#Honestly this show has helped me though some of the toughest times in my life
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Happy one year since the Owl House finale <3
#Honestly this show has helped me though some of the toughest times in my life#I'm so so appreciative of the show the fandom and my friends for watching it with me#Hunter especially is so important to me and has impacted my life so much#In a sense the “thanks for finding me” has a bit of a dual meaning haha#Happy Watching and Dreaming anniversary#the owl house#the owl house hunter#toh hunter#the owl house fanart#toh fanart#Curscival-Creates#my art
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Lovely Jane Asher, Peter Asher and Alan Freeman at home during an interview. March 27th, 1964. From Getty images and 1960s Music website for the article in high quality.
ALAN FREEMAN
(The stars confide in him )
HEART TO HEART with the most envied girl in the world.
HOW PAUL HAS CHANGED JANES LIFE.
Every evening after school is out, two young girls stand for hours on the corner of London’s fashionable Wimpole Street. One is tall, the other tiny. Many an evening on my way home from the BBC I've noticed them and wondered: Who are they? What are they waiting for? Over the weekend I found myself keeping the same vigil—this time at my own front door. For it was then I discovered I was waiting for the same people as those young fans. If you're still guessing, pop-pickers, the answer is ... Jane Asher and her brother Peter. Jane's an actress, not a singer, but she's one of the most important trendsetters in and around the world of pop. Pin-sharp grey suit . . .beacon-bright red hair. . . cheeky freckles . . . a cool kooky sense of humour. That's Jane.
Those kids on the corner spend their time hoping for a glimpse of Jane with her steady swain, Beatle Paul McCartney, and Peter.
Helping: The Asher twosome are a rarity in our business. A brother and sister with different careers but helping each other to stardom. The coffee was already perking as they came through the door. But Jane smilingly shook her head at my cream cakes. Not that I blame her— that figure of hers is worth watching. Shrewd commonsense is typical of Jane and Peter Asher. Their father is a doctor, their mother а musician. Neither of them has been carried away by their success in show business. "Jane's always been interested in music,' Peter said.
"She plays flute and guitar. So we can both help and criticise each other in a friendly way." Peter, at 20, is two years older than Jane. He has the same flaming red hair, but his quiet manner contrasts with her bouncy enthusiasm. Peter and Gordon (that's Gordon Waller, his school chum and partner) took over the Beatles’ No. 1 chart-spot with that first disc. But what few fans know is that after making that record Peter was faced with the toughest choice of his life— sticking to show business or going back to his studies at London University.
Proudly: "His brain is much better than average," Jane said, looking proudly at him across her coffee-cup. "Oh, come on," her brother grinned. "Honestly, though, it's a drag when people come up to you and say, ‘Aren’t you wasting your education playing pop?’ "This life is part of my education. Okay, I was studying for a degree in philosophy. It sounds horribly crummy if I say university has helped me to think-but I'm not sure it's much good to me when I'm playing one-night stands." Peter and Jane were luckier than most. They avoided the usual drawing-room showdown with father and mother when they announced they were going to be entertainers. "Dad would have liked us both to be doctors," Jane said. "But he didn't mind when we didn't take it up. Mother is a composer and she teaches as well. "She feels the pop life is a bit funny. But she gets annoyed when some of her pupils go snobby and think they’re very hip by saying pop is terrible”. Peter nodded. "Jazz knocks her out with its technical proficiency, particularly when I introduce her to Bob Cooper and things like that.” At learned Westminster School, however, the biggest obstacle in the path of Peter and Gordon was a big iron gate. Gordon was a boarder, Peter a day student. The afternoon was getting muggy, so I got. up and put some cool music on the hi-fi. Jane closed her eyes and relaxed while Peter told me another of the ironies which seem to crop up in his life.
Singing: "Well," said Peter, "we started singing and playing guitar together. At that time Gordon was a big Elvis devotee. He sang like him and even looked like him. "We used to play at concerts in school. We even went in for the chamber music competition once with a Shadows-type group." But life outside beckoned with a glitter. There was money to be made—if only Gordon could get out at night. Kerb-crawling like a Chicago gangster, Peter would drive up to the school gate at ten o'clock every night and Gordon would climb over. "Gordon used to be pretty bushed after working all night and often it was quite a climb for him. One night he hurt his foot badly on one of the iron spikes and we had to pack it in for a bit." Then they landed a stint at a favourite rendezvous of London showbiz folk, the Pickwick Club. "We'd just left school and we were very nervous," Peter said. "We were twanging away when we noticed there was this man who wasn't just hearing us. He was actually listening to us. “We said he must be somebody important because he was so shiny. He had this marvellous shining suit and he looked very big-time. So we played all the good songs we knew, and he bought us a drink and asked if we'd made a record." The shining man was Norman Newell, maker of myriad disc hits by Shirley Bassey, Danny Williams, Alma Cogan and Matt Monro. “A week later we made a test record. We sang two or three folksongs. He said, 'Great—very good sound’. And there and then he gave us a five-year contract." The hi-fi slid to a stop and Jane opened her eyes. "Mmm," she murmured, stretching luxuriously. "It's nice to have a day off, Alan.”
Praise: I knew how she felt. Take it from me, pop-pickers, the atmosphere of a recording studio is like an ice-cream parlour compared with the heat and hammering of a film set. And Jane had plenty of that while she was making "The Masque Of The Red Death," which brought her such praise from critics in the States. She was tickled to hear that I'd just finished a film part myself in “Doctor Terror’s house of horrors”. There are no records or microphones or white shirts or washing machines or disc-jockeys. I had a ball. But for Jane, the cinema and the theatre are not just a breakaway, as they are for me. For her, they’re her whole life. "I've never been really satisfied with anything I've done," she said. "I don't think anybody should be. "We've been acting on and off since I was five and Peter was seven. We did six or seven 'Robin Hood' episodes on television together, and in 1956 Peter was one of the boy actors of the year." I asked Jane her great ambitions. "In the theatre," she said, “to play Shakespeare. I was offered two years at Stratford but it would have meant leaving so many things that mattered to me-friends ... and everything." She didn't go deeper, but I'm sure I know what she meant. "My life is not in pop but I'm constantly surrounded by it," she said. "For one thing, people always want me to make a record. "I'd only make one if I were an outstanding singer, really remarkable. But since I'm not, I don't want to do it. "If I did, and the record did get anywhere, people would say it was only because I was Peter's sister. Or because .. She didn't finish it. She didn't have to. "What do you want for yourself, personally ?" I asked.
Marriage: "The same as every other single girl, Alan. To eventually get married and have children. Nothing unusual." Jane is very proud of her progress with classical guitar, but she blushed when Peter said with brotherly bluntness: "She's just like me. You don’t practise enough, do you?’ The Beatles have a great German buddy-Klaus whom they met in Hamburg. He lives over here now, and boy! can he handle the old strings. “Have you heard Klaus play?” I said. "Oh, I think he's absolutely terrific," she said. "Except ...?" "Except what?" I goaded. "Except he won't practise enough. I met him the other night and Klaus told me so himself. Never mind, I'll keep at it. Maybe one day I'll get into the Top Ten with my guitar. "But it certainly won't be as a singer. Or because I spend my time with successful people." She winked affectionately at Peter.
Sunshine: I glanced out at the roof garden. The sun was coming out again. I put a new disc on the hi-fi... Alan Deane and his Problems. Peter listened carefully, head on one side. One day, if he gives up starring and turns recording boss for other performers, I bet we'll get some pretty striking sounds. Peter’s a perfectionist. The Problems didn't quite measure up to his demands. "They're not getting quite the right effect with that harmonica. "Instead of getting lovely bent, muddy sounds they're using a chromatic-one of those with the plunger on. The way I'd do it ..." and he launched into a brilliant technical analysis of the disc. To the many guitarists among you, pop-pickers, here's a Beatles tip I picked up from Peter. "A lot of people think you need all this Futurama equipment on a guitar to get these great twangy effects at the end of a number. "You can get it by just pressing down the string with practically anything metal. It gives a marvellous gee-doinnngg! "In fact, one of the best notes the Beatles ever played in a record, they got by using a cigarette lighter on the strings. It was the handiest bit of steel they could find at the time." Jane looked at her watch— a flat, thin, man's model on a wide strap. This is still a very chic fashion in The Village, as the Asher's home territory of Marylebone is called. "I'm sorry, Alan. We ve got to be going. It's been great talking."
Waiting: On the way down I asked Peter and Jane about those two kids who stand waiting near their house. Peter blanched. "Them? I don't understand them at all. Sometimes we've been doing shows out of town and I'd notice them in the audience. "We'd leave at the end and drive home directly. And they'd be there at the house before us. I don’t know how they do it”. As they waved goodbye from their car window I recalled one of the nicest things Peter had said during the whole afternoon. "What the Beatles have done for pop music is mainly by being such interesting people and being themselves." I felt exactly that about Peter and Jane Asher.
#jane asher#the beatles#60s#beatles girls#actress#lady jane asher#something about jane asher#model#beatles women#redhead#red hair#peter asher#1964#article#explore page
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What’s been going on with me?
No one asked but this is the oversharing website and well. I’ve always treated my blog like my own personal diary. For those of you who know me irl, feel free to ignore. You either already know or you I’m planning on telling you when I get the chance (only you get more details then what I’ll post online). Under the cut for length and other reasons.
I debated posting this but I am incapable of shutting up and telling everyone my business. Well sort of. Obviously, I don’t go into a lot of detail but I share what I’m comfortable telling strangers online.
I had something happen roughly a month ago that massively triggered my ptsd. I also had a whole lot going on in my personal life and I decided to take a break from tumblr for about a week. That break was great. But it became clear not long after I came back from my week break that it wasn’t long enough. Now, if we’re mutuals it’s likely that you’ve noticed I haven’t exactly taken a full break from tumblr and I’ve been here lurking and liking. But I definitely took a break from posting. June and July are already extremely rough months for me mentally and there were things about being on tumblr that made me feel…not great. So I decided to take a step back for myself. I also cut down on the amount of shows I’m watching. I had to place a lot of shows on hold because I no longer had the brain space for them. I’m planning on watching them when I have the time and capacity though.
I have also been…physically ill. I don’t talk about it a whole lot on here but I am chronically ill and it doesn’t often flare up and it doesn’t often flare up bad enough to impact my life but I can honestly say that the month of July has been one of the toughest months of my life. (Please don’t worry about me, I have a rock solid support system and I am doing okay.)
But as a result of my ptsd being triggered and my mental health tanking so severely, I really sat with why tumblr was contributing to this. And I had to come to a decision. I realized that over the past few years, in an attempt to make my blog as safe a space as possible for everyone, I have turned myself into a doormat. I have said before that it is a struggle for me to be kind because my natural state of being is to be mean. So I’ve decided that I’m just gonna be myself. I am going to be mean. That’s not to say that I’m going to go out of my way to be mean and rude and cruel to people. What I mean is, I’m gonna stop pulling punches if people come to me. If you do something weird, I am going to call a spade a spade and call you on it. My motto in real life and now on tumblr is “don’t start nothing, won’t be nothing.” Before I can make my blog a safe space for others, I need to make it a safe space for me. Because I was very close to deactivating my blog and never turning back. BL tumblr can be a wonderful community and I genuinely love it with all my heart (why I am still here and did not deactivate) but dear god we all need to stop policing each other. It’s one thing to have boundaries and it’s entirely another to tell people if they don’t post the way you do, that they’re wrong. If you come on my blog, if you interact with me in some way, you do not get to control what I say, how I say it, or how I post. By all means, if I am being problematic, call me on that shit. But if all we have is a difference of opinion, you don’t get to say shit. That’s not to mean that we can’t have a difference of opinion, but if you in any way imply that I am wrong to be sharing my opinion in any way, then congrats, you’ll see what I’m like when I’m mean. (To be clear, I have a whole list of blocked people now but tumblr is shit so I still see some toxic shit here because tumblr’s blocking system is ass. and before you tell me to use xkit, I do on my laptop but that doesn’t help if I’m on my phone.)
So now that I’ve said…all that. I want to share two things from the past week or so:
I saw Deadpool & Wolverine twice. Those two did definitely fuck in that van. The soundtrack slapped and I’m not just saying that because Stray Kids has a song…somewhere…in that movie. Apparently. Also their song for the movie goes SO HARD. Check out Slash by Stray Kids and then tell me your thoughts.
Speaking of Stray Kids. I saw them at Lollapalooza yesterday! They were GREAT. I was not. I felt wholey unwell the whole time. I am too introverted, too old, and too ill for music festivals. But if you get a chance to see some clips of the performance…just think of me, in the crowd, screaming despite feeling not too hot. (And when I say ill I mean my chronic illness not that I went to a crowded place with a contagious disease). I made a new friend there and I got to see them perform so many songs live. I don’t have a lot of videos or photos of the performances because I was too busy being entranced but I will say that I didn’t know I had to see Super Bowl live until I did. I did not realize I bad I wanted it. And seeing Back Door and God’s Menu live was simply a dream come true. I was close to tears but I held back because I needed to be able to SEE.
And speaking of lolla…one of the bands I saw there (same stage as Stray Kids) is Sundial and they are just…delightful. Wonderful stage presence and a fuckton of talent and if you are looking for some new music/new artist to check out, I HIGHLY recommend. They had a new fan out of me before the first song even ended.
I don’t have much else to add. As always you are welcome to DM me, reply, or send me things to my ask box but energy will be matched. If you’re kind and understanding and approach me genuinely, we’ll get on well. I have made some truly amazing friends here. I mean this when I say that my mutuals are really some of the greatest people on the planet and they deserve all of the love in the world. I love you all so much that I couldn’t leave despite how close I came to leaving. I also would like to add that despite all of the above, I am genuinely and truly fine. I will start posting again and annoy you all with my unhinged thoughts yet again <3
#rae irl#personal post#probably the most personal post i'm gonna post on here and that's saying something#feel free to read or ignore#not my business what you do#anyway love yall i'm gonna go eat a pickle methinks
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Review: This Summer Will Be Different
Initial Thoughts:
Never before have I wanted to go to PEI (the smallest province in Canada) so badly, and if Carley Fortune does not make you book a ticket (or drive like me), we did not read the same novel. I know Fortune in the literature world writes these epic romances that make you not only fall in love with the characters, but the location as well, and this novel can be a testament to that statement. Fortune makes you fall in love with Lucy and PEI at the same time as this novel not only spans before the summer of Bridget getting married, but the past five summers, and some thanksgiving. As Felix and Lucy try to deny the chemistry they feel for each other, this secret romance has you gasping for the conclusion. The thing is though, where Felix is the perfect book boyfriend, and I loved his and Lucy’s relationship, that is not the romance this novel is about. Taking inspiration from Anne of Green Gables (PEI classic story), this novel is an ode to female friendship that makes you more emotional than anything Felix does or could do. This is a love story of Lucy and Bridget, two best friends who found each other in college and helped through the toughest challenges of young womanhood. This type of friendship has not been told before (by novels that I’ve read) because it's not about a group of friends or a found family, but that single person that makes you feel more seen and heard than anyone else in a truly platonic sort of way. That is to me what makes this novel phenomenal, not only a good romance and a beautiful location, but as an ode to female friendship that makes you hold your girlfriends close and want to treasure the friendship you created.
Characters:
I honestly think Lucy is the perfect character and an excellent POV for this novel. Lucy is in her mid-twenties and like every mid-twenties girl she has some things figured out, but not all, and is desperate to cling to what she knows. With the novel flashing back to summer five years before, four years before, and Thanksgiving three years before, we get to see the growth Lucy has done in her life, while simultaneously experiencing the growth within this novel. Past Lucy has already dealt with the hard drama of choosing a job her parents disagree with and dealing with the passing of her close aunt, allowing this novel to be about her relationship with Felix and Bridget. Yes both of them, because as much as Lucy spends the novel crushing on Felix, Bridget is also a main focus of the novel. Fortune's ability to make this novel equally about Lucy falling in love with Felix, and about her friendship with Bridget is one of the reasons why I fall in love with this novel and Lucy herself. Lucy is a well-developed character who does not take drama and is honestly a good friend to Bridget the entire novel. Felix and Bridegt, the dynamic siblings are also extremely well developed in both the past and present of this novel. Felix shows a fantastic arrange of emotions and behaviors as you tell throughout the years when Lucy and him are friends or there is tension. Bridget, who is lofty in this novel due to her secret, has a close connection with Lucy and her brother and is also a good friend despite the secrets behind her. My favorite part of Fortune’s story is that Lucy and Bridget are such strong characters with such a strong base that no matter the secret they are holding, it does not break their friendship, thus, no third-act reunion where they become besties again, they are always friends. The need for female friendships to withstand any hardship is displayed beautifully within this novel, in which Lucy and Bridget show that at every single point during this novel, neither character ever lets us down!
Plot / Writing:
Fortune holds readers' attention with the countdown to Bridget’s wedding, which may or may not happen. Where the novel begins talking about how five summers ago, Lucy slept with Felix before learning that the handsome local she met at the restaurant was Wolf, Bridget’s little brother, someone who Bridget said not to fall in love with, you would think the secret would crack their friendship, but it does not. Thus, the plot and current starting point of the novel, show the countdown to Bridget’s wedding, one that days prior has Bridget fleeing to PEI from Toronto (Canada geography - they are not close) and begs Lucy to come. Thus, during the flashbacks to summers (and Thanksgiving) previous on PEI, we get the present-day countdown of whether Bridget will get married or not. Fortune is amazing at this, keeping the novel in the present, but giving us flashbacks when needed, all to stir along this mystery of what is going on with Bridget. Amongst the romance of Felix and Lucy growing closer into something more, we have Bridget who is losing her mind, one that Fortune does not tell us why until near the end of the novel, giving us it at the crux, and then kept going. That’s right; why Bridget fled to the island is revealed as a third act, but it's not the end of the novel, allowing us to get a full conclusion to the problem, plus an epilogue to wrap everything up nicely. The multiple plots felt needed in this story, and as I said before, Fortune does a superb job at sharing the romance in this novel between Lucy and Felix, and Lucy and Bridget, as this novel is equally about friendship as it is about love.
Conclusion:
This novel is a testament to summer, love, and female friendship as Fortune makes you fall in love with PEI, Lucy, Felix, and Bridget, and makes you wish for your own summertime bliss in PEI. Lucy never met to fall for Felix, but she did mean to fall for Bridget, and where I was not expected to fall for this novel, Fortune knew what they were doing, and I fell hard.
To my own version of Bridget (or Lucy), Normy I love you forever and you truly are the best parts of me.
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It's time
Well, it's time. Time I actually go seek help for my obvious mental illness. You know everything just seems so different these days. Like I never thought a day like this would come, yet it is tomorrow. Tomorrow everything changes. I admit that I am sick. However, part of me is unsure of how getting better is going to look. However, I'm tierd of feeling crazy. I'm tierd of trying to keep it together because I am afraid someone is gonna find out that secretly I am unstable. Who wants to be friends with the crazy girl? I have been sick for a long time. Probably over 5 years now. What do I do now? I'm afraid to get better yet I am also afraid to keep being sick. I don't want people to worry about me. I don't want to be a burden. I feel like seeking treatment makes everyone do that. It shows the world and all your loved ones, "HEY I'VE GOT PROBLEMS!!!" I don't want people to know that about me. I don't want to be some pitiful thing up on stage that everyone feels sorry for all the time. I am sick of it. I'm tierd of all the sad looks I get. Also why is everything so damn different. I can't tell if it is better or worse this way? It seems as if all my friends have left or will leave me. And that it is my fault that they all left. Everyone secretly hates me, and I am a constant disappointment. That secretly I am the bad guy in everyone's life, and even I can't see why. I'm either too loud or passionate or annoying or selfish or just stupid. I feel like everyone is just totally better at all this relationship stuff. I just feel stupid. Like my life is one big sick twisted joke that everyone laughs at. I desperately do not want to go to the doctor. I hate the doctors.
However, my fear of the doctor and getting better is trumped by my love for others and myself. I can't have people worry about me :(
I do not wish for people in my life to be oh so worried about me. I don't want everyone to treat me like some precious delicate thing that if they make one wrong move, I'm gonna end up killing myself or something stupid. I don't want people to feel responsible for helping me to get better. I wish people would just leave me alone and let me battle all this by myself. Sometimes it feels easier to be alone than to have others worry about you. However, I deserve friends and partners in my life. I can't let this silly sickness thing take that away from me or convince me I am better off alone. On the flip side, I can't ask those people to sit by and worry and watch me suffer. That is not ok or cool.
So, I'm going to the doctor. I'm taking about my biggest secret and boy am I not excited about it. When you have been sick for so long the idea of getting better seems stupid and silly and daunting. Why would I need to get better? I have managed to get by this long being sick. I've kind of gotten used to it honestly. Like for the most part, I think I handle things pretty well. I'm good at keeping secrets.
However, this monster in the closet is kind of scary. You know there is a reason I keep stuff locked away in that closet. I've just made it so far in life with this scary monster. Throughout the toughest of times, it was my only friend. No one else has even the slightest idea what I have been through. The monster does though. It sees all. I think that's why it is so scary sometimes. It knows too much. The monster lies though. It has taken me a long time to figure it out, but the monster lies. For a time, I needed some of its lies. The monster kept me safe. Or so I thought. However, me and the monster's relationship is quite toxic. At times it was helpful but most of the time it was hurtful.
Therefore, I have to say goodbye. I have to move on. I have to get better. I deserve to get better. I have conquered a lot in life, I know I can get rid of the monster too. I have to.
