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nanshii-doruu · 18 days ago

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RANKING NANCY DREW GAMES BY ACCOMMODATION: A VERY SUBJECTIVE LIST

Recently I’ve been enjoying vote4holt’s YouTube ND game rankings. He covers the major aspects of each game: story, characters, puzzles, music, atmosphere and endings, with one big final ranking video at the end. It covers most aspects of the game, but it got me thinking: what other things can we rank the games on? I mean, you can make a list about damn near anything that’s featured in all the games, but one thing that always gets my attention is accommodation. I’m very interested in temporary accommodation from a thematic standpoint, and I’m actually working on a book which will be a collection of my hotel stories, half of which are real, and half of which are made up. Nancy’s adventures definitely inspired some of it.

IMPORTANT NOTES

I haven’t played MID or KEY, so they aren’t ranked. I might add them when I get around to it. Also, I haven’t played a couple of these games for a while and/or I’ve played them only once, so some factual errors may be present. I welcome corrections and/or comments!

I will be evaluating the accommodations based on several factors: comfort, aesthetic, security, and how irritating any roommates you have might be.

There are actually three categories of accommodation. They are: Not Relevant (i.e. we don’t know where Nancy is staying); Limited Info (i.e. we know where Nancy is saying but we don’t see it in its entirety); and Luxuriously Demonstrated (i.e. we see Nancy’s room and can interact with it). You might be wondering: how can you rank places you can’t see? Easy – I’m going to predict what the accommodation MIGHT be like, and rank based on vibes!

These are going to be VERY biased to my taste. There are several things I value in accommodation that you may feel differently about. I am no outdoorsman, and I value comfort, privacy and safety in my temporary accommodation, with cool aesthetics following swiftly behind. Therefore, these values will inform my list. I didn’t realise this would be the case so much when I started it, but it became clear as I started writing. That’s not a bad thing per se – in fact, I hope you vehemently disagree with a few of these! Tell me what you think!

Finally, I tried very hard not to let my feelings about the actual games slip in, but it becomes inevitable at some points. Atmosphere is a big part of this ranking, and a lot of my favourite games have good atmosphere. That said, this is in no way a ranking of my favourite games.

I will overuse the word “cosy”. Also, I’m a yapper, so this is LONG.

All right? Let’s go!

NOT RELEVANT

The Final Scene – I’m imagining a regular corporate-style hotel for this, and honestly? I’m into that. I might as well reveal this now: I LOVE hotels. Even the most boring hotel is magical for me still. I think it’s because I never stayed in hotels frequently as a child (all our holidays were in rented cabins/houses, not hotels), and I don’t have a job that allows travel with hotel stays. Consequently, a hotel is an enormous treat, even the most basic place. Oh, someone will change my linens FOR me? Incredible! There’s a clean bathroom? How wondrous! A continental breakfast? Ambassador, you are spoiling us! Hotels can be kind of a nightmare for some people, because it’s stressful to be out of your home, and if you have concerns about hygiene and security then I’m sure it’s even more stressful. Still, I think there’s something slightly wonderful about a room that’s only yours temporarily.

Labyrinth of Lies – history may show I’m not overly enamoured with this game, but you know what? I’ve mellowed a bit over time. I haven’t replayed it (no way to redownload my original purchase and I’m not inclined to spend money on it again), but I think @aniceworld had a point in his game ranking. It’s probably intended to be magical realist, and it’s far from the worst offender in the unrealistic category. I stand by the opinion that this era of the series is too self-serious to get away with the extent of wacky nonsense the premise needs to work, but the game probably wasn’t worth the dragging I gave it. All the same, I have no plans to replay it lol. ANYWAY. We don’t know Nancy’s digs in this game, but based on previous entries I’m willing to bet her accommodation was either a) whatever the Greek equivalent of a Motel 6 is b) an unrealistically gorgeous boutique hotel with fabulous mosaics and views overlooking the Aegean sea or wherever we’re meant to be or c) a homestay with a quirky Greek family consisting of a stressed out mother, her cheerful father in law and her precocious young scamp of a son, all of whom need us to do culturally-enriching errands constantly. Fingers crossed for Nancy’s sake it was b).

