#He's giving her advice based on his own experiences with change and separation

[lightandfellowship]

[rudycomics]

Rudy Recs - Smoking Behind the Supermarket

I'm not really sure if I want to get too in the weeds for this manga but the latest 2 chapters (32 and 33) of Smoking Behind the Supermarket by Jinushi have felt like a step up in their craft that really made me pay more attention to the pages.

Spoilers for the manga if you're interested in reading it!

I remember starting this manga thinking that the concept was kind of fun. An older man working at a black company developing a crush on the cashier at his local convenience store, who happens the be the same person as the girl he starts having smoke breaks with outside. He's constantly stressed and a bit clueless and can't recognize that the two women are actually the same, since their on and off the clock appearances are so different.

The style was always pretty unique and charming but I'd say it felt pretty utilitarian in a way: no really intricate compositions or focal length, it's all quite flat and clear.

It looks this way basically all the way up until these latest chapters, with much more detail in hatched shadows, hair detail, and closer compositions that really make you pay attention to the art more-so than before.

The story generally stumbles through Sasaki, the black company employee, and Yamada, the cashier, smoking together after their shifts and getting closer to one another despite their generational gap and Yamada continuing to life the farce of being a separate individual, dubbed Tayama-san. Sasaki is generally clumsy and out of the loop, but his earnestness and easy to read nature makes Yamada continue to poke and prod him, like playing with a pet. She slowly develops an attachment to him because even if he's a bit out there, he's very considerate and gives off an air of someone with life experience that disarms Yamada when she leasts expects it.

There's a big story reveal that on their first meeting, the two both had personal revelations based on their short interaction. We know that Sasaki was charmed by Yamada and her smile (which particularly affected him because he was having an awful day at his job) but Yamada had been struggling with her own job and Sasaki came by and gave her advice that grounded her, yet she doesn't realize that it was Sasaki that was the man who spoke to her that day, only getting a vibe from current Sasaki that feels of a similar energy.

It's only in the most recent 2 chapters that we see both characters feels this nagging urge to want to reach out for companionship in ways that they don't really understand, weighed down by their different circumstances in life.

This ramps up the romantic tension soooo much so quickly that I found it INCREDIBLY gripping! I've been keeping up with this one for a while and it had its charm but suddenly I felt like "ohh, I get a sense for what these characters want and their yearning is so palpable."

The chapters end with this incredibly somber and bittersweet note, these characters are too conscious of the obstacles that keep them from truly being close and open with each other beyond the level they've reached and convince themselves individually that they are drawing a line.

I'm suddenly so interested in how these characters will grow and if they'll find it within themselves to change their minds about what they think they want or even deserve.

To bring it back full circle, I think that if the art is any sort of visual indicator, Jinushi might be taking their little romcom series more seriously and I'm really on board with wherever this story goes next.

[categoricalabstrusity]

Classpecting Aang

Breath

“Those bound to the aspect of Breath are, above all, expansive. Flexible and driven, they leave an impact wherever they go. Like the breeze itself, they are able to sweep others up to carry along in their wake, but also like the breeze, they can be difficult to catch hold of or tie down. Although Breath-bound do make very good leaders, breath tends to be a very personal aspect. Often, heroism comes along as an offshoot of them pursuing their own personal stories. They lead by example, and will routinely be surprised that others look up to or feel inspired by them. They have a tendency to underestimate themselves, and not always out of poor self-esteem. They were just doing their own thing. At their best Breath-bound are motivated, adaptable, and forward thinking, but at their worst they can be volatile, avoidant, and gullible.”— The Extended Zodiac

The aspect Breath is based on the element Air (like Space is to earth, Blood is to water, and Time is to fire). Breath is about direction, change, and freedom which is a reoccurring theme in Aang’s story. Breath players are inspiring and great leaders, though they don't mean to be and it's usually accidental. At worst, Breath players can be apathetic or too detached from others. A good example of this would be Aang in the Avatar state or when Appa was stolen. Aang becomes a symbol of change and freedom after the 100 years of oppression caused by the Fire Nation. Aang could be a Seer of Breath, as he is given many options to the best path of freedom and usually uses visions (Like the lion turtle) or past-selves to figure out which path would be best. Seers are the passive class of Mages, and their roles are to see and know through their aspect usually through visions rather than experience like their active counterpart. Despite his many options, he sometimes struggles with choices of what to detach himself from, what to give up, and what to separate himself from to achieve freedom and liberty. An example of this would be Aang not being about to detach from Katara for his cosmic connection, or Aang not being able to kill Ozai because he can't detach from his beliefs despite the advice from past avatars. A Seer of Breath would be able to change the direction and path a character chooses in life. Aang moving Sokka and Katara out of the Southern Water Tribe to pursue other things, Aang pushing the Kyoshi warriors to join the war, influencing Jet and his Freedom Fighters to change their violent ways, etc. Aang also being able to see Toph in his vision, despite never having met her, because she was who he needed as an earth-bending teacher. I could also see him being and Heir of Breath, like Egbert, because of his ability to change and manipulate freedoms and paths. Heirs are the passive class of Witches, and their roles are to invite change through their aspect, including in themselves. An example of Aang influencing his own path, freedom, and direction would be when he ran away from the Air temple as he did not want to be the avatar- changing his story entirely 100 years later. And unlike a Seer of Breath whos inversion is Witch of Blood, the inversion Mage of Blood is far more suiting as it can explain Aang not wanting to be the avatar but learning to accept it as his responsibility. 

Hope

“Those bound to the aspect of Hope are driven first and foremost by their convictions. They do right for right's sake, and are quick to come to the aid of anyone they deem to be experiencing injustice. That said, their views of the world can be quite black and white, so what they see as the "right" thing may not always be the universally accepted view. They put great value in the power of the imagination, the ability to dream up a better and more beautiful future. If anyone could dream a better world into existence, it would be one of the Hope-bound. They may sound like all sunshine and rainbows, but they aren't adverse to a little destruction, especially if they think they can replace it with something better and more just. At their best, Hope-bound are positive, caring, and warm. At their worst they can be narrow-minded and selfish.”— The Extended Zodiac

Hope is about the power of beliefs, possibilities, and harmony- and since Aang is trying to bring harmony to the world and has become a symbol of Hope to fight against the Fire Nation it's a noteworthy aspect for him. Hope has strong ties to optimism and positivity which he uses to gain more help and aid across the four nations. He is able to bring harmony to some thing as small as two battling tribes and as big as four nations. He has connections to spirituality though that could mean Light-knowledge is not a strong desire or theme for Aang. In this case its purely a case for his personal beliefs. An example of him using beliefs and possibilities, he creates a new possibility that after everyone told him he was limited to killing Ozai all because he could not go against his belief. If he was a Hope player, I would consider him an Heir of Hope since he embodies the optimism and positivity for other people. Heirs are the passive class of Witches, and their roles are to invite change through their aspect, including in themselves. You can also say he is manipulated by Hope when he does things for others because they have faith and expectations in Aang, meanwhile he also manipulates Hope by influencing others to follow his cause and help execute the new future to defeat Ozai. He can also manipulate beliefs as we see with those two rival tribes as he mixes up their truth to get them to stop fighting. Though when we see the worst of Aang we don’t see narrow-mindedness or selfishness, but we can see traits of his inverting as a Mage of Rage when he is forced into the avatar state because of his overwhelming negative emotions.

Life

“Those bound to the aspect of Life are the universe's healers. They are concerned with the betterment of themselves and those around them, as well as the onward march of positive progress. Deeply empathetic, they have an intuitive understanding of other's suffering and the best way of righting those wrongs. If you're poisoned, chances are the Life-bound have something for what ails ya. This applies to both physical and mental suffering, though it might not be a cure you'll like. They also have the tendency to put other's needs before their own, which never ends well for anyone, because the Life-bound can grow bitter if they feel their own self-care has had to be shunted aside. At their best, they are great listeners, caretakers, and nurturers. At their worst, the Life-bound are passive aggressive, and pushy-they're certain they know best.”— The Extended Zodiac

Life is connected to healing, energy, and growth- and it’s the antithesis of Doom which is rules, restrictions and fate so Life has themes of rebellion and rule-breaking. I think Aang could be an Heir of Life because he is full of energy that I don't even have to explain. He helps growth in other people and nations, and his whole adventure is about him traveling the world and using his different experiences and teachers to stop the static rules and limitations that the Fire Nation has placed on the world. While Aang doesn't have healing powers, you could technically say he is healing the world as he stops the colonies. He is using Life against Doom, he's using the development and energy in others for rebellion. You could also take that as an Avatar he has an abundance of Life because of his past, and its his sole purpose as the Avatar to grow with the world to continue to protect and heal it. He uses his unique power and energy from the world and Life around him to fulfill his duty as the Avatar.  Heirs are the passive class of Witches, and their roles are to invite change through their aspect, including in themselves. So as an Heir of Life, Aang would manipulate his own or other peoples energy, growth, or healing. In this case, Aang influences others to join the rebellion against the Fire Nation and grow. He also influences his own life after he was brought back from Azula’s lightening. The inversion, Mage of Doom, would explain more actions he has in the comics like enforcing the peace treaty and keeping the balance with new rules and restrictions.

Conclusion

In conclusion, Aang shares many traits and themes with Breath, Hope, and Life; however, I personally feel like we can at least take out Life. The only evidence we can gain that he could be a Life player is the fact Aang could in theory be an anti-thesis to Doom through out the show and the nature of Avatars which does not reflect on Aang decisions and personality. Between Seer or Heir of Breath: While I try to keep most of my options away from canon classpects just for the sake of having unique classpects we haven’t seen- I feel like Heir of Breath is more suiting to the powers, abilities, and role that Aang plays in the show. Though I did at first think he was a Seer of Breath. So I’m debating between Heir of Breath or Heir of Hope. Both make sense, but I like Heir of Breath more since he is the last air bender so he represents and embodies the culture, beliefs, and past of the air benders. That’s just my opinion though! I would love to hear what others think and other evidence that could point to something else! This post is just for fun :-) 

Answer: Heir of Breath! Shared classpect with Egbert!

[dwellordream]

“The ideal relationship that young women in the postwar decade were hoping for was what historians have dubbed "companionate marriage." The term is usually used to describe a marital ideal that incorporates characteristics such as companionship, mutual affection, and respect between spouses. In the early twentieth century, this was certainly not a new notion. According to some historians, the idea that marriage should be based at least in part upon affection and mutuality has been a feature of Western beliefs ever since the Reformation. Yet in the early decades of the twentieth century the significance ascribed to emotional ties between spouses grew to unprecedented heights. 

Simultaneously, new ideas about the role of sexuality in marriage came to replace older ones, and popular understandings of what constituted proper behavior for husbands and wives began to shift. In that sense, the era witnessed the emergence of a new marital ideal, and among its key advocates was the generation of women who came of age in the 1910s and 1920s. At the core of these young women's marital ideals were trust, sharing, and companionship. Much like generations before them, they envisioned the ideal marriage as a partnership, but in contrast to their mothers and grandmothers they rejected gender difference and gender complementarity as the basis for this partnership. 

While they expected husbands and wives to fulfill gender-specific roles and responsibilities within marriage, they defined the ideal relationship as one of equal and fundamentally similar partners who shared a deep emotional intimacy. As one young woman noted six months before her wedding in 1920, "I would . . . only want to marry a man who sees me as his beloved, his companion and friend, a participant and advisor in all that life brings." 

Using similar language, another young woman expressed the same hopes for her marriage. "The thought of sitting with my dearest friend in our own home, enjoying each other's company, quietly pondering the events of the day—that is one of the things I look so much forward to," she confided in a letter to her sister a few months before her wedding in 1924. "I will want to hear everything that is on his mind. [I will want to be] his friend, his assistant, his fellow conspirator on our journey through life."

Further differentiating their beliefs from nineteenth-century notions of an ideal marriage was the emphasis young women placed on physical intimacy. If their parents' generation had shied away from displays of physical affection, young women denned the ideal relationship as one characterized by emotional expressiveness, romance, and affection. In the words of one "happily married young wife," "tenderness and caresses— those are the things that sustain a marriage." Never, she counseled other women, should they "be stingy with or embarrassed by your love."

By the 1920s, new sexual ideologies had also filtered into young women's consciousness. By then, references to Freudian psychology and the writing of European sexologists were common even in popular magazines, and Danish sex reformers had already for years insisted on the importance of sexual enjoyment for both spouses in marriage. Not surprisingly, young women therefore incorporated pleasurable sexual relations as a key component in their marital ideal. As one young wife argued in 1920, "Marital relations, the complete giving of oneself to the other" ought to be the foundation for "a deep and beautiful shared life."

According to another young woman, marital success depended on "physical passion, a deep, mutual longing toward complete intimacy and abandonment of oneself to the other." "If this [passion] is not present," she continued, "it is not advisable to enter into marriage since [sexual relations] otherwise easily will make the woman feel degraded, the man disappointed, and daily life together will start crumbling." By the late 1920s, the notion that sexual passion was essential to marital success had become so widely accepted that when the Copenhagen newspaper B.T. in 1930 invited its readers to submit their answers to the question "What makes a marriage happy?" the winning essay emphasized exactly this aspect. 

"It is important that the two [spouses] are erotically compatible," the prize winners "A. L. and wife" noted. "Otherwise," they added, "their happiness will collapse sooner or later." Understandably, the generation of women who had insisted on being pals with men before marriage also carried this ideal with them after their weddings. In contrast to older patterns of separate, gender-segregated work and leisure activities for husbands and wives, they conceived of the ideal marriage as one in which spouses led deeply intertwined lives, sharing not only bed and board but also free time, hobbies, and interests. 

"A husband and a wife should share with each other every aspect of their life . . . and in a good marriage they will naturally want to do so," "Mrs. Marie" declared in 1925. Other women agreed, arguing that a "good marriage is built on true friendship. Shared interests allow a husband and a wife to continue to be good friends. .. . It is therefore of vital importance for a marriage that spouses have good interests in common." In the course of the postwar decade, then, young women, bent on freer, more exciting lives than those of their mothers, came to conceive of the ideal marriage as an intimate, egalitarian, sexually pleasurable partnership between like-minded individuals sharing, and enjoying, their lives to the greatest extent possible. 

If women who came of age in the postwar decade were particularly enthusiastic in their embrace of this marital ideal, the ideal itself did not necessarily derive from within their circles. In the 1910 and 1920s popular writers, journalists, psychologists, sexologists, advice columnists, and marriage counselors across the Western world promoted this vision of an ideal marriage. In their eyes, the norms and values that had shaped nineteenth-century marriages had simply become obsolete. Not only did asceticism and self-control seem increasingly old-fashioned in an emerging consumer culture, but patriarchal authority also seemed to violate new, more modern sensibilities. 

The gradual decline of separate spheres and experiments with cross-gender camaraderie had made emotional distance between spouses inappropriate. And in the light of new knowledge about the human mind and the human body, the kind of sexual repression that supposedly characterized nineteenth- century marriages had become outdated. In the twentieth century, such behaviors no longer had their place, and like the Scandinavian legislators who passed the marriage reform bills, they believed it necessary that marriages be reformed if the institution was to survive. Up against older norms, they therefore championed intimacy, romance, and camaraderie as the true foundations for a happy marriage, and young women adopted many of their ideas from these sources.

Surely, some young men must have been as interested as their female peers in this new marital ideal, but if that were the case, it was not something to which its many advocates paid much attention. Instead, the vast majority of the experts who played such a crucial role in the conceptualization of the new ideal seemed to rely almost entirely on women to carry out their vision. With few exceptions, they directed their counsel toward wives—not husbands or even couples—implicitly delegating to women the responsibility for translating the new ideal into reality. In part, this reflected conventional expectations of women as patrons and regulators of emotional life. As one advice columnist explained, "It is, after all, a good wife who holds the key to family happiness."

But by focusing their attention on women, marriage reformers also acknowledged that wives had a particular interest in promoting change. While companionate marriage was supposed to promote greater satisfaction for both spouses, they were keenly aware that women had more at stake in this issue. As one marriage counselor astutely noted, "Because the husband will have to give up some of the privileges he has previously had in the home, he can in most cases not be expected to lead the effort." In many ways, young women and professional experts therefore depended upon each other in their efforts to reform marriage. 

Throughout the postwar decade, young women eagerly read their tracts and listened to their recommendations, and the woman who wrote to an advice columnist, "I have asked my husband to read your answers," was certainly not the only one who sought to take advantage of professional expertise. Experts, on the other hand, quickly realized that even husbands who professed an interest in freer, more egalitarian relationships did not necessarily feel the same urgency about realizing these ideals as the women they married, and wisely enough, they therefore turned their attention toward female audiences, commending them for their willingness to take on what one journalist solemnly called "this great new labor of love."

But despite such occasional praise, marriage reformers tended to be more critical than supportive of the women who shared their ideals. Having delegated to them the responsibility for creating new marital relationships, they quickly proceeded to translate that responsibility into a duty and obligation, and when marriages failed, they typically placed the blame on wives. As one marriage counselor lectured young brides, "A husband's love . . . is a fragile flower that must be tended by gentle hands. If all women owned such gentle hands, marriage would not be such an unstable enterprise."

Because of their alleged responsibility in this area, women were, for example, more and more frequently made to bear the brunt of criticism when husbands lost interest in their wives. As one 1923 headline in a women's magazine asked, "Whose Is the Fault? Doesn't the Reason for the Many Divorces Often Lie in Women's Lack of Ability to Renew Themselves?" Over and over again, experts identified wives' carelessness with their looks as a key source of marital problems. Describing the near demise of one marriage, one magazine columnist typically noted that "during her engagement [the wife was] always dressed up, and her hair was always waved and carefully set." 

After the wedding she "slackened off" and began to appear "at the breakfast table with greasy cold cream on her face, curlers in her hair and wearing slippers," inevitably alienating her husband's affections. Only because she mended her ways, insisted the writer, did the marriage survive. As a result, marriage manuals often included beauty advice, and beauty experts often presented themselves as substitute marriage counselors. In addition, women were repeatedly reminded to retain their appeal as partners in conversation. This entailed, experts argued, a general open mindedness and at least some knowledge of events outside the domestic sphere. 

"A woman might possess plenty of admirable qualities," one magazine cautioned, "but if she cannot talk about anything besides her household, if she does not read anything, and if she does not know anything beyond the grind of everyday life, then no intelligent man will be able to stand her in the long run."" When one young wife somewhat indignantly asked an advice columnist whether "a husband has the right to be disgruntled just because his wife is mostly preoccupied with housework," she should therefore have expected the lecture she was about to receive. 

"Your husband is right," the editor of the column answered her. Today, a wife's duty extends far beyond cooking, baking, and washing. Like her husband, she ought to be interested in all forms of cultural enrichment available to her. She should not just be a washboard, a broomstick, and a wooden ladle. It is her responsibility to be her husband's intellectual match, and she should be interested in those cultural aspects that give life depth and nourishment and provide material for conversations that move beyond ordinary everyday nonsense. .. . In the end, it is the latter that creates the foundation for good fellowship—for marriage itself.

Obviously, married women were not encouraged to expand their minds because of the gratification they might find in this, but because of the pleasure it would bring their husbands. In the blunt words of one columnist, "[A] wife should be interested in the world outside the home if she wants her husband to be interested in her." Simultaneously, wives were encouraged to tone down their own problems and concerns. Specifically, they should never talk about housekeeping. "Meet him with a bright smile and a loving welcome," one marriage counselor suggested. "Do not immediately launch into a detailed description of all your worries and calamities." 

