#HEAVY SPOILERS meta post

[shastafirecracker]

For previous context, see @mydetheturk‘s post about Vash fearing Knives & the violation of Vash’s autonomy, and the followup Stampede-specific post by @pancake-breakfast about that Vash‘s relationship with guns.

Now for my ramblings, which are ALL SPOILERS ALL THE TIME for all versions of Trigun but particularly the manga - so please be mindful if you’re doing book club and don’t want to know things before you get to them!!

ETA I made a couple of edits because I didn’t realize I copy pasted the pre-proofreading version of my doc, lol my brain is fried like an egg (it’s feels-like-110F outside rn)

So I tagblogged before but I'll own my shit this time: I wanna talk about Vash-as-gun. Vash's three guns move from external to his body (revolver) to implanted foreign object in his body (gun arm) to literally part of his cellular structure (angel arm). His reluctance to reveal each one steps up in magnitude. His angel arm is the primary reason he sees himself as monstrous.

Pancake’s analysis of Stampede is fantastic and I just want to loop in the other two versions because I have had the brainrot for decades and adore them all. First, it's really interesting to me that what pancake said about Knives giving or creating the conditions for all of his weapons is also explicitly true of the 98 anime but not of the original source material - it seems like adaptations really like to source Vash's access to weapons and/or ability to use weapons back to his brother, "the violent one," positioning Vash as almost ontologically nonviolent. But I want to look at Maximum for a minute because the difference there is absolutely fascinating to me.

In 98 and Stampede, Vash shoots Knives with a gun Knives gave him. In Maximum, the flashback where he loses his arm, Vash simply picks up a gun that was nearby - specifically a gun that belonged to a human who was brutalizing him, and whom Knives had just murdered in order to rescue Vash from harm. Vash doesn't need to be handed a tool of violence; he doesn't have that moment that he has in both 98 and Stamp where he looks at it in shock, as if he'd never considered touching such a thing. No Vash is easy to anger, but Maximum Vash is the only one, upon feeling extreme anger, to immediately turn to the nearest option for retaliation. In Max we also never see how Vash got The revolver - it isn't special, it doesn't have a backstory or a secret extra purpose, it's just a gun. Just a gun that Vash has trained himself to be very, very skilled at using, presumably one in a long line of guns he has trained with.

Something I was talking about on Discord recently with some folks is that Maximum Vash is extremely willing to hurt people. He does not kill, but he does not shy away from committing violent acts, and it is much more clear through the artwork and expressions that when he shoots people, it fucking hurts them. 98 Vash retains his willingness to shoot basically anyone, but sanitizes it somewhat - his shots to the shoulders, hands, legs, etc all just get an "augh!" voice beat and someone falling over. Obviously there's real-world reasons (rating, distribution, animation style) for the lack of blood and for simplifying artwork; this is not a criticism. 98 is more cartoonish all around and I adore it and want to squish its little cheeks. BUT, back on topic: in the cases of both 98 and Maximum, we see Vash very willing to shoot people nonlethally, to subdue them - but nonlethal gunshot wounds are still an extreme physical trauma! Everyone Vash shoots suffers for it. They will have pain, possibly surgery, they'll need recovery time, they'll need medicines that might be limited in availability, they may lose function in parts of their bodies. Maximum I think invites the reader the most explicitly to think about these things, as a couple of times we see goons post-fighting-Vash in hospitals (right? I think that's true).

Stampede is fascinating in that it's chosen to make almost all of Vash's nonlethal, subduing combat moves based around using his gun as a cudgel. He smacks people unconscious all the time. And that's not to say that concussions don't have their own long term consequences, but his unwillingness to pull the trigger is part of that whole this-is-a-younger-Vash thing. I do wonder how much more willing to fire he will be in season 2. Anyway.

I'm going to gloss past his prosthetic for the moment because I haven't fully formulated my thoughts about it yet - something something body horror, something something self destructive choices made while depressed, the use of grindhouse aesthetic, the complex set of social dynamic & psychological differences between open carry and concealed carry, idk idk more other thinky thoughts I haven't thought yet.

I want to return to the angel arm though because the thing I restrained myself from saying in the book club tag due to spoilers is that: this is a gun only Knives and Vash can fire. For the first ~massive number of pages of the manga, only Knives ever fires an angel arm, and he always only fires Vash's angel arm. Knives is also perfectly capable of summoning the same sort of vast destructive potential, though in the manga his takes the form of giant blades instead of a gun (whooooole other post about bringing a gun to a swordfight & vice versa, please refer to volume 14 of Maximum). But he desires to access Vash's destructive potential instead of his own. Knives' motivations are also a whole other post. The point I wanted to make was this:

Vash voluntarily fires his own angel arm ONCE, as far as I can recall. Correct me if I'm wrong. But the only time he fully generates the arm under his own power, in his right mind, of his own volition, is to escape the Ark. He has just emerged from the most oppressive and gruesome violation of his bodily autonomy he's ever experienced and, as far as we know, ever will. He has no other weapons available to him, barely even any clothes: all he has access to is his body, so he uses it. Knives shows clear shock and rage, potentially at Vash using a power Knives has come to feel belongs to Knives. Shock and rage at Vash reclaiming not only his body but the part of his biological identity that Knives knows Vash has been trying to excise for their whole lives. This may be the single most psychologically impactful moment of defiance towards Knives that Vash has ever shown, except for one other, which I will get to.

Not only does Vash fire the arm, he displays a shocking mastery of it. Somehow by putting him in a pressure cooker for months Knives has turned coal to diamond here: Vash went from unable to access his own latent power to, from then on, exhibiting comfort and even finesse with using it. He generates the arm on the Ark oriented to fire at Knives, and then effortlessly reverses the orientation to fire behind himself to make an emergency exit. Later, when Vash accesses his power again, he is able to use tiny, controlled bursts of it to not only destroy things but to load other objects (bullets) with unreleased power which he can activate at his choosing. That is a truly bonkers shift in skill and I love how the manga underplays it, because Vash so rarely says anything about how he feels about his own relationship with power, so you have to take these readings from his actions.

The other impactful moment of defiance I mentioned above is related to that total mastery of the angel arm/gate: Vash ultimately brings his trio of guns full circle by imparting the inherent quality of himself-as-gun into the most external of his guns, the original revolver. [Tangent: It's a neat visual in Stampede that they had him making gate bullets in the final showdown in episode 12, but I kind of dislike its placement in the narrative, because to me Vash's gate-bullets from the very end of the manga are a powerful symbol of his journey through his abilities. Maybe Stampede is suggesting that being plugged into the matrix and like, turning inside out through his gate or whatever in ep 11 did the same thing as the pressure cooker of the Ark in the manga, idk, we need season 2.] He makes the gate bullets for his final fight with Knives for perfectly valid strategic reasons (total control over his energy expenditure so he doesn't risk burning out by miscalculating mid-fight) but beyond strategy, there's just the fact that he's truly spitting in Knives' face by putting Plant/Gate power into a human tool. In Knives' eyes, the tool of their oppressors.

Vash melds the tool of the self with the tool of the oppressor to defy both. To prove that power is just power, it's all malleable and interchangeable, and that what matters is what you choose to do with it. Vash epitomizes "guns don't kill people, people do." (Another tangent to say that I'm not expressing my personal beliefs here; I'm sketching out stuff I'm reading into the narrative of a story, not writing a manifesto. Character study doesn't mean agreeing with or lauding everything a character stands for.)

Anyway. Vash's ultimate victory comes from two distinct ways that he chooses to use his inhumanity: first, he externalizes his destructive potential by placing it into a human-made, nonliving tool - essentially, finally able to excise from himself the part of being a Plant that had always felt monstrous to him. Second, he finally fully internalizes the part of being a Plant that he had rejected out of fear and self-disgust: intergenerational communication. He wins by talking to his sisters. He wins by allowing his selfhood to be subsumed by the collective and by trusting his own kind to love him and listen to him and not try to take away his hard-fought sense of self (all things that Knives did to him multiple times). His sisters listen to him and then they let him return to himself. I don't think he'd ever felt safe talking to them before - maybe guilty and scared, that by so thoroughly rejecting his own species, they would reject him right back. Along with the trauma reactions Knives caused, of course.

I think that's all I had at the moment about Vash-as-gun in the manga... I might return some time to the prosthetic, or go back to the other versions for more thinky noodling. But yeah! More meta plz! Delicious Trigun meta in the year of our lord 2k 23 absolutely unbelievable, we are feasting well.

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Some long, big thoughts on Kazuki, Rei, and being “Fathers.” - SPOILERS!

I really think this episode is when Kazuki and Rei really face the reality that they are Miri’s FATHERS. Like, it finally sunk in.

The lady here uses otou-sama, which is a very formal way to address the two of them, very stuffy. But also very...Japanese. In Japan, it is very commonplace nowadays for little kids to use papa and mama when addressing their parents, but those are still seen as loanwords. They don’t carry the same weight as being referred to, and seen as, FATHERS.

That question and how they would be perceived by others really hit them here. They aren’t just playing house at home anymore, they are out in society and are going to be perceived as this Miri’s fathers. That may also come with the assumption that they are a couple or in a relationship with each other. 

They both look uncomfortable here at that realization, but neither one really denies it either. Of course, this daycare is very unwelcoming and the lady far more judgmental than Anna. So that also likely plays a part in how they feel and react here too. The first daycare they go to  focused more on the business side of things. 

The room is huge, but empty, the walls are colorful, but not bright. Miri is sent off to play with blocks and the lady never directly addresses her or asks for her thoughts on things. Everything about this daycare is unwelcoming and uninviting and unaccepting, so Rei and Kazuki act coldly to this initial realization and the usage of the word FATHER here, seems very fitting.

It’s not a happy, bubbly, childlike, and even fantastical like the word “Papa” is. And the lady interviewing them, was definitely judging them, even before Miri started mentioning some more...suspicious stuff, lol.

Now, when they go to Aozora Daycare, Anna also addresses them using the word father in Japanese, but she goes with otou-san, still formal, but not stuffy and far more common and approachable. It’s still not “Papa” though. She only uses “Papa” when she talks to Miri about Rei and Kazuki. 

(In the Japanese she directly addresses Kazuki first by calling him otou-san and then stating that she was asking Miri, not him, haha). 

We are met with understanding here, though. Not judgement. The walls of Aozora are filled with children’s art projects, a piano that indicates singing and dancing time as a group, and warm smiles and comfy clothes. Everything that indicates a child-first daycare center. 

The whole interview process ends successfully. The daycare views them as suitable parents and Miri got accepted into the school. 

And while Rei looks disinterested during this entire interview. He was paying just as close attention to everything as Kazuki was, and if watch the high-five scene with a good eye, you can see that Rei actually has his hand up and waiting for Miri’s high-five before Kazuki.He understands her and her flow so well.

The rest is going under a Read More due to length.

Next we see them navigating all the prep work. And even though Rei did fall asleep at one point, we see that they both put in as much effort and energy as they can to get everything right for Miri and her first day of daycare. They both read through the handbook, write her names on things, even Rei did some sewing too. They exhaust themselves out. 

They think they make a great first impression on that first day:

But they make a lot of faux pas in the world of Japanese parenthood (specifically in a space that tends to be dominated by motherhood).

Arriving by car = ✘

Wearing suits that aren’t black = ✘

Having Miri wearing clothes that look expensive = ✘

Arriving by car is equated to wealth and money, and even to showing off, as opposed to riding a bike.

Wearing suits that aren’t black is associated with the underbelly side of Japan, men that work in the red light district or with the yakuza. An exception to this would be like, in many places, the entertainment business.

Dressing Miri up in clothes that look expensive plays into the whole “yakuza daughter” vibes, but also makes it so that she stands apart from the other children. It can also make it so that Miri has a difficult time putting the clothes on and off herself, which could take up class time when coming in from play time, getting ready to go home, and etc.

I worked at a juku (cram school) with a daycare. Most of the students I cared for there were native Japanese kids between 2 - 4 years old whose parents were working in America. My boss would often get annoyed when parents would bring their (usually daughters) in wearing fancy shoes that looked pretty, but hurt the child’s feet and were hard for the child to take on and off themself. 

Kids around Miri’s age are also shown to be aware of economic and social class on some level as well. 

LOS ANGELES, Calif. (Ivanhoe Newswire) -- Rich, poor, middle class. Parents often believe it’s their responsibility to shield their children from economic differences and social class.

But new research shows children as young as five years old are not economically blind. In fact, by the time they reach prekindergarten, kids know the difference.

This group of primary school kids already knows what money can buy.

Combine that with the (thirsty though they were) mothers who probably advised their children to not get on Miri’s bad side because of her dad’s, and her outfits that set her apart, and scenes like this one:

Don’t seem so out-of-place.