Secret of the Old Clock – we never find out where Nancy is staying despite the setting being an inn. Was she staying here? I don’t entirely remember, but I don’t think so. The inn looks great, but given the circumstances it’s probably best that Nancy stay off-property. Fuck it, she’s staying at the Deer Mountain Resort. I’m picturing it kind of like Old Faithful Inn, even though I know that’s nonsense geographically speaking – historic, charming, outdoorsy and cosy.

GIVES US LIMITED INFO

Trail of the Twister – this is of a genre of places to stay I like to call “staircase with nothing to see at the top”. As a scientific observation post, the rooming situation here is likely spartan and utilitarian. I’m picturing camp beds with sleeping bags on top, or else some kind of bunkbed scenario a la DED. This would actually be kinda fun if any of the characters in TOT were in any way the kind of people you’d enjoy having a sleepover with. I guess between WAC and SAW, Her had overspent their ability to create characters who were actually interesting – or who at the very least, had interesting interactions with each other. Top asshole prize goes to the loathsome Debbie, who manages to be both boring and annoying, with her constant “Nancy! Time to go to bed!” whenever she’s done running you ragged for the day. This could have (theoretically) been a fun, cosy place to stay while you watch storms from the window, and instead it’s just sort of nothing. Kind of a microcosm for the game.

The Haunting of Castle Malloy – trying not to let my thoughts about the game infect this one, so I’m trying to imagine a version of Castle Malloy that somehow doesn’t include Kyler Mallory. It’s much nicer. Anyway, the vibes here are of course immaculate, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a nice place to stay. It’s probably dank and draughty in the castle – Kyler calls the tapestries mouldy and it’s hard to know if she’s exaggerating. I can believe it. I bet Nancy’s bed was suspiciously damp.

Sea of Darkness – the inn looks nice enough in a practical, backpacker sort of way, but this one loses points for the very real and horrifying possibility that Nancy is sleeping in one of those eight-bunk hostel rooms. On its own this is a fine way to spend a trip and I too have indulged in the ol’ mystery roommate selection pack game, but I am on entirely the wrong side of 30 for this to hold any appeal any more.

Ghost Dogs of Moon Lake – we see the cabin, and we can adjust the time, but I’m taking points off because we don’t see Nancy’s room. Still, based on the rest of the cabin, it’s hard to believe it’s anything more than a basic sleeping bag on an uncomfortable mattress. Did you ever do activity trips in school? I had to go on a couple. I remember the mattresses being basically the same as those mats you have in gym class, blue and shiny and full of foam. If I tried to sleep on one now it would turn my spine into a loose stack of pebbles. I’m convinced that the bed in DOG is exactly this brand of discomfort. Oh, and I bet you have to go outside to use a terrible chemical toilet, and there’s no shower and you have to use one of those solar backpack ones that weighs the same as a hefty toddler. This is probably a 10/10 for people who love the off-the-grid experience, but much lower for those who do not care for it (me. I’m those). I do like the idea of a cabin in the woods, but this is a bit too rustic for me. At least it’s private.

Secrets Can Kill – okay full disclaimer, I haven’t played the original OR the remake, hence the low rating. I am simply not convinced I would enjoy it. Based on YouTube playthroughs though… boy is Aunt Eloise’s apartment hard on the eyes. I’m actually willing to go easy on them though because I think I can imagine the look they were going for (that sort of 80s/90s American Victorian Nancy Meyer look that looked a bit better in STD and MHM) and I actually like that aesthetic, so I’m chalking it up to graphical limitations. In the remake they really did stick to those acidy colours rather than go for more subdued jewel tones though, so idk. Aunt Eloise is probably a very unforgiving host, and I bet the whole place smells like band-aids. OH and I was going to avoid the whole “haha it’s the worst cos it’s in Florida” thing cos that’s some low-hanging oranges, but actually I think this kind of interior design (fussy upholstery, heavy wood, carpets) would be pretty hard to deal with in a climate like Florida’s. Literally the only reason this beats DOG is because an indoor bathroom is a deal-breaker for me, and I simply do not believe the cabin has one. THEN AGAIN, if Aunt Eloise’s personality is anything like her decoration taste, maybe pissing in a ditch ain’t that bad.

