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anadiasmount · 5 months

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as time gets close - jude bellingham x reader.

quick sum: almost close to your due date, what is wrong with a late-night grocery trip with your very excited and anxiously waiting fiance?

wc: 1.8k | masterlist | jude's masterlist

psa 🗣️: a little dad! jude blurb bc we haven’t seen much of this on the timeline!! like always hope you enjoy 🤍

"why are you bending down? you know that is bad for you," you rolled your eyes at your fiance's scolding, grabbing the keys from the floor. "i dropped the keys by accident," you say as you pick the correct key that belonged to the lock. jude rubbed your belly, ensuring you were okay before helping you out to the car, the reusable bags tucked underneath his arm.

"did you bring the list?" you ask him seeing as he nods and pulls it out from the pockets of his hoodie. "i did. i also brought you some snacks because you didn't eat much after getting some nausea," you pouted your lips leaning up to peck his cheek thanking him. "what would i do without you?" you tease, a playful scoff falling from his lips.

"what makes you think you'd be without me? i'm attached to you for life remember?" he grabs your left hand kissing over your ring finger as he gives you a knowing look. you feel as he brings your intertwined hands to your belly, "and you're carrying my baby in there."

"really i couldn't tell," you say sarcastically.

"let's make it quick because my feet already hurt and i want to sleep," you advised letting out a tired yawn. despite being close to your due date, you still had some work to do before maternity leave. making calls to set meetings, attending them over zoom, filing paperwork, in charge of making sure the firm doesn't backfire, and planning some stuff out for your wedding.

jude had told you multiple times to take it easy, but placing that aside, he always helped you unconditionally. in the shower, when cooking, taking care of chores, before bed, and attending all your doctor's appointments. he was your personal midwife and wanted to take care of you the most he could.

you remembered to look on his face when you told him you were expecting, the tears on his face as he spoke to your barely bump all night and traced his hands on your belly. singing and humming lullabies and stories about his day. since then he wanted to protect you the best he could.

going to the grocery store at this time was nothing new, in fact, it became so prevalent now that you were pregnant because you craved everything. making jude do a late run to pick up your cravings or groceries for the upcoming weeks. the same store, at the same time.

you placed your purse on the cart, snuggling into your jacket as the cold air inside the store blew you away. you followed jude who picked out veggies and greens for his meal prepping, helping him tie the bags and weigh them on the digital scale that produced labels. you watched in awe as your boyfriend picked out three pairs of different flowers. "what are these for?" you asked, smelling the flowery scent.

"for the house. we need to replace the old ones that dried out," jude says with a shy grin. "you were the one who said plants and flowers bring a sense of home into our house, " jude recalled your words, kissing your temple, pushing the cart since it became a bit heavier. "i did say that didn't i? well i wasn't wrong," you shrug, wrapping a hand around his bicep as he trailed along isles to pick up the different items on the list.

he did all the heavy lifting as you reached and picked stuff up from your level, like spices and eggs. you turn your back for a few seconds to retrieve some milk and coffee beans for the morning, to see the cart filled with pop tarts and other salty snacks. "no no no," you shake your head, as jude whines out protests. "y/n we need them! they're even on sale!"

“jude, i don’t care! we just got some three days ago!,” you say laughing, putting back the box of pop tarts. “y/n i’m telling you right now, in a couple of hours or days you’re gonna have me running back here for them,” jude states following behind you.

“am not!” you quickly defend, bringing a hand to your aching back. “are too! last night you had me running out for cheetos. what’s it going to be today? kettled popcorn? or wingstop?” jude teased making you rolls your eyes and focusing back on to what needed to get done. “don’t forget we need to pick some of that acid reflex stuff for you, to get rid of the heartburn,” jude reminds you, taking the cart and walking out of the pop tarts isle, sneaking a box in for you.

“what’s left on the list?” you ask him, taking out a small snack you had in your purse and offering some to jude. “we need bananas, strawberries, orange juice, and meats for upcoming dinners…” jude reads the list one by one, using his index finger as he goes along.

you pass by an isle grabbing some cereal and granola for your yogurts and bowls. jude insisting he grabs his favorite too since you refuse to share from your part. as you wait by the deli section jude come behind you, grabbing your belly and relieving some of the pressure.

you immediately lay your head back on his shoulder sighing in relief, hearing jude chuckle and place a kiss on your head. “almost there darling,” he whispered running one of his hands along your tummy. “i know what you’re doing jude… and if this baby starts kicking right now i’ll leave you here,” you warn.

“i’m just trying to help you love. doesn’t it feel good?” he reprimanded as you nodded. “yes but not when she starts kicking, i swear she does it on purpose and it’s your fault. like she knows it you,” you said feeling your lower back less tense and heavy. "i kid you not, last night she almost made me pee from this hard kick!"

"sounds to me like we have a mini footballer coming into our lives," said jude continuing to hold your belly since you were tired and your baby was heavy. he had read the method online with other tips and tricks. jude got more into reading when he found out you were pregnant, wanting to know every effect and secret to ensure a healthy and safe pregnancy.

"let's hope not, i don't think i could handle cleaning up broken stuff around the house every day," you sigh, releasing yourself from his hold because you began to get hot. you didn’t understand how your body was so quick to adjust and then de-adjust from hot and cold, but it was so easy and it drove you mad sometimes.

“you okay?” jude softened his eyes as you let out a breath of despair, holding your hand and feeling a sit squeezed tightly against his. “yeah just got a mini cramp,” you held your back and practiced breathing methods you learned, “i’m good, i promise,” you kiss his hand before retrieving the meats from the butcher. "we'll get home soon, and i promise you a warm tea and massage okay?"

"did you want chocolate or strawberry milk?" jude held up the pint containers, "strawberry, we still have chocolate milk at home," you said, jude nodding as he quickly picked the orange juice and your favorite yogurts. "i was never a fan of sweet or flavored milk but these are soooo good," you exaggerated, jude smiling hard down at you.

"never a fan? these were my childhood as a kid! my mum used to buy these or the powder to make it ourselves," jude says recalling a old memory thinking of his babygirl. "you reckon she'll like them too?" jude spoke softly as he saw you give him a fast nod. if there was one thing loved it was discussing his babygirl. he was so anxious and wanted to meet her. the itch in his teeth getting bigger as every day passes.

to hold her while she slept, hug her to keep her warm, coddle her to sleep, feed her. he was ready for it all. he loved to shop and spoil her already. her carrier, crib, different books, toys, and stuffed animals like he had as a kid. she didn't know it yet, but she would be jude's second best friend. firstly you. always you.

they saw if one ever finds love at first sight, and jude definitely did with you. a smile so bright, eyes gleaming with happiness, a stranger who he fell madly with almost immediately after hearing her say hello. through ups and downs, you found your way to each other and since then, it's a love story for the movies. jude had his career blowing, a beautiful fiancee, and now a baby on the way. what more could he want?

as jude helped bag the groceries into the recycled bags you had, you paid and thanked the cashier whom you got close with on nights like these. asking how her day was, about her kids, anything special, always something to distract her. "you two have a safe night!" she yelled as you turned and thanked, wishing her a good night as well.

after you insisted on helping, you carried four light bags as jude carried most bags since he hated double trips. you guys quickly unpacked everything, longing and wishing to get into bed. you ensure the stove and other appliances are off, grabbing your tea and heading upstairs with jude.

"lay here for me," jude instructed, grabbing some cream and begging to smooth and massage out the muscles on your legs and shoulders. "after we have her, i promise i'll return every single thing you did for me while i was pregnant," you say struggled and full pleasure as the tension went away at jude's fingertips. "oh i'm fully expecting the injured boyfriend method again," jude teased as he finished up.

he grabbed a new book, laying on your side as you brushed and played with a few curls on his head, twirling them around your finger as he breathed softly. he looked so gentle and full of excitement like this, reading to your babygirl, who sensed her daddy's voice as she kicked. she knew, she always knew.

he applied your belly oil to prevent any stretch marks and kissed the small ones that formed along the way. jude cherished your body for carrying his baby in there, for being able to give and bring a new life into his and yours. you laid on your side, jude's chest connecting and fitting the crevasse on your back, holding your tummy as in a way to keep it safe.

you placed and locked hands with his, as jude wishing you a goodnight, peering kissed on your shoulders then finally lips, moaning in delight, a tiny groan leaving his lips. "i love you so much darling," he whispered, kissing your temple and snuggling into you more. "iloveyoutoojude," you said fast, with a playful smile on your lips as you felt a familiar sensation of a certain craving. "okay now i do want some pop tarts..."

