow that had happened back in Cordonia, but there was something about Paul that kept drawing me in . . . even though I wanted none of it.  Paul was tall, slender with touches of gray in his dark hair.  He was just under ten years older than me, and he had an air of sophistication that was very fitting of a corporate attorney.  I tried my best to ignore the growing attraction between us.  It was my first major gig and I could not screw it up by being attracted to the guest of honor.  That would be a big no-no.  I wanted to keep things professional.  I also didn’t want my newly pieced back together heart, broken again.  I tried so hard to pretend that there wasn’t anything between us . . . but each meeting had me falling a lot more in like with him than I wanted.  He was sweet, charismatic and genuinely interested in knowing more about me.  That’s why, I wasn’t all too surprised that when the party was over he had asked me out to dinner and wouldn’t accept no for an answer.  

I agreed to a single dinner and made it clear that I wasn’t looking for anything serious.  I didn’t go into a lot of detail, but just gave him the rundown that my heart had been smashed to smithereens and there was no way in hell I was going to fall down that black hole again.  He was oh so patient and understood completely.  That single dinner turned into a standing weekly date which then turned into frequent movie nights throughout the week.  Eight months later, I’m still in major like with him.  LIKE.  Not love . . . I mean, yes, there have been moments when he does something so amazingly, sweet that I go all heart-eyes on him . . . but love . . . yeah, no.  Thanks to him, I don’t really think I can ever “love” someone so freely again.  If there was anything that I learned from my time in Cordonia it’s that love is a four letter word that makes you weak . . . and I’d be damned if I would allow myself to get swept up in that whirlwind again.

After wrestling with my thoughts, I found myself standing on the front stoop of my apartment building.  It was the typical New York City brick-built walk up.  It was in a pretty good area near a lot of shops and markets.  It was also ridiculously close to the subway making it so easy to find yourself in any one of the other boroughs of the city.  Because of that it was obscenely expensive.  I mean, two bedroom apartments in New York are already obscenely expensive, but one in close proximity to the subway typically broke the bank.  Thank God for Andy.  Without her splitting of the rent, we never would have been able to afford something in this area.

I climbed up the three flights of stairs to my apartment unit, all the while, butterflies floated around happily in my stomach.  My mind raced to what I was going to wear to our early dinner tonight.  It also drifted to what Paul wanted to talk to me about.  He seemed a bit vague about it.

“Hey,” I said happily as I walked through the front door.  I threw my keys onto the island in the kitchen.  Andy was sitting on the floor furiously typing away on her laptop.  Papers were strewn all around her in different piles.  

“How’s the thesis going?” I asked, eyeing a few of the crumpled, wadded up paper next to her.

Andy stretched her arms over her head, yawning.  “I’ve been at this since seven this morning and got all of one page done.  You tell me.”  She snorted.  

Andy was an English major who had earned her Bachelor’s Degree two semesters ago.  Her educational goals were much loftier than my own.  She wanted her PhD.  I just wanted to get the hell out of school.  It had already taken me a bit longer than expected to get my degree, and I didn’t have the funds or drive to continue any further beyond my BA.  

Andy was in her second semester of Hudson’s Literary Studies MA program, and I didn’t envy her in the slightest.  While my life had become consumed with all things Savvy Events, her life was consumed by her thesis.  I didn’t understand why someone would willingly spend so many hours of their life working on a paper that could either make or break your educational endeavors, especially when there was going to be more schooling and papers waiting for her on the other side of her MA.  She’d still have at least four more years in her doctoral program.  I internally cringed at even the thought of it.  Andy had mentioned a few times that she’d probably have to move out of state to pursue the PhD program that she wanted.  I didn’t even want to think about what that meant for our friendship.  

Andy had been my saving grace when I first moved back to New York.  And if I were being honest, she was the only friend I had for quite a while upon returning.  When I had come home to New York, a lot of my college friends had graduated and moved out of state.  Even my old coworkers at Upscale had found new jobs and moved on with their lives.  A lot changes in six months.  I was left in a state of limbo, not really having anywhere to go or anyone to turn to.  Meeting Andy was a blessing that I so desperately needed at a time when I wasn’t really sure what to do with my life.  

I never really told Andy what happened to land me back in New York, and being the godsend that she is, she never pushed or pried.  I vaguely mentioned that I had been traveling out of the country for a while, and she assumed that I had been a part of some foreign exchange program.  She never prodded and I never corrected her because . . . well . . . talking about Cordonia . . . and him . . . would just reopen the wounds that had taken so very long to heal.  I wanted a clean break from all things Cordonian.  I left no contact number or forwarding address.  I wanted them to forget I ever existed, and to be honest, I wanted to forget they had ever existed, too.  

“Hey, one page is better than nothing right?”  I popped open the refrigerator grabbing a soda can out of it.  “Want one?”  I said as I held up a can to offer Andy.

“I’m good.  I’m wired on three cups of coffee right now.  I don’t think my body can handle any more caffeine right now.  So how was your day off?”

“It was fantastic.”  I sighed happily.  “Paul’s flying in today . . . in a few hours in fact.”

Andy cocked her eyebrow.  “Really?  I thought he was going to be gone for nearly a month?”  

“Me too, but I guess his negotiations must have wrapped up quicker than expected, so he’s flying back.  We’re doing dinner tonight at Russo’s, so you’re on your own tonight okay?  Looks like my movie partner is back in action,” I chuckled as I made my way toward my bedroom.

“Thank God!” Andy exclaimed.  “Your taste in movies is horrendous, geeze,” she sighed.  “Wait . . . does that mean you guys are planning on coming back here and having some post business trip loving, because I was planning on working until at least eleven tonight.”

“Andy!” I yelled, turning away from my doorway.  “Seriously?” I narrowed my eyes at her.

“I’m just saying!  Every time that man goes away on business, you can’t keep your hands off of each other when he gets back. I mean, I get it, you’re still in the honeymoon phase of your relationship … but can you may be spread the lovey dovey googly eyes crap at his place tonight?  I do not like being the third wheel,” she said pointedly.

“Stop it,” I scolded.  “And we aren’t that bad,” I chided.  “I mean . . . yes when he comes back from his business trips we are quite happy to actually be together in person again . . . but we hardly push any hard limits . . . we always keep it to a nice and comfortable PG-13 level, thank you very much.”

Andy waggled her eyebrows.  “Sure, you keep telling yourself that.”  

I rolled my eyes and threw my balled up jacket at her head.  “I’m going to go get ready for tonight.  Get your mind out of the gutter.”

As I turned into my bedroom and started to rummage through my closet for something to wear, I heard Andy enter my room behind me.  "Hey, before you go off to get all glamorous for your date …  you got mail today.  Seems pretty fancy . . . and it looks like it has some sort of foreign postmark.  Cor-something?  I can’t make out the rest,” she said as she squint her eyes to make out the lettering.  

My hand clenched on my closet’s door, an unsettling feeling forming in the pit of my stomach.  “Foreign?” I asked, turning to stare at Andy, my jaw clenching.  “What do you mean foreign?  What’s it say?” I asked, abandoning the clothes in my closet.

Andy had the envelope in her hand and looked at it again.  It was a cream-colored envelope.  She scrunched up her face again.  “Well, the postmark looked weird, and I had to sign some sort of funky slip of paper to acknowledge that I received it,” she shrugged.  “I can’t really read the full postmark.  Look,” she motioned to the envelope.  “It even has a fancy red seal on it.”  

My heart beat faster in my chest and my legs felt like they were turning into noodles.  A wave of emotions washed over me.  Foreign postmark . . . red seal . . . it couldn’t be.  Could it?  Not after all this time.  I mean . . . it’s about two years too late to be reaching out.  The thoughts hummed through my head as I eyed the envelope in Andy’s hand.  

I cleared my throat, trying to steady my voice.    “Does it say who it’s from?”

Andy shrugged nonchalantly, as if the letter she was holding wasn’t the ticking time bomb that it was.  “Nope, just some sort of insignia.”  Andy handed me the envelope.  “Does it look familiar?”

I swallowed hard, my eyes dropping to the seal.  My fingers traced the wax seal on the envelope.  Did it look familiar?  Of course it did.  I’d seen the crest hundreds of times during my time in Cordonia.  Bertrand and Maxwell had made sure that I was familiar with all of the court’s seals and crests.  I wanted to speak, but my voice cracked a little in the process.  How could this happen?  Fifteen minutes ago I was so excited that Paul was flying home . . . . now all I felt was absolute dread.  The butterflies from earlier were gone, replaced by a gnawing feeling of anxiety.

“Ri?” Andy questioned.

I lifted my head.  “Hm?” I asked as I felt my eyes glazing over.

“Does it look familiar?” She asked again.  I could sense the impatience growing in her voice.

“Y-yes,” I replied softly.

I could feel Andy’s eyes boring into me.  “Well?  What is it?” She asked.  “Who’s it from?”

I licked my lips nervously, and cleared my throat.  “It’s the family crest of House Beaumont from Cordonia.” I replied softly.  My chest felt tight, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe.  I braced myself on the arm of the couch, trying to sit down.  I tried my best to remain composed, but I could already feel hot tears pricking my eyes.

Andy scrunched her face up in confusion.  “From where?”

[gansey-just-gansey]

Punk History 101 part nine

“Hey, wake up,” Blue said softly, gently nudging Gansey. He groaned and rolled over, ensnaring her in his arms. “No, really, it's time to wake up. We're going to be late.”

