#Hellmart

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

Today at work was hell dimension. My one coworker called out. I worked nearly four hours before any kind of break (until I began to shake because I needed something to eat & threatened to walk out). Customers turned into absolute Grade A Bitches because my line was so bad. Never even got a lunchbreak and left 20 minutes late. Missed the cookout that management gave because there was no one else who could do my job.

Leaving now. Haven't decided if I'm going to grab a spoon and just dig into the tub of milk chocolate frosting I picked up to frost some two-day old muffins - or guzzle down a 16 Oz canned Margherita I've had on hand since October.

[randomfandomsgobrrrrrr]

I just finished midnight burger and now im at a loss.jpg for what to watch.

[haveyouheardthispodcast]

[nando161mando]

Halifax Mumford Hellmart roasted a 19 yrs old worker trapped in walk-in oven 😤️

[re-dracula]

17

Attention HellMart Shoppers!!!! Yes, this show is so funny. It's very nearly a one-man production, about a rich jerk who gets caught doing white-collar crime and has to serve work parole at a walmart that has a giant portal to hell. Shenanigans ensue, of course, but it also has character development, which I love, and a theme song that I adore.

[jovial-gender-jester]

imagine having access to a gourmet kitchen & being so excited to unlease your imagination with those tools then your boss shows up and demands something that only needs a microwave. maybe an oven if he could wait for it to pre-heat

[lesenbyan]

The fuck you mean I might have gotten COVID right when I lost insurance

[impactplague]

doing bad

[adhdemizel]

CHET! CHET! CHET! CHET!

YEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHH HES HERE HES HERE I LOVE HIM HI CHET HI HIII

[itsamepatches]

wish me luck, fellas - I'm going to try writing again tomorrow

[sobeautifullyobsessed]

So, even heading into Thanksgiving week, the Hellmart I work at is woefully understaffed because they keep pulling department managers to fill in with Online Grocery Pickup orders (because the online business is so much more important to the Company than the customers who walk in our doors). With no people on the salesfloor, the place is a mess; the Service Desk is a mess too, as no one comes to pick up their merchandise returns. The worst of it is bins and bins and bins of perishable & non-perishable foods, eventually spilling out onto the floor and creating a fire hazard for us to navigate around and through.

Well today, all that food on the floor finally had it's natural result -- MICE. Now, we have a company that comes in once a month or so to set/collect traps, so as any big store does, we expect rodents are gonna be hanging around. But never where customers can see. Never where you pick up a bin from the floor and out they scurry.

At least management finally made sure to find workers to put 5-6 days worth of food returns away. And then had maintenance 'deep clean' the area. But considering it's the weekend before Thanksgiving, you can bet your sweet bippy that by Monday the place is gonna be in the exact state it was this morning...and probably even worse.

But at least the execs at the top of the company will be getting 6-7 figure bonuses to end the fiscal year. Scrimping on staff & wages tends to guarantee it.

[serendertothesquad]

"No, you can't buy every bag in the aisle!"

"But Oliiiive-"

"THE COST OF A LAYS PARTY SIZE BAG IS NEARLY 7 JACKALOPE DOLLARS NOW PUT IT DOWN."

*In the chip aisle at Walmart, doing a late-night grocery run.*

Oscar: *Minding their own business, looking for tortilla chips.*

Oscar: *Finds tortilla chips.*

Olive, to Otto: See, he knows what he's here for. He knows what he's doing. Be more like Oscar. 

Olive: Make a decision, Otto!

[chaoticace2005]

List of why the Radio Demon disappeared for 7 years:

1. His fight with Vox ended really badly and he needed to recover.

2. He went somewhere to acquire more power.

3. He had a mission to do because of his deal.

4. Vox confessed his love for Alastor. Alastor had no idea how to respond to this so he ghosted Vox for seven years. But Vox had access to cameras everywhere so the best way to ghost Vox is to ghost the city.

5. Met a wise old man who taught him the secrets to life, he had a training montage.

6. Took a gap year(s) to “find himself”

7. Extended tea party at Rosie’s

8. His shadow got pissed at him and decided to swallow him, sending him to a shadow dimension that he drifted in for seven years.

9. His friends from the other side finally caught up to him and he had to repay his debt

10. His tailor went on sabbatical and he couldn’t leave his place without the proper amount of drip so he had to wait for him to return.

11. There was a shortage of red hair dye, he had to wait for them to restock.

12. Someone took a photo of him with his tail out. He went on a mission to hunt them down and DESTROY them.

13. He went to the Hellmart to cause $50,000 in TV damages (Tomota vid reference)

14. He was busy making diss tracks for everyone he knows and lost track of time.

15. Susan beat him in a bake sale and he had to hide out of shame.

16. Honeymoon with his cane.

17. Fell into a coma

18. Found out about the Alastor-Body Pillow Vox had and then had to ensure they were never manufactured again.

19. He accidentally saw part of one of Angel’s pornos and was traumatized. He had to leave Pentagram City because everyone he went he saw his face.

