#Honestly in terms of classes it’s because of it’s lack of redundancy

[rooolt]

Math is literally my girlfriend but she’s literally so toxic to me. I hate her but I adore her, like probably what I’m smartest at but literally I never want to engage with her. So easy and soothing on my brain and yet at the same time she comes in and takes a baseball bat to my peace of mind

[anavirable]

A semi-deep dive into the Equality Act

HR5, otherwise known as the Equality Act, is a bill in the United States that would, at a federal level, prohibit discrimination based on “sex, sexual orientation, and gender identity in areas including public accommodations and facilities, education, federal funding, employment, housing, credit, and the jury system.” So, for example, this bill would make it illegal to deny a couple housing for being a gay couple. Which is great! Unfortunately, the implementation of the bill has a lot left to be desired.

On thing you may notice is that this bill includes sex in its added protected categories. The Equality Act correctly identifies:

(4) Women also have faced discrimination in many establishments such as stores and restaurants, and places or establishments that provide other goods or services, such as entertainment or transportation, including sexual harassment, differential pricing for substantially similar products and services, and denial of services because they are pregnant or breastfeeding. 

The Equality Act explains the struggles of LGBTQ people as:

(3) Lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (referred to as “LGBTQ”) people commonly experience discrimination in securing access to public accommodations [...]. Forms of discrimination include the exclusion and denial of entry, unequal or unfair treatment, harassment, and violence.

(As a side note, yes, this bill flat out calls gay people “queer” in this legally-defined acronym.)

From there, the Act refers a few times to “LGBTQ people and women” as the groups they’re aiming to protect. So far, not too bad, and this bill will help more than it hurts. It also does make some great points. For example:

(12) Discrimination based on sexual orientation includes discrimination based on an individual’s actual or perceived romantic, emotional, physical, or sexual attraction to other persons, or lack thereof, on the basis of gender. LGBTQ people, including gender nonbinary people, also commonly experience discrimination because of sex-based stereotypes. Many people are subjected to discrimination because of others’ perceptions or beliefs regarding their sexual orientation. Even if these perceptions are incorrect, the identity imputed by others forms the basis of discrimination.

This correctly identifies the discrimination people experience due to failures to conform to various sex-based stereotypes. Unfortunately, the bill continues with:

(13) Numerous provisions of Federal law expressly prohibit discrimination on the basis of sex, and Federal courts and agencies have correctly interpreted these prohibitions on sex discrimination to include discrimination based on sexual orientation, gender identity, and sex stereotypes. In particular, the Supreme Court of the United States correctly held in Bostock v. Clayton County, 140 S. Ct. 1731 (2020) that the prohibition on employment discrimination because of sex under title VII of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 inherently includes discrimination because of sexual orientation or transgender status.

Last year’s Bostock v. Clayton case was a case in which a trans-identified male sued for discrimination after being fired from his job for following the women’s dress code. The court correctly ruled in favor of the trans-identified male - this person was fired for failing to conform to sex-based stereotypes. Unfortunately, the court did not use this reasoning to support its decision. The court did not find that separate dress codes for women and men is sexist - instead, it said that it’s sexist to force a person to conform to sex-based dress codes rather than gender identity-based dress codes. It’s difficult to express how painful that is. Transphobia under these laws isn’t a crime - it’s just a form of sexism based on gender identity rather than sex. Which means any case that comes down to sexism vs “transphobia” has no real way to legally differentiate the two.

And the Equality Act reinforces this decision. The majority of the act is just rewriting the Civil Rights Act to include “sex (including sexual orientation and gender identity)”. Sexual orientation and gender identity aren’t even their own protected classes - they’re just legally identical to sex.

In places where sex was already a protected class - for example, in employment, the Equality Act waters down these protections:

(c) Other Unlawful Employment Practices.—Section 704(b) of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (42 U.S.C. 2000e–3(b)) is amended—

(1) by striking “sex,” the first place it appears and inserting “sex (including sexual orientation and gender identity),”; and 

(2) by striking “employment.” and inserting “employment, if, in a situation in which sex is a bona fide occupational qualification, individuals are recognized as qualified in accordance with their gender identity.”.

Now onto the most important part, the definitions. I’ll start with sexual orientation:

(5) SEXUAL ORIENTATION.—The term ‘sexual orientation’ means homosexuality, heterosexuality, or bisexuality.

This is fairly straightforward, assuming everyone agrees for example that “homosexuality” means “same-sex attracted.” Since the bill doesn’t further define it, the sex-based versus “gender”-based distinction is still up for debate, should it ever become legally relevant. Next:

“(4) SEX.—The term ‘sex’ includes—

     “(A) a sex stereotype;

     “(B) pregnancy, childbirth, or a related medical condition;

     “(C) sexual orientation or gender identity; and

     “(D) sex characteristics, including intersex traits.

You’ll notice that none of these are just... biological sex. The closest is “sex characteristics, including intersex traits,” and it’s listed last. You’ll also noticed that “sexual orientation or gender identity” are once again listed under “sex,” which makes most of the rest of the document redundant overkill. But, onto our last relevant definition:

“(2) GENDER IDENTITY.—The term ‘gender identity’ means the gender-related identity, appearance, mannerisms, or other gender-related characteristics of an individual, regardless of the individual’s designated sex at birth. 

That’s right, gender identity is literally defined as “gender-related identity”! This is what people are talking about when we criticize the self-ID aspect of the law. There is literally zero way, in reality or under this law, to determine whether a person truly has the gender identity that they claim. There is literally nothing stopping “cis men” from using this federal law to access women’s spaces except for their good word. And we know how that turns out.

So, what does this cover? This applied to titles II, III, IV, VI, VII, and IX. Most relevant to feminists would be Title 7 and Title 9.  The Rules of the bill say that, in respect to these titles:

“(1) (with respect to sex) pregnancy, childbirth, or a related medical condition shall not receive less favorable treatment than other physical conditions; and

“(2) (with respect to gender identity) an individual shall not be denied access to a shared facility, including a restroom, a locker room, and a dressing room, that is in accordance with the individual's gender identity.”

This is the part where the bill finally distinguishes between sex and gender identity. The conclusion? Women only need sex-based protections for sex-based medical conditions. Sex-segregated spaces are sexist against people with a gender identity. It would honestly be so much less painful if the bill didn’t pretend like it was actually improving women’s situation. You know, like the bill literally addressed at the beginning, about how women are discriminated against in the public sphere. Now we’re somehow being sexist for wanting sex-based rights.

Anyway, the Equality Act sucks and will do more harm than good. Which is a shame, because there are definitely positives to it - namely in providing protections for same-sex attracted people. The good news is, the fight isn’t over yet. See my next post on how we could have the best of both worlds.

[thetypedwriter]

Loveboat, Taipei Book Review

Loveboat, Taipei Book Review by Abigail Hing Wen 

This book is solid. The few people I’ve foisted conversation onto about this book have heard me lavishly declare it to be the YA teenie-bop version of Crazy Rich Asians. 

And while I maintain that my statement above is still true, the book also contained some other elements that either came across as a breath of fresh air or a polluted cloud of toxicity that made me cough and wheeze. 

As for the general synopsis, it’s pretty simple all things considered. You have Ever Wong, a senior who is stressed about college applications, her own future potential, disappointing her parents, and ignoring the unrequited love she has for her best friend’s boyfriend. She also happens to be Chinese-American. 

Ever’s identity as growing up Asian in the predominantly white-as-bread state of Ohio is kicked off quite strongly from the get-go. Ever talks about how the said pining of her best friend’s boyfriend could have not been pining and instead could have been her, but that he was unwilling to put up with her crazy Asian parents and their strict limitations. 

She talks about how her dad, a revered surgeon in Taipei, has been relegated to pushing medical carts in hospitals in the States for the last twenty years as they wouldn’t recognize his medical degree. 

She discusses how she and the only other Aisan kid in her class have an unspoken rule of not looking at each other or calling attention to one another as to not emphasize their Asianness. 

As you can probably tell without having me list off a litany of other examples, this book heavily concentrates on race, identity, family, and self-control. 

At the beginning of the novel, Ever is a shy, timid girl whose willing to give up her dreams of dancing because it’s what's expected of her after all her parents have sacrificed to raise her in America. 

But then her mother sells her black pearl necklace to send Ever to Chien Tan, an immersion program in Taipei where thousands of Asian-American kids are sent for the summer, for the purpose of learning the culture, language, and other specialized skills like Chinese medicine, calligraphy, ribbon dancing and stick fighting. 

Ever is reluctant at first, desperate to stay back and find a way to keep dancing, but as her mother literally throws her leotard in the dumpster, Ever knows it’s a losing battle. 

So she goes. And she is amazingly transformed. 

The rest of the book details Ever’s excursions with finding friends and love, immersing herself in the culture that Taipei has to offer, coming to terms with her own identity and race, growing up, making mistakes, hitting a low point, and then getting back up again to achieve her dreams and fight for what she believes in. 

Now, the highlight of this book is definitely the representation, the talk of race and culture, and the actual experiences of Chien Tan, more commonly referred to by the kids who attend as Loveboat, drawn from the author Abigail Hing Wen herself. 

Loveboat, as they call it, is an actual program that the author Wen and others attended and still attend. It’s obvious just from reading how much of Ever’s experience is drawn from the author’s herself and that IS ALWAYS AN AMAZING THING. 

One of the first pieces of writing advice I Ever (hahahha sorry, not sorry) received was to write what you know. Wen does this and knocks it out of the park. Loveboat comes alive with her writing, flowing from page to page seamlessly. 

She crafts it with such care and consideration that you feel like you’re there yourself, down to what the dorms look like with sticking doors, what they serve for breakfast, and the electives offered for academic selections. All of these little details brought such life and realism to the story and it made it an incredibly engaging read. 

Add on Wen’s real talk of race, racism, identity, and the struggle for identity, and you indeed have a delectable concoction of raw representation from a person of color who has experienced these things first-hand. 

Authors of color and representation in YA of characters of color have improved drastically in the last few years, but it’s still something to be expanded upon, drawn from, and encouraged and explored. 

Wen’s story is almost entirely made of Asian teenagers of differing backgrounds and experiences, and it was honestly so nice to not read about another white girl from a white girl. The story was real and filled with culture and struggle, but also beauty, friendship, and acceptance. 

All of these things hark back to why I call this book solid. 

Now onto why I don’t call this book great. 

I legitimately would have preferred if this book focused more on Ever’s identity as Ai-Mei, her struggle between wanting to be a dancer and not crushing her parents’ soul by rejecting the medical career they so want her to be in, and immersing herself in all the wonderful sights, smells, and experiences Taipei had to offer.