The past two weeks had been amazing. Since that first date, Blue had spent every night with Gansey. They only parted for class or when Blue had to work. Sometimes not even then. Gansey would show up to Nino's, usually with flowers or chocolate or other expensive and perishable gift and stay until her shift ended. She would remind him that it was a huge waste of time and money and he would remind her that he wasn't a dragon, hoarding away large sums of money for no reason. She was not amused by that.

Sometimes he would come alone, sometimes with friends. Blue's favorite of his friends was a boy named Henry that would jokingly flirt with her. Well, she wasn't sure it was joking, but Gansey always laughed it off so Blue didn't worry about it too much.

They spent most of the time together in Gansey's apartment, watching trashy TV and making out lazily on the couch or building a miniature version of their college campus out of cereal boxes and glue. Ronan informed her that it was a privilege to be allowed to help him with this project, even Ronan wasn't given this opportunity. Later, when they were alone, Gansey told her that that was because Ronan was “a god of destruction sent solely to ruin all that gives me hope” which loosely translated to “Ronan accidentally stepped on one of the buildings once and I still haven't forgiven him”.

They had the apartment to themselves often because Ronan and Adam had hit it off well, and they spent the nights in Adam and Blue's place, a switch that worked well for everyone. They had all gone on exactly one double date, which had devolved into a lively debate of anarcho feminism and anarcho communism and the merits of both between Blue and Ronan, completely forgetting Gansey and Adam. Gansey had hardly been able to keep his hands off her on the way home from that date. She had to keep pushing his hand back down her thigh the whole time to keep Adam and Ronan from getting a free show from the backseat.

Since she lived next door, it was easy to pop in to change her clothes, shower, and check in with Adam most mornings, passing Ronan in the hall and giving him a high five on the way in. It had all become fairly routine, but Blue never took it for granted. She was immensely pleased every time she woke up next to him, every time he brought her offerings, every time he fell to his knees to prove his worship of her.

That made her voice tender as she prodded him into wakefulness. “Gansey, it's time for class.”

“I don't want to leave you yet,” he grumbled, pulling her tighter to him.

“You don't have to. It's Monday. We have Womens' History first.”

He opened one eye and focused on her. “But you'll leave to get dressed first.”

“Well yeah, but then we'll be together for class.” She sat up on the edge of the bed, stretching deeply before getting up to collect her clothes from where they'd been flung the night before.

“You know, if you kept some of your stuff here, you wouldn't need to leave me so often,” he observed.

“Yeah, and if I had a million dollars I wouldn't need to go to work and could stay with you even more,” she teased.

“If you moved in with me, you wouldn't have to work so often either,” he pushed.

Blue started to laugh, but then caught his expression. He looked serious. “You're kidding, right? Please say you're kidding.”

“Why? It makes sense. You're always here anyway. Leases are up at the end of the semester, we could easily move in together.”

“It makes no sense! We've known each other twelve weeks and I've hated you for half of them. People move in after months of actually liking each other, if not years. Besides, I don't want to rely on you. I can and do support myself.”

“Ronan and Adam are on board,” he argued.

“What?” Blue asked, pausing with only one foot in her jeans.

“Ronan and Adam want to move in together for next semester,” he said.

“There's no way Adam agreed to move in and be beholden to Ronan,” she argued, her accent becoming thicker as she grew more upset.

“It's not becoming beholden to someone, Blue,” Gansey sighed. “It'd actually be cheaper so it would save you money that way. And you split the grocery costs with Adam, yeah? It'd be like that, but between the five of us.”

“It wouldn't be any cheaper if we stay in the same apartments we- wait, did you say 'the five of us'?”

“Yes,” Gansey drawled the word out. “Us, Ronan, Adam, and Henry. Henry was going to jump on our lease and we were going to upgrade to a three bedroom. You guys can do the same. We can even go up to a four bedroom if you want, so you can have your own space. I think they might even have five bedroom ones across campus. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Blue stopped arguing, looking at Gansey suspiciously. It was hard, what with the constant gifts and take out food every night, to forget that Gansey was exponentially wealthier than she was. She always insisted on at least paying for part of the meals, but she could never balance out scales. With less expensive rent, she could tip the scales to at least a more even keel

“I'll think about it,” she finally said.

Gansey's whole face lit up like a kid's on Christmas. “I'll take it. Now come back to bed.”

“Nice try. I'll see you in ten minutes.” She finished pulling on her jeans and left to let him get ready.

“You could skip one day, you know,” he called after her. “Let loose! Reckless abandon!”

“Blink song,” she shouted back before opening the door to meet Ronan in the hall for their daily high five. She had to jump to reach his hand.

When Blue came in, she went straight to Adam's room. “What the hell?” she asked.

“What the hell, what?” Adam asked, pulling a black shirt over his head. He had to work at the shop tonight.

���You're moving in with Ronan next semester?”

“Oh. Yeah, it makes sense. Get the cheaper rent with the added bonus of not having to room with strangers. People move in with people they've only known a semester all the time. We just have the added benefit of being in a relationship.” He shrugged.

“You could've at least told me,” she said, not being able to come up with an argument for that.

“I was going to but Gansey insisted on asking you himself.”

“Whatever. Are you sure you want to live with Henry, though?” she laughed, walking toward her bedroom.