Is it possible to feel so many feelings at once.
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Love Cuts Deep
Chapter 1- She Ran With Wolves
Bucky Barnes x powered (f)reader Series Re-write (Civil War, Infinity War/Endgame, TFATWS)
Summary: You’re a survivor, always have been and always will be. After narrowly escaping the clutches of Hydra years ago, you’ve been keeping to the shadows for as long as time allows. With Hydra suddenly exposed and your secrets in the open, you’re on the hunt for the last part of your past, but is he ready to see you again?
Warning: angst, talk of violence, some fluff mixed in (a little); way more to come
Masterlist
Side note- This is a TFATWS Series Re-write!!! Obviously lol, anyways. Readers powers are heavily inspired by a certain Marvel badass and I just thought her powers would work so well for this. Also they’re cool as fuck.
September, 15th 2013
Location: S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters, Washington D.C.
This recent project Fury had sent her on was beginning to make itself quit the annoyance for Natasha this past of couple weeks, granted he always gave her the toughest assignments, understanding that no one else can dig up as much dirt as the Black Widow can.
But this? This was different, the target in question was practically a ghost, a legend among the ones lucky, or possibly unlucky enough to have been made aware of this dangerous individual. But no matter how much she asked around from her various secretive resources on the problem in question, this mystery person was simply just rumor to them. Or perhaps too much of a sour subject to seek into any further. Although one thing was always prevalent, people were scared.
But why?
The assassin leans back in her chair, a thoughtful expression crossing over her features as she stares bitterly down at the top secret file gifted to her by Fury himself. Suddenly a door closes, she shuts the file in an instant, only to be greeted with the apologetic face of Steve as he walks past her.
“Sorry. Fury told me you would be in here.” Begins Steve as he takes the nearby couch, something small and metal in his right hand, “Said you were assigned some impossible case. How’s it going so far?”
Letting out a jaded sigh, she shifts her gaze over to the window, “The absolute vagueness of this person is....frustrating to say the least. All I’ve been able to gather is that they’ve been part of some top secret experimentation on pregnant women. Somehow they’re involved with it....I just, gotta figure out how.” She adds with a conflicted expression dancing across her features.
Steve hums in thought, “Sounds complicated.”
“You have no idea.” Mutters Natasha unenthusiastically as her green irises shift back down to the annoying little file.
Steve palms the object in his hand before gaining his friends attention once again, “Here. Fury told me to give this to you.” Her brows furrow in thought as she reaches over and quickly accepts the strange hard drive looking object, “I think this will help. It has the location of the target and who they are. That’s it.....Well, the last reported location.”
“How did he?” She wonders aloud, face suddenly breaking out into an irked grin, “Fury you son of a bitch, about time I found a legitimate lead.”
——
Sitting on her comfortable apartment couch, Natasha sifts through the various encrypted files from the hard drive that’s currently plugged into her laptop. So far she’s spent about two hours breaking through the various encrypted file blockers and now at long last has finally made some real progress.
Studying the brightly glowing screen, she moves her finger, clicking another coded link that reads -V13X11- she’s immediately greeted with a black screen and the slightly blurred picture of a woman’s face who’s looking rather stoic and fearless against the camera flash. Her eyes are set and hard as stone, dark and almost angry behind lips that show the ghost of a forced smile. She’s noticeably an overall attractive woman, in kind of a terrifying and intimidating sort of way, like looking at a fierce lioness standing valiantly against a foe; nonetheless she stares defiantly at the person behind the camera.
Her eye color, weight, date of birth, and presumably patient number, that's printed in big bold letters 00X13 on the glowing screen, right below her squared portrait. Furrowing her brows, Natasha scrolls down to see about a paragraph long of personal information given about the woman. Including, to the red heads tremendous surprise, a birth name, Y/N Valerious.
Oddly enough, the name indeed sounds a tad bit familiar, though she can’t quit place from where.
The file states that she was raised in a facility on the outskirts of Surinda, Russia; someplace in Siberia, close to the heart of the mammoth country. Trained by the organization Hydra and summitted into inhuman experimentation by the specific facility that held her, however the rest is all encrypted and impossible to translate into something comprehensible much to Natasha’s utter disappointment.
Huffing in frustration, she slips out the hard drive before shutting down her laptop and slamming it shut. The room is darker by now with the sun gone, and tomorrow it appears that Natasha will be off to Sweden to confront this woman, Y/N, in hopes of gathering valuable intel into the people who created her, and any important information regarding her troubled past.
If she’s willing to comply.
——
Closing your laptop, you stand and wander over to the opened window to stretch before taking a deep breath of freshly brisk winter air. The land here in Uppsala, Sweden is more beautiful and peaceful then you could have ever imagined since renting an apartment two months ago. In fact, this is probably the longest you’ve ever stayed in one spot since abandoning the life of an assassin many years ago.
Though you know it won’t be much longer until you leave again, but you can’t just yet, there happens to be a certain agent on her way to find you. Fury unknowingly received your encrypted hard drive with opened arms, foolishly under the impression it was sent from an old friend when he reached out for answers into your complicated history. Then when the Black Widow eventually clicked open your link, bam, you could see everything she was nosily sifting through. Everything you wanted her to see. You honestly wouldn’t be surprised if something dramatic happened to the people over in D.C. at this point, idiots, all of them.
For the past couple years S.H.I.E.L.D has become sort of a troubling snooping nuisance for you, constantly delving their way into your relatively uneventful lifestyle every couple of months, meddling around to figure out if you’re still currently active for Hydra and if not, are you willing to pay for your crimes or to join them like she did. Definitely not on your to do list any time soon.
Watching as a small black bird zips by, you quickly shut your window and close the dark colored curtains to block yourself from the rest of the chaotic world. Hastily making your usual rounds about the apartment to be absolutely certain all the possible openings are locked. Soon after you head for bed, ready to face the ex-assassin whenever she arrives in the following days ahead.
-
Seated at your kitchen table, you casually sip at your steaming hot tea while watching security footage from downstairs from when you hacked into their system, the same night you began renting the place. As expected, the notorious red head slips her way into the building and up the four flights of stairs until finally a light knock is heard at your old wooden door.
So she wants to do this cleanly.
Switching off the device, you stuff it in a nearby drawer before calmly walking down the tiny hallway over to the frontdoor and opening it, lock off and all. Her green eyes blink in curious surprise as you show her no indications of aggression; she’s about your height if not maybe slightly smaller, thick scarf and a winters coat about her person as she holds a normal sized black bag in her right hand. No doubt a gun concealed somewhere close, a light precaution in case things go south from here.
Trailing your wary gaze from her travel bag to her pale face, you raise an intrigued brow, “I assume you’re here for me?” You ask with the tinge of a confident Eastern European accent as she slowly nods, eyes calculated and calm as she studies your mellow yet slightly defensive stance.
Pursing plush lips together, she casually shrugs with a light hearted smile, “I only realized you must have sent that hard drive when I arrived in London...”
“Well I’ve gotten rather bored running away from your persistent bastards over in America.” You interrupt before opening up your door even wider, gifting her an open invitation instead of a fight, “Come in. I assume we have much to discuss.”
Following you to the table, she sets her bag on the closest chair as you take another sip from your tea. Cautious eyes trained on her every move as she shifts a bit uncomfortably in her chair, “So, I assume you’re not here to sell me that pretty bag of yours. Not that I’d want it.”
She smirks at your blunt sarcasm, pleased to know you’ve at least got a sense of humor after all you’ve endured, “No. I’m here to learn about who created you and if there are any more. Y/N, I’m well aware of how dangerous you truly are...but given the fact that you’ve had time to adjust, and let me into your home willingly. I came seeking answers. Nothing more, nothing less.”
Folding your hands together, you tilt your head at her thoughtfully, “Well that’s good. I didn’t really want killing the Black Widow on my conscience, though I’d speculate a few would be relieved.” You quip with a playful smirk before your face turns serious again, “I’ll tell you about the fuckers who made me. Then you leave and never bother me again. Understood?” You add in almost a growl.
Handing you a polite smile, she nods in agreement, “Of course. You have my word.” You take another sip of your tea as she reaches into her bag, a beige file suddenly plants itself atop your kitchen table. “This is the only surviving file on you. It’s enough, but there’s too many cracks that need to be filled. I need to know how they conducted the experiments and who else survived them. This is important for the safety of S.H.I.E.L.D and the rest of the world. Y/N, we’re trying to make sure something like this can never happen again. And well, any secrets on Hydra always helps.”
Setting your cup down, you smirk, “This should be filled with liquor if I’m going to be spilling some top secret Hydra business of this velocity.” You muse, setting aside your mug, your face quickly shifts to a more serious expression. “For starters this isn’t a very heartwarming story.”
“Neither is mine.” Begrudgingly admits the ex-assassin.
“Well, at least we have something in common then, Black Widow.” You assert with a pointed look before leaning back against the barred wood of your chair, thinking of where to start first. Your eyes trail over to the window as you begin your story, “This place, where they kept us. The scientists working for Hydra wanted to test out special DNA altering serums on the embryos of willing participants. Well, we weren’t willing....but they targeted the poor, feigning a program that would pay these mothers-to-be thousands if they participated. Plus a comfortable place to stay for awhile.” You reveal before taking another sip of your tea, “You see, I’m not originally from Russia, my home was some nameless village in Eastern Europe that I’ve forgotten the name of by now, it was so long ago. But anyways, I guess fate has a funny way of administering it’s business to the ones seeking safety in times of struggle. So my mother...” You take another sip of your tea to help clear your throat and head a little bit, God you hate talking about this.
Setting it down again, you continue, “Mine accepted. They took her and twenty-two others to this facility deep in the woods. This place was practically a paradise for them...” You chuckle miserably, “soon enough the scientists pumped them full of drugs and began their altering of the embryos DNA, genetic codes, and whatever else they saw fit to mess with. Nine months later we came into this world kicking and screaming.”
“Shit.” Mutters Natasha in astonishment, fully engrossed in your story as she starts to realize maybe her upbringing wasn’t as fucked as yours.
“They monitored us for the first few months, waiting to see if anyone acted strange....nothing, to their utter disappointment. Soon they drew blood samples and as it turned out, we all had altered DNA from the serum. Just as they’d planned.”
Her brows furrow in puzzlement before she asks, “How’d you get your powers then? I don’t think I missed anything.” Insists your guest questionably as you shake your head.
“You didn’t. But you have to understand that as we grew older, all of us basically became tiny super soldiers as fucked as that is, not only did they change our genetic code for meddling with later on when we got older. But this serum was so well developed that it completely fused with the fetuses genetic code, only causing us to grow stronger as we aged from toddlers to three-year-old's and up. Testing even revealed that it slowed down our ageing process just like with Captain America. But it wouldn’t be effective till we reached our mid to late twenties.”
Natasha takes a moment to process your words before she nods in acknowledgment, “Y/N. It’s my understanding that this is a buried secret from the organization for good reason, it’s just....what year did this all take place? It’s not in any of the records I was able to dig up, not even in yours, nothing except for your date of birth.” States Natasha curiously, stopping you before you speak of anything else.
Nodding you lean your arms against the wooden table, leaning in a bit closer now, “1953, after World War ll when people where still recovering from the heavy aftermath while the Cold War was still raging on when well, you know.” Giving her a lopsided shrug, you glance from an old faded picture on the wall then back to her, “Lets just say Russia wasn’t exactly having a stellar time, nor was my mother for that matter.” You Conclude before aimlessly pursuing your lips together, “Which yes, makes me at around 60 years old. Don’t I look pretty.” You add, voice dripping in sarcasm.
Natasha’s eyes concede silent astonishment as she blinks back surprise, “Even after all these years doing what I do, meeting the people that I have. I’m still left speechless every once in awhile. Y/N I can’t even imagine what you’ve seen.” Reveals the red head honestly as her green irises flicker from your file then back up to you, a conflicted expression dancing across her features, “How did they...how did you gain your powers, aside from what the serum gave you in the process?”
An apprehensive sigh escapes freely from your lips while you lean back into the creaky old chair, a troubled look darkening your features as you avoid her intrigued gaze, “They waited until we were twelve before testing us....in the meantime we lived as normal children; learning, playing, and training to survive. You know, the typical stuff.” You add with a small breathy laugh, though no humor finds your eyes, “We had our mothers until a year before they began the experiments. But it wasn’t that terrible of a loss since they trained us to adapt to our environment and never fully depend on anyone but ourselves.....it’s sick. And I’m not even sure what they did to them, I guess I never will.”
She nods as you make a disgusted face, an acidic hatred rising in your chest at the thought of your childhood, “I’m sorry, I can’t even imagine how traumatic that must have been.”
“Oh believe me, it gets better.” You joke bitterly, “In pairs of two they tested us, putting us into rooms where two doctors would strap us down and stick a needle into our skin. After that, they waited until something dramatic happened. Oh, and it sure as fuck did.” You conclude with a sneer.
Biting her lip anxiously, Natasha asks anyway, “How many survivors?”
Scoffing, you shake your head in revulsion for what those doctors did to everyone, an angry expression soon crossing your features, “One.” You sourly mutter, “All my other friends died of the new serum they gave us, either right then and there on the table, or in the following days. You see, it was supposed to blend with our altered DNA to create something powerful out of it, something beyond humans normal capabilities. It just ended up horribly mutating everyone except for me.” You whisper, clear sadness and hatred coating your very words.
Your eyes stare sharply at the peeling table top paint, a frown on your lips as you take in a deep breath before continuing, “What they did to me....no one should have to go through something so goddamn agonizing, I was only a child, just a little girl in a terrible place whether I knew it or not....and you know how it affected me?” She slowly shakes her head no as you smile miserably, your brows furrowed in pain, “I was gifted with bone claws that retracted out of my knuckles and one from each of my feet.” You confirm, eyes suddenly darkening in fury, “And you know what those goddamn bastards did to me afterwards? Like I hadn’t suffered enough from the pain of it all, they pumped me full of liquid Adamantium. Turning my claws to solid metal, the fucking strongest material on earth. Right in the body of an eleven year old child!” You shout furiously as she flinches back at your outburst, blinking hard, you let out a heavy breath before leaning back into your chair in defeat.
Calm down, Y/N. It’s just a memory now.
Strong brows dent her clear skin in thought as you await a response, after a few long moments does she soon gather her racing mind, lacing her fingers together she raises a brow at you, “That doesn’t explain how you’ve survived so long. The years working for Hydra, they turned you into a weapon....yet you’ve escaped and haven’t been killed yet. Not even a scratch to be found.....well, at least that I can see.”
Turning to face the puzzled assassin, you give her a lopsided grin, your chill composure coming back to you quickly enough, “I didn’t just get claws from the enhanced serum that fucked with my genetic make-up, it completely heightened my humanly abilities. Suddenly I was stronger, faster, and all my senses felt like they were on overload. Best of it all, I came to realize I had accelerated healing capabilities. Who would have thought that their shitty inhuman experiments would have gone so horrendously, yet with the one miracle of an exception. Me.”
“I had figured that branch of Hydra was meddling on dangerous ground, I hadn’t realized the extent of what they were doing. Did they try making any more like you?” She wonders.
“I was the last. Since I was the only compatible vessel, they didn’t want to waste anymore time or money on others who could possibly fail.” You explain with a shrug, “I became one of their most treasured assets.”
Pursing her lips together, she gives a slight nod before revealing a different file from her bag, you watch as she pauses for a moment before opening it up, you quickly take notice of the many white papers pinned together. Some with encrypted symbols and words while others are in plain English. Your brows furrow as she flips the first page to reveal...
“I know I came asking for answers about classified information, but this won’t be a complete mission if I don’t ask you about your time with Hydra.” Proposes the red head cautiously while she studies your face for any hostile reactions, not getting anything but skepticism, she continues, “I understand you were very important to them. It’s recorded you’ve completed about three dozen kills over an active period of about thirty-seven years.”
You scoff before muttering, “So it would seem. They gave me my first mission in 1971...when I was 17.”
“Right, but that’s not exactly what I’m seeking.” Her eyes immediately trail down to the files, “I assume you must have seen this man at least once...” She flips another page over and pulls out a playing card sized photograph, she turns it around and slides it closer to you. Instantly you recognize who he is, but how did she?..
“I haven’t seen him in years, nor heard of him for that matter.” You mutter, though your tone shifts to a more aggravated one.
Noticing this difference, Natasha continues, “That’s the look of someone who has met him for less then friendly reasons. What happened to the Winter Soldier?” You take a long moment to study his stoic face of icy blue and white, and black; its when he was in the Cryostacis chamber, the place where they would freeze him to keep their Winter Soldier locked away until he was needed for a new mission. All that you can fully witness is his sleeping face, though you know exactly what he looks like up close and with no ice crystals in his dark hair.
Letting out a heavy sigh, you slide the photograph back over to her folder, “I met him when I was 25 in 1979, Hydra needed us for a duel mission somewhere in South Africa, they needed their best. We were tasked with locating and stealing some precious metal which we later learned was Vibranium, because apparently they had used the last of the Adamantium on me.” You reveal with a casual shrug, “It went relatively well as expected...and well, we worked with each other many times after that, until I escaped and he was sent to kill me in 2009.”
“You knew him for almost twenty-nine years. Do you know where he might be now?”
Scoffing, you almost laugh, “Even if I did, you’d never get him. But if I’d have to assume, he’s probably frozen in some cryo tank somewhere in the middle of Russia. Waiting to be let loose again so he can take out a new enemy of the state.”
“Right.” Nods the Black Widow as she closes up her files, her green irises quickly on you again, “Thank you for your time, and for the heavy material you spoke of.”
“It was a long time ago, someone else should remember what those fuckers did to innocent mothers and their children. No one in this entire world knows except for me, you, and the doctors I haven’t killed yet.” You growl with venom lacing your every word.
Soon you watch as she swiftly rises to her feet, as you do the same, “I wish you well then.” Affirms the Black Widow as you follow her lead to the door, she stands on the other side for a moment before asking, “Is there any way I could find you again?”
Leaning against the door frame, you break out into a knowing smirk as she stands waiting expectantly, “If you’re lucky, you’ll never see me again. Goodbye agent Romanoff.” And with that do you gently close the door, leaving her in the hallway with a plethora of useful information, but still nothing significantly useful on the Winter Soldier, now only time will tell if he ever happens to show up on her radar again. Hopefully not, she thinks doubtfully before turning on her heels and sauntering off down the hallway.
——
Almost two whole years had passed since last you’ve spoken to the assassin, in that time you’ve watched her speak on live television when Hydra had finally been exposed to the world and all their secrets let loose for the prying hungry eyes of the public.
Even some of your own information had been leaked, the world knew who you were now, what atrocities you’ve committed for the organization during your time with them and that you’ve been M.I.A since 2009. Now you’re on an international watchlist. Fantastic. Apparently some very important leaders of the world and other prestige family members alike aren’t very fond of yourself for murdering their adversaries or filthy rich husbands.
But it’s not like you had a choice, Hydra would always alter your memories when they shocked you into forgetting who you even were; thus you’d complete a mission and a couple days or so later would your mind stitch itself back together again the best it could from the electrical trauma. Only the killing part would be a dark and fuzzy memory, thus revealing itself to you in bits and pieces at a time. Soon everything blurred together and you just complied or face getting electrocuted multiple times a session, until your eyes remained empty and dangerous.
Considering you’ve been on the run since that information was released, in this time, you’ve tracked down past agents and doctors alike who had wronged you, considering you now had full access to their recent history. Hence increasing your body count as you went from one country to the next, making the world a tad bit lighter with their darkness whipped from existence.
Although soon enough you became unsettled with the loads of information expunged from Hydra, your mind inevitably making a one eighty back to a certain broody super soldier from your complicated past. He must be in the world somewhere, living as a secret civilian or whatnot. He has to be. And you’ve decided to find him before someone else does.
Maybe it was curiosity, or the fact that he was like you and shared a bloody history with Hydra, but your instinctual drive to find the Winter Soldier eventually drew you the beautiful city of Bucharest, Romania. Although he didn’t make finding him effortless in the slightest, after endless days hacking into network databases looking for even a snippet of information. You found a lead.
Turns out airport security footage is very useful, even more so, footage from around the city’s grant center; and from there you were able to track him to Romania. Eventually after a couple of days in the city, you were able to catch a glimpse of him at the local market place and thus followed him to his little shitty apartment without him as so much as noticing.
Once he left again, you slipped inside and began your wait for his eventual return. But will he even want to speak with you? Does he even remember you? Your memories hadn’t been continuously whipped like his were, granted you were forced into cryo more then once and electroshocked into forgetting your memories. It eventfully stopped once they realized your mind would just heal itself into remembering again, so instead they threatened you with a tracking device deep into your skin tissue that would blow up if you tried to run.
Clearly you eventually found a way around this, as terrible of a memory it gave you.
——
Looking out the window, your ears suddenly pick up the sound of boots stealthily walking down the hallway, they’re incredibly light against the tiles outside, perhaps he somehow knows you’ve been following him. A moment later the scent of a man fills your nostrils and you know he’s inside the apartment. You could barely hear the door.
He’s silent as a mouse, nothing indicating he’s even there except for his rapidly thudding heartbeat that pounds anxiously against his strong chest; you slowly turn to face him. His hat from earlier is gone, dark blue eyes stare warily on you while soft breaths emit from his slightly parted lips. He’s not afraid, but he is nervous.
Folding your arms over your chest, you take a glance around the room, “Nice place.” You confirm casually, eyes back on the Winter Soldier in a second as the corner of your lips pull into a humored half grin, “I’m not here to complete some personal Vendetta against you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“Then why are you here?” His voice is more curious then cold, maybe he can be reasoned with after all.
