#HE IS INSANE WHAT THE FUCK

[starvir]

Fiance making an O shape with his hands and thrusting into it

Me: Jorking time???

Her: This is a fleshlight that I carry in my heart 🫶

Me: What

[chrollogy]

i’m so sorry i had the urge to annotate like i do with physical books so here’s every unsolicited thought i had while reading the written part 😭 (if one can even read my writing [please don’t, they’re useless thoughts])

THE MANEATER CHAPTER ONE: club classics

masterlist

divider credits to roseraris

For fifteen minutes every night, she gets to take off her headphones, sneak out the staff-only exit, and smoke a cigarette on a cracked-up old milk crate. And even though she can still hear her pre-determined, carefully crafted playlist taking over for her pulsing through the brick walls, it's the only moment of quiet she has all night.

So it makes sense that new bouncer showed up to ruin it.

She groans at the sight of him, dramatically, exaggerated. She rolls her head back and kicking her feet. "Oh my god," she whines, "why are you here? Go somewhere else."

He doesn't validate this little outburst of hers. He just leans against the brick wall opposite to her, and blocks the breeze from blowing out his lighter with a cupped hand until the end of his cigarette is cherry red. She watches him with a lip furled in distaste as he straightens out. "Easiest place to get away from a bunch of drunk people for fifteen minutes, so you're just gonna have to put up with me," he tells her, smoke billowing from his mouth as he speaks.

"Well, you're fucked because there's a bachelorette party in there that keeps buying my green tea shots," she says, voice laced with faux sympathy. "So I'm trashed."

He scoffs. Iwaizumi. That's his name. She recalls it in the instance he flicks off ash with the tip of his thumb. She thinks he's pretty, and immediately after that she thinks she'd rather cut off her own tongue than admit that. "You're a fucking peach, you know that right?"

"Truly one of the sweetest out there. So are you going to apologize to me now?"

Iwaizumi flinches. "Apologize for what? Doing my job?"

She gives him a forced smile. "Well if you were doing your job, you'd probably know better than to stop and interrogate one of your new coworkers."

"Okay," Iwaizumi concedes, giving a forceful nod of his head. "You're right. I'm sorry I didn't realize that you're an egomaniac who thinks everyone should know who she is because she hits shuffle on Spotify for a living."

"Oh so that's your bit?" she bites back. "That's like your thing? You think you're better and cooler than everyone around you because you think things like club music are beneath you? Because what? You listen to like Kings of Leon or something?"

Iwaizumi scoffs. "I'm a big Kendrick Lamar fan, actually."

She rolls her eyes, and puts her cigarette out on the pavement beneath her. Her fifteen-minute smoke break has been ruined. "Predictable," she grumbles, standing to her feet. "I gotta get back to my job before Spotify decides to put Smart Shuffle on. I hope a drunk person pukes on you."

extras!

noya is also a bartender at the maneater! there are others who might pop up from time to time

sakusa established a rotating schedule on who's job it is to go do a coffee run since none of them ever wanted to go and get coffee on sunday mornings

yn does not always drink during her sets but sometimes when club goers buy her drinks she indulges

if kiyoko makes them she waters them down

yn drew iwa on the back of her receipt from the coffee shop

iwa was just like "wait who's akaashi"

their hatred for one another was immediate and it's like they've been hating each other their whole lives <3

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[redpapercraness]

to lose you

[madscientistenthusiast]

Personally I think that Azula should have been redeemed simply so that she can become Zuko's horrible little advisor who whispers evil little plans to him so that he can do the exact opposite

[backpackingspace]

okay so post epic odyssey where odysseus and Penelope have surfaced from their room finally and he and diomedes are catching up I'm imagining the conversation going something like this

Odysseus: so then I gave up being merciful and became the monster.

Diomedes:....you tried being merciful?

Odysseus: Yes?

Diomedes: you did? You tried being a good merciful person? You?

Odysseus: Yah okay fuck off it was polties dying wish. I had to try.

Diomedes:.....90% of the war crimes in the Trojan war were suggested, planned out, and carried out by you. We literally stoned to death the guy you had a personal grudge against. We framed him for treason and stoned him to death. 70% of why Athena liked you was because she thought she knew all the ways to kill someone and then you'd suggest something insane and I'd see her taking notes. You literally gave Ajex a psyoctic break just being yourself.

Odysseus: shut up

Diomedes: I'm not wrong. Did you tell Penelope about your attempt to be a good person?

Odysseus: What? Of course I did. I told her everything.

Diomedes: did she laugh?

Odysseus:...shut up that's not the point

Diomedes: she did didn't she!!!

Odysseus: ANYWAY eurylochus wasn't appreciative of my return to monsterhood and he started causing problems so I

Diomedes: killed him? Yah saw that coming. No shit. I'm so shocked.