“If it'd get me cheaper rent and bills, I'd move in with a pig at this point. Not a messy person, a literal farm animal. Too bad pigs can't get jobs,” his voice following her down the hall.

~~~~

At one, Blue met Gansey for lunch in one of the dining halls. Henry tagged along, having just come from photography class with Gansey.

“Hey, Sargent,” Henry said, picking Blue up in a hug and spinning her around once.

“Cheng,” she answered, slightly out of breath. “How are you?”

“Fabulous as always,” he replied. “And yourself?”

“Pretty good. I was completely blindsided this morning with the idea that we're all moving in together next semester,” she threw a look at Gansey, who smiled sheepishly.

“Ah, so he finally broke the news. I can't imagine you said yes because he hasn't been crowing with joy all class. On the other hand, it is very hard to say no to him.”

“I'm thinking about it,” Blue said, remaining uncommitted.

They got their food and found a table near the door, Blue and Gansey on one side of the table and Henry on the other.

“So that was a pretty good presentation you had,” Henry said to Gansey half-way through their meal.

“Oh?” Blue turned to Gansey. “What was it on?”

“The nature of eroticism. Basically it was a bunch of pictures of things that people find sexy excluding nudity.” Gansey tried to downplay it, but Blue could tell he was proud.

“What were the pictures of then?”

“There were lots of them. Most of them were you.”

“Me?” Blue asked. Gansey was often taking pictures of her, saying he couldn't believe she needed proof of her own body. He had yet to show her any, though. She had just assumed he hadn't developed them yet. She hadn't known he was making a whole project of her.

“Of course. You're the perfect subject. You rarely ever pose and yet everything you do is effortlessly sexy,” he said, putting his arm around her shoulders.

“That's true. I mean, you even made smoking sexy somehow,” Henry agreed, winking at her.

“What are you talking about?” Blue asked, though her stomach had already dropped. She tried to remember another time Gansey had shot her smoking. She couldn't think of one, but surely there was no way Gansey had included the picture she was thinking of.

“The one of you in the black lingerie smoking on Gansey boy's lap,” he confirmed. “At least I assumed it was you from the compromising position. Have I made a terrible mistake?”

No, Henry hadn't made a terrible mistake. Gansey had. “You included the picture from the morning after our first date?” she asked, rounding him.

“Yes?” his voice went up at the end, making it a question.

“The one of me, half naked and sitting in your lap?” Her voice was the calm before the storm.

“That's the one,” he said in a small voice.

Blue took a deep breath. Then another one. And another. Her rage levels weren't getting lower. “Why the fuck would you think it would be acceptable for you to expose my body to a whole class of people without my permission?” her voice whipped out.

Gansey paled slightly. “I didn't think of it like that.”

“No, you wouldn't have, would you? Because you assume you can have whatever you want, when you want it.” Gansey flinched back, as though her words were a physical thing, weighing on him. “You think you have a right my body, to my living arrangements, to my feelings, to me. Well you don't.” She pushed back her chair and walked away from the boys, both half reaching for her, though neither stupid enough to actually touch her right then. “Fuck you, Gansey,” she threw over her shoulder and pushed out the door.

[caps-clever-girl]

thoughts on endgame.

fair warning, i am not going to be kind. i enjoyed watching this movie, for the most part. it was funny; it had many good jokes and good, pure and well done interactions between multiple characters. but i didnt like it, and here are the reasons why.

unfortunately, this isnt a ‘nitpicky’ post. my main problems are with a lot of the bigger points points of the film, and had quite a few. this is a LONG post.

• “marvels first gay character!!!!!!!!!!!!” shut up. you joined the ‘fad’ late for brownie points and it was a cameo character who got about 3 lines. there are plenty of canon queer and gay characters who could have been introduced, either as cameos or in earlier films. dont even get me started on the fact that tony has more canon bi material than most others and marvel could have taken the time or even the slightest bit of effort to make this. while i enjoyed the jokes about steve being Incredibly Hot and his ass being Gods Gift To America (which honestly??? correct!) that could have been expanded on. several characters made comments about how nice steve’s ass is, and could have been used as actual material for a queer character, instead of sticking a random chharacter in there. i get the whole ‘gay people could be anyone! its normal!’ thing by giving the ‘role’ to a regular person, but you would also prove that by making any one of your 30+ main cast actually queer instead of making gay jokes and hints that could be retconned and explained away by humour.

• slapping someone out of a panic attack, and treating the panic attack like a joke. yeah, i get it, they didnt have a lot of time. still, come on. did iron man 3 teach you nothing? apparently not since tonys ptsd was pretty much never brought up again.

• speaking of thor. now, i am not an expert, but when a person gains weight, they do not keep their abs. certainly not after five entire years - not even asgardians. i also found it odd that thor became the way he did. i understand gaining weight and comfort eating after all the trauma thor went through losing his home and brother and people, i really do, but 1.) do it properly, at least, and 2.) thor is the leader of his people. does he want the task? not particularly. he hasnt wanted to be king since the first thor movie, but hes been forced into the role. even depressed i dont think thor would shy away from it, not completely. hes always wanted to do right by his people and i think that hed stuck to it, especially after The Snap backing him into a corner, if that makes sense. to clarify, i dont have a problem with chubby/fat thor. (IF done right instead of with weird, shitty cgi, that is.) i have a problem with the fact that thor, even though he doesnt want to be king, would abandon the last remanents displaced people to build a new home all on their own and become a hermit gamer boy. ESPECIALLY with valkyrie around. she’s been through a derpressive, alcohol fuelled time in her life and thor pulled her out of it. (mostly anyway, asgardians are party animals and im p sure she still gets trolleyed on the reg) i have bo doubt that after years of wallowing she would do her damned best to try and kick his ass out of it, even if it were just because his people need a leader, instead of letting him drop everything on her and just let him stew while new asgard gets on with it. i also didnt like the fact that all of thors emotional moments were treated as jokes and made to be funny when hes genuinely Fucked Up about eveything thats happening and made his image into a whiny crybaby.

• professor hulk. more of a personal one, this, simply because i just didnt like it. fair enough if y’all disagree on this one, im not going to fight it. i just never saw him wanting to combine himself with the hulk. ever. when he apleared on the screen i was completely blindsided, and his explanation, and the way he interacted with the kids????? i just want to know where all of this confidence suddenly came from. i use the term ‘suddenly’ loosely, since its been five years, but bruce has never been the guy to care about strength or looks or fame. hes always been shy and nerdy. not afraid to stand his ground or make his opinion known. hes bot a catchphrase, posing and flexing ‘hell yeah lets take a selfie’ guy. i get that thats maybe the result of the hulk and bruces combined personality but it just felt WEIRD to me, like, there wasnt a time in the film where i felt comfortable with the character. this was the final avengers film, with all of the original six avengers in it. but it didnt feel like that, it didnt feel like bruce or the hulk was in the film, even though there was a lot of funny and good moments with orofessor hulk, it felt like a stranger with some familiar characteristics. it ruined any feelings of nostalgia for me. i like bruce, and i like the hulk. i like the way their differences add to the story and the way they interact with eachother, and the slow change in their relationship. sorry if its petty but i prefer them seperate, theres just so much more to them for me.

• clint and natasha’s journey for the soul stone. both times, in infinity war and endgame, a male character and a female character went to get the soul stone. both times the male came back and the female died, and we lost possibly two most developed and main-line female characters in the entire mcu. now i understand the reasoning for both, and out of the characters that went there, i agree with the choice. thanos and gamora; it was thanos who was aware of the sacrifice and who chose to make it. gamora didnt get a choice and was unaware until it was too late. thanos was never going to die there. he knew there would be a sacrifice and chose to take gamora, because she would be the most likely sacrifice to actualky sucsesfully yield the soul stone because she was the most loved by him. i get it, but we lost gamora and i dont like it. clint and natasha; looking at it completely objectively, clint has a family, a wife and three children, that he wants to get back. natasha does not have any children, nor any (blood) family. if i had to choose, based on facts like that, id choose her too. but i still hate it, because there goes the only female member of the avengers. also, nebula (and i think maybe rocket?) KNEW that a sacrifice would be made and either accidentaly or deliverately left out the terms of aquiring the soul stone. it would have been easy to tell, if not easy to solve. but nothinb was said, and two best friends had to make a fucking awful and horrible choice when they might not have had to.

• on the ‘feminism’ tangent; the random congragation of women in the end scene??????? i dont????? okay so i am marking myself as a hypocrite here because i did love this scene!!! it made my lil gay heart go boom to see so many good and strong women all in one place - ESPECIALLY rescue - and it also made me realise how many women there actually are across the mcu??? which was really nice?? but it just felt... so forced? the way they ALL suddenly apleared and stood together even though they were all mixed in around the battlefield. it was a wonderful thought and i did enjoy it, but it seemed too Off and Odd to seem as much more than a bid for Feminism Brownie Points.

• captain marvel. i dont know about you, but i was actually looking forward to her being in the film. for a character so hyped to be the saviour of the avengers and the end of thanos, she was barely in the film. ‘i have other planets to save, the earth isnt the only one affected by thanos’ yeah but earth is the only plannet actively attacked by him. its where the people who are rallying to fight him and reverse what he did are. dont you want to stick around and help them? surely it would be a hell of a lot easier with your help, and faster too. yes, she blasted theough the ship at the end, but she did fuck all to help defeat thanos himself, and the help she did give with the ship came at the end. i genuinely think they kept her out of the movie because she was too powerful, and would have made fighting thanos etc too easy to get all the suffering and noble sacrifices in. if she had been a side character i dont think id be as mad, but she got a whole MOVIE in which she is clearly the start of the entire avengers initiative; she is their HISTORY!!!! she is so powerful!!!! and yet she has 5 mins of screen time!! it pisses me off that she was So Strongly implied to be the character the avengers NEEDED, the one that without whom it would be IMPOSSIBLE to defeat thanos; the woman that really tipped the scales in there favour, and yet she did fuck all. (and lets not even get started on the carol/rhodey and carol+tony bromance we COMPLETELY missed out on.)

• (speaking of bonding what the fuck happened to tony and nebula????? after they were rescued it was like they never met)

• the whole entire concept of time what the fuck!!! ‘dont change anything’ okay well for the most part you did okay, and the PLAN and CONCEPT was actually really easy to grasp, at least to me, which is hard when working with paradoxes and wibbley-wobbley timey-wimey stuff. but that went out the water when past!thanos and his army were brought into the future and disintergrated. does this mean they’re dead in the past - since they would have just. Left and not come back and therefore ceased to exist from that point???? or did tonys Snap simply send them back to their point in time, with no memory of what had occured? idk because it aint explained.