Adding to this general advice, another writer explained that "when a husband goes out frequently, it is because he is bored to death of listening to an endless monologue about the butcher and the baker and the grocer and the high prices on everything and about the children who always fight etc. in one never-ending gray monotony. No men like to listen to all that. . . . The wise wife therefore keeps her worries and troubles to herself." Obviously, if wives were to engage their husbands in the kind of intimate conversation they were longing for it would be on terms set by men. Only if they adopted interests and issues deriving from men's world and experiences could they with some justification expect their cooperation. 

Popular magazines, marriage manuals, and advice columns soon added yet another requirement to the list of criteria for being an attractive wife. From the mid-1920s, they began to bring up the issue of marital sexuality, reminding women of the importance of being active and interested sexual partners for their husbands. In itself, this emphasis on sexual pleasure in marriage was not entirely new. Since the beginning of the twentieth century, sexuality had generally been presented as a positive feature of marriage for both spouses. What was remarkable about the postwar discourse on marital sexuality was the change in tone. 

Prior to the 1920s, marriage and sex manuals had been aimed at men, typically giving them advice about how best to initiate young wives into marital sexuality without alienating their affection or crushing their desires. In the course of the 1920s, advice givers shifted their focus from men to women, admonishing wives not to neglect their sexual duties. From the mid-1920s, women were repeatedly reminded of their obligation to retain their spouses' erotic interest or suffer the consequences. If a husband fell in love with another woman, "saving his affection and politeness for her and taking his bad temper out on his wife," it was, one expert warned, most likely "because [the wife] no longer dresses up to please him."

A modern wife should, others claimed, "also be a mistress" and "at all times seek to captivate her husband." "Never be cold, indifferent or unwilling to give yourself to your husband if you want to preserve his love," one advice columnist warned. "It will alienate [him] and only bring unhappiness into your home." By the end of the decade, wives were not only expected to engage in marital sexuality with pleasure, but had in fact been accorded the responsibility for maintaining an erotic atmosphere within the home and providing sexual fulfillment for their husbands. In the course of the 1920s, experts of all kinds thus heaped a dizzying array of new duties and responsibilities on married women.”

- Birgitte Soland, “From Pragmatic Unions to Romantic Partnerships?” in Becoming Modern: Young Women and the Reconstruction of Womanhood in the 1920s

[mc-critical]

So I was rewatching some of MYK Season 2 and it had me thinking..do you notice the insane amount of parallels and overall similarities in character arcs between MYK’s Beyazied (Gulbahar’s son) and MY’s Mustafa (Mahi’s son?). Both had a sense of undying loyalty and love/respect to the respective sultans of their time while also meeting their demise at the sultan’s hands, both maintaining positive relationships with their half-siblings despite opposition from their enviornments, both being the only children of mothers who weren’t favorites but were extremely politically ambitious and skilled. Both being princes popular with the janissaries of their time and were seen as a looming threat towards the sultan’s power. I even feel like like Beyazied and Mustafa were similar in their disposition and sense of justice and morality. Tell me am I wrong here because I really can’t unsee it they feel so similar to me😭

Yes, MCK Bayezid and MC Mustafa share the same character archetype (hence why they have the parallels you mentioned), but that's the only thing they're similar in for me. The archetype is only a baseline for both of their characters - their development goes in a very different direction.

The thing that sets them apart the most from the start, is that Mustafa's strenghts and flaws are shaped more by sheer personality, while Bayezid is a character shaped more by curcumstance. That leaves room for more development for Bayezid where he eventually changes his stance on people around him, while despite of every hint of change, intrigue or word of advice, Mustafa's principles and beliefs stay the same.

Both Mustafa and Bayezid have a missing part of their lives that shapes their flaws, but that part is different in both of them. No matter how much support Bayezid seemingly had, he always missed his mother and wanted to see her face he's long forgotten, he wanted to see her all the more with each and every letter of hers. And once that chance presents itself, thanks to Murat, no less (good job, lad, good job, indeed....), he would surely want to see his back from exile mother in a good light, despite of all the wrongs she has done. That's why Gülbahar was Bayezid's blind spot. His love and respect for his mother goes beyond comforting her, defending her, hiding her mistakes and saving her from death, something that Mustafa would be also likely to do - with each event passing, Bayezid also begins to listen to her more and more, becomes convinced of her words that he's born in a middle of a war and sets himself even further against Murat and Kösem. Mustafa, on the other hand, has always been next to Mahidevran in every step of the way, with everyone around him avoiding their separation at all costs, hence he can be much more independent of her perspective. She can only go so far with opposing Mustafa's decisions, he always ends up choosing to do what he sees as right and just, even when his beliefs are challanged. He doesn't let his beliefs to be challanged by anyone. He doesn't want to let his beliefs to be challanged by anyone. He loves his mother deeply and he's also developed a need to protect her at all costs, but that need is based on his awareness of all she has experienced and to prevent her to suffer or worry ever again, not out of missing her whole self, which makes it a need outside of Mustafa's own predicament and decisions.

Mustafa wanting to keep his principles firm originates from his wish to prove himself to his father. Süleiman is Mustafa's blind spot. We see how much he wants to be next to him and have his attention even when he was little and since Mustafa was given a sense of purpose ever since then, too (while Bayezid has been living a life where he didn't yet see the dangers of the world in their fullest extent before Murat's complete downfall and before Gülbahar; he even mentioned to her that he didn't want the throne, even though he was constantly suspected of betraying Murat.), sure he would want to prove himself worthy and follow what SS (and Ibro and Mahi to an extent, too, but especially SS) has taught him when it came to ruling. (like when he chose justice instead of SS's order in E92, which, even though he disobeyed, wouldn't be right or just, since that person was slandered. Musti revealed that he acted like what SS has told him in the past, it being justice is most important.) Even when his father acted against him, Mustafa trusted him blindly, refusing to believe that a father could ever kill his son, even in close probability, no matter what everyone else around him said. (he wrote the letter when Cihangir told him of SS's words in E123, but Musti went to SS anyway, his trust being much stronger than his biggest inkling of suspicion.) He loved him too much, even when he slowly came to realize the growing wedge between them, never succumbing to the temptation to directly rebel against him. (except the kaftan situation, where his trust was directly put into question by a supposed action of his and even then Musti went to merely confront him and die as a warrior if it lead up to this, not kill him, and the trust became stronger than ever afterwards.) Bayezid, on the other hand, always sensed the danger Murat posed in some way, and he realized that no matter how much he proved his loyalty at first and refused drastic action at first, he would always keep suspecting him. Bayezid was allowed to see Murat in his biggest cruelty, at one point, Bayezid didn't see him as fit to rule anymore and was more than ready to dethrone him after an act too cruel by him in Bayezid's eyes. Even when he respected Murat, Bayezid didn't seem to want to prove his worth as much to him or to have gained his principles and beliefs by him and the bond between them wasn't as close, not for Bayezid. The cruelty of the world and Murat's own cruelty grew more and more, hence Bayezid became more open to criticize them and more ruthless, as a result of this. He strived to evade his wrath more than anything. And at one time, there was no turning back now between Murat and Bayezid, which also played a part in his execution.

The way Mustafa views Hürrem and the way Bayezid views Kösem are both very different, too. While I don't feel Mustafa completely hated Hürrem, per say and even in S04, he was rather done with her bullcrap than anything else, he had some resentment for her. He was aware that she played a part in Mahidevran's suffering and sensed that Hürrem giving birth hurts his mother. Still, he knew where the line was: he respected her position as a Sultana and the mother of his brothers, didn't blame her instinctively, didn't fault Cihangir for choosing his own mother in the kaftan sutuation and was willing to listen even in the peak of his resentment. (in E121, where he didn't believe that she wasn't behind the trap.) Bayezid had a more familial bond with Kösem, since she was like a mother to him when his real mother was missing. I feel he appreciated all the care she took for him and even loved her until a point. But once he turned against her, the mutual respect between them was gone completely, with him eventually discarding all she did for him and Kösem disowning him. His resentment for Kösem slowly grew through Gülbahar: the seeds were planted with the letters she was sending to him, which made Bayezid feel he didn't belong, opening a hole in his heart, and then Bayezid being open to listen to Gülbahar more and more with her setting him against both Murat and Kösem. Bayezid tied Kösem to Murat, while in truth, she acted outside of him. Bayezid eventually became convinced that Kösem was a danger. But while circumstances also helped, him standing "on the other side of the war" was bound to break them apart. Bayezid and Kösem already had different goals. The more he sided with Gülbahar's view, the more that cemented their rift. He fully stood against her once she confronted him about him hiding Gülbahar, that made him give up on her to the point he agreed to have her killed in the Eski Saray, since then it would be easier to take down Murat. Despite of Mahidevran's view and experiences, Mustafa's resentment of Hürrem grew because of her own actions: all her attempts to kill him are what made him embittered towards her to the point of him declaring that he won't have mercy on her and Rüstem. He views her actions separately from those of Süleiman- he's aware that she's trying to eliminate him with all her might and that she could maybe involve Süleiman in that, too, but still strives to see a bigger picture. All that is why his actions against her are more defensive than they're offensive and only go so far as to show her her place in some way, not to directly try to kill her, since he regards the feelings of his siblings, too. He sees her and Rüstem as a tandem in S04, but even then he would do actions more against Rüstem than against Hürrem.

I would say that Mustafa has a better relationship with his brothers than Bayezid. He truly loves them a lot and always considers what they have to say, no matter what, but his brothers themselves, even Selim, loved him, too, and never got in conflict with him, expect for the aftermath of him saving Selim from the janissaries, some side scenes with Mehmet when they made amends almost immediately or that one case where they both were little. And he indeed never stops caring about them. I wouldn't say the same for Bayezid, however. While he did share the same affection Mustafa had for his brothers at first, Kasim always had a strained relationship with him and it kept getting more and more strained by each day (even Ibrahim resented him at one point, too). And yes, truly, Bayezid did try to reach out for him many times, Kasim seeing Bayezid and Gülbahar's secret firsthand and the whole Kalika situation sealed things between them to the point of no return. He set himself against Kasim completely, turning out that Gülbahar succeeded to drive the wedge between them. (of course, Mahidevran also had this similar intent, but what I found interesting with her is that, E55 aside, she mostly tried to make Mustafa look at them merely as rivals and in E69 she did tell him that his love for them made her proud regardless; I'm preparing a whole post about comparing Gülbahar and Mahidevran I hope I'll finish some day ahahah) By deciding to take what's rightfully his, Bayezid disregarded his brothers, too. (I understand why he did, but still.) His perspective on them changed just like everything else.

I agree that both Mustafa and Bayezid have a sense of justice, but while Mustafa's justice is based more on morals, principles, nobility, familial bonds and "doing the right thing" in general, Bayezid's justice becomes more "warped". Bayezid sees many injustices done to him or his mother and no matter how much he held back from acting the way his supporters wanted him to, he comes to respond to the injustice with injustice, as well. Or worse yet, he already views the injustice as justice. He perceives leaving his previous, "purer" principles behind as what is right and since he's in a war, he's already ready to do "whatever it takes" to ascend the throne. It's like he restrained himself for too long while reality around him ensued. Mustafa was always aware of this reality, even if deep down inside, even when he was trying to deny it when it came to SS, yet he chose not to leave "his own self" behind. Despite of all the intrigues against him, he responded to the injustice with justice. He held onto this until the end. He held onto this in spite of every opposition or injustice. And yes, both of these approaches were to Mustafa and Bayezid's detriments, respectively, in their distinct circumstances.

Sure, both of Mustafa and Bayezid did "the right thing" prior to their executions (going to SS - choosing not to go to the persian şah as a way out). It was expected for Mustafa, due to his established character and flaws, but for Bayezid it has become the exception - I saw him as more irritated that Gülbahar and Sinan worked behind his back when he told them not to a while ago, but maybe when he didn't succeed to do what he attempted to get on the throne, he decided that he'd rather die, but not run. And his mother's safety was still his first priority, even in death. Even then he didn't exactly realize his mistake, rather that he would be executed for it, since he still acted high and mighty in front of Kösem. Mustafa wasn't really aware of why SS called him in the first place, he wasn't aware of the intrigue with the letter, he didn't know what went wrong, hence he didn't have a true reason to doubt all that, despite of the words of everyone else, so of course he approached the situation like he typically would. It was only Cihangir's words to him where the doubt appeared and he still didn't back down on his decision. Bayezid took a more immediate decision based on curcumstance (with one scene with him ruminating in his chambers), while Mustafa took the decision he usually would. They were both executed by their fathers, but due to different reasons and even before the executions and with their once same foundation as characters, both of them acted differently here.

Though no matter how different they turn out to be in hindsight for me, I still consider MCK Bayezid as a response to MC Mustafa anyway - what MC Mustafa would've been if he let curcumstance influence him and decided to act against his father. (I also did mention in your previous ask about Mustafa that the fandom does tend to view him as MCK Bayezid's exact copy sometimes, but that isn't quite true.) When the crippling realization that your parent could disregard you comes through and you decide not to stand by that and let your survival instinct kick in, after all. Anyhow, I find both of them very interesting to compare and contrast and I love both of their characters, so thanks for giving me the chance to delve into this topic at last. ^^

[jkrobertson]

I was meant to add this in the other question but I forgot 🙃 thank you for answering as well. But do you think if Ulquiorra was still alive that something was bound to happen between him and Orihime ? I think their reunion would’ve been really beautiful and touching. It actually kinda reminds me of Damon and Elena in a way.

Okay... You are pushing me dangerously close to watching Vampire Diaries. I mean first there are all the sexy gifs on the internet, now you're comparing Damon and Elena to ulquihime... I need more free time.

Anyway, what happens if Ulquiorra lives?

Something, that's for sure. The thing that would determine the kind of the relationship between him and Orihime would be the same thing that has one of the greatest effects on any relationship: timing.

(long, rambling explanation under the cut)

If he came back quickly, like before the final arc or even during the time before We Do Knot Always Love You, I feel like it would have strong potential to turn romantic. The earlier he returns, the better the likelihood of success of Ulquihime being a real thing. Why? Well, part of it boils down to Ichigo.

Ichigo is the kind of boy who really has no time for girls. He has no mental energy to waste a thought on them. Sure, he cares for Orihime and has a special place in his heart for her, and he probably has urges and all the natural inclinations of boys who are interested in girls, but he leaves it there. He is busy getting other things done and proving himself to... himself. His kneejerk reaction is to push any concrete thoughts of romance or attraction as far away from his attention as possible.

In an interview in the JET artbook, Kubo mentions that Orihime and Ichigo did not start officially dating until after he graduated from university. I think ichihime is a very sweet and gentle ship, and once Ichigo makes his move at the end of We Do Know Always Love You, Orihime is kind of locked in on him. So Ulquiorra has until then to make his move.

So that explains Ulquiorra's window of opportunity. Now I want to talk about Orihime, prefacing this by making it clear that I really do believe that Orihime loves Ichigo in a real and pure way. Even if nothing romantic ever came to fruition between them, she would still love him. She would just adjust her expectations to be satisfied with whatever he was willing to offer her. If that means all he was ever willing to offer her was friendship, she would take it and take the necessary steps to adjust her expectations to conform to his boundaries. That's just part of growing up.

What we haven't talked about is how Orihime would change based on different circumstances than those set forth in canon.

So imagine, Orihime is quietly biding her time, patiently waiting for Ichigo to realize what his dick is for, and otherwise building stronger friendships between herself, him, and their supercool sidekicks. She's strengthening her powers, learning a lot about herself, and gaining self-confidence. She's having fun and saving the world. Her plate is pretty full.

Despite all this fulfilling growth, Orihime still faces a deep, overwhelming struggle with loneliness. She has grown up abused and neglected. Her darkest traumas have less to do with hollows and more to do with knowing her parents never loved her. She will always have anxiety gnawing at her, which won't be blunted until she feels like she has the kind of love that lasts forever.

Now, of course, she has her hopes pinned on good ol' Kurosaki-kun for this purpose, but that doesn't mean that no one could ever take his place. Also, I don't for one minute believe that Orihime is so pure of heart and innocent of mind that she doesn't think about sex and love (which she sees as two inseparable sides of the same coin insofar as it relates to her) any less than a typical teenager. To the contrary, I think she is probably more curious about it than most of her peers, in large part because of her trauma.

However, Orihime has not gotten to where she is - top three in her class, healthy, and maintaining her own household as a teenager on a small budget - if she wasn't mature and world-wise for her age. She doesn't always come across that way, but she knows how to manage her needs and wants. She also knows how to keep a healthy distance between herself and those who might want to take advantage of her, because, let's face it, she could be a very easy target.

This is why, in Bleach canon, no one ever got between her and Ichigo. Because although she had a lot of admirers, none of them were worth her consideration. None of them had history with her. None of them understood her special powers. None of them knew her weaknesses and traumas. Only her small circle of supernatural besties knew her well enough and had enough of her trust to consider a relationship with, and of those three boys, Orihime was only attracted to Ichigo. Besides, Ishida and Chad would never think to get in between Orihime and Ichigo.

But Ulquiorra would.

If he returned, he would need her. He would provide her with the attention she craves and the fascination that gives her the confidence she would need to turn her attention away from Ichigo. She would not be able to deny that she and Ulquiorra share a strength of connection on par with that of her and her nakama.

She would hesitate for a only a moment before deciding to do whatever she could to assist Ulquiorra in adjusting to his new life. It would be a very significant reunion, initially, but then reality would creep in.

Ulquiorra requires work to find a place in his new reality. Orihime is not afraid of hard work, but undertaking Ulquiorra's rehabilitation would not be all sunshine and roses. He doesn't just follow her advice like some kind of lost puppy, either. He can be stubborn and confrontational. She would be forced to examine and explain things she takes for granted.

This process would make her question much of her previous beliefs, just as he questioned his beliefs about the heart when they were together in Hueco Mundo. He would make her feel like she had value in her ability to teach him things about the world.

Although he would not bicker or put her down for sport, he would frustrate and challenge her. He would make her assert herself. It would reignite the chemistry between them that she was too terrified in Hueco Mundo to recognize.

Orihime would focus on Ulquiorra so much that she would not notice her attention drifting away from Ichigo until it was too late. By that time, she would realize that Ichigo is not the be-all-end-all romantic target she had previously thought.

When she eventually realizes she is attracted to Ulquiorra, it would not be a spark, it would be spontaneous combustion. They wouldn't spend a lot of time being cute and flirting and wooing one another. She would realize that she wants him, and it would happen pretty fast. I feel like either she would make a first tentative move and he would reciprocate, or it would just be like a mutual realization and he would make a move and she would just melt into it and match his energy.

I think both Orihime and Ulquiorra don't really have a clear idea of love and sex as separate concepts. She would conflate the two as one thing, and he really doesn't conceptualize either of them, rather just experiences them and then later accepts them as a singular expression. Their relationship would be very, very physical. Over time they would both start to appreciate the more delicate and complex flavors of both love and sex, and would begin to enjoy just being affectionate and quiet companionship and all the other lovely parts of being in a relationship.

I think that if they were able to reproduce, they would find themselves relatively young parents, because they can't keep their hands to themselves and would let passion carry them away in the heat of the moment. Ulquiorra would be obnoxiously proud to have successfully made a new life with "the woman".

I could go on and on and on about these two. I'll stop here for now, but feel free to ask anything else!

[kicksaddictny]

Kicksaddict Sneakerhead PROFILES Interview Series: @CakedaGawd

After a long Hiatus, we’ve returned! Our popular Profile series has been requested almost on a daily basis (Thanks for the tweets, dms and emails). We were even threatened! (Thanks by the way).

Cake The Gawd! This one was so much fun. Tap in.

