#Guys it’s ok the problem is quite easy to solve

[moonilit]

Chapter 63 alternative ending once upon an eclipse by @leeryder

[missywritesfor7]

❤️‍🩹Lifeline | MYG❤️‍🩹

Synopsis: It’s long been controversial for idols to date, but idols dating each other can be really beautiful or a complete nightmare. When Yoongi's relationship with another idol is discovered, he decides maybe it’s time to break the taboo and show people it’s ok for idols to date. Instead, they find themselves caught in the midst of one media frenzy after another and struggle to keep their relationship as strong as it had been the past 2 years. Yoongi finds a self destructive way to cope, and it causes even more problems than it solves. As they fight for their relationship and their careers, they discover that sometimes, the only way to truly be free is to let go.

Pairing: idol!Yoongi x idol!OC

Warnings: nsfw, alcoholism, cheating, depression, anxiety, Yoongi goes through a bisexy ho phase, Yoongi is also in his alcoholic phase, post-military BTS

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Ch. 12: Guilty

Hyeri began shooting for her new miniseries with lots of enthusiasm. She’s determined to blow everyone away and make JJS see that she doesn’t need fake relationships and other gimmicks to gain viewers. She simply wants to act and be great at it.

Yoongi is still working on his group and solo music, but he also took on a big project for an interactive music exhibit. It’s something he hadn’t done before and he liked the idea of a challenge. However, he didn’t realize how much of a challenge it really would be. It’s more than producing and writing a song. It’s also breaking down every single element of the music in ways he’d never done before. Every instrument, beat, reverb, etc. has to be finely dissected for this exhibit. It’s taking more out of him each day and the looming deadline isn’t much help.

Yoongi and Hyeri have seen less of each other lately. It’s not something new for them, but as usual it’s not exactly easy either. While they’ve been making progress in rebuilding their relationship, it’s still nowhere near 100%, and that only makes these extended times apart even harder.

Hyeri still doesn’t trust Yoongi. She’s happy that they’ve been getting closer again, but she still doesn’t trust him. The less she sees of him the more she worries that he’ll slip back into drinking. She knows he likes to have a glass or two when he’s working, she just hopes that if he does have a drink he doesn’t go overboard.

She’s constantly checking for any signs that he may have slipped up. When he’s not home she’s checking all of his hiding places for new bottles. When he is home she stays close to see if she can smell alcohol on his breath or smell his attempt the cover it up. So far she’s found nothing but she still wants to stay vigilant.

Yoongi knows Hyeri has been working extra hard on this drama. After her falling out with JJS over her unauthorized statement, she’s felt like she has to prove herself even more as an actress. Yoongi can tell she’s been more stressed than ever and he wants to make sure he doesn’t do anything to make it worse.

He hasn’t drank a thing since he’s been back working in the studio. He knows the guys are still trying to keep an eye on him and he knows Hyeri has been digging through his things looking for hidden drinks. He doesn’t blame anyone for it, he put this on himself.

None of that changes the fact that he’s under a lot of stress though. His solo work isn’t so much an issue because he can work on that for as long as he wants and release it whenever he wants. His group work and the special project he took on however have deadlines and it’s weighing him down.

He submitted the songs he had for the group, but there were a lot of changes that were suggested he make on nearly every one of them. Each song had something that wasn’t quite right, or something one of the guys felt was either too much or not enough. He’s starting to feel like he can’t get anything right.

The deadline for his exhibition project is coming closer and that isn���t helping. He’s worked tirelessly on the project but still can’t seem to see the end in sight. He had no idea it would be so labor intensive.

Everyday he leaves the studio to go home he hears the faint whisper of the hidden bottle of whiskey in his car. Everyday he has to use every bit of power in him to ignore the temptation. If Hyeri smells it that could be the end for him.

Then he has a particularly rough day. He can’t take any more. Nothing is going right. His computer crashed before he could save his work and he had to start over. His melodies weren’t flowing right, and his beats were falling flat. He finally walked out of his studio to get some air.

His legs carried him out to his car in the parking garage. He considered going home for the day. Maybe calling it a day early will give him time to relax a little and maybe he’ll feel more refreshed in the morning.

The moment he sits in the driver’s seat he can only sigh, groan, curse, then sigh again. Going home now would just leave more work for him to have to rush through later. He leans his head back and takes a deep breath. He just needs a moment to clear his mind before he jumps back into work.

It’s a long moment. A frustrating moment. He feels so on edge and the only thing he can think to ease his anxiety is a sip from the whiskey in his car. A small sip, nothing crazy. Although a small sip is crazy for him, so he takes more than a sip.

It’s like he lost control of himself for a brief moment. His hands were moving but he wasn’t the one moving them. The moment the dark beverage touched his tongue he felt like an electric current shot through his entire body. It invigorates him so much he can’t help but take another gulp.

“Fuck,” he exhales. That drink shouldn’t feel so good.

He sits a little longer fighting with his better judgement before he finally gets out of his car and heads back to his studio. With the bottle of whiskey tucked into his pocket. He knows he fucked up. The bottle is small, it can’t be that bad.

He gets in the studio and takes another drink. The small bottle is half empty now. He knows he should stop. It’s the only bottle he has so he should save it. It’s too bad that the worst part of him has come out and forced his hand to put the bottle to his lips and finish the rest off.

He immediately throws himself back into his work. It’s strange how he feels more productive now. Maybe it’s the whiskey or maybe it’s the guilt trying to mask itself as productivity. Either way, he’s able to power through and make good progress. By the time he leaves later that night he feels like he’s actually accomplished something.

He gets home, cleans himself up, and slips into bed next to Hyeri who’s already asleep. He makes sure his breath doesn’t have a hint of alcohol smell then allows himself to drift off to sleep.

Yoongi wakes up the next morning to an empty bed. Hyeri has been starting her days extra early for her scheduled shoots. Yoongi typically tries to wake up with her just to see her off, but he’s not always able to do so like today. He slept so hard he didn’t even hear her leave which he typically does. He gets out of bed to get his day started. He makes himself a quick breakfast and gets ready for another day in the studio.

On his way there he’s hit with that sneaky voice telling him he should stop and pick up something to drink along the way. It’s tempting. He feels like he got so much more work done yesterday once he had a drink. He knows its a slippery slope though, and yesterday was only a mistake he made in a moment of weakness. He goes straight to the studio without giving in to the temptation.

Getting himself started is rough. He stares into space for about 20 minutes before he finally snaps out of it and begins working. It’s frustrating. Nothing is flowing. That spark of life he had yesterday is nowhere to be found.

He sits in annoyance a moment before his body falls under the control of some outside force and he taps a message out to one of their managers. He’s not proud of himself. He knows he fucked up. He knows it’s so damn hard for him to stop. He’s so ashamed of himself.

Though he only requested a single bottle of whiskey, his manager returned with that plus a gift with a bottle of cognac from one of the brands the guys represent. They get gifts like that all of the time from sponsors, prospective sponsors, and various companies just trying to get their name out there. The timing of this gift couldn’t have been worse though.

Yoongi knows that if he got the gift, so did the rest of the guys. If the rest of the guys got it then they know he did too. If they discover he had even the smallest sip from the bottle they would notice and probably cause a scene. So he puts the bottle up on his shelf to replace one of the decorative bottles that Namjoon had gotten rid of. If anyone were to come and question him they would see that the unopened bottle is on the shelf untouched.

Instead, he cracks open the bottle of whiskey the manager brought him and takes a big drink. That electric feeling comes back and he feels empowered. He gets back to work feeling the boost of productivity running through him.

Yoongi tends to work long periods of time without a break. He only pulls himself away from work to take a breath and another sip of whiskey when he feels the effects of the last one had already worn off. That’s how his day goes.

The next day isn’t much different. The only change is that he stops by the liquor store on his way to the studio to get himself a new bottle of whiskey to take the place of the one he finished off the day before.

The day after that, he does it again. This time he just buys a bigger bottle so that it will last him a bit longer. However that didn’t work the way he thought it would, so the following day he buys two big bottles. By the end of the week he’s downing at least a big bottle and a half a day.

Then one day, just a week shy of the deadline for his special project, he drinks two bottles of whiskey because he’s so stressed. In his mind it will give him a boost. In reality, he’s practically useless. The additional bottles of tequila and gin he asked a manager to get for him certainly hasn’t helped either.

That night he gets little done. He can’t concentrate and he can hardly see straight. He’s only able to sober up slightly when he gets a text from Hyeri asking when he’d be home. He knows he can’t go home in this state. She’ll no doubt smell it on him and get upset.

“Fuck,” he groans trying to type out a message to her.

The guilt sets in almost immediately after he tells her he’ll stay the night in his studio because he still has much to do. He didn’t want to fuck up again and give her a reason to leave. He felt like he got so lucky with the second chance she gave him, but now he’s realizing that he’s already fucked up that second chance the moment he drank the whiskey he had in his car.

He knows he can’t face her when he’s like this so he tries avoiding her. He stays that night in his studio. He goes home late the next evening knowing she’ll be asleep when he gets there. He washes up and gets in the bed next to her as if he hadn’t spent the majority of the day drinking. When he wakes the next morning she’s already gone. It’s almost as if he doesn’t have to face her at all. He doesn’t have to face the guilt.

Except when she calls him during her breaks and constantly texts him whenever she gets a moment. She may not be able to see him, but the guilt beats him down more and more every time he sees her name show up on his phone. He thought he could stop on his own or at least cut back, but every time he fails.

Hyeri is no fool. She was suspicious of Yoongi before he even gave her a reason to be suspicious. She knew he had a bottle of whiskey in his car. She found it when she was leaving for her shoot one morning and thought she had left her sunglasses in his car. At that time the bottle was still unopened. When she checked a few days later, the bottle was gone.

At the very least she knows he drank the whiskey. His behavior since then has led her to believe that he’s definitely drinking more while he’s in the studio. She knows he’ll shut down if she tries to confront him about it. Even if he admits it to her, she knows he’ll get defensive. Not only that, but she knows he likes to have a drink while he works. While she would prefer if he didn’t drink at all right now, she doesn’t want to seem like she’s attacking him if a small drink at work is all he’s having. Too bad that’s not all he’s having while he’s working.

He’s drowning in another bottle in a desperate attempt to find the motivation to get through his work. Instead he spends much too much time scrolling his phone. He goes from unmotivated to terribly guilty when he comes across an article about Hyeri.

The article talks about Hyeri working on a new drama and how she’s recovered from her car accident. Actually it talks a lot about her accident. It’s not a very long article, but the pictures included are what hit Yoongi the hardest. The first picture is just her smiling face from a red carpet event she attended a year ago. Her sweet smile that he’s fallen head over heels in love with. Then the next picture is one that was taken of her car after her accident. Until now, Yoongi hasn’t seen any photos related to her accident. He had no desire to see the carnage he felt he created. But now that carnage is staring right back at him.

He knew her car had been totaled but he never saw how the front of her car had been completely smashed in. He had no idea she hit the pole so hard that it was left tilted, having to later be replaced. The crushed metal and shattered glass feels like it’s choking him as his eyes remain glued to the photo.

“I should have been with her,” he softly cries to himself. “I’m no good for her.”

The guilt comes pouring out of his eyes and he can’t stop it. He feels so guilty for everything. He wishes he was there for her. He wishes he could have comforted her while she was hurting. He wishes he could have stopped her from going out that night. He wishes he wasn’t such a drunken piece of shit.

Through his tears he searches the internet for a solution to ease his guilt. He feels he needs to do something to make up for everything and more. He wants to give Hyeri something big enough to make up for his infidelity and his excessive drinking that he’s still partaking in behind her back. He hates himself so much.

The next day he can’t bring himself to go into the studio. Hyeri has an evening call time for once so he wants to stay home with her while he can. His guilt is soul crushing so he’d rather stay with her to stay away from temptation than go to the studio and keep making things worse. Because he knows he won’t be able to resist a drink the moment he gets there.

