#His head is there so I'm counting it
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Remember
#sketch#hal strider#lil hal#hal homestuck#dirk strider#homestuck dirk#dirk homestuck#Technically#His head is there so I'm counting it#homestuck#Hal.art#🕶🔌
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first snow
#star wars fanart#dooku#count dooku#more vampire au#lord of the valley. protector of the people. deathless creature of the night#old tired man who hates cold feet so he's gonna head back to his castle now and get drunk on mulled wine#we had a bit of snow this weekend#i'm so excited for winter#soft snow and snuggly coats ahhh yes#my art#prahacat draws#the cycle
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so about the header that proceeded today's statement:
Viability as agent: Low
Viability as subject: None
Viability as catalyst: Medium
i didn't know what to think of this part of the entry at first, but the longer the statement went on... was the institute in this universe trying to manufacture avatars?
the dice can't do anything without someone to use them, they can't be an "agent" by themselves, but might be capable of manipulation, so in that aspect their viability is "low."
the dice could be a "subject" in the sense that they could use further studying, but the statement itself was a very thorough investigation of their workings, so in that aspect their viability is "none."
the dice seem to influence their holder to roll them, or at least find more victims to roll them, and could therefore be described as a "catalyst" for someone's becoming. but, as seen in the statement, their owner can give the dice to someone else (albeit not without consequences), so in that aspect their viability is only "medium."
so what about the line following all this, what does "Recommend referral to Catalytics for Enrichment applicability assessment" mean? if we go by this interpretation, i'd say it could mean the institute wanted to find a way to make the dice even more potent as an artifact, maybe even remove that pesky ability for their owner to reject them.
imho all of this this brings a whole new level of context to the events of episode seven, of unknown violent agents going after an influx of objects that seemed straight out of artifact storage. was that the nature of the titular "magnus protocol" first mentioned in episode four, the one that involved the starkwall group? containing or destroying potential artifacts before the institute could get their hands on them?
it also makes their "gifted kids program," and sam's link to it as one of the kids being studied, all the more horrifying to think about. was it not just avatars in general they were after, but child avatars specifically? no wonder gertrude got so defensive over the possibility of sam and celia dragging gerry back into the institute's business last episode, we all picked up on her clearly knowing more than she's letting on but now we might know the shape of that information a bit better.
and one final bit of food for thought... this statement had a lot of familiar themes, didn't it? free will or the illusion of it, gambling and not-so-random chance, the statement giver being done in by one final hit from what feels like a bit of an addition... all hallmarks of a certain mother of puppets. doesn't it seem fitting that "chester" would use this kind of statement to warn sam about what harm pursuing the magnus institute could bring to him, considering the one his voice might draw from? and doesn't it seem so painfully ironic that his warning seems to have only driven sam further into that web?
#tmagp#the magnus protocol#tmagp spoilers#tmagp 9 spoilers#MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL AAAAAAAAAA#there are so many other things i want to link to this but i also just want to post it asap to get other people's thoughts#honestly at the word 'catalyst' my mind went straight to mike crew using ex altiora to become an avatar of the vast#combing through lietners until he found one that fit#and the statement giver from mag 4 feeling like he had to specifically sell ex altiora to gerry or it wouldn't 'count'#i can't pull out the episode quotes every time i have a theory or it becomes a bit passé but know they are always on my mind#also that last paragraph just came to me in a vision while i was typing up the rest of this i hope it's not too far of a reach#i tried to keep it vague but i'm also imagining jon banging his head against the inside of a crt monitor in frustration r/n#i still need to read the breakdown of the arg so if any info in that bolsters or discredits this please let me know!!!
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If I could just have the original graphics with the updated dialogue it would be perfect.
#like I'm glad his reaction to Franziska is more clearly about her age rather than gender#he has a female mentor so that shouldn't be weird to him#and I'm glad the game fixed that one line and understood he knows Miles better than that#and boot to the head was absolutely necessary#i still miss spikey-headed poof though#phoenix wright#miles edgeworth#franziska von karma#does this count as wrightworth/narumitsu?#ace attorney
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season one episode two having rhaenyra and alicent in the sept together, lighting candles in mourning for their mothers, saying: here is the pain that connects us. here are the ways in which we heal each other. here is the fire that binds.
versus season two episode one putting rhaenyra at lucerys' pyre, while alicent lights a candle for him in the sept - both aged so much by their circumstance and separation, saying: here is the fire that still binds us, even while it burns away who we were to each other. here is the memory of our old life together while we live like ghosts in the new. here is the pain that connects us...that we have now caused one another. here are the ways in which we can now never heal one another - but hundreds of miles away, you still burn, and think of me anyways.
