#HES FEELING MOSTLY OK!!! WHICH IS GOOD
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Would be really nice if I could talk to a specialist about Hugo atm... I'm at a loss for what to do and I'm worried I'm going to have to opt for a CT scan or go back to his old medication. It's just continuously expensive and confusing. I know I shouldn't be looking for a fix-all but I at least want some kind of equilibrium. It's exhausting when medication doesn't work...I'm just going to have to wait since I don't think other clinics are fully comfortable treating him without knowing his history.
#cat health#felinehealth#rambles#HES FEELING MOSTLY OK!!! WHICH IS GOOD#but oh my god everything is covered in blood.
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BILLDUMP TIME (with transparency, because I can). Don't mind me, I'm just yeeting my goofy art at some way more talented individuals out of nowhere and then hauling ass back to the security of being a weird silent lurker ahaha
@tesscourtes and @beccadrawsstuff, respectively! These two Bills make a little prism of sorts together because of their recent crossovers on Patreon~ :3c Speaking of which, I highly recommend supporting both these artists! They do fantastic work! (TessCourtes and Beccup)
@qoolk on the left, and @monobmp on the right! I am such a sucker for these outfits~ OuO Go and check these two out, their art is phenomenal!!! >u<
@1spooky2me The most difficult Bill of the lot for me to draw, ahaha... Their art is so incredibly consistent and dynamic, I am, a little envious <:,) A little envious, but mostly impressed, so go look at their amazing art, what are you waiting for
And finally, @ckret2, whose writing is sublimely in-character and just a delight to read - they're a great artist, as well! I simply Could Not resist drawing their Bill in this ridiculous incredible and very fashionable pink feather dress, even though he only briefly wears it in their fic, so I also did a little bonus doodle of him in his standard hoodie to make up for it. XD (Also, as far as I'm concerned, Bill and Mabel were both correct in that lime green accessories make the dress Much Better.)
This is just a small selection of the human Bill designs I enjoy. I may draw and post more later on, who knows! Feel free to reblog with some neat Bill designs, either your own or by other folks - if any of the designs particularly call to me, I'll add them to the little list I've got going~ :D (Alternatively, if you really like my stuff and want me to draw something specific, you could...mmm...perhaps, commission me...? OuO)
Also I'm tagging Billford because uhhhh yeah, sorry not sorry, every single one of these Bills is getting shipped with Ford by the artists in some way or another, lmao
#fanart#gravity falls#bill cipher#human bill cipher#human bill design#billford#bill is just so Gender#regardless of whether or not he's a triangle. just. such Gender. wow#honestly tempted to draw the OG twink!bill and the mangopablo save-the-town!bill just for funzies#i may also attempt to draw alex hirsch's “canon” human!bill but uhhhh who knows LOL#i kinda feel like he made the design extra ugly just to poke fun at the fandom#so the “canon” aspect of it is kinda up in the air for me personally LMAO#not sure if i drew goldilocks!bill thicc enough tbh#just. look. it's hard to draw a person who is as close to triangular as a human can possibly get. ok??? ok#I TRIED AND THAT'S WHAT'S IMPORTANT OnO#in other news why did these turn out so much better than the drawings of my own design??? wtf that's so rude#get it together ME this is fukken embarrassing#btw if i draw something for you and you respond to thank me only to have me say nothing back it's because i am very awkward and anxious lol#there is also the adhd which makes me forget that i failed to respond like a normal person would have ahahahaha o-o#but mostly it's the horrors of being perceived for more than the two seconds it takes to yeet an art at a person O-O#why am i like this? good question! maybe i'll have an answer someday when i can actually afford therapy XD#I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ASLEEP FIVE HOURS AGO
