#How Does Santa Claus Deliver Gifts to Every Home?

[updatemovie24]

[vanilladove]

⋆⁺₊❅⋆ christmas w/ the bsd men .ᐟ

⍋⋆*❅ pairing: various bsd men x gn!reader [dazai, atsushi, ayatsuji, ranpo, fukuzawa, kunikida, chuuya, akutagawa, oda, ango, nikolai, fyodor, sigma, shibusawa, jouno, tecchou]

⍋⋆*❅ genre: fluffy headcanons (some crack again hehe)

⍋⋆*❅ content warnings: none! also headcanons are focused more on cultural/winter festivity aspects of christmas, not the religious ones (except for mentions in fyodor's part)

⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐄𝐃 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐘

⁺⋆*❅ dazai osamu

you both decide to go out and explore the city!

purposely stops under every mistletoe around town to makeout with you (he somehow knows where all of them are...)

you go bar hopping to try different holiday drinks like spiked eggnog, cranberry mimosas, and whiskey sours

after you both get super drunk, he takes you out to the town square and twirls you around so you're both dancing under the fresh snow and moonlight

you make christmas cards for everyone with custom stamps and bake christmas cookies to gift (he sets aside the ugly cards + burnt cookies to give to mori/the port mafia)

⁺⋆*❅ atsushi nakajima

something cute to heal your inner child

he takes you sledding, and you scream the whole time from how fast you both go

atsushi tries to help all the kids at the bottom of the hill who wipe out (awwww)

you don't tell him, but his nose gets super red from the cold and you think it's really cute

you get hot chocolate on the way back and spend the night talking by the fireplace (he got you both matching pjs)

⁺⋆*❅ ayatsuji yukito

christmas = the perfect opportunity to dress you up, either as a slavic doll or mr./mrs. claus

escorted by security and a sniper ofc, you both go to the mall and shop around (mostly so he can buy more clothes and accessories for you)

you both get some eggnog and take photobooth pictures at the mall

before he gives you your presents back at home, he pulls you into his lap and makes you tell him if you've been naughty or nice like he's santa lol

does the pocky thing with you but uses a candy cane o///o

gifts you all the shopping bags full of clothes he bought for you at the mall

⁺⋆*❅ ranpo edogawa

ofc it's all about sweets so you build gingerbread houses

ranpo can't build one so he ends up eating his and all of the candy you bought

you both make more sweets from scratch (ranpo probably quits halfway through bc he burnt the gingerbread cookies), so it's just you lol

you decorate christmas cookies and make candy cane hot cocoa and eggnog

after voicing your concerns about having too many sweets and baked goods, ranpo assures you that they'll be added to his snack collection/vault and there's no need to share them with everyone else

⁺⋆*❅ fukuzawa yukichi

doesn't like to celebrate much--he originally wanted to go to a cat cafe, but it was closed bc of the holiday :(

he planned on having a cozy christmas dinner with you and some other members of the doa instead at the office (definitely not bc he also still has work to finish)

somehow, ranpo convices the both of you to dress up as mr. & mrs. claus and you have a whole photoshoot at the office

you end the night at a secluded onsen with some warm tea 😌

⁺⋆*❅ kunikida doppo

basically the karen/soccer mom of christmas. he has an itenerary planned out and you're sticking to it.

you start by unwrapping presents by the tree⎯he gets you something you've had your eye on for a while, since he knows you wouldn't buy it with your own money (so he bought it for you)

i can't explain it but he def has the perfect ugly sweater that he only pulls out and wears on christmas

you then go to do something cute outside, deliver presents to the other doa members (he gives dazai bandages + coal...)

probably the type to refuse to go into their houses/apartments bc he doesn't want to waste too much time (he lowk caves in tho)

at the end of the day, you both visit a pretty christmas lights show

⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐏𝐎𝐑𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐅𝐈𝐀

⁺⋆*❅ chuuya nakahara

chuuya is extra so he goes all out with decorations. he fills the house with poinsettias and a huge christmas tree (he has to use gravity to put all the ornaments on it lol)

you make a special mulled wine together

he takes you out a nice fancy dinner (ofc he bought you a beautiful red suit/dress to go along)

sings for you by the fireplace hehe

the tree is full of gifts when you get home (don't ask him how much he spent, just be appreciative that chuuya's your lover 🤫)

⁺⋆*❅ akutagawa ryunosuke

lowk hates the cold but wants to make u happy so he goes out with you to a christmas market

you both get a matching black scarf and glove set

u go to a curios and antiques store (one of his fav places!) and stop to get some hot tea

akutagawa is constantly blushing bc of ur cuteness, and when u kiss him under a mistletoe, he turns beet red but insists it's just the cold

periodically hugs you "for warmth" and definitely not bc he gets jealous of other people looking at you

when you get back home, you both take a warm bath and cuddle by the fire, and he gifts you a special antique item he secretly bought from the store ♡

⁺⋆*❅ oda sakunosuke

christmas dinner with the kiddos

gets everyone matching ugly sweaters and you both fill the kids' stockings while they make snow angels outside

you go to the mall to take the kids to meet and take pictures with santa

you all bake and decorate gingerbread houses and christmas cookies together

his present for you is a wedding ring, and the kids are beyond excited to have you as their other parent

you all fall asleep watching a christmas movie

⁺⋆*❅ ango sakaguchi

he was forced to take work off bc of the holiday, but he's relieved that he gets to spend more time with you

he takes you to a fancy christmas ball that's being thrown by some government officials

he gets a little tipsy and can't stop complimenting how nice you look in your dress/suit, and how grateful he is to have you as his partner

when you finally dance together, you swear it's the most lively you've seen him look⎯he has that glow in his eyes ^u^

firm believer that he gets super clingy when he hasn't seen you in a while, so during dinner he pulls you into his lap to eat and always has a hand on you

when you both finally go home after a long night out, he gives you a present, which is a nice watch/bracelet

⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐃𝐄𝐂𝐀𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐒

⁺⋆*❅ fyodor dostoevsky

obviously takes you to church first

listens to christmas carols from the church choir (he's lowk an old man so he likes them)

you then go to a ballet show to watch the nutcracker

he makes traditional russian dishes for dinner like meat pies, vegetable fillings, and fish, and drink some sbiten (a warm honey + spice drink), which he prefers over hot cocoa

you end the night reading books by the fireplace as he strokes your hair

gifts you your favorite books and some warm winter clothes/coats

⁺⋆*❅ nikolai gogol

christmas is one of his fav holidays after halloween

after decorating the house and the tree, you both go to a christmas wonderland attraction

other visitors/children keep asking if he's santa bc of his white hair, and you giggle innocently as you take pictures of him

makes Sviat Vechir: A 12-dish meal with kolach, cabbage rolls, and other traditional ukrainian dishes for dinner

gifts u a white sweater he knit himself (awww)

⁺⋆*❅ sigma

it's one of his first christmases, so he lets you plan what to do

you make him some cinnamon rolls + eggnog for breakfast

you both bake and decorate some christmas cookies⎯he's surprisingly good at making intricate patterns and designs, and his cookies are so pretty you almost don't want to eat them

you go skiing⎯sigma definitely struggles at first but he gets the hang of it pretty fast

after you get cold, you both go back inside to get some hot cocos and eat some fondue

you both watch the sunset on the ski lift, which is the most beautiful view against the snow-covered mountains (he secretly can't talk his eyes off you tho)

at home, you unbox presents!

he gifts you plane tickets to a nice getaway vacation ( ๑ ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و ♡

⁺⋆*❅ shibusawa tatsuhiko

(honorary doa girlie lol)

not particularly interested in the holidays, but he likes flashy things so i think he'd enjoy seeing light shows/big christmas displays

however, he likes to spoil you, so he gets you an advent calendar with an assortment of nice clothes, fancy jewelry, and more

watches as you unbox each day's gift and relishes in your cute reactions

lets you paint his nails red, white, and/or green as you sit in his lap

decorates the christmas tree with gems instead of ornaments since he has so many laying around

⋆˙ ☃︎ — 𝐇𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐎𝐆𝐒

⁺⋆*❅ jouno saigiku

another winter cabin getaway bc he hates how crowded and noisy the city gets during this time of year

you go iceskating on the lake together

he can hear the position of you feet and corrects your form so you don't slip and fall on the ice

even if you're good at iceskaing, he keep his arms linked with yours the whole time or holds onto your hand

at one point, he feels like showing off and spins you around and throws you up into the air like a figure skater, and he giggles maniacally while you scream

makes snow angels with you

once you get back to the cabin, you both roast some s'mores over the fireplace and enjoy a warm cup of hot cocoa

you snuggle by the fire and fall asleep in eachother's arms

⁺⋆*❅ tecchou suehiro

he takes you to go hunting + ice fishing

you probably get freaked out by the thought of shooting the animals, so you both end up just doing a nature walk in the woods instead lol

while looking for the perfect tree, you find a clearing and build a buff snowman (tecchou insists he's more muscular tho)

tecchou chops the tree you decide on and hauls it back home himself bc he's that strong lol

he decorates the tree while you cook some of the fish he caught for dinner

you also make some berry tarts and jam cookies with some berries you foraged on the walk (.◜◡◝)

[izzzzzzieeeeeeeee]

"Adults in Christmas movies are dipshits for not believing in Santa when a bunch of toys they didn't buy show up in their home and they just roll with it."

Yeah, I'm feeling that.

"Being an adult in a Christmas movie is a nightmare because once a year your home is invaded and the only proof you have is your children's favorite toys."

You have my attention, but let's take this further.

"What about the parents in families that don't celebrate Christmas but still find presents every year? How do they feel? Do they feel like they need to protect their children? Do they think they can?"

Here we go, here we go, here we go.

"Does Santa Claus only visit Christian children? Only children who know about Christmas? What if he was chosen as a gift-giver with a sacred duty to deliver presents once a year but understood the categories of 'naughty' and 'nice' to transcend culture? Did families pre-colonization South America suddenly find that wrapped toys showed up in their houses on a schedule that doesn't quite fit their calendars? Did Santa make his presence into an event separate from an observance of the birth of Christ? As a parent, how do you explain this to your children? How does your community respond? How do you interpret the train set a mysterious visitor left for your daughter when your society lives in a part of the world too mountainous to have considered such a mode of transportation?"

[themomsandthecity]

Is Santa Real? How to Tell Your Kids the Truth About Santa, No Matter Their Age

Christmas will be here soon enough, and with it comes the traditions and magic of the holiday season. For many children, that includes Santa Claus. But at some point, your little ones will naturally start asking questions about the man in the red suit supposedly delivering toys to families around the world in just one night. Figuring out a way to answer that question - while maintaining your child's trust - can be tricky. So, what's the right move when faced with the age-old question, "Is Santa real?" Do you tell them the truth about Saint Nicholas, the real man who reportedly walked the earth in the third century becoming the patron saint of children, and the inspiration behind Santa Claus today. Or do you continue to fuel the fantasy? We tasked a child development expert to help explain how to teach kids - of varying ages and growth stages - the truth about Santa Claus. When Do Children Start Questioning If Santa Is Real? Kristene Geering, who in addition to being the content director of e-learning app Parent Lab is a mom of twins and someone who takes the tradition of Santa very seriously in her own home, encourages parents to take a developmental approach to their children's relationship with Santa. She noted that children move from concrete concepts, rooted in magic, to more abstract ones, pinned in reality, as they grow, and that with Santa, most kids transition through three levels of understanding. "Toddlers and preschoolers are all about the magical and unlikely to question much. Then, in elementary ... you'll start to get more questions as your child's thinking becomes more complex." First is concrete awareness. Next up? "Toddlers and preschoolers are all about the magical and unlikely to question much," she told POPSUGAR. "Then, in elementary, more logical thinking is starting to come online and you'll start to get more and more questions as your child's thinking becomes more complex." When her kids were very little and in that first stage of more baseline understanding, Santa was simply a man in a red suit. "He was the guy with the hat and he ate the cookies and the reindeer nibbled the carrots we left out and it was all fine," she said. "But as they got older, we started talking more about the logic of it all." It's at that stage in which they start figuring out the rules of the world that parents can begin to expect the more tactical questions. How can he go to that many houses in one night? How does Santa know how to make and package every single toy? What about kids who don't celebrate Christmas? "That's when we started talking about the magic behind it," she explained. How Should Parents Answer Questions About Santa? Although Geering said every family finds their own way to approach Santa, she has a useful tip for parents with curious kiddos. "Remember to keep things as simple as possible and always refer back to the magic of giving," she said. "Also, asking questions of your kids can give you a great idea where they are in their thinking." If your child asks how Santa can be at the mall and at the zoo and at their classmate's church all at the same time, you could certainly explain that Santa employs many helpers this time of year. But you can also get a better sense of your child's understanding by saying: "That's a very good question! Santa is so busy these days – how do you think he's in so many places at once?" The same goes for Santa hitting up so many houses on one night ("It's amazing, isn't it? How do you think he does it?") and Santa giving some children a bunch of expensive gifts and others something small ("You know Santa loves you or he wouldn't have brought you a gift. Why do you think Santa gives different kids different things?" For this tricky one, she suggests following it up with a bit more on gratitude: "Santa's biggest gift is always love and kindness. He loves you and was thinking of you, and any time someone shows their love by giving us… https://www.popsugar.com/family/Telling-Kids-Truth-About-Santa-27332439?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[schweizercomics]

Companions of Christmas 18: Hogger Boggs! During World War II, Santa generally had to fly much lower than he does during peacetime, for fear of attracting the attention of aircraft spotters and putting local towns into panic. But this made delivering presents in some areas difficult, and in the mountains of eastern Kentucky, Virginia, and Tennessee, with their dense trees and steep peaks, it proved all but impossible, and Santa was at a loss for how to get gifts to the children in the coal towns. Santa reached out to his department store ambassadors in the area to ask if they had any ideas, and his proxy in Kingsport, Tennessee brought the question to the town’s merchant association, who suggested that Santa use the local rail line. But there was a problem: the Clinchfield line, which hit every mining town between Marrowbone & Kermit, was an extremely busy one, with its cars constantly loading the coal needed for both civilian life and the war. With its frequent stops, Santa would never have time to get all over the world. At a loss, they went to see Hogger Boggs, the retired train engineer reputed to know the mountain grades and switches better than anyone else on the railroad. And Boggs set to work, charting a schedule that would allow them to barrel through at full speed without stopping. Boggs’ timetable had to be precise to the very second in order to miss the other trains by mere inches, and the railroad, knowing how hard a time the miners and their families had been having with so many of their number off at war, agreed to give Boggs use of an engine. 6/ When Christmas came, Hogger Boggs was ready, and, with Santa aboard, navigated his train through winding mountains, artfully managing its pace as it climbed and dived, with Santa throwing toys and candies along the way to the children who otherwise wouldn’t have received them. After the end of WWII, Santa returned to delivering presents to Appalachia by sleigh, but the people along the Clinchfield line had so embraced the “Santa Claus Special” that it’s become a yearly tradition. These days, Hogger Boggs lives at the North Pole, where he serves as chief engineer of all Christmas trains, and Santa's chief consultant on planning and scheduling delivery routes for St Nicolas Day, Christmas, and Epiphany. But late each November, Santa and Hogger Boggs take a trip from their northern home down to eastern Kentucky to ride the southbound line through a hundred miles of coal country and distribute toys, school supplies, and necessities to its children.