Stay Tuned For Danger – Mattie’s apartment has a similar aesthetic to Aunt Eloise’s apartment, but it does look a bit nicer. I’m giving it a higher score because I’ll take a fancy NY apartment over one in Florida any day.*

*apologies to any Floridians, I have visited many times and I love you guys, but dear lord your climate is a lot to deal with.

Ransom of the Seven Ships – listen I suffered half of this game only once so my recollection isn’t amazing and my hackles were immediately up when I started thinking about this one. But you have to admit, a beach resort on a tropical island sounds incredible on paper. And it should be, really – an eco resort? Snorkelling, animals, and sick-ass sunken ships to explore? Sounds incredible! I don’t believe we actually confirm where the gang’s rooms are, but the resort looks lovely (and it’s not like I can buy the game again to check). Now, the lack of owners or staff? Not so lovely. If I recall correctly it’s explained as the off-season, but still – there should be SOME people around, even if just for maintenance (like, what the entire plot of The Shining is hinged on). This would have actually made for a small cast of intriguing suspects. Why didn’t Her do this???? Now I’m just getting mad about the game. Hackles up again.

Creature of Kapu Cave – not all that dissimilar to the last in that both are beach resorts, I suppose, but the culture is obviously different. This one only gains points for having an actually staffed resort, and because the place is beautiful despite all the nonsense the game throws at us – though it loses some as well for the inherent scumminess of the Hawai’ian tourist industry. Having said that, if we were to dissect the scumminess of all tourist industries present in the games, we’d be here for a long-ass time.

Danger By Design – another of Nancy’s apartment shares, this time with Jing Jing Ling. Again this one gets points for location alone. Call me a cliché but I do love Paris – as with all big cities you need to drop your preconceptions and go with what the place is giving you, and you will always have a good time. Place Monge is a nice area, and it’s right next to the Jardin des Plantes and the National Museum of Natural History, two of my favourite spots. The apartment itself is perfectly nice, maybe a little dark but still a lot prettier than a fashion model would reasonably have – though its main appeal is definitely the constant smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies. JJ would be a pretty difficult roommate, though. Entertaining as a compulsive liar can be, there would come a point where she pretended she had no idea what happened to the jambon beurre in the fridge that you were saving for lunch today, and the friendship would be over.

Secret of Shadow Ranch – even if you’re not outdoorsy, there’s still a lot to like about Shadow Ranch! The charmingly eclectic interior design, the beautiful Native American arts and crafts, and one thing that all good accommodations should have – a kitchen! Shorty’s creepiness aside, there’s nothing cosier than whipping up dinner in a big, comfy kitchen as the sun goes down, fire crackling in the grate, friends gathered around to hear a ghost story… We don’t get to see the bedroom (and in fact, there’s no real logical place for it to be – there’s no door inside that could lead to it, so you must have to go outside to get to the bedrooms?) but I’m picturing beautifully carved wooden headboards and more of those cosy blankets. The established risk of rattlesnakes and scorpions in the room does give me pause, but the vibes are too immaculate to rank the ranch any lower.

Legend of the Crystal Skull – aight I can fully admit this is so high up because of how much I’m using my imagination to fill in the gaps. From Bess’s POV we see a gorgeous balcony overlooking some primo New Orleans real estate. It’s raining, it’s pouring, it’s ambient, and the only thing we know for a fact is that Bess had a great bubble bath there. Ooohoooohohooooo. What an enticing picture you paint, Her. I imagine the hotel to be one of those old-world turn-of-the-century Belle Epoque builds with a renovated interior – y’know, smooth dark wood and soft white sheets, waffle robes, the whole shebang. The thing that really pushes it up, though, is the weather. Two of my fondest hotel memories involve storms, and they also both happened in the USA – one at the Omni Parker Hotel in Boston, and one at the Royal Pacific in Universal Orlando. In both instances it was raining heavily, with thunder and lightning filling the sky, so going out wasn’t an option. Both times me and my compadres got snacks, put on a podcast, and kicked back and watched the storm until it passed. I imagine Nancy and Bess did this the night after Nancy closed the case.