#emma d'arcy saying rhaenyra wishes for alicent to comfort her...count your days. COUNT YOUR DAYS#rhaenicent#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#rhaenyra x alicent#hotd#house of the dragon#they make me feel like that scene in harry potter where donny begins banging his head into the wall#i'm CRAZYYYY over them again we are so back
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My understanding of Jason Todd's age;
Jason dies when he's 15, 4 months before his 16th birthday. He is dead for any number of time; it doesn't count towards his age.
He's resurrected; he is in a coma for 1 year, then catatonic for another. He is then put into a Lazarus Pit. (These 2 years are practically useless, as he doesn't remember them and they contribute very little to the story. They could be condensed to 2 months and it would change basically nothing.)
He trains for about a year. You can then give him 1-12 months of prep and planning time before his debut as the Red Hood, and the story of UT(R)H, at which point he would be mentally 16-17, physically 18-19, and it would be (--) years after his birth.
#my dc posting#jason todd#dc#red hood#i havent read lost days so idk abt the timeline between lazarus pit and debut as red hood#and this isnt strictly about following canon as close as possible. just how i view it in my head#which makes the fandom treatment of the tim vs jason titans tower fight so funny to me. theyre like the same age bro#btw i refuse to take anything about jason somehow growing up/maturing while dead or catatonic/in a fucking coma#like i'm sorry but i refuse to count when he was a literal decomposing corpse ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i also just find Teenaged Crime Lord funny. your boss tells you not to deal to kids (he's 16) (don't worry about it)#<- to be very clear that is not in an infantilizing way. i am 17 and i can very confidently say i am old enough to be held#responsible for my own actions#it's tragic he is so young but it doesn't absolve him of his bad decisions. such as the Murders#i like jason's age cus it's actually really easy to make him comically young#make him die at 14. very short period between resurrection&lazarus pit. 1 year of training. your 15 year old son takes over the criminal#underground. wyd?#<- anyway these are just some scattered thoughts. ponderings and wonderings and musings. if you disagree w my timeline i'd love to hear it!
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some more telesphore :3
#the kingmaker histories#telesphore winterlich#my art#tel-only doodle dump partially cuz i love him dearly and he's fun to draw and i needed the practice drawing his handsome face ^^#and partially cuz depending on how you count it he's got like 5-7 fewer fanarts (on tumblr) than eisen/colette...#which is so so criminal eviltwisted and makes me so sad. so i took matters into my own hands :3#(though it'd be a fool's errand trying to keep the numbers even permanently LMAO. i also just wanted to draw a bunch of telsies)#(so i might probly fuck up the ratios later by doing this for eisen+colette lol...#i wanna get more consistent/comfortable drawing them all)#with this i have now posted (way) more telsie fanart than every other fanartist combined (excluding meg tuten's art ofc). yippee yippee#(it's not a competition) (but i am still keeping count) (i'm freak)#(but 'm not counting meg's cuz there's so much and i couldn't possibly find it all. plus i can't imagine how much is unposted)#(i just know there's Oodles and i love it all and that is enough for mee)#honestly this should've been hat practice as well but. i do not like drawing hats.#and i struggle with drawing the top of his head anyway so it's still useful practice lmao#if you asked me for my favorite character the answer would simultaneously be:#“i love all three of the protags so much!!! i couldn't possibly pick </3"#and “telesphore <3”#the margin? SO slim. i'm so very obsessed w/ all three of them#unimaginable fondness in my heart
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the thing is this blog and the cuda blog go far and wide in terms on interest but i am at all times one hurtful interview from having a meltdown about mario ferraro...he was so excited to be here...BRENT BURBS WAS HIS MENTOR...slowly everyone he loved or was mentored by got traded...then he had to do it alone while cooch was gone!!! um with mikael granlund and luke kunin. but he was alone!! today ouagh "we owe them better after the last five years" MARIO YOU HAVE ONLY BEEN HERE FIVE YEARS!! DOES IT HURT TO BE THE ONE WHO WAS CHOSEN TO BEAR WITNESS TO THE END OF ONE DYNASTY AND THE HUMBLE BEGINNINGS OF AN NEW AGE!! all these damn ass prospects and young guys talking about how excited they are, how they've never felt this way about the beginning of a season how they're gonna do it for the city the fans they're gonna bring back hockey to san jose.....mario do you feel that same sense of wonder and promise!! mario is there somewhere within you the echo of the young kid who took his best friend to the top of a mountain in marin on a off day during the covid season to say look at the bay area: it's ours......????
