#He also is now terrified of leaving because the thing keeping her stable is the high ecto in the enclosure

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 338

So the GIW is the Ghost Investigation Ward and not the Ghost Extermination Ward, yes? Hear me out, hm? 

See, it’s really hard to study ecto-entities when they’re going all over in and out of the world. Really hard! And of course they aren’t like, sentient, studies for years before the boom in this one town showed this! But, the overgrown not-birds (they’re still debating that) are really hard to watch doing their natural thing when they naturally mimic people around them! 

So! They got this idea, right? Their operatives can capture some! They’ve even made enclosures based off of what they currently know! It’s like containing crows, down to the mimicry & puzzle solving just er, with opposable thumbs and intangibility. 

And they don’t succeed first tries of course (Wow were said operatives frustrated and maybe cursing a bit that might be a bit violently) but then they get some assistance from the Fentons! Trying to hit an ecto-entities’ wings in a way to not permanently injure them is hard, but the new net canons that a ghost can’t pass through? Perfect! 

They have so many specimens now! They even released a few that were very much uncontainable- they rely on technology a bit and that entity kept unlocking all the doors. So catch and release with that one it is!  

They even managed to catch the white-haired ghost! In double! Which might not seem that important, but! As they realize during intake & initial examination (wow are they bitey) the two appear to be young! Something their ectobiologists only theorized about but oh are they excited! (Now if only the two would stop trying to escape their enclosure that’d be swell! Look, toys! Foo- oh dear God that baby ecto-entity is melting- Oh few, okay note taken to raise ambient ecto levels in that room dear god that was horrifying and stressful. … Maybe get some feelers out for feeding unstable energy entities…) 

[pacifymebby]

Arthur and a walk with the reader and their child. Maybe they're walking around their garden. Or Arthur tells the baby the names of the horses in the stable.

Fatherhood hadn't exactly come naturally to Arthur. He'd always been scared of having children, scared he was going to be like his own dad - flighty and unreliable - scared he was going to pass on the dreaded Shelby curse. Worse still, scared he'd end up raising a son just as violent, just as angry, pained and fragile as he viewed himself.

But when you'd fallen pregnant the first time he'd seen the tears of joy in your eyes and felt them mirrored in his. Sure, the fear hadn't dissipated and he was convinced he'd always be scared shitless of the wee one - not that he'd ever tell you that - but the second he had laid eyes on her that fear was dulled somewhat by a sense of great purpose. A sense of purpose which had overwhelmed him completely when he'd held your little girl in his arms for the first time, her head small enough it fit in the palm of his hand, her little body so tiny he could hold her like that, head in palm, little feet resting on his forearm as he bounced her gently to sleep.

He'd looked down at your little girl and known that no matter what he felt, no matter how bleak the world around him felt, he would always keep persevering for you and her. He'd do anything to make her life peaceful and full of joy. She was like a little ray of sunshine cut through all the bad, a diamond in the rough. He couldn't stop smiling and even now, a year later, he couldn't help but grin whenever he laid eyes on his little one.

Still, he often found himself at a loss to do. It wasn't that he was scared of her as such, it was that he couldn't quite relax when he was near her. Her big eyes looking at him expectantly. The knowledge that she relied on him completely, to look after her, to keep her safe... It was scary, it made him nervous. Meant that more often than not a lot of the time he spent with her was also spent with you because he knew that you wouldn't let anything go wrong. You would be there to sooth her if he was too rough or clumsy when he was holding her. He was terrified of making her cry, scared even just to think that he might, that if she did he wouldn't be able to help her, would only make things worse.

Today however was different. For the first time since the little girl had been born you'd left him alone with her. He'd been stunned when you'd told him that morning that you had to go out into the city for the day and wouldn't be able to take the baby with you. He'd stuttered and fumbled his words trying to ask you why not, all "but... How long are you gonna be gone for what should I do if.. If..."

"If what Arth? You'll be fine," you'd said with a smille shaking your head fondly. The truth was you could have taken the baby with you, the three of you could all have gone into town together but that wasn't what you wanted. What you wanted was for Arthur to realise he was a good dad, a capable father. For him to realise that his little girl thought the sun shone out of her daddy, just the same as he thought that of her. You'd noticed Arthurs apparent awkwardness from day one and you knew he'd always been worried about fatherhood.

You'd hoped that he'd settle into the role eventually, that he'd realise he really didn't have anything to fear... But as time had passed and you realised he still looked a little on edge just holding the little darling, you realised that you were going to have to intervene. Perhaps pushing him into the deep end wasn't the best idea, but you didn't know what else to do.

You'd already tried gently pulling back, leaving them to play together in the next room, leaving him to read to her, asking him to walk her round the garden when she couldn't sleep. Arthur always managed to stay close to you, to fall back on you. It wasn't exactly bad but you knew it couldn't be a good thing either. Besides, you wanted your daughter to love her father, to grow up trusting him, seeing the good in him. You didnt want her to feel he was distant or awkward. That would be just too sad.

So you'd left him alone, closed the front door and hurried off into the city to spend the day with your friends shopping. And now there he was, sitting at the kitchen table, your little girl Lily sitting on the table, one hand in a bowl of mashed banana the other in her mouth.

"Sposed to eat the food darlin how many times av i told you eh, foods for eatin not paintin..." chuckled Arthur, his low grumble broken by his smile. Lily really was a daddy's girl and he couldn't get mad at her for anything, even when she'd smeared herself, him and the table with banana and honey gloop.

"Right, alright," he smiled tickling her belly through her dress as he reached to pick her up, "you've had your fun with that now i reckon, time to get you cleaned up an then you an daddy have the whole day to do whatever we like, how does that sound darlin? How about that eh?" he said kissing her on the head, using his thumb to scoop a little of the banana from her cheek. When he licked his fingers he screwed his nose up.

"No alright I don't blame you littlen, thas no good for owt but paintin with..." He mused as he scooped her up in his arms and kissed her cheek which only meant that they were both covered in banana and honey gloop.

But once he was holding her in his arms he was once again at a loss, uncertain how he should even speak to her. He'd heard it was good to talk to babies as though they were adults because it helped them learn how to have intelligent conversations, but he wasn't sure he would be much use there. He couldn't remember having ever had the kind of conversation others might consider intellectual.

Besides he wasn't half as gentle talking to adults as he was with Lily. Didn't seem right for him to start talking to her the way he talked to his brothers, nor did it seem right for him to talk to her the way he spoke to you. So he stood in the kitchen doorway looking out at the chickens pecking at the dirt on the drive and he bounced Lily in his arms until she giggled and clasped her little hand around the hairs in his beard.

He grinned, the sound of her laugh was ever so contagious and never failed to make him smile.

"Right well, how about a nice little walk round the garden eh, suns out and I can introduce you to all the animals round the farm eh? What dya reckon sunshine would you like that?" He asked her looking down at her with all the love in the world. She was so pure and precious and that was exactly why he got so nervous to be with her, just seeing the joy and innocence in her bright doe eyes made his stomach twist with anxiety at the thought that he wasn't good enough for her. That he could never be the kind of dad she deserved because he wasn't a good enough man.

But when she smiled up at him and reached for his face with her tiny hand, her stubby little fingers skimming his beard as she giggled and said "dada dada," one of the only words she could he found his nerves replaced with a swell of pride and a smile he couldn't shake off.

"Alright then sunshine," he said with a grin, bouncing her in his arms as he carried her out of the kitchen door and into the garden, the stoned beneath his feet crunching as he made his way to the gathering of chickens on the driveway. He'd fed them earlier that morning but he still had some dried corn in his pockets and he was hoping Lily would enjoy scattering a handful or two across the garden.

"Right then sweetheart," he said using his finger to uncurl the little toddlers hand, "here we are you take some of this shite... Fu.. I mean... Sorry darlin eh, you just ignore your daddy he's a very naughty man eh, you just feed the chickens an ignore him eh..." he grinned sheepishly as he did his best to fill her tiny hand with dried corn. She scrunched her fist up tight around and smiled flexing her fingers a little too soon so that when the feed fell from her hand it fell all down Arthur's shirt and got stuck on his trouser legs.

"You little rotter," he chuckled kissing her forehead as he boosted her up in his arms and helped her have another go. His dismay only setting in when one of the chickens began pecking at his ankles to pick at the feed little Lilly had dropped all over him. "Oh bloody... Go'wan get away!" He grumbled at the hen who seemed determined to peck right through his trouser leg. As he shook the troublesome bird off his ankle Lilly looked down at the silly little scene from her Daddy's arms, her eyes lit up as a giggle escaped her. And when Arthur looked down at her well there was no way he could remain frustrated or preoccupied with that damn chicken.

He couldn't do anything but smile when he looked down at little Lilly, couldn't do anything but beam down at her and press another kiss to her bonny head, heart full to bursting with pride every time she smiled.

"Right darlin right let daddy show you this time eh, let's do it together..." he said taking her little hand beneath his and guiding her as she threw the seed across the path. This time it really scattered and the two of them grinned down at their success as the chickens gathered and began eating the feed from the ground rather than from Arthur's leg. "That's better there we go that's fu... That's better."

Not swearing in front of Lily was perhaps the hardest part of fatherhood. It was the only thing you'd notice he hadn't quite taken so naturally too. Even if he couldn't see it himself, in every other element of fatherhood he was perfect. He was loving, a little clumsy but gentle and nurturing always. He made your little girl laugh like nobodys business. He was always worrying about her, always the first to rush to her side if she took a trip or bashed her head... He was perfect. But he just couldn't control that potty mouth of his. The bad words just had a way of slipping out and you were beginning to worry that when Lilly finally managed her first word that first word would be "fuck."

"Right then little miss sunshine," he grinned bouncing her in his arms, unable to hold back his fond chuckle when Lilly began giggling at his jostling movement, "let's introduce you to everyone eh... This beautys name is Eloise, she's pretty for a chicken ain't she, what dya reckon my darlin? Prettiest chicken you've ever seen right, beautiful, gorgeous bird... And this... This is Audrey... She's a bit, she's a bit stuck up if you ask me like, look at her see, strutting around like she owns the place... And this, this little rotter of a bird, her name's Helen and she's got one bloody... She's got one very sharp f.. beak on her, aye one very sharp beak.."

Lilly tried to reach down to the chickens, stretching her tiny body away from Arthur's and though she was only small, for a second she almost managed to tip their shared balance so that Arthur stumbled and almost - thankfully only almost - stepped on the smallest chicken. That was your chicken, one you'd found shrinking away, not doing as well as the other chicks in the brood. You'd insisted upon bringing her into the house to look after yourself, insisted on naming her too which Arthur had tried to encourage you against. It wasn't that he was cruel he just didn't want you to get attached to a chick that might not survive. But she had survived and now she lived out in the garden with the others.

"Ahh," chuckled Arthur thinking of you fondly, wishing you were there with him and Lilly. "You've found your mammy's hen little one, her names Pearl..." He said crouching down so that Lilly could get a closer look, being sure to hold her up and away from the hens who were prone to a curious peck or two.

Lilly watched them with wide curious eyes, her little smile breaking into a giggle as she watched the birds funny little walk, the way they jutted their necks with each step.

She flinched when Helen and Audrey began clucking a little too wildly for her baby ears and Arthur decided that perhaps it was time to head to the stables instead. It would be quieter inside the stable and the horses were gentle beasts Lilly would be able to pat and babble at to her heart's content.

"Alright little poppet," smiled Arthur kissing his little girls cheek again, his mustache tickling her cheek and neck so that her giggle rang out melodically around the garden. That sound was music to Arthur's ears. It was the sound which reassured him he wasn't such a bad man after all. That if nothing else, he would always know that there was one person on this earth he could make smile. And she just so happened to be the most important person on this earth too.

The stable was quiet just as he'd hoped and where the sun broke through the scattered cracks in the roof the afternoons warm light filtered in and graced the hay on the floor with a golden glow.

"Alright," he whispered, his beard tickling Lilly's face as he leant in to talk quietly in her ear. He always tried to be quiet when he came to the stables. It was such a gentle, peaceful little place and he liked to preserve it. Keep it soft, a sanctuary not just for the animals but for him. "Alright," he whispered, "there's someone who wants to meet you little one..." he said carrying Lilly to one of the stall where the newest addition to the family was standing on shakey little legs.

"But we've got to be nice a quiet eh my darlin, cause he's only a baby int he, just like you... So he might be shy..." he put his finger over Lilly's lips and shushed, grinned when he felt her blow a hissed "Shhhh" of her own against his hand. When he carried her over to meet the little foal he was struck by how similar they were, considering one was after all a baby horse and the other a baby girl.

But they were. They were both so delicate. So pure. These tiny, vulnerable little creatures who depended on him in their own way. Two sweet little lives to be nurtured and loved. Two tiny things he had to be gentle with.

He wasn't sure how he was going to manage that but he knew that since Lilly had been born he'd learnt a lot about being gentle. That slowly but surely he was learning tenderness too.

"Ain't she beautiful eh Lilly?" He whispered. It wasn't the first time he'd seen the little foal but as Lilly gazed at the timid creature in awe Arthur felt the softness in his own eyes. The melting of his cold heart. "Wanna say hello littlen?" He asked taking an apple from his pocket to settle the foals nerves.

"Hello lovely," he said holding the apple out and watching as the foal eyed them warily. He was still working on trust with this one, something Tommy had always been better at than him. Still he was determined to show the little creature his gentle side, prove that he could trust him. Not just for the foals sake but for his own sake too. Prove to himself that he could be gentle too.

And so when the foal approached him, his little legs shaking, Arthur couldn't hide the grin, couldn't hide the swell of pride which rose to his chest and then got stuck in his throat when little Lilly reached her hand out to stroke the foals soft hair.

"Careful now sweetie pie," he whispered to Lilly, "nice and gentle eh don't wanna spook him..." but the foal was far from spooked. In fact he seemed to warm to Lilly, standing patient and still whilst she stroked his nose with a smile on her lips.

"Tell you what darlin," smiled Arthur, it had been his plan from the very beginning but he presented it to her now as though he'd only just thought it up, "since you two're gettin along so well eh, why don't you come up with a name for him? Hasn't got one yet have you mate?" He said copying his daughters gentle movements and giving the little foal a pat.

But when Lilly looked up at him and smiled, clapped her little hands together with this big beaming grin on her face, her wide eyes bright with mischief, Arthur realised that perhaps it was a little too soon to offer her that kind of responsibility.

"Hmmm," he chuckled as he stood quietly, letting Lilly continue to pet her new best friend. He wasn't expecting her to be the one to break the silence. Certainly not in the way that she did... With a word she'd not yet said before.

"Da..." she said reaching out to stroke the foals nose again, "Dada!" When she said it Arthur couldn't quite believe his ears. Wasn't sure he hadn't just imagined it. But when he looked down at Lilly his smile already too much to be contained, she turned to look up at him and pointed at the foal, her own eyes bright and smiling too.

"Dada!" She said again pointing at the little foal, waving her hands to get Arthur's attention - though she had his undivided attention in that moment. He was stunned by her, could hardly process the emotions he felt. Struggling to keep the tears out of his eyes.

"No sweetheart," he grinned kissing her head and turning her round to face him, "that's me.. I'm Dada!" He chuckled, laughing louder when she pointed once more to the foal and repeated herself over and over again until he was forced to accept that when you came home and asked about his day he would have no choice but to tell you all about it. How lovely it was. How Lilly enjoyed meeting the little foal... "He's called Dada by the way..."

Taglist:

@call-sign-shark

@inalovesrabbits-blog

@cocoaflowers

@zablife

@jomarch-wannabe

@itsghostgirlyo

@marwwfairy

@toddlerbodybag

@everysage

@tommyshelbywhore

@kas3ylovesyou

@kxnnxy

@starrykitn

@only-malala

@galactict3a

[fishhawish]

Can I have a yandere Miss Circle and Mr Demi x Fem reader?

I seriously have like 5 almost finished requests and the writing block hit me so hard because the only thing I wanna write about is FPE rn

Anyways

Remember that it is not okay to act like this in real life and if you do feel this way I'd advise you to get professional help.

Miss Circle❤️

• She's already murderous as is. Now she's obsessed with her co-worker and murderous? That's wonderful.

• She wouldn't dare let You catch her harming a student for a failing grade. She needs to always look innocent in front of you.

• She always tries to eat lunch with you if possible, and she packs some of the weirdest lunches too.

• She gets upset when you call her demon horns a cat ears, but she doesn't show it and just giggles.

• Her confidence can get overwhelming, she'll leave notes for you on your door asking for a date with something like "You're pretty >:3" and stuff.

