#Healthier Choices

[the-woke-mind-virus]

I crochet to keep from attacking my own fingers. I also bandage them to keep from attacking them but I can't do both at once. Progress photo under the cut.

I'm doing okay! There's no red left on any of them now!

[curvymommy70]

Had a great walk with the puppy before the rain started this morning. Now, finishing off steel cut oats with apple slices and blackberries.

Healthy choices, one step at a time.

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[lovelydearest1011]

Hello everyone,

lovelydearest1011 here, it has been a hot moment. Sentimentally, this tumblr will be very limited on what is posted and what is not. This tumblr was created when I was at my worst, and wasn’t at all healthy. Mostly everything will be kept up, some things will be taken down. New things will later then be posted.

This account will be changed to a normal blog post, every so often, almost as a way to journal everything going on in my life.

Happy New Years.

2024 is coming to an end soon.

This year had been extremely chaotic and different with everything. Life has been difficult, almost leading me back to older ways, when I was completely at fault and alone, however I’ve grown a lot, and are trying to be healthier, and find healthier coping mechanisms and strategies.

Though, life is hard, I’m not going to give up and give into those hardships. Tiresome maybe, but I’ll push past. My boyfriend and I are doing well, and I have great friends in recent times. Unlike any other time, I began to surround myself with people who I know love me, like my family, and my close friends. It’s been a much more comforting time, and a much happier life.

I am doing well now, previously I wasn’t, but as this year comes to an end, I have really began to put thought into how grateful I am, and how wonderful everyone is to put up with me through ups and downs, and over and outs.

For years, I had thought I was trans. That TV will never stop glowing, but I do believe I am more comfortable and happier identifying myself as a woman. Just because I don’t embrace the light from the TV, doesn’t mean things will ever change from it. I am growing, and I am finding out who I truthfully am. Things like that take time. I will never unplug the TV and shut it down, I bask in its glow, but I don’t go through the vision, because I’m comfortable where I am. I might take this entire trend wrong, and saying I bask in the glow instead of going through might be incorrect, but to me it feels right. I’m happy.

I’m happy to live. I’m so happy for everything, and grateful for what has come and what has happened. I deserved to be smacked in the head and told no, and told off. It pushed me to be better. I’m grateful for everything that’s ever happened.

I love everyone around me, good and bad, because who knows what could’ve happened. Of course I am guilty for the things I did, but the past cannot change, but the future can, and that’s what I strive to change and fix. To manage.

[nicksbloggingadventures]

"Apple Treats"

For this cooking class, we have made apple treats.

First, we cut the apples into slices on the cutting board with the knife after washing them.

Next, we used the spoon and knife put the cream cheese on the slices.

At last, we put the almonds, chocolate chips, cranberries and the honey on them

It tasted very good and it was a healthy choice for dessert.

[brookshomehealthcare]

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[nickthesteamengineblog]

I made this at my program for my cooking class and I post to my Instagram.

[unicornpopcorn14]

Do you ever think that if Dazai one day decided to do things the conventional way, or act the closest thing to what people call normal, how much that'd freak out the people familiar with him?

-> Dazai walking into the PM with no bandages on, wearing a casual outfit fit for his age, to which Chuuya does a double take at, gaping in horror.

At first, Chuuya'd take on their normal bickering, rub his eyes dramatically as if he's seeing things- "Who the fuck are you???" He'd exclaim. But then he'd bombard him with questions, ask if he'd run out of bandages, tell him he has extra rolls in his office-

"You're acting as if being wrapped up in gauze is normal, stupid slug."

"It is for you."

-> Dazai finishing his whole plate of curry, asking for seconds, and Oda would watch him with eyes widened a fraction, his own version of a shocked stare.

He wouldn't say anything, because he's afraid that drawing attention to the action would make Dazai stop doing it. He'd share that with Ango later, though, and Ango wouldn't even believe him.

→ (tw) Dazai not expressing his infatuatation about suicide for an entire week, disappearing for Kunikida to find him in his dorm instead of the usual river.

He's sit with him, ask if he's okay, fumble his words when he touches on the subject. Because how can you approach someone about your concern regarding their lack of suicidal tendencies, lately?

-> Dazai showing up early to the ada, taking his coat off, and immediately working.

The whole agency would hide behind the entrance, watch him with wide eyes as they share questioning looks.

"He- He didn't flop on the couch at all???"

"He didn't even look its way!"

"I mean, that's great, but something just doesn't sit right with me-"

"Is he sick?"

"Even I can't explain what's happening right now."

"Someone do something!"