"are you serious right now?"

#jude bellingham #judey thoughts 5️⃣#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham blurb #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham one shot #football fanfic #footballer #football x reader

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faraway-there · 2 years

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My online shopping cart for the store is currently full of cold brew and potato chips. And eggs, but the coffee and chips seem to outweigh that.

#personal #not sure I’m really purchasing it any time soon #but I need eggs but don’t want to go into a store so I have to justify pickup with a full order #I feel like this should say a lot about me as a person #I’ll check back in with myself later this week #by then I’ll need green onions and cilantro for vegan menudo this weekend #I’m just procrastinating on sleep if we can’t tell

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illyrianbitch · 4 months

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What Lies Between Us

Pairing: Reader x Modern Detective! Azriel

Summary: Azriel has spent years trying to escape the ghosts of his past, retiring into a self-imposed exile despite a promising career as a talented detective. When you turn up at his door asking for help on a recent case, his world is disrupted.

Warnings: angst, outrunning memories, brief allusions to crime, details of injury, horrible yearning and longing tbh

Word Count: 3.4k

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

Azriel let out a sigh as he fumbled for his keys, juggling a bag of groceries in one hand. The weight of it grew heavy, and he clenched his jaw in focus as he finally pushed his door open, blindly reaching for the lightswitch on his wall.

A soft meow greeted him at his feet. Azriel glanced down to see Shadow, his black sleek fur gleaming under the light, weaving affectionately between his legs. Shadow's green eyes flicked up briefly before he leapt gracefully onto a bar stool and then the counter, nose twitching as he inspected the grocery bags Azriel placed down. He pulled back, seemingly unimpressed.

Azriel’s therapist was insistent that more greens would be beneficial in easing his anxiety. He said nothing about its relation to his nightmares, but Azriel didn’t have high hopes regarding whether broccoli could treat years of insomnia. Slowly, he pulled groceries from the bags, one by one. He almost snickered at the contents of his fridge— a few shelves now stocked with freshly bought produce, a carton of eggs, orange juice, butter, and a pack of beer. He shut the door.

There were a few birthday cards on his fridge, held on by various traveling magnets he’d collected over the years. One card was from his mother, the words “sweet boy” staring back at him, written with a heavy hand and adorned with hearts she delicately drew. The others were from his friends, a stupid one from Cassian, a sweet one from Mor, even Elain had gifted him one— and an invitation to her wedding.

He hadn’t gone.

But you had. He knew this from the pictures Feyre had posted on Instagram.

Not that he was checking. He deleted Instagram soon after.

Azriel's gaze lingered on the cards. There was one missing, and his fingers traced the place it used to be, where he had stuck it for a week before he realized he couldn’t handle looking at it every morning as he made breakfast. That card was tucked away in his bedside drawer now. He saw it every night, instead.

He let out a deep sigh, running his hands along his face, fingers brushing against the stubble that had begun to grow already.

He had planned to cook a healthy meal tonight, to take his new prescription and finally attempt to get a good night's sleep. But the thought of chopping vegetables and cooking felt exhausting. He pulled out a beer.

The cap nicked his thumb as he twisted it off, but he barely registered the sensation, quickly drawing the neck of the bottle to his mouth. He greedily swallowed down the cheap contents and moved towards the living room. Shadow padded after him, tail flicking in curiosity, a step behind every move Azriel made.

His apartment was empty, save for a few decorations and his heavily decorated bookshelves. Two of the chairs in his living room were still new, and the smell of brand new leather clung to them heavily, making the entire room reek of a department store. Azriel’s apartment wasn’t a home. It was a place filled with furniture. Besides those cards on his fridge, not much hinted at any sign of a life well lived.

Except the vinyl collection he now stood before.

His collection was meticulously organized, spanning decades of music. Some were torn, tattered at the edges where he’d picked them up at vintage shops, others brand new from gifts he’d been given.

Azriel selected a record. Its cover was worn and bent at the edges from drunken nights trying to carefully shove it back into its place. A classic rock album, the kind that filled the silence with powerful guitar riffs and soulful vocals— one of his favorites.He slid it from its sleeve, handling it with the care it properly deserved, and placed it on the turntable

Azriel wasn’t a flashy man, never one for fancy possessions, but this collection was his pride. The turntable itself was one of the nicest things he owned, if not the nicest. He cherished it, admired it every time he came into the living room. As the needle found its place, the familiar crackle precluded the strong, evocative notes of the electric guitar, filling the room with a warmth and soul that pulled a deep,weary sigh from his gut.

Shadow brushed against Azriel’s legs again, and his eyes fell at the touch, gaze falling on his guitar propped against the wall. A wave of sadness ran through him. Azriel approached it, running his fingers along its neck, along the dust that had gathered on top of it. The strings resisted against the scars on his fingertips.

He took a step back, grabbed his beer, and made his way towards the balcony.

The rush of cold night air offered a welcoming reprieve from the stifling stillness of his apartment. The chill bit at his skin, but he didn’t mind. It reminded him that he was still alive, still capable of feeling something other than biting numbness, suffocating guilt.

The city buzzed below. Azriel was never a fan of New York. The city was loud, crowded, and full of distractions that made it hard for him to find the quiet he craved. He felt disconnected from it all, from the hums of life and sounds of cars. He’d never felt as lonely as he did recently, surrounded by hundreds of people. Taking another sip of his beer, he let the music wash over him, the rich melody pouring out into the open air.

Azriel was only two songs in before there was a sudden knock on his door.

He frowned and waited a minute for them to go away. Another knock followed, more insistent this time. Grumbling, he turned around and headed to the door, placing his beer on the counter.

"Damnit, Rhys,” Azriel called out, hand reaching out to pull his apartment door open, “I told you I didn't want to—"

Azriel’s words died in his mouth as he opened the door, feeling a rush of emotions flood him all at once—relief, shock, and a hint of something else he couldn't quite name.

You were as beautiful as the last time he’d seen you, at that family dinner where he’d done his best to avoid you. Your skin was tan now, a sun-kissed glow that Azriel quickly deduced was from the recent trip you’d taken with Mor and Feyre. You’d gone to Belize, and while Feyre was gone, he and Rhysand had taken a trip upstate, stayed at a small place Rhys owned. Rhys was smart enough to not bring you up throughout the week, but Az still saw all the pictures Feyre had sent him— pictures that included you beaming at the camera, drink in hand and those pink vintage sunglasses you’d bought at a flea market three years ago.

"Y/N," he breathed out, voice barely above a whisper.

“Hi, Azriel,” you said, voice steady and soft, sweet like honey. It dripped down his skin and made him melt. His hand fell lax against the door handle. You gave him a small, almost unsure, smile. “I need your help.”

Azriel’s brows furrowed, gaze scanning your features for a moment. There were dark circles under your eyes— and your eyes, your eyes themselves seemed sad. Troubled. His stomach twisted into itself. You held his gaze for a moment before you were clearing your throat, shaking your head as if breaking the connection.

“Can I come in?”

Azriel blinked. “Of course,” he finally replied, pulling the words from deep out of his chest. He gave a smile as he stepped aside and gestured for you to come in. “Please.”

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

It was strange to be so close to you, to watch as you gingerly took off your coat and draped it over one of his barstools. Azriel’s eyes traced your form before him— the bend of your spine as you leaned over, the jewelry on your wrist, the boots that you wore.Even with your back turned to him, Azriel knew you. Something was deeply troubling you. There was an evident tension in your body, in the way your shoulders moved, in your shallow breaths.

His gaze lingered on your waist for a moment, on the way your body curved below your hips. He shook himself out of the daze, suddenly embarrassed and shameful.

His eyes fell to the ground, where Shadow now mewed and rubbed against your legs. You looked down at the contact, letting out a small laugh. Shadow wasted no time before jumping onto the kitchen island, nudging against your arms affectionately.