Last Train to Blue Moon Canyon – this made-up scenario JUST beats out my made-up CRY scenario because it’s a train. It’s a fuckin railway car, from an era when railway cars still looked beautiful.* We’re moving through the night with a mystery to solve… but wouldn’t it be nice to retreat to our cabin instead? Wouldn’t it be dreamy to retire to a vintage rail cabin? It’s a dark night and our route is so scenic, so wouldn’t you rather get into the soft, comfy bed by the window, lie back, and watch the landscape pass by moonlight? If you’ve never done a night train before – do it. It’s a wonderful travel experience. I’ve only done two, and both were somewhat utilitarian (Amsterdam to Prague, which I loved but our two adjoining cabins had slightly less space than your average sardine tin; and Edinburgh to London on the Caledonian Sleeper, which was fancier but still not Orient Express class). Being rocked to sleep by the motion of the train… nothing like it in this world. I imagine the train in TRN is meant to be more on the level of super luxury trains, like the modern Venice Simplon Orient Express, or the Seven Stars in Kyushu. It’s not a modern train so the amenities wouldn’t be up to these luxury experiences, but the atmosphere alone would be more than worth it (and, as Lori is meant to be wealthy or at least connected – who knows! Maybe she had it updated).

*This is of course a joke. All railway cars are beautiful.

LUXURIOUSLY DEMONSTRATED

Alibi in Ashes – this is ranked lowest because as far as I’m concerned it doesn’t count. This is Nancy’s home (and it’s very nice). In terms of the actual mystery, Nancy has some not great accommodation in the form of the jail cell.

The Shattered Medallion – it’s only fitting that this wet fart of a game has accommodation to match. We’re camping, and I’m trying to let my venomous hatred of camping slide – and I really think I could, if only the game had been good. If a game like SHA or CUR had Nancy sleeping in a tent I could have forgiven a lot for the sake of atmosphere, but this game has no such grace. It’s not even AESTHETIC.

Tomb of the Lost Queen – there are a few things that make this accommodation very unappealing, and they are: camping (subjective on my part I know, but c’mon. I assume no one camps because they think it’s comfortable); sharing with strangers (generally high risk, but especially in a Nancy Drew game, where you could be sleeping mere feet from someone who will shank you for the slightest gain); and the environment (dear lord I would be dead in minutes here. I’m a white Celtic redhead, I am not MADE for the desert. I am made for rain, pillaging, and carving strange things into rock). Still, all things considered, there are bedframes here, the canvas looks sturdy enough, and your tentmates aren’t as bad as they could be (Debbie).

The Ghost of Thornton Hall – one of the best games, but Nancy’s set up is not ideal. She has a sleeping bag in a decaying mansion, with prime views of Charlotte’s haunted door. It’s a gothic fantasy, but it’s not going to be comfortable in person. No word on the toilet/shower sitch, but you just know it was awful.

Secret of the Scarlet Hand – a regular, boring hotel, but tbh I love that (see above). I bet the aircon was bountiful and the continental breakfast slapped.

Danger on Deception Island – another great game where the sleeping setup is pretty bad. Staying on a boat, sharing a tiny cupboard with Katie Firestone (whomst I do not find very compelling, if you do then god speed), and you have to sleep in sleeping bags head-to-head? Nope. The toilet/shower situation definitely sucks. It’s probably a good thing that we never see Nancy turn in for the night, otherwise I do not doubt that Katie would have an insane sleep hygiene routine and Nancy would fantasise about strangling her in the night. Still, the vibes are great, and I’m sure many of us have dreamed of living in a boat.

The Curse of Blackmoor Manor – my bias is entering here and I can fully admit that. There are a few “Nancy stays in a luxury bedroom” games, and this one might be my least favourite. It’s mainly because Blackmoor Manor is so fuckin’ ugly. I’ve joked about this before, but even as upper-class old-school maximalist households go (and there are a lot of them IRL), Blackmoor Manor is SPECTACULARLY hideous. I know some of the ugliness is part of the puzzles, but omg HER you couldn’t have made the entryway less of an eyesore? The hallways more aesthetically pleasing? Nancy’s room less of the kind of space you’d avoid if you were having a migraine? It seems like the bed is nice, and we can get food delivered (which I always like in a game), but the constant interruption of Nancy’s sleep really pulls this one down.