When Kazuki and Rei pick Miri up at school, her answer to “How was your first day? Have fun?” being “I dunno yet.’ Set’s off alarm bells - even with Rei.

His brows are furrowed. He knows that something is off and wrong with that statement. They don’t know what they did wrong, and they don’t know how to fix it. Miri gets quieter and sadder and this is the first time they’ve had to actually deal with Miri on a deeper, emotional level. 

That feeling like you are failing a child (whether your own, one of your students, or just a child in your care) is such a devasting feeling. This episode expresses it well by having these scenes all take place on the way home from the daycare, when the sun is setting. 

Thankfully, Kazuki is open to listening to what Miss Anna has to tell him, and she is so supportive. She doesn’t judge them or treat them like they are incompetent or incapable. She just gives them the push in the right direction, with “insider info” in a way, to get them and Miri acclimated correctly. And Rei and Kazuki jump on it. They love that they’ve found this place with a bunch of good quality cheap shit that can help them and make their lives easier.

And after this, Miri goes to school in regular clothes. Kazuki goes to the play area in the regular clothes, and he is just genuine and authentic with the kids. He doesn’t dress Miri up in a way that sets her apart anymore (on a class level, in a way that makes the other kids think she is “saying” “don’t play with me.”). 

Kazuki, especially, isn’t trying to “fake it until he makes it anymore.” He isn’t trying to give the impression that they are rich. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he also felt a bit more pressure to get everything right because he and Rei are two guys raising a kid together - two FATHERS. 

But then he realizes letting Miri and him and Rei just be themselves is enough.

This was very much so a Kazuki issue that ended up negatively impacting Miri. A situation I’m sure every parent (or even teacher, like I’ve been before) has experienced on some level. It’s one of the harsher parts of being a parent and trying to help your child and do what’s right.

And now, he and Rei have one foot further into parenthood, since they know about this new shop and:

Gave Miri her own room.

That is such a big deal. Similar in a way to how people say not to name an animal unless you plan on keeping it as a pet. Not because Miri can be compared to a pet or an animal in any way like that, but because of what it implies on both an emotional attachment level and a “she is now a permanent part of our household” level. 

That's a fully decorated room, filled with toys and plush dolls and games, a bed, books, a rug, even a desk. A desk filled with stationary supplies for her to learn and something which is viewed as a necessity for children to have at home when they are in elementary and junior high school (especially). 

Rei and Kazuki have gone from being Miri’s “Papas” on a sort of imaginary, “playing house” level, with very limited outside and real-world/societal interactions to being her fathers. They have integrated her and themselves as her parents and fathers into society on a large level now. 

By investing in that room, they are investing in Miri, and are openly choosing to be viewed as her fathers - as partners. Even if they don’t necessarily view each other in that way, it doesn’t matter to them in the end, because Miri is what’s most important. 

(Note: I will link to the news article and report that stated that information about children and economic class recognition in the comments).

[thefreshprinceofjunes]

AND NOW FOR SOME META THATS NOT KH

i was looking through promotional art on the su wiki, and i came across the SDCC 2016 signing card

and i noticed that only four people in the pic have flowers

steven, greg, and pearl have roses, which of course represent rose quartz

while jasper has a hibiscus for some reason?

so i was thinking about why jasper would have that particular flower, esp when almost everyone else in the pic doesnt have one at all

and then i realized

... oh

2016 comic con, huh

[yomigaere]

As grim as it may be, I do think about how Utena portrays its on-screen rapes.

Even now, you see a lot of attitudes in the real world about how it supposedly doesn't count as rape if the victim doesn't struggle or try to fight back or get away, or how it supposedly isn't rape if the victim doesn't explicitly say "no" or "stop", or how it supposedly only counts as rape if it's in certain positions, or how it supposedly isn't rape if the victim seems to "enjoy" it, or how it supposedly isn't rape if the victim keeps seeing their rapist afterwards -- among so many other horrible attitudes that rape culture perpetuates. I've certainly seen those kinds of attitudes colour the more obnoxious discourse that's surrounded scenes like these over the years.

Something about what rape can look like.

(All screenshots from ohtori.nu)

[zhuoyichenpretty]

Ep 22-23 Commentary

Ha...I was inexplicably nervous for eps 22-23 and it looks like I was right to be (-: What a rollercoaster. Spoilers below!

I've just come out of ep 23 and uh????? holy shit????? ZYC????

Ok ok but to backtrack, let's do my comments semi-chronologically:

Ep 22:

A carry-over from ep 21 that I have to mention—heck yeah PSJ give WZY hell. She doesn't have all that many lines but she sure knows how to make them count. Also seeing PSJ and WX get screen time just the two of them makes my brain go "yay <3"

Back to ep 22, loved the fake-out sundial ayeee that was a nice Chekhov's gun that also brings the real sundial back into relevance for later. Also me eating up the PSJ and ZYC crumb of an interaction has brought to my attention how starved I am of their screen time together.

This whole ep was a great lament towards the feared inevitable. Every sad downcast look from ZYC, every complicated glance WX gives him. A wonderful, terrible crossroads for these characters. I love that for ZYC especially, it's such an incredible mess of emotion coming to a head. Bad enough that he's come to care about the demon who killed his family and ruined his life, bad enough that he's sworn a blood oath he regrets and tied himself to punishing someone he no longer finds culpable, bad enough that ZYZ's life or death depends solely on his choice and ZYZ is constantly practically begging for death when ZYC wants him to live. How much immensely worse it makes the whole situation that WX is literally ZYZ's soulmate. And obviously the whole team has only grown more and more attached to ZYZ, too. ZYC's personal turmoil aside, how heavy must that responsibility and guilt be? For the finishing blow that only he can deliver to also deeply threaten every other person he cares about? Everyone understands in the abstract what must happen and why, but just like seeing ZYZ lose control firsthand, the gulf between understanding and experiencing is so unimaginably wide. If he kills ZYZ, can there really be no resentment from his friends? From WX?

Also it seems ZYC only wears cloaks so that he can give them to other people lmao

Ah fuck, the farewell drinks. I didn't even factor in how ZYC might not survive the encounter (''': The drama truly was like hm can we possibly give ZYC a worse day than that night his whole fam died? Maybe give him a bunch of new family members and also the blade and the fate and the sole responsibility to potentially irrevocably scar said family members with? And he might die in the process too? (-: haha maybe? (((-:

Oh. Oh. Addendum. I forgot this til I saw it mentioned in another post—ZYC recounting his oath as he watched WX smile when they discussed reviving the tree...I could feel him weighing those words against his own life, against ZYZ's life, against WX's happiness. One way out of this impossible situation is indeed to doom himself. I'm in pieces.

Damn if WX isn't dedicated heart and soul, going into the sundial like that. I'm sad no one could keep her company for those 300 years but also I guess that's kind of an impossible ask (and maybe not survivable for the other non-goddess mortals? I'm admittedly very unclear on sundial time loophole logistics). It would have been nice to see someone offer though, even just to be turned down.

Ooh I like the soul needle fake-out, given this show's penchant for retroactive "actually we had a plan all along" moments. A good subversion of the narrative's own style.

Also I saved this for the end because it doesn't really fit the linearity of my comments but what the fuuuuuuuck oh my god I absolutely flipped out at this scene:

I am at once rabidly intrigued and at the same time not sure if I'll be satisfied with whatever payoff will come for this so I don't want to overindulge in theorizing and setting my own expectations too high. Maybe this is just a fevered hallucination, maybe it means nothing (I hope it means something). But damn!!! What a gorgeous man crazy scene.

In conclusion, ep 22 had some good stuff for me. Plot development and reflection and tension enough that I may have been satisfied with just that one episode. But they gave us two, so onward to ep 23 comments!

Ep 23:

I like how many solid reasons the team has to suspect ZYC being possessed. Even though I withheld judgment during my watch given how quickly the show usually confirms that kind of stuff with a possession mark, just simply casting that doubt made the whole build up that much more intense.

ZYC slowly walking down the corridor with the whole grounds lit a somber and haunting gold—*chef's kiss*

ZYC's monologue to a catatonic ZYZ is so important to me. The closest we'll get to his internal monologue about this whole situation. The kinds of things said when we think there's no conscious listener.

Okay so, having finished this episode and looking back, Li Lun's hands coming up from behind ZYC was not to denote possession (at least in this episode), potentially is a visual from ZYZ's POV, and seems related to the above screencap. I am so, so curious. Once again, I'm stopping myself from further speculation because I want to be surprised but ahhhhhhhhh

PSJ shooting at Ao Yin is so gorgeous. Her action scenes seriously never disappoint—the creativity of her fight choreos!! Also very cool that the whole team is getting to take part in the action, not just the two male leads.

Bai Jiu possession was not on my bingo card but I sure do love that we literally saw the possession take place and I still didn't connect the dots. Good shitttt. Also oh no ): ZYC was telling the truth about the soul needle, he was just tricked ):

Seriously from the Ao Yin case to getting PSJ released to reviving the Divine Wood to getting tricked by possessed!Bai Jiu to making pear soup to fighting ZYZ to fighting Li Lun—when will ZYC get a single goddamn vacation day holy shit.

Also when will WX tear up that contract so ZYZ can stop having a mild heart attack every time he wants to kiss her ): &I love that they saved the 300-year montage for this moment. While their ship doesn't give me brainrot personally, who could be unmoved by that incredible and undisclosed sacrifice? That's soulmatism.

Okay, I'd seen clips of them filming the ZYC and Li Lun fight but damn I did not expect it'd be happening right now!! Right after already taking damage from ZYZ? And my god is Li Lun brutal. The two actors did such an impressive job on this entire fight, what with Li Lun's ease and ZYC's suffering. I really appreciated the extensive hand-to-hand combat after Li Lun literally obliterated ZYC's sword. (Also though, given the origin of that sword, I kept hoping for a flashback to ZYC's brother once it broke, but alas, no dice.) Anyway, the show does not play around about ZYC whump it seems. I was very very shook by that throat punch; that shit legitimately looked like it hurt.

Honestly, I had a hard time with the extended ZYZ and Li Lun conversation at the very end because oh my god someone please heal ZYC lmao. But of course, that's the end of the episode~~

Y'all...check on your local ZYC stans because I was not okay after all that (': I need a heaping dose of comfort after all that hurt, but as always I'm cautious of hoping for much from canon itself. So yeah! Ep 23 was solid, but I would probably be in better shape if today's release just ended on ep 22 ((':

Time to go wait for the cast's Hi6 episode to drop so I can heal my battered heart ;-;

[annaofaza]

I'm fascinated that Vash, Knives, and Wolfwood don't know their birth families and how that plays out with their guardians.

Vash's philosophies are shaped by Rem; Knives rebels/reframes Rem's words to suit his own agenda ("There's so much we have to do to make sure it [Tesla's death by human experimentation/callousness] doesn't happen again." To me, it's a "I learned drinking at my father's knee" v. "I saw my father drinking and resolved not to be like him" relationship, and many people have written amazing metas on this!

Wolfwood has had two prominent guardians in his life—Melanie and Chapel (depending on which version, Chapel actually raised Wolfwood for a bit). It's pretty formative in that Wolfwood before the Eye of Michael is a caring individual but also hard-nosed to a certain degree (becoming a caretaker figure, knowing the orphanage is struggling, etc.), while Chapel teaches him that connections drag you down and that you must make an immediate decision (as the world/job is harsh and unforgiving). His experiences with Melanie and Chapel also shaped his self-sacrificing nature: to help with the greater good, whatever that means—but Wolfwood rebels against Chapel as Knives did with Rem, which (unlike Knives and Rem) is a good thing.

Again, none of these characters know their birth origins or express a lot of curiosity about finding out more, and that nature/nurture dynamic fascinates me because they're a) very much their own individuals but b) still burdened by who raised them.

It's a compelling theme in Trigun that it's not necessarily how you start out; it's the experience and guidances (or lack thereof) do. There are a lot of self-determination/fate interpretations among Vash, Knives, and Wolfwood—what path are you on? Did you create it? Is it shaped? Can you go without a path or make a different one? How does it all end? Can you truly escape where you came from? (More thoughts in the tags lol)

[rascheln]

Okay but I desperately need to know more about both Ai and Hikaru.

We know now that Ai had an awful childhood and was neglected even as a baby/small child before she was finally abandoned by her mother. Akane's analysis of her also deducts that she had sex as a teenager and I think it's very likely that she already had sex even before she started a relationship with Hikaru.

We know that Hikaru was raped by a grown woman at around the age of 11 and this likely affected his relationship to sex vs romantic relationships in a significant manner. There's nothing known about his earlier childhood and how much of him murdering women by proxy and then directly killing them is due to trauma vs other factors in his life vs other influences on his personality and psyche. But him getting raped by an adult is what we know for sure happened to him and must have heavily impacted him.