• Occasionally she tries to pack you lunches but her own lunches are questionable so sometimes you have to pretend to like it.

• She can canonically change her height at any time and usually remains at 9'7, but she's used her ability to change in order to spy on you.

• She probably has atleast one picture of you guys together from a teacher meeting or something

Confession

You turn around to see someone approach you in the teachers lounge while you're getting water. "Hello there, I was questioning about something." She says confidently. However after getting to know her, you could see she was slightly nervous. "Yes miss circle?" You look at her smiling politely. The faint blush creeping onto her face as she tells you how much she admires you and that she adores you. "I've never felt such emotions. I never thought I'd say this to someone like you, but will You go out with me?"

Acceptance

You look at her smiling, heart feeling like it's going to burst out of your chest at any moment. "Yes, I will." You say to her somewhat flustered. The 9'7 demon lady giggling in excitement, happy beyond what words could ever explain. "Let's meet up tonight at 7pm after school" she said before running out of the teachers lounge with her inhumane speed. Later that night she meets you at your house, dressed neatly for the occasion. The simple yet beautiful picnic in the sunset was definitely something she'd always remember forever.

Rejection

"I'm sorry Miss Circle, I don't reciprocate." You said looking away from her. She silently walks out of the room with no hint of any emotion or expression she's feeling right now. When you went home at night you couldn't help but feel like you where being followed. She picks you up from behind, using her compass to keep you stable off of the ground sandwiched between her and her arm. With her other hand she drugs you to sleep. You never had a choice anyway.

★

Mister Demi💚

• So shy when he met you, he tried to hide away to the library. Unfortunately for him you where in front of the teacher lounge exit so he had no escape.

• Fell for You when he watched how caring and compassionate You are with the students. He's seen what some other teachers do and he's not fond of it..

• Wrote a whole song for You on the piano but won't ever show you. He's to scared that you might dislike it or be uninterested.

• He doesn't know what he's feeling and so he panics, like, a lot. He talks to Miss Sasha about it and she tries her best to explain to him that he's having a crush but it just makes him panic more.

• A crush soon turns into infatuation and he's too deep in. He starts panicking immediately noticing that this isn't healthy. He's seen normal couples and none of them act the way he wants to act.

• Also cries to Miss Sasha about the unhealthy infatuation but she's ends up more concerned about his mental over his feelings.

• Gets urged by Miss Sasha to seek professional help so he gets therapy (which he's terrified about) but the feelings don't stop.

• Literally acts like a fan girl after you talk to him or even breathe the same air as him.

Confession

Miss Sasha walking up to you during lunch with second hand embarrassment, note neatly tucked away into the pocket of her shorts. She politely starts up some small talk with you before getting to the point. "Sorry to bother you but, Mister Demi has feelings for you. He sent me over with a note to give to you." She smiles at you handing over the note. The note says "I really like being around you, you're so pretty. Please like me back. I'm sorry"

Acceptance

"Miss Sasha, please tell him I feel the same." You say to her giggling. She's so excited to watch your and his new relationship blossom. Sasha does however tell you about the obsessive behavior and that he is getting professional help for it. Although you are very keen on staying with him to help him though it. She's so proud of both of you, and herself for being the amazing wing woman she totally is. She goes back to Mister Demi who's sitting across the lunchroom. When he hears the news he is joyus. But he also slams his head down to the table in embarrassment. He's really shy but gathers enough courage from Sasha cheering him on and you both exchange numbers.

Rejection

"I'm sorry Miss Sasha, I don't believe I know Mister Demi well enough to form an opinion or feelings." She smiles and nods understandingly. However she whispers to you about the obsessive behavior and warns you about it. You're absolutely shocked. Glancing over to him immediately feeling uncomfortable. Sasha returning to Mister Demi with the news and handing him back the note. His whole world falls apart in front of everyone. He can't handle rejection well. He goes into a depressive and desperate state. Changing everything about him so that you'll love him. Eventually you don't even recognize him anymore until you realized how shy he is.

[lazyneonrabbitt]

Anyway I can request a Lip/Reader/Carmy imagine about the reader being pregnant (and of course the guys don’t care who’s baby it is because they’re all in a relationship together so they’re in this together regardless of who’s it is) and the guys helping her through a really complicated pregnancy?

Okay this one got LONG. I'm absolitely terrified of getting pregnant so there's a whole lot of anxiety in this one.

CW: unplanned pregnancy and all its horrors, anxiety and medication, mentions of childbirth and c-sections.

The second you saw those two lines appear you spiraled. Both of the boys being at work leff enough room in the quiet appartment for your mind to start screaming at you.

Who's was it? Would you have to get it checked? Before or after the baby was born? Should you even keep it? You didn't plan this. What if they fought over who was the father?would either of them leave if they learned the baby was the other's?

You went to bed, not caring about anything you were supposed to do that day. You only wanted sleep. You eventually passed out after crying for god knows how long.

Your boys were going on a grocery run after work so they came home together, both carrying bags inside, only to be welcomed by the sound of the TV and half eaten breakfast on the coffee table. You were nowhere to be seen but your shoes and bag were at the door so you had to be home.

It was Lip's years of living with his family that set off his instincts to go find you ASAP. "Go put the freezer stuff away. I'll go see if I can find her." Carmen agreed and took the extra bags to put the frozen goods away quickly while Lip went straight for the shower, checking the tub, shower cabin and around the corner at the toilet. No sight of you so he moved to the guest bedroom where you would often be digfing through old items, sorting them out and organizing to keep your mind busy, mayne you had just forgotten the time. But you weren't there either so he almost ran into the bedroom where you were curled up underneath messy blankets. Your phone on the floor with an empty nox of tissues, the contents of which were all over the place.

"Yo Bear. Over here, now." Lip's voice summoned him in an instant, panic clear in his eyes as he stared at Lip for an answer.

They both stepped closer and sat down on either side of the bed. Carmen carefully climbed over to sit closer to you, moving quietly so he wouldn't wake you when his hand landed on something underneath the blankets, pushing them aside to take the item off the bed.

"Oh fuck, Lip.." He held up the item for him to see. The oh so familiar white stick in the other's hand spiked all kinds of emotions, snatching the thing to take a closer look.

A positive pregnancy test sat between his fingers. He ran a hand down his face with a deep sigh and stood up. "You wake her up, I'm calling the clinic." And with that he turned to walk out the door. "Lip!" Carmen whisper-yelled to get him to stay. "How about we talk to her first before making her decisions, huh?" Carmen waa clearly angry, but he was also right. Lip's past hadn't been too kind when it came to unplanned pregnancies and he wasn't planning to go through that shit again, but you were all adults, in a healthy relationship, with stable jobs and proper income now, so talking was step one now.

Carmen's movement had stirred you awake, blinking the sleep from your eyes and stretching before sitting up and taking in your surroundings. Carmen sat beside you with a hand on your blanket covered leg and Lip stood at the end of the bed with a nervous leg bouncing against the other, brows raised in question and holding something out in his hand. When you realised what it was the panic returned tenfold. Tears flowing freely and your breathing becoming irregular as the questions from earlier haunted your mind again.

"Sweetheart, calm down. We're not mad okay? We just want to talk about it." You were cuddled into Carmen's side, sniffling and wiping your eyes. "He's mad.." you hiccuped as you averted Lip's gaze. Carmen immediately reassured you that he wasn't and keeping his eyes locked on the other boy. Lip got the hint and came over to sit with you, placing the test on your nightstand and laid down to hug you both. "We'll do this together. Whatever you decide to do, we're supporting you."

You stayed like that for a while untill you were all calmed down again and getting hungry.

You collectively decided on ordering in, sat around the coffee table sharing the large order of chinese food. Lip called it comfort food, Carmen said celebratory dinner. Which led to the inevitable conversation to be had.

You shared ebery little concern and anxiety inducing thought with them and so did Lip, opening up to Carmen about his life and the comment he made earlier. Carmen listened to you both and after what felt like years of talking about plans, options, money and anything that would come with having a child you collectively decided to keep it.

Which led the three of you to your first appointment, first ultrasound and many, many nights of you being plagued by nightmares followed by puking up your insides, failing to go back to sleep and lots of anxiety.

Both boys did anything and everything for you, but the stress and constant anxiety the pregnancy was causing you was getting dangerously close to harming the baby's development.

During that first dinner talk you told them that the whole pregnancy thing terrified you but their support had made you feel a lot more comfortable with the idea, despite all the horror stories that had scared you away from even ever letting Lip fuck you without a condom in college even when you were on birth control.

At the hospital you got called into the nurse's room for your next appointment. Today was another ultrasound day, with a checkup on your mental health now that you were given medication to calm your head and supplements to make sure the baby would get all the needed nutrients.

"So, are you the momma's brothers?" The nurse's question came out of nowhere and caught them off guard, not having an answer fast enough so she kept the questions going. "You know we get multiple girls here who don't remember how they got pregnant. There's no shame in not knowing who the father is."

"It's either of us, actually." Carmen shot at the nurse. "We're together, the three of us." Lip pointed between the thee of you.

"So, you would like to get a DNA test done as well then." It was more of a statement than a question, but before she could even type anything into the computer Lip was on her ass already. "We don't want a fucking test, okay. We're here for you to check if our girl and our-" making a grand gesture to point at all three of you. "baby is healthy."

The appointment itself went well but the news that came with it was a whole different story.

All three of you couldn't keep their eyes off the small picture Lip was holding as you sat on the couch. Both boys couldn't help but be even more excited than bafore as you stared in horror at the second blob on the ultrasound that had decided to only now show itself.

You were having twins. The only stupid solution to give both boys a baby without having to get pregnant again at a later time, but also twice the amount of baby to give birth to. The one thing that still haunted your nightmares through the amount of medication you were taking.

With the news of twins you started having small complications. Most of them very common and easy to fix, but for you they all felt like the end of your life, the end of your relationship but neither Lip nor Carmy was letting those demons take over your thoughts. They did everything in their power to keep you content and wouldn't leave you alone for even a second. Their work schedules thrown apart so at least one of them would be home at all times. Every little cramp or concern had one or both of them drive you to your doctor who would mostly tell you your discomforts were normal for someone as far along as you.

The further along you got the more miserable you got, to the point of being unable to keep even the slightest bit of food in your system which led to more hospital trips to get you on liquids in order to keep your strenght up.

Now at eight months you were in bed most of the time, only getting up when needed.

You only had two more weeks before you were due, both Lip and Carmy being home to care for you.

Carmen was making you a simple meal he knew you would be able to handle and Lip busied himself with the final touches in the nursery when, with no warning up front or anything, your water broke as you waddled over to the bathroom.

"Help." The desperate, frantic voice had your boys on you in a second, the tears and the way you wrapped yourself around the door handle with your soaked, crossed legs told them enough. Carmen ran to grab your bag and car keys, making sure he snagged the new pack of smokes from the key bowl as he opened the door for you and Lip.

Luckily the hospital was only a few blocks over and fraffic was nonexistent.

The hospital visit wasn't such a smooth ride. After hours upon hours spent in that bed on god knows how many drugs you were brought in for emergency c-section to prevent any harm to both you and the twins. You cried and begged to just knock you out and take them out of you and to your luck they complied.

When the doctors woke you back up again you were acompanied by your boyfriends, each holding one of your children.

Upon release you made another appointment with your doctor. As soon as you were completely healed you were getting your tubes tied. No more of this. You had your two babies and no more were gonna be born from your body.

[stevie-petey]

hello m i hope you are well. would you believe this was an excellent time for me to read your fic, truly what i needed tonight!! not to get #intoit #toodeep but a blowout fight with my mother puts me right in the headspace to ruminate on childhood and how to carry it inside of you in a way that doesn't hurt.

One thing before i start crying, i love this line so much, "Passenger seat is reserved for girls I’m dating.” passenger princess bug iktr!!!

Steve and bug finally, FINALLY being in a stable place with each other is so beautiful <3. i love them so much. them actually talking about what is happening between them, finally trusting each other enough to be open and vulnerable is tooooo good, espcially since we've seen what it took for them to get here. i am terrified for how this will break down in s4. Steve offering to come back to weathertop when bug is thinking about how she used to come with jon as she's about to lose jon......i love that he's doing that for her and with her <3333. i love that nancy promises bug to take care and keep jon safe. i love that nancy and steve do that for bug and jon. i love that they reassure to be their new person responsible. i also love that weathertop is a special place for both bug and dustin's first loves <3. i love how they keep making places more comfortable for each other. steve making the beatles a beautiful memory again, bug making the flower field into a nice birthday date with her joy about his best birthday gift in the world is really what love is all about. i also really, really loved their conversation about luck and love, and i have a nagging feeling in my mind it will come back in s4 to confront bug as she finally exhales the mountain of grief she is holding onto. i am trying to find the words, because i don't really believe in luck very much, but i do believe in counting your blessings, and the i find the act of counting the blessing of how many people love you, and you get to love back, no matter how it ends in circumstances out of your control, a very brave thing to do. Joyce asking bug to live the life she decides is so special <3. a mother figure who actually knows bug to her core and knows the totality of bug's circumstances and then tells bug that she deserves a happy life is soooooo special and beautiful <33333. i love that joyce gets to be the person who tells her that, especially since joyce herself is so kind despite everything she's been through. i always thought bug would be like joyce when she grew up.

I also really shortly would like to also talk about bug and her guilt. i'm sure this will come up terribly for her in s4, but it really fascinates how much bug takes everything on herself, and i also don't really understand it either, but it does make her very interesting. even taking on the guilt of billy's death when it truly wasn't her fault at all in any way, jesus christ she's like a catholic saint. guilt isn't very logical and i really, truly get that, but i just idk, feel very sad that she feels that way at all, i wish i could talk to her about it.

i also loved this part, "Nancy screams back at you now, insulted that you truly believe she would ever leave her brother behind willingly. She wouldn’t do that. She knows that you know this." st has always been bad at handling the emotional consequences for their characters, but i really wish we got more nancy and mike. they're a complicated relationship because they weren't close before the upside down but obviously they love each other and are siblings, and like bug said, siblings are too strong of a bond to shake off in the worst cases. i wish they got more time in the show to breathe.

Finally i love the way bug's childhood ends softly and not the violent end she was sure of. "Time stands still. You’re seventeen and your childhood is coming to a close." Bug is so lucky to know she's in the good old days when they're happening to her. I don't like jonathan very much, but i appreciate they were kids together. they were almost girls together. having to figure out how to be adults apart is difficult for friends with less complicated histories.

