#Guess I'm going through a season of insecurity

[primordialruin]

I often feel a little embarrassed of my portrayal because my Lilith isn't this cool, dark goddess that her art inspires. I feel I've humanized her too much to be someone extremely admired of feared. Maybe I have made her too magnanimous. Idk. Sometimes I regret my choices so much that it makes me want to delete my blog all together.

[rotagnus]

your vibes + how you come off.

i'm so happy spring finally came! lovebugs, make sure to take care of yourself and put good energy back to the universe during this season. take time to rest and recuperate before going on any big endeavors.

this pac will focus on aspects of you, particularly aspects that are visible physically or can be sensed by other people. choose a pile with your gut feeling; if none resonate, don't force it.

pile 1.

first thing i heard was angel. you guys come off as bubbly and radiant, but quiet and guarded, the way that a cat is; picky and choosy with who they grow close with, but absolutely affectionate and loving to those select few. some of you prefer the night to the day, choosing an overall darker aesthetic; nurturing your flaws make come easier to you, for you understand that not everything can be bright and fluffy all the time. you reminisce on your childhood and may find ways to incorporate that into your overall style; think y2k, or specific niches that may have been inspired from beloved childhood shows, like monster high. your aura is bright and toned, and your presence is well-felt, even when it doesn't feel like it. you stand out in a crowd. people think that you're sensitive yet strong, protective yet mellow, a contradiction of many qualities that makes you very lovable. a lot of you may think that you're not feminine enough, but honey; your authenticity should make that insecurity wash away. you're able to be yourself, nourishing and sweet and oh so beautiful, just because you don't make yourself fit into boxes that diminish your bright, bright soul. a lot of you may be insecure about your physical features, but honestly? others don't even notice that. a select few of you may have been more insecure as a kid because your features didn't fit the beauty norm, maybe not eurocentric, but guess what? you've grown into your own skin so beautifully, it's like your beauty and soul comes to you so easily, others don't even question it. a lot of you may experiment with beads and jewelry, and this makes you look very put together. think of the cool mom from 90s shows, of those movies like waves and the florida project, that nostalgic summery beauty? that's all you, boo. you glimmer regardless of anything. like flowers. a lot of you do stick to darker shades as i've mentioned, but i think red can make all of you stand out, if that's what you're looking for. those of you that use perfumes/mists alwayssss smell good and people love how you take care of your physical appearance.

that's all! i hope that you liked it, pile 1. my well-wishes for you to thrive during spring <3

pile 2.

you guys have a very homey energy, very grounded and earthy. the type of beauty i'd see on instagram, a beautiful person in outdoorsy settings; you guys look GOOOD in nature photoshoots. you guys have very cat-like features and some of you accentuate that with eyeliner, i'm hearing that most of you prefer to let your natural features shine with amplification rather than having over-the-top makeup. green is probably a significant color for some of you, and i think a lot of you prefer spring and summer to winter and fall because you think that you can experiment with outfits easily. many of you are intellectuals, and people can sense that from a mile away. clever and foxy, you guys can intimidate people simply because they know that you've been through it, and come out golden. you guys have a very commanding presence, but you also manage to be witty and have a sense of humor. you guys know that you're not better than anyone else, and people feel like they can find a good, down-to-earth friend in you. you remind people of beaches and the smell of sunscreen and coconut, i think a lot of you are generally excited to go swimming! you go, siren. when you come into people's lives, you bring synchronicity. it's like wherever you go, the universe follows, and a lot of people like to study you and think about how you manage to be soooo yourself and alluring. some of you may live more in the south of wherever your climate is; you're the kind of person people see once in their life time, in an airport or the ocean and think woww. a lot of you think that you stand out from people but in a bad way; the ugly duckling. in fact, that whole story can be used to define you. you know who the ugly duckling turned out to be? the absolutely divine, gorgeous swan. just because you're not shining now or didn't before doesn't mean that the rest of your life is doomed, sweetlove. alright? so relax. we go through ups and downs, and a lot of people are aware that you'd rather stick your chin up and continue mothering and helping everyone else than to save yourself. honey, pour a little of that fruit juice into your own cup. it'll help you <3 people do really think that you're a sweetheart and that you care just a little too much about the wrong people, sometimes.

that's all! i hope that this resonated, pile 2. i hope that this spring brings you the ease you deserve <3

pile 3.

you guys remind me of cherry blossoms and elegant architecture, pile 3. of warm tea and autumn days that leave you feeling well-rested yet refreshed. purple may be a significant color for you, as well as forests. a lot of you do prefer to spend your time trying to grow and blossom as a soul, for you believe that nurturing your talents and hobbies will make your life better. you guys may be a bit of a mess; frazzled at times, but this is really more endearing to others than you think. you're very polite and respectful even when you really should've said something, but other than that, you're seen as a very kind person, maybe a little bit on the quiet side, but very introspective and thoughtful. you guys are my creative spirits; youthful and sprite-like, with features that probably make you look a bit younger than you seem. you guys remind me of fawns and lambs, although your appearance doesn't match your soul; you're much smarter than you look. probably more connected to the spiritual than the upper two piles. you guys are literally the sun, baby. you know how to make your presence feel like greatness and how to make your absence feel like terror, although you probably don't try to accomplish either of these things. you guys may be a bit scared of being too brash or loud, but darling, you're not--you're literally like a moment from the summer, a moment of pure peace that makes people feel uplifted. if you ever feel like you're too much; let people find someone less than you. the right people will never feel like there's too much of you; on the contrary, they'll always be hungry for more. a lot of you experiment with styles of appearance, the type of person who tries new hair colors and styles and looks absolutely STUNNING with all of them. you've been many different people; been in different places, and somehow found a way to blossom regardless. you guys are much stronger than you think you are, pile 3. you guys are much more beautiful, adorable, and LOVABLE than you believe you are.

that's all! i hope you found some peace, pile 3. i hope that you have a sweet, blessed day <3

[understandableparadox]

a comprehensive list of everything wrong with hazbin hotel.

quick note before i lose myself in madness, my standards for helluvaboss are non existent because its a free show on youtube. also i kinda like helluvaboss and i will indulge in any bias i damn well please.

oh and spoilers. i guess.

the greater narrative of the entire season is "White lady civilize inner city hoodlum". ex: The blind side. rich girl, affluent family yadda yadda.

the story is set up to be like amphibia, owl house, svtfoe, steven universe, that being starting as something episodic then transforming into story driven narrative. why? because we know the benefits and drawbacks, episodic starts allows us to wander the world, it allows us to understand the dynamics, we are not forced to reckon with anything because there is no deadline. characters are allowed to bloom and shine and the audience can actually get attached.

the source material is Vary Clearly formed from remnants of something out of a middle school edgelord narrative. the usage of transformation, the big spooky grins, the "and then i smile as my eyes glow and-"-isms which in most cases i don't mind because in some instances but in a vary Particular case its astoundingly annoying and that annoyance is like a mold, shit spreads quick.

the color Red. as a lover of homestuck cherubs and karkat and aradia, as someone who fucking loves the color red, it is so painful to say but holy shit tone it the fuck down, i know its hell but their are so many other colors that you can use, its everywhere, the streets, the air, the windows, the screens, the characters, i know the pride ring is represented with red but change up the palates every so often for backgrounds

the rush, this ties into the second point made but i think the story itself is rushed. we know everything way to early. i know way to much and it makes it hard to care about anything because im still trying to digest the last chunk of info. "oh ok, so they clear out hell once a year. oh hell has a heaven embassy? ok. oh that adam the angel, i though he wou- oh its every 6 months now. wait the exterminators die a lot? then why is everyone sca- people in hell already have weapons that can kill angels? w- oh we are in heaven now, ok ma- no one in heaven except for the elites know the exterminations occur? how do-" and its that, just this incessant rush to explain everything to you. notably that's just the god damn spark notes, we need to know everything about the characters now, every single bit of their story, their insecurities, what charlie needs to fix, how she can fix them, the major bad guys, everything. you are never allowed to dwell on a character because we need to rush towards something else. it almost feels like this should have been like... season three, it would have been a fantastic season three if you dropped the introductions honestly.

the concept of redemption. for a story of redemption to work you need to look at three things. What is there crime, Do they want to change, What is preventing them from changeing? there is only one single character that has a notable path of redemption, angel dust, but if you look through their story it feels off. What Exactly is he guilty of? he has sex, does drugs and drinks. his apparent nymphomania is tied to his sad backstory as someone forced into the sex industry so how is that their fault? then if you think about it you start to spiral and notice "hey why are most of these people in hell?" like sure some of them may deserve punishment but then you see the fucking dichotomy and its like "I was a inventor in england and died of the fucking plague, i may have made evil little contraption hoohoohoo" vs "I was a cannibal, a full on cannibal, i fucking killed people and ate them and then someone shot me". ONE OF THESE THINGS ARE A LITTLE MORE FUCKING EXTREME. i'm going to go fucking nuts, the thing they went to heaven with when presenting a case to angels on the idea that redemption and becoming a better person is actually real was angel dust not drinking at a party and not having sex with consenting adults and i want to go fucking insane. WHAT IS THE CRIME, WHO IS THROWING THE BOOK, WHAT DOES THE BOOK INTEL, ARE WE ON GOOD PLACE RULES?! half the cast dont Need redemption they need fucking help, and the other half of the cast do need redemption but they do not seek it making the point moot. sir pentious acts like he has the brain of a hyper intelligent toddler tossing about toys, its almost like he did his one bad thing of spying and then got caught, sank his little diddy about forgiveness and second chances and become a null point through out the rest of the series, sure their was Some weight to him sacrificing himself, he was a decently funny character and he had good moments but him popping up in heaven felt like a fore gone conclusion, he didn't deserve to be in hell so why do i care that he is suddenly in heaven? because its working on the concept the good place already made. no one actually deserves eternal punishment they just need help processing what makes them a dick, but instead of looking at all the parts of the afterlife that make it bad, inefficient and then creating and trying ideas to see if it work instead over a few seasons, we crash dick first into all the major plot points in regards to that and say "tada, we fixed it.".

having a sub-plot about sexual assault and its victims then having multiple sexual assault related gag ruins your point.

don't make a bunch of stereotypically jewish characters into cannibals, that was a big thing, really shouldn't have to say it.

if you are going to make a character black, make them black, you can say alastor was black but sweet seren-fucking-dippity that's not a black man.

pot meet kettle but yeah the cursing could be a little less liberal. maybe just blue hair or the pronouns, not both.

there is a very distinctive art deco/jazz aesthetic which normally i love but i feel as though it is not used to its full extent and in some cases really hurts the character design in and of itself.

this is a vary obvious bit but the story is a million times more interested in gay men then it is of lesbians, which culminates in this insane thing where the writers clearly have more talent or perhaps it would be more abt to say practice writing male gay pining then they are with lesbian pining. which i personally think is hilarious because i did not know you could min max fujoshi-ism that hard.

this next section is more to do with each character on a fundamental level, for the sake of brevity whatever there is left, i'm just doing ones with speaking roles.

13. Charlie:

(see what i mean about that red thing?)

as originally stated charlie fits rather comfortably into every white saviour narrative, though that seems to be part of her joke. though i'm not entirely sure how much of a joke it can be when its rewarded and expected to advance the plot.

her character design says nothing, it has the motif of old puppets or dolls, she wears something vaguely similar to service suits, her demonic form is just some extra horns.not to say every character needs to have their life on a clothes rack but some more snake and goat imagery would be nice

its not the chol design of charlie with snake hair, not an actual problem but its a problem to me, damn you @cholvoq for ruining my ability to look at any of the characters without wishing i was seeing your designs instead.

character wise aside from the white savoir bit, i'm having a bit of trouble understanding what the arc of the character is. she is shown to be naive, someone who doesn't understand how the world works but everytime she says something its something astoundingly clear like "people can actually get better". and its treated like someone demanded faygo in every water fountain. is the joke that the world around her to cynical or is so to naive? please pick one or the other.

now if you know me, you know i fucking hate overpowered characters with a blinding passion, one that would set alit the god damn abyss but in this one special instance, i feel like its warranted, she's the direct descendant of fucking God, she can swing her weight around a little, i mean god damn. she in so many instances looks like shes cowering so often, why would the daughter of lucifer get backed down by some rando pimp? why wasn't she the one to fight adam? sure you can say she is young but how young? her parents were there since pre-abrahamic times, most of the characters showed up in hell in the 1900s, some of them showed up in the 1600s, how old is charlie??? how long does it take for her to learn how to be strong? The story does not suffer if charlie is strong and knows she is strong. it can easily be a case of "i don't believe in violence to a weird degree". fit it into her apparent naivety about the world to believe that violence is never the answer even when dealing with a being that is unilaterally horrible and abusive and monstrous.

she ga- no im kidding, i do think her romance was waysided a bit, it would have been fine to have more scenes of them togather and in love you know?

14. Vaggie

why did you name the lesbian vaggie...? Don't do that maybe?

I like how her design is almost moth like but again i feel as though you could have amped that up.

she feels as though someone tried to combine undyne and pearl from steven universe, same story beats and design elements. it makes it hard to really distinguish her as a character.

i honestly dont have much to say about her. she is fine.

christ kill me, lets just get the big one out of the way

15. Alastor.

God Damn

where to start.

