#because how can i not inject it into the discussion lol

[fullmetal-scar-simping]

The desert people in mangahood drive me mad because I actually like that Ishvalans have unique characteristics rarely seen in fantasy (usually white-haired people with unusual eye colours are light-skinned like in Game of Thrones) but also realistically....you would think that there would be a portion of Ishvalans with Xerxesian features because they're the closest neighbours to this lost civilisation, not Amestris, and unless all the people of Xerxes were locked in their city, they would have likely married into the local Ishvalan population as well

Like in my head Ishvalans actually live across the entire desert area (not unlike early decentralised Arab societies) with Ishvalans like Scar being sedentary inhabitants of lands closer to Amestris and those in the heart of the desert being nomads - and you would THINK that because of their closer proximity to Xerxes, there would be gold-eyed Ishvalans but NO because then the Ed wouldn't get to ev a special little descendant of a lost people

Also on a conspiratorial note, I have always wondered whether the reason Ishvalans have a negative attitude towards alchemy is because of Xerxes.

Given the lore in 03 and mangahood! Scar's brother saying that alkahestry's principles has similarities with Ishvalan religious beliefs, I think it's not too outlandish to speculate that Ishvalans practiced alchemy to some extent until they saw their prosperous and powerful neighbour (who were even more into alchemy than themselves) literally die in one night. I'd burn the records too and place a ban on the practice as a safety measure fhsnjd

Now I'm actually incredibly insane because the Ishvalan genocide absolutely did not need to be so bloody. All the other blood seals in the country get away with a riot or a battle, but Ishvalans were systematically exterminated; I saw somebody else in the tag wonder whether Father had personal issues with this desert civilisation that, despite its abandonment of alchemy, might be able to see through his schemes because their knowledge of the craft (lost though it might be) predates Amestrian knowledge - and really he was right because Scar's brother cracked the code years before anybody else!!!!

I just had to share my thoughts with you in light of your recent reblog🙏🏻 And also thank you for always answering your asks so thoughtfully!!!

[The reblog that this ask is in reference to.]

Oh shit, hey cool Miles/Scar anon! Always good to see an ask from ya again! :D

[Reply under the readmore]

Anime has no shortage of darker skinned characters with white hair, but certainly the combination of red eyes is less common. I appreciate that fma as a broad series does also have melanated characters with dark hair as well, so it manages to largely avoid the "singular ambiguous ethnic group, no other dark skin tones with realistic dark hair/eyes anywhere to be seen" trope. But you're not wrong, other types of media, particularly from the West, keeps different hair and eye colours for light skin/white fantasy 'races'.

(To digress a bit, I do prefer 03 having the Ishbalans be diverse in their hair colours, so as not to render them as a visual monolith ala mangahood. Still, white hair + red eyes + brown skin tone makes for a visually striking design choice.)

Absolutely agreed with everything regarding Ishval's connection to the surrounding geography and Xerxes. There should have been some Xerxian traits across some modern Ishvalans. Hell, why weren't there any Ishvalan traits with any of the far-too racially homogeneous (and bizarrely white and blond) Xerxians? The idea of there being agriculturally settled Ishvalans that make up the country we know of, while there are nomadic Ishvalans that call the vast "unamed" desert their home is so good! This helps recontextualize that odd no-man's-land treatment of the landmass between Xing and the eastern borders of Amestris, Drachma, and Aerugo: it's that the Amestrian regime does not recognize that land as peopled, ala a form of Terra Nullus (and thus an Amestrian-styled Manifest Destiny for the regions of the desert that would serve to cement Father's bordered geographical alchemic circle). Unsure if the large nations of Drachma and Aerugo similarly project that same racist, imperial lens on the desert as well, but famously the nation state is not a civilizational model that honours, acknowledges, or respects nomadic lifeways and peoples.

Imagine what other Ishvalan or Ishvalan-connected/derived settlements may exist closer to Xing too! And the traits that cross between travel and immigration to and from these societies. It's interesting to contemplate on!

To get back on track here:

I guess we're meant to see much of this country-less desert as the implied size of Xerxes. That this uninhabited land (because canon has no mention of nomadic peoples) is somehow void of (re-)established human life in the 400 years since its calamity. :/ Meh. I rather headcanon that Xerxes was a sizable empire, sure, but that it wasn't the total size of that massive region. If anything, Xerxes could have extended westward into what would one day be Amestrian/Aerugo/maybe even parts of Eastern Drachman territory. This would further highlight Xerxes as the analog to the ancient Persian empire that it's meant to be (which is such a 😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨😮‍💨 decision because goddamn, why are they all homogeneously fantasy Northern/Eastern European in appearance?!) It had to have had desert neighbours that weren't swallowed into its empire, as well as a slew of racial and ethnic groups amalgamated into its own domain as a result of its own imperialism, land capture, and slavery system.

(As an aside, imagine if instead of wholly navigating an entire desert on her own, Mei encountered and was given some aid by different Ishvalan nomads!)

From a purely world building standpoint, it would have been so cool to see the cultural drift and offshoots that develop amongst the range of Nomadic Ishvalans! Man, I would love to see the ethnic subgroups within settled Ishval too. It's fertile ground for anyone who wants to expand on these cultures, which could be awesome if handled by people who don't make garbage racist headcanons/fanworks.

Mangahood seems satisfied to leave the Ishvalan rejection of alchemy and alkehestry unexplained. This could be seen as encouraging readers to put the pieces together (that it's because of what befell Xerxes), which I appreciate in stories. For this I'll give Arakawa the benefit of the doubt for now. I don't want to jump to seeing this as intentionally racist without further evidence for this specific gap in the lore. However, it could be given a more faithless read as "They became religious fanatics Just Because [they're brown]." With the manga showing a congregation of Ishvalans blowing themselves up as an ambush against invading Amestrian pigs, from the perspective of those traumatized boots (hooray, the Dangerous Religious Orient caricature), it's hard for me not to glower at this lack of explanation.

To repeat myself, I'll interpret it the way you have: that the Ishvalans of four centuries ago saw the empty wasteland where Xerxes once ruled. No one could miss the evidence of an the alchemic reaction stitched into the fabric of the now flattened land. From there alchemy and alkehestry (or its unique Ishvalan practice along those veins) would come to be reviled. That understandable reaction eventually being codified via cultural changes and entering (perhaps even creating new) religious doctrine.

The 2003 anime making it more obvious for audiences to put together that the reason Ishbalan culture and the Ishbala religion condemn alchemy as a dangerous, heretic practice is due to the many life perverting, war-enhancing uses of this magic-science was an excellent choice. That the Grand Arcanum and human transmutation were grievous sources of tragedy and horrors, making what few people who still practice any alchemy into pariahs and exiles. We also are shown alchemy as an analog to European colonists forcibly importing their goods, economic systems, Christianity, and weapons across the world in order to shift the cultures of Indigenous peoples and gradually morph them into a more culturally and economically pliable outpost (further rooting Europe into the land and the people and one day cementing different kingdom's land claims). Alchemy was being touted as this advanced science, a sister to the early industrialism of Amestris. Modern Ishbal is not only alchemy abstaining, but it is also a non-industrial society as well (the fantasy science of alchemy sitting right next to its real world analog for the industrial-colonial system). Amestrian colonizers thought of Ishbalans as reactionary, uncivilized savages (ala the European-supremacist view of the rest of humanity), so when the Ishbalans got fed up of being harangued into displays of the "wonder of alchemy," into adopting the Amestrian way, they firmly reject their would-be colonizers. Amestris responds by armed skirmishes and occupation. All of this only further cements that alchemy is a source of misery and destruction.

Fma 03 does all of this explicit world building because the writers wanted to make it clear that everything we're made to believe about "foreign religious fanatic countries/anti-modern societies", particularly regarding the American invasions into West Asia, is racist propaganda that launders the views of imperial nations and backs their conscription for war. The team didn't want to leave this up to the default, racist assumption that viewers would carry thanks to American dominance.

Sadly, mangahood isn't interested in having this same tact. Why, when mangahood's perspective is instead that Ishval is just as guilty for Amestrian atrocities?

Anyway.

"All the other blood seals in the country get away with a riot or a battle, but Ishvalans were systematically exterminated"

Yes! This! When some people flounder about, claiming that the genocide wasn't racist (HELLO????), I have to wonder if they watched/read the same show/comic. Liorans within the rest of Amestris were not stripped from their place in Amestrian society. They weren't imprisoned and judicially murdered. They weren't thoroughly ethnically cleansed (they get to live on their own land) and genocided. Drachma is a warring imperial nation that Amestris has no hope of full scale invading and exterminating, but we see no evidence that Drachmans in Amestris are slaughtered or imprisoned (I would assume they are generally treated poorly and largely live on the lower rungs of society though). But the Ishvalans are to be fully eradicated. Whatever exceptions exist are being covertly protected by some people with power (Miles under Olivier's protection) or refugees hiding in Amestris' periphery.