This was a really beautiful story. I hope you know how much richer you make this story, and how much life you breathe into this world.

hi darling <333

passenger seat line ,,, i was DYING to write it for MONTHS !!!! my god it makes me giggle thinking about it. like yes steve pls dub me ur passenger princess <3

you understood the luck and love monologue perfectly. i also really do believe its brave to continue loving everyone and everything around you even in the most grim circumstances. its brave to keep loving even if the love itself has faded. to try again, to be human in doing so, its my favorite thing ever. its why i adore steve n bug so much. theyre trusting one another to love again, to try once more to accept the love theyre scared of. its raw and its tender and its terrifying. loving someone after your first love is i think, personally, the most authentic type of love. its the most vulnerable you will ever be and lowkey why im scared to love again as well.

the joyce and bug scene <333 theyre so special to me. bug really is the daughter joyce never had. she sees so much of herself in bug (and i also 100% picture an older bug just being joyce) and bug loves her like a mother as well. claudia is wonderful, but as you said: she doesnt know what bug has been through like joyce does. all claudia can do is patch up bugs wounds afterwards. its what made the scene so special to me: joyce reads bug so well, shes watched her take care of her boys the whole time shes known her, so for joyce to tell bug that she doesnt blame her ,,, its huge. to be told to live the life you deserve by the woman who you admire heavily is such an impactful thing.

bug and her guilt ,,, whew. youre so right that a lot of her guilt is irrational, thats the whole point. she piles so much on herself (we saw this more in season 2) because she physically cannot help it. its in her bones. she has to help, and in her eyes when her help fails, its her fault regardless of the circumstances. its such a #healthy way to live LMAO (season 4 will ruin her)

JUSTICE FOR THE WHEELERS UR SO RIGHT !!! its always bugged me that we never really see mike and nancy being siblings. nancy wasnt really concerned for mike (who had just lost his best friend mind you) in season 1 until WAY after he had gotten into so much shit. i hate the way the siblings are written, we so rarely get to see them be concerned for one another :(

and finally the goodbye scene. sigh. ive had her in my mind since we started season 2. i love her dearly, and the line with bug saying her and jon were more than just kids will stick with me forever. for some gnarly m lore: my first love and i were childhood best friends. when we broke up and severed all contact (because im insane), it truly did feel like my childhood had come to a close. it was terrifying. there i was, 19 and grieving, and i didnt know how to be someone without my ex. i wanted to portray that fear with jon and bug. when you grow up with someone, when this person knows everything about you, and they suddenly leave, its the most painful and confusing thing. i cannot explain it. but knowing that my childhood lives in my ex boyfriend, the same way his lives in me, even though we havent spoken in almost two years ,,, it haunts me, and yet oddly its comforting.

i was a kid with him. somewhere, a piece of me still is. im still that kid he met when we were 14, and hes still that kid to me, and i think its beautiful :)

[bugflies00]

sally and wilbur are also such an interesting complicated relationship.

they're so so young when they meet and fall in love and have a baby. they're living in this shitty 2 bedroom flat where tommy's practically sleeping in a cupboard and the heating's broken and nothing works, but they don't really care but for different reasons.

for wilbur it's because he's used to not having much, and this life is something he worked so so hard towards that he doesn't care about the quality because for him, being free and having tommy in his custody and being able to earn money is all he's ever dreamed of, because he never felt like he was allowed or there was any point in dreaming better (also because he never thought about living a life for himself outside of tommy because in his mind, if it wasn't for the responsibility to care for him, he would have killed himself long ago; and so there's no point in dreaming things for himself because he doesn't have a life outside being the provider ANYWAYY) .

meanwhile sally, who comes from a much more stable background (both emotionally and financially), is in a headspace where she's much more. romanticising it i want to say? like she's a very wild person, especially at that time where's still really young (19-20), she wants to get out in the world and live with her boyfriend and she doesn't care about living in a shitty flat because it's true love and it's an adventure!

but the thing is, when things start actually getting serious, when she gets pregnant, she gets scared.

because the reason she was okay with that life is because she liked the freedom of it, the whole "living on the edge"; and having a baby is expectations and responsibility and being tied down. she considers not keeping the baby, but then she tells herself she'll be fine with it, that she loves wilbur and he's clearly over the moon at the news, and she doesn't want to disappoint him and she'll probably end up fine (obviously she's very young hence why she makes that choice but i just want to note wilbur would obviously never have been shitty about something like that. he Was really happy about the baby and yeah maybe there woudlve been disappointment, but he 100% would've supported her. it's just sally is very lost and confused and she doesn't know what to do or how to communicate that).

and so they have the baby and wilbur's so in love and overjoyed, and for him this is it. yes they still live in a shitty flat, living off three minimum wages (he has 2 jobs), to sustain two adults a baby and a teenager, but they'll make it work because they're in love and everything. i'm telling you, that man is ready to propose, he even saved up to buy a ring. for him, fundy's birth is proof that he's finally achieved his dream of having an actually stable family, with people that love him, and yeah it's hard right now but things are only gonna look up from now on.

but for sally it's vastly different, because she left home with all these ideas of living by herself and making it on her own and experiencing life but she just. doesn't know how to deal with this. she's terrified because she knows she's not as responsible as wilbur, who's had to act as a parent to tommy since he was a kid, who never had a childhood but who can handle heavy responsibilities.

she's scared of being tied down at 20 when she hasn't lived yet, whereas wilbur is in the direct opposite headspace where he never even thought he would make it to 20.

and so she leaves when fundy is just three months old, and it fucking wrecks wilbur.

like this isn't just a 20 yr old heartbreak, it's not just getting ghosted and dumped and not knowing why, it's having all his fragile hopes of building something good, a family, finally having someone by his side who would stick by him and help him and love him, completely shatter to the ground. it hurts even more because he's been lulled in a false sense of security where he thought they were on the same page when they were on like. completely different BOOKS, to continue the metaphor.

he still has the ring in his closet, but sally wasn't ready to get married at all. and already for secure adults this kind of breakup (being in love but with different goals) would already be something hard to accept and move forward from, but wilbur is. neither secure nor an adult despite what he claims. he's twenty and he's never been loved by anyone other than his little brother for more than a couple months and he thought this was it. it was like a fairytale, in a way, and it's really naive because just like sally, he's a kid!! they were in love but they never communicated well and they never talked about serious stuff like this.

and he's heartbroken and angry and devastated and also so embarrassed- i mean really, buying a wedding ring, he was getting way ahead of himself, as if sally would ever want to stay with him like that.

and it's back to square one, in a way. he's back to where he was at 18, freshly graduated from high school with 2 jobs, tommy finally in his custody, barely making ends meet, and so so lonely (hadn't met niki or any other of his friends yet, quackity was long gone to harvard). except now he has a baby, so it's even harder because he loves fundy so much but now he has to provide for a newborn and a teenager on his own, on top of dealing with the breakup.

but what i love about their relationship is also how it matures. once they've moved on, they never develop romantic feelings again for each other, but they do learn to work together and eventually be friends, for fundy's sake. mind you, that takes YEARS. after she ghosts him, wilbur doesn't have any sort of contact with her for at least three or four years, until he really needs help and he swallows his pride and asks for child support.

she still isn't fundy's mother, or is ready to be, but she does want to help how she can to try to make up for things. it's very stilted, because fundy doesn't know her, and wilbur's trying to be mature and helpful but he's still hurting.

after that, it's a long long time of awkwardly tiptoeing around each other and only texting to say they've picked fundy up from school or that they forgot his pyjamas, etc. she does build a sort-of relationship with fundy, and when fundy's like 6-7 he starts spending every second weekend at her house. they'll never be as close as fundy and wilbur are (or even fundy and quackity when he moves in with them but that's another post), but she's trying.

and with wilbur, they eventually become friends again. after years of working together for fundy, they do start to talk more and be friendlier. this is only possible because wilbur finally feels like he's moved on, especially now being with quackity in a much healthier & mature relationship, and so even though he forgave her a long time ago, now he actually feels comfortable talking to her normally.

she does feel really guilty about leaving for so long, but they talk about it, and it helps them both a lot, especially wilbur who spiralled trying to figure out why he did wrong to push her away, so learning it was a matter of not being ready was really healing for him.

so yeah i love how they grow from that, from being kids in love but not communicating, to adult friends who can actually talk to each other. she even goes to wilbur's and quackity's wedding!!

[ceterisparibus116]

What's Matt's worst moment ever, in your opinion?

His father's death? Elektra? He's got, like, a trauma per episode (I want to hug him).

WHAT AN ANGSTY QUESTION, ANON, I LOVE YOU.

Here's my top 5:

Jack's death. Matt has just lost the most stable and secure thing in his life, and he has, essentially, nothing left. There's no evidence that Matt really has anyone else to even talk to. (Maybe Father Lantom, but it's possible that relationship didn't really grow until Matt was living at the orphanage.) Then there's the fact that Matt believes it's his fault. I mean...just imagine. On top of all of this, Matt is so young. How is he even supposed to process any of this?

Stick leaving. As might be apparent from my fics, I think Stick is directly responsible for a lot of Matt's problems. The fact that Stick left was bad enough; the way that Stick left makes it all so, so much worse. He basically told Matt to his face that he wasn't good enough (which is one of Matt's worst fears - if it wasn't already, then I think it became so in that moment), and he left in direct response to Matt showing affection, to Matt wanting their relationship to be more than just a warrior training another fighter. No wonder Matt keeps people at a distance. No wonder Matt thinks no one really wants to know the real him.

Foggy leaving (the first time). Foggy was not having a great time in NvM, we all get that, but still: Foggy could hardly have handled that worse. He finally saw the side of Matt that Matt had hidden for so long, and he refused to even acknowledge the good parts, choosing instead to focus on everything negative, and then choosing to leap beyond simply discussing actions to making judgments about Matt's character. That cuts deep. No wonder Foggy had to be the one to reach out afterwards; Matt wouldn't have dared.

Elektra dying (the first time). She'd finally chosen to be good...and it killed her. Now, this was Elektra's choice and we shouldn't diminish her agency by acting like Matt forced her into it (any more than we should diminish Matt's agency by acting like she forced him into some of his Season 2 choices). However, Matt definitely sees it as his fault. Then there's the fact that she died not only choosing to be good, but taking the hit meant for him. Now, in Matt's mind, it's completely his fault. Add to that how he feels that he doesn't really have Foggy or Karen in his life anymore, and...well, we see how it affects him when we check in with him in the beginning of Defenders. He's hanging on by a thread.

Finding out about Maggie (and Father Lantom). This is a vicious one-two punch. His mom knowingly let him grow up alone, despite being right there. And his priest did the same thing. The effect it has is immediate: he shuts everyone out, and basically shuts himself off from his own humanity. The only part of his life that makes any sense anymore is Daredevil.

Other awful moments (the break-up with Elektra, Foggy leaving the second time, the break-up with Karen, Claire rejecting him, etc.) are a bit lesser, I think. With Elektra and Foggy, maybe I'm projecting, but I think the trauma of both of them leaving is mitigated somewhat by his conviction that he did the right thing (by refusing to kill for Elektra, and by refusing to give up Daredevil for Foggy). With Karen and Claire, it's messier because with Karen, he did lie to her, and with Claire, he did think he was too close to the line for her to be with him.

I also want to briefly discuss his blindness. That would have been a horrifying moment for him, going from having (apparently) 20/20 vision, to suddenly having NLP - on top of the pain and shock of how it happened. However, I don't think that moment would be as traumatizing for Matt as the top 5 I've listed above because although sight is important and trying to suddenly live without it is terrifying, I think relationship trauma will always cut deeper for Matt than physical trauma.

Thank you for the very angsty (but fun) question, Anon! What does everyone else think? What are Matt's worst moments?

[aheckinmess]

Terms & Conditions [Deku] (Angst)

(One-shot 17/? in a collection of My Hero Academia one-shots posted regularly on Saturdays - and sometimes Sundays.)

Read on AO3.

Tags: Izuku x OC, Midoriya x OC, Deku x OC, Izuku Midoriya, Deku, Original Female Character(s), Ichijiku Aoki, Tigress, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Shouta Aizawa, Eraserhead, Papazawa, Hound Dog, UA High School, Pro Heroes in Training, OC Tends to Self-Sabotage, And Self-Sacrifice, Aizawa Calls Her Out on It, But Also Reminds Her to Take Care of Herself, She a Little Depresso Espresso, But She Gets Counseling from Hound Dog, Deku is a Proper Ray of Sunshine, And Comforts Her Afterwards

Word Count: 2,106 words

Summary: Ichijiku is called into Mr. Aizawa's office after he notices she hasn't been herself. After a brief discussion with him and Hound Dog, Ichijiku talks with Deku about how she's been feeling for the past few weeks.

Ichijiku (Tigress)

“Aoki-san, a word in my office, please.” Mr. Aizawa says. 

“Am I in trouble, sir?” I whisper, looking up at him with a slump in my shoulders.

“No, nothing like that. Just a check in.” He reassures me, remaining quiet until we’re both in the classroom and he’s at the door, gesturing for me to leave.

As I step through the threshold and walk towards his office, I go over the possible reasons he might need to speak to me. Unlike America, homeroom teachers aren’t just there to be an extra teacher. Homeroom teachers in Japan act as your second father, and I’m sure by now Dad is grateful Aizawa is mine. 

Even I can say for myself that I’m an emotional burden for anyone to carry.

We step in and I set my bag down beside the chair opposite his desk as he shuts the door. I wait until he’s standing by his seat before I seat myself. My eyes can’t seem to meet his, though, and I use my hair as a curtain between us. Authority has always terrified me.

“You’re not in any trouble,” He begins by reassuring me again. “But I want to know if there’s anything going on that’s contributed to your unusual behavior lately.”

Anything else he says dies in my ears. My body stiffens, rigid as a board. I grip my uniform skirt over my knees and instantly combat the traitorous tears blurring my vision. That’s why he called me in here? No one’s noticed anything, not even Dad. How would Mr. Aizawa notice?! He’s trained to notice these things, Little One. You’re not in trouble. We can tell him the truth. No. No one ever listens to me, anyway. Why would he? In my ongoing mental combat, I remain stiff and unspeaking.

“Normally, my students often struggle because of their grades in my class. But yours are on par with some of your higher scoring peers. Even in math, your struggle subject, you keep stable and ask for help. So I take it that your trials are not academic in nature, right?” He goes on. I can feel his eyes trained on me.

“I don’t know what kind of unusual behavior you’re talking about.” I force my muscles to loosen as I speak, never looking up. “Can you explain that?”

“Whether or not you realize it, you’re normally a bright and optimistic personality in the classroom. You may be much quieter, but you are typically passionate about things you enjoy and kind to your peers. You often wait for your friends and make sure everyone’s cared for on and off the training fields.” All of the compliments make my sad little heart shudder with hope, even if delivered in my teacher’s monotonous drone. “For the past few months, however, you’ve grown more detached. You don’t make eye contact in class. You keep your head down. You’re often the first to leave even if your friends stay behind.”

Because no one listens to me, so why say anything at all? I think, but I know that in part that’s a lie. I just stare at my feet, loosen the tension in the rest of my muscles, and clear my throat to keep my voice steady.

“You have nothing to worry about, Sensei. I’m perfectly fine.”

“Look up at me, Aoki-san.” He orders, and I can’t stop myself from complying. He may be tired and try to play the apathetic authority figure, but we all know that our teacher is compassionate. “I know that’s a lie.”

My jaw clenches and my lip quivers, and he sees it.

Maybe he can offer some advice. It’s okay to ask for help. Asking for help just proves that I’m weak. Asking for help just proves that you’re human, Little One.

“No one listens to me.” I whisper, barely aware I’ve said it until the rest comes tumbling out. “I’m the quiet kid. Everyone listens to me when it’s convenient for them. Even my closest friends interrupt or only like talking to me whenever I agree with them.” Tears escape and I snap my head down, afraid of the scolding I’ll get for crying. You can talk to him. He is safe. “I’m only wanted when I’m useful or have something to offer. I know Bakugo’s normally aggressive, but he gets even more defensive and asserts more dominance when I have an opinion that’s opposed to his. I know that’s not surprising, but it still hurts. We’ve been good friends for a long time but it feels like when we spend more time hanging out, he expects me to share his thoughts and agree with him about everything. And if I don’t then my voice suddenly doesn’t matter anymore.”

“That is a reasonable concern, Aoki-san. But, I assume there’s more?”

“Stop knowing me!” I huff a little laugh, before wiping my eyes and continuing. “Hanoku and I are best friends, too, but sometimes it feels like she only wants me around for what I can give her…because I’m of use to her. I’m not saying everyone has to agree with me or cater to my whims. I know they have other things to do.” Better things than putting up with me… “But her…even Sayuri will often only listen to me when I have something she contributes worthy to listen to in a conversation. It just feels like everyone I talk to thinks I’m too snobbish because I’m quiet, or I say stuff they don’t like, so they don’t bother listening. I just want them to care about me…because I really care about them.” I shrug.

“You just want to be loved because you’re you, not because of a service you provide.” 

Something suddenly clicks and I look up at Mr. Aizawa, tears and all. 

“Do you feel that way sometimes, Sensei?” My heart squeezes. “Because of your quirk?”

The bad voice doubles down. Other people have problems, too. Mr. Aizawa probably puts up with this on a daily basis and he doesn’t whine about it.

“I do, sometimes.” He nods.

“I’m sorry,” And I mean it. I hide behind my hair again, hearing the seam whine under my fingers as I grip my skirt again. “You have the same feelings and I’m whining about mine. I apologize.”

“You’re allowed to hurt, Aoki-san. Especially when people you care very deeply about don’t always measure up. We may be heroes, but we’re only human.” He reminds me.

“Yeah, but you have other problems to worry about. And so do they. So I feel like talking about my problems makes me selfish,” I whimper and then mutter. “I should be grateful anyone pays attention to me at all.”

“You’re not being selfish for addressing human conditions that need attention.” Mr. Aizawa says this slowly enough that I look up at him, scared to believe such a statement. “I mean it. I’m your homeroom teacher. Any emotional or mental concerns you have are meant to be addressed here. It can be something small or something big. My job is to provide you with the tools to get through it with your head held high.”

“So I’m not,” I pause, tapping my teeth together behind closed lips. “I’m not being mean or ungrateful?” 

“Your concerns about your friends putting conditions on their affection for you is not being mean or ungrateful. It’s a concern. A valid one. You care very deeply about them, yes? And while you may sometimes want things from them, they aren’t demands. You’ll hang around them even if your requests aren’t fulfilled and their opinions are different from yours. You’re allowed to be upset because you feel like they don’t extend the same courtesy to you. You feel like they make demands of you because you think they won’t love you as much if you don’t do anything for them. Regardless of if it’s true, it hurts because you care about those people.” 