"alastor is mixed race" mixed with fucking what? concrete? there is not a single black feature on that creature, now im not saying you have to make him a png of louie armstrong but it wouldn't hurt to add a curl to the hair maybe? make it a tiny bit more wavy? Something? a crumb i beg of thee?

his symbolism is all over the god damn place, native american monsters (you know the one), voodoo, radio, puppets, stitches, circuses??? and Tentacles i guess. two of those are from closed religions so if you dumped those you would actually get a more concise character focused on the concept of vox populi as a means of societal control and influence as we see in his first song. but again that gets drowned out repeatedly by all the other random toy box bits shoved into him.

tumblr sexy man bait

he serves no purpose in the story. he does spooky stuff, pretends to do things and then goes back to sitting around looking spooky. i understand that his motif is supposed to be aloof mastermind but maybe have him do more mastermindy things? if you remove most of alastors scenes, bar the songs, it doesn't change all to much. husk and nifity can still be at the hotel, they could be looking for outs in their contracts the same as angel dust. hell it even helps with the one scene where he dose some spooky shit, asking charlie for a favor in exchange for his help in the fight with the angels instead of asking him about angel weapons which should have remained a strictly vaggie scene.

his presence in a way delegitimize the story, as I noted in in the section regarding redemption, the three parts are "what is the crime, do they want to change, what is stopping them?" and alastor kinda just spits in the face of that. he is a serial killer cannibal that has no qualms about how evil he is and apparently must continue being evil due to being under the control under someone legitimately called the Root Of All Evil. show him take a slight interest in the idea that maybe shit for him could be better, make him Want Change at the bare fucking minimum or dont have him at the hotel.

his stupid little fucking horns, big shot the troll liker wants characters to have big fucking horns, make them noticeable or dont have them.

he looks more like a dog boy, which could have been an interesting thing with the collar motif but fuck me i guess.

personal pet peeve but i fucking hate characters that have a million plus powers, stick to a set number, be creative.

im getting more petty as i go on so last point: he could have been in less episodes, he didn't need to be in dad beat dad, that should have been just a lucifer and charlie episode. inverse the red and black and i think he would be fucking great color wise, his body type is the same as ten different characters, he isnt radio enough, aside from the voice and and staff if you told me he was the fucking Cat Demon i would have been just as convinced.

16. Angel Dust

what the fuck, gay spider? its hard to actully articulate all the thoughts i have on angel dust, not in the sense that he is a deeply thought provoking character but in the fact that there is not much meat on the bones.

all around i think angel dust is kinda middling. he has a decent enough romance with husk, he has a decent enough story line that revolves around battling addiction and removing yourself from an abuser (which the story tries to brand as "Redemption???")

I dont like that most of his jokes would qualify as sexual harassment, i don't mind him being sexual as a character but continuing on when clearly someone doesn't like the jokes hurts the character.

not a critique but he is pink, which honestly ill fucking take at point, as long as its not more fucking red.

i think his design is an improvement over some of the old vivzie designs but it feels like it could have done with going a few more rounds of design changes.

same thing with alastor, charlie and vaggie, there is not enough of the animal that they are supposed to be. You could have told me angel dust was a fucking bee or something and i would have had to believe you. nothing about angel dust initially says spider, hell he dosent even have enough limps to be a fucking spider.

17. Carmilla carmine

are... are you supposed to be a rabbit...?

Big Yoai Hands

ballet fighting style, could have been cool, wish she fought more like sanji or chun li.

A single mom that works to hard, who loves her kids and never stops-

her song was decent, not great, decent. it feels as though the actress has experience singing but not in the way they tried to make her sing during her two songs. they have a obvious mexican influence, honestly just let her sing in spanish in the english dub. go listen to the spanish dub, "out for love" sounds great in spanish.

i wish i had more thoughts on them, fucking rip.

18. cherri bomb

that's not a punk aesthetic that's 2010s alt

decent character, they showed up once or twice i guess, no real thoughts.

19. egg boiz

absolutely perfect, i have not notes on them, these are perfect creatures.

20. Emily

im so fucking happy to see a singular blue character

does the naive dreamer bit better then charlie

We really shouldnt have seen her until the end of season two or middle of three.

good contrast with the other angels on screen.

Wait she is supposed to be black??? Where???

21. Husk

keith david you absolute delight, Why on gods green earth did they only give you one singing part?

one of the few charecters where its clear husk is a cat, i do like the kinda... marquee design, he is a magic cat, thats neat. i still think you can toss the wings and eyebrows and still have just as good of a charecter.

has a deeply intresting story of someone who died as a nobody, became the fat cat of hell and then was forced back to the bottom by their own vices, not used at fucking all.

huge potential, little pay off.

22. lillith

I know nothing about her except she ditched her kid and husband to vacation in heaven and i think thats kinda funny.

alot of werid things floating around her, again she shouldnt have been shown in the show at all until next season.

23. lucifer morningstar

no notes, funniest charecter, did a song based on friend like me.

few notes: i do like the idea that the immortal symbol of pride is a constant emotional wreckage constantly seeking approval through grand showmanship and manic energy that threatens to take over anything they touch.

would have liked more snake stuff on him, maybe some more goat things like horns.

that is such a stupid fucking staff lmao.

24. Adam.

alex brightman you absolute fucking delight, you should have had more songs.

I wish his design was more focused on the idea of him being a glam rock wash up

I fucking hate his mask

We shouldn't have met him until the end of the season.

25. Niffty

again she is supposed to be a bug or cockroach but nothing about her points to that.

token straight

keeps rocketing back and fourth between sexulization and infantilization

you had kimiko glenn but didnt give her a single fucking song?

26. Sir Pentious

the secret season one redeemed.

the pilot version of him felt more like someone that could do a season one redemption arc, a megalomaniac constantly attempting territory grabs, there is something you can work with, actual character flaws to work through.

essentially a child after the first episode.

actually a snake which i appreciate.

no where near steampunky enough.

27. the villians of the show dont make much sense, each one feels like they should be season long deals on their own instead of a bunch of team rocket esque idiots that show up on occasion, do a bad thing and then leave.

28. Valentino

gOD THERE IS SO MUCH RED

only a moth some of the time.

sucks as a villain, maybe they need more screen time to show why they suck in a more substantial way aside from being told that he sucks.

it is interesting that angel dust is only under his magical control when in the studio, it shows that angel dust has to make a conscious choice to return, which in turn can be made to show how abusers can draw back their victims. I do not think it was done well in this circumstance as it shows him to be cartoonishly evil, constantly flying back and fourth between sweet and utter psycho, there is no actual reason for angel dust to ever actually go back to the studio, he just does so every so often.

29. Vox

legit who cares? the only thing about him that is in any way substantial is all the dope ass fan art we get.

propaganda machine angle that is not explored at all, just hinted at. no actual barring on the story whatsoever.

why didn't he try to do the same shit as alastor by the way? he knows its bad if alastor gets in good with charlie so shouldn't it be a ass kissing race?

same body shape as literally every other male character.

tumblr sexy man version of pyrocynicals fursona.

30. Valvette

the actual poster child of the shows huge problem of "Show me, don't tell me".

apparently the glue that holds the villains together. never shown.

apparently the one that makes the love potions that valentino is famous for. had to learn about that in the fuckin wiki trivias

we know so much about her from things outside of the show.

was there to call carmilla a coward, that's her plot contribution. she shows up every now and again but its never anything substantial and serves to more around take up run time for people We Don't Need To Know Yet.

im not trying to be mean, animation is animation, we need smaller studios to have success in the industry so that other indie studios can have that success, felling a tree makes it easier for others to follow. showing that its possible to number brain rot exacs helps all animators.

but this show has so much bullshit attached to it, it has so much fucking potential that it fries my brain with unyielding frustration.

this took a bit to write, im tired, thanks for reading.

[lila-went-missing]

Hiii, saw you wanted some requests for Sevika and I've had this idea bubbling up for a while. Imagine Vika with a reader that's normally experienced, yk has fucked one or two people before and it's not a sex god, and they're growing insecure about sevika never starting intimacy even after months of dating, so they think it's because they're not as good as the girl's she's been with before. Idk just thought that'd be good

I'm kind of obsessed with this, ngl. This isn't the first smut that I've written but it is the first smut that I've posted on here so feedback is always appreciated. Y'all will never guess... it's not proofread. Again. Enjoy my lovelies! X

Warnings: Smut (obviously), mild angst but nothing too horrible, mentions of body image issues but readers body type isn't specified or described.

Fem reader, of course, with female genitalia.

At first, you didn't think anything of it. She probably just wanted to take things slow with you. You weren't as experienced as her so she probably wanted to take her time.

That made sense for a while.

But now, after eight months together, you haven't had sex once. More importantly, she hasn't initiated it.

Realistically, you know that it's fine. There's plenty of reasons as to why nothing has happened so far. But that voice in the back of your head is doing a fantastic job of convincing you otherwise.

Sevika was kind of a sex symbol before you two got together.

She'd been with countless women, she was a regular at Babbettes. Her name was uttered on the streets like a sacred prayer.

You, on the other hand, have only been with two people: your ex, and a drunken one night stand that was less than satisfactory. So you did have sexual experience, but not nearly as much as her.

Honestly, it's starting to worry you.

Did she not like you? Was she not physically attracted to you? Was there something wrong with your body? Were you not showing enough skin?

Thoughts plagued your mind night and day. You were stuck in constant turmoil. It was impossible to stop your own brain once it got going.

It was taking everything in you to focus on the stove and not burn dinner.

You flinch at the sound of the door closing. Heavy footsteps sound through the house, approaching the kitchen.

Sevikas thick arms wrap around your midsection, her face making home in the side of your neck. For a long time, she doesn't say anything. The only sounds come from the meat sizzling in your pan. Moments like this make it easier to not think about the painful lack of aw sex life between you two.

Her lips purse, pressing small kisses against your skin. She hums against your neck.

"What are you cooking doll?" Her voice is muffled against your flesh but you understand her all the same.

"Spaghetti." You feel her smile.

"My favorite.." She mumbles. You hum a small "Mhm" before focusing back on the seasoned beef and water you're waiting for to boil. Her arms tighten ever so slightly, one hand slipping under your shirt. Her thumb caresses your bare skin.

It should be sweet but it really just drives the nail into the coffin for you.

Your voice comes out before you can stop it.

"Why won't you have sex with me?" You regret it the moment it leaves your mouth.

"I- woah, what? Doll what do you mean?" She honestly sounds baffled.

"Forget I said anything, please. It doesn't matter."

Her hands gently grab your shoulders, turning you around.

"No way. What are you talking about?"

You shake your head. "It's stupid.."

"It's not stupid if it's bothering you." She reassures you.

"It's just, we've been together for eight months, and we practically live together. But we haven't done anything. I know you don't have an issue having sex because half the undercity talks about how good you are and I just don't understand. Is there something wrong with me? Am I not appealing to yo-" Your rant is cut off by her lips. Her hands are holding you like glass, one on your cheek, one curled around your hip.

"There is nothing wrong with you." Her voice comes out as a soft whisper. "I'm sorry I made you feel like there was. I just knew that you don't have as much experience as I do. I didn't want you to feel rushed, or forced."

"Rushed? No, you could never.. I thought you just didn't want me that way." She immediately shakes her head. She kisses you again, more urgently this time.

Her hands grab anywhere they can, pulling you in. They're on your hips, waist, groping your ass.

"I do want you." Then they're picking you up and lifting you on the counter. "Let me show you how much I want you?" All you can do is nod as her lips trail down your neck. Her touch dances over your body, removing your top.

Her mouth follows soon after, sucking dark bruises into the skin on your neck and chest. She takes a nipple in her mouth and swirls her tongue around it. A low whimper leaves your mouth at the new, but not unpleasant, sensation.

Her right hand copies her tongue's motions on the other, pinching and pulling. Your body trembles against the counter with need.

She moves away from your breasts, kissing and licking down your stomach to your navel. Her hands unbutton your pants. She looks up at you as she lowers herself to her knees, silently asking for permission. You nod your head. You don't trust your voice. Your pants are off in seconds and thrown somewhere in the kitchen that you'll worry about later.

Her hand splays across your stomach and gently pushes you to lay against the tile. It's cold against your bare and burning skin, your back arching off of it but she keeps your hips pinned down.

You gasp as her teeth nip at the skin of your thigh. A breathy laugh leaves her.

"Shut up.." You mutter.

"Didn't say anything."

Your eyes roll in fake annoyance but you don't get the chance to reply as the cold air hits your bare cunt. Her thumbs pull your lips apart, admiring the sight before her.

"Fuck doll, you're so wet. All of this for me?" Her voice is husky between your legs and it stirs something delicious in your belly.

"Yes, all for you Sev.." She chuckles. Her teeth take the hem of your panties and drag them down your legs. She kisses your hips and navel, sucking hickies and marking you as hers.

"Please, Vika. Need you.." You whine. You can't bring yourself to care about how desperate you sound. You're sure that you look even more so from her position.

It seems, though, that your prayers have been answered because as soon as the words leave your mouth hers is back on you. This time it's between your legs.

She licks a long stripe up your pussy before stopping to suck your clit into her mouth. A loud moan reverberates from your chest as you lean your head back into the counter. Her tongue kitten licks at the bud before suckling on it like shes trying to nurse herself.

You've had people eat you out before but never this well. You don't think it could get better than this.

She moves down, opting to fuck you with her tongue instead. You definitely understand the appeal now. You've given yourself plenty of orgasms but this is the fastest one has risen before.

She feels it in the way you clench around her tongue and moves back to your clit. Her fingers fill up the now empty space, fucking into you in a gently but rough way only she could manage.

