#Is erik the healthier choice?

[ladymisteria]

Yesterday, wandering around here on Tumblr, I found another post about how Eristine fans (like me) prove to have absolutely no understanding of Gaston Leroux's original work.

Because we do not see how wonderfully perfect - and more importantly how absolutely healthy as a choice, for Christine - is Raoul de Chagny.

The post then concluded with a clear victorious note establishing how - given the canonicity of Raoul/Christine - this paring was obviously right.

Well, if you will allow me, I would like to respond to that post - by saying that yes, it is quite true.

In fact, everyone knows that:

sneaking - uninvited! - into a person’s dressing room and expecting everyone to leave to be left alone with an unconscious young woman is healthy;

waiting, once - rightly so! - being dismissed from the dressing room by said young woman, in a dark recess, for her to be alone in order to “get back at it” with an unsolicited courtship is healthy;

getting jealous when you hear her talking to a man, to the point - literally! - to becoming enraged and beginning to regard her as a prostitute is healthy;

entering her dressing room in her absence to see who she was daring (!) to talk to is healthy;

following her when she leaves Paris, raging when she apparently rejects your affections and - again! - practically calling her a prostitute when she tries to explain about the Angel of Music is healthy;

escaping through a window so that the innkeeper doesn't see you stalking the young woman in the middle of the night - again without her knowledge - to find out if it is true that she is going to pay her respects at her father’s grave, or if it is just an excuse to meet another man, is healthy;

questioning anyone who knows anything about her and her private life - even though she has clearly expressed her intention to break off your relationship (of friendship, let’s clarify! There is no engagement, secret or otherwise) - and even going so far as to show up at her home - again, uninvited! - to “put the screws” on his elderly and ailing foster mother, suggesting to her that the said young woman is (guess what? Bravo!) almost a prostitute just because she has not yet fallen at your feet, smitten in love with a spoiled child, is healthy;

“ambushing” the carriage in which the young woman travels, so that you can confront face to face the man with whom she dared to cheat on you (?!?), ending up for the umpteenth time considering her a prostitute “who led you on” (again, what?!?) is healthy;

considering her a saint or a whore depending on the time of day is healthy;

offending and humiliating her (accusing her, as is now ritual, of being the worst of whores) when she tries to explain to you, at the masquerade ball, what has happened to her and is still happening to her is healthy;

slipping - once again! - uninvited into her dressing room, spying on her as she writes a private letter, and even managing to rage when she seems to show pity for someone who is not you is healthy;

showing up - uninvited of course - at the young woman’s home, accusing her of not being herself, of being naive and a person completely incapable of judging the people around her, trying to get her to promise that she will never go out without you again, even managing to become enraged when she refuses to reveal the name of the “man who had the audacity to put a gold ring on her finger,” and her response to the proposal that certainly came with the ring is healthy;

taking seriously a fake engagement (which has very little secret about it, since the “third wheel in the triangle” himself urges the young woman to engage in it), and firmly claiming to turn it into a marriage - despite the fact that over and over and over again the young woman has told you that she has no intention of marrying you, and that yours is a game - is healthy…

Just tell me: should I continue? Because I don’t know how you feel about it, but it never seemed to me that Raoul was so much “the best choice” at the end of the day…

(To be clear: Erik has not a few problems and flaws, but at least he was honest and never claimed to be a "healthy choice'... and no honest Eristine fan would ever say that).

As for the "canonical = perfect" argument... I would like to remind you that Hades/Persephone is also canonical, yet everything is but a happy couple riding off into the sunset, so...

(P.S. I can no longer find the original post, so I would like to apologize to @textsfromthefifthbasement for using her screenshot).

(P.S. part 2: Thanks to @brendadaaedestler for pointing out how I needed to... "express out loud" this analysis of mine of the real 'healthiness' of Raoul de Chagny's character.)

[musicofthemask]

Okay this was going to be a joke but it turned into character analysis… enjoy.

London Love Never Dies Phantom is so badass for showing up maskless to confront Raoul. He knew he was going to win the bet (let’s not forget he is the one who suggested it) and wanted the vicomte to be left, on some level, traumatised that Christine left him for a man with such a severe deformity because yes, the LND deformity is more shocking than the original one.

Raoul makes his case worse when he makes all of his arguments, comebacks, whatever you want to call them, about Erik’s physical appearance (“…foul as sin, hideous, horrible…”), which he seems to feel better about ten years after Christine confronted and moved something in him (“This haunted face holds no horror for me now, it’s in your soul that the true distortion lies.”) because, let’s be honest, Erik’s behaviour in this sequel shows a lot of maturity and control.

He isn’t angry anymore, he understands his wrongs and wants to right them. Maybe he understands why Christine didn’t stay (looking at you, Ramin’s nod in the 25th), and grew to accept it, worked on himself, and now believes he has earned a second chance. In his mind, he is the one that now deserves her, even more so with Gustave in the picture (in this case he might even feel it’s his duty as well, but for him it’s a delight).

The truth is that Erik has become the healthier choice for Christine by the time the events of the musical happen. He is a respected businessman, who has learned to love himself and dedicated ten years of his life to build his dreamland, where he helps others like him feel safe and accepted so they won’t have to go through the same as him, we see this in “Beauty Underneath”, something Christine taught him about, no doubt.

Not only that, but Phantasma is a charming attempt at helping others see what’s different with, not even compassion, but straight up wonder and amazement.

The Phantom is the ultimate example that some people just deserve a little bit of love (Final Lair kiss) to realise their worth and change for the better.

The MINUTE Christine kisses Erik he becomes a changed man. He lets her go with a man he was clearly jealous of, and he disappears from her life for both their own goods. Erik becomes incredibly selfless while also taking care of himself (GROWTH!).

It isn’t until he feels accomplished and happy on his own that he decides to contact Christine. Even after the rush of emotions inside him tempt him to return to his old ways when he sees her again, Erik gives her the freedom to leave him and is okay with just hearing her sing one last time. No wonder some of Christine’s final words to him are “…take the love that you deserve…” because he should never have had to earn it.

Erik deserved love the moment he was born, and every time he was denied it, he deserved it even more. Going back to the final lair, he is so angry when Raoul, a handsome aristocrat, who is also Christine’s fiancé, asks for compassion. What’s his answer? “The world showed no compassion to me!” Sometimes the actor is sarcastic and sometimes just plain mad which means Erik is either trying to cope or simply gave up on it. If anyone is long overdue compassion, it’s him, not Raoul.

Minutes later he learns love when Christine kisses him, and later on in a certain scene we never get to see (yep, it’s “Beneath a Moonless Sky”), and then a third time when they reflect on what happened that night. “I woke to swear my love…” and what’s the next line? That’s right, “and found you gone instead!” Erik left.

Christine was to be married, and he didn’t want to hurt that part of her life. He also felt ashamed of himself, but he never says it was because of his face, all he says it he was “ashamed of what he was” (someone an engaged woman cheated with? In THAT period in time), not only that but he was afraid to face her. He took the love she had given him and left before it could turn into hate (after all, it had happened in the past… “tears of hate”, anyone?). So yes, this is the first sign of Erik taking care of himself and a further demonstration of his selflessness that we first see in the Final Lair.

After all, what he does with that little bit of love is work on himself and become the man he believes Christine deserves even though she might never even get to see it. He knows she wants him to be okay and as long as she is too, then they both can be alright with being away from each other.

*cue LND overture, the new chapter in their story where Erik finds out Christine isn’t okay at all*

Once more, character development at its absolute finest!

So no, Raoul, you’re not hurting him in the least by calling him ugly. After all, he has found the beauty underneath as well as the love that he deserved (yes, Gustave, that’s you).

Erik discarding his mask for one of the most important scenes in the show is such a power move in his journey to acceptance. Unmatched.

[flagbridge]

In this week’s chapter, Erik reconciles with his mother and learns why his childhood with her was so fraught. The first term for Bipolar disorder was coined as “La folie circulaire” in 19th century France.

In Erik’s previous chapter, and again here, I try to depict both a child’s experience of a parent with untreated mental illness and then their understanding of that as an adult. As a child, we believe this is our fault and feel powerless to tend to our parents sadness or depression.

Erik’s mother was a widow with (after the first two years of his life) no surviving family, undiagnosed mental illness, and a gifted special needs child. No wonder she was overwhelmed.

We know that many of the lies we tell ourselves of negative false narratives start in childhood and healing those starts with learning where those came from. So Erik starts to see that no only that his life could have been different had the adults around him made different choices (or been healthier), but that his mother did love her and was doing the best she could.