Azriel moved quickly, scooping Shadow up and setting him back on the ground. “Sorry about that,” he murmured.

“It’s okay,” you replied, a soft smile still playing on your lips. It was unsure— wary, even. The realization made Azriel’s stomach sink. He looked down at where Shadow was pressed against you once more.

Azriel’s eyes met yours, a flicker of something tender passing between you as he quietly said, “He missed you.”

Your gaze softened. A silence followed. It was heavy, but no longer uncomfortable. “I did too.”

The words hung in the air, filling the space between you with a warmth that neither of you dared to acknowledge fully. Azriel pushed away the thoughts in his mind that began to wonder if your words were meant for him, if you had missed him. He cleared his throat.

“What brings you by?”

You blinked, breaking the stare you were holding. “Right,” you said. You quickly turned back to your bag, fumbling slightly as you pulled out some papers and folders, gently placing them on the counter.

You flipped one of the folders open, saying nothing as you glanced at Azriel before casting your eyes down at the papers before you. You took a deep breath. “I need your help with a case.”

Azriel took a step forward, eyes glossing over the papers before him. He tightened his jaw. “You’re not supposed to be showing me these.”

He could get in trouble for being exposed to such sensitive information— and you, you were risking your career being here.

“I know,” you replied.

Azriel leaned forward, setting into a stance next to you. He ignored the way his skin prickled at the close proximity, instead placing a finger on the papers, pulling them closer to him. He frowned, brows furrowing as he took in the details. He casted a side glance at you.

You were already looking at him, a crease between your brows as you pressed your lips into a thin line.

“Y/n,” Azriel murmured, “I’m not sure how I can be of any use.”

“Just hear me out,” you pleaded, moving closer to tap a finger on the papers. “They’re following a pattern. I need to get ahead of it. I’m stumped and you used to be great at these cases.”

Azriel’s frown deepened. “Is it a copycat?”

You paused. Azriel missed the flicker of hesitation in your eyes before you nodded. “Yeah, a copycat.”

He let out a contemplative hum. “Who?”

You chewed on the inside of your cheek, taking a step back as you remained quiet. Your silence was pronounced enough for Azriel to stiffen. He turned around slowly. His eyes gave away the question that was seated on the tip of his tongue. You nodded.

Azriel stood still, his face hardening, but there was something in his eyes that looked awfully like fear, something in his gut that felt awfully like shame— like regret. He took a deep breath.

“I can't help you.”

Your shoulders slumped. “Azriel-”

“Y/n, I can’t help you,” He repeated, the words falling from his mouth like a practiced mantra of self-denial. “Request the files you need, talk to Cassian. He knows it just as well as I do.”

Azriel curled his hands into fists. He attempted to ignore the stone that sank in his stomach at the name of his friend, of his brother. Cassian. As if sensing his distress, Shadow mewed softly, weaving between Azriel’s legs.

“That is not true and you know it,” you retorted. There was a heavy sense of frustration that seeped into your voice, one that dripped from every word you said. You could feel the tension thickening the air, suffocating the space between you and Azriel.

He remained silent, his gaze fixed on a point somewhere beyond your shoulder. The stubborn set of his jaw made you falter further. You took a deep breath, lowering your voice to one much softer, much smoother. Azriel nearly melted at it, nearly found himself apologizing for everything he had done.

“I’ve requested access, I can talk to Cassian. But we both know you know things even I don’t. You kept meticulous records.”

“I-”

"Please," you interrupted, your voice pleading. "Az.”

Azriel’s expression softened, his eyes meeting yours with a mixture of sorrow and resolve. He let out a small sigh and then he offered you a nod. His steps were measured, deliberate, as he turned and made his way down the small hallway, the echoes of his footfalls filling the quiet space.

His bedroom was just as empty as the rest of the apartment, and his gaze flickered to the bedside table as he passed. He stilled for a moment, feeling another heavy wave of sadness wash through him. Another second passed before he pulled his mind away, forcing himself to walk into his closet.

It took a few moments of pushing aside boxes and clothing before he found it, running his hands along the small safe tucked away in the back wall. With a practiced hand, he dialed the combination, the soft click of the lock releasing echoing in the room. The door opened gently, revealing its contents—a sleek handgun nestled among a jumble of items, including a worn leather journal and a stack of notes. Brushing his hand over the cold metal of the gun, Azriel reached for the journal, its worn cover familiar beneath his touch. Tucking it under his arm, he closed the safe with a sense of finality.

Returning to where you stood, Azriel found it difficult to meet your gaze again, opting to keep his eyes trained on the journal in his hand and Shadow at his feet. He wasn’t sure if it was just him that suddenly felt so smothering, or if there was something in the air that made it hard for him to breathe.

He offered you the journal with an extended hand. For a brief moment, your fingers brushed against each other. A familiar warmth ran through Azriel’s body and he resisted the urge to recoil from the intensity of it alone.

His hand stayed in the air for a moment, suspended in the moment of your touch. You glanced down at his palm, eyes drifting to his bare ring finger. Your eyes softened and Azriel followed your gaze, immediately pulling his hand back and shoving it into his pocket.

“Thanks,” you murmured, turning around to place it on top of your bag. You kept your back to him for a moment, and Azriel traced the curve of your spine with his eyes, watched how you placed two hands to brace yourself on the counter as you sighed. You slowly turned around.

“Azriel-”

The glint in your eyes told him where the conversation was bound to lead. He cut you off as fast as he noticed. “I can’t.”

You deflated, shoulders falling slightly as your gaze danced across his face. “You didn’t even let me speak.”

“I know what you’re going to say,” he said softly. He shifted on his heels, shoving his hands further into his pockets. “I can’t get involved. This is all I can do.”

“Alright,” you finally replied, bringing your bottom lip between your teeth as you absentmindedly nodded your head. “I’m sorry.”

“No, no.” He took an instant step forward, hand naturally flying out to touch your arm. He realized his movement before he made contact, letting his hand fall awkwardly at his side. “Don’t apologize. You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I better get going.”

Please don’t.

“Yeah.”

Please stay.

As you started to gather your belongings, slipping the journal into your bag and pulling your jacket on, Azriel's gaze remained fixed on you. His heart lurched painfully in his chest as you reached for your jacket and pulled it on, your shirt hiking up to reveal the beginning of a jagged scar along your abdomen. He deflated, casting his eyes to the ground. A wave of self-loathing washed over him and he clenched his hands at his sides, his knuckles turning white with the force of his grip.

It wasn’t until you were opening his front door that Azriel found the courage to look up, mustered the strength to meet your eyes.

“Y/n-” Azriel paused. His heart thudded loudly in his eardrums. He felt a faint tugging sensation in his chest, as if his body itself was screaming at him to get closer to you, to not let you leave. He swallowed down the selfish words he wanted to say, and instead offered you a wary, but warm, smile. “Be careful. This might just be a copycat, but they’re still as dangerous. I want you to be safe.”

“I know.” Something in your face softened, and you offered him a half smile. His eyes darted to the small dimple on your cheek. “I will be.”

You turned to leave, but no movement followed. Instead, you stilled, hand tapping on the handle before you turned around again. “It was nice to see you, Az.”

He gave you a small, curt nod. His chest tightened. “You too, Y/n.”

“Take care of yourself.”

And then you were gone.

✹ ✶ 𖧷 ✶✹

Azriel sat on the couch, the soft hum of his chosen record filling the otherwise quiet apartment. His hand absentmindedly rubbed Shadow's head as he closed his eyes, allowing his thoughts to drift.

Weeks had passed since he last saw you, but you were never far from his mind. He had toyed with the idea of reaching out to you, of asking how things were going, but the thought was quickly dismissed. It was inappropriate on multiple levels. You weren't in each other's lives anymore, and he shouldn't have known about the case in the first place. So he resigned himself to living in his mind, replaying that night over and over, wondering if he should have asked you to stay, if he should have offered more help.

There was a knock at the door.

Azriel jumped at it, head twisting over his couch to look at his entrance. He pushed himself up, lifting Shadow from his lap as he made his way to the door. The cat emitted a discontented sound as he settled back into a lying position.

