#Gun did a FABULOUS JOB
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Now I have to talk about Ryan and Jane's exchange
I'm not done. The Bahmee drama spoken about, now I'm going to talk about Ryan and Jane. I love the confidence we have seen bloom in Ryan over the past 2 episodes, and the exchange we got today was just perfect.
Ryan is definitely concerned about harmony within groups. Now, whether or not it's very deep or just a touch pass surface level. I'll need to go back and do a second watch. However, when things are chaotic and emotionally unbalanced, that affects Ryan's ability to process and attend to his tasks. We can see that in this EP and clearly. He went to mediate and tried to neutralize this issue. Immediately.
(I do the same. When my friends or work group have an issue, my brain takes it as a threat, and I have to neutralize it. I'm a lot less soft-spoken than he is because of where I land in the hierarchy, but the threat of disharmony is addressed because I can't have that. We have to be in accordance, and y'all can't be doing the mostest where we hostess!)
So when Jane accuses Ryan of not doing his work well out of ill-placed jealousy, Ryan immediately has to put a stop to it because his brain can't even fathom it.
"Why didn't you pay attention to work at all today?"
"Huh?" (said softly) "Me?" (said with a hard stop sound) "I ran around doing the tasks you assigned all day!" (Now he's breathing quickly)
To Ryan, it feels like how dare Jane come in and carelessly say such a thing, and about needing to be radioed?
Ryan still got his job done that day and finds that thought so trivial in the face of everything else, so of course Ryan is now quietly enraged. Upset enough to throw it back on Jane, even gently.
"I should be asking what's wrong with you."
And it's such a tight well-delivered line (Gun the actor that you are!!) because now it's not just about Jane acting up, it's about what isn't being said. It's about the:
("I worked so hard! I did my work and damn it, despite there being a lot of moving parts that day, I did well asshole.)
"My friends keep fighting, my work was chaotic and it felt like you were bullying me all day!"
("Why don't you understand there was conflict happening between the teams today? You're supposed to be observant, I've seen you be observant! I've seen you be intelligent in chaos, and right now you aren't giving me any of that. I stepped up to be a good worker and friend today, that was mentally taxing. Give me some grace if I made a tiny mistake because I was anticipating forest fires!")
Ryan is now in a space where speaking out loud is forcing him to process his emotions and feel the weight that they have on his mind and heart. However, it's his first time doing that today, as he was busy trying to be a quiet problem solver for others. So he's upset and now it blends with his feelings about Jane. His joy, excitement, disappointment, trepidation, natural nervousness, all of it. His emotions are all swirling together, and he simply exhales all of his insides into:
"Do you think that just because I confessed my feelings for you, you can treat me how you want?"
("Today was bullshit bro. Do you really want to do this, because I don't have a lid to fit the size of this damn jar".)
#the trainee the series#gun atthaphan#off jumpol#this scene took me OUT#my hands are still shaking#my breathe is gone#Gun did a FABULOUS JOB#I missed his ability to EMOTE like this in Cooking Crush but he was PRESENT TODAY
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Some things can only be cultivated under pretenses [Satoru Gojo x Fem! Reader]
Summary: You were eight years old again, hiding from Satoru's parents in his treehouse. "Then you can marry me, silly!" You sat bolt upright. "Marry me!"
Author's Notes: My first ever anime/manga fic, 17.1K words of fake dating/friends to lovers/idiots to lovers that no one asked for!! The fic practically wrote itself. If you’re reading, I hope you enjoy it! Being an American, my knowledge of Japanese language and culture is quite slim. The Japanese honorifics and nicknames I’ve used are meant to be affectionate, but I realize that the relationships themselves may have quite an American slant. I did my best, but if you notice anything off or out of line, please let me know so I can fix it!
Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or events from Jujutsu Kaisen
Warnings/tags: non-cursed AU, best friend! Satoru Gojo, fake marriage, friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, fluff, angst, VERY suggestive content, language, minor character death(s) (past, mentioned), mention of (medical) drug usage, spoilers for/references to episodes 25-29/chapters 65-79, not beta’d!
You’re half asleep in the late afternoon sunlight streaming through the window when you hear a key turn in the door. Groggily, you sit up and rub your eyes, picking up your phone.
“Babe? You home?”
You’ve got a missed text from Satoru that probably explains his otherwise unannounced arrival at your apartment.
“In here,” you call, yawning. His snowy head pokes through the doorway and, despite the wide grin plastered on his face, you can tell something is wrong.
“Sorry to wake you. Are you hungry? I brought ramen.” He’s disappeared into your kitchen but, despite this fabulous announcement, he comes right back around the corner to throw himself dramatically onto the opposite corner of your couch.
Something is definitely wrong.
“Satoru?” You lean forward to touch his elbow, but he throws the arm over his eyes. He mutters something you don’t quite catch. “Say again?”
“It’s finally happened!” he shouts, though the sound is muffled by the hands he’s moved to cover his face. The same hands fly up as his head flies back, long legs kicking up to land on your coffee table with a loud bang. He turns to you with a wild, sarcastic smile. “My parents want me married, and by the end of the year. Or else I forfeit any rights to the family business, the house, my apartment, everything else.”
“Oh, Toru,” you breathe. You feel your heart lodge in the back of your throat before dropping to the ground with a dull thump. He shrugs, not meeting your gaze.
“It doesn’t matter. I can sign over The Amanai Project to Nanami, go back to the Jujutsu Corporation…” But his voice trails off against his will and you’re already shaking your head.
He’d started at the Jujutsu Corporation, a private security company, straight out of university. It’d been good for him- structure and discipline, and a new best friend you’d spent years convincing yourself you weren’t jealous of. You and Satoru hadn’t lost touch, but there were huge gaps in your days where he should have been. Until that new best friend called you from the hospital after a job gone wrong.
Satoru had been hurt, badly. Multiple stab wounds, vicious and tearing. He still had scars from shoulder to hip, and a small one on his forehead from the butt of a gun.
Suguru hadn’t seen it happen; he’d watched their charge die. A bullet to the brain. Quick and clean, unlike the shooter. Satoru had sliced him up before collapsing in a pool of his own blood.
When he woke up, he was different.
You’d worried you’d lost him for good, for different reasons than the wounds, for months. Barely eating, hardly sleeping, withdrawn and absent. Suguru told you that at the girl’s funeral, carrying Riko Amanai’s corpse, Satoru had asked why they didn’t kill the whole family who’d ordered the execution.
Suguru had disappeared not long after, and despite getting your best friend back, you still didn’t quite know why. You didn’t want to bring it up.
You shuddered, remembering how… hollow Satoru had been after the entire incident. Your other friends had wanted you to drop him, offended for your sake that he’d let your friendship slide in the first place, but you’d remained steadfast. Long nights spent holding him, stroking his hair; long days of pulling him gently up to walk, of coaxing him to eat when he had no interest in it; even stripping him down to his boxers to shoulder him into his ridiculously fancy shower, washing his hair in your bathing suit until he halfheartedly pushed you out to wash himself.
He’d been a shell, until he hadn’t. You’d shown up after work, armed with takeout and romcoms, and he’d been gone. You’d panicked, calling Suguru, who didn’t pick up, calling the housekeeper his mother had hired in an effort to keep you away, nearly breaking down and calling his mother. Then he’d barrelled through the door, smiling wide enough to showcase those tiny dimples, gushing about the non-profit he was going to start and the teenagers who’d inspired it.
You sucked in a sharp breath.
“You could lose The Amanai Project.”
He nodded slowly, not meeting your horrified stare.
“That’s why I’d go back to Juju-”
“No,” you hissed. You weren’t prepared for the hopeless look he turned on you. He loved The Amanai Project, he loved the teenagers he worked with. He reached forward, clutching both of your hands in his tightly.
“Then what am I supposed to do?” he pleaded. And then you were eight years old again, hiding from Satoru’s parents in his treehouse.
“They said.”
“Grown-ups always say.”
“What if they make me?”
“They can’t make you!”
He looked at you, much too seriously for an eight year old.
“They made my dad marry my mom. They’ll make me marry someone, too. And then what am I supposed to do?” He crossed his arms, pouting, and grumbled “Don’t wanna get married.”
You grabbed his little hand with your own, beaming with all of the sincerity and cleverness of a child.
“Then you can marry me, silly.”
You sat bolt upright.
“Marry me!” you half-shouted. At Satoru’s flinch back, you apologized softly and lowered your voice. “Marry me,” you repeated. You leaned forward, excitement brewing at the ingenuity of such a simple plan. “We can get married for however long it takes to cement your place in the family business and then get a divorce.” You squeezed his hands. “Whaddya say?”
Satoru spluttered a bit, pulling his hands back to run them through his hair- a nervous habit you hadn’t seen him make since childhood. “Babe, you shouldn’t- we can’t just- I can’t ask you to-”
“You’re not asking me for anything, I offered! Besides, think of all the fun we could have. It’d be just like our sleepovers from when we were kids.” A strange look had crossed Satoru’s face, hesitation and something like pain. You sat a little straighter, feeling heat rise to your cheeks. “U-unless you don’t want to, of course. I just, I thought-”
“It’s a good idea,” he interrupted. He was focused on your hands, intertwined now in your lap. He spoke slowly, measured and thoughtful. “I just don’t want… you know how my parents can be. And what if…” He grimaced. “What if you find someone you want to be with? I don’t want to stand in your way.”
You waved this off airily. “Oh, Toru, you’ll always be part of my life. If I find someone, they’ll just have to accept the situation. Besides, there’s no reason I can’t see someone else, so long as I’m careful. It’s not like we’ll really be married.”
Satoru stood abruptly, pacing to the other side of the room, one hand raised to his chin. He stood, silent, for a long moment. You opened your mouth to say something to fill the suddenly charged space between you, but then he spoke.
“Let me think about it.” And then in a blink, he was gone, takeout forgotten on your countertop, leaving you to blink in the void created by his absence.
——————————————————————
The silence lasted about as long as you’d expected it would. Satoru came crashing into your apartment bright and early the next morning, singing your name. You groaned, rolling over to pick up your phone. 6:48.
You were going to kill him.
“Satoru Gojo!” you yelled, pulling the covers over your head. You heard him skip down the hallway and into your room. If he noticed that you’d used his full name, it didn’t deter him a bit. He flung himself down beside you, dragging you onto his chest, blankets and all.
“My future wife!” he crooned, kissing your covered cheek. “How did you sleep?”
“It’s not even seven.”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
You fumbled the blankets off your head, baring your face to the weak sunlight coming in through the open window. “How am I supposed to know how I slept when it’s so early?” You rubbed at your eyes while Satoru laughed heartily, making himself comfortable on your mountain of pillows. You paused. “Did you say future wife?”
His smile widened as he sat up, shifting you from your live body pillow. “Well, yeah. That is if the offer still stands.” He twisted himself off the bed to kneel on the floor, turning you to face him all in one smooth motion. Now he held up a small, black velvet box, which he opened the moment he had your full attention.
A stunning engagement ring glittered up at you, catching all of the light in the room and beaming it upward through the diamond in the center.
You blanched.
“Satoru, what is this? This must have cost a fortune-”
“Easy,” he chuckled, setting the box aside to slide the ring onto your left hand. A perfect fit. “If we’re gonna be married, we’re gonna have to put on a good show. Starting with a beautiful ring worthy of the most beautiful woman in the world.” You hadn’t said a word, dumbstruck as you gazed down at your hand. Satoru spoke more softly now. “What do you think?”
“I think you picked my dream ring,” you breathed. He beamed up at you.
“So does that mean yes?”
“What?” You looked at him sharply, at the hopeful expression he’d turned up to you. “Of course yes, you dork. Remember that this was my idea?”
Satoru launched himself up, bearing you backward onto the bed with his arms around you. “Yay!” he squealed, and then he was kissing your cheek and nuzzling the side of your neck. “I promise to be a good husband,” he mumbled.
You laughed, somewhat breathless. “I wasn’t worried about it.”
You felt his smile curl up against your neck while he squeezed you impossibly tighter. “You were right, we’re gonna have so much fun.”
You were gasping now, struggling to breathe beneath his weight and in his tight grip. “Toru, can’t breathe.”
He let you go with a soft “oops”, shimmying over to lay beside you with his head propped up on one hand. His eyes shone with something you couldn’t quite place, lips curled in a gentle smile as his cerulean gaze trailed lazily over your face. He finally settled on your eyes, sharing the tranquil moment with you before leaping up.
“Oh! I almost forgot!” He careened out of your room and down the hall into your kitchen, returning a moment later with a sly grin. “Close your eyes,” he sing-songed.
“Close m-?”
“Close ‘em, woman!”
With a dramatic sigh, you did. If you hadn’t felt the slight dip in your mattress, you might not have known he’d come back until you felt his hand trace your knee lightly. “Open,” he whispered.
Your vision was flooded with white and green; Satoru held out a colossal bouquet of white roses and eucalyptus, tied with a fat black ribbon.
Your jaw dropped.
Satoru straightened in pleasure. “See, I told you I’d be a good husband!” he crowed.
You swatted at him playfully before taking the roses out of his hands. “Satoru, you know I don’t need all this.”
He gave you a deadpan look. “I have never, never seen any boyfriend spoil you before. I think it’s time someone did.”
You snorted. “You’re gonna ruin me for all other men if you keep it up.”
If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he looked pleased by that. But before you could analyze the thought, he reached a hand out to you.
“My lady.”
You laughed out loud, but took the proffered hand and slid out of bed, letting him lead you down the hall. You felt your jaw drop again when you stepped into the kitchen to see a silver tray laid out on your tiny dining table, laden with pastries and fresh fruit and a steaming pot of coffee.
“Consider me ruined,” you mumbled, beelining for the coffee to the sound of Satoru’s raucous laughter. You smiled to yourself, and over your shoulder at him.
This would be fun.
——————————————————————
Reality set in slowly over the course of the next few days, for both of you.
Satoru’s parents were furious, as expected, but enough to call you directly, which was not. After all, they had always refused to acknowledge your existence, as though hoping you might disappear entirely if they ignored you for long enough.
“We know that you’ve always had a bit of trouble staying away, dear, but we had never quite expected this, this…”
“Devotion, ma’am?”
“Parasitic behavior from you!”
Ouch.
“I assure you, Gojo-sama, I’m not marrying your son for money. As you know, we’ve always been close. I’ve always loved him.” All true, as you’d agreed the story should be. The only lie in it lay in the implication of one, tiny word.
If anyone was close enough to spot it, it certainly wouldn’t be his parents.
All the same, his mother groaned and his father scoffed in the background. The elder Gojo’s voice was muffled by distance when he said “Of course she has, but I’d expected Satoru, at least, to outgrow it by now.”
What?
You weren’t given an opportunity to question it, though. Satoru’s mother dismissed you, something about “being in touch” soon. Whatever that meant.
You sat for several long moments, puzzling over that last comment. Outgrow what? His parents couldn’t possibly mean that he’d been in love with you, you would have known. Certainly, you’d had a crush on Satoru for years- your first and most long-standing crush, at that. That must be what they meant. He must’ve had a childhood infatuation, as well. Nothing more.
You shook yourself, content to be back on solid footing, and dialed Satoru’s number by heart. He picked up on the third ring, yelling to one of the teenagers he was training, before greeting you warmly. When you relayed the conversation with his parents, minus that strange comment from his father, you could feel the waves of rage rolling off him through the phone.
“They called you a parasite!?” he shouted, and you heard his students drop their voices to whispers.
“Parasitic, not a parasite.”
“Oh, don’t you bullshit semantics with me,” he seethed. “How dare they, who do they think they are to talk to you that way? I won’t stand for this. They owe you an apology.” You tried to cut in, to reassure him that you were less bothered than you were, in truth, but his tirade went on without any sign of stopping. You could hear him put his phone down, still swearing and half-shouting to himself. You heard something that sounded suspiciously like wood cracking, heard him pick up his phone again, heard the bell on the gym door opening.
“Satoru!” you shouted.
“What!?” he shouted back. You waited patiently as he drew in a deep breath. More calmly, he repeated himself. “What?”
“Don’t give them the satisfaction.”
He was angry enough to sputter, his usual cool, smooth speech long-gone. “They can’t talk to you that way! You’re going to be my wife!”
“Fake wife,” you muttered, half amused and half touched by the vehemence of his outburst.
“That doesn’t matter. You’ve been my best friend forever. It has to stop!”
You sighed. “You know that they’ll only think I’m a whiny, sniveling leech if you say anything.” He was silent, and you could tell from the steady hum of traffic that he’d finally stopped walking. “Go back to your kids.”
“They’re not my kids.” The reply was automatic, an old joke between the two of you about his students. You heard him start walking again, and a moment later, the bell on the door jingled again.
You heard the students perk up, clamoring and calling to him.
“Gojo! Is everything okay?” Yuji Itadori, a selfless orphan with reflexes almost as sharp as Satoru’s. Quick to protect anyone and everyone around him. Heart of gold, worn proudly on his sleeve for all to see.
“Where do you think you’re going? Were you just going to leave us here?” Nobara Kugisaki, a spitfire girl who masked every insecurity with arrogance to rival Satoru’s, though she hadn’t mastered his admirable level of control.
“What crawled up your ass?” Megumi Fushiguro. You didn’t like to pick favorites, but you couldn’t pretend you didn’t hold a special fondness for him. Unflappable, unshakable. Level-headed and calculating. He reminded you of Satoru the most. Maybe that’s why you liked him best.
“Yeah, yeah, I know, the gym would collapse without me in it. Get back to work.” There he was, all smooth edges and silken confidence. Like nothing ever happened. To you, he grumbled, “This isn’t over.”
Once upon a time, you’d believed that nothing could get under his skin. In all your years of friendship, you’d never seen him lose his temper until after the incident. Even since, it was a rare occurrence, but you’d quickly learned how to reel him back. You breathed a quiet sigh of relief. Not over, but over for now.
——————————————————————
One thing you hadn’t put much thought into was telling your parents. They reacted about as you’d expected, though- thrilled to be welcoming their bonus child to the family in an official capacity, “after all these years”.
“Oh, hime, how wonderful! He’s such a sweet boy. I’ll come dress shopping with you!”
Your heart twinged with guilt. Your mother would be heartbroken when you inevitably divorced a year or two down the road.
“Maybe we should tell them,” mused Satoru. He tilted his head back to look up from your lap. “What are the chances that they’ll ever talk to my parents? Or tell anyone else? They can keep a secret.”
You shook your head slowly, focused on a point somewhere past where your fingers threaded through his soft hair. “I think they’d be more heartbroken to hear that we aren’t really in love.”
When Satoru didn’t say anything, you looked down at him. He was staring at you with an expression you couldn’t read, eyes darkening to a rich turquoise. He’d reached up to loop his hand loosely around your wrist without you noticing, stroking the sensitive skin over your pulse. Something about the look in his eyes had you suddenly incapable of thinking of anything but his father’s strange statement.
“I’d expected Satoru, at least, to outgrow it by now.”
You swallowed, hard, scrambling for some way to ask without making everything incredibly awkward. You knew you were just friends. Hearing him say it would settle it once and for all.
“Right,” Satoru drawled. He sat up, rising from the couch. “Better to tell them marriage just wasn’t what we thought.”
Somehow, somewhere, you’d made a wrong turn in this conversation. You weren’t sure what had happened, but something wasn’t right. You were getting to your feet when Satoru turned in the doorway, smirking with that wild spark in his ridiculously blue eyes.
“You probably shouldn’t say it to your parents, but you can tell anyone else who asks that I couldn’t keep up with your appetite.” His smile only widened when you tilted your head in confusion. “Sexually.”
Your mouth dropped open on a gasp of his name, blood flooding your cheeks. His laughter was pealing off your hallway walls by the time you thought to throw the cushion in your hands. It bounced harmlessly off the wall, falling lightly to the floor.
You sprinted down the hallway, raining your fists down on Satoru’s turned back as he laughed, before jumping up and locking one arm around his neck. You used the other to ruffle his hair as he instinctively took hold of your thighs, giving you just enough height to lean over his shoulder and bite the lobe of his ear gently.
You were the one laughing uncontrollably, now, but you didn’t miss his sharp intake of breath or the way he tensed within your hold. Interesting. You tucked that away with every intention of examining it later.
“That’s it!” His voice was slightly hoarse as he spun, racing across the hall to your living room. You shrieked as he wheeled this way and that, his strong grip the only thing keeping you secured to his back. He turned and abruptly released his hold on you, sending you tumbling back onto your couch in a cacophony of giggles.
He turned a smug smile on you. “And with that, no dinner for wifey.”
You let out an indignant squawk, scrambling down the hall after him. Despite his threats, he was spoon-feeding you miso soup within minutes, smiling wide as you stuck out your tongue.
“I’m not telling anyone that,” you muttered.
Satoru nodded sagely. “You’re right, can’t go tarnishing my reputation.”
You let out a loud, undignified guffaw of laughter. “Reputation? You?”
Satoru pulled back indignantly. “You think I don’t have a reputation?” You leveled him with your blankest stare, but he stared right back, one eyebrow quirked up. You found yourself crumbling first, suddenly unsure of yourself. “You have a reputation?”
That broke his stoicism. He cracked a wide grin, looking down to stir his dinner. “Nah, just wanted to watch you squirm.” You both smiled, shoving each other playfully from across the table.
“I’m sure there have been… people though, right?”
Satoru’s head snapped up, eyes almost comically wide in some combination of shock and… nerves?
“What?” he rasped. You caught him with a mouthful of miso – he was probably trying not to choke.
“I mean I’m sure there have been girls, or boys…” you trailed off at the puzzled expression he wore. But now that you’d thought about it, you’d never seen him with anyone, not since high school.
“How did you know I’m bi?”
Not the question you’d been expecting.
“Satoru,” you deadpanned. “Do you remember when you got caught kissing Yoshio Kiyama under the bleachers in sixth grade?”
A faint blush rose in his pale cheeks. “Oh, right.”
“Yeah, genius, I’m the one who found you?” You started laughing, memories of your eleven year-old self bubbling to the surface. “I remember I was so disappointed, but then you asked out Akiko Hoshino for the school dance and I-” You stopped speaking abruptly, horrified at your partial admission, and prayed to the gods that Satoru wouldn’t notice.
Of course where the gods were concerned, Satoru would always find favor.
You swore you could see his ears perk up. “Disappointed, huh?”
“I didn’t mean to say that,” you mumbled.
“Oh no no, you’re not getting out of this one.” He stood, coming around to your side of the table and pulling you up. Then he sat in your chair, dragging you unceremoniously down onto his lap. “Disappointed why?”
You threw your hands up in exasperation, turning your face away. “Because I had a crush on you, Satoru! We were eleven years old and I had a crush and I thought you only liked boys and so I was disappointed that I wouldn’t have a chance with you. But then you asked out Akiko Hoshino, so then I knew that you liked boys and girls.”
“And?”
“And what?”
“And then you pined away for me for the month that I dated Akiko, right?” he crooned, obviously delighted.
You scoffed, but felt your throat closing slightly. “No, then I got over you.”
Satoru’s jaw dropped. “That fast, huh?”
“Yeah, it was pretty quick.”
He released you in favor of clapping his hands to his heart, head thrown back.
“My darling wife, you wound me so!” he cried. You laughed, tapping your ring finger.
“That’s fiancé to you, I’m not your wife yet.”
He sat back up, grinning. “Soon enough.” His cerulean eyes glittered in a way that sparked something deep inside you, excitement and anticipation lighting in your veins.
“Two,” he murmured.
You blinked. “Two what?”
“Two people.” He reached up to smooth a stray hair from your face, a gesture so tender that your breath caught. “One boy, one girl. And now, you.”
“Well, sort of.” You meant to be teasing, but it came out shakier than you meant. What was happening to you?
And there was that unreadable expression, paired with the slightest of smiles. “Yeah, sort of.”
——————————————————————
“I don’t think you’re supposed to get to see the dress.”
Satoru whines from the other end of the phone. “Why nooot? I’m paying for it, aren’t I?”
Despite your mother’s wish to come dress shopping with you, she’d been unable to make the journey. Despite his protests, she couldn’t bear to leave your father alone. He needed her too much after his accident; slow and unsteady on his best days, bedridden on his worst. So you’d settled on FaceTime instead. Now the four of you were on a call together- you, your parents, and Satoru- as you made your way down the busy Tokyo street to your car.
“You know I don’t actually have the dress with me, right?” you said wryly. Satoru’s confused outburst blended with your mother‘s tinkling laughter, tugging at the little girl deep under your skin. You felt your lips curve up in an involuntary smile.
“Patience, bocchan. You’ll see her on your wedding day.”
“That’s so far, though!” whined Satoru.
“It’s only another month, my dear! So eager.” You heard your father chuckling in the background, making some muffled statement about your parents’ traditional, long engagement. Your mother murmured something sweet back to him, but when she spoke into the phone again, her voice was filled with mischief. “Are you sure you’re not pregnant, hime?”
“M-mother!” you sputtered. On the other end, Satoru howled with laughter. All the same, he composed himself much more quickly than you.
“Okan, no. That would be impossible. I’ve been a perfect gentleman! Besides, we’re not even living together.
“Oh!” Your mother seemed genuinely surprised. “Well no, I suppose neither of you have said that you are. I see that I simply assumed…”
“Actually, we haven’t discussed the living situation yet.” You leapt on the opportunity to change the subject, still trying to get your breathing under control. For some reason you couldn’t quite pin down, your mother‘s joke had left your heart racing long after the shock should’ve worn off.
“Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make either of you uncomfortable, we’re just so exc-”
You and Satoru cut her off simultaneously, talking over each other to assure her that she hadn’t.
“We’ll just move into your place, right babe?”
You stopped walking. “Satoru, why would we move into my shitty apartment when yours is twice the size?”
“Because your place is so much cozier!”