It makes a lot of sense that two people who were likely forced to grow up faster than other kids their age by experiencing trauma and probably feeling alienated from other children would be drawn to each other.

I wonder how much they knew about each other's pasts. Ai tried really hard to hide Hikaru's identity as the father of her children, but how much was that motivated by caring about him and wanting to protect him vs possibly knowing he could be dangerous vs protecting herself? (Did Ai also take advantage of him? At least it doesn't seem so from what little we know so far, but then again we haven't exactly gotten more than just a tiny bit of her perspective on the relationship aka having an amicable breakup vs Hikaru trying to have her murdered by proxy.)

Ai, by her own admittance, had a skewed perception of love and struggled with identifying if she could actually feel love even with her own children- so how did that play a role in her relationship with Hikaru? Why exactly did they break up? How much is Hikaru's perception of loved skewed?

[yardsards]

amity and boscha are sorta foils, in a way

there's the obvious bit where they're both former mean girls and amity improved herself while bosha didn't

but there's also like

boscha's clearly got SOME sort of abandonment issues goin on in this episode

and amity's also had some abandonment issues of her own (probably originating a lot from her own father slowly fading from her life with absolutely no explanation when she was a child). we see these come to a head in eclipse lake when she is so easily convinced that luz will abandon her if she is not perfect

but whereas boscha acts Like That because of her issues, amity handles them relatively healthily, seeking love from good people who she knows will give it to her unconditionally and communicating with honesty and understanding when she feels like she is being pushed away by luz

[note-boom]

@shot-tothestars Thank you for your reply and so sorry that I completely forgot to reply to it...! (And for those of you who need it slight tw for euthanasia mention)

But onto my response.

I definitely agree that what Mushitarou did was framed as a sort of act of service. But I think just like some acts you do out of love, it CAN hurt you terribly to do them. Mushitarou's tears I think were proof enough that it grieved him to do it. But he wants to respect his friend's wishes and so there's like...many different conflicts I guess. The moral one (he himself killed his friend. Killing is bad. But killing him is something Yokomizo wanted) and the emotional one (grieving and being desperate to keep his friend's secret even if he wanted to respect it).

Truth be told, I do think I'll change my mind slightly as we see more of Mushitarou. But I do think he was coping as you said with the stress of the whole dilemma, but I don't know if that means he wasn't grieving.

But YES, there is definitely a difference between Yokomizo's desire to die, given that his death date was in fact set in stone. It could be a parallel to euthanasia but I won't get into it as I definitely don't have the knowledge to discuss it. However, I don't know if I'd call Mushitarou wanting his friend to live out the rest of those six months selfishness if it comes down to it...or at least not a bad selfishness. Nor do I think this was juuuust about Yokomizo taking control of his own death?

It's....

Hmmm....it's hard to word this out but ignoring my previous statements, I think one of the most interesting things BSD does about this analysis between life and death, selflessness and selfishness, and agency and control is that it questions each one depending on the situation.

Like some questions I can think that this arc asks is how do you deal with the knowledge of your day of death? Is it okay to take control of it and go out earlier or should I just let nature run its course? Does me wanting to die before everything on my own terms mean there's something wrong with me or am I doing this purely for myself for non-mental-illness-related reasons? Even if I was doing it purely for myself, do people have a right to over their own deaths as they do over their own lives? Is it selfish to want someone to stay on this earth longer? And how do you cope with factors that drive you to death (including life itself) when there is so much screaming about how life is better?

Anyway, that was pretty much a nonanswer because I can't really make up my mind if I agree or disagree. Still, being honest, I think I'm slowly starting to get convinced that bsd is manga that, if sometimes spitefully, goes "it's better to live no matter what. Even if your control is wrestled away from you, even when you lose it all, even if you think your life has no meaning, even if everything seems against you" etc. BUT it is very sympathetic and does not vilify or victimise people who want to die either (and might even go so far as to romanticise it).

I am very sad that I couldn't give you a more satisfactory response, OP (I open this to anyone who has a better response) :(. But thank you for responding to my incoherent rambling!!

Okay some Mushitarou thoughts. BIG manga spoilers so you have been warned....

But as much as I like to bully Mushitarou, I can't help but just KEEP THINKING about the fact that he's, well, kind of grieving throughout this whole arc - meaning the DoA arc, not Perfect Crime.

It's made pretty evident and spotlighted enough times, I think (or perhaps it's a result of me skimming through other scenes and fixating on the mystery squad), that I just have to wonder....

Yokomizo wanted to die. He specifically requested Mushitarou to kill him. And Mushitarou did exactly that and is suffering from, if not guilt, then definitely grief.

But here's the thing. Yokomizo wanted to die. Mushitarou was just doing what Yokomizo wanted, and if Mushi really didn't want to do that, then why did he? What right does he have to grieve when he killed Yokomizo, even if it was his friend's desire?

Who knows...I certainly don't. But it really got me wondering about the symbolism of it all. How this arc speaks a little to the suicidal characters in BSD, how Yosano and Kunikida - two people who fight for the act of living for themselves and for others - take some of the center stage.

It's how that maybe some of the characters want to die, and the world decides to go ahead and respect their wish and let them die. In essence, their harsh reality killed them and they killed themselves. But if the world that kills suicidals is represented by Mushitarou, to an extent, then doesn't that mean the world will grieve at their deaths despite having been the ones to kill them?

I don't know. I tend to like seeing connections where there are none. But let's give it up for our favourite pathetic evidence eraser.

ALSO edit: Have not read the manga properly (as in chronological order with coherence to the story in mind), so I may be missing a larger point. Someone pointed out that there is a slight difference between Yokomizo's desire to die based on an illness vs the others....may have more thoughts on this later but we will see

[vidavalor]

The Vavoom: Or, when the show's hinting Crowley & Aziraphale first kissed

It was not in 2.06, if that makes you feel any better?

Meta/theory hybrid stuffity stuff below the cut. As always, all interpretations are valid. This isn't meant to offend anyone who sees things differently. Post contains spoilers for the films 'Kiss Me Deadly' (1955), 'About Time' (2013), 'Love Actually' (2003), and 'Four Weddings and a Funeral' (1994). Apologies that this took a few days. Life's been wild this week. Let's dive in...

Right. So. The Vavoom...

I feel like most of us, by this point, are probably in agreement that Crowley is not talking about something he saw in a Richard Curtis film when he talks about his plan to help The Shop Lesbians to fall in love... and that, if he's not talking about something he saw in a movie, then he's talking about something he experienced... and yes, sure, absolutely Crowley has been on Earth for 6,000 years and could have vavoomed with basically anyone who has ever lived at this point as well as one semi-sentient car and even the world's once only-remaining unicorn but... we all know he's talking about Aziraphale. So this is about unraveling what the show presents as Clues to this end and using those Clues to solve for x and see if we can prove that Crowley is talking about Aziraphale and then figure out when this Vavoom happened with the information the show has given us so far... and the good news is that we can do all of those things so here we go...

The first thing to do is to eliminate the Richard Curtis films. Let's just start with Crowley saying that he saw his whole vavoom moment in "a Richard Curtis film." As someone who has seen a frankly embarrassing number of Richard Curtis films, I can tell you that this is a very amusing misdirect from a writing standpoint. It is amusing because it's a wink of sorts towards the same problem that comes up when you try to find The Vavoom on the GO timeline based on what the show's presented so far. What is that problem? It's that-- at first, cursory glance-- no one GO scene or Curtis film seems to have everything Crowley describes. Don't worry, though, because we actually do have enough information to find the lone caraway seed beneath these three cowrie shells here. You'll be Aziraphale-voicing an "a-HA!" very soon. :)

There are only two Richard Curtis films that feature elements Crowley lists as having occurred during The Vavoom: 'About Time' and 'Four Weddings and a Funeral.' The Awning of a New Age scene in GO actually winds up an homage of sorts to 'About Time', as it is referencing it pretty heavily. However, there is no vavooming in 'About Time'; meaning, there is not this gaze-to-kiss moment that Crowley is talking about. A wedding reception tent collapses under heavy rain and soaks several supporting characters in the film, much like how our supporting characters Nina and Maggie get soaked by too much rain causing the awning to collapse. There is no gaze or almost-kiss or kiss before it. There are other canopies-- umbrellas-- but no one gazes or kisses under one. So, Crowley did not see The Vavoom in 'About Time'-- but that particular Richard Curtis film might have been the one in Crowley's mind when he quickly latched onto Richard Curtis films while speaking with Aziraphale in the pub.

As a result, thinking about his conversation with Aziraphale while trying to craft his Shop Lesbians Vavoom might have actually caused him to over-weather and cause the awning to drench Maggie & Nina. So the joke there is more that The Original Vavoom of which Crowley is speaking in the pub scene is something that really happened and had an element or two in common with a scene in the Richard Curtis film, 'About Time', which also features Bill Nighy (see: 'Love Actually' stuff below), whose mannerisms Crowley seems to like to emulate at times. As a result of seeing the film and thinking about how it *wasn't* like The Vavoom-- the canopy collapsing, the lack of an actual Vavoom in motion prior to this, all of that disappointing Crowley greatly when he saw this film lol-- Crowley ironically then says he got the whole idea of The Vavoom from a Richard Curtis film... when, in fact, *the distinct lack of Vavoom* in the film was what Crowley remembered from it... and then, upon thinking of the pub discussion when trying to start an Awning of a New Age for Maggie & Nina, it accidentally became part of his miracle, causing him to over-Weather and, kind of hilariously, substituted the kiss Crowley was trying to incite with the collapsing awning scene from 'About Time'... the film then disappointing him all over again lol.

The other Richard Curtis film that is relevant is 'Four Weddings and a Funeral.' You might be familiar with the scene-- its ending scene-- just from cultural osmosis as this point, even if you haven't seen the film. Hugh Grant proposes to Andie MacDowell in the pouring rain. So, the big problem with this scene is that there is no canopy. None. Whatsoever. They're soaked through. We never see them go inside. They look into each other's eyes and they kiss but it's raining on them the whole time and Crowley is really specific about his canopy requirements for Vavooming. This scene is also wrong because it's a proposal between characters who have known one another on and off for years and have a more extensive history, whereas Nina and Maggie are much earlier in a potential relationship and The Vavoom Crowley talks about is an intense gaze into a first kiss. That said... just as how 'About Time' ties to Nina & Maggie's story, there are some 'Four Weddings'-y elements to Crowley & Aziraphale's relationship, in that their story also covers them meeting up through different points in time and such. 'Four Weddings' was also the first mainstream, hit rom com to openly feature queer characters in supporting roles so it's a strong one for GO to be referencing... but, ultimately, no Crowley-described Vavoom scene in sight.

Finally, there's 'Love Actually', which doesn't actually have a single element in it that pertains to The Vavoom but I'm throwing it in here because I'm just looking at all GO ties to Richard Curtis films at this point. 'Love Actually' features Nina Sosanya (GO's Nina, of course) as a queer-coded character and, in GO, David Tennant has a few scenes where he seems to be channeling Bill Nighy's Billy Mack from 'Love Actually' in S1. (Tell me Crowley's not doing Billy Mack's walk when they cross the street to the bookshop in Eleven Years Ago in S1 lol.) For those of you who have somehow avoided seeing this movie lol, Billy Mack is an aging rock star who is the best character in the film and heavily queer-coded. In S2, there's also some Big Bill Nighy Energy in the "we'll just to have to make it worthwhile then" bit with Muriel in Heaven and also in the way he chuckles in the "I *was* there, you see" moment with Gabriel. Also probably worth mentioning that, in 'About Time', Bill Nighy plays the dad of one half of the main couple in the movie and his role is to teach him how to live life and this involves pursuing the woman he is trying to marry throughout his ability to fall through time. So, Bill Nighy is basically playing the S2 Crowley of 'About Time' while the main couple of that film parallels Maggie & Nina, in that he's setting up the scenario for the couple involved to get together. Nothing in the film, though, is as overt or contains elements that match The Vavoom, other than the collapsed awning, as we got into above.

So mah point is dolphins that while there are a couple of Richard Curtis films that contain bits and pieces of what Crowley is talking about, there isn't a single one that has anything really remotely close to the, uh, extremely specific scenario he was detailing... so now we have to look at just what the hell Crowley's on about, exactly... and for this, we are, surprisingly, going to wind up looking at a very different film from any by Richard Curtis-- 1955's classic film noir, 'Kiss Me Deadly'. Why this random film, you say? Because it's actually not at all random to GO S2. It's the origins of the phrase "vavoom"... and S2 of GO contains a multi-episode homage to the film.