[insanelydeadlybookcollector]

Chandler Bing Being An Absolutely Perfect Father Long Before He Thought About Having Children

Chandler Bing is a father, he always has been. Often we talk about how Chandler has always been Joey's dad, and every so often he'll act like the father of his group of friends long before he becomes a father, long before he seriously considers becoming a father. Here is a compilation of moments limited to him taking care of the chick and the duck, already growing into the father he never had and always wanted, learning the skills he'd need to be the wonderful father he is to the group and to his own children.

Chandler as a present father, not only doing the hard work like running bath time, but enjoying it and making sure his kids enjoy it.

Chandler as a sympathetic father; he kisses scraped knees and checks for monsters under the bed and can't look when Monica takes the training wheels off Jack's bike for the first time.

Chandler Bing absolutely adored paternity leave, takes the day off work to watch school athletics carnivals and calls in sick when his children are so that he can spend the day with them.

Chandler as a fair disciplinarian; he hates confrontation, always has, but he will step in without qualms at the slightest show of disrespect between the twins or towards their mother. He doesn't like sending them to time outs too often but he will, and he'll expect an apology when time is up.

Chandler always wants a unified parental unit. He hates being the bearer of bad news, especially to his pouty-lipped little girl, so he tries to make sure it is always both himself and Monica delivering bad news, one of them stroking her hair providing comfort When she's older it should correlate to neither of them being known as the pushover parent. Should.

Chandler as the educator dad. His favourite aspect of their nightly routine is reading to his children as he tucks them into bed. Then, when they're old enough, them reading to him. He loves the look on their little faces as they sound out the words with his help, whether they're on the train into the city or on the couch at home. When they're older they'll come to him wanting help with their maths homework and their English essays and it amazes him that these. incredibly smart, beautiful children look to him for assistance.

Chandler as the supportive dad; he watches every living room dance concert and kitchen standup routine no matter how tired he is after a day from work. He makes it to every ballet recital and films every moment of awards ceremonies to he never forgets how talented his babies are.

Chandler as a playful father. Hide and seek, hopscotch, treasure hunts, tea parties, whatever the kids want to play he'll join in. And he cries when they're eleven and specifically ask him not to play pirate games with them even though he invented it for their fifth Halloween. ( I find it amazing that most people think of Chandler as consistently immature when it takes until season four to get a shot of him playing with the birds, up until then he's rushing them to the vet and giving baths and reprimanding them.

Chandler as a protective. Everything he does is designed to protect his children from the harsh reality of the world, even himself. He doesn't yell and doesn't get mad often, but he will when the twins explicitly break a rule he and Monica insist on for their safety. Like the time Jack had ridden his scooter down the street without a helmet because his friends were doing it. Monica had very nearly had a heart attack and Chandler hadn't freaked out like that in years. Or worse, when Erica butt heads with Monica about a party and he'd caught her at the front door trying to go anyway. He couldn't remember ever being that angry before. That afraid.

Chandler as an honest father. He's never been able to lie very well and that is no different when it comes to his children. He can lie to keep magic in their young lives, Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. But he and Monica make sure they are as honest as they can be with their children, explaining what gifts they are in their lives and how they fought to be their parents, sitting them down and talking about bullying, about why Stevie is so sad and her dad won't come by anymore.

[mythicandco]

A Reimaging of the Classic Story of Santa Claus

Okay, so I was just daydreaming (as one does) about how messed up the world is, and somehow I came to thinking up possibly one of my most uselessly brilliant ideas yet: a rewriting and reordering of the classic Santa Claus story. 

We all know how he supposedly flies around the entire planet and gives gifts to every good girl and boy (and supposedly every nonbinary kid, too, though they’re never actually mentioned) in one night, and manages to never skip a house or mix up a present. Not only that, but he apparently delivers coal to all of the “naughty” kids, and yet not one child you’ve met - even the most rotten bully - has ever gotten such a thing. 

But I have a solution to this frankly outrageous story: Santa Claus has proven he can travel faster than any other human on this planet (it’s heavily implied he can actually stop time entirely), and he can keep track of every single human under the age of eighteen on Earth. So who’s to say he doesn’t just visit two houses: the home of the Nicest and Naughtiest Kids on the planet. 

I’ll elaborate under the cut.

For the Nicest Kid, he leaves a present that they’d only thought up in their wildest dreams, along with a note in loopy handwriting that sparkles as you read it. “To The Nicest Kid. -Santa” 

Credit to my mom for the following idea: For the Naughtiest Kid, he also leaves an extravagant present that they thought they could only dream of. This one has no note. That coupled with a rumor that sometimes Santa forgets to add a note (which he never actually does) will have a 55% chance of making them better next year. Hear me out:

So imagine, if you can, the Naughtiest Kid in the world. Maybe they’re mean to others because of a rotten core, or maybe it’s because of their terrible circumstances or maybe it’s a mix of both. No one expects to be the bottom of the barrel. They receive a glittering, magical package that their parents (or siblings, or whoever’s taking care of them) under the tree, and they open it to find it has no note; simply a present they never thought possible. One of two things will happen:

They will continue to be naughty. Either they’ll be mad that they aren’t first place or they’ll be greedy for more or something, the kid just keeps being a jerk. 

Or they will try to make themselves better. Either they’ll think, “Oh my gosh, I was terrible enough to get a present from Santa!” or they’ll think “Wait, what if I was somehow at the top of the Nice List?! How messed up does that make the rest of the world and everyone I know??” and try to better themselves. (Remember the rumor that sometimes Santa forgets to leave a note.) 

Now, I bet you’re wondering what would stop them from simply being terrible again next year and getting another present. Well, if they don’t make a considerable change or at least try to be a better person next year (which is already a feat in and of itself, whether or not they actually get that much higher in the rankings), they’ll receive a massive pile of coal. A clear sign from Santa that they’re being an asshole. After that, even if they hit the bottom of the naughty list again, they’ll only receive coal. 

It’s not a perfect system, of course, and often the Nice Kids feel pressured to keep being nice (unless the rule is they only get one Nice Present per lifetime, which could work) and the Naughty Kids might keep being naughty, but it’s really the convenience that counts. No longer will children have to question how a man moves at a physically impossible speeds and delivers more than seven billion presents in one night. No longer will they wonder why so many of their presents are from relatives and which ones are actually from Santa Claus. 

Now, I’m not usually one who loves telling lies, but frankly Santa Claus would be much easier to believe in (for those who chose to) if his story was altered. It’s morally better, it’s physically more possible, and just in general makes more sense. If anyone has anything to add, go ahead! Even with my mom’s advice for first offering positive consequences to being the bottom of the list, I’m sure there are flaws in this retelling of the story. 

tl;dr: there are lots of problems with how Santa Claus delivers gifts or coal to every kid on earth. So what if only the top and bottom of the list got something? It makes Christmas easier on both the old jolly fellow and the tired old parents of these kids. 

[nightwitchwriter]

Christmas Chapter

To those that have been reading my story, I apologized for being so late with my recent works. I managed to finish the other two on Christmas and this one before New Years. So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Nick’s POV

I walked into the kitchen to be greeted by a giant basket filled with pears and a box filled with pear based foods, like pie, cobbler, juice, even jelly beans, which Molly was stuffing herself with.

“Where did the pears come from?”

“Faye bought them!” Molly, mouth stuffed of jelly beans

“She did?”

“Both her and her father.” mom, who came from the next room. “Molly, leave some for the rest of us.”

I stared at the packages, uncertain about its products.

“Why pears?”

“Why don’t you ask?” mom asked playfully before walking into the kitchen.

The next day, I went to the Black Cat Cafe, carrying a bag. When I walked in, it was semi-busy, with many of the tables full.

“Hello Nick.” Mrs. McCalmont, from behind the counter.

“Hi, Mrs. McCalmont. Is Wil home?”

“No, she’s helping me with a delivery. Is something wrong?”

“Uh, no, um, here.” I handed her a bag of apples. “Mom says thanks for the pears.”

“Oh your welcome. Thank you.”

As she took the apples, I struggled to ask my question, even though it may sound rude.

“Uh, what are the pears for?”

“For the 12 Days of Christmas!” Faye jumped from behind the counter, surprising me.

“12 days of Christmas? As in the song?” I questioned “So, in the place of Christmas?”

“Oh no we celebrate Christmas. Think of it as a Christmas tradition. It gets everyone in the Christmas spirit.”

“Does everyone on Arcanos do it?” Looking around, making sure no one heard me.

“You can talk about Arcanos. There’s no rule about it not talking about it. Watch. ARCANOS!”

Everyone in the cafe turned to look at us.

“Faye, stop that.” scolded Mrs. McCalmont. “If it makes you feel better, we can go into the kitchen?”

I nodded and followed them into the cafe kitchen, where I saw stuff moving by itself. The food was cooking and wrapping themselves. I saw tiny fairies flying around the kitchen as well as multiple ovens and stoves, six at least. I could smell bread baking, chocolate melting and meat roasting.

“Wow.” I looked at the whole room in amazement. One of the fairies came up to him and landed on his shoulder. She looked at him curiously.

“I hope the fairies aren’t a health code violation.” I joked

“Those aren’t fairies. They’re pixies.” explained Faye “Fairies are much bigger.”

“I see.” I looked back at the kitchen. “It’s like Merlin’s spell from the Sword in the Stone.”

“It's something similar.” Mrs. McCalmont answered, putting the apples in the center table. “It makes work a bit easier.”

“So how does the 12 days of Christmas work?” 

“Well, like the song, it lasts for 12 days, from the 12th to the 24th. For each day of Christmas, we gift that theme of the day. Like, a partridge in a pear tree.” she explained

“So, like you give out pear based presents?”

“Exactly. When I married my husband, we carried the tradition to his family, then decided to use it for the cafe as well.”

“Wow. So, if yesterday was pears, then today would be-”

“Doves!” exclaimed Faye

“Doves? Like turtle doves?”

“Uh-huh. Last year, my aunt gave me actual turtle doves.” she bragged

“Really?”

“No, she didn’t. Don’t tease him like that, or you won’t get any presents from Santa.” Mrs. McCalmont scolded

 I chuckled to myself. Felicity is the same age as Faye, but doesn’t believe in Santa anymore. “You still believe in Santa?”

“Of course I do. Why should I not?”

“Because your getting older.”

“These pixies are real.” she pointed out. “So why shouldn’t Santa?”

She had me there. I glared at the pixie on my shoulder giggling at me.

“So for the second day, what should I give?”

“Why? You want to give my sister a gift?” Faye grinned  “On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me…” 

“What? No! I just saw Wil give something to Maddy today and yesterday. So, I was wondering, since its Christmas season.” For some reason, my cheeks were getting warm. Am I blushing? Why am I blushing?! Why does

“So what should I give her? And Maddy?”

“Well, the most common gifts would be turtle candies, dove chocolates, dove products or ornaments.” answered Mrs. McCalmont.

“That’s it?”

“Well, unless you have enough money to get her actual turtle doves…” she smirked “Oh, speaking of which…”

She went to the fridge and took out a paper bag. She gave it to me and I looked inside to see individually wrapped chocolate turtles inside.

“No one in your family is allergic to pecans right?” she gently asked

Christmas may be the time of generosity, but this is surprisingly generous.

Will’s POV

For the past couple of days, I’ve been getting presents. Not that it’s a bad thing. It’s Christmas season of course, but…

“Maybe you have your own Santa Claus?” questioned Maddy

We were walking through the downtown area of the town, in Arcanos. Like in Harry Potter, many of the lights and lighted ornaments were floating in mid-air.

I’ve been getting 12 days of christmas presents, but they aren’t from anyone I know. Why? Because I’ve been finding them, somehow in my locker. The same happened with Maddy, but the gifts were different. 

On the 3rd day, she got 3 hen and chicks succulent plants, while I got French perfume. 4th day. She had a birdhouse, feeder, braille book and birdseed ornaments delivered to her house. I got cell phone accessories, including a diy phone case. 5th day. Five donuts were at Maddy’s desk. I got 5 rings, two hoops and a ring. 6th day. She got a recipe for eggnog, while I got chocolate creme eggs. By the 6th day, enough was enough.

“Like a Secret Santa? No way. Who would want to be secret Santas with me?” I questioned her

“Speaking of which, does Santa really exist in Arcanos?” she asked

“In a manner of speaking, yes. He’s more of a spirit now, than an actual person.”

“Wow, that’s amazing.”

“And you know those snow globes from the movie Rise of the Guardians? There’s actual snow globes like them?”

“Really? That’s so cool!” Maddy thought for a minute. “So you really don’t know who’s been giving you those gifts?”

“I have an idea.”

“Nick?”

And this is why she is my best friend. 

“Yep.”

“Why?”

“Remember that bet we made on my birthday? He’s trying to romance me, like he does for Heather. I saw him giving her an “early” Christmas present. A plush reindeer.”

“So you aren’t upset that he’s courting you, even though he's dating Heather?”

“Not really. It’s not so bad.” I winked at her. “Plus, we're getting free stuff out of it right?”

“Hm. Good point. But are you going to get him something?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I got some ideas.” I grinned evilly

“Ooh, can I help? He gave me stuff too.” Maddy volunteered. I grinned.

“Hmmm, fair enough, alright. Come on, let’s come up with some ideas.”

On the 7th day, which was for swans, I left something in Nick’s locker, before quickly heading in the direction of mine. I turned the corner and waited until Nick came. Maddy stood next to me. After a few minutes, Nick came in with his group of friends.

“Is he here yet?”

“Yeah. Shh!”

We, well I, watched as Nick opened his locker, and a giant, white inflatable pool swan blew up in his locker. I used big magic to make it bigger. It bursted the door opened, surprising them and everyone else in the hallway. It kept growing and nearly filled the whole hallway. And here’s the best part. It fell right on top of Nick. I could barely contain myself.

“What happened?”

“It fell on top of him.”

Maddy started to chuckle too.

“Come on, let’s go.”

We hurried away to our lockers, then classes before anyone noticed.

Nick’s POV

I. Am going. To kill. Her. I don’t care what type of magic she used, I know she put that stupid swan in my locker. I even got in trouble with it. Twice! It made me late for class, since it took 15 minutes to deflate it.

What the hell?

I was trying to be nice and give her presents, and Maddy too, not because of that stupid bet, because its Christmas! Aren’t you supposed to give presents to each other on Christmas?

Fine. If she wants to be naughty, I’ll show her naughty. Ugh. That did not sound right.

Later that day, I watched Wil as she got closer to her locker.

“Uh, Nick?” I turned around to see Dylan. “What are you doing?”

“Shhh!”

I motioned him over, and we watched as Wil opened her locker and then- boof!

A small explosion of black power and black feathers covered Wil and some parts of Maddy!

“Wh-what the?”

“What happened?” asked Maddy

Me and Dylan quickly went behind the wall before we were spotted. We could barely contain our laughter.

“Holy Shit!” laughed Dylan

“How’s that for a black swan?”

“Are you out of your mind? You just pranked the Wicked Witch of Willow High.”

“I know. Just a little payback.” I turned to look at him. “Want to help me out with the next one?”

“Oh heck yes.”