The Phantom of Venice – while the idea of a plush hotel room in the Floating City is certainly appealing, I fear that the design didn’t really hit a home run here. IMHO the décor of Nancy’s room is WAY too dark and heavy for somewhere like Venice, and I find that offputting. This would definitely work in some games – in fact, if this had been Nancy’s room in CUR, I would be a happy camper. Still, you can’t say it isn’t luxurious. I’m sure plenty of people love this one, but the lowish ranking is because I don’t think the aesthetic suits the area, or even the game, particularly well.

Warnings at Waverly Academy – as anyone who has lived in a dorm can testify, dorm living can actually be very nice. Waverly Academy is gorgeous, though probably somewhat plusher than what actual boarding school dorms look like. My only experience is doing summer day camp at a couple of boarding schools as a kid, and generally I think rooms tend to have more than two occupants and be pretty aesthetically underwhelming, even when the main school building is gorgeous. Anyway, the rooms in WAC seem pleasant, cosy and full of creature comforts, but (as with TOT) it really ultimately hinges on who your roommate is. And Corinne is… well, sort of a lot. She doesn’t quite hit the heights of irritating quite like some characters do (Debbie), but I also feel like she’d keep breaking the silence as you tried to sleep by asking “so, do you think I’m cool?” or “haha guess what Nancy it’s past midnight, it’s tomorrow!”

The Deadly Device – I’ve never stayed at a research lab, but if I ever do, I really hope it looks like this one. The bunkbed looks peaceful and comfy, there’s a private bathroom, and the rec room honestly seems great. If it weren’t for the mystery at hand, I’d enjoy myself napping, cooking and playing Aggregate here.

The Haunted Carousel – another bland hotel, though we see a little more of this one and (as I’ve said) I’m kind of enamoured with these. As in, I have deliberately played this game while staying in hotels like this, to enhance the ambience. I don’t know, I guess I was wired wrong. The room service menu really brings this one up, though – cheeseburgers and pasta (the two best foods of all time) straight to the door? It’s all I dream of. You also have the option of burning the whole thing down, which is a bold move on the developers’ part.

The Silent Spy – well, here we have the closest I’ve ever come to staying in a bona fide ND location. The station in the game is, I’m fairly certain, inspired by a mixture of Glasgow Queen Street (has some of those smaller archways that lead to the platforms, and leads onto a main square) and Glasgow Central (older brick station with a hotel attached). The IRL hotel attached to Glasgow Central is the Voco Grand Central Glasgow, and it does bear some resemblance to Glaucus Lodge in architecture and interior design. My room was nothing like Nancy’s, but it was cosy and pleasant! It is also very nice to be right on the railways station, and there’s something slightly magical about a special exit for hotel guests. Anyway, reality aside, this is a very nice hotel. I have a pet peeve in luxury Scottish hotels (very specific I know) where it’s all just tartan and antlers and tweed – designed for rich tourists, and not very representative of actual Scottish art and culture. Glaucus Lodge is sort of bland luxury, but it doesn’t do that, and I’m kind of grateful for it. There however is a sense of always being on edge in the room that loses it a few points with me.

Message in a Haunted Mansion – another of Nancy’s fancy bedrooms. This one gains points for the Victorian chinoiserie, but loses some for a lack of security in the game (that scary-ass note slipped under your door). Still, I wouldn’t say no to a stay in a San Francisco Victorian, and I bet once the mystery was solved Nancy slept like a baby in that bed.

