the-woke-mind-virus - Tumblr blog

[the-woke-mind-virus]

My bandmate and husband just had an INCREDIBLE idea for a creative prompt game

Grid of words

Arrange words

Join words together

[the-woke-mind-virus]

I watched Bridgerton and I liked it in exactly the same way I liked Twilight, but I realise what I actually want is to see the two things I expect Tumblr has for that fandom: memes and extremely R-rated fan art

[the-woke-mind-virus]

Co-signed

[the-woke-mind-virus]

I dreamed I was having loads of ideas for Tumblr posts and then making loads of Tumblr posts

[the-woke-mind-virus]

Imagine if your arms were like twice as long. Gee that'd sure be somethin

[the-woke-mind-virus]

Ugh that is such a sad story. So many friendships ruined over heteronorma-fucking-tivity

Sometime around eight or nine my best friend and I learned about hickies. I suspect he’s the one who learned it and shared it with me. We were both utterly fascinated and on a dare I sucked mightily on my own upper arm to give myself one.

This was great fun, self made bruise. Hilarious.

But looking at the mark later I thought that perhaps it might be best to bandage it lest any questions crop up. My parents were often suspicious of my friendship with the boy across the street anyway, and I had a vague inkling that perhaps hickies might fall under the vaguely looming topic of Sex.

So I put a bandaid on it.

I’m not sure if my mom was suspicious regardless but as I was getting out of the shower a day later she popped in and spotted my unbandaged mark. The handle was flown off. She was a creature made only of yelling. She demanded to know where it had come from.

I told her I’d done it myself. She scoffed and said I couldn’t even reach that place on my arm. I put my mouth over the mark. She escalated her volume to ask why I’d hidden it if it were nothing and I gestured vaguely to encompass her irate direction. She did not care for that or believe me, but the discussion was tabled.

Tension simmered in the house. A few days later it was a weekend and I asked if I could stay over at my friend’s house. To the bafflement of my friend and I our parents were increasingly hesitant to allow this childhood bonding. If he’d been a girl there would be no issue but he was a boy.

It didn’t seem to matter that we were both children and that my menstrual cycle would not arrive for several more years. Or that a boy was safer from me than many female friends would be on later sleepovers. The constant jokes we both loathed from both sets of parents that someday we’d get married now seemed ominous.

There were phone calls. The sleepover was reluctantly agreed to. I packed up my pillowcase with all the stuff I’d need for the night and headed toward the door. My father stopped me.

He insisted I sit down. I sat.

He stuttered, “Now. You’re like. Ah. A flower. And your friend is a- uh. A bee. And bees will sting you- uhm- if they can so you need to use- uh- protection- from stinging.”

I was nine. I had no fucking idea what was going on and my dad was not really helping. As he rambled I slowly started to intuit that this was about S-E-X and was very probably the result of my hickey but I had no idea how to make him stop talking.

I will never understand why it was my father giving this talk in the first place. My mother had previously worked in a sex shop and phrases like, “Make sure to use lube, you don’t wanna rub it raw down there,” were a common part of my youth. My father meanwhile turned red as a beet and stammered at any mention of Sex.

He finished his mortifying and confusing talk with, “Don’t tell your friend about this talk.”

The door closed to my friends room and I immediately told him about it.

We were both utterly horrified at the thought of each other as anything more than frenemies. We fought, we played games, we set off fireworks. Why did adults need to taint that?

But tainted it was.

Both sets of parents continued to radiate an unwholesome suspicion about our friendship now and we never brought up the topic of sleepovers ever again. It is a source of tremendous amusement that despite all their worry over our relationship my friend and I both turned out gay.

[the-woke-mind-virus]

A variation of food. A food variant

they're gonna violate food safety standards we've never even heard of

[the-woke-mind-virus]

You'll always be a demon monster girl to me

if i had one wish, my one wish, would be to be a demon monster girl

[the-woke-mind-virus]

This is fucked, there's gotta be more

I'll fix this dw

Yesterday I was talking vocabulary with my manager. We’re both word geeks so it was a fun conversation. He said, “Okay so only three words in the English language start with DW, can you name them all?”

“My brain is not very sharp today. Let’s see.” I let the loading screen play for a while in my brain before a word percolated. I was just seeing what would float to the top. I got wisps of hobbit holes and cozy blankets before I said, “Dwelling.”

“Yeah- dwell, dwelling.”

“Those are separate words.”

“No- just. For the purposes of this they’re not.”

I looked at him skeptically and kept the search function going in my head meat. Planets and galaxies formed slowly and vaguely. A forge popped up briefly. I waited patiently for that to coalesce into, “Dwarf.”

“One more.”

At this point my brain just started melting and I laughed uproariously.

“What?”

“My brain is soup today. I just thought ‘dwiminish’ which is fucking nonsense.”

His eyes widened as he laughed too, “Thats actually so close to the last one!”

“Are you for real?” I started scanning for words that could possibly be close to ‘dwiminish’ when I finally got, “Dwindle.” I laughed even harder. “Guess my soup brain kinda knew what was up.”

Current list of words he missed:

Dweeb

[the-woke-mind-virus]

When I joke that I'm going to put sardines in his sausage sandwiches and he jokingly says yes please

[the-woke-mind-virus]

short answer: yes. long answer: well youre not going to put toothpaste on your fucking fries are you…

[the-woke-mind-virus]

Crime

Song: The Saga of You, Confused Destroyer of Planets

272/348

272/4168

[the-woke-mind-virus]

This was so hard to choose cus I have a hundred thousand favourite creators and i love them all for their differences, but I went with the energy that CJ the X has cus I think they are actually my favourite

What kind of attitude/personality does your favorite video essay or commentary youtuber have? Or if you don't have a favorite, what attitude/personality tends to entice you?

Takes their work seriously, but is playful and charming

Is slightly goofy, lighthearted, and excited to share info

Acts like they are in pain and slowly going insane as the video goes on

Sarcastic, ironic and doesn't take their work too seriously

Straight to the point, no bits or long pauses for jokes, just here to share the info

Fun and approachable, feels like a friend sharing a story with you

Funny, silly, uses a lot of big expressions and slap stick type humor

Other

No "I don't have a preferred personality" ! Think of the youtubers you watch and think of which categories they fit into!

[the-woke-mind-virus]

yes. Anything

can i have anything

[the-woke-mind-virus]

@trochaic-mutant-ninja-tetrameter

Poem with a strong jaw! Get the pliers!

dude your poem fucking bit me

[the-woke-mind-virus]

Bloody chrizzos

did you know that Friday 13th was meant to be a really good lucky day meant for fucking because it was dedicated to Freyja, the goddess of love and fertility and the patron goddess of Fridays

but then Christianity found out about it and were like “Fucking???? outside of marriage????? NO NO NO!!!” and decided it was a horrible terrible bad unlucky day and you need to be super careful of everything you do in case you die or some shit.

so thanks Christians for ruining everyone’s fucking fun

[the-woke-mind-virus]

When I used to go to the gym I actually did get kinda muscly but I was always dissatisfied with how it looked. I think if I had covered myself in engine grease and soot I would have been happy actually

Private Vasquez in Aliens (1986) dir. James Cameron