Thanks for reading.

[textsfromthefifthbasement]

I finally finished MAZM: Phantom of the Opera! I’m leaving the review under the cut because it’s long and also spoilers for some elements of the game that aren’t in other Phantom adaptations.

General

First off, I loved the art style of the game. The character designs were quite adorable, and it definitely seemed like they made an effort to follow the original Leroux character designs. They had a blonde Christine and an olive-skinned, dark-haired Meg. I also thought they did a great job with Erik’s character design (though there was too much hair). The sets were beautiful. The majority of the main plot of the game does follow the Leroux book, which I really appreciated. There were some favorite moments in the book that I wish had been incorporated, such as Raoul waking up to find Erik watching him sleep (don’t judge I just find it freaking hilarious), but they incorporated so many other small scenes from the book, such as the managers trying to prevent Erik from taking his salary by using the safety pin. As a history nerd, I also really appreciated the collectible notes giving historical context to some of the discussions, including about three notes on the Paris Commune/Bloody Week. I wished the characters would have had different outfits rather than wear the same outfit the entire story. At the very least, I wished they had made a Red Death outfit for Erik during the masquerade.

I also want to point out and give a warning to anyone who has suicide ideation before they try this game. Pretty early on in the story, you play an episode in which you control Joseph Buquet after he’s dropped into Erik’s torture chamber, and eventually, you have to walk to the noose and pick it. The scene cuts right before he hangs himself. About partway through the story, when you control Christine, there’s a scene in which she has to talk Erik out of killing himself with a shard from a broken vase. At the end, when Christine and Raoul go down to Erik’s house to bury him, they found that he had committed suicide.

In all, I spent about 23 hours on the game from start to finish. I still need to go back and replay a few episodes to complete the achievements. I missed quite a few of the historical notes, and there are parts where you can make different decisions to influence what happens.

In this game, the studio added a lot of subplots that didn’t exist in the book and expanded on some canonical subplots as well. I did enjoy quite a few of these.

The Dancers

Meg, Jammes, and Sorelli are all major characters in the game, and I loved seeing them have more characterization and actual character arcs. Jammes, as a character, doesn’t change as much as the others, but she is only a child. As in the book, she is pretty frightened of ghost stories, strangers, and the Phantom, but in the game, she also loves and takes care of the stray cats living around the opera house and does turn into a bit of a spitfire when her friends are threatened by the various happenings at the opera. Sorelli has a knife and is not afraid to use it, and she comes to realize that her fear of being alone led her to stay with Philippe de Chagny in spite of the fact that he would never officially acknowledge her. Meg, in the beginning, seems afraid of her own shadow, but throughout the game, definitely comes into her own and also develops a much healthier relationship with her mother.

Union

This had to be hands-down my favorite subplot of the game. In the beginning, when Moncharmin and Richard first become the managers of the Palais Garnier, they mistreat Christine and mass fire anyone who mentions the Phantom of the Opera. When Christine goes missing for several weeks, Meg, Sorelli, and Jammes finally decide they have had enough and basically unionize the ballet dancers. There’s an entire protest, a performance in which the ballerinas refuse to perform, and they end up getting a promise from the managers to stop indiscriminately firing and mistreating people.

Christine’s Ending

GUYS. When I joked about Christine just traveling the world and performing instead I had no idea that was an actual choice you can make for her. It’s such a bittersweet ending, but I personally hope that one day she would have emotionally healed enough from her ordeal to come back to Paris and reunite with her old friends.

That being said, there were also a lot of additions/changes that I…really wasn’t a fan of.

Melek

So, for context. During Christine’s first stay at Erik’s house, she decides to do some exploring while he’s gone. While in his room, she hears a woman’s voice behind a wall and goes to investigate. She discovers a hidden door, and behind that hidden door is Melek. We find that Melek is a blind Turkish woman who had been one of Erik’s servants during his time in Constantinople. She had refused to marry him, and so he had kidnapped her and had kept her locked in that room for ten years.

Yes, I have a lot of problems with this.

I think the first thing is that when Melek was introduced is when I really realized that the game was never going to go in the direction of presenting Erik as a character who was sympathetic at times and not so much at others. The game had already painted him as a very unsympathetic character up until then through showing how he had gaslit Christine as the Angel of Music. Introducing Melek really drove that point home, which was kind of disappointing seeing as how the literal point of Leroux’s Le Fantome de l’Opera was that we should pity Erik for how he was treated because of his face.

Additionally, Melek’s character just…didn’t do anything. The more she was around, the more I wondered what the point of her character was. She does offer Christine support half of the time, and then the other half of the time is her being upset because Christine wants to change Erik rather than murder him. Ultimately, it’s my point of view that her character was not a great addition to the game and would have preferred a closer adherence to the book in that regard.

Hatim and PTSD

*sigh* This part seriously pissed me off. While Raoul and Hatim (the Daroga) are in the torture chamber, Hatim tells Raoul the story between him and Erik. We end up playing through a flashback of when Hatim discovers Erik living at the opera house ten years ago. As they discuss their past, we and Hatim quickly realize that Erik has PTSD, and mentioning the Shah of Persia is a serious trigger for him. Which, alright. That does make some sense story-wise.

And then through other flashbacks, Hatim proceeds to use this against Erik. Like he literally would trigger him purposefully as a punishment. And say that he was doing it for his own good.

Like, excuse me, but. What the fuck. What. The actual. Fuck. No. Don’t ever do that, that’s shitty.

Anyways by the end I was legitimately rooting for Erik to punt him.

Erik’s Ending

In the original Leroux novel, Erik presents Christine with a choice: turn the scorpion, and she will marry him, or turn the grasshopper, and the entire opera house will blow up. Christine chooses the scorpion, kisses him on the forehead, and he is so overwhelmed by the action that he saves Raoul’s life and lets them go together. The only promise he extracts from Christine is that she will come back and bury him when he dies, which he believes will be soon. Two weeks later, an ad runs in the newspaper that reads simply, “Erik is dead.”

Yeah. The game really went off the rails here in respect to following the Leroux book. After Christine turns the scorpion, Erik pulls Raoul into the lake and leaves him there, thinking he’ll drown or freeze to death, and then returns to force the marriage. He does eventually let Christine and Melek go, as Christine tells him that she will never love him and that she believes he is a monster, all while he is on his knees begging her just to love him a little. There is no forehead kiss. To the end, Erik writes and tells Hatim that Christine is the devil, and that she abandoned him in hell and wants her to suffer for the rest of her life knowing what she did to him. Yeah, I wish I was making that up.

There is one point where Christine tells Erik it’s not her job to save him. Which I agree with. I feel like whoever wrote the story had a misunderstanding of the ending of the book, or else thought the idea wasn’t explicitly stated enough. The forehead kiss does, in some respect, save Erik. It makes him realize how badly he’s treated everyone and yet Christine is still willing to extend kindness towards him. But it’s not Christine saving him, it’s him coming to that realization on his own. Ultimately, the game traded that idea for a way more heavy-handed “I am not here to save you, I am going to make my own decisions from here on.”

And then, in the face of all that, we’re also missing Erik changing and redeeming himself despite the fact that he’s close to death. Instead, he dies while leaving basically a suicide note to Hatim saying that Christine is the devil and he made her promise to return to bury him to hurt her. Which is so out of character if we look at the book characterization.

Like I knew I was signing up to get my heart ripped out, I just figured it was going to maybe be the brand of Christine having to choose whether or not to stay while Erik dies. And damnit, I just wanted a single forehead kiss.

Anyways, I really enjoyed the game up until the ending. I just seriously disliked the ending for the most part. If you’re more of a fan of the idea of Christine being on her own and finding her own path, that is an enjoyable option to go with. I still need to play through that episode with the marry Raoul choice and see what happens with that option though.

[thephantomessoftheopera]

Notes on Gaston Leroux’s “The Phantom of the Opera” - Chapter 11: “You Must Forget the Name of ‘the Man’s Voice’”

Image from @phantomasquerade​ // Phantom of the Opera 2004

<< Previous Chapter The day after Christine’s return to Erik following the masked ball, Raoul goes to visit Mama Valerius again with the intention of asking her for more information, not quite expecting to meet Christine there. But she has finally reappeared at her home after her two-week absence, wearing a gold wedding ring on her finger (can‘t really blame Raoul for jumping to conclusions, can you?!). And it probably doesn‘t help that she keeps blushing when he notices her ring… 

Overall, she looks a lot healthier than the day before, albeit still a little melancholic. This is now the next day directly after the masked ball, so remember that Erik sang the “wedding night song” when he came to meet Christine the night before. The choice of song is even more fitting when you realize that at some point during that night (or the next morning, probably), Erik put the wedding ring on her finger. So at least in a symbolic sense, it can be indeed considered a “wedding night”.