“Yeah, but…” I sniffle and pick at the fabric of my skirt. “I shouldn’t feel that way. I shouldn’t feel like I deserve anything more.”

“Why not?” 

“Because I’m just…” I shrug my shoulders. “Me.”

“And that is exactly why you deserve more than what you think.”

. . . . .

Mr. Aizawa leads me to Hound Dog for extra help on learning to work through my emotions and give them space. By the time I walk out, I’m feeling a good deal better than when I stepped in. I feel less like my friends secretly hate me and more confident that they still love me without conditions.

“Honeydoodle!” Deku’s voice breaks into my menagerie of thoughts as I give my thanks to my teachers. He gives a bow to Mr. Aizawa and Hound Dog as they leave, but his focus stays on me. “I was wondering where you went. Are you okay?” 

“Me? Yeah, I’m okay. Mr. Aizawa was checking on me and decided I could use a little help from Hound Dog.”

“Are you feeling well?”

“Just a little sad, but I’m feeling better now after talking about it.” I reassure him, pulling him into a hug.

“Aww, do you need a–oh, yeah that!” He laughs for a moment before giving me a good squeeze. When we pull back, he holds my hand and we start heading out. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“I want to be honest and talk with you about it.” I pause, chewing my lip as I weigh the consequences of being vulnerable with him. “I don’t know if I can tell you without making you sad or mad at me.”

“You can trust me, Ichan. If it becomes more than I can handle, we’ll take some time to think before we come back to it.” He assures me with a smile. “So, what’s wrong?”

The brisk wind of autumn answers him before I do, whipping his green hair around his face and haloing him like an angel as I think about how to explain what I’ve been feeling for the past several weeks.

“Lately, it feels like everyone only keeps me around because of what I can give them, not because I’m their friend.” I begin, swinging our arms as we walk off campus and down the street. “I talked with Hound Dog about it. Mr. Aizawa ratted me out and told him that I have a habit of self-sacrificing instead of taking care of myself.”

“Hehe, he’s said that about me, too.” Deku rubs the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle. “But at least that’s something we can both help each other with.”

“Yeah. We basically figured out that I’ve been feeling overwhelmed because I overexert myself for others. I expect the same from them but I don’t tell them when I need it, so…” I try to remember how Hound Dog put it, but decide on an analogy when I can’t find the right words. “He said I’ve been offering all of myself to everyone…pouring all of the water from my cup into others and hoping others will offer the same to help replenish me.”

“And,” He playfully pinches my cheek to make me look at him. “You feel like we don’t?” 

“Sometimes. But we spoke today about how I don’t get filled because I put my needs secondary. I don’t tell anyone I need help, which is why I’m trying to do better and talk to you.” I admit, glancing at him for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking at my toes instead of the approaching train station. “Because even though I’ve been acting like I’ve been fine for so long…the truth is, I’m really hurting most of the time. I get tired, same as everyone else. But I don’t want any of you to be upset, so I pretend I’m not bothered.”

Deku abruptly pulls me against his chest the second we find a spot to stand on the train. My heart stops, but I allow myself to melt against the firm warmth of his chest. I begin dozing against his shoulder before he speaks.

“You’re one of the strongest people I know, Ichijuku.” He whispers. “I’m sorry that we often take that for granted, and I can’t speak for everyone, but know that I don’t just keep you around because of what you can give me. I want you by my side because you’re one of the kindest, gentlest souls I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing and calling mine.”

The dull ache in my chest smooths out into an affectionate glow, pulling tears down my cheeks as the endless activity of my mind finally quiets.

Want More Deku? Try: Below Ground Zero - Rhythm & Blues

[axewchao]

Decided to turn a couple of my OCs into Zelda races!

Why? Because I know for a fact that I can't just draw Dal n' Rev all day. One day I'll branch out, and that means I need more practice with everything else Hyrule has to offer =w=

'Specially the Zoras. Those damn fish... head... tail... things =_="

I'll be sticking their mini-bios under a readmore :3

Makani

A Gerudo journeying across Hyrule. Blessed with fire magic, she left Gerudo Town to learn how to properly control said power, mainly via fighting as many monsters as she can. She hopes to one day return to the desert and challenge the legendary Molduking. Has an affinity for baking, and has considered establishing her own bakery somewhere pleasant and pretty.

While Makani has a number of goals on her mind, one she struggles with revolves around her eventually finding a voe. She doesn't want to just... have a kid for the sake of adding to the next generation, then waltz off to continue pursuing her own desires like her mother did. She wants to find a husband and start a loving family, but still has dreams, and only has so much time to do either. Subconsciously, she feels like she's being rushed to pick one thing and stick with it forever, which stresses her out.

Dusty

A Goron traveling with Makani. He considers Makani his sworn sister because of the matching heart-shaped marks (okay Dusty's is a rock) on their necks. Like his name implies, he's known for leaving large trails of dust clouds whenever he rolls around. He uses this to his advantage when fighting monsters; blocking their vision with dust, then striking from behind. He can also use the spikes on his back to scale up various walls.

Dusty is particularly fond of crashing into things. Monsters, large rocks, ore deposits, you name it, he'll crash it. Like most other Gorons, he doesn't like the taste of gems, but still collects them to make easy rupees. After hearing about the powers each gem can hold, he's kept one of each type for himself, as he's now debating over whether he should just attach them to his weapons and call it a day or keep more and have them converted into jewelry later. That "diamond circlet" thing sounds pretty badass, after all...

Tuno

A young Zora that was found washed up on the shores of Hateno Beach by Symin some time prior to the events of BotW. Rather than let the child swim back out to the unknowns of the sea, Tuno was instead brought to the Domain, where he was taken in by Laflat. Much like Link, Tuno never says a word, but can communicate with other Zoras by wiggling his fins.

Tuno has abilities similar to that of a puffer fish, in that he can puff up his tail and raise a set of spines to stab/scare any would-be assailants or threats. However, unlike puffer fish, he isn't poisonous in any way. He rarely puffs up, both because he's difficult to scare, and because it looks embarrassingly silly. The one thing that does scare him, however, is Octoroks. It's possible that some kind of Octorok had terrified Tuno in the past, maybe even drove him away from the sea entirely.

Tuna

A Hylian boy who lives at the Woodland Stable. He's Tuno's best friend, and the two are as close as siblings. Tuna often wonders if it's possible for a person to turn into a Zora, and likes to daydream about what his "Zora form" would look like. Prefers playing with the horses rather than actually tending to them, and is often begging his parents to let him start his riding lessons.

For reasons unknown, Tuna is prone to falling ill on the night of a blood moon, often left bedridden by sunset. He's become a sort of alarm at the stable because of this, where if anyone is wondering when a blood moon will rise, they just check on him. If he's feeling dizzy, that means one's coming. He'll recover the following morning without fail, but this doesn't stop his parents and fish bro from worrying about him.

[tennessoui]

Prompt ask! 😍

"I need you, though"

guess who went to the zoo today i went to the zoo today so this is the premise of my zookeeper au in ficlet form

(1.6k) (warning: himbo obi-wan)

Obi-Wan Kenobi is leaning against the post of the goat pin, watching him.

Anakin doesn’t quite know what to do about that, and he decides to table the issue until he has  a moment to shoo the man away.

What he can’t figure out is why Obi-Wan Kenobi is here. They’ve never talked. Until this very moment, he hadn’t realized Obi-Wan Kenobi even knew who he was, but when he turns his head slightly to the side to peek over at him, it’s definitely him that he’s looking at.

Of course he knows who Obi-Wan Kenobi is though. He’s one of the best zookeepers in the Coruscant Zoo—and probably the most recognizable. After all, he’s the head of the team that works with the big cats, and everyone comes to the zoo to see the lions and tigers be fed and sleep. And whatever else the lions and tigers do.

It probably helps that the guy feeding them and playing with them is undeniably also probably handsomest man in all of Coruscant.

Maybe not, Anakin doesn’t know.

What Anakin does know is that it’s very hard to look in Obi-Wan’s direction without imagining beard burn on his thighs, a fact of life that’s thus far not mattered much.

But now he’s surrounded by little children, exhausted moms, and goats, sheep, rabbits, and ponies. Arousal is not one of the feelings he should be having at this moment.

He throws the fresh hay down by the stable and wipes the sweat off his forehead. He needs to get Obi-Wan Kenobi to leave because he probably has—like, an actual job to do. He’s wearing his zookeeping jumpsuit, which means he probably should be on the other side of the zoo, prodding sleeping lions or petting tigers.

He’s probably scaring the bunnies, smelling all like big cat and predator and sandalwood cologne with just a hint of spice—

Look, it’s normal that Anakin knows what Obi-Wan Kenobi smells like. They’ve passed each other in the hall before, at work events. He’s pretty sure Obi-Wan Kenobi has come out of the bathroom right before Anakin went in a few times too, so it’s not like it’s abnormal to know how the guy smells.

And the most important thing is he can’t be smelling like that around Anakin’s babies, because they’re probably terrified and they have to put up with enough with all the snot-nosed brats that come in and try to pull their tails or ears.

On his way over to Obi-Wan Kenobi, he sees a little girl in a princess dress doing just that with Cinny-Minny Bun Bun, which is a crime too grievous to go unpunished, so he redirects his body immediately to snatch the poor bunny away from the girl’s grubby little fingers. “You’ll hurt her doing that,” Anakin chides in a perfectly polite sort of voice, cuddling the bunny to his chest. Cinny is quivering. “What if someone came up and pulled on your ears? How would you like that?”

The little girl looks at him for two seconds before promptly bursting into tears. Internally, Anakin rolls his eyes. Kids cry about everything, but they especially don’t like being told that they can’t torture small animals.

Psychopaths, all of them.

He keeps Cinny against his chest as he turns away from the kid and finishes his trek over to Obi-Wan, who is giving him a very unimpressed raised eyebrow.

“You can’t be here, you’re scaring the animals with your—big cat scent,” he says once they’re face to face, separated by the posts of the fence around the petting zoo. 

“You’re scaring the children,” Obi-Wan Kenobi points out, which may be the first words he’s ever said to him directly.

Anakin scowls and adjusts his hold on Cinny-Minny. “Children are the worst.”

Now Obi-Wan is smiling slightly, which is a really good look for him. “Your job hinges upon being able to work with animals and children, and—and, Mr. Skywalker, that was a very disappointing display I just witnessed. I understand thata you’re still grieving the unexpected loss of your wife, but you have to keep your personal life from affecting your work, or we’ll be forced to terminate your contract with Coruscant Zoo. I’ll be making a note of this incident in your file for your performance review at the end of the month.”

This is all said very sternly and with a self-assured yet disapproving tone.

But Anakin thinks he’d probably notice if he had a wife and also if she died tragically. He blinks at Obi-Wan and wonders if the man is having a stroke. He’s also pretty sure Obi-Wan can’t actually fire him.

He could probably sic the big cats on him though, which is less than optimal.

“Uh,” Anakin settles on saying.

Obi-Wan’s eyes dart away from his face and then back to him before he breaks out into a grin. “Sorry, the mother of the child you traumatized was coming over looking rather unhappy. I thought if I told you off for your outlandish and boarish behavior, she wouldn’t feel the need to. And she’s turned back now, so. You’re welcome.”

Anakin blinks. “Me and my dead wife thank you,” he finally says. “You need to go though. They can probably smell Split Pea all over you.”

“I don’t actually roll around with the lion as much as you may think I do,” Obi-Wan says, and both of his eyebrows are raised.

“Oh, of course. That’s just the tigers.”

“Chowder and Gumbo enjoy my company, but for the most part I do stay out of all of my enclosures. They’re big cats, not exactly petting zoo material.”

“Which is why you need to leave,” Anakin says again, in case Obi-Wan didn’t hear that part. “You’re scaring Cinny-Minny.”

“Cinny-Minny.”

“Cinnamon Minerva Bun Bun.”

Now it’s Obi-Wan’s turn to blink. “Ah. Of course.”

“All your animals are named after soups,” Anakin says defensively. “Don’t throw stones.”

Obi-Wan looks amused, which is also a very good look on him, the fucker. “I didn’t say anything,” he points out.

Anakin scowls and clutches Cinny close. He’s ninety percent sure she’s fallen asleep.

“You need to leave,” he reiterates. “I need you though,” Obi-Wan says, and then looks slightly horrified. “Your hands. No, sorry. I mean—” it’s the first time this entire conversation that Obi-Wan Kenobi has been flustered, and Anakin would be enjoying it a lot more if he could think past all the mental images of what Obi-Wan could use his hands for.

“That,” Obi-Wan finally spits out, looking mortified as he rubs a hand over his face and uses his other one to gesture at—

Anakin blinks down at Cinny. “My bunny?”

Does Obi-Wan think the petting zoo animals are like class pets that the employees can go home with? How did he get such an erroneous conception and also why is Anakin sort of jealous of a rabbit right now?

“Yes,” Obi-Wan says. “Well, no.”

“Thanks for clearing that one up,” Anakin says gamely. “Want to try again?”

Obi-Wan sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, like Anakin is the one being difficult here. “I…am in need of your expertise.”

“My expertise. In…bunnies?”

“Yes,” Obi-Wan snaps. Anakin blinks at him. “I—my friend is out of town for a month, and he asked me to pet sit for him. And I think I’m killing the rabbit.”

This is pretty alarming actually.

“What?”

“It’s not eating anything and it just—sits in its hutch. I haven’t seen it eat any of the food I’ve left out, and it’s like. Shaking?” Obi-Wan crosses his arms. “I’m worried I’ve given it a terrible case of seasonal depression, honestly, but my friend’s daughter will literally never forgive me if I kill her rabbit.”

Anakin thinks he probably agrees with the friend’s daughter, and something like that may flash across his face because it’s Obi-Wan’s turn to scowl.

“I’ve tried everything that works for my cats,” he says. “Nothing. I’m running out of ideas, Anakin.”

This is the first time Obi-Wan’s said his name, and Anakin finds himself half-distracted by how much he enjoys the way it sounds in his voice. But more importantly: “Wait, sorry, did you—did you, what, give the bunny extra bloody meat? Put the food on a stick and wriggle it around to encourage its predator instincts to come out and play?”

Obi-Wan’s silent for a moment too long.

“Oh my god,” Anakin says before bursting into laughter so fierce that he has to shove Cinny into Obi-Wan’s hands just to clutch his own stomach.

Obi-Wan holds the bunny like he’s holding a lit stick of dynamite, and it only makes Anakin laugh harder. This is a man who routinely walks into small spaces already inhabited by clawed and fanged predators and scratches them behind the ears, but the fluffy bunny in his hands looks as if it may break him.

“Alright, thank you,” Obi-Wan says, sounding more than a little put-out and ticked off. “Alright.”

Anakin’s laughter finally peters out, and he takes Cinny Minny back from Obi-Wan before he can give the rabbit PTSD or anything. “Okay,” he hears himself say, which is weird because he hasn’t thought at all about the actual request, unable to think past the mental image of Obi-Wan trying to find a bunny the way he feeds his lions. “Yeah, okay. Do you need just like—advice or. Pet websites? A blog forum?” “Come over,” Obi-Wan demands. “I learn best through hands-on demonstration.”

Anakin doesn’t say any of the five things that come to mind because they’re all a bit sleazy and he’s better than that. “Okay,” he hears himself say again. “Yeah, okay.”

“Excellent,” Obi-Wan smiles at him before reaching out and using two fingers to gently pet the space between Cinny’s ears.

It’s probably the most attractive thing Anakin’s seen in the last month.

