#HOW HARD IS IT TO LET THEM BE SOFT??
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ayakunis · 3 months ago
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emotionally fragile
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 month ago
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Congratulations to TEAM CHEESE for winning the popular vote on the Charcuterie poll!
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jesuis-assez · 29 days ago
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↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x01 - Impact
#chenford#chenfordedit#the rookie#therookieedit#tim x lucy#tim and lucy#lucy x tim#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#jesuis-assez edits: chenford scenes 2x01#🤣Love it. Look at him staring her down.#Sir... That's your future wife.#2x01 hits different now that we have some more insight into Tim's past.#To see him so pressed here because she didn't report him.#He's seeing himself in her choice to not report him. His past self.#He's got the emotional walls back up and she's only going to tear them down again.#Darting his eyes back and forth with hers and that .. JAW CLENCH 💖I love those jaw clenches. Is this affecting you Tim? 🤭#In more ways than one. Her being kind to him in light of him knowing this#Catapulting his mind back to the person 'he used to be' and how hard he has tried to shake that choice he made all those years ago.#How hard he has tried to redeem all of that for it to come crashing back in the form of his rookie who was trying to protect him.#Because she's supposed to be different from him. She's supposed to be better. And he's mad at her for making the same choice.#But he's also mad at himself. Because he's supposed to be better and he's supposed to be different now.#Even though he isn't all that different. He was falsifying reports to protect Isabel.#He's supposed to be training her to be better and she made the same choice he made.#So his course of action is to rev up the training some more. Maybe he was too soft and lenient with her towards the end of s1#and he lost sight of his training methods and how rules matter.#but he also lowered his walls and was vulnerable with her. He let her in.#And he's going to keep letting her in despite how much he tries to resist.#with every act of kindness she shows him... the walls break down and soften a little#until all that remains is Tim's unwavering tenderness for Lucy.#that only seems to grow more in her presence and influence.
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sistersgrimm13writes · 6 months ago
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I have one last Furiosa post for the day (before I have to get back to writing and editing the fifth chapter of my completely self-indulgent, non-canon retelling of the FuryJack love story) and it is specifically in regards to the scene where she almost stabs him after waking up from a nightmare.
In the beginning of the scene, they are shown sleeping close together, closer together than any of the other Praetorians, a scant inch of space between their bed rolls. It only shows Jack's face for a micro-second, before the previous scene even fully fades away, and his eyes are shut, presumably because he's already asleep.
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Then it zooms in on Furiosa, in the grips of a nightmare where hands are grabbing at her, but right before it zooms all the way in on her face, we see this:
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Just as she starts to shift uncomfortably, Jack shifts, too, and his hand is already reaching for her. Meaning, that this man was so in tune with her that he woke up from a dead sleep because he could feel that she was starting to have a nightmare. And he doesn't shy away when the reaction to his touch is almost a knife to the face, doesn't try to disarm her or grab for the knife (the one that he gave her the first day they truly met), instead, he leaves his hand loosely circling her wrist as she stops shaking and her breathing begins to slow, staying with her even when she lays back down.
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They know each other so well and trust each other so much, that no words are exchanged or need to be. He just wakes her up when he feels her having a nightmare and holds her the only way he can when they're surrounded by people who mistake softness for weakness, and she lays back down to go to sleep, still staring directly into his eyes as the scene fades to black.
It's incredible that they were able to capture that, that they took the time down to the very frame-by-frame to layer on just how close these two were. Even if you hated the movie, or want the relationship between them to stay super ambiguous, this level of story crafting is absolutely insane and should be commended.
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sysig · 1 year ago
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For the last day of requestober, can you please draw something spooky/scary with Negative RGB? With all the cool lighting stuff you've been doing recently, I think it could be very dramatic, and I'd love to see him in your style!