 Of course, love and friendship and drama should play a role, this is YA after all, but personally I felt like the romance dominated the book almost entirely, shoving the questions of race and identity and struggle to the backdrop of a pretty redundant love triangle. 

Which. We’re over the love triangle people, stop writing them. 

But really, I understand that the two don’t need to be mutually exclusive, and oftentimes, Ever’s struggle with her race and identity went hand-in-hand with her struggles for romance, but there was JUST. SO. MUCH. OF. IT.  

It was like an episode of the Bachelor if the Bachelor would stop casting white people as their main lead. Every other chapter was a pretty cliched rendition of some kind of romance trope: the bad boy that draws, the arrogant boy that predictably has a heart, but also a girlfriend, the so-called girlfriend flying out to Taipei, the evil stuck-up girl, literal running into chests moments, shirtless of course, and so many more to offer. 

For an author doing incredible things on the front of representation and real talk about stereotypes, racism, and prejudice, I found her book pretty stereotypical of a YA romance itself. 

There were several plot points that were also just incredibly predictable (the nude photos, my god, saw that from a mile away) that made reading this book just a little bit lackluster when I otherwise was really enjoying it. 

Unfortunately, the biggest turn-off this book had for me other than the recycled plot and the ridiculous, predictable, rampant love triangle were the characters themselves. They all kind of...sucked. 

They aren’t awful, by any stretch of the imagination, but they’re also not special either. Other than the fact that they’re Chinese, Chinese-American, or identify as another minority, and the implicit struggles and nuances that come with it, they were like any other archetypal character that I tend to dislike. 

By that I mean that many of the characters I found extremely one-dimensional. 

Each character had about two things about them that defined their whole characters. 

Now, not to blind you with my nerdiness, but other than books, I also am quite the connoisseur of anime. This book, in a lot of ways, comes across as a printed form of anime to me. 

There is a term in anime called Isekai which roughly translates to “accidental travel” and is saturated with shows all about people falling into magical worlds unpredictably. 

Additionally (stay with me here), anime is also quite infamous for having very archetypal characters where one or two traits dominate their whole being so completely as that is the only thing about them that comes across. 

Loveboat, Taipei in my eyes, is literally a print form of an Isekai. Which is not a compliment.

I really wanted to like Ever, Sophie, Rick, and Xavier, the predominant characters along with a whole cast of others. But I kind of...didn’t. Frankly, there wasn’t much to like or know about them. 

Ever’s character was dominated by her love for dancing and her determination to break from her parent’s protective shell, Sophie was a bossy bitch, Rick was Wonder Boy incarnate, Xavier was brooding and artistic-see where I’m going here?

Even the side characters were all identified by one thing-Marc with politics, Matteo with anger, Benji with being baby-faced. I understand that this is one novel and that it’s extremely hard to flesh out characters and unfold nuances and depth, but I personally found Loveboat, Taipei to be lacking in this quality, exceptionally so. 

Ever especially I found irritating. On some levels, I understand that Wen was trying to depict her as a flawed character who makes mistakes and learns from them, trying to represent the growth of her character and blooming into herself, but more often than not, I found her selfish, immature, and aggravating. 

When you add on that Rick is head-over-heels in love with her (as is Xavier) for reasons that don’t really make sense or are legitimately earned in the story, then the romance feels forced and falls apart, hence me wishing Wen focused more on other elements rather than romance. 

This plot contrivance, everyone, is what I lovingly call Bella Swan Syndrome-when a hot guy or vice versa falls in love with someone who legitimately doesn’t deserve it or the love is inorganic or just flat out doesn’t make sense. 

Wen attempted the whole hate-to-love thing, which I love, but also which I genuinely think failed here due to the romance being subpar and undeserved. 

Combine my lack of any real attachment to any character with the trite that was the romance, but mix it in with the praises above of realism and representation and you end at solid. 

Recommendation: If you are sick of the white people, I hear you. If you’ve been looking for books heavily centered on POC characters or written by authors of color, then I’m with you there as well. This book is a great novel for discussions of race and identity and for those Crazy Rich Asians fans out there. However, do not expect this to be the pinnacle of romance, story, or characterization, which unfortunately, falls below average on this one. 

Score: 6/10

[quirkwizard]

Best and Brightest

Since I am a major sucker for theoretic stuff, let’s try and figure out what would be the best class possible given the current Year 1 hero students. For this, I will be using Class 1-A as a basis. Both because of how familiar we are with them, as well as how they operate, and because they seem to have overall stronger students. I will also try to have it so it’s make up the class as a whole like they were a team, otherwise it would just be a lot of heavy hitters.

Aoyama swapped for Manga: Class 1-A is mostly filled with Quirks that do a lot of damage, so I felt it was appropriate to swap out some of the weaker one to help diversify. While Aoyoma does have the advantage in the long range, when he actually hits anything, Manga can cover a similar ground while having a lot more options overall with his Quirk.

Mina: While Mina seem to fall under the “do damaging” umbrella I talked about earlier, I think that her and her abilities are a lot more versatile then people give credit for, especially with how she can control her acid. Plus she is good for morale which is always a bonus.

Tsuyu: An overall solid Quirk that gives the class a few more options and, as little as it may come up, the only student that can be effective in underwater. The only real issue is that she is a very jack of all trades character, making it hard to see her really excel at any one hero role.

Iida: Again, Iida kind of falls in the category of heavy hitter, but what ultimately distinguishes himself is that he has a lot of mobility and is more based around movement rather then just blasting people, which I do think would be help both in a fight and just getting around in general. On top of that, his keen intellect would bring in some more brains to the table which would always be helpful.

Ochako: While it isn’t talked about that much in story, Uraraka’s Quirk is amazingly useful. She excellent in a supportive role, able to remove obstacles or put allies in advantageous positions. That there is some potential for some serious damage if she uses her Quirk right, making it so Uraraka covers plenty of bases.

Ojiro swapped with Shoda: Ojiro is a bit more unique then his classmate with his mix of agility and offense, I just think Shoda can offer a similar package while still bringing something more to the table. Not only can he hit really hard, but he can trap his impacts in objects and get himself around by increasing his kinetic force.

Denki swapped for Juzo: While Denki can use his Quirk in an AOE, Juzo can use an ability in an AOE while having less risk to his allies and himself. That and he would be useful in rescue with his ability to remove debris and other hazards. The most we would really lose is Denki’s ability to charge electronics.

Kirishima: While Kirishima may seem kind of lackluster in most departments, both in his abilities outside his and how limited his Quirk is, I felt that he had some merit. Besides his natural strength and the very high power ceiling of his Quirk, Kirishima is one of the very few students that actually has any kind of serious defensive option, making him good for rescue and taking damage.

Koda: While it may seem surprising that Koda stays, I think he is really helpful. He has access to a vast amount of knowledge and intel that most people would not being able to get normally, making him great for information gathering and rescue.

Sato swapped for Yui: Since Shoda and Izuku would cover the physical damage for the group, I decided the group could have used a little more support and swapped out Shoda for Yui. Honestly, “Size” is such an amazing ability that the amount of stuff you can do with it is frankly staggering.

Shoji and Jiro: I’m only putting these two together because they offer very similar benefits, just with slight variations on what they are good at. They both offer some very good ways of gathering intelligence and can do it at a very long range, with Shoji being more generalist and Jiro focus on sound. Plus they both have solid options to defend themselves if push into a corner, with Shoji’s amazing strength and Jiro’s vibrations.

Sero swapped for Ibara: “Vines” is basically just “Tape”, but mostly better because of the amount of control Ibara has with her Quirk and the kind of range she can effect people. While Sero does seemingly have a better amount of mobility with his Quirk and can offer up some unique plans with it’s stickiness, I just think that those benefits don’t outweigh what Ibara is capable of.

Tokoyami: While Tokoyami himself doesn’t bring much to the table, I think “Dark Shadow” is enough on it’s own to let him into the class given it’s potential, both in it’s use and in it’s growth.

Todoroki: How could he not be on here?

Hagakure swapped for Setsuna: While Hagakure excels at stealth, I think that Setsuna would have the overall same application of her ability while still having other traits to bring to the table like her leadership abilities.

Bakugou: While I was tempted to leave Bakugou off the list, even with all his development he still has a tough time playing nice with others and his aggressive nature has been shown to leave him in a bind, I cannot deny the amount of talent and power he offers.

Izuku: I mean it kind of goes without saying that he would be here. 

Mineta swapped for Komori: Not only can Komori cover people in mushrooms to slow them down, she can do it much faster and at a much longer range then Mineta would be able to do. Yes, Mineta has some mobility and is a little more effective at keeping people from moving, but I think that the amount and the type of mushrooms Komori can push out is what makes her the better option.

Momo: Probably the smartest person between her two classes, along with having a stellar Quirk that can be useful no matter the situation or what role Yaoyorozu find herself in.

For a bit of extra fun, lets put them into teams:

Overall Leaders: Momo, Izuku Offense: Iida, Tokoyami, Shoda. Lead by Bakugou Defense: Kirishima, Ibara, Komori. Lead by Todoroki Scouting: Shoji, Koda, Jiro, Tsuyu. Lead by Setsuna Support: Yui, Ochako, Mina, Manga. Lead by Juzo

Now to explain why other characters didn’t make the cut.

-Monoma: I was a close call between him and Yui, but I ultimately decided against putting him in the group. While intelligent, I felt as though he would be rather redundant with characters Momo and the others around. And his “Copy” can offer up some unique support, and I felt that his personality would be rather difficult to deal with since he tends put people on edge just by talking. Plus we can’t give up on the running gag of him hating Class 1-A.

-Kendo: While she is intelligent and knows her way around a fight, I felt like she was not all that necessary. The class is well enough in terms of physical fighters with Izuku, Iida and Shoda, and more then well enough with those who are more suited to be leaders like Izuku, Momo, Juzo, and Tokage. She just didn’t really bring enough unique to the table to make her feel like she was warranted.

-Tetsutetsu Testutetsu: While I did consider him, especially with how the group is really lacking in defensive users, I felt that a majority of what he could do overlapped too much with what Kirishima could do.

-Hitoshi: Not even considered as he is not official part of either class yet.

[colesartandbooksandstuff]

We Contain Multitudes- Sarah Henstra

Background: I bought this back when I worked at the bookstore and all of the copies were being returned to the warehouse either due to it not selling well enough or the paperback coming out. I try to buy as many LGBTQ+ books as I can not only because I want good representation (and it can be hard to come by) but also because if more diverse books sell the more will be published. I bought this book because it sounded okay; nothing out of the ordinary, not main plot other than 2 guys liking each other. I didn’t realize that it was written completely in letters between the two main characters until I started reading this. I’m not 100% a fan of that style and I probably wouldn’t have got it if I knew this, but 50 pages in I don’t hate it.