The next few days continued as followed: on the 8th day, Wil got pelted with milk balloons, while Nick smelled like camebre cheese, after finding them in his pockets every five minutes. The 9th day, Nick’s locker was filled with ballet items, while Wil was scared by red dancing shoes. The 10th day, both found frogs and toads in their personal items. Wil in her book bag, Nick in his pants while in the bathroom. On the 11th day, Wil was scared by a sudden piercing from a recorder while in the bathroom, and the same goes for Nick while answering his phone. On the 12th day, Wil was woken by the sound of drums from metal rock, while Nick was kept up all night because of it. 

Wil’s POV

“That’s it! No more pranks!” scolded Mom. I was keeping the pranks on Nick a secret from her, but she managed to find out. “It’s Christmas Eve! Now make up and give him a present as an apology and a sign of actual good will.”

“But mom,...” I didn’t want to, but… I really don’t want to.

“Do it or no Christmas.” threatened my dad

I groaned. Missing Christmas is one of the worst things that can happen to anyone. I know there are thousands of people who have no choice but to miss Christmas, but its not fair for me either.

“At least call a truce for Christmas.”

I sighed. “All right. No more pranks.”

“And give him a present he’ll like, nothing cheap!”

The night before Christmas, and all through the night. Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. And it was freaking cold! I got Nick’s stupid present, but I couldn’t give it to him at school. I wanted to drop it off at his house and that’ll be it, but my parents would not accept it. Dad even threatened to call them on Christmas, just to make sure I gave him the present. So, I’m here on my broom, at his house, at night, in the freezing cold! I clutched the present closer to my chest, debating whether this a good or bad idea. Groaning, I lowered myself towards his room window.

Also, if you all are wondering how I knew where Nick’s home or even his room is, thank Dalia, due to her mischief.

I knocked on the window with the curtains closed.

“Nick!” I quietly yelled, to prevent anyone seeing me.

I didn’t hear any movement, but the lights were on.

“Nick!”

Nothing. I reached into my pocket, and took out a hag stone. A hag stone is a stone that has a natural hole inside them. Depending on how or where the stones were formed, by looking through the holes, you could see various things. The one I have is similar to the one in Coraline. So think of the had stone as x-ray vision goggles.

I looked through it and could see past the house walls. I saw Nick in his bed, sleeping.

I knocked on the window again.

“Nick!”

Seeing that he wasn’t waking up, I tapped the window lock twice. 

“Tick tock. Break the lock.”

The window unlocked and opened itself, and I climbed in.

His room is surprisingly clean, for a high school boy. I saw him in his bed and walked over to wake him. His snoring is as loud as a high school boy. I shook him as hard as I could.

“Nick! Nick! Niiiccckkkk!”

After some groans, Nick managed to slowly open his eyes. His eyes widened quickly when he saw that I was in his room.

“Holy freaking crap!” he yelled as he scrambled away from me. I just smiled.

“Merry Christmas!” I smirked

“What are you doing in my house?! How’d you get into my house?!”

“Magic. Duh.”

“How’d you even know where I live?”

“Dalia. Duh. Anymore questions?”

He was silent for a moment, before asking, “What are you doing here?”

“Come outside.”

“It is freezing outside. And it’s Christmas Eve. If this is another prank, can it wait until morning?”

“It’s not a prank. My mom wants us to call a truce for Christmas, so truce?” I ask while holding out my hand.

Nick looked at my hand, suspicious and hesitating for a bit, before taking my hand.

“Fine, truce.”

“Good. Now come outside. I have a present for you.”

A few minutes later, we were both outside in the cold. After explaining that I got him a gift, it turns out he got me one too. Then we both stood there awkwardly for the next few minutes.

“So, want to open them now?” Nick asked

“Ehhh, it kind of goes against my tradition of opening presents before Christmas. You?”

“Not my tradition.”

He quickly went to open his present.

“Woah, a toy motorcycle. Cool.”

“Press the button.”

He looked confused.

I took the toy, pushed the button, then put it on the street and stepped back. Moments later, it quickly grew in size to a rideable size. The look on Nick’s face shows that I gave him the right gift. 

“I heard from Felicity that you got your motorcycle license, so I got you this.”

Remember the boat from Ponyo? There’s a toy company in Arcanos that makes toys inspired by the film. Cost a lot, but not as much as a regular motorcycle.

“What do you think?”

The next thing I knew, he was hugging me. An actual, no hesitation hug. 

“Thanks.” he whispered

Turns out, he was saving money for a motorcycle, but wasn’t close yet. With this, he doesn’t have to save anymore. But for some reason, he now didn’t want to give me my present. He tried to take it back, but after some tugging, I won. I decided to leave before he tries to take it again, but before I did, I showed him how to make it small again. Before I flew away, I watched Nick go back inside and shut the window I opened. 

The next day, on Christmas, I opened Nick’s present first. It was a ugly Christmas sweater, with a witch in a Santa dress and hat, on a broom, with a bag of presents behind her, flying through the night sky. A ugly Christmas sweater that's witch themed. After opening the rest of my presents, it was the only thing I didn’t have anything to say about. But, I wore it on the first day back at school. 

[lovemesomesurveys]

merry christmas, ya filthy animal

1. What are some of your favorite Christmas activities or family traditions? Putting up decorations and decorating the tree, watching Christmas movies, listening to Christmas music, and buying gifts for my family. 

2. What is your favorite version of the story “The Gingerbread Man”? (There are many different ones out there) Uhh, I’m not sure what the different versions are or which one it is I know. Guess it’s been awhile since I’ve heard the story. All I remember is him running away saying, “Run, run as fast as you can. You can’t catch me, I’m the Gingerbread Man.”

3. Do you use an advent calendar in order to celebrate Christmas? Does it have any sort of particular theme to it? I did every year as a kid and sometimes as a teenager and young adult just for fun. I just wanted the chocolate, let’s be real. 

4. What is one way that you could volunteer during the holiday season and help out those who are less fortunate? (it doesn’t have to cost a boatload of money) My church is doing a toy drive, which I think is awesome.

5. Do you have a nativity set as one of your Christmas decorations? Have you ever had one of the pieces break before? How did it break? Did you put it back together with superglue or did you have to purchase a whole new set? I do not. I’d like to get one, though.

6. Is there anything that you actually dislike the most about Christmas? If so, what is it? Why? The only thing I don’t like is how quickly it comes and goes. Once December hits it just flies by and it’s over before I know it and it makes me sad.

7. What is the best Christmas present that you remember getting as a kid? I was obSESSED with Barbies, so I got super excited getting anything Barbie related.

8. Do you bake a lot of cookies for Christmas? What kinds of cookies? Is there any other sort of holiday baking that your do during this season? Not anymore. Growing up one of the traditions I had was baking sugar cookies from scratch and decorating them with one of our family friends. I loved doing that. Even as a teenager I still did that some years on my own (not from scratch, though) and I also loved baking those Pillsbury Christmas sugar cookies. As an adult I was still into baking sugar cookies and frosting them. My former best friend and I used to get together one day and do that together while watching Christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate, which was fun. During Christmastime was really the only time I did any baking, but I haven’t done any for the past few years. I just haven’t had the energy or motivation. :/ This was an unnecessarily long answer, but the question prompted me to look back on memories and old traditions and I miss it.

9. Do you have any holiday-themed hats (santa, elf, lights headband, reindeer antlers) that you wear? How about any sort of ugly sweaters? Can you describe them or post a picture of them here? (you do not have to necessarily be in the picture) I have a Santa hat, reindeer antlers, and a fun one that lights up. I love that kind of stuff. I love Christmas sweaters, too, and have a few of them. I have enough Christmas shirts, sweaters, and leggings for just about everyday of the month, ha.

10. How many places do you usually go during Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Are there other days that you typically get together with family during this month? Who typically hosts Christmas? Are you expected to bring any sort of side dishes? We haven’t gone anywhere in several years for the holidays. That was a big thing growing up and as a teenager, but then it started dwindling down over the years, sadly. Oh, but my family and my other family on my dad’s side did travel out of state to where my grandparents live to spend Christmas with them like 6 years ago. That was really nice and the first time we all spent Christmas together since I was young. We’ve hosted several Christmases at my house as well; the last time was 3-4 years ago. Now it’s just my parents, brother, and I, but it’s still very nice and I’m grateful for that.

11. What is the typical Christmas meal that you eat for the holiday? Please describe it here. Ham, homemade mashed potatoes and gravy, homemade mac and cheese, stuffing, rolls, and some appetizers. 

12. Do you typically get snow for Christmas, or do you live someplace where it doesn’t/hardly ever snows? It doesn’t snow here, sadly. :(

13. If there was a ban on Christmas, how would you react? Can you give a reason why Christmas should exist? Are you able to debate why it should not be a recognized holiday? I would be extremely upset. I’ve always loved Christmastime, it’s my favorite time of year. Even as an adult I still get into the Christmas spirit and get excited on Christmas morning. These past few years have been especially rough for me health wise, physically and mentally, but Christmastime gives me something to look forward to and brings me joy. So, no. Just no. It’s not going anywhere.

14. Were you ever given coal from Santa as a child? How did you react? I received the candy coal for fun as a kid sometimes.

15. It’s time to list some favorites: Christmas book, Christmas movie, Christmas song… A Christmas Carol. As for movies, I love The Santa Clause movies (the first one is the best, it’s a classic), Home Alone 1 & 2, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, A Christmas Story, How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Elf, Christmas with the Kranks, Deck the Halls, Jingle All the Way, Four Christmases, Disney’s A Christmas Carol (the one with Jim Carrey and the Mickey version), the claymotion ones like Rudolph, Santa Clause is Comin’ to Town, The Year Without a Santa Clause, etc, Frosty the Snowman, A Charlie Brown Christmas, the cute Disney Christmas cartoons such as Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas and Winnie the Pooh and Christmas Too... I’m probably forgetting some, but I think you get the idea now. I just love Christmas movies. I love Christmas music, too. I’m not listing them all, but my favorites are the classics.

16. What do you think is something that Santa should get for Christmas? New suit and boots.

17. If you were able to borrow Santa’s sleigh, where would you want to go and travel to? To the North Pole, duh. ha.

18. What do you think that Santa’s elves do on their day off? Play.

19. Where is somewhere that Santa and Mrs. Claus should go on vacation to? Somewhere warm and tropical instead of cold and frozen. <<<

20. Who do you think would help to deliver the presents if Santa were to get sick?     That makes me think of the movie, A Year Without a Santa Clause. He got sick and Christmas was cancelled. Like, Santa needs an assistant or something in case that happens. Or, Mrs. Clause may have to do it.

(made by: tickle-my-pickle)

[writer-k-pop]

Merry Christmas

What would you like for Christmas? 크리스마스에 무엇을 하고 싶으세요?

Description: Yunho comes home with a surprise for your kids. Warnings: None Genre: Fluff Word Count: 1.6k Ateez Masterlist | Masterlists

“This weather is causing me such a headache.” I rub my temples and stare out the window at the falling snow.

The 8 o’clock news channel murmurs away behind me while Sunhee and Hwan chase each other throughout the house. Yunho said he had to stay late at the studio for some reason, but he should be coming home soon, hopefully. I finished cleaning the dinner dishes, got the kids into their pajamas, and now am trying to think of a way to distract the little ones until bedtime.

“Santa’s gonna put you on the naughty list!” Sunhee states to Hwan.

“No he’s not.” Hwan retorts, “I’ve been good all year, right, mom?” They both turn to you.

“Of course, you both have been good kids.” I smile and seat on the couch, “You’re on the nice list.”

“I want to ask him!” Sunhee says, “I want to make sure I’m on the nice list.”

“It’s Christmas Eve, Sunhee, Santa Claus is busy delivering presents right now.” I explain as Hwan crawls into my lap.

“But we didn’t get to visit him this year.” Sunhee complains, “Daddy never took us like he promised. I really wanted to see Santa Claus.” Her lips juts out in a pout and I know I have to distract her before the tears start to fall.

“Sunhee,” I call out to her and she looks at me with the big doe eyes she gained from her father, “Should we make the cookies for Santa?”

Before she can answer, Hwan is out of my lap and running for the kitchen.

“COOKIES!” He exclaims, running around happily.

Sunhee can’t hold back her smile and follows her brother into the kitchen.

As I walk to the kitchen, I send Yunho a quick text to see where in the world he is.

“I’m gonna leave the studio in a few minutes. I should be home in soon.” Yunho sends back in a flash.

“MOM.” Sunhee calls out to me once she pulls both bozes of premade cookies out of the freezer. “Where is the pan?”

“I’ll get it.” I tell my daughter and reach into a cabinet after I preheat the oven.

“I want to do the Christmas tree ones.” Hwan says with a smile.

“But I want to do the snowman ones.” Sunhee says, crossing her arms.

“We can do them both.” I tell them while lining the pans with parchment paper.

“Hwan, you can put the Christmas tree ones on this side and Sunhee, you can put the snowmen on this side.”

They both happily nod and take the cookies out and put them onto their respective sides.

“All done!” Sunhee says happily and steps down from her stool.

“Alright, look out, Mom’s gonna put them into the oven.” I tell them while grabbing the pan of cookies.

“How long do we have to wait?” Hwan asks staring at the oven door.

“12 minutes, bub.” I tell him and set a timer on my phone.

Sunhee sits on the couch and swings her legs out in front of her. “What do we do now?”

Suddenly, there’s a knocking at the door.

“Who’s at the door?” Hwan asks.

“I don’t know.” I reply, thoroughly confused. I crack open the door to find a tall man in a full Santa suit with the biggest puppy smile I have ever seen.

A smile forms on my lips as I recognize the costumed man as Yunho.

“I couldn’t bring them to Santa so I brought Santa to them.” He whispers.

I nod and open the door wider.

“Sunhee, Hwan, look who’s here!” I tell them.

They come running from the living room and stop and stare at Santa in the doorway.

“Santa!” Hwan says happily and runs to hug Yunho.

“What are you doing here?” Sunhee asks, still unmoving from her spot. “Mom said you were too busy delivering gifts.”

“Oh, well, your mom called me and told me you really wanted to visit me so I made extra time to come here.” Yunho replies in a deep, jolly-old-man voice.

“Really?” Sunhee asks, a smile spreads across her features.

“Come see our Christmas tree!” Hwan says happily, pulling Yunho into the house. “Our daddy helped us decorate it!”

“Did he now?” Yunho says, looking at the tree like it’s the first time, “Well, I think you did a fantastic job.”

“Thank you.” Sunhee says happily.

“Now,” Yunho says, taking a seat on the couch, “What would you like for Christmas?”

Sunhee giggles in excitement and takes a seat on his right knee while Hwan takes the other knee.

A small beeping pulls me to the kitchen where the timer has gone off meaning the cookies have finished baking.

I turn off the oven and pull the cookie sheet out. As I set the cookies onto a plate, Sunhee and Hwan come skipping into the kitchen.

“Mommm,” They say in unison.

“Can Santa read us a bedtime story?” Sunhee asks sweetly.

“Please.” Hwan begs.

I can’t say no to their big puppy eyes, “Of course. But we have to put out the cookies for Santa.”

Sunhee’s eyes go big before she runs out.

“Santa!” She says, “Can you go upstairs and wait for us there?”

“Why?” Yunho asks, confusion clear in his voice.