'Kiss Me Deadly' is, tonally, very different from GO as it's pretty dark film noir but it has a plot you might find a little familiar. One night, driving down a dark road, the main character picks up a hitchhiker who has lost her memory. After she's murdered, the film revolves around the main character-- a private investigator-- and his lover/partner investigating the case to try to solve the mystery. GO's episode "The Hitchhiker" opens with a plot and visual homage to this film when Aziraphale picks up Shax in The Bentley and obviously S2 contains a plot surrounding a mystery related to a character who has lost their memory in Gabriel. I'm going to do a separate thing that is a deeper dive into this with particular emphasis on how the lead characters relate to Crowley and Aziraphale at another point in time because it crosses into too many other things to fit it into this one at the moment but the reason why I bring the film up now is because of its ties to the phrase "vavoom."

"Vavoom", alternatively spoken as "va va voom" and containing the same meaning, is thought to have originated in a cartoon in the late 1940s but its use in "Kiss Me Deadly" in 1955 is what pushed it into popular, cultural use and knowledge. In the film, there's a character named Nick, who is friends with the two leads (the Crowley & Aziraphale-paralleling Hammer and Velda). They have nicknamed him "Va Va Voom" because he says it so often. Nick is an auto mechanic who works on the leads' car-- yes, there's a Bentley parallel lol-- and it is his use of the phrase that made it one we are familiar with today. But what does it really mean exactly in terms of this scene in the pub?

Without going too far down the road that we wind up in another meta about wordplay and symbolism in S2 here, the show is doing things related around the word 'passion' and all of its various meanings. It begins with Aziraphale referring to Maggie's feelings for Nina as "a pash"-- which is British English slang for "a crush" or "an infatuation". It comes from the word "passion"... but the word "passion" actually means something much different. "Passion" is very specifically romantic, erotic love when used to describe a relationship. It means enthusiasm when about a hobby or the like-- Aziraphale will get the neighbors to come to the meeting/ball by negotiating their commitment based on things they're passionate about-- Mr. Arnold and Doctor Who, Mutt and the history of magic. Finally, S2 is tying a lot of this passion-related plot to *The* Passion-- as in, The Passion of the Christ, or the Christian phrase for the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Why is it called 'The Passion' anyway? Because the Latin root of 'passion' is 'pati', which actually means 'to suffer.' Looking at all of this and how the show pairs up scenes with different types of passion is a whole other meta. I'm bringing it up here because of the relationship between 'passion' and 'vavoom'...

"Vavoom" means voluptuously sexy. It means passionate. Something having a sense of "vavoom" or "vavavoom" means it is either suggestive of or is sensually pleasing. In GO S2, Maggie & Nina represent the pash use of passion-- the new love, the crush-- while Crowley & Aziraphale are the show's example of passion in its fuller, richer meaning of romantic, erotic love. So now that we eliminated the idea that Crowley is talking about having seen an example of this vavoom he's talking about in a movie-- I mean, 'Kiss Me Deadly' is totally a movie Crowley saw once so he might have first heard the phrase in it, like many people did but there's no vavoom itself the way Crowley describes it in the film, just the phrase-- but yeah, now that we've eliminated the idea that Crowley got his idea from a film, we can say with relative ease that he's talking about something he personally experienced. I think we can all agree that if he did, it was with Aziraphale and the purpose of him bringing it up in the scene is not just as a suggestion to solve the issue of needing to matchmake The Shop Lesbians but as a way of being seductive towards Aziraphale.

This is also part of 'Kiss Me Deadly' in that Crowley here is the Velda to Aziraphale's Hammer. Hammer is preoccupied with the mystery. Velda tries to help him solve it but is also seeking his romantic attention the whole time and being rebuffed in favor of the mystery. It's darker in the film, as you'd probably expect, since it's film noir, and Aziraphale is actually subtly playing back in GO S2. In GO, it's mostly played off as Crowley, kicked out of bed since the religious family are in the guest room lol, continuously making overtures towards Aziraphale to torment him a little for the whole Gabriel situation but also mainly just because he likes to and he misses him. (It has been, like, maybe 18 whole hours lol.) He continues it into later in the day when Muriel is in the bookshop and Aziraphale is a little more overtly playful then but he is in the pub scene as well. All of this also ties into the fact that Aziraphale wants to drive The Bentley but again, that's a whole other meta. Going to stay focused on the kiss here...

So what we're saying is that, in the scene in The Dirty Donkey, Crowley does that whole lean and the sexy hands and that super posh voice he does from time to time to seduce Aziraphale, and describes their first kiss back to Aziraphale when asked to come up with a romantic solution to help their neighbors realize they are in love. Specifically, Crowley says this:

Whew. *fans self* Jesus, Crowley... No wonder why Aziraphale thought you could help The Shop Lesbians. That? Was romantic...

The key thing I love about this is that while everything he says lends itself to the idea of a kiss, he doesn't actually explicitly say that until the later scene in the back room when Muriel is in the bookshop-- the "one fabulous kiss" part. It's evident later on when he explains the plan to Jimbriel and when he puts it into action that his intent is to trigger a scenario that might prompt Maggie and Nina into kissing and when the awning collapses, he feels like he failed at the overall Vavoom. He did, however, see it working from across the street, such were the fireworks, when they looked into each other's eyes and what's sweet and also very hot about this scene in the pub is that the looking into each other's eyes is the key bit of The Vavoom to Crowley. The kiss is what happened as a result of looking into each other's eyes. The romance of the gaze and the passion of the kiss = The Vavoom but the latter without the former isn't the whole rapturous, perfect moment and Crowley is into this moment. He's still weak in the knees over the thought of it.

And what he says happened in it? They looked into each other's eyes and realized they were made for each other? Crowley thinks that. He says that, flat out, to Aziraphale. Crowley. Who was abandoned by the God who was supposed to love him believes that same God created he and Aziraphale for each other. That they're fated, destined soulmates. And that they both knew it, in that moment when they were taking shelter from a sudden rainstorm together, under a canopy, and they gazed into each other's eyes and then

Yes, I am aware that he says "humans" in that bit in the pub scene. He's referring to Nina & Maggie but also he and Aziraphale have a tendency to refer to their love for one another in human terms in different scenes throughout the series, which is probably a whole other meta and *refocuses on finding this damn kiss here*...

So Crowley-- while heavily emphasizing the words "together" and "canopy", both for maximum sexiness and to lead us in the correct direction lol-- tells us what's needed in this scene, right? We need a sudden rainstorm, a canopy, them wet from the rain and taking shelter, Crowley's glasses to be off or he's in a situation to be able to take them off (ironically, unlike he was when he was in the pub while he's talking about all this erotic gazing), and then we have all this gazing into a very vavoom-y, very passionate first kiss.

So, what scenes seem at all remotely tied to things Crowley describes for The Vavoom? There are three scenes that jump out immediately-- and it's none of them lol. They *are not kidding* about quite literally 'three cowrie shells and a lone caraway seed'. There are three scenes that they want you to think could be connected to this and be distracted by to complete their sleight of hand trick. They want you to look towards Aziraphale's hand and not up his sleeve, so to speak.

So the three cowrie shells scenes here are Before the Beginning, Eden, and the Job minisode. Why? They are the scenes that involve Crowley and Aziraphale and some form of a canopy, which is one of the two words in Crowley's whole Vavoom moment that he heavily emphasizes. So it's not Before the Beginning and it's not Eden and why? Because we're missing the other word Crowley heavily emphasizes-- *together.* Crowley and Aziraphale took shelter from a sudden rainstorm *together* under a canopy. That's the set up. But Before the Beginning and Eden-- the first scenes our minds run to-- are not this because they are sheltering *one another* but not sheltering *together*. One of them is exposed to the rain each time.

There's an additional possibility that is thrown into the mix that is tied to these two scenes, which is the S2 announcement poster-- the one that features Crowley and Aziraphale on Whickber Street in the rain. That one is also out because Crowley is being sheltered from the rain by Aziraphale with a tartan umbrella (ridiculously adorable, I agree lol)-- but they're not both sheltering together. That one feels like it was designed just to fuck with us, especially because Crowley's hair in it is, for some reason, at Eleven Years Ago length in it. It's almost like it exists to both be cute and to, after the season is over, make us go wait... was it then? (It was not then.) More distractions. Ok, so, then what about the Job minisode?

Is it ox rib night? This seems to have some elements at play-- there's a roof and a storm and them together and all-around kiss vibes-- but it's actually not this, either. That said? Job is connected to it in a big way and helps prove my theory here so we're going to come back to it. I'll eliminate it here by pointing out that when Crowley defends The Vavoom as a possibility for Maggie & Nina to Aziraphale, he says "get humans wet and staring into each other's eyes" and "humans" in that bit is them, even if they are not fully. This eliminates the Job minisode as The Vavoom because it confirms that Crowley & Aziraphale did get wet as they went to shelter from the storm. In the Job minisode, they never go out in it. So, Job is out, too.

Ok, so then how do we find the one scene that unlocks this and points us towards the answer hidden in plain sight in front of us?

What is the one scene that really should tell us more about The Vavoom? How about the one wherein Crowley partially recreates it?

The Awning of a New Age is the lone carraway seed. Maggie & Nina paralleling Crowley & Aziraphale. What can we learn about what happened with Crowley & Aziraphale from what happened in this Maggie & Nina scene?

We already know that Crowley feels like he partially failed at recreating The Vavoom for them. It was meant to lead into a kiss and then the awning collapsed. That is what is different from Crowley & Aziraphale's first kiss but Crowley was delighted by the gazing, which we already know to be the very important bit of this here. Off of this, we can conclude that there's obviously a parallel of this bit for Crowley & Aziraphale and this is where the parallels in the scene stop. That means that what happens *before* the gazing moment in The Awning of a New Age scene is important because that's the parallel. So, what's happening while Crowley spots them together outside and starts up the rain? They're talking, right? And what are they talking about?

They're talking about one of them-- Nina-- having a partner who is unreasonably upset. Nina is anxious about it. She doesn't blame Maggie for it, as it's not Maggie's fault. It's also not Nina's own fault and what Lindsay wants from Nina is confining and abusive. Lindsay, we learn, is cruel. We decide in this scene really how much we don't like Nina with this woman and that we want her to be with nice Maggie who is sweet and supportive and is over the moon for her.

On the surface, this would seem to be absolutely nothing like any Crowley & Aziraphale scene we've ever seen, right? Fooled by what is on the surface-- modern lesbians in London Soho, one of whom has a romantic partner-- this seems to be a plot Crowley & Aziraphale have never had. Except, that it's not. It's a parallel to one you'll remember.

One, paralleling sentence here for you...

God's a bit tetchy...

Awning of a New Age unlocks that Lindsay being unreasonably angry and dolling out insane punishment for no actual misdeeds is a parallel to God during The Flood. God was Aziraphale's Lindsay-- the unseen, abusive partners, sending down their words and marching orders and causing distress. Crowley approached Aziraphale like how Maggie approaches Nina. Aziraphale half-heartedly tries to defend God the way that Nina half-heartedly tries to defend Lindsay but both pretty much give up in the face of Crowley's and Maggie's sane responses and support. The agreement that the present situation-- Lindsay about to abandon Nina, God about to abandon her creations in The Flood-- is horrible and unjust. They connect over the lack of justice. The Flood scene we saw ends as the rain begins, with Crowley and Aziraphale both looking up as it starts to fall.

Maggie and Nina get further-- they get to the first half of The Vavoom, in parallel. We haven't seen that yet with Crowley & Aziraphale. (Maggie & Nina also didn't have to go stop and save a bunch of people first lol.)

So how do we know that The Flood was the first kiss?

How do we know that Crowley and Aziraphale first kissed in Ancient Mesopotamia in fucking 3004 B.C. and have been vavoom sorted gone on each other ever since?

Because it happening in the aftermath of saving lives in The Flood would then mean it meets every one of the elements Crowley describes. They get wet from the storm. They will work to save everyone, which is evident from Aziraphale being dead fucking certain in the Job minisode that Crowley was a sweetheart who wasn't going to kill any goats or kids. How would he know this for sure? Saying that what God was doing was terrible in The Flood scene isn't enough for Aziraphale's surety by Job. That means that Mesopotamia and The Flood is the first time they teamed up. It means that Crowley saved people and animals during it. It more than likely means that he did so in a way similar to what he does during the Job minisode-- he transformed them into something that could survive the storm, probably rocks or something. (Big Medusa vibes lol.) But what would happen then? Crowley and Aziraphale would have to *stay through the storm to turn the people back*, right?

So, they'd need to seek shelter from the rainstorm. Under a canopy that could survive the storm. One they can both step back under and bump into one another beneath. Most likely, it's an actual canopy in original meaning of the word-- the shelter of trees. I think one of them (Crowley) bolted afterwards, based on the Job minisode, which we'll get to again in a second, and from under a canopy would be the easiest way to just be able to leave during a storm. (They did not spend the Biblical 40 days and 40 nights under that canopy or they almost certainly would have wound up having sex, which the show is suggesting in other scenes didn't happen for awhile after this which is also another meta lol.) But there's also another reason for trees that kind of cracks me up.