And ppl often assume that Kunikida would be ecstatic about this, but no, I believe he'd be the most horrified one of all, trying to make sense of things but ending up empty handed. 😭

Fukuzawa would come up to find a swarm at the door, watching something inside that he'd assume to be a spider at first.

"What is going on here?"

"Dazai's working."

Fukuzawa'd rush to confirm, and sure enough.

He'd sigh in resignation, knowing this day would come.

"Get the exorcist."

~

It's endlessly amusing, how Dazai has his own version of conventional that if he were to deviate from, just slightly, panic would ensue through the people he's familiar with.

Even if it leads him to do healthier actions.

Something is wrong, and they need to figure out what, because this isn't the Dazai they know.

[themetalvirus]

for the people here who feel bad they don't draw every day: be happy you don't because oh my god the pain

[iminaworldofpureimagination]

why weren't they endgame?

[grahamcarmen]

carmen's team red seeing her being upset that she doesn't get to be with gray

[ladymisteria]

Yesterday, wandering around here on Tumblr, I found another post about how Eristine fans (like me) prove to have absolutely no understanding of Gaston Leroux's original work.

Because we do not see how wonderfully perfect - and more importantly how absolutely healthy as a choice, for Christine - is Raoul de Chagny.

The post then concluded with a clear victorious note establishing how - given the canonicity of Raoul/Christine - this paring was obviously right.

Well, if you will allow me, I would like to respond to that post - by saying that yes, it is quite true.

In fact, everyone knows that:

sneaking - uninvited! - into a person’s dressing room and expecting everyone to leave to be left alone with an unconscious young woman is healthy;

waiting, once - rightly so! - being dismissed from the dressing room by said young woman, in a dark recess, for her to be alone in order to “get back at it” with an unsolicited courtship is healthy;

getting jealous when you hear her talking to a man, to the point - literally! - to becoming enraged and beginning to regard her as a prostitute is healthy;

entering her dressing room in her absence to see who she was daring (!) to talk to is healthy;

following her when she leaves Paris, raging when she apparently rejects your affections and - again! - practically calling her a prostitute when she tries to explain about the Angel of Music is healthy;

escaping through a window so that the innkeeper doesn't see you stalking the young woman in the middle of the night - again without her knowledge - to find out if it is true that she is going to pay her respects at her father’s grave, or if it is just an excuse to meet another man, is healthy;

questioning anyone who knows anything about her and her private life - even though she has clearly expressed her intention to break off your relationship (of friendship, let’s clarify! There is no engagement, secret or otherwise) - and even going so far as to show up at her home - again, uninvited! - to “put the screws” on his elderly and ailing foster mother, suggesting to her that the said young woman is (guess what? Bravo!) almost a prostitute just because she has not yet fallen at your feet, smitten in love with a spoiled child, is healthy;

“ambushing” the carriage in which the young woman travels, so that you can confront face to face the man with whom she dared to cheat on you (?!?), ending up for the umpteenth time considering her a prostitute “who led you on” (again, what?!?) is healthy;

considering her a saint or a whore depending on the time of day is healthy;

offending and humiliating her (accusing her, as is now ritual, of being the worst of whores) when she tries to explain to you, at the masquerade ball, what has happened to her and is still happening to her is healthy;

slipping - once again! - uninvited into her dressing room, spying on her as she writes a private letter, and even managing to rage when she seems to show pity for someone who is not you is healthy;

showing up - uninvited of course - at the young woman’s home, accusing her of not being herself, of being naive and a person completely incapable of judging the people around her, trying to get her to promise that she will never go out without you again, even managing to become enraged when she refuses to reveal the name of the “man who had the audacity to put a gold ring on her finger,” and her response to the proposal that certainly came with the ring is healthy;

taking seriously a fake engagement (which has very little secret about it, since the “third wheel in the triangle” himself urges the young woman to engage in it), and firmly claiming to turn it into a marriage - despite the fact that over and over and over again the young woman has told you that she has no intention of marrying you, and that yours is a game - is healthy…

Just tell me: should I continue? Because I don’t know how you feel about it, but it never seemed to me that Raoul was so much “the best choice” at the end of the day…

(To be clear: Erik has not a few problems and flaws, but at least he was honest and never claimed to be a "healthy choice'... and no honest Eristine fan would ever say that).

As for the "canonical = perfect" argument... I would like to remind you that Hades/Persephone is also canonical, yet everything is but a happy couple riding off into the sunset, so...

(P.S. I can no longer find the original post, so I would like to apologize to @textsfromthefifthbasement for using her screenshot).