He starts the day making her breakfast. He showers her with love and does everything to make sure she doesn’t have to lift a finger. Hyeri relishes in the princess treatment that he’s giving her. She mentioned being a bit sore in the shoulders from yesterday’s shoot so Yoongi gave her a massage when she was done with breakfast.

Throughout the day he tells her how much he loves her and how lucky he is to have her. He mentions feeling like he’s still not enough, but she scolded him as she always does when he says those things. She knows he’s not without faults, and neither is she, but she wouldn’t still be there if she didn’t feel so strongly for him. She has hope that they can survive anything if they can survive all they’ve gone through during his tour. She knows she’s probably being naive as usual, but she’s always felt Yoongi had something special. Something she’d never experienced before. A love she never knew existed.

He caters to her every need. Makes her the most delicious food while keeping her diet in mind. He never makes eye contact with people when he’s speaking to them, but he’ll always make eye contact with her. He makes sure she has everything she needs to get through her shoot and throws in a couple of snacks that she can munch on if she gets a little hungry. He offers to drive her to set where he’ll pick her up later once she’s done. She tries to tell him there’s no need for him to go out of his way, but he insisted.

After he gets her dropped off for her shoot he begins putting his plan in motion. He heads home to switch cars. He takes Hyeri’s rental back to the rental lot. From there he gets a manager to take him to a luxury dealership where the 4-door navy blue luxury sedan he bought for Hyeri is waiting for him.

She told him not to buy her a car. She told him a few times. To Hyeri it’s too much and she would feel bad accepting something so extravagant. To Yoongi, it’s only a small piece of a larger operation to show her how much he loves her and definitely not to try masking his own guilt for slipping into his addiction again.

Yoongi makes a few more stops before he gets home. He starts by setting up the large flower arrangement near the front door. It will be the first thing she sees when she walks inside. From there he has an assortment of Hyeri’s favorite cuts of meat. She enjoys having her own bbq experience at home so Yoongi made it happen with a table grill set up on their balcony outside. In the bathroom is a full spa set equipped with face masks, bath bombs, body scrub, and moisturizers. Laying across the bed is a cozy robe and fuzzy slippers for her to slip into after her relaxing bath. Along with that is the necklace he bought for her in New York. He never sent it with the other gifts he got her because he wanted to give it to her when he got back. Of course things didn’t quite go to plan so he had it tucked away in one of his bags where he’d forgotten about it. Now he’ll finally give her the lavish necklace that he knows she’ll love.

Yoongi set up what he thought would be the perfect evening for Hyeri. He set up everything she loves and bought her a car that he knows she’s had on her wishlist. The final touch before he left later that night to pick her up, was the trail of rose petals he left going from the front door to the bedroom. She always loves that extra romantic touch.

Yoongi drove Hyeri’s new car to pick her up from her set. Since she wouldn’t know to look for that car, he parked and stood outside waiting for her to emerge from her trailer. He’s nervous and he isn’t sure why. Would she be upset with him for buying her a car when she told him not to? Would she immediately realize that he’s doing this because he feels guilty for relapsing?

“Hey!” Hyeri says approaching him. She has a big smile that lets Yoongi know she had a good day. “What’s this?” She asks looking at the shiny new car she hasn’t seen before.

“Your ride,” Yoongi says opening the passenger side door for her.

“What?” She asks while getting in anyway.

Yoongi runs around the car and hops into the driver side. He’s been sober all day and he’s proud of himself. He flashes his big gummy smile at Hyeri then pulls off to head home. He feels invigorated. Sure his guilt is the reason why he’s doing this, but the anticipation to see how she’ll react to it all makes him ecstatic.

When they arrive home Yoongi opens the door for her so she can enter first. She immediately gasps at the trail of rose petals across the floor and the large floral arrangement in front of her.

“Yoongi,” she says admiring the flowers. “What is all of this?”

“There’s more,” he smiles gesturing for her to follow the trail to the bedroom.

Hyeri walks along the fallen petals to the bedroom where she’s greeted by her new robe and spa set. She’s in awe at everything Yoongi has put together, and even more impressed when she feels how soft and cozy the robe is.

“Yoongi,” she says turning to look at his smiling face standing in the bedroom doorway. “You did all of this?”

“Yes,” he says stepping towards her. “It’s all for you, babe. The flowers, the dinner I prepared, the robe, the car. It’s all yours.”

“The….car?” She thinks a moment at the car he brought her home in. The one that did look suspiciously like the car she had been wanting for a while. “Yoongi, no.”

“It’s yours,” he says handing her the key.

“Yoongi,” she says trying to hold back tears. “How? I mean, why? For me? Why?”

“Why not?” He smiles. “You deserve all of it and more.”

“But-“

He interrupts her by placing his lips on hers. She leans in wanting to savor this feeling of him being so warm and affectionate. He hasn’t kissed her like this in so long that she almost forgot what it feels like. He’s so delicate. So gentle with her.

“I love you,” he says pulling her into him tighter. “I know I’m a fuck up, but I love you more than anything in this world.”

“Yoongi,” she says softly as she wraps her arms around his neck.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve done,” he continues. “I know this isn’t enough to make up for all the shit I’ve done, but I will make it up to you forever, Hyeri. I love you.”

“Baby, this is all so…” she pauses unsure of the word she’s looking for to describe how full her heart feels right now. Instead she leans in and kisses him gently. “I love you so much.”

She kisses him again lingering against his soft lips. Everything she’s feeling is so overwhelming that all she can do is press her body into him harder. She continues kissing and pressing him until he falls back onto the bed with her still attached to his lips.

Hyeri can’t help herself. She hasn’t felt Yoongi like this in too long. Certainly not since before he went on tour. She straddles him and pushes his back flat on the bed. She goes in for another kiss, then slides her tongue into his mouth. Not tasting alcohol on him only fuels her more. He did all of this for her and he’s sober. This is the Yoongi she fell in love with.

Yoongi can’t even comprehend how good he feels right now. He’s missed her taste and her touch. He’d been so guilt ridden that he tried to avoid intimacy with Hyeri. He craved her touch but felt like a shitty person when he thought of how much he hurt her. But now that guilt is taking a backseat to the feeling of her removing his shirt and kissing a trail from his chest all the way down to his belly button.

Hyeri is eager and assertive in a way she’s never been before. She’s usually the submissive one. The one who simply lays back and lets Yoongi take control and send her around the world. Not this time. She’s overwhelmed with so much feeling that she hardly even gives him a chance to take a breath. She has a new drive and motivation that’s powering her to remove Yoongi’s pants and begin massaging his growing hardness with just the amount of pressure she knows drives him wild.

All Yoongi can do is let out a breathy groan at the sensation he gets from her touch. This is the side of her he’s not used to. This confidence and control she’s showing as she removes her own clothes and makes herself comfortable straddling his lap again. She goes in for another kiss and he can feel her grinding her wet pussy against him. He’s about to go feral.

His hands trace every part of her body while she’s still attached to his lips. Once she feels he’s reached the pinnacle of longing, she lifts herself then slowly, gently, and delicately slides down his shaft taking every part of him in. The mewl she unleashes gives him chills.

Her love is incredible. The way she has full control as she bounces up and down is insatiable. He reaches for her breasts and teases her nipples pulling a heavy moan out of her. Her breaths increase and all he can do is marvel at the way she starts to unravel on top of him.

She leans into him while still bouncing her hips up and down on him. Her mouth finds his neck and she bites him like she never has before. While it isn’t unusual for her to nip at his skin, this time was much different. She was still gentle as ever, but he could tell she wanted to leave a mark with that bite.

That’s exactly what she did. That was her goal. He’s hers and she’s his and she wants it to be known. For the first time, after the fighting and heartache, she doesn’t give a damn who knows about her and Yoongi. She wants the world to know.

Yoongi hisses when she slides her tongue over the mark she left. It stings so good to him. He tightens his grip around her body bracing for his impending explosion. He can tell she’s close to her end too.

She keeps her rhythm until she can’t will her body to go any longer. She’s trying to find stability when Yoongi pulls her even closer into his body and begins picking up where she left off. His hips piston into her until she lets out a loud whine and goes limp into him.

He chases his undoing with the sound of her trying to catch her breath in his ear. She means everything to him. More than he can even describe. He can’t believe he had ever been so stupid to get so drunk on tour that he let complete strangers give him blow jobs without a second thought.

No one could ever love him the way Hyeri loves him. No one could ever make him feel as good as she does when he hits his climax and cums to the sound of her moaning in his ear. She’s the best thing that ever happened to him and he did the dumbest, most unforgivable things in his mind while on tour.

He holds her tight, cradling her head and holding her against his body. He tries to catch his breath but he suddenly finds himself trying to hold back tears. He’s never loved someone like this in his life and no one has ever shown him the level of unconditional love that Hyeri shows him.

He slowly pulls out of her but keeps his hold on her body. She softly kisses his neck giving him a warm yet guilty feeling.

“I love you,” Yoongi says. He wishes he could say more but if he opens his mouth again he may lose the fight against his guilty tears. All he can do is continue holding on to her as if she would disappear forever if he let go. She means the world to him but he’s convinced he’s a piece of shit. He knows he’s a piece of shit.

[musings-of-the-void]

I am this way because I am

Not because I want to be

Not because I chose to be

I just am

And it’s not bad

It’s not scary

It’s actually good

I like having a word for how I feel

For how I am

For what I thought was strange and wrong that can actually be ok

But you keep treating it like it’s a disease

Pathologizing my sexuality

Like I should be afraid of it (or you are)

Like it’s wrong

Like it’s something to be fixed

Like if only you tell me enough about the joys of a Godly marriage

I’ll repent and rejoin the ways of normalcy

I don’t think that’s going to happen

And really it doesn’t work that way

I almost wish it did

But it’s not even a choice

It’s just what I am

I get that it won’t be easy

I get that not everyone is going to understand it

To like it

(You’ve shown me that quite clearly)

I’m not choosing it to make my life harder

It’s just true

I’m not going to go around shouting it from the rooftops

I’m also not planning to date someone without telling them first

(I don’t know why you keep talking like I’ll get all the way to marriage without telling the guy I’m ace

Just because I keep secrets from you…)

I don’t know how to make you understand that this is not a problem you need to solve

All I’m asking is that you know

I don’t need intervention

Or worry

I don’t need to repent of the grievous sin of finding a word that fits how I feel

I told you because I want you to know

You asked if I think of myself as LGBTQ+

And I didn’t

I always thought before that they had to struggle through so much more

I still think that

But it’s starting to sound like I will too

[simslegacy5083]

Today's (12/20/2024) Episode: The Struggle

Skye’s improved mood didn’t last long. As soon as xe got home, xe heard xir parent’s arguing in the living room.

“Luigi, you need to calm down, go back over there, and apologize” Noemi was saying “I’m sure Isra has a good reason for not telling us exactly what Elyse said happened last night.”

“There’s NO good reason to hide what she knows from us!” Luigi raged “HER kid isn’t the one limping around, wearing a cast, and facing his second surgery in as many weeks! I’m not apologizing for ANYTHING.”

“Even if it loses you one, maybe two, of your oldest and dearest friends?” Noemi replied, her voice taking on an air of affected calm, as if she was trying to soothe a skittish wild animal.

“If Isra isn’t willing to be open with us about something this important, then maybe she was never really that good of a friend anyway!” Luigi retorted, storming into the hallway to find Skye sitting on the ottoman just outside his bedroom door.

“Oh, hey kiddo” he said, his glare quickly morphing into a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I was just about to start dinner. You want to give me a hand? You don’t have to, but I know how much you love it and if you throw something in the pressure cooker you can take a load off and start your homework while it cooks.”

“Sure dad” xe replied, turning and following xir father to the kitchen. Now my parents and Elyse’s are fighting!? Skye thought None of this would be happening if I hadn’t come out. Maybe I don’t need to tell anyone or use new pronouns, maybe just knowing the truth in my heart is enough.