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I wish So Bad that I could confidently recommend lob corp and library of ruina to people because they're both genuinely rly good games and I also need ppl I know to understand the insanity that is project moon but like godddd they are a fucking Investment. Both in time and in brainpower. I generally think ppl exaggerate how hard lob corp is but it's certainly not easy and when it does get hard it gets HARD. Also it literally requires at least one day 1 reset (basically a new game+) to fully beat the game and at this point I've done at least 10. And for lor I'm not nearly as far in and I'm just scratching the surface of the real game but it's a beast of its own. Also 100+ hours and also hard as hell. Like this game does not fuck around with its difficulty spikes it will make you use your brain and it will give you a damn headache in the process. It's also one of my favorite card combat games I've ever played with mechanics that just so beautifully complement each other to create a dynamic and interesting battle system that gives it a completely different vibe and feeling than any other deck builder games I've played to the point where it almost feels wrong to me to categorize them together. But also I am not even slightly joking abt the headache thing every time I play this damn game I close it with a horrible headache and have to take a multi day break. I think everyone should experience this with me <3
#rat rambles#for the record I have not played limbus company nor do I plan to but the cast is rly good and I know a lot of ppl vouch for it#let it be known if I ever do get around to reading limbus stuff I will become obsessed with outis shes so me bait#youre telling me shes a middle aged woman a war criminal and a bootlicker? sign me the fuck up#I <3 crusty dusty women who suck ass#also ofc don is also the beloved but thats a given#the real question would be which of the other limbus women would comsume my life#because theyre all contenders for characters that could make me go insane. for better or for worse.#also reason number 500 that everyone I know should play these games is that its sooooo fun to make project moon ocs#ofc I and I imagine most ppl mostly make nugget ocs (aka your employees and combat units in the first two games)#but like its just fun to make ocs in this world in general#the worldbuilding of this game is like 90% built on 'would that be fucked up or what?' and I adore it for that#theyll just be like yeah theres a whole faction that follows these things called prescripts which can range from super simple stuff to#literally impossible stuff and if you aren't able to follow them you will be killed and theres a guy whos job it is to hand them out and he#has to routinely inform people to their face that they have to destroy their lives or die and it eventually breaks him#and you go ok cool Im still not over the teleporting trains that dont actually instantly teleport but instead travel through pocket#dimensions over the course of thousands of years during which the passengers can be injured and mangled and feel pain but not die and it's#not uncommon for whole societies to be formed in them but once they arrive to their destination the state of all the passengers is#perfectly reverted back to their state uppon entering leading to them being none the wiser of anything that had previously happened to them#and they go yeah haha we liked love town too anyways wanna watch this robot have another mental breakdown#and you go fuck yeah and get your ass handed to you
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fionna and cake having a really underwhelming ending (glob knows if we get a season 2) was NOT on my expectations list at all like genuinely i was ready to be emotionally devastated and screaming endlessly for the next week but.. hm,,..
#fionna and cake#fionna and cake spoilers#mostly in the tags#idk just... hm.. i mean yeah objectively the simon betty closure scene was lovely#but it felt. so fast as well#like theyre just telling us how to feel#which is odd bc AT is usually so good at just letting things speak for themself#letting your brain interpret things in your own way#ALSO WHAT THE FUCK WHY ARE JAY AND DESTINY SO COOL WITH JUST ABANDONING THEIR OLD WORLD? IS FW FINN DEAD OR NOT? WHAT THE FUCK?????#HIS OWN SON AINT GONNA SAY ANUTHING ABOUT THAT? WE CANT SEE IF HES OK? WHAT#HWHATGHHHHG;DFJGFG#I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND THAT DECISION#i was happy to see baby finn bc thank god hes safe BUT THEN ITS JUST LIKE#OH JAY AND DESTINY? HI?#IS YOUR DAD OK JAY? ARE YOUR SIBLINGS SAFE??#FJGKDFLGDFJ#?????
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omgg lol [guy who won't stop going "more like scapeGOATED" voice] now hold! on!! lmao [same guy just saw encanto voice] Hold on!!!