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Day 31 -Pl̷̼͙̯̼̟̈́͒̃̓͆e̵̢͔̞̤̯͗as̴̨͆̒̏e dö̸̧̢̝̳́͝ not̸̨̞͔̗͆̔͝ͅ ̶̦̋͒a̵̪͋̉̈́̒djus̶̪͔͎̘͈̍́̂̅̚t yö̶̙̺͎́͘u̷͚̙̿̓͆r sc̸̙͍͒rę̸̰̺̣̿̓͌̔̎en̴̏̈́͊ͅ
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dirtytransmasc · 1 year ago
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[mild tw for marital rape/forced 'consent' its only referenced a little, but it feels necessary to mention it]
imagine Alicent only standing up for herself when Aegon is in the picture. Imagine her talking her son to her chambers cause he's fussy and won't go down for bed and was asking for his mum, and she has him tucked close, blissfully asleep, and Viserys calls for her.
she knows she can't refuse, but she tells the servant he had sent to make him aware of Aegon's state. he still demands that she be brought to his chambers and that the babe go back to his nursemaid. she looks down at her baby, who's now woken due to the disturbance, who is staring up at her with soft tired eyes, a little yawn escaping him.
she doesn't want to go, she doesn't want to be forced to take her husband, to pleasure him at her own discomfort. she doesn't want to leave her son, to have him sent back to bed where he will remain restless and in the care of someone who is not his mother. she had never want to refuse more than she did in that moment.
she hesitates, her facade falters. Aegon is still looking up at her as tears well up in her eyes. he quirks his head at her, fingers reaching for her cheeks as if to comfort her. with a sudden conviction, she takes him in her arms, rising from the bed, requesting a robe and a blanket. when her servant looks at her in question, she clarifies that she will be taking Aegon with her and does not wish to rouse him in attempts to dress him. they look at her with shock, but don't voice the concern written on their faces.
they bring her Viserys's favorite robe. Alicent recognizes it from her time with Rhaenyra and Aemma. she's worn it before, Viserys has made sure the servants bring it to her every time he requests her. she hates the way it feels against her skin, knowing why he makes her wear it. she wraps aegon in his blanket, soft and royal blue, his hands beginning to play with its golden tassles as she tucks him inside her robe, pressed to her chest with care.
even as fear bites at her heels, anxiety churning her stomach, she walks to Viserys's chamber with her held high. she knows she is only asking for her husband's wrath; she knows she should just obey him, but she just can't. her son will not suffer a sleepless night and horrid following day all because her husband feels the need to use her body once more. he will not suffer at his father's hands tonight, even if she has to endure Viserys's anger for it.
she enters her husband's chambers, finding him in bed, in a white night gown, clearly ready to use her; he was never subtle when he asked for her, not even the first time.
she pauses in the doorway, pulling back the robe slightly, making him aware of Aegon's presence. she watches his face fall, barely muted anger. she holds onto Aegon tighter. part of her fears he may hurt her for this disturbance, but more of her fears he will hurt Aegon on her behalf.
"I told the damned servants to take him," his voice is warped and cruel, just an angry scowl of sorts.
"Aegon is not well, dear husband... I could not leave him," she admits before he can say anything else. she puts her foot forward as a mother, hoping to claim mercy from the man who made her one.
he mutters something in response, not quite loud enough for her to hear. she has a feeling she is grateful for that.
"what was it you needed, my dear?" she tries to sound sweet and kind, in attempts to abate his anger, "I'm sure I could still attend to it."
"you know what I wanted," he yelled. it had been the first time he'd truly raised his voice to her. she couldn't help but gasp, stepping back one step, than two, stopping when Aegon began to fuss, curling around him instead.
"Please Viserys, the baby." she ducks her head down to press her against his whispy white hair. her son his huffing, as if about to cry, and she's sure if she could see his face, his little cheeks would be red and his eyes would be crinkled and wet, his lip puckered. she begins to rock him slightly, still afraid to move.
"your'e dismissed," he grunts, but his tone gives it away. she knows he doesn't mean it, the if she leaves she will be in more trouble. she questions staying, calling a servant to take Aegon and giving him what he wants, but decides against it. he would not come before her son, not now, not ever.
"I'm sorry, my dear, another night, when I do not have Aegon to tend to," she forces some cheer into her tone, "he is still so young, so helpless. he needs his mother. I'm sure you understand?"