“…well, my notes are a mess and Mr. Haas assigned us this solar system diorama project, I don’t know how I’m going to finish it on my own now” Skye sighed “but I promise I won’t let my grades slip!”

“I believe in you. Now, how did taking pictures of the chess meet go?” Noemi asked xem. “Did Gretchen help you with your camera?”

“Yeah, she was really nice about it” Skye smiled at the memory “and Peter is letting me share his locker, its closer to classes and lunch.”

“That’s great” Noemi said, “if you’re done eating why don’t we setup that project of yours and I’ll give you a hand – how’s that sound?” The joy on xir Mom’s face when she heard about xir friends helping xem out at school made Skye feel great, until xe noticed xir Dad staring darkly at his empty plate.

“Umm, Dad?” Luigi glanced up, called back to the conversation. “Please don’t be mad at Aunt Isra. I don’t want you guys fighting just because my date with Elyse went badly. Its not her fault I fell, really. I was running, that’s why I had the attack. It was stupid.” Skye hung xir head “I’m sorry.”

Luigi seemed to deflate in on himself at Skye’s words “Son, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. I’m going to be honest; your mother and I suspect you’re not telling us everything, but we also respect that everyone has a right to privacy. Just remember that you can tell us anything, OK?”

“OK” Skye agreed, avoiding xir father’s eye. Easy to say. But I don’t think I could bear for them to hate me OR Elyse… I’d rather not risk it yet.

“Good” Luigi continued “Now I guess while you two are working on that project, I’ll go make that apology everyone thinks I owe my ex-girlfriend.”

By the time Skye and Noemi were finished working on xir assignment xe found xemself with yet another new problem to solve.

“You should really wash up before bed stinky butt” Noemi told xem, playfully pinching her nose. Skye rose without protest and made xir way into the bathroom but stopped when xe went to turn on the showerhead and was confronted by the thick blue wrap xe wasn’t going to be able to remove.

“Mom!” xe called out, holding out xir arm and asking, “what do I do about this?” as soon as she popped her head in.

A few minutes later Skye found xemself sitting in the tub, xir left arm covered with a taped-up garbage bag to prevent the bandage from getting wet. “How am I supposed to get clean sitting in the dirt I’m washing off!?” Skye lamented “This sucks!”

Stepping out of the bath a disheartened Skye spun into xir PJs and vented xir frustration about the hardships of the day in a sad social bunny post while xe waited for xir mom to remove the extra wrap from xir arm.

I just wish I didn’t need this stupid cast xe thought. After a day spent dealing with xir injuries xe understood how much more difficult they were going to make everything and xe wanted nothing more than to go to bed and have a good cry.

“Good night sweetheart” Noemi said as Skye made xir way to xir bedroom “I’ll see you tomorrow morning to reprise my role as your makeup artist.”

Skye forced a smile for her as xe passed: “Sounds great, have a good night, Mom.”

Before collapsing into bed Skye took one last look at social bunny and stared in shock at the flurry of well wishes their unhappy post from a few minutes before had already garnered. The tears they began to cry then weren’t the sad, frustrated ones they’d been prepared to shed. Instead, they were overcome by emotion seeing how much their friends and family cared about them.

As xe drifted off to sleep Skye felt much better knowing that as hard as things felt just then, at least xe wasn’t facing them alone.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[all-pacas]

@ghost-main interesting to wonder if kutner would continue the cycle of (weird) abuse [as head of diagnostics] like chase presumably does,

OK, I've actually thought about this, and wanted to make it its own post because of potential length: On the one hand, I disagree that Chase would intentionally continue a cycle of abuse with his fellows. On the other, I also think he would have real issues with being a boss and a teacher.

So to start with, Chase actually has a nice advantage coming into Head of Diagnostics: his first two fellows are Adams and Park. They are his friends. They like and respect him, and he likes them; he isn't going to have to struggle to establish himself as the boss or as someone they need to respect. Foreman had this problem whenever he was put in charge of diagnostics — Cameron and Chase had nooo interest in listening to him — but we see Chase mentoring Park, we see him step up in the team a few times. I think the girls would push back against him if he got too bossy or petty (Park would absolutely shut him down if he got mean), but they do respect him and listen to him. And that's kind of huge. Chase has never really been in charge before. He's stepped up plenty of times, but always informally; he really has no experience leading a team. It's gotta be a learning curve, you know? And he gets to hit the ground running because his team already knows him.

Longer term, I don't think he'd really fall into House's style of berating and bullying, mostly because that's House's style. Chase is more passive-aggressive and sarcastic. He's certainly impatient and dismissive, but he doesn't really talk shit unless very provoked. I think he'd be occasionally cranky and frustrated with his fellows, but that leads into his actual weakness as a leader.

Chase solves a lot of cases on his own. You know how he does it, every time? He gets really quiet, he frowns to himself as everyone is talking, and then he announces his solution. In the Pilot, everyone is arguing and he sits out an entire scene thinking about how to prove the patient has worms. In Post Mortem, he locks himself in the basement with a white board thinking. In The C Word, he urges everyone to brainstorm and listens silently, thinking, until he puts it together and goes off to save the day. Chase is not a collaborative thinker. He wants to be left alone to think, he wants others to talk and brainstorm while he listens. On the surface, this is very House-like, but House loves collaboration. He asks questions, he shoots things down and modifies, he's the socratic method guy. And it's easy to forget this, because House never does in on purpose, but House is meant to be teaching the fellows. They're learning from him. House makes it fairly easy to follow his thought process, to see where he's at and what he's thinking. He argues and tells people why they're wrong and offers something new. Chase does not. He withdraws and absorbs and works it out on his own, and I think that would be his biggest challenge as a boss.

I can just picture Chase and Park and Adams trying to work something out, and Chase not giving them anything to work with because he's thinking. They're trying to argue and debate it, and he's just quiet, and so they run into a wall because they're being given nothing, and then Chase gets annoyed because he's not being given anything. He's not really a leader, he's a follower. He's always had someone else running things, driving progress. He's quite good at doing one-on-one mentoring (again, Park and Masters both get this), but teaching? That's different. That's something he has no framework for, and Chase tends to lash out and get bitchy when he's frustrated. I don't think he'd be a bad boss, but I think for a while, he very much has the potential to be a bad teacher.

[variousqueerthings]

I feel like I need to make a little rundown of everything UNIT and Kate Stewart has done since being re-introduced in s7, but I also want to finish watching classic!who so I can make that comparison more effectively. certainly in pertwee-era of doctor who there was some critique and analysis of UNIT's methods as a military group and that the doctor kind of had to work with them to begin with because he didn't have a working tardis (+ already knew the brigadier and UNIT from troughton-era)

liz shaw and jo grant both start with UNIT and both leave UNIT, partially after narratives where they're at odds with what the institution represents and how easy it is for it to abuse power and/or simply make bad choices to begin with (liz taking the doctor's side several times and eventually quitting, although with that slightly lazy--pseudo-feminist "she didn't want to fetch the teas" explanation given post-leaving when there was definitely a lot more going on for her than that, but I think that was the way the actress was feeling so I can see the meta reasonings in it, and jo figuring out that she believes in different ways of protecting the earth joining a radical group and yeah ok straight up getting engaged to that welsh guy after two days, but she was considering leaving before then anyway), and sarah-jane just enters spaces and acts like she belongs there and nobody knows how to tell her to leave, but she's frequently not on UNIT's side so much as the side of Truth (I say, we now enter fourth doctor era so we'll see)

but yeah, the brigadier was there from the beginning, and there's yates and whatshisface, so there's the humanising faces depicting UNIT as essentially for good from the get-go, despite episodes where they're definitely antagonists. but then reintroduced in nu!who s4 as... not quite comfortable to the doctor/partly as that season's narrative of how the doctor affects their companions for worse and inspires them to become soldiers. so they're not the bad guys in the same way torchwood of s2 were, but they aren't comfortable allies either

so now I'm on s9 and... dunno. they're not quite what they were at the beginning, and they're not what they were in s4. more than anything they feel like a get-out-of-jail free card for whatever writer needs to do something that would be easier to solve with a big handy institution with guns, but don't want to analyse the idea of a big handy institution with guns, so we're told that UNIT is "good" but I keep waiting for someone -- osgood and/or bingham -- to become that next liz shaw, and for kate stewart to be confirmed an antagonist based on said rundown I haven't made of her actions, which at best are often ineffectual and at worst some near-villain shit

rtd in the new specials continues writing UNIT the way it has been since s7 -- the same issues and questions about it are at the forefront, with a couple of new ones thrown in (an institution that's very diverse does not make it any less a paramilitary institution and in fact makes one highly suspicious of its propaganda campaign), but I hope he remembers some of the ways they caused problems during three's era, or the way his own original run at least complicated the doctor's feelings about them and I hope he ends up reintroducing those complications with fifteen but x 1000

and. kate stewart needs to become an antagonist. in my opinion. she'd make a very good antagonist, considering how much history there is between her and the doctor. that's another post though, but I want to make a list of every time KS has tried to deal with a situation with extra-judicial violence, because it is practically every episode she's in (if not every episode she's in)

I can buy the doctor feeling some kinda way, because UNIT was the brigadier, was liz, was jo, was yates and whatshisface (sorry I have forgotten his name), was a time where they were stuck and in need of help and UNIT did help them, and then it was also martha and now mel... the doctor built real personal connections with UNIT, but as a structure it is hiiiighly dubious At Best and fully just no-good the majority of the time

[just-here-for-the-art-shit]

I know this isn't something I'd usually post, but I would really appreciate reblogs because I think people should read this.

Ok - so - I like to listen to very old radio shows, especially mysteries and thrillers. Some are very good, and some are hilariously bad.

There is this one that I listened to the other day that was such a perfect prediction of the future it scared me.

And so, Spoiler warnings if you want to listen to it for yourself.

And it's important to note: This is a story from 1942

It is Episode 20, "Beware of Tomorrow." The basic gist is it follows a scientist, the scientist's compatriot, and the main character, another scientist invited to the mansion/laboratory. The head scientist has created a giant, 300 pound robot, named Alber capable of "solving problems," but also, "obeying commands" as well as things like walking, talking, situational awareness, etc. It can "think" and solve problems you ask, but it still follows the orders of what programmed it to begin with.

Sounding a bit familiar yet?

Well, the very night the MC arrives, Alber kills the scientist and flees into the woods. The lab assistant says that it is too dark and dangerous to chase a robot through the forest with just the two of them. He explains for a while now that the doctor was planning to create an even better version of Alber, and that would eventually render Alber obsolete, and because "Alber can think on his own," he suggests that's why Alber killed the doctor.

They plan to contact the police in the morning, and will be able to take Alber out of commission because Alber needs to come back and charge his battery by the end of the night.

Well, morning comes, and the assistant guy is way, way too calm about this. He's just making breakfast, while the scientist's body is still just ... there. The MC returns to the lab, and just as suspect, Alber has returned and is in a sleep mode, charging. He takes this chance to look into what is going on and finds that the robot did not "think" about killing the doctor, rather, it was programmed to. You probably know where this is going by now but the lab assistant is revealed to be the one who did it, because he wanted to create stronger, more weaponized robots (at this point in time, America is still involved in WW2), but the doctor wanted robotics to aid people, not harm. Then the assistant had Alber kill the MC because MC refused to work on more "weapons," was going to tell the police, etc, end of story.

Once again, emphasizing - 1942.

They already knew the bullshit that was going to take place, hence "Beware of Tomorrow."

Now I'm telling this story because I'd like to talk about this in the modern day. There's tons of content, movies, books, theories, tons and tons of things that talk about the fears, issues, etc, of androids becoming sentient, conscious, and emotional beings. And just what they might be capable of. But what we see less of is what the REAL worry is, and what this story was trying to convey.

