#Health and well-being in self-employment

[mehmetyildizmelbourne-blog]

Self-Employment: What I Wish I Knew About the Risks, Benefits, & Essential Facts

Are you open-minded and can take calculated risks? I wrote this article to raise awareness because recently, I came across an interesting story on Medium.com. As the author my mentor and the person who invited me there as a writer, content curator, and editor, I read many of his insightful articles. This eye-opening and exceptional piece is titled I Wish I Had Gone Self-Employed 40 Years Ago…

[star-anise]

are we talking about broke therapists yet?

I've been out of things for a couple of years now, which is why I'm willing to talk about it, and maybe the pandemic has helped things a little, but holy shit the counselling and psychotherapy field is not equipped to help its practitioners in the gig economy.

Of all my interests and talents, I pursued a degree in psychology because being a therapist is supposed to be a safe, stable, well-paid job. Every therapist I met who was registered before 2008 worked and lived under that assumption. And oh boy are all the fee structures--registration, supervision, continuing education, conferences--set up for that scenario.

After getting my Master's, I struggled like hell to get a job. It was especially bad because to get my license, I needed a supervisor to take me on. To take me on, most supervisors wanted me to already have a caseload and client base. To get a caseload and client base, I needed a job.

Friends: Every single job I heard back on wanted me to have my license before I could even land an interview.

Professors and career advisors and professional development specialists all advised me very earnestly to just keep cold-calling people on the supervision list, and it began to feel a lot like my parents' friends telling me to hit the bricks and hand out resumes. That's what worked for them, right?

I finally got a supervisor who agreed to take me on, and I'd be able to use her clinic for advertising and workspace, and we were doing the paperwork to send in with my registration, when she called me up and said, "Is this job going to be your only source of income? If you're trying to depend on getting clients and building your practice for your basic needs, this is not going to work out. This has to be something you're doing on top of a basic salary. Okay, so you're not working anywhere else right now? I'm sorry, I can't move forward with this."

Even once I landed a supervisor and a job building my own private practice, I struggled. I have ADHD and am not great at self-promotion, so trying to do all my own advertising, scheduling, bookkeeping, billing, and records management (on top of counselling) was an enormous strain. One my bosses, supervisors, and other senior professionals watched with a slightly critical eye, but consoled me about because in their early days, their clinics had had business managers, receptionists, filing clerks, and accountants, and getting used to doing everything online yourself was a bit of a learning curve, wasn't it?

I counted my pennies very carefully, because I had to pay my supervisor roughly $180 for their services every 6 hours of in-person counselling I did. This meant that to break even I had to charge my clients an average of about $30 (plus room rental and service fees) an hour--and my clients, being people with complex trauma, were frequently poor, disabled, unemployed, and had no health benefits, so even $10 or $20 a session was a lot for them.

Maybe it would have been easier if I could have taken some of those nice comfortable organization positions where they find clients and funding for you and you work 40 hours a week and get benefits and a pension, but I had to be disabled into the bargain, so working 40 hours a week just isn't possible for me. I start passing out from stress and exhaustion. Older colleagues gave me serious-faced advice about approaching my employer and asking them for some flexibility and accommodation in my schedule, and I tried to explain across the gap between us that employers simply did not hire me if I made the slightest noise about the workload. They weren't going to invest in me as a person; they were hiring 40 units of work a week, and if I wouldn't do it there were a dozen applicants after me who would.

At one point I broke down enough to email my licensing body because the Annual General Meeting/Professional Development Conference was coming up, and I wanted to attend, but I could not produce $500 to do it with. Was there some kind of way I could attend anyway? I felt ashamed to have to ask, and then absolutely mortified when the response came from the organization president, who needed to personally sign off on me being too poor to attend the single most important event in my profession's calendar year.

I honestly felt so ashamed all the time at how I was apparently failing to be a successful therapist, failing to be rich and successful, and every time I mentioned it around mentors and bosses, I could feel myself shrinking from a person to a problem to be solved. My closest therapist-friends and I have reflected on how much more difficult, poorly-paid and underworked, our various career starts have been than we were ever warned about. About the classmates and coworkers who couldn't get disability exceptions when they fell behind in their registration requirements, or burned out and left the field, or dropped their registrations and took up as life coaches, or moved their whole family somewhere exceptionally remote or rural because it was the only good job available, or worked for some godforsaken app skirting the bounds of malpractice like BetterHelp.

I like those conversations, because I feel less like an absolute fuck-up in them. There's less "Hey Lis, you were so talented in grad school, I really admired you, what are you doing now?" "Oh, I, uh... am professionally disabled, so I get government benefits, and I... sell embroidery patterns on Etsy now."

My own therapist kept asking if and when I felt like going back to being a counsellor, and I finally told him: I don't, actually. I don't want to go back and do it like I was doing it before. It was a profession I loved to the depths of my soul, and it profoundly did not love me back. I can't even imagine what would have to change, in me or it, to make it have a space in it that could fit me.

All of which I was way too scared to admit to at the time, because the more I let people know I was struggling, the more they hinted that maybe I just wasn't in a place in my life where this was a job I could do, and I needed to take a little break and wait to come back until money and disability just weren't issues for me anymore.

Eventually my cups of doubt and exhaustion did overflow, and I quit. I'm here now, living a much different life. And at the very least, all my years of helping people in bad life situations set me up perfectly for my own. I already knew what form to fill out for financial assistance, which student clinics to access for mental health support, and which government agency would, if pressed, cough out pharmacy coverage for the genuinely destitute. It gave me that much.

I hope this is just me being in extraordinary circumstances, sitting at the intersections of a few different shitty life situations that most people skip right past. Because it's on one level comforting, but another deeply infuriating, if I'm not, and I've just missed it or we've just all been too afraid to admit it to each other.

[ur-mousey]

You Need Me ~

Yandere! Geto Suguru x F!Reader

Part One

summary After losing your job, you settle into a new living situation with Geto Suguru. 2.05k warning mature, smut, caregiver kink, manipulation, confrontation, comfort sex, dub-con, bondage. ..............................

Geto Suguru's kept your head up high through the whole ordeal. He's been at his most supportive now that you've lost your job. Gone were those turbulent days of worrying over the emotional distance. And in its place lay this new opportunity. You have known each other for six years and dated for four. The next step was within reach, happening now. The brimming excitement in your boyfriend was contagious. However, it failed at easing the nervousness throbbing in your lungs.

You sat perched on the kitchen's island. Suguru messaged the knots forming on your shoulders. Easing the stress that bites at every pore and beckons on a migraine. You wanted this done. Men intruded at each corner, carrying boxes in and leaving out with furniture marked unusable in Suguru's eyes. It never felt livelier in this familiar home. 

What was a den of musk and dark wood, a bachelor pad of Suguru's creation turned brighter. Gone were the smoky brown leather couch or the scents of cigarette buds that caused your nose to stuff. And, in its place, was a style akin to yours. For fuck sake, he'd taken things too far before. For example, a month into dating, you'd lightly twisted your ankle, and your boyfriend flipped. He took his work home and piled on with the college assignments you had at the time to nurse you to health. And when you worried about attendance, Suguru had that covered.

Without your knowledge, your new boyfriend emailed your professors using your school account to explain your lack of attendance. It was a ridiculously crafted lie. Reading about your supposed 'life-impending' aliment got a cackle out of you. But, it crossed the line. These people thought that death would befall them. And, what was even shitier, was the forged doctor's notice that raised no alarm.

That was the first instance that you felt fearful of him. Geto Suguru had been a hapless drunk when you picked him up those years ago. And similar to a stray cat, he popped his head around. Studied your stance. Warmed up to your words left like bread crumbs, coaxing his body closer until he sunk his claws deep into your heart. Burrowing himself in your heart's confines, where now your veins singed only his name.

This housing debacle threaded that same fine line. 

You demanded that nothing would change and that Suguru would have his current space as is, now, littered with your nicknacks about. You were the one moving, not him. Therefore, he shouldn't lose his safety or way of life because of you. Your partner said he didn't mind. He prioritized your comfort above all. It was a losing battle from the start that you relented countless times because you couldn't argue forever. And that was a part of what terrified you. 

Losing your job set off a chain of events. Your apartment's lease was on the precipice of ending, and renewal couldn't be obtained without a job. It's been a struggle to revisit your resume, to fix the formatting, and to send it to potential employers. It was to the dismay of Suguru that you sought other employment. He preferred you'd take this time to self-discover away from school and work.

However, you needed money more so than fulfillment. You applied to numerous listings. None had bothered to respond. The few locations that you called promised future correspondence after reviewing your qualifications. Those promises had lit a fire under your feet, created a skip in your steps, which extinguished just as quickly. They'd, as well, never got back to you.

The bite of being unwanted weighed like a cluster of pebbles tossed to skid, only to be drowned in shallow waters. 

What if it wasn't you? You superseded those job requirements, and it made little sense that zero out of the possible thirty employers didn't even offer an interview. 

You had a faint inkling in the creases of your mind. Buried under the weight of distractions. A dark thought that felt smoldering. You love Suguru. But this somehow felt like his fault.

>>>

"Duckling, what do you feel like eating?" Suguru called as he rounded the corner. Eyes on his phone, "Tonight's take-out." You sat on a plush armchair, legs spread over the side, pulling apart tangled string lights you yearned to string up. You pondered for a moment.

"Um… ramen?" You shrugged, consumed by the K-drama on screen.

The food didn't sound appealing. You felt slightly nausea throughout the day. Nervousness compiled with skepticism of the past few months. But, you tried to let the visuals of the drama swoop you elsewhere. It did little to switch off your warring mind.

The current scene is played as follows. The antagonist counted down from ten, awaiting the anesthesia to be administered. As she reached seven, the young doctor interrupted her. "Oh, did you know? If I don't get all the air out before injecting a shot, you could die."

The client's eyes widen in confusion. The world around her became a loopy mess of darkness, except for the source of her trauma. Suguru raised his brows, glancing at the TV and then back to you.

"You're doing too much at once." His words slipped in between the doctor's parting line to the woman. Everything was black, the credits rolling. Before the next episode could load, you exited the streaming service with a scoff.

"Two things are too much?" You watched Sugu stalking forward. You wiggled your toes at him, giggling as he took the bate and tickled it. You squirm in your spot, heat rushing to your face. Your boyfriend's grasp was unrelenting as he continued to exploit your ticklish weak spot.

"It's three when I talk to you," Suguru whined, plucking the fairy lights from your hands. He tossed them on the coffee table. "I demand your sole attention." He pocketed his phone behind him, and he slotted his hips in between your legs. His hand abandoned your feet, trailing the expanse of your shin.

"Sugu..." You started not sure how to word it. The thoughts that had plagued your mind came rushing back in its full glory. You loved him, and if your suspicious were true, you wouldn't know how to function. Suguru hummed in response. He noted the worry swimming behind your gaze. He leaned down, nuzzling your neck with his head. Kisses broke loose along your collarbone. You felt too heavy to continue. "I- um, couldn't help but wonder... did you cause the jobs- um."

Suguru's movement stilled. His weight pinned your knees in place. A hurried breath passed your lips, "I won't be mad if you did." The fact that it was true caused your stomach to roll.

Whatever contents made its home in your belly earlier that day threatened to expel. You felt sick.

"So what if you won't." Suguru glowered at your frame as he reached his full height over you. Your pussy wept to be touched. Your lover looked as if he would ravish you in that moment. You rubbed curious circles on his knuckles as he lifted your lower half. You sucked in your lower lip, teeth pressing into the semi-raw flesh. Unsteadily, a tear slipped past your burning eyes. You uncomfortably arched your back to accommodate Suguru's silent demand. His hardened erection pressed tight strokes against your clit. "I got you fired. And I will not allow you to get another job."

You are startled by his cold admission. You gave a brief nod, choking out the next set of words. "You… can't just- Sugu, why?"

Suguru sighed, "Cause I love you. You're my stupid and naive little duckling. It's okay. I got you. I'll protect you from the monkeys."

"Monkeys?" You yelped.

"Don't worry about it. Isn't it more important that I got you." Suguru shimmed your shorts off and tossed it aside to the wastelands. You buried your face into the cushion, embarrassed that your concerns built into craving an orgasm. "Say it. Duckling, I got you."

Suguru's thumb applied pressure to your clit. He set a firm pace that anchored your senses to be swiftly compelled by him. He knew your body. You weren't ever going to find this pleasure in another. Suguru crouched on his knees. Your pussy naked and in his face. You heard the zipper of his pants break loose. The smack of his beautiful cock on his thigh elicited a whine from you. "You got me."

His lips smashed against your lower lips. His tongue lulled into your pulsing entrance. Suguru breathed over your clit, ragged and dense with unconcealed lust. His droll and your juices connected you two.

The sight made you blurt. "I love you." The waterworks flooded over you. You gargled moans between sobs. Suguru never once relented his assault on your vagina as you spoke. "I don't wanna think. I need you. Fuck me, Baby~."

"Good fucking girl." Suguru nipped at your folds. "I'll take all the bad thoughts away. I know whats best for you."

Suguru made quick work of his clothes and the remainder of yours. His cock held your attention as he cleaned away the coffee table. A bulbous head, red and shinny of pre-cum, made your mind fog. His length wasn't something to laugh at. It terrified you every time he'd whipped the thing out. He rarely shoved its full length inside of you.

Your head perked up as your boyfriend gestured you over. "This'll be more comfortable for y'a. Lay back." You did as told, acceding to his demands. Your back met the cold wood of the table. He made quick work untangling the string lights. Fuck You. You spent forty minutes on that crap when Suguru fixed it in less than two minutes. "I'm tying you down. Better be careful, or you'll break them," He grinned.

Using the middle of the fairy lights, he bound your wrists in place. He looped it around, tugged to check the sturdiness. Suguru folded your elbows up, your hands set firm on your chest and where your fingers could graze your chin if you ducked. Your boyfriend wrapped the two ends around your neck before securing them below the coffee table.

Suguru regarded his work. He tweaked at your nipples. He straddled your stomach, pumping his dick on top of your pillowy skin. "My- my, you've been so fucking good for me. Fuck, Duckling." He whined into your breast, taking turns with sucking each. You squirmed. Your feet slipping off the edge as you tried to find purchase.

Your hips bucked more intensely. The slopping sounds of your pussy caused your face to heat up. "Sugu~ stop teasing"

"Please, fuck me with your cock. I need it," You stuttered between the racing of your heart. Your tummy hurt so badly. You scratched at your neck, hissing at how deep you were going.

"Since the princess asked nicely."

Without warning, Suguru plunged headfirst into your cervix. He held you still, watching you squirm on his cock. "There's some rules from now on. You don't need anything that I can't provide. Repeat it."

You hiccuped, "I- uh… don't need an-anything that you can't provide." You attempted to twist your hips to ride Suguru's stationary body. He hummed at your words, releasing an attack on your clit. Short bursts of slaps had you seeing stars. You couldn't handle being at the height of an orgasm for much longer.