"he is not the only one in need of you." he had not lost his anger yet. not even for the sake of his son.
"yes, of course. forgive me. only he is not as understanding as you, my love." that wasn't the truth, Aegon was more kind and understanding at a year old, than viserys was in all of his years. "I will leave now. I am sorry for the disturbance."
she pauses for a moment, waiting for her husbands reaction. when he doesn't lash out at her, she breathes a quiet sigh of relief, feeling as though she has evaded a great beast. her heart calms in her chest, slowing from its fluttering and her stomachs stops its dizzing ache. she questions turning and running, fleeing from his presence before he can change his mind, but knows better.
she hurries to his side, eyeing him all the while, each step calculated, avoiding cracking any eggshells, until she is close enough to kiss his cheek. he allows it, and gives Aegon grace when he reaches out for him, letting him play with his finger a moment, before pulling it away, not even turning away fully before sneering. she takes that as her cue to leave, this one being much more genuine than the last.
"goodnight dear husband." he says nothing. she takes Aegon's little hand, waving it slightly, "say goodnight Aegon."
her son tries to imitate her, though unintelligible, as a toddler would. she continues to smile and coo at him even when his father ignores him, not letting him feel his father's scorn, quickly turning towards the door and back to her own chambers.
the second the door is close she feels herself sag, she would have fallen to the floor right then and there had there not been kingsgaurd watching. instead she holds her head high once more, walking calm and steady, like a queen should.
Aegon settles his forehead against her collar, giving a great yawn against her skin. she smiles at him fondly, kissing his brow, earning a tired little giggle from him. it hits her that he is unaware of the trouble he just saved her from. she feels equal parts relief as she does terror; she hopes he never knows, never understands, but is so so thankful for it none the less.
the second she steps into her chambers she pulls of the robe, setting it aside carefully despite the pain it brings her, respecting the memories it carried. she pulls back the covers before smothering her and her son amongst them. he's quick to curl against her, quite tuckered out after their harrowing adventure, even if he was unaware of its true weight. she herself still wanted to cry, but was similarly too tired to keep her eyes open for another moment. tomorrow, she tells herself, tomorrow will be difficult, but tonight you have your son, tonight you have a chance to rest.
so she does, she holds him close, tracing fingers over the gold threaded patterned of his blanket, feeling the shifting of his chest as he breathes and the tickle of his hair against her neck. all is well in that moment. she drifts to sleep at the thought.
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secondchoice-ragdoll · 8 months ago
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#T's “what did u call me? do u think whatever that is is hot? okay then good”#i love the tour pic above K!#and i love how they r still plucked abt not being in Dune2#K the avid winker...#its so cute how T is featured on this album of K's too😭😭😭#T wants to be left alone (on the phone) on her bday and K wants attention... well... ((once again relating to K))#T looked at Ks belly in a suprisingly like? soft way? idk i might have hallucinated that but who knows.#fuck whoever didnt visit K when she would have wanted them to.#its sweet how T visited her! (srsly cant u just communicate who wants what in this situation so its no suprise? ik its hard for them but😭)#T describing Ks party attending habits!!! they know each other soooo well🤭#aaagh how they have to act like they cant easily spend 2 hrs together having fun when they literally cant wipe the smiles off of their faces#(lesbians..... lovesick idiots.......)#oh they r always facetiming! so adorable :(#T was so excited that they r linked! like girl u do not need more confirmation for that research do u?😭#K watching the pod...... my heart......#why dont they just sit closer if they will reach across a whole fucking room to touch eachother?? like it sounds easier for me but u do u!#i really get a kick out of K mentioning TRHPS anytime she does it bc ik it was such a big thing in Ts life and ugh😭#constantly praising each other😭😭😭😭😭 what if i start sobbing huh#well maybe T is trying to get K to learn how to flirt so that she can practice on her? just an idea?😁#K putting her leg up on T?????? hi what? jist sit in the other's lap u creatures... its okay we can all look away for a sec if u need it...#their art! i fucking love it! both of it! its art at its finest🛐 and id kill to see a collection of their drawings bc cmon they r amazing!#its cute how they r talking abt smth and then they go “oh wait we were there together!”#its almost as if they actually spend time hanging out😱 (dont let the police know!!4!4)#“if we were on DR now-” okay but why r u still dreaming of that miss T?🤭🤭🤭 (who could blame her)#them watching the movies the other one recommends is the closest we can get to them watching an actual thing together (outside of NF)#also im so happy T spent time w K on her bday :(((#trixie mattel#katya zamo#tbatb#the brians
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meganechan05 · 1 year ago
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Been doodling a lot of RitaMorf... Specifically Time Skip RitaMorf...