Truly, I do believe that technology, robotics, mechanics, were developed with good intentions by their originators. I think it is a good and wonderful thing - in the right hands.

But then ... It lands in the wrong hands. And that's when technology becomes dangerous.

We should not be worried about the progression of science and technology in itself, but the people behind it. Those that seek to control humanity by different methods, and you can name countless entities of such. That is what "Beware of Tomorrow" was saying.

A few things, one - the application of human emotions to Alber. The doctor's assistant was easily able to create a believable story that Alber must've killed the doctor out of jealousy and fear. So MC said, "Yeah, that makes sense." Because Alber can think, right? Yes, he can - but he does not think with emotion. We as humans are emotional creatures, and so we apply emotions often to even the most inanimate of objects. So it was quite easy to fool the MC with this explanation. Alber is a robot, but they, the characters, apply humanity to something that is not human. The doctor even gave Alber pronouns, he/him.

Often, we've come to fear technology out of this belief that they are human, and think as humans do. We fear that they will think for themselves. But truly, their "minds" are what they have been programmed to be, and the data they collect. They can obtain the logic of millions of people via the Internet, but remember, those are still our brains, not things it came up with on its own.

Two, as mentioned in the story, Alber's creator had good intentions. It was those (the assistant) that saw the potential for other things. We should be less worried about technology gaining sentience, and be focused on who is running the show, because they are the real problem, and they WANT you to disassociate the robot from the creator. For instance, say you're faced with a killing machine, like the hounds from Fahrenheit 451. It's dangerous. It needs to be stopped. Destroying it will solve the problem at the moment, but it is the people who are the problem, and nothing will stop until they are.

Three, the MC dies for refusing to collaborate with the assistant. This is a theme we see almost everywhere in situations where people are trying to make a change. For instance, ACAB. The police are a system, and those individual officers who want to "change" the system, to uphold what SHOULD be the purpose of serve and protect, well, what happens to them? They get fired, hazed, chastised, etc. Three things can happen from here - they can't beat the system so they join it. Or, they quit being a cop and move on to something else where they can actually do good. And third ... they die. Those who actually went out of their way to protect people end up dead.

While the story was about a robot, its real focus was society and its systems. Of the people in charge and the real problems we face. Robots wear the face of their owners. The good are shoved aside in the pursuit of progress. Safety isn't the number one priority. Money, greed, power all become the focus, and that's why we suffer. Which, I'm sure you already know. This isn't anything new - and that's what a story written in 1942 proves. And stories before that - stories all the way back to before man could even write. So keep your eyes on the real enemy. Don't let their ploys blind you.

[spacetrashpile]

ok so i wanna shout into the void about the life series idea my brain gave me at like 2 AM last night.

we borrow the random lives mechanic from last life, as well as the life giving mechanic.

everyone gets randomly assigned x number of lives, probably somewhere between 2-6 again but it doesn’t super matter. all that matters is everyone knows how many lives everyone CAN get.

everyone gets randomly assigned their number of lives, but they don’t get a name color. instead, everyone’s names stay white, and you know only how many lives you have for certain. of course everyone CAN tell other people how many lives they have, but there’s no way to confirm what other people tell you.

there’s no boogeyman, and the killing rules technically stay the same as third and last life, but because no one knows anyone’s colors- not even when they go red- there’s no way to call someone on it. you just have to trust they’re playing by the rules (everyone’s been pretty good about this in the past, and none of them are actively malicious. plus kills would have to be limited until you died at least once, because you can’t start red).

the biggest intrigue of this season (to me at least) would be the life giving mechanic. giving a life would be the easiest way to reassure someone you were telling them the truth, because you must be CONFIDENT in yourself in order to do it, but it also requires you to trust them. this is a season that requires so much trust that is sometimes quite difficult to get in the life series. i think it would leave everyone walking on weird alliances and eggshells, like an even tenser version of the yellow truce in limited life.

the biggest problem here would be spoilers from the fandom. it would be ridiculous to expect people to not touch their comments or fandoms or what have you for weeks to avoid spoilers. so here would be my proposal to stop that: instead of filming a session each week and putting it out in the same week, all of the sessions are recorded in one period of time, however long that takes, and start coming out once a week once the game is done. this would probably help solve some scheduling issues the life series tends to have to- if there’s no weekly timeline, they can film whenever everyone is free. and it would give people more time to edit their episodes! it would just generally give everyone a lot more grace.

and the OTHER thing: this would be a stupidly easy way to avoid nameMC spoilers, which it seems ccs are either becoming more aware of or more annoyed by lately. not only would people not necessarily be looking (necessarily. i won’t say i don’t stalk nameMC outside of series sometimes just to see what everyone’s up to, lol.) but skins would also be a spoiler to your fellow players! i mean, sure, you COULD change your skin to try and reassure other people, but no one would know if you were being truthful, and even if you were, is that necessarily the best strategy? don’t want to put a target on your back by broadcasting such a secret.

idk what this one would be called, maybe false life or secret life or something, but i genuinely think it would be super cool. like obviously i don’t expect this to be a thing we ever see cause i’m just a guy shouting into the void of my tumblr, but i know people predicted last and double life before they happened, maybe grian’s got a secret tumblr and is looking for ideas. if that is the case i give you blanket permission to use this lol.

[caughtthedarkness93]

So my first ex was pretty awful. It was my first relationship, and I was an impressionable autistic teenage boy who wanted to be loved, but didn't know what healthy love looked like, didn't know how to set clear boundaries, and felt I was so unworthy of love that the instant someone actually offered it to me, actually showed me genuine interest, I leapt at it, first nervously, then enthusiastically.

She was sweet on the surface. Bubbly, energetic, about a head shorter than me if not more. Absolutely adorable. Loved animals. She was also controlling, manipulative, and could be quite vindictive. Whenever something didn't go her way, she found a way to make it someone else's problem. She would make huge decisions that affected both of us without talking to me about them, once deciding we needed to go on a break and declaring that it was happening without having even alluded to the possibility beforehand.

And when I finally dumped her, she raised such a fucking stink about it. Sent me passive-aggressive messages on Facebook for months. She left a letter at my door on Christmas Day that I never read, but my mom and my sister did - according to them, it had a bit about her falling in love with my autism before she fell in love with me. She told people we mutually knew with a kind of hate and venom in her voice that people weren't used to from her that one day I would "Realize my mistake and come crawling back to her."

Every time I'd say something that even alluded to the possibility of a breakup, she'd set into a routine about how she needed me, how if I left her, she'd never love again. Her happiness was dependent on me. If I left her, I'd be condemning her to a lifetime of loneliness. She'd do this even after we'd discussed after she'd seriously crossed a line with me (The break) that it was a second chance and things needed to change. It succeeded at guilting me into sticking around for a really long time.

That was the kind of relationship this was. It's a lot of prelude, but I want my experience in this relationship firmly established when I say that probably when she tells this story, I'm the bad guy. In fact, I am downright certain that I am because I saw her social media posts and she talked about it in vague terms. I don't know how she's made me the bad guy, I don't know what specifically she says, but I know she's talked about the guy she went to prom with in negative terms.

And I'm the only date she ever had to prom.

I am the villain in her story. And it's hard to learn to live with that. Wherever she is, whatever circles she runs in, there are probably people who believe her side of the story - after all, they've not met me, they have no counterpoint for the vision of the monster she's made me out to be.

Learning to be ok with that was hard. But I also found it super easy to just...look at her social media accounts every now and then. Tempting even. I did it a lot. Even now, writing this, I feel a curiosity and a temptation to look again. And I think I know where it comes from. A part of me still wants to see her regret her choices or be humbled. It's hard to look at someone who hurt you that badly and not still feel pained or a little angry.

But the best thing I ever did was block her from everything. I don't see stuff from her anymore. It doesn't solve everything, and of course, it took work to get past that reality.

But it has helped a lot.

unavoidable that you will be the villain in someone else's story. You will be painted in an unfavorable light. You will be the irredeemable one. and all of this will happen despite how nice you might usually be or how kind or how respectful or how warm. and you will just have to move on.

[kakahut]

Before 2025...2024, A year of clearance? 

When I was driving my scooter after my third shift at Lululemon XTD store as an Educator AKA sales girl at 11:45pm, passing by downtown fuilled with young ppl waiting for countdown, I was happy this year was over.

Shanghai seems to be back into that glorious city I once remembered. On the last night of 2024, the store doubled the daily sales, ppl love the new year collection and we sold out all inventory in just couple hours. 

Are ppl hopeful about the future? At least for the wealthy ones there is nothing to worry about. 

As for me, I am entering the “oh shit , I am turning 40” club. SUPRISINGLY!!!! I could never be happier. No one told me I could feel so much freedom when I get old. Everyone was like, oh, if you are not married and old, you are a fucking failure. That’s the biggest lie in the entire world! 🌎 

Ppl were like, if you don’t have a job job, you are a fucking failure! That’s the second biggest fucking lie in the world!🌎

In 2024, I didn’t go back to a corporate job, I started my own company, (not super sure what am I going to do with it yet), I helped Dan made 6 times of revenue growth on his shopify store, and I started a video podcast with Iva, my old time classmate from Upenn who is already a quite successful business woman ( thanks to that wedding in Spain of another Penn friend so we had a chance to reconnect) , and and and my first art exhibition is gonna come in January, finally, now also I am selling pants @ lululemon ( never owned any their shit but why not selling bunch to others?).

Wow, I did so much things! Is that the reward the universe has given me when I choose to finally say fuck off to social norms? 

Yet, it was not an easy journey. Last summer ( 2024), I was so depressed and hopeless, crying on the same scooter on my way back to my place, that I had to stop somewhere to call Vincent to calm myself down. I didn’t know I never loved myself. I have told many ppl in my life that I loved them and acted on it, but I never really loved me. I hate Carol, I told Vincent if I were an avatar in the game, I would have changed to another one long time ago. Why can’t I just be someone else but Carol? 

I was startled by what I said about myself. That was the most brutal truth I have hidden inside for over 35 years. Many choices I have made in my life all make sense now!

I was so cruel to myself. I chose wrong jobs to prove I can do something I suck at, I chose the wrong men to love to prove I can overcome some bullshit I should not even take in the first place just to gain their unbeatable loyalty and love? 

I gave myself so much hard time for what? To prove I am a loser so I can hate myself for granted? 

I was overwhelmed for a second. I know I finally found the real problem.

So I decided to love myself. It’s not just some inspiring words ppl say on thier new year resolution list, it is the only solution I have at the moment except killing myself to solve the issue. I am going to explore how to love myself the way I explored how to gain love from Min, from Tommy, or from all the rest of “the men I once loved “ in my art collection. 

I need to love myself so I can have the power to change. I need to love myself so I can be complete. I need love, a lot of love and the first person who should give it to me is ME.

My perception suddenly changed just in one second. I finally had the confidence that I will definitely be ok.

Couple months later, I reconnected with Iva. We started to bound, and we started the podcast production. When filming our first episode, she asked me, if you went back in time, what would you have changed in Philly? I probably said I would date more guys. What I really want to say is I should have loved myself more and chosen more wisely of who I should have been involved with . I should have given myself more options when I was young. I should have focused more on what I want to become and I should have been more "selfish".

However, I don't regret anything I have done in my life. I never let the word "regret" to define me and "regret" is a word for weak people. My life in Philly was still the best time in my life. I missed all the connection I made there and I was glad I had a chance to reconnect with some of them last time I was in Europe.

That's another advantage of being old, you have so much good memories you can look back into.

I stopped writing to Min because I can't find any reasons to do that anymore. It has been 10 years and now I finally find the question and he will never be the one who gives me the answer. It's time to stop paying attention to this connection.

I will always miss him the way I miss all things happened in Philly but it was dumb to stand there alone moaning for something have been lost long time ago. I deserve more than that and that is not enough.

