#HE IS FUCKING HURTING.
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YâALL WEâRE WRONG. YâALL WE ARE DEAD WRONG.
WE ARE SO FUCKING WRONG YâALL 33:01 BLOODMOON IS SNIFFLING AND GROWLING AND HOLDING BACK HIS CRYING I CAN FUCKING HEAR IT.
I was right- me and anyone who thought he was just holding it back is right- HE IS LITERALLY FORCING BACK HIS REACTION. ITS FUCKING AUDIBLE.
THIS MAKES THE GODDAMN FEAR OF BLOODY BREAKING DOWN ON THE PODCAST (If Monty drags him there) BECAUSE PUPPET AND MONTY SPAM-REPLAY HARVESTâS DEATH SO MUCH MORE LIKELY TO HAPPEN.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
(They still acted really out of character with the whole not caring if the other was blown up- Iâm not disregarding that)
I AM NOT FUCKING OKA-đĽ
(Tagging two people I talked about the twinsâ lack of care for each other (hopefully itâs okay! Sorry if not!)
@madcatdaderpydrawer-blog @lover-of-cuteness
#BloodMoon Tsams#Sun and Moon show#Monty and Foxy show#MGAFâs#SAMs#tsams#Sun and Moon show spoilers#Monty and Foxy show spoilers#I AM LOSING MY FUCKING MIND.#I JUST WAS WATCHING PEOPLES VIDEOS ON THE SUBJECT AND SOMEONE POINTED OUT IN THE COMMENTS OF ONE OF THE VIDEOS#THAT WHEN FOXY ASKS;#âWhatâs it like knowing your brother died to a kid?â#THAT BLOODY IS LITERALLY HOLDING BACK HIS REACTION AND SNIFFLING.#I THOUGHT HE JUST FUCKING TURNS AWAY.#NO#HE IS FUCKING HURTING.#AND BITCH#SO THE FUCK AM I.
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is âwhat the fuck i accidentally supported a rapistâ not#âbut my showwwâ. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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"NO, I WANT TO KILL HIM!"
#this. absolutely jawdropping#brian tyree henry was already in my opinion leagues above the rest of most of the voice cast#but this cemented it. fucking listen to him#this was a moment that really just made me go ''there he is''#this is the first time we actually see *rage* from D-16 and it hits like a BRICK#who he is is still bleeding through the edges of the anger but he's so hurt and there's this *painful* sincerity to his voice#I personally think he should be allowed to kill whoever he wants. baby boy. baby#good movie. good fucking movie#tf#tf one#transformers#transformers one#maccadam#orion pax#d-16#d16#optimus prime#megatron
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Jason âmy family doesnât know im aliveâ Todd and Danny âmy family doesnât know Iâm deadâ Fenton going alongside each of their plans my beloved. like Danny will absolutely go head-to-head with all of Gotham to support his new best friend on all his crime lord endeavors while he drags Jason to also attend collage with him. They are roommates and there never seems to a mention of family from either side. Itâs an unspoken understanding they have. They met because Crime alley as a ghost lair thrummed with so much loneliness, it was at first the perfect place for Danny to hide his ecto signature in. But then he saw the dumbass whose lair it was lean his motorcycle just a tad too much when making a sharp turn to an alley, he sweeped the floor through a lifted chain link that passed his body but not his helmet. Yep thatâs right the red thing got stuck. Danny who at the moment happened to be watching through his window snorted. Much to his horror because if not a ghost that dude couldâve gotten his head flung off.
Still, the scene was ridiculous.
On a whim he irrationally sees the police closing in on the guy and panicked at the thought of the guy using intangibility to free himself so Danny phased them both through his apartment wall and left the guy sprawled in his couch. Jason didnât freak out but thatâs normal when oneâs got a concussion, one the guy immediately denied having as Danny laid out the medical supplies. The idiot proceeded to almost flatten four steps to the door with his stubbornness. He also said âIâm asexualâ in the most deadpan voice as Danny dropped him back in the couch.
Danny sighed. Clearly though, heâd done so too early in the night because the guy kept trying to go, kept trying to knock Danny out, kept trying to slash him with knifes Danny didnât know he had stashed. Heâd only disarmed the guy from his guns. The visible ones apparently, cause at one point the guy did take out a gun and shoot until the ammo ran out and then teetered the thing like it was an art prop and hit his moon lamp.