Then there was an almighty crash and Satoru began swearing. A moment later, after making his apologies to your mother, he was saying he loved you and hanging up. Your heart raced a bit, even as you giggled with your mother over “his kids”.
As you walked up to your car, you heard your father ask for a glass of water. “Oh, dear, look at the time. I’m sorry my darling, but I need to go. I have to leave now if I want to get to the bank before it closes, and then I have to go to the shops, and then I have to make dinner…”
You smiled to yourself, sliding behind the wheel of your beaten old sedan. “Have a good night, mama. I’ll talk to you soon.”
You turned the key in the ignition and looked at your watch. Satoru’s class would be ending soon. You could spend that time doing errands, washing your car, or even tidying up your apartment. But you felt lazy and lightweight and you hadn’t seen the kids in some time.
With a smile, you drove to the juice shop you and Satoru liked, ordering the too-sweet strawberry smoothie he loved and something new for yourself to try. After only a second’s hesitation, you picked out an assortment of treats, putting everything on Satoru’s card. Today, for the kids, you’d let him spoil you.
Arms filled with sweets and smoothies, you managed to get from the shop to your car and your car to The Amanai Project. The gym was housed in a metal and concrete building on the border of one of the poorer neighborhoods in the city. Posters advertising free self-defense classes, public safety seminars, and charity races papered the windows beside a much more understated plaque offering pro bono legal counsel for kids victimized by violent crime.
Every time you came here, you couldn’t squelch the feeling of your heart growing several sizes. You were just trying to decide how best to manage the door when it swung open. Kento Nanami, Satoru’s somewhat business partner and the lawyer offering his services, held it wide and nodded a greeting as you shimmied through.
“Thanks, Nanami. How are you?”
“I’d be better if I didn’t have to deal with that crazy man,” he grumbled, and you couldn’t help but laugh. “I hear congratulations are in order, though.”
Startled, you felt heat rise to your cheeks. “O-oh, yes, thank you so much!”
He nodded again, turning to step through the doorway, but paused. “You’re good for him, and you’ll be good for each other.” With that, he turned again and left you staring at the swinging door. That was as much a speech as you’d ever heard out of Nanami, but you didn’t have time to digest it.
Kugisaki shrieked your name, abandoning her training to race across the room to you. Her squeals drew the attention of everyone else in the room, too. Itadori looked up from where he stood patching a hole in the wall, dropping the putty knife he was wielding into a can of spackle, and made to run toward you before Satoru’s sharp voice cut him off.
“Itadori!”
“Aww, Gojo, I’ll fix it in a second!”
You giggled at the interaction. Clearly, the source of the sound Satoru had hung up for.
Fushiguro nodded politely at you from his place in the ring, taking advantage of your arrival to gulp down a bottle of water.
And then there was the man himself, lifting the blindfold he used when he sparred- “to help him hone his senses”. His eyes looked bluer than ever against the black and white contrast of material and hair. He smiled when he saw you, looking surprised but immeasurably pleased.
Then Kugisaki was shoveling everything out of your arms, extending her hands to grasp yours. “Let’s see this ring!”
At that, Itadori did drop the putty knife, tuning Satoru’s warnings out with admirable success. Even Fushiguro sauntered over, hands tucked into his pockets, to lean down. You locked eyes with Satoru, cheeks warming under the kids’ attention.
Kugisaki and Itadori took turns bouncing on the balls of their feet, shrieking, alternating between hugging you and each other. Fushiguro studied the ring and then turned back to the ring, tossing a genuinely impressed “Nice job, Gojo” over his shoulder. Satoru sidled up to you, snaking an arm around your waist to draw you close enough that he could kiss your cheek.
He was still smiling at you when Itadori shouted. “Hey Gojo, what was that? You gotta kiss her for real!”
Satoru whirled. “What!?”
“Yeah, kiss her for real!” squealed Kugisaki. She and Itadori swatted at each other in excitement, eyes glued to you and Satoru.
He pointed menacingly at them both. “You little pervs-”
“You can’t shut up about her all day, and now that she’s here you won’t even kiss her?” You laughed at the deadpan stare Fushiguro gave his teacher, highly amused by the entire ordeal.
With a rush of boldness, you grasped Satoru’s collar, turning him to face you, and pulled him down to your mouth. A bolt of electricity shot through you when your lips touched, and if Satoru’s muffled gasp was any indication, he wasn’t unaffected either. The kiss was brief, a slide of lips that was over much too soon, and then you were releasing him. You heard Kugisaki squealing, a loud clap as Itadori and Fushiguro high-fived each other, their thrilled chatter; it all faded to the background as you looked at Satoru.
Eyes half-lidded, color high in his cheeks, he seemed unable to catch his breath. He stood, still bent to your height, staring at your lips. You felt heat rising in your own cheeks, boldness entirely dissipated as you wondered whether you’d crossed some line or other. His tongue darted out to swipe his lips. The tittering in the background was quickly dying. You’d expected Satoru to have some ready quip, to turn and showboat for his students. It was becoming increasingly obvious that you’d have to be the one to act.
Thinking fast, you reached over to the counter where Kugisaki had dumped the haul you’d brought, fumbling a smoothie into Satoru’s frozen hands. You pasted a smile on and patted his cheek, turning to the collection of treats.
“Alright, you hooligans, I brought something for you. Courtesy of Gojo Sensei.”
The boisterous sounds of teenagers started up just as quickly as they’d stopped, with Itadori and Kugisaki fighting over who got first pick of the sweets. Fushiguro waited patiently for the other two to dispense with their theatrics, picking up a sweet roll with a quiet word of thanks. You waved it off as you raised your smoothie to your lips, flinching when you tasted how overwhelmingly sweet it was. You turned to find Satoru standing behind you, holding out your smoothie. Besides a slight dusting of pink across the tops of his cheeks, he seemed entirely composed again.
“Sorry,” you murmured, trading cups with him.
He quirked an eyebrow at you as he raised his smoothie to his mouth. Slowly, deliberately, he licked the side of his straw, finally drawing it into his mouth. He took several long swallows, holding your gaze unwaveringly as he did. Something about the action seemed intimate, provocative, and it was heating your insides. What on earth was happening to you?
“Oh, please.” His voice was lower than usual, husky. “Don’t be.”
——————————————————————
For once, you wound up at Satoru’s apartment. He’d walked you to your car, only half a lot away from his, only to find that it wouldn’t start. Why drive across town to your place, only to need a ride back in the morning to meet the tow truck, when you could simply stay the night with him? You had your laptop, there was no reason you couldn’t work from his home office the next day while he was away at family business meetings.
As he unlocked the front door, you tried to remember the last time you’d been here, rather than having him over to your shabby, cramped shoebox. You never could quite put your finger on why, but he loved your place. Cozy, he’d called it. And you guessed it was, in comparison.
He flipped on the light, the sound echoing down the hall, and stepped over the threshold, gesturing for you to step inside. You toed off your shoes, padding through the house to the kitchen. Satoru followed, stripping off his jacket and the blindfold he’d been wearing like a headband.
“I don’t think there’s much in the fridge, but we can order takeout. You remember where the menus are?”
“Of course.” You opened the right-most drawer in the island, withdrawing a stack of takeout menus with a grin.
Satoru grinned right back. “Order whatever you want, pick something good for me. I’m going to take a shower real quick.” You hummed as he dropped his wallet on the counter, thumbing through the worn pages before you.
When Satoru had first moved into this apartment, his mother had hired a maid and a chef. Only the best for her precious son, you thought wryly. Satoru hadn’t been having it. He’d been polite to them, of course, but kept an impeccable house with nothing for the maid to clean, and ordered takeout every night, leaving the chef’s meals untouched in the refrigerator before insisting she take them home herself. When his mother had shown up to scold him, he’d listened patiently to her lecture and then promptly changed the locks.
You grinned at the memory, but it was short-lived. Your thoughts drifted to the time after he’d come home from the hospital, silent and uninterested in food, keeping a clean house, or anything else. His mother had hired a housekeeper again, insisting that your presence was unnecessary. In spite of her cold words and colder attitude, you’d stuck around, trying to get Satoru to take an interest in… anything.
He’d lost so much weight in those months.
You shook yourself out of your spiraling thoughts. Whatever had prompted him, he’d bought the gym for The Amanai Project, sent the housekeeper home with her next month’s pay, a bouquet of flowers, and his thanks, and changed the locks all in one day.
His mother had been furious.
That thought made you smile, despite yourself.
You heard the shower start, picked a menu at random, and called the number. You ordered enough sushi to feed a small army- an assortment of maki and uramaki rolls, nigiri, sashimi, miso soup, and two servings of deep-fried bananas- and smiled when you opened Satoru’s wallet to a picture of the two of you.
You made a circuit of the apartment while you waited. It looked just like it had the last time you’d been here, neat and bare. You walked into the home office, the only room with any personality, and smied at the photos scattered over the walls and shelves. You and Satoru as children, as teenagers at prom together, beaming together on the day you’d both graduated university; photos of him standing with his parents and grandparents, more serious than you were used to seeing him; and then, another photo, tucked behind several others. You stopped to pick it up.
Satoru, Shoko, and Suguru sat in a line, all beaming at the camera. Satoru’s arm reached around Shoko’s back, hand resting on Suguru’s shoulder. You could hardly see his eyes behind the dark glasses he wore, but you thought his eyes might’ve been on Suguru.
You swallowed back a painful lump in your throat. You’d lied when you said your crush on Satoru had been over quickly. It had lasted well into your teenage years, only abating when you assumed Suguru had taken your place as his best friend. Tall, handsome, charming Suguru with his smooth voice, soft smile, and never putting up with Satoru’s shit. That was until he disappeared, right when Satoru became a shell.
You knew the events were related, but you’d never found the courage to ask. Now, looking at this photo, you wondered what had happened to him. You wondered what had happened to Shoko, too. You knew she and Satoru still spoke from time to time, but they’d been closer before. Jealousy pricked at your heart before you stomped it ruthlessly out.
It had been a silly crush, nothing more. You were best friends. That was everything you wanted, everything you needed, and more than you could say for the other two.
You scolded yourself for being uncharitable, returning the picture frame to its place on the shelf before stalking from the office to Satoru’s bedroom.
The bed was perfectly made, unrumpled and unslept in. You realized with a jolt that the last time you’d been in his bedroom had been during those awful months, two years ago. You scowled lightly, turning back to the living room, and noticed for the first time that the larger couch looked slightly rumpled, with a throw blanket haphazardly hanging from the back- the only item out of place in the whole apartment.
In the bathroom, the tap turned off. You darted out of the bedroom, opting to sit at the kitchen island, watching the city lights from the picture window. It couldn’t have been more than two minutes before you could feel Satoru behind you, even though you hadn’t heard him approach.
When you turned, he was smiling softly at you.
“Have you been sleeping on the couch?”
You knew you’d shocked him by the smile he flipped up. “Whaaat? No, of course no-”
“Toru.”
He glares at you, but doesn’t answer. He’s saved by the doorbell, which he bolts to answer.
You let out a breath, turning to the fridge to get drinks. You pull out two bottles of tea, along with a glass and a container of honey for Satoru. He’s laying out your feast, eyes pointedly on the food.
You decide not to push the issue. For now.
“I left some clothes for you in the bathroom,” he says.
“Thank you,” you hum. “I’ll shower as soon as we’re done here.”
He hums in return, mouth already filled with food, then swallows. “Sorry about the kids,” he says.
You grin. “Sorry for rocking your world.”
A strange look passes over his features, and when he speaks, you get the feeling that he’s not saying what he had intended to. “Oh, sweetheart, you’re not that good.” The words drip with his customary, good-natured arrogance, complete with the full-blown smirk you’ve only ever seen on him. He winks, making you laugh, but there’s some tiny part of you that’s oddly wounded by this.
He’s returned his focus to his meal, but then he looks up at you from under his stark, white lashes. His voice is softer, more sincere when he speaks again.
“We should practice.”
And for a moment, the absurdity of the statement is so intense that you can’t, won’t understand him.
“Practice what?”
“Kissing.” He says it so calmly, so matter-of-fact, like it’s the most normal thing in the world to say.
You choke on your tea.
“We should practice kissing,” you drone back.
Satoru throws his hands in the air. “Exactly! I’m glad you agree.” When you continue to stare, he chuckles, going back to his food. “I think the gig would be up if something like that happened in front of our wedding guests.”
And after a moment’s contemplation, you have to admit that he’s right. You hadn’t considered the way you’d appear to onlookers. Years and years of close friendship had you comfortable with each other, in each others’ space, and you knew you’d look genuine to anyone close enough to see you, because your affection for each other was genuine. You and Satoru had always been touchy- leaning on each other or holding hands, arms around each other or brushing when you walked or talked. Physical closeness was natural to you both.
But kissing each other was not natural, you told yourself. Even as your mind unhelpfully reminded you that it had felt quite natural to lean up and press your lips to his. You blinked away the memory, pasting on a smile to hide your unease at the way your heartbeat sped.
“Oh yeah, I’d expected a smoother recovery from you,” you teased. “What did the kids have to say about that?”
He grumbled something that sounded distinctly like “lovesick fool”, but when you asked for Satoru to repeat himself, he said “They said it was so cool.”
You giggled. “It’s ‘cause they’ve never seen anyone shut you up.”
He lay a hand against his heart. “It’s because they never believe me when I say the ladies love me. Victory has never tasted so sweet.” You laughed, Satoru smiled, and what little tension had managed to build dissipated.
You stood to stretch. “I’ll make us breakfast tomorrow if you do the dishes.”
Satoru scoffed. “I have a perfectly good dishwasher, and we both know I’ll be up way before you.”
You stuck your tongue out, earning you a snicker. “I’m going to shower.” Satoru waved you off, stuffing the last of his deep-fried bananas into his mouth as he brushed off his hands. You padded into the bathroom, turned on the faucet, and stripped off your clothes once the door shut behind you. Stepping into the shower, you let the scalding water soothe your muscles as your mind kicked into overdrive.
Practice kissing Satoru Gojo. Something pooled low in your belly, something hungry and molten.
You knew, logically, that having the friendship with him that you do put you in a position most girls would be wildly envious of. You’d always known that, even if it hadn’t affected you. So why is it affecting you now?
You knew, logically, that Satoru is insanely attractive. You’d seen it firsthand countless times over the years. Any time you’d go out together, you could feel jealous stares on you, even if Satoru never noticed. It used to make you feel somewhat smug, and somewhat guilty, as though your presence could keep away the girl he was meant to have. You would tease him, shamelessly mocking the fluttering lashes and starry eyes turned his way. So why did you feel so starry-eyed yourself?
You knew, logically, that this was a good and smart plan. His parents would be looking for any sign that this marriage was less than what it seemed, and it was wise to cover your bases. You just had to think about it intellectually. Just had to remember that it was all part of the trick.
Dressing in his boxers and sweats and a shirt two sizes too big, you step into his bedroom to see him reclining on the bed, face flushed and chest heaving, and all wisdom deserts you.
His eyes are closed. He’s got one muscled arm propped behind his head, while the long fingers of his other hand stroke that damn blindfold thoughtfully. He turns and pierces you with that blue gaze, eyes darker than usual, and inclines his head slightly as he takes in a deep breath. His eyes rake you from head to toe, taking in the way you swim in his clothes. You pad toward the bed, crawling over the expanse of it until you lay next to him, hands laced nervously over your stomach.
He sits up to place the blindfold on the nightstand, then rolls so that he’s hovering over you. “Shall we?” he murmurs. His voice is velvet, soft and rough, and intellectual thought becomes more difficult as you try to remember the last time you kissed anyone before today.
You nod. It feels stiff, and you hope that he doesn’t notice. Hell, of course he notices. You hope that he can’t see why you’re so uptight, and do your best to tuck away your racing thoughts so that you can’t examine them either.
He raises his free hand to brush his knuckles over your cheek, touch so feather-soft that you could’ve almost imagined it. You don’t know which of you moved first, but you’re inexplicably closer to each other now, noses nearly touching. Satoru’s warm, sweet breath ghosts over your lips. His luminescent eyes scan your face, searching for… what? you wonder breathlessly.
It’s an agonizingly long moment in which your traitorous brain chants kisshimkisshimkisshim.
“Relax,” he whispers, and you let out the breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.
His lips brush yours, lighter than his fingertips on your jaw. Then again, with the barest hint of pressure. You’ve only just begun, but your heart is already pounding. Satoru kisses you a third time and the trick is all but forgotten.
He moves his lips slowly, carefully against yours. You exercise every last ounce of restraint to move as slowly, as carefully as he does. Gentle as this is, your lungs are burning for air by the time he pulls back, only far enough so that you can both gulp down the warm air between you. He shifts so that his body partially covers yours before descending again. This time, in addition to the soft pressure, his tongue slides delicately over your bottom lip.
Forgetting yourself, you grip the front of his t-shirt, dragging him down so suddenly that he grunts, mouth parting to allow your tongue to explore. You run it along the back of his teeth, the inside of his bottom lip, sliding it against his as he presses into your mouth for his turn.
His tongue is slow, gentle, as he maps the inside of your mouth. The hand that’s not propping him up is on your neck now, thumb across the front of your throat, caressing the flesh there. You begin to lose patience, unable to grasp how unaffected he is by this when you’re so close to abandoning your dignity for more, more, more.
With as much self-control as you can muster, you slide one hand around his side under his shirt. His breath catches. Your hands must be cold. You use your grip on his shirt and his waist to pull until he loses his balance, body pressed against you for one short, blissful moment. Your eyes shoot open, meeting a roiling ocean as your hips meet and you feel something hard against your inner thigh. Wait, is he…?
He lifts himself so that he hovers over you, body too far away now for you to confirm what you thought you felt. He kisses you several times in quick succession, lighter than before, as he holds himself up over you. You wonder if you’re imagining the quiver in his limbs; you must be.
Then he pulls back with a crazed smile that doesn’t touch his eyes. His cheeks flame and his blown pupils snap with something you don’t have a name for.
“Well that was much better,” he says. Then you blink and he’s up, sitting on the side of the bed for just a second before standing up. He walks out of the room and you’re left reeling, lifting a hand to your swollen lips.
What just happened?
Anxiety is beginning to build before he’s back in the doorway with a glass of water in hand. He hits the lightswitch before coming in, hiding himself from your searching eyes in the gloom, backlit by the lamp in the living room.
“Here,” he says, handing you the glass. You sit up and take it from his hands, draining the whole thing to wash the addictive taste of him out of your mouth enough to concentrate. It hardly works.
He’s halfway across the room before you realize it, and you find panic flooding your chest again.
“Wait!” you call. He stops, turning so that you can just make out his profile in the dark.
You feel tongue-tied. Against your will, you remember the way you felt at eleven, at fourteen, at sixteen, unable to speak or move or breathe around him, so in awe of his presence.
This would be a really, really bad time for those feelings to resurface.
But you can’t seem to stop them.
“What?” You must have been quiet for too long, because his voice is tinged with worry.
You scramble for any coherent thought.
“Where are you going?”
You see him raise a hand to the back of his neck, a nervous gesture startlingly like one the boy from your scrambled thoughts makes.
“The couch. I figured you could sleep in the bed, and I-”
“You should stay,” you cut off. After what had just happened, after knowing what it felt like to kiss him, if you’d put any thought into anything else first, you’d have never gotten the words out.
But you couldn't think. Not now, not with the taste of him on your tongue. Regardless of your mounting fear and his being the source, you couldn’t bear for him to be away from you. Not now.
Satoru didn’t say anything. He stood frozen, and again, you began to wonder whether some invisible boundary had been crossed.
Maybe this was why friends didn’t kiss each other.
Shame and nerves choked you. You shouldn’t have touched him, shouldn’t have embarrassed him like that. Of course it was natural for his thoughts to wander, it certainly had nothing to do with you. A natural response, nothing mo-
“Okay.”
You let out a breath and the pounding in your ears subsided. He left the room, returning after flipping off the light in the living room, and lowered himself gently into the bed. He stretched out on his back, hands at his sides, and you lowered yourself to the cushions with yours tucked to your chest.
The silence was deafening. You weren’t used to it, banter flowing easily from both sides for all your lives.
You turned abruptly, unable to bear it any longer.
“Toru, what happened? With Suguru? And with Shoko?”
He sucked in a breath from his place across the bed. You worried again, as was becoming too common, that you shouldn’t have spoken. He didn’t speak for so long that you thought he wouldn't answer you, and then you started to worry that he’d call off the whole fake wedding or, worse, your whole friendship.
You’d never asked, too afraid of sending him spiralling off the precipice and losing him entirely. But you were so off-balance from the raging storm of your emotions that you couldn’t stop yourself.
“Amanai died.”
You counted several beats before speaking. “I know that part,” you said softly. “Suguru was with her when she was shot, right?”
A long pause. “Yeah.”
“And you were outside.”
“Yeah.”
“Satoru, it wasn’t your fault.”
“We were arrogant.” There was self-loathing dripping from the words. “We shouldn't have assumed the estate would be safe ground.”
You squeezed your eyes shut. This had been a mistake. Damn your curiosity, you should never have dredged this up.
“I wanted… I killed that guy, the shooter.” You’d known, but the jolt that went through you reminded you that he’d never actually said it out loud. Not to you. “And I wanted to kill the whole group of them, that whole family that ordered the execution. Everyone who stood there, applauding that a fifteen year-old girl was dead. And I would have snapped and done it if Suguru hadn’t stopped me.”
Your heart constricted painfully. Suguru had said, but you hadn’t realized it had been so serious. Satoru let out a long sigh. Subconsciously, you reached out to loop your fingers through his. He squeezed gently.
“Remember the week after the funeral, that day I left you here? When Shoko called?” You nodded. You’d handed him the phone when Shoko asked, watching wordlessly as he stalked out, and then sat in his apartment, drowning in terror until he’d walked back through the door, silent as when he’d left. He turned to you now. Even in the dark, you could make out the faint gleam of his eyes. “Sorry for scaring you, back then,” he whispered. You reached your other hand out to lay it on his chest.
He took in another deep breath. “Suguru went out on a job. He was supposed to bring some guy in for questioning.” You waited with bated breath for him to say the words you didn’t want to hear. “He killed him.”
You sat up, peering down through the darkness. “What?”
“He killed him. Told the board that it was self-defense, but Shoko and I knew it wasn’t. He confessed it to her, and she told me.” You sat in stunned silence. This was so much worse than you’d imagined it could be.
“And you?” Satoru said nothing. Dread pricked your spine. “You… you wanted to…”
“I didn’t, though.” He’d tensed, as though he expected you to draw away at any moment. “Shoko had already built a case against him when she called me. She just needed a confession. So I got it. Even if I thought that it wasn’t fair.”
You scooted the tiniest bit closer. “Not fair?”
Satoru looked at you out of the corner of his eye, seeming to consider his next words. “That he found the absolution he denied me.”
You considered that. “Did you ever find it?” you finally asked. “Absolution?”
He seemed to hold his breath. “I think so,” he said softly. You nodded, and for long minutes, you each sat lost in thought under the cover of darkness. Then, when sleep pressed you down, you closed the last distance between you to lay your head on his chest. You felt Satoru start before carefully wrapping an arm around you. And maybe you were already dreaming, but you thought you felt him press a gentle kiss to your temple.
You wondered again if you were dreaming when you woke, warm and comfortable. You blinked yourself awake, squinting at the clock across the room. Too early. You flopped your head back down and then froze when the arm around your waist pulled you back against a feverish body.
Satoru.
You raised your head, blinking at the clock again in disbelief. Satoru was always up at the crack of dawn. 7:45 was not late, but most days he’d already be out and about. Carefully, so as not to wake him, you turned your head. His brilliant white hair flopped over his eyes, making him look vulnerable. Young, so like the little boy you’d said you’d marry all those years ago.
You smiled at the memory and rested your head back on your pillow. You looked at the clock. 7:46. You’d let him sleep until 8:00. You began to snuggle backward and froze.
You could feel Satoru’s length pressed against the curve of your butt. For one, heartstopping moment, you let yourself melt back. Then you were berating yourself.
He was asleep, nothing more. No man woke up in bed with any girl without a hard-on and it had nothing to do with you.
The moment you broke contact, that arm tightened again, drawing you back more firmly. You muffled a groan, letting your eyes slide shut.
A really, really bad time for those feelings to resurface again, you thought dryly, heart speeding against your ribcage. You glanced up. 7:47.
You couldn’t lay here like this for thirteen minutes. You’d just have to slide out from his grasp and hope you didn’t wake him.
Just before you moved though, Satoru breathed in deeply. His arms tightened around you again, one hand lowering to your hip to press you back against him. You held your breath as he nuzzled the side of your neck.
“Hey, baby,” he murmured, voice thick with sleep. He curled further around you, molding your body against his. It made you feel weak. “What time is it?”
You turned to the clock again, cheeks burning. “7:48.”
“Shit!” Satoru flew up, making it from the far side of the bed to the bathroom in one fluid motion. The door slammed and you stared at it for a moment before you started to giggle. Well, so much for breakfast.
It’s 7:51 when the bathroom door flies open to reveal Satoru in all his shirtless glory, muscles rippling as he tears through his closet, toothbrush clenched between his teeth. Then it’s back to the bathroom, door not quite shut, and you have to make yourself turn away from the sliver of pale skin you can see through the crack. You hear him spit, then the door swings open again. 7:53. He’s fumbling the last few buttons on his shirt, long legs carrying him to the mirror in the corner.
“Sorry, babe, I have an errand I have to run before the meeting this morning.” He runs a hand through his hair, turning his head side to side, and then spins and walks toward you. “Tow company will be here to pick you up at nine.” He bends down, planting his hands on either side of your shoulders, and kisses you passionately before sprinting out the door. “Call me if they give you any trouble!”
The front door slams, and seven minutes after waking up, the whirlwind that is your best friend storms out the front door. You raise a hand unconsciously to your lips.
What in the world?