Taking a step forward, you shrug, “Wanted to make sure you aren’t still on their side.”
He keeps silent for a moment as you watch him watch you, “I’m done with them.” Mutters Bucky, disgust dripping off his words. That’s exactly what you wanted to hear. Progress.
“Good.” You add with the tiniest of smiles before motioning towards his little kitchen table, “Mind if we sit and talk? As, well...I guess civilians now.”
Studying your face for any indication of falseness and hostility, he’s pleasantly surprised when he finds none. Bucky takes off both of his gloves and sits, metal hand shinning in the low lighting. A threat or a precaution? Maybe he just wants it off?
You follow his example, and soon the two of you sit not even three feet away from each other. Both yourself and Bucky hold an awkward silence for a long moment as the tension in the room rises, shifting your gaze from the counter behind him, you don’t really notice as he trails his eyes over your face, “I remember you.” Reveals Bucky to your great surprise, your eyes falling onto him in an instant, “They sent us on missions together, until you left and they woke me up to kill you for it.”
Smiling, you let out a humored breath of air, “Turns out you didn’t miss me after all. I gave you a nice scar for your troubles though, you still have it?”
Bucky purses his lips into the tiniest of shadowy grins, although no real joy is shown, “It’s a thin little line across my left rib cage. Just barely reached my bone.” Yeah, and I would have if you didn’t punch me in the eye socket first, you think to yourself from when the Winter Soldier had tracked you down. But that’s a long story.
“Glad it’s healed and they didn’t have you come after me a second time. I don’t think I would have let you live again.”
He thinks hard for a second as he processes your words, “You let me live? The first time?”
“Well,” You serenely admit, “I couldn’t exactly kill you...I guess, well....I don’t really know why I didn’t kill you when I had the chance. Guess I’m not as ruthless as Hydra wanted.” You mumble with a conflicted frown, the two of you keep silent before you break the odd tension, “Doesn’t matter now. I heard about what happened in D.C. just like the rest of the world. Gotta say, I was wondering what everyone over there had been getting themselves into.”
“They leaked everything.” Mumbles Bucky with a knowing flash of insight within his dark restless eyes.
“I know.” You add with a slow nod, “I’ve been traveling more cautiously for the past year and a half now. You’d think they’d let us live in peace, of course not. But I guess it means the world knows what a piece of shit organization Hydra is. So that’s something.”
“Yes.” Agrees Bucky, eyes trailing from your fingerless gloves to your face, of course he remembers what hides beneath, “What happened to you since you left?
Fumbling with your fingers as they lay against his table, you turn you head to the window, the ghost of a smile dancing across your lips, “Surviving. You?”
He shifts his gaze back down to his metal hand as you turn to face him, “About the same I’d say.”
Leaning back against your creaky wooden chair, you hand him a small yet friendly smile, “Well then. What of us now? Two ex-assassins alone in the world. With nothing but our wit and fists to keep us afloat.” You add with a low chuckle, he doesn’t crack.
Losing your smile, the two of you keep silent as ghosts for a long moment before Bucky shifts uncomfortably in his seat, “I got some tea.” Replies the admittedly handsome man now since you have a moment to really look; the briefest hint of a grin revealing itself against his lips for only but a flash of a second. But you still see it.
Fumbling with your fingers you give him a pursed lip grin, “I like tea.”
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes x you#the winter soldier x reader#the winter soldier x y/n#the winter soldier#marvel imagine#marvel x you#marvel x reader#marvel x y/n#series rewrite#bucky barnes#tfatws
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ipytm ep 3 (thoughts + spoilers)
this is going to be a tough post for me to do bc honestly...this ep just left me feeling so run down. i know that the cast and crew have always strived for realism and authenticity with this series, but this one was just a lot to take in :/ my thoughts are gonna be even more all over the place than usual but idec at this point. having to rewatch this ep again is really fucking hard (even harder than itsay ep 4 bc even though that makes my heart ache, i still feel some sense of satisfaction from the development we get...this just leaves me feeling defeated in every way).
you know the drill: not an analysis, just me ranting as usual bc free therapy (and boy do i need it after this one)!! i had so many feelings watching this ep (esp towards teh but what’s new), so here goes.
we begin with the drama students rehearsing for jai’s new play, and the introduction of the plum wine which will be the recurring motif in this whole ep. the use of the plum wine in this also kind of reminds me of how teh initially disliked coconuts until he started falling in love with oh-aew and started to like them instead...i’m guessing that’s the parallel they’re trying to draw with the plum wine comparison in this.
teh’s having a hard time getting into character (which we already know from last ep was always going to be one of the toughest challenges for him as an actor). his character in the play is supposed to have a sex scene, but he’s struggling with this bc he can’t put himself in his character (akin’s) shoes, so jai ends rehearsals early.
jai gives them all logbooks which he basically wants them to treat as diaries where they’ll write everything they feel/learn and hand it back to him (he’ll be the only one reading them). ngl this already had me feeling kind of yikes (esp now as i rewatch this knowing how everything went down) since jai already has inside knowledge about teh’s feelings on his relationship with oh-aew which he can take advantage of :/ more on that later though...
it’s sad to me that so much time has passed since teh’s argument with khim and he's STILL avoiding her. khim was someone that he respected immensely (and was such a great mentor for him) so it just sucks to see that their relationship has deteriorated so much since the first two eps. teh might have had his reconciliation moment with oh-aew last ep, but there’s still a lot that he’s not ready or willing to address yet.
i understand that teh’s just encouraging jai about his work when he tells him to stop having others comment on it, but at the same time, i disagree with him bc i think it IS important to get other peoples’ opinion about your work. how else will you ever be able to see things from other perspectives if you don’t?
anyway, teh tells jai he’s seeing a play, and jai asks teh if he’s bringing oh-aew...the look on teh’s face is telling enough that things aren’t going great between them (at least on his end). this brings us to the logbook scene, where teh’s homework for the day is to write about the similarities and differences between himself and his character in the play. this gets teh to reflect on how he feels his relationship with oh-aew is changing, or specifically, how oh-aew seems to be changing so much that teh feels like he’s becoming someone else entirely...and does that mean that he still loves him the same?
i feel like this is a fairly common issue with people that have been in a relationship for a while (and this is their third year together now), so i understand how teh might start having doubts. it’s nothing that oh-aew’s done, it’s just that sometimes all these small changes can keep mounting up to the point that they feel much bigger than they actually are. oh-aew’s really just doing what everyone else does, which is grow and change as they get older, but teh’s still stuck in the past trying to hold onto what they used to have instead of evolving with oh-aew. the way teh picks at all these little changes of oh-aew does make me think that he’s self-sabotaging himself. he’s just so afraid and insecure that oh-aew will change so much he leaves him, that he has to nitpick at reasons why oh-aew’s the one that’s growing away from him (though when we watch the whole ep we know that that’s not the case at all). it’s like a ‘if i push him away first, then he won’t push me away’ sort of self-defence mechanism. either way, teh’s a constant overthinker...and he’s always been his own biggest enemy since the start, so it makes perfect sense to me that he would do this to himself here too.
i know that they’ve been together for years at this point, so things are not quite as exciting as they used to be, but it hurts to see oh-aew be so happy about getting an A for his class, and teh be so unenthused about it. oh-aew has to basically beg teh to give him attention and praise. remember when teh used to get so worried when oh-aew did badly in chinese class...and now it’s like whatever to him just bc he’s not tutoring him/they’re not in the same major anymore :((( i know it’s prob both bc teh’s still hurting that oh-aew transferred majors, and from seeing oh-aew succeed while he feels like he’s failing, but still...
also, not inviting him to see the play with him bc he thought oh-aew wouldn’t be interested/oh-aew kept falling asleep whenever they saw plays together ;;; i get the reasoning from both povs, but it still is nice to be asked :(
so one thing i have to say about the progression of their relationship here is that i just feel this huge disconnect from last ep and this ep?? i know it’s bc of the time skip (since it’s a year later basically), but to go from the end of ep 2, where they’re promising to love each other forever, and then to teh feeling disillusioned/as though he’s falling out of love with oh-aew basically right after that?? it’s so jarring. i feel like we lose so much with these time skips bc the transition from ep 2 to ep 3 is never really shown, so there’s this lack of flow there. like we’ve skipped a step entirely and something’s missing. this is the disadvantage of only focussing on one year per ep since there’s not enough time to explore as much character and relationship development when we’re only seeing an hour long snippet of an entire year. it just makes things feel superficial since so much of what we should be seeing is missing...and we basically have to fill in all the gaps ourselves.
okay, back to oh-aew ranting to his friends about how he feels like his relationship with teh is fading away bc they don’t have the same interests anymore, but also wondering if that’s just normal for long-term relationships. bless that boy that came to ask oh-aew for his ig :’) at least he knows that he’s wanted and has options, even if he obv turns him down bc of teh (for now).
plug and mangpong are dating!!!!!!! and mangpong does a horrible job of trying to hide it 😂 sidenote, but i love the way pp delivers lines sometimes (like the “just shocked”), he’s so cute. plug and mangpong’s legs touching...and the wave of nostalgia that came over me (and oh-aew) during that ;;; oh-aew seeing their blossoming relationship would make him reminisce back to his own experience of falling in love with teh...when everything was still so fluttery and new. so when teh texts him about using his car to help jai move, he looks happy. like he wants to rekindle those feelings again too.
that being said, it’s kind of sad to me how even jai shows more interest in oh-aew’s major than teh (when he asks him for his opinion on how to get people interested in his play). oh-aew’s got some good ideas and is more than willing to help (esp since he wants to connect and find a common interest with teh again). also, just bc oh-aew doesn’t want to be an actor anymore doesn’t mean that he’s completely uninterested in it. god, watching this part again hurts bc oh-aew looks so happy and optimistic. he worked so hard to help teh (and jai) only for them to betray him like that. it made me mad originally, but now it just breaks my heart :(
jai’s running acting classes again for his play, and this time it’s a workshop to help them tap into their feelings. it’s like an intimacy exercise where they give one another consent to touch certain body parts. teh is still struggling a lot with this. i think teh craves intimacy, but as he doesn’t feel that connection in his personal life to oh-aew anymore, so it’s difficult for him to draw on his experiences. he can’t even remember the first time he had sex with oh-aew properly anymore. as usual, teh’s too in his own head to just go with the flow and ~feel things (which isn’t new since teh’s had problems with this since itsay), but it’s def something that he’ll need to learn how to do if he wants to become an actor. he’s trying, but the fact that he can’t get to that place makes him feel even more insecure than ever that he might never be able to get there. imo one of the reasons teh works so hard, and is as driven and ambitious as he is, is that he’s afraid that he’ll never be good enough. he puts so much pressure on himself, and the issue with that is that he’ll never be able to live up to his expectations that way.
teh is also very much alone now. oh-aew has his group of friends to talk to about his relationship with teh, but teh just has jai at this point. he’s pushed khim away...and he and oh-aew aren’t communicating effectively (which is also why they’re on SUCH different wavelengths in terms of where their relationship is at), so there’s literally only jai for him to talk to about all his relationship issues. and to me at least, jai seems to have ulterior motives (particularly when you consider that the subject matter of his play is pretty much the same thing that teh’s going through rn). it’s times like this when i do feel kind of bad for teh, but then again, he brought this upon himself the way that he almost always does...and it leaves me frustrated instead.
jai kissing his professor though...also their conversation?? i have QUESTIONS...
that whole interaction with teh when jai catches him spying on him and the professor was SO awkward. idk what it is about teh but i have never encountered a character that has given me as much secondhand embarrassment as he does. when he starts touching the bars and avoiding eye contact i just- why, teh why?????
moving on, i’m thinking there’s prob more to that scene that we don’t know about bc jai’s shifty like that...but it’s purpose is also to shift teh’s perception of jai. before this, he pretty much just saw jai as his friend and mentor, but seeing him kiss someone else pushes him to think of jai in another less platonic light. like the first spark of attraction.
the both of them go to see the mime show (babymime), and i know that the point of this is so teh can learn to just feel and let go the way that the mimes in this play do, but idk it’s just kind of funny to me the contrast between the last scene and this one.
the leg touching scene again but this time with teh and jai...thanks, i hate it :///
teh’s already feeling like he and oh-aew’s interests are making them drift apart, so by connecting with jai, it’s that initial feeling of attraction that he used to feel with oh-aew all those years ago. jai is that cool senior that he respects...he’s goal-oriented and has so much in common with him (in a way that he feels that oh-aew doesn’t anymore), so it doesn’t altogether surprise me that teh latches onto jai in this way. esp when all their conversations revolve around what teh’s most passionate about, and what dreams they’re striving towards in the future.
it doesn’t surprise me bc teh’s affections shifted in a similar way from tarn to oh-aew when he was first starting to realise his feelings for oh-aew too (though at least he and tarn were never officially dating during that time...)
there’s a genuineness to the way teh praises and encourages jai that isn’t there when he’s doing the same to oh-aew :( and that coupled with teh lying to oh-aew about him having dinner with jai while oh-aew is at home, completely oblivious, painstakingly photoshopping his boyfriend’s face on the poster of the play TO HELP TEH instead of doing his own uni work, makes me so fucking upset for oh-aew.
it’s interesting to see how different their personalities are even when it comes to something as simple as the way they read their texts. oh-aew is so ready to accept whatever teh tells him at face value, but teh overthinks everything to the point where he jumps to a certain conclusion in his head about it instead.
but yeah, it’s just really tough to see oh-aew try so hard for teh, only to see teh do nothing back for oh-aew in return. there’s only so much one side can give. it’s the absolute lack of effort on teh’s part to even try to make things work with oh-aew that is the most frustrating thing of all. oh-aew is carrying their entire relationship rn and it makes me feel all “and for what?? why should he even bother??” about it.
sneaking to sit at the river with jai is like this forbidden, new experience, so it just enhances that feeling of attraction that teh is already feeling towards jai. and esp when he starts telling him about his previous relationship with james, the significance of the plum wine, and how jai ended up breaking up with him. since it’s reflective of teh’s own experiences atm (even in how he kind of self-sabotages himself to push people/oh-aew away first), he clearly takes it to heart. and it makes him want to do an even better job since the play is an autobiographical one for jai. not to mention, teh supposedly being the only one that jai told his story to makes him feel ‘special’......and we all know how teh likes feeling as though he’s special to someone. you can see it in how dejected he is when he thinks jai only told him his story bc he wanted him to get into character better, but perks up the moment jai says he actually told him bc teh’s been doing such a good job (and to encourage him). like i mentioned before, teh’s already feeling vulnerable and isolated from everybody else, so hearing any sort of praise (and esp when it’s from someone that he looks up to as much as jai), is going to pull him in.
when they were hiding from the security guard i was like ughhh i know where this is heading and i. don’t. like. it........
the problem is that i know where teh stands on this. like i know that there’s some attraction on his end. but i don’t know where jai stands. is he intentionally manipulating teh’s feelings for his play? is there any sincerity there? i think it’s obvious that he can tell teh is attracted to him from the glance that they share in this scene, but i can’t get a handle on what he actually wants (which i guess is the point of making his character as mysterious as it is but still). and if he can tell, and he doesn’t actually like teh back in that way, it makes the end scene even more yikes imo.
hmmm teh lying in the pool trying to recreate that feeling right before their first kiss when the both of them just let everything go and sank down into the water. that’s how you KNOW the next scene is supposed to be angsty...bc just like how their first underwater kiss had a sense of sadness to it bc they were hiding, their first (on screen) sex scene has that same sense of sadness, only this time it’s bc teh’s using his attraction to jai/his method actor desire to get into character to fuel the sex instead of bc he genuinely just wants to have sex with oh-aew. and if his reasoning for the sex is bc of that, then his task to recreate their first sexual experience will never live up to the actual first time they had sex (when they BOTH wanted it, and there were no other factors involved).
that’s not to say i don’t think teh doesn’t love oh-aew anymore. i think that there HAS to be some level of love still there amidst all of the confusion, but it feels a lot more like he’s testing his love/attraction to oh-aew during this scene (sort of like how he did with tarn in itsay) than a proper ‘love scene’. like he’s trying to reconfirm his feelings, whilst using oh-aew as inspiration for his role at the same time. it makes my heart ache that this is the first love scene we get from them this series, and it’s marred by the context of what we know is going on in teh’s head. like i said, it’s this permeating sadness throughout...and just knowing that oh-aew has absolutely NO IDEA what’s going on with teh and why he suddenly wants to have sex makes it worse. oh-aew’s been trying to make things work, and in his mind, teh spontaneously coming over like this prob makes him think that things are getting better between them since this is also the closest thing to teh showing any sort of initiative to work on their relationship in this ep so far...
and that’s not also taking away how beautifully this whole scene is shot. i’ve always loved the way that teh and oh-aew play and flirt with each other (bkpp’s chemistry is honestly unparalleled!!) so it was nice to see them be kind of playful before they started kissing again (if you ignore how sad this scene really is). i LOVE the inter-splicing between their first time on the beach and the present. the way the score swells, and little moments where you can see their feet and fingers interlocked on the beach. it gives you such a visceral visual (and totally takes me back to itsay days when that sort of imagery was used a lot more). i just hate that since we know the truth, this scene is more uncomfortable than satisfying despite how nicely shot it is.
i wish we got more domestic moments from them. i know their relationship has sort of grown past those initial moments of flirtation, but it truly makes me sad that we don’t get to see more of them as a couple in general in ipytm. moments like this where they’re lying in bed cuddling each other are so few and far between that i always feel like i have to cherish every little fleeting piece of fluff that i can get. even if idek if this can really be called fluff since the context sort of ruins it.
oh-aew’s still got his heart attack bag :’)))
he was soooooo happy when he met up with his friends 😭 but also, how the hell is it possible for teachers to move deadlines up like that. i FEEL that panic... poor oh-aew...
teh’s in rehearsals again and this time he’s wearing his moon shirt which...i do NOT need those ep 3 itsay vibes rn when i was already dreading this last ten minutes with everything i have in me :((( but anyway, jai’s brought plum wine to class and we know that teh doesn’t usually drink, but he does this time. he tells teh that the taste will change over time (it symbolises the ageing of the relationship process), and teh says it’s a pity he won’t get to taste it next time since jai wants to go abroad to study. then teh tells him he’s worked on the acting exercise and wants to try it out with jai, and i feel like we all knew where it was going to go from here.........
they really had to hammer it in with him missing oh-aew’s call too huh :/
as soon as they started the touching/intimacy exercise again i was just waiting for the catch. even on this rewatch i’m still sitting here chanting “don’t do it teh don’t do it” knowing full well that he kisses jai and there’s no changing that. but then when they cut to oh-aew walking up the stairs with the posters and you hear just how much time he’s sacrificed to help teh/jai on this...sacrificing time EVEN NOW just to go over to their uni to give them the posters when he has a presentation due tomorrow that he and his friends still haven’t finished working on...it’s just heartbreaking knowing what he’s going to end up walking in on.
whether it’s itsay or ipytm, teh’s default state is confusion. so while i think that there’s a certain amount of attraction towards jai there of course, i kind of get the feeling that he’s confusing his feelings of connection with jai (bc of their shared interests and passion) with him falling in love with jai. i feel like his attraction to jai reminds him of what it was like when he was first attracted to oh-aew, and since things have changed so much between him and oh-aew, it’s like he wants to recreate and capture that feeling again with jai (which is also why he wears the moon shirt...he wore that during itsay ep 3 beach scene, which was the moment when the attraction really started to burn between him and oh-aew). he can’t feel that same spark with oh-aew anymore, so he transfers his feelings to jai since, at this point in time, he feels closer to jai than anyone else. instead of growing alongside oh-aew, it’s like he’s choosing to revert back to a time when he was happier.
we know that teh has always been the type of person that will act on his impulses when he feels them. that’s WHY it was so hard to watch...bc i knew while watching that last scene, he was never going to restrain himself or put a stop to those feelings bleeding over into action. and esp not when it could benefit him in some way with his acting too.
in the end, it just makes me so devastated for oh-aew. and i really hope that he doesn’t let this go bc he thinks it’s just teh method acting or getting into character or whatever...i know that teh’s feeling a lot of conflicting things rn, but that’s not an excuse. he really fucked this one up.
the thing is, it’s not that i don’t think teh is capable of acting this way (i’ve seen a few people say that this is ooc for him, but it really isn’t? this confusion and impulsiveness has always been a part of his character from the very start...he was always the one that had the most trouble dealing with his feelings out of the two of them), but the time skips don’t do him any favours bc we lose all those moments that take him to what he’s currently feeling. when we don’t have those moments, then it’s a lot harder to sympathise with him. in itsay, bc we always knew how teh got from point a to point b, even if he did frustrating/silly things, i always understood where he was coming from. i always felt for him. i GOT his struggles, which was why i was always able to empathise with what he was going through. in ipytm, he just comes off as unlikeable bc of how superficial his feelings seem (from what we’re being shown on screen at least).
falling out of love with your significant other/starting to feel things for someone else is obv a fairly common experience, so i don’t blame teh for FEELING like this, but it’s how he treats oh-aew throughout this that doesn’t sit right with me. even if you feel like you’re falling out of love with someone, or that they’ve changed since the first time you fell in love with them, you’d think there’d be some motivation to at least TRY to make things work with them before giving up. we never see that from teh at all. instead, he just see him becoming infatuated with jai (so we barely see teh/oh-aew together in the first place). and while i can see now that a lot of this is due to his own insecurities and inadequacies, it’s also just so disrespectful to oh-aew who's the one that we see putting in all this time and effort (it calls back to their whole “don’t give my time to others” scene in itsay bc we see oh-aew giving so much of his time to teh through helping him out with his play, while teh’s giving that time that should be for oh-aew to jai now). no matter his reasoning, watching teh act that way towards oh-aew does make it increasingly hard to root for him. there’s just too big a disparity in how the two of them choose to act and devote their time to their relationship.