His heart fluttered with anticipation as he made his way to the door, a small glimmer of hope now flickering in his chest. Could it be that his prayers had been answered? That you were here again, unable to stop thinking about him just like he couldn't stop thinking about you?

Azriel took a deep breath as he reached for the doorknob.

He prepared to muster up a smile, running greetings through his mind, knowing himself well enough that he’d stumble at seeing your face once more. But as he swung the door open, his face fell flat.

"Rhys.”

Rhysand offered him a smile, but it lacked its usual warmth, troubled lines etched into his features. His posture was tense, his shoulders squared. There was a stiffness to his stance, a subtle rigidity that made Azriel’s stomach drop.

"What is it?" Azriel asked.

Rhys met his gaze, eyes filled with a darkened sense of worry. There was a glint of apprehension in his eyes, as if he were hesitant to speak. He swallowed.

"It's Y/n," Rhys finally said, "She's missing."

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this idea appeared to me in a dream and i had to write it... will it ever come to fruition? who knows??? but i do love a good haunting of the narrative.... az finding us....az being thrown back into a world he thought he left behind...... lord its such yummy angst

so lmk if you’re interested in being tagged in a part 2 :)

permanent tag list 🫶🏻: @rhysandorian @itsswritten @milswrites @lilah-asteria @georgiadixon

@glam-targaryen @cheneyq @darkbloodsly @pit-and-the-pen

azriel tag list: @thisiskaylin @serrendiipty

#azriel #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x y/n #azriel x reader angst #azriel angst #azriel shadowsinger #azriel spymaster #azriel fanfiction #azriel fanfic #azriel acotar #acotar #acotar fanfic #a court of thorns and roses #acotar fanfiction #azriel x reader au #azriel au #acotar au #actoar au fanfiction

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punkshort · 7 months

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somewhere to run | 9. three lies

Pairing: sheriff!Joel x f!reader

Chapter Summary: Joel spends his day hunting down Patrick, and both you and Joel separately come to a depressing realization.

Chapter Warnings: language, angst, references to drug use, smut (MDNI 18+)

WC: 6.2K

Series Masterlist

When you awoke the next morning, eyes still closed as you stretched your arms and legs under the sheets, something seemed off. Your eyes snapped open, forgetting where you were momentarily. Glancing around, you quickly remembered the day before with a heavy heart. It had started out so perfectly, wrapped up in Joel's arms, and then everything went to shit the minute Patrick was released from jail.

The way he snarled at you when he confronted you at work was seared into your brain. The words he scrawled all over your bathroom walls were burned into the back of your eyelids. The sheer hopelessness you felt when you saw the wreckage of your little apartment still weighed heavily on your shoulders.

What were you going to do? You had some money saved up, but the damage he did to the apartment would clean you out, not to mention having to replace everything. Could you just sleep on the floor until you could afford a new mattress? Maybe you would get lucky at Goodwill and find a decent couch.

Just as you were formulating a plan to go to the dollar store for some new plates and cups, you heard soft voices and rummaging around in the kitchen below you. Glancing at the clock, you realized you had slept in a little later than you intended, so you quickly sat up and looked around.

Joel's mattress was much better than yours. It pulled you in the moment you laid down and you hardly moved an inch all night. You ran your hand over the soft, white sheets before standing up and tucking the blue comforter into the sides and fluffing the pillows, doing your best to leave it the way it was before you arrived.

The whole room smelled like him. It was overwhelming and confusing not having him there. Every time you inhaled, you expected to see him. You were grateful you were so exhausted last night, otherwise you were sure you would have tiptoed downstairs and curled up into his side.

After changing into clean clothes, you were about to head downstairs when you happened to catch your reflection in the mirror over his dresser. You yanked out your makeup bag and tried to do a quick job of covering the bruises and marks that remained. They were healing, but they were an ugly yellowish green color now, and you couldn't let Sarah know what really happened.

Once you were satisfied, you took a deep breath and swung open the door, heading down the steps. The smell of toast and the sounds of a frying pan being scraped became stronger the closer you got to the kitchen. You couldn't help but smile at the scene before you: Joel, freshly showered but still in his pajamas as he stirred eggs in a pan while Sarah hovered next to him, scolding him for letting some of the food burn.

They both whipped around when you softly cleared your throat, a small smile playing on your lips when they gave you a look like they had been caught doing something wrong.

"Mornin'," Joel said, fumbling with the burners on the stove before nudging Sarah to hand him a plate. "Wasn't sure what you liked. Eggs okay?"

"You've already done so much, you didn't have to-"

"We wanted to," Sarah said, handing you a plate of eggs and a piece of toast. You took it from her and gave her a smile before choosing a spot at their table and sitting down. Before you could even ask, Joel set down a cup of coffee in front of you with a wink.

"Sleep alright?" he asked, pulling out the chair next to you while Sarah dug into her food across the table. You noticed he chose to skip breakfast in favor of another cup of coffee and you frowned.

"Actually, yes. Thank you. I'll take the couch tonight," you said as you lifted your fork up to take your first bite. He shook his head and leaned back in his chair.

"No need. I usually end up fallin' asleep on the couch most nights, anyway," he said, then shot Sarah a look when she raised her eyebrows at him. That was the first lie he would tell that day. She grinned and ducked her head back down.

"How long will it take to fix your apartment?" she asked innocently. You froze, your fork hovering in the air, not sure what to say. Your eyes quickly shifted to Joel and he graciously stepped in.

"We'll find out more today once we get someone over there to look at it," he said, and that seemed to appease her because she nodded and pulled out her phone.

When she was distracted, Joel slipped his hand under the table to give your knee a reassuring squeeze. You glanced up at him and gave him a tight smile. Whatever this thing was between you was already getting complicated, and it had only barely been a day.

After breakfast, Joel got dressed for work while you did the dishes. Sarah sat at the kitchen island, her legs swinging off the edge of the stool as she flipped through a notebook, her eyebrows pinching together in frustration.

"Big test today?"

She glanced up at you and sighed.

"Yeah. English Lit. I love reading, but some of this stuff just goes right over my head."

"What're you being tested on?" you asked, drying the plates and leaving them in a stack on the counter when you suddenly realized you had no idea where anything went.

"The Great Gatsby. Have you ever read it?" she asked, looking up from her notebook.

"Yeah, a long time ago. I liked it. The parties and the lifestyle sounded so exciting," you replied as you began cleaning the frying pan.

"Well, I don't get it. Everyone's lying and cheating on everyone in this story and it ends in tragedy. Like, what did they think was going to happen?" she scoffed, flipping a page in her notebook.

You tried to not read too much into it, you really did. But once Joel left to take her to school, promising to return right after to take you to work since you never ended up taking your car the night before, you found yourself sitting on his bed looking around his room and wondering what did you really think was going to happen?

"Hey."

You inhaled sharply and looked at the door, surprised to find Joel leaning against it, watching you.

"Sorry. I didn't hear you come in," you said, untangling your legs from beneath you so you could gather your purse.

"Everythin' alright?" he asked softly, then stepped forward to circle his arm around your waist, pulling you close.

"Yeah. Just a lot to process," you said, allowing yourself to lean into his chest for just a minute.

"I still got guys 'round the clock lookin' for him. I'll find him, I promise," he said, kissing the top of your head. You tilted your chin up to look at him. His eyes were soft as he gazed down at you, his thumb gently rubbing against your jaw as he scanned your face, trying to figure out what else was bothering you. Before he could find out the answer, you pulled him down so your lips slotted over his own. His exhale tickled your cheek as you massaged his lips slowly, nipping at his plush bottom lip before pulling away, leaving him chasing after your mouth.

"We both have work, remember?" you said, your mouth hovering an inch over his.

"We got time," he said, dipping his head down further to graze his teeth over your throat.

You almost gave in, wanting desperately to forget all about your concerns for just a few precious moments, and then your eyes fell on the clock next to his bed, snapping you out of your trance.

"I have to be at the diner in fifteen minutes," you told him regrettably, taking a step back. He sighed and dropped his hands from your waist.

"He's my brother, y'know. I can make sure you won't get in trouble if you're late. It's one of the perks," he said, giving you a wink. You laughed and brushed past him, heading down the stairs.

"So along with eating for free every day, your girlf-"

You stopped yourself, coughing over the words and shaking your head. How could you be someone's girlfriend and also someone else's wife?