By the time you manage to haul yourself out of bed, after an already eventful morning, you’ve convinced yourself that this is simply more practice. Building habits, as it were, so as not to raise suspicion when you inevitably end up out with his family, out with friends.
It makes perfect sense.
You brush your teeth and get dressed, in the same clothes you wore here yesterday, and open your laptop to get a little work done before the tow company picks you up. Just as Satoru said they would, they ring the bell at nine sharp. You stuff your laptop into your bag, locking the door with your spare key, and follow the driver to his truck.
You make polite small-talk with the driver- mostly about your crappy car- for the short drive to the tow yard, thanking him as he holds the door open for you. When you turn toward the office, he stops you.
“Oh, miss, I have your key right here.”
He hands you a key that certainly isn’t yours. You look from it to him.
“This isn’t my key.”
The driver scratches the back of his neck, pointing across the lot. “Well, according to Mr. Gojo, it is.”
You turn to see a shiny new coupe with a massive red bow on the hood. You blink at it, then turn back to the driver. “Where’s my car?”
He shifts his weight nervously. “I don’t rightly know, miss. Mr. Gojo called yesterday and said not to worry about it. Said he’d be dropping off a new one- nothing but the best for his fiancée. Came by this morning, handed me the key himself.”
You turn back to the car in stunned silence.
“I can see about getting your old car back, miss…”
“No, thank you.” You turned to smile at the driver. “I can take it up with my fiancé.”
The driver nodded, shuffling off to the office in the center of the lot at great speed. You walked over to your new ill-gotten vehicle, circling it slowly. This was a huge gift.
You let yourself into the driver’s seat, reveling in the luxury of a vehicle younger than yourself, let alone one of such caliber. Then, calmly, you dialed Satoru’s number.
The phone rang twice, and then he picked up with a joyous “Love of my life!”
You sucked down a breath, and then roared into the phone. “GOJO!”
——————————————————————
The final weeks until the wedding are so busy that you hardly have time to think about the day itself, but they’re a raging success.
You and Satoru go apartment hunting, despite your protests, and end up with a penthouse apartment with an office, a guest room, and more space than you know how to decorate. He hires a moving company to pack your humble, cozy apartment and his sleek one, refusing to hear any protests about keeping your lease.
“Baby, I’ve been trying to get you out of that shithole for years. You really think I’m letting this opportunity pass me by?” You grumble about making rent and he tugs you close with an arm around your shoulders, pressing a kiss to the side of your head. “Rent, as if. Consider it repayment for going along with all this.”
You don’t bother pointing out that “all this” was your idea in the first place; you know it would be useless.
Your parents fly in the week of the wedding and insist on taking you and Satoru out for dinner “one last time before the big day” as thanks for Satoru’s generosity in putting them up in “such a lovely hotel”.
You go to your final fitting and your dress is perfect, curving and flowing in all the right places. Your mother cries, and that sets you to crying too.
Satoru kisses you, more than once. He kisses you first thing every morning when you emerge from his room, kisses you each time you pass each other over the course of the days, kisses you last thing at night before making himself comfortable on the couch. You have to force yourself not to ask him to stay in the bed with you, afraid of what you might do if he agrees.
You have to remind yourself that none of this is real.
Shoko comes to town, determined not to miss the big event despite the space that’s opened up between her and Satoru. Seeing them together, you realize that it probably never opened at all. It’s Suguru’s space; a tiny, infinite rift between them. You can see how bittersweet the reunion is, for both of them, and find yourself hoping that it won’t be the last time they meet. Hoping that they can both heal until they can really be friends again.
You have an incredibly tense dinner with Satoru’s parents, made all the more stressful by the agreement to do everything to sell them on the idea that you’re hopelessly in love with each other. At dinner, you hold hands through every course, constantly looking at each other with syrupy smiles and fluttering lashes. When you retire to the restaurant’s overpriced lounge for drinks, Satoru pulls you down into his lap, holding you firmly in place the entire time. He only has one drink, but he gets noticeably more handsy as the contents of his glass disappear.
You ruffle his hair affectionately, leaning down to whisper in his ear.
Only the fact that his parents are sitting feet away stops you from asking whether there’s something in his pocket, or whether he’s just happy to see you. “Lightweight,” you breathe instead, trying not to move too much lest he notice his body’s reaction and push you away. He giggles, dragging you forward to plant a sloppy kiss on your mouth. You allow yourself to relish the moment, embracing the longing you’ve begun to feel. For his parents’ benefit, you tell yourself. You’re only doing your part to sell the lie.
You can practically feel the steam coming from his mother’s ears.
Standing on Satoru’s balcony the night before the wedding, he levels you with the most serious expression you’ve ever seen from him. “Are you sure about this?”
You think back on the past months, comparing them to all the years before. What had even changed, besides the fact that now, you were friends who sometimes kissed? Who sometimes came dangerously close to feeling each other up? What had changed, besides the fact that now, you were almost certain that you’d never moved past your feelings for him?
You forced yourself to relax and smile. “I’m sure.”
Satoru took your hands in his, turning you to face him. “You’re giving up a lot for me.”
That made you laugh. You looked up, pleased to see the curve of amusement on his lips. “What am I giving up? It’s not like I’d be spending my time with anyone else. Besides, you’ve bought me a beautiful ring, a gorgeous dress, and a brand new car. I think I’m actually gonna come out of this pretty far ahead.”
“Don’t forget the penthouse,” he teased, and your smile dropped to a deadpan.
“Satoru, we’ve discussed the penthouse.” He waved this off. “I’m not keeping it!” you protested.
“Yeah, we’ll see.” He grinned down at you, breeze lifting his hair from his forehead. Without meaning to, you reached up to smooth it back, thumb running over the scar over his eyebrow. He cleared his throat, growing somber. “This time tomorrow, we’re going to be married.”
You let your fingertips drift down his cheek, allowing yourself just one more private moment of weakness before your heart ended up on display tomorrow for everyone to see. Hopefully, everyone but him. You nodded, suddenly at a loss for words. For all his sweetness, you’d seldom seen the tenderness he bent on you in the smile he offered. His eyes were liquid, soft as ever, when he raised your hand to his lips.
“Let’s get some sleep,” he murmured, and you agreed, if only to escape before his attention caused you to crumble.
——————————————————————
The wedding day itself is surreal, and it passes in a blur. You wake in Satoru’s bedroom with a bouquet of roses on the bedside, along with a note in his bold writing.
“To the best friend I’ve ever had, thank you for putting up with my shit and having my back. We both know that I’m a treasure. I only hope you know that you are, too. You deserve the world, and I will lay it at your feet. On this, our wedding day, I alone am the honored one.”
The note is signed with a flourish of his name. You smile as you raise it to your lips, taking in the faint scent of his cologne. You are the honored one on this day. You lay the note next to your bra, fully intent on keeping it close, and then you hit the ground running.
You shower and brush your teeth and after that, it’s out the door to the waiting car to be driven to the vast Gojo estate. Despite spending time here as a child, the place is still incredibly intimidating with its marble arches and sprawling gardens. You feel your heartbeat speed as you see the decorations- fairy lights and tulle, vines and roses, black silk ribbons and eucalyptus branches.
It’s more beautiful than you could have imagined.
You make your way to the guest house and sit through an hour of hair and makeup, laughing with your mother about all the childish shenanigans you and Satoru have gotten up to over the years, and calm your anxious hands and stomach by sampling the hors d’oeuvres arranged prettily on silver platters.
Your father sits in the corner, eyes shining with pride and unshed tears. He’s got a cocktail of painkillers ready to go; nothing will keep him from walking with his little girl today.
You would feel guilty if Satoru weren’t already such a fixture in all of your lives. You only hope that your parents won’t be too hurt when this is all over.
It’s only once your parents step out so that you can change into your gown that Satoru’s mother visits you.
“Tell me, my dear, must we really continue this charade?”
You feel your heart prick with ice. “I assure you, Gojo-sama, that there is no charade,” you lie smoothly. “I love your son.” Just enough honesty to ring true.
Her glare is frozen. “I will give you six million yen if you walk out of here and away from my son.”
You raise your chin in defiance. “No.”
“Seven million.”
“You cannot buy me, no matter the price.”
“Ten million yen.”
Your ire has been steadily rising since she stepped into the room. Now, it eclipses your anxiety like a crashing wave. You lean forward, well into her space, and feel a mean thrill when she leans away from you. Your voice is cold. “I do not care what you think of me. But it’s clear that you have no concept of your son’s worth.” You tilt your head, summoning the haughtiest tone you’ve ever used. “You dishonor him.” His mother reels back, scowling.
“You don’t deserve my son,” she sneers.
You laugh at that. “I agree. Yet somehow, he’s decided otherwise.”
She peers down her nose at you. You expect another round of vitriol, but to your surprise, she turns on her heel to leave. Round one, you.
You blow out your breath, shake your hands, and straighten your shoulders. Within a few minutes, your parents are back and then it’s smooth sailing again.
Right up until you and your father hobble to the door to walk to the ceremony.
Your father starts to sniffle. You turn and realize that he’s tearing up, putting on his bravest face and doing his utmost not to blubber.
“Oh, papa,” you murmur. You turn to take his face in your hands. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, hime.” He reaches a hand up to your face, carefully avoiding your hair and touching lightly so as not to smear your makeup. “I am just so happy. Your mother and I used to talk about what a wonderful life you and Satoru would build together and now it’s finally beginning.”
The shock nearly knocks you off your feet. “You… what?”
He sniffles, patting your cheek and lowering his head to compose himself. “You make an old man proud. There’s no one else I’d rather give you away to.”
You move your mouth, but can’t form any words.
And then, it’s time. The great door creaks open and you tilt your head down to hide your expression. You take a few deep, steadying breaths before raising your head… and promptly losing them.
The lawn is surprisingly empty, though you suppose his parents planned it that way. Regardless, every face fades as you set eyes on Satoru.
Satoru, the best and oldest friend you’ve ever had.
Satoru, who’s always been in your corner, no matter what.
Satoru, who looks devastatingly handsome in black and white, with a boutonniere of one, single rose almost the same color as his eyes. Almost, but not quite. Satoru, whose eyes are wider than ever, staring slack-jawed as you make your way toward him down the aisle, moving slowly for your fathers’ sake. Satoru, whose hands drop from where they’d been fiddling with his cuffs.
Satoru, who looks at you with such longing that you nearly collapse.
Your heart stops, and then sprints to make up for lost time.
This day is going to kill you.
You know that your face is bearing every emotion, that nothing is hidden in this instant.
And it’s nothing compared to the way he looks at you.
It’s all an act, you remind yourself. Tears spring to your eyes. All an act, but every person in this room is eating it up. Including you. When did he get so good at acting?
The corner of his lip curls in an awestruck smile and you’re a goner.
Who were you kidding?
You let the tears stream, grateful at least that they would lend authenticity to the performance. And for the first time, you feel your heart sink.
You’re just as in love with Satoru Gojo now as you had been at eleven years old.
You’d been a fool to think you’d get out of this unscathed.
Over the course of your mental collapse, Satoru’s smile widens until you can just make out the tiny dimples at the corners of his mouth that only ever show themselves when he’s at his happiest.
Deep breath in, deep breath out.
You just have to remember that it’s all for show.
You force yourself to smile.
And know instantly that you’ve made a mistake.
You had to be twenty paces or more away, but those dimples disappeared the moment your lips spread.
No one else would ever notice, but you did.
Because no one else would ever notice, but he had.
Those cyan eyes narrowed fractionally and you knew that he could tell that something was off. You could see the anxiety surfacing as you got close.
To feel so seen…
You pursed your lips, just by a hairs’ breadth, and Satoru’s face relaxed. The silent conversation you had in those last few steps did wonders to ease your nerves, and you could tell that it did the same for him. Between one heartbeat and the next, your father was kissing your cheek, placing your hand firmly in Satoru’s outstretched one.
You couldn’t hear a word anyone said- not your father, not the priest, not even Satoru. You blinked rapidly, finally locking eyes with your fiancé.
“Baby? Are you okay?” he whispered, and you could tell from the slight strain in his voice that he was repeating the question.
You squeezed his hands. “I’m okay,” you whispered back. You let yourself fall into your role, embracing the fantasy. You felt nearly giddy. “Let’s get married.”
And oh, there was that smile again, canyon-wide and dimpled just for you. “Let’s.”
You could hardly concentrate enough to repeat your vows, too caught up in the way Satoru’s eyes sparkled, locked onto you. Too mesmerized by the way his mouth moved to truly hear what he said. Before your head could catch up with the feelings speeding through your heart, Satoru was wrapping a strong arm around your waist, pulling you firmly to his chest. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from his smile.
“Hi, wifey.” And then he leaned forward and pressed his lips to yours. You couldn’t stop your hands coming up to cradle his face; couldn’t stop your mad smile when he bent you back nearly parallel to the ground; couldn’t stop the shudder that ran down your spine at the soft moan he let out when you ran your tongue along the seam of his lips. They parted, allowing you to lick along the inside of his lip before you bit down softly.
Only the applause from your guests covered the animalistic growl that tore itself from his throat.
You felt a heady thrill at your apparent power and giggled. After a heated moment and a shaky breath, so did Satoru. He straightened, pulling you up with him, and raised your joined hands overhead for all to see.
Mr. and Mrs. Satoru Gojo.
——————————————————————
For being largely made up of Satoru’s colleagues and the elder Gojo’s business acquaintances, your guests were incredibly gracious. Every person seemed to want to personally convey their best wishes; a happy marriage, good fortunes, continued health. You and Satoru thanked each person in turn, holding hands all the while.
And each time someone new came to express their pleasure, you felt your mind and heart crack just a bit more under the weight of the lie.
“We’re almost done,” he murmured against your ear. You’d finally made your way to the dance floor, taking solace in the security and solitude of Satoru’s arms. You nodded, cheek rubbing against his chest. “You okay?” he asked.
You nodded again. “Just counting down the minutes until we can go home.”
He chuckled, drawing you closer. “Well, tell you what, then. Let me go say goodnight to my parents and then we can leave, okay?” You smiled up at him, grateful.
“That sounds wonderful, husband.”
He grinned at you with a childish sort of glee. “Glad to hear it, wife.” He leaned down, pressed a soft kiss to your lips, and then spun you away from himself. “I’ll meet you by the altar in a few minutes?”
You smiled over your shoulder, turning to survey the crowd. Your parents had left an hour ago with profuse apologies; your father’s medication was wearing off and he was going to need to be off his feet, quickly. You waved and smiled at the few friends of Satoru’s you knew- Kento Nanami, Yu Haibara, Utahime Iori, Kiyotaka Ijichi- and waded through the crowd of celebrating people.
Satoru had asked whether it bothered you that none of your friends had come. The truth was that when life got busy and your friends stopped reaching out, when no one could accept how much time and emotion you put into Satoru after the incident, you’d let most of those friendships slide. Why should you beg for anyone’s attention when the only person whose attention you truly craved centered on you to begin with?
You’d never regretted that conviction, never even questioned it. Not even today.
You made rounds to the tables that gestured you over for long minutes before excusing yourself, breaking for the altar. You were passing an alcove when you heard Shoko’s voice, and you felt yourself perk up. You hadn’t had a chance to thank her for coming, and you wanted to make sure that you didn’t miss the opportunity to talk to her. Even if you didn’t feel the need to have a lot of friends, it would be refreshing to have a girl friend again- and she’d been important to Satoru, once. You wanted to make sure that she knew her presence was more than welcome in your lives.
It was only once you reached the garden wall that you realized she didn’t sound happy.
Then you heard Satoru’s voice.
“I just really don’t understand why you’re making such a big deal out of this!”
“Because, Satoru! I understand that you care for her, but I really think you’re making the biggest mistake of your life!”
“Then let me make it!” Satoru roared, and the words had you breaking out into a cold sweat.
They couldn’t mean…?
He seemed to remember where they were and lowered his voice. “Then let me make it. If it’s such a huge mistake, you’ll be the first to know, alright? I’ll call you myself. ‘Shoko, you were right, I never should have married her.’ Is that what you want to hear?”
Your hands flew to cover your mouth, but they weren’t quick enough to muffle the pained sound that escaped you. You darted to put your back to the bower leading into their little section of the garden, praying to all the gods that you hadn’t been heard. For once, despite Satoru’s involvement, they listened.
Shoko sighed. “No, Satoru, it’s not. I just want you to be happy. I just don’t think you’re-”
You raised your hands to cover your ears and bolted away. You didn’t care how childish it was, you couldn’t bear to hear another word. You ran, heels catching small rocks and roots as you held your breath in an effort not to cry. If the tears fell, your face would puff up and your makeup would be ruined. There would be questions. You couldn’t deal with questions, especially not now.
You tucked yourself into the greenhouse and sucked down mouthfuls of cool air, staring straight at the ceiling. That was supposed to help, wasn’t it?
You couldn’t stay here for too long. You had to get control of yourself, and quickly. You tried desperately to conjure up any happy memories that didn’t involve Satoru and came up woefully short.
Maybe you needed some friends of your own, after all.
You breathed in, held, released. Breathed in, held, released. You repeated this until your hands stopped shaking, and then did it five more times for good measure. You straightened your shoulders. Then you walked back out into the throng. Head held high, smile firmly in place, you strode to the altar, catching sight of Satoru as he stepped out of the shade of a tree and into view.
Your breath caught in your throat. He was so beautiful. He beamed when he saw you, looking a touch deflated, but irritation all but vanished. You knew by the subtle shift of his eyebrows, though, that your own smile wasn’t fooling him.
——————————————————————
The ride back to your new penthouse was blessedly short, and blessedly quiet. With a driver from his parents’ staff, neither of you dared to say a word of meaning, settling on holding hands and whispering to each other about dinner and movies and sleep instead. When the car stopped, Satoru was out in a flash to open your door, handing you out like some Victorian lady. No matter how confused you felt, it made your mouth twitch up in a smile.
He led you through the apartment lobby and into the private elevator to your new home, even holding the door open for the driver following with a cart of wedding gifts. You clutched his hand the whole ride up, gluing yourself to his side even if you couldn’t bring yourself to look up at him. You could feel the worried glances he shot your direction when the driver wasn’t looking, though.
As soon as the elevator door opened, he was sweeping you up into his arms, striding purposefully across the short hall to your front door. You let yourself laugh as he managed to fish the keys out of his pocket without letting you slide so much as an inch, and swooned dramatically as he kicked in the door. He kissed you again and you felt your heart clench painfully. Then he turned to the driver, thanking him for his service and advising that he leave, lest he see something he’d rather not.
You’d never seen someone excuse themselves so quickly.
You both paused once the door clicked shut, waiting for the chime of the elevator, and then Satoru lowered you gently to the floor. You turned quickly, practically running into the living room. You began unfastening your jewelry, anything to keep your hands and eyes busy.
“Sweetheart?” He was worried. You knew better than to try to hide from him, but you’d hoped you could have even a moment longer to collect your thoughts. The drive here hadn’t been nearly long enough. “Baby, what’s wrong?” He was halfway across the room already. You knew that if he touched you, you’d lose your nerve.
“What did Shoko mean by ‘the biggest mistake of your life’?” The words were out before you could think better of them.
Abruptly, his footsteps stopped. The silence was deafening. With shaking hands, you laid your wedding jewelry on the coffee table, steeling yourself for whatever answer Satoru gave you.
You turned to face him and found him looking ashen and sick.
He swallowed hard.
“You heard that?”
Somehow, you’d expected something different. A denial, an indignant retort, even a joke. You scoffed in disbelief, only it didn’t sound much like a scoff. It sounded like a sob.
Satoru took two steps forward before stopping at your raised hand.
“Listen, I can explain.”
“Explain what, Gojo?” A look of profound hurt crossed his face at your use of his family name, but you couldn’t… You had to put some distance between you. You didn’t want to believe that there was any truth to the words, but you knew now that there had to be.
“You didn’t even argue with her! ‘The worst mistake of your life’?” He flinched then, finally breaking eye contact to look across the room past you. You choked on your tears, voice coming out harsh around the growing lump in your throat. “I know you never wanted to be married, but I-I thought I was helping you. I thought you wouldn’t care since it was only temporary. I thought you said this would be fun! You never told me you were having second thoughts!”
“You’re right, I didn’t,” he said softly. “Shoko thinks I’m making a mistake because… because I’ve been in love with you since we were children.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he was reeling back, breathing ragged as his hands went to his hair, as though maybe he’d never said the words aloud. As though maybe he’d never admitted them to himself. You nearly staggered backward, too. “Please, sweetheart, just let me explain. I swear, I-”
“You’re in love with me?” you whispered. Your heart raced, hope lighting your veins aflame. Tears had been building since the conversation started. They began to run down your cheeks now, and you saw Satoru move as though he was going to come to you, to do anything to make them stop, before forcing himself to stand still. He’d always hated to see you cry.
He clenched his fists. His eyes slid shut, and the pain evident on his face was so great that you flashed, for a moment, to him waking up in that hospital bed; bindings around his wounds and tubing in his arms, oxygen mask on his face, waking so slowly, so grievously wounded that he’d asked you if he was dead.
“I would never,” he began slowly, “have made you stay.” He let that sink in before continuing, so softly that you could barely hear him. “I thought…” His voice trailed off as he sank to his knees, almost as though the words had sapped him of the strength to bear his own weight.
“I’m sorry, baby, I’m so sorry. I never meant for this to happen. I tried so hard not to feel the way I felt. I know you never felt the same about me.”
Just like that, all of the pieces clicked into place. Every blank expression at every stupid joke or offhanded comment you’d made about your inevitable divorce; every flash of doubt, of disappointment in his eyes when you brought up that it was only a fake marriage; the way he’d answered Shoko, as if it hurt him to say the words; the fury he’d felt toward his parents; even the way he’d detached himself from you when your kisses had been too heated. He’d been afraid.
You began to shake your head.
Shoko thought he was making a mistake because she thought you didn’t love him.
Because Satoru thought you didn’t love him.
He hadn’t stopped talking while your world crumbled around you.
“I thought that this was it, my chance for a little piece of all my dreams. I thought that I could have you by my side, just for a little while, that I could kiss you just once, and that it could carry me through the rest of my life.”
Your mind was spinning in a thousand directions, including a hysterical amusement. “You kissed me a lot more than once,” you whispered, a near-automated response borne of your shared sense of humor.
Satoru let out a strangled noise. “I was selfish.” You opened your mouth to protest, to deny it, to say that you didn’t mean it like that- to tell him you loved him. But he barreled on, voice strained.
“When you said you’d had a crush on me all those years ago, I thought ‘what if I could make her fall in love with me?’ I thought ‘this could be the rest of my life.’ And then you kissed me in the gym, and I knew that I had to try something, anything, everything. I knew that I…” He sucked in a deep breath and let out a breathless, awful, self-loathing laugh. “I thought that I couldn’t survive on just one kiss.”
He hung his head, burying his face in his hands. “Shoko knew the moment that she saw us together that I’d never told you how I felt. She figured it out so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to deny it.”
You’d unconsciously moved closer as he’d spoken. You threaded your fingers lightly through his hair and the air went out of him. He folded forward, hands coming to rest on either side of your feet.
“Please, baby, please forgive me. Shoko was right, it was unfair. It was so unfair to you. I’m so sorry.”
You tilted his head back to look up at you. He let you do it with a sharp intake of breath, gazing up at you with so much feeling that it nearly swept you off your feet.
“Please, sweetheart, say something. Anything,” he pleaded. He’d leaned forward to wrap his hands around the backs of your knees, drawing you closer to him. “Please.”
You had never in your life, ever heard Satoru beg for anything. Your heart galloped in your chest.
“You weren’t unfair,” you whispered. You opened your mouth to say more, but he was already stuttering out more apologies as if you hadn’t spoken. If he was experiencing anything like the roaring in your ears, he probably hadn’t heard you.
“Please, please, forgive me. I’ll do anything. We can get an annulment tomorrow if you want, to hell with my parents. Just please, let me make it right. I’ll never say another word about this, not one.” He pressed his face further into your thighs, murmuring against the fabric. “I can’t be without you. I would die without you.”
Everything in your chest constricted violently.
Of course, Satoru had a penchant for wild dramatics, making insane exaggerations out of anything and everything. A papercut was a mortal wound, a stubbed toe a shattered leg; a few degrees too warm and it was the seventh circle of hell, a few degrees too cool and it was the ninth; a runny nose might as well be a terminal illness, and boredom was just as serious.
This was not one of those exaggerations.
You didn’t want to think about a life without him, couldn’t dream of it, not even in your worst nightmares. Separating the two of you from each other was impossible, in any circumstance, in any world.
You knelt down, slotting your legs with Satoru’s, and tugged him forward by his hair. Your breaths mingled in the infinite, infinitesimal space between you, before you kissed him. The groan he let out was that of a wounded animal- pleading, haunted, and full of despair- as his hands rose to your cheeks. You could feel his restraint in the way his hands held you from coming any closer, in the way he barely moved his slack mouth, letting you kiss him.
“Please,” he whispered again, and you could hear his heart breaking on the word. “Please don’t leave me. You can’t say goodbye to me. Not like this.”
“You idiot,” you whispered. Slowly, between kisses, you murmured, “Don’t you know I’ve been in love with you since the day we met?” Against all odds, Satoru pulled back from you, holding your face away from his between shaking hands.
“Say it again,” he whispered, voice shot.
“I’ve been in love with you-” And then, he’s kissing you, and there’s nothing restrained about it, and you realize just how much he must have been holding back when he’d kissed you before.
This isn’t his stunned inaction from the kiss in the gym; not the gentle exploration of your practice kissing, where it should have been obvious that he meant to memorize the way it felt; not the giddy, showy kiss from the altar and certainly not the chaste, PG kisses you’d shared throughout the reception.
No. This kiss was all-consuming, desperate. Like Satoru meant to devour you, and maybe he did. He lapped at the inside of your lips, moaning softly. His long fingers roved over your body, pulling you closer until you gasped, and even that seemed to be not enough.