20. Hung out with Lilith who dished tea about Lucifer.

21. Was told he was “outdated” so he took the time to educate himself on modern slang.

22. Tried to find an obedience trainer for cats.

23. He time traveled seven years into the future and just decided to run with it.

24. Alastor was killed. That’s not Alastor. That’s a shadow acting as him.

25. That’s not Alastor, that’s his twin brother.

26. Walked in on a role play session between a Vox and Valentino-Dressed-Up-Like-Alastor and needed to find a way to erase the memory.

27. Bonked his head. Woke up and thought his name was Bob, he lived a nice, happy life until he bonked his head again.

28. Fell through a portal and woke up in a dimension where his name was a bird named Crane who was a janitor in a world of King Fu and pandas.

29. Got access to the season 1 script so he could mentally prepare. He’s been rehearsing his lines and doing his best to make his performance as disturbing as possible.

30. Went to the dentist. When they tried to help him he ate them, so he had to find another dentist, who he also ate. This went on for a while.

31. Was run out of town by his dentist who got annoyed he kept dodging his appointments

32. Got relationship counseling for him and his shadow.

33. Was just out having a good time, partying, and consuming souls.

34. Went on a seven year long bender.

35. Rosie told him he was an “arrow” so he went to archery classes. Turns out she was wrong and archery really isn’t his forte.

[eldritch-spouse]

Day in the life of y/n working in retail in hell Inspired by brandon rogers video "Elmer hates his job". + offensive office

Y/n: "Welcome to Hellmart, thank you for bringing in your fuckin kids.

-

y/n: Thank you for whoever left a pile of cum on aisle 666

-

*bones are thrown at y/n*

y/n: Sir, please don't throw your bones at me

*more bones are thrown at y/n*

y/n: I got my bachelor for this.

-

y/n: That'll be $69.69

*demon puts a bunch of change on the counter*

y/n: Are you trying to give me a fucking seizure?

-

y/n: Crap, we've got pride demons

-

y/n: You shouldn't eat those hot dogs; they'll make you see through time.

-

Y/n: Oh look, another bone. Some people are so fucking disgusting. *yeets the bone across the store*

-

*a demon threatens y/n*

Y/n: Take anything you want, just please don't kill me.

*demon walks away carrying y/n's clothes*

y/n: Jokes on you, dickhead those clothes double as my cum rag.

-

y/n: You want to talk to my manager? *speaks on the intercom* Xavier, some bitch wants to talk to you.

-

y/n: I swear I'm gonna set myself on fire.

Extras:

One of y/n's coworkers: Y/n is a great worker, mostly through half of the day, as the day goes by we get a little more distant, that's fine.

*pans over to y/n putting a bunch of drugs in an energy drink and drinking it*

-

y/n: I just hang up half of the customers on the phone.

[Call me a womababy, I love Brandon Rodgers. Thenk you anon, I visualized all of those and snorted-]

It's incredible how most of your coworkers initially saw you and collectively thought a human wouldn't make it three days inside the place, much less a puny one like you.

Not only have you outlasted a good chunk of these people, you're gradually becoming unhinged enough that no one actually wants to get on your bad side. Aside from the customers, that is.

[crackrodent]

Check out the rest of my Flufftober library!

Poor Baxter

“Niff how fucking many bags of candy corn do you need? Poor Baxter can barely push the cart!” Husk huffed while absentmindedly rubbing the spot on his arm where Alastor’s mic had struck him for attempting to get out of driving Niffty on her seasonal sugar shopping spree.

Charlie should have picked anyone else to pick up the snacks and decorations for the holiday party. Niffty was going to really remind everyone that they are in hell at this rate.

“All of them!” Niffty said pulling another bag of the multicolored junk out of an unsuspecting hellhound’s basket and tossing it into her cart.

Baxter’s sinister little laugh forced its way into Husk’s ears leading to the former overlord wishing he could punt the tiny man. Husk was way too sober to be in Hellmart at six in the morning.

Baxter’s voice almost made Husk’s brain implode as he encouraged this bullshit, “Niffty, I think I saw some imps back in the freezer aisle, they must have had at least a dozen bags of candied corn, perhaps we could claim their share as well?”

Niffty looked like she had skipped Halloween and Thanksgiving and went straight to Christmas as she bolted out of Husk’s view dragging the cart behind her.

“Baxter! You fucking lost her now!” Husk hissed as he attempted to follow her.

