#HE'S SO MAD ABOUT THIS

[ekleipsi]

" hey, babe. ready to see you child? " he called from the other room, leaving the avian alone with his imagination as to just what that meant. only a few seconds, however, before the canine brought over the horrific invention ( if it could even be called that ) that still haunted their lives, their house— and what was a few more cuts on his hands? with a completely straight face, he set the box with a flailing tentacle knife onto the floor in front of the other, looking up at him expectantly.

--- Naoto had seen the video online- a challenge, to try and make your partner's laugh while they had water in their mouths. If they spilled or spewed it, they lost; if they remained straight faced after a minute? They won. He'd insisted that both Rashida and Ignis play with him, and while wife was an easy egg to crack, husband was so much more difficult. Such that he'd resorted to embarrassing methods to try and draw a simple reaction from the hound.

--- To that end, his own reactions were tame. Ignis had never been particularly funny- at least, not when put on the spot like this (his humor was often spontaneous and unintentional) and Rashida had only been able to rely on his weakness for boobs to acquire victory. Still. He remained mostly undefeated in this round, effort falling upon indifferent expression as he lofted a brow.

--- Only when the hound stepped away for a moment and called out to his preparedness in seeing his child, did Naoto blink his surprise. Unable to answer thanks to the water in his mouth, he could only purse his lips- he certainly didn't have any children, and Ignis hated all his contraptions and inventions so just what...was the....gaze narrowed upon the box.

--- It still hadn't stopped flailing, the batteries still going on the tentacle shaped dildo that Naoto had once upon a time affixed to the top of a box (and a battery). He'd carefully attached a knife to the end of it and then set it loose in their home, promptly sending his husband a video of as much while he'd been at work. Truly, avian's reaction then was absolutely pure, likely the most honest and true laugh he'd ever had in his entire life...and so see it once again, set before him by husband, no less?

--- ...well, he immediately choked on the water in his mouth, bursting into laughter so raucous and pure that he doubled over and spit it out, clutching his stomach. Eyes crinkled and melodic sounds spilled out, pitched and amused, features flushed with the joy and elation he was experiencing such that tears nearly gathered in his eyes. Cackles of delight were given, and while wife looked on horrified and confused, his husband knew of his enjoyment.

--- ' You--!! You win! You win, you win! This round is yours, heathen! ' he finally heaved, attempting to catch his breath and dashing the tears of laughter from his eyes, straightening back and trying to not giggle any further each time he looked at the perpetually moving piece. ' Baha....ahahaha! It's still going, how did you even pick it up!? ' he asked, grinning widely.

[daftmooncretin]

spock’s room decor is actually fucking bonkers. The weapons??? the big red velvet curtain??? like ok phantom of the opera go crazy.

for reference jim’s room has some photos and a plant so we can surmise this is uniquely a spock being a dramatic weirdo thing

[chloesimaginationthings]

You know Henry’s final speech went hard in FNAF

[xiaq]

So my bike was stolen from our garage last night. My beloved, custom, carbon fiber, most-expensive-thing-I-own-aside-from-my-car bike. I just found it listed on FB marketplace. Shit is about to go down.

[kitskiis]

He keeps doing this I’m gonna cry

[maeamian]

If you saw me agreeing with being annoyed about wasted helium in a fictional context and were like "I bet she has some more helium based anger in her life" good news LAPD fucked up a raid on a medical facility they thought was a pot farm and flat out ruined thousands of gallons of the stuff.