It was absolutely racially motivated. It could have just been one locally-contained massacre (which of course would still be an atrocity) and that's it. But no, all of Ishval was occupied, toppled, its people ruthlessly mass slaughtered and transmuted, those within Amestris-proper were mass incarcerated and executed. It's unambiguously fascism and ethnonationalist supremacy.

Interesting theory re: Father going after the Ishvalans due to their historical knowledge of their version of alchemy/alkehestry. I can see that playing some part in his own plotting. Still, the nationalism and racism of Amestrians would not stem solely from one homunculus disseminating propaganda overnight. (Not claiming you're saying this btw!) Those soldiers, cops, members of the judicial and carceral systems, and the civilians themselves who are terrified at the sight of Ishvalans carry a bigotry that has to be rooted more deeply in this society than the last decade or so. Think of white supremacy, which had been formed over 500+ years of global European colonialism.

Father could otherwise then exploit this societal prejudice against the Ishvalans to his benefit. As it seems no other occupied people around Amestris' borders/lands have a history of, or knowledge of, alchemy that is tied to the energy running beneath the planet's mantel, it would behoove him to push Ishval to ruin and encourage further fascist constriction against the remaining Ishvalans.

(Scar Bro big brained moments. Man decodes Amestrian alchemic power and the blood seals in a matter of years of study, leading to the dismantling of the nation's centuries-long alchemic control. Fuck Amestris lol)

-

So sorry for the wait! I'm glad these responses have been enjoyable enough to read. Thanks for sharing your thoughts btw! <3 Your perspective on Ishvalan culture really enhances my appreciation of them under the mangahood continuity, which is desperately needed given canon's indifference towards them.

[tackykachowch]

OKAY CHAT I DIDN'T INTEND IT TO BE THIS WAY BUT THIS POST IS SUPER-HUGE. Read at your own risk lol

*taps the mic* Uh, welcome to Chili's. So, I mustered up the courage to finally make a post about how I view Silco and Jinx's relationship and why I think it is actually a lot better than it's commonly perceived. Please please please do not assume that I do this to specifically whitewash Silco or make him less morally gray, this is my genuine read on them based on my own experience and views. I do not claim that I don't have any bias at all, but I think that it didn't influence my opinion that much.

I am going to say this from the start: I don't have much negative to say about them and I don't think of their relationship as toxic. If this point of view is unacceptable to you, please disregard this post. However, if you want to discuss this topic with me and challenge my points, please be civil about it and don't insult me. I don't have any ill intentions, nor am I trying to normalize unhealthy behavior.

Okay, from this preamble to another. This analysis is going to be based entirely on season 1 and nothing else. Some of my points will address common perceptions about them in the fandom, some I'll write as a regular analysis.

Now let's start shall we (yes, this is going to be a one long post because they're so so important to me). In the second paragraph I said that I don't view their relationship as toxic. Let me explain. I think this is a very complex topic and opinions will vary from person to person. Considering that both Silco and Jinx are mentally ill this adds another layer to our already complicated cake. So, for me toxic relationships are those where at least one person almost always behaves in the way they see is right, disregarding other person's wants or needs. It also must include unhealthy/toxic behaviors, i. e. manipulation, gaslighting, possessiveness, control over other person's decisions, physical and/or emotional abuse etc etc. These behaviors must be routinely occurrences and not happen only once or twice. You can say: "But a lot of things you listed exactly describe how Silco behaves towards Jinx!" well. No but I'll get to this later.

There's also an elephant in the room we need to deal with: codependency. Now, I don't claim to be an expert on the topic or even well-informed, but I have a feeling that this term is a Bit overused. Terms, especially medical ones, are very useful for describing one specific thing. But as of late a lot of terms are used on things that are not. Well. The thing the term is describing. You don't need to go far for examples: hyperfixation, depression, panic attack, etc. When knowledge becomes widespread, things like that are inevitable, unfortunately. But back to the topic. Are Jinx and Silco's relationship codependent? I personally don't think so. One of the key characteristics of a codependent relationship is losing a sense of self and disregarding your wants/needs, and Jinx and Silco never display that. They are very self-driven characters. And while Jinx did do some things to impress Silco, it's not necessarily a symptom of a codependent relationship specifically. Again, I'll compare it to medical symptoms. If your right side hurts it doesn't mean you have appendicitis, if you have a short attention span it doesn't mean you have ADHD. Mental health problems Jinx and Silco have can be just that: mental health problems. Trust issues, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment, etc. They don't need to be a part of a bigger problem, even if there are some similarities. (Also just a side note: I got misdiagnosed with OCD this year, so I take correct descriptions and understanding of conditions/words very personally).

MAN THAT WAS TOO LONG. GET TO THE ACTUAL POINTS.

Alright. So first of all, Jinx and Silco are VERY trusting of each other. They both allow each other to enter their personal spaces, and feel comfortable and free in each other's presence. Silco allows Jinx to do his eye injections, to show him physical affection, he also trusts her with missions for his job, even when everyone else is against it. When Jinx in ep4 tells him that "(her screw up) won't happen again", he simply answers "I know". Despite Jinx's own insecurities Silco fully trusts her (sometimes even to his own detriment). And she fully trusts him as well (until the whole Vi shenanigans anyway), what can be seen in a way she's not afraid of his emotions or even to hurt him, because she knows perfectly well that he'll never harm her in any way (physical, I mean). And although there is a clear miscommunication between them in ep4 I don't think it's a common thing between them, and this specific case was caused by Jinx's deeply rooted trauma and low self-esteem, which Silco is unfortunately unable to fix.

Now onto the probably most common criticism of Silco specifically: that he made Jinx his weapon and raised her to be this bloodthirsty on purpose. And to this I say - no way. Silco DOES love Jinx and DOES trust her, but he's not blind and not an idiot. He perfectly knows that Jinx can cause a huge mess and potential troubles on the missions, his subordinates hate her, her mental state is unstable and therefore she's not the most reliable asset in the slightest, nor a necessary one. At no point do we get actual proof that Silco needs Jinx specifically for his operations, he seems to allow her to participate in them out of her own volition. After all, she does like being needed and included in the family business. You could argue that he needs Jinx for her gadgets and weapons, but nobody besides her uses them, so this option doesn't fit. "But he did request her to build Fishbones!" yeah. After Jinx stole the gemstone, again, out of her own choice. Silco is a swift strategist, if he sees an opportunity somewhere he takes it immediately. So there's nothing actually wrong with him asking Jinx to build a weapon with the use of gemstone. She didn't steal it for it to just. Lie there, after all. As to her bloodthirsty-ness I think he only nurtured what was already there. If you remember, in the very first episode Jinx made a bomb with NAILS in it. I don't think I need to tell you that it's just a horrible idea for a bomb, and she was only 9 at the time. As to Silco's "become what they fear" line. I don't think it indicates that he specifically raised Jinx to be a weapon, because he applied the same phrase to himself and we don't see him running around throwing glitter bombs at everyone (although it would've been cool to see ngl).

Next - Silco is very supportive of Jinx. His office is filled with things she drew all over, her inventions are tied to the ceiling. When Jinx is overwhelmed and upset about the failed mission he tells her to "focus on her gadgetry" and to "take some time". He clearly knows what she likes and what would put her in a better mood. He also doesn't restrict her self-expression, which can be seen in the way Jinx looks. I mean, you'd think that Silco would probably want for her to wear something more...classy? But he doesn't mind even one bit.

Another point I see a lot - that Silco loves Jinx but not Powder. I actually kiiinda understand where this point of view comes from, because the show does frame Vi and Silco as representatives of her Powder and Jinx persona respectively, but I don't think the text itself supports this. Let's take the river scene because it is the cause of this discussion in the first place after all. Silco tells Jinx that she needs "to let Powder die" and that "Jinx is perfect", but I don't necessarily agree that he meant it in a "choose between two of your personas" kind of way, because this conflict never existed between them in the first place. Vi does want "Powder" to come back, but Silco didn't show anything that would indicate of him disliking young Jinx in any way. He did adopt her when she was still Powder, after all. And even if she changed her name on the same night, her personality didn't, because that's not how humans work. So, he NEEDED to love Powder to raise her. Back to the river scene, he tells Jinx that she needs to let Powder die so "the fear of pain would no longer control (her)". "Powder" is tightly connected to Jinx's trauma of killing her entire family and Vi leaving her, i. e. the fear of pain of being betrayed again and the fear of messing up. In terms of psychology she really does need to live through this moment and properly process it, but unfortunately there's no psychologists in neither Piltover or Zaun, and Silco being mentally ill and not knowing better himself can only help her this way. "Jinx is perfect" also doesn't mean that he prefers Jinx over Powder, but rather "Jinx, the person you are right now, is perfect and strong. You need to let that weak part of you (Powder) die, so you can move on and become something greater". Jinx might've interpreted his line in the wrong way herself, but again, there's no actual evidence of Silco liking "Powder" less and only ever wanting "Jinx". And if we hop further into the finale, he literally says "YOU are perfect". Whatever seat she chooses, she will always be perfect to him. Even if she turns against him and everything he fights for, even if she kills him, even if she hates him, she remains perfect in his eyes. He might differentiate "Powder" and "Jinx" and a weaker/stronger part of her, but despite all that she's still his daughter.