He doesn’t want to think about what that says about him.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

https://www.tumblr.com/twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat/742399552248840192

To answer your question as to who mari would be in this I raise you two options: if you were to make a sashisu x reader omori au (including nanami and haibara) reader could either be mari OR…. reader could be basil…bc imagine the survivors guilt😭😭

ANON????????? YOU’RE LITERALLY INSANE?????? YOU CAN’TTTTTTT DROP SUCH A BIGBRAINED CONCEPT IN MY ASK BOX AND EXPECT ME TO BE FINE 😭😭😭😭😭

no because this ask has been haunting me since i saw it ………. the potential here………… we’re gonna have to Discuss this. in depth. anon take my hand 🤲 hold it tight so we don’t lose each other in the brain rot

first of all SASHISU X READER OMORI AU ARE YOU INSANE??????? THAT’S SOOOO GOOD WHAT….. u little genius why do i lowkey wanna write this now 😞

okay so . this is just me spitballing …. but …… what if. omori!shoko… kel!haibara……. basil!gojo….. aubrey!nanami and hero!sugu🤔🤔🤔 what do we think anon. honestly i just got kind of attached to shoko being omori but i could see sugu taking that role too !! still, he reminds me a lot of hero :(( the guilt he feels…. all that leftover love for mari that he tries to turn into something good by becoming a doctor…..,,,, the way he returns to keep the group stable. it just makes sense to me!! i feel like he would bear the most guilt over reader’s death, blaming himself for not noticing anything… :(( he absolutely hasn’t moved past it but he’s trying so hard to keep himself intact.

and honestly nanami and haibara are kinda self-explanatory… haibara is Literally kel and emo nana reminds me a lot of aubrey !! i could see him being so attached to reader as a child and just being so angry over it all yk???? lashing out at everyone. he loved them so dearly and saw them as an older sibling and he can’t stand the idea of moving on from any of it.

and ohhhhh basil!gojo…….. he’s so. so so so guilty. so terrified of everyone leaving him. this is one i’m a lil unsure abt but i can still see it yk??? him and shoko bearing all this silent guilt, keeping it from suguru…… gojo being so attached to you but choosing to bear the guilt along with shoko… because he’s The Strongest and he couldn’t let her bear that kind of sin alone . DO WE SEE THE VISION……….,

ok but alternatively….., sugu is omori and shoko is hero 👀👀👀👀 sugu who shuts himself away from the guilt …… represses it ………. gojo who bears the sin of reader’s death along with him. because they’re best friends who share everything. and shoko being the glue that keeps them together in a way… that shows up when things get ugly…. hero being a doctor is also so fitting. and her silent suffering over reader’s death that she doesn’t let anyone see……,.,,,, shoko/reader canon idc

and then obv the final confrontation between sugu and gojo……, sugu and himself…….. ”you loved her and you killed her.” I FEEL ILLLLLL tbh this version feels so much more fitting 😭😭😭 omori!shoko still has a special place in my heart tho. but just imagine the final battle between sugu and gojo… letting go of their guilt when they see each other in the hospital ….., sighhhhh. this au makes me so emotional T_T

[l0ganberry]

I'm gonna finally go back to making a WH pirate au so best be prepared!! Especially since the couple characters I want to start making the character designs for are Barnaby, Sally and Wally. (They're my top 3)

Other than that, here's some brainstorm I did for all of the characters on what roles they have in the crew.... (some might be changed but who knows right?)

For Barnaby, I really want to make him the quartermaster. Since that's like the co-captain to my understanding (It's also described as the second-in-command so, hell yeah) . The reason why is because it was the closest role where both Wally and Barnaby can be together. AND I CAN NEVER AND I MEAN NEVER SPLIT THEM APART!!! Both can be responsible on the brainstorming and the way things can be run to have their crew stable. And for funsies, I can do an origin story where both were the ones to plan out or even bring together this crew. (The neighborhood crew if you would like...)

For Sally, she'll be the musician/musikers. The reason why is because for her entertaining behavior. I even think she's good with poetry so there's that. She will be the best provider for music for every occasion. Since there was a thing that said "when a ship with musicians approached another ship with the intention to fight, the effects of the music could be terrifying to the enemy". So very helpful. But I bet she would mostly be with Poppy for...... popstar excuses..... but it would always be most likely for when battles are happening since she..... "CRAVES" for danger for her songs and stories.

Poppy is obviously gonna be the cook/Chef on the ship. The reasons are very self explanatory but my main reason is because I don't want her getting hurt. These adventures that the crew will be put in are gonna be dangerous, lifetaking and action-packed to the brim! And I'm afraid that Poppy won't be able to handle that since it might even overwhelm her from all the worrying that these adventures can be. (She might handle it but I don't know if that's really her cup of tea tbh.) As the chef, she can cook and bake whatever her hearts desires, that way she can satisfy her friends or even guest passengers.

Howdy will be the Boatswain. The boatswain is held responsible for the provisions of the ship. Which means he maintains the stores of food, water, rum, gunpowder, shot, sails, rope, wood, and tar required to keep the ship and crew fit for action. The boatswain also directed the loading of cargo into the hold to maintain the proper ballast to ensure level sailing. That to me sounds like a good role for Howdy.

I even saw that they even need to "report any problems to the quartermaster".

So..... Laughingstock opportunity????? I'LL DO IT!! WATCH ME!! Well.... most need to report to the quartermaster but you know what I mean!!!

Eddie will be the brute. The brute is responsible for managing the canvas sails when the winds are strong, loading and unloading heavy supplies and maintaining hard tasks. Brutes are described as "big, strong men capable of handling themselves no matter the work or the fight".....

Watch out Frank (LOL!!!)

I actually really think that will fit Eddie a lot since It's proven that he's very strong willed, a bit overworked and very on the mindset of being able to get things/tasks done when given at hand.

Frank will be the pilot of the ship. I was planning on letting Wally steer the ship but for Frank's role is more for the "well-educated" fellows. Since he pretty is the smart one, why not? He's responsible for plotting the ship’s course and maintaining that course. Along with, maintaining all of the ship’s charts and maps as well as the tools of navigation. So I'm very confident to say that Frank would be perfect on organizing all of that.

Julie might actually be the most interesting one of all..... I'll leave the interesting part a mystery but let's just say for now that she's the sail-master. (For now that is) The Sail-master knows every knot, line, rope, block and tackle in the rigging as well as how to repair them all. She will also responsible for training and running the sail crew as well as overseeing the making and patching of sails. But yes...... and please keep in mind on Julie....

And Wally is obviously the captain. Since that's already proven in that one poll a few months back. The captain is like the boss of the whole ship and crew. Which means the captain is also responsible for everything aboard him. every item and every man. Seems fitting for Wally (a bit) but I'll make it work. At least he will always be along side Barnaby with every step of the way. I mean.... at least he does care about all his friends.

Most of my research was to this post I found....

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

A new servant desperately struggles to understand what exactly Merlin is:

A cryptid? Arthur's boyfriend? Simply a dude? The court jester? Something else entirely? Who knows, certainly not the new guy.

The first time the new kitchen-hand, Tristan, saw The King’s dark-haired servant sprinting down the corridor, he couldn’t tell if the man was laughing or crying.

He was fast, faster than Tristan thought possible for someone whose arms were so full of laundry, but he politely steps out of the way, coming to the conclusion that he must’ve been late for something. At least... he did think that, until he turns the next corner to see three of The king’s most trusted knights peering out of windows and into random doors. Tristan freezes in the corridor, he’d heard that servants were treated extremely well here, but he’d only been employed for a few days and he didn’t want to risk anything by pushing past or addressing his betters.

One of the knights, Sir Leon, his brain helpfully supplies, spots him stood there, and his annoyed frown quickly morphs into a friendly smile:

“Pardon me, sorry, I don’t suppose you’ve seen Merlin around anywhere, have you?”

Tristan’s eyes go wide and the grip he has on his tray tightens, but he forces himself to take a breath and answer, trying his best to keep his voice even:

“Merlin is... The King’s manservant? Tall, with dark hair?”

Another knight pushes forward, he looks to be the oldest, with dark hair falling in an almost deliberately tousled way around his bearded jawline. His charming grin seems just a little too wide to be genuine, but Tristan isn’t quite sure if that’s because he’s about to take pleasure in punishing someone, or if he’s just being polite to a stranger:

“Yeah, yeah that’s him, seen him? Arsehole turned our shirts pink in the wash, and something tells me it was deliberate.”

Tristan gulps at the accusation and he takes a shaky step back, but before he can even think of defending the stranger that he now thinks must’ve been crying, the last of the three knights, a giant, if Tristan believed in such things, steps forward:

“Don’t worry, we won’t beat him too much.” 

He says it with a grin and a quirk of his eyebrows, but once again the kitchen-hand can’t tell if it was cruel or genuine, if he was being sarcastic or not.

“Uh... yeah, he turned left at the end of this corridor, but I didn’t see where he went after that, I apologise.”

Sir Leon waves away his apology with a smile, looking to the long-haired knight with a raised eyebrow:

“The stables?”

The man grins widely, nodding his agreement as he turns his grin to the giant. Sir Leon offers Tristan another soft smile, murmuring his thanks before moving past him, elbowing the other two to prompt them in to thanking him as well. The three of them march down the corridor with almost vindictive smiles on their faces, and Tristan prepares himself to see a vacancy note, or possibly a funeral invite, posted on the notice board by the next morning.

When he passes a window that evening to see the King’s manservant being carried on the giant’s shoulders as five other knights pelt them with gloves, a grin on every face, he decides that... well... it’s probably best to just not to ask.

~

The next time he sees Merlin, a few days later, The King is also there.

This is the first time Tristan has been in Arthur Pendragon’s presence, and though the other servant’s all rave on about how awkwardly kind he is, he’s a bundle of nerves. Not even Cook’s stories about how often she whacks The King’s knuckles with a wooden spoon when she catches him about to pilfer something stops Tristan’s heart from racing. 

The King was overseeing a few of the servants decorate the main hall for a feast, and whilst Tristan is certain that that’s not something The King normally does, he doesn’t question it, just thinks that maybe the other servants had been telling the truth, and he was a genuinely nice, but normal man. 

Merlin stands at his side, and though Tristan can’t hear their conversation, the two of them are clearly bickering over something. The servant can’t help his curiosity, wanting desperately to move closer to find out what sort of things The King allows his servant to bicker with him about; luckily, the table right next to them has yet to be laid, so he moves towards it quickly. He doesn’t even glance at them, terrified of being caught out, but perhaps Merlin surviving the knights non-wrath the other day is encouraging him, and his steps don’t falter. Their words come in to focus, and he has to stop the confused, and slightly horrified, frown from spreading across his face:

“Arthur, I swear to the Gods, if you make me wear that hat again, I’ll piss in your wine and serve it to you in front of a crowd.”

The King scoffs just as Tristan shakily begins laying down the cutlery:

“That’s treason, Merlin.”

“Do I look like I care? Not only will I piss in your wine, I will not hesitate to push you over a balcony at the first opportunity. This hall is high up and it’s a long way down to the gardens. He drank toxic wine and turned loopy and tipped himself off a balcony and went splat! That’s what people will say. I’m not wearing the Godamn hat.”

Tristan has to focus extra carefully to stop himself from gasping; Merlin just threatened to kill The King... that’s got to be a death sentence. Pissing off some knights that he’s obviously friendly with is one thing, but threatening to kill The-

“Ha ha. Very funny. If you can’t tell, Merlin, I’m being sarcastic, I know you struggle with complex concepts like that.”

Merlin just rolls his eyes, crossing his arms as he says with no hesitation:

“My mind is more than capable of coping, My Lord, it’s your belt I worry about being able to cope nowadays.”

Tristan bites his tongue to stop himself from yelping and turns away so neither of them can see his horrified face. The King just makes an outraged noise in the back of his throat, and Tristan can hear Merlin snort in laughter at whatever expression Arthur was wearing to match such a noise:

“Go to the stocks. I want you there for three hours.”

Tristan lets out a confused breath; Merlin threatens to kill The King, and gets playful sarcasm, but he implies The King might be a tad overweight, and gets sent to the stocks for three hours? How is that-

“Yeah... no. Not happening. The feast starts in less than two hours and I still have to help Guinevere organise some stuff in the courtyard, do Gaius’ rounds for him, then put an extra hole in your belt and help you get dressed because, despite being a grown man, you’re still an idiot who’s incapable of putting clothes on in any sort of decent manner.”

Tristan finds himself relaxing a little. This seems to be the norm for them, but surely... surely The King had a line somewhere, and a servant just flat out refusing to be disciplined must be where it lies?

Arthur just scoffs, and Tristan angles his head in such a way that he can see him roll his eyes:

“Fuck off.”

Merlin grins, seeming to cast a suspicious gaze over the room to make sure no one was watching and somehow completely missing Tristan stood just there, before saying quietly:

“You love me really, you prat.”

With that, Merlin reaches up to yank at a lock of The King’s hair before hurrying off in the direction of the courtyard before Arthur can react. The King jumps slightly, clearly caught by surprise as an annoyed flush rises on his face, but Tristan just frowns in confusion when his shock gives way to a softly amused smile.

Huh.

~

The next few times Tristan saw Merlin made him fear for the servant’s safety. He was being taken on hunts by The King and his knights, that’s meant to be for squires, to learn the ropes and gain experience in tracking and riding. 

He supposes it isn’t entirely unheard of for a servant to follow their master on a hunt, but with the way Merlin complains without pause, and The King in turn complains about his complaining, he thinks it would better for everyone if Merlin just... didn’t go. When he brings it up to another servant, a lovely woman named Guinevere who had helped him get unlost at least three times in his first week, she just laughs and smiles at him pityingly:

“I wouldn’t worry, those two have been like that forever, they’re practically inseparable.”

Tristan responds with a rather intelligent sounding:

“...What?”

Gwen laughs softly again, shaking her head and patting his shoulder consolingly:

“You’ll get used to it, they’re just... like that.”

She gives him one more smile before turning to wave the boys out of the gates and walking back to the castle as if this were the most normal thing in the world. Tristan supposes that it probably is.

The next time Tristan sees Merlin leave the city gates with the knights, Sir Elyan, Sir Mordred, and Sir Lancelot this time, it’s distinctly worse. Because he’d caught sight of the patrol rota last time he ran food down to the training ground, and he was certain that those three had a city patrol right about now.

Before he even has time to gape in shock, he hears Merlin’s pleading voice as he trails Sir Elyan like a lost puppy:

“Please, El, I promise to stay out of the way, I will do anything, but I swear to the Gods if I have to spend one more minute around that prat, I’ll hurl myself from the battlements.”

Swearing to the Gods and threating to hurl various people, including himself, from significant heights seems to be some sort of theme for The King’s manservant. Before Tristan can consider the implications of that, Sir Elyan turns to Merlin with a wide, teasing grin on his face:

“You know, I would’ve let you tag along for free, Merlin, but now that you’ve promised me something I feel the need to take advantage.”

Tristan tenses at that, a shot of ice spiking down his spine. He has keen eyes and sharp ears, he knows that Sir Elyan is the lovely Gwen’s brother, Sir Mordred seems to have an... odd worship for the servant, and he’s definitely picked up on the close bond between Merlin and Sir Lancelot, but is this where Camelot’s image comes crashing down in Tristan’s head? He knew that it was better here for servant’s than other Kingdoms, but there are always people who’ll take advantage of their position, no matter where you are. Merlin’s shoulders just drop and he asks in a sulking voice:

“What do you want?”

Tristan grits his teeth, moving his gaze so no one would catch him glaring at the knight as he tries to figure out a way to help, a way to get this virtual stranger out of being... abused, in such a manner. If he’d carried on glaring, he would’ve noticed Elyan’s soft smile and amused raised eyebrow:

“Next time you gather herbs for Gaius, bring back some more of those flowers that you got for Gwen. She said they added vibrancy to the house, whatever that means, but they make her happy, so...-”

Merlin just giggles and nods and Tristan relaxes, looking back to them with a confused smile on his face. That was... actually kind of sweet, he can definitely see the resemblance between the knight and his sister:

“-AND I want whatever Arthur’s having for dinner tonight, his food always looks way nicer than ours.”

Merlin lets out a faux annoyed groan, but then rolls his eyes and grins, nodding:

“Consider it done. Can we go now? I really don’t want to risk him seeing me and giving me some stupid chore to do.”

Elyan laughs and nods, and the four of them begin making their way out of the courtyard and into the city. Sir Lancelot finally joins the conversation, clearly amused as he says:

“You know it’s literally your job to do chores, right?”

Merlin turns to glare at him as Sir Mordred and Sir Elyan laugh, and Tristan only just hears his reply as the castle gates shut behind them:

“Fuck off.”

Tristan decides it would be pointless to bring this up to anyone again, he figures he’ll probably just get the same answer as last time.

~

The next confusing incident happens only a few days later. But Tristan supposes that at this point... it really shouldn’t be confusing. Gwen was right, he did just... get used to it.

He heard the steps pounding down the corridor before he saw him, but they were coming fast and hard, so he presses himself against the wall, holding the tray to his side to protect it as best he could as Merlin comes skidding round the corner. 