She's eating you like a woman starved and with the lack of sex the two of you have had she may as well be. If you didn't know better you might think this is her last meal.

Gasps and whimpers leave your mouth in a desperate way you can't stop.

"Fuck Sev.. ngh~ m'gonna cum, please.."

She smirks against you once more, speeding up her ministrations.

"Come on my tongue baby, make a mess on me." Her voice is muffled against you cunt, vibrations travel through your clit with her words.

You last maybe thirty seconds longer, hand tangled in her hair, before releasing over her tongue.

She laps you up, milking you for all that you're worth. She's never tasted anything more delicious. Her mouth doesn't let up until your whimpering from the overstimulation and pushing her head away.

She looks you in the eye as she sucks her fingers clean before kissing back up your body. Her lips lock onto yours and you can still taste yourself on her tongue. It makes your head spin in a way you've never felt before.

When you come back to earth, her hand is running through your hair.

"I'm sorry I made you believe that I didn't want to do that." She mumbles. "But now I may need it to be a daily thing." You giggle at her words.

"It's okay. I wouldn't mind honestly." She helps you sit up, a large hand cupping your cheek. "You didn't get to cum.." You whisper as you lean in closer.

"Don't worry about me, I'll get my fill later." The look on her face tells you that this isn't over. "I'm going to change out of these clothes. You just worry about dinner okay?" She slips your panties back on along with your shirt.

You nod, sliding off the counter. You wince at the mess you made but she's already wiping it up. Her lips meet your temple as she mutters a low, "I love you."

"I love you more." She shakes her head, chuckling before walking back to her room. You feel much better now, and you really can't wait for what she meant by "later".

[moolah-moolah]

I'll be Here, Don't Worry! | Saiky

♡ Paring: Saiky x Nyon

CW(s): Panic attacks, slight angst (I think), Nyon being insecure, coarse language

Author's Note: I've used the words "Northern Lights" so many times in this fic it's actually insane. That panic attack scene was not written very good and I think some things could be changed but whatever. Also this was requested by @mitnnvy so I hope she likes it!♡ (art by her as well)

Nyon and Saiky loved each other. Of course they did! Despite only dating for about 7 weeks now, Nyon felt so cozy around her and Saiky felt the same. The day was cold, it was one of those days in Canada currently. Though the Russian man was use to it by now.

Saiky and him were just chilling in his and Nyen's shared room. He was glad that his roommate wasn't here currently, most likely Nyen would've kicked him out but that wasn't important right now. Saiky was currently flipping through the pages of one of those magazines geared towards girls and young women alike, she seemed really invested in whatever she was looking at. So was it wrong that Nyon just had to sneak a peek?

Saiky was currently answering away at a quiz in the magazine. Something about boyfriends and if you have good taste in men. Nyon sighed, he was about to go back to reading his Russian literature... until he spotted the next question.

"Can your boyfriend keep up with the energy you bring?"

Saiky seemed to have to think about it for a second before scribbling in the sometimes box. Nyon quirked up a brow. I mean sure he's not like a social butterfly like she is but if it really came down to it, he could manage and probably still have enough battery to do whatever she can. But whatever.

Saiky answered a few more questions that Nyon didn't fully pay attention to because he was too antsy to see what the result was... suffice to say, he wasn't pleased.

Why did it ended up saying "You have lack luster taste!" Nyon thought he was alright, though he had to admit that sometimes, he felt he didn't deserve to be with her. But bleh, just thoughts I guess. Nyon laid back on his pillow and stared up at the ceiling. His book was still firmly in his grasp but he wasn't interested in reading anymore. God what kind of boyfriend was he? A bad one? He tried to be alright.

Suddenly he felt a soft weight on his chest, he glanced down and noticed Saiky's head on his chest. The magazine now discarded elsewhere.

"Auuhhh, I'm bored now..." Saiky whined. Nyons ears perked up at this. Well, maybe this was the moment to change it all. Nyon fidgeted with his fingers a but before he spoke up.

"You want to do something...?" Nyon muttered. Saiky quirked up a brow.

"I mean, sure! But what's there to do anyway?... It's kinda cold right now." Saiky mused, causing the man to fumble a bit in a haste to come up with something from the top of his head.

"There's a cafe that just opened, or maybe ice skating... or maybe, a walk?..." The Russian muttered. Saiky smiled and nodded.

"Okay!" The girl then hopped off him and his bed. Before he left though, he turned to Nyon and winked playfully. "It's a daaatttteee~" With that, she left the room. Nyon could tell she was happy with this impromptu date so he had to admit, he was a little excited as well. Even though he wasn't really planning on leaving the house today.

After everything was said and done and both of them were dressed up for the occasion and season, it was off to the place! They conversed while walking to the cafe. It was small simple things but this made Nyon really happy. He liked when his girlfriend went on and on about things. He'd nod and occasionally add something but he preferred to listen.

And that's basically where things started to go downhill, and very fast. First just some minor inconvenience, like Nyon slipped on some ice. Okay whatever. Then when they got there, he spilled coffee on himself... fine, he could deal with it. Since he didn't have spare clothes on him they had to buy some more. He kept getting bothered by a employee that seemed a little too keen on helping, overall making shopping more stressful than it needed to be.

It honestly felt like a montage of non stop unfortunate events for him. All of them simultaneously chipping away at his energy and general patience. His mind and body were begging him to go home but he refused to listen he wanted to make sure Saiky was having a good time! Though it was becoming more obvious that he was starting lag a bit and his movements were a tad bit more sluggish than before, almost like he was super high. He wished he was super high right now.

They were just walking and due to the days events, Nyon desperately wanted to go home. But he couldn't. Not when the day has been so terrible. So he'd suck it up for a little longer, they at least need to see the Northern Lights. The one thing that hasn't gone bad yet today. His steps were fast and stiff, it seemed he was more clingy right now. Maybe it was nerves?

However ssuddenly, someone bumped into Nyon. It was small so nothing to worry about. Nyon didn't say anything and tried to keep walking but the man stopped him.

"Ey! What the hell is wrong with you ya dumb fuck! You bump into someone and don't apologize!" Nyon stopped abruptly, he felt his jaw tightening a bit.

"Oh um, s-" the man zoomed to him and roughly grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. This action really confused him. Why was he so mad? It was just a simple mundane mistake. As the man kept yelling at Nyon, he could feel his heart race a bit. He wasn't scared but so much of his social battery already went down the drain from the day, he'd probably cry.

Saiky took note of how Nyon seemed to grip the hem of his coat and how uncomfortable and out of it he seemed. Saiky quickly stepped in.

"Hey sir, this is all a misunderstanding. If you're upset we apologize but please, we have to be somewhere." Saiky tried to be as polite as possible given the situation but with how the man was acting towards her boyfriend, it made it really hard for her not to rip his head off. This made the man snarl at her.

"Listen here you bi-" Without really intending to, Nyon felt his hand roughly squeezing the man's shoulder. He could probably break it or something.

"I think you should go now. We had a long day and... yeah... leave." Nyon murmured. This finally made the man stop. The man scoffed and turned on his heel before he left without another issue. Nyon's body relaxed tenfold, or maybe it turned into mush? That's what he felt like after all. He let out a big sigh, his knees felt like noodles. He did not like having to do that.

But he supposed it was worth it. Saiky seemed really happy that he did that but she could see how this took a toll on him. Saiky asked if he just wantsd to go home right now but Nyon vehemently refused and insisted he could keep going.

The snow hasn't been too much of a hindrance so far but it was picking up. Maybe a snowstorm was cooking up? However, they persist. The eventually got to the place where they'd view this scene together. But to Nyon's dismay, it was quickly starting to fill up with tourists and locals alike. Oh lord...

It was becoming harder to walk but she seemed really excited. He had to! For her sake at least. He was thankful that he had gloves on because he didn't want Saiky to feel how sweaty his hands were getting.

He didn't want to be here anymore. God, he just wanted to curl up and die! They walked, getting closer to the viewing sight but eventually something just snapped it him. He couldn't keep going. As much as he hated to admit it, he pushed himself a lot today and just wanted to go home. Why was he like this...?

They were so close too! It was right there! But Nyon suddenly stopped and halted any advance forward. His once firm grip become almost unbearably tight.

"Nn.. No no stop..!" Though it was a particularly snowy night and not much could be heard through the blizzard wrecking havoc on the people, she heard and stopped just as soon. Saiky turned around, a little confused by his sudden plea but also worried. He didn't tend to speak much, but when he did it was bound to be worth hearing out.

When Saiky's eyes met his, Nyon looked almost defeated. No, that wasn't the right words. Overwhelmed? Anxious? Who knows?! Maybe a mixture of more. But that look in is eyes said it all. Nyon let go he backs away a bit, he crouches down on the snow and holds his hat tightly. He looks like he's trying to take deep breaths in but the snow constantly hitting his face is making it literally impossible.

"О боже, слишком много... что.. где я..?" He whispered into the snow. Only the catman and nothing else could hear the words he spoke. For someone so tall, he looked so tiny curled up like that. People trudged past them, almost kicking them as they went. Saiky almost bit their heads off, but that could wait. Her boyfriend needed her.

However the constant rush of people coming in to see the Northern Lights weren't helping ease the current condition he was facing. She knew she had better act fast, so she did. She approached him and put her hands on his face, she turns his head to her. She wasn't exactly experienced in this sort if thing, but she'd try. Especially for him!

"Nyon, close your eyes and take deep breaths. Don't focus on anything else but yourself, okay? Just very deep breaths." Though this wasn't a perfect solution to Nyon's panic attack, deep breaths do help. Nyon shut his eyes and did as instructed. In and out, each breath felt almost painful but it was most likely due to the biting winds they were facing. "Yes, like that..! Do a few more..! Nyon kept breathing and his rapid heartbeat and shaking settled down somewhat, at least enough where he didn't curl up and possibly disappear anymore.

She then helped him up and they started walking away from the growing crowd. This was gett getting ridiculous. After they were far enough from all that, they just kept walking on. They soon came to the Ivory house but by the looks of it, everyone was probably asleep already. Nyon didn't look particularly thrilled to go inside yet, like usual so instead they opted to just chill on the roof. She flew up a bit but then realized she probably had to help Nyon up too so, she grabbed onto him and managed to fly him up to. It was a little difficult though to be honest.

Once up there, they just sat in silence. The snow outside was starting to fall at a more leisurely pace and the moon was brighter than ever now. She thought they'd just stay silent forever until Nyon spoke up.

"I don't know what's wrong with me," The Russian man looked into the snowy night as he continued. "I don't mind people but, I think I don't... I don't know, it can get overwhelming. People are overwhelming." Nyon sighed. "I don't think you'd want a partner like that. You'd want some as... good as you. Someone that could handle themselves." Nyon kept his gaze from hers. Was he ashamed? In her opinion she had so much fun today. It was a special day, they both should enjoy it! Meanwhile his hand was rested on the roof tiles. It was just itching to be held!

Thankfully, Saiky would scratch that itch. She took his larger hand in hers and he turned his gaze at her in slight surprise and maybe flusteredness.

"Hey.. don't say those things. You're always fun to be around and not to mention, absolutely handsome!~" Saiky cooed, making the catman blush slightly. "Besides, I get it. A lot of things can get overwhelming and all you can really do is go on and do what you can. Nothing is ever that easy though, I wish it was. Like poof! Anxiety doesn't exist anymore. Yippe!... but y'know." Nyon nods. But just as things seemed to be going right, Nyon's expression quickly turned downcast. Like he just remembered something that completely ruined his mood.

"No, I.. I'm sorry Saiky. Really." Saiky in response, tilted her head in confusion.

"For what? I had a blast today!" To emphasize her point, Saiky made a show of her arms and almost fell back on the roof but caught herself. Then her gaze softens and she giggles, leaning on him a bit. She gingerly wrapped her arms on his and nuzzled into him a little. "You've got nothing to be sorry for. I love you and today was fun!~... Let's just be happy that we didn't get trampled by all those tourists all dying to see the Northern Lights."

"But, you wanted to see them... did you not?" he said with his thick Russian accent. In response the batgirl looked up at him and shrugged.

"Oh, who cares? I'm just happy I got to spend today with with person I love. If today wasn't the day, we can always try again next year and if not, the year after that. They'll come back, so no worries." Saiky added sweetly. Nyon opened his mouth to speak but closed it just as fast. What was he gonna say anyways?

So he kept silent and they just enjoyed each other's company. They stared at each other for awhile until suddenly... Nyon started glowing? No. Light was being reflected on HIM!! She zipped her head to the night sky above them and wouldn't you know? The Northern Lights were shining above them! Brighter than ever before. Saiky squealed and hastily turned him so he could see what she was seeing.

"Nyon Nyon! Look!" she pointed up towards the sky and all the while had a beaming smile etched on her face. The sight actually warmed Nyon's heart a bit. She seemed so happy right now. "It's the Northern Lights!" Nyon nods, unconsciously pressing himself closer to her as all the tension from before begins to slowly drip out of his body.

"See? Everything went according to the plan. I think we had more fun today actually!~" she mused. Nyon softly chuckled and without really thinking, he gently placed a hand on her cheek and looked deeply into her eyes. The strong eye contact made her a little nervous but she stared back. Strangely though, it was all kind of really romantic. I mean, it's dark out, the Northern Lights are shining brightly on them, and they're together.