Danny "yeah you arenât officially my friend until youâve tried to kill me" fenton my guys.
Anyways both keep having the same argument over if Danny technically kidnapped Jason or not. Danny holds the fact that the police at least didnât see the guy make the ridicule. Jason argued that happened cause he was sporting a concussion. Danny argued he got that after.
Jason at first thinks the guy's a meta, but no. Danny introduces himself, sheepily now that he recognizes this is who the lair he invaded is from. He bandages him and tries to cook for him. If Danny didnât have ice powers he most certainly wouldâve burned the apartment. Jason then proceeds to kick him out of his own kitchen and make them both enchiladas. Itâs the most normal both had in a while with another person and the air seems oddly settled. From then on, Jason constantly invited himself over, under the pretense that this was his territory and therefore he could drop in unannounced. Danny who has actual powers says he only allows this because Jason cooks very well.
Danny stays away from the crime fighting business unless his buddy is in deep shit he canât get himself out. Also itâs Dannyâs turn to cover for his vigilante friend which Sam and Tucker give him so much shit for. (but also advice)
And they were roommates. (omg) Danny effectively derails Jasonâs big comeback plans by casually dropping ghost lore every two days. Like,
Jason, talking about how he doesnât want Bats snooping on his territory:
Danny: Just donât let them in
Jason: ??
Danny: yeah!! Hasnât Batman died and got revived??? You can totally kick out death touched people you donât want entering on your lair.
Jason: âŚI can?
Danny: Yep dude, your lairâs supposed to feel safe.
Jason: wait does that mean I can kick you out?
Danny: First this is my apartment. Second, im dead, not dead touched. Third, itâs too late to get rid of me. bitch.
Anyways Jason is super excited. You mean to tell him he can actually deny people over to his territory haunt?? (Yes itâs only to people who have died and came back but still!! The sample size is exactly the type of people he doesnât want to seeâ!)
Joker my beloathed canât step foot in Crime Alley.
(Jasonâd feel a lot safer if the clown was dead but the possibility of his murderer turning into a ghost and their little loophole not applying on the clown is too scary to contemplate.)
Anyways, Jason loves experimenting with the power. It can go from simply making people shudder and not want to enter crime Alley to straight up not letting them enter like thereâs an invisible wall blocking the way.
Jason because heâs hurt that Bruce never even patrols Crime Alley and also because heâs petty put B under the category of âinvisible wallâ blacklist. His reasoning is that the man doesnât even attempt to enter Crime Alley. To him itâs surely just a place shadowed in tragedy. (anyways thatâs itâs the place he met Jason)
Ironically, Jason totally forgets that Batman does venture into Crime Alley one day in the whole year. The day he met Jason.
Okay. He didnât forget at first. The first year Jason remembers cause it was only a few months till then but then the nextâ Jason forgets that todayâs the anniversary of the dayâs Bruceâs parents died. He forgets to allow B in when he feels a slight tug and dismiss the feeling that prompts Bruce to investigate because he literally canât enter Crime Alley. He starts the trialsTM, he scouts on the very edge and sees people the whole day enter and get out and cross with no problem but Bruce canât.
Itâs literally just Bruce.
Time to call Constantine, i guess.