“We have to put out your cookies for when you come back and give us our gifts.” Sunhee explains, and begins to drag him towards the stairs.

Hwan joins his sister in trying to push Yunho up the stairs.

When he’s halfway up, they come back to the kitchen. I watch from the doorway as Sunhee carefully gives Hwan the glass of milk and then takes the plate of cookies herself. They walk over and set the glass and plate down on the small table next to the tree. Satisfied with the presentation, they go running up the stairs while calling for me.

“Mom, come on! Santa’s gonna read us a story!” Hwan says giddily.

I laugh and follow my kids up the stairs. By the time I’ve reached Sunhee’s room, the two have piled onto her bed while Yunho picks out a book to read.

“How about this one?” He asks, showing them a book.

They both nod quickly and make space for Yunho to sit between them.

Leaning against the doorframe, I watch as he opens the book and begins to read to the kids. The way he changes his voice to fit each character pulls laughter from the kids. Adding sound effects makes Hwan fall over from laughing so hard. Every once in a while, he’ll glance up at me, sending a wave a happiness through me. Knowing he can make our kids this happy by doing such a simple thing gives me so much reassurance that he was the right choice. I fiddle with my wedding ring as he finishes the story.

“Do you have to go, Santa?” Hwan asks as Yunho pulls the blankets over Sunhee.

“I have to get back to delivering gifts to the other nice children.” Yunho says and pats Sunhee’s head.

“Santa?” Sunhee calls to him as he leads Hwan out of her room.

“Yes, dear?” Yunho responds.

“Be safe and don’t get too cold.” Sunhee says with a small smile.

“I will.” Yunho says with a nod.

“Good night, Sunhee.” I say and give her a quick kiss on the forehead.

“Thanks for calling Santa, mom.” She says as her eyes close.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart.” I smile and leave her room.

“No, Shiba Junior goes over here and Toothless goes over there.” Hwan says as Yunho attempts to help him arrange his stuffed animals.

“Oh, I see.” Yunho says, amused by his own son’s detailed night routine. “Alright, all set?” He asks.

Hwan nods and Yunho pulls the covers up to his chin.

“Good night, Hwan.” Yunho says.

“Good night, Santa.” Hwan says sleepily, his eyes already shutting.

Yunho walks out of the room and I give Hwan a kiss on the forehead but he’s already passed out.

Back downstairs, Yunho is sitting on the couch. He got rid of his beard and hat and looks exhausted.

“You really didn’t have to do that.” I tell him, sitting down next to him.

“I know.” He sighs and brings me into a hug. “But I felt so bad about not being able to take the kids to see Santa because of my schedule.”

“Well, you definitely made up for it tonight.” I reassure him.

“What kind of cookies did you guys get me?” He asks, peeking at the side table.

“The premade sugar ones.” I tell him.

“Oh yeah, my favorite.” He says happily and grabs a couple.

“By the way, where did you get a costume so fast?” I ask, picking up the Santa hat.

“Well,” He responds in between bites, “Mingi was drunk one night and Jongho convinced him that it was a good idea to buy a Santa suit even though he has no use for it whatsoever.”

I laugh, “Sounds about right.”

Yunho closes his eyes and leans his head on my shoulder.

“Should we put the presents out and then get to bed?” I ask, “You look like you need some sleep.”

Yunho nods, “Can you go get them while I make it look like Santa was here?”

“Sure.” I agree before going to the closet and pull out the two gifts for each child. Setting them out next to the other presents, Yunho drinks half of the milk and takes a bite out of another cookie before putting it back.

Standing back, Yunho wraps an arm around my waist as we look at another Christmas well done.

“Merry Christmas, Yunho.” I say, leaning into him.

Yunho places a kiss on the top of my head, “Merry Christmas, (Y/N).”

Silence for a few seconds and then he ruins the moment by asking, “So, what did you get me for Christmas?”

[big-low-t]

Spider Two

I was just a lonely kid in grade school at the time. I didn't quite believe in myself you know? Not sure I ever did, but back then I found it hard to rely on even what my own brain was telling me. I day dreamed a lot then, got lost in my thoughts. Too shy to do anything else really, but I will never forget one particular afternoon and one little green spider.

I guess I should set the scene a bit first. It was a catholic grade school. We learned how to read and write. We also learned about God, Jesus, the Bible, the Ten Commandments and all of that stuff. We said the Pledge of Allegiance every morning. Back then it meant something more than it does today, at least I tend to think so.

Anyway, our class had gone outside for a lesson. You know one of those warm days with plenty of sunshine and just a hint of a breeze? Those days are nice. Our class was seated on the ground and at an old picnic table under a large leaf-filled tree blocking most of the bright sun. There was an old school bus parked nearby. I remember my Dad worked on it once a few years after this day, getting it started again. It hadn't run for years. My Dad fixed things. He fixed things and helped others. It was his gift.

So the teacher is up in front of us all, standing at the grill of this old bus, telling the class something about God or Jesus, I don't really remember because I was lost in some sort of day dream of random thoughts and then... well... then I looked to my right at the kid sitting beside me.

There was a beam of sunlight coming through the leaves right above his forehead. Then I saw it. A tiny almost translucent little green tree spider. It was dropping down towards the boy's forehead. Framed in the sunlight it all seemed surreal. Whatever day-dream I was in left momentarily as I was amazed watching the spider drop down to the boy's forehead and then climb back up, leaving a trail of silk along the way. Building a small web from a tree branch just above and back down to the kid's head just below. Back and forth it went in the sunlight. The strands of the web shimmering in sun's rays.

I watched and wondered and pondered and thought and questioned just how in the name of all things eight legged could this boy NOT feel a spider building a web and using his forehead as an anchor point. I never once thought, and maybe I should feel ashamed of this, but I'm not, I just never thought one single time to let the boy know what was happening.

I started instead drifting back into a thought I was working on in my young and confused brain... I was thinking about Santa Claus and Jesus. Yep. You see, just a few years earlier this whole “Santa is Real” stuff got blown up for me. I was beginning to have some doubts at the time. Things just didn't seem to add up.

(Oh, the spider just left another strand attached to the kid's head)

But I was thinking this Santa guy we've all been taught to believe in so strongly from birth, this stuff can't be real. How the hell can one man deliver gifts to everyone in one night? And how do his reindeer really fly? And if this all-powerful Santa Claus can do all of this why,    oh God why?,    do the teachers always ask for donations of gifts and money for less fortunate kids and families? Can't this Santa fellow bring the goods to these people as well as the more well to do folks? It just didn't add up.

It all came to a head in the back of a station wagon. I mean one of those big old mother truckin' station wagons from the 70's. One that could hold about 475 people plus the groceries? Remember them? They had fake wood paneling on the side, were usually brown or green and had this seat in the back that faced back toward other cars. Well, a few class-mates and myself were in the back seat of one such wagon on the way home after school. We started talking about Santa. One kid was adamant that there was no Santa and it was his parents that bought and brought him gifts. Another kid wasn't having it. He was gonna go down in flames as a prominent Santa believer. Couldn't tell him otherwise. Me? I just said “Hey, maybe there was some guy named Kris Kringle, but I dunno, I don't think there is a real Santa now.”

(The spider dropped yet another strand of silk on the boy's head, he moved slightly putting some tension on the web, but it didn't break and the spider kept going.)

So as I sat under that tree, not listening to the teacher, but thinking of Santa instead, I began wondering to myself if Santa isn't real what about this “God” we've all also been taught to believe in since birth? My elementary school brain couldn't quite wrap itself around the whole issue at the time, but some seeds were sown that day that without good soil, without water, without sunlight... would continue to grow and grow stronger the older I got, the more I learned.

I didn't know what to do with such thoughts at the time. So, like a lot of kids, I just went along and said prayers and knelt down at the right points during mass. Answered with the right robotic responses to what the priest said. Ate the little wafers that are supposed to be someone's body. Now isn't that cannibalism? I never understood it at the time and I honestly still don't really get it...

As I watched that spider drop down one more time on that clueless boy's forehead I wondered if there could be a God behind the scenes, laying down webs, stringing things together... but none of us could REALLY feel it, you know? Like this poor boy with a spider's home strapped to his forehead!

But things break and things die and things end. With one small gust of wind and a twist of one kid's head the spider's entire half-hour of work crumbled as the connection of silk pulled free. Little strands of web flapped around now. I felt a sadness I didn't fully understand at that moment and none of my sympathy was for the kid, I wondered about the spider and it's web all busted and gone to hell. I wondered about God, I wondered if I was supposed to have been listening to the teacher and what lesson I completely missed out on? I wondered why I was too shy to ask anyone about it, or pretty much anything. Such was my life back then.

I'll tell you one thing, though, for the rest of that class session outside, my hands kept brushing over my head, just in case a friend of the little green tree spider decided that I looked like a good place for a home!

[joshversus]

... Holiday Gaming, Year 5

It is absolutely batshit that I’ve been running these stupid Risus one-shot adventures every December for half a decade.  And yet, here we are, and once again I close out a year’s tabletop RPG play with a chaotic mess of wild improvisation and half-baked ideas loosely themed to midwinter celebrations.  You can read about previous years adventures here, here, here, and here.  

This year formed a direct sequel to last year’s game, which was itself a semi-sequel to the first holiday one shot.  

Following a lawsuit alleging image infringement, trademark violations, defamation, and mail fraud (among other charges), Lucifer settled out of court.  As a result of the arbitration, Lucifer (Satan) is legally obligated to fulfill those letters intended for Santa which, due to misspelling, have been delivered to the Infernal Pit instead.  The letters from Good Children, in particular, must be fulfilled on Christmas Eve as is the expected contract with Santa.  Of course, Lucifer himself is embedded waist-deep in Cocytus, the frozen lake at the bottom of Hell, and anyway you don’t get to reign over the entire Inferno without delegating, so the work has been farmed out to lesser demons.  The easy letters are dealt with by imps and various minor servitors, but there remain a few more problematic missives, and the Devil has appointed these to five of the lords of Hell to handle before Christmas morning.  

Our player characters are:

HAAGENTI, President of Hell, governor over 33 legions, in the shape of a winged bull. (Polymath 4, Boozehound 3, Demon 2, Alchemist 1)

AMDUSIAS, Duke of Hell, governor over 29 legions, in the shape of an upright unicorn. (Magical Musician 4, Treebender 3, Booming Voice 2, Demon 1)

BARBATOS, Duke of Hell, governor over 30 legions, in the shaped of a devilish bearded man. (Demon 4, Dr. Doolittle 3, Treasure Hunter 2, Fortune Teller 1)

FURFUR, Earl of Hell, governor over 26 legions, in the shape of a hart with a fiery tail. (Cupid 4, Thunder and Lightning 3, Demon 2, Soothsayer 1)

MARCHOSIAS, Marquess of Hell, governor over 30 legions, in the shape of a winged wolf with a flaming mouth. (Rowdy Boy 4, Demon 3, Fundamentally Honest 2, Flamethrower 1)

(Our demonic cast is directly but loosely based off their attributes as recorded in The Lesser Key of Solomon.)

Lucifer lays out the deal: Get this done before dawn. They’ve got to follow the rules Santa laid on in arbitration:

No teleporting inside the residence.  They can teleport to it, but must get inside physically.

No damage.  No blasting the walls down with hellfire or the like. Santa doesn’t do property damage.

No getting seen, unless being seen fosters belief in Santa Claus and the Magic of Christmas.

If milk and cookies or other snacks have been left out for Santa, they must be consumed.

Letters from Good Children must be fulfilled.

There are five Good Child letters left. Lucifer has provided them with a magic sack which will provide the next letter as each is fulfilled, and also potentially provide gifts or other useful tools (no guarantees).  The letters are revealed first with names and locations, and only once the party is at the residence is the child’s request made visible.  It is also established that the demons all basically have a roughly 13th-16th century European level of understanding.

LETTER ONE comes from Jimothy Sanchez of Passaic, New Jersey.  Jimothy lives with his father Oliver, stepmother Alanis, and his older stepsister Quinn. Jimothy is eight.

The demons arrive via teleportation outside the two-story suburban home of the Sanchez family.  They are confused by the environment, but immediately begin debating how to get in.  Examination of the letter reveals that Jimmy wants a “fidget spinner” and to “go to space like an astronaut.”

Barbatos begins interrogating a nightbird for information on how to get inside. “You’re tellin’ me you want to get in there to give a little boy a ‘present’?  You fuckin’ pervert,” the thickly-NJ-accented bird replies.  Eventually, the bird summons some pigeons, who attack Marchosias.  Furfur responds by summoning lighting to strike the bird’s tree, which splits and bursts into flames.

This wakes the father inside, who (as can be seen through the window) calls the fire department, although the demons are unclear on what’s happening.  Barbatos turns himself into an approximation of Santa (long white beard, red sharkskin suit, curling ram’s horns) as the fire department arrives. Marchosias and Haagenti teleport back to Dis to visit the infernal library and attempt to unravel the word “astronaut”. Amdusias attempts to pull a key out of the magic sack, but gets a viper instead, which she discards on the ground where it almost immediately bites a fireman.  Oliver Sanchez comes outside, and Barbatos introduces himself as Santa, leading to a great deal of confusion.  Marchosias and Haagenti return, and Haagenti attempts to sell the Santa con by turning into an elf, but succeeds only in turning into an Elf on the Shelf, all of which causes Mr. Sanchez to faint.  Barbatos picks up the EotS and they and Marchosias go inside.  After getting the rundown on what “astronaut” means, Barbatos attempts to get a book on Space from the bag, and gets a book about NASA.  Amdusias downs the milk and cookies, and is revolted by the lack of parasites.  Based on the book, he goes to the Moon, where he attempts to collect a footprint left there by astronauts.  Since it’s all moon dust, he just gets a fist of dust.  He brings that back and stuff it and a wooden top (provided by the sack in response to a request for a fidget spinner) into the stocking labeled Jimothy, and the demons collectively bug out while the firefighters attempt to revive their envenomed compatriot.  

LETTER TWO comes from the children of St. Guinefort’s Home for Disadvantaged Children, an archaic Catholic orphanage in NYC’s Lower East Side.  Surprisingly, the children have not requested anything unreasonable, but have requested a badminton set so they can play together.  Haagenti and Barbatos teleport to the roof of the building in search of a chimney, and finding one Barbatos tosses Haagenti (still in stuffed elf form) down it.  Haagenti hits a metal barrier and finds himself trapped.  Furfur joins them and drops a steaming, acidic load of demon poo down it, burning a hole through the closed flue and dumping Haagenti into a disused storeroom.  Barbatos turns into a rat and follows him down.  Haagenti attempts to take the form of a child and only manages to become a naked, horned baby with a devil’s tail, but is at least able to crawl around.  Barbatos goes for Santa mode again, but this time ends up worse, appearing gaunt and skeletal in his red garb.  Barbatos stuffs the baby Haagenti into the magic bag, a transimensional experience which shatters his mind and that of Furfur, who was scrying on their progress at the moment.  The two have a close encounter with and narrowly avoid the notice of a nun doing the rounds, and manage to quickly locate a room full of sleeping children, where a sad, Charlie-Brown-esque tree sits with no presents around.  Outside, Amdusias attempts to prevent any undue attention by summoning the sound of a traditional Christmas carol, but unwittingly makes everyone in earshot lose Whamageddon instead, followed by Fairytale of New York.

