#HUMANS BECOMING COOKIES IS CANON NOW

[sunseed-fandump]

SCREAMING

SCREAMING

SCREAMING

PUNCHING THE AIR PUNCHING THE AIR PUNCHING THE AIR

[storiesforallfandoms]

santa's sister in law ~ bernard the elf;the santa clause

word count: 4292

request?: no

description: in which he is adamantly against the in laws coming to the north pole, until he meets santa's sister in law

pairing: bernard the elf x female!human!reader

warnings: christmas fluff, sylvia sucking a little bit but that's just canon

masterlist (one, two, three)

Merry Christmas everyone! 🎄

a special christmas gift for @omeletdreamer 😌

Bernard was firmly against Carol's family coming to the North Pole. He liked Carol, don't get him wrong. She was a fantastic Mrs. Claus, and he loved her idea to start an elf school at the Pole. He understood that it was hard to adjust to life at the Pole, especially while she was pregnant. But bringing outsiders there was a big no-no. They were already pushing things by letting Laura, Neil, and Lucy in on the secret of Santa.

But all of his protests fell on deaf ears. Santa wanted Carol to have her family while he was going to be busy, and the other elves just wanted Carol to be happy. It was a thousand against one. So, Santa got into his sleigh and flew to get Carol's parents while the elves fixed up the Pole to look like Canada.

"This is never going to work," Bernard said to Curtis. "There's no way they're going to think this is Canada. Even if they believe these ridiculous store signs, they'll never believe Canada is inhabited by a bunch of children."

"Can you not be so negative for once?" Curtis asked. "It'll be fine."

"We are seriously pushing it with how many people know about the Pole and Santa. You can't blame me for being stressed out over it."

"Everything will be fine, Bernard. We have a plan. We got this."

Bernard huffed a sigh and walked away. He was tired of being brushed off like this. He didn't become head elf for nothing. He knew what he was doing. If only someone would just listen to him.

As he was walking away, he heard something in the distance. He looked up to see Santa's sleigh breaching through the entrance to the Pole. He couldn't see them yet, but he imagined Carol's parents in there, asleep from Sandman's magic, expecting to wake up in "Canada". He cringed to himself. There's really no going back now.

"I need a hot cocoa," he muttered to himself.

The kitchen elves were busy baking away when Bernard walked in. Carol had told them her mom's favorite cookies so they were hard at work making a batch to welcome Mrs. Newman. They were wearing comically large chef's hats pulled down to cover their pointy ears, which made Bernard glad his hair was long enough to do that naturally.

"Hi Bernard," Abby said, giving him a bright smile upon noticing him. "Want a hot cocoa?"

"I'd love one, Abby," he responded, sitting down at one of the tables.

She rushed off to make it for him. He picked up a cookie from a plate in the middle of the table to eat while waiting. Abby returned with his hot cocoa. He blew on it, disturbing the steady steam coming from the drink. He hoped that escaping to the kitchen would give him some time to prepare for Carol's parents.

He was taking his first sip of his hot cocoa when the kitchen doors opened again and in walked Santa, Mrs. Claus and her family in tow. Bernard nearly choked on his drink.

"And here's our kitchen," Santa was saying. "Oh, and Bernard's here too! Bernard is my, uh, he's my...assistant."

Bernard tried not to roll his eyes at the title.

He reluctantly stood and plastered a smile on his face. "Hi, nice to meet you...eh."

Carol's dad shook his hand while her mom pulled him in for an embrace. Bernard wasn't prepared for a third person to approach; a young woman with a smile so beautiful it left him speechless.

"This is my sister," Carol said. "We didn't know she was coming too."

"I'm (Y/N)," the woman said. "Mom and dad mentioned they were coming for a visit, so I asked Scott if it was alright for me to tag along."

"Of course it would be alright!" Sylvia cut in. "Scott's already had Carol from us for so long, he'd never say no to bringing Carol's loving sister with us to finally see her again."

Sylvia had a smile on her face but there was venom in her words. (Y/N) cringed and tried to ignore her mother's comment. "It's really lovely here so far. I'm glad I could come."

Bernard was still tongue tied. He kept opening and closing his mouth like an idiot trying to figure out something to say. (Y/N) was watching him, waiting, while Scott and Carol shared an amused look.

"Let's show you the rest of the place," Carol said, putting an arm around her sister. "We'll meet up with Bernard again later."

(Y/N) smiled and waved goodbye as the group left the kitchen. Once they were gone, Bernard felt like he was freed from a spell. He let out a long breath and slumped back down to the table. His hot cocoa had cooled down enough that he finished the rst of it in two gulps.

~~~~~~

Bernard was up late that night doing his rounds of the workshop. All the other elves had left for the night, but Bernard was often the last one up making sure everything was shut down and nothing was left out of place. With the in laws visiting, he was also making sure the workshop was locked up so no one would accidentally wander in and discover everything.

He was preparing to leave when he noticed the door to the kitchen was slightly ajar. He was sure all the baker elves had left for the night, but maybe someone had stayed behind. He poked his head into the room and almost gasped aloud when he saw it was (Y/N) who was leaning against the counter, a mug of hot cocoa in her hands. She was in her pajamas, clearly preparing for bed. Bernard was about to back away and leave her be, until she looked up form her mug and caught him. She smiled and waved to him.

"Good evening, Bernard," she said.

There was no escaping now. He stepped into the kitchen and cleared his throat, trying not to seem as weird as he had earlier. He discretely made sure his ears were tucked away under his hair.

"Hi," he said. Simple, easy. You can't mess up a "hi".

"What are you doing up so late?" she asked.

"I could ask you the same thing."

She giggled. "Touché. I was having trouble sleeping so I decided to come out for a hot cocoa. That nice baker, Abby I think? She offered to make me one before she left. I was told she makes the best hot cocoa in all of the town."

"Oh, she does. She's the one you go to when you want a good hot drink made."

"She works magic, I'm sure."

Bernard tried not to let his smile falter. "You have no idea."

A silence fell over them. (Y/N) softy blew on her hot cocoa before taking a sip from it. A small trail of foam stuck to her upper lip as she pulled her mug away. Bernard couldn't stop himself from chuckling.

"What?" she asked.

"You just...you have something..." He gestured to his top lip.

She ran a thumb along her top lip, only smearing the foam more.

"Here, let me." Bernard reached up and wiped the foam off with his own thumb. He was suddenly very aware of their closeness when he looked into her eyes. Any words he could ever say were stuck in his throat yet again and he could only imagine how insane he looked, staring at her with wide eyes.

"Thank you," she said. "And thank you for having us here, too. I know it's a busy time of year for you guys. We don't mean to impose."

It took Bernard a moment to remember the story they had been telling Carol's parents: that Scott was a toy maker in Canada and that's why he would be so busy this time of year and needed someone to be there with Carol while she was pregnant.

"It's not imposition," Bernard assured her. "If anything, I think it's going to make Sa - Scott feel better to have you guys here for Carol while he's working."

(Y/N) nodded. "It's very nice of him to have us here considering how my parents tend to treat him."

Bernard thought back to the comment Sylvia had made earlier. The strained relationship between Scott and his in-laws wasn't anything new to him. Scott had mentioned it a few times before, most recently when he was voicing his concerns about bringing Bud and Sylvia to the Pole with Bernard in private. It was evident that both Newman sisters also noticed how their parents treated Scott, and it seemed neither of them were too happy with it.

"I understand why mom and dad get upset," (Y/N) continued. "One minute Carol was a proud principal at the local middle school, and then the next thing we know she's writing us to tell us she got married to a guy we've never even heard of and moved off to Canada to be with him. I mean, even I was skeptical then. But when she'd write to me about Scott and about being here, it was clear that she was so happy and she found the man of her dreams. Who are we to judge the quickness that they got married? As long as she's safe and happy, which she clearly is. But mom and dad don't see it that way. Dad is still convinced that Scott is a cult leader who stole Carol away or something."

(Y/N) paused and looked at Bernard. He had been listening as she spoke, just nodding along and not saying a word. She chuckled a little and shook her head. "Sorry, I'm rambling on about my family drama."

"No! It's-it's fine. Trust me, I've heard similar stuff from Sa - Scott."

She gave him a look. "You keep stuttering on Scott's name."

"Yeah."

He couldn't think of a better explanation besides that. He felt an unfamiliar burning sensation in his cheeks. He wasn't sure if it was embarrassment or just from being so close to her that made him feel that way. She giggled, though; a sound more beautiful than any of the twinkling bells that were often heard around the Pole.

"I'm just glad to be here," she said. "And I'm glad mom and dad can be here for when the baby is born. Maybe that will help them be a little less harsh on Scott."

She finished what was left in her mug and looked around the oversized kitchen. When Bernard realized she was probably trying to figure out where to put the dirty mug, he said, "Oh, I can take care of that for you."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. You're our guest, and I can handle this."

She smiled and passed him the mug. "Well, thanks for talking to me, Bernard. I guess I should try to sleep again."

"Goodnight, (Y/N)."

"Goodnight, Bernard." She started towards the door, but then paused to turn back to him. "I hope you're not too busy tomorrow. I'd like to spend more time with you."

His face was on fire as she left.

~~~~~~

For the first time in his thousands of years as the head elf, Bernard wasn't concerned with his head elf duties. Of course he was still there if Santa needed him, but he decided not to spend the entire day in the factory and to seek out (Y/N) to spend time with her. She was delighted to see him and was more than happy to accept his offer to show her around "Canada" for the day.

This became a regular occurrence for a few days. Bernard would make sure to check in often to see if he was needed, but if he wasn't he was with (Y/N). He would feel bad about taking her away from her time with her family, but it seemed her parents were more concerned with fussing over Carol than they were about all four of them spending time together. And (Y/N) also assured Bernard that she was making time for Carol and her family as well as spending time with him.

Bernard was more than well aware he was falling in love with (Y/N), and he was also more than well aware of how bad that was. Elves falling in love was nothing new; he had officiated quite a few elf weddings in his time. But falling in love with a human was out of the question. Elves were immortal, humans were not. Scott and Carol were different - upon becoming Santa and Mrs. Claus, their aging processes had slowed down considerably. They weren't completely immortal, but they weren't aging as fast as normal humans did. But that wasn't possible for a human that an elf fell in love with. Even if (Y/N) felt the same way towards Bernard, she would still continue to age while he would stay the same for the rest of time.

But he couldn't stop himself. He was falling fast and hard. Carol's due date was creeping closer, and once it came it would only be a matter of time before the Newman family would have to go back home, meaning that (Y/N) would leave and likely would not come back. That thought hurt Bernard.

Bernard was approaching where (Y/N) was staying one day when she slipped out of the house instead. He was surprised; she had never left before he had gotten there before.

As he got closer he realized that her face was tearstained.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

(Y/N) jumped and turned to look at him. "Oh, Bernard. Sorry, I didn't see you coming. Nothing's wrong."

He was about to point out that she was very obviously upset over something when the door opened again and Sylvia slipped out. She looked like she was about to say something, but she noticed Bernard and gave him a tight smile, one that he had come to learn was very much her fake smile.

"Hello, Bernard," she said. "I was just having a conversation with my daughter. We were talking about spending the day with Carol. We haven't had an all girls day since we arrived. So, unfortunately, I don't think she'll be able to spend time with you today."

"No mom," (Y/N) said. "I said I would join you later for girls time. Besides, you know Carol has an appointment with the doctor. She won't be ready till later."

Her mother was smiling but her eyes were glaring daggers into the younger Newman girl. (Y/N) held the glare before turning to Bernard and taking hold of his arm. She didn't say anything as she dragged him away. He followed anyways, wanting to get as far away from Sylvia as he could.

"God, I don't understand what is wrong with her," (Y/N) said, letting go of Bernard long enough to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I swear she just doesn't want Carol and I to be happy."

"What was she saying?" Bernard asked.