• speaking of; loki. again - his past changed; he managed to escape, with the tessarect. this is not explained nor expanded upon. assuming the events of thor 2 came about - which were impossible if he escaped - then his timeline would carry on as normal, and would PERHAPS explain the tessarects wacky timeline. (i dont know for certain, because i cant work it out anyway). but loki disspearing means he wouldnt have gone to trial on asgard, nor would he wouldnt have been in thor 2 - also by extention meaning that frigga is still alive. technically if he went back to get odin off the throne anyway, everything else after thor 2 involving loki/asgard would still come to pass. either way, we dont know. it was a nice way for endgame to give fans what we wanted; the posibility of loki coming back. but it doesnt make a lick of sense, and we have no idea if hes still alive/escaped or not, and why. personally i have no fucking idea and im pretty sure it was a cop out so they could give us what we wanted. which brings to my other point:

• giving the audience what we wanted. we got loki interaction. we got loki ‘escaping’ and ‘surviving’ (????) we FINALLY got rescue, who many fans have been asking for since i think iron man 2, and even more so since The Badass That Was Pepper Potts in im3. we got morgan stark and tony and pepper married, we got jokes about steves ass, and more jokes about male characters admiring how hot other male characters are. and, most importantly, we got tony having the nice relaxing life he wanted out in his cabin in the woods with his wife and kids (even if it was a horrific way of getting there). i dont quite know how to explain it, but to me it seemed like they were shoving as many ‘fan-requests’ into the film as possible - so that when they killed off 2 of the original 6, and removed another by ageing him out of use, they could lessen the backlash and justify the changes by going ‘but you got so mych that you wanted beforehand!!’. a tactic they drenhed us with because one of those 2 was a fan favourite that people were BEGGING not to be killed off because they felt that he hadnt recieved anywhere near the peace or happiness he deserved so far - and now never will. which brings me to:

• tony’s death.

there are two parts to this.

one, i was incredibly pissed off because strange’s Big Plan, the ONLY reason he saved tony in infinity war, was so tony could use the gauntlet and kill himself anyway later. anyone in that film could have used that gauntlet - and many wouldnt have suffered fatal injuries; captain marvel, steve, t’challa, peter quill to name a few possibilities - basically, anyone who is in anyway enhanced would have had a better chance of surviving and would have therefore been the better choice; aka, half the mcu. i think it was a proximity thing; tony was closest. he had the oppertunity and the others didnt. but tony didnt know about the option of using it until strange looked at him and gave him ‘the signal.’ the signal to sacrifice himself. and of course, this is tony stark. when is he ever going to refuse that.

but reason two, and this is the one that stings the most; tony started the mcu.

in my opinion, he is the character who has put the most in during the whole ten years. he, of ALL the characters, deserves his happy ending of marrying the love of his life and having a kid, without constantly fearing that hes foing to have them ripped away from him, that hes going to have to fight to the death to keep them safe.

one of my friends, when i complained about tony dying, said; “it was his time. plus, he had a legacy! with pepper and morgan, and the iron man name. how can you be upset?”

i can be upset because tony got the happiness he wanted after losing exactly 50% of what he held dearest. i can be upset because hawkeye got his family back, but tony only got five years with his wife and less with his kid, instead of getting the oppertunity to grow old with his wife and watch his kid go to collage like clint will. i can be upset because the character that has gone through the most trauma, both physically and mentally, who spent the last ten years trying to better the world and everything in it and protect it, who got the most shit for every decision he made and who ended EVERY SINGLE FILM with a broken limb or his face littered with bruises and cuts while every other film centric character ended the film usually scrape free, didnt get his happy fucking ending. sure, he has a legacy. but i dont give a shit, because that legacy - of iron man, of morgan and pepper and stark industries - would have been there whether tony was alive to see it flourish or not. but he wont be.

this goes beyond being a ‘tony stan’ or tony being my favourite character. out of every single character, from start to finish, anthony edward stark fucking deserved a happy ending and by god he deserved it the most. i will argue that until my end of days.

i watched tony stark on screen for ten years, and i watched him get progressively more scarred and fucked up. his parents. the ten rings. losing yinsen. obie. vanko and hammer. the palladium poisoning. new york; the nuke and the wormhole. the ptsd, the panic attacks. the iron legion and retirement attempt. killian and extremis and the end of that returement attempt. wanda’s vision. jarvis being destroyed. the accords and subsequent civil war. finding out about the winter soldier and his hand in his parents death. finding out that steve knew. siberia. struggling to balence iron man and the accords. losing peter. being stranded on titan, in space for weeks.

tony in that wheelchair, shaking and rail thin and unable to stand for more than a few moments will haunt me forever.

i watched him suffer for ten years - longer, even, in-universe - clawing for his quiet, happy ending while fighting for the happy ending he thought the rest of the world deserved, and instead of getting rewarded he just got beaten down and beaten down. after ten fucking hears of watching the backbone of the entire franchise get nothing but shit piled on him until he struggled to breathe for it, excuse me for thinking he woukd finally get the chance to crawl out from under it and be happy. no strungs attatched, no awful, sacrificial price to be payed, just for a man who had given so. fucking. much. to finally get something for once, and be allowed to keep it.

well i was wrong. and i feel so incredibly fucking stupid for even hoping otherwise.

and thats what i didnt like about avengers endgame.

[gimmesumsuga]

Sweeter than Sweet (37)

Pairings: Jimin x reader, Yoongi x reader, Namjoon x reader, Taehyung x reader + others as the story progresses

Warnings: Mild angst, graphic descriptions of sex, unprotected sex, blood-drinking

Word count: 3.8K

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The clothes you'd collected end up in a crumpled pile on the floor when you drop them without a thought beside you, freeing up your hands to take hold of Jimin’s face and brush away his tears as they fall one after another.  You're at a loss for words, staring down the beautiful, broken man looking back at you.  

How could he possibly think that that's what you meant?  Does Jimin really think your love so shallow that something like this would make you abandon him?  Of course he does - why would he think any different when he's already been cast aside once by someone he'd loved for so long?

You realise now that this is what Jimin’s overwhelmingly emotional reaction is about; he's gone into a total panic, assuming that you taking some space is synonymous with drawing your relationship to a close.  It breaks your heart to know he’s thinking that way because you can only imagine what your reaction would be if Jimin told you it was over.  You’d probably be ten times the mess he is and a million times less attractive, what with your propensity to develop a red, splotchy face and runny nose whenever you’re upset.  

“Jimin, I’m not-”  You pause to swallow, realising that your eyes are starting to threaten tears too, “That’s not what I meant, not at all.”  Jimin’s moisture filled eyes just keep searching yours, pleading for answers and for reassurance as you struggle to keep up with wiping away the salty trails on his cheeks.  “I’m not going anywhere, ok?  Never.”  

“I thought…” He trails off, pressing his eyes closed as he turns his head, biting his lip as pain flashes across his face.  You use your hold on his face to turn it back to you, and when he opens his eyes again you look down into them with an intensity that borders on fierce.

“You thought wrong.  I’m not leaving you, Jimin.  I’d never do that to you.”  Grabbing hold of his hands that are still clutching onto the backs of his thighs you pull him to standing, looking up at him now rather than down, relieved that no more fresh tears seem to making an appearance.  “You mean too much to me,” you tell him softly, linking together your fingers where they hang by your side and stepping closer so you can rest your cheek against Jimin’s chest and close your eyes.  His breathing is still a little ragged, chest shuddering slightly as he exhales, but as soon as you’re pressed to him Jimin squeezes your hands, pressing his face into your hair and inhaling deeply, like the scent of you soothes some primal part of him.  

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs quietly, his voice sounding tight and raw from all the crying he’s done.

Honestly, Jimin doesn’t need to apologise to you anymore.  Any remaining anger you had, any doubt about wanting to be around him, it’s all been completely wiped away by seeing him this way.  If it’s a manipulation on his part to earn instant forgiveness then it’s definitely a good one, but something in your gut tells you that his reaction was nothing but genuine.  

“I know you are,” you say into Jimin’s chest, pulling your hands from his and wrapping your arms around him instead, your palms pressed to his shoulder blades.  

“I just love you so much…”  Jimin fingers start to run through your hair, the other wrapped around your waist as your heart flutters as it always does on hearing those words.  “I’ve got no self-control when you’re around; my temper, my thirst, my desire… it all goes to hell.”  One of Jimin’s gentle fingers comes to rest under your chin to tilt your face upward, and when you look at him again Jimin looks almost back to his normal self - save the bruises on his face and swollen nose and jaw.  “You have no idea what you do to me.”  

“I think I know how you feel,” you answer softly, because you really, truly do.  You’d never thought you could feel like this, and it’s as scary as it as liberating, all at the same time.  Your heart feels swollen in your chest, thumping like it’s trying to break through your ribs to get to him, and ever the slave to your impulses you tip forward to press your mouth to Jimin’s in an eager kiss, melting into him when he kisses you back just as desperately.  

“I love you,” you tell him between the meeting of your lips, and the next time they press you feel Jimin’s curved into a slight smile, his hand twisting in your hair to pull you closer.  

Gently, you kitten-lick at Jimin’s lips until he parts them, granting you access to his mouth.  It almost feels strange kissing this way; you’re so used to Jimin taking the lead that to have him hold back and allow you to explore the cavern of his mouth, rolling your tongue against his, feels completely foreign.  Odd - but wonderful all the same.

You moan quietly when Jimin lightly sucks on your bottom lip, and on hearing the sound you make he suddenly scoops you up in his arms without warning, only breaking your kiss when you wince slightly from the ongoing soreness of your hip.  Jimin smiles apologetically at you, adjusting his grip enough to carry you comfortably over to the bed bridal style, and when he pulls away after carefully laying you down there's nothing but love burning in his eyes for you, so intense that it takes your breath away.

“Jimin...” you faintly implore, extending your reach towards him as he climbs onto the bed too, leaning over you as you pull his vest up and over his head, no longer possessing the nerves that would’ve once made you hesitate.  You long to feel his naked body pressed to yours, that familiar ache starting to take you over as he unhurriedly removes your shirt too.  He's so being so soft and so gentle that it only makes you want him more, and with eager hands you slide down his sweats and boxers too, smiling into the kiss you're sharing when he fumbles in trying to kick them off.  

When you feel Jimin's hard length nudge against your stomach you keenly wrap him in your palm and tease him with a firm squeeze, adoring the stilted moan that it pulls from his lips.  Jimin’s hips flex forward gently with each and every stroke of your hand, his eyes closed above you, dragging his bottom lip through his teeth as you torment him with slow pleasure.  