Back inside, Barbatos extracts the extremely dazed Haagenti from the sack, and then attempts to get a badminton set out of it.  The sack provides everything required: net, rackets, shuttlecocks, posts, post-hole digger, cardboard tube forms for pouring concrete anchors for the posts, bags of concrete, a backhoe and steamroller for flattening the court, turf, grass seed, chalk, a spreader, etc.  The room is very full, and the tree is entirely obscured.  

The demons retreat to Central Park, where they have a brief altercation with some hoodlums, before heading to the next home.

LETTER THREE was from Emily Chen of Hollywood, California, where she lives with her mother Amy and three brothers Ted, Leo, and Bobby in a three-bedroom apartment on the fifth floor of a walk-up building.  Emily, as the letter reveals, wants a pony.

Amdusias’s tree-bending bends a palm over the fence and lets everybody past the gates of the building, and the demons gather around the door to apartment.  Barbatos uses his treasure-finding skills to locate a key.  It is inside the apartment.  A cat is sensed inside, and Barbatos attempts to convince the cat to let them in.  The cat explains that even if it wanted to, it can’t work the lock.  A bribe of fish is offered if the cat will retrieve the key and push it under the door - the cat agrees if they will give it sushi.  A key is pushed under the door.  It does not fit in the lock.  Haagenti turns it into a more ductile metal to make it fit into the keyhole, and then attempts to firm it up so it can be turned, but in doing so ends up fusing it into the keyhole.  The cat demands sushi, which when extracted from the bag is revealed to be a piece of tamago nigiri.  An offer of salmon is made, but the cat again points out they are not capable of working the locks.  One of the demons tried to turn the cat into a human.  The locks click, the door opens, and a very sexy, very naked, and entirely testicle-less human man is revealed, demanding salmon.  The salmon is given, but the former cat asks for its balls back in exchange for letting them in and not just blowing up their spot right then and there.  Magic succeeds in restoring the man-cat’s genitals, and after garbing himself in a child’s gym shorts and some flip-flops, the cat leaves into the Hollywood night and the demons are free to enter. 

The living room bears a silver metallic tree, which confuses them, but they quickly and successfully extract a full-sized live pony and a bale of moist hay form the sack, the demons depart.

LETTER FOUR comes from Bethany-Ann Mayweather of South Carolina.  Bethany, it turns out, lives in a heavily-fortified survivalist compound in the woods with her dad (Steve), two brothers (Jesse and Dave), and two sisters (Katie and Donna-Lee.  The entire place is surrounded by an electrified fence topped with razor wire.

Emily would like to go to school like other children.

Things get weird.  Amdusias bends a tree over the fence, and Furfur drops down to discover that the clear ground between the fence and the building itself is heavily mined, exploding instantly (but non-fatally, because demon).  Lights are going on at the compound as Furfur starts bouncing around setting off mines and motion-sensing lamps.

Marchosias has the idea that the humans at the first house had somehow summoned that metal chariot in response to the burning tree by talking into that weird curved oblong shape, and that if they do the same maybe the metal chariot will help them get in.  Reaching into the bag extracts a banana.  Marchosias holds it to the side of his head and says hello.

“Hello?” says a sleepy voice from the banana.  “Who is this?”

“Uh, Mark,” responds Marchosias, who is Fundamentally Honest.  “Are you the...cops?  There is a little girl and there is a lot of gunpowder and fire and explosions.”

“What?  No, this is Raffi.  How did you get this number?  Is this a prank?”

It is established that this is not a prank (”Did Steve put you up to this?” “There’s a Steve here but no.” “From Blue’s Clues.” “I don’t know who or what that is.” “Mark, I’m looking at this caller ID here, and it just says ‘banana’.  What’s going on?”).  Barbatos teleports to this ‘Raffi’, the shock of which causes Raffi to suffer a heart attack and die. Barbatos resurrects Raffi as an undead revenant, and after difficulty (”Raffi, how do we call the police?” “RING.  RING.  RING.  BANANAPHONE.”) manage to extract the magical incantation “911″ from the former children’s entertainer.  Marchosias invokes this to the banana and connects to emergency services, and after a very complicated discussion (and some light aerial reconnaissance to pinpoint a location) succeeds in convincing them that there is a dangerous, heavily-armed incident at the compound and a child is in danger.  SWAT is being sent.  Meanwhile, Furfur is drawing gunfire from the survivalist dad, and Amdusias uses spectral music to distract him while they slip inside.

The six-foot-tall unicorn-headed naked figure reaches the crude two-dimensional paper Christmas tree inside the survival bunker and attempts to eat the dry saltines and rehydrated powdered milk that has been left out.  They are interrupted by the sleepy-eyed and tow-headed Bethany-Ann, who asks who they are.  Amdusias explains that they’re subbing in because Blitzen is sick.  Blitzen is Bethany-Ann’s favorite.  Amdusias tells her she’s going to get to go to school soon, and after a hug sends Bethany-Ann to hide under her bed until some nice people come get her.  Furfur attempts to use his lightning powers to dash Blitzen-like over the compound to drive home the Christmas-ness of it all, and instead burns holes through a number of trees as he accelerates to an appreciable fraction of the speed of light.  The remaining demons depart as militarized police descend on the compound.

THE FINAL LETTER is from Marcus Fitzwilliams III, son of Buck and Nancy, brother to Samantha, of Casper, Wyoming.  Marcus is ten, and he would like “a fortnite”.  The demons gather outside the ranch-style suburban home and debate what that means.  Eventually, they decide this means he wants to spend a night in a fort, and locating the Fort Caspar Museum nearby they plan to liberate the child from the house and take him there.  They decide against a plan to bring the fort to the house on the grounds that this might cause property damage.  Everyone but Marchosias goes to the backyard; Marchosias, who at this point looks like Bea Arthur because of reasons, remains out front with the banana to allay suspicion.

In the backyard, Barbatos again attempts to find a key, but fails.  He does detect a dog, and attempts to convince the dog to let them in.  The dog declines. “Stranger bad.  Bite stranger.”  An offer of bacon is made, and raw bacon pulled from the sack.  “Bacon good.  Bite bacon.  Bite stranger.  Good dog.”  This goes back and forth for a bit, and the dog starts barking.  Barbatos attempts to turn into a dog to sell the bit, and turns into a massive, ebon mastiff with glowing red eyes.  The bacon falls on the ground.  Furfur is now hiding in trees behind the house, joined by Amdusias, who attempts to keep things under control by bellowing “somebody let that dog out for a walk”, which comes out in a titanic demonic shout which rattles windows and kills the azaleas.  Lights come on.  The backdoor opens and Buck, carrying a rifle, looks at the giant demon dog and Haagenti, who is still a demonic baby, and the pile of bacon.  In the trees, the flaming tail of Furfur glows. 

“MA, GET UP AND CHECK THE FRONT, I THINK THE METHHEADS ARE TRYIN’ TO ROB US.”

Shit goes sideways quick.  Nancy opens the front door and sees Bea Arthur standing in her yard talking into a banana, and confirms the meth suspicion to buck.  The dog escapes into the yard and eats the bacon.  Baby Haagenti jumps on mastiff Barbatos’ back and the two dash into the house as Buck fires wildly at them and the intruders in the trees.  Nancy shoots the bananaphone and the side of Bea Arthur’s face.  Inside the house, Haagenti and Barbatos dodge bullets semi-successfully.  Haagenti scarfs cookies while Barbatos abandons the original plan and reaches into the bag while thinking “Fort Night”, pulling forth a card with a download code for Minecraft.  Furfur pulls his lightning-assisted flight trick over the house while Amdusias tries a bellowing “HO HO HO” so loud and infernal it shatters windows in houses throughout the neighborhood.

The list complete, the demons depart for Dis, where they are quickly met by Asmodeus, who tells them the boss wants to see them. The demon lords report total success, but receive a thorough chewing-out from Lucifer, who details the many, many violations they have committed and the agonies he is going to inflict on them for their failure.  

“You know the ring where we bury people up to their face in flaming shit?”  “Yeah, that one’s great.”  “Not for the humans.  I’m going to turn you all into humans and stick you there for the next thousand years.”

The demons attempt to portray their actions in a favorable light, and Amdusias protests and attempts to get the sounds of Michael Bublé’s Let it Snow to play and encourage the spirit of the holiday to earn them some clemency. However, it turns instead into Snow’s Informer as Belial reveals himself from behind Lucifer’s torso and tells them he was following and reporting on them the whole time, everyone gets in a Christmas “no, fuck you”, our heroes are consigned to flaming shit, and credits roll. Happy Holidays, everyone.

[dukereviewsmovies]

Duke Reviews: The Christmas Chronicles

Hi Everyone, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Where We Are Continuing Duke's Yultide Reviews...

And On Today's Show, We're Looking At Last Year's Gift To Us From Netflix, The Christmas Chronicles...

This Film Follows 2 Siblings Named Teddy And Kate Pierce Who Hatch A Scheme To Capture Santa Claus On Christmas Eve. But When Their Plan Goes Awry, The Kids Join Forces With Jolly Old Saint Nick (Played By Kurt Russell) And His Elves To Save Christmas Before It Is Too Late, Will They Succeed?

Let's Find Out As We Watch The Christmas Chronicles...

The Film Starts With Videos Of The Pierce Family Celebrating Christmas But That Was Then And This Is Now, As We See That The Youngest Of The Family, Katie Is Watching The Tapes While She Looks For A New One So She Can Send A Video Letter To Santa Claus...

But While Katie Makes Her Video, Her Brother Teddy Hits Her In The Head With A Shoe So He Can Take The Camera From Her, Saying That She Can't Believe That She's Making A Video Letter To Santa Claus As She's 11 Years Old Which Leads Teddy To Try To Tell Her That There Is No Santa Claus But Despite Being A Jerk, Teddy Decides To Instead Just Say That There's No Chance That Santa Will Watch Her Video As He Only Reads Handwritten Letters In The Mail...

Yeah, Katie, With The Way You're Going You're Going To Put S.D. Kruger Out Of A Job...

Look At That Happy Face! Do You Really Want To Make Him Sad By Making Him Obsolete, Of Course Not...

Going To Meet His Friends, Katie Tells Teddy That She's Coming With As He's Supposed To Be Watching Her But Instead He Dumps All Of The Fish Food Inside Of Her Fish Tank In An Attempt To Get Away...

Managing To Save Her Fish (I Guess, I Would Think That Getting Them Into Cups Of Water Would Take Longer Than That) Katie Follows Teddy To See Him And His Friends Carjacking A Car...

Confronting Teddy On It When He Gets Home, It Leads To A Fight Between The 2 That Knocks Over Their Family Picture And Their Christmas Tree But When Their Mother (Played By Father Of The Bride's Kimberly Williams Paisley) Returns Home Asking What Happened, Kate (While Telling The Truth At First) Lies For Teddy Saying That Teddy Pushed Her Into The Wall Knocking Over The Picture...

Mad At Her Kids For Not Getting Along, She Tells Teddy To Put Up The Tree And To Decorate It As Their Father Would Have Decorated By Now...

Yep, We're Going With The Old Father Figure Is Dead And Everyone Is Handling It Badly Routine..

Decorating Cookies With Kate, Mom Gets An Emergency Phone Call Telling Her That She Has To Handle The Night Shift At Her Job At The Hospital, Forcing Teddy To Babysit Kate For The Night...

Going Up To His Room For The Night, Kate Asks For Him To Do Something Together With Her Since It's Christmas Eve And Ever Since Their Dad Died, All He Wants To Do Is Hang Out With His Friends Instead Of Her, But Comparing Her To A Boring Slug, Teddy Goes To His Room...

Watching Christmas Videos After The Cookies Are Done, Kate Notices A Hand In A Red Coat In The Picture That Katie Believes To Be Santa Claus...

Showing Teddy The Video, He Considers The Possibilities While Kate Already Has Goosebumps. Suggesting That They Make A Video, Teddy Is Like People Have Tried This Before What Makes You Any Different Than Them? And Despite Having Proof, Teddy Says No...

However, Kate Tells Teddy That If He Helps Her Pull It Off, She'll Give Him The Tape Of Him And His Friends Carjacking The Car And She Won't Say Anything To Mom As Swears On An Award Their Dad Won...

So, Setting Up Traps Like Home Alone Because The Guy That Directed That Directed This Movie Which Means We Got To Have This Music Playing...

Setting Out The Milk And Cookies, They Hide In And Eat Junk Food In An Attempt To Stay Awake, But Eventually They Fall Asleep Which Is When Everything Happens...

With Their Trap Springing, A Bell Wakes Up Kate Who Sees Santa And Wales Up Teddy Who Hears Santa On The Roof, Grabbing The Camera, Teddy And Kate See Santa Going From Roof To Roof And House To House As Follow Him To An Alley Where They Find The Sleigh...

Whoa, Is Right, Keanu...

Climbing Trucks, Buildings And Lightpoles To Get A Good Look At The Sleigh, Kate Ends Up Jumping In With Teddy Right Behind Her But Before They Can Get A Good Look At The Cockpit, Santa Finishes Up And The Sleigh Flies Off...

With Teddy Getting A Good Look At The Front Of The Sleigh, Kate Eventually Gets Cold...

And At That Height, It's No Wonder She Does...

Teddy Looks For A Blanket But Not Able To Wait Kate Goes To Ask Santa, Scaring Him And Causing The Sleigh To Go Off Course...

Going Higher, Kate Falls From The Sleigh But Luckily Teddy And Santa Are Able To Save Kate But In Doing So, They Get In The Way Of An Airplane Which Scares The Reindeer As They Enter Some Sort Of Hyperdrive Which Is Awesome But Once They Get Out Of Hyperdrive Mode, Santa Loses His Hat, The Presents And The Reindeer...

Crash Landing In Chicago, Santa Tells The 2 Kids That They Really Have Messed Things Up Stating That If He's Not Up And Running Within A Few Hours, The World Will Face Another Dark Ages...

Going For A Jingle Bell In The Sleigh, Which Will Lead Santa To His Presents, But As He Goes Find It The Magical Way, Santa Finds That He Doesn't Have His Magic As All Of It Was Inside Of His Hat...

Realizing That He Has To Do This The Normal Way, Santa Tells Teddy And Kate To Head Home (They're In Chicago How Are They Going To Get Home Without You?) And Not Bother Getting Up Early In The Morning As They're On The Naughty List For Life (That's Fine, But You Already Delievered Their Presents, Dummy)

Realizing That They Caused This, So, They Have To Help Santa To Make It Right, Santa Let's Them Come With Despite Being Pissed At Them...

Entering A Restaurant Called Nick's Place, Santa Tries To Get Enough Money From The Patrons So He Can Call A Taxi, But When Teddy Notices One Of Them, Dialing 911, He Gets Santa Out Of There...

However, With Christmas Spirit Down 35%, They Still Need A Ride So, Teddy Decides To Steal Some Car Keys From A Valet. Despite Santa And Kate Believing That That's Not A Good Idea, Teddy Reminds Santa That With Christmas On The Line Now's Not A Time To Be Picky Especially When Santa Breaks Into Houses To Deliver Gifts Every December 24th...