"Oh, she was going off about the fact that I spend so much time with you. Had her usual rant about Scott taking her precious daughter away from her and dad, and then said she'll be damned if she lets it happen with me too. Basically tried to guilt me into not spending time with you today by saying that Carol was upset that she didn't get to see me much, which I know isn't true because just the other day Carol was saying how happy she was that you and I were getting along."

She shook her head. "I'm so sick of it. It's like she can't wrap her head around the fact that maybe, just maybe, life is so busy here that Carol doesn't always have time to visit. It has nothing to do with Scott being manipulative or a cult leader or whatever conspiracy her and dad have cooked up on a certain day."

Bernard listened in silence. He felt bad that (Y/N) had to have these issues with her mother. Carol was hearing it all now, but he was sure (Y/N) heard much more of it when she was back home with her parents.

None of the Newmans could ever understand the way things were with Carol and Scott. They could never know why things were like this, but they likely wouldn't understand even if they knew.

Unless...

It was an idea that shocked even Bernard that he had it. Head elf of the North Pole, Santa's righthand man himself, considering such a thing? After being so against Carol's family coming to the Pole? It was preposterous. But his brain was so clouded by love for (Y/N) that he wasn't thinking proper.

"Come with me," he said. He didn't wait for an answer, just took hold of her hand and pulled her towards the workshop.

His heart was pounding so hard he could feel it in hips pointed ears. He had to remind himself there was no going back. This was going to be huge, and it could likely get him into a world of trouble.

He opened the doors to the workshop and (Y/N) stepped in. She looked around in awe at the working elves, most of which were not hiding their ears as the workshop was supposed to be off limits to the Newmans. None of them seemed to notice the two of them enter, and if they did, nothing was said.

Bernard watched (Y/N), nervously waiting for her reaction.

"Is this...what I think it is?" she asked him. "No, it can't be. I must be dreaming. I fell and hit my head and now I'm in a coma having a very vivid dream that all of these small people who are supposed to be Canadians have pointed ears like they're elves."

When she looked over at him, Bernard had taken off his hat and allowed his ears to peak out from under his hair.

"I've lost it," she decided.

"You haven't," he assured her. "All of this is real. It's why Carol hasn't been able to visit as much, or why you couldn't visit until now. Look, there's so much to know about all of this. So much that I want to tell you but technically I can't because there are strict rules about humans knowing about the North Pole."

(Y/N) had another quick moment of shock that she was able to very quickly recover from. "Rules that you're currently breaking by showing me...Santa's workshop. By admitting that you're an elf, these are all elves...oh my God, my sister is Mrs. Claus."

"It is all very complicated," he said. "But you deserve to know that Carol is truly happy here. She's not being held against her will, Santa isn't manipulative or holding her captive. He loves her so much that he risked you and your parents finding out about him - about us - so that all of you could be here for her while she's pregnant."

(Y/N) still seemed to be stunned. She looked around the bustling factory again, her eyes wide with wonder.

"Wait," she said. "But...if you all went through so much to make us think this was Canada, to keep who Scott is a secret...then why are you telling me now?"

Because I love you. Because I want you to stay. Because I want to be with you more than anything, even though I know that will never happen.

"Because I want you to know the truth," he replied. "About all of this. About...about me."

She was looking at him. He didn't know what else to say, so he just looked back. He waited for an answer. He willed her to say something, anything.

She didn't say anything, though. Instead, she leaned forward and kissed Bernard. It was quick, almost hesitant, and when she pulled away she looked embarrassed.

"Sorry," she said. "I...should I have done that? I should've asked first. Was it okay that I did that?"

He smiled. "It was more than okay."

"Okay. I'm...I'm going to do it again, if that's still okay."

Bernard chuckled and moved in to kiss (Y/N) first. He had only ever kissed one person before - when he was young one of the other elves had gave him a quick peck on the lips and ran away afterwards. Not exactly something glamorous or anything like that. So he was a little worried about whether or not he was a good kisser. Although, something felt so natural about kissing (Y/N), like he could never do it wrong even if he tried.

He paused when he realized a slight hush had fallen over the workshop. He and (Y/N) pulled away to see that all the working elves had stopped what they were doing to look at the two of them.

"Back to work!" Bernard commanded. They all quickly fell back into what they had been doing before. "Bunch of gossips, all of them. Everyone in town will know about this by nightfall."

"I don't blame them. I'd assume it's not every day that they see an elf kissing a human."

He chuckled. "No, I guess not."

They decided to step out of the workshop to talk more in private. (Y/N) looped her arm through Bernard's as they walked, a gesture that suddenly felt much more intimate than it had before.

"I guess it goes without saying that I can't tell anyone about this," she said. "Not even my parents."

"No. Which I know is a big ask, but we can't have the secret of Santa going around," Bernard explained.

"Not like anyone would believe me. They'd think I was crazy if I went home talking about how my brother in law is Santa and how I started crushing on one of his elves. They'd sent me to an institute for sure."

Bernard smiled at her word choice. So she had liked him this whole time, too. Had it been obvious? Or had she been trying to contain it just as much as he did?

"How...would things work...for us then?" she asked.

It was the question he was dreading. The one he continued to ask himself despite knowing the answer to: it wouldn't. He couldn't let (Y/N) hold on to him when she left the Pole. She'd likely never see him again, which was for the best.

Seeing the look on his face, (Y/N) stopped. "No, do not tell me it's not going to work."

"It can't work, (Y/N). There's too much complications between a human and an elf being romantically linked. It's never happened before, and for good reason."

"There's a first for everything."

He shook his head. "No, there can't be a first for this. I can't let you throw away any other romantic opportunities you have for me. We may never see each other after this visit."

"My sister is married to Santa. There's no way I'm not coming back after this. And besides, long distance relationships are a thing."

"This one would be...very long distance."

She slid her arm from his and took his hand in hers. "I'm willing to try. I like you too much to give up without a fight."

Every rational part of his brain was screaming for him to stop. He could not let things go further. It was better for her if they ended everything after that first kiss and went hteir separate ways.

But the less rational part of his brain was louder than the rest, telling him not to give up this chance at happiness outside of work. He deserved to love and to be loved, just like anyone else in the world. If it worked for Scott, it had to work for him too, right?

He sighed and squeezed her hands. "It won't be easy."

"I don't expect it to be."

"You won't be able to be here a lot unless you're willing to give up everything the way Carol did."

"That's fine, we can make that work."

"And if you do end up coming here permanently, you can't tell anyone who I really am, or who Scott and Carol really are. You'll have to lie to everyone in your life. Is that something you can be okay with?"

(Y/N) stepped closer to him so that their noses were nearly touching. "I'm already lying about Scott and Carol. What's one more lie about the man I love?"

Love.

It was enough for him to abandon all hope at resisting her. He closed the space between them, kissing her again so passionately that it made her head spin. She wrapped her arms around his neck to steady herself, while he wrapped his arms around her waist.

He could've kissed her forever. He could've stood there, wrapped around her and her wrapped around him, the cold nipping at them but barely bothering them, forever. He wanted to take this moment and freeze it, to never have to go back to his busy life as Santa's right hand elf ever again.

But she pulled away first, resting her forehead against his.

"I did promise my mom a girl's day," she said with a sigh. "And I think if I blow her off for this, she'll probably actually kill me."

"I guess I'll have to let you go then."

But he didn't, and she didn't let go of him. They laughed and kissed again.

It would be another several minutes before he would finally (and reluctantly) let her go.

[rhiannonsknife]

IM BAAAACK life has been creatively rotting my brain but i reappear! this time not with smut (rip but it will be back) but with mind-numbing fluff

i've been thinking a lot about the fact that rhiannon is painfully lonely in canon and it always makes me go insane and crazy... i need to be the one to show her the affection she's been craving for so long! it starts off small - making her coffee because you notice how she always brings coffee to her coworkers with no thank you's. then you start bringing her little gifts, small things like staplers or hole punches that you've heard her complaining about because the ones she's been given don't work. it's at this point that she's already head over heels for you, and you've barely done anything but show her human decency. you don't even have to think about your response when she asks you out on a date; it's an immadiate yes. when the two of you start dating, you always find a way to go above and beyond. flowers in a nice vase when she gets a raise at work, a bath drawn with a bath bomb and candles because she texted you that she wasn't feeling well, and frequent date nights with the best wine you can afford. she's not at all used to anyone in her life being this kind to her, and the first few times you show her affection, she busts out into tears (and even after that, she gets misty-eyed every time). you just love her so much that you want to make sure that she gets treated like she should've always been treated this whole time

also making the executive decision to sign off with 🪐 from now on

welcome 🪐 anon!! <3 i adore your thoughts omg!! seeing you in my inbox never fails to make my day!!! 😁

this is something i think about alllll the time!! my number 1 love language is definitely either gift-giving or acts of service but like…i‘d go CRAZY with these for rhiannon!!! i could fix her guys!!

she’s so startled to find that first coffee on her desk that marks the beginning of your relationship. her eyes would be so wide in surprise. sure, she’s been the one to make coffee for her colleagues all the time, but not once had anyone acknowledged that, let alone bothered to return the favor. ever. but you’ve seen her. of course you have. your heart had ached for her every time she’d brought coffee for her coworkers only to be ignored all over again. it was about time someone did something nice for her.

her reaction, however, has you wondering how long it truly has been since somebody did something for rhiannon. anything at all.

she’s sputtering on and on about how you “didn’t have have to do that” and how she’ll “definitely pay you back” for going out of your way to bring some good coffee from the café down the road instead of the shitty kind from the office’s machine.

from this point forward, you always bring her coffee whenever you go out for your break. it becomes your little routine: walking past her desk, calling out her name, and watching how her head will instantly snap in your direction. the smile she flashes you every time is what gets you through your shifts. you learn rhiannon’s coffee order by heart before you make up a nickname for her that only you ever use so she'll know you're approaching just be the way you're cheerfully calling "rhee" through the office. you learn, over time, that she’s got a massive sweet tooth and start bringing a cookie to her coffee as well.

it becomes your thing. something the two of you share in the otherwise rather boring everyday life. if rhiannon is still out by the time you come back, you’ll leave the things on her desk and she will know that you’ve thought of her when she comes back. she could quite literally combust whenever she gets back to a warm coffee and a snack left for here because for the first time, someone cares!! someone sees!! just when she thinks she couldn’t fall even more in love with you from afar, you come up with yet another thing to brighten up her days: she hadn’t thought anyone would overhear her cursing the cheap hole punchers everyone’s been given until she finds a brand new, perfectly working one along her coffee one day.

she looks at you from across the room, clearly in disbelief, and just barely catches your knowing smile as you quickly turn away.

when you start dating, shortly after this incident, it is only because rhiannon finally has it in herself to approach you: she is so nervous to talk to you that she literally has to give herself a mental pep talk before approaching your desk at all. on top of that, she's too flustered to actually call it what she wants it to be -a date- and you have to take over, sensing her endearing nervousness. “i was- uhm- well i was wondering if you’d wanna come grab a coffee? i was about to leave but i think your lunch break is about to start too, isn’t it? not that i was like- stalking your lunch break schedule, or whatever! i just thought it would be nice…” she's blushing like crazy, ready for immediate rejection. instead, you smile at her and ask: “as a date?” god, rhiannon could melt right then and there!!! she would, but you instantly get up when she confirms this, so there's no time to.

after this, there’s quite literally no stopping you.

once she’s your girlfriend officially you make it your job to ensure rhiannon never feels lonely or invisible ever again. that first time she comes home to you being there, it’s already enough for her to feel appreciated: to come back to a house that actually feels like home with somebody waiting for her. and that’s before she walks in and sees all that you’ve prepared for her: homemade dinner, candles set up on the table, a fresh bouquet of her favorite flowers…

rhiannon starts sobbing instantly. you’re so worried, thinking you’ve overstepped or done something wrong to upset her. that is until she wraps her arms around you and covers you in kisses, hoarsely thanking you for the surprise. “i don’t deserve you” she claims through the tears. “i really, really don’t deserve you”

but of course she does and, of course, you’ll do it again. whether it’s by “small” gestures like sending her playlists of songs that make you think of her, remembering her favorite snacks when you’re out grocery shopping or taking care of her after a rough day, running her a bath and washing her hair for her or bigger things you prepare for her. surprise date nights that take some time to prepare but it’s all worth it when you get to watch rhiannon’s reaction. a planned trip for her birthday, where you take her somewhere nice that she always wanted to visit. literally anything to make her happy and give her the life she always deserved!!!!! <333

[smahell]

leviathan heacanons which, if they did become canon, would deliver us the most amazing obey me nightbringer lesson 61 ever.

ground rules, literally the basis of everything i stand for:

yes he is queer, yes he is plus size, yes he is trans (in what way is up to you, transfem, transmasc, non-binary, agender. phuck he probably uses those cool xenogenders and collects pronouns like pokemon cards /pos)

• i think he'd have autism and BPD. makes sense w/ how sporadic his emotions can be and how they can be either on the extremes or nothing at all (projecting)

• he has facial hair, but it's more gentle stubble on his upper lip and dotted around his jawline because he just forgets to shave, and he just doesn't like the texture and feel of his skin afterwards anyways.