"Tell me you won't fight me. You can't say no to me. When I buy you something, you accept. If I dress you, bathe you, do all the shit that you could do yourself, guess what you do. Accept it."

"I won't fight. I'll accept everything you give or do to me." You whined. Borderline screamed at the top of your lungs. And with that, Suguru guided your hips back and forth.

.............................. Requests are opened and encouraged. Here's the official JJK master list that you can check out here. 🥰 @appleblueberry-pie, thank you for your continuous support and suggesting this lovely prompt.

@oromaangel and @sweetthingssourpeople. I hope that you two enjoy the continuation of this story! Thank you for your engagement on part one.

>>> NEXT JJK POST: Fushiguro Toji x Stripper! M!Reader!

Off topic, there is this stray cat outside my mom's house and she was so nice to me that I wanted to take her home but I couldn't because I live with a bunch of cat haters. 😭 Follow my instas if you want = Squeak.ink (art account) or lil.thoughts.xo (personal)

[nevadas-night-time-novelist]

Auditor, Phobos, 2BDamned and Sanford with a reader that overworks themselves. Prioritizing work over mental and physical health, pushing themselves to their breaking point, skipping meals and only getting a few hours of sleep. I just need these four in particular to tell me to take care of myself and care about me argggh

Overworked reader

Audi, Phobos, Doc, Sanford

CW: bit of a mental spiral on San's end, ends well tho.

Burnouts a bitch man, don't wear yourself thin over shit, y'hear?

Auditor

"Are the chef's meals not to your liking?" You nearly jumped out of your seat when Auditor's ghostly whisper filled your ear. Casting your aching, tired eyes from your paperwork at the once hot meal, still arranged with care on the plate, completely untouched from the moment it left the kitchen.

"Oh, no. Of course not. They're good, don't worry." You offered him a weak smile. "I'll have it later, I just need to finish this up." Audi's eyes narrowed as you gestured meekly to your desk, piled high with reports, cloning records, casualty tallies, and other such boring admin work.

"It's cold." He grumbled, spinning your chair to face him, hands on his hips. "You're going to really hurt yourself and burn out if you keep pulling these awkward hours. Don't think I haven't noticed you slipping from our bed to come back to this. Did you forget how light a sleeper I am?"

Audi's stern demeanour dropped as your features fell, already feeling low because of how your body was struggling, now having your boss/lover add to that. "I just need to be able to keep up with you. What use am I really if I can't handle a fraction of the work you do?"

His hand rested under your chin, thumb delicately stroking your cheek. "You could never keep up with me, my flame, I was made to handle this. You're just a delicate mortal, you do more than enough without stressing yourself trying to level with me. Allow me to finish this later, mea vita, you are going to get a hot, fresh meal while I draw a bath for us, and after you will get the rest your body needs. That's an order, from your employer, understood?"

"Yes, but-"

He cut you off. "No 'ifs, ands, or buts,' You are going to hurt yourself, and I refuse to allow anyone to hurt you, even self inflicted pain. I, as your partner and boss, will clear this burden for you. When I asked for your best, I meant the best you can consistently handle, not this. You're not yourself, and I command you seek out that old self that I fell for and bring them back to me instantly."

Phobos

Being the director's lover had essentially no downsides, nobody spoke a bad word around you, people helped you far more than before, not to mention the adoration of the most powerful figure in the physical realm. However, that same man would often breathe down your neck, commanding you to stay by his side constantly.

Phobos relished in you, watching you, listening to you, being around you. He wished to be adored equally in return, however your work proved to be a distraction from him. He was... a tad obsessive, but how could he not be? He's a god, it was only right you'd devote yourself to him and him alone.

"Leave that alone will you? Your god requires your attention." A large clawed hand rested on your shoulder, the other pulling down his bandages from his mouth. "Your recent neglect of me is not going unnoticed, dear."

You rubbed your aching eyes, staring at a computer screen all day and most of the night irritated them. "I'm sorry Bo, but there's a lot of work that needs reviewing, I've got weeks of backlog to go through, and Christoff, Crackpot and Gonne have all submitted new reports today with pages and pages of intel to go through."

His hands wrapped around your middle, he lifted you up and took your place on the chair, resting you in his far more comfortable lap. "Bah, they're not worthy of your time. I'll command someone else to do it, the short fat one, whatever his name is. He enjoys paperwork and the like."

"Hofnarr is no doubt as swamped as I am." He took your face in one of his hands, his cracked and damaged lips pressing against your cheek.

"Someone else then, if it pleases you. Whatever it takes for you to spend time with me." You leaned into him, your back pressing against his chest, and he emitted a deep purr. "I am a god amongst men, dear, I don't beg for what I desire. I take it. And yet I allow you this honour. So please..."

Your stomach rumbled against his hand. "Harumph! Neglecting yourself as much as you've neglected me?! How dare you, enough is enough. I command you take care of yourself!" Phobos picked you up with ease, holding you level to his eye. To anyone else, he'd be holding them by their collar, or neck to meet his gaze, but with you, he was softer. A hand under your rump and the other on your back, supporting your weight comfortably.

"You are the lover of a god, think how pitiful it would look if I can't even take care of my equal? You stand above others, the right hand of my throne. Your duties have changed, lesser beings will take charge of them. Your only priorities are yourself and me, and the family we will create." Phobos snapped his fingers, and one of the guards at the door came forward.

"See to it that the chefs prepare your God's favourites, find someone to take their duties on and allow them to be truly indulged as they should be." Phobos looked back to you, his eye narrowing. "I will tear this world asunder for you, and build it up as you desire. I will give you anything your heart pines for, never again shall you be run ragged like this."

Phobos was self assured, a god of the highest order, surrounded by weaker, lesser beings. And yet here he was, begging at your altar. He wished you'd devote yourself equally to worshipping you as he did, and he would make damn sure that happened.

2BDamned

3 AM. Doc was in the kitchen, boiling some water over the stove. Hank has smashed the coffee maker earlier in the day, said he'd accidentally dropped the thing, yet couldn't explain the crowbar in his hands. Doc gritted his teeth, damn Wimbleton, making his hard job harder with their stupid thoughtless actions.

He had no doubt the fool had burned themselves on the machine and gone overboard against the poor helpless thing in revenge. Now here he stood, using the stove to make both his coffee and his snack. Instant noodles, his saving grace in the world. Easy to prepare, quick to eat, and filling.

With bleary, tired eyes, you wandered into the dim kitchen, hearing Doc grumbling to himself about 'Getting that moron to find another working machine or he'll have his spine inserted upside down next time.'

"Hey sweetheart." Yawning and setting your tablet down, you wrapped your arms around his midriff and leaned your face into his back. One hand pulled way from the stove, running down your arm before resting atop your hand, feeling the ring around your finger.

"You should be asleep, love." Doc murmured, his animosity towards Hank gone in the wind. You inhaled deeply, basking in his familiar scent.

"I could say the same to you, Kyle." He let out a soft 'Hm.', agreeing without agreeing. You were right, of course. "Debugging with Dei was going well, till he nodded off. San came by on one of his usual bathroom breaks and picked him up."

Doc poured the water into his noodle cup. "You want some coffee?" He took your favourite mug out of the cupboard.

"I thought you wanted me to sleep." You teased tiredly.

"You're my spouse. I know you well enough to know that's not gonna happen anytime soon, even if I would like it if you did." He tossed some powdered milk into the cups along with the beans. "We don't have any sugar left I'm afraid, or sweetener. It's become so scarce these days. Ration packages can't even supply a tiny packet anymore."

"I can get sugar anytime I've got you around." Doc smiled and turned off the hob, turning around to pull you into his arms. "Can I get some now?"

As far as you two were concerned, nothing else existed, everything except what was in both your arms was null and void. He tilted his head down slightly, lips catching yours softly. Butterflies fluttered in your tummy, they flared up every time your husband kissed you.

You rested your head on his chest, it was rare you two had a truly private moment together, as much as you both tried. Being enemies of the state was hard work, who'd have thought?

"You should really lay down dear." Your eyes fluttered open, and you looked up to him. You hadn't even realised you'd started dozing off in his arms.

"No, I've got work to do." You yawned, and Doc chuckled softly.

"You're really stubborn sometimes, you know that?" He picked up both coffees and his noodles. "Tell you what, grab your tablet and we can get cosy in bed together. Work can wait until later, I think we've overdue some private couple time."

Nestled in the crook of Doc's arm felt like the safest place in the world, even with coffee in your system, you couldn't help but fall asleep with him. Trust and love deep rooted, he was your sanctuary.

And damn it, he was going to get you into a healthier sleep routine.

Sanford

It'd been a couple weeks since you'd seen Ford, Doc had sent him off on recon work with Deimos and a splinter group from a faction allied with the SQ, they'd been on the other side of Nevada having heard whispering of something dangerous settling out there.

Two weeks of silence left you anxious, pacing around often, skipping meals and staying up into the early hours of the morning. Longing makes the heart sick, and a sick heart makes the body weak.

The only think you could do to keep your mind occupied was cleaning out the gun stash, checking over the stocked rounds repeatedly, despite the numbers never changing, cleaning already dirt and grime free steel.

A scrubbing brush in hand, you scraped at one of the many swords Hank had salvaged, violently jolting the bristles back and forth over either rust, or really crusted on blood just above the hilt.

Doc usually kept you in the loop of long jobs, sometimes you'd even be in walkie talkie range of your partner and could hear his voice. He could be hurt, he could be dead, you'd be none the wiser, and that was maddening.

Of course you weren't needy and dependant on him, that'd be too much, but just a sign he was okay would've been enough to give you peace of mind. It's the not knowing that drove you to dark places.

Bang!

You jumped in your seat as the front door slammed. "Baby, you here? I'm back." Dropping the blade, you got to you feet and rushed to the door.

"Sanford, you're okay?!" You leaped into his arms, and he caught you easily. Oh sweet security, your world had come home to you safely.

"Yeah babe," San leaned back slightly to get a good look at you, his loving gaze turning to concern. "uh, hope you don't mind me sayin' doll/stud, but you look like hell." His hands brushed over your hair. "...When did you last shower?"

Suddenly you felt rather embarrassed, it'd been a.... couple days at least. Probably about a week since you'd stopped properly taking care of yourself. Swapping meals out for multiple junk snacks, a fucked up sleeping schedule consisting of occasional naps but mostly anxious pacing and activity.

"Uhm..." That was an answer enough for him.

"Baby," Sanford rubbed his cheek, clearing off some dust from his face. "you need to take care of yourself." He sighed and took off his sunglasses. "Have you even been eating properly?"

You didn't meet his gaze. "Okay. Tell you what," He took off his dirty tank top and tossed it aside. "I'll pull out something from the freezer, shove it in the oven while we get a nice shower, and then we can eat and get some rest." Just being near him, hearing his melodic voice again was enough to bring you to a sense of normalcy.

Sanford was fine, he was alive, he was here.

"Things have just been a bit... off without you." You sighed, clinging to his frame, almost afraid if you let him go, he'd run off for another two weeks, or longer. "Sorry, it's just been a lot to deal with, not knowing where you were, if you were safe... It's been hard."

"I get it. I do, I really do," Sanford had his own experiences with deep depression, despite being the large stoic type, the horrors of war, what he and his friends had to do to get an advantage against everything haunted him. "fight, flight, freeze is a real thing, but you can't just shut down baby. You gotta keep fightin, keep yourself in good shape 'cause it's a scary world out there."

"I know. It's easier said than done though." Sanford pulled out a tray of his legendary frozen mac n cheese, you hadn't checked the freezer since he'd left, otherwise that would've been long gone. You didn't know how he did it, but it was godly each time he made it.

"I get that." He shoved the tray into the oven, flicking switches to heat up the frozen dish. "You gotta change how you think, baby." You watched him take off his bandanna, revealing his hair. Or lack thereof.

"You shaved your head?" Usually he'd grow out his hair, style it into long locs and keep them tied back and under his bandanna, but once in a blue moon he'd get bored of maintaining them, and shave it off to start again.

Sanford ran a hand over his scalp, feeling the small curls starting to reappear. "Yeah, easier than trying to keep it clean out there. Dusty as hell." His hands came to rest on your shoulders, turning you to the bathroom. "No bother, I've got your hair to care for now. I'mma spoil you rotten."

Years of caring for his baby siblings had taught the beefcake that just telling someone what to do usually didn't help, but doing it along side them helped solidify the action. He'd help you get cleaned up, get back to eating proper food and getting proper sleep.

He needed to fall into the routine too, sleeping rough in trucks was a pain in his back, and access to his comfy old bed would do him wonders to getting decent sleep again. A full belly and his favourite person in the entire world cuddling into his pecs definitely helped too.

Yes, he needed this just as much as you did.

[sopebubbles]

Master List

Twelve

Synopsis: in a world where alphas, betas, and omegas live along side modern humans as second class citizens, you've fallen through the cracks of a society that wants to take everything wonderful from you. Luckily a timely encounter with the boys just might save your life.

Chapter summary: Yoongi takes you on a date

Warnings: slight angst (mostly talking about her past), mentions of past abuse, homelessness, fear of abandonment

Honestly yall its a lot of yoongi and oc being freakin soft 😩

Yoongi was only slightly disappointed to find you awake and making breakfast with Hobi in the kitchen when he came in after eight in the morning. He'd kind of been hoping to be able to take a peek at you in your nest, just to see for himself that you were as safe and cozy as his other omega had promised (many times) that you were last night. Although he hadn't been gripped by the same agonizing fear he had known for the month you were gone, he still hated being away from you so long last night, and he'd texted both Jimin and Hoseok multiple times last to assuage his anxiety (and his guilt). They'd promised him that you had nested just fine, had eaten well and seemed perfectly happy with Jimin's company before peacefully going to sleep. It was cute just how much he worried about the details. 

"Yoongi!" You said his name brightly when you saw him and rushed over to give him a hug. You were too energized from a good night's sleep and the cup of fresh squeezed orange juice Taehyung gave you to be self conscious about it. You didn't seem to notice the flour on your cheek until Yoongi brushed it off with a smile. "Oh sorry. I'm probably getting you dirty," you said as you tried to pull away. He held you close. 

"I don't mind. Good morning," he hummed as he rubbed his chin over the top of your head. 

"M-morning." Yoongi's arms tightening around you turned to jelly when you'd been solid only moments ago. 

How can he be so warm? He must be tired and hungry.

"Can I get you some pancakes?" You offered, and he finally loosened his hold.

"Only if you eat some with me. Have you eaten yet?" 

You shook your head. "But I need to help Hobi."

The omega waved a hand at you without looking back. "I can handle it. If your alpha says eat, then it's time to eat. Which you know. She kept saying she didn't want to eat until you got here," he added just to make you squirm. A small whine escaped your throat, drawing the attention of all the men, whether they intended to look your way or not. "Careful, girl. Your whines have power here," Hobi smirked as he set two plates in front of you and Yoongi on the counter. 