what’s frustrating is that in itsay, teh would fuck up but he would always try to make amends with oh-aew in some way. he would always come forward to try to sort things out after...but there’s nothing here. even after their dinner fight in ep 2, it’s OH-AEW that reaches out to him first (even though it’s teh’s fault that they fought in the first place). where’s that boy that dressed up in his old school uniform in order to talk to oh-aew at his school? or made a whole chinese idioms scrapbook for oh-aew? or gave up his uni admission for oh-aew? i understand that characters and motivations change (and he was obv hopped up on his first love with oh-aew at the time), but it’s just really, really sad to see teh keep messing up and not even try to meet oh-aew halfway with this. yes, you can fuck up, but there are only so many times you can keep fucking up before it starts to look more like a pattern of shitty behaviour than a few forgivable missteps.
another issue is that there’s been so much focus on teh and his flaws that a lot of the time oh-aew comes off as a side character to teh’s story. previously, i understood that since teh was grappling with his sexuality. it made sense that his journey was the primary focus of the plot and character development. but i always felt that there was more room to explore oh-aew’s story (and i thought that we would get a lot more of that in ipytm...esp after ep 1), but it just feels like we kind of skimmed past all of oh-aew’s growth and struggles adjusting to bangkok/uni life so we could turn the attention back to teh again. i just hate that we never get to see more of how oh-aew’s changed in teh’s eyes (other than the surface level things like his hair, new car and major), and that we never get to see more of oh-aew’s life when it’s not related to teh in general. i hope that we’ll get more of oh-aew in the last two eps, but i really don’t know what they’ll give us anymore.
at this point, i don’t even want them as endgame anymore given everything that’s happened in the recent ep. and it pains me so much to say that bc teh/oh-aew are so immensely important to me, but they’re just in such different places in life. and teh esp has so much more growing to do (i think i said this last week too? teh...). oh-aew deserves to be with someone that can see his worth as he is (that won’t cheat on him for one!!). i just want him to be with someone that can make him happy. what i wanted most for them out of this was for the two of them to grow to a better place (together and as individuals), and while i still want that for them as individuals, it’s hard for me to want them to be happy together anymore. at least for the time being.
i’m kind of at a loss for how they’re gonna work through this (and i genuinely want oh-aew to be able to explore his options too...particularly with someone that will actually treat him better than teh’s treating him atm). so at this point it’s kind of looking to me like a break up is inevitable? but i do think it’s necessary for both of them rn. i feel so heartbroken about it though...like ipytm is actually making ME go through the breakup...breaking up with all my beloved itsay teh/oh-aew memories :((( anyway, i think a break up is also conveniently the best time to put a time skip tbh...so we’ll see if that does end up happening now in future eps.
this one took such a long time to write up bc i wrote like a quarter of this RIGHT after i finished watching the ep (so you can clearly tell which parts were me right after the ep, and which parts were me after i had some time to sit on what happened 😂), but i thought it was best to take a bit of a break. i didn’t rewatch it again until i calmed down a little and sorted out my thoughts some more (though i know this is still pretty messy). but yeah, i’m still very much interested in watching how they things are going to progress from here...but i can’t deny how sad i’ve been feeling after this.
#i promised you the moon#ipytm#text#i feel like i always need to rewatch ipytm eps bc i'm so HEATED during the first watch#but then by the second one i've usually calmed down so much more#like i obv still have a lot of things that i'm not super happy with (and rewatching this again didn't really bring me joy) but still#i get so invested in itsay/ipytm that sometimes i just gotta take myself out of the situation and go live my life for a bit#i was meant to post this yesterday bc it's been sitting in my drafts for too long but i just woke up (it's 2am) so what better time hah
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The Smell of Plum Blossom Tea Ch 7
Summary: Just like a butterfly wing, a single act of kindness can change the course of the future, it certainly did for MK as a black-furred monkey put out a hand towards him
Rating: Teen and up
Chapter 7: Hero Born From The Shadows
“Selfie!” Mei posed as she took a picture of herself once she won the race.
“Mei!” MK excitedly said as he laid down flat on the ground with his arms raised high.
“MK!” She cheerfully picked him up, “Man that was one wicked race!”
“We almost died,” he weakly said.
“That’s life!” She joked, not understanding he was serious, “now how about we play some Monkey Mech! You can even invite your friend over!”
“Mei, he tried to kill me,” he said once more.
“Okay in that case,” she took out her phone and had an eerie red button right on the screen as she said with a wide smile that promised retribution, “Where does he live?”
“MK WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”
“HAHAHAHAHAHA!!” The trio yelled in laughter at MK's joke.
“I’m not kidding!” He jumped up and down as he carried the staff, “this is the Monkey King Staff! I’ll prove it to you!”
“Okay, how?” Piggy crossed his arms.
“Ummm,” MK held the staff closer to his chest as he began to nervously play with it, when suddenly it retreated inward then suddenly extended all the way to the table Tang and Mei was sitting at and crushed it.
There was a silence as the unbelievable just happen then Tang wildly sputtered out.
“HUBABABABABA Monkey King staff!” He rushed over to MK arm that was carrying the staff and held it up high, “I knew it all along! It is the legendary staff that was used to seal away evil!” Then he paused as he realized the implications and looked to MK, “wait a minute, why do you have it?”
“Okay I’ll bite, if the staff is here, where is the Demon punk now?” Pigsy questioned as he was still iffy on this entire thing.
“He’s at the shoe store,” Mei cheerily stated.
“What?” They all walk to Mei with her phone out.
“This better not be one of your dog videos.” He can’t even tell how many times she shoved that phone in his face when she was coping at that drooling menace.
“Ha! There’s always time for a puppy video, but no he’s trending,” she showed them a picture of a large Bull demon and a familiar flame head boy, “like #DemonBullKing.”
“Holy shit, this ain’t no joke,” Pigsy jaw dropped.
“What do we do?” Tang hesitantly asked
“…I have to go to Flower Fruit Mountain,” they all turned to look at MK. “If the only one who was able to stop the Demon Bull King was Monkey King then I need to go there.”
“Are you hearing yourself?” Pigsy stomped over to him, “we’re talking about a mountain that is surrounded by fuck tons of dangers. Have you not heard of the flaming mountains? It’s the reason why no one has been able to get close to the mountain in the first place?”
“Then what are we supposed to do?!” MK took a step forward, “Monkey King is the only one who is able to stop Bull King back then and the only one now.”
Mei opened her mouth to say something, but decided to close it and just wait.
“Kid look I know this is all a bit scary, but why do you think that you have to do this?”
“Well I have the staff and I can carry it, for some reason,” he whispered the last part then he put on a more determined face, “but more importantly someone needs to.”
Pigsy stared him down as the boy did the same, then the pig demon sighed as he picked up his car keys “Everyone go to the car, it seems we’re taking a trip.”
“Yes!/Roadtrip!/Flower Fruit Mountain!” The trio of humans all cheered as they made their way out, though Mei did slow her steps so that she could match MK.
“So when is Mackie getting here,” she abruptly said.
“Huh?”
“I mean he must have definitely heard your screams by now and I’m not even including the sounds of terror that everyone must be doing right now. We both know that he would already be on his way,” she added.
“Oh, um actually funny thing. He is currently not anywhere near the city right now,” he wilted at Mei’s dumbfounded look.
“What.”
“Yeahhhh he had a call for a medical emergency and he is kinda days away from here,” he scratched the back of his neck.
“Oh my god, talk about bad timing,” she dragged her hand over her face, “well you should definitely call him and let him know what’s up.”
“…you know, I was thinking that maybe, and hear me out here, maybe we don’t call him,” he squeaked out.
“MK I love you like a brother, but what kind of nonsense are you saying,” she stopped the two of them and put her hands on his shoulder. “We’re talking about the same crazy brain worry of an immortal demon monkey that would fret over every last injury if you let him and you're telling me you're not even gonna say anything?!”
“I mean we can wait until he gets back, I just don’t want to bother him when he’s working.”
“But it’s even worse when you don’t say anything! MK you have to-,” she was cut off by Pigsy yells.
“Hurry it up you two! Fate of the world and everything!”
“Oh well looks like we got to go,” MK hurried out of her grasp and quickly went to the car.
“This is not over!” She yelled as she chased after him.
“Lalala! I can’t hear you!”
“Save it for the road,” the pig demon called out.
“Where exactly are we going anyway?” Tang asked, “Can’t exactly get to Flower Fruit mountain by car.”
“I know a guy who can help us out, he is one of the meanest, toughest demons that I have ever met. If anyone can help us get there it’s him.”
Pigsy was lying on the ground in total defeat as everyone was all sitting in Sandy's living room as the big bad demon happily talked about some of his relaxing hobbies and activities.
“He sure is tough,” Tang smirked as he sipped his tea.
“Shut up,” moaned the demon.
Sandy stopped in the middle of his talk when he felt a small tap on his hip as the small pigtail girl began to beg with glistening eyes.
“Oh great Sandy sir, we could really use your help getting to Flower Fruit mountain,” she clasped her hands together.
MK quickly joined her as he went on his knees and began to plead, “please, the fate of the world depends on it.”
“Okay,” he nonchalantly said.
“Really/That was easy,” both teenagers questioned.
“Anything for Pigsy and Mac. I can get you there, but it ain’t a pleasant trip.”
“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” They cheered as they jumped around, but stopped in midair as what he said fully hit them. “Wait, you know Dad/Fuzzbutt?”
“Yeah, we have tea together sometimes,” the gentle giant smiled.
“Dad has a tea time buddy?” MK blinked a few times.
“Honestly not the most surprising thing about him,” Mei added. “He regularly hangs with Ní when he wants to take a nap.”
“…I hope they're going to be okay,” MK said as he thought back to all of the animals, creatures, and demons living in the forest. “I’m a bit worried.”
The twenty year old girl snorted, “I’m not, have you seen them? They can tear down groves of trees because they couldn’t share their favorite tree.”
“True,” not only the demons or creatures, but also the animals know how to put up a fight. He even once saw a chipmunk bite off the finger of a hunter before.
“Besides they have BaBa and ain’t no thing or demon is going through her,” she said in complete certainty.
“Yeahhh, she's pretty awesome.”
“Alright let’s get moving,” Sandy said as the two talked to one another. Then he looked towards Pigsy, “I’m telling you now old friend, if things get hairy I’m not the same demon as I was before. I don’t go around picking fights.”
“…ahhh, things have changed haven’t they,” he sighed, “We seriously need to have a talk later.”
“Speaking of talk, has anyone told Macaque about this?” The historian raised his eyebrow.
The two stop short as the pig demon slightly blanches as he whispers out loud, “hold shit, Mac is gonna kill me for bringing his kids into this.”
“Don’t think like that,” Sandy tried to comfort him, “I’m sure that he will be perfectly reasonable about all of this once we explain what went down.”
“Oh he’s not gonna kill us,” Tang said as he slowly began to get color back on his skin.
“Yeah, you're right-.”
“He’s gonna kill the Demon Bull King,” he bluntly said.
“…,” Pigsy had no words for that.
“Oh yeah, yeah he might be a tad bit angrier with him,” Sandy nodded. “Well let’s get this show on the road, Mo initiate the launch sequence!”
“Launch?!” They all questioned as they saw a blue bat leap up from his shoulder and next to the wheel where a big red button was and the car happily pressed it.
Everyone was startled as the whole ship began to shake and various noises rang out, they all ran outside to see that the ship was now supporting a few new features, one of them being three large turbo boosters.
“Onwards to Flower Fruit mountain!” Sandy called out as then the ship took out in a flash as they sped across the ocean.
“Oh yeahhhh!”
“Thank you so much for your help,” the Panda demon bowed lowly as the rest of his students did the same, “without your aid, I feared they all may have not survived.”
“Yeah, I thought that I was holding Yama's hands for a second there,” a crane, one of the students, joked.
“Just try not to take on anymore poisonous elephant demons for a bit, I rather not have to come back here and do this all over again,” Mac said as he adjusted his hold on his bag.
“Oh believe me, we won’t,” a tiger demon nodded.
“Whatever happened to him anyway?” a hippo student asked.
“He won’t be bothering us anymore,” they all look down to see the sheep demon smile at her friend’s serenely.
“W-what does that mean?”
“He won’t be bothering us anymore,” she repeated herself with the same tone.
“I’m not touching that with a ten foot pole,” the tiger muttered under his breath.
“I still can’t believe that people still think that’s she the harmless one,” a large dark wolf said as the rest of them nodded.
“It’s kinda hilarious,” the monkey smirked, he still remembered walking in on her, when he used to make deliveries, and saw her standing on top of a pile of unconscious demons. “Well, I have to head out now.”
“I wish you safe travels on your journey back,” Po smiled.
“Thanks, hopefully my kiddos didn’t get into too much trouble.”
“Have some faith in them, I’m sure they are just fine.”
“AHHH!” They all screamed as they scattered away from the fireball heading towards them.
Luckily, both MK and Mei managed to nimbly land on their feet despite the surprise attack, Pigsy was less than lucky as he fell on his back.
“Pigsy!” They yelled out and helped him up.
“Hahaha,” the wind demon lightly chuckled as she held out her hand, “I’ll be taking that staff now.”
The teenagers got into position as they glared at her, “this belongs to the Monkey King, there is no way you’ll take it!”
“Awww, playing to be a hero, sorry to disappoint but playtime is over.”
Mei and MK looked at one another and without words being shared they split off onto either side running.
“Kids!” Pigsy worriedly cried out as he tried to follow after them, but was stopped by a burst of lava emerging from the cracks.
“Aww, cute,” Princess Iron Fan smirked as she kept her eyes solely on the staff, “you think you stand a chance.” Then her eyes widened as she felt a small aura behind her and she quickly used the wind to push it back, it did little as she dodged a blow to her head.
“Ha! You call that wind? I know a vulture that can easily surpass that for her morning fly,” Mei mocked as she began to swipe at the demon with her sword.
“Little girl, you know not of what-,” she quickly dropped down as she felt a small gust of wind aimed towards her and she was only grateful that she did as she saw that Sun Wukong staff was aimed at her head.
“Don't you dare underestimate us!” MK yelled out as he backed up.
“You little-!” She winced as she felt a blow to her side.
“Should have kept your eyes on me bitch,” Mei grinned as she drew her glowing sword back and went for another.
“That’s enough,” she calmly said, though if one were to look carefully they would see that her fists were curled up in a ball as her eyes glowed a dull red. She then held out her hand, which transformed into the same glove that removed the staff, to block the staff aimed towards her.
“What?” That was all MK could say before he was blown back far away past the mountain.
“AHHHHHHHH!”
“No MK!” Mei screamed with tears in her eyes, not noticing a certain demon freeze up at the name, as she attempted to follow her brother.
“Mei, we got to go,” Pigsy choked out as he rushed to her and picked her up to run as the teenager struggled over his shoulder. “I’m sorry kid.”
Princess Iron Fan was silent as she looked to the two mortals running away from her then to the ocean where she blew the child mortal away. She said nothing as she tightly gripped the staff in hand then vanished away, she needed to go to her husband after all.
The boat was silent as it gently floated along the ocean as the remaining occupants tried to swallow what just happened.
“I’m sorry MK,” Pigsy whispered out as he looked down to the clear water, he didn’t even flinch when a familiar hand touched his shoulder.
“Pigsy,” Sandy quietly said.
“There was nothing we could do,” Tang said with his back turned.
“Nothing? Nothing! I could have done something!” Pigsy marched over to the human with rage as he grabbed his shoulder to see Tang's sorrowful face, “I could have-I should have protected MK! I made a promise to not only Mac but to myself that I would! And now…,” he trailed off as his whole body went slack and let go of his scarf. “It’s over, there is nothing we can do.”
“It’s not over,” he turned up with tears in his eyes to look at his friend, “MK may be lost, but we can make sure no more lives are lost. Make sure that his sacrifice wasn’t in vain.”
Pigsy could only nod as he wiped the tears in his eyes as Sandy put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“Someone has to pay,” the trio looked over to Mei who hadn’t said a word till now. “Someone has to fight.”
“Mei?”
She quickly wiped her face as she continued with her backs to them, “that demon bitch is going to,” she turned around with a forced smile on her face as they all felt an ominous presence among them as lighting and thunder roared in fury, “pay.”
They all nodded as a determination filled them all as they mentally and physically got prepared for the battle arising.
Mei looked out to the ocean once more and gripped the rails tightly.
‘I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you MK, but I’ll make damn sure we’ll end this. This is for you…by the gods how am I gonna tell Makkie?’
“Ugghhh,” MK moaned out as he slowly came to consciousness, he felt two furry hands in his hair even with his eyes still closed. “Just five more minutes Dad.”
“Ooo?”
His eyes snap open as he realized that this wasn’t his Dad as he awoke to a white furred monkey standing on top of his stomach, “uhh hi?”
The monkey tilts his head.
MK gives a small smile as he remembers the times when a monkey back home would climb onto him, “this feels familiar.”
The monkey eyes then glint as several more appear with the same glint.
His face falls, “nevermind this seems more familiar,” he says as he quickly rolls over from the monkeys’ attack and stands up.
All of them looked over to him and it looked like they were about to give chase before they paused and tilted their head as they recognized a familiar smell on him, but then they saw him stand up so that thought exited quickly as they all scurried off.
“I swear, what is with monkeys and my hair,” he grumbled as he then turned to see the ocean in front of him with the volcanic plain just bordering.
“Wha-gha!” He clutched his head as memories of what happened travel all throughout his head. “Right, that…where am-,” he cut himself off as he turned around to see a beautiful mountain towering above him.
“Flower Fruit mountain.”
He gazed at it for a few moments before he got his hearing back and began to rush to the mountain.
“Hello! Monkey King!? You in here!?” He called out as he stepped into the magical cave inside the magic waterfall, which also held magical drawings that came to life. “Can really use your help? Things aren’t looking good!”
He stopped as he waited for an answer, but as he stood there, nothing replied back. It was only him and a small house in front of him.
“GHA!” He kicked over a rock in frustration as he began to look around. He was not about to give up that easily though he did pause when a small butterfly approached him and landed on his nose. “At least someone here,” he jokingly said with a small smile.
“Yep I am!” It replied.
“AH!” He screamed as he flailed his arms at the unexpected response.
“Yes yes it is I,” the butterfly said once more as it fluttered to the ground, “the great monkey-oof!”
“Is it dead?” He questioned as he slowly lifted his foot, he was not about to take any chances, especially not with what happened last time he met with a small talking bug. He and Tang can still feel the icky grossness crawling up their spines, they can never unfeel what has been felt.
Then the bug began to glow.
“What??”
It grew bigger, its form was fluid as it didn’t take shape at first, but then it transformed into a hawk then it soared high and landed as it tiger then the tiger began to stand on its legs as it transformed into a bear until finally, it transformed one last time into a monkey.
A very familiar monkey.
The first thought that entered MK's head when he saw the monkey was that he was taller than he expected him to be. In fact, he even thinks that he’s taller than his Dad.
The second thought was acknowledging that the Monkey King was standing right before him.
“Yep the one and only,” he stood tall as he looked around the room. “Sooo, where’s my staff?” He took a step back when he saw the kid's eyes well up with tears.
“I am so sorry!” He began his rant as he tried to explain what happened and how he messed up royally when he heard laughter.
“Look kid, I have to come clean,” he looked up to see that the Monkey King was kneeling as he put his hand on his shoulder. “I’ve been kinda watching you.”
“Huh?” Then his eyes widen as he remembers all the times he has seen the strange occurrences appear. “Wait what?!”
“Pfft! The look on your face is perfect!” He laughed out loud.
“Perfect for what?!” He was making absolutely no sense right now.
“To be my successor!” He started with a deep voice as he crossed both his arms.
“Uhhh what have you been drinking? Are you sure you’re the Monkey King? I think you may have a brief stint with insanity due to the isolation. I have some herbal remedies that can help with that,” he poked and prodded at the monkey. He felt a tail wrap around him and place him down, he had to stop the sudden urge of twisting the tail hard to let him go, he still remembers all the times Dad did it to him during training. He flew so high up.
“Listen kid, you fought demons and you didn’t die,” he casually said as he opened a bag of chips. “And you made it here, not anyone can lift my staff, but you did.”
“But what about DBK?” He urged him.
“Pfft, what about him,” he summoned his cloud as he laid on it while eating said chips, “you can handle it.”
A small part of MK really wanted to throttle the Monkey King at that moment, but his desperation and anxiety outweighed his irritation as he stumbled upon his words, “but I-I can’t…ahhh.”
This made the monkey pause and he gave an exaggerated sigh as he walked over to the kid and put a comforting hand on his shoulder, “look if you can lift the staff you can use it. Just believe in yourself, even a smidge makes all the difference.”
MK looked up at him and gave a small smile, he may not have the best self-esteem, but he damn well is not gonna stop.
“Now then,” he dramatically began, “the staff was taken from you, take it back.”
MK's smile then turned into a wide toothy grin, “alright.”
Wukong gave a smile to his new successor, but something in the back of his mind nagged him that MK grin reminded of someone, but he can’t quite put his finger on it.