#& [it might be 5am but i'll still see if i can draw some] trackpad homemade reacts. inhales & hands to head/face x9 then walking off#site giving pretty random Suggested assortment there where i was like oh right sure. prob not tumblr keywords captures lmaooo#(plus happened to have it open in firefox) but my god Not the scapegoated literal seers lmfao. whoooo. my god#also it was just really good anyways like right nice. damn#the (queerrr) seerrr the perceiverrr the truth tellerrr the ruinerrr the scapegoat be-errr the internalizerrr the neurodivergerrr#& now i Know there is 0% chance ppl weren't putting ''always a gay cousin or it's you (avuncular edition)'' in that thing#family tree design not even leaving space for the hypothetical kids of this relative we mostly pretend is nonexistent hmm#also that necessarily. it's giving all intents & purposes Disability abt a dozen ways & it's saying [accept that] vs [we'd better fix him]#you don't cite said [it's giving disability] as part of the We All Hate The Horrible Little Freak scapegoating justification & then be like#''actually we don't have to do that anymore b/c he's sooo normal :)'' or not if you're serious about [don't scapegoat your family] anyways#which like oh ok they Are serious so The Weirdo's scapegoating / casting out / lack of support Isn't justified#so he's still weird & you just gotta get over that b/c otherwise. bye. having a natural rat affinity is such a slay btw#& we've all been there like ''you NEVER want two scapegoats talking it's Over if they do'' + littlest kid is like um. they're the best#plankton voice Correct! inhale i'm so impressed like. getting to go ''finally someone Normal'' (serious abt letting someone Be Weird(tm))#which also always counts as like mm hard time suggesting someone's Not queer & also autistic for a start lmao. an award#adding in suggested layers like talking to oneself; talking Oddly / w difficulty; physical uncoordination; rituals ; acting; animal friend#the layer of ''& all that's fine? like?'' again rather than him ever suppressing or even changing it so far as it's suggested#besides that it's observed as Weird like but so? or else what? nonrhetorical: hostility / rescinded support & driving someone off is what?#& that Truth like the [worse treatment / exclusion / scapegoat] oft recipe for someone giving the support they're not getting themself#again Never let the [ppl both experiencing this] talk oh it's So over. or the child who's all i like family support & kindness actuallyy...#obviously also like the complete opposite of billions. knowing what they're about & letting this Just As Beloved crucial guy be So Weird#but billions Also [hmm feels right for our scapegoated guy to Perceive / Tell Truths / openly want/need & then be hurt] now get his ass#anyway [guy who could always go way on could go way on but only has thirty tags & it's 6am & i still mean to try some drawing] voice#remarkable amt of So True & ''it feels like ppl on the same page w/exactly what they're doing are all behind this''#remarkable amount of concentrated My God That Is So A Slay located in bruno all at once. what a gift#sticking to ''sometimes someone In Your Group is Weird. Disabled. deal'' firmly enough there's no ;) oh u can bet we'll Fix Him in the end#everyone always assumes the worst so....me when i'm [always as a kid yearning for Living In Secret Passages]. emile gtmpota?#oh congrats to whatever rando who will be having his dramatic gay reunion w/bruno just out of frame obviously. i perceive#now imagine if That rando was....emile gtmpota! what a crossover event. haunting4haunting. do i have enough tags for this lmao. yea#& having 1 more tag to say: as though the [endless serving] isn't enough bruno's also as close to gender envy as it gets. incl rats; sure
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Honestly my friends, my lovelies, my beautiful followers you are not getting the full experience of this PPG phase unless ur also following my gf @rexscanonwife cuz as we watch the series together we are each falling for a character, her with Utonium and.... okay maybe I like Mojo Jojo a LIIITTLE BIT OKAY 😠😳😠 But like her posts are so fun and deranged and she has the energy and is not afraid to gush, meanwhile I am still in my denial phase so you gotta give me a few days and then Imma be losing it 💖💖💖💖
#mostly not saying a lot tonight cuz in the 3 episodes we watche dthere wasnt a ton of mojo#but what there was. OHHH MAN#guys its bad. its ugly its so so so vile (my feelings)#lile he was sooooooo fucking confident that he finally got the girls for good that#he was just taking his sweet time piling up every deadly weapon in his house. which is a LOT tbh#and he was just soooooooo fucking condident and when he was done he did a gay lil sit aND THE. THE SMUGNESSSSSSS. GOD 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖#ok sorry thats all ur getting out of me. runs away#it was... rly nice to see and especially hear him again after the past 2 days just thinkin bout him 👉👈💖💖💖💖#UGH EW ENOUGH SENTIMENT. GOODNIGHT#ruby rambles#🧬.crsh#jane!🐝
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long tag ramble below u have been warned
#ok i feel like i should say Something before i start being active again#but i dont want it to be a Statement which is why i’m putting it in the tags#(also bc i procrastinated doing this for weeks so i know this is a very stale topic by now#but i also haven’t been on tumblr literally at all so this is 100% my organic authentic opinion lmao)#so read if you gaf and ignore if you don’t#anyway: george def could’ve done more to ensure she was comfortable#and as someone who has also gotten in over my head with older men and regretted it#her hurt is valid and i’m deeply sorry she feels the way she does about that night#but with that said i see no reason to believe george Should have known how she really felt#or that he deliberately took advantage of either her youth/inexperience or her discomfort#and that’s the most important thing for me— he fucked up and misread a situation but that doesn’t make him an evil person#and i hope they can both move on and grow and heal#as for my future in the fandom: i honestly dunno how active i’ll be going forward#i was already becoming pretty disconnected so this might’ve just sped up the process? i’m tired of being put through the wringer#but i also don’t really have a fandom to replace this so i might just continue casually participating in the way i have been#either way rest assured i will never become a rabid anti. that shits embarrassing#i got HORRIBLE drolo rsd the other day when tommy’s mom needed clout and vagued him so like if nothing else. droloisms are forever#also as a last thing— this feels kinda silly and self centered to say but i will anyway#sorry for not opening up my blog as a forum for discussion again the way i did with the drituation#i know i helped a lot of people sort out their feelings and that was (and is) really really important to me#but it also tanked my mental health (mostly as a result of the fallout and not the act itself but still)#plus my life irl was pretty stressful at the time when everything was first going down#so i just didn’t feel up to putting myself through that again#but i’m sorry if anyone wanted to discuss w me but wasn’t able to#anyway. i think that’s all i have to say!