I don't love you anymore, Min. I decided to give this quota to myself. Please don't take it personal. :)

So that's a sign : I prefer looking within than seeking for external valiadation:

I honestly don't give any fuck about any man’s opinion on how I should live or express myself as a woman.

---( I don't even want to fuck any of them, I fuck myself. lol )

Yup, it took me 10 years to actually feel that way and I am not ashamed of it.

What is my goal in 2025?

To make more money so I will never ever ever go back to a cooperate job ever fucking again. I was so bad at making money because I never had money problem and I never cared that much about it. Now I just want more money so I can have the real freedom I crave. Dan seems to be a good business partner and hopefully our collab can be as good as 2024. I really appreciate this relationship.

To make a great podcast or we say to become an influencer. I believe the work and connection Iva and I are going to build will be a meaningful one. We will make a lot good episodes and we will make a lot good connection and it will become something meaningful in long run.

To be a good daughter. Me and my mum have never had such a balanced relationship. I want spend more time with her as I don't really know how long she will be there. Life is too short to hate someone who loved you so much and I am glad we find a balance in our relationship. It is much more healthy than it used to be.

To be a good cat owner. Sorry, still don't like children, I am a cat lady who lives alone.

To maintain the happy state by accepting I can't always be happy. I don't know what I am doing and I don't care if I know or not because life is unknown. Fear of unknown and try to control it is dumb. The only way to " control" future is to fully live NOW.

To keep loving myself. That's the most fundemental thing and that's the basis of everything. I am lovable, I am enough and I am amazing.

To enjoy being alone.

2025 is the new beginning, and it will also be "nothing new" ( yup, quote Taylor again)

I am so glad I am older and also wiser.

[cann1ballistic]

Hello!!!

I just wanted to say I’m a fan of your art!!! Both here and on twitter!!! Unfortunately I’ve never said anything before, I also don’t follow you on twitter because of the antis. It’s also why I’m dropping an anonymous ask instead of showing my account.

I’ve watched the trolls movies before but the third movie was what got me into looking for art and fiction cause I wanted to see more of Branch and his family. And new official content takes a long time to come out, so I decided to look for more content online since there are many artists and writers that are always creating more content!!! Sometimes it’s even better than the official stuff 😂!!! I was looking for more stories about Branch and his brothers growing up together and stuff like that, more family centered stuff.

I was however, a little surprised with the Trolls fandom base because of the antis, I’ve been reading and seeing art from different fandoms for many years now and so far, at least for me, I’ve never seen such intense anti pro shippers. In fact, I’ve never quite understood what the word meant before, I thought it had to do with problematic ships, which I thought had to do with shipping for example heroes and villains or if two people have a big age difference.

I never even realized that incest was part of it. In all the fandoms I’ve read stories that include incest before magic or technology or natural biology, etc solved all the problems. Same with age differences, some characters would be aged up. Villains would turn out to have tragic backstories or one of the supposed good guys was tricking the protagonist. And I never noticed people being overly vocal about it. I mean I knew there were antis out there but it never got out of hand. An example of that, at least for me, was the Harry Potter fandom, I never had problems with antis or feared being blocked by certain artists because of what I read or who I followed.

But with the Trolls fan base some artists are very vocal about it. If a certain artist sees that you follow a pro shipper artist or if they see you comment on any of their art or if you say anything about the subject that they don’t like you are immediately blocked!!!

And twitter isn’t very private, everyone can see who you follow, your likes, retweets, your comments, etc and that makes it super easy for the antis to block you immediately!!! To avoid that, any pro shipper art I like I bookmark it, since that is the only thing other people on twitter can’t see. I don’t leave comments or like the art, cause I know if any of the antis find out about it they will block you, screenshot your account and tell everyone to avoid and block you cause you are a pro shipper or neutral. And I really don’t know what a neutral is!!! I’m guess it’s someone that doesn’t care either way, I think?

The antis will also talk shit about you behind your back!!! I also don’t leave comments on the stories on AO3 and I’ve considered making a second twitter account so that I can follow the pro shipping artists from the Trolls fandom I like in peace but!!! I’m so paranoid about the fact that the antis will discover my original account somehow that I haven’t done it!!! Here on tumblr you can at least keep your likes and who you follow private.

There are so many amazing Trolls artists out there, unfortunately they are for the most part very outspoken antis, at least from what I’ve seen.

Sorry!!! I’m venting a little here, it’s just… for the longest time I was ok with whatever showed up in front of me, story and art wise. For me it didn’t matter the pairing or anything else as long as the story was interesting!!! I’ve read stories where the only thing in common with the cannon content was the names and appearances of the characters everything else was completely different and I was fine with it because the story was super interesting!!! And there’s also the fact that it’s FICTION!!! Just because you are ok with what people write or draw doesn’t mean you’re ok with it in real life!!! I mean there are authors out there that write horror, gore and murder mysteries but that doesn’t mean that they want to actually kill some in real life!!!

The Trolls antis got me so out of sorts that I actually had the balls (metaphorically speaking) to ask my psychologist if it was ok to like this sort of stuff!!! And I told them about the antis, liking stuff like incest art and stories, the whole just because you are ok with it in fiction doesn’t mean that you’re ok with it in real life, etc!!! And they agreed with me!!! Told me that I shouldn’t worry about it and that some people just take somethings to seriously!!!

So… Again sorry for venting, but I wanted to share my experience and opinion with you.

I also want to say that you and all the other artists and writers that are ok with pro shipping should keep producing your amazing content and ignore all those nasty antis!!! Cause you are amazing!!!

So please keep up the amazing work!!! And don’t let anyone get you down!!!

Thank you for the encouragement, i appreciate it! To be honest i’ve become so jaded over this topic in general that it’s nice to be reminded that there are people online who do in fact enjoy fandom more than starting slapfights lol (not scolding you for talking about it of course, feel free to vent!)

my own rant below the cut lol

I’ve found that a lot of fandoms with audiences who skew to the younger side tend to be the most combative, so it checks out that you’ve found the Trolls fandom to be like this. A stark example that i’ve seen is the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle fandom, specifically around the Rise of the TMNT series, which came out in….2018, i think? (i didn’t get into it til 2022 so idk) BUT fans have been shipping the brothers together in that fandom since the 80s and largely nobody bat an eye until Rise happened, and brought a lot of the younger crowd into it. NOW, suddenly it’s Too Far to ship characters that have been shipped since before most of the new fandom members were born 💀

a lot of these younger fans had the misfortune of coming into fandom around the same time that a lot of TERFs and other conservative types were getting REALLY vocal on here around 2015-2018; of course, they grow up into really conservative types who spread the same nonsensical rhetoric to those younger than them, and so on and so forth.

i cannot emphasize enough that NO fandoms were like this (on a wide scale) pre-2015. this is coming from my perspective as someone who had VERY vanilla tastes for most of my fandom career…the fact that the term proship even exists is a testament to how much fandom has changed; proship is a term that popped up as a reaction to people using Anti Shipper as a way to tout their fandom activism (derogatory) & purity politics.

(being Neutral, btw, means basically nothing afaik because being Proship means that you mind your business, and people who are neutral just say that they mind their business and want nothing to do with the entire argument. Antis call them pros and pros also call them pros so idk how it’s even useful as a label 🤷‍♀️)

ALSO I FEEL THAT SELF DOUBT!! talking to your therapist was a good idea though, it’s good to get a reality check when you need it, haha. I had a moment several years back where i was questioning why i, as an adult, was into a fandom whose target audience was teenagers, before i realized that it’s not that deep and you can do what you want forever lmao

I would love nothing more than to dismiss the entire pro vs anti argument if i’m honest, but i can’t ignore the real life abuse that comes from it. I understand why you’d be afraid to be public with your opinions; especially on a garbage website like twitter, where reporting accounts only ever seems to work for the wrong people 🫠

The best way to do fandom has always been and continues to be to find your group of friends and be insane with them. (AND TO BLOCK LIBERALLY!) I hope you can find some people to chill with 🫂

[malika-carnelian]

💘 HEART WITH ARROW — what and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them?

💛 YELLOW HEART — how many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any?

🤔 THINKING FACE — what are some of your oc's quirks/mannerisms?

🤓 SMILING FACE WITH GLASSES — is your oc chatty or quiet? are they at ease in social situations, or are they more shy?

😥 SAD BUT RELIEVED FACE — is your oc prone to getting stressed out, or is it easy for them to keep their cool?

💘What and/or who do(es) your oc consider the most important to them? What Malika consider is the important thing of all is loyalty: this can exist towards many kind of relationships. Familial ones, romantic ones, friendly ones, really many! As for who she consider the most important for her, considering the "present" in the main verse (which is TFPrime) surely are Optimus, Ratchet, Wheeljack, Arcee and Smokescreen, while from the human side of the Team, surely Jack (this one goes with a headcanon of mine), Thalia, Agent Fowler and her uncle. There is also that crazy butt of Blaze... buuut it's a very strange friendship she has with that cybertronian guy XD.

💛How many languages does your oc speak? what language(s) are they learning, if any?

Malika speaks American (even if she do some mistakes in the pronounce sometimes), Greek (native language), and she is trying very HARD to learn cybertronian as well... Watch her fail during the process-

🤔 What are some of your oc's quirks/mannerisms?

One of Malika's quirk is that she very much looks like to be ok with everyone, showing an affection that seems to be kind of innatural, which, heh, it is. Malika doesn't really love everyone, she is just playing the part of "being kind and affectuous" so that she can avoid problems, but if this doesn't work, then harsh way of solving things may happen.

🤓 Is your oc chatty or quiet? are they at ease in social situations, or are they more shy?

It depends, she can be both: quite chatty when with friends, teammates and particularly in a good mood, or very quiet if focused into work or her own thoguhts (positive or negative).

😥 Is your oc prone to getting stressed out, or is it easy for them to keep their cool?

She is very prone to getting stressed out: Malika does try to keep her cool when situations are beginning to be very stressfull, but with very little results. There are times when she is so stressed that preferes to be alone and not be bothered from anyone, other times instead, when she can't afford to stay alone, she can become quite nervous or harsh into speaking. Then the last level of stress: fainting because of it, a complete shut down of her own poor brain lol.

@13urningstars

[bdbdhdjdhdh]

My Hero PSLE: S4E5 "Simi sai"

"Sir, enemy at six o'clock and incoming fast!" "Singlish mode, lah!" "Sir, *deep breath* chao ang moh, at lok kom, yao lai liao," "Wa lao eh! Why you never early tell me!"

-mrbrown

"So. We're back at this. wretched. place. Really. Ok Grandmaster use your divine reality warping power or whatever and just boom boom bakudan the robots so they'll let us in ok?"

Wa lao eh. Now Rainslasher in a serious mood after the whole having to escape and then come back again shit. Wa sian leh.

So anyway Grandmaster use his reality warping power again and they went into thar cursed place again. Oh lord.

Then they decided to somehow un-brainwash all these people to get the power of friendship to defeat this god dang Exuvia.

But like how the hell are you supposed to un-brainwash someone? Well, easy-there has to be at least someone out there who wasn't buying all this propaganda shit their education system spoon-fed, well what a resemblance to real-life society in terms of propaganda that is and not believe their lies and set up like their own rebel system secretly, ya know?

Well, actually there might be one leh. But that's the problem, dear reader, if you're currently staring at the screen, screaming for Grandmaster to just use his reality warping power to un-brainwash them-he can't. He can brainwash and hypnotise someone, but he can't un-brainwash them. Useless shit-

Anyway. Maybe he can use it to find out who is the guy rebelling, right? Ah, but now we have three problems:

1) He can only erase their memories after they unveil who he is. Meaning they'd have to put back their masks immediately after, meaning that since literally everyone looks the same right here, they won't be able to tell who he is.

2) His powers don't really work on gods: the one ally they actually need. Stupid ass-

3) He's too lazy to use it. Kenasai-

So using reality warping isn't an option. Frustrated, Xiao Ming and gang decide to go to some café shit operating near the street.