“Ughhhh,” laid a collapsed Red Son as he groaned in pain at the jet impact.
Everyone else was in shocked silence as they watch MK slowly crawl out of the wreckage.
“Man, that was worse than the time we tried swinging from the vines for the first time.”
“MK!” Mei rushed over to him and gave him the tightest hug, “I thought you were-you know and I saw you blast off in the fire, but you are here and alive! I am so glad I don’t have to tell fuzzbutt about your death. Wait, how'd you get a jet? Wait! Is Monkey King here?!”
“Well no, he said it’s up to me…us,” he smiled slightly at her.
“Well that was anticlimactic and sorta stupid,” she muttered the last part under her breath. Then they all felt the earth shake beneath them and looked up to see an oversized Demon Bull King.
“And how are we meant to fight that?” Tang incredulously called out the question on everyone's minds.
The teenager looked at the towering menace and back to his hands and gripped it tight as he pulled his hair into a tighter ponytail, “we believe in ourselves.”
BOOM!
The ground shook once more.
“…somehow.”
“A jet would have been nice right about now,” she mused as she kicked the pile of rubble. Then out of it slowly emerged a smaller, but still very cool looking, motorcycle.
“That will work!” He said as he hopped on the bike.
“Go get him buddy!” She cheered for him and he gave a quick nod before zooming off, leaving the rest of them behind.
“You know how I said before about Mac killing us and the Bull King,” Tang suddenly said.
“Wait what?” Mei raised an eyebrow at the absurd topic.
“Yeahhh?” Pigsy drawled out.
“Well I think we can safely assume that the Monkey King is now on that list.”
“Oh yeah/Most definitely,” both pink and blue demons respectively said as the pigtailed teenager couldn’t help but laugh.
“Fuccck that hurts,” he moaned out as he attempted to free himself from the rubble.
“You thought you could defeat me!” The Bull King laughed as he made his way towards the mortal. “I will not let a little thief take victory from my grasp.”
MK, who was panicking, quickly tried to find ways out of this, but then he heard a faint noise and looked up to see the arcade sign slightly glowing.
“Just believe in yourself, even a smidge makes all the difference,” he couldn’t help but think back to the Monkey King’s words, but there was also another.
“It will be hard, no doubt.” He heard his father's voice echo through his mind as the pain slowly subsided, “and at times it may seem like the whole world is against you, but know that you still have tomorrow waiting for you. So keep your head held high and look towards the stars, cause that right there is your limit starlight.”
And he does, he is looking past the arcade sign and looks towards the stars that make the faintest appearance among the darkening sky.
Only one thought was clear in his mind when those words combined as he slammed his staff down.
‘I can do this.’
Then an amalgamation of parts from various buildings, streets, and other places began to structure itself together to make a red and gold mech suit with a violet headband and cape.
“It’s time for your family to be brought to justice,” MK yelled out as he pushed the mech forward as he dived bomb down to the demon. “Here comes Monkie Kid!”
The giant staff impacted the demon with a loud burst of energy and sound.
BOOOOOMMMMM!
BOOOOOMMMMM!
Six ears suddenly perked up at the unexpected noise as the owner of said ears' eyes widened as that was coming from the same direction he was heading.
He picked up his pace.
“And I was all like, ‘I have to finish this once and for all’ and I started glowing!” MK excitedly said as he gobbled down another bowl of noodles.
“And then what!” Tang and Mei excitedly asked.
“And I cut a building in half and dropped it on him!”
“Coool!”
“I still can’t believe that happened,” Pigsy snorted as he ate his bowl, “scratch that I can’t believe that all of this happened.”
“I can, it just happened in front of our eyes,” Sandy joked.
“Seeing is believing…I guess,” he threw his hands in the air as he winced as he felt a sharp pain, “fuck.”
“Are you okay?” Tang had noticed Pigsy winces and went over to his side to examine.
“It’s nothing,” he muttered as he tried to focus on anything except the warm hands against his neck.
Sandy didn’t comment on just how fast Tang shot to the pig demon side and instead stood up, “I’m going to look behind back, you still keep your bandages underneath the second drawer?”
“Yeah, but I think I ran out,” he answered, “used it up when some maniac decided to throw water over the counter in a fit of anger and landed right on the handle of a boiling pot of water.”
“Yikes, well I can see what I can find.”
“You know at times like these I wish Mac was here,” Tang said as both Mei and MK nodded.
Boom
Everyone then jumped up at the sound of the door slamming open and turned to see the one and only Macaque looking at all of them with shock.
“What in the hell happened?!” He almost screamed out as when he first walked into the city he could hear the sounds of screams and destruction emitting everywhere. The scenery was no better as buildings collapsed, streets were uprooted, and people were all hiding or unconscious in various states. He rushed over to find his kid's heartbeat and then sighed in relief as he heard their voices and booked it over to them as fast as he could. Though before he could say anything else as he looked at their disbelieved, bruised, but still very much alive appearance before he could let a smile form, his eyes happened to lock onto a familiar bo staff in his son's hand.
“What the fuck?” He whispered out.
“Guess what Dad! I met the Monkey King!” MK excitedly said as he waved the staff around excitedly.
“What the fuck?” He said a little bit louder.
“And I’m the Monkey King successor!” He added on not knowing that the sentence almost gave Macaque psychic damage at the sheer revelation.
The monkey could only stare as he felt his eye twitch, he then took a deep breath to calm himself down, it did not work as well as he hoped. “What in the actual fuck did I miss?”
“Oh yeah, so the city totally got terrorized by the Demon Bull King and his family after the staff was pulled out, so we kicked some ass and MK here saved the day,” Mei proudly stated.
He can almost feel a migraine coming on as he began to rummage through his bag and brought out rolls of gauzes and various small bottles, “okay first, all of you sit your asses down and let me check the damage, and once that shit is over, you will tell me the what the fuck went down when I get a drink.”
“Plum Tea?” MK said.
“Gonna need something a little more stronger than that for this can of bullshit,” he whispered to himself. “By the gods what the actual fuck Wukong?”
“What you say?” Tang asked.
“I said sit your asses down!”
“Dad we’re all f-”
“Just by a glance I can see that some of you are suffering from some second degree burns, lacerations, bruises, and all types of other shit. So you either sit your asses down so I can fix you up or I will knock you unconscious and take it from there,” he threatened.
They all immediately sat down, even Sandy who plopped himself on the floor.
“I swear, can’t even leave for two weeks without shit happening,” he grumbled as he made multiple shadow clones to help make the process faster.
The moon shone high in the sky as many people were laid to rest. Some wounded, some crying, some joyful, some mourning, and some dead. No one still knew exactly what happened, but those thoughts could wait until tomorrow. For now, after the terror and agony they all suffered, it was time to close their eyes and let the nightmares encompass them or a blank passage of nothingness if they're lucky.
The same was said for the ones who helped stop the malicious terror that had once plagued the city, they all lay sleeping in a cozy apartment living room.
Sandy was happily snoring on the floor with Mo as he then was slightly lifted to place a pillow underneath him and a blanket draped over as well.
Tang and Pigsy were snuggled next to each other on the couch, with the pig demon head tucked underneath the human head, as another blanket dropped from above.
Finally, the youngest was curled up with one another, Mei having one arm around MK’s shoulder, leaning against the couch. Their loose blanket was brought back up as it was meticulously tucked then two furry hands softly ruffled both of their heads as they only slightly shifted.
Macaque looked at them with only sheer fondness as he fixed them up. Then his eyes narrowed and couldn't help but linger on their neatly wrapped bandages on both them and everyone else.
He made his way to the window.
“What happened today will not happen again,” the Bull King growled out as his body slowly healed itself. He is still not back to full strength yet, even when his powers had increased tremendously due to the no staff. After all, one couldn’t easily rise from the grave in full health without the assistance of miracle medicine.
“Of course it won’t, we were merely…unprepared after all,” Princess Iron Fan said as she silently stirred her drink. “You have just woken up from imprisonment.”
“Imprisonment heh, that is one way to say that damnation,” he huffed.
“But next time we will be prepared father,” Red Son confidently said.
“Hmph,” he grunted out as his mind was still racing as he thought back to the small mortal boy, “who was that little thief who claims to be the successor of Sun Wukong?” He snarled the last part out.
“Oh he is just a noodle boy who got lucky,” the flame demon huffed as the wind demon stayed silent.
“Well that luck seems to let him wield the staff, so there is some truth in his foul words. Either way, while he is no threat, he is a nuisance and you know what we do with pests” he stood up and his shadow seemed to grow in intensity with each and every word he spoke.
“We crush them,” the boy grinned savagely.
“Under our feet,” he stomped his large hoof in emphasis.
“Yeah, I have a bit of a problem with that,” a voice rang out and before anyone could react, the Bull King was suddenly pinned down by a large violet one-eyed form that emerged from his shadows.
“What is this!?” He yelled out as he struggled to break free, but it proved to be tough as his injuries weren’t fully healed.
“Father!” Red Son began to rush over but was stopped by his own shadow as well. “How dare you! Get your peasant hands off of me!”
Princess Iron Fan, the only one still free, barely reacted as a form from her own shadow began to come out, but instead of capturing her, it turned around to face them all.
“I was too naive to think it was merely a coincidence,” she sighed as the shadowy form revealed itself a very familiar simian face.
“Hey Flicker, Raki,” Macaque casually said to Red Son and Iron Fan as his eyes glinted a hostile violet, “it seems that we need to talk.”
“Six-Eared Macaque!” DBK stilled his movements, no matter how much the urge to break free, as he looked to the medicine monkey, “what treachery has overcome you that you dare make a move against us?”
Red Son couldn’t say a word as he looked at the demon, instead, his eyes were blasted open wide in confusion.
“Usually nothing,” he shrugged as he took a step towards them, “I don’t get up all in your shit when you swing by for some medicine and you don’t short change me.”
“It would be foolish,” Iron Fan said as she set down her cup with a small clink.
“Tell that to some demons,” he said as he took another step forward, “usually you guys are no problem, but now you became a problem.”
“You never interfered with our plans before, what makes this time so different,” he spat out.
“When you attacked my kids,” he bluntly stated with a snarl on his lips as his eyes glowed a bit brighter.
This stilled both father and son, but not the mother who pinched her nose.
“I was afraid of that.”
“You should be,” he sneered out as the shadows all around grew in intensity as they crawled up the walls leaving the area there in almost total darkness.
“Wait kids?! Do you mean noodle boy and biker girl?” Red Son asked as he flinched as the eyes locked onto him.
“MK and Mei, I know I told you about them plenty of times,” he drawled out.
“I didn’t realize they were the same ones,” he horrifyingly whispered out.
“Apparently not many do, so here’s what’s gonna happen,” he said with an even tone, “unless they have attacked you first, you will not lay a fucking hand on either of them, cause if you do, well I won’t be very…kind,” his voice echoed throughout the caves. “Do we have a deal?”
“Deal,” the Queen said first.
“Deal,” the Prince agreed next.
“…Deal,” the King lowly said.
“Good,” the shadows vanished in a poof and both Bull King and Red Son were freed and the cavern walls were once again illuminated by the soft glow of light, “I’m glad we can come to an agreement.”
“Will you still supply us?” She asked as she got down to business, he may have just threatened them, but he is currently the only demon nearby, and most experienced, with not only knowledge of medicine, but can acquire precious materials.
“Same charge,” he waved off as he began to walk away, “and Flicker, Sandy really?”
“It didn’t occur to me he was there until after I attacked,” he winced as he voiced his embarrassment, he didn’t notice his therapist was there until all was said and done. He should probably be grateful that Sandy usually goes with the flow, else he really would be screwed.
“Good luck on the next session,” he smirked, “Also, Daiyu wants a spar sometime, she misses having to fight against a fire demon,” he said. Daiyu has some issues going on in her mind, but that ain’t any of his business. He absolutely does not want to know what goes on in there.
Red Son blinks momentarily as she stands up straight and begins to boast, “As if she can hold her own against me! Tell her I will meet her in due time and she best be prepared.”
“Will do,” and like that he merged back with the shadows and vanished from sight.
“So what do we do now mother, father?” He looked towards both of his parents.
“We will honor the deal we made,” Iron Fan stated.
“Of course,” he didn’t even have to think to agree with that, even without the deal he still wouldn’t have attacked anything Macaque had claimed.
“And we will get stronger,” DBK finished as he stood up and began to walk away. He had no trifles with the Six Eared Macaque, even now when he wishes to wrap his hands against the monkey's throat for his words against him and his own, but he won’t. The two may have strict business relations, though the same can’t be said for his son and wife who seems to be on more…friendlier terms with him, he has a smidge of respect for the medicine monkey. He has heard the tales, both myth and reality, and he can acknowledge that the demon strove to his power through sheer cunning and wit, even if he had to stick to the shadows to achieve that.
So no, he will not go against the monkey deal, he has more integrity than that, but he will not show mercy if those mortals attempt to go against him.
“We will be unstoppable,” Red Son grinned as he made his way to his workshop. He had some inventions he’s been meaning to build.
Princess Iron Fan silently watched both her husband and son go in opposite directions. She gave a small sigh as she picked her cup back up and held it into her hands.
“It seems that the winds have changed once more, I wonder which direction it will blow.” She asked herself as she took a sip of her tea, then she scrunched up her nose at just how cold it was.
Oh yeah, I’ve been keeping the two of their reveal in my back pocket for this moment XD Props to anyone who may have figured it out along the way!
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Lucky - Jisoo
request: Please can you write some fluff/angst where Jisoo finds out her girlfriend used to have a bp stan account and had Chaeyoung as her bias so Jisoo gets jealous/insecure and starts acting differently? Thank you!!!
i kinda went another way but it still has the same gist, really ! only that the reader didn’t have a stan account hehe
p.s. i have received the requests for rosé and jennie but i will be doing a lisa request first since i haven’t put one out for her yet but i am still accepting requests atm
You would like to consider yourself lucky. You were currently in a very happy and healthy relationship with someone who you share an effortlessly rock-solid bond with. Someone who appreciated you for you and prioritized you over everything else. Your friends would always point out how smitten you both were but you never did pay it no mind – they could only wish to have a love as resilient and fun.
Oh yeah, and the person in question? Kim Jisoo. One of Korea’s most sought-after idols.
No big deal. Adding the fact that you were a fan before getting into a relationship with her, you would say lucky is an understatement.
If it wasn’t for your close friendship with Soojoo (who is one of Jisoo’s best friends in the industry) and your persistence to be introduced to the girls of Blackpink, you wouldn’t be where you are today. It took the right timing and the decision to come over at Soojoo’s apartment, only to find out she already had a certain guest over, for fate to lay a hand. Though your constant flirting also definitely helped create a permanent spot for you on Jisoo’s mind.
It wasn’t everyday someone had the guts to flirt with her and usually when someone did, she never had any trouble turning them down. She had bigger and better things to focus on: her career and her Blinks. She had no time for silly relationships at her young age, especially since they were at their peak, but there was something about you that kept her coming back.
That was over a year ago and the relationship that you both have built still leaves everybody in awe. You give majority of the credit to Jisoo who knew exactly how to handle you. She dealt with everything with a maturity you could only wish to have. Although you’d like to think it was already rubbing off on you. Something that your parents will forever be grateful to Jisoo for.
Your girlfriend carried with her a very laid back and goofy disposition. You’ve always admired how calm she was during times when you’d expect the exact opposite and loved her ability to bring comfort to those who weren’t, especially to her own members. Even her fans noticed how caring and protective she became when needed. You always chalked it up to her being the eldest in the group and feeling the need to be the one stable thread that kept everyone together. She was always the strong one when everything seemed to be falling apart.
But this also meant not a lot of people get to see Jisoo the way you do. Because with you, she allows herself to completely break down the walls she surrounds herself with when she’s at work. Gone is the Kim Jisoo of the biggest girl group in the world. All you were left with was Jisoo – your girlfriend.
The first time you saw Jisoo cry was a turning point in your relationship.
You and Jisoo were lounging on your couch on one of her few days off. Both of you were directing your attention to the documentary playing on the TV when you all of a sudden hear sniffles coming from your right. You immediately face the girl you have been seeing for a few months and see her fixing her gaze on her lap whilst she played with her fingers. Her eyes glazed with a glassy layer of tears. As she blinked, they dripped from her eyelids and slid down her cheeks. She bit her lip tightly in attempt to hide any sound that wanted to escape from her mouth
“Jisoo?” you hesitated. At this point, your mind was going wild with the probable reasons why she was suddenly upset. Your brain cogs turning trying to remember if you did anything wrong or maybe she was going to break things off. Of course, she was too busy and didn’t have time for a relationship. Why did you even think this would work out?
“Y/N…” Jisoo’s eyes moved slower and always more down-cast, skimming the floor, rarely raising to eye level as more tears started to fall. It was in her voice too, quieter, with a meekness that wasn't usually part of her speech patter. This was very unlike the Jisoo you were used to. She was sad in a way you hadn't seen before. She brought her hand to intertwine yours together, taking a deep breathe to calm herself.
“Talk to me,” you whispered. “You never have to be afraid to open up to me.”
It was this that made Jisoo’s tears burst forth like water from a dam, spilling down her face. The muscles of her chin trembled like a small child and it took everything in you not to start crying too. It was not the time.
“I’m just tired,” she mumbled. “There’s been a lot of stress about the album process being delayed again and everyone is just so drained.” she leaned backwards, letting her head fall on the back of the couch and closing her eyes. “I’m so tired.” she emphasized, wiping her tears. You let her cry for a few more minutes waiting until she calms down as you put your arms around her shoulder.
“I will never understand firsthand what that feels like as an artist to go through that but I want you and the girls to know that so many people believe in you,” you consoled. “This is what you guys have been waiting for and you deserve it and more. The process was never gonna be easy but I know that you all love what you do and it will all be worth it because of that and your fans.”
She let out a shaky sigh before turning to face you. She studied your face silently for a second before giving you a small smile. “Thank you. I honestly went to see you tonight because I didn’t wanna be upset in front of the girls. Not right now when they’re all feeling really down too.”
She leaned forward to wrap her arms around you in a hug. “You’re my safe place.”
Before you, Jisoo didn’t think she could ever find a soul, aside from her members, that would ever understand the things that brought her pain.
To be the one Jisoo was able to turn to during her toughest moments was a badge of honor you would gladly wear everyday for the rest of your life.
Right now, you joined the Blackpink girls in their dorm chatting over some chicken and soju. You were all on your fourth bottle and you could sense how tipsy Rosé was becoming, but you knew Jennie and Lisa weren’t too far off either.
“I think its so funny how Y/N was annoying Soojoo to introduce her to us and now she’s practically married to Jisoo unnie,” Jennie giggled, raising the shot glass to her mouth.
Both Rosé and Lisa apparently thought this was the funniest thing ever because they laughed their little hearts silly.
“Oh my god!” Rosé squealed. “I was your bias remember?”
You hid your face on your hands as you shook your head, “Jesus, you’re super drunk.”
“Still doesn’t change the fact I was your bias!” Rosé laughed, putting her head on your shoulder.
“Yah, unnie, look!” Lisa slapped Jisoo’s shoulders, staring at her wildly. “Rosé is trying to steal your girl.” she pointed towards the both of you.
Jisoo only raised an eyebrow towards you before giving Lisa a smile but you knew Jisoo well enough now to differentiate a real smile from a fake one and that did not look genuine at all. Before you could scoot over to your girlfriend, Jennie decided to dig your hole a little deeper.
“I never knew that before Y/N. Why Rosie?” Jennie glared. “Why not me?”
“Yeah! Tell us!” Rosé exclaimed clapping her hands.
And that started a round of chants asking you to tell them the reason.
“Just tell them, babe.” you hear your girlfriend say. You look at her searching for signs not to but she only nodded in encouragement. You knew she was only doing so to appease her wasted members.
“I…I don’t know,” you stammered, looking at everyone. “She just caught my attention, I guess. That was way before I knew you guys though and what you were like. Everything is different now.”
“Well duh, you’re like in love with Jisoo unnie now,” Rosé drunkenly whispered.
You smiled at her words pulling Jisoo closer to you, “That I am.”
•
It was around 3AM when you and Jisoo arrived at your apartment after putting the drunk girls to bed. You and Jisoo decided to spend the night together since it had been weeks since you saw each other. You’ve noticed how quiet Jisoo had been after the whole Rosé being your bias thing and you couldn’t help but worry and wonder why. You’ve caught her in moments of reflection for the rest of the night before remembering where she was and trying to act normal.
You were in bed when you find her uncharacteristically quiet and staring up at the ceiling.
“I know you’re not okay,” you deadpanned, laying on your side to face her. “What’s on your mind?”
“It’s stupid,” she sighed as the words slowly made its way out of her mouth.
“You know I would never invalidate your feelings, right?” you questioned, reaching up to caress her cheek.
“Why me?” she said quietly. “I always asked myself that when we first started dating. Whenever Soojoo mentioned you, she would always talk about your obsession with Chaeyoung and we’d both laugh about it. When I first met you and you started showing interest, I thought you were only using me to get closer to Chaeyoung.” she laughed but you could sense no humor behind it.
You wanted to interject and tell her how wrong she was but you sensed she had more to say.
“So, I put you in arm’s length because of that. I didn’t think you had the best intentions towards me. It was okay at first until I really started to get attached to you too and I thought ‘great, I like someone who is probably into Chaeyoung’. Chaeyoung was your type and I couldn’t be more different from her. I was so confused and didn’t know what your deal was. I started to get really scared when I realized you had to meet the girls.” she recounted. “I was scared that you’d start to like her for real and that she was what you were after all along. I felt lost and confused, but at the same time happy and certain that I really wanted things with you to work out.”