First Half: I am almost halfway done with this book and it is rubbing me the wrong way. Let me preface this with that I have never not finished a book since I started getting back into reading during the junior year of high school. I have finished everything even if I didn’t like it. This book might change that. The main characters are 15 and 18. One is a sophomore and the other is repeating senior year. They had sex. That is statutory rape. Also the younger character is out but the older isn’t. We don’t know if he has had experiences in the past but it doesn’t seem like it. He is pressured to come to terms with his sexuality and it isn’t handled well. This book was written by a straight woman based off of what she thinks gay teens want. (In this case her demographic being fem bottoms). The plot so far is the resident bad boy football player who is repeating senior year has to write letters for English class to the only out gay boy in school. They fall in love. It’s the ultimate straight fantasy (to the topic of which I could write a thesis on why that is predatory and fucked up on so many levels). I don’t like this book so far. The format of letters is redundant as you have each character repeat and contradict events from the previous letters. It now not only had one of the boys be raped by the other but now the rapist is an abuse victim. This book had a lot of potential and isn’t living up.

Second Half: This book worries me. On top of all the issues that were brought up in the first half the second half continues to pile them on. One character is kicked out for being gay, the other one falls off of a bike and takes percocets before going to a party. He is 15 and taking prescriptions that aren’t his own. The abused character is forced to talk about his experiences when he isn’t ready. There are so many issues that the characters go through and I honestly don’t think that any were handled sensitively in the way that they should have been. The word queer isn’t used in an excessively derogatory way, but it isn’t positive either- instead of an adjective or label its used as a noun- if you understand that. The book ends on a happy note that defies logic. Jo saves the day and gets Kurl into college, but in the real world it would be nearly impossible to apply to college for another person.

Overall: The only good part about this was the writing (and I mean the language, not the plot). The format of letters is also very unrealistic. It is good in theory, as it allows 2 different perspectives but both characters write things that they shouldn't have to for the reader's sake. Why can’t I have an unproblematic simple mlm romance. I am so sick of homophobia, the coming out process, unnecessary age differences, a lack of bi male representation. Even some very good books have issues. They Both Die at the End both the characters die (yes I know its in the title). Simon vs The Homo sapiens Agenda the main character is blackmailed and loses his friends after coming out. Leah on the Offbeat one of the characters comes out as bi and breaks up with her boyfriend to be with a girl instead. Call Me By Your Name the age difference also constitutes statutory rape. The list goes on. The most unproblematic one was What if its Us but it doesn’t have a happy ending (fingers crossed for the potential sequel) and Red White and Royal Blue which is amazing for a multitude of reasons. I don’t want to have to pick and chose between reading a book that offers good representation or has good writing and a plot. I understand that as a bi guy with a preference for men that’s pretty rare. To be honest I’m still confused on what I identify as but at the end of the day I want something that feels authentic.

1.5/5 stars- rounded up to 2.

*I also don’t want to leave out The Music of What Happens by Bill Konigsberg. This book really helped me work through some trauma. On a platform like my blog where no one can see my face, I’m fine talking about this. A character in the book was raped and I went through a near identical experience. It can be triggering for some people but on my behalf I can say that it saved my life. **On a lighter note- drop some good queer recs down below: Ive read the following (CMBYN, Simon vs., Leah on the offbeat, WIIU, once and future, Loki: where mischief lies), RWRB, we set the dark on fire, swipe right for murder, girls of paper and fire, carry on/wayward son, TBDatE, Infinity son

[fureniku]

The return of my blog or something idk

Looks like in my last blog I said I’d not post my semi-private stuff here, only to a private blog.

Honestly, I can’t remember the name of the private blog; let alone the login/password. I think I only made one post there, to zero followers, and kind of lost the point of doing it. So fuck it, lets just go back to being here.

Days since last post: 614 Todays date: 30th September 2019 Start time: 20:39

Well, I guess we have some catching up to do.

I don’t know how many people on here were following me before. So, I guess I’ll start with a sum-up. My previous blog was just me ranting about anxiety/depression related things. It was a good platform for me to vent my thoughts without real life friends knowing; I had a few RL friends who followed it which was great as they could give me some support, but most of them didn’t know about the blog, which was also great as they then didn’t know a side of me I’d generally prefer to keep private. That blog was deleted in early January 2018, when the drummer from my then-band found it. I had made some comments about my frustrations in the band which were true, and I stand by them - but naturally it caused drama. I deleted the account, and instantly regretted it - I only had maybe 50 followers, but now I have two, so yeah.  Life since then has been... chaotic. Not specifically in a bad way, just a lot of things happened. When the blog ended I was; - Single - Playing guitar in a band - Working a dead-end job in a Warehouse - Had no ambition/drive to progress life

Three of those things have since changed; I’m still single (not for lack of trying but whatevs). I guess I’ll cover a timeline? Jan 2018: I deleted my old blog, and made this one, and a second one with a more secretive/anon name. I made a couple of posts on each, then abandoned it. Instead, I started relying mostly on just one friend to help me. May 2018: I got a new job, working for a games developer. It literally changed my life. Anxiety/depression started to clear up a lot, things just generally improved. June/July-ish 2018: I left my band. There was an argument about the fact another band was using our space for free, after we had offered it to them at a split rate and they declined. I instigated the argument, other members didn’t see eye to eye with me, so I quit. It was a final nail in the coffin kind of thing, but it was certainly the healthy thing to do. The whole situation had been kind of toxic for a little while, but I now get on just fine with all of them - I think if I had stayed much longer, that might not be the case. Our vocalist left very shortly after me as well - I don’t know the reasons why, but it seems the terms were... less happy.

September 2018: I started taking Japanese classes. Met a girl, had a crush on her for a bit, it didn’t go anywhere as usual. No biggie.

December 2018: Depression came back a bit, as it always does around then. Not much I can do about it so I just power through.

February 2019: I got made redundant from work. I was cool with it, I could see it coming for a while and there was like 12 other people too, my boss had fought hard to keep me but the game wasn’t doing so well, so I totally get it. I got a nice redundancy pay (which they by no means had to give me, so I’m super grateful). I applied for a job with another studio; quite a big one called Jagex. They were far from me so it would’ve involved moving and stuff, so quite scary. I made it to the final stages, but didn’t get it.

I now had a fair lump of cash (I had been saving for a house anyway), but not quite sure what to do with it. Followers of my previous blog can probably guess what I decided to spend it on...

April 2019: I went back to Japan! My mental-health-reset trip mark 2. I spent about two and a half weeks there (despite fucking up and accidentally buying a ticket to return mid-may... whoops). I got detained in China on my way home too but that’s a whole other story (it was all sorted and fine in the end).

While in Japan, I had time to clear my head and think. I decided I wanted to go back to university, so started thinking about how that would work. Here in the UK, we get a student loan to pay for university. It’s a bit complicated, but the way it works is you get your course length plus one year of funding. The day you set foot on campus, you use one year of funding. Now, I had already been to university previously - I studied music production. Totally dead industry, I dropped out about three weeks into my second year. That meant, I only had course length minus one year’s funding left available. So I have to pay the first year of university myself. At a cool £9,250.

My dad agreed to pay one term, so one third of that. I managed to save up another terms worth by working over the summer. I’m sat in my uni dorm right now, still not quite sure how I’ll pay for the third term... but I’ve got 6 months to figure that one out.

May 2019: I returned to my original job, back in the warehouse. Picking and packing sacks of bird food, so much fun. My mental health naturally slipped again, although everyone was really friendly to me while before it was kinda like I didn’t exist, so that was nice.

Around this time, I also joined an Overwatch team. It was a pretty big team with maybe 14-15 members, it was cool to make some new friends. Except one guy, was a dick. This OW stuff is like a whole side story from hereon... Anyway, I said to my squad leader (We’ll call her SN) that this guy is a dick. She said ok and she’d go talk to him. She said do you agree you’re being a dick, he said no. She said do you acknowledge one of the squad members thinks you’re being a dick? He said no again. Some other stuff I don’t know happened, and he got kicked off the team. He turned a load of people against her, caused loads of drama, and everyone blamed her when it was 100% my fault. So that was fun. The only reason I didn’t leave the team right then is because if I had, the entire drama would’ve been for nothing.

June 2019: My old boss who didn’t work there appeared at the end of may. I have a job for you. Ominous... but ok. Turns out, there was a new system being implemented on another contract. As I had experience with QA, and had done some IT stuff for them before, they wanted me to help with the testing and implementation. It was a job that would test my brain, while requiring little physical work - it was perfect for me. I really enjoyed it. It was supposed to be a four week thing, but we found lots of niggly little problems in the system... as far as I know, it’s actually only just gone live - but may have been delayed further.

While working up there, obviously there was downtime while waiting for fixes to be implemented. “What, you want this label a different size? oof, that’s gonna take about three weeks”. However, I got to stay in the office, doing odd jobs and stuff. One of the “odd jobs” ended up being a full on Android app, that my boss and me developed together. It was super fun to work on and really rewarding. That was worked on on-and-off between June and August.

July 2019: an interesting month. There was a major incident at work where a shelf holding very heavy metal shit stirrers collapsed. (The contract was a water treatment etc company, who provide all the clean water and water recycling for my local area. The things on the shelf literally stirred shit.) No one was hurt but it was a lot of drama, which was kind of entertaining to me as I was totally bunking off for the whole week where it happened. Not just the occasionally check Facebook on your phone at work kind of bunking off; I literally just messed about on Discord and worked on Minecraft mods for about two weeks straight. They had given me quite a big project to do, I automated the process... gg ez.

Around this time, the game I had been a part of before was to be officially cancelled. My old work invited me down to the studio to be a part of the formal funeral for the game, which was a big honour. I even got to fly the sky-whale which was awesome. It was bittersweet though, as the game meant a lot to me and had literally changed my life.

August 2019: haaaaaa august was a meme. I’d gotten kinda close with a girl (we’ll call her AP) in my Overwatch team. Like, we’d arranged to meet up at the end of August anyway but yeah, she was the first crush in a long time who actually knew I liked her. And she had certainly implied she felt the same way... like she’d been sending lots of hearts and stuff and talking to me 24/7, tagging me in “X has to take you on a date to Y place” memes and so on.  Anyways, so SN had apparently picked up on the fact I liked her, and started getting super pissy with me. I was pretty good friends with SN and we got on well, but in August she suddenly started getting crazy angry with me over tiny things. It all came to a head when I let AP kill me in a game (long story). Turns out, SN was like in love with me... despite breaking up with her boyfriend of over a year like 2 days before this conversation. So yeah, she told me to fuck off and that was that, she left the team etc, which thanks to chain of command meant that I was then in charge. fun. 