Maybe today didn't go exactly how it was intended to. But who cares? In the end, everything turned out okay and in her book, that's all that matters. Nyon's lips stiffened into a tight line, as if he was contemplating something. But then his lips relaxed and he slowly leaned in. Saiky seemed to catch on as she mischievously grined and beat him to it. Their lips met in a tender and warm embrace, eyes closed and everything.

They probably would've stayed like that forever but Nyon pulled away, all red in the face and everything. That was bold on him I guess? But Saiky smiled and rested her head on his shoulder as the continued to watch the lights in the sky.

This was a sweet moment and definitely a date worth remembering.

[fox-bright]

Posts on Reddit, Bluesky, FB, multiple small forums and the individual warnings of people I trust: "So...in, like. Six months, max? There are going to be food troubles in the US. The zerg rush of tariffs, assaults on the people who harvest all our agricultural product, climate change bringing drought, flood, and a 'fire season' that lasts all year all combine into a Voltron of food insecurity suck, and it's bearing down on your neighborhood."

Me: *Sigh* "Okay. I guess I am growing sweet potatoes this year. And a lot more beans. I have to get the back beds in anyway. I can triple the squash, those'll keep well. Maybe parsnips? I'll grab a bunch of Japanese sweet potatoes from the Asian grocer tomorrow, and start them propagating slips in water."

The Grocer: possesses only a small selection of underwhelming and diseased-looking tubers

Me: "Fffffffuuuck. I am going to have to buy sweet potato slips? From where? Everybody only sells the orange ones. I hate orange sweet potatoes."

Sand Hill Preservation Center:

Sand Hill Preservation Center has the largest selection of sweet potato slips I have ever seen in my life. More than two hundred orange, gold, white, and purple sweet potato varieties.

This is in ADDITION to the startling number of varieties of heirloom seed they carry. And their measurements are generous; I bought some rare sunflowers from them last year, and the packet came stuffed so full that it broke.

The "downside" is that they operate on paper. While their catalog is up online at the link, you can only make an order by printing out their order form, filling it out with a pen, and sending it through the mail along with a check or money order made out to them. I'm pretty sure that this is to keep them from being overwhelmed with orders; 'cause if they had a web shop, EVERYONE would buy from them.

[ilooklikeaburntchickenugget]

helloo! idk if youre taking requests, but if you do i was thinking of revenge era gee with fem reader who is also a well know singer. like shes on tour and does some festival mcr is playing at and shes really mainstream so the guys dont have high expectations on her music but then they watch her play and they're like "fuck, she actually does know what shes doing" and somehow her and gee exchange numbers and start texting all day long bc theyre both on tour

idk if this makes any sense tbh.

i saw one picture of ts on the red tour that looks like if it was taken with a shitty flip phone and thought of this somehow

anyway, feel free to ignore this and have a good day :D

Title: Happily Ever Accident

A/N: Hey y'all I know it's been actually forever but I saw this in my inbox and thought it was cute so managed to somehow write this amidst midterms season. Idk how but it happened. It's also not thoroughly proof-read because tbh I'm tried and lazy right now. But here's some content for y'all for once. Also, side note, but as I was writing this I was visioning reader as a Sabrina Carpenter-esc figure. Just in the sense of popularity, stage presence, etc. Pairing: Gerard Way (circa mid-2005) x F!PopStar!Reader Word count: 7,978 words Warnings: Swearing, mentions of insecurity

Low expectations. The constant standard he had set for almost every single festival his band was expected to play.

It wasn’t that Gerard didn’t like other people’s music, or festivals for that matter, but considering the label had cornered them into a small handful of non-genre restrictive ones he was annoyed. The culture, the vibes, the people- this was not his place. Not his band’s place, for that matter.

But commercialism was the name of the game, he had learned that early on. He was lucky enough the label had allowed their last album to be artistically driven by him, from songs and lyrics to the artwork on the cover. But there is always a quid-pro-quo in the entertainment industry. And playing at a mainstream festival was apparently one of them.

They wouldn’t have agreed to this had their last music video not gone over budget by a significant amount, and now they were paying the price. On top of that the label had encouraged them to be in public, watch other bands play from the VIP tents. Gerard narrowly lost his shit after trying time and time again explain that they needed time to prep for their show, get in the proper mindset, and that would take all the morning into late afternoon when they were finally on. The label exec begged to differ, giving no ultimatum.

“Fucking hell, if we have to listen to another fucking basic pop artist I’m going to lose my mind.” Frank sighed walking through the festival grounds. The group was by no means blending in, as three security guards stood around them and they could easily hear and see people left and right gawking at them as if they were circus animals.

“Good fucking luck with that.” Ray replied. He was never the sarcastic type, if anything he was the most mature and level-headed. So when he had enough, everyone knew it was bad.

“We have one more.” Gerard too sighed, sticking his hands aggressively in his jean pockets. “Then we’re off the fucking hook.” The group took sighs of relief out of sync.

“Who is it?” Frank asked, seeming halfway curious.

“Uh-“ Gerard stopped, checking his phone to see what their manager had texted them. “Great. Y/F/N Y/L/N.”

“Fuck me.” Frank sighed. “My head is going to fucking explode. Listen, I like all music, but I cannot do this much commercial, manufactured pop.”

“I don’t know, her stuff doesn’t seem as bad as some of the others.” Mikey chimed in for the first time.

“How would you know? I’ve only heard her shit in Targets.” Frank speedily replied.

“Social media, I guess. Enough sound clips from her songs have blown up to make them pretty hard to miss.”

“I’m still keeping my expectations low.” Frank shrugged.

“It’s the last one, try to be somewhat positive.” Ray replied halfheartedly.

“We’re never going over budget on anything again.” Gerard quickly added, turning a corner to the next stage’s area. “I can’t fucking do this.”

She got nervous before shows. She was great at hiding it. But in the last few weeks every festival she was playing had crowds growing bigger and bigger. From what her manager had communicated to her approximately two minutes ago, she had the biggest recorded crowd so far for the second day.

Staring at herself in the mirror of the green room, she pushed every bad thought out of her mind. She even closed her eyes and imagined all the bad energy within her swooping out of her body in swirls of dust and being replaced with positive rays of sunshine. It might’ve been stupid, but it worked.

She opened her eyes, putting on her signature smile, looked herself up and down, reminded herself that she was incredibly sexy at the moment, and b-lined it for the door.

Anxiety be damned, her ambitions had gotten her this far and would get her further, she knew that much. She was happy at this point to be thrown into the group of “pop girlies” currently dominating the charts, because it meant she was catering to an already large fan base, and proving others wrong in their assumptions too.

Give a girl some platform boots, a tight outfit where the tops integrity around her chest was questionable, and a microphone- then you’ve got a pop star.

Gerard stood there amazed. He could not fucking believe it.

Three songs in and he was mesmerized. He wasn’t sure if he was more shocked with her or himself. He was trying to rack his brain for reasons to not like this, and blank answers came up time and time again.

To begin with, her songs were substantially above average for pop. They had creative instrumentals, catchy sounds, and her lyrics were truly the star of the show.

But then he took into account her as a person. She was quite attractive, sure. He had seen her enough online and in magazines to see at least that much, but he was sure most of the male population and a decent amount of the female population also saw that. But here, in this light, in that tight little outfit that showed off all the right things just enough to give a good idea, but still leave a good amount to the imagination, he was falling head over heels.

He was almost flustered with her perfection in his eyes, having to catch himself to make sure wasn’t staring like a dog at a bone. After all, there were enough people around to know him and take photos, which would lead to massive and weird speculation online that he simply didn’t want to deal with.

And her stage presence was empowering. She was confident, not selfish. She was sexy as much as she was innocent. She was clear in her intentions and messages, just as much when she left some ideas not fully complete to leave people longing and wondering.

Suddenly he understood all the teenage girls in the audience. She was fucking incredible.

“Told you.” Mikey said next to him with a smirk. It was hard for Gerard to look away from her, but he did. “Don’t always believe stereotypes man. You out of all people should know better.”

“That really wasn’t so bad after all.” Frank shrugged as the group walked back to their own green room, hidden in an array of tents set up on the edge of the festival grounds.

“Yeah, but standing in the heat for that long was exhausting.” Ray commented next, his hands stuffed deep in his pockets. He was always tense until they got all the equipment set up and knew everything was going to go right.

“I don’t know man, that last show kinda rocked.” Mikey responded. “Been trying to tell you guys that not all pop artists are that bad.”

“Well, a lot of them are.” Frank quickly rebutted. “However, you are right, that last one was incredible. I just thought having a girlfriend who obsesses over pop music had gotten to your head.” Mikey rolled his eyes.

Gerard was silent, partially because he didn’t really have anything to say, and partially because he was hanging on to the last show. He learned through years of art school and sketching under cubicle lights that some of the best art was clear as day yet still left you thinking. That was how he felt at the moment. Dwelling in the really astounding feeling he had.

She had single handedly proved a lot of his fallacies wrong. And he saw with his very eyes how she managed to go from half the crowd being into her to the master tools her voice and movement had that puppeteer the crowd like a pro. Who was he kidding though- she clearly was a pro.

Turning a corner he was so lost in his thoughts, his body in auto drive and his vision turned to the cement ground. He knew he needed to stop thinking soon, get in the right headspace for his own show- and then he bumped into something.

His body lost a bit of its control as his right arm collided with something a bit smaller than him. Suddenly he regained all his consciousness as his stabled his footing again, turning his body to see what it was.

And there, low and behold, in those damn platform boots and an oversized hoodie that went so far down her thighs it was a dress, was the very woman who had captured his mind just minutes ago. She was lingering within him, and now she was right here.

Fate works in strange ways.

“Shit, I’m so sorry-“ She began, regaining her own balance as she clearly took more of a hit than he did given that she was shorter and had boots that, despite looking like they weighed a ton, he doubted helped to ground her any more.

“No, that was my fault.” He quickly interrupted, growing embarrassed as she looked up and he realized he had managed to be rude to her in the last 30 seconds not once but twice. “I should’ve been looking out.”

“Me too.” She calmly replied with a small smile, handing this with so much grace and calmness compared to his internal panic.

This close she managed to look even better than on the screens. Photos and videos didn’t do her beauty justice. She looked almost like a doll- near perfect features, beautiful hair, and a smile that was so comforting and cute and graceful. Her makeup was almost as perfect as it was when she went on, but her mascara was ever so smeared around the corner of her eyes, her lipstick fading, and hell- his mind couldn’t help but wander to a place where he wondered what it would be like if he had put her in this state. And then he shut those thoughts up as quickly as they appeared, choosing instead to wonder how anyone could be more perfect.

“I um- I better get going and leave you guys to get to your show.” She quickly said, but froze up not even a moment later, her eyes growing wide with embarrassment of her own. “Shit that was weird wasn’t it? I don’t know you but- well I do, kinda, but like not personally. I mean knowing your music and band and-“ she stopped talking not knowing what to say, her body almost shrinking in a sense of even more embarrassment. “Fuck. I’m gonna shut up now.”

Gerard gave a chuckle and a smile of his own. He felt better now that both of them felt embarrassed.

“No, it’s okay.” He replied. “We’re just coming from your show, actually.” Somehow she froze even more. He could tell under that huge gray hoodie her muscles had tensed further.

“Oh, uh, I hope you enjoyed it.” She softly smiled, polite but seeming almost nervous. Why was he so bad about talking to women, especially pretty ones?

“It was phenomenal, actually.” He replied, nervous himself and instinctively rubbing the back of his neck with one of his hands. There was already a thin layer of sweat connecting back there from standing in the heat for so long. But he didn’t care about that nor how he would survive the heat on his stage later- all he cared about right now was not completely fucking up this interaction with the woman in front of him.

“Are you just saying that to be nice?” She asked with a pouty lip as she clearly questioned the integrity of his response. He rapidly shook his head.

“No, of course not. I don’t lie- ever. If anything I went into the show not knowing much- not in a bad way, I mean kinda in an ignorant way if I’m being honest, and you just- fuck, man, the way you controlled that crowd was so exciting and empowering. It truly was incredible.”

Her face looked like a damn puppy dog begging for a treat. If he weren’t human he would have definitely melted by that look. Big eyes and a genuine smile, her cheeks big and emphasizing her reaction.

“That’s really sweet, thank you so much.” She replied, yet again with grace that he wished he had in these moments. “I um- while I would love to talk more I need to take a shower. I feel so sticky and just- gross. But it was really nice talking to you. And thanks so much for watching me, I really appreciate the feedback.”

His heart broke just a bit.

“Yeah, of course.” He replied, and before he could think he blurted out. “You’re more than welcome to come to ours as well, I mean I’m sure you have the artist VIP tent access, but if you wanna get closer I can definitely arrange a barricade pass for you.”

Her eyes lit up and glowed in a way he wished he could see every single day.

“That’s amazing!” She replied. “Would it be selfish to ask for one more too? My best friend is here and she likes you guys too-“

“Consider it done.” He smiled as she smiled back. “I’ll have my manager send them over to your trailer.”

“Thank you, that’s very sweet of you.” She replied.

“It’s the least I can do. Returning the favor of watching your show and providing feedback.”

“Does that mean I need to take notes for yours and give them to you too?” She asked with a playful smile. Just now he noticed the water bottle in her hand with a straw as she took a sip and damn- he quickly erased all the dirty thoughts that rushed into his mind before it was too late.

“Only if you want to.” Where had this confidence in him come from? He didn’t even know. But right now it was working, and that was all that mattered. Yet again, his body thought before his mind as he said, “Give me your number and we can arrange a meetup. To, ya know, exchange notes and whatnot.”