The Captive Curse – I don’t have huge amounts to write about this one, but I really like it. The dark wood and red colour scheme work well here where they didn’t in VEN because of the spooky/nighttime atmosphere. I love a four-poster bed (you ever sleep in one? ooooooh baby it’s a cool soothing balm for all the angst you had as a teenager that you weren’t actually a Gothic heroine living in a decaying manor on the moors), and I really like the lighting in this room. It’s so glowy and cosy. I would love to work at the desk here, looking out of the window and hoping no monsters shamble on by…

White Wolf of Icicle Creek – this game isn’t perfect, but one area it does do well is the bedrooms. Even though DOG is a much better game, this cabin is far more my vibe. I’ve always enjoyed the National Park Service rustic style of architecture and design (hence my earlier reference to the Old Faithful Inn), and though we’re in Canada I think the aesthetic is similar enough. It would of course be a lot nicer if you weren’t always zipping around doing grunt work, but it’s still such a pleasant, cosy place. I like to imagine it has outdoor hot tubs and stargazing pods. The snowed-in vibes are also a big part of what makes the atmosphere so cosy. This is a good place to stay. Maybe get a full staff in, though, not just some teenager run off her feet.

Shadow at the Water’s Edge – I’ve always dreamed of staying in a ryokan, and SAW’s ryokan is REALLY beautiful. In fact, there’s literally one reason why it isn’t number one for me, and that’s how there’s not really a safe place in the whole ryokan – you get menaced in your room, in the halls, in the bathroom (in the BATHROOM), and even the garden is creepy as heck because the soundtrack follows you. All that said, I still love it and I would stay here, ghost or no ghost. The bedding just looks so comfy and soft, the garden is beautiful, I love the idea of being able to take cultural lessons there, and I need to lower my disgusting body into that hot spring bath right now. And, a SURPRISE BONUS LOCATION: Yumi’s apartment! Small and overpriced it may be, but Yumi says she loves it and you can really tell. A cute, cosy little bolthole in the concrete jungle of Kyoto. Mwah.

Treasure in the Royal Tower – snagging the top spot is Her’s fourth game, and the first one to really knock it out of the park. It’s amazing how good the ambience is considering the game’s age, but let’s put that aside and focus on Wickford Castle as a place to stay. Oh, boy. I love it. Nancy’s bedroom is comfy and cosy without being too fussy, there’s so much to explore, you have a whole ass library, AND it comes with a historical mystery? And that’s before you remember that you can (normally) do winter sports here, too. I would love nothing more than to return from a wintry walk and cosy up in front of the fire (sans Lisa, RIP see you in hell) with a good book and some hot chocolate hand-delivered by Jacques. The catering situation could probably be better, but it’s not bad enough to kill the vibe. Absolutely lovely.

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javierduffy · 2 months ago

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just a few javieran horse headcanons because i like them a normal amount

branwen

- tall AND fat. kieran makes sure he’s always fed (maybe even accidentally a teensy bit overfed. just because kieran can’t help but indulge him when he butts him with his head or nuzzles at his pockets when he knows there’s treats in there. but never too much because ‘obesity is a problem, even in animals !’). probably about 17hh, taller than average for a kentucky saddler but nothing too big. especially since kieran himself is quite tall

- VERY well-tempered, both naturally, as well as because kieran has literally made him bulletproof. bagged him, blanketed him, stood, jumped, backflipped onto and off of him. this kindly gentleman of a horse only spooks when he wants to be bratty specifically.

- i think he’s about 6 or so, came from the stables kieran worked at after being orphaned, he was just a colt when kieran was just a kid. kieran learned how to birth foals quickly, and branwen happened to be one of them. with the way that they fell in love with each other and the way that branwen whinnied and pranced up to the fence when kieran came back to buy him after the army didn’t work out, you’d think that horse was born just for him.

- his favourite treats, in order, are rutabaga (kieran’s secret for branwen’s glossy coat. also why he’s kinda fat.), boiled potatoes mixed into his oats, apples, and fresh greens. he’s simultaneously incredibly easy to please because of the simplicity of the latter parts of his favourites list and also very needy and complicated because kieran so loves to make his pony happy with his absolute favourite treats, so he tries his very best to get branwen’s eccentric tastes pleased once falling into the VDL’s.