#i don’t want to turn this into a capital D discussion but as always my askbox and dms are open#love you all tons! i hope you’re having a good day 🫂🫶#bella talks
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I could play one of the most beautiful well crafted video games on the planet and it will never be as appealing to me as one that kind of sucks shit but has soooo much potential
#merlin.txt#just finished cyberpunk#i feel like they could have done sooo much more with the concepts they had#the game showed us a bit of everything in the world but i dont think they explored any one topic enough#and they pulled a ton of punches. the ending did not feel like this big 'grab your allies and fuck the corpos' thing it shouldve been#it was mostly just tying up johnnys loose end. one big loop. which i fuck with; but it wasnt rlly anticapitalist at all in that sense#i have a bunch of other thoughts on johnny but ill save it#but god. the beginning (act 1 and the first bits of act 2) where just soooo fucking good#and it rlly felt like it was going to gear up into this huge thing instead of just being one last hurrah for rogue and johnny#AUUUGHH theres just So Much Potential. goddamn#imo i think the major thing is that at some point it stopped being v's story. it was everyone elses#he has Very little agency. which is interesting but man this guy deserves better#when it comes down to it the game Is really shallow. whenever there is any sincerity in themes its very centrist#the fact is you dont rlly meet many characters in game who are Truly working to take down corps except for johnny and he doesnt rlly count#and if there Are its usually played for irony and laughs (looking at kerry) or theyre flat out kind of awful.#judys story is probably the best of the companions bc shes actively trying to help sex workers and its played very positively#i also think two of the main themes (letting go of the past; what it means to die) are Majorly helped by some incredible emotional beats#and w/o some just Really Really good scenes and good repetition of lines and motifs its very tropey.#ok i wasnt going to write a full thing. but let me be clear: i fucking loved this game. i would not be writing so much if i did not love it#the sun ending was Still soooo vindicating. v is still kicking and that's all that matters to me#(it helps that v is a Great protag like one of the Best voiced rpg protags next to hawke da2)#(which is kind of a funny comparison since i think both protags suffer from a lack of agency)#ok im done now
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uhh. uhhhhh
#realistically i knw that if i went thru with making animatics for all of these songs I think my hand would fall off BUT. i have brainrot#half of these songs are either here bc of the vibe or because i listened to the lyrics and read analyses and put 2 much effort than i had t#ALSO LISTEN. LISTEN BODYBAG IS EXACTLY EVERYTHING I IMAGINE WHENEVER I THINK OF WUKONG AND MACAQUES RELATIONSHIP OK#two birds and baby hotline is also kind of self explanatory. although most of the jack stauber songs are mostly for vibe#bitter water is a very specific flavor of pining / unhealthy outlook. kind of has like an insatiable vibe to it but idk how to name it#i want soap to be a healing song but maybe im just being optimistic. im here for the vibes although i feel like if swk and macaque were#actually to make up i think they would go into it kicking and screaming. and im frustrated because i cant find a song to match that#except maybe bodybag which AGAIN. THEY ARE SO FUCKING STUPID THATS HOW THEYRE GONNA HEALL FLYING BARK PLS#what if it doesnt end well also feels like a doomed narrative to me. like if you think about it from how their relationship might have st#started (and im probably taking from how everyone romanticizes their relationship as something really innocent or sweet at the start which#i am also not immune to that). but knowing them it is also a very good possibility thats not the case at all. what it is i dont know#primadonna also strikes me as a swk song but like msotly because he serves cunt. on that note I like to imagine rose colored boy as swk to#MK.BECAUSEEE i love how MK brings out the best in people AND AND AND!! 5000 year old immortal who has seen some shit come on people 'and i#have taken my glasses off' COME ON LOOK ATIT. you could also argue that could be macaque to MK and it would make sense#Spotify#Lego Monkie kid#lmk#yapping#playlist#monkie kid
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today in defenses of boromir that no one asked for: tired of reading that boromir’s death was in vain because he failed to save merry & pippin from the uruk-hai. the fact that this clearly important warrior was willing to die to protect those two is what convinced the urukhai that they had indeed captured the halfing who carried whatever important thing saruman wanted. they took the hobbits to isengard (to isengard gard) because they thought they had the right ones! boromir didn’t succeed in preventing their capture but he did in fact keep them alive by making them seem valuable. furthermore, he actually also saves frodo in this way: because the orcs and uruk-hai think they have what they came for, they stop looking and turn back: if they had not, they might have ultimately found and captured frodo or at least raised the alarm that a hobbit with an Important Thing was on the loose, setting others searching. which is the very heart of tolkien’s worldview - that you do the right thing because it is right, and doing the right thing is never in vain.