Joel said your name quietly as you shoved on your sneakers, clearly picking up on your mood shift. You forced yourself to smile when you looked up at him, pretending as though the word almost didn't slip past your lips.

"Ready?" you asked, hoping that he would just let it go.

You could tell he wanted to talk about it. You could see it all over his face. His mouth opening and closing, the gears in his head churning as he tried to come up with the right words, but failed.

"Yeah," he finally said, following you out the door.

The short drive to the diner was tense and Joel hated that he was at such a loss for words. But by the time he dropped you off, with only a quick smile and wave from you in return, he knew what he had to do to make you feel better.

When he got to the station, he threw himself into finding Patrick first, and then getting your apartment processed second. You needed to feel safe, and he would stop at nothing to make that happen.

He spent the morning speaking to everyone who had been involved in the search, triple checking their notes were correct and up to date before going back to his office to stare at the map of the county tacked up on the wall.

Patrick hadn't been to his motel room. Joel had a car parked outside his room since last night, and even if there was no activity, he made the officer report in every thirty minutes.

He sent two cars over to your apartment with his forensics specialist to take whatever evidence and photographs were needed. He also called a cleaning company, who were on standby, ready to go in right after the officers were done.

He was just making a mental note to stop by the hardware store and pick up supplies so he could try to patch the holes in your walls when he heard his calendar ping on his computer. He frowned and rounded the desk, leaning down to squint at the screen. When he read the pop up reminder, he sighed heavily. He had completely forgotten he had set up a meeting with the mayor that day to discuss the confrontation with Patrick in the bar.

Joel glanced at his watch and cursed under his breath. He had thirty minutes, but more importantly, it meant he wouldn't be able to go to the diner for lunch. He pulled out his cell phone and leaned against his desk to type out a quick text.

Joel: I forgot I have a meeting today, I won't be there for lunch. Is everything okay so far?

He tapped his foot anxiously and waited for your reply, his eyes occasionally flicking up to the map in front of him as a distraction. You were busy. He knew that you couldn't have your phone out all the time, but he had hoped he would catch you before the lunch rush.

An agonizing ten minutes later, you finally replied.

You: No problem. Yes, everything is fine.

He stared at the words on the screen, trying to read in between the lines. Was everything really fine? He couldn't help but feel like something else was going on. You promised you would try to open up and talk to him, but he was beginning to discover that it might take you some time.

Just as he was struggling to come up with something else to say, anything that might draw you out more, you sent him another text.

You: Do you think it's safe if I go get my car after work?

He chewed the inside of his cheek as he thought it over. He didn't like the idea. Your car was practically a tracking beacon, not just for Patrick, but the whole town would see you parked in his driveway. But then he decided the benefits outweighed the risks. You wanted some freedom, and he didn't want to deny you that. Besides, he was determined to find Patrick, if not today, then tomorrow. The town was small and everyone was on the look out for him now, it was only a matter of time. And the way that gossip traveled around, he wouldn't be surprised if people already knew you stayed the night at his place. He would get you back in your apartment once it was cleaned and Patrick was behind bars again.

Joel: Sure, but I'll pick you up and take you. Don't walk home.

You: Thank you :)

He smiled a bit when he saw the smiley face. It was a small gesture, but it put his mind at ease.

He glanced once more at his watch and pushed off his desk, yanking his blazer off the coat rack before warning Bobby he was heading out. Once the meeting was over, he could get back to tracking down Patrick. Maybe some distance from the station would help clear his head.

"He's pressin' charges, Joel. Got word this mornin'."

Joel sighed and squeezed the bridge of his nose.

"Yeah, Dan, I figured as much. He's got no case, I got a bar full of witnesses that'll say he came at me."

Dan Flowers, the town's mayor, had held the position for nearly twenty years. He knew the town and its people like the back of his hand, Joel being no exception.

Dan eyed him up wearily before sitting down behind his desk, the chair creaking under his weight. He had never been a small man, but even Joel couldn't help but notice the weight gain the past couple years. The buttons on his shirt were pulled so tightly he was afraid one would pop under the pressure as he readjusted in his chair.

Joel dragged his eyes up from the buttons and met his penetrating gaze. He had to assume Dan heard the rumors, but he refused to be the one to say anything first.

"Get Hank to give a state-"

"Already got it," Joel said, cutting him off.

Dan narrowed his eyes at him and laced his fingers together in front of him on the desk.

"Michelle still your lawyer?" Dan asked, and Joel's nostrils flared.

"You know she ain't," he scoffed. He knew what Dan was doing. He was trying to get under his skin. He was trying to make him talk about you.

"Okay, then we'll get you one," he said, glancing down at his desk, flipping through some papers. Joel watched him, his temper flaring low in his belly.

"What's goin' on with you and this guy's wife, Joel?"

Joel took a deep breath and hung his head, trying to keep calm. He knew it was coming, but he still had a hard time controlling his reaction.

"I've been hearin' things. Margaret's daughter, Nikki? She's tellin' some people somethin' else mighta motivated you in the bar that night."

"She's just pissed because we went on a few dates and it didn't work out," Joel gritted out.

"You sure?" Dan asked, leaning forward. When Joel took too long to reply, his gaze pinned to the floor, Dan sighed.

"Joel, I gotta level with you," he said, finally catching Joel's eye. "If somethin's goin' on, you gotta think long and hard 'bout how this'll affect not only her, but you."

Joel tensed. His gaze shifted back and forth between Dan's eyes, his mind racing. Too much was happening. Michelle, Nikki, and now you. Dan was trying to push his buttons, and it was working.

"Nothin's goin' on," he finally said. His second lie of the day.

Dan stared at him for a long moment, making Joel think he wasn't as good of a liar as he thought, or maybe he was doing a piss poor job of keeping the anger from reaching his eyes.

"Good," Dan said, leaning back and clicking his tongue against his teeth. "Because if there was, it could jeopardize this lawsuit against you. Maybe even your job."

"My job?" Joel repeated incredulously. Okay, that one he didn't see coming.

"Hypothetically, if somethin' were goin' on and this guy can prove it, you might be asked to step down," Dan said, scratching his mustache as if deep in thought. "Or at the very least, won't be able to run for re-election."

"Christ," Joel muttered under his breath before standing up from his chair. He had enough. "We done here?"

"Not tryin' to upset you, Joel," Dan replied, standing up with a grunt. "I'm tryin' to help you. You gotta see the bigger picture here. The guy's an asshole, but don't forget he's a cop. He knows the law and he's got a good lawyer. You don't wanna screw this up for either of you. Especially her."

Joel felt his stomach clench and he suddenly felt flush. He needed to get out of there. He needed a chance to think.

He managed to nod as he turned and headed towards the door, his vision narrowing the harder it became to breathe.

"I know you're used to dealin' with the locals, but this is a whole different breed," Dan said, pulling on the door and holding it open for Joel to step through. "This ain't like Marcus and one of his episodes."

"Yeah, I hear you," Joel muttered, desperate to end the conversation as quickly as possible.

In a haze, he made it back to his truck. Slamming the door angrily, he took a minute to sit in the driver's seat, breathing heavily with his forehead resting against the steering wheel. He had foolishly hoped he could keep your relationship a secret until everything blew over, but considering how fast news travelled already, it seemed like that would be impossible. What was he going to do? The thought of not being with you made him sick to his stomach, but as much as he hated to admit it, Dan was right. And deep down, he knew it all along. Carol already tried to warn him. He was quickly losing sight of the situation, his mind focused on all the wrong things.

He couldn't fuck this up. It was too important. If Patrick got away with it again, next time it could cost you your life. And as badly as he wanted you all for himself, he cared about you too much. He knew what he would have to do and was going to break his fucking heart.

On the way back to the station, Joel swung by your apartment to see where things stood. When he hopped out of his truck, he was pleased to find the cleaning service already making progress. He peeked into your bathroom and saw someone wearing earbuds scrubbing away at the walls, looking completely unphased by the filth.

"How's it goin'?" Joel asked the older man he found sweeping up the floor of your kitchen.

"Makin' good time," he said, eyes still focused on the mess before him. "Should have it done this evenin'. Place ain't that big."