Anyways, get to the end of August, and I was due to meet AP. We met up, it was pretty cool. We hung out at a gaming festival, then suddenly like half way through she was like “lets split up for a bit” and I was like ........ok thats weird but alright. We didn’t meet up again until literally when she had like 2 mins to go, but it seems like she had a lot more fun without me being there. Clearly I’d done some major fuckup, which I still don’t actually know what it was. I had an anxiety attack before I even reached my car... and not a little one either. It’s quite possibly the biggest anxiety attack I’ve ever had, I barely made it to my car before having a total meltdown. It was the first one I’d had for about a year and it hit hard. It took me about 30 mins to calm down, then I headed home. 

I messaged her that night and asked her what happened, and she replied with “oh I never said I liked you”. It hurt a lot, like I’d been totally lead on. But hey whatever, that’s my life in a nutshell right? “Oh you want this happiness? this happiness right infront of you? HA nah”.  She said in the same message that I “seemed cool” and she’d like to hang out again sometime. But literally within a week she was clearly interested in another guy, so yeah whatever. We’re still friends and play games from time to time but I know she likes this other guy, so yeah. I still like her but whatever, not much I can do about it.

Work was a meme as well. I got taken off the fun and interesting projects to do paperwork. Literally, my job was to scan 35,000 documents because they couldn’t find a couple of bits of information. I suggested much better and more efficient ways, but the boss of the contract was like “no thats bad do it this old fashioned way we don’t want any fancy apps or anything” (I had suggested a spreadsheet or database). It took me about 3 weeks of just standing by a scanner which would jam up every 15-20 sheets in. It was mental health hell, especially in the last week after all the AP stuff had happened.

September 2019: I had one week left at work. I finished the hellish scanning project on Monday afternoon. “Oh as a thanks for your massive hard work we’ll make sure to find you things to do for the rest of the week” No it’s fine, I’m happy to just finish a few days early so I have more time to prep for uni. “No no no, we’ll find you stuff to do” They did not find stuff for me to do. I literally sat there, with nothing to do bar a few odd jobs “hey can you fix this printer”, for four days. It was incredibly mind-numbingly dull. The only thing ticking me over was “hey, maybe they wanna give me a card on my last day or something to say good luck and bye and thanks for doing this literal £20/hr job for half that because you’re agency staff”. But nah, a few people said cya later, but a lot forgot I was leaving entirely. So that was a fun way to finish what had mostly been a decent job...

I then had two weeks of freedom, before moving to university on the 21st. I was nervous; who wouldn’t be? but it was cool. I finally moved out of my house, and had a place where I could make a lot of new friends (LOL). On the day I moved in, I met up with someone I’d spoken to online a few times who was living in the same building as me, we’ll call her S. She was nice, we got on well, and it was kinda cool to have a friend who was a girl that for once I didn’t have a crush on (coz I’m still totally hung up on AP). We ended up going to a club in the evening which I’ve literally never done in my life, and she brought me out of my comfort zone a lot. She was great for my anxiety and really helpful. We’ve hung out a few times since, but I kind of feel like I was just a “filler friend” until she made new friends. She actually totally blanked me when I walked past her today, so that was fun. She has my Switch atm too coz I let her borrow it, I’ll probably just get it back later this week and then be done, its like I put in all the effort to be a friend and she couldn’t care less.

Anyways, so as I said I moved in on Saturday. I met one of my four flatmates on Saturday and another on Sunday, but hadn’t seen the other two at all. It gets to Thursday and I’m tidying the kitchen a bit, my mum’s about to pick me up so I can move in my last few things, and one of the mystery people appeared - she hadn’t actually moved in yet and was just unloading her stuff. She had loads of kitchen stuff, seems she’s really into her cooking.

Anyway, mum picks me up, we go to get my stuff, then we’re driving back, and my phone starts blowing up. S: Are you in? Me: No, why? S: Your building’s on fire. Me: lol nice joke S: no really *picture of everyone evacuated with fire engines outside* S: It’s your floor too, idk which flat. I wasn’t far out, so found her outside when I arrived. I’ve seen people going in, not being funny but one of them looked like [one of my flatmates]. Shit.  A few mins later, the girl who had just moved in came over. You know it’s our flat right? Shit. Turns out the extractor fan on the cooker malfunctioned. I won’t share the video itself coz one of my flatmates is in it, but yeah it just started spraying molten something all over the hob and surfaces. (They said it looked like molten metal, and they were there - but I don’t see how it would’ve gotten hot enough to melt any metal. My best guess is fat that hadn’t been cleaned from last years tenants)

So yeah, we got moved into another flat. The open cupboard right there was my one - I rescued my custom cup from it that the games studio had given me. It’s no good to drink from now, but it still looks ok so I’m glad I can keep it for decorative purposes at least. The rest of the food is waste, and I have to wait for the plates etc to get cleaned. I’m currently eating ready meals out of their cook-in containers, because I don’t have any plates, and only one fork and spoon. I bought some paper plates today though so I’ll use those from tomorrow, but I still don’t have any saucepans or anything.

I wasn’t around when they sorted out the replacement accommodation. Because of that, the other four from my flat went to the same new flat together, with one new person. I was put into a different flat which also had one other person in, my building manager assured me they’re “really nice”. I asked if they knew I was coming, BM said “they’ll know when we get up there :)”. That was Thursday, today is Monday. The only food in the kitchen is mine, I’ve not seen anyone. I’m 100% positive I’m alone in this flat.

And so yeah, that’s my uni experience so far. I had my first lectures today, it was cool because I already knew all the stuff so I got to feel smart (I’m doing computer games programming, and it was mostly about design docs which I read through extensively while working at the studio, so I knew exactly how they worked etc). But, I didn’t really make any friends. I kind of joined in with a couple of other people in each lecture, but it seems like they weren’t really interested, so whatever. I had an anime society taster this evening as well, and it was when I was on my way to that that S blanked me and I just got hit my like a wave of loneliness. I didn’t make any friends at the anime society, so I kinda just gave up and came back to my flat, and started writing this. As I was getting the fire picture from above though someone asked me if I wanted to hang out, so guess I’ll see how that goes. Not holding out much hope tbh and I’m at the point of becoming a full on hermit... I mean hey, at least I’d get a perfect score on my degree if I just focus on that and eliminate any social aspect right?

Finish time: 21:38 Length:  3,302 words/16,759 characters

[crystalnet]

My Top 10 Video Gamesss

I'm really bored so I'm just gonna do this, fuck it. Top 10 from a guy whose genre of choice is the action-(J)RPG, of which makes up about half this list. I'm gonna try to keep it pretty short and sweet, cuz like who cares, like why am I even doing this who cares. (Digibro says text-blogging is dead, like I need to make videos but like who would want to watch the video of some rando listing things either? Idk, like I don't really get any motivation for anything anymore. But I do like games/JRPGS soooo.... without further ado...). Also I'm doing a 1-game-per-franchise rule 'cuz otherwise it'd be largely Zelda and Final Fantasy because I have good taste, am sheepish and bland, and overly-content with the same 2 franchises. But yeah, I'm digging a little deeper here. 

1. Zelda Breath of the Wild-

This may seem risky, audacious and possibly even sacrilege to put a game that is only like 5 months old on this list, but really this is the only game that I could really confidently put on my top spot. I think this game is just about perfect, and even though its not technically my genre of choice, it comes pretty close to a JRPG, and yet feels more pure than that, and somehow even deeper in a way. I'm just astounded by everything from the mechanics, to the presentation to the flow of this game and more. But especially those things probably. The "flow" of this game for example feels so fucking organic and open-ended that it essentially feels like no other game I've ever encountered. You can wander for hours semi-aimlessly and still have an amazing time and work towards progress. 

The climbing/paragliding thing is just about the coolest mechanic I've ever seen or played in a game and works as a really amazing foundation for one of the underlying aspects of this game, which is sheer unadulterated exploration. And I was saying it somehow reminds of a JRPG even tho it's Zelda and that has everything to do with the deep item-management and collecting, the deep cooking/crafting system, and the huge array of weapons which all transform the combat from being vanilla-as-fuck as it was in previous console Zeldas (barring Skyward I suppose) to really cool, challenging and pretty dang deep, for a Zelda game at least. And that, along with so much of this, including the incredible different experimental non-linearity of it, make this unlike any other than Zelda save the first, revolutionary entry. A lot of the depth also has to do with the crazy deep physics. Did I mention the physics?? And though there's only like 5 dungeons (I easily count Hyrule castle, and this is not including 120 shrines and the various fortresses/mazes), they're really ace and easily rival my favorite Zelda dungeons in the way in which the structure of the dungeons must themselves be manipulated in order to solve their puzzles (my next top 5 is gonna be Top Zelda Dungeons btw..). 