She turned to face you for the first time since she started talking, “I was wrong. You had the most genuine intentions towards me and you proved that time and time again. I guess that tonight, that irrational fear just crawled back to me like a shadow of what I used to feel and that freaked me out.”
After that, you slipped off the blankets and got on top of her, grabbing her face and bringing it closer to yours. “You are the best thing to ever happen to me, Kim Jisoo. I fucking mean that, you know that, right? The moment we met, we clicked, you know that. You were all I could think about the moment I step foot out of Soojoo’s apartment. The only reason Rosie was my bias was because I didn’t know any better. I literally knew jack shit about you guys but the more I got to know you, the more I knew I wanted to be with you. It was never about Blackpink, it was about me getting to know another human being that I adored and respected.”
You were looking down at her probably looking at her like the sun came out of her ass but Jisoo wasn’t complaining. “You curse a lot, you know?” she giggled.
You rolled your eyes, “I come up with that great speech and you choose to talk about a couple curses.”
She leaned up and pressed your lips together.
“You’ve never failed to make me feel that, Y/N. Thank you for putting up with me when I get bouts of insecurity and doubt.” she smiled. “You know I’ll do the same for you too.”
“Yeah, you’re gonna be doing that a lot more for me because you guys are only going up from here,” you pouted. “I’ll have more people to compete with especially with your new drama coming. Your male lead better watch out, whoever he is.” you scoffed.
“There’s no competition in the first place,” she flicked your forehead. “And if there was, it would be a no brainer to know who would win.”
You smirked from above her, “Sure win?”
She crinkled her nose at how corny you were but gave you the biggest smile nonetheless, “You know it, babe.”
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Star crossed lovers (au)
pairings: poppy x mc (bea)
warnings: throughout this fic (there will be a bunch of parts to it) there will be mentions of substance abuse, homophobia, sexual abuse, violence, NSFW, mentions of abandonment, depression and death including suicide
reader discretion is advised
(this chapter is more about setting up the basis of the story so is more context than anything else, part 2 will be more interesting I swear 😭, also it’s like 4am so if there’s any gramatical mistakes I’ll fix it later)
taglist: @somewillwin @save-me-the-last-dance @baexpoppy @cloud9in @simpforpoppy @ognenniyvolk (I’m pretty sure this is my tag list if you wanna be added or taken off for future chapters just ask 😊)
word count: 3.6k
Part 1: The introduction
As the sun began to set, the houses along the street began to bask in its warm glow. The neighbourhood is quiet, like always, excluding the occasional car engine rumbling through the roads until they disappear into the distance and once again the silence is deafening. This neighbourhood was your typical suburban type, their structures stood tall and bold. Looking from an aerial point of view, one could argue that it’s almost like the houses have been copied and pasted along the street, they almost look perfect. One theory is that they were purposely made to look like they're perfect because they don’t want anyone to find out their secrets. It’s harder to catch a true glimpse when everything looks flawless.
If you compare the northside and the southside of Greensburg, it makes it seem like they’re living in two different worlds and maybe they are. The polarisation between the rich and the poor only becomes bigger, demonstrated by the high socio-economic backgrounds of those who lived in the north who go to the best schools, have the best jobs and sometimes own more than one house. Compared to those in a low socio economic background in the south, who usually have to work two jobs just to feel some sort of financial stability in their lives or have no choice but to indulge in illegal jobs just so they can feel some sort of power and superiority and have money of course. Only a few in the south are able to lead a straight and narrow life and successfully do it without having to engage in the culture of illegal activities.
Bea Hughes, a girl who lives in Greensburg is someone who managed to immerse herself in both worlds. She used to be part of the upper class lifestyle but after life fucked her and her family over at the tender age of 8 years old, she was pulled into another world, one that she quickly had to acquaint herself with, because in the south, survival matters. The luxuries she once knew as a kid had disappeared and she constantly lived in a fight or flight situation. Now as her senior year of high school looms ahead, she finds herself still living in a similar situation, but instead of dealing with gangs or her addict of a mother, she had to deal with stuck up rich kids in Greensburg’s most prestigious school, Belvoire, which may have been her toughest obstacle of all. Against all odds, Bea managed to earn a scholarship at this private school when she was 15, and in order to keep her place, she has to maintain a 4.0 GPA, join at least one extra curricular activity and immerse herself into the culture of the school (whatever that meant).
Even though life managed to be shitty most of the time, there was one constant, one thing that made life worth living, one thing that made her the happiest…
“Crap”, the brunette clung onto the branch of the tree trying to regain her footing after narrowly avoiding her death (or more likely a trip to the hospital). After recovering from her mild slip, she rapped on the window beside her and a few seconds later the window slides open and as she enters the room she trips up on her own feet landing face down on the floor.
“Real smooth”
Bea chuckles at the snark comment as she looks up and as the sunlight shines through the window, it highlights all the features of the other girl. She was shorter than Bea (although not in this moment since Bea was practically laying on the floor), her facial features were sharp and her strawberry blonde hair fell perfectly around her shoulders. Her plush pink lips were curled up in a small smile as she offered a hand to the girl to help her up.
“I totally meant to do that” Bea takes her hand and lifts herself off the floor, and after she quickly dusts herself off and grabs the blonde’s wrist pulling her towards her while her other hand settles on her waist. “So how much time do we have?”
The petite girl wounds her arms around the taller girl’s neck and slightly tip toes to whisper, “my dad has dinner with a bunch of investors so he’s not going to be back until midnight”. A huge smile appears on her face as she leans back slightly taking in the appraising look of the brunette.
“Perfect”.
Bea moves in to kiss the blonde, passion already igniting as their tongues tangle in a fight for dominance until Bea suddenly pulls away, foreheads touching, eyes blazing with desire as she whispers against the other girl’s lips, “I missed you Pops”.
The other girl rolls her eyes and unwinds her arms from Bea’s neck, slightly pushing her back and while maintaining eye contact she walks backwards towards the bed and sits on the edge, “shuttup, you literally saw me yesterday” her tone attempting to come across as catty but instead comes out in a more playful manner.
Bea raises an eyebrow as she saunters to where the girl is sitting and places two fingers under the girl’s chin lifting her face until their eyes meet, “so? I’m suddenly not allowed to miss my girlfriend?” She leans in, her lips ghosts around the blonde’s lips.
“You talk too much, come on we’re wasting daylight” the blonde grabs Bea’s shirt and pulls her down onto the bed with her as they tussle in the sheets, lips crashing against one another reigniting the same passion from the kiss before.
“Poppy..” Bea all but moans when Poppy places wet kisses along her jawline and begins biting at her neck. Not wanting her to have all the fun, Bea suddenly flips Poppy over pressing her deeper into the mattress as she ravenously kisses her, as if Poppy is the only one who can satiate her desire, and honestly speaking? She probably is.
“No more foreplay, I want you now” Poppy breathlessly says, breaking the heated kiss. Bea sits up to straddle Poppy, intertwining both hands with hers and places it above the blonde’s head and grinds on her hips earning a low groan from Poppy.
“Ask and you shall receive my queen”
In response, Poppy rolls her eyes and her tongue darts out of her mouth, teasingly moving against her own soft lips and as Bea leans in for another kiss her slender fingers move lightly above Poppy’s inner thigh, touching everywhere except where Poppy wanted her the most. After a few pleads from the blonde, Bea finally indulges her desires and they moved in perfect syncopation.
…..
After a while, Bea and Poppy collapse into each other’s arms, exhausted but satisfied recovering from their physically demanding rendezvous. Bea lays on her back with one arm behind her head and one arm wrapped around the petite girl who fit perfectly in her larger frame. Poppy relaxes her head on Bea’s chest, feeling lulled by her heartbeat which brings her a sense of calm and security. Bea softly kisses her forehead and looks down at the girl, entranced by her beauty, enrapturing the way her breaths are slightly longer and deeper than usual, the way her hair falls around her face and how her fingers subconsciously ghost around Bea’s stomach drawing lazy shapes.
Poppy Min Sinclair, a 5’2 blonde beauty who is Bea’s entire world. Everything about her screams perfection in Bea’s eyes. She’s a straight A student, captain of the cheerleading team, and likes to spend time volunteering at her local animal shelter and is secretly an amazing artist. Though her family was one of the richest families in Greensburg, Poppy wasn’t your average highschool rich girl. Though she would often go on regular shopping sprees and refuse to wear anything that wasn’t designer (unless it was Bea’s clothes), she never treated Bea any differently than how others would. She was a bright girl, who was loving, friendly, fierce when she needed to be and extremely loyal. When it was just her and Bea she could show her true self, not pretend to be someone she’s not or play a certain role, she could just simply be Poppy instead of Poppy Min Sinclair. Poppy often felt the gravity that came with her name, especially since that’s all her father pressured her to be, a Min Sinclair.
Hayden Min Sinclair, Poppy’s father, owned an entire empire of companies, differentiating from technology based businesses to architecture and finance. To say he was a businessman was putting it lightly, he was almost like a god or at least someone who was highly worshipped by business moguls. He built up his family’s name and within a decade he was a force to be reckoned with. Hayden Min Sinclair worked his ass off to lift his companies off the ground because as a person of colour he knew he would have to work 10x harder to get what he wanted. All he ever wants is life for his daughter to be easy, the irony is, that he’s one of the main reasons why it’s so hard.
He’s a man of honour and pride and has never expected anything less from his daughter, hoping she would keep the dignity attached to the Min Sinclair name and bring it to new heights. So his traditionalist and conservative views means that he’s expecting Poppy to marry a man, who’s also an aristocrat, in which Bea is 0 for 2 for Poppy’s father’s expectations. Hence, Bea and Poppy have to keep their relationship a secret, a way to protect both Poppy and her future but also Bea from Mr Min Sinclair’s wrath. Reputation means everything to the Min Sinclairs and to Mr Min Sinclair specifically, especially after Poppy’s mother passed away when Poppy was 10 after an unfortunate incident of a drunken hit and run which left Poppy permanently broken from the loss of her mother but had all the socialites gossiping about the tragedy for months. To this day Poppy and her father still mourn her loss and Poppy often turns to Bea for comfort, for her companionship could provide the means of making her forget the empty presence of her mother that was left behind.
They’d known each other since they were 7, when Bea used to live in the very same neighbourhood after the Min Sinclair’s moved into the neighbourhood, and they spent almost every waking hour together, attached by the hip. They were the best of friends and almost nothing could get in their way. Emphasis on the ‘almost’.
When Bea’s father left Bea’s mother, Isabella when Bea was 8 and her sister Aria was 2, after finding out that Aria wasn’t his child as a result of a one night stand Isabella had, Bea’s family struggled to afford to live in the neighborhood especially since Bea’s father was the breadwinner of the house and their main source of income. After a series of bad decisions resulting in Bea’s mother losing her job as a banker, the 3 girls were forced to move to the south of Greensburg since it was the only thing they could afford.
Bea and Poppy were still inseparable at this point, either Bea would take 2 buses to go to Poppy’s house or Poppy would call the family’s driver so she could go over the Bea’s. The breaking point for their friendship was the day when Bea’s mother once took the girls to the park when they were 11 and after she had gotten so intoxicated to the point she threw up in front of all the children, and Poppy’s father prohibited Poppy from seeing Bea again.
“That girl and her family will bring shame to our family’s name, imagine what your mother would say” Poppy can still hear her father’s words ringing in her head from time to time, but everytime she looks at Bea, all her expectations would disappear and she would just simply be happy.
They began dating when they were 14, after Poppy had managed to scrounge up all her courage to kiss Bea on valentine’s day, after the two girls had snuck away to a diner to hang out like they would usually do. Poppy looked as if she was going to pass out from embarrassment when Bea didn’t reciprocate the kiss at first, however in Bea’s defence she was more startled than anything else. When Poppy was about to apologise Bea moved in and gave Poppy a sweet and chaste kiss on the lips and from then they decided they would be together. Bea couldn’t believe her luck when she was able to call Poppy hers, she felt like she didn’t have much to offer Poppy as she had yet to have earned the scholarship to Belvoire, the same school that Poppy had been attending. As well as coming from a troubled family life she didn’t want to implicate Poppy in any way but staying away from her had proven to be too difficult.
The consequences of their forbidden love was much harder on her than it was on Poppy, still nevertheless she would do anything for Poppy, which was proven time and time again when they have to act like strangers at school. In spite of that, the stolen glances, the stolen moments, the stolen kisses, it made it all worth it.
“Are you ready for school tomorrow” Poppy’s soft voice vibrated against Bea’s chest.
Bea lets out a soft chuckle, “What do you think Pops? I’m the school’s lonely girl”
Bea’s reputation at Belvoire could not be worse, in a school filled with entitled brats, it was difficult for her to make any friends considering her economic background. She also couldn’t rely on Poppy and her popularity since she couldn’t be within any vicinity of the girl she loves. Bea and Poppy’s friends had a history of not getting along, and since Poppy couldn’t allow the true nature of her relationship with Bea to come to light, Bea had to deal with all sorts of harassment and bullying from them. Bea often had to remind herself that she was only a target because with money comes a lot of entitlement, especially from snobby teenagers. Moreover, the consequences of her mother’s actions also didn’t help Bea as the stories followed her everywhere, causing all sorts of rumours to spread like wildfire.
Poppy lifted her head slightly to look into Bea’s eyes, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant it’s the last year of highschool, that means one last chance for us to win nationals and for you to come on top for volleyball.”
As mentioned beforehand, the extra curricular Bea chose to partake in was volleyball, not only did being part of a winning sports team look good on a college application, it also helped Bea with releasing her pent up anger and dominating her competition. Her favourite thing in particular was the smaller group of cheerleaders, including Poppy, who were at every game after Poppy made a compelling argument to the principle about the importance of raising school spirit in all sport related inquiries. Bea would often steal a glimpse at Poppy, who always came up with extra dance moves and cheers, sending secret messages that she was rooting for her girlfriend.
“One more year of highschool, do you know what that means Pops?” Bea smiled devilishly at Poppy who returned the smile and leaned her face in, lips ghosting around Bea’s.
“Why don’t you remind me?”
Bea grabbed the blonde’s waist and stole a quick kiss, “One more year means that next year we’ll both be in New York, and we can finally be together for real”.
“I can’t wait to live off campus with you, we should start looking at places now so we can get ahead and find a good place sin-” Bea cuts her off with a kiss while Poppy smiles, “I hate when you interrupt me with kisses”
“No you don’t”
“You’re right I don’t, but you better not slack this year Bea Hughes otherwise I’ll beat your ass if you don’t get into Columbia”
“I would never, I’m literally a better student than you babe. I would say you shouldn’t slack either but we all know daddy’s going to help you get into NYU.”
Poppy playfully slaps Bea on the arm who just laughs, “hey, no way in hell am I going to use the Min Sinclair name like that, when” (she made sure to put extra emphasis as she spoke) “I get into NYU it will be because of how amazing and talented I am”
“Not to mention damn right gorgeous and smart and incredibly flexible”
Poppy moves to straddle Bea, hands on either side of her head and she leans in, “hmm, you think the admission office will be looking at those particular things?” her tone teasing and inviting.
Bea attempts to move her head up only for Poppy to quickly place her perfectly manicured hand around her neck and push her down, Bea’s eyes flash as her voice pulsates with desire, “well I’ll definitely be looking, for educational reasons of course”
Poppy breaks out into a wide grin as the girls share a passionate kiss, tongues tangled together as they fight for dominance, Bea tries to envelop Poppy’s entire mouth with her kiss but Poppy’s unrelenting perseverance pushes through as she tightens the grip around Bea’s neck, pushing her deeper into the mattress. Bea succumbs to Poppy’s kisses and allows the blonde’s tongue to explore the inside of her mouth, getting lost in the wave of pleasure that emanates from Poppy’s lips.
After a few more kisses, Bea looks at the digital clock sitting on top of Poppy’s dresser, “damn it’s getting late I should go”
“Wha- it’s barely 10 o’clock”, Poppy pouts as her eyebrows furrow slightly.
“I know” Bea places a hand on Poppy’s face gently brushing against her cheekbone, “but you need your 8 hours of sleep and I gotta make sure everything is ready for Aria tomorrow”.
Poppy sighs defeatedly as she knows how important Bea’s half sister is to her, she’s practically an older sister to Aria and is also incredibly protective of her too. “Well tell Aria I said hi”
Bea moves to stand and Poppy grabs her hand, “wait, you didn’t tell me, how’s your mom?”
Bea nonchalantly shrugged and gazed at the floor, “same old, same old, she drinks herself into oblivion not giving a shit about the rest of us”
Poppy rubbed comforting circles on Bea’s hand, “don’t worry Bea one day it will get better”
Bea lets out a humourless laugh, “I’ve been saying that for almost 10 years”
She stalks over to the window and lets half of her body hang out ready to reach out to the tree, Poppy moves over and gives Bea one last lingering kiss, “You know you can use the front door, my dad’s not here”
“Yeah I know but it’s always so awkward when I run into Rita at this time because she knows that I’m screwing you”, Bea smiles while Poppy raises an eyebrow
“Screwing me?”
“Sorry I meant making love to you” she gives Poppy a quick kiss
“Much better, and anyways Rita doesn’t care, she’s been rooting for us this entire time”
“It’s okay, don’t worry P, I’ve been climbing in and out of these windows and over that gate for years, how else do you think I got these muscles”, she flexes her toned arms while Poppy runs a hand over them, “I love you”
“I love you too”, Poppy watches as Bea moves out of the window, gripping the tree and making her descent, “wait” she shouts down, “where did you leave your bike?”
Bea smiles up at her, “I parked it a couple of blocks away from here it’s fine, I’ll text you when I get home” she blows a kiss to Poppy and begins making her way over the gate and into the street which shone bright from the lampposts. Poppy sighs and closes her window and begins getting ready for bed until a knock at her door catches her attention. Rita, her nanny and keeper enters the room and looks at Poppy with a knowing glance, ‘Bea didn’t want to stay for dinner?’
Poppy laughs slightly and shakes her head, “no she had to get home to make sure her sister is okay”
Rita leaves a plate with a few cucumber and cheese sandwiches on the dresser, “don’t stay up too late Miss Min Sinclair,” and with that she gives a little wave and leaves the room closing the door behind her. After eating half of her sandwich and going through her extensive nighttime routine, she receives a text from Bea
💖 B
Just got home now
Love you and goodnight my love
Poppy smiles at her phone and then sets her phone on her dresser, not before putting it on charge, and drifts off to sleep.
Bea on the other hand was wide awake. When she safely parked her motorbike near her house and texted Poppy as she entered the house. She looked up from her phone into the dark room to see the tv quietly playing while her mother was passed out on the couch with a half drunk bottle of vodka on the table. She moved towards the couch covering her mom with a blanket and then went into her bedroom to check on her sister who was soundly sleeping in her bed. Bea headed into the kitchen took some cold pizza from the fridge and did some last minutes checks to make sure both her and her sister were equipped and ready for school tomorrow. She settled in her bed, her mind racing with thoughts about school and how challenging the first day back will be.
read part 2:
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If You Just Realize [Finale]
Part Fifteen: Watching Over Us
Summary: Irina’s letter bodes well for Sebastian and his growing family. Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader Word Count: 1945 Series Warnings: Death, angst, sadness. Lots of creative licensing, I’m sure. Chapter Warnings: Post-death grief/feels, custody issues, pregnancy. Square Filled: This entire series will fill my realized feelings square for @marvelfluffbingo. A/N: I’ve much enjoyed writing this series, and I hope all of you enjoy reading it! The tag list is open; requests to be added can be done so here. There are bits and pieces of Romanian throughout the series, mostly from Google Translate and the few things I’ve picked up as I learn the language.
Also, I don’t know why I’ve never mentioned it before, but a huge song inspiration for the title of this fic (and some chapter titles) is Realize by Colbie Caillat.
Thank you so much to everyone who read, reblogged, replied, allofthethings, for this fic! I’m very proud of it and have loved writing and sharing this story with you. Your support means the world! Keep your eyes open for a new series announcement coming Sunday! ;)
Series Masterlist
Y/N —
Well, here’s a letter I never dreamed of writing. Having Milena, though, it’s changed everything. I look at my previous little girl and I want to give her the world. I’ve brought her into a scary world, and without a father to boot. I know, though, that she will have no shortage of family, love, and opportunities.
Thank God for my brother. Sebastian is a good man. I’m a better person for being his little sister. Being a mama on my own seems so much more possible with my family, especially him. I know that my baby girl will always have that father-figure in her life with him around. Can you just imagine him walking her down the aisle one day? She’s such a tiny thing now, but I can picture it perfectly in my head.
Part of protecting my daughter is making sure she is taken care of in the event that something happens to me. No shortage of family and love means there will be no shortage of people taking care of her, but I want it to be Sebastian. He’s going to think I’m crazy. My parents might not even understand. But I know, with every fiber of my being, that he is the best option to raise her if I’m not around. I can’t explain it beyond that — I just know. He will get her through my absence, get her through the toughest times in life. He will give her all of the love in the world.
Which is why I’m writing you. I’m honestly not sure who will have a harder time if something happens to me, Milena or Seb. You’re his best friend, and I can only pray that the two of you maintain that friendship — not for the benefit of this potential situation, but for his sake and yours. I can tell you now that I secretly hope the two of you will see the love you have for each other and let that come to fruition. Either way, Y/N, you have to be the one to guide him through all of this. He will be grieving, may not know the ins and outs of parenting, especially of parenting a little girl … have to admit, I’m laughing to myself thinking about him trying to do her hair or pick out outfits for her. He’ll figure it out, on his own or not, but I know the best choice for my brother, in so many ways, is you.