Remember when Aziraphale comes back from Edinburgh in S2 and, before he left, they had their whole Our Car/Our Bookshop thing and Crowley's been peeved for a day now over how Aziraphale got to go adventure in The Bentley and he got to wear a cardigan and babysit their former attempted murderer? And about how what he's really playfully irritated over is that he keeps trying to use Operation Shop Lesbians to turn Aziraphale on by mentioning their Vavoomy first kiss and Aziraphale is, kind of hilariously in retrospect, just totally tormenting him by barely indulging him on it? What happens when Aziraphale comes back from his trip?

Crowley-- genuinely-- says "there you are-- I was worried something had happened to you" and he's off-camera for a moment as he does so and the camera is on Aziraphale, who kind of seems like he would like one of Crowley's kisses about now. But what does Aziraphale get in place of where a kiss could have gone?

A face full of plants lol.

In their box, so that when he handed them to Aziraphale, they hung over his head like a canopy.

Don't wanna talk about The Vavoom, angel? Fine. You're just getting the trees. Mwah. *goes to his car and is all did you misssssss me kissy face*

Aziraphale, in old married bitch mode:

Finally, there's that Ancient Mesopotamia is, chronologically, the last scene so far in which Crowley is not seen wearing glasses, which is essential because Crowley-- while wearing his glasses in the pub lol-- describes the key bit of The Vavoom as involving staring into one another's eyes, which Crowley & Aziraphale can't do if Crowley has his glasses on. Since Crowley wears his glasses in approximately 87% of Good Omens, it means that the answer is in a scene where he's either not wearing them at all or could be seen as able to take them off. Mesopotamia meets that criteria. But there's still one more thing that can really hammer home the idea of this The Flood, Part 2 being their first kiss and that's going to be how we end up back at the Job minisode again.

Go back and think of the Job minisode again but now with the idea that the last time they saw one another-- ages before it-- they shared this moment of wildly passionate vavoom and look at how it recontextualizes the entire minisode.

Start with when they first see each other again. Where did *that* Aziraphale come from? He's teasing him.

The Aziraphale in Before the Beginning and in Eden and in the first bit of The Flood that we've seen is more anxious. He's not afraid of Crowley and he's definitely attracted to him but he's distracted by the dangers of what is happening while they're talking. Suddenly, he jumps from the Aziraphale of The Flood to the Aziraphale of the Job minisode. This one is flirtier. This one is literally like all so you never called-ing Bildad the Shuite lol. He's all "last time I saw you was... The Flood?" like he doesn't know and Crowley is all tight nod ohfuckit'shim and also ohfuckit'shimhavemissedhimsomuch and hiding behind his sunglasses-- Bildad is the first appearance of the sunglasses, chronologically, so we go from the Vavoomy gaze to Crowley hiding his eyes... this then all moves into the courtyard scene after a few moments...

Oh, what's this now? The only scene in the whole series in which Aziraphale asks Crowley to take his glasses off? And he does? So quickly-- intentionally-- that his expression from before is still on his face and it's just nothing but naked want like he's saying oh you wondered how I was looking at you from behind these this whole time? yeah, it was like this... Aziraphale is straight up asking for more vavoom. Take the glasses off. Look me in the eye and tell me you want this and yeah, sure, they're talking *on the surface* on *one level* of their conversation about whether or not Crowley is exhibiting serial killer tendencies and wanting to kill small animals and kids but, really, this scene is also the formation of their coded way of speaking to one another. Crowley's "I want to. I long (pause) to kill the blameless kids of Job the way I killed his blameless goats" and then lifting just enough of the magic to let Aziraphale see that he had actually not killed the goats at all but had actually faked their deaths, indicating that that was his plan for saving the kids as well... Well, it also means that *all* of what Crowley just said to him was coded. That's the weird pause after "I long" that breaks it into two sentences. It makes the second level of their conversation that Crowley whipped off his glasses, gazed into Aziraphale's eyes, and said I want to, I long... meaning, I want you, I want to kiss you again, I long for you...

But the bit of the Job episode that sells me on The Flood being The Vavoom is actually the bit just after Crowley miracles himself, Aziraphale, the kids, Jemimah's pot (because he's so not a serial killer, he saved the damn pot lol), the wine (because fuck that little Influencer Brat of Job-- Crowley's not about to kill a kid but he absolutely will drink the last of his wine for treating Aziraphale like a whore lol), and the food down to the cellar and started iguana-ing the kids. Why this bit? Because Aziraphale is fucking giddy and is just tormenting the living fuck out of Crowley.

He's all "I knew it!" and when you first watch the scene, right, you could think he means he knew that Crowley would save the kids. Yet, he already knows that by this point-- that's what the courtyard scene was. That's why he's yelling that he's "QUITE SURE" when Crowley asks him if he is (and calls him "angel" for the first time when doing so) while he's setting everything on fire just a moment before. Obviously, Aziraphale is happy that Crowley didn't kill the kids but what he's all I knew it *smug smile, actually fucking wiggling with flirty joy* about is that Crowley wanted to be alone with him again and would find a way to make it happen because what's the plan? The one that Aziraphale is totally teasing him about?

Aziraphale is going on about how oh, this is *Satan's* big plan, huh? A *big storm*? He loves every minute of it and he also really loves Crowley getting very close to him-- kissable close-- and being all "ooh aren't you brilliant?" when Aziraphale was acting smug. When did Crowley get that comfortable getting that close to him?

But yeah, Aziraphale loving every second of Crowley saving the kids, turning them into sightless/soundless iguanas, and sending a storm over the land for the night while keeping the two of them dry in a little cellar canopy so they can be alone together again-- essentially, repeating a version of The Vavoom scenario, as he'll still be trying to do millennia later... Aziraphale thought that very romantic and had no problem flirtily teasing the hell out of Crowley for it. Crowley's game is as ancient as Bildad the Shuite lol.

So yeah, what we're saying here is that there's a The Flood, Part 2 and that it's likely in S3. I actually wouldn't be surprised if it opened S3, since the first two seasons are opened with the other canopy-themed firsts-- the two first times they met, really, in Before the Beginning and Eden, both with the wing canopy-ing of one another-- so S3 could be the tree canopy and their first kiss. The Flood also seems likely to return because of how it ties thematically to the whole end of the world of S3's Second Coming plot.

One aspect of this theory that I really like is also that it means that Crowley was more female-presenting during their first kiss (which also goes along with the feminine energy sometimes associated with the phrase "vavoom"/"vavavoom") but also that when they next see one another in the Job minisode, Crowley is the more male-presenting Bildad the Shuite... and Aziraphale is really just into all of it. He's just into Crowley, full stop. We already know he is but I like the idea of it tied to their early days and showing it unfold a bit and how it's just all fine by Aziraphale, who just loves this being and is happy to see them and get to be alone with them again. It's very sweet and romantic.

I guess the last thing to say is that if this is true, we're all going to have a field day redoing the psychoanalysis of this bit below, aren't we?

[kaedekolya]

clarence and his counterparts: man or monster?

So we were talking about Clarence’s new android SSR (Faint Night Light) in the LBC discord server, and it got me thinking about the monster allusions that seem to be a common thread across Clarence’s main stories. Then we discussed the diary entries from his White Day event, and it occurred to me that this monster imagery also ties into his modern-day counterpart – and with that, this post was born.

In other words: is Clarence a man, a monster, or somewhere in between?

[ SPOILERS: Clarence’s main stories and Chrono Theatre diaries. This meta analysis is structured as story-specific sections, namely Godheim, Eden, and the modern world, so you can skip over the world(s) you haven't read yet. No Awakening spoilers, don't worry! ]

- ☽ -

Godheim: Archmage Clarence

First, let’s talk about Godheim Clarence. As the Archmage, he bears a heavy responsibility upon his shoulders – to oversee the Magi Tower, to fight the Glacial Butterflies, and, ultimately, to protect the country and its people.

In order to fulfil this duty that he has chosen to undertake, Clarence seals his heart and shuts others out. He denies his emotions, and resents himself for having these emotions, to the point that he disparages MC for “[acting] impetuously” and belittles her capabilities when she shows concern for Amelia’s wellbeing. Archmage Clarence’s impassivity is his shield against the emotions he views as a hindrance.

Yet he was not always this way. Clarence is a casualty of cruel circumstances, a tender soul torn apart by trauma. When MC is confronted with the truth of the mages’ magic, having witnessed a mage die before her very eyes, she notes that “[there] is no pain or compassion on Clarence’s face,” because “[this] is a sight he has seen all too many times before.” Decades of watching his fellow mages succumb to the Glacial Butterflies that nest inside them, and decades of having to end the lives of mutating mages under his purview, have conditioned Clarence into numbing his heart to such pain. How else could he have stayed sane, after a century of bearing witness to suffering wrought by his own hands?

Archmage Clarence’s disposition is initially described by MC as an “[icy] presence,” but this is the facade that he projects as a defence mechanism, not his genuine self. Clarence is so accustomed to the chill of the Glacial Butterflies within him that he has taken on the frost as a personality trait, believing that his frigidity defines him. He does not view himself as a human capable of warmth; instead, he thinks of himself as a mutant, as an icy monster.

Even so, Clarence cannot deny his innate inclination towards kindness. When he notices that Amelia isn’t feeling well, he tells her to sit in the carriage. When Amelia’s temperature drops, he casts a spell to warm the shivering child up, even as he grumbles that he’s wasting his time and magic. When Amelia’s death is imminent, he tries to send her off in the gentlest way possible, then grants her final wish by conjuring a connection to the water mirror. Clarence may insist that he does not care, but his actions reflect his compassion.

It is this very kindness that steers him towards a path of selfless sacrifice, for the sake of his country and its people. The life of a mage may have been forced upon him, by the man that gave a gravely injured child no other option but the potion that would transform him, yet Clarence learns to harness his power for good. He spends his youth eliminating Glacial Butterflies and protecting the village of the snow plains, and despite the harsh conditions of the path he now treads, he does not hold a grudge against the family that sold him off and thrived in the resulting profit. Instead, he returns to check on them from afar, and when an onslaught of Glacial Butterflies attack, he protects them with every last bit of energy within him.

Still, his family’s betrayal left an indelible mark on his psyche. Back when he’d been given the potion, he’d resolved to succumb to his injuries rather than drink it. Despite his instinctive desire to live, MC notes that his “will to live [had been] virtually non-existent,” because there is “[no] despair greater than being betrayed by your own family.” The young Clarence had not seen a reason to live, when his family had forsaken him. It is only when MC saves him, urging him to live on, that he resolves to survive and repay this debt. Each time MC encounters him in her voyage through time, he is on the verge of death, and each time, his dwindling will to live stems from his despair over those he could not save. What ultimately keeps him alive is the vow he swore to his saviour.

This characterisation is one that carries through his immortal lifespan. Clarence does not live for himself; he lives for others. Whether that means risking his life to defend a village, or sacrificing himself in a ritual to save the country’s inhabitants, the underlying premise is the same – Clarence lives for the person who saved him, and for the promise he made to them. He allows others to form negative opinions of him based on the assumptions they’ve made, in order to keep the secret of the ritual and the Glacial Butterflies from them, because their scorn towards him matters less than their safety. He closes himself off from others, never permitting them to reach out to him, because he cannot allow companionship and compassion to distract him from his purpose. He “[cannot] afford to be sentimental,” because he cannot have anyone or anything clouding his judgement. Better to be the enemy of the state that saves it, than the friend of the state that cannot do anything as it crumbles. 

It is ironic, then, that Clarence’s devotion to his promise leads him from striving to live and fulfil it, to voluntarily dying for that same promise. His life, his existence itself, is secondary to the promise he has made. He will live to protect the world for his saviour, but if the only way to protect it is to die, then die he shall. Perhaps he views it as a penance of sorts, an atonement for the sins he’s committed. Perhaps he believes the new world would be better off without a monster like him.

For all his calculative callousness and stoic solitude, Clarence is deeply self-aware. Not only is he conscious of the suffering he inflicts and the ramifications of his actions, but he also ruminates upon his sins until they turn to guilt in his gut and self-loathing in the deepest recesses of his soul. He does not turn a blind eye to the pain he witnesses; instead, he looks it straight in the eye, internalises it, and forces himself to feel nothing at all.

Clarence may appear to have no qualms about exploiting people and reducing them to cogs in a plan greater than its constituent parts, but his interactions with Amelia prove otherwise. Right before he sends her off on what is meant to be a suicide mission, his carefully-crafted defenses slip, and he asks whether she hates him. Clarence believes that he has failed to live up to the Archmage’s title, that he has fallen short of being a “guiding force for all the mages” and a “protector.” He condemns himself for his callous strategies and merciless manipulation, since he has been treating people like chess pieces and “using them as [he sees] fit.” He disparages himself for “[standing] by on the sidelines, safe and sound.” He believes others hate him because he’s given them all the reasons to, because he deserves to be hated, because he, too, hates himself. All this while, he fails to recognise that he has taken on the greatest sacrifice of all – the burden of leadership, of decision-making, of being responsible for all the blood on his hands.