#bat shenanigans ensue#JSJSJS okay so i dont have a well versed timeline of events but two years after utrh who HASNT died of the batfam#cause those are the ones who are gonna go undercover to find what shady shit is this: )#im going with timmy cass and duke#sorry steph i KNOW you have died#the others have plausible deniability from my part#the trio is gonna come down hard on this unsuspecting pair#let's just say constantine just had one spare magical rune for each of them so they'll be able to identify who was powerful enough to do it#and duke found civvie jason. cass found civvie danny and tim also found jason a la squared. in his red hood get up later that night#the only useful photos are from tim's side but anyways since they got three suspects (one suspected to be the other. so really-- two)#they decide to split each other up and tag one each (whoever doesn't get the correct guy loses)#tim calls dibs on the twink. cass rolls her eyes and narrows her eyes at the red hood and duke smirks when he gets to keep his guy#he's not cheating if he didn't protest to getting to have the guy he already saw the aura of. he's sure he is IT#coincidentally duke happens to be the only bat jason doesn't recognize (and vice versa)#meanwhile cass is gonna be the one shadowing red hood which at this point he doesn't kill that much since he has his rules verymuch enforce#he does kill tho#so at some point they're gonna clash but at the start of the investigation no#let them be siblings your honor#big sis cass and her little brother 6'4 jay#and tim finally is gonna be the one to smoothly get himself in the conversation with cryptid roommate civilian danny fenton#genius dumbasses protection club#their first meeting is of course arranged but no less meet cute coffee shop au#anyways jason wants to know why the fuck hes got a bat tagging along with him so out of the blue and also why can't he fucking chase her of#cass is curious about how the red hood's mood constantly changes within her range yet he never attacks her despite his hurt-longing-anger#the boy who doesn't make noise fucking screeches when she sneaks up to him#and duke fucking brings his hands to block the chernobyl reject glow stick sun that's stands next to tim#while tim looks like his whole system is rebooting cause that's jason todd#dp x dc#danny phantom#jason todd
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The Last of Us | 2023
#the last of us#tlouedit#joel miller#pedro pascal#ppascaledit#thelastofusedit#the last of us hbo#pedropascaledit#tlouhboedit#tvedit#dailyflicks#cinematv#userconstance#usermal#userhella#userrobin#underbetelgeuse#usermali#userairam#byyolanda#he's would (and has) sacrifice the whole fucking world for her#he loves her so much it's gonna HURT when s2 drops#maybe selfcare is not watching it lmao who am i kidding
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Mobei-Jun getting abandoned in the human realm by his favourite uncle and being left alone and terrified?? baby???? gonna lie awake thinking about him and Shang Qinghua meeting as children
#svsss#shang qinghua#mobei jun#moshang#sqh#mbj#that is a DELIGHTFUL twist on their canon dynamic#where sqh is justifiably scared of mbj because he's a powerful demon who could squish him like a bug#instead here we have lil mbj who's terrified of all these humans and is alone and helpless and in danger#like he was left there to die! and his father just happened to notice he was missing after ten days!#like fortunately he wasn't hurt just dirty and scared but no wonder this guy has trust issues!#any fic recs about young mbj in the human realm - or de-age fics with him being scared around humans - i would deeply appreciate#because i want to chew on this entire concept a bit#(i'm never gonna finish this book i swear every three pages i have to stop and digest a random bit of trivia mxtx throws out and then!#doesn't! fucking! expand on!!! you can't just drop this on me and expect me to be okay with it i need to lie here and think about this!)#my art
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Wow Dale... There were miscalculations? And who made those miscalculations HMMMM???
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#fop#fairly oddparents#fop a new wish#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop nature au#dev dimmadome#dale dimmadome#fop dev#fop dale#art#digital art#fanart#comic#I am so addicted to making Dale squirm with the discomfort of his actions and then refuse to change or grow at all#The passive ass way he describes how Dev got hurt#No ''''I messed up'''' No direct apology just âMistakes were madeâ YEAH AND WHO MADE THOSE MISTAKES DALE#âthis is a correctionâ god on some level he is learning from his mistake. Trying to make it right but he is allergic to actually apologizin#And Dev will never get that closure he needs because he just CANT find it in himself to say SORRY#Dev finally snapping too... ough.#Years and years of accepting the most basic bare bones acknowledgment from Dale and he is Not having it anymore#God I hope the final page fucking kills you guys
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#my art#digital art#bg3#bg3 fanart#my ocs#bg3 durge#comics#Cae#heâs not dumb he just has a lot of fuck around and find out tendencies#Astarion come get your boy before he hurts himself
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SUPERSTORE ⢠S6E15 âł âAll Sales Finalâ
#i will never get over all the hurt jonah took for amy like... he was in this relationship alone for years#i mean they deserved their happy ending and i love them both but amy really held out on it for fucking ever ugh#simmosa#superstore#amy sosa#jonah simms#ss 6x15#tvedit#tvgifs#sitcomgifs#sitcomedit#superstoregifs#superstoreedit#othergifs#my gif
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on the one hand I think inner demons could stand to have a bit more romanced rook specific content, but on the other hand the underlying in-built implication that 'yours is the one true voice of comfort and safety in my inner world' is a sentiment and intimacy so way beyond the romantic or the platonic or any secret third thing you could care to name that it makes me lose my entire poor little mind a bit. it's so big and fundamental â near-existential â that in that exact moment at least the distinctions kind of seem irrelevant.