I’m having all of the legal documents sent to you, as well. You’ll be in a better place to handle all of this and make sense of it to Sebastian. He’ll handle my parents, but only if he’s in a good place. Help him find that good place. Please.
Whatever happens with the two of you … take care of each other. Take care of my little girl. Take care of Mom and Dad. I’ll be watching out for you.
— Irina
Philip set the letter to the side. Y/N had read it aloud to Sebastian when she first opened it, and they had read it countless times together, but hearing Philip read it aloud with all four of the grandparents present made the emotion new and raw. Even Tim and Anthony were brought to tears by the words. After a box of tissues was passed around, Philip continued.
“The legal documents sent have all been endorsed — they’re legitimate. I spoke with the lawyer Irina had draw everything up and put in charge of sending the letter and the papers out. News of her death didn’t reach him quite the way it was supposed to, which delayed everything being mailed, and then they sat in Los Angeles for a while, of course. She’s included copies of everything we need: Conor’s rights being signed away, copies of the emails they exchanged leading up to that, a last will and testament appointing complete guardianship to both Sebastian and Y/N. I know we want to avoid a hearing, so I’ll present these to the court, and we’ll go from there. I don’t see, though, with all of this, how anyone could give Conor any part in custody of Milena, including visitations.”
Alice sniffled. “We have told Conor that we won’t take part in his case. We love our son, but he has to face the consequences of his initial decision.”
Sebastian nodded his gratitude. “We’d like to make sure all of the grandparents are included on visitations in the final papers, but Y/N and I want to adopt her. We want to make her officially ours.”
“And everyone is in support of that?” Philip asked.
All four grandparents nodded their agreement, with enthusiasm and without hesitation. Philip explained the process going forward, promised to do his best to keep it out of the courtroom, and sent them on their way.
The remaining days that Milena was with Conor, Y/N and Sebastian worked to put the final details of her birthday party together. They visited the breeder and put a deposit on a puppy they could pick up on Milena’s birthday to surprise her with at her party. Y/N washed her bedding and found a couple more things to decorate with, and Sebastian worked on putting together the swings they had invested in but hadn’t gotten to setting up yet.
After that, there was nothing left to do but wait. With thirty-six hours to go, they decided it was okay to go out for a date night. They hadn’t been able to since they had opened up about their feelings and decided to make a real go of things, so they took the opportunity and went to dinner and a movie.
“I had a good time tonight,” Y/N said, leaning on his shoulder while they waited for the movie to start.
Sebastian smiled and kissed her forehead. “We’re only halfway through the evening, Bright Eyes.”
She shrugged. “I know, but I’m with you. That’s all I need.”
“Me too,” he agreed, hooking a finger under her chin to bring her lips to his as the lights in the theater began to dim.
By the time Milena’s birthday came around, life had fallen into a pleasant routine. The adoption wouldn’t be final for a couple of months, but that was more to do with court timelines than anything; one week with a little girl processing her mother’s death and a lot of other changes in a short time had been enough for Conor to know that parenting was not something he could handle. He dropped his end of the custody battle a couple of days later, allowing the family to move forward with their lives unhindered.
Milena’s night terrors continued, but were becoming less and less frequent. She was still seeing the psychologist once a week, and that seemed to be helping. She had even had an overnight with Georgeta and Anthony without any mishaps.
Sebastian left around lunchtime to go pick up Milena’s puppy, leaving the girls home to put the finishing touches on party decorations and make sure everything else was in order. Milena was in her birthday outfit, her hair was secured in a cute, curly ponytail, and she was jumping around like she’d already eaten an entire pan of cupcakes.
“Is it time yet, tanti?” she asked Y/N for the millionth time that day. [Tanti = Auntie]
Y/N chuckled and scooped Milena up in her arms. “Not yet, princess. Very soon, though.”
Milena groaned. “Can I call Gramma Alice and Bunica and ask when they’re coming?”
“You can call Gramma and Grampa,” Y/N offered, dialing the number and putting it on speaker before handing the phone to the now-three-year-old.
Thirty minutes later, all of the grandparents had arrived. They grinned at the little girl dancing around and showing them everything that was set up for the party. While Milena was kept busy, Y/N checked her watch and realized Sebastian should have been back by now. Frowning, she found her phone and stepped outside to call him.
“I’m just pulling up to the house, babe,” he answered.
She looked up and spotted him, so she smiled and waved. She waited there, anxious to get her hands on that puppy.
“Two puppies?” she exclaimed when Sebastian approached with a puppy in each hand. He carefully handed her a black and tan one, its little tail wagging faster than a hummingbird’s wings.
Sebastian kissed her hello, then stepped back. “I saw how you were eyeing that one when we put the down payment on Milena’s puppy. No reason both of my girls shouldn’t have a puppy.”
Y/N held the little creature close, tears welling in her eyes. “She’s so precious!”
“Why are you crying?” Sebastian chuckled, pulling her to his chest and kissing her again. “I didn’t know you’d be this excited!”
“I am excited,” she sniffled, “but it could also be the baby.”
Sebastian nodded, then his eyes went wide. “Baby?”
Y/N giggled through her tears. “I was gonna wait to tell you — found out at my doctor’s appointment the other day. I wasn’t expecting it at all, since it was just a yearly check-up, but since you and I haven’t been preventing anything, they wanted a test and it came back positive. I was going to wait to get through the party before I told you …”
Sebastian set down the puppy that was in his arms and grabbed up his wife, tears flooding his own eyes now. “I can’t believe this — I can’t … I can’t form words.”
Y/N grinned and wrapped her free arm around his neck. “You don’t think it’s too soon?”
He shook his head, taking her face in his hands. “From the moment I realized how long I’ve been in love with you, I knew we had a lot of time to make up for. I’d say we’re right on track.”
“Me too,” she grinned. “Let’s not tell everyone yet though, okay? One shock at a time.”
Sebastian nodded his agreement and looked around for the puppy he had set down. He was just corralling the little thing when Milena came out to the porch and saw what her Uncle Seb had brought home.
“Puppies!” she squealed clapping her hands and running toward Sebastian. “Can we keep them?”
“This one is yours,” Sebastian told her, handing the puppy over and guiding her on how to hold it safely. “Happy birthday, munchkin!”
“Thank you!” Milena said before peppering the puppy with kisses and then asking if she could go inside and show her grandparents.
Y/N opened the door with her free hand. “Let’s go!”
Sebastian took the door from her, allowing both girls to go in and show off their new pets. He stood back and let them have their moment. Watching his parents, his wife, his niece, and Alice and Tim, Sebastian felt a moment of sadness. His sister should have been here for all of this. He would always miss her, but the pain of it was still too fresh.
Seeing that Sebastian’s smile had fallen some, Y/N stepped in front of him and wrapped her arms around his middle. He hugged her back.
“She’s watching over us,” Y/N reminded him. “She said so herself.”
He leaned to kiss her. He knew that Y/N was right — after all, he was married to his best friend, would be able to raise his niece the way his sister would have wanted, and had a baby on the way. Without his sister watching over them, he wasn’t so sure all of this wouldn’t have passed him by.
“She did,” Sebastian grinned, “and I’d say today is perfect proof of that.”
AllOfTheThings: @captain-s-rogers @star-spangled-man-with-a-plan @letsgetfuckingsuperwholocked @hurricanerin @horsesandbandsforlife @im-not-an-armrest-im-short @shynara51 @sea040561 @pinknerdpanda @xtina2191 @jackryanplz @beakami @heartsaved @fullprunerebelstatesman @blackwidowismyhomegirl @averyrogers83 @jennmurawski13 @connie326 @auriandthepussicats
IYJR: @elsatxx @tanelle83 @amanda-teaches @etherealwaifgoddess @kmuir1 @ntlmundy @jayankles @rebekahdawkins @denise1605 @rhadigen @peace-love-hobbitness @itsallyscorner @mizzzpink @auspiciousharriet @the-murder-strut-murdered-me @learisa @tellmewhatyouwill @katherinereid @lokilokilokilokilokiloki @itsmycorneroftheinternet @andreagf956 @voltage-my2dlove
#marvelfluffbingo2020#sebastian stan#reader insert#sebastian stan x reader#sebastian x reader#queue and i remember budapest very differently
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so...the last year has been rough. for everyone. but i’ve been lucky in a lot of ways, especially with the people in my life, and i wanted to take a second to thank some people on here. because genuinely, you guys mean so freaking much to me. i’ve had a lot of online friends in my life but none that feel so much like family. these are the people who have carried me through the last year, who’ve made me feel seen and heard and supported me in all my endeavors and just been wonderful to me all around. i love you guys, and happy new year <3
i’m about to get into it now. and i’ll try not to cry too much along the way.
@neshatriumphs nesha, when i say that you’re our fandom mom i mean that you’re my family, i mean that you’re my biggest supporter, my inspiration, my rock, the person who makes me want to be my best self, all the time. i can’t explain to you what your support has meant to me over the years. whether it’s leaving me incredibly kind notes on my fics that make me want to write more just for you, or sending me asks when you know i’m feeling down, or just making me laugh with your hilarious takes, you have always, always been there for me. you’re the toughest person i know and you make me want to keep pushing every day. you’re so incredibly talented; your ideas are just always stunning and inspired and despite being humble about it you’re amazing at everything you do. your art, your writing, your aesthetics, all of it. loeg and share-a-lair were just spectacular and such a show of how complex and original and smart your writing is. barring just your talent you’re also an inspiration in how passionate and kind and dedicated you are. you care for others everywhere you go. you come on here and constantly make me want to be a better person. it’s not just me, either—you’ve taken on the role of helping all of us in any way you can, and you just make us feel loved and supported and give us someone to always look up to. i love you. plain and simple, you’re my family, and i’m so, so grateful to have you in my life.
@juliesdahlias you know when you meet someone younger than you and you’re like how do they have this much talent in their body? and you can’t even be mad about it because you just want to root for them and you want good things for them and you think of them like a little sibling? that’s me around you all. the freaking. time. pearl, i’m constantly blown away by how smart and driven and passionate you are. you have so much talent to offer the world and i love seeing you thrive more than anything. you inspire me every freaking day; i mean, your tiara thief drabbles literally made me pull my fic out of my drafts for the first time in months. every time you post it’s something iconic and beautiful, whether its your fics or your edits or your headcanons. and not just that, but you’re so incredibly supportive of everything i put out there. like with ths, the way you latched on to it and are one of our biggest fans and made content for it literally as soon as we started!! that was amazing!! you’re just such an incredible person in every sense of the word; you’re talented and hilarious and kind and passionate and i love you so so much. i cannot wait to watch you do amazing things because i know you’re gonna be one of the greats. ily.
@ciara-knightly i can’t even put this into words. i’m sitting here trying to say it right and every time i start i just turn into “!!!!!!!!” cause i love you so much. i know i’ve said this before, but shona, you’re honestly like my older sister. this whole year of just, really getting to talk to you beyond tumblr has shown me how honestly kind, passionate, smart, and supportive you are. talking to you is one of my favorite things in the world, whether it’s rambling about tiara thief, or discussing feminism in media, or just getting life advice. you always know what to say to lead me in the right direction and reassure me that things are gonna be okay. i look up to you more than i can tell you; i’m constantly inspired by your talent and your drive. you’re endlessly supportive and you make me laugh all the time, and i hold literally every convo we have close to my chest because it means so much to me to just be able to have them with you. i’ll never be over the fact that you basically discovered jatp, or us talking and making predictions for weeks before it aired, or us plotting out the whole dystopia novel together—which, even though it didn’t really pan out, was such an amazing experience because i got to do it with you. and i absolutely scroll back through our convos on a regular basis to scream over our tiara thief headcanons. everything i’ve done with you has been incredibly fun and meaningful, so what i’m trying to say in this very long winded way is that i’m so, so glad i know you, and i can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me.
@bitchmilsky lizzie, i literally think of you like you’re my little sibling. my weird, crazy, hilarious, incredibly kind and supportive and creative and amazing little sibling. ever since i met you you’ve been nothing but fun and friendly and wonderful to me. your posts never fail to make me laugh and i love seeing whatever you’re up to, even if it’s video games that i understand nothing about. you have so many fun ideas and you’re so freely yourself, it’s honestly inspiring. the things you make are always adorable and every time we go live together and chat i always have so much fun, and talking and i just want to meet you in person so badly because i know we’d be an amazing, unstoppable duo and that you’d make me laugh until my sides hurt. i’m still waiting on that cross-country road trip. we could roll the windows down and belt our way through the entire hd musical soundtrack, and it would be epic. for real, though, you’re one of my favorite people ever, and i hope this year brings you nothing but fun and good things because that’s what you deserve. i’m sending you a million virtual hugs and also booty shorts that say poggers on the ass. i love you <3
@zackmartn i know i’m gonna start crying right now because i love you so much and i’m trying not to because i just did my makeup but dammit, nikki, i just love you so much. i remember when i first came on here and was afraid to talk to you because i was like “ohmygod she’s so cool she’s the king of this fandom she’s amazing” but i thank god that you reached out to me every day. i honestly can’t imagine my life without you; you’ve been such a presence in it for so long that you’re inseparable from it. even the times i’ve gone on hiatus i’ve been stalking your blog from a distance like “i just wanna know what she’s up to...”. you’re honestly like an older sister to me and you’re one of the people i admire the most; you’ve been through and continue to go through so much and yet every day you come on here and decide to be a freaking light to all of us, to make me smile, to support me literally endlessly. like, the amount of times you’ve driven me to near tears from your reviews of my writing is ridiculous. the freaking umana fan club?? the way ths is one of your top tags??? it’s just...insane and such a show of how boundless your support is. and that’s not even getting into how freaking talented you are!!! i stare at your gifsets all the time!! and your fics like....holy shit you literally created this whole universe that i’m so freaking invested in and is better than literally anything that canon could ever do, and i know i’m honestly terrible at responding to messages but i hope you know you never have to start holding back with me. most of the time when i get stuff you send i have to sit there and get my thoughts together and that takes forever, but i love love love reading it anyway. the way you get excited about the things you love is everything, it’s something that i really really love about you, and i hope you continue to keep that passion and love for everything. and i hope that this year brings you nothing but good things, because you deserve that more than anyone. i love you.
@willexs eliza, babe, i know we joke all the time that we were put on opposite sides of the ocean because we’d be too powerful if we were together but i really think it’s true. imagine us meeting. the universe just wouldn’t be able to handle it; it would implode. listen, you’re literally like my twin, my other half. we have so much in common that it’s honestly ridiculous. we operate on the same brainwave, and every time we talk i’m blown away by how easy it is and i honestly love it so much because i could not have picked a more talented and creative and fun person to work with. writing ths with you has literally been like...one of my favorite writing experiences ever. i can’t believe that it started on such a whim because it’s such an important part of my life now and getting to have you next to me while we figure this whole thing out is honestly the best part. it’s not just all the characters and dynamics we’ve created, it’s the fact that i can send you incoherent ramblings at ungodly hours and you’ll pick them apart, it’s the 3-hour phone calls to make playlists, it’s you always making me feel heard and inspiring me. it’s this like...excitement of building towards something amazing with someone i love. you understand me on this crazy and fundamental level, and sometimes it blows my mind how similar we are and how well you know me without us having even met. i feel like we’re the embodiment of “nobody gets me like you”. and i know i’ve said this before, but i really do think you make me a better writer. i love how you make me laugh, i love that you always have the best takes and i love how talented you are with your incredible adorable art and your fics and your gorgeous edits and i love that we egg each other on and hype each other up. i love that, despite being on opposite sides of the ocean, we’re still best friends. and i love you <3
@cactus-con lou!!!!!! i literally just...ahh i love you so much!! i know i’ve said this before but you were the first person i talked to in this fandom, and you made me feel so freaking welcome. and that has never changed. talking to you is so easy and natural, and you make me feel loved and heard all the time. i love getting to share stuff with you because you always always always hype me up. not just that but like...your talent?? literally unmatched!!! you’re amazing at everything you do it’s ridiculous. i love love love all your artwork, i could stare at it literally all day. you have so much talent and i literally cannot wait to watch you do such great things with it. i just...you’re such a wonderful person to everyone around you. you spread all this love and support and kindness and i think you’re one of the most genuine people i know and i’m so so glad i know you. i hope this year treats you so well because you deserve nothing but good things. i love you. <3
@owenjoyners where do i even start?? brooke, you’re like my other twin. i know i’ve said this before but it’s literally insane to me that we’ve known each other for less than a year because it feels like i’ve known you my whole life. you are such an incredible freaking person. you’re funny and you’re kind and you’re talented and you make me smile every damn day. i love getting post notifs from you because i swear to god i light up every time. your gifsets are always gorgeous, and i’ve watched you learn and improve and you’ve gotten so good, it makes me so happy every time. your art??? you say you’re just starting out but i can’t even tell you how much i love it. your fics!!! you’re good at everything and it’s honestly ridiculous. and it’s not even about your consistently amazing posts, i also just...i love talking to you more than anything, even if we’re just simping over owen together. you make me laugh all the time and you always hype me up; you’ve let me ramble about my fics and helped me get my ideas together, you’ve talked stupid life stuff like school and college with me, and you’ve given me someone to go to whenever i need it. i think of you as one of my best friends and i can’t get over how fast we clicked or how easy it is to talk to you. i need you to come visit me so i can give you so many hugs and we can have a sleepover and talk for literally hours on end. in the meantime, we need to call again sometime because that was honestly so much fun. i love you with all my heart.
and some people i want to say thank you to, because even though we don’t talk as often as i’d like you’re still amazing, and you make me smile all the time, and i love seeing you on my dash or in my notes: @taylorswiftrulestheworld @onplanetmars @dr-rigatoni @swellviews-finest @symphonic-concert @molinasmercer
#nikki tag! 💛#lizzie tag! 💜#nobody gets me like you tag ❣️#nesha tag! 💟#brooke tag! 💙#lou tag! 💚#shona tag! 🌟#heather tag!#otter tag!#jamie tag!#k tag!#faith tag!#monisha tag!#pearl tag! 💖
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drafts... // yjh
to start with: hi everyone again 💕 you can probably tell by the title but sometimes I can’t write shit so I have a bunch of wips/horrible writings that I’ll never finish or just straight up hate -which means I’ll just post them so they can rot away and I never have to look at them again(and no they are not proofread) 🙂
D I S C O N T I N U E D
yoon jeonghan x matchmaker!reader
genre: fluff, humor, angst, strangers-to-lovers?
warnings: cursing
wc: 1.9k
summary: yoon jeonghan- your toughest matchmaking customer yet. flash forward thirteen dates and still insatiable. your only choice is to further investigate the reason behind all his failed attempts....but maybe it’s because he only wants you?
“How was your last date?”
He leans back with a bored sigh. “Uninteresting. She looked like her face was gonna melt with all that makeup on.”
And as much as you were starting to ‘dislike’ his presence here, yoon jeonghan was still your client and a fucking funny one at that.
You press your lips to prevent the laughter and it doesn’t go unnoticed. Neither does the shake of your head to collect your thoughts.
If there was anyone else in the room, literally anyone, they would’ve known exactly who jeonghan wanted really to go on a date with. (Hint hint: actually- no. you don’t even need one.)
“Well, i know she wasn’t the best choice, but we’re running out of options.” You hated forfeiting, but this guy was truly giving a run for your money.
“Are there other choices? Anyone?”
You rub your temple in frustration, scrolling through the options of contenders.
Honestly, you had no clue why he was constantly coming back to your office.
If you’re just gonna reject and complain about every girl, then why are you still here?
But you are indeed a professional- so the only thing you do is smile that polite worker smile and say, “Okay then. There’s another available person that’s willing to go out. Should we try one more time?”
The look on jeonghan’s face is unreadable. It almost makes you nervous. Does he.... does he not want to-?
“Okay,” he simply states.
When he gets up to leave, your eyebrows furrow. But you didn’t have the time to dwell on his strange action when his voice interrupts your further thoughts.
“Just text me the details. I’ll see you soon.”
“Wait-! You don’t even know anything about them....” your voice falters.
After a solid five minutes of making sure he was truly gone, you whip out your phone, furiously typing for the familiar contact on the screen.
“...yes?”
“Josh, I’m fucking quitting my job and moving to Alaska.”
There’s a pause.
“Is it that one guy again?? Jungle juice or whatever?”
“..... his name isn’t even hard to pronounce, and yes. More than 13 dates and jeonghan hasn’t found a single match. You know how stubborn I am but maybe it’s time to give up. I mean, is he just extremely picky or what?? I don’t get it.”
You spin circles in your chair, a perfect representation of how your mind felt.
“I don’t know y/n... could the problem might not be his dates but more him instead?”
The chair stops. “Him? What do you mean?”
The voice on the other line suddenly gets quieter. “I dunno, maybe there’s something wrong with junkyard and that’s why no one wants to date him?
The urge to correct him again is strong but the newfound thought distracts you.
“Huh.... Joshua, you might be onto something. I’ve never had problems with my clients being straight up horrible at dating though. But then again, thirteen failed dates and not a single success?”
You stare at the twirling ceiling. “But he must really want to find love, why else would he keep asking for my services?”
Joshua’s voice turns suspicious. “You’re right... why else would he keep coming back to you?”
You snap your fingers, the perfect plan in mind. “I’m a genius, josh. I’ll take him out to really see what’s been happening on all the dates. Then we can figure out the problem.”