Where are you from? Brooklyn, NY born in Crown Heights raised in East Flatbush.

How long have you been collecting sneakers? I was introduced to sneakers in 1991 but I started collecting for myself in 98.

What’s your favorite sneaker and why? Air Jordan 6 Infrared. It's the shoe Michael was wearing when he won his first championship, and to me just it’s just the most beautiful Jordan shoe to date! The silhouette is unmatched, it is timeless, and no matter how many times it is retroed I will buy it!

Besides your hometown, what is the best city for sneakerheads that you know of? Why? I would say LA 100% !! It is a vibe out there. I am part of a sneaker group and 75% of the people in there are from LA. They really about the culture they know their shit and they are fresh as fuck too.

Do you collect just for collecting or do you collect and rock? I collect and rock. That is why I double up on certain shoes.. Some kicks you gotta have for store and show but some you just have to rock them!

What sneaker got you into the sneaker game? I cannot pinpoint one thing, it is so many things. It was Music, my parents introducing me to Nike, my older cousin, basketball, the dope boys around the way, and my 3rd grade crush and her cousin who both had Aqua 8's. (LOL) I cannot just say 1 thing because they all had a significant part in it.

What are your thoughts on these fake celebrity sneakerheads? I hate them all! All of these dudes just get perks, some of them do not even know the shoes. That shit really gets under my skin. Showing off shoes that they get and not even knowing the name or numbers of the shoes, creating their own names. Shit is sickening. S/O to the Sneaker Gawd Wale !

How do you feel about the Off white collabs? I liked the first round of the collabs. With the Presto's, Air maxes, Blazers, and Jordan 1's. I think after that it should've been left alone. But I can respect what they are doing over there. I just won my first pair of Off-White's with the Lot 50 joint.

If you could wear only one sneaker for the rest of your life, what would it be? Air Jordan 3 Black Cement. Yes 6's are my favorite of all time but the Black Cement 3's just go with EVERYTHING!

What advice would you give as far as storing and preservation of your sneakers? Wear your kicks man. I store and rock! I get it, wanting to save shoes but putting them away and never rocking them, when you finally do ya it’s separating and crumbling. In order for your kicks to last they gotta be worn anyway. Unless you're truly just on some collecting only for show vibes.

What is the most you’ve ever spent on a pair of sneakers? $900... I was able to land Black and Red and Royal 1's from 2001 together. A friend of mine had them and said he couldn't think of anyone else. I had literally just started my new job. A chunk of my first check went to that pick up.

Have you ever waited in line for a pair of kicks? I waited in line once in my life for shoes and swore I would never do it again. It was for the 2001 True Blue 3's. I waited online at like 7 in the morning at Kings Plaza. LMAO I said this will never happen again. I didn't have the patience for it. I do not know how ppl used to do that shit or camp for kicks. I was there for 1 hour and I was like this is ridiculous.

You're also a photographer, how long have you been taking photos? I have been taking photos since 2011 but officially became a photographer in 2013.

How do sneakers play a role in your photography? That is a great question because I didn't want the 2 to mix at all. Because I'm a scenery and landscape photographer. But I got into photography because of sneakers. No offense to anyone but a bunch of these  "influencers" get on IG with their DSLR cameras, take some on foot shots and call themselves "Photographers". 90% of them do not even understand lighting. I didn't wanna be one of those guys because I actually live this and study it. But recently I just started letting it be that and owning it. I am nice with this photography shit when it comes to sneakers. I have a deep connection with shoes and I love incorporating that into my art. I thank my wife for that. I told her I don't wanna be just another sneaker photographer and she said to me who said you have to be ?! I took that and ran with it. Off-White just recently featured some of my pictures on their Instagram.

I remember you saying you're a sneaker enthusiast, what is the difference between that and a sneakerhead? An enthusiast really studies sneakers. Sneakerheads just love sneakers like it ain't really about the history and all that for them. They just love shoes because it is cool and makes them feel good. Us Enthusiasts are invested. Things matter like knowing years of a shoe. For example, an enthusiast would look at a pair of Jordan's like Taxi 12's, We know Michael wore those in the 1996 - 97 season, but we also know that Martin gave away a pair on his show for the Christmas episode to the kid who had holes in shoes. They are tied to iconic moments. A sneakerhead may love Bordeaux 7's because they are dope looking shoes. Where for me it's that Michael Jordan wore those in a video with Michael Jackson and Kris Kross in the 92 Jam video. MJ and MJ in a video with Kris Kross, do you know what that did to my childhood?! Give you one more example that is not even Michael Jordan related. Piggy backing off of Kris Kross,The Patrick Ewing’s were one of my favorite kicks growing up besides seeing Pat play in them one of my favorite Hip Hop covers of all time is "Totally Krossed Out" and Kris Kross is wearing both colorways. So you see what I mean there is so much tied to it with being an enthusiast. This is just my opinion though some may not agree so don't shoot me! (Ha)

From the time you started collecting up until now, would you say that the sneaker game changed for the best or the worst? I have been collecting for 20 plus years now. I have seen the game at it's best, I have seen it die, I have seen it revive, and now I am witnessing the death of it again. The sneaker game is disgusting right now, and I honestly do not think it will ever recover. It really saddens me. It is a popularity and money contest right now.

Does pricing affect your collection? Hell No! And I hate that some people are trying to make this the norm. IDGAF if you paid $500 - $2000 for a pair, It doesn't mean shit.  The narrative is getting outta hand.

What does the word “Hypebeast” mean to you? Hypebeast is a person that only buys shit for status and popularity. They cannot form their own opinion about shit. They have to wear and cop items based on what every celeb is wearing or whatever these Social Media "Influencers" are saying is hot! It is not only sneaker related either. N*ggaz were hypebeasting for PS5 last year..

What are your thoughts on the females in the sneaker game? They are the best! I wish we had a Sneaker union and it was only run by females! The men in this game are annoying and so over the top. It is so bad that they feel the need to compete with women. The men get shoes just to show off to one another. Like what type of shit is that? The females are cool. I had a dude on twitter tell me women don't know the value of a shoe let alone about the shoe. The men feel like they always gotta try to shit on the women. The women are just trying to be part of the culture and enjoy it. And they shouldn't have to try to be part of something that is open to anyone who is willing to be invested and understand the culture.

Any advice for a young kid coming up in the sneaker game? Wear what you like! Respect the game and the people who have been doing it before you. Because this new generation of sneakerheads are little entitled dicks. No respect whatsoever!! I don't care about Travis Scott shoes. Without Jordan being who he is Travis wouldn't have a Jordan silhouette to collaborate with! Same with Off-White. These silhouettes were here before these guys. Say know your history and pay homage!! BUT STAY humble.

See I follow you and I'm loving the way you include your daughter in your work, what does that mean to you? Man, it is beautiful!!!! Without even trying she is invested in the culture. Both photography and shoes. Myself and my wife are both heavy into photography, art, music, sneakers, and clothes. My daughter is into all the same things but we are letting it be her own experience. We are not forcing anything on her. We want her to enjoy being a child and whatever things she picks up from us along the way is just a bonus. But I love shooting her, and I love when she asks myself and her mother "do we like her fit". It is truly a blessing man!

All photos by CAKEDAGAWD

Follow : https://twitter.com/CakedaGawd 

https://www.instagram.com/whatsinthesyrup/

[alittlewhump]

Unbidden - Act 3, chapter 9

Masterlist | Previous | Next

Content warnings: minor burn, brief and non-specific self harm mention

Telash was a challenge. He had insisted on speaking with Morgan directly, despite Phaedra issuing him an invitation to the demonstration she was giving. He was also impatient. Eager, Morgan corrected himself. Eager to learn and improve. It just put him in a difficult situation, trying to teach something he knew so very little about to a student who wanted to have already mastered it.

"This isn't going anywhere."

"I told you, I didn't actually teach her anything. We just talked."

"She told me you taught her something new while I was trying to help your frigid friend relax a little. How did you ever get on her good side anyway? Does she just have a soft spot for freaks?" Telash was making a face like he'd smelled something unpleasant. Morgan ignored it.

"I really don't know. Aside from the element, do you have any idea how your magic works in comparison to Phaedra's?"

Telash looked displeased. "No. Well, sort of. I mean, obviously fire and lightning are different. She can be flashier because lightning takes a lot less to sustain. It doesn't need fuel to keep going. But I can do a lot more damage in a single shot."

"How do you fuel it?"

"What kind of question is that? Magic fire uses magic as fuel. Don't you know anything?"

"Not very much," Morgan replied. That was interesting, though. It was starting to sound like this magic was closer to his own. "How does that work? Does it still need air?"

"It can't be smothered, but it won't work underwater or anything stupid like that."

"Can you manipulate the fuel separately before lighting it, or is it all one action?"

"Haven't you noticed the gestures I use?"

Those were in the list of things to ask about. "What is their purpose?"

"They focus the energy before I activate it," Telash sneered. Again, closer to Morgan's experience. His were more of a mnemonic than anything, helping to visualize the flow of magic when it couldn't be seen, rather than actually shaping it. He hadn't relied on the gestures in some time, having been using it often enough to develop a feel for it instead.

"And you can't focus it in - oh, it's a problem of strength," Morgan realized aloud. Telash's sneer turned into more of a snarl. "You're too strong," Morgan clarified quickly. "The glass can't withstand the power you're trying to put into it. You need to use a more suitable container."

"I want to use glass."

"Then you'll need to find some very thick glass and be very delicate. Why does it have to be glass?"

Telash was frowning, apparently not pleased with the assessment he'd received. "Phaedra uses glass. Can't compare the results otherwise. How is everyone going to know I beat her at this?"

"You are capable of very different things," Morgan said. "Phaedra originally wanted to try to move the earth as I do. I don't think that goal is compatible with her magic."

Telash perked up. "What about mine?"

"Maybe. It sounds like it's closer to what I have."

"Well, show me how to do that," Telash said, grinning. "Bet I can do it, easy. It can't be that hard."

It seemed to be harder than Telash anticipated. He was persistent, throwing himself into the work and trying until his skin shone with sweat. His magic was... not faster, exactly, Morgan could raise a golem in just a few seconds by now. But it didn't seem to want to stay put. Several little furrows in the ground marked failed attempts where Telash had managed to channel his energy into the earth, but not to concentrate it there.

"You have to hold it," Morgan advised.

"I'm trying to hold it," Telash growled, flinging one hand out to point in Morgan's direction. He ducked under the weak jet of flame that spurted toward him. This was just how the other man communicated, evidently.

"It might be easier for you to... hold on, let me demonstrate something." Telash dropped his hands and sat down, breathing hard, but the glare he aimed at Morgan wasn't that deep. He waved one hand in a 'get on with it' sort of motion.

Morgan raised a simple sphere of earth, about the size of a person's head. "This is one way to make a shape. All at once. It's what I find easiest." Next to it, he set about constructing another sphere, this time using a different approach. A strip of earth rose up and curled around itself until the shape was achieved. Telash watched with interest. "This is another way," Morgan explained. "You get the same shape, but you put it together differently. It's harder for me, but it might be easier for you because of the way everything keeps moving."

"It makes more sense that way anyway," Telash said. "You build by starting with a foundation. Should have started with that instead of wasting my time."

Morgan refrained from commenting. People like Telash didn't tend to appreciate being reminded that their difficulties were their own doing. Instead of defending himself, he decided to offer some additional advice.

"When you've caught your breath, you might want to try again from down there. It's-"

"Down there," Telash snorted. "Because you're all the way up there now, aren't you, small fry? Enjoy that while you can."

"It's easier if you're touching the earth directly," Morgan continued. "You don't have to push the energy through the air first that way. It's one less obstacle."

"Air isn't much of an obstacle," Telash grumbled, but leaned forward anyway, placing his open palms on the ground in front of him.

"Try to imagine it like water. Pour it out into the earth, give it a moment to soak in, then move them together once they've joined."

Telash muttered something about water under his breath as he turned his attention to the earth in front of him. Despite his complaining, he seemed to be taking the advice well enough. The ground twitched a little between his hands. He breathed out slowly, and a small hill formed. With another few controlled breaths, a hollow sphere gained shape at the tip of the hill.

"That's very good," Morgan said. Personal attitude notwithstanding, it was impressive that he'd managed to make so much progress so quickly. It certainly hadn't come this easily to Morgan, though with consistent practice it had been getting considerably easier. "You can think of that shape as a container to hold some of your energy. It takes some power to maintain the shape, but it's proportional to the size. It takes more energy to move or change a shape once you've established it."

"Shut up for a minute. I'm figuring it out."

Morgan watched instead. Telash was intensely focused. The orb wobbled, then rolled unevenly down its little hill. Based on the way it moved, it looked like he'd added some extra weight in one spot to achieve the movement. Difficult to control with precision, but it was something. It rolled in a loose, jerky circle. Morgan stepped back out of its path. Telash made an annoyed grunt and the sphere slowly reversed its course to tap against the toe of Morgan's boot. He looked at the other mage for a cue and found him smirking.

"Go ahead, pick it up."

He couldn't imagine the purpose, but Morgan knelt to pick up the orb anyway. It was another opportunity to practice with the golem arm, at least. He manipulated it carefully, mindful that the sphere was likely fairly delicate. If he concentrated, he could feel the slight imbalance in its weight that had allowed it to move. The arm suddenly came alive with a warning, just as it had done with the bottled lightning. Morgan frowned. He'd already been handling the orb for several seconds. There hadn't been a delay previously. What was different?

His answer came in the form of the sphere bursting into flame. Morgan yelped in surprise, the shock again slowing his reaction. Telash had already started laughing before he managed to drop the orb. It wasn't painful, exactly, not like the burn he'd gotten on the wrist of his good hand that first evening, but the way the golem conveyed we are damaged was thoroughly disconcerting.

"Figured out how to hold it," Telash said, looking very satisfied with himself.

"Very impressive," Morgan said. He brought the damaged hand up to take a better look, running the pad of his other thumb along the scorched part. There was no bleeding or swelling, and luckily no sickening smell of burning flesh, but the texture of the construct was interrupted and the continuous warning that it/he/they were damaged was making it difficult to think about anything else.

Repair, Morgan suggested. It was generally much more straightforward to create a new golem than to fix an existing one. He'd tried with moderate success recently, though, managing to extend the utility of a construct that he'd combined with a cold-enchanted mace. It had been pleasant to stand near the gentle waves of cold that had rolled off of it.

This was something almost entirely different. He grimaced as the golem drew a substantial amount of power from him all at once, making his breath catch in his throat. The shadows grew deep, leaping up momentarily at the edges of his vision. But although it set his heart to pounding, the golem carried out the repair quickly and the sense of alarm faded away as he ran his thumb over the newly smoothed skin. A strange aching sensation lingered at the site of the damage. Clearly it wasn't an ideal solution, but it could have been much worse.

"Don't be such a baby about it," Telash said. "Here, take this if you can't even handle a little burn." He produced a vial of reddish liquid from somewhere within the folds of his robes. Morgan was reminded of the last time Telash had offered him a potion. That hadn't gone particularly well.

"I appreciate the offer," he said carefully, "but no thank you. I don't-"

"What the hell is wrong with you? I'm trying to be considerate here. You don't trust me?"

"You did just light my hand on fire," Morgan pointed out.

"And now I'm giving you a potion to fix it, so what's the problem? You think I'm trying to poison you or something?"

"Trust is not the issue. I just don't... respond well to potions." Upon consideration, he actually didn't trust Telash not to poison him. But that hadn't been the basis for his refusal, so it wasn't really a lie.

"I knew it," Telash said, withdrawing the proffered vial with a calculating look. "All those weird scars, like Khaleel used to have. Got yourself hooked on the good stuff, did you? Find it doesn't work the same as it used to?"

"Something like that." Morgan hadn't met anyone by that name, but he had no desire to elaborate on his own situation. Hopefully Telash would accept the vague answer and move on.

"Should have said something sooner. I do know how to play nice; I'm not a monster."

"Phaedra thought you would learn quickly, but I didn't expect this kind of speed. It takes most acolytes at least a full day to reach a complete form like that." To be fair, most acolytes weren't active mages before they started training in geomancy. But that detail wasn't conducive to changing the subject, so Morgan didn't mention it.

Telash perked up. "Phaedra said that?"

Morgan wanted to wrap up the impromptu lesson. There was little chance that Phaedra's demonstration was still taking place, but he did want to more thoroughly examine the repair his arm had achieved. He had intended to flatter Telash enough to satisfy his ego, but he'd seized on the other part of the statement instead. This could still be workable, though.

"Yes. Reluctantly," he added, hoping to play on the man's apparent propensity for conflict. An expression he was beginning to recognize as determination settled on Telash's features.

"I'm going to rub it in her face," he declared. "One night, and I've already come this far. She's going to be furious." He sounded delighted at the prospect. "How far away can you be, before you can't control it any more?"

"That's a personal limit. Your answer will differ from mine." It would also depend on a number of other factors, but explaining those would both delay his departure and likely leave him annoyed.

"Fine, I'll figure it out on my own. Basically what I've been doing all night anyway." He stifled a yawn. "I might as well keep going in private, if you aren't going to be any help."

"I have been as much help as I can."

"Sure," Telash said, getting to his feet. He stared at Morgan for a couple of seconds, apparently coming to some sort of decision. "Thanks," he said finally, turning away. "I'll try to remember about your delicate condition," he added over his shoulder. "No promises, though."

"Thank you," Morgan said, watching him go. He still wouldn't be able to let his guard down, but it was a larger concession than he'd expected. Once the other mage was well out of sight, Morgan took stock of himself. It seemed the repair had been fairly costly. His energy was recovering nicely, but there were physical symptoms indicating that he would need to eat something sooner rather than later. That was unfortunate.

A lot had happened in the space of a single day, much of it interpersonal. Although it might be easier to beg a helping from whatever the communal meal had been, Morgan was nearing the limits of his tolerance for interaction. He set out into the jungle instead. There had been a small grove of fruit-bearing trees not too far to the northeast, nutrient-dense and easy enough to harvest. Then he could probably fit in another hour or two concentrating on his arm before having to rest for another day's work.

He crossed paths briefly with Ormus on his way out of the protected zone. They nodded a greeting to one another as they passed. Ormus took a few more steps, then stopped and turned slowly, an expression that looked like disbelief coming over his face as he lifted his torch for more light. His eyes were fixed on the golem arm as he stepped back towards him. Morgan lifted the arm, carefully bending the elbow to position the forearm for closer inspection. Ormus stared for a long moment, but made no motion to touch or otherwise examine it more closely. Finally, he shook his head with a chuckle.

"And they call me crazy." He showed all his teeth as he laughed, turning back to continue his journey. A reasonably positive reaction overall, Morgan decided, especially with the misgivings he had communicated earlier. He allowed himself a brief smile before he extinguished the growing spark of pride. That was a deceptively dangerous emotion, one he couldn't allow to cloud his judgment. It wouldn't do to lose focus now. They were getting close to their goal, and he was going to need to concentrate on the task at hand. Destroying Mephisto, or otherwise preventing the Prime Evils from uniting, was going to be a challenge. One he would be better equipped to face, now, but still far from easy.

[bridgyrose]

May I ask for another sequel based on your post with Summer losing her cool on RWBYJ, please? Summer returns to check on RWBYJ, but runs into Blake and Weiss. After noticing that they're struggling, she offers to give advice. Blake explains with her past with the White Fang, while Weiss details her father's abuse of power. Summer nods and convinces them they are not the White Fang or Jacques. They are the best friends of her daughters. Succeeding with helping the two, Summer leaves with a smile.

