#He would literally make such a wonderful father it drives me insane.

[chilapis]

Speaking of family…. Chilapis family? 5 children. Maybe more.

[iridescentmirrorsgenshin]

Hello again! I was the anon that asked what interactions you would like to see with Alhaitham and Kaveh (and I am the reader that made the two listed comments). Thank you for the thoughtful response. It's so interesting to hear your perspective of these two. I hope you had a nice vacation. My one takeaway from Cyno story quest act II is that Cyrus was acquainted with the Sumeru crew's parents. He was shown in the photo from Kaveh's handout standing behind Alhaitham's father. I don't imagine they were close or anything, but it does make me intrigued. I wonder if they would explore more of that group in the future, given how they relate (literally and in parallels) with the Sumeru crew.

Hiya! I’ve finally managed to find time to dedicate to this ask, it’s scratched the itch in my brain! I, apparently, have quite a few thoughts about this topic so thank you for asking! Also !!! Thank you for previous asks AND the listed comments on my fic??? I truly appreciate the time you must have spent :,D <3333

This!! The specific detail of Cyrus canonically being mentioned to personally have met, not only Kaveh’s father and mother and tighnari’s parents, but ALSO alhaitham’s parents drives me insane because of how it is directly unmentioned.

It’s uncertain as to the extent of Cyno’s actual relationship with kaveh’s or alhaitham’s parents, but based on what Kaveh’s mother wrote, she, personally, didn’t seem to be close with cyrus, as she records their meeting to be the first instance in which she has met all the attendees. She records that her and her husband were invited to a gathering, but she knew none of those in attendance, only that her husband seemed to be friends with “the man with long ears” - being tighnari’s father. nothing is said about kaveh’s father knowing the other people in attendance, but as it isn’t specified, it also isn’t impossible? faranak does write that it’s unlikely they’ll see any of the people in attendance again after the gathering - but i imagine that tighnari’s father here is an exception, given that he and kaveh’s father are recorded to be friends (also, the only inkling i have for the 'talkative woman' is potentially madam faruzan? but as this is so vague i'm not too sure about speculating)

kaveh’s mother having canonically met alhaitham’s parents drives me a little bit !??!!?? because kaveh notes that the figures in the drawing seem familiar, which, of course, doesn’t mean he has identified alhaitham’s parents, especially after he disregards any potential connection with “maybe we were thinking too much.” but given tighnari’s father being a fennec it is rather odd(?) that he doesn’t make a more personal connection, at least to tighnari's father being the "friend" to his father that his mother writes about

however, in terms of what the narrative is trying to achieve in kaveh's hangout, it does make sense that these dots aren’t connected. the point here isn’t that kaveh recognises these figures, but rather that he relates the companionship in the drawing to those around him. kaveh’s hangout is very much symbolic, being that each figure in faranak’s drawing is meant to represent kaveh’s friendship group, meaning he should rely on his friends, tighnari, cyno, and alhaitham - as the quest is entitled “companionship, the sole antidote”

the fact kaveh DOESN’T identify cyrus in the picture leaves room for development, or future mention of this. Cyrus canonically talks to zaha hadi, kaveh’s mother’s lecturer, about kaveh, and zaha hadi is the person whom kaveh turns to in order to learn about his mother when she was younger.

There’s definitely potential to draw upon here - if cyrus knows he has met kaveh’s parents in the past, and he and kaveh have a personal rapport due to kaveh’s friendships with cyno and tighnari, it seems strange that he omits this detail? Especially, if it’s considered canon that kaveh’s hangout has taken place in-game, then cyrus, given that zaha hadi mentions kaveh to him, might be aware that kaveh has been asking about his mother?

(A counter to this would be that due to cyrus’s potential limited encounter with both kaveh’s father and mother, and that it took place over thirty years ago, he has no basis to open this dialogue with kaveh, as it may be a sore spot (This could also apply with cyrus having met alhaitham’s parents - perhaps he simply only met them once, but still, i crave alhaitham parent crumbs) - however, in an ideal world, this could be some sort of catalyst or feed into the idea of kaveh potentially reaching out to his mother in future events, perhaps with cyrus referencing this past gathering(?)

Now, moving onto tighnari’s parents, who are very much alive and well, and also have canonically met kaveh’s parents - with tighnari’s father being directly stated to be close with kaveh’s father, in terms of the gathering at least. with tighnari and kaveh being friends due to exchanging letters during the construction of the palace of alcazarzaray, rather than tighnari’s parents’ influence, could indicate that kaveh’s mother dropped all contact with any friends or acquaintances, which i think likely. however, i am !??!!?? very confused about this implication

tighnari’s parents would, of course, know that kaveh is tighnari’s close friend, and i presume that kaveh has met tighnari’s parents at some point, so from this, i would imagine that tighnari’s parents having known/met kaveh’s parents may have come up at some point? Especially with tighnari’s father being recorded as being friends with kaveh’s father, at least from faranak’s perspective?

in terms of the canon, however, this appears to not be the case, so i would LOVE for this to be mentioned at some point!! Especially as sumeru cast heavily revolves around family, found and biological (i’m looking at you cyno’s second story quest)

In terms of alhaitham’s parents, the only mentions of them are in alhaitham’s character stories and here in kaveh’s hangout. there’s no indicator as to whether alhaitham’s parents were close or just acquaintances with cyrus, kaveh’s father, or tighnari’s parents, but in my mind i think it’s interesting that his character stories record his grandmother teaching him of his parents, and his retaining part of his parents’ book collection when his grandmother passes. basically i think alhaitham treasures what he does know of his parents, and i think a lil mention of them by people we KNOW met them, if only for one gathering, would be appreciated

So this links directly to kaveh’s mother - if she is ever mentioned in the future, it would be INSANE wish fulfilment if her drawing was returned to, and the figures were identified, and memories from those present and alive could be shared

(I also think it’s so funny that her son is roommates/innately bound by mirror symbolism/married to the son of the people she thought were uncomfortable and awkward. basically i am in DIRE need of a kaveh and faranak reunion and for them to sort their issues, obviously for kaveh’s development and reconciliation within himself, but also for a faranak-alhaitham interaction…. Can you imagine. Now i have thoughts about that, but this has gotten off topic!!!)

Of course, i’m aware that i’m overthinking a lot of this, and this could be one of the many plot discrepancies within genshin, and that as a result of creating symbolism, in-game implications were created that weren’t supposed to be touched upon, but i think a lot of fun comes with discussing and hypothesising (manifesting) these things!!

Thank you so much for your ask!! Delving back into this part of kaveh’s hangout is always a treat, so i hope you enjoy reading my brainrot :,)

[austinslounge]

I honestly tried to like Kaia, I truly did, but I can’t stand this shit anymore. Her desperate attempts to be popular, seem interesting and ”deep” are driving me insane at this point. I know it’s probably not her fault, but her parents’, they made her this cringy attention-seeker after all. I can’t understand what Austin sees in her other than her family’s connections or just a plain PR agreement. She has no personality, she always tries to gain popularity by copying her mother(or people she’s dating). It’s funny how she doesn’t even look that much like Cindy, sure, she’s beautiful, but Presley literally stole Cindy’s face. Her attempts to seem intelligent are also miserable. I’ve never seen any of her book club readings, because for me, most of her book recommendations are just airplane reads, but I’ve seen many people say that even when she’s talking about books, it seems scripted and staged. Like someone just gave her a summary and she retells what happened in the book, that’s it. I mean, what intelligence? She never even bothered to take basic acting classes. Her comments about nepotism speak volumes too. During the pandemic she bragged about having dinner reservations and partying with her friends. Her merch is awful. With all her money and resources, she could have made some really good stuff, but why would she?Her small insane fan base will pay 50$ for an ugly white shirt with a caption either way. She’s desperately clinging to anyone who can give her even the smallest amount of fame, her following people and then unfollowing them if they don’t follow back. The way she was clinging to Austin hardcore in July, dragging him away from his fans, when he wanted to interact with them. Her stupid cake for his birthday. Don’t even get me started on how she makes out with her female friends constantly or throws herself on her male costars or short SNL guys. I don’t know why I feel so annoyed and disgusted by her all the time. I swear, this girl spoils my excitement for Austin and his work every fucking time. Nepotism is not always a bad thing, there are talented nepo babies, but she’s like the epitome of everything I hate about nepotism. I don’t know how she can rub shoulders with people who actually have talent, get invited to all these awards and red carpets. Kaia had plenty of time to prove that she’s worth something, she’s been in the industry since she was a child, but no. Why would she prove anything? Her mother is Cindy Crawford, her father is a millionaire worth 400 million, her boyfriend is Austin Butler. I just wish she will go away finally. No matter how hard I try, I can’t warm up to her. Sadly, looking at the state she is now, you can clearly tell that the girl has issues, but sadly,having no brain,she can’t understand that she’s a tragedy about to happen.

💯

Girl! I wish I could give you an award for this post. You basically hit the nail squarely on the head with the many various reasons why a lot of us in Austin's fandom don't like this girl! I'd be saying the exact same thing if Austin were dating another woman just like this. I'm actually verrry surprised that people haven't called Kaia out on her very obvious clout-chasing by now.

I'll be honest, I never really cared for her even when she was dating Elordi. I don't hate her, she's just meh to me. Always has been. So my thoughts and feelings about her are not about Austin. It's more so about what I've observed about her over the years.

Her dating Austin just makes things even more unbearable though -- especially when you know that he could do so much better. 😩 But hey, it's his life, not mine!

When I realized they were dating however, I really did try to like her too, or at least give her a chance. I saw that Austin was with her, so I was trying to be a "good fan"and see what he may see in her. But last year, I started seeing more and more negative things that I just didn't like about her.

