#Hatchetfield Daniel

[eli-am-confused]

I’ve seen some people add Officer Bailey into the Jon Matteson character family tree as one of Richie’s uncles and I love it so much. But why stop there? If we really wanna joke about how big this family is why not add more Curt Mega characters into it?

Curt’s shopper from Black Friday? Yeah he’s one of Richie’s uncles and he and Gary talked about who was gonna get a Wiggly doll for which kid.

Eddie Chiplucky is a very distant relative from the south and he actually looks out for Daniel in the ring (shhh I don’t care if it’s accurate to the show we’re having fun here).

Hell even President Howard Goodman is distantly related to these people! I know because I saw pictures of him as a little kid in the huge family photo album Paul keeps on a random bookshelf in his living room.

Is Duke Keane related to them? Who knows! Definitely not him!

I’m just saying that like half of the adults in hatchetfeild are Richie’s (also Trever’s and Daniel’s) uncles and I love that for him (them).

[vilnmelling]

The Matthews-Goldstein-Lipschitz-McNeils

While I make some more alignment charts, voilà, here's my rendition of the Jon Matteson family tree!

Gary and Paul are brothers, and they have an older sister who my sister and I definitely didn't name after Jon himself. There's quite a big age difference between the siblings, with twelve years between Joan and Paul (Gary's somewhere undecided between there).

I've seen many people headcanon Gary as Richie and Trevor's dad, but I just canNOT see that man raising children. Plus, the surnames don't match up. Speaking of surnames, though, Gary changed his on his own accord, purely for his lawyer brand. "Gary Matthews" just didn't have the right ring to it.

Joan has three sons: Trevor, Richard ("Richie") and Daniel. Trevor and Richie are twins (Trevor is eleven minutes older, I don't make the rules). Paul used to be saddled with babysitting the trio, and as a result, he's very close with his nephews, even now that they don't need babysitting anymore. He's especially close with Richie. BONUS: Trevor is the reason Paul had to see Godspell at the rec center. Trev was in it, and he also thought it was awful (in a fun way).

Since Black Friday tells us two of Linda's sons aren't Gerald's, and Lauren has confirmed that Linda and Gary have had at least one affair, we put two and two together and now Gary's the biological father of Trent and Seaton. (Seaton was picked at random, and Trent being Gary's child was just obvious). Whether or not Gary knows this is up to interpretation. It's possible Linda's the only one who knows.

Wallace McNeil and Boy Jerry are brothers and the cousins of Joan, Gary and Paul. Wallace got the f*ck out of Hatchetfield the moment he had the possibility to. Girl Jeri converted Boy Jerry into such deep Christianity, but then he took it further than she ever had.

Due to Lauren confirming Linda and Gary's affair/s (whether it was a joke or not, I take that as canon now), Roman Murray and the Monroe family aren't a part of this family in any official, legitimate way (*cough* looking at you, Gary and his illegitimate children *cough*).

For reasons I hope are obvious, Wiggly isn't included either.

Now just imagine the family gatherings. Summer barbecues, where Trevor takes every opportunity to reference the Barbecue Monologues. Christmas celebrations that Boy Jerry is specifically asked not to show up to. He shows up anyway — even the time they didn't tell him at whose house they were celebrating. Birthday parties where no one has any idea what to buy the birthday person. What does Paul get Trevor the theater kid? What would Boy Jerry get Richie the anime nerd? What does anyone get Paul the Normal Man?

[honeyspawn]

He gets typecast as blue.

[just-some-normal-jessica]

woe. jon character lineup be upon ye

individual sillies under the cut

[eldritch-ace]

I love Hannah so much, I know she had to leave Hatchetfield in Yellowjacket, but it made me so happy that she got some buddies. I think it’s supposed to happen closer to 2016, so I think they’d still be into Pokémon GO :P

[kmesons]

some hatchetfield character art requests from discord! love drawing the inhabitants of this strange little (?) town.