Summer wasnt sure what it was that kept bringing her over to the kids to keep an eye on them. Maybe it was the fact that they all reminded her of her old team, or maybe it was just her parental instincts wanting to keep an eye on her daughters and their friends. Either way, she found herself, once again, watching over the kids from afar. Even after a couple weeks, everyone still seemed separated. Ruby and Jaune still seemed to keep their distance from everyone, Yang seemed to be the only one trying to keep everyone together, but even then, her efforts seemed lacking. Even Blake and Weiss seemed to be on their own more often than with anyone else during the day, but at night, they both stayed close to their partners, trying to keep them some sort of comfort. 

Slowly, Summer started descending from the tree she was on, making her way to the camp to talk to the kids once more, hoping to make their team whole again if they ever wanted to leave in one piece. At least until she heard someone yelling from the jungle. 

“Get away from me!” 

Summer quickly made her way to the yelling, stopping when she saw Blake and Weiss standing back to back, weapons drawn. She slowly stepped forward. “You both need to relax.” 

Blake frowned, taking a swing at the air in front of her. “I wont let them haunt me anymore!” 

“And I refuse to let him control me any longer!” A glyph started to appear in front of Weiss, fizzling out quickly. 

“This island preys on your insecurities, on things you fear. You both need to relax or you’re going to hurt someone.” 

Blake kept her weapon drawn, looking around her and seeing various members of the White Fang surrounding her. She watched as a maskless Adam stepped forward, blood still staining his front. Her heart skipped a beat as she started to shake, each member unmasking themself and showing her face. 

The figure of Adam stepped closer, grinning a bit. “You still arent rid of me, are you? Still holding me close to your heart like you did in the past. You know you cant let go of what he used to have.” 

“N-no, that’s not… that’s not me anymore…” 

Weiss slowly started to shake as well, watching as her father twisted forms in front of her, immediately becoming an armagigas towering above her. “I wont let you control me anymore. This life is mine now. Not yours to toy with.” 

Summer reached the two girls, placing a hand on each of their shoulders. “Weiss. Blake. What you’re seeing isnt real. You have to focus on my voice. You need to calm down.” 

Both girls took a few deep breaths, watching as the figures around them started to disappear. Blake dropped to her knees, shaking and holding back a few tears while Weiss dropped her rapier. 

“I… I saw Adam… and the White fang again… I really am no better than they are.” Blake wiped a couple stray tears from her eyes. “I’ve done nothing but hurt all of those around me.” 

“I refuse to let him control me any longer.” Weiss walked over to a tree, leaning against it as her legs shook. “Father made sure I knew well what my place was. I was just a back up to Winter, never fully wanted, always controlled to keep the Schnee image sound. Never allowed to express myself.” 

Summer listened to both girls, sitting down on a fallen tree. “I know it might not mean much, but I could offer you both a little advice.” 

“What advice could you give to an ex-terrorist?” 

“Or to an ex-heiress with an abusive father?” 

“Probably not much,” replied Summer. “Although, these are things you’re both going to have to face while here. It may surprise you both, but a couple of my teammates were both bandits. You remind me a lot of Qrow and Raven, Blake.” 

Blake hesitated for a moment before looking up to Summer. “But if they were bandits, why were you on a team with them?” 

“Probably for the same reason you ended up on a team with my daughters: because you were trying to change.” 

Blake looked down to the ground, letting out a sigh. “You could say that.” 

“And while I may not have experience about being an heiress, I know Ruby and Yang care about you, Weiss.” 

“That’s… not the issue…” Weiss sat down and sighed. “I’m worried I’m becoming the same kind of person my father was. Even though Ruby and Yang have helped me change a bit.” 

“And you arent him,” reassured Summer. “Just like Blake isnt the White Fang. Both of you have your own lives still ahead of you, and I’m sure you’ll be battling who you used to be for a long time. However, something that can make everything easier is just remembering that you’re different now. You both have grown in different ways and need to remember that you’re the sum of all of your experiences, not just your past or who you’ve been with.” 

Blake and Weiss both sat for a bit, taking in everything Summer had told them. She was right, neither of them are who they used to be when they first started Beacon, or even the years before that. And both of them had changed for the better, even if it was a struggle to do so. 

Summer continued. “And I know Ruby and Yang are glad to have both of you around them. Just like I was happy to have Qrow and Raven by my side.” 

Blake stood up and nodded. “We’ll keep that in mind.” 

Weiss looked up to the sky, watching as the two suns started to set. “Looks like its going to be getting dark soon.” 

Summer smiled at the two before getting up herself and heading back to her tree. “Then you should get back to the rest of your friends. And when you get the chance, please remind Ruby and Yang that they need you just as much as you need them.” 

[bluecoloreddreams]

(Disclaimer: this contains spoilers for the Fruits Basket and Fruits Basket: Another manga, as well as taking into consideration tidbits from Takaya’s twitter.) 

So, okay, first of all we have to address the YMMV aspect: Some people don’t like this ship. As long as they’re respectful, I have no beef with that. I’m well aware that some people cannot/choose not to make the distinction between “real life” and “fiction”— I have the luxury of this choice, so some of the “problematic” ships/character aspects within Furuba don’t bother me (for the most part). It’s fiction, and I’m aware of this.  

Again, some people cannot/do not make this distinction, and that’s none of my business because that’s their personal life. I’m aware that people dislike aspects of Akigure, and that’s fine. 

Personally? I’ve been reading Furuba since like, basically the dawn of time. I was reading scans on, like,  MSN groups. I remember a friend at church (of all places) telling me about the Akito reveal because I was behind on updates. It’s literally engrained upon my shipping heart at this point. 

(Headcanons ahoy! Like literally, this is all headcanon/my perspective on the series as a whole. YMMV/YKINMK/Dead Dove, the whole works, if you know you know

YES I wrote it like it’s an actual research paper because I have No Chill At All, please forgive me. It’s long and pretty rambling.) 

Addressing the first elephant in the room: Given my limited interactions with the fandom, my impression of Akigure from a generalized fan POV is that it’s pretty divisive. Every episode she comes up there are “I hate this kid” comments and I cry

Akito is a favorite of mine, and it’s impossible for anime-only’s to make a deep, informed call on her character. On the other hand, a lot of manga-readers dislike her too. 

So, why am I talking about whether or not people like Akito as a character? 

I’m of the opinion that it impacts people’s ability to view her character arc as one that deserves a happy ending. That she doesn’t deserve to have love, happiness, or forgiveness, all of which are given to her when she and Shigure finally end up together on equal footing. (Do I think the way it’s rushed in the original Furuba ending? Yeah, but hey. Sensei had like a huge ensemble cast to wrap ends on. Now there’s Furubana to look to and it’s just chef’s kiss.)

There’s a mental aspect in this, involving the dichotomy between “reality” and “fiction”. 

There is absolutely zero argument that are a lot of things that Akito does that uh, listen, if it was IRL she’d be in jail! Jail for terror baby! Jail for life! 

Fortunately, Fruits Basket is a work of fiction. These characters aren’t real, they’re idealized brushstrokes of human nature created to move a plot and a message along. 

That’s why Akito and Shigure work as a couple and as characters: 

They’re both incredibly deep characters that get passed off as one-dimensional by a lot of people (and the original anime, woof). Some of it is again, because anime-only fans just don’t have the whole story, since Akito’s arc is one that builds gradually until it hits a point where all hell breaks loose, which we are a ways away from. 

So what’s the message that their relationship and characters are supposed to pass on? 

Well, it breaks down into two categories: world building and thematic arcs. The latter is more important and what I’ll be focusing on, while the former is just a little spice that I, personally enjoy, and won’t really talk about in depth. (It’s that the magical realism in Furuba sets up the idea of soulmates, it’s just…. Something I enjoy and it’s really heacanony, so I can’t really justify spending more words on it!) 

When discussing Fruits Baskets in any capacity, I feel like we must first keep in mind the thematic “lessons” of the series: 

There is an inherent loneliness in living as a human being, since loss, grief, and hurt are indelible parts of the human experience, and learning to cope with these feelings in a compassionate manner is a life-long lesson 

People react differently to the loneliness of existence, and their reactions are based upon their personalities, their upbringings, and their own choices 

Everyone is capable of change and learning, if they choose to do so, however: 

Personal agency is taught, but in the vacuum of positive reinforcement, the ability of a person to choose to be compassionate is stifled or outright inaccessible

Therefore, if you are not taught to deal with your grief and existence outside of others, your ability to connect may become warped, manipulative, or abusive, and this is not the fault of the child but instead the parental figure 

Eventually, you will be aware of your actions, and then it is your burden to choose—some people do not take this choice (the head maid, Ren, Kyo’s bio dad, Rin’s parents, Sawa’s mother in Furubana)  

Abuse has long lasting effects on the psyche and can be physical, emotional, and/or mental in nature and must be dealt with in order to grow as a person

“Dealt with” does not mean that it goes away, but that it is acknowledged and given a positive outlet (Yuki’s garden, Aaya’s shop, Rin’s art, Momiji’s violin playing)

Forgiveness is not linear

Forgiving yourself is a long and arduous process, and happens independent of other people’s forgiveness

This is really brought to the forefront in Fruits Basket: Another, when Shiki talks about how his mother interacts with the rest of the Sohma family. It’s shown she’s done what she can to make amends, but recognizes that while she can individually hold relationships with certain family members, as a whole, it's best if she allows them to be away from her. 

This is a whole tangent on its own, but there’s a certain blanket of casual forgiveness given to Akito by the entirety of the shown Zodiac in Furubana, in that they trust that she’s raised a kind and thoughtful son and allow him the grace of his own family. 

Again, in Takaya’s tweets post-series that acknowledges that Akito’s friends with Uo-chan, despite her relationship with Kureno (and it shows a depth of awareness on Kureno’s part that he stays away

People flourish in environments where love and positive reinforcement is given freely, even when people are in the wrong

This doesn’t mean that no one is ever scolded: see Komaki and Kakeru, Kisa and Hiro, Hatori chews out Shigure all the time, but never ceases being his confidant 

So okay, that’s A Lot. But every single character in Furuba follows these themes in their own manner, because the series is about healing and learning how to heal from abuse, neglect, and isolation. Someone’s gonna have to be doing it. Point blank, the end, to tell a story there must be conflict, and boy howdy, there’s a lot of conflict in Furuba. Every personal thematic arc in the series ends up tying into a romantic one, because Furuba is a romcom drama. 

There’s a loop that goes “personal betterment”->”crush”/”friendship”->”conflict”->”personal growth”/”relationship growth” in the series for every character. That’s the bread and butter of Furuba. 

But anyway. To the question: 

I love them because they work, they’re both their own people with their own narrative focuses, motivations, conflicts, and flaws. Both Shigure and Akito are believable in their own right in the context of Furuba, and I think Takaya did wonderfully in crafting a story where their personalities mesh well and give each other reasons to better themselves.

To talk about them together, you have to talk about them separately. 

I’m gonna start with Shigure because, truthfully? 

I just want to lament about how often he’s simply passed off as either comic relief or absolute trash. He’s so underestimated! 

“He’s a joke of a grown man… He is reliable and I trust him.” (Another, v. 3)

He’s incredibly intelligent when it comes to interpersonal relationships, which is why he’s able to do what he does. He’s also incredibly kind—no one made him take in Yuki or Kyo or Tohru. He could have just went “ah, I’d prefer not to” and moved on. But he didn’t, made up some bullshit so Haru would feel like taking in Yuki was a transaction, and let me just tell you, I am the same age as Shigure and if you gave ME three teenagers to be the guardian of?! It would be a full on disaster.

He’s actually incredibly trustworthy (if he wants to be), insightful, and a genuinely good guardian despite his jokes and wisecracking. 

He forced Kyo to go back to school, knowing full well it would be good for him. He lets a whole host of children run rampant through his home. Kids who actually enjoy his presence. He’s shown as having a good familial relationship with Rin (who tries to warp that for her own means), Kisa, Haru, and Momiji. His advice to Tohru is genuine, insightful, and ridiculously helpful. 

Shigure is good with people. He gets up at the crack of dawn to drive Shiki to see Sawa in Furubana. He’s who Mutsuki and Hajime immediately go “holy shit you need to do something about this” to when they find out Shiki’s getting nasty notes about Akito. He’s who Shiki goes to when Sawa fell down the stairs as a child. As much as Shiki and the others make fun of Shigure, he’s obviously someone who’s trustworthy. And that’s not some new development, he’s always been trustworthy in regards to those he loves. No one asked him to show up to Tohru’s teacher conference, he volunteered. Like this dude loves people, he’s the dog spirit after all, and rightly so. 

Does he have his own motivations? Of course! But so does everyone else in Furuba. He’s a complex character, man! 

He laughs and jokes a lot because he’s projecting this image of a laid back, doofus. When you think about who he’s friends with, the whole middling goofball act makes a lot of sense. Just like some of Ayame’s over the top behavior is a defense mechanism, I believe that Shigure casts himself as a generally unappealing man to keep himself safe from advances when he was in school, but also to temper the wildly unequal personalities of his other two friends. He’s the sort of person who would just go “eh, whatever makes it easy”, and that’s just how he is. 

He doesn’t mean the creepy school girl thing, it’s a bit and I think the only people who don’t realize he’s running a bit are Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru who are absolutely too stupid to realize he’s playing them for reactions. He thinks it’s funny. 

Anyway:

When the older Zodiac had the dream of Shigure, Shigure is the only one who made the active choice to seek out that feeling. His soul was touched, and he decided that he wanted that and only that. This doesn’t necessarily mean he went full Jacob from Breaking Dawn, but it does mean he acknowledged there was a bond, and he wanted it. 

When you get into the technicalities of the curse, it’s mentioned that their Zodiac spirits influence how they interact with Akito, and that going against her can cause physical and emotional pain. Yuki cries when meeting her, and it’s mentioned that that’s just the normal reaction for the Zodiacs. 

It’s hard to say how much of their early interactions are influenced by the curse, but it’s obvious that Shigure has genuine fondness for her. She wasn’t always absolutely broken, as shown in Yuki’s backstory, and was a precocious child, one who sought affection openly. 

Shigure has an indulgent personality, and is shown to love being adored. Guess who loves him! Akito! Guess who wants lots and lots of affection! Akito! 

Their personalities are very well matched as they get older: They’re both intelligent and coy. They both have fairly sharp tongues when needed, and have no qualms about doing whatever it takes to get what they want. 

Shigure wants Akito to be independent from the curse. He’s made it clear to her he doesn’t want to be her father, he doesn’t want to be her friend, he wants to be her lover. Those are boundaries that Akito’s never been given before, and his frankness with her and his jealousy with Kureno is something she agonizes over, simply because she’s never been given any sort of serious interpersonal boundaries, or repercussions for her actions. He’s always kept himself separate from her, because of those boundaries, even when they were children. 

That’s important. It opens the door to the idea that her actions have consequences, and is a persistent nagging in the back of her mind. 

“Even though you hadn’t realized it, I was waiting for that day.” (ch 101)

For the bulk of the series, the only person who sees Akito as a person separate from the curse, and sees a future where she can grow is Akito. He has an extraordinary amount of patience for her, and forgives her for a lot. 

There are only two incidents that Shigure cannot forgive: Her sleeping with Kureno, and at the very end of the series, I’m of the full opinion that if Akito had pushed Tohru off the cliff, Shigure would have been done with her. Look at that expression, that is the look of someone who is toeing the line of throwing away all his hopes and dreams. If she really had pushed Tohru, I just...... The series would have taken a much darker tone. 

OKAY that’s enough about our favorite terrible author! (Okay, an aside, Shigure, please share your work ethic, you goof off so much but you’ve published so many things…how…)  

ONTO AKITO! 

“I’ve  finally realized… she hated her own shallowness all this time, from the very start.” // “It’s frightening because you have no choices.” (ch 121) 

A lot of people dislike Akito because she, for the bulk of the manga, is violent, manipulative and just downright unpleasant. And that’s fine, but it’s not the point of her arc or the themes of the manga.  (It is, however, the point of Rin’s: you don’t have to forgive everyone.) 

She’s not the only violent person in the series. If we as readers can forgive Uo-chan and Kyoko, or even Hana-chan for her moment of violence, why can we not extend the same grace to Akito? 

Violence is often shown as a knee-jerk reaction to fear and sadness: Kyoko, Uo, Hana, Kyo, Rin, and Akito all react violently to negative situations and feelings. Even Kisa reacts violently when she’s at her worst, biting both Haru and Tohru when she’s in her tiger form, which is shown to actually cause pain like a real tiger would. (It’s played for laughs, but has anyone been bitten for realsies by a house cat? That hurts! How much more would a house-cat sized tiger hurt!!!) 

Out of all of them, Hanajima and Kisa are the only characters to show immediate remorse, because they have what the others don’t: A positive support system. Once positive role models and support systems are in place, all of the others begin to learn how to react differently and ease out of the knee-jerk reactions that were ingrained in them. 

It’s made explicit in the manga that you have to be taught how to react positively, you have to learn and choose to be good, to be friendly, to love yourself outside of others’ perceptions of yourself. Look at Yuki’s arc. Look at Uo-chan’s. Kyoko’s. 

Yuki sums it up nicely in the last chapter of the manga, where he tells Tohru that she taught the Zodiac how to become human. She allows them to grow into people who can make the choice to be loving, compassionate individuals. 

Just because Akito doesn’t interact positively with Tohru for the bulk of the manga, it doesn’t make it any less true: 

Akito is kept in a juvenile state of being: No one teaches her to suck it up, that the world exists outside of herself, that other people are people and not things. In fact, she’s actively encouraged to act the way she does. She’s incredibly broken, between the maids of the Sohma estate just… allowing her to do whatever the fuck she wants and her absolutely jacked up relationship with Ren and Akira. She has no moral compass at all. No one bothers to teach her that her actions have serious consequences. 

She knows, in a roundabout way that hey, these people don’t like me. There’s a serious mental dissonance between what she latently knows—these are all people with no connection to her other than the bond of the curse. This is why Tohru is able to break through to her at the climax of the manga: 

She knows she’s wrong, but no one has ever told her she’s wrong but understood why she’s doing it. Akito just didn’t have the words to explain herself. What do children do when they cannot communicate? They lash out. Kids will bite, scratch, yell, kick, fall to the floor and have screaming tantrums out of frustration. Eventually, most kids learn that there are other ways to express frustration, and move along. (Not all, though, but most.)

Akito was taught that this is acceptable, allowable, and is her right as god. She is actively broken and kept that way through the neglect of the Sohma family maids, Ren’s abuse, and how Akira framed her role in the Zodiac. 

I can go on and on and on and on why the way Akito was treated for her role in the Zodiac by her parents and the rest of the Sohma estate was just awful. I hate it, it’s terrible, she never had a chance to learn and grow and be the genuinely thoughtful woman we know she grows into. 

She doesn’t force her path of forgiveness onto others and is fully cognizant of what she did, the repercussions of her actions, and lives her entire life after the curse breaks trying to right what she did wrong. 

“Even if she gets hurt, she says she deserves it. She tells me not to let it bother me, but… I’ve always, always loved her so much.” (Another, ch. 13) 

Tohru opens the door for Akito. She extends her hand, offers her friendship despite having seen the absolute worst of Akito. She tells Akito that everyone is lonely, everyone wants bonds, and acknowledges Akito’s worst fears, that Akito herself is selfish and dirty for wanting something assured and unending because she, Tohru, herself is dirty and selfish. Tohru knows what Akito has done, knows she’s injured some of her beloved friends, had plans to lock up Kyo, hurt Hatori. 