I really don't have much to add to this wonderful post, because you basically touched on the many various reasons why a lot of AB fans don't really care for her. I also think she makes Austin look cheap with her weird behavior and interests. 👀 She really cheapens his brand imo. But that's a topic for another day lol.

[starsreminisce]

Tell me when you knew,” (Lucien) demanded, his knee pressing into mine. “That Rhysand was your mate. Tell me when you stopped loving Tamlin and started loving him instead.”

I chose not to answer.

“Was it going on before you even left?”

I whipped my head to him, even if I could barely make out his features in the dark. “I never touched Rhysand like that until months later.”

“You kissed Under the Mountain.”

“I had as little choice in that as I did in the dancing.”

“And yet this is the male you now love.” HE IS SO REAL FOR ALL OF THIS

Lucien is literally going through the same thing as Feyre did, and it's easy to forget that Feyre had only just accepted the mating bond a few days before she went back to the Spring Court.

Lucien just received confirmation that his mate wasn't the one his father murdered—the one he was so convinced was his mate that he left his court over it. She never was. Feyre spent a significant portion of ACOMAF waiting for her mating bond to snap with Tamlin and didn't believe that her mate was Rhys because she didn't see herself as his equal.

But the hurt and guilt I expected weren’t there. Lucien slowly released his grip. “I need to find her.” “You don’t even know Elain. The mating bond is just a physical reaction overriding your good sense.” “Is that what it did to you and Rhys?”

This exchange too stood out because of what made Feyre finally figured out that she was mated to Rhys:

Because he’d been injured, and I’d gone out of my mind—absolutely insane—when he’d been taken from me, shot out of the sky like a bird. I’d acted on instinct, on a drive to protect him that had come from so deep in me … So deep in me—

Feyre used both skills she developed when she was human (forever iconic using her scent on Rhys's fingers to track him) and shapeshifting from Tamlin despite her reservations to track him down. This mirrors Lucien using his hidden powers to get to Elain.

Sometimes I do wonder if Lucien started getting doubts that Jesminda was his mate and that's why he became ridden with guilt. Perhaps he started having visions or dreams of Elain after UTM, similar to how Rhys did with Feyre before she came over the wall. He also started to pull away from his usual dallying to put a hard stop on Ianthe. The combination of seeing Feyre die and come back to life because of the mating bond might have forced him to face the truth that Jesminda wasn't his mate. Feyre was resurrected due to the bond, while Jesminda was not.

Lucien was well within his rights to question this. Why was he able to react in such a way for someone he never met before but not for the female he loved? The only person who could have helped him process it would have been Feyre, but I don't think Feyre could explain it in a way that Lucien would understand, especially when it's still new to her. We see this when she asked Rhys why Azriel wasn't Elain's mate, seeing Elain and Azriel sitting quietly together, and knowing Lucien isn't someone like that. It's telling that the more she started to understand being someone's mate and being mated to someone, she never brought up Azriel and Elain again, even in her own POV.

As for Lucien, he finally understood when Elain turned to him and he took in her face. Lucien and Elain will always have this pull towards each other, will always have a tug, will always know the other better than anyone else can compare because they have a literal soul-bridge to each other. But it still takes two people to make it work.

The revelation of the mating was always the confirmation of being endgame. It doesnt matter when it was revealed.

Love this quote, thank you for reminding me!

[therainscene]

Crazy together: Byler, Cthulhu, and cosmic horror

Cthulhu is a queer horror film from 2007 that I've always been fond of. I rewatched it recently and was struck by some of its similarities to Stranger Things: small town vibes, conformity themes, cosmic horror as queer allegory, a gay protagonist with a childhood best friend slash love interest named Mike...

The film has an ambiguously villainous ending for its main character, Russ Marsh, and it's an ending that suits this story pretty well, imo -- so given how much it reminds me of Will's story, I thought it would be interesting to compare the two.

[Content warning for rape and (bloody) attempted suicide, both depicted in the movie and mentioned below the cut.]

👆 [That's the entire movie available for free on YouTube, courtesy of its director. You don't need to watch it to understand this analysis tho. Spoilers ahead.]

Cthulhu is a (very) loose adaptation of The Shadow over Innsmouth, a cosmic horror story about an outsider who arrives in a small fishing town and unearths a cult that interbreeds with immortal sea-dwelling monsters. He ends up making the horrifying discovery that he's descended from the cult's founder and thus doomed to turn into a monster himself.

The film uses this premise to talk about queerness: As an openly gay man, Russ has always been an outsider and was never going to participate in his hometown's, uh, traditions. Unfortunately, his father is the cult's leader and his sister is infertile -- Russ must participate.

[Yes, that's Cara Buono. If you enjoyed her portrayal of Karen as a loving but deeply conformist family member who does a better job of supporting the status quo than supporting her loved one, but just wished her character was more one-dimensional -- then this is the movie for you!]

Russ doesn't actually know much about the cult at the start of the film -- he fled to the city in his teens and dismisses his father's proselytizing as "Joseph Smith frontier horseshit" -- so it isn't until he returns for his mother's funeral that he begins to unravel the truth.

It's a good metaphor for how it feels to look back on a bigoted or abusive upbringing and realize: wow, that was a lot more fucked up than I thought it was.

As you might expect from cosmic horror though, this isn't a healing or empowering process for Russ.

Rather, he just keeps running into brutal reminders of how powerless he is in the face of the town's overwhelming, ingrained homophobia: at one point he's raped to satisfy his father's need for an heir; at another he's falsely jailed for the rape and murder of a boy he was trying to rescue from the cult.

It's similar to the torture Will endures in S1 and S2: he's kidnapped and symbolically raped, reflecting Troy's coded "killed by some other queer" comment, then bullied for having the audacity to survive it. He even stands up to a literal eldritch monstrosity and is rewarded for his bravery with yet more loss of autonomy.

You might be wondering if these stories even count as cosmic horror. Cthulhu only ever vaguely hints at the existence of, well, Cthulhu, and Stranger Things (which deliberately tweaks its genre every season) reveals that the Mind Flayer was basically just some guy all along.

But I think it's a bit of a misconception that cosmic horror is about star-sized masses of eyeballs and tentacles that drive you insane with their inhuman incomprehensibility.

Really, cosmic horror is about powerlessness, inevitability, and comprehending all too well. To know that horrors exist beyond the everyday facade of human existence -- whether they take the form of unknowable monstrosities from the void or of violent bigotry in an otherwise pleasant town -- is to know that your existence is nothing more than a delicate soap bubble floating in a vast, uncaring universe made exclusively of sharp edges. Even if you return to the everyday world, you can never return to blissful ignorance.

And that’s what drives you insane.

Will has something of a knowledge motif following him around: He's a wizard named Will the Wise. He illuminates. He has True Sight. He's a super-spy. He's part of the hive mind. He was studied in the lab. He was violated at school and in a library. His neck prickles when Vecna is close. He knows what Vecna is thinking.

It's too much cursed knowledge for one little boy to bear.

But he doesn't have to bear it alone.

Will is lucky to have a bunch of loving friends and family, and their support does a lot to help him cope... but even his fiercest supporters, Joyce and Jonathan, tend to be absent for long swathes of time. There's only one character who can be consistently found by Will's side through the majority of every season, and that's the boy who promised to go crazy with him.

[Strictly speaking Mike wasn't by his side in S1... but he fought hard to bring him home the whole time they were apart. Tomayto tomahto.]

Russ has a Mike too. (Literally -- his name is Michael Shields lol.) His childhood best friend reconnects with him soon after he arrives back in town and pretty much immediately becomes his sole trusted confidant as Russ falls down the cultist rabbit hole.

A quick aside -- Russ's past with Mike is a glimpse into a possible future for Byler.

Russ and Will have both been saved by their Mikes from giving in to the despair of being treated so brutally by their towns: Russ's Mike caught him mid-suicide attempt when they were teenagers--

--and Will's Mike, of course, helped rescue him from the Upside Down and sat patiently with him the whole time he was possessed.

Unfortunately, both Mikes are also conformists who are unwilling to leave the safety of comphet. Russ ran away to a more liberal environment where he could exist in peace, but Mike stayed behind and married a woman. This could easily end up being Byler's fate too.

So while Russ and Will might be alive thanks to their Mikes, they now have to live the rest of their lives without the love of the boy who gave them the drive to face it in the first place.

And it isn't as though the boy doesn't want to love him back.

The jury is officially still out on Byler, but Russ's backstory is very much not about a sad gay boy having to get over his sad gay crush on his straight best friend -- it's about a pair of would-be lovers getting torn apart by a town that refuses to let them be themselves.

I want to emphasize that both of these pairings consist of a visibly gay guy and a straight-passing guy.

In both stories it's typically the visibly queer one who actually interacts with the horrors, while the straight-passing one tends to observe from a position of relative safety, either escaping before anything too nasty happens to him, or more often, simply learning about the horrors second-hand from the visible one.

(There's one key exception at the end of Cthulhu -- but we'll come back to that.)

This is such an important dynamic that it's even unsubtly foreshadowed in Byler's first scene together:

This informs the way the characters support each other. We've already seen the obvious the safe one acts as a mental tether for the endangered one so he doesn't go insane with despair dynamic, but there's a reversal too: the authentic one inspires the conformist to join him in what was never really insanity so much as a different way of looking at the world.

Russ doesn't have any designs on seducing Mike -- much like Will, all he expects is some support from his best friend -- but his dogged questioning of the town's status quo still leads directly to Mike breaking out of comphet and admitting to what he's always really wanted:

[Learn from your elders, Byers: this is the proper way to respond when your love interest says that home just isn't the same without you.]

But Cthulhu's protagonists are confident adults who know how to quickly resolve their romantic tension. Byler are frightened kids in a five-act coming-of-age story -- their version is a little messier.