#if they don't give him the c after cooch i'm rioting#also if grier trades him. even thinking about that makes me want to throw up#also i briefly thought i was having a panic attack bc my chest felt tight and i was like am i for real abt to throw up over mario ferraro#then realized i tied my dog's baby bjorn too tight to my chest so i can't. breathe#i love him so much 😭😭😭😭#mario not my dog#i mean i love my dog too but his elbow is currently jammed into my ribcage and he won't move it even when i try#i wouldn't put mario in a baby bjorn he is too big#''damn ass prospects'' we are heading into season 4 of the william eklund experiment if you count the 9 games he played in 2021#AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH#hockey for ts#san jose sharks /
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concept, cause the dynamics at play would be super interesting:
when Tuk and Neytiri are sucked into the hold of the Seadragon, what if Spider, unwilling to watch another one of this baby siblings, nor his siblings mother (despite everything cause he's a good kid), die without doing anything, jumps in after them?
they're now stuck in a flooding ship, spider knows his way around to a decent extent, they're all tired, they're all scared, they're all hurting. they have to depend on each other for survival.
Neytiri has to not only trust Spider, but has to follow his lead, has to trust him to guide her around a demon ship, has to untrust not only her own life, but the life of her youngest child to this boy.
Maybe they're separated, they have to find one another (my personal favorite scenario is that Tuk and Spider are together and he has to try and find her/guide Neytiri to him)
Spider taking Neytiri and Tuk's arms so they aren't separated by stray currents and raging waters (a parallel to "Sully's stick together"). Spider talking them through the breath holds he learned as a kid in case his mask malfunctioned before bringing them through the depths of the submerged ship (parallel to Jake and Lo'ak)
anyway. I just can't stop thinking about it. think about it.
Neytiri is faced with the fact that Spider jumped in after her and Tuk. he came for them, he put himself in danger to save them, to save her daughter. even after what she did to him. even after she held a knife to him, after she cut him, after she intended to kill him even after Kiri was released. he still jumped to her aid, even if he could have stayed with Kiri above deck where he was safe, he could have just aided Tuk and left her behind, but he didn't.
and there's so many ways to play with it and the aftermath. like.
Spider dragging both Tuk and Neytiri up the surface, trying his best to keep the trio afloat (namely Neytiri who was much less adjusted to the water and is exhausted by the night they've had) as they hope and pray to be reunited with the rest of their family.
maybe the stress gets to them and Spider just starts apologizing. I should have fought them harder. I shouldn't have let Lo'ak and Neteyam try and leave with me, I would have been fine. I should have seen it coming, should have taken it myself. it should have been me. my baby brother shouldn't be dead.
maybe he becomes partly delirious as he too gives into exhaustion, the big brother in him being the only part of him left coherent, so he takes Tuk close, whispering prrnen tsmuke [baby sister] over and over into her braids, assuring himself that she's safe and unharmed. he keeps praying to the Great Mother for his siblings to return to him unharmed. maybe he keeps asking where they are, if they're safe as his awareness fades and his memory weakens. all of his siblings. asking if Neteyam is ok, only to remember he's gone the second the words leave his tongue.
Jake and Lo'ak finding them when they come up with Payakan, both worse for wear, exhausted, clinging to one another, the only thing keeping their heads above water being spiders life vest, Tuk cradled between them. what a sight.