Tohru still forgives her. One of Tohru’s striking traits in the manga is that she is suffering, every day, she struggles with the grief of losing her mother and the fear of being alone in the world. Through nothing but her own empathy and realization that loneliness is universal, she’s able to forgive people. She forgives Akito and cares for her, and through Tohru, Akito is introduced to the realization that she’s been wrong and that maybe, she shouldn’t be forgiven. 

Shigure also forgives her, and this is the crux of their ship. 

To me, that itself is wildly important. 

They’ve always circled around each other, and Shigure has always been waiting for Akito to be able to come to him again, in full control of her life and choices. He wants Akito the woman, not Akito the god. 

He’s been waiting for the day Akito can meet him as an equal. Akito wants it too, and has wanted him to turn and see her for a very very long time. But she’s been terrified, the entire time, that when he does see her as herself, Shigure won’t like what he sees, and will leave. She’s aware of what she’s done post-curse, she’s aware of the impacts it will have on the former Zodiac members, and she’s aware that once the “bonds” of god and the animals is gone, there may not be anyone left for her.

Neither of them are under any illusions at the end of the series: Akito knows she has to atone for what she did, Shigure knows she has to learn to grow into a person who can function alone. They both know that there are people who are against them changing the oppressive structure of the Sohma family. 

Neither of them care. There are things that they want, together, and it’s enough. There’s a whole new world for them to explore and learn about. And in Furubana, this is shown to be a lifelong effort on their parts: 

“She said after meeting me, she learned so many things for the first time. She smiled happily as she said it.” (Another, #13) 

To close, I’d like to take a moment to talk about the curse and Shigure, and how he set things in motion. 

Without Shigure, the curse would have devolved on its own, yes, but the circumstances would not have allowed for the freedom the Zodiac had at the end of the manga. It would not have ended with Akito being able to learn and live freely. Allowing Tohru into the Sohma family cracked open a door to compassion and kindness none of them had ever experienced before, because the Sohma family seems to exist in a vacuum of stability and love. 

It wasn’t that Shigure knew instantly that Tohru was kind and loving and thoughtful, if anything, his read on her was “completely normal, albeit strange, teenage girl who obviously has a rough life”. But she was normal, she was from outside the Sohmas, and he knew that was enough. No one in the family was stepping up to change the status quo and how stifling and abusive it was, so he did it himself. 

He did it because he loved Akito. 

Not because he felt bad for himself, or Hatori, or any of the others, but merely because he loved her to the point of manipulation. It backfired in his face, because he got a big ol’ dose of “loving and respecting” juice from Tohru, but he still got the end he wanted. 

What I mean to say is best summarized in  chapter 123: 

“It would be nice to live in a kind world, without any troubles, without any fear, without hurting anybody, without ever being hurt, only doing the right thing. I wish I could reach this kind world by the shortest path possible. … “That’s wrong”, or “that’s stupid”: If it’s someone else’s life it’s so easy to make such irresponsible comments. ...It would be great, but it doesn’t exist. … Little by little, walking one step at a time, is all you can do.” 

We get to experience the roughest part of the path with Akito and Shigure, we got to watch them be terrible people who were lonely and in want of love struggle and learn how to get up and move on. 

They tease each other, Shigure is thoughtful of the distinction between “the person Akito was raised to be” and “the person who Akito is”. He’s seen her at her messiest, and she’s seen him at his most jealous. They still chose each other, despite the hurt they caused each other, and others. They make up for it, reflect, and live a life that demonstrates that they have learned. They have friends who are thoughtful and loving and would not hesitate to drop everything and help them, lend an ear when they’re frustrated, help them not to make the same mistakes. 

And then we get to see them be wonderful, kind, thoughtful, loving parents in Furubana. 

We got to see their adorable, kind, compassionate child be friends with the children of the people Akito hurt, because everyone in the former Zodiac’s family collectively decided “never again, no”. 

Their child adores them. Shiki in Furubana #13 radiates love for Akito and Shigure the same way Mutsuki and Hajime do. 

They are genuinely good parents, even when they tease Shiki, and I think that is testament for how good they are for each other and how much they’ve changed as adults. 

I think that’s enough of a reason to ship them, don’t you?

[drawbauchery]

The Second Session

fic by cartoons-tothemoon

“So, let’s review, last session, we broke you down to many of your core traits and neuroses.”

“Thanks for reminding me, it’s not like I have the capacity to remember last week.” Skipper muttered.

“Well, now we’re here to build you back up, and work from that onwards.” Hans said. He had his hands folded plainly in his lap, and he’d changed the lighting in the office. Skipper hated it. He hated having to sit across from a smug as shit Hans as he waited calmly and quietly for Skipper to begin talking, with that terrible, blinding light that gave off a strangely clinical feel that makes him more uneasy than anything else. He wonders if Hans would let him sleep for the hour he was meant to spend here. Sure, he’d be paying $35 for a nap, which was crazy in of itself, but he knows from experience that sometimes all you need is a good nap to be a functioning person again.

“I’m not in the position to really diagnose you with anything, and even if I was, I’d still need more time to get to know your mind before I could really prescribe anything for your current conditions.”

“Conditions?”

“Plural. Like children trying to sneak into a cineplex in a trench coat, what was once one turned out to be two or more disorders standing on top of one another’s shoulders. Bouts of aggression and insomnia tied to intense paranoia, a complex that comes from being a leader, and a fear of depending on others. Abandonment issues, repression-“

Skipper waved his hands in a forceful sort of wave, “yes, thank you. Just tell me what to do about it already.”

“What?”

“Just fix me already.” Skipper seemed frustrated. “You’re the one who thinks I’m broken in the first place, the only reason I’m here in the first place is to prevent any future surprise tea parties.”

Hans sighed. They were barely even 5 minutes in, and Hans just knew he was going to be spending the rest of the session constructing arguments for statements Skipper constructed in seconds.

“If this was only to prevent any more…surprise visits from moi, then I would’ve been fine with just the first session. And I think you know that.”

He did. He did know that. Hans suggested the idea of a second session, and so did Skipper, in the way that you do when you’re bonding with people you have a rather hostile history with. No commitment was really stated, which left the ball in Skipper’s court, but what was he supposed to do after that thorough deconstruction, let it simmer in his soul for the rest of his known life?

He couldn’t even let it simmer for a whole week at this point, after all, he was already considering asking RICO of all people if he was too arrogant a leader and intentionally pushing people away.

RICO.

It made sense at the time, Kowalski would question where he was learning such jargon and be able to draw conclusions based on his recent absence, and Private would do nothing but validate him. Because he was just that nice, he supposed.

“Second, it’s not about being “broken” or “fixed” or what have you, the fact of the matter is that you have the most high-stress job in your already high-stress career. As much as I enjoyed our battles in the fish markets of Denmark, it’s not like the experience hasn’t done something to me, or you for that matter.”

Hans sighed, he was already just so exhausted by this…session. He’d even revealed that he too shared in mental health struggles if Skipper was willing to pick up the scraps left behind for him. Skipper looked a little surprised, sure, but fell back into an understood complacency sooner than later.

Was this the closest they were ever going to get to a true understanding of the other?

He supposed he’d have to take it.

“And lastly, I can’t tell you how to “fix” yourself. I’m a therapist, not a life coach. I’m not here to give advice, I’m here to examine your trauma, and give you a better perspective on how to move forward. However, I can’t take those steps for you. You kinda have to figure out a lot of those things on your own.”

Skipper looked positively moody about this, but less in a spoiled, petulant five-year-old sort of way, and more…accepting of it. He looked tired, and less because it was barely just a quarter past 1. It was an abstract tiredness, one not born of resting or restlessness, but a thing all its own.

Skipper sighed. “Then what am I supposed to do?”

“This is a timely process for a reason, Skipper. Many people can spend years in therapy trying to handle these exact issues.”

“I didn’t realize this was a life sentence in the making.” Skipper muttered.

God, this was already such a process. Hans could tell that Skipper couldn’t stand the vagueness of this all. He was an action guy, he wanted an easy solution of doing task A to accomplish thing B, and achieve reward C, and go on with his life.

No, not even an easy solution. A clear solution. Skipper was a problem solver. All of this was already so abstract, and he didn’t even know if he was so vehemently against this whole process just because it was him, or just because it was therapy at all. He even had a client who after a bad experience with a therapist in middle school decided to turn her sessions into stand-up, just because she was already so familiar and so bored with the process.

Maybe that’s what he needed to channel. Therapy in of itself was at the best of times uncomfortable and at the worst of times boring. He was already dealing with a high energy, high stress client, who was uncomfortable as all hell with being there. If he put him back into a comfortable situation, he may or may not get something out of him, and if he doesn’t, at the very least make him more comfortable with spending time with him at all, off the clock, at least.

“What do you like to do, Skipper? In your free-time?”

Skipper eyed him suspiciously. “Uh, why?”

“I’m trying something. Trust me here.”

That could’ve been phrased SO much better, from nemesis to nemesis, but Skipper seemed willing in the moment to run with that trust. “I like working on my combat capabilities, driving around, sometimes I watch TV and movies, I help Private bake when he feels like it, I nap, I gamble…”

Skipper seemed to be drawing a blank for whatever reason. Surely, he had things he did in his free time, right? It wasn’t like he was ALWAYS on the clock, he just never really thought of certain periods of time as…free. What even counted as free-time anyhow? Was it just time that wasn’t spent doing other things? Under that definition, no time was free.

“Can I say this to you as both a friend, an enemy, and somebody who’s known you for quite a few years at this point?”

Skipper nodded hesitantly.

“Jesus Christ, you need some hobbies.” Hans stated, matter of factly. “Working on your “combat capabilities,” as you put it, seems to be a literal constant considering your job as…however your job is defined, so it’s less play and more work than anything else. You mentioned helping Private bake “when he feels like it,” and I wouldn’t exactly call napping a hobby, or gambling a healthy one.”

Skipper shrugged. It’s not like “Stomp the Wombat” ever left the confines of the lair, anyhow.

“It just feels like you don’t have a lot of things you do just for yourself, you know? Driving around and watching TV are the only hobbies that feel wholly your own, something you don’t do for work or for others. Keep in mind that you can keep doing these things you enjoy, but perhaps you should find other things for yourself. Like an instrument, or a cooking class.”

“I told the boys that I joined a bowling league just to be here.”

“And did that seem believable enough for you to do to be here?”

His silence told Hans everything, but not the literal everything of Skipper “going to bed” at 8 just to climb through his window at 12:30, shimmy down the fire escape, and walk to Hans’s office.

But he probably could tell anyhow.

Of course, this kind of put a blight on Hans’s plans to make Skipper more comfortable while being here, and as he told him such, Skipper proceeded to lay down on the couch. Hans couldn’t tell the exact reason for the action, but it did seem to be a point of exasperation for him.

“Well, damn, sorry I “foiled your plot” to make myself comfortable in the den of the beast.”

“Skipper, you insult me. You really think I’d decorate my den with wooden sailboats? Absolutely criminal.”

“You seem to forget that.” He muttered. Hans ignored it.

“Although the hobby talk didn’t exactly lead where I thought it could…It did lead me elsewhere.”

“Goddamn it.”

“What skill have you always wanted to learn? What’s something that you’ve wanted to try for just, so long, and never got the chance to?”

Skipper began to pick at his lip. This whole talk already made him nervous, but now what was he supposed to say? That he figured he’d be in the back of a truck with is hand hanging out the taillight since he was 14, for whatever reason, so he didn’t even bother considering his top 3 colleges, let alone any future ambitions?

Still, if he was quiet for too long, either Hans would judge him, or he’d render his lips a bloody mess, and that’d be a whole different thing to deal with.

“…Archery sounds fun.” He said. Hans nodded.

“That’s interesting. It’s closely related to your pre-established interests but it’s closer to a sport now than something to be used in an actual combat situation, which sort of allows it to be separated from your work.”

Skipper nodded as well, allowing Hans to believe that that was his thought process from the start, and more of just curious to see if he could shoot a flame off a candle like Annie Oakley.

“You mentioned you liked baking with Private. Do you like the idea of baking itself, or just doing it with another person?”

“Food is meant to be shared?” Skipper seemed to be asking, but also stated in a very definitive way. “It’s a process. It’d be weird not to help in the process.”

Hans pulled his hand away from Skipper’s mouth, where a few small cuts were beginning to form. “If you’d like to have a session where we did a low-stress activity you wanted to do, and we talked while doing so, I think it’d put you in the best conductive environment possible to actually combat the problems that seem so visible to me. This was a good first development, though. I just don’t know if I can expect on accidental issues to identify and attack every time.”

Hans sighed and got up from his chair to stare out the window. Skipper didn’t know why he did this, outside of being a dramatic bitch, but it got him to look anyhow.

“It’s so incidental, many people struggle with balancing work and life as is, but this could easily be one of the main causes of your paranoia, as well as causing a level of detachment and depersonalization, which relates to how you relate to others.”

And well, damn. What was Skipper supposed to say to that?

“Our time’s almost up.” Hans said, checking his watch. Skipper was coming to realize how strange time in therapy was. It simultaneously felt like hours and seconds passing all at once. Perhaps it was because there were no clocks, like a casino. Or maybe it was because going to therapy at 1 in the morning didn’t exactly give you a sun to follow in terms of time. Hans handed Skipper a weird sort of rack with string on it, along with some tissues.

“It’s a loom. Fidget with something that won’t bleed for the next five minutes, if you would.”

Skipper glared at him for the snide comment, but Skipper didn’t exactly put it back where Hans had stored it originally. Picking at the strings inanely didn’t feel as satisfying as his usual fidgets, but it would work until he lost focus and the skin had time to heal.

“I’m giving you three assignments until our next session.” Skipper would’ve originally rolled his eyes at the idea of homework, but there was something that felt already strange about this session. Last session, he was so thoroughly antagonized and owned in such a way that his entire psychological history had been exposed, but this made last session feel like…a misstep. It was almost like Hans was trying to give the rug back to Skipper after it had already been so unceremoniously swept away from him.

He seemed as unsure about this as he was, he even confided about the state of his own mental health, something he probably wasn’t supposed to do. Which, honestly, made Skipper feel better about the whole thing. He didn’t like being guided, and as much as he detested having to do this whole thing with Hans in particular, the idea of having to figure out a stranger at the same time they were trying to figure out him sounded like a nightmare. More than this already was.

The whole session felt off, sure, but it wasn’t as off as it could’ve been, and he knows it could only be worse.

“I want you to begin researching archery, if you really want to pursue it as a hobby, you should try to learn what you can about it before jumping in and figuring out it isn’t what you thought it was.”

“I want you to pay a compliment to each of your team members in a casual way, this’ll strengthen your bonds with them, in a way that allows you to affirm that you appreciate them, as much as they appreciate you.”

Okay, that sounded like hippie nonsense, but who was he to judge at this point.

“And finally, I want you to pick out a recipe to prepare during our next session.”

“Wait, what?”

“A recipe. Something that’ll take less than an hour. I have a friend who’d give me access to their kitchen in the middle of the night, so we’ll be on neutral ground, and I’m sure it’ll be more believable to your “boys” that if you really are doing something in the middle of the night, that you have physical proof of it. Considering how weirdly secretive you are already, the idea you covered up secret cooking lessons with a bowling league doesn’t sound too far-fetched.” Hans was muttering at this point. All these things answered questions he figured he’d have, but nothing that helped with where he was NOW.

“I know it’s a weird idea, but the clients who have had the chance to do different, vaguely active things during our sessions tend to be more open and honest with me about things that they’re worried about, things that they struggle with, and they can make for more engaging sessions where you actually take in what I’m telling you, and makes it less of a lecture.” Hans sighed. “If you hate it, we never have to try anything like that again, but, I do really want you to give it a try. This is a two-way street, I can only give as much as I myself get. I just got lucky this week.”

Skipper stopped strumming the loom.

“Text me the address.” He said, and Hans would have burst with joy if such a thing was appropriate in present company, until he realized.

“I…don’t have your number?”

“Oh, no, session’s over! Wow, how did the time fly? Guess you’ll just have to figure that out for yourself, what a swell talk we had, doc,” Skipper yelled as he headed out the door.

“Pay at the front desk!” Hans yelled back before relaxing into his chair. Skipper was never going to be an easy client to deal with. Maybe he wouldn’t ALWAYS dance around the issues at hand, but he was never going to REALLY come clean about it. There may be things they never talk about, the same way Hans did.

And that was fine. Maybe it made what little he did learn all the more rewarding. Maybe it made what little he learned all the more meaningless if Skipper ever reached a point of complete and utter honesty with him, a fantasy he knew would never see come to light.

But who was to say, really?

It was all a matter of time.

After all, this was only the second session.

(Ahh! I can’t believe I didn’t post another fic for a whole! Month! I think it’s just because I didn’t really know what to do for the second session, and I think you can kinda tell, considering it’s not like Hans knows what to do either. Do you guys really want a whole fic series about Skipper going to therapy? I have no idea. It’s pretty fun, though. I don’t know how Hans became a therapist, either, but I guess that’s just what the dude does now. By the way, the client who turned her therapy sessions into stand-up comedy? That was just me in high school with my mandated therapist. I once gave a funeral to a squeaky toy I broke in the middle of the session. It was simultaneously so sad and so funny at the exact same time.

This fic will be up on my ao3, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tadstrangerthings, as soon as @drawbauchery posts it!)

[thr-333]

The Hero’s Journalist- Part 1

Since he was little he wanted to be a hero like All Might, unfortunately, he was quirkless. Nonetheless, his way with words landed him at the top of journalist, the one who interviewed all the sidekicks and the less know heroes. He is the Hero' Journalist, Who will interview even the villain know as the hero killer Stain and even enter the base of the villain alliance and try to interview their leaders and seek their secrets. Nothing will stop him to bring the truth to the light!

AO3

(thank @fantasiame for the title and description!)

---------------------

It had only made sense to Izuku. He chased heroes around all throughout the city. It hadn't really been his intention, to begin with, but one day he decided to post his opinion about a recent fight. It got some interest-- not a lot but that was to be expected. Izuku liked it, however. Some people would offer their own perspective which was always good to take into account. It also made it easier for the heroes in some small capacity(he wasn't so vain as to think he was making a big impact) but some people seemed more forgiving getting an in-depth analysis of the battle rather than the news trying to make it more dramatic.

But what Izuku really liked was the acknowledgment of his skill. It had been hard growing up quirkless. He was bullied or ignored, no one specifically targeted him thankfully but it was never easy.

When he started analyzing heroes it was because he wanted to be one. As he started posting his analysis more often things started to change.

He was decently popular at that point-- in his last year of high school(he hadn't been able to get into UA or any hero school for that matter but he knew there were other opportunities later in life so he didn’t let it dishearten him too much). There were people that followed him, regularly reading his stories but he most certainly wasn't famous in any capacity.

The big change came after a fight with a villain one day. The pro hero had arrived at the scene and did a lot of flashy stuff but Izuku noticed one sidekick, in particular, had been the crux of the operation. While he was being swarmed by the press Izuku waited to approach the sidekick standing off to the side by herself.

TinCan was her name. From what Izuku saw her body was made out of aluminum. It made her very lightweight but susceptible to crushing-- but Izuku had watched her buff out the dent in the fight and wondered how small she could be crushed down? She hadn't seemed hurt so maybe her nerves were less sensitive. He supposed it was an impressive quirk if nothing flashy. It had allowed her to move quickly and almost act as a human shield when the pro let their guard down.

He watched TinCan for some time talking to the victims of the fight. There were only minimal injuries but there was some property damage and some of the kids were scared. She stayed and cheered up the kids while they or their parents were getting patched up. Izuku snapped a few photos promising himself to ask permission before he posted them.