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fate-defiant · 2 years ago
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Doodled this in aggie.io to try it out. Would anyone be interested in doing a drawing collab sorta thingy sometime?
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bloodbathfortwo · 8 months ago
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What does everyone think of Nigel Forbes-Colbie ever getting pregnant? It doesn't matter how you interpret it: Omegaverse, males can get pregnant Au, Trans! Nigel. Just tell me your guys' headcanons of Nigel's pregnancy: The changes, the hardships, the softness, and the vulnerabilities.
#murderous intent#like minds 2006#like minds#alex forbes#nigel colbie#Alex Forbes X Nigel Colbie#Nigel Colbie x Alex Forbes#If you guys haven't noticed my recent posts I've been feeling way too soft for this fandom#Like#Too soft#And it's both Nigel and Alex's fault for making me too soft when all I want is to cause chaos and do crimes#To be honest I'd like to Imagine Nigel's pregnancy as an arduous one: Swollen feet . Sore back. Weird cravings. Mood swings. Everything.#And he isn't used to seeing himself get swollen with life each and every day. While Alex is so gullible first thing in the morning because#of the baby bump growing every single day. And Nigel getting rounder every week.#Sure. Nigel is enjoying being pampered by Alex with all these services and gifts but sometimes he thinks that he isn't that attractive#Anymore for Alex. And that while he's carrying his children he will leave him like a used toy.#He'd have instances where he'd feel conflicting feelings for their child and think of possibilities of removing her from his body#But he'd soon regret it. He just breaks down into tiny little pieces of ever thinking of their daughter that way. His and ALEX"S#He can never stomach killing her. He can never stomach ruining her beautiful life that he has yet witnessed.#He still has his self-harm tendencies but he avoids it. He avoids harming his angel. His miracle. His life.#He wants to be a good father to his child. He wants to nurture her. Feed her knowledge and love. Cater to her needs and be at her beck#and call: be a father.#Alex knows what's happening to Nigel. They talk. And they talk everyday. He knows how much it can be hard for Nigel during his pregnancy#And he will always be there to protect his spouse and his unborn child.#He will spite their original purpose in order to create their own purpose. Which Nigel had a hard time letting go of.#It was hard. Seeing the history that made them into the people they are today. But it had to#they had to change#change for their family.#For their miracle.#And Nigel seeing Alex being this doting makes him fall for him ten times more
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quillkiller · 10 months ago
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I love effiebarty please give me some headcannons surrounding them but also what about montyeffiebarty?
i see your montyeffiebarty but i will have to leave you to it❤️ my barty does not get along with the potter men. he hates james with a passion, and he hates monty too :/ he cant stand either of them
anyway!!! some hc’s!!!