all the people lucanis' mind conjures up along the way are relationships he has that are unavoidably mixed and fraught in some ways even when they're also full of love (they are fraught BECAUSE they're full of love) â the good in them inseparable from things that hurt him at the same time. (it's about: the basic disorganized attachment patterns this poor guy is dragging around with him. careful with those, they're dellamorte heirlooms. what you love also inevitably hurts you and you won't be allowed to have one without the other, you have to surrender parts of your soul to hold on to what little you have left: this is the story up until now.) and the idea that rook isn't that to him â that beneath the fear of wanting them when romanced (which is more its own separate thing because within this psychology, actively wanting something and not just clinging on for dear life to even a meager status quo lest you lose it is in itself dangerous bordering on catastrophic), this is a relationship where there isn't resentment, or guilt, or shame, or dread, or rage, or self-hate, or any of the other emotions that keep him paralyzed, unable to move this way or that. no debts, nothing owed of yourself and your soul's substance except what you can freely and safely and happily give. love and freedom don't coexist â but, I mean, you're almost starting to make me think........... unless...đđđ. the unconditional and undramatic 'you are here and I am here with you, you can be exactly how you are right now with me and it's safe for us both even though you're afraid it won't be, I'm not going anywhere' acceptance rook shows him here that he returns to them in the big romance scene, when it's rook who needs it. the way he's just. standing there in the center of it all, like a child desperately helplessly waiting to be found, hiding in the place he hopes you'll know to look first. (rook does know. it's one of the first things they say in there.)
in short the most important room in his little mind palace for the romance is the very first room â the one where rook isn't. where, in fact, rook cannot be, because they disprove the entire structure of the place with their existence and presence in his life. with everyone else he's putting words in their mouths about what they think of him, and rook is the one who actually gets to come in to speak their own words to him â and have him listen. ('he'll listen to you, he always listens to you', 'your voice is a comfort'.) of course rook isn't present anywhere else in there â at the risk of stating the obvious to a tedious degree, they aren't one of the locks, they're bringing the key. in the very finest 'the messenger and the message' sort of way.
#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#dragon age meta#rook is his first brush with actual safe attachment. and to me and because of who I am as a person#nothing could be more romantically devastating or impactful fhdsjkfhs that's literally the unreachable wistful dream the pie in the sky#the garrus romance echoes too. some of the same stuff going on under the hood here#you know who else he's sneakily like too actually? iron bull. the 'no matter where I turn I'll hurt someone I love' and dissociation stuff#there's that whole line about 'walking close to the edge or whatever'#which is masterful as a diversion b/c what this romance is really about is feeling truly safe with someone#in a sort of weirdly realistic way that makes it struggle with the conventions of video game romance but sure is Doing something!#and I unwittingly made a rook who also is on that specific arc so it's working out just devastating for me thanks for asking#the part in andrea gibson's 'prism' that's like. there is no shelter in the womb it's where you learn the cord that feeds you#could at any moment wrap around your neck. I think that's the initial understanding of love here. which is not good. if you think about it.#I don't think I really write these kinds of posts btw I just black out for a while and when I wake up from the trance I too#get to read what the fuck I've been thinking about finally. corralling that raging electric storm#that keeps overtaking my neurons at regular intervals and translating it into if not sense then certainly words. lots of words#no one is ever more surprised than me to find out what i'm thinking and feeling
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Any loser facts abt Peter in your universe? I see all Spider-Man's having atleast one (Or several) moments of "The Parker's luck", like swinging and falling into the dumpster, being the Smart-but-dumb person, or doing smth cringe to the point to embarass and make them stay awake at night
And I think it would be funny as hell if he is this smart, hot, skillful, intelligent with tragic backstory but still a little bit of a loser
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Hunting!Spiderman is absolutely a loser.
His biggest public embarrassment was taking on Captain America in his OG world. They were on opposite sides for some comic shenanigan reason or another, and ended up having to fight.