Also. He's dealing with her mental health SOOOO great chat it's not even funny. I mean obviously he can't take care of it perfectly because again, psychology is non-existent in this world, but everything he CAN do he does just sooo good. He never lets other people berate or insult her, if he scolds her he only ever does this in private, he always tries to be patient and gentle with her, and the only time we seem him lash out at her is after Jinx stole the gemstone. He also seems to know what causes her psychosis and how to stop it, because he yells "Don't listen to her!" to Jinx when Vi triggers her, and then proceeds to try and shoot in Vi's direction to shut her up. We now know that this wasn't the best decision at all, but he literally goes feral when Jinx is hurt, so can you really blame him? There is of course an issue of him enabling her violence and letting her do everything she wants, but to cut Silco some slack he deals with a very mentally ill child, and as we saw in ep3 cutting Jinx off of something can easily cause her to have a mental breakdown. So I think partly his enabling was caused by his want not to hurt her.

Phew. I think we only need to get through the minor points now.

Manipulation: we only ever see Silco manipulate Jinx once, when he lied to her about Cait and Vi's reason for being in the Underground. Nothing indicates that he regularly manipulated her before.

Possessivness: I think this claim also doesn't have substantial evidence to back it up. We only see Silco being possessive of Jinx because of Vi, and even then it's not pure possessiveness. He literally doesn't want Jinx to be betrayed and possibly even killed like him. I think if Jinx just wanted to leave him on her own he would be a-okay with that. Also he doesn't watch over what she does/where she goes, which again reinforces his trust in her and him respecting her privacy.

Silco isolated Jinx from others: uhhh. See the end of the previous paragraph. If Jinx wanted to befriend someone she could've easily done that, and Silco wouldn't even know. The only person she couldn't befriend because of him is Ekko, but even he says to Vi that Jinx chose to be on Silco's side herself, so *shrugs*

And with that, I think I covered everything I wanted about their relationship. It's not perfect, but it's not bad either. Personally, I don't want to label it as anything, because minus the drug mafia and murders aspects they're just a regular father and daughter. There are no perfect parents, there are no perfect children, but if they try their hardest to love each other in a way they're both happy with, they're great in my book.

[tobbesdiscordkitten]

Back again with the erin topic, i’ve read the other day in a online forum that axl caused erin’s miscarriage, i have no idea if it’s true but okay, i’ll give you the link and the extract of it, since it’s in spanish because i’m from Argentina lol sorry.

https://www.guioteca.com/rock/la-terrible-relacion-de-axl-rose-con-erin-everly-una-historia-que-termino-en-violencia-brutal/

This is the extract i meant: “One night in 1989, Erin had enough and went home. But Axl followed her and knocked on her door. He held a gun to his temple and said he would shoot himself if they didn’t get married.” that’s one, here’s the other: “You know how rock is; within its stories, there are chapters that are impossible to verify. The saddest one says that during those days, Erin became pregnant, but Axl liked to drag his wife across the floor. He would grab her by the hair while she screamed for him not to kill her. In one of the musician’s fits of rage, Everly supposedly lost the baby. That was the sign the couple needed to end the relationship.”

At first, I thought a similar way about Erin’s miscarriage because her relationship with Axl was tumultuous, and the stress she was experiencing could’ve caused the baby to die. However, after further looking into this, I can’t conclude that Axl was the sole reason for Erin’s miscarriage. Neither of us know what TRULY happened, but there seems to be other factors that link to her miscarriage. I’ll gladly discuss it below the cut.

Firstly, there are many reasons why women suffer miscarriages. It could be because of environmental factors such as being exposed to toxins, like radiation, or smoking, drinking alcohol, and using illegal drugs. I don’t know if Erin smoked, but I do know Axl took up the habit, and so did a majority of the population during the ‘80s. The second-hand smoke from cigarettes could’ve been a factor. I also hope Erin strayed away from alcohol after discovering she was pregnant since alcoholic beverages can cause deformities.

There was a drug-related incident that occurred between Erin and Steven Adler where she overdosed on heroin. Erin got pregnant in the summer of 1990. Steven was fired from GNR on September 6, 1990. A few days later, Erin got into a physical fight with Axl and went to Steven, asking to inject her with heroin. Steven claims he never injected Erin, yet, both Andy McCoy and Angela Nicolletti, who were witnesses that night, declare otherwise.

Not only did Erin overdose, she was found with her pants down, and many speculated Steven raped her. I’m not sure if this part is even true but I find it odd (and disturbing) how Erin was left in such a state. She was taken to the hospital afterwards and survived. The newspapers manipulated parts of Erin’s story, explaining that the cause for her hospitalization was because Axl beat her when, in reality, it was because of her OD. I’m speculating her OD played a huge part in her miscarriage.

Other reasons why women miscarry is because of food poisoning, diseases, infections, high fevers, and a weakened cervix - known as fibroids - where the cervical muscles dilate too early during pregnancy. It’s possible Erin might’ve had these other problems as well, we just don’t know about it’s confirmation.

Although Axl and Erin’s relationship had become “very strained” by August of 1989, I like to believe Axl beat Erin less and regulated his emotions more after finding out she was gonna have a baby. Why do I believe this? Because, in Axl’s Rolling Stone interview, from 1992, he explains:

My mom's pregnancy wasn't a welcome thing. My mom got a lot of problems out of it, and I was aware of those problems…My real father was a pretty fucked-up individual. I didn't care too much for him when I was born. I didn't like the way he treated my mother. I didn't like the way he treated me before I was born. So when I came out, I was just wishing the motherfucker was dead.

Perhaps Axl was subconsciously aware how his mistreatment towards Erin could affect the baby, making him try to be a better individual, not just for Erin, but for their child. They probably still fought, just not as often, or as intensely as before. In another interview, Axl tells Howard Stern how his relationship with Erin is “stronger than it’s ever been!” He sounded pretty delighted and genuine about it, too. It doesn’t make any sense to me why Axl would act like his father, you know? Hence, why I believe he tried to be a better person.

People can interpret Erin’s miscarriage as a sign that their relationship was gonna end soon. Nothing else was gonna bring them closer together. The baby was their only hope 🥺

As for Axl’s “gunpoint proposal” to Erin, here’s my response to that whole situation => here

Hopefully this clarified everything for you, anon! <3

[thefangdomcryptid]

Villains

Yeah, I've been trying to sleep but it's been eluding me, and when sleep eludes me, I tend to hyperfocus on things. In this case, villains and how people treat them or worse, people that like them.

I am and always have been a fan of villains and morally grey characters. I just find them fascinating, and love to see what drove them to their actions. I see a lot of people that complain about villains not being villains anymore and I'm just here like: perhaps you never really understood them in the first place. Perhaps you just want them to be one-dimensional because the thought of humanizing them and realizing that that villain could very well be you, or someone you love if someone just pushed you hard enough, if someone just bullied you hard enough. Perhaps, if that is how you want to see them, then they're not for you, and that's okay. And even villains who are just "irredeemable" still have some depth to them. Slaughtering millions for no reason because you can is soooo basic (yes I'm looking at you Bhaal. Bombastic side-eye)

Also the constant "but they're evil, they can never do good!" Even alignments are flexible. Because *gasp!* they were written by humans with complex emotions. Good people can do bad things and bad people can do good things, it's not a one size fits all characterization.

And then of course, my biggest pet peeve is when people police how you enjoy your characters. "You can like this villain, BUT you can't condone their actions." I am here to tell you, yes I can. You know why? Because THEY ARE VILLAINS. They're not going to invite people for tea and crumpets now are they? Villains do villainous things and that includes some very unsavory crap. Which I am fine with, because again, they're not the good guys. And sometimes, I'm glad some villains bite the dust, because they're just bad people. And sometimes I find myself rooting for some form of redemption story.

Sometimes villains are not for you, accept it and move along, instead of trying to inject your unwanted opinion into every piece of media involving a villain you hate.

Same goes for certain types of media. No creator has to cater to your sensitive soul. You are responsible for your own media consumption. Shows and books like Outlander or Game of Thrones are not for everyone, so instead of trying to police people who can stomach such content, find something else to read, there are enough books and shows out there that fit what you like. And no, just because a writer writes questionable stuff, it does not mean they are into that, and also, actors are NOT their characters, get therapy. For real.