This downplaying of his own suffering, alongside his disregard of his own well-being, is what drives Clarence to self-sacrifice time and time again. When a theory about the Glacial Butterflies begins to take shape in his mind, he does not test it out on one of his mages, because he does not view them as expendable despite what he claims. Instead, he uses himself for his experiment, slicing his chest open and bearing the agonising pain in order to ascertain the truth of the magic within him.

On the verge of being overcome by the Glacial Butterflies, despite having prepared for this eventuality by shackling his limbs, he makes one last selfless request. “My Lord, you must kill me before I turn,” he entreats, willing to relinquish his own life for the safety of others. Even when Philip protects him from the Glacial Butterflies, refusing to kill him, Clarence believes that there is no place for him in the future that his Lord envisions.

Decades later, he still echoes this same sentiment. “There is no future without sacrifice,” he tells Lars, and he does not see himself as part of that future, does not see himself as deserving of that future. Archmage Clarence thinks of himself as a monster, not a man, and a monster is better off dead than alive.

It is a revelation, to him, that Amelia does not hate him. MC does not hate him. Lars, Alkaid, the mages that carry on the legacy of the Magi Tower, none of them hate him. They do not view him as a monster; they view him as a martyr, a protector, a saviour. Someone who did his best, and gave his all. Archmage Clarence leaves behind a legacy through his sacrifice, spurred by the human heart he still harbours deep within.

- ☽ -

Eden: Falcon Clarence

Next, we have the Falcon Clarence of Eden. The lone ranger of the desert, the mercenary that eliminates Sandswimmers with impeccable precision and works with no one else.

“A bait that only knows how to cry is a burden,” his mentor tells him, and Clarence internalises that into his cognitive framework and guiding compass. It is “the first lesson Liore taught [him];” that he must prove his worth in order to live. His scent lures the Sandswimmers to him, and so he must make himself useful by seeking out danger.

Valued only for his utility as bait, Clarence learns that his worth is determined by his fighting skills. With no other way to survive, he becomes a NEOS by fusing Sandswimmer gems into his body. Clarence pays the price of this acquired power through the gradual erosion of his memories, but that is far from the only thing he has lost. His decision to accept the integration of these foreign, beastly objects into his body has changed him irrevocably. He thinks of himself not as a human, but as a mutant being only one step away from becoming a monstrous Lost. Still, he endeavours to “remember [his] humanity,” because he refuses to become a “mere weapon [that knows] nothing but destruction.” Falcon Clarence understands that he is, by definition, a monster, but he refuses to relinquish the last shreds of his humanity.

In his first encounter with MC, he is rational and pragmatic as always, scrutinising her motives and seeing no reason to work together. Years of solitude, with no one else to depend on, have honed Clarence’s reflexes into an “instinct for self-defence.” Yet his reaction to MC’s request reveals that his solitude has been shaped by circumstance, not entirely by choice. When MC explains her reason for seeking out Eden, even though it does not sound particularly convincing, Clarence accepts it as sufficient and agrees to lead the way. Despite the potential risk of allowing a stranger close, he offers MC a ride on his motorcycle. Subsequently, he continues to help her out, defending the children’s shelter and giving her the gems he’d collected, even as he refuses to follow her any further.

Falcon Clarence claims that he works alone, but everything he does is for the sake of protecting others. He fights in the desert to protect the shelters from Sandswimmers, and he fights in Eden to protect Lin and the other NEOS from the Lost. He brings MC to the NEOS Association, so that she can rest for a night and learn essential skills from Lin. He knows that the night is dangerous, so despite his own preference for working alone, he ensures that MC has a community of protection around her.

Even as he dismisses everything and everyone else as burdens, his actions speak otherwise. Despite having met MC for only a single day, he offers his assistance to her time and time again, from rides on his motorcycle to filling water bottles with her. He could easily leave her to fend for herself, but he chooses not to leave her behind even when that would be the easier way out.

Perhaps the reason Clarence refuses to work with other people is that he’s afraid. Afraid of dragging them down, afraid of becoming their burden. He fears that history will repeat itself. He cannot bear to lose someone he cares for again, so he refrains from caring about anyone at all. Each time Clarence chastises others for being a hindrance, he is reproaching his past self for his inadequacy. Each time he risks his life to protect others, he is atoning for his failure to save his mentor.

MC says that she understands how Clarence feels, because “acting alone means nobody will be hurt because of [him].” In a way, acting alone also protects himself from being hurt. It is a defence mechanism born from his past, when he had to “learn to accept [his] losses” from a young age. He couldn’t afford to grieve Liore for long, not with the constant threat of the Sandswimmers, and so he could do nothing else but “live on with what memories [he] had left.” He’d forced himself to harden his heart to his emotions, but he could not suppress them entirely.

Clarence blames his moment of weakness, of emotional folly, for causing Liore’s death. It was her humanity, even in her final moments as a Lost, that held her back from killing him and caused her to die. He regrets his choice to this day, and perhaps it is this survivor’s guilt that pushes him to fight harder until he reaches the brink.

It is this same guilt, alongside his resolve to not lose anyone else he cares for, that drives him towards self-sacrifice. When he realises that MC needs a soul stone – his soul stone – to open the door within Central Control, he unflinchingly raises his gun to his head, as if it were the natural and logical decision to make. He is ready to offer his life without a moment’s hesitation, because that is the utility he can offer in this moment, in order to keep MC safe and help her achieve her goal. She has given him a reason to fight, and he will die trying to fulfil it.

Ultimately, it is his encounter with MC – and the companionship which blooms from it – that saves him. Without demanding anything in return, she cries for his pain, fights by his side, and shoulders his burdens with him. Clarence doubts his humanity, even as he holds fast to it, since he is all too cognisant of the monstrous traits within. In turn, MC’s unwavering trust reaffirms the humanity within him, reminding him that he is worthy of living.

Falcon Clarence may not be fully human on a biological level, and he may still succumb to the effects of the monsters within him from time to time, but he has managed to preserve his heart and his humanity. His tale is one of healing, of opening up, and of learning to value himself for who he is and not what he can do.

- ☽ -

Modern World: Clarence

Finally, let’s circle back to modern-day Clarence. At first glance, he’s the calm, collected, and capable Student Council president, who always seems to have affairs in order and circumstances under control.

Then, in his Chrono Theatre diary entries, we learn that he had a psychiatrist observing him from a young age, due to his gifted aptitude and exceptional intelligence beyond that of his peers. This revelation sparked a discussion in the LBC discord server, which spurred this message of mine that then became the basis for this meta post:

Clarence is well-versed in decorum, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it comes naturally to him. It’s likely that he learned social etiquette by picking it up from observing how other people behave, so he knows the appropriate responses to give and the socially-acceptable ways to carry himself. However, because this social understanding is not an innate trait but a learned one, there are often times when he doesn’t recognise the need for social niceties, and instead his instinctual response – founded on his internal logic – comes through.

One example of this can be found as early as his second interaction with MC, after she paints an artwork of him:

The polite thing to do would be to express interest in or appreciation of the finished product, regardless of one’s actual feelings towards it. However, Clarence “doesn’t show the slightest interest” in MC’s painting. Does this mean that he doesn’t care for it, and doesn’t see the need to put on a pretence? Quite the contrary. Instead, it’s because he thinks he doesn’t have anything useful to offer in response, and thus he stays silent.

Here, we see a disconnect between how Clarence understands the world, and how other people tend to view it. While most people would appreciate receiving praise or validation, Clarence doesn’t particularly see the need to receive either, and thus doesn’t immediately think of giving them to others. Rather, he takes a more pragmatic approach, focusing on utility; a piece of work deserves feedback for the effort poured into it. However, as a law major, he does not have sufficient knowledge or expertise regarding art. As such, he believes that his feedback would not be useful, and thus it is better not to say anything at all.

This ties into how Clarence views himself as his roles, and the functions he can serve. He understands that he has worth, but he evaluates this worth through his services as the Student Council president, or his contributions as a law intern. When he assists others, he doesn’t think of it as going out of his way to help them; instead, he views it as part of his rightful duty.

As a result, Clarence doesn’t view himself as simply “Clarence.” Rather, he thinks of himself as Clarence, the Student Council president; Clarence, an upperclassman; Clarence, a friend. If he can fulfil someone’s needs through a role that he holds, he will do it, even at the expense of himself.

We see this most prominently in Clarence’s “Break Time” R card story:

When the senior who’s supposed to interpret for an academic speaker falls ill and fails to attend, Clarence steps up to fill their shoes last-minute. William notes that Clarence can be counted on to show up whenever and wherever he’s needed, and MC agrees that he’s “the only one who’s up to the task.”

However, what most people don’t recognise are the sheer lengths Clarence will go to in order to fulfil his duties. On top of his regular responsibilities, filling in for the interpreter caused Clarence to “[burn] the midnight oil” preparing for the speech, and taking care of the sick speaker meant that Clarence could not sleep for two days. He doesn’t recognise that he’s constantly going above and beyond, because to him it’s a given, but he is in fact pushing himself past his limits, and past the line that most people would draw.

It’s interesting to examine MC’s thoughts here, because she interprets Clarence’s willingness to take a nap as a rational understanding that he needs to rest in order to keep functioning. However, this only happens after MC coaxes him into taking a break. If she hadn’t intervened, Clarence would have continued pushing himself until he completed his task – he was already at “the brink of collapse,” and he “only agreed to sleep after [MC] practically begged him to.” Clarence prioritises his responsibilities to the point that he does not recognise his own needs, and thus neglects to take care of himself.

Although modern Clarence doesn’t think of himself as different, or as anything less than a person, it’s evident that he views himself as the roles he fulfils rather than simply as who he is. In turn, this mindset is reflected in his behaviour, which then shapes other people’s perceptions of him. This is how Clarence becomes characterised as the aloof and intimidating Student Council president in the students’ eyes, even though he cares so deeply and helps out so much; most people are unable to look deeper and see Clarence as the person that he is, because he perceives and presents himself through the lens of his roles.

As such, other people often view Clarence as different from themselves – as if he’s operating on a different wavelength, or existing on a separate plane entirely. Modern Clarence’s genius sets him apart from his peers, but more than that, his perspective of himself winds up alienating himself from other people. Clarence views himself as like others, but others view him as unlike them. He blends in well enough, but he doesn’t quite fit in; he has a place in society, but he doesn’t quite belong.

- ☽ -

Clarence, across time and space

Out of all the Clarences thus far, modern Clarence is perhaps the most well-adjusted, and this reflects the importance of having a support system. Godheim Clarence and Eden Clarence were isolated from a young age and survived alone throughout most of their lives, whereas modern Clarence had family and friends around him. He may not have had the most conventional childhood, but he grew up with his older sister Jaclyn and his close friend Luca, and he also had his psychiatrist Ford observing and monitoring his development. Subsequently, after he enters St Shelter Academia, he gains a circle of friends he can rely on, such as William, O’Connor, and, of course, MC.

Expanding upon Clarence’s St Shelter Academia bonds, we see that Clarence has people around him who genuinely like him for who he is, and are willing to support him unconditionally. O’Connor affectionately refers to Clarence with a nickname – “Shi-kun” in the Japanese voiceover, or “Little Si Lan” in the Chinese one – and for all his devious teasing, it’s clear he looks out for his Student Council successor. As for William, he may whine about Clarence’s by-the-book discipline, but his clumsiness and complaints do not preclude him from helping out when needed. For all that Clarence often chastises William, he still relies on him to assist with Student Council matters, and he knows William is someone he can trust.

Compared to these two, MC is a relatively newer connection, but her bond with Clarence runs deep. Right off the bat, she’s able to meet him on his level and banter with him, and he lets down his guard enough to subtly tease her for trying to trick him. As their relationship develops, Clarence grows to trust her, sharing his inner thoughts and admitting his vulnerabilities. MC is a safe haven for him, and she understands him on a level deeper than most. While the other students may fear Clarence for his aloof disposition, or hesitate to approach him due to his detached rationality, MC sees the earnest sincerity woven into his actions and the warmth laced through his words. Others may think of him as an unfeeling robot or a terrifying monster, but MC loves him for the human that he is.

There’s a subtle but interesting juxtaposition here, in which Godheim Clarence and Eden Clarence – both possessing monstrous mutations within them – view themselves as monsters while most others do not, whereas modern Clarence – wholly human – views himself as human while most others do not. All three Clarences are keenly aware of what constitutes them, allowing this biological understanding to shape their perception of themselves, but they do not recognise that their actions paint a different picture to others.