She seemed flustered, but hid it well. However, the red blush growing on her cheeks and her face that froze yet again for a mere moment told him maybe she wasn’t all that good at this either. But hey, there was a learning opportunity for both of them, he supposed.

“Sure.” She said, as he grabbed his phone, handing it to her as she quickly typed it in.

Y/F/N Y/L/N it read on his screen, the line of numbers under it.

“It was nice meeting you, Y/F/N.” He smiled.

“You too-“ She said, but stopped herself. “I know your first name but I don’t want to say it before you do because that’s creepy.”

He let out a genuine laugh.

“Gerard.” He said.

“Gerard.” She replied. “I’ll see you later, Gerard.”

“So what you’re telling me is Gerard Way wants to fuck you?” Lacey asked her. But she supposed this is why people had best friends- to be both supportive, honest, and borderline crude all at the same time.

“I don’t know if he wants to fuck me-“

“He wants to ‘exchange notes’ on your shows? Code words for ‘come back to my trailer and let’s have sex’.” She said with confidence, sitting down and scrolling through her own phone as Y/F/N changed into a solid black hoodie and jeans to not make her presence obvious. Their show was not about her, and she hoped her presence wouldn’t make it about her.

“Well, I don’t just fuck guys. And I’ll be happy to tell him that if he tries. But he seemed very sweet, and all the interviews of him lean towards him being a very nice guy.” Y/F/N responded quickly, borderline defensive.

“Nice guys can have hookups too, ya know.” Lacey said. She wasn’t wrong, but Y/F/N swore this felt different.

“Regardless, that’s not happening with me.”

“Preach, sister.” Lacy said with a bit of pop in her voice. “If what you’re saying is true, it did sound like you have him wrapped around your finger.”

“We talked for like two minutes. I barely know him, he barely knows me.” Y/F/N rolled her eyes, expertly reapplying her lip gloss in a small mirror.

“Do you know that amount of men after your shows that would fall on their knees and beg for you?” Lacey asked, finally looking up from her phone to make eye contact in the mirror.

“Whatever.” Y/F/N sighed. “I’m just excited we have barricade to a My Chem show. How long have we been wanting to see them?”

“A solid year.” Lacey admitted, standing up to find her shoes. “I’m still not over Gerard Way wanting to fuck you, though.”

Y/F/N was sure rumors would be circulating by morning. As soon as she entered the VIP barricade area alongside Lacey, there was a sudden eruption of screams, and as she looked over a sea of phones were taking photos and videos of her. She gave a polite smile and wave before turning back around towards the stage, hoping as soon as the band got on the attention was going to divert away from her.

Damn her for thinking having a black hoodie on with the hood up would prevent this.

Within minutes though, as the lights on the stage went pitch black and screams from the entire crowd erupted she knew that finally she could just enjoy seeing a band she really liked play from right in front of her. Perks of being a pop star or whatever.

She had to admit that the in-person performance easily knocked any of the recorded ones she saw online out of the fucking park. And while Gerard Way had always been objectively attractive, and happened to be the skinny sad white boy that was her type for whatever reason, he looked really attractive in this light. Like a new skin of confidence took over him. Maybe it was the tight black skinny jeans or fake bullet proof vest with no shirt on under it that perfectly sculpted his lightly muscular arms- and damn the hands. Masculine hands were one of her weaknesses. And his very much fit into that category.

So did she have any notes after the show? No, actually. It was exactly what she had expected, but two fold. She was left amazed and energized as they walked off.

If he really wanted to compare notes with her he was going to be sorely disappointed in the lack of notes she had.

That night did not end with them sharing notes about the others show. Instead, it ended with them sitting on a grassy patch of the festival grounds when it emptied out talking about anything and everything. Gerard had quickly realized how multi-faceted of a person Y/F/N was. Every preconceived notion he had of her was torn down by her random knowledge about random things, her admissions to cringey teen phases she had, cute childhood stories, dichotomy of family and how difficult that could be to navigate.

She was fucking perfect inside and out. And he knew he couldn’t lose her.

In an assertive nature he decided to text her more through the next week. She was on tour in one town, and he was in another. But that didn’t matter. Every other day, or three days apart maximum, they would call from their hotel rooms, or from outside his bus, and talk. About everything. Their days, their histories. What they ate, what they did or didn’t like, who they saw, where they were next, what they wanted to do, asking the other about cool things to do in the city they were in for that day.

And finally, a little less than two weeks after they met, they had that talk.

“So what are we?” She asked over the phone, sitting on her bed and nervously picking at her brightly colored nails. She needed to know before she got too attached and her heart broken further down the line when she was way deeper in than she was now. Not that rejection now wouldn’t hurt- she was trying to save herself from more potential hurt later.

“Seeing each other?” He asked. “I mean, no pressure- we can always take it slower.“

“I would like for us to be ‘seeing each other’.” She replied with a smile growing on her face.

“Great, then we’re seeing each other.” He decided, she could hear the small smile in his own voice despite not seeing him.

“We have a four day break coming up.” He mentioned on a call. A few weeks had blown by, and things felt very normal between them given how abnormal their situation was.

“Okay.” She replied simply, wanting him to go on.

“I want to come see you, if that’s okay.”

“Okay.” She replied again, not hesitant- but a mixture of excited and logistically starting to play a mind puzzle about how this was going to work.

“Just okay?” He asked, now sounding more hesitant himself but equally as confused.

“No, I just mean- like, yes, please come, I really want to see you, but if people see us together again, I think it will kinda be obvious. I- it’s not that I don’t want to show you off, but I kinda like the direction we’re going in now. I don’t want public speculation or opinion to fuck that up.”

Even in a fucking baseball cap and sunglasses at her show, people would grow suspicious of that figure in the secluded family/friends area. They would equally as quickly figure out, judging by the firestorm online caused by her presence at their show the night they met, who it was. And then they would be official without actually saying anything. Just by being together.

She wouldn’t mind being official to the public, eventually. But she wanted more time to have just them to herself.

“I can stand off to the side behind the stage.” He offered.

“Your view is gonna suck.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

“Okay then.” She replied affirmatively.

“Okay?” He asked for clarification.

“Yes, okay.” She softly smiled with a giggle. “Come to the shows, I even have a hotel room booked one of the nights.”

“Oh fancy.” He replied with a chuckle. “Lookin’ forward to it.”

She shouldn’t have been nervous. He had seen her perform before.

Well once- the first time they met, and then twice on TV in the last few weeks since her career had managed to blow up even further. But this felt different. It was different.

She knew he could now have expectations of her. What if he didn’t like something, or got the ick from the way she danced or what if she fucked up? What if she tripped on stage for the first time or bumped into something or forgot a lyric or her voice went out-

“On in two.” She heard one of the stage techs say, peeking their head through her green room door. As if one queue, she heard a roar of screams from the direction of the stage, queueing that her little intro video had started. Despite still playing smaller venues, at least ones smaller than arenas, her label had actually been willing to put quite the production into her tour after realizing that her stage presence and personality was one of the things that charmed audiences so much.

She gave herself one final look over in the mirror. Her opening outfit was standard- a body con number decked out in black sequence with red accents and her infamous knee high boots that were plain leather, but that she had begun to notice were also being worn more commonly by fans to her shows. It was one of those trademark things that made her feel more like the pop star she was growing to be. At least the headlines called her that.

Taking her hands, she fluffed out her hair a bit more giving her light waves more volume, dropping them, closing her eyes, and reopening them in her stage persona.

She walked out of the door beginning her strut with the sense of confidence she only gained to this level when she knew she was going to be on stage. As she approached side stage, her bedazzled microphone with her initials on it in small rhinestones at the bottom was waiting for her with one of the stage assistance. She gave him a small smile and nod as a thank you, taking it delicately and wrapping her hand around it firmly.

Her in-ear monitored queued up with her sound guy, Jeremy, who gave her the 20 second warning. She allowed herself one final deep breath, realizing this was her time to shine. Even if he was here for the first time watching her as the guy she was seeing, and just generally in a new light, she recalled meeting him for the first time after a show, figuring if she could impress him once maybe she could do it again.

After all, the version of herself that managed to get his attention in the first place was the one who was about to step into the spotlight in a mere three seconds.

Sweaty, hot, tired, worn, happy. The best ways to describe how she felt almost every night coming off stage.

She felt great about this show. The crowds she was dealing with were getting better at each stop, she figured it was venues being sold out and her rapid growth as an artist that was to thank for their enthusiasm and their increased screaming of her own lyrics back to her.

But what made this show so special was seeing him in one of the boxes up and over from the crowd. He kept a low profile with a plain t-shirt and baseball cap, standing next to Lacey through the entire duration, but the occasional eye contact they made was what kept her going.

He was always at least smiling at her. If not he was beaming, or nodding, swaying to the music, and her favorite was when he was so focused on just her that she caught his lower lip being bitten, his eyes glued straight onto her. She knew she always had most if not all of the crowd in a trance- but tonight his attention was the one she really wanted.

She giggled at something her manager had said as they walked through the back hallways of the venue, sipping on her bottled water through a straw and trying to regain as much hydration and energy as possible. As the turned a corner toward the green room, she paused and gave a big toothy smile as she saw him at the end of the hallway.

There was Gerard, still in his relatively incognito outfit, and a full smile as their eyes met. As fast as she could manage to run in her boots, she made her way down the hall and collided with his torso, breaking out into a fit of giggles as he hugged her back.

“Did you like it?” She asked first, letting her chin fall on his chest as she looked up at him with big doe eyes hoping for a good answer.

“You fucking killed it.” He said affirmatively with a smile, leaning down to give her a quick kiss. “You’re absolutely insane out there. Such a natural- fuck, I wish I had half the confidence and ability you do when I’m on stage.”

“Oh stop it!” She playfully and lightly hit his shoulder as she backed away to walk back to her room with him. In the process he swiftly grabbed her hand in his, intertwining their fingers which made her smile even more. “Don’t give yourself any less credit- you’re a fucking beast on stage.” He leaned down and gave her a kiss on the head.

“But nothing like you.” He replied, holding the door open for her as they entered back in so she could change.

She quickly and stealthily changed into a shirt and sweatpants, sitting down to take her makeup off, or at least that’s what she would typically do. But as she sat and looked at herself in the vanity mirror, catching a glimpse of him in the back scrolling on his phone, she wasn’t so sure she felt all that confident with him in person without all of this on.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, catching her in a trance. Damn, why did he have to be so good on picking up these things?

“Nothing.” She said with a soft smile. His body language with a raised eyebrow implied he definitely did not believe that. “I just- should I take my makeup off?” She asked turning to him. He gave her an even more confused look.

“Is it what you normally do?” He asked and she nodded. “Then yeah, take your makeup off.” She didn’t move, still staring at him. “Baby, what’s wrong- actually?” She groaned.

“It’s so stupid.” She admitted, now looking away from him. “I just- I don’t want you to like, I don’t know, not like me without this on.”

He looked a bit shocked and confused at look, but it quickly melted into sympathy.

“Sweetheart, take your makeup off.” He requited with a sweet tone. “I promise you, I will not view you any differently without makeup on. That is such a minor thing. And I’m not with you for your looks- I mean, you are fucking gorgeous- but that’s with or without makeup.”

“Fine.” She replied, grabbing some of her cotton pads and makeup remover, then going to town on delicately running them over her skin and cleaning everything off.

Once she was done, only a few minutes later, she grabbed her bag and regular shoes, slipping them on and getting up to approach him where he leaned next to the door. As soon as she was a few inches from him, he delicately took her face in his hands.

“See, just as gorgeous as always.” He softly smiled, giving her a soft and passionate kiss. She offered a sheepish smile and a growing blush on her cheeks.

“Thank you.” She nervously replied. “We gotta go though- I’m fucking starving.”

“Holy shit.” She said, taking another forkful of pasta and placing it into her mouth. “This is so fucking good.”

“Mhm.” He nodded in agreement taking a bite of his own. It was nice to have some company to actually eat with, and not just pull out her laptop to watch a show or call her parents who were halfway across the country. Now, she had her boyfriend laid across the bed sideways in front of her as she sat criss cross at the head.

“You want a bite?” She asked. He looked at her skeptical for a moment before nodding, allowing her to grab another few pieces, giving them to him.

“Well, shit.” He sighed with a smile. “That is fucking amazing.” She nodded in agreement. There was a brief moment of silence that followed.

“I hate that we have to go back to being, like- normal.” She said. It was one of those thoughts that just spilled out without her even thinking.

“Hm?” He asked, looking up with his eyebrows furrowed.

“Ya know, like being apart for so long.” She said with a tight smile. “We’ve barely spent any time together in person but every time we do I want to spend more and more- and we can’t.” He sighed, putting his fork down in his container.

“I know, baby.” He softly said, taking his now free hand and placing it on her bare thigh, rubbing small circles into the skin with his thumb. “But it’s only another month- then we’re on break and I’ll come be with you as long as you want.”

“Gee, you should get a break.” She said with a serious face. “You need to go home and settle for a few weeks and be with your family and friends there who you haven’t seen in fucking forever.” He shrugged.

“I’ve had all the time in the world to make relationships with them- I want to continue to build ours, and if that means going on tour with you than so be it.” He replied with confidence.

“Even if we do that people will speculate and- we would have to go public.” She explained.

“Is that such a bad thing?”