He stops just long enough for Tristan to calm himself by spying the wide grin on his face, but he’s quickly sprinting down the hall again, laughing as he waves whatever it is he’s got clutched in his hands. The second set of loud, rapid footsteps stops Tristan from stepping away from the wall quite yet. Just a moment later, Sir Gwaine follows Merlin’s skidded path around the corner, though the heavier man overshoots slightly and he runs into the wall opposite Tristan with a crash and a deep groan.

The rebellious knight gives a wide-eyed Tristan an awkward nod before pushing himself off the wall and following Merlin’s blazing trail, screaming down the corridor:

“I warned you Merlin!! Don’t come between a man and his ale, now give that back you bastard!”

Tristan hears Merlin’s laughter grow louder, even from the two corridors away that the other servant had managed to race to.

He shrugs to himself, waiting for a moment to see if anyone else was going to come barrelling around the corner before sighing, and continuing his journey up to the visiting Lord’s chambers.

It was unusual, he thought, how quickly he’d come to terms with the fact that a servant was sassing The King and pranking the knights and inviting himself on various hunts and patrols that he really had no business on. Unusual indeed.

~

He’d learnt to ignore it. Or at least brush it off.

In the two weeks since Merlin had (presumably) stolen Sir Gwaine’s skin of ale, he’d seen the servant call The King a long list of imaginative insults (what the hell is a dollop head?), walk around with Sir Leon’s cloak on because he was a little chilly, accuse someone of treason (and somehow been right about it), and threaten to kill at least seven people; including, but not limited to: The King himself, The King’s already dead father, some stuck up Noble (though that was under his breath, Tristan just happened to be stood next to him), and Sir Percival.

And Gwen was... absolutely right. He's just... like that. He's Merlin, and that’s what Merlin does.

So when he turns a corner in a rarely used to corridor to see him pressing The King against a wall, snogging the life out of him, Tristan simply turns around and walks back the other way. Both of them look fairly happy with the arrangement, and they’d probably chosen this corridor for the exact same reason Tristan had: it was out of everyone’s way, and was unlikely to be inhabited.

He thinks it’s odd, how... un-odd he finds it. He absent-mindedly thinks that, with the way they acted around each other, he really should’ve seen this coming. A sudden thought occurs to him, and he ducks into a storage cupboard, laying his tray down carefully as he rummages through the boxes. He lets out a quiet “Yay” when he finds what he’s looking for, carefully picking up his tray with only one hand and nudging the door open again with his hip. 

He walks back towards the corner he had just turned (and turned again) making a conscious effort to keep his steps quiet; he places the danger sign, usually used where walls had collapsed or windows had been smashed, in the middle of the corridor, a clear indication of “Do Not Enter”.

He nods smugly at his quick thinking and easy handy work before mentally planning the quickest route to the kitchens and following it hurriedly.

He casually wonders if he has time to circle around to the other end of the corridor so he could put another sign down before Cook gets angry at him for being late. Probably not. At least, not before they... finish up and move on. Hmm. He suddenly panics about the thought of them seeing the sign and knowing that someone had spotted them but... well. Hopefully they would just appreciate it and move on.

Yet again, he decides not to bring this up to anyone. He may or may not have overheard a few of the knights making some sort of bet, and he may or may not want to watch on with amusement as they fail to realise that all of them have already lost.

Tristan smiles to himself; working here had turned out to be rather entertaining, in the end.

~

THE END

I know it’s short, but I really didn’t know what else to add without it sounding like I was just repeating myself over and over😅

I hope y’all enjoyed it!!

[storiesforallfandoms]

i’m giving up this life ~ thomas shelby;peaky blinders

word count: 1996

request?: no

description: after his wife takes a bullet meant for him, tommy finds she was holding a secret from him, and that it is time for him to give up on the gangster lifestyle

pairing: thomas shelby x female!reader

warnings: swearing, violence

masterlist (one, two)

Tommy closed his eyes as the shot rang out. For once, he was prepared for whatever was coming, and he even started to silently ask for forgiveness in his next life.

However, the end didn’t come. There wasn’t even any pain that would’ve indicated he was shot. When he opened his eyes, he found his wife laying on the ground at his feet instead, a pool of blood growing around her.

The man who had attempted to kill Tommy was frozen in shock as he watched the infamous gang leader fall to his knees. He took his wife into his arms, cradling her as he frantically tied to stop the blood coming from her wound.

"Come on, love,” he begged. “Wake up, stay with me.”

Her skin was ice cold. Tommy’s hands were stained red within seconds of touching her wound. He was panicking, his mind wasn’t working properly.

Anger started to course through his veins, and in one quick motion, he pulled his gun and shot the man until he was riddled with bullet wounds. He scooped (Y/N) up in his arms and quickly carried her out of the room.

“Tommy!” Arthur called as Tommy emerged from the building. “What happened?”

“I don’t know where she came from,” Tommy said, still in a partial daze of anger and worry. “One minute it’s just me and him, the next I find (Y/N) in front of me after...she’s bleeding so much.”

Arthur opened the door of his car. “Get in, I’ll get us to the hospital.”

~~~~~~

The wait was agonizingly long. Tommy had begged to be in the room with (Y/N) as they operated on her, but the doctor was firm in having him wait in the waiting room. The Peaky Blinders may have had most officials in Birmingham under their thumb, but the doctors still held a certain level of professionalism no matter who their patients were.

Polly came to be with him while Arthur and the boys went to deal with the body Tommy had left behind. She was watching him pace back and forth in front of her. “Tommy, pleas sit down. You’re making me dizzy.”

“How much longer till we hear something?” Tommy asked, ignoring his aunt. “They’ve been in there for so long.”

“It takes time, dear. They have to make sure she doesn’t have any complications and she’ll make a full recovery.”

“Why don’t they know yet?”

Polly sighed as Tommy finally sat next to her. He pulled a cigarette from his pocket and struggled to light it. His hand was shaking so much the flame wouldn’t stay over the cigarette. She placed a more steady hand over Tommy’s and guided the light to the cigarette.

“She’ll be okay Tommy.”

Tommy was blinking back tears as he took a puff from his cigarette. “Why would she put herself in danger for me?”

Polly took Tommy’s hand in hers. “Love makes you do crazy things, and she loves you so much.”

Tommy didn’t say anything. Instead, he took another long puff off his cigarette.

(Y/N) was an angel; a kind woman with a heart of gold who was strong and unafraid of anyone or anything. Tommy could never understand what it was that made her fall in love with him, and he’d never understand how she could love him so much that she’d risk her life for him.

When the doctor emerged and called (Y/N)’s name, Tommy was standing within seconds. “Is she okay?”

“She will be after some rest,” the doctor told him. “She lost a lot of blood, but you got her here just in time. We managed to extract the bullet and stitch up her wound. They’ll both be just fine.”

“They?” Tommy asked.

“The baby.” Tommy’s eyes widened, which answered any questions the doctor had. “You didn’t know.”

Tommy was shocked into silence. He didn’t even know (Y/N) had suspected she was pregnant. If she had known. Maybe she didn’t, or else she would have told him, right?”

“Can he see her now?” Polly asked, coming to Tommy’s side.

“Of course,” the doctor responded. “Go on in, Mr. Shelby.”

Tommy’s feet moved before his mind caught up with him. He found (Y/N) in her hospital bed, her eyes closed and the color slowly returning to her face.

He was almost afraid to touch her as he pulled a chair up next to her bed. She looked so fragile, like even a slight touch would cause her to shatter into pieces. He gently brushed her hair from her face, allowing his hand to linger against her face for a moment longer.

“I’m not worth this, love,” he whispered. “I deserved that bullet, not you. It was meant for me. I should be the one in this hospital bed.”

His hand moved from her face to her stomach, gently touching the spot where his child was growing inside of her.

“I didn’t even know. I continued to put your life in danger because of what I am, and because of that we almost lost our baby.”

With no one around to see him, Tommy let the tears freely run down his face.

~~~~~~

(Y/N) was unconscious for a total of three days. Tommy did not leave her side for a single moment. Each of his family came to visit their sister-in-law, and to make sure Tommy was okay. Polly often brought food for him, knowing he wouldn’t eat otherwise.

The doctors continued to give (Y/N) a shot that was meant to help give the baby nutrients to grow while (Y/N) was unconscious. Every time someone came in to give her the shot, Tommy just wished she would finally open her eyes again, that she’d finally be okay to grow the child on her own.

Ada was the last to visit, bringing a small bouquet of flowers with her for (Y/N).

“How is she?” Ada asked, taking a seat in the chair next to Tommy.

“The doctors say she’s stable,” Tommy responded. “They say it’s only a matter of time until she wakes up.”

“She’ll wake up soon,” Ada assured him. “She’s a fighter, remember? A real Shelby.”

This managed to make Tommy chuckle slightly, the first time in days that he showed even the slightest positive emotion.

“I suppose Polly has told the family our surprise announcement,” he said, his eyes trailing back to (Y/N)’s stomach again.

“Only me,” Ada responded. “She figured you two would want to tell everyone when (Y/N) wakes up, but she also knew you’d need someone while she’s still out. Someone who doesn’t have a cock between their legs.”

Tommy smiled slightly again. Polly always knew what he needed, what they all needed. For the woman who never birthed them, she was truly their mother through and through.

“I’m terrified, Ada,” Tommy admitted. “Not of having the baby, but that what I do - who I am - is going to put that baby in danger. I’ve known for years I’m putting (Y/N) in danger, but she’s always insisted she doesn’t mind. It was her choice to be a part of this family and this life, but that baby didn’t get to choose. We’re forcing him into a life of danger, all because of me.”

Ada put a hand on Tommy’s shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze, but she didn’t try to dispute him. Of course he was right, they all knew he was. Every Shelby man knew the risks of bringing a child into the world of the Peaky Blinders, even Ada knew when she gave birth to Karl. But for Tommy it was so much worse. Tommy wasn’t just a Shelby man, or just a member of the Peaky Blinders. He was their leader. He was the one with a massive target on his back constantly. He was the one their rivals would look to first to find a way to gain leverage over him - meaning they would look to (Y/N) and their baby first.

“I’m giving up this life, Ada,” Tommy said, the words coming out just as he made the decision in his head. “All of it, I’m giving it all up. The minute (Y/N) wakes up and is okay to leave the hospital, I’m taking her to the Garrison where we’ll announce she’s pregnant, and then I’m announcing my leave. Arthur can take over for me. Then, I’m taking (Y/N) as far away from Birmingham as I possibly can. Somewhere fit to raise our baby together.”

Ada was smiling at her brother. “I think that’s a perfect idea, Tommy.”

“Do you really mean it?”

The Shelby siblings looked over to see (Y/N) looking over at them, her eyes still blinking in an attempt to adjust to the bright hospital lighting.

Tommy jumped up from his seat and took (Y/N)’s face in his hands, kissing her face repeatedly. She giggled as he did so, before moving her head so he would kiss her lips. Ada stood as well, smiling down at her sister-in-law. “I’m glad you’re awake, (Y/N).”

“I’m glad you’re the first two I got to see,” (Y/N) responded. “Are those for me?”

“Yeah, I brought them,” Ada responded. “An assortment of your favorites. I figured this drab room needed something to brighten it up.”

(Y/N) smiled weakly. “Thank you, Ada. I really appreciate it.”

Ada gave (Y/N) a gentle hug before leaving her alone with Tommy. His touch was still gentle as he took her hand in his. She was still cold, but he was beginning to feel a slight warmth in her fingertips. It was almost like she was coming back to life all at once.

“I’m sorry I jumped in front of that bullet, Tommy,” she said. “Arthur tried to stop me from running into the building, but I knew what you were going to do and I just...I couldn’t let you...”

She trailed off, but Tommy knew what she meant; I couldn’t let the father of my child die.

“You have nothing to apologize for, love,” Tommy said. “I’m sorry I put you in danger, not just that time but all the times before as well. It’s not fair of me to keep doing this to you.”

“It’s your job, Tommy, and your family. I knew that when I married you.”

“But our baby didn’t know that when we created him.”

(Y/N)’s hand trailed to her stomach, the same way Tommy’s often had when he thought about the baby. “Is he okay?”

A smile tugged at the corners of Tommy’s lips. “It is a boy?”

(Y/N) smiled back at him. “Oh, I don’t know, but I have a feeling. Your mum had three Shelby men before she had one girl, and Ada and John have only had boys so far. I figure it only makes sense that we’ll have one, too.”

Tommy brought her hand to his lips and gently kissed her knuckles.

“Did you mean it, Tommy?” she asked again. “About giving up the Peaky Blinders?”

“I meant every word I said,” Tommy responded. “I almost lost you, (Y/N), and I’m not risking that again. I’m not risking losing our child, either. This life was not meant for families, and it’s best to get out before we bring a little one of our own into this world.”

(Y/N) was practically glowing at this news. While she supported Tommy with whatever decision he made, she’d be lying if she said the thought of bringing a child into his world hadn’t scared her. To hear him come to the decision to get out all on his own made her heart feel warm and made her feel happy.

“I love you so much, Tommy,” she said.

“I love you, too, (Y/N). Rest again, love. When you are cleared, we have a lot to tell the family.”

[i-am-robie]

 Thanks to @coffeeshib​ for letting me steal the amnesia + wife prompt... I couldn’t help myself. This is not what I thought would come out (content warning for canon typical violence and injuries), mostly this is just Kara being a whole entire idiot and Alex facepalming and Lena just being glad Kara is there for her, as her fake wife while she recovers from another quarterly attempt on her life:

“Supergirl! You have to go!” Alex is yelling at her as they roll Lena into the emergency room at National City General, but Kara is rooted to the spot - she can’t look away. Lena is pale, too pale, and there’s blood all over her dress, cuts and scrapes and bruises already blooming on every piece of exposed skin. She isn’t moving, isn’t breathing on her own right now; the only air making its way into her body is through the ambu bag being operated by a nurse, as women and men in scrubs crowd around the moving gurney, shouting orders. And all of that is terrifying enough, but it isn’t the thing that’s paralyzing Kara.

The reason Kara can’t move, the reason that she is barely breathing, is that she can’t hear Lena’s heart.

“Kara.” Alex is closer now, she steps gently in front of her sister, dropping her voice so that no one else can hear her. “Kara, you have to go, they’re getting away.”

“Alex - “ Kara takes a step forward, as if to walk around her sister, to head towards the doors that Lena and the medical team are disappearing behind.

“I know, Kara, I know,” Alex says, gentle and quiet. The doors shut, and Kara’s eyes snap away from it to her sister's face. Alex looks as terrified as Kara feels; she’s wearing an expression Kara has only seen on her before when it’s Kara who’s hurt. “You can’t do anything for her right now. But you can get the guys who did this.” She reaches for Kara’s arm, squeezes - the pressure is grounding. “You need to go. You need to go right now.”

So Kara goes.

__________________

She returns seven hours later, after dropping the men who carried out the attack on Lena at the DEO and declining to help in the interrogation. She nearly killed them, doesn’t think she has the stomach to listen to them talk. She’d still been in the field when the hospital reached out to let her know that they’d been able to stabilize Lena, restarting her heart, but that she hasn’t woken up yet. Alex had relayed the message to her, but now Alex only shakes her head when Kara asks if there are any updates.

Her sister pulls her aside when Kara says that she’s going to hospital to talk to the doctors, telling Kara quietly that she needs to go home and clean off her suit. When Kara looks down, she sees that Alex is right. She’s covered in blood - some of Lena’s, some of it the men she’s apprehended, none of it hers. It makes her want to sob.

But when she gets out of the bathroom after showering, pulling on soft joggers and a hoodie, Kara finds that she can’t settle. Every time she closes her eyes, every time she blinks, she sees Lena’s lifeless body in the rubble that had been her office, can feel Lena in her arms the moment her heart stopped, and the fact that Lena is supposedly stable doesn’t help at all because she hasn’t woken up.

What if she never wakes up?

Suddenly, Kara can’t breathe. Her chest is tight, the walls of her apartment seeming to flex and close in on her. Her heart rate speeds up and she’s taking choked half-breaths, clenching her fists and blinking away tears.

She can’t lose Lena like this, not after she worked so hard to get her back. Kara looks at the clock. It’s just after midnight. This is definitely not visiting-hours at the hospital, and Lena’s not awake anyway - but Kara needs to see her. Needs to know she’s alive.

Needs to hear her heartbeat again.

It’s all of this - the panic, the desperation, the single-minded focus on getting to Lena - that Kara will blame later when she’s trying to explain what happens next in the weeks to come.

The hospital is deserted except for the staff when Kara walks in through the main entrance and goes up to the ICU where she knows Lena will be. She heads straight for the desk at the front of the unit when she arrives, and introduces herself to a nurse before asking if she can see Lena.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Danvers,” the nurse says, and she does sound sorry in the face of Kara’s distress, “visiting hours aren’t until ten a.m.”