So yeah, this game is just freakin' incredible and this iteration of Hyrule is probably my favorite game world of all time. Every inch of it is beautifully lit, realized, and filled to the brim with little puzzles, shrines, formidable foes and questing galore. Also the horses. The horses are sick. And yeah, climbing to the tops of mountains and paragliding down (or later using Revali's Gale to ascend rapidly) is the most free I've felt in a game since the weirdly amazing web-slinging in Spider-Man 2 (PS2). Also the difference between how weak and basic you feel at first to how you feel toward the end when you have the Master Sword, a crazy good arsenal of weapons that you've curated, all the spells and Shiekah slate magic and all the amiibo-dropped gear attained from an illegal/frowned-upon amiibo deck is freakin awesome and even cooler than the dynamic progression of something like Dark Souls. And the whole first 10-20 hours or so of a new file are especially “special” to me. Not that it gets less fun-- in many ways it gets more fun as you get more capable and experienced-- but the Plateau segment is a master class in tutorial segment design, and the way you learn to live off the land is kind of incredible... There’s this whole Buddhist-esque anti-attachment thing the game forces you to accept regarding early weapons breaking all the time that help make you depend so heavily on scavenging and exploring and always looking for more loot just so that you can survive. You really learn to live off the land, and well that’s beautiful. And everything about all the various mechanics and the world feel so holistic and cohesive and unified in a way that I just haven’t really seen before.  Anyway, yeah I could go on but I think that mostly sums it up. This is the only game where it feels like your actually exploring an amazing natural environment, but without like sore feet and bugs and being sweaty and stuff. It's just all the good stuff involved in taking in a crazy beautiful environ. I already said that but yeah. This game feels restorative, peaceful, meditative. And I never get sick of those lonely little piano chords. It's good. Perfect even. Really a masterwork for me. And the DLC is sweet to boot and still incoming, so yeah. Me likey.  2. Final Fantasy XV-

Where I feel really good picking BotW as my #1, and can do it without hesitation, and it's not even a tough call to make as my favorite entry of its respective franchise, this one is a bit more complex. And like a lot of FF fans would probably rightfully scoff and write me off right away, whereas Zelda fans would probably be more accepting of BotW as the top pick. Because it involves a shit ton of caveats. For one thing, deep deep down, FFXI will actually always be my favorite video game experience of all time. Always. Forever. Sorry not sorry BotW. But I'm not putting that one, because I feel like there's something weird about listing an MMO that I only played for 3 years as a child and can't really revisit in a real capacity. Its sealed in time and perhaps that's what makes it special. Sure I could get on one of the couple of PC servers still going but it wouldn't be the same. Another caveat is FFVII, IX, and XII (Zodiac Age!!) are all, to me, way classier and probably on a technical level "better" than XV. And yet, I'm kind of have this disease where 64-bit games have aged worse for me than any other gen, and while XII is fucking awesome (Zodiac!! ^.^;;), I don't have quite as much fun playing that as XV (though its pretty close...). Somehow, despite all its short-comings, FFXV almost perfectly captures the charm and joy of this series, and all my memories of it, while containing them within a fucking gorgeous-- immaculately so at that-- package that is super freakin' playable compared to older turn-based titles. Like, ATB/turn-based FF will always be more "legit" in a sense, but I can't deny I am an action-JRPG addict and this game hits the sweet-spot for me.

Did I mention how beautiful it is? While some might see the new fixation on open-worlds as kind of redundant-- and BotW has now kind of revealed the flaws in the old triple-A formula for them--, I think this is just a reeeeally good rendition of the "open-world" concept, which is something I always wanted in FF. And while you can't join in with other players like in XI and carve your own path in the world (multiplayer is coming though...), there is a certain feeling of freedom felt in this game that makes so many other FF titles seem so limited (lookin at you XIII). Also, pretty. It's pretttttty. And if BotW's Hyrule is my favorite game-map, Eos is my favorite world in terms of like lore, look, and design. It's freakin cool. It looks real and there are cars and there are modern-looking people like us but there's also crazy monsters, magic, teleportation, robots and evil empires (well those are real). And the monsters seem like something out of an otherworldly Nat. Geo. the way everything is so wonderfully detailed. Its freakin cool Dinotopia shit in this bitch. So yeah, while there are flaws-- notably of which are the lack of customization in character-progression that I love in games like XII Zodiac Age and with the kind of unrealized story which is spread mercilessly across an anime mini-series and OVA-- this game feels like a perfect monument to my favorite series of all time. And like you can play all Nobuo songs while exploring this amazing world. Like seriously that tiny little feature is what puts this over-the-top. Otherwise I might have honestly chosen IX or XII Zodiac Age 'cause they're classy AF and the RPG mechanics are deeper. But fuck it, when I play this, it's basically the best visualizer for an endless Nobuo Uematsu soundtrack I could imagine. And like Shimumura's new stuff is great on top of that. This point falls apart 'cuz I could just play an FF actually composed by Nobuo, but like this way it's like an endless loop of my personal favorite Nobuo. Nobuo... 

But anyway... Yeah I like the look, combat, magic, world, characters, chocobos, and the look again. Also the potential... I think multiplayer could be really, really cool honestly. So while it bears some of the issues all post-Enix-merger FF games have (like weirdly dropping parts of the plot which is like...why???, or the fact that they're having to patch it all year, and are adding stuff (can you say DLC $$$$)), it's still a minor masterpiece for me. And while not as deep, or even as charming as old PS1 FF or 16-bit FF, its just so damn playable. I'm not a good retro-gamer like other people-- I like my games new and bright/shiny, and this game is shiny AF. So yeah. I clearly have to defend the hell out of this, but fuck it, it's great. Like seriously the design of everything? Just walk around and like look at it. LOOK AT IT. Character models!!! Lighting!!! Facial animation and movement!!! Omg. Okay, yeah I'll leave it at that. Don't hate me. 3. Super Smash Bros Wii-

I feel like I don't even have to explain this one. This is quite simply the perfect multiplayer game. And as with BotW and FFXV, I like these latest iterations a lot, which may seem sheepish and like plebian-core but fuck it. Melee was reeeeally fun back in like 2008, but I'm not trying to play that rn. Robin all day. And Cloud?? So yeah, there's just something kind of endlessly sweet about a game where the likes of Mario, Pac-Man, Sonic, Megaman, Cloud, Ryu and... Bayonetta (??) all collide in a game with amazing physics, awesome platform-y freedom-of-movement and a deep competitive scene which almost make this seem like some kind of weird master-game. Like the Master Sword of games. An Einherjar/Valhalla of all videogame character of fame and fortune. So yeah, its great. I can't speak about it to it to the length I did with FF and BotW because I feel like it speaks for itself. Its just pure, unadulterated Nintendo/pan-franchise world-colliding fun. 4. Nier Automata-

Nier/Drakengard lore is fucking crazy, deep as hell, and multi-faceted AF and Yoko Taro is freeeeakin cool and the best game director this side of Hideo Kojima. And where the first Nier is an amazing, lovably imperfect game-- clunky combat, and weird genre-hopping and all-- this one is like freakin' awesome to play front-to-back. Unless you like don't like abruptly inserted bullet-hell segments. But the main combat is irrefutably sick, which is crazy. Platinum games took a reeeeally weird game-world and made it feel super slick despite all the amazing quirks that are inherent to Yoko Taro's games. Also this is one of my like top 5 maybe 3 game soundtracks of all time. It's amazing and reminds me of my favorite Yuki Kajiura soundtrack for .Hack//Sign. Is there a term for awesome vaguely medieval-ish female-vocal heavy mystic-sounding music? 'Cause this game has it in spades and it's freakin sweeeet. Alongside some like soulful adult-contemporary R'n'B ballads? Buy yeah, amazing-feeling combat, a plethora of combos and weapons, a solid amount of depth to character progression, and really fun bullet-hell segments make this game sooooo playable and maybe my favorite action-RPG of all time (FFXV doesn't quite feel like a true action-RPG?)

But then, on top of that it has an amazingly evocative story, with wonderfully dynamic characters who are lovingly revealed over the course of multiple play-through, in a an epic struggle that revels in the philosophy of Sartre, Kierkegaard, and Marx among others. That in itself is freakin' crazy. Games/anime/movies with AI characters or like androids can be so cliche in their exploration of existentialism, and this game can seem like its gonna be like that at first, but it ends up making good on its promises, and functions as just a really cool exploration of a rich philosophical tapestry. And it's all beautifully told, in these really nice semi-muted colors and with these super lovely character models. Plus the open-world is surprisingly great to run around. I love the over-grown human city thing, and the super atmospheric music come together with the aesthetic to make this game so emotional. Like honestly, along with other aspects of the story, this game is sooooo feels-heavy for me. It can be really sad, and there's this amazing dichotomy/friction between how fun it is to play, and how like strait-up bad it can make you feel sometimes. To like even play it. Getting into that would be spoiler-y and stuff, but yeah I'll kind of leave it to there. The story is awesome. 2B and 9S are amazing. The concepts and way this game actually effect you are super unique, and all the presentation-aspects bring it together so beautifully. It's just like... wow. Like play this game. then play it 5 times to get all the endings. 5. Metal Gear Solid V-

I almost have to make the same caveats I did for FFXV for this game as well. Yes, I know, it's not perfect. It partly represents like the downfall of this whole series, and the darker side of video-games in general. There's a pachinko-level pay-wall type thing inserted right into this and there's some behind-the-scene drama involved that strait-up led to Kojima's departure from Konami? (firing??) Idk, idc, I don't have the energy for that, honestly. So maybe I'm a horrible MGS fan, but I'll be damned if I don't love this game unabashedly. I first played it during a time when I had basically spent 5 years not playing any video games besides Smash, and it was an amazing reintroduction into the world of triple-A titles. Emergent gameplay. Openness. The most handsome character model of all time (Big Boss is my daddy). And that Asia song "Only Time Will Tell". Seriously-- something about the way that song synchs up with the feel of sneaking into an Afghani military outpost in the early 1980's any damn way you please is like the story of this game for me, and part of why it's on this list. That song is everything. Like in the context of this game that is. But also outside of it too? But yeah the sheer openness is just incredible. Not open in the same way like Skyrim or BotW is, but in terms of how you complete each and every mission. It feels like your writing the script to your own big action movie every time you set out. Like the game doesn't force anything on you. Did I mention Big Boss is fucking hot. 

And yeah, great music, gameplay and overall presentation, and the cool base-management stuff adds this really cool RTS-ish depth that fleshes out the game wonderfully. Add some solid online PVP, a sweet mech and the gatdamn coolest most open-ended stealth gameplay I'm aware of, and you have yrself a winner. Sorry old, classic MGS, I gotta go with the new model. It's just so damn playable. Like yeah, I know, Konami is like really bad, and fucked up, and like if I really respected Kojima maybe I wouldn't chose this one? But like man I can't help it. I love it soooo much, contemporary triple-AAA-developer-dysfunction and all. Oh and Asia. And the Pere Ubu "Man Who Saved the World". And "Take On Me". Honestly without the tape-collecting/playing this might not be included. But yeah, its clearly great.