“So... you’re saying you’re gonna ask him out on a date to see what he’s been doing wrong on his other dates?”
The chair squeaks. “Oh. Uh. I guess so?”
“Okay.... just be careful. See you later.” There’s a certain edge to his voice that you notice.
After the call ends with a beep, you stare at the black phone screen.
Did josh mean something when he said that?
Shrugging it off, you text jeonghan a few minutes later, surprised when he responds almost immediately.
You hesitantly tell him the reason for the so-called “date”, not expecting him to agree so quickly.
“Jeonghan, I-“ you stop and instead pass him as many tissues as you can, purposely avoiding looking at him and his very much see through shirt.
After a tense silence of just cleaning up, you mutter, “Did you really not wear anything underneath?”
He laughs. “So you were looking?”
“Haha, funny. And no. But when a mad person throws a drink at your white shirt, what do you expect?”
You soften, helping him with all the used wet napkins. You admire his strength to stay calm and not get angry in a situation like this.
“Are you really okay though? Do you have a jacket or anything to cover up with?”
He shakes his head.
Coughing, you reach behind you, giving jeonghan a sheepish look.
“Well, I brought mine?”
Once you reach your car, you finally bring up what’s been buried in the back of your brain for quite a while, actually.
“Jeonghan.”
He looks at you curiously, your jacket still draped around him.
“Yeah? What’s up?”
You exhale, trying your best to seem unaffected and upbeat.
“I’m sorry. I just don’t think I can help you anymore.”
His heart stops.
“...what did you say?”
“I think we should stop the whole matchmaking stuff, whatever this is. It’s not working out, which was obviously proven today. How many dates has it been? Why waste your time when we both know that it’s most likely not going to lead to anything?”
You smile, but it looks more like a grimace. “I suggest you find someone else to assist you if you’re that desperate for love. Once again, I’m sorry.”
Even with the feeling of defeat making you sink inside lower and lower, there was just simply nothing else you could do.
And jeonghan watches as you drive off, leaving him alone in the parking lot. The jacket -no, your jacket still wrapped around him, but suddenly it feels a lot colder than before.
But when you thought jeonghan finally left your life for good, he shows up once again, this time at your house.
What’s even worse is that it’s late at night and pouring outside. And you were stuck at home in possible the most embarrassing and ratty clothes to be caught wearing.
“What the hell jeonghan? What are you doing here?”
You examine his soaked body, aghast.
“I came to see you. And return your jacket, but mostly to see you.”
“Did you walk in the rain or something? Go back home. It’s so late -you must be crazy.
“No.”
His hard-set expression only makes you more frustrated.
“Listen. If you’re looking for more help, I can’t do anything. You- yoon jeonghan- are my hardest customer. I really don’t know what you want from me. I’ve tried everything and nothing’s worked.”
You can tell he’s getting increasingly annoyed, eyebrows furrowing and teeth gritting.
That causes you to sigh, arms crossing and uncrossing.
“I’m sorry. You’re just a case I can’t help. It-”
“The case isn’t about me. The case is that I’m in love with you.”
His voice is strained and controlled, like he’s barely able to hold it back.
.....huh?
You stare at each other for a solid minute.
Then comes the uncomfortable feeling of his eyes boring into yours and you feel the urge to close the door.
Unfortunately, that’s the one time your body actually listens to your brain and you swing the door shut in his face.
Even more unfortunately, it takes a minute for you to come back to your senses and let out a horrified, muffled scream.
Your hands scramble to reopen the door again.
There’s no one in sight, only the rain still coming down strong.
“Jeonghan?” you call out tentatively.
You walk out under the safety of your front porch, glancing for any sign of him.
After a couple more seconds of no results, you sigh and turn around to go back inside-
“Oh my god jeonghan.” He was to the side of your door, barely out of your peripheral view.
Jeonghan looks up from his small huddled position on the ground.
The sight of him looking like an abandoned puppy makes your heart squeeze.
Coughing, you attempt to smile feebly.
“I’m so sorry. Please come inside? It’s raining hard and you’re very much wet.”
Luckily he doesn’t protest much and follows you in. You force him to take a shower while you dry his clothes. There was some spare clothes found that might possibly fit him? It was better than nothing. You really did not want to see nothing. you don’t think you could handle that.
It all makes sense. Why he kept coming back to you. Why he was so eager to go out on that fake date with you, even if it was only an experiment.
But that’s not the real question. The real question is, how did you feel?
When the bathroom door finally opens, you start from your anxious seat on the couch.
But when he sits next to you, you slowly feel a wave of anger course through your body-no matter how good he looked.
“Are you stupid?”
His effort to dry his hair with the towel stops with your words.
He only stares at you.
You stand up, snatching the towel from jeonghan and beginning to dry his hair for him.
Quite forcefully, he notes.
Jeonghan heats up from your touch, noticeably getting softer and gentler. On the other hand, you were very much annoyed while also focusing on drying his hair to your best ability.
“Who the hell just goes in the rain like that? And shows up at someone else’s house without notice? And then proceeds to confess their love for them?”
Jeonghan says nothing. Eventually, you finish drying his hair and throw the towel to the side.
“How long?” Your voice is tight, attempting to hold back the emotions. But the look in your eyes is different-desperate, curious. You really just want to know.
This. This isnt what you expected. Your job is to find someone perfect for him, and that someone couldn’t possibly be you yourself, right?
Out of all the people in the world, jeonghan only wants you. That one thought is enough to make you shiver.
For the first in a while, jeonghan speaks up. “Since the first time we met.”
“Stop lying. I know for a fact you don’t give a shit about love at first sight.”
He laughs. “That’s why I like you. You get me, my jokes, and pranks. Basically everything I say and do. Ah, and it was like after three failed dates or whatever. What can I say, I really liked seeing your face after all those boring dates.”
It’s hard for you to hold back a smile.
“Alright, since I believe you this time, I guess I’ll accept your confession.”
“Wait, what? You like me back?”
“Well,” your voice cracks and you shoot him a crooked grin. “I don’t know, but we can always try?”
He stifles a laugh at your obvious attempt to hide your shyness, looking back at you with a glint in his eyes.
“Okay. Bet.”
Your head tilts in confusion.
“I bet I can get you to fall in love with me in one week,” he says, trademark smirk pasted on his face.
And jeonghan already knows -you’re not one to back down to challenges.
“Oh, it’s on, lover boy.”
a/n: EWWW ALSKJFASL anyways- sorry for typos and yes there are so many random cuts and scenes (ones i liked and didnt want to delete) that probably make no sense since my unproductive ass doesn’t want to rewrite the whole story-like there is nothing going on with this aHA that’s all :)
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「BO BURNHAM MAKE HAPPY STARTERS」
“You should not laugh. You should not forget about your problems”
“We are all dying”
“The world is not funny”
“Entertainers are not here to help you”
“Never listen to them. Never give them what they want”
“Don’t be Pavlovian. I’m looking for actual answers here”
“Yeah, we got a room full of potheads here”
“If you don’t give a fuck about the law let me hear you say “Fuck the police””
“Good call, I have no idea what’s going on over there”
“What are they fighting about?”
“I can’t wrap my mind around exactly why I’m here”
“Look at the world I don’t know why I’m here”
“I would love to tell you that everything is fine”
“You wanna be happy, well get in line”
“Did you not think I was gonna use it idiots?”
“If I could change don’t you think that Id do it?”
“I know the road looks tough ahead”
“Just cause it’s true doesn’t mean that it’s right”
“You don’t know where I’m going. Don’t act like it”
“{He’s/she’s/they’re} right there, I fucked {his/her/their} mother”
“Honesty’s for the birds, baby”
“I think country music gets a bad rep”
“If you’re writing honestly, that is art”
“It’s a fucking scarecrow again”
“You deserve better. I’m not saying I’m it, but I’m the guy that says you deserve better, you go get better, you say “Thank you, weird man. Bye.””
“I saw a gorgeous dick”
“We all want love”
“If you want love, lower your expectations a few”
“If you want love Just pick someone and love {him/her/them} and if {he’s/she’s/they’ve} got a thing for feet say “fuck it, sweep me off them””
“Lower you expectations a lot. You might think your dick is a gift I promise it’s not”
“We all deserve love. Even on the days when we aren’t our best”
“Original does not mean good”
“Life’s toughest problems don’t have simple solutions”
“We shouldn’t fight to stay together just to fight again”
“Even though it’s not gonna go any further, I swear I don’t regret a second of it”
“You’re angry. I can see that. But you don’t need to make this harder than it has to be”
“I tried to speak to you but you won’t listen”
“Eat a dick”
“Honestly are you fucking five. I am trying to talk this out and you won’t even listen to me”
“I’ve got my father’s temper and I’m emotionally inarticulate so rather than being emotional and vulnerable I did a quick switch because I’m hurting inside and I’m trying to hide it”
“I didn’t think you’d cry for me, I didn’t think you cared”
“I had a privileged life and I got lucky and I’m still unhappy”
“The arrogance is taught, it’s cultivated”
“You want me to be funny and make a point? Nah”
“Can I say my shit? I got lots of shit to say”
“The truth is my biggest problem’s you”
“I want to please you, but I wanna be true to myself”
“A part of me loves you. A part of my hates me. A part of me needs you. A part of me fears you”
“I don’t think that I can handle this right now”
“Look at them, They’re just staring at me like “Come and watch the skinny kid with a steadily declining mental health and laugh as {he/she/they} attempts to give you what {he/she/they} cannot give {himself/herself/themself}”
“They don’t even know the of this right now”
“I know I’m not a doctor. I’m a pussy, I put on a silly show. I should probably just shut up and do my job so here I go”
“You can tell them anything if you just make it funny, make it rhyme. And if they still don’t understand it then you’ll run it one more time”
“Good night. I hope you’re happy”
“Good, it’s just us”
“On a scale from one to zero are you happy? Cause you’re on your own from here so are you happy?”
“I’m open to suggestions, are you happy?”
“What the fuck kind of question is “am I happy?””
“I really wanna try to get happy and then I think that I could get it if I didn’t always panic every time I’m unhappy like I’m owed some life where I’m always like happy which is stupid cause I wouldn’t even want it if I got it”
“Oh god my dad was right”
“You’re everything you hated, are you happy?”
“Hey look ma, I made it. Are you happy?”
#sentence meme#sentence starters#sentence starter meme#lyric starters#rp memes#rp starters#rp prompts#roleplay meme#roleplay starter#roleplay prompts#bo burnham#asks
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@gaseth here’s dreams twitlonger! hope this helps :D
Very Important Information
Recently, there's been a lot of drama going on involving me getting "Doxed" and subsequent drama involving that. I generally like to keep drama off of my platform, so I've been keen on not addressing anything in a super public way. There's a lot of important stuff that I want to talk about in this document, although I'm going to try to keep it as concise as I can. I'm going to try and get as much drama out of the way as I can. Section 1 Doxing Summary Recently, a dox was released by a group of individuals in an attempt to harass and "expose" me. They said that they did this due to the fact that I was "egotistical" and that I was not a good person in general. Obviously whether someone is a good person is completely up for debate, but regardless of that no one deserves to be harassed in that way. This group of people attempted to release information about my family, about me, and about my friends. Obviously some things were true, and others were false. Section 2 My Ex Girlfriend This is going to be a longer section and the last one, because I think it's important to talk about. Back around three years ago, I got into a relationship. This person was a very loving and caring person, and there are a lot of good memories there. She was very encouraging and if it wasn't for her, I'm not sure I ever would have started Youtube. She encouraged me to pursue my passion and work as hard as I did when I first started. She helped me with my logo, and she helped me be less of a noob at twitter and instagram. Although we fell off shortly after I started Youtube, I honestly have always held on to that and really appreciated it. I think this is important to start off with. She suffers from borderline personality disorder, self harm, and other issues, and she did at the time although she was on medication. A few months after we moved in together, she wanted to get off her medication because she believed that it was making her not herself. I discussed it with her and tried my best to be a supportive boyfriend. After she stopped taking her medication she became very unstable. Although at the beginning of our relationship she was wonderful, she started to get abusive and she cheated on me on various occasions. While she was unstable I always did my best to help her and make sure that she was okay. I cared a lot about her and her well being, and I still do now, even if that time period was one of the toughest time periods of my life. Recently, she's been flip flopping on being positive or negative about me in public and private. A lot of people have tried to paint me as a horrible person based on things she has said. At points in the past she has said that I raped her, that I beat her, and that I starved her. She has admitted since then that all of these things are false, and as far as I'm aware she has told every person personally that these things are absolutely not true. I would never do those things to anybody, and it disgusts me to hear those things said. She told me that the reason she said these things is because friends she would meet would be fans of mine, and she wanted them to like her for her, not because she was "Dream's ex", so her intention on doing that was to make them hate me. Again, she is in a horrible time period in her life and I really want her to get the help that she needs. I have been in contact with her mother, and I have offered any and all help that I could possibly give. I have never talked negatively about her in public, because I know that anything I say would be used as justification for hating on her, and that would contribute terribly to her mental health. I do not want ANYONE sending her hate, and I encourage anyone sending her hate to reflect. There are lots of people that make mistakes in the world, not all of them have a "popular" ex-boyfriend though, she doesn't deserve any more hate than anyone else. There are certain people that try and seek her out and cancel her or harass her for the things she's done in the past, and I really hope that me talking in detail about this will make them stop. I don't want anyone sending hate on my behalf, and I have said that on many occasions. The reason this is relevant to the doxing though, is that she has recently been in contact with people that want to do harm to me or my family. Again, I like to see the best in people, and I like to think that the people that are taking advantage of people with mental health issues are the true horrible people and not the people with mental health issues. From what I have heard, she has said a variety of things that are not true in an effort to hurt my career or make people stop being fans of mine. I was surprised when I heard this, because she still even as of yesterday would message me that she loves me and wants me back and that she is trying to get help, and I thought we were friendly with each other. A lot of the things that have been said are very obviously not true and lead me to believe that she was taken advantage of by people who really want to do harm to me. I think that people taking advantage of people with mental health issues is a huge problem in todays world, and this is a really good example of that. I truly believe that when my ex is healthy and stable she is a wonderful person. One of the things that she has said is that I don't care about Youtube, and that I only do it for money. That I'm going to quit in a year and leave everything behind. To me this is clearly ridiculous, as Youtube is my passion. I've been doing Youtube since I was around 10 on different accounts, and I've been playing Minecraft for about as long. I'm extremely passionate about creativity, and have always wanted to be a Youtuber. I know that she knows this, so I know that this isn't something she believes. Another thing that she said is incredibly negative things about my appearance, saying that I'm obese or that I'm ugly or disgusting, going as far to say that I "catfished" her when we dated. She has never said this publicly, but she has said this in private to her past-partners in order to make them not like me. Obviously she says these things in order to hurt my reputation and make me look bad, as well as make herself feel better for things she has done. As for the "catfish" thing, this is very easily provable as false, and I know that she knows this which is why she's never said it publicly. I was fairly open about my relationship at the time to my friends and my family, and my family could easily confirm that. Shortly after we met in person, she moved in with me and we lived together for almost a year. It wasn't a purely online relationship. She has gone as far as to show fake pictures of me to people she was romantically or sexually involved with, and tell every single bad tale about me in order to make them not like me. As for my appearance, she knows that I don't plan on doing a face reveal until after Covid, so she's known that she can spread everything and the only way I can counter it is by releasing a face reveal. I'm not going to give in to that. All I can say is that I have met in person with now multiple people that can confirm independently that she lies. On top of that, she hasn't seen me in over a year and doesn't even know anything new about me other than public stuff. Regardless, insulting someone's looks is something no one should do. I feel terrible for anyone that is released as a "fake picture" of me, because they will undoubtedly receive tons of hate and negative things said about them and that is just horrible. Another thing that was said is that I have a "contract" with George and others that prevents them from saying anything negative about me, and that they get a revenue split of my channel in exchange for that. That it's a "money operation" and that none of us care about eachother or Youtube. I know that sounds incredibly dumb already, but I thought I would just mention it. Although I like to spoil my friends, I will go on record and say that they do not get a revenue split of my channel, nor do they get paid for being in any of my videos. Obviously we have contracts, but that's just standard with business. I've known Sapnap for about 9 years and we've been best friends for most of it. I help Sapnap and George with all of their videos and they both didn't even post on Youtube before I started Youtube. We've been together since the beginning and I love both of them like brothers. BadBoyHalo too. There's a video of her from a few weeks ago talking about how I'm an amazing person, and how much she enjoyed our relationship. She's also posted tiktoks with her laughing about old stories and with my character in the background. I like to think that this is the real her, and not the things that she says when being manipulated. I truly think that she is a victim here and I really don't support any hate towards her at all. She deserves support and care and to be helped by the people who care about her. Mental health is a serious issue, and she's been going through problems for a long time. One of the reasons that I was afraid of saying anything about this, is because I really don't want harm to come to her. I know that if she gets help she can be a wonderful person and I want that for her. I thought that this became important enough to talk about though.
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Of course feel free to ignore this if its stepping boundaries. And if it is im sorry!! Im processing heartbreak of my own (3 years and it ended abruptly last summer) so I feel for you when you talk about yours (though I know yours was longer, im sorry). I actually found NATA a bit after and it seriously helped me through some of the toughest times, I kid you not. And then I'll Fall did as well and then all your others lol. And through falling in love with them I fell back into this fandom and back in love with writing and back in love with loving, honestly?? Despite the pain, those stories kinda made me a romantic lol. I was so hurt (still hurt) but I dunno.. they helped me really wanna do better, get better, strive for more. They helped me not give up on love and not close myself off which I always used to do. Ahh I dunno, I just wanted to let you know that your work has been a big comfort to me. And again if I overstepped, im really sorry!
I read this hours ago, and then re-read it several times, and then sent it to two of my friends, all while crying. I am so, so touched. this is probably one of the sweetest, most amazing things anyone has ever said to me.
i’m going to put the rest of my response under a cut because its gonna be long and your vulnerability is something i want to meet equally.
listen. when i first read this... i wanted to be bitter. bitter because I’ll Fall and NATA are directly influenced by my eight marriage that just ended; those are the only two fics I’ve written that are connected to my relationship, and ironically (or maybe not lol) my most popular and well loved stories. I’ll Fall is the story of how my partner and I met -- some of those scenes are directly lifted from my life -- and so much of myself and my wife are written inside Iruka and Kakashi in NATA, chronicling how our relationship grew over time. Of course, those stories are heavily embellished and transformed into a plot but my point is... reading that they helped you not give up and love, both broke my heart and healed me all at once.
I remember when my relationship ended, NATA was not yet complete, and I had this horrible moment where I thought: “if the seed that directly inspired them ended, then they also need to end.” I LITERALLY CONTEMPLATED DIVORCING THEM. But I am not a horrible person lmaoooo and of course they are a completely different entity than my marriage -- they were inspired by each other, not one in the same.
Even though that was my first reaction to your ask, it quickly faded away. Because... I find it absolutely beautiful and so incredible that my stories made you not give up on love, and to not close yourself off, and help you move on or let go. Because while my love (and your love) ended... it doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. It existed. It was real. And it was beautiful. And then it ended. And that’s okay. Love isn’t finite. And it comes in so many forms. And every variation of it is unique and special. Love will come again. It’ll come many times. Even if it’s not in the form of a person--love is everywhere, and everything.
And you know, writing that final chapter for NATA, a few months after my break up, was actually cathartic. I thought it would feel like a lie, but it didn’t. Writing them reminded me of how beautiful love can be, and I’m really grateful for it. I, too, learned a lot from them. They also served as my coping mechanism so to speak, providing me comfort and security. And I am beyond humbled and thrilled to know it served someone else in the same way.
It’s still hard for me to even comprehend, to be honest; the fact that those two fics inspire such emotional responses from people. But I think the reason people have responded to NATA and I’ll Fall so strongly, is because I laid myself bare. All my vulnerabilities and insecurities, and flaws, and heartbreak (in i’ll fall) are written all over it, as well as my experiences with love, which i’ve been blessed with richly, despite what may have happened. People always say to write what you know, and I guess I took that very literally lmao
anyway. i hope things get easier for you, if they haven’t already. i’m... five months? post-separation and still very much raw. and i gotta say... experiencing a break up during the pandemic is extra hard and weird. our friends cant hold us while we cry. we cant go out dancing or to a bar or do anything even remotely social that might help us ease us down that river of moving on, or give us that feeling of being newly single? idk? it makes an isolating experience even MORE isolating. and has made the finality seem less real somehow? like ... sometimes i feel like im just waiting to get back together... even though i know thats not going to happen... i dont know if thats just my experience but...fuck.
i think my only advice is just... let yourself feel it. my biggest tool is meditation and trying to stay present. my favorite set of mantras recently is very simple -- each word corresponds with an inhale / exhale:
in/out
deep/slow
calm/ease
smile/release
present moment/wonderful moment.
And this quote by Louise Erdich:
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.”
And this poem by Buddy Wakefield, which might seem like an odd thing to watch while heartbroken but shrug??? lmao it’s a tear-jerking but also a real honest show of love at it’s finest.
And music. Music has always been a balm for my soul. Or cracked me open. Sometimes I need to be cracked open. Crying is the best medicine.
Suit of Armor by Danika Smith
going thru by christian alexander
holy by jamila woods
chin up by yoke lore
conversation by lucy rose
plus a zillion more.
ANYWAY, anon. I’m here for you. And my stories will always be there for you, whenever you need them. 💖 sending all of my love!!!!!!!
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