When they were taken care of TinCan looked over at the pro, still swarmed by reporters, and sighed. Izuku took that as his cue.

“Excuse me,” He waved slightly awkwardly to get her attention, “I was wondering if you could do an interview for me?”

“Me?” TinCan looked shocked-- Izuku knew he wasn't a professional reporter but- “Are you sure you don't want-”

“No!” Izuku felt bad about cutting her off, “You were amazing in that battle! I’d love to hear about your training and your quirk! You could go pro at this point!”

TinCan was even more surprised by that. Izuku wasn't sure if she could blush but it looked like she would be. Still, she gave the interview gladly. Izuku soaked it all up. She didn’t chide him for his millions of questions like the teachers usually did, instead getting more excited and passionate with each one.

TinCan hadn’t gone to a big name hero school so it set her back on her path to becoming a pro. She eventually got a job as a sidekick and had been there a lot longer than most sidekicks of her skill. A point Izuku kept coming back to, that she should start her own agency.

“I don’t think anyone would be interested,” She said sheepishly, loud enough for Izuku’s phone to pick up, “I don’t have a very flashy quirk and as it is I can be useless in battle if I take enough damage,”

“First, you don’t need a flashy quirk to save people,” Izuku said firmly, with much more confidence than usual, “As for trouble in battle take on sidekicks or work with partners, maybe you could even find someone to counteract the negative side effects of your quirk,”

“I’m not sure….”

“At least ask around,” Izuku encouraged, smiling brightly, “You have the makings of a great hero, you should go for it even if you don’t think it will work out you’ll never know until you try,”

“Man you’re persistent,” TinCan laughed with no malicious or blame, “I’ll think about it,”

“Thank you,” Izuku bowed, stopping the recording. It had not been a great set up, the phone propped on a trash can of all things, but their options were limited.

He thanked her and they went to part ways. The interviews with the pro wrapping up by now.

“Hey, Midoriya!” TinCan called when he was halfway down the street, “When I go pro you get dibs on the first interview!”

Izuku was stunned. Then a wide grin split his face.

“I look forward to it!” he shouted back. Then he got an idea, “Can she do it?! Yes she Tin-CAN!”

A smile split TinCan’s face and she looked like she was laughing, but raised her fist regardless. A declaration to everyone on the street. Izuku quickly snapped a picture. He’d have to ask to use it when she went pro.

When he posted the interview it got some attention, not a lot but he supposed that was the reason no one interviewed sidekicks. Not that he regretted it one bit. TinCan was a great hero, sidekick, or Pro.

It was months later when he got a message; TinCan was starting her own agency.

And wanted Izuku to be the first interviewer.

---

Izuku loved TinCan’s agency-- although it wouldn't be fair to just call it her agency. She had taken his advice and partnered up with two other heroes.

The metal hero: Platesmithier was the perfect fit. She was able to control thin metals, it lost effectiveness the thicker the metal. She worked as a support hero mostly staying away from fieldwork at her prior sidekick job. However, with TinCan she was needed in the field to help fix the other when damaged. Izuku had questioned Platesmithier extensively on all the gear she had made for the agency. It was impressive metalwork of course giving them intricate and lightweight armor.

Cloom, a name Izuku had needed some clarification on(apparently it was meant to be a mix of Cloth and Room also sounding like Loom, not very clear but it was cute and fit the bubbly girl). She had been stuck as a sidekick for a long time. Her quirk was extremely useful, able to make cloth that she weaved into a doorway to a new room, the size of which was determined by the size of the cloth. This was why he loved the agency it was originally a one-room office but with fabric pinned to every wall, its size was increased tenfold. And could easily be folded up and moved. Taking down the fabric didn't ruin the room inside just blocked the entrance. Cloom had been used as a sidekick to make agencies bigger in the same way. Izuku disagreed that was the only use and TinCan agreed with him. Cloom was able to throw the cloth over villains and fold it up making for an easy capture. It was unbelievable such a powerful and versatile quirk had been stuck as a sidekick!

Izuku loved the interview. They set up cameras properly, talking for hours almost more like friends at times. Izuku talked about all their experiences separately and together. Cloom and Platesmithier worked at the same agency. A hero in some of the top ranks who had seen their useful quirks. Both wanted to go pro but neither had the courage until TinCan came along. Apparently, she had been pestering people to find a metal bending quirk and had tracked down Platesmither. It took a lot of badgering but she had convinced them to join her as a partner. Both thanked Izuku for giving her the motivation that brought them together. Izuku stuttered and blushed saying they had done it themselves, but they insisted he take their thanks.

They talked about their plans for the agency well into the night. It was set up in a large city quite far from his own so they offered him a place to stay the night. He really really loved Clooms quirk as she hung up a sheet of fabric leading to a guest room. Izuku couldn't get to sleep. He edited and posted the interview that night. It generated a bit of a buzz-- always excited to see new heroes.

That buzz would be turned into a roar by the end of the next day.

---

They had been walking Izuku to the train station. They had wanted to see him off and wish him luck for his upcoming final exams. It was all fine- even happy chatting more about each other. Izuku took his camera out so they could send a video to him mum. They wanted to thank her for letting Izuku come.

Then the villain attacked.

They were the closest. Someone in the building across the street. A strength quirk. The guy was three times Izuku’s height. He took out the foundation running through it. The building was tumbling down. People were screaming. There were still people inside.

They acted fast. Civilians on the street in danger of falling rubble. TinCan shielding them with her own body, rocks leaving dents behind as she moved them to a safer area. Platesmither bent thin sheets of metal, acting enough as a shield for people to run away. Cloom pulled out a big sheet of fabric covering civilians with it. They guided the rest under the sheet, whatever rubble hit it fell into a different plane of existence leaving the people underneath safe from harm.

Izuku didn’t even realize he was filming.

With the civilians on the street safe, TinCan and Platesmither ran to the falling building. Cloom made sure to stop by him, giving him a sheet of fabric that he wrapped over himself, rubble falling right into it leaving him safe.

The villain had come out onto the street spouting his big speech. Izuku kept focused on the heroes behind him digging through rubble to find civilians trapped underneath. This vexed the villain, he charged right at Izuku who was still out in the open. Later he would note it was a great shot-- but right now he was terrified.

That terror morphed into exhilaration as TinCan ran up behind the villain, kicking him back. The effort sent her led bending the wrong way but Platesmither straightened it out quickly, still trying to rescue people.

“Don’t you dare hurt the INNOCENT!” She yelled sending another punch, her arm crumpled. His quirk worked as armor too, made sense with how he could run through walls and the falling rubble didn’t harm him.

TinCan cursed switching to use her weapons Platesmither had made. She managed to cause some damage, moving too quickly for the villain to catch.

It didn’t last.

Izuku’s heart sank when the villain grabbed her leg, crushing it in his grip. He looked in terror as the villain balled her up, like a piece of tin foil. He wasn't the only one, civilian who peaked out from the sheet cried and shouted. Platesmither ran over as the villain was distracted by gloating.

Platesmither started straightening out her body, Izuku hoped more than anything. More than meeting All Might. More than becoming a hero. That TinCan would be alright.

Where were the other heroes? They had to be coming soon! They had to be!

Platesmither managed to smooth TinCan out but she wasn't moving. The villain noticed and kicked Platesmither away, sending her sprawling down the street. Cloom shouted out but she was the only one spare to help the trapped civilians.

Izuku’s heart leaped when TinCan twitched slightly. There was silence in the street as the villain looked across at her, unimpressed. TinCan tried to raise her head but fell to the cement with a metallic thunk.

Izuku had to do something! He had to! He wasn't a hero. At that moment he realized, maybe even accepted he would never be-- but he could be a hero here in his own way. Just like the people dissuading him from his dream always said. But this didn’t feel like giving up on his dreams, it felt like starting them. Like passing it on to hopeful heroes and giving them a boost to what he knew they could be.

“CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN !!!” Izuku’s confident shout, more confident than he had ever spoken, rang out across the street, over the only other sound being sobs and screams. Again, he had to do it again! “CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN !!!”

“Can she do it?” Izuku looked over to a little girl peeking out from the large sheet, “Yes she Tin-CAN!”

“Can she do it?” two other people this time.

“Yes she Tin-CAN!” Now five more people.

“Can she do it?” fifteen people shouting.

“Yes she Tin-CAN!” Now it was more like thirty.

“CAN SHE DO IT?!” fifty, fifty people.

“YES SHE TIN- CAN!!! ” Everyone, every single person on the street called out, “CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN,”

TinCan raised her head.

“CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN !”

TinCan pushed herself up.

“CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN !”

TinCan stood up shakily.

“CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN !”

TinCan raised her arm in triumph, looking at the villain with righteous fury.

“CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN CAN SHE DO IT?! YES SHE TIN- CAN !”

She lunged at the shocked villain, punching him. This time she didn’t crumble. This time Platesmitther had come to her side, keeping her arm strong. She didn’t need that though. She leaped up winding her legs around the villain's neck. He reached up to wretch her off crushing her legs in the process, right around his neck in a tangled mess. She bent backward along the villains back, jabbing at his sides. He moved down instinctively and she grabbed both wrists. Catching on Platesmither twisted her arms around the villains, effectively making her into a living pair of handcuffs.

Now it was Platesmithers turn, she kicked the villain down, using a sheet from Cloom to cover the villain. She quickly folded it back up trapping the villain-- along with TinCan.

They didn’t have time to worry about that. Izuku ran to the fallen building with Platesmither, helping Cloom with the rescue efforts. Thankfully other heroes showed up shortly after. There were casualties, and it stung, but most people made it out alive. And thanks to the others, the civilians on the street were completely uninjured.

The police came. Surrounding the cloth with heroes they carefully unwrapped it. The villain leaped out immediately, TinCan still wrapped around him but he had gotten an arm free. It didn’t last long as other heroes swiftly apprehended him. And soon he was in police custody.

TinCan was straightened out and met with an adoring crowd. She stood in shock for a full minute as people kept chanting her new catchphrase. Less with desperation and more in victory. Reporters swarmed her. She looked over their heads.

“Izuku!” She called, stopping the clamor to look at him, “You're doing our interview right?!”

Izuku grinned, taking out his phone. Only then did he realize it had been recording the whole time.

---

TinCan and the Crafty Bunch(It had been Izuku’s suggestion as both Cloom and Platesmitther had distinct skills in metalworking and weaving) became a national sensation. They were praised for how they handled the situation and the ingenuity of the takedown. They were projected to place in at least the top 50(Izuku bet it would be the top 30) at the next rankings.

This came with no small amount of fame for Izuku. He had the first interview with TinCan ever. Had her credit him to pushing her to make the agency and her now-famous Catchphrase. Had the first up-close interview with the heroes, long before anyone else. For a few days, it was only his interview that people could turn to, to learn more and it blew up. And he also had exclusive footage of the battle, topped off with their interview after.

To say the least, people took notice of Izuku, much more than ever before. News outlets tried to buy his footage off him. He would only accept selling screenshots knowing if they had access to all the footage he wouldn't have any incentive to get into the industry.

And yes Izuku wanted into the industry. It was kind of obvious now that he thought of it. He loved quirks and he loved heroes. He could ask questions for days. Sure he was a bit camera shy but he could get over that. No, Izuku wanted to be a reporter, a journalist, anything where he could learn more and help people because of it. It might not be the obvious help of a hero or medical professional, but many commented it made them feel safer how he unpacked quirks and strategies, opening their eyes to another side of heroics.

Izuku was offered a job at a small publishing agency. He had gotten an offer from some larger ones but they were more restrictive. This one was mainly a magazine publicist with only a few tight-knit workers with some freelancers. Recently they had wanted to make video interviews and articles to reach a wider market. It sounded perfect to Izuku he would basically have control, only needing their sign off. They liked his work and were content to let him do things his way. They were small but had good connections with heroes, known for being honest and not embellishing gossip, or at least staying away from the harmful stuff focusing more on a hero's favorite food or whatnot.

It all sounded too good to be true. Izuku worked part-time and when he finished high school it was a full-time job.

He loved it he really did. They actually scheduled interviews, letting him talk to pros instead of catching them after battles, not that he minded doing that. Apparently, TinCan and co had been vouching for him and many Pros and sidekicks were willing to answer a question or two.

Izuku liked talking to the sidekicks. His boss did too. It provided insight into the hero’s lives that usually wasn't harmful, Izuku tended not to share it if it was. The pros liked it less, however, as he somehow always managed to convince their sidekicks to start their own agency. They had started to combat this by offering to be interviewed instead. Izuku found it funny but easily agreed.

He loved his job, he really did and was so excited to see where it lead him.

He probably would have been less excited if he realized it led him directly into danger… all the time.

---------

This is just one of oh 9 au’s/fics I’ve come up with(and written) in the past three weeks. I’m doing fine. Whats obsession?

[hello--mrs]

Steven Universe Podcast: Battle of Heart and Mind

I don’t usually do this but I said I would for the server, so here we are. 

This episode included Rebecca Sugar, Kat Morris, Joe Johnston, Matt Burnett, Ben Levin, and Ian Jones-Quartey. 

·     The episode starts with the rainbow worm in Steven’s dream, who is voiced by Deedee. This is the last homage to the princess references in the arc. The worm is from the Kyanite colony and was brought to Homeworld by Pink, which Blue allowed, but then Pink released all worms in the ballroom. Rebecca mentions this links with Pink’s desire to be free by releasing animals from their colonies. 

·   This specific princess reference was to Jasmine (in Aladdin) opening the cage and allowing the birds to fly free. It was also a reference to Pink’s love of animals and wanting to set them free, which isn’t out of character for Steven either. 

·   For Diamond Days, they picked the most common princess tropes for Steven’s time on Homeworld and made this experience alienating for him. 

·   Rebecca states that the Diamonds are meant to exist as a body- the inspiration for the ship. Pink is the Id, Blue and Yellow are the Ego, and White is the Super Ego. This is represented in Change Your Mind where the collective mind experiences embarrassment when the Id demands they enjoy something. 

·   Kat admits that they came up with the new outfits by continuously emailing each other with ideas. Rebecca said they considered everything but there were some concepts that they really wanted, for example, Rainbow 2.0 would have a scarf and a jacket. It was important either way that the fusions would notably have Steven’s clothes and the gems. However, the fusions would hint at the new forms and Pearl didn’t end up having a scarf, but she did have the jacket. Later, McKenzie asked if the jacket was a throwback to Bad Pearl and Rebecca confirmed that it represented her independence. 

·   One of Garnet’s new designs included transparent glasses and Peridot’s glasses in the shape of a star. Kat came up with the idea for the shredded shorts and star pockets for Amethyst. 

·   All of the new outfits represent how the gems have changed and learned from Steven. 

·   Rebecca mentioned that Pearl has been ‘playing the field’ and ‘exploring who she is’, which started in Last One Out of Beach City.

·   Lapis has gold accents on her new outfit to match the real-life gem stone. Kat said that Rebecca really wanted the sandals for Lapis and it makes for comfortable cosplay. 

·   Joe said that he enjoyed a lot of Garnet’s new designs. Most ideas were based off superheroes and had a more ‘knightly’ aspect. 

·   They confirmed that they tried Peridot’s new design with star hair but it was too much. Rebecca said that the glasses already change her silhouette and expose her gem more. 

·   Peridot also has boots this time. Before, she had socks because she used to wear limb enhancers. 

·  Mary Poppins and Bert were the inspiration for Rainbow 2.0. These concepts were made by Joe around 2-3 years ago. Sunstone was a newer concept. 

·  Rebecca said that all Garnet fusions can break the fourth wall, but with Steven, it would break it to give advice to children. The suction cups are also a combination of Steven’s shield and Garnet’s gauntlets. When creating Sunstone, Rebecca wanted her to look like a toy that you could stick in the back window of a car with suction cups. 

·  Alistair James auditioned for Rainbow 2.0 by doing an impression of his grandmother with a British accent. Rebecca said that Shoniqua was perfect and she knew immediately that she wanted her for Sunstone. She sounded exactly like how Miki Brewster pitched her. 

·  For Obsidian, they’d had her concept from the very beginning since she was shown as the temple. It was a hidden in sight visual that would eventually pay off. 

·  Obsidian’s sword is in the ocean, which is a part of the temple. It’s first seen in Bubble Buddies and seen again in Ocean Gem when the ocean is cleared. The sword design changed over time to ensure that all the Crystal Gem’s weapons could fit into the design. 

·  The earliest inspiration for White Diamond is traced back to the beginning of the show. She was inspired by the film ‘A Story of Menstruation’, which was made in 1946. It was a film by Disney played in schools to teach children what to expect in menstruation, and the narrator’s voice was a kindly older woman. Rebecca said that she found the designs really interesting and cute. 

·  From the film, the inspiration came from a scene where a woman cried into her arms but in the reflection of her mirror, she straightens up and starts smiling before going out dancing. The narrator says: “Don’t forget that people are around you and you’ll have to be more pleasant if you want people to like you”. The scene passes by and it ignores that fact that the woman was crying earlier, because she’s now seen being ‘correct’. This is the voice and the feeling that she went for with White Diamond and Homeworld. 

·  Homeworld is inspired by Busby Berkeley, and White is inspired by Hedy Lamarr in Ziegfeld Girl and Nell Brinkley drawings, all within an era where women were seen as beautiful pieces of furniture. Rebecca states: Women are like lamps, smiling and there, part of the scenery. It all originates from the idea that people thought it was lovely and seen as an escape from reality. 

·  Those early inspirations were also used for the wall gems- the idea that people are in the background as if turned to stone and function solely as architecture. These faces we see in the architecture are gems and that’s their function. 

·  White has always been associated as a mother, especially in terms of her storyline with Steven in this arc, and how gems are viewed as her children. This arc wanted to begin to explore her relationship with them. 

·  Rebecca says that White’s way of thinking is that she is everyone and everyone is her. She considers herself the default white light that passes through other gems, so when she sees gems absorb other colours from that light, she considers it a variation of her but lesser. In that way, she has no identity at all because she considers herself just light. She feels that people can be turned into her because they are all the same. 

·  Rebecca also stated that White is wrong about how she views the world and herself. It’s an antithesis to Rose’s journey- expression and repression. She lives in a delusion that everything is fine but it isn’t. 

·  Matt and Ben said that the whole episode was balanced by ensuring that every single character got their moment. It was an accumulation of ideas from over the years that they tried to fit into one episode, such as Amethyst greeting Jasper after she was uncorrupted. They felt they did everything they wanted to do before they left. 

·  All past episodes, especially for Diamond Days, were made to build up to the scene with White and Steven where she pulled out his gem. Mirror Gem is the first time they introduce the concept that a sentient gem can be trapped inside an object and that object is Steven. They’ve been planting hints that Pink may be trapped inside him ever since. 

·  From the beginning, they’ve wanted there to be doubt that Steven was his own person and have the audience question if Pink/Rose could still be alive. Even when the gem was pulled out, they still wanted the viewer to doubt if he was Steven. They planted enough hints that the viewer would think it could go either way. 

·  Between the crew, the hottest debates were about the storyline between Steven and Rose/Pink, about who Steven would be if they were separated. One of the most recent arguments was about Steven’s gem self and the fact he was devoid of any feeling, that there was none at all. That emotion came from Steven. 

·  Rebecca had planned the split perspective scene since the start of development and storyboarded it early in the process. It’s still from Steven’s point of view. Ian noted that if the show wasn’t completely from his perspective, it wouldn’t work. The split perspective was to also represent how torn and disoriented Steven was in that moment. 

·  Pink Steven is him as a default. If you take away his personality and emotion, he is empty. He’s been separated from his humanity and all that’s left is power. There have been nods to this in the past by showing how his power is greater because of his humanity and his capacity to love. 