In this chapter, we get a glimpse of Christine‘s character that we don’t usually see in most other adaptations: a young woman who makes her own choices, won’t be patronized and haughtily rejects all tries to get her to “behave” or exacting promises from her:

“I’m free to do as I please, Monsieur de Chagny. You have no right to keep watch over my behaviour and I ask you to stop doing it.”

Overall, this is not so surprising considering Christine’s lifestyle. She does not have any father or brothers to otherwise “control” her, and she has chosen her own career path which, if successful, will leave her with considerable freedom to do whatever she pleases - more than most other women of her time would enjoy.

Raoul tries to make her promise that she will not go away again, and insists that she has practically accepted the man who gave her the ring as her husband-to-be, while she claims that she never intends to marry. She won’t promise Mama Valerius and Raoul that she will not leave them, and she will also not tell Raoul about the “angel of music” or the man who gave her the wedding ring (which is obviously one and the same).

Seeing that she won’t submit to pressure, Raoul changes his strategy to expressing his concern about her being a victim of some dangerous intrigue, which leads to some more comebacks from an increasingly snappy Christine. He tries to get her to tell him the name of the “man who had the audacity to put a gold ring on her finger”, but she won’t budge. Feeling Christine’s exasperation at being cornered by Raoul’s rather impertinent demands, Mama Valerius switches sides and tells Raoul that it is not for him to interfere if Christine indeed loves Erik.

Raoul himself repeatedly „accuses“ her of being in love with Erik. She never denies it even though there would be ample opportunities for her to do so. Especially here (when, for once, Raoul is not talking about himself):

Raoul: “I’m not sure that the man she loves is worthy of her love.” “That’s for me alone to judge,” said Christine, looking him straight in the eyes with an angry expression.“

She could have simply said, “I don’t love him” or „You do not need to worry about that.“ But she doesn’t. Instead, she makes it *very* clear that she does not like Raoul questioning her ability to judge for herself. During this entire scene, she appears very defensive of Erik, and is also offended that Raoul seems to consider her a fool:

„When a man,“ he continued, feeling his strength abandon him, „uses such romantic means to seduce a girl…“ “Then either the man is a scoundrel or the girl is a fool? Is that what you mean?“ „Christine!“ „Why do you condemn a man you‘ve never seen, a man no one knows, a man you know nothing about?“

But when Raoul tells her that he already knows Erik‘s name, she is terrified because she fears for Raoul‘s life, and asks him to stay away from the „terrible mystery“, making him swear that he will never come to her dressing-room again uninvited.

Next chapter >>

[coping-via-clint-eastwood]

Why I Ship Eristine

I know that Raoulstine is healthier.  I know that Raoulstine is the morally correct ship.  But I still ship Eristine, even though it's toxic.  I actually don't like toxic relationships (duh) but Eristine is my only exception.  Here's why. You can debate, argue, disagree, but be polite.

To start off, Erik does actually love Christine; it's just that he's unhealthily obsessive.  I prefer Eristine to Raoulstine because I want Erik to "win", per se, in the story because I understand and relate to him going through so much, experiencing so much pain, and when something good finally happens to him, when he finally has someone who is a blessing to him wander into his life, he doesn't want to let it go - he doesn't want to let her go.  That's why he's obsessive.

And also because he doesn't know how else to react other than such an unhealthy way.  He had never been guided on how to.  His mental and emotional instability is also, in a way, what has helped him survive.  His obsessive and compulsive nature made him competitive and gave him the drive he needed to become who he is.  The musician, architect, magician.  He was entirely self-taught.  And this life he lived was so unbalanced.  The only thing he had was his work.  He did not have any friends.  Madame Giry is probably more like a trusted "colleague", but they are never closer than that.  He takes a shine to Christine (this is probably the wrong word form send help) because she shares his passion for music, and she is willing to learn.

He sees something special in her, in that she has potential that he could hone, and that she is willing to learn from him.  Erik loves music, and like any other human being, he wants to share what he loves with other people.  And he falls for her because she is the only one who he shares his music with; those feelings escalated because music is the only way he knows to connect with people.

And just when he feels confident enough to finally reveal himself to her, here comes Raoul.  Who wants Christine just as he does.  The reason why Erik goes absolutely apeshit is simply this:  he has put so much hope into this, into a life with Christine, and just as he's taking a bigger step, he gets disappointed.  Do you know how crushing that is?!  No way in hell- he will raise hell when the light at the end of the tunnel is going to fade away from him.

So...I said that I relate to Erik.  I do.  I know what it feels like to hope for something and be disappointed.  I know what it's like to finally have happiness, only for it to be ripped away from me.  I want Erik to have Christine because I want him to have his happiness.  That poor man has been through enough.  Christine can help him heal.  I know that it's ultimately Christine's choice (and she's very solid to choose to save Raoul's life) but...I just wish that Erik could have his happiness...

All this can be summarised as "I am projecting onto a fictional character" but...that's just how I feel.

What Gerry says in the beginning is relevant

And also this

[venividivixx]

Okay folks I just finished watching Love Never Dies and my mind just decided that I haven’t cried enough so let’s talk about this: Lucifer x Chloe from Lucifer are just a modern ( and healthier ) Erik x Christine AU and you can’t change my mind.

Here’s my two cents:

even though Lucifer basically always shows a human face we all know how he really looks like underneath. Just like the phantom he is, in a way, deformed.

the phantom is known for his violent actions, such as Lucifer is known for his punishments.

Lucifer has the power of bringing people to confess their desires just using his voice, the phantom also has a seductive voice and is a ventriloquist ( these things are a bit different but it’s still cool how they both use their voices for something peculiar ).

the phantom is often called an “ angel “ even though he resembles, both in looks and actions, a demon. Lucifer is the devil himself but let’s remember he is an angel before anything else.

we all know the phantom is a music genius, and Lucifer too loves music, plays many instruments and can sing well.

both Lucifer and the phantom hate people because they are only judged based on their image. In TPOTO it is explained that, before hiding under the Opéra, the phantom was seen only as a deformed freak even though he had many marvellous talents. Lucifer is seen only as the Devil, the incarnation of evil, when in fact he punishes only people who make bad choices and take bad actions of their own free will.

the phantom starts to really act as a decent human being ( lmao I love you @ Erik ) only thanks to Christine, Lucifer too starts to act more as a human and really change only after meeting Chloe.

Christine and Chloe both look up to their dead fathers, who once where their “ guides ”. Also, when they grow up they both follow their paths, or at least something similar: Christine becomes a singer ( her father was a violinist ) and Chloe becomes a detective just like her dad.

okay this is kinda stupid but both the names Chloe and Christine start with Ch. Coincidence? I think not.

the phantom thinking that Christine will never love him because of his face and Lucifer thinking the exact same thing of Chloe? Because they are both “ demons ” whereas Chloe and Christine are pure and beautiful and actual rays of sunshine? I’m not even finished yet.

furthermore, both the phantom and Lucifer also think they don’t even / deserve / to be loved.

Christine runs away scared from the phantom after seeing his face for the first time just as Chloe is utterly shocked at the sight of Lucifer’s face and literally disappears for months.

considering the sequel musical canon, Christine starts to properly love the “ man behind the monster ” just as Chloe says she loves Lucifer in the s4 finale being fully aware of who he is and how he truly looks like.

both couples gets separated in a tragic way after finally getting together.

Christine has a former lover ( Raoul ) just as Chloe does ( Daniel ) and they both deserve better.

also, don’t try to tell me it isn’t canon that Lucifer addressed Daniel as “ INSOLENT BOY ” and “ IGNORANT FOOL “ at least once.

Lucifer being the best dad everTM with Trixie, even though she’s not his actual child but that’s not important, just like the phantom with Gustave.

I’ve lost count of how many times Chloe almost dies while Lucifer is around. We all know how Love Never Dies ends.

last but not least, both couples have been through hell ( in Chloe and Lucifer’s case quite literally ).

[elmoralph-blog]

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[wakandascrystal]

Why I feel like Shuri got the best Clapbacks ??

Some guy : Tell me where your boyfriend at?

Princess Shuri : I dont know? Where your diploma at?

Erik’s Friend : Nakia why is your hair always nappy? Why can't you braid it up like Shuri?