Mike has always been inspired by Will, right from the very first episode -- he decided to risk looking for him in the woods because he figured that's what his brave and kind friend Will would do.

The first two seasons thus show us Byler's dynamic at its best: an endless feedback loop of Will's strength and insight inspires Mike and Mike's devotion supports Will. (Very cleric and paladin of them.) But they're still children at this point, and don't really notice the blossoming queerness in their relationship yet.

S3 adds puberty to the mix and oh boy do they notice the queerness now. Too scary no thank you cancel unsubscribe uninstall. Will's bravery falters. Mike devotes himself to the grim duty of having a girlfriend. The loop breaks under the pressure.

They fight about it in the same location that introduced us to their dynamic and call each other out on failing to hold up their respective ends of the bargain:

"Why aren't you there for me anymore?"

"Why are you refusing to face reality all of a sudden?"

Note that Will's knowledge motif makes a return here -- just before the fight, he dresses up in his Will the Wise costume in an effort to inspire Mike again. But the tone of the scene is silly and cringey -- as correct as Will is to point out that they don't need to abandon their childhood dynamic just because they're growing up, pretending that it isn't going to mature as they age is, um. Unsustainable.

Deep down, Will knows that he'll eventually have to address the terrifying truth that keeps tapping insistently at the back of his neck.

By S4, Mike is starting to come around -- he's still deep in comphet, but he at least recognizes that it's making him unhappy, so he reaches out to Will the Wise for advice. Unfortunately, Will learned the wrong lesson in S3, and all the advice he offers is designed to push Mike back into the arms of comphet.

By the end of the season, Will has even orchestrated a grand heterosexual love confession in the foolish hope that sacrificing his heart on the altar of heteronormativity might finally make the horrors go away. (How's that working out for you, Byers?)

And so we've arrived at that ambiguously villainous ending.

By the climax of Cthulhu, Russ has uncovered the awful truth: his mother was murdered by his father to lure him home, extract offspring from him, and trigger the apocalypse. It's already begun; there's no stopping it. Shambling horrors -- his ancestors -- emerge from the rising sea. Russ is expected to become the immortal leader of this sunken new world.

He and Mike make plans to flee town together, but Russ runs into his father. He's brought to the shore to admire his kingdom before being handed a weapon and commanded to make sacrifice to Cthulhu:

Russ glances between Mike and his father, assessing his options. Soon even the cities will be consumed; he can't Smalltown Boy his way out of this again.

He raises his weapon--

--cut to black, roll credits.

All too often, queer villainy is shown from a straight perspective, presenting queerness as inherently threatening. This is the type of villainy embodied by Vecna: he's a vengeful and predatory outcast who forces his version of reality on others (especially children) and refuses to compromise his dangerous nature.

Cthulhu shows us queer villainy from a queer perspective. Russ, like Will, is harmless: he's kind, has no interest in vengeance, and just wants to live his life in peace. What drives him to villainy is the temptation to throw queerness under the bus in the twisted belief that appeasing the majority is the key to escaping homophobia.

Of course, there is no escape. Sacrificing the man who trusted him to guide him gently into the reality of queerness just means he's succumbed to the madness and become a homophobe himself.

S4 concludes with Will in a similar position to Russ: teetering on the precipice of madness as he helplessly watches the world fall apart at the hands of the villain who would stop at nothing to force him to join his cause.

But where their situations differ is in what cause that villain represents.

Russ's antagonist is a straight homophobe, representing societal homophobia -- far too powerful a force for one man and his lover to have any hope of defeating. But Will's antagonist is that offensively queer-coded-for-straights villain, representing internalized homophobia -- all along, the prickling at the back of Will's neck has been his own instincts warning him of what happens when you allow bigots and abusers to have a say in how you define yourself.

True love can certainly defeat that.

Unlike Russ, Will hasn't reached the end of his story yet--

--and unlike his older namesake, Mike isn't kneeling on the sacrificial altar, but standing by the side of the boy he promised to go crazy with, ready to face the horrors of Hawkins -- together.

[@bylerween2023 day 4 🐙]

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

The desert people in mangahood drive me mad because I actually like that Ishvalans have unique characteristics rarely seen in fantasy (usually white-haired people with unusual eye colours are light-skinned like in Game of Thrones) but also realistically....you would think that there would be a portion of Ishvalans with Xerxesian features because they're the closest neighbours to this lost civilisation, not Amestris, and unless all the people of Xerxes were locked in their city, they would have likely married into the local Ishvalan population as well

Like in my head Ishvalans actually live across the entire desert area (not unlike early decentralised Arab societies) with Ishvalans like Scar being sedentary inhabitants of lands closer to Amestris and those in the heart of the desert being nomads - and you would THINK that because of their closer proximity to Xerxes, there would be gold-eyed Ishvalans but NO because then the Ed wouldn't get to ev a special little descendant of a lost people

Also on a conspiratorial note, I have always wondered whether the reason Ishvalans have a negative attitude towards alchemy is because of Xerxes.

Given the lore in 03 and mangahood! Scar's brother saying that alkahestry's principles has similarities with Ishvalan religious beliefs, I think it's not too outlandish to speculate that Ishvalans practiced alchemy to some extent until they saw their prosperous and powerful neighbour (who were even more into alchemy than themselves) literally die in one night. I'd burn the records too and place a ban on the practice as a safety measure fhsnjd

Now I'm actually incredibly insane because the Ishvalan genocide absolutely did not need to be so bloody. All the other blood seals in the country get away with a riot or a battle, but Ishvalans were systematically exterminated; I saw somebody else in the tag wonder whether Father had personal issues with this desert civilisation that, despite its abandonment of alchemy, might be able to see through his schemes because their knowledge of the craft (lost though it might be) predates Amestrian knowledge - and really he was right because Scar's brother cracked the code years before anybody else!!!!

I just had to share my thoughts with you in light of your recent reblog🙏🏻 And also thank you for always answering your asks so thoughtfully!!!

[The reblog that this ask is in reference to.]

Oh shit, hey cool Miles/Scar anon! Always good to see an ask from ya again! :D

[Reply under the readmore]

Anime has no shortage of darker skinned characters with white hair, but certainly the combination of red eyes is less common. I appreciate that fma as a broad series does also have melanated characters with dark hair as well, so it manages to largely avoid the "singular ambiguous ethnic group, no other dark skin tones with realistic dark hair/eyes anywhere to be seen" trope. But you're not wrong, other types of media, particularly from the West, keeps different hair and eye colours for light skin/white fantasy 'races'.

(To digress a bit, I do prefer 03 having the Ishbalans be diverse in their hair colours, so as not to render them as a visual monolith ala mangahood. Still, white hair + red eyes + brown skin tone makes for a visually striking design choice.)

Absolutely agreed with everything regarding Ishval's connection to the surrounding geography and Xerxes. There should have been some Xerxian traits across some modern Ishvalans. Hell, why weren't there any Ishvalan traits with any of the far-too racially homogeneous (and bizarrely white and blond) Xerxians? The idea of there being agriculturally settled Ishvalans that make up the country we know of, while there are nomadic Ishvalans that call the vast "unamed" desert their home is so good! This helps recontextualize that odd no-man's-land treatment of the landmass between Xing and the eastern borders of Amestris, Drachma, and Aerugo: it's that the Amestrian regime does not recognize that land as peopled, ala a form of Terra Nullus (and thus an Amestrian-styled Manifest Destiny for the regions of the desert that would serve to cement Father's bordered geographical alchemic circle). Unsure if the large nations of Drachma and Aerugo similarly project that same racist, imperial lens on the desert as well, but famously the nation state is not a civilizational model that honours, acknowledges, or respects nomadic lifeways and peoples.

Imagine what other Ishvalan or Ishvalan-connected/derived settlements may exist closer to Xing too! And the traits that cross between travel and immigration to and from these societies. It's interesting to contemplate on!

To get back on track here:

I guess we're meant to see much of this country-less desert as the implied size of Xerxes. That this uninhabited land (because canon has no mention of nomadic peoples) is somehow void of (re-)established human life in the 400 years since its calamity. :/ Meh. I rather headcanon that Xerxes was a sizable empire, sure, but that it wasn't the total size of that massive region. If anything, Xerxes could have extended westward into what would one day be Amestrian/Aerugo/maybe even parts of Eastern Drachman territory. This would further highlight Xerxes as the analog to the ancient Persian empire that it's meant to be (which is such a 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 decision because goddamn, why are they all homogeneously fantasy Northern/Eastern European in appearance?!) It had to have had desert neighbours that weren't swallowed into its empire, as well as a slew of racial and ethnic groups amalgamated into its own domain as a result of its own imperialism, land capture, and slavery system.

(As an aside, imagine if instead of wholly navigating an entire desert on her own, Mei encountered and was given some aid by different Ishvalan nomads!)

From a purely world building standpoint, it would have been so cool to see the cultural drift and offshoots that develop amongst the range of Nomadic Ishvalans! Man, I would love to see the ethnic subgroups within settled Ishval too. It's fertile ground for anyone who wants to expand on these cultures, which could be awesome if handled by people who don't make garbage racist headcanons/fanworks.

Mangahood seems satisfied to leave the Ishvalan rejection of alchemy and alkehestry unexplained. This could be seen as encouraging readers to put the pieces together (that it's because of what befell Xerxes), which I appreciate in stories. For this I'll give Arakawa the benefit of the doubt for now. I don't want to jump to seeing this as intentionally racist without further evidence for this specific gap in the lore. However, it could be given a more faithless read as "They became religious fanatics Just Because [they're brown]." With the manga showing a congregation of Ishvalans blowing themselves up as an ambush against invading Amestrian pigs, from the perspective of those traumatized boots (hooray, the Dangerous Religious Orient caricature), it's hard for me not to glower at this lack of explanation.