“No, but,” She took a moment to think, making eye contact with him again as his eyes begged hers for answers. “I don’t want to keep you or us a secret. I would love to show and brag about my super cool, super talented, super hot boyfriend to the world, but I want to keep it private.” He smiled lightly and nodded.

“Then let’s do it.” He said, affirmatively. “We’ll take it at your pace. Whenever you’re ready, I’m ready.”

He had been on tour with her for a full week. And it was becoming unbearable how many things were circulating around.

It started at the first show he came to- a solid handful of people had noticed him and put a name to the face, despite his attempt to remain to himself. A small firestorm erupted online over the alleged rumors. The headlines abusing taboos and cliches of the “pop princess and rockstar” trope that made people go crazy.

Then he actually began coming on tour. She wasn’t sure she had been happier on any other leg of it, until he was there to watch every show, and take her out when she had breaks to his favorite spots in each city, and then end the night in her queen sized “suite” on the back of her bus if you could even call it that. She had even bought more storage bins for under the bed to make room for his things.

But people didn’t need to see all the stolen and sudden kissed, or hysterical fits of laughter, or constant touching that were soft reminders of the other. They didn’t need to know about all the photos they had taken of each other, or the memories made, or the lyrics and words that began filling her songbook as she wrote almost exclusively now about him. At least yet.

But on day nine of them being on her tour together, she couldn’t take the speculation anymore. She couldn’t ignore all the photos taken of him at her shows, or the videos that replayed her not-so-obvious smiles and slow hip movements while making direct eye contact with him. In all fairness, she wasn’t trying to hide it.

People could see moments and snippets of their love. But she wouldn’t let them see the whole thing.

“What d’you think?” She asked, the back of her head leaning against his shoulder as they both looked at her phone. It was a simple story draft for her Instagram of the two of them just a few nights ago walking into a gas station. Not the most romantic thing, but her makeup artist had managed to catch it at one of their stops late at night.

The lighting was perfect and almost vintage aesthetic, offering a slight blur to the photo. It was the two of them holding hands as they walked in, both with hoodies and sweatpants on. Only half her face was shown, brightly smiling up at him, and only the back of his head was shown as a mop of slightly messy slightly put-together black hair.

“I love it.” He said with a small smile, giving her a kiss on the top of the head. In the bottom corner she had just put a small black heart, meant to be a small clue.

“Okay,” She smiled. “I think I’m gonna post it.” She said, looking up at him. “You okay with this?”

“Of course.” He genuinely smiled back. “I don’t mind at all.”

Before she could second guess she hit the post button, immediately turning off her phone and throwing it to the edge of the bed.

“It’s done.” She said with big eyes and a giddy tone. “Like, we’ve confirmed.”

“Mhm,” He nodded with a small chuckle, “We have confirmed.” He leaned down to give her a soft kiss, not even a few seconds later his phone buzzed.

He reached over to grab it, smiling at the screen, and showing her.

I was wondering when you guys were gonna post something. Mikey had sent. It’s been fucking long enough.

She should’ve stopped staring after a few seconds, but she couldn’t help it. She rarely felt this confident in herself, but just as quickly as the adrenaline boost of self love hit her, the sobering of imperfections came knocking too.

Dressed in a long green strapless dress that was built to just fit her, she looked and felt like a Barbie. Her makeup team had really done quite an impressive and good number on her face, exemplifying all her good features perfectly, and covering up or minimizing the ones she didn’t like so much. Her hair hung in a low, sleek pony tail against her back, her nails for once long with extensions that would be removed for sure in the next two to three days.

“You’re absolutely perfect, ya know that?” She heard him, turning around to find her boyfriend with a big smile as one of his hands placed itself lightly on the small of her back. She softly smiled up at him, and he swore his heart skipped a beat and nearly sent him into cardiac arrest the way her big eyes stared right into his.

“Not necessarily, but thank you.” She responded in a small voice. She always got nervous before events- he learned that quickly after having to be on text and call standby as she repeated her own self-doubts while spiraling about things going wrong. No one would have ever known- her presence on carpets, stages, and everything in between was flawless.

And now here they stood for the first time together doing this. Him in a traditional and well-fit suit, her in the dress that would put anyone else wearing the color green to shame. He gave her one good look up and down (what was realistically the dozenth already), relishing in the fact that he was merely an accessory to her- and was blessed to be one at that.

There were already rumors circulating everywhere about the potential for them to show up together tonight. It was the ideal place to hard launch, and after dating for just over six months it finally felt like a good time to let the world see them together in all their glory. She was feeling more confident in him, and he was honestly just along for the ride- a very happy passenger too.

“How do we act?” She asked next, his hand still sat on her back as she leaned more into him so their bodies were no more than two inches apart.

“Like how we normally act.” He replied confidently. “I’m not sure anyone will be genuinely surprised- people have been expecting this.”

“When people set expectations about things they don’t know, it typically doesn’t work out the way they want.” She replied quickly.

He knew better than to ruin her hair or makeup, but at this moment he couldn’t see her for that, so he leaned in without hesitation and gave her a soft kiss as an attempt to calm her nerves.

“We’re not here to appease to anyone’s wants or expectations of us.” He explained in a tone just above a whisper, as if they weren’t the only two people in the room. “We’re here to be with each other- not to explain us.”

It was a relative blur, and she thanked the blinding lights of paparazzi that overtook her vision and senses as soon as they took a single step onto the carpet together. She had never heard the two of their names meshed together so many times in such a short period of time. It felt weird to hear them coming out together from other people’s mouths- but it also felt reaffirming.

His hand had initially snuck around her back, resting itself on the other side of her waist and pulling her close to him. The slight warmth from his body made her feel okay, an emotion she typically had to forcefully place at bay here but was tamed solely by him.

They gradually moved their way down at the instruction of the event staff, and narrowly at the last stop he leaned in to whisper to her, hiding his lips behind the back of her head to not let anyone get a chance to overhear what he was going to say.

“I think I have a new appreciation for my name when it’s next to yours.” He said with a small smile, pulling away and looking down at her.

She couldn’t help herself but to break out into a bigger smile, one that wasn’t posed for the cameras but more authentic. She usually hated her full smile, the cheekiness and roundness of her face making the pictures look unbearable to her, but in that moment it didn’t matter. She playfully nudged him a bit as he resumed his position with his arm around her waist, but this time she placed her hand on his chest, angling herself towards him.

He authentically smiled, not expecting it, and had to resist the urge running deep within him to kiss her. But no one here deserved to see that part of them- no one here deserved to know her like he did.

“New album stuff?” He asked, walking over to the living room with a “new” cup of coffee in his hands (this was his third refill in the last two hours). She nodded from where she sat on the floor, back against the bottom of the vintage arm chair she fell in love with and insisted on having to decorate their new place. Their place.

Gerard had always respected her boundaries with her music. She was being incredibly secretive about her upcoming project- despite it essentially being finished from what he had gathered- but he also knew incredibly well how labels worked. And despite both of them being in the industry, her upcoming album was expected to be gigantic. Both in the reception of it and in the work itself.

“They just began pressing all the vinyls.” She smiled up at him.

“When are you gonna see it?” He asked back, sitting down on the couch and leaning over the coffee table to grab his sketch book and pencils again.

“Hopefully within two weeks.” She shrugged. “That’s if everything goes right. Not that I think it won’t- there’s just… a lot.” He looked up for his eyes to meet her, giving her a sympathetic look and nod.

“Regardless of how it goes, you have worked your ass off for this.” He explained. “Critics will always say shit because they’re jaded and subjective. Most of them haven’t even made music. And your fans are gonna love anything you put out.” She softly smiled back.

“Thanks.” She said. “I can’t wait for you to hear it.”

“Don’t you have the entire record on your computer?” He asked, eyeing the laptop that sat in her lap. She rolled her eyes.

“It’s not that simple.” She replied, closing it and getting up. “Besides, I want it to be a surprise.” She finished, walking over to him and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“So are you flattered or what?” Their manager approached where he sat on the bus. He was so lost in the trance of finding the necklace that she had been dying to get for ages online as a surprise album release gift that he didn’t hear a thing.

“Hm?” He asked looking up at him.

“You’re the muse for the number one song on Billboard right now.” His manager replied with a small smile, arms crossed over each other.

“Right.” He awkwardly responded.

He was, indeed, the quite obvious muse for her first single, which happened to somehow skyrocket on the charts as soon as it released and within a few days was impossible not to hear. Whether it be radio, playlists, grocery stores, social media- the damn song was everywhere.

By no means was he upset, he just wasn’t expecting it. He was actively figuring out how to deal with the amount of empty and comical threats he got from fan accounts saying they were fully prepared to fight him if it meant even a shot at being with her. Also, while he had approved of the lyrics she had showed him (well, specifically the incredibly, borderline obvious, suggestive ones) it still made him feel a blush grow on his face when he heard them over and over again.

And the fucking cherry on top was the music video. At this point, he had seen her in many different ways, doing many different things (if you catch the drift) but as soon as he watched it he felt like he was falling for her all over again, ten-fold this time. It also made him begin to seriously question why the fuck you were with him, and simultaneously wonder if all the manifesting bull shit the merch girl was telling them about was something he should look into given that he needed some form of magic to get someone so out of his league.

“Good luck when the album drops, man.” His manager smiled, “Can’t wait to see all the teenage girls that want to band together and fight you.”

Gerard didn’t drink anymore and hadn’t for a while. But he did stare with a smile as she took a shot of tequila and her face immediately grew into a sour and twisted expression.

“Fuck that was worse than I remember.” She said through a small cough, grabbing the water by her and downing a chunk of it.

The low-key album release party was being held at their place. It was primarily close friends, the one producer she worked with on the record and her engineer, then the band as well as some of Gerard’s friends. Despite it being small, the place was buzzing under the dimmed lighting as there was consistently multiple conversations happening in the background, solid laughter mixed in too, and her album playing track by track in order softly in the background.

She sat on the floor, back against the couch, in a simple shirt and jeans, him right behind and next to her sat on the couch. She wasn’t drunk, but was definitely tipsy as she laid her head on his jean clad knee. He looked down at her with a smile, running a hand through her loose hair.

“I love you so much.” She smiled up at him. “Thank you for being such an incredible muse.”

He had been complimented plenty of times by critics, reporters, fans- but nothing even came remotely close to that comment.

“Baby, this is all you.” He insisted with a smile back. “We wouldn’t be here if you weren’t so damn incredible at everything you do.”

She sighed happily, closing her eyes for a moment.

“I’m so fucking glad you bumped into me.” She said. “I was so pissed at first and so tired and hot and sweaty- I thank the universe everyday for making that happen.”

“I do too, sweetheart.” He said, letting his smile melt into a sincere and content one. It only felt right. “I do too.”

[sketch-twentytwo]

I'm going to get some flack for this but—despite enjoying Fairly Odd Parents: A New Wish quite a lot, I find Timmy Turner was the more compelling protagonist.

Don't get me wrong, Hazel is a fantastic and lovable addition to the show, but I find a lot of her shenanigans aren't as fun or snappy as Timmy's.

I don't really see the reason why Hazel of all people needs fairies. Her brother is off at college but he visits and still clearly loves and cares about her. Her parents get busy from time to time but they're there when it matters and they also love her very much. Her mother is probably the busiest of the two, but she still makes time for her daughter.

The catalyst of the pilot is Hazel running away to see her brother because she wasn't handling the move right away, but very quickly after all this she is able to make friends and maintain an upbeat attitude.

I don't think Hazel needs to be soul crushingly miserable for the show to work, but maybe a spare line here or there about how Fairly World/Da Rules went through a MASSIVE overhaul after a certain, infamous, pink-hatted god-child shook things up could've been nice (Jorgen mentioning that the world has improved since Timmy was a kid, so the qualifications for misery have been loosened?).

It might be the childhood nostalgia talking, but I liked Timmy as a character. He was a ten year old boy who made wacky and wild decisions, whose character only got ruined from the show running too long. If Timmy had gotten the FOP:NW treatment, I think we could've had so much potential for character growth and continuity. (I've made the executive decision not to count seasons 9 and 10 as canon because everything up to that point felt OG!FOP to me).

I see posts saying that Timmy's problems were external while Hazel's are internal, but despite her supposed internal struggles, Hazel is very emotionally mature. Again, I don't think she needs to be MISERABLE and EXTREMELY insecure, but her life pre-fairies doesn't seem that different than her supposed life without. Even without Cosmo and Wanda, I'm sure she would've been able to befriend her classmates, eventually get through to Dev, and find happiness in her life.

I guess my fondness of Timmy is that his fairies were his family. Cosmo and Wanda were like his adopted parents. Poof/Peri was his brother. He had no one else. And I guess I wish I could've gotten a quality ending for him. I need closure! I wanna know how he's doing in FOP:NW. I want to see that he's happy and thriving (and maybe a reunion between him and his family).

Timmy, for all his childishness, selfishness, and pettiness, was a good kid at heart. He was ten years old for crying out loud! Ten year olds tend to be immature lil' kids. I excuse some of his wilder wishes. All he really wanted was acceptance and love and he cared for his Fairy God Parents so, so much. Cosmo and Wanda have a HALL OF TIMMY in their house, for crying out loud!

Hazel is a good protagonist and I'm glad she's in the show, but Timmy holds a special place in my heart. In my heart of hearts, the HALL OF TIMMY still exists somewhere in C+W's house/appartment and he will forever be their son.