Neytiri watching as Spider looks over each of his siblings, taking them close, holding onto them as if they will be ripped away from him. the realization that he would die before he let that happen again hitting her like a ton of bricks the second she sees the look in his eyes.
a peace being made between the two in the wake of this event. spider silently claiming the role of big brother (he always was, but he had to pretend he wasn't. with Neteyam gone, he can't pretend he's not anymore), Neytiri silently agreeing.
idk man. it would be interesting.
#listen#I love them both so much#I just wanna give them both kisses on the head and a warm blanket and some peace and fucking quiet#Tuk too. my baby girl. oml#and I love putting them in Situations that test all of the patience and sanity that remains with them#its Fun ☺️#(for me at least)#(they probably wouldn't agree)#forget about kiri for a moment. I love her. but I need her to play with her fishies (lovingly) and not interupt my favorite disaster duo#(trio if you count Tuk)#also. um. either Q's dead dead or be woke up from his little nap and dragged himself out of the boat. cause spidey ain't getting the chance#to find his ass in this situation. he's a bit busy being in a situation with the women who just tried to kill him.#😁👍#idc if this ooc. I'm living my best delulu life. I haven't slept in days and these scenario is haunting my every thought.#avatar 2#avatar the way of water#spider socorro#miles spider socorro#miles socorro#neytiri#neytiri te tskaha mo'at'ite#neytiri sully#tuk#tuk tuk#tuktirey#tuktirey te suli neytiri'ite#atwow
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Late to the game but uh. Come Find Me? 👀
Not late, my wonderful dude, you have some fantastic timing!! <3 I've been trying to finish the first section of this today for a Halloween post.
The premise is, Sifo-Dyas's ghost is wandering through Dagobah-esque swamp, trying to find all of Dooku's severed body parts (body, head, hands) while they're both being low key haunted by the clones who were killed in the war. It's surreal and so weird and not AT ALL my usual thing.
….but uh, I just really needed to write Sifo-Dyas meandering around the afterlife with Dooku's severed head tucked under his arm, having loud arguments with it? 👉👈
Anyway, here's some from the first part -
Come find me!
His last words into the recording transmitter before the Oba Diah moon comes rushing up to smash him, the last time.
It destroys all of him: his past, his future, his dreadful fears and poisoned hopes, the ordinary love in his ordinary heart, even his familiar T-6 shuttle. Funny, the moon’s surface and its dust storms had looked so soft from above, drifting in dancing swirls. They are not soft.
Don’t worry, don’t worry. He doesn’t remember it hurting.
No, to Sifo-Dyas, it feels like this: a kind of intolerable, shrieking loudness throughout his entire body, rattling his teeth and bones, and then, at last, finally, quiet.
Quiet for such a long time.
Come find me, he’d asked. Thinking of his devoted Master Lene Kostana, or his only other true friend, Jocasta Nu, who never left a question unanswered. His former colleagues on the Jedi Council, sure to investigate his death as a matter of protocol. His Dooku - one of the only two people who knew he'd be there to be killed. The other, the Supreme Chancellor. The Force, which connects and directs all, which gave him his gift, but no instruction on how to live with it.
Well, he doesn't live. And no one ever comes to find him.
So, ever practical, or perhaps ever impatient, Sifo-Dyas just pushes himself back upright out of the rubble and starts walking.
#Dooku's head is very much arguing back with him btw his body is timid like a kicked dog but his head is a BITCH as in life#just a little one (or two) off spooky short fic for the season#I think I might outright title this Come Find Me not just the working draft title#“come find me!” are indeed his actual last words from the books RIP Sifo my sweet prince you would have loved alprazolam#anyway it's hard to pull of the mood I'm imagining while not being cracky and present tense is HARD for your girl so we'll see!!#count dooku#sifo dyas#my WIP
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How do you feel about "character joins bloodclan" aus? Im curious about ur thoughts since youre really in tune with the themes of the series but personally i just hate them bc its ALWAYS aimed at 'unfortunate' characters and always ALWAYS ignores the fact that bloodclan is a horrible place in-canon and that they're just reflavoring the abuse and trauma the characters qent through to be more emo or goth themed.