• he likes the IDEA of beaches and beach episodes. he just doesn't like sand, it's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.

• i like to think of his skin as a very slight jaundice yellow??? or just a sort of sandy shade (#d4d18c) for camouflage purposes!!! like camouflaging on stream beds and stuff since he's like a sea monster...

• vitamin d, magnesium AND iron deficiency. triple homicide.

• has multiple phones: "one's for specifically grinding, the other ones for texting everyone, this phone's for texting mc..."

• i think leviathan is the type to simultaneously believe in soulmates, but also regard to any couple he sees with vehement disgust. if he's not in a relationship he'll hate every couple he sees.. maybe he's jealous. or maybe he's being based.

• he SWEARS he's tall, it's just that his posture makes him slouch so bad that he's more mammon's height most of the time

• irrationally scared of back massages.

• probably a babiniku, which is how he gets like half of his income.

• vegetarian!! and doesn't like the taste of humans either. every time he thinks of eating one he think about "well what if i was eating *insert anime character?? they're a human right??"

• still thinks humans are kinda useless in real life but still mentally sensationalizes them as these "cool" beings that always go on adventures.

• his most finely trained sense: touch and smell. it's why he can't go into most malls and some shops; sometimes the smells of perfumes are so overwhelming that he'd rather wait outside.

• his sleep schedule is either a good 11pm to 8am or a horrible 6am to 9am. it'll waiver around depending on what's going on, whether he has cookie duty, if there's a concert of his favorite underground band coming up, whether he has to finish homework, or just general RAD events.

• piercings!! at first he just wanted more ear piercings but then it moved to nose piercings and face ones. his latest one is a dolphin bite piercing which he kinda got impulsively but he doesn't regret it at all (he likes the taste of metal in his mouth!)

• voice claim: kaido shun's voice from "the disastrous life of saiki k" (voiced by Micah Solusod)

• in a fic i read it mentioned levi liking seaweed brownies (made my mammon)??? yeah its a personal headcanon now, it floats in my head like a boat at sea..

• loves LOVES heated blankets, since he''s naturally coldblooded he'll snuggle up to anything he can get

anyways that's it :D @memeowmoth wanted me to share some of mine, and I can definitely come up with more!!!! (edit: spelling mistakes.. i didn't finish one of my sentences for some reason..)

[kepler-station]

౨ৎ.𖥔˚ How do the Five Beasts fare with being "rejected" or "friendzoned"...?

— 𝜗𝜚 rq by @melluvsuu, thank you for requesting ! i can't write for characters without a clear personality in the canon of its game, series, or whatever, so here's how i characterized the two beasts who haven't been released yet/has no episodes in game :

— eternal sugar : the lazy beauty. the type to look drop dead gorgeous even while lazing off on her cloud. she's seductive and attractive, kinda like a worse and intensified version of kumiho. she can get what she wants just by whispering sweet nothings into the ears of those who she wants. so sweet, you don't hear the condescendingly cruel intention of hers. but to her, you're just another piece of jelly on her plate. another to use, another to discard. once you're consumed by your love for her, you'll be floating away on a cloud, lazy becomings getting better of you. and you fail to see her touch the heart of another.

— silent salt : a silent but protective cookie. he shows his affection not through empty words but deep rooted actions that come from deep in his heart. and yet, this comes with a strong sense of dismissal, carelessness, and even ignorance. you can't tell if he's listening or ignoring you, he's that silent. despite that, he's protective of those and the things he truly cares about. that being said, anyone who even gets a mile closer to his belongings gets sliced. it may be scary, getting isolated like that. but he's devoted. a slash of his sword, he'll cut down any cookie who dares even think of what he cares about...

— hopefully you like how i portrayed them ! this is just what my vivid imagination thought they'd be like once i saw them. kept it to myself for a while, and now i get to tell it to you mystics here.

— god, they're so evil... i love it.

𔓕 ⸝⸝ ꒱ sumi radio ; step back by GOT the beat

ᡣ𐭩 .𖥔˚ heads up ! — lovebombing. isolation. implied kidnapping...? a lot of bad things. also, you aren't a beast here.

₊˚⊹ ᰔ radiowaves reaching to humans... @esmelanaire

— shadow milk cookie 🎭 ᯓ★

— "You... YOU...!!!! NO, HOW DARE YOU...!!!" TRY TO REJECT ME— YOU..!!" ... "Oh, you silly goose! You didn't reject me, silly! You love me! You do!"

— at first, he's... silent. you weren't supposed to go off script like that, you were supposed to declare your love for him at this very moment! oh, but lookie here, because all the sudden you're dressed in blues and blacks, circus-like attire while declaring your undying love for the incredibly funny and self-proclaimingly incredibly-handsome cookie of deceit!

— with just a snap of his fingers, the entire environment turned from lush green and... beast-yeast stuff to blues and blacks, checkerboards with tightropes, dancing faeries in circus attire, burning coals to dance over and parkour courses complete with throwing knives for fun! of course, it wouldn't be complete without the love of his life, the darling apple of his eye, his little silly goose and so many other silly nicknames, you !!

— you're more than just friends, your lovers, silly! but seriously, of course you'd be having a lot of fun by his side, even if it's not truly you... hey now, you'll be okay! to avoid any other cookies trying to meddle with your mind, he places you at top of the spire of deceit and truth, of course all of your necessities are all there, and Shadow Milk can just appear there with you with a snap of his fingers, faster than you can blink and say "silly, vanilly"!

— which brings a lot of surprise and drama when pure vanilla eventually runs up that familiar blue tower. what sorts of drama coil up when truth finally catches your eye and hand down the blue tower? has your savior finally arrived?

— eternal sugar cookie 💘 ᯓ★

— beautiful, beautiful eternal sugar. how could you ever turn her down? stunning, gorgeous, attractive... looks like she didn't lovebomb you enough. or maybe she didn't spray enough love potions in the air for you to fully fall for her? well, there's truly no need to worry! you're feeling the effects already!

— truth be told, none of the beasts can handle rejection. of course, sugar is no different. her looks, whispers of sweet nothings and forbidden love magic are all she needs to get you to love her. sure, you did reject her, but you just don't know that your hers yet!

— she lovebombs you; constant invitations to her sugar paradise, isolating you from your friends and family upon a sugar cloud and some dark vines as you are consumed by your growing sloth, spoiling you, whispering words of affirmation and love in your ears until you get used to it and only it, inviting herself to things that include you, while ignoring your schedules, personal beliefs and your time because she wants you. she wants control over you, she wants to catch her prey.

— rejecting her further results in further isolation, of course after facing the wrath of a beast. as a... not a beast, you fear her in terms of power, so it's only a matter of time until you love her because you fear her. but that's besides the point, she loves you too much to see you suffer like that! during the black vines and isolation, of course the hearts in her eyes cannot be stopped. the lovebombing doesn't stop even when you are isolated from cookie society.

— consequently, everyone fears being around you because wherever you go, not a minute later the beast of sloth herself comes flying after you right then and there! with how feared the beasts are, they're just begging you to accept her love so she can go away...

— in the end you do end up loving her, in the same way she discards you as you fall into sloth upon your little cloud in the sugar paradise. after all, you are just another toy for her to play with and discard at will. another piece of food on her plate, another prey for to go to town on.

— (p.s. if you somehow got to stay friends with her for a short bit, she doesn't stop with her advances and trying to block her off doesnt work either, she will have you wrapped around her finger in less than it takes for her to snap her dainty fingers.)

— mystic flour cookie 🏯 ᯓ★

— how futile.

— what sort of meaning did you mean to her for her to go to such lengths only to be met with the same futility she drowned herself in a long time ago?

— in her world of white, you were a deep, vibrant shade of (whatever the main color in your cookie's color palette is). the one thing that mattered to her in a world which served no purpose chose to reject her perfect world of white just like that. the one thing that stopped her from turning the world from white chose to leave her out of their world... not in the way that she chose them to be the only rhing worthwhile in hers.

— so because her approach to you is more or less the same as the other cookies around you, she just pays attention to you and actually interacts with you, albeit a dry one, her reaction is very apathetic, hard to tell whether she cared or not.

— ah, what of it? the world will be consumed in apathy, and you will soon see the futility of turning her and her heart of white down. it wouldn't hurt to indulge a fair bit before she took the world into her hands.

— so before she enters her white spider-like cocoon, she abducted you and placed you in there with her. she wanted you to see the world of white she sees so, she wants you to be there with her and feel this same apathy, so you understand her.

— and for once, it wasn't futile as it actually worked. colors diluted in white, eyes glazed over, floury dough and all. you turned into a priest/priestess of the temple of hollow tears, and a personal servant to mystic flour.

— she made you see her world of white. your opinions do not matter. you will not harbor the same arrogance as the cookies who asked too much of her. you saw her perfect world of white, and you feel the same apathy that loathes within her at all times. with tears of hollow apathy, her hand caresses your cheek as you turn into flour under her loving gaze. you were the only thing that mattered to her heart, and nothing else mattered. in this moment where she had lost everything, she desired nothing more than to see you before you entered her world of white. her heart will never forget you, my dear. apathy will never outshine the love she has for you.

— burning spice cookie 🔥 ᯓ★

— ah, so you're a fighter, eh?

— burning spice cookie is a fiery, destructive cookie. i can see his own pride getting hurt by your destruction, and something similar to his wild-goose-chase with golden cheese would happen where you'd hide from him until you could escape or until he was defeated in some way.

— you rejecting his burning love for you hurt his pride. a lot. nutmeg tiger and the spices were shocked too, that you had the guts to do such a thing, knowing you're going up against a beast of such chaos as burning spice...

— ... which means it's another game of hide-and-seek between you and the beast within his own lands. from the kulfi hotsprings to the spice valleys, the spice tribes either helped you hide or ran away from you in fear of the beast. after all, you were the one he was looking for.

— perhaps he wants to prove himself to you. or perhaps he seeks to know whether you are truly worthy of his heart. i don't know, maybe he thinks his destructive stunts will win you over or maybe he wants to see your strength (but you must be strong if burning spice is interested in you), just that he wants to find you because of the rejection which led to something else.

— we've already been over the fact that the rejection hurt his pride deeply, but he's determined to win you over. perhaps he didn't do enough; in this sense he's more similar to eternal sugar but he doesn't love bomb you. in the end of it all, it climaxes to a fight, both to see your strength and to prove himself and win you over!

— he doubles down on competition as he's driven by a need to prove himself, which leads to reckless behavior as he pushes himself to the absolute limit, desperate to impress his crush. also, nutmeg tiger is also after you because burning spice ordered her to.

— the way this ends could be up to your interpretation because i can't see a definitive ending for burning spice getting rejected by his crush. it could end in a big fight where either one of you wins; you win and you leave beast-yeast and the land of rigid spices or whatever it's called, or burning spice wins and you have to be his lover. really, it's up to you from there, sorry.