Princess Shuri walking by: Her hair is healthier than your marriage.

Distant relative from the Mining tribe : Shuri isn't that your 4th plate?

Princess Shuri : aren't you on your 5th husband?

Erik’s Side Chick : Shuri I wasn't drinking when I was 16

princess Shuri : Well I dont you can drink when your pregnant.

Erik’s Friend : (y/n) getting a tattoo - You know that shit needs lifetime commitment.

Princess Shuri : Like your failed Relationships.

Random Aunty: being a lesbian is a choice!

Princess Shuri : Just like your 3rd abortion?

Princess Shuri: OMG I slept for 10 hours. Is there anything I missed.

Random guy: my dick

Princess Shuri : Oh good. I didn't miss anything big.

Random Aunty: to your child: (y/c/n) Santa is not real!! 

Princess Shuri : Neither was your marriage 

[wellntruly]

STRANGER THINGS Recap: 2x07

My recaps aren’t usually this short, but also Stranger Things isn’t usually ‘The Lost Sister’

Oh dip do you think Kali might be like…her Spiritual (Adv)isor?

Stranger Things 2, Chapter Seven: ‘The Lost Sister’

I don’t remember disliking the Chicago episode when I first watched this season. Admittedly it was in the midst of a binge with Jen and we were really going through it by this point!! I remember thinking it was abstractly interesting that the show stepped away from the rest of the action to follow just one character’s story for a whole episode, and that that story was such a textbook Hero’s Journey. The Hero, our Eleven, must go on a quest alone without her companions, she must cross a threshold into another world, where she will encounter trials, and guides, and choices, and where she will Learn Something, which she will bring back with her to her community when she returns to her world. Beat by beat by beat, it’s all right there.

But I’ll say again: abstractly interesting. It’s interesting in theory that they would pause to do a side-quest episode. At the time, I do not believe I was paying much attention to the execution of it. And this time I was. And it is not great! I'm a nut and have no problem with the swerve on principle, but I do with swerving into something this clunky. There is so little internal logic or emotional cohesion between scenes, nothing to organically lead the characters from what they were just doing to what they are doing now, only the top-down requirement that this moment needs to happen for the episode to accomplish what it wants to accomplish. It ends up feeling like an extended walk-and-talk through an Ikea showroom floor of pre-fab punk set pieces. Wait, why are we now in the scene from X-Men: First Class where Erik tries to move the satellite? Oh that’s just what comes after the kitchen introduction scene---keep moving, please, we have to reach the shoot-out at the end before 8pm.

Again, a lot of what it is they wanted to accomplish here I have no problem with. I like El getting to bond with another girl that went through Dr. Brenner’s experiments. I like that she thinks of her as her sister, so much! And hell I like that this group’s philosophy is so exactly the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants answer to the more Xavier’s School vibe she has with the Party and Hopper, that scene a mirrored reflection where instead of Charles coaching Erik to move through his anger to serenity, Kali is another Erik encouraging El—or Jane now, her Mutant name—to go All Rage All the Way.

However, and again this comes back to execution, the depiction of Kali and her gang of misfits….I feel this could have used another read. It’s quite hackneyed. And while it’s nice to have more characters of color onscreen in Stranger Things, that they are so openly being used to just be The Other, is a bummer.

So, what do we take away from this interlude? One, and most importantly, EL’S BABY-PUNK MAKEOVER. Bitchin’. Hilarious. Two, wow I had completely forgotten that one of the largest mythology reveals of this season is that Dr. Brenner might still be alive?? So we learn THAT.

But third and finally: El realizes that while sometimes they may make her angry or sad, her Hawkins family are still the most important people in her life, and where she wants to be. When El sees Hopper and Mike as we last saw them in the Lab, though now just as isolated pale figures moving through that black panto space, so beset by troubles, I got goosebumps!! We care about them so much, already miss them even though for us it’s barely been one episode, and you can see the same feeling crashing over El. She loves them, and they love her, Hopper’s message over the radio finally making it to her here, sob.

They’re her people, and they are in TROUBLE, they are in danger!

“They cannot save you, Jane,” Kali tells her. “No,” El agrees. “But I can save them.”

LOVE. PROTECTION. This is such a stronger and healthier driving purpose than Kali’s wrathful revenge.

And so, Hero’s Journey complete, having Learned Something, El sets off back to our world, on another night bus through Indiana. “♫ We gotta get back to Haw-kins!” I sang to myself, loonily, “We gotta get back to schoooooool! ♫”

Man it’s gonna be GOOD to be BACK!

- - - - -

Love Letters to Stranger Things Stranger Things (2016) Stranger Things 2: Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six

[lovemecharlie]

Three Months In.

This takes place after Good Luck, Charlie. We're plugging in the holes and continuing this story line, giving you the aftermath.

The news spread like wildfire. Charlie was pregnant and now everyone in the house knew although Charlie didn't look much bigger than usual. What they didn't know, was how far long and by who.

"She can do a paternity test while you're still pregnant and we could figure all of this out together as a unit," Hennessy reasoned in favor of Charlie seeing the family physician. Charlie heard every word, but Erik's threat was louder in her ear.

“I won’t kill that nigga. Simply because if it is his baby I wouldn’t forgive myself if the kid grew up without a father. I know that hurt. If it’s mine he’s dying though.”

Those were Erik's exact words when he'd shown up at her job to bring her back. He'd accepted the possibility of the child not being his and the possible involvement of another father figure in the household, although Charlie wouldn't disrespect him like that by bringing another nigga in there on principle. However, his murderous threat was very real and Charlie worried that if the baby was his, he'd kill Trevante.

Trevante had done nothing wrong. He was a good and patient distraction during a rough point in her life. Erik should be thanking him if anything for keeping her company and laughing with her after he'd broken her heart. In Charlie's mind, Erik could blame himself.. not Trevante. She'd told him as much. He didn't want to hear it, but he listened. Since Charlie had been back, Erik's ear was open and focused on her vocal chords whether he liked what she had to say or not. Every word she spoke or even mumbled under her breath, he heard. He stayed so close to her, she started to wonder if he could read her thoughts.

"What you thinking about, Cha?" She'd felt him staring at her and now his hand landed gently on her shoulder as she sprinkled cheese on her homemade pizza crust. This was him being attentive.

If you touch Trevante, N'Jadaka, I swear on this marriage and your left testicle... Don't. Do not.

"I'm just thinking.. about this pizza," she said flippantly with no expression, but his digging eyes knew different.

"Communication is our issue, Charlie. You know every fucking thing about me. I know every fucking thing about you. Yet somehow, I can't get into this one part of your mind, it's like you got it locked away and that's that unpredictable part that will misunderstand me one day and up and leave. You won't say shit, you'll just disappear one day and then I'm a be wondering what I did wrong for the next ten years."

"Sounds familiar. I feel like I'm stepping over landmines emotionally with you sometimes, like I gotta reign myself in. I'm a heavy lover, Erik. Still waters run deep. You don't always feel me and that's what I need. I crave it like I crave sweets on my period or like you crave pussy."

"I can be that for you, you just gotta be patient with me and talk to me like you doing now. I'll get it down.. just like you need it, just work with me and don't give up." His arms wrapped around her from behind.

"I wouldn't have come back if I planned to give up. I plan to make this marriage work and communicate with you the way I've learned that I need to, so you gotta be patient with me too."

"I'm patient," he nodded with a kiss on her neck. "How's the baby?" He rubbed her stomach in her simple olive green dress and she nodded. He hadn't told her to get tested, but she wasn't dumb, she knew him like she knew herself and he wanted to know badly if he was the father. She could see the question written on his forehead, he was that transparent. She wouldn't even see a physician because then they'd know exactly how far along she was and Erik would find out the truth based on the dates, she was convinced he would.

She already knew who the father was without a doubt. Trevante knew who the father was too, she didn't have to tell him.

She walked over to the refrigerator. "I'm gonna bake this pizza from scratch since I'm back in this obscenely large mansion and it has a pizza oven. What toppings do you want this time?"

"Pepperoni. Your titties bigger..." Charlie kept her eyes on the food unsure of where he'd lead the conversation. He'd been trying to fuck since she got back, but she was scared he'd hit it a bit too well.. make her confess her secrets and her sins. "..I didn't think that was possible," he added and she knew he was still staring. "You thickening up all over. You know it's hard for Daddy too keep his hands to himself when you this thick."