You sat down and ate quietly for a few minutes while Yoongi tried and failed to pretend he was paying more attention to the food than to you. Jin and Jungkook were laying on the couch, nearly falling back asleep after stuffing themselves before anyone else got up. Jimin had gotten up to take your place helping Hobi while Taehyung and Namjoon sat at the table sharing the newspaper. 

"What do you want to do today?" Yoongi asked after several minutes. 

You swallowed and cleared your throat. "I have to work later."

Yoongi's fork froze halfway to his mouth. "What? why?"

You shrugged. "I work Saturdays."

"You work six hours a day, six days a week?" You nodded. "That's too much."

"I-I thought you d-didn't mind me working…"

Screwed it up already. Now you'll see how he really feels. The pancakes in your stomach turned to lead. 

Yoongi could see you getting nervous, watched you grow even smaller. "No. No, I don't," he managed, forcing his voice to be calm. "I don't mind you working if it's what you want.  But that's a lot. Thirty-six hours is almost full time but no benefits. That just seems…sketchy."

You tilted your head at him. "What do you mean?"

"Just that it seems like your employer is taking advantage of you. Do you get any benefits?"

"Well, I get heat leave."

"But what about health insurance? Vacation? Extended sick leave? What if you get pregnant?" Yoongi could feel all the air leave the room and wished he could take the words back.

You shook you head and spoke softly, "Yoongi, I'm not–"

"I know. I didn't mean that. I'm an idiot. I swear I didn't mean it like that. I'm just saying, those are things you'd expect in a full-time job."

You shrugged. "It's not like I have a lot of options, Yoongi."

"I know," he sighed. "I just want you to be treated fairly."

You stood from your stool and walked toward the stairs. "People like me don't get treated fairly."

Yoongi got up and followed you, catching your arm as gently as he could. "I'm sorry. For what I said and how I said it. I know that you've been doing the best you could, and I have no right to judge that. Everything is okay." His hand laid hot against your neck, thumb stroking just the bottom edge of your scent gland. When he felt your shoulders relax, so did his. "Come finish your breakfast, and when you're ready I'll take you to work."

You turned worried eyes up at him. "You worked so hard, alpha. You must be tired. I'll finish, but then you need to go to sleep. Jimin and Tae will take me."

The corners of Yoongi's mouth turned up in a placating smile. "Okay."

He watched you walk back to your seat at the counter and pick up your fork, ignoring the eyes of the others as he joined you. He wanted to talk it through with you more, but he wasn't going to make you do it in front of everyone, and he didn't want to get into an argument before you went to work all day. Instead, he asked you how your night was and what you did the day before, and you plastered on a smile that slowly became more natural while you told him all about nesting and your newfound love of pillows.

When you'd both finished eating, you took your plates and washed them along with the others, no matter what Hobi said. You couldn't sit down and relax now. Doing so would only create nervous energy you wouldn't be able to dispel. You'd have to spend the rest of your day in motion. Yoongi followed you again when you went up the stairs to change for work, and you'd be lying if you said it wasn't a little annoying.

At the top of the stairs you turned to look at him. "Are you going to follow me around all day?" You snapped. 

Yoongi took a step back. He honestly didn't even realize how close he was. "I'm sorry. I wasn't intending to." He rubbed a hand over his eyes and you could see how tired he was. 

You crossed your arms over your chest. "What are you doing?"

He sighed. "I was going to sleep like you'd suggested. I think I was following you because…"

He wants to sleep in my nest. 

The realization dawned on both of you. "It's not time yet," you said softly, but eased your defensive stance. 

Yoongi met your eyes with equal tenderness and smiled a little. "Yet?"

"Yet," you confirmed.

Somehow the idea that there was a future nest he would be invited into was enough for him. "That's alright."

You turned on your heel to walk to your room, but he called you back. "Would you like to go on a date with me tonight?"

"A date?"

"Yeah. If you don't have any plans."

You raised an eyebrow at him. "Why?"

He chuckled. "Well, I told you we could date as part of our courtship, and I would like to get to know you better."

"But…" you looked at him with an expression of such utter confusion that he wished he had a camera to document it. 

"But what?"

"I just…I don't want you to force yourself to take me on a date if you aren't attracted to me."

It was Yoongi's turn to be utterly lost. "Whatever gave you the idea that I'm not attracted to you? I'm your alpha."

"Yeah, I know, but I feel like you're just doing this, taking me in because you want to protect me, because I'm so helpless and pathetic. And you were so cool about not breeding me. Plus you have all the guys, and so I just guessed you weren't thinking of me that way." You wilted under Yoongi's amused gaze. 

He snorted. "Princess, I do want to protect you because you are incredibly vulnerable, but that doesn't change my attraction to you one bit. And there's a whole world of intimacy between protecting you and breeding you. It's vast and we should go slow, but a date is a good start. That is, unless you aren't attracted to me."

Blood rushed to your face as you felt put on the spot. What kind of omega wouldn't be attracted to the alpha he was? What person wouldn't fall for his gentle, caring demeanor? But you couldn't possibly admit to it.

Yoongi stepped closer to mark the top of your head with his scent. The embrace only lasted a few seconds before he pulled away, but it still left you weak in the knees.

"I don't have anything to wear."

Yoongi shrugged. "It will be very casual. No one will see you but me. You can wear pajamas for all I care. Bonus points if you wear one of my hoodies."

You smiled at that thought. "Okay then."

"Good. Then I'll see you tonight," he told you before he turned and went into the pack bedroom to sleep. 

Yoongi was pleasantly surprised to find an apple-scented pillow in his usual spot and let himself enjoy it for a few minutes before his memory from last night came back to him. 

He had brought a patient to the emergency room of the hospital he had brought your ex-alpha to a few nights ago. After they filled out some paperwork, Yoongi and his partner took a break. His motivation was unclear, even at the time, but he found out what room the alpha was staying in from a nurse that liked to talk to him whenever she got the chance. She told him that he was still in the ICU, but that he was in a coma, and hadn't woken up since the night he was brought in. When he found the room, there was a woman inside. A tall redhead, an alpha as well, if Yoongi wasn't mistaken, so he steered clear, but it had stuck with him the rest of the night.

When he heard you, Jimin and Taehyung leave the house, Yoongi got out of bed and went to the living room where Jin and Jungkook were still on the couch.

"Is everything okay, Yoongi?" Jin asked when the alpha only stood over them without saying a word. 

"I need to ask you some questions. Legal questions," he clarified and sat on the coffee table opposite them. 

"What's on your mind, hyung?" Jungkook sat up to give him his full attention. 

"I found out last night that her ex-alpha–"

"His name is Sebastián," Jungkook added. 

Yoongi growled. "He's in a coma. And I just need to know what's going to happen to her if he never wakes up. And I guess, what happens if he does?"

Jin sat up and shared a look with Jungkook before he spoke. "If he doesn't wake up, there would most likely be a grand jury investigation, which would determine who, if anyone, was responsible for his death."

"In that case, the blame would likely fall on the driver, since she has already been charged with drunk driving. It would be manslaughter," Jungkook added. 

"But she said she pushed him, in her statement. That won't matter?"

Jin shook his head doubtfully. "She could get charged, but in my experience, if you put that girl in front of any judge or jury, there's no way they wouldn't chalk it up to self defense. If he does survive, it wouldn't even make sense to press charges for assault. He wouldn't look very sympathetic. But whether or not she's charged criminally, if he dies, his family could bring a wrongful death suit to civil court. But again, it will be hard to make her look like a perpetrator, especially since they're both Lykos."

"You seem confident that she'll be okay?"

"I am," Jin assured him. 

"But what if she had a motive?" Yoongi worried. 

"You mean because they knew each other?" Yoongi nodded. Jin thought it over, rubbing his finger along his lower lip. "The prosecution would have to prove she meant to push him into traffic and not just to get him off of her. In that case, she'd just need to be coached not to take the bait."

"Could you do it? Would you take the case? If it came to that, I mean." Yoongi didn't know any other lawyers, and he certainly didn't know any he thought he could trust with something like this more than Jin. 

He must have been able to read that emotion in Yoongi's eyes because Jin nodded. He wouldn't take that trust for granted again. "If she needs me to, of course, Yoongi. I'll do anything for you."

You were surprised when Yoongi said he was taking you to a drive in theater. You'd hardly been to any movie theaters at all in your life, and never a drive-in, but you liked the idea of it. There were lots of benefits to it. You got to go out to a public place, but sitting in his car was relatively private. The movie removed the pressure to make conversation, but on the other hand, if the movie wasn't very interesting, you could talk through it without disturbing anyone else. It was really a perfect idea for a first date. 

He'd urged you to take a nap when you got home since the movie wouldn't start until later, and you were glad you'd taken his advice. You didn't have much to choose from when it came to clothing options, so you simply put on a clean pair of jeans and the mustard yellow hoodie he had loaned you a few days ago. Yoongi seemed pleased enough with your ensemble, repeating his compliment of how nice you looked in that color. He wasn't dressed up at all either, wearing a pair of ordinary jeans and a baggy long sleeve shirt. You wouldn't know it because he wouldn't say such a thing, but there wasn't anything you could wear that would look more appealing to him than his own clothes, because they made you look like you were his. He beamed at you when you came down the stairs to leave with him. 

"Do I look okay?" You whispered to Hoseok. 

He pinched your cheek. "You look adorable. He loves it. Believe me." He winked at Yoongi over your head and the alpha held out his hand to take you to the car. "Don't come home too early," he instructed as you went out the door together. 

Once you got settled in the front seat, Yoongi cleared his throat before he started the engine. "This is for you," he said as he handed you a brand new Samsung phone.

"Oh, I–"

"Before you say you don't need it, just consider that it's for me. I want you to make sure that you have it with you and it's on all the time. I told you that it's important for me to know where you are, so I can keep you safe, so you need a phone. And don't worry, it's not like the newest model or anything. Besides, remember you're agreed to let me provide for you. So just accept it. It has all of the pack's numbers saved already, in case you ever need one of them, and they all have your number already. I'm your emergency contact," he rambled.

Instead of offering any protest you smiled softly and unbuckled your seat belt to lean over and kiss him on the cheek. "Thank you, alpha," you said before you leaned back into your spot. You may have wanted to refuse, but he was right, it was for him and not you, not really. If he needed you to carry this thing around in order to feel more secure, that shouldn't be hard for you. 

You weren't prepared for more gifts when you got to the drive-in. When you found a spot to park, Yoongi told you to wait while he got out of the car and went to the trunk. You looked anxiously through the back window, but couldn't see anything that gave away what he was doing. Eventually he pushed a large gift bag and picnic basket through his open car door before he joined you again. 

"What's all this?" You wondered, looking at the tissue paper sticking out of the huge bag at your eye level.

"Why don't you open it and see?" He teased. 

You narrowed your eyes at him as you got up on your knees to be able to look over the bag, but your scrutiny only made him smile. Pulling out the paper piece by piece revealed two soft round pillows inside, one lavender and one orange.

"I figured you needed some pillows for your nest. I thought these could remind you of me and Jiminie."

Your cheeks and your eyes burned as you pulled out the two pillows, almost ball-like except for how plush they were. They squeezed nicely in your arms when you held them to your chest.

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Yoongi asked, beginning to feel nervous when you didn't say anything. 

You buried your head in them to hide your wet eyes. "They're perfect." Your words were muffled, but they still warmed Yoongi's heart. When you collected yourself, you placed the pillows safely back in the bag and set it aside. "What's in the basket?"

"Oh, I asked Hobi to put together some snacks for us. But if there are any other treats you want, I'll go get something from the concession stand." Yoongi opened the top of the basket and you both reached for the box of raisinets at the same time. You whispered an apology while Yoongi plucked them out. He opened the box and handed it to you. "I'm going to go get some popcorn. Do you have a drink preference?"��

You shook your head and he got out once again to go get more snacks. You shoved a few raisinets into your mouth and put the rest away. Then you pulled out the soft orange pillow from the gift bag at your feet and held it close again. You wondered if he'd already scented it, or if it was your imagination that applied the orange aroma. 

The longer he was gone, your mind began to wander. It was hard not to think about all the first things you were experiencing lately. Your very first completely safe, self- made nest, your first drive-in movie, your first date. It had felt like you'd been living for years, in the most raw way possible, but maybe all you'd done was survive, and only barely. These new things seemed so small and insignificant to you when they were only abstract ideas, things you would live without because you didn't need them to survive, but now they felt monumentally important as each one carved a memory in your heart. And each one was available to you only because of Yoongi.

The man at the center of your thoughts broke through them when he returned several minutes later carrying a large bucket of popcorn, which he handed to you, and a large coke that he balanced on the dashboard. 

"Is everything okay?" He asked, taking in your expression, which remained pensive as he settled into his seat. 

You forced a smile, not because you weren't feeling it, but because it wasn't a thing you were accustomed to showing. "I'm fine. I…" you searched for something to say that would take you away from your thoughts. "I didn't even ask what we were seeing."

Yoongi chuckled at himself. "Oh. Yeah. It's actually a horror movie. I was actually hoping we could see the comedy that's playing on the other screen, but it was sold out, so this one was left. But if you don't like horror movies, I was thinking we could just sit and talk. Or we could leave. Or if we're really bored we could turn on the radio station for the comedy and watch it with the horror scenes."

You laughed at his ridiculous idea, but thought it actually sounded kind of fun. "Well, I do like horror movies, but option three also sounds interesting," you admitted with a smile that almost stopped his heart. 

Yoongi cleared his throat as he looked out the window. "There's still like twenty or thirty minutes before the sun sets and the movie starts. Maybe we can still talk?" 

You began to get the feeling that this was what he actually wanted to begin with. He had said he wanted to get to know you, and you supposed he had a right to know the person he was taking in, but at the same time you didn't want to overwhelm him with all of your baggage, at least not in one night. 

"What do you want to talk about?" You hedged, shoving a kernel of popcorn past your lips. 

"Well, I just really want to know more about you, but I don't want to be unfair, so you can ask me anything you want to," he offered, turning in his seat to look at you. 

"I don't know what I could tell you that Jungkook hasn't already. I mean, he must have run a background check on me, right? And he would have told you before he let you take me home?"

Yoongi shook his head. "Jungkook hasn't really said much, actually. I mean, yeah, we do know about, um, where you were before you came to the city," he said diplomatically. 

"You mean jail?" You asked provocatively. "You can say it. Unless it makes you uncomfortable, which I understand." You knew you shouldn't be getting your hackles up with him. He approached the subject gently and here you were, striking back with your claws out like the alley cat that you were. You closed your eyes to try to calm your racing heart.

He placed a hand on your shoulder. "Y/N, it's okay. I'm not judging you. No one in the pack is, either. You're not the only person to get arrested, you know."

You opened your eyes and looked at him incredulously. "Have you been arrested?"