Ravenpaw is ALWAYS a prime target for this and its like. Great. You took the character being abused by their mentor figure and is being harmed from the violent culture the clan has generated... and giving them an EMO mentor figure who will inevitably abuse them and harm them as a result of the violent culture the emo clan has generated. Sasha is another one I've noticed- you've put the woman who lost her kit and is struggling to survive with the others while being controlled and abused by someone who sees her as an outsider (aka alone and easy to isolate), and are gonna put her in a faction who specifically separates kin from one another to easily control them and who have canonically tried murdering those who stick with their family. What was gained here.
Like i know bloodclan is revamped in ur au (thank god for it) but in canon bloodclan is HORRIBLE. People ignore that in favor of putting their favs into bloodclan bc bloodclan is cool and killed tigerstar that one time bc of revenge. Ravenpaw becomes Scourge AUS are SO SO SO much worse bc of this too- sure you manage to point out how scourge and raven has roughly similar stories in their youth but you could also do something interesting and make an au where raven and scourge are FOILS and do a firestar/scourge thing, while pointing this comparison out!! Instead you just went "Ravenpaw emo now and is sad about beating up Firestar his friend" and basically kept everything the same.
Sorry im basically venting here but i just dont like how people forget that scourge in canon does NOT look out for the 'little guy', he's a murderer and abuser who wants to keep his subjects afraid and separated so that he alone has power over them. Bloodclan is not the cool strong goth group, its the group where two cats slaughter eachother over a piece of twoleg scraps, only for the survivor to die bc the food was poisonous to cats and no one knew bc theres no cohesive group that can pass that knowledge around. its a fucking horrible place to live. Im not saying that you cant do interesting "character in bloodclan" aus (a Rusty who lives in bloodclan who STILL wants to do good but is shaped by the horrid reality of bloodclan would be fun imo) but its so often used with already traumatized characters as a 'solution' or 'fix-it with some emotional issues involved' that i just foam at the mouth and howl like a rabid animal on principle at this point.
Hmm... I think for me, it doesn't tend to read that way for me when the fandom makes AUs for it. I'm coming at BloodClan from a point of really deep critique and frustration.
BloodClan's not a REAL place, and what that means is, every speck of how horrible it was is a choice the writers made to justify its treatment. It was something they actively decided, because, BloodClan was a tool to suddenly invalidate the previous 5 books of TPB so that the series could comfortably conclude there was no need to upset the status quo.
If you haven't read it before, I recommend this post I made on how Darkest Hour Is A Personal Disappointment, but anyway;
We spend a whole series on how Fireheart challenges a broken society, because he is different. Their xenophobia, how isolationism and glory get people killed, the way that Tigerstar's greatest asset is how respected he is... these are bad things. They're things that Fireheart fights for several books.
But then, in the LAST book, in the 11th inning, they introduce BloodClan. They're just evil. They have no nuance. The narrative bends over backwards to stress that this group of evil foreigners LOVES murder, hates friendship, and doesn't believe in our good god.
Suddenly, the Clan cats have to be EXTRA xenophobic and glorious to kill these filthy, murderous foreign hordes. Clan cat belief in their good god makes them stronger than the bloodthirsty barbarians. Firestar kills Scourge and we can feel happy and triumphant about it, when Tigerstar was killed a few chapters ago and given a tragic sendoff.
So, I encourage you to step back from an emotional response to how Filthy and Murderous this group was portrayed, and look at it as a writing choice.
When Tigerstar, known cat-racist and murderer of mixed-race people, is killed by Scourge in self-defense, he is grieved by Firestar and commended for his "good qualities". (and then they retconned in that it was actually secretly revenge all along, not just self defense, so this killing is extra evil)
When Scourge is killed, Firestar just thinks about how it's cool he's not going to heaven, and how all of the previously ferocious BloodClan warriors look so inferior to the forest Clans.
And so, with all that said,
I'm 100% in favor of how the fandom widely looks at this, says, "fuck that" and just makes them the Cool Goth Group. I'd argue pretty strongly that the least nuanced idea of that is still infinitely better than canon.
There was nothing there. It was literally just Xenophobia-Is-JustifiedClan. They literally hated love and friendship and banned families so that Clan cats would look good in comparison. Banned families. You don't get this level of stupid evil from anything else but an 80s cartoon.