A man in a basketball sweatshirt and jeans walks past them, he scans a small badge that says ‘VISITOR’ in capital letters on a machine at the end of the desk, and nods at the nurse before he disappears down the hallway.

“He’s visiting,’ Kara tries, her voice bordering on frantic, “he’s visiting and I need to see her, you don’t understand, I’m not going to be okay if I don’t see her. Please, just let me...”

“I’m so sorry, honey, it’s immediate family only after hours.”

“I’m her wife,” Kara blurts out. “Please. I’m her wife.”

“You’re her…that’s not in the notes…” The nurse trails off, looking down at the computer in front of her.

“I’m her emergency contact, I’m her wife, please.”

““Oh, yes,” the nurse starts nodding, “I do see that marked here, they called you when she came in. Hmmm...Someone clicked the wrong box under ‘relationship to patient.’” She moves her mouse and clicks on something, then looks back up at Kara. “I’ve fixed that for you, Mrs. Danvers. Let me print you out a visitor badge so you can just scan it in next time.

Kara can feel her panic recede a little. She’s going to see Lena. The nurse takes a blank badge and feeds it into an electronic printer. She hands the finished product to Kara, then gets up and gestures for Kara to follow.

“Now,” the nurse starts as she walks Kara down the dark hallway, the lights on half since it’s night, “she looks a little rough, but I assure you, she’s receiving the very best care there is. Normally you would have been called for consent before we initiated the hypothermia protocol, but since she had an advanced directive on file already, the team went ahead and started it.”

Kara’s barely listening to her, has started to strain her ears for the only sound she’s wanted to hear all day. She nearly collapses in relief when she finds it, below the beeping and the whirring and the buzzing of the machines, unlike any other beat in the building. Lena’s heart is steady, slower than usual, slower than Kara’s ever heard it, but it’s there, rhythmically thumping away.

The nurse brings her to a halt in front of a patient room, Lena’s name on the board outside with a bunch of notations that mean nothing to Kara. She’ll ask Alex to translate.

“She’ll be cold to your touch, that’s alright,” the nurse continues. “The key right now is to try to stop or slow any of the damage she’s suffered as a result of going into cardiac arrest. She lost a lot of blood, and her left femur is broken, along with her right ulna, but there are a lot of reasons to be hopeful. We’ll know more in the forty-eight to seventy-two hours once the protocol is complete.”

Kara refuses to think about most of this. Lena is alive. She’s alive and she’s right on the other side of this door. She clears her throat. “How long...how long can I stay?”

“As long as you like, dear. We’ll round on her in the morning and if you’re still here you can talk to the attending. Also, we’ll be in to check on her, but most of the monitoring is electronic since she’s in a medically induced coma for at least the next two days. There’s a chair that reclines by the bedside, I can grab you a blanket?”

“Please,” Kara says. She stops with her hand on the door, turns back to the nurse. “Thank you.” It comes out wobbly.

“Of course.” The nurse smiles at her. “Go on in, I’ll be right back.”

_____________________

Kara’s woken up by the medical team the next morning during rounds, just as the night shift nurse had promised. She blinks awake and rubs at her eyes, stretching and going to stand up when the team enters.

“Hi Mrs. Danvers, we saw you’d arrived,” a tall woman in a white lab coat says, walking over to Kara on the far side of the room and sticking out her hand to shake. “I’m Dr. Sheldon. We’ll do our best to bring you up to speed now, I’m so glad you were able to make it last night.” She gives Kara a warm smile. “Believe it or not, it really does make a difference when patients are supported, even when they aren’t aware of it.”

The team walks her through their care plan for Lena, how long she’ll have to remain like this before they start the re-warming process, what they’re concerned about and what they’ll be looking for. Her arm and femur have been set and immobilized, but it’s likely that the femur will need to be rebroken and repaired surgically if and when Lena does wake up. Given the invasiveness of the procedure, the delicacy of her present condition, and the unknowns about her cognition, that decision will keep.

When they leave, Kara texts Alex. If the doctors think that it will make a difference for Lena’s recovery to have her here, then she’s going to stay. She’s owed time off anyway. This is the best use of it she can think of.

Two hours later, the door opens, and Kara looks up from the bed, relieved to see Alex standing there, holding a backpack with the food and change of clothing Kara asked her to bring.

“Oh gosh, am I glad to see you,” she says, letting go of Lena’s hand and standing up. She walks around the bed to where Alex has stopped.

“Yeah, yeah,” Alex says, and she’s frowning at Kara. “You have some fucking explaining to do.”

“What?” Kara stops abruptly.

“What?” Alex parrots. She narrows her eyes. “Are you being serious…?” At Kara’s confused expression, Alex rolls her eyes and reaches behind her to shut the door. She walks over to Kara, pulling some take out from the bag and handing it to her, before pulling up one of the swivel chairs a doctor had been using.

Kara takes the food and goes back to her seat.

“So?” Alex prompts.

Kara looks up from the styrofoam container, already having broken apart her chopsticks. “So what?”

“What do you mean...Kara!” Kara freezes, chopsticks frozen in midair clutching a piece of kung pao chicken. There is real frustration and confusion in Alex’s voice. “Imagine my surprise when I sign in at the front desk and the nurse says that my sister-in-law is stable right now. Wanna tell me why the fuck you’re playing house to visit your best friend in the hospital?”

Kara sets the chicken down. “Alex…”

“Kara, you have ten seconds to explain why the entire staff thinks you and Lena are married and the answer had better not actually involve marriage or I swear to god I’ll…”

“They wouldn’t let me in to see her!” Kara bursts out. “I got here last night and I needed to see her, Alex, I needed to. And apparently it’s immediate family only and I panicked, okay?”

“I’m sorry,” Alex says, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes. “I know Lena is important to you, but Kara, you could have waited ten hours and seen her.”

“I couldn’t.” Kara looks down at her food, not hungry anymore. “Alex, I couldn’t. I almost had a panic attack after you sent me home last night. I couldn’t wait.”

“Oh kiddo.” Kara looks up at that, all the frustration is gone from Alex’s tone. Her sister lets out a sigh. “Lena’s going to get through this and she’s going to get better. And when she does, you have got to tell her how you feel.”

“She’s my best friend.” Kara’s mouth twists. This is not a new conversation, but the stakes seem higher with Lena in the bed beside her, unconscious and battered.

“She is,” Alex agrees. “But she could be more.”

And oh, Kara wants more with every fiber of her being. But more than that, she wants Lena in her life, wants the easy love and affection they’ve finally gotten back to. And she’s been worried about rocking the boat.

“And by the way,” Alex says, pulling her back to the present, “lying to medical professionals is not a good look.” Kara grimaces and ducks her head.

“I know,” she says, glancing at Lena, the ventilator moving her chest up and down slowly. “But they said it’s good for Lena to have someone here, talking to her, holding her hand, even if she doesn’t know. And you know Lillian isn’t going to do that. And Lex is the one who put her here...just let me do this, okay?”

Alex hums. “You’re so lucky I didn’t blow your secret.”

Kara looks over at her sister. “Thank you.”

“Some of us are actually good at lying under pressure. I’m surprised you didn’t tell them she was married to Supergirl.”

“Well I wasn’t dressed as Supergirl.”

“Thank god for small mercies.”

______________________

Lena doesn’t wake up for the next three days.

In the interim, all of their friends visit, but Alex has already warned them about Kara’s new relationship status and other than Nia’s constant giggles, no one comments. Kara doesn’t leave the hospital. She keeps vigil in the chair, occasionally leaving for short periods of time to go down to the cafeteria, or to stretch her legs.

On day four, Alex convinces her to at least go to the DEO to shower and check in with J’onn about  the duties he and M’gann are covering for her.

She’s just getting ready to head back to the hospital when her phone rings.

“Mrs. Danvers?”

“Yes?”

“This is Dr. Sheldon. Your wife has woken up and she’s being evaluated now by neuro, but we wanted you to know first thing.”

Kara has to sit down in the middle of the DEO, the concrete hard and probably cold underneath her, but it’s better than the alternative, which was just going to be letting her knees give out. She closes her eyes tightly. “I’ll be right there.”

She flies back to the hospital, landing in a nearby alley and running into the building with just a touch of superspeed. She makes it onto the unit just in time to see Lena’s care team leaving her room and turning down the hall to the next patient, and as much as Kara wants to get an update from them, the urge to see Lena herself is too much. She walks through the open door and nearly runs into a nurse, who’s moving some of the equipment out, now that Lena is conscious. It’s a nurse Kara is familiar with, her name is Bernadette, she’s been on shift the last two days. Her eyes light up when she sees Kara.

“Your wife is here,” Bernadette says, over her shoulder before Kara can stop her. She smiles warmly as she turns back to Kara. “I’ll leave you two alone.” She slips past Kara and into the hallway.

“My…” Lena’s eyes go wide as she sees Kara standing helpless in front of the now closed door.  Her voice is still scratchy from the extubation. Her hair is greasy and all over the pillow, her right arm and left leg are completely immobilized, there are wires running through the top of her hospital gown, her whole body a tapestry of garish purples and greens and stitches. But she’s awake. Kara has never felt more relieved in her entire life, but it turns to ice in her veins as Lena struggles to speak, clearly confused. “My - my - oh god.” Her eyes start to fill with tears and Kara panics.

“No, Lena, no, it’s not - “ she starts saying, taking quick steps towards the bed.

“Oh god, oh god, Kara,” Lena chokes out, twisting a little in bed and flinching, “they said I only lost a week, they said my memory seemed okay, that there’s no - ”

“We’re not married!” Kara yells out trying to stop the clear spiral Lena is on. Lena’s eyes go wide, but she does stop looking like she’s about to start sobbing. “We’re not married,” Kara repeats, in a normal voice this time.

“Then why…”

Kara winces. “I might have told the hospital staff that we are. Married, that is.”

Lena looks wary, small and weak and confused in the bed, and she’s frowning a little at Kara now. It doesn’t even matter, though, because the feeling of seeing Lena awake is returning with every word she speaks, and Kara feels something in her chest open up. She has to resist walking over and climbing into bed with her and holding her, knows she needs to explain first.

In every single way Kara played out this moment all week in her head, not once is this how it went - she wants Lena to be smiling, to be okay, or at least as okay as one can be after coming out of a medically induced coma, with a number of near catastrophic injuries still to be dealt with. She certainly didn’t imagine she’d be contributing to the disorientation and isolation Lena’s projecting right now.

Lena’s eyes dart around Kara’s face. Kara takes a deep breath.

“The first night you were here, I had to see you.” She starts twisting her hands together, takes another step towards the bed. “And it was late, and even though I’m your emergency contact, they said no after hours visitors except for family and I panicked.”

“You panicked.” Lena sounds like she’s unsure how panic would lead someone to pretend to be married, and honestly, now that Kara is having to explain the decision, she’s not really sure either. The only thing she knows is that she doesn’t regret it. Would do it again, in fact.

“I knew if they thought I was your wife, they’d let me in to see you. And Lena, I had to see you. I had to. You were - “ Kara cuts herself off, can feel the tightness in her chest, closing around her heart like a vice. “Your heart stopped before I could get you to the hospital. The last time I saw you, I didn’t know if - “ A small sob works it’s way up her throat, and Kara’s eyes are burning. She feels a tear break free from her lashes. “I needed to hear your heartbeat.”

An unreadable expression crosses Lena’s face as Kara takes the seat by her bed that she’s occupied for the last week. To Kara’s great relief, Lena reaches out her left hand, lays it on the edge of the bed, palm up. Kara grabs for it with both of her own.

And Rao, the feeling of Lena’s hand, still cold, but undeniably warmer, squeezing back when Kara grips tightly - she doesn’t know how to describe this feeling. It starts a fresh wave of sobs in her, of relief this time, rather than terror.

“Hey,” Lena says, punctuating it with another flex of her fingers around the back of Kara’s hand. “Hey, I’m okay. I’m here. You saved me. I’m okay, see?”

And really, that just makes Kara cry harder.

“I’m supposed to be comforting you,” she chokes out.

“You are,” Lena says, disengaging their hands and bringing her fingers up to Kara’s face, wiping at the tears. “You are, god, I was just thrown. I thought...I thought, it doesn't matter what I thought.” She tries to laugh and ends up flinching.

“Oh no, are you okay, should I call the doctor?” Kara immediately reaches forward, lays a hand on Lena’s hip above the sheets and wipes furiously at her face with the other.

“It’s the broken ribs,” Lena grits out, jaw flexing as she drops her hand away from Kara’s face and back onto the bed. “Fuck that hurts.”

“I’m just so glad you’re awake,” Kara says, leaning forward again and brushing some of the hair out of Lena’s face, trying to tuck it behind her ear.

That’s how Bernadette finds them when she returns, Kara gently touching Lena’s forehead, and rubbing her hip, the two of them so close that Kara might as well climb in next to her.

“I’m sorry to interrupt,” she says, smiling at the two of them. “The attending would like to pop in with the head of ortho to talk about surgical options for your femur. Should I tell her to come back later?”

Kara moves to stand up, she doesn’t want to delay anything about Lena’s care, but Lena reaches for her hand again, and Kara’s powerless to do anything but lace their fingers together and sit back down.

Lena takes a shallow breath, “Can my wife stay?”

My wife. Hearing it come out of Lena’s mouth does something to Kara that feels a little dangerous, makes the room spin a bit. Her heart feels as if it’s expanding and being squeezed at the same time. My wife. My wife. My wife.

“Of course, she’s more than welcome to stay,” Bernadette says. “It’s probably a good idea, actually, now that there are care decisions to make.”

_____________________

“Let me get this straight,” Alex says, her head in her hands. Kelly reaches out to rub her back. “You’re still pretending to be married, and Lena is playing along with it?”

Kara nods. They’re sitting down in the cafeteria while Lena gets a sponge bath, something that Kara is trying very hard not to think about. It’s been nearly three weeks, one major operation, and thankfully no more complications.

And Kara has been here through it all. She’s started leaving for blocks of time during the day (it turns out she didn’t have a month worth of vacation saved up and Alex had nearly had an aneurysm when Kara asked if she was allowed to use family medical leave act time), but she’s spent nearly every night in the hospital with Lena since. The medical team loves them, has started talking to them about how devoted Kara is. Maybe Kara’s playing into it a little, bringing flowers, and Lena’s favorite foods, and always, always touching her in some way when she’s in the room.

“You know they’re going to build her discharge plan around you, right?” Alex squints at her. “Have you considered that?”

Kara flushes. “Actually,” she brings a hand up to rub at the back of her neck, adjusts her glasses for good measure, “we’ve agreed that I’ll just move in with Lena for a little while. She can hire someone during the day, but I’ll be around at night and I can help with the rehab. So, um, it’s fine.”

“You’re both fucking idiots.”

_________________

“I’ve been home for an hour and I’m already regretting every choice in my life that’s lead to this point. This is humiliating.”

“Oh my gosh,” Kara laughs, “no it isn’t.”

“Kara, you’re washing my hair in the kitchen sink because I can’t even wash myself right now with this fucking cast and brace on.”

Kara grins, squirting shampoo onto her hand and setting the bottle down on the marble countertop. Lena is sitting in the wheelchair, left leg propped up on the supports. She’s leaning back with her head over the edge of the sink, rolled up towels supporting her neck and her eyes are closed. She’s frowning, but it’s the frown she wears when she’s trying too hard not to smile. It makes Kara want to kiss it right off her face. She takes a deep breath, instead.

Kara is just so grateful that she gets to see Lena like this, hair stringy from the hospital, oversize sweatshirt with one sleeve bunched up over the top of the lime green cast on her right arm. The post-surgical femoral fracture brace looks uncomfortable, but Lena hasn’t complained about it at all. So, fine, maybe this nearly debilitating urge to kiss her best friend, to ask her if the last few weeks could be real, instead of fake (not the marriage part, not now, anyway, but the relationship part sure), is getting more and more intrusive. That doesn’t mean Kara can’t continue to ignore it until Lena’s better.

She finishes washing Lena’s hair and if she takes extra time massaging in the conditioner and making sure the water temperature is absolutely perfect, well, that’s just being a good caretaker. She sets Lena up in her bedroom, then goes back to the kitchen to clean up 

“Ok, Lena,” Kara says, walking back into the bedroom. “You officially have zero edible things in your apartment. I’m going to make a list and head to the grocery store for supplies, ok? Your next meds can’t be taken on an empty stomach.”