Joel nodded and glanced around at your living room. He flipped the couch back over and gave it a shake. It seemed salvageable, at least, so he dragged it back to its original position in the room. He sighed and looked around at the rest of the destroyed furniture. Maybe he could ask around and see if anyone had anything you could use. He knew Tommy and Maria wouldn't have a problem letting you borrow the mattress from their spare bedroom.

It was a start.

As he headed down your stairs, he found comfort in knowing at least your apartment would be fixed for you.

Now he just needed to find Patrick.

He sat in his truck, staring out the windshield as he rubbed his thumb over his lip, lost in thought. His mind kept wandering back to you and he had to fight the swell of emotion that bubbled up when he thought about what he was going to have to do. To distract himself, he tried to focus on Patrick. Where the hell could he be? How hasn't he turned up yet?

He was about to give up and head back to the station when a thought occurred to him. It was a long shot, but he had to try.

With renewed purpose, he turned the key in the ignition and buckled his seatbelt before swinging his truck around, driving in the direction of the trailer park at the edge of town.

It wasn't a place he liked to frequent often if he could help it. It was unfortunate, but it just so happened that a few of the residents in the trailer park tended to have more overnight stays in the cells than most, and their neighbors weren't always the friendliest towards Joel as a result.

He squinted and shielded his eyes from the sun as he tried to locate the numbers on the trailers while he slowly crept down the dirt road. It had been a while, but he thought he remembered the right address.

When he pulled up to a familiar off-white double wide, he shifted his truck into park and looked around. The numbers 8667 were nailed next to the door, but one of the 6's were missing, leaving a dirty outline of the number in the paint.

Slowly, he stepped out of the truck. His gaze landed on a few neighbors peeking through their windows, their curtains ruffling closed when he made eye contact.

He swallowed and forced his feet to move. He put one foot on a rickety, wooden stair, testing it before trusting it with all his weight and knocking loudly on the front door. As he waited, he looked around, noticing a beat up old car in the little driveway next to some overflowing trash cans. He heard footsteps on the other side of the door and he turned his head towards the sound, a plume of cigarette smoke swirling around him when it opened.

"Joel?" an old woman's shaky voice said from the other side of the screen. "Lord, what'd he do now?"

"Nothin', ma'am," Joel replied with a soft chuckle. "But is he home? I gotta ask him a couple questions, he ain't in trouble," he reiterated. She sighed heavily and leaned up against the doorframe, her graying curls snagging on the splintering wood.

"Enough with that ma'am talk, told you to call me Gertie years ago," she said, flicking the ash of her lit cigarette before yelling over her shoulder. "Marcus! Get your ass out here!"

Joel heard some rustling in a room down the hall before a door creaked open.

"What, Mama?" Marcus whined, rubbing his eyes as he shuffled up the hallway. When he saw Joel standing on the front porch, he froze. "I didn't do nothin'!"

"He knows that!" Gertie scolded, blowing out one last puff of smoke before stubbing out her cigarette. "Sit down! Joel, c'mon in," she said, her voice softening when she addressed him.

Joel stepped inside, about to slide off his shoes but then thought better of it once he saw the sticky, orange carpet.

"Can I getcha anythin'?" Gertie asked, leaning up against the sofa chair where he sat.

"No thank you, ma'am, I'll be quick," he said, turning his attention back to Marcus. "You ever hear anythin' 'bout a guy named Patrick?"

You were waiting in the foyer of the diner after your shift, your eyes flicking up every time you saw a car rattle by, each time expecting to see Joel's truck. He was almost twenty minutes late and it gave you time to think. Too much time.

As far as you could tell, nobody seemed to know about the two of you, and that gave you a small bit of relief. The rainy evening he had innocently stayed overnight, the entire town seemed to know within hours. So you knew it was inevitable before word got around this time.

You wished more than anything your life wasn't so complicated. Why couldn't you just date like a normal person? Why couldn't you just be happy? How did you manage to let yourself get sucked into this shitty life with Patrick?

The guilt you felt for bringing his wrath upon this poor town was unbearable. This wasn't their fight, yet they continued to stand up for you, one by one, putting themselves in harm's way. Half of you was filled with gratitude, however the other half, the much louder half, felt like a burden.

And then there was Joel.

He was such a good man. He was willing to go to such extreme lengths to keep you safe, but all you've really done was cause more work for him. You could see the stress written all over his face, even though he tried to hide it. The muscles in his shoulders twitched and he would grind his teeth when he was anxious, thinking nobody noticed. But you noticed.

You worried about Sarah, as well. She was just a teenager. You couldn't imagine trying to navigate through the most complex years of your life while your dad dated a married woman. Her words from that morning rattled around in your head all day: everyone's lying and cheating on everyone... what did they think was going to happen? And although your situation was very different and most reasonable people wouldn't label your behavior cheating, you weren't sure someone her age would see it the same way.

Your head snapped up when you saw Joel's truck finally pull into the parking lot. You rushed out the doors, hoping nobody would notice you climbing into his car. Even if it was inevitable, you needed a break from the drama.

"Hi," you said after you quickly jumped into the truck and slammed the door. He looked at you curiously for a moment and then grinned. Despite what he knew he would have to do, he couldn't help but smile when he saw you.

"Everythin' alright?"

"Yeah, it's just-" you glanced out the window and waved your hand, not sure what to say, so you opted for deflection. "Working late?"

"Yeah, sorry," he said, shifting the truck into reverse and backing out of the parking spot. "But it's for a good reason."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yep," he said, and you took a moment to examine his face while he drove. He looked more like himself again. Less stressed.

"Well, are you gonna tell me or leave me in suspense?" you teased, and his grin widened as he stopped at a light and turned his head towards you.

"We got 'em."

Your mouth hung open in shock, his words echoing in your brain. All you've ever known was fear. You spent so much of your life lying and waiting until the next fight that you had just expected this one to end the same way as all the others: more bruises and dropped charges.

He pulled into the lot behind your apartment building and parked a few spaces away from your car as you still struggled to wrap your head around the news.

"H-how?"

"I had a hunch, it paid off," he said with a shrug as he pulled the keys from the ignition. He was about to open the door when your hand shot out to grab his arm.

"What do you mean?"

He sat back in his seat and sighed.

"I'm sure you remember Marcus?" he began, and you winced.

"Yeah, rings a bell," you said sarcastically.

"Well, it's a small town. The junkies all know each other, and I know you said Patrick used in the past, so I paid Marcus a visit. He told me where I could find him. Sent a couple of officers to the location and they found him with-"

Joel cut himself off, not sure how much to divulge, but you circled your wrist in the air, encouraging him to continue.

"With a few other users in an abandoned house on the other side of town. He was passed out cold, it was an easy arrest."

"Other users? You mean, women?" you pressed.

"Some were women, yeah," Joel admitted.

"And he's in jail?"

"Yes," Joel confirmed, nodding his head. "He'll be transferred to Austin and await trail there."

"Oh, my god," you breathed, closing your eyes and burying your face in your hands.

Joel frowned, trying to read your expression but not having much success. That is, until you flung yourself across the seat and wrapped your arms around him.

"Thank you," you said over and over into his shoulder. He was quick to return the embrace, his eyes closing as he tried to push the bigger issue from his mind. He would talk to you later. He didn't want to ruin this moment.

"There's one more thing," he murmured into your hair. You pulled back, your eyes glistening as you looked at him questioningly. "C'mon, lemme show you."

He took your hand as he led you towards the back of your apartment building, not caring if anybody saw. He wasn't sure how many moments like that he had left, and he wanted to make them all count.

When he led you into your apartment and up the stairs, you audibly gasped.

There was still work to be done. He hadn't had a chance to patch the holes in the wall, but it was clean. The words on the wall of your bathroom just a distant memory. The shattered glass and ceramic gone.

"Tommy and Maria let you borrow a mattress," he said, flicking the light on in your bedroom. "The couch was fine, and Bobby had an old kitchen table-"

You cut him off with a searing kiss, your fingers getting tangled in the curls at the base of his neck. He leaned into it, pulling you close and trying his hardest to memorize every second.

"Couldn't find a TV," he mumbled against your mouth.