Then they all sit down as gracefully and eloquently as that one group of p1 boys at McDonald's screaming: "OMG MOMMMY MOMMY MOMMYYYYYYYYYY I GOT THE HAPPY MEAL TOYYYYYYY" like ok shuddap, kid, no one cares bruh.

So anyway they didn't really order anything. They just sat there taking up a paying customer's seat and not paying, just here for he air-con lol.

Then suddenly like Ma Xiao Tiao, with his gigachad senses, picked up a vibration in the air and was like: "wait Zhi Hua summon a headset and computer or something,"

Then Zhi Hua blur.

"Aiya just summon it lah," Oh now Xiao Ming also pick it up with his Exuvia powers liao.

Proof that Ma Xiao Tiao the gigachad's power can rival Exuvias-

Anyway only after Xiao Ming said to summon it then Zhi Hua did, like "OHHHHHH OK," *summons item*

*Grandmaster immediately tunes in to the media or something with the computer and headset*

*Uses reality warping power so everyone can hear too*

*And no, without the headset, he can't hear it, so reality warping doesn't solve everything*

Well in the message given there was *quite a lot* of feedback, so this was all they could decipher:

"******standby*******we gather at******strike at******Heavenly Lord*******Chrysalis*******"

And then finally one sharp message it was like all the feedback scared and retreated:

"KILL ALL THOSE WHO ARE OBSTACLES ON OUR PATH TO FREEDOM."

[spacetrails]

The Engine Room

Infinite expanses zipped by, the stars along our path glimmering through the purplest of darks, their rays rained by, lighting every corner filling the desolate space. Our ship carried on, journeying through the abyss, furthering our exploration deeper into its mainly unexplored oasis teeming with life.

Kleef hummed reading various things on their tablet “Lopasis-” “Yez.” “-Given that we are closer to our destination would you mind collecting Rousptera?” “Happily.” “Oh, Lawrence-" “Yea?” “You mentioned wanting to see the engine room before, correct?” “Uh, yea? I think so?” “Well, this would be an opportunity to, if you would like of course.” The happy purrs hit the translator as Kleef smiled widely.

Looking over to Lopasis, who waved, I in turn shrugged “It does sound fun.” Standing up Nottalish gave a farewell as I followed Lopasis out. As the doors closed, the sounds of talking got picked up “Who do you think will get first rotation?” “Given. We. Have. A. New. Member. One. Of Us. Is. Guaranteed. To. Step. Off. With. Them.” We could always play a game to settle ‘t" “WHAT! NO! You two always get higher than me and I always lose first.” The exchange halted as we stepped by.

“Hello, all. Vhat might be the problem?” Lopasis started, the others standing around the table looking at the recent report. “I, wanted to know who would touch the planet first.” “As. Such. Scormadol. Proposed. A. Game. And. Alto. Disagreed.” “Only because you guys are better than me and I always lose first.” “T'en learn t’e game, ‘nstead of do'ng t’e same tactics.” “Easy for you to say, you basically own all the board games, and you love playing them.” Alto pointed a wing to Scormadol and Bett. “Can I make a suggestion?” I asked hoping this would help.

The room silenced as all eyes stared at me ‘Maybe letting them argue was for the better?’ Gulping I steeled myself before taking a breath “Back on Earth, we have a game, used to solve a lot of situations like this.” “You do, what is it? How do we play? Wait do we have to install it into the ship?” Alto pipped up, quite ecstatic for the game “OK, so it’s fairly simple. It’s called rock, paper, scissors. You all count the three, and on three you throw out rock, paper or scissors. Also by throw I mean-" I gave a demonstration of each sign and their title “-please don’t actually throw things at each other. Also rock beats scissors, scissors beats Paper and paper beats rock.”

Each one stared, processing the words “So. Like?-” Bett, extended a hand flat out “-Paper?” “Yep, but you don’t have to announce what it is every time you play.” “Are you go'ng to be play'ng as well?” Scormadol questioned, hand shifting between the three playing options “Nah, I think it will be more fun with you three.” “whats that supposed to mean?” Alto asked raising a wing ‘Ahhh. Right no fingers.’

Before I could backtrack Bett announced “Alright. Let’s. Play! Rock!” raising their hand high “Paper!” Scormadol followed also raising their shifting hand “Scissors!” Alto exclaimed happily raising a wing. All three threw down their appendages, two flat hands and one wing, each stared at the other before both looked at Alto. “I? Won?” They questioned golden eyes beaming at me. Before I could answer Scormadol and Bett cheered loudly. “Bestly. Won. Alto. To. Think. You. Would. Predict. Us. Both!” “Truly never m’ss'ng a ‘’nt of movement no matter the game!”

Lopasis clapped making me clap as well “Amazing zhov Alto. Ve muzt tell Rouzptera of zuch a game.” They happily swayed from side to side. Alto looked at everyone as they spoke, settling back to me again “You did amazing, a double win on your first try is a lot of skill.” They jumped happily giving out loud hoof like clicking sounds “I did it I won! I’m the-” their happy flapping stopped as they dropped “-What was the games name again?” “Rock, paper, scissors.” “ROCK, PAPER SCISSORS CHAMPION!” they exclaimed loudly resuming flapping. “You really mastered the game quickly Alto. Quite impressive for a first attempt.” “It sounds much fun is had.” Deep squeaks got picked up as Rousptera approached.

Their black and purple frills freely floated along with each step, stopping they hovered atop their head “That ve are, ve vere also on our vay to zee you.” Lopasis quickly chimed in. Stopping a few feet from all of us they tilted their head, frills dangling yet never fully falling downward “Something wrong?” Their frills shook slightly, seemingly vibrating in reaction “Ah, no. We, well more so me, but I guess Kleef said we could go. So, we, were going to come see you.” “Is that not what Lopa said?” “It.. Is, just more words. But I did want to say nothing was wrong, and kind of forgot to mention that part.” A happy squeak was their response, followed by a few others. “Glad nothing wrong.”

Their frills seemed to relax, shifting slowly laying closer to their head. Silence fell as Rousptera tilted their head again “What game played?” “Oh, rock, paper, scissors. You make a. Hm.” “Hm?” They returned my hum “Sorry, just thinking how to better explain. Ok-” Tapping my fist into my palm I started “-So, your hands.” “Hands” They raised their hands. “Um, so closed hand is rock. Open hand is paper. And two fingers are scissors.” Rousptera stayed silent, slowly moving their hands “I think understand?” “Vould you like to play? Lavernce and I could challenge you.” “You would?” “I would?”

Happy squeaks followed as their frills vibrated quickly and their tail tapped the ground “So, hands. Rock, paper, scissors. Any else?” Their squeaks mixed with laughter blurring the translation slightly “Well when you play, you have one of the three options. Rock beats scissors, scissors beats paper, and paper beats rock. Say the three things, use one of the options and try to win.” Rousptera stayed silent before nodding “Alright, ready?” “Ready.” “Az am I.”

‘Ok, so up against two different people, aliens? Crewmates.’ “Rock.” ‘And I just have to guess how to win.’ “Paper.” ‘Wait win, do I need to win? It’s just a game, right?’ “Zcizzorz” ‘I’ll just throw something random out then.’ Three hands fell, each one of the options “Who won?” Rousptera asked, as Lopasis looked to me “In situations like this, we don’t have a winner. So, we call it a tie.” “Tie? What now?” “Well, from there we just leave it or keep trying until there is a winner.” They looked to each other then to me “Y-yes?” “Vell, vhy not zay ve all von?” Looking back at both then to Scormadol and the others “I guess? It doesn’t matter who wins here, so sure. We all won.”

“AHA!” Alto yelled jumping atop the table “WE ARE THE UNDEFEATED DOUBLE DOU!” “Quartet?” “QUARTET!” Rousptera aided squeaking happily after “It is fun game. Like much.” “YEA, AND WE’RE THE BEST!” “Nov Alto. I vouldn’t zay bezt. Ve are juzt undefeated.” “WHICH IS BEST FOR ME!” A wing pointed up as they hoof like sounds resounded loudly. “We. Can. Play. Again. To. See. Who. Is. Truly. Undefeated.” “’ see no problem w’t’ t’at. W’at say you Lawrence?” “What?” Alto shrunk slightly “Hmmm, I guess another group game to see who among us are actually undefeated.” “Wait.” “Oh yez, truly it vould be quite fun znipping to the final vinner.” “H-hold on.” A wing raised, this one waving like a flag “I would like a proper match, no holding back.” Rousptera glanced? To me then back to Alto smiling widely showing of the wide rows of teeth once more.

Slowly stepping down from the table Alto looked like a mix of a caught child and a sad puppy “Maybe, just being Undefeated Quartet is good enough.” “Maybe so Alto.” Rousptera chirped happily. “So, was there any else you wanted?” they looked? To our direction “I vas only told to collect you az ve are nearing our destination. You are not immediately needed az of yet.” “Ummmm. I guess I did want to see the engine room?” Rousptera smiled, more so a smile formed as more teeth shown under, various sharp rows of teeth. “Oh! Do come, we must see!” their frills basically vibrated wildly as their tail thumped the ground rapidly “O-oh, like right now?” “Yes. Unless, need something?” “No. Just-” Glancing to my crewmates it felt weird to just go again “-No we can go see it, I’ll catch up again after.” “Catch up? Like that condiment?” “That’s.. That’s ketchup, just take it as we’ll talk more after.” “A’, t’en. ‘ave fun.”

Nodding and waving happily, I followed after Rousptera down the hall. Taking a better view of their build the light grey colour seemed to darken near where suit met skin, while barely taller than me they do seem to be smaller in frame, their tail seemed to hover; never really move or sway. The tail itself was rather interesting, it extended a foot from their spine, reptilian shaped yet kept a general width until rounding at the tip. Looking around the doors and walls passed by as we got to the split, taking the right side we continued downward, following the same path I had. Near the end we came to another turn, this one converged with the two splitting paths, as a door laid in the middle. Rousptera placed their hand against it, as a light flash appeared below it before the door slid open.

Everything looked so foreign and alien, even for a ship I could barely understand what I saw, the normal blue light had been replaced with a dim yellow glow. It felt like standing in an abyss, leading to somewhere else. Stepping in Rousptera quickly stated “Duck low.” “Duck?” my head hit the door frame as I stepped in “Ah, duck low.” The first to piece together was the walls, it felt like the hallway closed inward as we entered limiting our movement, with circuits on either side as we continued in; only to open up into a dome like shape after a few steps.

In the very middle was a spiral shell like engine, its yellow colour both laid and lightly illuminated the dark area. Circling around it, I tried to take note of how it might function. The shell like design was smooth, void of any screens, tables, wires or anything that told how it is used or works. “Ok-" “Ok?” “-Can I ask how it works?” Teeth shown wide and clear, even in the low light of this place, as happy squeaks sounded off “Would love to. What like know?” were barely translated out amidst it all.

Looking around I took in the whole area. “Ok, so this being the engine. is the powerhouse. But how does it make the power?” “Colliders within room are filled with waste like materials, that by themselves do nothing. But hold power within.” The translator prescribed giving a general sense of their words. “Materials are rotated to nine centrifuges, each used to open and store waste, as well as power held.” They walked, going behind a panel? “Follow through.” A tail waved as they continued ‘Cute.’

Following behind, the panels were much less cluttered of wired, now just a smooth enclosure of colours, blipping in and out of existence. “Right step high.” “hi?” my leg barely clipped something moving by, “Left turn, three steps.” “Left?” we turned “Duck." “Goose.” Ducking, I spotted a white blur crawl across the ceiling. Rousptera stopped “Goose?” “Human joke.” “Ah.” They more so squeaked rather than said before continuing. “Now it would be. 2, no 3. Here is problem.” “Problem?” “Left arm Half raised, turn. Hmm.” “Hmm?” I rotated my hand “Ah perfect rotate, 15° by 10°” “Umm? Here?” “Lower 2° and tap wall with pointer holder. Yes perfect.” A drive extended from the wall with a red blip.