To repeat myself, I'll interpret it the way you have: that the Ishvalans of four centuries ago saw the empty wasteland where Xerxes once ruled. No one could miss the evidence of an the alchemic reaction stitched into the fabric of the now flattened land. From there alchemy and alkehestry (or its unique Ishvalan practice along those veins) would come to be reviled. That understandable reaction eventually being codified via cultural changes and entering (perhaps even creating new) religious doctrine.

The 2003 anime making it more obvious for audiences to put together that the reason Ishbalan culture and the Ishbala religion condemn alchemy as a dangerous, heretic practice is due to the many life perverting, war-enhancing uses of this magic-science was an excellent choice. That the Grand Arcanum and human transmutation were grievous sources of tragedy and horrors, making what few people who still practice any alchemy into pariahs and exiles. We also are shown alchemy as an analog to European colonists forcibly importing their goods, economic systems, Christianity, and weapons across the world in order to shift the cultures of Indigenous peoples and gradually morph them into a more culturally and economically pliable outpost (further rooting Europe into the land and the people and one day cementing different kingdom's land claims). Alchemy was being touted as this advanced science, a sister to the early industrialism of Amestris. Modern Ishbal is not only alchemy abstaining, but it is also a non-industrial society as well (the fantasy science of alchemy sitting right next to its real world analog for the industrial-colonial system). Amestrian colonizers thought of Ishbalans as reactionary, uncivilized savages (ala the European-supremacist view of the rest of humanity), so when the Ishbalans got fed up of being harangued into displays of the "wonder of alchemy," into adopting the Amestrian way, they firmly reject their would-be colonizers. Amestris responds by armed skirmishes and occupation. All of this only further cements that alchemy is a source of misery and destruction.

Fma 03 does all of this explicit world building because the writers wanted to make it clear that everything we're made to believe about "foreign religious fanatic countries/anti-modern societies", particularly regarding the American invasions into West Asia, is racist propaganda that launders the views of imperial nations and backs their conscription for war. The team didn't want to leave this up to the default, racist assumption that viewers would carry thanks to American dominance.

Sadly, mangahood isn't interested in having this same tact. Why, when mangahood's perspective is instead that Ishval is just as guilty for Amestrian atrocities?

Anyway.

"All the other blood seals in the country get away with a riot or a battle, but Ishvalans were systematically exterminated"

Yes! This! When some people flounder about, claiming that the genocide wasn't racist (HELLO????), I have to wonder if they watched/read the same show/comic. Liorans within the rest of Amestris were not stripped from their place in Amestrian society. They weren't imprisoned and judicially murdered. They weren't thoroughly ethnically cleansed (they get to live on their own land) and genocided. Drachma is a warring imperial nation that Amestris has no hope of full scale invading and exterminating, but we see no evidence that Drachmans in Amestris are slaughtered or imprisoned (I would assume they are generally treated poorly and largely live on the lower rungs of society though). But the Ishvalans are to be fully eradicated. Whatever exceptions exist are being covertly protected by some people with power (Miles under Olivier's protection) or refugees hiding in Amestris' periphery.

It was absolutely racially motivated. It could have just been one locally-contained massacre (which of course would still be an atrocity) and that's it. But no, all of Ishval was occupied, toppled, its people ruthlessly mass slaughtered and transmuted, those within Amestris-proper were mass incarcerated and executed. It's unambiguously fascism and ethnonationalist supremacy.

Interesting theory re: Father going after the Ishvalans due to their historical knowledge of their version of alchemy/alkehestry. I can see that playing some part in his own plotting. Still, the nationalism and racism of Amestrians would not stem solely from one homunculus disseminating propaganda overnight. (Not claiming you're saying this btw!) Those soldiers, cops, members of the judicial and carceral systems, and the civilians themselves who are terrified at the sight of Ishvalans carry a bigotry that has to be rooted more deeply in this society than the last decade or so. Think of white supremacy, which had been formed over 500+ years of global European colonialism.

Father could otherwise then exploit this societal prejudice against the Ishvalans to his benefit. As it seems no other occupied people around Amestris' borders/lands have a history of, or knowledge of, alchemy that is tied to the energy running beneath the planet's mantel, it would behoove him to push Ishval to ruin and encourage further fascist constriction against the remaining Ishvalans.

(Scar Bro big brained moments. Man decodes Amestrian alchemic power and the blood seals in a matter of years of study, leading to the dismantling of the nation's centuries-long alchemic control. Fuck Amestris lol)

-

So sorry for the wait! I'm glad these responses have been enjoyable enough to read. Thanks for sharing your thoughts btw! <3 Your perspective on Ishvalan culture really enhances my appreciation of them under the mangahood continuity, which is desperately needed given canon's indifference towards them.

[asetoblog]

You know, Final Fantasy 7 is one of my favourite games ever (my top favs are HZD/HFW, all games involving FF7 and - although it's getting worse - Dragon Age) and I would like to write about something that doesn't sit right with me.

Warning: this post is a Sephiroth apology‼️🌸

So, remember the end of FF7 Remake, where Cloud & Co get to the end of the Midgar highway and they meet Sephiroth? In that exact moment, Aerith tells him "you're wrong", marking the word "wrong". She doesn't mean he's wrong about something, she literally means his whole existence is wrong and he shouldn't have been there or anywhere else in the first place.

Now, that remark rubbed me the wrong way, because Aerith is the only character connected to the Planet in this story and she's supposed to be very empathetic of what and how people suffer. She also lived in the Shinra building during her childhood and she hated it, she perfectly knows how things work there and she loathes - rightfully so - professor Hojo, because she knows what an unscrupulous and ruthless man he is. This would mean she met a younger Sephiroth at some point, and yeah she was still a child, but she must've noticed he was a kind and actually very submissive guy (maybe I'll get to this later???). I think she knows he too was subjected to experiments, just like she was, but this doesn't seem to bother her and she goes straight to saying something on the line of "you shouldn't exist".

In another moment in FF7 Rebirth, you can get a dialogue with Tifa in which she tells you she is "sick of Sephiroth cruelty [...]" and so on. Now, I agree with her, all she got from Sephiroth was her dad's death, wouldn't you be fucking pissed at him and hate him and want him dead? Yeah.

Thing is, I agree with Tifa and disagree with Aerith, but all of this makes me wonder: have they thought what a horrible and traumatic life Sephiroth had until that point?

Sephiroth:

-was born an experiment

-was taken away from his own mother, never met her

-doesn't even know his father

-as a child, he's shy and submissive, never gets any friends, he thus grows up lonely

-he spends most of his life in Hojo's lab, among Mako energy, needles and treatments

-no one ever showed him affection nor love, he was simply raised like a weapon in the hands of the most powerful corporation of the world

-his only two friends, as an adult, abandoned him

-one of his two best friends tells him the truth about him without the hint of some tact, he also calls him "monster" not knowing he's feeding the "insane gene" (let's call it that) in him

-the only new friend he gets, a recruit, jumps straight to conclusions instead of trying to help him

-he always said he wanted a "normale life" and he was forced into that. He also was one step away from leaving Shinra before the accident of Nibelheim happened

There's actually more to point out, but let's just take a step back and think about how an entire life of traumas, deprivation and loneliness can drive a person wild and cause Personality Disorders, Depression and Psychosis. I'm honestly surprised he even endured so much for so long and that would mean he'd be ok if only someone really cared for him and didn't see him as a "hero", a "star" or someone unreachable. His snapping point was reading all the history of Gast and Hojo's experiments and learning more about Jenova. That, sadly, adds up to the trauma he has to face and he even cries about it, meaning he was definitely still (emotionally) sane. Perhaps, it would have taken only one word of comfort but not even Zack was there for him, instead he acted a little harsh, in my opinion.

By this I don't mean things had to go differently, because otherwise I wouldn't have had one of my favourite stories out there, I'm just trying to point out how deplorable Aerith's comment sounds, especially knowing she's so caring and empathetic. I just don't like tha fact that such a dialogue line was written, but at the end I am but a humble Sephiroth apologist.

"You're wrong". No, Sephiroth is not wrong, all the people who surrounded him were.

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

I'm watching ep1 of The Brothers Sun

I love how the dude is baking cakes and watching Great British Bake off 😂 (killers have hobbies too)

Love how the Triad people are wearing sequins

Oh noooo the old guy is dead!

Oh no he isn't he's just in a coma

Ohhhh and he's the main dude's dad

Oooooooooooo his mom's the key to power?! Fuck yeah! Michelle Yeoh is amazing

Fast and furious energy with that fast car( is it the the main guy's brother?)

What a mood that he's actually an Uber driver😂

I hope those girls gave him a good tip since they got sick in his car

I have the same alarm tone😂😂

MICHELLE! (I wonder if the footage on the TV is of Michelle's panda that she adopted)

Wait

Is she a nurse? 😂

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww she's so proud of her baby🥺

My mom also makes me text her when I get to school 😂

Love how she's just like 'go get smart'🥺

Bruce is painfully relatable with his awkward thumbs up flirting

Bruce: *pulls crumbled up dollars from his pocket and pushes it towards the lady* How much education would this buy me?

Lady: 'there's 7 dollars here.'

Poor Bruce, he spent his tuition money on improv classes 😂

'Dude, I am not a criminal!' nah but your family is😂

The way he's trying to justify selling drugs is so funny yet relatable in how college is so freaking expensive

Love that the main guy is happily getting some pastries 😂

Oh no he's just led the bad guy's to his Mama's house 🥺

Is no one even home?😂 He looks like he's been preparing himself the whole flight over😂 Awkward

Awww, he's seeing all the pictures of his mom having fun with his brother 🥺

Oop now he's fighting

DUDE HAVE YOU NO RESPECT THAT'S HIS MAMA'S HOUSE?!