— silent salt cookie ⚔️ ᯓ★

— the silence after you declare your rejection is so very loud it's almost deafening.

— in the past, you and salt started out as friends. of course, he was a capable leader and with that came being a great protector. little did you know, something that seems good turns out horribly annoying..

— it's not bad, of course, it feels nice knowing no evil or danger is coming your way since silent salt took his place by your side as your knight in literal shining armor, but it's just annoying. cutting down even harmless little critters who come close to you and yes, as a beasts no evil dares come near you but that means cookies also avoid you like the plague.

— isolation is depressing, and no contact is the same thing just as depressing. however, silent salt won't budge even in isolation. alone in your room? not anymore, silent salt is peering over you watching over you. want alone time? silent salt ignores you and stays by your side, stuck to you. that sort of clinginess is uncomfortable and annoying, i'm sure, esp. when they're someone who ignores you and stays silent all the time.

— and sure, it may be nice sometimes. in times where danger threats you, the beast next to you shuts it down immediately but when he cuts down your friends....

— and he ignores your pleas too.

— he ignores your rejection. that's it. he's always going to be by your side even if you declare that you don't love him. you'll never get rid of him, accept it.

— you aren't on his level of power, so you don't stand a chance against him. years and years pass as you crumble on your own (iykyk...). does he regret it? yes. yes he does. but he doesn't see why you did this.

— he thought you knew that he loved you, he cared for you, thats why he stood next to your side for so long... you knew, didn't you? why did you do this... why?

[augenblicklich-lila]

cod incorrect quotes #3

Thank you for all the likes and reblogs so far <3 It's super sweet and motivating. So have some more!

the usual jazz, mainly Y/N stuff, platonic and romantic. Also has some Soapghost!

Once I get back on my writing jazz, I'll post some one-shots. Have yet to write one for the cod fandom though, so we'll see. Maybe I'll finally let my old stuff see the light of day.

- Lila

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛ ♛ （ ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)つ━━✫・*。 ⊂　　 ノ 　　　・゜+. しーーＪ　　　°。+ *´¨)

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛

Ghost: What do you have? Soap: A KNIFE! Ghost: NO!

Soap: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers? Y/N: Carnations, why? Soap: Y/N: Were you going to get me flowers? Soap: Y/N: Soap: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

Ghost: Wait you like me? For my personality? Soap: I know, I was surprised too.

Y/N: You believe me? Ghost: Y/N, you’re one of the last good persons on this planet. I‘d believe cartoon birds braided your hair this morning.

Soap: Ghost has only knocked me out three times this week. Our friendship is really developing. (this is just canon tbh)

Y/N: If we lose, you’re out of the will. Soap: I was in the will?

Ghost is speaking on the phone Ghost: Yeah, I'm with Soap. Soap: Im fucking dying- Ghost: Yep, he's okay. Soap: I have a knife in my chest! Ghost: No, he can't talk right now. He's sleeping, sorry. Soap: IM BLEEDING OUT-

Ghost: I could kill you if I wanted. Y/N: Yeah? So could any other human being. So could a dog. So could a dedicated duck. You aren't special.

Price: I am in charge of these disasters! Y/N, Soap, Ghost and Gaz: We have names, you know.

Gaz: What is wrong with you? Y/N: Loaded question. Elaborate.

Y/N: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case? Soap: wHat? Y/N: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved. Ghost: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

Y/N: Met a dumbass today. Awful. Gaz: You looked in a mirror? Y/N: Someday you will have to answer for your actions and god may not be so merciful.

Soap: We can bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute. Ghost: No, that's not how you make cookies. Y/N: FLOOR IT!! Soap: How about 4,000,000 degrees for 1 second?!? Price: yOU'RE GONNA BURN THE HOUSE DOWN- Y/N: I'M GONNA HARNESS THE POWER OF THE F UCKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES! Soap: DO IT! Price: NO-

Y/N: Time-sensitive question how flirt boy. Gaz: Throw rocks at he. Soap: Hot Dogs. Ghost: Kill him. Y/N: Thanks, guys.

Soap: I'm cold. Ghost: Here, take my hoodie. meanwhile Y/N: I'm cold. Gaz: I can't control the weather, Y/N.

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛ 　∧＿∧ （｡･ω･｡)つ━☆・*。 ⊂　　 ノ 　　　・゜+. しーＪ　　　°。+ *´¨) “Hie thee home, little wanderer.”

・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・。.✭・♛

[ctheathy]

Secret History Tails Headcanons

Secret History Tails x Reader

General+Fluff Headcanons [SFW]

Due to him showing quite the difference in personality in both the original Secret Histories and TSAA I’m gonna try keeping both “versions’’ of them in different sections, as the particular state would also truly determine on how he’d possibility be as a lover. He’ll still be known as SH Tails among both sides though

Secret History Tails/Reader

Potential ⚠️TWs⚠️ :

Brainwashing trauma [On Tails’ part] • Mention of bullying // harassment • General yandere-ish behaviour • Slight possessiveness • Jealousy • Trust Issues • Implied murder • Worship

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Let’s start with his og version, shall we? I can see him being a somewhat tough cookie to crack, not wanting to accept the fact he may be adoring somebody the same way, or perhaps even more so than he does with Sonic. I have personally always just kept the headcanon that SH Tails is really just a brainwashed version of the regular Miles Prower among that universe; feeling determined to worship and devote himself to Sonic, almost as it’s the literal meaning of his entire existence.

And that’s exactly where the major difference with you comes in.

When given genuine kindness, you earn his love and compassion instead of literally being entitled to it. He remains in severe denial about it for a while, but that soft spot is definitely growing when you’re going out of your way to dote on him. Despite seeming to lack lucidity in this state, he definitely isn’t some fool; He’s very well aware of the literal degradation Sonic had given him during that time, but he just let it happen due to his obsession with somebody who practically doesn’t even exist, atleast not for his position, that is. He seems to have trouble facing the differences between those who in his words are considered “imposters” and those who are being genuine; but you’d likely just take over that entire imagery of Sonic that’s been plastered into his mind when just being a decent human being//mobian torwards him, and in order to do so, it really just requires patience.

But even so, his masquerade would end up shattering into a million pieces eventually; wanting to do nothing but give into your angelic words, encouragement and comforts so badly. During this process he’d suddenly become a very clingy mobian, wanting to do nothing but grab your hands, hold you close, and just be alongside you each and every minute of the day. He’s one to grow pretty attached to those who are reasonable enough to treat him as an equal being, likely being one to go as far as worshipping a darling who holds a neutrally sweet demeanour, who’s able to give chances and atleast consider getting to know him instead of running away with their tail between their legs. Those who have been scared for their lives around the fox or just make him out to be some unsettling crackhead at first glance have definitely caused atleast some more unsteadyness to be created in his system. The word trustworthy has been lacking around him for such a long time that he honestly struggles to keep up with any sudden tender gestures, which is why warming him up to it makes him a whole lot more open in genuinely trying for both his own and your sake.

Another cute thing being is that he’d absolutely wrap you around in his tails like they’re a pair of covers, keeping you warm and wishing to keep you safe from any potential threats around at all costs. Talking about his tails; compliment them, hug them, bring your attention onto them in a positive manner, I dare you. In my canon, he was still very much bullied by the bystanders close to his home, and even now, nasty comments are oftentimes still given due to similar reasonings or the blue hedgehog’s complaints alone. And although he wouldn’t exactly understand why due to memory loss of the Sega brainwashing, but a few tears would for sure manage to slip their ways down his cheeks at some point.

╰┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤

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Tails from the TSAA series was a slightly ... Difficult one to say the least. His obsession with Sonic has reached the point of undoable and unsavoury acts in the purpose of finding the said ‘real Sonic’, who realistically speaking; is still back at his original alternate part of the universe, potentially making him search for an ultimatum which he’ll never truly find. Let’s say you’re a self aware individual in this one who tagged along with him in order to potentially make the realisation set in that the work is not even worth it in the end, that it’s technically not even possible to begin with. You're against his plan and doings yet you still managed to steal his heart? Sneaky, sneaky little thing that you are.

While Tails back in Secret Histories would be a whole lot more careless, just wanting to be touchy with you and return all of the adoration he’s denied for such a long time, I cannot help but think the Tails in this position would be a whole lot more gentle with you; having lacked true companionship for such a long time, to believing he’d quite literally break you when truly giving in on what he actually desires. He adores you for you, he’s happened to learn a lot from your knowledge and truly appreciates your company, but he’s fearful in a way. He knows he could easily be one to just manipulate his way into the things he wants, but he knows it’s just as much fake if he literally has to break you in order to do so. You’d might as well be one another of the imposters he’s always despised so much and that’s honestly the last thing he’d wish to showcase you as.

Over time though, I can see him opening up a whole lot more and accepting the passion you’ve always offered with open arms after making a hundred percent sure it wouldn’t make a change on you in the slightest. I believe genuine benevolence and sympathy from another is what would slowly cause the fox to give up on finding this ‘real Sonic’ his head has been so desperate in creating. You’ll help him recover from his brainwashing trauma and let him very well known about the fact that he did not deserve anything that happened to him. He’s hesitant, but with you alongside him, I could finally see him putting this unrealistic fixation of his aside. Being unimaginably thankful for now gaining the love from somebody he’s yearned for for such a long time without gaslighting needing to be used nor potentially feeling the need to press a knife against the other’s throat in order for them to openly enjoy his company

Something on a sadder note, however, is how he’d likely gain these upsetting moments on how he cannot go back to either his true world due to the chaos he’s caused nor stay in any of the other dimensions because of them already having their own alternate versions of himself. To which you’re experienced in comforting the two tailed fox, but you however do not have an actual solution to the problem. You instead, help him consider making the best out of both of your positions in the multiverse. The two of you clumsily yet romantically dance your ways down together through the said ‘slide’, you sometimes end up entering other universes due to both of your curiosities getting the best of you, and you let him rant about the things he knows with a curious and interested expression on your face; there’s never really been anybody who listened to him in the way you have, so hearing the enthusiasm in his voice and sometimes even seeing his tails wag in excitement, honestly made everything worth it to you.

╰┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤┈➤

Bonus section : Similarities

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A massive similarity that cannot go unnoticed is that both sides of them really wouldn't require much more than somebody who does genuinely love them but also happens to be strong enough to keep him restrained on healthy levels and keep up with any considerable obsessiveness he may show from time to time; so there’s suggested you carefully keep up to any hinted warnings in possessive behaviour and mannerisms. He’d be a whole lot more likely to stalk you during this process, wanting to keep a close eye open on both your safety and to prevent anybody else from pushing you into funny business. You’re his beautiful significant other and he shall go to intense levels to keep it that way, even if this includes in taking some sad bystander’s life cause they decided to corner you in a lustful manner without the slightest bit of consent even being given in the first place. And it’s not like he’d even be willing to believe you’d do such things with another to begin with, you’re too pure in his eyes.

Another concept for a fox character I wish to keep myself to, is the fact that they’re known to mate for life, which also just so happens to add in on atleast slight possessive behaviour on the both of them. Tails, in particular, works very well with explosives and any kinds of machinery work; so when taking notice upon anybody getting even the slightest bit too close for comfort, he certainly wouldn’t hesitate to use the malfunction excuse as a way in order to keep you accessible in the relationship. Hopefully you’d be one to prevent him from doing so as much as you possibly could though, as something that could cause bigger issues for your alliance in perhaps future occurrences would include not correcting him. He’d surely still be one to wrap his body around your own in a defensive manner, literally growling at the pedestrian oppositely of your own spot, but knowing how much he worships and looks up to you, he’d likely be one to listen on conditions of gaining enough reassurance over time and keeping a whole amount of your attention on him.