Yoongi nodded his head. "When I was sixteen. A friend and I stole his uncle's car and went for a joy ride. I was just a passenger, and I hadn't presented yet. They dropped the charges."

"Wow, grand theft auto," you chuckled and he did too.

"My point is, we all have a past. I mean, some of us more than others, but you're not the only one."

You eyed him uncertainly. "Did he tell you what I was arrested for? I wasn't just arrested Yoongi. I spent six months in county."

Yoongi nodded. "I know, but I'm not judging you for what you had to do."

You shook your head with a wry laugh. "That's the thing. I didn't do it. I mean yeah, she made me go out there, but I promise you I didn't sell my body. Honest. That was my first night. I may have been naive, but I'm not an idiot. The first guy I talked to was a cop, and I knew it. I could spot him easy, so I offered myself up and I let him arrest me. And when they charged me, I pleaded guilty. Do you know why?" Yoongi shook his head, dark eyes locked on yours. "Because going to jail was better than going back to my alphas."

Yoongi kept his face neutral despite the anger he felt bubbling below the surface of his skin. He'd never ever question your decision, but he would always feel angry that your situation was so bad that jail seemed like a viable alternative for you. 

"You said alphas?" He questioned when he managed to speak. 

"Two of them," you said with a nod.

"And one of them was female?"

"Yeah, they were husband and wife."

"How did you meet them? I mean…he's so much older."

You grabbed the coke from the dashboard and took a long drink to clear the lump in your throat. Yoongi's eyes never left you, but you tried to ignore him. "I met her first. I was on the streets. I was almost seventeen by then, but I'd been on my own for months. She just started talking to me one day when she was volunteering at a soup kitchen…offered me a place to stay. And I was desperate enough to not question it."

"So she just…took you in off the streets?" You nodded. "And then what?" He asked as if your story was the one he had bought a ticket for tonight.

"And then…and then everything seemed normal for like a week. They just seemed like a regular couple. They had a spare room and they needed help around the house, so I would clean and take care of the house in exchange for living there. It was several days before I realized they actually wouldn't let me leave. I hadn't really been on heat suppressants yet, and when that time came around I found out that the real reason they wanted me was because they wanted babies. They couldn't have any on their own, so they would use me. Like some fucked up puppy mill," you choked out.

Yoongi reached over to pat your back, but you flinched away from him, and he could understand that you wanted your space after such a revelation. He took his hand back and tried to think of something to say when all he wanted to do was rage on your behalf.  But he knew it wouldn't do you any good. "It makes sense that you were so frightened when two other strangers took you off the street. You must have been very scared."

You looked him straight in the eyes. "It's only been a few days. Shouldn't I still be scared?"

It wounded Yoongi deeply that you felt that way, but he could hardly blame you. He knew it wasn't about him exactly. "I'm sorry. I know there isn't really anything I could say to reassure you that you're safe with me but–"

"It's okay, Yoongi. I do feel safe with you. It's different. The way I feel when I think about you. When I'm near you…I feel safe but…" you looked out at the narrowing strip of pink sky to your left. 

"But what?"

"I've been taken in so many times when I think I'm at my lowest. When I was abandoned as a baby, when I met those other alphas, when Eli came to play big brother. And never, never has any of it actually made me safe."

"I hope–" Yoongi could feel the tears at his water line, but they would stay there. He bit his lip and looked away as well. "I hope you'll stay long enough to know that you will be safe in our home."

You looked back at him finally and noticed the collar of his unbuttoned button-down shirt was crooked. Reaching over to straighten it, you assured him, "as long as you keep it safe for me, I won't have anywhere else to go."

Yoongi took your wrist gently before you had the chance to pull away from him. With his fingertips against your pulse point, he could feel the strong, steady beat of your heart, not high enough to be panicking, but still a little anxious. "I will do everything I can to make you feel safe," he promised.

Before you could make any kind of response, the lights over the parking lot shut off and images began to play on the screen in front of you. Without another word, Yoongi released you in order to fiddle with the radio, tuning it to the right station for your movie. You both settled back into the seat, facing the screen, with a mountain of snacks in between you. You each tried your best to focus on the movie, but you could feel it every time his eyes slid toward you as he watched your profile instead of the characters on screen. Every time you turned to look at him he recentered his attention, but he was fooling no one. Several times your hands brushed when you both reached into the popcorn for a salty snack, and he would chuckle awkwardly before pulling away. 

You both tried to focus on the movie, but the truth was that it did nothing to hold your attention, not with Yoongi right beside you.

"There's something I don't understand," you said abruptly, causing Yoongi to look quickly between you and the huge screen. The movie had been pretty straight forward, to the point of being pretty boring. 

"What?"

"Why do you like me? Why me?" Yoongi laughed openly while you pouted. You pulled your feet under you and turned to face him straight on, giving up any pretense of watching the movie. "Don't laugh. I'm serious. I mean. I don't know. I guess I'm trying to understand your intentions because I want to believe that this won't be like before but I…I'm scrawny and dumb and there's nothing interesting about me. I'm not even pretty enough to make up for it all. And there are plenty of needy omegas in this city. So what could you possibly want me for?"

Yoongi's humor subsided, and he turned the radio down before moving to face you as well. His expression was serious but his eyes still held light. He reached over to brush back your hair so he could see your face in the scattered light from the projector. 

"I don't think attraction is ever really about those things. Not how someone looks or what they have to say, but how those things resonate with you. It's an elemental, a chemical thing. I just like you. Maybe that's why Hobi and Jin think we're fated mates."

"Fated mates?"

"I don't know. It's kind of…lykos folklore. Sort of what saps think of as soulmates. Like, it just feels right with someone, like you're linked to them even though there's no real reason. There's no proof that it's real. It's just a feeling I guess. But they say it only happens with alphas and omegas. And I don't think I believe it. I don't know if you feel that. But I do feel drawn to you in a way that I never have with anyone else. I don't even think attraction is the right word. I just feel like…I need to be with you."

Yoongi's eyes never left your face while he talked and you didn't realize you were holding your breath until he stopped and you inhaled so you could answer him. "Maybe that's why my omega wants me to trust you even though everything else tells me not to. Like, I should be terrified of you, but I'm just not. I just want to be good so that I can stay."

You didn't know you were leaning toward him, nor were you fully aware of the words you spoke or how they made Yoongi's heart race, but when he brushed his fingers along your cheekbone you suddenly leaned back, blinking rapidly to regain your composure.

Yoongi coughed and pulled his hand away, reaching for candy to occupy his fingers. "I guess I should be honest with you about my intentions," he said with a shrug. "Because I know they aren't entirely altruistic."

You swallowed, but kept your eyes on him. His words made you nervous, but you'd hardly call it fear. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe it's a little dark. Or maybe all alphas feel this way. I always knew I was an alpha before presentation, because I always wanted people to depend on me. I always wanted to be in charge, to be a provider, to have the people in my life need me even more than they wanted me. In a way, the attraction I have, the love I have for the others, that's the unbelievable thing. With Jimin, with you, I felt from the first time I met each of you that you needed me. You wouldn't survive without me. And I liked that. Do you think that's kind of sick?" He wondered. You couldn't tell if he wanted an answer, or if he wanted you to be a little bit scared. But still you didn't feel it.

I don't think I will survive without you, your inner self echoed. 

You reached out to him, let your fingers graze the back of his hand. "I'm not sure. I'm not the best judge of what's normal and what's not. But it sounds right to me. I think to myself sometimes, I don't know how I've survived this long. I should be dead. Omegas…we aren't built to make it on our own. Sometimes it seemed like my death was right around the corner, but I don't feel that way anymore. The last two days have felt like the safest days of my whole life," you admitted. 

Yoongi's chest felt tight, like his heart would burst through his ribs if you kept talking. He turned his palm up so he could slot his fingers through yours. You sat in silence for a moment, letting him hold your hand while he tried to keep his breathing steady. 

"I don't understand why you're not pack alpha. Is it because Seokjin makes more money?" You wondered after a minute as you brushed back his chin length hair with your fingers. 

Yoongi chuckled. "If we're getting technical, Taehyung makes the most money in the pack."

Your eyes bulged in surprise. "But I thought Tae didn't work."

"He doesn't have a job in the strictest sense, but reclusive artists are often the most sought after. His paintings sell for a high price tag to collectors."

You hummed thoughtfully. "Maybe I picked the wrong alpha." 

Yoongi tugged on your hand playfully, making you giggle. "I always wanted to be a pack alpha. When I was younger I tried to establish my own pack but…it just wasn't right. I didn't have a lot to offer back then. I've never had Jin's resources. And then I met his pack, and I felt very comfortable with them. It was easy to fall in love with each of them so quickly. But they were already complete before me. I felt surprised they even wanted me. So I let go of that dream. It's been over five years now."

"But then you met Jimin, right? Did you think about starting a pack with him? On your own, I mean?"

Yoongi shrugged. "An alpha and a beta isn't much of a pack. You can make a pack without a beta, but without an omega? What's the point?" He looked at you through his eyelashes, but then quickly away. "Besides, Jimin and I both always wanted a big pack, and he clicked with Jungkook and Taehyung right away. It would have been selfish to take him away just because I wanted to be in charge."

"You're my pack alpha though," you murmured, sending a shiver down Yoongi's spine. He could only nod. "Good."

He lets his eyes close and for a minute you just watch him breathe steadily, happy that he seems content with you. But as seconds slip by you begin to feel that it might not be enough. Maybe it was silly, but you felt so much closer to him after all you'd both said, and holding his hand wasn't physically close enough anymore.

"I'm kind of cold," you told him quietly, taking him from his thoughts. 

"I can turn on the heat," he offered, letting go of your hand and reaching for the ignition. 

"Or maybe you could just hold me?"

The corner of his mouth tugged into a smile. He helped you move all the snacks to the backseat of the impala and moved closer so you met in the middle. You huddled into his side as he wrapped his arm around your shoulders and pulled you legs over his. You let out a quiet, happy sigh you hoped he didn't notice. 

"If you wanted to cuddle all you had to do was say so," he whispered to the top of your head. 

You turned your face into his shoulder. "I'm working on it," you mumbled. 

He smiled and ran his fingers through your hair, dragging his fingernails gently against your scalp. "You're doing great, princess."

You made a noise Yoongi wouldn't only describe as grumpy and turned your face up at him. "Why do you call me that?"

"Because that's what I want you to feel like. Because princesses have everything they need provided for. And because you're special just because you're you. But if you don't like it, I can call you something else."

You nestled into him again. "Well, when you put it like that."

Once again, Yoongi turned up the volume on the radio and you both at least pretended to pay attention. Although the movie in general was pretty innocuous, you took advantage of one lame jump scare to bury your face into his neck. Yoongi held his breath as you nosed at his scent gland, causing his light, happy scent to fill the car around you. He let you stay in his arms until the end of the movie, and although you didn't fall asleep, it was an easy mistake for him to make. He scratched teasingly at your side to rouse you when the screen went dark. 

"Are you ready to go home, princess?"

You tilted your head up to see his features illuminated by the lights of other cars as they made their exits. You'd practically forgotten that there was anyone else there. Your head nodded sleepily, and Yoongi reluctantly moved you over to your side of the seat. When he moved behind the steering wheel you moved back to the center seat and strapped in the seatbelt there so you could stay close to his warmth.

No matter how old you get, the urge to stay up on a Saturday night always remains. Yoongi could tell by the soft footsteps moving about the second floor that the pack are just settling in for the night, brushing their teeth and for the most part discarding unnecessary items of clothing before staking their claim to their spots in the nest. Everyone was home for once, and they'd all sleep soundly. Even you. Even Yoongi, although he knew that it still wasn't time for you and him to share space for that activity. You climbed the stairs sleepily with Yoongi a few steps behind you, making sure you didn't slip as you swayed precariously. His hand went quickly to your hip, grabbing hold of the fabric there when you tripped over the top step. The noise brought Hoseok to the bedroom door.

"You didn't get her drunk, did you, alpha?" Hobi asked from the half open door. Yoongi rolled his eyes, because the omega knew that wasn't the plan.

"No, just sleepy," you yawned as you rubbed your eyes. 

Jimin squeezed past Hoseok to give you a goodnight hug. "You smell like you crawled out of an orange." He giggled, "apples and oranges."

Yoongi blushed while the two of you said your goodnights. 

"Do you need any help getting ready for bed?" Hobi asked softly. He'd helped you take apart your nest earlier today so that you could keep practicing. 

"No, I think I got it. And I have new pillows," you whispered happily.

"Okay then," he smiled back. "Yoongi, I'll see you in a minute," he said, and the instruction to your alpha was clear, just in case he didn't already know where he would be sleeping tonight. He closed the door and the two of you were cloaked in darkness except for a sliver of light from a lamp Hoseok left on for you in your room. 

"Are you going to tell them what I told you earlier?" You asked after a moment passed with nothing but the sound of your breathing. 

"I won't, if you don't want me too. But no one is going to judge you if you're–"

"No. I was just thinking it would be better if you did. That way I don't have to tell it six more times."

Yoongi nodded. It was a vulnerable thing you had shared, and it couldn't be easy to talk about with others. "I read once that if you talk about your trauma repeatedly, like you're telling a story, it can start to feel more like a thing that happened and not something that's still happening to you."

You cringed at the thought. "I think I'd still rather have you explain it. If you don't mind."

"Of course," he agreed easily, anything to make you more comfortable. 

"I had a good time tonight," you admitted after another quiet moment where neither of you seemed to want to leave. 

Yoongi's smile was becoming semi permanent. "I'm glad. Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

He took one step closer to you and leaned down to kiss your cheek, but you turned your head up in such a way that you caught his lips with your own. You froze in surprise, and even more shockingly, he didn't move away. Yoongi took another step into you, so your chests were just touching. His hand went around your back to keep you steady despite intensifying the angle of your kiss. Still, it remained chaste even as it went on. His lips were hot and soft and just slightly moist, but he seemed content to press his mouth just gently to yours for another moment longer. Then his lips finally left yours, he whispered his goodnight and disappeared into the pack bedroom. 

😃😃 they kissed! Who wants to scream about it?

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[bridgetoesoteria]

Who is online stalking you 👀 ??

Left to right. I'm going to be keeping this one pretty simple and straightforward, since I'm easing back into things. Sorry about any typos.

Pile 1

I am mostly getting a male energy ngl. It does not feel particularly romantic. I think for the majority of you, this will be nonromantic. First, there is definitely a job/workplace or some kind of institution looking into someone. It feels like they are checking your background and making sure you are worth the investment--sounds harsh, but that is how the energy is coming through. And tbh that's how employers view things. If you are job hunting or applied for some kind of promotion, they are checking out your online presence.

The next person I am getting is a man that you are probably estranged from. If you are in contact, they probably get under your skin. This person seems to be kind of self-important and full of themselves. The type to think their way is the right way and anything else is because you just aren't on their level. For some of you this could be an authority figure like a father, priest, or teacher/professor. If this is a romantic partner then it feels like the type of ex you are grateful to have escaped: narcissistic, overbearing, mean.