“You’re underestimating my iron constitution.” Lena frowns unhappily in bed. “We can just order some, you don’t have to go.”

“I’ll be back in a jiffy, okay?” Kara smiles at Lena.

Sure, they could order groceries, but she wants to go get them, to pick them out herself, and bring them back. It makes her feel so good to be able to do things like this: wash her hair, go get groceries, make her something to eat. The best part of this whole terrible ordeal is that she’s gotten to take care of Lena, to show her, not just tell her, how important she is to Kara. It warms her up from the inside out.

“You sure I’m allowed to be by myself?” Lena teases, breaking Kara out of her thoughts. “I haven’t been left to my own devices in weeks now. Just imagine all the trouble I could get into.” She raises an eyebrow.

Kara laughs and shakes her head, drawn closer to Lena like a magnet. Lena’s tucked into bed, leg propped up on pillows to keep the brace comfortable, two books on the nightstand beside her, a glass of water within easy reach, and the next round of medications in a small porcelain bowl that Kara repurposed from the kitchen. Her hair is still wet from being washed, and although there are dark circles around her eyes, and her cheekbones are too sharp from the weight she lost in the hospital, Kara doesn’t think she’s ever seen anything more beautiful than Lena right at this exact moment.

She walks over to the bed and sits down next to Lena, reaching over to move the glass of water back from the edge of the nightstand and onto a coaster. “You’re going to be fine. I’ll bet you a whole order of potstickers that you’re asleep when I get back.” She reaches across Lena, adjusts the towel covering up her pillow to keep it from getting wet.

When she pulls back slightly, she’s startled by how close Lena’s face is to hers. Lena is looking at her with such unadulterated fondness, that Kara can’t help reaching up and tucking a wet tendril of hair back behind Lena’s ear. “I’ll be back so soon you won’t even know I was gone.”

“I always know when you’re gone,” Lena says, the corners of her mouth lifting up, her eyes crinkling lightly. Kara’s hand has drifted from Lena’s ear to the back of her head, her thumb brushing gently at the soft skin just below Lena’s jaw.

When she retells the story of what happens next later, Alex will roll her eyes and mutter under hear breath, but Kara will swear this is the truth: without even thinking about it, she leans forward and kisses Lena on the lips, quick and soft, then stands and turns to go, pulling her phone out of her pocket so she can start making a grocery list.

“You can drop the act now,” Lena says, a little stiffly.

“Huh?” Kara whips around, more at Lena’s tone than at her words, and looks at her in confusion. Lena’s face is bright red.

“Kara, we’re - I’m home, there’s no hospital staff to convince anymore.” She sounds a little upset and Kara, feels her forehead crinkle as she replays the last several seconds in her head: she moved Lena’s water, adjusted the towel behind her head, smoothed Lena’s hair, and…

“Oh Rao, oh gosh.” She takes a step forward, then back abruptly, as she realizes that she’s just kissed Lena on the mouth. She puts one hand on her forehead and the other on her hip, spins in a small circle. “Lena, I’m so sorry. I didn’t - ”

“It’s fine,” Lena says, her voice sounding calm and even now that Kara is having a meltdown, but her heart is doing some sort of high speed gallop in her chest and it’s giving Kara the impression that this is not actually fine.

Oh no, oh gosh… “Lena, I’m sorry, - ”

“I get it.” Lena cuts her off, holding up a hand to stop her. “The whole act, it’s a hard habit to break.” She drops her hand to the bed and laughs lightly, picking at the blanket. “Honestly I’m surprised we made it this long without accidentally doing that.”

“Accidently. Yes.” Kara’s nodding so hard, she feels like her head might come off. “It was an accident.” That might be a convenient way of putting it, but it doesn’t change the fact that Kara’s been wanting to kiss Lena, wants it to be as un-accidental as possible. And aren’t accidents things like tripping on the carpet, or spilling a drink at dinner? She may not have been thinking when she did it, but Kara knows there’s nothing accidental about that kiss.

But Lena’s giving her an out, and Kara can’t bring herself not to take it.

“I’m just going to - ” Kara gestures over her shoulder and then she flees.

“Alex, I kissed her.” Kara’s made it outside the apartment, but her heart hasn’t slowed down. She didn’t even bother making a list after walking out of Lena’s bedroom, just went straight to the elevator, dialing Alex before she’d even hit the lobby. Her stomach is squirmy, she feels like she might throw up.

“Finally,” Alex says, letting out what might be a relieved sigh.

“What do you mean finally?” Kara feels hysterical.

“I mean finally, idiot. Watching the two of you for the past three weeks has been the most painful experience of my life, I’m glad you finally did it.”

“She thinks it was because of the act!” Kara nearly yells. A man walking by looks at her, narrowing his eyes and giving her a wide berth. “She thinks it’s because of the act, Alex!”

There’s silence on the other end of the line for a moment.

“Kara Danvers, are you fucking kidding me right now?”

“No,” Kara wails. “I didn’t even mean to do it! Or, well. I meant to do it, but I didn’t know I was doing it. I was making sure she had everything she needed and then I was leaving to go to the grocery story and somewhere in the middle I kissed her! And she got kinda upset even though she said she wasn’t and she says it’s fine because it was an accident. And it was an accident, at least in the sense that I wasn’t thinking when I did it and god I didn’t even ask if she wanted to kiss me, but I meant it, Alex, I meant it.”

Kara can picture Alex right now: that tight, unhappy expression on her face, fingers pinching her nose between her eyes.

“Okay, I swore to Kelly I wasn’t going to do this, but that was before you lost your damn mind and kissed her.” Kara can hear Alex take a deep breath. “You need to go back upstairs right now and confess, Kara.”

“What?” Kara practically screeches. She spins in a circle. “No, this isn’t the right time. I’m supposed to be helping her, I’m supposed to be taking care of her, I can’t put this on her right now. What if she doesn’t feel the same, what if this ruins everything, what if - “

Thankfully Alex cuts her off. “That argument worked before you kissed her and decided to let her believe you didn’t mean to do it. And before you argue with me, you might not have known you were doing it, but you absolutely meant to do it, Kara.”

Kara is now facing Lena’s apartment and gently knocking her forehead against it.

“Kara, I heard that crack, stop headbutting the building.” Kara stops, keeps her forehead pressed to the cool limestone. Alex pauses, and her voice is gentle when she continues. “You gotta tell her, kiddo. You’ve been down the whole lying path with her before and while I don’t think this is the kind of lie that would cause her to try removing our free-will again, I do think that you guys decided on honesty as your way forward. You either own that, or you don’t.”

“You’re right. I know you’re right.” Kara squeezes her eyes shut. “If we can get through that, we can get through this.”

“That’s the spirit. And hey, if for some reason things don’t go well and you feel like you can’t stay with her? Kelly or I would be happy to swap out for you tonight. Just in case you need some space.”

“Thanks, Alex.”

“But Kara, I think you’re gonna be just fine.”

Kara doesn’t feel much better when she hangs up with Alex, but she knows her sister is right. She’s got to tell Lena.

And to be honest, Kara can’t imagine a world in which Lena would be upset with her for having feelings, regardless of whether they’re reciprocated. They’ll be able to work through this, even if it hurts for a while. She’s had friends fall in love with her before, and she’s always been able to keep them as friends afterwards. God, maybe Winn has some advice for me, she thinks.

So Kara takes a deep breath and goes back inside. Groceries can wait.

She’s trembling when she lets herself back into Lena’s apartment. It’s nerves, anticipation more than anything. She’s about to confess something that she can’t, won’t take back and it will change things between them, even if only for a while.

Lena looks up from her book when Kara makes her way back into the bedroom. She sets it down beside her hip on the bed and cocks her head.

“Well that was fast. Did Supergirl get my groceries?” She gives Kara a smile.

“I’m in love with you.” Well that’s one way to start this conversation. “And I didn’t kiss you accidentally.”

Lena’s smile drops, her eyes widening in surprise. Everything about her seems to freeze.

“Before you say anything, I need to get this out. I’m not telling you because I’m expecting anything. I don’t want anything to change, I mean, I do, clearly, but I don’t if that’s not what you want.” Kara squeezes her eyes shut and looks at the ceiling. She really should have thought this through. “I’ve known for a while, actually, I was just worried about what it might mean, if you didn’t feel the same way.” She drops her gaze back to Lena. “But then you almost died. And I pretended to be your wife. And I was planning on telling you once you’re totally recovered. Except then I kissed you without even thinking about it and I can’t lie about this, Lena. It isn’t good for either of us. So. Yeah. Just. Tell me what you need.”

Lena’s looking at her with an expression Kara can’t read, but she doesn’t look unhappy, or afraid, or upset...

“Kara, do you remember when that nurse told me my wife had shown up?”

“Yes,” Kara says, frowning, because she doesn't understand where Lena is going with this. “Of course I do, you were panicked that you’d experienced severe brain damage.”

Lena shakes her head, pats the space on the bed next to her.

Kara feels a weight lift from her shoulders: no matter how this goes, if Lena is asking her to come closer, then they’re going to be okay. She walks across the carpet.

“You’re right,” Lena says as Kara comes closer, “I was worried, but that wasn’t the only thing that made me panic.”

“What else was it?” Kara sits down and looks at her lap, bringing her hands together to fidget. She can feel Lena’s body heat next to her, but she doesn’t want to reach out unless Lena does it first. “Was it the idea of being married to me?” She laughs. She can laugh about this.

“No, darling,” Lena says. She reaches for Kara’s hands, smoothing her fingers across them to still them. Darling, that’s a good sign, right? “Kara, as terrified as I was that there was more damage, my first thought was that somehow I’d lost memories of us: of you falling in love with me, of dating and first kisses and someone proposing and a wedding.” Lena pauses and Kara stares at their joined hands. She hears more than sees Lena take a deep breath and let it out. “I’ve been in love with you for so long it broke my heart to think that those things had happened and I couldn’t remember them.”

Kara whips her head around to look at Lena. Her best friend is smiling, and her eyes are a little wet like maybe she’s overwhelmed and might cry and oh gosh, does Kara understand that feeling right now.

“You love me,” she says, feeling her own eyes start to fill with tears.

Lena nods.

“You’re in love with me,” Kara can’t help clarifying. This is something out of a dream.

Lena nods again.

“Can I…” Kara reaches for Lena’s face, trails her knuckles down Lena’s cheek and watches in awe as Lena leans into the touch.  “Can I kiss you now?”

“Yes,” Lena breaths out, smiling, and it’s blinding. “But only if it’s not an accident.”

[mediocreauthor]

nana komatsu: how we surpass trauma to survive

tw: rape, sexual assault 

I recently wrote the way Hachi didn’t acknowledge or deal with her rape was one of the most realistic portrayals I have ever seen, whether that was Yazawa’s intention or not. 

Now you can say how Yazawa portrayed certain issues was wrong and potentially harmful for many young girls who read NANA and saw incredibly damaging behaviors brushed over or not even portrayed as bad. And you would be correct but this post isn’t about NANA’s affect, but rather story itself. 

The morning after Hachi’s pregnancy was revealed, which I consider as a turning point of the story, Takumi raped Hachi. I really don’t want to sugar coat or be poetic about this, he raped her. Now, I have been seeing some posts excusing Takumi’s actions therefore I will explain why this is considered as rape. 

In chapter 29, we don’t see Hachi explicitly saying no or fighting back, but hesitant and reluctant because Nana is right next door. Takumi first tries to convince her and when Hachi remains hesitant, what does he tell her?  “You should worry about making me angry.” I am paraphrasing but the message was this. Hearing this, Hachi gives up and people might think she ‘lets’ Takumi do whatever she wants therefore it’s okay somehow, it’s not. 

I read this somewhere and I want all of everyone to read it as well: A ‘yes’ only has value when someone is comfortable enough to say ‘no’. Hachi’s unwilling ‘yes’ means nothing because she was just very openly threatened by Takumi. Hachi, alienated from her friends, knowing Nana sees her as a traitor, Nobu as a cheater, Hachi who had no support for her baby, was given a clear ultimatum by Takumi, the only person she had by her side: if you don’t give me what I want, I will hurt you. You will be left alone. So she does. And then she doesn’t even acknowledge it as rape. She is angry and distraught after but it’s for the strawberry glasses and she just looks slightly annoyed with Takumi. That’s all. Where is that dramatic aftermath we usually see in media, where woman cries, breaks everything within reach then stares blankly at the ceiling?

Because most rape aftermaths don’t look like that. I am BY NO MEANS saying women whose experiences was as I wrote above as invalid. Most rape cases aren’t reported, we know that. But there is also a heartbreaking amount of women who can’t even decide if they have been raped or not. Women, who are  haunted by a certain memory but always pushing it to back of their minds.  I believe Hachi is one of them.  There is a high possibility Hachi was unable to register it as rape but we -readers can observe the effects of it through her behaviour. Hachi is terrified of Takumi. Fans give her so much shit for not contacting Nobu, even Hachi called it out of selfishness and no action is done with one mere emotion, but she also avoided it out of fear of angering Takumi. 

Hachi’s fear of him is displayed plain as day during Shin and Reira’s birthday party. Hachi knew she has angered Takumi by staying at the party, she even considers divorcing him and her inner monologue was pretty brave and promising. So what changed when Takumi knocked on Nana’s door? I would like to break down what for me, is one of the most disturbing scenes in NANA.

This scene right here, is a cry for help for someone who can recognize certain patterns in abusive relationships.

Hachi was in a good mood right before this scene, Nana even pointed out she was too cheerful for someone in the brink of a break up. However, at presence of Takumi, she immediately caves and apologizes for doing things without his knowledge while at the same time, still offering a way out. This way out isn’t for Takumi, it’s for her. I am %100 sure if Takumi said ‘okay go live your own then’, even though sad, Hachi’s predominant emotion would be relief.

She is terrified of Takumi. Hachi is unable to escape this unless he gives her an out. She regretted her ‘choice’ of being with Takumi the morning after but she had no one or nowhere to go. Now, you might think ‘she could’ve gone back to her parents!’ or ‘she could’ve lived on her own’ and I want to counter with: abused people’s mind don’t function like that. Even though you are somewhat aware that you are being treated badly, taken advantage of, it’s pushed way back in your mind. Your world consists of only you and your abuser, you can’t think of options simply because you don’t see any. 

And your abuser makes you believe what they are doing isn’t a big deal. They treat you with kindness right after abusing you while not acknowledging their behavior to leave you disoriented and unsure about the weight of what you have experienced. What Takumi did to Hachi was exactly that. So what did she do? She surpassed it and moved on.

‘I didn’t allow it for the sake of our future, but because I wanted to escape the terror and anxiety of that moment’ Read this sentence over and over again and process it. If I read one more take about how ‘what Takumi did wasn’t that bad compared to other NANA characters’ I am going to fucking slap them with this panel. Hachi learned that disobeying Takumi is pointless. She allows it even when considering separation, why? She is paralyzed by fear.  Because she tried to object Takumi once and learned her lesson. Obedience is so much easier than what you might face with your abuser. You bend and cave, do everything in your power to avoid their wrath. It’s safer.  Admitting that you haven’t received the best treatment from someone who is supposed to cherish you is an act strength by itself. I do not blame any victims of abuse who don’t want to admit or process their trauma. It’s hard, it’s terrifying and frustrating. Being able to process your trauma is a luxury most women don’t have. Hachi doesn’t have it with a belly up her nose at the age of 21. She is in a vulnerable position and don’t think even for a second Takumi isn’t aware of it. 

Next day, Hachi greets Takumi by the door as usual. Their home life becomes pretty stable since she takes all his micro aggressions,  his snarky comments and belittlement with slight annoyance, still with humor. Because the other scenario is losing herself. She surpasses her trauma to maintain her sanity. 

Why do I love this? 

Because a lot of women do exactly this. A lot of housewives who stick with their husbands despite years of abuse, young girls with their boyfriends do this. Because I read NANA at the age of 14 and didn’t even understand what Hachi went through but rereading it at 23, with what I have seen made me sob. Whether Ai Yazawa’s approach was irresponsible or genius I don’t know. But I took something valuable from it and if any minors or young adults especially are following me, I want them to recognize these patterns and behaviors too. 

And what should never be done is to take this tragic coping mechanism and turn it into an excuse to diminish your favorite rat boy’s behavior. You can keep saying what Takumi did wasn’t bad based on Hachi’s reaction, be aware it’s a survival instinct, not nonchalance.   To sum it up: Hachi is a survivor and what she lived through was just as sad and tragic as other characters, and  I am fucking sick of people invalidating it because she coped with a smile.