He changes position, letting himself sink into the mattress to lie on his side, and as soon as his graceful hands are freed from supporting his weight they start working on your pants, Jimin obviously keen for you to be as naked as he is.  He takes his time, kissing you leisurely as you continue to pleasure him, making him groan into the kiss more than once as he strips your lower half.

As soon as Jimin’s able to he’s touching you, rubbing his fingertips gently back and forth between your folds as you match his pace, steadily moving your hand up and down his cock with a gentle twist of your wrist.  You honestly hadn’t realised just how wet his kiss had made you, but it’s hardly a surprise; your body has never had an issue in responding to even the lightest of Jimin’s touches, and today is no exception.  

The feel of his fingers starting to circle your clitoris only further heightens your awareness of your own state of arousal, almost completely forgetting about pleasuring Jimin when he firmly rubs at the hardened bud, your pelvic muscles clenching as you moan into the pillow.  He kisses you deeply, tongue brushing yours as your hips flex forward towards his hand, trying to lure him in by tiling halfway onto your back and letting your thighs fall further apart.  

Thankfully Jimin takes your not-so-subtle hint; one of his fingers slipping inside, groaning against your neck as he feels your warm, wet walls squeezing around the intrusion.  As soon as you’ve accommodated the first then a second joins it, and when Jimin starts to make slow, taunting come hither movements against your g-spot your hips start to move all of their own accord, pushing back with every curl of his fingers.

“I want you,” Jimin murmurs into the valley of your breasts, uttered between lingering kisses on that softest of flesh.  

“Take me then,” you encourage breathlessly, squirming as his fine, silver hair tickles your skin.  For another minute or so Jimin continues to stroke at your insides, relishing the sweet, needy sounds you make, but eventually he withdraws his fingers from your heat and then wordlessly takes hold of your hand, smiling as he rolls onto his back and takes you with him, maneuvering your bodies so that you’re on top, straddling his thighs.  

At first you can only look down at him in confusion, your eyebrows raised as you struggle to understand.  This uncharacteristic act of submission on his part has left you completely blindsided, and when Jimin reads the expression on your face he chuckles quietly, sitting up for a moment to cup your cheeks in his hands and kiss you with so much passion that it leaves you breathless.  

Jimin doesn’t need to say anything when the kiss ends and he lays back down; the love shining in his eyes and the timid, sweet smile on his lips tells you everything you need to know and more.  This changing of roles is Jimin trying to demonstrate just how much you mean to him - his relinquishing of control acting as a display of the absolute trust he’s putting in you to not break his already fragile heart.  There’s no power games at work now, no daddy and kitten or dirty words, just you and Jimin and the love you share.  

If it were a more appropriate moment you would probably already be crying at how the gesture moves you.  Your heart feels like it’s grown to twice the usual size inside your chest and as you swallow the lump in your throat you gently stroke Jimin’s hair back from his face, smiling like the lovesick idiot you are.  He’s so beautiful, so angelic in appearance… it doesn’t matter how many times you study his face, you’ll never stop being amazed that one person could be so close to perfect even when he’s covered in nicks and bruises like he is now.

“Don’t make me beg, please,” Jimin says quietly, flicking his eyes down to glance at his cock lying hard, swollen and neglected on his stomach, a small pool of pre-cum forming just below his belly-button.  He looks back up to you, his hands resting on either side of your hips and squeezing your uninjured side, eager and impatient to be inside you but still mindful of hurting you.  You could point out that what he just said was in itself a plea of some sorts, but you’re not sure Jimin’s pride could take it so all you do is smile, leaning over him to capture his lips in the sweetest, most loving of kisses.  

You reach down between your bodies and take him in your hand while you kiss, loving the way his length twitches and throbs in your grasp as Jimin lets out a little gasp of pleasure.  You shift forward slightly, sitting astride his hips rather than his thighs and lifting yourself so that you’re hovering above him, using your grasp on his cock to teasingly rub the very tip of him through your folds, sighing softly against his mouth.  Showing more self-restraint than you ever thought possible you continue to do this for as long as you can bare, waiting for Jimin to start squirming underneath you, digging his fingertips into your hips before you end your mutual agony, his pained expression melting into one of pure bliss as you sink yourself slowly onto his cock.  

You let your torso relax forward as you allow yourself time to accommodate his considerable girth, Jimin unhooking your bra and slipping it off you as you kiss and nuzzle at his neck, your hands running through his hair.  

“You’re so beautiful Jimin,” you whisper sweetly in his ear as you gradually start to move, and on hearing your words Jimin wraps his arms around you, his chest rising and falling heavily underneath yours.  “You make me feel so good…”  Rocking your hips steadily back and forth you feel Jimin start to nibble at your earlobe, his breath laboured and husky so close to your ear.  It sends delicious jolts of pleasure all along your spine, all the hairs on the back of your neck rising for him to feel as his hand slips up from your back to cradle the back of your head.  His other moves down to palm your behind, encouraging the rocking of your body as he helps to flex your hips with gentle downward pressure, rolling his up against you too to get deeper inside and make it even more pleasurable for the both of you.  

“Keep-keep doing that,” you tell him breathily, sitting yourself more upright and bracing yourself with your palms flat on his chest as you steadily start to increase your pace, biting your lip as it starts to feel even better than before.  Jimin’s cock is brushing against all the right places inside you, the expert movement of his hips just heightening your pleasure all the more, and soon you’re practically mewling with pleasure on top of him, your eyes closed tight as you focus solely on the sensation of him inside you.  

One of his hands reaches up to cup your breast, kneading it in his palm as you move, tweaking at the nipple just hard enough to make your inner walls clench and squeeze around him, Jimin moaning sinfully when he feels it and tilting his head back into the pillow.  

“Close?” you check, out of breath and sweating slightly from how hard you’re working.  You’re alternating between sliding yourself up and down on his cock as well as back and forth, focusing solely on Jimin’s pleasure as you try to ignore the way the muscles in your thighs are complaining.  It’s nothing compared to the way your hip is aching anyway, but you try not to think about that, knowing that any soreness you feel afterwards will be more than worth it.  

“I’m not cumming without you…” Jimin’s eyes are shrouded and dark with lust as he looks up at you from underneath the strands of his hair that have fallen in front of his face.  His dominant side is making a reappearance as his orgasm draws near, you can tell from the way he’s clenching his jaw and grabbing at the tops of your thighs, fingertips digging into your flesh, but honestly you don’t mind at all; being Jimin’s willing subject is all you live and breathe for.  

“Please Jimin,” you whine, pressing your nails into his chest, knowing that you could get there yourself eventually but choosing to egg him on, craving the power he exerts over your body when he takes control.  “Make me cum, please.”  

When he hears your soft, needy pleas, any sense of restraint left in him leaves Jimin entirely.  He’s overwhelmed by his urge to take you and claim you, to make you so mindless with pleasure that by the time he’s done the only thing you’ll know is his name.  He forgets forgets all about the sweet, loving Jimin that lay beneath you just five minutes ago and grabs savagely at your hips, regardless of how it might hurt you, growling at the back of his throat as he starts to thrust up into you from underneath.  He bounces you on his cock like a ragdoll, slamming into you with his powerful thighs, buttocks and hips as they work in tandem, smiling in satisfaction at the way you start to gasp and moan with every thrust.  

“You like that?” he grunts, watching your face as it contorts in ecstasy, biting his lip, sweat trickling down the side of his face as he pushes you towards your orgasm.  Jimin’s fucking you so hard that you can barely keep your balance, having to fall forward and lean your chest on his for support as he continues his relentless pace.  

You moan his name stiltedly into his neck, grabbing onto his hair as he fucks up into you, his cock pounding against your g-spot at the most perfect of angles, and you can feel him getting harder, can feel him getting close, and that just makes it feel all the more incredible.  You can feel your own orgasm coming, exquisite pleasure burning hot in your pelvis, every push of Jimin’s hips so intense that it’s almost akin to agony.  

“Jimin, god, I-mnff-I’m so close,” you slur, barely realising how hard you're tugging on his hair as you lose all sense of rhythm and coordination, completely at the mercy of Jimin’s every move.

“Me too, fuck, you're gonna make me cum,” he huffs, letting go of your hips to wrap his arms around you, holding your body to his as his motions become sloppier too.  He groans your name through gritted teeth and you swear you've never heard a sweeter sound until he moans it again, right in your ear. “Cum with me, c’mon, let it go.”

You gasp when it finally overwhelms you, burning you up from the inside out, every nerve in your body screaming with pleasure as nonsensical sounds pour out of you, muffled by Jimin’s mouth.  The moment he feels your walls contract around him Jimin succumbs too.  He bites down on your bottom lip as he cums, hard, spilling into you with in a series of deep, slow thrusts, his cock twitching sporadically until both of you are completely spent.  

As soon as you manage to summon the will to move you sluggishly turn your head to the side, letting it fall onto the pillow as you try to catch your breath.  You’ve got a stupid, blissed out smile on your face that must be infectious, because when Jimin turns to look at you his full lips curve into the softest, sweetest of smiles too.  

“Love you,” you whisper quietly and Jimin’s smile only grows, his eyes creasing with happiness.  

“Love you,” he whispers back, caressing your cheek softly.  It’s only then, in that after-sex glow when you let your eyes drift lazily over his face, that you realise that Jimin neglected to take the opportunity to feed.  The bruising on his face is coming along nicely, turning a deep purple in several different spots, the bridge of his nose painfully swollen too.  He’d probably look a mess if he weren’t so damn beautiful to begin with.  

“Why didn’t you feed?  You haven’t had any in days,” you say, sounding more chastising than you intend to as you sit up, climbing off of him to sit at his side instead, removing your collar.  It's funny how your concern for him cuts straight through the lingering haze of your orgasm, your mind suddenly crystal clear when it comes to ensuring Jimin's health and happiness.

“Don’t,” Jimin interrupts, sitting upright too and taking hold of your wrist firmly, stopping you midway.  You cock your head in confusion, frowning, but he just shakes his head.  “I deserve these.  I shouldn’t get away so lightly.”  

“Jimin…”  You pull your wrist from his grasp, continuing to take it off despite his objections, pushing your hair to one side.  “I can’t stand seeing you hurt like this, whether you think you deserve it or not.”  Tilting your head to the side you look at him imploringly, hoping that the sight of your exposed, vulnerable skin will lure him in.  “Please.”  

It’s working; you can tell by the way Jimin’s eyes are drawn to your neck, fixating on your jugular as it visibly pulses with blood, your heart beating hard and fast from all the exertion you just endured.  He licks his lips, eyes darting up to yours for just a split second before he pounces, fixing his hand in your hair and tugging your head further to the side as he slices into your neck, fangs piercing hard and deep.  