1. barty is so entirely whipped. hes at effies beck and call. he’ll do whatever she wants whenever she wants
2. effie absolutely knows this and basks in it
3. a leash comes into use a lot :/ barty brings it up first
4. barty is nowhere near rich enough on his own to get effie pretty things like monty can but he’s good at stealing. he’s a great pickpocket. he’ll text effie at a gala (shes there with monty 😔) if she shees anything she likes, she texts back that mrs whatshername has a pretty necklace, then they meet up in some closet space and he gives it to her and then hes on on his knees and her leg over his shoulder
5. effie gets a tattoo and barty gives it to her. he’s good at them. its a small tattoo. she doesnt have any others
6. they sext a lot
7. they make sure to have sex in every single room in monty and effies mansion. barty especially loves ruining their marital bed
8. monty finds out at some point
9. post monty finding out, effie buys a small mansion for herself and doesnt even ask if barty wants to move in. she just tells him to
10. he’s her housewife. wears an apron and everything. waits on his knees by the door like a dog when shes expected to come home
11. they dont stop going to galas and fundraisers and what not. effie doesn’t give a single shit and they get looks and barty’s throat is covered with hickies and while hes not wearing a leash in public he might as well be with the way he doesnt leave her side
12. barty goes no contact with his father at some point. he always tries to talk to (or yell at, or hit) barty whenever they’re at the same function but effie stands infront of barty like an unbreakable wall
13. they go to museums a lot. and they travel. they enjoy reading aloud to each other. especially in the bathtub or barty propped up against the headboard and effies head in his lap. they go to the cinema and they both like silent film. effie likes french new wave the most tho
14. they have a pool and like roleplaying pool boy and married woman. like how they met <3
15. effie gets more tattoos
16. barty gets an effie tattoo. obviously
17. effie doesnt ask him to marry her. she tells them they’re getting married that afternoon. they bring the leash
18. barty is insanely jealous so hes mean and blunt to whoever he thinks is flirting with effie
19. effie dresses barty up. a lot. be it in their own home or when they’re going to a function. barty is her little plaything and barty is happy to do whatever she wants
20. they’re very happy <3
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loumauve · 4 months ago
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the goddamn toast water post just made me utter "history is fucking real" in the most solemn and serious tone of voice, out loud, to myself, in the goddamn bathtub
#life is ridiculous and I'm its biggest clown#in my defense it's not even 9 am and I woke up at 6 for some reason (the reason prob being that I start work at 6 atm)#so I chose (violence) reading Stray Gods fic in bed for a few hours followed by the need to just vibe in the bathtub#I've only just had my coffee and a slice of cold pizza leftover from yesterday and it's such a uni-days thing to do#I've kinda missed it. tho I wasn't drinking coffee back then (how the fuck did I survive mornings without it??)#anyway. feeling very soft and tender abt my past self today. I miss her even if she was just as much of a mess. in different ways#the kind of mess who would openly flirt with some strange dude she didn't really know over the phone#the kind of mess who moved across the country just for a chance at trying with sb she liked who really never wanted to date her#the kind of mess who's always fallen for her best friends and who'll likely never stop#the kind of mess who feel so damn hard for a woman 15 yrs older than her just bc she was kind and sweet and a mess herself#the kind of mess who moved in with a friend she was solidly in love with for a bit who had her boyfriend over most nights#just.. it's not all about those feelings but they're decidedly a big part of why I've ever done anything#and I will prob always miss the friend who'd lie on the train platform with me just giggling into the night as ppl walked past#her head on my stomach and me just feeling so high it felt like I'd never stop floating (just for a while though)#I guess what I'm trying to get at here is that Mi miss just letting my feelings take me places even at the risk of losing it all#I'm so much more hesitant and guarded now. and sure part of it is being medicated for my bipolar. it's good that I don't call strangers#and almost invited them over. or that I no longer walk barefoot through the city at night by myself (usually)#but I do miss just idk. intimacy I guess. and how easily it used to come to me to just try and be open abt wanting it I guess#oh well. best be getting out of the bathtub. it's not a good place to be with these thoughts. and it's too early for this anyway#a day in the life of..