“Kindly grab, carefully. Perfect, transfer to right hand. Extend full upward height. Perfect, 32° and Hmmm.” “Hmmm?” “You don’t reach the height yet. Just 7° lower than should be for height.” “Oh? So just-" Raising up I gauged the missing height “-Here right?” “Hmmm, yes perfect. Can be placed there.” The drive slotted and a blipped blue “Overflow slotted, 0.001% increase. Thank you Lawrence, this will help greatly.” “You’re welcome, we actually have a saying for percentages.” “Oh?” They squeaked “Even 1 one-millionth, of a percent, of a chance is still a chance. So why not strive for it.”

They grew silent, frills vibrating rhythmically before they stopped laying flat on their head “What an impressive saying. Quite deserving for such a species.” “Such a species?” “Yes, heard various names. Most common faith defier, or death walker.” “Yea no, that checks out.” “What were talking about?” “My height I think?”

With a quick squeak they nodded “Your height and arms length don’t match, were you perhaps malnourished growing?” “No? Not that I can say, I was rounder when I was younger, but once college came around and I actually wanted to interact with people, I guess the weight dropped. Well I might be skinnier now, after ECLIPSE, it did feel like a boot camp the entire time.” “Hmmm.” “Hmmm?” “If may, might measure?” hands held upwards as the question was asked.

‘Measure?’ “Ummmm, sure?” They stepped closer, hands held out for a moment hanging in the air, before slowly moving to rest on my hips. Stepping back quickly a glare broke free “What are you doing?” “Measuring? It is easier to gauge bipedal height when using pelvic and spinal recording.” They held their own waist, patting up the side briefly “Apologies if cause harm.” “N-no. No harm caused, was just caught off guard.” Relaxing we both stood there in silence.

‘Did I make it awkward? Well technically, but also it was a mutual misunderstanding that made it awkward. Then do I say something, well what would be a thing to-’ “Apologies for distress.” They softly spoke looking away from me. “Oh, no need-” “But is not proper thing after cause of worry?” “Worry? Did you think I was worried?” Tilting their head, a small pip squeak left them. “I had made you feel unsafe and made you require guarding. It was wrong, and I do feel I must apologize for that.” These translations were much clearer as Rousptera spoke quite slow, rather than squeaks it was a low rumbling hum; it felt calm and safe. Smiling I waved a hand “Alright, I very much accept your apology. So please stop apologizing.” Half joking as it was starting to feel a bit one sided.

Happy squeaks filled the room as their tail tapped the ground, black and purple frills vibrated and grew? Seemingly stretching a foot from their scalp almost looking like a fern had grown atop their head. “I am glad to have not caused discomfort.” Were picked out among their happy sounds “Like I said, was just caught off guard. I mean you have surprisingly soft haandss-” The words were said before I could stop myself, as I looked at the smooth face of Rousptera waiting for the words “Soft handss?” ‘Please don’t make me explain this’ “What does that mean?” They followed up with another squeak.

“Oooooook. So to quickly answer, so to not say anymore words. I had thought, a species that, relied on touching and sensing things would have. Rougher hands from. Well, constantly touching things. So, when they were soft I was surprised.” “So softness caused caughting off guard.” “Yes, let’s go with that to end this quicker.” “Ah, would rough-” “Do. We need to discuss. Textures and what might or might not startle me?” Tilting their head squeaking “No, but it is rather funny.” “… Wait did you know about soft hands, or are you just finding this interaction funny?” “Hmmmm, well the interaction is funny. But now I am curious what more there is to know about soft hands?” “Nope.”

Their frills shrunk? While still vibrating “Have I caused a problem?” “Not a problem, I just don’t want to get into soft hands right now.” “Might we talk of them another time?” I looked at Rousptera, ‘Are? Are they messing with me? Is this a thing they will try to discuss later?’ “Sssssssuuurrrre? But don’t randomly ask about it, ok?” “Can I randomly ask about dog people?” “You know what, if it stops whatever this is. Sure.” Squeaking happily before turning and walking they stated “Perfect. I cannot wait.” ‘What?’ “What?” “What?”

I wanted to question what was meant by that, but before I could they turned continuing to walk “Right, colliders and power showing.” Were squeaked out as their pace quickened, our path continued, until it widened slightly “Here is centrifuge-” They tapped a lining of glass that jutted out of the wall, “within materials are held, pressure is applied and released energy is absorbed and stored. From there-" They pointed from the glass upward “Sent to various parts of ship.” “So this ship needs all nine to traverse?”

A flurry of squeaks hit my translator “No, no. Ship much too small to require all nine. Only five get used, others are for reserve. Well, five and main unit in middle that houses its own set of materials and power.” “Wow, this is all really interesting to learn.” “Thank you, was a nice thing to build.” Pausing I looked around “Just. How much did you build?” “Just engine room, ship was mainly carcass when given. So when joined I made in charge of mechanical repairs.” “Oh, so you would be the wrench?” “The what?” “Human joke.”

Pointing down a path they squeaked “Can show other centrifuges, but they all do the same.” “Hmmm.” “Hmmm?” “What were those things crawling about?” “Things? Crawling? Oh, mean helpers?” A hand extended out touching the wall, a few seconds passed before a green outline of their hand appeared “Have called.” Waiting I began taking more note of where we were; it still seemed behind the panel, there were blipping lights of various colours on either side of us, the ceiling held pipes and wires that never intersected, and a small little round ball hit my foot. ‘Wait?’ looking down the ball grew four legs as it scuttered around me and Rousptera.

“These are what you called things crawling. Maintenance helpers I made, they help maintain engine room when gone.” “Quite a fitting name for a fitting job.” “It would seem so.” Happy squeaks followed, as the bot circled around me “curious little thing?” leaning down I patted it absentmindedly “They are, always searching for something different. Like to find and record changes to be made. Gives something to do every time come here.” “Sounds like you always have something new.” “Yes" the frills vibrated and grew with the reply.

“Cute.” “Cute?” “I said that aloud didn’t I?” Nodding, then tilting their head they waited as I stood “Are? Are you wanting an explanation?” “If possible.” “I’ve done this to myself. Alright, you… well your actions are cute, kind of like? A large toy? Or giant dog?” “Is this like-” A beep sounded as the helper skittered up a wall “Oh a distraction.” “Distraction?” “Yep, and speaking of. I’ve been distracting you.” “Distracting me?” “Double yep. Kleef had wanted to see you, and I have been prolonging you.” “Prolonging?” “Triple yep, so let’s go before we keep stalling.” I turned walking directly into a panel, almost stumbling before something soft caught me.

Looking up a grey abyss opened as somewhat reflective teeth shown, squeaks hit my ears as hands refused to move, just holding me in place “Are you alright?” “Yea? Just didn’t think before walking. I think I’m tired of thinking?” “Shall we return to the others?” “I think so?” Standing up I gave a general check of myself ‘Ok, so no blurred vision, or double vision. Not swaying, no pain or adrenaline. So just winded myself.’ “Alright, maybe you should lead again. You did build this place.” Squeaking happily they turned, tail tapping every few steps, “Are you sure alright?” “Yes, I am quite sure, thank you.” The tapping increased in intervals, it was fun to watch on the trip back.

Not even attempting to learn or memorize the area, we reached the entrance or exit in this regard. Stepping through the familiar same old basic hallway, down the same old right path, past the same old doors felt like a journey home; one that was both heightened yet interrupted as various crew mates approached, Kleef leading.

They smiled “Hello, did you get to see the engine room?” The words were friendly, yet the way they purred and the slight deep purple they shown, it felt weird “Yea, was interesting to explore and see everything. Impressed that Rousptera built it.” Smiling wider their colour became lighter blue “Oh, I am exuberated that you saw it. It was quite an impressive feat after they had joined.” “Thank you, captain.” They squeaked causing Kleef to shift slightly to a darker blue. “Rousptera, might I have a word?” The purrs held the tone again, while mixing with their normal friendly one. “Of course, captain.” Nodding to both of us before stepping towards Kleef “Thank you. Might you continue to converse with all, we shall be but a moment.” Smiling brightly Kleef’s colour never shifted, as the two stepped into the activity room.

Looking around no one seemed to react, well at least to them leaving, mainly flocking to me “You tvo vere gone for a vhile. Did you get to explore much?” “I think? We mostly talked?” “Rousptera. Does. Have. That. Tendency. Always. Wanting. To. Learn.” “T’at or teac’. Always test’ng t’’ngs.” “Yea, we walked through the panel.” “Oh, did you see the century fuses?” “Centrifuges? Yea, we made it to about one during all our talking.” “That doez alzo zound like Rouzptera, never one to ztick to one topic.” “Yea, it was nice the entire time, it was a weird place but with them there, it seemed so simple.” “Sometimes the most complex of things, are just many smaller less complex things working together.” Purrs beamed through as Kleef and Rousptera returned.

‘It doesn’t look like there was yelling. Nor any negative- Wait why am I going straight to negative?’ my thoughts got disrupted by my others thoughts “Yea, too much thinking.” “Thinking?” a squeak echoed as they joined beside Lopasis “Are you alright, Laverence?” “Yea… Just, lots of new things. Might need a moment.” “Moment?” They all asked in their own speech “…Yea. Like, just in my room?” “Oh?” various relieved sounds were exchanged in reaction “Of course, you are always free to seek refuge within your room.” Kleef quickly added nodding happily. “Do- do I have to ask before?” “No? Well, unless you want to state that you are moments before needing, a moment.” “Ah, I’ll keep that in mind then, thank you.” They all dispersed, leaving a path to my room with ample space “’f you need moments, no worr’es about tell’ng anyt’’ng.” “Oh, we could make a wave for moments?” “Another. Time. Perhaps.” The trio said, giving their own form of goodbye, returning to the activity room.

Waving I took a step, getting no reaction before taking another, followed by various others heading to my room. Stopping at the door I looked back at those remaining, each already heading their own way. “Um.-” They stopped, turning somewhat at me “-While I did get overwhelmed, I did enjoy everything I learned from everyone today. So thank you, and I am happy to be a part of this crew.” All parts of me screamed to open the room door, but I had to know “I’m quite glad you did.” Kleef started “I vaz alzo vorried ve may have been too forward in velcoming.” “Am glad happy, nice having.” Were barely translated among the vast amount of squeaking. ‘See, you’re welcomed here.’ “Thank you.” The words mumbled out with a nod as my door opened, stopping myself from running inside, I stepped in.

Closing there was a light hiss, silence filled my room as I stood by myself, it felt foreign yet similar; So many items, mixtures of mine, ECLIPSE, and the ship. Stepping from the door, items were slowly pushed to the side of the bed. Sighing as I sat, it comforted me taking some of the weight off “I am so tired.” The words grumbled past palms covering my face “The ship is so large, there’s so much. And everyone is just. So much better, 25k yea right.” Some items fell on the floor from my back hitting the bed “What even am I going to do here? I don’t even know what everyone can do, but it was all so, so much better than what I can even imagine. I can’t hit a target every time, or master tactics, bounce and track like that, or even build an entire engine room. An entire room, really?”

More objects shifted about and off the bed as my body rolled “What am I going to do here? Yea, I have the training. I guess, but it was nothing like that room. Or even had AR like this, even AR to begin with can’t compete to that room. How would I even survive, I don’t even know what we are going into, and yet. All of them are just going into it, just… Just…” The internal and external debate slowed down “Just winging things?” Sitting up slowly my mind started “Ok, so I don’t know anything about anything, yet I can kind of understand enough. So? Just keep winging it until I do?” Seconds passed as I debated the final words.