For a lot of you they seemed focused on your social life. So if you are going out or have some new exciting stuff you have been posting, they are watching that. Some are jealous because they are not part of it. They feel betrayed and will probably try to contact you if you never reach out.

Pile 2

I don't usually specify signs but I am getting Gemini. I do think this is a person that you already know to be nosey. This is someone who might have recently gotten married or had their bachelor/bachelorette party. There is definitely something about marriage here. If they are getting married they want you to be there and if you are getting married they are wanting to be there.

For others this might be people you only see around news years or you last saw on new years. I'm getting a lot about relationships, but in a strange way. Like this feels like someone that is a player or womanizer. For some they are cheaters, for others they are the kind that give polyamory a bad name. For some of you this is someone that is well off or owns a business.

A few other occupations I am getting: uber driver, charity/nonprofit employee, film maker (including online content), photographer, movie theater employee. They could work at night. This could be someone that is in bad health. Super specific, but this could be an older person who officiates weddings. I do think they are known to you. This isn't a stranger or someone insignificant, but I also get the vibe that you still aren't very close to them. It could even be a partner you are taking some space from. Besides the kind of sleazy energy I was getting earlier, this person doesn't seem to have bad. For some of you they could be quite creative and driven and have a big heart. They may ask you to hang out. For the most part it just feels like they are observing your life.

Pile 3

I'm getting a much more lighthearted energy from this pile. This could be a best friend or someone you are on good terms with. It feels like they could be searching for gift ideas...I should stop there, so I don't unintentionally ruin a surprise 😆. I am also getting family member vibes, it could be a maternal figure. For most of you, this person is really trying to conceal their identity. They really don't want you to know they are on your account; Some of them are even using a different account to check up on you. They are either being that secretive because they are planning a surprise or because they owe you an apology & know they should not be on your page.

This is quite specific, but this could be a maternal figure or older sibling you set boundaries with. Maybe you felt smothered or had a difference in opinions about your life decisions. Or you could have just gone to college. It feels like they miss you and feel far away from you. At the same time they are trying to be better person and they want to respect your boundaries. They know it probably is best to give it time.

Finally, I do think there is a crush situation somewhere in here. I think this is someone you know, but may not know how amazing they think you are. They find you beautiful, articulate, photogenic...I could go on. I think they go back and forth about approaching you. This could be someone you went to school with or you are in school with now. This could be someone on your campus or who works near your job or school. They could be kind of stoic in person, but it is because they are super nervous. You might even think they dislike you. Some of you could be older than them or a little younger. There could be a size difference, like maybe they are taller than you.

Well I am off to bake some chocolate chip cookies and eat way too many of them in one sitting. I hope you all enjoyed the reading. Let me know if there is a topic you want me to cover next.

~ K

[dewdrops-whammy-bar]

Tenth Drink Free- Chapter 2

Chapter 2/10- Star Taglist: @skele-bunny @rain-loves-scallops @dewphomet

{1}

Second chapter let’s fucking goooooo In this one I’m gonna delve more into Dew’s mind, his backstory, and his (frankly awful) mental health. Oh and he’s going to jork his peanits in the shower. Warning for mentions of/allusions to self-harm and self-destructive behavior.

“You seem excited.” Rain remarks, draping himself over the back of the couch with a smug grin. Dew looks up from his cereal to glare at him.

“What gave you that impression?” He asks.

“You’re up before 10, you don’t have anything on your calendar for today, and you’ve got the closing shift tonight. There must be something going on that you’re excited for.” Rain counts off on his fingers. “Ooooh, have you got a date?”

(Read the rest below or on AO3)

“Why do you care?” Dew grumbles. “Looking for gossip? Wondering if I’m still single?”

“Oh, I know you’re still single. I’m just checking in on you. As a friend.” Rain bats his stupidly long eyelashes at Dew. “What’s so important that it got you out of bed at the ungodly hour of 9:24 in the morning?”

Dew knew the reason, he’d spent most of his afternoon and evening the previous day agonizing over Big Sexy like a schoolkid with a crush. He’d analyzed every word of their short conversation and picked apart every glance, trying to glean whatever subtext he could from it. THEN he’d had a particularly exciting dream that woke him up at 6. After about 45 minutes of vigorously jerking it, he’d given it a rest after his third orgasm. At that point he was too awake to go back to sleep so he’d just busied himself with various little tasks until he got hungry enough to venture out.

“Fucked my sleep schedule.” He shrugs.

“At least you fucked something.” Rain remarks, turning back around and plopping himself back on the couch. “I’m getting ready for class.”

“Well good for you. Enjoy your boring-ass lecture, I’ll be here writing music and playing video games.” Dew sniffs.

“Enjoy that, I guess. Hope you like that coffee shop.” Rain snips back.

The words stung a bit, even though they’re nothing Dew hadn’t heard- or thought -before. He’d escaped his small town by bus on his eighteenth birthday with his guitar and just enough money to get by for a few months. By the grace of some god, Rain was looking for a roommate in the area he ended up in.

He’d managed to get a job at Cloudy Skies by borderline begging Cumulus to hire him at his interview. It wasn’t entirely manipulation, he’d had a long day and had been rejected from five jobs in the past week. It was nearing the end of the month and his portion of rent was due soon and he was afraid he’d be forced to sell his beloved guitar. He couldn’t help breaking down when Cumulus asked about his lack of past employment. He still felt guilty for it, even though it was six years ago.

He doesn’t realize how deafening his silence was until Rain’s head pops up from behind the back of the couch again.

“I’m sorry.” The other man says softly. “I didn’t mean-“

“You’re fine.” Dew reassures him. “It’s… well, you know. A bit sore.”

“That’s fair. Sorry for bringing it up.” Rain sighs sheepishly. Dew just nods and returns his attention to his cereal.

He’d like to go to college, get a degree in music or music education, but he’s broke. His job pays enough to cover rent and groceries and medication but that doesn’t leave much left over to pay for any classes. Student loans aren’t much of an option for him either, he doesn’t have much credit and being in debt stresses him out severely. He’s scared he’ll be stuck working customer service his entire life, a starving artist overlooked by everyone.

The texture of soggy cereal in his mouth almost makes him gag. He gets up from the table and puts his bowl in the sink, heading back to his room.

The rest of the morning passes normally once Dew cheers himself up again. He even manages to snag the pedal he was after (granted, for a little more than what he’d limited himself to spend, but whatever). He then celebrates by parking himself on the living room couch with a family sized bag of Takis and a controller and dedicates the next few hours to Resident Evil.

Eventually Dew gets bored and wanders back to his room to get dressed for work. He finds himself actually caring about his outfit for once. He settles on celestial-patterned skinny jeans and a black and red button-up shirt. He’s even compelled to slap on some eyeliner.

He realizes halfway through the eyeliner application process that he might be doing this in case he sees Aether again. He groans, drops his makeup pencil on the desk, and leans back to stare at the ceiling. He was too old to be having a crush. He had more important things to worry about. He wasn’t in high school anymore, putting on his best “pastor’s daughter” act and fluttering his eyelashes at the football team captain. That guy turned out to be an asshole anyway.

“Come on.” Dew grumbles. “You are a grown ass man.” He knows the drill- be infatuated by someone for a few weeks, create an idea of what they’re like in his head, finally push down his self-loathing enough to talk to them, and be disappointed by how they actually are. It’s happened too many times to count. It’d only turned out positively once- with Rain. They’d fucked a few times but decided to stay as friends, much to Dew’s relief.

He picks up the pencil again and finishes his makeup. He almost doesn’t want to see Aether again. He’d just be disappointed and go home and sulk in bed and give Rain another reason to tease him.

But he has bills to pay and a six-stringed child to care for. So he hauls his ass to Cloudy Skies, clocks in, and parks himself behind the register. He just has to get through a 5-hour shift. He can do five hours, that’s like three runthroughs of his favorite playlist.

“Hi D-dew!” Aeon chirps with a wave. Dew gives them a nod and a brief smile as he passes them in the kitchen. Aeon’s the most recent hire, a bright-eyed (well, in only one eye, the other was blind) 20-year-old computer science student working part-time. Dew doesn’t like change so he wasn’t a fan of Aeon to begin with, but they’ve grown on him. They’re like him- a weird kid trying to carve out a safe place in a scary world. He’d taken them under his wing as soon as he’d gotten used to having another person in the shop. He’d almost torn Swiss a new asshole the only time he dared to mock their stutter.

Dew glances around to make sure Cirrus wasn’t around and pops in one of his shitty wireless earbuds. Some music would make his shift a tiny bit more bearable. The opening notes of Toxicity filter through the tinny speaker of the earbud and he sighs with relief.

The afternoon crowd of students begin to flood into the shop and he’s quickly busy making drinks and heating up pastries. Sunny joins him behind the counter to help, thankfully.

He’s so busy with work that he doesn’t notice Aether has entered until he’s staring at that glorious chest with- dear lord, his shirt is unbuttoned an absolutely slutty amount.

”Hey, what can I get fOr you?” Dew’s voice cracks and he inwardly cringes.

”Hi, can I have a, um-“ Aether looks down at his hand. Dew sees smudged purple ink creeping over the side of his palm. “Cold brew with hazelnut syrup? Large, please.”

The same thing as last time- Dew’s own recommendation. His heart flutters. Stop it.

He grabs a large cold cup and jots down the order- and Aether’s name- before punching it into the register. “Yep. Anything else?”

”That’s it, thank you.” Aether smiles and Dew notices his crooked teeth. Fucking adorable. Jesus, stop it. You’re on the clock. 

“That’s $5.06.” Dew manages to get out. He takes the cash Aether hands over, along with the punch card. The hole punch today is a star. The heart-shaped hole from last time taunts him.

”I’ll have that right out for you.” He tells Aether as he hands the card over and slides the cup into the queue waiting to be filled. He allows his eyes to linger for a second on Aether’s absolutely perfect ass as he leaves before he turns to serve the next customer.

Between taking orders and making drinks, Dew sneaks glances over at where Aether’s decided to sit. He’s pulled out a laptop covered in stickers and seems to be studying. He’s wearing glasses, much to Dew’s delight (followed by annoyance) and his brows are slightly furrowed. Goddamnit. Out of all the people to have a puppy crush on it had to be a customer. Fucking amazing, thank you brain.

When Dew ventures into the back to take his break, he’s cut off by a very smug-looking Swiss leaning against the counter.

”So.” The man starts. “Sunny told me you have a crush.”

”Well, she’d be wrong. I don’t have crushes.” Dew ducks under his arm and makes a beeline for the back door. How did she know already? What the actual fuck?

”If you say so.” Swiss shrugs. Dew slams the back door before he can continue.

He eyes the brick wall, wondering if it’s worth it to punch. He’s gotta get his annoyance out somehow before he snaps at someone. He settles for kicking it instead. It only relieves his tension a little bit.

Dew digs his pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and sparks one up. The acrid smell calms him despite burning his nostrils. He hates the taste and smell of cigarettes but at least it’s something he can rely on to calm him. Vaping just doesn’t bring the same satisfaction- he’s tried. He knows he’s gotta quit but he’d just turn to other bad habits to replace it. He’s convinced himself it’s a form of harm reduction.

Dew grinds his teeth together. He’s thinking about his emotions again. He can’t afford to sink into self-pity again. He needs to pull himself together before he starts crying. He hasn’t cried in years and he’s not about to start now. Especially not at work.

His cig is only half-finished but he stubs it out anyway and heads back inside. A glass of water and a mint rinse the taste out of his mouth and he takes his place at the big industrial sink in the kitchen for dish duty. He’s glad he doesn’t have to interact with customers for the rest of his shift. As much as he’d like to ogle Aether, it’s probably best if he takes his mind off him.

He scrubs pans and mugs and plates and utensils and baking tools until his forearms burn and turns up his music. He estimates his playlist has cycled through about two and a half times by the time Sunny taps him out at the sink.

“Stop spreading gossip about me.” He tells her, a bit harsher than he intended it to be. “Swiss is gonna be on my case for months, you know how he is.”

“Maybe you should get off your ass and ask him out. It’s the big guy, button up shirt, nice piercings, right?” Sunny grins at him and flutters her eyelashes. “He’s hot. Might have to make a move if you don’t.”

Dew sighs. “I don’t have a crush. Yeah, he’s hot, but I’ve got no desire to date him,” He hisses under his breath. The little lovesick voice in his head wails at the thought of Aether going out with someone else.

“Sounds like someone who’s got a crush…” She whispers back and winks at him. “Cir wants you to clear the pastry counter, by the way. Enjoy the view.”

Dew doesn’t dignify that last remark with an answer, only takes his earbuds out and walks over to Cirrus at the other end of the kitchen. She looks up from jotting notes on her clipboard and rubs her eyes.

“Hey Dew. Could you do me a favor and empty out the glass display?” She asks while stifling a yawn. “Sorry. Long day.”

“Understandable. I’ll get right on that.” Dew gives her a two-finger salute, which she returns. His spirits lifted somewhat at the prospect of first dibs on the leftover treats, he trots back out behind the counter.

Aeon sits at the stool behind the register, sneakily tapping away at their phone. Dew bumps them with his shoulder as he passes.

“Careful. Cirrus’ll give you an earful if she sees you on your phone,” he mutters. “I swear, she acts like an overbearing mother sometimes.”

“I know. I w-would have put it away if I’d-d heard her footst-steps.” Aeon shoots him a conspiratorial grin. Dew blinks.

“You’ve memorized her footsteps?” He asks, somewhat amazed. “In three weeks of being here?”

Aeon shrugs. “I’m good at-t patterns.” They turn back down to their phone and resume tapping. Dew sneaks a peek at their screen and sees they’re filling out a Sudoku puzzle with frightening speed. He shrugs and lets them be.

The pastry display is picked clean, only a few crescent rolls and a lone muffin remain. Dew picks them out with tongs and places them on a plate. On habit he glances over to the corner where Aether sat- and still sits, to his surprise. He seems to be taking a break from studying, instead leaning back in his chair and reading a book.

Dew opens the warmer on the countertop and slides the muffin inside. He adds one of the crescent rolls after some consideration and shuts the machine. The few minutes it takes to warm up the pastries are spent wiping down counters and collecting tools to be washed.

He returns from the kitchen and slides the baked goods from the warmer onto a plate. He hesitates, takes a deep breath, and walks out into the seating area.

Aether looks up as he approaches, pushing his glasses up to his forehead with a tired smile.

“We’re closing in around twenty minutes.” Dew lowers his voice a bit, glancing at the few other people in the shop. “Thought you might want some leftover snacks. Don’t tell anyone.” He smiles and sets the plate next to Aether’s laptop.

“Oh, awesome. I was just wondering what I was gonna have for dinner.” The man smiles with those adorable crooked teeth. “Thanks for the heads up. And the food.”