He let out an impatient noise, low in the back of his throat, before dragging you forward and up in one fluid motion. His hands gripped you with near-bruising force, pulling you by your knees to wrap your legs around him, and then your back hit the cool glass wall of your penthouse with a dull thud.
You half gasped, half giggled through Satoru’s apologies, muffled by the incessant slide of his lips on yours. His lean, hard body pressed fully along yours, moving against you almost of its own accord. You could feel the thundering of his heart against your chest. With his hips pinning yours to the wall, he lifted one hand from its place at your waist to grip the back of your neck.
Your hands finally, after all of the shock and movement of what was probably only the last 20 or so seconds, landed in his hair to tangle in the snowy strands. Satoru keened into your mouth, pressing even harder against you, a vibrating mass of wiry muscle and lanky elegance. You dropped one hand to squeeze at his bicep and wondered how you had ever ignored how hot your best friend was.
The hand on the back of your neck tightened, tilting your head to deepen the kiss, allowing Satoru to stroke your tongue with his, gentle and searching and urgent all at once. The hand at your waist pulled you relentlessly forward, molding your bodies together, and you squeezed your legs to keep his hips locked against yours.
Satoru was murmuring against your lips, against the sensitive skin of your throat, against the shell of your ear, hot breath lighting your skin on fire where it touched. You caught only snatches of what he was saying, a litany of praise and pleading.
“I love you, I love you, I want you, I need you, stay with me, don’t leave me, let me please you, my wife, my wife, my perfect wife.”
Your head thumped against the wall as you tilted it back, granting him access to leave a trail of sloppy kisses from your mouth to your ear, down your throat to your collarbone, across the sheer material of your wedding gown to bite softly at your shoulder.
“Marry me,” he groaned.
You couldn’t help the airy giggle that bubbled up. “I already did.”
“Marry me for real,” he whined, breathless.
“Yes. Of course, yes.” “Yes,” he hissed, finally shifting away from your poor living room wall with you in his arms. He stumbled down the hallway, drunk on you, toward your marital bedroom, unable to stop kissing you. “I’ve been in love with you for so long that I don’t even know who I am without loving you. If I’m even a person without loving you.”
“I was so afraid that you didn’t love me the way I loved you that I spent years trying to convince myself that I didn’t love you, but I never could,” you confessed, words rushing out, and Satoru let out a sob against your throat.
“I could never not love you,” he groaned. “Never in a million years, not in any life. I have wanted you…”
He bit the sentence off, stumbling as his knees hit the bed. He lowered you reverently to the plush duvet with an arm braced above your head, kisses slowing and softening as he stroked your cheek. “I’ve always wanted to marry you,” he murmured. “I’ve wanted you for so…” He trailed off, trembling as your hands slid up beneath his shirt to trace the lithe muscles of his back, and nuzzled behind your ear. He moaned brokenly. “Tell me if I’m moving too fast,” he whispered. “Tell me if you want to stop.”
You traced your hands down his sides, revelling as he panted in your ear. You raised your knees to stroke his thighs, his hips, before wrapping your legs slowly, deliberately around his slim waist, locking your heels at the small of his back. He took a great, shuddering breath, instinctively bending toward you when you raised your hands to shuck off his tuxedo jacket. Your fingers danced up to unbutton his vest before moving to his shirt, torturously slowly. You forced yourself to take your time, forced yourself not to yank and hope that the buttons would fly off like in some cheesy rom-com.
By the time you finished, you almost worried that Satoru would shake apart above you. He looked absolutely ruined; jaw clenched, eyes squeezed shut, a euphoric pain painted across every feature. You let your eyes rove his beautiful body, tracing scars with sight and touch alike until you reached the waistband of his trousers. All of the breath went out of him in a loud whoosh, and he dropped the hand stroking your face to the mattress to stop himself from crushing you. His eyes snapped open, a brilliant, dark turquoise nearly eclipsed by shimmering black. His mouth hung open, lust and love and disbelief warring as he frantically searched your face.
You crooked a tiny smile at him, and then leaned up until your lips brushed his. “I don’t want to stop.” He whined, surging forward to kiss you, grinding his hips down to yours with delicious pressure. “I think… we’ve waited… long enough,” you panted between kisses.
Oftentimes, Satoru couldn’t shut up. You’d been friends for so long that his incessant chatter ceased to phase you in the slightest. But you’d never heard him talk so much.
Any time his smart mouth wasn’t occupied with you, it was running. He alternated between babbling praise and incoherent adoration and begging you, though for what, you couldn’t be sure, since he was, by his own distraught admissions, getting everything he’d ever wanted, dreamed of, hoped for, waited for. He couldn’t seem to stop, and it stoked your ego in ways you’d never known you’d wanted, never imagined could turn you on so much.
And despite his obvious anguish, despite the delicious agony it took to exert his control, despite fifteen or more years of never daring to hope, or perhaps because of that, he put you first just like he always did, following only once he was satisfied that you had been, too.
——————————————————————
It hadn’t been the wedding night you’d expected- as far from traditional as it was from the plan- but you wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world, no matter how it had come about.
In the watery sunlight, you rolled to face your husband. Husband. He loosened his grip to let you, hand coming to rest on your bare hip as you settled to face him. His eyes bored into yours, sharp and bright as a storm.
“Hey,” you whispered.
“Hey,” he replied, and the low rumble of his voice sent a shiver of pleasure down your spine and straight between your aching thighs.
You reached up, carding your hands through his hair, and marvelled at the way his eyes fluttered closed. He was like putty beneath your touch. He turned to kiss your palm, drawing your hand down to cover his heart. He stared at you intensely.
“Tell me I’m not dreaming,” he murmured.
You raised one eyebrow in amusement. “That’d be some dream.”
“Best dream of my life.” He pulled you flush against him, pressing his lips to yours and sliding his tongue across your teeth, morning breath be damned. “Be better if it never ended.” He kissed from the corner of your mouth across your jaw, to that sensitive spot behind your ear. “Be best if it wasn’t a dream at all.”
You gripped his neck, pulling him closer, drowning in him. “It’s not a dream,” you whispered.
“Thank goodness,” he groaned. He rolled over to pin you to the bed, hands coming up to lace his fingers with yours. “I am so in love with you.” He traced your rings with one finger, lips spreading in a sleepy, adoring smile. “My beautiful wife.”
You giggled, face splitting in an uncontrollable smile, and leaned up to kiss him. “And I am so in love with you.” Another kiss as you stroked his ring in return. “My handsome husband.” And if the curve of his lips against your jaw and the movement of his body against yours was anything to go by, you were about to be shown how in love with you he was all over again.
Yeah, you could get used to this.
#nightingale writes#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo satoru#gojo#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x fem! reader#gojo x reader#gojo x fem! reader#best friend! satoru gojo#best freind! gojo#friends to lovers#idiots to lovers#fake marriage
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beneath the mask ✩ chapter 2 ⬅ ch. 1
➠𝐌𝐃𝐍𝐈; 𝟏𝟖+ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓; 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 ➠SIMON "GHOST" RILEY X AFAB!READER ➠CHAPTER TAGS | afab!reader. kinda mean!ghost. drinking. wc 2.3k. ➠AUTHOR'S NOTE | so glad you're all liking the story so far! hope you like this chapter as well. like i mentioned before, i havent actually played this game lmao so pls excuse any plot inaccuracies. i'm going off of wikipedia and lets plays of the game on youtube. there will definitely be plot points that don't quite line up with the actual game. oh and just fyi, i do not have a tag list. sorry!!
𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ✩ 𝐜𝐨𝐝 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 ✩ 𝐦𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
you awoke the following morning with a splitting headache, someone shaking you back and forth only increasing the pain. you squinted your eyes open to see your friend leaning over you.
“what?” you said through gritted teeth, not holding back any snark.
“smith and jamerson got pulled into something early this morning. you’re the only medic on base and gaz is bleeding out in the infirmary.”
you shot up in bed, almost slamming foreheads with your friend. “shit. why didn’t you start with that?” you hissed, stumbling out of bed and blindly yanking on clothes.
it didn’t take you long to appear in the cold and barren infirmary, a laughing gaz stretched out on a bed filling your vision when you came storming in.
he was laughing?
“gaz,” you began, approaching him. he looked away from ghost, who had apparently been bearable enough to make kyle laugh whilst ‘bleeding out’.
gaz mimicked you and repeated your name, a stupid grin on his face.
“i was told you were bleeding out,” you said with a bit of annoyance on your tongue as you slowly strolled up to the man.
“well, i am bleeding,” he said, holding his hand up, poorly wrapped in white linen that had turned a rusty red.
you rolled your eyes and grabbed his hand, turning it over in your own. “did you do this?” you asked, referring to the shitty bandage job.
“not bad, right?” he said with a cheeky grin.
“you’ve got to be kidding, gaz,” your fingers came up to grip the bridge of your nose. “look at it. it's so loose that dirt and debris have gotten into it. you’ll get an infection if i don’t redo it.” you shook your head. “how long has it been like this?”
“several hours, i think.” gaz looked at ghost who ever so slightly shook with a silent laugh. “i dont know, i think i did a pretty fabulous job, but if you insist.” his words were soft and airy and you cocked a brow at him.
“he’s doped up,” ghost’s guttural voice said from beside you. that would explain gaz’s nonchalance. “got properly decked in the ribs. wouldn’t be surprised if he broke a couple.”
your eyes narrowed at gaz. “gaz,” you said exhaustedly with a hint of reprimand. he looked at you with puppy-dog eyes and you stifled a giggle.
you went to work on gaz, checking his ribs for fractures and cleaning and rebandaging his hand. you were trying excruciatingly hard to not think about ghost’s eyes on you as you moved about the room. you could feel his glare like flames licking your skin.
finished with gaz, you switched gears and went to ghost’s bedside. he had refused to sit still and had his feet hanging over the edge while he cleaned one of his guns. he looked up at you and you could have sworn you saw something like reverence in his eyes.
you went to change ghost’s bandages now, gaz already snoring behind you, making you smile to yourself.
“goin’ back t’my room today,” ghost told you.
“that’s not a good idea, l.t.” you gently nudged his chest and he sat the gun down beside him and laid back. your fingertips lit like a match at just the small physical contact.
“well good thing I wasn’t askin’.”
why did he always have to be so blunt? you grit your teeth as you finished up, avoiding any unnecessary contact with his skin.
“i’ll only need to keep an eye on you the next two days. just to make sure there's no infection. then it’s easy sailing from there. i’ll show you how to clean–”
“i’m not daft. been hurt before. didn’t have some medic on call then, either.”
some medic. you weren’t sure why that stung. you felt stupid all of a sudden; of course he’s been injured before. he likely knew the drill like the back of his hand. you suspected under all his gear there were battle wounds that would take a full day just for him to go over the story behind each one.
“well, only two more days with me. then i’ll be out of your hair,” you mumbled.
you felt pathetic for wanting him to reply. to assure you that you didn’t annoy him or that he didn’t mind seeing you. but he just remained silent until you turned and left the room.
you found soap later that day digging through papers sprawled out on the coffee table before him. “didn’t know you could read,” you teased.
he looked up at you with a grin. you stood behind him to get a look at what he was reading. “jus’ goin’ over the dossier for our next mission.”
“ our ?” you questioned.
“since you’re the only medic available at the moment. yes, you’ll be coming along for the ride.”
“oh, don’t i feel so special,” you said sarcastically.
“i woulda asked for you regardless.”
“didn’t know you could make medic requests.”
“ya can’t.”
you collapsed next to him on the couch, sighing before you glazed over the words on the sheets.
“wait, ‘Hassan’?” you said perking up and pointing to the man’s name. “this seems serious.” you looked at soap with concern.
“not gonna be an easy one, that’s for sure.”
“but, soap, i can barely use a gun, let alone fight. this seems like i might get killed if…” you trailed off, your heart beginning to race. you weren’t used to going along for intimate missions like this. you usually were held back at base or brought alongside a slew of other medics. but with everyone else gone…
“don’t worry, lass,” he said bumping your shoulder with his own. “we’ll get ya trained up. it’s not for another two weeks when Hassan should be in Al Mazrah.”
that didn’t exactly make you feel any better. these men have been training their whole life. and you got two weeks?
soap could see the worry spread across your visage. “you’ll have me, gaz, price, and ghost to protect ya.”
“no,” you shook your head. “i can’t become a liability. you guys will have far more important things to focus on.”
“yer not a liability . we need you. there's a good chance that if we capture Hassan, he’ll be hurt. it’s crucial we keep him alive.”
“and that’s where i come in,” you said gloomily.
“you’re there for us too,” he said smiling at you. soap always did appreciate everything the medics did for the team. he never treated you any differently than the other soldiers. you leaned against him, your heart racing at the idea of what was to come.
it was late at night when ghost was due for another cleaning. you made it to his door and softly knocked. you paused a moment but didn’t hear anything in return so you quietly pushed the door open.
the room was dark but you could see the faint silhouette of ghost hunched over on the edge of his bed. your hand hit the wall, searching for the light switch.
“wait,” his deep voice rumbled. you paused all movement and heard the soft rustle of fabric as ghost shuffled. you saw the illuminated outline of him as he pulled his mask over his face. your heart skipped a beat realizing he was sitting in here without it on. “okay.”
you ticked the light switch and met his eyes immediately. he had on his thin balaclava as opposed to the usual hard plastic of his skull mask. it felt like he was naked.
“why don’t you let anyone see you?” you asked timidly.
“why do you wanna see so bad?” he retorted, clearly already irritated with you.
“i..” you paused, thinking momentarily. “it’s not that i want to see what you look like. but don’t you find it, i don’t know,” you gestured your hands around nervously, “a bit lonely?”
“lonely?”
“i feel like i’d be lonely if i was always guarded.”
ghost appraised you for a moment, making you squirm uncomfortably. “well, i’m not lonely,” he grunted. okay, end of conversation, you thought.
you shifted the strap of your bag on your shoulder, “right. i’m sorry. i didn’t mean–”
“quit fuckin’ apologizing.”
you sucked in a sharp breath. “okay. sor–” before you could finish your sentence you stopped yourself.
you watched ghost roll his eyes. why did upsetting him make you feel so disconcerted? you tried to wipe your face of all expression but you knew he would be able to tell his words wounded you. it wasn’t fair– he could read everything on your face, but all he gave you was his eyes.
you bit your lip then approached him, wanting to get this over with. “if you wanna take off your shirt,” you said absentmindedly as you set your med bag down on his bed beside him.
he sat back slightly and hiked up his shirt, obviously not wanting to remove it fully. you weren’t sure why, but that made your face heat. it was a statement you’ve made a thousand times to men who had injuries on their torso or when you had to examine their chest. you hadn’t even thought about it when you said it. but when ghost clearly didn’t want to completely shed his clothes, you felt embarrassed, like you had asked for too much. and in a way, he was right. he didn’t need to completely be bare-chested for you to work on him. the wound was quite low on his abdomen.
you swallowed your embarrassment and cleaned and rebandaged his stitches. you saw an array of goosebumps rise on ghost’s skin from your featherlight touches as you worked. you finished quickly before shoving all your supplies forcibly in your med bag. you needed out of there asap.
you threw your bag on your shoulder and went to leave when ghost’s bare hands grabbed your wrist. he twirled you so effortlessly to face him again that it almost infuriated you.
you sucked in a breath of air as you looked at him a bit dumbfounded. ghost thought for a moment, his hand still firmly around your wrist.
“i don’t mean to be such an arse,” he grunted.
in a breathy tone you spoke back, “it’s fine. i don’t think that, you’re just—“
he cut you off. “no. i don’t have to be so fuckin' upfront with you all the time. you’re just tryin’ to do your job. i gotta remind myself your not one of my men.”
you nodded, holding in the hurt that echoed through you. he was being upfront with you? what did that mean? that he regrets just being honest? that wasn’t what you wanted to hear. you hated yourself for wanting him to say something along the lines of him just lashing out and he didn’t mean the shit he said to you. but he did mean the shit he said, he just regretted saying it out loud.
“not one of your men, right,” you repeated back. you weren’t one of his men. you were just a starstruck woman who had no fucking business working with the most elite men in the world. awesome.
ghost’s eyes darted between yours as if he wanted to say something more. that maybe he didn’t like the sullen tone you used when repeating his words back to him. as if he might have actually not intended for that implication. you could have sworn you saw his lips move under his mask like he was contemplating telling you he didn’t mean it like that.
but he was silent.
“really. it’s fine,” you mumbled. “i’ll see you tomorrow.”
ghost breathed your name, all too easily deciphering the hurt in your words. you wanted to bash your head against the wall for being so obvious. he was right. you weren’t meant for this line of work. you were too soft.
oh my god, were you going to cry?!
you ignored the flutter in your belly when he said your name and scurried out of the room, wanting to drown out your embarrassment with a swig of whiskey. this seemed to be a pattern with you two–ghost saying something a bit too real, you getting hurt and running out of the room like a baby.
you found soap back where you left him and you waltzed over to him with a bottle of whiskey in hand. he looked up at you and gave you a cheeky grin.
his smile shifted to something of concern when you deflated next to him on the sectional.
“ghost give ya a hard time?”
“no,” you lied. “just been a long day.”
soap took the bottle from you and took a drag. “long week, more like it.”
you chuckled before taking a sip. you passed the bottle back and forth a few more times until your body buzzed and your mouth wouldn’t let you swallow any more of the foul liquid.
“how do you guys drink this shit?” you asked, making a face of disgust.
“years of self-hatred,” he grinned.
you slouched against him.
“do you think i’m cut out for this?
he flipped through the pages of the dossier before glancing at you. “cut out for what?”
you gestured around you. “this. working with you guys. working for the best of the best.”
“'course i fuckin’ do.” he gave you a quizzical look. “why would you even ask that?”
you shrugged, keeping your eyes off of him.
your name escaped his lips making you finally look up at him. “you’re here for a reason. price doesn’t let just anyone join his team. i’ve seen what you can do, lass. you’re part of the best of the best .”
you smiled making him grin at you in return. “no more of this shit, okay?” he said softly, his scottish accent getting heavier the more he drank. you found it comforting.
“okay,” you agreed.
“now, lets find price so we can steal all his money with a few games of cards,” he said, lightly tapping your shoulder with his fist.
you laughed knowing good and well price could beat the two of you blindfolded.
chapter 3 ➡
#ghost#simon riley#smut#ghost cod#ghost x reader#ghost mw2#ghost smut#simon riley smut#cod#ghost fanfic#simon riley fanfic#ghost call of duty#ghost angst#cod mw2#cod fic#call of duty fanfic#mw2 fanfic#beneath the mask
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The way I loved you - Shadow's version
*A.N: sorry, I got lost reading some ff
"He is sensible and so incredible And all my single friends are jealous."
"Look at these beautiful flowers!" said Amy. "You have to tell me your secret, Sonic isn't the most romantic guy, ya' know" You were sitting in the living room of your apartment; it was small but cozy. There were plants in every corner, and despite the little time you had to settle in, you felt comfortable in this new house.
"And it's like, I couldn't ask for anything better," you said with a shy smile.
"That's fabulous! I'm so happy you gave yourself this chance... you know, since..."
"I know, I feel good, but I want to take it slow."
"And I feel perfectly fine."
When Amy left, you let yourself fall back onto your bed, in fact you didn't really feel fine. You missed him, you missed every moment. You couldn't blame Amy, you were too good at hiding your feelings. Only someone who knew you perfectly would notice you weren’t... happy. Actually, you didn't feel anything at all.
"... And it's 2 a.m., and I'm cursing your name. So in love that you act insane, and that's the way I loved you."
Every night, just before closing your eyes to sleep, you could feel his breath, his presence hadn't left you for a second in the last three months. Even though you didn't see him anymore, it was as if his memory was buried in your mind, like his image was tattooed on your heart, a mark you couldn't erase, one you didn’t want to erase. It hadn't been long since you met Dylan. He was actually nice, you'd bumped into him at the cafeteria, and he accidentally spilled your latte. After a thousand apologies, he offered to buy you a new one. You’d been hanging out three times, counting today, but when you told your friends about it, they were more than happy to see you back in the game.
"He respects my space, and never makes me wait, and he calls exactly when he says he will."
You checked your latest messages. Dylan had written "Goodnight and have fun, beautiful," after you mentioned you wouldn’t see him and would instead spend time with the girls.
"He's charming and endearing, and I'm comfortable."
"I'm comfortable," you said aloud, but when you were alone, hundreds of memories haunted you. Memories of when you had been so happy, loved like you never thought possible, cried, and suffered, but you did it all by his side. There he was again, always occupying your thoughts. At 2 p.m., when you had lunch, and again at 2 a.m., when you woke up startled by nightmares where you lost him over and over. You turned your phone back on, scrolling down to the bottom of your messages, and found his conversation. You read again the last message he had sent you: "I'll be late," with the date on the day you decided to move on with your life without him.
"He caused all of this. So… why do I feel like this?" you thought. You couldn't stop looking at the screen, hoping, wishing there was something more, that he had done something more. Suddenly, his status changed, he was online, and dots began to appear on the screen. He was typing. After three months of silence, he had finally reached out to you… your heart raced so fast you felt like it would burst out of your chest. The excitement, anxiety, fear, and anger were trying to take control of your body all at once. But when the dots disappeared, and his status went offline again, everything collapsed.
"Breaking down and coming undone, it's a rollercoaster kind of rush. And I never knew I could feel that much, and that's the way I loved you."
The next morning, you bumped into Dylan on your way to work. You talked about the weather, your outing with the girls, and his job. Dylan loved his job as an IT agent for GUN and loved to talk endlessly, something you weren’t used to. You limited yourself to nodding and smiling while he told you about the latest update he'd made to the criminal profiles platform at GUN.
"He can´t see the smile I'm faking and my heart's not breaking 'cause I'm not feeling anything at all."
As you walked through the GUN facilities and passed by the training center, memories flooded your mind. This time, you both had fought, but you didn't quite remember why...
You walked out of the training center, both fists clenched until your claws dug into your palms. You were upset, he hadn't respected the agreement to let you work, and his only defense had been, "You're not strong enough for this task, sorry." Once again, underestimating your abilities, even though, thanks to your effort, the last two missions you'd worked on together had gone wonderfully, and your colleagues praised your persistence. Of course, he was the team captain, and you didn’t expect different treatment just because you were his girlfriend; you simply expected him to start noticing your potential.
"And you were wild and crazy. Just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated. Got away by some mistake and now..."
"Stupid hedgehog," you muttered under your breath as the raindrops began to soak your body. The wind soon picked up, and what started as a small breeze had turned into a storm. You had to turn back, or you'd end up sick, and they'd send you home. Just as you were about to go back, you heard someone calling your name. It was him, standing a few meters away, his dark fur soaked, and every quill dripping. His chest fur, once fluffy, now seemed flat due to the water.
"If you're here to scold me again, keep it to yourself. I was about to go back." In a second, the hedgehog was right in front of you.
"I'm sorry," you heard him murmur. "Don’t disappear like that again." Something in his voice made your wall of anger break. There, in the rain, with his face drenched and his red eyes, now dimmed, just inches from yours, made him look so... vulnerable. "No… I didn’t mean that you can’t do it, it’s just that… thinking of you, alone, out there… no, no..." he stammered, looking away. You had never seen him like this. You were so used to his strong, disciplined personality. Worry was not a word you associated with him, but now you realized he was worried about you.
"Hey," you said, gently caressing his face. "It's okay, I’m here, and I’ll be fine because I’ll have the best captain to guide me" you smiled at him.
"The best captain?" he asked, his crimson eyes regaining their sparkle as he raised an eyebrow.
"Of course! Sonic doesn’t do things as badly as you think, and... we have you too," you joked, earning a snort from him. You smiled as he closed the distance between you, pulling you into an embrace. The surprise was evident in your eyes. You knew he hated public displays of affection, especially at work. He didn't want people thinking there was favoritism towards you. He tightened his embrace as he felt your body shivering because of the cold, moving his face close to yours placing a soft kiss that contained everything he couldn't express.
"I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain and It's 2 a.m., and I'm cursing your name. I'm so in love that I acted insane, and that's the way I loved you."
"Hey! Moon!" someone called, snapping you out of your thoughts. As you returned to the present, you found yourself staring at the training center. Dylan had his hand in front of your face, trying to get your attention. "Where did you go?"
"Ah... it's nothing," you said, scratching the back of your head, your cheeks still flushed from the memory. "See you later, Dylan." You walked towards the main offices, trying to avoid making eye contact with anyone else and trying to avoid running into him. When you reached the elevator, you heard a ring—a new notification. You quickly pulled out your phone and found a message. It was a simple interaction, just 3 words put together, but it was enoght to make your heart begin to beat again, as if waking up from a deep sleep.
Shadow: Hey
"Never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you."
#shadow fanfic#shadow the hedgehog x reader#shadow x reader#shadow the hedeghog#shadow the hedgehog#sth#sth au#sonic fanfiction#mobian x human#thewayilovedyoushadowversion#shadow au
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TO BRING YOU MY LOVE
star wars | kylo ren x reader | rated e | 9.4k
fem!reader, vampire!kylo, modern au, dracula inspired, dub con, predator/prey, kidnapping with restraints, derogatory language (not from kylo), guns, violence, blood and blood drinking, minor-character death, semi-public sex, historical inaccuracies
This fic fills multiple prompts (from sweet anons and the fabulous @thorfemmes) for vamp!Kylo, from his backstory to Reader affecting him to the possibility of Reader becoming a vampire. Thank you all for requesting! I hope you're still around. In case you need a refresher, the previous parts of Me and the Devil are here, here, here, here, and here. (Why don't tags work anymore? 😩) This fic can be read as a stand-alone, though! Title from "To Bring You My Love" by PJ Harvey.
“Biker gang? Pfft!” said your boss Vic in reply to a bar patron.