Deciding the floor was more stable I slid down, resting my back against the frame, my head barely laid at the edge of the bed “And what if I actually don’t know anything, and just put them in danger? My being here could be good or bad, but which one? I guess it’s too late to turn back?” Looking to the wall I remembered the darkened abyss, barely light by twinkling lights “Then if I don’t want to put them in danger, I need to actually learn things. They trust me, and I trust them. And all of them were so kind, but-” A dark thought drifted before being shaken away “-It would be a waste of time to do that, especially in space of all places. So just worry about what I can do to help them and myself.” Taking a few deep breaths my body relaxed, settled by the resolution found “I just need to start with learning what I can, then move forward from there.”

[hanzajesthanza]

@pilwsy literallyyyy .

it would be a joint effort, a prank created under both of their creative directions… angouleme only learns and successfully executes the required patience to pull it off through regis’ mentorship. when she floats the idea, he agrees to go along with it, to pretend like he never told her, but she has to wait it out, she can’t ask the question before he gets the gates to open, etc…

and it says a lot that these two were thinking about formulating pranks instead of strategies for how to attack stygga — both arrogantly thought they would easily come out on top, as both are very self-assured in their own powers. + “i’m too young to die nothing’s going to happen to me” and “i’m too immortal to die nothing’s going to happen to me”

coming to the conclusion that regis and angoulême are like that scene from jurassic park

[artzee-bee]

Best friend’s ex | Benny Weir x reader

Fandom: My babysitter’s a vampire

Request: “ Um if you don’t mind can you write for mbav? Something along the lines of the reader and Ethan try a fake relationship thing cause Ethan asked her to? Like to get to Sarah/ or get her attention. And everyone is shocked cause they thought Benny and the reader would date instead cause all 3 of them are childhood friends”

Genre:Fluff mostly but I guess a little angst torwards the end

Warnings: some arguing and also it’s LONG, don’t say I didn’t warn you

A/N: This has a little Ethan x reader too but over all it’s Benny with a guest apperence from jelous!Benny torwards the end (or at least that’s what I was going for)

~~~

“Wait, you’re dating?! Like for real dating?!”

 You clinged tighter to Ethan’s arm “Yeah, we are” but you weren’t. You didn’t want to lie to your friends and it was honestly making you kinda uncomfy but you were doing it for E.

“Ok so how long has this been going on for?” asked Benny. You and your entire friend group were gathered around his locker and you decided to break the news to them about your and Ethan’s “relationship”, which was all bullcrap. He had asked you a couple nights before to pretend. He was hoping it would get him closer to Sarah.

“Um, no more than a month” E said, trying to sound as confident as possible and doing a fairly good job at it. Of course you saw right through him but everyone else seemed to buy his act.

“Well that’s...interesting news” Sarah laughed awkwardly

“You think so? Why?”

The group went silent for a moment

“Well, just cause” Sarah started, nervousness laced into her tone “I mean I would have guessed that Benny and Y/N were going to get together eventually.” Rory and Erika just nodded in agreement while Benny tried to suppress a nervous laughter.

“I mean, come on guys” he said “ I’ve known Y/N for just as long as Ethan.” 

“Yeah, but you two just always seemed, I don’t know, closer?”

“Well” Ethan interrupted “ seems like you were wrong on that one.”

Suddenly aware of how rude she sounded, Sarah babbled some lame excuse and left quickly, face red from embarrassment. Rory and Erika left as well, each in their own direction, but not before congratulating the couple once more. Benny was the only one left.

“You good Benny?” E asked

“Yeah, I guess it’s just interesting seeing you like this”

“I hope you’re not mad or anything I mean we…” you were quickly cut off by Benny

“No, no, absolutely, not! I’m really happy for you guys! My two best friends are in love, that’s really cool!” A pink tint made its way onto your cheeks hearing Benny say “in love”, even though you knew it wasn’t true. E smiled at you and hid his face in your hair. You wrapped your arms around his neck and he placed his hands on your hips, swaying you two back and forth for a moment

“Alright, well I gotta go. Chem starts in a few” you told your boys and headed to class, not before hugging both of them and leaving Ethan with a quick peck on the cheek

As soon as you got to class however, you texted your “boyfriend”

“Think that went pretty well”

“I think so too. Everyone seemed to buy it!”

“I know!” you said and the conversation ended like that. 

You switched your attention back to your teacher, who was discussing your next assignment but even though your eyes were on her, your mind was replaying Sarah’s comment on repeat. You and Benny, huh? You couldn’t say you disliked the idea or that you’ve never thought about it. You’ve always felt different when hanging out with him compared to all your other friends.You felt more free and comfortable. You couldn’t stop the smile on your face from the fuzzy feeling you got just thinking about Bens and you together.

“So how long are we gonna be doing this for?” you texted Ethan. Now that you thought about it, you could never date Benny after this. The sudden realisation made your stomach twist in knots. He would never even go on a date with you if he thought you to be Ethan’s ex! Bro code or whatever but you couldn’t blame them!

“I don’t know for sure, I don’t see why it should last more than a couple months.”

“Ok” you didn’t mind helping E. He was a great guy and one day, some amazing girl is gonna see that and be all over him, even if it’s not Sarah! And he’s going to fall in love and have a beautiful wife and a happy family and this thing you are doing right now is just gonna be a silly high school memory to look back at. You tried not to overthink everything like you usually do and go with the flow, have fun.

It was surprisingly easy to do. Holding hands and occasional cheek kisses didn’t mean much and you never had a “proper kiss”, telling everyone you were simply not fans of PDA. It didn’t feel much like you were a couple, just closer friends. Touchier.

About 4 months down the line, you and Ethan go on your last “date”, which really just meant pizza night at Morgan’s.

“Thanks for all this Y/N, I know you didn’t have to and it might have been awkward at times but it means a lot that you went with it all this time” Ethan says sincerely while pouring you a glass of soda

“Don’t be silly E! You are one of my best friends. I would do anything for you.”

“Yeah but, now you and Benny won’t be…” he didn’t finish his sentence, as if he wasn’t sure if bringing this up was even a good idea or if it was gonna make you mad. You told E about your crush on your best friend not long after your first day as a “couple”. You couldn’t lie to him and quite honestly, you needed someone to vent to. The more you thought about Benny, the more it hurt and while you weren’t mad at Ethan for bringing it up now (you knew he had the best of intentions), it was putting you off

“Let’s not talk about that tonight” you said softly

“Right, yes, of course! Sorry” you giggle and reached out for your glass of soda, raising it up

“A toast!” you declared dramatically, making E laugh “To our breakup!” Ethan raised his own glass and clicked it with yours 

“To our breakup!” he said before you both took a sip of your drinks

You laid down on the couch, getting ready to watch Scare Finder. Your head was resting on one of Ms. Morgan’s decorative pillows and you placed your feet on E’s lap. He rolled his eyes at you and you giggled

“I love you!”

“I love you too babe” he joked before laying down next to you and wrapping you in a hug. The couch was a bit too small for the both of you to lay down side by side and you felt the left side of your body  hanging off the edge but E’s arms were around your waist, holding you and you felt safe

“Can we..” Ethan whispered nervously “can we keep cuddling during shows even if we aren’t boyfriend- girlfriend anymore?” 

“Yes of course” you giggled

“Good, cause this is really comfortable” he whispered in your neck

“I know, I love it too”

~~~

 Your breakup was a much bigger deal than you anticipated.Your friends seemed not only shocked, but heartbroken too. You didn’t tell them anything about why you ended your relationship, saying it was too early and you didn’t feel like talking about it but that you were still close friends and nothing was going to change

Things went back to normal afterwards, except now you were single and so was Benny and you couldn't help the invisible pull, dragging you closer and closer to him. Everyone of his silly jokes made you crack up and you couldn’t even be mad at him when his failed spells ended up in a big mess that you and the friend group needed to solve. You hadn’t realised how much you missed him until you broke up with E. Whether or not that relationship was real, it felt like a real reason to stay away from Benny. It felt like you were taken because everyone else belived you to be. You couldn’t make a move on him because everyone knew you to have a boyfriend but now you didn’t and you couldn’t help yourself from looking at B in a different light.

You were over at his house, helping him pack some herbs he had to organise for his grandma, as punishment for wasting all her old ones on some spell. You were stuffing dried leaves in tiny jars, while Benny was busying himself attaching little tags to them, with the name of each plant.

“Thanks again for coming to help me, you didn’t have to”

“Anytime Bens, you know I’m always here for you” you looked at him and smiled sweetly. He looked into your eyes and said

“I know, Thank you” you nodded and switched your focus back on the plants, hoping he wouldn’t notice the blush on your face. Lucky for you, he started telling a story that happened in his geography class and things slowly fell into their usual, casual place, at least up until you had to leave.

You placed the last little jar in its respective spot on the shelf

“I think this is it, right?” Benny asked

“It should be”

“Perfect, I’m in dire need of a snack. You want chips? I have some upstairs”

“No, it’s late, I should head home”

“Um, ok yeah. No problem” but none of you moved after that, you just looked at one other for a little bit, until the awkwardness got too much and you took your backpack and headed to the door

“Thanks again” Benny said right when you reached the door

“No problem” and then time froze again. You got lost in his pretty eyes and barely noticed his chest rising and falling faster with every second that passed until, you both found yourselves in each other's arms, kissing deeply and desperately, as if you’ve waited all your life for this. Your hands tangled in his hair, pulling at loose strands, his hands running up and down your back, bringing you as close to him as possible. All your senses were intoxicated with him and finally, the little pit in your chest disappeared. Your lips fit together like puzzle pieces but than, all of a sudden, Benny pushed you away aggressively

“No, I can’t do that!” his back turned to you, but you saw the red in his face and his hands went to his head, massaging the back of his neck just like you had been doing

“Benny…”

“No, no, you are Ethan’s ex and we can’t do that! I can’t do that!”

“B, listen to me!” you tried to step towards him but at your slightest movement, he jumped back, finally turning to face you

“Y/N, that was a mistake and I’m sorry! We shouldn’t have done that! It was a mistake” your eyes stung from the tears threatening to spill down your cheeks

“Don’t say that…” you could barely hear your own voice and were genuinely surprised when B replied

“Of course it was! As much as I wanted to do it and as right as it may have felt, it’s barely been a few weeks since your last relationship with MY BEST FRIEND and your best friend too and we can’t, I CAN’T do this to him! You, you guys dated and…”

“But we didn’t!” you said

“Of course you did, are you out of your mind?” Benny looked at you, teary eyed and desperate “I saw you, we saw you! Holding hands and cheek kisses! He had his arm around your back every moment of every goddamn school day and every time I wished it was me! He had all of you and he could hold you during movie nights and spend all his free time with you and kiss you and run his hands through your hair and everytime he did it I imagined that I was in his spot, hoping you would look at me with the same love and admiration that you looked with at him but now it’s too late! It doesn’t matter that he didn’t cherish you better while he had you because I still can not take you! I can’t do that to him!”

“Benny it wasn’t real!”

“What does that even mean Y/N?” he was yelling now, but you knew he wasn’t angry, just hurt. You saw the tears in his eyes and how hard he tried to stop them from running down his face.

“We weren’t ever dating! We just pretended!” the madness in his eyes turned to a question, an invitation for you to continue “It was all a show Bens. He wanted to impress Sarah. He asked me to fake a relationship with him.”

Benny leaned over the table, resting his body on his arms. He seemed to be thinking for a while, until he said “That’s a stupid idea”

You laughed “I thought so too when he told me” Benny seemed to think some more before saying

“Such an Ethan idea to have” which only made you laugh more

“So it was never real?” he asks you finally

“No! It was just an act” but even now, Benny couldn’t say anything. He was looking at his hands nervously. You took a deep breath and said the one thing you could think of

“He knows if that’s what you are wondering” the boy looked at you with questioning eyes again “Ethan I mean”

“Ethan knows what?”

“That I like you” Benny straightened and looked at you with soft eyes once more, you felt your cheeks heat up and turned to walk away but Benny quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you into him, holding you in a tight hug. 

“So, does that mean I can kiss you again?” a small smile tugged at your lips

“Please do”