"I've just been eating," Charlie deadpanned. Erik's quick gust of silent laughter made her look up. He was leaning on the counter, smiling and it made her pause her actions and smile back. She sighed, her shoulders finally relaxing. "I did miss you, N'Jadaka." She genuinely meant it. As hurt as she was, she'd always loved him and that could never change. "..In all your stupid lil moments," she snickered turning quickly to wait on his comeback to fire.

"Mine?! What about you, Ms. Troublemaker," he yelled playfully, watching her shove the pizza into the oven.

"I have no idea what you're referring to." Her stubborn eyes gave nothing away while his twinkled with humor and she was warmed to know that no matter what they went through in their relationship, they could bounce back and still have fun just like this.

As long as he didn't kill Tre.

---

"Girl, you're pregnant now. You can't be eating all this junk and empty calories. You're eating for two and some things you just don't need to eat," Hennessy admonished taking Charlie's pint of Rocky Road and replacing it with a big bowl of spinach and tomato salad.

"Don't nobody want no twigs and berries," Charlie grimaced, ultimately caving and accepting the healthier option. She was just hungry.. and all the time. Hennessy had the kitchen staff restock the fridge with healthier choices removing all of the snacks to make things easier. With two pregnant women in the house, one six months along and battling with her health, they needed all the nutrients they could gather.

"I wish we could sneak in and talk to Angel," Charlie said wistfully staring at the salad on her fork. "But Erik has her under lock and key like a prisoner, afraid that anything will be too much. I mean, the girl is physically fragile right now, yes, but she's not fragile fragile. I just wanna see her.. Lay eyes. I've only seen her like once since I've been back and that was when we gave her her gifts."

"You know how stubborn that man is. Once he gets it in his mind that he's right, no one can change his mind."

"She's probably lonely... and what about the nursery? Can't we finish it?"

"No, he's contacting Kristina Rhodes, the interior designer she loves. She'll be okay, it'll be a good surprise for her."

"Yeah, that's true," Charlie agreed stuffing her mouth with more salad as she stood with the bowl. "Someone still needs to pluck that wild hair up Erik's ass though. If Angel weren't going through hell with her pregnancy, she would set him straight."

"Sounds like a mission for King Jade," Hennessy stared. Charlie thought about it. She might be okay to go if she remained in control. He wouldn't get her in his clutches.

"You know, a month ago I'd have been too tired and nauseous, but I've been feeling pretty good lately," Charlie stretched. "You might be right. It has been a while afterall.. I just have to make sure I pee first. I haven't been able to stop."

"That's normal because neither could Angel, but you should still get your check-ups. Even if you don't do the paternity test, we don't need a repeat of this drama or Erik acting any crazier than he already is because if he snaps, I'm scared we'll all be locked in this house and I'll have to hurt him."

"Pfft," Charlie grinned, "I'd poof with Poosy and get medical care elsewhere. After witnessing this bearded nut in action, I refuse."

---

Charlie stared at the Mischief Managed mug sitting on her desk full of honey and ginger tea. She pinched the bridge of her nose, stressed as Trevante kept insisting and insisting the same thing over and over.

"I don't care, Tre... No," she shrugged. "No, I'm not telling him... Oh well!... Not yet," she reiterated. Trevante kept pushing her to tell Erik and the rest of the kompound the truth and to see a physician to check on her and the baby's health, but Erik's threat was still fresh to her and echoing in her head.

"Stop fuckin worrying about me, Charlie, I'm good. I keep telling you, I'm a grown man and I can handle myself. That baby has a father and you know who it is. Don't make him worry too long... It's his baby too and if I were him I'd wanna know."

Always so level headed. Trevante was a gem and she'd forever be grateful for him. She smirked, picking up her mug. "So, was the pussy worth this drama?" She sipped her tea, imagining his face from her blunt question.

"..Uhhhhhhh..," he paused and she gasped, smiling at the phone. "I'm kidding, hell yeah it was worth it. I wanted you before you knew who I was... but I respect your relationship. As long as you're happy."

As long as you're happy.

"I am," Charlie smiled. There weren't many people, men especially, that she trusted.. and not many people, men especially, would genuinely be happy for a person in Charlie's situation. She was very aware of that fact and she respected him more than she could ever verbally express.

---

"I've been keeping this big secret because I've been afraid of the fallout, but I don't know. I don't know if I should tell the truth. What do you think, Lady Tigra?" Charlie sat with her legs folded staring at the clouds moving slowly across the sky as the large Bengal and Siberian mixed tiger splashed up from her pond wetting Charlie's loose grey t-shirt and black leggings. She laughed. She wasn't soaked, it was just a splash.

"Should I do it," Charlie asked as the large feline emerged, circling her to sit beside her before laying down. Charlie rubbed her back, the wet thick hairs a comfort. "You know, they say if you have heartburn it's because your kid has a lot of hair. I wonder if Mini Charlie will be as hairy as us.. That reminds me.. we need a name for this new bundle of joy. I'm thinking Czar if it's a boy.. or D'artagnan, something interesting. Atreyu..."

"And if she's a girl?" Erik's voice came smoothly from behind causing Charlie to look back. She wondered how much he'd heard.

"I'm not sure, I thought of Monaco," she murmured, looking up at him. He sat on her other side, watching the same sky in thoughtful silence.

"I've been thinking Jada.. pretty like her mom."

Charlie smiled, watching him from the corner of her eye. It was a peaceful scene that she wished she could stay in forever.. that moment, wedged between Erik and Tigra, her protectors.. the sun high and the clouds clear.. wind blowing a gentle breeze. She decided it was now or never.

"I like N'Jada.. It has a little bit of both her parents."

There it was. She'd dropped the bomb waiting for it to register.

Erik's eyes widened as he turned to her, his breathing suddenly faster. He searched her eyes intensely grabbing her face and waiting for her to take it back, flinging himself at her when she smiled. She fell on Tigra and rolled trying to crawl as Tigra looked on, Erik's embrace tight and his lips covering her in a barrage of excited kisses. "OKAY," Charlie yelled through tears of laughter. "Tell me you forreal. How you know," Erik rushed not letting her up.

"Condoms, Erik! Lots of condoms. You really thought I'd let some guy nut in me? I barely let you nut in me!.. Now that you know the truth, you better not bother Trevante, let's just both leave him alone."

"Girl ain't nobody thinking bout that nigga, this my kid!" He stood helping her to her feet before grabbing her up in another tight embrace that threatened to break her in half. It was the best news he'd gotten in a while. A long while. Hoisting her up into his arms, he jogged back to the house with her clinging to his torso, her legs around his waist. He burst through the door like the police, causing a ruckus as he yelled to anyone in the house who could hear.

"IT'S MY BABY!! Y'ALL!! IT'S MY MUHFUCKIN BABY!! MY WIFE, MY SEED!!"

He held Charlie to his body preventing her from jumping down as he continued his loud decree.

"What the hell is wrong with you," Davita came running with Kimora close behind.

"It's my baby," he repeated, his grin stretching from ear to ear.

"Did she get the paternity test?"

"No need, my condom game strong," Charlie sighed. "Plus, I did the math after my last period and this pitbull here was definitely in these guts. It was before I left."

"You didn't think you should say anything before.." Davita wasn't sold.

"I'm just glad it's Erik's," Kimora shrugged with a smirk.

Josephine poofed into the room in a black bra and high-waisted thong, her mouth covered in a black half-mask. "Hrrerrer," she removed the mask that blocked her speech, "What's happening down here?"

Erik finally set Charlie down wrapping his arms around her to show off her stomach. "It's my baby, I'm the father."

"YESSSS," she cheered getting as hype as he was, hugging him. He almost squeezed the life from her too. Charlie noticed Josie's eyes bulge in shock. "O-Okay, calm down!"

He chuckled separating himself and taking off toward the stairs, no doubt to locate and tell everyone else in the house the news as Charlie sighed in relief, a large weight off her shoulders.

@poosypoosy @bastioncarterstevens-udaku @hennessystevens-udaku @itsangeludaku @alyshastevens-udaku @itskimorafireudaku @allhailnjadaka @bidibidibombaclaat @blackpinup22 @destinio1 @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat @leahnicole1219 @vikkidc @thehomierobbstark @trevantesbrat

[douxreviews]

Jessica Jones - ‘A.K.A. Customer Service is Standing By’ Review

“Any time you try and make something better, it’s 50-50 you’ll make it worse.”

Or, the one where Jessica meets the Big Bad and Trish gets her big shot.

Considering Jessica lost her spleen I thought she took the realization that Erik was the actual target rather well. Her pragmatism and her need for justice far outweigh the desire to make Erik pay. After all, he wasn’t the one that stabbed her. Of course it doesn’t stop her from using him as bait.