"I don't care," you whispered, pressing your mouth against his with more urgency. "Thank you," you kept repeating between peppering kisses against his lips. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Your tongue flicked at his lower lip as you pulled him down closer, wanting to just melt into him, but he leaned back, breaking the kiss.

"We gotta talk," he said, his voice pained. Your eyes dropped, and even though you knew it was coming, you still felt that ache in your chest. The one that settled there whenever the other shoe dropped. That deep sadness that always simmered just below the surface.

"I know," you said softly, trying to keep the emotion from your voice, but he picked up on it. He always did. You closed your eyes and rested your forehead against his chest, feeling his heart thumping loudly just underneath. He wrapped his arms around you and squeezed, trying to find the strength to say what he needed to say.

"We can't do this anymore," you said before he could speak. Not a question, but a statement. A realization you had come to on your own, as well. He felt the tears burning in the backs of his eyes as he pulled you in closer, resting his cheek on the top of your head, trying to wrap himself around you in every possible way.

"No, we can't," he finally agreed, his voice wavering.

He heard you sniffle against his chest and when he felt the wetness from your tears seep through his dress shirt, he couldn't stop his own tears from falling and getting lost in your hair.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "Just for a little while. Just until-" He paused when your shoulders began to shudder, the force of your quiet sobs shaking your whole body. "Just until the legal shit is over and he's in jail," he managed to finish.

"Okay," you whispered back, your face still hiding against his chest. He brought his hands up to pull you back and cradle your jaw. His gaze trailed over your puffy eyes and tear streaked face as he tried to wipe them away until he realized they were his own tears falling on your cheeks.

"Nothin's gonna change," he told you, his lip trembling. "I'm still here for you. I'm still gonna see this thing through, okay?" His eyes were soft and wide as he stared at you, making sure you understood him. "You can't perjure yourself when the time comes to testify. I can't - I won't be the reason he gets away with it again."

"I know," you said, nodding your head as you gazed up at him, his hands still gripping your face.

His heart broke as he looked at you, hating more than anything that he was the cause of the pain you were feeling. He swore to himself he would never hurt you, and here he was, doing exactly that.

"Once it's all over, we'll be together," he said, leaning down to press his forehead against yours.

"You promise?"

"Yes," he said immediately, leaning down to kiss you. "I promise," he said, kissing you with a little more force. "We can still talk," another kiss. "I'm still gonna help you," he tilted his head in the other direction as he kissed you again. "Help you find a lawyer," he mumbled, his lips barely breaking contact with yours now. "We just can't-" he didn't let himself finish, his mouth crashing down on yours, your face still clutched tightly in his hands as if he were afraid to let go.

"We just can't kiss?" you asked, finishing his sentence once he gave you a chance to breathe, your chest heaving. He nodded as he backed you up towards the wall outside your bedroom, his lips never stopping, even though he knew better.

His tongue slipped past your lips, swirling around yours with urgency as your fingers fumbled with the buttons on his shirt.

"We shouldn't," he mumbled, but he dragged his mouth down your neck anyway while you shoved his shirt over his shoulders and down his arms.

"No, we shouldn't," you agreed breathlessly, tilting your head to the side, his mouth latching onto your throat, leaving a small mark that you would end up admiring in the mirror for days to come and shedding a tear when it inevitably faded away.

"It'll just make it harder," he said, his words holding no conviction, especially when his hands slid down your sides and cupped the back of your thighs, hauling you up so you had to wrap your legs around his waist as he walked you backwards towards your bed.

"I know," you whispered, your fingers getting lost in his hair. He dropped you on the bed and immediately crawled on top of you, his mouth finding yours yet again while each of you hurriedly undressed the other. "I - I need to feel you. Just one more time. Please, Joel," you whimpered, squeezing your eyes shut with a gasp when his hot, wet tongue circled your nipple.

Joel always thought of himself as a strong man, but he had his weaknesses, too. And he was quickly finding out that you were his biggest one. He could never say no to you. It was too late. He was already too far gone. All he ever wanted to do was make you happy, so that's exactly what he did.

He was already addicted to it: the way you moaned his name, the way you smelled, the way you tasted, the way you felt when you came on his cock. He would never get enough, he knew that. He also knew this would be the last time he would have you for a long time, so he did everything he could to prolong it.

You both lost count. Lost count of how many times he made you come, how many times he said I'm sorry, how many times you said each other's names, hushed little whispers muffled against skin.

But Joel had kept count of how many lies he had told that day.

Three.

The last one being the one he told himself while he held you close as you laid on your borrowed mattress together, exhausted and sore. A lie that dismissed that feeling in his chest whenever he thought of you or the butterflies he got whenever you looked at him. Because that one was a lie of necessity. A lie he told himself in order to survive the next few months without having you like this, knowing full well if he admitted the truth, he would never be able to walk out your door.

A/N: I decided to start a notification blog for anybody interested in keeping up with just fic updates - @punkshort-notifs. I will keep the tag list for this series until the end, however, because I want to make sure everyone who is following this story doesn't lose it by missing this note.

Taglist: @harriedandharassed@merz-8@sarap-77@nandan11@anoverwhelmingdin@fandomscollide@survivingandenduring@honeyedmiller@pedropascalsbbg@southernbe@pedrosfanny@gobaaby-blog-blog @eloquentdreamer @yomiyasxx @mrsparknuts@missladym1981@spacedoutdaydreamer @cosmic006533-blog @prettyinpunk85@maried01 @sunnyskyapplepie @sawymredfox@gobaaby-blog-blog@stevie75@mxtokko@sleepylunarwolf@lizzie-cakes@laurrrra@annieispunk@here4thedilfs @navystandardheatingoilcap @slugz-writes-shit@devilbat@ashleyfilm@scp116@tragerlover@iveseenstrangerthings50 @yvonneeeee @brittmb115@lulawantmula@abbysgirlll@ro-nahime-things@whxtedreams@ashhlsstuff@little-pookie@serenadingtigers@paleidiot@ashy-kit@lizlil@detectivejuliuspepperwood@buckyispunk @fckinel @sarahhxx03 @krispeenuggiez @flippittygibbitts@picketniffler

#joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fic #joel the last of us #joel miller smut #joel miller fluff #joel miller x f!reader #joel miller angst #joel miller series #joel miller x reader #sheriff!joel #STR fic #the last of us hbo #the last of us fanfiction #pedro pascal characters fanfiction #pedro pascal

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leclerc-hs · 10 months

Text

fille stupide pt. 3 - cl16

Pairing: charles leclerc x fem!reader / max verstappen x fem!reader Summary: in which you now kind of know French and a not so stranger is still here Warnings: smut, oral (f-receiving), angstyyyy (?), cheating (again, i'm sorry), 18+!, not proofread!!, bad French (correct me please!!), bad Dutch (correct me please!!) Word Count: 1985 Author's Note: ok so I think we'll end fille stupide here 🤭 I absolutely loved writing this (if you couldn't tell by how fast i was able to write it lmaooo). I honestly WOULD NOT mind writing more scenarios for them in the future. Like if I ever write mean dom charles, my mind will automatically come back to them. please don't forget to leave feedback! love y'all french edited by @shewantsvengeance!!! dutch edited by @deanlovescassie!!!

PART 1 PART 2

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

STARTLED BY A loud bang in the kitchen, you jolt awake. The bright sun streaming through your windows blinds you as you try to make sense of the abrupt awakening and your surroundings. You were no longer naked; a large plain white t-shirt enveloped your body. A t-shirt you don’t remember even putting on or falling asleep in. A t-shirt, that’s not even yours.

Caution gripped you as you inched towards the kitchen, moving slowly down the hall. The muffled sounds persisted, their meaning elusive, while the clattering of cabinets continued. As you finally reached the corner of the hallway, you were met with the sight of a partially naked Charles in the kitchen, an array of food on the stove top cooked. The aroma of bacon and eggs wafted through the kitchen, prompting your stomach to audibly grumble in response. You leaned against the countertop across from him, just watching the muscles of his back flex with each deliberate movement. He stayed?

You let out a breath of air in relief at the sight of him. Not just because he was there and stayed, but because it wasn’t somebody breaking in.