Captain America laid Spiderman out to fucking dry. Full on KO. He was obliterated, so completely and effectively that he legitimately had a crisis about it.
Even worse, Captain picked him up over the shoulder and took him to safety afterward. He woke up asking what time and year it was.
it was captured live on Tiktok, and mem-ed to absolute hell. Tags like #Spideryamcha and #Spideybeatdown were trending for weeks. JJ split the video into single frames and ran it on every website/article/blog of the Bugle.
Halloween was brutal. And endless stream of couple costumes, kids dressed as Captain America with spider-plushies, beach towels with Spidey's image, advertised thrown over the shoulder. God the Spotify playlist... (Beating me up/Mama Said Knock you Out/Getting Beaten Up/Lay Me/I'm a loser/Bad Day...and so on)
Now, to be clear, Spiderman has had his fair share of losses. He's not invulnerable- and to most of the masses, the power difference between Captain America and Spiderman is minimal.
But Spiderman knows better.
For reference, Captain America is an enhanced human. He's fast, strong, dexterous- and can lift up to 1200 pounds.
Spiderman can go toe-to-toe with the Hulk. Spiderman can lift up to 25 tons.
This shouldn't have been even close. And it wasn't. This is when Peter realized that having mutated muscles and superhuman strength didn't mean anything if he didn't know how to use them. Most of his rogues gallery up until that point (Rhino, Vulture, the classics-) were just dudes with souped up bodies/tech.
Captain America, highly trained and disciplined, was able to read him like a flimsy pamphlet, capitalizing on all his weaknesses to take Spidey out like yesterday's garbage.
TLDR: Spiderman got hilarious humbled on Tiktok and his rep took a hit that never totally recovered.
For new world Loser facts:
-Peter Parker is living above St. Margaret's on Weasel's charity. -Has to basically work for free for room and board -Has literally no friends or family (yet) -Can't hold a Starkphone in the right direction to save his life Stay tuned for more!
#hunting!spider#spiderman#captain america#talk shit get hit#he didn't quite trash talk the cap but man 'i don't wanna hurt you' shit aged like MILK#Sound of Silence was his unofficial theme song for everything after that#later edits had it set to AMERICA FUCK YEAH instead#tfw going up against a scientist in a suit isn't the same as taking on an actual professional#local spiderman has absolute breakdown more at 5 and 6 and 7 and 8 and 9- every day for the next month basically#u bet ur ass Spiderman lays awake thinking about this#hunting!spider art
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag#writeblr#it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal#fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho)#healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy#im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage....#1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind#and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes#2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception''#3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.''#idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh#im sure there are people who have this experience normally#but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists#when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band''#edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful#once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large#but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry.#but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes#but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally.#i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes#people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism#but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet .#i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY#and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound.#but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in#i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too.#here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change#was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort)#choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL
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16Oct24
He took the stage first, just a boy, Now the first one to leave, just a boy. Nothingâs right, hearts are torn, For Liam, we mourn â Knowing Payne means we got to know joy.
#rest in peace liam#liam payne#i'm just so profoundly sad#anne's post moved me from shock to sorrow#be kind to yourself#be kind to others#except simon cowell he can and will rot in hell#just ... fuck#grief is neither linear nor logical#we can love and mourn flawed people#we're grieving the loss of who he was and what he was to us#as well as the loss of his unrealized future#i hope he is at peace#i hope those he hurt can find peace#i hope those that hurt him are haunted by this the rest of their days
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Unpleasant Revelations - DPxDC Ficlet Idea for the Stillborn Au
"Have you met my youngest, Damian, Mr. Masters?"
Its only from twenty years of long, hard experience and practice that Vlad doesn't increase the room temperature from 'borderline uncomfortably cool' to 'unbearably hot' the moment Bruce Wayne pulls his youngest and "only" biological son out in front of him.
He puts only in quotations because twelve year old Damian Wayne looks scarily, uncannily like one Daniel Brown. Jack and Maddie's foster son, second victim of their foolishness, and only other halfa in existence. Second only to him.
It's nauseating how similar they look. From the scowl and terrible glare on the young boy's face, to his brown skin -- which was only a few shades lighter than Daniel's, the shape of his nose, and even the strange winged edge of his eyebrow. Something that Vlad has long since come to find endearing on the child he considered a son of his own. The only difference was that Damian had dark, sharp green eyes.