Maybe I just don't see the AUs you tend to see (I curate my Tumblr experience very well and generally hang out in more adult-oriented spaces, I can imagine a place like Amino being mostly kids who tend to be immature. Edgelord Angstpiddle is just a normal part of growing up), but every project I see that gives me a glimpse of BloodClan Ravenpaws and Sashas come with such tweaks already assumed.
Like, these are examples I've seen,
They'll have Raven be involved with the formation of BloodClan
Scourge will actually be a character with some pity and mercy, like how he was in Rise of Scourge when his abusive siblings begged him for food, and he fed them before sending them away.
no ban on love and friendship. Lol. Lmao, even.
More of the social structure will be based around acquiring food for people in a 'harsh' environment, leading to that battle, instead of just Evil Foreign Greed (which canon!scourge only had after being almost killed by tigerstar, because he said "actually, in light of new information that you are a murderer, i need to reconsider our deal.")
BloodClan will be overhauled completely. I've seen this a few ways. Connecting them to SkyClan, or the Oakstar raids on Chelford, or even as a positive entity; a surprise ally. (VERY common with BloodClan Ravenpaw AUs I've seen).
Anyways... (Shrug), I dunno dude, it doesn't bother me that much.
#and remember. BloodClan is 1 of 3 actively hostile evil foreigner groups with no nuance.#4 if you also count Slash's rogues as their own entity and not just a continuation of One's.#This is NOT a treatment ever EVER given to Clanborn cat factions.#Berryh's hate crime club is being treated with more kindness than this.#None of Mud's supporters were punished for attempted murder or treason. Or anything.#And there is only ONE DF trainee who was Dark Forested after his death.#So anon I'm so sorry but I am your worst enemy u_u#We will fight at dawn#I think that one barley map is super awesome and it's the only time I ever really liked canon BloodClan#I like to imagine my own version in my head when I watch BloodClan-related art because canon BloodClan bugs me so bad#The xenophobia in this series is so blatant and yet so overlooked
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Dancing with the devil...
@estelletheskeleton forgot to add this here but here you go >:Dc
#illustration#my art#dust sans#utmv#undertale au#dust!sans#dusttale#dust#i wasn't sure if i was gonna post it today but it's midnight now so it technically counts as tomorrow right?? ;D#all thanks to you drag if you're reading this! you never ask for anything so how could i say no to you precious bean?? >:'Dc <3333#anyways hoo boy you guys sure liked my last dust drawing!!#which still baffles me to this day cause like. first of all i really forgot just how many of y'all liked this crusty dusty man HHH#and second i'm sorry but why is it always the art that i'm 'meh' about always the ones that pop off?? i was hiding my head in shame-#nitpicking it like crazy but then going ''eh it's not like people are gonna see this one so *shrugs*'' posting it then going °O°??!!#sorry i just never like any of my dust drawings for some reason cause i can't!! get the hang of his whole silhouette/hoodie/face combo!!#he always looks so stiiiiff in my art i'm sorry dust stans you draw him so elegant and i can't do him justice xD#((side note but the phrasing of the ask made me giggle the first time i saw it xD#thanks estelle and i really do draw if it weren't already already clear by now hhhh :'Dc <3333))#anyways i'm rebloging it later in the day for those of you that are asleep rn so bye for now >:Dc hope you liked this one<3333
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At the end of the day, this is what's most important to me.