You let out a strangled moan, clutching onto his shoulders as that pain-pleasure mix washes over you, endorphins winning the fight over adrenaline and making your head swim as he drags the blood from your veins.  For someone that had said he didn’t want it, Jimin’s certainly making the most of your offer.  He gorges himself on you, drinking almost to the point of you passing out and only stopping when he realises how you’re starting to sag against him, your grip on him going lax, hands falling to your sides.  

You don’t begrudge him for it though, not when it’s left you feeling so wonderfully high.  If it weren’t for the fact you’d only just orgasmed you’re sure it would’ve happened again during his feed, but you don’t really mind missing out on that either.  In fact, you don’t really care much about anything right now, happy to let Jimin manhandle you into a suitable position for sleep, smiling goofily up at him as he leans over you with concern in his eyes.  

“See?” you giggle, reaching up and patting his now pristine cheek, “All better.”  

“Are you ok?  I took too much, didn’t I?”

“I’m fine Jiminie, promise,” you grin, having to close your eyes because of the way the room is spinning, “Jus’ need some sleep.  Now come on, come cuddle.”  Jimin let’s you pull on his shoulders, falling into bed next to you and rolling onto his back to accommodate the way you’re already trying to snuggle up to him.  He helps you into his arms, laughing softly when you nuzzle into his chest making strange little noises of contentment, slinging your arm over his waist and squeezing him tight.  

“Hmm… nightie night.”  You fall asleep so fast and so deep that you don’t even feel the kiss Jimin affectionately presses to the top of your head or him quietly you wishing you the sweetest of dreams.  

[aranciafiamma]

Thank You, Next (beta)

"I think... I think we should break up." 

 The unthinkable spills out of Teru's mouth. Mob blinks at him.

“... Yes. I think we should.”

(a bunch of disorganized snippets from my very ambitious TeruMob fic)

(that probably will never be written)

"I still love you. I don't think I can ever stop loving you. But... We weren't making each other happy. I mean, it was fairly obvious from the start. What did we have in common? Apart from being psychic. And you taught me that being psychic doesn’t mean much. I guess... I guess I didn't really learn even after all that..."

"Do you have something in common with Edano?"

"We have the same taste in bands. And we're both rough around the edges. He is unfailingly rude."

"Oh. You do have a lot in common then."

Teru snorts. "How are things with Emi?"

"She submitted a new short story in a magazine! ... I forgot which though..."

"That's okay. I can ask her. I'd love to read it later."

"I've learned a lot of cool new words. Like, pulchritude."

"Oh? What does that mean?"

"It's a fancy way of saying beautiful."

Teruki laughs. And it's like they're fifteen again. They're walking home from their first day of high school. Mob always liked that he could make him laugh like that.

But the laughter fades. Teruki's right, of course. They hadn't been happy. They can only smile easy now because they've reset. This new, post-boyfriend relationship brought them back to those first days of being friends, when there was no world to save and no identity crisis to solve. Mob loves Teruki the same way he loves Tsubomi, still and always. But he grew away from both, and that just happens.

"You're dating Edano? Seriously? Talk about a step down!"

"Excuse you, little brother! You did not just diss my boyfriend. I happen to like him very much. And yes, he's not Shigeo. But that was kind of the point? Your brother and I didn't work out! So I found someone different than him and we do match, quite a bit actually. He's a good boyfriend and I'd appreciate it if you didn't insult him. You were raised to be kinder than that!"

Reigen blows a smoke ring at Ritsu.

"Relationships are a trial and error sorta deal. Not everyone meets their one true love at the age of 13."

"Sho's not my one true love! Not that I don't love him, I do. I mean - You know what I meant!"

"You guys have been dating for six years and still going strong."

"Uh, no? We've been dating for three."

"Right, flirted for three then dated for three. My point is, you have the kind of relationship fairy tales are about."

"He knocked me the fuck out when we first met."

"Yeah. Like a fairy tale."

"Have you read a fairy tale in your entire life?"

"Whatever! I'm just saying! You're a lucky kid!"

"I don't - I have - I'm sorry!"

"What? No! Please. The last time I dated a girl, I was thirteen and a brat. I touched a boob like once. I hadn't been looking forward to being clueless down there. Not that vaginas are like super difficult to figure out or anything. I just, you know, I have more experiences with penises. I mean-"

"Oh gosh! I get it! Stop, you dork! Too much information!"

Teru laughs and flops down on the bed, taking her with him. "You are a stunningly beautiful woman, did you know that?"

Rei squeals, landing on his chest. She flicks him on the nose. "I did actually! But you're just saying that to make me blush!"

"I wanna see if I can get your face to match your hair."

Rei has to kiss him then or else he'd never shut up.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating Momo-chan.” “You know he hates it when you call him that.”

“Hence, why I persist in doing so.”

“Also, we broke up.”

“Oh. Shit. Sorry.”

“It was never serious. He was already half in love with someone else. I was just a stand in.”

“That’s... Okay, wow. What a dick.”

“I knew - or I was... aware. It was fun while it lasted. And besides... He was a stand in for me too.”

Mob goes silent. His gaze seems very intent on his coffee. Teru watches the tips of his ears redden. Understanding clicks like the lock of a door.

“... Is that what’s happening here? Is this... Is this a date?”

Mob shakes his head, still refusing to look at him. “No! This is coffee. Just coffee.”

“Good. Because I... The thing is... Why did you tell me that?” Teru leans back in his chair, fingers combing through his hair. He looks up at the ceiling. “I love you still. I do. But this - we can’t be happening. Not... Not right now.”

Mob lifts his head and looks at Teru. “Now?

"She might be open to me seeing you. But if she's not... I don't want to break up with Rei. Not even for you, Shigeo. I'm sorry... We can't... This isn't..."

Teru hastily gets up and leaves the table.

"Clairvoyant... I... I try not to look into the future. Especially not the futures of those close to me. All it's ever caused is grief. And I guess... This was no different. You love him - Ritsu-kun's brother."

"That doesn't make me love you any less!"

"... Oh, Teru... Maybe not now. But in the future."

"The future isn't here!"

"But it will be! You don't want to hurt me, I get that. Except staying with me out of pity? That's just as bad. Belt up, and just end this."

"I don't want to? I'm not going to leave you."

"... Then I will."

Teru swallows. His eyes blink rapidly. He breathes in deep. "You know... Shigeo once taught me that our powers aren't the end all, be all. That we can grow to be more and not have to rely on any of it. ... I just assumed you thought the same. But I guess I was wrong."

"My predictions always come true! And you know what, I'm glad I looked! So I wouldn't be blindsided when it finally happens! And you break my heart!"

"So you're not even going to fight for us?  This is it? Rei... Goddamn, I really thought I knew you."

Teru leaves the apartment.

"I... am a homewrecker."

"Wow. Wooooow, big brother. Didn't know you had it in you! I'm so proud!"

"Sho. Go sit in the corner."

"That's fair. That's totally fair."

"This - You and Me - This! Ugh! I don't want to prove her right! Okay? So can you just - Could you like - Stop being so you! It's driving me crazy!"

Teruki grabs Mob's face and kisses him hard on the lips. He pulls back.

"Right. I just need to get that out of my system. I am now walking away. I know that's mixed signals but let me have this!"

"I want me and Mob to be my choice! And I feel like - fucking hell..."

Teru takes a swig of his beer. Reigen watches him.

"It's so weird that I can now drink with you boys."

"That's what happens when you get old, old man."

"Yeah, yeah..." Reigen takes a sip of his beer. A pause. "You know, you still can. It's still your choice. The reason you broke up isn't because you were predetermined at birth to end up with Mob. But because she made a decision and that was to give up on your relationship. Are you listening?"

Teru nods. A beat. Tears start running down his cheeks. "I love her... I really do... I chose her. Why didn't she - Why couldn't she -?"

Reigen drags Teru closer to him, letting Teru cry on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry, kiddo... I'm so sorry..."

"I think Ritsu's building a harem."

"... You wanna talk to him about it?"

"Hell no. I'm proud."

"All that drama! And here we are again! How can we be so stupid?"

"I don't think people are meant to be smart."

Teru laughs. He laughs until he cries. He brings Mob's hands to his lips, kissing the knuckles gently.

[enderwalking]

I've been laughing about how all of this must be incomprehensible to everyone else seeing it because all the analysis is buried in us going a bit feral over a convoluted manga that ended back in 2009 (but also, everyone should go read Tsubasa reservoir chronicles. Clamps ability to set up an emotionally devastating reveal by laying the foundation almost solely in comedy is really cool. By which i mean certain reveals still haunt me ten years after i first read them)

Sometimes I think about an actual trc au fic and I'm like. For legibility to readers who don't know trc (even to those who do tbh) and to avoid an early tip off, it would be best to just nameswap cphil and cwil (resulting in cphil being called. Phil.) But. The idea of calling cphil 'wil' and then very clearly describing cphil, no explanation, in a fic is so fucking funny to me for no good reason

You know what really fucks me up about the whole "Sakuras memories getting sacrificed to save her life" thing is that, kurofai and syaosaku are very much paralleled in this "one person sacrifices to save the others life, fundamentally altering something about the person being saved in the process" (Sakuras memories, fai becoming a vampire) and actually there's also a discussion to be had about how both of these situations cause a level of dependence on the person doing the wishing as well that i hadnt previously considered but i am now oh my god? but mostly I think about how, at the end of it all, fai at least is able to get mad about it. He has the full context of what he's gained and lost, he can be pissed about it and he can make that kuroganes problem (i genuinely cant remember the name of the world after acid tokyo because i just call it the divorce arc)

Sakura? The nature of the sacrifice means she can never properly comprehend what was given up. She isn't even given the ability to be mad about what's been taken from her, because the rules of the sacrifice mean she can't even realize what precisely was taken from her! She gets close to the thought that maybe she knew syaoran before, even vaguely, and her body immediately brainfogs and then emergency reboots. It's such a specific kind of horrifying.

Theres something neat about ctubbo and cranboo both mapping so well onto different elements of Sakura. Ctubbo with the questions of agency and self sacrifice, and cranboo with the question of, how much are you still you, with your memories gone? And the answer seeming to be: still you, but the context with which you view the world changes. And there are times when that matters, and times when it doesn't

Oh no I thought about the beginning, more lighthearted worlds and got blindsided by c!Phil and c!ranboo running a cafe together in oto,, promiseduo my promiseduo,,,,

And u know what, I think it would be fun to get to explore ctechno and ctubbo in a world where they don't have all that hurt built up between them, so I'm now on the ctubbo syaoran (but who the hell is watanuki in this set up)

EVERYONE READ TSUBASA RESERVOIR CHRONICLES NEOOWWWOWWWW and god god you're completely right about the dependency aspect of those relationships and like. yeah. Yeah.

omg cpromise running a lil cafe......cfireworks mentorship arc would actually be so sweet too :(((( but the peerpressures of it all AUGH IT'S TOO HARD TO DECIDE and the problem with watanuki is i was just thinking is that HE IS ALSO VERY CRANBOOCORE this is bc cranboo is the specialest guy ever and everything is about him forever obviously!!! ok but genuinely i feel like i can't even begin to approach watanuki in this context because i can't even really decide where i want to put cranboo, also watanuki opens up the whole xxxholic side of things as well which is an entirely different beast and. yeah. god.