Daniel's eyes were blue. The same glacier shade as his father's, who stood behind Damian with a proud, oafish smile on his visage.
It was infuriating how similar they look. Vlad might not have rapidly swung the room temperature from one extreme to the other, but he can't stop himself from letting the fury burning within his core from slipping out and raising the temperature up a few degrees.
Because it really only meant one thing.
Damian Wayne and Daniel Brown were related.
Damian Wayne and Daniel Brown were brothers.
Standing in front of him, it was clear as day. He can already picture a phantom image of Daniel standing beside Damian, the same scowl written on his face, the same glare carved into his eyes. The only difference being the dark, exhausted circles beneath them that seemed to be permanently painted onto his skin. The only thing missing being the permanent loneliness and vigilance permeating his being like a scar.
This, if revealed, would be enough to ruin Bruce Wayne's reputation. Or, at the very least, darken it quite a bit. The great philanthropist Bruce Wayne with another secret blood child? One related to his youngest? One that had been put into foster care? Seemingly thrown away?
It would be a firestorm.
One that Vlad is not keen on starting.
It would ruin Bruce Wayne's reputation, yes. But it would hurt Daniel in the process -- the harassment he would face alone might just be enough to break that fragile child completely. That was just not something he could allow. Or, even worse, bring him into his biological father's care and custody -- something Vlad was even less willing to allow.
It's not out of kindness to Wayne that Vlad will keep mum about this.
His grip on his champagne flute tightens, just a bit. He's still aware enough of the world around him to not let it shatter in his hands. His plastered, pleasant smile tightens around the corners, and he forces his focus to slide from Damian to Wayne.
"The resemblance is uncanny, Mister Wayne." He says, slanting his smile to the side slyly. Although he's not talking about the resemblance between Wayne and his son. Rage simmers beneath his skin, burning coal and embers in the core of his chest, nestled between his lungs, as he meets the man's eyes.
Wayne swaggles his head proudly, his ditzy smile widening as he squeezes his son's shoulder affectionately. Bastard, Vlad wants to spit.
He breathes in through his nose, and exhales out through his mouth. The champagne in his hand cools, and stops its unusual bubbling.
The Damian boy scoffs under his breath, his mouth still coiled upward into a scowl. With the revelation of his blood relation to Daniel evident, Vlad's not sure if he should find it endearing or not.
He is not Daniel, so he decides that it's just simply irritating. He decides to ignore it.
"And you said he was your only biological son?" He asks, voice lilting and head tilting. He knows its a suspicious question at worst, insulting at best. But considering Wayne's past proclivities, he can hardly call it an unexpected question.
Damian puffs in great offense, face twisting angrily. It reminds him of Daniel when Vlad insisted that he was wrong about something or other, and for a moment his heart swells, fond.
But this is not his child, and so the feeling quickly crashes and burns, simmering back into rage. This was not Daniel -- this was his replacement. A replacement that Wayne was free to keep.
Wayne chuckles, idiotically, as if he'd said some funny joke. Vlad's other hand, the one gripping his cane -- something he's required ever since he was dispatched from the hospital all those lonely years ago -- tightens instead. He grinds his teeth -- him and Jack Fenton would get along like a house on fire, he hates it.
"I can understand why you'd ask that, Mister Masters," Wayne says, squeezing Damian's shoulder again, "but yes, Damian is my only biological son. Although that doesn't mean I don't love my other children any less."
Bastard.
For all his posturing and flouncing about caring for his city and his children, Vlad never would have thought the Prince of Gotham capable of abandoning one of them.
But, well.
They all have their dark secrets.
And what one man throws away, another man picks up. If Bruce Wayne didn't want the treasure child that was Daniel Brown, then Vlad Masters was more than happy to take him instead.
"I see."