#4 minutes#bible wichapas#be on cloud#the man is excited beyond belief about this#and he deserves all the praise and attention he'll get from this show#and no - evil BOC isn't holding a gun to his head to make him post about how ecstatic he is#it's clear as day that it's genuine#the very *fact* that it's Jes who is his new partner shows how much Bible's opinion counted for a LOT of decisions that took place#I can't properly explain how happy I am for him#so fair warning I won't be subtle about my love for 4 Minutes#I've been waiting for this since last January I won't hold back#so if you don't want to see it unfollow/block me#(adding here the obvious thing that my blog name should have warned you about already - I'm not a Build hater)#(I actually love Build quite a lot)#(So do not expect any hate about this man from me)#(That's not who I am or who I plan to become)#(Thank you)
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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Potential November Reads
In This House of Brede by Rumer Godden
The Everlasting Man by G.K. Chesterton
Something by Charles Dickens
A nonfiction book
A piece of classic Russian literature
#monthly reading list#books#i've decided to make both lists because i'm in a 'obsess over all the options' mood#and this gets it out of my head#i've already mentioned brede#i plan to stick with it#i'm a couple chapters in and liking it so far#i've ordered 'everlasting man' from the library so i won't have to read my copy with horrendously small print#(after reading h.g. wells and seeing how nonsensical his view of human nature is from a christian perspective)#(i decided i needed to read chesterton's rebuttal to wells)#i've got dickens on here because despite spending october reading almost exclusively victorians#i came out of the month wanting to read some dickens#november has *strong* associations with 'great expectations' so i've got to see if some other dickens will satisfy the craving#if nothing else i got a volume of his christmas novellas out from the library and i may just have to give one a go#i need to read some nonfiction again (essays/apologetics don't count)#a top contender right now is 'the guns of august' because i found a used copy a couple months ago#and wwi is the perfect november nonfiction (oh that reminds me i should finish 'a hilltop on the marne')#and after reading victorians all month i need to read some classic literature from another country#and winter is a very russian-lit time of year#(the victober wrap up is coming btw)#(it's just that concisely summarizing these reading experiences takes a lot of time)
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#and i SADDLE UP MY PONYTA AND I RIDE INTO THE SIT-TAY#I MAKE A LODDA NOISE CUZ THE GURLS THEY R SO PRETAY#RIDIN' UP N DOWN BROADWAY ON MY OLD STUD LEROY AND THE GIRLS SAY:#SAVE A RAPIDASH RIDE A MEOWBOY!!!#JOHN WAYNE AINT GOT NUTHIN ON MY FRINGE GAME HELL NO!!!!#well stranger don't ya know i'd like to be yer friend... IF I HAD THE TIME TO STAAAAAAY.#BUT I'M A BRAMBLIN A BLOWIN IN THE WIND. I'VE GOT TO CATCH ANOTHER STAAAAAAAAGE.#I STRAP ON MY GUITAR JUST LIKE A FORTY FIVE. I PRAY EACH NIGHT MY AIM IS TRUUUUEEEE#and ACQUAINTANCES TURN TO FRIENDS I HOPE THOSE FRIENDS THEY REMEMBER ME#HOLD THE NIGHT FOR RANSOM AS WE KIDNAP THE MEMORIES#NOT SURE THERES A WAY TO EXPRESS WHAT U MEANT TO ME#SOMETIMES I GET TO THINKIN BOUT SETTLIN' DOWN. FADE OFF INTO A MEMORY.#BUT EVERY NIGHT THAT I STEP OUT TO FACE THE CROWD?#I KNOW THIS IS THE LIFE FOR MEEEEEEE#pokemon#meowth#ok context. to whomever it may concern. which is no one but idc i have a lot to say and no one to say it to#first off heres my like bi-annual post bc i 1. only draw f*rdekyl* and fucking detest f*re *emblem fans with a burning passion#so i hate sharing my 'art' . so heres a rare non-fk thing. bc i also hate social media as a whole it makes me sue of side all#but like 2. i have deliberately avoided scar/vio bc its a BAD GAME. and its not made well. also i know 'open world' formats#trigger my ocd. which it did exactly. but thats mostly irrelevant. but in anycase. i bit the bullet bc i was in a pkmn mood#esp after my long beloved n*te and dook*ie gave me a hankering for a pkmn game again#and my lil bro accidentally bought 2 copies years ago so i was like fck it ill give it a shot its Free#and yes the game is dogshit. however. everytime i see a meowth in the wild i lose my mind.#his jaunty little yee-haw walk kills me every time. i adore him. thus this was inspired.#alright imma head out i fucking hate this website as well as every other social media . maybe ill draw something non-fk in like a year#see ya in like a year maybe if i live that long. which i wouldnt count on bc tbh this year has been BAD in terms of my pain. im on the#EXTREME decline and can BARELY draw anymore. i want to die. i got nothin left. it just keeps getting worse so adios!#:(
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