In some ways, Erik and Jessica are flip sides of the same coin. Neither is averse to breaking the odd rule (or law) here or there but they are fundamentally good people. They are just so damaged by their abilities and life in general that they self medicate with booze and sex to make it through the day. Yet in the face of an ocean’s worth of evil Jessica’s response is to wade in and try to make it better, one bucket at a time.  Conversely, discouraged by the prospect, Erik searches for higher ground. This is why she can’t let Erik’s marks slide by with just paying a fee but is fine with Erik keeping the payments.

All of which is prologue to the introduction of Gregory Sallinger, this season’s Big Bad. He’s a photographer, lawyer, psychologist, chemist, engineer, and former athlete. He also happens to be a serial killer that believes Jessica has proof of his misdeeds. All of which should make him a formidable opponent.

Consider me underwhelmed. If Gregory was half as intelligent as he thinks he is he might have noticed that Jessica recorded his whole rant, including his plans to set her up for assaulting him. Have villains learned nothing from The Incredibles? Stop monologuing!

In other news, I’m not sure what Jeri’s endgame is. Does she want one last fling with an old flame before the bed rails and transfer benches take over her life? Is this her way of taking the home care specialist’s advice? Does she think Kith will come running once she finds out what a schmuck Peter is and nurse Jeri till the bitter end? She could have had the first without all the manipulations. The latter is unrealistic on so many levels. Kith has no interest in being one of Jeri’s playthings. And I suspect Kith will recognize Jeri’s fingerprints all over her husband’s fall from grace regardless of how careful Malcolm is.

And what of Malcolm. Trish, for all her faults, hit him where it hurts. In deciding to “make his bones” working for Jeri, he’s made a Faustian bargain, and he knows it. However, it does not stop him from parlaying his skills into a sizable raise and a nicer office. I know Jessica treated him poorly but when he worked for her, at least his conscience was clear.

Trish’s conscience is clear too, although it shouldn’t be. Trish honestly believes she’s on the side of angels when she accuses Malcolm. Yet, she’s just traded in one addiction for another in the false belief that playing hero is the healthier alternative. Considering it has cost her apartment, led her to breaking and entering, assault, and nearly manslaughter, I beg to differ. And just as with drugs, it’s affecting her cognitive abilities. If Trish had been thinking straight, her first real crime fighting foray ending in a near-death experience would have given her pause. Instead, she jumps at the chance to work with Jessica tracking down her attacker. Proving Trish neither understands how fractured their relationship is nor that there is more to Jessica’s 180 than meets the eye. A season one Trish would have known better.

The discovery of Erik’s abilities and the introduction of the Big Bad made this feel more like a season opener. That’s not necessarily a bad thing but at this point, I was hoping for a little more forward progression and a little less set up. However, Jessica’s journey from despising the sight of Trish to her willingness to use her ex-best friend in the hope of taking down a serial killer was almost worth the price of admission.

3 out of 5 “teaching moment” weights

Parting Thoughts

In the comics, Erik Gelden was a bank robber known as Mind-Wave who had run-ins with both Daredevil and Punisher.  

Sal’s condition may have stabilized but what about her son that was thrown unconscious into the pool?

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the blood on the money is either Jessica’s blood from the now clean knife or it isn’t human blood.

Quotes:

Erik: “Cut me some slack, Sal. I always come through.” Sal: “A few days late and a few grand light.” Erik: “At least I’m consistent.”

Jessica: “There are a lot of shitty people out there. There’s no reason for us to double up. Go find your own bad guy.”

Erik: “Our luck is changing.” Jessica: “Yeah, if you set the bar at being drowned and stabbed.”

Jessica: “Say I wasn’t here and you’d found out what he was doing, what would you have done.” Erik: “Asked for more money.”

Jessica: “I told you, I don’t rely on anyone.”

Erik: “We could spend the rest of our lives stopping bad guys and we would never even make a dent.”

Jeri: “A cheating, manipulative, narcissist like Peter isn’t worthy of your sympathy.” Malcolm: “Says she who’s without sin, right.”

Jeri: “I was doing you a favor. I don’t see what the problem is.” Kith: “Because you think of everything as a transaction.”

Erik: “Did you fly here or something? Do you need a ride?”

Jessica: “Gotcha, you stabbing piece of shit.”

Gregory: “Particle physics requires research. I figured you out in an afternoon.”

Erik: “Sal and I had a disagreement about punctuality.”

Jessica: “You make my life choices look good.”

Trish: “I’m happy to help. Thanks for calling.”

---

Shari loves sci-fi, fantasy, supernatural, and anything with a cape.

[iliketowrite1996]

Just the Way you Are part 1

This was created because I love the men of the MCU. But also, because I’ve been feeling a lot of insecurities about my looks lately, from society and from the things that people, even my own family, have said to me. I have drawn form my own experiences, especially for the hair one. But I’ve also drawn form experiences around me. I am tired of being insecure. That ends today. So, with prayer and trust in God and good friends and other supportive people in my life, I’m getting more confident.

Let’s go.

Collaboration with @chaneajoyyy

Skin- Peter Parker x Reader

               You’re sitting on the patio of your parents’ house. It’s summer break and the sunshine are blanketing you in its light and warmth. The rays are sending beams against your skin. Your eyes are closed as you take in the sound of lawnmowers doing their job, and the leaves rustling in the trees from the cool summer breeze.

               Until you hear a picture being taken on a phone.

               Your eyes snap open and you look over to see your college boyfriend of three months, Peter Parker, looking like a kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar right before dinner.

               ‘’Babe, what are you doing?’’

               ‘’Taking a selfie.’’

               ‘’You don’t tale selfies with the font-facing camera,’ your eyes narrow, ‘’Where you are taking a picture of me?’’

               He looks sheepish before showing you the photo that is now stored on his phone, ‘’I am.’’

               ‘’Um… why?’’

               Peter runs a hand through his light brown hair as his eyes find the ground, unable to meet yours out of embarrassment.

               ‘’It’s just… your skin in the sunlight.’’

               You feel your stomach tighten. You’ve always been a bit insecure abut he tone of your skin. You have vague memories of people telling you to stay out of the sun and of seeing horrid things about darker skin tones. It’s something you’re still working on overcoming, but there are still days where you wonder why the tone of your skin even matters to others.

               ‘’What about it,’’ you steel yourself, on the defense and ready to attack should you be attacked.

               ‘’It’s just…y you’re glowing. In the sunlight. You’re beautiful,’’ Peter says.

               And, okay, you weren’t expecting that. So, you blink a couple of times before a breathtaking smile spreads across your face and you’re giggling into your palm.

               ‘’I mean it!’’ Peter chuckles, ‘’You’re gorgeous. I don’t know how anybody couldn’t’ see it,’’

               You don’t look to Peter for validation. You really don’t. But he’s the first guy that’s complimented your skin, giving you the positive affirmation that you’ve been trying to give yourself for years.

               ‘’Thank you, Peter. I appreciate the compliment,’’ you speak genuinely.

               ‘’No worries. I, um… I never give out compliments without meaning it.’’

               To Peter, it was probably just that- a compliment.

               But to you, it was acceptance of sort. You’re learning to accept yourself, and the fact that Peter does, too, doesn’t hurt.

               Peter totally doesn’t plan tons of outdoor activities for you two just because you look so wonderful in the sunlight. No, he doesn’t.

               You do start loving your skin tone a bit more.

               To him, that’s the greatest thing of all.    

               And you just happen to agree with him.

Hair-      

               Learning to love your 4c hair has always been a battle. When it wasn’t pressed or permed until it was bone straight, you either had a sew in or braids or twists. Wearing it out in a natural and unstrained state was something that you always wanted to do, but never had the courage to fulfill.            Until this year.

               You started small. You started by not wearing extensions and sew=ins as often. Then, you cut your own, still straightened, hair, into a pixie cut. Finally, you took the big leap of faith- going full natural.            

And learning to embrace your curls has been sometimes rewarding, sometimes a struggle. Your Teenier Weenie Afro is a work in progress, and you often find yourself comparing it to others with bigger, fuller hair than yours. And it is especially difficult when you look at your best friend’s looser curls, her type 3 hair, and hear people praise hers while shaming yours.

               So, it’s no surprise that, when Steve picks you up for date night, he finds you with ears in your eyes and fretting over your curls.

               ‘’Hey, hey, hey,’’ he rushes in the door of your apartment, setting the flowers he’d just bought for you on the table down and taking your face in his hands, ‘’What’s wrong?’’