And last but not least, I am not here to start and endless discussion with fandom weirdos. Try me and get blocked.

I will leave you with a gif of Aemond serving CVNT. (And no, I am not Team Green or Black, I am Team Aemond, Team Daemon and Team Dragon LOL)

[letters-to-rosie]

another fic idea: the timebomb Howl's Moving Castle AU

Ekko's Moving Treehouse!

blatantly inspired by @redrum-alice's FANTASTIC artwork and developed in collaboration with @lullabyes22-blog, because I've been fawning over the art since it was posted and I just knew there had to be a way this could work because it was so cute and the potential just jumped off the page for me

(you've probably seen it but go look at it if you haven't it's so good)

me and Lullabyes have both read the book and seen the movie, so we combined a lot of ideas from both versions, and this is the result so far:

so Silco is the Witch of the Waste lol

Jinx's curse turns her eyes pink (and they stay that way, like Sophie's hair turning white!)

our girl is on a journey of ✨self-discovery✨ and to find her family. Silco does not understand why and just wants her to come home for dinner lol

instead of happening upon Ekko, Jinx goes looking for him because she heard there's a wizard wandering around who helps people

Ekko's castle is a treehouse, and the roots walk!

Jinx: "What a stupid way to treat a tree!" DX (a book line lol)

Jinx keeps arguing with the curse and it weirds Ekko out but she's just arguing with Silco lol

Ekko is a big grump because he gave his heart away to protect it after so much loss 😭

Jinx does not clean his house. she just redecorates. she draws on everything, including the Wall of the Fallen, and Ekko is thisssss close to strangling her at all times but he's promised to help

Jinx: "Ya gotta inject some levity into this narrative!" /casually breaks 4th wall

Silco's henchpeople keep showing up and Ekko fights them off but they're just trying to get Jinx to come back for dinner

Silco: "Discover? What are you discovering? Gold? Dinner's getting cold!"

at some point Jinx will have to cut up Ekko's clothes mwahaha

Ekko has the Slime Meltdown™ because Jinx breaks his hoverboard and he needs to be airborne and free or else there's no point in living

Heimerdinger is Madame Sullivan/Suliman, Ekko's old magic teacher who tells Jinx she's a witch like in the book 🪄

he even has the intro that makes him appear all spooky at first before his furball nature is revealed

maybe instead of giving life to things she animates machines???

they have a cute breakfast scene in Ekko's treehouse where Jinx eats real fruit the first time

Vi leaves a flare lit for Jinx all this time, and Ekko helps her find it

we didn't discuss this, but I think it would be interesting if Vi was Turnip Head, trying to communicate through Jinx throughout the story and maybe pushing her into situations that she doesn't really want (which has to do with how we're imagining the ending; Vander could also be Warwick instead and serve the same purpose???? wait I'm cooking here)

I also want Ajuna to be Michael/Markl lol

the end of the story sees Jinx decide to be true to herself; even though she knows that Silco and Vi both love her, she's gotta do her own thing

despite being super annoying lol she helps Ekko live in the moment and get his heart back, and they fall for each other and it's mushy as hell okay

"She's like very decorative lichen growing on his tree and he can't get rid of her, so by the story's end she's just become part of the natural treescape."

and at the end they keep traveling in the treehouse to see the world and help people and so Jinx can come into her witch powers

probably would be easy to insert all the war themes

Jinx coming into her own and being cute, Ekko learning to love again after this woman just barges into his life, family themes, romance, what more could we want???

[cinderflower]

🧡 💖 💔 💀 ER (i recognize the last two are probably the same question but fuck it we ball lol)

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

That Trina has always been a separate being from Miquella. Her existence being entwined with Miquella has largely informed my perspective on his character and the way the base game presents Trina as being an alias for Miquella that exists only in the realm of dreams never struck me as a Marika/Radagon situation but rather a case of Trina being an intentional expression of Miquella's identity. It's why I headcannon Miquella as genderfluid/transfemme, because in a setting where he's trapped in a body which can't grow and can't change, it always seemed so intentional that his alter ego in the dream world would be feminine/androgynous which we see in the item descriptions mistaking Trina for both a young boy and young girl. I don't think there's any way anyone would mistake DLC Trina for a young boy, and there's also such a disconnect in her design vs the base game Trina designs we see on all the related items.

The only interpretation I will ever be on board with is that Trina was always a facet of Miquella and when he split Trina out it was his way of forcing himself into a box and just like he had to cast aside his flesh and his fears, Trina was him casting aside his love - self love, and the identity he chose for himself, sacrificing that part of him for a future path I don't think he initially intended to walk. And that's when I think it becomes a Marika/Radagon situation, not before then.

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

Again more about the DLC than the base game but I really don't like how they approached the overarching narrative they tried to tell. I think the base game's approach in discussing the systems of violence being wielded by the Golden Order and how its presence and existence caused the world to stagnate, and how the pursuit of power and change by those too entrenched in the system that they're doomed to fail, was so much more powerful than the same tired Everything Is Cycles narrative they fell back on with the hornsent and Miquella becoming Marika 2.0

The DLC narrative was also SO heavy handed in some of the points which they didn't do in the base game?? Which was really jarring to me as a longtime FS player where everything is usually so cryptic and vague and then for a couple of the key plot beats in the DLC it was bashing the players over the head with telling not showing and I just don't like that approach, it's not what lures me into FS games.

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

Definitely Promised Retcon Radahn - the inclusion of him and all his side characters in the DLC has such insane friction with the base game lore that was setup and makes a battle that had such a strong impact narratively now make NO sense for the characters or their motivations. His inclusion has done such irreparable harm to the series and all the characters involved including Radahn. His character should have remained what it was in the base game because it made him so much more compelling and interesting within the narrative. Plus it would have spared me from having the see the most brain dead takes to try and justify the whole subplot.

💀: If you had to choose one major character to die, who would you choose?

This might be a spicy hot take, but I think Miquella should have been dead in the cocoon. I guess you can argue he is maybe? But it's so unclear what's actually going on with that body. It's always kind of what I thought was going to be the original direction with his character anyway, where his haligtree transformation got interrupted, FM influence gets injected and Miquella dies and his body becomes a vessel for the FM and the repercussions of that. Kind of like how Godwyn becomes a husk for Destined Death thats corrupting the land, I really wanted to explore what the fallout would have been from a FM corrupted Miquella zombie. Miquella/Trina still could have existed in the dream world as spirits but his flesh would have been dead. Ah, what could have been, oh well.

[melonteee]

i have a feeling many people went in with the same resolution of focusing on moments they did right and acknowledging the flaws later (and then cranked it up to eleven whoops here's the positivity crusade comin' in hot) . i can count a shit ton of weird scenario moments, scenes missing and scenes injected, some pretty bizarre and disappointing, but generally? after 8 episodes? it's a good show *shrugs*. like, honestly, we're the minority who actually reads into themes and characters, so it's the bias of a fan - which is the source of a criticism in a good faith - but to eye of a first time watcher, i have a feeling it's going to be a positive experience all in all (au contraire to bebop), and more than welcoming to engage with the source. which is good!

if they don't, well... okay, that's up to discussion how true the characters were to themselves to paint a general picture - over the course of first eight eps and with the promise of growth if the next seasons are going to happen *shrugs*

No but exactly, it IS a good show. It does do things well, in all honestly the biggest flaw IS the script. But apart from some odd shots, everything else feels fine! I never questioned whether this show would be good, I questioned if this show would be its OWN. But it unfortunately heavily relies way too much on the nostalgia base, and the fandom uproar, to actually BE something. I can feel a semblance of a beating heart, but unfortunately it's not strong enough to truly invest me. It doesn't know what it's trying to be and if it wants its own voice or not.

Again, this show is great if I turn my brain off for it, but as you said anon - we are the minority who are scoping this under a critical eye - and I can fully accept I see it this way because my head is way too laser focused on the writing of one piece lol. By no means saying the average viewer is stupid at all for this, but just saying they can go into this with a lot more energy than I can hhh

[keplercryptids]

Hey, I sent an ask earlier asking about help with medications for migraines and I now see a bunch of your past resource posts. Thank you for taking the time to write and post about your experiences.

I was prescribed sumatriptan a few months ago, but haven't taken it often because it makes me feel dizzy, fatigued, lightheaded, and gives me brain fog. But I've been taking 50mg and never considered decreasing the dose! I plan to try 25mg now. I've been relying on ibuprofen, excedrin, and cannabis to treat pain which isn't great for my long term health. If you have any more suggestions, they are more than welcome and very appreciated

I guess I have 2 new questions, if you'll have em :)

1. So far I haven't found any of your posts that discuss preventative options. Do you have experience with these? What was your experience like?