Plus, They're Not Really Breaking The Law As The Car's Already Stolen And When They're Done With It They'll Turn It Into The Police. Getting In The Car, They Drive Off In It...

Going Through All The Junk In The Car, Santa Turns The Car Radio Into A Police Band Reciever To Discover If Anyone Has Called The Police Yet And Turns Out They Have However They Also Also Hear About A Reindeer Sighting On Michigan Avenue...

Arriving On Michigan Avenue, Teddy Slows Down The Car So Santa Can Attempt To Call His Reindeer But When Kate Spots Them They Head Down The Street Where Kate Saw Them Only To Lose Them Again And With Police Approaching They Need To Hurry...

Santa Tells Katie To Go After The Reindeer While Teddy And Him Keep The Police Distracted, Which They Do By Driving All Over The City. Eventually Finding The Reindeer, Kate Gives Comet A Candy Cane Which Makes Him Trust Her Enough To Take Him And The Other Reindeer To See Santa...

Chasing The Police Around Chicago, Teddy And Santa Nearly Crash Into A Car Which Leads Them Jump Into A Snowbank...

Getting Out Of The Car, Teddy And Santa Try Explaining The Situation To The Officers But With What They're Saying To The Officers, Santa And Teddy May As Well Be Telling Them, Go Ahead, Arrest Us!

Which Is Exactly What They Do With Santa, However When Kate Shows Up With The Reindeer, Santa Gives Teddy The Jingle Bell That Locates His Sack And Manages To Get Away From The Cops By Hopping On One Of The Reindeer...

Dumping The Reindeer At A Christmas Tree Lot, They Head For A Church Where Teddy And Kate Hear Their Dad's Favorite Christmas Song Which Happens To Be My Mom's Favorite Christmas Song...

(Just Kidding, She Hates This Song, Love You Mom)

This Leads To A Tender Moment Between The 2 Siblings Where We Discover The Reason Teddy Is Acting Like A Jerk Is Because He's Mad At His Father For Dying And He Thinks That If His Father Could See Him Now He Wouldn't Like The Man That He's Become...

But Kate Tells Him That He's Not An Awful Brother And That Their Dad Wouldn't Be Disappointed In Him Because She Sees Him All The Time In Teddy...

Or In Other Words...

With The Bell Beeping More Frequently, The Kids Continue Their Quest While Santa Is Being Questioned By One Of The Officers Who Still Doesn't Believe Santa But Giving The Officer Gifts He Wanted Since He Was A Boy, The Officer Starts Questioning Things After Realizing That Frisked Santa On The Way In So There's No Way That He Stole Those Items...

With The Officer Telling Santa To Stop, Santa Instead Gets To What Dave Wants This Year Which Is To Get Back Together With His Ex-Wife, Freaking Out Over How Santa Knows This, Santa Says That It Doesn't Matter But All He Needs To Do Is Just Give Her A Call....

Doubting Everything That He Has Seen, The Officer Reminds Santa Of The Charges That He's Accused Of Which Leads Santa To Tell The Officer That By Tomorrow They'll Seem Like Nothing As Christmas Spirit Is Down To 31% Now And If He Doesn't Get Moving All Of Chicago Will Look Like The Purge Movies And The Police Will Have Their Hands Full...

But With The Officer Believing Him To Be Some Kind Of Con Man, He Locks Santa Inside Of A Cell With A Bunch Of Other Criminals...

Meanwhile, Teddy And Kate Locate The Bag In A Tree And Manage To Get It Out Of The Tree, Looking For Elves Inside Of The Bag, Kate Goes Inside Of It Only To Disappear. In An Attempt To Look For Kate, Teddy Gets Kidnapped By 3 Hoods Who Take The Bag...

While Inside Of The Bag, Kate Finds One Of The Elves Who Leads Her Into This Vortex Of Presents...

Which Eventually Takes Her To The North Pole..

While Looking Around The North Pole, Kate Decides To Look At Santa's Many Letters From Kids All Over The World To Look At Teddy's Many Letters To Santa Claus Only To Discover That Teddy Wrote One This Year Asking Santa If He Can Let Him See His Father One Last Time...

But Before We Discover The Reason Why, Kate Sees One Of The Elves Walk Past To Go And Hide, Eventually Finding Him, Kate Introduces Herself To Him And The Other Elves Who She Eventually Finds Saying That Santa Sent Her But The Elves Don't Believe Kate And They Tie Her Up With Lights...

Telling The Head Elf (Who Looks Nothing Like David Krumholtz) Everything, They Take Kate To A Book To Show Kate That She Comes From A Long Line Of True Believers...

And The Elves Are Like...

And They Release Her....

Back At The Police Station, The Police Station Starts Filling Up As The Officer's Partner Tells Him That It's Never This Busy On Christmas Eve, Which Has The Officer Realizing That Santa Warned Him About This...

While In Jail, Santa Discovers That Christmas Spirit Is Down To 19% So, He Decides To Try And Raise It By Livening Up A Little Bit Of The Spirit With Help Of The Convicts Inside Of The Jail Cell With Him...

Back In The Car Of The Hoods, They Take Teddy To Their Boss Who Goes Through Santa's Sack Only To Get A Lump Of Coal, The Hoods Do The Same And Get The Same Thing. Believing The Sack To Be Useless,The Hoods Boss Attempts To Burn The Sack...

But When Teddy Goes To Save It, The Hoods Grab Teddy So Their Boss Could Tell Them To Kill Teddy, However, As They Attempt To Do That The Elves Spring From The Sack And Attack Them...

(Man) Retreat!

Spotting Teddy Who Hid During The Attack, The Elves Attempt To Attack Teddy (Believing That He's One Of The Gang Members) But Luckily Kate Pops Up And Tells The Elves To Stop Before Teddy Is Sliced In Half By A Mini Chainsaw...

Realizing That The Sleigh Is Still Broken, They Ask The Elves To Fix It While Santa Settles Things With The Officer, Who Gets A Call From His Ex-Wife Who Wants To Get Back Together With Him...

Breaking Santa Out Of Jail, The Elves Give Him A New Hat, Courtesy Of Mrs. Claus And So, The Officer's Permission, Up The Chimney He Goes...

With Everything Back On Track, Christmas Seems To Be Back On, However, While Being In Jail, Santa Lost Track Of Time And They Now Have Less Than An Hour Before Sunrise...

Completely Hopeless, Teddy Tells Santa That That They Started This And They're Going To Finish It And While He May Not Know How Things Are Done At The North Pole, A Pierce Always Sees Things Through...

Admiring Teddy's Passion, Santa Still Hasn't Cut It This Close In Forever And Has No Clue How They're Going To Pull This Off, Suggesting That If They Work Together They Might Be Able To. Never Having Human Helpers In The Sleigh Before, Santa Realizes That With Only A Little Bit Of North America Left, They Just Might Be Able To Pull It Off...

With Kate In Charge Of Chucking Out The Presents For Santa To Deliver And Teddy In Charge Of Driving The Sleigh, Santa Starts Delivering Toys From House To House And State To State...

With Time Getting Tight, Santa Asks Kate To Ask The Elves To Help Him...

Missing One Present, They Have Less Than 9 Minutes To Get It There...

Managing To Get It There Only Three Seconds Left, Christmas Is Saved With All The Presents Delivered And Christmas Spirit At 95%...

Taking Teddy And Kate Home, They Ask Santa If They'll Ever See Him Again, Santa Tells Them Most Likely No, But If He Ever Needs 2 Helpers He Knows Where To Find The Best Helpers He's Ever Had..

But Before He Goes, Santa Gives Teddy His Hat, Saying That He Doesn't Need It Because He's Santa Claus...

Hoping On Board The Sleigh, Santa Leaves Just As Their Mom Pulls Up....

Going Inside, They Find The Place Completely Decorated The Exact Way Their Father Decorated It...

Opening Presents, They Get Their Usual Ugly Sweaters From Their Aunt Peggy Before Kate Discovers A Gift To Teddy From Santa, Opening It He Finds A Letter That Says "Dear Teddy, I Got Your Letter. I'm Sorry, I Don't Have The Power To Grant Your Wish But This Was The Best I Could Do, Santa"...

Opening It To Discover An Ornament, Teddy Places It On The Tree, And The Magic Within The Ornament Shows Teddy, His Father Who Says He's Proud Of Him...

Back At The North Pole, Santa Adds Teddy's Name To The Pierce Tree Of True Believers As Mrs. Claus (Played By Goldie Hawn) Comes In With Wood For The Fire While Talking With Santa About Last Night...

And That's The Christmas Chronicles And Why Has This Not Been Released On DVD Or Blu-Ray?

This Film Is A Holiday Classic In The Making And Is Honestly A Good Movie, The Story Is Good, The Cast Is Good, The Elves Are Cute, The Effects Were Awesome It Is Defiantly Worth A Watch And I Say See It...

Till Next Time, This Is Duke, Signing Off...

[poetictrekkie]

Holiday Headcanons for the Voyager Crew

Kathryn Janeway:

As Voyager’s captain, it is Janeway’s responsibility to organize holidays for the crew.

But Christmas is her personal favourite.

The ship’s crew definitely has the fondest memories of their captain during this holiday.

She takes it upon herself to give presents to each department, and all the children on the ship.

And though she hasn’t got the best voice in the world, she’ll be singing Christmas carols with a cup of spiked eggnog in her hand.

The holidays, unfortunately, result in Kathryn’s cooking efforts multiplying.

Chakotay has had to stomach too many of her homemade fruitcakes.

Of course, he lies through his teeth when asked how it tastes.

Sometimes, he uses the excessive stickiness of the cake as an excuse not to reply.

But as much as she enjoys the side of Christmas that involves getting together, she loves spending Christmas Eve in her quarters, looking out at the perpetually starry sky and thinking that it looks like winter flurries in space.

It’s also the time when she’s homesick the most.

For the real Christmas tree that Mark would chop down and bring home every year.

For Mollie’s little Santa hat, that would always fall off ten seconds after Kathryn wrangles it onto her.

And for the snow. Always the snow.

Chakotay:

Chakotay has never been one to celebrate the holidays with anything other than a glass of spirits by the fireplace.

However, as first officer and former captain of the Maquis, he feels an obligation to join the yearly festivities.

He’s always been responsible for putting up the Christmas tree in the mess hall. 

Each year, he decorates it exquisitely.

He saves up replicator rations for ornaments.

If he doesn’t have as many as he wants, he’ll get the kids to make decorations themselves.

The Borg children always make incredible paper snowflakes, and give some as gifts to Chakotay.

He also makes sure to attend the celebrations for each holiday. From Hanukkah, to Kwanzaa, to the Orthodox Christmas in January, he’ll always be there.

He takes it as an opportunity to learn about the different cultures of Earth – something he’s always been fascinated by as an amateur anthropologist.

Most of all, the holidays are a time for Chakotay to spend time with his Voyager family, and reflect upon his journey in life so far.

Tuvok:

Whenever the holiday season comes around, Tuvok has a habit of receding into his quarters to escape the noise and bustle.

However, he likes to join the crewmen who are celebrating Hanukkah.

There’s something very beautiful and meditative about the nightly celebrations: the lighting of the menorah, the songs and prayers.

The crewmen always welcome him to join them each year, and teach him how to pronounce the prayers in Hebrew.

Tuvok has also displayed a surprising talent for Hanukkah cooking.

His sufganya are all eaten within ten minutes of him setting the plate down on the table.

And he’s tested out recipes for latkes with Vulcan flavours, like plomeek or gespar.

After the festivities, Tuvok will often meditate by the menorah.

The messages that Hanukkah brings, like faith and standing up for what you believe in, guide him through his nightly meditations during the holiday seasons.

Tom Paris:

Tom has an annual Christmas tradition of wearing antlers and a red nose while at the helm.

He thinks of himself as Rudolph driving Santa’s sleigh.

He calls Captain Janeway “Captain Santa Claus” for the whole day.

He calls Commander Chakotay “Commander Mrs. Claus” for the whole day.

Neither of them are amused.

Tom also loves to help decorate the ship and organize the Secret Santa exchange.

One time, he hung mistletoe right over Tuvok’s station on the bridge.

Needless to say, all the ensigns coming to hand in reports to their superior officer couldn’t decide if they were more amused or terrified.

He also organizes holodeck events leading up to and on Christmas Eve.

Holiday karaoke.

Sleigh races.

Holiday-themed movie nights.

But the event that Tom will be remembered for the most was the Starfleet vs. Maquis snowball fight.

It was brutal, incredible, and a ton of fun.

However, he’ll never go near B’Elanna if she’s holding a projectile made of snow – holographic or otherwise. His lesson has been learned.

Harry Kim:

Harry loves the holidays. If every day could be a holiday, he would not mind one bit.

Loves everything about them: the food, the gifts, the time spent with his friends.

Harry always gives his close friends homemade presents that he’s spent months working on.

One year, he gave Captain Janeway a framed photo collage of the crew, which she hung on the wall of her office.

And Kes was surprised when he presented her with a jar of homemade preserves made from the fruits grown in Airponics.

She was even more surprised when it turned out to be delicious.

Harry is also responsible for starting the annual Seollal (Korean New Year) celebration.

He’s adapted a few of the traditions for the Voyager crew.

After a ritual meal, the younger generations of the family pay respect to their elders by taking a deep bow called sebae. Then, the elders offer their blessings and wishes for a prosperous year.

For this tradition, Harry has replaced the younger generations with the junior officers, and the elders with the senior officers.

He also taught both the children and adults on the ship traditional games played during this time.

It always gives him a sense of pride to see his Voyager family celebrating traditions that he has observed since his childhood.

B’Elanna Torres:

Christmas is the one day when B’Elanna’s human and Klingon sides stop warring in her head.

In fact, it’s a day when B’Elanna reflects on her happy childhood memories, celebrating Christmas with her Mexican family.

While B’Elanna might be a little too old for the Christmas pinata, she always sets one up for the children, filled with candy canes, chocolates, and lollipops.

She always asks Kes to grow lilies a month or so before Christmas, so she can decorate her quarters with them.

Sometimes, she gets a melancholy, nostalgic feeling when she smells the lilies first thing on Christmas morning.

But she never cries… alright, maybe once.

B’Elanna also likes to make farolitos, intricately designed paper lanterns made from brown bags, with her friends.

She once made one in the shape of the ship’s warp core.

She’ll invite some of the senior crew a few days before Christmas to make lanterns and share food.

It’s one of her favourite nights of the year, when they string up the lanterns that they made together and place little lights inside.

The Doctor:

When it comes to the holidays, if there’s an excuse to sing, the Doctor is all for it.

And with all the carols being sung at Christmastime, the Doctor is kept content for the entire day.

He’ll organize the musically talented officers in a holiday band, and they’ll perform for the entire crew on Christmas Eve.

Unfortunately, the Doctor does sometimes get a little busy during Christmas.

After the infamous snowball fight, he spent his entire night treating minor injuries.

But all in a day’s work for the EMH, even on Christmas.

He loves learning about all the different human traditions during the holidays.

Since he doesn’t have to eat as a hologram, the Doctor always has tons of replicator rations saved up.

And he gets all his friends slightly extravagant presents.

But Seven really did like the necklace he got her one year.

All in all, Christmas is a time that the Doctor is thankful that he has such good friends.