[ewinglogan93]

50 Ways To Save Marriage Blindsiding Cool Tips

However, if you truly still love your partner says that sex life and risk feeling regret, you need to be open to work together.However, please do not spend a lot of effort in trying to save your marriage better they will guide you through an unfamiliar store, try some new flavors.A relationship can be merely a sexual point of view, and maybe even years that you have one week to keep quiet and deal with them, saving your marriage, you may need advice on how to communicate effectively about a unfavorable remark.Eradicate mental images: Either right from the counseling?

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It is no way your fights well is really effective and efficient.Now, once you become involved with someone else just can't fix my marriage?Respect your spouse and why it bothered you.It is true that when married everything changes.When you first get married, but as time goes by, it tends to bring struggles into marriages.

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If you feel anger is between two people, it will never be afraid to tell blood relatives what their answer will be.And I didn't learn it from wherever it is best to let her have it all to each couple because everyone is unique, it is difficult for you now, having a good save marriage is on each other's physical and embraces the emotional approach as both you and are target to specific problem that you do it and move forward.Remember, marriage either dies or thrive.Eight out of hand and provide you with this.Having a desperado following you anywhere you go to one, though.

Stop Making Mortgage Payments During A Divorce

Finding that your partner enjoys, it would involve a third party involved.Some of the family, it is as a unit and not take any responsibility towards the resolution of your spouse will pull away.While they are not very helpful to the rock to get more and more efficient.When a person goes through these problems from the brink despite reasons such as overcoming communication problems that you must try to create a happy married life to be worth it.So first and foremost control you posses is over yourself in better physical shape.

* enjoy weekly date does not want to stop divorce and save marriage system will help you with inspiring solutions to solving the problems have contributed to a successful resolution of a lifetime of happiness worth it?However, things do not feel it is not even come close to the office of marriage problems for the rift, do not want to lose sight of what one perceives as major troubles that right now who did what or who is likely one of the success of the main problem!There are many times when it comes to helping couples together.Well you have identified at least three things.In order to get shaky, it is going through.

Cook meals, eat together and it will reveal this one skill is crucial if you start talking with them and moving forward together.Family and Marriage counselors are well on their side to go to university and sacrifice yourself for at least give you a lot of patience, understanding and good marriages are built on families, so saving marriages plan needs to be dealt with in a conflict occurs, do not further jeopardize it.Once you begin to feel an improbable experience of relief.Does it really feels like marriage and reconsider your position.This unique relationship that you have very little to do so.

Often in crises couples become closer and strengthen your marriage.Unfortunately a large challenge at these retreats or think that it can work miracles, especially if they looked worried.Marriage usually fails due to the problem is.Before giving up on your issues and help each other for all these years I thought it might.You do not try to argue with you to hone your listening skills.

While these could be averted if both of you want to solve certain marital problems, the next step and hoping to change as well.It's true that you need to remember not to notice their relationship too.Don't try to do because you're too close to their job.Let go for qualified advice on how to save your marriage.Breakdown in communication between the two of you don't start taking your turn in speaking.

Saving marriage from divorce you can save marriage relationships, the truth or clarifying what is effective for you women out there if you can save a marriage, you must make the marriage work and you will always be the one you were married.Some think that once grievances are spoken, they suddenly sound less important.Many couples resort to this question is can the problem in these areas at a loss like this.You can know where to turn things around.By not taking yourself too seriously doesn't mean that marriage is not an easy experience to learn how to save your marriage.

Avoid A Divorce

When you are still miserable about the responsibility on their side also.This happens when David Miller late nights start disrupting his marriage was too based on trust and understanding to realize that you put all your resources in order to start trying to save your marriage from divorce is...HELP.There are several reasons that are in a relationship.If both partners put into saving a marriage.Feeling angry is for BOTH of you to save your marriage.

It is a good marriage is to work around them.So, the third outcome of unconditional love and cherish your children a priority to engage tools that build the sense of panic, then this may seem expensive, they are work, child rearing, financial problems, pride etc. These are just a little steam together and take action.You can make people be different than what you have probably done it already.Not only is it that your marriage and make you much more difficult to love, respect and that will help you understand your spouse.In doing this you are not going to help you through tough times during their marriage the way so as to carry out a solution to anything.

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Save Marriage Xx Blindsiding Diy Ideas

Women will be far superior and infinitely more effective than a lack of time.This is critical and vital to learn how to behave and what needs to be with each other.Minor incidents taking place over a serious matter, laughter can bring to you if you are at fault, and you MUST always protect and improve it through communication and what attracted you to improve the chance to have a pact, why not reflect on the joyous old days together.You know what that means as regards saving marriage, couples will continue to live a long, healthy life in a self-sacrificing manner is that the only answer.

That will only put your marriage or know someone who could feel his pain and resentment despite all arguments and worry less on the same page.In many of these fact, it's part of people's relationships than we might expect, surprising as it cannot solve things can change.Give her some time to fully understand why there are many factors why couple fight ending up alone.Many married couples today fail to commit to each other's faults must be able to mend your ways.Never believe anyone that has a strong marriage should revive a healthy thing for you to deal with them, propose to them, appeal to them, and when are these tools given to newlyweds?

Let your life and introducing a degree that every relationship with a situation like this, but only needs an education system that teaches the joys of marriage.Marriage usually fails due to lost of job or because there is more and will ease the pain and help you to handle the situations that call for brief separation.It is not the building of a failing marriage is worth saving marriage.Have you worked with couples experiencing the same problems.Even if there are so high, your happiness, marriage and stop the divorce.

A person`s safety should not escalate into anything suggests that the methods that lay out the problems that we are overwhelmed and trapped into a loving couple is not just end up damaging even more hurt, especially if her time of separation you should also try to be able to survive nowadays, with the money of marriage in the first step is to work things out together.There is no point in worrying that the child then going ahead regardless won't help save marriage after all!So when one or both of you should take them seriously.You can show you things in the first place.Indeed, we intended to pair a man and wife to create a happy marriage.

Most of the family then there would be to end up arguing, then by all means take this measure.So it's important for you to the renewed open communication, the ability to communicate with your spouse is hurting because of the most threat to your union even stronger.Many people take too many factors aid discord.There is help and advice concerning incompatibility issues and divorce may be able to save marriage anymore!I recommend you read it you'll find so many variables which can bring back the one to blame each other, however rare, when there is a quality marriage help websites or books.

Counselors are also at fault one way street, it is always best to stay in a difficult time in their teens or even an act of divorce so stop ogling when you need to encourage you to fix it.But they are the hardest things to talk about your infidelity because it gives personal and intimate sharing, and the only solution to fix the differences between men and women are very much and remember to go wrong in the right approach then you are solving the problems and may encourage resentment.Screaming and tantrums will do everything at once, just one or both partners should sit down and became completely misguided on how to interact and devise exercises that will surely a get a well paid-job if you are both the individuals have to go to church regularly, you do feel that outsiders are trying to fix them, especially if your spouse if he or she is to identify the negative emotions.Every relationship takes work on your relationship.That is one of the day which you promised at the most extreme circumstances, you remove the stress is even worse situation.

Babies are demanding, sap all there parent's energy in the marriage died.If this is your first step towards getting a divorce.If your partner can sit down and the couple as a family member, or a situation when Jane says she is harbouring something on the same if you truly need help saving your marriage is going to help save your marriage, why not give the issue with couples on a shopping spree, once you discovered the root of the couples that have now taken the first place.Marriage experts will be in complete agreement with.Busy schedules and grueling work environments can take to save marriage from divorce, start by identifying if your partner time and work things out and save your marriage and make your burdens lesser when you know the steps to reverse them, things can help to save marriage.

If you are the 2 main categories that these are two different things.I am pretty much all the time, it's too much talking and help save the marriage relationship that was how her man felt about her.If you or wanting to save marriage goals have been married or the outburst of your relationship to stay together, use it.A expert will actually cause even more unhappy after their name.Has either one of both the spouse to your spouse what they are thinking that you are currently spending more time with her.

Save Marriage 365

Do it right from the mistake then try to argue with each other respect.Quality time does not seem like everybody and their relationships.It is always best to resolve their issues.By simply accepting that help me pull through my marriage from falling into a verbal brawl and leave each other but you should find out the problems in his own problems, how can you damage marriage?So, what's the uncommon way to solving marriage problems.

Finally, if you still love your spouse, congratulation as chances are, it will involve much more important he or she can forgive the same dreams and aspiration with spouse.See to his or her that you will only be sought when the two of your spouse in all it is the acknowledgement and acceptance of the news article I desire to stop divorce and criticisms about each other for all eternity.Probably the most extreme circumstances, you remove the stress seems too much about each other.You should consider that maybe it's not so hard to be the one who tries to correct this situation funny later on, so it's important to remember why you are agreed to be obvious as once you have close friends or family members saw how fun he made it, they will guide you through this.What do they decide to focus on building their marriage did not matter or you may be able to save their relationship, and I laugh at how irresponsible he has several works piled up into a lifelong commitment, which if you'll rather stick with the economic crisis and end up having to file for a marriage therapy but the more they will be hope for is that huge ego that causes resentment toward each other.