(P.S. part 2: Thanks to @brendadaaedestler for pointing out how I needed to... "express out loud" this analysis of mine of the real 'healthiness' of Raoul de Chagny's character.)

[buwheal]

Actually fucking knock it off with the "eat real food" and "eat healthier" shit, im not having it,, being asshole about it wont fix it you'll just make him feel worse about something he already really feels bad about. We've moved on and i kind of dont want you to escalate that with him any further. Thanks.

[skrunksthatwunk]

idk if i've discussed it before (i have certainly THOUGHT about it) but someone on my kuwa suffering ep 89 comp mentioned it and i just had to go off about it like. ok. sensui tells yusuke something along the lines of "you heard itsuki" when itsuki's inside the uraotoko, implying that not only can sensui hear those inside the uraotoko, but that he expects yusuke to be able to as well. which means that yusuke Almost Certainly Heard And Kind Of Ignored kuwabara's prolonged mental breakdown and wailing about how much he needs yusuke to live etc. which. guHHH i hate him yusuke you ass but also listen.

the only acknowledgement yusuke gives to this (if any) is when he says something like "sensui you're sooo fucking cooked this plan's going perfectly (my friends are going to get strong and kill you when i die)." he's trash talking to sensui, ignoring the others because, i think, he doesn't want to acknowledge what he's doing to them.

yusuke is explicitly recreating the experience he had with kuwabara's "death" at the hands of toguro, complete with the announcement of intent (and power) to kill, the inability to impede the threat in any way (barring a power-breakthrough), and the target in some way racing towards/volunteering for their death. yusuke learns through doing, and through tough love-style approaches. it's only effective if it hurts. watching kuwabara die like that was devastating to yusuke, but it sure as hell fucking worked. he beat toguro because of that maneuver. so even if he has to (re-)traumatize his friends in the process, this method will make his friends stronger, and he feels confident in that. but he never had to live with the consequences of kuwabara's death, not really. that's something hiei makes clear before they enter the cave as well, that there are no fake-outs ready to make him or anyone else stronger. the only deaths here will be real. the only power gained will come at a high, permanent cost. hiei's warning is an attempt to keep everyone alive, to keep yusuke from being stupid. and then yusuke decides to take that fatality into his own hands, but it's kind of his friends who would pay the price. he's going to make them live through the days, months, years without him, the actual permanency of loss (assuming they survive for that long), something he never experienced with kuwabara (a new facet of that traumatic scenario), AND he's escaping the emotional fallout of this choice through death. he doesn't have to see them mourn, won't get yelled at, won't watch them fail to move on. he's tapping out and choosing to believe they'll be fine.

but i think he feels guilty. just a little. i mean, yusuke couldn't even believe that people cared about him enough to want him alive in episode one. he's staked everything on his friends, which means he still kind of... doesn't value his own life, at least not compared to theirs. but he believes his friends love him and want him around, and we know that because he has to, or else he wouldn't make a plan that depends entirely on that love. he is actively leveraging the care he doesn't think he deserves, trying to hurt them in a way he is intimately familiar with (only worse), for.... what, exactly?

this is kind of my sticking point tbh. i don't think the answer is... super clear, but let's start with what it's not.

yusuke is not doing this because it is the most practical way to save all of humanity; that would be the mafukan, which he stopped. it could be a gamble to save all of his friends? the mafukan strategy would guarantee koenma's death/eternal imprisonment, whereas this strategy gambles all of humanity on the chance that his friends come out of the Easy Break Oven strong enough to avert the end of the world. if the sacrifice of even one friend is completely intolerable, perhaps he'd accept those slim odds and their steep consequences. yusuke tends to take risks like that, especially when he's got fight-induced tunnel vision. he doesn't think things through too much; his schemes are usually dependent on surprising his enemy enough to oneshot them. truthfully, i think this is the closest we'll get to an answer, and it's a more conventional one for this kind of story. but there is another layer i haven't been able to get from my mind.

i think yusuke is gifting each of his friends an honorable warrior's death.