“‘Course.” Dew smiles back, stomach doing flips. He sneaks a peek at Aether’s book- it’s a well-worn paperback with… two shirtless men on the cover. Well, that answered the question on whether he liked men or not. Dew actually had a chance.

He walks away to notify the other stragglers and wipe down tables. Aether only leaves five minutes before closing, waving at Dew as he did. Goddamnit he’s cute.

Dew has another cigarette on his way home to try to clear his head. He knows Rain hates the smell of smoke but he’ll shower as soon as he gets home.

The front door squeals as Dew enters the apartment, making him wince. He kicks his boots off, drops his bag, and makes his way to his room. Rain’s door is closed so he’s either gaming or jerking off. Dew fights the urge to just collapse on his bed. He knows he’ll never get up that way, and he’d rather not have aching ribs tomorrow from over-binding.

So he grabs his sleeping shirt and fresh underwear and drags himself to the bathroom. He’s out of makeup remover so he just rubs his eyes with a damp cotton pad until his eyeliner is gone. It leaves the skin raw and he winces.

The hot shower water soothes him. He closes his eyes as he massages shampoo into his hair and allows his mind to drift. It immediately goes to Big Sexy. He’s too tired to resist it- fantasizing would probably get the silly crush out of his system faster anyway.

He imagines Aether’s hands in his hair, combing through it gently as they kiss. How warm his lips would be, the scratch of his beard scruff against his neck, his large hands holding Dew’s waist, squeezing his chest, pushing his thighs open-

“Haaaaah…” Dew leans against the shower wall and tips his head back to avoid the spray. His hands explore his body- not as big as Aether’s, but he can pretend. His hand finally dips between his legs to find himself already slick and ready.

He pushes his middle and ring fingers into his cunt with a gasp. “Aether…” He pumps them in and out, imagining the bigger man’s fingers instead. The fingers of his other hand pet over his clit as he imagines Aether’s tongue in their place. Dark blue eyes look up at him through long brown eyelashes, fingers curling right up into that perfect spot, a low chuckle as Dew whines.

He imagines Aether pulling back and he whines again. “Noooooo…” Fantasy-Aether just grins, uses those big hands to flip him onto his stomach, and eases his cock into him. Dew adds two more fingers, moaning at the stretch. “Aeth- oh my god-“

Fantasy-Aether fucks him hard and deep, groaning unspeakably sexy things in Dew’s ear. Dew cums hard, thighs shaking as he clenches and flutters around his fingers. He sinks to his knees and braces his hand on the side of the bathtub as he rides out his orgasm.

“Fuck…” Dew mumbles as he washes off his hands in the now- lukewarm water. He’s embarrassed now- he just jerked off to a customer. He hasn’t technically done anything wrong, he’s free to crank it to whatever his dick desires, but he’s pretty sure he won’t be able to look Aether in the eyes for a good week. Incredibly awkward.

He gets out of the shower, dries off, and changes into pajamas. ‘Pajamas’ is pushing it though, it’s one of those T-shirts with three wolves superimposed over a full moon and forest that’s four sizes too big and boxers.

Dew returns to his room, hair still wrapped up in a towel, and collapses into bed. He’s tired from having emotions all the time. It makes him have to think about his life and if he does that too much he starts to spiral. A therapist would probably tell him to start thinking about his emotions and to stop smoking, but he doesn’t have a therapist. He’s fine as is, as long as he takes his meds. He pays too much for them anyway, he’s not gonna shell out another hundred a week for someone with a degree to tell him to breathe.

There he goes, spiraling again. Dew punches his pillow in frustration. As he rolls onto his back his eyes fall on the notebook on the floor next to his guitar.

He hasn’t journaled in years. The idea makes him want to laugh but… if he can get his thoughts out of his head and onto paper maybe they’ll leave him the fuck alone.

Dew drags himself out of bed and settles on the floor with the notebook. He chews on the cap of the pen tucked into the wire spine and hesitantly touches the tip of the pen to the page.

The next thing he knows he’s filled three pages, front and back. His handwriting is messier than usual- almost illegible- and he can barely remember what he wrote. Probably for the best.

Tearing the pages out of the notebook, Dew crumples them up and reels his arm back to toss them into his garbage can. He hesitates.

Instead, he opens one of his dresser drawers and shoves the wadded paper way into the back. It finds a home among his holey socks and empty deodorant sticks (he really should throw those out). He shoves the drawer closed a little harder than he really needs to. It feels good.

He takes his hair out of the towel and tosses it across the room. He’s too tired to put it into its usual braid, he doesn’t care if it’s frizzy tomorrow. Finally, Dew crawls under the covers with his hair still damp and goes to sleep.

Drop a kudos and comment on AO3!

[sirenixspook]

Revenge & Kapricorn’s Karma⏳

Saturn/Capricorn placements in a chart can show where the fruits from the labor will be yielded often later in life. Saturn/Cap rules the domains of time, consistency, patience, discipline, karma, and the grown up perspective. Saturn is the “father” of the zodiac, it’s lessons resemble “tough love” given from a father.

Those ruled by Capricorn or Saturn dominant are the ones who woodpick away behind the scenes and return back one day with an empire built, often formed from a long trail of patience from hard-learned lessons.

As a Scorpio I hold importance to Saturn as it is the area in your chart where shit starts to “click” and enemies who have done you wrong in the past receive the wrath of your karma. This is preceded by years of difficulty and trial-and-error, creating ease with obstacles and abundance (!!!) after the lessons of Saturn start to show itself. The house which Capricorn rules also applies to where abundance will be accumulated later on.

Saturn 1H- Difficulties with who you are, obstacles with mental strength, may be self conscious over appearance, could be seen as too “harsh” by others. They may too strictly abide to moral conduct or show aggression. A disciplined approach for life’s ups and downs and strong willpower regards to self will surface over time, these people may have a major physical glow up and learn to embody a CEO presence in any room. Also predominant knees and bony appearance, they may develop an athletic build later on.

Saturn 2H- Difficulties with managing money, blockages regarding spending and internal values. Pickiness with food intake, could struggle with having too little/never having enough. This is a great house for saturn to be in for monetary gain, the trials this placement endures with their material endeavors teaches them how to discipline their indulgence. They acquire a solid understanding of money and build up strong personal values/self esteem over time. That credit score washes away their tears.

Saturn 3H- Difficulties with acquiring and learning new skills, masks the value of their thoughts as they may have dealt with others making them feel inferior or stupid. Problems with school or driving possibly, may have a communication style that is perceived as annoying. Saturn teaches them to become a teacher and lead with their expression. These people learn integrity from constant debates with their heart and mind and have a mature, sophisticated view on methodology.

Saturn 4th- Difficulties growing up and in the home/family, this placement was often emotionally neglected in childhood due to their caretakers not understanding their needs, or expected to hold everyone up. They could feel like the unappreciated father of the household. As they master patience with their family members they can be a generational curse breaker and put a strong familial support system in place. This placement has been aware of bullshit from an early age and their mature, structured foundation gets them through emotional ups and downs with ease.

Saturn 5H- Difficulties with dating life and having fun. Could feel like a “stifled sun,” pursuits of pleasure end up feeling like a chore. They may feel indifferent in their sex life and resist time meant for enjoyment, a “party pooper.” Over time they take on a disciplined approach to romance, attracting established suitors. They can become seriously talented and may succeed in creative business, and their dedication to one hobby helps them become a leader in the creative/entertainment realms. They end up having well disciplined egos and a respected reputation.

Saturn 6H- this placement could manifest as being overly disciplined with work routines; could be seen as bossy, relying on heavy structure to get through a day of work. They could be undervalued by their employer yet still choose to sell the underdog and work diligently. Over time they take on the importance of wellbeing after a string of health problems, possibly as knee or joint pain. Their work ethic ends up rewarding them with high successes in their field.

Saturn 7H- Difficulties balancing relationship with others vs oneself, these people don’t have smooth relationships or experience repetitive cycles appearing from partner to partner. They learn the importance of the relationship with the self, and their good relationships come later in life. Often times this placement attracts the most meaningful relationships when they don’t focus on them. When they do find that person, they will commit to them for a lifetime.

Saturn 8H- Difficulties with understanding the deeper facets of one’s nature. This placement struggles with intimacy, the rigidity of Saturn tends to block attempts at a deeper bond with others. They may appear sexually vibrant on the outside but their stubbornness will show when they try to get intimate. Over time they learn how to use their seriousness for their advantage in terms of acquiring assets and getting to the bottom of an investigative matter. As they learn to release control with the vulnerable and get familiar with what’s waiting in the unknown, they transform into quite deeply tender souls.

Saturn 9H- Difficulties with changing world viewpoint/philosophy, could have rigid beliefs and have a hard time adapting other views. Often times they are distant from their father and siblings due to conflicting beliefs, and may find themselves at odds with others. The rules of Saturn conflicts with this Jupiter ruled house’s need to expand and open the mind. They learn to nurture the core of their beliefs and master their truth and vision. Their journey for truth meets success in higher districts- in higher education, in gov/law careers, politics etc.

Saturn 10H- Difficulties with long term vision, they are used to believing they don’t have what it takes to meet what is expected of them, may resent authority or carry disdain from strict figures in their life. This placement feels like walking on a trip line and having an enormous amount of pressure on you from everyone watching. Saturn teaches this person to reach the destination point step by step, they learn that taking false shortcuts can bring them crumbling down. They may experience the public eye witnessing their greatest fall and greatest comeback.

Saturn 11H- Difficulties with finding acceptance amongst friends and community, feeling like the “black sheep” (Speaking personally, this placement may make you a stand out as a lone wolf). Could feel like they can’t fit in and get caught in bad friendships, aversion to technological advancements and may feel inferior to their peers. They learn that acceptance comes from within and develop meaningful friendships later in life. As time goes on they let go of trying to fit in and master their uniqueness/individuality, which can make them shine as an influencer or community leader.

Saturn 12H- Difficulties with accepting spirituality and repeating karma. It may be hazy for this placement when it comes to adapting discipline, they may take on substance abuse or be drawn to immoral/illegal behaviors. Saturn places temptations for material incitement in this person’s life and isolates them until they learn how to let go of desire. Inner bliss is a road of difficulty for this placement, they learn to see outside of themselves and become disciplined in charity. They may end up attracting heaps of good karma after a lifetime of learning the importance of inner retreat and acts of good faith.

******

I am not a professional astrologer, this is based on my own understanding. Please correct me on any inaccuracy

-Ari🔱

[watisthisifnotthat]

Lilith in the 2nd House. Lilith in Taurus.

Everybody should read about this Earth placement. Literally relates to us all. Long post 💕📫

- Quickest shoutout in the post, tagged -

@nayatarot777 is one of the top posts for Lilith in the 2ndH/Taurus. For good reason. They're one of the only posts that actually condense the experience outside of perceptions based on materialism instead of comfort.

Instead of shallowness, there's an authentic view of stability. Growth, development and prosperity instead of exploitation.

This placement manifests itself pretty early in life and prevails it's affects rather and furthermore. The fundaments of the house of Taurus unfold from harvest, spring and the employment of sustainability.

In a world where the nutrition of a person requires health and well-being, to prevail in the BALANCE of these priorities can be resisted against to the point of antagonisation depending on one's own personal coodinance for health and well-being.

Based on environmental climates, economical climates and the means of cultivation this is where we see what the Lilith in 2nd/Taurus projects and is projected against.

Down to puberty and how a women's body develops. The relationship with family and outsiders placing boundaries on their expression of DRESSING due to sexist expectations for modesty and conservatism. Or their modernity and freedom of external expression used against them to EXPECT sexuality or promiscuity.

The presence and accumulations of projections, expectations and frustrations can lead to internalisation if other placements or factors of upbringing didn't sustain a healthy sense of authentic self-esteem. They can be influenced to place themselves within their own discomfort for a limiting and dysfunctional sense of safety and inclusion.

Perhaps not realising they are enabling the conditioning of somebody else's low regard of that person's own worth, self-care and self-love within themselves as the Lilith in 2nd/Taurus. Herein, they are projecting against themselves.

This placement embodies the natural process for all beings to live and thrive with ease and betterment. Chaos and negativity always arrive, yet the native person's inclination for grounding and self-fulfillment aren't broadly recognised as a formulation for endurance. With this placement, the native finds themselves as the springboard for the inequity of socioeconomic factors.

It is a touchy subject, a sensitive topic in which effects everybody. Yet when a native's own self belief aligns with their prospects and goals, a peacefulness and self-confidence will arise for who they are, helping them facilitate what they want to be and who they will be helping without intrusive and confining ideas for their OWN LIFE.

Taurus is an Earth Sign, ruled by the planet of all types love and money Venus. The 2nd house is our space, environment and materialsss. With respect, the native must cultivate these ideas without shame and with encouragement for themselves and to others. To question other people's shame for appointing such limitation to the society around us.

There is no greed in fulfilling yourself. There is no conflict in maintaining well-being, health and care. Why shouldn't we enjoy the fruits of our planet AND contribute back to our surroundings THRU our investments. We all make markets move, let us not create strife for basic needs, evolutionary pursuits of our sustenance and indulge harmonically.

To each their own! C'EST LA VIE. In whatever way, to be oppositional in the matters of this placement does not matter. Comme-ci, comme-ca! Let live and let go, be respectful. Love, love, love yourself. ❤️

[srbachchan]

DAY 5786

Jalsa, Mumbai Dec 19, 2023 Tue 11:44 PM

Birthday - EF Binita Sarkar Wednesday, 20 December .. family Ef greets the birthday Ef with warmth and love .. ❤️🌹

And so I shred my thoughts of the yester with the gifts of the written word and thought and what I got was a comprehensive essay on what was already expressed within ..

And at the end of it .. life still remains the same ..

"The absence of work can cast a profound shadow on individual lives and societal structures. When opportunities for employment dwindle or vanish, it ripples through communities, affecting not just financial stability but also mental and emotional well-being. At a personal level, the absence of work can erode a sense of purpose, leading to feelings of aimlessness or inadequacy. It can strain relationships, challenge self-worth, and ignite a pervasive sense of uncertainty about the future.

Societally, a lack of employment opportunities can trigger economic downturns, widening socio-economic gaps, and fostering disillusionment. Communities may face reduced productivity, increased dependency on social welfare, and heightened levels of stress due to financial strain. Moreover, the absence of work can amplify social issues, leading to increased crime rates, mental health concerns, and a decline in overall societal morale.

However, amidst this absence, opportunities for growth and innovation may emerge. People might explore new passions, develop alternative skills, or engage in entrepreneurial endeavors. Society might reimagine work structures, fostering flexibility and creativity. The absence of work, while daunting, could provoke a reevaluation of values, leading to a more inclusive and adaptable future."

.. they are ecstatic symbols of all that absence of work reflects .. they inspire to continue .. well inspire is a such vagrant word , never conveying its potential in the time and realm of its sounding .. so away with it .. and back to the more mundane ..