6. Dark Souls- Idk, I'm not even a huge Souls guy but this game is kind of breathtaking. I got it for cheap and went in a skeptic, and remained that way for a decent chunk of it, but around the time I was getting to Sen's Fortress things started to click like crazy. This game is undeniable and I'll leave it to the plethora of well-made YouTube analyzers to really get into why. But for me, as far as action-RPGs go, this feels like it has some of the most legit customization and progression of any RPG I've played. It's got an amazing world, with the vertical-nature of the map and way that inter-locking various paths slowly reveal themselves is an amazing thing to behold as the game unfolds. I also just really love the online aspects of this game. I played this game when Dark Souls III was just about to come out and it gave it this kind of spooky feeling. Like I still got invaded a good bit and had help when I wanted it from others, but I could tell it wasn't as busy as it might have been during its initial hey-day. Like playing a weird culty Dreamcast game online in like 2005 (Phantasy Star Online anyone?). This spooky feeling of people being there but not at the same time fits the lore and the world itself really well and that aspect is probably even more exaggerated now (plus the fact that I fuck co-op proves im a n00b). But the fact people were still playing it at all, and still do to this day, speak to how singular and amazing it is. For me, this is just the end-all be-all as far as  archetypal high fantasy worlds go-- at least as far as the darker side of things go. Its a bit heavy metal and dreary for me as far as fantasy goes (I like my shit kinda twee and anime-core), but if I want dark and bleak, with an underlying sense of old-world scenic beauty, this game is unbeatable. Like literally, I can't beat it. That's my one complaint: too hard! I'm a noob, maybe one day I'll git gud and stop getting wrecked-- one can hope... 7. Persona 5

This is weird to put after Dark Souls 'cuz if I'm honest I feel like this game has so much more charm and character and like personality than Dark Souls? Idk, I guess I can make that claim. Like Dark Souls has tons of personality, but like Persona 5? I guess it has to do with my slight preference for action-RPG over turn-based, but this game almost seems like one long ass 100 hour+ trek through sheer charm and personality. Hm, PERSONA-lity? Wow genius. But really, this game is just dripping with unique style and charisma. And I'll be honest, I wen't in expecting a lot and for a solid like 20 hours initially I wasn't all that into it. I'm still kinda an SMT noob so I think I'm just impatient for how long this game takes to reveal itself. It's just freakin big and deep that it literally takes that long and then some to truly get going. But once it does... oh boy does it. I think it might be the coolest turn-based game I've ever played in terms of just the sheer combat itself (sorry all pre FFXI Final Fantasy games???). Equal parts FF at its deepest and classiest and Pokemon at its um. Well idk, it's not as Pokemon as Ni No Kuni, but the Persona-collecting system is freakin great. And the level of challenge the combat/dungeons have seem almost pitch-perfect in a way RPGs rarely do. And then add in all the social links/dating sim components, and the open world, and the weird Sly Cooper-inspired stealthy dungeon-crawling and you have like one of the craziest, coolest most legit JRPGs of all time.

But yeah the saving grace for me is the actual turn-based system/combat itself. For a turn-based, its bizarre how kinetic and speedy it can feel. You have all the time you need to strategize if you so chose, but once you know what your doing it can be like lightning, right up until the point where your arguing with a demon to either fork over some loot or join your party, or else your moving fluidly back into great dungeon-crawling action. And then yeah all the crazy super-Japanese high-school student simulation stuff rounds things out delightfully. Like, I admit I like my RPGs to either be high fantasy or else cyber-punky and this is neither of those. Like I'm not even sure what aesthetic so much of this is... smooth jazz and sassy r'n'b moodiness, and like Japanese high-school-attending outcasts who moonlight as stylish treasure-hunting demon-slaying thieves and fight against the inner-world manifestations of corrupt adults-- like what is that vibe? I really don’t know, but I suppose its something all true otakus understand on some inherent level, even if it does remain mysterious and ever allusive in its charms to me. 

But the story is cool and huge (Seriously, 100+ hours! What?!!?) and plumbs psychological depths and doesn’t pull punches when it comes to getting a little dark, if maybe in a somewhat simplistic way. But yeah, this game oozes charm, like in the way Mona is so undeniable as a side-kick. I mean they’re almost annoying too but then like, no, Mona’s pretty great though. There are things I can almost imagine it doing that would make me like it even more (like the whole day-cycle thing never quite feels as open as I want it to? But like if it was it'd be like 300 hours. Just that thing where you speed through yr day and almost skip right to one scene in-class and then BAM its after-school), but yeah like this nitpick doesn't even fully make sense. It's just that this game is open-ended af and yet it can also sometimes feel kind of like your spending a lot of time clicking through text without a ton of control. But really that's just the like first 20-30 hours. And again the combat is just undeniably solid. So yeah, it's lite-novel-y and when yr not in dungeons it can seem like yr clicking through an anime almost, but I mean that's kind of also what makes it amazing.

And I'll just touch lightly on presentation stuff like the amazing soundtrack and the f a b u l o u s  style of all the menu's and just over-all visual flair of this game, 'cause literally everyone notices that instantly. The dungeons also seem kinda weirdly PS2-looking to me, but like it doesn't matter. This game has a crazy amount of depth and charm that make more immaculate looking triple-A's seem soulless. Plus, yeah like all the menu stuff and like visual segues make it seem so much more stylish than them too even though its clearly not on the same level technically. So yeah, this game’s a lot of win. I was skeptical of the hype honestly, and aspects of Persona 4's world are a little cooler to me still, but man this game is just like... yeah it's good. It's soo long and so written and chock full of a very distinct kind of charm that it seems comparable to having some kind of weird virtual pal inside my ps4 (Does that sound sad ^.^;;). Like it's just cool to know I can always pop it in and hang out with my old pals Ryuji, Ann and Morgana. And Makoto.  For like 100 more hours now. How long is this? Where am I, I've been playing it for 3 days, help!? 8. Odin Sphere Leifthrasir-

I'll have less to say to this 'cuz I'm pretty new to the hype-train and thank god 'cuz I wrote way too much about P5? But yeah, this game is the addictively-awesome side-scrolling action-RPG/Beat-'em-up I didn't know I needed in my life. At first I thought the over-all look was kind of not really my thing, but I've done a full 180, and while its not the like more traditional anime/FF-esque style I'm used to, I've come to see just how beautiful and fresh its style is. And then the combat itself is sweeeeeeet. Endlessly playable and as deep as you'd want a still kinda light-feeling action-RPG to be. Plus there's a deep cooking system which just always takes good action-RPGs or any game over-the-top for me. Most of the game is done exploring these really fun combat-filled levels but some respite is found in the mini-farming and cooking mechanics. And the crafting adds an extra dimension as well. Soooo deep. I also love that it scores you on how stylishly your playing by tracking yr combos. This is one of the more fluid and engagings JRPGs I’ve played, and the hand-drawn look is to die for. So yeah, I'll keep it short and sweet, but the action is great, the characters' various play-styles are wonderfully varied, and the overall presentation is just so unique and cool. Oh and the story ends up being like really legit? Caught me by surprise. It's mostly just good old fashioned sprite-based fun, with a really sick Norse-inspired fantasy aesthetic. A video game's video game (what does that mean?? (you get it)).

9. Dark Cloud-

The true OG "Dark" action-RPG of my dreams and heart-- sorry Dark Souls, you were a decade late. This game encapsulate the joy of PS2-era action-RPGs, a high-point for the genre. The kind of vaguely bland-but-still-unique fantasy look of it (a successful "Ocarina-killer" for my money, on a visual level at least), the procedurally-generated dungeon crawling, and the freakin’ awesome city-building and NPC-interacting make this game pure win. Like yeah, its a bit clunky with its combat, but charmingly so for me. Its mostly just got this really nice sustained vibe of like sheer pleasantness all throughout, and I just can't get enough of its over-all vibe after all these years. Harder to put this one into words... but yeah the city-building and little tiny touches with all the NPC-helping and questing is what make it special for me. Especially the city-building (you get to restore these little towns that have been ravaged and you have to make everyone happy with the way you set things up. So Japanese and so fun..) Like what a cool, weird feature that ends up being great. Idk, its great. I like the vaguely arabian-ish vibe too. It's just...  really good. It's just sheer PS2-style win. So yeah this one is mostly a lot on inarticulate nostalgia but fuck it. 10. .Hack//Infection-

Speaking of inarticulate nostalgia...Now I can't quite say this game is like truly a "good" game? All the way through at least. In some ways its part of a big cash-grab for Bandai-Namco. I'll go with the first one in the series, but its really just a piece of a whole along with 3 other games, that may have been a bit padded and intentionally designed to leach a whopping 200 US from a true dreamer back in the day, who just couldn't help themselves. BUT it's also kind of amazing. Like the combat and dungeon-crawling is a bit cut-and-dry (is it just me or are procedurally generated PS2 dungeons kind of sick?) but its enough. You have tons of party members to choose from, a plethora of magic scrolls to use if you so choose, and your 2 trusty little twin blades with which you can press X to slash with until the cows come home. A game like Kingdom Hearts as an action-RPG seems so much more fluid and kinetic and yet? Well KH is ridic, and if I'm gonna die on some hill for a goofy anime-core action-RPG it'll be this one any day. It combines my favorite aesthetics (mysterious celtic-y high fantasy AND cyber-punk) by way of being a game-within-a-game, and by being about a fictional MMO while not actually being an MMO it's kind of meta AF also. Also, the stuff with the emailing the other party members you meet and the system that has you increasing your bond through these simulated conversations with other players just reeeally gets to me, and seems cooler than Persona confidant-developing honestly. I'm a huge sucker for the original anime, and you got these really sick OVA anime discs with each entry which were set in the real world that the game existed in and even though that shouldn't factor in really, I admit it does. It all comes together as this kind of cool, weird, slightly-trashy anime wet-dream from my childhood at the end of the day. Also, some sick music, sick AF character designs, and an overall concept (that I'll actually defend to the death despite some of the superficial anime plotting/characters) round things out very nicely. Just the fact that this is a game about an MMO... like what a concept (and a decade before that SAO garbage fire shit). Plus Grunty raising. And the G.U. Last Recode remaster is right around the corner, OMG!!!!!!

also rans/runner ups: 11. SSX 3

12. Resident Evil 4

13. Katamari Damacy

14. Super Mario Galaxy

15. No More Heroes

16. Spider-Man 2

17. Catherine

18. Bomberman '93

19. Tekken 4

20. Marvel Vs. Capcom 2

[amphtaminedreams]

Sustainability for Beginners: Lookbook no.2

Hi to anyone who’s reading!

From the title, you can probably get an idea of what this little excerpt will be about. Fast fashion, its impact on the environment and its exploitation of workers in developing countries is a topic that has been brought to the forefront of online debate, and for good reason; most clothes that end up in landfills take over 200 years or more to decompose and garment production is one of the most significant pollutants of the planet. 80% of garment manufacturers in developing countries are women, 60% are under 18 and basic workplace expectations as we know them are non-existent: minimum wages, health and safety regulations and workers’ rights are severely lacking.