[lotus-pear]

charm stat at debonair ‼️‼️

[dasketcherz]

ONE OF THE DIRECTORS OF TTS SHIPPING JAYVIK?? YKNOW, THE SOULMATE LAB PARTNERS FROM ARCANE???

oh sir Tom Caulfield.... you would've loved varigo...

and that makes me wanna scream AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA /VPOS

[ladykyriaa]

HE IS SO WHIPPED OH MY GOD LOOK AT HIS BLUSH

[vaguely-concerned]

the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh

[lucabyte]

i feel like people are sleeping on the occam's razor situation of how buckwild it is to outright accuse a guy of being a clone of your friend even if you DO have a lot of circumstantial evidence. there's other options is what im saying. they could just be like. a guy. that's a sensible deduction. you should explore that deduction. ignore my shirt that reads I <3 RED HERRINGS.

i still think odile has the correct theory on lock but she's smart enough to know it needs like... a real smoking gun to be able to bring it up without sounding insane.

anyway. (mirabelle voice) i know its rude to speculate but has anyone else noticed the grieving? they seem to be grieving. does anyone have any thoughts on the grieving? i have some thoughts on the grieving.

[iwasbored777]

WAIT SO YOU'RE TRYING TO TELL ME THAT STONE SAVED ROBOTNIK'S LIFE AFTER SONIC 2 AND TOOK CARE OF HIM AND ROBOTNIK FIRED HIM ANYWAY IN SONIC 3 BECAUSE HE DOESN'T TRUST HIM AFTER ALL THAT AND ROBOTNIK SURVIVED ALL THOSE INJURIES AND BROKEN BONES AND IT TOOK HIM SO LONG TO HEAL PHYSICALLY AND HE ALMOST HEALED EMOTIONALLY TOO ONLY FOR HIM TO BE BETRAYED BY HIS OWN FAMILY MEMBER AND STONE HAD TO WATCH HIM DIE AFTER ALL THE EFFORT HE PUT INTO TRYING TO SAVE HIM WHAT'S WRONG WITH THESE WRITERS WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL IS WRONG WITH THEM

[canonically47]

like ok heres the thing. inho infiltrated the games to earn gihuns trust and then break him and get him on his side right. ok. but he didnt have to do everything he did.

like, he didnt have to defend him so threateningly against player 100 (arguably... possessively... like bro he aint going NOWHERE calm your ass DOWN!!!) or like, he didnt have to call him 'gihun', he couldve, SHOULD HAVE, called him 'hyung', but he calls him fucking??? gi-hun-shi?????? INSANE BEHAVIOUR.

he didn't HAVE to smile at him then, so bright-eyed. he didn't have to share his tragic backstory. he didn't even have to fucking help him with the revolution, he didn't have to shoot his guards he could've pretended to be a terrible shot. he could've betrayed him anytime and yet chose to maintain his mystery until he got away from gi-hun and FAKED HIS DEATH. like what possibly could he gain from this?? gi-hun must find out who he is sooner or later, who cares if it's sooner??

HE CARES. HE. CARES. whether you view them romantically or not, in-ho CARES. there's a piece of him that plays into this entire inner conflict that makes him CARE. FOR GI-HUN. HE CARES FOR GI-HUN even to SOME degree. and that is INSANE to me.

[the-mpreg-guy]

the hill that i will die on is that cas would have never said he loved dean if he had to deal with the consequences of it afterwards, meanwhile dean (who was SUPPOSED to tell cas he loved him in the original crypt scene script) would have eventually worked up to saying it without external pressure

[swiggity-swexual-i-am-asexual]

As per usual, it’s DP crossover with (probably) DC, although you could probably adjust it for other fandoms

ANYWAYS

A little kid and his mother are trick or treating in another city, perhaps at some kind of event rather than knocking on doors, and the kid is dressed as Phantom. It’s very adorable, with his little ghost-shaped bucket and clearly homemade and already stained costume—listen, white only works if you can just fly over street grime or phase it out of your clothes—and his slightly I’ll fitting wig. The kid is SO happy to be out and about dressed as his favorite, and maybe even showed it off to Phantom back in Amity Park before his family left.

The hero, insert whoever you wish here, is probably in civvies and just enjoying the event. The kid, meanwhile, is so glad when people ask who he is so he can explain, and so- the hero gets to hear ALL ABOUT the local town hero who is probably pretty small time despite the kid’s clearly exaggerated stories. The hero certainly never heard of him, but the kid’s mom confirms that Phantom really was the town hero, despite some mixed reviews of the poor guy.

“Did you manage to show him your costume?” the hero asks.

“Yeah! We went down to the cemetery to leave flowers and I got to show him my costume.”

Wait. Cemetery? Maybe it was part of theme, because Phantom had to be named that for a reason, but… it sounded like…

The kid ignores the suddenly VERY still hero and instead turns to his mom. “Momma, do you think we should bring him candy? He doesn’t get to trick or treat like we do, and I can work super hard to get him a bunch!”

The kid’s mom just smiles. “We could, but maybe we should bring him something homemade. I bet he’d like something more filling, teen boys like him have a hollow leg.”

The kid wrinkles his nose. “Like Vernie with the pizza bagels?”

“Like your cousin, yes. We can make some cinnamon rolls and take them to his memorial, maybe bring some of the apples from your grandpa’s garden…”

The hero is pretty much forgotten as the two-part family wanders off, not quite intentionally forgetting the hero is there so much as the hero somewhat accidentally ended the conversation when they just froze and didn’t ask anything further.

Not that the hero didn’t want to. But they’d learn something very serious.

One—there was a small town hero they’d never heard of. Two—that hero was apparently a teen. Third—most pressingly, the teen hero was both beloved enough to have kids dressing up as him and dead enough to have a grave.

This… might require some phone calls.

[tizzymcwizzy]

hey so ignore the fact that this is what got me out of a month long hiatus

[hiding-under-the-willow]

anyways. What