The agitated patron continued, describing a group of bikers led by a dark-haired man with a scar bisecting his face.
You suppressed a shudder as you mixed a simple cocktail. That sounded too familiar.
You’d begun working at Vic’s bar a few weeks ago. It was an easy job. Vic was gruff yet kind. They’d shown you around when they learned you’d just moved to the city. They even invited you home for dinner, where you’d met their sweet wife and dopey Pomeranian.
After a moment of contemplation, Vic said, “A scar…”
With a dismissive shake of their head and a frown, they poured the patron a double.
When all the patrons were distracted, Vic took you by the shoulder and steered you into the dim storeroom.
“If I’m right, and I hope to hell I’m not, that gang sounds like the Knights of Ren.” You stiffened at the name, but Vic didn’t appear to notice. “They haven’t been around here in years, but they’re dangerous. You keep your head down, got it?”
You nodded as if you didn’t know exactly who Vic was talking about.
“Why would they be back…?” Vic asked more to themselves than you. “Fuck if it matters. We’re closing early for the rest of the week. Ain’t no one living it up while they’re here.”
In a caring tone you hadn’t heard from anyone in months, they said, “Anyone hollers at you, you ignore them. Just keep walking, yeah?”
You nodded again, though you doubted ignoring catcalls would save you.
Vic walked you back to the bar and told you to polish the clean wine glasses.
With numb hands, you carefully buffed water spots from each glass and slid them in the rack above the bar.
The next evening, Vic’s wife called. She never called, so it must’ve been important. Vic rushed out with only an offer to return to help close. You’d assured them you could handle it.
Just as Vic predicted, there hadn’t been many patrons. One of the last — a regular — expressed his disgust for the way everyone was pussyfooting around at night. He didn’t think the sun was going to stop the Knights of Ren from striking.
Oh, little did he know…
As the regular swirled the last of his bourbon, he said, “If they’re out there, no lock’ll keep them out if they want in.”
You politely agreed with a hum. No lock could keep Kylo away.
You didn’t know how you’d make it to your place if the Knights of Ren really were out there.
“Thanks for listening, kiddo,” the regular said before knocking back the rest of his drink and standing. “You watch out, though, pretty thing like you.”
He left a generous tip.
Closing went quickly after that. You clicked off the neon signs in the window, wiped down the bar and tables, mopped the floor, and pushed in the chairs. After shuttering the bar’s front, you snapped the tarnished padlock closed as quietly as possible. It clunked against the latch just as something glinted at the corner of your vision.
The hairs at the back of your neck rose. Your heart leapt into your throat.
You bolted.
You didn’t dare look back. It would’ve only slowed you down. You didn’t want to see a flash of red eyes and black hair, either. That would’ve paralyzed you. And you needed to run. You needed to run as fast as your legs could carry you—
Though you knew you couldn’t win — not against someone like Kylo.
No. No, no, no.
You couldn’t think like that. You’d gotten away before. You’d do it again. It didn’t matter how he kept finding you.
With a pause, you scanned the unremarkable street. You were far from the bar now. You propped yourself with a palm against gritty breeze block. Your thighs ached and lungs burned, all the more obvious now that you’d stopped running. You panted, throat desert-dry and mouth sticky. Tilting your head back, you tried to catch your breath.
The inky sky was as empty as the streets.
And you didn’t know where you were anymore.
You bit your lip and silently berated yourself for not paying attention as you ran. It was especially foolish considering you hadn’t been in the city for long. Unfamiliar streets looked more so in the dark. Questions dropped from your mind to settle heavy in your gut.
Where could you go now?
Your place wasn’t safe.
Who could you ask for help?
You didn’t want to put anyone in danger. No one would help a stranger at this time of night, anyway. Especially not when the Knights of Ren had been seen prowling.
Did Kylo know you were here?
He had to have sensed you. Your blood called to him. It must be the reason they were here.
A soft shuffle behind you threw you into action. You dashed down the street, away from the noise, away from the Knights of Ren. Surroundings blurred. Streetlights punctuated the dark. Your ragged breathing drowned out all other sounds.
You turned right, then left, then another right.
Before long, you had to slow. Your legs nearly gave out. You felt like you were running in circles. Everything remained unfamiliar, yet a sense of déjà vu remained. That storefront looked similar to one a few blocks back. Same with the pile of leaking garbage bags at the curb.
Or were they new?
You skidded to a stop by an unlit alley and braced yourself with hands on your knees.
You were alone. Not even a rat skittered. You slumped against the nearest building. A bead of sweat trickled above your eyebrow.
Whispering a curse, you wiped it away and inhaled lungfuls of air.
“You made this game quite easy.”
You froze. That oh-so familiar voice came from the alley.
“It’s like you want me to catch you, sweetness.”
As if made from the misty shadows themselves, Kylo’s silhouette manifested at the edge of a cone of streetlight. He leaned a shoulder on the nearby wall, insouciant.
Fear, like jagged ice, kept you immobile. The connection you had with him yanked at your breastbone. You grappled with the lure of stepping closer.
“You must be exhausted.”
You staggered away, feet nearly tripping over each other in your haste. The cracked concrete went indistinct as you turned to sprint. Arms like iron wrapped around your middle and pulled you into the alley. You stiffened, though you knew better.
A victim was supposed to go limp. It made an attacker work harder.
You squirmed between stiff and limp, kicking your feet. You drew yourself up to scream. A huge hand — warm, he’d just fed — covered your mouth.
Your muffled cries fell on a deaf city.
He tutted. “None of that.”
You couldn’t stop. There was a chance to get away. If only you could loosen his hold. You clawed at the arm around your waist. No tugging or scratching earned you freedom.
Blood-scented breath ghosted over your neck. A nose nuzzled into your hair. Soft lips brushed the shell of your ear.
Kylo breathed, “I have missed you.”
You paused at his sincerity, eyes closing.
No, you couldn’t give in.
You pulled at the hand covering your mouth. When it didn’t move, you slapped it. He let his hand drift to your shoulder, but not before his fingertips caressed your lips. You wanted to spit the feeling off.
“Did you miss me?” he asked.
You hissed, “No,” and elbowed him in the ribs. “No.”
He tutted again. “You wound me,” he said, though he hardly sounded hurt.
He tucked his firm body against yours off-center and placed a tender kiss on your neck.
A shiver rolled through you, bringing with it memories of pleasure and promises.
“Stop it! Lemme go!”
“Back to that?” He sighed. “After all we’ve been through?”
Tears pricked your eyes.
“I don’t want to hurt you, my sweet.” His hand slid to your throat, making you stretch and inhale. “Yet every time you flee.” His grip tightened and voice hardened. “Every time you seek my wrath.” He canted your chin to expose your jugular. “And every time you lock horns with me, it’s others who get hurt.”
You’d caused someone to suffer. Or maybe die this time.
“Don’t fret. It was quick,” he said. “They didn’t have time to scream.”
Vic. That was what their wife’s call must’ve been about.
You squeezed your eyes shut. A delicate tear rolled into your ear.
You’d killed them. You hadn’t meant to choose them, but you had. By keeping their company, you’d sicced Kylo on them. You knew what he was capable of. You realized it years ago. He’d killed so many.
Your gut twisted.
Your voice cracked as you asked, “Why?” You shook your head as much as you were able. “I don’t— I never wanted—” You swallowed around a dry throat. “Fuck, why?”
Why me? Why do you want me? Why do you care? Why don’t you kill me already?
Kylo’s hold loosened. His hand traveled to splay across your upper chest.
“I want to give you everything. All of me.”
His hand disappeared, and two fingers guided your chin to the side. You complied and opened your eyes.
“Anything you want. Just stay by my side.”
You studied his dark pupils rimmed in red, seeing his hunger and ruthlessness and loneliness. None of that had been apparent when he’d barged into your life.
“Just give me your heart.”
“I don’t want—”
He cut off your protest with a kiss.
You hadn’t protested at the start. It felt good to be desired by a dreadful monster like him. He’d opened himself, answered every question.
He’d told you about his mortal life. His mother Leia Skywalker had been part of the dvoryanstvo — Russian nobility. She’d run away to the United Colonies, where she’d fallen in love with some reprobate. Being a proper lady, she’d married him, bedded him, and proceeded to get with child. Leia ran home when colonial life no longer suited her. She’d had her child — a son: him — during the crossing.
Since Leia was married, and Kylo not a bastard, they were welcomed at court. The reprobate soon followed. The tsarina found the Amidala-Skywalker and now -Solo clan quite the curiosity. The tsar enjoyed Solo’s hunting skills.
Kylo said he remembered standing with his grandmother and mother to watch the gilded debutantes being presented at court. His grandmother whispered innocent gossip to him between introductions. His mother appeared to ignore them, but she listened just the same.
On a snowy evening mid-season, Armitage Hux, a distant cousin of the tsar, returned from the west. Accompanying him was a peculiar Dr. Snoke. The tsarina was captivated by Dr. Snoke as though spellbound. She favored Dr. Snoke, going so far as to appoint him court physician.
Armitage took to strutting about every dinner and ball. He was obsessed with Dr. Snoke’s scientific experiments, discussing results in esoteric terms. He collected blood from the hares, foxes, and deer during hunting excursions. At first, Kylo assumed like everyone else it was for these experiments.
Then he found Armitage in Dr. Snoke’s laboratory with bloodstained lips, a beaker of fresh blood in his hand. In a frenzy, Armitage explained that blood wasn’t only a humor. It was the source of life.
You’d stopped him to ask why he’d been visiting Dr. Snoke’s lab. Kylo replied Dr. Snoke had wanted him to read a few books from his private collection. Dr. Snoke promised more knowledge than the tutors his mother hired. Naturally, Kylo had been intrigued.
Intrigued enough not to run from the laboratory.
Armitage showed Kylo a chart of his own making on the distillation of power — “a force connecting everything” — through the blood, from feeble insect to apex predator. Armitage was certain one could accumulate this power by devouring the essence of weaker creatures.
Kylo understood the logic, yet something about how Armitage explained it troubled him. With that reasoning, the most potent essence would be from their fellow man. That sounded taboo.
When he next saw Dr. Snoke, he mentioned Armitage’s alarming hypothesis. Displeasure flashed across Dr. Snoke’s face. Kylo thought he’d made a mistake by broaching the topic. However, Dr. Snoke explained he’d been putting off that lesson until Kylo had more scientific understanding.
In his arrogance, Kylo insisted he could grasp any lesson Dr. Snoke wished to teach.
He thought privately Armitage, who everyone knew to be a bastard, wouldn’t best him. It hardly mattered how many lies his father Brendol spouted. Brendol Hux hid some misfortune for the crown and used that fact to force his family upon the rest of the court.
Dr. Snoke promised Kylo wisdom beyond anything he’d been exposed to thus far. He asked when, and Dr. Snoke offered him an apprenticeship. Dr. Snoke would be journeying west once more in the spring. Kylo could join him.
His mother forbade it. She attempted to lure him into staying by introducing him to any debutante who would indulge her. She bargained. She cajoled. She bribed. When she remained unsuccessful, she turned their whole family against him. Their objections were all they’d discuss with him.
Towards the end of March, the ice broke on the river, and the snow started to melt. He left his family home in the small hours of the night. He met Dr. Snoke and Armitage at the harbor and boarded a ship headed for France.
At every port along the way, Dr. Snoke disappeared while Kylo and Armitage dined. He asked Armitage if he knew where Dr. Snoke went, but Armitage lied when he said he didn’t. Apprehension kept Kylo from asking Dr. Snoke directly.
Kylo said he realized much later he had asked Snoke, but Snoke made him forget.
In Gothenburg, he gathered the courage to follow Dr. Snoke. He feigned a sour stomach to avoid dinner. The sun had just fallen below the horizon. Townspeople lit their outdoor lanterns. None appeared to notice Dr. Snoke trekking through the streets, which seemed improbable since the doctor was exceptionally tall and dressed in foreign garb.
Dr. Snoke turned down a side street as if he were familiar with the city. Kylo waited at the corner to observe Dr. Snoke halt at an open gate. Dr. Snoke’s demeanor went from innocent visitor to ravening fiend in the blink of an eye. His shoulders hunched. His hands became claws. His shaved head suddenly reminded Kylo of a vulture.
Dr. Snoke darted through the gate. Kylo expected to hear the scuffling of feet or a scream, but there was only silence.
Kylo ran to the gate to find no one. He turned first to where he’d come from, then down the street. Both sides were deserted. He didn’t understand. No one simply disappeared.
He took a step forward to investigate. The lifeless body of a girl hit the stones before he could take another. Her dark braids wreathed the splatter of gore. Her joints bent at wrong angles. He stumbled backwards, heel catching. Strong hands caught his shoulders and spun him.
He found himself staring into the red, hypnotic eyes of Dr. Snoke.
“I see you couldn’t stay on the ship,” said Dr. Snoke, who tilted his head like a great hunting cat.
Kylo saw his fangs for the first time.
“And now you wonder if Armitage has known all along.”
Which was true.
“He has,” Dr. Snoke said, sliding his hands to Kylo’s neck and turning down the collar of his overcoat. “So, tell me, are you in danger?”
Tears welled in Kylo’s eyes as he whispered, “I’ve always been in danger.”
“Too right.”
Dr. Snoke struck then. His sharp teeth pierced Kylo’s jugular and drank deep. Kylo felt the sinful pull in his groin. Despite that, he shoved at Dr. Snoke’s chest. It was as though he’d lost his strength. He felt like a pup taking on a bear.
He opened his mouth to protest, though no sound came.
Dr. Snoke held him tight, pressed him to the nearest brick wall, and ground between his legs. Kylo’s gorge rose, but his body didn’t have the strength to heave.
He knew he was dying. Dr. Snoke was killing him. Dr. Snoke would use him until there’d be no more. A spark of anger flared in his gut. He balled his hands into fists and struck Dr. Snoke. His furious heart hammered behind his ribs. This wasn’t supposed to be his death. He wouldn’t end here.
He croaked broken words, groaning at the effort.
Dr. Snoke withdrew with a chuckle, blood trickling down his chin.
“Such resolve! Such strength!” He grasped Kylo’s chin. “You think you have the stamina, Young Solo?”
This was what Armitage had spoken of. There was power in the blood. Dr. Snoke had discovered a way to harness it. He had kept the truth behind Armitage’s collecting blood and his own scientific experiments hidden. They’d lied to him.
Kylo snarled.
Lovingly, Dr. Snoke said, “Beautiful beast,” and smiled, bloody teeth flashing.
Dr. Snoke unsheathed his blade and slit his own wrist. Blood, dark like a desiccated rose, oozed from the cut. The scent of it familiar and ancient.
He watched his hands bring the wound to his mouth. Blood smeared over his bottom lip and poured into his mouth like scalding rain. He dissolved into unknown pleasure, torn apart as if ravaged. He was destroyed and built anew with Dr. Snoke’s blood.
He experienced everything at that moment: the metal taste on his tongue, the hint of spring in the air, the way their hearts synchronized for a second, the emptiness of his veins, the magic in the blood permeating every fiber of his being.
It happened so quickly it was dizzying. It was a taste, then a fact.
The infinite stretched out before him, all possibilities spread like the fan of playing cards on a table.
He’d told you Dr. Snoke became simply Snoke and Armitage had been satisfied as an unaging thrall. When you’d asked what happened to Snoke and Armitage, Kylo replied he didn’t know. He’d escaped Snoke’s clutches decades earlier.
He’d said how grateful he was to have found you: a comfort like he’d never known. His eyes had been so warm.
Yet his eyes weren’t warm when he’d caught you.
You pushed at him, but Kylo’s grip was unyielding. Your protests only inspired him to strengthen his hold. He gripped your jaw to open your mouth. You mewled as he teased your tongue with his own. It knocked the breath from your lungs, as it always did.
The hard length of his cock against your hip made you shiver. Maybe shudder. You wanted him, yet you shouldn’t. He was terrifying, yet putty in your hands. He was a killer, yet wanted to be your weapon.
Gentle fingers crawled under the loose hem of your shirt, brushing the skin above your waistband. His arm tensed. He was going to tear you open, claw at your tender belly.
You thrashed to get away before he could.
Kylo broke the kiss and tightened his hold on your jaw.
“Stop this, or I’ll give you a fucking you can’t walk away from.”
Your breath seized. He meant— He wouldn’t— Oh God, yes, he would. He would force his cock in your ass and drink your blood until you passed out. While he’d never done that to you, he’d done it to one of Armitage’s lackeys. He’d said it was for a transgression.
You’d gone beyond a simple transgression. You’d been running from Kylo for over two years.
“Kylo, please,” you said as your vision blurred with tears. “Please, just let me go.”
You knew he wouldn’t.
He pulled away.
You teetered from a lack of support and weakened legs. He caught your upper arm and shoved you against the wall. You braced yourself on bent arms. The bricks’ texture caught at your shirt and palms. The scent of wet stone and musty mildew invaded your nose.
He cradled your hips and asked, “Let you go…?”
His lips caressed your neck, dragging up your skin. You wanted to flinch from his touch, but he moved down until his forehead rested on your shoulder.
“How many times must we go through this? This game of cat-and-mouse?”
A hand slid up your side and rounded your ribs to cup a breast. You closed your eyes as a frisson of pleasure had your nipple tightening.
“How many people must I go through for you to see we can’t be separated?”
He squeezed your breast just this side of too harsh. You bit your lip. His other hand wended around your waist.
“How many times do I need to fuck you for that to sink in, hm? Surely by now you understand your place.”
He released your breast to tug at the button of your jeans.
Your eyes flew open as you pushed at his hand.
“Kylo, no.”
“Yes,” he hissed. “You need to accept it.”
He undid your jeans and spread the fly.
You realized you’d been a fool to think you could get away. You’d been a fool to believe he wasn’t still Snoke’s, that your love alone would change his heart.
You batted at his forearms, then gripped his wrists. He didn’t budge at your scrabbling hands. He barely reacted to them. Instead, he brushed his lips against the side of your neck.
You stiffened, anticipating the bite of fangs.
“I can’t, I can’t— Kylo, I don’t— I never wanted—”
You’d only wanted the person behind the monster.
It was a tragedy they were one and the same.
Kylo stilled, his lips a scant centimeter from your skin.
You stilled. Your words had been a mistake. Just like leaving him behind had been a mistake. And the most egregious mistake: getting involved with him in the first place.
Despite that being true, Kylo was correct about never wanting to hurt you. He never had. He could and had hurt others, but never you. He’d bitten you, drank your blood, gripped your hips hard when he took you.
But he didn’t hurt you.
In fact, he made you feel good. He made you writhe and moan with blinding, white-hot pleasure. Your mind went blank when he thrust his thick, monstrous cock into you. That might be worse than any fist or fang. Pain you could get over, but pleasure not as easily.
He whispered, “I think you need a reminder of where you belong, sweetness.”
Those words reverberated you into the past. That night had been like this one: quiet, starless, and calm. Until it wasn’t.
The world had tilted on its axis when someone threw you into an SUV while you’d been checking your mailbox after work. Terror choked off your screams before they even gagged you. Rope looped around your wrists and ankles tight enough to bruise.
A long-fingered hand seized your chin and made you meet blue eyes as the vehicle started moving. The man would’ve been handsome with his angular face and long ginger hair if not for the contemptuous sneer marring his full lips. His gray suit was Savile Row crisp, and his black Chelsea boots gleamed in the overhead light.
“Ren’s precious little blood-whore,” he spat and threw your head to the side, where it bounced against the back of the bench seat.
“You sure about this?” the driver asked.
“He will capitulate for this one. Snoke foresaw it.”
At the name “Snoke,” you wiggled away until your back hit the door. Your kidnapper appeared bored and pulled a pistol from his jacket. He braced his arm between the seat and his chest to aim at your face.
You looked from the steady pistol to his face and back again.
“Listen well, you stupid slut,” he said. “You are in no position to escape. You chose this the moment you let that fool into your life.”
You wanted to protest that you hadn’t let Kylo into your life. He’d slithered in on his own.
A tiny voice replied, And you let him stay.
You had. You’d done nothing to stop him, even after it was apparent what a monster Kylo could be.
You’d curled into the corner to stare out the SUV’s tinted windows. They’d tied the knots at the back of your hands, so you couldn’t reach them. You certainly wouldn’t dare bring them to your mouth to work them open with your teeth.
When the SUV stopped, they manhandled you through an abandoned convenience store. In the stockroom, a bald man sat at a bare card table. Scars like melted wax trailed down one side of his face. He wore a gold smoking jacket, loose slacks, and velvet loafers. You nearly laughed. He looked like a Hugh Hefner cosplayer. The only thing missing was a white captain’s hat.
A hand on your shoulder forced you to sit in the folding chair across from him. When you met the bald man’s eyes, any witty remark died in your mouth. His gaze was too intense, too stern, too disapproving — and too ancient.
This was Snoke.
The gag fell from your face.
“You saw Kylo Ren yesternight, did you not?” he asked mildly.
His voice rumbled like strange thunder. He breathed in as if he could taste you on the air, like a snake senses prey.
Despite your mouth being freed, you could only bob your head.
“Yes, of course. Quite understandable now why it’s so difficult for him.” Snoke’s expression turned forgiving as he leaned over his crossed legs. “You are quite the delectable temptation.”
Your gut twisted and toes curled in your shoes at the compliment. You didn’t want to be a temptation for Snoke, nor did you want him sampling any part of you.
Crashing chaos erupted from the storefront. People screamed. Cracked steel and shattered glass exploded through the open door.
You launched yourself to the cold concrete floor, bringing your bound wrists to your mouth. The metallic pop-pop-pop of gunfire snapped overhead. You bit at the first knot and pulled. Hot bullet casings clanked nearby. The knot gave way to the next. You wrenched the next one loose, then shook your hands until the rope slipped from your wrists.
A tide of black vapor surged into the storeroom. It blinded you, but it didn’t stop you from groping for your restrained ankles. The rope there made no sense. You couldn’t find the knots.
Come on! you yelled at yourself, finding the knots. Come on!
You twisted and gritted your teeth and almost cried when you couldn’t undo them.
Light returned to the room as the vapor converged into a figure with broad shoulders and long legs. Unmistakably Kylo. It was the first time you’d remembered seeing him do something like that.
However, you couldn’t focus on him. He was fine. On the other hand, you had to free yourself and escape.
Black boots planted themselves on the floor, spread hip-width apart. Yards beyond them lay the lifeless body of your kidnapper, his head rotated at an unnatural angle. That lovely ginger hair veiled his closed eyes.
You pulled your gaze away to untie the knots.
“Ah, Kylo Ren,” Snoke said warmly. “Thank you for honoring my summons for once.”
Kylo replied with a tight, “Master.”
As quietly as you could, you pulled the knots loose and unwrapped your ankles. Snoke and Kylo had to have known you were still alive, but you didn’t want Snoke directing his attention to you. Nor did you want to distract Kylo.
Snoke’s voice sounded as though he had multiple voice boxes when he ordered, “Come. Kneel.”
Kylo staggered to Snoke and dropped to his knees.
Your mouth went dry. Your heart beat double-time. You were about to witness Kylo’s death. Snoke would take his head and drain you dry. Or worse: make Kylo kill you.
You couldn’t let either of them do that. You wouldn’t allow Snoke to torture him like that. Not like this. Not ever.
Even if it meant not being with Kylo again.
You eased to your knees and crept around your chair. Kylo’s back was to you, but Snoke faced the door. There was no way to leave without Snoke seeing.
“Where are you going, myshonok?” Snoke asked.
You went rigid, one knee hovering above the floor.
“Join me at the table.”
If you sat, what horrors would you witness? What would he make you do? How angry was he?
“Sit.”
“No,” Kylo ordered. “Ru—”
Snoke silenced him with a blow.
Kylo’s head jerked back, blood arcing from his face.
You gasped, already on your knees.
“I said,” Snoke repeated. “Sit.”
You were in the chair before you made the decision to stand. Your brain filled in the gaps: you stood, took the necessary steps to come around the chair, and sat.
“Stay. Be quiet.”
You glanced at Kylo. Blood bisected his cheek and tracked to his forehead. You waited for the cut to heal, but it didn’t. It just bled.
That didn’t make sense.
“Kylo Ren, I’ll give you a choice — like I do in all things,” Snoke said lightly, as if he hadn’t just wounded his progeny. “You can erase your presence from her mind, you can kill her, or you can turn her.”
“No, Master, don’t—”
“You’ve forced my hand in this matter. She knows too much.”
Kylo was quiet for a moment, then:
“If I take her memory, you’ll leave her in peace.”
“Her, yes.”
You mentally screamed for him to refuse. Snoke agreed to you being left alone, but not Kylo. You couldn’t allow Snoke to take him from you.
You willed through Snoke’s hold to say, “Turn me, Kylo, change me. Just don’t go, don’t let him—”
Snoke said, “You belong to him. It’s not your decision.”
The hell it wasn’t.
You wanted to race for the street, get away from them both, yet your feet wouldn’t obey. You gripped the seat of your chair hard enough your fingers went numb.
To Kylo, he said, “Do it.”
You shook your head as Kylo shuffled closer.
Please don’t do this. Please snap out of it. Please, please, please…
A single metallic pop rang through the storeroom. Kylo cried out, gripping his shoulder, and toppled against the table. Another pop. Snoke’s expression went from smug to shocked. Blood burst from his chest.
Snoke’s hold disappeared.
Kylo yelled, “Go! Run!”
You threw yourself out of the chair and sprinted through the store. Broken bodies, warped metal shelves, and shards of glass littered the floor. You sidestepped and leapt over each obstacle, not allowing your gaze to linger on any of it.
“Kylo!” Snoke bellowed and continued in a language you didn’t understand.
You couldn’t leave Kylo back there, though, bleeding and at the mercy of his maker.
Kylo yelled for you to go again.
You ran out of the convenience store and never looked back.
And you never stopped running.
Because nowhere was safe — not with Snoke out there and Kylo potentially under his control.