Regardless of the world he inhabits, Clarence constantly straddles the line between man and monster. His selfless nature and dutiful diligence often lead him to self-sacrifice and superhuman feats, creating the illusion of a monster – but beneath this facade lies, always, the heart of a human.

- ☽ -

thank you for reading!♡

if you have any thoughts about this post, i'd love to hear them! responses are always welcome, and my ask box is open~

up next: android clarence, and the inevitability of tragedy. where is the line between human and machine? stay tuned for my thoughts on clarence's awakening main story!

[lilyginnyblackv2]

Buddy Daddies - Episode 7 - Thought Post - Side Rei

Oh, Rei...OTL

This episode was an eye opener for him. But, I also think it did a good job of highlighting how this isn’t just Rei “being lazy” and not contributing enough, but also about Rei just not knowing how to do these things. 

When he opens the fridge, he doesn’t even know which stuff in there is the food. And this is because of his upbringing, not necessarily because he was rich, but because he was brought up to kill and that was it. Skills pertaining to his ability to kill were the only thing his father and family focused on, so that was all he learned. 

If you don’t teach a child how to do something (whether physically or emotionally), how can we expect them to know how to do it as an adult? That’s the issue facing Rei here. That’s not to say that he is completely blameless here or that he hasn’t put in any effort. He has, but a lot of the things he does right tend to be more accidental and where he is largely putting in some effort (like playing games with her) is a bit misguided. Making sure she stays protected from people who can harm her is an area he has gotten extremely good at though.

But, let’s look at some of the things that I think Rei accidentally gets right with Miri. By being, on a life skills and emotional development level, in a similar place as Miri, he ends up accidentally being really good at allowing Miri to guide him at times. For example, in this week’s episode we have this moment:

Rei is in front of her closet, looks at her, and askes, “What do you need to take?” He’s asking about her things for daycare. Miri is then able to point to the sheet of paper that tells him everything he needs (a little checklist). This is a good thing to do with children around Miri’s age from time to time, since it can not only work as a good confidence booster for them, but also let the parent or teacher know that the child understands aspects of their daily routine.

Of course, it isn’t good for a parent or teacher to rely on this. Why? Because the child is still a child and still learning and will sometimes make mistakes, like Miri does when she says to Rei, “Don’t I have daycare today?” And then this mistake is what ultimately leads to Miri developing a cold and fever later on in the episode, because she wasn’t wearing proper clothes and Rei was riding too fast, thus making it even colder and wetter.

But, we’ll get back to that in a bit.

The rest of this I will put under a Read More due to length.

We also see that Rei views Miri on pretty equal footing in many ways. Here are two examples of this: 

The first is when Miri asks to play Morio Kart with Rei and he tells her “no,” because she gets upset when she loses. This indicates that he doesn’t go easy on her, which is a good thing. Allowing children to lose at games is a good thing. The not so good thing though, is that she gets upset when she loses and Rei doesn’t help her through that (because he, himself, doesn’t know how to handle emotions like that). So, instead, he basically just parent-locks the game away from her. That doesn’t help her learn, that just ends up punishing her, in a way, for not being able to understand how to express her upset. Of course, that isn’t Rei’s intentions.

The second example of this is the scene when Miri and Rei are eating the dinner Kazuki made:

He doesn’t force her to eat the food (and neither does Kazuki in the end, actually), but he also goes down to her level in not showing proper acknowledgement of the hard work Kazuki put into making the meal. We saw this earlier in the episode too:

After a meal they have earlier in the episode, Miri says a proper “Thanks for the food,” in Japanese ごちそうさまでした (gouchisousamadeshita). The subs have Rei say, “Same.” And that is an excellent translation (really, kudos to the sub and dub translators for Buddy Daddies, because the translations have been so good in general!). Basically, Rei just ends up parroting off of Miri in this scene by saying the tail end of the full, proper saying. He just says でした (deshita). 

Up until this week’s episode, Rei was able to skate by on not having these skills, because Kazuki would just do all this stuff for him, and there were no real consequences or level of accountability for his actions. The closest was Episode 5, but that ended up working out okay.

In this week’s episode, Miri does end up being all right, but she isn’t completely safe from harm. Because of Rei’s lack of life skills, Miri ends up getting very sick. This ends up scaring Rei shitless.

The scene of him going around, opening all the draws and seeing absolutely nothing he could use to help Miri. The closest thing being medicine that are for adults only (another great detail that highlight how both Kazuki and Rei are still learning how to make their household accommodating for a child). Is a great way to show just how panicked and worried he was, since I’m sure everyone has had a similar experience to this one, when looking for something very important you need - and just not finding it.

Eventually, Rei realizes he needs to take her to a doctor and that he needs to seek outside help right away to make sure she gets better. And that is a great thing about this week’s episode. Kazuki and Rei’s storylines are kept separate for the most part, because the episode highlights how getting help outside of your partner is necessary sometimes (and is far healthier). Before, they were being co-dependent and that was taking a toll on them (Rei with a lack of skills, and Kazuki with being able to keep locking away his emotions and not allowing himsef to move on because he could focus all his time and energy on caring for Miri and Rei). 

In the end, they both find the right person in their extended family and community to help them in just the right way that they need. Kyutaro for Rei (not Kazuki he wasn’t the right fit), and Karin for Kazuki.

Before Rei brings Miri to Kyutaro though, he has the realization of:

“I can’t do anything.”

And that is very, very important. This was his wake-up call that he if he wants to make sure no harm comes to Miri, then he needs to step up his game and put effort into learning these skills. Because yes, he is an adult who wasn’t taught these things, but he is also an adult who is responsible for a child - a whole other life. And I think that finally sunk in for Rei this episode.

When Kazuki gets home he sees that the apartment is a mess and at first thinks that it is just because Rei and Miri are both not good at household chores, so that is just the expected outcome. But then he sees this in Miri’s room:

Miri sleeping in her bed with Rei sleeping right beside her, his hand covering hers. She has a wet washcloth on her forehead, a glass of water on the bedside table, an opened medicine packet from the pharmacist, and a thermometer is sitting in arms reach. Everything that should be there, is, and Rei made sure Miri took the medicine and got the sleep that she needed. 

In the end, he was able to make sure Miri got everything she needed in this situation. He took care of her. 

Finally, the episode ends with Rei (with what seemed to be implied the help of Miri) making Kazuki French toast.

It isn’t the best. It’s burnt and seems like it may have been oversaturated as well, so it likely doesn’t taste the best either. But Rei and Miri tried. They put love and effort into that. And Rei looks very nervous and eager at the same time. He wants to know how he did:

His shoulders are tense, his eyebrows furrowed, and he leans forward. This is a great step in the right direction and reminds me of how people often say that children want to be helpful. Rei’s never really been given the chance to be helpful before now, but not that he has that experience, it seems like he wants to try and actually be helpful. 

So let’s hope that we see him doing just that! I want future episodes to carry this character growth over, just like they’ve carried plot points over before (such as their issue with going over their budget in Episode 4 leading to money issues in Episode 5). I have trust in the writers and directors that they will though. Otherwise, it would make this episode a moot one. Here’s to Rei Papa continuing to learn and grow and do his best! <3

[thefreshprinceofjunes]

reading about kh3 gameplay mechanics on the khwiki (cuz i didnt do shit fuck with 99% of them when i played it) and like

the shotlock for oblivion is called ‘dawn eclipse’ in japanese, while oathkeepers is ‘sunset bright’

and i realized

kairi is associated with sunsets, which in kh (and in real life) are symbolic of endings

while riku is associated with dawn/sunrises, which are symbolic of new beginnings

also, dawn eclipse? like the dawn being eclipsed by something?

and sunset meaning the loss of (day)light, while sunrise means the return?

[rovingotter]

Expanding on my thoughts from this post:  https://www.tumblr.com/rovingotter/763436728814075904/heavy-spoilers-for-joker-folie-%C3%A0-deux-beneath-the?source=share

More spoilers for Joker: Folie à Deux beneath the cut.

The original Joker left it sort of ambiguous as to whether Arthur becoming the Joker was a good or a bad thing.  I mean, obviously it was bad for the people he killed and the people affected by the in-movie violence he inspired, but there was some indication that this was actually a positive thing for Arthur’s mental health.  He started the movie miserable and powerless and ended it smiling and surrounded by admirers.  In the final scene, he seemed at peace with his new self, even if he was behind bars.

Folie quickly dismantles the idea that this represented a positive shift for Arthur.  In fact it’s one of the first things the movie does.

The opening cartoon shows Arthur’s shadow coming to life, committing crimes in his name and then Arthur being blamed and beaten up as a result.  When we see Arthur himself, he’s regressed back into his meek, quiet persona.  He is, if anything, in worse shape than he was at the beginning of the first movie.  He’s lost many of his endearing quirks, like his offbeat sense of humor.  It’s hard to imagine this Arthur playing peek-a-boo with a random baby on the bus.  He seems almost robotic.  And this isn’t surprising, considering he’s spent two years being abused in the hellhole that is Arkham.

Some viewers were disappointed with this character regression, but it seems kind of inevitable.  Like, he’s in a place where he’s locked in a room most of the time and is not even allowed to shave himself.  He’s completely at the mercy of his handlers, and when he misbehaves he gets thrown into solitary confinement.  He’s heavily medicated, on top of that.  Of course being the Joker is not sustainable in this environment.  It’s a reality check:  the catharsis was temporary.  Now he’s just trapped in hell, utterly alone.

(Though, still, they give us a moment where a fellow inmate asks for a kiss from Joker and Arthur just gently, nonchalantly kisses him on the lips.  Kinda surprised no one else has talked about that?)

Enter Lee.  From the beginning there are signs that she’s probably going to be a bad influence on him, but of course he latches onto her when she shows interest because for one thing she may very well be the first person to ever show romantic interest in him (Folie pretty much confirms many viewers’ headcanons that Arthur is a virgin who’s never had a romantic relationship) and for another, she’s a small ray of sunshine in a very dark place.  But of course she’s specifically obsessed with the version of him from the TV movie…which is one of the many elements that makes this movie feel like meta commentary, because even though it’s probably not identical to the Joker that exists in our world, it’s a movie called Joker, about this Joker, which has inspired an obsessed fan who thinks it’s pretty cool that he killed those assholes and hopes that he’ll engage in more mayhem.

The movie also introduces Arthur’s lawyer, who from the beginning is pulling him in the opposite direction.  She’s trying to get him actual medical help and reintegrate him into society, but first they have to convince the jury that it was the Joker personality, not Arthur, who did that stuff.  Does she really believe that Arthur has DID?  Who knows?  But she’s working within an imperfect system, she knows that he is genuinely ill and wasn’t fully responsible for his actions, and she also recognizes that this is his best chance for avoiding the electric chair, so she tries to coach him on the right things to say to the press and the jury.  Which Arthur is clearly not comfortable with, because it involves lying, presenting himself as weak and helpless, and also cooperating with a system that’s been fucking him over his entire life.

Soon enough, Lee is telling him to stop taking his meds, she’s setting stuff on fire and encouraging him to get into trouble, she’s bribing the guards so she can sneak into solitary confinement and fuck him, she’s telling him to wear his clown makeup to the trial and to fire his lawyer.  Arthur’s lawyer, meanwhile, is like, “Listen I know she’s cute and all but this bitch is insane and you need to stop listening to her” and Arthur is like, “BUT DADDY, I LOVE HER.”  Even after he finds out that Lee basically lied about her entire sad backstory in order to manipulate him, HE DOESN’T CARE.  Because she makes him feel good.  She’s the only person who makes him feel good. Even if she's probably going to get him killed.

Which—again, I think is a really interesting central dilemma for a movie!  People say stuff like “nothing happens in this” but this is a shit ton of material to work with.

So I guess the question is, how did it go so wrong?  Obviously, this movie did not work for most people. The reviews are abysmal. While there were aspects I liked, I left the theater feeling like I’d just been kicked repeatedly in the balls and the soul by a cackling Todd Phillips marionette. And not in a good way, in a “fuck you, I already have your money” kind of way.  Is it just the ending?  I mean, that’s definitely part of it. 

I guess it’s the overriding sense that this movie is not pro-Joker but also not pro-Arthur.  He makes the choice to be true to himself—and himself is Arthur—and then the movie viciously punishes him for that, even though it’s set this up as the right choice.  Is the movie pro-anything?  Is the message just “fuck everyone”?

I know people made the same complaints about the first movie—that it was nihilistic, that it didn’t have a message—but to me the first movie was a pretty straightforward exploration of how violence creates more violence.  I did not think Joker was pro-Joker or pro vigilante murder, but the first movie did paint Arthur as a sympathetic figure who had snapped under pressure and made the wrong choices, and yet now, here—in Folie—he makes the final choice to reject his violent persona and reclaim his humanity, or at least take the first step towards that, even knowing it will probably cost him the love of the only person who cares about him.