               ‘’My dad.’’

               From your expression and the tone of your voice, Steve can tell that it’s not something good.

               So, he ushers you over to a seat and gives you a glass of water to help you calm down.

               ‘’What happened, doll,’’ Steve asks quietly.

               ‘’Well, we spent sometime together today. Everything was going great, it was fine. Really. Until he asked me when I was going to straighten my hair again. And I told him that I didn’t know. And I asked him, ‘’Why’’ you know? Because that’s so random. Then he starts telling me how he likes my hair better natural.’’

               With a sigh and a shake of his head, Steve nonverbally expresses his disappointment. He’s known you for five years now, and he’s glad to see you embracing your curls. It’s something you’ve always told him you wanted to do. And, if you’re happy, then Steve’s happy.

               ‘’Who cares what he thinks? It’s your hair, not his.’’

               ‘’I know that I should not care,’’ you sigh, ‘’But you don’t understand ow big of a deal this is. A black girl’s hair is never ‘just hair’. I get told that my hair is unkempt and unprofessional and ugly. All because it grows from my scalp literally just like this and others don’t like it.’’      

               Steve has always tried to sympathize. However, he realizes that there are something’s that he can’t relate to. So, for those times, he does what he does best when it comes to you.

               He listens.

               He lets you cry and rant about your hair, about how it took you so long to like it and about how you want to straighten it. And about how you think all hair types are beautiful so why can’t people show you the same respect?

               ‘’It’s just… I don’t know,’’ you pull at a curl before letting it bounce back into place, ‘’Maybe I will straighten it.’’

               ‘’Only if you want to.’’

               ‘’But people- ‘’

               ‘’Will always have an opinion. And, sometimes, opinions can be wrong. In my opinion,’’ he jokes, ‘’And, babe, you are not your hair. I know I can’t always understand exactly what you feel, but I am trying to. Personally, I love your hair no matter how it is. I know that, deep down, you are still trying to do the same thing, if urn conversations are any indication. Your hair is a part of you. If you wouldn’t change yourself for just anyone, you shouldn’t change parts of yourself for just anyone either.

               Those words throw you for a loop. Because for a large part of your life, you have felt that what you did for your hair was never your choice. It was always what your family liked, what your friends liked, what your classmate and co-workers like, what society liked.

               But here is Steve Rogers and he loves your hair whether it’s straight and or in braids or with weave or in its natural state. And he’s accepting everything that you are still trying to learn how to cope with and eventually love.

Re still learning to love about he kinks and the coils that adorn the top of your head.

               So, it’s not some pivotal, defining moment that happens that makes you decide to put down the tranters you ere about to use.

               It’s the fact that you believe pole should be allowed to wear their hair the way they want to.

               And screw anyone that can’t stand to see you happy with your hair, as it is now fuller and thicker and healthier.

               Steve doesn’t’ know it, but this conversation will have a gauge effect in how you see yourself.

               And maybe, just maybe, it’s what makes you point at the bottle of pink hair dye on the salon owner’s shelf six months later.

               And maybe, just maybe, Steve hypes you up about your pink, dip -dyed afro as you burst through the door later.

               Six years later, Steve will have a similar conversation about your hair with your daughter.

               And he’ll say the same thing to her- that she is not her hair but that it is apart of herm should she choose for it to be.

               You’ll sit back, waiting for her to digest those words in her five-year-old mind. She’ll see herself the way you see hermit he way sees her, the way that you now see yourself.

               And maybe just maybe, you’ll get her to see her curls the way you see yours- as a crown.

               Because you’re a queen.

               You always have been.

               Now, you just truly embrace that you are.

 Lips- N’Jadaka ‘’Erik Stevens’’ Udaku aka Killmonger x Reader

               Lips.

               Erik loves to look at, kiss, taste, and bite them.  

Specifically, yours.

               You, on the other hand, do not always see your lips as wonderfully as Erik does.  Some days you think they are too full, to plump, too big, Other days you wish that they could look fuller, that they could look as full and luscious as others seem to think they should be.

In Erik’s mind?

Bump all of that.

Your lips are perfect, despite what you or others has to say about them. And he’s going to get that into your head, one way or another,

So, he presses kisses to your lips daily. Runs his tomb across the skin of them and tells you how much he loves them.

Gently bites them and licks them before pulling away, leaving you biting the lips that he’s just finished verbally praising before he kissed you.

Tells you how good that lip-gloss tastes or how hot that new shade of lipstick is on you.

It’s a start, he thinks, when you start breaking out of your comfort zone and wearing different shades of lipstick. You switch it up a bit here and there- darker tones and lighter tones and neutral tomes and everything in between. He loves how the Coors you choose compliment your skin tone, but more importantly, how they make your lips look.

And, most importantly, he absolutely adores how you begin to feel about your looks.

It happens slowly.

One morning he’s getting ready for work and he notices you smiling at your reflection, gently touching your lips before picking out the purple lipstick you love so much to wear for the day.

Your social media no longer shows pictures of you doing anything to take the attention away from your lips. It’s not completely and explicitly stated, but he can see the change, the growth in confidence in your looks.

It’s slow progress, and it isn’t always steady progress. It’s progress none the less.

               So, three months later, when he kisses you and groans out, ‘’I love your lips.’’

               And you say, ‘’I know,’’ with a saucy wink and a smile, he can’t help but to grin back.

               Because his girlfriend is finally beginning to see herself the way that he sees her,

               The way that he hopes to see her for the rest of his life.

               Because, honestly, he could hype you up about your lips until the end of the time.

               If you say yes when he presents the ring to you tonight, he intends to do just that.

 DISCLAIMER- I DO NOT OWN ANY MARVEL CHARACTERS OR THEIR FICTIONAL UNIVERSES, COUNTRIES, OR CITIES.

@ashanti-notthesinger nger​ @destinio1 1​ @afraiddreamingandloving​ @starsshines-blog @airis-paris14​ @syreanne e​ @chaneajoyyy @90sinspiredgirl @shemiahsmelanin @zillmonger r @skysynclair19 @bidibidibombaclaat @marvelpotterlove @constantlycravingtheunknown @imaginewhoever @wakanda-inspired @pocmarvelworks @theunsweetenedtruth @dreampovx @adrioola21

[rosewaterbaptism]

interview with the vampire finale was going soooo well... until the part with rashid :/

spoilerz under the cut

what i liked: rashid is the vampire armand!!! cool!!!

what i didn’t like: rashid was the love of louis’ life??? AND NOT LESTAT?????

god, watching this show FINALLY made textal all the subtextual aching and yearning of the iwtv movie. and 100% of that yearning was louistat’s fucked up *lady gaga voice* bad romance. i don’t WANT a healthy relationship i want fucked up people making each other worse hand in unlovable fucking hand!!!!! fuck you!!!!! that’s the whole reason i liked this show, the ache of toxic love that gives you just enough to keep you alive but not enough to ever keep you satisfied. do you even know the insane ecstacy of a ship that could be healthy if only the characters made better choices but never fucking will be because that’s not the kind of story the characters are in?? that’s the shit that keeps me going back to ships like erik/christine, snape/lily, l’rell/ash tyler time and time again, year after year, while healthier ships fade into the background. the ache of a ship so close to working out and yet so far feels like every nerve is being stretched thin and i love it. i love torturing myself. please, interview with the vampire, please don’t take a moral stance by healing louis’ wounds through a non-abusive boyfriend like yes i love it when it works out like that irl and i wish everyone recovering from abuse a very love & healing & happiness 🫶🏼 but that’s not what i signed up for sorry.

also, sorry for sounding like an insane little freak on this post. exam stress has fried my brain beyond all recognition. it will happen again. 

also also there IS hope to be had, you can tell that louis still loves lestat by the way that he refuses to vilify him in his narrative, maybe armand is just a rebound, he’s just saying armand is the love of his life to Cope. here’s how louistat can still win.