Kylo now sucked harshly at your neck, claiming you. Your thighs trembled as a big hand snaked inside your underwear to caress your belly. You couldn’t help but arch into his touch.
“Spread those legs for me.” He gripped the curve of your belly, fingers teasing your pubic hair. “I’ll remind you of your place.”
He cupped your mound. Two fingers dipped into your slit. It was mortifying to feel yourself slick.
He chuckled low in his chest.
“You’re going to moan for me.”
You shook your head and hid your face. You didn’t want him to see how you bit your lip to stifle your voice.
He pushed two thick fingers inside your cunt, filling and stretching. You gasped. It had been too long. He murmured soothing words against your neck while he massaged you from the inside. His palm pressed against your clit.
You tried not to move, to quiver, to make a sound. You told yourself it shouldn’t feel so good. You should push him away and run.
His other hand slid up your torso to cup one of your breasts. This time, he was gentle. The fingers inside you pumped slowly while he massaged your breast and teased the nipple. You were caressed, from the full lips nuzzling at your neck to the patient hand between your legs.
Kylo knew your body too well, and you hadn’t experienced his touch in so long. It haunted your lonely hours. Your own touch hardly compared.
“You’ll whimper my name and ask for more.”
He scissored his fingers to stretch your needy cunt.
You nearly asked him for more right there, but he continued:
“And you’ll come on my cock when I give it to you, won’t you?”
You jerked in his hold. He answered by pushing forward to grind the mound of his erection against your ass. He dragged the tips of his fangs over your skin, nipped at the sore spot he’d already sucked there, before placing the softest kiss.
“Exactly like you always do, my sweet.”
He pulled his hand from between your legs.
You opened your mouth to protest. He moved quicker than any human to turn your head, fingers wet with your juices, and silenced you with a kiss. His tongue swiped across yours, warm and exhilarating. You returned the kiss and tunneled your fingers into his thick hair, brushing the subtle point of his ear. He plunged his hand into the front of your underwear again.
Unerringly, he found your clit and swirled hypnotic circles around it. Your pussy became wetter by the second, easing the glide of his fingers.
Against your parted lips, he said, “That’s how it’ll always be.”
But you weren’t Kylo’s blood-whore. Your kidnapper had been wrong. They all were wrong about you.
Kylo kissed you, claiming and deep and wrong and so filthy, you couldn’t mute a moan. He found a rhythm on your clit that made your cunt flutter and breath catch. You fisted his hair as you panted between sharp kisses.
You wanted to cover yourself and hide when his lips curled in a knowing grin.
You tore your mouth from his.
“Stop,” you said, though it didn’t sound convincing even to your own ears.
He ignored you, his clever fingers sending sparks of pleasure down your spine.
“I don’t… I can’t—” You clenched your jaw as your thighs quaked and muscles tensed. You were so close, orgasm building. “Kylo, I— I’m…”
He slipped his hand from your underwear, leaving you desperate for relief. Your cunt weakly pulsed as your orgasm died. You panted and let your forehead fall against the damp wall. Your combined shadows stained the concrete.
Kylo held your heaving ribs. He trailed delicate kisses along your nape. It was at once a connection and a reminder he could tear your spine out.
Wet fingers traced your bottom lip. You smelled the tang of your own arousal and clenched your teeth.
Kylo nosed at your ear to whisper, “I want to taste you on your tongue.”
You’d done that for him countless times. It drove him mad. He’d suck your flavor off your tongue while moaning and grinding his hips. He’d hold you tight while growling praises in your ear and working his big cock deep inside.
You shook your head and squeezed your eyes closed, despite knowing you’d ultimately lose this war. The only thing you could do was oppose his every pleasure in this last battle.
“Why are you still fighting me, sweetness?” he asked.
Your breath went uneven and your chest trembled.
You didn’t want to say it, didn’t want to tell him, didn’t want to fight him—
But Snoke.
Snoke was out there. He’d force Kylo to ruin what you two had.
The thought made tears flood your eyes and stream down your cheeks. When you sobbed, Kylo pushed two fingers between your teeth and pried open your jaw. You didn’t have to see it to sense his heated gaze. Kylo always — always — watched you.
The taste of salt and blood and musk coated your mouth. You refused to participate, remaining still as his fingers explored your tongue. Every measured stroke of his fingers tantalized — and aroused — no matter how much you denied it.
He withdrew his fingers and asked, “Why are you fighting me?”
“Please, don’t…”
“Don’t what?”
“Don’t take me back to Snoke.”
Kylo nuzzled your cheek and shushed you. He kissed away your tears as slick digits smeared against your lips.
Your breath shuddered around a powerful unease expanding in your gut. You’d been foolish to think you’d get away. This was only delaying the inevitable. Kylo was toying with you. No doubt he had every intention of dragging you in front of Snoke where they’d decide your fate.
You were Kylo’s, and Kylo was Snoke’s. It was in the blood. Not even bleeding yourself dry would grant you a reprieve. The connection you had with Kylo wouldn’t fade, even with death.
“I can’t take you back to Snoke.”
“What? He’ll hunt—”
“No, he won’t.”
You half-turned to look into Kylo’s dark eyes and found him undaunted.
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m Master now.”
His eyes flared red, brighter than before.
You shook your head. What had happened in the time you’d been gone? Why hadn’t he told you from the start? Why had he hurt everyone around you?
“His power resides in me alone,” Kylo said. “And now I’ve come to claim what’s mine.”
Not giving you time to form a question or voice it, he put his hand around your throat and crashed his lips against yours. Flesh ground against bone. His fingertips bruised. You were the meat to his butcher.
He groaned after a moment, as though relishing the near violence.
“Open.”
This time, you did.
He kissed you tenderly, sucking on your swollen bottom lip. His fangs grazed your skin. He flicked your tongue with his. You shivered at the silken touch of his preternatural tongue.
He made a satisfied sound deep in his chest at the taste of your arousal.
“Where is your place in this, sweetness?”
You blinked through the haze in your mind. You couldn’t form a reply.
“I…”
With a merciful shush, he turned you to face away. You placed your palms on the dirty wall. His hands caressed your sides until his thumbs hooked in the waistband of your underwear.
He couldn’t— Not here—
The haze fractured.
“No, Kylo, we can’t!”
He pressed you hard against the wall and put a hand across your mouth. Your underwear and jeans continued to slip down your hips.
“We can. I own the night and everything in it.”
Which included you.
Your lower body followed his as he straightened until your back was a perfect arch. The clammy air whispered between your legs, cooled your inner thighs. He kicked your feet farther apart.
Your eyes widen. He was going to take you like this, for anyone to see.
Your breath hitched at the press of his fingers at your soaked hole. He teased with swirling touches. You tried to keep your hips still, because moving was agreeing. It was acquiescing.
Kylo slid two fingers inside. Your cunt clenched around the intrusion. He purred and encouraged you to rest your head on his shoulder. He pushed deeper, slowly cycling his fingers. You rotated your knees inward, though you couldn’t fathom how your legs kept you upright.
His fingers retreated and pressed in, languid and thorough, as if trying to touch every part of your cunt. You turned your head to lean your forehead on his jaw.
He braced himself with a hand on the wall. You touched the back of his hand with shaking fingers. The fingers inside you sped.
You gasped, then bit the inside of your cheek.
“It’s been too long, hasn’t it?” he asked. “Your sweet little pussy isn’t used to this.”
You bit harder. You could only focus on his fingers fucking you open. He twisted his hand until his knuckles rubbed over your g-spot. You squirmed and swallowed a whimper.
“Let go, let me hear you. It’s just me and you here.”
“Ky-Kylo, please! Don’t— I can’t…”
“Yes, you can.”
A third finger eased inside to stretch you even more. Bolts of hot pleasure had you losing your breath. His fingers moved in measured thrusts, over and over. You clung to the wall as your knees almost buckled.
Then he pulled away. You twitched back to follow him or encourage him to continue. Full lips brushed your temple. His big hands took hold of your hips and raised you onto your toes.
“Just like that.”
Your heart leapt into your throat. He was going to take you here. If you tried to flee, he’d catch you within two strides.
Did you want to flee, though?
His touch left your body, giving you the opportunity. The metallic sound of his zipper opening held you in place. It had been too long. The weight of your connection to Kylo fixed you to the spot.
Heat smeared across your inner thigh. Knuckles brushed the underside of your ass. Then the thick tip of his cock parted your folds. You arched your back further, knowing what was coming.
Yet it didn’t come.
Kylo kept sliding his cock in your slit. He teased your stretched hole and the exposed bud of your clit. He did it until you rocked with him.
“Your place has always been in my bed.” He pressed his hard chest to your back. “Will always be. Beside me. With me.”
Your vision swam. The bricks blurred.
“Don’t ever forget it.”
A voluptuous pressure at your entrance made your eyes go wide. Hot tears spilled over your cheeks. You didn’t know how to respond, though you’d never forget his words.
Without warning, Kylo snapped his hips to impale you halfway down his cock. Beyond your control, a choked animal noise left your chest to resound through the empty alley. The bricks’ rough texture scraped your forearms and palms. Your body contracted around the heavy intrusion splitting you open.
Lips flitted along the juncture of your neck and shoulder.
“Just like this,” he murmured against your skin.
You groaned his name.
Kylo tensed and latched his hands to your hips and surged forward. He buried his cock completely in your pulsing cunt, pelvis tight to your ass.
You threw your head back with a piercing gasp.
He growled like the predator he was.
It was too much. It was like the first time with him. Every nodule on his cock woke nerves long asleep. You panted and shimmied and squirmed as your body acclimated. Each minute movement only added to your growing anticipation.
He gritted out, “Just like this — wrapped around my dick.”
He drew back. You protested with a small noise. He drove forward to start a brutal pace that had your vision narrowing and the edges darkening.
“Filled with my come.”
You trembled with every thrust. Your cunt got impossibly wetter with his words. He must’ve known, must’ve felt how they made you clench. Just like you knew your body — and heart — would accept him.
It had never hurt, and a part of you hated that. You hated how your body obeyed Kylo’s command. You hated how natural it was to kiss him, how easy your lips slotted with his. You hated how he fit so sublimely in you.
It was like you’d been made for him.
He angled his thrusts, somehow hitting even deeper, stroking every sensitive spot between your legs. The hands on your hips tightened as he pounded into you harder.
You moaned and pushed back. He hissed a “yes” and found that perfect rhythm. Your head spun. You clawed at the bricks while he continued an unrelenting assault.
You swallowed gasps and cut off another moan. One of his hands swooped to your jaw, tilting it up, stretching your neck.
“Don’t hide from me. Ever.”
Your breath caught.
“No, promise.”
His voice was black silk when he said, “Taking it so well. Such a good girl.”
You almost replied you wanted to be good for him. Only him.
He must’ve sensed it, because he stopped.
“No, don’t,” you said.
“Tell me. Tell me you feel it, too. Tell me.”
Tell me tell me tell me…
“I do! I feel it!” You shook your head as much as he’d let you. “Please, don’t— Please, I… I want to be good for you!”
Kylo groaned and tucked his face into your shoulder. His cock throbbed. He was going to bite you now. You knew it, could feel it.
His front teeth jabbed into your shoulder through your shirt. His fangs were so close. You hadn’t felt the sting and pull from his bite in so long.
You writhed in what you hated to admit was anticipation. At the same time, you mentally begged him to do it. Put you out of your misery. End the chase, the uncertainty, the killings. End you, if that was the culmination of this war.
He cursed and wrenched the collar of your shirt away. Stitches popped. Fangs pierced the juncture of your neck — a momentary pain. Hot suction followed, connecting your neck to your dripping, aching cunt. It gilded the coiling, molten pleasure building in your core.
He released your hip and plunged his hand between your legs. You bucked your lower body at the touch, torn between his hand and inhuman cock.
Then he began to thrust. He stroked your clit and sucked at your neck. You felt every mouthful of blood drawn from your veins, every slick-slide of his fingers on your clit, every harsh pump of his cock.
He worked your body, even as your muscles locked. You couldn’t move, couldn’t think. The tension and pressure built until you thought you’d explode with it.
But you didn’t.
You shook with each punishing thrust as he fucked you into a devastating orgasm. It burned through you like liquid fire. Wave after wave pulled you into its surge. Your mouth fell open with a silent scream. You couldn’t breathe. Heavy tears streamed down the outside of your face.
Kylo put a hand on your belly, smearing your come on your skin. His cock pistoned faster in your clenching cunt. He released your neck with a snarl. Warmth trickled over your collarbone.
“Kylo,” you mouthed.
He exhaled against your neck, breath tinged with iron.
“Plea—” Your voice broke. “Please, Kylo…”
“Please what?”
His soft tongue slithered over the tender puncture wounds.
Please, no more, you wanted to say. Please, don’t stop.
“Just… Please—”
Please take it all away.
He growled and snapped his hips forward. His pelvis slapped against your ass brutally — once, twice, three times. He buried his cock as deep as it would go before moaning. His cock pulsed. His come gushed, thick like honey, and filled you to overflowing. The warmth of it oozed down your thighs.
It was still for a brittle-edged moment.
Kylo placed his lips on your neck in a lewd mockery of a kiss. His breath puffed across your skin, as if his heart beat like a hammer. As if he had a heart.
You whispered, “Why do you keep hunting me?”
He wrapped his arms around your middle.
“Don’t you remember me saying I’d never let you go?”
Of course you did. However, people say that kind of thing in the throes of passion all the time. You assumed Kylo, despite being a vampire, was no different.
He said, “I call you my sweetness because you’re mine.”
His hands skimmed to your waist and steadied you as he eased his softening cock from your body. Your legs gave out, but he kept you from collapsing. You grabbed the bricks to catch yourself and leaned heavily on the wall, tilting out of Kylo’s hold.
Now that the sex was done, you yanked your underwear and jeans up over your hips. His syrupy come squished in your underwear and clung to the inside of your jeans. You cringed at the swampy feeling and the fact you’d let Kylo fuck you where anyone — everyone — could see.
The Knights of Ren couldn’t be far. They’d probably heard everything. Hell, they might’ve even watched.
You refastened your jeans and propped yourself against the wall in an attempt to muster a little dignity. It didn’t matter what stained your clothes now. They were already dirty with stress-sweat, come, and blood. Whatever garbage juice was splattered in the alley couldn’t make them grosser.
Kylo stood composed and less than a yard away, watching you. Always watching.
You resisted the urge to go to him and bask in his touch — the way he’d smooth your hair and cup your cheek. Like you were a beloved pet.
He’d made you his blood-whore.
The bite on your neck throbbed.
“I said I’m here to claim what’s mine. That still stands.”
You inhaled a stuttering breath and stared at his scuffed motorcycle boots.
“Snoke nearly took you from me,” he said. “You, who I want beside me every night.”
“But not forever.”
You were mortal. You would die. Time would end things, even if Snoke couldn’t anymore.
“Not forever if you keep running.”
You looked into his eyes that were the beautiful warm brown you adored. They went red. Your heart sped. They looked too much like Snoke’s.
“Stop running from me, sweetness.”
You blinked at the reverberating command. Your feet planted themselves to the concrete. You’d been running from Snoke, not Kylo. If Kylo told the truth, and Snoke really was dead, there was no point in running. You didn’t need to be apart from Kylo.
“You are everything good in my existence,” he said. “I refuse to be separated from you any longer.” He slashed at the air. “I won’t allow anyone to stand in my way.”
Not even you.
He’d made sure of that, too. Everyone you’d become friendly with in your mad dash from anyone vampiric had been killed. It’d been your fault. You’d acted like a spooked rabbit, running from burrow to burrow — and condemning every soul along the way.
He took a half-step closer.
“Am I not yours?”
“If you were mine, you’d know not to hurt people who’ve helped me.”
“Helped you?” He tilted his head with a huff. “Helped you? They allowed you to live in squalor.”
You let out a scornful laugh and crossed your arms over your chest.
Living in pre-furnished studio apartments or clean hostels wasn’t what you’d call squalor. It wasn’t a gothic castle overlooking a forested valley, either. Then again, no one you’d worked with lived in better conditions. Not even Vic, who only had a cozy one-bedroom.
Kylo held out a hand.
“Come with me. Let me give you what you deserve.”
You glanced at his broad palm and long, sturdy fingers. There was a time when those hands cradled you and loved you. There was a time when you didn’t know what they looked like covered in blood.
“I deserve peace,” you said.
“I can give you peace and safety. I’ll give you anything you want.”
You read between his lines. He’d give you anything as long as you stayed with him. If you explored the world on your own, you’d be exposed — as would he. You’d always be a weak point to exploit. You’d always be vulnerable. Snoke had figured that out.
You uncrossed your arms and looked into his eyes. Red encircled his irises, as though his vampire nature had been eclipsed.
“Give me your blood. Make me strong like you. Make me a vampire.”
He reared back as if you’d swiped at him. Astonishment painted his features.
“You want me to be your sire?”
“You want me beside you every night, don’t you?”
He breathed, “You love me.”
“Do you love me?”
He wet his bottom lip — such a human gesture — while his gaze darted to the side.
“I shouldn’t. It is a hindrance.” His dark eyes were like pools of deep water when they met yours. “You’ve seen what my kind do to each other.”
He indicated the scar going up his cheek. Snoke had missed ruining Kylo’s eye by millimeters.
You nodded and moved closer to touch the scar. It was a smooth, narrow groove in his blood-warmed flesh.
If Snoke had struck you like he’d stuck Kylo, it would’ve destroyed your jaw and cheekbone. You would’ve had implants and surgeries and weeks of speech therapy.
“I shouldn’t,” he repeated, and pressed your hand to his cheek.
“Neither should I.”
Not after all he’d done.
You’d hated him. You’d feared him. You thought about him every single day. You’d imagined different scenarios, from fighting him to falling at his feet to staking his heart.
He placed his other hand on your hip.
“No, you shouldn’t.”
You’d downplayed your feelings before Snoke had taken you. You’d told yourself you were satisfied with Kylo visiting a few nights every week. You had your freedom and privacy, a decent job and apartment, and a vampire lover. What more could you need?
Kylo lived in a different world, one he didn’t allow you to play tourist in. He’d said he wanted you to live a normal life. He wanted you happy and safe. At your insistence you were safe — and perfectly happy! — he exploded from the sofa where you two had been lounging. He’d flipped the coffee table and yelled you couldn’t possibly be either.
You’d ordered him out, telling him to leave and not come back until he wanted to behave. You hadn’t wanted to look at him right then. He’d rounded on you with a snarl, fangs flashing.
Then he’d been on you, kissing you, devouring you, tasting every inch of your body. He held you down and fucked you: on your knees, on your back, on the sofa, on the floor, on the upended coffee table, on your bed. You’d climaxed over and over again. He hadn’t stopped until dawn forced him to ground. You’d called in sick to work and sat in an epsom-salt bath for nearly an hour.
“I can’t leave this existence,” he now said. “I can’t leave you, either.”
“Then don’t.”
He shuffled you to the wall, his touch gentle. He always returned loving and tender, with sweet words and sweeter caresses.
“I’ll never let you go. I can’t.”
He grazed his fingertips across the clotting wound at your neck. You closed your eyes with a sigh. It should’ve stung, yet all you felt was him. He repositioned your hand from his cheek to his muscled shoulder. You slid your palm under the weight of his hair to hold his nape.
“Then don’t.”
You stared into his eyes, watching as red bloomed across his irises. It didn’t startle you any longer. The white of his delicate-tipped fangs gleamed. You drew him towards the wound and tilted your head back.
He made a desperate, hungry sound and wrapped you in his arms, supporting your head. You relaxed into his hold. Your breath shallowed.
This was the end. The end of running, of being scared, of the war you never wanted in the first place.
A faint star glimmered overhead — the lone witness to the ceasefire.
Kylo struck. He bit deeper than he ever had before. You gasped and clung to him as he drank the first mouthful. Your blood gushed with every beat of your heart.
Your feet left the ground. The night spun in a cacophony of dingy brick, velvet sky, and sodium lights. It spun and spun into a soft blur where nothing touched you and you touched nothing. Not even Kylo.
Liquid metal poured into your mouth, raging and carnal and animalistic. You swallowed. It was like swallowing a hot sea, like drowning. There was so much, too much. Energy filled you and flowed through you until you crashed against Kylo.
You opened your eyes and saw him as though it was the first time. You cradled his stunning face in your hands, his skin so new and electric. His eyes held all the warmth in the universe — its heat death quite improbable while he existed.
“I’m never letting you go,” you said, and kissed him.
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How would you do Batman, I'm just wondering because Batman's my favorite character
OH HO HO!! I HAVE WRITTEN SO MUCH ABOUT BATMAN!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
*ahem*
His show is called BATMAN: GOTHAM FILES, and I have the basic outline for each and every one of the seasons! There’s 9 total, plus a movie finale. Here we go!
SEASON ONE:
Most of us should know basically what Bruce’s backstory is, so I’ll keep this part brief. Bruce Wayne was eight years old when his millionaire mother and father were gunned down in front of him in an alleyway in Gotham City. They never found the killer. The family’s loyal butler, Alfred Pennyworth, took care of Bruce from that point onward. Bruce started taking self-defence classes in-between going to the schwanky Gotham Academy and learning how to run his father’s business, Wayne Enterprises (a massive conglomerate that was famous throughout all of America, but especially the East Coast.) The young man had hardly healed from his traumatic experience, though, and after graduating college (something he was practically forced to do by Alfred), he decided not to stay in Gotham. He hated the city. Instead, he took off in a plane… and secretly never intended to come back…
EIGHT YEARS LATER…
It was a welcome surprise when Bruce Wayne turned up in Gotham, seemingly in a much happier headspace and eager to finally, finally take his father’s business seriously. The Prince of Gotham had returned. Months after that, there was a new legend lurking in the streets of the city. Something called “the batman” or “the bat.” Criminals were getting caught and arrested left and right, and half of them were scared out of their minds about this spectre. The police force didn’t know what to make of it… except for one Captain Jim Gordon. He knew that the legend was true… and occasionally, he would sneak into his office and scare the living daylights out of him. He and Batman had been working together for a little while now, (we get an episode later that explores how they first met), but Gordon doesn’t know who he really is under the mask, and no one else in the force thinks that Batman is even real. But Gordon is eager to help him because the police force is falling apart. They’re completely unable to do their job and keep the streets safe, so Gordon agrees to help Batman stop crime in its tracks. He wants to make Gotham safer for his wife and daughter.
Shocking literally no one, the audience discovers that Bruce Wayne is Batman, working out of a massive secret base underneath Wayne Manor—his ancestral home. But, he must balance the life of a vigilante with the life of billionaire Bruce Wayne, which can be difficult at times. We get several episodes just laying the ground work. Who runs the company when Bruce isn’t around? Lucious Fox. Who manages Bruce’s affairs and schedule? Alfred. Who makes all the gadgets and gear that Batman uses? He does. Using plenty of materials and goods he can buy since he’s a billionaire. When did he learn how to make all this stuff? Hmmmmmm….
We meet our first few villains—Penguin, Two-Face, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Mr. Freeze, Riddler, etc—Batman is still trying to track down who murdered his parents, and we’re having a generally good time until THE MID SEASON FINALE. You see, there’s a circus coming to town.
Haley’s Traveling Circus was famous on the East Coast, being one of the oldest circuses in the country, as well as boasting the Fabulous Flying Graysons! A family trapeze act! However, this smiling troop of clowns was actually hiding some pretty dark secrets. When they arrived in Gotham City, they were asked to help out known mob-boss Tony Zucco with some… not-so-nice things. John Grayson, head of the Flying Graysons, had been feeling conflicted about how much behind-the-scenes shady dealings the circus had been involved with over the years. So, he thought that maybe if he just let the tiniest bit of evidence leak to the police, maybe they could handle everything and the Graysons wouldn’t be caught in the cross fire. This is what brings Batman to the scene. He investigates the circus, meets the Graysons, including their son, Richard, aka Dick, and eventually goes on to solve the mysterious crime, pinning it on Tony Zucco and getting certain members of Haley’s Circus arrested. (The ones actually involved in the crime.) However, Zucco manages to avoid jail time. Not only that, but he discovers who snitched on him. That night, after the case has been solved and Bruce shows up to catch the Flying Graysons perform, everything is going great until the unthinkable happens: the lines on the trapeze snap and Mr. and Mrs. Grayson go falling to their deaths.
Dick Grayson is an orphan… and he’s angry. He’s about 11 years old, but he’s smart enough to know what’s going on. He knows why Batman was coming around asking questions, he knows who Tony Zucco is, and he knows that his father made him very unhappy. After the police have arrived, but before social services do, Dick sneaks out and climbs to the top of the building with the Bat-Signal on it (yes, by this point in the story, that’s a thing). He flashes it on and off, rain pelting down, until the caped crusader arrives. He demands to know if this was Zucco’s fault. Batman refuses to say anything, but Dick doesn’t care. He says he’s going to make Zucco pay, whether Batman helps or not, and he tries his hardest to remain true to his word. After that night, Dick runs off through Gotham several times, trying to get in touch with Zucco and attempting to enact revenge, meanwhile Batman has to keep swooping in to keep the kid from getting himself killed. He recognises the pain he’s in—he completely understands his anger—and realises that he needs a teacher—a mentor—a father figure who can lead him through all of this and keep him out of trouble. So, as Bruce Wayne, he decides to adopt Dick. At first, Dick doesn’t want anything to do with this stranger—he’d rather stay with his circus family if he’s going to stay with anyone—but then, in court one day, Bruce says something—something only Batman said to him once—and all of a sudden, it clicks in Dick’s mind. He instantly asks to be placed in Bruce’s care and not a few hours after arriving at Wayne Manor, Dick manages to discover where the Batcave entrance is. Sneaking down there, he plans to become his own kind of vigilante, just like Batman, and get revenge… until Bruce catches him and tries to knock some sense into him.