to conclude this essay boromir died a hero and saved not just merry and pippin but also frodo and sam - and in doing so also saved himself from the ring’s attempt to twist him to its own ends
#YES THIS#I will not stand for trashing Boromir the whole entire reason the ring got to him first was by twisting his love for his people#and his sense of responsibility for them#there’s not a single other member of the Fellowship who has the same weight of leadership on their shoulders at this point in the narrative#don’t tell me about Aragorn yes he leads the rangers but that’s like being a king of cats they do fine on their own mostly#he literally was not convinced to let Gondor even know he was there until this exact moment Because Of Boromir#the only one with comparable protective responsibilities is Gandalf#and the second ranked literal Istari had BETTER outlast the very stressed human man#Boromir didn’t expect to be here man he VOLUNTEERED for the Mordor suicide mission AFTER telling everyone how suicidal it was#literally showed up to ask Elrond about a weird dream and was told#’oh hey yo we’re about to have a meeting about what to do with Sauron’s Ultimate Doom Weapon that just surfaced’#’yeah one of the creatures you thought weren’t real had it in the tiny sheltered pastoral outskirts of your known world’#’yeah we realized maybe we should have some human rep from like actual civilization’#’and not just the brooding forest man with the silly nickname’#’also turns out it’s the guy whose return is the literal point of your entire very difficult job apparently’#’according to the elf who will correct you loudly about it IN THE MIDDLE of a very important meeting full of very important people at which#you are trying to represent your kingdom well’#and then they take FOUR (4) of these little myth guys with apparently no combat skills#why? he may ask??#Gandalf shrugs: ‘they can be sneaky and they grow good weed’#my man is having a TIME ok#YOU try maintaining your mental health under these conditions even WITHOUT the evil Literally Actively Corrupts The Hearts Of Men accessory#which is btw around you 24/7#also no one else in the party wants to take the path back through the kingdom you feel bad for not being an active defender of rn#or rather#the guy who should Probably Already Be There based on the authority he is actively wielding to lead the party doesn’t#and everyone listens to HIM#look to be clear I love and get Aragorn but like#you gotta feel for Boromir here#and then he snapped out of it IMMEDIATELY and was intensely heroic about atoning
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wow i WILDLY miscalculated the difference between kilograms and pounds
#ok so like. going to try to bury these thoughts behind several longer tags just in case someone doesn't want to see numbered weight talk#I'm just fascinated at the difference in numbers from a year ago like it's so fucking wild and strange to us#seeing as we've always been super super underweight we've NEVER experienced this before so we wanna ramble abt it#like our weight just did not change for like 10 years there it was. uncomfortable#but like. ok this time last year we were in and out of the ER barely able to eat a single meal in a day eating mostly foods that make us ill#and we weighed about 90 lbs. so about 40 kilos#which fucking SUCKED it was like everything was going wrong with our body at once it was NOT sustainable#in January of this year we finally started medications that work for us and started getting healthier#started slowly slowly eating more like. at first we couldn't even finish a full meal now we're having multiple meals a day usually#i remember us feeling constantly so ashamed over eating such small portions it felt like such a waste of food#now we eat pretty much nearly normally i think. food sensitivities notwithstanding#and anyway we started noticing that we were slowly gaining weight which we had already entirely wrote off as IMPOSSIBLE#so it was just so insane like. holy shit we were wrong we CAN get better#we reached 120 around June-July which has been our goal weight for years and years but we gave up on it and then it just Happened#now we're hovering around 130 and we can't stop looking at our new belly pouch of fat its very nice to see there#and we decided to calculate kilos#but our brain is stupid as fuck with numbers so we thought 'oh it'll be like a high 40s number probably'#it's nearly 60 kilos#which