#Hellmart

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

Today at work was hell dimension. My one coworker called out. I worked nearly four hours before any kind of break (until I began to shake because I needed something to eat & threatened to walk out). Customers turned into absolute Grade A Bitches because my line was so bad. Never even got a lunchbreak and left 20 minutes late. Missed the cookout that management gave because there was no one else who could do my job.

Leaving now. Haven't decided if I'm going to grab a spoon and just dig into the tub of milk chocolate frosting I picked up to frost some two-day old muffins - or guzzle down a 16 Oz canned Margherita I've had on hand since October.

[randomfandomsgobrrrrrr]

I just finished midnight burger and now im at a loss.jpg for what to watch.

[haveyouheardthispodcast]

[nando161mando]

Halifax Mumford Hellmart roasted a 19 yrs old worker trapped in walk-in oven 😤️

[re-dracula]

17

Attention HellMart Shoppers!!!! Yes, this show is so funny. It's very nearly a one-man production, about a rich jerk who gets caught doing white-collar crime and has to serve work parole at a walmart that has a giant portal to hell. Shenanigans ensue, of course, but it also has character development, which I love, and a theme song that I adore.

[jovial-gender-jester]

imagine having access to a gourmet kitchen & being so excited to unlease your imagination with those tools then your boss shows up and demands something that only needs a microwave. maybe an oven if he could wait for it to pre-heat

[lesenbyan]

The fuck you mean I might have gotten COVID right when I lost insurance

[impactplague]

doing bad

[theoogtree]

Got a helmet yesterday so today I will brave the horrors of maybe being seen by some stranger outside while I try to not eat shit on a scooter

[adhdemizel]

CHET! CHET! CHET! CHET!

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHH HES HERE HES HERE I LOVE HIM HI CHET HI HIII

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

We are so shorthanded at work that I just had to close the Service Desk in order to take my State mandated meal break. I waited until my line was done and shut off the lights & put up a 'closed' sign. But people were literally following me, asking me to take them before I go. The answer to that is 'NOPE'...and call Corporate, because understaffing could be solved by PAYING A HIGHER HOURLY WAGE.

[itsamepatches]

wish me luck, fellas - I'm going to try writing again tomorrow

[gerritcole-coded]

I wanted to listen to the broadcast on wfan today but once I got to work audacy stopped playing the correct station. Then I remembered someone telling me we don't have walkie-talkies because of deadspots in the store, so radio must not work in my store

[re-dracula]

15

lol you don't have to yell

Attention HellMart Shoppers is the story of a disgraced millionaire on work release at a retail store that sits at the mouth of hell. It's a supernatural comedy that is very silly, it is complete, and I adore the theme song.

[chaoticace2005]

List of why the Radio Demon disappeared for 7 years:

1. His fight with Vox ended really badly and he needed to recover.

2. He went somewhere to acquire more power.

3. He had a mission to do because of his deal.

4. Vox confessed his love for Alastor. Alastor had no idea how to respond to this so he ghosted Vox for seven years. But Vox had access to cameras everywhere so the best way to ghost Vox is to ghost the city.

5. Met a wise old man who taught him the secrets to life, he had a training montage.

6. Took a gap year(s) to “find himself”

7. Extended tea party at Rosie’s

8. His shadow got pissed at him and decided to swallow him, sending him to a shadow dimension that he drifted in for seven years.

9. His friends from the other side finally caught up to him and he had to repay his debt

10. His tailor went on sabbatical and he couldn’t leave his place without the proper amount of drip so he had to wait for him to return.

11. There was a shortage of red hair dye, he had to wait for them to restock.

12. Someone took a photo of him with his tail out. He went on a mission to hunt them down and DESTROY them.

13. He went to the Hellmart to cause $50,000 in TV damages (Tomota vid reference)

14. He was busy making diss tracks for everyone he knows and lost track of time.

15. Susan beat him in a bake sale and he had to hide out of shame.

16. Honeymoon with his cane.

17. Fell into a coma

18. Found out about the Alastor-Body Pillow Vox had and then had to ensure they were never manufactured again.

19. He accidentally saw part of one of Angel’s pornos and was traumatized. He had to leave Pentagram City because everyone he went he saw his face.

20. Hung out with Lilith who dished tea about Lucifer.

21. Was told he was “outdated” so he took the time to educate himself on modern slang.

22. Tried to find an obedience trainer for cats.

23. He time traveled seven years into the future and just decided to run with it.

24. Alastor was killed. That’s not Alastor. That’s a shadow acting as him.

25. That’s not Alastor, that’s his twin brother.

26. Walked in on a role play session between a Vox and Valentino-Dressed-Up-Like-Alastor and needed to find a way to erase the memory.

27. Bonked his head. Woke up and thought his name was Bob, he lived a nice, happy life until he bonked his head again.

28. Fell through a portal and woke up in a dimension where his name was a bird named Crane who was a janitor in a world of King Fu and pandas.

29. Got access to the season 1 script so he could mentally prepare. He’s been rehearsing his lines and doing his best to make his performance as disturbing as possible.

30. Went to the dentist. When they tried to help him he ate them, so he had to find another dentist, who he also ate. This went on for a while.

31. Was run out of town by his dentist who got annoyed he kept dodging his appointments

32. Got relationship counseling for him and his shadow.

33. Was just out having a good time, partying, and consuming souls.

34. Went on a seven year long bender.

35. Rosie told him he was an “arrow” so he went to archery classes. Turns out she was wrong and archery really isn’t his forte.

[eldritch-spouse]

Day in the life of y/n working in retail in hell Inspired by brandon rogers video "Elmer hates his job". + offensive office

Y/n: "Welcome to Hellmart, thank you for bringing in your fuckin kids.

-

y/n: Thank you for whoever left a pile of cum on aisle 666

-

*bones are thrown at y/n*

y/n: Sir, please don't throw your bones at me

*more bones are thrown at y/n*

y/n: I got my bachelor for this.

-

y/n: That'll be $69.69

*demon puts a bunch of change on the counter*

y/n: Are you trying to give me a fucking seizure?

-

y/n: Crap, we've got pride demons

-

y/n: You shouldn't eat those hot dogs; they'll make you see through time.

-

Y/n: Oh look, another bone. Some people are so fucking disgusting. *yeets the bone across the store*

-

*a demon threatens y/n*

Y/n: Take anything you want, just please don't kill me.

*demon walks away carrying y/n's clothes*

y/n: Jokes on you, dickhead those clothes double as my cum rag.

-

y/n: You want to talk to my manager? *speaks on the intercom* Xavier, some bitch wants to talk to you.

-

y/n: I swear I'm gonna set myself on fire.

Extras:

One of y/n's coworkers: Y/n is a great worker, mostly through half of the day, as the day goes by we get a little more distant, that's fine.

*pans over to y/n putting a bunch of drugs in an energy drink and drinking it*

-

y/n: I just hang up half of the customers on the phone.

[Call me a womababy, I love Brandon Rodgers. Thenk you anon, I visualized all of those and snorted-]

It's incredible how most of your coworkers initially saw you and collectively thought a human wouldn't make it three days inside the place, much less a puny one like you.

Not only have you outlasted a good chunk of these people, you're gradually becoming unhinged enough that no one actually wants to get on your bad side. Aside from the customers, that is.