·  Ian said that Rebecca has always had the idea of the final confrontation being about Steven’s relationship with his powers and that connection showing who he really is. Steven wants that human side of him, even if it slows him down, because it’s what makes him who he is.  

·  The scene of Steven returning to himself was originally written for episode 10. It was going to be a part of Giant Woman where they establish fusion. 

·  Rebecca confirms that James Baxter animated the scene where Steven reunites with Pink Steven. She met him by doing a drawing for his daughter’s birthday. 

·  The fusion sequence with the two Stevens was the ultimate princess trope- a rotating dancing scene specifically boarded by James Baxter. He completed the whole sequence himself apart from the inking. 

·  Ian mentioned that he wanted the uncorrupted gems scene for a long time. He said they always knew the arc would come back to the corrupted gems as that was the original conflict of the series, but now they finally get to see it through. 

·  On top of that, Ian went through every single episode that had a corrupted gem and designed their healed versions, while Rebecca added some of the quartz designs. He mentioned that the longer they were in their ‘monster’ form, the more they will look like that form, even when they’re healed. That’s why several of the healed gems look more like their original designs.

·  Rebecca added that Ian helped with the fusion designs and their sequence, as that was a wishlist moment for him. He wanted Steven to fuse with all the gems in a row. 

·  Ian said that he had been most excited about Rainbow 2.0 and that Colin Howard had done most of the groundwork already. 

·  Rainbow is they/them and he/him, and Sunstone is they/them and she/her. 

·  Rainbow 2.0 is mixed with Pearl’s properness and Steven’s penchant for making jokes. Rainbow 2.0 loves to make puns and is a throwback to Steven’s puns in the earlier series. In the episode, Ian also came up with the idea that RQ 2.0 could ride their umbrella and have a rainbow shoot out of the end- a reference to Pearl being able to shoot lasers out of her spear. 

·  With Sunstone and Rainbow 2.0, they wanted to be able to show common traits in Sardonyx. The break in the fourth wall comes from Garnet, but loving to hear themselves talk comes from Pearl. Steven enables the both of them to embrace their silly sides. 

·  The ship foot falling on them was a slight reference to Monty Python but also a reference to the giant foot mentioned in Arcade Mania. 

·  Rebecca stated that the song Change Your Mind was not written for the show, but a personal song she wrote while fighting for the wedding arc. She was hesitant at first to include it. 

·  Change Your Mind isn’t for the end of the Steven Universe franchise but for this arc, Ian mentions. He adds that even though it was written for the process of including the wedding, it perfectly captures the theme of the show. As a coming of age story, Rebecca notes that this is something that had to happen for Steven to start making decisions for himself. 

·  Rebecca also admits it has been hard to write for Steven because he always puts others before himself. It’s always about what others want and what he thinks they want. However, he finally comes to a realisation in this arc that he doesn’t have to be anyone else other than himself or pamper to other’s expectations. 

·  Ian states that this arc was incredibly important for Steven’s development, in terms of who he is, who he thinks he is, and who others believe him to be. Moving forward, everything will be different from Steven’s perspective. There’s going to be more but it will have changed, because Steven has changed. 

If I’ve missed anything out, let me know. Hope you guys enjoy!

[aspiestvmusings]

ZEP: S1 - TEAM MAX

This is part of my ZEP: S1 Thoughts Master Post

Here’s the new & updated long analysis post for ZEP S1. This one features the whole season, all 12 episodes.

Just me...dissecting & analyzing the storyline...with focus on Zoey & Team Max. But since the stories are so intertwined, there’s Zoey/dad & Zoey/Simon talk, too. Among other things...relevant to it all...

ZEP: MAX & ZOEY -  THOUGHTS 1 [LINK HERE]  

TEAM MAX

Translating Max’s behaviour:

If we pay attention to what Max says, then they have informed us via his lines what it is that he’s not okay with. And it’s not what some seem to think - that Zoey dosn’t love him back/return his feelings & won’t want to start dating now. It’s not that he chose to take the 6th Floor job as a “punishment” cause she didn’t plead him to stay and tell him he loves him. It’s not that he was mad at her & in his anger sang “Bye Bye Bye”. It’s not that he was unnecessarily cold & rude towards her…after 1x08..when he moved to 6th Floor… only because what some fans think …that he’s an example of “good guy trope”

What Max has an issue with is Zoey changing & changing their friendship. It’s that she’s dishonest with him, her best friend. It’s that he doesn’t like that she can read his mind…both because he prefers to keep his private thoughts & feelings private, and because he doesn’t want to “push” her with a sudden heart song…which he now knows he could do unintentionally. Before she got her power, he could just keep his feelings towards her a secret & not push her, but now he has to watch himself…and avoid feeling feels around her. Because he knows she can hear his deep feelings.

He’s not comfortable with her knowing how he feels about her (1x07/1x08). He’s not comcortable with everyone knowing how he feels about her (1x11).

After 1x08 he knows the details of her secret power. And…interestingly… he does not sing any love songs to her anymore…for a while. The tone of the songs changes. We only ever hear him since twice after he learns her secret. First a “duet” of the song “Here I go again” in 1x10 as he moves to the 6th floor, and second is “Bye Bye Bye” in 1x11. He doesn’t really mind her hearing the song in 1x10…as it’s just what decribing what he’s doing. And then there’s the karaoke bar, where his inner song & outer song don’t really match. He might sing “Bye Bye Bye” as a response to Zoey asking her to stop Leif singing that sad song, but you can see that he’s not really feeling it.

This is supported by his comment to Leif that he’s not (sure he’s) over Zoey. And by his “mood” and the way he “secretly” glances over at leaving Zoey. Which means that in her presence he’s trying to  disguise his real feelings…. so that she would not be able to read his real thoughts. He migth sing a song to her that makes her think he’s mad at her & moved on, but we, the viewers, are let in on the truth, cause his real feelings shine through during the scene. Yes he’s heartbroken and a bit “mad at her”, but he really let’s those feels shine on this moment..to “fool her”. And this is confirmed at the end of the episode, when all it takes for him to stop pretending to be upset with her is for her to take the first step. And re-confirmed in the Finale, when we see that he can make himself think & feel…what he wants her to hear…

Yes, of course he was ALSO heartbroken & a bit disappointed, because he had hoped she would return his feeling…now, but that’s what he hoped, not expected/demanded to be the only option. He even said it several times - he needed some sort of response, some sort of answer from her. And though a part of his decision to keep his distance was cause he felt hurt and heartbroken (she did brake his heart a bit…cause from his POV he chose the other man… cause it was not as she said - she can’t choose cause she’s got so much on her plate cause of her dad & her superpower…so it’s understandable he was a bit sad) most of his post-superpower-reveal behaviour was fueled by her unclarity & her dishonesty. She’d promised him honesty & truth, and she revealed the truth…via her heart song, but then she tried to claim the truth is not the truth (not say that perhaps there are more possibilities than his interpretation of the song, but claiming it’s not at all what the song meant, when they both know what the song meant.) That’s what upset him.

And that’s why he needed to put some distance between them. And again, they’ve explained his motivation & reasons via dialogue in other scenes. And… interestingly enough…what started as him trying to experience things outside their tiny two-person-bubble-world ended up becoming so much more. When he started the season with no desire to climb the career ladder or get out of the “best friend zone” then by the end of the season things had changed… and he actually liked the opportunity he got via his promotion, and he even learned he’s good at it (even Leif complimented his leadership skills). And the distance did both them good…as we all predicted… cause they really needed to grow individually & figure things out…separately… before there could ever be a possibility of them as a duo.

I’ve touched this in my past posts. And will again in future posts.

A closer look at 1x09:

Though there was not much Max or Z/M in this episode, there were a few scenes. The elevator scene & the “what do you think I should do?” scene. And we could see Max is practicing social distancing from Zoey. Because no matter how much he cares about her, and proved he’s a good friend by checking up on her & giving her great advice regarding her dad in last weeks episode, he really was hurt by her.

Also…one way he can minimize Zoey “reading his mind” is by removing himself from the same room. And since he doesn’t consider her knowing his secret thoughts fair if he can’t hear/know hers, then one effective way to prevent that from happening is not being around her. Maybe he doesn’t want her to hear that despite acting “hurt” he can’t “hate” her. Maybe he doesn’t want her to hear him sing about being hearbroken. Maybe…. In short: minimizing their contact might be related to something as simple as just trying to avoid her knowing his secret feelings… (the outer expressions & inner thoughts not matching)

As to Max saying that she didn’t give him the right answer might’ve been about something else. And though we saw his facial expression change as she was saying that “The Zoey who sang a love song to him will miss sitting across him at the office, but would never stop him going after what he wants”, I think his answer might’ve been about her asking “Was this the right answer?” Cause that seemed to be the thing that made him make his choice.

Because that implies she was not being 100% honest with him, and instead giving him the answer she thought he wanted to hear. (we saw her do the same with Simon. First asking for his thoughts on the kiss, before revealing her thoughts…so she could base her choise on the other persons choice) It kinda does imply that she still doesnt know how she feels, and isn’t doing what she herself wants. Instead trying to guess what he think she wants her to say. Which is not what Max wants her to do. He wants her to be sure of her choice. Make her own choices. (and unlike many viewers seem to think… I don’t think he’s actually pressuring  her, or demanding a love confession as a response to his own. I see it as him listing the “facts” (options), and asking her for her take on it all.

I kinda think he made his decision because she asked “was this the answer you wanted?” more than anything else. Because this tells him that she doesn’t know what she wants. Though her answer “as the Zoey who sang that she is his…romantically” being so “not personal” might’ve also played a part.   And there’s another plot in this episode that actually gives us a hint what the whole “Max promoted to 6th floor” thing is about.

< Edited for clarity: As said, I think her adding “was that the answer you wanted to hear” sealed the deal. But… if we look at what Ava told him on the 6th floor on that Saturday, then he was also looking for a different answer in general. An honest answer, and that she’s had some clarity about her feelings (and them) and all that. And also… some indication of a possible future possibility of them.

But… she gave him no such answer (or hope), she included her answers as her boss, and friend, but left out the answer as “a romantic possibility”. (cause based on those 1x08 songs all Max knows is that she has feelings for 2 men & he’s one of the possibilities…yet she’s not showing any indication that she’s leaning towards the possibility of them M/Z.) And I think the order of her answer matters, too. She first replies as his boss, then his friend (and completely leaving out the third pole…which they both know based on the heart song is a role she has, because the songs reveal the persons secret inner feelings). And they’ve been friends for so long, but she’s been his boss for just a short time. So to prioritize that role over friends…gotta hurt, too. And in general her reply was centered around work and work hours - she’ll miss sitting across from him in the office, not that she’ll miss their friends movie nights…

So he’s gotta make a move… instead of just waiting for something that’s never gonna happen.  Cause we might know/see more, but all he knows is the little she’s shared with him. So to his knowledge the heart song is the ONLY indication she’s even considering “them”. He is a romantic at heart, and he “put himself out there”, yet she’s not given him any real answers (all the things she said in 1x07 that he then understood as “she just needs time because of her dad thing, and everything else” and accepted as we saw based on the 1x07 end elevator scene, and was willing to wait and give her space, became “untruths” in his eyes in next episode. So even if she spoke the truth then, he doesn’t believe those words anymore, so for him she has no clarity on the whole thing, and she’s not given him any “hope” or “answers”.)  Edited for clarity />

Unless my other hunch is correct… That Ava is on a spy mission, and the whole recruiting thing is a plan related to the competition for a piece of code between 4th Floor & 6th Floor that is happening in the next episode.  Cause there are just to many coincidences: she approaches him on a day when the 4th Floor boss is gone (on a tech conference…which she might know because of the glitch in the watch software that shared everyones calendar events with everyone else…). And it was just luck that this followed an even where Max showed that he’s good at thinking on his feet (he actually did save the pitch by joining Zoey) And we learned his past good work has also been noticed: the escape room.  This job offer also happens just before the company is about to get an important “job”. Too many coincidences.

And maybe Zoey/we are all wrong, and Joan & Leif both taking that same day off doesn’t mean they’re together, but that Leif is working on another side-project. We’ve seen his sketchy moves with Joan. We know he wanted the job Zoey got. So how do you “hurt” your competitor? You tear her team apart. It could be that Leif is behind this transfer. Cause last episode also told us that everyone in the office are actually very aware of what’s going on between Max & Zoey (interrupting them, hearing their talks & noticing that they’re not hanging out as much lately…which even Simon noticed. So he might’ve overheard them OR he saw S/Z kiss.). So the timing was also good cause IF there would be truth in this then Leif would know the best frends are going through a rough patch, so it was worth to take the gamble (he maybe couldn’t be 100% sure Max wold take the offer, but he might’ve been quite certain)

So much for wild theories…. (This one is topped only by Simon being behind the transfer…to eliminate his competition… when it comes to Zoey. Which I don’t think is true, but oh….what drama it would allow to be written…where he’s not aware that she can hear his secret thoughts & hence will find out. I would want this to be true ONLY for that scene) And though it’s 95% certain that both J & L “missing from the office” at the same day/time is no coincidence (read: they were together…which only makes me want to know more…is Leif playing her because he knows she wrote the peer review or …not), and everything implies that Joan could not just “end it”, I sometimes enjoy coming up with wild/fun theories…

One thing that maybe supports this theory of mine is the actors (Skyler Astin, who playes Max) comment that he started to call the 6th floor DRK POINT… which if we follow the SPRQ POINT logic gives us “DARK POINT” instead of “SPARK POINT”…meaning there is something sketchy going on.

And obviously he’s not gonna stay on the 6th floor, so something has to happen for him to return/be returned. Either it’s a scham, or someone (Joan, The Team, Zoey) “fight for him” & get him to return to the 4th Floor.  

Also..the whole Max/Aca convo in the dark 6th floor parallels his “romantic storyline with Zoey”:

Max: I hadn’t really planned on making a move. Things are pretty fine for me on the 4th Floor.

Ava: Are they? Or are you stuck treading water? Waiting for something to happen that maybe never will?

Again…if we apply these words to the M/Z situation, then it fits, too. He’s “fine” with how things are going with them. And then the scary boss lady makes him question if he really is OK with it. Or is he stuck…waiting for something to happen between them… (for Z. to admit her feelings..etc) …that may never happen… and as a romantic at heart… he needs to know if there’s a future possibility…

The whole 1x09 Z & S plot was a shortened version of what’s been happening between Z & M in several past episodes. Zoey was reacting to Simon not giving her a clear answer. It actually tells us a lot about Z&M, and parallels that story.

Z: We have a chemistry & a bond that is undeniable. I guess I was hoping that after the kiss you’d have some clarity about all of it.  Clarity you still don’t have, and maybe never will. So… I have to make a change instead of just sitting around and waiting & hoping for something to happen. So this is me saying to you..officially… I can’t, and I won’t do this anymore.

If we apply this to the other duo, then the parallrels are obvious. What Zoey was feeling (about Simon’s answers) is exactly what/how Max has been feeling  about her answers to him. And the whole quote/dialogue by Zoey summarizes the other pairings story perfectly: Instead of clear answers Max has gotten vague half-truths from Zoey. If we change a few words/details (”after the kiss” = “after the flash-mob”, then this fits them, too).

And just like Zoey claims she can’t just wait for Simon to have clarity (which he can’t cause he’s not letting himself go through the stages of grief propely..etc) about his feelings,  while hoping something to happen, same applies to Max decision in this episode. His talk with the 6th floor boss tells us that this could’ve been a speech given from Max to Zoey. Cause this is exactly what he’s done by taking the job offer. He can’t just sit around waiting for her to catch up/for something to happen. This is him saying “no mo’”

Both for his & her’s sake. Cause he really needs her to be true to her words, and be 100% honest with him. Tell him how she feels. And he really does “deserve” an answer, not sort-of-answers (avoiding giving him a clear answer…no matter what it is). And she needs to make up her mind on her own, and do what she wants, not what she thinks she should do in his opinion. He wants her to choose on her own…without telling her what she has to do. He has shown her his cards (love confession via flash mob, saying that he’d choose love over lust…but she needs to make her own choice), and now it’s her turn.

This show is known for doing parallel stories. The work related story paralllels the personal storyline of the episode. In 1x08 there was a “glitch” in the watch program & a “glitch” in Zoey’s powers. And trying to fix them led to new issues arising. In 1x08 we heard about Tobin & Leifs SPELLaversary tradition..and in the end Leif sang “I put a SPELL on you” to Joan. And so on…

This all leads me to a theory I’ve had about a coming song/dance number, and this weeks episode told me what the song has to be…IMO. To “solve” all this Zoey has to do a surprise flash-mob performance for Max. To Christina Aguilera’s “What a girl wants”, because if I look at the story so far, then those lyrics summarize the situation (whole s1 arc) almost perfectly. And since there have been kind-of spoilery rumours about another “heart song with a twist” happening later in S1, it matches. Just like the 1x06 flash-mob was real., so will be this one. And this time its not Zoey thinking that Max is just singing her his heart-song (it’s not real), now Max will think that Zoey’s “glitching” again… until he realizes that its real. ETA: DID NOT HAPPEN

A closer look at 1x11: 

In 1x11 Max tells Leif that he's (not sure he's) over Zoey. That his crush/live for her is still there, and to get over her he must pretend/show her that he's doing fine. Then a few moments later we see Zoey signaling him to stop Leif's karaoke singing, and then we see/hear him sing "Bye Bye Bye" to Zoey. And we know he's not really feeling it. He's trying to make her see as if he's over her. 

But even the lines he sings tell us that it's an act. He sings "I loved you endlessly, but you weren't there for me". Even when he is singing "bye bye bye" to her, he is singing a heart song to her, singing about loving her. It is made cldear to the adudience, but not Zoey, that the feelings she hears are not his real feelings, but ones he makes himself feel...because he knows she can rwad his mind, and he has no intention of letting her knwo that he is heartbroken (like Leif), hence he makes himself feel "mad"...and it works... she hears the song he wants her to hear. But he betrayes himself already when he secretly looks at her leaving. 

Then in the end of the episode he "forgives" her...so fast, so easily...and we can see his demeanour change in seconds. He goes from looking unhappy/mad at her...to all smiles. ALl it takes is for her to take the first step..in repairing their "argument". It's made clear that he was hiding his real feelings, and "pretended" to be mad at her. (we know hes uncomfortable with her reading his inner thoughts, and about singing herat songs to her) 

Then all our doubts are gone in the finale, when it is confirmed to everyone that Max can make her hear what he wants her to hear. He can change his thoughts by her request. This is shown when he changes a love song to a sexy song by her request. And then stops singing, and clears his mind of all thoughts...by request. This confirms it to anyone still in doubt. (it's also an interesting piece of info we got. We now have confirmation that he'll do anything she request. And that he can change his heart song, and since he knows she can read his feelings at any moment, he can make himself feel the feels he wants her to "hear" at the moment. He slips at times, when he forgets to check his thoughts, but when he concentrates he's able to choose the tunes his heart sings...)

MY PERSONAL TAKE/THOUGHTS:

As human as her feelings for Simon are (you can’t control who you find attractive…), and as much as this can happen IRL then Zoey/Simon is a no-no… simply because of his relationship status. Cheating storylines are not cool. Hence I cannot stand behind that “ship” or the possibility of accepting them as a viable possibility. IF he didnt have a fiancee, he’d be a candidate, but that’s not the case…he has a SO. Hence Team Simon cannot even be an option. No matter how much they try to promote it all as a love triangle & no matter how much they make Simon make bad decisions and wrong moves (going to her place & talking to her about his feelings, kissing her) seem “nothing serious”…. it’s wrong. It’s just as her best friend decribed it in 1x08. If things were different, yeah, but we’re not talking hypotheticals.