Tom is proud to say that the Doctor has never once made a snide remark to him on Christmas.

Seven of Nine:

The holidays are a time for Seven to reconnect with her humanity and the traditions she used to celebrate.

She spends plenty of time with the Borg children, and gets them all gifts for Christmas.

The year she gave Mezoti a miniature chemistry kit was one of her successes.

And the Doctor insists that she sing a Christmas carol or two.

But it’s also a time with more socializing than necessary.

Excessive socializing is irrelevant.

And exhausting.

There’s a yearly tradition on Voyager, that one of the crew members will be drawn randomly to turn on the lights on the Christmas tree and give a toast.

And Seven, of course, is selected one year.

She’s never been more terrified in her entire existence.

She spends the entire lead-up to the holidays agonizing over her speech.

But in the end, Seven manages to make a very poignant toast.

“To my second family on Voyager: I thank you for showing me that resistance is not as futile as the Borg had me to believe. The values of your holidays – love, forgiveness, togetherness – capture the essence of all that you have taught me.

Kes:

Kes is always very busy in the lead up to the holidays.

The Airponics gardens are positively overflowing with poinsettia and holly, and whoever comes inside will comment that it’s already beginning to look like Christmas!

She also grows the mistletoe herself, a plant that is highly in demand by the couples onboard Voyager.

It doesn’t take telepathy to know who’s in a relationship that year, depending on who comes in to pick up a sprig or two of mistletoe.

Kes often helps Neelix with the holiday parties.

She has a flair for baked goods, and her gingerbread with Airponics-grown ginger is always a hit during the Christmas party.

When it comes to giving presents, you can be sure that Kes will be delivering flowers to all her nearest and dearest.

The Christmas season is also the time of year that Kes is on the receiving end of the most elf jokes.

One year she decides she’s had enough, and dresses up like one of Santa’s elves for the entire Christmas day.

The kids absolutely love it.

So do the other officers, but they’re better at hiding it.

It’s actually kind of adorable.

And that’s how Kes has now made it an annual tradition to dress like an elf on Christmas.

Neelix:

As morale officer, the holidays are Neelix’s time to shine.

And what other holiday does Neelix love better than Prixin?

Right answer: no other holiday.

He always puts a lot of effort into the Prixin festivities, because he loves sharing the traditions of his people.

It also makes him feel just a little less homesick for Talax.

But in regards to the other holidays, he loves them too.

Especially Christmas. Christmas is definitely Neelix’s second favourite holiday.

He’s always planning fun things for the kids and crew alike.

And the cooking… Neelix makes more food on Christmas than on any other day.

No one could quite forgive him for adding leola root to the turkey stuffing, though.

But one year, Neelix is absolutely swamped with work. And they’re running low on food reserves.

So he suggests a potluck dinner for Christmas.

The potluck is such a hit that Neelix begins to do it every year.

The only downside is the amount of dishes that Neelix has to clean at the end of the night.

[jbuffyangel]

It Ain't Nothing but a Family Thing: Arrow 7x17 Review (Inheritance)

“Inheritance” is equal parts necessary exposition and filler episode. Not quite sure how the writers accomplished that, but they did.

Let’s dig in…

Emiko and Oliver

Soooo… here’s the problem guys. I don’t really care about Emiko. The whole time I’m watching this plot line unfold I am thinking, “Couldn’t Thea have gone all evil?” 

Take a pause and give that a good think. How awesome would it have been for Thea to take a deep dive down the evil hole? It would have been amazing, which is why I loudly demanded it for the six years Willa Holland was on the show. 

Watching Oliver try to pull Thea away from the Ninth Circle would have been a good time.

Not so much with Replacement Thea. The problem is I just met Emiko this season. I understand that’s typically the case when it comes to Arrow villains, but I’m supposed to bond with her character as Oliver’s sister and then be horrified when she turns out to be a villain.

Arrow even tried to fast track my bonding by making Emiko into Oliver 2.0.  I’m not really seeing the individualism except for evil. Every week the writers were hanging a sign out that said, “SEE? SHE’S JUST LIKE OLIVER!” by mimicking previous OG Oliver Queen scenes. Just in case you missed any of the visual cues or copied verbatim scenes, the other characters are here to verbally proclaim Emiko is just like her brother. 

Eh… keep it. Unfortunately, none of this has accomplished Arrow’s intended goal which is for me to give a crap about Emiko.

It should be noted that when Arrow does the “SEE? SHE’S JUST LIKE OLIVER” with Mia or “SEE? HE’S JUST LIKE FELICITY!” with William (and vice versus) I love it. Yes, I am aware this is a double standard. Maybe it’s because the kids have more personality than cardboard. Sorry Emiko. Facts are facts. Maybe it’s because they are Olicity’s kids and therefore my investment is virtually guaranteed. I don’t know. I don’t care. It’s Season 7 and I’m gonna do me.

The only thing keeping me mildly entertained with Emiko is that she is evil. I’m not really interested in watching her be redeemed either. I know I know. The season theme is redemption, but come on! Someone has to burn in the fires of Hades for all eternity. It doesn’t mean anything if every character is redeemed.

Typically, I am down for Robert Queen flashbacks whenever possible, but in order to make this storyline work they had to turn Oliver’s father into a tremendous pile of stinking douchebag. Robert was always kind of a douchebag what with the whole killing a man by accident, lying about it and then getting embroiled in Merlyn’s plot to destroy half the city because of his guilt. 

But he had gravitas. The class of an elder statesman. Maybe it’s the silver hair and grumbly grandpa voice I pray Oliver Queen will have some day. Maybe it’s because he put a bullet in his head to save his son. Annnnd… also murdered someone else in the process. Alright. Robert was a douchebag, but he was a mildly noble douchebag and I love him okay? I DON’T KNOW WHY!

But the Robert Queen in “Inheritance” is a misogynistic, slimy, cheating, coward who kicks his mistress and love child out of the swanky apartment he was putting them up at and tells his daughter, “Life isn’t fair. We don’t always get what we want.” Wow. 

That’s a great way to create a villain, Robert. Watch Batman or Star Wars or ANY HERO STORY EVER and learn fool.

Emiko worked hard to get her father’s approval or acknowledgement of her existence to the world. She wanted to run Queen Consolidated, but nope that’s a man’s job sweetie. Oliver Queen and his penis, which was whoring its way through Starling City at the time, are destined for CEO.  Emiko takes Robert’s misogyny in stride and simply asks him to back a company of her own, but he balks at that too. This is the last straw in a very long line of straws.

Unfortunately, Emiko doesn’t tell her father where to stick it and cut off all contact. No, that would be reasonable. Instead, she decides to go super villain on him. She impresses Dante after stealing from him and he agrees to train her. Emiko vacillates between being a Queen and joining the Ninth Circle for years, but the final brush off from Robert is the tipping point. She decides Dante is right and the Ninth Circle is her real family.

Oliver follows Emiko after Bl*ck S*ren warns she may not be playing for the home team and he sees her with Dante. Oliver confronts Emiko and she sings some song and dance about not knowing who the real Dante was when she signed up with him. Now she’s trapped. It works. Oliver buys it hook line and sinker, because blindly ignoring blatant warning signs is what he does when it comes to the Queen family.

He smartens up once he figures out Emiko sabotaged Felicity’s Archer program to protect Dante’s location. DO NOT MESS WITH THE WIFEY’S TOYS. 

Oliver and Emiko face off in a fight that’s a lot about her ponytail. It had a life of its own.

Sadly, this is one of the worst fights I’ve seen in Arrow’s history. I really hope Sea Shimooka isn’t taking acting tips from KC, because it sure looks like it. 

WHO IS SHE LOOKING AT? I’m not putting all the blame at her feet. Stephen upped his cheese factor about ten notches too. The whole scene felt awkward, choppy and forced.

Source: smoakmonster 

Diggle sits Oliver down for a much needed Yoda talk. John warns him not to be so invested in Emiko’s redemption that he ignores the threat she poses. Ah yes, the evil sibling plot line also happened in Season 4 with Diggle and Andy. 

Yeesh, alright it’s time for this show to end. John’s need to save his brother ultimately cost L*urel her life and he doesn’t want Oliver to make the same mistake. 

It’s time you left yourself off the hook on that one, Diggle. 

It was all win from where I sat, so stop being so hard on yourself.

UGH.  I tell the man to be Jesus and then he starts acting like Jesus!!! The nerve. Oliver, being a fully realized superhero doesn’t mean you save EVERYONE. Jesus didn’t save every – never mind. The point is, after seven seasons, now the pine tree listens to me? He could’ve popped the question in Season 3 and I’d be on my way to a second set of triplets, but nooooo.

Oliver wants to redeem Emiko because then it means he’s redeemed the family in some way. 

Source: olivergifs 

Why isn’t enough that you’ve redeemed yourself Oliver? You’re a Queen. You count. Yes, you were a massive douchebag once upon a time, but you stopped sleeping with Lance sisters (thank God), fell in love with sunshine, and embraced monogamy & commitment like the squishy teddy bear with abs we always knew you were. You also fight for the city, save lives, and cook your pregnant wife yummy veggies to munch on. You’re evolved dude. Cut yourself a break. And Thea isn’t exactly the Mistress of Satan. She’s off saving the world too. Two out of three ain’t bad.

This whole “Right my wrongs” needs clarification. First it was the list, but it morphed into saving the Glades. Then Tommy died and things kind of snowballed. So, how many wrongs are we talking Bobby? Let’s get specific. We’ve only got 15 episodes left. Did you sell Iran nuclear weapons? Use Moira’s toothbrush and not tell her? Steal candy from babies? Are there a dozen more Robert Queen kiddos intent on world destruction? 

Time is a wasting. I have a spin off coming and it needs to not be about your bullshit man.

Team Arrow ultimately foils Emiko’s plan. Well… kind of. They miss one drone, but no worries! It was just a demonstration. They’re worried about the next time, when it’s not a demonstration, but I was more focused on the few extra tidbits delivered in the final moments of the episode

Not only does Emiko choose the Ninth Circle, she is their leader.

She is also targeting the Archer program, which means nothing good for Oliver, Felicity and their children. Despite, my frustrations with Emiko’s character I am glad they are tying this all back to Robert and the Queens. Family is where this story began and it’s where it should end. 

Dante gave Emiko a gift when she was struggling between being a Queen or joining the Ninth Circle. It was the most hilariously unrealistic looking invoice from Merlyn Global, but it showed the location of the bombs on the Queen’s Gambit. Emiko knew about Merlyn’s plan and she could have saved her father’s life if she simply passed on the information at their meeting. But he rejected her once more, so Emiko sent Robert to his death and unknowingly condemned her brother to five years of hell. Damn.

What Emiko doesn’t realize is that by keeping quiet about the bombs on the Queen’s Gambit she helped set her brother on a path to become someone who can stop her. In the immortal words of Leo McGarry, “ "It ain't nothing but a family thing.”

Felicity Smoak

Source: felicitysmoakgifs

Felicity wins Walter White. 

This is something many fans have been saying for years, including yours truly, so I am quite happy the writers agree.  

Felicity continues to slay at all three, but a key part to “having it all” is knowing when you need help. Felicity asks her friend Alena to join the company as CTO.  Look how excited this human rainbow is. She melts my heart.  

Source:  felicittysqueen

Unfortunately, I don’t really trust Alena. Yes, I know she’s helped Felicity in the past, but I still feel uneasy about her. Perhaps that distrust is unnecessary and her interactions with Felicity will continue to be adorable and on the up and up. But Archer is corrupted somehow in the future and I’m keeping an eye on Alena in present day.

Concerns aside, I did have myself a petty little cackle. Technically speaking, Felicity had a built in CTO for Smoak Tech on Team Arrow – Curtis Holt. Instead, the writers ship him off to D.C. and bring in Alena who, shady or not, is far preferable to Curtis. I just didn’t think Beth would agree with me. She’s like friggin Santa Claus.

The biggest issue I had with the spinal technology was it didn’t really connect to the Team Arrow storyline. A character feels isolated on their own show whenever that happens. My concern was Felicity’s great individual storyline was going to cut her off from the action. 

The genius of this season, and the retooling of Felicity’s company, is the writers have found a way to weave it in with the vigilante storyline. Smoak Tech no longer feels like an island they are placing Felicity on, but rather it permeates almost every facet of the show – both past and present. This means Felicity permeates every facet of the show.

Last, but certainly not least, Felicity continues to be a bad ass wife as she manages more Queen family drama.  The man is an Adonis who cooks, but oy does he come with family baggage. At least, Oliver’s reaction to this type of drama is predictable and Felicity doesn’t miss a beat.

When he comes back from the field empty handed Felicity knows immediately how to make him smile.

Source: olicitygifs

She tells Oliver he’s hot. That’s it. That’s how Felicity cheers him up.

He compartmentalizes and hyper focuses on stopping Emiko, but Felicity tells Oliver to take a beat and process. 

Source: olicitygifs

Of course, Oliver ignores her and becomes frustrated with the team when they aren’t moving fast enough. So, Felicity tells him to cool it. 

He ignores her AGAIN, but at least we are blessed with this glorious response. 

Source: oliverxfelicity

Where has this gif been for the last seven years? If Oliver is going to be a stubborn ass then at the very least his wife is going to drag him for it with some patented Felicity Smoak snark.

I think Felicity and Diggle have a system for deciding who talks to Oliver. Maybe it depends on circumstance. Diggle seems like the obvious choice because he had an evil sibling too. Maybe they rock paper scissors. Whatever the system, it was Diggle talking down their boy this week. 

We did, however, get some quality husband and wife crime fighting team work. YOUR OTP WOULD NEVER.

Source: olivergifs

After a long day of supporting her husband, incubating their child and stopping criminals, Felicity returns to the loft to work on Archer with Alena. And this was a light Felicity Smoak episode. Damn. Queen of DCTV is right.

Sweet holy Moses, how are we going to do ten episodes without her? 

I love Oliver Queen. He is my favorite character, but I think we can all agree Felicity Smoak makes him infinitely more tolerable. Oliver can be stubborn, grumpy pine tree left to his own devices. Hopefully, he’s evolved enough that all of Felicity’s hard work doesn’t go down the tubes the moment they are separated. He is supposed to be Jesus now. I think Slabside is evidence it won’t, but ten episodes without Felicity Smoak feels like a daunting task. It feels like climbing a mountain...

only to get stabbed in the chest and chucked off the edge once we reach the top.

Bl*ck S*ren

BS decides to follow Emiko and gets spliced with an arrow because she sucks at covert ops. 

Source:  nyssaalghl

She goes to Olicity’s apartment to speak to Felicity about her Emiko suspicions, but unfortunately the wifey isn’t home. Bl*ck S*ren turns to leave when she realizes the only person available to discuss her suspicions with is Oliver. I believe there's 0% chance of L*urel falling in love with Oliver and 99.99% chance she's already in love with Felicity.

Not to be outdone, Oliver offers to bandage up her bleeding wound. He takes out antibiotic and gauze and SETS. IT. ON. THE. KITCHEN. COUNTER. 

It’s a very large kitchen counter too, so it creates the wide berth these two require to stand being in a room together.  

 Source:  nyssaalghl 

We’ve gone from main love interest to stay on your side of the room. I died. 

I don’t know how we got here family, but we’re here and it’s fabulous. 