is a really nice number to see i think we'd want to hover around or slightly above this weight#we don't want to gain too much weight too quickly bc we have noticed the sudden change has messed with our head a bit#we get intrusive dysmorphic thoughts over it bc it's just new and strange to us#but really thinking about it. properly thinking. those are just intrusive no-changes-brain thoughts#this is a good change though. we are absolutely happy over this when older headmates come back into front and find out they get SO EXCITED#like we were updating blank on system stuff and he was like yea yea standard shit for us#and then one of us mentioned our weight and he sat STRAIGHT up like 'WAIT we're chunky now???? /pos'#everyone's so proud of how far we've come it's really nice
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I'm happy overall that I was able to work & develop better empathy, but sometimes it makes life much harder than it used to be
#i still think my empathy is pretty low. and i dont talk to people about it because i know what the pop perception#of that is#im not incapable of understanding peoples emotions#i just like. sympathize more than i empathizr#i can feel angry for people#im good at that#but thats because anger/frustration is the emotion i can most readily understand in myself#i have trouble processing other emotions#and have trouble maintaining certain emotions#but frustration and anger are my (unwilling) friends#i often get frustrated when i cant understand or feel another emotion that i want to feel#or know i should feel#i often cant figure out what emotion im feeling#but I'm more successful than i used to he#and i really only find myself feeling sad or happy etc. on behalf of other people when ive caused that feeling#but it's fleeting#i think im getting better at feeling happy for other people though#but idk if that happiness is empathy#i actively WANT other people to be happy or at least content#and strive to help cause or maintain that condition in others#but i dont think that's rooted in empathy#i think thats more rooted in my desire to help people#because i feel good when people help me#so i try to help others in hopes that theyll feel good#but is that empathy? idk#idk anymore lmao#i think i mostly sympathize#and thats ok#makes my life easier bc im already so bad at regulating and deciphering my own emotions#I'm bad at feelings. which is why i want to make people feel good. contentment is a simple emotion which makes it wonderful
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They literally just had a conversation about ice cube trays and whether or not they were clean (they decided they were not i think?) and did NOT ask me anything. Do i not exist to you people
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#the ice cube trays were clean btw just the water wasn't good at the time#which is why they were empty#this and also some things in the freezer that need moved and NOBODY has asked me to move them and i literally could#like#augh. god. i exist!!! i live here! i know things!!! i'm awake!!!!!!#i'm not SUPER annoyed by it but i Could Be if i think about it too much#which i mean. i probably will.#anyways this has annoyed me into deciding *i* will deal with the freezer stuff when i wake up if nobody else has by that point#just ... a constant list of things that's just gonna keep getting longer.#cause i don't want to ... ugh words tonight#i don't want to add the stress of because like. listen.#i get angry a LOT and it's not really warranted most of the time. i do not want to subject people to that.#and also just ... everythiiiing everything about the way i hear him act has been bugging me this week and its only MOSTLY because it's#almost (or is by now?) shark week and i always get pissed at everything right before then.#the other part is that he reminds me of the father unit who ALREADY bugs me just. in general so. yippee i guess.#its like 'hey u should communicate if u have a problem :)' and then i go 'ok i will :)' LYING because i do NOT want to make this situation#exponentially worse. cause thats how it would go. i dont need to feel even LESS wanted in my own home lol
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it's really fuckin weird being, I guess, Good At Dealing With Grief while being around people who are just absolutely brokenhearted and wrecked. and having to be like Well Guess I'll Just Get Busy On The Business Stuff.