[jeeyunspetrat]

hi sibyl! a friend of mine sent me your post earlier and if you don’t mind — i kind of want to pick your brain about one particular thing bc it’s a perspective that i hadn’t considered. 

i swear i do Not mean this from a buck woobie pov, but personally i didn’t read that last scene as buck understanding how much he matters to eddie, i read it as him understanding that their relationship (understandably) isn’t the priority right now, and realizing that he wants to do everything he can to help him get back to chris even if it means accepting that eddie needs to leave and that things will change between them from now on. sort of an ‘i love you, so i’m letting you go’ kind of thing a la s7 eddie, except he doesn’t think eddie is coming back and he feels like he needs to make peace with that. so i’m curious — what made you interpret buck’s sense of security differently? 

tbh if this was seasons 5-6 i think i definitely would’ve seen it same way as you, bc i was under the impression that the will scene really did make buck realize how important he is to the diazes, but the writing for them has been a little different since tim came back and my opinion has changed a bit. 

(if i read your post wrong, please let me know! i’m not discoursing at all here — i’m just interested in your perspective bc i enjoy reading your takes!)

— rae wellcollapse :)

i think I largely agree that the scene is mostly about Buck setting aside his abandonment issues and realizing what really matters to him is Eddie & Chris's happiness (even if that means they are Away from him).

I guess my perspective is that Buck, when he's actually thinking rationally, doesn't need to realize or understand that he matters to Eddie at this point. While I'm sure it would be welcome, he doesn't need Eddie's reassurance. They've been BEST friends for seven years and Eddie has told/shown him through words and actions and just being there for Buck numerous times. I guess I just struggle with the idea that after all this time Buck doesn't know or understand that he's important to Eddie when we haven't REALLY seen evidence of that--we've only seen evidence of his existing abandonment issues getting triggered and then Buck ultimately getting over that. We've also seen evidence that Buck considers Eddie a safe place (s6 and s8a), considers himself not a guest in his house (s3 and s8a again), knows that he's the FIRST PERSON Eddie calls in times of crisis (s5 and s7), knows that he's the person Eddie would want to raise Chris in the event of his death, knows that Eddie opens up to him and relies on him and goes along with his schemes and consistently reassures him and generally treats him like someone that matters to him very much.

I don't think that, at this point, Buck has a fundamental insecurity about their relationship as it stands. And while I guess this is just me reading into the situation a little, I feel like when he hears Eddie say "everything that matters is in Texas" while his triggered self takes that to mean I don't matter to him, the rational Buck already knows that Eddie doesn't really mean it given the seven years of their relationship that disproves it. And what was really impressive to me from a character growth standpoint was to see Buck recognize that he was simply feeling triggered and did not ACTUALLY believe that he doesn't matter to Eddie.

That said!!! I DO think that it's a separate question of whether Buck knows/believes that he means as much to Eddie as Eddie means him. And that's really the question that remains in part because Buck still needs to grapple with what Eddie means to him! So it's not a question that can even be asked until Buck actually understands the true depth of his feelings for Eddie (and, you know, if we're right, that those feelings are fundamentally NOT platonic). And at that point, yeah, I do think it's possible that he comes to the conclusion that no, he DOESN'T mean as much to Eddie as Eddie means to him. Which is the exact tension that needs to be laid on their relationship for the payoff of Eddie finally telling him that OF COURSE Buck means as much to him as Eddie means to Buck. and then they kiss or whatever!!!

And, you know, possibly I am wrong and Buck DOES still need that reassurance from Eddie...which I sense he will get in their actual goodbye scene. I hope that makes sense and genuinely thank you for the ask!!!! You know I deeply value your perspective and opinions 🫡

[catsvrsdogscatswin]

SO ABOUT NOCTURNE S2 EH

I kept notes as I watched through it with my sibling, so here are some thoughts, followed by the more spoilery thoughts below the cut:

*The fight scenes were gorgeous and very fluid. Richter's use of magic is inventive as fuck and slightly terrifying after seeing Sypha blast her way through Wallachia with largely straightforward lances of ice and fire.

*Deeply thankful that they managed to create a believable, nay, plausible excuse for why Erzebet Bathory is a Hungarian woman with Egyptian goddess blood. She's being used as a vessel by Drolta, Sekhmet's High Priestess, and Drolta picked Erzebet because after decades of failing amongst her own people she was like "This is definitely the most bloodthirsty human I can find. A perfect match ❤️" Like oh okay so there was a REASON Drolta was always more interesting than Erzebet. It's her story Erzebet's just telling it for her.

*Speaking of which, loved Drolta's human backstory. She was struggling so hard (and successfully!) against such harsh odds and you don't normally see that when a human faces up against a supernatural entity for the first time.

*Olrox and Mizrak projecting their relationship insecurities onto vampire Tera was definitely not what I had on my Nocturne S2 bingo card, and yet.

*Last season had me willing to be convinced that Annette and Richter would become a thing and this season had me slapping the table and going "SOLD!" like an old-timey bidding war.

*Richter struggled valiantly to make a difference, and Alucard was right alongside him in the trenches, but this season still mostly belonged to Annette. Sorry lads, better luck next time.

"We are not bitter creatures. I'm not bitter," Olrox tells Tera, bitterly, because he is bitter about being dumped. No but seriously, him insisting to her (basically a complete stranger) that vampires aren't animals with animalistic impulse control and it's just "Mmmmm-hm. Real quick, what were Mizrak's most recent words to you? 'An animal that's lost its soul'?" Like boy you ain't subtle.

Drolta's resurrection. No thoughts. Just a constant stream of MOMMY? SORRY. MOMMY? SORRY. MOMMY? SORRY.

"She's a vampire! She cannot love!" Mizrak you need to check your baggage at the door you can't just drag it into a conversation like that. 

RICHTER'S ABSOLUTE DEER IN HEADLIGHTS EXPRESSION WHEN ANNETTE GRABS HIS HAND. BOY FROZE.

Was not expecting that one chick that Erzebet munched on last season to be alive, never mind a vampire, but go her I guess.

Speaking of which, the wlws were winning this season. Drolta and the female National Guard captain, Erzebet sitting on a throne with women literally gathered at her feet… and Drolta and Erzebet/Sekhmet, of course, because their whole attack dog/master and "you are my most special loyal perfect wife minion" and Drolta's centuries of loyalty to Sekhmet are just *chef's kiss*

Also on that note, Erzebet angrily telling Tera that she would never be Drolta is very funny because. like. at no point did Tera want to replace Drolta. She literally never asked to do that, Erzebet.

I like Erzebet's human design a lot better than the vampire one tbh. Solely for the hairstyle choices. 

"I'm here to make you a god. If you're worthy." "Of course I'm worthy." NO HESITATION WHATSOEVER LMFAO THE ARROGANCE OF THE ARISTOCRACY

Okay damn I was not expecting Maria to kill her dad. And certainly not midway through the season. 

Mizrak's panicked glance to the side as Juste talks about chastity vows. Lol. 

Alucard stumbling out of the water wet and dripping after getting smacked into the Seine had me and my sibling sharing a single understanding nod because we Knew it was there to make the Alucard girlies go feral. Well done Castlevania team.

Also what I'm gathering from this season is that Olrox becomes a pathetic wet cat when he falls in love with someone. Like he has been dogging Mizrak's steps incessantly since the breakup. Literally every time he can get away with it he's haunting that man's shadow. Olrox is two seconds and a dead pseudo-Messiah away from leaving dead things at Mizrak's feet and pawing sadly at his window as he cries to be let in.

Like Olrox is so catastrophically in love and obviously unable to leave Mizrak's side that when he told Mizrak he's leaving to go back home my sibling and I instantly looked at each other and went "So that's a fucking lie."

FIRST COUPLE KISS INTERRUPTED BY A SUDDEN EPIPHANY RICHTER YOUR LUCK IS ABSOLUTE SHIT

Maria was such an adorable baby holy shit. And her smug little look when she snatched the apple from Richter too. 

Alucard only saying he's been in love "countless times" is a cowardly cop-out of an answer. We could have had a polycule acknowledgment! We could have meant something!

Annette's possession look is an absolute serve but really we should expect nothing else from her. Also love how intricately her religion was depicted even if I had no idea who the three-faced dude was.

Speaking of Erzebet's hair, the fact her final Sekhmet form has like an entire extra bodymass's worth of hair had me giggling. There's so much of it. We've gone past lion's mane and overshot into "electrocuted Persian." She is fluffye.

"Not the first time you've saved my life" ELABORATE ON THAT ALUCARD?!

Tera being shadowed by the entity that the Abbot dealt with in the ending scene hello yes I am Fear. Nice hook for another season, though.

[cryptomiracle]

what type of lover is sam winchester?

sam winchester x reader (fluff headcanons)

"Wait for the signal and I'll meet you after dark

Show me the places where the others gave you scars

Now this is an open-shut case

Guess I should've known from the look on your face

Every bait and switch was a work of art"

-willow by taylor swift

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WARNING(S)

I'm just on season 14 atm, but I took a break from watching it to focus on other things, so I apologize if his character is inaccurate.

gender neutral reader

this is my first time writing for supernatural, please be understanding of this

This is kinda short

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psychical touch

he's not very big on PDA, other than hand holding or a simple little peck on the cheek/hand every now and then.. but in private? this man cannot get enough.

If you're a night owl, he's the type to sit on the couch with his head laying on your lap at like 2 am, trying to fight off sleepiness just so he can be with you. when you two sleep together, he pulls you as close as humanly possible and sleeps with his face in the crook of your neck.

he's constantly showering you with kisses on your nose, on your mouth, on your cheeks, on your hand, you name it.

He's the type to kiss you goodbye, then pull you back into another kiss, and then another, and then another, until you have to psychically pull yourself away from him.

Sometimes when he gets spooked he'll involuntarily grab your hand.

Now don't get me wrong, he enjoys when you give him the same energy, he loves for you to comb your fingers through his hair, or when you wrap your arms around his arm when you two are walking around (it doesn't matter where you're going)

if you were to randomly walk up to him and hug him, he would literally melt into you, he would do all he could to prolong the hug as much as possible, just to stay in your embrace.

When you two are cuddling, he's a little spoon (I will die on this hill.)

love language

words of affirmation

This man is a poet when it comes to you, he will wake up in the morning and just start telling you the sweetest things you have ever heard.

he will quite literally have you swooning over him, and he means every bit of what he says.

Although I wouldn't call him an insecure person, you would have to return the favor, even if it's just little confirmation that you still love him.

He's constantly worried that his line of work would cause you to get hurt, or worse.. so you would have to remind him that you don't have any second thoughts, that you can take care of yourself and that you don't want to be with anyone else.

acts of service

He loves doing things for you, whether it's carrying your bags, or running you a bath.

he'll do things without you even having to ask.

if you show any interest in something in a store, consider it yours.

Quality time

hes fine with going out to a nice restaurant, but he's also okay with just having a homemade dinner with you. He's happy as long as he gets to spend time with you.

He's an okay cook. but he likes to cook with you, it's his favorite way to spend quality time with you

Sometimes though, he would rather go to a restaurant he enjoys seeing you get all dolled up, it makes his heart melt.

When y'all first started dating, he definitely had to ask dean for date ideas, but once y'all finally got fully secure in your relationship, he'd just ask you what you wanted to do.

He enjoys sitting at home and reading with you, or doing research on whatever case him and dean are working on at the moment.

He greatly appreciates if you help him with his research as well, if you were to find something before him, he'd compliment you and tell you how smart you were, & how much of a help you were to him.

He's just a little sweetie pie

(I love him so much YALL DON'T EVEN KNOWW)

fights

Honestly, fights with him aren't that bad.

He will let you vent out all of your emotions, but if he thinks you're being irrational he will let you know.

He does have a habit of storming into another room, or going quiet whenever he feels himself get genuinely angry, mainly because he doesn't wanna yell/blow up at you.

After he cools down, he will attempt to resolve whatever it was that caused the fight to begin with.

Oftentimes, he will try to avoid conflict with you all together.

I can just imagine the two of you fighting in front of dean and Castiel, and them just standing there like "🧍🏼‍♂️👀"

If it's a really bad fight, he'll need a little moment alone to settle down.

jealousy

imma give him a 4.5/10 on the jealousy scale.

He's secure enough in himself, and your relationship to where he doesn't feel jealous over little things.

but if somebody tests it, he will let it be known that you're his.

Like, if a cashier at a store were to flirt with you, despite him being right next to you he'll shoot them a confused yet humored look while sneaking his hand around your waist & pulling you closer.

what kind of lover is sam winchester?

overall, sam winchester is such a great lover his love is so bittersweet, kind, patient, and understanding. He's such a sweetheart ♡

[checcellate-truffels]

Bbb Gentar: a quick mental health check on bbb

When this fusion debuted I was put off by the entire thing-- new fusion, a combination that's not very interesting, arc, annoying fusion personality & the lack of kokotaim. The fact that almost half of the fandom disappeared after the underwhelming resolution of Windara Arc doesn't help either.

Now that the animation is here, I thought I'd give it a chance on this arc and enjoy the content as it is. It does looks promising.

I even bought the compilation comic in preparation haha yay Christmas season, fun. Seriously though, it's a good deal because apparently for this Gentar Arc compilation you get like 3 arcs (+ the ending of Windara + the beginning of Baraju) in one book.

Let's get down to a n a l y z e.

BBB Gentar is a fusion of GEmpa and HaliliNTAR. (The name combination these days ISTG..) Not to be that ajar guy but IT IS scientifically weird because of GROUNDING. Electrical current when passed down to Earth, it grounds. Yikes, baby boi haven't passed his wiring class lol.