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 5 months ago
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how do terfs grapple with the fact that they're white supremacist losers who think that women are weak essentially like adult babies but that they also bear the apparent brunt of all human pain... liiike ok which narrative are we going with
#you can't have it both ways and i thought the whole point of a 'women empowerment movement' (they aren't that. don't worry. ik)#was that women were strong and capable of doing anything... but then they complain about women losing sports#like first of all why is SPORTS of all things the crux of your entire argument on gender theory#and second of all sports are not cooshy soft shit anyways... they've always been incredibly violent (varies depending on the sport ofc)#like especially if you're going to the olympics for boxing i do not know why you'd expect not to get hit hard LMAO??? it's not like she died#it's this narrative of women's fragility that really only comes into play with white women bc let's be real here... terfs are mainly white#and also is so funny to put into a sports argument because not only are you making women look bad by essentially saying they#aren't good at whatever sport they're playing and therefore need to have a strict sex-based caste system in place so they can win#and also never get any injuries??? in sports??? which are highly competitive and where most injuries happen???#but also you're saying that physical strength is directly proportional to gender which is also very much not true. if that dumb bitch#was up against a different woman who was like a bodybuilder or weight lifter she still would have lost because she fucking sucks#meanwhile so many men have fucking noodle arms. it's just ridiculous to push this narrative like someone being biologically male doesn't#make them better at sports or stronger just like being biologically female doesn't make you worse at spoets or weaker#people are sooooo fucking different more than you could even imagine with your little peabrain#but you wanna be racist and evil so bad because you don't like cock and balls on women#this is just embarrassing at this point like some people aren't born completely one way or the other and some have hormone imbalances.#doesn't make them any less of whatever they are.#i don't understand why fucking genitalia gets people so tripped up but of course of society is so sex-based how can it not i guess lmao#imagine getting so scared that someone w/ a penis is going to rape you on a constant basis that you basically say we need to be eugenicists#you realize you can hold men who rape people accountable AND be a decent human being... right? it's actually very easy
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edenpoise · 8 months ago
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“I will never let you go.”
⁽ @metaladam ⁾ ― : meme ( accepting ) from here .
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E . ― YOU HAVE PARK-TAKEN IN THE FORBIDDEN FRUIT- AND SHALL BE CAST FROM EDEN. Cast from Eden. Cast from EDEN- CAST FROM EDEN- The bile that had risen to her throat as the consequences of her foolish actions begin to play out in front of her. The words haunting and echoing through her ears- the once INNOCENT &. CHEERFUL woman having faded - the realization that this wasn't a g a m e anymore. That the ANGEL dressed in white and gold wasn't around to use his SERPENT tongue to surprise her- to tell her that it was a j o k e. That she hadn't just ruined PARADISE.
But nothing like that came- there was no g e n t l e words that promised her freedom. There was no redemption for merely allowing her curiosity to rule over her choice.
In bitter sense, she could still taste the sweetness that cursed APPLE was drenched in. She could still feel the overflowing of KNOWLEDGE that suddenly overcame her- the once excitement to tell her p a r t n e r- to give him the gift of choice. All of these emotions were no longer.
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Fearful. Scared. Sick. Embarrassed. Defeated.
Those words described her now- as her legs trembled and eventually gave out beneath her- knees crashed against the grass. Her arms gripping her bare shoulders as she nearly slid into a hunched over ball- her breathing never felt so hitched before- like she couldn't even take in something as simple as a breathe. Everything she use to find so easy, now was more difficult to do. The thoughts that rushed through her mind- the temptation to scream, to beg, to simply plea that she had done was a simple mistake. A mistake that she could fix- that it hadn't been her fault- ! That she never would've broken the ultimate rule if it hadn't been for- ! That she was innocent in all of this, that she didn't want this !
Despite the still warmth of Eden surrounding her- she had never felt more cold. Despite the bright gardens that surrounded her- promising a Paradise, but no longer for her. There was a simple thought that crossed her mind now, ' How can I continue ? '
Suddenly it was warm again- as a body much bigger than her own suddenly wrapped around her- nearly bringing her back life as a gasp escaped her. Her head tilted up, vision blurry from the tears that no longer threatened to fall ( for she had no strength remaining to keep them from her cheeks ) - even with blurry vision, she could see his gold eyes. She could see the disappointment, the anger, the ... f e a r. But there was something else, something that caused her to hiccup in pause- her body continued to shake as realization came down upon her. Her punishment was no longer hers to bare alone. And as she came to realize this, Eve felt her world shatter and rebuild itself around her, eyes widening in the brief moment as his voice broke through. Almost instantly vanishing her troubled thoughts-
" I will never let you go. "
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She stared in disbelief- for how could she imagine someone willing to say that to her now. For someone to look at the ORIGINAL SIN and dare to speak like that- to give up a life of PARADISE- Eve finally found her voice, shaking as her tears feel rapidly, " I've ruined us ... " She uttered, voice broken as her body leaned forward- closer to the embrace. Closer to h i m. " I've ruined us ... Adam ... " Eve cried to him, her guilt overwhelming her as she had come to her senses. Her actions would ruin them both, her actions would punish them both. She was dragging Adam down with her, and she never felt more horrible than she did now. Face burying deep into his shoulder as she sought the only comfort she could now gain, the only person that would continue to be by her side- even in the face of demise. Even as HEAVEN condemned her- even as the last sight of Eden would fade from her vision- that the once warm and comforting lands of a garden would no longer be hers to ever see again. The cold and r e a l world that would instead be forced to face.