#nerd alert#his wife is all like you know what youre in shock i know youre not processing it yet its ok#im like no i like speedran the five stages the night it happened. i might go back and replay slower later but like i get it.#like idk. i feel sad about it for sure. but like. idk she was showing videos of him she took while he was drunk of his ass#laughing hysterically at like nothing and being goofy and shit and im watching like. yeah :) thats my dad :) glad he was happy in life :)#and like knowing how he felt about me is like. the only things that really make me kinda sad#is that for one he wont be at my wedding. sadge.#for another i think he thought our relationship was a lot more strained than i thought it was#bc he couldnt bring himself to respect my gender or my name but honestly it was something i mostly had accepted#like yeah i was very clear about how i felt about being deadnamed but i think he thought i was a lot more mad about it#i was frustrated to be sure but i was like. yknow i have bigger problems im not THAT pressed about it.#i wish i couldve let him know that really it wasnt that big of a beef. i didnt Not want to see him or talk to him in general#i just was never good at reaching out LOL#but it makes me kinda sad he died thinking i didnt want to talk to him much. but at least i know he loved me and was glad im happy#according to his wife and my bro he was all like 'i cant think of her as a boy and she might be kinda misled but im glad shes happy'#which like. ok sure. thats sweet enough i guess and im glad he did know i was happy at least#idk. its weeeeeeiird
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I'm doing to Mike and Martin from V what the OG Star Trek girlies did to Kirk and Spock <3
#sometimes you just see a logical alien and their chaotic human and decide they should be gay#listen my guy Martin could've gotten any human job he wanted after The Final Battle and my mans chooses to be a sound operator/camera man#so he can continue working with Mike#like he wouldve been way more qualified for being a pilot or something but nope. he needs to stay with Mike#and Mike has such chaotic bisexual energy this man is at EVERY pride parade he can get to#his mom kicked him out bc he was caught with another guy in hs and outed#which gives them some EXCELLENT angst when he outs Martin as a Fifth Columnist under the truth serum#alien/human relationships are just too good just *chefs kiss*#espescially when they have no idea they like each other#or keep unintentionally doing things considered romantic in the other culture#i like to hc that Visitors kiss by bonking their foreheads together#and Mike does it at the end of the fight in TFB as a 'we won/I'm glad you're ok!' gesture#and Martin is just. having an entire crisis over it#that's what makes him fully realize that he's in love and he spends the next week asking Willie/Julie for advice#w/ Willie its mostly stuff like 'what do humans like? what does being in love with one feel like? how could you tell yours liked you back?'#and with Julie it's more like 'what does forehead touching mean? why is Mike always touching me? what are human courting rituals?'#meanwhile Mike is just trying to figure out why Martin's acting so weird around him#Julie got Willie to agree not to tell them anything and let them figure it out on their own#practically everyone in the resistance has a bet going on how long it will take#except for Ham bc theres no way that man isnt homophobic#I also choose to ignore what happens to Martin he deserves to have his brother bully the shit out of him for his choice in men#Philip probably points it out completely casually at one point bc he assumes its obvious#or uses his Twin Privileges to confess FOR Martin and then just. leaves#Mike and Martin are both very confused the next time they run into each other#either way everyone is upset bc Philip ruined the bet but at least the idiots are happy#they just have such an interesting dynamic I love them <3#plus they fought a literal war against Space Fascism they would absolutely fight for their right to love#anyways thats my mental state rn :)#hyperfixation: v#v-posting
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while im here i have more exodus thoughts im SO CONFLICTED ON IT. more in tags as per use
#ive playyedd let me check#2.5 hours so far ok. so not super far but a pretty decent chunk and plenty of time to get a feel for the setting right?#exodus has made ZERO ABSOLUTE NO mention of a group that was basically the entire plot in the previous game which is weird#still suffering from the 'plot moves way too fast' issue like in the last two games the metro had been everyones home for Twenty Years#and considered the last bastion of all of humanity. but in exodus we're just. leaving and none of us are too bothered#also in the previous games the air on the surface was super toxic and you were required to use gas masks and carefully conserve air filters#and etc to survive right? guess how it is in exodus. whimper.#turns out the airs perfectly fine to breathe if you just travel out a little ways. like. thats bizarre to me to just drop that entire HUGE#mechanic. yes it technically makes the game way easier for me no i dont like it#last and most insulting back to complaining about miller#as you all know i hate his redesign.. appearance and voice and honestly just the way he acts now hes a different person than the last games#and i dont like it. and the devs doubled down HARD on him hes basically a main character#in the previous games he actually didnt get very much screentime and was mostly just someone i had to work towards meeting with in certain#locations#but now that i kind of cant stand him I CANT ESCAPE HIM#ughhhh. gonna keep playing though just because the point and shooty bits are fun and its visually pleasing#good lord i wrote a lot. look at my game thoughts boy
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