- i always say “a horse’s favourite thing to do is hurt itself”, and i think this statement holds relatively true for branwen as well, though there’s a 25% chance that he’s actually hurt, a 50% chance that he’s only mildly injured or spooked and he’s playing it up to get kieran to dote on him, and a 25% chance that he will protect kieran with his life when they’re in a dire situation (see: snake on the ground or gunfire nearby. or even god forbid a spare tumbleweed find it’s way rolling nearby.) despite kieran’s last wish being his horse getting injured. branwen thinks that he’s gotta be The Man and protect his dad sometimes. it does not help in any situation ever whatsoever.

- branwen is the PERFECT companion for a trail riding date. he’s settled, calm, has a great gait, and as a gelding, truly is not worried about other horses being “faster” than him, so he never gets rowdy nor has any problems when partner riders/horses crowd him. kieran is allowed to ask for as many kisses as he pleases because branwen will never jump when javier’s gold-tipped boots poke him in the side and boaz irritatedly flicks his flank with his tail. truly a goated wingman. also never complains about long rides, and enjoys being out of camp with his rider for as much as physically possible for both of them, so he’s never barnsour in either direction.

boaz

- as an american paint, he’s naturally short and stocky. saddle ends up being a bit loose, though, as javier isn’t as dedicated to keeping him perfectly fed or groomed. he loves him, sure, but horses are somewhat of tools to him, so he kinda does slightly more than bare minimum to keep him kempt and healthy. around 14.5hh, slightly shorter than average and quite dense with muscle

- temperamentally a bit volatile. this horse has just as much drama as his rider, if not a little more. doesn’t like something ? ridden too long ? that stick looks too much like a snake ? hasn’t spent enough time with kieran that day ? he will snort and grunt and bunny hop if javi isn’t on him, and shudder hard enough the saddle shakes underneath him if he is. boaz likes to please his rider, but he also demands pleasure himself, and has no issue with “accidentally” placing a hoof on his owners nice, intentionally clean boots, and subsequently slowly leaning more and more of his weight onto it when he doesn’t immediately get what he wants. bratty pony. generally, he keeps javier safe, though, when it comes down to it.

- around 5 years old. after dutch found javier trying to steal chickens the first time they met, he soon took him back to that ranch and their first take as gang leader and member was a 1 year old grey paint colt for javi to train and subsequently ride. until he was rideable, javier rode a morgan that was formerly hosea’s, named carolina, while he lead boaz everywhere behind him.

- favourite treats, in order, are corn cobs (especially dried), prickly pear fruit AND cactus, sugar cubes, and sliced apples. will force javier to share his maiz with him. javier has always sliced his apples up since he was a colt, not only because javi simply finds comfort in toying with his knife, but also because boaz will not eat them otherwise. javi will also cut all of the spines off of the cactus before letting boaz eat them.

- in terms of injury, boaz is the most dramatic tank on the planet. this horse could arthur morgan-style run face first into a tree and then fall off a cliff and walk it off. but not before he gimps and limps and whines and teeth grinds his way into javier leading him instead of riding him for the next mile or two. once kieran started taking care of him, there is also a 25% chance of boaz faking a terribly painful injury just to get kieran to dote on him.

- kinda the worst wingman ever LMFAO easily annoyed, easily aroused, easily offended, and as a stallion, HAS to walk in front of the “herd” (his rider’s boyfriend and his horse). pins his ears back, smashes into personal space, flicks branwen with his tail (and preferably kieran, if he can reach him) even sometimes will nip at branwen if the latter tries to calmly make this date a date and not a life or death race (whoever loses, their dad is gay) and walk side-by-side to aid their riders’ hand holdings. will make executive decisions via stopping or veering off for fresh green grass beside the trail, will at points actively attempt to shudder javier out of his saddle (has succeeded once when javi was distracted by a story being excitedly told by kieran), and will also spook and take off running so fast javier thinks it must have broken his neck from the velocity. generally makes trail rides a living hell, but kieran finds it charming, and it makes for some cute shoujo-style “omg … *reaches out to help you up after your horse bucks you off because he saw a log that looked nothing at all and everything like a cougar and pink and white soft bubbles surround me* are you okay ? here, let me help.” moments. maybe some day boaz will be allowed off of the national american terrorist list written by javier “rizzless rider” escuella

ok im tired and that’s all i can think of please enjoy and feel free to contribute 👍 i love them so bad im gona cry