Despite how the sanity levels seem to dangerously be on the borderline of instability at some points of the relationship, I do remain to see him as atleast somewhat tameable. Due to the clinginess both versions of him hold, he’d be quite vulnerable to you in both positions aswell, almost feeling intimidated by you in a way. He worships your entire being and quite frankly views you as a godsend, feeling the need to prove himself in any way possible. At the end of the day, despite any of the flaws they may hold, from Secret Histories or TSAA, they’re both fairly passionate lovers and could genuinely be good ones as long as given a chance. He promises you’re truly in good hands- But even then, it remains important knowing what you’re potentially getting yourself into

as he sure as hell won’t let you go after your commitment.

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[ghoodles]

A bunch of noir headcanons because im normal i promise

- Either really sensory avoidant or seeking, it depends on the day

- Either way he's still pretty affectionate, on the avoidant days its usually just words of affirmation but otherwise he's the type of person to like pat someone on the back or something (there's actual movie scenes in itsv that supports this)

- The strongest sense of justice you'll see. He sees an injustice and soon enough he's interfering

- He will find a way to get information out of you if you have it, he used to work for the press, and is a private eye, and he was damn good at BOTH

- The color of his webs depends on how long its been since his last revival. Darker usually means its been less time, and it usually lasts for like a month or two before it becomes white again

- Intrusive thoughts about violence that he's just slowly become desensitized to

- Used to be all bark no bite before he got his powers, would get his ass kicked a LOT, but now, i mean, he still gets his ass kicked sometimes, but he's more capable of holding his own

- He has fangs and claws, because, come on, he's literally been revived like multiple times by the spider-god, she's had to replace something

- Speaking on that, a lot of his blood is significantly darker than his natural color, because of the god having to replace it

- Actually figured out how to use futuristic technology pretty quickly

- In shattered dimensions, he definitely thought Madame Web's voice was the spider-god talking to him before he was like "hold on she doesnt sound like that, who the fuck are you?"

- Swears like a sailor, but doesnt like younger people doing it

- Probably screamed in agony at seeing all the colors for the first time, especially in brooklyn during the night, thats gotta cause so much eye strain, especially in a black and white world

- Actually could see color in his world, but they were pretty dull colors, almost monochrome, but not

- Most people cant see the difference though

- Has met Miguel before (shattered dimensions) and was absolutely just in shock by the change

- A god at cooking, shit at baking, he tried to make cookies and almost burnt down the house

- Sometimes just feels like a puppet for the spider-gods entertainment

- Religious trauma is strong with this man, i can tell

- Derealization episodes where it feels like he's just not there anymore

- Back to his blood being darker the more he loses it, he has a full on breakdown over it once he realizes it, because he percieves it as a sort of indicator that he isnt human anymore

- The most unintentionally father figure acting person you'll ever see, he doesnt realize how many people see him as a dad, and if he does he's just extremely confused

- Had his gun with him the entire time in ITSV, just didnt want to accidentally scare someone with it

- Has a pretty good relationship with the other spiders in Shattered dimensions, but ends up getting a little iffy about Miguel once he brings up the canon events

- He almost fought him after Miguel brought up his uncle Benjamin and all his other canon events (ive only read like two issues of the comics im SORRY)

- The most vibrant color he saw in his world was the color of his spider-sense; a red

- For this reason, he can point out red really quickly

- Increased senses, to the point where it can become a hindrance

- Constantly on alert, checks so many things to make sure that he's not being followed

- Despite being naturally weaker than all the spiders, he can punch clean through walls

- He'd be bruised and a bit scraped by it but otherwise he's perfectly fine

[copsecore]

my thoughts on the "fanon-isation" of sam (and his newest ba)

(taken from a long winded text conversation i had - slight NSFW talk below the cut) [WORD COUNT: 1047 WORDS, IM SORRY]

psa: while i am complaining about it, it's just my own thoughts, and none of which is an actual criticism of erik, feel free to add your opinions, as per the usual

Maybe its coz time is passing, and the relationship is developing but i feel like i’m enjoying the dynamic between sam and darlin’ a lot less than i did at the beginning. It feels a lot less “human-realistic” and more “tailored for fan preference” (you sam fans gotta hear me out on that bit okay).

Clearly erik isn’t “pandering” towards the fandom or anything, however there HAS been a change in sam’s writing that i don’t know if anyone else can see, or whether it’s just me.

 Fight me, but i feel like whatever’s happening to guy, the reverse is happening to sam. In the sense of where guy is gaining lore and becoming more plot relative, sam seems to be losing that position, which doesn’t cover all of my opinion, but it’s the simplest way i can think of putting it. 

He feels more “disconnected” as a character and I wish i could write this more specifically but there’s almost no “good” way of putting it, i’m just trying to put my vibes about this into readable thoughts in a way that’s somewhat well communicated.

It feels like he’s being diminished, where there’s less of the gruff dad-type personality, protective semi-asshole, gently-caring-in-a-non-tsundere-way, and a lot more “here’s your standard cookie-cutter southern bf who just so happens to be a vampire, however that’s essentially irrelevant because it’s never referenced in a way that’s plot-needed”. 

It’s quite flat and 2D now in a way that i can’t explain, so therefore don’t yell at me for saying it. While he’s still hot ofc, I don’t enjoy his character nearly as much as i did pre-quinn era, which is a shame because it’s difficult to let go of the fact that he’s one of my favourites, but the energy’s shifted and it’s “off” now. 

Maybe it’s because I’ve changed as a person in the last four years, which i know i have, but it doesn’t seem to be just character development, in the nicest way possible, it feels like he’s being written “out of character”.

Character development in any way is good, I’m a writer myself, I would know that, but those words aren’t what i would personally use to describe it. Forgive me, but i just felt like i needed to get everything out so i could see if anyone else agreed. 

You could say “it’s not that deep” but I’m autistic; this is my special interest, so as much as you can say otherwise, it is in fact “that deep” for me. 

Don’t get me wrong, i still thoroughly love sam as a whole, complete character, and the more recent videos that i don’t like as much could never take that away from me, so again, don’t come at me saying i’m “hating on him”, because i’m not.

This is as constructive of a ��rant” that i can make it, and yes, my anonymous asks are turned off. I’m not gonna go on about how “i’m not criticising erik, BUT-” because if you know me at all, you’ll know i would never send hate towards him. 

With the “fanon-isation”, that’s just a word i threw out there to header this whole thing. I meant it mostly in reference to how a large part of the fandom seems to idealise or romanticise darlin’s character, and somewhat how that seems to be translating to the canon of their relationship with sam, and thus effecting him as well. But that wasn’t the right wording - the sam fangroup is big, and i’m already throwing myself to enough proverbial wolves as it is.

The thing that sparked all of this - and if you don’t have the patreon then you probably won’t know - is that Sam biting darlin’ for the first time happened in his most recent ba, which wasn’t something that i really liked. It felt weird to me that, even though it was fully communicated and both parties were okay, it would happen FOR THE FIRST TIME in a sexual setting. While it made sense for darlin’s character, it made less sense for sam’s.

 It also means that (at least as i’m writing this) the non-patrons won’t experience the very plot-important aspect that is sam biting darlin’ for the first time, considering how built-up it’s been throughout their storylines, it didn’t feel right.

It almost felt like the only reason the reverse-comfort audio even previewed for a ba was because THAT was the video that fell on release day. The circumstances just didn’t feel right for it, not given sam’s past and everything that happened in the quinn arc. 

i figured it would at least happen with a sit down conversation, in an sfw audio, even if it was ON patreon, but free. Of course - knowing darlin’ - it was going to be sexual at some point, but i didn’t think it would happen for the first time.

 I’m not going into any more specifics on the audio itself, but those are my thoughts on that bit. Sam bites darlin’, and i didn’t like it. My gripe is neither that it happened, nor that it’s not available to the public, but that nothing about the setting or the build up felt right, and it felt like it happened “just because”, which was a big let down for me, personally.

It wasn’t even the first time I’ve gotten the gist that something was “up”, THAT happened in sam’s hbs 2023 audio (NOT the ba, just the youtube access one) where it definitely felt more like “this is what the audience wants” because yes, who wouldn’t want to see a hot southerner get down and dirty in a club? But it didn’t feel right, and I couldn’t put my finger on it at the time, but more so now it seemed like fandom influence of a sorts.

Almost like I was reading a fanfic or something that was posted on here (no hate of course, I would say my "platform" on here is mainly constructed of fan based content, just that it seemed more “headcanon-y” and less Just Canon) rather than something that erik himself wrote.

TL;DR: sam feels more and more “out of character” to me as a long-term viewer, and it all came to a head in the most recent bonus audio

[nerdy-the-artist]

Maytroid 2024 is here!

I am so excited to get to work on these new prompts. Last year, my entries for each day were fairly sloppy, and I was new to the series, so I was lacking a fair bit of information. Now, I’m armed with more knowledge and am eager to use it.

For those who haven’t seen what I did for Maytroid last year, what I’m going to be doing instead of art is something more writing focused. These little text entries are mostly styled after the scans from the Metroid Prime series. Matter of fact, this new set of prompts actually lends itself much better than last year’s, as I have a lot more leeway to play to my own strengths than last year (I still don’t know what the fuck I’m gonna do with Gorea). These are all canon to my own Metroid AU currently, though as things change in development, these may become out of date. They will give the vibe my stories are going for, but these shouldn’t be held to as the absolute canon for them. I’ll be posting these week by week, around 7 at a time, starting today.

Day 1: Ridley

Transcript of Security Footage

Several individuals in this footage cannot be identified at this time. They shall be identified as Pirate 1, Pirate 2, and Pirate Major.

Ridley: What I want to know… is why he is not in custody.

Pirate Major: I gave them their orders, they knew he was to be brought in alive, and instead they killed him.

Pirate 1: You told us to take care of him! We thought you meant an execution, not milk and cookies!

Pirate Major: Insolent Wretch! You say such things about your orders in front of our Commander?! You know how we handle that sort of insubordination!

Pirate 2: Cool it, we’re already in hot water.

Pirate 1: We’re in hot water because of the life of some winy little nobody that begged for his life with money he didn’t even have.

Ridley: While your insolence is… aggravating… I am willing to forgive this misstep.

Pirate Major: What?

Ridley: He was an insignificant pawn. We can always find another. As I was saying, I am willing to forgive this on one condition. Did he die in pain?

Pirate 2: Yes. He did suffer before he died.

Ridley: What methods or torture did you employ?

Pirate 1: Waterboarding. Works wonders on humans. I always liked how they sound when they cough and gasp for air.

Ridley:Mmmmm… was blood shed before his end?

Pirate 2: Yeah. My partner here has… quite the way with knives.

Ridley: Do tell.

Pirate 1: Slashed his wrists. Those arteries gush lots of blood from humans. And we started pulling teeth when he lied.

Ridley: Delicious. You have escaped capital punishment, but you will still be serving as guards for the Metroid containment units. For further forgiveness, you will need to be more creative with your implements. I find Revine’s death, by your account, to be quite dull. Your are dismissed, unless you wish to enlighten me further.

Day 2: Fiery

Scan of Pipe System in Norfair

“These pipes appear be delivering superheated magma into the Norfair region. Given the proximity to Ridley’s personal quarters, likely explanations include terraforming the area for Ridley’s own comfortability, additional protective measures, or the intentional destruction of Chozo artifacts not deemed useful. The latter is most likely, as the immediate area was once a Chozo burial tomb. It is now completely submerged in magma, disintegrating much of the artifacts within.”

Day 3: Winged

Scan of SA-X Mutations

“This X-Parasite copy has suffered some form of destabilization of its copying abilities. Abnormalities include a malformed, beak like structure around the mouth, several atrophied fingers, several hypertrophied fingers, small patches of feathers, and an extraneous structure protruding from its back resembling a Chozo wing bereft of feathers. These unusual deformities could be the result of DNA infusions during childhood complicating the process of anatomical replication within X-Parasite offspring. This individual seems to suffer great stress from its predicament, but it is unsafe to assume that its combat functionality is greatly hampered. Adaptation is this species’s main trait.”