2. Healthline says that one shouldn't cut or crush the tablet. Based on your posts, I assume your experience with doing this is fine, but I wanted to make sure before trying it.

Genuinely thank you for any help you may be able to give me. I downloaded the keeler method because of your recommendation.I appreciate it🐝

hi! some folks definitely get some gnarly side effects from sumatriptan. i was told by my physician that cutting the pill in half is fine, and i've been cutting the pills for 10 years without issue. but take that with a grain of salt, i'm obviously not a chemist lol. you may also want to ask your doctor about other triptans (rizatriptan, zolmitriptan, etc). it's possible that you'll react similarly to all triptans, but maybe there's an option that you'll tolerate better.

there are many options for migraine preventatives, which i have been exploring for 7 or 8 years now. keep in mind that my experience comes from living in the US with private health insurance. i can't speak to how you'd go about this in a different country or if you're uninsured, etc. also keep in mind that health insurance might not approve you for preventatives (especially the newer, better ones) unless you've been diagnosed with chronic migraine (meaning, 15 or more migraine days per month).

something i highly recommend to everyone suffering from regular headaches is to start taking magnesium. start at a lower dose (200mg daily), which you can increase to 400-600mg. magnesium is affordable, accessible and well-tolerated by most people, and is shown to be effective at preventing migraines. the main side effect is a laxative effect, so proceed cautiously if you have problems with that.

as far as prescriptions go, older migraine preventatives fall into three classes: antidepressants (usually amitryptaline), anticonvulsants (topiramate is a common one), and blood pressure medications. newer (and better, but more expensive) preventatives are: botox injections and CGRP inhibitors. in most cases, you'll need to jump through hoops to get these better preventatives. health insurance usually requires that you try and fail two of the three classes of old-school preventative before approving you for botox or CGRPs.

i've tried amitryptaline (did nothing; also, i don't tolerate antidepressants well) and three different anticonvulsants (topiramate, gabapentin and lamotrigine). i had horrible reactions to the anticonvulsants, with side effects like constant brain fog, tingling in my extremities, changes to how food tasted, increased headaches, and a full-body rash, to name a few. i don't say this to discourage anyone from trying these preventatives--in fact, many folks have great results with them. but they're medications used to stop seizures. they're heavy duty and the side effects should be weighed against their benefit.

botox (injected every three months by my neurologist) worked amazingly for about 6-8 months, and at its best i was only getting one or two migraines a week (which for me is great). but over the last six months, it stopped working as well and i was back to getting 10-15 migraine days per month. i would have liked to keep getting botox while pursuing other options, but insurance wants you to try monotherapies first. so i stopped botox and i'm in the process of getting approved to try aimovig (a CGRP inhibitor that you inject yourself once a month). there are other CGRPs that are in tablet form, like nurtec. CGRPs work remarkably well for lots of people, so i'm hopeful.

as a final note to this very long post lol, if you're able to get a referral to a neurologist or, better yet, a neurologist with a migraine/chronic pain specialty, i highly recommend doing so!

[skaruresonic]

If I had a nickel for every time I've seen the fandom of a Konami franchise being filled with anti-woke dudebros poisoning the well of criticism against a product, giving the fans of said product an easy excuse to dismiss every criticism against it because "You're just X-phobic" I'd have 2 nickels

How quaint

(bonus: both games are 2001 sequels to seminal first entry titles and considered overhyped/series' golden cows by some :P)

Yeah, like. It's hard to wedge in a discussion on what the game is actually about when both sides are too busy accusing each other of being bigoted. Meanwhile you're just standing there like "can we talk about the themes and gameplay now." Lol.

The number of times I've heard a YouTuber sneer "woke," as if that even meant anything to the SH2 remake's standard of quality in general, and noped out of the rest of the video are... well... more than one, to say the least.

Like, I don't really care in the slightest about whether Bloober injected "DEI" into the game; I care about whether they made a faithful remake, and in my estimation they haven't.

I don't think they had an agenda other than to gratify their own egos by leeching onto the creative work of Team Silent, because they've pretty much said so in their own words. It's frankly kind of stupid to go the conspiratorial route with how Bloober are pushing some "woke" agenda when the Silent Hill series has always been, more or less, "woke." Maybe not along the axis of race - it'd be nice to have an indigenous protagonist - but certainly along that of gender.

Seriously, if 1-4 released as-is today, they'd be decried "woke."

Harry Mason, an adoptive dad proving to be a far superior parent to his child than Dahlia Gillespie, an abusive mom who subjects her child to years of torture for personal gain? Preposterous! What do you mean he's not a secret predator?

A game where a terminally-ill woman is not portrayed as a total martyr, and her husband isn't an alpha male? Insulting! Not to mention how they ~sexualize~ Angela's trauma: Team Silent must be pedos somehow!

Don't even get me started on 3 lmao. The fucking field day they'd have with 3. "This game is a load of garbage because it's pushing a trans agenda!" (game is one big metaphor for unwanted pregnancy but also covers topics like religious trauma, guilt, revenge, abuse, and sin) "Why do they expect me to empathize with a girl protagonist? Everybody knows girls don't suffer the way boys do! Do they want me to change my gender right this second????"

4... well, tbh, I think they'd be okay with 4 since Eileen and Cynthia receive sexy outfits. But idk, they'd probably find something to bitch about there too ig. Maybe something about how Henry isn't chad enough to defeat Walter, or how Walter is a beta cuck because mommy issues. (shrug)

[sneezemonster15]

https://at.tumblr.com/lunyzare/705701708638076928/351rhupkm4bt

i think she might be talking about you somewhat? she even brings up how she dislikes it when people say sasuke is gay for naruto in response to people saying he slept with karin

Meh. I have never said 'it's obvious' about Hashimada. So they might not be talking about me. Lots of SNS shippers talk about SNS being obvious because it is. Denying it IS heteronormative and ignorant. I have discussed it many times before. I have also talked about random subjective interpretation and how problematic and reductive it is. Also stupid. When people say SNS is not romantic, they are just glossing over or dismissing many narratively commonplace and classical romance tropes, visual imagery and literary context that Kishi writes and draws very thoughtfully. And many same exact tropes used to portray closetedness used in this story can be identified in a wide variety of popular gay media worldwide. It's not that difficult to recognise these tropes. When the same romance tropes and visual imagery are used for f/m relationships, these same fans fawn all over it like their lives depend on it. And this is a fandom where the most neutral action in a f/m dynamic is forcibly interpreted as romantic. So no. A subjective interpretation where fans say SNS is platonic is transparently heteronormative, lol, they aren't fooling anyone. Sorry but if fans think one cannot see this hypocrisy, they are mistaken. Heh. This is why I suggest people to watch gay media. This is why I list the names of such media in my posts. I don't feel bad in the least for seeing through all that dumb whining.

Like I always say, people can only understand media as per their worldviews and understanding of the world. What they can't see, they won't understand. What's extremely clear to me might not be to others. But that's why I write this blog where I damn well overexplain everything and even entertain silly asks, inject quite a bit of my effort into it. Because I feel like I owe this story. If I am able to benefit a fellow fan, great. If not, well, I can only explain things to them, I can't understand it for them. That's their responsibility, not mine.

Oh and Sasuke is gay for Naruto and SK headcanons are embarrassing. 😺

[cosmicjoke]

the fact that there is still a lot of mistranslated information about levi circulating around probably doesn't help with people trying to erase his personality and its core aspects to fit the narrative they have created about him :') it is not bad to have headcanons about a character or to have a different opinion, but you still have to acknowledge how that character truly is in canon, not erase it and push your personal views onto other people that see differently or prefer the canon, this has always bothered me about fandoms tbh you can enjoy media or a certain character without trying to force your personal headcanon into being seen as canon (or to literally change everything about that character), and then attacking others for not agreeing on another note, i hope you have been doing okay!!<3

First, thanks for asking how I've been! Pretty good, though the last week on this site has been pretty awful, if I'm being honest, lol.

But yeah, everything you said. Nobody ever said you can't have headcanons or imagine whatever character the way you want to. That's what fanfiction and fan art is for, after all. Just don't come into discussions where people are trying to talk about the actual, canon story and inject your personal headcanons into it and present them as some sort of objective fact, because that obscures the ability to have an actually substantive discussion about the material and it causes fights. Even just the fact that these people think there's some argument to be had about what is and isn't canon is ridiculous. It's not a difficult premise to understand. The only thing that's canon is what happens in the actual story, what we see happen in the story, and it's all that ultimately matters when trying to understand the story and the characters therein.