#dpxdc#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpxdc au#danyal al ghul au#dpxdc ficlet#dpxdc fanfic#i was hit with this idea two hours ago and was hit with the intrinsic need to write it down#parental vlad masters#protective vlad masters#vlad is currently going 'OH? OH YOU ABANDON AND REPLACE **MY** SON??? MURDER. DEATH. BEES UPON YOUR FAMILY'#but he's also still like. evil. much less of a creep! but evil. so he comes off a bit possessive. which was intentional.#vlad's reaction is kinda valid if it was accurate and bruce DID willingly and knowingly abandon danny. except he didn't. he has no idea#danny is even alive. vlad doesn't know that tho. we all love a good reasonable misunderstanding :]#hc that vlad needs a cane as a human because the ecto-acne that killed him fucked his nerves up a bit as a result and now he's got a bad le#and is also immunocompromised. which had a slight hand in his 20 year isolation thing.#stillborn? no still born au#stillborn danny au#stillborn danny#vlad masters#this may or may not be canon to the au im still thinking about it#vlad acknowledges that danny is formiddable but he's also not wrong that a media shitstorm like that would hurt him considerably.#diamonds are the toughest known material to man and yet it still shatters like glass when put under pressure. vlad's right he's fragile#ummm anyways yeah Vlad finds out first and promptly decides to go 'oh okay so fuck you personally actually. keep your replacement child'#he has No Plans on telling Danny what he learned mostly for the obvious selfish reasons and also bc yeah. this is gonna hurt danny#ITS NOT FUN IF IT ISNT A LITTLE TOXIIIIC#i absolutely know that vlad only swears in deserts which is why its important that i have him call bruce wayne a bastard directly.
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what WERE tim and kon doing in that closet together that made kon have to get dressed afterwards anyway? wrong answers only. i'll start i think they were playing two person strip poker but tim cheated like a motherfucker. actually wait that doesn't make this sound any less gay. um. hold on. there's gotta be something. um
#rimi talks#this was gonna be a bit but that actually doesn't sound any less gay than gay sex. okay. well#let me try again. um......#like there's the boring option (kon was changing out of a hospital gown and... tim was there too... for some reason...)#that STILL sounds gay god dammit#had the thought maybe tim just wanted kon to strip for a minute to verify he really wasn't hurt? BUT THAT ALSO IS STILL GAY.#graduation day is certainly a comic that exists but truly the closet bit is so .#winick you mad bastard etc#like i don't Actually think they fucked in there in terms of how i see their relationship progression in any canon adjacent context#but my GOD is it funny. sfhksfklsfgj#timkon#tim#kon
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ok i swear i'm not going to talk about my breakup forever but the thing that just keeps bothering me:
i know that not getting what you need in a relationship is a COMPLETELY valid reason to end it but also. i feel like having a very vulnerable moment where i opened up about my struggles with intimacy and being relieved that i didn't have to keep doing things i wasn't comfortable with, then being dumped a YEAR later because of my lack of intimacy. is something i should be allowed to be very hurt by???
#ramble#sorry i'm currently in a phase of 'of course this happened' and 'oh i deserve this because i didn't give him what he wanted'#like he knew i was grey ace since the start. and he let it go on for SO long after i said i might be vaguely aro as well#if that's a dealbreaker for you bc of your love language then FINE but NIP IT IN THE BUD#he said he put it off because he didn't want to hurt my feelings but it only hurt me MORE#like you're an adult. grow the fuck up and communicate like one#holding your negative feelings in hoping somebody notices you're hiding them is what TEENAGERS do#and also i told him VERBATIM: i didn't think anyone would ever love me because i'm not comfortable with xyz. and he just confirmed that#idk i still feel like i'm being selfish because how could i expect someone to be in a relationship with me when i can't give them anything#also tmi but it's not like we did NOTHING. we still held hands/cuddled/were close. he just didn't have his tongue down my throat anymore#so obviously i'm assuming by 'missing affection' he just meant sex and as an ace person that just fucking sucks#also oh my god i HATED how much he would imply we were going to have sex. i would have to keep SAYING 'i don't like doing this'#he always spoke like it was inevitably going to happen and it didn't click how GROSS i felt about it until recently#also ALSO not to go there but i never told him WHY i struggle with it (it's sensory issues)#and like. what if something had happened to me that made it hard for me and i just wasn't ready to tell him. and then he did this#again sorry to overshare this is still just a lot for me and i have no idea if i'm being unreasonable#if you're ace and in a relationship please let me know bc i'm starting to think it'll end this way every single time
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