Me: *makes notes* get ✍️ electric ✍️ fly✍️swatter - Oooooooooooo ✍️and a pineapple ✍️

The way that he's pausing to smoke and give the guy a cigarette 😂

Ooof, that was yucky🫣👀( the dude literally pulled his hard through the knife)

I'd make a joke about how pepper spray is not really that effective when your house is broken into and there's a lot of violence that have taken place, but it's Michelle yo so she makes it an insanely deadly weapon

Michelle: 'Bruce' wrong son, don't worry Bruce is fine selling some drugs

Love that her first words to her eldest kid is 'who's this?'

He brought pastries, he's a good son😂

She insulted his beard 😂 and is making him clean up

Dude used the good knife to fight? Disrespectful 😂

Love how they're just cooking while a dead dude is there😂

'not soft, sensitive'😂

Michelle: 'he thinks his father is a gambler and you're an Antarctica working with penguins'

Brother: 'fuck'

DUDE YOUR MAMA MADE YOU FOOD YOU SHOULD EAT IT

Wait, I feel like the club is the same one Bruce is at😂

Bruce, you should've logged into the guy's network just for giggles 😂

Bruce is such a mood

Bruce, in a room of sketchy people who are probably killers: "Hello sir nice to meet you, I'm Bruce."

Oh May is totally a killer

And I kinda love her

Oooooo it is the same club!!!

Bruce: "WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY SOME DRUGS?! I'M NOT A COP!" Relatable

Ooooooooo Bruce is trying to sell his brother snow/pearl/nose candy/disco biscuit 😂

Oof, Charles got tasered

Poor Bruce is so confused 😂

Love that their grandmother carries a taser 😂

"I could prove it by killing all of you. Or you could just check my ID."😂

May is fangirling😂

Love that she's like: 'sometimes family's are fucked up'

Bruce: 'wait, dad's rich? And I'm driving for Lyft?!' what a mood

Poor Bruce is so scared 😂

Charles: "Bruce, do me a favor, don't tell Mom." :)

Bruce: 'WhAt?' :(

Boom shockaloca

Bruce: "We can't come in here looking like this! Mom's gonna freak!"

Charles, barely able to stand and covered in blood: "I found Bruce, he's safe"

Meanwhile, their mom is in the kitchen in an apron, shower cap and getting ready to cut up a body: "Charles go get changed. We gotta get rid of the body. Bruce, go to bed. You got a test tomorrow." She's got her priorities straight, that's for sure

The way the brothers looked at each other as their mom starts drilling into the bad guy😂

This show is a comedy truly

[kozuki-hiyori]

The One About Roronoa Zoro

Okay, wow. So this was originally meant to be a post about ZoLaw, but it just kept getting longer and longer... so I decided to split it up into multiple parts. One for Zoro, one for Law, and one that will take about the two of them

(Because the reason it kept getting so long was that I started going on a rants about each character and what defines them, and it was really just getting out of hand) (And damn, this is LONG, I'm sorry, I was avoiding homework (this is your warning))

So let's first start with the Straw Hat's swordsman, someone lovingly referred to by most fans as the crew's First Mate (although it's not canon per say, it may as well be), Zoro!

First, I'd like to look at his background, because that (very obviously) informs the characters in One Piece to a great extent. Now Zoro's isn't the most fleshed out of the group. Honestly speaking, that is the case for most of the East Blue crew. The reason Luffy and Sanji actually have so much to their pasts is because we went back and fleshed them out more (see later introductions of Ace and Sabo, heck even Garp, and the fact that Sanji wasn't anything more than a kid shipwrecked on an island until WCI happened). Before these reveals, questions such as "How the hell did Sanji end up parentless on a transoceanic tourist boat?" or "Why the heck is Luffy just hanging around with pirates and seemingly no guardians??" were unanswered. The same sort of questions exist for Nami "Why did she end up abandoned and in Bellemere's care in the first place?" or Zoro (I will be bringing those up as we progress). Usopp is generally pretty fleshed out, actually, as in I can't personally think of any questions I have in specific about his background, maybe "When did his dad leave??"

On that point, with Usopp, I know generally Sanji is the poster child for character development in the Straw Hats what with his whole Germa background, but Usopp has an absolutely wonderful character arc (at least in my opinion, which, my blog, but also feel free to disagree, I'd love to here other's thoughts) and one that is still going!! Like his goal is one that literally requires his growth as a character. He can't be a great warrior of the sea if he doesn't believe in himself and-- I'm sorry, I'm getting carried away, I just really like Usopp, sorry.

Anyway, the point of all that was meant to be to demonstrate the fact that we don't know everything about these characters, and if we do, it's because it has been brought up again. And that doesn't even mean we know everything about them (Luffy's primary goal, for example). So that, and the fact that these aspects are still being developed in some cases!!

Anyway, back to Zoro!! And his backstory.

Here we reach the first thing that drive me absolutely up the wall: why in the ever-loving heck does he want to be the World's Greatest Swordsman?? He comes to Kuina with that goal, and their promise strengthens it, but, why, oh why, is that a goal of his in the first place??

(And sorry, another side note, but the differences between the representations of Zoro's backstory drive me up the goddamned wall, the vibe is completely different between the manga, anime, and live action. I originally had only read the manga, and was so, so confused why people would think that Kuina's father hated her and maybe killed her. Then I watched the anime and like, I get now it a lot more, but the fact that they are so variant is still insane to me)

Anyway, what do we know? Zoro's mom died from sickness; Zoro's father died at the hands of pirates. Presumably before he left for sea, and probably before joining the dojo and meeting Kuina.

(Even before Kuina, he wanted to become the World's Greatest Swordsman. And why is that? What is it that makes this man tick? It drives me insane! (Just, we can answer so many questions about so many motivations across so many characters, and the fact that I can be so completely lost when it comes to two of the main characters (Zoro and Luffy) drives me up the wall))

Right, so did he get his need to be strong from one of his parents or their deaths? Someone else he knew? Did he hear stories from Kozaburo or something and that inspired him? Or does he feel like he needs to protect himself? Like, he is obsessed with strength, and although his promise to Kuina strengthened (haha) that need, it just can't be the sole factor, because his need for strength is behind his entire character.

Now that's a fairly large claim, but, what drives Zoro as a character? What sticks out most about him?

Generally, it wouldn't seem like it's strength. Like yeah the weights he lifts are ridiculous and a recurring joke (semi-joke?) when it comes to him, but I'd bet it's not the thing that you'd think first about Zoro.

Another idea could be competition? Maybe? His goal is inherently competitive, and he'll stop at nothing to achieve it. And some people are just driven to be the best. That's it, and that's fair. That being said, he also doesn't need to be the strongest, just the strongest swordsman. He's fine with following Luffy, not leading.

Honestly, I'm one person basing all this off of my own thoughts (not the best sort of evidence for an experiment), but if you think of Zoro, I'm willing to bet that there's one specific character trait that comes to mind.

And that is his loyalty.

It is loyalty that drives most of his action (his loyalty to Kuina and their promise in large part driving him forward to complete his goal, and his loyalty to Luffy and the crew determining many of his other actions, ie. Thriller Bark, bowing to Mihawk), but what drives him outside of that? If we stripped away that goal, what would be left of him as a character??

Let's look at some patterns in the major point of his character in order to break this issue of loyalty.

First, let's look at those tied in some aspect to his dream, or more accurately the risk of it. Those are: fighting Mihawk, Thriller Bark, bowing to Mihawk. All of these are instances in which his loyalty to Luffy and dedication to not breaking a promise has caused him to act in ways that go directly against the completion of his dream. So his dream can't be the only driving for being the strongest (if speaking in terms of parameters, we can say that it is dominated by something else). Looking at these, are they tied to strength? Yes, in a sense, these are moments in which Zoro wasn't strong enough. And these are major character moments for him. They had insane impact on him. And they all have to do with him being confronted with the fact, full on and unavoidably, that he isn't strong enough.

We also have instances of him being much more serious than the others, such as: Whiskey Peak, not immediately trusting Robin, the "stop goofing around" on Punk Hazard, how hard he is on himself after every fight. For as goofy as Zoro is, he is exceedingly cautious. If there's a danger, he is wary of it and is prepared/will prepare to ensure he can fight it. He is careful of the strangeness of Whiskey Peak and Robin. And he is aware of the treat of the world, takes it seriously, and acknowledges that he needs to be strong enough to overcome it. If he struggled, he pushes himself even harder, even if he's still recovering.

And finally, another huge part of Zoro's character is his reaction to perceived betrayal (perceived as in what he identifies as a betrayal): Nami, Usopp, Robin, Sanji. The second he feels betrayed, he will but someone out and move on. "Zoro's so loyal!!" Okay, yeah, but what's this?? For most Straw Hats, they are loyal to the end, and it would seem like Zoro is too (Thriller Bark, again), but this is completely antithetical to that. So why?

It's about Zoro and the intersection between his loyalty, his trust, and his strength. Whoever he is loyal to must have absolute trust in him. Literally any time someone on the Straw Hat's leaves. Zoro completely shuts down when they do. He acts as though he doesn't care. Because, to him, they didn't trust him enough to rely on him, and Zoro needs people to rely on him. It's just how he works. He needs to be able to protect people and needs those people to know that he can protect them. And this is all driven by strength. If they don't trust him, if they don't think he can help, that says something about how strong they think he is. It's an insult to his strength that they don't think to ask him for help, implying that he is not enough. (It also protects himself emotionally to move on a fast a possible.) He needs transparency, requires it, because anything else implies he can't be trusted.