It’s here that Bruce has to confront his own past. His sense and reason are saying, “Don’t let the kid try to enact revenge!” But then, he has to ask himself, “why am I still hunting down the man who killed my parents?” He has to tell himself, “it can’t be about revenge. Only what is just and fair.” When/if he finds the killer, he will turn him over to the authorities and let him face proper punishment. Zucco… he’s too powerful. There needs to be a lot of incriminating evidence against him before the police can take action, and even then, that’s not what Dick wants. Dick wants Zucco gone. Permanently. THAT is what needs to be dealt with inside of Dick. Bruce refuses to let this boy make himself a killer. Instead, he decides to channel that anger and drive into training him. You see, when Bruce vanished for eight years, it was during that time that he met many teachers and learned many new skills. Through bettering himself and learning these skills, he felt he had grown as a person and had worked through some of his emotions. It was therapeutic. He hopes it will be the same for Dick. He also teaches him about the justice system and detective work so that they can bring down Tony Zucco WITHOUT killing him. Little by little, over the course of the next year, Dick starts to turn into the infamous side-kick Robin, following Batman on small cases and learning about fighting crime… from a distance. (Mostly.) Dick does have a knack for getting into trouble.
On the personal side of things, Dick still needs to adjust to living in Wayne Manor, going to a new school (Gotham Academy) navigating being a wealthy, famous person’s adopted son, etc etc. And then… Ra’s Al Ghul shows up. Now it’s time for Bruce’s past to be revealed. He had traveled the world, and he did have many teachers, but none quite as legendary as the Demon’s Head, leader of the League of Shadows. A secret organisation (cult, really, Bruce later realised) that had mastered martial arts, ninjutsu, and so much more. Each member was a peak specimen of the human race, with no genetic weaknesses or flaws, especially their leader, Ra’s. Bruce had been one of his top students, but then he had revealed his grande scheme for the world. Ra’s wanted to wipe out the rest of humanity (which he deemed as impure and flawed) and then the only people who would be left to inherit the Earth would be his perfect family and his perfect followers! All he was missing was a male heir to his throne. His daughter, Talia, most perfect of his children, had fallen in love with Bruce during his time in the Shadows, but before anything serious could come of it, Bruce had snuck out and left the League, meaning never to come back. Now, though, Ra’s had found him and wanted him to marry his daughter. Bruce refuses. Ra’s tries to take him by force, Robin helps save the day, it’s a big exciting grand finale to the season, and it ends with Ra’s and Talia retreating… because while Bruce was captured, they managed to steal some… “DNA”… and test tube baby Damian would be thus conceived, unbeknownst to Batman and Robin.
(Like, he’s a test tube baby from conception. Talia was never physically pregnant with him.)
Anyway, things are looking up for our main characters. They saved the city, they saved each other, they’re working on their personal growth, and everyone is excited to see Season 2 because—
JOKER TEASE!!!! DUN DUN DUN!!!!
I’mma make more posts, this is a long one, strap in…
I also have a sketch of Talia…
Part 2 👇
#dc#dc comics#batman#bat family#bat brothers#fandom#fan fiction#head canon#Gotham Files#Bruce wayne#dick grayson#alfred pennyworth
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Rewatching Shadow and Bone so here are some of my favourite little details that I haven’t seen loads of people talk about (this is almost definitely just part 1 so stay tuned)
The bird cage in Heleen’s office
The masks on stalls in the Ketterdam streets, including Komedie Brute masks, what look like the Jackal masks, and what I believe might have been a sun summoner mask
The song that Ravkan soldiers in Mal’s unit sing whilst they march in s1e4 is the Kerch drinking song Nina sings for Inej on the boat in Six of Crows
Matthias’ hesitation before saying “I feel nothing for you” and Nina replying “then I guess that makes you good at your job” is SO reflective of Matthias’ realisation that Brum didn’t have to drown the good parts of himself to do terrible things the way Matthias always did; Matthias had grown to admire Brum for what he believed was the ability to silence the good in himself in order to do what “must be done” because he found that so difficult to do, and acknowledging that Brum didn’t find those things difficult the way he did was one of the most important moments of being able to separate himself from the Drüskelle beliefs and begin to understand that what he went through was actually abuse and what’s implied to be at least similar to Stockholm Syndrome (I’ve written at length about this and if I get going I’ll never stop, so if anyone wants to know more lemme know and I’ll tag you in my post about it)
“Pomdrakon Players”, the group the Crows join to infiltrate the Little Palace, references Ravkan desert “Pomdrakon” where you soak raisins in brandy then set them on fire and try to grab them in the dark that Nina tells Matthias about on the ice
This isn’t an observation I just thought you’d all like to know that when I was watching the map room scene in episode 4 every time Alina said ‘Aleksander’ I repeated her in a stupid voice, which was really unfair to Alina because she doesn’t know but it was a genuine reaction and I stand by it because screw the Darkling
The comment that the Fjerdans don’t mark ash tress because they’re scared, I love that. I wonder if they pray when they mark trees, like they do when they cut them down? I personally got the impression that all trees were precious but ash trees were sacred when I read the book
The valve to turn out the lights in the Royal Archives Heist because all the lighting is gas powered!! Like I know this probably was just a thing we knew without really thinking about but it’s also really cool in that it reminds us about the class difference between the Crows and the others since, at least in the books, gas lighting isn’t as common to the Barrel as candles and bone lights are but is implied to be more common among the Merchants
Also not an observation but “you’re the quarter master, aren’t you?” “Yep” *wallop* will never not be hilarious and iconic
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the costume department for this show were goddamn miracle performers thank you for your service. I’ve banged on about the symbolism in the costumes before so I won’t now, but I have really only talked about s2 so I guess if you want more I could talk about s1
“No guns” *walking past Jesper* “no knives” *walking past Inej* “no weapons of any kind” *wait where’s Kaz* will always be fabulous
I genuinely have no idea how they did the Tailoring on Alina’s hair when Genya first does it for her but it is incredible like I don’t know exactly what changed but it just… I don’t know, it’s amazing
#grishaverse#six of crows#crooked kingdom#leigh bardugo#inej ghafa#kaz brekker#nina zenik#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#matthias helvar#shadow and bone#shadow and bone tv#sab show#sab netflix#shadow and bone netflix#grisha trilogy#kanej#wesper#helnik#fantasy books#alina starkov#genya safin#genya kostyk#genya x david#tamar x nadia
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youtube
Things I learned from this fabulous doc
Harry's life was rough from the very beginning, think what we know about Ringo and John's childhoods but worse
His addictions were his downfall and everything I learned about them was more heartbreaking than the previous thing
He wrote many of the songs I know and love but I didn't know he wrote them.
He was almost a true household name, which brings us back to number 2
It is an absolute tragedy we never got him and Paul on a song together
He and Ringo were definitely more than friends. Every time anyone tries to explain his and Ringo's relationship, they take a long pause before giving some semi g rated description.
This is probably the best glimpse we will ever see into Ringo's addictions
Not the only relationship he had that didn't seem wholely platonic. The way Richard Perry talks about him certainly suggests something.
When John was murdered he basically gave up his music career in favor of being a gun control activist, even lobbying in front of congress
His friends REALLY don't understand or care about the importance of fighting for what you believe in and activism or at least not gun control activism, and it makes me really think about why Paul didn't become as diehard of an activist as Harry. Did he not want to or was he talked out of it....
Overall the movie was incredible, probably one of the best Beatles related docs I've seen, ever.
I know that it's only one point of view and of course it's not the whole story, but damn did they do a good job giving the POV they gave.
I highly recommend this movie to anyone who wants to know more about our boys and their lovers and friends.
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Ok so, I love all the shorts you post on here, you are building up a background of Competent Officer but Emotionally Stunted Price and Emotionally Intelligent and Badass Nik. Cool, fabulous.
But I've got to ask; what is Nik's sore spot?
With the extra decade it does make sense that he is more sure of himself and his relationships generally but you did touch on it with the body image/food one and mentioned it in passing with the how they met bit. Does the age gap get to him sometimes? All the loud machines (and guns) is he worried about his hearing going?
Or, his English is pretty good but does he sometimes get lost with fast speakers/strong accents?
What about something more silly? Is he fine with spiders but gets freaked out by daddy long legs (like me)? Is he wildly afraid of moths? Is he fine with big injuries but if he get a papercut is it the end of the world? Does he suffer terribly from Man Flu?
On a more domestic note, what irritates Price about him? I mean, no one is perfect right?
Does he always leave the bathroom in a state? Do all the broken noses mean he snores like a bear with a head cold (admittedly that might apply to Price as well)? Is he like my Dad and has very strong opinions on adverts and regularly go on rants about how the ad has nothing to do with the product? Does he like Marmite and Price hates it (or vice versa)?
Some excellent questions. I think Nik's weaknesses or vulnerabilities are tied up with his strengths, which I know sounds weird, but hear me out:
- This man is mad intelligent. He speaks eight languages, he canonically can fly pretty much anything (from what I've seen). He was significant enough in knowledge and skills for MI6 to go for him twice. Weakness: his intelligence can sometimes make him coldly logical. Look at how he didn't even blink twice at terrifying Butcher's family; I think that feeds well into Price's ruthlessness. He cares deeply about those he loves, but if you're not "his"? He won't even blink when pulling the trigger if it will help meet his goals.
- Linked to the above, he values his physical strength and his intellect. They make him worth something and he doesn't feel he has any intrinsic worth just as Nik. (Overbearing and demanding Soviet General father made it clear Nik needed to earn his place in the world.) If he feels they are declining or lessening, this is going to throw him through a loop. Big time. (Well noted from the food ficlet.)
- I think he was hugely, perhaps even suicidally, depressed when he turned informant. That conflict of loyalty and morality would have been difficult for his mind to process. I think that explains his apparently unflinching loyalty to Price and Laswell. In his eyes, they saved his life by giving him a purpose. (Nik you stupid fuck you literally set up Chimera and you're a hugely wealthy arms dealer off your own back wtf mate.) Nik never really had time to heal from that, he papered over it and got on with the job. I think as he settles down with Price, he will need to go to therapy. A lot of it.
- He is untidy (not unclean) at home. Laundry on the floor by the basket, never puts books away, gets fixated on a project at the expense of other things. It's like he left the military and his psyche rebelled against the bits he hated the most. Price can't compute how he can be so clinical at work and yet a complete clusterfuck at home. The garage is full of vehicles and appliances he disassembled and never put back together. Man's lucky he's dynamite in bed.
Nik is a "good" man in so far as he can be in a morally grey position. I write him with Price, through Price's lens, so we see "hero protagonist Nik" because that's who he is to/with Price. However, I do have a little ficlet tucked away when a jealous Ghost confronts him in Paris, and he tells Ghost, "If you take a shot, boy, you better not miss, because it will not happen again", and Ghost realises just why Price chose this man as his life partner. He's exactly the same level of ruthless.
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The Widow - Prologue
Summary: You trust now one. Not since they got your husband killed.
Pairing: TFaTW!Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader
Warnings: death of a loved-one, reader is under protection, bitchy reader, arguments, grumpy Bucky, angst, blood, character's death,
The widow masterlist
Blood…so much blood.
You always feared your life with Ransom would end like this.
On the run, without anyone siding with you but the cops.
After your husband ratted his partners out it was only a matter of time before you ended up dead.
One greedy agent and you held your dying husband in your arms.
He choked on his blood, staring up at you with scared eyes. “Y/N…sorry…Y/N…”
“You goddamn idiot,” you cried and kissed him hard. “I know…I love you…”
Two years later…
“Why me?” Bucky releases the deepest sigh ever leaving his lips. “Sam, I don’t want to play babysitter for some spoiled woman. Maybe Torres can protect her.”
“Bucky, you are the only super-soldier I know. Torres is a good man and can stand his ground d. But the people who are after Y/N Y/L/N are not the cuddly kind of enemy. If they try to kill you, they use a scalpel to cut you into tiny pieces, not a weapon.”
“Do you try to cheer me up, or scare me?” Bucky scoffs. “You want me to risk my life for some criminal’s wife? Why? We agreed on doing this job to protect the innocent, not people getting rich at the expense of others. That’s not who we are.”
“We protect people who need protection. She ended up in this situation because she fell in love with the wrong man. I checked her background and found out that until her marriage with her deceased husband, she was a good person without a criminal record.”
“She lived a fabulous life, spending money she didn’t earn,” the super-soldier grunts. “How do we know she won’t rat us out, and we all end up dead?”
“You jump out of an airplane without a parachute and now you are scared of a widow needing your protection?” Sam grins. “Aw, are we getting old?”
“Watch your tongue,” Bucky points his gloved index finger at Sam. “I didn’t say that I’m scared. I just don’t trust a criminal’s wife.”
“Who’s that?” You size the new arriver up. “Another loser not knowing how to handle a gun?” You sneer as the agent tries to find another lie. “What? Do you want to tell me that this one will protect me and my husband better than the last agents?”
“Mrs. Y/L/N, this is James Buchanan Barnes,” the agent stammers, as if you should know the name. “He’ll protect you at all costs.”
“Oh, yeah? Like the other ones protecting us before?” You cock your head and raise your hand to stop the agent from talking. “Did you forget that you got my husband and his brother killed?”
“He got killed because he did business with the wrong people,” Bucky sneers. “You made your bed, now sleep in it. I’m not here on free terms. No one wants to protect the likes of you.”
You grit your teeth and glare at the newly arrived asshole. “Do you think I care? One of your so-called fine people ratted my husband and me out for some hard cash. So, you are no better than me. At least I didn’t kill people for money.”
“I see you will get along very well,” Sam pats his friend’s shoulder. “Just remember, don’t kill her. She’s the last witness alive. If she dies, they will all get away with their crimes.”
“I should leave you to your misery. Why should I care about their crimes?” You pucker your lips. “You got my Ransom killed! He only tried to make more money than his fucked-up family. He never harmed anyone with his transactions! When he found out about their crimes, he did the right thing!”
For a moment, you let your mask slip, and the grief shows. Bucky blinks, but the sadness in your y/e/c orbs is gone, and he’s not sure it happened.
"Just shut up princess and we will get along very well..."
Part 1
Tags in reblog.
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#tfatws!bucky#bucky barnes x y/n#tfatws!bucky barnes
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Ice-E's P'E'ZZA Secret Boss: Greas-E
Time for a new Deltarune secret boss, this time for Ice-E's! The lovely art was done by the splendorous @zootyplex (commission her, her art rocks) and the fabulous @creepa-b0t-inc for the sprite renditions!
Now then, for the boss himself. Greas-E hails from the Corporate World of Ice-E's, run by the head C'E'O. In days long past, Greas-E served as the C'E'O's top enforcer, the one he contacted to get shit done, through violent means if necessary. Greas-E was fiercely loyal to his boss, being a part of the Family Menu in the upper echelon. He new the job came with a lot of risks, a lot of downsides, but he didn't care. He served his duty well.
One day, however, a haphazard Darkner spotted him in the middle of his less than moral activities, word of which did take very little time to spread throughout the Dark World. The C'E'O was certainly not happy to hear this, as he sought to maintain his profits with a proper family friendly image. As much as it killed him, he had to banish Greas-E, remove him from the menu in order to save face. As such, he was banished to the Icy Shelf, and left to be forgotten.
It was here that he came to meet a special someone among the tundra, one who showed him capabilities he never knew he even had. Powers that linked him to a grandiose machinated giant that lay dormant in the ice. He was ready to Supersize, all he needed was the right group of schmucks to help him finish the last minute prep time "That Weird Guy" got him on track for.
As for his Light World origins, his story is slightly more complicated than the average Light World Darkner backstory.
Greas-E was originally the benign pompadour type mascot for an item on the Ice-E's menu, part of the corporate attempt to make more of a cast for Ice-E, so they could market more toys and boost their funds. He was meant to advertise and sell the Super Mega Pizza Burger Triple Patty Greasemaster Deluxe, which was even more unhealthy than it sounds.
Of course, this terrible menu item led to some serious health concerns for the public, inevitably leading to its removal from the menu. However, the franchise had jumped the gun by a significant margin and had already begun construction on a line of animatronic entertainers for the Hometown location. They were intended to be half machine and half organic material from whatever product they were supposed to represent, that way, they could Serv-o Up Smiles!
This was an all around terrible idea.
Greas-E's animatronic was the first one to be put into production, and subsequently the first to be canned. However, they couldn't get rid of it, so, they just shoved it in the back of the freezer at the restaurant alongside the last unsold Super Mega Pizza Burger Triple Patty Greasemaster Deluxe patties.
It was here he was to stay. Here he was to rot. Mold and mildew slowly overtaking the meat on his body, but his hate still remains. His desire to get back on the menu and prove to his boss he can still be useful burns just as bright as it did before. And he'll serve up a 2-for-1 deal on pain along the way.
"What? What? Youse single serving punks tink you got ANYTHING on da Greasemaster? Tink again, Cornball!"
"We all pass our best-by dates, cornball, even the freshest meats expire!"
As for his general deal, Greas-E is a dirtbag sleazeball mafioso. He's a dick to most people, except his boss who he holds in the utmost regard. He speaks with an Italian American accent, much like a stereotypical mobster. He also consistently refers to himself in the third person as Greas-E or the Greasemaster. During his speech, he also sprinkles in a variety of food service references into his speech pattern. After meeting Kris, he tends to refer to them as Cornball or Order Reference Number M040N, or moron.
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whats the deal with Doc Savage?
"He's a doctor, okay, but what's so savage about him? That he goes in public without a shirt? Y'know, he's got a caveman in his group and everything, and that guy is a chemist who runs around doing monkey flips and beating bad guys with his bare hands. Why don't they call him Doc Savage? He’s doing more to deserve the name.”
“Everytime it’s something weird and horrifying happening that only he is able to solve. And it's always some guy running a con at the end. Everytime Savage rolls into town, it's like opposite world when it's the doctor who has to save people from being scammed, instead of the other way around.
"I'm just saying, nobody's that perfect. He goes around with guns shooting people with what he calls "mercy bullets" that only put bad guys to sleep. Yeah, they go to sleep allright, and if that fails, I'm sure the compassion grenades do the trick.
"You're saying they rejected your application for the Fabulous Five? That's nuts." "Blew me out the front door, I tell you! Total insanity. Newman was there, he saw the whole thing." "No, what's insane is that you thought you had a shot in the first place. Nobody "joins" the Fabulous Five, it's like the most elite group in the country. What did you think you were adding there?" "Jerry, how hard can it be to play sidekick to that guy? He does everything they do better, I'd just have to sit around playing cheerleader and wait for him to save the day, I already do the first part all day around you. It's the perfect job! What, you think you're too good for it?" "No, but I have a little something called self-esteem. It's the Fabulous Five, George, not the Fabulous Plus Extra. They already made room for that girl cousin of his, they're not making extra for you." "Maybe, shmaybe. Unless I got that Tom guy fired. I mean, he looks like he's on his way out the door as is. "Electrical wizard", pssht, I could do that." "Sure you could. I mean hey, why don't you ask Elaine to set up you two? She got to meet Doc himself last weekend." "No way." "I'm serious! Apparently Doc saved Peterman's life during a mission in Burma and they'd kept in touch since then, and she got some kind of date with him out of it."
"He was a no show?" "Oh, he is all show allright." "So you two -" "No! I mean, I got to see him in action a couple of times and, yeah, I tried. But every date with him was a wash, he always needs to cut things off halfway to go fight some supervillain, and then he never calls back. He barely even looks at me when we're IN the date." "Well he's Doc Savage. He's like Superman, y'know, he's got places to be and people to save. "Yeah, and who's gonna save me? I swear Jerry, it's like he's never even seen a woman before. Him and those five morons around him, bunch of misogynists. Whatever, he's hot, but I'm over him. Miss Savage no more." "I'll bet. Hey, what's this?" "Oh it's from the fitness spa I'd been going near work. There's this girl I'd been talking to lately ever since Peterman assigned me the Hidalgo Trading Company catalogue, she's been giving me the skinny on Doc and his frat boy clubhouse "Oh?" "Yeah she's big, like, really big, really smart too. She's got a yacht, even. Apparently she does a lot of traveling. Anyway, she's this fitness freak with a great tan and bronze hair and, big muscles, and she's got these beautiful gold eyes and-" "And you're saying all that because you think I'd be into her?" "Huh? You? Oh, pfft, no, she's way too much for you." "I'll bet. And, uh, what's her name again?" "Oh everyone at the club just calls her Pat. Mystery lady. I'm meeting her down at her yacht next week." "Yeah. Miss Savage no more, huh."
(SLAM) (audience cheers)
"Hey, how did things go at the Crime College?" "Oh it-it-it was a NIGHTMARE! It-itya it's like waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay, Jerry! Way less fun than it sounds!! I'd heard the name on the street and signed up to learn how to fight crime, nobody told me what it was actually about! "What happened?" "Well, at first it was kinda nice, actually. You sign up at the Hidalgo Trading Company lobby, and they ask you to submit your criminal record. I figured, hey, safest place to leave it, right? You meet some of his assistants and everything, and when they hooked the eletrodes to my brain I thought hey, *click* free brain massage along with crimefighting lessons for free!" "Wait Kramer back up, electrodes?"
----
"Allright so if I get this straight: You signed up for a program Doc Savage's running that nobody knows about called the Crime College, thinking it was gonna teach how to fight crime. You get in there and it's some kind of nuthouse where Doc Savage tries to pry open your brain with a drill." "A-yup." "And he's lobotomozing criminals all over town because he's running a program where he, what, carves their brain to make them stop being evil and gives them new identities outside of town." "Ye-yup." "And they never remember who they used to be? They never come back, not ever, they just become model citizens as far away from here as possible? Are you 100% sure it actually works?" "So they said, yeah." "...Hey pass me the phone for a minute, will ya-"
"Hey Newman, I heard from Elaine that the Hidalgo Trading Company is hiring now."
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vVv is for Voe (9)
Pairing: StaticBeau & RadioBeau
Warnings: Swearing; Sexual Innuendos; Sexual Acts
Genre: Humor! Angst!
Word Count: 3.5K
<Chapter 8
9. Depression and Ducks
The click of Voe’s heels on the marble floor rings through the lobby. She rings the bell on the desk.
“Courtney, I need to see all of them,”
Courtney turns her head “Did you want to make an appointment?”
“Call them now,”
“Got it,” she picks up the phone “Get a conference room for the Vees, Ms. Voe would like to see them,”
Voe stood there and thought about what Courtney just called her. Ms. Voe, that sounded really good to her ears.
Shortly after Velvette, Valentino, and Vox appear in the lobby looking extra annoyed.
“This better be good,” Vox tells her
“Not only is this good, this is the best damn thing ever,” Voe’s posture radiates confidence
Velvette put her hands on her hips “Do tell love,”
“Well I-“ Voe glances through her peripheral vision to see Angel Dust peering out at her from Val’s studio, they lock eyes for no more than a second “Val,” she calls him “You wanna take care of that?”
Val glares and closes the door behind him, and returns to the group.
Voe reaches into her purse and pulls out the file “I got this from the one and only King of Hell,”
Vox snatches it up and goes through it. His grin spreads to an unnatural width and his laughter grows more and more evil as the other Vees stare at him in confusion.
“I believe we should take this to a conference room?” Voe says,
Vox contains himself and clears his throat “Of course,”
“So what do you think? Hmm?” Voe looks over Vox’s shoulder as he combs through the file
His eyes are glued to the papers “I think…this is…AMAZING!”
Voe’s eyes brighten up and she plasters a smile on her face “So I did a good job?”
“Oh, my dear, you did a fabulous job,” he caresses her chin “In fact,” he pulls her in for a kiss, long and sloppy, his tongue filling her mouth and taking over. When he pulls away, Voe is flabbergasted and blushing but looks around to see that this is apparently business as usual for the Vees. She bites her lip. Vox was a really good kisser.
“So I guess you’ve got all your information then,”
Vox shakes his head “Oh no no no no no no no. We need more,”
“What??” the other three ask at one
“I’m sorry, clarify,” said Voe
Vox puts his arm around her “I forgive you, but we need to get personal,”
“How much more personal do you need to get? His entire life is inside that folder!”
“I know! But I need things like who he’s tonguing on the daily, where does he shit? Who has he fucked?”
Voe snorts “He’s probably a virgin,” she sneers “Wait does that mean I have to stay at the hotel longer?”
Vox puts his arm around her “Yes my dear, it does. But only a little bit longer. This next part should be a piece of cake for someone as…charming and beautiful,” he kisses her hand “As yourself,”
Voe smirks at the flattery “Sure, but he doesn’t like me,”
“Drastic times call for drastic measures, my dear. You need to fuck him. Apology accepted in advance,”
“I’m sorry??”
“You need to fuck him,”
“Why would I ever do that?”
Velvette speaks up “Well, that’s how you get more information. How’s your acting?”
“Pretty good,”
“I need you in one of my films,” Val flicks his tongue
“Not what I meant,” she glares at Val “You need to play the part of the sappy bitch,”
“That is the opposite of me,”
Velvette blinks rapidly “That’s why it’s called ‘acting’, love,” she turns to Vox “Are we sure she’s right for the Vees?” she mumbles
Vox shrugs “We kept Val,” they look to the moth who’s not at all paying attention, staring at one of his guns.
Velvette grabs Voe’s shoulders, Voe gets a bit stiff. “You need to make them believe you want to be there. Look them in the eyes, but not too much. You have to look uncomfortable with opening yourself up for the first time. Sprinkles some truth in with your lies, and make them trust you by making them believe you trust them,”
“Where did you learn this?”
Vel shrugs “I do that with every guy I fuck,”
Vox and Val turn to her “Wait, what?”