Day 4: Pirate

Scan of Space Pirate Elite

“Subject is a member of an unknown species known only from individuals working within Ridley’s special operations group, The Revenants. This group acts as Ridley’s personal enforcers and assassins, fanatically worshipping their commander as a literal God of Death. They wield melee weapons personalized to their unique fighting styles. Each weapon is charged with electricity, giving them an additional ranged attack capability. They have operated since before the Galactic Federation, making a name for themselves in fighting Chozo warriors. Their endurance, agility, and strength cannot be overstated, in spite of their gaunt appearance.”

Day 5: Mecha

Scan of automaton codenamed Mecha Ridley

“Subject is a battle ready drone, seemingly created by Ridley’s fanatical special forces, the Revenants. Mecha Ridley is heavily weaponized, as there could be no altar to the God of Death without the ability to take a life. Weapons include flamethrowers, guided munition launchers, and superheated claws. Mecha Ridley’s armor is highly durable, but greatly hampers mobility compared to its inspiration. Additionally, as a cult idol of worship, advanced artificial intelligence was not prioritized during production. Mecha Ridley displays average combat intellect for a war drone. Recommend staying moving and outsmarting the automaton.”

Day 6: Fang

Scan of Rundas’s Necklace

“Rundas appears to have begun collecting Metroid Fangs as trophies since last he was approached. Assuming one fang was taken from each Metroid he has eliminated, he has defeated 15 Metroids in the two months since he was last seen. Unfortunately, his ego has grown with his kill count.”

Day 7: Cunning

Scan of Abandoned Home

“Old Bird and Grey Voice’s abandoned home has been left mostly in tact, minus the usual signs of neglect. However, there appear to be a plethora of traps lain around the home. Various grapple snares have been detected, alongside explosive charges, beam emitters, and microphones. Much of these systems appear to be inert, and once reported directly to Mother Brain. It is clear she anticipated you might return here before confronting her. Given her destruction, several trap systems remain completely dormant. Still, any approach must be made with great caution.”

[felmonth]

Hello everyone!

As I said before, since a while ago I wanted to change the content and well, I don't know if it's interesting to see but I will post these drawings that are from a long time ago when I draw my ocs more frequently, I want to take them back and make a new story so don't hold back asking about these new characters, I leave their names and small descriptions.

Kuppis

These creatures behave like birds, make canary sounds and eat cookies, I was inspired by Pokémon to make these characters, I hope you like my creatures.

Old design:

Felmonth

First... Felmonth is not me, is my oc, Felmonth is actually a formless smiling slimy mass that in order to have a physical body, it has to devour people, although it can't just eat them, it has to make its victim depressed to the brink of collapse and then devour them, however, the physical body it has after it has devoured someone, after a few minutes or so after the victim is consumed, cracks and breaks, making it short lived. Basically the story I have from Felmonth is how to get out of the depths of depression, I don't know how to fully develop it but it's more or less the attempt.

Fushi Sweetheart

This character was my favorite since 2016, I had a story together with a friend but since we don't talk for a long timew anymore, I had to start from scratch so he has a side story as Tom's adopted son, yes....the puppet, like the movie Peabody and Sherman (I love that movie) but actually the original story Fushi had and I plan to develop it again, he was the typical human half demon, but this time he is a demon of the "cracks", because of his emotions the cracks react to his magic and so, I have comics but I don't plan to show them since I don't consider him canon in my head now, the person who can see him is Lulu >:3 mwehehe nah it's joke xd I'll leave all the mystery to Lulu and you guys too.

Pettitil (Bunny) and Eve (Elf)

The world my characters inhabit is a place where they only learn magic and consequences of it by using it, as the original story is cruel and sad, this time it's much more regulated soft but having the conflict of the characters, I didn't feel comfortable with the original story XD literally everyone died and I don't like that.

Pettitil is a bunny girl, she is the middle sister of 8 bunny siblings, she has plant magic, she acts as the older sister of another character I will show later, named "Lionel", she treats that boy like her brother since Lio is going through a hard time with his demanding family, Pettitil's father has no problem with her inviting his friend over for tea at home. She has no definite age (in fact, none of my characters are of age, but until their story is fixed, the characters will be between 20 years old and up)

Eve the elf, a clumsy but kind hearted girl, her family is poor but she has the opportunity to study thanks to a lottery provided by a school, her world falls apart when her mother demands her to marry to get riches, she doesn't want to marry someone she doesn't love but she is forced to get together with someone, she meets Lionel her "fiancé" they both become friends and realize they are nothing for each other in terms of falling in love.

Mimi the faun

According to the comics I have of her, she is a tarot reader, her magic specializes in intuition and divination, she has no personality yet, so in the comics she survived without personality.

To be continued...

[lover-of-mine]

Anna! Hi! Hello!

I literally just joined tumblr today to be able to anon ask you. I think I should be the anxiety anon (aa is for sure in honor of Capt. Dad Bobby Nash and not in bad taste) because even typing this makes me feel way too seen. Does this count as human interaction? Guys, is it gay social anxiety if you only have inside thoughts because the idea of having outside thoughts makes you unwell? I'm not shaking--no, check--I am totally shaking rn, which is making it hard to type. But, I feel like I have reached critical mass on my Buddie thoughts and I will explode if I can't share them.

It is probably very rude to bust through the wall of your house like the Kool-Aid Man, so I want to say that I love your voice--your characterization and dialogue, particularly how you use humor in your fics is just *chef's kiss* for me. I have read them all but can't anon comment. I love your color theory and costume meta, too. Your takes are so measured and thoughtful and honestly just logical in a time where 9-1-1blr feels kinda sorta unmoored in reality. Fuck Twitter, your spy network tag is now my news feed because fandom reading comprehension and critical thinking scores have plummeted recently. Lou Who knows why?

Some things that are making me laugh/cry/cry-laugh rn:

The cockfighting ring call in Bobby Begins Again (2x16). Let's talk about closet space, bro: he-who-must-not-be-named canonically full-body flinched at literal cock coming at him. Somehow this is his gayest canon moment to me even though he has 2 canon full-on face assault man-on-man kisses.

The bridge call finale in Season 6, which I haven't watched in a minute, so I welcome fact-checking. I can't recall if it happens at the end of Love Is in the Air (6x17) as a cliff-hanger or if it is in Pay It Forward (6x18) proper, but right before the truck hits the bridge and triggers the collapse, Bobby is on the medical call on the bridge and he verbally instructs "K*nnard" to do something. The extra, presumably 1 of the old man retired firefighters they use to fill-out the 118 ranks, is wearing the "K*nnard" turnouts that nobody needed since 2x16's very accurate "Fairwell T*mmy. The 217's Loss is Our Gain" cake. So, how's that for invisible string debunker costume meta. As of 6x18: K*nnard was literally just an unused turnout coat on a hook in the costume dept. "Who cares?!?" is the 118 and 9-1-1's motto, fr. Like, nobody remembers gaf that he's a pilot, too, in an episode where Lucy flies off in the air ambulance, never to be seen again. Is "becoming a pilot" 9-1-1's way of telling your kid the dog "went to the farm" when you really had it put down while they were at school?

My change.org petition is for Buck and Eddie to have OS and RG's tattoos. I know makeup has been covering them up for years, but it has been bothering me so much since the ABC switch. It's like they're using the same tone of cover-up for RG and OS and it reads so yellow-orange that I consider it color theory outlier. Like, real talk, what do yellow-orange arms mean for the data, Anna? Tattoo-having people are known to get more tattoos. This is normal. RG and OS have so many more tattoos now than in Season 2 that Season 7 and 8 Buck and Eddie look like they have skin conditions that stop at their watch-straps and somehow in Season 8 RG is getting forehead-only orange foundation? Listen, I consider myself fandom-standard unhinged, not completely deranged, but like the full body Ken-doll spray tan on OS in Masks (8x05) has pushed me over the edge.

My Ted Talk is titled "Hey, ABC: Buddie = Fiscal Responsibility" because, wtf, just stop paying superfluous guest actors to be love interests and let the 2 mains shack up like God T*m M*near intended. (I lowkey think that smart cookie JLH is a girlboss genius who tied herself to KC, yeah yeah because of chemistry, Madney forever, of course, but also as job security when she said that Chimney was what she wanted for Maddie.) Seriously, let's reallocate the bullshit love interest slush fund money and bring the kid home. I hardcore head canon that Ravi saw Gerrard from the buffet line at the medal ceremony and just noped the fuck out of there indefinitely.

I'm just gonna leave this all here and back away because I've maxed out on all the human/social interaction accepted fandom love language of hyperbolic ranting that I can partake in before I turn into a full-blown thunderstorm chihuahua.

Can someone please Uber me a clown car home?

My love, hi. This was so fucking great to read ksoskaoakoakaoaa I'm literally on the floor laughing. Thank you for the compliments on the fics and metas. When someone says they like my characterization, I ascend to a better plane of existence. Honestly, the cock fight calls is really something else kspskapakoaa and they just didn't bother checking if they had written someone off before using the turnout because they needed more people there I guess.

The tattoos one had me howling tho, the cover-up of Ryan's hand tattoo this season has been AWFUL and the fact that they just wax Oliver all over to cover him in orange foundation drives me nuts, like please, just let them have the tattoos. (I was actually informed that they would need to license the tattoo from the artist for every use of it depending on the tattoos they decide to keep and that's probably why don't let them keep them, but if we are not letting them keep them, please color match better).

Honestly, they just need to get together already, please end this madness, it's been long enough, let Ryan be paid to make out with Oliver like he's been wanting all along kspskspakaokapa

Anyway, I'm obsessed with you, thank you for this one 🫶🫶

[charlies-world-yay]

FIRST POST ON HERE OH EM GEE

i made this funny little au called undercat! there are no comics just yet but i definitely plan to make some and it’d be cool if you made some asks so i could have characters respond to them!!

here’s a little background on the au: Humans are dogs, monsters are cats! it’s pretty much the same concept with the story, theres nothing that’s really changed with that part, but in this au, there was only one reset, and there hasn’t been any genocide runs. why? well the main protagonist (frisk!) is actually around six years old and unlike in the game, IS capable of making their own decisions (kinda boring i know :p) frisk is very energetic and very caring, they’re sweet torwards anyone they meet and wouldn’t hurt a fly, after they left ruins they met sans and papyrus, they did a few of the puzzles but had trouble with them, getting frustrated with them they got a bit upset, sans noticed and decided to help them, then after a bit of help with the puzzles and going into snowdin town they met monster kid, like immediately walked up to them and became friends in an instant, they’re best friends with monster kid and wouldn’t change that, having no where to stay (and not wanting to leave snowdin yet) they stayed with the skelebros, long story short they ended up getting adopted by sans and are now officially considered their family! papyrus in this au while being somewhat bad at cooking, is really good at baking and likes to make frisk cookies and sweets, when they want real food, sans makes them the food instead of deciding to just do nothing, though occasionally if he’s to tired he takes them to grillbys

overtime frisk becomes close with pretty much the entire underground and does help them escape, chara, is very well known and honored, they have a place dedicated to them on the surface decorated in flowers and things they like, and their locket was left there as a remembrance thing

frisk now lives with sans and papyrus on the surface, monsters and humans live peacefully and all that stuff, frisk does infact go to school but they don’t do a whole bunch there, but they do hang out with monster kid a lot!

there will be a full story eventually just please be patient :) if you like this au tho you should totally follow, or don’t, both is ok! :D i just hope you love this au as much as i do :3

i made this au, and share it with my friend @_sploogezz on insta who you should totally check out, they’re so cool!! :D

i kindly ask that NO ONE ships frans in this, even if you do age frisk up it is still weird as they grew up around sans CANONICALLY IN GAME, and canonically in this au are adopted by him. frans is not welcome here and never will be.

there is no fontcest don’t worry and no really weird ships :) but if you wanna ship people, go ahead! just don’t be weird :/ (again, NO frans is welcome here and most definitely no fontcest.)

i hope you like this silly little au as much as i do :3

[c00kie-crossing]

Welcome to an Animal Crossing blog that is also an RP/Ask blog for my Island called Cryptid!