And what happens as a result?  More violence.  Buildings explode, Lee abandons him, Arthur gets stabbed, the end.

Violence creates violence, and nonviolence also creates violence. Apparently.

In the end it just felt like the movie was delighting in its own sadism toward a character who'd already suffered tremendously, and not for any real purpose. I don't know what happened behind the scenes here. Artistically, I can still respect the chances this movie took. But I also fully understand the anger and frustration with it.

[silkflovvers-art]

Hi! I hope you’re doing well. May I ask how you would describe Arknights’ game and story?

Hi hi! I'll do my best but I've unfortunately got Covid (again ;;) so my brain is made of under-cooked scrambled eggs. This is also my art blog, so I don't normally answer these kinds of asks here, but honestly.. I haven't posted here in forever so it's probably fiiiiiine. Probably.

I want to preface by saying I'm incredibly behind on the main story, so I'm not the best person to ask for a summary about it. I can however offer a pretty good explanation that keeps heavy spoilers out of it because I'm so behind, though!

Throwing all of the explanation under a read more-

Arknights Gameplay:

Long time players, ignore how insane so many of my stats and all that are, I haven't had the braincells to play due to covid and traveling almost an entire month prior to getting it. This year has been.. really bad.

Arknights, at its core, is a mobile game that focuses on strategy and tower defense. You strategically place characters (referred to as Operators) down on a top-down, tile style map, keeping their unique classes, skills and talents in mind to protect your base or whatever counts as your "tower" for the specific stage/storyline.

You gain new Operators through a gacha/lottery system called Headhunting, or through a tag system called Recruitment.

Headhunting offers you a chance at the Rate Up high rarity Operators as well as a pool of lower rarity characters. The pool varies by banner. Older Operators have actually been moved to a separate Headhunting system called Kernel Headhunting to give newer players a better chance at obtaining the older Operators from a smaller pool of options. It also occasionally gives players the option to choose which Operators are on Rate Up. Recruitment allows players to narrow down what Operators they can get by selecting up to three tags that are randomly generated for each recruitment. Increasing the Recruitment time helps increase the likelihood of an Operator with the chosen tags being Recruited, but not always. The pool of possible operators a player can receive through recruitment is much smaller than that of the regular or Kernel Headhunting.

You can also get characters for free through events, main story chapters and from purchasing them from the shop using currency you naturally build up by completing daily missions and stages.

I actually consider Arknights to be one of the most F2P friendly live service gacha games I have ever encountered (This is coming from someone with luck so bad their life has been described as an unfortunate Looney Tunes skit by multiple completely unrelated people). In-game currency is also easy to obtain even if you don't have the high rarity "meta" Operators. This is not a game that requires the high rarity characters to play and enjoy. If it was, I wouldn't still be playing after 4 years. I've had to purchase almost all the "meta" characters from the shop just to have the chance at even getting them because they refuse to come home through the gacha system....

The Operator classes include: - Vanguard - Guard - Specialist - Defender - Sniper - Caster - Supporter - Medic

Most of these are pretty self explanatory, but the Arknights Terra Wiki explains them all in really organized simple terms and has clear descriptions of the subclasses!

Unlike another popular gacha game currently out there on the market, Arknights does not forever lock limited events behind their original run duration. Every limited event gets a rerun (roughly taking place between 1-2 years after it's original runtime) and then is later archived and made available forever, whether the player completed it or not. It is also possible to collect materials from stages from the late stages of the main story even if you haven't unlocked them yet thanks to events rewards and shops. Because of this, it's incredibly friendly to new and old players alike.

Over the years it has expanded its game modes and content to include rogue-likes, multi-player modes, and most recently a game mode that requires base construction, exploration, and high level resource gathering and management. Each new limited event and game mode introduces new game mechanics and gimmicks that keep the game play refreshing and challenging.

The other game modes require you to get through the tutorial of the game, which is pretty long and dialogue heavy, but the story is worth it in my opinion and I don't think it should be skipped. I'll pass on explaining those for now since they're relatively easy to look up, but if you're interested in learning more about them, look up: Contingency Contract, Integrated Strategies, Stationary Security Service, Trials for Navigator, or Reclamation Algorithm. The Arknights Terra Wiki is also a good resource for explanations on these game modes.

There's also a base you can build within the main game mode to help passively collect currency and character building materials. It's one of the few ways you're able to interact with other players in the early game. You can decorate the dormitories with different furniture sets, which is pretty cute.

Also the UI is beautiful and I love it and it's easy to understand as long as you DO NOT skip tutorials. Don't do that. For the love of god, you need to pay attention to the tutorials for this game.

Arknights Story:

I'm gonna be so real, I think I used up all my brain power on the game play explanation, so this may sound lackluster ><

Basically:

You play as an amnesiac scientist known as Doctor. The story begins with a rescue operation to retrieve your comatose body from a medical containment unit called a Sarcophagus. It has kept your body stable as well as healed you after an event unknown to you left you gravely injured. The rescue team consisting of Operators once under your command as well as a little Cautus (rabbit) girl named Amiya, pulls you out of the Sarcophagus in the middle of a civil war in the town of Chernobog in the country known as Ursus (you can think of it as an alternative universe USSR populated by a race of bear people also called Ursus).

Amiya quickly fills you in that you are the head researcher of a pharmaceutical company called Rhodes Island that researches and treats an illness known as Oripathy. Oripathy is caused by exposure to a mysterious mineral known as Originium. This mineral is used to fuel most of the machines and magic that exists in this world.

In order to continue research on this terrible and little understand, yet wide spread disease, the Doctor must face rebels, high ranking officials, corrupt governments, ancient beings, gods, and aquatic hiveminds.

The story is much more complex than that, but saying much more spoils quite a bit, so I hate to say much more. I just know that if world building is something you're really interested in and seeing real world connections and inspirations in a story, Arknights is a rich well of that. Many of the characters are based on real life people, events, and mythology/folklore. There are complex governments systems, well thought out civilizations, and unexpected connections between characters and story lines. Despite it's large cast of playable characters, Arknights tries to give each one a meaningful connection to the story, even if it takes years to get to them. The NPCs are memorable and lovable and often become playable if they have an important place in the story or are well received by fans.

There are a lot of really good story summary videos on youtube, but of course now that I'm looking for them, I'm struggling to find them.

All the characters also have profiles with extra info and cutscenes that tie into the main story, side story, or just give insight to how they tie into the world of Arknights.

My only complaint I have with the story is that certain cultures that are often victim of misrepresentation in games do unfortunately suffer a similar fate in Arknights. Arknights has a large cast, and there IS better representation in the character line up than in other games I will not name, but they aren't perfect and can't really be overlooked when compared to the existing characters that do represent their cultural inspirations well. Sargon is the region impacted the most and despite many of my favorite characters originating from this region due to their story and personalities, it's good to take the designs and story with a grain of salt.

Conclusion:

Arknights isn't a game for everyone, even though I do believe the recent additions allow it to be given enough time and effort.

If you're interested in the story and characters but don't want to bother with playing the game, the Arknights Terra Wiki, the Arknights Story Reader (and it's connected github site), Cutscene recordings from the main story and events on Youtube shared by fans, and the Arknights Anime all offer a lot of great info on the story, lore, and characters. I don't think this is a game you actually HAVE to play to properly enjoy the story if you don't want to. There's just A LOT of stuff going on, so it's a lot to keep up with.

Hope all of that made sense, somehow.

[trutrustories]

STUDY IN LOKI ROMANCE

Part 5: Science/Fiction

Since we're only a few days away from the last episode, I decided to COUNT DOWN everything we´ve got so far ( that can be interpreted very easily as romantic ) and discuss what the actual fuck is going on with second season. Because even though I shipped lokius practically from S1E2, I absolutely did NOT expect this kind of development. (Not that I´m complaining)

Warning: This is gonna be LONG post, lots of screenshots, lots of SPOILERS, lot of "oh-my-god-they-so-cute" language, and little bit of meta.

I originally thought that this post would be everything at once, but since I have just too many screenshots this time around, I´ll have to split it. so every post will be one episode. Color coding means:

IIIIIIIIII = anything, that coud potentialy be just acting choice.

IIIIIIIIII = everything else (tzn.: whatever was written, and/or carefully prepared by filmmakers. )

side note: I already wrote, about how amazing it is, that Mobius is unable to fight but fights anyway and how beautifuly, and ridiculously brave he is HERE. But this is about Loki/Mobius interactions, so I´ll try my best not to talk about THAT. (Even when I´m really happy, that s2 continues with this formula and Mobius is still his completely defenseless while aggressively brave self. I love him, btw.)

EPISODE 1 HERE

EPISODE 2 HERE

EPISODE 3 HERE

EPISODE 4 HERE

38) Loki looking for Mobius in PIE ROOM Hey... this is starting to be suspicious. is this room actual Heart of the TVA, that we didn´t know about ??? Why does everyone accidentally end up here???

39) Loki Time slipping to the theater room (where he had his first long, table converstation with Mobius.)

I´m gonna cry 😭

40) Mobius/Don casually informing Loki, he´s a SINGLE dad and telling him his entire work schedule (not that it´s important for anything, but Mobius is sooo damn handsome in that blue west!!! ) Also Loki staring at him through the window ?! And then being so distracted by him, that it took him interestigly long time, before he realized / accepted that Mobius doesn´t remember him (AGAIN). And he should have know this right away, because he already talked to Casey/Frank.

41) Loki time slipping to Mobius again (right when he started to be hopefull and Happy, that O. B. will be able to help him.

42) Loki glow up - or Loki fixing himself up, to look sexy not threatening fo Mobius/Don. I mean... this is just straight out of romantic movie, I´m sorry. Interesting acting choice there🤣

43) Loki being very nervous while talking to Mobius/Don.

Mobius: "You live around here, or did you follow me home? 😉" Loki: "Oh... no... hahahaha 😅 ... No no. I was... 😳I was actually on my way to the 👉👆👇☝️uh. And... 😨 And I happend to see you, so I... I... I 🫣 just thought I´d just come and say that I´m sorry that I... I... 🥵couldn´t... stick around back there. I was... um... 🤯 I was in a bit of a time crunch. 😅😅😅"

Said God of Mischief.

I´m sorry, but he´s acting here like stuttering schoolgirl with a crush. What exactly are you trying to accomplish, Tom ??? Anyway... I love it xD

44) Mobius dropping everything and forgeting about his two mischievous sons so he can give Loki full attention

45) Wanna buy my wife´s jetski? - oh by the way, she´s long gone, and worst thing about it is the fact, that one of these beauties doesn´t have a rider.

would you wanna ride it with me? let´s jump up on these bad boys

46) "A beautiful union of form and function"

The fact, that Loki remembers that line from S01E02 and that he echoes it back at Mobius, who doesn´t remember him... Like... WHAT? This thing is romantic as fuck. also finaly someone, who will gladly listen to Mobius braindumping about jetskis!!!! YES PLEASE. He deserves it! 💚 they litteraly made for each other!

47) Loki gently helping Mobius/Don through the time door. - while O. B. is struggling with heavy prototype of tempad...

48) "You saved my life, when I first arrived. You saw something in me, that I hadn´t seen in myself."

Can you believe he said that??? Because I don´t. I´m still processing 😭 Also, see? He IS his friend... but O. B. is not. He WILL be (eccept O. B. knows Mobius much longer xDD ) I´m ok 49) "I want my friends back. I don´t want to be alone."

This scene is honestly so tragic. Sylvie helps him realize his true motivations and he looks so desprete. TVA: place, that he should hate is home now. Where he belong. And that´s why he cared so much and tried so hard to save that place. And thing he wants the most are his friends. Their company. (And if it wasn´t obvious, it means primarily Mobius. The man, he called friend several times this season) It´s him, who Loki doesn´t want to lose in the first place.

Loki looks so fucking sad here! I can´t! 50) "It was more about what I wanted."

Not only he says it while we are watching Mobius, but let´s take in the fact, that he says it at all! Like... come on!!! Can´t he be just happy? As soon as he starts thinking that his actions are selfish, Loki will actualy choose what he thinks is better for Mobius and tries to let him go...

The character development in this show is just unbelievable

And finaly: 51) "It´s not about where, when or why. It´s about WHO."

... said Loki, after very, very, VERY long look at Mobius. --------------- Anyway. That´s the check-list. In total, I counted 51 Lokius moment, but if anyone caught something I didn´t, feel free to correct me! the more, the better! 😁 It´s a hella lot of Lokius content. especially since I didn´t expected, like... not even third of it. So yeah. Last part will be kind of a conclusion. I will try to look at possibilities, what could all this mean. What could be the actual intent of writers and filmakers etc. And, simply put it, asking: WHAT THE FUCK 😳