“Okay,” Voe starts “But it will seem very suspicious if I start being nice to him. I mean, I got in a fight with the guy,”
“Don’t be nice to him, be nice to everyone else.” she tells her “Don’t ignore him completely, just don’t engage,”
Voe opens her eyes wide “And that will irk him, cuz he hates being ignored,”
“Exactly! Little good mornings here, how do you do’s there. You know the drill,”
“Okay, I can do this,”
“Good,”
Vox steps up “So head back there now,”
“And when you get back tell them you were out on the town, thinking about your past actions and how they’ve affected people,”
“Got it,”
When Voe walks through those doors, she is immediately ambushed by Angel Dust
“You’re not working for them, are you?”
“What?”
“The Vees!”
“Don’t you work for the Vees? Why are you pressing me?”
“Do you work for them or not?”
She spins to face him “No! Okay? Vox offered me a job and I turned it down! There are you happy?”
“What about your lives?”
“They sponsor me, but I don’t work for them! Geez,”
Angel stands with his arms crossed and Voe remembers what Velvette told her “Listen, Angel,” she puts her hand on one of his arms “I don’t want you to worry, I’m just fine, and I am fully committed to this Hotel and redemption. Okay?”
He seems less tense at that response “Alright, I’m still keeping an eye on you. Just be careful, all right?”
“I got it,”
The next morning during Charlie’s activity Voe stuck her hand straight up in the air.
“Oh Voe, you don’t have to raise your hand. Are you okay? You seem sad,”
Voe stands quietly, smoothing her dress down. She looks Charlie in the eye for a moment “I just wanted to say something to you, well, to everyone actually. I apologize for my recent behavior, there’s no better way to put it. I was a huge bitch.”
“True,” Angel comments
Voe angles her eyes downward “I’m…autistic and very low empathy, so I want to work to be kind to others despite that. I am from this moment on, fully committed to the betterment of myself and others! If you’ll allow me to try,” she looks back at Charlie who’s tearing up
“Oh come here!” she envelopes Voe into a hug, slightly pushing her face into her boobs “Of course!” she shakes Voe in the hug.
When she pulls back, Voe sits down and says “Thank you,” and nods once. She glances over at Alastor who is eyeing her with suspicion which she meets with her warm smile.
For the next few weeks, Voe decides to help around, attending each activity. At first, it was quite difficult to wake up at 8 every morning and engage with others, but she got used to it eventually. She found herself doing favors for people and raising her hand more and more. Alastor didn’t bother her really, he lurked around corners and stood in dark areas, like a creep. Especially when she was with Lucifer. Lucifer was the utmost gentleman she could have ever asked for, but their dates became more and more lackluster, at least from Voe’s perspective. Lucifer himself was having a blast. She somewhat missed her back and forth and fights. The sex was great, however. She somewhat wished they could just have sex and not talk. Lucifer showered her with gifts upon gifts, and she accepted them of course, but she was worried about the look in his eye that he got when he spoke to her. It almost felt…too intimate.
Although…she thought, why was Alastor watching her when she was with Lucifer? She shook her head, he thought he was so clever and stealthy, but she could always see him, watching. She began to wonder what exactly he was staring at.
“Hello Alastor,” she spoke in passing to him
“Salutations, my dear,” he began “What’s this new game?” he asked right before she rounded the corner
Voe slowly turns around “Game?” she asks with a warm smile
“Yes, are you ignoring me now? Did I hurt your feelings?”
She turns to fully face him “I have no clue what you’re talking about, my good sir,”
He turns with his hands on his cane “How is your relationship with Lucifer doing? I’ve heard you too are officially together, at least that’s what he’s been saying,”
“Oh?”
“Is it untrue?”
“It’s not, I just wonder why it concerns you,”
He steps closer “I just can’t imagine how bored you must feel. All the compliments about your outfit that doesn’t match your shoes, or your hair with all the split ends, and your makeup that’s lighter than your skin tone,”
“It is not!”
He shrugs “Uhuh. But I guess you love that. The same every day, something like a broken record!”
“I’m sorry, what stake do you have in this?”
“Just trying to help you out,”
“How exactly?”
“Trying to save you from an endless relationship full of depression and ducks”
She steps toward him “And why would you want to save me?”
“Because I know that you are going to be terribly bored, and when one is terribly bored they explode. I wouldn’t want you to destroy our ‘fearless leader’,” he rolls his eyes
Voe snickers “Since when do you care about him? Or me?”
“Who says I care? I just find it entertaining to bother you! Nowadays, however, you’re just as boring as he is.”
“I am not boring,”
He blinks at her “Mhmm. I get bored just looking at you,”
Voe keeps her expression blank “So why are we having this conversation?”
“It’s the only fun thing to do with you,”
She smirks “I guarantee there are much more fun things that you could do with me,”
“I think this one’s the best!”
She shrugs “Well good day to you Alastor!” she waves him off
“Mhmmm!”
“And this one is named Kevin!”
“Do you name all of them?” she asked flatly
He mods and smiles “I named this one George, while this one is Georgia. They’re twins!”
“Oh wow,”
“Yeah! I made this one for Charlie’s 100th birthday! Oh, they grow up so fast! And this one is the magictastical backflipping rubber duck. That breathes fire!”
“Wow Lucifer, that’s so cool!”
He looks to her “I’m sorry, I know I’ve been talking about this for a while. Is there something you want to do?”
Voe smirks “Yes,”
“Oh? What do you wanna do? We could watch a movie, or play some card games. Oh! I have another collection of ducks in the basement if you wanna see those. Honestly, I don’t know where the basement to this hotel is, and I-oh!”
While he spoke Voe dropped down onto her knees and unzipped his pants “Is this okay?” she asked, her voice sultry and smooth
“Y-yes,”
She pulls out his cock, thin, long, and white. She trails her fingers up and down the length of it and walks them up and down as well. “Is it okay if I put this in my mouth?”
Lucifer nods vigorously at the control she’s taken. She pumps the shaft a few times before kissing the tip of the penis and sliding it into her mouth. She bobs up and down on it as Lucifer sweats and his eyes back into his head
“Uh…Lilith,’
Voe pulls his cock out of her mouth with a loud ‘pop’ “What did you just call me?”
“Uh I uh I mean uh-“
She drops his cock and stands “I am…going to leave,”
His face falls “Yeah, I think that’s for the best,”
Did this man look her in the face and call out his ex’s name? This was the last straw, he wasn’t even interesting and the sex could be better and he dared to call someone else’s name!
Storming out of Lucifer’s room she bumps directly into Alastor’s chest “Oh my, you’re in such a rush. Do watch where you’re going, my dear,”
She sighs “I don’t have time for you,”
“Oh? Where are you headed?”
“None of your business,”
Alastor reaches out and grabs her arm “What’s wrong, my dear?”
“What?”
“What’s the matter?”
She furrows her brows in confusion “Why are you asking me that?”
“Because you are clearly distressed. Come,” he guides her to his radio tower and sits her down. Alastor turns on the radio and smooth jazz plays out of it. He sits down and turns to her, crossing his legs and putting his hands over his knees. “Would you like some coffee?”
“I hate coffee,”
He turns his lips up “My friend gave me some herbal tea, would you like that?”
She tilts her head “I would,”
He stands, humming to the soft jazz as he brews the tea. He bends over and the bottom of his coat raises a bit. Voe chuckles at the sight of his tiny butt and is shocked at the sight of something furry above it. Was that a tail? His handing her the tea broke her focus. She smiles and takes it, sipping gently and small. He sits back down. For a few moments, the only sound in the room is the music and her sips.
“Are you going to speak?”
“I was waiting for you to tell me what’s wrong. But we don’t always have to talk. We can sit in nice silence,”
The silence felt comfy, not at all like what it was with Lucifer. There didn’t have to be words; this was just fine. She continues to sip the tea. “Why are you suddenly interested in my feelings?”
He shrugs “You seemed upset, so I wanted to know what was happening,”
“So you’re a gossip?”
He grins “Guilty,”
Voe places the cup of tea to the side on an empty desk “If you must know, Lucifer and I were….intimate-“ Alastor chuckles and she glares at him playfully “And he said the former Queen’s name,”
Alastor begins laughing openly “Wow, he is much more pathetic than I thought,”
“I was quite insulted, as you can imagine,”
“Well you were in such a hurry, anyone could tell!”
“Well, now you know what was wrong,”
Alastor sits in silence and then speaks “I believe I should apologize to you for being so…..rude,”
“Oh?”
“I should not have said such rude things, and you were right. I don’t know you. And I think I might like to,”
“Really?”
“Yes really,”
Voe finishes her tea “How delightful!”
“I don’t think it’s that delightful. It’s very hard to apologize,”
“Well I’m not the one apologizing,” she grins
He grins back “Yes, it is very hard for me,”
Voe laughs “I do hope that if you are getting to know me, then the offer is turned the other way as well,”
“What do you mean?”
“I’d like to get to know you,”
“Fair enough,”
She crosses her legs “Wonderful, I have a question now actually,”
“Mmm, so eager,” his tone suspicious
Voe waves him off “Do you have a partner?”
Alastor blinks “I do not,”
“You don’t? Why not?”
He chuckles “And why do you care so much?”
“Well, you were interested in my love life,”
He sighs “I don’t see the point in having a lover. What would I do with them? I prefer to have friends,”
“Oh just ignore romance,”
“Oh, romance! Romance turns into betrayal and that turns into a messy situation,”
“A cynic, are you?” Alastor shrugs in response “So you’ve never engaged in anything, physical?”
He shakes his head “It never seemed to interest me,”
Voe leans back “Ask me something,”
He thinks for a moment “What do you do when you’re not here?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you work, go for walks, or run errands?”
She nods “I like to walk and spend time alone, so I can properly think. It’s hard to when everyone is around and talking all the time and all at once,”
“Hmm, how strange. What is autism?” Voe smirks and doesn’t answer right away “Earlier you said you had it,”
“Autism is a developmental disability that affects how people learn, behave, communicate, and interact with others. It’s caused by brain differences,”
He thinks about it “Ahh, you’re like a little changeling!”
“No,”
“But that’s what changelings are,”
“Changelings are not real,”
“Of course they are! My mother used to tell me stories about them all the time! Fairies come in the night and replace your baby with one of theirs! My cousin was one!”
Voe gives him a blank stare “No, changelings…are not real. They are what uneducated people called autistic children,”
“Hmm! Well, I never knew that!”
“Now you know! Anything else you’d like to ask me Alastor?”
“Is Voe your real name?”
She chuckles some more “No,” she smirks
“What’s your name?”
Voe gives him coy eyes “Vera,”
“Oh! I think I like Vera much better,”
“Yeah, well,” she shrugs
“May I say something?”
Voe sits forward “You may,”
“You are quite a beautiful lady,”
She blushes slightly and smiles “Thank you,”
“Anytime,”
“You’re not so bad looking yourself,”
“Tell me something I don’t know!”
She laughs at his wit “You can be very funny when you try,”
“I am hilarious,” he grins, his teeth on full display
Voe leans forward “May I say something to you?”
“Sure,”
“I may or may not enjoy our little ‘tit for tats’”
His eyes widen and so does his smile “I knew it!”
“Yes, I must say that I do enjoy somebody that doesn’t just let me be right,”
Alastor sits back “Ah yes, you enjoy the struggle and the fight. Well my dear, with me you will struggle for the rest of your life,” he smirks wide “At least until I say so,”
“Oooh until you say so? You think you have that much control?”
“I know I do,”
Voe takes the elevator down to Vox’s office, he’s focused on his screens when she appears “Vox!” she sings when she approaches him
“Yes?” he asks not looking away from the screens
“I was right, he’s a virgin!”
Vox begins to cackle as Voe puts her hands on his shoulders “Good,”
“Good what?” she starts massaging his shoulders
“He’ll be easier to destroy. Everyone knows virgins are sensitive little bitches,”
Voe continues to massage Vox’s shoulders as he moans into the feeling “How does that feel?”
“Pretty good,”
“Would you like me to keep going?”
“Yes, keep going baby girl,” he turns around and pulls her onto his lap to straddle him “Tell Daddy what else you found sweetie,” he bites his lip and closes his eyes as he places his hand on her lower back to keep her
“Well, nothing yet,”
Vox grabs her face “Hey, what’s going on? Why is the process slowing down huh?”
“Well, I thought we were done,”
“I wanna tell you something, just because the project is finished, doesn’t mean we don’t prepare for other projects. Do you understand?” Voe nods “I’m sorry, you don’t know how to use that pretty little mouth of yours?”
“Yes,”
“Good. You’re such a good girl. You’re doing so good,” he wraps his fingers around her neck “Don’t make me have to punish you,”
Voe bleats in response “Okay,” her voice trembles
“You’re gonna get more for me hmm?”
“Yes,”
“Doesn’t sound very convincing,” he drags his tongue along her shoulder and up her neck
“I will,” her voice sounds stronger
“Good, because I’m serious. These little games, they get tiring. Get me the information I need, your else I will finger you so hard that I will fuck up your internal organs, then fuck you so hard you’ll rip in half. And I mean that, literally. Okay?”
“Okay,”
“Huh? I can’t hear you,”
“Okay,” she says louder
“Okay? Okay, what?”
“Okay Vox,” her lips and thighs are trembling as his grip on her throat tightens
“You’re so hot,” he whispers into her ear before biting it
“Thank you,”
“Did I tell you to speak?” Voe doesn’t know whether or not she is meant to answer this question, as Vox leaves kisses on her arms and chest. “You’re so rude to talk when I’m talking,” She nods as he cups her breast and plays with it like Play-Doh. “Be a good girl and stay quiet,” and she nods once more.
Chapter 10>
#hazbin hotel#hazbin#original character#the radio demon#alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#hazbin alastor#alastor hazbin hotel#alastor the radio demon#headcanon#the vees#valentino hazbin hotel#hazbin valentino#staticmoth#voxval#hazbin hotel valentino#vox the tv demon#vox#hazbin vox#hazbin hotel vox#radiostatic#hazbin hotel velvette#hazbin velvette#vox x oc#oc x canon#alastor x oc#oc#ocs#my ocs#voethebeau
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Episode Fanfic Reference
Here is a link to every fic we've discussed on the pod:
Ep 1 - Stucky: Mistake on the Part of Nature by idiopathicsmile
Ep 2 - FinnPoe: the coat thief by Gretahs
Ep 3 - LOTR: Cabbages and Kings by Mickleditch (Merry/Pippen)
Ep 3 - LOTR: Finding Comfort by scarletjedi (Gimli/Legolas)
Ep 3 - LOTR: On the Cold Hill Side by marycrawford (Gimli/Legolas)
Ep 3 - LOTR: Lords of Misrule by FabulaRasa (Gimli/Legolas)
Ep 4 - Ineffable Husbands: i'd like for you and i to go romancing by dollsome
Ep 5 - Grindeldore: Relationship Counselling by Anonymous
Ep 6 - Hannigram: La Maison Rouge by Randstad
Ep 7 - JohnLock: The Internet Is Not Just For Porn by cyerus
Ep 9 - Cherik: Order Up by ikeracity
Ep 10 - Leverage OT3: your body is a war zone but you are not a ruin by postcardmystery
Ep 10 - Leverage OT3: the warmth of your doorways by gyzym
Ep 10 - Leverage OT3: safe as houses by thecanaryfalls
Ep 10 - Leverage OT3: The Not Your Teaching Tool Job by BlackEyedGirl
Ep 11 - 00Q: Synchronicity by stereobone
Ep 13 - Sterek: Lock All The Doors Behind You by entanglednow
Ep 14 - Comedies: Anniversary by Desdemon (Nick/Schmidt)
Ep 14 - Comedies: My Gay Jungle Fever by typicrobots (JD/Turk)
Ep 15 - McDanno: Love's a Battlefield (and the Navy Did Not Train Steve for This Shit) by cyerus
Ep 16 - Kirk/Spock: Translating Ennoia by WerewolvesAreReal
Ep 17 - Buddie: a leaf falls on loneliness by iimpossible_things
Ep 18 - Nygmobblepot: flowers grow out of my grave (grave, grave) by CallicoKitten
Ep 19 - Starsky/Hutch: Blue by molo (esteefee)
Ep 20 - 80s Action Movies: My Word Is My Bond (But So Are These Handcuffs) by SirRobin126 (Midnight Run)
Ep 20 - 80s Action Movies: Probably Safer Together and Fabulous Face by fakebodies (Thunderbolt and Lightfoot)
Ep 21-24 - Destiel: Dean Doesn't Listen to Eurythmics by Annie D (scaramouche)
Ep 21-24 - Destiel: things happen (they do, they do, and they do) by sobsicles
Ep 21-24 - Destiel: according to all known laws of life by sobsicles
Ep 26 - SamBucky: warm blood (feels good, i can't control it anymore) by notcaycepollard
Ep 26 - SamBucky: just won't do right by glittercake
Ep 27 - Loki/Mobius: Compliments? That's suspicious by Ijustlikereadingcutefics
Ep 28 - Top Gun: people like us. by Skyuni123 (Rooster/Hangman, Iceman/Maverick)
Ep 28 - Top Gun: Men Like Us by DancingDisaster (Rooster/Hangman, Iceman/Maverick)
Ep 29 - Blackbeard/Stede: Close Quarters by FortinbrasFTW
Ep 31 - Cowboys: Northward Drive by Keiko Kirin (sakana17) (Red River)
Ep 31 - Cowboys: Blood and Whiskey by astolat (Tombstone)
Ep 32 - Kirk/Spock Kelvin: The Genetic Soap Opera (or, One of the Less Dignified Royal Weddings) by waketosleep
Ep 32 - Kirk/Spock Kelvin: a sequence that you never learned by annataylor
Ep 33 - Black Sails: Nature's Delight by Fyre (Flint/Thomas)
Ep 33 - Black Sails: Until death it is all life. by Craftnarok (Flint/Silver)
Ep 34 - Captain Marvel/Maria Rambeau: flying homeward down your highway by gdgdbaby
Ep 35 - Leverage ot3: the war outside our door keeps raging on by spinninginfinity
Ep 35 - Loki/Mobius: out of focus/eye to eye by markofalover
Ep 35 - BlackBonnet: Impulsivity and Authenticity by Skrifores
Ep 35 - Ineffable Husbands: Drinking Buddies and Diaries by dove_dove
Ep 36 - Due South: Locked Room Puzzle by Speranza (Fraser/RayK)
Ep 36 - Due South: All We Gotta Do is Be Brave and Be Kind by spuffyduds (Fraser/RayV)
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Dangerous Romance: The Curious Case of Kang's Shirts
Or how I can prove that he's not into Pimfah using the law of buttons.
It's 11 PM on Thursday in the desert and, as always, I can't stop thinking about Dangerous Romance. Now, I'm sure most folks are pretty confident that Episode 5 showing a somewhat infatuated with Pimfah Kang is the result of gay panic/confused feelings/compulsory heterosexuality. But one thing I haven't seen mentioned is how Kang is dressing (or undressing, or dressing down) for different people in his life.
My sweet baby Kang has been dressing for the job he wants: Sailom's boo. School uniforms are, in a word, hella lame--and the first interaction we get with Sailom and Kang in the 'real world' Kang rolls up in this stunner of an outfit.
Date outfit number 1
We've got leather pants that won't quit--they're shiny, they're stylish, and they are paired with an impressively blousey blouse.
He's fully accessorized: watch? check. Bracelet? you betcha. Ring? Absolutely. Necklace? never leaves the house without it. Sailom has to pay attention to him when he's looking this good, right? Right?
Date Outfit Number 2
And here is angry kitten Kang on his way to commit a crime. The crime being his passion for Sailom of course...
and bringing a gun Sailom's house (unloaded guys! it's perfectly fine!--Kang's defense). He took a cab to his midnight rendevouz; Now we know Kang has a scooter. Did he not want to mess up his hair on the ride over? His neckline has gotten progressively lower and buddy boy did he also accessorize. Is silver too matchy-matchy with gun metal? Kang doesn't think so.
Date outfit number 3
My wayward boys next out-of-school encounter is their Khaosan Road adventure. Now here Kang explicitly states that if he would have known they were going to a bar he would have gone home to change. They end up in some fabulous tourist threads--note here that Kang just can't stop himself from a low button shirt & classic pukkha shell necklace. (shout out to fashion police Nawa for his burn)
Pimfah's Birthday Lunch:
Kang celebrates Pimfah's birthday and this is where they interrupt Sailom's escorting date. Is Kang looking slick? Yes of course he is.
And yeah, it wouldn't be Kang without showing some skin... But that neckline has inched its way upwards. Top button and a high one at that.
Date outfit number 4
But what do you wear to welcome your totally just platonic, I don't even like him grandma I despise him, secret crush tutor Sailom? Obviously the shirt with the most cleavage.
If the wind blew I could see his nipples (ahem...Sailom).
Date with Pimfah:
And for the open house open heart Kang is in date mode, but for the first time ever covering up. He is advertising the fact He is in fact totally okay with this, in a crewneck sweatshirt. The face of a man okay with everything happening, right?
You can fool yourself for a while Kang, but you can't fool your excellent taste in low cut shirts. Or me.
#dangerous romance the series#perth tanapon#chimon wachirawit#kang x sailom#please send help#it's giving todd from not me#dangerously low cut shirts romance#thai bl
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I just saw your post about Marsha and how Mick treated her and thought why don’t The Rolling Stones fandom not know about her except how he got her. They always talk about Marianne and how sorry they felt when she was put on drugs, had a miscarriage, almost committed suicide, and was suffering from deep depression. But never bring up Marsha and how much she suffered. They bring up how “amazing” Anita is and they things she did for The Stones or whatever thousands of times but never talk about how Marsha introduced a new band member, and a new manager for them and even gave Mick’s brother a job. They’ll even bring up the loads of groupies they had and all the things they supposedly did for them, but never bring up Marsha and how amazing she is, they just love to slander her name. They’ll acknowledge Bianca and say she was “THE QUEEN” ? Talking about how she controlled Mick and keep him in line, how “fabulous” she is. It’s irritating. The worst part of it all is that people only talk about how she was just Micks first babymomma and nothing really more than that. 🤦🏾♀️ She wasn’t a bitch, so I guess she gets slept on!
Great question! Well, for one thing, Mick and Marsha’s relationship was very clandestine and private, which was quite different from Mick’s other relationships which were more high-profile. You always saw Mick and Marianne together, hand-in-hand at events, or splashed across newspapers from some scandal. And Bianca and Jerry were socialites who loved attention, too. Marsha is the only one who really minds her damn business to the point where she lived in nearly complete isolation in France for a while by herself. She loved Mick, but she never wanted to be famous or to be known as his ‘girlfriend’. She just wanted to make music and do her own thing, much like him!
Also…..she’s BLACK …and we all know how Black women are treated in mostly white fandoms. So i think she's just disregarded. But let’s be honest, people always talk about Anita Pallenberg as this fashion-forward, super metropolitan muse to the Rolling Stones who changed up their style in the late 60s, which in many ways she was. I mean, she was influential. But, she was also in a way, a glorified junkie who rattled cages. She was a damn mess from the start. She fucked Brian, then Keith and rumor has it, Mick, too. Many people have even said that she was a shit starter, and an instigator who brought out the absolute worst in people. Bill Wyman even called her an actual witch. Notice that Brian, Marianne, and Keith's drug addiction got worse (way worse) after they started being around her. She even once messed with some 17 year old boy who shot himself in the head with Keith's gun in their house. A mess! Marianne is another overrated white girl who started fucking Mick when she knew he was with somebody else. In fact, he was dating R&B singer, P.P. Arnold (former Ikette), so I really don't understand why she was always crying and going on about Marsha Hunt and how she supposedly stole his ass from her. I mean, Mick and Marianne weren't married. Plus, Mick constantly complained to Marsha about Marianne’s drug addiction and how she was ALWAYS high and strung out so much so that their relationship had become pretty much platonic when he started talking to Marsha. The girl was just gone. Bianca is another over-glamorized chickenhead, I can't stand her ass either. She’s very nasty and mean. Another thing is, Marsha’s career never really took off after getting with Mick. The 70s and 80s were tough on her, she didn’t have a lot of opportunities and she was raising a child on her own with practically nothing (sis even resorted to getting food stamps and cleaning people’s houses for money), plus suing Mick ruined her reputation on top of all the lies and bullshit he was saying about her to the press.
Like I mentioned in part 2 of the Mick Jagger & Marsha Hunt thread, when Mick met Marsha, the motherfucka literally showed up at her house unannounced, even after she turned him down the first time. And after they started dating, she listened to ALL his damn problems, sis got him a new guitarist after the Rolling Stones fired Brian Jones from the band, got him a new tour manager and a new secretary to handle ALL the Rolling Stones concerts and affairs, consoled him when Brian died, consoled him after his girlfriend tried to commit suicide, was there for his monkey ass after that shitshow at the Altamont Speedway where 4 people were killed during the Stones’ concert, she even hid him out and kept him safe after the Hell’s Angels security put a hit out on his ass and tried to murder him after he blamed them for what happened. Here's them talking about how they was gone kill his ass and why he had a price on his head:
Marsha even got his younger brother a job after he came back from India and was completely broke and damn near homeless. After he got married, Mick would even call Marsha up and complain to her about how Bianca was getting on his damn nerves. In her book, Marsha said she would’ve died for him if he asked her to…and he fucking played her. Even after all that, she never once bad-mouthed him, or called him names, none of that. She just wanted him to take responsibility. He completely deserted her and their child. It was horrible and he sounded like a complete lunatic talking about Karis wasn't his. Marsha has always been kind to his wife Bianca and Jerry and all of his children who love her too. But I find it really ironic how she always said never wanted to be known as Mick Jagger’s girlfriend and that’s exactly what happened. Ya'll need to show that woman some motherfucking respect because none of them hoes deserves it more than her. Give Marsha her damn flowers. She's a QUEEN!!!
#marsha hunt#mick jagger#the rolling stones#black women#interracial relationship#bianca jagger#marianne faithfull#anita pallenberg#jerry hall#karis jagger#rock & roll#rock history#music#fans#fandom#anon#old school tea#sbrown82
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