I have reset many many times so I made this blog to hopefully keep this island for longer.

You can ask me or any of my villagers questions or give them dares and I will do my best to answer them all. (Note dares will only last for five asks)

Feel free to spam like, also I'm on mobile so if the Ask box doesn't work you can DM me or leave a comment on this pinned post. The roleplay tag is #ACNH CryptidCrew or #CryptidCrew otherwise its a normal ACNH blog.

My current villagers and their backstorys are below the cut! ⚠️UNDER CONSTRUCTION! ⚠️

Island Name: Cryptid

Airport Color: Blue

Native Fruit: Apples

Native Flower: Hyacinth

Main Plot: Cryptid is cookie's purgatory after dying on the plane ride to the Island. Tom Nook is the creator and overseer of the limbo plane and his goal is to keep cookie happy. His motives are a mystery.

Also important to note there is a bit of magic that is canon such as transmutation (turning furniture into leafs and such). Levitation (some items float.) And so on. Cookie is practicing to become a sorcereress!

cookie (the human not the pink dog)

• As stated before cookie is dead but as of now she doesn't know it yet. Tom Nook will do his best to keep it that way.

• cookie watched a video about Mothman on the fly over to the island which inspired her to name it Cryptid.

• Sherb, Shino, and Flurry are her island besties. Sherb is like her little brother, Shino is her love interest, and Flurry is her rock.

Muffy

□

• Muffy is the quiet mysterious goth of the island. She likes to say bad things are good and vise versa. Kinda like the Addams family.

• She has a mutual crush on Pietro but as of yet they are not together.

Ribbot

□

• (COMING SOON)

Sherb

• Sherb is cookies favorite.

• Sherb's past is a bit of a mystery but from what cookie has gathered it is not a happy one. Sherb's parents somehow lost custody over him and he moved in with his grandparents. The whole situation caused him so much distress he began to "hear" bugs talk to him.

• Sherb doesn't let the past bother them however as he trusts in cookie to keep him happy and safe. They are snack buddies forever.

• He had a onesided crush on Lolly.

Shino

• Shino's father is the ruler of the eighth ring of hell (going based on Dungeons and Dragons lore). He sent his daughter Shino to go to Tom Nook's limbo plane of existence and collect the lost souls. But the moment Shino arrived on the material plane she fell in love with the people and culture and traditions. Now she is trying to somehow break her fathers ties of her and find a way to defeat him.

• Shino deeply cares for cookie she just can't decide whether to keep her close or if it would be safer to keep her at a distance.

Flurry

□

• Flurry is cookie's voice of reason. The two rely on each other in a sister like bond.

• Flurry may seem sweet and innocent (and she is!) but she also loves a little bit of a edge to her. Her uncle is Marlo the mob boss.

Pietro

□

• Pietro is a loud, playful, and colorful clown who loves to play harmless pranks.

• He knows what it is like to be hated so when the quiet mysterious Muffy rolled into town, he immediately set out to befriend her. It's very clear to everyone else that they are in love.

Petri

□

•

Marlo

□

• Marlo came to Cryptid for one reason. To hire a naive bellionaire human into growing his business. The moment he saw cookie he knew he could easily manipulate her.

• First it started with a gift. The day he moved in Marlo pulled some favors and got KK Slider to find her island. Cookie was wary of him but offered him a place to stay in Cryptid. This was his in. Threatening Curlos, he moved right into the sheep's home and began his plan. In his eyes it's not an "if" cookie will join him. Its "when."

Deli

□

• cookie found Deli alone on an island and nursed him back to health. Since then he felt as if he owed her a debt.

• Killed Kiki and got away with it.

Extra

□

• (COMING SOON)

Past Villagers: Cherry, Curlos, Antonio, Kiki, Lolly, Sterling, Whitney,

[teratalia]

Funouhan yandere: Usobuki TadashixReader

I wrote most of this while bored at work ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

AO3 link!!

Quick notes: fem reader, ngl I tried to stay as close to canon as humanly possible, description of death, no smut (yet)

“Haha…how pitiful humans are.”

“What?” You turn around, not sure if the stranger was talking to you. “Can I help you with something?”

“Maybe you can.” The man steps up to you, ruffling his messy dark hair with a casual grin. “I’m lost, I think. I’m looking for the closest convenience store, can you direct me?”

“Oh, sure! I’m actually headed there now, if you follow me,” you reply with a friendly smile. You don’t feel the need to be too cautious because it’s daylight and there are plenty of people around, and you keep your wits around you even when guiding this person.

“Thanks. I’m Tadashi, I appreciate it.”

You introduce yourself and shake his hand, which is oddly cold to the touch. Judging by the pale skin and bags under his eyes, you almost liken him to a vampire. Attractive like one too, in a weird way.

“Are you looking for anything specific?” You ask as you head into the store.

“Yeah, cat toys and cat food and cat beds and…”

With a giggle, you point him in the direction of the pet supplies. “New cats, huh?”

“Yeah, they’re a handful,” he says with an exaggerated yawn. “Thanks, miss. Maybe we’ll cross paths again.”

You do your own shopping and leave the store, headed back home. By the time you get home, you notice an extra box that you don’t remember picking up. It’s some of your favorite cookies with a little handwritten note: Thanks for today. Enjoy. - Tadashi

“Wow, how’d he sneak this in my cart without me noticing? Oh well, free cookies,” you shrug, taking a quick look at the box. It was unopened and not tampered with at all, so you happily pop it open and grab a cookie, taking a big bite.

With a hum, you savor the bite, settling down in front of the TV and putting on whatever as you eat. You zone out as commercials play.

“So, how are the cookies?”

With a yelp, you nearly drop the box, spinning to see Tadashi standing nearby, grinning at you.

“How the hell did you get in my apartment?” You yell, scooting to the other side of the couch. He sits at the farthest end, leaning back as if he owned the place.

“The door was left open.”

“No, it definitely wasn’t!”

He chuckles and shrugs. “Believe me or not, are you sure you want to keep eating those cookies? Look again.”

Ice cold fear runs through your veins. Had he done something to the cookies, after all? You open the box again, staring at normal-looking cookies. As he watches, you pick one up, inspecting it at all angles and even sniffing it.

“What’d you do to these cookies, Tadashi? They look normal…but whatever, I don’t want them anymore.” You toss the box at him, which he catches perfectly.

His eyebrows are raised, and he stares at you in shock. Slowly, he smiles again, though there’s something so off-putting about his expression.

“I didn’t do anything, actually. I just thought I’d play a little prank on my new friend.”

“Friend? Since when are we friends? I gave you directions exactly once and then you broke into my place–”

“Came in through the unlocked door–”

“And now you’re insisting we’re friends? Get out already!”

Tadashi full-on laughs as he stands up, taking the cookie box with him. “You’re a fun one, I like you. Be seeing you.”

And you did start to see him after that, the messy-haired man with the cold eyes and dark aura. More and more, you saw him: out of the corner of your eye when walking down the street, chatting casually with your coworkers during your lunch breaks, sidling up to you after work to hang out, inviting himself over to your apartment on weekends with a cat in tow. You didn’t really have a choice in the matter, and somehow you actually did end up becoming friends, though more out of pity on your end. You sensed that he was lonely and probably didn’t have other friends, and that’s why he liked bothering you so much. So you accepted it, let him visit you with cats (an added bonus), let him join you on lunch breaks, let him insert himself into your life little by little. 

At some point, he’d basically moved into your place with his cats, though you made him give up a handful of them for adoption so now you were down to a manageable three. (“And good riddance! You can keep him, young lady!” said his former landlord.) Sometimes he would leave during odd hours of the night and come back at random times, and whenever you asked he simply dodged the question. All he would tell you is that he’s working. On what, you probably wouldn’t ever know, but at least he managed to keep up his part of the rent every month.

One day, the two of you are walking arm in arm through the local park when someone shouts your boyfriend’s name. Surprised because you don’t normally see him interact with others, you turn to see a man in a suit run up to you, looking frantic and frazzled.

“Ah, if it isn’t Detective Tada.” Tadashi sounds pleased. “Have I introduced my girlfriend to you?”

“Oh wow, a friend of Tadashi’s? It’s nice to meet you, Detective.” You shake his hand as he glances between the two of you, clearly a little speechless. Eventually he reins it in and forces an awkward smile.

“Nice to meet you, ma’am. Usobuki is such a troublemaker and I haven’t seen him in a while so I was getting worried.”

You glance up at your boyfriend, who merely shrugs. Did he have run-ins with the law in the past? “He’s fine, he’s with me and our cats a lot. Did you need something?”

“No, ma’am. Just…” The detective narrows his eyes. “There have been some odd disappearances in the area lately. Be careful, okay? Here’s my number if you ever need…help.” Tada glares at Tadashi before nodding to you, slipping his business card into your hand.

“Thanks, Detective.”

“Thanks for your hard work, Detective Tada. See you round.” Tadashi winks and pulls you away before Tada can say anything more. He stares after you with worry etched into his face.

“You’re friends with a detective, Tadashi?” You ask. “Since when?”

“Due to my…work, you could say. I have to work closely with law enforcement from time to time.”

You gasp, looking up at him with sparkling eyes. “You work with law enforcement? How cool! I bet you guys are working on the disappearances, huh? How noble.” No wonder he couldn’t tell you much about the job, it was probably top secret, you rationalize his actions in your head.

He chuckles at your naivety, secretly glad you’re not pressing the topic. “That’s right, babe. And that’s why I want you to be careful, okay? There are all sorts of people out here, not all as nice as me.”

You nudge his shoulder playfully. “I don’t know if ‘nice’ is how I would describe you, sweetie, but if you say so.”

***

After a really difficult day at work, you come home to fling yourself into your boyfriend’s lap, cuddling one of your cats as you ramble about your most annoying coworker.

“Ugh, it’s like Akane has something against me!” You complain, scratching the cat behind her ears. “She keeps trying to throw me under the bus. I’m glad my boss knows I’m a good worker and was on my side, but what is her deal? It’s like she’s trying to turn others against me. Our other coworker, Yuuto, even told her to back off.”

“Hmm…” Tadashi hums quietly, rubbing your back in soothing circles. “Would you like me to help you?”

“You’re already helping,” you mumble, nuzzling into him as your cat purrs in your arms. “And little Hazuki is also very helpful, aren’t you, girl?” She meows her agreement. Satoka and Suzuki are both curled up nearby, napping together in a patch of sunlight.

“No, my dear. Is there a…request you wish me to fulfill?” His voice is quiet in your ear, tone light with something odd simmering below the surface.

You stiffen as a chill runs down your spine. You’re not sure if he’s joking anymore, and you’re afraid to ask what he means.

“N-no, it’s fine,” you mumble. “It’s just some petty squabbles, is all.”

“Are you sure? You don’t want me to, say, make this Akane stop bothering you at work?” Why does he sound hopeful?

“No, Tadashi.” You try to be more firm. “Whatever you’re thinking, I don’t want it.”

“Okay, okay.” He sighs, burying his face in your neck. “I’d gladly help you if you would just ask. You could be my favorite client, you know.”

“No, thank you. Don’t bring your work home.”

“No promises.” He gently nips at your neck, making you giggle.

Unfortunately his work does end up following you, in the weirdest of ways. Barely days after that little chat, Tadashi’s mood starts to change. You notice that he’s more protective of you, pushing you away from the street as you walk down the sidewalk, always there waiting patiently for you to come home from work, sometimes even bringing you back home himself. As you leave the building, you see him stare over your head at someone, and turn just in time to see Akane walking away. Maybe you saw that wrong, because how would he possibly know what she looks like? 