[art-of-manliness]

Podcast #397: The 3 Pillars of a Meaningful Life

In recent years, there’s been a lot of books and blogs put out on how to become happier. But what if searching for happiness actually results in unhappiness, and to get happiness we need to be looking for something else?    That’s what my guest argues in her book. Her name is Emily Esfahani Smith and she’s the author of The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness.    We begin our discussion talking about the difference between happiness and meaning and why the latter brings more fulfillment. Emily then highlights research that shows more and more Westerners are reporting that their life lacks meaning and the theories as to why that is. She then breaks down what the three pillars of a meaningful life are and what we can do to experience them. Emily and I then discuss whether it’s really possible to create meaning by yourself and whether or not it requires being embedded in a religious or spiritual tradition.  Show Highlights * How Emily started exploring the science of meaning  * Can you find meaning outside of religion? How?  * The difference between happiness and meaning  * What does it even mean to be happy? * The three conditions of a satisfying life  * Could you live a meaningful life and ultimately not be very happy? * Why are more and more people saying their life doesn’t feel meaningful?  * Is this problem worldwide? * The loneliness problem and rising individualism in society  * Can real connections be made via social media? * Why a meaningful life takes effort * What does it mean to have a purpose in life? * How and where most people will find purpose in life  * What role does storytelling play in living a meaningful life?  * Are we deluding ourselves by spinning our stories in a positive light? * What is transcendence? How do we experience more of it? * How can you experience the divine in non-religious settings? Resources/People/Articles Mentioned in Podcast * How the Government and Big Business Sold Us Well-Being * Hardwiring for Happiness * How to Find Your Life’s Purpose  * Man’s Chief Purpose * Meanings of Life by Roy Baumeister * How Face-to-Face Contact Makes You Healthier, Happier, and Smarter * Building Your Band of Brothers * 5 Ancient Stoic Tactics for Modern Life * Erik Erikson * The Power of Wonder * The Forgotten Virtue of Reverence * My podcasts with Jordan Peterson: 1st episode and 2nd episode * The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus Connect With Emily  Emily on Twitter Emily’s website Emily on Facebook  Listen to the Podcast! (And don’t forget to leave us a review!) Listen to the episode on a separate page. Download this episode. Subscribe to the podcast in the media player of your choice. Podcast Sponsors Squarespace. Creating a website has never been different. Start your free trial today at Squarespace.com and enter code “manliness” at checkout to get 10% off your first purchase.  Harry’s. Upgrade your shave with Harry’s. Get a FREE trial set by visiting harrys.com/manliness. Click here to see a full list of our podcast sponsors. Recorded with ClearCast.io. Read the Transcript Coming soon! The post Podcast #397: The 3 Pillars of a Meaningful Life appeared first on The Art of Manliness. http://dlvr.it/QPsnfz

[bullet-farmer]

1,300 words about Loki, mental illness, and why “lol he’s such a lovable asshole” isn’t my jam.

Anyway, Loki is a severely traumatized and mentally ill person who has very few positive coping mechanisms and falls entirely outside the bullshit respectability politics MI people are supposed to play by in order to be considered full human beings. And that’s one of many reasons why he has legions of fans--many of whom are fellow MI people--and why I love him. 

And why his Ragnarok arc means a lot to many of us—and why we’re worried about his Infinity War arc. 

To be honest, it kind of bothers me when people are like “lol Loki is such a trash asshole.” I mean���yes? Sometimes? And you’re entitled to your own interpretation of a movie, and especially of its most multifaceted character, so I won’t get in your face because I think you’re wrong on the internet. But that’s not all he is. And as someone with an illness that makes society dismiss me as a piece of trash and a raging asshole (who isn’t deserving of equal rights, I might add), I’m sorry to be riled up about this, but it does kind of rile me up.

When I watch Thor, I see a person who already had mental health challenges and a lot of doubt about his place in the world have his entire life blown apart with no help to pick up the pieces and no real understanding of how to pick them up.

When I watch Avengers, I see a person having a full-blown crisis and lashing out at anything and everything in his path—especially someone who loves him—to try to gain some control over his life. The fact he has godlike powers and can therefore make his problems, everyone’s problems doesn’t take away from this. If anything, it only adds to it to me. Because as a borderline, I can tell you that I’ve wanted the entire world to feel my pain and understand it many, many times.

When I watch Dark World, I see a person who finally becomes numb to everything life has thrown at him and who finally just decides to fade out of it, away from even the family he loves.

And of course, we assume the worst of him because, well we just watched him have a violent breakdown, right? So why wouldn’t he kill Odin, who said the most horrible thing to his son that I think I’ve ever heard a father say to a child in a work of fiction (tbh, it resonated with me because my father told me something similar, so I’m probably biased here)? Why wouldn’t he run Asgard into the ground out of spite or imbalance?

Then in Ragnarok, we find out that…he hasn’t. He’s just watching plays about himself, eating grapes, and being a hedonist. But meanwhile, he seems to be doing all right at his job. Asgard isn’t on fire and neither are any of the nine realms—well, except the one that’s always on fire ;p.

And yes, it’s funny! The Tragedy of Loki of Asgard is fucking hilarious! Loki’s little “oh shit” when Thor arrives put me on the floor laughing!

But comedy is just tragedy sped up, as a professor of mine once wisely said.

And the real tragedy of Loki here is that he has so much potential and is just…directionless. He sits around with his feet up watching what is essentially bad Asgardian daytime TV while comfort-eating. Which, you know, no depressed or traumatized person has ever done, like, ever. And when he lands on Sakaar, he gets to do what basically amounts to even more of it, with, possibly, wild sex with the Grandmaster on top of that.

And throughout all four movies, Thor is every NT/NOMI sibling who deeply loves their MI brother or sister, but who is at a loss of how to help them. We see him try pleading and reasoning. We see him try threats. We see him try bribery (help me avenge our mother). We see him try guilting and disappointment and even a brand of dark humor.

And then we see him figure it out.

He can’t strongarm Loki into making better, healthier choices, or coping better. He can’t sweet-talk or reason him into it, because mental illnesses don’t tend to respond in the long term to force, empty talk, or even reason.

So he does the one thing that I think works well—or at least, that is beginning to work for me.

Thor stages an intervention.

He tells Loki that he loves him, that he believes in him, that he thinks he can be more than he is and better than he is. That he has the power and the talent and the brains to do it, but that, in the end, the decision is his. Not Thor’s. Not Frigga’s. Not Odin’s . And if he can’t make those choices, Thor can’t be a part of his life anymore.

That’s why “You’ll always be the god of mischief, but you could be more” is the most meaningful movie quote for me of all time. People have been trying to do this for me for years, and I never really understood until that scene just what their efforts meant.

And for a minute, I worried that Taika wouldn’t get it either. But he did.

You see, Loki figures out that his brother is right. And he rises to be his better self. When he shows up in the ark, head held high, and walks through the crowd, he became the king he always wanted to be. When he used his helmet as a weapon to defend his people—and, in the credit animations kneeled while doing so—he became the king he could always have been. And when he stood at his brother’s side, he became so much more than many ever thought possible.

Look, I’m not trying to say that Loki is all sunshine and unicorn sparkles. He’s both an anti-hero and an anti-villain, and he’s probably going to spend the rest of his very long life struggling with, and at times falling prey to, the “grave imbalance” Thor referred to. Which is how a lot of MI people feel and experience life. For example, I see myself as both anti-hero and villain of my own story, not the hero, and often not even the protagonist. That is why I struggle to relate to 99.9999% of protagonists and frankly didn’t find any characters who I felt represented me until I was in my early thirties and saw Frozen.

So I’m not so much interested in “Loki the entertaining, day-drinking asshole” as I am in “Loki the survivor who can be, at times, both entertaining and an asshole (and a day-drinker).”

This is why he’s a valuable character for mentally ill people like me, and the hero—yes, hero—we deserve. Because few characters in mainstream media are allowed to be mentally ill and complex. We’re either portrayed as fragile little victims of our own brains, or violent evildoers who will probably try to kill the nice NT/NOMI protagonist and everyone they love. Or we’re just funny “Hollywood crazy” like Erik Selvig in Dark World (which wasn’t cringy as fuck at all backslash-sarcasm). Or just outright monsters like Hannibal Lechter. Or we’re the Good Kind of Mentally Ill that just sits there and looks Tragic and Pretty and doesn’t cause Problems. Or at least creates some nice art or books before we off ourselves.

We never get to be people. Messy, complicated, but not monstrous people, like NT/NOMIs do.

And Loki gets to be a complicated, messy, thoroughly mentally ill person who is struggling to figure out his place in the world after tremendous loss and a lifetime of feeling like he just doesn’t fit in anywhere.

This is why I’m incredibly, fiercely protective of him and his mentally ill fans. And why I can sometimes get annoyed with interpretations of him that, to me, don’t seem to understand how he’s anything but an entertaining jerk who sometimes does the right thing. Maybe. 

(Note: if you like this little ramble, I’m working on a much longer essay about him that will incorporate some of these thoughts. If you REALLY liked this, please consider buying me a ko-fi to help a disabled, queer writer create more in-depth pieces about media we know and love--or sometimes don’t.)