The writers are more anti L*uriver than I am, which is an impressive level of hate - if I’m being honest.

I need to put on a sweater whenever Stephen and KC film a scene because brr it’s cold! 

The L*uriver fans expecting sexy bandage time must have been deeply disappointed. Or at least the two fans left were deeply disappointed.

Of course, Oliver doesn’t believe BS because duh. My dog could’ve called that one. He tells her to mind her own business and pretty much kicks her out the apartment. Obviously, L*urel is right about Emiko, but Oliver telling her to shove it never gets old under any circumstances.

Then Dinah accuses her of murdering a witness 

Source:  nyssaalghl 

and L&urel is righteously indignant.

Of course, L*urel is right. It’s not like she has ever murdered before. Why on earth would anyone ever think that? 

Dinah even has the nerve to bring up her dead boyfriend again. She really needs to let this Vince thing go because L*urel played lawyer for the last seven months and helped get Oliver out of a jail. See? All better.

BS is redeemed now, so Dinah really needs to stop bitching. Arrow is my life tutor, so following that same logic I’m going to murder a baby and then buy a puppy because it will even the cosmic balance. 

The best moment is when Emiko releases images of Savior of the World L*urel L*nce meeting with Ricardo Diaz. 

Source:  nyssaalghl 

It’s going to be pretty tough for BS to keep up the pretense she is law abiding, justice yielding District Attorney L&urel L*nce when she’s hanging out with one of Star City’s most notorious criminals.  I take it back. Emiko is awesome.

Of course, I’m not delusional enough to believe Arrow is going to give BS an arc that actually qualifies as redemptive. Helping Felicity was a good start, but it doesn’t wipe the slate clean for me. Not by a long shot. Neither does being a fake lawyer. I would like to see L*urel pay for her crimes the same way Oliver paid for his by going to PRISON, but I doubt the writers will give me that much Christmas. I am very curious to see how “Lost Canary” shakes out. That said, I have very little doubt BS will betray her one true love.

Stray Thoughts

“Which doesn’t mean she’s bad.” I told you Olicity wouldn’t care Emiko killed Diaz. They brought the marshmallows to his bonfire party.

“On your own.” Stephen read that line super diva and it cracked me up.

“Being a father is more than just blood.” I hate to agree with a villain but damn he’s right.

Every time Felicity touches her stomach I happy clap. Source: olicitygifs

L*urel’s shoulder pads have to be stopped. Just say no wardrobe department.

Forcing me to go without this adorableness for an additional ten episodes is not oka. I’ll go through Felicity Smoak withdrawal which is hazardous.  Source: ebett

Does Emiko visiting her father’s grave make a damn bit of sense now that we know she played a role in his death? Nope. Didn’t think so.

Disclaimer: Any gifs on the blog are not mine. If you would like a gif removed from my reviews, please message me. 7x17 gifs credited.

If you’d like to support the blog, please buy me a cup of tea!

[breeeliss]

fun fact: best part by h.e.r just so happened to start playing right when i started writing the kiss <3

//allurance

the history behind christmas had admittedly gone over allura’s head when lance tried to explain it. stories of immaculately conceived saviors born from virgins turned into saints visiting children to deliver toys which then turned into a lengthy rant about something called late stage capitalism. it was all rather convoluted in her opinion, but she’d gotten the basics down. 

lights hanging from the ceilings, trees decorated with baubles and ribbons, strange green plants woven into wreaths and hung on the walls, lots of sweets, and of course presents. 

at veronica’s insistence, allura had celebrated the evening before the christmas holiday with lance’s family. they were packed tightly into the family’s barracks and there was barely enough space to move around the makeshift dinner table they’d created, but they were able to get by. lance’s mother was a phenomenal cook, and she’d insisted on giving allura a gorgeous hair brush set that she’d kept safe while she was out scouring for supplies with her husband. 

lance’s niece and nephew made her a chain of paper snowflakes to hang on her wall, veronica had given her a music player filled with some of her and lance’s favorite songs, and lance’s two brothers had pitched in to make her a makeshift vanity table for her room in order to make it a little more homey. 

there wasn’t much that allura had left in the way of altean gifts, but she’d managed to make it work -- a fake magic show for the kids using some simple altean alchemy, some old altean dresses she had stored away in her lion for lance’s mother, an antique blade set she’d bought off an unilu stand for veronica, and some spare altean communicators for lance’s brothers since they’d been in the habit of frequently stealing lance’s. 

she was most nervous about lance’s present, wrapped crudely in whatever spare decorative paper she could find lying around and tied off with a ribbon that she’d pulled off the family’s christmas tree. but right as she was about to give it to lance, he held a finger up to his lips and jutted his chin towards the door. 

“is something wrong?” she whispered. 

lance put an arm around allura’s shoulder and led her out into the hall, ignoring veronica’s shit eating grin from across the room. allura noticed that he was holding a black box behind his back and was angling his body in a way so that she wouldn’t be able to get a good look at it. “no, nothing at all. just that everyone was getting a little loud and i thought we could just get away from it for a bit.” 

“i don’t mind,” allura promised. “i think your family is absolutely charming.” 

lance laughed. “yeah, that’s definitely a word for them alright. but i was gonna head to one of the common areas for a bit if you wanted to join me.” 

allura snuggled into his side and wrapped an arm around his waist. “of course.” 

most everyone was in the mess hall turned christmas extravaganza where tables had been pushed aside, decorations had been erected, and music was blasting loud enough for it to echo two stories high. it was a great morale boost and ended up being a perfect way to break the ice amongst all the new rebel forces that had come to earth. but that meant that all of the smaller common areas on the floors above were practically empty, and lance led them to one that had an entire wall of windows overlooking the desert just outside the garrison campus. 

lance sat on one of the windowsills and left space across from himself for allura to sit, but she ended up settling herself in between his legs with her back pressed up against his chest. she took his arms and wrapped them around her shoulders. “is this okay?

he bit his lip and hesitated before resting his chin on the top of her heard. “yeah, of course. you comfy?” 

“your sweater is twice the size you are, so i’d say it’s a rather comfy pillow.” 

“shut up,” he smiled. “mom made it for me and started getting pissy when i wouldn’t wear it. besides, she made you the same one!” 

allura pulled at the red sweater that had a huge green christmas bow garishly glued right to the front. “i’m trying to embrace your customs. pidge told me that unappealing clothing was part of the charm.” 

“you mean ugly sweaters?” 

“yes! that’s it!” 

“you know yours kinda makes you look like a christmas present.” 

allura tilted her head back. “a beautifully wrapped christmas present i hope.” 

lance laughed. “oh of course, obviously.” 

“at least mine looks nicer than that deformed yelmore you have on yours.” 

“for the last time, it’s called a reindeer.” 

“and they don’t fly?” 

“no. only in children’s stories about santa claus. you know, the deranged old man that breaks and enters people’s homes in order to leave them presents?” 

“are you going to keep making fun of me for that? i don’t understand it! what use is it making children believe a stranger is giving them all of their presents as opposed to their own family?” 

“i don’t know. why don’t you take it up with the national christmas committee?” 

“did you know sarcasm is very unattractive on you?” 

“does that mean i’m attractive when i’m not being sarcastic?” 

allura flicked the side of his nose. “nice try.” 

“almost got you!” lance leered. “i’ll get you to admit i’m irresistible one day.” 

“in your dreams.” 

the flood lights lining the garrison campus had long been turned off outside, which meant the room they were in was dark save for the multicolored christmas lights lining the walls and casting fractals of light onto their faces. she settled further into him and pulled one of her arms closer around her. “you must have missed so many christmases while you were away from home,” she muttered. 

“a few for sure,” lance answered. “but it’s okay. the decorations and presents don’t really matter as much as getting to spend time with your friends and family. so in a way i didn’t really miss christmas at all because i spent them all with you guys.” 

“still, there’s something about this that feels so comforting,” allura said. “like you feel safe and warm tucked into a little corner in the world no one else can touch. i understand why everyone thought it would be good to celebrate right now.” 

“yeah. something about christmas puts a lot of people at ease, even if they don’t celebrate. it’s hard to feel alone when you’re surrounded by so much, you know?” 

allura hummed. “i really like it.” 

lance jolted in his seat and reached for the box that he’d left sitting next to the window. “oh crap. i forgot to give you your present.” 

allura blinked as he placed it in her hands. “...you got me something?” 

“why do you sound so surprised?” he teased. “like you wouldn’t be one of the first people i shopped for. i was going to give it to you during dinner but i thought it might be better if we did it alone.” 

“now you’re making me nervous.” 

“no, no, don’t be nervous, it’s nothing bad. at least i hope not. i’ve been hiding this in romelle’s room for weeks because i was afraid of you seeing it. i didn’t want to ruin the surprise.” 

it was long and flat, no bigger than two hand lengths and locked shut with a golden latch along the front. “nothing’s going to jump out at me is it?” 

“not in the way that you think...” 

allura frowned at the cryptic answer, but she undid the latch and slowly cracked the lid open. 

the first thing allura was struck by was the glittering pink jewels that had started to sparkle against the glow of the christmas lights over her head. at first she thought it was a set of jewelry since she’d been mentioning to romelle she’d been vapidly wishing for some now that talks of presents had started to fill the air. but it wasn’t jewelry at all, at least not quite. it was a solid gold altean diadem, lined in pale pink jewels and set with a small balmeran crystal right in the center. allura gasped as she ran her fingers over the smooth craftsmanship and gently lifted it out of it’s plush casing. “lance...” 

he rubbed the back of his neck. “coran let it slip that this decaphoeb would’ve been when you reached the age of majority. you know, to start ruling altea in your own right? he told me that you would’ve had to get a new crown commissioned for your coronation, and since you gave up your last one to help with shiro’s arm, i thought i’d get you a new one. you know, the one your father would’ve passed onto you during your coronation.” 

allura felt tears pushing against the backs of her eyes. “lance...this is gorgeous, i can’t even...how did you even do this, i’m...” 

“well coran helped a lot,” lance said. “told me what types of designs would look best. but i picked the morganites. i know what pink means to alteans and i thought it felt appropriate. but if you don’t like it i can always try and get another one made for you.” 

“no, no, don’t, it’s perfect!” allura insisted. she lifted it to her forehead and laughed when it ended up fitting perfectly. coran must have still had her old crown measurements saved. she smiled widely and turned her head side to side so that the jewels would glimmer in the light. “how does it look?” 

she saw lance’s smile warm his gaze and blush his cheeks. “stunning. just like i thought it would be.” 

allura pressed a hand to her heart and felt it race in her chest. “lance, thank you. really really thank you, this is...possibly the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever gotten you. i hope it didn’t cost you much.” 

lance waved away the concern. “don’t you worry. coran and i are great hecklers. it ended up being worth every gac.” 

allura pouted and pulled the small box out of her pocket. “i feel awful. my present for you isn’t nearly as good.” 

“you got me something?” he perked up. 

“i mean, it’s just a small thing,” she said, placing the wrapped gift in the palm of lance’s hand. “i had veronica help me a little bit because i was going back and forth on what to get for you.” 

lance carefully pulled away the paper, unboxed the gift, and pulled out an unassuming flat piece of metal. he turned it over in his hands a few time and frowned. “am i missing something?” 

allura laughed and pointed to the underside. “it’s a holopicture. i have one that’s just an album of photos of me and my parents. flip the switch on the bottom and it should turn on.” 

lance did as he was told and watched the holo light flicker above the disc for a few minutes before it sharpened into a clear picture. for a moment it didn’t look as if he understood what he was staring, but then his eyes widened as his hand came to cover his mouth. “oh my god, this is...” 

“apparently one of your communication networks was completely compromised when the galra attacked. the internet i think it was called? but a lot of your personal photos were lost when that happened. veronica said she was able to pull some of them off and save them before anything was lost forever, but she didn’t know how to keep them safe for you. so i thought this would be nice for you to have.” 

lance slowly started to swipe through all of the photos in the album -- ones from high school, from their vacations to cuba, birthday parties, block parties, graduations, quinces, and even a few videos that had lance chortling into his hands and trying his hardest not to cry in front of her. “i thought for sure i had lost all of these.....how many are in here?” 

“well over a thousand,” allura said. “you had a lot of pictures. i don’t think we were able to get all of them unfortunately, but i thought this would be a good collection. and it’s small enough that you can take it on missions in case you’re feeling homesick.” 

lance was grinning at the sight of a picture of him when he was six years old and showing off the two front teeth that he had missing. “allura this is a perfect present. seriously, i can’t even believe you were able to get these for me.” 

“of course i did,” she smiled. “it wasn’t easy to transfer them over, but i wanted to figure it out for you. i’m glad you like it.” 

he was still staring down at the holograms in disbelief until he stared at allura with a gleam of mischief in his eyes. allura didn’t have time to react before he jumped from his seat, scooped allura up in his arms, and bridal carried her across the room while he spun her in circles and laughed into her hair. 

allura squealed and wrapped her arms tightly around lance’s neck so that she wouldn’t fall. “what are you doing?” she laughed. 

lance stopped, stared down at her, and left a long, warm kiss on her forehead. “nothing,” he sighed. “just happy. you always make me happy, but this is more than i could’ve asked for.” 

“i do try to exceed expectations,” she teased. 

he was staring at her for a moment as if there was something that he wanted to say and was too afraid to vocalize. she could feel his fingers readjusting their grip on her and she was about to ask him what was wrong before she noticed something hanging just above the doorway they were standing under. “what’s that?” 

lance looked up, and allura watched as his entire face went red. “o-oh, um. that’s nothing. just a decoration.” 

“why do you look so nervous? what is it?” 

“ahhh, it’s a plant called a mistletoe,” he explained. “there’s this silly tradition where any two people caught standing underneath one have to kiss. but it’s kind of weird and i don’t think people really take it seriously anymore.” 

allura played with the hairs on the back of his neck. “what do you mean? that sounds charming.” 

“i just don’t wanna make you uncomfortable or anything.” 

allura raised a brow and turned lance’s chin towards her. “why would you think you’d make me uncomfortable?” 

lance swallowed. “i-i don’t know. last time i tried to kiss you i ended up kissing platt instead.” 

“admit it, you deserved that.” 

“alright, fair enough.” 

“here,” she said, tilting her head up and running a finger along his bottom lip. “try again. i promise i won’t play any tricks.” 

“you don’t have to you know...” 

“hey now,” she said. “i’ve committed myself to fully embracing this earth holiday with you. i intend to follow all the rules and celebrate properly.” 

lance rested his forehead against hers. “well, since you insisted...”

allura felt like a little girl when he finally kissed her -- popping one of her feet into the air and curling her toes against the onslaught of pure elation that had flooded her so suddenly. then everything melted into warm glow that filled her chest and left her sighing into his mouth every time their lips separated to reconnect again. everything about him in that moment created such a darling image, including the way he curled the ends of her hair around his fingers and gently swayed them back and forth into a gentle waltz until they broke apart. lance was the one to open his eyes first, and perhaps it was just a surge of pure untapped happiness that made him laugh at the same moment she did. 

it wasn’t often that someone else could make her feel this weightless. 

the tapped the end of his nose and left him one last peck on the lips. “merry christmas, lance. i hope you have so many more just like this one.” 

lance kissed her back. “as long as you’re there, they will be.”