I keep getting called homophobic because I won't say Levi is gay or in love with Erwin, as if my refusal to apply a headcanon to Levi is indicative of my bigotry, lol. I won't say it because it's not part of Levi's character, and so it's irrelevant when discussing his character and understanding who he is. It's literally nonessential. It's got nothing to do with whether I want Levi to be gay or not. Like I said, I'm writing two separate stories where I depict Levi as a gay man, lol, but apparently I'm some raging homophob to these people because I won't acknowledge their headcanon as canon or even possibly canon. I won't because it's not, not because I'm a bigot. It's like these people can't think past their own obsessions. If they paid even the slightest bit of attention to what I say when I talk about Levi within the context of canon, I never talk about his sexuality or any potential love interests he might have. I only talk about what we actually HAVE of Levi in canon. I talk about his canon relationships with other characters, I talk about his motives and essential characteristics and qualities. I talk about his actual words and actions and expressions. All stuff that actually occurs within the story itself and which can be backed up by the story and narrative.

You don't see me coming onto other people's blogs who talk about shipping Levi and Erwin, or Levi and Hange, or Levi and anyone else, and telling them they can't do that, or telling them they're wrong for doing it. I don't care. Say whatever you want, believe whatever you want. But don't come onto my blog and tell me that I'm arrogant or entitled because I won't accept their headcanon as canon. They act like I'm victimizing them because I won't affirm their headcanons on MY blog, lol. It's so stupid. They're so stupid, and so self-centered, it's almost unreal.

[skips-is-asleep]

Psionic Headcanons And Rules

Can't get this out of my head, here's the rules I semi-strictly follow when writing Sollux for RP or writing fanfics. I hate when people write Sollux's powers are being able to do anything at any point in time with no restrictions, so these are the restrictions I place upon him to make everything more interesting. Some of these are popular/universally accepted, some are perhaps a bit controversial ;)

Once again, Pink text is for tangents but more often than not, Sollux specific headcanons

Psionics have to look at whatever they're using their powers on. The only exception is that they can use it on themselves at any time, but this is my explanation for why voidrot (what happens to Sollux after his big fight with Eridan if u didn't know) blinds them. Sometimes I break this rule but I try hard lol, it depends on what I'm writing

Psionics + Water generally do not mix. The rule of thumb is that psi doesn't work when is under water, so under active water flow/rain/shower or submerged in water. They can still grab wet things, but if the thing is underwater, they can't grab it. Also things being underwater impacts how they see the thing, see rule 1. This is ultimately why I think Solllux has a fear of the ocean/drowning because it's the one place his powers will fail him and he has zero control of what's happening. He's not usually a control freak, but when you can't even control your own breath supply???

Speaking of water and rain, psionics can't use their powers in lightning storms and also can sense where lightning will strike. 8/10, it's on them. They are person shaped lightning rods and can be struck multiple times if not under cover. It doesn't kill them, but it does hurt and they will get sick and not have access to their powers for a few days after. Due to high EM in the air anyways, psionic's powers are highly unpredictable in this setting. They often flail and whip and become their own little bolts of lightning with little control over it.

Psionics have power caps and need recharging, so to speak. They use sleep and food to replenish their energy just like non-psionics do and having low power impacts their overall mood and physical as well as psychic abilities. They also have a cap of energy they can use at any given point in time before they'll be done and need to rest/eat. If they go past this threshold, the risk for voidrot is increased significantly.

Voidrot is essentially like your laptop being at 1% and not being able to charge past it. Yeah you could keep it plugged in, but it's never going to go to full power and you shouldn't unplug it for long periods of time or use it for pretty much anything. A voidrotten psionic uses their powers, and they'll die.

There is a particular spot on psionics that if pinched, will temporarily subdue their powers. Think of it like putting a kink in a hose, it stops the water from flowing, but as soon as you let go, it'll start flowing again. Depending on the psionic, they might have a temporary lack of control of power.

This is the spot, I don't know much about biology but my logic is that the neck is like the main "wire" feeding the energy down from their brain to the rest of their body.

This weak spot is a HEAVILY guarded secret among psionics. They all have an unspoken agreement that they don't tell anyone about it, even other lowbloods, because should anyone else overhear it or the information spread around, it could be extremely dangerous for them as a population. The only other people that know this are ascended highblood adults, trolls that hunt psionics to bring them to their ascension.

Because this is so heavily guarded, lots of psionics don't even tell each other. They often find out about it themselves in private and either dont mention it to anyone else or seek out other psionics to discuss it.

When psionics get captured, a special device will be placed here to constantly squeeze this area for easy transport. This is also where injections for psionics happen to measure their "voltage" for lack of better term and also where permanent wiring will go when they are helmed as well as other areas.

This is so important, I know everyone thinks it's so so hot, but psionics would not feel good in the bedroom. They're not like hands, they can't stroke or insert or whatever else people make them do. I see it more as a cloud of energy that can pick things up or tools that can disappear. They can hold things, like people (up or down) or items but I think that's about it in terms of adult fun to be had with them.

Psionic energy isn't literally electric energy, but it is very similar and can be very easily converted into literal electricity. Psionics can hold open sockets or plugs and charge various items, or they can hold batteries and feel if they have a charge left on them. Stronger psionics can charge items to full power and precisely tell how much charge is left, but this takes more effort or is impossible for weaker psionics

Psionics can sense each other, but only in relatively close proximity. Think of indoor grocery stores as the general radius we're dealing with. Outside is very hit or miss, but small indoor spaces are a yes.

Psionic Involuntarily Sparking (PIS) is kind of like dogs tail wagging. It's a sign of high energy, and the type of energy that's being displayed is dependant on context. Dogs tails can wag when they're happy, highly stressed or angry, PIS can happen the same way. Some psionics drop the P and call it IS-ing, some embrace the unintentionally humor and call it pissing. #onlypsionicswillunderstand

Psionics can concentrate a stream of power to zap things with about the same power as exposed wiring or open circuits if that makes sense. Depending on intent and the power of the user, this could be a light shock or it could leave a mark. In a fic, I utilized this in a way so Sollux could concentrate his psionics into a powerful laser, like you'd see in a gun in Fallout/sci Fi movies.

Psionics have a glow to their eyes that, when "fully charged" it's about as bright as a phone on full brightness. As they get tired or malnourished, this glow will diminish and can go completely dark (voidrot.)

Wearing eyewear that matches your eyes is semi-common fashion trend among psionics, but Sollux's serve a dual purpose in that he often gets photosensitive when he uses his powers too much in a given session.

Psionics horns are very sensitive, but in a bad way. Their powers go out of their brain out through their horns and are, as a result, painful to the touch most of the time. Depending on how much they've used them in a given evening, it can range from a slight soreness to excruciating when touched. The only time their horns wouldn't hurt is if the user abstained from using their powers for at least a full day.

Psionics don't HAVE to use their powers every day.......but it's difficult not to and there are consequences to not using your powers for long periods of time. Psionics commonly experience Build Up, where their tank is too full. This manifests differently depending on the user, often hyperactivity, but it's completely normal to be irritable or overemotional when experiencing build up. In Sollux, this almost always is the cause for coding binges, or other projects that he'll sink tens of hours into in one given session. It's sort of like forgetting to take your ADHD meds and then creating your own choose your own adventure game instead of sleeping for three straight nights.

Most psionics are not psychic in other ways. For them, that's their draw, but Solllux, like always, is just a special case.

Psionics are measured from a very standard tier, I'm sure I don't have to explain what it looks like. What goes into deciding which tier a user goes into is based on a couple things. Raw power, control, endurance, longevity, and consistency. Sollux is S tier bc I think its funny. Psionics are given a tier at first pupation and have to check in every so often to complete tests and receive an updated score.

[mjjune]

Because the internet is the place for *bizzare* specificity; since you're into neuroanatomy and fiction, can I ask you about anencephaly?

Specifically, I have an OC in a sci-fi work whose whole thing is a skull plate and partial brain implant, without which she loses functions like speech and motor control. She was picked out of the trash as a baby and raised by a cyborg surgeon, hence her improbable surviving and thriving. Her relative frailty (one bonk and there goes the hardware) marks her as a pacifist among an otherwise conflict-hungry cast, though far from timid.

I'm curious how feasible this concept is, SF handwaves notwithstanding? Are there survivable degrees of anencephaly? Moreover, would it be insensitive to cover such a topic or to paint it in such broad strokes?

Thanks for your time.

Wow ok!!! Going back to my hardcore neuroanatomy days.

So brains are A LOT. I'll put this under the cut.

Things I discuss below:

Anencephaly & Mortality

How to Treat Anencephaly (theoretically)

Somewhat "Plausible" Ways to Treat Anencephaly in Sci-Fi

Brain Development Regarding Speech Deficits

Sci-Fi Implants & Disability Discussion

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT A DOCTOR. I have taken multiple masters-level neuroanatomy classes and I work in healthcare full time as my day job. This is all theoretical and based on my (non-physician) medical knowledge and experience reading and writing sci-fi fantasy. There is no known way to treat anencephaly in real life and it is not survivable. Regarding the disabilities I discuss, please correct me if you see anything wrong! I am by no means a disability expert and am still learning and would love others to elaborate/correct me <3

Basics

So first of all, there are multiple forms of anencephaly. The one I was taught mostly in school (keep in mind I'm not a neuro specialist or a doctor) is the most common type, which is when the entire brain does not form. These babies are often born dead.