He didn’t even turn around before saying, “Où ranges-tu tes assiettes?” Where do you keep your plates? “Oh, I found them!” He didn’t have to turn around to sense your presence; all his senses seemed attuned to your proximity. Your body called to him, like it demanded his attention. As if your cells were able to alert his own, screaming for them to merge with yours.

You felt a swirl of need form in your stomach at the sight of your scratch marks on his back. As if he was marked for your territory only. You also felt a surge of panic form in your throat as the memories of last night came flooding back.

Tell me who your body belongs to.

Je t’appartiens, Charles.

A sensation of unease churned in your stomach as thoughts of Max’s face crossed your mind. The guilt weighed heavily, and you felt on the verge of nausea for what you had done to him. How was it possible that something so bad felt so good? It was as if Charles held complete control over you, rendering you senseless and devoid of rational thoughts and actions. Tears prick at your eyes as you observe the bruises on the insides of your legs and felt the welts on your neck. Your body looks and feels both used and abused. Nothing about this situation is okay. Last night, you both had been remarkably careless.

The panic began to subside only when Charles turned around and met your gaze. His eyes, an unusually light shade of green, captured your attention. His disheveled hair hinted at just having woken up not too long ago.

“I didn’t know you stayed,” you began, confusion laced in your voice. “I heard the door shut last night.”

“Fille stupide,” Stupid girl. A smile crept on his face, carrying a mocking undertone that seemed directed at you. “I went to store to get you a pill last night. Je suis revenu.” I came back.

You despised how profoundly his words impacted you, how his return stirred a need for you to rationalize both your actions and his, even when there was no justification for what had transpired. Anxious, your fingers fidgeted with the end of the T-shirt that rested at the middle of your thighs. He advanced towards you, trapping you between him and the counter – a familiar position whenever you find yourself in his presence. His hands find their way to your face, their size enough to envelope majority of it. His fingers sprawl on your jawline, and his thumbs rest on your cheekbones as he looks at you. Really looks at you. Like he’s memorizing every inch of your face. Like you’re a textbook and he has a test to study for.

“Tu es tellement belle,” You’re so beautiful. Despite his sweet words, a sinister gleam in his eyes followed the contours of your body, his hands firmly gripping your hips as he pressed himself to you, “I meant what I said last night.”

Mine, you’re fucking mine.

The ache in between your legs was growing with each passing second. He was too close, his smell and warmth surrounding you, creating a sense of intoxication. You felt the need to press your thighs together, but Charles stood between them, smirking down at you like he knew.

Words fail you as you gaze up at him, but he doesn’t seem to mind. He stands there patiently, waiting as you study the furrow of his eyebrow. He stands there patiently, waiting as your eyes delve into his, memorizing every shade of color within them. He stands there patiently, waiting as your gaze fixates on his lips.

It was almost as if you didn’t have a choice. Like he was a pre-determined answer to your life. A definition to your word.

“Guess I didn’t give it to you hard enough last night, hm?” It wasn’t until your hands settle on his biceps that he realizes you’ve given him consent. Suddenly, his hands are everywhere. Roaming your body like an unexplored map; squeezing your waist, pinching your nipples, squeezing your butt. He just can’t get enough of you. “Need me to take the ache away?”

A moan escapes your lips as you yield, unable to resist him. Your body, seemingly under his command, surrenders to its desires.

His tongue presses against yours, never losing contact. He quickly flips the both of you around, pushing you until your back met the countertop of the island. With determination, he lifts you onto it, shoving anything that finds solace there, to the floor. His hands push you down, so you now lay sprawled on the counter in the center of the kitchen. You replacing the breakfast Charles had made.

“Mon dieu,” My God. He growls at the sight of your legs spread and bare for him. “Je pourrais mourir heureux.” I could die happy. You have no idea what he was saying, but it didn’t matter. Especially when his tongue met your clit, licking you as if you were the last meal on Earth and he was starving.

His two fingers slid into your heated core, curling them to brush your g-spot with every stroke. “Tellement bon,” So fucking good. He’s moaning into your pussy, sending you into oblivion.

“Putain de salope.” Fucking dirty slut. He manages to mumble in between your legs, the vibration of his words pushing you closer to the edge.

Around his fingers, you clench. You revel in the feeling of him in you, no matter what or how it’s done. Your fingers clench in his hair, it’s longer than the first time you met, tugging to anchor yourself. His hands on you are equivalent to an out of body experience. You could never tire of it.

“You like that?” Yes! You wanted to yell. You more than liked it. You loved it.

It wasn’t until his other hand, the one not inside of you, groped one of your breasts, rolling your nipples between his fingers, that you went flying over the edge, relishing in the waves of pleasure as he continues to thrust his fingers in you – coaxing you through the orgasm.

His mouth is hot on you, swallowing anything you’ll give him. Your legs shake, his mouth on you becoming too much as you squirm until he stops and looks at you, his lips glossy and coated.

“Tellement foutrement doux,” So fucking sweet. He murmured as he pulled you up, holding you in an upright position to look at him. You still don’t know what he’s saying, but you didn’t care. Your ears were ringing as you came down from your high, feeling limp against the hands of Charles.

You shut your eyes as you began to feel the panic surge. You gave in, again. He peppered small kisses to your neck, almost too softly, a stark contrast from how he treats you in the midst of sex. He was soft with you now -- tender. You don’t think you’ll ever be able to stop. As if sensing your panic, Charles tips your chin to look at him.

“Cherie, you are made for me.” You feel the panic claw at your throat, constricting you, and the tears begin to spill from your eyes. “Don’t you see?”

You did see it. You could see it clear as day. After all, there wasn’t a day that he wasn’t on your mind since the first encounter. You don’t understand what’s happening to you. How could you betray Max like this? He didn’t deserve it, and you didn’t deserve him. It feels like there’s no choice when it comes to Charles. It’s as if your body responds instantly to his mere gaze. He’s the batteries, and you’re the remote control. Completely useless without its batteries.

You knew you had to tell Max. You couldn’t bear to hurt him any further. You observed Charles begin to furrow his eyebrows in frustration as he sensed you withdrawing from him. The sight pained him, and it hurt to witness.

“I need to tell Max,” You started, but were quickly cut off by a voice.

“Tell Max what?”

You felt your heart stop and face flush red, as none other than Max stood just a few feet away in the entry way of your home, holding a bouquet of flowers in his hand and a spare key to your apartment in the other. Time seemed to slow down as you observed Max’s eyes darting between the proximity of you and Charles. There you were, perched on the counter, with Charles standing between your legs. Your cheeks flushed red as you sat with nothing but Charles t-shirt on your body. The kitchen island was wiped clean, everything scattered on the floor. The air hung heavy with an unspoken tension.

He didn’t even speak. He simply dropped the flowers and spare key on the entry way table and turned around, heading for the door. You shoved Charles out of the way, running towards the door. Running towards Max.

“Please, I can explain,” you were shouting. Completely panicked. But really, there was nothing to explain. It was clear as day, all cards laid out on the table in front of Max’s eyes.

“You don’t need to explain.” He scoffed, his jaw clenched in anger, as his eyes bounced from you, standing in front of him, to Charles, who remained planted in the kitchen. “Ik ben er klaar mee.” I’m done. He spoke in his native tongue, knowing you understood.

“Ik walg van je.” You disgust me. His words were sharp, stabbing you where it hurt most. He couldn’t even look you in the eye as he stepped out of the apartment as fast as he could.

You convince yourself that something has to be wrong with you. You were so mad that you did this. So mad that you hurt Max. But still, despite it all, everything with Charles feels so right.

Tears spilled hotly from your eyes, falling to the floor as you sobbed into your hands. Charles hurried over, lifting you to your feet and cradling you in his arms. Swiftly, he carried you to your bed, gently placing you on the covers. Pulling you into his chest, he held you tightly, providing comfort and solace.

“Je te protégerai.” I’ll keep you safe. Charles mutters into the nape of your neck, rubbing your back soothingly as you cry into him. “Tu es faite pour moi.” You’re meant for me.

You cried for what felt like hours. Charles only continued to whisper sweet nothings to you as he held you. You cried until you were limp with exhaustion, eyes closing, surrounded in the warmth of Charles. You didn’t deserve it.

“I will be here when you wake up, Cherie.” ----------- sorry max, you need to lose something 🤭

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