The issue of strength runs rampant through this character. He has this unavoidable need to protect himself. And although he will do his best to protect those he cares about, to is not an unending grace. It's as though all he does is work to defend himself from any sort of emotion hurt or rejection. (It's as though he is waiting to be thrown away. Like the parallel I could draw with Usopp... I won't, not now...)

At the same time though, if he doesn't succeed, then he reasons he wasn't strong enough and that's the end of it.

God! Just why??!? What?!! What is going on with him?? I'd really like to know.

(And god, fuck, I want to talk about the death pact now and what that implies, but this is so long already,,, I'm just... I'll dissect that later or something)

Damn, I've talked forever and I feel as though all I've done is determine that this man is a strength obsessed gremlin with issues. I may need to come back to this later, but for now, this is all I'll say...

[secretly-a-catamount]

Waysa: What am I supposed to do?

Rowena: If I were you? I’d try and make peace with whatever deity, pantheon, or Divine Other you believe in.

Waysa: I’m an atheist.

Rowena: Then just get ready to die I guess.

———————————

Rowena: And then they ran into my knife. They ran into my knife ten times.

Waysa: You mean you stabbed them?

Rowena: They ran into my knife.

———————

Rowena: No thanks.

Rowena: I'm god.

—————-

Rowena: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it.

Waysa: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

——————————-

Rowena: I wonder who’s ruining my life.

Rowena: *looks in the mirror*

Rowena: So we meet again.

——————————

Waysa: I made this friendship bracelet for you.

Rowena: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person.

Waysa: You don’t have to wear it . . .

Rowena: No, I’m gonna wear it forever. Back off.

————————-

Waysa: My hands are cold.

Rowena: Here, let me hold them.

Rowena and Waysa: *Holds hands*

Waysa: My lips are cold too.

Rowena: *Covers Waysa's mouth with her other hand*

——————————

Waysa: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

Rowena: Literally or figuratively?

Waysa: I have to specify?

———————————-

Waysa: Wanna hear some dark humor?

Rowena: Yeah, I love dark humor.

Waysa: Alright.

Waysa: *Turns off the lights*

Waysa: Knock knock.

Rowena: Turn the damn lights back on.

——————————-

Waysa: I fell—

Rowena: From heaven? 

Waysa: No, I literally fell—

Rowena: In love with me the moment you saw me?

Waysa: MY ARM IS BROKEN!

Rowena: Okay, but do you think I'm pretty? Be honest.

———————

Waysa: Okay, but if your not dating me then why are you always holding my hand and kissing me and telling me I’m your boyfriend?

Rowena: Dude — its satire!

Waysa: THAT'S NOT WHAT SATIRE MEANS, ROWENA!

———————

Rowena: I love you.

Waysa, not paying attention: What was that?

Rowena: I said I’m selling you to the zoo, cat.

————————

Waysa, trying to flirt: I’d kill for you.

Rowena, not looking up from her book: I have killed for you.

Waysa, trying to flirt again: I’d hide bodies for you.

Rowena: I have hidden bodies for you, Waysa, and I’d do it again.

Waysa: . . .

Rowena: . . .

Waysa, giving up: You’re beautiful.

Rowena: I know.

————————

Rowena: You know, my father always treated me like a god.

Waysa: How?

Rowena: He ignored my existence unless he needed something.

—————————-

Rowena: I want to kiss you.

Waysa, not paying attention: What?

Rowena: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

——————————

Waysa: You’re a horrible person!

Rowena: Maybe. But I’m rich and I’m pretty, so it doesn’t really matter.

———————————

Rowena: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos—

Waysa: I wrote you a poem.

Rowena, already crying: You did?

———————

Waysa, staring lovingly at Rowena: I would die for you.

Rowena, doing her own thing: Then perish.

[neyxmessi]

i’m curious to know what ur theories are omg!! (on why ney left) but yes, we’ll truly never know it really did seem to come out of nowhere

Okay we’ll start off with my most probable theory:

1) the PSG game. Oh the Barca v. PSG comeback game. The Remontada. That game still makes me sick lol. It was a spectacular game. Arguably one of, if not, the biggest comeback in UCL history. Leo scored a penalty, but Neymar was the true genius of the game. Neymar scored an amazing free kick and penalty (which it’s so interesting that he took them too btw when normally Leo would take them). And he also provided the amazing assist to Sergio Roberto in literally the last minute to secure the win. However, that one photo of Leo went VIRALLLLL and he seemed to be getting all of the credit for the game. Part of me thinks that really pissed Neymar off, and he was literally in his prime if not getting to be there, and maybe he realized the only way to prove his greatness was to get out of a club with Lionel Messi there. So while he truly did love Leo as a person/teammate/idol, he was the one person standing in his way to achieving ultimate greatness. I think in the beginning he was truly about the team mentality and wanting to help Leo be the best (he literally said that in his debut), but Neymar isn’t the type of person to only strive to be that. He wants to the best (he’s always been quoted saying this too lol), and he wants to WIN. Him being the leader? Even better. If this was the reason, I don’t really blame him too much. I wish he never left, but underappreciation can really drive someone up a wall.

2) there is a chance that this move could’ve been prompted even earlier than when Neymar had left. Dani Alves joined PSG in 2017, and it was no surprise that he had urged Neymar to join him. He was even quoted once saying that the only way for Neymar to be the greatest was to get out of Leo’s shadow at Barca. I’m not saying he instilled the idea into his brain, but it seems like he was thinking what some other people were too.

3) the money. €222 million buy out clause is insane, and the wages PSG was paying Neymar was out of this world. Literally his move broke the market. There’s a chance that maybe that’s why he left (although I doubt it. Mans was making enough) unlesssssss his father had something to do with it.

4) the father. While Neymar’s dad said he never wanted Neymar to leave Barcelona, there’s a part of me that thinks that maybe he helped push the decision. He could’ve either wanted it for money, orrrrr there’s a chance that he could’ve pushed the idea into Neymar’s head that he needed to be the greatest. Potential constant comparisons between him and other players that made him feel like he wasn’t good enough. That he had to leave and bring a team to its first UCL to prove his worth. I’m not sure.

5) this is my delusional ass fanfic ass brain that should be taken LIGHTLY. But Neymar announcing for the first time he was thinking of leaving Barca for PSG at Leo’s wedding??? Um??? Who does that? At a wedding? At Leo’s wedding?? It’s interesting is it not? And the Instagram pictures he posted of the wedding afterwards and the caption… it was just iffy and unusual to me. Maybe the pain of staying would’ve been too much. I don’t know. (AGAIN TAKE THIS VERY LIGHTLY THERE IS A REASON WHY IT IS NEAR THE BOTTOM OF THIS LIST 😭😭 — delulu brain over here okay I am claiming absolutely nothing) Also, around this time Leo was getting REALLY close to Suarez. I wonder if Neymar felt abandoned somehow and that also made him want to leave too.

6) maybe he just didn’t believe in the team that much anymore? The 16/17 season was really bad in comparison to the prior one. Maybe he foresaw Barca’s downfall and wanted to get out before his reputation could’ve been ruined because of it.

Anyways these are all my dumb little theories. Take them with a grain of salt. I don’t know anything nor claim to know anything. But these are the best theories my brain could conjure up 🤷‍♀️

[intersexalastor]

thinking about civilian dabitwice where jin is arrested and goes to prison somewhat soon into his robbing career (but not before making a huge splash) and gets let out early on good-ish behavior. but he's homeless, with no one willing to hire him for work, so he's right back at square one.

it's raining. his arms and legs are tired, his clothes are soaked and heavy. he slumps down against a building, burying his face in his arms, rain pelting the back of his neck.

from a certain passenger of a certain vehicle, the view of jin brings back a particularly bitter memory of a boy just breaking into adolescence, waiting for someone a miracle to find him.

"get in" is barely audible over the sound of the rain, and jin lifts his head to see a black vehicle with the back door open and someone with mismatched black hair and white eyebrows gesturing to him.

getting into random strangers cars is not how jin's survived on the streets for as long as he has, but his pockets have holes and whatever hope he had saved up has filtered out like sand. so he clambers into the vehicle, much to the astonishment of the driver, who sputters something about how the passenger's father would not approve.

this earns an amused snort from said passenger, who affirms that he does not care. and that "fuyumi's always nagging me about making friends anyway."

the drive is oddly quiet save for the storm raging, other than jin's initial mumbled thanks as he sits shivering. based on the initial exchange, he's pretty sure he's not about to be butchered or something insane, but even if he was, he's not sure if he could bring himself to care.

they arrive at a... big house. a really big house. like one he's only seen on the TV that played at the shop he worked at before the accident. he shouldn't be so shocked. this guy's family is wealthy enough to afford a man to literally drive them around. but even so!

mr. rich kid, who finally introduces himself as touya, announces his arrival at the door and asks for some towels as he kicks off his shoes. another one of these little rich bastards show up, somewhat taller, who tosses over the towel he had pinned under his arm along with a quizzical look.

touya introduces jin as his new friend and that he'll be having dinner with them tonight. and that nat, which is apparently this other guy's name, should scrounge up some clean, dry clothes for jin to put on.

he gets a hot bath in a bathtub that isn't insanely huge like he'd been wondering, but still moderately and comfortably bigger than the ones he's used to. he puts on freshly laundered clothes.

on their way to dinner, touya warns him that his old man is here, when he was supposed to be gone for the weekend. and to ignore anything he says, because he's a fucking asshole.

but touya also fails to mention his father is enji fucking todoroki, AKA Pro Hero Endeavor AKA the current #1 Pro Hero.

endeavor takes one glance at him and slams his fist onto the table and immediately starts demanding information as to why Jin Bubaigawara, former bank robber, a filthy villain, is in his home.

everyone's pretty quiet at that. fuyumi's eyes are darting between her father and older brother. their other two siblings say nothing. then touya, who did not know if jin's former life of crime, grabs his wrist and announces, "we're lovers"

enji immediately calls his bluff, but not without a fearful look passing over his face. and jin, who's been frozen in shock this entire time, collapses with touya's weight on him. the table falls over when he tries to grab it in the fall. food is all over the floor. shouto mourns the noodles he was just about to slurp down and natsuo's lap has taken a hit of water so that it looks like he pissed his pants. fuyumi buries her face in her hands out of embarrassment. and enji jumps up to his feet with such force that his head puts a hole in the ceiling at the sight of his eldest son planting a big one on a former member of the most wanted in the country, ranting about how no son of his and have you no shame?!