So it makes absolute sense why he doesn't have THAT ESSENCE OF POWER like any other elements/fusion on the get go. But I'm not really going to get into deets on his power. I'm more attracted towards his personality.

So Gentar has this proud, eccentric, upbeat personality, over-confidence and underestimation. A trait that is often portrayed in gangster thug culture. Honestly this whacky combination would fit more Blaze + Solar in the picture. Which is why I don't get it at first because Hali is *like that*, Gempa is *like that* and so the personality fitting just BOOM doesn't make sense compared to all the other fusions.

But he is SPECIAL, I guess?

Is he really just proud being part of Halilintar?

I can see he has more ties to Gempa tho. The protective side, the ability to control things.

Or are they just trying to gimmicky link BBB up to his Mecha dad?

Not to mention, he's the only fusion that BBB gets from the get go of first episode. Of course he has the most screen time.

Here's where it delves deep. Beneath the proud facade, is a regular BBB struggling with PTSD. This fusion also has his own insecurities of having no--different capabilities in--power. BBB has no time to recover from Windara, and the next trauma is set to continue. Rooting back to shenanigans of friendship is a little breather for him. The roots of friendship here goes back to his friendship (or frenemieship) with Adu Du, Ochobot and even his friends. Back in OG season 1 through the manifestation of Gempa, it essentially roots down that he is willing to do everything at all cost to protect his friends. Which is pretty sweet isn't it?

You know in what way he is also similar to? The Water element. Both, under depression acts in what appears as a malfunctioning way. Notice how this zero to hero progression was also used during the og BBB Water appearance.

[iguessitsjustme]

I don't think any of y'all watch The Circle but I am absolutely DYING at the episodes that dropped today. And the only people I know that watch it are coworkers so I gotta wait until tomorrow to really talk about it but oh my god. I gotta say this or I will explode. Under the cut to spare y'all:

Mad, mad respect for Caress for making the right move and sacrificing herself. She knew where she stood and she truly went out in the best possible way. I hope she finds nothing but blessings in her life.

I think the way the show is being edited is indicating that Kyle is gonna win it. I hope he does. He has been nothing but loyal and honest to everyone (aside from the fact he's married but that's no problem because Liv isn't exactly honest either)

I HATE Jordan. First of all, get your shoes off the bed wtf. You sleep there. I also get that he's good for tv or whatever because he's brings the drama but that is literally not what anyone likes about the circle. We like the genuine connections that people build in there. We like when the show is wholesome. And he came in and just decided Myles sucked and was manipulating everyone? Because what? People liked him? When he was going around lying about everything? That boy still has insecurities he hasn't fully worked through and is projecting that onto Myles.

I will be so sad if QT goes because she is genuinely such a good player. She's kind but also realistic and she keeps it real with her people that they're playing a game. I'm glad she left that influencer chat with Jordan because she was right. If she blocked anyone he wanted to block, she would look like she can't be trusted. She would be the next one gone. Because Jordan would have been safe since he was the secret influencer, he had no issues gunning for her people. And trying to tell her that her strategy is bad because she doesn't want to break every alliance she has in one fell swoop? He's dumb.

I hope Liv gets rid of Jordan but the smart move would be blocking QT and I honestly think QT would respect her for it. I don't know if QT would throw shade at Liv being a catfish or not though. That is if they make Liv block face to face which is what they've always done in the past so I don't see why they would stop now.

I am happy to see Liv makes it to the finals. I've been up and down with Liv but I do like her and think she deserves to be in the finals. Or he deserves it I guess. Go Brandon.

I want Kyle to win. Out of everyone left, I want him to win. Myles is my favorite but I think Kyle winning would be the sweetest moment.

Jordan can kiss my ass.

I do want Lauren to make it to the finals. I wish she had been in any other season cause I think the AI twist hurt her a lot and she would have been able to build actual connections with actual people which is what I watch the show for.

No seriously. Jordan makes me so mad. All he had to do was literally none of what he did. Why did he come in so nasty? Has he seen the show? Those people never win. Never.

I do feel bad for Autumn and I think if she had come in earlier and had a chance to talk to Myles they could have been friends. I do not know why I think this but I think they would have been friends.

[my-mt-heart]

Thoughts on TBOC 204

This was supposed to be it. The episode we all celebrated. The one that would make the setbacks worth it and set the stage for the proper Caryl spinoff we've been waiting for since it was first announced in 2020. Not only did it NOT achieve any of that, it was one of the most painful "Caryl" episodes to get through, even more so for me than "Find Me" in the flagship show. That's saying something. I couldn't bring myself to watch 204 a second time (the first time was pirated I must point out again), and frankly, I think a second watch would only make me look for the benefit of the doubt somewhere, which this episode doesn't deserve. The below is my gut reaction...

The reunion itself was sweet. I loved Carol's choked sob and Daryl's long pause as he tried to figure out if she was real. I loved the running, the crying, and the face touching. It was the best display of who Caryl are as a couple/duo and who McReedus are as acting partners in the whole season. But it's a gimmick. A far less impactful nod to the Terminus reunion that plays out in a vacuum. It doesn't allow for any character growth and it doesn't last long enough for the already reduced impact to hold.

Isabelle's death stifles Caryl's reunion, the one thing that fans were dying to see. Zabel couldn't let them have the space they deserved because even he knows the most organic next step would be Caryl going canon. So he interrupts it as quickly as he can at the expense of another female character's and female actress' dignity, which unfortunately also colors the rest of Caryl's arc together. They can't even have an arc to themselves, nor experience any growth because they have to react to that death. Nothing about Daryl's behavior in the aftermath suggests that Daryl "loves" Isabelle the way Zabel and his mouthpieces characters want us to believe, but it still looms large. For Carol, it means that "her Daryl" found (and lost) somebody else, which is heartbreaking not only for her but for her fans who watched her literally go the distance for this man. Meanwhile, Daryl's mind is occupied with concerns and/or guilt over Laurent being in danger/having nobody else that he doesn't even take the time to acknowledge just how fucking far Carol has come for him and how unfounded his fear of being forgotten was. On the contrary, he's the one who let himself forget about her.

What Carol said on the radio is another thread that gets upended because of Daryl's twisted priorities. As they're looking for Laurent, he asks her in passing about who came back as if he didn't spend all of S1 worrying about it. Carol says it was "a feeling," but when she starts to open up about her struggles, Daryl stops her because he picked up Laurent's trail. That's one of many times in just this one episode that Daryl treats Carol like shit, like he isn't even Daryl anymore because the real Daryl is always attentive, even if he's mad at her for something, he always worries about her, and he always tries to put her first.

Caryl are meant to parallel the old couple they meet up with, I realize that, and I also see the beats that are meant to make us wonder if there's something more between Caryl than friendship, particularly when Carol watches the couple dance and her eye wanders to Daryl very subtly and the beat where the man calls them out for acting like a literal "old married couple." But the parallels get murky and once again, they're eclipsed by Isabelle's death and what she may have meant to Daryl. I guess I'm really tired of parallels in general. Don't give me parallels to Caryl. Give me Caryl beats that move their relationship forward.

I'm sorry to say that I did not enjoy Caryl's banter this episode. It wasn't playful or cute. Most of the time, Daryl was just being a dick to Carol. I think the idea of Daryl having a new family raises her insecurities, and at one point she suggests that Daryl is afraid he'll end up like her, meaning he'll lose his child. Daryl's response is that he isn't afraid of that at all, but Norman's delivery is strange. I can't tell if he's being genuine or if he's mocking her.

Caryl's chemistry is definitely off, and I think some fans are not sure how to reconcile that with the annoyingly subtle "teases" of more. To me, the vibe reminds me of a divorced couple and I kept getting the impression that Daryl is hanging on to some resentment about whatever transpired between them before he left. I think there's a story there, but I do not believe Zabel and the other stooges are open to exploring it. We need a competent showrunner for that.

Daryl's line to Carol that "he never ever stopped trying to get home to her," packs a punch, but not in the way I was hoping. Instead of being Carol's man of honor who shows his devotion to her (something this woman needed), it feels dirty, like a husband who got caught cheating and tries to tell his wife that he was thinking about her the whole time. That sentiment is repeated when Carol hands him the wooden figurine that Judith made for him. My heart shattered for Carol in both of these scenes because she deserves the "only man to make her feel safe" and he just isn't there. I don't know who is, but it's not Daryl and it makes me sad for him too. I miss the real Daryl.

As always, Melissa puts on an incredible performance. So does Clemence. I'm glad they got to act together at least in one scene, but the story doesn't do either of them justice. It's misogynistic, it's hurtful, it's baffling. Where the fuck is the Caryl spinoff we were promised? This isn't it.

[always---wrong]

OKAY, so I know no one ever talks about SAO abridged on here but it's version of Kirito is like definitely autistic, right? I have the tism and I'm just saying, he probably has it too.

I'm not sure about the original Kirito since I couldn't get through season one but i genuinely feel so connected to abridged Kirito. He's so bad at socializing, he's so insecure, and he has a special interest in video games. I mean come on, he would rather live in a video game than in reality. Season 2 really shows the true scope of his autism. He went through serious character growth the last season so he's a lot less egotistical in this one. Because of this we can see what he was hiding before. He genuinely cares about Tiffany and their friendship and he shows this by directly stating it which is like a literal and blunt way to do things which can be autistic. He gets all excited about the new VR fairy game to the point he didn't hear Tiffany talk about his missing wife. He starts rambling and My God I love that scene so much cause he's just so happy and we don't get to see him happy too much. His little "Noooooooo," when he was acting out him destroying all the noobs lives in head rent free.

Kirito also speaks in a lot of sarcasm and movie references. And that is not necessarily an autism symptom but I do that a lot and so do a lot of other autistic people I know. He also takes things literally, like when Asuna (is that how you spell it?) said he really speaks from the heart in episode 2 and he responds, "I thought I was speaking from my mouth, guess that shows what I know about autonomy." He seemed completely serious too.

I just LOVE this Kirito so much to the point when SAO is mentioned I want to say I love that anime but then I remember that it's not the anime that I love but the abridged version on YouTube. Like, I see Kirito fan art and I have to remind myself that it's not the character I fell in love with.

I find it kinda funny that I resonate so much with a fan made thing rather then the original.

Anyway, this giant thing is just a scratch on the surface of reasons I love SAO abridged. The character development, humor, emotional moments and story beats are just so good.

I can go on and on about why I think Kirito is autistic too. Like, I only named a few things.

[kravchikfreak]

i feel like sometimes people would come up with some cool headcanons and interpretations, but then they'll convince themselves that it's literally shown canon with no place for doubt and then they'll act as if everyone else is dumb for not consuming the media the way they do it

(i guess i'm guilty as well, but i'm allowed to cause i'm actually right all the time)

like the second season of arcane got tons of criticism for bad writing, and, naturally, there're people who would defend their favorite show just cause THEY interpreted it in a way that makes sense to the point that when i go to arcane criticism tag to see what problem other people have with the show i also see show's defenders who pissed not everyone sees it as they do

and um i mean it's fine, i get it, we are all the same, just in different camps, whatever. but i have a story. one time i had to do coursework and i barely touched it before the last night before deadline came. and i thought to myself "welp i really need to work on it now, i only have 8 hours left" and when i turned on my laptop and was about to open up the files the power went out in the entire building. and my laptop had a shit battery that worked for like 1,5 minutes without charging. so i thought it was kinda funny and called my mom and told her "see? the only time i decided to do something studying-related and this happens. universe must be trying to send me a sign" and my mom went like "yeah, a sign that you need to try harder! despite all the obstacles that might come to your way"

so, who out of us two doesn't have a sign literacy? is sign literacy dead? or was it just a shit unclear sign and its interpretation depends solely on the person who interprets it and their life experience, beliefs, mentality and so on?

anyway, if you think you feel the character and you can imagine their motives and goals that's cool i guess, but doesn't mean the show actually succeeded to state them in canon. if you can see just some random plot points without any actual on-screen transition between them and just understand what transitions was implied it's also really cool, but for me for example if i wanted to just have some guide points and use my imagination for the rest i'd just scroll through "imagine" tag on tumblr rather then watching an actual show that's supposed to tell the story, not key points of the story

and no, the show doesn't have to tell a viewer everything by words. but it still have to tell you everything, actually, just by all different kinds of storytelling. and leaving everything to viewers imagination isn't a storytelling. like yeah i guess i can come up with some character development that makes you go from pointing a gun at a child (when you already compromised your ability to sharpshoot) to very judgmental "why is peace always the justification for violence?" (right after you actually tell you aren't ready to withdraw your forces and half an hour early we have a cool montage of your forces being pretty violent already) but i feel like it's writers job, not mine

but hey, you do you anyway. who am i to care

in fact i actually feel you. i'll die on the hill of silco being a great dad and caring deeply about jinx. but tho we have in fact canon proof she mean the world to him (actual story actually telling us he chooses her over his ultimate goal) at the same time we don't really have a good explanation on his whole beef with vi. yeah, i still can make my headcanons about his insecurity and fear of losing jinx after she tells her something about something, but it still sounds weak and not really explained in the show. also not a great writing

okay i'm officially lost in my thoughts, gotta wrap it up somehow. let's end on the point that some of interpretations the show leaves you with this season don't make much sense and in other cases it doesn't even give you any material to interpret but straight up leaves you with the responsibility of come up with events and development of the story and characters. and while a viewer might be good at this or even enjoy it, it's still very bad writting actually

peace