That being said (and this is a very first world struggle), making the transition from being blissfully unaware, or rather, wilfully ignorant of the damage caused by fast fashion when it is something you’ve mindlessly indulged in for years to partaking in it with a critical eye can be quite difficult. The reality is that whilst some high street retailers have a slightly better reputation than others, most do continue to outsource their production to countries with looser regulations such as Indonesia, Morocco and India in order to keep profits up. To stay away from fast fashion completely requires redirecting your attention away from the high street (online “budget” fast fashion retailers included) and towards independent, sustainable boutiques, second hand stores and charity shops. For a lot of people, this isn’t something that can be done overnight, similar to making the change to veganism or vegetarianism. Habit is a hard thing to conquer; I think a lot of people will relate to using binge eating as a means of instant gratification. In a similar vein, if binge shopping isn’t a term, I want to make it one, because I think it’s just as much of a high. Many a night has been spent giving in to poor impulse control and making a serious online shopping order. At least it’s not hurting myself, I’d think, not sparing a thought to the harm fast fashion does to others and our planet. We all have the need to consume so deeply ingrained into us that I think we develop a kind of blind spot with regards to the suffering it can cause; it’s a bit of an out of sight, out of mind situation.

There’s definitely a class dynamic to the fast fashion discussion too. It’s not realistic for everyone to purchase from sustainable brands, nor do they have the time to trawl charity shops for whatever’s “on trend”. A lot of people do also depend on high street retailers for their jobs. I think the ideal scenario would be that retailers start to realise how much consumers care about issues such as sustainability and workers’ rights, and make changes accordingly. Their intentions may be to keep us coming back, but if they are willing to treat workers more fairly, and we as consumers are willing to be more mindful of what we’re throwing out, that would already be a drastic improvement. 

So what’s the point of this post? What am I actually suggesting we do?

Well, if you can stop buying into fast fashion on the spot, great. But honestly, it would be naive to say this is achievable for the majority. Controversial, but I don’t think that the fashion industry as a whole needs to be crushed. I love everything about fashion. It sounds a little dramatic but I do think of it as an art form and one of the greatest outlets of self-expression. IMO, it comes down to, on a microlevel, being conscious of what we do with our clothes once we’ve bought them (check if your local charity shop actually needs clothes before lumping them with several bin bags of your stuff! It could easily end up in a landfill! Don’t throw stuff out! Use Depop! Swap clothes with friends!), but more importantly, letting retailers know that we do care about environmental and workers’ issues. The biggest way to do this? Speaking out, but more importantly, reducing their profit and thus reducing our consumption. The speaking out part of the equation is pretty self-explanatory. There was recently a petition going round, for example, to pressure H&M into following through on their promise to ensure a living wage for all their workers (had around 150,000 of 250,000 signatures when I signed it so it was doing pretty well, though I need to follow up on what became of it). Research the tragedies of fast fashion, the Rana Plaza collapse of 2013 being a pretty well known one, and keep it in circulation. 

With regards to reducing our consumption, personally, I’ve made an agreement with myself not to buy any new clothes until October. I recently went on a bit of a mad one, lol, and bought way too much from Motel Rocks and Pretty Little Thing, and so I intend not to buy anything else (unless it’s second hand) for 3 months. I’m generally pretty good at this; said shopping spree was my first since January. In the meantime, I want to look into sustainable but affordable brands for when I do next go shopping again (my friend recommended Nobody’s Child to me! I had no idea they were a sustainable brand as they are so affordable! House of Sunny is another one I just made an order from and their clothes are beautiful!). Good on You is a really helpful app that I recently downloaded that gives clothing stores ratings based on how ethical they are; they take multiple factors into account including how a brand treats its workers, its carbon footprint, and whether animals are harmed in the production of any of its garments. Until October, if I do feel like going shopping, I’m going to stick to Depop (which is super easy to browse and convenient to use), Ebay, and vintage/charity shops. Charity shops are definitely the more affordable option but most metropolitan cities do have areas dedicated to vintage shops and fashion and most will have a range of garments to suit all budgets. Of course London has Brick Lane’s Vintage Market and Camden Market, but I recently visited friends in Sheffield and Bristol which also both have areas known for a wide range of vintage shops all in close proximity. Ask the people you know for suggestions, as they’re likely going to be the best points of reference. Fuck Google, lol. 

Most importantly though, USE WHAT YOU HAVE, and this is the point that ties into this whole post. See, I challenged myself to come up with at least 10 new looks without any new clothes and clearly went a bit overboard, as I ended up with 18. There’s no neon, bodycon, or biker shorts, soz, so they aren’t necessarily the most “trendy” but I do feel they reflect my personal style in way that’s current. Layering is your best friend and simple touches like a belt or a piece of jewellery can bring something up to date if it’s been neglected for a year or so. I’m not gonna lie, I do intend to do a lookbook including some of the new clothes I got the other week (like I said, they’re the first lot of clothes I’ve bought since January, give me a break!), but I wanted to affirm to myself that I can do it without buying anything new as well and that I’ve got more than enough to last me until October. THE FACT THAT OUTFIT RECYCLING IS SOMETHING THAT EVEN HAS A FUCKING NAME, LET ALONE IS SUPPOSEDLY LOOKED DOWN UPON IS RIDICULOUS. Good fashion is timeless, you don’t need whatever ugly trend consumerism is trying to convince you is the peak of haute couture to make a statement, lol. 

So to finish off my ramble, here is the 18 outfits I put together from my already owned clothes. I’ve labelled where things are from just to fill the empty space, but I’m now realising it was a bit of redundant effort as it’s not like any of the things are available. Creating unnecessary tasks for myself: A Saga. Anyways, I intend to put a couple of pieces on my Depop over the next couple of days (@lozpez), so if you read all the way to the end and like anything, keep an eye out. And also thanks for reading!

Lauren x

DISCLAIMER: Background in the first 2 images are mine. 9 below are not. 3rd is a Malcom T.Liepke portrait sourced from Google, 4th is Alphonse Mucha! I’m not sure about the rest but if anybody happens to be reading this and does know, hmu!

[obsessedauthorchan-blog]

Shakespearean - Chapter 8

AO3 | Wattpad | FanFiction

The Study (not-)Date

Chapter Summary:

Let it begin!

(Plus, I introduce to you: le Dick!)

Chapter:

Jason was pleasantly surprised to find that the inside of Tim's home was fairly normal, albeit a little extravagant. It didn't really feel much like a home to him, though. It didn't really look lived-in or home-y. It looked like a museum, not somebody's house of many years.

Jason looked over at Tim, only to find that Tim was already looking at him, a questioning look on his face. He was probably wondering how Jason was going to react to the internal grandeur of Wayne Manor. Jason figured he'd been enough of an embarrassingly awkward poor kid for one day, so he played it cool. "Nice house, Timmy." He saw Alfred's eyebrow raise in his periphery at the nickname, which Jason noted for later. "Where would you like to study?"

Tim didn't move for a second, clearly a little surprised at Jason's sudden lack of a dramatic reaction, but he quickly moved on to better, more important things. "It depends on how much you want to be interrupted. My room means pretty much no interruptions. The library means near constant interruptions once Dick and Bruce get back from GCU and and the demon brat gets back from school." Jason's eyebrows shot up at 'the demon brat'. Tim saw and elected to explain. "Damian Wayne, the Little Prince of Wayne Manor and Heir Apparent to the wealth of Lord Bruce Wayne of Gotham." Jason's eyebrows did not recede from his hairline. Tim sighed. "The little runt is Bruce's only biological kid, Dick is too stubborn to accept any inheritance from Bruce anyway, I have enough money as it is, and neither of the girls are interested either. Damian gets the pot."

Jason was little a less confused (and a bit more concerned) than he was before the explanation, but he gave his tired forehead muscles a rest and relaxed his eyebrows. They'd been jumping up and down all day, so he figured they deserved a break. "Do you have a desk in your room?" Jason quickly realized that was a stupid question. Tim was a computer nerd and a billionaire. Of course he had a desk. "Never mind. I'm pretty certain you do. That works for me. If it works for you, of course."

Tim snorted and starting walking away. He took the stairs up a flight to the second floor, Jason following him. "I wouldn't have offered it as an option if it didn't work for me. I prefer it, actually." Jason couldn't decide if Tim preferring they work in his bedroom was only odd because Jason liked dudes and was interested in Tim or if it was just weird in general. Either it was weird in general or Tim also liked dudes, because Jason saw the back of his neck turn a bit red as he quickly explained, "The library, despite what the name would imply, isn't actually half as quite as my room, the chairs, while comfortable, aren't the most efficient thing for accomplishing anything but reading or napping, and that's where Dick and Bruce do ninety percent of their work and studying when they're home." He looked over his shoulder, and Jason saw that his cheeks were a bit red as well. "My room is a sanctuary."

Jason thought he might have heard Alfred snicker at his words from the bottom floor, but when he looked down he didn't see the man anywhere. He shook his head to rid it of the thought and turned back around, nearly bumping into Tim, who had stopped at the top of the staircase. "You heard it, too?" the younger man asked. Jason guessed that he was referring to the sound of amusement potentially uttered by Alfred, so he nodded. "Damn," Tim muttered, shaking his head wistfully. He turned back and continued from the top of the stairs down the hall to his room. "Alfred is a fricking ninja. You won't ever catch him making any sound or expression beyond innocence, boredom, or possibly irritation, at least not with any definitive proof. Not unless he's mad. If he's mad," Tim paused for dramatic affect and looked at Jason over his shoulder, "run. Run for your life, because it will depend on it."

Jason resisted the temptation to raise his eyebrows again. He settled for nodding solemnly. Tim opened the door to his room and stepped inside, dropping his messenger bag by the desk against one wall and kicking off his shoes. "Mi casa es tu casa," he said without turning around. He plopped down on the bed, motioning for Jason to take the desk chair, which actually looked hella comfy.

Jason set his bag down and sat on the chair, which was just as comfy as he had thought. He pulled out his copy of Romeo and Juliet. "So, how would you like to go about this? Any particular questions you have or anything?"

Tim shrugged and shook his head. "Not really. Honestly, despite your enthusiasm for the subject, I'd rather just BS as much of this class as I can and get it over and done with as little effort as possible. You know what I'm saying?"

Jason huffed something that was a cross between a laugh and a sigh. "Figures. Would you like me to help you get the basics or something or what?"

Tim smiled. "Just tell me something that will impress my professor or something? I may pretty much hate Shakespeare, but I'm still a bit of a teacher's pet. All of my professors have only nice things to say about me, and that was true for high school, too. I'd like to continue the pattern."

Jason thought for a moment, trying to come up with something that most people wouldn't know just from watching the play or movie version or from looking up the synopsis online. He smiled when he thought of something, hoping Tim's professor wasn't one of the many idiot teachers who taught on the subject without actually knowing this particular fact. "You know that balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet?"

Tim nodded with a weary expression. "How could I not? 'Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou, Romeo?'" Tim made a squeaky feminine voice and flailed his arms around dramatically. "It's probably one of the most recognizable scenes from any play ever. The only competition is probably 'To be, or not to be?'"