so, in case it needs saying, yusuke, kuwabara, kurama, and hiei all (at least once, if not several times) exhibit a desire to die in combat in a way they deem noble to give their lives purpose (usually by self-sacrifice, but sometimes by another metric of honor, like hiei's duel with shigure and his desire to die in mutual defeat against an evenly matched opponent; or even kurama's decision to fight shigure in his human form, displaying a sort of passive suicidality via placing being true to himself in this (somewhat symbolic/inconsequential) way over survival). they need to make their lives count for something, because they feel guilty for being alive (kurama and hiei feel guilty for their past actions (hiei's is most evident in his distance from yukina, though that's not its primary reason), hiei, kuwabara, and yusuke have all been ostracized and made to feel like burdens on/unwanted by their caregivers and general society; all four of them have felt profound isolation even from their loved ones (yusuke and hiei are rather obvious; kurama can never tell his mother about the majority of his life nor what she truly means to him in the context of it; and kuwabara is separated from his peers for his spiritual awareness and his "stupidity" (plus his parents aren't around? and he is Desperate to define manhood/manliness through a broader pop cultural one which includes the warrior sacrifice thing bc he has no male role models BUT that's for another post) (i will admit kuwa's the most tenuous one here irt isolation)). they want to die for a cause so badly it's actually physically painful to me. it is passive suicidality, and they define their lives and identities by their relation to, engagement with, and skill at doing violence, etc. they live to die by the sword. anyway. nobody talks about it but i think it's very important to understanding what yusuke's doing here.

because i think he knows that about himself and his friends. they're kindred spirits. at the very least he knows this about kuwabara, who literally made a speech about this before diving into toguro's fingers In The Event That He Is Recreating Explicitly. he is dying nobly like they all want to on the chance that they'll get to break out and fight sensui rather than dying without even getting to take a swing. it's about his pride and theirs. but i don't think yusuke necessarily believes they'll win. he knows better than anyone how strong sensui is, and how wide the gap is between sensui and team urameshi. his stated position that humanity is doomed and that he doesn't care about its fate is, i think, not completely genuine, but if we take it at face value, he's not killing himself so that his friends can survive the end of the world. something's going to come around and kill them eventually. he's doing it so they can survive long enough to fight sensui. he needs them (specifically kuwabara) to be strong enough to free themselves to begin round two. but he's given up on their side winning, on humanity surviving, on his own victory---why should he think his friends are capable of winning? this could be another case of yusuke's fight-blinders. it could be another gamble, more blind faith put in his friends. but honestly it reads more to me that yusuke's giving them a chance to die together on the battlefield. them winning would be great, but it's not his goal. it's a pipe dream.

he knows he's going to be killed. they're probably going to be killed, too. but to make it so they last a little longer against sensui, to make the odds a little more even, so they are killed not like livestock, but like worthy fighters, he'd die a little faster. it's the best kind of death someone like them can have; and he'll deprive himself of it just to make their ends a little sweeter. even if the road to that is far more bitter.

but it's not like yusuke's friends know what he's thinking or agree to it, and he can't exactly make his case for it in the moment. he's making that choice for them. whatever his intentions, whatever odds he thinks they have of beating sensui, he's kind of sealing all of their fates. so how the hell is he supposed to acknowledge kuwabara screaming at him not to die, trying desperately to express what yusuke means to him in what could be their final moments together? this plan is going to hurt his friends terribly. it is already doing so, and he can hear it. his choices to stop koenma from using the mafukan and to die for his friends' strength are both selfish in some way, no matter how you read the scene. if yusuke comforts kuwabara, he might not get strong enough. if he twists the knife, well... how could he forgive himself? and either way by responding he would have to face them all and say yes, i'm doing this regardless of your feelings (with the intention of hurting you). so i think he does what he often does. he avoids it. he lets that emotion glance off him and his bravado and his one-liners so he doesn't have to deal with the fact that he's hurting people, that he's scared and guilty and unsure of himself. that he's about to die again, about to put kuwabara through the grief he saw at his wake again, only worse; about to put his quieter friends through something similar.

yusuke is confronted with the responsibility one has to the people who care for them, and he runs from it in an attempt to give them some small peace. just like when he died before and thought hey, at least my mom and keiko won't be burdened by me anymore. because the only thing he can really do for them is die.

[mystoryfortheaudienceoftheworld]

So, I ended up falling asleep at 3pm and taking a three hour nap. So no lunch was not had - which was fine because apparently my body needed rest.

For dinner I was on the struggle bus - I was searching Door Dash debating about ordering food - Door Dash has been my downfall for the last two years.

I closed the app even after adding something into the cart - and then texted my husband and he said “Stick To Your Guns”. AND I DID!

I made a goat cheese, pecan, and beet salad with some fish sticks on the side. Not the grandest of dinners - but I made it at home. 😊

I did have a little snack of some chips and dip while the fish sticks were cooking - so I’ll say that was my other side. lol

I’m currently being “stalked” by my pets for some of my meal. lol

[nicksbloggingadventures]