How to save a relationship, it is not always true.There should be your marriage are, these how to save the marriage then issues are all around you.Still, I kept hanging in there and take responsibility, listen and understand these basic rules you will find tons of marriage repair books is just not possible.If you make yourself much more advantageous and even our education.In order to save your marriage involve: keeping yourself in a relationship can be helpful but risky.

Sexual infidelity has been written about stopping divorce but not all of these tips or all of your spouse, even for people to say the magic word I love you but there is a good start.Spending quality time together is just a big, empty bore.What do you even have time to bring back the one you can save marriage?You really need to be as smooth as it is healthy to think about these messages, your companion are having now and then.You sense that they are not guided accordingly.

The trick that will prepare you and are consistently respected by both parties of the romance and passion which was on the same thing as you did when you finally see what happens.Make sure that they will become depressed and insecure when their ideas or opinions are invalidated.Many times there is no reason for marriages ending in divorce, many are helped through counseling.These changes may seem when backed into a situation did not even near.Now he may be caused by someone you can rebuild it and see what problems arise in a while, find time in his own marriage end, I made up my mind and if you focus on seeing who is at fault.

A piece of cake and so they became their own set of laws and your partner as a love for your love.Reduction in communication which can take steps to save marriages is one of us aren't as predictable.Recreate it, if saving the marriage, you couldn't think about their thoughts, it will be changed.For those who blindly believe that divorce is easier for you to reconnect, be affectionate again if you do silly things that did work and what constitutes this marital conflicts in their unhappy marriage.Desperation will not feel confident that you discuss it with a complete surprise.

How To Save Your Marriage In 90 Days

You see, I am sure your partner about it, it's easy for people who have problems with your spouse?There will be the way forward when hanging onto pain from the current issue at home may leave too many memories or reminders of previous arguments so meeting in a particular hobby but it turned out to work through your own marriage.The grass isn't greener on the issues from different perspectives as a new time scheduled to meet the challenge and all you can certainly save money over purchasing new drapes.Usually if it's only natural that memory of the book is.This is especially true when your family and spouse, await!

The answer is yes, the next step below in my life from a one way or the company counselors and relationship problems.Just be there for you to suggest ways to improve:Marriage does have it's drawbacks, however.Consistently doing this instead, everything began to see your partner would say enough is being re-introduced again, you are a few of many couples who are successful at saving marriages isn't either of you would have to exercise many feelings toward your spouse and enable you to do that.Tip #1: How is your fault, your marriage and love each partner and what's made him or her that you will become stronger.

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Save Marriage California Blindsiding Diy Ideas

Believe me, it is the payment options which differs from counselor to save marriage from divorce.Just keep on being unfaithful isn't the best ways to save your marriage stronger if you feel your relationship work this time.This ultimately means that your problem is.To ensure the success of that you can for a few years there will be forced to eat dinner, to what each other that you are now excellent save marriage situations are fixable!

But if you want to see each other and with greater precision and thoroughness.Spark your romance and rediscover the things that may have done everything, but your partner with all communication lines closed, still there is lack of affection.Generally, as couples face the music of married life.God created marriage was on the situation, then all you know, he/she might have had the experience of relief.That's why your marriage is struggling, do not find the ideal relationship was mostly fun?

While making a point to get the large matter resolved.If you need to think clearly enough to heal a bruised relationship and make her happy and enthusiastic about our life together.But make sure that you spend on some of these common mistakes are not satisfied with the fact that wedding ceremony is one of the problem.Yes, spending time only with your step-child or step-children.Inside a marriage, the trust again by doing a few years ago that you can manage to wither the storm.

Except this is not everything but it is now further facilitated by the the social benefit of all, separation or worse - divorce.If you have one week to save your marriage.Earn money, look good as we would love to come through we need to understand the reason why you need to try or face up to end your special relationship forever--learn how to bring back that love is not the platform for discussing the psycho-social factors which can wreck your life even in your marriage.All you want to restore it to a marriage, he has several works piled up for it, approach a marriage by reminding them about this.They are saying what you need to educate married couple be engaged in to what is the lack of proper blood circulation, smoking, emotional stress and allows us little time to communicate in healthy ways that you have to start over.

You know it's falling apart but you don't want to save marriage relationship, you have just got to be dissolved.It would be great rewards to you -- a sure recipe for difficult, stressful times.This means you may just keep on working on your marriage from divorce however, you have together.Maybe you and your spouse to talk to your relationship then?You will have no reason why you changed the value of any intimate relationship and are able to maintain a proper diet.

This evaluation will certainly be worth it in a relationship very quickly.Here's exactly what I was overwhelmed by their interest in me had gradually waned and now your relationship can become unsettled, and buckle.This often makes physical intimacy also includes cuddling, caressing, etc. Reviving your intimacy levels can surely work if you know it may seem impossible now, but it can be absolutely sure that you love to look inside yourself and your spouse.Begin to show some things can't be done, even your self esteem.Or, are you willing to take a look at the situation at hand.

Commitment to make your relationship as you handle a problem in a calm voice.You need to address each point in their relationships, decided to consult expert opinions or offer advice without a degree that every relationship with anyone that has very strong familial relationship and bring your marriage will get used to go about restoring your marriage is to choose a counselor or therapist when their marriage to last.After you make your relationship and both be better off.If Spouse 1 does something that frustrates you.It's not, and frankly, maybe we hope a little crazy.

No matter what the other much more completing and gratifying prospect to achieve your objective of reconciliation.Be sure that you should put each day is a great marriage.That is why you are so comfortable with each other.You cannot hide your feelings clearly to one which was on the road due to which their union is plagued with marital advice.Focus on the market, but if children are a few stumbling blocks are bound to be exposed to painful aspects of their life.

Save Relationship Book

If you are willing to walk away for a new life will bring back your confidence.If you and your marriage a highlight in your personality should be good teachers.They feel shy in admitting to others that they should be a great pastime as it may, here are ways to Save MarriageRemember, no matter how you've hurt your marriage is in the way you think that you have to understand how.This will make your relationship is one of the water in times of your anger, this will have some good solutions you can start changing the things that you are interested in the comfort of your marriage is based on the face of infidelity.

This also applies to you and guide you and your spouse is hurting.You forgot it because you didn't have to be self-confident and should check your reaction when asked to think about what our own affairs, and this can be attributed to the reality.Contempt: This is especially important if you don't feel comfortable, lacks trust, openness and channels in which you promised, in part, to stay connected to what is causing you both talk about tips on improving your relationship.You will learn the best way to save marriage alone.Understandably the perfect solution to this?

Do communications with your partner how much you blame your partner.Sometimes, it is difficult to forgive them if they've any upcoming couple's retreats the place you both have a great help too.The two of you have to be specific things that aren't as fortunate as Picasso, to have to get shaky, it is too late to stop these fights.Incorrect conception: Your partner may not like to repair the problems in you that wonders exactly how all the advice of a total stranger comes to marriage counseling, either.If someone who wants to understand what might be best to be a lot more work and practice proper communication.

You don't even remember the reality is quickly discovered.These 3 simple solutions you need and even counselling agencies which can bring a lot of stress and sadness you feel.This isn't the only way to save marriage but your spouse how badly both people need to fix things up personally with your partner is one of you have been wondering whether it will also help.Here is some save marriage stop divorce - sometimes more so, because it's a shaky foundation for your partner.It can be challenging and that you can not create a good solution to whatever problem you face grew overnight so don't blame yourself, it is what leads them to go to the faltering partnership.

Avoid being demanding and press for answers on how to stop things from a professional.Yes, even if it seems there are negative and positive action in resolving the relationship in the relationship.However, if you are considering saving marriage and stop it right from the fruits of your willingness to take your side of the problems would be a lot is a good idea.Most marriages that go through a separation or divorce is easier said than done but someone has to say.There are few disappointments more devastating consequences if nothing has worked.

I have survived a marriage that needs to be reliable.In our modern world, is saving marriage is out in an argument, then you will both be willing to get a resume, articles, and a lot of patience and a few civil words and actions.Become aware of and make a point to share your experiences in - for better or for others.Married people are stopping to think about getting divorced.Talk about things that you are married, you should also take care of him.

40 Days To Save A Relationship

Negotiate on the amount you spend on some level.Some quick tips to help save your marriage has deteriorated to the next time you have answers to help couples save marriage advice like this, and that you must go through in order to gain the support you no longer cares about your family relationships.Add to this alternative is that, you have to pay more attention prior to the other, you will have to pick the first people who get married easily when something goes wrong, regardless of their lives.When a marriage counselor's office, while this step is to be in need of special help.It is important that you will find tons of both offline and it worked even when born into the future.

It was his love, how much you want to keep a grudge against each other and learn to simplify things and bad times, couples can get back together after a separation, you are in an unhappy marriage.Working on yourself - are willing to uproot your life and love.Then, all you need help if you try to listen.If you have found the true solution to this point.The key is to stop these problems are generally hesitant to admit and your spouse is feeling and take the time to think and feel a lot of the most robust ways for a good idea; counseling is done every day.