(side note: shouto is pissed at this point because he wanted to be the one to make enji lose his mind by coming out in a crazy way because 1. fuck him and 2. he thought it might impress touya enough to get him on his good side, because he lowkey wants his big brother's approval. he's already in the class group chat saying they need a plan B)

touya flops onto jin's chest and sighs, saying that enji wasn't even supposed to be here this weekend and they were going to make it a lover's paradise, which only enrages endeavor, who's moved into a full homophobic tirade until fuyumi, who's set the table upright, says that if endeavor hadn't been there, they'd be having a nice dinner right now.

it's quiet again, with enji's jaw dropped and nat and shouto picking up the mess. endeavor points to jin but before he can say anything, fuyumi cuts him off with a staccato, "don't."

remarkably, he retreats, not even offering to help clean while nat starts talking about a place that opened up not far that he and his girlfriend really like and they could order from there. touya offers to pay, though less out of guilt for the mess and more because he's feeling rather generous after such a display.

jin's not leaving anytime soon. and when he does, it's because he and touya eventually move out together in their own place.

[dangermousie]

OK, seriously, Ecevit is the most tortured Turkish show protag I have ever come across. That man has never had a genuinely fully happy stretch in his life - his childhood was spent with an abusive criminal of a father, then he went to juvie and was horrifically abused there, then he managed to leave all of it behind and become a successful lawyer (and what a feat that was, honestly!) but he still had unprocessed trauma and cut off himself from those who love him to survive and now the trauma is still there and basically, this is cosmically unfair because he is a genuinely good person and yet nothing good happens to him.

The way he remembers some of this childhood, a scene that I am sure repeated on a regular basis in that household...

It guts me that he always had a moral compass and that being a lawyer wasn’t something he fell into as a good profession or even as a result of jail trauma but his forever goal. And the thought of how much drive and determination and just inability to give up it must have taken to succeed but also to stay good - because it wasn’t just the jail that was shoving him into darkness of poverty that was an obstacle, it was the fact that he was being told from literally cradle that you should be a criminal and do violence and that is the default and that he never was surrounded by a good or nurturing environment even before jail. He managed to claw his way out of all of that as an insane success story but all that ability and that work to overcome background and trauma enough to succeed was not enough, was wasted because he ultimately is killed and despite all that goodness and brains and willpower, he cannot overcome all the tragedy and he never finds happiness and it feels so so very unfair. Because he was good and did everything right and even superhuman effort still was not enough.

And then he starts abusing Ecevit’s mom to make Ecevit take it. It’s like the whole world non-stop conspired to turn him bad and he fought and fought and earned himself a grave as a reward. That is so utterly depressing.

Ooooof. Is there any room in his head for anything but horrors?

And the fact that he has defined himself by opposition to his father and the guards/inmate and all the rest of the foul people in his life is so telling. I wonder if that is why he didn’t give into darkness/violence the way Bilal did, because it would prove them all right and would make all he thought he should be into meaningless dreams. Because of all his trauma, his sense of self is pretty ragged at the edges, so he needs at least that to hold on to - the fact that he’s leeched onto the concept of just world as his savior - he, after all that happened to him - I can’t. And the way the show itself dismantles it ultimately because in no just world would his ending be what the show gives him. But perhaps it’s not so much a just world but that regardless of whether the world is just he will hold to what he believes in for his own sanity, if the world is horror, it doesn’t mean he has to be.

This is his one way of holding on to something, in his trauma.

He really does define himself in opposition to his father.

[doisensei]

30-35: the remembered treatment pt. 1

is it cheating if it's an episode i commissioned to be subbed...? regardless, this is one of my favorite episodes ever, and i think it's time i finally sat down and composed my thoughts about it. this will be leaning into shipping territory, so if you aren't a fan of ridoi, i wouldn't click further.

characters featured: rikichi, doi, yamada, yamada's wife, rantarou, bouta, kirimaru, shinbei

brief summary: the day rikichi and doi met.

i like how the episode starts with establishing rantarou and doi's roles within the school. the main trio's involvement with their respective committees is one of my favorite parts about them. their personalities really shine in them! rantarou being the medic of the three is so fitting.

poor doi. i always, like. get a little emo about the kids not picking up on things. i saw a fan comic in the past that hc'd the reason why doi gets so ill when the kids do poorly is because one of his previous students died during their drills, and it reminds him of the weight of his duties as a teacher. if the kids don't understand or are just not fit to be a ninja, they won't make it very far. it's very telling that in tsudoi material, he retires after the hagumi graduate. those are his babies, and while i believe he loves what he does, i bet the stress and grief of what may or may not happen to his students just becomes too much.

these two are so cute. i'll have to talk about them in a future episode review, too. bouta's admiration for rikichi is just adorable. sometimes i forget bouta is the older one... it makes me laugh that rikichi gets annoyed over how many people have ninja-crushes on him. stop being so dreamy, then!

alright. the shipping delusions are starting early. here we go.

i've noticed that rikichi notably softens around doi. with other characters, he has far less patience. i think it's cute when rikichi gets angry, since it really shows his age, but i think with their history, rikichi would find it difficult to snap at doi, even if doi does tease him on occasion. look at that gentle smile over recalling their past together and tell me that he isn't in love.

it kills me how, like... yamada treats this more like an obligation. not understanding that there's more to just a family picnic than getting it done. the scenery matters! this will be a core rikichi memory for reasons that no one predicted.

his smile and optimism, gone. auh, poor rikichi. his father isn't doing it maliciously, of course. he wants his son to be strong and well trained for the dangerous future he has ahead of him, but... it's clear that rikichi is more than lonely. i often think about how they literally live in the middle of nowhere. rikichi doesn't have any friends, and he isn't even allowed to be a kid. everything about rikichi revolves around being a ninja. that's a lot of pressure to put on a child. no wonder he dedicates his time so much to work. and then it makes sense why he becomes so attached to doi. that's the only other person he's made a connection with besides his parents.

a smile you just want to protect. look how happy he is. fuck!!! this is all he wanted! happy family time! moments like these must be rare for the yamada family, especially when you consider how things are when he's 18. the flowers are genuinely so pretty, too. i love that somewhere so beautiful was stained with violence.

there's a lot of cute details in this episode, like how yamada is the first to notice doi's presence / the sound of fighting, even before he falls.

no time for your picnic, rikichi. an angel has fallen into it. this encounter is soooo stereotypical shoujo. the love of your life falling from above, lives forever changed, a fateful encounter.

doi really is so effortlessly beautiful. it drives me a little insane. i love 19!doi's look a lot. in character sheets, he's noticeably shorter-- insane to think that he's still growing. his hair is so pretty, too. i know the show jokes about how his hair is damaged, but please!! leave it like this!! it's pretty!! it's curious that doi doesn't put a lot of effort into his appearance in canon (neglecting his hair, forgetting to wash clothes, probably constantly covered in shinbei snot); i figure that's probably a habit after his parents were killed and he had to fend for himself. no time to care about how you look when you just need to survive. despite this he is the most beautiful ninja to ever exist.

one thing i think is sooooo fucking cute is how rikichi is almost, like. transfixed on doi. even though there's another ninja a few feet away, rikichi's gaze is fully centered on doi. that doesn't change, either! the next few shots of rikichi, he's still only looking at doi.

i know he's grumpy about the picnic being ruined (rikichi voice ojan desu!) but i wonder if he's also, like. a little embarrassed being around a stranger. i have this fanfic idea in my head where, like. there's a little more slowburn in rikichi growing to like doi. i imagine his ninja training makes him suspicious towards doi, and i bet there'd be jealousy over how his father instantly takes to him. viewing him as an intruder before doi's kindness wears him down.

i'm really excited for the movie to expand on what's happening here. i've heard conflicting information about what amako-sensei intended for this, and i feel like the movie will make it a lot more concrete. what happened, doi... i really like ninmyu12's setting for doi's backstory-- i hope it'll be something a little similar. there's something really striking about someone so kind and gentle like doi being raised by assassins. i like nintama moments where they don't stray away from the reality of being a ninja, too. doi could've died here if it wasn't for the yamada's help.

doi looks so taken aback. i bet it's been a long time since he'd been shown unconditional kindness. poor thing.

another delusional take. i wonder if doi was still apprehensive around the couple, but hearing a child's voice relaxed his nerves, just a little. surely they can't be dangerous people if they have a little boy with them...

and oops. so, like, i didn't mean to make this a two parter, but tumblr's image limit is ruining my life. so you'll have to bare with me and wait for me to ramble on about the other half of a seven minute episode.

[eggtargaryenii]

RIP to the guy getting eaten by the crabs getting crushed by Daemon's dragon. I hate how painfully interesting Otto is because this man makes me want pick my cuticles like Alicent. Otto sucks hard but his brother seems as if is...a hmmm...huge factor of how Otto ended up as *gestures to Otto* like that.

It's also interesting seeing how Alicent seemed to be trying to get along with Rhaenyra because I only knew about them being on bad terms in the current timeliness.