[cool-loser]

While making all of Jon's characters related is funny what's funnier to me is that they all just so happened to have the same face

So one day at Beanies they all just so happen to be there at the same time and they don't notice at first until Emma looks around and is holding Paul's coffee but can't distinguish which one is paul anymore

They all look around and have this weird standstill

Of course, Richie is like, "Oh my God, I'm a clone"

Then Paul 23 walks in and hears that and immediately turns and walks out

[summon-us-once]

I love the hc that all of Jon’s characters are related cause on one hand you’ve got this loser anime dweeb but in the other you have this unhinged lawyer. But then you’ve also got the most basic guy to ever exist then you have some kid with super powers AND you also have a religious virgin with a murderous inhumane son who lives in the woods, and I’m not even going to include what might happen if you try involve wiggly somehow. It’s just so crazy (I love it so much)

[jamie-is-out-of-ideas]

everyone in the hatchetfield fandom coming to the conclusion that all of the human characters played by Jon Matteson are related is probably my favourite thing about this fandom /pos

[wardback]

I made a thing

The jon matteson alignment chart

[itsdefinitely]

ruth was told how everyone was related to each other but she didn't retain that information at all so she's useless when pete asks her for help

[eli-am-confused]

More family members gossiping at the reunion.

Yes I’m posting more stuff about the Jon Matteson (+ Curt Mega) character family tree. This time including more Jon Matteson Characters!

I went to bed thinking about this last night btw.

Bonus: Ed knows when he’s being talked about and Peanuts will hear about it. They interrupted his nap.

If you can’t read it’s all under the cut.

First picture-

Boy Jerry: Little Ed has a son? But he was so good at being celibate! I can’t believe he’s a dirty sinner now!

Officer Bailey: I didn’t even know he knew how to talk to girls.

Daniel: guys, it’s a squirrel.

Second picture-

Officer Bailey: Oooh! Yeah that makes way more sense!

Boy Jerry: taking care of another one of Gods creations in need, he’s such a good child of the Lord unlike the rest of you.

Daniel: Hey! I’m just 15!

Third picture-

Proud Papa Ed: Someone’s talking shit Peanuts. I bet it’s Bailey.

[vilnmelling]

Jon Matteson family tree headcanon, anyone?

Emma found out about each of Paul's relatives separately.

First Emma scratched someone's car, and while they were discussing what to do about it, Paul said, "If it comes down to it, I can get in contact with Gary." "Gary Goldstein? You're on a first name basis with the only lawyer in town?" "Yeah. He's my older brother."

A couple of weeks later, Emma's talking about the rare instances when she actually remembers something about the Beanie's customers, and she mentions a guy with really weird and greasy, anime-like hair. "Huh. I didn't know Richie liked Beanie's." "Who?" "Richie. My nephew. With the anime hair."

An ad for Camp Idontwannabang comes up on TV, and Emma recalls her horrible summer at Camp Idontwannabang as a teenager. Then Paul pulls out the, "I'm glad I never had to go. My cousin's one of the counselors — well, one of the directors now — so my parents decided I shouldn't have to spend an entire summer with him." "Boy Jerry's your fucking cousin?"

While on their way somewhere, they run into Daniel outside the Roller-rama. Emma's like, "God, I feel like I've seen that kid outside the Roller-rama ten times." "Yeah, Daniel goes there a lot." "Why the fuck do you know his name?" "He's my other nephew."

Finally, Paul brings Emma to a family gathering, where she spots the identical Lipschitz twins, who she's always assumed to be the same person when she's seen them separately. "There's TWO of them?" "Yeah, that's Trevor. My third nephew."

Skip forward another few weeks and there's something on the news about politics and so forth. "That secretary of defense looks a bit like you, Paul. What's he; another secret brother?" "No." "Yeah, I know, I'm just messing—" "Wallace is my cousin."

[bazzleman]

the magical kids ever honestly

[second-best-sibling]

Hatchetfield as text posts part 5

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

[aliceisaperson]

It honestly makes me kind of sad that I never hear anyone really talk about Daniel outside of the Jon Matteson family tree thing. I mean he’s just a little adorable guy and I love him and we should talk about him more