LIFE ..

'Life in question of the living belief .. belief , stopping inquiry , presenting doubt , doubt needs science to search the belief .. belief is not knowing the reason for it ..'

or so say the Gurus of wisdom propagation .. questioning the aastik and the nastik .. आस्तिक, और नास्तिक ..

there are millions that believe in belief .. and chosen few that do not .. the righteous and the non righteous .. the right or the wrong .. who be the judge .. life has ever been an unjudged bench of them that design the modes for it ..

the dance of the yellow .. in the blue halo

Amitabh Bachchan

[phoenixyfriend]

Raising the Minimum Wage and Its Effects

Ko-fi prompt from [name redacted]:

So, what does raising the minimum wage really do to the rest of the economy?

Hecking Complicated! I think I might need a doc of just. References for this one. But here are a few elements!

(Also, the Congressional Budget Office has an interactive model of how different changes to the minimum wage could affect various parts of the economy, like poverty rates and overall employment. Try it out!)

Reduction of Benefits

A common claim that is used to argue against the minimum wage is that it will result in companies cutting hours for their employees in order to recoup losses by having to provide benefits to fewer employees. This isn't 'the minimum wage is bad' so much as 'corporations are assholes,' but it is unfortunately still a thing that happens. (Harvard Business Review)

This is not a problem with the minimum wage itself, in my opinion, but these issues are emblematic of the weight that self-serving elements of capitalism carry. The low minimum wage is just one part of many that contribute to the current wealth disparity; if things like health insurance were universal, then bosses wouldn't be as able to cut them to employees in order to save money. Current regulations incentivize companies to hire more part-time workers than full-time, in order to avoid paying out benefits. Some cities have enacted Fair Workweek Laws in order to combat these approaches, though the impact is as of yet uncertain (Economic Policy Institute, 2018). Early reports, like the Year Two Worker Impact Report on Seattle’s Secure Scheduling Ordinance, do seem to indicate positive results, though:

In addition, the SSO led to increases in job satisfaction and workers’ overall well-being and financial security. In particular, the Secure Scheduling Ordinance had the following impacts for Seattle workers: - increased work schedule stability and predictability - increased job satisfaction and satisfaction with work schedules - increased overall happiness and sleep quality, and reduced material hardship. (direct quote from the Year Two Eval)

Unfortunately, these were approved at the earliest in 2015 (San Francisco's Formula Retail Employee Rights Ordinances, which went into effect in March 2016), which means that none of them were in play for longer than five years before COVID-19 ground the planet's economy to a near halt. I tried to find results for the San Francisco laws, but I couldn't find any studies for it; I did find an article from March 2023 that summarized which cities in California have brought in fair workweek laws, though, so maybe someone could use that as a jumping off point (What Retailers Should Know About California Scheduling Ordinances).

Companies prevented from cutting benefits by cutting hours would probably find another way to do the same thing, but let's be real: keeping the minimum wage low won't stop them from cutting every corner possible. EPI has some articles, like "The role of local government in protecting workers’ rights," that talk about how these measures can be, and have been, implemented to protect workers from cost-cutting employers.

Cutting the hours and benefits of part-time employees is a real, genuine concern to have about raising the minimum wage, and those need to be anticipated and combated in concert with raising the minimum wage. However, it is not a reason to keep the minimum wage depressed. It's just a consequence to be aware of and plan for.

Passing Costs On To Customers

A common argument against raising the minimum wage is that companies will raise costs in order to cover the raise in expenses, to a degree that nullifies the wage hike. This is, um. Uh.

Really easily debunked?

Like, really easily.

Over a ten-plus year period, research found that a 10 percent increase in the minimum wage resulted in just a 0.36 percent increase in prices passed on to the consumer at grocery stores. A similar Seattle-based study showed that supermarket food prices were not impacted by their minimum wage increase. - (Minimum Wage is Not Enough, Drexel U.)

I've talked about it before, but in some cases it's just a matter of how US-based labor is such a comparatively small portion of costs for medium-to-large businesses that raising wages doesn't raise corporate expenditures that much.

That said, some companies rely on drastically underpaying their employees, like Walmart. Walmart's revenue in 2020 was approximately $520 billion (Walmart Annual Report, page 29). Now, this report doesn't actually tell us what amount is spent on labor, but it does give us the "Operating, selling, general and administrative expenses, as a percentage of net sales." This is, to quote BDC, "[including] rent and utilities, marketing and advertising, sales and accounting, management and administrative salaries."

So, wages are just part of the (checks) 20.9% of revenue that is operating SG&A expenses. But maybe I'm being mean to Walmart! After all, the gross profit margin is only 24.1%, so only 3.2% is left for those poor shareholders!

Oh, oh, that means the profit is still over 16billion USD? And Walmart cites having 2.2 million associates in that same report? And that's about $7,500 per employee per year that's being withheld? And that's before we take costs up by like three cents per product?

Which, circling back: A study from Berkeley by the name of "The Pass-Through of Minimum Wages into US Retail Prices: Evidence from Supermarket Scanner Data" found that

a 10% minimum wage hike translates into a 0.36% increase in the prices of grocery products. This magnitude is consistent with a full pass-through of cost increases into consumer prices.

Of course, Walmart does sell more than just groceries, but isn't it interesting that raising a minimum wage resulted in such a small cost increase? If we assume this is linear (it's probably not, but I have so many numbers going on already), then doubling wages from 7.25 to 14.50 would still mean only a 3.6% increase costs! Your $5 gallon of milk would go up to [checks] $5.18.

Hm. Those 18 cents might be meaningful to our poorest citizens, but if those poorest citizens are more likely to be raised out of poverty by raising the minimum wage, then it might just be the case that they too can afford the new price of milk, and have more money left over for things like... rent. Or education. Or healthcare.

Maybe even a cost cutting loss leader like Walmart can reasonably increase its wages. After all, they still have 13 stores on Long Island, where the minimum wage is $15, and has been since 2021.

(I could have just cited the Berkeley study and moved on, but after a certain point I was too deep in parsing the Walmart report to not include it.)

But also... minimum wage increases are often staggered. They start out on the bigger companies, which have the resources to accommodate those changes (unless they've been doing stock buybacks), and then later on the smaller businesses, now that a portion of the economy (those working for the big companies) has the spare change to spend money at those smaller businesses that are raising their prices by a little more than the corporations.

And at that point, all I can really say is, well.

If you can't afford to pay your employees a living wage, you're not an oppressed company. You're just a failing company. Sorry, Walmart&Co, your business model is predicated on fucking over poor people, and so it's a bad business model.

Being a dickhead, while successful, is not actually 'smart' business practice.

(This doesn't even get into the international impacts, like what an "American companies should pay higher wages abroad, especially if they charge higher-than-American pricing for their products, but also at factories where we know they're committing human rights abuses" approach could be but this is already long as fuck so that'll have to wait for another post.)

Anyway.

Inflation

This one is tied into the cost argument above, but like...

Inflation is already a thing? Inflation is happening whether we raise the minimum wage or not. Costs go up whether we raise the minimum wage or not. Who is this argument serving? Not the people who can't afford rent, surely.

Quoting the earlier-mentioned Drexel report (red highlights mine):

While the minimum wage has been adjusted numerous times since its implementation in 1938, it has failed to keep up with inflation and the rising cost of living. The purchasing power of minimum wage reached its peak in 1968 and steadily declined since. If it had kept up with inflation from that point it would have reached at least $10.45 in 2019. Instead, its real value continues to go down, meaning minimum wage employees are essentially being paid less each year. Additionally, some economists argue if minimum wage increased with U.S. productivity over the years, it would be set currently at $26 per hour today and poverty rates would be close to non-existent with little negative impact on the economy. However, because gradual change was avoided, the extra funds were instead shifted to CEO compensation. A sudden change in wages now could possibly make a more noticeable impact on the economy, which is often cited as reasoning for a slower increase over time moving forward. Gradual increases with inflation and productivity could have avoided any potential economic ripple effects from wage increases and should be considered in ongoing plans.

Increasing Unemployment

A common argument is that the unemployment rate would jump as employers were forced to let employees go. Assuming they didn't just hire more employees so they could give them less hours in order to cut benefits... not really!

A 2021 article from Berkeley News summarizes the issue, along with several others, covering some thirty years of research that started with "Minimum Wages and Employment: A Case Study of the Fast-Food Industry in New Jersey and Pennsylvania," published in 1993. They also touch on the issue of subminimum wages for tipped workers, though they do not address the subminimum wages set for underage and disabled workers.

“A minimum wage increase doesn’t kill jobs,” said Reich, chair of UC Berkeley’s Center on Wage and Employment Dynamics (CWED) . “It kills job vacancies, not jobs. The higher wage makes it easier to recruit workers and retain them. Turnover rates go down. Other research shows that those workers are likely to be a little more productive, as well.” - Berkeley News article, "Even in small businesses, minimum wage hikes don’t cause job losses, study finds"

Lower turnover rates also save money for employers, as it causes them to have much lower HR expenses. How much money do you think large employers spend on using sites like Indeed or Glassdoor to find new employees?

This article from Richmond Fed does, admittedly, encourage a slightly grayer analysis:

In a 2021 review of some of the literature, [researchers] reported that 55.4 percent of the papers that they examined found employment effects that were negative and significant. They argued that the literature provides particularly compelling evidence for negative employment effects of an increased minimum wage for teens, young adults, the less educated, and the directly affected workers. On the other hand, in a 2021 Journal of Economic Perspectives article that analyzed the effect of the minimum wage on teens ages 16-19, Alan Manning of the London School of Economics and Political Science wrote that although the wage effect was sizable and robust, the employment effect was neither as easy to find nor consistent across estimations. Thus, although the literature supports an effect on employment among the most affected workers, it does not appear to be as sizable as theory might suggest.

The International Labor Organization has a similarly mixed result when taking a variety of studies into account. (I left in their own reference links.)

In high-income countries, a comprehensive reviews of about 70 studies, shows that estimates range between large negative employment effects to small positive effects. But the most frequent finding is that employment effects are close to zero and too small to be observable in aggregate employment or unemployment statistics (1). Similar conclusions emerge from meta-studies (quantitative studies of studies) in the United States (2), the United Kingdom (3), and in developed economies in general (4). Other reviews conclude that employment effects are less benign and that minimum wages reduce employment opportunities for less-skilled workers (5).

And there's the 60-page "Impacts of minimum wages: review of the international evidence" from University of Massachusetts Amherst, which looks at data from both the US and UK. I'll admit I didn't read this one beyond the introduction, because this is very long already.

Not all US studies suggest small employment effects, and there are notable counter examples. However, the weight of the evidence suggests the employment effects are modest. Moreover, recent research has helped reconcile some of the divergent findings. Much of this divergence concerns how different methods handle economic shocks that affected states differently in the 1980s and early 1990s, a period with relatively little state-level variation in minimum wages.

I'd encourage you to think of it this way:

Employer A pays $7.25/hr. Employer B also pays $7.25/hr. An employee works 25hrs/week for Employer A, and 20hr/wk for Employer B. The minimum wage goes up to $15/hr. Employer B cuts the employee. Employer A cuts employees as well, but not this one, and instead increases their hours to 30/wk for greater coverage.

The employee has gone from just under $400/wk to $450/wk. They lost a job, sure, but the end result... They have an extra fifteen hours of free time per week! Or more! With time to level out, you have less jobs, but more employment, because people aren't taking up multiple jobs (that someone else could have) just to survive.

This is a very, very simplified example, which doesn't take into account graduated wage increases (see the NYS labor table) or the benefits issue from before, but it does show the reality that "less jobs" doesn't necessarily mean "less pay" or "fewer employed" people, when so many of those employed at this pay are working multiple jobs.

Even the Washington Post agrees that the wage hike wouldn't cost as many jobs as conventional wisdom claims, and they're owned by Bezos. (Though I recognize the name of the article's author as the same person behind that 60-page Amherst report, so there's that to consider.)

The Kellogg Institute also points out that individual workers were, on average, more productive after receiving the pay increase, so the drop in the bottom line was softened. This is a bit debatable; the results varied based on the level of monitoring, but it's worth noting that most minimum wage jobs are pretty high-intensity, high-monitoring. Goodness knows you don't get a whole lot of time to yourself outside of the critical eye of your shift lead or customers if you're working fast food. They also note a decrease in profits, but I'd point out that they speak specifically of profits, not share of revenue.

To explain the difference: imagine you sell $100 of product in a day. The product cost you $50. Overhead (rent, utilities, taxes) cost you $10. Labor cost you $15. Profit, then, was $25, or $25.

A 16% reduction in the profit does not mean you now retain $11. It means that you retain 16% less of the $25. You now retain $21.

(This is, as with many of my examples, INCREDIBLY simplified, but I need to illustrate what the article's talking about, and I don't have infographics.)

Some other articles on the topic are from The Quarterly Journal of Economics, Business for a Fair Wage, The Federal Reserve Bank of San Francisco (more critical), the Center on Wage and Employment Dynamics, the Center for Economic and Policy Research, UCLA Anderson, Vox, and The Intelligencer, which cites another Berkeley article. I do not claim to have read all of these, especially the really long ones, but the links are there if you want to look into them.

In the interest of showing research from groups that do not serve my own political views, I'm going to link an article from the Cato Institute; I do encourage you to read that one with a grain of salt, given that it's written by a libertarian thinktank, and they are just as dedicated to hunting for research that serves their political views as I am. There were a few other libertarian articles I came across, but the way they presented information kept feeling really duplicitous so I just... am not linking those, or the leftist ones I am also uncomfortable with due to the whole "I'm totally not tricking you" vibes. Also eventually I just got tired, there are so many articles on this and I am just one blogger who is not actually working for a magazine or thinktank, I am working for my own personal tumblr.

Negatively Impacting Slightly-Higher Paid Employees

Did you know that raising the minimum wage affects more than just those making minimum? It affects those just above as well. It's referred to as the ripple effect of minimum wage hikes by this Brookings article. They estimate that a wage hike would affect nearly 30% of the country's workforce.

"Price adjustments provide the principal adjustment mechanism for minimum wage increases: higher labor costs are passed through to consumers, mainly for food consumed away from home. Such an increase does not deter restaurant customers. Price increases are also detectable for grocery stores (Leung 2018; Renkin, Montialoux and Siegenthaler 2019), but not more generally. The effect on inflation is therefore extremely small." - "Likely Effects of a $15 Federal Minimum Wage by 2024," Testimony prepared for presentation at the hearing of the House Education and Labor Committee, Washington, DC (2019)

This overlaps with general criticisms of widening income equality, citing an AEA article I cannot access since it's behind a paywall. I wonder if it touches on companies like Amazon being headquartered in the city and manipulating the job market by sheer size? I can only speculate.