They did make a few interesting wardrobe choices in episode three. Like I don't think Rhaenrya is fully decked out in red until she gets named heir in episode 1, and our first appearance of Alicent in episode 3 as Queen is her in red, which makes sense bc of Targaryen colors, but I still find it really interesting that the most powerful "Targaryen" women are only seen in that particular shade at arguable the "height" lf their power? Like Alicent is seen in the dress on Aegon's nameday, which many presume to eventually be Viserys' heir. Like the way Alicent continues to wear red throughout the episode just grabs at the audience's eyes first. It's really visually telling us that we should be focusing on Alicent and Rhaenyra...me thinks

Also, Jason Lannister is....unpleasant. Cristen Cole joking about killing Jason Lannister is wild as hell. He goes insane, but I'm wary of him because of your warning. There's no way what he does is that bad right? Like....he's so pretty.

ALSO WTH, VISERYS, YOU ARE THE KING. WHY ARE YOU LIKE HOLDING STAG POO????? HUHHHHHHHH. I'm also dissatisfied with Viserys bc of his inaction against the Stepstones and bc of Otto, BUT, MY MAN STANDS UP FOR RHAENYRA AND DEFENDS HER AGAINST JASLN LANNISTER. LIKE, YUHHHHHHHHH! He may be a mid king but he's trying as a father!!! (For Rhae-Rhae, RIP aegon and aemond tho). He is way better than Otto because Viserys is actually trying to make Rhaenyra happy while Otto is sending his daughter to like....a man more than double her age for the crown. Viserys, I love you for laughing at Otto trying to marry Rhaenyra to Aegon. You a real one. Also, Viserys, drinking so much is relatable, like I, too, would drink if I had to deal with court and the politics.

Dear god, Viserys' actor is crazy. His monolpgue about his dream is so powerful. Like one of my favorite scenes so far. I do wonder how much this scene plays through alicent's mind in the future tbh.

Rhaenyra seeing the White Stag and choosing to spare it is also a really good scene. Rhaenyra also just walking into camp covered in blood was iconic; she shall forever be famous.

Alicent Hightower honestly just has the worst job in the world. I wish she was free from all this bs. In another world, she yeeted to another place and is just overall way happier than she is in the keep.

Also dkhfjdjd Laenor is my favorite, "how have you served on the council besides as the Master of Complaints?"

Daemon is off the rails bc kenfndjf why did he beat up the messenger dkhdjdjfjdjfjf. Don't shoot the messenger, please 😭😭😭. Daemon is some other type of petty though. My man would rather risk death and get eaten by crabs than admit he's fumbling the stepstones. He is such a drama queen, please. I love him he's skeevy, smelly, and petty.

laenor saving Daemon's ass is amazing. I knew I was right to like him. He's like a teenager driving a car the first time the way he be yelling dracarys.

Tldr; vizzy k somewhat redeemed. I'm team black despite my affinity for crazy with Aemond, and Daemon is fueled by spite lmao. ALSO, IM TEAM LAENOR. He needs to live a long life

"Daemon is some other type of petty though. My man would rather risk death and get eaten by crabs than admit he's fumbling the stepstones. He is such a drama queen, please. I love him he's skeevy, smelly, and petty." HRFJFHSSJSH LMAO I literally love ur daemon commentary every time u send a live reaction... laenor being like a teenager driving a car also sent me like YEAH TRUE 😭 actually now I wonder why rhaenys didn't show up in any of those stepstones war scenes.... she and meleys are seasoned war vets!!!!

IM SO FASCINATED BY YOUR DRESS COMMENTARY!! I wasn't paying a ton of attention to the show while watching it tbh so I didn't notice any of that re: when the Targ colours are worn most prominently!!!! I wonder how the green dress scene landed for u... do let us know!!!!!

I honestly feel you so much re: Otto like I haaaate him LMAO but he truly is one of the best written characters on the show 😔 literally one of the few who consistently displays evidence of brain cells. VIZZY WAS BORN TO DREAM FORCED TO RULE. re: how much this is relevant to alicent in the future though.... I won't say anything except that I love reading all your speculations LOL u are a much more astute viewer than I was 💀

IM KINDA SHOCKED THAT YOU'RE TEAM BLACK !!! I'd be very curious to see if that'll change as you get closer to S2 🧐 TEAM LAENOR IS SO REAL THO I do enjoy every scene he's in ...... an icon

[palant1r]

what drives me insane about soichiro and matsudas relationship is that matsuda is very clearly set up to think of soichiro as a father figure — see him literally calling soichiro "dad" at the beginning of the timeskip, even if just as a joke — combined with matsuda's parallels with light. its the fact that matsuda is the kind of person soichiro probably thought light was. theres something very delicious about how matsuda is the task force member most associated with and proficient with guns, and probably most able to kill with one — an action which soichiro would probably condemn, but matsuda is nonetheless right behind him on the raid on mello's hideout. how both light and matsuda partake in violence that they justify as being necessary, but soichiro condemns one and uses the other. how soichiro says that Killing Bad and the Power to Kill Bad, which could easily be extrapolated to mean he wouldn't want matsuda to kill light with a gun in the warehouse, but L seemed to think that soichiro would kill light and then himself if he found out light was kira...one wonders what matsuda would have done next if he'd managed to kill light. ide is the member of the task force most in touch with soichiro's PROFESSED ideals, but i think matsuda behaves most like the man soichiro actually was. the split-second decisions to do unhinged shit for the investigation. the simultaneous condemnation of lethal violence and wielding of a lethal weapon. i mean, the very obvious parallel of them both pointing a gun at light and pulling the trigger (now THAT is delicious for so many reasons i do NOT have time to go into now). and we also see evidence of matsuda trying to comfort light after soichiro's death — pulling light away from his body as he's freaking out, for instance, and i think matsuda mostly staying with light while the whole task force galivants around america and japan could also be motivated by that.

now im thinking about how like. matsuda kinda transferred his loyalty from soichiro to light after soichiro died. and how that makes the warehouse a double gut punch and crisis of faith for him. he doesn't have incredibly strong moral convictions against kira like the others — i think you could easily make the argument that he wouldn't have joined or stayed on the task force if not for soichiro. so the warehouse scene doesn't just subvert his entire view of his friend (and crush lol), it also shatters the whole reason he HAD for fighting kira at that point.

its also fucking me up how like. light didn't want to kill his father. he didn't want his father to die. he WANTED MATSUDA TO DIE INSTEAD (i don't believe for a second that he wouldn't have killed matsuda after the 13 days were up if he took the deal). which makes it DOUBLY nuts how it's matsuda who enacts vengeance for soichiro's death.

...now that i think about it, it's fascinating that light didn't bring that up. he very easily could have been like "soichiro only died because you didn't take the eyes" or something. probably would have fucked matsuda up to hear that. in fact, there are a lot of defenses light could have made regarding how that whole situation went down — things probably wouldn't have gone that different even if light wasn't kira. we could keep analyzing that alone, honestly. how much of light's defense does he actually believe, and how much of it is retroactive ideological justification for the guilt of his father's death?

hello my beloved mutual. i saw u tag matsuda & soichiro in a recent Post about Unhinged Dynamics and i would LOVE for you to say more about them if you have thoughts. because now that im thinking about them it is driving me a little insane. like how matsuda was the closest with soichiro and yet was willing to kill for his sake, totally diverging from soichiros ideals...

hello my beloved mutual! sorry this took so long -- this dynamic is so important to me i wanted to spend actual time on it. (also i would love to hear your thoughts on any and all of this because you are the #1 matsuda expert.) SO i think soichrio has something of a paternal relationship with the whole task force, but this is especially true with matsuda. (i am using paternal very lightly, as i don't think their dynamic is particularly unusual even in professional settings, but it's definitely not universal.) even prior to the major events of the kira investigation, matsuda looks to soichiro for guidance and reassurance, and soichiro seems quite happy to provide it.

also, from the same scene, you can see him quite literally running after soichiro to get his advice. soichiro had enough time to walk leisurely out of the office and stretch before this, so it looks like matsuda saw him departing from a distance then went jogging after

so soichiro is someone he feels close to, and in some ways dependent on. he would prefer not to trust his own judgement without soichiro's backing, and he can't wait until the next morning to get it. imo this is still within the bounds of a professional relationship, particularly one between employees of such varying ages, but it's on the very outer bounds of what's normal. also, as time goes on, the task force as a whole becomes much more isolated and dependent on one another. they basically can't see anyone outside of their circle, and soichiro is doing his best to protect them from death. then of course in the end it's soichiro that matsuda cares about the most, not the hundreds or thousands of people that light killed, or even the fact that light had just tried to kill HIM.

(as a sidenote i don't think light is nearly as callous as he seems -- you can see even a panel later he starts calling soichiro by familial terms again, and he uses a less formal word rather than just parroting what matsuda had said. so he still thinks of soichiro as 'dad.') also: although matsuda is clearly deeply affected by this, he doesn't start shooting light because he killed his father. he starts shooting him because light has begun to write near's name. what he actually does after this whole speech is hesitate.

so did this speech convince him? maybe! it's possible that he actually would have shot the entire task force so soichiro's death didn't go to waste. he sure seems ambivalent about the whole situation in the final chapter. at minimum he was willing to consider what light had said. it's even possible that he saw light writing near's name and chose not to interfere, since he doesn't start shooting until aizawa and ide start shouting and jolt him out of his reverie. the manga puts the paper and light's hand dripping blood right around matsuda's eyes, but doesn't zoom back to show is where he's actually looking, so it's all left to interpretation. anyway!! i think this is such a fascinating and extremely intense relationship. imo it's interesting on its own, but there's also loads of potential to exploit in transformative works.