[inkskinned]

okay is she being actually immature or is it just a woman over 30 expressing a human experience you find to be immature.

like yeah. at certain ages... let shit go. im not defending the real immature shit. im not defending the karen you're picturing. i worked in retail i hate those people too. (once somebody got mad at me because she didn't like how our winter window decor was a snowman smoking a pipe. i wish i was joking).

but men at 57 will write books about how 17 year old girls are soooo sexy. they will invent worlds where women have to be naked for "armor reasons." they will write songs that treat women as objects. people rush to defend them. meanwhile a woman at 35 will be like "heartbreak is hard, actually" or "i feel betrayed by a friend" or "i am struggling with something emotionally." immediately people will say stuff like this woman is 35 by the way. by the way this woman is SO OLD to be experiencing this. BY THE WAY.

im 31, almost 32. the other day a poet was blasted online because at her "big age", she had written a poem about feeling unloved. top comment was "this woman is 29 by the way." this woman is too old to still be useful, by the way. she has to behave better . maybe if she was a good wife and mother she could stop existing loudly, and the story could continue on without her. this woman has served her purpose, by the way. she's so cringe, by the way. at 29 - so old! - she still hasn't figured out that her existence should be one of shame.

[charmac]

This is genuinely so endearing like they really sat him down in a kindergarten class and taught him to read...and picked out the book based on his special interest ... <3

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

the high guards littlest fan

[gingermintpepper]

I think, perhaps one of the funniest things to come from EPIC popularising the Odyssey is that now a ton of people think Poseidon wanted to kill Odysseus.

In the Odyssey, Poseidon has no intention of killing Odysseus. In fact, part of the whole reason Zeus lets Poseidon do whatever he wants even though he thinks Odysseus is rad and should get to kiss his wife is explicitly because Poseidon had no intentions of killing Odysseus. Poseidon wanted to pay back the suffering/inconvenience blinding Polyphemus would have caused. It's a really abstract thing tbh. How do you pay back someone permanently disabling your son? Poseidon's solution was just to amputate Odysseus from his other half; i.e. Penelope. The end game was never murder, it was always an endurance race.

(Od. Book 1: Zeus reassuring Athena that he is not, in fact, a part of Odysseus Hater-Nation. Trans. Robert Fagles)

Also, for those wondering if there's any sort of in text reason for why Poseidon wasn't around in God Games - at the time in the Odyssey when Athena petitions Zeus to let Odysseus leave Calypso's island, Poseidon was -checks notes- on vacation in Ethiopia. Yep. He left to Ethiopia for a festival and thusly was very much absent for Athena's whole "please let Ody go? Please? 🥺" request.

(Od. Book 1: While Odysseus was suffering, Poseidon went to party in the east)

I am begging y'all to read the Odyssey. It's a comedy for everyone except Odysseus and Penelope who are, in fact, suffering 24/7 365.

[lazylittledragon]

what if i broke all the bones in your legs actually

[somewhereincairparavel]

i will never understand how people have the heart to hate Jason even after they found out that his Ambrosia tastes like fucking sawdust. Ambrosia being tasty is like one single happy thing a demigod can have despite their tragic lives, because it reminds them of the home they once had, but lost. And Jason doesn't even have that, he doesn't even have a home to lose in the first place.

[anna-scribbles]

last one i promise(<��lie)

[abd-illustrates]

🧡 Lance 🧡

I’ve been bitten by the “I need to draw my OCs or I’ll explode” bug once again 😔🙏 It’s been too long since I’ve drawn Lance - but I have a much clearer idea of who he is and what he’s about nowadays, so I tried to put plenty of attitude into this one! ⚔️🐉

[DO NOT EDIT OR REPOST TO OTHER SITES / ACCOUNTS] ♻️reblogs are lovely tho!♻️

[swugflower]

Brucie Wayne gets interviewed and the question who, expect Batman, is his favorite Gotham hero.

After some awkward moments of silence, he blurts out that it’s Spoiler. Since she is the only one from the main active team that isn’t his kid and this way he avoids picking a favorite.

Meanwhile, the group chats explodes into chaos instantly.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

(Accidentally mis-clicked enter on my last ask. Here's the full "ask")

What he says...

VS What I read...

("us" as in him and WWX, not the spider just to be clear)

They should make an adaptation called 'The Unfiltered', where Lan Wangji says exactly what's on his mind.