Plus, there are the health benefits! Which are mostly connected to lessening poverty, and through that lessening stress and increasing healthcare access, but still! Some of these results are debated, but I'd need to know more about the details to know how they're related (University of Washington).

------

I've spent most of the day on this, so if you guys have made it this far and are interested in supporting me, please donate to my ko-fi or commission an article. (Preferably for more than the base price; I'm effectively working at a fraction of minimum wage myself, which is ironic considering the theme of this post.)

(I realistically shouldn't have spent more than two or three hours on this, but I have so many strong opinions on the subject that I couldn't stop.)

(Also: There were so many more sources I didn't even get to read the basic premise of because it was so repetitive after a while.)

[truedexxxy]

Things to Keep in Mind During Uncertain Times

Staying strong and resilient is powerful, and while protesting, vocalizing, and contributing politically are essential actions, we also need to plan for our immediate safety. Words of affirmation and support are comforting, and seeking support is important, but moments of crisis also call for action and strategy.

If you’re in a red state, you can start by making a detailed spreadsheet to organize your current expenses. Understand where your money is going, find opportunities to save or increase income, and get a clear picture of where you stand financially. Moving can be expensive, but with careful planning, there are ways to make it feasible. Once you know your current situation, begin modifying the spreadsheet to plan future steps—whether that’s relocating, securing new housing, or adjusting your employment. Planning each piece, even gradually, can give you a sense of control and direction toward a better future. Even if you’re in a blue state but still facing challenges, these steps can provide a foundation for progress.

For some, leaving the country might be necessary. Moving to Canada or another safe region is a valid choice, especially as policies shift. Investigate options for international visas, employment, or family sponsorship. Having these resources ready can make a significant difference if you ever need to act quickly.

If you’re on hormone replacement therapy (HRT) or plan to start, now is the time to integrate this into your planning. If you’re already on HRT, consider asking your provider for an extended supply to ensure continued access. If starting HRT isn’t feasible now, add it to your plan for the future, especially if a move is part of your transition goals. Accounting for these needs can ease some of the uncertainty during this time.

If you’re considering changing your legal name and gender marker and can start the process now, take action where possible. Know that this can be challenging in some states. If it’s not realistic right now, add it to your plan for the future, aiming to address it if you move to another state.

Consider seeking mental health support, like therapy, if you haven’t already. This can be a valuable anchor, especially during uncertain times, and there are many resources available, including online therapy options. Support networks are essential, both for mental well-being and for navigating the challenges of relocation.

If you need to defend yourself in a serious situation, make a plan now for how you will protect yourself. This could mean identifying safe locations, learning self-defense, or keeping certain tools accessible. Your safety is paramount, so ensure you feel prepared and confident about your options if you ever face a threatening situation.

This list of considerations is not exhaustive, as everyone’s priorities and needs will differ. These suggestions are here as guidance for those who might need them, so use what applies to your situation.

This message isn’t only for the queer community; it’s also for the rights of women and all marginalized groups who will feel the effects of increased conservatism profoundly. As a neurodivergent trans woman and therian who has lived in two red states, eventually moving to a blue state—and now considers leaving the country—I know firsthand how crucial it is to prepare. A conservative government aligned with figures like Trump will have serious repercussions for marginalized communities, affecting healthcare access, gender-affirming care, basic rights, and protections against discrimination.

If you ever feel overwhelmed or experience feelings of self-harm, remember there are people who care deeply about you and want to help. Reach out to support networks, hotlines, or loved ones. You are not alone, and support is always within reach.

We’re all capable of making these changes, even if the path feels blocked right now. Although there may be many factors preventing a move, there’s still a way forward. It may be hard to see, but getting informed, staying prepared, and finding support can make a world of difference.

The road ahead is long, but resilience and preparation will guide us through. Use every resource, reach out to your community, and envision a future where you can live fully and authentically. Keep planning, keep dreaming, and know that you’re not alone in this. We all support you.

[chaoscrow119]

This is something I wrote for a friend struggling with some medical neglect in their home life and also with doctors. i think it’s very important because so many people dont think about the inherent flaws in our current medical system and the damage it does.

i have feelings about the blind faith and trust in all doctors. or the “self diagnosis isnt valid”. they havent proven themselves to deserve it. humans are not perfect and doctors especially are taught in a culture that encourages gaslighting and superiority. on the other note, the reason self diagnosis is waved off is because some people do incorectly diagnose themselves or convince themselves they have something to cope with other things or fit in.

one reason a doctor diagnosis is important is they are more likely to know other options it might be or spot the signs something else or something as well is going on.

unfortunately it takes a decent doctor to do that and most doctors are taught in a way that discourages that or are too overworked and understaffed to give the patient enough attention.

i honestly have a very similar feeling to medical professionals as i do to cops

all cops are bastards- that doesnt mean they are all bad or that there are good people who are cops who actually do their job in a good way, but the system itself is broken and they are part of that system. same for medical professionals

as such there are medical professionals who are good at their job and listen and actually evaluate all the options and are willing to learn and grow

but they are also part of a broken system

it’s come to a point in the area of mental health where self diagnosis is almost required to get the help you need. especially if you land in a category most doctors dismiss or the problem you’re struggling with they have biases about. you oftentimes need to know ahead of time and be ready to defend your case and get the professional to take you seriously.

even if you end up being wrong about what you diagnosed yourself with you need to have a place to start and defend with your doctor.

and when it’s a doctor that feels challenged by you self diagnosing, or if you are unsure, another very helpful thing is to focus mainly on the symptoms. make a physical list of each symptom you experience along with examples and how they effect you. and if you want to go the extra mile also have documents that show how those symptoms relate to the diagnosis you’re suspecting to show that you both know what you’re talking about and there is a real and tangible connection.

another thing that is helpful when self diagnosing whether or not a doctor is involved is peer review. peers often have biases as well so dont take their word as law. your the only one who is you. you know your struggles the best. talk it out with them, tell them your symptoms, compare them with the diagnosis you suspect- if they have similar experiences or suspect or are diagnosed with a similar thing talk about that. learn more, both in an academic sense and in a real life experience sense. and find people who dont relate- it can be so valuable to find people you dont relate with because then you start to realize what you are struggling with is not a normal thing. that’s the first step in getting help- either professional or letting yourself help yourself.

and at the end of the day an official diagnosis may not be necessary depending on the thing. they are far too hard to get. but they can be useful for accommodations in either school or work if you find yourself needing support in ways you cant give yourself and can only be given by an employer or school. but even without an official diagnosis a good employer or teacher or such will work with you on your struggles and help you find a way to do things in ways that help you

that being said some things need a professional diagnosis as well because they require professional medical help (COUGH COUGH EDS BITCHES /SRS)

in which case as i said before being told no by a doctor doesnt automatically mean it isnt true. learn to trust yourself, learn more about yourself, and if you still need that diagnosis come back armed with more information and proof.

it’s a hastle and i have so many intense feelings about how wrong it is to be this difficult. too many people suffer needlessly for it

(edit was because copy and paste didn't include the first paragraph for some reason)

[tarysande]

Apologies if I'm prying, and obviously you don't have to answer at all, or publicly, if you don't want to: I've only been diagnosed with ADHD a couple of months and I'm still looking for admin jobs/working a few part time bits. Do you disclose? Or do you think it's a bad idea to disclose/wouldn't work for your situation?

I'm always happy to talk about my experiences!

So, my situation is a little different because I'm self-employed. Part of the reason I'm self-employed is because I have ADHD. I like being able to set my own schedule. I like not having to work in the morning (when I'm pretty much useless). I like being able to (for the most part) choose my work based on whether it's interesting/novel/challenging enough to keep me interested--and I like that my work is always changing. Even if I get bogged down on one project (i.e., I'm so bored I want to pull my eyeballs out), I know it'll end and I'll get to move on to something else.

In my primary source of employment (I'm a freelance editor and writing coach), I'm quite open about my ADHD specifically because I want neurodivergent writers to know I understand and empathize with many of their struggles. I can (and do!) tailor my approach when working with folks who have, for example, issues with rejection sensitivity, emotional dysregulation, or trauma around criticism. We're all in this together.

That said, I am also very aware that my employment situation is made possible by the fact that my husband has a good, salaried job that includes the health insurance that pays for the various and sundry (ridiculously expensive) medications I'm on. And I live in a country where my health care is not tied to employment.

I do have a very, very part time gig for an employer (I'm still considered a contractor, though), and I did disclose to them--but only after we ran into a situation where I was made incredibly uncomfortable by the extremely neurotypical way they decided to handle a difficult situation. Without going into details, they called me in for a meeting that I would much, MUCH rather have preferred as an email. I explained that everything about the way they handled things led to extreme issues with rejection sensitivity and emotional dysregulation that would have been entirely mitigated by a) clearer communication and b) giving me time to process the information in a private space. While they didn't get it at first, I was able to eventually make them understand where I was coming from, and they changed the behavior to accommodate me. But--and this is a big but--I already had a good relationship with the management, so they were willing to listen without judgement.

Even though there are meant to be anti-discrimination protections (including providing accommodations for neurodiverse folks), I'm not entirely sure I believe they ... work? There's still a lot of stigma. And sometimes people hear "ADHD" and assume "flake"--which absolutely is not the case.

I would say that if you do disclose, be sure to clarify what kinds of accommodations you might require and to heavily lean on the strengths you bring to the role instead of what an employer might perceive as weaknesses. (For example: I work extremely well under pressure. I will be less effective if given work with vague or non-existent deadlines. I am an excellent problem solver who often discovers or invents solutions not just for existing issues but for those that haven't yet become critical. My enthusiasm for work I find interesting, novel, and rewarding is boundless. I am creative, dedicated, and motivated ... but only after about eleven in the morning.)

[vampirae]

Pluto and Money

How to gain money with Pluto transits

Pluto in 1st: This transit has the potential to bring up deep self-transformation and personal empowerment. Focus on gaining self-confidence, polishing your own abilities and talents, and creating a strong and determined image in your professional pursuits if you want to make money.

Pluto in 2nd: Pluto's passage here has the potential to alter your values and financial stability. To increase your income, you should examine your financial habits, make an effective budget, invest carefully, and have a healthy relationship with money based on self-worth and resourcefulness.

Pluto in 3rd: This transit has an impact on communication, education, and networking. Focus on improving your communication skills, gaining knowledge in subjects with high earning potential, and developing a strong professional network to improve your financial opportunities.

Pluto in 4th: Pluto's transit through this house can have an effect on family, home, and emotional foundations. Consider real estate investments, family business opportunities, and understanding the relationship between emotional well-being and financial success to improve your financial status.

Pluto in 5th: This transit has an impact on your creativity, self-expression, and personal fulfillment. Focus on exploiting your creative abilities, exploring entrepreneurial initiatives, and taking careful risks in investing opportunities to make money.

Pluto in 6th: This transit has an impact on employment, health, and everyday routines. To improve your financial prospects, focus on strengthening your work ethic, obtaining in-demand talents, and maintaining good physical and mental health to optimize productivity.

Pluto in 7th: This transit has an impact on partnerships and relationships. During this transit, collaborative efforts, cooperative enterprises, and common financial goals can lead to enhanced financial advantages.

Pluto in 8th: Pluto's transit through this house can have a significant impact on pooled resources, investments, and inheritances. To make money, look into investment options, engage in financial planning, and learn about topics such as estate plannHigher education, travel, and philosophical opinions are all affected by this transit. Consider extending your knowledge and abilities through additional education, researching worldwide business prospects, and adopting an abundance and growth attitude to boost your financial wealth.ing and tax techniques.

Pluto in 9th: Higher education, travel, and philosophical opinions are all affected by this transit. Consider extending your knowledge and abilities through additional education, researching worldwide business prospects, and adopting an abundance and growth attitude to boost your financial wealth.

Pluto in 10th: This transit has an impact on one's job, public image, and professional goals. Focus on long-term professional objectives, build leadership abilities, and use your influence and reputation to create financial possibilities if you want to make money.

Pluto in 11th: This transit has an impact on friendships, social networks, and group affiliations. Focus on networking, making important relationships, and investigating entrepreneurial opportunities within social or professional circles to improve your financial chances.

Pluto in 12th: This transit has the potential to bring about profound psychological and spiritual development. To make money, look into hidden abilities or spiritual practices that can be commercialized, as well as work on releasing any self-limiting beliefs or subconscious habits that are impeding financial wealth.

[dreamgrlarchive]

How do you deal with burnout?

Rest and Recovery 🎀

when feeling worn out and deflated it’s so crucial to prioritize revitalization. burnout is real and is critical to mental health.

recovering from burnout is different depending on what exactly you’re burnt out on (ex. work, school, family, friends, hobbies, relationship)

for example: tumblr is one thing i feel burnout from often. from anons, to writers block i often get drained from the platform. i remedy this by putting the app down and only returning when i have an idea. constantly scrolling and looking for inspiration doesn’t work. i have to see inspo in real life.

so i say that to say you cure burnout from optional activities by simply taking a break.

now for things that aren’t so optional like school or work, i recommend seeking help. talking to someone (employer, counselor, teacher/professor) for assistance.

in high school i was EXTREMELY drained from my algebra 2 class. before allowing myself to slip i emailed my teacher telling her that i was simply lacking the energy it took to retain the info she was teaching and she and i laid out a comprehensive plan for my success. i was given small extensions for homework assignments, we met once a week for a few weeks, and on the time i took away from that class i honed in on my other classes. i had to ease my way back into productivity. i got an A in the class.

my point is you can’t skip out on things that are crucial to your well being so you have to seek help. closed mouths don’t get fed and when you’re showing concern, people are more apt to help you.

now for people and relationships, i’m still learning my way around this. when i’m feeling overwhelmed by the maintenance it takes, i try to speak up.

“hey i’m just a little drained and overwhelmed with life right now so i won’t be around as much but i’m okay and i’ll be coming back. don’t worry nothing has changed. i love you 💗”

is something i’ve said in the past. taking breaks in relationships (with tangible expectations and parameters) can be good (platonic, familial, or romantic). if you tell your bestie you need about a week to focus on other things and recoup, and you disappear for three weeks with no word, she now has reason to worry (about your well-being, about the friendship and your reliability). so set standards and stick to them but if you attempt this and are met with harsh backlash, maybe this person isn’t mature enough or respectful enough or is too self centered (none of which make them a bad person) to be around you right now. and that isn’t your issue.

and finally, if you’re feeling burnout from yourself (self maintenance, hobbies, etc.) TAKE A BREAK. i’ve gone through phases where i can’t do my makeup and hair because i’m so mentally tired. it’s normal and it doesn’t make you less than. focus on necessities during times like this. essentials are all we really need so make sure you’re not skimping on hygiene and nutrition and you’ll eventually fall back into a routine that works for you. it’s about not forcing it when you know you can’t mentally handle it.

in conclusion please just be kind to yourself. give yourself the grace you need to get back to normal living. you deserve it

xoxo,

-Dreamgrl