Personally I don't know of any cases of any form of anencephaly that have survived more than a few hours post-birth. In no case of anencephaly is it survivable in real life. They all are born dead, or die within the first day of life. Even the "less severe" (as in, some of the brain forms lol) types.

However, since we're talking about magic-y sci-fi brain implants...

How To "Treat" Anencephaly (theoretically)

The reason why I'm struggling to think of how (even with sci-fi magic) this would be treated is because anencephaly occurs super early in pregnancy. I'm talking before you know you're pregnant early. (If you want to learn more about this you can google neural tube and see how it's formed very early on in pregnancy and what it entails.)

To me, in a sci-fi world, the most plausible way to treat anencephaly and make it a survivable condition would be to catch it during the neural tube formation (which is the first 1-4 weeks after conception) and preventing anencephaly - or at least reducing the effects.

However, even then, I find it extremely unlikely that it would work, or if did work, it would "cure" it so to speak and then you wouldn't need the implants/treatment post-birth.

Somewhat Plausible Sci-fi Treatments

What might be interesting to explore is this: maybe in your fancy sci-fi world, they have a way to test pregnancies in the first 2-4 weeks and knew the baby was developing anencephaly. Then maybe there is a New Fancy Research Treatment that they try out, something that could be injected into the womb or bloodstream to reverse the neural tube malformation.

But, maybe with your character, it almost works, but doesn't. This leaves them with almost a full brain and skull, but with one section that never developed around the anterior parietal area. This would lead to the motor deficits you describe.

So, essentially, what I've done here is I've taken sci-fi medicine and made it so your world can attempt to treat anencephaly and reduce the deficits to be something more aligning with real-life cerebral palsy (CP).

PLEASE KEEP IN MIND NONE OF THIS IS EVEN REMOTELY POSSIBLE LMAO

Note: Another option is that the baby has a "less severe" type of anencephaly (aka, they live for a few hours post-birth, so enough time to be left in a trash can) and the cyborg finds them - but that would require not just an implant, but literally an entirely cyborg brain and skull. To me this is a bit too far of a stretch to be real even in sci-fi, and I would not consider this character to be human if they do not have a human brain, they would essentially be AI with an organic body. So I'll be answering this question following the above plan of a treatment that was ineffective at curing anencephaly, essentially turning it into an alt-CP. Another note: Cyborg from DC comics is a situation where he has a half-cyborg brain and skull, so it's not totally out of the realm of possibility to do it that way, however that character was a Normal Human who lost part of the brain in an injury, and tbh he has 0 deficits after becoming Cyborg and wouldn't necessarily recommend that if you want to discuss disability in your work. Or if you want any semblance of realism at all (which DC comics does not lol)

Speech & Brain Development

There is one more thing I want to address because, while I definitely can see motor deficits happening from this fictional form of "survivable anencephaly", language and speech is a bit more complicated (and this is literally my area of specialty in my day job).

Now I don't know when you say "loses the ability to speak/motor control" in your ask, if you mean literally the character loses the ability to move their mouth - which is realistic - or if they lose language, which is not as realistic.

If you are born with a brain that has a piece missing, your brain can adapt. (If you want more info, google neural plasticity.)

So if the person lived their life with this chunk of brain missing, yeah they will definitely have deficits, but as they grow, as their brain develops throughout childhood and adulthood, they will likely be able to adapt and their brain can literally wire itself differently than other brains to accommodate as best it can.

This means that the brain will find a way to acquire language, even if the "language centers" of the brain are damaged or not fully formed. It might not be the best ever, there might be language delay, learning disability, adhd, etc. But they will be able to understand language and - if they have the motor capability - to speak.

Cool Side Story: in my neuro class in grad school, we learned about a teenager who had a fast-growing brain cancer that was taking over half of her brain. But she didn't start to have deficits until it was a HUGE and the ended up surgically removing the entire left hemisphere. This is where language is, along with many functions. However, post-surgery, she had almost no deficits. You may be asking, rightfully so: WTF HOW? Because the brain knew it was being attacked, and had spent the past year while it was being eaten away rewiring itself so that all/most of her functions were now working in the right hemisphere. The brain is amazing and there is SO MUCH we don't know. Obviously this is a rare case, but it's still wild that even one brain can do this.

Now, this case is specifically just the brain, but we're not talking about the skull which would also be impacted for your character. I don't want you to think "oh so this character wouldn't even need an implant?" because 1) there definitely would be deficits and 2) you can't just... not have a chunk of skull and have your brain open to air/scalp/damage.

In terms of the motor deficits you would likely see with this "survivable anencephaly" I would say look at resources regarding cerebral palsy (and to a lesser extent, maybe muscular dystrophy?), and see the kinds of life-long impacts and motor deficits they experience. There are some people with CP who will never be able to walk, there are some who can walk but not speak, there are some you can speak but they drool and their speech is slurred, I even worked with a kid with CP whose only deficit was that his soft palate didn't work so food would go up his nose and his speech sounded nasal -- each person is unique, and there will be some physical limitations that are permanent despite neuroplasticity.

This doesn't mean they can't make progress or learn or adapt in some ways, but essentially I just want to clarify: the deficits are motor. This means the person's language and intelligence is normal, but their motor control - their ability to move their bodies - is essentially disconnected, like a faulty wire. Even if your character had an implant and that implant broke or was taken out, their language and intelligence should be intact. (I say this because it's a common misconception that people with CP are intellectually disabled. This can be true, but it is not always true or even mostly true.)

All that to say: how would a sci-fi implant impact all this? What about disability?

So, you say Baby was picked out the trash by a cyborg surgeon. They would find a baby with part of their head sunken in with a chunk of skull and brain missing. It's definitely plausible that said cyborg would want to save Baby and give them a brain implant.

As someone who does not have CP (or any physical disability) I don't really feel it's my place to say what direction to take here, and how much the implant would "treat/fix" motor deficits caused by a missing brain chunk. At this point, we're talking about something so beyond the realm of real life that there's no way to know what an implant would do for brain damage. This is something we haven't even begun to discuss or research in real life medicine.

Side note: the closest equivalent I cant think of this is cochlear implants. These are implants that are fully inside the head (well, the cochlea specifically) and uses magnets to put an outside piece against the head, which then allows it to work. THESE DO NOT "FIX" SOMEONE'S HEARING. It does not sound like natural sound the way a functioning human ear would hear it. It sounds robotic and mechanical, you probably won't be able to tell the difference between people's voices, or whether what you're hearing is a violin or a cello or guitar. You might not hear someone sneaking up on you, or you might hear water dripping from a faucet and have no idea what that sound is or where it's coming from. These people are still deaf. They still depend on other supports outside of the implant in order to function in a hearing word.

I think you should take this into account when thinking about how this implant will help the character. Maybe the implant can "fix" some motor deficits, but not all of them. Maybe it lets them walk, but with unsteady gait. Maybe it lets them walk and move their arms but their speech is always slurred. Maybe the have shitty grip. Maybe it gives them gross motor but not fine motor skills. Maybe it glitches. Maybe it uses a lot of energy and overheats, or needs to be recharged. Maybe, because of these limitations, this character needs to have canes, walkers, wheelchairs and other supports on hand at any time in case the implant malfunctions, overheats, gets damaged, or needs to be recharged. Maybe the implant does "fix" everything and they seem ~normal~ to an onlooker.

I know there are multiple ways of thinking about sci-fi medicine treating disabilities, and I am limited experience in this area. However I would say: even if the person's motor skills are fully intact with the implant in, it is important to make sure that their disability is discussed and that this does not erase the disability.

I like the idea of exploring how someone who is dependent on a sci-fi implant to then have a different outlook/perspective on how to approach violence or war. Personally I love to see how those who are othered by society and have disabilities navigate fantasy worlds and how they approach violence and problems differently than their privileged and abled counterparts.

As the writer, it will be up to you to do the work, engage with the disability community, do research, and decide all these factors for yourself.

Thanks for the ask, I'm always happy to discuss medicine in fantasy!! Hope this was helpful <3

~ MJ

( tagging a few pals who might find this interesting or have something to contribute! @mr-writes @isabellebissonrouthier @moondust-bard @radley-writes )

[sepublic]

            And you know… Thinking of the parallels between Lloyd and the Queen of Tears’ child, that does raise the potential theme: What would you do for your child? In the end, are we not all doing it for the future, so isn’t it justified to sacrifice all of the present for it? That’s the extreme takeaway/evolution of this logic, of course.