“Nonsense Husk. She is in aisle 2 looking for imps that don’t exist.” Baxter said calmly, looking at his phone while walking opposite of Niffty.

Husk switched directions and followed the other short monster, “What? Why would you lie about that?”

“I needed to ask your advice on something,” Baxter said stopping in front of some big box of overpriced seasonal kid’s toy animals, “Do you think Niffty would prefer the stuffed spider or the stuffed scorpion?”

“Excuse me?” Husk asked, suddenly wishing he was more sober because he had to have caught a secondhand high when he hugged Angel goodbye as they left.

“The woman displays the most familial behavior to you and that radio demon. Since I do not plan to have my voice added to his broadcast, I require your assistance.” Baxter explained.

“Why the hell do you need my opinion? You just sent Niffty off to aisle 2 tracking down imaginary imps! You could’ve asked her yourself!”

Baxter rolled his eyes, “That would ruin the point of the surprise you dunce.”

“And you are trying to surprise her with children’s toys?” Husk asked, the annoyance flowing from his voice in contrast to its usual drip.

The fishy little man was definitely showing his form as he looked down checking the seams on the spider. "I wanted to ask her to accompany me during Charlie’s party. She doesn't seem like the kind to like flowers. I have observed her with bugs and other creepy crawlies however and she seems fixated on them."

Husk stopped and judged the pathetic scientist. Poor dude was going to get himself stabbed.

"The scorpion."

"You are sure Husk?” Baxter suddenly seemed hesitant to accept the help he was pleading for, “I wish they just had a roach. I know she likes those." Baxter said sorting through the bin.

"Women like her, like venom. And ya know scorpions got that stinger thing. Little shits like to stab people. Just like Niffty." Husk paused after his warning, "Trust me."

He was back to feeling too sober. Advising an adult about what teddy bug to buy for another adult added to the headache sobriety was bringing on.

Baxter quickly shoved the scorpion into his pocket as Niffty came back, the cart now full of candy corn décor as well as her 40 pounds of actual candy corn. Husk was going to have to take charge and grab the actual stuff from Charlie’s list.

Husk’s arms were on the verge of falling off by the time all the candy, drinks, food, and décor were inside the hotel. He grabbed a bottle of cheap booze that he was horrified to learn was pumpkin spice flavored after he already committed to a chair in the living room.

"Hey, Whiskers!" Angel Dusk said strolling in and perching himself on the arm of the chair Husk was already melting into. “How was your trip to the store?”

Husk chuckled a little. Sore and annoyed but still laughing at the fishy idiot. “Baxter has a crush on Niffty. He has no idea what he’s getting himself into.”

“I know that already,” Angel said, fidgeting with the bag Husk had failed to see in his hands before now. “He told me a couple of weeks ago.” He gave a nervous laugh.

“What is it Legs?”

“I’ve been trying to help out as his wingman and he keeps trying to ask her out and,” the sinner was shaking his head, “she just doesn’t hear him.”

“Yeah she tends to ignore people a lot-”

“No whiskers I mean, he keeps trying the dumbest things to get her attention, and she just doesn’t get it. He tried inviting her on a walk the other day and she responded that she was already walking and just went ‘see?’ and walked out of the room.”

“Today he bought her a stuffed animal to use as a bribe for her to be his date to the hotel’s Halloween party.” Husk took his turn to shake his head at Baxter. “Like I don’t even know how a normal person would react to that, let alone Niffty.”

“Yeah... that might not go well.” The bag Angel had been fidgeting with ripped and the contents fell on Husk’s lap. Angel attempted to recover the item but Husk was faster.

He looked at the stuffed orange cat wearing a little white ghost costume. Its little ears and nose poked out from underneath. And the belly of it had a little pun that read,

‘You look BOO-tiful today!’ in black factory print with ‘Husk’ written underneath in red marker.

“Hey Husk listen it was stupid, I just saw it when I was out with Cherri and thought ‘Hey! Husk is a cat, well kind-’” The rumble of purrs drowned out the end of his rambles.

Husk was certain of two things.

1. Baxter was going to get the Jack-o-lantern treatment from Niffty.

2. If Angel asked him to be his date to the Halloween party he would be the happiest sinner in hell.

[baenxietydad]

@davidhatter

Judging by Hatter’s very visible albeit at first silent reaction to being told he loves him, Mu-yeol did kind of figure that the ‘I don’t’ was in reference to feeling burdened even before the clarification.

Even so, his brain couldn’t help but jump to a Korean song he liked.

Without even thinking he laughed the tiniest little laugh, before it being cut short by Hatter actually saying it back which— well he didn’t expect.

“Omo. Well, what are you supposed to say when you started it?” Mu-yeol joked, smiling brightly at him from across the table. “Because thanks would just be embarrassing.”

you can't just SAY things like that || hatfish