So IMO there’s one clearly wrong choice netween these two. I mean… I would not care if they would have her stay single, or develop new interest (Tobin)…as long as it’s not “morally questionable”. Z/S would be like Joan/Leif started… sketchy, and wrong. And hopefully having seen those two helps Zoey understand that…. see the parallels (she has a hint that one is playing the other)

As for “Max is being too pushy”… here’s how that goes: he’s been in love with his best friend…for some time…and not said a thing. She accidentally finds out after she gets her superpower. And all the while his feelings seem to grow deeper. And now that she’s aware of his feelings, it seems she’s become more aware of her own (similar) feelings and/or she’s developed them. And sure…after his peer reviews (that “he doesn’t show initiative”) & seeing that his best friend is interested in someone else…who would be just another “not good option” similar to her past bad relationship decisions, …and after getting mixed signals from her, he made more direct steps.

He sang her his heart songs, but he didnt push her (no, “Hand picked” is not like a date, just “are you free to go and eat”). She only felt pushed because she could “read his mind”. Also… he didn’t sing to her while being in a relationship with someone else…he kept his distance. And at the same time she seems to have become more and more aware about her feelings for him, and she was giving him “wrong signals”. His response - the flash mob was a response to that. And he was just upset that she ran…without any real response (not interested, can’t right now…cause I’m too occupied with  dad thing). All he wanted was some sort of respose, and he told her so. She avoided telling him how she really feels (as Mo put it… he’ll understand if you say you don’t know, but you owe your friend an answer)...delaying it…as long as she could.  

Also… any rational person would be confused about hearing that someone has superpowers. Again…she avoided giving him an explanation, instead telling him “fairytales of superpowers”. And in the end he was okay with her answer - that she can’t give him an answer at the moment. Even though he was upset, we saw he was still gonna be her friend (even if keeping some distrance, and not doing the movie nights), and that he was sure that one day she’ll be ready (the 1x07 elevator end scene, where both men think she’ll choose them…in the end..when she’s ready)

And in the latest episode we saw that no matter how hurt his feelings were, he did not stop being her friend. As he said “he’ll be there…always…and be the shoulder to lean on”. And you could tell that a huge weight was lifted off his shoulder when he knew her real feelings. When she did what she promised in last episode…be 100% honest with him. Sure… it only happened because of the glitch, when she sang him the heart song, but nonetheless it made things more equal. As he said - it’s unfair that she knows how he feels & can see into his heart but he cannot see into hers. The glitch changed that. Gave him the opportunity to get the answers she “owed him”

So… it’s undertandable that he felt hurt and confused when he saw her sing a heart song to someone else… right after finally giving him some answers. But…during he same conversation he processed it all, and also explained it to her - one song about love, the other about attraction. And he didn’t say “choose me”, he just explained the meanings to her (cause it was obvious she didn’t understand it herself), and told what his choice would be, while saying that he knows she’ll make her decision on her own….cause that ’s what she’s like.

As a friend he doesn’t want her to make the same mistakes she has in the past..hence him being “upset” with her. Cause to him it looks like she wasn’t completely honest (something she promised to be) with him - singing her heart feelings to him, and then to someone else. Claiming that she can’t lose him as a friend and that’s why she’s not ready to try being more than friends, when to an outsider it looks like the real reason is, as he put it - cause she’s confused about her feelings… for two people. All she’d have to tell him…from start… would just be honest and simply just say (more clearly) that she has to focus on her family & dad at this time, and ask for time. She kinda did at the end of 1x07, but because she’s not good with emotions and feelings…and she delayed her answer, she didn’t really let him in…and be the friend she needs at the time, it wasnt as clear as it could’ve been.

So far all his “pushy” behaviour can be seen as being a good friend -  he’s trying to help her not start another overly complicated relationship…which she told him (in Pilot) is not what she wants anymore. He points out to her why Simon is not a good option - he’s taken. Yes, part of his “pushiness” seems to come from trying to be less what his peer reviews decribed him like & competitiveness (knowing Simon is kinda his competition). But from his POV… (before she told him about her superpowers& sang him her heart song)… she’d been shown more interest in him (checking him out, giving mixed signals) & at the same time he’s in a bit of hurry because if he doesn’t act soon she may make a move on the new guy/the new guy may make a move on her. So it makes sense that with all of that happening at the same time he seems…to some… to "push” her towards being more than friends… Cause unconciously he may realize that if he doesn’t make a move …now… he may be too late.

And though it all… he’s still there for her. He might be “mad at her… just a bit”, but he still goes to check on her, still gives her advice, and space… after he knows what’s really going on. (he “pushes” her to confont her feelings about her dad, and deal with it instead of running). He’s not looking for something in return. We saw that over and over in several episodes. He verbalized it in 1x06, and his face/look told it in the end of 1x07 elevator scene.

Also… “Mr Nice Guy” is better than “Mr. Cheater”…any day… in my book. And it surprises me that there are those who think that “nice guy who goes after his best friend” is worse option & worse clichee than the “hot new guy, who is willing to cheat”. For me one is clearly wrong behaviour the other just depends on your preferences.

To quote Mo : Max is funny, and funny always wins. Hence… being Team Max.

So… while up until things got overly complicated, both men could’ve been options, by now the show (writing etc) has made it pretty clear that they’re going for Z/M endgame.

Though the showrunner/writers at times love to focus on the “love triangle” (I still don’t see it in the writing…I only hear it being described so by the showrunner etc), and how they want to continue with that…for a while… which makes it seem a bit like they’re seriously pro “cheating plots” and “human feelings are messy…hence we let the main character continue making bad choices” because “we love the love- triangle drama”, there’s still more evidence in them not really taking it further than the kiss. But yeah… at times the showrunners comments make it sound like he thinks more like the HIMYM creator did and less like Dawson’s Creek creator did. Too fixed in loving the “triangle drama” & not going for character growth… But… I truly hope that all that has just been misleading…and the storytelling is what tells us how it goes.

They already let Simon make a bad move - the kiss. That should be the line over the line that they won’t cross again. He may continue pursuing her by singing songs to her, because he read her heartsong in the wrong way (because he doesn’t know why she did it, and what’s behind it), but if they follow the character growth path, and their current direction… they won’t let him/her go into the “cheating plot” territory again.

Why I’m Team Max

I’m Team Max. Have been since ep 1x01, confirmed in 1x02 (he bought her dad soft food) & I had no doubt by ep 1x06.

I love Z/M friendship (BFF for life), but I also see the romantic potential. I do think they should’ve focused more on their friendship bond during the season, and less on the “triangle”, but I guess I’m also a SUCKER for “best friends to romance” trope? (Mondler, Peraltiago…). He is her support system (now that her dad’s almost gone) & she needs to lean on him & be his support system [she can’t, reeally, right now, cause she’s a mess because of her dad’s health]

Why I’m not Team Simon: see Zoey’s reaction when she goes to buy more Cheesequake & runs into S & J.  One simple, single & clear reason: He has/had a SO/fiancee. That disqualifies him immediately for me. IF he wasn’t, I might consider it as an option, but since he is/was… it’s not an option for me. He might not be any more after 1x09, but all that had happened/he did…happened while he still was. And he/they can’t take it back. But what Simon need right now (after ep 1x09 end) is time alone & processing his grief & everything.

Also… for me personally, S & Z bond is over grief experience. His songs (mostly) have been about needing her help with grief and what it has done to him & his relationships, so what she needs to help him with is that… dealing with the grief. But being a mess & grieving does not excuse any of his behaviour (kissing other women while being engaged…etc). So I support Mo’s speech to him during the brunch & I support Max’s take - S’s totally engaged, morally questionable guy…

The whole S. thing is exactly what the show said Z’s not looking for in relationships in the future: unnecessarily complicated (messy), exhausting for everyone, not good.

I’m Team “good guy BFF wanting more than friendship” over Team “cheating on his fiancee because he’s a mess” any day.

I don’t think she should’ve been actively pursuing anyone during S1 (the time she’s losing her dad), but since the writers decided her focus would be on two men…a lot… then out of those two options only one would work - Max. But not before she’s done some soul searching, and grieving, and character growth. (Hopefully his advice to her at the end of 1x08 finally got through, and she’ll be dealing with her grief actively & hopefully this time with her 1x09 speech she means it that she’s no longer continuing the emotional affair with the engaged-til-now-man (she played a big part in breaking them up…even if the roots of S&J’s problems were from long ago…) and focuses her time & energy on the #1 man in her life..her dad.

...even though “right now” (up to ep 1x09) , being the messes they are & having no clarity, and not leaning on their suppor system, and instead trying to “cheat” on their best friend/fiancee… S. & Z. “deserve” each other. They both are avoiding dealing with their grief, and both are not taking advice from loved ones, instead doing what they say they won’t do anymore… the next moment.

One step forward two steps back - it has made me kinda dislike both characters (and its never a good sign, when I start disliking the main character because of the writing…which tries so hard to create drama where there is none), cause as “human” as it is for them to be like this because of their grief, they are both “voluntarily” making the wrong choices… even if they keep getting good advice on how to deal with things…they ignore it & say it’s cause of “grief”… yet neither was actually dealing with the emotions regarding their dads.

And both “blame” it on their grief. When it all could be easily “fixed” if they just talked to their loved ones (she to family & best friends M&M) & he to his fiancee and therapist (if he doesn’t have any other family)… then they would’t be constantly doing the opposite of character growth.

But sadly… IF the show would go there with S&Z  then since there is nothing besides the grief bond [and physical attraction] there, then after they satisfy that… it’s over after that one night [I still cant believe that the cheating kiss did not give them both clarity…without question…but TV writers love their love triangle + “cheating” drama…even if it feels completely unorganic & non appealing] because all of it was built on a big “lie” - she didn’t “get” him, she used her superpower to connect with him, and you can’t build a lasting relationship on such foundation.

So I have no idea why the show is focusing so much time on trying to claim these two are an option…instead of showing them both grow as characters, and actually deal with their grief… with the help of people, who actually can help. (So yes, I am dealing with it all by ignoring the “love triangle” claims and the two characters acting stupid & only focusing on the “one step forward” grief support bits…not the “2 steps back…emotional chating” bits..during my re-watch of the eps aired so far.)

[floorbed]

oooh! 1 2 3 and 37 for pen agni and echo !!

thank you raven 🥺 under a readmore bc i cant shut up

1. what is their big three (sun moon rising)?

pen is a gemini sun cancer moon leo rising

agni is an aquarius sun capricorn moon aquarius rising

and echo is a gemini sun scorpio moon scorpio rising <3

2. what is their relationship with their sexual orientation?

pen be like [confusing bc he lived in the dominion Time]. like. his crush is the reason why he got exiled from his home. so like. self hatred time . but also hes only ever had two crushes his entire life so like romantic attraction is something real new to him that hes like . working out mentally . also he loves the idea of love and everything so just like . yeah . so much there

agni is a lesbian <3 but i dont think shes thought about it that much! shes had lil 😳 moments from time to time but her first ever like Feelings Moment was with seras so yeah like pen shes figuring it out as she goes it is v new territory for her

echo [long sigh] so like in echos mind. she is based and built different and has never had attraction or feelings for Anyone . this is incorrect and shes bi But in her Mind she is above concepts like romance etc etc

3. what is their relationship with their gender identity?

Penance The Gender. so like. there is a lot there mentally that pen isnt fully aware of but i know what he is dealing w bc i have more emotional maturity than him. okay so like he experiences a lot of body dysphoria and like has intimacy issues bc of his body dysphoria etc. but he isnt dysphoric about like. his pronouns or being referred to as a boy he likes being the prettiest boy in tuithil. he just wishes he was born w a different body. Penance However Doesnt Understand This Abt Himself And Is Just Confused and Feels Weird

agni is afab and identifies as a woman but has definitely had Gender Moments she is just too disconnected with her sense of self and her physical form to care how others perceive her and how she perceives herself so she just lets it be

echo is a cis girl and she doesnt experience any Gender Moments she is just vibing

37. if you could give your character one piece of advice, what would you tell them?

for pen: little one. bitch you are a whole ass person with so much selfhood you deserve agency like you dont exist to be consumed by others you exist for yourself and like please figure out your identity separate from your complexes

for agni: bitch!!! develop healthy coping strategies!!! sometimes it feels easier to make your psychosis worse by doing things that will fuck with your brain instead of just waiting for it to get worse on its own but that isnt agency thats just self destruction!! take care of your mind and your body bitch!!!

for echo: christ. you dont need to actively alienate yourself from ever developing meaningful connections in your life to like Get Back At The World . like that isnt going to change anything its just going to make you lonely and miserable . let yourself unabashedly care for others let urself be human

[revolutionary-demosthenes]

Essay 8: treading lightly when it comes to “the subject of wife”

Alexander Hamilton found out that John Laurens had a wife when he saw letters from her. Gregory Massey claims that John Laurens didn’t tell Hamilton about his wife (whom Laurens had married in London because of an accidental pregnancy) because John didn’t think about them once he came to America. Which could be true to an extent, but I still feel like that’s kind of too basic a thing to keep from someone you are close to. This could be evidence towards Laurens harboring feelings towards Hamilton early on, since the beginning of a relationship is usually getting to know each other. It also could just have been a painful topic he wanted to get away from, but I like my theories.

Anyway, this essay isn’t about Laurens’s wife! (Though that will come at some point.) It is about Hamilton’s wife, and more specifically how Hamilton told Laurens about his engagement and marriage, and why he did so.

Hamilton first met Elizabeth Schuyler in the winter of 1777, but only became close to her when she arrived at the military camp in 1780. In April of that year, they became engaged. 

If Hamilton and Laurens were only close friends, I would imagine that Hamilton would be glad and proud to tell Laurens about his fiancé… after all, she was part of one of the most influential families in America, the Schuylers. But instead of writing him immediately, he waited until June to drop the news.

In a letter dated June 30, 1780, Hamilton writes: 

“Have you not heard that I am on the point of becoming a benedict? I confess my sins. I am guilty. Next fall completes my doom. I give up my liberty to Miss Schuyler. She is a good hearted girl who I am sure will never play the termagant; though not a genius she has good sense enough to be agreeable, and though not a beauty, she has fine black eyes—is rather handsome and has every other requisite of the exterior to make a lover happy. And believe me, I am lover in earnest, though I do not speak of the perfections of my Mistress in the enthusiasm of Chivalry.

Is it true that you are confined to Pensylvania? Cannot you pay us a visit? If you can, hasten to give us a pleasure which we shall relish with the sensibility of the sincerest friendship.”

A couple of things about this: Firstly, note the tone in the first bit of this. In the April 1779 letter when Hamilton jokes about a wife, he uses a tone much like this. Joking and implying marriage is a chore. “I confess my sins. I am guilty. Next fall completes my doom.” I read this as a sort of assurance to Laurens. Hamilton doesn’t want to sound super serious, he wants to joke around like he did about women before getting engaged to one. He also uses negative terms to describe his marriage. “Doom” “sins” “guilty.” This could be joking around, but it also could be trying to make Laurens believe that he was only marrying for status. “Confess” is also an interesting choice of words here. Confessing has the connotation of telling something you are afraid of sharing with someone. Hamilton is confessing to Laurens that he’s engaged. Again, this could be part of the not-so-serious tone, but... I mean, we know how good Hamilton was at those double meanings. And particularly at hiding his main meaning through humor, which is also evidenced in the April 1779 letter.

Secondly, look at Hamilton’s description of his wife in this letter. “She is a good hearted girl who I am sure will never play the termagant; though not a genius she has good sense enough to be agreeable, and though not a beauty, she has fine black eyes—is rather handsome and has every other requisite of the exterior to make a lover happy.” And though he then adds “And believe me, I am lover in earnest, though I do not speak of the perfections of my Mistress in the enthusiasm of Chivalry.” He still at first describes his wife in a, shall we say, lukewarm tone. Compare this with Hamilton’s description of his ideal wife in the April 1779 letter, and it falls flat. If Hamilton was describing Laurens in that letter, as is speculated in this post by @john-laurens, he could be basically telling Laurens, “I love you more.” 

Finally, Hamilton asks if Laurens can come and visit them. Possibly just to “give us a pleasure which we shall relish with the sensibility of the sincerest friendship.” But also perhaps because something as complicated as explaining to Laurens Hamilton’s wife was something easier and safer to do in person. 

The next time Hamilton mentions Eliza is a later letter, writing on Sep. 16, 1780:

“In spite of Schuylers black eyes, I have still a part for the public and another for you; so your impatience to have me married is misplaced; a strange cure by the way, as if after matrimony I was to be less devoted than I am now.”

Well, alright, first of all, the fact that Hamilton expresses something like this so clearly is telling. What is he doing here? Assuring Laurens that the love he feels for Eliza won’t affect the love that he and Laurens have. 

“A strange cure” also is an interesting line, because friendship was not seen as something to be ‘cured’ of in that time, but being in a sexual relationship with someone of the same gender was.

Now, time for speculation and reading way too much into the quote “A part for the public and another for you...” This could certainly be more of Hamilton assuring Laurens his love won’t wane... but is it possible that Hamilton was implying here that Eliza was part of his public life? Perhaps again trying to convince Laurens that he had married solely for status? (Which fairly definitively isn’t true. He loved Eliza.)

So again, this is Hamilton assuring Laurens that their relationship doesn’t have to change over Eliza. 

This tone is in quite a contrast to where Hamilton was joking about his “doom” in the last letter. There is a missing letter from Laurens right before this one, so probably something in that letter caused Hamilton’s change in tone when talking about his wife. He went from essentially “Haha I’m getting a wife feel sorry for me” (and the sexism in these letters is whole other issue) to “no no no please don’t worry I love you and that won’t change because of Eliza.”

Then Hamilton says, 

“I wish you were at liberty to transgress the bounds of Pensylvania. I would invite you after the fall to Albany to be witness to the final consummation. My Mistress is a good girl, and already loves you because I have told her you are a clever fellow and my friend; but mind, she loves you a l’americaine not a la françoise.”

To keep this brief... consummation is to (according to dictionary.com) “complete (the union of a marriage)” by having sex. 

This again seems to be, yes, joking, but also assurance that the two relationships were not mutually exclusive. In other words, Hamilton is making sure Laurens knows that he still desires that sort of connection with him.

I’ll do a longer post on this at some point, but basically Hamilton seemed to see his relationships with Laurens and Eliza as fairly separate. Laurens was his lover in the war, his “forbidden” love. They connected on a more professional level, shared more interests and were close not just in a romantic and sexual way, but in a way that allowed them to understand each other’s experiences based on their own. (In some ways. Obviously Hamilton’s upbringing was much different from Laurens’s.) That is, I believe, part of what makes their relationship so special.

Eliza Hamilton was his marital relationship. Because of the sexism and lack of opportunities for women at the time, Eliza was (during Hamilton’s lifetime at least) a more domestic person. But she was just as important as Laurens in that she was probably someone whom Hamilton could just confide in, receive comfort and advice from. The companion who was always there, unlike Laurens. And though they wouldn’t likely converse for hours on war (I mean, I don't think they did,) Hamilton probably needed that break from his insane professional/soldier life. 

What I’m saying, is that the relationships occupied different spheres. But what would have happened once the war was over, and the spheres began to collide? Laurens may have been right to worry about that, and Hamilton may have known he would. So he wrote several passages that seem to be pretty specifically trying to alleviate possible jealousy from Laurens, things the likes of which he did not write to other friends. 

Let me also say that this topic is one widely discussed and this essay is influenced by multiple sources.