         So with what I mention about the Escapees choosing to project similarities onto Lloyd and this kid, as well as with the rest of his family, the Wayvrens –both parties in one, basically- I have to consider the Queen of Tears, in relation to the Wayvrens. Trexdis ultimately chooses to defy the Escapees and their cycle of pain by not punishing the child to prove a point to their parent…

         Maybe the reason why the Escapees include Lloyd in their To-Kill list is because the Wayvrens, like the Queen of Tears, did this for the sake of their kid; They did it for Lloyd, to grow up in a better world, and openly cite and admit this fact. So how fitting would it be, that Midas’ group chooses to punish Lloyd because his parents did all this to them, for HIS sake; And Trexdis decides the opposite with the Queen of Tears’ child, because the kid never chose this and had no agency.

         Obviously, what Midas and co. are doing is objectively terrible. I’m gonna laugh at their expense when, despite all they do to defy their fate and imprisonment and subjugation, inevitably get caught in it anyway, having done nothing to actually prevent it in targeting the wrong person. Again, it’s just an explanation, but it’ll never be a justification.

         Because realistically, even if the Wayvrens did go out of their way to openly explain how each Escapee needs to be ‘dealt with’ so the children of the future, especially their own, are safe… It’s still ridiculous to target the kid for that.

         Hmm. Maybe I could inject some topical discussion here; The whole ‘Think of the children’ sentiment is one that has been used for good, but it’s also been used by many conservatives and right-wing politicians to demonize those they see as deviant, an insincere justification; In other words, people like the Escapees would totally see the rhetoric that way, based on their own experience.

         Obviously the adults themselves are the targets, not the kids, never the kids, even if you go with the idea that you don’t want to prove those adults right, self-fulfilling prophecy or not. This sentiment about the young generation is something that can be so redemptive, enticing people to change for the better and mature… Or it can be used cruelly, and not even in a genuine way. And maybe there’s a mix, where some people ARE well-intentioned, but desperate and scared, and they ultimately react out of needless paranoia.

         What will adults do for the kids? Expect the kids to do something for them, mold them that way, as Arkley does? Or give everything to them, like the Queen of Tears? Can’t you do that, and still be mindful of others, as Trexdis tries her damnedest to? Don’t you want to make the world a better place, or will you raze it and leave the consequences for future generations to handle? Will you exploit this potential, or let it be whatever it chooses? Do you think of the kids to change things, or maintain them?

        …Anyhow, I guess that makes some Escapees the equivalent of. Adults online who get really angry at kids for having politics they disagree with, being a ‘Puriteen’, or needing to be accommodated in some manner lol. Maybe not exactly, but there’s… connections. What’re you having personal beef with a child for, as a grown adult?!

[ashers-transition]

1 Month T Update (January 13, 2023)

Here's my one month update for being on testosterone! (Sorry it's a bit late, life got ahead of me).

So far I have noticed no physical changes, so I will be skipping over those portions instead of just saying "no changes" over and over, and instead I'll just include the changes I have noticed.

Please check my pinned post for more info about me and why I started this blog! CWs: eye contact (in video), discussion of menstruation, discussion of appetite and disordered eating. (If I've missed any content warnings that I should include, please let me know and I will add them in).

Menstrual Cycle

So far I have only gotten my period once since starting testosterone, since this is only my one month update. In my pre T post, I mention that I struggle with chronic pain, and that I get a flare whenever I get my period, with the first day being the worst. I started a new pain medication around three months ago that has lessened those flares enough for me to be functional during them.

This month, the first day of my period was absolutely awful. Previously, if I could tell that I was about to get my period I would take some as-needed pain meds the night before to help lessen the flare, but with my new daily pain meds helping so much I stopped doing that for my more recent periods and had been fine so far.

This time, the flare was so bad that I once again was not able to function. My cramps and overall pain were so bad I could barely move, and I honestly felt like crying. I also almost passed out at one point while sitting down (my POTS is decently mild, so this is not normal for me).

I am unable to say whether this is due to the testosterone, or if it's just that my fibromyaligia and POTS decided to flare around the same time I got my period by coincidence. I'm hoping this won't be a trend, cause holy shit that sucked.

Acne

I have noticed a slight increase in acne. It hasn't gotten too bad* yet though, it's basically just like the minor breakouts I get whenever my period starts but all the time.

(*note: I fully believe that acne is a neutral feature and is not inherently bad. It only becomes an issue if it starts negatively affecting you; for example, if it becomes painful. I personally struggle with BFRBs, and acne can be a trigger for me).

Appetite

I have noticed a slight increase in my appetite. I still eat around 2-3 meals a day, but I have begun snacking more in between.

Voice

I personally haven't noticed a difference in my voice, though there does seem to be a difference between my pre T video and this one. I think it's more to do with the fact that I just naturally have a fluctuation pitch depending on how much energy I have to put into trying to lower my voice. I also have not had anyone else notice a change in my voice, including both those that I have told I'm going on T and those I haven't.

[Video description: A waist high video of Asher talking to the camera. End video description.]

[Video transcript: "Hi, my name is Asher, and this is my voice one month on T."]

Other

I mentioned previously that I was going to start taking testosterone gel, due to my BPD and ADHD making me worried about mood swings and forgetting a weekly shot. I still think this would be my ideal method of taking T, however I did end up having a mild reaction to the gel. The pictures are difficult to see, but the gel was very very drying. I knew this could be an issue because the gel is alcohol based, but it was so drying for me that the skin in the area became super rough and even started flaking. (Image one)

The are also gets red and itchy after application, and sometimes it even feels like it's burning a little. (Image two)

Due to this, I will be switching over to taking testosterone through injections, starting at the three month mark. (I paid good money for the gel so I'm going to use it all before switching lol. In the meantime I will be rotating the application area more than I have been).

[robinsnest2111]

hi :) i had the same "favourite person" issues when i was a teen and young adult, very horrbily and intense. almost exactly how you described it, but i did not distance myself and instead got super clingy, weird, and borderline abusive with it. :(

i don't have bpd but had some symptoms of it (especially what you described as well). once i realized how destructive my behaviour was i was able to somewhat proactively work on it (even without therapy). it took me years and help, but with trial and error, a lot of reflecting, more stable friendships and more than just 1 person around me to focus on i practically never had an issue with it again.

just sharing my experience to show support!! ofc only therapy might be able to tell if you have bpd, but you seemed worried about it because of that symptom and i can tell you that it can occur without having bpd.

sending lots of love and positive thoughts your way!

(also, on another note: with the body symptoms you keep having maybe consider getting tested for fibromyalgia once you're in a better place :( a trans friend of mine with a seemingly similar family history has very similar issues. he is in his mid 30s now and finally found out what it was not too long ago after decades of no/false diagnoses. he's in treatment now and he's feeling better. not perfect but better. there are meds that can help with it. sorry if this is overstepping, it's just a thought i was having)

thank you for your message, anon <3

this one got a bit long so it's under the read more

Good to know what I describe can also occur outside of having bpd, so I feel good sticking to my "it could be literally any mental illness/disorder because there's so much overlap across the board so don't get fixated on that one thing" mindset. trying hard to train myself out of the bad habit of black and white/all or nothing thinking I've had since birth lol tho I'll tentatively keep bpd on my list of possibilities if I should ever get into treatment/get officially tested/diagnosed

yeah so. the physical health issues are just a mystery to me, and I've kinda given up at this point. been to soooo many doctors and specialists over the span of 3 years and every single one has done every possible test, all came back fine.

no elevated inflammation levels, no deficiencies aside from a short unexplained period of super low b12 (and some other b vitamins) and d3 levels but i got injections for that and it's okay now, nothing wrong with my thyroid, all my organs are fine, joints are fine (aside from the knee that took the brunt of me being morbidly obese in my childhood/teen years), literally no physical indication of anything wrong.

so I don't think it's fibromyalgia. I tried hinting to every doctor I've seen so far that it could be one of the many "rare illnesses", even tried to get a referral to a special programme for diagnosing them, but all of the doctors were 120% sure it's all just psychosomatic in my case and I just need to reduce stress but also keep busy to block out the pain/fatigue.

so idk, now I'm just trying to schlepp myself through life, barely managing to keep down a part time job (because I grew tired of the job center hounding me each month because "hey, you're a young healthy adult why aren't you working 🤨"), act like a normal person pretending I'm not in varying levels of pain or feeling constant fatigue 24/7. I honestly don't know how some of my coworkers manage to work a full-time job and do the movie theater stuff as a fun little side gig on top! I'm always drained after a shift and I'm glad it's only part time. if I had to come in 6 days in a row each week for the whole year I'd collapse after 2 weeks max.

and don't worry about overstepping, I think I've said it before but with how often I lament the state of my mental and physical health on here in excruciating detail, it's fair game to discuss these things <3