As all this is happening in your home life, there’s an odd shift at work as well. Akane starts being nicer to you, offering to grab you a coffee or buy you lunch every so often. Even as she smiles at you, it never reaches her eyes. Eventually you call her out for being so weird with you, and she sighs.

“Look, I just wanted to apologize for being so nasty to you this past year. You’re not a bad employee at all; if anything, you’re a great employee. We all know it. I just have a hard time apologizing. Tell you what, can I treat you to some food tonight? I’ll buy you dinner, how about it?”

You agree, albeit reluctantly. If this makes her stop being weird, then fine.

When you mention this new plan to your boyfriend, his expression doesn’t change. “Have fun,” is all he says.

You go out to meet her that night, and she takes you to this expensive, exclusive sushi place. You’re escorted to a private room and they just start bringing out dish after dish, with heaps of side dishes and alcohol to go with it.

When you look to Akane, she just says, “It’s on me. Enjoy it.”

She pours the both of you a drink and clinks glasses with you before taking a sip. Following suit, you drink, only to notice that the liquid tastes off. There’s a strange saltiness that it shouldn’t have, and you put the glass down and gag a little.

“What is that? If it’s expensive, you need to get your money back.”

Akane laughs, practically cackling. You stare in horror as she reveals a small bottle filled with cloudy, translucent liquid, marked with a blank label.

“I can assure you, I’m getting my money’s worth. Just not in the way you think.”

Throwing the little bottle down onto the table, she stands, laughing even louder. 

“Finally, I’m getting rid of you! My biggest rival.”

Rival? You never thought of her as more than an annoying coworker, so did she see you as an arch nemesis this whole time? You think it would probably make things worse if you told her that she was never more than a brief thought in your mind, so you kept quiet.

“Yes, you’re a good employee, but you’ve always been so stuck up! You always thought you were better than me!”

“You could have just, I don’t know, worked on improving your skills instead of focusing on me?” You mumble under your breath. Akane is too wrapped up in her monologue to hear.

“And even Yuuto, my darling Yuuto, stood up for you and defended you!”

“Darling?” You ask incredulously. “Isn’t he married? Isn’t this year his fifth marriage anniversary?”

“So what?” She screeches, nails gouging into the wooden table. “He knows that we are meant to be! I know that he will leave his wife for me…when I finally get rid of you.”

“Yuuto and I are just friendly coworkers,” You say, trying to calm her down. “Neither of us have said anything remotely flirtatious. Like, ever.”

“Oh, shut up! You might have fooled everyone, but you never fooled me! And now, within the hour, you’ll be gone and I’ll be here to take your place! At work, and in Yuuto’s life!”

Right, the liquid she snuck into your cup. You guessed it was poison, but really it only tasted like overly salty water. And you didn’t feel any different, so maybe you could bide your time and get to a hospital.

“Okay, I think that’s enough.” Tadashi gave a heavy sigh, entering the private room.

“Ah, Usobuki! You’ve already fulfilled your end of the bargain, and now my rival will die, so I don’t need your services anymore.”

“Yeah, about that. We’ve had a change of plans, actually. Look at the bottle again.”

Akane picked it up and gasped. “It…is this even poison? It doesn’t look like it! What did you do, Usobuki?” She glared at him, but something in his expression turned her anger into horror.

“It is poison, actually. But are you sure you put it in the right cup?”

Instantly, she reeled back, clutching at her own throat. 

“No…no, why…this isn’t what I wanted…”

A dark chuckle. “No, it’s what I wanted.”

“Th-then if I’ll die, I’m going to take her with me–!”

You reel back in your chair, but she doesn’t head your way. Instead, she lunges into the table between you, sending plates flying. Akane makes a choking sound, and you realize something is lodged in her throat.

“It’s just a small rice ball, spit it out!” You cry, frozen in place.

“Is it just a rice ball? They did bring out sea urchins, too,” says Tadashi, and Akane’s eyes bulge. Spots of blood appear all over her neck, as if it’s being punctured from the inside. Eventually, Akane’s whole body goes limp, eyes rolling in the back of her head, never to open again.

It’s hard to breathe. You can’t figure out what just happened, and your chest heaves as your eyes fill with tears.

“Hey, hey. Look at me. It’s okay. Breathe with me slowly.” Tadashi is kneeling in front of you, blocking the view of the scene behind him. With his help, you get your breathing under control, but you still can’t stop from crying.

Gently, he pulls you up, bringing you out of the private room. The restaurant host sees your distress and asks about it.

All you can say is, “I couldn’t help her,” while trying not to burst into loud sobs. 

“I think her friend was allergic and just didn’t know,” explains Tadashi as he guides you out of the building. Before you know it, you’re back at home, curled around a pillow in bed crying your eyes out as the cats gather around you, clearly worried about you.

The next day, you wake up with a headache, eyes still stinging from crying yourself to sleep. Gratefully you grab the painkillers and wash them down with the glass of water, all conveniently on your nightstand, only for the memories of last night to come rushing back. You double over, coughing on your water, hoping that the pills you just took weren’t poison after all.

“My dear, you’re awake.” Tadashi appears at your side out of nowhere, patting you on the back. Instantly you recoil from him, putting pillows as a barrier in between you. As you finish your coughing fit, Tadashi smiles sadly at you.

“L-leave me alone,” you gasp. 

“Oh, my darling. Normally I’m used to horrified stares, but I don’t like it coming from you.” His pout, which you would normally find charming, just makes you angrier.

“If you aren’t going to leave, then explain,” you practically spit at him, glaring daggers.

“I had hoped you would never find out, but I suppose it had to happen. So. My mysterious job that you don’t know about. I’m an assassin. I take clients who put murder requests at a certain phone booth in the city.”

He says all this so casually that you almost don’t believe him, but you couldn’t begin to understand yesterday without this.

“You kill people.” Your voice is a nearly unrecognizable monotone. “But how did you kill Akane without touching her?”

Tadashi explains to you about his method of killing. As much as you don’t want to hear it, you feel like you need to know, so you listen to him describe his hypnotism and tricking people into hallucinated deaths or suicides.

“It is the ultimate defense, the impossibility defense. Because who can convict me when there is zero physical evidence of me doing anything?”

You stare down at the pillow in your lap as you clutch onto it like a lifeline. 

“Akane was the client who introduced me to you way back then,” Tadashi explained.

You could barely look him in the eye anymore, but you motion weakly for him to continue.

“She wanted you gone for a while now. That first time she commissioned me to kill you was the day I first met you, and you guided me to the store. You were supposed to eat the cookies, see them as acid-covered balls of razor wire, and choke to death.” He says all this so matter-of-factly, it makes you sick. “But that didn’t happen. You’re immune to my hypnotism, my dear, and that’s what makes you special.”

“So why didn’t you just kill me some other way?” you whisper.

He shrugs. “Didn’t want to. Not like that. And I decided I already liked you. So I hypnotized Akane to forget that she ever requested your death. But she ended up trying again, so this time I’d had enough of her and decided to get rid of her before she did something to you herself.”

Don’t justify killing her like you’re doing it for my benefit, you think to yourself.

“So you’re a murderer who never does his own killing and can’t be proven to be a murderer. Yet you call yourself an assassin, like it’s cool? Like a vigilante or something? But aren’t you doing this for your own sick pleasure?”

For a moment, you worry that your sharp words might anger him, but he simply laughs. “Isn’t it interesting to watch how humans think, the way they act? Such fools, thinking they can get rid of their problems so easily by hiring me. But humans are so foolish, so hopeless. I do this because they ask me to. And I’ve steadily lost faith in humanity…until I met you.” He pins you with his intense gaze. “You’re different. Any darkness in you is dwarfed by the light. You could have asked me to get rid of Akane, and I would have gladly done so for you. But you never did. You even tried to help her after she tried to kill you with salty water. I find you fascinating. Won’t you help me regain my hope for humanity?”

Stunned, you say nothing. He caresses your face gently before getting up and leaving, probably to give you some space.

The cold touch of his skin lingers on yours, sending shards of ice into your heart. What does it matter that you don’t fall for his hypnotism, when you’re trapped with him regardless?

The door opens a crack to reveal a cat, pushing his face through to meow at you. Suzuki trots up to you, jumping into your lap and rubbing his face against your shirt.

You know that the cats can’t open the doors by themselves, so Tadashi must have opened it for him. Why did he have to be so nice, even after all this?

Lying down with the cat in your arms, you shut your eyes, stinging with unshed tears. You pretend not to notice that Tadashi is peeking through the doorway at you, brow furrowed with quiet concern.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Another Level rant/update 😬

I'm posting the rant that I started the other day when responding to an ask!!

You can read it below the cut 😊

When it comes to Another Level, I love the story so much. Obviously, I adore the characters. Another Level gave me Rinko. And I never imagined she'd become what she has. She's grown and taken on a life of her own that I never expected, and it's made me love her so much more. What's getting to me recently is that I honestly am just tired of the conflict in canon. It's stressful and exhausting to deal with.

As I've been trying to write for Horizon of Chaos, I realized that the events in the manga have really shaped how much I feel about writing anything for the month in between. It's really hard to write cute and happy when I know something that big is coming up. Our proverbial 'beach episode' is so much harder with shit like that looming on the horizon, even though they're going to make it through.

It makes me want to skip past it completely and go to the happily ever after. But that would feel wrong. It would feel half-finished. It wouldn't feel like the proper resolution after so much has happened.

It's also, if I'm being honest, getting a bit outside of my comfort zone. Because I've stuck as close to canon as I possibly could throughout the entirety of Another Level, and diverging so heavily now is a bit daunting.

To give a bit of a "behind-the-scenes" perspective, I'll share a secret that might not be that much of a secret: When I first started writing Another Level, back when I wasn't even sure if I was going to post any of it, I was determined to stick with canon no matter what. Meaning if Gojo died in canon, he was going to die in Another Level. I even had two plans for endings. For if he lived or died.

But, after writing a bit, and figuring a few other things out, it felt cruel to rip that chance at happiness away from them after they've been through so much. They've worked so hard and been through so much, and while JJK itself isn't meant to be a bright and happy story, I started writing Another Level specifically to deal with all that shit, so why make it darker than it needs to be when I don't have to?

I don't remember exactly when I made the decision, but at some point very early on I decided, 'Fuck canon if he dies. Gojo and Rinko are getting a nice happy ending together where they live long lives together and have cute lil babies.'

Another Level Gojo feels so close to canon that he feels like canon sometimes, as many of you have pointed out and said you like about him (thank you so much btw, it is greatly appreciated 🥹). But he has layers of character depth that he's gained through knowing Rinko that canon Gojo doesn't have.

Canon Gojo was perfectly happy dying to someone stronger. Because that meant he got to just be 'Gojo Satoru' and not 'The Strongest.' He was fulfilled and happy to die that way, leaving the rest to his students.

Another Level Gojo is tired. He's been fighting his entire fucking life. He's been blamed for shit his entire fucking life. And he's found the one person in the world who loves him and sees through all that bullshit, and he wants to finish this garbage and just have some quiet time to live his life being an idiot with this woman who has stayed by his side and seen the human in him since the beginning.

Another Level Gojo is going to want to be truly selfish. He's going to feel cheated dying now. As you saw in the most recent part of Horizon of Chaos, he's not ready to leave just yet. He wants more time with Rinko.

Because Rinko has always seen Gojo Satoru, the dumbass who does stupid shit and is just an overgrown child who never got to be a kid. And she's indulged him by giving him cookies and letting him have those moments of vulnerability with zero judgment for things that others spent years blaming him for. She was one of few people who never faulted him for not killing Geto sooner. Gojo knows how much she hated Geto by the end because of what happened to her kids, to Touma. But she has still maintained that she understands that he was his best friend and expecting him to react any differently than he did would be asking too much of anyone.

Remember one of the things she's told him during a moment of vulnerability?

"Even the strongest fail."

She has always seen his moments of genuine weakness as something to love and not something to break him down for. And he is so ready to just spend the rest of his life showing her just how much he loves her for it. So he will.