Jason tried to contain his smile - to no avail. "Maybe don't try out for theater, Timmers."

Tim rolled his eyes. "Whatever, Jason. What about the scene?"

Jason's eyes lit up. He loved being an English nerd. "Well, Timmy," he said, in his most patronizing tone. "Everybody thinks that, 'Wherefore art thou,' means 'where are you'. It doesn't. It actually means, 'Why are you'. People think it's weird that she asks where Romeo is and then goes on this long monologue about what's in a name, but its only weird because it's misinterpreted. Just like the word 'therefore' doesn't actually mean 'there', 'wherefore' doesn't actually mean 'where'."

Tim had looked extremely confused at the beginning, but by the end of Jason's explanation he had understood. "I can't believe I didn't figure that out myself. It's actually kind of obvious now that I think about it in terms of 'therefore'." He made a pouty expression. "Now I feel kind of stupid."

Jason smirked. "Don't worry. Ninety percent of English teachers don't even figure it out. Your professor should be impressed. If he isn't, that means that he didn't know that either and he feels stupid, so he won't show how impressed he actually is."

Tim nodded solemnly. "Logic. You have some. I like it."

Jason couldn't help but laugh. "Uh, thanks, Timber."

The younger man wrinkled his face up. "Where do you come up with all these nicknames?"

Jason shrugged and smirked, leaning back into the comfy chair. "I make them up as I go, mostly. I'm just witty like that."

Standing up, Tim went to get his bag from beside the desk. This brought him actually pretty close to Jason, but he did his best to ignore the proximity (though he did smell pretty good). Tim fished out his phone and his own copy of Romeo and Juliet before going back to the bed. He flopped on his stomach and propped his upper body up on a pillow, the book out in front of him and the phone thrown haphazardly somewhere on the bed. He sighed and looked back up at Jason. "I honestly don't know how you can enjoy this stuff."

Jason thought about it for a moment, but he couldn't really pin his reasons down himself. "I don't really know either, Timbo. I just kind of do." Tim looked dissatisfied with that answer, but he didn't press for a better one. "Why don't you like it?"

"Ugh," Tim groaned out in distaste. "It's so... familiar? I guess, I just kind of got tired of reading the same old plots wrapped up in different characters and time zones that I just didn't want to deal with any more of it. I saw the play, I saw a bunch of the movie versions, and I've read a million books with pretty much the same plot. When I finally got around to reading the original, it just seemed," Tim paused for a moment, trying to find the right word, "redundant."

Jason nodded. "Shakespeare actually stole a lot of his plot ideas from other people and works; he’s just the most popular. But I can see that, I guess. I've never seen any of the plays, never had any opportunities to watch a movie, and I guess I started reading Shakespeare before I got around to the copy-cat novels. That might be why I love it but you're tired of it."

Tim's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You've never seen the play for Romeo and Juliet?" Jason shook his head. “And you've never seen any of the movie versions?" Jason confirmed it. Tim rolled over onto his back, arms and legs spread out in a starfish-like position. He stared at the ceiling as though it contained the answers to life's deepest mysteries. "Good lord, you poor thing."

Jason was about to assure Tim that his life really wasn't all that bad, at least not because he hadn't seen a play or whatever, but Tim jerked to his feet before he could say anything. Tim stomped over to him and stood in front of him, bringing his face very close to Jason's with the fiercest look of intensity Jason had seen in years. "I'm taking you to see Romeo and Juliet. And you will see at least one movie version before you leave here tonight." At Jason's slack-jawed look of half-fear, half-bewilderment, Tim smirked. "Deal with it."

Jason forced himself back into action. "Tim, that's really not necessary. I mean, you need to study and-"

"No," he interrupted. He grabbed Jason's chair, spinning him around and pushing the chair out of the way. He turned on his desktop computer, which, Jason noted with satisfaction, was not a mac. Jason hated macs. They were unnecessarily confusing and difficult.

Tim thumped his fingers against the desk rhythmically, impatient with the computer despite how quickly it was actually loading. Tim had seemed pretty chill in the short time that Jason had known him, but this knew side of him was just a little scary. Jason kind of loved it. Pushy and bossy suited him well, especially when it seemed to come from some sort of deranged concern for Jason.

When the computer was finally booted (Jason merely used the word finally in order to represent Tim's impatience and his eventual relief when the computer was on, but it only took a few seconds), Tim opened an internet browser and searched for a movie. He clicked a link that was apparently for the movie he was looking for and paused it before it had gone more than a few seconds. He turned quickly to face Jason, a triumphant smile on his face. "You get comfy. I'll go get snacks." And with that, Tim rushed out of the room.

Jason wasn't really sure what to do, as the chair was already pretty comfortable to him, but he noticed that the room was a little chillier than he usually preferred, so he got up and grabbed a throw blanket he saw lying around. He turned the chair so it was properly facing the computer, making sure to leave enough room for Tim, though he didn't know where he would get another chair. Jason sat down and fitted the blanket over himself, making sure he was as cozy as possible.

It wasn't too long after that that Tim popped back into the room. He was pushing a rolling chair that looked almost as comfortable as Jason's, and it was piled high with popcorn, drinks (mostly soda), and assorted candy. Jason really didn't know where a majority of it came from, nor could he figure out just how Tim had managed to collect it all so quickly. He suspected Alfred had a hand in it all, but he wasn't certain, and he honestly didn't care much.

It was pretty easy not to care about such insignificant things when Tim Drake was smiling at him like that.

In a matter of seconds, Tim had pushed the chair over to the desk, close enough to Jason's chair for them to be touching. He un-piled the assorted snacks and drinks onto the desk, surrounding the keyboard in an impressive display. He then plopped down in his chair and wrapped his own blanket around himself, much as Jason had done. He looked over at Jason and winced slightly when he saw Jason's blanket. "Sorry it's so chilly in here. I actually hate the cold, but I like blankets and sweaters, so I keep it cold enough that I can snuggle." Jason couldn't keep his eyebrow from raising or the corner of his mouth from tilting up in a small smile at how adorable that was. Tim seemed to notice and his cheeks turned red.

The younger man quickly cleared his throat and turned to look back at the computer screen, obviously trying to get away from the previous subject. He reached an arm out from his blanket cocoon and used to mouse to play the movie. The opening scene played and Tim generously distributed the snacks between them. Jason got a large helping of popcorn and an assortment of sour patch kids and gummy bears. Tim had less popcorn and more sugary snacks, but Jason figured he probably needed that many to make it through the whole movie, considering he had already downed a good number of them by the time the first few scenes were through.

Jason was having a very hard time focusing on the movie. It was interesting, for sure, and he really did want to see the movie, but Tim was right next to them, and the close proximity of their chairs meant that their knees were touching, and Tim, despite the fact that he didn't like Shakespeare, seemed completely enraptured by the movie. His eyes were wide, and he never once looked away from the screen. Though Jason would always prefer books to movies, he couldn't help but want to watch as many movies as possible with Tim just to see if he always looked so focused.

The movie was almost half way over when the door suddenly flew open. "Hey, Tim! How ya doing, buddy?"

Both Jason and Tim jerked their heads to the side, staring up at the intruder with wide eyes. Tim's shocked expression quickly morphed into one of utter annoyance as he paused the movie. "Dick, you ass, ever heard of knocking?"

The man in the doorway, who was either Tim's older brother, Dick, or a different guy that Tim had decided to call a dick, had his own look of surprise on his face, but it soon turned into a grin that was just downright creepy. "Tim, is that a friend? Do you have a friend? In your room?" The grin got wider. "Are you two watching a movie?" He took a second to observe the computer screen. "Oh my gosh, are you guys watching Romeo and Juliet? That's awesome! Tim, I didn't know you had a," he suddenly lowered his voice, like he was telling them a secret, "boyfriend."

Jason was too stunned by the strangeness of it all to answer, so he just stayed quiet and looked back over to Tim, whose face was tomato red with barely controlled rage. "First of all, Dick, yes, he's a friend. You don't have to be an asshole about it. Second of all," his tone escalated from one of quiet anger to a near yell, "yes, that is Romeo and Juliet. We were actually enjoying it quite a lot, before some annoying little shit decided to interrupt us. Third of all, no." Tim stood up to his full height, which really wasn't very tall at all, but it looked rather intimidating when coupled with the expression of rage on his face "He is not my boyfriend. I don't have a boyfriend. Now go the fuck away!"

Dick (Jason had decided that he was, in fact, Tim's brother) looked slightly stunned for a moment before he grinned again, this one slightly less creepy. "Okay, okay. Whatever you say, Tim. I just wanted to say hi and let you know that Bruce and I are back, but whatever." He didn't look at all upset with how Tim had reacted to Dick's behavior, but Jason figured that was probably because he had enjoyed it.

He took a step inside the room and held his hand out to Jason. "I'm Dick, by the way. Tim's older brother."

Jason nodded and shook his head. "Jason."

Dick's face lit up. "Roy's roommate?" When Jason nodded again, his eyes filled with mirth. "So your’re the guy Tim spilled coffee all over. Nice to finally meet you. I've been longing for this day."

Jason smiled vaguely, fondly recalling the incident. When he looked over at Tim, however, he saw the mortification written plainly across his face, and his smile vanished. "Yeah, well," he said to Dick over his shoulder, "it really wasn't that big a deal." He smirked and made eye contact with Tim, who looked slightly less embarrassed. "I didn't really like that shirt anyway."

When the two looked back at Dick, they saw an expression that neither could quite read. While Tim seemed to recognize it as something unpleasant, judging by the groan he made, Jason was mostly just worried. "Anything else we can do for you?" Tim spat out.

Dick shook his head. "Nope. Just checking in." He raised his hands in a symbol of surrender and backed out of the room. "Nice to meet you Jason." He made to close the door, but he stopped before it was fully shut. "Oh, and Tim? Clark and Conner are coming over for dinner tonight. Just thought you might want to be prepared." And with that, the door was shut none-too-gently.

Jason turned back to Tim to see that his previous look of utter irritation had been replaced with something a little less aggravated. "You okay, Timmers?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Sorry about him." Jason just shrugged and didn't say anything else, waiting for Tim to initiate further conversation. After a couple beats of silence and an audible swallow, Tim asked, "Do you want to finish the movie or are you officially done with everything to do with Wayne Manor?"

Jason smiled. "I'd love to finish the movie. And I have nothing against Wayne Manor." His smile turned into a smirk. "Your brother's a dick though."

Tim laughed at the pun and nodded before playing the movie.

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