Even as they were cast from Eden, the brilliant golden light replaced with the darkness of a slumbering earth- Eve still found herself being selfish a last time- even as her body would succumb to morality- she held him tighter, begging with ever part of her person that if she was to be damned, that she wouldn't be looked at with hatred. That he won't r e g r e t choosing h e r. Her lips opened, a plea falling from them-
" Please don't let me go. "
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girlcrushau · 10 months ago
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#me? about to use tumblr as a diary again? in 2024? unfortunately:/#but here have a waterfall i saw on a hike last week as payment#i am sO tired and exhausted emotionally after dating#there's this guy that i fr thought was going to last and be around for a long time. we spent like every moment together that we could for 2#months straight and if we werent physicaly together we were texting or calling or on ft . just every part of our day had the other in it#not once did i ever feel unwanted undesired or uncared for. not once did i feel that i wasnt sure of his intentions. i felt safer with him#in those 2 months than i ever did with any one else i could think to compare to.#until one day he just didnt think it important to communicate any more. after 3 days of nearly nothing .. hardly any talking . i asked if#he was ok if we were ok. what was going on in his head. he said some ive just been with my buddies and family and havent been on my phone#and just. immediately thats heartbreak yanno. thats :// thats what they say when theres a new girl. but there'd never been a reason to think#there was another girl so i was like ok we're gonna trust bc this dude has been So good in every way. so i said imy but i understand. enjoy#your time with your buddies and with your fam -- i cant wait to hear about it (and hold you)#and i havent heard from him in the 3 weeks since. just randomly#so last night#i send the dreaded 'i miss you' text.#i dont expect to hear back and i accept the hurt that will come with that and the confusion that i've felt settles deeper into my heart#until this afternoon i hop on ig and see a hard launch that was posted an hour after my text was sent#that shit kinda hurt different. but also sent me into a bit of a delirious state where all i could do is laugh bc are you for fucking real#did she see my message? i know it. bc i know him and i know that he wouldnt hide anything from the person he's giving his heart#and his softness to. i can almost imagine how he showed her and promised her theres nothing to worry about#and there really isnt anything to worry about because he genuinely is the type to give his all to the relationship he's in#which feels silly to say after what happened w us. like no there wasnt a title ever#it sucks to call it a situationship because a month ago we were laughing in bed together about how we could never bc we were all in.#just the timing of the hard launch makes me giggle. did my text push them to have a conversation about what they are. was she really the#reason that he went away on me.#im trying not to blame myself . trying not to think about the phone calls i didnt answer. about what i could have done differently. trying#not to think about where we would be if i didnt let my anxieties hold me back. if i wasnt scared about what he'd think of the parts of me#that i keep hidden just a little bit longer than the rest.#and at the same time im trying not to put him on a pedestal. but that pedestal is just where i wholeheartedly believe he belongs#he set the bar for me. he set the standard. i was never too much. i was never too little. he made me feel perfect just as i am
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clueless1995 · 6 months ago
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i hate the concept of world superpowers so much i hate that it feels like everyone has to pander to the us and that we all have to pay attention to their bullshit because our shitty politicians love to copy them and they have such a pop culture monopoly that their way of life and their dominant cultural values have become normalised here too and for some fucking reason they’re allowed to bomb and sanction or support and arm whoever they want with no repercussions all while convincing themselves and seemingly everyone else that they’re the Good Guys and also the ideal nation we all should aspire to. i would rather kill myself to be honest!!!!!
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